#the queen's ruling

[bakugoushotwife]

a/n: some of my self-ship ramblings while i'm supposed to be writing gojo kinktober skfjskhdkgdf--this will be the family set up for a series of mine ;)

everyone says girl dad gojo this boy dad gojo that, when in reality it's gojo and his son + his two little sisters.

oh gojo just fusses all over his firstborn son when he arrives, all glossy eyed with pride as he boasts about the gojo line—and his son being the strongest yet! (though he'd rather die than let his son face the same perils he did-)

your husband turns into such a doting father with his little sidekick, teaching him how to gush over mama, but how to pick daddy's side. oh his son is just his best friend! a little carbon copy of him down to the dimples. he takes him everywhere once he's about five, letting your son traverse the school with him if for no other reason than to boast over his spawn. he's such a little gentleman thanks to tips from daddy, picking fistfuls of dirt and dandelion to plop on the table while you're making dinner—eyes of blue you know all too well grinning up at you, a smile that's missing a tooth or two. "got you flowers mama!" he brags, stepping up on his helper's stool to get a look at what you're doing—stage one clinger and nosy freak like his dad. you giggle at the mess and nod, patting his hair and thanking him with kisses.

"what about my kisses?" your husband smirks, revealing a proper bouquet from behind his back as he peeks over your opposite shoulder. your giggles intensify as you give him the same treatment, letting satoru finish up the food so you could put your bouquet and your dandelions away in a vase.

"i wanna help you daddy!" the high pitched determination from your son has your heart melting, and satoru doesn't think he could get any happier.

that is until his first daughter is born. his son changed his life, but the little girl in his arms now has him sobbing as she bats white lashes up at him—he knows he'll never be the same person, now forever occupied with her safety and happiness, raising her to be a good person, a sweet and kind person like you. her big brother is just as invested, eager to help his tired parents and hardly complaining about the baby's crying. he wants to be a big man like daddy, so he'll follow satoru into her nursery and help give her bottles while you sleep, though satoru (jokingly) wishes he was old enough to change a diaper—you've created some dynamic shitters, not that your son was any better.

but oh how his daughter was his sunshine. such a delicate and powerful little thing too, he didn't even know how to treat her at first. with his son it was easy, he was unafraid. but with his daughter, he knows he'll be the example in her life and he's terrified to mess it up. but he gets the hang of it—and she absolutely adores her father.

maybe one of these days you'll get one that prefers you, though your son is quite the mommy's boy thanks to satoru's shining performance.

the girl though, all hopes of her being sweet and kind go out the window by the time she's four. she's a mouthy little thing, bossing around her big brother, who's definitely grown less charmed with being a big brother—only on the outside. he still adores his little sister, but he does roll his eyes when you tell him that you're pregnant with another girl.

the baby of the family, satoru bawls when he holds her yet again. she's just as strong and beautiful as his first two, but by far the biggest daddy's girl yet. she grows up under the protection of her older siblings—her big sister dresses her like her own personal babydoll and her big brother rescues her from such activities. she is sweet and lovely despite her siblings, and you think it's a miracle. that only lasts so long, though.

satoru spoils all of his kids, but his girls are so snotty by the time they reach puberty, no boys can even catch their attention. this was all to his design of course, he would not have his smart, strong, and talented girls bogged down by boy troubles, gag. as bratty as satoru was in high school, imagine two of them. as girls. yes.

the teenage sisters are closer than close—banding up against their annoying big brother when he comes by to poke at them, the once protector turned aggressor—though he would die for his sisters without a second thought.

don't even get me started on gojo's son. if the girls are bratty, satoru's carbon copy is entitled and smug, even more handsome than his dad thanks to your enhancements and the only next gen gojo man? he's intolerable by the time he graduates, and satoru is absolutely tickled about it—even asking for another baby as yours grow and prepare to leave the nest. he's a family man, and so so good with babies...you may just give into his wishes just to witness it some more. <3

[bootleg-nessie]

Rating band names based on their accuracy:

(I keep updating this list so check back later)

The Beatles: 3/10. None of these people are beetles, they’re just a bunch of fruity guys from Liverpool with matching haircuts

(Edit: changed from 0/10 to 3/10 because John Lennon beat his wife)

Pink Floyd: 4/10. There is not a single person named Floyd in the band, but some of the members do arguably look kinda pink

Nirvana: 10/10. Getting high and listening to Nirvana is roughly what I imagine actual nirvana to be like

Foo Fighters: either 0/10 or 10/10. I have never seen foo in real life so either they’re pretending to fight a problem that doesn’t exist or they’re doing an absolutely fantastic job of fighting it

The Eagles: 0/10. Same as the Beatles, there is not a single eagle in this band. The name is misleading and we have all been lied to

Queen: 6/10. Partial points for Freddie Mercury

Led Zeppelin: 0/10. I don’t think any of these guys have ever even seen a zeppelin, let alone one made of lead. A lead balloon would crash faster than my hopes and dreams

The Rolling Stones: 3/10. There is not a single stone in this band. Some points added because I’m pretty sure they rolled quite a few

U2: 0/10. Despite what the name says, I am not a member of this band

Metallica: 9/10. Naming a metal band “Metallica” is like naming your dog “doggy”

Red Hot Chili Peppers: 2/10. These guys are not chili peppers. They’re not even that hot, let alone red hot

Guns N’ Roses: 0/10. How the fuck could a gun or a flower play music

Backstreet Boys: ?/10. Depends entirely on their current given location

Simon and Garfunkel: 10/10. No notes

The Doors: 1/10. Jim Morrison is kinda shaped like a door tho

Chicago: 4/10. The number of people in this band does not come even remotely close to the population of Chicago. Points added because it originated in Chicago

Earth, wind, and fire: 2/10. This is even more innacurate than Chicago. Points added because wind instruments were often used

Def Leppard: 3/10. There is not a single leopard in this band. Some of the members are probably kinda deaf by now tho

The Beach Boys: ?/10. Accuracy depends entirely on location

The Black Eyed Peas: 6/10. Not sure what the hell an ‘eyed pea’ is but the black part is pretty accurate

Imagine Dragons: ?/10. Depends entirely on whether or not they’re thinking about dragons.

Cage the Elephant: 1/10. Why would you do that. Let the elephant go

Green Day: 0/10. They’re not even green

The Police: 0/10. There is not a single cop in this band

KISS: 5/10. I’m sure they probably kissed sometimes

The Monkees: 0/10. Are you fucking kidding me

We Butter the Bread with Butter: 8/10. I can’t verify this but I have no reason to suspect that they’d lie. Butter seems like the most logical thing to butter bread with

King Gizzard and the Lizard Wizard: 0/10. I got really excited about the concept of a lizard wizard only to be let down. My disappointment is immeasurable

They Might Be Giants: 5/10. I googled everyone in this band’s height, the tallest guy’s only 6’1 so I wouldn’t exactly consider him a giant. Then again, I can’t really argue because the claim was only that they MIGHT be giants

The Presidents of the United States of America: 2/10. None of these people are Joe Biden nor are any of them former presidents. This is incredibly misleading. I’m pretty sure “Lump” was written about my first girlfriend tho so I’ll give them a point or two

Gorillaz: 2/10 Not quite but we’re kinda close genetically so I’ll give them partial credit

The Killers: ?/10. I have no way of verifying if they’ve actually killed before but the fact that they’re not in prison tells me probably not

The Offspring: 10/10. These guys are definitely somebody’s offspring

Arctic Monkeys: 1/10. They are neither monkeys nor are they from the arctic

Thirty Seconds to Mars: 1/10. It takes WAY longer to get to mars than that

Beastie Boys: 8/10. They’re pretty beast on the guitar

Jimmy Eat World: 1/10. Slow the fuck down Jimmy, you’re biting off way more than you can chew

Hole: 9/10. One point deducted because I’m pretty sure they had more than one hole

Rage Against the Machine: 10/10. They did exactly that

Alice In Chains: 0/10. This is illegal. Let Alice go

The Band: 10/10. This could not possibly be more accurate

Nine Inch Nails: 1/10. I can’t find any good pictures of their feet but from what I can tell their fingernails definitely aren’t nine inches long

Bush: ?/10. Not quite sure about this one, felt uncomfortable asking

The Who: 2/10. I’m not dealing with this “Who’s On First” bullshit

Radiohead: 0/10. Not a single person in this band has a radio for a head

Queens of the Stone Age: 0/10. This band should be called “five random dudes from the modern era” but FRDFTMA is a bit of a mouthful

Soundgarden: 2/10. Sound does not grow in the garden

Sonic Youth: 5/10. They’re not exactly youth anymore but the sonic part checks out

Talking heads: 8/10. There’s more to the band than just a bunch of disembodied heads but the heads do tend to talk

The Cranberries: 0/10. Decent music but I only added them so that the Beatles and Freddie Mercury weren’t the only fruits on this list

The Wiggles: 8/10. They do tend to wiggle a lot

Blue Man Group: 10/10. Yep!

Weezer: 5/10. They all look like they definitely have asthma

Limp Bizkit: 3/10. While the visual image of baked goods playing the guitar is hilarious, Fred durst is not a biscuit. Points added because he probably has erectile dysfunction

Stone Temple Pilots: 0/10. None of these people are accredited as being licensed to pilot anything, much less an entire stone temple. Stone temples don’t need pilots anyways

Wasted Youth: 8/10. I guess it really kinda depends on how you frame it but yeah, they probably wasted a lot of it

Them Crooked Vultures: 3/10. These are people and not birds but Dave Grohl’s posture is kinda bad and John Paul Jones is so old that his neck kinda looks like a vulture’s so I added some points

Audioslave: 0/10. Slavery is illegal

Traveling Wilburys: 4/10. Sure, they traveled a lot but not a single one of those lying bastards was named Wilbury

D12: 6/12. There were only 6 people in this band

NWA: 10/10. I’m a little too white to safely comment on this one but I’d say they nailed it

Jet: 1/10. A real jet would be way too loud

Goldfinger: 0/10. Not a single person in this band has a finger made out of gold

No Doubt: ?/10. I can’t really be too sure how Gwen Stefani felt but I think it’s probably a safe assumption that she had some doubts

The White Stripes: 3/10. I bet if you stripped them down naked and made them stand shoulder to shoulder and squinted really hard they’d probably look more like white stripes

Screaming trees: 3/10. They scream occasionally

Garbage: 2/10. I think they’re being a little harsh on themselves, their music isn’t THAT bad

Butthole Surfers: 5/10. Not even gonna touch this one

Megadeth: 3/10. To be fair, some of the former members are dead but only a little amount of death, not mega death

Dead Kennedys: 2/10. Last I checked Kennedy was still dead but neither he nor his clones are members of this band

Cake: 0/10. The cake is a lie

Cracker: 8/10. Most of them are

Tool: 7/10. I don’t know much about their music but they sure look like tools

Counting Crows: ?/10. Is this what emo kids do instead of counting sheep? Accuracy depends on whatever bird they happen to be counting at the moment

Dave Matthews Band: 10/10. It certainly is

Oasis: 1/10. Their music is the opposite of an oasis

Blur: 2/10. They are not that fast

Barenaked Ladies: 0/10. If I wanted to be this disappointed I’d reestablish a connection with my biological father instead

Meat Puppets: 10/10. Technically, aren’t we all?

Live: 8/10. Apparently they still do live shows but I deducted some points because I’ve only ever heard their music on Spotify

ABBA: 9/10. I’m still not giving any points to Guns N’ Roses but that’s mostly out of spite

5 Finger Death Punch: 8/10 I guess it probably depends on how hard you hit them but this seems to be the usual amount of fingers to punch somebody with

All American Rejects: 9/10. They’re all rejects from America so I don’t really see any issue with this

T. Rex: 0/10. Even if any of these people WAS a T. Rex I don’t think their arms would be long enough to play their instruments

Free: 0/10. Unless you steal their music, in which case it becomes a 10/10

The Strokes: 3/10. To my knowledge, none of them have had a stroke but I still added a few points because the name was probably accurate for other reasons

The Smashing Pumpkins ?/10. Another thing I have no way of verifying but this seems like a waste of perfectly good pumpkins

Therapy?: ?/10. The hell are they asking me for? I don’t know their medical history

Twenty One Pilots. 0/10. There’s only two of them and neither is a licensed pilot

Finger Eleven: 0/10. Leave the poor Stranger Things girl out of this

Fall Out Boy: 9/10. I conferred with an expert on this one who confirmed that they are in fact boys who had a falling out

Cream: 8/10. Considering this was the OG supergroup I’m sure a lot of people did in fact cream when their music came out

Edit: humans aren’t fucking monkeys. Stop saying we are

[peach-fiz]

A lil goofy comic :>

[marenwithanm]

You know Zelda, most Links actually were children during their adventures. Breath of the Wild Link Georg who was over 100 years old was an outlier and should not have been counted

As you can see, I'm still not over the idea of a younger Link and older Zelda in alttp. She feels so bad about dragging a little kid into this whole mess 😭

[lucyllawless]

Emma talking to Regina while sitting like *that* -> season 5 deleted scene

[somerandomgaydipstick]

[neo--queen--serenity]

Jinshi: you can’t use your leg right now, you’re injured. Let me help you.

Maomao, her eyes enormous: you CARRY Maomao?? You pick her body up like the football??? OH!! Oh!!! Jail for Master Jinshi, jail for one thousand years!!

[twstinginthewind]

.... okay am I losing my mind a little or is there a McDonald's in the Heartslabyul gardens?

[4everbrookemarie]

They…

penalized Simone Biles for being better

said Serena Williams looked like a man

applied different standards for Sha’Carri Richards

mocked Naomi Osaka about her mental health

excoriated Angel Reese for competitive taunting

All are BLACK women. All are CHAMPIONS despite the hate.

Well Behaved Women Rarely Make History

[mafiasliege]

Ladies and gentlemen, it is with great pleasure that I announce to you, after a decade, jude still steals Cardan's clothes and even wears them in front of the kingdom.

[bakugoushotwife]

god i have an idea for my kinktober yuuta fic but i need input before i commit to it and everyone i know is still ASLEEP SOMEONE HELP ME

[asongoficyhot]

I feel like the fandom doesn't really acknowledge how funny PB and Marceline's relationship is.

Like on the one hand you have a scientist, world leader and Most Eligible Bachelorette in Ooo. And then there's her girlfriend who plays bass and lives in a cave.

[fuckmeyer]

if smeyer wasn't a coward vamp!Bella would have immediately eaten her daughter Rensesmem whole-hog like Saturn Devouring His Son

[robntunney]

15 YEARS OF THE MENTALIST Day 1 : Songs

"I replay my footsteps on each stepping stone, trying to find the one where I went wrong, writing letters, addressed to the fire"

[tending-the-hearth]

thinking about how canonically the pevensie siblings are 13, 12, 10, and 8 in "the lion, the witch, and the wardrobe"

thinking about how lucy needed a stool to be able to get up onto her throne, how peter's sword is a little too large for him, how susan's bow is a little too difficult for her to pull back, how edmund's shield nearly covers his entire body.

thinking about the pevensie siblings and their first few months in narnia, getting to know their new people, and half the narnians sitting there horrified because WHAT have these literal babies been through to give them such traumatized, old eyes, and the other half of the narnians are preparing to adopt them, no it doesn't matter that they're the rules, they're children who are being put in charge of too many things, and if peter looks at the old man council long enough he's going to cry, so someone needs to give him paternal support while aslan is off doing Lion Jesus Stuff™️ and whoops oreius is being nice and encouraging and now he's adopted his kings and queens they're his kids now he doesn't make the rules.

just the narnians and the pevensies being thrown into it together, and just as the pevensies will do anything to protect their new kingdom, the narnians will do anything to protect their rules, because let's be honest, these children have no sense of self-preservation, and are far too overprotective of each other and their people to take into account their own safety, so a lot of battles it's just one of the pevensie siblings running headfirst into danger with oreius running after them because his kids are feral and don't know proper royalty manners and won't threatening old kings from different countries because they're being assholes and the last time one of them tried undermining the queens susan called him a self-righteous asshole and lucy tried to stab him SOMEONE help him corral his children please

[broodpuff]

no because why is it always a blonde and a brunette