#the rescue center want us to keep him permanently

[rowanthestrange]

The eagle has landed, I repeat, the eagle has landed

And took him less than ten minutes to start roaming in and out the Play Den Definitely Not A Crate so hopefully he’ll be able to get past that phobia!

[ilguna]

☼ the water heals our wounds (Finnick Odair) ☼

summary; Finnick was beginning to believe that the damage done on you was permanent, but he had to try one more idea.

warnings; swearing, death mention, torture mention

wc; 5.3k

–

It’s too loud.

You can hear everything, between the people shouting nearby, and the consistent beeping from machines. There’s voices talking over one another, orders being barked around the room, fighting for more attention.

It’s bringing on a pounding headache, as if there’s tiny people inside of your head, slamming their fists on the inside of your skull with both hands, trying to get out. At first, it’s bearable, considering what you’ve been through lately.

And then it burns.

You fly up in the bed, eyes opening, hands reaching for the source of pain, attached to your forearm. Several people reach to grab and restrain you to keep from moving any further. You can see that there’s a needle, blood moving into a small vial.

“Miss (L/n), we’re just drawing your blood.” A nurse tells you, “You’re in District Thirteen, you’re safe now.”

“Dis—” You begin, and find that your voice is hoarse. You clear your throat, “District Thirteen isn’t real.”

“I assure you, it is.” He says, “We just had a team of volunteers rescue you and a few other victors from the Capitol.”

“The Tribute Center.” You murmur, watching as they pull the needle out, and replace it with a cotton pad, wrapping your elbow. “We were in the Tribute Center.”

“Yes, very good.” He says, “Can you tell me where you’re from?”

“District Four.” Your face twists, the headache is coming back, “Can we—?”

“When did you win the Hunger Games?”

“Sixty-Seventh. Can we talk about something else?” You look away, observing the space you’re in, “Anything else…”

You must be in District Thirteen’s hospital, judging by what you’re surrounded by. You can see a lot of people moving around, dressed similarly. The nurses and doctors look like they’re wearing different outfits than—what you can only guess is—regular civilians. There’s a few people sitting on gurneys dressed in hard armor and bulletproof vests, pockets absent of weapons.

You’d like to say that it’s not usually this busy or disorganized often, and that’s because of how the medical crew are reacting to the sheer amount of people in here. It’s crawling with bodies. They push people on gurneys away into hallways, some straight into private rooms where they pull the blinds, others are subjected to being treated in the main open room, like you.

You must not be high risk, then. 

You watch as a team of professionals wheel a gurney by, someone laying unresponsive in the bed. You look away quickly, to the next rapidly moving object, and realize that you recognize the person. You manage to look back in time to see who it really is, stomach squeezing in horror.

It’s Johanna on that bed, head shaven to the skin, scabs covering every inch of available skin. She looks disgusting, but it answers the question that’s been on your mind these past couple of weeks. You finally know what’s been happening to Johanna in the Capitol.

“Are you hungry? Or thirsty?” He asks, “We normally have to wait for clearance, but you’re alert and responsive. They wouldn’t want us to wait for permission.”

“I’d like water, if you can.” You nod, “I’m not hungry, though.”

He gives you a smile, turning to place his hand on the girls’ shoulder next to him, beginning to talk to her. You look away again, towards the doors that have just been pushed open, doors slamming against the wall from the force.

A young woman with dark hair in a braid is looking around the room quickly, searching for something. You get a glimpse of her face, and you know instantly that it’s Katniss Everdeen. 

You grit your teeth, a shudder running through your body. You grip onto the railings handles, letting out a shaky breath. You’ve seen her a lot recently, although you’ve never met her, not yet anyway. You had mentored the Quarter Quell—no, no you shouldn’t think about that.

“Gale!” Katniss shouts, starting for him.

A nurse blocks her, saying something, and you’re trying to read her lips, when a voice cuts through the noise.

“(Y/n)!”

You flinch, jerking to the other side of the bed, squeezing your eyes shut. The thoughts—the memories—of all the times he’s screamed your name, screamed at you. The morning he left, the purple bruises…

He punished you, said that it’s your fault this happened. 

“Miss (L/n)?” The nurse asks, placing his hand on yours.

You jump, swatting his hand off of yours. In the process, your eyes fly open, catching sight of him—of Finnick—coming towards you. You can’t let him have you, the last time he did—the nightmares still haven’t stopped. You can’t do it again. You need to get out of here.

You almost trip getting out of the bed, legs tangled in the scratchy white hospital sheets. Your bare feet slap against the tile floor, which is cool against your soles. You stumble a few steps to catch your balance before wheeling around, both hands grabbing the gurney.

“Get away from me!” You scream, pulling the back back a bit before launching it in his direction.

You watch his smile drop, eyebrows drawing in. He’s doing it again, the next thing you know he’ll have everyone on his side. He’s not going to trick you, you’re not going back to him this time. You’ll die before you end up in his hands. It was better in the Capitol. He wasn’t there, and you were safe.

A couple people jump to catch the gurney before it slams into him. It almost makes you want to scream at them, too, for trying to protect him. You don’t have time to, you turn around and start for the exit doors on the other side of the room. The male nurse that had been helping you tries to make a grab, but completely misses.

“Stop her!” He shouts.

You slip past several people, slamming into the metal doors, which start emitting a terrible, high-pitched scream that starts once they’re opened. You make a run for it down the long, cement hallways, feet slapping painfully on the floor. You can hear shouting behind you, pleading for you to stop.

You’re faster than they are. The further you run, the less you’re able to hear them, until their voices are gone entirely. You end up tripping into one of the side doors, leading you into a dark room. Good, they shouldn’t be able to find you here for a long time.

You drag your feet to the corner of the room, panting, struggling to catch your breath. The burning in your chest slowly grows stronger, you dig your nails into your collarbone, trying to distract from the pain.

You slide down the wall, letting out a sob, hands moving to clamp over your ears to block out the humming sound coming from somewhere inside of the room.

—

You hate the hospital wing of District Thirteen.

Surprisingly, it has nothing to do with the fact of how the medical team is treating you. For once in your life, they couldn’t be more considerate and caring about your feelings. It’s refreshing, considering you’ve been in and out of the hospital since you won the Hunger Games.

The Capitol didn’t catch that your immune system was weaker than it had been before. You were home for a week before you caught the nasty disease that was going around the district. You spend two and a half months in the hospital trying to recover and leave. 

You honestly thought you were miserable in the arena, but it was nothing compared to how they treated you in the Four hospital. You know it was nothing personal, that’s how they treated all their patients. It was just so odd to see so much aggression in a place of healing.

There were a few times you almost left the hospital without being discharged because you couldn’t handle it anymore. It’s difficult to deal with that behavior in such a fragile state of mind. You couldn’t sleep because of the nightmares that plagued you, you were hardly eating because every bite made you nauseous.

The only reason why you were convinced to stay each time was because of Finnick. You think you remember him telling you that you could risk putting yourself in more danger if you didn’t stay. The last thing you wanted to do after you won the Games was die when you got home.

When you told that story to the Head Doctor here—mostly the part that you hate hospitals, in hopes that he would change his mind and let you stay in your own dorm—he hung onto that story, and a certain factor about it. Like how you didn’t mention Finnick in a negative light.

Those times in the hospital could’ve very well have been Finnick drawing you in. You smelt honey each time you were around him, making you feel safe enough to land. And the second you did, he trapped you.

The doctor won’t let you leave, no matter how many times you beg him to.

Like you said, you completely understand that they’re just doing their jobs when they come to check on you, and accompany you to the bathroom, and take you for walks around the hallways. The issue is that there’s nothing more you want right now than to be left alone.

When they hover like this, it’s like they’re trying to set you back. They did this in the Capitol, hovered over your smallest movements, made you second-guess your sentences. Now, you’re always waiting for the nurses here to say something like they did, always waiting for the drop that’ll never come.

“Do you want to go around one more time?” The nurse asks.

“No, I’m done.” 

There’s no point in walking around these halls. There’s nothing to look at, no rooms to look inside of. All it does is leave you to your thoughts, because half of the time, the nurses can’t bring themselves to carry a conversation. You might as well stay inside of your room.

“You remember that you’re supposed to be pushing yourself, right?” She asks.

“He wants me to push myself to walk in a rectangle?” You snap back, looking at her, “I can obviously walk just fuckin’ fine. They didn’t break my fucking legs.”

“It’s to keep up your stamina.”

“If you wanted to test my stamina, then you’d let me walk around the entire bunker and keep your fucking mouth shut to see how long I’ll go for.” You shake your head, rounding the corner to go inside of your assigned room.

You make it two steps before you stop, eyes locked on the foreign object. Your foot moves back to get you out of there, but you know that there’s nowhere to run to, anymore. You need clearance to get through the doors, and you can’t do it without one of the nurse’s approval.

You would’ve snuck out by now if you could.

Your arms wrap around your upper body to hug yourself, fingers digging into your upper arm’s flesh to ground yourself.

It’s just a vase of flowers, it can’t hurt you. What can, is the thought of him being in here, delivering these himself. What else can be in here? What of your belongings did he touch? Is this why the nurses insisted that you get out of bed at that exact moment.

“(Y/n)?”

“Was he in here?” The words are harsh.

“No, we don’t let visitors back here, they are to wait in the lobby.”

“Don’t lie to me.” Your voice is surprisingly measured, despite the uncontrollable urge to freak out. You grip your arms tighter, “Was he in here?”

She’s silent for a few seconds, “Yes.”

“Why on earth would you let him?” You tear your eyes from the flowers, “Who approved of that?”

“Doctor Hurley did.” She says, “There’s been so much progress between you two, so he allowed Finnick to come in here on special request to deliver a gift. He picked the flowers himself this morning. He wanted them at their freshest.

You begin to take deep breaths, trying to calm yourself, “I don’t understand.”

“What’s the matter?”

“You let him in my space?” You ask, tears building in your eyes. You can’t be safe, not even back here, in an area where you can’t escape if he were here. Is he here? “The one place that he wasn’t supposed to have access to? You let him in here? What did he touch? Did he leave?”

There’s a smile that hints at the corners of her lips. He must’ve talked to her, that’s the only reason why she thinks it’s okay. He told her the same sob story that he told you to get you to stay. She’s supposed to be on your side.

You start inside of your room, one long stride after the other, hand reaching for the clear vase of colorful flowers, paired together to show the end of summer, the beginning of fall. There’s a few long leaves sticking out, giving you more of the outdoors.

You twist around, letting out a scream as you throw the vase at the nurse. She jumps out of the way, making it shatter against the concrete wall instead, glass bursting into pieces, flying in every direction. The bundle of flowers lands in the puddle of glass and water.

—

“I want to go to the cafeteria to eat!” You shout, hand flying out in the direction of the door, “I don’t understand why Peeta’s allowed to go and I’m not!”

Doctor Hurley is shaking his head at you, face twisted like it always is when he’s delivering bad news. Behind him stands Boggs, the head of security, arms crossed and waiting in the doorway. You demanded to see both of them today, because it would be the only way to appeal to both at the same time.

“It’s not an act of unfairness, (Y/n).” Doctor Hurley says, “Let’s say you have an episode, there’s a chance you could trigger both Johanna and Peeta at the same time too. And it’s vice versa with Peeta.”

“You really think that Peeta’s aggression could set me off?” You ask, “Peeta and I might have had the same treatment, but it was obviously done in different ways. He’s aggressive towards Katniss, and they made me afraid of Finnick.”

“Yes, precisely.” 

You turn your attention to Boggs, “Please, you know that my first reaction wouldn’t be to fight. The first thing that I’d do is run. All you’d have to do is worry about getting Peeta under control.”

“We would still have to spend time finding you after you run. That first day you came here, you only had access to the hospital wing, and it took hours for us to find you. It’ll take longer, possibly days, if you went hiding here.” Boggs says.

“Yet you were able to find Katniss each time she hid, right?” You shoot back, watching his face twist. “Yeah, I know about that because of Haymitch. And worst-case scenario, if you can’t find me, I come down from the hysteria and come out myself.” Now you look back at Hurley, “You’ve been teaching me self-soothing techniques for a reason to bring myself back down when I’m feeling that way.”

Hurley shakes his head, “This is not a time to put that to the test.”

You cross your arms, shaking your head, “Then why don’t you send Johanna or Peeta to their rooms? It’d be a fair trade-off.”

“We can’t, we’re under special orders from Coin to continue to push his progress. We need him outside of his comfort zone.” Boggs says, “And Johanna’s stable enough to mix her with the other victors. We can’t risk a third.”

“So he’s the golden one, again?” You ask, “You say that it’s not a matter of being unfair, but that’s exactly what it is.”

“(Y/n), why don’t you go down on a different day?” Hurley asks, “It’ll still let you feel some sense of normalcy.”

You slam your fists into the desk, the tray full of food rattles against the wood, “You only let them go down once a week! I don’t want to sit with people I don’t know! I want the victors, for fuck’s sake!” You scoot away from the table, back further onto the bed to give you more leg mobility. This is when you draw your leg back and kick the table so it topples over, the tray hits the floor, food splattering up the wall. “I want to see Finnick!”

The room’s silent for a good minute, while you struggle to get your emotions under control, realizing that this is exactly what they meant about you triggering Peeta and Johanna. These outbursts don’t help you, but what else are you supposed to do? They don’t listen to you. They back you into a corner and give you solutions you don’t care about. 

“You said—” You begin, wiping the tears that are forming in the corners of your eyes away, “You said that denying me things like this is a step back.”

“I didn’t mean it like that.” Hurley says.

“It feels like you’re trying to keep me from moving forward, by keeping me away from them. How am I supposed to know how to act around them, if you don’t give me a chance?” You ask, “I want an opportunity.”

Boggs watches you for a few more seconds, and then he lets out a sigh, “Tell the nurses to give her a jumpsuit.”

Hurley turns to look at him, “After this?” He motions to the mess on the floor, “How do you think Peeta will react?”

“I think Peeta’s shown a lot of empathy for the people that were with him in the Capitol, recently.” Boggs says, “He’s made it a long way as well, and I’m not going to prioritize him. If there’s a step back, fine. We have another couple of weeks to work on it.”

“If you think so.” Hurley looks at you, “We’ll have a nurse bring a jumpsuit. Boggs will bring you down.”

“Thank you.”

Both of them leave, heading in the direction of the nurse station at the end of the hall. You try not to bother them too much if you don’t have to. They’ve begun to lift a lot of the restrictions they’ve put on you, which is a relief. It’s driving you crazy to be treated like a child.

While you wait, you go over to clean up the mess you made. You place the table upright, and get to work on using napkins to scoop the specific portions of food back onto the metal tray. By the time Boggs comes back, the food is relatively gone, and you can’t even tell you knocked the table over.

He hands over your new outfit, one that you’ve worn a few times before. You take it, and shuffle inside of the bathroom. You use the one hair tie they allow you to have to tie your hair out of your face, and then you change into the grey outfit. You leave the bathroom, pulling on your flats, because that’s all they allow you to have. 

Boggs escorts you out of your room, down a hall and through a pair of swinging doors. They moved you out of the first area because you stopped showing a threat of escaping. You nearly cried when they told you the news, because the nurses there are significantly meaner than the ones over here. And they’ve told you several times that they would never have let Finnick go into your room like that, regardless of what Doctor Hurley approved.

The moment you step foot out of the hospital, you wrap your arms around your body to hold in the anxiety that’s beginning to bubble inside of you. In a few days, it would’ve been two weeks since you last saw Finnick. You’re not used to him being away for so long, especially with how persistent he is. You’ve been told by the nurses that it’s because he’s working on something with Coin, Plutarch and Haymitch.

When you asked more about it, you were told that they didn’t know anything. And even if they did, they wouldn’t be allowed to tell you, because you haven’t hit that stage yet. Yes, you’re a victor, and you’ve just managed to survive the Capitol, but that doesn’t give you a rite of passage here.

Boggs brings you to an elevator, where he has you step inside, and then pulls the door down. He presses a button on a box next to him, and the two of you begin your descent to the cafeteria’s floor. The elevator’s not even close to as nice as the ones from the Capitol, those ones move smoothly and noiselessly.

It stops, he pulls the door open, and leads you to the cafeteria doors. He stops in front of them, “If you feel the need to leave, you have to let me know.”

“I will.” You nod.

“We’ll grab you a tray, and then sit down with them. Lunch just started, it should be over in thirty minutes.”

You nod again, letting him know you’re listening. He goes through the doors, and you follow behind him, hugging yourself tighter to give you something to focus on. A few people glance to look at you, but their eyes don’t linger for very long, returning to the person they’re talking to.

Boggs brings you to the short line that leads to the window where you get your food. When it’s your turn, the lady on the other side gives you a wide smile, and tells you to enjoy. You wonder how many of the people in here know who you are.

Boggs starts walking away, and you follow behind him, taking deep breaths to calm yourself, because you can no longer hug yourself. You’ve got the tray in your hands, something to focus on.

“Mind if we join you?” Boggs says, stepping aside.

You suck in your bottom lip, giving a smile to the table of victor’s in front of you.

“I was wondering when they’d finally let you out of your cell.” Johanna says first, motioning to the one open spot, “We have so much to catch up on.”

“Trust me, it was a fight to even come eat lunch down here.” You set the tray on the table, and then move to sit on the bench. Peeta scoots over to give you more room, “If it weren’t for Boggs, I’d be eating my lunch off of the floor.”

He laughs behind you.

“Lucky you.” Peeta murmurs, “You do that often?”

You breathe out a laugh, “I try not to anymore.”

You pick up the fork, twisting it in your hand, looking up to see exactly who you’re sitting with. Johanna’s sitting across from you, with one leg up on the bench, leaning into it while she eats. Peeta’s sitting to your right, his own personal bodyguards tower behind him, they must not bother him.

Katniss is sitting across from Peeta, but she’s more toward the end of the table, eating with the man you saw on your first day, the one she couldn’t see, Gale. On the other side of Johanna sits a blonde girl, twirling her hair around her finger. She offers you a wide smile.

And the last person, who was on the other side of Peeta—now next to you—is…

You swallow thickly at the sight of Finnick, feeling your heart begin to beat faster in your chest. Usually when you see him, it’s across a table, at the far side so that you’re not close. Always your request, never his. He goes along with it because he doesn’t want you feeling uncomfortable.

You have to quickly remind yourself that he won’t hurt you. Doctor Hurley and his team of doctors have been working hard to try and reverse the damage that was done in the Capitol. However, if there’s one thing that people tend to hold onto the most, it’s fear. 

Finnick raises his eyebrows, the small smile he was holding is slowly fading, “Do you want me to move?”

You shake your head, “No, I’m okay.”

“Are you sure?” He asks, “It wouldn’t be a big deal, you didn’t know—”

“I’m sure.” You smile, “It’s been a while since I’ve seen you. I heard you’re working on some projects with Beetee?”

Finnick’s expression transforms entirely, lighting up, “Yes, he’s showing me new trident designs. You’d love them, he made one the other day that made me think of you. It had these vines that snaked around the handle, and bright colorful flowers. It’s not practical to use, but I know how you like the prettier looks.”

“Maybe you can show me the next time we have our meeting. It was on paper, right?”

“Yeah, I think he made a small prototype, it’s plastic, so hopefully it’ll pass through the doors.” Finnick shrugs.

“That sounds nice.”

Johanna lets out a scoff, “Nerds.”

—

“I still can’t believe you convinced them to let both of us up here.” You say, jogging slightly to catch up with Finnick. “And alone?”

“I have a way with words.” Finnick turns to wink at you, “You’re going to love it.”

He readjusts the bag he has on his shoulder, it’s gotta be heavy. You offered to carry some of the food inside, but he told you that he wants you to enjoy being outside again for the first time in months. 

“This is the last door.” He tells you, going through it first, and then holding it open.

The sunlight streams through the door, and blinds you on your way through. You take in a deep breath as soon as you’re fully outside. It smells so fresh, lighter than the recycled air from inside. The sun on your skin feels nice, and it’s warm. 

“Johanna would love it up here.” You murmur, crossing your arms over your chest, “Do you think they’d let her out?”

“If she shows signs of getting better, they will, but she’s having issues at the moment.” Finnick shakes his head, “I wish it could be the three of us again.”

You nod, “So where are we picnicking? Right here?”

Finnick scoffs, “Are you kidding? No, I’ve got a special spot that you’re also going to love?”

“How deep?” You ask, “We shouldn’t go too far.”

“It’s not too far, I promise. It’s closeby, Katniss showed me where it is.”

“Okay,” You motion for him to go first, “Lead the way.”

Finnick begins walking along a path that has been stomped into the ground. The two of you travel through the trees, and you can’t help yourself when you touch every green object you pass. The bark, the leaves, the grass, the rocks. You pluck a white flower out of a bush and carefully tuck it behind your ear.

“Can I ask what you and Katniss passed? I heard it was some sort of test.” You pull a leaf off of a plant to fold and pull apart while you walk. “I was going to ask Johanna but I was told I couldn’t see her.”

“I can tell you, but you can’t go and tell Boggs that I did. You can’t tell anyone, actually.” He glances over his shoulder at you, eyes lingering on the flower.

“Promise.” You smile.

“Well, they’re planning an attack on the Capitol, which you already know.” He starts, “The test Katniss and I took was to see if we were eligible to join.”

You can feel the smile disappear from your face, “Why would you want to do that?”

“To help, of course.” He says, “I was placed on the same squad as Katniss, Boggs is going to be leading it. Johanna failed the test, she freaked out. That’s why she wasn’t available for visitors. I had to fight them to be let in.”

“When are you going?” You ask, fingers gravitating toward your mouth, teeth biting onto nails.

“Soon, hopefully. We won’t know more information until we ship out.”

You’re not sure why they, Katniss and Finnick, would want to go there after seeing what happened to you, Johanna and Peeta. Haven’t they learned anything from it? What happens when they get captured? They’re automatically killed.

“That’s a bad idea.” You murmur, “For either of you to go.”

“Our luck, we won’t even be able to do any of the action.” Finnick shrugs, “I could tell by Boggs’ face that we’re going to be decoration.”

You hum, “How much farther?”

“Only a couple more minutes.” Finnick tells you.

He changes the topic, talking about Peeta’s cake decorating skills from a couple of weeks ago. They threw a party and filmed it to use for propaganda. You were in a few of the shots, but not many. The cake that Peeta made had to be carried out by four people, and they were careful not to ruin the beautiful icing that must’ve taken Peeta hours, despite his skilled hand. 

You wish you had even half the talent that he does.

“We’re going this way.” Finnick begins to go down a slope, you follow, not really paying attention.

And then you hear it, the sound of running water. You pick up speed, going right past Finnick to see if what you’re hearing is correct. You’re led to a tree, a patch of shade, and beyond that, a small cliff that leads to a shallow river.

“Oh my god!” You gasp, “You knew this was here?”

“That’s what I was bringing you to.” He laughs, placing the bag down by the tree. He reaches in to pull out the blanket, spreading it over the patch of shade.

You reach to pull off your shoes, not bothering to entertain the idea of sitting down, not with something so refreshing and familiar nearby. You throw your shoes by the end of the blanket, and move on to rolling up the legs of the jumpsuit, not wanting them to get soaking wet.

“What are you doing?” He asks, looking up at you.

“I’m getting in, of course!” You turn away from him, heading to the river.

“Wait!” He shouts behind you, getting up, “What if it’s faster than you think?”

“So be it! Let me get carried away by the waves!” You laugh, sitting down on the edge before scooting in.

You’re afraid that you’re going to land harshly on rocks, but your feet sink into mud. The water is cold, but not as bad as it can be back home in Four. It feels nice on your skin, and combined with the sun… it really is a perfect day for a picnic. 

You wade deeper into the water, feeling it go up to your knees. When you turn around, you’re met with Finnick, standing at the top, staring down at you. You splash a handful of water in his direction, letting out a laugh.

“This is so much better than taking a shower and pretending it’s raining!” You throw your head back, arms out while you spin slightly, “I love it!”

“You don’t want to eat first?” Finnick asks, laughing.

You wave the idea away, “This reminds me of the summer after I won. How we went to the beach all day, forgot sunscreen and went back home burnt to hell. It hasn’t been that hot in a long time.”

Finnick’s face twists, a pout appearing for a second, before it disappears, “I remember.”

“Get in here!” You splash at him again.

[authoreeknight]

I keep thinking about what we actually know about Andor. I've spent way too much time speculating about Kenari and I've decided Gilroy purposely left it vague. Even the "industrial accident" story is suspect. That was the official Imperial storyline for Jedha in Rogue One and authoritarian regimes aren't usually imaginative in their lies so I'm betting it's "Atrocity Coverup Story #1". Interesting that the prohibition on travel to Kenari seems strong enough that Maarva didn't want any hint of it in Cassian's paperwork.

We don't even know exactly how old he was when Maarva, Clem, and B2 took him off in their hauler. He looked to me like he was either in or on the edge of his tween years.

The first hard data comes at age 13, when in the aftermath of Clem's hanging he goes after some Stormtroopers. He's subdued, charged with insurrection, destruction of Imperial property, and assault on an Imperial soldier, and sentenced to 3 years in Sipo Youth Center, getting out when he's 16.

He goes "straight into the mud" on Mimban as a cook, according to Luthen, and within six months figures out he's playing Popular Front Battle Simulator on Hard Mode, where your fellow factions can betray you and there are no respawns. Who was he fighting for? No data, though he does call the Separatists "Sep" and he doesn't use abbreviations for any of the other factions, which means to me either he was used to fighting with them or against them, you tend to use verbal shorthand for words you use a lot. Anyway, he decamps in the manner of Pistol in Henry V, stealing home to Ferrix to steal, using the old wreck of a hauler to stash stuff.

At some point he ends up with Clem's Bryar-model blaster. Maarva was smart enough to hide it from him in the aftermath of Clem's death.

Now we don't know when he started up with Bix, either romantically or in the scheme to sell stolen equipment. But we know the stolen equipment bit only goes back two years at most, because that's when Salman Paak got his transmitter. The romantic element has even less for us to go on beyond that fact that it existed. One possibility is before Clem's death and Sipo, but at 12 or 13 it seems more like he'd be sneaking over that wall into her place so he could use her good game controller. I think it's a lot more likely that it was when he was back from Mimban. Say he's 16-19, a toughened teen more or less and pushing all Bix's "bad boy with a heart of gold" buttons and probably adding a few she didn't know she had. Rebel newly without a cause. Whatever it was the evidence is it was pretty intense for both of them. She gets emotional in Ep 7 when she tells him to leave Ferrix ("for good" is implied but I don't remember it being spoken, though "forget about me" sounds pretty damn permanent). At Bix's very lowest point in the hotel after being tortured her brain went to him showing up to rescue her.

*Sniff*

For Cassian's part, when he crept over her wall in Announcement, he was more than a little intrigued at the idea that Timm had suspicions. Then upon his return to Ferrix he's back over that wall straight away and as soon as he learns she's in Imperial hands his only priority is getting Bix out of there, to the point where he'll mostly ignore Maarva's funeral as that distraction gives him his best shot. Brasso has to go spelunking in that tunnel under the hotel to give him Maarva's final message. Once again, we're short on facts, but I think it's safe to say that Bix is the most important romantic relationship in his life up to this point in S1. He sure didn't look up Peezos 'n Green Revnog on Niamos.

To me, Cassian's still enough of a mensch to risk it all to rescue Bix even if there wasn't so much as a romantic ember still glowing.

We also still don't know who told Luthen about him. Bix said it wasn't her and I believe her. That leaves Salman Paak as the only Ferrix person we know for sure met Luthen (according to information from his interrogation). Maybe he gave Luthen a rundown on potentials and Luthen settled on Bix as the most valuable for his current needs while he did his own research into Cassian. But now we're in the speculation weeds again.

I think that's enough for one Saturday night. I'm going to try to cut down my obsessing to an hour or so a week from now on.

[datschaos]

Little-Big Blessings: Baby Bird Rescue

I have no photos to show, I'm afraid, because my hands were terribly busy taking care of the wee one.

I wanted to share a wholesome heart-warming story, of what my family ended up spending our evening doing yesterday.

(very long story below the cut. The TL;DR: we saved a featherless baby bird in a fallen nest, and they were reunited successfully with their birdie parents <3)

We have a bird's nest on our front step, underneath the alcove, and though we knew there was a bird utilizing the nest to sleep in at night, we'd thought they had abandoned the nest for the raising of young (we found blue robin eggs shattered on the ground, and wondered if a squirrel had snatched them for a snack-- I think, in hindsight, perhaps they were duds rejected by the parents) Yesterday, I opened the door to discover the nest had been toppled over onto the concrete step, and was heartbroken to find two hatchlings, featherless, who had already passed. I was maybe a few minutes too late to save one of them, and I got all my stuff ready to do a little burial and clean up.

Then I turned the nest over, and found one survivor huddled up. The oldest hatchling, this little chick I've come to call Baby had pin feathers just coming in, and was still breathing though their temperature was dangerously low. Gloves already acquired for handling their late nest-mates, I changed gears and scooped the little guy up, got the nest in my other hand, and proceeded to wobble my way to the garage to ask for help from my family because oh snap oh snap baby hurt baby cold baby need halp Sadly, the rehab center for wildlife was closed, and wouldn't be open until the next day; we were on our own, and this little dude needed help asap. The first thing was to get the chick warmth, which we accomplished through a very panicked plan-A-B-C cycle of me having my mom's partner (we'll call him MP) go and dig out my quail supplies with an incubator I'd just built.

Silly me, I forgot I hadn't actually bought a dang lightbulb for the stupid thing yet, so that idea was immediately canned. The baby bird was kept in my hands to keep them warm while we panic-scrambled for supplies. MP went to go prepare a glass tupperware container filled with hot water from the kettle, plus some thick hand towels, so we could get them a better heat source ASAP while we figured out our more permanent solution.

As all this is going on and my mom and MP are being badass awesome caring soft-hearted people with wills of star steel, the little baby bird was being a big trooper; huddled up small to conserve body heat, and putting up with me using one of my softest paint brushes to sweep little mites off, because bugs had found the little guy while he was stuck on the ground. There were so many of them, I ended up taking a risk and using a touch of food-grade diatomaceous earth to help get them off / keep them off, and the poor little dude went from utterly miserable to sleeping more comfortably.

(The risk with DE is it's not good for the respiratory system if inhaled, of which birds are particularly vulnerable and sensitive, and there's concerns its abbrassive texture could cause irritation on sensitive oil glands and interrupt bird preening processes. I did my absolute best to get that little guy dusted off and kept it off his face; for the situation, it felt worth the possible risks, and it was done with exceptional care and patience. It was that, or let the mites keep crawling inside his nose and ears and fuck it all I waged WAR and SIEGE upon those tiny fucks. EAT PAINTBRUSH FLICKS, MITES. They finally stopped appearing and baby stopped wiggling in discomfort and finally relaxed, so I am tentatively hopeful we made the right choice)

I also may or may not have liberally panic-hand-rubbed myself down in the DE to make damn sure I didn't carry any of the mites to my own birds or get them on m e. (ew ew ew ew ew ew ew ew)

Finally-- Baby bird was warmed and comfortable enough, that we got a little yellow mouth going wide open for "FEED ME I AM DESPERATELY HUNGRY" and I took that as a very, very good sign-- its always a big red flag if the patient ain't got an appetite, but especially the little bottomless pits who need to eat every 15-20 minutes. They hit dehydration and energy drained fatigue real fast.

Sadly, I had no emergency food prepped for the little dude, as we were still in the process of "GET A SAFE HEAT SOURCE" and "holy shit gtfo bugs leave baby bird ALOOOONE" and time was ticking. Maybe... eight minutes had passed. It felt like f o r e v e r with that tiny, fragile heartbeat and quick breathing in my palm.

While MP was getting the hot water situation set up and I waged war on insects as tiny as the ends of hair, my mom was busy engineering how to fix and re-attach the nest, because we all collectively decided that since the nestling was older, stronger, and doing well all things considered, and momma/dad bird were pretty dang used to us, we would try to re-attach the nest and see if they'd come back to their last remaining nestling. If they were willing to pick up on care of their baby right where they'd left off, that was all-around the idealmost outcome.

At last, everything came together. My mom had prepped an epic little nest (she happened to have some leather straps with pre-punched holes handy, and used those to make a reinforced bucket support and secure cotton cord to to lash everything together all nice and strong-like. Ain't nobody moving this nest without trying to!) that we lined with, for lack of more appropriate materials, fresh very fine, soft grass and some dried soft plant matter from local native grasses. I'm sure Mama Bird is not impressed with our nest making skills, but we did our best under the circumstances.

I will note-- while the baby bird was enjoying his heat source, and we were all scrambling to prep the nest for re-attachment, I was fretting the entire time between brushing more mites off the baby as they appeared and checking the chick's temperature and the surface of the towel they were on *constantly* because it's so easy for them to overheat; and I was using a hot water heat source, not a fancy thermostat-controlled heat source. It was good I was, because the chick did get too warm at one point (there's a distinct difference in birds panting and birds opening their mouths going "FEED MEEEEE") and I shifted him a bit further from the warmth and then eventually, had him back in my hand to keep warm. (Not what I would recommend under ideal circumstances, but yep, that's exactly what I did because it was that or watch the little dude suffer and I chose comfort. That little yawn and head scrunch cuddle was worth it).

Baby bird did eventually warm up enough to have the strength to ask for and accept some R.O. water (my favorite feature in this entire got danged house as far as functionalities go, I love that stupid little useful filter thing. So do my plants and the betta fishy we adopted)

Finally, nest was ready, and I was feeling confident the baby bird would be strong enough to be able to hold out for their parents to come back; they'd taken some water, they'd gotten enough strength to ask for food, and they'd had the strength and energy enough to complain and curl themselves up into a prefered position for snuggles in their towel nest once I was able to settle them in that again. So, up we went! MP got the newly refurbished nest re-attached to the light fixture it was built upon, (A motion activated one... which Momma Robin LOVES because it tells her any time someone comes close to her nesting area at night. Girl literally got built-in security to her nest it's epic.), and baby bird settled into it (with much silent complaining). My biggest worry was a lack of any vocalizations and how tired the chick still was, but they were warmed back up from their time in the shade on the cold concrete, and the weather was very warm outside.

Baby delivered, nest restored, we all wandered off to give Momma bird space. I brought my phone into my car on the driveway and got comfy with fanfic to read, and waited. After a google I got the recommendation to wait ~1 hour for Momma Bird to come back

Half an hour came and went. I kept obsessively glancing over and also checking the temperature on the weather to make sure the temp-drop was still predicted to come much later that night, and figured out the baby would be able to likely survive comfortably enough (aside from being very weak from needed food/hydration) for up to two hours temperature wise outside. (according to le mighty google, 75 degrees for a chick with pinfeathers, which this little dude has, was the golden temp, and we were in the high 70's to low 80's)

Thirty eight minutes come and go. I'm starting to get fidgety and planning out how the heck I'm going to keep a baby bird warm in my garage overnight (I absolutely cannot bring them into the house-- I have parrots, so transfer of disease or bugs or anything was not a risk I was willing to take either for my babies or for this baby, it was hard enough I was handling them at all. thank goodness for gloves!) and feeding them and and and

Which I've done before; and thusly, I knew exactly how hard it is to stay on the schedule of replacing momma bird to feed a hungry tiny belly every 20-40 minutes when the chick demands food, and they still need noms through the night, though far less (with Chippers, I think he let me sleep ~2 hours before going PEEP PEEP PEEP FEED ME I HUNGI)

And then, the most glorious sight, and my heart felt overwarm and then i had a fucking TOTAL PANIC OF OH GOD PLS NO PLS PLS P LS PLS because Momma Bird (I assume momma bird based on behavior and the fact this bird is the one who took over sitting down on the nestling while the other flew off for food, then returned with said food) flew to the nest after 48 minutes of baby bird being alone in th enest, and she just.

She just STOOD there, man. Straight legged, all her feathers flat, standing up as tall as possible and craning her head down to stare like a statue into that renovated mess of a nest. And all I could think was oh god pls tell me the baby is still alive and we didn't just have her come home to a passed nestling.

She stayed like that for a solid 30-40 seconds, and then she finally moved, creeping around the nest and plucking at the grass blades we'd added, checking everything over, inspecting her baby. Daddy bird came nest, and the two twittered at each other and bounced around, both their heads vanished into the nest to nudge the baby.

Then I saw that little head pop up and a yellow beak open, and dad (or mom? I admit, I haven't taken the time to google which feeds the baby, so I am guesstimating based on experience with other bird species, so don't quote me on this heh) promptly hacked some food up for the nestling, then flew off. Came back, flew off again, and away he stayed while mom got settled down on the nest.

I stayed in my car for probably another ~20 minutes, just to make sure I didn't immediately scare the parents away after they'd only just reunited with their chick. Checked again this morning, and a little head came poking up over the nest; Baby bird made the night, and fate willing, is gonna be just fine with their parents taking care of them.

\o/ I'm just so dang heart-warmed and filled with gratitude for my family. That'd have been incredibly difficult if not impossible for me to do on my own, because I couldn't go inside the house and risk contamination touching things to get supplies for the baby (also, having my hands full with a cold baby who was surviving on the blessed fortune of my hands deciding that for ONCE they are gonna be warm not ice cubes today, thank you spirits and whoever else I need to thank for that one), and I was toast. I was real dizzy and not feeling great that day, so even what little I did do was exhausting. My family was toast, too, having just gotten home from a business trip.

So, big thanks to them, and just. Yeah. I dunno, the message I took away from all that was the things you do in life do matter. I coulda just walked away from the baby nest or put it up and stuffed the baby in and said "gl i guess' or done what some people do and throw everything into the trash can whether there's still living nestlings or not (I cannot believe this is a thing people do this I'm horrified).

Seeing the parents reuinite with their chick and the twittering and body language they displayed as they got settled and looked their baby over, that was worth all the second-guessing and self-doubt and forced-thinking-through-panic.

[tripleaxeldiaz]

nobody wants to hear you sing about tragedy

read on ao3

Eddie’s fine. Really. He’s got a fresh scar on his right shoulder, a twin to his other one, and a couple more medical bills to pay off, but other than that, everything is good.

Why shouldn’t it be? Things could be worse — he could’ve lost his arm, could’ve been shot in the spine instead, could’ve not survived the trip to the hospital. But he did — he’s healed, he’s still breathing, and he’s ready to get back to work on Monday, to stop staring at the inside of his house and get back to the life he’d finally started to feel settled in. There’s a twinge in his chest every time he thinks about actually being back out in the field, but it’s just nerves, a small worry at getting back into the swing of things. He knows the team and how well they work together, so he’s sure one rope rescue with Buck is all it’ll take to feel normal again.

He’s fine. Or almost fine. Really, he is. He doesn’t let the tremble in his hands or the ice in his gut tell him otherwise.

~~~~~~~~~~

It doesn’t really register, the first time it happens. There’s a glint of light in his periphery, and for a second, his arms go numb. It’s just a second, though — he sees the flash again, sunlight shining off an axe Ravi is packing onto the truck, and he moves on, doesn’t think about it again.

The next time, the wind whips by his ear a little too fast after a call at the pier, and he turns around so quickly he cracks his neck, the thought of bulletbulletbullet ricocheting in his head. It gets him a concerned look from Bobby and reminds him that he never called that therapist his doctor mentioned at his last visit, but he elects to deal with it later and moves on.

Things keep happening, but they’re all small, insignificant — someone laughing too loudly at dinner, the feel of hot asphalt under his hands as he reaches under the ambulance for a runaway bandage roll, a phantom jolt of pain in his shoulder when someone accidentally jostles him running to the truck.

Tiny things, meaningless, not even worth remembering.

He’ll get used to them, eventually. He’s been healing, isolated from the real world for months now, it’s going to be a bit of a shock to his system and his senses.

He doesn’t call the therapist.

~~~~~~~~~~

Buck’s happy. Genuinely happy, in an open, honest way that Eddie doesn’t think he’s ever seen. His laughs are still loud but they’re freer, unrestrained, and his smile is bright enough to light whatever room he’s in. It makes something sing in Eddie’s chest, especially when all that wattage gets directed at him. If he’s honest, the music’s been there for a while, it just took lying in his own blood, reaching toward the only thing that felt like safety, for him to finally put a name on the song that’s been playing.

Talk about shitty timing.

Because Buck’s with Taylor now, and as much as he still doesn’t care for her, she’s helping with Buck’s new attitude too. He sees the soft smiles that linger after a text from her, and he only gives himself a minute to wish it were for him instead before reminding himself how much of a miracle those smiles are at all.

If he had watched Buck get shot, been splattered with his blood, been soaked with it as he tried to stop it from leaking out of his chest, he’s not sure he would’ve had any kind of happiness to spare.

So he adds this feeling, this particularly green beast twisting in his chest, to the list of things that he’s just going to have to get used to, and moves on. Buck is still in his and Chris’ life, still at their house more than his own, still the center of both of their worlds, and that’s enough. 

It has to be.

~~~~~~~~~~

“Wow, Eddie, you look like shit.”

He glares at Chimney as best he can, but he’s too tired for it to hold any heat. “Good morning to you too, Chim.”

Hen sits next to him at the table where he’s nursing his second mug of coffee of the day, downing the first one before driving Chris to school. She presses the back of her hand to his forehead, and he tries not to melt into the touch too much.

“You don’t feel warm,” she says, “but you look like you’ve been hit by a truck.”

He shrugs, staring down at his coffee. “Just haven’t been sleeping well.”

That may be an understatement. Not sleeping well implies sleeping at all, which Eddie’s not sure he’s been able to do in the past few days. It was easy enough when he first got home, still on pain meds that made his eyelids constantly heavy. And when Chris crawled into his bed the night after his sling came off, quiet but sniffling and burrowing into his side, it was a relief to gather him up close, a hand stroking through his hair as they both drifted off, clinging to each other. It was good for both of them, necessary to remind them both that Eddie is still here, but Chris went to his own room on Monday night instead of Eddie’s, and Eddie refused to take that choice away from him. 

So he’s been alone, in a too dark room with a too big bed and a too loud brain that only shows him flashes of light and blood and fear whenever he does try to close his eyes.

Just another thing he has to get used to.

He sees Chim and Hen exchange a look and hopes to God they don’t press it. He’s beyond frayed, his state of exhaustion warring with his almost constant state of hypervigilance, and he’s not sure if he’d snap or cry or both if they try to ask him any more questions. Either way, that’s not how he wants them or anyone else to see him, especially not at work. At work, he’s Mr. Cool, always level headed, always in the game, always on top of it. Despite the jumpiness, despite the sense of dread that seems to be a permanent fixture under his skin, he’s been able to keep that attitude going, even getting lost in it sometimes, feeling like the Eddie of four months ago again. If that starts to unravel, who knows what other parts of him will fall apart with it?

Luckily, they seem to get the hint, a pat on the back and a squeeze on the shoulder as they leave the loft to restock the ambulance. But even once they’re gone and he’s alone in the quiet of the loft again, Eddie feels exposed. Fragile. Vulnerable. Teetering on the edge of an abyss he can’t afford to fall into. And he hates it, because this isn’t him. He’s the protector, the provider, the guy who’s survived getting shot twice now, and as much as he encourages Chris to be open and emotional, it still feels wrong to him, like something too close to failure. He knows, rationally, that talking about the mess in his head would probably help, but it would also feel like a loss. Like this one-sided war he’s been fighting was all for nothing.

He hears Buck before he sees him, his unmistakable bounding up the stairs echoing through the whole loft. Just that sound, just the knowledge that Buck is about to be in his vicinity, is enough to yank Eddie back from the edge. He’s not settled or calm or better, but he’s not worse. These days, that’s all he can really ask for.

Buck takes Hen’s vacant seat, stealing a sip of coffee and chattering about a traveling art exhibit he thinks they should take Chris to. Eddie feels the vice on his ribs loosen, letting Buck’s voice and enthusiasm wash over him, pushing him back to center. He doesn’t quite make it, not when Buck stops talking mid-sentence, brow furrowed and looking so intensely at Eddie he can probably see right through him

“You look tired,” Buck says. 

Tired isn’t a strong enough word. But he smirks half heartedly instead, willing a little bit of his confidence back to get the subject changed sooner. “And here I thought I looked good today.”

“No, you always—“ Buck clears his throat and shakes his head, “You just look like you could use a nap. Are you okay?”

And for the first time since he woke up in the hospital with a new hole in his body and extra demons in his head, Eddie doesn’t want to say he’s fine. In the face of earnest blue eyes and worry lines, he doesn’t want to lie, and that’s exactly what an I’m fine would be, no matter how much he’s been trying to ignore it. He doesn’t want to downplay and pretend that it’s nothing, because it’s Buck. Buck who has seen him lower than he’s ever let anyone see, who slept on his couch so he was never too far away from him or Chris, who knows when Eddie needs to be pulled or pushed or pressed or none of the above. 

He doesn’t want to just say he’s fine, because he’s not.

The courage to say so finally fills him, just in time for Buck’s phone to light up, Taylor’s name flashing across the screen on two messages. Buck doesn’t even glance at his phone before flipping it face down and pushing it to the side, but it’s too late — Eddie feels his walls going back up, any bravery leaving to make room for the reminder that Buck is in a good place and Eddie will do anything to keep him there. He’ll take another bullet, he’ll keep every emotion under lock and key, he’ll carve his own damn heart out of his chest if he has to. He cannot — will not ��� be the reason that smile that’s become so natural on Buck’s face dims by even a watt. 

The crease in between Buck’s brow has only gotten deeper the longer Eddie hasn’t answered, so he musters up the most genuine smile he can. “I’m okay, Buck. I promise.” The lie cuts through his throat like broken glass.

Buck squints at him, scooting forward until his knees are digging into Eddie’s thigh. “You’d tell me if you weren’t, right?”

“Of course,” he says, another lie, more salt in the wounds he’s already given himself. Buck’s quiet for a few long moments, studying Eddie’s face, and Eddie prays that he doesn’t crack, that Buck doesn’t keep pressing. By some miracle, he doesn’t, just rests a hand on Eddie’s knee and squeezes before heading to the pantry for a snack.

The vice is back as soon as he’s out of sight, and Eddie’s list of things he has to learn to live with is starting to feel a little too long.

~~~~~~~~~~

Healing isn’t linear. It’s something he’s heard from every doctor he’s seen, every therapist he’s been assigned to, something he’s experienced first hand, physically and emotionally. So when he wakes up one morning feeling rested, energetic, and normal, he’s wary. He doesn’t want to focus on it, afraid he’ll scare this fragile feeling away, but he also wants to soak in it as much as he can. Wants to remember the easy laughs with the team and the night of board games with Chris and Buck when he’s inevitably surrounded by darkness again tomorrow.

He falls asleep and he doesn’t dream and he wakes up and feels...normal. Again. Same thing the morning after, and the morning after that. For a whole week, he doesn’t wake up with the taste of blood in his mouth or a soreness in his shoulder. He hears birds and sees the sun peaking in and feels something dangerously close to good. The wariness is still there, but every day it gets pushed a little farther back in his mind, making it a little easier to believe that while this feeling might not last, maybe it won’t be as dark when the clouds roll back in.

He’s wrong. 

The restlessness comes back with a vengeance — a thrumming in his blood that won’t let him sleep, that amplifies every sound to sharp snaps that remind him too much of the gunfire he’s been trying to forget, putting him constantly on edge again. There’s a heaviness too, making it hard to breathe, hard to move, even though staying in one place for too long feels like putting a target on his back for the monsters that have made a home in his head.

He tries to keep his cool, tries to keep the facade up, but it’s hard to keep your balance on a frayed tightrope.

Bobby notices the shift right away.

It doesn’t help that even the quiet thump of the oven closing makes Eddie flinch where he’s sitting at the kitchen counter. He had hoped that watching Bobby make breakfast would calm him, remind him of the countless hours he’s spent in Abuela’s kitchen doing the very same thing, but it doesn’t. He’s still jittery, worse than he can remember being, and everything just feels like too much. 

Bobby sets a to-go container down in front of him, and Eddie flinches (and curses himself) again. He looks up, confused, and is met with Bobby’s I’m about to tell you to do something and you are not allowed to say no look. Usually it’s Buck on the receiving end of that one.

He tries for a deflection. “Are we going somewhere, Cap?”

The look stays in place. “We are not. You are. There’s enough in there for you and Chris, take it home and don’t let me see you here for the next 48 hours.”

“There’s still three hours left of shift.”

Bobby pushes the container closer. “Go home, Diaz. Be with your kid. We’ll talk when you get back. And if you won’t talk to me, we’ll find someone you will talk to.”

Normally, he’d fight back. Raise his hackles, insist he doesn’t need any special treatment or intervention. But he feels like his insides have been scooped out and replaced with lead and cement and he’s tired. He barely has enough left in him to keep himself upright.

He slowly picks up the container and gets up to leave. Bobby calls his name as he gets to the top of the stairs.

“We’re here for you,” he says. “You’ve been through too much to be handling this on your own. Just let us know how we can help.”

I would if I could, but I don’t even know where to start. 

He just nods, hopes his face looks some degree of reassuring, and heads to the locker room.

~~~~~~~~~~

The way Chris’ face lights up when he sees Eddie waiting for him in the front office is enough to thaw the ice in his chest for a minute. He can hear the exact octave his mother’s voice would reach if she heard about him pulling Chris out of school for “no good reason”, but he also could not give less of a shit.

He feels a little bit more like a person with Chris in the backseat. That’s a good enough reason for him.

They set up camp in the park near their house, Bobby’s food and extra snacks Eddie picked up spread out between them, and Chris fills Eddie in on all the things he missed while he was working. He tries to focus on everything — Chris’ excitement about his upcoming science fair, the Sour Patch Watermelon sugar stuck to the tip of his nose, the way his hands move with his words. Eddie feels better, more settled, just getting to bask in the sun and in Chris like this, but he still feels heavy, like every move he makes has him fighting against gravity, threatening to pull him into the dirt. 

There’s a crack from the playground in front of them, and Eddie’s blood turns to ice. He’s halfway to standing before he sees it’s just some kids snapping sticks in half to build some kind of log cabin. He lets out a slow breath as he sits back down and wills his heartbeat back to normal.

Chris is staring at him, eyes intense and brow furrowed, very similar to someone else they know.

Shit.

As soon as he’s settled, Chris moves to sit in the criss-cross of his legs. He’s a little too on the lanky side for this anymore, but Eddie’s absolutely not going to complain. Chris twists until he’s looking Eddie in the eye. Eddie does his best not to look away.

Chris rests a hand on his cheek. “It’s okay if you’re feeling bad,” he says. “You can talk to me about it, if you want.”

The crack comes from Eddie’s own heart this time. His kid has been through so much in 10 short years, and it’s only made him wiser than he should be, compassionate and understanding and open, ready to be there for anyone without a second thought. He’s good in every sense of the word, and Eddie’s in awe of the fact that he, somehow, has something to do with that. And the last thing he wants to do is lie to his son, but he just...can’t. Talk about it. Not now. Not yet. Not in a way that will keep Chris this good.

He has no way of articulating all that, so he just wraps his arms around Chris’ middle and squeezes him close.

“I know, buddy. Thank you. I’ll be okay, and we’ll talk soon.”

It’s not a lie, but it’s not everything.

It seems to be enough for Chris, though. He nods and pats Eddie’s face before reaching into his backpack and pulling out a library book. “Well, I’m gonna read to you until you feel better, just like you do for me.”

It’s the first real smile Eddie’s cracked in months. He kisses the top of Chris’ head, settling his chin there as Chris leans back into his chest.

“Sounds like a good plan to me.”

They sit there for a while longer, Chris reads to him about Percy and Annabeth and Grover, and Eddie, inexplicably, feels a little bit lighter.

~~~~~~~~~~

Buck’s Jeep is parked outside when they get home, and Chris practically breaks down the door to greet him. It looks like he’s gone all out, too — Chinese food on the table, the promise of cookies and cream ice cream in the fridge, and a list of movies that Chris ecstatically agrees with as Buck lists them off. Chris hurries off to change and clean up for dinner, and Eddie moves to start opening plastic lids and cardboard containers. 

“You didn’t have to go to all this trouble,” he says. He leaves out just having you with us is enough.

Buck waves him off. “Anything for you two.”

He could leave it at that, keep up the comfortable silence as they move around the kitchen in tandem, but there’s a nagging memory that he has to ask about or he’ll never stop thinking about it.

“Didn’t you have a date with Taylor tonight?”

Buck tenses ever so slightly, a container of dumplings shifting in his hand. “Cancelled,” he says with a shrug.

Eddie knows there’s more, but Chris comes back before he can ask, and it doesn’t feel like a conversation they can have in front of a 10 year old. So they eat, and fall into the familiar banter between the three of them, and for half an hour, Eddie can be present. He can forget the last six months and the weight still hanging off of him and live in this moment, with the two most important people in his life, and pretend that this is all there is. Just these two and their joy and warmth that wraps around him tight enough to make him feel alive again, if only for a little while.

Two bowls of ice cream and one and a half movies later, Chris is dead to the world. Buck carries him to bed and Eddie tries to ignore the new ache that’s sprung up of the course of the evening, the one that wants and pulls towards Buck like a magnet. The one that almost purrs when Buck settles back on the couch so close they’re touching from ankle to (good) shoulder, contentedness washing over the living room as they find a rerun of The Shawshank Redemption playing on cable. It’s not perfect, there’s still a roiling in his blood that won’t seem to leave him alone, but he feels better than he has in God knows when.

Buck shifts closer to Eddie, eyes glowing in the light of the TV, and Eddie never wants him to leave. “Thanks for coming tonight. I— Chris and I both really needed this, I think.”

“I told you, anything for you two. Always.”

He ignores the way his stomach flips and tries to focus on the movie. He gets about five minutes of peace before another thought comes back, still nagging him, mixing with his anxiety enough to actually force him to say something.

He aims for cool and casual. “So, you and Taylor...everything okay?”

Buck gives him a very long, almost challenging look before turning off the TV. Seems he missed that casual mark. “I should be asking you the same thing.” “Very funny.”

“I’m not trying to be. I’m really worried about you, Eds.”

“This isn’t my first time getting shot, I know how to handle it.” He doesn’t mean for it to come out as bitter as it does, but he can’t bring himself to care, either. He doesn’t have the energy to keep a filter up anymore.

“Eddie, I’m serious.”

“I’m fine, Buck,” he says sharply, and he’s surprised his teeth haven’t fallen out of his head yet with how hard he’s lying through them. He hates that he’s lying to Buck at all, but those smiles he’s gotten used to have been fewer and farther between recently, and he knows it’s his fault. He might feel like his own seams are coming apart, but he’ll be damned if he rips Buck open too, even if it means pushing him away from his mess. “You’ve got a life and a girlfriend to worry about, I’ll figure everything out on my own.” 

“I don’t.”

“What?”

“I don’t have a girlfriend. We broke up.”

Eddie pauses, curses the faint hope that sparks in his chest. “Why?”

“Because I’ve been a little distracted by someone else for the past few months. It didn’t feel fair to her to keep it going.”

He gives him another long look, and Eddie might be a little dense when it comes to things like this, but that look breaks through loud and clear. This is it. This is real. This is everything he’s wanted for the past six months — and probably longer than that — but now that it’s happening, it doesn’t feel right. Buck was happy, free, finally settled into his own skin, and it’s all gone now because of Eddie and his stupid, broken everything. He knows he won’t be able to give Buck everything he needs, at least right now, but Buck needs to know that too. “Buck—”

“Nope,” he says with a firm shake of his head. “I know you’re gonna try and blame yourself for this somehow, but…don’t. It was bound to happen anyway. Because you’re right, I do have a life, but it’s you two. You and Chris. That’s all I need it to be. That’s all I want it to be. And I hate that it took so long for me to figure out, that it took you getting shot, but we’re here now.” His eyes shutter a bit as he looks down at his hands. “At least, I hope we are.”

And there it is. So simple, so easy, for Buck to admit this huge thing that Eddie thought he was dancing around on his own. The ease reminds Eddie, through his fog of sadness and anger and every other bleak feeling that’s been controlling him, that that’s what makes them work so well together. Honesty. Being able to show all their ugly, mismatched inside parts to each other and still find the beauty, the ways to help, the ways to hold each other together when they need it the most.

And Eddie doesn’t think he’s ever needed to be held together more than he does right now.

“Ask me,” he whispers, the sound seeming to echo around the room.

“Ask you what?”

“Ask me if I’m okay.”

Buck shuffles on the couch until they’re facing each other, takes both of Eddie’s hands in his. 

“Eddie,” he says softly, “are you okay?”

The world blurs as the tears he’s been fighting finally break free, but he feels strong. Brave. Like he can do anything now that Buck’s holding his hand.

“No,” he says, a crack in his voice but the conviction behind it still firm. “No, I’m not okay.”

The floodgates open, and he lets everything wash over him, all the things he’s been holding back, forcing away in the hopes that they’d just disappear one day. He’s floating and sinking and lost in the waves of it all, but strong arms wrap around him and pull him close, and there’s relief. Not a lot, not enough, but it’s there, for the first time since he woke up in the hospital. He feels safe here, with Buck wiping away his tears and pressing kisses along his hairline. He honestly forgot what safety felt like, was sure he’d never feel anything like it again. But he knew it that day he was bleeding out on the street, and he knows it now — it feels like Buck’s sweatshirt and smells like his aftershave and sounds like whispers of it’s okay and I’ve got you.

It all subsides, eventually, but Buck still holds him close, presses their foreheads together so there’s nothing else Eddie can focus on. His eyes are piercing, bright like Eddie only usually sees when Buck has a plan that refuses to be derailed.

“Let me help, Eddie,” he says, punctuated with a kiss on Eddie’s cheek. “I know you think you can do this yourself, but you don’t have to. I don’t want you to. Let me help you carry it.”

His voice left with the rush of everything, so all Eddie can do is nod before sinking back into Buck, into relief. Even that simple motion, the silent acknowledgement that he’s not alone anymore, is enough to let small seeds of hope sink into him and take root. They’re still weak, still unfamiliar, but they’re here, waiting to grow. 

And Eddie knows, with a certainty that he forgot he was capable of, that Buck will be here to help tend to them, no matter how long it takes for them to blossom.

~~~~~~~~~~

When Eddie wakes up the next morning, he still feels weighed down. There’s still an edge, an unease low in his gut, anxiety still crawling through his veins.

He’s not okay. But he looks over and sees Buck — breathing even, arm thrown over Eddie’s stomach, keeping him close — and the ever-present darkness fades from an angry black to melancholy grey. Not perfect, not even close, but better.

He’s not okay. He hasn’t been for a while. But now, finally, he feels like he will be.

[andypantsx3]

How did Todoroki’s secret mission go & was his mind on a certain veggie lover 👀 (If I Could Keep Cool)

“What the fuck was that, halfie?” Bakugou demanded, marching over to loom menacingly over Shouto.

Shouto lay on his back, panting, forcing himself to ignore Bakugou and continue to regulate his temperature. The massive ice tower he’d formed to get himself high enough to leap for their escape ride—a low flying, military stealth helicopter—had sent his right side into shock, and if he didn’t do things right, he’d end up with permanent damage from frostbite.

The ice tower hadn’t been the subtlest of moves, but then, their mission was already accomplished, and it wouldn’t matter much now that the minister of foreign affairs had been rescued. 

Bakugou, apparently, however, was not as pleased with the results of their operation. “Half idiot half fucking moron, that’s your quirk. What the fuck were you doing, blanking out in the middle of the damn street? I should have let them blow your ass to hell!”

Shouto groaned, staring blankly up from the floor of the helicopter as the wind whipped around them. He breathed out a cold lungful of air, sending hot waves through his right side as he did, turning the air slightly smoky as it drifted up to the ceiling. Bakugou’s angry face intercepted his view.

Bakugou, for all his bluster, was not entirely incorrect. Shouto had, for the briefest of moments, hesitated in the middle of the removal operation, and for the absolute stupidest of reasons.

He threw an arm over his eyes. “I appreciate the assist, Bakugou.”

A booted foot jammed itself into his side. “Why the fuck did I have to assist you at all? The mission was to rescue this sniveling idiot, not your candy cane ass.”

Shouto could hear the calm tones of a rescue medic, speaking quietly to the minister over the whoosh of the helicopter blades, and just over that, the soft sniffling of the rescuee in question. He sighed.

“Something...caught my attention,” he said, hesitantly.

Shouto wasn’t proud of what had happened. He’d been essential to the first part of the mission, his ice quirk lending itself to a more subtle infiltration strategy—freezing all the guards along their route into the building—than Bakugou’s. He’d gotten them in and out in record time, with nary a scratch on either of them, and Bakugou hadn’t even needed to use his quirk at all. It was only as they were leaving the compound that the terrorist cell had caught wind of the escape and put themselves on high alert.

It had resulted in a wild chase down the streets of the small surrounding town, and even then Shouto had been more than carrying the team, throwing up ice walls to block the paths of pursuing vehicles and concealing their location. It was only when he’d spotted an overturned vegetable cart had he stopped, just for a millisecond, some deep recess of his brain dredging up an image of you.

Bakugou, thankfully, had keyed in on a sniper taking aim and had launched the man into the stratosphere before Shouto could move—a little too gleefully, in Shouto’s opinion. He could tell not getting to use his quirk had been eating at his former classmate all evening.

Shouto would have stopped the man in time, he knew, but it had been embarrassing that he’d paused at all.

He really, really needed to set things to rights with you so he could stop fretting over it. Preferably several times, long and slow, right over the top of his counters, as he’d been imagining for months and months now.

Another kick to his side broke him from his daydream, Bakugou’s sneering face swimming back into focus.

“Earth to fucking icy hot,” he said. “Quit ignoring me or I’ll throw you out of this damn thing myself.”

His threat proved not to mean much, as Shouto could see they were approaching the checkpoint, already descending slowly towards the landing pad. Bakugou continued to rage over being ignored, the minister they’d rescued eyeing him warily, looking almost like he’d prefer to be returned into the hands of his kidnappers, but Shouto couldn’t bring himself to pay any of it much attention now.

It was time, he decided.

As soon as he got back, he would tell you his feelings for you, and hope you accepted. He was fairly certain you would, but one never really knew with these kinds of things.

As he made it inside the checkpoint, however, and was returned his belongings and his phone, he found he needn’t have worried.

There on his phone was a link to a news video, your nervous face clear in the center of the shot, with a text from his manager sitting primly underneath.

Yue Suzuki-san  5:52 AM: You’re going to want to see this.

Shouto had never clicked play faster.

Garbage Fest masterlist & schedule

[feelingbluepolitics]

We Must Handle the Truth

There's no question that the management of Donald trump will be an issue of on-going global importance. Knocking him from his (alleged) official perch is only the first step.

The more crucial steps must follow, because trump will retain his influence and his supporters, and they will do whatever he hints that he wants, even up to treasonous attacks, assassination attempts, and mass murders.

We must be clear. There is no cozy "look to the future and heal" pretence of an option in our present situation. This is aside from the fact that taking that Pollyanna path repeatedly --from Watergate to Reagan to Bush-- helped to criminalize and radicalize the Republicon Party into the danger they are today.

Shame, honor, and true patriotism have become vestigial on the Right. Their criminal administrations and elected representatives keep getting away with what they do because we embolden them each time with a blind eye.

That is not how justice works. The blind eye of justice means that no one, no matter how powerful, is exempt. The time to work on that is January 20, 2021, and we are far overdue. Politicians, corporations, tax cheats, polluters: we still have laws, for all of trump's and his administration's destructive efforts.

We sully our government offices and endanger our nation by not requiring accountability to the office and to the people, over and above any present occupant. Where we are blocked by pardons we must still have thorough public investigation. That is not a waste of time for lack of a prosecutorial path. It is existential. It's the accountability we cannot do without. It's the foundation of the future laws we need to draft and pass to safeguard this country.

Pardons become entirely corrupt when we acquiesce to them blocking investigation. Democracies survive on information and truth, combined. We are where we are now in part because we still have corrupt actors left-over from Watergate active in our politics.

What are we to do about trump? That isn't initially, or perhaps ever, all about pardons, or state versus federal charges, or orange jumpsuits. In this instance, ironically, the potential solution is all about trump. This is where an examination of how trump interacts with the rest of the human world can guide us.

He forms specific categories of relationships which are actually invariable, because he is permanently shallow and unperceptive. Because trump the consumate narcissist is always the center of every relationship, and because he is, without introspection, forever fixed in all his defects, all of his various relationships fall into the same patterns within their categories. Here they are:

1) The Strongmen. Shades of daddy Fred trump, these are aspirational relationships teaching the type of utter control the core pathetic trump would like to wield. But because of daddy, trump is conditioned to the "love me, admire me, and be useful and loyal or I will harm or destroy you" format, but on the weaker side.

This is why we have seen trump pushing the United States of America into eagerly obsequious deference with respect to Russia, North Korea, and Turkey, and also pandering to Saudi Arabia's power which is additionally derived through vast transactional wealth.

But we cannot and do not want to transform America or Biden into this Strongman mold, because then it will have been pointless to remove trump.

2) The Assets. This category comprises trump's immediate family members and all Republicons in office, from Mitch McConnell to Kevin McCarthy, and from Michigan’s Republicon Senate members to, potentially, Gorsuch, Kavanaugh, and Barrett. This category also extends to trump's supporters, mostly as a collective.

These are the flipside of the Strongman category, where trump gets to play the opposite role. These people are tools, who work constantly to remain in good standing with trump, rendering obsequious deference and servitude as a matter of advantage but also, essentially, as a matter of status survival.

trump is a horrible antagonist or enemy.

This, by the way, is exactly the relationship this country cannot continue to allow with trump, as a matter of national security.

3) The Targets. We know who they are. They caught trump's wrathful attention. Some of the targets are personal to trump to varying degrees, while some are a matter of expediency, or are demonstrated examples, or are, so far, peripheral.

But everybody knows trump will never stop -- that is the personna he cultivated-- unless a Target person has something of value to make them an Asset again. (This is why trump is called purely transactional, in combination with having no beliefs, no morality, and no honesty.)

Fauci, and Birx, (who for a while pulled off a mommy-style interaction with trump as he tried to impress her with nifty genius like injecting bleach), are in a no-man's land, transitional between Asset and Target, in part because trump doesn't like attention on covid if he can help it.

We don't know exactly what trump will try to inflict on Mary trump for writing her book, but we've already seen a variety of attacks against Bolton, Kelly, and Michael Cohen, along with innumerable others. (It isn't just books. It's that these people did not keep flattering, and obey.)

He ousted from political power Jeff Sessions, Jeff Flake, Bob Corker (White House as "an adult day care center"), and Mark Sanford, of "the Appalachian Trail." He can do the same to any other individual Republicon, because as a group, they are all too backstabbing, dishonorable, greedy, and cowardly to unite against him.

Certainty we have seen trump's behavior with respect to Fox Gnus, the Clintons, and Obama.

This is the relationship this country cannot allow itself to fall into with trump. But how possibly to prevent it?

For that, we look to another category of trump's relationships.

4) The Survivors. Of those not in the Strongman category, there are few people who have survived relationships with Donald trump and who can get trump to do favors for them -- to do what they want.

It is dangerous idiocy to call them trump's "friends," by way of explaining their leverage and longevity. The key is leverage.

Rudy Giuliani :

- A "very, very good relationship" with trump.

- "I've seen things written like he's going to throw me under the bus. When they say that, I say he isn't, but I have insurance."

- "I do have very, very good insurance."

Giuliani's insurance is knowledge; some knowledge about trump gives him leverage. The leverage has to represent knowledge that trump fears exposure of or consequences for. Giuliani doesn't fear being otherwise loose-lipped, or even crazy, and his relationship with trump is currently letting him pull in $20,000 a day for "legal work."

Roger Stone :

"[trump] knows I was under enormous pressure to turn on him. It would have eased my situation considerably. But I didn't."

This leverage allowed Stone to openly demand clemency from trump regardless of any amount of political capital it could potentially cost.

The succession of wives, too, possess whatever personal knowledge, likely far more powerful than negotiated pre-nups and settlements, which ensure the notorious litigious deadbeat abides willingly by contractual terms.

As a nation, we need to survive trump. We have observed what works. But as a nation, we must address the issue of trump just a bit differently. Unlike Giuliani, Stone, or even Putin’s special holds over trump, we must:

1) Investigate trump extensively. Entirely. Turn him inside-out. And then,

2) Make the findings public. This is where a nation, a government of, by, and for the people in a country ruled by law and not kingdoms or cults, differs from defensive black-mailers or manipulative foreign spies.

This part, making public everything that doesn't actually threaten our national security to reveal, is necessary to harden both our resolve and our democracy, and to peel off whatever of trump's support that we can, and to deter the next trumpian assaults, whether by trump or the people who will try to follow the path trump has scorched into the fabric of our nation.

Public reveals are also a safety measure. There is vast potential for corruption otherwise. But then,

3) Keep every single trump-related criminal prosecution -- legitimate, of course, because we are not trump -- on the table. That is the leverage.

That's how to survive trump. There must be no more talk of how investigating a former *resident will turn us into a "banana republic." In a so-called banana republic, powerful government officials pressure others, either to carry out vendettas, or favors of protection by "looking the other way". Government is bent toward personal exploitations. Been there. Done that these past four years under trump and Republicons.

They have actually installed what can be termed "a deep state," notably for the first time, and sane Americans must know its extant. Fcuk their cries of victimization and oppression of the Right. The only difference is, when we investigate, there are actual violations, crimes, and scandals, with evidentiary proofs; when conservatives investigate, it's fundamentally bullsh*t-and-paranoia based.

A "banana republic" is exactly what we are attempting to rescue our nation from. With all the recognition that the Right has systematically unmoored from truth, and the terrible dangers that threaten as a result, from a stupid civil war born of propaganda, to climate devastation, as much truth as we can discover is what we need.

Knowledge is power. With trump out of the White House, we can get it. We must have it.

[themadlostgirl]

Abandoned (11)

*That took longer than expected. Had to rewrite the beginning like five times cause I hated how it kept turning out. Bleh! But we got it now! Should have the next and final chapter of this mini-fic out soon! Love ya and enjoy!*

~~~

As the years passed I found myself growing even more attached to Neverland. I had called it home for years already but after Peter told me he loved me it felt more permanent. I guess a part of me was always sort of waiting for my father to show up one day and take me away. Worried that he would return and ruin the peace and happiness I had found on Neverland.

He was the last person I had ever loved before he abandoned me. As much as I hated him there would be nights when I’d sit in my hut and his face would come to mind. The sound of his voice singing a lullaby to me that I only half remember. I would sit there simmering in my hatred and feelings of betrayal but down deep in my soul there was a twinge of sadness. Memories that feel more like dreams reminding me that for as angry as I was at him there was a time that I loved him. He was my family. My papa…

But that’s all gone. He left me. Traded me. I have a new family now. I know real love. Unconditional love.

Peter loved me exactly as I was. He never asked me change. He never forced me to do things I didn’t want to do. We had fun together. We told each other everything. He knew my deepest darkest secrets and in turn I was entrusted with his. He held me close and kissed me softly. HIs arms were the safest place I had ever known.

He was patient with me and despite how badly he may have wanted to escalate our intimate relationship he never pressured me. If anything he may have been too cautious but given what he knew of my history I didn’t blame him. I’d rather he be courteous than to just assume he’s okay to take what he wants from me. So when the day came that I knew I was ready I asked him to make love to me. He had been so nervous and I couldn’t help but tease him a bit despite my own nerves. It felt nothing like the first time I had sex. It was so much softer, slower, and all of my partner’s attention was solely on me. It felt like love.

After that first time things got a little intense. We may have made it our mission to christen every inch of the island. Soft and sweet love making in the meadows to hard and rough in caves, there was nothing more we cared about. Peter didn’t even return to camp for an entire week once because we were too wrapped up in one another. His body became as familiar to me as my own.

That isn’t to say that we didn’t drive each other mad either. There were days where I wanted to throw him off a cliff and he wished that I had never set foot in Neverland. For as stubborn as the both of us could be the fights never drove us apart for long. We would come back together and everything would be right with the world until we got annoyed and started another fight.

Through all of it I worried though. From what Peter told me all that time ago, he’s dying. He creeps closer and closer to death and there’s nothing I can do to help him. I ask for details, I ask if there is anyway I can help, and Peter tells me it is not for me to worry about. He assures me he has it all under control. That sentiment loses some of its reassurance when he comes to me shaking and pale as a ghost. It’s always after he visits Skull Rock and looks at the hourglass ticking away his life.

One of these such nights he found me at my camp and held me close for a long while not saying anything. Not that he had to. I just wish there was something I could do to help. I hate seeing him like this.

“My love?” I whispered. Peter sat between my legs with his head resting on my chest and his arms wrapped around me. “You need to tell me if there is some way I can help you.”

Peter sighed. “I told you, my pearl, there is nothing about my situation that you need to worry yourself over. Now be sweet and keep playing with my hair. That is helping immensely.”

“I feel like I should be doing more though,” I carded my fingers through his hair, “I don’t want to just stand idly by while you…” I couldn’t finish the thought. “I want to help you.”

“You already are.” He gazed up at me with those clear green eyes I loved so much, “I don’t need you to fight or search or anything like that. I want you exactly where you are now. I want to know that you are safe here, waiting for me. That is all I need.”

“But--”

“Hush now,” he kissed my palm, “You worry yourself so easily. Things are already in motion. I will be safe and far from death by the end of the week if things go according to plan.”

“What? Why haven’t you said anything before?”

“Because I fear it may stir up painful memories for you. The Truest Believer will be here soon and I have a plan for when he arrives. You are not a part of it and that is how it is going to remain. Do you understand?”

“But I can help!”

“My love, my precious pearl,” Peter smoothed a finger across my bottom lip, “You already are. I want you right here where I know you are safe. Stay here. That is how you will help me.”

“But I could do so much more.”

“I don’t need you to do anything more.” He kissed me gently, “Now please, can you obey me in this one thing? I need you to trust me on this. You do trust me, don’t you, my love?”

“Of course I trust you.” I sighed, defeated, “But you will let me know if you need me to do more, right?”

“Of course,” He laid his head back down.

The night the Truest Believer arrived I didn’t see Peter at all. He told me he would be gone from my side for the majority of the time the Believer was on Neverland. It wasn’t unexpected but the sting of loneliness crept in still.

After the first night without Peter I became restless. Despite Peter’s warning to remain at my camp I decided to take a short stroll through the jungle. There were adults running about somewhere trying to rescue the boy Peter had. It is such a big island though and I know every inch of it. What were the odds that I would run into one of these adults? Still, I strapped my sword to my hip just in case. Adults or not Neverland was still plenty dangerous, especially at night.

I meandered through the jungle with no real destination in mind. Maybe I would go to Peter’s Thinking Tree. It had to be more fun than sitting all alone in my hut back on the beach.

“My young love said to me, ‘My mother won't mind and my father won't slight you for your lack of kind.’ Then she stepped away from me and this she did say, ‘It will not be long love till our wedding day.’” I sang quietly.

“She stepped away from me and she moved through the fair.” A voice from the deepest recesses of my mind answered with a melody as soft as it had been in my dreams. It was not a sound in my head though. It was much too real.

“And fondly I watched her move here and move there.” The foliage parted and in the moonlight appeared a troupe of adults but I only saw the one at the forefront. “Then she made her way homeward with one star awake. As the swan in the evening moves over the lake.”

He took a knee and gazed up at me, “Hello starfish,”

I opened my mouth to say something but nothing came out.

My father...my father was standing right in front of me after gods know how many years and I couldn’t think of a single thing to say. I just stared at him as my mind went through a million emotions at once.

“Hook?” One of his party asked, a blonde woman, “Who are we looking at here?”

“My daughter,” he answered simply, “I told you I had informants in Neverland.”

“You have a kid?” The other adults looked at him in shock. “You never mentioned that you had a daughter before.”

“Yes, well--”

“What are you doing here?” I said, my voice shaky and choked. All eyes swiveled to me once again. I gazed down at my father as all the sorrow and anger I had been harboring for decades started to boil over.

“Darling,” He reached out for me but I jumped back so he couldn’t touch me. He sighed, “Starfish, I know that what happened in the past must have been a shock but I’m here now. I’m back and I desperately need your help. Then all of this can be undone. Things can go back to what they were before.”

How dare he. How dare he come back. How dare he kneel in front of me and ask for my help. Did he not know? Did he not realize what he had done? How could he come back here after decades and pretend like nothing had happened?

He took advantage of my silence to reach for me again. I was still trying to think of what to say or do when he grabbed hold of my hand. “Starfish,” He whispered the nickname like a plea, “I am so happy to see you again. Please, can you help us? We can get you out of here.”

“No...” I pulled my hand from him. Tears sprung to my eyes and there was nothing to do to stop them. “NO!” I screamed, “No! No! No! No! No!”

“Darling, please--”

“You abandoned me!” I wailed, years of pent up anguish spilling out at once, “You left me here! That is not just a shock! That is not something you get to brush aside like it wasn’t a big deal. You traded me away for your freedom and now you have the gall to come back here and ask for my help?”

“It was a lot more complicated than that--”

“No it wasn’t! You had a choice and you chose your freedom over me! Your daughter! You didn’t even try coming back for me!”

“You don’t know that. You don’t know what I endured after I was forced to leave you.”

“Forced? You were not forced. You could have told Peter no when he asked you to trade me. You could have kept me and we could have stayed together. We’d be marooned here but at least we would have been together.” I kicked him in the center of his chest so he went falling backwards. The other adults tensed, weapons aimed but no one made a move to stop me as I towered over him.

“And do not tell me that you endured anything like it was a struggle. I spent months alone on the beaches praying that you would return. I cried myself to sleep and pleaded with the universe to send you back to me. When I was finally given a chance to be reunited with you do you know what I found? I found you in a tavern drinking and having a merry time without me. I wasn’t even a thought in your head!”

“Starfish--”

“I am not your starfish! I am not your daughter! You do not get to call me that after what you did. After what you put me through. You betrayed me! You traded me to our enemy and you didn’t even care!”

“I’m here now though.”

“But not for me.” I swallowed back the lump in my throat. “You knelt before me but it wasn’t with apologies or words of reassurance that you had come to rescue me. No. You returned and asked for my help like you have any right to it. Do not look for me again. Do not talk to me again. I want nothing to do with you.”

“Starfish, please,” He grabbed my arm, “Let me explain.”

“Let go of me!” I tried to pull my arm free.

“Hook, I think you should--” One of the other adults tried to intercede.

“No!” He pulled me closer, “Please, darling, I need you to listen to me. If you just give me the chance to explain then everything will be alright. We’ll get Henry and we’ll leave. You can leave this place and we can be a family again. I know I hurt you but we can still fix this.”

“You are not my family! I want nothing to do with you!” I kicked at him but he held me tighter.

“You don’t mean that.”

“Let go of me!”

“Starfish--”

“PETER!” I screamed. A hand was quickly clamped over my mouth but it was too late. Ominous clouds started to roll in casting the jungle into darkness. One of the adults conjured a ball of fire in her hands, the only source of light as the others strained to see in the dark. I felt a tingle go up my spine and relaxed.

“Get your hands off her.” Peter’s voice growled from the shadows. Father’s grip on me slackened for just a moment and I took the hesitation to rip myself away from him. I could make out Peter’s eyes glinting almost like a cat’s in the darkness and ran for him. He caught me in his arms and smoothed my hair, “Hush now, precious, it’s alright.”

“Pan,” Father barked, “Give me back my daughter!”

“And my son!” One of the women yelled.

“Neither of them are going anywhere. Especially not my Lost Girl.” Peter grinned. His thumb traced over my cheek wiping the tears that had fallen away, “Did the awful man make you cry, my love?”

I nodded. Peter pressed a soft kiss to my forehead.

“Love?” The other man in the group spoke his eyes wide in disbelief. He turned to father, “Your daughter is dating Peter Pan?”

“No…” Father looked horrified as he took in our body language. "My daughter would never--"

"Well she's not your daughter anymore. She ceased to be yours the moment you sent her to me.” Peter held me closer, “And I swear if you try taking her I will gut every last one of you.”

“Remove whatever spell you placed over her!”

“There is no spell. Did you really think that you could leave her here for decades and that she would still be the loyal pirate you had set adrift in a rowboat? I welcomed her to my island as an equal, I made sure she was provided for and looked after. Then in time she welcomed me as her friend and eventually as her lover.” Peter’s smile grew wide with that sadistic edge I loved. “She makes just the cutest noises.”

“You vile bastard!” Father charged at us with his blade drawn and murder in his eyes. The next moment Peter and I were standing on the beach by my hut.

“Was that last comment so necessary?” I asked.

“You can’t blame me wanting to torture him a little after what he did.” Peter chuckled lightly. “But how are you, my love? I told you to stay here. Why did you go wandering?”

“I was bored and lonely so…” I shrugged. My body was still shaking.

Peter sighed and kissed my forehead. “Hush, my love, I can’t imagine what you must have been thinking seeing him again.”

“I said what I wanted to. It doesn’t feel like it’s enough though. I don’t think I can accurately put into words what he made me feel. He could never understand what I endured because of him.” More tears started to slip from my eyes. Peter brushed them away.

“Come back to camp,” He said, “I want to be able to watch over you.”

I nodded, too emotionally exhausted to fight him on this. We drew curious glances when we entered camp. One of the boys I did not recognize and I realized I now had a face to pair with the heart Peter needed. Peter ignored everyone’s whispering and led me to his tent.

“Will you be okay in here?” Peter asked. “If you need me I’ll be right outside.”

“I’m fine.”

“One second,” he left and came back with a canteen and a bowl of food. “In case you get hungry. I also grabbed a couple books from your hut in case you wanted something to do. Do you need anything else?”

“Can you sit here with me for a minute? I just don’t want to be alone right now.”

“Of course, precious,” He sat down next to me and pulled me into his lap. “You��d tell me if you really aren’t doing well, wouldn’t you?”

“I would.” I buried my face in his neck. “Peter, I don’t know what game you are playing with these adults but if I can I want to be a part of it.”

“You already know why I won’t allow that.”

“Peter,” I fisted a hand in his tunic, “If you have the chance, leave Hook alive.”

“Why should I let that worm breathe after what he put you through?” Peter spat, “I should have killed him the second I saw him trying to take you.”

“No. Leave him alive and leave him to me.” Venom started to drip into my voice, “I want to be the one to kill him.”

---

(Previous) (Next)

[professor-catalpa]

Hi there, professor! Could we have some backstory on your team, please? Who did you get first?

Of course! Here's a picture of my closest team-- the descriptions will get a bit long, so I'll put it under a read more for yall. :)

Oh, and to answer your last question, the Pidove was my first-- his name is Scruff, and he's also our park's mascot!

As you can kind of see in this picture, Scruff is missing one of his toes. He was actually adopted by my parents when I was a teenager, after being attacked by a local Purrloin (reminder: never let your Pokemon roam unattended). Being involved with his rehabilitation process is how I found this field in the first place, so I have him to thank for a lot in my life! Even once he had healed up enough to go out on his own again, Scruff never left; eventually, when it was time for me to leave home and go to the academy, he stowed away with me and hasn't left my side since!

Scruff has really grown into his role as our lead outreach Pokemon. When he isn't on my shoulder, he's helping other staff with educational talks, hanging out in our visitor center begging for treats, or keeping an eye on the other Pokemon in the park! He's really a pampered little guy, and loves all the attention he gets.

Coronet, the Electivire, was one of the first residents of Entralink park; she was first attracted by the construction, and has stuck around since then. When she arrived, she was such an anxious little thing-- she'd constantly overproduce electricity and was doing some damage to herself that way. Another professor was kind enough to send us a small batch of miniature Joltik to nestle in her fur and absorb any excess electricity; this doesn't hurt her at all, they're too small, but they help her manage her anxiety. The Joltik helped her calm down a lot, but she was still pretty restless, so we found her a job: she produces all of the power for the park! Compared to her maximum output, even with her Joltik friends, the task is relatively trivial for her, but she enjoys the responsibility. We named her after the mountain in Sinnoh-- I've never been, but I've heard it has some really interesting properties!

Our Pansage, Charles was a rescue. You wouldn't know it now, but her original trainer was horribly neglectful and her head bush was almost entirely wilted when we found her. I was not (and am still not, really) an expert in grass-types, but with a lot of research and help from other professors she really bounced back! During her recovery process she really took a shine to the park-- the wide variety of Pokemon we stable are beyond what she'd ever seen, and she immediately fit in perfectly making friends with just about everyone. She also leaves us trimmings from her bush from time to time to help in the medical facilities!

The Audino was the first Pokemon we brought to the park for a purpose. We knew we'd need a Pokemon to help with the on-site medical facility, and there are serveral breeders in the region that breed Audino for just this purpose! After hatching a brood, the breeder and I worked very closely with the hatchlings to see which would be best suited for our facilities. He taught me a lot that really got me started in training work Pokemon, and I still use a lot of his methods to this day! Once we had our best candidate, we put out a poll to our visitors to name him... and he ended up with the name Burger, haha. That's what we get for putting a custom entry field in! Burger's been a beloved member of our crew ever since, and has even helped us train other medical Pokemon!

King, the Politoed, was part of my first work Pokemon breeding program. I was breeding rescue Poliwrath-- though the more intensive training would take place at a more specialized facility, creating suitable breeding lines and determining aptitude fell to my facilities. Though the program did produce many Poliwrath that went on to become lifeguards, for example, just as many Pokemon ended up following other paths! Such is the way of my work, I suppose. One of those "flunked" students was King, who, even as a Poliwag, was always taking the lead in group exercises, ending up at the center of attention, and trying to help anyone who was falling behind. When the time came to evolve into a Poliwrath he refused; after presenting him with a King's Rock, it was clear what he really wanted to do! All of the other Pokemon from his program ended up in caring homes, but he ended up staying with us, helping handle the stabled and rescued Pokemon at the park!

Finally, most recently, there's our newest team member. With the park expanding, and my scrawny butt not being much help with any of the construction or maintenence, let alone the heavier cleaning tasks, we decided to take in a work-Scolipede trained by a dear friend of mine. We actually haven't settled on a name for her yet, nothing has quite fit so far! I'm a little wary of opening a poll to the public after the Burger incident, but maybe some of you visitors have suggestions? Feel free to let me know any names you think of for her! She's a real powermudsdale, and though she looks stern she's warmed up to the park's resident very quickly, and we hope she decides to stick around for quite some time! :)

All six of these guys stay with me in my personal residence on-site-- we have other Pokemon that come and go, but these are, for now, our permanent residents.

[pocketfulofrogers]

Fallen

Pairing: Steve Rogers x Reader

Summary: After Steve drops the shield, he begins down a path he may have no hope of returning from. 

Notes: I would not be opposed to turning this into a series, but it would be a lil dark and hella angsty.

It's for the best. He tells himself. They’ll forgive me when I’m done. They’ll understand.

Steve repeats this on a loop, a desperate track that tries to soothe the bile that builds in his throat as he types. His heart beats rapidly, each thump against his chest echoing one unified truth: these are lies.

But he needs them to keep moving forward, so that he may forget the look in Natasha’s eyes when he left her in stunned silence on the runway. Her hand gripping her duffle, the humid air thick and sticking her bright hair to her forehead- eyes glistening. Forget the things he said to Tony, full of rage and hurt and everything he hates. Forget Sam and all his pleas, asking for the chance to keep his friend safe.

“Just give it some more time, man.” Sam had begged.  

He had given it time, seventy years of it. Add a few more for doing things the ‘right way’ and all he had to show for it was a demolished building, several civilian casualties, and a smear to his name.

Lost and fresh out of hope, Steve had tossed the shield. Not that it mattered all that much to him anyways, all he saw in the center of that star was a replay of every failure he had ever had. Funny enough, they started and ended with the same person.

Bucky.

See, the general consensus on had been that if the Winter Soldier were to take Steve Rogers, hold him for days and beat him until he broke more than his bones, he would cease this rescue mission he had been hellbent on since the fall of SHIELD.

They were only partially right.

Tony had been the one to find him strung up in an abandoned warehouse barely conscious, his eyes sunken and hollow. His body was a mess of blues and purples. Too terrified to touch him, Steve hung there for an additional twenty minutes before the medical team arrived to pull him down.

It was the first time they’d ever seen Natasha cry.

His heart stopped twice in the time it took them to reach the compound and Banner didn’t upgrade him from critical condition until three weeks later. He didn’t open his eyes for another two.

When he eventually emerged from the critical care wing, he was different. “It’s to be expected.” They drone out. Sure, but not like this. He was dark. Twisted and bent and no longer the captain they remembered.

Three cadets had filed complaints by the end of the month, citing a range of problematic offenses. It didn’t take Natasha very long to convince Fury to let them slip through the cracks if Steve would agree to move to another area.

Despite it all, he seemed more focused than before. He swears up and down that if there’s only one good thing he does with his life on this god forsaken planet, it will be saving his friend.

With that thought, Steve presses send and seals a deal with the devil.

**

You’re leaned back in the metal of a chair, appreciating the cool contrast to the hot sun filtering down. A single, freshly manicured nail traces the lattice pattern of the tabletop absentmindedly while you glance over the café menu.

“A little warm today, isn’t it?” A man asks from behind you.

You turn your head to the side, unable to see him still. “I quite like the warm.” You answer back.

He slips his way behind you and into the chair before you. Something about him feels familiar and it sets you on edge enough that the pistol on your thigh beneath your black dress feels a little heavier.

The stranger has a ballcap worn low, obnoxiously covered in anything that could possibly scream ‘I’m a tourist’.

You lean forward. “I said you needed to blend in not announce yourself as an easy target for every pick pocket in the state.”  

“I can’t risk being made, and it’s worked before.”

Sliding your sunglasses down the bridge of your nose, you eye him. Not a single discernable feature about him yet something felt very off. “Who are you?”

He shakes his head. “That’s not what I’m here for.”

You smile coly as you nudge his knee with the muzzle of your gun, and he tenses. “Not an optional question.” It isn’t until he’s raised the bill of the cap up just enough for you to see the bright, clear blue of his eyes that it finally clicks. “Absolutely not.” You announce as you stand.

His hand darts out to grab your arm. “Please, just hear me out.”

You stare daggers at his hand until he pulls it away. “Captain, have you suddenly forgotten what side you’re on?”

“I don’t know if you’ve seen the news lately but it doesn’t seem like anyone’s on my side.”

You purse your lips. “Do you know who I am?” His eyes fall flat and you shake your head. “My answer still stands. I’ve been at this too long to bring in a maybe ex Avenger that could blow the whole plan.”

“I need the money.”

“Ask Stark, he’s got plenty of it.” Steve averts his eyes at the comment and shoves his hands into his pockets. Maybe he wasn’t kidding. “What do you need it for?”

“A friend.”

Your laugh drips sarcasm. “Are you going to offer up any useful information or am I going to have to blow your poor attempt at a cover and slip out? There’re some big names looking for you, Steve, especially if you’re all on your lonesome now. Watching the mercs and the US government fight for first dibs sounds fairly intriguing.”

His eyes snap back to meet yours. “And then I bring you down with me.”

You lean forward again. “I wonder if you’d live long enough?” You ponder for a moment with a sinister smirk. “I am not an enemy you want to add to your growing list.” You grab your bag and stand up. “Good luck in whatever it is you’re doing.”

“I’m trying to buy the freedom of a friend.” He says quickly just as you’ve turned your back and you pause. “Hydra set a high price.”

With that, you sit back down. “You’ve piqued my interest, go on.”

He rolls his bottom lip between his teeth and leans forward. “He doesn’t know what he’s doing, he barely even knows who he is.”

“The Winter Soldier?” You ask and he nods.

“I knew him a long time ago, thought he died. He saved my life more times than I can count, so I’m trying to do the same.”

You dart your tongue out to wet your lips. “Very noble, but this is not the place for you.” Steve moves to interrupt, but you hold out a finger. “We are not noble, we’re barely even reasonable. If it’s money you need, go rob a bank. There’d be less blood on your hands.”

“It wouldn’t be enough. I don’t care what I need to do, I’ll do it.”

“Story checks out, boss.” You pause to listen to the man who’d been feeding you tidbits of information on the other side of your earpiece. “Chatter says he’s cut ties with the Avengers permanently. There was some kind of falling out with Stark.”

Looking back to Steve, you watch him for a few moments. “You’re about to cross a line you can’t come back from.”

“I’ve already crossed it.”

[pegasister60]

I would like to make it clear that, though the main part of the pirate!Purpled AU is about exploration and healing and moving on, there is still plenty of angst to be had.

It just lies in the sideplot that revolves around Tubbo’s disappearance.

You see, the option to escape his problems and become a pirate was presented to Tubbo as a spur of the moment thing.

Purpled wasn’t even gonna sail near L’Manberg, but he was still new to his ship and the wind insisted on blowing towards it. It was only when he saw Tubbo dressed in his Presidential uniform and looking miserable on the docks that he made his choice.

Purpled took off his black coat and held it out to Tubbo. Dogchamp and his other dog were whining and pleading for Tubbo to come with from where they stood behind their owner. It couldn’t have been an easier decision.

The thing is, Tubbo never told anyone he was leaving.

Part of it was him not wanting his cabinet to give him flack for leaving. The other part was that it simply didn’t occur to him that he would be missed as he tore off his tie and dropped his own blue coat to the dock.

Purpled’s coat was big on him, but he pulled it close as he climbed the rope ladder aboard the ship.

—

The first person to notice that Tubbo was gone was Dream.

He didn’t connect it to Purpled’s disappearance because Purpled’s been known to drop off the map for months at a time. Sometimes to return to Hypixel, sometimes he’s just holed up in a deep, hidden part of his base working on something. It was normal.

But he found Tubbo’s uniform on the docks and assumed, rightfully, that the kid had bolted.

He did not even remotely hesitate before using that to his advantage. He tore up the clothes and even ran his sword through them a few times for good measure, then dropped the scraps right outside the nation’s borders.

A few bold statements here and there led everyone to believe that Dream had taken Tubbo and locked him up in his prison. The only one who knew otherwise was Awesamdude himself, who was sworn to secrecy by Dream.

Predictably, Tommy came rushing in for a daring rescue with Technoblade right behind him. They made their way through the prison’s surprisingly underwhelming defenses. With all the talk Dream had been spouting, they expected more resistance.

Techno’s voices got more worried and unsettled the deeper they got.

When they finally made it to the center cell, they found it empty. No Tubbo in sight.

Dream made his dramatic entrance at that moment and threw a harming II pot at them. Tommy was on the ground, paralyzed by the pain and clearly unable to take another one. Techno stood in full netherite in front of him, less damaged but still in pain, and tried to protect Tommy.

Dream said that if Tommy wanted to keep his last life then he’d need to set his spawn in the bed they wouldn’t be able to reach in a moment.

Tommy knows he’s been had, but he has hope in the Blade.

Up until Dream calls in his favor.

“I’ve been sitting on it for a while now, and I think it’s finally time I invoke that life debt you owe me.”

Techno fears the worst. Would Dream ask him to force Tommy to comply? Would he make him set his own spawn and trap them both?

It ended up being so much worse.

“I want you to work as a guard for this prison and follow all the rules that entails until I say you can quit. That means allowing no one but fellow guards and myself to enter the prison without my permission. That means keeping any prisoners from escaping through all means up to and including lethal force. That means hunting down and returning escaped prisoners to their cells. That means following any orders I, the warden, give you related to the prison and your patrols. That means being courteous to your fellow guards and your superior officers. That means not rebelling against your superior officer.”

With every rule Dream lays down, Tommy can feel something like a noose closing around his neck. He sets his spawn, knowing Techno would be forced to make him if he didn’t.

Before Dream leaves the room, he turns and offers these last words.

“You claimed that Tommy was Theseus. Well, this makes you the Minotaur, roaming the labyrinth I designed to hold you! Now that you’re both nice and settled, I’ll turn the real defenses back on.”

And then he’s gone.

But Dream’s not done.

With Tubbo gone and Tommy imprisoned, Quackity becomes the President of L’Manberg through succession.

They can’t move forwards with the festival idea without Tubbo, so they decide to be less subtle about it and just declare war on Dream.

Which gives Dream all the grounds he needs to crush L’Manberg into nothing. Permanently, this time.

—

This is all the fucking B-plot of this AU btw.

The A-plot has been and always will be pirate adventures.

[ffxvficrec]

GladNoct Big Bang Round Up

General Rating

You can also check out the collection here:

https://archiveofourown.org/collections/GladnoctBB2021/works

We’ve listed the archive warnings and ratings, but please remember to mind the tags!

I'll Catch You by kickcows

Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings

Mature Rating

Noctis Caelum, the famous movie actor, has been injured due to a bad car accident, and the one to help on the road to recovery is a physical therapist by the name of Gladio Amicitia.

Sands of Destiny by countingpaperstars

No Archive Warnings Apply

Explicit Rating

After leading an attack on the holy city of Insomnia, Prince Gladio, adopted son of Tenebrae's queen, acquires a dagger that gives the one who holds it access to the Sands of Time. Gladio ends up on the run with Insomnian Prince Noctis after being accused of killing Queen Sylva. They must learn to trust each other in order to protect the ancient treasure from dark forces and unmask his mother's assassin, or fall into ruin along with the fate of their world.

The Deep Dive by Noctislucent (Baekhanded)

No Archive Warnings Apply

Teen Rating

Gladio is a researcher, a historian 'obsessed' with finding the lost city of Altissia. He sets off on the journey of a lifetime to find the city with a team unmatched by any.

He finds so much more than he bargained for

chasing honey by ignisgayentia

No Archive Warnings Apply

Explicit

After an assassin threatens Prince Noctis’s life just before his journey to Altissia to deliver an important address, King Regis hires outside protection, the trusted Amicitia Guard, to escort Noctis to Altissia alone. When Noctis first meets his assigned guard, Gladiolus Amicitia, tensions between them are high, but along their journey, things slowly start to change. After dealing with attempts on their life, daemons, a broken down car, and crappy hotel rooms, they learn more about each other and their destinies than they ever expected to. How will Noctis deal with the conflicting feelings he has for his bodyguard?

Thy Kiss Art Broken Glass on Mine Lips by BumuBokkusu

No Archive Warnings Apply

General Rating

A Greek Gods/Mythology AU where Regis is lamenting to the gods over his people who are sick and dying from the mysterious Starscourge disease that is plaguing the kingdom. The gods hear the King's plea and offer him a bargain. Because they want to test this King’s heart, they offer him a deal: they will heal his people of the scourge if he sacrifices his only son. After much consideration and heartbreak, Regis decides to give up his own son for the sake of his people. The gods place a curse upon Noctis, one that will last throughout the rest of his life. It is a curse that slowly turns the boy into cold, crystalline, shimmering glass until the day he becomes completely petrified - a melancholy statue. Gladiolus, a farmhand that has fallen in love with Noctis, embarks on a quest to rid the prince of his cruel fate, even if it means denying the gods themselves.

Highway Tune by EzraTheBlue

No Archive Warnings Apply

Explicit Rating

Gladiolus Amicitia lives a quiet, unassuming life as a long haul truck driver, when he picks up a quiet, sullen young man hitchhiking along the highway. Gladio soon realizes that his passenger is hiding a few secrets: primarily, that he’s Prince Noctis Lucis Caelum, run away from home on the eve of his father overseeing the signing of a peace treaty that will end a fifty-year war. Secondarily: he’s being chased by an assassin who wants him dead for reasons unknown, but he’s unrelenting and his grudge is very, very personal. Gladio can’t ignore someone in trouble and agrees to get Noctis back to Insomnia safely, even though Noctis’ attitude and their pursuer won’t make things easy. The road home is treacherous - will Gladio and Noctis make it safely, or will their assailant prove an insurmountable roadblock? Or… will their own conflicted emotions get in the way?

Caught in a Storm by Mangoesaregood8

No Archive Warnings Apply

Explicit Rating

An early morning training session is interrupted by a sudden incoming storm. With the battery dead in the Regalia, Gladio and Noctis are forced to weather out the storm in the cave. However Noctis got soaked, so Gladio devises a few creative ideas to help the prince keep warm as they wait to be rescued.

Vide Cor Meum by HeartlessAngel

Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings

Mature Rating

M.E. 744: a terrorist faction opens the West Gate, overriding security protocols overseen by the Crown’s Shield and Captain of the Crownsguard, Clarus Amicitia. Hundreds of Galahdian refugees pour into Insomnia, much aware that they will not be received with open arms. They are helped into unmarked vans and cars to be driven and released into anonymity in the slums in a coordinated mission orchestrated by the terrorist faction’s leader: Izdihar Abadi, wife of Clarus Amicitia, Gladio and Iris’ mother.

Far from everyone manage to escape into the night. The Crownsguard arrives with haste to neutralize the threat and close the West Gate. It’s a massacre that would have gone unrecorded had Gladiolus Amicitia not been found beside his mother’s body, clutching the Master Key to the Wall’s Gates.

Clarus rushes Gladio to the Citadel where he makes a covenant with Crown Prince Noctis, five years overdue, to assure the Amicitias’ place in the Lucian Court. And so begins Gladio’s life as the Shield of the future King, shrouded in suspicion, hurt, and unattainable wants.

Besmirched by hesp

No Archive Warnings Apply

Teen Rating

The stories say that it was once wielded by a king of old to turn the tide of a great battle. That it could fell dragons with a single sweep of its blade that shone like daybreak. That it could rally the hearts of men, even when all hope had been lost. While the name of the king and the place of the battle have been forgotten, the storied Sword of Light is the last hope of Noctis Lucis Caelum, heir apparent to the crown of Insomnia. With few clues and less time, he is smuggled out of his childhood home as a centuries-old plot descends upon the city. Outside of its protective walls, Noctis meets Gladiolus, a man whom fate had tied to Noctis long before their paths crossed in the wilds of Lucis. The two agree to journey together in search of an object that may not exist on a quest that may be doomed in hopes of restoring that which may be lost forever.

Working apart but in tandem, Ignis Scientia, trusted adviser and friend of Noctis, remains in Insomnia to search for clues about the Sword of Light and ways to aid Noctis in his quest. Ignis is joined by Prompto Argentum, a commoner and unlikely friend of Noctis, whose own abilities may be the difference in attaining their impossible goal.

Gravity by HardNoctLife

No Archive Warnings Apply

Explicit Rating

Noctis Lucis Caelum is celebrity royalty with a secret, Insomnia's Prince of Pop-Rock searching for love in all the wrong places.

Gladio Amicitia is a wayward son, returning to Insomnia after wandering the Lucian countryside for five years, looking for a steady income and a good time.

When their worlds collide after a one-night-stand, it sets them up to learn the hard way that it's okay to fall for someone you can't have—so long as you don't hit the ground.

The Curse of Eternal Sleep by The_PrincessCat

No Archive Warnings Apply

General Rating

When the child of King Regis and Queen Aulea Lucis Caelum is born, a grand Unveiling Celebration is held and all of the kingdom is invited. Everyone is present, except for Ardyn the Sorcerer. The Three fairy siblings Nyx, Libertus and Crowe bestow gifts upon the young infant. However, after both Crowe and Libertus grant their gifts, a puff of ruddy smoke appears in the center of the celebration and Ardyn appears in the midst.

He curses young Noctis to prick his thumb on the end of a fishing lure on his 18th birthday and die. All this because they refused to invite him to their party. In a self satisfied gesture, Ardyn disappears the way he came.

King Regis hides away his son, unwilling to let his only son face this fate. During the years that lead up to Noctis's eighteenth birthday, Noctis begins to fall in love with a boy from another kingdom. Unbeknownst to them both, it is both Noctis's downfall and tragedy.

When Noctis fall into his thousand years slumber, Gladiolus Amicitia springs into action to journey to the end of Eos and will fight a dragon for True Loves First Kiss.

Bloom by Crazyloststar

Graphic Depictions Of Violence

Mature Rating

Ancient texts suggest the Shields of Kings were so devoted to their charge, they sprouted flowers from their very skin. Over time something changed; the power of the crystal, their devotion, or something else unknown. This idea became stories told to elevate the dedication of those who took up the position of Shield to the royal family.

Either way, the Shields of today now honor their ancestors and their duty by covering their bodies with flowers permanently with ink.

But the stories of old are more than fairy tales.

A Silver Compass by katerleegrand

Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings

No Archive Warnings Apply

Noctis is alone, simple as that. No one to turn to. No one to call a friend. High school has been rough for him already, and most days he wishes he could just disappear off the face of the planet.

But when a new student joins Noctis's class, he manages to change Noctis's life around completely. All Noctis has to do is give him a chance.

[feather-dancer]

Tales of Arcadia Fanfic Recommendations - Part 4

Are you thinking perhaps, wow I never expected a fourth fanfic recc list so soon? Because if you do I feel exactly the same way! I thought I’d have some more of my own writing out by the time it happened and yet even before Wizards I was building up a good list of reading then the release just set off a flood of ‘em I’ve been duly binging and hoarding. Because of how long this post is getting I’m at the point of wanting it out my drafts and in the wilds before it begins to grow legs.

As when I posted the third list, I suspect within 48 hours I’ll find a new fic and I’ll need to start drafting a fifth one thus the cycle continues...

You can find Part 1 of my fanfic recommendations here!

And Part 2 here!

Part 3 is here!

Plus one shameless plug for my own current fics because I can.

General Trollhunters

Hold My Hand in The Dark - Jim may have escaped the Darklands but even now it still has it’s claws in him.

To Say Nothing of the Dog - A Steli fic that’s very cute. Sometimes trolls aren’t the strangest thing you find out in the woods of Arcadia.

say that you'll stay awake for me - Another Steli fic where they’re both completely useless but it’s full of fluff anyway.

Candy canes and Sugar plums - Two very sweet Christmas themed one shots. In one Not!Enrique has to get ready for a photography session and another Jim as a half-troll gets mistaken for Krampus by a pair of kids.

Despondent Contemplations - Back in the old library that was once their home in Heartstone Trollmarket, Blinky and AARRRGGHH reminisce about old times. Contains minor spoilers for Wizards but not enough to remove from this section.

The Indecency of Courage - The thoughts of Kanjigar during his final battle.

Brotherhood - It’s hard to love a sibling who betrayed then later attempted to kill you and in return you permanently blinded but with some relationships it’s worth seeing if it’s still possible to mend.

In Our Times To Come - Jilaire, trauma comes in many shapes and forms but as long as you have the right people around you perhaps you can work your way through them together.

General Wizards - Skip this section if you wish to avoid spoilers

The City Never Sleeps - Douxie, Archie and Nari are now on the run trying desperately to keep off the radar in their new home of New York City but the flights of fancy of the old traveling days meet a whole new reality where things are a lot more expensive. For his new family though, this wizard willingly burns himself out over and over to keep them safe.

Home Away From Home -The sequel oneshot to the above and the struggle continues. Nari's attempts to figure out her place after a month of adjustment while Douxie seems to have lost all concept of things called plates.

a rescue from the weight you've carried - The ending these kids DESERVE.

Eyes Like Hope, a Smile Like Mercy, a Voice Like Justice - Without even realising it, Jim offered so much to the trolls of the past just by the virtue of being Jim.

Another Mistake - It’s not easy to revisit your past but in Douxie’s case he is offered a unique chance to see his younger self and the humbler roots he once came from.

Strings - Zouxie and oh GOD is this adorable and fluffy and I love it very much.

Waiting for Dawn - It’s over isn’t it? But Jim’s journey isn’t, not quite yet. His next task involves stumbling back home with the help of his friends and family and figure out the immediately of the after.

Center Stage - Douxie’s relationship with Merlin might have been incredibly complicated but it does not make the grief any easier to bear.

i've got to find my soul all before i sleep - Jim has been given a second chance at life and as a human at that but the niggling feeling of his old (New?) skin not quite fitting right anymore.

Stricklake

A Little Bit Pear-Shaped - Even when you think you haven’t taken your eye off the ball you find out maybe you might have and, well, then the title happens.

it's a lovely day in stricklake month - And Dreamcrow is once more coming up with the goods for us all to enjoy. The 6th chapter is nsfw as forewarning.

Dropout - Jim was human, once, then in the course of mere days he was transformed into a half-troll, fought to save the world and then forced to leave home and family behind as a reward for surviving. It’s no wonder that when given the chance to finally breathe again Barbara struggles with what has and what will be.

K.O. - The end result of Strickler’s terrible not so fun day results in a hospital visit but at least the upside involves the fact Barbara is there.

Alternate Universe

The Unwelcome Guest Do you remember Sam from the wonderful Whispers Within aka the Gay Uhl with a monster boyfriend fic? Well here he is a bit earlier than that still causing chaos but this time via trying to be ever so helpful towards a certain avocado coloured changeling who would sincerely like this to stop happening. Please.

left-hand florilegium - Even the great Walter (Stricklander) Strickler was a youngling, once, but no road a changeling may travel was designed to be anything other than a constant test to prove your worthiness in survival to gain a place in a brand new world.

Both Sides of the Sky - Jilaire with a historical regency twist and an arranged marriage that forces Jim into Claire’s path. On the surface he appears extremely nervous of something (Or more specifically someone) and she’s had quite enough of suitors making for a poor match. However, a simple act of kindness can bring with it an awful lot of shadows you might well have better off staying oblivious to.

A Foundation of Fluff - I never knew a ship of Barbara, Strickler and Draal could be so adorable and?? Yet?? The spite ship train is glorious. A foundation of fluff is a very apt description.

Broken Mirror - You might think this is another Unbecoming take but you’ll be surprised. During an argument with Merlin over his general treatment of others after the great move to New Jersey, Jim is flung elsewhere to wake up on the fabled day he found the amulet and very much human again. Not wanting to mess things up this time he goes to rescue Kanjigar before he is felled but nothing goes as expected.

Bitter Sixteen - The stalkling was set on Jim and in a lightning storm he was carried away but what if Toby never got that call to come to his rescue?

The World Ended Yesterday - The events of Unbecoming seem so long ago now yet here something went very wrong during the attempt to return to the future causing Jim to be lost to not only time but the very world he came from. Seemingly within another reset, he is not going to bury his head in the sand but equally the half-troll is determined to spare this world’s self future tragedy.

What the Night Brings - There are trolls in Arcadia, hidden underground and planning payback for having the surface lands stolen from them centuries ago. While there is contention in the ranks nobody dares say no to Gunmar the Skullcrusher and there is no Trollhunter to protect the dissents. Jim unwittingly witnesses what he should not and now carries the scars and no longer does he remain a human when the dusk comes, instead he is now some form of were-troll. What’s worse, he’s having to face this whole confusing mess alone.

Claire The Courageous - In a different universe Claire became the Trollhunter instead of Jim and Steve of all people ends up being the one dragged into the world of trolls with her. That however does not mean that Jim isn’t still involved in her journey in some way...

[skullsandwineglasses]

Awu - A coping character

Like a lot of people, my immediate reaction after watching episodes 59-63 was dissatisfaction and frustration. It seemed like Awu was a passive character. I still think she is passive, but that’s not necessarily a flaw or something that we should fault her about. This is going to be a helluva long post, but let me try to explain. 

Awu is what you would call a “coping” character. She copes with obstacles thrown at her. She reacts to the machinations that blow up around her. She doesn’t really strive for things, except for probably general happiness. In the trailers, you hear her say in the voiceover, “I just want to be with the one I love”. Awu is a romantic. We saw this when she was young and crushing on Zi Tan and how she begged the emperor to grant her the wish of marrying for love. When she is a married woman, we see her wanting to start a family with Xiao Qi. We see her actively seek out ways to boost her health so that she can bear a child. Her ultimate goal is to find true love and have a family. 

In a way, she reminds me of the Mandalorian. There’s a meme that says that even though the Mandalorian is the main character that the audience follows, in the grand scheme of things, the Mandalorian is actually just a side character among a group of main characters. The Mandalorian doesn’t strive for much. He just wants to be a Space Dad (TM) to Baby Yoda and to find a jedi to train his adopted child, and he has absolutely no interest in the politics in the galaxy. But, he’s always unwillingly thrust into politically-charged situations by these “main” characters around him who have their own political missions. 

As a princess, Awu is the center of attention. Everyone dotes on her. But she isn’t a key player in the palace politics at all. She has no desire to be apart of it, even though everyone tries to pull her into it: Daddy Wang trying to force her into an military-advantageous marriage, her Empress aunt trying to get her to marry her son the crown prince, and then her Emperor uncle using her to help protect his will. Everyone has their own political agenda that each would have long-lasting consequences to the empire, but all Awu wants is to live happily ever after with the person she loves. This goal of hers never changes throughout the drama, which I admire. Even up to episode 63, she’s asking Xiao Qi to let go of vengeance and leave the capital with her to go live up north like they’ve always dreamed and planned together. While I don’t really agree with her asking XQ to give up vengeance, I completely understand why she asks him. 

Among a cast of characters who are constantly planning and scheming, even Xiao Qi now with his drive for justice and vengeance, it almost feels like Awu doesn’t belong, and I think this difference between her and the people around her is why it can seem frustrating to some viewers. We project our emotions onto her and expect her to react as we would. We expect her to act like how we think we would act in that situation. But Awu has always been different from the people around her. I don’t think she’s ever really been in-sync with any character expect maybe for her mom, her maids (Jin’er doesn’t count), and Xiao Qi. So now that her and XQ are slightly out of sync in terms of their attitudes, we’re feeling a little on edge. 

I think many would agree that Awu is a smart character, but she doesn’t scheme. And again, that’s because she’s a simple young woman, so we can’t expect her to scheme since she’s never had to. She’s never had to scheme to survive. Even when her whole family schemes, they always think about sparring her because of how much they loved her in the past. People complain about her being the last one to find out about things, but that’s because she doesn’t really involve herself in matters outside the house. She always thinks the best of people and so she never suspects them. She’s saintly to a fault. In a way, Awu is a very idealistic character, but also a resilient one since she’s able to remain true to her original nature even after witnessing the worst of her family. I admit, this was a little hard to buy at first, which was why I was frustrated with her, and her character isn’t everyone’s cup of tea because it’s a really Mary Sue kind of character, but after having cooled down these past few days, I’ve learned to respect her. With all the cunning and ruthless female leads recently, it’s nice to see a female lead who stays true to herself even after facing adversity, instead of becoming hardened and jaded and cynical. I feel like we hate on these kinds of FLs too much, kind of like how everyone hated Bella from Twilight back in 2010. I secretly really liked Bella and related to her when I was a teen, but I boarded on the hate-bandwagon because everyone else hated her. 

BUT, I think what’s causing all the backlash is what people expected Awu to become based on how she was set up from the beginning. It almost feels like the writers couldn’t decide if they want her to be brash and rebellious, or loyal and true to the times. So we end up with a confusing combination of both, and different viewers end up having different expectations of what they want her character to be, hence all the disagreements about how to interpret her actions and decisions.

At the beginning, we’re introduced to a sheltered, loved, and carefree young woman of noble blood. Awu is then forced to marry a man she hardly knows, her lover won’t elope with her, and her husband leaves her on her wedding night. This is her first major turning point, and we see an immediate change in her. She matures overnight. She seems to have lost her carefree innocence. She isn’t as bubbly as before. 

Because we see this major change in her character so early on in the drama, this is what we expect to continue moving forward for her character, and that she’s going to keep being molded in this way by life-changing events.

She’s then captured by Helan Zhen and has to try to survive, and she does this very well when you consider her sheltered and noble upbringing. In fact, a lot of the things that Awu does in the drama are out of line with her upbringing. She supports the Emperor’s decision to grant XQ, a peasant-born general, the ranking of a prince. She is able to adapt to the rough lifestyle in Ning Shuo. She’s able to whistle like a bandit, much to Xiao Qi’s surprise. And when you think about it, you begin to wonder, where did Awu learn to whistle and ride a horse like that? Who snuck her out of the prime minister’s manor in order to teach her these things? I doubt it was her brother or the princes, considering how useless and misogynistic they are. Her grandmother taught her politics and the arts, which helped her become worldly and cultured, but she didn’t teach Awu what a peasant’s lifestyle is like. So it’s actually a huge surprise that the spoiled daughter of a princess is able to fall in love with a low-born general and feel safe and at ease with him so quickly and easily. We’re briefly told that Awu likes selfless heroes, and so that’s our explanation for why she was able to fall for Xiao Qi. But to me, I think her falling in love with Xiao Qi is another example of how Awu is able to cope with the circumstances. 

When Xiao Qi rescues her and takes her back to Ning Shuo, she’s resistant towards him. She seems defeated. Lifeless. We think her time in captivity with Helan has induced another permanent change in her. When Xiao Qi opens the window to let some fresh air in, she calls hims “cu lu” ( 粗鲁), which means rough. It’s something you say when you insult someone for being inelegant, thoughtless, and rude. She scorns the women’s taste of clothing in Ning Shuo, and is surprised when she learns that XQ, along with the rest of the army, only showers once a month because of the lack of hot water. 

BUT, what begins to change Awu’s mind so quickly is seeing how righteous and devoted Xiao Qi is. She sees him as a good marriage partner. Her situation could have been a lot worse. After all, after seeing how unhappy her mother, the Empress, and Wanru were in their marriages, Awu expected a similar situation with her own arranged marriage. But instead, she quickly realizes what a lucky hand she’s been dealt, so she accepts XQ and lets herself fall for him. She doesn’t really have a choice anyway, so she embraces it. I especially love the scene during the siege when she tells Zi Tan that she fell in love with Xiao Qi because of his heroism and his selflessness towards the empire, while she now looks down on Zi Tan. If only Xiao Qi were there to hear her confess her love to him so vehemently. 

In Ning Shuo, we see Awu begin to soften towards Xiao Qi. She becomes her old carefree self again around him. THIS is something that deviates from most coming-of-age stories that feature a female lead who is irreversibly changed by a traumatic life event. Awu returning to her normal, positive self instead of being jaded foreshadows how her character will behave for the rest of the drama. Yes, Awu doesn’t “grow” like other female characters, but she stays consistent and optimistic, which is a virtue in itself because it reflects her resilience. 

When Awu is separated from Xiao Qi and has to protect a city against a siege by her uncle, we see her rise up to the challenge on her own. We see her command an army. We see her stand up to Zi Tan. She shows potential of becoming a “rebel princess”, which again raises our expectations that she’ll become more involved in politics. But at the same time, she’s still a young woman who likes to cuddle with her husband and be doted on by him when he returns. This is the Awu that we’ve known from the beginning. She’s used to be doted on by people who love her. What we have to remember from this siege arc is that while Awu showed great leadership skills, this is not who she wants to be. She CAN be this person, but she doesn’t want to be. The drama subtly reminds us of this when Xiao Qi comes back and she melts into his arms. 

This aspect of her character is echoed again in episode 36 when she and Xiao Qi are cuddling in their signature corner of the manor. She says that she doesn’t seem to have to worry about anything when he’s around. XQ teases her about what she would do while he’s gone at war. She tells him that she can face anything on her own when he’s not there, but when he is here, all she wants to do is rely on him. 

We tend to forget that Awu likes to be doted on (e.g., remember all those moments throughout the beginning of the drama where she likes to lie in people’s laps. See this post.) This was how she grew up. Loved and spoiled. But Awu CAN be strong. She’s perfectly capable of being strong. That’s why the Emperor trusted her with his will. That’s why Wanru and Zilong trusted her with their child aka the future of the empire. But, she doesn’t want to be this person who has suddenly become the pillar of the empire. She wants to live a simple life. That’s why she sounds so somber when she talks to Nanny Xu about the meaning behind “Mu Yi Tian Xia”, and her duty as the wife of a general and the descendant of royals to unite the commoners with the blue bloods. It’s a tall order, but she’s willing to take on that responsibility for the good of the empire. Again, this shows that Awu is a reactionary character who copes with turmoil that comes at her, but that’s because she’s taking on goals that she didn’t want or ask for in the first place. She has an entirely different set of goals. She dreams of living out another story. But instead, she’s born into this one. 

After the siege, Awu’s next major turning points involve her family, and I think this is where it becomes divisive. She finds out about her Emperor Uncle having tried to have her and XQ killed, her cousin trying to steal the throne, her Empress Aunt trying to burn the Emperor’s will, her father trying to stage a coup, her mother killing herself as a result, and her having a miscarriage. In the end, she forgives everyone even after having seen the worst of them. Even after realizing that they’d sacrifice her for power. This is all understandable, even if saintly of her. These are the people who raised her, so I get why she would forgive them. Awu values family (to a fault). It’s not in her nature to abandon family, especially given how close she is to them. They helped shaped who she grew up to be. She lived a happy childhood with them. She’s never known abuse. Heck, even when they betray her, like the Emperor, they apologize to her soon after. Everyone seems to want to appease her. Even the Empress after all she’s done. Can you blame Awu for not having it in her to hate people? As rotten as her family is, they always try to spare her, and they only target her as a reluctant, last resort (even though they all want her husband killed though. It’s weird how they justify loving her, but still think it’s okay to kill her husband). 

Awu does make some questionable decisions and judgments though, and I feel like she thinks of Xiao Qi too idealistically and takes him for granted, which can sometimes be unfair to him. 

Case 1 is when she goes out of her way to help Qian’er and meets with Helan Zhen in secret and then dances with him. Like what many people have said, they feel angry that she danced with HZ before her own husband. And when Xiao Qi expresses anger and concern over her meeting with HZ, she insults him by saying he lacks a sense of familial duty since she doesn’t have a proper family or clan. This was a low-blow, but I excused it since it was in the heat of the moment. 

Case 2 is the aphrodisiac incident. I think this is when Awu realizes that she hasn’t been considerate enough of Xiao Qi. When she learns that Xiao Qi was the victim in the situation, she immediately defended him and cast out Qian’er. However, up until this point, Awu has always taken Qian’er’s side against him. There’s no doubt that Awu loves and appreciates Xiao Qi, but it sometimes feels like she forgets how much he does for her and how tolerant he is of her family. Xiao Qi, an undefeated general and god of war, is nearly assaulted at the hands of his wife’s cousin because his wife has a big heart and let the predator into the house. Awu has always seen Xiao Qi has invincible, but this was the moment when she realizes that he can be broken, and she can be the cause of it. 

Case 3 is what everyone’s been talking about recently, which is how she is reacting to Xiao Qi’s rage towards his betrayed fallen soldiers. While I understand that Awu is stuck in the middle, it also feels like she’s prioritizing her family over his feelings. She knows that Xiao Qi is angry, and yet she asks him to leave with her. She has the expectation that he will listen to her. She’s (quietly) making him choose between her and his army, which is unfair, even if she’s doing it for his own good. Do I agree with what she’s doing? Not really. But do I sympathize with her motivations? Yes. It’s taken me a couple of days, but I think I now understand. 

Xiao Qi definitely has flaws too (e.g., the contraceptive fiasco). They both keep secrets from each other and try to make decisions for each other. Two sides of the same coin. Ugh, these two frustrate me so much, but I still love them so much. 

Overall, people are expecting Awu to be one type of character, but they ignore how the drama’s been characterizing her. We can agree or disagree with her character’s development, but when you break it down, Awu’s character makes sense and is actually quite consistent, which is surprising for a 68-episode drama. Usually characters take a 180-degree turn after being drawn out for so long, but Awu has stayed true, for better or for worse. Do I still get frustrated at her sometimes? Of course. But, I can sympathize with her. 

Rant over. 

[greatqueenanna]

Why Kristoff is a great partner and character.

There are many great male characters in the Disney canon. The Valiant, Pungent, Reindeer King Kristoff Bjogrman, stands among them as one of the best. Kristoff has something special about him that I feel goes unnoticed by many people, simply because Kristoff is a tri-tagonist in the Frozen Franchise. However, I’m here to tell you that there are things about Kristoff that truly make him shine regardless of his smaller role in the overall story. The franchise was never focused on romantic love, but within Kristoff we see a character that exemplifies what a good romantic partner should be like.

Another long one guys, so under the read more we go!

I’ve seen a few posts try and say that Kristoff’s relationship with Anna is unhealthy. However, I want to offer some viewpoints on why I feel this in not the case. According to the Hall Health Center, A healthy relationship is when two people develop a connection based on:

Mutual Respect/Honesty

Playfulness/Fondness

Trust/Support

Separate Identities

Good Communication

Kristoff is able to show all of this to Anna; while not all at once and at the very moment they meet, he does develop these skills and qualities as his and Anna’s relationship flourishes. It is also stated that all of these things take work, and is not something that just happens immediately, and that is ok. Most of these qualities Kristoff is able to show when we first meet him as adult, while others he develops over time with trial and error. As with Anna and Elsa, Kristoff is not perfect, and needed to learn certain lessons to become a better version of himself.

Mutual Respect/Honesty

It is no secret that Kristoff respects Anna’s boundaries and decisions. While he may not agree with some of them, and is vocal about it, he still doesn’t try to force his views or needs. It is always good to be honest with someone, but to not force their hand or treat them like a child. For example -

During Frozen, Kristoff is very vocal about Anna’s decision to marry Hans. He tells her that, honestly, it is a reckless decision. However, he never tries to force her to break up with or change her mind. He just very clearly states his opinion, but never steps over that boundary to try and make decisions for her. This behavior is shown throughout the film, as Kristoff is able to be honest with her on her decisions, but never tries to stop her or force her hand. The only time he directly tries to stop her, is when Anna is getting ready to throw a snowball at Marshmallow, because it directly affects her safety.

Also during Frozen, Kristoff respects Anna’s boundaries by asking Anna for her consent before kissing. He doesn’t force her into a surprise kiss, he asks her first if they could. This shows how Kristoff respects her bodily autonomy, and recognizes her possible trauma from Hans.

In Frozen 2, Kristoff again shows how he respects her decisions.

“You had to go, and of course its always fine.”

In Lost in the Woods, while Kristoff is having a harder time in this film being honest about his feelings (at first) Kristoff reiterates that he always respects Anna’s choices, never trying to force her to think one way or guilt her.

Playfulness/Fondness

Kristoff adores Anna. That, is obvious. He’s playful with her all throughout Frozen, teasing her without out right insulting her. We also know exactly how he feels about Anna as he expresses his love for her in Frozen 2. He finds Anna -

“Incredible”

“Feisty”

“Brave”

He also mentions how she’s his ‘ginger sweetheart’, suggesting that he likes her hair color (in other words, he finds her beautiful).

Also in Frozen 2, we can clearly see that Kristoff and Anna have a loving,  physical relationship. This is a bit of a wacky point to mention considering that this is a children’s film, but the implications are there so I will talk about it. Anna and Kristoff kiss multiple times with both parties being comfortable, and Anna is ready to have a make out session when Elsa and Olaf fall asleep in the sled. This shows how the two of them have enough fondness of one another to be able to be physical.

Trust/Support 

This is a big one, and one of Kristoff’s best qualities. Not only does he support her, as mentioned in the respect section, he shows how he is able to trust her decisions, openly asking her what she needs to do when he rescues her from the rock giants.

“I’m here, what do you need?”

“To get the the dam.”

“You got it!”

Kristoff doesn’t ask her why, he just trusts her judgment. This is clear development from the first film, when he didn’t trust her judgment based on her choice to marry Hans. Then, he gladly helps her up the cliff without a fuss or undermining her strength.

“Help me up.”

“We’ll meet you on the other side.”

His trust for her also grows when he is finally able to come to terms with how he feels. In fact, the scene above demonstrates how when Kristoff finally reflects on his emotions, he is able to be more confident with their relationship and have more trust that Anna knows what she’s doing. 

Kristoff also spends both films and short films giving Anna support. In Frozen, while he at first only cares about Anna’s promise to give him a new sled, he starts to show genuine concern for her. He offers to help her down when she (barely) climbs the mountain, runs to her side when she collapses from Elsa’s blast, and tries to keep her warm when carrying her down to Arendelle. Even in Frozen 2, when he’s unsure about the status of their relationship, he still comes to her aide and helps her during the fire attack, and of course comes rushing to help her with the rock giants. In Olaf’s Frozen Adventure, he sees Anna down and wants to cheer her up, and helps Elsa in Frozen Fever throw a party for her, using every inch of his strength to make sure it doesn't get ruined.

Separate Identities 

Kristoff is not dependent on Anna. While he loves her and wants to be there for her, he has a separate identity and is able to support himself.  He has a life outside of Anna, including his friendship with Sven, his troll family, and his ice business. He is able to leave Anna’s side, for example in Frozen Fever to drop off the Snowgies, and in Forest of Shadows he leaves to talk to the Trolls.

His self esteem is also not dependent on Anna. He openly wears what he wants, proclaiming that he only dress nice for Anna for as long as he’s comfortable, does strange things like talking to Sven, licking a strange sculpture in Olaf’s Frozen Adventure, compliments his stew in the same film even though Elsa and Anna are visibly disgusted, and never takes Anna’s insults in Frozen to heart.

“Nobody wants to be alone. Except maybe you.”

“(Laughs) I’m not alone.”

He states the last comment without any indication that he is being defensive or is offended by the statement. In fact, it doesn't faze him at all. His worries in Frozen 2 about Anna’s feelings are not about his self-esteem, but rather losing her as a partner. Let me better explain this. Kristoff mentality is not this -

“Anna is the only one who will consider me and if I lose her, I will have no one else. I am nothing without her. ”

It is this -

“Anna has become an important part of my life because of how amazing she is, and I don’t want to lose her.”

Yes, he does claim in Lost in the Woods how -

“Who am I, if I’m not your guy?

Where am I, if we’re not together forever?”

But I firmly believe that this has to do with him letting his fear take over, not so much how he actually feels, which I’ll explain more in a bit. Thus, Kristoff is not scared of losing his relationship with Anna because she makes him feel good about himself, he’s afraid of losing her because he genuinely loves having her around in his life. He loves her as a separate person, not as a crutch.

Good Communication 

This is the tricky one, because Kristoff has to develop this skill from trial and error. He doesn't have it already set, however it mostly affects his romantic life. He can pretty much say whatever he wants and what is on his mind to everyone else, and even to Anna before he realizes he loves her.

However, we clearly see that in Frozen 2, Kristoff is having a hard time expressing his desires to Anna. He wants to marry her, he wants to start a family. But what if Anna doesn’t want that? What if they are actually growing apart?

I care about her, but does she care about me?

Because of this fear, he is over explaining and fumbling over his words. Even so much as letting it affect his self-esteem, which he didn’t have a problem with before. As I mentioned many times in other posts, fear is a reoccurring villain in the Frozen Franchise, and it has reared its ugly face in Kristoff’s development as well.

His fear is making him hesitant, clumsy and question his self worth. Even though this really has nothing to do with any sort of dependence on Anna, he is letting his fear make him believe that he needs her to a desperate degree. In fact, he showed in the beginning of the film that he was much more calm about their relationship and had no doubts. It wasn’t until Anna started to focus more on Elsa that he started to grow this irrational fear. It didn’t happen in full blast until he thought Anna left him permanently.

However, after expressing these negative feelings out loud, and not letting them bottle up inside, he was able to see the flaw in his thinking as evident later on. After assisting Anna, he explains that he understands how she felt, and that it didn’t have anything to do with him. As Anna was strong enough to push forward even after losing everything, Kristoff was strong enough to able to put his feelings of self-doubt aside and find the confidence he lost.

“I know, I know, it’s ok. My love is not fragile.”

In just a few words, Kristoff expresses how his love was stronger than his fear, realizing what he already knew: that he is good enough, that him and Anna were fine, and that he was over reacting based on a fragile fear. Then, of course, he is able to tell Anna how he feels without doubt, finally asking her to marry him.

Thus, we know that Kristoff follows the traits of what makes a healthy relationship to a tee. Even though he didn’t have every quality at first, he developed them over time. As every character is flawed in Frozen, and need to make the bad choices first in order to learn, Kristoff needed to experience the same thing to be the best version of himself that he was always capable of. 

[singingvio]

LEGEND OF MANGA LISTS: Top 5 SADDEST Moments in the Zelda Manga Series!

((NOTE: Twilight Princess mangas and the Skyward Sword excerpt in the Hyrule Historia are excluded from the mangas considered in this list.))

1. Volvagia’s Demise (Ocarina of Time part 1)

In chapter 3 of Ocarina of Time, part 1, the story depicted is titled “An Old and Beloved Friend.” This chapter mostly depicts Link and Volvagia’s fight, along with their backstory depicted solely in the manga and not in the game, as it isn’t canon. The chapter starts with Link’s bow out, a single arrow ready to be embedded in Volvagia’s skull, only for Link to falter. The dragon burns Link and nearly kills him, only for Link to be healed by Sheik.

Link insists to the Goron Link that he can’t fight Volvagia. Sheik makes a fairly robotic comment while playing his harp that the only way to subdue Volvagia is to kill him, and Link loses it, yelling at Sheik, “That’s easy for YOU to say! There must be some way to make him remember me!” Sheik shows him exactly what disasters are happening due to Volvagia’s tantrum, Kakariko and Goron villages close to destruction, and Link sadly recounts the story of how he and Volvagia met before his inevitable battle.

Link saw him as a baby, locked in a cage with a price of seventy rupees in Castle Town. Link bought the dragon and set him free, only for Volvagia to bite his hand and burn his hair with his flames. Link tries to ignore the dragon later, when it follows him, but then Volvagia ends up burning a Stalfos that had been sneaking up to kill Link. Link then befriended the dragon, and Volvagia said his name aloud, and the memory fades as Link is brought out of his story by someone warning him that the volcano is about to erupt.

Link, in a futile, heartbreaking effort to make Volvagia remember him, yells out, “It’s me! Link! Remember me!” Seeing as this does nothing, Link drives his sword into Volvagia’s flesh, beheading him. At his final moments, Volvagia remembers Link and starts to cry, calling his name out one last time to an expressionless Link as he dies.

2. Ghandi’s Defeat and Link’s Following Despair (A Link to the Past)

In Act 3 of A Link to the Past, Sacrifice, Link and Ghandi (a character created to be Link’s friend and travelling companion exclusively in the manga) travel through the Dark World, saving its inhabitants from fates worse than death to pay for their sins. When Link talks to a gossiping monster of a swamp, it is revealed that Zelda is at Turtle Rock, and Link heads there immediately. Ghandi, however, stays behind.

Ghandi claims that a bandit can’t risk her life just to save someone else, and Link argues that he only got this far because of her helping him. They inevitably split up, and Ghandi worries silently about Link and confesses to herself that she’s had a crush on him and can’t bear to see him reunited with Princess Zelda, as he clearly loves her instead.

Meanwhile, Link makes his way to Agahnim at Turtle Rock, to free Princess Zelda. Agahnim calls on a giant, firebreathing hydra to stop Link from saving Zelda, and Link, thinking nothing of it, defeats the monster with ease. Link comments on the monster’s strength, saying, “It’s kinda weak, for such a big…” and then he realizes. The monster vanishes into smoke, revealing the broken body of Ghandi, who isn’t dead, but very close. Link is heartbroken, and immediately hatred fills his heart as he turns on Agahnim for making him fight Ghandi.

Agahnim points out what Link is becoming, a hateful wolf, and Link watches his own body transform in horror as he cries out in agony. Zelda  manages to break free of her crystal cage, and heals Link from his beastly form. Together, they manage to heal Ghandi before she dies as well, and the two are properly reunited.

3. Pirate Captain and His Lady (Oracle of Ages)

In chapter 7 of Oracle of Ages, The Pirate Captain, Ralph and Link are stranded in an unknown body of water on a raft, trying to get back to the mainland to rescue Nayru. They’re rescued by the Pirate Captain, a man worn away to only soul and bone, as is his crew. Ralph and Link ask him how long he’s been sailing, and he replies that he doesn’t know and is very tired.

The Captain and Link discuss Link’s sword and its fine craftmanship, and then the Captain notices Ralph holding the Harp of Ages, and asks for a song. Ralph obliges, playing a traditional waltz, and the captain is happily lost in the memory of when he was in Labrynna, dancing with a fine lady under the stars. He says, “I remember this song from when I danced with her! We were in love, and the world was ours. Until it ended, and I set to sea to forget. But I could never forget… not her.”

He then makes a bold declaration, one soon revealed to be one of many when Link reads his logbook, that he will make it back to Labrynna to reunite with the lady he still loves to this day. As the ship is caught up in a horrific storm, Link gets his hold on the Captain’s logbook, reading in horror the logs there. “Day 23: set sail for Labrynna. Encountered a storm. Day 145: Storm. Day 317: Storm… They’ve been stuck in this storm forever!”

Link and Ralph attempt to escape the ship in their fear that they won’t be able to, and the Captain attempts to stop them. Link manages to tell the Captain that if he lets them go, he can fix things for him and his Lady, and the Captain, on the brink of tragedy as he lets Link and Ralph go, his final words are a request to Link. “If y’see this lady on your journeys, lad, tell her… the Knight who set sail… will love her for all eternity.” He shows Link a picture of Queen Ambi, and with that, he disappears without a trace, and is never shown again.

4. Shadow Link’s Final Stand (Four Swords part 2)

In chapter 12 of Four Swords part 2, The Four Sword Forever, we see the Four Links’ final stand against Vaati in order to save Zelda. Previously in the manga, Shadow was resurrected using the power of the Dark Mirror after a crushing betrayal from Vio, the smart, collected side of Link he’d thought to be his friend before his temporary defeat. The Dark Mirror is the source of all dark magic, including his life force. Shadow was resurrected right in front of Zelda, who was staring sadly at him, and he yells at her angrily to not take pity on him, as he hates it.

Zelda is then enshrouded in a dark cloud, and Shadow panics, asking Vaati what’s happening to her. When he realizes Vaati is going to kill Zelda, he completely breaks down, taking a quick detour to help the Links by disguising himself as Vio before going back up and grabbing a chair Zelda had been sitting in prior to her slow poisoning in the cloud, throwing it at the Dark Mirror with a scream and breaking the center of it.

Finally, in the final chapter of Four Swords part 2, the Links are almost where Shadow, Zelda and Vaati are. Shadow is incredibly weak, putting almost all his weight on the side of the Mirror. Vaati panics, yelling at Shadow that if he destroys the mirror, Shadow will die too. Shadow grins at Vaati, before saying, “That’s all right. I came out of the Dark Mirror. And with it’s power I woke you. How fitting that I use it to destroy us BOTH!” And with that, he shoves the mirror to the ground, successfully killing Vaati.

The other Links find his body lying next to the mirror, thanking him, and Shadow starts to close his eyes when Vio yells at him to “hang in there!” Shadow then calmly recounts what his life is like as Link’s shadow. “A shadow… usually only ever follows its body. It never gets to lead the way. Today I faced the enemy… on my own. It felt pretty good, but that still doesn’t make me… part of the body.”

Green (the leader and most ‘Link-like’ of the four) tells him the opposite, telling him that he’s their friend, and Shadow, with newfound energy, gets up and reaches towards the other Links, only for him to fade into the light and disappear, dying permanently and for the last time as the other Links stare at where he once was.

5. Skull Kid’s Backstory (Majora’s Mask)

In chapter 9, Fierce Deity Link, the Moon is stopped by the four Giants in Termina. Link sees Tael and Tatl reunited, and notes how sweet it is before thanking the Giants and joking with Tatl about how long it took for them to arrive. Skull Kid, meanwhile, shakes in the background, knocked to the ground and not getting up. In a moment of clarity, the mask not having control on him in his moment of emotion, Skull Kid despairingly recounts his tale.

Skull Kid sadly says that he didn’t mean for this to happen, only wondering why the Giants left him. A flashback is then shown from Skull Kid’s point of view, the Giants getting ready to leave as Skull Kid desperately tries to hold them back. “Why?! No! No, you mustn’t! Hey… Wait! I said wait! Don’t go! Hold on! I said wait! Don’t go! Can’t you hear me?!”

He cries out, many times, sometimes even trying to forcibly hold the Giants back and failing drastically. He ends up falling off a cliff, still trying to catch up with the Giants as he’s battered and bruised, still crying, “Don’t go!” He’s then seen travelling across the desert, tripping and folling multiple times, when he accidentally steps in a bird nest. The birds immediately attack him, yelling at him to watch where he’s going and that it’s fun to hurt him by pecking him.

Skull Kid shakily reaches a hand up to keep going, but gives up as rain pours down on him, tears pouring down his face as he stares at the ground in defeat. The flashback fades out, as Skull Kid says a truly heartbreaking line before being taken over by Majora’s Mask once more, initiating the final battle. “I guess… we never really were friends… after all. They didn’t even say goodbye. Nobody likes me. But with this… Everyone will do what I want! This MASK is my only friend!”

RUNNER UPS

Mask Creations (Majora’s Mask) - The deaths of Darmani, the Goron, and Mikau, the Zora, when Link dons both masks to fulfill their final wishes. Darmani, to see his son again and make the child happy, and Mikau, to spend at least one more concert with Lulu and the other members of his band.

Great Mayfly Fairy’s Transformation (Minish Cap) - The transformation at the hands of Vaati of a lovely singing fairy, with a beautiful voice. Link wistfully mentions that she looks a little like Zelda and Vaati, in a fit of mild hysteria at this point, transforms her into a horrible moth creature. Her transformation is shown to be painful and heartwrenching, as is her defeat.

Deku Tree’s Death (Ocarina of Time part 1) - The famous death of the Deku Tree, in manga format. Link is told of his quest by the Deku Tree, and that the Deku Tree is going to die in the next few minutes. Link cries and even punches the tree in a fit of anger and sadness, crying that the Deku Tree can’t leave him until the Deku Tree inevitably dies and Link must leave on his quest.

Green’s Defeat Against Vio (Four Swords part 2) - When the four Links are finally reunited, Green, Red, and Blue face Vio and Shadow in a battle to the death with Green fighting Vio. Their battle comes to a close as Green falls to the ground, seemingly stabbed through the gut as Vio walks off victorious. Red and Blue yell at Vio and cry over Green, until it’s revealed after Vio and Shadow leave that it was all a ruse and Green was only knocked out.

Zelda and Link’s Meeting (A Link to the Past) - Link finds Zelda in a dungeon, and Zelda tearfully recalls how she had almost given up hope of rescue, stating that she thought she had been all alone until Link had finally found her. Link then embraces her, stating that he heard her voice and she was never alone.