#the sad will go away after a bit im sure its just a fleeting emotion but man i really wanted this

[bucket-o-slime]

fuckfuckfuck

[sooniesspot]

Fluff Drabbles

☁️ Yoongi Fluff ☁️

warnings: poetically implied smut, slight Angst. Longing. Lil sprinkle of heartache and hopelessness.

word count 2.4k

A/N: Im purely publishing this on the notion that when sending this to my bestie @countingyoongis it made her "flip the soul she doesn't have" thought that was good enough reason. Anyways, enjoy!

“I’ll be here, waiting.” 

Maybe it was the way you watched the world go by. Maybe it was the way you missed your family. A life constantly on the road never faired well for you. Sure, for him a decade on the road doing a job he loved with his best friends, never seemed to phase him. But countless birthdays and Christmases were missed, your family opening presents without you. You missed hearing your brothers argue about making your mother her tea. Your mothers laugh at the way your family dog would spin in circles; excitement racing through their body. Your friends who yearned for your company. Dissipated into the background that was your blurry life, travelling the world with the love of your life. 

You felt empty when you were alone lately. Finding little joy in the things you used to. Plants withered and games unplayed; kept in boxes for you to deal with another time. The moments spent with him were the best moments of your life. The realest moments you could ask for. Sleepy flights where he would curl up into your side, cheeks rising like bread and heavy eyes as he mumbled incoherently to you. Moments you watched him on stage, giving his all. Even after injuries, falls, criticisms. You loved him all the while. 

Even in the moments of early morning, before the sun graced the sky, you’d sit in silence, alone with your thoughts. Unable to find sleep while your boyfriend was counting sheep; mouth slightly agape with the odd snore. Sleeping in the foetal position as steadily moving hands without rhythm or agenda; fumbled through the sheets to find you. Interrupting your thoughts. You watching the world go by through a microscopic lens. Before he was pulling you against him and lulling you to a welcomed sleep.

Tours of Europe. Sight seeing under hidden cloak of masks and guards. The Eiffel Tower standing in prominence around a large garden park. Unable to hold him like you wanted to or to take that cliché photo of a stolen kiss in the foreground. The Temple of Zeus, looking out over the mountain top to the streets of Athens below at sunset. Casting oranges, purples and golds into the sky. Spending the moment together, but not how you wanted. Not how you craved. Walking the streets of Amsterdam, admiring the flowing water of the river Amstel. Bicycles with tinkling bells that adorned your ears. Quiet. Quaint. Light touches and feeble displays of watered-down affection. Pretending to be, nothing but friends. It was hard. There was no doubt. Being the secret girlfriend of one of the most famous K-pop idols in the world was gruelling; heart wrenching. Wanting just to be. Without stolen glances or whispers. To be with one another, regardless of consequence. 

But in the night, when pretence of ‘just friends’ was disregarded; Thrown within piles of discarded clothes. He would hold you in exhilarating ways. Making your heart stop and run as if in tandem. On repeat. Forever. Light touches no longer feather like as strong hands smoothed hair from your face and lips connected with yours in passion so fierce your lips would pray to bleed. Pray to crumble apart under the sheer pressure. The weight of his own, cracked; against yours. Wanton and excruciating. Muffled groans of your name whittled into your skin as you would cry for him. In ways one could only imagine. Pressed against you so your skin would suffocate in his own. Hands held with dedicated influence as bodies mould as one. 

But after all was done. Sweat cold to the touch as tangles of limbs tangled their way into crisp white hotel sheets instead. Held in the moment. Not wanting to let you go. Hands spearing through your hair as eyes glassy, stared deep into your soul. No words were uttered, only breath shared. Moments like this is what you cherished. Wistfulness overwhelming you. There was nowhere else in the world you would rather be. From the deepest depths of your heart, your soul belonged to him and him only. Though your mind; a woeful friend in your darkest moments and a constant shadow in joy, would often voice its unwanted thoughts of whether this was enough. Whether it was enough to live happily with him, but irrevocably without him. Happily in secret.  But were you happy?

Never one to brandish your personal life on the highest billboards. A secret life seemed fine to you. But as time went on and appreciation was questioned. Affection shunted into the darkness. Your thoughts wandered into the unholy depths of your hell. A rabbit warren of twists and tunnels. Doubt. Jealousy. Questions of Self-worth. These thoughts followed you to every concert, as he would look out to see thousands of adoring fans. A gloomy cloud that hung over you. Over every cup of coffee, a faltering smile. Clawing at your chest in small bursts as you found yourself awake. Again. Silence for everyone but you as the warren would flood with hopelessness. 

It was then he found you that morning. Light not even breaching the horizon as you sat, gazing into nothingness. The void that was your heart. Wholly consumed by him and the fear of losing him. The fear of him drifting away like the cherry blossoms floating along the river Amstel. A cursory touch found your restless form in the early hours. An incoherent mumble of your name as sleep filled eyes fluttered open delicately to look vacantly at you. Engaged with the sudden knowledge of your dazed state. 

“Tink.” He mumbled. Affectionate nickname travelling through sheets to greet your troubled form.  

“You’re awake?” he would ask.

You hummed non committedly as he shuffled closer to you. Hands on your thigh soothingly. In comfort as his dreary eyes assessed you. Planting one kiss on your thigh. Then a second. The lip-smacking sound donned with nothing but tenderness and contentment.

“What’s up? Tell me.” 

No pretences could be grasped at here. No excuses as to why you looked sullenly into his eyes, shaking with contained emotions. He grabbed your small hand in his, squeezing it reassuringly; urging you to go on. You mustered every bit of strength within you to ask the question that toppled from your lips moments later and once you had, you realised everything would be brought to light and you could no longer hide in the shadows; the deepest caverns of your desires. 

“Do you love me?” 

Silence befell the room, his brows furrowed as he forced himself to sit up in front of you. Hand still in yours, unwavering; constant. A reminder of your tether to him. 

“Of course I do, you know I love you. More than anything.” He mumbled, his hand smoothing over your messed head of hair. 

Fingers placed on your jaw as his thumb soothed circles on your cheek. A kiss placed delicately, full of purpose on your forehead. Looking back into your hooded eyes as he ran his other thumb along your knuckles. Only your breathing could be heard within the room. Both calm and collected although, in the way that he looked at you, mirroring your upset. You felt yourself gasping for breath.

“Do you not feel loved?” 

The words crumbled your refrain from showing your emotions. A rogue tear had slipped from your eye and he effortlessly caught it with the pad of his thumb. A small whimper sounded from your lips before you were enveloped into his arms. No words said as he held you. Held you until the world stopped spinning and everything stopped being overwhelming. Your face resting in the crook of his neck, his scent that brought you solace. Peeled oranges and coffee on a rainy Sunday morning. Keeping you calm as he held you in silence. His grip tight on you as if you would slip away, never to be found again. 

A mumble of words. “I’m here. I’ll always be here. I’m so sorry.” 

Silence. 

“Please stay.” 

Your heart broke at hearing his words. Hearing his silent worry for you. The same worry you had been holding in for months. Lingering at every grace of his hand. Every kiss. Would it be the last time you would feel his lips against yours? The last touch? The last time you’d see his endearing smile; all gums and not much else. All the while he felt the same. Fleeting glances your way to make sure you were still with him. By his side. Would it be the last time he could run his fingers through your hair? The last kiss pressed to your skin in the dark of the night? He craved all that was you in every waking moment. In his sleep he would hold you close to him like his most prized possession. He pushed everyone away apart from the boys and you. You stayed. You stayed for him. Now he felt everything falling apart. 

Never hearing your reply, just broken sobs as he could feel tears threaten to spill from his own eyes. Finally parting from you. He gazed into your eyes, puffy and sad from crying. Something he had only seen you do once before. 

“I don’t know.” 

He felt his world cave in. was it not enough anymore? Just to love you? In any way that he could? In that moment he cursed his job for not letting you be. For you both to just be, in love. Happily. Healthily. Openly. He knew how much it hurt to never hold hands in public. Confined to closed hotel rooms and dark alleyways where he would steal a kiss. A need he had been carrying with him the whole day. Smiling as he would finally feel your lips against his. Bracing you against an old brick wall. Unjudging and unyielding like his love. 

“I miss my home. My family. My friends” You began to stutter, feeling your emotions drown you as you tried to swim your way to the surface for breath. 

“Yoongi, I love you but I don’t think I can love you in secret anymore. Not when I’m on my own.” 

He heard your heartfelt words wretch through his chest. Like a sincere punch straight to his gut. Precise but untamed. Thoughts rushed to mind in all the ways he could keep you here, with him. Get you to stay. Every idea falling flat as he looked at your face. Now tear stained cheeks and furrowed brows. Flushed and hopeless. Not knowing where else to turn. Being forced into a decision you never wanted to make.

“Okay...I love you, but okay.”  He said solemnly, admitting defeat. 

His words shocked you, just like that, it was over? He saw the shock and sudden hurt on your face before he continued; practically straddling you now as he pressed both of his hands to cup your face.

“Don’t think for 1 second I’m letting you go that easily. I fucking love you and I can’t risk losing you.” He nuzzled his nose against yours before kissing away your tears. Kissing your closed eyelids before kissing your temples then down to your nose. Finally landing a firm solidifying kiss on your lips.

“I’ll let you go on 1 condition.” He looked into your eyes. Searching for something in them. Something to soothe his aching heart. 

Your eyes fluttered to meet his, no more than a couple of inches away. Eyes silently urging him to continue. 

“Come back to me, please?” you could hear his voice break and you could feel your heart tearing in two. Tearing away from the cavity it once called home in your chest. You knew in that moment, the way his eyes searched yours, bed head bordering on crazy with dark strands falling into his eyes. He looked at you with adoration and hope. Love and kindness. Your heart belonged to him and only him. A sob wracked your bones as you nodded, barely containing the urge to kiss him as you pulled him against you. He kissed back fervently. Your hands quickly hanging from the nape of his neck as his hands splayed out across your ribs. Pulling your heated skin against his own. Mouths moving as one with desire and wanton need to be with one another. Never to part. His lips, mumbled against yours, once. Twice. Before-

“I’ll fix this. All of it. No more secrets. I just want to be with you. Completely.” 

You nodded in agreement to his statement, chest constricting at sudden emotions you had been holding back that rapt against your chest, begging to be set free. Lips connecting again and again as hands wandered and grabbed at one another. You found him above you as you familiarised yourselves within the sheets. Holding one another so close; breathing each other in. you chuckled dryly as he rolled off of you, breathing laboured as he glanced your way, meeting his eyes. Swollen lips from kissing, his tongue sliding over the seam of his lip before a small smile graced his features. Close mouthed but sincere. 

“I just need to go home. Then I’ll come back.” You encouraged him. 

You looked at him, looking at you. White sheets, meeting his pale skin. Old t shirt hanging off to the right slightly, showing cool expanse of collar bone and his necklace you got him that one time he had been staring at it when you visited an old street market in Spain. Even though he said he wasn’t; repeatedly but still smiled like the lovable dork when you presented him with it later that day. Dark eyes, still ebbed with sleep lingering in the corners; were shining and strands of dark hair graced his forehead, grazing his eyebrows slightly. His lips, parted with the odd swipe of his tongue for moisture. Hand appearing from under sheets to flourish the back of his knuckle against your cheekbone. Stealing a quick kiss on it as it passed your lips. 

“I promise.” You whispered; afraid the word would be cursed if uttered at any greater volume.

A light began peering through the crack in the hotel room curtains, signalling the sun rising and a new day beginning. The light; feasting upon his form. Illuminating a profile of his face in golden light; basking in it. You were enamoured and ardently consumed by all that was him. In every lifetime. For the rest of your life time. You were his. He was yours. 

Taking your hand in his, he kissed it once. “I’ll be here…Waiting.” 

© sunnysidejoon - 2021 - do not repost on any site, or translate without express permission from author.

Hope you guys enjoyed! I take requests so please do ask 😊

Love Always

Mac 🧡💜

[sillydodobird]

You set my world on fire

He’s definitely still shaking, adrenaline running through him when they eventually separate. The world comes rushing back to him, the sound of birds chirping and the sound of the wind blowing suddenly seem so loud. When he finally opens his eyes he’s surprised how flushed she is, not expecting her to be as affected by this as he was. Her lips are parted and her eyelashes are fluttering. For a fleeting moment, he wonders how he looks. 

- Clonath, first kiss, making out, arguements (Because would it be chloe and nat if they didnt argue?) 

-tbh im not sure what the hell this is, but it’s here! Used a bit of my other random WIP I had posted a while ago

 One of her hands is on his neck and the other is in his hair. He’s trying to keep himself from shaking, one of his hands on her cheek and the other holding her waist closer to him.

Her body is flushed against him, she’s very warm and soft. She smells so good, he’s unsure how she can still smell so amazing when they’ve been out in the hot and humid air.

He feels her tongue touch his bottom lip and he jumps back just a bit. She tastes like the peach lip gloss she uses and he’s cannot think clearly anymore, not when he’s distracted by what she is doing to him. He doesn’t care enough to try to think clearly right now, not when other things are more important, like the soft sounds she’s making.

His hand moves down between her neck and jaw. He’s afraid to move too fast, she is 100 percent in control of this. One of her hands comes to grab onto his and she moves it so their fingers interlock and he smiles into the kiss.

She breaks away for a quick moment, breath hot against his mouth. “Is this okay?” She asks in a much softer voice than he would have expected.

Not trusting himself to speak he nods his head and quickly dives back to kissing her. He’s not even worried he’s coming off needy or desperate, he just wants to feel her skin against his, to make her feel how she makes him feel. He’s kissed girls before but kissing her is exhilarating.

He hopes she is feeling what he is feeling. He needs to know he’s not the only one affected. He cannot remember the last time he felt this euphoric. Maybe it’s how soft her lips are, or how she seems to switch from rough to tender. Maybe its how her hands grip onto him as if she’s afraid to let go.

He’s definitely still shaking, adrenaline running through him when they eventually separate. The world comes rushing back to him, the sound of birds chirping and the sound of the wind blowing suddenly seem so loud. When he finally opens his eyes he’s surprised how flushed she is, not expecting her to be as affected by this as he was. Her lips are parted and her eyelashes are fluttering. For a fleeting moment, he wonders how he looks.

They don’t speak for a while. One of her hands is still holding his, the other clutching the front of his shirt. He finds himself unable to let go of her, the idea of no longer being this close to her feels wrong.

“I’m sorry.”

His world stops for the second time that day. Why is she apologizing? Did she hate it? Did she hate him?

He opens his mouth to speak but she beats him to it.

“I shouldn’t have kissed you like that. I’m sorry, I wasn’t thinking, It won’t happen again.” She’s speaking very soft. If he wasn’t inches away from her he doesn't think he would be able to hear her.

His heart stops and he feels cold and confused. He’s struggling to breathe and he’s not sure if it's because of her words or her kiss.

He finally finds his voice when she starts to pull away from him. His hands automatically tighten on her, as if it is instinctual for him to keep her from leaving.

“I..uh...I don’t uh…” he’s stuttering and he’s not sure he’s ever been more nervous. “what...what do you mean?”

Her head tits up towards him, he can see her eyes and is shocked to see her glaring at him.

“Weren't you listening? I said I was sorry. You don’t have to worry about it happening again!” Her voice is harsh and very different than it was a moment ago.

He’s never been more confused in his life. They had the most mindblowing kiss ever and now she’s angry at him?

“You’re sorry?” She’s still trying to move away from him and he can feel his heart tremble with every push.

“Of course I’m sorry! I practically attacked you!”

He keeps growing more and more confused and frustrated. He doesn’t know why she’s yelling at him, didn't she feel the same way? Didn't she understand he can’t go back to just being friends?

“So you’re just going to ignore it? Forget it happened and move on as if nothing happened?” He realizes he is raising his voice but he cannot help it, he’s panicking and he feels like he’s trying to outrun an imaginary clock.

“Yes! Why wouldn’t I?” Her voice is also raised and firm. He's too dumbfounded to understand the sudden turn of events.

“Are you kidding me?!” He rips himself away from her, creating more distance between them because he’s afraid she might actually kick or slap him for yelling at her.

He is close to pulling out his hair, he knows she’s incredibly stubborn but he can't grasp how they managed to end up here.

“Why are you so afraid of this? You obviously like me and I’m beside myself with how much I adore you. Why can’t we do something about it?!” He’s not proud of how his voice cracks but he’s gone through so many emotions within the last 30 minutes that he’s can’t be bothered by it at the moment.

“Because I’m afraid of what will happen if it doesn't work!”

If he wasn’t so frustrated at the moment, maybe he would have realized that it was a legitimate fear to have. He’s never felt this way for someone else before, he’s positive he will never feel this way for anyone else ever. She makes him feel invincible and vulnerable at the same time and he is head over heels in love with her.

“So you’re not even willing to try?” He says after a moment.

She closes her eyes and sighs like she’s trying to explain something to a whiny child. He should be offended but he doesn't feel anything other than sadness.

“Do you really want to try and then find out we shouldn’t have?”

“I don’t want to not try and spend the rest of my life wondering.” His voice coming out soft and he feels so nervous. Like he’s in a life or death situation, in a way he guesses he is.

She doesn’t look at him. She’s staring at the dark sky above, looking at the night sky and at any other time, he would have joined her.

“I don’t want to ruin this.” Her voice is soft again, no longer bitter. Her arms are crossed, defensive and alert.

He sniffs and he suddenly realizes he’s crying, which makes him even more embarrassed and frustrated. He’s putting himself out there and he feels like he’s getting absolutely nowhere. Maybe he should stop bothering her. They will never be the same again but at least he got to have some time with her.

“It doesn’t matter, we can’t go back to the way we were before.” His voice is firm and he’s proud of himself for not breaking down, even if that’s all he want’s to do.

He hears her sharp intake of breath. His head is starting to hurt and all he want’s to do is go home. He’s not sure how much more he can handle. He wipes the tears off his cheek.

She lets out a shaky exhale before speaking. “Can you promise me something?”

He would promise the world to her if it meant getting one more second with her.

“Anything.”

“If we try this,” His breath hitches, he can’t breathe. “Can you please promise me that if it doesn’t work that you won’t hate me? I don’t think I could ever deal with tha-.”

His lips are back on her before she can finish her sentence. He pulls away, centimeters from her, her breath mingling with his.

“I could never hate you. You could take everything away from me and I would still grovel at your feet, desperate for more of you.”

He doesn’t wait for her to respond, he’s back to kissing her. His lips pressed hard against her, as if he could make her understand by his lips alone. He doesn’t want to waste any more time. One of his hands is holding tight on her waist, the other gently holding her face. He bites her bottom lip and she makes the most euphoric noise. He could spend eternity kissing her. Hell, he wants to spend eternity kissing her.

She pulls away and he reflexively tightens his grip on her. He opens his eyes to find her eyes are closed. But her lips are turned into a smile, “And you say I’m dramatic.”

He breathes out a laugh, “I’m only dramatic for you, Bee.”

Her hand finds his, their fingers intertwine like they were made for each other. Her eyes open and he finds small tears pooling in her eyes. He moves to kiss them away before they can fall down her cheek.

“I love you.” She whispers it and he can’t help but the relieved sigh that escapes him.

“I’ve been hopelessly in love with you for years.” His head falls to the space between her neck and shoulder, content just to spend time underneath the stars with her.

[haipain]

oomf hI can i ask for a scenario wherein im stargazing with akaashi (if u dont know akaashi jic make it uhh todoroki) but it figures that im actually just imagining it all in my head, and once i snap back to reality, i'm stargazing alone? u kno who i am dont expose my blog HAHAHA ilyy

thanks for requesting nia!! i hope you enjoy hehe 💓 oomf i hope i didn’t disappoint with this waaaa

It was a nightly routine, somewhat of a ritual now. Stargazing with Akaashi had always brought your mind to a rest, the thoughts that constantly wreaked havoc in your head seemed to bow down before him, disappearing like the fleeting moments of happiness that had made themselves known to you once in a blue moon.

Sadness wasn’t a thing unfamiliar to you now, neither was fatigue. It had gotten to the point where the concept of unhappiness is so ingrained in your mind, that it wasn’t really out of the ordinary to feel as though there was a heavy cloud weighing down on your heart. What was unusual would be the brief moments of peace and elation that pops by every so often — moments that you had a distaste for. To others, they may be a respite, but to you, they were untrustworthy, never lasting, only serving to drag you further down the pits of melancholy. With Akaashi however… he had the power to slip in more moments of happiness and calmness, overriding the tides of constant sadness in you.

With a gentle brush of his fingers over your knuckles, Akaashi plants featherlike kisses on them, a warm smile playing on his lips. He laces his fingers with yours, the mild pressure on your palm reminding you that he was still there, comforting and reassuring.

You had multiple dreams of this being unreal — time and time again, because your mind just couldn’t comprehend how lucky you were to stumble upon a gem like him, much less have him return your feelings. But you were fairly certain that this time, it was very much real.

It was a game of probability and chance, and the odds had turned in your favour. There weren’t many things you were satisfied with in life, as all humans were, but the one thing you wouldn’t ask to be taken away from you was this boy right beside you.

You’ve known Akaashi for at least a year or two now, and yet what never ceases to surprise you is the discovery of fresh details about him you wouldn’t have otherwise known, without growing closer to him. Right here, right now, you could feel every single detail and you were committing them to memory as you go. The rough exterior of his skin, small scratches from volleyball that stick out just a little… The smell of him, freshly showered and ready for bed, the calm look of love that made your heart flutter just that tiny bit… Pray tell, this could never be a dream.

Yet, for quite some time now, you had realised that there was nothing new to discover about him. His scratches remained the same, strangely, never healing, and the way he looked was as though he was frozen in time — even the tiniest of detail remained the same. Something was off, but you didn’t want to think about it. It wasn’t a big deal to you, because, after all, he was still the same Akaashi you know and love. Nothing else would matter if it meant he was there with you, and he is, in this space, and in this time. 

“Look,” he says, nudging a finger up into the sky. Stargazing was what you were here for, but you weren’t as interested in the act when you were with him. How could you be, when all the stars were in his eyes? 

“Hmm?” 

“That’s Rigel, one of the brightest stars, a supergiant star, in fact,” he mumbles with slight confidence in his knowledge, thumb moving to trace your knuckles in a circular motion. Akaashi himself was not really a fan of stargazing, in fact, the reason why this ritual even came about was due to your insistence. So it definitely came as a pleasant surprise that he knew small tidbits of information. 

“That’s right,” you nod, a soft smile appearing on your face. 

“It’s a little like you, you’re rather bright too,” he states, tearing his gaze away from the star to look at you. 

The familiar warm tingle spreads on your face, and Akaashi’s eyes widens, swiftly angling his face away, body twisting to face the other way.

It wasn’t something hard to pick up on, but it wasn’t easy either. His usual calm facade cracks, a mild blush dancing across his cheeks. It is then you realised — oh no, he probably, no, definitely did some research on the galaxy and its related contents.

Even though he didn’t have much of an interest in stars.

There was no words needed to express how you felt, or rather, none that could express how you felt. So with a gentle call of his name, you shift forward, ready to pull him into your arms, just so you could convey a fraction of what you felt, to him.

He never makes it into your arms.

You jolt awake, still sitting on the roof where the two of you used to stargaze together, eyelashes dampened with the smearing of your tears. The brain works in a weird way, and it really has a way of engraving his presence deep into you, ensuring you never forget him, even after he was gone. Now your brain feels unimaginably numb, heart painfully hollow.

Waves of mixed emotions were crashing down, reality nipping at the back of your heels, chasing and quickly catching up. There was a reason why you detested happiness, because with it came the false sense of security and the fear of it not lasting, leaving you even more broken than you already were. And sure enough, the fear came true. Aah… you think with a tired sigh. The delusion...it happened again.

[justanoutlawfic]

Happy OQ Valentine’s Day!

So, this may be a complete wreck but I’d like to draw your attention to a few things before you read you’re present ;) 1. Im pretty sure I gave away my identity already because... 2. I’m working off my iPhone (it’s sad but it’s true lol) and... 3. Mobile Tumblr just refusesss to make things easy on me. 4. And also, I waited to write this last minute like most other things in my life. But aside from all that, I do hope you find even a tiny bit of enjoyment in this. Our beautiful sunken ship deserves a bit of light today ❤️ P.s. I’d love to write for you again in the future if you’re ever interested. HOPIN’ AND WISHIN’ AND PRAYIN’ (An Outlaw Queen fic) The shadows blanket the road this far out. They stretch from the tops of the evergreen trees and cast most of the road in darkness. Except for tonight, there are a few bright beams filtering down from the full moon in the sky. The only sounds come from the crickets and wildlife beyond the pines and it’s a solitary, lonely kind of peaceful. She’s made a habit out of coming here; slipping out just after Henry’s gone to sleep and spending a precious few hours hoping. Hoping for what, she isn’t quite sure. Maybe for the resolute acceptance of how things have turned out. For her heart to stop aching and move on already. Sometimes even, she’s loathe to admit, she wishes for a freak accident that would take Marian away and right the universe again. But mostly, she hopes he’ll appear out of thin air, grinning how he does, as he steps back into Storybrooke and into her life. She knows it won’t happen, that he might as well be in another realm altogether. She understands why he’s gone, respects it even, but it doesn’t keep her from peering out down the road and wondering where on the other side he could be tonight. The pavement is cool beneath her thin slacks but she likes sitting at the very edge where she can pretend the red line in front of her crossed legs is the only barrier keeping them apart. As if the two of them sit apart, the protection spell a curtain that only need be pulled back and they’d be face to face. She lifts the flask next to her and the moon beams off its shiny surface as she indulges in another sip. She’s not drunk, but the alcohol numbs things just enough, blurs the edges so she doesn’t actually cry. And it would be all to easy to let herself embrace her emotions and sob in self pity. He was supposed to be her second chance; her redemption for the awful woman she’d been—and he was, for however brief a time. His integrity made her better. His morals brought her back to that seventeen year old girl she once was. Just “Regina”, not “Her Majesty” or “The Evil Queen”. He saw the real Regina under all those layers of guilt and anger and regret. And perhaps what makes her feel more despondent than anything is that she’ll never get a third chance. She got so unexpectedly lucky with Robin. She didn’t deserve him to begin with, but only he could have been her soulmate. Only he could understand every sordid detail of her past and still have the audacity to not only love her, but choose her. Regina runs a hand through the front of her dark hair as she sighs. She misses him. She misses having another person unconditionally in her corner, misses not always feeling like the third wheel, misses the smell of damp earth and aged redwood. She wants to scream to the heavens, or this “author”, or whatever higher power there might be that it’s so unfair! Only she knows damn well how fair her pain is; how cosmic and condemned her story has read. It’s her punishment for choosing revenge when she could have chosen forgiveness. Daniel’s death was the great catalyst of her life. And while she knows there are many who let their grief morph into hatred, there had been another way. It would have been harder, maybe taken longer, but she might have come out the other side a better person; a hero. She won’t make that mistake again. While it feels just as bad as it had years ago, even worse actually; she cannot tarnish what Robin stood for, just to try to ease the ache. If anyone was undeserving, it was that man. He had made mistakes the same as any of them, sure, but he worked for his redemption. Robin had found a way to do what she never could. He turned his pain into purpose. A purpose full of love and selflessness and renewal. And now he’s been hurt once more, entangled in the web of her retribution; collateral damage for the penance she was paying. He had not known just what loving the Evil Queen would cost him, even if she had truly made a change. Yet, he had opted to accept the shit hand he was dealt and if only it weren’t for her he wouldn’t be hurting because of it. He might even be overjoyed to have his late wife back; his family reunited. She prays for that as she slowly pushes herself to her feet now. She decides it’s the only thing she can do to wish him well, Marian too. If only she could have granted him a memory spell before he’d gone so he could forget about the wreckage she’d brought into his heart. Of course, her thief would never have taken the easy way out. And Regina can’t help but to hold on to the thought of him remembering her, remembering the true, sacred, magical connection they shared. She suddenly has to lift her fingers to her face to brush away an errant tear. She will not feel sorry for herself, at least not anymore tonight. Staring out down the still, vacant road out of Storybrooke, she sniffles and squares her shoulders to reign in her emotions and she hopes above all else that Robin finds the kind of happiness she knows he deserves. This chapter of her story is closing, and she needs to let the dust settle on the pages and find a way to move on. If her heart is going to take it’s time mending, then she must stop her late night visits. She has a son at home and new, delicate friendships, and a town that seems forever under threat, and a population of people who she owes debts so great she may never repay them. But she must try. She turns on her heel and heads back to her silver benz parked just off the shoulder, opens the door and gives one last, longing gaze down the vacant road. In her mind, the protected barrier shimmers and parts and her handsome thief appears, Roland at his side, tiny hand clutched in his. Regina abandons the door, unconsciously letting her feet carry her forward a few paces. She let’s her eyes slip closed and smiles wide with the image of them behind her lids. “Regina”, he says. And it’s not until she reopens her eyes that it occurs to her the tone of his voice had not been quite right. “Regina!” As if awaking from a dream, her focus snaps back to reality and he’s still in front of her, rushing towards her more accurately, his arms outstretched. The the next moment she can feel him against her chest, can smell his woodsy scent right under her nose. “Oh thank God, Regina!”, he nearly cries in relief and it’s all she can do to catch her brain up to what’s happening. Maybe she’d had more to drink than she thought? He pulls out of the embrace, but doesn’t completely withdraw his touch. He must have sensed her shock, perhaps too overwhelmed to see her to notice she didn’t hug back. “Regina?” Her eyes scan over his body, willing herself to believe it’s really him, but they land instead on the dimple faced child grinning up at her. “Gina! We come to visit you!”, his little voice hits her ears and she raises her eyes back to Robin’s anxious gaze. The acceptance breaks around her and she throws her arms around his neck, afraid he might disappear. “Robin!” It’s the only thing she manages to say while she’s this overcome with emotions. He holds her back, just as tight and whispers her name quietly against her head and she finally finds her voice. “Wha—why—what are you doing here?”, she breathes in disbelief. Her hand falls to Roland’s head below and caresses his locks to finally acknowledge him, but she needs to grasp her current reality before she makes a fool of herself. “It’s Zelena”, he tells her with a bit of disdain, “We’re all in danger. I had to come back to warn you all, to help fight” He glances down at his now frightened son and lifts him into his right hip for a soothing hug while Regina blinks in confusion. “What are you talking about? Where is Mari—“ “We can’t talk about it now”, he cuts her off urgently, gesturing with a discreet nod to the boy in his arms. “Listen, I promise I will explain everything later. But we don’t have a lot of time to gather the others and make a plan”. He slides a gentle hand down her arm as if to assure her it’ll be alright despite his ominous warning. Roland wiggles in his grasp and his father sets him on his feet a moment before he bounds off a yard or two and squats down to examine a rock on the pavement. “I’m just so happy to see you, Regina”, Robin cups her cheek in his chilled palm, “didn’t think I would again”. His words rush off his tongue before his lips are pressed to hers, desperate and needy, fueled by the current perils only he knows they face and his all consuming love for her. It is a reunion kiss that can only come from resolutely believing they’d be separated permanently. Regina responds with all the heart she can muster, their lips moving fluidly together as if the last few weeks had not eclipsed. When they finally break for air they are both grinning like fools, foreheads resting together as their breathing falls in sync, and she swears she suddenly feels whole again, as if her arm had been missing and has just now been returned. She lets the feeling wash over her, soaks it in selfishly for a minute because she knows how fleeting this absolute contentment is now. There are still a thousand questions running through her head, a dark cloud churning and billowing over their little town and every life in it, but with Robin’s hand in her own things feel possible. She tightens her grip and they start toward her car, ushering Roland away from his picture in the dirt as they go. They let their hands slip apart to round the car and Robin opens the back so Roland can hop inside excitedly, insisting that he’s mastered belting himself in. Once he’s safely buckled and shut in, Robin pulls his handle but catches Regina’s eyes over the hood. They both have a flurry of emotions hidden in their expressions, but one sticks out above them all and Regina knows this one to be the only true importance in the world. “I love you”, Robin declares, the lines around his eyes wrinkled from the joy on his face. Her chest swells with such happiness that her dark eyes moisten with tears and she doesn’t care that her voice cracks when she finally speaks the words herself. “I love you”. Fin