#he is not into me but we arent being weird about it and he agreed to forget I said anything

[aniseandspearmint]

*sigh* did NOT need 'ramp rail falling over' today.

Now i gotta see if i can fix it without spending too much money (more than twenty bucks)

I think it'll hold if i just get some brackets....

[bucket-o-slime]

fuckfuckfuck

[lucy4-ever]

nsfw headcanons about bill kaulitz

!all NSFW!

first i'd like to say that, because he has a twin brother so comfortable with the topic, we think bill's the innocent brother

WRONG

pretty sure he's as hrny as tom is

maybe a bit less

but i think he'd rather have long, loving, caring sx (unlike tom)

plus, we know he's not really into hookups

(i dont remember who wrote it, but it wasnt my own idea!) that he feels guilty to just have sx for 1 night and forget it all

so he's really invested in aftercare and communicating during the act (green flag)

he praises all the time

he's definetly a soft dom and a sub

when he's drunk or high, he slightly changes though

but no matter the situation, he always asks if it's okay

he wouldnt accept to have sxual intercourses with you if he's sober and you're drunk/ high, it'll feel like he's taking advantage of you

however if you're being flirty, touchy and everything, he might just drink a bit so it wouldnt feel too weird (knowing you gave your consent a 1000 times and that you just want him, and that you trust him and that youre horny)

when he's not convinced by your actual desire to fck, he doesn't accept and just takes care of you 😊

however, when the both of you are drunk/ high, it's another level of pleasure

DRUNK/ HIGH SX WITH BILL 🔛🔝

"just like that, yeah, baby"

"do i slow down, my liebe?"

"please, stop teasing me my love"

"youre so pretty, my beloved"

"are you alright my love?"

"keep doing this, yeah, youre making me feel so good sweetheart"

"my sweet girl, my sweet sweet girl, youre being so nice to me"

"are you sure, you're okay?"

"my darling, you feel so good, youre gonna make me cm so fast"

"does this feels good? let me know how you feel, my dirty girl"

"yeah, take it all in for me, my lovely dirty little slut"

"is this too rough?"

"fuck me very well, baby, the same way i'd fck you sweet thing"

"i think im cmming my dear, can i? can i my love?"

"is this okay?"

if he wants to try something new, something which he'd never done with you and that's completly different from usual, he'll ask and make sure you dont just wanna please him

if you agree, he may be rougher and degrading you

but he'd never do it by himself, without asking you first

i think it depends on what do YOU want, he's really listening to your desires and compromises with his own

yet, he always prioritize your pleasure to his

now, let's get more concreet

there will never be a sxual intercourse without you having an orgsm

it's fundammentaly impossible with bill

even on his birthday when he's supposed to be the one to receive all the pleasure , he'll ask to go down on you

that's just the way it is

hates and loves being edged

however, if you edge him too much, when he'll be fcking you, he won't go easy on you

he edges you too, by kissing and sucking everywhere on your body but your pssy

he's open for every kind of sx

you can ask him about anything and he'll probably say yes to make you happy

AS LONG AS IT'S NOT DISTURBING THINGS

but i believe y'all arent mad enough :D

loves you being on top

loves sitting position

loves position where he sees your face and can kiss you

loves when you want to be the giver

secretly loves when you act bratty with him

but also loves when you're being a pleaser

chest turn him on so badly 🗣

(not in a weird way) but always stares at your chest and loves when you dress in tight clothes

randomly stares at you and you're wondering what he's thinking about when the only thing on his mind is what happened last night, how good you looked and how you're gonna look this night

has a sx playlist with "apocalypse" by Cigarettes After Sx and "do you wanna fuck" by Byz on it

MOANS, WHIMPERS, CRIES

he doesnt give a flying fuck about belly fat, love handles, thick thighs and arms as well as small chest, thin bodies, "weird looking" pssies, body hair and couldnt care less honestly

he loves people for who they are, not for their genders, looks, body, money, belongings..

i secretly think he has a thing for bigger girlies 😉

he lives for thick ladies 😽

author's note : tadaaa!! i'll probably make a part 2 and one for tom, please can you guys give me ideas on what you'd like me to write please 😫

love yaaaa!! 💕

[on-leatheredwings]

i've found your account only a few days ago but ever since then I've been STUCK here rereading your fanfics, especially ones with damian. i wasn't even a dc fan (heard about some stuf, watched some films and cartoons, but that's it) but now im reading comics since im Obsessed and need more batboys in my life (rip my productivity😔)

Anyway, after Sleepover i'm curious what will Bruce (and maybe even Thalia) think of batboys strange behaviour towards reader. He's smart, so he definitely notices it early on, but how he'll react....

I can see him being weirded out (like he was by Jason's anger issues, before his death), but he also can be an enabler, since Robin (literaly any of them) had a hard life, so if those relationships can help him why not pretend that everything is normal? you'll be safer in a Wayne's Manor anyway

All in all, thanks for a new hyperfixation 💞💞

P.s. About games:

1. Boyfriend to death 1&2 - since you're into yanderes you might want to check this game out. I prefer the second game, but the first is also fun. But beware the trigger warnings!!

2. Long live the Queen - more of a raising sim than dating sim but you still can romance some guys and girls.

,3. Hatoful Boyfriend - mostly a comedy, but there is a yandere.

4. The Royal Trap - it's been a long time since i played it, but it used to be one of my favorites so i'll just mention it.

5. Higurashi - once again not really a romance sim, but its an interesting horror mixed with a slice of life

;A; AWWWW THANK YOU IM SO HAPPY YOU LIKE MY STUFF.... THAT MAKES ONE OF US GIJSDOFAFGHFOJDSD

and yes yes get into DC!!! (girl who hasnt even read a full run since like. injustice)

damn now you got me thinking and excited. incoming spiel

i agree entirely about bruce just knowing how Bad things can get, so to make things simpler, he's like "yes, your darling(s) can stay in the manor, boys. 🙄"

mmm yes..... when it comes to bruce noticing the batboys are yandere, i think it's always sinfully delightful to just have him be reluctantly okay with it. 😈 it's also easier narratively ngl but i also like the idea that the batfam is all just corrupted.

bruce's thoughts are that they (his sons) fight for vengeance and justice but this is where they could use some leeway.... we all need our vice... they fight so hard for gotham, they deserve a little treat (getting rid of your human rights)... it's very "Dad who wants his sons to have happiness even if its not healthy" of him. in fics where bruce is a yandere, well, he's the exact same way so he can't judge. although if that's the case, i like the idea of bruce just being like "yes what we do isn't right. let's not talk about it. just don't kill <3"

still wondering what i like more. a yan!bruce who's self aware what he's doing is wrong but he just refuses to think about it. or a yan!bruce that justifies it all because of his paranoia, Tower of Babel style (if you don't know, that's when it's revealed batman has plans to subdue/kill the justice league just in case they go rogue.)

for the batboys depends on their personality... for damian, he's so resolute in things that i prefer when he just believes 100% what he's doing is okay, if not actually righteous. ^_^

hmmm talia.... I'M STILL UNSURE HOW I PREFER THAT AS WELL... i think talia being a you-arent-good-enough-for-my-son mom is a little cliche but also. she kinda would say that. you'd have to prove your worth somehow but idk how tf darling would do that LOL. in the end, i think talia is just relieved/comforted that her son indeed feels desire and wants love and will continue the family legacy (regardless if youre afab/can biologically have children.)

no THANK YOU FOR THE ASK!!! AND THANKS FOR RECS!!!! heheh yeah ive checked out btd and im not averse to the warnings its more like im not that most of into the designs ngl. fox guy seems cute? AND LMAO FUNNY BC IM ON A HIGURASHI REWATCH (never played it tho)

[anonzentimes]

i find it honestly kind of insane how misunderstood komaeda is online like maybe its because i did his ftes on my own playtrough but just from playing dr2 once to me he never felt like a "uwu hope boy" or a "hope obsessed male junko", he just felt like his own guy with his own reasons that have nuance and arent bound to black and white good or bad mentalities, and because i got all of that from 1 playtrough i honestly thought nagito was not that hard to understand and now i see people boxing him on one or the other and i just sit there like did we play the same game ???????

im also someone that overthinks a lot and wants my interpretations of characters to line up with canon as much as i can and i dont dare to talk on the internet about characters i dont fully grasp so its bonkers to me how many people are so openly completely missing the entire point of nagitos character........

It really is annoying how some people completely miss his character or think he has to be stuffed in specific categories, part of what makes his character so great is that he cares so much and is so sweet but is morally gray when it comes to his absolute beliefs/obsessive coping mechanism but even in the end his moral grayness doesn't have ill intentions. He's messed up by the circumstances of his life and the diagnosis also impacts things, he's still a really sweet boy who cares a lot and all of that is a MIX. Nagito is basically the moral grayness added to Danganronpa 2 that makes its messages more impactful and interesting. Nagito is practically a parallel to both Makoto and Hajime, and with his own sweetness and personality, problematic coping mechanisms from circumstances/luck cycle, and appearance it creates somebody completely new and wonderful. Somebody who's Super LOVABLE!!! In fact Nagito is so easy to misinterpret that the Wiki actually says "He's revealed to be a psychopath," which kind of undermines everything about him as well as isn't actually correct to the definition of a psychopath >:(

also the male Junko thing is inherently wrong because his mindset is completely different and Junko is also well written in her own way, the crazy eyes make people think of it or make jokes about it but it's just completely wrong Lol. Nagito loves Hope and believes despair is absolutely NECESSARY for Hope. Again, more of a parallel to Makoto, Not Junko. And then for the whole "uwu" boy it's like, c'mon dude. I know you didn't say these and are indeed agreeing with annoyance with these statements but I get annoyed too so I wanted to add a mini ramble about it too HAHA!

Anyways, I guess overall I just wish people could enjoy him with completely understanding him more, It feels really good for me at least. Probably because he's the biggest special interest i've ever had in my life and mere mentioning him gives me happiness, but I digress I think he doesn't have to be put into specific boxes. Good people can do bad things, he's a complex character with a lot of depth. In a weird way his character is definitely over the top fantasy from the franchise being that way, but what Danganronpa does is make that feel real. In that aspect Nagito feels realistic with how he isn't just black or white.

thanks for your ask and thank you for letting me ramble on my birthday <3 :D!!!!!

[autisticlancemcclain]

yo Jackie, what's one trope or situation type shit that u wish people would write more fics about. like we all know ur a brown-eyed lance truther, so am I so don't snipe me down babes, but like what else would u wish the fandom would agree on more. like u wish there was more lance and pidge sibling type fics, or more modern fics, or like more dating in secret fics for keith and lance? I'm interested

thank you for asking i have several. full disclosure i am kind of a hater in some of these. did not realize how much i had locked and loaded.

1. doesn’t need to be said but i’m saying it anyway. brown-eyed lance. if i don’t get that tag within a year i am rioting.

2. i LOOOOOOOVE modern aus. they are my bread and butter. i will read a thousand of them. i will WRITE a thousand of them. i love seeing a world built around the essence of these characters, and i love building them more. where would lance be, if he wasn’t in voltron? which of the characters are friends before the whole group finally connects? how do coran and allura fit? where do they work? where do they live? i love it. every decision is a confession.

3. i think everyone needs to have more fun with shiro and allura’s characters. for whatever reason (racism), people like to write them as the villains?? or as boring assholes who are incapable of fun and/or emotions?? anyways it’s the worst. let allura and shiro be stuoid and young and fun 2k23.

4. my favourite thing to write is weird, half analytical backstories/prequels for all the characters, and i love reading them too. what are their families like? what pets if their childhood shaped the way we see them now? who did they learn their habits from? i need to know everything. i have a specific hunk & lance fic i’m thinking about that was never finished, but that changed my entire perception of both of their characters forever. i am so nosy and people in this fandom who create these entire intricate backstories for these characters we already love are so important to me

5. keith’s fanon character in general lowkey pisses me off. i feel like people are OBSESSED with writing him very one dimensional??? like either this kind of mean emo or like tsundere blushing schoolgirl??? anyways it’s weird. keith loves his friends SO much. he cares about everyone everywhere all the time, he’s literally always thinking about what he can do to help people (or he’s being a dorky dumbass lol), he cares so much so often and so deeply. he tries his hardest and puts his all into everything. he loves hugs even though he’s awkward with it. he cries frequently. he wants a mom and at the same time he doesn’t. he loves his brother and his teammates. like??? please please PLEASE i’m begging y’all don’t do keith dirty okay

6. okay you know what’s crazy?? somehow whipped keith and whipped lance ARENT tags. insane to me. like obviously both of them are stupid wicked down bad disgustingly whipped. to me these tags are like. obvious. anyways i wish there were more works under those tags

7. instead of going on a tangent on how each individual character has been done dirty in several ways by fanon, i’m just going to beg everyone in the fandom: please please PLEASE stop making them cruel to each other. okay? they’re young. they’re struggling. they’re constantly under stress literally all the time. they don’t know how to work properly with each other yet. but they LOVE each other, okay?? so much. they would do anything to protect each other. like yes, they mess up, and sometimes they say mean things, and sometimes they just say the WRONG things, and sometimes they’re just awkward with each other!! but they aren’t fucking cruel. not a single member of that team is a cruel person. remember that they want each other to be happy and safe, okay? please. if i read one more fic where the biggest conflict is born by hatred rather than miscommunication or something i am going to lose my mind

8. however there is one specific beef i have with one character’s portrayal in our fandom: HUNK IS NOT A SMOL UWU CINNAMON ROLL. i have no idea why people pretend that he’s this guy who is just constantly smiles and sunshine and who is nice to everyone. let’s not forget that hunk is lowkey a bitch. y’all remember how he acted with nyma and rolo? he is a Judgey Person, yall. he is very dry and quick. remember that he has a little tiny smidge of a superiority complex. do y’all realize how fun it is to have someone who can just constantly cut through anyone’s shit?? who is very kind but is not, necessarily, nice??? it’s AMAZING. peak comedy. also reminder that there is a fine line with making hunk an awesome amazing talented chef and making him, the only fat character, food obsessed. please do not do that to my boy.

9. i love weirdo aus. like aus that are entirely unique and one and their own. aus for movies that have never been au’ed before. brings me so much joy

10. okay this used to be a big thing for me and i don’t write it much anymore (largely bc i don’t feel i’m very qualified too) but genderqueer lance is very important to me. genderqueer all of the team, honestly, i think we should fuck around with all of their shit, not just pidge! i read this one author who would make literally all of the teams trans & nb and it was awesome. nb hunk was something i never knew i needed but something that was so obviously true. i don’t write it too often bc i tend to make everyone very feminine (i love being a girl i love being a girl so so much it blows my mind that not everyone doesn’t want to be a girl all the time it’s AMAZING and thank you trans women for teaching me that), and i know it’s a genuine problem with over-feminization of queer characters in fanon so i don’t do it to often. but there are some amazing trans authors out there who fuck with the team’s gender beautifully and it’s a pleasure to read every single time!!

11. lol and as my username suggests, i’m a big fan of autistic lance!!! i’m also huge on adhd keith, which i know very few other people have in their fics, but i wrote an essay on it a while back and i do very much agree that autistic lance and adhd keith are canon and i would LOVE to see more people write it!!

12. you said it and i one hundred percent agree — secret dating fics my LOVE. i don’t write them much either bc a lot of my fics are very team-focused but they’re so so fun to read anyway honestly

13. EDIT BECAUSE I FORGOT TO ADD. i love writing lance’s full name as Leandro Agustín Nuñez Carmen Esposita-McClain — or, shortened, Lance McClain

i have so many things honestly. so many tags that are everything to me and also thank you so SO much for the ask i love having a reason to ramble

[boatemboys]

its so silly to me (read: help no why do ppl why) go " yeah agree with marcille that man clearlyy didn't love falin jusg the idea of her that he made up in his mind" and like just trying to make it sound like toshiros lil crush was more of an insane obsession / objectification deal when he was clearly like... he didnt even fall in love like immediately. hes "weird" abt it as in he just straight up proposes and didnt actually say anythign else because hes silly like that (autism...)

like leave him be he just thought she was cool for being fine and normal about bugs (he is tha bug liker) and also thought that she was rlly nice like her voice and how she treated others... girly (toshiro) did not fall for falin just to like elope and have sexy times with her or whatever !!! 26 yr old man first crush !!! like let him live +--#+#-$! sorry for the long ask he is just the silly. living in my mind rent free

he is silly ur right........... i do kind of (key words KIND OF) get what people mean cuz like. yeah it is a little weird for a guy to ask to marry you before even a relationship. but. there is this great and wonderful thing. called CONTEXT!!!!!!!!!!! it genuinely feels like theres a collection of dunmeshi fans who actually havent read it and like it based off of panels they see posted out of context. i was scrolling thru his tag earlier and i saw someone asking does he even like bugs or was he just obsessed with falin? HE LIKES BUGS!!!!!!!!

look at him. little guy. and i think the objectification thing comes from falin boob scene probably? cuz hes staring. but its been blown like wayyy out of proportion to the point where if u werent in fandom u would think hes an acutal creep. ive said it before but i think the toudens vs toshiro is infantalized autism vs demonized autism. with falin specifically its how everyone sees her as this helpless girl and i would say making toshiros attraction to her creepy too? and then marcilles attraction cute because women are also infantalized so its not CREEPY SCARY MAN!!! its cute girl :). but this isnt about that.

i think theres also this thing about the proposal. that i havent had fully formed thoughts about. but. i think its once again a thing about looking at dunmeshi with an exclusively western lens. because YEAH from a western lens a man you arent super close with proposing to you out of nowhere. weird. but for toshiro im pretty sure thats. not entirely "normal" per se but a bit less weird for sure? HOWEVER i need to look more into things before saying anything concrete.

theres also some people who think he hated laios for the same reasons he loved falin which i think. is wrong. to some degree! i can kind of understand as i guess on a very surface level laios is like falin x100 but if u read with ur eyes actually open i do think theres more than enough differences for this to be a little dumb. idk it makes me feel actually insane we must work together to defeat all toshiro haters

[nonbinarygamzee]

i think it is very interesting how people pick and choose which characters to sympathize with on the basis of being reduced to plot devices or being in general captives to their narratives. and obviously you dont have to like or give a shit about every character to exist especially not in a work so simultaniously dense and flat as homestuck, but i have both an intense interest in sociology and too much experience with how this fandom treats people for liking the "wrong" fictional children not to be eternally preoccupied with what makes these distinctions. when the character is liked, they are allowed the grace of being kind of poorly written; its the fault of the author, or theres some significant nudging about of their story beats to recontextualize them into something more nuanced and whole. by contrast, if the character is generally agreed upon to be uncharismatic, their personality flaws are inflated and the flatness of their writing is either erased in preference of integrating those authorial decisions into the characters personality (regardless of how glaringly contradictory) or more concerningly becomes a means of shutting down criticism on the basis nobody should care about the unserious/unwritten ones anyways.

interestingly, with gamzee in particular, ive found that people tend to do one or the other moreso than both; dont get me wrong, theres still a plethora of moralizing over peoples sympathy for This particular fictional child going on, obviously, thats basically the reason i am trapped here. but because gamzee is accepted as not a character but a plot device or an obstacle, a lot of people arent invested enough in her potential personhood to insist that the (antithetical) ways that she behaves are proof of her being "iredeemable". but they still have a negative emotional response to people having investment in her character. it isnt relevant whether or not shes a bad person, or whether she is being puppeteered, because her functionality in the world she exists in is to propagate the story and stand in opposition to its protagonists.

however as interesting as i think that is and for all i do think it says about an individual persons approach to homestucks presentation, i also cant ignore that that dichotomy only really started to Exist once it became less in vogue to harrass people for their character allegiences. in the same way, it seems like we as a fandom cannot escape the trap of being really, really weird about tavros every couple of years. skirting around some of the more blatantly ridiculous stuff because i do actually value my sanity a little bit, he is definitely one of the characters i first noticed people using critique as a pretense for passing judgement on people who liked or cared about him. again basically coinciding wiyh when it stopped being generally socially acceptable to just openly laugh about what a pathetic loser the disabled kid being humorously abused onscreen was. when ableism started to become a topic people cared about and disabled people and fans who related to tavros began to provide more in depth critique of the writing choices, and of fans, namely fans who made very light of his disability or who had a general refusal to talk about vriska's(and others but you know why its about her here) ableism, there was a massive uptick in people feeling the need to talk unprompted about how boring and shitty tavros is, questioning how anybody could like him when hes so badly written, etc. all in ways that did not try very hard to hide the fact that the concern about character writing was disingenuous and only really served the purpose of shutting down critiques of ableism in the fandom and comic. obviously this all seems to stem from investment in canonicity but i do notice it informs even the choices of people who approach their engagement in a "my city now" type of way. because the presentation of these characters impacts the wider perception, which impacts the ways people will deconstruct them. and this is why the idea that "homestuck doesnt have a canon" is a lie being sold to you for the sake of shutting down investigations od authorial motivation. was not intended to be epilogue snark but thatd as good a way to end this nonsense as anything else.

[blueskittlesart]

I just started a play through of Twilight Princess and you’re so right about Midna. My least favorite type of characters are ones who try to annoy your character/player on purpose. Like at least Tatl had a reason to be mad at/insult Link, she blamed him for being separated from Tael. But Midna is so smug and annoying for who knows what reason. (Also her imp design makes me so uncomfortable T_T)

But also I completely agree about the Twilight Realm. I feel like I’m just playing Kingdom hearts when I see the Twilight enemies. This game would’ve been so much more interesting if they tried to expand more on the Dark World/Lorule. It’s a little jarring trying to figure out what the Twilight is and constantly being reminded that it isn’t the Dark World. It just feels like it tried to take the concept of the Dark world and make it edgier and branding it as something completely new.

But there’s def things I like about the game too and I’ve seen pretty interesting lore theories from this game. But this game feels like it was trying to cater towards Hot Topic by being outwardly edgy rather than using darker tones and themes in storytelling like in Majora’s or even ALTTP.

the comparison between the dark world and the twilight realm makes me crazy. because alttp came out TWENTY YEARS before twilight princess, and yet it manages to do basically everything twilight princess tried to do, but better and without fucking up the overarching lore. The timeline in which alttp takes place is the timeline where the hero of time falls in battle to ganondorf during oot. the dark world that appears in the game is NOT a brand-new, previously unheard-of dimension a la twilight realm. it is explicitly the sacred realm (established in oot) corrupted by the influence of ganon, who was sealed in there by the seven sages as a last resort after the hero of time fell. already we have a world-switching mechanic which serves narrative purpose without fucking over the integrity of the overarching worldbuilding, unlike twilight princess. aside from that, the dark world ALSO includes a form-switch that link can't control, just like wolf form tp!! the difference is that the bunny form he takes in alttp has 1. narrative significance beyond looking cool and 2. IS EXPLAINED BEYOND WEIRD VAGUE HAND-WAVING. truly the thing that pisses me off the most about tp is that they make such a big deal about the wolf gimmick and then never once think to actually write it into the game. like, it's a thing he can do. why? what does this super obviously significant form-switch mean irt link's character? idk man it looks cool dont think about it. if you ask midna she'll yell at you. And like on a certain level i understand that alttp and tp arent quite comparable since alttp actually came out 7 years BEFORE oot and therefore wasn't REALLY an intentional sequel to it but DESPITE THAT it still manages to be a better sequel than tp. ugh

[lucy90712]

ik this is like the fourth request but gavi x reader where they are all hanging out together and gavi and the reader arent dating yet. they both enf up cudling somehow and the team takes like a shot tom of pics and they later find a polariod of that moment. later they go star gazing/on a walk at night with the rest and gavi ends up giving his hoodie/jacket to reader and they team +wags are just like aww while giving them a whole photoshoot

wc: 2.0k

Being friends with the some of the Barcelona squad is interesting to say the least but its so much fun and I would never give up my friendships with the team for anything. That being said we don't get to all spend time together very often as someone always has something to do but tonight by some miracle we are all free and have planned to hang out. I have had a very long and tiring week so I was considering not going but when I got a few texts about how excited everyone was I knew I couldn't not go. The one text that really solidified my fate was from Pablo as he is definitely the player I am closest to but we haven't seen each other in a little while and I knew he'd been really upset if I didn't turn up so I'm going for him. 

My relationship with Pablo is somewhat complicated. We have been really close since Pedri introduced us to each other always hanging out any chance we get but recently we have entered into a weird phase. For ages we always told people we were strictly friends even when our friends shipped us together but now Pablo has started to sort of flirt with me and has been a bit more touchy. I love it as I have had feelings for Pablo for a while but have just been too scared to say anything but I still don't dare mention anything just in case he doesn't actually have feelings for me. If there is one thing I've learnt about Pablo it is that he likes physical contact but recently I just feel like he has changed he used to rest his arm on my shoulder but now he will put it around my waist instead. He has also started greeting me with a kiss on the cheek which is a normal thing here but for us it’s a new thing. These things have me questioning what exactly our relationship is but I'm too scared to say something incase I lose him. 

Despite my dilemma with Pablo we are still really good friends so I agreed to pick him up on my way to Pedri's place where we would all be hanging out tonight. Like always he came running out and to my car and jumped in the passenger seat with a big smile on his face. Right away he launched into a conversation about what we have been doing since we last saw each other like we hadn't FaceTimed a few days ago having this exact conversation. Either way I was just happy to see him again as it has been far too long and I'll never get bored of hearing him talk about football as he's just so passionate about it. It didn't take us long to get to Pedri's and when we did I managed to find somewhere to park so that we could go in. In the few seconds I took to grab my car keys and my bag Pablo had run around the car to open my door for me which of course I thanked him for before we walked to Pedri's house. 

All of us sat catching up even though the guys see each other pretty much everyday I don't get to see them that often so we talked about what they have all been doing. We ate some food before the boys started playing fifa while I just sat and watched as I'm useless no matter how much they try and teach me. I don't mind just watching them I much prefer it actually as they are all far too competitive for my liking. Me not playing also meant I got to rest a bit to keep my energy levels up for the rest of the evening. I was sat next to Pablo with my head resting against the sofa for a while before he noticed and put an arm around me to move me closer and the making me rest my head on his chest. Any other day I'd be a bit more hesitant especially around all of our friends but tonight I'm so tried that I don't really care as much. Once I was settled he went right back to playing with his arm around me. 

Pablo was so comfy that I could have fallen asleep if it wasn't for the constant shouting from everyone when they were losing. I was also trying to subtly stare at Pablo as he played as I have always loved the way he looks when he's concentrating but he caught me a few times and just stared right back until we both ended up laughing as we can't be serious for too long. After they decided to stop playing Pablo went back to looking down at me and playing with some of my hair and probably messing it up but I didn't care. We were so in our own world that we didn't notice the guys taking pictures of us until both of our phones went off and we both looked to see pictures of us cuddling. I wanted to be mad but I just couldn't as I actually really liked the pictures and will probably save them when I am on my own later so no one knows. 

Despite liking the pictures it was still embarrassing for our friends to see us like that when we always say we are just friends so I hid my face further into Pablo's chest to avoid looking at anyone. Hiding my face also meant that Pablo didn't see that my cheeks were definitely bright red not just from embarrassment but also because I thought the pictures were cute. The guys kept making fun of us but Pablo tried to defend the both of us until they eventually stopped their teasing and instead suggested we go out for a walk. We all agreed to go but of course it took a good 20 minutes before anyone actually made any attempt to leave and when we did it ended up with a few of us waiting for the others by the door for another 10 minutes. 

"Y/n you know Pablo really does love you he just won't make a move as he's scared to ruin your friendship" Pedri said while we were waiting to leave 

"He's so smitten with you seriously you are all he ever talks about" Ferran added 

"Yeah right we are just friends and probably always will be" I said 

"We're being serious we know you like him too but he never going to make a move if you don't encourage him a little bit" Pedri said 

"I do like him but I don't want to ruin our friendship if things don't work out" I admitted 

"Believe us things will be just fine" Pedri said 

"What are you guys talking about?" Pablo asked as he walked over 

"Oh nothing important" I said quickly 

Luckily he dropped it easily and we headed out on our walk. It was a lot colder outside than I thought it would be but I knew I just had to deal with it and warm up when we got back. I haven't really experienced much of Barcelona at night as usually I only ever see it coming back from a game or somewhere else as I don't like to go out at night just to be safe. The city is really pretty at night though with so many lights illuminating the streets which are much quieter once the sun sets. Everyone else was talking but I was just enjoying the view while trying to keep as warm as possible. Eventually my concentration on the view failed as my hands began to shiver and my arms became covered in goosebumps and even my nose started to get cold. Pablo must have noticed me getting cold as he took his jacket off which he had on over his hoodie and tried to hand it to me. To begin with I refused but then he just started putting in on for me so I gave in and let him put the jacket on for me. It was a good decision in the end as not only did the jacket warm me up significantly but it also smelled like Pablo which was a great added bonus.

We walked around for a bit longer before coming across a completely empty park which is when Pablo grabbed my hand and pulled me toward a patch of grass. He sat down and so I sat down next to him to see what exactly we were doing seeing as he just dragged me over with no explanation. It all became clear when Pablo started point at the sky which was filled with bright stars. I have learnt a little bit about star constellations so I showed him the ones I recognised and told him the few things I know about space. It was so much fun as I have never shared this knowledge with anyone so it was nice to get to tell someone else about it as space is something I find really fascinating. 

Without realising as I was talking I got closer to Pablo to the point that I was leaning against him with my face just inches from his. When I realised how close we were I felt my cheeks heating up which I was hoping wouldn't be too noticeable but from that close Pablo will definitely be able to see the blush on my cheeks. Things got awkward quite quickly to the point that I couldn't take it anymore so I had to move away a bit and look in the other direction. That didn't last very long before Pablo was moving closer to me again and out a hand on my face to get me to look at him. We looked into each other's eyes for a few moments before Pablo leant down and pressed his lips to mine for the first time. The kiss was everything I imagined it to be Pablo's lips were soft against mine and the kiss was full of passion and emotion. Eventually we both pulled away and went back to looking at each other but this time we both had big smiles on our faces.

"What are we?" I eventually asked 

"We can be whatever you want but you should know that I have never felt this strongly for anyone else in my life but if you want to just stay friends I can get over it I just don't want to lose you" he admitted 

"I don't want to just be friends" I said 

"Then y/n will you be my girlfriend?" He asked 

"Of course I will" I replied 

He gave me another kiss and this time we heard cheering from the rest of the guys who were clearly spying on us. The moment was quickly ruined when they all came and sat with us and started teasing Pablo and making fun of him for taking so long to make a move. While most of the group were teasing Pablo I was talking to Frenkie who was showing me pictures they had all taken of us which were really cute. Frenkie sent me the pictures and I of course made one of them my phone lock screen then I stole Pablo’s phone and did the same even if he changes it later so people don’t see. Once the boys were done with their teasing we finally headed back to Pedri’s place where we hung out for a bit longer before I wanted to go back home and actually get some sleep. 

Of course Pablo came with me but I didn’t drop him off at his place we both went back to my apartment as now that he’s mine I don’t want to ever leave him. Luckily Pablo is just as clingy as I am because he was happy to stay the night despite both of us having things to do in the morning. As I was tired we both got straight into bed and I fell asleep pretty much straight away with Pablo cuddling me and playing with my hair. 

[meowsgirldrawing]

Ok but-

I don't know if this is because I have a huge thing for domestic aus or whatnot, but for some dang reason, the idea that Kenma wouldn't want children but fur babies instead just slays me In the good way ofc!!

Like- I love Future! Aus of shows like Haikyuu because of the amount of loving but so TRUE headcannons that can come with it. Especially cause ideas for next gen.

Example of Tsukishima being the father to a lovely little girl and being totally wrapped around her finger.

Or Tanaka and Nishinoya's kids growing up as best friends, even at one point calling each other cousins.

Or Kageyama having a little girl (There are so many guys in this show that make me JUST KNOW that they would have AT LEAST a daughter) who is the EXACT opposite of him. All cheery, hyper, very social, and everyone is like "Wait- Thats your daughter?!" But then when shes older, has the same smile when shes thinking of ways to destroy the other team.

Kageyama is my favorite btw-

JUST SO MANY IDEAS-

Then we turn around, and Kenma just has cats.

I can just imagine that this was probably something he like already decided, even before he meets whoever he ends up marrying later down the line.

And its not that he hates kids. While it may be a reason for some people, I can see Kenma as just like, Yeah, that aint for me.

And I can see that if his SO agrees with him, finding that to their liking too, they both end up like "Fur babies?" "Fur babies" *cue nodding Kenma but smiling cause yaay*

FBSKH

Self indulgent here but since the cats arent children, he can name them any video game character and not feel weird about it HAHAHA

He wants a cat named Link? HE GETS A CAT NAMED LINK

He wants a another one named Captain? HE GETS A CAT NAMED CAPTAIN

He wants-

Ya get the point. Cat names are limitless and hes a happy gamer/cat dad/ introvert hubby.

GAMER HUBBY KENMA FOLKS👏👏👏👏

Also, I find it just the best how most of the haikyuu fandom, whether hes shipped with Kuroo, YN, or an oc of any kind, most agree of this idea LOLOLOLOL

[raiden-brannigan]

Sorry for the long reply/ ask, I'm just very passionate about this:

Personally I didn't get that from the scene with fragile. He seemed far more preoccupied with "ruining" her appearance, reputation, standing as a trustworthy porter company and her pride

It doesn't read as sexual gratification as much as smugness

Hes envied how comfortable in her own skin and has confidence in her looks (and possibly sexuality) and people who care for her/ admire her, possibly even healthy romantic/sexual relationships, and loving parents that didnt abuse her (at least in the ways that "daddy" didnt/arent as obvious) and now he's finally able to bring her down to his "level" to try to make them equals again in the only way he knows how, by dragging her down with him

Im not even sure if there is a sexual component? I think its far more complicated than that, and has far ,more to do with higgs' insecurities and envy tbh

I think the lick with sam is the closest of his actions to have sexual motivation, but even then I'm not sure its almost like hes trying to lay himself bare and be vulnerable while completely in control of sam? That scene is the one where his motives feel the most obscured

(with amelie i honestly keep forgeting that the deathless freaks comic didn't happen where amelie smacks his ass back right after that scene)

But I would be suprised if that was something amelie agreed to in order to upset sam further and bolster higgs as the despicable "villain"

It felt very performative, at least to me

Also many of these wikis are fairly obvious with their lgbtq+ phobia like assuming higgs must be attracted to fragile because of the licking but his attraction is questionable if its sam?

It also seems kinda fucked that its comparing sexual assult to being a pervert, when thats caused a lot of lgbtq+ descrimination in the past? Like higgs is definitely a pervert, but thats not why.

I see this consistently with wikis based on kojima games (and quite a bit of scifi fandoms too) only giving legitimacy to straight characters/ relationships and delegitmizing lgbtq+ characters

So a lot of this is my own personal interpretation, I only really used the wiki screenshot to gather the "scenes" I use and don't entirely agree with some of the terminology and phrasing. But it is a place i can use to get all the canon plot beats in one place and I already had this interpretation before reading the wiki section.

I think all the things you said can be true with him also being a bit of a creep. Like, he has a Lot of depth as a character and I don't want to dumb it down to "Oh he's just a creep who assaults people" cause that's not at all the case.

But at the same time from the moment you meet him he just gives off Bad Vibes. He can absolutely be jealous of Fragile and looking to ruin her in every way (physically, mentally, reputation wise) and still be Weird about it. He's a complex character with complex motives and no one reason for doing something.

We might just interpret his character differently but this is how I read a lot of the stuff he did. Again, not everything gets dumbed down to him assaulting people cause he wants to but he does give me personally that vibe. He can violate Sam's space purposefully to make him uncomfortable and still get some sick gratification from it. The way he creepily pats Sam sometimes, talking about Fragiles "~pretty face~", etc, these are all real things I've both seen and been victim of by people who absolutely do get off on it.

Again this is all just how I read his character, and there is no one way to interpret any character.

[mrs-monaghan]

honestly, you, your anons and others jkrrs bloggers r getting too comfortable talking those things about tae AND the members relationship with eo. I think is such a weird move to talk those things about someone that u dont even know, for reasons that u dont even know, even tho jm and jk (the ones that actually knows tae) dont seem to have a problem with none of this. We are in 2023, chapter 2 for more than a year, and we dont get to see the members life anymore. When a member is doing solo things, all we see the others doing is posting/doing live on their public, PROFESSIONAL, social media accs, sometimes mentioning one another, sometimes not. They r supposed to focus on their individuality in this chapter, and to do so, we dont get to see them together anymore. So, why r yall feeling so entitled to say what is happening behind close doors? How can u say that xyz member r no longer close when WE DONT SEE SHIT these days? If we dont see them talking to eo in their PROFESSIONAL socmed acc, this means what exactly? U dont know, i dont know, only them know. And there is a reason for this. I'm sure they fight, they have their problems, but these day WE DONT KNOW, DO WE? Lets normalize having opinions and making those type of statement about the members of BTS and their relationship with eo only when we have enough evidences to do so, what do u think? Because when u shade someone that u dont even know personally, that u dont even see the motivations behind their actions, just because U THINK theres something going on, what does that make u? Rm, Jin, Suga, Jhope, Jimin, V and Jungkook know eo for more than 10 years. They gone through things we can't even imagine, together, supporting one another. But suddenly, in this chapter 2, u and so many are getting sooooo comfortable in forgetting all of this and r questioning their bond, even tho we know nothing. U r so in a fanfic mode that u really believe that jimin is no longer close to tae because of the shit tkkrs do? U really believe that tae, who knows jk since he was 13, is really using him just to what??? feed his stupid fans? As if he doesnt know and love jk for almost half his life? U believe and agree with your anons when they SPECULATE about xyz members dont getting along anymore, x member dont giving a shit about BTS anymore. But i ask u, WHERE R THOSE EVIDENCES TO SUPPORT THIS BELIEF?? Really, where r yall seeing all of those things to confirm this suspicions? I want to know, because these day we r getting nothing, and when they talk about eo, is with love, saying how much they miss being a team. "Ohhh, because jk didnt want to sing a BTS song". So what? Is this yall evidence? Because tae hangs out public with wooga squad? He hang out PUBLICLY with jk sometimes too, and he is part of BTS, as long as i know. He hang out PUBLICLY with jhope too before he enlisted. I'm sure he hangs out with all of them who arent in the ms, we just dont see it. And maybe this is all true. They r no longer close, they dont like eo anymore (except jimin and jk), they dont want to be a part of BTS anymore. Tae is using jk to feed his shippers, so jm doesnt like tae anymore. But, for now, WE DONT KNOW THAT!!!! WE DONT SEE SHIT!!! So, i think we all should start to remember our place as fans. When we start to get footage of members seeing eo, talking to eo, like we did in the past, then we will have enough, not complete, evidences of the status of their relationship with eo. Until that day arrives, yall r basiclly writing fanfics, and worst, letting it changing the way u see BTS and even letting u get too comfortable shading people that jm and jk loves very much. This chapter 2 is really a mess and this fandom is shit

honestly, you, your anons and others jkrrs bloggers r getting too comfortable talking those things about tae AND the members relationship with eo

You want me to be uncomfortable in my own blog? Bitch idts!

(the ones that actually knows tae) dont seem to have a problem with none of this.

So you're just gonna sit there and act like i haven't said this a million fucking times?

So, why r yall feeling so entitled to say what is happening behind close doors?

I'm assuming you've come across my blog because you're a Jkkr? Considering the fact that Jikook have never come out and said they're together, considering that we are Jkkrs because we read between the lines and therefore assume they're a couple, i fail to see why on earth you feel you have a leg to stand on? Why is it okay for you to assume things about Jikook going by what you've seen but yet it's a crime when we do the same about Vmin?

How can u say that xyz member r no longer close when WE DONT SEE SHIT these days?

Umm... who said anything about these days? Jimin putting boundaries with V has been happening for a while now. It didn't start in 2022. When V told Jimin i like you the most and Jimin replying i like you too.... Old Jimin would have said i like you the most, too. Just one example.

Lets normalize having opinions and making those type of statement about the members of BTS and their relationship with eo only when we have enough evidences to do so, what do u think?

I don't know if you're talking about people in general or me and my blog, because we have more than enough evidence. Here i show V hangs with the WS more than BTS. No one made this up because yes, that is evidence. Here i show JK seemed to be avoiding V during JITB.

Also Here is where i defend Vmin btw but by the way you're talking i'm guessing you knew nothing about it 🙄

And there is plenty more. If i speak confidently about something it's coz i've noticed a pattern. Of course i could always be wrong but if i ain't disrespecting nobody i don't see why i shouldn't talk about it.

"Ohhh, because jk didnt want to sing a BTS song". So what? Is this yall evidence?

I think u need to unclench. JK being a Jimin solo has been an ongoing gag for a while now. Maybe if you laughed once in a while you wouldn't be so wound up to the extent of sending this long ass novel to a blogger you clearly know nothing about and have never interacted with before.

They r no longer close, they dont like eo anymore (except jimin and jk), they dont want to be a part of BTS anymore.

I'm gonna need y'all to stop bringing me shit u see u see from other bloggers because this hasn't happened here. Take it to the right person, thanks.

This chapter 2 is really a mess and this fandom is shit

I think this whole ask is shit. Mostly have an issue with your wording. It couldn't be more clear that this is is your first time visiting this blog. Just because i let my anons vent don't mean i agree with everything they say. And i cannot reiterate enough that i sincerely dont have an issue with V since Jikook don't seem to.

You came here with your ot7 kumbaya bullshit that blind Jikookers like to preach on a daily basis like Jimin doesn't side eye certain tkk moments. Like JK doesn't debunk tkk every chance he gets. (which says ALOT about what goes on behind closed doors btw) You wanna pretend nothing is going on with V and that's fine. But you have no right, and i repeat NO RIGHT to come here and tell me how to run MY blog. Especially when it's clear that you know dick about me. You people who act like BTS can't wrong eo or have issues with eo. Acting like 7 members (that's a big number) don't clash once in a while. Acting like that hasn't shown up on official footage. Get out of here, man.

Here and here i discuss Vmin past issues which proves that yes, its not all kumbaya this kumbaya that over at house BTS.

Go sit over there in the corner and judge me quietly or block me like half this tumblr has done but don't you ever tell me what to do ever again or i won't be so nice next time. I respect the fact that you aren't on anon which is why i took this time. But take your own advice and don't assume like you know anything about what i do here. Because if you did u wouldn't have typed up half of that shit.

[ask-serendipity-sky]

When u stan a member of BTS, some things that exists within this fandom will be applied to u. I noticed u dont like a loooot of people, not even beyonce, lol, but u will not be called by people of BTS' fandom a beyonce anti. Why? because beyonce, just like jennie and kai, is not a part of BTS, is it? But when u stan park jimin, a member of BTS, and dont like tae and say mean things about him, u will be called a tae anti. There is no way to escape it. When u say that, if jikook break up, u will stan only Jimin, u will be called a solo and a person who is using jk just for the sake of your shipp. There are things that comes with being a part of BTS fandom, so if u dont like one of the members, or in fact just likes one, u are a solo or an akgae. And yes, people do care about what u have to say, judging by the fact that already some of your fans came to defend u, but ig they r antis just like u. U do have a platform in here, and that is why i sent the ask. But anyway, it really makes no difference if u say u dont consider yourself an anti and solo, because in the end, u are. U just are an anti and solo that is saying that you arent. I hope people know that u r just one jikooker, and that most of us r not even a little like u.

Hi anon,

I thank the universe that other Jikookers are not like you. So full of themselves and acting like they are the tumblr police while being cowards like you hiding behind an anon button.

You say I'm an "akgae" and look at you...being my akgae. My very first. So proud.

But no all the things you mentioned don't come with being part of the fandom. They come from a fandom that has normalized being toxic and bullying people and labeling people as soon as they dont say something that the masses agree with.

I don't know why you are acting like you are holier than me when you are here being my akgae and bullying me or when it has been army who has beem responsible for bullying other fans in the fandom, other fandoms, other celebrities, even the members of BTS.

Or did you forget when Jk was telling Namjoon that the fans were going to laugh at him because of his "We want to focus on...." speech, or when you all laughed at Namjoon because he had a hickey, or when you all laughed at Jk's hair calling him Dora, or when you all have called Jimin bald and he almost wanted to report you, or when you all have called Jimin chubby...the list goes on.

Or how you are bullying me?

Army are akgaes then. You should be their leader.

Well, I guess you are right. People do care about what I say. Or at least you do care because you know all my posts by heart lol

Which is weird... you don't like me but you still read me...that's kinda toxic. How come you don't remember the posts where I say to only listen to what makes you happy? Obviously, I dont make you happy so....leave?

I'm not going to change my way of thinking just because people don't like me. In fact, I HATE when people tell me what to do which makes me do things even more.

And if I don't like American music (not the people, the music), that's because I grew up listening to music in my native language and I identify better with it. You are going to bully the type of music I listen to as well?

So if you stay in my blog..stay mad.

Thank you for sharing and living in my blog.

[cherienymphe]

Cherie please give me advice

So...these 'friends' i used to talk to made jokes about this girl they didn't even know getting SA'd. Backstory the girl will be refered to as Sam. So sam is a first gen american indian girl in college. She's roomates with one of the girls I cut off and from what we were told Sam grew up in a traditonal indian household. Its expected of them to be caretakers..to men specifically. So there were this group of guys who would come over to see sam all the time and sam is a naive/innocent girl, she assumes their friends. BUT the guys dont like her but they keep hanging out with her AND they have gfs. Which i find weird AF.

In group chat the girls were saying how she shouldnt have guys over and she's giving off pick me energy. They were so quick to say they dont like her BEFORE they met her. I personally didnt agree because I dont have beef with her..idk her. So then they make jokes about trains being ran on Sam(which is weird). They started mentioning her screaming and i said "what if they arent happy screams?" Then they said "its not our problem". Afterwards they proceeded to say if they heard her cries for help they would go to sleep and ignore her. I felt very upset because wtf is wrong with you?! I called them weird and they said "how are we weird?"

I got so mad I sent a voice calling out their pick me behavior like:

- giving head to her bf in the care after he was ignoring and blowing her off. And stayed with him after he didnt mention his family is racist. She's also VERY desperate to lose her v-card.

- dating a guy after they a friends with benefits deal. Only for her to fall first and make the meredith gtey pick me, chose me speech (iykyk). Only for him to actively try to get in a relationship with someone else they didnt choose him so he came back to her. He lied saying he wasnt ready for a relationship

- literally ditched us at a festival for 2 hours to talk to a guy. She was like a wet blanket until he showed up.

Anyways Idon't trust them..like i personally think those jokes arent funny AT ALL. Like if its so funny why didn't you say that to the girl. Am i wrong for cutting them off?did i take it too far? What would you do ol' great one.

You made the right decision. They were weird and knowing Sam's history, instead of having a girl to girl moment about being wary of college boys and attempting to look out for her, they chose that route instead. It's 2023. We're not hanging out with people who make rape jokes.

It's doubly so considering how much they themselves have sacrificed their dignity and embarrassed themselves for a man and so by their own logic of what they're assuming about her, the same should apply to them no? They seemed very immature and catty and male obsessed so good riddance 😭

[kyoghurts]

so uh there's this guy...

been friends for almost a year now. knew nothing about him until we're under the same strand. i never heard his name before even though our classrooms were a mile apart and in under the same hallway back in junior highschool (it sounds as if its been so long wtf). funnily enough, i had an ex fling at that time who is his classmate and yet he never saw me even when i visit his classroom on multiple occassions.

so, first year of senior, we didnt interact all that much during the first few months. to me, he's often detached and unapproachable with the lack of presence he fills in the class. i've never seen him interact with others except for two guys hes close with. but i always wanted to be his friend, partially bc his best friend — lets name him J — was friendly and that we had vv similar tastes in anime + yap abt math and/or anime. and i thought that J and this guy — i'll call him R — were the same, or similar, idk.

the first time i talked to him. it was around october-november and midterm exams were around the corner. we had a long quiz on calc and we needed to prepare and everyone was revising each other, collectively agreeing to help out each and everyone. i was in front of the class writing on the board with some formulas and talking to the Smarties /gen when R kind of watched us, and stood beside me for a few minutes and asked me if i could tutor him. we did. i sat with him and taught him until we arent revising anymore and before i knew it - we were yapping abt ourselves and we just- clicked. i never fucking knew he'd be THAT talkative. he yapped a LOT enough for me to instantly got to know him better. from then on, i made a habit to sit beside R and J every chance i get. and before i continue, i would like to make it clear that it was all very platonic.

i was with a cosplayer back then. i never thought of R beyond anything like that. R and J and me were like the weird trio in the corner sometimes. often bickering or laughing our asses off. they're both very great guys. they tell me stories about themselves and they let me ramble abt my stupid hyperfixations on breaktime.

but then as days pass. i often get the feeling that people are perceiving me and R in the wrong way, particularly my classmates. J here is the victim, receiving weird questions from my classmates, from "is kenji & R have a thing?" to "are they flirting?" and "they look oddly close to each other, did R/Kenji asked each other out?" and its reasonable !!! we just suddenly went from strangers to buddies in just a day, so i didnt mind it. in fact i laughed when i learned this, who knew they'd be so curious abt me or R. then again, we were introverts who didnt seem like the type to be interested in that aspect.

around oct-nov, i was also in a lot of turmoil with my feelings for the cosplayer dude. the fact that we were long distance didnt help either. basically, he went cold and didnt talk to me for months. and then december, he decided to act like nothing happened and flirted w me until i couldnt handle it. the push and pull he did really fucked me up, to the point that i wrote too many poems abt him LMAOOO, after our christmas party. that night, cosplayer dude confessed for the second time and that he wanted to make things right. so we did start over. R supported me and cosplayer dude, he said cosplayer dude’s really cool for what he did, despite the months of being a jerk, he did everything to prove his conviction of a second chance is real and true. UNTIL, until… around the end of dec, that day when i was in a cosplay convention, i found out that cosplayer dude actually two-timed the whole time. those months of not talking were actually him being with another cosplayer, which i met on that convention and she never knew either.

fast forward. i cut cosplayer dude out of my life and went hiatus on cosplaying for a while. in january, i did nothing but drown in academics until got horribly sick on the day of finals of my first semester. i told R about what happened, and he threw all his opinions abt cosplayer dude out in the open all at once, how he never liked him the moment i said cosplayer dude said the three words (ily) the day after he confessed (he said it was too early and awkward to be saying that, which i agreed). how his hot and cold behavior were already a sign of a red flag, which i ignored- and which R told me to be more careful from now on.

R’s dating history werent unknown to me, ever since we were friends, hes very open abt his experiences in general, which he stated that it shaped him and his priorities into a solid state and his goals became clearer to him. i wondered, how is this guy keep checking each boxes and yet i never saw him as some romantic figure at all? ah, maybe its bc i was so hung up on the cosplayer dude, maybe its bc i got attached to dickheads for too long to notice R or J.

after finals, we still had one hurdle to finish off before sem break, and that was a dance contest as we fight against every strands. each and every one of them. mind you i was not a good state. my temp was going nuts. i was dehydrated. and just overall beaten up. i could’ve called quits and just rest at home, but i didnt want to.

as we were waiting for our turn, i told R who’s getting ready beside me, i wanted some water. his water bottle’s empty, and then he didnt hesitate to walk towards the stairs and urged me to join with him. what for???? he said he’ll buy me water, which is embarrassing bc i had money and yet he didnt want it >:(

that time i thought, he really cares for his friends. he doesn’t have that much, and i think i was feeling grateful that i met him and we became good friends.

february, still platonic !! i think that was the month where we didnt get to talk much, but uhh i gave him chocolates, if i remember correctly?? along with J and my bff and other friends. it was that time that im relapsing real hard ☠ i tried to divert myself as much as i can, but there was a short moment of me admitting it to R, J and bff late at night. i just couldnt handle it.

march, i was a bit okay. i didnt think abt cosplayer dude all that much anymore. me and R got closer, and one time we went back around the topic of our classmates speculating abt us. he said its actually an advantage, here, and i quote “if word spreads outside of our class, then people wont have to bother us anymore. cause they’ll think we do have a thing.” —> THESE ARE HIS WORDS!!

the reason for this being an advantage is bc, R is prioritizing himself. so am i. there, i said it. after his breakup w his ex fling last year in oct, hes been dead set on improving himself. he never talked or flirted with anyone ever since. and he went as far as to remove some of his friends on social media with which he no longer associates/vibe with. he rejected and distanced himself with girls who had (and still has) a crush on him. overall hes doing good in being committed to his goals, and with the speculation/ developing rumors. people dont bother him as much anymore.

i got to know him even better after this conversation. i said smth like “why is it an advantage for me too?”

and hes like “arent u healing? besides, things are getting better now that people arent pestering you, right? u seem, and i know u do, feel happy with how things are right now. this is a win-win situation for us.”

and i was like, well, seems he know me as much i know him too.

APRIL…TO MAY…

HOO okay uh. the moment you’ve all been waiting for. this is the time im questioning everything. i know im capable of liking someone right now. but i dont think i need a relationship. this, im certain. and im definitely happy with how things are, as R have previously stated.

WHAT IM NOT TOTALLY OKAY IS WHY….R????? WHY AM I SUDDENLY HAVING THOUGHTS OF HIM BEING CUTE…. WHY AM I IMAGINING HIS STUPID LAUGH, HIS HABIT OF SITTING NEXT TO ME OR RANDOMLY TALKING TO ME OR SENDING ME STUPID TIKTOKS OR IG REELS

WHY DO I FEEL HAPPY WHEN HE ACTUALLY WATCHES THE RECOS I GIVE HIM?????? ESPECIALLY WHEN HE SAID LOVES MASH AND ENJOYED WATCHING MASHLE????????

WHY NOW????????????

DUDE IMKDHFIUHSDE (im going to make a part 2… im not done yapping but im getting really sleepy rn so i’ll continue this tmrw, probably)