#the saddest most beautiful girl in the whole world

[teatimebanter]

jeanvic dump

[softtdaisy]

🌲 a found family l max verstappen

summary. you and max can't spend Christmas together but a trip to his dad and the love he has for you make him realize that he deserves better. a better life. a better love. a better family.

words count. 2,596

a/n. and this is the last piece for this Christmas series. Thanks to all of you for sticking me through December. and a massive thanks to my favorite person @monzabee for encouraging me and for giving me this beautiful idea to end the series 🫶

a very angsty Christmas l masterlist

You looked absolutely gorgeous, wearing a dress Max had bought you this year during one of your holidays. One of the many gifts he did to you this year, because if there were one thing that could describe your boyfriend it would be his generiosity. That man could buy you the world if you wanted it. 

And that was maybe what was making him the saddest tonight.

He could see you wearing it and neither could he offer you his gift. 

Because you were not spending Christmas’ eve together. But in each other’s family.

“You know this look is a great excuse to skip the diner at my dad’s?” Max asked which made you laughed. He was still sit on your bed, his shirt barely closed and his hair absolutely not styled. He was the closest to his place, compared to you who had to drive for almost two hours. 

He watched you as you walked to your phone, that you had put on your wardrobe to show your whole look. “You’re such a flirt, Maxie.” you kept laughing, specially when he started making his poutty face that you absolutely love. You always found it funny how most people saw him as this arrogant guy when he was such a sweetheart. 

“Ain’t I allowed to flirt with my girl?” 

“You are. It’s a shame you won’t enjoy the result of this flirt tonight.” 

This hasn’t been an easy decision for either of you. It’s was only your first christmas together since you started dating on january. And you really wish you could have spend the evening together. But you learn one thing through this past year: never go against Jos Verstappen’s plan. 

From the first race you attended, you got the feeling Jos didn’t really appreciate you. You tried to talk about it with Max without making a whole drama out of it but he didn’t really react. Or say anything, actually.

Not that Max didn’t care. It was even far from it. He just didn’t know what to do. He never talked about his personnal life with his dad and it wouldn’t be a first now. Specially not with these type of question. Max always assumed that his father only care about his racing career. It couldn’t be that bad if he wasn’t interested in his son’s couple. Right?

“I have to go” you told Max, who was lost on his thoughts. He enjoyed for the last few seconds to sight of you before you had to hung up. “Call me if you need, alright?” 

“Even if I don’t need it.” he laughed before letting you go.

Every time he had to say goodbye to you, on the phone or because you couldn’t follow him for the next race, Max felt a little hole in his heart. He never thought one day he’ll met someone that could complete him like you did. 

That’s all he thought about until he arrived at his dad’s place. All the thing he wanted to do with you before the new season starts, where he would take you during the holiday, which races you could be there and what places he wanted to show you during these weekend. More than just happiness for your couple, Max realised how important you were for his anxiety. Before he met you, most of the time he had to drive to see his father, he was anticipated all the bad things that could happen. The critics, the disapproval, the yelling if they really did disagree on something. And the worst part was that, in the end, he was just living the nightmare before it happened.

And maybe it was the fact he didn’t think about all these things before arriving, but Max felt good when he arrived.

“Uncle Maxie!” And being around his nephew was definitely a good help.

For many years, Max never consider having children. The anxiety he developped because of his own childhood was a perfect argument to avoid trying. How could he give a child what he needs if he doesn’t know himself what a kid should have? He knew what he shouldn’t do, that’s all.

But these past weeks, from seeing his nephews and calling them, he realized that maybe it wasn’t such a bad idea.

And maybe, you weren’t for nothing in this change of mind.

“You’re shinny, uncle Maxie.” 

“Shinny?” he laughed, still playing with the little cars that represent all the Formula one drivers.

“Yep. You’re happy.” 

Max didn’t know what to answer to that. But then he felt two hands on his shoulders and a kiss from Victoria on his hair. “He’s right.” He turned around to look at her. He guessed that the look she had was just another proof that indeed, he was lookier happier. “It’s for the toast, come.”

It was some kind of tradition. Everyone had to say what they were grateful for at the end of this year. Kids, health, career… each other always revolved around these subjects. Max was not going to break the circle. Not today.

“Well I’m grateful for the amazing year I spend. Winning the championship again was more than I could expect at the beginning of the season. So yeah I’m grateful for the team, for the work we did to win the races and create such amazing memories all together.” 

Max stopped for a few seconds, thinking about what he could be grateful for. There was one thing, obviously.

If he met his father’s eyes, he wouldn’t have continued. But he didn’t. He looked at Victoria and her massive smile. 

“And I’m grateful for my girlfriend. I couldn’t have go through this crazy year without her. She’s my rock, she’s my best friend, she’s without a doubt my soulmate and I’m glad I could finally found the person I want to spend the rest of my life with.”

Max heard all the lovely and loudly sound from his family. And before he could notice her, Victoria was already in his arms, telling him how proud she was that he finally found the happiness he deserved.

Again, he could have focus on the good thing, all the congratulations and excitement about this new family member that they all couldn’t wait to meet. But this time, Max did saw Jos look on him. One that he sadly knew by heart: disappointment. 

At first, Max decided to ignore the situation and spend most of the evening playing with his nephews, pretending to be a car himself to drive them around the house. But he couldn’t escape the heavy atmosphere forever.

Max saw that Jos was sitting by himself in the living room, with a whisky in his hand. He hesitated, did he really wanted to break all the good vibes for a talk for his dad? And then again, he was too nice to avoid him. No matter if he knew he would end this conversation with some broken feelings, Max couldn’t escape it. Because if there was one thing he was sure about, it was that he never wanted to become like his father. A man that would rather ignore the people he love for the sake of disappointment. Silence was never the solution.

“So, how do we feel about new season?” Max asked, sitting next to him. If there was one subject they couldn’t really argue about was his career. Or at least, even if there was some disagreement, it wouldn’t end up badly.

“You have to leave her.” It was simple. Five words. Said with a hard tone. Like an order. “You’re already losing your man over that…stupid girl. You can’t let yourself fail for a woman, Max.”

Maybe he should have gone with the swerve, in the end. “What do you mean? I’ve been with her for a year and I still won.” He could have, maybe, understand if the season was a pure fail. But it wasn’t. The car was amazing and he won almost every races. There was not single doubt that not only you weren’t a burden but you were a motivation for him. It didn’t make sense. But still, Max knew where all of this came from. Because he knew his father.

“A woman is always a burden in a career.” 

“This is why you got married thrice?” It left his mouth without Max had time to notice it. Truth is, he got tired as he grow older of the need to think about his words. What could he say what he mean to his dad? Why should he still be afraid? “Trust me, you terrible at giving relationship advices.” 

“You should watch your mouth.” Jos replied, taking a stew towards his son. For many years, Max used to step back to avoid the confrontation. Not anymore.

Instead, he took at step towards too. “You should watch yours. I won that fucking championiship, again. And you can’t even congratulate me? All you think about is the woman that want to spend her life with me? Not you, me.”

He noticed the change, again, in Jos look. It was getting darker and darker, like his anger was taking over himself and he was close to not be able to contain himself. Usually, Max was scared of the moment he would explode. There was just one change in his mind. You.

Max could accept any criticism about his career or life choices, he didn’t care. It was his life. Sometimes he might be wrong and he could deal with his dad saying that he warned him. He was still young and could deal with some mistakes.

But there was one thing he could never let Jos critcize or give his opinion on it: you.

“I won’t let you ruin your career for some stupid woman.” Jos got the time to grab his wrist. Max hated feeling like a child, all over again. Looking for his dad approval. 

Expect that this time, he didn’t want it. “Fine. It’s my career. I don’t need your opinion.” he managed to free himself and was already leaving the room. He couldn’t continue this without letting it become some shit show. No matter the situation, his family didn’t deserve it. Specially not on Christmas eve. 

“If you don’t leave her, then i’m not supporting you anymore.” 

Max stopped in the middle of the room. He heard the sound of a glass falling in the kitchen sink. He heard the sudden silence in the children’s playroom. This was the results of year of fighting for Jos seeing him as an equal, as a real driver and not a child who wants to grow older and be consider an adult. This was the results of feeling like his dad loved him.

Max was hurt. But he couldn’t fight anymore. “Fine.” he didn’t turn around, didn’t want to look at his father. It wasn’t the idea of seeing him. It was the idea of Jos seeing how bad he broke him, again. “I’ll do better without you.” 

The silence was still everywhere when Max walked to his sister to kiss her and said goodbye to his nephew. It was for the better, he knew that he wouldn’t be able to fight if they asked him to stay. But Victoria knew his brother, and what he deserves was to be in a place where he felt loved. 

And there was one where he knew he would never be ignored and rejected.

When you opened the door, you imagined different scenarios. But never one where you would see Max on your doorstep. “Baby?” you asked with confusion, almost like you were sure he was real.

“I’m sorry, I should have called, I know i wasn’t invited but…” he didn’t need to continue. Because you recognized the look in his eyes. One you sadly saw before. When he argued with his dad on the circuit and you couldn’t do anything than holding him in your arms. Telling me it would get better. That he wasn’t alone.

That was the only truth Max needed. He was far from being alone.

So you offered your hand to him. “Come in baby.” you noticed the little hesitation in his look, on that sadden you. It wasn’t that Max didn’t want to come in. It was a pur fear of opening his heart to you and losing you after. It didn’t last long, because he knew deep down that you were here to stay. But you were scared that this was a kind of thought that would never leave his mind.

You gave him a small and simple kiss on the lips, a kind of silent promise that you were supporting him. It wasn’t much, but it was more than Max even asked for. He was so not used of being understood and loved, this simple attention was enough to light up his heart again.

“Sweetie, who’s th… Oh Max! What a lovely surprise!” 

You were interrupted by your dad who almost push you away to take Max in his arms. You weren’t surprised. First, because your dad was a very lovely and tactile person who couldn’t resist this type of greeting. Second, because he appreciated Max so much, he was probably the one praying every day for a wedding. Third, because he had been asking you all night why you didn’t bring him. 

But Max, on the contrary, was more than surprised by that. Was he really that happy to see him? “Come in, you’re getting cold. Did you eat? We have…” you didn’t even hear the rest of the sentence that your dad had already pulled Max to the living room. Your boyfriend just had the time to turn around and give you a curious look. To which you replied with a smile. It felt right to see him being appreciated and treated like he should.

All your family spend the night talking to him, asking questions and making him feel like he was home. That was the truth, actually: this place was also a home for him. It was yours. And your family already considered him as a part of it. There was no reason for Max to not be a full member. 

It wasn’t until you got to bed, in your bedroom, that he let his mind speak. You were laying on his chest while he was looking at the ceiling and caressing your hair. It was relaxing for both of you to stay in silence after the crazy night you had. 

“I’ve felt much more at home here in a few hours than in all my life with my dad.” Max said slowly, in a whisper.

You turned your head just enough to look at him while he was still focused on his thoughts. You were making a whole speech in your head to make him feel better. You had no idea how he felt about this. This must be such a strange situation to feel more loved by your family-in-law than your own. 

But then he put a kiss on your hair and started to smile. “Thank you.” he whispered, like he was scared to be heard by anyone else. “For finding me and for loving me.”

You could feel your heart melt at this confession. “Thank you for opening your heart to me.” you replied. 

And you stayed like that for a good minute before you made a debrief of the whole evening here. When you both fell asleep, you realised you had the greatest gift you could ever dream of. Happiness in the arms of your loved one.

[aspoonofsugar]

Weapons Ever After

In the story, Alyx fell from the sky and met with the Hunter Mice, got trapped in vines, fought the Jabberwalker and got her knife stolen by a Talking Racoon.

Alyx too gets her weapon stolen by Jinxy and has to offer both her saddest and happiest memories to get it back. In other wrods, she needs her whole self to find her knife once again.

This ties with something we have known for a while now:

Just weapons? They're an extension of ourselves! They're a part of us! Oh, they're so cool.

Weapons are symbolic of individuality, so it makes sense their price is a part of the person themself. Not only that, but what happens to them is indicative of what is going on with their user's inner world.

This is especially true for the Atlas Arc, which opens up with RWBY + JNR all receiving power-ups:

The teams' weapons are modified and enhanced because the kids are growing up. And yet, by the end of the arc, they all lose their weapons or have them damaged because of their crushing defeat at Cinder's hands.

Let's analyze each character and how their weapon comments their arc in the current volume.

BLAKE - SELF-REPAIRING BOW

Gambol Shroud describes Blake perfectly:

gambol means to move around playfully

shroud is a cloth used to cover things up

This name refers to our cat girl's tendency to run away (gambol) and to hide her true self (shroud). Initially, she herself is a little bow that moves around. As her arc unfolds, Gambol Shroud comments it faithfully.

Like its wielder, it is broken by Adam, but even if fragmented it keeps being useful and flexible. Blake has its pieces turn into a gun, a hook, a cleaver, a whip. They still work well enough to kill Adam:

Blake is hurt by her ex-partner multiple times, but she is strong and resourceful enough not to let it define who she is. She is more than just her relationship with her abuser and is made of multiple wonderful parts. Just like Gambol Shroud is a katana, but also 2 swords, but also a sickle and his sheat can be used to steal an opponent's weapon. It is as variegated as Blake herself is.

In Atlas, Gambol Shroud is fixed with a technique similar to Kintsugi. This method uses powered gold, silver or platinum to mend breakages, so that they become part of the beauty of an object, rather than something to disguise. This is Blake's development in a nutshell: she accepts her past mistakes and shows a brand new self with no shame.

Blake and Gambol Shroud go through a process of death and rebirth and learn how to heal. Maybe this is why she seems to whitstand her defeat and fall slightly better than her teammates. She has built the inner mechanisms to keep moving forward without being completely crushed.

Similarly, Gambol Shroud is burnt by Cinder, but this time the damage doesn't reach its core. Not only that, but the weapon keeps being used even after Blake's fall. It briefly becomes a memento for Weiss, who wields it as if she were holding the hands of her teammates:

Poignantly Blake finds it rather easily in Ever After precisely because Weiss has an idea of where it may be.

So, Gambol Shroud becomes symbolic of Blake's relationships with her teammates (Yang and Weiss especially). This is interesting because Blake is currently trying to guide the group and to keep it together.

Finally, Blake has to face the Hunter Mice to get her weapon back:

Mouse Leader: And on this day, we were not the prey, but the hunters!

Isn't it amusing that a Huntress's weapon is used as bait by a bunch of mice to trap a cat? Maybe the Ever After is trying to challenge Blake and her friends on what being Huntresses truly means and how it is easy to turn from hunter to prey, from human to monster.

YANG - DISARMING LOVE

Ember Celica convey Yang's many layers:

they appear as bracelets, as Yang is an eye-candy hot girl

they turn into gauntlets, as Yang is a hot-blooded fighter

they become asymmetrical, as Yang loses an arm because of her hot-headedness

This last point is the most important and the focus in Ever After.

Little: Steal? Never! They just take the things we are not looking at. Fair is fair.

According to Little, Jinxy doesn't steal, but takes things which are not looked at. In other words, they go after whatever is neglected. It is then meaningful they choose to collect Yang's arm of all things. After all, our Goldilocks has had her arm stolen twice now and both times for the same reason. She loses an arm because she protects a loved one.

In Beacon, Adam cuts her arm off when she tries to save Blake. In the Ever After, Jinxy grabs her prosthetic when she is consciousless after protecting Ruby. This is probably why the price to get it back is:

Jinxy: Knowing what it is to feel loved. A fair price for some, I'd say.

Jinxy's request can mean 2 different things for Yang's character:

Yang lost her arm to save both Blake and Ruby's lives. Then what if she did not do it? She may still have her arm, but maybe Blake and Ruby would be dead. Is Yang ready to sacrifice her loved ones for her arm?

Yang is ready to jump into harm's way for Blake and Ruby. Does she do it because she loves them or because she is scared they would not love her back if she doesn't? Is love that needs her to give an arm for others true love?

This is the conflict the auction lies out for Yang. It makes sense for her not to give up on the feeling to be loved for a mechanical arm, right? And yet, why should she leave behind her arm so that she can be loved?

What is the right choice? And is there really no other choice?

As you can see, Jinxy's words highlight Yang's complex. She unconsciously sees love as conditional:

Yang: Do you… think she thinks less of me… for not helping out with Amity?

What if Blake stops loving her because they disagree? What if Ruby gets hurt in Mistral while Tai is looking after Yang? Would Tai love her any less?

In a volume which is clearly going to explore Yang's relationship with both Ruby and Blake this complex is bound to surface. Only in this way she can start working through it.

WEISS - EMPTY FLOWER

Myrtenaster represents Weiss's duality:

It is a sword because Weiss is a knight

It works like a wand because Weiss is a magical girl

She is warrior and queen, male and female, anima and animus. At the same time, her weapon also shows her ice and sugar personality. It is apparently stiff (gray) and rigid, as it doesn't change form. Inside, though, it is full of colors and can be used in multiple ways thanks to Glyphs. Similarly, Weiss appears cold, but has a rich interior world, made of dreams and feelings.

This double side of Weiss can be found even in Dust, which is the key element of her fighting style. Dust represents Weiss's versatility, but also the privilege she was born in. And yet, the latter is gone right now:

Weiss: It's... it's all gone... There is nothing left for me to go back to.

And Weiss is out of Dust:

Weiss: Well, good news, I’m low on Dust.

For better or worse Atlas and the SDC are a big part of Weiss's life, but they are both gone. In this situation, it is interesting Weiss is the only one who so far has not lost her weapon. This can be read in 2 different ways:

Weiss's identity has grown strong enough not to be tied to Atlas and the SDC anymore. Obviously, she is shaken, but not completely broken.

Weiss is currently clinging to an empty vessel of herself. This may be why she thightly grabs Myrtenaster the moment she admits how much she lost:

Should she do it or should she just let go?

This conflict may tie with Weiss's weapon being the only one, which doesn't get modified in Atlas. It is because Weiss's fighting style is already perfect, but there may be another explanation. Weiss doesn't change in Atlas because she already has all that Atlas has to offer. Her real challenge is then to transform now that Atlas is gone. She is empty, but by letting go she can re-invent herself.

JAUNE - BREAKING DEATH

Crocea Mors is linked to legacy in 2 different ways:

It is an object Jaune inherited from his great-great-grandfather, so it symbolizes the Arcs' history

It is later modified by using Pyrrha's metal, so it comes to embody what Pyrrha represents in Jaune's life

So, Crocea Mors is two legacies combined. Two people Jaune wants to become more similar to. At the same time, it parallels Jaune's development. As he grows, the weapon changes, as well. It is introduced as a lame hand-me-down, but both its attack and power (Mistral) and its defence and versatility (Atlas) get enhanced. Basically, as Jaune's identity becomes rounder and rounder, so does Crocea Mors.

It slowly transforms into the perfect weapon for a Knight. A sword and a shield ready to fight for the people. And yet, in the volume 8 climax, Jaune uses it to kill Penny. So, Jaune's identity as a Knight shatters, just like his sword.

What now?

If Jaune is indeed the Rusted Knight, then it may be he is stubbornly clinging to an already broken identity:

Curious Cat: Time changes, you know? And so do we when it's our time to change, don't you?

In order to evolve, you must accept death,grief and destruction. Only if you do, you can be remade.

At the same time, the idea of a Knight trapped inside a rusted armor ties with Jaune's metal motif. In alchemy there is a scale of 7 metals: lead, tin, iron, copper, mercury, silver and gold. The objective is to transform the lead into gold. This is Jaune's arc in a nutshell.

He starts off as lead. He is inexperienced, ignorant and unrefined, but then he meets Pyrrha. Pyrrha is already gold by the beginning of the series. Hence why her golden armor, which contrasts with Jaune's white and gray one:

Not only that, but Pyrrha's semblance is literally about manipulating metals. So, she sees Jaune's raw potential and decides to turn the lead into gold. She is the one who starts the process.

After her death, Jaune keeps on evolving:

He goes from lead to tin in Mistral, when he changes his armor

He strenghtens his sense of self and blooms into iron in Atlas, where he also gains more golden details

However, he then kills Penny, who represents the properties of Copper (love and beauty)

As a result, I would not be surprised if he were now stuck. Symbolically trapped inside an armour because he can't stop being iron, while he should keep on going to reach gold. In order to change, though, he should face what he has done and let go of his current knight identity. It used to fit him, but has right now grown too small, just like his previous armor. It may be time to look for something else.

Speaking of which, isn't this golden woman interesting?

As @blue-cheeseinmyoffwhites noticed she is a blacksmith and may be the reason why Jaune is trapped inside an armor. In general, the idea of a golden woman, who is also a blacksmith (aka that works metals) reminds me of Pyrrha. Since Little may be in the story to help Ruby face her grief over Penny and her child-self, then this woman may have a similar function for Jaune. What if she is there to help him work through his guilt over Pyrrha's death and his hero complex?

We'll see how it goes, but so far Jaune is the only one whose weapon has been shattered and this might be his chance to build it anew. He might even make his own weapon instead of relying on someone else's legacy.

NEOPOLITAN - SELF MADE PARASOL

Hush represents who Neo is: Hush is a parasol that can be used as a shield and with a blade inside. It is the perfect weapon for a student of an Academy that superficially teaches girls how to be ladies and secretely trains spies. It combines the elegance of an accessory with the lethality of a weapon.

At the same time, Hush is clearly complementary to Melodic Cudgel. The former is a silent blade, while the latter is a flashy and noisy gun. The former is Neo’s message to the world to shut up. The latter is Roman’s enjoyment of the pain of others that sounds like a melody. So, Hush is perfect for the partner in crime of Roman Torchwick.

It is a weapon that fits both Lady Beat’s spy and Roman’s friend. The point is that Neo can’t keep being both. She can’t keep being Trivia Vanille and Neopolitan. She must choose.

Neo's parasol is symbolic of Neo's real self and it combines her many layers. It is also something Roman gifted her with, so, together with his hat, it is part of his legacy to her. Just like Neo herself is Roman's legacy. She is a person Roman loved and helped grow. The key to overcoming her grief is for Neo to realize this. Yet, she can't and maybe this is why she doesn't look for her weapon, but simply makes a new version of it by using her semblance (or so it seems tbh).

This may very well be because Neo is not trying to change or to self-reflect, but is projecting her anger and sadness over other people. This is why she immediately transforms into the 2 people she hates the most: Ruby and Cinder. Then, she lets her semblance out and... be it because it naturally evolves or be it because of the place she is... a tons of Neo immediately pop up...

And yet, who is the real one?

The Ever After may be at the same time the best and the worst place for Neo, right now. It is the best fit for her semblance. Overactive Imagination is about projecting the inside out, after all. It is about letting everything she represses take a real shape in the outside world. So, it makes sense that the Ever After amplifies its effect. However, letting our emotions go rampant without filtering them may lead to a disaster.

Symbolically, Neo may very well lose her real self. Just like she has lost her weapon and is replacing it with an illusion. Will Neo find herself again or will she stay in the Ever After forever?

(On an unrelated note, I am looking forward to how Neo's semblance is going to influence the Ever After:

Like, are these shadows all "characters" Neo creates? Is she gonna materialize the younger Ruby illusion on the bridge? Does it mean her semblance has evolved so that now her illusions can talk?

If Ruby and the others are stepping into the role of protagonists, then Neo may very well be using her semblance to step into the role of a writer:

I would not be surprised if she conquers the Ever After, at least temporally. It would be fun to see if the Ever After conquers her in return.)

RUBY - GROWING MOON

Crescent rose means "A growing-up Ruby". After all, Ruby herself is a rose (Ruby Rose) and crescent means "to grow up". So, her weapon describes Ruby herself: a young child, who grows up stronger and stronger... or does she?

It is obvious Ruby is not a smiling growing up child anymore. But then, who is she? There is no answer and this is why Crescent Rose is still missing.

Apart from this, Crescent Rose is interesting because it is one of the many things that tie Ruby to the moon. After all, the moon has 3 phases (well, 4, but we only need 3 :P):

Crescent Moon

Full Moon

Falling Moon

These 3 phases are linked to the life of a person. The crescent moon is youth, the full moon is maturity and the falling moon is old age. So, Ruby is a crescent moon (crescent rose) because she is still in her youth.

An interesting thing is that all these ideas are expressed by the so called Triple Goddess:

The Triple Goddess is a deity archetype revered in many Neopagan religious and spiritual traditions. She is viewed as a triunity of three distinct aspects or figures united in one being. These three figures are often described as the Maiden, the Mother, and the Crone, each of which symbolizes both a separate stage in the female life cycle and a phase of the Moon.

Guess who is an example of a Triple Goddess?

Exactly, Trivia/Hecate is often considered a Triple Goddess :P And when she falls together with Ruby, she very conveniently turns into 3 people: Oscar, Yang and Penny.

Neo is supposedly Ruby's mirror, so these three characters should not only be important for Ruby's arc, but also represent part of who she is. As for now, several interpretations are possible. For example, Oscar, Yang and Penny are the protagonists of Ruby's major conflicts in the last 3 volumes.

In volume 7, Ruby and Oscar have a disagreement over telling or not Ironwood the truth. In volume 8, Yang decides not to follow Ruby's leadership and to take another path. So far, volume 9 focuses on Ruby's feelings over Penny's death. All these conflicts have built over each other until Ruby can't ignore them anymore.

They can also foreshadow future focus. Right now, Ruby is struggling with Penny's death, but later on she may also have to experience a shift in her and Yang's dynamic, as Yang enters a relationship with Blake:

Weiss: About time. Ruby: About time for what?

It may be nothing, but it is interesting Ruby seems oblivious to Bumbleby's clearly blossoming romance.

Similarly, once RWBY + J goes back, Ruby might share some focus with Oscar, since the 2 of them have clear parallel arcs.

Finally, these 3 people might also represent past, present and future:

Oscar is waiting for Ruby outside, in the future. Maybe this is why in this shot, Neo gets far away from Ruby when she transforms into him. He is a person, who did not fall and one of the loved ones, who are looking forward to Ruby's return.

Yang is with Ruby in Ever After. Neo closes up on Ruby, when she looks like her sister. Yang is a person who fell with Ruby and who is sharing her journey to go back home.

Penny died. Neo goes behind Ruby while being Penny and tries to drag her down. Penny is a precious friend, who is now lost and also a symbol of Ruby's inner child.

Whatever the case, the metaphor is clear... all these conflicts and Ruby's past self are dragging her down. She needs to face all what is repressed to climb back up.

Maybe this is why even before Ruby can start looking for Crescent Rose, she has to solve her feelings over another weapon:

Penny's sword symbolically works as a mirror for Ruby. By taking it, Ruby has the chance to grieve, to let her feelings out and to look at who she is. And yet, a couple of minutes after getting it, she is already moving forward. She is stepping into Alyx's role and getting a new purpose. Not only that, but her whole plan revolves around giving Penny's sword away.

The meaning is clear, Ruby is still not ready to let all her grief out. She chooses to ignore it and to start moving again. And yet, we know the sword is coming back for her:

Who knows? Maybe, just like Pyrrha's metal, Penny's jade sword is going to get integrated into Ruby's weapon or attire, as well. As stated above, we have a blacksmith, after all.

What is sure is that Ruby can't hope to find Crescent Rose until she decides what to do with Penny's sword.

THE AUCTION - ITEMS AND PAYMENTS

Little: Hugs are very valuable!

Let's go back to the Auction. Jinxy is presented as a thief and as a crook. However, I think the story makes clear there is a meaning to their actions. Specifically, Jinxy looks after things people disreguard and makes them look valuable, so that people would try to get them back.

At the same time, Jinxy's prices are nothing, but what the person truly needs to get what they want. The price is the truly important thing in Jinxy's auction, not the item, which is a fake anyway.

The first item looks like a bunny made of diamonds, but it is actually a small mouse like Little. It is then a representation of the child self. And what should one do with a child-self, if not to hug it thightly and nurture it?

Let's look then at what Jinxy asks our 2 sisters:

They ask Yang's feeling of being loved in exchange of her arm. They do not ask for the love Yang receives, but for her inner perception of it because it is unhealthy. Yang will always sacrifice parts of herself in exchange of affection, unless she lets go of the idea love is conditional. She needs to build a new idea of love or she will keep on losing pieces.

They ask Ruby's hope in exchange of Penny's sword. This is because Ruby needs hope in order to overcome her grief over Penny. It is meaningful Little steals the doll, so that it can reveal itself to Ruby before she has the price to pay for it. Interestingly, she gets the sword, but still can't properly process it and gives it away 2 minutes later.

Ruby and Yang need to nurture their inner hope and self-love if they truly want what the 2 weapons represent aka a whole self.

[pinkpicket]

What's beautiful about you?

Okay uglies i hope u like this reading 🥰🥰🥰

And i know my aesthetic is ugly 💀💀💀 but I can't worry about aesthetic when i dont even know how to use this goddamn app 😩 like why is it so fuvking complicated😭😔

Also why tf is everyone in my readings so hot??? Im actually kinda offended rn 😩

1. I see you as someone very open, like you know how there’s people that are open about their opinions and thoughts without being afraid of being judged? Yes that’s what’s so beautiful about you. Like the type to not be silent about the mistreatment of someone only bc everyone else is or bc it’s not in ur advantage, almost like a truth speaker. The defender of the truth. Veryyy fair, i genuinly love this so much bc it reminds me of the type of people that stand up for the underdogs( id like to mention not just underdogs but anyone that’s the victim in the said situation even if the person in general is not a good person). And you absolutely have very good judgement, u dont get fooled easily u can see through liars and deceivers which explains why u stand up for the innocent bc u can detect honesty just as easily as u can detect deceive.

2. Your duality. Someone that can fall to the lowest of lows just to stand up again and try all over till u reach the highest of highs. But the saddest thing about this is other people cannot see this, they dont see the hardships u go through just to get to that (king) position. After all u r the “hot stuff” the successful almost too careless person to them, but baby they never see what u go through deep down, and all of this makes a very big portion of ur beauty. The beauty of a person standing so tall and proud only on inside to find a very vulnerable hardworking person.

3. A person with sooo many good qualities. Honestly idk if u know jungkook from bts, but that’s how u r. Like u have so many good qualities that i dont even what to mention, almost like someone that is just good with whatever they set their mind on ( personally to me this is the hottest thing in the whole world im not even kidding 😫🥵) u know how some just pick up something one day and boom they’re good at it? Lmao that’s u ( tbh very virgo energy). altho lmaoooo u can be just a bit insensitive but tbh that also makes u so hot, like damn mf can anything truly effect u negatively??? Or do u just keep winning no matter what? Lol biggg winner vibes. *** now whoever u r, hit me up bc 😈😈😈😈😫 damn baby***

4. Pfffff we got a playboy\girl 😂😂 ok u mf u kinda manipulative, ok maybe a lot. Like u can woo anyone if u really want to ( tbh u not the most dependable person if we being honest 😶 like u just wanna play after all ). This careless act( yes it’s an act i knowww🫢) of urs really makes u attractive to others. U really are one hot toxic mf? Aren’t u?

5. Ooofff. Strength that’s ur beauty. Have u ever met people that are just so strong but low-key? Yup yup that’s u. Like u know u strong and u dont need to prove it to no one. ur so gentle and patient but so strong, im actually amazed by how someone can maintain such balance 🥰 but im not surprised considering u have reasons to be like this. U went through a lot and people were not the nicest to you about it, there was no one u could’ve relied on so now u have become that person others can rely on. And not only they can be dependent on u when they’re not strong enough but u also do it so selflessly and lovingly. Im actually in love with u 🥹

6. Damn this is the big group huh? Okay probably some from group 5 will read this too bc i exactly got group 5 cards plus two extra( so remember how i group 5 are lowkey? This group is anything but lowkey 😂😂) cards. The only difference between the two groups is this group is not as gentle as the other one. This one is rougher, almost sharper ( i get snake vibes, you know like someone that was forced into so many bad situations that they finally were like fuvk it imma do something about this myself this time, and ever since they haven’t stopped. So snake vibes like a transformation that roughened your edges).

Ohhhh also I'll do a Whats ugly about u later on, so check that too soooo u know follow me so u find it later on 😈

Ok bye that's it yall hot but not as hot as me tho 🥰🥰🥰

[whippetcrimes]

I've committed a horrible crime against my poor little whippet. Sunday, the weather was really beautiful and we had the day off so we decided to go to the park. Well, there's a park we rarely visit with a path that goes all the way around a lake and it connects to the river too... Lots of wildlife. Well, because of traffic reasons along the way, Misty has only been once- we usually walk together on paved trails. All this to say, she was very excited to go on this walk. Lots of sniffs, lots to see. A dog who typically is done with walks and unmotivated after like. A quarter mile. We walked the whole trail and she didn't once want to stop or turn around. But. This trail was almost 6 miles long

She has been the saddest, most pathetic little baby creature in the entire world these past two days. She didn't leave her bed until noon today and two pm yesterday. Such a sad girl

[nayeonline]

'Midnights' Taylor Swift - Review

When Taylor announced her tenth studio album at the VMA’s, I was ecstatic. I have always appreciated and enjoyed her music, but it was only around the ‘Lover’ era where I became an official swiftie. This is my first ‘normal’ album rollout, and I didn’t really know what to expect.

Midnights is a thrumming hardwood pop record that sonically references the soul of ‘Lover’, with hints of ‘Reputation’ swirled in. While the lyricism, in my opinion, doesn’t quite reach the heights of ‘Folklore’ or ‘Evermore’, it’s still as poignant and poetic as ever. Jack Antonoff’s production continues to impress me, he seems to understand that in a Taylor song the lyricism is the star of the show - his production highlights and emphasises her vocals perfectly.

Let's take a more in depth look at tracks 1 through 13 - I’m going to cover the seven 3am bonus tracks in a later review, purely because this is going to be a long post lol.

Track 1 - Lavender Haze

The album opens with the mesmerising ‘Lavender Haze’, that lyrically describes clinging desperately onto the few moments of true bliss you get in a relationship. I adore the distorted cries that echo throughout the production, and I love how it later becomes a motif for the whole album. The song generally is very Euphoria, and it’s such a standout in Taylor’s album openers.

Track 2 - Maroon

Lavender Haze is a hard act to follow, but Maroon pulls through beautifully. This song is drunk in the corner of a party, mumbling your heart out into the ear of your lover. Taylor plays with crimson semantic fields in the chorus, and melancholy imagery in the verses, and Jack strings everything together with a resonant production.

Track 3 - Anti Hero

The first single of the album lyrically diverts slightly from the poetic tone of the previous tracks, and takes on a more comical, crude accent. The bridge describing her ‘laughing up from hell’ is petty and karmic and wickedly hysterical and the highlight of the song, and one of my new favourite Taylor bridges. Some other lyrics are questionable, but the song generally is fun, and defines self deprecating humour.

Track 4 - Snow On The Beach

This track, while it is slightly outshone by its surroundings, remains a gentle, enjoyable experience. It feels very Lana, which makes it all the more weird that she doesn’t feature very heavily on this track at all. The bridge is beautiful, and the chorus imagery is stunning, but the verses slip into forgettable territory.

Track 5 - You’re On Your Own Kid

Track 5s are famed for being the saddest on each album, but somehow this song explores a new aspect of sadness that has never been explored by a track 5 before - ignored devastation and the moment innocent faith in the world is lost. This song is a wakeup call, and feels like a teen girl’s most painful years all at once. The song ends with a pat on the head, telling you to accept the inevitable pain, and keep going anyway. In my head this is about Betty, by the way.

Track 6 - Midnight Rain

Midnight Rain is beautifully introspective and raw, and truly captures the perspective that you only gain at midnight in the corner of your room.

Track 7 - Question…?

Dry sarcasm oozes from the seams of Question, and the song describes a girl tired of her ex’s behaviour, tired of being mocked and ridiculed by his friends, tired of the fake smiles and gossip. The speaker revels in the plight of him, mocking how the tables have turned. It’s an imagery feast, but, like Snow On The Beach, is slightly eclipsed by its competition.

Track 8 - Vigilante Shit

This song is somehow more Reputation than Reputation. It’s femme fatale, it’s bisexual villain, it’s bad bitch. The bridge is languid and evil and perfectly compliments the verses and choruses. This should 100% be the next single, and I am desperate to see a music video for it. 

Track 9 - Bejewelled

Easily one of my favourites, her vocal colour steals the show. The way she says ‘shimmer’ and ‘nice’ is just perfection. The line ‘They ask ‘do you have a man?’ I could still say ‘I don't remember’’ is genius, and is one of the best lines from the entire album. ‘This is a more refined ‘I Forgot That You Existed’ and perfectly portrays confidence in spite of everyone else.

Track 10 - Labyrinth

Labyrinth is caught in the heat of the moment, Taylor describes an accidental love she didn’t see coming, or rather a love that she thought fell at the first hurdle that regained its footing and took first. It’s blissful and peaceful and happy, and it’s a pink blush on your cheeks.

Track 11 - Karma

Here it is folks, my favourite song on the entire record, the song I’ve had on loop since it came out. It’s perfect in every capacity, and the chorus is genuinely one of her best, potentially in her entire discography. I can’t describe how much I adore this song. To conclude, karma is my boyfriend.

Track 12 - Sweet Nothing

The spiritual successor and sequel to ‘Peace’, ‘Sweet Nothing’ is about appreciating a lover who expects nothing from Taylor but herself. It continues the themes of ‘Lavender Haze’, but here Taylor finds more success in enjoying the best moments of the relationship. ‘I’m just too soft for all of it’ is another favourite lyric from the album - it's simple yet pure.

Track 13 - Mastermind

‘I'm only cryptic and Machiavellian cause I care’ is another perfect line from this album, and summarises the song perfectly. The speaker overstates her manipulative tendencies apologetically, while unbeknownst to her, the lover knew all along. Mastermind is a song left speechless, and I love it. It’s perfect to end the album.

Overall, this album is near perfection. My favourite tracks include Lavender Haze, Maroon, Bejewelled, Vigilante Shit, and of course, my new reason for living, Karma. The aesthetics, the production, the lyrics, are all wonderfully cohesive and show that Taylor Swift truly has music creation down to an art. Easily a 10/10.

[kanna-kizuchi-enjoyer]

saiki k for fandom ask thingy!!!

• the first character i ever fell in love with:

Probably Kaidou, hes cool

• a character that i used to love/like, but now do not:

Not really anyone, I like most of them

• a ship that i used to love/like, but now do not:

Not much comes to mind but I used to like chiyo x kaidou more than I do now. Its still cool in my mind though

• my ultimate favorite character™:

Kuusuke!! obsessed with him

• prettiest character:

Kokomi Teruhashi, of course. shes the perfect pretty girl. she deserves the world

• my most hated character:

Makoto. I like him in fanon but in canon no.

• my OTP:

Makokuu!!! they are always in my head

• My NOTP:

Not much of anything unless its illegal

• Favourite episode:

episode 21 of season 1 or episode 10 of season 2. both are kuusuke episodes

• saddest death:

its a comedy show so no one dies

•favourite season

season 1. the dub is very funny

• least favourite season

none!!! loves the whole show. the netflix reawakened isnt as good though but its still good.

•character that everyone else in the fandom loves, but i hate:

I dont hate any of them but I dont really like yuuta that much.

•my ‘you’re piece of trash, but you’re still a fave’ fave:

kuusuke.

•my ‘beautiful cinnamon roll who deserves better than this’ fave:

mera and chiyo. they deserve everything

•my ‘this ship is wrong, nasty, and makes me want to cleanse my soul, but i still love it’ ship:

not really any of them

• my ‘they’re kind of cute, and i lowkey ship them, but i’m not too invested’ ship:

torisai and saikechi. also mikoto and kokomi.

[pebblysand]

Hi! How's it going? ok, I really hope you don't find this too weird, but that thing you said about Taylor Swift x Lily Allen the other day really resonated with me, and finally made me understand why I never loved lily's songs as much as I thought I should. It also got me thinking about some other things, and long story short I had a major breakthrough in therapy today because of it, so thank you! anyway, have a great week!

Oh wow! Anon, I'm so happy for you!! ❤️. Wishing you all the best 😊. It's wild to see the impact that music (and a small post on a tumblr about a random observation) can have. Sending you all the hugs and positivity in the world.

For the record, I'm absolutely not trying to convert everyone, but I thought that since I've been talking about her a lot, I'd make a list of my favourite Lily Allen songs. She's been a huge inspo in my life so for those who do connect (which, again, is absolutely not an obligation, if you prefer Taylor, that's great!), here are a few faves. Lily is a very political artist, so I'm splitting them up into two piles, feel free to pick and choose :). i've bolded my absolute top 5.

personal songs (romantic or otherwise):

friday night - my best friend says this is my theme song. i deny it.

littlest things - this is, like, the love song i listened to on repeat when i was a dramatic, heartbroken teenager

alfie - if you ever fancied/were curious about alfie allen in GOT, you should listen to this.

who'd have known - part two of songs i listened to on loop when i was a dramatic heartbroken teenager

chinese - this is actually about her mum but it covers as a love song. you can interpret it however you want but it's gorgeous.

silver spoon - this is the biggest fuck you to haters i've ever listened to. it's hilarious.

higher - this is the breakdown-of-her-marriage song, which also deals with her addiction issues, but from the point of view of her husband. this is one of those songs that i've listened to on loop while writing castles. it haunts me.

apples - another song about the breakdown of her marriage, and how it relates to her parents' relationship. this song also haunts me. i get chills every time i listen to it.

come on then - the chorus in this is worth everything. if you go on record saying that you know me, then why am i so lonely cause nobody ever fucking phones me?

pushing up the daisies - this is such a lovely love song. i've written fluff to this. it's hilarious and cute at the same time.

political songs (or other issues):

knock 'em out - about street/pub harassment and men who don't take no for an answer

everyone's at it - i stole a line from this in castles. it's about double-standards in the handling of drug addiction

the fear - this song came out in '09, and deals with the pressure of media/the internet. it's incredible (and sad) how relevant it still is to today's world. when i saw lily live in dublin, she played this song while a girl in one of the concert hall balconies spent the whole time staring at her phone. lily saw it. everyone saw it and started whispering at the irony. the girl never looked up from her phone and/or notice anyone looking. i think about this moment often.

22 - this is one of the saddest songs i've ever listened to. it's about loneliness and societal expectations.

him - this is about people who use 'god' as a justification for hate. it's one of the most beautiful songs i've ever listened to.

url badman - i always feel a bit bad recommending songs from sheezus because lily has publicly said she hates this album and had very severe mental health and addiction issues when touring it, but i really like this song. it's about internet trolls. it's lily's version of my post on arseholes on the internet.

trigger bang - this is about addiction. it's one of those songs i just cannot stop thinking about.

kabul shit - this is a political anthem against the war in iraq and afghanistan. we should have recycled and saved our resources, while they steal someone else's - someone call the armed forces. this has been a huge castles inspo as well.

fuck you - about right-wing people who hate on everything and everyone. lily and olivia rodrigo sang this at glastonbury this year.

LDN - lily's version of adele's hometown glory. a song about london

[snappleapple]

their favorite types of kisses

people in this - dream, georgenotfound, sapnap, wilbur, punz, jschlatt, awesamdude, quackity

headcanon!

the most disgusting fluff i’ve ever written

warning - cursing, i think that’s all but if there is more please do not hesitate to tell me :)

word count - 2k

a/n: okay okay, i might’ve lied earlier about that being my last post but this was short and easy to make which is why i would like to feed my readers this early haha. anyways, enjoy and please disregard the errors in this post, i hate proof reading anything lol. also, i’ve been very indecisive on the title and i might change it later and ooh, my masterlist will be made soon. i’ve just been feeling very unproductive these days. also, please put in requests, i am so bored and dumb therefore there are no ideas in this brain. and if you’d like a part 2, i might add more people for the part 2!anyways, peace!

dream -

i get the feeling that dream’s favorite type of kisses would be cheek kisses

he just likes to watch as you struggle to reach his height

“aw look at those little legs do their thing.”

ends up with you not giving him his kiss

and mans becomes SO pouty

“y/n…come on. don’t be this way.” :(

if you don’t kiss him on the cheek, will also become SO clingy and whiny

“why won’t you KISS ME!”

clenches his fists and stomps away like a teenage girl during puberty

slamming the door to your room

so then you have to go and give him all the kisses he wants

his face is slammed into your pillow

you sit on the side of the bed and pet his hair

leading him to stare up at you with puppy dog eyes

“i will give you all the kisses you want. so stop being so pouty, you big baby.”

will literally leave zero feet of space between you and him

taps his cheek to tell you he wants kisses

when you go on dates, will literally make you stand on your tippy toes to get his kisses

does not bend down at all and actually lifts his head higher to tease you

in other words, clingy but rude hoe

george -

george is a classic romantic

he loves just lip kisses

pecks or lingering ones

he doesn’t care

mans don’t need too many kisses

nor does he need to be too clingy

total opposite of dream and sapnap *ahem clingy ahem*

if he wants a kiss,

he will come over to you and get it

doesn’t get pouty if you’re busy

just waits patiently

doesn’t enjoy it when you interrupt him when he’s streaming so you do your own thing

when you’re watching a movie with him,

he will literally only stare at you with his cute smile

and listen to your every criticism of the movie

he likes to just peck your lips whenever he feels like it

and you’re just not surprised anymore

just likes to stare at your lips whenever you talk

overall, is very sweet but not to an extent with showing affection

sapnap -

omg

sapnap just vibes with neck kisses

it tickles his neck and he loves them

giggles when you pepper kisses along his neck and flushes a deep red

“y/n. stop.” giggles between each word

but when you do, becomes the saddest person in the whole world

“i was joking.” :(

when he’s streaming and he begins to miss you

would leave his room and find you just to get a kiss

just like dream, would get angry if you give him no kisses

“GIVE ME KISSIES!”

very amusing for you

and you love to tease him

“i don’t want to give you kissies.”

continues to stare at you with a large frown until you give in and give him kissies

lsg supremacy but i’ll get into this later hehe

you better give him kisses or you’ll be dealing with a very sad sapnap

sadnap :(

wilbur -

wilbur, wilbur, wilbur

what can i even say

total nose kiss guy

i bet he’ll boop your nose twenty four seven

asks stupid questions just to get your attention

“y/n?”

“yes wilbur?”

“is a hotdog a sandwich?”

“why-“

“boop.”

“did you just say boop while you booped my nose?”

if he’s streaming and you bring him a snack

he will hold your face still and leave kisses on your nose

not too clingy but not too distant

likes to be just right with you

if its snowy outside and your noses get red

makes dumb jokes about he is rudolph and you’re mrs. rudolph

just a lot of smooches from wilby

takes you to a lot of hidden cafes in the city

and while you read, he balances his head on his palm, staring at you in admiration

if you’re insecure about your nose, you legit can’t be around wilbur because he will go on a tangent about how beautiful it is

substantially, soft boy hours all day bro, besides when he gets mad then you leave the hormonal man tf alone

punz -

i don’t see a lot of punz on tumblr so here we go

punz loves hand kisses

not to an extent where he has a hand fetish

god no but just like

when your holding hands, he’ll occasionally pull your hand up to his lips and leave a kiss

lots of hand holding

and i mean lots

constantly gets mad fun of for being a simp but ignores those comments because he genuinely loves you so much

likes it when you play with his hair and messing it up

also likes to compare hand sizes with you

always has a hand on your thigh or your hand in his whenever he is driving somewhere with you

even when you go on dates, always holding hands

no matter how sweaty your hand gets, he will hold on

sometimes if he holds on for too long, you have to tell him to let go

“punz, my hand is super sweaty. lets take a break from the hand holding.”

would flat out decline so you would have to pry your hand out of his

he would also love it when you would kiss his hand

makes him feel all polite and precious LOL

would also wrap his pinky along yours when you walk together

he once came with you to a family gathering for christmas and was so SHY

shy boy held your hand for security while your younger siblings made fun of you

afterwards, when you were under a mistletoe, he kisses you on the lips before kissing you on his favorite part of your body,

your hand

c!jschlatt -

jschlatt is a whole mess

the first time you met, he confessed that he would hate you for as long as you lived because you made fun of his boots

now he says he still strongly dislikes you but you’re more tolerable

doesn’t like it when you make him soft and HATES it when he blushes

“why must you do this to me, mother nature?”

also “hates” it when you even touch him because he “hates” you

when he actually confessed to you that he liked you with his grumpy usual grandpa voice,

you kissed him on his forehead, after he bent down of course

he is an actual giant and threatens to squash you like an ant if he feels the need to

is an absolute monster to you but loves it when you kiss his forehead because it makes him feel secure and loved

likes to watch the wind blow through your hair and mess it up but gives you his hat because he like you being “all pretty and shit”

gets SUPER jealous when you hug children

like for example, when you went over to a family gathering at his house, his cousins came up to hug you

and when you let go of the child, the man child comes and lugs you over his shoulder

gets yelled at by his mom and gives her a sheepish smile before rolling his eyes and throwing you down on the sofa set next to him

his mom doesn’t approve of the way he treats you but you tell her its fine because he’s cute

when you are far from any type of civilization or in the safety and solitude of your own home, he wants kisses on the forehead

pointing up to it and bending down so you could reach it

“y/n, i only love you because of your forehead kisses.”

“you only love me for my kisses?” :(

“mhm.”

actually feels slightly bad

“and because of your personality.”

“thank you-“

“shut up. we don’t talk about this.”

in conclusion, give him his forehead kisses or perish

awesamdude -

sam just adores it when you give him jawline kisses

not because it’s basically the only place you could reach but because it’s a sweet gesture

sam is all about sweetness

i mean have you even seen this man on his stream

he likes to watch you while you have conversations with your friends

not in a creepy way but more like an adoring way

cause man does he love you

i mean not only does he love you but his whole family does

and when you’re alone with sam, you love to bury him underneath all of your love

“i love you sam!”

“no i love you more y/n!”

“NO i LOVE you more!”

“NO i LOVE you MORE!”

“SAM NO. I LOVE YOU MORE!”

“okay thank you sweet pea.”

leaving you a bit confused but happy that he accepts your love

when you cuddle, omg

he never stops peppering kisses all over your face and vice versa because your relationship is disgustingly fluffy

when he lends you one of his sweatshirts, you sure as hell better wear that shit out or else (i am leaving a blank threat here)

sam loves technology but you guys sort of have a system

a system that involves mailing each other love letters rather than texting them

you guys also go on a ton of walks just about anywhere

hand holding is mandatory even though you probably look like a child compared to him

just give sam lots of love and in return, you’ll receive lots of love

quackity -

mans cannot leave you tf alone

likes to do ANYTHING freaky around you

“i will follow you to the ends of the earth, mi amor.” or

“ayy, back off.” if anyone gets too close to you

messes with you twenty four seven and makes it his job to drive you insane

plays horror games at two in the morning for fun

and when he gets scared, hides in the safety of your arms

“mi amor. i’m scared.”

“shut the fuck up and sleep, alex.”

“okay.” shuts up quickly and snuggles deeper into the crook of your neck

loves you so deeply but HATES your cat

“look at that little dumb thing stare at me. you got a problem bro?”

your cat also HATES alex

scratches him all the time and hisses at him

if you think sapnap is babie, wait till you meet alex

“y/n he bit me!”

when you glance down, you don’t even see a scratch

“kiss my boo boo.”

wtf

“what boo boo? there’s nothing there.”

gasps as if you offended him

“this boo boo that your el demonio did to me.”

this man will do anything to get boo boo kisses

istg, you once found him provoking your cat to get some scratches

in alex’s mind, ouchies = kisses from y/n

always has ouchies from god knows where and shows it to you

even though you find it annoying at first, you grow used to it and it sorta becomes your thing with alex

alex is babie and you need to take good care of him :)

[emtornado]

Twenty Five Twenty One really laughed at our Pain

So we have a series with an amazing plot. A beautiful story to tell with characters you can’t help but love with your whole heart. There are real-world issues that are adding conflict. The story started with the pandemic, jumped to the IMF crisis and is at one of the saddest points of recent history— 9/11. Things suck but our characters are finding love, comfort and friendship amongst each other.

And then, everything goes to shit between the two characters we loved the most.

Honestly, I’m not even that angry that Baek Yi Jin and Na Hee do didn’t end up together. We all sort of called it by that point. We knew that these people would break our hearts. it’s not even the breakup that hurts it’s the fact that they are not in each other's lives anymore. A relationship ending is one thing but throwing away five years of unconditional love and support and friendship is just sad an depressing and this is basically the part that hurts most.

And then, I’m angry about the lack of closure.

Where is the conclusion with Kim Min Chae? What was going on with her that made her truly take up ballet again? They didn't give her character the importance she deserves. I mean we were getting the whole story BECAUSE of her. Because of her struggles and the way she was able to find comfort in her mother’s younger self. Where did her thoughts go? It started with a blending of Kim Min Chae’s life and Na Hee Do’s lives and their parallels, shown through the cut shots between the past and the present. And then finally the whole character’s arc and story were just abandoned.

Secondly, I’m angry about the adult Na Hee Do’s life in general. This girl created some of the best friendships in her teenage year, where she shared countless important memories with Seung wan, Ji Woong and Yu rim. Especially Ko Yu Rim. These two people have been best friends for more than 10 years. Where was Ko Yu Rim’s presence in Kim Min Chae and Na Hee Do’s lives? Where was Moon Ji Woong? Are they not friends anymore? Why? What happened? I mean considering Kim Min Chae’s lack of knowledge about Ko You Rim, you’d think that she basically disappeared from Hee Do’s life.

Which brings me to Kim Min Chae’s existence. Let's take the present time as 2022 (even though it gives more 2021 vibes). This kid had to have been born around 2007-2008. And yet, it's 2009 when Hee Do has apparently just gotten married. TO WHOM??? WHO’S KID IS KIM MIN CHAE FFS???? LIKE DID SHE JUST POP INTO EXISTENCE RANDOMLY? THIS MADE NO SENSE. Help me understand this one plot point.

What is going on with the rest of the characters, honestly? What was this ending where we got to know nothing about the other characters’ current lives? Do Yu Rim and Ji Woong have kids as well? Are they happy? What about Seung Wan and Baek Yi Hyun? What’s happening in their lives?

GIVE ME MORE INFO ABOUT NY OTHER FAVOURITE CHARACTERS FOR FUCKS SAKE!!!!!

Now let’s talk about Hee Do and Yi Jin. Just them. Since episode one there has been a gradual buildup of them overcoming anything and everything. He went away and they just lived on each other’s voicemails. They fought over everything but always resolved it because their relationship was important to both of them. It took precedence over everything else.

Now, of course, Baek Yi Jin was genuinely depressed after New York. And that's like a whole other thing I'm salty about because my poor baby was so fucking miserable and I can't change shit about this cuz it is *dramatic and heartbroken sigh* REALISTIC. Anyway, that is when, instead of showing their relationship crumbling, they should’ve had them talk to each other. Break down in front of each other. Blame each other and hate each other. 

And then finally, be there for each other. Because that’s what their relationship has been from the beginning, since they met for the very first time. They’ve been there for each other, helped each other grow and loved each other regardless of what was happening.

They’ve both broken each other’s hearts before. They have fucked things up unknowingly. They have been happy and sad together. And you’re telling me that after growing up together they couldn’t get over this one bump in their relationship? They couldn’t have told each other exactly what they wanted and worked together towards that goal?

Say Yi Jin stays in New York and Hee Do continues fencing for the next 8 years. Their phones exist. They both make quite a lot, especially Hee Do who has her own wealth that is to her mother. You’re telling me they couldn’t have visited each other? When Hee do had to go back from competitions, she couldn’t make a pit stop in New York and be with her boyfriend for those few precious moments? 

Bullshit.

These two have been too innovative and too in love to not do small things like this.

The fight in front of the bridge was the perfect moment for them to understand each other. Not even completely, just know that their love still exists and they can still be together if only they work for it. They say that the reason They couldn’t work out was because in the end, after Yi Jin got blinded by the world and his work, and Hee Do forgot to choose herself in her support of him, they both chose themselves in the end.

That’s not true. Please. They were both going through personal hardships and forgot to lean on each other because of how far away the other person seemed (not physically, emotionally. Cue Hee Do’s “my support isn’t reaching him anymore” line.) What could have been done was to show that they could choose themselves WHILE supporting each other. Because that’s what people do. Fuck, if a goblin and a human, an alien and a human, a North Korean soldier and south Korean heiress, and a king from another realm and a person from the other realm can figure shit out, two fools who’ve been there for each other for years can figure out a way to be together, this was bullshit.

I mean, they made a strong and amazing leading couple, where people cared more about them than the other couples, where each of them are facing their own hardships and overcoming them, but somehow can’t overcome the one and only time something goes wrong in their relationship. This was mendable and I will fight anyone who says otherwise.

If the show makers wanted to show realism, why couldn’t it be in the form of ‘relationships are hard. Love isn’t enough. You have to make an effort 24/7’? Because that is also the truth in life. Relationships are a lot of goddamn work and when they showed these two characters, who have always put in the effort just giving up like this—

That was the truly unrealistic part. The lack of effort being put towards saving one’s relationship.

Okay now, things that were not given an explanation or made no sense:

Kim Min Chae’s Father. Who the hell is it? What is all this mystery about? Give us a proper ending where this kind of information is given and gotten over with. What was the reason????

How does Na Hee Do have the picture of herself that only Baek Yi Jin has a copy of? Did he give it back to her? And then she put it in an album? Why?

Yi Jin’s father’s “You gave me comfort 10 years ago” comment when his boy was 22 at the time. Why ten years ago? What’s the significance?

Hee Do forgetting her school trip. The only school trip this kid went to and she forgot it? I still remember trips I took when I was in nursery. My mother remembers HER school trips. And this lady forgot the one trip she went to? How tf?  

Where and when and how did Hee Do’s mom see Baek Yi Jin in the current time? Why was it emphasised like that?

Kim Min Chae’s birthday. That’s it. I already spoke about that so like no point in talking about it again but you have to admit, it's annoying.

(And so many other things I’m sure I’m missing)

I know this stuff might seem irrelevant but I’m a writer. I write stories and books and scripts and if there’s one rule to writing, it's the fact that if something is mentioned in a story, then there’s a reason for it. You don’t mention useless shit. 

A character really likes strawberries? It’ll come back in some way. It has significance. Every word you write for your story building has a purpose and cannot be ignored. They mentioned certain things and never ever spoke about them again. That makes no sense. These things had absolutely no explanation and it annoyed the fuck out of me, honestly speaking. Like— what was the reason? Why would you mention it? I’m just really frustrated about this whole thing. It makes me angry as a writer, to be frank.

Now on to what could be a more plausible ending, if they wanted Na Hee Do and Baek Yi jin to one hundred percent not end up together, would be for them to explore their lives currently, show that Hee Do is happy with her daughter and current husband (who they’ve made Voldermort at this point. ‘He who must not be named’. Nonsense), shown Ko Yu Rim and Moon Ji Woong and Ji Seung Wan and Na Hee Do meeting for drinks or something, talking about their kids and life, missing Yi Jin, their mothers, their memories, literally anything. Then a shot of Baek Yi Jin also living his life the way he wants it to be— dedicated to his family and being happy with them.

Or in my opinion, The two fools figured shit out, lived their lives and got together when they finally could to have what they both wanted most in life— each other, love, family and a warm, happy life.

But no. They really gave us the best storyline with amazing characters and a love story to be remembered, only to give an unsatisfactory ending. The whole time, the story has been about people coming together and staying together despite the odds, and yet, it ends with them ending apart because they gave up. It's been about working hard to achieve your goals (and this is applied to all the characters) and then being successful one way or another.

I mean, look at Seung Wan. SHe left school and had an added burden, but she worked hard despite that and got where she wanted to be. Ji Woong came last in school but now runs a successful business. Yu Rim is making money and is happy in life. It's only Na Hee Do and Baek Yi Jin who had THAT ending. What was the point? To show that your youth can be amazing but adult life is looking back at memories of your youth and being nostalgic? I mean, what?

Throughout the story, they have spoken about overcoming hardships (career, life, circumstances, money, love and even friendship) and this is how they ended it. With the two leads not overcoming shit.

Honestly don’t know if I should recommend this to other people because the journey was so beautiful. The ending was absolute shit though. 

I understand that some of you may not feel that way, but honestly. I watched this Drama to feel good about existing, to see something that seems ‘impossible’ working out, something that gives me hope. But instead, I got an ache in my chest and a long post most people wouldn’t give a flying fuck about. 

Yay.

[turnerchic]

SHADES OF COOL

alex turner x reader

summary - ever since Alex had got huge with the album AM, his rockstar lifestyle had took over him.

warnings - drugs, alcohol, cheating

not proofread

"Alex?"

"what?" he said stumbling into your bedroom

it's 4am again. what's wrong with you

"did you have a nice night?"

"yeah, you know you should come out with us one time, experience it" he kissed you on your cheek

"experience what..?"

"being a rockstar" he laughed jokingly kissing your lips then falling back into bed, going to sleep

this had been your routine for the last 7month and somehow it wasn't getting better

---------------------------------------------------------

The boys were coming off stage from finished their Pinkpop (2014) show it had been successful

Alex worked the crowd however he wanted, he loved it the way the crowd did what he wanted

he wanted to make sure people, the girl knew he was the coolest, coolest rockstar with a now huge ego that you couldn't come around to understand

Alex was magical you admit the most magnificent man you ever met and that's why he was the one for you, but with the blow up of their album and the new fame it's like he came torn between being a good person and missing out on all the opportunities life could offer a man as magnificent as him.

In the club, as always you were sat in the corner watching him and how he moved, taking pictures with all the screaming women like he was a God

he lives for love

"Alex why are you doing this"

"doing what y/n?!

"drugs Alex..it's dangerous i'm worried."

"i'm fine y/n okay? completely fucking fine why do you stress yourself out over everything i'm fucking alright so stop worrying god!"

i cant fix him, cant make him better

Alex had become unrecognisable to you, ever since this whole album blow up, like he needed to impress everyone and live up to this rockstar image

doing the drugs, having the women lined up for you, partying every night etc

he had something to prove

it had become more important to him than you were, it's like he wouldn't care if you got up and left. more writing material right?

your heart is unbreakable

when you met Alex he was beautiful, he was soft with everything he did. careful, funny

this Alex was drunk all the time, high all the time, yet his lyrics were still the saddest thing you've ever heard

the old Alex he cared, a lot more than this Alex

this Alex had completely taken that away from you and now you watched the love of your life

as he now became a drunken coke sniffing rockstar and everyone around you seemed to love it

High, neglectful lover

You're crumbling, sadly

You're sadly, crumbling

"what's happened to our Al then eh?"

Miles sat next to you as you both watched Alex sign and still take pictures

"i don't know Miles"

"i mean having drugs...now and then it's not the worst thing in the world exactly..but Alex he's well" he laughed

"please speak to him y/n i mean it is dangerous what he's doing and i'm slightly worried and that's coming from me..he'll listen to you"

"i've tried he's long gone miles"

"...he'll come round"

But I can't help him, can't make him better

And I can't do nothing about his strange weather

Miles went back to the party and you gazed around the room for Alex

he was sat in the booth next to matt, slouched over head in hands

you got up and walked over to Alex, "Alex..are you okay?" you stood in front of him

"he's alright y/n just give him 5 mins he'll come round trust me" he laughed

Alex grabbed your hand with his head still in his other hand looking down

"i love you, you know" he slurred he sounded like he was about to fall asleep

He lives for love, he loves his drugs, he loves his baby too

"yeah.."

he

his hand dropped down and you walked out the club for some very much needed fresh air and a cigarette

you got out of the building and it was dark and cold out the streets were pretty empty but you still could hear the part still outside

lighting your cigarette, you didn't know what to do with Alex letting him go could either be the best or biggest mistake of your life.

you love him too much to ever let him go

but parts of you wished you were like him or felt like her wished, that you did the drugs and the clubs and this whole reckless act

He prays for love, he prays for peace, and maybe someone new

instead of someone who checked up on him every 10 minutes monitoring like...God it made you feel bad you were boring or maybe that just wasn't your type of fun

I wonder if any of the girlfriends before you and to put up with this surely not because you've seen blogs about him years ago, that's the Alex you wanted back

it made you jealous they all got the Alex you loved and now he's someone else

He lives for love, for women too

I'm one of many, One is Blue

you must've been outside awhile because your cigarette was finished and the shy somehow got darker

checking your watch, you've been gone 15 mins

throwing the remainder of the cigarette away and walking back in the club, yet again looking for Alex that was no where to be seen, making your way over to Matt "hey, have you seen Alex, where is he?"

he looked up, he looked pissed, "yeah..he went to the bathroom but hasn't come back yet"

"okay, thanks matt" huffing

you made your way over to the bathroom, squeezing past sweaty dancing bodies to the restroom door opening it

the music was as loud in here as it was out there "Alex" you called out

no surprise if he didn't hear you from how loud the music was blasting from the speakers

"hey have you seen Ale- slick hair, blue suit..jacket? you asked a woman trying your best to describe him

"oh him..." she laughed"youll- he'll be out there, good luck"

she pointed to a door with a green exit sign that lit up above it

you wanted to just get Alex and go home

you walked to the exit door pushing it open looking around, it was the back of the club because all the trash cans and were out here

it was cold.. why was he out here?

"Alex, where are you i wanna go-"

and that's when you saw him

and obviously this would be how you'd find him

she was sat on a ledge, her dress ridden up as he fucked her

god she was even moaning his name, pulling his hair

something that you did.

"Alex."

he turned his head his moment slowing and coming to a stop "y/n.." he breathed out putting himself away quickly

what was the point, he didn't care

i cant break through your world

"i'm leaving"

"y/n..i'm sorry-"

he sounded confused probably because of all the drugs in his system

"i'm going Alex, and i'll pack my stuff tomorrow"

you walked back into the party before he could say anything else

you got yourself outside the club, quickly walking away you didn't want Alex if he was to catch up to you, you walked on the pavement the only sounds were from pubs and clubs

you knew Alex cared but that didn't make his actions any better that he had just cheated on you.

and yet you still feel like it's your fault

and you know it's going to take ages to let him go

but you know you cant let him go why would you? and the state he's in is even worse

but he's just broke your heart

you didn't know how to feel about it

you were sad definitely

but you were tired, almost like you saw it coming

he was a rockstar

your phone buzzed in your pocket, taking it out

Alex.

more proof that he did love you he was just out of his head

another mindless shag that meant nothing for him

he'd never write a song about her

or that

he writes about me

because he loves me

and when he calls for me and not for you

but not enough.

"hello"

"y/n i'm sorry please i just got home please let's sort this out alright? i'm sorry, i love you you know that"

"i know Alex, i know, i'll be there soon"

you needed the call and got the closest taxi to you

you were silent the whole journey what were you going to do or say to him

slap him?

kick him out?

cry for him?

forgive him?

you already have

the car ride wasn't that long

which was upsetting it's like you needed more time before you faced him again

paying the taxi man and walking to the front door

obviously it was already opened.

"y/n, y/n.." as soon as you got in you heard him

and you saw his face

he'd been crying or had he been throwing up from the alcohol?

"i'm sorry okay y/n sit- coke to the bedroom we'll talk about it"

you followed him into the bedroom

"why"

is all you said to him there was much more to say

"i'm fucked okay i'm totally fucked i've-"

"been doing drugs?" you interrupted

"i already know Alex, everyone knows"

"everyone has known for the past 6 fucking month"

"ill stop y/n i lll stop-"

"i don't care Alex i don't care anymore"

"why are you stopping?"

"because you fucked someone else and if i didn't walk in i'd probably would of never found out and that means you've taken it too far"

he sat there in silence but i could tell his mind was racing

"i bet she didn't look after you when you came home in fucking states, you know how i stayed up with you all night to make sure you were okay, how i take care of you, did she?"

"No she didn't i don't know her"

"but you know me, so what was better about her"

"nothing nothing was better"

"why couldn't you just told me u wanted to go home. God Alex we could of had sex if you wanted too so bad"

"it's not that y/n"

"i know it's not that, it's this lifestyle you've got, world famous cool rockstar, parties in all the best clubs, has all the women lined up for him, snorts coke in the back of bars for fun, cheats on their girlfriend"

"you're bored of being good now that all eyes are on you, you want to live up to this bad boy persona the world made for you"

"Y/n please.."

"we cant Alex, we cant, i cant..and i know you don't want to"

"i do Y/n, please don't y/n i'm sorry" he stood in front of you begging

"we're not the same anymore Alex"

"you're not the same anymore, i'm me"

"and you're.. you"

"we're not us, we're not happy anymore".

Cause you live in shades of cool

and i don't.

---------------------------------------------------------

REQUESTS OPEN

[pennylaneforthoughts]

Okay but episode 4 from Mobius' perspective is literally the saddest thing if you let yourself think about it for too long.

Imagine you're Mobius and you have a huge massive crush on Loki, and by the end of episode 2 you feel like you've bonded so well, and you know, maybe there's a chance he likes you back. But then he betrays you, runs through that time door after Sylvie and everyone is telling you he's just yeeted out Like Always but you're like "No there's gotta be another explanation. We were friends. Really friends. We had something."

And then you find out that not only did he yeet after Sylvie, as you're dragging them through the halls, all they look at is each other, and it's not until Sylvie's down another corridor that Loki even pays you any mind or says anything to you. And you're just absolutely seething because of course everyone else was right. How could you be so stupid to think Loki could ever like you back? Hes a literal god. You're just some random guy, a bureaucrat. Of course he would rather be with some crazy, stab-happy version of HIMSELF than you.

And you feel so jealous, so angry, so unwanted you can barely think straight. But you still have to do your job even though you feel like this, so you lie and sneer and poke and prod because you're angry and hurting and a part of you wants Loki to hurt too. And then as you're interrogating him, you see him get all teary eyed over Sylvie, and you think, "How horribly painful and awful is this?" He'd cry over this girl after knowing her for less than a day, but he'd leave you without a care in the world. Not a goodbye or any sort of explanation. Would he even care if someone had told him you were pruned? Unlikely.

And you're so upset that even when Loki's yelling at you, desperately trying to make you see he's telling you the truth, it doesn't relieve you to see so clearly in his eyes that he's not lying, because those are the same eyes that you just saw worried over and crushing on Sylvie. So you slam your face directly into denial because how dare he? How dare he be honest now? And so you run away before you let yourself get sucked back in by those eyes, but it's too late, the damage is done. And even though you're angry and bitter and kind of wish Loki would just disappear, you can't deny he was being honest for very long. So you go and stick your neck out and investigate anyway, because you're nothing if not a lovesick fool, and even being angry at him isn't going to change that, no matter how much you try.

And if you're being honest with yourself, something really has been off about this whole thing, and Loki's rare honesty was the proverbial straw that broke your camel's back in this whole mess. After all, you've never been good at denying him when he looks at you like that. You were bad at it when he wanted to go to an apocalypse with you, and you're bad at it now. So you steal Ravonna's tempad and look for yourself. And where else could you go except to the archives where you and Loki had spent so much time together hidden away? It's only appropriate. And what you find just makes your heart sink.

Not only was Loki telling the truth, it's so much worse than either of you realized. Ravonna had killed C-20. And she had lied to you. And what beautiful, horrible irony that the person who was supposed to do nothing but lie was the one being honest, and your friend for nobody even knows how long is the one lying to you. Your whole world starts crashing down around you, and it's too much. You were already emotionally wrecked by everything going on with Loki. You didn't need this too. And oh God, the implications of it.

This means that everything you've done and said your whole known life has been wrong. And more importantly, it means you've hurt and killed for nothing. And that guilt just eats at your soul as you remember what you've said even just to Loki.

"You were born to bring pain and suffering and death. All so that others can be the best versions of themselves."

What have you done? How much damage have you caused? And it's this thought that spurs you forward. Because screw ideology. Screw glorious purpose. What even are those in the face of a person in pain, much less the person you've found yourself caring about more than anything else?

So you run. Almost on instinct. You run to Loki knowing exactly what memory you've looped him through out of bitterness and jealousy and spite, and you're praying you haven't caused irreparable damage.

"You deserve to be alone, and you always will be."

No, no, no, of course he doesn't. He has you. He'll always have you if you have any say in the matter. He has...

Sylvie.

You remember her. Them. The nexus event. And you have a theory. A theory you hate so much it makes you want to crawl out of your own skin and die, but it makes too much sense, and unfortunately, it could work. So as you step into the time prison, you ask.

"Do you really believe you deserve to be alone?"

And he says he doesn't know, but you can see he just doesn't want to admit that yes, he does. And it breaks your heart because you know that you've had a part in that. So you apologize in the only way you think Loki could begin to accept.

"You can be whoever, whatever you want to be. Even someone good."

And part of you is saying that to yourself too, because heaven knows you need to hear it just as much. And Loki's words are still ringing in your ears.

Friend.

How bittersweet. But you're an adult. You know you can't demand Loki's affection as much as you selfishly want to. If he wants to be with Sylvie, you'll force yourself to find some way to cope with that. It's fine. It only makes sense. You'd rather have Loki in your life as a friend than nothing at all. And you're happy to be reconciled at least a little.

But then you step out into the Time Theatre and everything stops. Ravonna is standing there and she's obviously pissed. She knows. You deflect, you lie, try to be as Loki as you can to get out of this. You're surrounded by Minutemen and pruning sticks but all you can think is you can't let Loki get hurt. Not now. He's the key to taking down the TVA. And it's clear Ravonna is having none of it. But you know her. You were friends. Good friends. And you know she's more angry at you than Loki at the moment. So you realize what you have to do to keep it that way. To protect him.

So you press the button you know will hurt her the most. You answer her question from just a short while ago. You bring all the focus onto you, knowing what it'll likely mean. Knowing it'll hurt her and make her lash out. You're not stupid. You're good at reading people. That's why you're an analyst. And if it means protecting Loki, you know you'd have been willing to die much longer ago than is probably reasonable.

You don't even try to avoid the pruning stick. And honestly? It's not even the most painful thing you've experienced today.

And besides. It's better this way. Now Loki can be with Sylvie, be happy, and you don't have to feel a dagger through your heart every time they look at each other. And it's not like Loki will really miss you.

It's better this way.

[achillieus]

let you down. (sebastian stan x reader)

summary: it's a universal truth but it's worth repeating; feelings eat us raw. or just an actor and a girl falling in and out of love over the course of three months.

(this was inspired by sebastian's visit to greece for his movie, monday, and is based on that, so that means in the story we’re in 2018. also i have this posted on ao3 too but while i’m writing the last parts i thought of posting it here too)

pairing: sebastian stan x reader

warnings: alcohol, sexual references, implied depression, don’t kill me because of the ending, sebastian and reader are the definition of right person wrong time, it's kinda slowburn because i love the yearning, also this part has some funny moments but overall it’s a big SOB

part: 6/6 (there will also be an epilogue)

(other parts)   (masterlist)

This is how it ends: broken hearts from crashed dreams.

Sebastian holds you until his muscles ache and your lungs burn from the feeling of too little oxygen. It is cold and dark, almost midnight, too dark, a starless night.

No more stars for you and I.

“Here,” Voice hoarse, eyes heavy-lid and itching from almost crying. He gives you one of the rings he wore in the movie. “I want you to keep this.”

Keep it close to your heart. Forget me not.

He takes a breath and a step back, tries to regain all the strength he still has, steady feet and shoulders fixed. He digs his nails into his palms, red marks in his skin, air catching in his throat, he’s on the verge of falling but he stays standing.

He remembers tears glistening down his cheeks, maybe they were yours not his, and the cold autumn wind hitting his face and he remembers feeling like he’s dying.

And then he closes the door of Argyris’ car and looks at you.

And his heart stretches and stretches and stretches and then somehow splits in half.

/

It goes like this:

There’s a ghost that lives in your apartment from now on. In the living room. Sitting on the couch. And it has steel blue eyes and a familiar heart. And it whispers a love story, half-finished, and you cannot make it stop.

The ghost touches your collarbone and he’s gone but there’s a ring in a golden chain around your neck and a white shirt forgotten in your laundry. And it smells like him. The clinging scent of his aftershave sticking to your pores. Eucalyptus. And no matter how hard you try to wash it off, it still lingers.

How could I ever forget someone like you?

The ghost lives here, but the place is empty, so empty. And it’s hard not to cry.

/

Sebastian calls and texts a lot.

He tells you he’s tired but excited because he started filming a new movie. It’s very indie and experimental, I can’t wait for you to see it. He tells you he’s missing his days in Greece like hell and that one night he dreamt of you. Didn’t want to wake up. What he doesn’t tell you is that he’s coming back in a month, Argyris needs him for some extra scenes. It’s nearly killing him but he doesn’t tell you. He wants to surprise you, see the pure light in your eyes when they’ll meet his.

/

You try sexting. It doesn’t go very well.

23:50, sebastian: if you were here in my bed right now what would you be doing

06:51, you: probably falling asleep hahaha

06:51, you: oh fuck was i supposed to sext back

06:51, you: sorry seb i just woke up and i have a class in an hour, love you <3

23:52, sebastian: fuck timezones

/

(three weeks and 10 seconds later)

“I can’t believe she doesn’t know you’re here,” Argyris shakes his head as he’s driving home from the airport, “If I were her, I’d kill you.”

“Good thing I didn’t fall in love with you.”

Sebastian laughs and looks out of the car window. The stars. There are so many stars tonight. He holds his breath; he’s finally feeling whole again. His heart isn’t split in two anymore.

/

You don’t know how long you stand there at your door, staring at him, but it feels like a century before he grins, almost laughs, takes your hands in his and you start considering that perhaps this isn’t a hallucination. Perhaps it’s real.

“Surprise?”

Something inside of you bursts, your organs twitch. You can’t think, you can’t speak, but you can move. You don’t lose any more time, you take a step forward, attach your bodies, your face buried in his neck, your fingers clutching into the rough fabric of his jacket. You breathe him in like an antidote.

“How?”

“Does it matter?”

“No.”

You kiss him and it’s like poetry, like art, like honey and you can’t separate yourself from him, not even hours later.

/

(looking back, these were the golden days)

You pretending to be mad at him for not telling you he was coming back and him pressing his lips on your skin, drawing patterns on your naked shoulder. A feathery touch.

Sebastian always touches you like you’re something made of gold and porcelain, something cherished that constantly needs to be treasured. And nobody has done that before. And you love him for it.

You try to decorate your Christmas tree together. He messes with the lights for a while, eventually gives up and goes on to eat too many reindeer shaped cookies.

He massages your muscles when you write a boring essay for college.

You go with him when he has to shoot a “driving a motorcycle naked in the centre of Athens” scene and you bite the inside of your cheeks to stop smiling like an idiot.

He gives you a dress he bought for you in New York.  

“You didn’t have to.”

“I know, but I wanted to.”

He calls you sweetheart in the mornings, still half asleep and later joins you in the shower.

“Why are you so hot?”

“Climate change”

“Oh, shut up”

It’s tender and it’s soft and it’s human.

And that’s the saddest part.

/

Soon you realize that him leaving two months ago was merely a rehearsal and you still haven’t said your actual goodbyes. Your chest starts to feel as if it’s full of crushed glass.

And it’s ridiculous because you fell in love with Sebastian sometime between the first ten days you spent together.

Who falls in love in ten days?  

Ridiculous or not, you know you are in love with him just as you know that sooner or later, whatever he is feeling will fade and wither. Maybe it’ll be in a week, maybe it’ll be in a month, maybe in a year if you’re lucky. But there will definitely come a day when he will step out of a gala or a party or a fancy gym in New York with a beautiful model in his arms and two paparazzi’s following him around.

What will you be then?

A past small cameo in his life. A side character. Will he remember your name?

He is your whole world.

(a bottle of cheap prosecco helps you decide that)

He is your whole world.

And yet, there will come a day when he won’t even remember your name.

/

It was difficult. No, it was the most difficult thing you’ve ever done. Telling him how you think it’d be better if you didn’t talk after he leaves.

“I don’t agree with this.”

“Seb, it’s for the best.”

Your body doesn’t feel strong enough to carry your heart. And you’re certain it will only get worse once he’s away. The world around you will melt. You’ll obsess over a phone screen and his messages. You’ll start chasing ghosts again. You can’t handle that.

“Why?” He says urgently and his fingers dance over the flesh of your palms.

“Because this”, you motion your hand between the two of you, “is the most beautiful thing I’ve ever had in my life and I don’t want it to become ugly.”

He nods, he understands.

“I love you, you know,” he says smiling and tugs you closer to him, “And I may not be here to show you but I think I’ll love you for a long time.”

Your hand grips his waist right to the bones and something flares in your eyes, something wild that wrenches you around.

“I know, I’ll love you the same.”

“Maybe we’ll meet again.”

“Only if I’m the luckiest girl on the planet.”

He laughs and you look at him, fully aware he’ll be ripped out of your life like a page from a cheap leather notebook. And when you kiss for the last time, there’s a hole forming in your soul.

And just because endings don’t leave visible scars to one’s body and soul, that doesn’t mean the scars don’t exist. You know they do, because you feel the aching pain of every single one of them.

/

(every night when you close your eyes you see him)

(every night you look at the stars and think of him)

/

A month passes and Argyris asks you if you miss him.

“I don’t think I’ll ever stop.”

“He said the exact same thing.”

You tell him not to mention Sebastian again.

Two months pass and you need to stop stalking his instagram profile.

Three months pass and you almost text him.

Four months pass and you go to watch Endgame with some friends and you cry. You cry when Black Widow sacrifices herself and when Iron Man smiles at his wife while dying, and when Bucky Barnes appears on screen.

The others don’t understand and you don’t blame them.

Five months pass and Argyris’ girlfriend wants you to meet someone. A charming boy your age with blonde hair and a lip piercing.

And he's cute but you compare him to Sebastian even before he has the chance to say his name. His eyes are not the right shade of blue and he doesn’t look at you like you’re made of the world’s finest jewel.

And he doesn’t know any constellation names.

And then more than a year passes in a second and you learn to not look for him. Not anymore.

/

It’s early March 2020 and despite the rising fear of the upcoming pandemic, you’re doing well. Scars are starting to fade. And after spending two weeks in Prague, your best friend being there with an exchange program, Sebastian Stan is the farthest thing from your mind.

Until he literally comes crashing into you. At the airport.

No, it can’t be him.

You have your suitcase on one hand and a bottle of antiseptic gel on the other. He has two bodyguards on his sides and a black hoodie on.  And while half of his face is hidden behind a mask, you can see his eyes perfectly. A frozen lake in December. You would know those eyes in your deathbed, at the end of the world.

Your vision gets blurry and suddenly you feel cold.

He won’t recognize me, he can’t.

But then he looks at you and every memory you had buried inside of you resurfaces.

He motions to his guards to wait for him and he starts walking towards you. You breathe slowly, one breath at a time. He takes his mask off and you hesitate to take yours, not sure if you truly want him to see you.

You exchange the typical and very awkward hi, how are you, i’m glad you’re doing okay and then he smiles and it feels comfortable. Familiar.

It’s the whiff of another time that you always kept around. A reminder that you were once loved by a god.

“What are you doing here?”

“Filming Falcon and the Winter Soldier”

If you hadn’t unfollowed him on instagram, you’d known.

“Ah yes I heard about that, congrats.”

He nods a thank you.

“And you? In Prague?”

“I was at a friend.”

He looks conflicted, hurt, turns his gaze to his shoes on the grey cement. You want to say something, but you feel like throwing up.

And then he laughs.

“I was right.”

You’re confused, he notices.

“Back in Greece,” he swallows, “I told you this would happen.”

“It would have been an airport, different gates for each of us, but same waiting hall. Or a Greek island, where we’d both be for the summer.”

“I would have found you.”

You remember and you cannot help but smile. He was right. He found you.

“I didn’t believe you then.”

I barely believe you now.

He touches your hair. And his touch is like a knife. And you want to cry. Magnolias under your tongue. A love long lost is whispering in your ears until it hurts to listen. He’s like a magnetic field and you feel yourself drowning in him.

“I bet they’ll ask me a hundred questions about you later.” He says and looks at the two men waiting for him.

“And what will you tell them?”

“That you’re most probably the love of my life.”

Don’t cry, don’t cry.

“There’s no way we’d meet here if you’re not.”

“Sebastian,” His name sounds like a prayer coming out of your lips and you're ready to tell him you love him and you can swear he looks like he’s ready to faint, “I-”

The guards yell his name. And it's the same feeling people have just before a car crash.

“I’m sorry, I have to go.”

One last look.

Don’t cry, don’t cry.

You repeat it over and over again. But you fail.

“No, don't cry” He smiles, one last smile, “Just look at the stars and wait for us to meet again, because we will.”

He caresses the back of your palm for a second and you think your ribcage is shattering but it’s only your heart drumming frantically. Pushing your fragile bones to break. 

You want to stop him, wrap your arms around his torso, never let him go. Not again. But you don’t.

You just watch him leave, one more time, your knees weak, your head heavy and dizzy. For the split of a moment he turns and glances at you but then he’s nowhere to be seen.

Perhaps it was all in your imagination. Perhaps it was nothing but a wonder.

You get into your plane and you silently sob.

/

And then it’s summer.

And you overhear he was seen with a girl, the day before your vacation starts and you find a picture of them together a week later, a pretty blonde girl clinging to his side with a colorful bikini somewhere in Spain. And he’s smiling. And you feel so ashamed. And so stupid.

They say time heals all wounds but they must be wrong because you can’t forget how he used to smile at you or how he used to call you the love of his life.

Was he joking when he said you'll meet again? You bet if you asked him now, he wouldn't even remember saying it.

I’ll love you for a long time.

So long for nothing.

/

i really appreciate feedback, it motivates me tons and also tell me if you’d like to be tagged :) also i’m really sorry if you asked me to tag you and i didn’t  but i lost a lot of asks and the urls of the people that sent them :( 

tagging: @lharrietg @awkward117 @dannaloureen @broccoligf @cutestfangirlvevo @caitdaniels @arymb @buckybarnesishot310 @roguesthetic @itsaliceheree @sara-1705 @dorothea-hwldr @freshfreakoaftrash @drinkfantasy @christinamcdonnell ​@partypoison00 ​ @90ssantiago

[danielxricciardo]

Cheater III

Summary: You found out Max cheated on you part 3.

Warnings: angst and fluff by the end

Word count: 2.5k

Part 1 and Part 2

Cheating in a relationship is the saddest thing. It can kill the personality from the inside. Bring changes a lot mentally. These situations turn into you to be good or bad. Some may be helpful to be stronger.

It feels bad when our loved one cheated, cause we are well connected to our partners. We had a lot of plans for that person to spend a most valuable time of ours. When it isn't going to happen then it feels unsuccessful or bad. Expecting something from another person is common in humans. When it turns down we feel such pain, like stabbing with words, The words have the power to kill or to give life to the opponent's mind. The reason why people say 'think before you talk'.

True love doesn't involve multiple people... You knew that.

When you are in love with someone, you don't cheat and you're not talking about just finding others attractive. You just don't desire to be sexually intimate with other people when you are truly "in love" with one person. You're not talking about caring for someone or loving in general.

You're talking about the head over heels, you're soulmates, the stars have aligned and nobody else has what you have, a type of love that consumes your whole being and makes you want to give that person the world. And that includes giving them the greatest physical pleasure that they can possibly experience. Cheating takes that away from you and that is why it hurts.

The person you are in love with and desire, who you thought felt the same way is revealing to you that intimacy with you is meaningless when you thought it was special. They do not desire you in the same way that you desire them. They are not "in love" with you in the way that you thought. All of your love is in vain.

“Why do we feel bad, even horrible, when our partner cheats on us?"

A trust, expectation, a promise was broken. This type of violation hits you closer to the heart because you have let that person through all your external defenses. Because you fear the loneliness that you are going to face. Nobody wants to end alone. When you put in so much for your relationship, you want it to last. But when your partner cheats you think that you would end alone, gradually realize this happens and life doesn't end here and someone else is going to come into your life.

Why do guys cheat on girls?

Both men and women cheat. In some cases, the reasons are simple: humans are animals with sex drives. We are biologically programmed to "spread our seeds." We have other instincts, such as loyalty, honesty, and guilt feelings. Those drives duke it out with lust in our brains. Sometimes, lust wins. It's more complicated than that because we tend to associate sex with so many other things: youth, freedom, adventure, personal attractiveness, you name it.

You know people make all sorts of excuses like, “I wasn’t happy in my relationship” or “I didn’t know what I was doing” or “I don’t find my partner attractive anymore” or “someone convinced me to do it.” You’ve heard these. But it’s funny to you.

A cheater can never have any excuse. They do not deserve to have that say after cheating on someone.

If you weren’t happy in the relationship, then why didn’t you break up first and had sex with someone else? Why didn’t you say that you needed a break and then had sex? Also, how can someone even convince you to cheat on your partner? It’s nonsense.

Some people will even go as far as to say that the other person made them feel loved, so they got swayed away. If you are not feeling loved by your partner and someone else is doing that job, then aren’t you supposed to figure out your feelings first, maybe break up with your partner and then be with someone else? That’s common sense.

Nobody deserves to be cheated on. The blame is ALWAYS on the cheater. Nowadays people even try to justify cheaters. It’s insane. To you, all the answers to “why” are simply just excuses trying to justify their unacceptable behavior. You know, how they always say that a person who cheats once will cheat again.

Since you found out that Max cheated on you and until this moment, so many months have passed that you have the impression that you have started to heal. You were with a man who made you feel fulfilled, happy, and loved. There were days in a row when you didn't think about Max, but even when you thought, you had in mind only the beautiful moments. Like when, for your first date, he rented your entire favorite restaurant and he cooked for both of you, even though he didn't know how to cook more than just one egg. Or when you first visited him at a Grand Prix for the first time and he won and came to you and kissed you in front of all the cameras, telling everyone that you are his lucky talisman. Or, your favorite memory, when you were at his house after you met his family and heard him talking to his father about you. Sure, you didn't understand a word they said, but Victoria translated to you what was most important about that conversation: Max loves you so much and if he doesn't get to marry you, he'll never marry anyone else.

As dear as your last memory may be, it is also painful because it is like a slap in the face to the fact that there was a time in your life when you were in love and now you were no longer together.

When you told your family that you started seeing another man, more than 6 months after you and Max broke up, your mother asked you how you could get into a relationship so quickly. relationship.

To be honest, you weren't ready yet. You were damn scared but Stephen, your boyfriend now, went after you a lot and you decided that if you don't give him a chance now it will be many years before you think about going on a date with someone else. You knew it wasn't going to be a long relationship. You didn't have much in common with Stephen, but he was a good, sweet boy, and you needed someone who wouldn't make you hate all the men in the world.

"Look, I'm not saying you didn't go through something traumatic, but it's been almost a year since then and I think it's time to come and show everyone that you're not afraid of anyone or anything," says Anthony who called you on facetime one Sunday night after the race.

"But I'm afraid."

"Just shut up, no one needs to know. You just come here, you smile, you laugh, you act friendly with everyone and you're going to look like you're better of without him."

You sigh and get out of bed, and go to the kitchen to get a pill for your headache.

"But he will be there..."

"Okay, so? Who cares about him? I'll always be by your side, I promise he won't talk to you."

"Can I come with Stephen?"

"You know I can't stand him, Y/N. Take him with you to the next Grand Prix, I don't feel like seeing him now, okay?"

"I'll think about it."

You have decided, however, to go to the last Grand Prix of the season, in Abu Dhabi. No one but Anthony knew you were coming to the race.

You forgot what a busy atmosphere it was on Sunday. However, everyone who saw you came to you to talk a little and to tell you that you missed them. You smiled and answered that you missed them as well.

The road to Red Bull Racing was long and short at the same time.

"Do my eyes see well? Y/F/N Y/L/N!" says Christian Horner, who comes to you and hugs you.

You first see Sergio Perez who waves at you, happy to see you, then you see Max who comes from somewhere in the back. Had he just heard your name?

"Hey, guys! I'm so glad to see you again. I missed you all."

"And we missed you, Y/N!" Christian answers on behalf of all Red Bull Racing employees. "Welcome home."

You giggle.

"Thank you."

In less than 10 minutes since you got there, Anthony broke his promise. He promised not to leave you alone so that Max could not come and talk to you.

"Hey," Max says softly, coming behind you.

You shivered at his voice, a voice you've dreamed of every night since you broke up. You turn to him and analyze his facial features. He was the way you remembered him, maybe even more handsome.

You look left and right for Anthony but you can't see him.

"Hey." You answer Max and your heart starts beating much harder.

"I'm so glad to see you... I missed you."

The desire to take him in your arms and kiss him was so strong that you felt dizzy. You couldn't focus on anything, not even a few words to say.

"Do you think that we... We could see each other after the race to... Talk?" he asks, moving his weight from one foot to the other.

"Okay," you say and regret it the next second.

"How stupid am I for wanting to get back together with Max after he cheated on me?" you asked Anthony.

"First of all, you're not stupid for wanting to get back with your boyfriend. Relationships are the most real things anyone can experience. We're growing while we're together. As we grow, we also go through many different behaviors in life. Behavior does not make that person. Behaviors come and go as we grow into who we are. No one is perfect. You cannot name one person you know to be 100% perfect, right?" you shake your head and he continues. "We all grow organically, and the best thing about being in a relationship is that you get to watch each other grow. You get to experience the person you care about to develop. Relationships are like walking through a door that you don't know what's on the other side. But you go through the door without any fear, doubt, or unbelief. Relationships are the livest-realest- life experience. He is a man. A man can only love once or twice. Just because Max has sex with a woman, doesn't mean he loves her. He just wanted to get his rocks off for a moment. When it is all said and done, he loves you. It may sound strange but just think of all the men you knew. Think about all the relationships you knew about. Think those who have been together for years on out. So, no you're not stupid for wanting to embrace your boyfriend's "only temporary behavior". You're smart for wanting to have the courage to walk through the next door. You're smart for being optimistic and knowing that things will get better with time. You realize the importance of maintaining a companion."

You blink several times.

"Why do I feel like you've practiced this speech in front of the mirror several times?"

He laughs and runs his arm over your shoulder.

"Maybe because that's what I did?"

You laugh and you hug him.

"Thank you for being my friend. So you're saying I should give Max another chance?"

"You don't have to give him a chance if you don't want to. But listen to your heart. Don't just do it because I'm saying so because you might regret it and you'll blame me. If you want to give him another chance, just do it. He's not the kind of man to cheat. I don't know what was on his mind when he did it with Kelly. But something tells me he regrets what he did and he will never cheat again."

"Hey, can we talk now?"

"Sure. Congrats on the win!"

"Yeah, thanks."

You both went to his room to talk. You were scared and your palms were sweating. You didn't want to start the conversation because you had different scenarios in mind, all different, depending on what Max would tell you the first time. You swallowed hard when you entered his room. The last time you were there, you two broke up.

“I’m truly sorry for hurting you.” he started saying after he closed the door behind you. "I care for you more than anything. I’m deeply sorry for hurting you… Hurting you is the most painful thing I have ever done. With a bruised heart and a deflated ego, with a sad soul and a head hung low, I apologize to you. An apology is nothing to what I’ve done; but still, I know you have a forgiving and understanding heart and won’t let resentment destroy our love. I have shown you what an idiot I can be by making that mistake. Now it is your turn to show me what a darling you can be by giving your anger a break. Without you I feel lonely, I never want to lose you in my life. I am sorry and I’ll work hard on changing my behavior. I know that I caused you a lot of pain. Whatever happens, remember that I am the guy, who will always be there for you in good and bad times. I know you’re angry now, but I want you to know that I didn’t mean to hurt you. I’m sorry for hurting you. I am ready to make amends. If I could, I would have wiped your memories about all the terrible things that I have caused you, but all I can do is to promise you that I’ll create only happy memories for you. I hope when you feel ready you can forgive me."

His words took you by surprise. You knew he would try to apologize, but in your mind, you weren't crying. You knew before you came to the room with him that you would forgive him.

"I forgive you. To be honest, I think I forgave you before we broke up but my ego was hurt and I couldn't forgive you so quickly. What you did was horrible and I hated you for so many months for making me feel so small and insignificant. But I love you. And I want to give ourselves another chance."

tag: hellolipoops, taina-eny

[daim1812]

One Last Time

Levi Ackerman x Reader

Labels: Romance, angst, drama, mentions of suicide, blood, children involvement, pregnancy and death.

Warning: Some manga spoilers. Change of storyline for adaptive purposes.

Song of choice: Saturn by Sleeping at Last

As the sun went down so did his body, sitting down on the log with a perfect view to a hidden lake between enclosed tall trees. Rising up from the mountain, the moon made its way into the night sky.

Levi couldn’t stop himself to stare at the moon. He couldn’t stop breathing the air, feeling it hit his lungs with small fights. He couldn’t stop from repeating the same images in his head.

His squads death made him realize that death was always near. He knew that no matter how much he ran away from it, it was always going to catch up to him.

Mike’s death shook him slightly. He knew this man for his whole years of being in the Scouts, and consider him someone close to him.

Erwin’s death threw him in a verge of loosing himself, almost to the point of ending things. And yet... he found himself weak to the thought. He couldn’t do it, it was someone else’s job to kill him and end his agony. Even when Hange stood there with him and helped him realize that he wasn’t that alone, her sudden sacrifice pushed him into an unknown feeling.

And so he sat there, amaze by the scenery; amazed by the simple thought that he was still... living.

Without a care in the world, Levi closed his eyes and emerge into the swing of the wind. Hitting him softly on the face and pushing his hair back, he indulge in a new feeling he couldn’t describe before.

He was delighted.

He was enlighten.

Yet, he hated that. Everybody else died, leaving him alone to understand himself and hate himself at the same time. All he wanted was... for them to come back. Since Isabel and Farlan, Levi learned the hard way that life isn’t the way he thought it would be. Kenny’s death was another punch in his face. His mother's death since the beginning made him this solitary person filled with problems.

Levi wasn’t normal.

Two pair of hands took him by surprise, but not enough to act defensive. He already knew this hands.

She pressed her face on Levi’s head, her body slightly pushing to his back. Her hands collared on his neck, embracing him thoroughly to her own content.

“What are you doing, Captain?” Her voice swayed Levi’s ears, the melody in her voice making him subtle and nostalgic.

“I have never stopped myself to watch this place, Captain.” He mumbled, almost too low for her to understand, but she did. Levi felt her jaw tense and knew she was smiling.

“It’s beautiful, isn’t it? This is what we fight for, Levi. For this place, this scenery, for the wind, for the people, for the oceans, for the animals, for us.” She let go of Levi to sit beside him, looking at him.

Levi finally got rid of his bandages, half of his face with a scar that marked a battle in transition; his left eye was hidden over a patch. She wanted so much to contain herself from touching his face once again. One after the other, every time she saw him like this, her hands immediately moved to touch his face. Levi doesn’t care much, but at the beginning he prohibited her to do so.

“Can I...?” The whisper made Levi look down, slowly nodding, not wanting to show her that he needed her to touch him.

Her fingertips rolled on his skin and scars, slowly, and carefully, she continue the path from the chin to his forehead. She stopped the movement once she reached his eye patch, looking at him for confirmation. He didn’t say anything, still staring at the ground in front of him, how the grass moved with the wind.

“I love your eyes, Levi.” She smiled at him, continuing her path, her fingers sinking inside his hair.

He finally let go of a sigh, looking up at her with the most saddest eyes, the color of his eyes slowly fainting by the light of the moon.

“If you die...” He started, stopping her movements. She frowned her eyebrows, looking back at him with fierce.

“Don’t say that. I’m not going to die. I’m not planning on doing so. My plan is to finish this war with Eren and those idiots, and then... we’ll retire in a cabin in the woods. We’ll have lots of kids. I’m still young, I can have at least 7 kids. Don’t you think?” She chuckled, Levi loving so much her action.

When was the last time he felt so affected by the emotions of another person? She had him wrapped on her fingers and yet he couldn’t do anything about that. He didn’t know the feelings he was going through. He didn’t understood what this new emotion was.

Was it really love like the books in the library described?

Was it the love Hange so furiously told him about when they stayed up almost all night drinking with Erwin and Mike?

Was love the past arrangement Erwin had with Nile’s wife?

Or was it that anxious feeling of seeing someone for the first time and noticing how beautiful they were?

He couldn’t decipher anything even if they were together. He was confused with all those emotions flowing into him. From the beginning, in his childhood, he never got to experience love and affection. Farlan and Isabel gave him affection, that friendship, and he learned from that. From Erwin he went through companionship, same with his squad, Hange and Mike. He understood those feelings; he already battled those and lost. Levi knew death, despair, loneliness, sadness; he knew all of those and yet he never once understood love.

She changed those thoughts so easily it scared him.

“You would look so beautiful holding our baby...” Her smile made Levi weak to the knees. How couldn’t he have fallen for her? “My plan is for us to be together until we are old and we decay with time. I want this to be over so we can be happy. What do you think?”

“...” Levi couldn’t say anything. If something he learned from all those years of loneliness and misery, it was to never dream too much. He wanted to live in the present because every time he thought things were alright something ended up wrong.

“Levi?” She looked so worried for him, letting her knees touch the grass in front of Levi.

His hands immediately hold her elbows, not wanting her to get on her knees and get her pants dirty just for him. Yet, she didn’t cared, only pushing away his hands a little bit to not make him feel bad.

“Talk to me, Ackerman.” Her voice soothes him. How many times has he loved hearing her call his name or just say anything in general?

He didn’t wanted to admit it, but having her near him, breathing, laughing, talking, whispering, singing... made him sleep so good for the first time. He finally let go of the worries in her arms and slowly pacified his urges of ending thing. Whenever he could sleep with her, he felt like the world didn’t needed to end just yet. Sleeping with her seemed like the only medicine he needed for days full of regret.

Either way, with those thoughts in his head while he stared down at the girl he profoundly fell for, he couldn’t let himself be like her.

Levi was the opposite of her. Down to earth, cold, and with secrets nobody needed to know. She was an open book, imaginative and lovable. He just didn’t wanted her to feel bad for saying words that could hurt her.

“This is real life, Captain. We are in a fragile situation right now in where we don’t know if tomorrow we will be alive. We live our lives to the fullest imagining that at some point we will stop and notice we fought so hard for our freedom.” Levi’s eyes connects with her, noticing how the light faded a little bit. “I can’t live in a fantasy... not when everything around me is based in reality. You are the one thing,” He stopped for a few seconds, his finger grabbing onto some of her locks. “I can’t loose.”

“You’re in bad luck, Levi, ‘cause I’m going into battle tomorrow and I promise you I will live. I won’t die yet. I can’t leave you alone.” Suddenly she pressed her forehead softly against Levi’s forehead, both of their noses slightly kissing. She closed her eyes and Levi admired her fractions.

He liked her so much.

She was the only reason why he hasn’t indulge into the darkness and end his life right there.

His fingers pressed her locks behind her ear, some of the hair covering his face and hers. She giggled at the humble actions of the man she loved with all her life. He continues to push her hair behind her ears, slowly passing his fingertips on her earlobe.

“Don’t die on me, brat. Keep fighting.” His whisper made her eyes crystallize. She felt the feelings behind those words. He wanted her to continue living even if he didn’t made it through another day.

She shook her head, the hairs from behind her ear falling back on her face as she pulled away from him.

Her hands locked onto his, pressing them on her chest tightly, a little careful of Levi’s bandage hand missing two of his fingers.

“No. Don’t YOU die on me, Levi. I want you to live and fulfill my wish with me. I want you to wake up tomorrow ready to battle and do everything it takes to come back into my arms. Many will die; death is inevitable, yet I’ll be here always. I want you to survive because you deserve to. I know how much you await death. You’ve been waiting for so long to feel it. The grass on your fingers, the blood gushing out of your mouth and the pain. But, Levi, I assure you, nothing is better than living the moment. Nothing will be better than this moment. You and me... finally together. I won’t let you die, Levi. We will have each other’s back. But you will survive even if it means me saving you over and over. I won’t let you fall into a darkness you won’t ever go out. I’ll light up your path every time you see it darken. I’ll keep the light up every time the wind tries to blow it. I’ll be here for you... until death do us apart.” Her eyes quickly tried to gush out the feelings, but the feelings were already dripping down her face.

Levi couldn’t stop himself anymore. He grabbed her cheek, pulled her up a little to be at the same height as him and pushed his lips against hers.

Her lips danced slowly on his, taking almost all the control of the kiss. Even if they were together for so long, Levi didn’t know a lot of things couple usually did. He didn’t know how to kiss, how to compliment, how to touch, how to love. Yet, she didn’t care for those small details. Being near her lover solely made her live happily.

Their lips continued to stick together, Levi wanting so hard to not let go. Maybe he didn’t wanted to let go because he wanted to love the moment like she told him to do; or maybe he felt the need to kiss her one last time just in case something bad happened.

Her hands touched Levi’s cheek, rubbing her fingertips on his cheek. He felt the cold round of tears pressing on his face, sticking them.

Breaking the kiss with a subtle movement, Levi gazed at her up and down, taking a mental picture of his lover for future references. For when the battle came, he could keep calm and fight dedicating his heart.

“Don’t cry, idiot.” He rolled her tear off her face with his right thumb. She nodded quickly, wiping her face with her long sleeve shirt.

“Promise me, Levi... we will fulfill my dream? Just promise me that.” His hand pressing on her cheek, she shoved it even closer to her.

He couldn’t promise that. He just couldn’t. Levi didn’t know if he was going to survive. The situation was getting dangerous and if everything went south, he would have to sacrifice himself to save the others. He needed to give them a future, Levi already fought enough, lived enough.

But now he had her... Now he was supposed to live to keep her by his side. He needed to survive. Yet, he just couldn’t say that to her. He wasn’t very good with words. Showing actions and taking actions was his forte.

The moon shined on them once again, the lighting in his eyes finally shinning again, the back of her head being lightened by the moon as well.

He wanted to live for her.

“I promise.” He mumbled, watching her shriek and throw herself on him, almost pushing both of them back into the ground.

She flowered him with kisses all over his face, being extremely careful of his eye and scar.

“I love you, Levi. Thank you. I’ll keep you safe.” Those words brought him so much joy. An emotion he hasn’t felt at all in his life, yet he was purely in love with this woman and he was going to make her happy.

“Me too, Captain.”

————————————

“Papa, papa, papa!” A little kid, around 6 years old with short dark hair and beautiful grey eyes threw himself at Levi. He catches him almost in midair and makes him sit on his arm and waist.

“What is it, Teo? I’ve told you to not interrupt me while I’m working.” The little kid shrugs his shoulders and purposely hides his face on Levi’s chest.

Levi noticed by the corner of his eye the little girl standing near the door, half of her face looking at him and the kid.

“Alora doesn’t want to play with me and I feel lonely.” His voice makes Levi tremble gently. Who would have thought that the Captain of the Survey Corps was going to be swayed by the adorable side of his older child?

“Alora, come here.” He turns around to the door, the little girl holding onto a dark teddy bear that hanged on her right hand and kept being swept on the floor.

She walked in with her face looking down on the floor. Alora couldn’t lie about it, she was almost scared of her father. He was always so quiet and cold; while she was the opposite. She was curious, a shining sun wherever she went, and a beautiful, intelligent little girl. With only 4 years old she already knew how to do basic math (something her mother continuously felt proud of and mentioned every time).

Levi looked down on her and gently squatted down with Teo on his arms, leading him to stand up on the floor.

Pressing his hand on Alora’s black, long soft hair that fell until her lower back and was tightly put in a ponytail, he smiled at her. Alora looked at her father and smiled back, loving those moments with him.

“Alora, would you like to play with your brother for a little while? Papa has some work to do, but once I’m done I’ll play with both of you. Anything that you want, I’ll play it.” He kept smiling, watching the kids as they celebrated that their dad was finally going to give them some attention. “Go play, kids.”

The kids rushed through the door, running into their rooms to play and have fun with each other.

Letting out a small sigh, Levi got up and sat down on his chair again. He still couldn’t believe he was a father of two children that made his life a whole heaven and a living hell as well.

A knock on the door caught him slightly by surprise, turning his attention towards now the person standing at the door.

He stared up and down at his wife, and how the dress made her look so irresistibly gorgeous.

She smiled at him and entered the room without invitation. Holding on her back for support, or for pain, she finally stood next to him. A hand pressed on Levi’s left shoulder, making Levi close his eyes and sigh again, loving so much her touch.

“You must be exhausted, Levi. Are you sure you can’t just finish this later? I could really use a massage, you know.” She leaned down a little bit, rubbing her nose on his cheek and ear.

“I have to finish today. I’ll be done soon.” Sighing once again, he let go of his desire to stop working and just let her shower him in affection and love.

“You’re so tense, dear.” Her hands touched his shoulders and made pressure on her hands to make him feel at ease. Levi’s head fell back a little bit, seeing his wife enjoying giving him all the love and attention he needed.

“Go do something else, brat. You’re always trying to make me feel good. I’m fine.” Levi pushed his body upwards, breaking the contact of her hands on his shoulders. She chuckled, understanding that Levi didn’t wanted to feel vulnerable at the state of tension he was in.

“Alright, Captain.” She makes the old salute, making Levi tremble at the sight. Even so, she continues to smile, leaning down on him to kiss him on the lips real quick.

“Tsk... idiot.” As soon as he said that, his body lay back at the chair, resting himself on it as he watched his wife walk away with a smile.

As soon as he heard his wife say dinner was ready, his body immediately got up and walked to the living room, seeing how the kids ran to the table. Getting from behind Alora, he helped her get on the chair. Giving her a short smile, Levi sat down at his respective chair, not having any other option than watching his wife put the plates and utensils at the table.

Levi always loved watching his wife do housework. He was a clean freak, and noticing how she always tried her best to keep everything tidy up and clean, made him love her even more. It wasn’t rude or anything, Levi helped a lot in the chores, helping whenever he wasn’t doing his own work.

“You’re slacking off, Levi.” She smiled, putting down the utensils next to his plate. He looked up at her, and her eyes shined to him. God, he could loose himself with just a stare.

“I’m tired.” He said with a sigh, resting on the chair.

“You could finish up quickly, papa.” Teo’s small voice makes Levi smile. His ear rings to that voice and he just enjoy his son’s voice.

“Yes, papa. You have to play with us.” Alora smiles while her mother pours some food on her plate.

“I know, kids.” His wife presses her thumbs to Levi’s nape, slowly rubbing it.

“Papa will be busy, but I’m sure he’ll take some time to play with you, kids. Right, darling?” Levi lets his neck fall back a little bit and looks up at her staring into his eyes. A faint blush covers his cheeks and he tries his best to hide it, yet she already notices.

“Yeah.” Mumbles, staring down at the food that was being served.

After they finished eating, Levi went back to his studio, trying as fast as he could to finish his work.

With a loud sigh, he finally finished doing all the things he had to do. He got up the chair, stretched his back and walked over to the room in where the kids were playing.

Standing on the entrance of the room, Levi let his back touch the wall and just decided to stare for a little bit at the kids giggling and playing.

He never had a childhood like that. All he knew while growing up was self defense. He knew how to stab, how to kill, how to defend himself. Levi didn’t know what other feelings were. The emotions he was feeling right now while watching his daughter show him her doll and his son the little train he got for his birthday, he didn’t know what that was called.

Knowing well enough how to battle an enemy, Levi never thought he would have to be fighting himself over and over in the future. He thought, maybe, after marrying her and starting a new life he would stop all those thoughts. And he did stop those thoughts. The birth of Teo brought into his life a whole new meaning that he didn’t know he needed so much.

Levi found love.

“Papa, papa! Come! Play with us.” The little girl’s voice shook him out of his thoughts. Looking up and down at her, he smiled, walking over to them and joining their small party.

Levi tucked both kids into bed. He wore them out enough for them to be knocked down cold into a huge sleep. Sliding the blanket over Teo and Alora, Levi kissed their small little forehead. If Erwin saw him right now he would have been surprised at the sight of weakness Levi was showing. “What would he say about this?”, Levi thought while staring down at the little girl holding tight her small bear. Nevertheless, Levi didn’t care. All he cared about were those kids and his wife. Erwin was long gone and he knew that if he saw that, Erwin would have been so proud of him. Levi found exactly what Erwin wanted for him, and what he wanted as well. No thoughts would change his mind on what his ex-Commander and best friend would have thought in that situation. Erwin would have been happy.

Turning off the light, Levi closed the door to the room and walked over to the room he shared with his wife.

And there she was, looking over at the door in wait for her husband. She smiled, opening her arms so she could get Levi next to her.

“Tsk. You’re a needy brat.” He crossed his arms, but still walked up to her. She grabs his hand and detangle them from his chest. Bringing him close to her, making him sit down on the bed, she gently pressed his hand on her belly.

Levi felt a knock, a kick, that startled him a lot. A life was in there. His next child was there. Levi finally understood that feeling. He felt it when Teo came the first time and when Alora also came. The feeling of being alive.

“It keeps kicking. It’s so funny.” She whispers near Levi’s shoulder, letting her head fall on his shoulder.

“He wants to kill you. I’ll kill him if he comes out like the other two. Disorganized and dirty.” His comment makes her laugh and Levi has no other option than to enjoy it. He wanted to record that in his mind forever. Her voice and her laugh.

“You silly... They are only like that because you let them be. I remember when I was a Captain and every time I saw you, you were scolding the cadets for leaving dirt everywhere.” She makes him remember, and he just snickers. He really was a strict Captain. And still, he always got the job done.

“I lived so long in dirty and dark places... I didn’t wanted HQ to be the same.” After he finishes talking, he feels another kick, letting go of a small smile.

“The HQ was bland. It was colorless. It reek of death and broken dreams. I didn’t like that so much.” She closes her eyes and rubs Levi’s hand over her belly.

“We didn’t have time to be thinking of colors. We were always living in a die or live situation.” She nods on his shoulder.

“I agree.”

“We should head to bed.” Levi mumbles again, not wanting to take his hand away from her belly or the warmth of her hand on his.

“Mhmm... let’s stay like this for a little while more. I missed your scent.” Her whisper makes Levi shiver, yet he only lets a small grunt come out of his throat, responding to her.

The small shallow breaths she was taking, the thumb rubbing on his hand, her hair falling on his shoulder and her thighs pressing on him made Levi so renewed. At the end of the day, all the tiredness faded away when she was there with him.

He knew she had her eyes closed, she was just resting on his shoulder. Yet, he wanted to look at her, kiss her, hold her, do everything he could think of even if she had a belly growing up. She has done so much for him and continues to do so by loving him every single day of their lives.

Levi slowly pulled his hand away from her belly and her, but now press it on her cheek. She opened her eyes and leaned back from his shoulder, now staring at him with bags under her eyes.

She was fucking stunning even when she was tired.

Letting his fingers roam from her cheek to her ear, pushing the hair to the back of her neck and ear; Levi cut the distance between each other and kisses her. Slowly, shaking and almost afraid of being too aggressive even if he wasn’t. Her hand found Levi’s shirt and gripped it. He pressed his other hand on her cheek and hold her face steady for him to kiss her better. Licking on her lip slowly, he went back and devoured her lips once again, showing off his dominating side.

Hearing her small moan, he let go of her. Staring deeply into her eyes, the small faint blush on her cheeks made him smirk. He loved making her flustered.

Slowly, but surely, Levi pressed his nose against her nose and gave her a lovely Eskimo kiss.

“I love you, Captain.” She said first, leaving him speechless once again like always.

He stared at her up and down, watching her completely. She always had this effect on him. Not for nothing they were married. Even so, Levi couldn’t be so easily frank like her. He loved her, but saying it was so difficult for him. Yet, when seeing her eyes shine the same way it did when they kissed for the first time, Levi couldn’t let her be disappointed on himself. He loved this woman with all of his life.

The woman who saved his life.

“I love you, too, (Y/N).”

————————————

“I’M NOT LEAVING HIM BEHIND, JEAN!!!!” The small faint voices of a girl during a silent world, were being simply shouted against the noise.

“We have to leave. We need to help Armin and Mikasa. If you stay here, we’ll be loosing you too, Captain. Please, reason with me here. We already lost Connie and Reiner is seriously injured. We need you.” Jean tried his best to reason with the girl who fearlessly continued to cry and shout at the tall man.

“NO!!! I CAN’T LEAVE HIM!!” She cries out, her tears falling in Jean’s arms and onto the floor.

“I understand, Captain. But Captain Levi wouldn’t want you to stay here and do nothing. We must continue to fulfill his wish and save the world. Please...” He couldn’t hold her anymore. She kept screaming while trying to push Jean away so she could hold her lover’s body on her arms. “CAPTAIN, GET YOUR SHIT TOGETHER!!”

He let go of her and she fell on her knees, scrapping them against the rocks and sand. Yet, it didn’t hurt. Her body was numb to the exterior damage. She just couldn’t react to any of that. All she could do was cry and cry and keep crying.

Her body crawled closed to her lover’s body and she grabbed his bloody hand.

When did that happened? How did it happened? Where was she? How did she let that happen?

She kept questioning herself over and over again into the smallest details. Levi’s death was upon her and she couldn’t help but blame herself.

Levi’s soulless body was laying on the ground, his left arm missing and his left leg. He was not coming back from this one and she knew it. After everything she promised. After everything she tried to do to keep him safe, she failed every and each of those promises.

“Wake up, Levi... Yo-You... you promised... You pro-promised we were going to live. You promised ME you were going to live. You promised, you promised, you promised... YOU PROMISED!!!” Her shouts could be heard all over the quiet ambient. Jean let some tears fall down as well, his head falling forward to not be seen weak.

She grabbed Levi’s body and got him close to her, pushing his face near her and sobbing. Tears falling down on Levi’s face, almost washing away the dirt and the blood. She just couldn’t believe that was happening. Levi was actually dead, his body resting on her arms.

“You promised... we were going to have kids... and live happy in a little house on the woods! We were going to raise our children the way they never raised us. Please... please... Levi, please, I love you. Don’t go... don’t leave me!”

The sound of her sobbing suddenly were muffled by extremely loud crashing sounds.

Jean looked over to where the sound came and his eyes became plates. He quickly grabbed her arm and pulled her forcefully, making her shriek and cry harder.

“Captain, Armin is in trouble. We need you. I know it hurts. I know you and Levi had dreams. But right now, if you don’t stand and get your shit together, everything that Captain Levi fought for will be for nothing! DEDICATE YOUR HEART!” Her red face and covered with tears, dust and blood suddenly came to a halt.

Levi wouldn’t wanted her to be like this and not in that moment. She gazed at Levi’s body on the floor one last time, got closed to it, kneeled down and after crying out her last tears, she gave him a farewell kiss.

She wiped her tears off and got up, her face drastically changing to pure anger.

“Let’s save humanity, Jean. DEDICATE YOUR HEART, SOLDIER!!”

The End

Thank you so much for reading.

Have a good day or night, darling. 🥰

[bukojuiice]

25 lives — katsuki bakugo

ೃ  pairing: pro! hero katsuki bakugo x fem! reader

ೃ  tags: alternate universe/time traveler au,  a lot of angst, fluff but the sentimental and nostalgic kind, flashbacks, bakugo travels through so many parallel worlds just to find you.

ೃ  warnings: strong language. wc: 4,764 words

ೃ  my nav  →  my mha writing masterlist  → my katsuki bakugo x reader smau 

ೃ i created a spotify playlist for this fic, feel free to listen to it while reading here!

ೃ  please do reblog if you enjoyed!! it really helps writers and content creators on tumblr!  if you want to be a part of my mha taglist. send me an ask!  ♡

 ೃ  Heavily Inspired by one of my favorite written poetry/prose of all time, 25 Lives by Tongari. The poem will be heavily referenced and mentioned in this fic!  The lines from said poem can be identified [❝ like this❞.]

 ೃ After losing the love of his life in a brutal villain incident, Katsuki Bakugo had lost a part of him. Nothing and no one could ever bring her back. He became the shell of a person he once was; fiery, bright, and the driven #2 Pro-hero in the country. He continues to live life with guilt, all hope still lost until he is gifted a time device that can transport him to parallel universes, dimensions and alternate worlds, where he begins his quest to find his lost love. Crossing a hundred of realities and living twenty-five lifetimes just to bring her back into his arms.

“Stars die. they die and they are not sorry

No matter how much the moon says otherwise.

Stars die and your whole galaxy explodes.”

For the majority of Katsuki Bakugo’s life, he is the main star of the show.

Then, you came into his life and made everything else feel like a rehearsal.

In a world where he mostly treated everyone in his life as extras, you were the main heroine.

When he put up walls around himself, you brought them crashing down.

To him, the concept of love and loving someone romantically was foreign. It always came to him as a question, If whether or not love was something worth living for and sacrificing for, giving your half to another person to be whole, when he can already live for himself.

It was always a question… until you became the answer.

 “Use my new baby wisely! Okay, Bakugo-san!?”

Hatsume Mei, a schoolmate of Katsuki back in his UA days, warned him cautiously. She was now an esteemed scientist, one of the best in the country. Katsuki was the first one to come into her mind when she finally completed her new invention, a gadget that can transfer a person’s soul and being to a different body; one in a different space time continuum.

It was as if living a new and different life.

In another universe.

The concept of the device was pretty straight-forward. You are able to go to different dimensions and live the life of your other self; then if it wasn’t the world you wanted to live in, you are free to disappear and go to another parallel universe. It raised skepticism at first and it sounded too good to be true, as how could something as extravagant and complex as this become possible? But they were living in a world full of heroes with the most unique and bizarre quirks, so why can’t it be possible?

This was his chance.

Maybe, with this, he can bring back (Y/N)…

All along, there had been hope.

He was finally going to see her again.

His thoughts bring him back to the day of the incident.

What was reported to be a regular villain attack, escalated into something that no one could expect.

She was the only casualty-

 And he was a minute too late.

Was he not fast enough? What could have happened if he had gotten there in time? Hundreds of hundreds of scenarios of what could’ve been still continue to haunt him until this very day, what could have happened if he had only arrived there earlier to save her? The things he would do to see her beautiful face and feel her calming presence once more, to see the loving woman he went back to after a tiring day, to pepper kisses on, to be dancing with in the kitchen at 2 am, to be the sharing the first cup of coffee with in the morning, the one to wake up to every single morning…

The one whom you’d share the rest of your life with.

But, now… that life was gone.

Seeing your limp and unmoving body surrounded by debris was the most devastating experience and image he had to see and go through in his entire life.

He could do nothing but hold you in his arms, gritting his teeth, tears streaming down from his cheeks, feeling nothing but frustration and powerlessness as the world came crashing down on him.

 “Dammit (Y/N!) Why you? Why did it have to be you?”

Your resting eyes and dormant body remain steady and… cold. Your boyfriend rests his head on your shoulder, trying to hide that he was bawling in pain and sorrow. Katsuki began to feel the weight of his emotions pulling him down, his thoughts reminding him of his past failures and mistakes, and now that this accident that met your demise became one of those said mistakes, how will he be able to recover? If he was able to overcome his demons and insecurities solely because of you, his friends, and his parental figures to guide him… will he even be able to do the same once again?

He was the #2 Pro Hero too… What will the public think of him?

After he had failed to save the one that he had loved the most?

It has been a year since then.

Katsuki’s life went on without you. 

Well, of course it did, Of course it does. It was just an ending, they told him. Not the end.

He told the general public that he had been slowly recovering and that he was able to bounce back to his usual explosive self. Still yelling, still being the competitive and pompous ass he is, even as a Pro-hero. But his friends and family weren’t dumb. Kirishima, his closest confidante knew there was something wrong with him. His parents noticed too that he still wasn’t himself. All of them did.

They all knew Katsuki still hasn’t recovered from the incident at all.

I mean, who would right?

It was perfectly normal to mourn. It was part of the healing process. The Pro Hero Dynamight still can’t move on and that feeling was valid. It takes time to fully heal and he had already made it clear time and time again that he will never ever love someone like the way he loved (Y/N).

But, if there was a way to bring her back, then he wanted to take that chance.

When Izuku heard of news from Hatsume Mei’s newest invention, Katsuki’s green-haired childhood friend immediately told him about it.

Although he was unsure at first, the quirky scientist assured him to wait a little bit more for the trials of the device to finish if he wasn’t sure about it. And when her test subject came back safely, bringing home their lost relative from another universe, that was when Katsuki became sure of his plans.

This was the key to bring (Y/N) back.

It wasn’t going to be easy but he would do absolutely everything just to see you again.

And with that, the day of his world-jumping adventure (literally) had finally arrived.

Bidding farewell to his family and friends, a small gut feeling inside of him says that this might be the last time he’ll ever see them again… and so, in the most Katsuki Bakugo fashion ever, he thanked everyone present that day… indirectly. He expressed appreciation to those who supported him and helped him throughout his life.

Now, it was his time to find the girl who had been there for him the most.

(through his darkest times and saddest nights, she was the ray of sunshine.)

He took a deep breath, turning to his loved ones one last time, a solemn nod yet the cheekiest smirk present on his face as he disappears, whisked away to another world.

The parallel universes that he was going through dropped him into different years of his life. So, Bakugo had to adapt to knowing what age his other self was in the timeline he was currently in. He was lucky that most of the time he landed in a world and at the time where he was a student at UA.

The time where he originally met you.

He needed to take note of every world he had been too because not only were each and every one so different. Katsuki wasn’t a poetic person (his vocabulary mostly composed of colorful words.) but as he continued to jump through so many parallel universes, he had begun to take note of the ones that stood out to him the most. In the form of a poem, one that he thought you would appreciate when he finally reunites with you. Another you at least.

[❝ The very first time I remember you, you are blonde and don’t love me back.❞

✧  This is the first parallel universe in where you were an upperclassman. From Class 3-A. A friend of Nejire, one of the big three. Katsuki was so delighted to see you, only for you to not know him. He was currently one of the most popular students in UA, of course he is, but you paid him no attention, passing by him in the hallways as if he was just another regular freshman, instead, you were seen holding hands with some slimey-looking guy that Katsuki has never ever seen in school. This wasn’t you. Or, at least, this wasn’t the (Y/N) he was looking for. This was only the first parallel world. He wasn’t going to give up.

[❝  The next time you are brunette, and you do.❞ ]

✧ Unrequited love. What a stupid cliché. In this world, he was an idiot too far up his own ass, whilst the entirety of Class 1-A loathed him and did not look up to him like the way they did in his original world. Katsuki was so caught up in trying to change his personality, that he failed to notice you. The girl who was always in the back of the classroom, looking out the window. You were always just there. Never noticed. Admiring him from afar.

[❝ After a while I give up trying to guess if the color of your hair means anything. because even if you don’t exist, I am always in love with you. ❞ ]

✧  This was practically the same world that Katsuki originated from. Only you were missing. Every single event that transpired in his life, had happened in this parallel universe. The USJ Incident, The Forest Camp Training, The Trip to to Nabu Island… everything. There was this huge empty space that you were supposed to fill. Except, you didn’t exist in this universe. It was the quietness and the lack of your presence in this world that bothers him. Katsuki wonders how this other self of his could continue this life without you in the picture.

[❝ I remember most fondly those lifetimes where we get to grow up together, when you share your secrets and sorrows and hiding places with me. ❞ ]

✧  This universe surprised him with puppy love. Here, he was brought back to his childhood. You were his dearest friend and childhood sweetheart. The three of you along with Deku, were a trio. At a very young age, you kept his feet on the ground, never wanting him to think that he was above everyone else despite his powerful quirk. The young Bakugo was able to share his frustrations and insecurities to you, while you always listened. You were always there. He talked about his quirk and his complaints about how the other kids only liked him for his powers, but not for who he actually is. You continued to support him and love him wholesomely for who he was and he was glad to have a friend like you and…. Deku. (as much as he didn’t want to admit it 

However, it ended there. The two of you lying down on the hill, looking up at the stars, and shyly holding hands. Just randomly faded away. And in a blink of an eye, the timeline shifts forward to middle school. His worst years, he would say.

He was so eager to see you again and hopefully remain friends with Izuku after all this time.

Yet, you were nowhere to be found and… Izuku wasn’t his friend anymore.

Apparently, the two of you became distant after graduating elementary because you moved away and never got into contact with him ever again.

This was too heartbreaking for this universe’s Bakugo. To have such a wonderful and healthy social life when he was a kid, only for all of that to just disappear when he started middle school. On to the next parallel world then.

[❝ I love how you play along with my bad ideas, before you grow up and realize they are bad ideas. And in our times together I have many bad ideas.❞ ]

✧  The Sludge Villain. A very traumatizing experience that still haunts Katsuki until this very day. In this world, you were still friends with him. Always following him around and making sure he didn’t get into trouble. He continuously pushes you away, telling you that he didn’t need you and you shouldn’t be controlling of him.

You finally had enough of his arrogance that day and… got into an argument with him.  It was the same day as the Sludge Villain incident.

It happened in this universe too.

After he was captured by said villain, you ran after him, tears welling up in your eyes, wanting to reach out and save him. The sludge villain noticed you, and became more interested in your quirk, targeting you instead. All Might was a little too late and…

The incident led you to losing your quirk and having to live in a hospital for the rest of your years.

It felt like a long bad dream. One that reminded him of your demise in his original world. Bakugo immediately teleported to a different parallel universe. Not wanting to deal with that kind of sadness ever again.

[❝ When we meet as adults you’re always much more discerning. I don’t blame you. Yet, always, you forgive me.❞ ]

✧ In this universe, you were in the same hero agency. Not knowing each other prior to this. Bakugo was the new hotshot that all the other heroes in your agency were going crazy about, just because he was from UA and was attractive. You didn’t get the hype and why everyone else was fawning over him. He was a Pro-hero just like all of you. So, when you finally met him in the flesh, you could immediately tell he was a conceited ass by the way he looked at you and by the way he presented himself.

Unbeknownst to you, Dynamight’s heart was fluttering with happiness at the sight of seeing you again. Your Pro-hero self. Caring, Bad-ass, Confident, and Courageous… It was you.

Almost you.

After being partnered up with him in hero work for the past months, he began to turn soft, a bit annoying, and act flustered whenever you were around which you immediately thought was very out of character for him.

Then he confesses.

You said no.

It just didn’t feel right. First, your hero career was more important to you and you just couldn’t reciprocate those feelings back. The two of you weren’t for each other, and he understood that. He left you for a moment to go get get some “fresh air.”

Bakugo was getting frustrated. His mind going hazy at the thought that he’s gone to so many parallel worlds yet still haven’t found you is slowly beginning to take a toll on him. But he still wasn’t going to give up.

[❝ As if you understand what’s going on, and you’re making up for all the lifetimes in which one of us doesn’t exist, and the ones where we just, barely, never meet. I hate those. I prefer the ones in which you kill me.❞ ]

✧  The next alternate worlds he went to were an absolute mess. One of them where the two of you barely meet. Merely passing by each other in the street, opening the door for you or entering the same convenience store. Fate not wanting the two of you to meet. Like magnets being pulled away from each other. A romance movie without the romance. As if telling Katsuki that the two of you were never meant to meet in this universe. Don’t even bother.

Then there’s the other one where you were a merciless villain and he was a pro-hero who had to defeat you. He couldn’t do that. You overpowered him.

But, hey, at least he got to see you as the girl who didn’t put up with his shit and could care less about him. Not to mention you were a part of the organization that was against everything that he stood for as a hero.

It was a tragedy. Not the Romeo and Juliet kind, but reminiscent of it. With Romeo sacrificing his life, yet Juliet remains the same and indifferent.

[❝ But when all’s said and done, I’d surrender to you in other ways. Even though each time, I know I’ll see you again, I always wonder is this the last time? Is that really you? And what if you’re perfectly happy without me?❞ ]

✧ Bakugo was finally teleported to a reality where he was a high school student again. However, he wasn’t studying in UA. Instead, having to go to a regular high school (which he was totally irritated about because why is his parallel self here going to a regular school in the first place? What happened to him?) The two of you pass by each other on your way home. Going off in different directions. You were a student at UA, laughing and mindlessly chatting with his friends. Mina, Kirishima, Denki, and Sero…

All of you barely even noticing him and acknowledging his presence.

At this moment, he realized that maybe you weren’t meant to meet in this world again. He felt like a simple character in the background. A small speck of dust in your universe. God, why was he thinking this? This wasn’t like him. He slowly lost his confidence as he goes from one parallel world to the next to find you. He couldn’t even motivate and give himself pep talks anymore. Has he reached the breaking point? Is he still even himself? Is he still Katsuki Bakugo?

Maybe, he should just give up trying at this point. Every single alternate reality so far all ended in tragedy. Not once were the two of you able to reconcile and have a happy ending. It was not like him to give up, but the chances at this point were slim and in each alternate universe, Bakugo just become more and more disappointed with how things turned out with your other-worldly selves…

It was as if the only universe where the two of you became happy was in his original world.

Was he going to stop here?

[❝ Ah, but I don’t blame you; I’ll never burn as brilliantly as you. It’s only fair that I should be the one to chase you across ten, twenty-five, a hundred lifetimes.❞ ]

✧  This was it. The twenty-fifth parallel world. Hopefully, the last one that he has to go to and hopefully the one where he finally he finds you.

Bakugo jumps into the portal, expecting the vibrant colors and hues of the city to appear around him, only for him to be transported to a white box.

In the middle of this white void was a cherry blossom tree. Blooming in the prettiest pink colors, and swaying with the non-existent wind. Near it was a small bench. A feminine figure sitting on it, facing the tree.

It was you.

You.

Katsuki knows it’s you because it’s the same dress you wore that day.

A beautiful blue dress that the two of you bought when you were out for some errands. It was the kind of blue that reminded you of the sky, which is why you bought it in the first place. You were saving it for that day, to wear when you visit Katsuki at work and drop him off his bento lunch.

That day.

Instead of a sky reflecting off of your dress, it became grey. Like the color of a storm instead.

He remembers fondly what happened at that same morning. He was getting ready for hero work, whilst you were rummaging for something inside the closet.

“Ahah!” You exclaimed, finally pulling out something to wear. The sound of the wardrobe hangers clinking from the inside.

Katsuki wanted to take a peek of you but you were giving him no chances. You see him trying to take a look when you noticed his blonde hair spiking up more than usual.

“Hey! No peeking!” You giggled, hiding yourself even further inside your closet.

“Gah. Come on! Just one?” He groans, teasing you, trying his best to pull out his puppy tone. “Please?”

“No.” You deadpanned seriously and you could practically feel him pop a vein.

“Hey! What was that for!? I was just joking-“

“I was just joking too you weirdo.” You giggled again, stepping out of the closet. You take a deep breath and straighten your dress, twirling around for him to see. “How do I look?”

He dashes towards you, picking you up from the ground as he begins to twirl you around.

“Katsuki! Put me down!” You chuckle, feeling his strong arms wrapped around you. “You’re going to be late for work!” You tap his back lightly, trying to get him to put you back on the ground.

“You’re beautiful. You always are.” He says seriously. Not a tinge of playfulness or abrasive in his voice. He was still holding you up, but positioned you in a way that the both of your faces were inches away from each other, gazing at each other’s eyes.

The both of you lean in for a sweet and blissful kiss. It felt light and comforting. A feeling that you always have whenever you were with him. A very giddy feeling.

And at that same day, when he saw you again, surrounded by darkness, your eyes closed, your body tranquil and your gentle face looking ever so at peace…

You still looked beautiful, even then.

“Suki-kun.” You wave at him from afar, a solemn smile present on your face. You beckon him to sit next to you but he hesitates.

“(Y/N)…” His voice cracks, not really noticeable, but you could hear it. “Tch… are you.. real? Is this really you?”

“It’s me, love.” You continue to show him your smile. As you blink, you were suddenly caught in his arms. Katsuki was hugging you tightly like there was no tomorrow, his head nestled on your shoulder. His hug felt warm yet cold, like he had been hugging skeletons all this time whilst trying to find you.

You had no words to say to him.

It was just that kind of moment.

Hearing your voice, hugging you tight, holding your hand, and seeing your smile was enough for him at the moment.

This was you.

Actually you.

“It seemed like a lifetime ago when I began searching for you.” He whispered softly, his voice still so rough yet loving all the same.  

A lifetime of pain and sorrow. Of disappointment and missed opportunities.

“Ah…” Your voice trails off. “We don’t have much time left.”

“Huh? What the hell do you mean?” You untangle yourself from his arms, cupping his cheek and rubbing your thumb whilst he holds your hand still.

“I-I can’t go back to our original universe.” You mumble, trying to fight back the tears and continuing to caress his face. “We can’t go back together.”

“(Y/N)!” Bakugo’s face goes stern, as realization hits him. “Shit! (Y/N)! Look, We can get out of here okay!? There’s this device I have-“ The device on his wrist dissolves into nothing as the room around you begins to be consumed by darkness, like sucking you into a black hole.

“Katsuki… no. It’s hopeless! We can’t-“

“Damn it (Y/N)! I’ve traveled through every fucking imaginable universe possible just to find you again! I’ve gone through hell and back just to see you again! I’m not going to leave without you!”

Before you could answer his rebuttal, the bench that both of you were sitting on vanishes and now the two of you were falling in an endless black hole.

As this parallel world around you began spinning faster and faster, the two of you floated upwards, hands locked tightly together, and your eyes sad and bewildered.

The two of you watched as your faces grew younger back to your high school years, like this universe was going in reverse, moving the both of you backwards in time.

You were still holding onto Katsuki’s hands, trying to savor the last few moments with him as you began to say your goodbyes, tears coursing down your face.

“Katsuki… I know you had seen things you wish you hadn’t. You have done things you wish you could take back and I know you’ve been wondering why you’ve been thrown into all of this, why you had to suffer the way you did and why you had to go through so much just to find me. The ghost of me. And as you were going through all these alternate universes alone and hurting, I wish I could tell you that it’s okay. Even if you don’t find me again, I will always be here. My presence will always be lingering. I will live in your heart, Katsuki Bakugo. You deserve the whole world for traveling through twenty-five lifetimes just to look for me. I love you with all my heart, my soul, my being, and all that is left of me… I love you.”

“I-I love you too. Through all these lifetimes I’ve spent with another you, you will always be the one.” Katsuki mumbled, pulling you for one last kiss.

A kiss ever so soft and sweet, worth all the lives he’s experienced.

“Let’s meet again in another lifetime.”

Time continued to reverse back, to the point you no longer knew who you were with. Their face being blocked by a gleam of light. You were grasping the hands of a stranger, but you didn’t let go. And neither did they.

For a moment, there was a calming presence. A whole new world was opening up like a vortex, swallowing the both of you…

Into a whole new universe.

“(Y/N)-chan! Wait up!”

“Oh? Ochaco-chan!”

The brown-haired girl catches up to you, holding on to your arm as she catches her breath. “Can you believe it’s our first day in UA!?”

“I can’t believe it either!” You giggle along with her, taking in the sight that was the top hero academy of Japan.

It was finally the month of April.

The Cherry blossoms were blooming, symbolizing a time of renewal, a time for change and a time to turn over a new leaf.

Today is your first day in UA  Academy.

You still haven’t even grasped the fact that you even got in the first place.

Everything still feels so surreal.

The entrance exams and the excitement you felt whilst waiting for the results to release and now, you were about to step foot into the school of your dreams?

What an amazing start to your high school life indeed.

You and Ochaco were standing in the middle of the walkway, still in awe of all the pretty sights when someone bumped into you.

“Hey! Watch where you’re going!” You called out.

No response.

You turn to take a good look at the person who knocked against you and it was… a guy.

Blonde. Spiky Hair. Hand in his Pockets. Earphones on. His pants worn loose.

God, what a dork.

“It’s alright (Y/N)-chan! He probably didn’t hear us.” Ochaco assured you, trying to pull you away from him before you could even start a fight.

You sighed, turning to your friend with a smile. “Fine. Fineee. Shall we head to class?”

“Class 1-A! Here we go!” She holds onto your arm once more as the both of you giggle and hop your way into the classroom.

“Ochaco-chan! What are you saying!? You do know I got sorted into a different class right? I’m in Class 1-B!”

“A-ah! You’re right! I’m sorryyyy (Y/N)-chan!”

Bakugo turns his head to look back at your animated figure walking behind him. He stares at you for a good second whilst readjusting the earphone on his left ear, as he too, heads on his way to his Class 1-A.

There is something so delicate about time, so fragile. In a slight moment, you can miss something so pivotal, yet never have the chance to see or witness it ever again.

 Feeling the presence of the person you would be spending the rest of your life with, joining the dots in the sky, and wondering when your stars would align.

Until then, you will dream of him, and he will do the same. 

It was only a matter of time. You will cross paths again.

[❝ until I find the one where you’ll return to me.❞ ]

- Fin.

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