#the show is in a floating timeline so please ignore the fact that it's weird for the gene and courtney show to have already happened

[golden--doodler]

Here are all of the panels that I have of my Bob's Burgers comic featuring my OC, Alexis, thus far (I've shared the first few, but I have more now)! Work on it has been slow going because making a comic is hard. And yes, I know that it looks inconsistent because some of the pages were drawn digitally and a few were drawn on actual paper that I scanned into my computer (I wanted to experiment with different looks for the characters, which is why, and then decided to go back to digital).

I hope y'all enjoy what I have so far!

I also just realized I somehow forgot to draw Bob's mustache so you get cursed mustacheless Bob-- 😭

[thebibliomancer]

Essential Avengers: Avengers #209: The Resurrection Stone

July, 1981

“The Resurrection Stone: will it save the universe -- or destroy it?”

Well, the universe hasn’t been destroyed, at least circa the comics I read this morning. But it hasn’t really been saved either.

Still, pretty intriguing tagline. Pretty intriguing cover.

And written by J.M. DeMatteis. One of the Kraven’s Last Hunt guys. He doesn’t seem to do a lot of Avengers.

Let’s see how he do Earth’s Mightiest Team of Specifically This Four On the Cover.

We start with some silent intriguing intrigue as an alien ship crashes into Nevada and an alien crawls from the alien wreckage. Instead of distributing rings to people, he gets shot by a green guy who likes purple. I sure can’t think of several people that this applies to.

The shooter checks some possibly alien PDA but then beams up as the ship explodes.

How baffling.

Ok, J.M. DeMatteis. You have my interest.

So we start chapter one-

Chapter one? What is it with fill-ins and putting chapters in Avengers books. That three dooms one from a while back also did this.

Anyway, chapter one of this normal length Avengers adventure: “Love... and Death!”

So on specifically April 10th, 1981 2:17 PM (a fact which we must firmly ignore in these sliding timescale days), Beast has brought an old flame to Avengers Mansion to meet Wonder Man, Vision, and Scarlet Witch.

Presumably all of the other Avengers couldn’t make it. Or Beast didn’t want them meeting Vera.

Oh, and she’s not a new old flame.

Vera Cantor goes back to X-Men #19 in 1966. She knew him before he blue it! And she was the one who got away because mutant biz kept getting in the way.

But they had a chance meeting in a Soho bar and they’re giving it another shot!

I guess Beast is finally settling down from his wild party dating multiple women at a time days.

And y’know what? He and Vera are cute together.

Beast is exuberantly in love with her. He’s apparently been talking about nothing else for weeks.

Scarlet Witch: “Vision -- just look at the Beast’s eyes -- I’ve never seen them sparkle so. He must be in love.”

Beast is so excited he’s bouncing on the couch and jumping all over the place and bumping into Jarvis. Knocking the tea tray out of the butler’s hands.

Beast, pls. Reign in.

He does manage to catch the tray in his feet though. No spilling.

Its a bit weird that Jarvis is here to be bumped into. He’s supposed to have one of his days off to visit his mom and get some of that “near-mythical Yorkshire pudding.”

But he brushes off the question with concern over the bad impression all of this is giving the guest.

Vera doesn’t mind though. She’s used to his obstreperous (“noisy and difficult to control”) nature and finds how energetic he is to be part of why he’s so cute.

The blue fuzz surely does not hurt!

Oh. And then Vera takes a sip of the tea Jarvis brought and immediately keels over dead.

The butler did it??

Jarvis. You made it too strong!

No, no. Surely not. Jarvis would never make such an error or miss out on Yorkshire pudding.

“Jarvis” is actually... A SKRULL!

Beast wastes no time slamming the Skrull into the wall but said Skrull says ‘hey you want the woman to live again maybe keep your hands to yourself.’

And Beast backs off, sensing some truth in the Skrull’s tone.

The Skrull: “Ah -- that’s a bit more like it. Even in this vile atmosphere, I do so value my ability to breathe!”

By the by the by, this guy goes unnamed until 2008 in a Secret Invasion infobook but I’m not about that. His name is Jaddak.

Jaddak channels his inner-Darkseid and sits in the comfiest chair provocatively and begins on THE TALE OF THE RESURRECTION STONE!

Seems that millennia ago there was a space civilization in space that merged high science and high sorcery to bring an epoch of peace and plenitude to all then known worlds.

The epoch of peace and plentitude looks a lot like someone jammed Medieval knights and castles into rocket times.

Which I guess fits the whole union of science and magic thing.

And then the greatest scientist-wizard, Tus'Au, invented the Resurrection Stone and ruined everything.

The stone, as the name implied, could bring life back to the dead. And while that doesn’t seem too impressive by today’s standards where plot devices to resurrect the dead are so numerous (including just teleporting out of heaven) that it doesn’t bear counting, remember that this was an earlier, more innocent time. A filler time.

Everyone wanted this Resurrection Stone and a great war ignited that eventually ruined a thousand, thousand planets.

Amidst that nonsense, the stone itself was lost forever.

Until an Anthigorite archeologist named Krru, like, did some serious research. Around about 5,000 years worth of research. And thanks to all his book learning, he eventually found the stone.

Which was unfortunate because Jaddak had been stalking him this whole time, sure that he’d eventually find it.

He chased Krru over twelve solar systems, finally blasting him out of the sky over Earth. But when Jaddak searched Krru’s ship and checked the recorder-log, as we saw in the opening two pages, he learned that Krru had decided that the Resurrection Stone was inherently corruptive and should have remained lost.

You know an ancient magical stone is bad news when an archeologist goes ‘actually you don’t belong in a museum.’

So when Krru was shot down, as a last ditch effort, he broke the stone in two and sent both halves into Earth’s past so they’d be lost forever.

I have so many questions.

If they were sent to the past then they’d be in the present now unless destroyed in the past. That’s how time works.

Two, dick move, Krru. You think this thing is inherently corruptive and you drop it into Earth’s past, possibly altering the timeline? Fuck you.

But with the stones in the past forever inaccessible clearly, Jaddak decided, hey this should be the Avengers’ problem and not mine.

Jaddak: “I knew then that I needed... pawns. Powerful pawns.”

Wonder Man: “Pawns... as in -- Avengers. And that’s why you struck down an innocent woman?!”

Jaddak: “It seemed a splendid idea at the time!”

Pffffffft.

Ok, I know. I know. This is a terrible situation in-universe but also out of universe because they brought back Vera only to immediately stuff her into the fridge.

But this skrull going ‘look it seemed like a good idea at the time’ cracks me up.

Seemed like a good idea doesn’t cut the mustard with Wonder Man who just hauls off and punches Jaddak into the bookcase.

Vision even verbally pats him on the back for it.

Vision: “Well played, Simon. -- There was no need to listen to this madman's rantings any longer.”

But as the Avengers congregate to stomp on Jaddak’s head a few times, I presume, Beast stops them.

Cradling Vera’s body he says he’ll do anything to bring her back.

;__;

And that brings us to chapter two: “DOOM in the DARK AGES!”

Let me just get ahead of any hypothetical questions I wouldn’t even be able to hear until after the fact anyway. Tragically Doctor Doom does not show up.

Whoof, a lot of exposition at the beginning of chapter 2. Because a lot of stuff happened off-panel, between pages.

Real Jarvis had been contacted to make sure he’s okay. The four Avengers took a Quinjet to the Fantastic Four and told Reed Richards what’s going on. Reed went ‘sure I’ll lend you Doctor Doom’s time machine and send you to the coordinates a SKRULL gave you.’ And Jaddak went to go wait in his spaceship with Vera’s body.

So now the Avengers are in September 16, 1348, England. Prompting Vision to start giving a lecture on the bubonic plague.

Scarlet Witch: “Darling, please. Not now.”

Save it for the bedroom, Vizh.

The locals respond, understandably enough, with hostility to the people that just appeared in thin air dressed like clowns. They call the Avengers demons and unholy creatures and tell them to tell a wizard Devlunn to fuck off and that he can’t have any more of their dead.

Wanda decides that explaining time travel and superheroes from the FUTURE is more trouble than its worth. Instead, she plays along.

Scarlet Witch: “Devlunn? We are far greater than that upstart! He is a mere wind -- we are the storm!”

And then she fires off some of her bolts to cow the villagers so she can ask if anyone wants to take her to “this weakling Devlunn.”

See Wanda figured out based on the one comment that someone toying with the dead might be linked to the half of the Resurrection Stone they’re here to find. Or one would hope someone toying with the dead has a dumb magic reason for it!

One of the villagers does volunteer to take Wanda to Devlunn.

Villager: “I pray you four are as powerful as you appear -- for it will take great magicks indeed to best this lunatic child.”

Because, yup, Devlunn is a ten-year old child.

And yup, he has half of the Resurrection Stone.

He also has a big crowd of locals begging him to return their dead since they did promise to follow him and give him all that they own. Really, that’s a fair trade for some moldy old corpses, right?

Devlunn: “Why should I listen to you? When this talisman fell from the sky and whispered to me -- I knew then it could make me a god! And gods do as they please!”

Welp.

Beast: “No one should play god, Devlunn. -- Least of all obnoxious little boys! C’mon guys -- let’s get this over with!”

And Wonder Man punches the tower Devlunn is standing on and Vision SOLAR BEAMs it and a ten year old child falls off a tower.

And then he just stops in midair and floats.

Not sure why the Resurrection Stone also has flying powers. That seems beyond the scope of what it was designed to do.

That’s like if you had a scroll of fireball that also did your taxes.

Yes, that would be amazing. But the two things aren’t related things.

Anyway, Devlunn takes these four weirdos in stride.

Devlunn: “Ah -- so I’ve impressed you with my little trick! Good! For, you see, I know who you are! You are spirits from heaven to test me to see if I’m worthy of godhood -- to see if my talisman can do more than merely hold me on high like some wingless bird! You wish a show of strength -- a little play! And what you wish -- Devlunn-the-god shall grant!”

And then he sicks a horde of zombies on the fearless foursome.

The four realize the truth of Devlunn’s half of the Resurrection Stone. Because this is a cool magic artifact that conceptually splits in half instead of just physically or in terms of output or whatever.

Devlunn’s half gives life to the dead but only life without the spark of the soul. Aka, zombies.

Also, not very impressive zombies. They’re more pitiable than formidable. And Devlunn isn’t much of a necromancer.

The Avengers fight them. Well, except for Vision. Vision just lets them flail against him ineffectually.

Beast rushes through the pack of zombies, even grabbing one with his thighs to toss out of the way?, towards Devlunn and then takes the 1/2 Resurrection Stone like candy from a baby.

Revealing Devlunn to not be a great and powerful wizard but rather a very sad child.

Devlunn: “My stone give it to me! Give it back, I say! I was... nothing until it came to me! My family -- my friends -- all died! But the stone made me important! It gave me control over death! It made me safe! Please give it back! Please -- I want to be a god! I have to be a god!”

And then he collapses to the ground and starts crying while the Avengers are whisked away into the future by Reed.

So, that’s sad.

And I don’t imagine chapter three (“Rosenblatt’s Dance!”) is going to be any cheerier.

It’s now April 13, 1945. Dachau.

So. Yeah.

The Avengers blink into existence right in the middle of some Allied troops chasing some Nazis. And not being ones to miss a chance to go ape shit on some Nazis, Wonder Man goes ape shit on some Nazis.

Unlike the dark ages peeps, the Allied soldiers see some random people with superpowers wearing bright clothes and go ‘ah, superheroes’ and ask if they’re with the Invaders or the Liberty Legion.

Wonder Man: “Right. I’m... uh... Captain America.”

Phew. Timeline secure.

Anyway, they’re glad to see some superheroes because they’ve got a messy situation at Dachau. And its nothing that punching Nazis can fix.

So, yeah this is set at a concentration camp so its not going to be particularly happy.

The one who has the other half of the Resurrection Stone is a man named Rosenblatt. And this half of the stone also has half the power of the full stone. But in this case it returns the soul to a lifeless husk.

And Rosenblatt has used it to revive his dead wife and daughters and he’s joyfully dancing with their lifeless bodies while they beg him to let them go and free them of this existence.

It’d be really messed up if the usual superhero methods had to be applied here but thankfully the less employed but still common superhero empathy is in the quiver.

Beast approaches the guy and just talks to him.

Beast: “You have to set their souls free.”

Rosenblatt: “Are you the devil, come to take them? Well -- they’ve been in hell long enough. They’ll never be yours!”

Beast: “Look at them, my friend -- they will never be yours either. Not the way you knew them. The way you cherished them. Give me the jewel. P-please...”

And his words get through to the man who hands the half Resurrection Stone off to Beast.

And as before, the instant they have the stone, Reed yanks them forward in time.

Y’know. This only occurred to me on my second read. Maybe if Reed hadn’t instantly pulled them out of that time, it would have occurred to Beast ‘hey wait I have both halves now, I could combine them and bring this guy’s family back to life for real and not in some cursed half existence.’

Doesn’t really work with how the book goes, but it’s a thought.

And now for the thrilling conclusion: Chapter 4 The Cost!

April 10th, 1981, SPACE.

So we’re back in the then present.

A Quinjet flies into space, as Quinjets can apparently do, to meet with Jaddak’s spaceship. Jaddak contacts them over the space Zoom and tells Beast that he’ll have to teleport over alone with the Resurrection Stone.

The other Avengers think this is reeeeeaaally fishy and don’t really like the idea of letting Jaddak get the Resurrection Stone but they can’t tell Beast what to do. This is his weird fill-in issue quest and it has to be his decision.

So Beast teleports over alone. And finds himself in a chamber with a video screen. Skrull ain’t taking any chances.

He’s hidden behind an unbreachable wall. Through the video screen he tells Beast to deposit the stone in a portal which will send it over to the skrull who will test it for authenticity.

Then, he’ll use it to revive Vera. Swearsies.

Beast: “And why should I trust you?”

Jaddak: “Because I am a Skrull. Treacherous and savage as my people are -- we value honor more than life.”

Doubt.

Beast pauses to consider the power of the Resurrection Stone. Thinks about Devlunn and his zombies and Rosenblatt’s dance.

Beast: “Vera... I’m sorry. But this power is too much for any man to hold. I hope you can forgive me for what I’m about to do -- and I hope I can forgive myself!”

And then Beast slams the two halves of the Resurrection Stone together, KRUNCHing them into dust.

Jaddak: “Y-you crushed it! But that is... impossible! My plan was perfection! The vagaries of human love should have assured me victory!”

Wonder Man: “There are higher forms of love, Skrull -- but don’t strain your brain trying to figure out what they are!”

Because, yes, Wonder Man, Scarlet Witch, and Vision are also here now.

Vision intangibled onto the ship while Jaddak was distracted and used Jaddak’s own teleporters to bring the other two aboard.

As for that unbreachable wall?

Nah. Totally breachable. Wonder Man peels it open like nothing.

Jaddak tries to use Vera’s dead body as a hostage but Scarlet Witch blasts the gun apart in his hands with a SQUAKK.

So there may be a bird that used to be a gun loose on the ship.

And that just leaves one thing to take care of.

Beast jumps at Jaddak and starts slamming him around.

Scarlet Witch protests that Beast is going to kill Jaddak but Wonder Man tells her that Beast has to left off some steam.

Wonder Man: “He has to vent some steam or he’ll really snap! Besides you know Hank as well as I do -- that Skrull will get some much-needed lumps -- but that’s all!”

Beast: “Yeah. That’s our Beastie. A hero to the end. Can’t even bring myself to play the old ‘eye for an eye’ game. Not that it would do me one stinking bit of good. I’ve lost her -- forever.”

AND THEN AN EPILOGUE. Later that day at the Baxter Building.

Reed has been involved between panels this whole story and now he gets exposition exposited to him to fill in the gaps and in return he’s going to exposit too.

Wonder Man explains that he, Wanda, and Vision always intended to destroy the Resurrection Stone if Beast went through with the deal with Jaddak. Not that they thought he would. Knowing Hank McCoy and all.

But its a subversion of the ‘this is something he must do himself’ trope. Where they left the decision in Beast’s hands but also planned to go over his head if he made the wrong decision and put the scary power of phoenix down in the hands of the Skrulls.

Gotta keep your friends honest or something.

So now Reed has news. Weird news about Vera.

The poison that Jaddak used was super rare, so rare that Jaddak didn’t even know how it worked. He just had to be a murder hipster and goofed up.

Its actually a slow-acting poison that takes days to fully kill someone so Vera is technically only mostly dead. She could theoretically be cured one day.

So Reed has thrown her into a suspended animation tube and hopes to come up with an antidote eventually (which he doesn’t but Vera ends up cured anyway in Defenders #105 about a year later in another story by J.M. DeMatteis).

What is it about weird filler stories and having someone end up in a freezer tube to be maybe cured later?

Reed Richards: I know it’s not much of a chance, Beast -- but at least there’s hope.”

Beast: “There’s hope -- !”

Follow @essential-avengers​ because one day I’ll be up to date on that blog and it’ll have Essential Avengers stuff and no miscellaneous reblogs of other stuff. Wouldn’t that be nice? Maybe? Also like and reblog if you like to reblog.

[autumnrory]

okay ik like everything’s been said about steve’s ending in endgame and i’ve made a million little posts but i’ve been meaning to write my own essay bc i’m MAD (if u liked it for him then like i’m sure u don’t wanna read so u can scroll on past) and there’s a lot of other stuff i didn’t like/that didn’t make sense about the movie but this post is about steve anyway let’s go

so from what i can tell there is not even a consensus among people who liked the ending whether it’s the same timeline or an alternate timeline but let’s talk about the possibilities here and what they mean, at least based on my understanding

option 1: same timeline

this means one of two things. either steve was actually peggy’s husband all along OR by going back and marrying her, that erases her husband and children entirely.

so if steve was peggy’s husband all along, that means that?? old steve has been walking around this entire time and nobody knew about it? this means that in 2016 sharon carter was like “you know what would be fun? kissing my great uncle when he’s young and hot” which WOW i thought it was icky before just bc she was PEGGY’S niece? marvel might have just made that worse. and hey, i’ll be fair, i’m sure in the very little time they likely took to think about this ending, they definitely weren’t thinking about sharon, considering they hardly thought about her when she was actually appearing in the movies. if steve was peggy’s husband all along, that means she was lying in the smithsonian footage, which hey, i don’t doubt her ability to lie, but the whole ass video is floating around out there and i’m just not sure you can fake that kind of emotion. when they ask her about her being the last person to talk to steve? that is a person talking about losing someone they cared for six years ago. it just contradicts so much of catws and other parts of the mcu (and the idea that people have that this was the plan the entire time? yeah fucking right the writers do not plan like that if they did there wouldn’t be so many fucking inconsistencies in this universe. i’m willing to bet they couldn’t name peggy’s husband in catws bc they were planning agent carter and thought there would be an explicit confirmation of who it was) and anyway, even if steve was her husband all along, there’s no way either steve or peggy could have KNOWN that she didn’t have a future being erased. so would either of them have really WANTED to take that chance?

the other option is of course that peggy moved on from steve, fell in love with somebody else, got married, had children, grandchildren, etc. if that’s the case, that means steve just changed her entire storyline. and who knows what marrying steve could have changed. it just........okay, agent carter was the first thing in the mcu i watched before i even knew shit about captain america (literally when they showed flashbacks i was like *maria hill voice* who’s this guy) but while we don’t know with any certainty that daniel sousa was the guy she ended up married to, i would have to guess steve went back to BEFORE she and daniel got together, meaning that like the entirety of agent carter is probably erased. her whole INCREDIBLE journey. i’ve read a million things the last week so if someone can let me know who the fuck said this, please do, but anyway someone said peggy’s story really begins when steve goes into the ice and it’s SO TRUE. “i have lived a life. my only regret is that you didn’t get to live yours.” LET THEM KEEP THE LIVES THEY WERE MEANT TO LIVE. and anyway, i just think there’s no way, going back and changing who she marries wouldn’t also alter SO MUCH of what she did, and therefore our timeline.

either way, this option goes against everything about steve. i don’t care if he IS tired of fighting, there’s still no way he would sit quietly and not try to prevent things from happening. assassinations, hydra infiltrating shield, his BEST FRIEND being tortured and brainwashed for seventy years.

steve: if i see a situation pointed south, i can’t ignore it. sometimes i wish i could. tony: no you don’t. steve: no i don’t.

again, i’ll be fair, several years have passed since steve said that, but i just don’t buy the idea that he’s gonna sit back quietly, when his character through the whole mcu has been about fighting for what’s right 

option 2: alternate timeline

i’ve seen some people say it’s because of the bracelets they used that would have allowed steve to jump back into our timeline when he’s old and be in the right place at the right time but like..........what’s the point. he ditched his friends and lived through seventy years without them so am i expected to believe that this steve (i don’t know him) even really cares about handing off the shield to sam (which, i did want, just in the form of our steve retiring and living his own life in the PRESENT) idk that last scene was just so much so fast and i was so mad watching it unfold i could hardly stand it so whatever

so okay say steve goes back to peggy and creates an alternate timeline by doing so, maybe in this timeline he rescues bucky and prevents a bunch of other things from happening

........but wasn’t the point of returning the stones to when and where they got them (which, of course we know the only reason steve was doing this alone was to get to this ending, but it’s ridiculous considering they had a whole team going to all different places in the movie WHATEVER) to PREVENT the creation of an alternate timeline? that’s why the ancient one was hesitant about giving bruce the time stone because it would create a branch or whatever IT MAKES NO SENSE.

this theory at least doesn’t necessarily screw over peggy since...our peggy would still exist and the steve and peggy we saw at the end of the movie would be in an alternate timeline

but it does go against the time travel rules as i understand them and it still fucks up steve’s characterization

whatever

everything’s fucked anyway

if they ever address it, whatever the mcu logic is, all these possibilities have flaws/leave plot holes because they really hardly gave any thought to their characters OR their time travel logic bc they wanted to force this ending

seriously all the peggy references throughout the movie like?? ofc he’s still gonna have that compass and i guess still carry it around since he’s been on the run and hasn’t a permanent place and therefore no safe place to keep it but....he looks at her picture before they go after thanos? it would make more sense if he looked at a picture on his phone of like him, bucky and sam or something. he’s at that group meeting five years later and talks about the loss of his chance with peggy which was u know like a decade ago for him (and i know i don’t like people saying ‘oh just get over it’ i don’t mean it like that i just mean like.......he was willing to move on in cacw - with her NIECE but whatever - and suddenly it’s like he’s never ever been over her and calling her the love of his life) instead of talking about the loss of bucky and sam, two of his best friends? wanda? t’challa? maria? nick? even the way he dresses is very reminiscent of the first avengers when he’s JUST woken up, but he gets away from that throughout the cap movies and gets more used to modern life. endgame does everything to force the idea that he’s still completely uncomfortable in this time. as if what? twelve years in the twenty-first century would mean going back to the 1940s makes you just as much a man out of time.

AND PEGGY. my god, i’ve loved peggy’s story though the mcu and look what this fucking movie did. peggy doesn’t even have fucking lines. we don’t even hear her talk when he stares longingly and dramatically at her through a window (it really reminded me of that jess/rory scene in the gilmore girls revival and hey that was a pairing i thought SHOULD have ended up together, but should not have had all that pining very similarly like ten years later it’s just weird the disappointments i feel in both of these things are so similar but that’s beside the point). we don’t get to see them have a conversation when he goes back to her. tony talked to howard and thor talked to frigga and we didn’t see steve talk to peggy. if she’s supposed to be The Love Of His Life (does marvel know if she could have another love of her life then so could he but whatever) and is suddenly his reason for everything or whatever they’re trying to play at, shouldn’t we get more than a longing look (not even a mutual one, like all the ones we got in catfa) and the dance? peggy carter is AMAZING and she doesn’t even really get a say. they reduced her to the object of steve’s affection and nothing more and it’s HORRIBLE.

frigga said “you’re not my thor” and i think peggy, be it 40s peggy or 70s peggy, would recognize that this is not her steve. look at everything he’s been through the last decade. he’s been through so much and yes, his relationship with peggy was a missed chance, but....the steve of now is not the steve that she lost. and i think no matter how much she might have wanted it to be whenever he came back to her, she would have known that and she would have sent him back home where he belongs, with his new family, in the present.

peggy was the one who said in catws “the world has changed and none of us can go back. all we can do is our best and sometimes the best that we can do is to start over.” steve’s whole story since waking up has been about moving on and making peace with the fact that he lost his chance at the life he could have had after the war (much as i hate aou, it does touch on that fact, he says someone who wanted family and stability or w/e isn’t who came out of the ice and he says at the end of the movie “i’m home” THIS IS HIS HOME MARVEL HERE AND NOW). the fact that the trailer used peggy’s quote about moving forward and then fucking went against the whole ass point.......wild

and i hate to say this i really do.........but not in a satisfying way, just in an it-would-make-sense way. i didn’t want any characters to die, i think after seeing characters suffer so much they deserve a happy ending (so don’t tell me i don’t want steve to be happy because i do i’ve been yelling about how he needs to rest since cacw). but. BUT. it would have made more sense if he died, if he sacrificed himself, because that was a thing he constantly did throughout the mcu, just ya know, he always survived it. going down in the plane in catfa, on the helicarrier in catws, in sokovia in aou, and so on

and lemme tell you, steve dying? that was my Big Fear for this movie, i didn’t want to believe they would go there (i never expected they would go there with tony AND NAT god i’m mad about her too but that’s not what this post is about) but i was prepared for the possibility. when i first saw the theory floating around about him going back in time to be peggy, i didn’t think it was feasible (and it’s not! truly! it makes no sense!) and i didn’t think they would do something as complicated as messing with time like that (boy was i wrong) so i wrote it off. but i think.......what happened feels worse, because character death in movies like these can p much always be fixed you know? even if canon doesn’t, fic can keep everything canon gives us and still be like ‘oh they’re not actually dead because ____’ and this....this can’t be changed. fic has to change the ending. that last five minutes. five minutes fucked up ten years of characterization. anyway.

so here’s what i was thinking about? while not exactly the same because it was ya know parents they lost, thor had a conversation with frigga, tony had a conversation with howard. imagine if it had been steve on the mission to get the soul stone. and okay as a clintasha stan (fuck you aou) i LOVED that scene until nat’s death, i loved them fighting each other to be the one to go. but if it had been steve and maybe still nat too, he could have had his own blast from the past like thor and tony did with the red skull because idt he ever even found out it was the red skull in the soul world (is that what it’s called i forget), bc iirc clint just said something about a red guy. anyway it could have made for some nice catfa parallels with steve and red skull and if he WAS with nat it could have made for a nice aou parallel when they stay to get all the citizens out of there (”where else am i gonna get a view like this?” bc both my babies are willing to sacrifice themselves to save the world). but imagine when the relationship between steve and natasha has also been such a big part of the mcu, the two of them learning to trust each other and protect each other, and save each other, imagine both of them disagreeing over who should be the one to die, maybe not in the same way as clint and nat, not with physically trying to keep the other down, but...fighting about it nonetheless. imagine natasha watching him fall, imagine her returning without him.

of course this would’ve made me mad too because that would’ve meant not just that steve died, but that he died without getting to see bucky and sam again. but at least it would’ve MADE NARRATIVE SENSE and not fucked up his character, because it’s exactly the kind of thing he would do. anyway, it didn’t even have to be this idea of mine, it didn’t even have to be death at all, i just think...it would have made more sense than chasing after this fantasy of a life that he realized (and seemed to accept) he couldn’t have years ago.

now. what i’ve been screaming for the last week. to put it simply: STEVE WOULD NEVER. steve wouldn’t take peggy’s past away from her. steve wouldn’t leave bucky and sam and his other friends behind after all the hell they’ve been through, after half the population just woke up five years in the future, something he's experienced on a much larger scale. steve could have still given up being captain america. could have said, hey i still wanna do good but i don’t wanna fight aliens and shit anymore and i wanna have a chance to actually live my life. he could have given the shield to sam (okay ik the shield was destroyed at that point but u know what i mean) and that could have been the perfect ending for him, to get his happiness with who and what he still has, to truly make peace with what he’s lost.

and i can’t say all this without getting into bitter stucky territory. the entire fucking captain america trilogy has revolved around steve’s relationship to bucky. protecting bucky, saving him, believing in him when no one else will. he went on that mission in catfa based on the hope that bucky was alive, he lost him when he fell from that train. when steve found out bucky was alive, he gave up fighting him HE DROPPED HIS SHIELD he was willing to die on that helicarrier trying to save bucky, trying to get him to remember. with sam’s help they spent two years trying to find bucky and okay i’m not gonna get into why cacw bugged me that’s not this post but he STILL was trying to keep bucky safe, still believing in bucky, just....everything it’s too much to even put into words what the two of them mean to each other, what they do for each other.

bucky and steve haven’t really had a chance to be back in each other’s lives since cacw. bucky went back into cryo and sure we can assume steve’s visited him since he woke up but steve’s been on the run with sam and nat like........they’ve had very little time together. and steve just lived another five years without bucky AND sam and ditched them immediately? for someone he had a relationship with ten years ago? for someone he obviously was not meant for BECAUSE they DIDN’T end up together because he went down in that plane and she moved on and i’m just!!!

and anyway is bucky really like okay? like i saw that vid where the fan asked about the movie properly ending their story and they totally bullshitted an answer about them being able to be separate or whatever but like they’ve hardly been able to be TOGETHER, they’ve been pulled apart over and over. and like, yes bucky has his life in wakanda and he has sam but we haven’t really seen much of those relationships so we don’t actually know how much that means! steve is the only person who can understand even somewhat what bucky’s been through (obvs other mcu characters know what it’s like to have their minds fucked with whereas steve doesn’t know what that part’s like, but bucky hasn’t interacted with those characters unfortunately) so ya know at least in terms of adjusting to a whole new life after your old one was ripped away, steve’s all he’s got. ofc now other people will get a sense of that, but still. in terms of history, shared life experience, steve and bucky are all each other have.

all bucky and steve share in this movie is an exchange that literally already happened in catfa but in reverse. they couldn’t even give us an original MOMENT. and bucky apparently knew what steve was gonna do which just makes it WORSE, like he just had to accept it and let steve go, let steve be someone else. if they wanted to end steve’s arc properly, it would’ve been about bucky because THAT’S what steve’s whole fucking story has been about, and the writers and directors who literally made steve’s arc that way fucking ignored that bc they’re homophobic (and misogynistic) goodbyeeeee like u cannot deny that tearing bucky and steve apart permanently isn’t a slap in the face to stucky shippers, they’ve been giving less and less since catws when they realized how obviously romantic their story is. it’s just fucking cruel (don’t get me started on using the song from right before steve and bucky’s first interaction in catws for the dance as soon as it started playing i wanted to SCREAM ik it’s possible they didn’t know it was an association with stucky buuuuuut with social media ppl very easily know what the fandom is saying so. who knows it just fucking sucked) to put an end to the stevebucky relationship when they haven’t had a real chance to be together, even as just friends, since catws, and it’s especially cruel to end their relationship THIS WAY

anyway this ending (JUST A FEW MINUTES REALLY) just does a disservice to steve AND peggy AND bucky and their stories and i’m just so disappointed and angry on their behalf. if anyone wants to talk about it to me FEEL FREE as long as you’re not a dick bc i obvs love to commiserate with the fandom over this MESS

[loroparque-orcas]

A summary: Morgan's calf, Ula, has a very flat head and a very weird pectoral flipper. Also some colouration and lesions. This article is hella long and mostly fear-mongering in my eyes. 🤷‍♂️

Friday, January 25, 2019

Loro Parque's Baby Orca Ula Possibly In The Fight of Her Life

Loro Parque, Canary Islands: 

The new baby killer whale, Ula, recently celebrated with fanfare at the Loro Parque theme park, is battling an infection or trauma & may be fighting for her life. The calf is under a sun protection tent, with apparentphototoxic skin lesions, a misshappen head, & a diseased left pectoral fin. She's currently getting bottle fed with evidence of her mother Morgan pushing into the steel gate separating them. 

The tiny calf, born with what appears to be a congenitally disfigured head (or a never-before-seen variant) has contracted a pathogen or suffered an injury which may be life-threatening. We don't know for sure. Photographs of the ventral surface of her tail show extensive needle-stick marks, for age, suggesting frequent blood draws and/or the administration of IV antibiotics. 

When only days old she was separated from Morgan and has recently been photographed by visitors to the Spanish theme park, Loro Parque (LP), where she was born. Note, unless otherwise noted, the images & the video below were supplied by activists who requested to remain anonymous for fear of retaliation from LP. The captions in this video came with it. Please watch:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1KQyliPW8iY

Dozens of images have been reviewed by experts who suggest, along with the abnormality of her melon, the infant may be in a declining state of health based on the diseased appearance of her left pectoral fin & areas of the body

Dr. Naomi Rose, Marine Mammal Scientist for the Animal Welfare Institute told VOTO: 

"Various photos suggest the calf has a flattened profile at the front of her head, where it should be rounded with the melon. This could be because of the angle of the photos, but given the number of them, some of them from Loro Parque, it’s hard not to wonder if something is wrong there. While we cannot confirm there is a deformity, the management of the park should be transparent, given the public concern, and offer evidence that all is well with the calf. Not just statements at face value, but medical records and even an independent assessment.”

Dr. Ingrid Visser, Marine Biologist with the Orca Research Trust reacted to the images of the calf’s left pectoral fin saying: 

"I’ve never seen anything like this in the wild. Not a disfigurement of the melon or pathogen of any body part like this poor calf has. I feel so sorry for both her and her mother, Morgan. It emphasizes to me just how wrong captivity for these animals is at facilities like Loro Parque is for orca.”

Dr John Jett, of VOTO, research professor at Stetson University & former SeaWorld killer whale trainer adds: 

“The animal’s appearance, her separation from mom, and their bottle-feeding intervention reminds me of Nyar, a baby killer whale that I helped to hand raise at SW of Florida.  Nyar was separated from her mother Gudrun not long after she was born.  The little whale lacked coordination, which hindered her ability to eat, swim upright, and interact with the other animals.  Her difficulties were so severe that she was force-fed, and at times she struggled to get air.  Nyar eventually died at 2 years of age, with a necropsy report suggesting that a fungal infection in her brain had killed her.  Nyar’s case was heartbreaking to me. Unfortunately, if Ula does survive then her life will be spent in a barren tank performing tricks for frozen fish. Not a good life for an orca. Not a good life for any cetacean."

The calf’s mother, Morgan, has been observed as she floats forlornly outside the barred metal gate, hoping to catch a glimpse of her child. Loro Parque initially stated: 

“From the very first moment, Morgan demonstrated to be an exemplary mother attending to her newborn, which is swimming next to its mother”

And then they said: 

“the experts are pleased with the strong bond the pair have developed”

Reiterating a few days later: 

“the bond between mother and calf continues to grow and Morgan is demonstrating exemplary maternal instincts as she swims alongside her calf at all times they are together" 

Despite demonstrating that powerful maternal bond, the LP staff have removed the calf from her mother, first stating that it was because Morgan was not providing enough milk and then that it was in the interest of safety.

Rather than providing supplementary feedings, or temporarily separating them only for feeding times, the facility has placed the newborn in a tiny barren tank, alone. 

On the 21st of Jan 2019 the first evidence that Morgan's calf is no-longer-bonded with her was posted on-line by a member of the public. This video shows Morgan being allowed to enter the medical tank and then departing, with the calf ignoring her.

To date, Loro Parque has not made any public mention of the issues concerning either the melon or the compromised left pectoral fin. The sad irony of this lack of transparency is that Loro Parque has repeatedly justified its keeping and breeding of Morgan in the name of “scientific research” and even touted research already being conducted on the young infant regarding echolocation which, by the way, is facilitated by an orca’s melon.

Reportedly, just as questions continue to be raised whether SeaWorld’s transport of Morgan from the Netherlands to Spain could have resulted in her alleged hearing loss; the question must be asked, could some of the “research” already being imposed on this infant orca by LP and several universitieshave contributed to her compromised condition as well? 

The background story on Morgan is just as appalling, as she has been used as a commercial pawn in one of the mostly highly valued live-animal trades in the world. As Matthew Spiegl, Legal Counsel for Free Morgan Foundation notes, the breeding of the calf’s mother, Morgan, is already the subject of both legal and legislative challenges in the Netherlands and the European Parliament. Questions also persist of the Spanish Government’s complicity in condoning the unauthorized breeding of Morgan. 

Spiegl and Dr. Visser have collaborated with Professor Arie Trouwborst, Tilburg Law School, on a new peer-reviewed article about Morgan’s legal rights which has just been published in the Review of European, Comparative and International Environmental Law (RECIEL) on 15 January 2019https://doi.org/10.1111/reel.12270.

If all of this wasn’t troubling enough, the fact that Morgan, a rescued wild-born orca was cross-bred with one of two male killer whales on loan to Loro Parque from SeaWorld, as depicted in Morgan’s pregnancy timeline, has not even been acknowledged, let alone substantively addressed by SeaWorld. 

Remember, SeaWorld promised the public to put an end to the breeding of all its captive orcas. That promise, part of an agreement with The Humane Society of The United States (HSUS) took effect on 17 March 2016 and covered all whales including those loaned to LP. It also included wild-born Morgan, who was sent to Loro Parque by the Dutch Government under a permit which limited her use to research, not commercial shows or breeding, both of which Loro Parque has used her for. Morgan and the calf were already expecting to face problems, as Loro Parque claims that Morgan is deaf – which theoretically would limit her ability to communicate effectively with the baby. 

Dr. Jeffrey Ventre, medical doctor and former SeaWorld killer whale trainer summarizes the evidence:  

"On the video the calf continues to be active. The venipuncture marks suggest an animal that is having frequent blood draws and probably IV antibiotics. This is based on the skin discoloration which I attribute on a more-probable-than-not basis to medical infusions. As someone that works with brain injury patients including malformations, I wonder if this is a congenital deformity of  the head, a normal variant, or something not before seen in orcas. If Ula suffers from a congenital brain insult or malformation this would likely be associated with movement disorders (think spastic cerebral palsy), diminished cognition and increased muscle tone. The cratered ulcerated pec looks a lot like a fungal issue, which would explain a lot; the meds, the skin discoloration & the protective tent. I hope Ula survives. In the wild she'd have the full support of a trained mother, midwives, babysitters and brothers to protect her. In this situation I imagine her chances of survival are small."

Tragically, as the current situation unavoidably illustrates, Loro Parque’s insistence on ignoring the SeaWorld/HSUS breeding ban, has now resulted in the birth of this poor calf; essentially a genetically modified orca or ‘GMO’ with tragic and heartbreaking consequences. 

_______________________________________

NOTE: This story is still breaking and we will provide additional reactions as we hear back from experts who have been asked to comment

| link to article here.

[secretlygrantaire]

Everybody is replaceable. Kylo Ren x Female Reader Soulmate AU Chapter three.

Synopsis: The reader was taken away from her family as a child to work on a First Order base as a weapons tester with other children. After managing to escape the First Order when she is older the reader lives by herself and begin to feel her connection and sensitivity to the force. It is discovered that she has similar abilities to Kylo Ren who is ordered to take her in as an apprentice and show her the ways of the force. I’m not going to give anything else away I’ll just say that they are soulmates but don’t know it yet, chaos ensues.

Warnings: THE LAST JEDI SPOILERS SORT OF!!! Angst, the reader gets injured, fluff.

All research for fact-checking is done on Wookieepedia.com or Starwars.wikia.com 

Previous Chapters: 

One: http://secretlygrantaire.tumblr.com/post/169673830791/everybody-is-replaceable-kylo-ren-x-female-reader

Two: http://secretlygrantaire.tumblr.com/post/169719813901/everybody-is-replaceable-kylo-ren-x-female-reader

Chapter Three: There is another. 

Days past since Y/N had escaped the first order’s base and there was no sign of a search party coming after her. After days of continuous hiking, Y/N felt confident in the distance she had made between herself and the base and decided to build a more permanent camp site. Reaching into her pack she pulled out a heavy tarp and a rope, using what little survival knowledge she possessed Y/N proceeded to construct a shelter. Y/N pierced the front of the canvas with two sturdy branches she broke off of a nearby tree and drove the poles deep into the frozen earth. Taking her rope Y/N lifted the middle of the tarp and tied the rope to two separate trees parallel to her campsite. The remaining fabric behind the rope draped down onto the ground creating a wall she secured with heavy rocks. The structure wasn’t impressive but it would keep the elements out. By the time she had finished her settlement the sun was low in the sky, Y/N knew she would have to build a fire soon. 

Nighttime noises filled the cool air as Y/N stared into the deep oranges and reds of her fire, her blanket wrapped tightly around her body she let her mind wander. The past few nights had been the same, ever since her 18th birthday, ever since her tattoo had appeared on her wrist, she continued to dream about the same boy in every dream, she would call out to him and in every dream, he would ignore her. Y/N believed that he just couldn’t see her but part of her knew he sensed she was there, she wondered if he dreamed about her. Lightning struck overhead, thunder rattling the ground below, as the rain began to extinguish her flame Y/N crawled into her shelter. Pleased to find that tarp was water resistant Y/N allowed for her eyes to shut and her mind to drift off to sleep. 

Back In The First Order Base The Day of the Escape: 

“I don’t care how long it takes! Review the security footage and identify that traitor!”  The Commander of the base demanded. “Sir it appears to be weapon’s tester LT4675.” An officer said as they watched the scene on their computer. “Where did they go? Did the leave the base?” The commander asked. “Yes sir, she took an emergency pack and headed towards the forest. We can track her through the pack each is equipped with a portable homing beacon for rescues ” “Then let’s find her! Send a search squad into the forest, tell them to kill on sight, we don’t want this traitor to get away so easily.” “Sir!” Another officer interjected. “You might want to take a look at this.” The Commander strode over to the computer, his eyes widened as he witnessed the incident before him. “I rescind that search party, nobody will be looking for the girl tonight.” The commander said as he held up his gloved hand. “Send a transmission directly to General Hux, tell him, we have someone that might be of interest to our supreme leader.” 

Back To Y/N 

Y/N opened her eyes, she was in the same dark room she recognized from her past dreams if she could still call them dreams. Before her sat the same shadowed figure and beside her was Ben, now Kylo Ren. He was kneeling, the shadowed figure was saying something but Y/N could not make his words out for a deafening white noise filled her ears. “ Ben?” She asked, knowing once again he would not hear her. “Ben!” Y/N reached her arm towards the boy. In her past dreams, she had not been able to move and despite her doubts, something in her commanded her foot to step forward and to her surprise she did. Without a second of hesitation, Y/N headed for Ben, the noise in her ears growing louder as she approached him. “Kylo!” She shouted over the noise, “Kylo!” Now inches from him Y/N slowly reached out her hand, “...Ben.” She whispered as she placed her hand on his shoulder. Suddenly the noise vanished, Kylo’s head shot up and Y/N could feel his muscles tighten. “ Ben.” Y/N said once more, “Can you hear me?” Kylo’s eye flickered to Y/N and back again. Disappointed but not surprised Y/N dropped her hand. “Why does this keep happening?” She uttered to herself her thoughts were suddenly interrupted by the booming voice of the shadowed man. “My young apprentice, each day you grow stronger with the force.” “The force?” Y/N whispered. “It is my belief Master Ren that you alone shall fulfill your destiny, however.” The man paused. “There is another who possesses a strength like you, a girl whose heart has been darkened by her past and whose power lays wreckless within her. She has killed two men and escaped into the wilderness of the planet Hays Minor. You shall find this girl and make her your apprentice as I have made you mine. Her power is strong, yes, but without direction. Go to her, guide her to the power... of the dark side.” Kylo bowed his head once more. “Yes Supreme Leader.” And with that he stood and turned towards the door, pausing only to look over at Y/N though his eyes did not meet hers, but went through her. 

Y/N woke gasping for air, the sun shone brightly upon the frozen planet. Y/N looked down at her shaking hands, “There is another who possesses a strength like you...” echoed in her mind. “The Force.” Y/N whispered. Suddenly engines roared through the sky, peering out of her shelter Y/N’s heart dropped, imperial landing crafts had been deployed and were making their way to the planet’s surface. “They’re coming for me.” Y/N said and without a second thought she grabbed her blaster and began running. Cutting through brush and debris Y/N peered over her shoulder just as the imperial craft landed, the force of the ship created a wind that destroyed her shelter. A hatch was opened followed by several imperial troopers and behind them a man dressed in all black, his face covered by a mask. Y/N stopped, “Kylo...” she whispered. “ There she is!” A trooper yelled pulling Y/N from her thoughts. Swiftly she fired her blaster at the trooper sending him crumbling to the ground. A trooper snuck up from behind her and grabbed her blaster, pinning her body to his chest, Y/N lifted her leg and kicked the trooper backward, firing her blaster at his arm. More troopers charged at the girl, one shot their blaster at Y/N hitting her in the hand causing her to drop her weapon. Aggravated Y/N reached for the man, feeling an energy flow through her she lifted the man into the air and threw him into the nearby troopers, all three of them tumbled to the ground in pain. Y/N reached for her blaster only to see that it was gone, she looked up only to find her blaster floating midair, the masked man’s hand was reaching out towards the weapon, he flicked his wrist and sent the blaster flying into a tree causing it to explode upon impact. Y/N could feel her heart pounding in her chest, “ Who are you?” She demanded. The man lowered his arm, “I’m not here to hurt you.” he said, his voice metallic behind the mask. “What do you want from me?” Y/N asked. The man raised his hands and with a short clink he pulled his mask off, revealing unruly black hair. “Ben.” Y/N whispered. “My name is Kylo Ren, I am the master of the Knights of Ren, I am here because, like me, you have an ability.” Y/N took a step towards him, feeling an overwhelming comfort. “An ability?” She questioned. Kylo nodded, “You have the ability to sense and control an energy known as the Force.” Y/N’s eyes widened, everything she had seen in her dreams weren't dreams at all, but visions. “What am I to do with it?” She asked though she already knew the answer. Kylo extended his hand to her, “Come with me, I can guide you in the ways of the force.” Y/N looked at his hand, his wrist was covered by black fabric, she wondered if he even knew who she was. “What have you to lose?” Kylo asked. “You’re lost here, you have nothing left, nothing. But if you come with me...” Y/N looked into his deep eyes, they were sad, pleading but also powerful and secure. She knew that if she went with him she would be safer than where she was now, she would have food, warmth, shelter.  But she also knew that she couldn’t let Kylo know she was his soulmate, it was too risky, it could ruin her chances of finally understanding what this energy inside her was. Slowly Y/N took Kylo’s hand, “okay...” she said, “...okay.” 

END OF CHAPTER THREE!! 

Ahhh this one took way too long to write mostly because I ended up doing research to fact-check every little detail so I could make sure I had the timelines right for who would be general and such, blah blah blah, did you all know Hux is an illegitimate child!!!!! I found that out and thought it was super fascinating, I ended up just reading his biography, wow I’m lame, but gotta love General Hugs. Anyway, I’m so glad you guys like this story so far, let me know if you want any more or if you have a request for another story I could write later. 

P.S My cousin’s name is Ben so sometimes it’s weird to refer to Kylo as Ben because I think about my baby cousin, he’s adorable he’s seven and he likes to draw me pictures of superheroes. I got him a Lego set for Hanukkah and loved it. Okay sorry, it’s over now. 

[curiouscompanions]

Something went wrong

The visions were red, bright and horribly delirious. All what Cornelius could do is wondering what in the world he did wrong. What did he even do? Added an extra ingredient in one of those unstable liquids he recevied from that planet Eilank? No, it didn't suppose react to oddly, nor the process of its evaporation supposed to mess up with a human mind. Carefully, the scientist got up and tried to pull the main lever to restart the laboratory, but his hand grasped the air. Not here? No, it must be here. It always was here, on the right side of the machinery. He rubbed his eyes and looked around, but couldn't see anything else except those terrific visions that make his heart pounding fiercely in his chest. It was all about to become unbearable, especially if one of the things gets too close and touches him. His mind was too overwhelmed to keep believing none of them was real. Come on, try again. You must restart it before it's too late.

Unsteady, he stepped to the right, just to pull— since when the lever became this soft and warm? The lever didn't let him to pull it, moreover it pulled him back and slapped him in the face.

''...You are hallucinating, de Grammont.'' a quiet voice striked his ears as a familiar face floated of in the area of his blurry vision. His alternate was right next to him, wearing this his long dark coat and a scowl, showing that he obviously was not pleased with whatever was happening here. Definitely, it was Neil ...but something was off about him, something was really not right. Silently, Cornelius stared at the other as he let him drag himself out of the room.

''How many times should I pull you forgetful ass out of troubles to make you realise you have to get rid of your stupid chip?'' Neil muttered, leading him to a portal that was glowing weakly on the hallway’s wall. ‘‘Can’t you see? This shit will turn you into a fucking vegetable in the end. Too much of weird shit is happening around, you can’t just let it break you so easily, you can’t leave your D— Deimos all alone for good. Did you hear me, de Grammont? You should get rid of the chip and— what? Why are you looking at me like that? Do I have something on my face? I already told you, you are hallucinating. Just ignore whatever you might be seeing. It’s nothing to worry about.’’

‘‘...Your hair is gray.’‘ 

‘‘It’s nothing to worry about,’‘ Neil repeated, instantly putting on a poker face. ‘‘You are just seeing things.’‘

‘‘You are the only one who is real in this mess, I can’t be seeing things about you because my sanity is clinging on the fact that you are real.’‘

‘‘My hair and me are fine, de Grammont.’‘ 

‘‘And why did you drag me away instead of simply shooting a portal or using your time machine? What happened? What’s going on? Please, tell me. Maybe I can help you in fixing  ...whatever it could be?’‘

‘‘Firstly; you can’t. Secondly; fuck off. I don’t have time to answer your stupid questions. We should get the hell out from here.’‘

‘‘But—’‘

‘‘One more word and I’ll knock you off.’‘

Neil pushed him into the portal that leads, right to Cornelius’ old apartment on the Outside. Before following him, he looked around.

The whole Office was twitching, constantly changing its forms and moving from one timeline to another, chaotically, at every random minute. For some reason it affected the Cornelius only, the other dwellers and visitors were completely fine while staying around.

The space pirate scowled deeper, then jumped into the portal.

. . .

‘‘Finally,’‘ uttered a cold feminine voice as soon as they left the Office. ‘‘No more cheaters, no more glitches. Much more space for Me.’’ 

Something clicked somewhere far far away and the voice switched to a masculine one, the one that copies the Narrator’s style pretty well.

‘’𝙼𝚢 𝚂𝚝𝚘𝚛𝚢 𝚒𝚜 𝚐𝚘𝚒𝚗𝚐 𝚝𝚘 𝚋𝚎 𝚜𝚘 𝚐͉͚̫̰͎𝚛̣̳̻̹̟𝚎͍̯̣̝̤̗̤𝚊𝚝̳̭ 𝚊𝚐𝚊𝚒𝚗.’’

[trustmeimageographer]

The Last Jedi was a wild ride, and I have a lot of feelings about it (spoilers below the cut):

-          Opening the film with Poe prank calling Hux was peak Stars War.

-          Poe why will you not listen?

-          Why is no one watching Finn? Like, not even a med droid? No wonder he ended up wandering around the ship leaking bacta.

-          Luke throwing the lightsabre over his shoulder like it’s NBD.

-          I don’t know what these puffy bird things are but I know that I love them.

-          Chewie knocking in Luke’s door and yelling at him for ignoring his new best friend Rey.

-          Leia using the Force to zoom through the vacuum of space looking like the forever spinning boy on the go cart from that meme.

-          Is this whole film going to revolve around one space battle?

-          Yes, yes it is.

-          Holdo looking elegant af in her swooshy dress and her purple hair, offending Poe’s masculine sensibilities.

-          ‘Hi I’m Poe Dameron and I’m hoping you don’t know I’ve been demoted so you’ll take me seriously.’

-          Rose going from grief to fangirling to badass with a taser in the space of two minutes.

-          Guys this is a terrible plan and you should talk to the boss about it instead of assuming a vice admiral is incompetent.

-          Maz you don’t understand we don’t have time for a casino trip.

-          Or maybe we do. This is Stars War and your preconceptions do not apply.

-          Rey you don’t need to sleep outside his door he’s not going anywhere.

-          What are these weird giraffe cows and – oh, yeah, he’s milking them.

-          Rey shooting a wall because she sees Kylo is a reasonable response.

-          If they make R*ylo a thing I will cry with frustration I swear.

-          Is every shot of Rey going to have her face half in shadow to remind us that she could potentially tip either way?

-          Yes, yes it is.

-          Luke don’t make fun of her you’re better than this.

-          OK I don’t mean to criticise but what Kylo Ren’s bare chest really necessary? I could have lived without it.

-          Yoda’s ghost just popping up to laugh at Luke. Did they dig out the original puppet from IV?

-          Finn and Rose getting off track and just kind of destroying an entire town, bringing back the wrong guy, and needing BB-8 to solve all their problems. I love them all so much.

-          But seriously Rey has been with Luke for days but this battle has only lasted one, what’s the timeline?

-          Poe will you get it together please? All of your plans are bad.

-          Truth Leia coming out of her well coma to shame mankind Poe.

-          BB-Hate foils all our plans and somehow looks smug about it despite not having a face.

-          OK well Holdo’s plan would have worked if Poe had had some faith in her. Seriously dude, you are not coming off well in this film.

-          Rey floating through space in a freaking coffin, and then being thrown all around the room by Snoke.

-          That. Fight. Scene. Damn guys.

-          Don’t you emotionally manipulate our little Rey of sunshine you overgrown toddler.

-          On the plus side, looks like R*ylo’s out.

-          BB-8 shooting wildly from an AT-ST and then waving cheerfully.

-          Holdo zooming through that ship like the badass she is. You go Holdo.

-          The crystal dog things on Crait were too beautiful and I love them.

-          Poe rubbing BB-8’s belly like he’s a puppy just gave me life, and at this point my mum leant over and told me she needed to rub our puppy’s tummy when we got home. She did. He appreciated it.

-          The visual of that red soil under the salt is amazing and I may never get over how gorgeous it looked when the clunky speeders all went over it.

-          I literally braced myself for Finn to die it was very stressful and I still have not recovered.

-          Kylo making decisions based on the fact that he hates his dad’s ship.

-          Luke showing up out of nowhere in a new outfit with a haircut, then just brushing dust off his shirt after the barrage of fire.

-          ‘Do you think we got him?’

-          Kylo and Luke fighting.

-          Kylo shedding his cloak like he’s Obi-Wan Kenobi.

-          Kylo’s bewilderment when he does not kill his uncle.

-          Luke vanishing back to his island, and then just vanishing into the Force, had me all emotional.

-          Hi I’m Rey and these are my rocks. I am very strong.

-          The last Force Skype where Rey just closes the door like, she is done with this shit.

-          Did Rey steal the books? I’m pretty sure I just saw the books.

-          That last frame where they looked like a Renaissance painting and it just filled my heart with hope.

-          This film does not care about your opinions and it does not need to.

[autumn-in-phandom]

A review of "How WHITE is Dan?!- DNA TEST RESULTS"

I was riding in the car on the way to the store when I heard a familiar alert coming from my phone. I wondered aloud “Ooo is that Dan?” He was due to have a video out today or tomorrow, but it could be one of the few other channels I’m subscribed to. I’ve been psyched out before. I opened my phone and yes it was Dan and what was more, the word DNA was there. “They were right!” Those psychic IDB members with their “strong feelings” were right. 

I for one didn’t think Dan would make this video. Mainly because he said so himself during a liveshow in the spring, shortly after Phil had posted his. He had admitted to taking the test as well, but the results were so vague and he was disappointed. I could relate, having bought DNA kits for my parents and getting very broad results, particularly for my mother’s side, which we wanted to know more about. 

However, one shouldn’t take Daniel Howell at his word. He could be lying, or in this case he might just change his mind with the seasons. He wasn’t feeling it back then, but there was a hint in his last solo liveshow that he was thinking about ancestry again. The chat asked about “the grandma tweet” and he pulled up the photo of someone’s distant relative who had a strikingly similar face to his. Someone said it could be his great-grandmother, after all his own grandma was adopted. So reasonably, someone on IDB predicted that Dan would work this photo into his DNA video. After all Dan often sits on ideas for videos and then decides to make them when he feels the “the time is right” (or the topic is relevant). 

Dan did indeed choose to make this video now for a specific reason, and while the photo may have inspired him, it didn’t make an appearance or get a mention. Apparently the driving force behind this video was current events. Current events that some fans were disappointed that Dan and Phil had not mentioned. The heated protests in Charlottesville, Virginia were mentioned in the first eight seconds: 

“Hello Internet, in these times when apparently (camera zooms in on his lips) *some people* find it difficult to tell the difference between protesting racism and *racism*, I thought it would be relevant and mildly interesting to make a video about the shared genetic history of all humans by finding out *the origins of my ancestors*.“ (Cue the soft grey filter with fake lens flares, zen music and calm hand movements from Daniel). 

I was immediately intrigued, but a bit skeptical. How was a video entitled "How WHITE is Dan?!” going to positively address racism? Especially knowing that his results were boring, so probably not that diverse. Well, he did it by following through on his topic sentence and actually showing the shared genetic history of all humans through maps of human migration. He also did some historic research into his small percentage of West African DNA. Of course the little sign in the background reading ‘AYY FUCK NAZIS’ and his black shirt with red Cyrillic letters that translate to “equality” were nice aesthetic touches. 

Mind you, the actual factual human migration information comes later in the video. First we have sarcastic philosophical Dan waffling on about lizard people on Pangea slowly drifting apart “metaphorically and physically, until the inevitable nuclear apocalypse blows our planet into tiny chunks floating infinitely into the abyss of space” with a starry falling through space effect. Woah there nihilistic Dan, stay with us. 

It’s okay, there is a quick jump cut that changes the tone immediately. It’s a mention of Phil and his DNA video, complete with a clip of “Science!Phil”. What’s more, Dan says that Phil ordered the DNA test kit for him. Perhaps, it’s just to set up his own reluctance, as he goes on to do just that. For some of us, the idea of Phil ordering DNA testing for both of them (even if it is to use in a video) paints a pretty domestic picture. Though in Phil’s video he says he was given his for free by a friend of the family who is a doctor, thinking it would make a cool video. Perhaps this is why neither of their videos seem to be sponsored by the DNA testing company, 23andMe. Or are they?

Cue relatable slightly paranoid Dan with some sharp humor about “laboratories” and being cloned and replaced “by a compliant artificial intelligence” by Mark Zuckerberg (thanks for knowing the correct spelling of that iPad) or “Zuck”, with a Stephen Hawking like voice saying “I’m coming for you Danny”. Dan of course gave a fake name for his DNA profile (as did Phil), but kept his date of birth. However he admits there isn’t really any point in trying to protect his identity on the internet. Okay, John Johnson. 

“Are you ready! Am I ready? I have no idea what to expect to be honest.” Here’s the part where I have to suspend my disbelief and just accept that Dan pretending to react to these results as if he didn’t view them several months ago does make for a better video. Just like Dan pretending to play Bubble Bobble for the first time on the gaming channel in 2016, when in reality he tweeted about reaching level 100 with Phil back in 2009, did result in a very sweet gaming video. 

 Add a being related to a giraffe joke to the lizard one. I’m not sure if this is really helping the “one human race” thing, but it’s a pretty harmless joke. “Wow. Looking pretty white. That is one blue circle there, isn’t it JJ?” (the blue being European ancestry). Dan is 98.2% European and he jokes that this is the end of the video only a minute and half in. 

Dan drags his ancestors for “literally” sticking to four countries (Britain, Ireland, France and Germany) when in reality those results are lumping Britain and Ireland together because they share so much common DNA, the same for French and German. He is also ignoring that 33.8% of his Northwest European genetics is broadly undefined and he hasn’t gotten to the Southern European, Scandinavian or West African parts yet. But I still found “really got out there and saw the world” quite funny. “Okay someone saw the sun at least” was a good one, though I wish he would have addressed his ability to tan darkly in this video, perhaps in the fair skin section. More on that below. 

More relatable humor about not wanting to hike or get on a boat gets worked in to Dan finding out that he is not the least bit Asian or American. I vaguely recall a rumor about him being part Asian, let’s lay one that to rest. And I remember him hoping years ago that he might be part Native American because his grandma was adopted, but I found that extremely unlikely. Probably just a bit of wishful thinking perhaps brought on by being Team Jacob. 

Now here is the part that interests me the most. On the Ancestry DNA test I gave to my parents, 1.8% was considered a “trace amount”, but in this 23andMe service they give a specific timeline for when each genetic group cropped up and the West African and Scandinavian both span from the late 1700s to mid 1800s, not that long ago. Dan concludes that “a ‘Scandi’ and a West African got it together” (insert graphic of the two countries coming together with a smooching sound effect). I’m not sure if that timeline is definitively saying they were a couple, but Dan’s Wikipedia research supports it and it is an interesting bit of history. 

Segue into a brief farming family reunion story. 400 cousins, I’m sure. Shift to black and white and cue the unexplained mysteries music for Dan’s adopted grandmother mention. Dan “feels like there’s some epic adventure story there for another time”. Sign me the frick up! In fact please just bring your grandma onto one of your YouTube videos. She has always been the one Dan has been most comfortable talking about and even sharing pictures of. (Oh 'helo ther’ unflattering selfie from the Tinder spon on Dan’s computer). 

I appreciate Dan showing the Haplogroup migrations of his paternal line, but in true Dan fashion it included commentary about “presumably wrestling mammoths and getting frozen or something” in Asia and “then buggered off to Europe to get bitten by a rat or something”. “And consistently had sex for thousands of years. Well done ancestors (Dan applauds) truly incredible story. Lord of the Rings. Ten out of ten. Would read again.” Lovely sarcastic Dan. 

 And as he hypes up “the fun stuff”, “weird things about your personality, health and biology”, and “intimate specific information” that he probably shouldn’t share with the Internet”, but he will because he’s “just a piece of meat”, I get hit with a mid video ad of Gwen Stefani applying mascara, because the cheeky bastard made this exactly ten minutes and one second long. (To be fair Phil did the same thing recently). 

Dan has 300 Neanderthal variants, more than 82% of their customers. This is the same percentage as Phil, who talked about his head and brow shape and nasal chambers, but Dan uses this to relate to his “dank cave” dwelling habits (never opening the curtains of his bedroom). Based on his genetics, Dan is not likely to be a deep sleeper. “As I always say, why bother sleeping when you can stay awake thinking about stuff that makes you anxious. Right! Woo!” Dan addressing his mental health with humor, is always appreciated. I can actually see the power athlete possibility. He could be a big strong guy, but “wasted potential” and all that. (Personally my lazy self recoils at the idea of people dedicating so much of their time to training up their bodies to be these perfect machines, but hopeful D&P are spending some time at the gym for their general health.) “Looking at memes and talking about myself” is a great self-aware one liner. 

 Alright “cheek dimples”! Flop. What does this test know anyway? Stop referring to them as a deformity Dan, everyone loves your dimples! Okay I just did a bunch of reading on dimples and I guess they are considered a genetic deformity now a days. However on a social-biological level they may have all sorts of benefits, from being able to read emotions more clearly, to people wanting to procreate with you and not abandoning their cute babies. Dan has also been saying lately that he’s double deformed, but it is actually quite rare to have one side of your cheeks dimpled. (I used to have dimples as a child and all of a sudden they are back, but they are closer to my mouth than my smile lines and may just be from fat. Who knows.) 

 Alright good thing this isn’t a spon, calling the results “garbage”, “pseudoscience” and a “farce” even in jest, might not fly. Dan’s distrust of blonds Tweet is (at least partially) explained. I still think it might also relate to Dream Daddy and it is a mighty coinkidink that it was posted on the one year anniversary of Frank Ocean’s album. Promos all around? We just need to accept that Dan is a multilayered creature we will never fully understand. My husband will appreciate being compared to a unicorn though. 

Dan’s pain kink and weird enjoyment of the dentist makes a resurgence! Please make a full video out of this Dan. We promise not to shame… much. “Scrape me Dad-”. Interestingly enough Phil has an average sensitivity pain but thought it would be higher, hates having his gums scraped and implied his dentist might be a sadist. 

Dramatic build up and disclaimer for genetic health and increased risk of disease section. Feeling very relieved for the low risk of Altzheimers after reading that tear jerking dementia phanfic the other day (though it was Phil with the disease and I don’t think he mentioned it in his video). Dan was clearly worked up as well. He rests his face in his palm and is visibly pink and blotchy. 

He balances the seriousness with an over the top dramatic reaction to being a carrier for red hair, complete with a black and white fake sobbing scene. I’ll admit I found his pause at “So you’re telling me that there’s a chance that I could have children— born with red hair” a bit distracting, though I’m sure it wasn’t mean that way. “There was no disclaimer for this one.” Ha. I case you didn’t know he’s just joking “you beautiful sunset heads, rub those freckles all over me.” Dan has made his love of ginger people quite clear in the past and this tends to start a discourse about Phil’s natural hair color. 

I’ll weigh in on this. Phil was clearly ginger as a young child, just as Dan was blond when he was little. Both of their hair darkened quite a bit as they grew up, each becoming increasingly more brown. It’s harder to tell with Phil because he has denied his natural hair color for so long and seemingly makes up things about old photographs. Did he actually dye his hair before his first day of secondary school? Perhaps it was a bit of bleach that brighten it up and brought out the yellow/orange tones. In Phil’s Tinder spon he did admit to his hair getting a bit ginger during the summer. However by the time of his graduation, early university years and his appearance on 'The Weakest Link’ he had light-medium brown hair that I have a hard time considering a shade of auburn. You might call it nutmeg, but not cinnamon. I have medium auburn hair that has dulled with age, but does get more copper in the sun. But I don’t think Phil can be considered ginger anymore, especially as he chooses not to embrace it, so Dan’s love of ginger people seems completely separate from his fondness for Phil (except perhaps the freckles). 

Moving on to skin pigmentation and the title of his video, “How white is Dan Howell?” He laughs at his genetically light skin. 39% Very fair, 32% Moderately fair and “at most 25% Light beige” and acknowledges his privilege. It would have been a great chance to maturely talk about his ability to tan when he was younger, relating to his Southern European and West African ancestry without making problematic 2010/2011 era jokes. However it seems paleness is part of Dan’s branding now (since Phil has clearly turned him into a vampire). Or it’s just the “never go outside”, “cave dwelling” schtick. We’ve all seen your freckles Dan. 

In conclusion he hopes that people took something away from this be it “the possibility that [he] will have a ginger child in the future, that no one believes is [his], or that humanity has so much in common and we shouldn’t be divided by fascism, or that in the near future 'Zuck’ will be able to target ads to us based on our genetic code.” I sure hope it’s the middle one. “Ayy fuck Nazis”. Still, Dan gives us 20 years before society implodes. Finally he turns a joke about exercise into a confession about crying while reading the news. Seriously, well done Mr. Howell. (Nice promo for the casual and intimate liveshows too.) 

This was a great contrast to Phil’s light hearted DNA results video with Science!Phil, CushionStack.com, buff kangaroo attraction, naked mole rats, Buffy Summers alias, “top of the morning to ya”, Phil’s French ear, German elbow, Swedish eyebrow and Sardinian freckle, alien jokes, celebrity haplogroups, testing out his photic sneeze reflex and short-term memory and talking about asparagus urine detection. Bless Phill. I love him, truly. 

Both Dan and Phil’s videos do inspire me to send off the raw data of my parents DNA to a better company that can give me more detailed results. Maybe 23andMe. I’ve heard good things about the Human Genome Project as well. Ancestry DNA was pretty rubbish. 'Zuck’ and his wife should give these boys some money (if they haven’t already).

[inawickedlittletown]

Walking The Wire (119/155)

Summary: Tony Stark always knew about Peter Parker. He didn’t know that Peter was going to get superpowers and become Spider-Man, but he always knew about Peter because Peter was his son.

This will span from pre-Iron Man up through the rest of the MCU (eventually including Infinity War) and will be for the most part canon compliant except where I’ve taken some liberties and interpreted canon a certain way.

Pairings: Pepper/Tony, Tony/Steve (endgame), Tony/Mary (past)

A/N: If you want me to tag you when I post new chapters let me know. This fic is also on AO3

I used Collider’s MCU timeline to stay canon and the title of this fic is an Imagine Dragons song that is just so fitting for Peter and Tony

@findmeinthestarss

Masterpost

Chapter One Hundred Eighteen

Stephen wasn’t exactly amazed by where they had ended up. Since learning the mystic arts and becoming the Sorcerer Supreme, he’d seen a lot. Experienced a lot. Being on a foreign planet was par for the course in a way. Stephen wasn’t even mourning the fact that he hadn’t even been able to have lunch. Or that he’d allowed Tony Stark to make the decision to not turn the alien ship around and go back home. A part him thought that maybe that was a good idea.

Back on the ship, he had been a little more focused on shaking everything that had happened off -- to just move past all the needles and how his entire day had gone from boring and average to the fate of the world being in his hands. Or rather around his neck. He’d been trying to just ignore that Stark was there and that he’d brought his kid along for some reason. He’d watched them for a time, seen how much Stark seemed to care about the boy. That had come to a head once they crash landed and Peter had been grabbed with a gun to his head and Stark had looked like he was going to kill the weird skinned alien on the floor. It had been so easy to see how absolutely serious Tony was.

Once it turned out that they were friendlies, Stephen had relaxed a little. One of them was even human which had been a crazy reveal and yet he supposed that it was a welcome one. But Stephen couldn’t concern himself with them and how they might help or hinder them since none of them seemed to be all that capable. Instead, Stephen had more important things to worry about. He needed to know if Stark’s plan to not return to Earth was a good one and if they would be able to protect the stone.

They were lucky that they hadn’t encountered anyone that actually did work for Thanos upon arriving, but there was no knowing when they would -- or when Thanos himself might arrive. Stephen suspected that the alien that had captured him had come to this planet to meet Thanos and give him the stone so it was a matter of time before he appeared and they didn’t have a plan on how to deal with that when it happened.

Before a plan, Stephen just needed to look at all the possible futures from this moment forward. Stark didn’t understand the importance of the Time Stone and how much of a difference it could make to have it and use it.

Being on a different planet was weird. The gravity was different which was odd once they got off the ship and onto the planet’s surface and Peter took a few steps. Mostly, Peter felt like his weight had changed. He stuck close to his dad, but Dr. Strange walked past them looking like he was in deep thought.

Tony placed a hand on Peter’s shoulder and steered him forward as Peter looked around and took everything in. Wherever they were, it was odd because there was oxygen and yet no visible life.It made Peter wonder about whether the planet had water. What it did have was a few moons and a sun. The planet had to be outside of their Solar System and possibly even their galaxy and while Peter didn’t know much about astrology, he knew that there were few planets that could sustain life and this one seemed like it could -- maybe. Or maybe they were breathing in something undetectable that would poison and kill them. The more he looked around, though, the more obvious it became that the planet seemed to be made up of ruins.

“Why do you think Thanos was coming here?” Peter asked.

His dad glanced at him. “Not sure but if those guys are here to go after Thanos then he’s coming here. They knew to come here looking for him.”

“Right,” Peter said with a nod. He was still a little bit annoyed by how easily he’d been grabbed.

“Quill,” Tony said.

“Star Lord,” he said.

“Sure sure, whatever,” Tony said, “what do we know about this planet? Where are we?”

Peter could tell that his dad hated having to ask but Star Lord would probably know more about it. It was also nice to know that his dad had probably been wondering the same things he was about the planet.

“This is Titan,” Star Lord said.

“Like Saturn’s moon?” Peter asked dubiously.

“No,” Star Lord said and shook his head. “We’re on the planet Titan.”

Peter was actually really curious about how someone from Missouri could end up in space travelling with some aliens and with clear knowledge of space and how it all worked. There had to be some sort of story there. Peter watched as Star Lord took out some sort of device that he waved around. A few seconds later he was frowning and looking a bit confused.

“The heck happened to this planet? It’s eight degrees off its axis. Gravitational pull is all over the place.”

Peter almost wanted to ask about how Star Lord could know that -- and what he was reading exactly to get that information or why it mattered so much. He had a whole bunch of questions but he was distracted from asking when one of Star Lord’s companions started jumping up and down, clearly enjoying the low gravity. They really had found a group of strange people.

“We got one advantage,” his dad said and Peter turned to him. “He’s coming to us.”

No one else reacted and it sort of seemed like his dad was mostly talking to himself and Peter. His dad seemed to have noticed the same thing because he started walking towards Star Lord. “We’ll use it,” he said. “Alright, I have a plan. Or at least the beginnings of one. It’s pretty simple. We draw him in, pin him down, get what we need. Definitely don’t want to dance with this guy. We just need the gauntlet.”

Tony had told him about the gauntlet earlier -- what Bruce Banner had described to his dad anyway. It was a little unfair that Peter had only managed to catch a glimpse of Bruce Banner during the fight in New York. It wasn’t exactly the biggest thing to worry about, but the man was brilliant and Peter would have loved to actually meet him.

If everything that his dad had told him about Thanos was true, getting the gauntlet off of him was going to be so absolutely difficult. Peter didn’t even -- he didn’t know if he believed they could do it.

He watched in surprise as the big alien with weird markings made a show of yawning and Peter watched as his dad who had been stressing out probably since this had all started turned and Peter didn’t have to look at him to know he was annoyed.

“Are you yawning?” Tony asked and his voice was taking that tone that meant he was trying to hold back his anger. “In the middle of this, while I’m breaking it down? Huh? Did you hear what I said?”

“I stopped listening after you said we need a plan.”

Tony turned to Star Lord. “Okay, Mr. Clean is on his own page.”

Star Lord sort of gave a half-shrug. “See, not winging it isn’t really what they do.”

Peter was sort of starting to figure out that they had somehow come upon some really useless people. They weren’t just weird but down right incapable.

“So, uh, what exactly do they do?” Peter asked.

The one with the antenas spoke up before Star Lord could. “Kick names. Take ass,” she said and both she and the other guy tried to look fierce. Peter didn’t even know how to respond to that.

When he looked at his dad, he could tell that Tony felt even worse. There was disbelief mixed up with maybe confusion and annoyance and Peter was surprised when his dad decided to just not comment on it. Maybe he felt like there was nothing that could be said.

“Alright, just get over here please. Mr. Lord, can you get your folks to circle up?”

“Mr. Lord. No, Star Lord is fine,” Star Lord said and Peter was tempted to ask him what his real name was because that just couldn’t be it. One of them had called him Quill earlier, but he seemed to prefer Star Lord.

They ended up in a sort of circle.

“We gotta coalesce,” Tony said and he seemed look at all of them, “cause if all we come at him with is a plucky attitude--”

“Dude, don’t call us plucky,” Star Lord said as if that was important in that moment. “We don’t know what that means.”

Peter wondered if it was worth it to stick with them. Then again, Star Lord had managed to bring him down and hold a gun to his head earlier and they didn’t really know what the other two could do. Peter had to suppose that they had some level of skill to survive in space.

“Alright, we’re optimistic, yes,” Star Lord said when no one said anything. Then, he motioned at Tony. “I like your plan. Except it sucks. So, let me do the plan, and that way it might actually be really good.”

Peter had thought that the posturing he’d seen from Dr. Strange and Tony earlier had been bad. Although in retrospect it had mostly just been funny. This was a whole other thing altogether and Peter didn’t know what to make of it because the whole interaction just kept getting worse and worse especially once a dance-off came up. It made Peter want to ask a bunch of questions that he also sort of didn’t want any answers to because how had these people saved the universe by dancing? And why did Star Lord seemed upset that Footloose wasn’t considered a great movie? No one thought Footloose was a good movie.

Peter -- and probably Tony -- were grateful when their attention turned to Dr. Strange and whatever weird thing that he was in the middle of. Strange was glowing and floating and his face moved from side to side really fast.

Tony knew he was getting frustrated and he hated it. Hated that he didn’t have a team he trusted around him or that trusted him as well for that matter. Well, he might trust Strange -- at least he seemed to have a recognition for how serious it all was. After all, these jokers had been there looking for Gamora whoever that was, and while they seemed to have a notion for who Thanos was, Tony had to wonder if they knew what the stakes of all this were.

Tony had to remind himself that it was them or nothing. That they clearly understood Space better than he or Peter and Strange did and that they clearly did have some skills. If they managed to help him keep Peter alive, Tony would let them say whatever they wanted however they wanted to say it.

Tony hadn’t noticed that Strange went off on his own and that he had gotten lucky enough to not listen to Star Lord and his team. It wasn’t until one of them asked about Strange that Tony even thought about him and then he was rushing towards him.

Strange was jerking rapidly and yet floating with his legs folded as if he were in the middle of some weird meditation which Tony wouldn’t have put past him. Tony could tell that he was using the Time Stone because it was glowing and there was green mist surrounding him.

“Strange, we alright?” Tony asked as he approached him and Strange came out of the trancelike state. He jolted forward as his eyes opened.

Tony rushed towards him, grabbing his arm as he dropped out of the air looking mostly confused. “You’re back. You’re alright,” Tony said, trying to find out if there was anything wrong just by looking at Strange’s face. “Hi.”

For a moment they stared at each other and Tony couldn’t decipher what Strange was thinking or maybe trying to figure out.

“Hey, what was that?” Peter asked, taking Tony’s words before he could get them out. He came up behind Tony and Tony was glad. He wanted to keep Peteras close as possible.

Strange seemed a little winded and he looked a little dishevelled. There was a cut on his forehead from earlier as well as dried blood on parts of his face. It took a moment to answer. “I went forward in time to view alternate futures. To see all the possible outcomes of the coming conflict.”

Of course he did. Tony didn’t know how the Time Stone worked exactly, but Strange had said that it would help them and this was good -- it was what they needed. Strange was thinking like him -- trying to plan ahead.

“How many did you see?” Star Lord asked.

Tony wanted to roll his eyes every time he thought about the name. They’d called him Quill earlier which was probably his real name -- maybe a last name. But Tony didn’t need to concern himself with that. Instead, he focused on Strange.

“Fourteen million six hundred and five,” Strange said and Tony could tell that whatever he’d seen in all those possible futures some of them must not have been good. But not all of them could have been bad--

“How many we win?” Tony asked and he wasn’t sure that he actually wanted the answer.

Strange looked back at him. Their eyes met and there seemed to be some sort of apology there even if Tony didn’t really want to think about what it could mean.

“One,” Strange said.

Oh, were the odds ever in their favor.  

Chapter One Hundred Twenty

[simpsonsnight]

Episode #494

The Ten-Per-Cent Solution Season 23 - Episode 8 | December 4, 2011

This episode is about Krusty the Clown, one of the few characters on the show that I feel hasn’t been ruined by the modern iteration of the show. But, that doesn’t mean everything he does or says is funny or good. That doesn’t mean Krusty episodes are all amazing. What it means is, they rarely do things with Krusty that betrays his classic edge. But this episode kinda does, I guess, if you’re a stickler for stupid shit like “canon” or whatever. 

About that: it’s weird how the idea of canon is a lame-brain version of some kind of immutable truth that exists in the show, but what it basically breaks down to is like a wiki dipshit remembering like facts about the show that MUSTN’T contradict all the other facts that are also in the database. The Simpsons “canon” has always been somewhat loose, with certain episodes meant to stand-alone, a floating timeline, moments that purely exist for the sake of a joke, etc. But this episode does make a bold choice of just straight-up ignoring that season 3 or whatever episode where Krusty goes into his backstory, revealing that he aspired to be a clown his whole life. Here he’s depicted as a guy who discovered clowning late in life. They also INCLUDE his dad in the episode.

Anyway, I’m not sure why I’m bringing up all that. The bottom line is: this episode isn’t very funny. It’s just a hollow collection of jokes that are, I guess, okay, but none of them made me laugh out loud. The least they could’ve done is not completely go back on Krusty’s backstory just so they could fit in an elderly guest star who doesn’t pay her writers.

MAIL BAG

Okay it’s mail bag now

you ever eat some on the hot selections at a convience store or a gas station. Got any suggestions if so?

No Way Hose-ay, never ever. I eat a lot of trash, but those rollers look demonic. They are a menace

the original voice of betty boop just passed away from COVID-19 complications. Do you have any parting words for this titan of animation history?

I would tell her, SIR, PLEASE FIND MY WIFE AND BURP ON HER. Yeah, that’s how I speak to women, even legendary ones, why don’t you give me the chair about it