#the situation my reps caused makes me cry every time I think about it because this so called 'solution' isn't humanizing IN THE SLIGHTEST

[musicrunsthroughmysoul]

Honestly, it's amazing how much better I am at managing my time effectively when I have the prospect of income again. It's like I remembered how to human properly! 😌

[youareinlovees]

Rep Tour Metlife Night 3 (submission)

The roar of the stadium fills the atmosphere like a thunderstorm as the expectators anticipate the start of the show. Though this isn't the first time he attends one of her concerts, the massiveness of the crowd and of the performance itself is still quite astonishing to him. It just wasn't the type of thing you got used to after a few times. Not to mention that this is the third consecutive night she fills out this stadium, which was impressive and a rather unheard of situation. 

"Are you ready for it?"

The crowd screams even louder as Taylor appears on stage with a black hood. For him, it's genuinely entertaining to see just how much the fans in the crowd love her, shouting out every single word to the songs. The impact she has on these people is really intense, some of them even crying at certain parts of the show. There's others that you can tell came as a group of friends for a good time and they hug, jump, and laugh together throughout the show. There's people of all ages, from couples in love to families that came together with little kids and grandparents, and every single person looks happy and excited. Truly a phenomenon.

But the most powerful phenomenon is the woman on stage on whom everyone's attention is focused. She is so beautiful and wonderful it almost feels like she's some sort of mythical creature. The passion she puts in her singing and dancing is endearing and at the same time very attractive to him. How did he even manage to have her love him? She's fucking gorgeous and perfect in every way. Her legs are just unbelievably hot and he knows he isn't the only one in the crowd having that thought. When she dances to Gorgeous, it makes his brain feel numb because all he can think of is the things he wants to do with her as soon as he gets her to himself after the show. But it's only the beginning and he knows the wait will be painfully long, so he tries to divert his thoughts elsewhere. As if reading his mind, she winks in his direction as the song ends, licking her lips and smiling cheekily. Warmth floods his insides in response to the gesture. Man, he'd really really missed her. They'd been apart from each other for some days because he had work things to do away in London. Though it was only a few days, he had ached for her company every single instant.

Apparently, she has similar feelings because she can't stop looking in his direction throughout King of my Heart. He remembers very vividly the first time she played him that song, some days after they'd made their relationship official. At the time, he couldn't believe she'd actually written that about him. He couldn't believe he inspired those feelings in her because she sure as hell inspired that and so much more in him. She fixes her gaze on him hungrily as she sings "we rule the kingdom inside my room." Oh shit. Her bum looks so good in that outfit. How is he gonna survive what's left of the show? Luckily, he's good at keeping it cool on the outside. He has no choice anyways because his mum and Patrick are right there beside him. He knows his face probably looks all giddy and lovestruck regardless, but he doesn't mind. She points at him in circles suggestively as she says "never took me quite where you do." Urgh she knows what she's doing and he can't help chuckling at her teasing. It's torture though. The fact that she's doing this in front of thousands of people is extra sexy. It's interesting because a part of him feels possessive and wants to snatch her from the stage and not have anyone look at her in a "she's MINE" sort of way, but at the same time it's satisfying to know that she's doing all this sexy shit and making everybody desire her, yet he is the only one who gets to have her. He's the only one who gets to love her and enjoy her, and a lot of what she's doing up there is directed specifically at him even though the whole stadium's watching it. Besides, he just knows that she loves having those secret moments with him, as she sings in Dress. So cruel of her to put literal moans on that song and blast them on stadiums. Her antics as she performs it are driving him crazy. Tonight, he feels particularly deprived of her and desperate for her touch because he's been away for what has felt like an eternity.

The crowd bursts into loud screaming one last time as the show ends. Everyone looks giddy and happy, as if they'd just gotten off a spiritual experience, which isn't that far from the truth, he thinks to himself. His mum and Patrick stay chatting with some people and he makes his way towards the dressing room. He says hi to Tree and the staff briefly and walks further down the hall until he reaches it. The door is open and there's no one else but her inside, with her back facing him as she looks in the mirror wiping herself with a towel. She's still sweaty and flustered from the show, and her hair is a bit messy, but she's the most beautiful creature he's ever laid eyes upon. If she looked stunning on stage, she was even more drop dead gorgeous up close.

"You look breathtakingly beautiful this evening, Miss Swift. I heard your boyfriend is out of town, may I take you out for a drink?," he says in a flirtatious tone.

She hadn't realized he was standing there at the door. She immediately looks up at him when she hears his voice and smiles at him through the mirror, her whole face lightening up as she turns around.

"Is that what they told you?", she says playfully as she makes her way towards him. She kisses his lips excitedly. He smiles against her mouth at her enthusiasm.

"Hello, love," he greets her softly when she pulls back for air. They embrace each other tightly for a few seconds, his hands caressing her hair. 

"How did it go in London? How was work?," she asks, resting her head on his chest.

"Work was alright. The rest was awfully dull because you weren't there," he answers.

She chuckles softly and looks up into his eyes. "I missed you so much."

"I did, too," he says, staring back. She puts her mouth onto his again, this time more passionate and hungry, her tongue going inside him desperately trying to saviour as much of him as possible. He welcomes it eagerly, her sudden aggressive desire catching him a bit off guard. He responds to her kiss with the same energy, biting her lower lip a little and devouring her delicious taste. His hands rub down her back, pulling her waist towards him. Meanwhile, her fingers snake into his hair as she pulls herself deeper into his mouth. He feels his crotch tighten as he becomes inevitably aroused with her body rubbing against his. His mouth finds her neck and she moans as he pulls her head back gently to get a better angle. 

"Shut the door," she pants in between kisses. They'd forgotten that there's people walking by in the hallway.

"Wait, don't you have to meet your fans in the other room?", he remembers, pausing for a moment, which results in a complaining grunt from her.

"I'll have them cancel it," she says decidedly, impatiently pulling him in again, "Most of them came the other two nights anyways."

He pushes her back. "Are you really sure about that?", he questions, raising an eyebrow.

"Do you really want me to answer?", she ponders back desperately, still insisting fiercely on kissing him.

"Fair enough," he chuckles as he gives in to her needs. What Taylor Swift wants, Taylor Swift gets.

She grabs her phone and sends a quick text to Tree telling her that Rep Room isn't happening tonight while Joe shuts and locks the door. He sneaks up behind her and wraps his arms smoothly around her waist, kissing her shoulder as she hits send. "Done?", he asks. She puts the phone on the table and closes her eyes. 

"Mmhmm", she moans as he runs kisses up and down her neck. Her skin is so soft and healthy. He grunts a little when her ass grinds against his crotch as she leans back into him. 

"You pulled some interesting bits up there tonight."

"Mmhmmm, did you enjoy them?", she says with a small smile, her eyes still closed. 

"I certainly did." He starts to unzip her glittery dress to bare her back. Her body is still warm from the physical exertion caused by the almost two hour long show. A shiver runs down her spine when his cold fingers brush against her skin, peeling away the dress as his mouth runs soft kisses behind her neck and shoulders. A loud moan escapes her, the sound making his erection feel even harder in his trousers. She finishes taking off the dress and turns around to face him, her naked breasts against his chest. He grabs one of them as his mouth finds hers once again, his tongue pushing inside in rhythmic movements. Then, he makes his way from her jawline to her neck, shoulders, chest, until he finally puts her other breast in his mouth, sucking and licking her nipple while massaging the other one with his thumb and index finger. She gasps in response. "That feels so good, baby," she whimpers in between moans.  Her breasts are a work of art in his eyes, everything about them is perfection: their size, their softness, the hardness of her nipples when she’s aroused, as it was the case right now. 

She pulls at the hem of his shirt, aching to feel more of his skin against her. He briefly releases her to quickly take off his shirt and disregard it on the floor. Immediately she pulls herself against him, her hands around his neck as their bare torsos collide heatedly and their tongues dance together. She runs her warm hands over his chest and his abs, sending electricity waves through his body with each touch. The sensation of her hardened nipples against his naked chest was too much to handle and so he dives down to put her breasts in his mouth once again. She moans loudly. "Joe, I...I want you so much," she says, almost in anguish. He licks and bites her nipples hungrily and then, he starts to make his way slowly downward, kissing below her breasts as his hands slide down her sides until he reaches her tummy. She inhales deeply. "Tell me, baby, what do you need?", he says against her skin as his mouth moves further down to her lower stomach. Her body trembles involuntarily in response and he can see her wetness through her panties. She’s very wet, he realizes with a grin. "You," she groans in response, holding onto the table for balance as his hands go up and down the insides of her thighs, "I need you, Joe." He teasingly pulls down the edges of her panties and kisses directly on top of her pubic bone. Her hips thrust forward. "Fuck, I need you now," she blurts out.

"Let’s take care of that, shall we?", he whispers in her ear as he picks her up and carries her towards the comfy couch in the dressing room, her legs wrapping themselves around his back. He throws the cushions to the floor with one hand and places her gently on the couch, kneeling in front of her on one of the cushions. He slides her panties down her legs and onto the floor, so that she was now lying completely naked on the couch. Such a gorgeous sight. "You are so beautiful, my love," he says looking up into her eyes. Her belly moves up and down with her quick breathing, her cheeks flushed slightly. He takes off her shoes and massages her ankles and her toes, releasing the tension on them from wearing tight heels for hours. Then, he starts to kiss his way up her left leg, gently pushing her knees apart to open her legs as he approaches her inner thigh. Finally, his mouth reaches her most sensitive organ and he licks and sucks on her clit, enjoying her delicious taste that he’d missed so much. She arches her back as the waves of pleasure penetrate her. His tongue continues to move around expertly as he digs into the corners of her walls and sucks and bites her clit. "Fuck," she moans, her fingers aggresively digging into the edges of the couch. He slides two fingers deep into her core, his mouth still working on her clit, and starts to thrust in and out. She tangles one of her hands in his hair and pushes him deeper inside her, his tongue joining his fingers inside of her. He gradually quickens the pace of his fingers as her walls contract around his hand and her hips push into him, until eventually she can’t contain her orgasm and comes loudly, screaming his name.

He licks his lips in satisfaction, savoring the fluids from her insides as he moves towards her face to kiss her gently, his fingers still inside her. "Did you like that?", he mumbles against her face. "It was so good, baby," she barely pants in response, "so fucking good". Hovering over her as she recovers, he takes his fingers out and licks them. He could never get enough of her wonderful taste. "I’m glad you liked it, because I’m not finished yet," he informs her.

However, her hands are reaching towards his trousers, where his erection is bulking out, attempting to unbutton them. "No teasing," she pleads. 

"What’s that?", he asks instead, deciding to mess with her a little regardless. He’d had to survive her teasing on stage for two hours, it was only fair that she endured something similar after all. He licks the outline of her areolas with the tip of his tongue as slowly and scarcely as he could master, forcing her to lay back, his fingers brushing lightly against her sides. "Joe," she complains, shifting and trying to pull his body closer to her. But Joe holds himself up firmly in a hovering position over her, his skin brushing only ever so slightly against hers every now and then, while his mouth was busy planting the softest of kisses all around her face, occasionally brushing her neck and behind her ears. "Please," she begs, still trying to pull him down.

"Please what? Say it to me, baby. I can’t guess what you want unless you ask for it," he responds calmly while continuing his slow torture on her sensitive spots. He wanted to hear her say it out loud. He wanted to hear her scream how much she wanted him.

"I want you inside of me, Joe. I want all of you inside of me now," she nearly cries out in desperation.

He nibbles on her neck one last time before unbuttoning his trousers. "Is that so?", he says mischievously as he finishes taking off his underpants and shoes. She breathes deeply in anticipation when she sees him completely naked in front of her, her insides feeling overwhelmingly empty without him. He leans towards her mouth once again and she kisses him with hunger, a small gasp escaping her lips when his dick rubs against her clit. "What do you want me to do inside you?", he whispers hoarsely into her ear. "I want you to fuck me, baby," she pants.

"As you wish," he says, staring deep into her blue eyes as he enters her wet insides slowly, groaning from the pleasure of feeling her warm core around him. She gasps and moans, her small fingers digging into his back as she hugs his chest towards hers. He thrusts in and out with slow movements, going inside deeper and deeper each time until he pushes against her cervix. She arches her back and responds moving her hips upwards, moaning and closing her eyes. He goes forward with a bit more strength, pushing her against the couch and touching on her G spot. "Yes, baby, fuck me," she whimpers, her breaths small and quick. Still deep inside of her, he sways his hips rhythmically, rocking their unified bodies back and forth. 

"I love you so much, Taylor," he says with adoration. Every inch of skin on his chest was in contact with hers, her soft breasts deliciously cushioned below him. "I love you more, baby," she says back breathlessly, running her lips across his neck and shoulders. He starts thrusting again, gradually picking up the pace. He holds onto the back of the couch and thrusts faster and faster, feeling her walls contracting against his cock. She moans as he goes even faster until she finally comes, another orgasm running through her body as she cries out.

The sight of her body squirming in pleasure almost makes him cum as well. But then, she unexpectedly pushes him to the side, switching their positions so that she was now on top of him. She kisses him and starts riding him energetically, her hands resting on his shoulders and her knees on the couch on either side of him. He grunts and caresses her breasts as she bounces on top of him, eventually placing both hands on her hips to hold her down, until the sensation and the sight of her with her eyes closed and her boobs bouncing as she fucks him become too much and he cums inside of her.

She collapses on top of him and the two of them lay in silence for a few minutes as they recover and stabilize their breathing, their bodies warm and sweaty. When he’s back to his senses, he notices her bathrobe is on the side of the couch and he reaches for it with one hand. He spreads it across her back to keep her warm. Covered with the bathrobe, she cuddles into his lap with her legs on one side and her head resting on his chest as she breathes in and out slowly. He caresses her head with one hand and rubs circles with the other on top of the robe on her back.

"That was a nice surprise there at the end," he says, kissing her forehead.

She smiles smugly. "I thought you’d like it," she mumbles against his chest.

"Did you kick out all the staff before I came in here?", he asks curiously. Usually there were stylists and make-up people inside the dressing rooms with her.

"Maybe," she answers with a smirk, looking up at him playfully. He chuckles in amusement, but secretly he’s glad that she did because he doesn’t know if he would’ve actually been able to wait until they got back to her apartment.  

It was hard to believe that this was the same person that had a whole stadium submitted to her performance less than an hour ago. This beautiful creature bundled in his arms was the same powerful force that gave around orders to executives, dominated enormous stages, and attracted followers from all over the world with her songwriting. Yet at this very moment, she’s just another vulnerable human, her blue eyes glowing like a curious child’s as she stares into his lovingly. She reaches up to caress his cheek softly with her hand, scanning his face with wonder. "You’re so gorgeous," she admires quietly. "That was amazing, babe. Thank you."

He leans down to kiss her gently. "You are the most stunningly beautiful creature inside and out that I’ve ever laid eyes upon. I am just fortunate enough to get to be yours," he says sincerely. He touches his nose to hers. "I love you, baby." And he truly loves her so much to the point where it feels like an unexplainable supernatural phenomenon, larger than life itself.

"I love you, too," she says warmly, her face shining like sunlight.

[herestomyhaters]

just finished love, victor season 2 & boy do i got a lot to say. beware the major spoilers & just fyi, this is comin' at you by a black, bisexual girl. PULL THE LEVER KRONK!

i don't really know who to blame 4 this, & i'm not one to dislike protagonists just because, it's just... is it me or are all other characters more developed + nuanced than victor is? i'd like to see who he is beyond the relationship drama. i mean all we really know abt him is that he loves basketball & we barely even saw anything about that this season (besides the whole homophobic lockerroom extravaganza)

mia brooks is defo giving me Best Girl. there's sth about her that warms my heart, and i think a big part of that is how rachel hilson brings her to life. it really makes u care about her. that being said, i wanna see more! i feel like they could be digging a lot deeper w/ her yet they never really do. hopefully s3 will be the one

ah, the whole benji situation. i'm not gonna lie, i don't really like benji. his relationship w/ victor was almost too perfect & bubbly for me, then it was a hot mess and they kept fighting over every single thing. i kept getting major gaslight vibes from him. i don't really think they belong together, though we should probably cut benji some slack since he has been dealing w/ a lot. i need him to own up about his white privilege tho

speaking of whites, felix weston! my man! he's one of my faves what do you want me to tell ya. seeing him in so much pain broke my heart but i love that they gave him more depth besides being the quirky, socially awkward bestie. he's one of my favourite characters 4 sure

which brings me to his relationship w/ lake. honest: i never really shipped them. they're dynamic was fun in s1 (though it was giving a bit too much stydia imo), though i never fully recovered from lake being embarrassed to publicly date him. they just didn't quite do it for me. and that's probably for the best cause... HELLO? BISEXUAL LAKE? LET'S FUCKING GO?! ngl i always thought if we got bi rep it would be w/ pilar, but i'm not mad abt this at all !!!

pilar !!! my bestie !!! my favourite serial killer vibes, billie-eilish-stanning e-girl. let's be honest she was kinda giving me pick-me vibes all season which didn't really seem like her? i could see the attitude in her style & snarky comments (which i both love), but i felt like sth was missing? maybe, just maybe... a plotline that isn't about simping for your brother's best friend who is in a relationship?

don't even get me wrong, i really like pilix! in that scene in s1, i did get the feeling sth could happen between them someday. i never really imagined they'd go abt it this way tho (i mean did we even see where pilar's feelings came from?), but i get how it's interesting to see felix being crushed on for a change. their chemistry is everything, i do wish the pining would've lasted longer (what can i say, a bitch loves slow-burn)

which is the same i can say for vahim. that's right baby, it's finally time to let y'all know where i stand. and where i stand is HERE. i love rahim to the death (also pilar & him are best duo!), he is hilarious & awesome but my god why is this show obsessed w/ getting characters into relationships when they've just exited one? barely?! absolute same thing w/ felix. it's kind of nasty & just makes rahim and pilar look like the rebounds

SIMON SPIER. WITH A BEARD. the power this mf holds cause 1 minute of his screentime had me crying like no other scene did. then victor saying he doesn't need him anymore?? well I DO ??!! i really hope they'll bring him back 😫

forgot to mention andrew so here it is: i love him, he's an amazing loving himbo jock bf. nothing else to say

all in all, i feel like a lot of situations could've been handled differently, and there's so much i haven't mentioned cause this season was PACKED (feel free to rant below). it's understandable i guess, so i'll end with these wise words by meghann fahy: it's tv BABY, people love drama!

[yvainegelinemarie]

The bois tell MC how proud they are of your hardwork and they see you giving your all!!

𝚨𝖇𝖔𝖚𝖙 𝖒𝖞 𝖜𝖗𝖎𝖙𝖎𝖓𝖌: ✨ ALL my writing prompts are gender inclusive and promote love, kindness and fun for all! 

✨I know that each and every one of our boys would love and support each and everyone of you and I hope that my readings portray that comforting, accepting and loving nature through and through~ 

✨And with that I hope you Spookies enjoy~~

☪ 𝕱𝖆𝖓𝖉𝖔𝖒: Mr. Love Queen’s Choice

☪ 𝕽𝖆𝖙𝖎𝖓𝖌:13+ No Warnings, Fluff, Encouraging, A Pick Me Up. 

☪ 𝕱𝖔𝖗𝖒𝖆𝖙 : Quick Read, bullet points

𝚨𝖚𝖙𝖍𝖔𝖗'𝖘 𝚴𝖔𝖙𝖊: I have been feeling kind of low and crummy these past few days trying really hard to put myself out there to chase after a dream of mine and I wasn’t expecting to be really hit hard with so many highs and lows and when it seems like you are stepping out of your comfort zone and facing your biggest fears at 90 to nothing there are a lot of times that you just need to crawl into someone's arms and to just let them tell you that you are good enough and that they see you working hard.

So for anyone else who has been trenching through this tough year and trying out new things that may scare you half to death, I want you to know that your favorite boy see’s you kicking ass and that he’s well, proud of you. 

Even if you have one particular boy as your go to I suggest checking them all out since each of them have different types of encouragement of different types of situations. Or at least read the one you feel like fits what you need to hear the most right now (and well, of course your fav.)

VICTOR | CH03 | 0 : 00 : 01

✨For those who are struggling with reaching their dreams✨

Hell knows when was the last time you have had a good night's sleep.

You couldn’t help but to be on your toes now glued to your computer screen in your darkened bedroom.

Completely unaware of the sun slowly creeping its way through the blinds.

This project was something you had only dreamed about producing years ago,

and in 3 days it was going to be launched to the public. You have done plenty of projects before but never something as passionate and as close to home as this one was.

This project was taking out a deeper side of you that you have never shown before and deep down you knew that it was time for you to express it. But that doesn’t mean you didn’t spend the last 4 months terrified of the outcome.

Your tired eyes reread the entry over and over again as each time you only feel your heart grow more and more anxious and your eyes fill up with tears. Can I really share this with the world? What if people think that this is all fake? Will I really be able to accept the criticism?

With your mind running on it’s own you missed your phone vibrating next to you. You had already received 3 miss calls from Victor in just the last 30 minutes.

It wasn’t until the ding of the voicemail that you snapped back to reality. 

Sliding your lock screen open and taking in a deep breath, ready for whatever lecture Victor was going to throw at you next.

In the Voicemail Victor’s voice opened with a deep sigh. “You better not be asleep, especially after you promised to have breakfast with me this morning. I’ll be arriving at your apartment in 20 minutes, you better be ready du-”

His words were cut off when you were startled by your phone ringing again, seeing victor’s name pop up on the caller ID. You quickly glanced down at the time on the voicemail that was sent 23 minutes ago?! Why did your phone just now decide to remind you?! You knew now from Victor’s call that it meant that he had arrived and you, racoon eyed, sleep deprived and still in your clothes from the day before felt a rush of tears swell up in your throat.

You were so focused on this project that you completely forgot about something that you were looking forward to so excitedly just a few months ago. 

You answered Victor’s call and brought the phone to your ear. “Dummy, don’t tell me that you just now woke up?” Victor said in his usual stern and playful tone. You choked on your tears before letting out a little hic. “I-I’m sorry…” You said brokenly as you heard the sound of shuffling, the click of Victor’s seat belt unbuckling and the slam of his car door followed by a soft beep indicating him locking it. “Why are you crying?” His voice instantly became concerned as he was quickly heading into your apartment complex. 

“I-I don’t want to talk about it...it’s silly.”

“Nothing is silly if it’s making you cry so early in the morning. When I get to your apartment, tell me what is bothering you.” He said bluntly, leaving you no room to make excuses like always. Even in times like this Victor was sure that he was going to effectively fix your problem. 

When he arrived at your apartment you slowly opened the door with your head hung down low as you looked just like you did moments before, sniffling softly. 

Victor gently put his hand on yours causing you to open the door quickly before embracing you in a hug as his soft, deep voice tickled your ear. “Dummy, don’t tell me you stayed up all night working?” He said as you hugged his suit jacket tightly, feeling his heartbeat against yours, his was a bit more fast paced. He must have been really worried, you thought before he let out a large sigh. “You always do this,” his soft voice continued. “Working all day and all night when your projects are close to the end. I know that you want to make sure that everything is right...but i've told you this before, there is no need to bear all of this on your own. Let me know when you are stressed.”

You squeezed his jacket lightly as you looked up at him, tears streaming down his face. “You don’t get it Victor. “Someday I want to be just as great as you. I want to be hardworking, successful, a-and I want to be proud of what I do. I want you to be proud of me too.” Your voice sunk as your hands slipped off his large back to rub your tired eyes.

Victor let out a deep sigh before lifting your face up to his.

“Dummy, you think I got to become this successful overnight? And just because I am good at handling my money doesn’t mean that I am good at everything. After all, I didn’t check up on you enough or tell you how great you really are.”

“What do you mean?” You questioned before getting cut off by a smooth and minty kiss as Victor’s lips warmed yours. He pulled away slowly as his silvered eyes observed yours intensely. “You are already great ____. And the only way for you to get better is to have confidence in yourself. As long as you are doing everything in your power to succeed, then you will. That and I am already very proud of you dummy, so you should be proud of you too.” 

Your eyes lit up widely as you were left at a loss for words. Victor was complimenting you! “I-” You didn’t have much time to speak before you were swept up into his arms and led over to your bed as your cheeks flushed red. “U-um Victor?” You said.

 “We're not doing that this early in the morning.” He said with a sigh before placing you on your bed lightly. “Get some rest.” He added pulling back the covers on your bed.

“But what about our breakfast date?” You stuttered out as you didn’t want to miss this opportunity. 

“We can go another time. And I’ll just cook you something here while you catch up on a bit of sleep.” He said with a soft smile.

“Ah...Okay...but…” You trailed off as his smile faded away.

“What?” He said with his arms crossed.

“Well, it’s just that I really wanted to eat at that restaurant...since you talked so highly of it last time. N-not that I don’t like your cooking I like it a lot it is just that-” 

Victor then let out a deep chuckle as your cheeks flustered up.

“Dummy, I know someone who cooks as bad as you isn’t criticizing my cooking. And we will eat at the restaurant next week, as a celebration for you completing your project.”

You blinked softly in shock before brushing your hair back. “Isn’t it a bit early to be making a promise like that?” You said softly. 

“Not at all. Because I know that you will finish it, AND I know that you will do well.” He said with a handsome smile as you felt your confidence slowly start to build back up.

Victor was right, you are great and you just need to have faith in yourself that things are going to work out for you in so many beautiful ways.

After all if it wasn’t for your assertiveness and strength you wouldn’t be where you are today. 

You pulled the covers close to you falling asleep almost instantly.

When 30 minutes had passed you were woken up to the song of birds greeting the sun and the lavish smell of a french styled breakfast.

After a quick shower and a change of clothes you join Victor in your small quiet kitchen surrounded by an array of foods that you are completely in awe of. You can’t believe that you had all the ingredients in your kitchen to make this?!

Crepes cooked to perfection with your topping of choice sat neatly on your plate with a summer colored mimosa delectly placed beside it. In the center of your small table was an arrangement of different types of bread, each piece carefully sliced next to small glass bowls of butter, honey, and two hand made jams. One sweet and strawberry while the other was citrusy and tangy. 

“You made all this?” You said to Victor as you slowly sat down. 

“Of course, I wanted to make a breakfast that suits you individually. It would have been grander. But given the time and limited space. This was all I could do. I hope you like it.” He added. 

“Yes...Yes I do! It is very lovely Victor…” You say calmly while your heart beats with excitement. 

“You truly are worth something this luxurious.” Victor’s calm and creamy voice says to you amongst your meal as you can’t help but to smile and nod softly in agreement, for he was absolutely right.

SHAW | CH03 | 0 : 00 : 02

✨For those who failed and need to pick themselves back up✨

This is it, you finally decided to try to go back to college. 

You figured that having some sort of title might help you gain some more rep when you go off to meetings with other executives andddd it wouldn’t hurt to learn a new skill or two that might help you with your growing career.

But who would have known that an entrance exam and thousand word essay would be so fucking hard to write?!

You already reread the prompt question a hundred times and were still facing the devil of writer's block. Staring at the blank page for hours and hours as your mind just kept wondering off to the chorus of the last song you heard. 

Normally back in high school you would have just stepped away and tried to start writing it tomorrow...or the day after...or maybe the night of (usually the night of) but now you really didn’t have any other time to write this paper unless it was right now!

Because you still had a job to do. There is absolutely no other time that you can squeeze in to write this paper unless you are writing it right the F now!! 

You ruffle up your hair in frustration and stomp your feet Come on stupid brain!!! Just give me something to fucking write!!! You curse at yourself only to find that it slumps you into a cycle of self depreciation.

Am I really so dumb that I can’t even easily pass a college eterance exam? Even Shaw makes straight A’s and he spends all of his time running from the cops in alley ways or playing hooky at the bar all night long. 

You lay your head down on the keyboard of your laptop as the letter h just types itself quickly across the pages where your essay should be. You let out a long sigh, laying there in silence as not a single thought floats by.

You soon sit back up, convincing yourself that if you start writing out nonsense then maybe something will come to mind. You then take a long stretch before tapping your hand down lightly on the keyboard. Then you hear the dreadful click of your mouse. 

Your eyes watch in doom as the essay page filled with the letter H soon disappears and a happy “Thank you for submitting your application to Loveland University.” pops up. 

Your heart then sinks to your ass. No way...no way!...NO WAY!! 

You quickly rise up from your chair as your breathing grows heavier and heavier. You feel your eyes foaming up with tears. Your one last opportunity is now completely screwed up all because your hand slipped?!?

Covering your mouth you begin to sob uncontrollably. Everything about today was going wrong and this was just the cherry on top. 

As you stood there crying Shaw had walked into the apartment with his skateboard and backpack in hand, sitting them down at the front entrance.

“Hey, Babe. I’m home.” His charming voice startles you. Oh great, you thought nowhere near ready to approach him about this. 

“Hey?” He says again as he makes his way through the apartment. “Where are you at?” 

Once he finds you sobbing in your office his expression turned forgien with concern.

Shaw is the WORST when it comes to comforting you but you knew that he tried his best to make you feel better. 

“Woah, woah...Babe...baby, why are we crying? What’s goin’ on?” He walks over to you, his arms open and ready to embrace you in a tight hug. 

The coolness of his leather jacket chills your heated face as you sob on his shoulder. He lets out a calming sigh as his hand rubs up and down your back, letting you get out all of your much needed cry. 

When you reach your composure enough to talk you explain to him between sniffles what had happened. Your self deprecation building up more and more before Shaw shakes his head no. 

“Hey now, stop talking shit about my girlfriend okay, only I can do that.” He said as you blink at him confused. 

“W-what?” You stumble on your word as Shaw leans over to wipe a tear off your eye. 

“Well I think that you’re really cool, and smart. And if someone like me can pass that entrance exam you can too ___.” He said.

“B-But I submitted my essay by accident already.” You lower your head defeated, ready to cry again as Shaw lets out a light chuckle before ruffling your hair.

“You know that we can call the administration and let them know what happened. They will see that it was an accident and let you submit it again. Mistakes happen babe but the longer you sit on them the longer it will take to get over them. The school doesn’t close until 8. So you have 4 hours to call them and get it fixed.” He said calmly as you nodded quietly.

Shaw was right, this was a mistake yes, and also a bit embarrassing. But it is human to make them, and everyone does. And when you make a mistake like this, dwelling on it is only holding you back from achieving your goals. 

You raised your head and clenched your fists confidently. “You’re right! For once.” You said to him.

“Hey!” Shaw laughs as he pushes you lightly causing you to giggle as well. You two playfully push one another back, poking at each other and slipping out silly names before Shaw’s arms wrap around your waist.

He kisses you lightly on the lips before smiling sweetly. “You got this, I know you do.” He said as you couldn’t help but to agree with him.

And sure enough the university understood your dilemma and sent you a new registration. 

GAVIN | CH03 | 0 : 00 : 03 

✨For those who struggle to let go of the past✨

You knew how this was going to play out. After all you have seen it time and time before.

And now you can’t help but to get a little discouraged at the disappointment that this was going to bring you. 

The past already proved it to be true after all. 

Countless failed outcomes have led you only to conclude one thing.

That this dream of yours was going to end up in complete and total failure.

But even if that was the only logical outcome you could think of you still couldn’t fight the feeling in your heart that was telling you that this WAS right. 

Yet, now here you were, stuck in limbo and unable to move forward. 

You sighed looking at your notes, you had always dreamed of one day that you would get to start your own business. Now not to read you wrong, you did love working as the CEO of your fathers company but it was seeing him build his business from the ground up that inspired you to one day do the same. 

You have spent as long as you can think back to. Brainstorming ideas, doodling logo designs and daydreaming about something that you could call your own.

And now here they come, those heart-wrenching thoughts from the past ready to quiz you and make you think, am I really good enough to have this dream? Do I deserve it? 

All those past experiences of people questioning your skills, telling you that you aren’t prepared enough and that you’d never be able to be the person you dreamed of just makes you want to curl up into a ball and give up. 

Even for a moment the thought of maybe they ARE right, floods in and you feel yourself wanting to cry, believing in it just for a moment as your ego tries to back up the negativity with ‘facts’ to prove it. 

You crawl your way back into bed heartbroken and honestly just wishing that all your thoughts, good and bad, would just fade away.

You pull the covers over your face as you begin to sniffle as your throat clumps up, ready for the tears to fall from your eyes.

And right on que they do. You bundle up closer and closer to yourself, sitting in silence with the haunting memories of the past.

You soon feel the bed sink down a bit before a warm hand runs it’s way up and down your side.

You choke on your tears more, knowing that it is Gavin and there was no hiding your tears from him now.

You felt the warmness of his body tower over you as his lips pecked the top of your head through the covers. 

“When you are ready to talk about it, I’m here okay.” He said to you quietly.

Gavin continued to rub your back in the silence of your room waiting patiently for you to collect yourself enough to talk to him. 

And after a good 30 minute cry session you slowly sat up before pulling Gavin into a warm embrace. Sniffling into his neck as he just gently pressed his lips to your shoulder. “You know ___, when you are hurting like this...I don’t want you to keep it from me okay? I’ll help you through this.” He spoke to you in a gentle voice. 

You slowly pulled from your hug as you wiped your eyes and began spilling out your heart to him. Telling him about everything. Every past encounter that has left you hurt and how you like to think that you have grown and gotten over the pain but it is moments like this that it just all comes back up again and you feel like you are right back to where you started. 

Gavin’s caramel eyes watched you quietly as he listened to you greatly, taking in your pain as if it was his own. You could tell that he truly understood and got you and that he really knew how badly it was hurting you.

And after a moment he spoke up. 

“The past can be painful sometimes, but it’s there to help us learn and grow. And you can’t ever know how something is really going to play out in the future either.” He said calmly. “All you really can do is take little steps now to lead you to the future you want. Don’t let it get the best of you okay? I know that you will do great. And I will be here to support you through it all.” 

He was right, all those times that people told you that you weren't enough, or looked at you like you were crazy. All those failed attempts and embarrassing moments, they were all there to teach you that you are great! And that you are very much worthy of your hopes and dreams!

Gavin leaned over to pick your notes up off of your nightstand as he studied them closely, a sweet smile on his lips. 

“I might not know much on how to start your own business, but just seeing this idea, I know that it is going to help so many people. You should go through with it.”

“B-but what if it fails?” You say with your head down.

“Well then we will just figure out the root of the problem, fix it, and move forward.” He said as you quickly looked up to see Gavin’s handsome smile as your eyes started to water again, but this time with happy tears.

Because now here you were, taking on your dreams, with someone who has always believed in you, and who has never once questioned just how amazing you truly are.

LUCIEN | CH03 | 0 : 00 : 04 

✨For those who rob themselves of fun✨

You were so excited to sit in at an exclusive lecture that you have been begging Lucien to take you to for months now. It was an introduction class to understanding Quantum Mechanics. A subject that racked your brain,but in a good way. 

And even though Lucien’s undergraduate degree was in biochemistry;he was still fairly knowledgeable and greatly enjoyed physics, and with that happily obliged to accompany you. 

You were filled with anticipation and the utmost excitement. Swaying your feet beneath your seat with anticipation as the instructure took his place at the podium. 

He was an older gentleman with a rustic and well uniformed style. His caramel colored suit complemented his toffee skin. His visible laugh lines and crow's feet along with his brightly colored red bow tie,symbolized a man who lived a full and prosperous life. And even now with no head of hair and whispers of grey singing through his beard expressed that same song of legacy and abundance through him. 

You were thoroughly impressed by the wise looking man whose hands were clasped behind his back patiently waiting for students to fill the seats before glancing at Lucien’s young and smooth features. Only to notice that he had been watching you the entire time, lips curled with his hand pressed closely against them. 

You panic for a moment waving your hands and covering your face. “S-stop looking so intensely at me.” You say as Lucien’s princely chuckle caused your heart to ache. 

“I can’t help it...You just look so excited. Like a silly little kid in a candy store.” he said before letting out a teasing sigh. “I am a bit upset that you never look this excited when you come to see my lectures.” He said crossing his arms and looking away from you with a sorrow filled expression.

“T-That’s not true! I love going to your lectures Lucien.” You said proudly. “It’s just that..well...sometimes it’s hard to understand...since you teach such an advanced class.” You say admitting defeat as you lower your head.

“I see…” Lucien said softly looking at you once more. “Then next time I’ll be sure to explain them to you in a way that you can enjoy and understand.” He said before lightly brushing your hair behind your ear. 

You glanced up for a moment to see Lucien’s gentle smile but before you could say anything the professor at the stand began his lesson. 

The first 30 minutes of the lesson went by in a breeze as the professor recapped on the basic understanding of quantum mechanics and the movement of an electron. These were all things that you have heard from Lucien before and even information you yourself have researched and understood. You happily listened, jotting down notes between cute doodles of bunnies and flowers as Lucien would occasionally add a cute butterfly or heart to your scribbles. 

“Hey.” You said in a soft whisper swatting his hand away playfully. “You of all people should know better. Don’t draw in class.” You teased him as Lucien couldn’t help but to laugh. 

“Your bunny looked lonely. I wanted them to have a friend.” He said in a soft voice, amongst the lecture it was almost too hard to hear, as you glanced over to see that Lucien had his notes displayed as well. 

You weren’t surprised to see how minimal and organized they were. His tablet was exposed with a series of information already written out as he was just adding to pre existing notes he had already written before the lecture started.

They were all neatly organized with his straight lined handwriting and not a single ounce of color or doodle was on them. Just a simple shade of light where certain words were ‘highlighted’ as important.

They look so professional. You thought as Lucien picked up his stylist and calmly added a bit of information to them. You watched him in awe for a moment, the way he was resting his hand on his chin,the engagement in his eyes and the way he quickly jotted down the information in tune with the professor's quick voice. It was clear that he had done this for a while and that he was good at his routined way of note taking. 

When you finally snapped out of your trance you noticed how quickly the professor was on a new topic from the last thing you had written down and glancing at your notes once more than the black board ahead of you. You realized that you were so far behind that the information you had written wasn’t even on the board anymore! 

For a moment you were ready to panic until you realized your position. You weren't in school anymore so taking notes wasn’t essential.

And with that you began to zone off again, letting your egotistical thoughts build up and up. The elder man before you had spent his whole life, in your opinion, becoming something great. He went off to college, got a degree, became an educator and he knew so much!! Even Lucien who just at the age of 26 became a well renowned neuroscientist! Yet here you were...the one who took over their fathers business. You started thinking about all the times an episode idea didn’t even make it past the first meeting with Victor and how you almost lost the entire funding of your show! You sunk down in your seat, spinning the ink of your pen over one of the cute bunnies...Was I ever good at anything? You wallowed to yourself unaware that Lucien’s soft glances were reading you like a book. 

He knew instantly that you were down. The way you were slouching, the unconscious pout on your lips, your eyes shining;trying to hold back tears, and the way your feet stopped patting with excitement from under the table. 

After the lecture was over and you and Lucien were walking hand in hand down the halls he spoke up. “Was the lecture too hard for you to follow? You suddenly looked sad?” He said as his eyes were stuck on you.

You groaned before slouching your head on Lucien’s shoulder, furrowing your brow. “Nothing ever gets past you huh?” You mumble as Lucien brushes back your hair, waiting for you to speak out your worries. 

You began your rant, talking about how amazing he is and the professor and how you enjoy learning about science and sitting in on all these cool lectures but you aren’t the expert and that you feel it is pointless to learn something that you are not good at. It then lead you to feeling that you are not the best at anything. Lucien listened to every ins and outs of your problems, holding your hand tightly in his. Once you finished with a long sigh he spoke up.

“You think that I’m the best neuroscientist in the world?” He said softly as you nod. “Of course, your 26 and you own your own research center, you travel the world, who wouldn’t think that you are-”

“But I’m not.” he said softly as the two fo you stopped walking. You glanced up at him as the same calm and sweet smile stayed on his face. “If not now someone better will come along and do greater than me but even then they won’t be the best...because someone will come along and become greater than they are. After all Science is built on advancement. When something is deemed as a fact that is helpful yes, but people are much more complex. Personally I think that if you choose to see life as becoming the best at something then you are viewing everyone and everything around you as competition. But your idea of greatness is not the same as someone else's, what you may see as failure and a fault someone else sees as empowering and inspiring, and that includes how people see you. I think that you are the best at what you do but that shouldn’t matter...since you know yourself better than anyone else. I think that you should be more proud of how much you've grown. Being the best only brings temporary happiness. While growth is ever changing and there's no limit to how it should happen and what needs to be done in order to grow.” Your face softened as Lucien spoke. You felt your thoughts lighten as a soft voice in your head kept telling you that he was right. I see Lucien as the greatest and most amazing person in the world but he doesn’t… he sees. “You.” his princely voice said softly. “If I had to choose who the greatest person in the world is to me...it’s you.” He added before kissing your forehead. 

You could feel the soft rise and fall of his chest as his warm lips laid gently on your skin. His rainy scent engulfing you while your hands slowly pulled him into an embrace. He hugged you back before brushing your hair lightly through his fingertips. 

Even in this moment with Lucien you have learned so much, you have grown...a sweet smile fluttered across your lips as your heart grew with pride. “I am so proud of me, and how much I have grown.” You whispered. 

KIRO | CH03 | 0 : 00 : 05 

✨For those who are feeling lonely amongst hard times.✨

You slouched at the front door of your apartment. Bags in your hands, coat slung between your arms, hair a mess and dark circles slowly morphing you into a racoon.

You kicked off your shoes to see your red and slightly swollen feet. An emergency had happened that caused you to stop and change every course of your life for the next month and a half. Having to make phone calls between friends, family, and companies ensuring the safety and calmness of everyone around you.

You had already spent hours reassuring worried hearts that you had forgotten to give yourself a moment to breathe and process everything. And now with this short time to finally be with yourself the stress, anxiety, worry and guilt flooded through you like a river as your eyes dropped like a waterfall. 

You had been trying so hard to remain optimistic for everyone else that your own feelings were casted aside and now here you were, alone and finally able to feel them. Only for the idea of being alone to make it worse. Sliding your way down and onto the floor beginning your crying session. Soon the buzzing of your phone scared you half to death. The handsome face of Kiro and his bright golden smile popped up on your screen. Oh great. You thought seeing the FaceTime message as you quickly dried your face and answered the call.

“OHHH My (Miss) Chip(s)!!~” Kiro’s voice sang. “Hey,” he pouted. “Why can’t I see your face? It’s so dark. And you’re sniffling...Don’t tell me you caught a cold again?” he said. 

“Ah-s-sorry. I’ll turn on the lights.” Your voice cracked as Kiro’s playful expression quickly turned to worry. You flicked on the lights and turned the screen to your face, rubbing your nose with your sleeve. Seeing yourself on the small screen of your phone, there was no way for you to deny that you were crying. Your eyes a puffy red mess (and makeup smeared down your cheeks). 

“Ah...I was um..” You try to explain as You watched Kiro already up and heading for his jacket. 

“Don’t worry ____. I’m on my way, you can tell me when I get there. Have you been crying for long?” he said as his cute voice now had a alert and serious tone.

“N-No...not too long. I just got home.” You say softly.

“Don’t hang up. I don’t want you to cry by yourself. Next time you are feeling sad, let me know.”

“Y-You don’t have to come over.” you say feeling like you were about to cry again.

“Don’t say that. Of course I do. It is a hero’s job to help those in need. Especially when it’s someone they love.” Kiro said as you bit your lip softly, you couldn’t deny him of this. 

When he finally arrived at your place you cleaned up a bit as you opened the door to an tight embrace. His hug was warm and inviting as your hand tightening on his back the moment Kiro pressed your head to his shoulder. You began to cry again. “It’s okay...I am here...you can cry now.” He said in a low voice. With that you spilled out your heart as kiro held you closely, his blonde hair tickling the edge of your ear.  

Once you had calmed down enough to talk the two of you sat beside one another on the loveseat in your living room.

You expressed all of your pain that you had been repressing about the situation and although you didn’t mind that people were using you for support, you never realized how tough it would be to take on everyone's pain and have no one to help you through yours. Kiro held your hand quietly, hearing out all your worries as the rings on his fingers were slowly starting to warm up by the embrace of yours. 

Once you had finished what you needed to say Kiro gently pressed your head to his chest, his arms holding you in a loving embrace. 

“Thank you...for sharing with me your worries. I know that it’s not easy having to take on other people's burdens but you aren’t alone...and I will always listen to you and I will always be here when things get tough. I want to be that someone you rely on to lift your spirits. You are the person that I want to make the happiest. Even when you feel like no one sees or hears you struggling, just remember that I do see you.” Kiro said in a soft voice as your eyes watered once again. You hugged him tightly, nodding your head as you felt like a large weight was just lifted off your shoulders. 

Kiro reminded you that you belong and that there is so much value in how hardworking and kind you are. 

And that this strength wasn’t something you need to burden through alone. 

✨Thank you for reading and I hope that this helped any of you guys going through a tough time who just needs a bit of encouragement. 

My DM’s are always open too and I’ll gladly hear anyone out. 🖤 

Sometimes all we need is just someone to vent to. 🖤

✨Check out more of my writings on my ✨master list✨

✨ If you like my blog and want to see more of me check out my other social’s, it would mean a lot to me~~ https://linktr.ee/Yvainegeline

[thebad---catholic]

My problems with AOS

Well here I am, 10 years late with an opinion no one asked for, but I have to write this down and throw into the void so that I can be at peace. I’ve been salty about this film franchise for a very long time now. This will mostly focus on Star Trek (2009) with the other two movies sprinkled in.

1. Starfleet

Honestly where do I even begin? In TOS, Starfleet was modeled after the navy (idk how accurately, but Roddenberry was in the air force so I’m assuming he’d know how all that works). You can get a feel for the chain of command, and everything feels natural with character ages and things like that. There’s a procedure for everything.

AOS Starfleet feels more like a high school club than an interplanetary exploration organization. Jim is supposed to be twenty-five when he gets the rank of captain- after he was almost expelled for cheating. He has no idea how to operate or run a starship. TOS Kirk moved through the ranks of Starfleet and was promoted on merit and leadership skills- he worked for his position.

Why was Jim the only person who knew what was happening when Nero showed up? Was there any requirements to joining to Starfleet other than get on the shuttle? Why did the linguist not know the difference between Vulcan and Romulan when they’re the linguist? How did Pike bypass the chain of command to appoint Jim Kirk as First Officer which was an obvious show of favoritism to someone was about to be thrown out of the academy? Why the fuck was he allowed to keep the title of captain? What the fuck?

Speaking of Jim.

2. Jim Kirk’s Character

I...don’t like Jim’s character in this film. It’s not terrible for a younger version of Kirk, but like I said though, there’s no reason Kirk should be this young. And in this one he’s just kinda a douche.

We know from TOS that Kirk gets around, but he genuinely cares for his exes, and in general respects women. He uses sex appeal as a strategy, but more than anything this comes off as a subversion of the femme fatal trope bc Kirk is a man. In the movie, he’s just a standard action movie protag who has lots of sex just because.

The scene when the Orion woman says she loves him and he replied “that’s so weird” is just...so weird? Like I can’t imagine Kirk doing anything in that situation than backing off and explaining that he doesn’t feel the same way. The scene continues with him hiding under the bed when Uhura walks in. Watching how the camera angle makes Jim out to be a voyeur made me uncomfortable then and it still does. It could be explained that Jim is trying to figure out Uhura’s identity or that he’s listening in and people look at who they’re listening to but like...she was in her underwear. You shouldn’t look at people while they’re getting undressed, especially when they don’t even know you’re there? Is that a hot take? Apparently.

In TOS there’s this really nice scene in This Side of Paradise(S1E24) where the whole crew is high (again) and has abandoned ship, leaving Kirk to tend to things. We see Jim move around the ship with a little clip pad and make the proper checks. This is a captain who knows his stuff. That is the Kirk we should have seen if we’re going to see Jim become captain.

AOS kirk goes through a standard “stop being an asshole” arc commonplace for male protagonists, but this happens well past the point he should stop being an asshole. Either the AOS series should’ve been a prequel with Jim becoming captain at the end of the trilogy, or he should’ve been older with a completely different arc- maybe coming to terms with his rank? Imposter syndrome? Learning to trust his crew and building trust with them? Building a friendship with Spock and McCoy? There’s a lot to work with here.

3. Spock and Uhura’s relationship

Why. Like why. For what. Por Que.

I like giving Uhura a bigger role, I don’t like making her a love interest to do that.

It doesn’t make sense for either of their characters. Lieutenant Nyota Uhura, linguist expert who handles all transmissions to and from the enterprise- an icon of black women’s representation is now demoted to Spock’s nagging girlfriend. This bothers me more than a little bit.

It manages to make even less sense for Spock. A hallmark of Spock’s character is his duality. He struggles to combat his emotions and the human half of him. His repeating character arc in TOS is coming to terms with humanity while upholding the Vulcan way of life. Having him in an established romantic relationship before this arc is supposed to happen just makes for a boring romantic subplot about a relationship that shouldn’t happen and that I don’t care about.

TOS Vulcan culture is kinda shitty. Explicitly patriarchal and stuff, and also kinda racist against humans. The source of Spock’s inner conflict is not himself but a society that views him as lesser for being half human. However, one thing that I can certainly understand from a “logical” (logic in quotations bc racism and sexism is fucking stupid) people is ritualized arranged marriages. It just...makes sense to me that Vulcans would simply have their mates chosen for them and then marry that person and be done with it. Neat. Logical. Conformity.

This makes Spock and Uhura’s relationship even stranger. Why would Spock go so against conformity that he dates someone before he truly comes to terms with himself? Even if they throw out ponfarr and arranged marriage, it still doesn’t work but now it especially doesn’t work.

My personal theory is that Spock and Uhura’s relationship was established purely to make shippers shut up. It’s no secret Spirk is the most popular ship from TOS. I have no doubt they knew this while writing the movie. So to quietly wrap a no homo on Spock and Kirk’s friendship, they use Uhura as a prop to do so.

The teacher/student dynamic should only be relegated to fan fiction and the throwaway line about oral sensitivity makes me cringe. Every. Time.

4. McCoy

Karl Urbans performance is easily my favorite part of this movie. He captures DeForrest Kelley so well it hurts. He made Leonard Nimoy cry. His chemistry with Pine made McKirk go from the most underrated triumvirate ship in TOS to rival Spirks popularity in AOS. His scenes with Zachary Quinto are just *chefs kiss*.

So why doesn’t he have more of a role? The triumvirate is missing a third.

In particular, there’s a scene where Uhura, Kirk, and Spock make their way down to a planet to talk to a Klingon. I can’t remember which movie it was or why, but Spock and Uhura were bickering and Kirk remarks “can we do this later?”

The line was funny. It would’ve been golden if it was McCoy and not Uhura.

A fantastic performance by an underutilized character in a movie where that character should’ve been at the forefront.

5. Representation

I am skeptical of any movie that advertises diversity. Nonetheless, it made me happy to know Sulu was going to be gay. This is Star Trek after all, known for its diversity and large LGBT fan base, and an homage to George Takai who’s a gay man irl. So whatever.

The fact that I wasn’t expecting much says a lot about the current state of LGBT rep in media but this blink-and-you-miss-it shit is really starting to get to me.

I mean he jus- he doesn’t even give his husband a KISS. Like why.

6. Destroying Vulcan

WHY. Oh god why.

This isn’t Star Wars, JJ. We don’t do that here.

Imploding Vulcan was the most god awful shock value bullshit plot device I’ve ever seen in a movie and it was done entirely to make Spock sad. Besides the gaping plot hole of “why did Nero go back in time to destroy Vulcan when he could’ve just saved Romulus” I’m just grasping to find a purpose for this particular event. New fans don’t care at all about Vulcan while I was enraged that they would do Amanda that dirty.

It’s not just that they did that, it’s more that they did it like that. Vulcan’s destruction should’ve caused a federation wide meltdown as the biggest catastrophe in the entire franchise. If they were gonna make the stakes so pointlessly high, they should’ve treated the destruction of Vulcan exactly how they would treat the destruction of earth. There a million ways to treat that event with more gravity and million better plot lines that don’t involve G E N O C I D E

7. Miscellaneous petty bullshit because I’m a baby

-lower the fucking stakes Jesus Christ

-Don’t like the set. It’s bright and white and boring and gives me a headache. You don’t need a remake of the old set but like have fun ya know? Shit looks like an Apple store.

-Christine and I are the same in that we are both soft and are thirsty for Spock. Imagine my surprise to learn she wasn’t fucking there. Same with Janice but I’m more pressed about Christine. I don’t even remember the name of that blonde doctor lady who is Not Christine but i didn’t want her.

-The costumes in AOS look boring but still don’t feel like a uniform either. I deadass think Chris Pines outfit in the SNL skit looked better than the actual movie (minor adjustments needed)

-I didn’t notice this at first but someone pointed out that women’s uniforms don’t signify rank and now I can’t not see it. I don’t...think this movie treats women good? Or McCoy? Or just people who deserve better?

-Lens Flare

-I get why they did it but I don’t like that they misquoted the opening theme to say “no one” instead of “no man”. I probably wouldn’t have even notice except they gave the line to Uhura. Comes off as just a touch too “yay feminism” which is really rich coming from that treated Uhura like an object to be looked at when she wasn’t too busy being Spock’s emotional support gf, and completely cut two women from the main cast.

8. Conclusions

If I could describe these movies in one word it’d be generic. Which sucks because Star Trek far from generic.

They’re fun to watch but not think about. It was nice that I got to see a Star Trek movie in theaters. I just wish it as the same Trek I saw on TV.

[kirstinmaldonado]

CHAPTER TEN 2.0

I had a horrible migraine Monday night. It was one of those that you feel after holding back tears all day, or letting it out all day, it was centered right in-between the eyes on the upper bridge of my nose. My eyes sweltered under discomfort. The icepacks or a cool touch to the head, something my mom would always do (she always has cold hands), couldn’t even console me. I didn’t feel feverish at all, but the pain was sharp and pulsating like a nervous heartbeat, over and over, until I couldn’t concentrate on TV or anything anymore I just had to go to bed and hope I could fall asleep. 

I rarely get those kinds of headaches, that placement and severity. I’m usually fortunate to pass with dull, achey, temple headaches; and even my hangovers are never so pointed and jab-like.

My mom on the other hand, has dealt with migraines for years. I remember her pain as a kid, waking up in the morning wondering where she was, only to find her in the dark in her room, barely able to speak sometimes. I was always so sad to see her in such anguish, all alone in the dark. Silent. Still. While her head throbbed as if a brass band was playing “The Music Man” at too loud a decibel.

We watched a lot of horror films, my mom and I. In contrast to all the Disney films, I grew up on Jeepers Creepers, Scream, Final Destination and all the Freddy, Jason, true horror classics (yes, and all seven billion of their sequels). When she would be in bed, in the dark, we’d joke that she was a vampire needing her rest and that she needed to stay in the dark unbothered, and that lightheartedness to the situation made us smile and contented us.

Monday, Ben asked if migraines ran in my family, and though I told him about my mother’s constant battle with them the last couple years I was hoping mine felt more situational as opposed to genetic. Fingers crossed on that, and kudos to mom and those who get migraines for sticking it out cause they can be a big B-I-T-C-H.

I say situational, because it’s been A WEEK to say the least, with big things and confrontations happening in the public eye and in my own private life. The last two weeks have been incredibly eye-opening, painful, uncomfortable, moving, you name it. An entire rainbow of emotions (Happy Pride, by the way, cuties, I haven’t forgotten about you all).

I feel as if I’ve transformed into a new person with big, wide, new eyes, shedding some old skin that felt a little naive and a little out of touch with how the world, not should work, but how it’s REALLY been working. I’ve been talking to my black friends and fans, talking to my Hispanic family and hearing their stories, and talking amongst my friends and respected mentors. I’ve been doing some soul-searching and digging through memories of my own cop experiences (one, for example, at 17 with two white males [we were pulled over and eventually surrounded by 4 armed cop cars that got us out of the car, surrounded us, and wouldn’t tell us why] and wondering but knowing how that situation could have been if they were black), my jokes of being white-washed or assimilating in to white culture and not focusing on my own, and me coloring my hair blonde and wearing colored contacts not MY brown eyes for so much of my life and wondering what the intention of it all was for. Was it genuine or was I doing it to fit in, did I think it made me prettier, or more likable? Did I think or know that it would get me roles, because many ingenues or leading ladies at the time didn’t look like me?

At a point, at multiple points, all the things I’d uncover or watch in recent news had my stomach hard and in knots. Every new clip made me feel like I wanted to throw up, but I couldn’t stop now that I had SEEN.

I was confused. Hurt. Believing what I’d seen, but needing other facts as if I was missing something completely because it all did not make sense to me. How COULD it?

I apologize for all the reposts and rants, but I hope it’s stayed in line with being something you should SEE, regardless of if its uncomfortable or not, so that you KNOW what is happening, while also trying to call action to addressing the issue but moving FORWARD towards a solution. I don’t want violence on my page. But now it’s hard to turn a blind eye.

The organized BLM LA protest on May 30th changed my life. After the speeches, we wanted to continue marching, moving, using our freedom of speech and combining our white, brown, black, and all colors in-between of voices so that we could be ONE VOICE UNITED to be HEARD. 

I don’t think I went to the front lines because I was white-passing and felt safer, or because I was a woman so could be “less a threat.” I went because my black allies, who I didn’t even know, asked us to because the front was starting to get unnecessarily violent. I went because I had done nothing wrong and planned on doing nothing wrong. I went, in a way, to be an innocent. Because if I was in the front with no bad intention, the people beside and behind me would be okay.

As we walked through the crowds, their hands on my shoulders, their thanks, flared something visceral deep inside of me and I knew I was here to protect and mediate, and in a way, fighting against hate in whatever form as if I was a newborn Avenger. Someone cried out “I love this, this is what this movement is for!” and that has stayed with me as so many lighter-skinned protesters made their way to the front. Because that IS what this is for. Not to divide, but to unite to fight for justice against those that have unnecessarily been wronged.

I’ll never forget one black man that my friends and I urged to stay back beside us in the lines that had pushed to the front. He was angry. Upset. Hurt. Defiled. I’d never understood the pain the black community felt. But as we tried to reassure him, block him from the batons (from THAT COP), bring him back to the safety of the group, when I was hit in the ribs and the face as collateral because he would have been hit so much worse, the last thing he said as we pulled him back was “I want them to hear me.” And suddenly I felt holding him and consoling him was wrong, like I was a part of stealing his voice from him even though all I wanted was to keep him safe. Suddenly I felt so upset, so angry; although, of course, I’ll never even know HALF of that feeling as a non-black person who, to my knowledge, has never been treated differently for their identity.

I’ll never forget the way he said it. With so much hurt and pain, the anger fading in to just pure anguish and loss.

I felt like I’d silenced someone, so all I could do was get back to the front. It was my turn to be silent and let their voices carry behind me.

I’m sure you’ve seen the video going around, the stillness before the cops were ordered presumably to push the line back. While I can have a whole blog post of levels and steps they could have taken before the cop bashed through my canvas sign with his baton, you can look at the video and see for yourself. People getting hit because they were at the front, with no provocation. The man striking me with a baton, honestly probably because I had said openly to watch out for him, because he was showing a LOT of premature violence, because of how quickly he went after the man we were protecting; yet then only pushing the white girl next to me with his hand, even though she unfortunately was struck multiple times from another officer.

All awful!! All taken a step too far. I’ve never been more in shock. Ben was trying to pull me off the floor so I wouldn’t get stepped on. Our friends were hit by rubber bullets. Our other friends on another street running from tear gas.

The tear gas, the rubber bullets, the bruises and the ache have *I PRAY* started to leave Los Angeles as all the protests have started to become more peaceful and more organized. Since, I’ve been to three and they were all just, beautiful, and moving, each one getting better and bigger as the week went on. I carry a sense of pride and love seeing the aerial footage of all the people Sunday, and I think back to what my May 30 experience was compared to June 7th. I heard it was the largest protest yet. And while I felt like a sardine in a can, it was so packed, it was beautiful and it’s a memory I’ll hold forever!

I sidebar to say, I may no longer be cheering at the literal protesting frontlines with you for a while  — I must return to Texas soon for family so must safely quarantine  —  but know the fight for equality, for justice has not ended just because it’s not trending anymore! I think I’m gonna have to shackle myself to my house so I won’t leave, haha, but know there is so much you can be doing from your home! As my grandma said, after the protests which are the catalysts and the calls for change the REAL reformative work begins!! And the road is long! 

The most important thing, in my humble opinion, is to show up. To not be afraid. To ask the questions. To educate yourself through your friends with their experiences or through history.

Humbly, you must think, but what even can I do to help?

Showing up isn’t JUST protesting. It’s signing petitions. Donating to charities. It’s calling local reps. It’s doing the research and thinking, what can I do to lend my voice to help create a better world for all and doing it authentically if even imperfectly because deep down you also want to right these injustices and demand change! Do it in public. Do it in private. But do it because you believe in it!

I know everything feels a bit dark and overwhelming right now! The amount of times I’ve needed a “break” and then wanted to cry because my black friends and fans don’t get the opportunity to take “breaks” is countless. But your mental health is important for you to be the strongest ally you can be!

And if you’re afraid of backlash, understand that many are hurt. I know many feel nervous to speak up in a damned if I do, damned if I don’t kind of way. But EACH of your voices are, and have always been so, so important. And each and every one of you have an important say and CHOICE/VOTE in to where we lead our country!

Someone told me this week that although sunflowers follow the sun, when it is cloudy and dark, they turn to face each other and share their energy!

I don’t know if that’s a million percent scientifically accurate, but the sentiment brought me to tears. In times of darkness, we should all be able to lean on each other for support.

We can all be sunflowers in the dark. <3

Love you all.

[devintrinidad]

Oh yeah I read that fanfic! It was good. =) Lol well I have to admit. The Cancer bit was inspired a lot by RBA. I still have it on my mind whenever Cancer cell pops up. XP Plus I had to keep 1146 and Cancer antagonistic philosophical buddies and the idea if Cancer being in love w/a born ‘useless’ WBC 3803 highly amuses me somehow.

My favorite bit is 1146 being a very protective scary RBC who doesn’t take crap from anyone - Because Killer T can’t hit him now. Xp On the flipside he yells at 3803 a lot more. On the other flipside the Killer T, NK, WBC trio is incredibly irritating to Killer T. Unlike 1146 who treats NK and him like work friends at best. 3803 and NK became close friends and they both annoy him so much and team up against him. 3803 doesn’t mean to. She tries to get everyone to get along. But she’s either up in her own annoying antics or defending NK as a good kind person. Unless NK thinks 3803 really deserves to be reprimanded, NK will typically use any time Killer T acts mean to 3803 as an excuse to beat him up. The beauty of their friendship is very exhausting to Killer T. Gets worse when 5100 and 4201 talk smack to him in their own ways. In the end 1146 ends up, ironically being that weird guy he complains to and who listens when he’s not defending 3803 from him (yay for Killer T in this au. He finally sort of has a non immune cell friend in RBC 1146. It’s mostly a friendly antagonistic one at best since 1146 hates it when anyone hurts 3803’s feelings. But one time they almost drank tea together before Killer T’s pride woke up,and decided that’s too wussy of a drink). 

4989 would eventually want to meet 3803 after hearing so many rumours. 3803 is so unusual looking (still has that red hair and gold eyes) and friendly, he can’t bring himself to feel intimidated (she has that affect on the typical non immune. Unfortunately it lets the more jerk ones feel braver about insulting or disrespecting her. That it until 1146 pops up to put them in their place). Right away he tries to enlist her in helping him get to high places for better areas to slingshot his packages to far away targets. Sometimes his friends will look up and see 3803 princess carrying 4989 or giving him a piggy back ride as she leaps from one place to another. Trying to follow his directions to what ever spot he wants to get but can’t on his own. 2626  and 2048 think it’s awesomely funny and almost want to ask 3803 to carry them around too. 2001 and 1146 put their foot down and try to get 4989 to stop asking 3803 to be his vehicle of transportation for things he shouldn’t be doing. It doesn’t work. At one point 3803 has carried every single member of the RBC squad except 1146. He refuses to burden her in anyway (and is naturally embarrassed to be in any vulnerable looking position with anyone. Even more embarrassed about being embarrassed about wanting to appear strong for everyone all the time. Probably even more embarrassed about being held by her. He imagined it once and it caused him to get so overwhelmed wth so much delight he freaked out and ran the entire circulation in record breaking time. Maybe that’s how he found he had a crush). 

One time a building collapsed on her while she was protecting 1146 and pushed him out if danger. He immediately freaked out and started using his insane RBC strength to lift huge debris out of the way, screaming her name in terror. He found her barely awake and unable to move. He picked her up and carried her in his arms calling and begging for any nearby Macrophage to notice (big battle going on). When no one could afford to, he ran through a war zone to get her to the infirmary. Hours later when he’s told she’ll be okay, he just starts crying in relief because he realizes he has all this pent up fear someday her dangerous job will take her away from him and he’ll be the reason why. 

Dendretic gives him a cute picture of her as a thank you and get well. When 3803 finds out she asks if 1146 is all right if she has picture if him too. 

When they get a lot closer and more comfortable together. 1146 will sometimes sweep 3803 off her feet and tease her the big strong WBC is being coddled by a puny weak RBC. 3803 will tease back she’s the puny one in height and there’s nothing weak about a RBC. She lets him do it because she knows he’s shy about his feelings and is always concerned for her since she always ends up with the most dangerous assignments despite being naturally physically weaker then the average WBC. It’s why he’s always uplifting her spirits and calling her amazing for being able to do what she does despite any obstacles she’s facing. Ironically 1146 gets a rep for being a fearsome RBC who can tame the beserk WBC (ironic, it was kind of the other way around since he’s gotten a lot more laidback and personal thanks to her). He strikes a fierce appearance just standing there or walking while a chattering or sleepy 3803 cuddles comfortably in his arms. In reality in 3803 and her friends eyes, 1146 just looks like a happy adoring goof doing his best to make his friend’s harsh life a little more comfortable and feel appreciated. 

~~~

So many great head canons and situations here! If I could start a new fanfic with all of these ideas, I would so totally do it. As it is, however:

“I am not enjoying this.”

A huff.

“Seriously, 1146, I am not.”

An eyeroll.

“... if it makes you feel any better, I didn’t ask her.”

3803′s eyes twitched and she narrowly avoided dropping 2001 flat on his butt. 

“If I remember correctly, you wanted to know how it felt like to be bridal carried.”

1146 pinched the bridge of his nose and prayed to whatever deity out there that he would make it through this cycle without exploding. 

“2001, tell me--” Before 1146 could finish, 2001 interjected with his two cents.

“it’s really comfy in her arms, actually.” 2001 looked up at his comrade and let a small smirk grace his lips. “Now that I think about it... maybe 3803 should carry you next.”

1146 smacked a palm against his forehead and pulled the brim of his cap low over his eyes. 

No, his cell membrane was not blushing, thank you very much. He’s just having a headache, dammit!

~~~

In all seriousness, I love the parallels that you’re drawing here and the relationships that you have described really fit well with the characters. I can totally see 3803 being friends with NK and I can definitely say that 4989 would definitely take advantage of the transmigration routes--especially if that weird WBC 3803 were to help him out! :DDD

[lovenliterature]

My thoughts on folklore

(all my personal stuff will be crossed out so u can skip if you want)

the 1

Giving me strong first love vibes

Highly vibe with thinking you’ve seen your ex when you haven’t, such a frequent experience

V much reminds me of Stan and like, its nice to imagine what could have been without disliking how things are

Like the line about how you should show if you want someone, prevents complacency and I like that, love is work and when you forget that inevitably it falls apart

It’s also kinda nice to realise how many things lead you to where you are - if one thing was different it would all change

Comfy reminiscence

Favourite lyric: in my defense, i have none/for digging up the grave another time

cardigan

feels quite a mature outlook on a relationship

V pragmatic

the first notes, straight into lyrics that just fill me with nostalgia

also like its not denying your feelings, you still feel like an old cardigan but you feel special AS that without changing

Peter losing Wendy is such a good line 10/10

Music vid gets points too tbh

Oof chasing shadows in the grocery line is high key relatable (literally being at uni with my ex anyone)

Stars around my scars now i’m bleeding feels like he’s distracting from the hurt he’s causing, he heals wounds while causing others god this is a mess

Favourite lyric: chase two girls, lose the one/when you are young, they assume you know nothing

the last great american dynasty

Probably one of the closest things to a bop on the album?

the font and background in the lyric vid are perfect

love the juxtaposition with the wedding was charming/if a little gauche and the parties were tasteful/if a little loud - it’s like she’s so close to being accepted but it’s always tinged with disapproval

Favourite lyric: either she stole his dog and dyed it key lime green or free of women with madness/their men and bad habits (the bridge is just stunning)

exile

god what do i even say about exile?? 

Made me fucking bawl my eyes out the first time I heard it

the two perspectives are just so relatable and heartbreaking 

Choosing Bon Iver to collab with?? Perfect, the voices mesh so well and its just gorgeous

the opening verse is very relatable and its so well articulated and Justin Vernon’s voice just really hits home 

the I gave so many signs is high key relatable and i really really feel that

Also just the concept of both of them being left with no home - 10/10, no breakup is seamless

Favourite lyric: like he’s just your understudy - it feels like you’re gonna jump right back in but you’re not, you’ve been recast

my tears ricochet

I didn't have it in myself to go with grace/And you're the hero flying around, saving face - big oooooof, such a good way of showing how victims are expected to be the bigger person and be grateful idk

‘Cause when I’d fight you used to tell me I was brave - This is so relatable, like whenever you cut ties/fall out with someone you love this is such a strong feeling, they’re usually the ones backing you up and now its them you’re fighting with and that’s hard to reconcile

the bridge!!! OMG!!

Favourite lyric: and I can go anywhere I want/Anywhere I want, just not home

mirrorball

Also one that’s close to a bop

And I’m still a believer and I don’t know why - I know its not about disillusionment with politics/humanity but for me it’s very much, I want to believe in the goodness of people but fuck it’s hard

Favourite lyric: you’re not like the regulars/the masquerade revellers

seven 

My favourite song literally from the second I heard it

Like the whole vibe is so very me

and though I can’t recall your face/I still got love for you

Very much reminds me of Sam, I can’t remember that much about him but I can remember how close we were and how important he was to me and I wish nothing but good for him 

Love you to the Moon and to Saturn - sounds like it was written for me at about 7, Saturn was my favourite planet and this was the kind of music I listened to at that age, just v nostalgic

Verse 2 is just my favourite part of the whole song, the melody, hiding in the closet, everything. That youthful naivety really makes me think of my friends when i was little. Even when i had problems with my own dad i desperately wanted to rationalise my friend’s dad’s anger to protect her and she practically did come live with us.

Favourite lyric: And we can be pirates/Then you won’t have to cry/Or hide in the closet

august

Wow this one has about a million and one different meanings for me

Summer fling, being used, reminds me of a CERTAIN SOMEONE, took place either side of August especially with the alcohol imagery

Whispers of are you sure? - first relationship, so good at making me comfortable, let me take the lead

Will you call when you’re back at school? - first relationship, long distance

I remember thinkin’ I had you, both situations, the non-relationship thinking it could be more and the relationship thinking I wasn’t gonna lose him

And I can see us twisted in bedsheets - first relationship, the first time we had sex and just the first times we were able to relax and be open with each other, really nice innocent memory

Favourite lyric: August sipped away like a bottle of wine

this is me trying

Back to December vibes

Also sad vibes, no fixing what you’ve fucked up but you’ve gotta try

I don’t wanna relate too hard because relating to it means thinking about things I can't fix

Favourite lyric: They told me all of my cages were mental/So I got wasted like all my potential

illicit affairs

Make sure nobody sees you leave/hood over your head, keep your eyes down 

Feeling of hiding and being hidden, not sustainable

You feel like you aren’t worth loving, aren’t worth people knowing you love them

A drug that only worked/the first few hundred times 

Hmmmm Patch who the fuck could this apply to????

Look at this godforsaken mess that you made me and For you, I would ruin myself

Value yourself higher boy but yes about a certain someone

Favourite lyric: And clandestine meetings and stolen stares/they show their truth one single time/but they lie and they lie and they lie

invisible string

Green was the colour of the grass/Where I used to read at Centennial Park juxtaposed with introducing him to Centennial Park - GORGEOUS, and highkey relatable

A string that pulled me/out of all the wrong arms, right into that dive bar - it’s always nice to see how relationships that didn’t work out can set you up for a better future

Favourite lyric: hell was the journey but it brought me heaven

mad woman

They strike to kill, and you know I will - yess bitch be angry

And there’s nothing like a mad woman - the notes and the delivery on woman give me CHILLS

The Pre-Chorus is gold, really relate to intensifying aspects of you that are criticised because yeah, fuck them

Favourite lyrics: No one likes a mad woman/what a shame she went mad/you made her like that

epiphany

Does this make me cry almost every time I hear it? Yes

The first verse being about war also makes me think about the mythologisation of healthcare workers as heroes, allowing governments to sacrifice them as martyrs

The melody of the whole song is gorgeous

Favourite lyric: Something med school did not cover/someone’s daughter, someone’s mother/holds your hand through plastic now

the medics are equipped to deal with the practicalities of treating people but not the emotions and not the feeling of not being able to help or even let someone die with their loved ones

betty

I am not sapphic but this gives me major sapphic vibes and I would die for betty 

Give betty all the rights

Such a nostalgic vibe, fearless/fifteen/white horse/love story sound and i am HERE FOR IT

Also lots of red references and i love that

Really like figment of my worst intentions, turns a usually somewhat positive image upside down

In front of all your stupid friends? - really dude?? You cheated on her and now you’re insulting her friends??? What the fuck

Will it patch your broken wings? is a pretty line though

Favourite lyric: Would you tell me to go fuck myself?

peace

Natural assumption is that it’s about finding peace with a partner, i really like that it’s the opposite, committing to a relationship despite the chaos, despite the lack of peace

But I would die for you in secret - in the age of social media knowing someone has your back whether or not others are watching is so important (yes this sounds very pretentious i just mean like knowing that you’ve got that person no matter what is so important)

Favourite lyrics: Give you the silence that only comes when two people understand each other/Family that I chose, now that I see your brother as my brother

hoax

The vibe is just very calm and melancholy and i rate that

I am ash from your fire - this is such a good rep of toxic relationships, defined in relation to your partner, burnt by their bright flames, left behind

Favourite lyric: You knew it still hurts underneath my scars/from when they pulled me apart/but what you did was just as dark

[incarnateirony]

Too bad wanking at every second person doesn't pay the bills. You'd be living in a mansion... or your house, at least, instead of grandma's couch.

What irony is this that you come to my inbox hiding on anon as a keyboard warrior not realizing you just made me 10 cents because I installed an ad tracker for people like you.

I regret to inform you: If I’m minding my own shit on my own wall, and people insist on causing DM drama storms and sending wank on anon like a coward, I’m not the one wanking at people, you’re wanking at me, and you could, like. Stop. At any time. 

The same way I gave the original perp 2 weeks to stop, at any time, before the resulting rupture of their friend circuit when people actually read the whole conversation, not the parts they wanted to exploit. Which would have been entirely avoidable, if they left me. The fuck. Alone. And stopped. Trying. To sociopathically. Break. Friend. Systems. By talking. Shit. Behind. People’s. Backs. And. Exploiting. Their good faith. But luckily the people that matter have all had this straightened out. I did everything in my power to keep it from coming to this. The other side has 2 weeks of trying to fracture friend groups. Even people who had bitten this perpetrator’s absolute horse shit came around and apologized once they saw the whole history of it. I know it’s painful for people to realize they might have been acting wrong, and the internet gives people the power to double down without consequence, but that doesn’t make you any more right than it did before.

I’m very unclear how this kind of self reflection is that difficult.

Given I’m sure the new victim pose now that I’ve offered to completely reveal the truth of the warped conversation will claim that it’s bullying to clear my own name against their lies or – as one is still choosing to endorse, and literally told someone to tell me – “blackmail.” No. Offering to show the world how you are besmirching someone is not blackmail. If you were the innocent party in that FUCKING conversation and its pure form, it wouldn’t be “blackmail”. You started showing parts of the conversation around out of context. You. You did. 

Releasing the full record to clear the name of the person you’re lying on isn’t “blackmail”, beyond the fact that I’m giving them a final warning to leave. me. the fuck. alone. I don’t know what entitled bullshit universe you live in that you can lie and distort a conversation and then call it blackmail when the person goes “No here.” *hands full conversation over* Here, let’s blanket party try to beat someone down, and then cry when they swing back. Let’s threaten to call the cops on someone after you started an event, and then claim blackmail when someone turns over the video evidence of what you’ve done. That isn’t how this works. It’s “blackmail” because they’ll realize the whole world will see what they’ve been doing. And that’s not how this works. That’s not how any of this works.

I am not responsible for anyone’s feelings that shy away from stronger personality types or recoil to it. That’s your own stuff. Realize that’s your own stuff and that it doesn’t negate the reality of how you’re all acting. If you’re ashamed of that fucking conversation then maybe stop stirring shit about it and trying to make it about anyone else than it is: the people ashamed to show the entire conversation.

Actions have consequences, kiddos. And I’m 99% sure anyone else in this fandom would have raked this person out two weeks ago instead of giving them a chance to come down, to stop, to come around, and to even still now have a chance to stop before I show people just how fucking nasty they’re being. To me. To you. To their “friends.” To everyone here. 

But mysteriously, none of these self righteous goblins have turned up to ask for it. Because it isn’t about what’s right for you. It’s about what you can destroy because of your own personal internalized bullshit that is quite literally not my problem. That’s for you to cope with. None of you actually want the truth. You want convenient, personal truths divorced from reality, whatever confirms what personal bias of emotion, rather than the actual scope of the situation, that makes you feel validated. This isn’t remotely about what any of you pretend it is.

It’s y’all being mad and taking posts to heart that use words like “ignorant”, “ignorant to the LGBT history of american cinema.” Nobody knows everything. The narcissists in this fandom hate the idea that they missed a critical piece of information, but the difference between ignorance and willful ignorance is the choice to reject that in the interest of personal wants. It’s literally the entire reason the bronly lane exists even. So check your bullshit at the door. Stop being the damn jocks in school shoving someone around because they knew shit you didn’t. And no, if the kid you’ve been throwing against lockers for weeks gets video evidence and says “knock it off or I’ll take it to the principal and the student body council and you’ll end up expelled and ostracized”, that’s not blackmail. That’s fucking consequences for you being titanic douchebags. And someone being kind enough to give you one last chance to stop before you ruin yourself.

Or sure. A circus of women speaking for and over LGBT men, over history, to argue against imagined GA phantoms. I’m half sure that’s another part of why the perp doesn’t want it outted because their own text went in a loop of “it’s text but it’s not enough text because idiots will argue so it’s subtext,” when that isn’t how it works, but their continued platform is contingent on it. Or, “I’m not fighting with tinhats, I’m fighting with… other people. Not the GA openly addressing it either. People. Mostly my own, that I’m heavily party of convincing that the text I admitted is text is subtext because I want to argue with literally nobody but the people I personally continue to convince we need to argue about this.” So yeah. I bet once that went full circle, they felt pretty fucking stupid with just being asked simple questions. Who? Where? What people? How does that change text being text? Low visibility text is still fucking text. 

No, you don’t get to say I’m telling people to stop fighting for rep when I say the exact opposite. It’s that pedaling backwards isn’t even 0% helpful, it’s negative helpful, and erasing yourselves and your own content is 0% progressive just to argue with phantom foes. But you *feeling* stupid and me *calling* you stupid are two different things. And yes, smart people can get dumb ideas. If you see some rando post calling history-ignorance and resulting behavior bad– well. Yeah. *jazz hands* Now how you internalize that as an attack on your entire essence is a whole other fucking bag, rather than going “Hmmm maybe I should educate myself in this area.” Plenty of others have. You’re the ones not only digging in your heels, but turning into graveyard dwelling hyenas about it to attack the person who said the thing you internalized. No, even if you *think someone thinks you’re stupid* because of how you internalized things, going out of your way to literally lie on and systematically attack someone’s entire friend networks, while they’re telling you to leave them alone– what god awful planet did you come from that you even think that’s an excusably proportionate response?

However you choose to process that shit is yours, but if your own loops make you realize you’re running in circles, that’s… still a you thing. Like if you abjectly refuse to process that maybe you’ve been taking a bad angle that’s you. And says nothing about the conversational manipulation, your abject fear of anyone seeing how you *really* were talking in full, how you really were acting, as a direct result of this. Or the very active, conscious choice of going around trying to wreck the reputation of someone because you chose to internalize that issue and then spray it at them, when they are doing nothing but telling you to leave them the fuck alone and stop making drama. Lying, twisting, hiding it, manipulating it all in a petty grudge match because you don’t like someone else’s opinion that you agreed with until you realized you ran yourself in a circle. Calling your fellow women--not even just me--in this fandom defamatory misogynistic slurs. Get the fuck out of here.

How is this fucking difficult, any of it.

[razorblade180]

Think about me

*Beacon Roof*

Jaune:*landing on his back* Agh! Best 5 out of 9!

Pyrrha:*giggling* I think we should call it a night Jaune.

Jaune:No way! I can still...*gets halfway up then gives up* Okay....You win again.

Pyrrha:I’m impressed though. *helping him up* You’re getting better with every swing. Almost had me a few times.

Jaune:Oh you’re just saying that.

Pyrrha:*scratches head* Well.....

Jaune:Not surprising, you are the best in our year. Maybe even the best in the whole school.

Pyrrha:I doubt that; Fox looks pretty intimidating.

Jaune:Well no matter the fight, I’ll always be in your corner.

Pyrrha:*blushing* So...got any plans for the rest of the night?

Jaune:For once I’m actually caught up with my assignments. I have no plans besides showering; maybe check in with Ruby just cause. If Weiss doesn’t slam the door in my face again. She’ll still glare at me even if wave at her.

Pyrrha:*slightly bummed* I see; how is the whole Weiss situation going? Any luck?

Jaune:She’s less....Weiss towards me hehehe. I guess that’s an improvement. Pretty sure I still have no chance though.

Pyrrha:That’s...too bad. Jaune, can I ask you something. If you don’t mind.

Jaune:Sure, What’s up?

Pyrrha:*red* Have you ever considered... going after someone else? You know, broadening your horizons. Surly she isn’t the only girl you find attractive.

Jaune:Hmm? Well, you’re definitely right about her not being the only attractive girl. For instince, there’s two on my team.

Pyrrha:*red as her hair*

Jaune:It’s just, I guess there’s something about Weiss that just tugs on my heart. It’s hard to explain. I know I’m probably wasting my time but I have to try right?

Pyrrha: “have to try” huh? Jaune?

Jaune:*looking at the moon* Yeah?

Pyrrha:If I said you make me feel the same way Weiss makes you feel, what would you do?

Jaune:.....*whips his head around*

Pyrrha:*hiding behind her hair, hands shaking.*

Jaune:*slight frown* I’d say I’m sorry; I couldn’t accept your feelings.

Pyrrha:*flinches at his words* Oh...is that right? *choked up* should’ve known better.

Jaune:Pyrrah....

Pyrrha:Excuse me, I have to go- *hand his grabbed*

Jaune:Please look at me.

Pyrrha:*tears in her eyes*.....

Jaune:I’d refuse because it wouldn’t be fair to you. How could I bring myself to date you if I know I’m not whole heartedly committed? I can’t do that to you.

Pyrrha:*wiping tears* You’re just saying that.

Jaune:No wouldn’t; I promised not to lie to you remember? Could you date someone for real if you have these feelings for me?

Pyrrha:......no; I guess I see your point.

Jaune:I know it’s a lazy excuse but it’s the truth. Besides, I feel like a guy like me would only slow you down.

Pyrrha:Jaune....

Jaune:It’s true, you’re a rising star. I’d probably only bring bad press or something. Honestly I’d probably bring the same with Weiss; I just can’t win. *slouches shoulders*

Pyrrha:So, those are your true feelings?

Jaune:Yeah, I probably sound like an id-

Pyrrha:I’ll wait...

Jaune:Huh?

Pyrrha:I’ll wait for you. If you’re gonna keep trying to get Weiss then I’ll keep trying to get you.

Jaune:That...seems like a viscous cycle.

Pyrrha:I don’t intend on waiting forever. *holds up 4 fingers* Just four years.

Jaune:That’s our entire time at school!

Pyrrha:Exactly, if you’re still in love with her by graduation then I’ll give up. I might lose interest by the time graduation comes, so there still wouldn’t be hard feelings. If you change your mind about her by graduation though and I’m still waiting, then you’ll at least give me a shot.

Jaune:Even If I do give up on her, your rep-

Pyrrha:Four years is a long time, and that’s a lot of roof top training nights. You really think you won’t be an amazing fighter by then? After all, you have me in your corner.

Jaune:.....

Pyrrha:*holds out hand* You got nothing to lose Jaune. All I’m really asking is to keep me in the running for your heart. To think about me.

Jaune:*sighs and grabs her hand* You really twisted my arm here didn’t you? Just promise me no matter what, we’ll still be partners and friends.

Pyrrha:*smiling* Cross my heart!

[Weeks later]

*roof top*

Jaune:.....*holding her crown* cross your heart huh? *looks around*

*rubble of Beacon scattered around *

Jaune:Four years....*crying* couldn’t even make it to one. At least one thing will stick.

I’ll always think about you....

[willel]

Season 3 Review

TLDR; I’ve only watched it once so far. My opinions are relatively positive, but I did have this... weird feeling like something more was meant to happen but didn’t. 

The Review:

Here’s the order I will go in. Plot review, and then character by character review. For the characters, I’ll try to put the shorter reviews on top. Don’t expect a perfect review, these are my free flowing thoughts. 

Plot:

Plot was ok? I’m going over it in my head right now and there’s nothing in particular I didn’t like. Like last season, maybe they could’ve spent more time on other characters and relationships? Relationships that REALLY needed it? The flow of the story moved at a decent pace. I didn’t really feel like it was dragging at any parts. 

I know this will be an unpopular opinion, but they just have way too many characters. When you have this many characters, you spread your story thin. It happens every single time. Why do writers never learn from this? The more you add, the more time you have to give them, time you don’t have?

But now it’s too late. Maybe some of these characters can fall back into the background? (Such as Robin, who I didn’t mind really)

As for how everything resolved, it was ok I suppose. The Mind Flayer? He was cunning, sure. But not nearly as cunning as the fandom dreamed him up to be, and I preferred the fandom interpretation. For a while we’ve all been predicting the Mind Flayer wouldn’t immediately go for El. He’d go for her friends and family, or Will’s friends and family, or Will again and then make it’s way to her. It’d make his beef with her very personal. Like take Mike. Or Hopper. Someone she’d least likely expect. 

But no, it was taking random victims from town, or people El already didn’t like or know. (which by the way, I feel sorry for those poor people. Some were just children. Tsk)

Things could’ve gotten so much more cunning and creepy. Like they’d all be questioning if they’d been infiltrated by the MInd Flayer and someone in the Party wasn’t on their team or something. I dunno. Something. 

As for how everything wrapped up, I don’t think Hopper is dead for one. Joyce was breaking down and assumed he was dead, but was she actually looking at his crispy body, or just an empty spot? If it’s empty, why do I feel like he escaped into the portal or hid somehow? Huh

And the very end?? As predicted, the Byers are moving away. I know before the season released the big theory was Will and El would be kidnapped, but after we got a still of Jonathan caressing Nancy’s face (they both looked to be crying), the shot of The Party biking away from the Byers empty house... I dunno. Something was off. Would Joyce still move if they were gone? I mean surely she would’ve stuck around Hopper to get help in finding their kids, and I highly doubt Hopper was gonna move anywhere. 

I remember a very long time ago, Noah mentioned something about characters coming together, but not in the way he expected. And more recently, he said something happens at the end of season 3 that will give him and El more screen time next season. 

This leads me to 2 conclusions. All that Byers fluff I wanted is next season... AND SO IS ALL THE EL AND WILL I WANTED. 

But... I feel like there was so much opportunity to put some stuff in THIS season, you know? So, I’m kinda conflicted right now. I look forward to it next season, but I also feel it could’ve fit in this season 2. 

CG looked good. Better than I was expecting. So good job folks. My biggest takeaway is simply too many characters. There just is. 

So, onto the characters!

-----------------------------------

Characters 

Erica: Very happy with how this turned out. We’ve already got black nerd rep with Lucas, but now his little sister too? So rare to see in media to be honest. It would be so cute if she joins The Party for DnD games. Not as a main maybe, but the person to go to for math.

Robin: You know, I’m glad it took the turn it did, with her being gay and all. I’m glad they aren’t trying to pair every single person under the sun. I think it’s good that Steve found someone that gets him, but that is truly just his friend that happens to be a girl. That said, I don’t know what there would be for her to do in future seasons, you know? Like, maybe she serves a role similar to Mr. Clarke where she can crack some code or something. But as a character? There’s no where for her to go, you know? And that’s not a bad thing! I think she can totally work as a supporting character. (though I feel conflict with that too. Cause she’s LGBT representation and we’re kinda imbalanced with the cast if you know what I mean)

Steve: I was fully expecting them to turn Steve into a complete goof and lean in too hard on the meme. They still kinda did, but it wasn’t as bad as I thought it was going to be. His doucher side still popped out now and then. Some scenes with Robin I liked (the bathroom discussion). Other times they spent WAY too much focus on his story (the “do you remember ms. Clicker” and “ooo the ceiling is wavy”). That said.... I feel like Steve’s character has also been mostly resolved? Where does his character go from here? Maybe he’ll get a girlfriend, but like Dustin’s girlfriend, I don’t find it necessary to focus on or anything. He’s got a friend his age now, still friends with Dustin. If there weren’t so many Steve fans, I feel like it’d be a natural progression to have Steve fall back a little too. (but I doubt that’s going to happen.)

Dustin: Dustin. Mmm. Dustin. I always feel like I have so little to say about Dustin. Not because I dislike him, but hey. We all have our favorites, right? I’m glad he took Erica under her wing and showed her it’s ok to be a nerd.... SD THAT HE BROTHER COULD’VE HAVE DONE THAT, but I digress I digress. Sometimes, your sibling isn’t the one to show you the way. It’s cool that he got a girlfriend I guess, so he actually wasn’t upset about Max and Lucas at all. He basically had similar feelings to Will, but less angry and intense. Was not interesting in the whole singing situation, but it was nice to have a comedic comeback with Lucas and Max teasing him.

Lucas: Lucas, my other son. He served the role I thought he would this season. The love doctor, trying his best to set his bestie on the right path. I mean, I guess his advice was sound, but El isn’t Max. His and Max more toned down relationship is how I feel like 14 year old romances should be. Teasing each other. Teasing mutual friends. Playing around. Hugs. They’re sweet. Wish we’d gotten more time of them talking about stuff going on though. I thought Max and Lucas would kinda work together to give their friends some space and give them time to think or something. Not Lucas actively working to get them back together and Max almost doing the opposite. I’m so happy that he was trying to apologize to Will about the dnd campaign. Will insisted he didn’t care anymore, but I bet he still appreciated Lucas bringing it up and saying it was a good campaign. What a good friend. So cute that they worked on the fireworks together. AND THE SEASON STAPLE HAPPENED, THEY HUGGED! YES. AND LUCAS WAS ACTION MAN, CUTTING EL FREE OF THE BEAST

Max: Max was definitely out of have fun this season. I’m glad she made a new bestie and they got along great. Though I do think Max could’ve approached the “you should be more independent” situation more gently (because El will take it all literally and do stuff word for word), it is what it is. The end result was positive. I’m glad Max called Mike out on being a little too controlling/protective, but you would’ve thought the others would’ve said something sooner? I guess Will tried but we all know how that went. Lucas poked fun at him, but didn’t really push for change. So, it’d make sense for Max to be the one to do it I guess. El had to make things change, not Mike. What I did not like this season was Max on multiple occasions trying to get through to Billy? We saw what their relationship was last season. Toxic as all hell. I’m sure Max wouldn’t want Billy to die or get morally wounded or involved in the supernatural shenanigans but... something was just off about everything. Mm.... like... she’s seen what Billy can do. Would she really doubt he did something bad that hard? It would have been nice if El had a “I need you to trust me.” line with Max like she did Mike. They’re both in their own way trying to dictate what El should be feeling (Max much less so, but still). Even if Max believed her, would’ve have changed much either way. Moving forward, where can her character go? Maybe some family stuff? Billy’s dead now. Where will Neil’s abuse go? Because, it’s clear he’s always just been a piece of shit. 

Mike: Mike wasn’t as cruel as he could’ve potentially been, but he certainly was a little shit sometimes. His love and affection for El was clearly becoming an obsession. I’m glad he was basically forced to take a step back and had to try and work things out. El gave him virtually no pity or reward until she felt like he earned it. And the whole thing with Will? Ooof. What were you thinking Mike? Will obviously put a shit ton of work into his campaign and then you treated it like a joke the entire time and didn’t realize you were being a butt until Will finally had enough. Mike has always been very emotional and hot headed. He easily gets tunneled visioned too. But you know, despite liking girls and being with a girl, Mike Wheeler is still Mike Wheeler, a nerd who doesn’t know how to deal with girls really. I’m sure by the next time we see him, he’ll be much better.

Hopper: Hopper??? He was.... basically a dick the whole season. While I didn’t mind he was being the “leave enough room for jesus” trope he had going on, threatening Mike and making him lie to El was just.... what the heck are you doing Hopper? You’re really going to risk your relationship with El and Mike because you don’t like that they’re kissing so much? I get that you miss spending time with your brand new daughter, but I’m sure eventually all those butterflies would calm down and you could have your father and daughter times again. He should’ve swallowed his pride and did what Joyce said. And then Joyce? Omg Hopper please. She lots the man she was potentially going to marry and move away with less than a year ago. I know you’re horny, but please have a little class? I don’t hate Hopper, but man. He was WAY out of line sometimes. And I probably only feel this way because Joyce essentially told him “Screw you” multiple times. I can see why Joyce was hesitant to jump into a relationship with Hopper. He does share a few qualities of Lonnie. Don’t get me wrong, not NEARLY as toxic. But Joyce spend the whole season arguing with him like she did her ex husband. That can’t feel good, you know? Hopper needed to be better. He needed more time. Buttttt, unfortuntelyyyyy, time that could’ve been used for that.... wasn’t used for that. As for his death? To be honest, I won’t be convinced until I see a proper body. But just.... he was so considerate and patient last season with Joyce. What happened? Ooof

Joyce: Joyce. Best mom Joyce. I love her. Always have, always will. She did not take any shit this season from anyone. I can tell she was beyond pissed that Hopper was blowing off her concerns yet again. It was hilarious that she left him alone to yell into the void and was like, “No it’s ok. I’m just gonna borrow these and break into the facility without you.” I wanted soooo much moRE TIME WITH HER SONS. OR WITH EL. What are you doing Duffers? Then again.... when I really think about it, Joyce hasn’t had anything to do except worry about one of her sons in season 1 and season 2. It was a nice change of pace for her. She had her own adventure of sorts and that’s great. That said, I did love the .00002 second clip of her and Jonathan wiping his face. And I love that she was hugging Will so tightly that he actually said, “I’m suffocating.” I also liked that Will and Joyce cried in each other’s arms..... BUT WHAT THE HECK, SOMEONE GIVE EL A HUG PLEASE

Jonathan: I will say Jonathan’s nonchalance toward Nancy’s treatment did not feel quite like him, but I guess I understood his point of view after they were fired. Like, OBVIOUSLY he didn’t like Nancy’s treatment, but I guess the Byers financial situation has gotten so bad he just.... let that stuff slide (Joyce mentioned how Hopper was her first customer and she’s doing nothing but putting clearance labels on all their store products, so her job is definitely not safe) I’m glad we were granted not only the arguments, but also their apologies and whatnot. I feel like it’s in Jonathan’s nature to be skeptical until he’s proven utterly wrong. Not a bad trait to have, just makes him a wee bit hard headed. I was sorely missing Byers bro time. Omg there were so many opportunities to have them not just next to each other, but speaking and stuff? Or worrying about their mom? Or something? What is up with that? Ooof. They said this season was reminiscent of season 1, but I don’t see that at all. Even when Will wasn’t there for most of the season, the Byers still just... had so much???? going for them??? But now? There are no gifsets I can make this seasons of the bros basically. Or of Joyce and Jonathan. Like, nothing. And that’s a shame. (Just that scene of them driving in the car basically) Though, LET ME JUST SAY IT WAS SO BIG BROTHERLY THAT JONATHAN WAS TRYING TO HELP EL BUT WAS UNABLE TO CATCH THE WIGGLY CREATURE. AND TRYING TO PROTECT EL FROM THE WRIGGLY MOUTH TENTACLE. He’s so soft. 

Nancy: Nancy had a lot to do this season and that’s great. I wonder now that the two hot dogs holding her back the most in the post are gone if she can finally shine and make a name for herself? Or maybe she’ll follow her mom’s advice and work for a different paper? I’m glad she stood up for herself and followed through with her investigation. Also, it was kinda cute that Mike called for her when the big beast was breaking through the ceiling

Karen: KAREN. I thought I was going to be really mad at you this season, but I’m glad you turned things around. Ted sucks, but he’s not a creep or abusive. If you want a new life Karen, then I hope you do it the proper way. Just divorce him or whatever. But you know what? Karen dragged his ass out to a crowded fair and he actually seemed to be enjoying himself so maybe he just needs a push in the right direction. As for the kids, omg. I’m glad Mike and Nancy finally came to her to cry and talk. Maybe they didn’t tell her everything, but at least they told her something? You know? And she had beautiful sound advice for Nancy. Karen is back in the graces of good moms again. 

Will: WIll my boy. I know they said Will would be getting a break this season, but other than his friendships falling apart and feeling like the worst... to me, it was kinda odd how the Mind Flayer didn’t care about Will at all? Will is basically giving away all of the Mind Flayer’s secrets and he doesn’t care at all? Does he not know? Surely the all powerful Mind Flayer can tell... unless it’s not the Mind Flayer piece that’s giving Will this ability to sense him. Like, Will really has a sense evil ability I suppose. Which leads me to WIll’s power. I think this can be considered Will’s power, but I have a problem with the way they implemented it. Will sensed things sure, and could tell the Party if the monster was nearby or something. But... why have Will feel that so late? Wouldn’t this plot point be better implemented by Will feeling the Mind Flayer much much sooner? Or within people when they aren’t acting psycho with black veins? Why have Will say “Oh yeah, something bad is here.” When it’s obvious something bad is here. You know what I mean? I mean, technically he was feeling it before anyone else noticed anything, but not enough time to properly warn them. You know? Maybe this is a matter of practice makes perfect. He needs to work his new muscle to get a faster heads up. But yeah, my prediction in that way was right. His powers would be related to sensing or feeling. In some episodes, there were these various moments where I was sure Will was going to step forward and say something. Or offer El advice or comfort (like when she was diving deep and Flayed Billy was being mean, because he’s seen and felt some shit too), but it never happened. It always fell onto Mike to resolve. And I mean, that’s ok I guess. And typical of him to do so. I was also expecting more people to notice when Will was touching his neck and stuff, but Mike only noticed that one time in the movie and no one else paid attention. Also, it was weird that it took Will so long to notice Nancy and Jonathan’s struggle in the hospital. Side note, Will the Wise had me ROLLING. Will should join the drama club after all. He’s amazing. He should become an actor. On the topic of his sexuality, I have changed my mind on it. While before I was certain he was gay, now I think he’s either gay or aroace. Or both. To be honest, I’m not well versed on the subject, but whether he’s ace or not, I think he’s still gay. As for where his character is going? I hope his BRAND NEW SISTER EL can get him to chill on the “All girls are icky” routine. Pffff. My boy, you don’t gotta romantic like a girl to be friends ya know. Honestly, I can’t believe Will and El only really had 1 conversation on screen. That is BOOTY. P.S, I’m glad there wasn’t a love triangle. It would have been a mess. Lol

El: And nowwwww, to El! El dealt with a lot this season. I remembering mentioning to a friend that everyone demands Will get a break, but never mention El getting a break. She was basically tortured this season. I’ve discussed her a lot in Mike’s section, but to summarize, I’m glad she found her own form of independence this season. She was taking on a little too much Max (like she was with Kali. And before that, Mike), but by the end, you could clearly see she really coming into her own. A little mix of everything with her own self coming through. Now, onto her powers. So, they’ve changed how they work a little. Apparently, El decides who can and can’t see her in the void. That means, the ONLY people who have broken this rule is her mother and Flayed Billy. That whole thing with Will? That’s because she wanted him to hear her at the very least. And also, apparently anyone can talk to El while she’s in that place because she heard Mike like she heard Joyce in season 1. Also, that power to dive into memories wasn’t Terry’s power. Or rather, that’s yet another power El has that her mother has too. At this point, it kinda feels like they’re just piling any ability onto El that fits what they’re trying to do with the plot. It is an interesting choice that she’s lost them for now, but I wonder why exactly. You can still hear when she’s using her power, but nothing happens. Now El can really be a “normal” girl until they reappear (which they’re bound to do). Also, IT IS SO SO AMAZING THAT JOYCE TOOK HER IN AND NOW iT’S A FAMILY OF 4 AND JOYCE IS LEGIT HER MOM OMG. EL HAS A MOM!!! (Ok, she’s always had a mom. But you know what I mean) She’s now living in a house with more people. And although Joyce is a very clingy paranoid parent, she is not clingy and paranoid like Hopper. If there’s a problem, she properly address it with her kids. I think El will really like this new take on family with Joyce. 

Other:

Was SO happy to see Bob. I’m glad his memory is alive. Would’ve liked to see Will think about him, but I guess Will had another things going on. Still. Would’ve been nice. Very nice. Also glad to see Dr. Owens for a split second. You know, I really liked that Alexei guy. He turned out to be kinda adorable and was really trying to help. It’s so sad what happened to him honestly. Didn’t care for trying to make Billy sympathetic, but I guess if you’re going to kill him off, you should better understand why he’s suck a dick. I guess. And, it’s quite sad all those people disintegrated into poo. I feel like I already said this. 

--------------------------------

Conclusion

Although my feelings have not completely settled, there is one thing that’s clear. I still prefer season 1 and 2. I basically feel like everything I expected to happen this season is actually going to be next season. It’s a weird feeling to have. Makes me feel uncertain. Should I really be looking forward to the promised next season when I felt like this one surely could’ve had more? Know what I mean? 

I want to say I should definitely be getting what I want next season. But... I wish it were this season. 

As for what’s coming next, well, obviously the Russians are dumb and they opened a gate. And they have an American prisoner. But anyway, I wonder what the Mind Flayer/Demogorgon is going to do next. Track down El? Mmm.... and I guess the US government right now must not be a threat whatsoever. Not with Owens in charge. Mm. El faced no backlash being seen by all those government goons. 

Ok that’s it for now. If ya got questions my askbox is open.

[tayl0rrnation]

You know what's funny? I'm forever advocating for mental health awareness and speaking up because it's something I'm so passionate about yet I find it so hard to do myself! I guess some of that really comes with what I talk about in this video, the things that take up so much space and are such dark clouds in my brain, the things I try the hardest to hide with a main one being anxiety.

I genuinely don't know if a lot of people that know me quite understand how it affects me because I'm quite a private person and the ways that it affects me most are pretty private things most of the time!

Most people wouldn't know that my anxiety causes panic attacks that have me debilitated, crying uncontrollably, feeling physically ill and being unable to breathe let alone make sense of my thoughts to speak just so I can explain whats wrong among a whole lot more things

These panic attacks can be so full on but they're only a small percentage even of the battle with anxiety! My anxiety causes me to think daily that I'm not good enough, it's caused me to have severe body image problems, it causes me to think that every message I send a friend is a burden or that I'm a burden in general, it tells me that people don't want me around, it makes me think "wow you're an idiot I can't believe you said that, they're going to hate you", it causes me to think "if I don't close the gate, something really bad is going to happen" or "if I don't touch wood, the house will burn down" among so many other daily thoughts I have that cause a lot of mental stress that I wish I could control or just snap my fingers and be rid of.

I'm learning and am taking steps to better myself and my anxiety! I'm thankful that I have the resources to do that especially through Headspace!

Although this is only a snippet of what I shared with Darius and what I'm learning to become more comfortable and willing to share it's really been something that's been eye opening!

@taylorswift I wanted to share this documentary episode and rant I wrote with you because your music has been there through a lot of the hardest moments of my life! Last year was one of the worst years I've dealt with and the month before Rep Tour Sydney I experienced some of the most anxiety inducing situations and my anxiety was at an all time high every single day! Yet when I saw you live it was the most freeing moment simply because I forgot everything for the time you were on stage and I'll forever be thankful for that!

Listening to The Archer yesterday, the day after the documentary came out felt like a sign and felt like it was meant to happen! The lyrics to me depict some imagery of how my anxiety makes me feel! Thank you for this song and for being there for the past 11 years of my life I'm so thankful and I love you so much 💞💞

[timetrickster]

amuse me for enoch (did i spell it right?) trying to cheer up justin

Location: The Holo Room AKA Enoch’s Room

She was like a child, as she stared at her holographic hand. Glistening neon light blue as it but looking closely it was see-through. Like glass but one can simply phase through such glass. Her right hand becomes a fist, commanding her extended body to form her physical body. Robotic but mismatched and broken, hand-me-downs you cold find in scrap depots on any old planet. 

Although her physical body formed, parts continued to fall off. A chunk of her chest plate revealing circuitry and metal. The mechanics in her torso begin to malfunction and her right arm falls off. Frustrated with her broken body, she tries to mend the situation herself. Attempting to repair a fallen arm, the broken chest plate, and malfunctioning hips. 

The attempt goes sideways, as her right arm disassembles completely. The clatter of robotic parts and cause a ruckus which catches Justin’s ears. His hearing was extremely heightened, hearing even the slightest of sounds. He walked in his face already worried and shocked to understand the situation.

“What happened?” He was quite worried.

“I was... I was attempting to form my physical body, but uh...”

“It broke?” His brows pushed together to indicate more worry.

“Yes...” Enoch felt sadness, she felt shame in front of her Captain.

He knelt upon the disassembled arm and hovered his hand over it. Knowing he gave her the hand-me-downs in the first place. He felt horrible in his heart.

“I’m so sorry, Enoch. I’m sorry I gave you old parts!” He screamed with emotions she did not calculate.

Her heart was too filled with worry for her dear Captain.

“Please, Captain. It’s okay.” She attempts to cheer him up.

It fails and his emotional outburst deflects her attempt. 

“It’s not okay! You’re my friend and I should take better care of you. You’re this vessel and I should be more responsible.” He flapped his hands and arms about.

Eventually grabbing his face and groaning after getting flustered. Enoch attempts to comfort him one more time.

“We can find new parts for me. You don’t have to worry.”

His face lit up with a bright idea, he turns to her smile on his face. With that certain look on his face, she knew that face. That face of excitement, the face of adventure, ready to explore, he stands and holds his hand over his mouth.

“Enoch set a course. We’re going to Stark-11.” He rushed out the door.

She instantly knew where they were going, the information zapped into her brain instantly. Her jaw opened and eyebrows raised. Stark-11 she read in her database mind. The name of many planets in the universe with different designation numbers. The planets are known for their synthetic lifeforms, also known as robots, androids and so on. A place where Enoch can be free to be herself and a place where she can find a physical body that best suited her instead of scrapyard junk.

Location: Stark-11, City: Automata

The Eternity lands and Justin puts on his dark blue coat. Enoch stood next to him, still slowly falling apart. Her left leg gives out as it falls forwards and she slowly starts falling backward. Justin quick on his feet was able to catch her, he carries her toward a Repair Depot, 

“Hi! Um... uh,” He was unable to speak, his nervousness and anxiety was a literal stopping force blocking every word he wanted to speak.

His breath heavy as the Starkon waited simply due to his synthetic nature. Enoch spoke first as she was a being of technology. 

“We are in need of a new body for me. My dear, Captain is worried for my physical being. Even though I technically don’t need this body.” She says clearly.

The Starkon simply nodded and checked his databases.

“We have new bodies in stock and for an AI such as yourself, this shall be most rewarding. Please, follow me.” He walked off toward the right and allowed them to follow him.

They walked into a room full of robotic bodies. They were hollow puzzle pieces meant to be filled with glue. 

“May she try on a body that she likes?”

“Of course, Sir.” He nods.

He looked toward Enoch with a smile and he nods. She nods back and he holographic body zooms into one model before her eyes. He noticed her happiness, as she was able to stand and float.

“This model, the COM37. Is equipped with the latest technology of Stark. Providing your AI, with flexible appendages as her arms and certain limbs can stretch.” 

Enoch does the following as Justin listened to the Starkon Rep.

“Her feet have rocket propellers and is equipped with gadgets ranging from harmful to helpful.” 

“That sounds amazing! How, how much is it?!” He asked eagerly.

“1 Million Credits.”

He was shocked, Justin was a traveler, money was one necessity he rarely used. 

“Uh...” the nervousness returned to block his thoughts and words. 

He looked to Enoch that worried face that she knew all too well.

“Please give me a minute.” He walks off and into a corner on the hallway.

Enoch rushed over knowing something was wrong.

“What’s wrong?”

“I don’t think I could afford this model for you, Enoch.” He was distraught at the fact he couldn’t keep his promise to take care of his robotic friend. “I don’t use the Flora Kingdom’s money because I’d feel bad. Now I don’t... I don’t know what to do!” He screamed and cried.

Enoch knowing what to do hugs him instantly. She knew the sadness when this boy was about to cry. After all, she’s been there since the beginning. 

“Don’t cry, please.” 

“I’m sad that I can’t keep my promise to you... I’m supposed to take care of you. Now I’m just a failure.”

She was shocked by that word, she knew he wasn’t a failure. She knew that this boy wasn’t what he called himself. She smiled at the memories of Justin growing up and choosing her to be his friend.

“Remember the day you found me in the scrapyards on Chronos?”

“Yeah...”

“You choose me. An interface chip from the bowl labeled with my name on it.”

She could picture the memory, a little Time Walker boy holding on to the chip with her name on it. Smiling and happy that he was able to choose his own friend.

“You don’t have to make extreme moves to take care of me. I am happy. I’m happy because with you! My dear, Captain where ever you go, I am damn well glad to be with you.”

He smiled, he lacked any words but he needed those words of encouragement.

“Let’s go home, please. We can figure this out on our own.” She asked him, smile plastered on her glistening holographic face.

They both stand, Enoch returning to her brittle, hand-me-downs and they return to The Eternity.

He smiled at her before they take off and she too him when they do.

- Yes, you spelled it right! @cometworks

[all-at-once-you-are-the-one]

Stream of Consciousness Lover Album Reaction

I wrote out my first thoughts while listening to the album and put them in one big post. I hope you find them as funny as I do lmao

1. I Forget That You Existed

LOL so that’s what the drake Easter egg was about!

Who is this about????

NIIIIiiiiiiiiiIIIiiiiCE

SHE SOUNDS SO GOOD

I JUST FORGOT WHAT THEY WERE LMAOOO

HER LAUGH!! SO CUTE!!

This track is somehow savage and adorable at the same time

So......yeah.......

ShnfhKJHGKSHDKGHSKGHSJG

2. Cruel Summer

This is giving me Katy perry vibes

The devils roll their dice line is from this?? Didn’t expect that

This is maybe the catchiest song I’ve ever heard

Why is this not a single??????

STILL DONT KNOW WHAT SUMMERS A KNIFE MEANS

EXPLAIN TAYLOR

This also kind of gives me Jonas brothers vibes, why???

Again.....what is this about???

OooOOoooOooWhoooooAAAAhh i loveeee this

OOOH no you know what this gives me GETAWAY CAR vibes

Wait...do we think that at the beginning joe wanted to keep their relationship private and Taylor agreed but then changed her mind? WAIT NO.....is this about her having to keep her love for joe secret at first the summer they met because she was with someone else/it was too soon??

3. Lover

Ok SUPER WEIRD transition into lover but OK

As much as I love albums with a clear narrative like rep I also like being all over the place so this is fine

CAN I GO WHERE YOU GOOOOOO

FOR EVER AND EVER ANDIIIII

YOURE MY MY MY MYYYYY LOVER

I wonder what inspired her to use the term lover? Does she not know that normal people don’t speak like that?

WAIT IS THE REASON LOVER COMES AFTER CRUEL SUMMER because of the 3 summers line?? Like look how we started...now were here

Does the album begin with i forgot you existed because its like ok this Kanye situation happened...but now were gonna forget about that and talk about the realer real story of the past couple years of my life rather than seeing it through the lens of that story like on rep

4. The Man

THE ACCURACY

THE ACCURAACCCCYYYYYYYYY

IT HUUURRTTSSS

Honestly though i actually thought this one would be more savage, i thi

DID SHE JUST SAY BITCHES AND MODELSSSS?????

SLJGSHUKGHKDG

Never mind this is as savage as i wanted

I should know better than to judge a Taylor song before the bridge

Again why isn’t this a single.....it better be

5. The Archer

The emotional whiplash this album is giving me is insane.

It’s like RED but with synths

Is the archer placed here because part of her lack of self confidence comes from the things the media says about her (because she’s a woman not a man?) INTERESTING THOUGHT

Don’t have much else to say about this, we already know

.....

Wow the cake i bought for tonight is somehow way too sweet

6. I Think He Knows

Definitely didn’t think i think he knows was about being horny af

But this is so catchy

Why is everything so catchy?? Literally every song should be a single

BOY I UNDERSTAND the confidence!! After the archer!! I love that he makes her feel that way1!!

I THINK HE KNOOOOOOOWWWWSS

This gives me teenage dream vibes and i fucking love that song

7. Miss Americana and the Heartbreak Prince

Ok time for the one with the weird title

I love how she keeps comparing her current feelings to how she felt as a teenager!! How its the same and different....very good.

SHES A BAD BAD GIRL

More dice!

Is she imagining what it would be like if she was in this relationship in high school? Because I DO THAT ALL THE TIIIIME GIRL SAME

THATS MY WHOLE WORLD SOOOO CUUUUTE

YOU PLAY STUPID GAMES YOU WIN STUPID PRIZES

VOTED

MOST

LIKELY

TO

RUN

AWAY

WITH

YOU

I really like this one. I didn’t expect I would.

This should be a single.

8. Paper Rings

THE VOICE EFFECT

She’s singing so fast on these songs!!!! I CANT KEEP UPP

UH HUH

THATS RIGHT

This is so retro and i loooooooooooooooooooooove it

DIRTY DREAMS??????? TAYLOR PLEASE

OMG THE COLOUR WE PAINTED YOUR BROTHERS WALL

THE PICTURE

THE PICTURE

FROM THE REP MAGAZINES

SDIHGUSHGUKHDZRKUGHKUDZHGUHDZGHDKZHGYIDZJLGJLDJGJSDJGDHZGHLGHLSHGHDG

II LIKE SHINY THINGS

THIS SONG IS SO FUN! ALL THESE SONGS ARE SO FUN!!

Ok baby boy that’s kinda weird but you know what..

....

....

Ok its still weird but maybe it will grow on me

This should be a single.

9. Cornelia Street

HERE IT IS!!! THE FIRST TAYLOR PRODUCED SONG

I NEVER WANT CORNELIA STREET AGAIN?? WHAT IS THIS ABOUT?? THEIR WORST FIGHT? ANOTHER RELATIONSIP? QUESTIONS

The storytelling!

Wait......is this about before they ran away together in CIWYW?? Like she thought he didn’t really want her so she was gonna run away alone...but then he was like no i really do lets go

I totally thought that this was the one with the staring out the window like I’m not your favorite town line was from

She ended it with the line she started with (i think)? Ike she used to!

Kinda feel like people hyped this one up too much but i do like it

10. Death by a Thousand Cuts

The piano!!!!

Like a thousand notes a thousand cuts

Look through the windows of this love - like the heart on her eye! I get it I GET IT lmaoooo

If this song was on red it would have the saddest production but on this album its a bop

11. London Boy

IS THAT JOE??? OMG lmao

HER ACCENT LMAOOOOOOOOO

I don’t know if this song is supposed to be as hilarious as i think it is but i really do think its hilarious

What does like a Tennessee Stella McCartney even mean????

I kinda feel like this song is too specific to her life to be relatable so maybe that’s why i feel that way about it?

12. Soon You’ll Get Better

Ok great... so we went from that to the sad one

I have to prepare

I didn’t tell you i was scared....

Cause you have to...

The fact that this is the country song...

I cant

GOD NOW IM CRYING THIS IS SO SAD

That was the only song so far i had to actually stop typing for. God....I’m so sad for her and her family.

13. False God

I can barely take this song in because of what just came before.

But i really like it. And i really like the theme of religion on this album

14. You Need to Calm Down

NOW YNTCD IS PLAYING

??? IM LITERALLY SOO SAD FROM SOON YOULL GET BETTER STILL

I CANT

PROCESS

THIS

This album is literally all over the place, i keep trying to assign a narrative to it and its not working out so I’m just gonna give up

Sometimes albums are just collections of songs and not a coherent, linear story and that is ok! Even if its not what i prefer

It certainly didn’t bother me on her first few albums.

The one thing i take away from this is like...no wonder she’s so determined to be so overly positive, i think for her its that or break down crying in the face of what’s happening in her family

15. Afterglow

I really love this song!!! Hashtag relatable

......

Man..you can really tell even just from my typing that my heart isn’t in this anymore after that song

Like

Fuck

I think I’m just sad for me too, because i know that i will go through that too sooner rather than later and I already have friends dealing with losing a parent.

16. ME!

My only thought on this is god bless brendon Urie for injecting so much additional joy and energy into this song and making Taylor happy, i just get the vibe that she really needed that

ALSO WHAT THERES REALLY NO HEY KIDS SPELLING IS FUN

TAYLOR EXPLAAIAIIIIIIIAIAIIAN

We’ll see if its on my physical cd copies when they arrive...if not then maybe it was always planned to be a line only in the single version

17. It’s Nice to Have a Friend

Ok I don’t really like this song that much but i really like the messages she’s trying to send like...real love feels like hanging out with a childhood bestie, so comfortable

18. Daylight

I WAS LIKE MEH

BUT THE FUCKING BRIDGE

THE BRIDGE

IM EMOTIONALLY DESTROYED

Also something about the chorus reminds me of the chorus of starlight

STEP INTO THE DAYLIGHT AND LET IT GO

YES

I WAS LIKE NO IS THAT NOT A LYRIC??

BUT IT ISTHANK GOD

THE END

YOU ARE WHAT YOU LOVE

THAT WAS LIKE

MY MANTRA FOR A COUPLE YEARS A WHILE BACK

BECAUSE

I LOVED SO MANY PEOPLE BUT THEY DIDNT LOVE ME

AND I WANTED TO BE DEFINITED BY THE FACT THAT I LOVED THEM NOT THAT HTEY DIDNT LOVE ME

IIIIIIIIIIII

I

IN CONCLUSION:

My feelings are everywhere. Some songs disappointed me but some blew me away - soon you’ll get better is basically the new Never Grow Up for me which is saying a lot. Everything is catchy a hell though even the songs I didn’t like as much. Ultimately i would have liked more songs about varying subject matter esp. self love but as it is, it is still somehow so all over the place. It really just shows how many emotions and phases can be contained within one relationship (i mean I’m assuming every song about a relationship is about joe). I really think that the song about her mom maybe should have been placed somewhere else...I don’t know where I would have put it but that shit is HEAVY. I am so honored that she and her family would share that with us though. I have a million question about how Andrea is doing and if my theory on why tour hasn’t been announced is correct...maybe she will explain more in the interviews/secret session audio we’re getting in the next couple days. I think my favorite song is Lover but that may change. I don’t think any song on here tops my current all time favorite Taylor song though which is CIWYW. That’s a little disappointing but not every song or album has to be my fave! And this album will probably grow on me esp as i hear Taylor’s explanations of it. Rep did. I really did nooott feel good about most of rep at first, it took a few days.

[morningsound15]

How do you think Beca would handle her fame in perdition? We know all the gossip magazines like to make up stuff about celebrity couples and that talk show hosts and interviewers like to prod, do you reckon Beca would be open about her relationship with Chloe bc that’s something she’s wanted for so long, and therefore would scream from the rooftops that she’s in love with Chloe Beale and that she’s hers?

i know this wasn’t your intention anon but congratulations you got a drabble i just wrote in like 3 hours:

(P.S. If you love Stevie as much as I do, PLEASE watch this video of her singing “Wild Heart” while getting her makeup done for a Rolling Stone photo session. It will change your life.)

[COVER STORY]: Beca Mitchell on Her Newest Album, Coming Out & Finding Love. “I’m bisexual, and I’m proud of it.”By Sydney Havershaw

**

You probably wouldn’t recognize Beca Mitchell if she walked past you on the street. Her personal style is more ‘early-20’s grunge rock enthusiast’ than ‘Grammy Award-winning musician.’ She’s dressed comfortably for our interview — in a pair of skinny jeans, combat boots, and an oversized flannel shirt. Mitchell seems perpetually youthful, and among the crowd of college students around us, she fits right in. At 5’2”, she is also certainly an unassuming figure on the street. “I’m basically a hobbit,” she jokes early in our interview, when situation demands we perch on a set of barstools while we wait for our lunch table. Mitchell’s feet dang comically off the floor, and she swings them absent-mindedly while we get to know each other.

The restaurant where we meet is a tiny hole-in-the-wall Italian bistro — the space is so small it can barely fit 6 tables and the mini-bar it confusingly insists on forcing into the already-crowded room — but it’s a favorite of Mitchell’s (who made me adamantly swear to reveal neither the name nor location of her personal haunt). The little building is charming and rustic and somehow both out-of-place and perfectly nestled within its surroundings. The atmosphere is exquisite. I find myself nearly anxious to grab my pen and begin scribbling down notes.

There’s something easy about being around Mitchell. She has this awkward energy that makes her seem jumpy but also strangely endearing. She’s quick to crack jokes and put herself down for the benefit of the group dynamic. Though her proclivity to make fun of herself is startling at first, her wit and sincerity ultimately triumph, becoming the adjectives which immediately come to mind whenever her name is mentioned in my presence thereafter. Before we even order our food she’s had me in stitches twice, both times with stories about some of her more raucous adventures with her all-female college acapella group, The Barden Bellas (more on them later). She’s an excellent storyteller, if not excellently verbose, and I cannot wait to see what she might have in store for our interview.

It’s a bright afternoon in early March, with clear skies and only the barest hint of a chill in the air. It’s beautiful, and the subtle feeling of spring is beginning to emerge in outfit choices, store inventory, and menu changes. But while most people tend to feel energized and rejuvenated with the promise of new beginnings, Mitchell is still practically reeling from the relative whirlwind of the previous month. She won a Grammy, came out, and started a new relationship — and that was all just in one day!

“I feel like everything changed overnight. I went from being, like, a club DJ to now, I’m at the point where people literally stop me on the street for pictures.” She laughs and shakes her head, like she can’t quite believe it. “It’s been completely nuts.”

For those who may be unaware: after a very public Grammys acceptance speech earlier this year, Mitchell was caught locking-lips with her date, Chloe. [Note: While their relationship is not a secret, and the identity of Mitchell’s partner can be easily found, Mitchell requested we leave Chloe’s last name out of this article for the sake of her privacy.]

Almost immediately, Mitchell’s name-recognition sky-rocketed. The image of the kiss circulated countless gossip websites, made headlines in newspapers around the country, and became a trending topic on Twitter. Videos of the night played on nearly every morning talk show. Mitchell’s social media following almost tripled overnight. Suddenly, and without warning, Mitchell has found herself at the center of a media blitz caused by her very public — and incredibly adorable (link) — public coming out. Seriously, if you haven’t seen the video of her acceptance speech yet (have you been living under a rock?) go watch it right now. You’ll cry, you’ll laugh, you’ll squeal, you’ll fall in love.

**

[image]

Pictured: Beca Mitchell [left] and partner kissing on the red carpet.

**

Since we both know where this interview is eventually headed (it would be impossible not to talk about it at some point), I figure I should ask: does she want to talk about her relationship first?

She shrugs, her leg bouncing under the table. “I don’t know. No? The… I always think of myself as an artist, first. And my personal life is my personal life. But, you guys are, like… the gay magazine. I can’t imagine it won’t come up.”

Her confidence from earlier has all-but vanished. Perhaps because her music carries with it the easy, confident maturity of an artist with twice her experience, it’s easy to forget she’s still new at this. In order to put her at ease, I start off with a few softball questions, things to get her excited and make her more comfortable with where our interview is going.

Her favorite musician growing up? She smiles, looking much less anxious. “I think this probably is gonna hurt my rep, but I gotta go with Stevie.”

“Nicks?” I ask. This is surprising to me, though perhaps it shouldn’t be. While Mitchell’s music is pretty reliably ‘Pop’, it also shows evidence of clear influence from eclectic styles of music, including jazz and alternative.

“Absolutely. She was my childhood crush. And like, she’s totally everything that I want to be, as a musician. First time I listened to the album Rumours I thought, ‘God, that’s just about the most tragic thing I’ve ever heard.’ It’s the story of a relationship falling apart, the dissolution of a marriage, about cheating and heartbreak and mistrust. But it’s also about optimism, and joy. And… well, to me, it’s also about love. And I used to sit there and listen to that album and think, ‘That’s what I want. If I can produce a piece of music even half as emotional, half as complete, I’ll be happy.’ My entire life, all I’ve ever wanted is just one great love story to tell.”

She’s passionate when talking about her music. She seems energized and excited, like she’s thrilled that anyone at all is interested in her music in any capacity. Because it seems like her preferred topic of discussion, I keep asking her questions about her most recent work. Her favorite song on the album? “Oh, that one’s easy,” she says. “Gotta be ‘Saudade’.”

Saudade is a Portuguese word that roughly translates to a feeling of longing, melancholy, or nostalgia. It is a word closely associated with Brazilian music and Brazilian culture. Its most famous usage in pop culture comes from the famous Antônio Carlos Jobim Bossa Nova song “Chega de Saudade” (the published English version is titled “No More Blues”). Mitchell uses the chord changes of Jobim’s chart as the basis for her own melody. This is a common musical practice amongst jazz composers (similar to what ’sampling’ is to Hip Hop and R&B artists), but much less prevalent in Mitchell’s more Pop-dominated genre.

“Saudade” is an early stand-out on Mitchell’s album. It’s a melancholy affair, with a Latin/Bossa drum feel that immediately conjures images of warm summer nights. And to round out the nostalgia of the instrumentals, the song’s lyrics are almost as haunting as the vocal work. Cynthia-Rose Adams, one of the album’s main featured artists, manages to evoke a quiet, unendurable kind of heartbreak while still keeping her performance subtle and subdued. The piece is more than a little impressive. It truly is a masterclass in sad, mournful, longing ballads, and puts more popular efforts by artists like Adele completely to shame. If it isn’t on every teenage girl’s “breakup playlist” by the end of the year, I would be shocked.

But when asked about her preference for that song, Mitchell’s response is less-confident than the quickness of her earlier answer would imply. “I work with a lot of really incredible musicians. My friend, Cynthia-Rose [Adams], who actually provides vocals for that track, she’s a trained jazz vocalist. She’s listed as a co-writer for that song because it’s really all because of her that it has any kind of melody. I showed her a bunch of lyrics really early on, back when I was still work-shopping, and she was in the room with me when I was writing the first draft. But, God, it was terrible.” She laughs again (always willing to joke at her own expense). “No, for real, it was… horrible. So cliché and dumb. But Cynthia just kind of on a whim suggested we try to craft a love ballad using the chord changes of Chega, and I listened to it one time and then it’s like I couldn’t stop writing. It all just poured out of me. The music tied to the lyrics and back again. It’s like the song always existed, and I just was the first person to hear it and write it down.” She pauses, as if she’s only just realizing how long she’s been speaking. “But really,” she says quickly, “without the performance Cynthia puts out on that track, it just… I couldn’t have done it with any other singer. I’m so grateful for her.”

This is a common feature of our interview. Mitchell is almost reluctant to take sole credit for her own music. At every turn she’s thanking her vocalists, her sound engineers, and her co-producers. It belies the incredible amount of time and energy and dedication she put into crafting this album. Anyone who works with Mitchell will also be sure to note both her work ethic and her unyielding attention to detail. Talking to her, you might think a great many things about her character, but ‘immodest’ would certainly not be one of them.

When I ask how she met her collaborators — specifically Adams and Emily Junk, the album’s other featured vocalist — Mitchell grins wider than she has all afternoon. The ease immediately returns to her body. She relaxes in her chair, lounging back with her legs crossed over the knee. She seems like any other 20-something again. You never would guess that, a few short weeks ago, she was a trending topic on Twitter.

“I met Cynthia and Emily in college. They were in the same acapella group I was in.” She’s talking about the Barden Bellas, the nationally-ranked all-female acapella group out of Barden University, a small liberal arts college just outside Atlanta, Georgia. Mitchell was the captain of the group for 3 years, and led the Bellas to two national championships and one world title. “We were really just a bunch of misfits,” she says when I prod her for more information. “And, y’know, being a group of only women, it’s actually pretty hard to make a name for yourself in the acapella world. The best groups are either mixed or all-male. And we’re a very diverse group, and most of us don’t necessarily fit with conventional beauty standards. So I’m just really proud we were able to break through, make an impact, and show people what a group of badass, powerful ladies can do.”

Does she keep in contact with her old group? “Oh, of course, we talk on the daily. I mean, the Bellas gave me everything. They’re my family. I truly don’t know where I’d be without them.”

But now, it’s time to address the elephant in the room. I almost want to apologize to her, though I know it’s completely unnecessary. She has made it apparent that she is comfortable answering personal questions, and has previously specified to me that she is open and completely willing to talk about her own coming out experience. But even though I know she’s agreed to this line of questioning, that’s still just the kind of person she is: she makes you want to look out for her, to keep her safe. She’s so shockingly sincere, so non-malicious, that to do anything to harm her in any way seems tantamount to blasphemy.

Almost like she can sense a shift in the air between us, Mitchell sets her shoulders. I ask her if she’s nervous about coming out. “Not at all,” she answers quickly. “I’ve been ‘out’ for pretty much my whole life. Sexuality has never been a problem for me. I’ve never talked about it before because, honestly — and I know this sounds cheesy and cliché, but I really do mean it — it’s just never come up. It’s been such a non-issue for so long. And I guess I figured it would become common knowledge sooner or later. I just never anticipated, the, um…”

“Going viral?”

She flushes. “Yeah. Never saw that one coming.”

Becoming an overnight sensation by going public with a relationship is an experience that is difficult to replicate or understand, if you haven’t been through it. I ask Beca how she feels about the sudden influx and attention she’s been receiving.

“I don’t mind the attention,” she says honestly. “It can get pretty scary sometimes, but it’s not like I have paparazzi lurking around my apartment or anything, so I feel like I got off pretty easy. I mean I don’t like the attention, but, y’know… sales have gone up, at least,” she jokes, somewhat half-heartedly.

And about her new internet celebrity status (there are dozens and dozens of Tumblr pages devoted to her alone) as an out, queer female musician?

“I mean, I hope we’re moving into a time when, like, it doesn’t matter who anybody dates?” she says, somewhat uncertainly. “I’m like, yeah, technically a celebrity, but it still shouldn’t really matter who I’m with. Man or woman. Like, shouldn’t we be past this, now? If I had kissed a guy that night, I wouldn’t have made the front page. There’s just something different about a queer artist, a woman kissing another woman publicly, I guess. And I mean I do get why. When I was a young, baby bi, I didn’t really have any musicians I could look to, to see myself represented. I know how important it is to see people be out and open about who they are and who they love. I don’t mean to imply that I’m taking that for granted. I am so thankful to every person who’s told me that they’ve connected with my story. And to the people who say I’ve helped them in any way, like… truly, that is such an honor.” She pauses, chewing on her lower lip nervously. “But at the same time, I don’t know if I like that we still live in a world where it’s, like, headline news if a low-level celebrity like me just happens to be dating someone of the same gender.” She laughs lightly. “Guess that’s not something I should say to a magazine that focuses on LGBTQ issues, huh?”

I shrug it off. Mitchell’s point is, after all, a valid one. In this modern political climate, there does seem to be something strangely antiquated (if the early-2000s can be considered ‘antiquated’, that is) about a celebrity needing to give a ‘coming out’ interview. But, despite the merits of her argument, I still have a job to do.

I ask her about her burgeoning role as an icon for other young queer women hoping to enter the industry. “I don’t know if I’m the best role model,” she says with her signature self-deprecating manner. “But I am queer. My music is based off of my life, and I am in a same-sex relationship at the moment. My last album was about a woman. And none of that’s a secret. I’m just going to continue to make the music that I want to make, and my sexuality and my current relationship are definitely a big part of my art. I’m not going to apologize for that. I’m just gonna live my life the best I can, and if people want to see me as a role model for that… yeah, I’d be proud of that.”

I wonder how Chloe feels about her sudden thrust into the limelight. Her life as an inauspicious, unknown civilian must be all-but over (at least, for the time being).

Beca is careful with her response. It takes her many long moments to weigh her words. “We both really value our privacy. And with regards to our relationship, well… I don’t want to speak for her. But I do know that she’d prefer it if she didn’t have any of the fame or the attention. Because of that, we’re really doing our best to keep a low media profile, for our families and also for our personal lives.”

**

[image]

Pictured: Beca Mitchell, wearing an Angela Chen Jacket, Skoot Apparel Sneakers, Gap Socks, Stylist’s own tank top, and her own jeans.

**

“But I… we really do want to keep out of the media, as much as possible. But I don’t want people to… A lot of people have contacted me recently, like… way more people than I expected. I get Instagram and Twitter messages every day from young fans; people approach me in the street and tell me that they’ve been impacted by my story; I get letters from people saying that it’s meant a lot to them to see a prominent queer female artist, and… I do feel such a responsibility, now. I understand how much it blows to feel alone and… misunderstood. So, while Chloe and I are trying to keep our private lives private, I don’t want people to think that I’m ashamed of who I am or who I choose to date. That’s not the reason we’ve been keeping a low profile. I’m not ashamed of who I am. So I want to be open about my life. I want people to know that I’m bisexual, and I’m proud of it. And I’m proud of my significant other. But I also want people to respect me, and what I choose to share. I’m sort of a public figure, now, and I signed on for it willingly; like I knew this was coming for me. But Chloe doesn’t really want that life, so… if people could respect my privacy, that would be amazing. I’m not going to stop being who I am and loving who I love proudly and vocally, but I want people to understand that the parts of my life I share are the parts of my life I’m willing to share. Because sometimes — and I think we forget this a lot because of how everyone’s always gotta be documenting their lives on social media and everything — sometimes I think there are some things that should just be for you.”

She shakes her head ruefully. “My publicist is gonna kick my ass. That answer was so preachy and long-winded.” She startles. “Oh shit, can I say ‘ass’?” When I nod in the affirmative, she seems more than a little relieved.

I tell her I understand her desire for privacy. I want to respect her wishes as much as possible, but I’m still dying to know something.

Does she think she’s found her one great love story?

“Chloe’s my best friend,” Mitchell says calmly, with a serene sort of smile on her face. “And she makes me happier than anyone in the world. So if you’re wondering whether I’m ‘finding love’?” She smiles coyly, and looks off to the side. The street outside our café is bustling with activity. A young couple walks by with limbs intertwined, their free hands each balancing an ice cream cone. On a nearby bench, an old man reads the newspaper to his bent-over wife. It think maybe it’s just me, noticing all the sweet signs of romance filtering through the air. (Spring, like I said, makes me think of new starts and new beginnings.)

But Mitchell finally turns back to me. Her smile never wavers. “I would say that it definitely looks promising.”

[kittymochi-art]

Ch 3 is up!

Oh god, what has he done? Momo is standing in front of Shouto, crying. She’s trying to cover her face with her hands but is failing miserably. Shouto just stands there frozen. He has no idea what to do in a situation like this. What should he do? Shouto begins to move his hands in front of him in an attempt to do literally anything, but he can’t figure out what. So instead, he stands there awkwardly with his hands outstretched in front of him. Momo is sniffling and wipes her face. When she uncovers her face, she’s… smiling?

“I’m sorry, Todoroki-san,” Momo says with puffy eyes and flushed cheeks. Shouto quickly puts his hands back down at his sides. Was he attempting to hug me? Momo wonders.

“Ah, but I’m the one who’s sorry…” Shouto says as he pushes his hand through his mismatched hair. He can’t make eye contact with her after that. He feels horrible. But before Shouto can comprehend what's happening, Momo closes the distance between them and embraces him in a hug. It causes Shouto to flinch at the sudden body contact.

“I was worried that I had upset you or something… So when you said we’re friends, it made me really happy,” Momo says quietly.

Shouto stands there in stunned silence. He doesn’t know what to do with his hands at first, so they just float at Momo’s sides before he gingerly wraps them around Momo’s back to reciprocate the hug. He can feel his whole body get very hot which makes him very nervous. What if his entire body bursts into flames along with Momo? Before Shouto realizes, Momo ends the hug and steps away from him. Her face must be the same color at Shouto’s at the moment because she avoids making eye contact with him.

“S-sorry, Todoroki-san! It looked like you were trying to hug me, so I- Ah, um-,” Momo sputters. “I apologize if that was uncalled for!

“No, it’s fine, really,” Shouto reassures her while also avoiding eye contact.

The two of them both agree that it’s getting late and should go back to their rooms. Shouto lays down in his futon and covers his face with his right hand. Maybe his right side will make his face go back to its normal temperature. Why can’t I control my left side? Shouto wonders furiously. Unbeknownst to Shouto, the common factor of his “quirk malfunction” is Momo, obviously.

The next day in class, Shouto is getting ready to leave. Momo has class rep duties so she already left the classroom. It feels weird not having her in the seat next to him, but he pushes that thought aside. The bell finally rings and he takes his time leaving the class since he sits in the very back. When almost everyone disperses, he notices Yousetsu peek his head through the door. When he spots Shouto, he greets him with a smile and heads over to his desk.

“Hey Todoroki!” Yousetsu says with his hand raised. He’s obviously just looking for Momo so Shouto cuts to the chase.

“Yaoyorozu isn’t here,” he says more dryly than he intended.

“Ah, is that so,” Youstsu replies with a hint of disappointment.

Shouto gets up from his seat. “Well if that’s all, I’ll be heading out.”

Yousetsu places a hand on Shouto’s shoulder to stop him, and Shouto glares at the 1-B student. Yousetsu realizes his mistake and removes his hand quickly.

“Ah, sorry. I just wanted you to pass this onto Yaomomo when you see her,” Yousetsu says as he hands Shouto an envelope. Shouto hesitantly takes it and nods his understanding.

“Thanks man, I’m counting on you,” Yousetsu says with a grin.

“Are you sure you can trust me?” Shouto asks, confused. Why would Yousetsu trust him to deliver this envelope? Just holding it is making Shouto want to burn it for some reason. Weird.

“When Yaomomo was helping me study, she kept talking about what a great person you are. If she can put her trust into you, then I can too,” Yousetsu admits. Shouto is taken aback by the sudden honesty. And also the fact that Momo was talking about him? This makes him curious.

“I see,” Shouto simply says, “I never got a chance to thank you by the way. For saving Yaoyorozu. So thanks for that.”

“I’m sure if you were the one who were there she wouldn’t have been hospitalized…” Yousetsu says mostly to himself than to Shouto.

“You were willing to die protecting her,” Shouto states matter-of-factly. “Thats the mark of a true hero.”

After that, Shouto makes his exit.

Man, I see why Yaomomo respects him so much…  

Momo finally finishes her class rep duties and makes it back to the common room. She lets out a sigh and sits herself down on the couch. She enjoys the soft plushness of the couch for a while when someone approaches her from behind. He peers his half-and-half head of hair over the couch which startles Momo.

“T-Todoroki-san?”

“There you are. Here,” Shouto says without any explanation. He hands her what appears to be an envelope?! He gives it to her with such a straight face, but Momo can’t help but wonder what’s inside. This can’t be… No, no, no, it can’t possibly be a love letter, right? Why would he give it to her with such a straight face? Momo’s face flushes even though the possibility is very unlikely that it’s a love letter coming from the strongest in her class.

“It’s from Awase,” Shouto finally says.

“Awase-san?! Why do you have it then?” Momo asks incredulously.

“He asked me to give it to you after class today.”

“Oh.”

Momo tenderly takes the envelope from Shouto’s hand and scans it over with her eyes for a moment. She looks up at Shouto then back down at the envelope. She can’t possibly read this in front of him, right? Momo flips it over in her hands and gently rips it open from the top. Shouto rests his arms on the back of the couch casually watching Momo’s every movement. He can’t deny that he’s genuinely curious what’s inside. Momo finds an ordinary hallmark card inside. The front just has a simple floral print on it. She takes a deep breath and opens the letter.

Dear Yaomomo,

You really are an amazing person. Even when you had that head injury, you knew the best course of action to take. I know I told you this a million times, but I’m sorry you got hospitalized because of my incompetence. I got to know you better these last few weeks, and I consider you a good friend. You’re the smartest person I know. Remember when you said you strive to be like Todoroki? Well I strive to be like you. Thanks for tutoring me the other day. This is me showing my appreciation to you.

PS: I included a gift card so spend it on whatever you like. You should try using it on the person you also want to show your appreciation to.  

Momo finds herself smiling and wiping away a single tear after reading the letter. Shouto is still leaning on the couch behind Momo waiting for her to say something. He didn’t read over her shoulder despite the strong urge to. He has a bad feeling in his gut. It’s a strange, familiar feeling he’s felt before when he saw Momo spending lots of time with Yousetsu. He hates this feeling.

“How sweet. Awase-san thanked me for tutoring him,” Momo says with a smile. A rush of relief falls over Shouto.

“Is that so?” he simply asks.

Momo looks up at Shouto and nods. She still has that bright smile on her face that Shouto admires so much. Just looking at her makes Shouto’s heartbeat quicken. He really needs to get to the bottom of these strange feelings he gets when he’s around Momo. Her eyes go back to the letter in her lap, and she continues smiling. Shouto wishes she only looked at him that way… Dammit, what am I thinking right now…

If only he could keep her smile to himself.