#the stargate tapes

[fighting-naturalist]

"Do you know you're described in history as the most beautiful woman that ever has or ever will be able to control men with just your beauty?"

[greenwith-ivy]

going through our dvds and stuff just for fun and i find this:

Dr. Who tape 2??? what an incredibly specific description! now i’m curious. i ask my parents and neither of them remember what it could be (nor can any of us figure out what got taped over lol). so i take matters into my own hands.

our old tv!! it needs plugged in though.

i move it over onto the sewing machine so the extension cord can reach it.

i press CH ⬆️. then it does this which i can’t do anything about because i don’t remember this tv ever having an antenna

i mess around with it for a bit and then just put the tape in. it needs rewinding so i do that too

it’s done! time for the moment of truth…. i hit play.

mystery solved!!! Dr. Who tape 2 is season 1 episode 7: The Long Game.

[heyitsno0ne]

Maybe enough spam for tonight, maybe not, who knows??

I saw that the Stargate fandom is alive and well on tumblr so here, have a sticker of a lil scientist pigeon man (it’s on one of my sketchbooks so please excuse the weird background and bad lighting this pic is from like four years ago)

[spockvarietyhour]

Ruh-roh.

[sga-owns-my-soul]

okay i'm curious

[charitycase33]

@cloud-based-and-rainpilled

[kikathedemon]

Todd bullshitting his way to the alliance.

[runawaymarbles]

Sheppard's Law, by @cesperanza

Version 3 of the fic I bound for the Renegade Bindery gift exchange! (you can see speranza and @gempothospress's versions here)

I had a lot of fun typesetting this--I took the epitaph motif from the section titles and ran with it. I have never seen any form of Stargate, so thanks to cesperanza and @annerbhp for consulting. Other things I hadn't done before making these three books: cover cutouts, or foil.

"I don't know much about Stargate," said I, "so I'll just put a Stargate on the cover. Should be pretty straightforward." I then proceeded to learn that foil quills were not my friend, that the cricut foil head was finicky as hell (it works beautifully on bookcloth-- but not on leather or buckram,) and in the case of this particular edition, remember too late that unlike leather and buckram, you cannot wipe glue off bookcloth with water. I think I might start taping wax paper over my covers when I'm casing in so that I stop having this problem.

That being said, both the foil and the cutouts were kind of addicting. So I might end up sneaking them into more books where they may or may not belong.

[razzdrgn]

i love stargate so much but it is absolutely a show whos lore is a roland emmerich movie script, a children's guide to egyptian history, and whatever the writers thought was interesting on any given week duct taped together and expected to bear the load for the entire franchise

its very stupid but this is why i love it so much. because it takes the thought experiment of "what if the ancient aliens guy was actually right" and just goes fuckin hog wild with it

please watch stargate its so good. watch the movie and then watch sg1 its so so so good

[swaps55]

I lost my friend to cancer yesterday.

I’d really like to tell you about her.

We meet people throughout our lives who change it, in big ways and small ways, and ways we will never forget. Sara/ @dearophelia was one of those people for me.

I met her here, on tumblr, about 10 years ago. I wish I could remember what piece of writing I stumbled onto first, but she was such a gifted writer that I immediately wanted to see more. I somehow wound up following her live blog of a road trip, which was full of uproariously snarky jokes about Ohio. I had the courage to reach out and tell her how funny I thought she was, and how great her username was to this fellow Mass Effect fan who lived right down the road in Kentucky and got all the Ohio jokes.

We talked. We chatted. I introduced her to a group of people I played Mass Effect 3’s multiplayer with. She grew from a level one first-timer to a total badass who could carry a team and taught other people how to do the same thing.

And then my life fell apart.

Everything fell apart for me. Turning to my family wound up being a catastrophe, and I didn’t have local “real world” friends I could turn to.

So I texted Sara. Told her I needed somewhere to go, and asked if I could stay with her that weekend.

She texted back, “Yes.” Sent me her address, and said to ping me when I got there. She didn’t hesitate. She didn’t ask why. She just gave me shelter. So I showed up on her doorstep, and she listened while I told her everything. She didn’t judge me. She didn’t think I was insane. She had every right to think both things. Instead, she gave me safe harbor at a time when I had no control over my life and didn’t know what was going to happen to me.

For the next several months, I made frequent trips up I-75 to Ohio. She kept an air mattress out for me. We played multiplayer. We talked about Mass Effect. We talked about life. We bitched about all the people who hated on one of our favorite characters. She introduced me to Babylon 5. I have so many memories of sitting on the couch in her apartment, with her cat Odo crawling around behind my head. When I eventually pieced myself together enough to leave Kentucky and start the work of starting over, it meant leaving behind that sanctuary with her in her apartment, and it was something I had to grieve along with everything else.

And now I am grieving it again, and so much more. I am so lucky I was able to fly back to Ohio a few weeks ago while I had the chance. Hugging someone goodbye, knowing it’s the last hug you’re going to get….well, it sucks.

But I got that hug.

Sara was so many things. She was a gifted storyteller with entire worlds in her head. One of the weekends I stayed with her, she had recreated the Mass Effect galaxy map on her wall with notecards and string to help her tell a story. She could create a character and make you fall in love with them in a matter of sentences. Because of her stories, I binge watched all ten seasons of Stargate SG-1.

She was also not afraid to unapologetically be herself. I had a lot of things to learn and unlearn about the world, feminism, gender, and sexuality, especially in those days. Listening to her fight for her space in the world and refuse to be told she was anything less than who she wanted to be helped me learn some of the things I needed to learn, and embrace the things I discovered about myself.   

She loved music. She made the best fucking playlists. She taped inspirational notes around her condo. She sent me a set of coasters that say, “Fuck It,” and “Nah,” and I use them every single day. Her smile was gorgeous. She lit up a room.  

And now she’s gone. I won’t see her in my tumblr notes anymore. I won’t see her on my dash. I won’t get pinged with new Odo photos. She won’t get to hear the new music I listen to that shows up in our Spotify blend. I won’t get to talk about the next Mass Effect game with her. I won’t get any more Ao3 updates in my inbox.

I wanted you to know about her – this pocket friend of mine who impacted my life in ways that I won’t ever forget.

I hope you will read her stories. Listen to her playlists. She was a brilliant human being. She should still be here. She isn’t.

And I miss her.  

[logicgunn]

please hang up and try again

On AO3

Ops falls silent when the stargate fails to connect to New Athos. Everyone freezes like a VHS tape on pause, their collective gaze fixed on the air where the event horizon should be. 

Rodney’s halfway up the stairs before John and Elizabeth start throwing orders around. The tech is new—civilian, not military—her eyes wide and wet as Kavanagh hisses a snide comment, but Rodney’s already spotted the error on her notepad.   

An upside down symbol, written not by her hand, but his. Rodney taps the tech’s shoulder and spins a finger at the offending symbol. She smiles back. 

[heyitsno0ne]

LOOK LOOK LOOK!!!!!

Look what I found today!! I don’t care that it’s a VHS tape and I’ll most likely NEVEr be able to watch it. It’s so cool!! I also love that it’s all in Danish. Seriously though, how insanely cool is this?!?!

[incomingalbatross]

Trick or treat! (Stargate SG-1 edition, especially any fic ideas or headcanons)

Okay so I don't know if this will turn out as a headcanon, a fic idea, an outline, or something in-between BUT what it mostly is is an Excuse. :P So here goes

The first time Teal'c watches Star Wars, the team's been grounded for a week. Don't ask me why - maybe the Gate's shut down, maybe Jack and Sam have leave, maybe Daniel's been exposed to a strange space pathogen and is in isolation while they wait to see if it's deadly. Important thing is, they don't have missions and Teal'c (it's early days still) isn't allowed off-base.

Sam pokes her head in his room with a set of VHS tapes and says, "Hey, I brought some Earth culture you might be interested in!" Explains that Star Wars is a classic and even if he doesn't like them, it'll still be useful to know the references.

Teal'c, very bored and always willing to hang out with one of his comrades, agrees.

He likes Episode IV. There's good vs evil. They're fighting an evil space empire! He gets to see what kind of space combat the Tau'ri have made up for their stories.

He thinks it's kind of...charmingly idealistic? Like, there's an Evil Oppressive Space Empire but there's still enough freedom for Luke to have his ideals and Leia to have a government position (they HAVE a government?) and even Han gets to choose whether he wants to fight the Empire or just slip under its radar. It's a little hard for Teal'c to relate to, but he enjoys it. It seems very much like his friends' views of the world.

Obi-Wan reminds him of Bra'tac. :) Vader reminds him of Apophis. >:/ Teal'c sees something of his team in the main characters.

Episode V! Sam is Very Excited.

Vader is still alive? Teal'c is disappointed by what, honestly, seems like an incursion of reality. Why won't the evil galactic rulers ever ACTUALLY die when they look like they've died.

He's invested in all the action on Hoth, though. These heroes still read as very Tau'ri to him, with their emphasis on loyalty to their friends and their hope and all that. He wants them to succeed.

He does guess the Yoda reveal. A little too similar to the Nox. :P

Then it's back to Darth Vader on his evil spaceship and

Ah

Um

Darth Vader goes down on one knee and asks "What is thy bidding, my master?"

And they've taken plenty of pauses before while watching these movies, so Sam can answer questions about effects or plot conventions or other things lost in cultural translation, but this time when Teal'c says "Pause," he doesn't really have anything to ask. Just, "That...is the Emperor?"

Sam says, "Yeah," and they keep going. But suddenly the fun Tau'ri escapist fantasy is a little harder to watch, as Teal'c processes the fact that the villain of the piece to date isn't actually a System Lord.

Darth Vader is a First Prime.

Everything Vader does now leads to new questions Teal'c isn't sure the story even thinks it's raising. Like, does he want to be doing this? and Does he think he has a choice? and Why is he doing it? and How did he get to this position?

Teal'c watches Vader torture Han and tries not to think about his own past.

And then. AND THEN. You know what comes next.

(Turns out the movie did want him to be asking at least some of those questions about Vader.)

Turns out the evil Emperor's right hand is also a FATHER. He's the HERO'S father. But he also cuts off Luke's hand because the only option he'll apparently countenance is for Luke to join him in the darkness.

But he's a FATHER. He IS a person, not just a faceless villain. But does that make him better or worse?? If he's a person and he chooses to be part of the Empire, then all the questions Teal'c has about him have bad answers.

But also how is LUKE - the idealistic, hopeful shining figure of a Tau'ri hero - going to deal with his idolized father turning up on the Empire's side.

...Suffice to say, Teal'c is glad to see Han rescued and all at the start of Episode VI but he is REALLY REALLY waiting for expansion on the Vader plot.

Luke thinks there's still good in his father. Luke thinks he can SAVE him. Luke sees his father and he BELIEVES in him.

Listen. I believe in Teal'c's right to be a nerd, in general. I also believe that watching Vader say it's too late for him and Luke point-blank refuse to accept that is the MOST INVESTED Teal'c EVER is in experiencing any fictional story, ever.

And

LUKE IS RIGHT

VADER IS SAVED

Vader breaks free!! For his son!! Darth Vader hears his son's cries for help and is able to LISTEN and CHANGE and he is LOVED AND FORGIVEN AND ACCEPTED and he DIES FREE

The Emperor's enslaved right hand is REDEEMED and DIES FREE. That was the story all along

Anyway this is why Teal'c has watched Star Wars nine times. In conclusion.

[weathermanpolls]

Rules:

It has to be a dedicated melee weapon. If it has multiple forms, the melee has to be considered as valid as the other forms. The exception is cutting tools that become really useful in the setting.

It cannot just be one whackjob, but has to be find a way to be useful, or be a main weapon from a faction.

It cannot just be a mundane weapon from today, (other than smallswords), but it can be a technologically improved one.

Descriptions:

40K: Chainsword: A chainsaw made into a one-handed sword. This is justified in-setting by making them 8ft super soldiers in powered armour. The powered armour can protect them from the vast, vast, vast majority of weapons in the setting.

40K: Power Sword: They take a sword, wrap a forcefield around it, and then shrink it down to a monomolecular edge.

Andromeda: Force Lance / Babylon 5: Denn'bok: Collapsable quarterstaves. This seems especially mundane, but the quarterstaff is one of the most versatile hand-to-hand weapons. It's a weapon that, in the hands of a master, can give them the advantage in pretty much any situation. Making it collapsable removes the big drawback. You think, it's basically an asp? Kind of. Asps are our attempt to make them. Their balance is terrible. So, useful, but definitely not master-level useful. The Force Lance also doubles as a firearm, by making the bullets tiny homing missiles called Effectors. This solves the main problem with using a weapon designed for both melee and range.

Farscape: Qualta Blade: This weapons suffer from the same problem of making a combined melee/ranged weapon, the fact that both modes are completely different. It's a sword that turns into a plasma rifle, both of which look incredibly awkward to use.

FFXIII: Gunblade: Final Fantasy has a love of gunblades, but gunblades are incredibly awkward. XIII solves this by having the weapon shift from sword to gun modes. When in gun mode, the blade is folded away to the point it's basically a bayonet. While I love Lance's gunblade from Epic Battle Fantasy, FFXIII made one that seems like it would actually work.

Mass Effect: Omni-Shield: Mass Effect stars a series of super firearms that are designed to fold away into themselves, allowing someone, (you), to carry an arsenal. We could talk about how ME2 fucked up the firearms, but I'd rather focus on how the Humans saw these incredibly advanced gauss rifles, and decided to duct tape a knife to them. They then turned their omni-tools into a device who's primary purpose is to make better knives to attach to their firearms. Then they came out with the master plan, use the Omni-tool to make a shield. This solves one of the big problems with melee weapons, that being bullets. It makes a lot of sense in Mass Effect, as there are a number of aliens that can take a lot of bullets and not get dropped, and they use this advantage to get within melee range. Contrary to Humans-are-Space-Orcs, Humans are on the squishy side of the setting.

Stargate: Ma'Tok (staff weapon): This is an interesting weapon, because it's utility is questioned and justified in the setting. In Stargate, aliens masquerade as gods. They tell their soldiers that if they die on the battlefield, it was because of a lack of faith. They actively prohibit their soldiers from using tactics. The reason Bra'tak was so successful is that he was able to disguise his tactics. He saved his true training for true disbelievers. The Goa'uld are also anti-technological progress, because it would make them more powerful than their fellows. If they find one of the System Lords doing this, they will typically gang up and ruin their day, and then backstab each other, trying to be the only one with the technology. So, in Stargate, the primary tactic used by Jaffa is line infantry. They line up and shoot each other. The staff weapon is incredibly durable, to the point it seems to be resistant to itself. Jaffa armour is NOT resistant to staff weapons. It can also be used for centuries without running out of ammo, or suffering any major malfunctions. It's a variable-yield plasma cannon that is also double-loaded staff for melee combat. In the hands of a master, they are incredibly useful. But, their accuracy is only really useful against massed enemy infantry, or volley-firing into civilians. As mentioned, Jaffa armour does not protect against them, or a better way to say it is that their variable-yield is always set high enough to penetrate their own armour. Their armour is more useful for bullying civilians. Which, truthfully, the Goa'uld spend most of their time doing. It is also shown that Jaffa armour actually interferes with their ability to fight other Jaffa, and so only makes sense because their gods want their toy soldiers to fight in soldier suits.

Star Trek: Bat'Leth: This a sword, but completely different from pretty much any weapon on Terra. The Klingons are incredibly hardy, (with many backup organs, including a backup spinal cord), but also realize the limitations of their weapons. As such, they will typically try to find a way to engage in as close-quarters as possible. Unless the enemy's energy weapons are set to the highest setting, it can take a lot of shots to even slow them down. The Bat'Leth is a sword designed for mastery, and the best supposition behind it's creation is that it's a weapon that FORCES it's wielder to master it. Bath'Leths can attack, block, and parry from any position, while also be used as non-lethal weapons.

Star Wars: Light Sabre: Possibly the progenitor of all energy swords. I say possibly, because Starship Troopers mentions "Laser Knives", but never gives them any description, so it might just be a laser cutter. Heinlein loved giving vague, one-off descriptions like this. In Star Wars, it justifies why the laser sword is useful, and that's because you basically need magical control and precognition to not cut yourself with it. And when you cut yourself with super-heated plasma, you are not getting the arm back. Rey was infamously so bad with it, that the special effects artists had to basically ignore what she was actually doing with it.

Various: Cutting Tools: So, you're in space, and you encounter something that your weapons just can't touch. The only thing you have that might work is a plasma torch, or a buzz-saw designed to cut through concrete. Before anyone says Dead Space, Dark Forces had a fusion cutter as one of your main weapons.

Various: Small Swords: The biggest problem with melee weapons is that you, obviously, need to get close enough to touch them. You need some justification in-setting for this. This would be as simple as stealth, or the fact that bayonet charges still work wonders, but other justifications would still work. Still, you're in a world with firearms, so you need to find that perfect balance between utility, weight, an inobstrusiveness. Enter the knife/smallsword. They can be easily carried on the waist, but still useful in close-combat. Dune justifies it because firearms draw the attention of sandworms. Babylon 5 had them use swords because they were a decaying Franco-Russian empire that still had a duelling culture among it's upper classes. The Wakizashi is popular, because it's designed to be stowed easily and drawn instantly. Japan even has Iaido, a sword style / philosophy dedicated to draw-strikes.

[dietchapstick]

Fuck you I like analog horror I liked it before Mandela catalog came around and ruined the reputation for the genre and I got stuff to say about greylock

I haven't seen many people talking about this so I wanted to out it out there, but I think tape 12 answered a lot of questions. Namely what's inside the mountain...sorta. I'm gonna call it a God since it was clearly worshipped for millenia. I see it as a God that embodies or is part of The Shadow, aka the darkness within human subconscious, the parts of us we hate or repress, the face we don't show to anyone, the second wolf inside you etc etc. It brought out that inner darkness in the miners, turning them into those monsters. I feel confident this is the specific way they were transformed because some of them are still intelligent, and blatantly evil. And I believe this God to be the inspiration for the biblical devil in universe, given tape 2's sermon, you don't put a sermon in something like this and not have God or the devil be involved to at least some extent lol. A godlike being that literally brings out the evil in people, yeah that sounds like the devil alright.

The main thing bringing me to this conclusion is that simyodine is actively trying to bring out this Shadow in people through project Stargate. I honestly wouldn't be surprised if the true nature of Stargate was even hidden from the government, using "well make tulpas and weaponize them for the military" as an excuse to research them. Ignoring all the especially spooky stuff with Jim's daughter getting turned into the dog scene from the thing, tape 12 was blatantly trying to turn someone into their shadow, to open the black door as they put it. Given the occult imagery we see briefly in another tape I figure symiodine is either what the cult has become or is puppeteered by them. Either way they're doing this as a way to either summon, appease, or worship that God of Shadow. They're using the thoughtform machine to try to physically bring people's Shadows to life, either through possession like with the miners, or making thoughtforms that are that darkness. They probably discovered the sapience of the Shadow through Tiffany in her therapy session.

I'm not 100% sure if the mask Creature and the meat skeleton are thoughtforms or transformed people or something else. It definitely seems like the mask Creature is the Ringleader of sorts if not the actual thing worshipped in the mountain. It might make sense though, since we've had mention of weird mutations and things happening in places besides the mountain.

I don't really have an idea about the babies disappearing or the bodies falling from the sky, that shit seems out of pocket but we may get answers eventually. Tiffany's resurrection is also kind of weird but my best guess is she has some special connection to the Shadow and the cult resurrected her by having her shadow possess her body. Her distorted face at the end of that one tape could suggest that she's become a creature like the miners.

Anyway thats my rant about my cringe hyperfixation directed at nobody in particular, you can cull me now