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iwritenarrativesandstuff · 6 months

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On Kurapika's Self-Imposed Isolation

While I recognize that probably everything I'm about to say is going to be super obvious, I just wanted to briefly touch on Kurapika's self-isolation, and the reason behind his not picking up his phone or exchanging anything more than clipped words and business after Yorknew.

I think the obvious answer is that Kurapika doesn't want his friends in harms way, or to be used as a bargaining tool against him. This is an understandable and probably accurate conclusion. After all, Gon and Killua did get taken hostage, and Kurapika was forced to negotiate an exchange. Chrollo picked up on Kurapika's "weakness" right away - that he values his friends' safety before his revenge. Fortunately for Kurapika in this situation, Pakunoda was a whole lot more similar to him than he would've cared to admit, as she placed a value on Chrollo's life even though everyone in the Spider was intended to be replaceable. So, now that he's been through Gon and Killua having potentially gotten killed or seriously hurt, and Chrollo knows that he has a soft spot for them, it does make sense that he would try to push them away for their safety and for the sake of not having an exploitable "weakness" in future. He may also not want to burden them more when they have their own lives to live - he does slip off without telling Gon and Killua for the sake of not distracting them from Nen training, after all.

Except that he already tried all this earlier in Yorknew arc. He tried to tell them they shouldn't get involved, and they all agreed that the risks were massive - but his friends agreed to undergo the risks anyways to help him. Kurapika was even grateful for it - "I have been blessed with good friends."

So, for him to push them away solely for this reason after the fact, knowing that this was very much a likely situation to happen, is a little odd to me. Kurapika knows full well that Leorio would be frustrated, Killua would be offended and Gon would worry. So, I think there's a little more to it than that, and I actually would venture to say that "keeping his friends out of danger" is more a secondary reason for his actions - one that would come across as more of a reasonable excuse to others.

The primary reason is likely a lot more selfish than that. Kurapika has to ensure his mission comes first. And unfortunately, he is fully aware that his path and choice in abilities is deeply self-destructive.

Kurapika needs to make sure that he doesn't have exploitable weaknesses, sure, but he also just as much needs to purposefully worsen his headspace - and he can't do that with those three around.

Think back, what are the happiest moments we see from Kurapika in the series? The one that comes to mind first, and the one I'm sure most of us will think of immediately, is this:

[ID: A screenshot from the 2011 anime adaptation. Kurapika smiles - he looks at ease. End ID.]

It's one of the sweetest scenes of the series imo, right before the whole group is reunited for the first time since the Zoldyck Family arc, and it's even more notable because it comes immediately on the tail end of this...

[ID: Three panels from HxH Chapter 101. Kurapika removes his contacts over the sink. His expression is distant. End ID.]

...and this...

[ID: A panel from HxH Chapter 101. A close up of Kurapika's vacant and furious expression, his eyes wide and dangerous as he says "It might as well be you." Though the art is in black and white, it's apparent his eyes have gone scarlet. End ID.]

...and this.

[ID: A panel from HxH Chapter 101. A distant Kurapika speaks on the phone on a rooftop at night, the cityscape of Yorknew around him dark, but speckled with lights and stars. He says "The Spiders are dead." His face is not visible to the reader. End ID.]

This is, up to this point in the series, Kurapika at his lowest. In contrast to Gon, who is happy to hear that the Spiders are dead already because now Kurapika can focus solely on finding his peoples' eyes, Kurapika... is clearly not happy - and that's because killing the Spiders himself isn't just revenge. It's penance. It's survivor's guilt. Kurapika's powers, which Izunavi even comments sound much like he is chaining himself in the process of chaining his enemies, are oh-so-beautifully prophecied to destroy him - and Kurapika was aware of this from the moment he set off down this path of revenge.

(As a side note, this is why I'm really hoping we see Gon and Kurapika interact again after the Chimera Ant arc - while Gon has always been pretty attentive to Kurapika's emotional state, in Yorknew, he lacks a true understanding of why Kurapika would go so far... but as of now, he understands rage fueled by guilt and grief all too well. I know we're all rooting for Leorio to reach Kurapika, but barring that, I really think Gon could get through to him - after all, they are similar in several ways, and I find it fairly apparent that Gon reminds Kurapika of Pairo.)

But back to the main point here - I do suspect Kurapika expects (if not wants) his revenge mission to destroy him. I think a lot of times, we forget just how young Kurapika is, and how much his character is dictated by honour, and the abandonment of it.

Certainly, he can and will go against his principles for the sake of his mission... yet, almost paradoxically, he's bound to his promise to his fallen clan; a promise to avenge them made in anger.

But Kurapika... doesn't come across as a naturally angry person to me at all.

He seems like the stoic, vengeful type on his initial introduction... and then we get his panic at Gon's recklessness

[ID: A panel from HxH Chapter 2. Kurapika and Leorio wear matching expressions of panic in front of Gon, calling him out for his recklessness. End ID.]

...and his near-immediate forgiveness of Leorio after getting the first inkling of his character - of someone who cares just as fiercely as he does.

And after that point? Almost all through the Hunter Exam? Kurapika smiles so readily at them. He's sharp and funny. He mediates at times, but is stubbornly prideful in others. He's very amused by his friends' antics, and it really does seem like he starts to enjoy himself, with them. And, more than that, he counters Leorio's initial impression of him as an independent loner - on several occasions. He decides to follow Gon because Gon intrigues him. Asides from Gon, it is Kurapika who is the most unwilling to fight each other at the bottom of Trick Tower. Kurapika who makes the first move to team up with Leorio, even though that arrangement benefits Leorio much more than it does him. Kurapika who refuses to abandon Leorio to his fate in the cave, and who checks on Gon after noticing his bad mood. Who was furious enough watching him get beat down by Hanzo that his eyes went scarlet for the first and only instance outside of Spider mentions and Emperor Time. Who quite readily detoured to help rescue Killua.

[ID: Three screenshots from the 2011 adaptation Hunter Exam arc. In the first, Kurapika smiles at a sleeping Leorio. In the second, Kurapika stifles laughter as he pretends he's asleep. In the third, Kurapika has an open-mouthed smile as he acquires the airship tickets for them, Leorio and Gon standing behind him. End ID.]

Look at him! He's so bright! So happy!

...too happy. Too happy to do what he promised himself he would do. And that's his biggest fear, isn't it. Without his rage... what is he left with?

[ID: A panel from HxH chapter 2. A close up of Kurapika's eye as he says "I do not fear death. What I fear is that my rage will one day fade away." End ID.]

Kurapika is far, far less mired in anger when he's with his friends. I actually dare to say that at certain points, he was able to go for lengths of time without thinking much about it - alternating between almost forgetting in one instance and being hit like a sledgehammer on exposure to a reminder in the next. This violent swing is... actually the beginnings of the natural process of healing from loss and trauma. But to Kurapika, who's made a promise to his people's memories, this is not a relief. This is betrayal.

I think that actually scares him, that he can almost picture it. A life beyond his guilt. That he, too, could learn to be happy, even after unimaginable loss.

And so, as Kurapika continues his mission offscreen, finding more and more gruesome reminders of the cruelty inflicted on his people and losing more and more pieces of himself in the process (in his own words, no less), he prioritizes his responsibility to them, and pushes away his distractions. He cannot be a soul at peace until his work is done; he must be in turmoil. He pushes people away who he cares for, and binds himself, and keeps his people's eyes on him, quite literally, because respite, for him, is unacceptable. Perhaps that guilty part of him even hopes, by the end of this, that his soul will be so unrecognizable as to be fundamentally unsalvageable. But the truth of the matter is, or at least what comes across to me, is that Kurapika cares much more fiercely than he hates. He knows what matters most. And for as long as he does, he still hasn't truly lost himself.

[ID: A panel from HxH chapter 350. Kurapika looks down at baby Woble with a gentle, yet complicated expression. The inking is somewhat softer. End ID.]

Kurapika's soul is kind, really. And it wants to heal - but for the sake of his mission, he needs it damaged and bleeding. And so, he forces himself to exist in that pain. All alone.

[ID: A panel from HxH Chapter 344. Kurapika, dressed in a black suit, sits with his back to the reader, looking down at a photo in his hand. He is slumped a little before the church vigil he has prepared, all his clan's eyes lined up in their jars and honoured with flowers and candles. He thinks to himself "There is no home for me to return to... and nobody to welcome me back. I have nothing left." End ID.]

#thank you for coming to my ted talk on how kurapika is worsening his own mental health as well as physical health on purpose have a good day #oh my god this took me so long but it was worth it!!!#actual analysis!!! it's been so long!!!#anyways i'm far shakier on my hxh knowledge than other fandoms i've written meta for #so i hope this makes sense. i appreciate additions to it just please be polite!#i also believe that togashi's writing lends itself to multiple interpretations that are equally valid. so much of this #may be my own takeaway. but i do think there's enough evidence to support it #well. i hope you guys suffer... i mean enjoy.#storyrambles #hunter x hunter #hxh #hxh meta #kurapika #call me ace detective the way i am ace. and also a detective #<-analysis tag i missed you

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ripleylove · 4 months

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An unexpected announcement.

pairing: Rhea Ripley x fem!reader (and platonic the judgment day x reader. )

requested by@stellakiddsblog saying:Rhea x pregnant reader They announce their pregnancy to the judgement day No angst

genre:fluff!

summary: announcing you and Rhea being parents wasn't something you could do commonly,so you decided to tease them a bit.

A/N: I wanted to thank you all for the requests,the likes,the comments and the reblogs! I really appreciate each and everyone of you <3 I had to be ORIGINAL in this one

⋆ ˚｡⋆𔓘⭒๋࣭

You and your wife Rhea have always wanted a baby together.

So,you tried your everything to make the pregnancy happen,and,fortunately, it worked.

When the doctors told you that you were pregnant,you were over the moon: you jumped on Rhea,hugging her tight and her doing the same,while peppering millions of kisses on your cheeks.

You first told both of your families: Rhea's was on cloud nine,and yours was the happiest they've ever been. You got support from everyone,but,for the first few months you wanted to keep it a secret. But,obviously, your friends Dominik,Finn and Damian had to know,and to spice it up a little bit,you and Rhea planned something for them.

The day when you got the news of being pregnant,Rhea told the rest of the faction that her and you were sick. Obviously her and your friends were worried,and decided to visit the both of you.

"Hi girls!" Damian,ever the sweetest,hugged the both of you,but he had a look of worry on his face.

"Mami? Y/N? Are you alright? Do you need anything?" Dominik looked really preoccupied as well for the both of you.

Finn approached the both of you with 2 bags in his hands,full of snacks and drink. "Thank you,Finn,I appreciate it" Rhea said with a (fake) sick voice,coughing after talking to make a better impression.

You looked kinda bad as well,because,to seem pale,you put a light foundation so that the guys would really believe it.

"Guys,we don't have the strength to prepare our medicine,could you please help us? It's on the kitchen counter,but before giving it to us could you please read the instructions first?" You asked with a low voice, trying to hold your own laugh.

Basically, to prank the guys, you decided to put the ultrasound photos of your baby instead of the instructions, so they would be completely surprised.

Damian opened the box of the medicine,while Finn was preparing you both a cup of water to take said medicine and Dominik was putting all of the things they bought in their trip at the grocery store earlier on the table.

"What the hell?" Damian said,and,obviously, Finn and Dominik came next to him to see what was wrong. They loudly gasped,and their jaws fell open.

You and Rhea couldn't hold your laughs in anymore,and you just cried from all of the laughs you shared.

The three men watched the both of you with a confused expression,looking at each other in disbelief.

"Oh my god- wait I can't breathe-" You stopped to catch your breath,then you continued "So guys,guess what?" You asked with a smile, "We're becoming mothers!" Rhea exclaimed, with a smile that almost reached her ears and made her eyes disappear.

"WHAT?" Dominik said,and Finn continued "FOR REAL???"

You both nodded,and they erupted into cheers.

"I'm so happy for you!"

"I'm becoming an uncle!"

"Oh my god yall"

"THIS IS INSANE"

The night ended with a big hug,while you and Rhea contemplated about finally being mothers.

taglist: @stellakiddsblog @bibibi-tchx

#rhea ripley #rhea ripley x reader #rhea ripley fluff #rhea ripley oneshot #rhea ripley imagine #damian priest x reader #finn balor x reader #dominik mysterio x reader #the judgment day x reader

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poweringthroughthis · 6 months

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birthday cake | lee sangyeon

nsfw, mature content, mdni

desc: (name) isn't a big fan of his birthdays, so his friends decide to cheer him up with a particularly handsome gift this year.

warnings: oral, rimming, anal s*x, fluff

Birthdays are no easy feat for (name). Between corporate slavery, a horrendous economy and a dead love life, there really isn't much to celebrate. Well, maybe except for his friends. With New constantly reprimanding him for his bad decisions, Changmin being the sweetest guy ever, Juyeon raising his standards in men and Kevin teaching him all the naughty things of the world, (name) appreciated those little troublemakers deeply.

So, despite not being the biggest self-lover on birthdays, the male did expect his friends would, at the very least, come over to his place, watch horror movies and build pillow forts as they bitch about anyone and everyone. Being far away from family made (name) cherish the boys' efforts all the more.

However, with no one even replying to his texts, let alone showing up at his apartment, he was more than a bit confused. The male was just about to call New and demand the reason behind their sudden silence when the doorbell rang.

(name) was more than relieved to hear the chime and was quick to open the door, not wanting the person to ring it again. The man's mouth opened, a bright smile already on his lips but before any words could leave him, a cake was shoved into his face and his vision was obstructed by the sugary mess.

The male was still blinking in surprise when the candles were blown off and someone clapped happily, a voice exclaiming, "Happy birthday!"

(name) finally managed to pry the cake away from his eyes, looking at the group of four that stood before him. They were all holding gifts and smiling widely at him.

"You're here," he mumbled, not even bothering to hide the happiness in his voice.

"Of course," Kevin exclaimed, stepping inside the house and taking off his shoes. "Why wouldn't we be?"

"I'm surprised you guys are here, to be honest," the birthday boy mumbled, still wiping the icing from his eyes and nose.

"And why is that?" Changmin asked.

"You weren't answering your phones."

"Oh, those..." Juyeon mumbled, looking at the other three for a brief second before continuing. "We left them in the car. You know how the signal sucks here."

(name) nodded. He didn't believe a word of it. "And who brought the cake?"

"Me," the black-haired male replied. "You said you loved that cheesecake so I decided to surprise you."

"Thank you, Chanhee." (name) smiled.

"No problem, dude. Now let's go and open your gifts!"

"Yes, please. I have a present too and I've been dying to give it to you!" Juyeon added excitedly, pushing past his friends and into the house.

The others followed him, leaving their shoes at the door.

(name) was feeling like the happiest person alive. His friends came to visit, brought him gifts and baked a cake for him. They didn't have to, but they did it anyway.

Chanhee noticed (name) and gave him a small smile. "It was a pretty last minute decision. Sorry, we couldn't do better."

"I think this is already amazing," the male replied, mirroring the other's smile.

"Hey! Stop flirting and get your asses in here," Juyeon called out.

Chanhee rolled his eyes. "We should go and stop him before he does something stupid."

The younger one nodded, following his friend into the living room.

They did all that (name) had envisioned. Watching horror movies(The Amityville franchise this year), eating the cake Chanhee baked and talking smack. Like clockwork. The smile didn't leave (name)'s face the entire night. A few drinks in and the guys were still sober, but way more relaxed.

"Guys, I have to say something." (name) began, the boys turning around to look at him with fond smiles on their faces.

"Thank you. Thank you for doing this every year. And on days when it's not even my birthday. Life is a lot less shittier because I have you all."

Perhaps it was the soju talking, but (name) felt like he needed to make it known how grateful he was for his boys.

"Aww you cutie, c'mere.." Kevin cooed at the male, making kissy faces as he tackled him into a hug, the birthday boy yelling for him to get away.

"Ewww cringe!" Chanhee fake-gagged as he made a disgusted expression.

"Shut up, Chanhee. We know you're the biggest crybaby deep down" Changmin shushed him.

"I think it's time to give you your gift," Juyeon whispered into (name)'s ear, his hot breath sending shivers down (name)'s spine.

"O-okay."

Juyeon smiled, standing up and walking towards the door, leaving (name) confused. Why didn't Juyeon bring the gift inside with him initially? He glanced over at the others who were looking into space, avoiding his gaze. Alert number 1.

"I swear to god y'all if this is something stupid like last ti-"

"Hello."

(name) stopped dead in his tracks as a deep, matured voice interrupted him. He turned around to see: Lee Sangyeon. His very attractive, very charming and very well-spoken neighbor, though (name) had barely exchanged anything past normal greetings with the man.

"So, remember how we were late? We were hastily searching for a good gift shop as the old one recently closed, and ran into this guy who was kind enough to help us navigate to a new one. Guess who it was?" Juyeon explained the last bit in a sing-song voice. "Exactly! Sangyeon hyung."

"And when we left for the same way, we talked a little more and realized he's your neighbor! What a small world." Changmin added.

Hyung? Damn Juyeon and his extroverted nature. And yes, Changmin, (name) is well aware of his hot neighbor. Thank yew. He's been purposely treading carefully around him in order to NOT make a fool of himself, which you've kinda defeated the whole point of?!

"Happy birthday! I hope you don't mind me. I was free and your friends insisted I join." Sangyeon offered a charming grin.

"Thank you. And ,N-no, no, not at all! I don't mind. Please, feel free to join anytime you'd like. I mean-" (name) rambled.

"Oh boy. I knew he was gonna shit himself" New sighed.

"I didn't say it was a bad thing. It's kinda cute. YOU'RE kinda cute." Sangyeon chuckled, and if the sound of it didn't send an electric jolt down (name)'s spine.

"So are we done yet or..?" Kevin yawned, leaning onto the couch. Everyone scurried off back to their places in the living room, continuing the movie they'd paused to drink. For a while, the boys made small talk with Sangyeon, (name) getting to know the man better. As time passed, they all became increasingly sleepy, but (name) and Sangyeon hardly ceased talking to each other, now cuddled up with each other. They clicked rather well.

"So, I think there's one last gift left. For both of you." Chanhee smirked.

"I agree," Sangyeon whispered.

Before (name) could blink, he was pulled into a warm embrace and his lips met Sangyeon's. It was gentle, yet firm, and (name) felt like he could die and be satisfied. The latter tasted of sweet wine, and the older's scent filled his senses as he pulled him closer, a soft sigh escaping him. Sangyeon's lips were soft and warm, and his tongue moved confidently against his own, making (name)'s toes curl.

As Sangyeon pulled back, a smile appeared on his face. (name) had been crushing over him for 2 weeks now. So is it safe to assume his feelings are somewhat reciprocated?

"How was that?" Sangyeon asked, his fingers stroking (name)'s hair.

"Amazing.." the latter breathed.

"I'm glad." The elder smiled, a soft chuckle escaping him. "Well, I hope you had a good birthday."

"Yes, and I have you to thank for it."

"Then perhaps we should do this again?"

"Definitely."

And (name) was sure his heart was about to burst with joy.

"Ahem."

New's voice caught their attention.

"Sorry for the interruption but it's getting late and we should leave," he announced, gesturing at the other 3 who were already gathering their belongings.

"Alright. You guys have fun and behave yourselves." Kevin grinned, bidding them a goodbye.

(name)'s eyes widened. "Yeah, bye Kevin!" he offered a tight-lipped smile, mouthing "I.will.Kill.You", knowing fully well it must have been the Canadian's idea to pull this stunt. "You needed this babe" Kevin whispered in the other's ear. "Thank me later", he left after blowing (name) a kiss, Chanhee and Changmin dragging him.

"Sangyeon, we hope we can see you around soon." Juyeon said.

"Definitely."

The birthday boy's eyes met with Sangyeon's, and (name) didn't miss the way the man's pupils dilated. He wasn't alone in his feelings.

"Happy birthday, again." The eldest of the 4 leaned forward and placed a tender kiss on (name)'s cheek, the gesture sending warmth throughout his body.

The moment the 4 left, (name) plopped onto the couch, still dazed from what had transpired.

"They really thought of everything."

"It seems so."

"Are you happy?"

"Yes, very."

"Good, that's what matters."

"Can I...can I kiss you again?"

"Of course."

Sangyeon cupped his cheeks, bringing their lips together. It was gentle and slow, yet there was a hint of hunger behind it.

"I've been thinking about this for a long time," Sangyeon admitted, his thumb brushing over (name)'s bottom lip.

"So have I."

"That's good to know."

The eldest captured (name)'s lips again, this time with more urgency. He sucked on his bottom lip, drawing a low moan from him. The sound spurred Sangyeon on, and his tongue slipped into the younger's mouth, eliciting another moan.

"I'm not quite finished yet. There are many other things I'd like to do to you."

"Such as?"

"You'll just have to wait and see."

The next thing (name) knew, he was being lifted up, the male's legs instinctively wrapping around his waist. Sangyeon carried him to his room, and the two fell onto the bed in a heap of tangled limbs. Their lips met again, the kiss becoming more passionate and urgent.

"Do you want me to keep going?" Sangyeon whispered against his lips, his fingers brushing the younger's cheek.

"Yes, please," (name) whined.

The older one wasted no time and started undressing the male beneath him. After he had stripped him down, the two kissed some more, their hands roaming each other's bodies.

"I'm going to make you feel good," Sangyeon breathed against his ear, his fingers trailing down his abdomen, causing him to shiver.

(name)'s eyes widened as the elder stood up and stripped down his lower half, his thick member on full display. The birthday boy swallowed nervously, his cock throbbing at the sight.

"You're already so hard." (name) breathed.

The latter was about to apologize, but his words were caught in his throat when he felt a wet heat envelope his length. He couldn't hold back a moan as he threw his head back.

(name) continued to suck on his length, eliciting a chorus of moans from the elder.

After a few minutes, Sangyeon hurriedly pulled (name)'s mouth away, biting his lips to stop himself from cumming.

"Mmh, I think you're ready," Sangyeon mumbled, and (name) let go of his member, wiping his mouth with his hand.

He reached the hem of the birthday boy's underwear, tugging it down. The cool air of the room caused the latter's member to twitch, and Sangyeon smiled. He laid (name) down face first on the bed, spread out. Kneeling between the younger's legs, he leaned down and spread his ass cheeks apart using his hands, licking his lips at the sight of the male's pink, puckered hole.

(name) gasped as he felt the wet heat of the elder's tongue circling his entrance. He gripped the sheets tightly as he felt the sensation of being stretched.

The younger male could only moan in response, the feeling of being penetrated by the elder's tongue was intoxicating. He could feel his orgasm approaching, and he arched his back, pressing his hips against Sangyeon's face.

"It's your birthday, but i'm the one eating the cake," the elder chuckled, and (name) whimpered, feeling the latter's tongue slide in deeper.

"Oh fuck," he moaned, his eyes rolling back in pleasure.

Sangyeon continued to fuck (name) with his tongue, and the younger male couldn't help but cry out in pleasure.

"I-I'm gonna cum," (name) whined.

"Go ahead, baby," the elder encouraged, and the younger male could only gasp and shudder as his orgasm ripped through him.

Sangyeon sat up and grabbed the bottle of lube on the bedside table. He squirted a generous amount onto his palm and spread it over his length.

"Ready, baby?"

"Yes, please," (name) nodded, spreading his legs wider.

Sangyeon lined himself up with the younger's entrance and pushed inside, eliciting a loud moan from the younger.

"F-fuck, you're so tight," the elder moaned, his eyes fluttering shut.

"Feels so good," (name) panted.

The elder started to thrust in and out of the younger male, and the latter could only moan in response.

"You feel so good around me," Sangyeon moaned, and (name) could only whine in response, his eyes rolling back in pleasure.

The older one leaned over, capturing his lips in a heated kiss.

The elder started thrusting faster, the sound of their skin slapping filling the room.

"Fuck, I'm close," the elder moaned, his eyes screwed shut.

"M-me too," (name) gasped.

Sangyeon gripped the younger's hips tighter and increased his pace, causing the latter to moan loudly.

"Fuck, I'm cumming," the elder growled, and he spilled inside the birthday boy.

"Holy shit," (name) breathed, his orgasm rippling through him.

The elder pulled out, the latter's cum coating the tip of his cock.

"Happy birthday to you," Sangyeon breathed, leaning down to kiss the birthday boy.

(name) sighed contently. "Thank you."

"For what?"

"Making my birthday special."

"I'll make every birthday special, if you'll let me," the elder smiled, and the two kissed once more.

When the 4 were far away, New's voice broke the silence.

"Hey Juyeon.."

"Yes?"

"Do you think he'll actually thank us for setting him up with his crush?"

"Probably not.." Juyeon answered.

"Should we start running?"

"Yup."

"We're doomed."

"Well, it was worth it."

"Definitely."

"Happy Birthday, (name)." Kevin yelled into the night, wishing nothing but happiness for their friend, as the 4 walked home.

#kpop male idol #kpop x male reader #kpop x male reader smut #male idol x male reader #tbz x male reader #the boyz x male reader #the boyz x male reader smut #tbz x male reader smut #sangyeon x male reader #sangyeon x male reader smut #male reader insert #x male reader

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mybelovedwoo · 10 months

Note

Can you do wooyoung as a boyfriend? :D

YESS! I've been waiting for this request for a long time, thank you so much <3 I hope you'll enjoy :)) I'm sorry it took a while to write this, but I got caught up with a busy schedule all of a sudden.

jung wooyoung as your boyfriend - headcanon

headcanon, romance, fluff, smut

reader x bf!atz

wc. ~0.9k

an: i'm weak for this man you all know

you can request headcanons if you want to!! if you want to be tagged in any of my fics you can apply here <3

masterlist

-i think we all know that wooyoung is your brat best friend type of boyfriend, who always puts you before himself and takes such good care of you, still can never stop teasing you

-he needs a lot of attention, like a lot. if your attention is not on him he will get all sulky and clingy. he would annoy you just to give him what he wants. even when you're talking to someone else he will cling to you from the back or to your arms

-but if the opposite happens, he just loves it so so much, it's one of his ways to tease you. he would play a video game or be on his phone and you would beg for his attention, he wouldn't give in so easily, but there would always be a cocky smile on his face

-gives you presents all the damn time, it's one of his love languages, he loves giving in general, especially when it comes to you. even if it's just a chocolate or a jewelry he will buy it when he thinks of you

-would even buy you pieces of clothes that he already has or buy one for himself too, so you guys could match in a cool way

-he cooks your favorite dishes every date night. loves to experiment with food, you are his taste tester and would be the happiest when he sees you love what he made just for you

-also gives you all his food from his plate, he wants you to eat well, but you want the same for him so you always fight over it

-late-night walk hand in hand by the river, watching all the night lights of the city, him giving you his jacket because you refused to bring yours, but now he freezes to death but loves it at the same time, stopping by a convenient store to buy snacks and ice cream, yeah that's just a casual friday night

-lots and lots of kisses. just gives you random kisses on your cheeks, doesn't care where or who is there it doesn't stop him (his members are already used to it)

-would kiss you passionately until you lose your breath, then he would smile to a final kiss because he feels proud of himself

-on facetime with you 24/7 when he's on tour

-he is basically best friends with your family and friends, in return, you are best friends with his mom

-has heart eyes for you, doesn't break eye contact, and flirts with you every given minute

-have cheeky nicknames for you like pookie, nugget, pumpkin (anything that he can think of at the moment), but your contact name is the sweetest "my one and only", also you are his wallpaper for sure

-brings you with him everywhere, literally you two are connected (at least that's what his members are saying). he brings you to work, you have to watch him dance and then review it or to a filming, you're always somewhere behind the cameras

-would want to move in with you as soon as he can, because he doesn't want to spend any time without you

-calls you his wife in front of the members and his family, because you will be one day, he's sure about that

-if you're dating woo it means sometimes there's a plus one on your dates, san feels a little weird about it, he thinks he interrupts your special time but loves to hang out with you guys

-he hates it when san and you are allying against him, but deep down loves to see that you get along well, his two soulmates

-you have to cuddle him so he can fall asleep at night, usually you are the big spoon because this man loves to be cuddled

-his hand is constantly on your thighs or on your ass, he's shameless about it

-he is whipped for you, would literally do anything you ask him to do

nsfw +18!!!

-lots of people think he is a tease in bed too, but I think he is quite the opposite. wooyoung is a very impatient person, he cannot wait for long, especially when he wants you so bad

-I think I don't have to say it, but he is a sub in bed. likes to be taken care of and likes to be on the bottom

-there are times when he wants to take care of you tho, so he would switch and make you feel good all night long

-his hands all over your body, would touch everywhere he can reach, just can't get enough of you

-loves it when you kiss his neck, that's something he gets turned on immediately, also just compliment his body and this man is done right there

-very noisy, lots of whimpers and moans, doesn't really care if someone hears it

-i think he gets worked up pretty easily, so you guys would have sex every single time you meet or you sleep over at each other's place

-for positions, I would say cowgirl is the most common, but he likes everything where you are on the top and he can see you well

-blowjob is a must, even if you don't have sex, at a random bathroom of a restaurant or at the dance studio

-he needs cuddles after, just wants to hold you close to him and would praise you for such a good work you did, would definitely take good care of you after, brings you food and clean clothes, would feel very grateful and sentimental at these moments

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rickysvxr · 6 months

Text

nsfw a to z - ricky

warning - just smut, ricky x f!reader

MDNI MDNI MDNI MDNI MDNI

a - aftercare

ricky's the sweetest when it comes to aftercare. he would immediately turn into lovelicky :(( he would ask you if you're alright and if he didn't hurt you too much. he would definitely clean you both and make some food. if you prefer sleeping - he would cuddle you to sleep and sing for you.

b - boobs

ricky's a boob guy - you can't tell me otherwise. when he sleeps he's cuddled into your boobs. he really likes squeezing them. while you ride him he likes sucking on your nipples and leave some hickeys.

c - cum

he would cum into your pussy unless you don't want him to. ricky wants you to be comfortable with anything he's doing. also he's really into cumming into your mouth or on your face.

d - daddy kink

he will definitely make you call him daddy. or maybe sir??? he'd be so into roleplay. he'd call you his little kitten or something. call him daddy and he'd immediately get hard.

e - experience

you both weren't really experienced but ricky knew what to do to make you feel the best. he's open to trying new things.

f - fingering

he'd finger you while you're visiting your family.. he's such a bitch and he knows that. he's also into fingering you when you're studying/working. he really needs your attention :((

g - gagging

he knows you can't take his whole dick to your mouth so he won't force you to anything and he would try not to hurt you. if he would - he'd do it unintentionally.

h - hickeys

for him - he likes leaving them on your boobs or tights so places that only him (and you) can see. you like giving him hickeys on his neck (right on his tattoo 🙈).

i - intimacy

when it comes to real sex he'd like to do it in your bedroom so you both have that private place. but he would also fuck you in the backseat of his car.

j - jerk off

he would definitely send you videos of him jerking off. he would tie a little ribbon on his dick :((

k - kinks

overstimulation, praise kink, daddy kink, pet names (idk if it counts), scratching, roleplay.

l - locations

bedroom, his car, couch, floor.

m - making out

ricky likes to make out late at night when he wakes you up just to make out with you :(( you'd be so sleepy but he loves it so much.

n - no's

he definitely wouldn't force you to anything. ricky wouldn't like to make you cry :( but besides that he's open to anything that you want to try.

o - orgasms

ricky would cum A LOT. it doesn't matter how you make him do that - he would cum a lot. he does at least 3 or 4 rounds (it's minimum for him btw).

p - pet names

baby, darling, sweetheart, my kitten, good girl, princess, sweetie, cutie, slut.

q - quickie

he'd be so into quickies. like before his performance? he would really love it. but still he likes to take his time with you.

r - relationship

in the bedroom - he's really wild and hot. he'd be the bitchest bitch to ever bitch. still he would give you whatever you want (he likes teasing a lot tho).

outside the bedroom - he turns into lovelicky. he's the sweetest person on the earth and you want him to know that! you both love when you're babying him. just give this man some attention and he'd be the happiest person in the world.

s - stamina

as i said before - ricky would do 3 or 4 rounds with you and it's his minimum! he would literally fuck you all day if you both could 😭 he still makes sure he's not hurting you or something. he always asks you if you want to go for an another round.

t - toys

vibrator and that's it. he doesn't like when something other than him is making you feel good. and he lets you know that.

u - unfair

he would make you cum every time. he doesn't like leaving you unsatisfied - it just hurts him. he's into teasing but he'd definitely make you cum before he's done.

v - volume

he likes when you moan so loud - it's music to his ears. he would groan and sometimes even moan. but don't expect it from him unless you're on top.

w - i can't think of any, sorry 😭

x - x-ray

he's BIG. and he knows that. (still he fits perfectly into your pussy).

y - i can't think of any!!!

z - zzz...

he won't fall asleep before you. he always makes sure that you're sleeping, then he would go to sleep. (he's so sweet i can't 😭).

#ricky shen #ricky #zb1 ricky #ricky smut #zb1 smut #zb1 x reader #zb1 imagines #zerobaseone

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mythunderstorm · 1 year

Text

Angie gets a mom | MS47

mick schumacher x fem!reader

word count: 980

summary: Mick loves you. Angie loves you. Time to make you her mom officially.

warnings: none?? maybe one swear word lol

masterlist

It is summer break for Formula 1 and after months you guys are finally visiting your parents in your hometown again.

The weather is currently not really summer-ish, it’s cloudy, not too hot and sometimes it rains a bit but you don’t mind. It reminded you of autumn, a season which you dearly loved so the combination of your favorite season and being able to spend lots of time with Mick was absolutely amazing.

You’re awoken by the sound of wind blowing, taking a look at the clock you realize it’s still early. Too early to get up, you decide, so you move closer to your boyfriend hugging him tight. Spending time with Mick is probably your favorite activity, no matter what you guys are doing. Soon, the second half of the season begins so you have to cherish every moment with your lovely boyfriend.

You’re almost back in the land of dreams, when suddenly you can feel soft tapping against your leg. Turning your head you spot Angie, trying to get your attention.

„Oh Angie, you wanna come cuddle?“ you say while making room for her to squeeze between you and Mick. „Good Girl, come here.“ You adored cuddling with Angie, she was just so soft and sweet.

„I think at this point she might love you more than she loves me.“ Mick suddenly says, after letting out a yawn.

„Oh sorry baby, did we wake you?“ you say, ignoring what Mick just said.

„No, it’s okay. I love waking up next to may favorite girls.“ he says, kissing you on the forehead. You only smile, enjoying this calm morning with your loved ones.

About half an hour later Angie gets a bit restless, a sign that it’s time for her morning walk. After brushing your teeth and changing your clothes into something that’s appropriate for the weather, you and Mick start walking to the small forest near your childhood home. Your parents were still sound asleep when you guys left, so you wrote them a note, telling where you and Mick went incase they wake up.

„I love this. I wish we could go on walks like this every morning.“ Mick suddenly says, making you lean more into his side.

„I‘d love that too baby, but you love your job aswell. And now walks like this are something special, so enjoy it and look forward to our next visit here“ you smile, kissing his cheek. Mick signs, he knows you’re right. He loves racing and he loves working for Mercedes but most importantly he loves you. So he only gives you a quick kiss on the lips, enjoying this moment like you said.

Angie enjoys it too, she’s running around, taking in all the different smells but is still staying close to you two. Her excitement makes you giggle.

„Anything funny sweetheart?“ Mick absolutely loves your laugh. It’s the sweetest sound he has ever heard.

„I‘m just happy that Angie is enjoying herself so much.“ you say in a gentle voice. „Sometimes i feel like she’s our firstborn, just my little baby which I want to be happy and pleased at all times.“

Mick can only stare at you. He loves you so much, it’s insane. Hearing you say that makes him even crazier about actually starting a family with you. And now is the perfect timing to do the first step.

He already asked your father. It was really important for Mick to have your dad’s blessing and after he said that it would make him the happiest dad ever to have Mick as his son in law, the young Schumacher thought everyday about the perfect moment to pop the question.

And now, seeing you so happy, enjoying this calm morning walk with Angie while holding his hand, rambling about nature and how much you love being here with him, he knew. He knew this was the moment.

You, being blissfully unaware about what’s going on in your boyfriends head, continued walking and rambling about everything that came to your mind until you realized that Mick stopped. Turning around you looked at him with a questioning look, tilting your head. „Everything okay, Micky?“

Mick just looked at you, his eyes being so full of love and adoration that you started to blush under this intense gaze. He took one step towards you, until he slowly started to get down on one knee.

„Oh my god…“ you mumble, tears starting to form in your eyes.

Mick smiles. „Darling, you’re my home“, he starts. „I love you more than life itself and I can’t believe that I managed to get a girl like you. You are absolutely perfect, perfect for me. I don’t deserve the love you give me everyday but I am willing to show you for the rest of our lives how much I love and appreciate you. You‘re the perfect mom for Angie and the perfect wife for me. Soo..“ Mick clears his throat briefly, the tears that formed in his eyes are now rolling freely over his cheeks. „y/n/n, will you marry me?“ your boyfriend (for now) asks, fishing a dark blue velvet box from his pocket, showing you the most beautiful ring you‘ve ever seen.

You are absolutely baffled. You would have never expected this to happen today, maybe someday, but not today. But you know your answer, you knew you wanted to marry Mick two month into your relationship.

Happily you throw yourself into his arms, kissing him all over his face while mumbling „yes, yes, yes“ between kisses. Mick laughs, hugging you close. „I love you Micky, oh my god I- fuck I‘m speechless!“ you giggle, while more tears are streaming down both your faces.

„Now you’re going to be Angies Mom officially“ Mick quips, making you even happier.

You’re going to marry the love of your life.

#mick schumacher #ms47 #msc47 #mick schumacher fluff #mick schumacher x reader #mick schumacher imagines #mick schumacher drabble #f1 #formula 1 #formula 1 fluff #f1 x reader

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blushweddinggowns · 10 months

Text

Steddie Drunk Dialing Fluff

Steve Harrington-Munson was probably one of the happiest men to be alive in the modern era. He had the perfect life, against all odds. Because apparently having your late teens and early twenties ruined by demons equated to a fantastic adulthood.

He had it all. A loving family, the best friend/surrogate sister he could ever ask for, and he was married to the love of his life. And okay, yes. That had included some extremely embarrassing revelations and internal meltdowns and... a pretty brutal disownment. But he had figured it all out in the end. And here he was, a decade later with a ring on his finger and a nice hyphenated name. Not to mention how he was basically a trophy husband.

Eddie hadn't wasted a moment of the last decade. A symptom of almost dying it would seem. He went for the GED, gathered the band back up, moved across the country to chase his dreams and play in every shitty dive bar he could until they were discovered. All while dragging Steve along for the ride.

As much as Steve had believed in him, neither of them had been prepared for his music career actually taking off. Especially not to the level it did. It was undeniable that his husband was an A-Lister, despite how universally hated he was by half the country. You don't get many out and proud metal front man who loved parading around his high school sweetheart at every social event he could. But Europe loved him, as did the entirety of gay, rebellious youths world wide.

It was so stupid. There Eddie was, painted as an insane freak who was fake-married. With tabloids running story after story about his secret children, his drug addiction, a wife from another country, anything that they could think of. All while Eddie spent every free moment at Steve's side, always opting for a night in with his baby when given the choice. And when he wasn't doing that, he was busy playing surrogate fun uncle to the kids, who were definitly not kids anymore. But that didn't stop them from all getting together for Dungeons and Dragons once a month, hundreds and hundreds of campaign hours on everyone's belts. And that was his life. Spending time with his family, forcing them on hikes and runs, volunteering, working occasionally to help Robin with her translating work, all while coming home to the sweetest thing that ever existed.

God, did Steve love that man. Reminiscing about the love of his life while he was on tour was not helping his fretful sleep. He just... really had given him everything. He loved him so much in fact that he was only slightly pissed when he was woken up at three a.m. from the phone ringing off the hook.

Steve reached for it blindly, still half-asleep when he mumbled, "Mm-Eds?"

"Steeeeeeeeeevie," Eddie's voice slurred back at him, "Baby booooy. How's my baby boy? I miss my baby boy."

Steve smiled despite himself, yawning into the phone. Eddie was lucky he was so cute, considering how the love of his life who could not remember what time zones were, "He misses you too. And he's a little tired right now babe. What's up?"

"Day drunk," Eddie sighed, "Guys, morning show, mimosas, hotel room to sleep it off. Missing you."

"You won't be missing me for long," Steve softly laughed. Though... hearing his voice was quite the reminder of how cold the bed suddenly felt, "Just... one more week. That's not too long right?"

"Too long!" Eddie groaned, dramatic, "I miss you now. Why can't I see you now? Wait-Can I see you now? Cause planes and trains and-"

"And no," Steve interrupted with a chuckle, "You'd only get me for a few hours before you'd have to leave again."

"Worth it," Eddie mumbled out, his voice a little muffled as he tumbled around in his hotel bed, "Want my baby."

The pathetic tilt to his voice was enough to make Steve's heart clench. God he was too precious. Suddenly a red-eye in the middle of the night for a two hour make-out session didn't sound like such a bad idea. But he could be the strong one for tonight, "You have me sweetheart. Want me to stay on until you fall asleep."

"Yes please," Eddie sighed, "Love your voice. It's so... nice. Like... audible perfume. Like poetry or something."

"Oh baby you are wasted," Steve said as he laid back down, nestling the phone to his ear, "Please tell me you drank some water before laying down?"

"... maybe?"

"Babe."

"I knoooow. Keep nagging me though. I missed that too."

"Is my bitching your bed time story?"

He could hear Eddie nodding, rusting against the fabric, "And it's the best. Keep going?"

Steve rolled his eyes, but he did what he was asked. Saying every silly little grievance he could think of. He whined about how cold it was in bed without him, how Eddie had promised to take out the trash before he left and forgot. Again. How he hated how quiet it was without him, how much he missed hearing his voice trailing in and out of every room.

And Eddie listened, mumbling out a few sleepy m'sorrys and I love yous along the way. Until all Steve could hear was the slow, steady sound of his breathing. But he didn't hang up. Not when that was one of his favorite sounds in the world. And the perfect thing to fall asleep to.

Steve smiled to himself as he closed his eyes, a little amazed that Eddie could still make him feel so loved, from hundreds of miles away.

But one thing was for sure. He still had to be the happiest man on earth.

357 notes · View notes

kairismess · 8 months

Note

Hii!! Can I request Hinata with childhood best friends to lovers with a fem! s/o? I'm in love with soft pining stuff and Hinata so why not put two and two together ✨✨

Btw love your writing!!!

hearts' day 003.

from his best friend to his girlfriend, his one and only.

"oh, her? she's my best friend! well... at least i think she's just my best friend..."

shoyo had never thought twice about what you were to him, whenever someone on his team, in his class, or any of his close friends and family members asked him about you, he never hesitated to say you were his best friend.

you were his best friend in the sense that he couldn't remember what life was like without you, it was like you were always just with him, and to imagine his life before you... it didn't feel right, like every happy, good thing that happened to him, ever sad, gut-wrenching memory he has, you were always there to support him, to comfort him, to laugh with and cry with him.

he had always admired you, for every little and big thing you did for and with him, for every memory you two shared together, it was like you were the most comforting constant in his life–the warmest ray of sunshine in is life without even realizing it.

whenever the orange haired boy spoke about you, he always had the biggest, brightest smile on his face; always had the happiest voice when he told stories about you two, and never stopped complimenting you, never stopped describing you in the sweetest way possible.

and only when others kept pointing out how his feelings for you were probably a little more than just friendly feelings... he soon felt the butterflies flying around in his stomach, the fuzzy heat in his cheeks, and the unbearable urge to want to hold you in his arms, be your strength, your refuge, for as long as you'll let him be.

he couldn't find the courage to tell you right away, because you two had been friends for so long that it just felt a little weird to him to suddenly go from being your best friend to suddenly your best friend who had feelings for you. he overthought so much when he was around you during that time, there were so many things he wanted to do for and with you, but he could never quite take that first, pivotal step to letting his feelings for you be known.

but of course, no secret of his could ever be kept from you for too long; and so... he confessed to you one starry evening when you were at his place, with his parents and natsu fast asleep, the two of you outside in the backyard, just lying down on a picnic blanket under the stars. he let out his heart to you, expressed how he just couldn't not love you, because... you were everything.

you were beautiful, you were smart, you were kind, you were loving, you were... you. and that was more than enough reason for shoyo to love you more than anyone he's ever loved before.

and from that evening forth... he finally felt free. he finally felt like you two could soar together, that's how he felt when you made the first move and became the girl he shared his first kiss with. and now, he can't imagine the rest of his life without you.

367 notes · View notes

ninapi · 1 year

Text

▄▀▄▀▄▀▄▀▄▀▄▀▄▀▄▀▄▀▄▀▄▀▄▀▄▀▄▀▄▀▄

┊┊┊✧ ⁺ ⁺╚══ Wind Pillar ╝

Premise: Days in the life of the Shinazugawa household, based on my previous story (link here).

Word Count: 3263

Note: This was requested by the lovely @yourlocalangie, “little family moments in the shinazugawa household with the reader and their children.” 🫶🏻

─── ･｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───

A typical day in the Shinazugawa household started very early in the morning. Even before the sun got a chance to go out, Sanemi, his wife and the children would be on their way down the mountain with a cart full of goodies.

Over the years the farm had grown quite a bit.

Mia and her husband had babies and now your chicken coop is full to the brim with lovely birds and delicious eggs for your family and the towns people.

The milk from your farm was considered the hottest item in the market, getting a consistent queue of customers since very early in the morning, creating a high demand.

After an intense morning of sales, the Shinazugawa family heads back to their farm for a well deserved home cooked meal.

The afternoons were particularly busy, since they would all go to the market together, the rest of the work had to be done after lunch.

"Sanehiko, you're on milk duty, make sure they at least fill two of the big jugs."

"On it father." Sanehiko, the eldest of the lot was the most invested in the family business. He learned from his mother from a very young age how to tend the animals and get the milk from the cows, being the best at it in the family. He thoroughly enjoys working on the fields as well, always looking for a way to help with the crops and making sure everything was in order, out of all of them he was the most responsible and down to earth, being the eldest had a big impact in his way of living, much like young Sanemi he is constantly thinking of the wellbeing of his family and does his best to support his parents.

"Genma, you're in charge of picking the best tomatoes to sell tomorrow. Water your mother's herbs when you're done."

"Yes father!" Genma was the sweetest of them all, always wanting to please his mother and father alike. Sanemi was forever jealous at the fact that he was a momma's boy, he reminds him so much of Genya he wishes he would look up to him the way his brother used to do, but his mother is softer and prettier, of course anyone would choose her instead, he would do too.

"Remi, help your mother separate the black from the red berries and put them in the different baskets. If you behave, I might show you the third form." His only daughter was the closest to him, she inherited his spirit and even if she's not even three yet she begs her father to teach her his wind breathing techniques, days he decides to indulge her even the tiniest bit are the happiest around the house.

"(Y/N) you concentrate on the marmalade and watching Senri, I'll take care of the rest there is to do around in the fields and pick up the eggs." reaching over for your husband, you placed a soft kiss to his lips, nodding at his instructions. You were still very much pregnant and doing more than that would be harsh on your body. Patting your bum lovingly, he rolled his sleeves up and headed back to work.

"Mma this!" Remi was diligently following her father's instructions, pulling a berry that wasn’t ripe out and showing it to you in her tiny hand. "Good eye, baby. Let's put those a side ok? We don't want the marmalade to be sour." happily she set it on a plate and continued with her designated job.

No day was the same. Having a farm gave the kids the opportunity to be active and learn from their parents skills that would be useful in the future. Sanemi made sure to rotate them around the tasks, he wanted his children to grow as strong as he was and as smart as their mother, he wanted nothing but the best for them.

By the end of the day they were all tired and ready for bed as early as the sun would set that day.

─── ･｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───

Sundays were off. It didn't matter how much work was pending in the farm, how many eggs the chickens lay that morning, how much money they made that week, nothing mattered. Days off were important for the Shinazugawas.

Sanemi didn't get much time to lay around with his youngest since he is always so busy, but Sundays were normally deemed 'Senri day'.

Today though, he had slightly different plans.

You just finished bathing Remi and Senri when you heard Genma squealing like a little piglet.

"Genma get your ass here right now!"

Your husband sounded pissed. He rarely yells at the children, no matter how angry he was.

"Mother!!! Help me!! Father has gone crazy!! MOTHER!!!" his cries for help made you run outside your house, just to see your husband chasing your child around the fields with a sharp knife in his hand.

"Shinazugawa Sanemi. What on earth are you doing?" the child crashed against your leg, hiding behind it. If there was someone who could save him, that would be you.

"Tch." he was forced to stop running by your deep angry mother glare, "I just wanted to give him a haircut, love. Don't know why he's running away like a freak. Did you see him run? How is he faster than me? He's five, this makes no sense."

The four Shinazugawa children took after their father in their physical strengths. Sanehiko could lift a grown pig up since he was four. Genma had super speed, apparently. Remi had his blood thirst and Senri broke Sanehiko's finger when he was just three months old.

You brought Genma up into your arms, looking into his terrified eyes. "What's wrong, baby? Why aren't you letting your father cut your hair? You can't even see of how long it is."

"He....wanted to shave the sides of my head...." the child buried his face on your chest seeking for comfort, this always irritated Sanemi. He understands he is still young and that’s completely normal, but nobody but him and maybe Senri should be allowed to do that. Being jealous of his own children was a new low for the pillar.

"Stop being such a cry baby. I will do it whether you want it or not, I'm your father I do whatever the hell I want."

"Seems like you enjoyed sleeping out by the kitchen, darling." all trace of color drained from Sanemi's face instantly.

"B-babe....let's talk this out, ok? I just wanted to give him a haircut, you know he needs one." and he did, but you didn't like the way he was speaking to the child.

"Why are you shaving his head though? He looks so cute with his long hair." you were peppering soft kisses all over his little face, making him giggle.

By now Sanemi was sitting on the floor beside you, heaving out a long defeated sigh. "My brother...he had his hair like that. I guess I miss him."

"Oh my love...." setting your child down, you embraced your crestfallen husband, kissing the side of his face. "I know you see your brother in Genma, but you gotta remember he's your son and he is just five. Running after him with a knife in your hand isn't considered bonding."

"Father. It’s ok, you can shave my head. I don't like that sad face you're making." he brought Genma into a strong embrace and you all remained like that for a while. He missed Genya dearly, but having you around was more than he deserved.

"Remi too, Remi too!!!" your little girl jumped on Sanemi's back, nuzzling his neck with her little nose.

Sanehiko was holding Senri, confused by the knot of people before him. "What's going on?"

"Just come here, dammit." he settled for leaving Senri in your arms and gently nestle himself on your side, one of his hands holding one of his father's.

The Shinazugawa household was warm and full of understanding.

─── ･｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───

After a well deserved break, your husband was now getting into your shared futon ready for a good night sleep.

He loved caressing your enlarged belly, there was nothing he enjoyed more than seeing you carrying his babies, knowing you had a part of him inside of you. He would always fall asleep while tracing patterns on your tummy, face pressed on the side of your neck.

Maybe it was the emotional afternoon your family had, maybe it was the long walk up the hill from the day before. The reason was unknown to you but a sharp pain on your lower half alerted your sleepy husband.

“(Y/N) what’s wrong?”

“Is coming Nemi.” as if on cue, your water broke all over your freshly laundered covers.

“What do you mean is coming? Isn’t it too early? Fuck, what do we do now? Can you wait until I go call the midwife?” he already knew the answer to that question, your body was moving on its own into a good position to deliver the baby.

“Can’t do. We gotta do this on our own, I’ve done it four times already and you’ve been there for every single one of them, we know what to do.”

“Are you out of your fucking mind (Y/N)? What if there’s complications? Senri gave you a hard time.” he was panicking now, removing the covers completely to give you more space, “Hell, you haven’t even finished waving the basket, where is the baby going to sleep?”

“SANEHIKO.” the contractions were heavy, painful, one right after the other, you needed a cool headed person around while your husband hyperventilated in a corner of the room.

“Yes, mother?” the child had already gone to bed, but was still awake thankfully, coming to your aid instantly.

“The baby is coming my love, you know what to do right?” the child nodded making his way over to the kitchen, returning not long after with clean cloths and water.

“Take Senri, we need his basket. Remember, don’t come out of the room until I go look for you, no matter what you hear. This goes for the rest of the gang too, keep an eye on all of them.” Sanemi’s anxiety driven self was finally grasping reality, just in time.

It was now just the two of you in your room. The same room you and your brother were born in, the same room where your four children came to this world. “We can do this, love.” Sanemi held your hand as tight as he could getting in between your legs as you started pushing your fifth child out. Thankfully there were no complications, the child came out fast and with minimal effort, more than ready to come out and meet her family.

Sanemi was ecstatic when he saw his baby girl for the first time as the adrenaline rush was finally settling down. He somehow thought he’d have another boy; it was a pleasant surprise. He was so into it that even forgot he had to clip the cord, almost dragging you out with him when he pulled the baby close to his chest. She looked just like you, his beautiful little treasure.

After cleaning you and the baby, Sanemi set the child on his son’s basket, wrapped into a little cocoon where she slept peacefully tired of the whole adventure.

“How are you feeling, baby? You did such a good job. You’re a pro at this now you have my respect I could never do that, specially not now that I saw it so up close, that shit's not for the weak. I knew I picked the right wife.” this made you giggle, pulling your husband in for cuddles. You probably needed space but all you wanted was to be in his arms.

“I feel less heavy. A bit sore though.” he was rubbing circles onto the side of your hip trying his best to relieve the pain even if it was just a little.

“Do you want me to call the kids in? I can take Sae to them so you can rest some more.”

“Yeah, I don’t think I can handle Remi jumping on me right now.” you both chuckled, staring dreamily into each other’s eyes.

The children were overwhelmed with how cute their little sister was, Genma was particularly over the moon as he wasn’t the only one with dark hair any longer.

Sanemi explained to the kids that their mother needed to rest just like when Senri was born, they needed to behave, be gentle and stay out of troubles. But even after his father’s speech, Genma managed to sneak out of the room quietly and was now kneeling by your side.

“Mother, is your belly ok? Do you need belly rubs?” his sweet little voice was music to your ears, his gentle nature was truly a gift.

“I would love that, sweetie. But does your father know you’re here?” the child swallowed hard seemingly nervous but opted for ignoring the question and go straight to work, gently massaging your sore belly. “I will go to bed in a bit, just thought you might need belly rubs.” he looked like a little delinquent now that his father styled his hair with such a fashion forward design, it was the cutest thing in this world.

“Thank you, baby. You’re the best.” sitting up slightly, you gave your toddler a good night kiss, sending him his way before anyone noticed.

Sanemi noticed of course, but he didn’t say anything, he knew his son, he was probably just making sure his mother was still alive after the deafening screams heard all over the house during the birthing process.

He took Sae back to your room, leaving Senri to share his eldest brother bedding arrangements for the night to give you some extra time to finish the second basket the next day.

Finally going back to your side, Sanemi nearly collapsed on top of you, proud of the evening accomplishments but as tired as one can be, it never even crossed his mind he would help deliver his own child, it was an insane experience. “So how does it feel being the father of five children?” teasing your man was fun, especially when he was this tired, he gets way softer.

“Makes me want to put another one inside of that delicious looking-“

“SANEMI!” he bursts out laughing, burying his face on your hair.

“Just saying... Feels pretty good though. You know I come from a very large family, it feels great having all this tiny loud brats running around, makes me feel complete. You’ve given me so much…”

You were dozing off on his chest, placing a kiss on it before closing your eyes, “I would give you the world, my love.”

─── ･｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───

Being a parent to five children was not easy.

The age gap wasn’t as helpful now a days. When Genma was born Sanehiko was already old enough to understand what was happening. But having three children in a row was taking a toll both physically and mentally on you and your husband.

Remi was difficult to handle, always so full of energy. Senri was still just a little baby but was currently learning how to walk on his own, accidents following his every step. And Sae was milking the life out of you, her appetite was like no other.

You were tired and so was Sanemi.

Even the market stall had to go on a little break, this didn’t happen when Senri was born. He’s always been a quiet baby, would sleep most of his day. But Sae was always hungry and would constantly ask to be fed.

Sanehiko was deemed Senri’s guardian, while Sanemi held onto Remi for dear life majority of the day. The farm still needed to be tended to and you would have to go back to the market soon or the goods would be lost. Genma was tasked as your moral support or how Sanemi liked to call it ‘your servant’, he was in charge of making sure his mother had everything she needed, so he would go on fluffing your pillow every few minutes, bring you water, rub your belly, help you hold his sister while you changed her. He was a big help regardless of what the others said.

“Nii-nii look.” Remi would run over to the house to show her brother the vegetables she picked, the bugs she found, she even brought an egg, her hair littered with feathers making you giggle at the mental image of your husband trying to catch his daughter and chase her out of the coop. She’s always been given easy tasks as she’s still very little, but she was now helping her father with the farm, it made her feel important.

Genma knew she was taunting him, but he was where he wanted to be, there was nothing he’d rather do than to help his mother and new sister to be comfortable and well, he was a man now, the Shinazugawa are strong, he got this under control.

You were dozing off while feeding your daughter, Genma already snoozing on your lap, when you heard tiny feet running in your direction. You could see Remi on Sanemi’s shoulders picking corn in the fields from the window, this could only mean one thing.

“Senri, is that you?” a tiny hand was holding onto the doorframe, supporting his own weight. His brother was supposed to be watching him, but your children all take after their father, you knew Sanehiko wasn’t at fault, it was most likely Senri who sneaked out.

“Come here, my love.” he lets go of the door stumbling clumsily into your arms, “Did you miss me? I sure miss you, my baby boy. It's time for your nap, isn’t it?” he was climbing onto you, stepping on Genma’s hand in the process but very diligently skipping over his newborn sister as if afraid of hurting her.

In under a minute, you could hear your restless son lifting things around the house, scrambling in fear. “Sanehiko, he’s here baby.” a tuft of white hair was now peaking from outside the window, he didn’t want his parents to notice he lost a brother but got caught regardless. He was panting, face covered in sweat, “He disappeared so quickly mother, I swear I just looked to the side for a second and he was gone.”

“I know sweetie, I know. Why don’t you come here and rest with us for a while? We all need a nap.” That was a tempting offering, he was tired that was a fact. Having to look after his little brother, while being constantly awoken at night by a crying baby was a bit too much for a nine-year-old. He nestled on your side, giving you some extra support on the arm that was holding your daughter. Quickly falling asleep like the rest of the gang, face comfortably pressed on your shoulder.

Sanemi had picked up some of your lavender for tea, hopefully that would get you to sleep better. He was about to announce his plan when he saw more than half of his family sprawled on the floor, enjoying an afternoon nap, the sun beams coming through the window were shinning on the beautiful face of his darling wife the love of his life, and his offspring.

His youngest toddler was dozing off on his head, her arms now dangling to the sides of his face. Seems like everyone had the same idea.

He put her down on her eldest brother lap, and she curled on your side immediately, holding Sanehiko’s arm like a pillow. Sanemi went on your other side, cradling you, Genma, and Senri to his chest, letting out a content sigh out and kissing your forehead softly trying not to wake you up.

His life could be chaotic and had been quite challenging over the years, but once he found his happy place, he wouldn’t trade it for anything in this universe, and that was you.

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Tagged babes: @doumadono

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crappymixtape · 2 years

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laugh like lovers, kiss like friends

you're getting married – steve’s in town for the ceremony and it dredges up old memories, ones you thought you'd forgotten, but you have to decide, will you say ‘i do’ or will your heart realize what you really want has been there all along? | ( 9.1k, angst, fluff, friends to lovers, steve x you, steve x reader )

L A U G H L I K E L O V E R S, K I S S L I K E F R I E N D S 🎶 cold water swimming, quiet houses

“How about these, dear? Eucalyptus pairs lovely with peonies. Besides, wildflowers for a wedding? In all my years as a planner I’ve never seen it. No one does it. It's just tacky, hon.”

Twirling the stem of a daisy between your fingers you bit the inside of your cheek, only half hearing the woman standing next to you among all the buckets and vases of flowers in the greenhouse.

Wildflowers for a wedding? No one does it.

Pulling your eyes off the daisy you forced a smile, “Of course, I’m sorry. Peonies sound great.”

“Wonderful, I’ll add it to the day-of agenda and make sure the florist knows you’ve made up your mind. It’s an excellent choice, one your fiance will be happy with I’m sure.”

Your fiance.

Sam proposed less than a month ago in the kitchen of your little downtown Indianapolis apartment with his grandmother’s ring. A huge, gaudy diamond that made your hands look even smaller than they already were and after you’d called your mom the news had spread like wildfire.

Sam didn’t want to wait, he probably would’ve dragged you down to the courthouse if it hadn’t been for his parents and your mom, but it meant things were moving at the speed of light and you were running to catch up.

When he’d looked up at you, ring box outstretched, you knew what your first thought should’ve been. Tears and overwhelming joy and a resounding Yes! but none of it came. Instead your first thought had been long stalks of grass. The glittering turquoise water of the quarry. Skunky weed and wildflowers and hot, sticky Indiana summers.

Steve.

“Babe, you gotta call the bakery back, the lady doesn’t get it. Idiot,” Sam’s voice cut through into your thoughts and you blinked them away.

“What?”

“The cake? She’s not getting it. I told her we wanted vanilla, like actual vanilla not that imitation shit.”

“Julie’s not an idiot,” your tone grew clipped, short, brow furrowing as you folded your arms across your chest. Julie had lived in Hawkins since before your family moved in across the street from her. The only, and best, bakery in town with the sweetest baker known to man. Julie was a saint.

“Okay, well then you try and explain it to her. I’m done,” Sam huffed, pinching his nose between his fingers and shaking his head. “I’m gonna go get food with my mom. Can’t wait until this is all over,” he grumbled under his breath. “I’ll see you back at the house," and with that he hastily pressed a kiss to your forehead before stalking out of the greenhouse.

“Not really a man’s arena is it,” the planner said giving you an overly sweet smile, “Better to let us take care of it, hm?”

“I guess,” you couldn’t bear to force another smile, “Thanks for your help, but I need to go get ready for tonight. Call me if anything else comes up.”

“On it and don’t you worry, only a few more days. Just think! The happiest day of your life!”

The happiest day of your life.

It sure as hell didn’t didn’t it feel like it.

The high vaulted ceilings in your parents’ living room looked the same as they had when you lived there. Same ugly, bumpy texture and yellowed color, now with a few too-high cobwebs just out of reach hanging in the corners.

The buzz of conversation filling the air around you was incessant, blending and blurring together and making you feel like you were far away. Like you were a spectator and not the bride-to-be and your chest squeezed with nerves. There were so many people packed into the house and as guests hurled their questions at you, your anxiety only grew.

“Oh, sweetie you look amazing! You’ll be a beautiful bride!” “Tell me again, where are you going for your honeymoon?” “Sam is such a catch, does he have any available friends? Just kidding! But seriously?” “Oh my god, look at that ring! He must really love you.”

One of Sam’s cousins had been hammering you with question after question, barely giving you any room to reply and you felt like you were drowning in it. The walls of the living room suddenly felt like they were closing in on you, making you feel claustrophobic and you needed air. Outside. Anything other than this. “Is-is it warm in here?” you stuttered, pulling at the collar of your dress.

“No? What d’you mean–”

“I’m sorry, excuse me,” you didn’t wait for her to finish and instead moved as quickly as you could through the crowd, trying not to project your panic with a fake smile plastered on your lips until you reached the slider door.

“Honey!” your stomach sank. Your mom. “Your aunt and uncle just got here, you need to say hello!”

Looking over your shoulder she was standing with her hands on her hips, brow furrowed in frustration, watching as your fingers gripped the handle of the patio door.

“I know,” your voice was edged with irritation and you bit your tongue. “Please? I just need some air for a minute. I’ll be right back,” and you could tell she didn’t like your answer, but she didn’t fight you on it as you slipped outside, all the noise and voices and music blunted and sliced in half as you shut the door behind you.

Leaning back against the glass, eyes closed, you pulled in a breath of air and let it out slowly. Trying, telling, yourself you had to keep it together. Just a minute out here and you’d feel right as rain. Ready to dive back in.

The happiest day of your life.

“Shouldn’t you be inside?”

Your eyes flew open, an all-too-familiar voice making your heart leap into your throat.

He was sitting on the edge of one of the pool loungers like it was nothing, a few locks of stray hair falling into his eyes, all warm honey and burnt caramel and the boyish grin he was giving you made you feel dizzy. Like it always did.

“I’ve been inside for like two hours,” you shot back, but you couldn’t ever bring yourself to really sound mad at him.

At Steve.

“Well don't sound like you’re having too much fun. Not like you’re getting married in three days or anything,” he teased, scooting over on the lounger, a silent invitation for you to sit next to him and you took it.

“Don’t remind me–” fell out, “–what I mean is–it's just–just planning everything has been...a lot.”

Steve caught your slip up, but didn’t call it out, only humming in reply as he threaded a hand through his hair, watching as you settled down next to him. “I’m about a month late, but congrats,” he offered with a small smile before taking a drink from his beer.

“Oh, yeah. Thanks,” you replied lamely, cheeks flushing when he looked over at you. You were entirely too sober for this. “Here, gimme that,” reaching over you took the beer from his hand, chugging half of it in one go and pulling a laugh out of Steve.

“Jesus,” Steve laughed, amused at you, a sound you’d missed so very much. “Take it easy,” he chided gently, but it was all warm and sticky sweet like popsicles on a hot day and when you gave it back he shook his head.

Silence lingered between you for a moment, the static sound of the pool filter trickling in the background, and your thoughts drifted back to a moment a few years ago. Up in your room while summer spun by outside. The last time he'd been over here. Steve.

Bobbing along to the music coming from your stereo, you crammed the last of your photos into one of the empty supply boxes Steve had brought over from Family Video.

“I wanted to be with you alone and talk about the weather, but traditions I can trace against the child in your face won't escape my attention,” you sang a little off key, giving your shoulders a little shimmy as you turned to grab the pile of books on your bed.

“You keep your distance via the system of touch and gentle persuasion. I'm lost in admiration, could I need you this much?” Steve sang back, browed knitted together in dedication to the bit, hips swaying as he wiped down your dresser. Turning with the roll of paper towels in his hand he held it out to you as the chorus neared, both of you singing horribly.

“Oh, you're wasting my time, you're just, just, just wasting time!”

“God, who’s gonna sing shitty with me when you’re not around?” Steve tossed the roll onto your bed, leaning back against the drawers behind him.

“Robin sucks more than I do,” you shot back, and Steve mumbled in agreement.

“Yeah, but she hates Tears for Fears,” there was a slight whine in his voice that made you look up at him over your box and grin.

“Well then save it for me when I’m back on Christmas break.”

Steve gave you a pout and folded his arms over his chest, “That’s like, a fucking eon from now.”

“It’s not that long,” you moved around the other side of your bed to sit in front of him, a small pause swallowing you both into silence.

Clearing your throat you dropped your gaze down your shoes, kicking them in time with the song still playing in the background. You glanced over at Steve’s dirty, beat up Blazers and smiled. “I guess I’ll miss you,” you teased, looking back up at him and he gave you a smile, but it softened the longer he looked at you.

“I know I’ll miss you,” he said, and you knew he meant it, and your heart fluttered in your chest like a bird caught in a cage as the air around you grew thick with words unsaid, but implied. Steve took a step away from the dresser, standing in the V of your legs, hand moving to lift your chin up with his thumb and forefinger.

You bit your bottom lip between your teeth, meeting his gaze, and everything felt hazy. “Miss you too, Stevie,” you murmured and he leaned down slowly. Tilting your chin ever so gently he hesitated for just a second before pressing his lips against yours. Your room and half-packed boxes and everything fell away in the warm, glittering feeling of Steve and summer and the last of the light falling through your window washed you both in gold like it wanted to hold you in that moment forever.

“How long are you in town for?” your voice broke the silence between you and Steve took another drink of his beer.

“Just til the day after the wedding, need to get back to things,” he said softly, stealing a look at you out of the corner of his eye, smiling at the way your nose scrunched up when you were thinking, “You look really pretty by the way.”

Your cheeks warmed and you stole a look at him too, “You have to say that.”

“No I don’t. I do on your wedding day, but this is a freebie,” he teased, trying to make it seem lighter than it was, but you both knew the weight it carried.

“Babe, c’mon. You gotta get back inside. It’s rude. People are looking for you,” the sudden sound of Sam’s voice sliced your moment in two and Steve sat up straight, leaning away from you as he rubbed the back of his neck.

“Alright, I just needed some air,” your voice sounded tired and Steve caught the look in your eyes as you roughed your hands over your face, “I’m coming.”

“Harrington,” Sam sniped, and Steve gave him a big smile, knowing just how much the other man hated finding the two of you sitting together.

“Sammy,” Steve teased and you had to bite back a laugh, hiding it in a cough, but Sam knew.

“I fuckin’ hate that,” Sam gave Steve a look and he just smiled.

“I think it’s cute,” you chimed in, but knew you should’ve kept it to yourself when Sam glared daggers at you.

“Inside,” he said, patience short, and you felt your own run out as you glared right back, but moved toward the slider door anyway.

“I’ll see you,” you told Steve and just before you slipped back into the chaos, he gave you a look. The same one you remembered from that hot summer evening in your room as you packed your life into boxes. A look that put fire to the embers lying dormant in your chest and something you thought had been extinguished flickered back to life.

“Sam, hurry up, we’re going to be late!”

“I’m trying. You know how much I hate being outside. These stupid boots are too tight and–” Sam grunted, leaning over to tug at his socks, “–these are itchy as hell.”

“You don’t have to wear them, but your legs are gonna get bit up and scratched on the trail,” you shook your head, yanking your own worn-in boots onto your feet.

“Bit? Are you kidding me?”

“What? It’s summer, there are a ton of bugs out right now.”

Sam sucked in a breath and put his face in his hands, standing on the other side of the bed from you. He’d agreed to it at first, thought maybe it might be a quaint little jaunt through a park, but when he realized it was an actual hike up the bluff just outside Hawkins – in nature – he’d thrown a fit.

It was one of your favorite places, a special piece of home, and you were going to go with or without him.

“Just stay home, Sam. It’s fine,” you huffed, kicking your suitcase shut, tugging your ponytail through the back of your baseball cap.

“You know what? Maybe I will. This whole place is too much. Jason’ll get beers with me,” he growled under his breath, yanking his boots off to get to his socks, “Enjoy your hike.”

“Great, thanks, will do,” you almost left the room without saying goodbye, but something made you hesitate and you paused for a second at the door, eyes squeezed shut. Why was everything so damn hard? This was supposed to be easy.

The happiest day of your life.

Resigned, you turned around and retraced the few steps over to Sam. “I’ll see you when we’re back,” you muttered, bending down and brushing a hasty kiss to his cheek.

“See you,” he didn’t meet your gaze, instead scowling at the ground and it was the push you needed to leave, the weight on your shoulders lifting as you hurried down the stairs and out the door.

The sun was just coming up, painting the sky cotton candy pinks and blurred warm tangerines. You could feel the heat already and as you got out of your car at the bluff the feeling of the sun on your bare legs pulled a heavy sigh from your lungs. Breathing out the stress and pressure of the last few days and you closed your eyes for a minute, leaning against the warmth of your car.

It would be okay. Today was for you. This was for you.

Opening them again you heard another car rumbling up the dirt road behind you and when you turned around you grinned so big your cheeks started to hurt.

“OH MY GOD,” Robin squealed. She practically leapt out of the backseat of Steve’s BMW and ran over to you, gathering you up in her arms and squeezing tight. “What the hell! You look amazing! Shit. Is this like, pre-wedding glow or did you stop eating meat or something? I hear it’s like, totally bad for your skin.”

“Robin,” Steve shook his head as he shut his car door before walking around to get Robin’s too.

“What? All legitimate questions! Right, Eds?” she shot back.

“I mean, not the first thing I’d ask,” Eddie replied with a grin, but you could hear the softness of him behind it.

“Alright, well I wouldn’t expect you to know anyway. Weddings are like a foreign language to you plebs,” Robin said simply, clicking her fanny pack around her waist.

“Hey, that’s not fair, I know enough,” Steve chimed in, propping a hand on his hip and giving Robin a look.

“Children, not about us today!” Eddie chided, following after Robin and gathering you up into one of his bear hugs. “Hi, sweetheart,” he held you out at arm’s length and gave you a warm Eddie smile.

“Hi,” you grinned back, the happiest you’d been in days just listening to the comforting sound of your friends bickering, “Missed you.”

“Mmm, you too,” Eddie hummed, shooting a quick glance over at Steve. “Some of us more than others,” he said a bit quieter, bringing his eyes back to you and you felt your cheeks flush.

“Okay, hike?” you deflected, then accusingly looked back at Eddie, “You’re not still smoking are you?”

“Only on Wednesdays,” he flipped back casually, but you knew he was full of shit.

“Munson, you’re a horrible liar,” Steve drawled, rolling his eyes, starting the walk to the edge of the bluff. “Nance and Jonathan are already at the top,” he said over his shoulder, “Jonathan wanted to get a time lapse of the sunrise.”

“Oh, sick,” Eddie clapped his hands, “I gotta see it. C’mon, Buckley get with it.” He waved an arm forward, pulling Robin into a jog and you shook your head with a soft laugh as you caught up with Steve. Starting up the bluff two by two.

The sounds of everything coming to life swirled around the four of you as you walked. The buzz of the insects, birds chirping their morning songs and tractors rumbling to life in the fields alongside the bluff.

Home.

“God, the last time we were up here was so Dustin could talk to Suzie,” Steve half-laughed, Eddie and Robin walking just ahead of you. You grinned at the memory.

“Oh no,” you shook your head, “They might be worse than we are at singing.”

“Didn’t think it was possible to be honest,” he teased gently, smiling over at you, looking for a long moment before dropping his gaze back down to his feet.

You could feel his eyes on you and the warmth of it filled you up and spilled over at the edges, making you happier than you’d been in a long time and a tiny pinch of guilt squeezed in your chest.

“Thanks for getting up so early,” you exhaled, breaths getting heavier as the incline of the bluff steepened, Steve pulling in a breath next to you.

“Oh, I don’t think I’ve slept in since high school,” he waved you off, “Managing a store’s got me up ass early every day. Besides, wouldn’t miss it.” Arms swinging at your sides, his fingers brushed against yours as you walked and the embers in your chest glowed bright.

“Yeah,” you sighed, wishing that for once Sam had come along. That he’d put even a little bit of effort into your interests. That he’d care even a fraction of what Steve cared and the embers flickered again with your frustration.

“You two are slow as hell!” Eddie teased and when you looked up you saw he and Robin had been moving much faster than you and Steve. “I’m smoking a victory cigarette at the top!” he yelled and Robin smacked him, both of them dissolving into laughter.

“C’mon, that asshole doesn’t need another cigarette,” Steve’s brow furrowed in frustration and he picked up the pace, pulling you along with him as he lengthened his stride.

Jonathan and Nancy were waiting for the four of you at the top and, much to Eddie’s dismay, Robin beat him by a couple of feet, stealing his cigarettes and jamming them into her fanny pack as punishment.

Jonathan had asked Nancy to marry him two years ago now, Christmas eve under the tree at the farm and they’d eloped that spring there on top of the bluff. It had been a small, but sweet ceremony, with only family and close friends. Perfectly Nance and Jonathan and as you thought back on it your stomach twisted with a longing feeling.

As you sat scattered among the long grass in pairs – Eddie and Robin, Nancy and Jonathan, you and Steve – a breeze picked up and blew through the wildflowers around you, taking then with it and you watched as the buttercups danced in the wind.

You wanted wildflowers. Not peonies and eucalyptus.

“Hey, where’d you go?” Steve’s voice pulled you out of your thoughts and you looked over at him, sat close enough to you in the grass that you could see all the little moles and freckles that dotted down the line of his jaw, his neck, the exposed skin along the top of his shirt.

“Flowers,” fell out and you didn’t shy away from him, meeting his gaze.

“Flowers?” he asked, brow knitting together in confusion.

“Stupid flowers. And cake. And nature and socks and–”

“Whoa, whoa, whoa. Slow down. What are you talking about?” Steve scooted closer to you, your legs pressing together as you sat facing each other and he put a hand on your knee.

Your throat tightened and you felt tears pricking at the corners of your eyes, but you willed them away. Not here. You didn’t mean it.

“Hey,” he said softer, hand lifting from your knee to press into yours and you blinked hastily, pulling in a breath to steady yourself.

“I don’t know,” you started, closing your eyes for a minute, trying to ground yourself. “I just–I thought this would be easier. We’re supposed to be in love and planning this should be fun, but it sucks and he–” catching yourself you looked back up at Steve and felt him squeeze your hand. “I’m sorry, it’s just stress. I shouldn’t–”

“You don’t have to apologize,” Steve said, thumb brushing over the bump of your knuckles, soft and warm and reassuring.

He was looking at you again like he had at the welcome party, like you were the only thing that existed in that moment and you felt yourself moving closer, your legs hovering over his with the lack of space.

“I wish Sam would look at me like that,” you whispered and Steve’s lips parted in surprise, anticipation grabbing hold of both of you as the wind picked up again.

“He’s an idiot if he doesn’t,” Steve whispered back, leaning closer still and you could feel his breath as it warmed over your cheek. The scent of his shampoo and spearmint gum and cedar and wildflowers flooding your brain and making everything feel hazy. His eyes all bright amber and flecks of gold in the sun. Closer and closer and closer and–

“Harrington! You left the food in the car!”

Leaning back from each other you felt the tension shatter with the bark of Eddie’s voice and you leapt to your feet.

“God, what a dingus,” Robin grumbled, “Now we gotta go back down.”

“Hey,” Steve scrambled to his feet ignoring them, grabbing your hand in his, “Are you okay?”

“Yeah, yeah I’m fine. I just–I forgot I have to meet with the baker today about the cake this morning.”

“Oh,” Steve’s expression was edged with concern and he let your hand drop as the others started moving to the top of the trail.

“Rehearsal dinner is tonight right?” Robin asked offhandedly, grabbing a piece of licorice from her fanny pack.

“You have licorice in there and didn’t offer me any?” Eddie accused.

“Yeah, tonight at seven at Hop and Joyce’s farm,” you said, trying to sound casual, but the warm feeling of Steve was still holding you tightly.

“Open bar?” Eddie grinned.

“Oh my god, Munson. Shut up,” Robin chided, shoving him as they all wandered down the path in a line, you and Steve bringing up the rear.

“Course it’s open bar,” you tried to laugh, but it fell short, everything feeling like it was crumbling now.

The breeze picked up, swirling around your feet, carrying spearmint and Steve’s shampoo and boy with it and as you watched the bachelor buttons sway with the wind you felt a thought gnawing at the back of your mind.

What if.

There was still time.

Nothing’s permanent.

People change their minds all the time and…

Come over here. All you've got is this moment, twenty-first century's yesterday. You can care all you want, everybody does, yeah, that's okay.

“Chug, chug, chug!” “Don’t be a pussy, Jason!” “No way, he’s too old!”

It felt like you were back in high school throwing a rager over at Tina Rochester’s house not having drinks after your rehearsal dinner, but after most of the ‘adults’ had all gone home things got carried away.

Hop and Joyce’s farm was far enough outside of town that the noise wouldn’t bother anyone and thank god because it was loud. Maybe open bar hadn’t been the best idea, but Sam was having a great time, smiling and laughing for once and you didn’t fight it. You were having fun too.

“Ohhh! He did it!!” “Get that man a medal!”

Jason Carver, Sam’s best man, crushed his empty beer can under his foot to whoops and hollers. You weren’t sure who started it, but someone had told someone else they could shotgun a beer faster and it spiraled from there. Sam was in his element, partying alongside the other ex-basketball players, and for a minute you felt like maybe things would be okay.

Gathering you up in his arms, Sam spun you in a circle, pressing his lips messy and drunk against your cheek. “God, babe. Should be illegal to look that good,” he slurred into your ear, arms still holding you tight as he lowered you slowly back to the ground.

A grin tugged at the corners of your lips. “Gonna write me a ticket?” you teased and he reached a hand around to grab at your ass.

“Maybe I will,” he breathed and you felt a shiver run down your spine, but then a voice pulled him away.

“Sam? Oh my god!”

Carol and Tommy. Great.

“Carol?? I didn’t think y’all were getting here til tomorrow! Tommy, you look like shit,” Sam barked a laugh and lunged at his old friend, grabbing him around the waist and pushing him across the patio.

“Fuck off, you’re one to talk,” Tommy growled back, digging his hands into Sam’s ribs and both of them fell back into their old selves. Talking about a couple of friends that had gone pro, work, what married life was like for Tommy and Carol.

“Babe, go get me another beer, huh?” Sam said over his shoulder and you rolled your eyes, but giving Carol a quick hug you made your way over to the keg.

Priming the tap you started to pour beer into a cup, but it sputtered and choked before spilling foam and you frowned. “Piece of shit,” kicking the keg you shook the garbage can it was sitting in and tried again, but this time nothing came out.

“Need a hand?”

Eyes still on the keg you sighed, a smile pulling at the corners of your lips as you dumped the foam in your cup onto the ground. “Tapped already,” you grumbled, turning around to see Steve grinning at you, hands jammed in his pockets, tie loose and hanging around his neck and you swore he was the most handsome human being you’d ever laid eyes on.

“Hmm, I don’t think so,” he took the last few steps toward you and primed the tap again, giving the keg one firm shake, and grabbed the cup from you. Foam started coming out and you jammed your tongue into your cheek.

“Ha! Told you–”

But then the foam turned into cold, amber beer, and you clamped your mouth shut.

“You were saying?” Steve teased and you shoved him, spilling some of the beer that he’d just poured into your cup on the ground. “Hey! You’re a menace,” he chided softly, shouldering you back, but grabbing the spout again he filled the cup once more and handed it back to you.

“Thanks,” you muttered, glancing over at him as you took a sip.

“Sam seems to be having a good time,” he commented, finding a cup of his own and filling it.

“Yeah, right back to high school.” You watched as your fiance, Tommy, and Jason all snickered and laughed at each other, talking about ‘the good old’ days, and your smile fell.

You couldn’t remember the last time he laughed like that with you. When he was drinking he got more handsy, liked to keep you close to his side and brag about how you were about to get married, but nothing about how hard you worked or the fact that you were saving up to buy a place.

“I dunno,” Steve sighed, taking a drink of his beer, “I don’t miss it.”

“Me either,” you agreed, glancing up at him, and your heart stopped.

God he was pretty. The string of lights that wound around the property washed him in a warm glow. Hair falling out of place as the night spun on, the line of his jaw cast in half light, dark and strong, the long sweep of his lashes as he blinked and looked down at you, the way his lips pulled up into that smile.

“What?” Steve asked, tone amused and playful and your eyes grew wide.

“What?” you echoed stupidly.

Steve laughed and gave you a lopsided smile. “You tell me, you’re the one zoning out,” he teased and your cheeks flushed.

“Oh, n-nothing,” you stumbled over your words and quickly filled the silence with another gulp of beer.

“Okay, well when it comes back to you lemme know.” His eyes lingered on yours for just a moment longer and then a look came over him. Like he remembered something. “Oh, hey. C’mere a minute,” and then he was grabbing your hand and pulling you around the side of the barn.

As he pulled you into motion you felt just how buzzed you were and a giggle pushed itself through your lips. “What the hell are we doing?” you asked, Steve loosing a laugh of his own as he yanked you both to a stop a few yards away from the party out in the long grass of Hop’s field.

“There,” he said pointing up and you followed the line of his arm into the sky until your eyes landed on it.

“Oh,” you breathed, pulling your gaze back to Steve as he looked up into the inky black expanse of the Indiana night. He was just how you remembered him. Hair messed, all boyish and eyes full of wonder and curiosity, just like he’d been those years ago that night in his backyard while you floated in his pool.

“Yeah, that one. Right there,” Steve swam closer to you, grabbing your arm, fingers folding yours in to make a point and tugging it up over your head.

Your breath hitched in your throat as his legs brushed against yours under the water and it took everything you had in you to pull your eyes from him to look up.

“See it?”

“That one?” you asked, pointing on your own, and he nodded as your eyes trailed up the line of your arm to land on an especially bright star.

“Mmhm,” Steve murmured and all you wanted was to look at him again, so you did. “While you’re gone you can just look up at that at night and think of me,” he said matter-of-fact, giving you one of his lopsided grins.

“What if we’re not looking at the same time?”

“I’ll always be looking,” Steve’s voice was barely above a whisper and the way he looked at you made you feel like you might melt. Blinking water from your lashes you lifted a hand to his cheek and at your touch his hands slipped along the bare skin of your waist, sliding down to your hips as he slowly pulled you into him.

The pool filter was humming heavy between the all crickets and frogs and lightning bugs, but you knew the thudding of your heartbeat was louder than all of it.

Wrapping your legs around Steve’s torso, you laced your fingers at the back of his neck, wanting him closer and tighter. Hair messed and flat against his forehead, his lips were parted as he breathed you in, water dripping off the end of his nose and eyes glittering in the pool lights, burnt caramel and honey and if he hadn’t been holding onto you, you would’ve floated away.

His fingers pressed into the soft skin at your hips and you sucked in a small gasp.

“Sorry,” he whispered, and you shook your head in reply. It’s okay. And then he gently pressed his thumb to the corner of your lips, swallowing against his nerves, and asked, “Can I kiss you?”

Heart racing, fingers still tangled at the back of his neck you whispered, “Yes.”

“Remember when we found it?”

Steve’s question brought you hurtling back to the present and you shook your head, heart racing in your chest like it had that night in his pool. “Of course I remember,” you murmured, and you knew you were crossing a line, knew you shouldn’t have done it, knew Sam was just around the other side of the barn, but something in you snapped. Shifted. Decided it didn’t care and you took Steve’s hand in yours.

His eyes flicked down to where they were joined and then back up to you, “But–”

“We’re friends,” you reasoned softly, “Friends hold hands.”

“Are we?” he asked and you swore you felt your heart crack as your fingers scrambled to tangle up with his.

“Yeah. Yes. We are,” your words came spilling out, the beer spidering warm and hazy through your body as you tried to justify your action and Steve’s brows furrowed as he dropped his gaze.

“I should go,” he said and regret gripped you like a vice.

“Don’t, please don’t,” your tone was almost pleading, watching as Steve’s eyes fluttered shut for a moment, working through his own decision and you thought for a minute he would cave like he always did for you, but then his hand was untangling from yours and the ache in your chest was almost enough to pull tears from your eyes.

“You’re getting married tomorrow,” he said, voice thick and low, and when he opened his eyes finally to look at you, you saw a thousand I’m sorrys, all the regret and lingering kisses on hot summer nights and promises whispered in the dark and you shook your head.

“But it’s not–we can’t–please stay,” nothing you said made sense and Steve ran a hand through his hair, pulling his lip between his teeth.

“Get some sleep. I’ll see you at the church.”

And as you watched his figure walk away, silhouetted and dark against the indigo sky, your star blinking bright above you, you felt tears finally well up and spill down your cheeks.

Sucking in a breath you turned back to the the wide open expanse of field behind you and buried your face in your hands, trying to calm down, willing the tears to stop, telling yourself that you loved Sam. You were getting married. The ring on your finger a constant reminder of what was supposed to happen tomorrow and when you finally lifted your head from your hands your eyes fell on a bright patch there in the field at your feet.

Wildflowers.

Walking back to the party felt like a blur, Steve’s words playing over and over in your mind, and when you came back into the glow of the strung up lights your eyes searched frantically for Sam. If you could just hold his hand, pull him in close you’d know you loved him. Would know you wanted to marry him, but he wasn’t there and everything felt like it was unraveling.

“Hey, are you okay?” Robin’s hand was at your elbow and when you looked up at her, her brow furrowed with worry. “Whoa, what happened?”

“I just need to find Sam, have you seen him?”

“Yeah, yeah I think he was just over here, c’mon. Are you sure you’re okay?”

“I just need Sam,” you choked out, Robin’s hand grabbing yours and pulling you along.

“Okay, we’ll find him, it’ll be okay.”

And as you rounded the corner into the quiet of the barn you heard hushed voices. Robin flicked on the overhead lighting to reveal Carol and Sam talking, huddled close to one another and your heart stopped in your chest.

“Wha–Sam? Carol?”

Carol’s eyes went wide and she took a couple steps back, giving you one of her smiles, all flimsy and saccharine sweet. “Oh my god, we thought you left!” she exclaimed, trying a laugh and you heard Robin mumble something under her breath next to you.

“Well, I didn’t. It’s my rehearsal dinner.”

“Babe, we were just trying to plan a surprise for you. For tomorrow, that’s all,” Sam said, taking the few steps toward you, taking your hand in his, but you felt sick to your stomach. You knew that look in his eye, his tone of voice overcompensating for something, lying.

“Yeah! Totally,” Carol said a little too enthusiastically and Robin had had enough.

“Oh my god, totally great!” she mocked, throwing one of Carol’s empty smiles back at her before taking your hand. “It’s super late, Carol. Time to go,” this time Robin’s voice was void of all joking and the look she gave the other girl was enough to push her to leave.

“Absolutely, sure thing. See you tomorrow! Can’t wait,” she purred, but her smile faltered as she met your gaze, walking quickly back out into the night.

“Babe, we really were planning a surprise, I–I just want tomorrow to be perfect,” Sam took your hand from Robin, shouldering her out of the way and she scoffed, still lingering in case you needed her.

“In here? In the dark?” your voice wobbled a bit as you realized what you were implying and Sam squeezed your hand, but it felt suffocating not warm or safe like Steve and you pulled it away. “I’m gonna go home, get some sleep.”

“Of course, baby. Whatever you need,” Sam crowded around you, rubbing your shoulders and pressing a kiss to the nape of your neck, but you didn’t want any of it and shrugged him off.

“Can you give me a ride, Robs?” you asked, pulling away from Sam, your feet not moving you fast enough.

“Yeah, yeah I can give you a ride,” Robin took your hand again, Sam finding himself alone in the wide expanse of the barn on the eve of your wedding.

The happiest day of your life.

“Listen, can I tell you something?” Robin said shifting into park as she turned down the radio and idled in your parents’ driveway.

“Sure,” your voice was small, timid, not you as your thoughts still lingered on what Steve had said. What Sam and Carol had looked like huddled close together in Hop’s barn. Asking yourself why. Asking yourself what you really wanted.

“I don’t think you should get married.”

Your head whipped up from your lap, brows knitted together. “What?”

“I don’t think you should get married,” Robin said again voice softer this time, knowing the weight it carried as she let it settle in the car between you.

“It’s literally happening tomorrow. What d’you mean don’t get married,” you were scrambling now, afraid of what would happen if you let her woods take root, the doubt that had been hovering deep down now pushing itself front and center.

“People do it all the time–”

“No, they don’t!” tears were welling up against your lashes, your face growing hot, willing yourself not to fall apart.

“Okay! Okay, I’m sorry. Of course I’m gonna support you no matter what you decide,” Robin quickly recovered, grabbing your hands in hers as her expression softened. “Just–” a small sigh escaped her and she squeezed your hand, “–I want you to be happy. That’s all. Are you happy?”

Are you happy?

Robin looked at you, eyes wide, hands still holding onto yours and you felt yourself wrestling with the three simple words she’d thrown at you. Swallowing thickly, you couldn’t meet her gaze and pulled your hands away, grabbing at the door handle.

“I’m happy, I am,” and even you knew how flimsy it sounded, but your friend didn’t push you on it.

“Okay, okay. See you in the morning,” Robin said softly and all you could do was nod in reply before shutting the door and hurrying up the walk and into your parents’ house.

You didn’t bother showering as you moved quickly up the stairs to your room, not wanting to face your parents, not like this. Quietly shutting your door you felt the sob in your chest clawing its way up your throat and you tried to swallow it down as you threw back your covers and hid in the deep pile of blankets. You thought for a split second to call Sam over at Jason’s, ask him if he really loved you, if he still wanted to go through with this, but you buried your face into your pillow and tried to push your thoughts away.

Doubt had started blooming in the pit of your stomach from the moment you’d said yes, but it had just felt like the next right thing. Felt like you were supposed to. Date your boyfriend for a couple of years, move in together, get married. Right? But the things you tried hard to ignore kept bubbling up.

Your hesitation when Sam first asked you out. Your trips home on breaks and seeing Steve. The feelings you wrestled with when you saw him. When he talked to you and listened, really listened and looked at you. How it felt like a giant weight being lifted from your shoulders without Sam there.

Your first fight with Sam over money. How he spent so much of it going out with his friends. How you knew they stayed out late and talked to other girls. The high he got from it too much to stop him from doing it. The smell of the other girls on his clothes.

The first time he cheated on you and begged you to take him back. How the first person you wanted to call was Steve, but you called Robin instead.

And now the planning. All the disagreements and arguing and fighting and you were exhausted and he couldn’t even keep away from other women, from Carol, still after all that time.

Are you happy?

Robin’s question looped in your head and you knew the real answer.

No. But then…

Tap. Tap, tap tap.

Peeking your head out from under your covers your ears strained, trying to decide what it was you’d heard. Then it happened again.

Tap, tap. Tap.

There was only one thing that could make that sound, an all too familiar one that pulled forth a flood of precious, happy memories.

Rocks on your window.

Steve.

Crawling out of your bed you hurried to your window and yarded it open, sticking your head out and looking down like you’d done hundreds of times before. “Steve?” you hissed into the dark, and as the wind blew the clouds away from the moon, it shone down on the lawn below you washing Steve in soft light.

“Can I come up?”

You bit your bottom lip between your teeth, but knew there was no debate. “Yeah, hurry up,” and you moved out of the way as he started climbing the gutter before you’d even said yes.

Stumbling in through the open window Steve straightened up and dusted off his old, faded Hawkins High Athletics shirt, a pair of grey sweatpants hanging on his hips, the same pair of dirty, beat up Blazers on his feet.

“Hi,” he said awkwardly, tongue jammed into his cheek as he rubbed the back of his neck.

“Hi?” it came out expectantly, a question, but you couldn’t hide the relief in your voice at the sight of him standing there in your room.

“Listen, I just wanted to say sorry. For earlier,” he said, walking to your bed and plopping down on the messed up covers.

“Oh, that’s okay, I shouldn’t have–”

“Just let me apologize,” he said shaking his head with a half laugh, expression mismatched as it twisted with something between regret and care.

So you listened and kept your mouth shut, instead deciding to settle down next to him on your bed, thighs pressed together on the small twin sized mattress. Silence lingered for a minute, but the air was heavy, loaded, like how it felt right before a thunderstorm. The sky holding its breath before opening up and pouring rain, cracking the sky in half with bright streaks of light.

You both stole a look at the same time and it pulled a smile from each of you, tiny breathy laughs falling from your lips, but when it quieted again the tension flooded back in.

“Do you love him?” Steve broke the quiet and you felt your chest tighten. When you hesitated he grabbed your hand in his. “Do you?”

Your pulse fluttered against your neck, your mouth opening and closing like a fish out of water and stumbling and choking on your words, but you knew the answer. You both did. You’d just admitted it to yourself before Steve had fallen through your window and the familiar feeling of panic started to creep in around you, flinging you back to right before you’d left home again. Before you met Sam.

“Steve! Wait!”

You were practically running after him as he stalked back to his car, the sky on fire with the sunset and streaked in cherry reds, sunflower yellows, and bright tangerine.

He fumbled with his keys and dropped them into the grass at his feet, “Shit.”

“Please, just wait,” you were out of breath as you finally reached him and you saw his frame crumple as he loosed a sigh.

“Jesus, what?” his tone was short, clipped as he stared through his car window, your reflection playing against the glass.

“It’s only for another year, it’s not like I’m gonna be gone for–”

“Yeah! Another year!” Steve spun around to face you, cheeks red and lips pulled down into a frown, a muddied mixture of sadness and anger swimming in his eyes. “Just admit it, you don’t wanna come back here, and that’s fine! But don’t make me wait. Please don’t make me wait anymore. It–” Steve choked on his words and dropped his eyes to his feet, biting on the inside of his cheek to blunt the feelings swelling his chest. “It hurts. To sit and wait here for you. Please,” his voice edged on pleading and you felt tears prick at the corners of your eyes.

“It’ll work! It’s just a little longer–”

Steve took a step into you, crowding over you, and you felt your heart stutter in your chest at the closeness of him. He lifted a hand to your cheek, his brows pulling together as he looked down at you, eyes searching yours. “Then be with me. If it’s not that long then be with me. Long distance for a little while until you’re done with school,” he said, voice barely above a whisper.

“Steve. I can’t–” your throat tightened around what you were about to say, scared of what that commitment looked like, scared to fuck it up between you, scared to lose your best friend, but your hesitation broke it anyway.

He dropped his hand away from your cheek, tongue flicking out to run along his lips as he held back his anger. His sadness. Frustration. Snatching his keys from the grass he unlocked the driver side door and flung it open rough.

“No! Wait! I just mean–”

“No!” he shouted into his car and then lowered his voice, tears streaming silently down his cheeks, “No. No more. Good luck with…everything.” And he piled into his car, slamming the door shut and ignoring your cries as you crowded against his window, asking him to stay. To talk about it. To figure things out, but he shifted it in drive and took off down your driveway and into the night.

You weren’t going to fuck it up. Not again.

“No,” and as your admission left your lips the heavy weight that had settled on your shoulders over the last two years started to melt away. “No. I don’t love him.”

Steve’s hold on you tightened, pressing your fingers into his palm and he lifted his free hand to your cheek, eyes searching yours, “Don’t marry him.”

Don’t marry him.

Your breath quickened and you pulled your bottom lip between your teeth, trying to reason out what you’d just decided and you felt anxious, but Steve was there. And your room was warm and safe. Just like it was when you were younger. When you both laughed and traded secrets and made promises to each other in the dark.

“But. The wedding. The flowers, the cake, the guests–”

“Fuck ‘em,” Steve said, still holding onto your hand, and his words swirled around in your head. “It’s only a wedding. This is your life,” brushing the rough pad of his thumb across your cheek you closed your eyes and leaned into his touch, “You’re not happy.”

And you weren’t. You’d had moments with Sam, moments in time where things felt right and like maybe it could be forever, but they were just that. Moments. It shouldn’t be this hard. You’d sacrificed, compromised, bent and twisted yourself to be what Sam wanted, what he needed, not what you wanted and when you finally looked up at Steve you felt tears welling up against your lashes.

“What will my mom say,” your voice wobbled as you tangled your fingers with Steve’s and he gave you a small, reassuring smile.

“She wants you to be happy too. She’ll be okay.”

You were dizzy, hazy with thoughts of not being engaged anymore, buzzing with the anticipation of what this decision meant. Of what it held. What the future could be and you looked back up at Steve, tears started to quietly spill down your cheeks and his hand was quick to gently wipe them away. You shook your head, holding your breath, and when you let it go everything came tumbling out.

“I’m sorry, I’m sorry for making you wait. For hurting you. For everything–”

“Shh, it’s okay,” Steve softly chided, but you pressed on.

“No, no it’s my turn,” you said, voice thick through your tears, and then you turned to cup Steve’s face in your hands. A small smile pulled up at the corners of your mouth even through your crying and you pulled in a breath, “I love you, Stevie. I always have.”

The look on his face then was one of pure adoration, of relief, and he gave you a smile back, “I know. I love you too.”

I love you too.

Pulling him into you, you felt the soft warmth of his breath across your cheek, the smell of his shampoo and fresh laundry flooding your senses. Hesitating, waiting for him to tell you it was okay and he silently answered you by leaning in and closing the gap between your lips, pressing his softly into yours.

It was slow and languid, a thousand I love yous. Years of want and aching set free into the dark of your room as you breathed each other in like air. The feeling of Steve scattering you out into the stars to live with the one you’d deemed as yours, falling between all the glittering constellations and floating in each other.

I love you too.

Reluctantly Steve pulled away from you, eyes fluttering open to look into yours and he took hold of your waist. “Run away with me,” he whispered.

Your brows pulled together, “Run away?”

“Yeah. Right now. Throw your suitcase in my car and we’ll just drive. Get away from everything, just for a little while until you’re ready.”

Mind racing, working through the logistics of what he was suggesting, you almost protested, but something in you fought back. Told you to listen to your heart, not your head. What did you want? What would make you happy?

“Okay.”

“Really?” Steve’s face lit up at your response, like he hadn’t expected it, and you felt your lips pull up into a smile, tears drying on your cheeks as you let the feeling swallow you up in its warmth. The embers in your chest crackling and flickering with life, with a fire that burned only for him.

“Yeah, yeah I don’t care. I just want to be with you,” you felt yourself grow more and more confident, more decided and Steve pulled you in again to press another kiss to your lips. This time it was hotter, bolder, a confession of passion and you grinned into him.

“C’mon, if we go now we can get coffee at that shitty diner just off the highway outside of town,” he was grinning now too.

“They make the best pancakes,” you laughed softly and Steve’s smile melted as he looked at you.

Finally.

He helped you gather your things, carrying your suitcase out to his car, and you felt like you could fly. Lighter than you’d been in years and the thought of just driving down the road with him filled you with warmth. Like watching the sun set at the end of a hot summer day. Like dipping your feet in the pool after sitting in the heat. Sweet like the taste that followed after a tart drink of lemonade.

You left your engagement ring on your dresser, a small folded note under it for Sam telling him sorry. Telling him you hoped he would find what he wanted. That you knew he’d be okay. And as you closed the door to your parents’ house you felt like you were closing that chapter. Ready to start new. To free fall into this open-ended story with Steve and as you settled into his car your eyes caught a small patch of lawn on the side of your house. Bright and soft in the moonlight and full of color.

Wildflowers.

crappymixtape™ • steve harrington masterlist // stranger things masterlist

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cutieeva · 3 months

Text

Honey Comb Trap

Female Reader

Warnings : Manipulation. Obsessive behaviors. Brainwashing. Attempt child harming. Childbirth. Murder. Torture.

𝐒𝐘𝐍𝐎𝐏𝐒𝐈𝐒

(Y/N) believed herself to be fortune not only did she wished to have a happy ending of her future love story, she also got the best husband she ever knew existed in real life apart from fictions and dramas she grew up watching. He is sweet, sweet like the honey she loves to indulge in very much yet why does that seems dangerous suddenly ?

Love

Marriage

These two words are intertwined to each other always. Many questions arise in one's mouth hearing the word love following with 'When are you goona marry ?' And if the word marriage following questions asked 'Do you love your partner ?' These are universal vital question any adult would ask to another they care about because these words are connected. Not only love brings marriage for sake to never be separated and be together forever but also that brings the families of lovers together and this is where the word family enters.

Love, marriage, family. Not only marriage beings lover closer only for the couple to craft a little family of theirs but also it brings the families of the couple becoming a joint bigger family where supposed strangers become intertwined to one another. It could be a very positive or negative result depending on the situation. And very fortunely for (Y/N), the order of love, marriage and family were in right orders in the most wholesome way possible. She still to this day recalls the moment where she was at a art gallery smitten by the most beautiful of paints and sculptures of old figures only to met a emerald eyes man unbeknownst he is the future husband of hers for eternity. A lover unlike the prince charming that sweep her feet off nor a knight shining armor always there to protect or a villain who would burn the world for her rather he is much more sweeter, gentler and kinder. He is a wealthy man who's always cut the crust of her breads she doesn't like to eat, always orders food properly instructing her allergies, checks her water temperature, not let her soak in the rain longer, stands at her at any arguments yet teach her the mistakes of her anger in private, calms her down and most importantly loves her only like no other.

He is the epitome of perfect husband but in genuine ways. He has his own set of temper but he never takes on her, he has his shameful moment yet he learns from it. Nevertheless in her eyes he is the most perfect person to ever prevail upon. So, after their sweetest marriage, spending three years with the man her heart belongs to, she was pleasantly surprised with the little guest arriving to become their family.

"Asher ! I am pregnant !" (Y/N) jumped into the embrace of her beautiful husband bursting the amazing surpise.

However all (Y/N) felt was paused actions, unreturned embrace and blank stare. Nervous creeping into her as she let her husband go watching as the blank stare crumble into one of a astonished.

"W-hat are you saying ?" He stuttered.

"I am pregnant". Breathlessly she whispered after all it was bound to happen when they let her birth controls free and his condoms to rot in trash.

Finally his husband's turn into the expression she hopped to and was hit by relief seeing his smile lift into most widest she ever saw alike of the one when she said yes to be his girlfriend, soon his hands held her figure and swing into the air and spinning into the joys of laughter.

"O my god. What a happiest news you told me. I am goona be a dad". Asher without letting her feet touch the ground, touch her back of nape and kissed her until air become a need. "You are goona be a mom". He rest his temple onto hers to which she nod.

"We are goona be the best parents". She thought.

And this was proven more when she noticed from that day on he rarely let her do the only kitchen duties she adores and plop her on bed for twenty four hours watching something she desires, eating and let all the chores to the countless servants they have and (Y/N) openly loved it because this only shows how much he cares for her making her fall with him little more daily.

Even the usual meeting he has with his company has drastically decreased only spending time cuddling her, resting his head on her chest and staring at her growing stomach.

"How much would your stomach grow ?" She chuckles knowing he is the only child of their family and his relatives are rather distant from each other only meeting in parties or any festivals so meeting a pregnant woman is rare for him plus he never pays attentions to any of that making her ponder how he never talk about children unlike other husbands she has seen.

"Not much. It's only been three months". She caress her stomach not noticing his frown. "Do you wanna touch it ?" She hold his wrist tried to place over her stomach but he easily wave away touching her cheek and smiling.

"It's alright. I will meet when they come out". (Y/N) shrugged noticing how not once after she become pregnant. His hands were all over her body expect her stomach albeit she notice him often staring blanking.

"He is scared nothing more". She brush off the gut feeling of how distant he is related to children. Unaware he never wanted children.

After (Y/N) slept. Asher wake up unlocking his phone to search 'Does miscarriage hurts woman psychology or physically'.

Miscarriage is a traumatic event which affects every woman differently, but can lead to grief, anxiety, depression and so on, the words are written that he carefully read searching more and more until his curiosity was satisfied. "Shit ! That means I can't order any servant to miscarriage her". Frustrated and blaming himself of how he never cared to check her monthly period or anything which wouldn't had lead to a parasite taking place. Yes, a parasite is what he ought to like. An unwelcomed creature exhausting his wife that he gave her everything. He slightly doesn't like of anyone entering between them so naturally he doesn't like the idea of children who would snatch his wife away and only be ungrateful in the near future.

A parasite that settle inside his love who's life could be in danger during childbirth and when they grow their minds and sharp tongue to speak hurting things to his wife who's happy enough to gave them a life. "I wasn't at all happy when she announced her pregnancy". He still remembers like an nightmare of how he heard the words he didn't liked in his wife's mouth yet still acted all gleeful to not sadden his beloved. How could he ? Never in million decades would he afford to bring tears on those (E/C) eyes he adores like jewels and he can never images those 'I love you' into 'I hate you' at all. He didn't suffer only to have his wife know his true colors.

He didn't practice the ideal man to be hated by her. He didn't at all lied and beautifully crafted the setting for her to notice him at a art gallery rather than two months ago at a friend's party where she wore the gorgeous fluffy color dress she loves and in that moment he swore the cupid's arrow pierce his chest and written her name over his mind, soul, heart and body. He didn't simply became the gentle ideal man she would like for her to have. He created this whole persona of how supportive he is when she argue with someone and later talk with her when in reality he is clenching his anger and waiting for the right moment to kill the person burning flesh into ashes and bones to grind to the away. He memorized every little likes to dislike, frown to brighten eyes and every single thing. In simply words he unknown to her even made her thought of something that he planted in her mind first before she even came with it.

And this will be her bliss life of obvious. Ignorance is a bliss but his miscalculation was this parasite, now how can he get rid of that without effecting (Y/N)'s bliss life ? "I will see it later". He decided himself exhausted from the constant thinking and smiled contently at his wife's warmth.

"The child is five months and the doctor said it's twins". (Y/N) has begin seeing the signs of her belly evolving larger as the month pass even though this sign sometimes scares her of how much her skin could stretch. Sometimes she also imagine what if the skin brust ? She knows it's silly imagination or at least that what her mother told her though the phone call she seconds ago ended. Currently she is walking out of her room about to walk down the stairs to living room when she saw her husband coming out of his office room too, smiling ear to ear "Asher, dearest !" Yelled his name and stretch her arm to indicate of wanting a embrace when a female servant suddenly in hurry holding a pile of clothes run at her not aware of (Y/N) standing resulting crashing over her.

"ASHER !" She screamed feeling herself falling yet nothing out of her desperate grip came to pull or hold onto only gazing at the emerald eyes of her husband, she fell for. "Why isn't he running towards me ?" A terrifying question came upon her mind as her eyes closed on itself feeling her body to be crash soon that's when a grasp left her lips.

"What !" Her eyes opened in surprised as her husband's strong pair of arms held her waist and pulled before her body could touch the stairs. She blankly stare at Asher who seems oddly calm, holding her tight and bringing her to their shared bedroom.

"Are you alright ?" His eyes moved to her trembling hands and dilating pupils and held breath. "I guess not". He layed her on the soft fabric, covering her with blanket and gave her a glass of water to drink. After the cold touch in contact snap her to speak.

"Weren't you just stood ?" If she recalls correctly he seems to stand and stare at her not at all looked panicked unaware that few minutes ago before saving his wife, a second thought came to his mind.

"This will make the child die for sure". His heart almost dropped when he saw his life almost falling from the stairs yet the dark thoughts of his was gripping him in his place to rot the parasite he despise so much while not getting his hands dirty however.

The curve of her smile when her soft palms rubbed her swollen stomach whispering "I am happy, my love. This child created by us". changed his mind otherwise leading him to save the growing ungrateful brat and his wife.

"I was so shocked that I felt my body wasn't mine anymore". Asher smiled that didn't reach his eyes, glancing at the growing stomach covered by her long flower pattern frock.

"Oh". (Y/N) gulp the water thinking back to the expression he had with dead eyes and pressed thin lips shadowed by his hair. "It was scary". She never saw that expression adored over her husband before concerning yet fluttering her heart warm because that means he cares for her enough to risk everything and try to save her right ? Yes, she believes so.

"P-lease. Forgiv-e me". Pleds of forgiveness echoed the empty space of the nameless female servent he has not care to know name yet Asher express nothing. Like literally nothing of anger, pity, sadness, disgust. He blankly stare at her as his most loyal four men beat her at his orders without question and quick. Maybe because they too share the same fear of getting beat like the innocent woman by their master they serve loyalty to.

"And why should I forgive you ?" Finally he asked lifting a hope of light upon the bruised woman.

"Because I will make sure it never happen again". She breathlessly swore.

"Huh ?" He titled his head, smiling nothing like the angel he does to his wife rather this one sinister and far more darker filled with bloodlust. "What makes you say you will get another chance ?" Her heart dropped so does her hope.

"Now, fracture her hips". He commended tuning out the unwanted irritating of her screams and the cracks of her bones. He really doesn't like such unpleasant noises instead he like the giggles of his dearest, the snort of her laugh when she heard something unexpected, the cute hum of her, the music of her tune singing mindlessly. For all and each he solely find peace in his wife.

"Break little by little her spine". Asher close his eyes, deafening the chilling howl and bawl of her rather drowning himself into the image of his wife hmming her favorite song he learnt to love too.

"Crash her abodmen". He unconsciously mimic the images of his wife, watching how in her warmth of light home, she is hugging his torso, fingers over his disheveled hair and singing sweetly like an nightingale he never knew enjoyed.

"Bend her arms and legs alike of an accidental sprain". (Y/N) smiled at him mirroring the smile he wore in his lips, her fragile pads of fingers trace his lips like it's hers and indeed it is. Asher smiled more at the scenario building inside his mind totally indulging into the heven of his when he is hell for the poor shrieking woman helplessly under brutal force of hurting, tears has dried from how much it spilled yet another wail pour when her arms were sprained.

"Injure her neck alike of an whiplash". The men who were beating in heartbeat trembled questioning how on earth their master at perfect time is giving them the next order while closing his eyes and humming a pleasent tune. It sends shivers over the men and fear continue to do it's work.

"Finally". He opened his eyes, smile ghosted, eyes dead stare at the almost breathing woman. "Smach the head".

CLASH !

Darkness welcome the woman and blood wash over her head, cracking from the skull to touch the dirty sliver floor. A huge sigh of relief left his lips placing him into the happiest and relax mood he was. "Don't forget to cremate her body and grind the bones to vanish all evidence". His polish shoe turn towards the exist of his separate garage basement away from his house for ten miles.

The whole reason he punished the woman so painfully not because he wanted her torment or apologizes. No, one thing he learnt in his life that when an nagative action is taken place, no way in hell would apologizes ease the burns of the actions because he has seen it, playing in front of his life how once those schoolmate who bullied an nameless poor student later came begging to their feet, how once proud business men crawl their way to kiss up the people they unawarely mess up. He saw it all and he would be fool to be the next so he make sure any apologize of his mistakes that came out of his mouth is only planned, an act to sweep away the princess of his life. Thus, the woman's punishment was hurt the same way his wife could had been when she fell from the stairs carrying the leechs inside her stomach.

Hips.

Abdomen.

Back and neck.

Arms and legs.

Fetal distress and injure and more that he had took time to offer the woman one by one.

"Honey. I am afraid". Little tears welled into those (E/C) as her palm clutch into his much larger. "What if I die ?" Asher's suck his breath and tried his best to act the gentle husband she needs.

"My lovely, lovely (Y/N)" His fingers tuck the single hair behind her ears. "If god gifted you into my life then he won't dare to take away too. I promise". (Y/N) smiled at those comforting words, leaning into him before going to the operation room gathered by doctors and nurses.

"If I was the one to bring you into my life then I can also keep you". Soon the nurses took his wife wore dull hospital gown he realized doesn't suit her and watched her shut behind the doors.

"Mr. Harris, please sign your signature in the form". Asher eyes goes straight to the complication written as his wife is about to have c-section birth that he chosen after listening which is the least painful. Tighten the grip on the ballpen he signed.

"By the way doctor". The man dressed up ready to head to the surgery. "Save my wife". He finished, not a pled or request. It's an order that the doctor noticed.

"We will try to save the both—".

"No, if the child gives any slightest complication to my wife then immediately cut it out. My wife is more important". Those words were filled with vulnerability of how much love he bears for his wife yet the doctor felt bitter seeing how less connection the soon to-be-father is with his child. Yes, in his field he seen many husband choose their wives but the way the man utter so easily without any care of the child is unheard for the doctor.

"I understand. Your wife is the priority". Asher nod easing to able conveying his thoughts and his sight followed the man went into the room leaving alone the married man.

Cries of children rung the white halls turning the red light to green and the huge doors opened with the nurse carrying his twins and doctors coming out of the operation room.

"Congratulations ! You have twins, one girl and another boy". The female nurse cradle the newborn into her brace showing the father searching for any heavy emotions she has seen the past years working.

"How's my wife ? Can I see her ?" But Asher blankly question the woman trying to see a glimpse of (Y/N) not even sparing a glance at the children he shares his surname and blood leading the nurse a little baffled however she forced a smiled.

"Yes, you can but she is sleeping. Exhausted—". About to talk more when a whisk of air pass through her finding herself alone holding the children.

"The father left ?" Speechless is what she became. Meanwhile his emerald eyes soften and smile rose genuinely drank at the beautiful sleeping figure of his heart, his wife.

"I knew you wouldn't leave me". He message her skull, running smoothingly her hair and press a chaste kiss over her soak sweat forehead. "And I will make sure you never do". Because he few hours ago realized that having children shared with her will make her never again.

This stage was what completed and utterly chained her ankles to him and he swore she will only be showered by love and happiness even if it's an illusion crafted by him but one can't deny his love surely is real. "For you". He whispered. "A Honey comb trap".

FIN

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