#the trash compactor of the thing

[aria-greenhoodie]

I fucking HATE them.

Click for Quality!

[miralax-gatorade]

I guygs I have. A theroy

[wheucto]

anyways. the "hell" in BFDI is not actually hell but rather an afterlife which resembles hell in looks. the only people who went there were people who died in trash compactors in the charades challenge, and nickel suggets that because they died in a similar manner they were sent to this afterlife. that implies that afterlives seem to be based on how you die, and this is the "crushed in a trash compactor in the charades challenge" afterlife.

[mako-neexu]

dantes, gramps, shiki, kama, kiara, bb, beni, and merlin in guda's head: you mean WE got this

[majorxmaggiexboy]

no but a somebody lives au

Jopson starts acting funny on the way home like. He’s very grateful to Ross of course and is yeeting himself into crozier’s recovery like it’s his life’s work but he’s also tense and distant and the lieutenants are like

“damn…it’s because we left him at sick camp uwu”

and crozier is like “damn…it’s because he thinks I left him/resents me for what I put him through uwu”

but it’s actually bc Jopson is in the Holy Shit What Now trenches bc he’s got exactly Nothing to go back to except an empty flat IF he’s lucky, he doesn’t trust the lieutenancy will hold up and job hunting has always sucked

as to just staying on with Crozier,

Crozier doesn’t offer (bc he thinks Jopson lowkey hates him)

and Jopson doesn’t ask (because he would rather chew nails that taste an awful lot like abandonment issues)

all of which boils down to he has to rough it for a bit but finally secured a job at a quiet little pub; it’s slow but there’s enough scurrying here and there to pass the time and he has exactly three and a half very tolerable coworkers including two widows who are full of girlfriend suggestions (and, when one of them pulls him aside and lowers her voice to solemn yet mischievous levels, a boyfriend suggestion)

he proceeds to Amelie it up and channel his inner Sam Colbourne via being the nosiest and most subtly messy barkeep this tiny pub has ever experienced and it’s all very well and good

and then either bridgens, hartnell, or goddamn Cornelius hickey himself shows up

[achaotichuman]

Am slightly concerned by the fact my store-bought hummus says "With chickpeas and tahini!" in big bold letters on the front like... yeah I hope so, that's like... pretty much almost everything that goes into hummus, what would it be if it *didn't* have chickpeas and tahini in it????

[iwanttobepersephone]

Me, trying to be normal whenever I talk to somebody of a different culture because I am obsessed with culture and language and nature vs nurture and all that has to do with it and I want to talk to them about their culture for forever but they're just trying to talk about their cat:

[trippin-chippin]

Whiskey’s dumb scar thingys and the 1999 incident

[mrnnki]

absolutely batshit how much weight having one less thing to do lifts off of your shoulders

[cappurrccino]

i love. being a human person. with human emotions. it's so. fun.

[stoneclaw]

i so very desperately do not wanna go today.

[longingforacultparty]

im leaving my rheift store job in a week

goodbye half off baby blankets

[dykesynthezoid]

Now I don’t wanna be cruel about people’s physical appearance but. We all know this matchup is wild right. AND he’s a racist.

Meanwhile her ex-husband went on to marry a model 30 years younger than him. The different standards for women and men in entertainment are un-fucking-tenable out here

[marinetti-dinner-party]

also that's why i'm not worried about ben shapiro or evie magazine or peter thiel's various media projects. when the money runs out they'll all disappear. i don't know to what degree the propaganda works, but i've never seen anybody cite evie magazine unless they were themselves connected to the magazine in some way.

interesting how i was right about jorps and nobody listens to or cares about him any more. almost as if his base of support was inorganic.

[applepixls]

please join me in imagining:

a sitcom starring the 4 Gs with their creaking neighbour as a frequent visitor and everyone else as side characters we see a lot. and they have super powers.

just imagine, cleo is a necromancer who on the daily has to deal with her sassy zombies and hide them to avoid dealing with the issues of them being undead (fitting 2 extra people in their already cramped flat, taxes, insurance,,, grown up things.) scott is supposed to be super powered but all he does is turn into random barn yard animals impulse can teleport but its not its all cracked up to be (once he sneezed and got accused of robbing a bank) pearl just has a tendency to do dolphin elytra hopping in the living room cause she never has enough room in their cramped flat. ft. their silly neighbour bigb (appears about as much as the landlord in one day at a time if you're familiar.) shows up for family breakfasts and dinners, helps fix things and brings his silly little creaky guys as enrichment for scott when he wants to be something other than a chicken

their neighbours include: 3 college aged guys (who mostly put up with each other and start gradually liking each other better as the show goes on.) who live in the flat below them, one sleeps at any time of day and tends to slow time down to be funny, one runs really fast and freezes water he steps on and the third bounces high with glorified farts and owns a really fancy meat tenderizer. (and is cousins with their other neighbours including a violent ginger girl, a guy obsessed with fast and furious and a guy who seems to be stuck as a 1910s carnival barker-) their 3 upstairs neighbours who more or less keep to themselves and have pet birds, one of them has been asking the landlord if they can build a rooftop rollercoaster (in lieu of a garden) and can.. sit on stuff.. and punches really hard and you ouch if you punch him, another one celebrates every day he lives and is able to go invisible. the third struggles to keep the other two alive and is able to blind others in a vicinity and briefly vanish making her effectively an enhanced cuttlefish. (she is married to their downstairs neighbour and therefore spends as much time as possible in their flat instead of her own. wise choice) then there's the 2 neighbours who are really into roleplay? one of them is nosy and peeps through peep holes cause he can hear everything he sees, the other one borrows peoples identities (no harm done tho mostly just to raid his neighbours fridges without getting yelled at by their roommates) the snooper accidentally trash compactors himself trying to escape the carnival barker and the identity thief is now looking to move in with someone- finally, the main 4's mortal enemies, a guy with a fancy car who can jump on air and a girl who frequently has out of body experiences in which she can talk to the dead. they've recently adopted a silly guy with a waffle who does all of the above but only one at a time on a 6 hour or so time frame. he recently lost his roommates (both in trash compactor incidents, tragic really. one got too close and got eaten the other was leaning out the window trying to see where it was and fell out. self defenestration. rumour has it it was actually one of his buddies but that guy's innocent until proven guilty. these two are ironically now cleo's goons) and couldn't pay the rent himself so he's had to move in with the torettos

i would watch it

[artbyblastweave]

The thing about Aura theory is, I'm glad it's not canon but there's no real mystery about why people find it compelling, right? Because it would dovetail with a lot. Half the point of Amy's character is that being adopted by the Dallons is the familial equivalent of sticking a guy in a very slow trash compactor, and having her spend all her time next to the emotional-manipulation-equivalent of a cracked fuel canister is the perfect power-driven reification of that. This is a kid who's whole deal is that her brain is getting cooked by simplistic, judgmental narratives about good and evil picked up from her family, and over here you've got the perfect golden girl she can never measure up to, with a power literally designed to make everyone around her buy into traditional narratives about superheroes- a power she wound up with because of her own fears of failing to live up to those impossible, unrealistic narratives. And "Oh, I'm immune to your Aura via overexposure" is a very don't-upset-the-status-quo kind of lie for Amy to be telling herself. Altogether, if everyone involved is getting cooked like a hotdog by this thing- it's not thematically necessary but it would be aligned. The main reason not to do it, and the reason I think Wildbow went so far out of his way to shut it down within the text of Ward, is of course the implicit victim-blaming angle, the implication that if only that gosh-durned Victoria hadn't been so trigger happy with that aura of hers we could have avoided all that mess, she was "asking for it". And, fair's fair, a lot of bottom-of-the-barrel fanfic that came out between Worm and Ward worked that angle and it was as obnoxious and bankrupt as it sounds. But of course once you've committed to this plotline to the extent that Worm and Ward did you're kind of cooked on the unfortunate implication front anyway, too little too late