#the whole sentiment of 'this is my story' (to die. all of the reality versions are dead) and instead breaking that with the help of the

[deathspremonition]

after a month i have xkit here. yippie

[lesbiantoaster]

The Golden Enclaves (The Scholomance Book 3) - Spoilers

I've just finished The Scholomance series by Naomi Novik and I need to write my thoughs because I have some opinions XD These are just my thoughs as 20+yo freshly after finishing the series in one go (+listening/reading some opinions on-line). Also english is not my first language so I hope my message won't be lost in traslation.

El is unreliable narrator but she's a great character imo. Yes, she's ulikable, stubborn, 17yo brooding edgelord full of trauma BUT (for me at least) she's an believable on top of all of that. What I mean by that is I can believe that this is what a 17yo girl would sound/think/akt like. That doesn't mean her actions are always right but who doesn't make mistakes (especially when they're a teenager) ? But despite all the trauma she's endured during her stay at the Scholomance as well as before that and loads of self-loathing she's always been a good kid at heart to whom the world/fate has been really unfair. I love her journey throughout the series I truly do even though this journey is just beggining, but that's what's amazing about this character because now evry reader can have their own headcannons about her future. And that's what makes El Higgins one of my favourite characters of all time and makes me love this character!

Orion on the other hand had been made dirty imo. I'm sorry I really wanted to like him but he literally has ZERO personality he's just a depressed mawmouth shaped like a boy who wants to hunt mals and be next to El... It's sad because his whole story is genuinely tragic yet I felt next to nothing while reading it (only after finishing the golden enclaves I've started to think about everything he'd been through...). Also kinda unrelated but WHAT is Orion now? Like is he human enough to idk... get old? Or will he remain a 17yo till the end of Scholomance? On that note if he'll get old like a normal human being then what will happed to Scholomance once he passes away? (I don't expect to ever recive an answer to any of those questions but I am curious about it).

So... what do I think about Orion x El relationship? Well I think it was good for them while they're in Scholomance and (of course) it was crutial for the plot progression. But do I think this has a future? Absolutely not. For the first two book I was authentically rooting for them. They were good for each other and helped each other grow and mature, but reading The Golden Enclaves I couldn't help but play this tiktok sound (the one that goes: "He is not 'the love of your life'! He's literally just a guy. Just hit him with your car!") in my head for most of the Orion-related parts. And while what happened between Orion and El was genuine and beautiful and was working pretty well for the time being but they're teenagers in their first realtionship (that was formed in confined space where death was waiting for them litterally behind every corner and for what they knew they could die in the next 5 minutes, and lets not forget the social structure of small comunity of Scholomance - and while you can find some analogies beteween that to the outer world, they're not the same) and I don't think it'll survive past the point of when their frontal lobe will be fully developed... But I do think they'll remind good friends after that. That's just my opinion!

And that's I'm SO glad that the Liesel x El subplot happened! Some people say it came out of nowhere just to get representation points but I disagree with that sentiment... Don't det me wrong - I didn't saw it comming until the scene in London enclave, but when it happened it cliked for me and everything from The Last Graduate till the end of The Golden Enclaves started making sense... (?) My interpretation of the situation is that El DID notice Liesel in Scholomance and WAS atracted to her (considering that El's our narrator and we only see her version of reality, everything we learn about the world is El's understanging and observations of it - we only know things she considered important enough to describe to the reader AND she considered Liesel to be worthy of describing her multiple times to this degree that we KNOW that during New Year's cleaning El was looking at Liesel's boobs and wasn't complaining about it (she was complaining that Orion wasn't doing the same thing) maybe a the time she wasn't considering herself being attracted to the same sex - it might be because she wasn't quite experienced with social interactions and it was all new to her.. I mean newer than to 'normal' 17yo who's just begining their dating life). The biggest tell for me that El was attracted to Liesel was her reaction when she figured out what Liesel was proposing to her in London. What I also like in golden enclaves is the character development of Liesel herself. Watchin how this prideful, cunning, inteligent and fierce girl starts to care (even deeply) for El and how this relationship catalyzes her own process of healing from all the trauma.

And don't let me get started on thie whole "cheating" discourse... The first time El and Leisel get intimate is when we are sure Orion has been eaten by maw-mouth and the only reason for El to go back to Scholomance is to kill said maw-mouth so Orion along others victims to can die peacefully instead of suffering in eternity. So she's grieving and everyone grieves differently and it's not our place to judge that. The second time on the plane is slightly more complicated but also I wouldn't say it was cheating (I wouldn't even say that El and Orion were dating again at that time... it was more of will-they-wont-they-situationship where Orion specifically asked El to kill him if his mother won't heal him - and we all knew she wouldn't), it was a shitty move tho... Let's remember we're talking about deeply traumatized and mentally fucked-up kids (ok... young adults). I don't condone what El did in that moment but I also try to remember the context of these decisions and I refuse to judge her by my standards (+ I highly doubt that after all of this El never mention to Orion what happened between her and Liesel, just because she didn't do it right away after the events from the book doesn't mean they wouldn't have talked about this - it's just that hiding this information from Orion doesn't sit right with my interpretation of El's character).

El's just a teenage girl who's going through her first love but it doesn't mean she's gonig to close herself from the world just for this boy she met in school (in contrast to her own mother who's the archetype of mourning widow). I just really want to hope that in the case things wouldn't work out between her and Orion it wouldn't be the end of the world for her.

I'd like to believe that what these kids started was a revolution at the core of the rotten magic society and the whole system build on death and suffering, and that the change will come (after some probably long and painful process but IT WILL COME - that's my headcannon and I don't accept any other outcome for my own mental wellbeing XD). But also alongside of the changing/rebuilding world these kids need to heal/grow/change themseves. They've been through some serious shit and need to redefine who they are and find their own place in the new reality. I'd love to read about older versions of our heroes (because I'm 100% sure they won't be the same kids we left at the end of the last book) but I also don't think we'll ever come back to this world to see what happened next with our beloved misfits but I really hope the future will bring more fanfictions, headcannons and other fan-media that will keep this world alive and will allow us to dive in this world once more!

All to all I loved the series! It's not ideal (in many aspects) but overall I've really enjoyed it & sincerely recommend reading it and to shape your own opinion on the matter! Please keep in mind that it's only my interpretation of the series which is based on translation of the books and my personal life experiences and if you disagree with me you are more than welcome to express it (I'd love to see other perspectives) but please don't send hate! Lots of love <3

[spring-lxcked]

finshed ru.in so. thoughts. putting it under a readmore!! (apologies if it shows up without one at first, tumblr is doing the thing where it deletes readmores again :/)

ending was uh. abrupt and unsatisfying. also answered exactly zero of the questions i had because, like, it was abundantly obvious it wasn't gre.gory the whole time and was probably the game introducing it's version of the mim.ic

not actually shocked by grego.ry's betrayal (if it even was really him because why would he have control of the elevator?) based on the main game, but i know some ppl must be v unhappy rn

fn.af making me cry like??????????????? sorry but i genuinely cried abt ro.xy don't look at me

on one hand disappointed that the mim.ic was All It Was, on the other glad i don't have to fucking hear people claim glitch/burn is the mim.ic anymore (i hope) LMAO

game did get glitchier with time (two crashes, namely) but still better than main game

okay positive positive positive because the ending and the music me.n part were the only bad parts imo

the creepy objective descs were SO good. "That mask suits you." "Don't you care about your friend? Why aren't you trying harder?" "Don't think about it, just do it."

animatronic jumpscares were SO GOOD like. i think because most of the scares were primarily not the death jumpscares, it gave them leeway to give us the best death jumpscares of the entire franchise

so like. the rabbit when you're using the mask was obviously glamr.ock bon.nie trying to stop cas.sie from freeing the mim.ic, right? i strongly disagree with the sentiment that it was glitch, that makes little to no sense to me

so we agree that illusion disks are canon to security bre.ach (i personally don't think they are in the other games but it's debatable) right? we agree that we don't know that ANY of what cas.sie was seeing without the mask or with it was real right? we agree the mask wasn't literally making her teleport through solid objects right? we agree that we actually have no idea that anything we saw or heard was accurate to reality right?

the candy cad.et story GODS are we ready for 3000 theories abt exactly what that meant because i do NOT think it was abt them mim.ic—

cas.sie lore has me half-considering adding her to the multi

van.ni mask ambience was creepy but also jesus christ the theorists are gonna have a field day with some of that whispering and screaming

me going from "don't understand why rox.y is so popular" to "i would die for rox.y immediately" (tbf i really didn't feel hype for anyone in the main game, which i think says a lot. ru.in handled characters a LOT better and i actually cared about them)

am i crazy or cas.sie and michael parallels?? i just kept getting that Vibe idk

we need to talk abt the claim that va.nni masks were used by all class v technicians. do i believe this? not sure but it's a concept i have GOT to hear more abt

btw i do know there's other endings but i think the normal ending is probably canon

this dlc had no effect on my canon, i already assumed glitch was no longer in the pizzeria/etc (i don't think the rabbit was glitch + the animatronics clearly were acting of their own volition)

i know i absolutely didn't find all the secrets but like. unless there's something major i missed (very very very possible), i'm still sad we didn't get more info on the greg.ory being a robot theory. outside of when i'm interacting with definitely human!gre.gorys on here, my william making the blueprint for gre.gory is an important part of his canon to me

anyway, despite any complaints i may have abt the ending, ru.in proved that ste.el wool is more than capable of listening to criticism and doing better and that makes me so, so happy

hey hi i want to make a million security br.each / ru.in verses now. how can i force my actual william into this, guys—? yes i know i said i want him canonly dead, AU verses doN'T COUNT

WHO IS BEHIND THE PIZZAPL.EX I AM STILL INSANE ABOUT THIS WHO IS BEHIND IT

[ailtrahq]

As I kid I remember reading a Donald Duck story about him being frustrated that people were different to him. In the story, he then all of a sudden multiplied to be in the city with just various versions of himself, leading everything to be a total mess. Turns out, we need different views, temperaments, skills, and cultural standpoints to make this whole planet thing work. These days, when ever you have something real to say, you are a threat to someone. We’ve lost the idea that some of our bad ideas should die facing better ones in public conversations, so we don’t all have to die by the bad ideas. As it is perceived by many that there is no transcendent realm, many feel like their ideas is who they are. So challenging ideas, even shitty ones, feels like dying to them. We are each others checks and balances, if this democracy thing is done right, but it goes beyond it. We are born with different temperaments to maintain the balance of the cosmos, even if the planets collide into one another on occasion. A simpler way is trying a make a NY socialite do your farm growing. As hinted towards in the previous article, the art world is by en large, is still totally clueless about the value of digital decentralised certificates. The human desire to erase the parts we don’t like, multiply ourselves in an attempt to reach utopia, and play power games – without accountability – led to this multiplied Donald Duck nightmare. Real inclusivity means inclusivity of temperaments and ideas foreign to us, and that is HARD work to live with. The law of entropy means something Ayn Rand once said: You Can Avoid Reality, But You Cannot Avoid the Consequences of Avoiding Reality The Fork and Flip piece now works in AR via the Artivive app From Vantaa to Dubai When I was a kid, a couple kids used to call me “big head” as my head was disproportionately bigger than the rest of my body. It was true at that point, but I figure it had also something to do with those big ideas I had, that didn’t really fit into the sub-urban grey Vantaa school setting. I’m sure you’ve never heard of Vantaa, but that has something to do with big ideas not being so common there, even if some individuals reach escape velocity. Not saying it was Bronx in the 70’s, but as tough environments damage us, but they also breed sisu. This is a Finnish term equivalent to something like grit, but it doesn’t quite cover it. It has been a very useful thing throughout my life, as I keep being animated and inspired by big ideas.   This bubble head figure is being turned into a 50cm 3D statue by the talented and idea filled Hadrien from Arteier3D. We met through Hamad Al Ali from Yalla Group earlier in Dubai, and kept in touch figuring out ways to work together. Getting this statue done is a great honor for me with a sentiment reaching all the way to some lemons being made into lemonade since a kid. It comes to show that through working hard enough and pushing for a vision, things become possible. Very grateful for this whole process now, even if part of the pain remains as the rocket fuel to elevate further still.   More on this collab later, as we are onto even bigger ideas. Renaissance 360 continued The Desert Rose piece from the MIrrors series. Blow up at the Theatre of Digital Art in Dubai Would you live here? Would you fly in this? Thanks to Mic Kuisma, that I finally met in person at the Tmrw Conf in Serbia, I was introduced to Martin from White Mammoth studios. He is now responsible for the implementation of “Desert Rose” into a fantastic render of a villa as well as a jet, giving a vision on where we are headed. We will be working together on many things, to which this is a great start. What does it look like, when liabilities get turned into assets via a creative art & licence process utilising digital certificates? Can assets be turned into further value through the same process? Before heading to Finland this summer, due to the kind introduction of H.

E Amna Fikri, we had a meeting with the eloquent H.E Fahad Al Gergawi, who is the Chief Executive Officer of the Dubai Investment Development Agency (Dubai FDI). We keep being inspired by the vision of Dubai and UAE, as well as feel there is a significant contribution we can add to the region via our Renaissance 360 concept.   fT NFT at Dubai Mall   Pioneering physical and digital integration, the ftNFT Art Gallery located at the Dubai Mall is one of its kind. The super sleek store, equipped with screens and opens space to showcase physical works and merchandise, stands as the grand creative experiment of the Fastex exchange. VESA has always worked to bridge physical and digital together, so a partnership between the two was a natural evolution. Tom Badley’s “Art & Money” show is currently on, so please check that out. Team VESA has consulted for the gallery over the summer, and now the partnership will turn to exhibiting VESA at their location. “Million Dirham Hotel” is one of the ones being sold as a motion NFT coming with a physical piece that launches the AR animation. “Caramel” is one of the ones being sold as a motion NFT coming with a physical piece that launches the AR animation. The show will include some OG Crypto artworks as re-paints as well as new works from the Mirrors series. Some of them were last seen in Toda Dubai at the MKO concert. The opening night will be on the 11th of November at Dubai Mall / ftNFT store. Check them out here: FT NFT GALLERY   I mean, just WOW! If you’ve been to this event, you already know. WOW Summit (8.-9. October) is back, bigger, and more lavish than before. One of the most epic events in town, WOW reunites once again the spearheading keynote speakers, Founders, panelists, and thought leaders of our industry. VESA will be featured on a panel on NFTs during the event, and excitingly on the first night, he will give a presentation before the gala dinner for the VIP guests. Looks   This was from a previous presentation at WOW Summit 2021 at the Atlantis hotel conference room. Primal Scream While we live in a gas light planet, I don’t know if you are doing well or not, but this will give a kick to your day! Enjoy! Catch you at the events, Keep your flag high, VESA & Lotta Crypto & NFT Artist All links to physical, NFTs, and more below   Source

[letterboxd]

In Focus: The Truman Show.

Inspired by Letterboxd data that revealed it to be a lockdown favorite, editor-at-large Dominic Corry looks at the ever-evolving importance of contemporary masterpiece The Truman Show.

It has long been apparent that The Truman Show is an unnervingly prescient film. The story of a man who becomes aware that his superficially idyllic life is, in fact, a live-streamed television show has gone from being high-concept to every-day.

Thanks to the three Ps—the prevalence of mass urban surveillance, the proliferation of reality television and the pervasiveness of video in social media—the notion of cameras filming our every move is no longer a paranoid fantasy, but real life. The twist being that, for the most part, we all willingly signed up for it, and did all the filming ourselves. As Yi Jian saliently observes in his review: “Not to get all ‘we live in a society’ on Letterboxd but I know a person or two in real life that would actually give anything to trade lives with Truman, it do be like that sometimes”. It indeed do, Yi Jian.

So it’s something of a cliché at this stage to point out how we are all living in some version of the The Truman Show, and you don’t have to be a member of the royal family to feel that way. Yet, somehow, the film has become even more pertinent over the last eighteen months. And it’s a pertinence reflected in the massive uptick in viewership for the film as seen in Letterboxd activity.

During the month of February 2020, the last moment of the Before Times, The Truman Show had a modest 1,235 diary entries. That number tripled in April of that year, by which time the seriousness of the pandemic had become clear. And by July, deep in the worst of the pandemic, Truman fervor peaked, with a further 178 percent leap over April’s numbers, firmly placing it in the top 200 films watched by our members in a year of lockdown. (By the way, ‘diary entries’ mean activity where the member has added a watched date; many thousands more also marked Truman as ‘watched’ in those dark months, but didn’t specify a date.)

It’s not difficult to imagine why we might become more interested in revisiting this eminently re-visitable film. During lockdown, social media—including Letterboxd—took on a greater presence in terms of how we communicated with each other. We got used to seeing footage of faces more than actual faces. We were all the stars of our own ‘Truman Show’, and simultaneously the audience of everyone else’s ‘Truman Show’.

Christian Torres boiled it down effectively when he wrote: “Now every movie I see seems to be related to my life in quarantine. I am Truman and I want to escape.” And Sonya Sandra eloquently captured the film’s increased contemporary significance in her review: “This is a real-life daylight horror film. The best kind. Even more relevant in 2021 than ever. We are all Truman, we all want to find what is real in our fake lives filled with media, capitalism and ideology. And it’s our job to fight the storm and get to the truth of it all. Nothing is real, everything is for profit, and everyone is selfish. Go out and find what is real, because it’s definitely not here.”

With its deft, dazzling blending of the profound and the humorous, the optimistic and the cynical, it’s difficult to think of anything released since The Truman Show that comes as close as it does to being a modern-day Frank Capra movie. It’s hopeful, but has its eyes wide open. There’s a darkness in the themes of the film that is never replicated in the colors on display.

While everyone involved delivers career-best work, we must principally credit the triumvirate of talent at the center of the film: director Peter Weir, screenwriter Andrew Niccol and star Jim Carrey.

Star Jim Carrey and director Peter Weir on the set of ‘The Truman Show’ (1998).

Weir is a director who inspires much online love whenever his name is mentioned, but he isn’t really mentioned all that often. Or at least as often as he should be. The Australian filmmaker has delivered masterpieces across multiple genres, and it’s extremely sad that he hasn’t directed a movie since 2010’s not-quite-true World War II drama The Way Back, arguably one of his lesser works. That’s also, insanely, one of only two movies he’s made since Truman, the other being Master and Commander: The Far Side of the World, the wide and rabid affection for which regularly kicks up on Twitter (not to mention demand for a sequel).

Weir doesn’t do many interviews, and while this 2018 Vanity Fair article marking Truman’s twentieth anniversary has many quotes about the film’s modern relevance, Weir doesn’t offer any commentary to that effect, presumably preferring to let the work speak for itself—though in this 1998 interview he did talk about the relationship between the media, the general public and the people we become fascinated with, as a “complex situation”.

The Vanity Fair article does, however, reveal a fascinating ‘what if’ scenario relating to Christof, the god-like director of the in-movie TV show played by Ed Harris, who offers up a pile of pretentious auteur clichés: mononymous, beret, etc. (beyond the whole god thing, that is). When Dennis Hopper, originally cast in the role, wasn’t working out, Weir considered playing the role himself, which would’ve added yet another meta layer. It brings to mind how George Miller styled Immortan Joe (played by Hugh Keays-Byrne) after himself in Mad Max: Fury Road, or how Christopher Nolan’s haircut shows up in most of his films.

Ed Harris as Christof in ‘The Truman Show’ (1998).

And, at one point, it could have gone mega-meta. Weir, in the 1998 interview, talked about a “crazy idea” he had, a technical impossibility back then but easily achievable with live-streaming now. “I would have loved to have had a video camera installed in every theater the film was to be seen [in]. At one point, the projectionist would … cut to the viewers in the cinema and then back to the movie. But I thought it was best to leave that idea untested.” Imagine.

Weir also played a role in helping to shape the originally much more overtly dark screenplay into the cheerier (on the surface at least) shooting script, which is solely credited to fellow antipodean, New Zealand-born Niccol, also a producer on the film. Both men have done the majority of their work in America, but it’s tempting to credit the film’s tone-perfect sense of heightened Americana to the degree of separation offered by their foreign provenance. In any case, it’s clear that open-air mall designers were paying attention.

Niccol’s original screenplay made his name in Hollywood, and revealed a storyteller excited by big ideas. He moved into directing with the smaller-scale Gattaca, released a year prior to Truman (itself delayed to meet Carrey’s availability). Niccol’s subsequent filmography includes several legit bangers (Lord of War hive step up!), and his endearing dedication to lofty allegories in a genre setting makes him an increasingly rare breed in Hollywood.

Like Weir, he is not the greatest fan of giving interviews, but the Vanity Fair piece quotes him making an interesting point: “When you know there is a camera, there is no reality,” thereby making Truman “the only genuine reality star.”

It’s a sentiment echoed by MusicMoviesMe, who writes that “‘Truman Show’ beats all other reality shows out there like Bachelors, Survivors and Kardashians. Come on, when you know there’s a camera at your tail, there’s no reality. So yes, Truman beats all reality shows out there bar none!”

The role was perfectly suited to Jim Carrey’s affected mannerisms, and his status as one of the world’s biggest stars meant he could relate to Truman more than most people. Then, at least. Nowadays, of course, we are all Truman.

“It is always incredible to see how far The Truman Show was ahead of [its] time,” observes The Closer79. “In a world where celebs are monitored 24/7 and we are showered with unnecessary private information on the web, where talent-free wannabes become famous and where you sometimes [wonder] what kind of surreal show society you are in—Truman and his fake show life cleverly have anticipated all of this. Only Truman knew nothing of his luck and he was granted an escape from his glass prison. We don’t really have this possibility… Aren’t we all Truman? Sometimes even voluntarily…”

Austin Burke concurs: “I have always known that I really enjoyed this film, but I had no clue that it would hold up so well years later… Could this be because the strange world that he finds himself in is far more similar to our world today? Possibly, but the idea and themes are so much more relevant now compared to when this originally released.” And while DallasFrance is conscious of piling on about the film’s prescience, his review highlights how there really is no limit to the film’s meta qualities:

“Instead of writing a review about how this film predicted social media, or how we’re all Truman, or yadda yadda yadda, I’ll instead fixate on the miraculous fact that two absolute legends were cast as primary viewers of the Truman Show:

1. The old lady from The Running Man who starts betting on Ben Richards (Arnold Schwarzenegger). ‘He’s one bad motherf*cker!’

2. The villain from The Karate Kid Part II:

‘Live or die, man?!’ ‘Die!’ ‘Wrong!’ *hooooonnnkkk*

I’ve never seen either of these actors in any other roles. With the second one, I felt like I was watching a character from my childhood watch a character from his childhood come to realizations about the characters in his childhood. So actually… the movie’s really about me.”

Never change, LB membership.

We are all generally pretty aware of how ahead of its time The Truman Show was, but that doesn’t lessen its impact. Maddie’s review shows that there’s always some new angle to consider: “Imagine being an extra in this movie… You would be an extra, playing an actor, playing an extra. Think about that long enough and tell me that doesn’t make you want to walk into the ocean.”

Kev goes even further: “Watching other people watch somebody else while also watching that person while also watching the person watching over that person is a great reminder that watching is weird, and to be watched is to not own yourself. Don’t watch, don’t try to be watched. Just live.”

Or perhaps Will encapsulates the film’s ability to present an ever-evolving message best, writing that, “clearly, this is video proof that we live in a simulation.” Beyond mere prescience, The Truman Show is a telling mirror to whatever era it is viewed in. Its message will continue to evolve.

Now that we’re finally (touch wood) emerging from the pandemic, it will be fascinating to see what The Truman Show has to say about its audience and the world they live in, in years to come. Rest assured, it will be well-documented by you, the Letterboxd audience.

Also: can Peter Weir please make another movie? Like, seriously.

Related content

A Meta-Reality: Robert’s list of layers of film in life and life in film

Follow Dom on Letterboxd

[mooglesorts]

man. it's weird, because there's a lot of things about me that are Very Badger Primary, to the point where i would probably pick it with a strong bird model over anything else at this point... except that i hate dehumanization. i saw primaries described recently as 'things you wouldn't be you anymore if you went against,' and more than just about anything else that's it. even when i think people are monsters, i can't see them as not human; i'd be hard put to define exactly what i consider a 'monster,' but it's more about like. good faith than personhood, i suppose?

it's not necessarily a permanent status to be one--people can change--but my deeply held instinct is that once you have done something monstrous you will always be a person who has been a monster by your own choices, and that it's your duty to learn how to accept that while still living your life, and act accordingly from thereon out. you have to reconcile that you are a person with the fact that some doors are closed to you now, and it's up to you to decide what you do from there.

just. like. even when i hate someone and as far as i'm concerned they can go fuck themself, even in the multiple Heavily Badger social environments i've been in over the course of my life--church, progressive circles, the way the structure of the internet kind of just affects you in general--even on occasions where i've gotten swept away and given in to the pressure to dehumanize (or perform it) for a minute, there's always, always been a voice in the back of my head saying this is a person. this is a person. this is a person. this isn't right.

unintentional dehumanization sets off my '...should we really be doing this? we are getting into not good territory here, it's time to pull up and start questioning' alarms. explicit, intentional, purposeful dehumanization sets off the whole ass tornado sirens. if people on my side are doing it it's enough to throw me into a system-destabilizing crisis, because NO NO NO I WANT TO GET OFF THIS RIDE, I WANT NO PART OF THESE PEOPLE'S MORAL SYSTEM, I FEEL UNCLEAN. it's a good way to make sure i will never, ever, ever trust someone again.

things that are Really Really Badger, off the top of my head (after the cut because Long and trauma talk):

[[MORE]]

---

-i've always loved playing adoptable games, pet simulators, etc? any game with randomly generated characters that are Yours Now and a Community, in a deeply badgery way. including games where they can die (the satisfying part is making sure they don't). except that, no matter how much fun the gameplay is, if it gets to the point where they start feeling disposable, and the only way to really keep playing is to stop humanizing them, i lose interest. it's super fucking depressing. it feels like part of me dying inside a little. i don't like it at all.

-i've always been drawn to fandoms and roleplaying communities. i was fiercely loyal to, and proud of, my first rp community on dragoncave as a 13-year-old. when my abusive mom found out about it and completely isolated me for half a year, the promise of being able to make it back to them--just sneakier this time--kept me going; when i finally got back and the group had drifted apart in my absence, it.... was absolutely devastating. i never really recovered from it. even then, i spent years trying to get the group back together every now and then, until i finally gave up.

-i am always keenly, painfully aware of the life cycle of a community. every time i hear the sentiment 'you guys are all great and i love this group' my stomach drops, because i know it's only a matter of time before things go sour or the group dissolves. rp groups, skype chats/discord servers, fandoms, you name it, i am always bracing myself or staying away entirely to avoid the inevitable and it hurts. and it hurts to see people taking part in a community i don't dare be part of, which makes lurking in fandoms... really rough. frankly, it takes me a lot of courage every time i express my appreciation for the shc community because i've been burned so many times.

-on that note: i went through some really traumatic stuff at the end of 2020 that completely turned my life upside down, and i was doing bad until i stumbled across the shc community. the moment i started engaging, it was a huge boost to my mental health, and my ability to cope with circumstances under which i was about to break down spectacularly. and it has been ever since! contributing to The Group Project and seeing other folks being friendly with each other gives me the happy feelings.

-i used to go out of my way to build and run spaces, mainly fandom and rp spaces, and took a lot of pride in engineering them so that they Functioned Well. unfortunately it wore me the hell down over the years for Burnt Badger Reasons, and now i'm too jaded, bitter, and exhausted to give a shit about being a mod/community leader anymore because of it lmao

-among those burnt badger things i relate HARD to the Red Ledger narrative. hoo boy.

-i wish i could find it again, but there was an mlp comic i saw once which went into luna's observations of what each element of harmony Means. with the element of friendship, she says that twilight has a massive amount of love to give; right now it's all focused on celestia, but when she learns to expand it outward she'll have grown into her full potential as a person, and she'll change the world. that struck a chord with how i used to feel, hard, and it's really stuck with me ever since. (hello, unhealthy snake model)

-emphasis on 'used to feel,' lmao

-got super invested in a really toxic '''mental health''' community at a low point in my life; exploded HARD trying to help everyone i could; got into vicious, protracted fights with the shitty mods for years about the harmful way they ran their community until i finally managed to go 'fuck this it's not getting better' and leave.

-had to numb myself emotionally to the people around me for a long time once i really started learning about mental health and trauma stuff, because now i was seeing signs of their pain and baggage everywhere i looked, and i couldn't handle not being able to help.

-the imagery with which i think about my bird primary is overwhelmingly negative. whether it's my actual primary or a model, i uh. i feel like a healthy relationship to one's primary doesn't involve associating it with gore.

-i saw a conversation recently about how birds think of morality in terms of 'if you can, you should,' and how that's scary for badgers because their definition of 'can' involves destroying yourself for the sake of that 'should,' and... yeah, that's a mood. that's a BIG mood. thinking about bird primary stuff is hard--and i had to pick up my lion model to deal with it--because it's so easy for me to spiral into a self-shredding spiral of other people are counting on you to do the right thing, how dare you pull back for your own health and sanity. how dare you turn your back for even a minute. how dare you rest. the work is never done.

which is... a very exploded badger approach to exploded bird morality. whoops.

-fix-it and time travel fiction in which Everything Went Right This Time and It's Going to Be Okay are one of my very favorite self-indulgent fantasies. i will enjoy putting characters through the wringer in all kinds of creatively horrific ways which may or may not end on a downer note, certainly, i love that shit, but i will also 90% of the time have a backup version of the arc or dynamic that's softer and lighter and Actually Healthy This Time. it's the dichotomy there that really gets me tbh, a story where Everything Ends Happily by default will mmmaybe pull me in? but stories where there's the constant shadow of this could end horribly, it's supposed to end horribly, and we got a happy fucking ending anyway are just... that shit will make me cry, man.

it's also why i kind of really hate stable time loop stories where it initially looks like this is going to be The Good Timeline this time around, but OOPSIE everything went to shit anyway! we're right back where we started, just like it was meant to be all along! it's a tired cliche by this point and an unsatisfying one for me, and it makes me roll my eyes every time.

-this is relevant to the bird vs. badger because like... my gut instinct is to prioritize people over systems. when shit hits the fan, when someone's fallen into the machinery and is about to get hurt, i don't feel right about it if i just let it happen. i'll break the machinery if i have to to keep it away from them; i won't feel great about that, and it might cause problems, but fuck it, we'll figure it out later. throwing people into the gears of a system when i'm convinced it's the only option makes me feel Awful.

-related to the above, another trope that really speaks to me in fiction is when a character defies the rules of reality through sheer force of will. no, this is not happening, i don't give a shit what the limits are supposed to be. i refuse to let this be the way things are. (there's that lion model.)

-i've just kind of... always wanted to be an Everyone Badger. it makes me sad how much of that i've lost over the years as i've gotten more cynical, but it's what i wish i could be.

---

doubtless i'll think of more the moment i hit send, and there are just as many things about me that are Super Bird Primary, but like... mamma mia that's some spicy badger. the main thing stopping me is the Can't and Refuse to Dehumanize bit. i also... hm. i think i can function okay without a community? they just help a lot, and it sucks when i'm confronted with one i don't have a (stable) place in. any thoughts? is it possible for a bird system's foundation to run so deep that eventually it overrides the bird?

[dudebroreg]

In the isolation of this quarantine, I’m gonna resurrect THIS old ass argument. “Can Spike still rightfully end up with Buffy after his actions, and if he can’t, isn’t the same true for Angel?” and “Is Spuffy as meaningful as or even compare to Bangel?”. The following “conversation” is hypothetical and “person” represents most of the arguments I’ve seen people on the other side of this make. Person: I don’t see how anyone could possibly ship Buffy and Spike after the bathroom scene. Me: He didn’t have a soul when he did that. Once he does have a soul, the evil he did is no longer his fault unless he repeats the behavior, but their slow-burned bond and her eventual love for who he becomes in Chosen is real. It’s canon that she fell in love with him when their fingers locked before his death if you take Joss’s words as truth, and even if you don’t and need something to be solidified on the program to accept it as canon, interpreting what Buffy felt in those last moments as romantic love is no more or less provable than the “she was just saying it to make Spike feel better” take. It makes complete sense that Spike thought she was lying after all of his experiences, though. That’s part of his own tragedy. That angst is part of why we love them as a pairing. Person: Wow look at you making excuses for one of the worst things someone can possibly do. There’s no going back after that. Idc what the plot did to justify his actions, and it’s despicable to think that the show would still give them anything resembling a love story after that. Boo hoo about his little tragedy. Am I supposed to feel bad after what he tried to do to her? Me: Okay fine, I see your point. I don’t see how anyone could possibly ship Buffy and Angel after he went on a killing spree meant to emotionally torture her, targeted her friends and family, KILLED JENNY and not only got off on the pain it inflicted on Buffy’s father figure but set it up to be as devastating for Giles as humanly possible, and almost brought Hell on Earth which would have killed millions in global genocide all for his twisted amusement. I don’t see how anyone could feel bad about him having a sword driven through him and pulled into Acathla after what he tried to do to Buffy, to her loved ones, and to the entire fucking world. Oh also he tried to drive a sword into her face right before her badass comeback. Person: He didn’t have a soul when he did that. It’s not Angel’s fault what Angelus does. It’s not really him, but Bangel’s epic eternal love at first sight is real and will never die. Me: .... Person: ... It’s different because Spike is a little more human even when he doesn’t have a soul. Me: Does that mean he deserves less credit or more? :/ :/ Person: ANGEL AND ANGELUS IS DIFFERENT FROM SOULLESS SPIKE AND SPIKE. Me: Nah same lore same rules breh. Soulless Spike seems more human because William was a sentimental sap and hopeless romantic when he was sired and so Spike was a deranged version of that personality, but still a demon and still wired to do evil, no matter how deeply he feels for someone. Liam was a self-indulgent douche who lived primarily for his own satisfaction when he was sired and thus became Angelus. Like in life, Angelus in death gave into all of his wicked cravings but without guilt or remorse. Who Spike and Angel are without a soul fits who they were with a soul perfectly within the rules of Buffyverse vampirism. But Soulless Spike is still Soulless Spike, he is still supernaturally coded to be a monster, and his ensouled version deserves the same level of forgiveness or lack thereof as his grandsire. If you don’t think Buffy should be with someone who’s done unspeakable things regardless of the supernatural reason for it, fine, but that’s not what you’re saying. Me: The bathroom scene was hard to watch but an important turning point because he realized that in his chipped state he can’t be his fully monstrous self nor can he be a good man. His options were to get the chip removed and be William the Bloody again, or get his soul and attempt to be a good man. The decision he made was something Angelus would never do, which I could use to say Spike is just better, but really they’re just different people with different motives. Bangel and Spuffy present the same issues with the concept of being pardoned via soul and if either vampire is really “worthy” of her romantic affections, no matter how much you try to twist Buffy/Spike as the more unshippable pairing to suit your own preference on which character Buffy should have a future with.

Person: ARE YOU SAYING SEASON 6 SPUFFY WASN’T TOXIC?! Me: Nah it definitely was, but Spuffy fandom in large part really doesn’t want Buffy to end up with season 6 Spike. Many of us think their “relationship” when he was soulless was *entertaining* and added character depth, and that they had real moments of connection in the midst of the ugliness, but most of us recognize how unhealthy it was and that it was no recipe for happily-ever-after. Irl there would be no turning back but also irl people are not literal demons who can go and win a soul to make up for some missing piece of them, just as Angel’s situation would also not happen in our reality. Me: A lot of us DO want her to end up with fully actualized soul-having Spike as he was by the end of season 7, in season 5 of Angel, and post series. Bangel is the passionate all-consuming first love story, but they NEVER achieved the level of understanding and full realization of the other that Spuffy ultimately did. Probably in part because Buffy was a fuckin’ high school teenager when Bangel happened, but that’s vampire genre for ya. Me: The speech Spike gave Buffy in Touched is something Angel could NEVER deliver at any point we’ve seen them, because Angel never knew her the way Spike did, and Buffy’s conceptualization of Angel is super idealistic and passion-charged, lacking the full range of understanding she has of Spike, probably because, again, she was a fuckin’ high school teenager when Bangel happened. Me: If she loves both of them, which I believe she does and the creator of the verse believes she does, it would take years for Buffy and Angel to discover and know each other to the depths that Buffy and Spike already do. Never mind that Buffy and Angel changed - they didn’t even know each other THAT well when they were together. The more Angel the Series dives into the whole of Angel, the more clear that becomes, and Buffy wasn’t anywhere near her full growth when he left for LA. Why go back and rebuild Buffy’s first major relationship when Spike is right there, the feelings are developed enough to where if she said “I absolutely do love you and you were wrong for doubting it” it wouldn’t seem wild whatsoever, and the natural romantic endpoint of her journey has more substance there? Because you just like Bangel more? Cool! You do you, but Buffy/Angel is still in no way the morally superior tv couple. Me: Also, not to be a dick on that whole love-at-first-sight deal, but it’s canon that Angel loved her the moment he saw her, which is weird to me since the first time he saw her was watching her creepily from a distance when she was 15 years-old in a short skirt and literally sucking on a lollipop.  Okay so I’m just being a prick with that last part because that too is a byproduct of 90s TV and vampire genre. “Bangel or Spuffy” is mostly a “which type of fictional relationship do I vibe with?” based debate. Bangel is one of those epic earth-shattering-consuming-my-whole-being-at-first-kiss romances, and the people who love that kinda thing will be inclined to support them, and I do love Angel as a whole. What I will always fight, no matter how old this subject and these shows get, is this wack idea that there are problems within Spuffy that make it more unshippable than Bangel, or even more hilariously that Buffy “deserves” better than Spike and yet “deserves” Angel. 

Though, if you tell me you think she’s too good for both of them, you have a much stronger case there, but that doesn’t make me love Spuffy any less, nor would it make someone else stop loving Bangel.

[iamnightduchess]

Is it just me or it's getting difficult to find theories and meta on this fandom esp in reddit without someone going "yes genocide is 100% the solution" and as someone who lives under duterte's regime whose followers echo the same sentiments it's getting kinda difficult to navigate through fandom space without seeing those uncomfortable takes

Hello dear Nonnie,

Don't worry, it's not you, it's actually the general consensus in Tumblr that almost all is against a genocidal overlord 😢 but, if we were to share our opinions & stances on that for SnK fandom specifically in all other socmed channels (Reddit, Twitter, FB, IG, YT), get ready to be mentally recked, stand corrected & sniped virtually on the spot. Their genocidal overlord can do no wrong & all the alliance members are ungrateful, idiots & dumbasses for working collectively to stop millions of people and the earth from dying.

I feel so sorry for the people who has this type of mindset: their ancestors, their families and themselves have not been born in a situation where they've been through oppression. Eldians are no different. They were the first oppressor, then now the oppressed and these readers strongly believes that the rest of the world deserves to be fucked up. Eldians in Marley & Eldians in Paradis are like two children that was forced apart and separated when their parents divorced (Fritz 145 & Tyburs/remaining Eldians in Marley). Yet both parents remarried to toxic partners who, also, instead of suggesting of working together for the children's future + greater good, used the children as weapons to attack the other side.

For people from multiracial countries or countries that have or is suffering a regime/administration run by a tyrant, it is always ingrained in us to strive for unity, peace, humanity & livelihood. We were told stories of not of our oppressors but of how us, the people work together to fight for our independence. All different races, we love each other & we want our country be a much better, peaceful safer place for our children. Thus why, Isayama's work hits us so damn much in our hearts. It hits too close to home. Genocide is never a solution. Because even if Eren succeeds & only the Islanders are left alive, bet you how long it'll take for the remaining humans to fight each other even if they're both from the same place, have the same blood. E.g Kiyomi reiterated this to Floch & before that, the Jeagerists were a prime example of what extremists would do.

I myself, is from a country like Marley, where we have asylum-seeking refugees and we are multiracial. We have differences without a doubt but instead of a melting pot, we are a salad bowl where we mixed together in harmony but still retains our unique cultural identity, faith & attributes with respect for each other. Even if you've been blessed enough to not have to go through all that oppression in history, it doesn't take a genius to appreciate all living beings. It's humanity. The world had treated Paradis as an evil entity but you fight hate with love. It's easier said than done, yes, but you and I, we're both living proofs (like Ackermans & Azumabitos!) in the real world that peace has to be fought through unity, empathy, compassion and not violence or mass killings.

They said, the Eldians in Marley have thrown them under the bus but Niccolo & Onyankopon are amazing examples that the rest of the world can coexist with Paradis, but you have to be patient, work hard at it & you need time. My country managed to achieve our independence in 1957 because of our first Prime Minister's efforts; he has a globalist mentality like Armin has. What he did was if Armin goes to Marley to table a thick binder detailing our constitution proposals for an alliance/truce with Paradis. He believes in humanity & he united all races under one country name & constitution. It has been done in reality. (But some people just want to see the world burn)

Oh but no, their genocidal overlord doesn't have much time, (he's dying in four years!) & he feels genocide is the only solution. This is why I agree with Reiner when he said that the Founding couldn't have gone to a much worst person. OG Ymir & Eren are proof that tremendous powers would destroy worlds if they're given to children whose thinking have not fully developed & mature to be logical & objective. (I also want to share my grievances on OG!Ymir. I used to sympathize with her but the moment she got the powers & she went back to offer herself again as the tyrant King's slave, my sympathy just went down the toilet. She was a classic victim who has Stockholm Syndrome & she allowed herself to be manipulated by an abusive man just because she needed to be validated when she has this God-like powers. She should've killed that evil king from the beginning & ally with Marley. Yet now, she's using Eren as a tool/vessel to fuck the whole world up for her own mistake that she made.) also, these people are in denial that the MC/hero can do no wrong. That's the beauty of Isayama's writing: he flipped the table with Reiner as the MC and these people lose their minds. What if he always wanted the story to start with Eren but ends with Reiner?

Thus why, you can only still find a more positive environment that are more 'sound', 'sane' & 'humane' only here in Tumblr. However, I've also personally noticed the sudden appearance of new Tumblr accounts of these toxic members from other channels, sending unsavory asks & commenting with unsavory phrases on mutuals & some of the top posts on my page 😂

Hang in there, Nonnie. It's hard to voice out the truth sometimes but as long as you keep on breathing, you shouldn't stop fighting for humanity's survival just like the alliance!

People can disagree with our opinions but I drew the line at genocide & mass killings. Period. Even criminals have a legislation & justice system before they are ruled out for execution. Eren is a child that's been given the most dangerous powers. His own version of freedom is twisted & skewed. The Alliance is willing to die first, fighting for the world's humanity's survival than living peacefully (really? With the Jeagerists own regime?) in Paradis at the expense of the bloods shed and lives lost by millions around the world.

I'm so sorry for this barrage of texts, Nonnie. I get very emotional when those who supports genocide shits on the humanitarian's principles. You can't also be in other channels without getting brain damage of the 'genocide is right/the only way' sentiments. We can't control what other people posts but the only thing we can, is: how we react to them.

I hope Tumblr could still be a positive safe space if I can help it!

xoxo

Thank you for the Ask! ☀️ Take care & stay safe ❤️

[rabidfirefoxfan]

When you responded, I started thinking back to when I first got into Loki. I am ashamed to say, that yes it was from gagnarok. but because I love the truth, I went out seeking it (so my love for gagnarok only lasted a few months) anyways, I do remember loving how great it was after watching it and spreading the word about it; ready to take down any YouTuber with a negative response towards the movie, even though I REALLY didn't want to see it twice. It just stayed in my brain for some reason. I still don't fully understand why, but I think you def hit the nail on the coffin 💜

You enjoyed something, you wanted to Keep enjoying that thing. There is nothing inherently wrong with this. You Subjective reaction to the Movie can be “I though it was a good film” and the Objective reality “This films has MAJOR Problems with it” are two different things.

For example, Michael Bay’s Transformers is objectively a Bad Film: Bad characterization, bad plot, dumb action, over-sexualization, really terrible main character. However, many people Subjective reaction to the Movie is “It was a pretty good movie.” The action scenes were entertaining enough to keep you interested and the character work well enough for ONE watch through.  Ragnorak is Similar, your first subjective reaction to the movie was to say it was good.

Your reaction to the movie is also, in some ways, artificial. After all, with big releases like Marvel Movies are is a lot of Fanfare trying to hype you up to go to the Movie. Trailers like to “Your going to have a great time watching this film. It has all the stuff you want.” And then there is the Disney Press Tour trying to encourage media outlets to say the same thing. Finally, when you are all excited to watch the movie, you watch the movie and before you can really process what you watch, you talk with your friends. Now, you had a fairly happy experience, so when you asked your friends they will say “Yeah that was a good Movie,” re-enforcing the Idea that it actualy was a good movie.

Without realizing it, there are 3 forces trying to convince you that watch you actually watched was Good, and not Crap in any meaningful way. Reason 1: You don’t want to have wasted you time and money, so what you spent you time and money on MUST be Good. Reason 2: Your Friends want to feed off you energy and have the same Reason1 working on them. These direct friends will again tell you that the movie is Good. Reason 3: Disney has a strong incentive to want you to think the movie is good, so they promote articles and Social Media pieces that say that the Movie is Good so they continue to Make MONEY off of it for as long as it’s in the Box Office. (Let’s not forget, Ragnorak made just as much as The Justice league did)

Because of all of these Factors, when you are going to talk about the movie a week after you watch, you are STRONGLY encouraged to say how awesome it was. And the People who said it sucked, well, they must just be no-good haters who want to ruin your happiness, RIGHT? There is no way the thing that you watched ONCE can be bad, it must be something else. There is no way I was wrong, that what I liked is bad, that my reasoning can be flawed. It must be those Haters.

And this Line of thinking Works .... for a little bit. The thing is, movie last forever (at least with the internet) and the internet LOVES to over-analysis everything. Piece by Piece, more and more voices start to voice some little things they didn’t like, and than those little things start to pile up, and more and more little things pile up, and OMG This Movie is horrible how did I ever like it in the first place.

You want to see this in Action. Watch Mauler’s A Critique of Star Wars: The Force Awakens - Introduction. Mauler has a whole playlist talking about the Sequel Star Wars movies, and it’s like 24 hours long when you include all 3 movies and like 5 parts of it (Each on like 2 hours long). You don’t have to watch the whole thing, just Watch the first 5 minutes of this specific video. You’ll see this EXACT thing happening to Everyone when it came to The Force Awakens.

One other Problem with the Thor IP that should be address though. IMO, the biggest problem with Thor, is honestly Thor. I don’t think Chris Hemsworth every capture that spirit of Thor, as Least in comparison to the other 3 major character for Avengers (2012). So, arguably the 4 most important characters of the Avengers was Iron Man, Thor, Captain America and Loki. Iron Man was the character to get the MCU kicked off, but Thor and Captain America Movies were there to build up momentum and build up to the Avengers. Chris Evans did a great job capturing Cap down-to-earth persona and how he really does want to be a good leader, a good man. RDJ did a FANTASTIC Job capture both the Light and Dark elements of Tony Stark. I don’t think I need explain with Hiddleston did a good Job capturing the spirit of Loki. So, that Leaves Thor.

In the Comics, the basic Idea of Thor is that Thor is an Arrogant Superman. Like Superman, Thor is really strong, nearly invincible, and just Loves Humans and the Earth while not actually begin Human (his mom is the Earth Though). Unlike Superman Though, Thor often thinks too Highly of Himself and can act like a Total Dick at times. In most versions of the Humbling of Thor, Thor often does a really Dick move that causes his banishment. However, even with his arrogant Nature, Thor still loves cute things and still wants to protect stuff.

Hemsworth, although doing a Great Job bringing the Body of Thor (look at those muscles), IMO never did an excellent job bring the warmth of Thor. Or, at least wasn’t as Good at doing Thor as Hiddleston was at doing Loki. Hiddleston, through just trying to do a Good job on his character, ultimately brought all the focus away from Thor and onto Loki. This ended up with the reaction, Thor was bad, but Loki was Good. Because the Main focus, Thor, wasn’t done well, both Thor and TDW suffered. Add to that that Marvel really never knew what to do with the Thor IP and you have a general atmosphere of “The Thor Movies sucked, but I like the Loki scenes,” a sentiment that I honestly agree with.

Hiddleston NAILS every scenes he’s in with Both Movies, but everyone else ... eh? Both Odin and Jane’s actors are phone it in, it’s not their worst performances, but it’s hardly their best. Humbling of Thor is Interesting, but Loki’s side of the story is Far more interesting. I mean, Thor gets banished and immediately gets a girlfriend and a nice life. If Loki didn’t go Mad and attack the Town, it’s likely Thor would have gotten married to Jane, been an amazing Trophy Husband and had 3 kids while Loki would have been miserable on the Throne. That’s not an interesting story for Thor.

TDW suffered from production problems. A director for the movie pulled out last minute and the movie was crap, then they noticed that Loki was popular and they did some Last minute re-shoots with Joss Whedon and Tom Hiddleston. Now it’s a crap movie with sprinkles of Great scenes. Honestly, cut out a lot of the Earth stuff, bring the Focus onto to Loki and I swear there is a great movie in the TDW, I just know it.

So, with the First two Thor movies having ?Eh? Thor content, fans wished for a new better thing and they wanted Ragnorak to be that new better movie. These Fans also ignored anything that said otherwise.

However, because of Taika’s habit of attacking Fans, it’s likely that it’s going to be hard for him to keep his fanbase. Bad movies can work for a time, but eventually People will move on to better thing. Transformers was able to make 3-4 somewhat successful movies but the 5 bombed. The same thing will happen to Taika if he’s not careful. If his next movie doesn’t scratch the same itch that the First movie does, people will re-examine Ragnorak with a critical lens and then it will be popular to bash on his movie.

There is a reason why Tom Hiddleston’s Loki Fans have endured for so Long. It’s because Loki in Thor and TDW really resonated with us, far more than most other Marvel Properties. Because of it, Loki’s personality, his strength and his stories are far more relatable and resonate and any other Marvel Characters. It on Marvel to make us products we are willing to support, not attack us when we don’t want to buy their crap.

For me, I have don’t like how Marvel (and Disney in general) is treating their characters and their fans. Until their general atmosphere improves (or they die in hell) I am going to read Through Loki Comic until I find those few Great one (I have fund like 5-10 out of 60 that are worth anything), continue to read fanfics from authors who give a crap and continue to promote and make Fan-based stuff that encourages Loki stuff I do like.

Um.... Thanks for reading my long answer. Thanks for sending asks.

PS: Do you have any good Loki work to recommend?

[punkscowardschampions]

Janis & Jimmy

Janis: [Okay, so coach ride to the school trip moment, JJ sat together 'cos who else are you gonna sit next to tbh, all the flat whites are here and we're making Grace feel like crap in all the ways, starting with having a loud, extra phone call with Pablo rn and making Grace hear and look at all this on facetime, but literally the whole bus is bearing witness, have you no shame Mia] Jimmy: [I like to think Ella and Asia are sitting together and Ella wants to die cos Asia's so dumb and Hollie's just on her phone watching tiktoks or whatever living her best life] Janis: [a mood but not at all, lmao] Janis: [okay, so my vague idea of something JJ can do to take attention away from Mia, piss her off, but without everyone else being as anti-them as they are anti-her rn, is for Janis to text Grace like come here for a sec, but that confuses Grace (obvs) so then Janis gets up and is like I NEED TO TALK TO YOU so she gets Grace out of this hell but also Mia will be PISSED she has, let's say there's a free seat in front of JJ or whatever where they can sit and then have a whisper sesh where we pretend we're talking about Jimmy but in actuality, we're not saying much beyond, you're welcome and, go along with it] Janis: [then once this has happened, all the flat whites will be 👀 WHAT DID SHE SAY etc, and THEN JJ can be couply cute like snuggling etc now they know they're looking] Jimmy: [I stan your mind boo] Janis: [so, Mia has been pissing us all off for time but it's when she's like, forcibly trying to get Grace to talk to Pablo, Janis visibly stiffens and is like, nah] Janis: If you do me a favour right now, I'll do you two Jimmy: Alright Janis: [inact this Grace moment for a plausible amount of time for a girly chat you simply NEED to have RIGHT NOW so sorry Mia, that's probably 10-15 minutes at least you two have to sit together and talk so, if you wanna, you can be Grace for a sec and we can '-' or we can just say roughly what they'd find to talk about lol it might be amusing potentially] Jimmy changed name to Grace Janis: [after the text, coming over with such a clearly but purposely fake apologetic face like oop sorry to barge in on this phone conversation you're having so publicly 'Grace, can I borrow you for a sec?' with a kind of serious but also excited tone, like, the just-NEED-to-talk-about-this-NOW vibe] Grace: [Grace just like 'oh yeah, sure, babes' in a tone that's lowkey like anything for you anytime because 1. it'll annoy Mia 2. she literally would die for Janis and we know it, making her body language and face as excited but serious like she respects this TRUST, fuck you Mia, before throwing an apologetic look at Mia as they go so she knows it's a deliberate afterthought] Janis: [smiling at Jimmy as you sit back down, opposite/in front of him, which she doesn't smile a lot at school/ever obvs so that itself would be so strange, everything from this point essentially in a whisper/no more than a murmur so no one else can hear, which is fine 'cos object of your affection is RIGHT THERE so everyone understands the vibe without needing to hear anything 'she's a cunt' gritted teeth 'cos we're fuming about this phonecall shenanigan but then switching to a #conspiratorial 😏 look, peeping at him between the seats as if to really drive that home 'i'm gonna shit in her bed' with a grin] Grace: [so effortlessly following this that would be concerning except that we know she's living a fake life every day so it's just standard to her by this point which hurts my heart but okay Gracie 'so is he' because she's having some emotions herself about the Pablo and dad situation but we can't let them show 'totally a match made in hell' holds her face/fans it like whatever Janis is saying is making her blush and giving her like an OMG look before likewise peeping at poor Jimothy but deliberately less subtly because everyone expects her to be that bitch/the friend who turns around when you tell 'em not to 'IOU if you need a lookout or whatever, but I'd hate to tread on barista boy's toes so' looks at him again and smiles herself] Janis: [nodding, really to agree with that sentiment, but making it look as if she's admitting to something like okay, you got me and hiding her own face in her hands like we're so 🤭 'hope he knocks up Asia' when you've said it just to be a bitch and because you're angry but the obvious parallel to what Caleb and Drew actually did to Ali and Carly does not escape you so you shake your head now and then lean in further, saying 'WELL-' at a louder, potentially overhearable volume, as if you're about to spill the ACTUAL tea 'nah, don't worry about it, long as she gets hers'] Grace: [when you sigh because you're so sad and over everything tbh and the reminder of both deadbeat dads doesn't help but you turn it into an excited gasp before it's even out of your mouth properly because that's something you're used to with all these shit lads, likewise the fake facial expressions are so on point as you pretend you're getting that tea and say something loud like OMG because you're obvs so excited you can't help it and do a fake look around like oh I hope nobody heard that 'he's already given her an STI, but you obviously didn't hear that from me' spills actually tea because we're sad and mad rn like] Janis: [giving her a half-genuine smile/look of appreciation that gets overtaken by an OTT 😍 one about your current situation before you'd barely have chance to clock it, giving her the expected playful-slap-on-the-arm like what are you like? at least you can use the actual snort at this news to pretend you're so amused about anything but Mia getting the clap 'very romantic' letting your voice raise again on any word that would help sell your story, actually covertly looking over to the flat whites 'she's hung up now, of course' 'cos what's the point if you can't torture Grace] Grace: [when you're doing a whole apology moment loud enough to be heard by Mia cos will annoy her because you never apologise to her sincerely but also as your chance to actually be like I'm so sorry that our lives are like this and we don't talk anymore because all this comes out when you're drunk but before jj fake date when are you two ever at the same parties, you just aren't and you're having enough emotions to accidentally go there 'he's literally such a dark horse, I can't even' looking at Jimmy and again loud enough to be heard even though you're shading Pablo and Mia because duh, doesn't look over at the gals cos she doesn't need to, we know the drill by now 'duh' but her voice is like a dead version of her real one and thus in such a whisper because the most genuine thing she's said lowkey in forever 'he doesn't care how her day's going and what can she say anyway' cos we all know he only wants to hook up and her life is boring and basic] Janis: [when you can shh her because not that deep and we're so close and sisterly rn but it really 'cos this makes you so uncomfortable like stop 'I know' when you have to force the enthusiasm into your voice on that one 'cos we all know Pablo is an unavoidable dickhead even before this and you're grieving too rn boy but still, Mia, of all people, ew, 'I can't believe it' when your overall demeanor and tone projects that you feel so #blessed but the reality of the words is literally the opposite 'daddy issues, right' clutching your hand to your chest like you're talking about something SO cute he did but the 'awh, bless' is all for that tragic hoe] Grace: ['same' and likewise your tone is the opposite as it also is when you nod in agreement to the daddy issues comment cos that hits close to home obvs 'this trip is gonna be so' loud enough that people can hear that too even though you also mean that in a please kill me way not a I really ship JJ way] Janis: ['Yeah...' and a sigh that is SO wistful and not at all exasperated at all the shit Mia can and will try to pull, going back to the #conspiratorial 😏 look 'I've got plans' and winking 'cos have, getting up like better get back to it 🤭 and giving her a one-armed hug as you stand to go, purely as a fuck you ladies, turning back like oh! just remembered and handing her your phone 'downloaded that album you wanted to listen to' at normal volume, so she has an excuse to stay put and put headphones on] Grace: [making your own song and dance of forgetting something too purely because you're dying over the hug like I'm so dumb I'd forget my weave if it wasn't glued in and passing her something between the seats once she's sat back down with Jimboy, honestly fuck knows what it even is but it'd drive everyone crazy trying to guess] Grace changed name to Jimmy Janis: [gonna lowkey need that phone back but it can easily be passed back via the seats so that's no issue, just not looking at him yet 'cos can't 'cos that was so OTT for you (obvs) but you can have a bit of 😳 before you commit to this part of it] Jimmy: [playfully nudges her and passes her his phone (oh the trust ladies) and takes a headphone leaving her one cos as far as everyone knows Grace has hers and he knows everyone is looking at them and what is going on and that's his way of telling her he's keeping up with it] Janis: [when you a mvp, nudging him back and it means far too much to be decipherable like sorry, thanks and more all in one gesture, leaning in figuratively and literally for this headphone moment, which makes resting your head on his shoulder that much easier] Jimmy: [we know he's softly playing with her hair for the first time ever because we can pretend he's playing along but really he's wanted to do that since day 1 baby] Janis: [when you do put some music on so you can have some vague distraction but you put it on pretty quiet, so you could still whisper to each other 'alright?' like, asking if he is, if that was, if this is, again, too many potential ways to mean that] Jimmy: [when you just say yeah at a normal volume because use that to your advantage] Janis: ['yeah?' back in what can only be described as low-key saucy, like oh really vibes but like, oh really lol] Jimmy: [gives her the first LOOK ever and nods because we can both play this game gal] Janis: [when the fact that that shook you works to your advantage so you don't have to worry, turning this into more of a snug than it was, putting your arms around his waist and loudly whispering 'I'll make it up to you' 'cos gonna pay off that debt but take that as you will people] Jimmy: [when you can just be 😏 cos it works but you're wondering how she reckons she'll do that and you know she knows that] Janis: [okay, using his phone to type back and forth 'cos that'll look cute and keep up the lie] Janis: how does she look Janis: scale 🥺 😢 😭 😤 😠 😡 🤬 🤯 Jimmy: 😡😡😡 Janis: not bad Jimmy: but will it do? Janis: got three days to 🤯 Jimmy: if you need 'em Janis: that a challenge? Jimmy: does it sound like one? Janis: 👌 Jimmy: [takes her hand to write ok on it because it looks like they're holding hands so challenge accepted vibes] Janis: 🦐 is 😢 Jimmy: duh he's got resting 🦐 face Janis: [loling 'cos hohoho so funny babe but part of that was genuine] Jimmy: [when you gotta give OTT 😍 cos she's got a cute laugh] Janis: do I need to put 🤢 on the scale Janis: or is that purely 💀#1 💀#2 Jimmy: they would reckon that's #ultimategoals Jimmy: a lad who triggers their gag reflex Janis: 🤮💘 Janis: GROSS Jimmy: [little lol] Janis: [😍 for the fans] Jimmy: [don't think about how bad you wanna kiss her boy, you can't risk being the new Mia of this coach] Janis: [you gonna have to chill but it won't be that much of a journey wherever you're going so don't worry lads, in fact, close your eyes and pretend you gonna have a lil nap on him] Jimmy: [just doodling on her with your fingertip really softly I like to imagine he's drawing out the scale] Janis: [love that, we must skip though] Jimmy: [so okay, activity time, we having Grace on JJ's team cos suck a dick Mia and a boy she can flirt with, then some random] Janis: [it should be a girl Mia has beef with, for some ridiculous reason, like bitch has deffo not done anything lol] Jimmy: [yasssssss I love that] Janis: [yo y'all better win or at least beat her team] Jimmy: [wouldn't be hard to beat her or loads of the others even if they don't win but ngl I'd love it if you did] Janis: [do it we're writing it fight us they're competitive and they're dying 💀#1 💀#2 so bye] Jimmy: [fuck it nobody would be expecting any of yall to win or care so I'm about it] Janis: [hohaha start as you mean to go on tbh] Jimmy: where on the scale now? Janis: 🤬 Janis: definitely heard her name followed by bitch Janis: my review even less favourable Jimmy: [picks her up and spins her round like he's so buzzing they won] Jimmy: that'll help Janis: don't put your back out Jimmy: I ain't as old as I look Janis: [😏] Janis: that's what they all say Jimmy: you been to catholic school, girl? Jimmy: I get why they all wanna crack onto you now Janis: rude you didn't get it before Jimmy: wouldn't wanna make your head any bigger Jimmy: touch and go picking you up as it were Janis: not my fault you're short and I ain't 💀 Jimmy: piss off am I Janis: no need to 🤬 Janis: we 🏆🥇 Jimmy: What you trying to make me 😭 for then? Janis: awh, babes Jimmy: leave it out Janis: 🤐 Jimmy: 👍 Janis: hmu when you wanna make a cracking bridge again then Jimmy: don't sound like me, that Jimmy: 😎🔥 Janis: I get it, IOU rn Janis: 💭 on Jimmy: I have had the one Janis: yeah? Jimmy: this is working, yeah? Jimmy: shes at 🤬 you said Janis: it's making this trip worthwhile, yeah Jimmy: nowt to do but crack on with making it more worthwhile Jimmy: neither of us can move for 'better' offers, can we? Janis: Literally gonna rip out my own 👀 or everyone else's if they don't calm it down with the sexts Janis: so, you wanna 🤯? Jimmy: want is a bit strong Jimmy: but if we're pissing about performing for her, might as well clear our DMs of dickheads while we're at it Janis: yeah, it makes sense Janis: may as well use it to our advantage any way we can Jimmy: while we're stuck here doing this bollocks at least Janis: kills time, keeps us from killing anyone Janis: I'm down Jimmy: Alright Janis: how are we gonna do this then Janis: like, exactly Jimmy: How do you wanna do it? Janis: We'll have to go some for people to calm down, obviously Janis: people have no problem being hoes Jimmy: I know Janis: so like, full 😍 then Janis: ? Jimmy: 🥇 or nowt Jimmy: won't be that hard, people have no problem believing we're #fated either if all those likes are owt to go by Janis: they're idiots and I'm well convincing Jimmy: yeah alright, Julie, I'll collect your oscar for you on my way out 'cause it won't be for long either Jimmy: I'll piss off soon and no dickhead's expecting us to keep going at being that starcrossed Janis: 'course not Janis: they'll forget about you in a week or two Janis: makes sense for this trip, as you said Janis: everyone's tryna get off with each other and it gets both of us an easy out Jimmy: mine or yours tonight then, my dear? Janis: I'll come to yours Janis: then Grace can have then over and they can 👀 I ain't in Jimmy: you're on to a real winner today, girl Jimmy: not just a big head Janis: that's the spirit Jimmy: 👻 Janis: specifically no 👻ing Jimmy: What about 🥃? Janis: DUH Janis: you got some? Jimmy: not very #goals to have to bribe you but Jimmy: wouldn't come here empty handed Janis: obviously I've only got eyes for you, Casper Janis: oh, who are you rooming with? Jimmy: Dunno, man bun, deepest of v neck t-shirts? Jimmy: only got eyes for his vape Janis: oh Janis: yep, I know who you mean Janis: 🎨 description Jimmy: ain't saying I could be an undercover 👮 or one of their informants but if Mia's dad goes down I will take the 🏆 Janis: 🐀boy can be your new name Jimmy: tah, sweetheart 💕 Janis: yeah, well couple goals that Jimmy: that'll be why I propositioned you Janis: is propositioned a sexy word? Janis: it sounds a bit 👮 report Jimmy: Busted, I'm 45 and faking being a real #lad an' all, the 😎 hide my crows feet Jimmy: can't have any secrets between us, like Janis: gotcha Janis: makes sense why Mia is 🤤 Jimmy: and sir Janis: you wish Janis: devvo he ain't here Jimmy: alright, put down the 🧂 babe, you'll give me a heart attack Janis: 🙄 Janis: yeah secretly so jealous of our fat, balding 🤓 of a teacher Jimmy: DUH Janis: 💁 Jimmy: while we're chucking tea about, I weren't on that teen soap, so warn us if you're gonna show up to my door naked Janis: not my plan Janis: reckon we can scandalize without going there Janis: soap and romcom tropes would be our friend though so let us down there Jimmy: soz, I were #blessed with the accent and the IQ for that bollocks but none of the emotional range Janis: leave off Janis: your 😍 were solid Jimmy: save the compliments til my room's full of dickheads to overhear Janis: just don't mention the part where I fake it like a pro Janis: not an idiot Jimmy: easy to say you take it like a pro instead Jimmy: nowt to worry about Janis: lovely Janis: are we fucking or are we 💘 Janis: important distinction Jimmy: reckon we can have it all, Juliet Janis: alright Jimmy: I know it ain't just for 💀👑 now but nowt'll piss her off more Janis: right, she's incapable of any of the finer human emotions Janis: oh, her boyfriend gave her an STI Jimmy: lovely, that Jimmy: which one? Janis: which boyfriend or which STI, yeah Janis: the one I'm related to, by all accounts Janis: 🤞 chlamydia so I don't need to cuntpunt her Jimmy: sounds a bit like the name of a kid fiddling island her dad does his business lunches on Jimmy: works on loads of levels Janis: 😏 Janis: he will be SO proud Janis: though, probably casually racist which is what makes him the ideal candidate for a boyfriend Jimmy: 🤞 his secretary ain't related to me if her dad's caught it off her Jimmy: turned down that teen soap for a reason Janis: 😱 Janis: goes all the way to the top Jimmy: 🏆🥇 Janis: was slightly concerned you were saying you fuck your cousins or something but as I only need to fake touch you Janis: you do you Jimmy: I ain't got any cousins, soz if that's pissed on your ultimate kink Janis: I'm not fucking 'em, new boy Jimmy: 👌 Janis: you don't vape, do you Jimmy: what kind of fucking question is that? Janis: a valid one 😎boy Janis: 'cos that shit gives me a headache Janis: not gonna sit in your cotton candy cloud Jimmy: you've had a 🚬 with me, dickhead Jimmy: did that taste 🍧🍦🧁🍰🎂🍭🍬 🍫 to you? Janis: might mix your vices Janis: but nah, you're old school 😎 good Jimmy: I can 💀💀💀 buzzing, grinning in my ⚰ over knowing you reckon I'm 👍 Janis: obviously Janis: 🍀 you Jimmy: 🥃 give you a headache an' all, you want a 🍹 instead, Jane? Janis: piss off Janis: 1. offering shit you can't provide unless you've brought mixer and ice with you too 2. being a dickhead Jimmy: 1. someone'll have brought a 🧃 it's a school trip 2. you're being a dickhead Janis: 1. you a barman and all? 2. save it for your roommates, lover boy Jimmy: 1. find out in a bit, won't you 2. I don't have a vape pen, remember, fucked the foreplay right up Janis: your idea of foreplay is worrying Janis: fake or otherwise Jimmy: bit late to spread that about, we're committed to being #goals not what were it Mia said, weird freaks or some bollocks Janis: can tell she's not an artist Janis: words not her strong suit Jimmy: what is? Janis: ♙ Jimmy: if that ain't nerd flirting, I dunno what would be Janis: seeing she can control mindless idiots ain't 😍 Janis: if I wanted to be surrounded by those kind of people, I could do it easier Jimmy: the game though, all that eye contact and pissing about Janis: find us a board and we'll give 'em foreplay then Jimmy: [draws her a pisstakey flirty board] Janis: 😂 Janis: lemme practice not blinking Jimmy: in a bit then Janis: alright Jimmy: 👍 Janis: my line Jimmy: Alright, go on Janis: I already said it Jimmy: you wanted the practice Jimmy: have another crack at it Janis: I'll say it when they can hear Jimmy: 🤞 you'll say a bit more than that Jimmy: they're idiots, you already said an' all Janis: idiots need visuals, I'm aware Jimmy: you've got something going on behind them unblinking 👀 I'm aware Janis: 💘 Jimmy: 😘 Janis: [skipperoni to showing up in your PJs, a bold move] Jimmy: [when it's a lewk and his jaw hitting the floor isn't fake at all] Janis: [we just pretending we don't even know Oli/anyone else is there, soz boy] Jimmy: [at least he can shamelessly check her out like 🤤 cos they are though] Janis: [we asking for the drink] Jimmy: [thanks for that Ian] Janis: [I hope you're bottom bunk if not enjoy the view everyone whilst you climb up, like] Jimmy: [for that reason alone he has to be top] Janis: ['I was bored without you'] Jimmy: ['you better stay for a bit then' obviously joins her up there because was making a show of looking out to check for teachers and all that nonsense 'at least til you ain't bored'] Janis: ['sounds like a plan' and a LOOK under the pretense they're probably standing about so can see, 'cos y'all ain't gonna be on the bottom bunk together are you] Jimmy: [a LOOK back before you open the bottle for her because gentlemanly not cos you're stalling nope] Janis: ['Slainte' and taking a shot whilst maintaining that ♙ eye contact] Jimmy: [does the thing where he takes the bottle from her but instead of taking a drink he pulls her into him but I'm gonna say that her hair is down so they can't see what he's doing because the truth is nothing yet even though it looks like he's kissing her neck or whatever because he's a good boy and he wants to know it's okay first so a LOOK which is actually an unspoken question lol] Janis: [taking the bottle back and putting it down on top of the wardrobe or whatever in reply like yeah, let's go for it, partly to prove you're down for the plan and not scared and also 'cos you know Oli will get too awks and make them all leave if you actually do anything so it won't have to be a Thing for ages, like] Jimmy: [goes in for the first kiss and it's obviously EVERYTHING goodbye] Janis: [rip you two, it's DEFINITELY continuing after they out the door, even if for a hot sec, you are that blatant, like, just in case they forgot something or whatever] Jimmy: [duh it'd ruin everything if they forgot their vape and came back and you weren't still going] Janis: [just dedicated to the act, alright] Jimmy: [he doesn't know they're related so lowkey surprised they left so fast and of course gutted we know but acting unfazed by having that drink finally] Jimmy: [bit rude cos that makes it seem like you hated it but okay boy] Janis: [not about to bring it up before or after, just hopping down like ta-da and looking at the window so casually] Jimmy: goes to the window and 🚬 out of it cos still offended she asked you if you vape] Janis: [sniffs like she seeing if it's 🍧🍦🧁🍰🎂🍭🍬 🍫 or nah] Jimmy: [blows a smoke ring at her but in a sassy way not a Harley aggressively blowing smoke at Ro back in the day way] Janis: [still wafting it away like we're Mia levels of disgusted but 😏 'cos not] Jimmy: [turning back to the window but obvs amused, we're all 😏 rn] Janis: ['they'll tell everyone, Nathan has a big mouth' looks around the room like 'what are we gonna do for at least 15 minutes, so you don't get THAT rep'] Jimmy: ['does look a bit like if Mick Jagger fucked some local lass and weren't feeling the need to shout about it for obvious reasons' looks at the bottle wherever he left that and back at her with a shrug 'fancy a game of chess?']] Janis: [snorts 'we'd all know about it anyway, no one 'round here can keep a secret' follows his eyes with hers and nods 'alright'] Jimmy: [IRL 🤞 and checks his phone we know he's checking on Cass and Bobby but it looks like he's checking if people are saying shit yet so, picks the bottle back up, takes a swing and passes it back to her] Janis: [when a thought #hits and you get your phone and as you're taking your swig you do some searching and put some sex sounds on and put your phone under a pillow to convincingly muffle it and 🤫 at him like speak quiet if you're gonna] Jimmy: [🙄 but also nod because it's a good idea] Janis: [nudges him as she walks back to give him the bottle 'you want me to be -' mimes 🤐 '-or you expect me to sit here and do it myself?' pointing at the phone like no thank you] Jimmy: ['I get it, everyone's so desperate to fuck you or know what it'd be like they've got their ears pressed to the door'] Janis: [shrugs like yes, your point?] Jimmy: [gets back on his bed and gets comfy so she'll have to get on either Ollie's bed below or his if she wants to talk to him cos shh] Janis: [🙄 and a dramatic sigh but fake is sexy but you're 😒] Jimmy: [texting his sister for a while but then his phone is blowing up because people are scandalised so he chucks it at her so she can see] Janis: ['phase one complete' shaking her head as she reads a bit but then chucking it back like a hot 🥔 'probably have to eat dinner at the same table'] Jimmy: [nods but when he's thinking about everyone watching them his own idea hits and it's the lovebites so he gestures for her to come here] Janis: [climbing up this bed again like ugh, excuse me] Jimmy: [I think to think she's as far away as she can be so he's like 'come here' but we whispering of course so it's accidentally hot] Janis: [assumedly, and we are questioning this but we also aren't 'cos we do come closer, obviously] Jimmy: [reaches out and touches her hair, moving it away from her neck and looking at that as yet unbruised skin and we know he's thinking if she has her hair up everyone else will be seeing that too so he looks at her and you know it's meant to be a look like do you see where I'm going with this but it's shamelessly just a LOOK] Janis: [when you automatically bring your hand up to move his away like oi, excuse me but you catch up with this being part of the plan so then you're just holding his hand there 'good thinking' when again, you have to whisper so it all just sounds so much hotter and #intoit than it would if you could just speak but soz, you can't] Jimmy: [looks at her phone under the pillow still playing those saucy sex sounds 'could just google how to fake 'em' cos you know people have blatantly done that but then he's looking at her again and licking his lips and generally being hot af] Janis: [shakes head 'that's more effort' taking the phone and turning them off, like, how suggestive like are you gonna be making the noises now too or what 'meant to make our lives easier, yeah?'] Jimmy: [holds her hair out of the way which is also lowkey hot soz not soz and goes in cos unspoken challenge accepted on getting her to make better noises than that] Janis: [we out here doing the most] Jimmy: [god bless] Janis: [know we giving him some in the process, only fair, not like we need to] Jimmy: [there's no hiding behind your hair boy and that's the only flimsy excuse we need] Janis: [and we need to be THAT obvious so everyone knows, duh] Jimmy: [like she said, gotta make both of their lives easier not only make one of 'em look swag, very much mutual and both #goals thank you] Janis: [exactly, we're fucking off and over the flat whites and co, not each other] Jimmy: [thank god she turned off the sounds because there's no stopping him from making any and we need to pretend it's OTT fake at this point instead of him being THAT into it already] Janis: ['you're a good actor' 'cos you said you'd say it] Jimmy: ['you're -' we're not finishing that because he hasn't said it loud enough to style it into a fake compliment] Janis: [biting his bottom lip 'cos you weren't kissing for long enough so you simply gotta so they're more bruised] Jimmy: [I love that you could've just bitten your own but more fun for everyone like that because you know he'd follow suit and do the same for her] Janis: [we need to be thorough here, that might not be enough] Jimmy: [hence just lowkey making out now but I think we should have a teacher catch them cos Mia or Ella snitched to cockblock because in the OG they had that punishment to clean everyone else's rooms and they stole their shit and I think we should still do that cos it was a mood but in the OG they had that punishment cos they snuck off to the pub which they don't need to because Ian's stash is a thing this time] Janis: [agree fully because a. they would and b. the teacher can be so shame-y and then everyone will hear if said teacher is going off and then bitching about them to the other teachers] Jimmy: [yeah it's a much better idea and an actual decent way to cockblock so they don't just hook up rn] Janis: [I'm with it, 'cos we can steal someone else's booze if theirs also gets confiscated for bonus scandal points] Jimmy: [love that] Janis: [okay, so dinner after we've been bollocked and everyone is shooketh, not allowed to sit together so] Jimmy: [oooh we should say Grace is putting make up on her love bites for her because that is a way to draw even more attention to it cos lowkey in the midst of dinner here] Janis: [gets out kit lmao] Jimmy: [exactly and a reason for her to be like Grace you need to sit with me so Mia is seething] Janis: [what did you think would come of this really, Mia, there's only so much 'trouble' they can get into and they don't care] Jimmy: [and like if you thought Grace would be embarrassed and that would drive a wedge you haven't considered that 1. she's a hoe 2. so much worse shit gets said about the cali fam as standard] Janis: [it's gonna get worse if they come in your room later in this trip so like, blow your load now alright girl] Jimmy: [which needs to happen because that was the fake injury moment and was iconic] Janis: [mhmm] Janis: OI DICKHEAD REMEMBER TO LOOK 😍 WHEN YOU READ THIS 😘 Jimmy: [does a real little lol and then looks at her IRL with fake longing] Jimmy: Alright? Janis: 👌 Janis: No one is gonna think it's over this food, so yeah, it'll do Jimmy: 👍 Jimmy: bit rude they're trying to poison us before we do it ourselves Janis: tell he's the maths teacher Janis: not following the plot here Jimmy: might 🔪 the messenger if he's going that hard with the Shakespeare but alright Jimmy: I'll obvs die for you Janis: the bruises aren't that bad Jimmy: they look 🥇 from here Janis: [a LOOK from across the room] Janis: done the job, like Jimmy: [one back of course that's really lingering to really make the point] Jimmy: as they go, pissing about with you for a bit's not as bad as cleaning 🚽 Jimmy: don't get a massive head over it but Janis: unlikely Janis: generous and forthcoming with the 🥇 compliments as you are Jimmy: Oi, don't forget my 🥇💡 Janis: you got your recognition Jimmy: piss easy to get more Janis: obviously Janis: but what next Janis: aside from all this nerd flirting business Jimmy: Depends Janis: ? Jimmy: how you feeling? Jimmy: you look a bit cold to me Janis: [looks down at nips lmao] Jimmy: [he wants to lol but is 😏 cos he comes over to her and puts his hoodie on her, like enjoy the show everyone] Janis: alright, fairplay Janis: [snuggling in like full smug suck it everyone] Jimmy: check the pockets 🎁💕 Jimmy: [has drawn her something and written a little love note for the added brag] Janis: [making a big show of being extra secretive and trying to look at it privately so everyone on the table is 👀] Jimmy: [he made sure it was extra thankfully in case they can see and didn't write like oi dickhead] Janis: I'll 📸 it later Janis: was 🤞 for some 🚬s Jimmy: I've kept hold of them Jimmy: find me later Janis: very see me after class vibes Janis: alright Jimmy: if you wanna stick your uniform on for the 📸 go ahead, mate Janis: 💔 I didn't bring it with Janis: could wait but Jimmy: 💀👑 will be, mad for a uniform, her Janis: so I've heard Janis: what is it then, little apron Jimmy: [sends the CG instagram cos he won't have random pics of himself in his uniform on his phone] Janis: very Janis: starbucks lite Jimmy: they'll be 🎻💔😭 Janis: delete this comment 'fore I hit send Jimmy: already @ed it to 'em Janis: 🐍 you are Jimmy: got the fang marks to prove it, you Janis: now she's punched us with a brush as well quite sore tbh Jimmy: poor baby Janis: yes you're very concerned Janis: Mr Lucas is Jimmy: gutted he can't kiss you better is what he is Janis: idk, maybe he's 🎻💔😭 'cos you've ruined me Jimmy: very old school, that Jimmy: you're alright, I got no STI's Janis: @him Jimmy: what's his @? Janis: @virginsonly Jimmy: did he used to work at the local catholic or what? Janis: just to the point and selective, I think Jimmy: now I'm 🎻💔😭 Jimmy: why ain't I good enough for you sir? Fucking LOVE me, like Janis: and scene 🎬👏 Jimmy: Hang on, I need to be standing on this table Janis: 😏 Janis: love that for him, you fully crack after what, a month or so of bumming Jimmy: when you know you know, mate Jimmy: what we've got is SO real Janis: of course it is Jimmy: speaking of, what are we doing in a bit? Janis: having a 🚬 Janis: you said Jimmy: I mean are we 🎻💔😭 apart like 🤓 or 💕 together like 😎 Jimmy: how do you want the 🎬? Jimmy: can do loads with socials either @ or with Janis: whatever she says Janis: or fucks Janis: 🤓 is how she actually kicks it so Janis: 😎 is better Janis: what can they do, send us home Jimmy: 🤞 Janis: pay for my cab 'cos not gonna get my mum out here Janis: starcrossed love is the way to go, so, max sneaking for 💘 Jimmy: Alright Janis: you don't give a shit, right? Jimmy: about what? Janis: potential trouble, this trips' educational value, etc Jimmy: What kind of question is that? Janis: just making sure Jimmy: [comes over to her again and whispers in her ear 'there's your answer' cos he really gives a shit about absolutely nothing rn and the teachers would be fuming cos stop it boy] Janis: [when the 😏 is real 'cos likewise, cares about nothing and is so bored of everyone and everything but obvs the quick kiss is to piss 'em off further] Jimmy: [when you turn it into more a kiss ™ as if you can't not because you can't get enough of her but not so much that you're Mia on the coach about it] Janis: [know people are gonna be highkey anyways like why not lads] Jimmy: [exactly and loads of 'em are putting it on their stories etc blatantly so] Janis: [#exposure] Jimmy: [I feel like the teachers should make either him or her go to their room because the kind of bullshit that achieves nothing like are you gonna make sure they stay there or what] Janis: [literally, like oh, without supervision, at least you've been smart enough to just send the one but still, it should be him I think] Janis: 🍀 Jimmy: [sends a pic of him on his bed really comfy like but if anyone sees it looks like an I wish you were here kinda thing instead of rubbing it in lol] Janis: twat Janis: i've got to stay here and do fucking 'fun' team building bullshit Jimmy: if you can't get yourself sent out, then you can't, babe Jimmy: if any dickhead were capable of 🥇 you wouldn't need me Janis: 😒 Janis: they aren't gonna send us both out, even they aren't quite that thick Janis: rude Jimmy: they can't stop you going for a piss, even Mia's dad would win that case and he is that thick Jimmy: you don't go back and what? Janis: they definitely go to our rooms Janis: so where are we going? Jimmy: where do you wanna go? Janis: wherever, far away enough from the windows and we'll be alright Jimmy: Come on then Janis: post that pic whilst you're waiting Jimmy: [does obviously] Janis: [posts his doodle in the comments of people saying how cute he is like IKR] Jimmy: you're a good actor an' all Janis: Take my bow as I make my escape Jimmy: head that big, ain't an easy feat not to topple over Janis: what I'm hearing is, you think I'm well impressive Jimmy: didn't realise you were deaf, my little brother will be chuffed to bits Janis: not gonna fake meet your family Janis: calm yourself down, boy Jimmy: weren't asking you to Jimmy: steady on, girl Janis: mhmm, what was that? Janis: my selective hearing couldn't make it out Jimmy: [sends a voice memo but instead of calling her a dickhead or something because he doesn't know where she is rn and who might here it's like I SAID COME HERE] Jimmy: [*hear I cannot type today at all] Janis: 👏 Janis: I am omw Janis: please make sure you are decent Jimmy: as an actor? 👌 Janis: was thinking don't open the door naked either Janis: but maybe those two can't coexist Jimmy: stop thinking about me naked, Judith Janis: you started it Jimmy: Calm yourself down, so bloody extra, you Janis: oh sorry, didn't know I was in a groupchat with the GALS Jimmy: 😱😱😱 Janis: prepare to be that #shook Janis: [turn up to collect him] Jimmy: [does an IRL equivalent of 😱] Janis: ['come on, kev' 😏] Jimmy: [we out of here] Janis: [go for your smoke lads 'so what #content are we getting out of this?'] Jimmy: [they should do the sexy blowback thing purely for #content obvs] Janis: [purely, mhmm] Jimmy: [and I vote she should sit on his lap for the first time cos casual 🚬 photoshoot happening] Janis: [gotta make sure you're in shot, all of this is well necessary] Jimmy: [you wouldn't wanna be out of frame and have to take these pics all over again oh no] Janis: [that would just not be on brand, arty boy] Jimmy: [I love how extra you two are immediately, it's literally my fave thing] Janis: [fully could have stayed in your room and been like ha soz but no] Jimmy: [you should wanna be caught but we know why you don't] Janis: [the tea, the pretense of taking videos and pics is so flimsy but at least you tried and didn't just go to makeout] Jimmy: [and at least there will be actual #content because anything that annoys Mia gives me life] Janis: [exactly dr phil you're allowed] Jimmy: [what else can these little rebhogs do?] Janis: [maybe if the teachers are looking for her again, and now him 'cos checked their rooms, they can come back in together and be like, it's not fair to leave Jimmy out 'cos not and then just be couply af whilst doing whatever evening activity 'til bed] Jimmy: [I'll allow it because their teachers are clearly shit and like they've already given them their punishment to clean up everyone's rooms tomorrow so as far as they are concerned job done] Janis: [can't stop teen hormones and didn't come on the trip to be in his room so yolo, then Mia will be annoyed again 'cos no one is getting in trouble] Jimmy: [yeah she'd be trying to cause shit in this activity no doubt, ooh maybe that's when she or Ella gets hurt and makes a meal of it so it's not even the same day as Janis they are just trying to milk it that hard] Janis: [a mood, can also put an end to everyone's fun low-key, tah ladies] Jimmy: no oscar for her Janis: How is she that bad at it when she's faked every boy she's been with is Mia? Janis: poor show Jimmy: brb I gotta @ my dad to tell him my brother ain't the biggest cry baby going and pour bleach into my eyes and ears Janis: bit insensitive on the ears but yeah Janis: 🙄 Jimmy: *🤢 Jimmy: 💀#2💕💀👑 Janis: it has been a few hours since they last purged probs Janis: explains everything Jimmy: tah for another lovely visual Jimmy: SUCH #couplegoals them Janis: your toothbrush is my toothbrush, babe Jimmy: I were thinking if you come round early enough in the morning without waking Gracie when you do we can make it look like you stayed and we're sneaking you out when the dickhead I'm sharing with wakes up Janis: That's a good idea Janis: she gets up early, so it'd feel more like late night but still works Janis: they should all be up to, even if their end result is more 'natural' Jimmy: be piss easy to make sure enough of 'em see you then Jimmy: me an' all when I walk you back Janis: right to the door Janis: well gentlemanly Janis: less so if I invite you in for round two but that depends who's seen and who's still watching, obvs Jimmy: 💰 on Mr Lucas from the bushes Janis: 🤞 Janis: nice to know he still cares, like Jimmy: it's all #bants til he comes out of the shrubs with a 💍 Janis: 😬 Jimmy: soz mate, bit rude to get your hopes up Janis: now you can't read facial expressions 😎boy Jimmy: never said I could Jimmy: just lips, and I ain't looking at yours unless the rest of the dickheads are 👀 at us Janis: facetime goodnight would be a little much Jimmy: unless 💀👑 is tucked up with Grace while her missus is in sick bay Janis: thankfully not Janis: can't come in without being invited Jimmy: you'd know about that vampire girl Janis: says you Janis: very tender, as I previously mentioned Jimmy: I did say it, yeah, and I previously mentioned how sympathetic I was an' all Janis: not your most convincing work Jimmy: 💔 Janis: yeah, you should feel bad Jimmy: for which bit? Janis: your shit performance Janis: obvs Jimmy: Oi Jimmy: I ain't given a single shit performance Janis: your sympathy just seems very disingenuous to me Jimmy: Baby, I'm so sorry Janis: more like it Janis: believe you've done this before now Jimmy: done what before, said sorry or left a lass needing a 🩹? Janis: had a girlfriend Janis: soz Mr Lucas Jimmy: no need to @ him Janis: another secret to keep? Janis: I dunno Jimmy: the secret that I ain't gay is already out, mate Janis: devastated Janis: gay bff is probably well more up their street than boyfriend tbh Jimmy: probably not too late to go for that Jimmy: if you really wanna Jimmy: come round and I'll plait your hair or some bollocks Jimmy: you already know my crushes Janis: 🤢 Janis: is what I think to that suggestion Janis: 💘 easier to fake Jimmy: for you 'cause I'm well fit and mysterious Janis: for me 'cos I don't have to talk to you half as much this way Jimmy: you can be the strong silent type any way we play this, Jasmine Jimmy: it's alright Janis: nah Janis: as I said, the straight girls will be more up on you, if anything Janis: and the gay boys would actually be 💔 from the queer bait so probs don't Jimmy: #whenshecaresaboutsparingyoudickpicDMs Jimmy: I get it, I don't deserve you, sweetheart Janis: don't have time to count all the ways you're so lucky to have me Janis: cataloging all these dick pics Jimmy: be a #goals tweet though Jimmy: hang on fans, I'm so lucky I ran out of characters Janis: have that for free Janis: need to up my cute though Janis: not my fault I can't draw Jimmy: yeah you can Jimmy: that 🎨 of Mia and her dad cracking onto each other was a top masterpiece Jimmy: [is tweeting about how lucky he is to have her obvs] Janis: you're a sick, sick boy Jimmy: came from your 🧠 girl Jimmy: I just appreciated it, what you do with #art Janis: never said I weren't as well Janis: have to admit they might have us both beat though Jimmy: true 💕 Jimmy: nowt we can do to compete with owt that real Jimmy: or that twisted Janis: unless you are 45 Janis: little bit of tan and we could sell that you're my dad Jimmy: Northern 45 is a southern twat's 95 Jimmy: dunno if black face is the way to go though, mate Jimmy: ain't worked out brilliantly for loads of others Janis: you wanted twisted Jimmy: but the deal is, when you want me 💀💀💀 you do the deed yourself Jimmy: don't need Bill rising from ⚰ pissed off about another rewrite Janis: alright, pair of spoilsports Janis: how you wanna go out then Janis: 💣 🧨 🪓 🔪 🗡 ⚔️ 💊 💉 🪒 Jimmy: lasses first, would hate to ✔ your fave Jimmy: loads you missed an' all Jimmy: 🏑🏏🏹⛸🔧🔨🛁 Janis: 🤔 Janis: probably 🔪 Janis: or 🔨 maybe Janis: most personal Janis: how about you? Jimmy: Depends Jimmy: are we gonna do #matching or different? Janis: You only get one Janis: I'll kill you any way you like Jimmy: hot Janis: 🔥 Janis: but I won't be cuddling up to your crispy corpse Jimmy: Fuck me, I forgot one an' all! Janis: I mean, possibilities are endless Janis: but 💏 🤵👰 🤰 👶 is boring and not worth mentioning Jimmy: don't try and make me feel better, baby, fuming I am Jimmy: and now I dunno if I want 🔪 for the wound 🎨 or 🔨 for the 🩸 splatter 🎨 Jimmy: fuck's sake Janis: I'll stab you but not let you bleed out Janis: take some #aes photos and then 🔨 final blow Janis: there you go Jimmy: that's the cutest thing I've ever heard, you don't need to work on nowt Jimmy: 🥇 you Janis: I'd screenshot asap then, if Mia wouldn't call the 👮 like the concerned Karen she is Jimmy: [writes some actual cute shit that everybody will eat up] Jimmy: type that out and screenshot it Janis: nice that you 💘 yourself so much that you can think of all that 😏 Janis: [does though] Jimmy: piss easy when they don't know who I am Janis: yeah Janis: don't need to tell me Jimmy: 🤐 Janis: it's the shit they do know that's unavoidable Janis: like Mick Jagger being my dad Jimmy: bit rude he didn't teach you nowt about how to perform but I'll carry us both til you figure it out Janis: got the opposite in writing somewhere in this convo Janis: don't be bitter 'cos I'm 🥇 without having to do as much Jimmy: You're only that good if you can do his hip move Jimmy: and there's not gonna be any evidence of that about anywhere Janis: not that committed to the bit, rat boy Jimmy: there you go then Jimmy: take 🥈 and piss off, bad blood Janis: you piss off, dickhead Jimmy: or what? Janis: I'll smack you Jimmy: go on Jimmy: hit me hard enough and I can get out of doing our bollocks punishment Janis: I think not Janis: I'll go to the sick bay and you can carry cleanup too as you're so smug Jimmy: I get it, you miss El Jimmy: she is a fucking delight Janis: it's like she's constantly on the blob, which is ironic Jimmy: she's given 💀👑 her 🩸💦 and 😥 today Jimmy: if anyone's smug it'll be that pair Janis: unacceptable Janis: especially after I made smoking the opposite of GROSS Jimmy: we've done alright Janis: it'll be 🤯 come morning though Jimmy: you reckon? Janis: don't you? Jimmy: I reckon she needs to 👀 it for herself to be 🤯 Janis: maybe Janis: she's got form for being that bitch Jimmy: if we can't guarantee she'll be about in the morning, we'll have to do something when she is later Janis: yeah Janis: no need to put out the 🔥 before this bullshit trip is over Janis: even by their standards, not a good look Jimmy: right Janis: after that Janis: not got to think about them or that shithole for three weeks so Jimmy: you're decent at pillow talk, Jenna Janis: 👍 Janis: how do we end this Janis: in a way that still fucks them off somehow Jimmy: How do they get chucked? Jimmy: just do the opposite when you decide to bin me off Janis: when? Jimmy: Dunno when I'll be pissing off out of 🍀 yet Jimmy: but 🤞 you won't see me back at school Janis: I get it Janis: we used to move around a lot, when we were younger, I don't remember it much Jimmy: if Ian's still being a knobhead and I am about, do it then Janis: alright Jimmy: alright, give me a bell when you're on your way back to my door, I'll get you in without waking him Janis: he's a heavy sleeper Jimmy: how do you know? Janis: my cousin Janis: used to be closer, when we was kids, sleepovers n shit Jimmy: you should've said Jimmy: wouldn't have made you put on a show in front of him Janis: I don't care Janis: why he left in a hurry though Jimmy: do you want me to meet you at yours in a bit instead? Janis: can do Janis: more guarantee of seeing them then Janis: come to vet her outfit or whatever Jimmy: what time's Grace up? Jimmy: I'll be there an hour before, still give me time to get in and us set up if she wakes any earlier Janis: Our first thing is at 9, yeah? Janis: if she's having breakfast, 6.30, if not, 7 Janis: 6 should be fine Jimmy: 👍 Janis: get some sleep Janis: not enough you don't look shagged out, of course Jimmy: how you were going on earlier I thought she were gonna get up before the sun bothered Janis: I forgot Janis: school's earlier and our bus takes even longer Janis: she has to go to bed like a 👵 Jimmy: bet that goes down well with the lads Janis: dunno Janis: that's what weekends are for, right Jimmy: Dunno Jimmy: my ex near enough moved herself in Jimmy: very #goals obvs Janis: she don't last long enough to do that Jimmy: didn't need to Sherlock that Jimmy: goes without saying or sleuthing Janis: 🐇🐇🐇 Jimmy: shut up and get to bed Janis: rude Jimmy: is it? Jimmy: or is it thoughtful and 💕? Janis: put out a twitter poll if you like Janis: I'll be here not sleeping Jimmy: Alright, sod you then Janis: sweet dreams Jimmy: never said I were sleeping Janis: tell me if we're posting it and I'll fake enthusiasm at whatever you're doing instead Janis: don't want the sexts to be one-sided Jimmy: we should probably be together by now far as the fans know Jimmy: you're alright Janis: true Janis: mutual masturbation less of a flex Jimmy: Save it for the LDR Janis: you're alright, won't make you do it when you get home Janis: find a new fake boyf to keep them off my dick Jimmy: you can't dump me the second I do one, wouldn't be #goals Jimmy: starcrossed is our brand, mate Janis: awh, babe, you'd do that for me?! 💕 Jimmy: and myself, fuck all's gonna change when I leave here Jimmy: not just being racist against paddys, like Janis: if you go back, won't you have all your mates Jimmy: and what? Janis: well, you won't be new boy Janis: no one needs to follow you about and generally be a massive tit, like Jimmy: home's got bigger tits Jimmy: if that's where we go, and if not, new town, same bollocks Janis: well, LDR even easier Janis: can drop you an OTT caption whenever Jimmy: that'll be why I propositioned you again, my dear Janis: what does that mean? Jimmy: you said it, this is about making our lives easier Jimmy: wouldn't force you into an LDR if it were some 🎻🎻 hardship Janis: yeah Janis: alright Jimmy: what? Janis: I meant when you first asked, for now Jimmy: You wanna know why I asked? Janis: yeah Janis: me, specifically, I know why we're doing it Jimmy: 'cause I could do Jimmy: and we're both fit and mysterious, duh Janis: 👌 Jimmy: Go on, why did you say yeah? Janis: 'cos I'm fit and mysterious, why else Jimmy: 👌 Janis: forget I asked Jimmy: Why? I reckon it's what you'd call a valid question Janis: 'cos you didn't tell me anything I didn't know already Jimmy: everyone knows how fit you are Janis: not all wearing 😎 Jimmy: there you go then Janis: bed now Jimmy: save telling me what to do for when there's loads of dickheads about to see and hear how well I do it Janis: it's a polite way to tell you to shut up Jimmy: northern, not that thick Jimmy: take the compliment, dickhead Janis: don't need it Janis: my head is massive as is Jimmy: What do you need? Jimmy: 🚬? Janis: couldn't hurt Janis: what the packets say, right Jimmy: Close enough, come here Janis: [show up] Jimmy: [we know the drill he's lighting up for you gal, god knows how long you've been out there boy dealing the drama that is Ian looking after his own kids for an evening] Janis: [we smoking in silence] Jimmy: [what a nice throwback to the PE moment that started all this] Janis: [Ella stay away] Jimmy: [everyone leave them be tbh] Janis: [when so much drama has gone down already like the levels of not expecting this] Jimmy: [we are so rude soz lads] Janis: [we all know who's fault it actually is, and also that you're about it so Jimmy: [even if neither of you expected to be this about it and are now shooketh] Janis: [hence what is lowkey an awkward silence but both of you usually are so you can play it ain't] Jimmy: [so casual so fine] Janis: [again, not as if you've chosen to spend time together when you don't need to] Jimmy: [makes me lol same as all these convos you're keeping going beyond needing to, but we should say he takes a pic of her under the pretence of like hm idk when I might need this/ we can use it to pretend you're with me if you're not at some point etc but it seems so rude like oh this is just a job every second I have to be doing something I deffo don't wanna spend any time with you just because] Jimmy: [but we know she really just looks beautiful and he's an art hoe] Janis: ['could've warned us, where was my two hours?'] Jimmy: [😏 and offers to take it again with a gesture but you know he's not deleting that OG pic ever] Janis: [🖕 like have that] Jimmy: [😘 like he did to sir when he left] Janis: [wiping her cheek like it hit her] Jimmy: [does a really fake look around for fans lurking] Janis: [raising brow like you know its just us] Jimmy: [shrug cos it's so casual so fine] Janis: [shrugs back but OTT like one up you] Jimmy: [lights a new 🚬 because 1. he's been out there ages so he would've been nearly done when she appeared 2. to prove that he don't feel awks at all and could stay here all night] Janis: [puts her hand out like gimme your lighter] Jimmy: [does but with a raised brow of his own] Janis: [just playing with it 'not suggesting arson, s'boring'] Jimmy: [💔 mime for the first time] Janis: ['poor baby'] Jimmy: [pouty little lip like baby me] Janis: [loling but reminded so 'I'll bite it off next time'] Jimmy: [irl 🤞] Janis: [🙄😏] Jimmy: [gets a snack of some kind out like better eat this while I still can then] Janis: ['did you not eat enough at dinner?'] Jimmy: [🙄😏 but chucks some at her] Janis: ['too busy staring, I remember'] Jimmy: ['bit busy getting chucked out 'cause you don't know owt about being cute'] Janis: [😒 'yeah, that's why'] Jimmy: ['gotta keep it goals if you can't, yeah'] Janis: ['fuck off'] Jimmy: [looks down at his 🚬 which he ain't done with like no shan't] Janis: ['do it by yourself then' 'cos done enough with yours to throw it like good day] Jimmy: [just looking at her like bye then] Janis: [👋 '6 o'clock'] Jimmy: [when you get right in her grill and it's really hot but then you just take your lighter back] Janis: [making an 'ugh' sound] Jimmy: [hasn't moved away so is still very much in her grill and just zipping her hoodie up which is actually his like it's such a long cold walk back when it's neither because you gotta prove that 'cute' comes that effortlessly to you obvs and she sucks but it's just hot because the tension] Janis: [pushing him back, not really hard or anything but enough to ramp up that tension] Jimmy: [when you say 'piss off then' but you're saying it like a challenge not to] Janis: [just looking at him like nah] Jimmy: [LOOKING at her] Janis: ['stop it' but again, a challenge] Jimmy: ['stop what?' because I dare you to acknowledge that something is happening here, gal] Janis: ['you know' 'cos likewise] Jimmy: ['you'] Janis: [points at him] Jimmy: [signs it] Janis: [gonna assume she knows what he's doing but not what he's saying here 'hardly fair'] Jimmy: [scoffs because nothing about any of this is fair or what he signed up for 'playing to win, not fair' but shows her how to do it and what it means then adding whatever he needs to add to change it into 'you're a dickhead' signed which makes me lol imagining what that probably is] Janis: ['alright, Mia' but 😏 and going with this impromptu lesson here] Jimmy: [having a lovely time as if all of that didn't just happen] Janis: [tralalalalala] Jimmy: [it's literally an immediate headfuck, well done lads] Janis: [lmao how could it not be tbh] Jimmy: [if it was actually all fake but we know it never has been or could be cos he chose her for a reason] Janis: [you could've chose someone well below you and just played 'em] Jimmy: [thank god you didn't sir because that wouldn't have been as fun on any level for any of us] Janis: [you aren't that sort of boy is the tea] Jimmy: [my softest in my army of soft boys is the tea] Janis: [mhmm, and you wouldn't have said yes, even though it does benefit you too, if you didn't think he was hot and intriguing so] Jimmy: [anyway teach her the sign for goodnight and then do one please Jimothy or else I won't be able to stop you from doing something which only works if someone appears or you think they have which is unlikely] Janis: [literally got to see each other in a few so time to go lol] Jimmy: [let's skip to him showing up at 6] Jimmy: Oi Janis: [letting him in as a response 'cos obvs up and ready, likewise gonna make you be top bunk so you have to do the most to be quiet] Jimmy: [we know if he's slept at all it's barely so that'll look legit, casually stripping so you can leave your clothes on the floor for Grace and Co to see which means he has to climb up there in just his pants lol] Janis: [likewise, especially after-all that tension but always really, casually looking away so dramatically as if you don't have to get in that single bed with him now] Jimmy: [looking at her while she's looking away because she hasn't gotten any uglier since you saw her last and you're like well fuck this is gonna be interesting] Janis: [oh lads what have you got yourselves into, coming up and casually giving yourselves as much space as you physically can 'cos not as if they're gonna burst in the door any second now and this is just casual, taking off your top so you're in your bra and shorts moment] Jimmy: [when you don't wanna stare at her doing that so you're looking down and it hits you that you're topless too but there's not a single bruise anywhere there so you're like ! and your hand automatically goes to your neck but your foot nudges her] Janis: [turning 'round like excuse me 'cos think he's just being annoying but then you look and then look some more 'til you're like 'oh' everything whispered as per, so then you look down at your own body like, yeah] Jimmy: [to casually avoid following her gaze down her own body because ofc you don't wanna look don't be silly looking at her hands to see how long her nails are, like are back scratches too far or wtf because this is the life we're living kids] Janis: [pretending you think he means he wants you to choke him and going for the throat 'cos cannot be serious about this rn] Jimmy: [so 😒 because she caught you off guard with that and you nearly said something along the lines of oi or piss off at normal volume so you're mad at yourself for being an amateur] Janis: [gently pushing his shoulder like soz but also come on 'you can go first then'] Jimmy: [pushing her down onto the bed slightly less gently but obvs not hard lol and going for it  because if you start to think or say something you'll be like this is too much wtf is my life rn and then you're look like even more of an amateur] Janis: [when once it's happening, you can bite your lip all you like but you didn't expect the push down so you can't stop yourself from making the noise] Jimmy: [don't worry gal because that noise would have got to him as much as the push got to you and you'll be able to get your own back soon] Janis: [when you don't wanna tell him to stop but that's purely 'cos you need to prove you got this, not that it's enjoyable or anything, nah] Jimmy: [I'm loling because he's really just going to town on her as if anyone's looking that closely even Mia ready to be like I don't think you really hooked up because there isn't a love bite there, I'm so sure a few would get the point across boy but okay] Janis: [like, the state of undress you don't need to be in April cannot be overstated, the teachers are gonna be fuming at the state of you two lmao] Jimmy: [also you don't need to have your hands on her in any way whatsoever while this is happening but you clearly do] Janis: [we doing the most to stay quiet here, like low-key shouldn't you make a little noise so you can be caught but nah, eventually you gotta blurt out 'come on' but do you mean stop or hurry up or more, we'll never know] Jimmy: [when you take it to mean hurry up like she's so over this because there's a big part of you that thinks she's totally faking this, thanks for those issues parentals so you do hurry up/stop losing yourself how you were for a bit there and go back to treating it like a job] Janis: [we can feel the difference and we're, surely not sad, no, who cares, not you babe, in fact, 'my turn' and flipping him so you on top now] Jimmy: [wasn't expecting that after what she said and how he interpreted it so 'fuck' escapes and we know it's not in an angry way] Janis: [just gotta go in on it too 'cos can't be thinking about that or this will go even further right now] Jimmy: [time to bite your own lip really hard jimothy because not only is this gonna feel incredible but when she's moving you can see at least some of the ones you've given her so] Janis: [we're going so much lower than we need to, like they can fill in the gaps without you doing a hickie on his hip like] Jimmy: [RIP this boy cos he's got no clothes on and nowhere to hide] Janis: [soz for the blueballing] Jimmy: [great way to start your day you won't be 😒 at all] Janis: [when it could lowkey be an hour 'til they wake up like what are you gonna do] Jimmy: [not gonna be able to casually nap after that lads] Janis: [have to find a way to fill the time] Jimmy: [we know what you wanna do but no no, gutted that you can't even stress smoke in case you wake her up by going outside] Janis: [lmao drag this out for as long as you can without turning him totally purple] Jimmy: [at least you'll have an excuse to do more on her if she's gone harder on you so you don't have to awkwardly sit there] Janis: [we know you're just making out without making out, like, 'cos no excuse for that] Jimmy: [shameless] Janis: [truly, then we just laying here like, 'cos can't even wake Grace up really 'cos need the others to see too so] Jimmy: [we all know she's not the real target audience, so just awkwardly stare at the ceiling and calm down kids cos it's too risky to look at each other rn] Janis: [or say anything, not just 'cos volume] Jimmy: [mhmm but when you feel up to it Jimothy you can take a look at yourself in your phone camera because DO NOT look at her like it's just a job and you're checking out how well she's done] Janis: [when you force yourself to look in his direction finally, 'cos you don't want him to potentially infer anything from your silence,  so you watch him do this, and then position your body is a mid-fuck kinda position like, go on then and mime 📸] Jimmy: [at least he can throw himself into the technical aspects of this photoshoot moment like a nerd so he doesn't have to think about how good she looks or how lowkey hot it is that you've gotta just move her around] Janis: [we're all pretending this is purely business, taking our own 📸 of him above you with his] Jimmy: [casual excuse to actually kiss for the 📸 which you think will make this tension better but actually makes it worse] Janis: [so 😤 on the low like thanks a lot] Jimmy: [such good practice for when you have to keep making out and breaking apart in the future as the flat whites go to and fro and a flex that you're so unfazed by any of this that you can stop whenever you want because it's SO fake but such agony actually] Janis: [just staying on your phone like this is casual and you have other things to do] Jimmy: [when I'm gonna start a convo purely because he wants her attention lol] Jimmy: nowt we've forgot is there? Janis: don't think so Janis: go down and get your t-shirt for me to protect my modesty once they get here Jimmy: 👍 Janis: you think you're such a pro at cute, suggest away, like Jimmy: can't bring you a ☕ much as they'd think that were #ultimategoals Janis: missing your steamer? Janis: s'nice Jimmy: have to get steamy in the 🚿 when they show up instead then Jimmy: won't be as cute 💔 Janis: don't put yourself down just 'cos they replace serotonin with caffeine 💘 Jimmy: thinking of you having to put up with me in another confined space Janis: I'm not actually getting in the shower with you Jimmy: [really fake shocked face like what??!] Jimmy: tah for clearing that up, mate, could've been a bit awkward Janis: [pushing him like 🙄] Janis: shut up Jimmy: [mimes 🤐 as he pushes her back so that's lowkey sexy excuse you boy] Janis: [turning your back on him like boy bye but there's 0 way that's not a spooning situation so] Jimmy: [living for the excuse to touch her hair because it's in your grill] Janis: you reckon we should Jimmy: ? Janis: 🚿 Janis: or was you joking Jimmy: don't you want a bit of time behind a locked door? Janis: in an ideal world you wouldn't be there but yeah, 'course Jimmy: forget I am Janis: easier said than done Janis: 😏 Jimmy: 👻 Jimmy: shouldn't be no challenge in it Janis: you leave marks Janis: poltergeist motherfucker Jimmy: [does a there there pat on her back] Jimmy: should've stopped me if I hurt you Janis: [kicking back] Janis: yeah right Jimmy: [retaliates like oi] Janis: [playfight 'I'll hurt you'] Jimmy: ['go on' because we're forever one challenge away from going too far] Janis: ['it doesn't count if you ask for it' but we LOOKING at him] Jimmy: [LOOKING back at her because always 'weren't like I said please'] Janis: ['where are your manners?'] Jimmy: [leans way further in than he needs to for whispering 'not that good of an actor' okay we get it Jimothy you think you're so 😎 and a bad boy but you not okay deal with it] Janis: [when you 'ha!' at practically normal volume such is your disbelief at this, sir] Jimmy: [putting a finger to her lips like shh because why just say it when you could be saucy as hell] Janis: [biting said finger as if this will actually hurt and not just add to this vibe alright] Jimmy: [pulling her hair by that same logic] Janis: [matching that 'fuck-' energy of his from earlier but adding '-you' in any vain attempt at saving face as you take his hand from your hair and pin it above your heads] Jimmy: [1000% is allowing this and is about to kiss her so we're gonna have to say that like Grace's alarm goes off or something to remind y'all what you're meant to be doing here] Janis: [when it's fine that the 'shit!' comes out 'cos it's showtime anyways] Jimmy: [pretend to be asleep kids that way you can take a sec and a deep breath] Janis: [lowkey hiding under these covers rn] Jimmy: [#mood cos Grace is gonna be so shook that Jimmy is here] Janis: [like soz girl] Jimmy: [run to the bathroom gal, it's fine he's not looking at you] Janis: [just don't run out screaming tah] Jimmy: [do we wanna say that the flatwhites all assemble here to get ready so they have to put on more of a show or say they show up in a bit so they don't?] Janis: [hmm, oh, maybe for the drama they show up later like let's ride 'cos obviously they don't KNOW this has gone down so then Mia will be really pissed off with Grace like um why did you not tell us so then they'll be being dicks to her again moreso?] Jimmy: [okay I love that, makes Grace get changed because she's mad, fuck you fashion police] Janis: [something even more unsuitable, lucky you don't break a leg she's already clumsy you know this] Jimmy: [also OMG you know we said they should see Mia cheat on Pablo it should be the boy that Grace was flirting with when they won that activity] Janis: [deffo, like that's what you get] Jimmy: [but for now she's in the bathroom getting ready with music on so like enjoy your awks alone time JJ] Janis: [at least you can get up, 'cos you know she'll be ages, and open the window to get some air] Jimmy: [lowkey just waking your siblings up for school like oi don't be late without me there or sort you out] Jimmy: [*to] Janis: [putting his top on for now, even if it's purely to whip it off when the flat whites arrive 'cos that effortless ladies, cry about it] Jimmy: [like you could put your trousers on boy but we know you won't] Janis: [like makes sense for your purpose but it's so distracting] Jimmy: [clearly you hope it is cos you're still dying over everything that happened and don't wanna be the only one] Janis: [we know you both are but keep doing the most to hide it like that's even possible god bless] Jimmy: [just casually making himself so comfy in this bed she got out of like everything's fine] Janis: [shaking her head] Jimmy: [a look like what?] Janis: [quieter but no need to whisper fully 'do this often?'] Jimmy: [says the 'what?' this time] Janis: [eyes in the direction of the bathroom like, let's not give the whole thing away, yeah 'you know'] Jimmy: ['what kind of question's that?' because imagine if that was the life he was living just fake girlfriends everywhere lol] Janis: [shrugs 'you look very at home'] Jimmy: [🙄 as he makes himself even more comfy, like there's no way he could actually get any sleep til the flatwhites come but that's what he's pretending] Janis: [tuts 'my bed, you know'] Jimmy: [eyes closed and a fake yawn 'not a very #goals attitude that, meant to be about what's yours being mine, as my missus'] Janis: ['yeah, well, I'm meant to hog the covers, not you the entire bed'] Jimmy: ['come here then'] Janis: [human equivalent of ?] Jimmy: [makes space for her and pulls back the covers like you heard me] Janis: [you know this isn't a good idea but look weird if you don't now, like sure let's totally snooze mhmm] Jimmy: [deliberately chucking all the covers over her like 😏] Janis: [cocoons self 'thanks, dick'] Jimmy: [pulls them back off and you think he's gonna start a playfight or be a dick in some way but he just takes the t-shirt off her and throws it back on the floor as if they are actually gonna fall asleep and miss the flatwhites arrival in any way, we see you boy, how intimate and suggestive of you] Janis: [just staring, shooketh 'I might've been cold'] Jimmy: [tucks her back in cos you're a soft boy and you have to make sure she isn't just in case she wasn't joking and snuggling into her because 1.warmth 2. you don't know how long Grace takes in the bathroom 3.lack of space doesn't really give you a choice but to spoon] Janis: ['so weird, new boy' but soft and letting it all happen, obvs] Jimmy: [shhing her but even softer because their weirdness is meant to be a secret if they are gonna be goals and also duh it's sleepy time™ except not at all] Janis: [pressing back into him and turning your head back purely to whisper 'and rude' like gurl] Jimmy: [making a sound because of that movement that we can try and pretend is an exasperated sigh but obviously isn't] Janis: [shhing him like 😏] Jimmy: [writes some kind of insult on her with his fingertip than she won't be able to make out because it's the first time basically] Janis: [excessive wriggling like don't tickle me] Jimmy: [DYING rn so he can't even say anything or do anything but try not to die] Janis: ['shell be forever, you know'] Jimmy: [me just like oh no how am I gonna cockblock this and it's literally been a day lol] Janis: ['your roommate won't be up, is what I'm saying, if we've got any chance of getting a shower today'] Jimmy: [just looking at her because the last thing you wanna do rn is move unless it's closer to her but she obviously can't see you looking at her so you have to say something boy 'you don't reckon that might wake him up?'] Janis: ['I don't reckon he fancies you so much he'll get out of his pit just to 'catch' you in the shower, no' pausing for a bit before shrugging 'it was your idea, like'] Jimmy: ['my idea for when we had an audience' but shrugs back] Janis: ['I'm going then, before we do, be right back' getting up] Jimmy: [obvs going with cos he doesn't wanna stay here on his own] Janis: ['can take it in turns, I weren't saying-' gestures like you know, even though you definitely were you've taken his response as a message to cool down, getting your toiletries and heading for the door] Jimmy: [following her as soon as you've got enough clothes on] Janis: [sneksnek] Jimmy: [take a cold shower it's very much needed] Janis: [let you go first boy] Jimmy: [please don't take forever or she's just there watching her cousin sleep] Janis: [bit weird lmao] Jimmy: [imagine how awks when he comes out and she goes in and they just do that switcharoo that'd be weird too] Janis: [hope you've put more clothes on, you definitely haven't] Jimmy: [soz not soz] Janis: you can go back if you want Janis: or go, if you're over it Jimmy: over what? Janis: waiting for them Janis: we've done shit they'll see still regardless Jimmy: are you saying you're over it? Janis: I'm saying you don't need to sit there whilst I shower if you don't wanna Jimmy: I don't need to do owt I don't want to, and I don't need you to tell me that Jimmy: if you're gonna be ages like your sister, say so Janis: 🙄 Jimmy: don't get your hair wet unless you wanna fake some weird kink, we're meant to be asleep Janis: now you wanna tell me what to do, cam down Jimmy: you started it Janis: God, I was just saying Jimmy: just leave it out instead Janis: whatever Jimmy: it ain't my fault they ain't about yet Janis: it's not mine, either Jimmy: and I ain't being a dickhead to you about it Janis: 1. I weren't, I was literally saying go if you're fed up, how is that anything but polite? 2. hate to see you being a dickhead then Jimmy: 1. Bollocks weren't you, you're saying go 'cause you're fed up which ain't polite when we've got a plan and if we weren't gonna stick to it I wouldn't have bothered to show up at 6 when we could've just pissed about during this punishment Jimmy: 2. yeah, you would Janis: That is not what I'm saying, I'm saying I'm having a shower, that's it Jimmy: if you'd cracked on instead of getting a mard on, you'd be done by now Janis: shut up Jimmy: you Janis: I'm serious Jimmy: me an' all Jimmy: stop pissing about Janis: I know how long she takes, you don't Jimmy: I don't care Janis: then I don't care how long I take in relation to you Jimmy: 👍 Janis: [obviously taking longer than you would have but nowhere near Grace levels of long 'cos just not that bitch, casually walking past him back to your room like let's get this done] Jimmy: [follows her again] Janis: [has got hair wet, suck it, got to pretend we had that steamy shower sesh we didn't have there] Jimmy: [is 😒] Janis: [likewise, we'll let the flat whites show as you're drying off said hair like 'good morning ladies'] Jimmy: [at least you can pretend you're 😒 to see them] Janis: [making some joke about morning coffee as you go over to him and hold his face, really like, get it together but fake loving upon him 'cos just so cute] Jimmy: [taking the excuse she's given you to kiss her because you've wanted to for an age] Janis: [enjoy, they're stunned silent rn anyway so take your chance kids] Jimmy: [we know that's why you're really 😒 Jimothy so it'll be an amazing kiss that Mia will just love to witness] Janis: [being so vocal in her disgust 'cos massive snitch and wants them to get caught again] Jimmy: [and not at all casually knocking on the bathroom door cos raging at Grace but she assumes it's Janis so she's like excuse you] Janis: [telling her where the nearest loo is, 'if you're that desperate, like' and smugly reclining on Grace's bunk so the rest of you have to stand around awkwardly in this room that is not big enough for all these people remotely] Jimmy: [Grace doing such an affectionate eye roll at JJ cos you know they being coupley af like she ships it so hard cos 1. she do 2. she doesn't fancy jimmy she's just not a dick to people who serve her coffee and 3. fuck you Mia] Janis: [just cuddling on this bed like y'all not even here and we're just having a moment] Jimmy: [whispering flatwhite shade that you can pretend is sweet nothings cos they'd be so annoyed they can't hear what you're saying] Janis: [giggiling in such an un-you way but it is funny, obvs] Jimmy: [Grace I'm calling you out for not knowing this is fake after hearing that except I'm not because you're not that invested and are just getting ready like a normal person] Jimmy: [shoutout to Jimmy for drawing yet more attention to these lovebites by touching and kissing them in a really soft way like oh I'm so sorry I've got no chill, I hope it doesn't hurt lol lol lol] Janis: [maybe that's how she be with boys, you don't know, let you off gal] Janis: [when you acting like oh my god, gotta hide them but in that LOOK kinda way] Jimmy: [I think Mia should be trying to get Ella or whoever to dob them in for Jimmy being there and Grace is just like chill so they're lowkey having a row in the bathroom] Janis: ['wanna go for breakfast?']

[plunder-heaven-and-devour-god]

I harped on what made Notre Dame De Paris a great novel and definitely worthy of its longevity. But now I need to rip it to shreds because sometimes cultural and historical relativism can fuck itself. I need to have this discussion with the void. 

I have 206 bones to pick with Hugo and his bullshit.

Don't come at me with your bullshit 1800s enlightened poet’s soul with pretenses of progressivism. Your 15th century sexism is just 19th century misogyny is period attire. The racism is ABHORRENT. Like, I'm not an idiot. Medieval cities like London and Paris were FRAUGHT with people of color, not just the Romani who are so gruesomely marginalized in real life but also in the book. There were "Moors" and many people of the Arab world who passed through Paris. They held rights, they held positions of power and they held positions of servitude equally.

Hugo's era reeks of the eugenics employed to wipe out cultures, skin colors, and ethnic physical features. From the Belgian Congo to the north American destruction of its first Nations cultures there is so much of that coloring Hugo's work. Not to go into it too much but the racism is a different flavour in the 19th century and that’s what you taste reading this book. It’s not the racism that we know today.

Here is what shocked me to my core. I had to stop the book and put my head in my hands.

Quasimodo is black.

And I don't mean the strange colloquialism of a "black countenance or a black attitude" that Romantic writers like to use to mean a dark figure. Neither do I mean the terms old literature uses to call a white person ugly with ethnic features.

I mean fully black. Hugo's 19th century racism in 15th century clothing rears its head. They call him an ape, a contorted construction of the Orient, he describes his black back while being whipped like an animal. When Esmeralda gives Quasimodo water to drink Hugo describes the water falling slack from his surprised and big black lips. His visage and body are ugly because they are black.

Yes there are layers to this, there is the perceived xenophobia, paranoia, and racism of the 15th century but there is also Hugo's which comes after slavery, after the rise of capitalism, after the racism that started with Europe's quest to dehumanize whole ethnicities to justify a global market. You can't sympathize with what isn't human, and that is the motive behind any dismissal of race, gender, etc.

I say this because the racism of the 15th Century is different than how Hugo imagines it. And that is what adds that layer of incredulity to my reading of the text.

Quasimodo is black. Idris Elba taking the role is FINALLY ONE THAT WILL BE ACCURATE. And what's more is that we have recontextualised the story in order to make Quasimodo a sympathetic hero so I'm glad that we call all collectively destroy this image of ugly=black. We can have a narrative that puts black at the forefront of marginalization and mistreatment.

But the Romani, oh my god. They are so persecuted by the fictional parisians and the parisian who writes about them, and the audience that did not want to sympathize as human.

There is, I swear to God, one of the longest chapters about these three women who talk about how this "village whore" had a beautiful daughter and she was supposedly "stolen" by "gypsies". The mother went mad and is later found in what is essentially a public oubliette. She's a pitiable recluse, a feral disgusting husk of limbs. There is SO MUCH TO UNPACK. Apparently her baby was replaced with a disgusting "black/brown gypsy" child who almost killed the mother upon seeing it. We find out later its Quasimodo.

This recluse screams abuse at Esmeralda who passes by just as we are about to witness the famous scene of her feeding Quasimodo water upon the pillory. But yet when one of the women's children shows up this recluse and childless mother has a breakdown. We are supposed to feel bad for her. Hugo does nothing to devillify the Romani people, we are supposed to feel sympathy for this childless mother who has become feral in this public oubliette; she was driven mad by gypsies, the gypsies are evil look at what they did to this not so innocent woman.

All I could think was "you should die in that hole too." PERISH.

We are supposed to sympathize with the White Parisian Power Structure which does indeed think itself superior to the Romani. We are supposed to think this recluse woman has a point, we are supposed to look upon the Romani with revolt in them and think: EW I KNOW RIGHT. But we don’t, not today, we think: what an awful caricature.

To his credit. Hugo does a good job of showing us the fickleness of public sympathy, the parision mob screams for blood and laughs like the Roman mobs in coliseums. I get that. The woman, like many characters are multi faceted, neither good nor bad to a 19th century audience.

Not to mention the Court of Miracles and all the "dark skin personnages" who populate it are done such a crime to them.

Hugo is OBSESSED WITH WHITE BEAUTY. White swan necks, pale hands, rosy feet, white virginal bossoms. He, like every single gly fucking Westerner in yesteryear and today that prizes near a aryan level of beauty. I'll go into this more but Esmerelda is not actually Romani, she's apparently got that "attractive skin that Roman women or andelusians have" and I'm paraphrasing but apparently a slight olive sun tan was a stratification of skin color too fucking dark for Hugo. And as a woman who is often not dark enough to be indian and not white enough to white I find this SO CONDESCENDING AND SO AWFUL TO WOCs.

I can't tell you how many times he trivialises their poverty, their tricks, their mysticism when in reality they are an excommunicated people by the pope. They cannot go anywhere and are not allowed to make a living. There's a reason that Diederle's 1939 version took an anti-fascist position to this opinion and MARGINALLY cracked open some sympathy for the Romanis. He was fleeing the Germans, and according to Lindsay Ellis his film was the only film shown at Cannes that year, a festival created against Naziism. The terms, stereotypes, abuse, and ugly caricatures of the Romani (sometimes called Egyptians, lepers, Jews, blacks, Moors) have literally not changed in centuries, I wouldn't even say after the Holocaust. One can see why this film was used to such a great affect against Faciism, all the terms and abuses which are identical in many places are showcased here.

It's frustrating because some people imply that : "well that's the point, the people in the book are bigoted, unsympathetic, and awful, and that's really how it was in 15th century Paris". To the latter I say no and I've explained why it may be true on a case by case basis. But it’s really REALLY NOT historically accurate and Hugo CLASSIFIES THIS HIMSELF IN THE BOOK AS A HISTORICAL FICITON. And to the former I also say: that's not the point.

Hugo's narration is not just a third person narrator, he refers to himself, asks the reader to permit him things or moments, he clearly sports opinions of art, architecture, the abject deplorability of living in medieval squalor, the ugliness or stupidity of one or another. He is very clearly a character in the book, one that has to differentiate his stance from other characters. His voice, his narration does nothing to exonerate or make a moral statement out of his foes and heros. Which is strange because his self insert character puts on a morality play at the beginning staring the marriage of "commerce and agriculture" and "clerical with noble". Basically Capitalism and Catholicism. He even calls it not very good afterwards. Hugo is a famous playwright. He is occupied with his moral plays and questions. He has Les Miserables to show his support, and exoneration for the people of Paris.

The difference is that he is tackling marginalized people's, people of color, disabled people of color, monstrous people of color, women of color, persecuted and excommunicated people's, pedophilia (yeah I'll get to this.) And he's a white guy. He really isn’t the man who should be writing this.

He venerates the building of Notre Dame which is a beautiful chapter in the book yes. But it is made of stone it cannot feel, it cannot feel the years of mutilation it experience so says Hugo.

The LAST LINE of the 1939 version is Quasimodo looking upon the happy crowd after saving Esmeralda, she goes into the sunset. He is left bereft, alone, still ugly, still forgotten by the narrative. He clutches a gargoyle and says: “Why was I not made of stone like these.” We are at a place in our society that values the individual enough to realise that the Cathedral doesn’t have any FUCKING FEELINGS. Quasimodo does!

Moreover, if the printing press killed architecture as a register human history, it means we get a fundamental shift from

Cathedral important to------>2)Characters are important

Which incidentally, Hugo really did not care about his characters. In visual mass media killing the book, this phenomenon has accelerated and now Notre Dame is not the focus but the setting and circumstances of the story. The characters and their plights are what is more important.

And again, people would say: what were you expecting? To which I say: yeah. I wasn't expecting much more. To be honest, sometimes I even expect worse. He is a man of his time. And for a man of this time the very clear anti clerical, and anti establishment sentiment is already progressive by the standards of his epoch and that of the historical setting of the book.

But.

Yet again, we haven't had a version of the story that has ever shown the plight off the marginalized. Not properly.

We have had a black Quasimodo yet on screen because I think many content creators and audiences did not want to sympathise with a black quasimodo. And Esmerelda of color is supported, I think, because the gendered benefit of her beauty for consumption. And the added benefit of any and all racism taking on a gendered role. We never truly get to see the Romani demystified or devilified. They’re still goofy and charletons in the Disney movies in 1996.

However, the Disney movie made Quasimodo its hero, they gave us the corny yet poignant: internal beauty is what matters. The question who is the monster and who is the man is posed to the audience. We only ever get to see Frollo's abusive relationship with the Hunchback. We get to sympathize with quasimodo. AND AGAIN Lindsay Ellis does a MUCH better and succinct job than me of explaining this. (its a great video, half of the articulations here come from her forming the idea first).

In the 1939 film we see this anti fascist, anti Holocaust sentiment in the treatment of the Romani. They are still cartoonish, and treated badly. But Esmerelda is actually Romani in this one, although white washed to hell and back.

I can't say yet, because Esmerelda and Frollo haven't actually had a scene together yet in Notre Dame De Paris. But the Disney version and the 1939 version are the only two insofar that treat Frollo's obsession with Esmerelda as violence. His lust for her is abuse, it is racial and sexual violence. His absolute anti-romani mania that equals his clerical devotion is manifested in this. And stupidly enough the fucking Disney version does this on film the best in my opinion. There was room for melodrama in the book and even less in the 1939 version. But the Disney one doesn't fuck around. To quote James Janisse from Drunk Disney: "monsters are rapey". They take the subtext of his lust for this “gypsy girl” and spell out physically in a short amount of time and leave you no wiggle room.

And Frollo is one of my favourite fictional characters because it's rare for me to watch a Disney movie between my fingers in disgust and horror. I love him because of Tony Jay's tar gargling voice and the blaspheming Catholic imagery and the disgusting split we witness down his deplorable excuse of a human soul.

But I want to get the issue of Frollo out of the way. The Disney version took its Renaissance formula and made him, although more dimensional than let's say Ursula or Radcliffe, is still a maniacal, evil laugh, and Disney-fied villain. We are never to question who is the monster and who is the man.

That isn't the issue with the book, Hugo writes this as a commonplace occurrence, this repressed lust for the object of his hatred. Which is fair and fine. And for the audience he is a prominent face in a heartless medieval mob of horrid antagonist/villains.

However, I don't know if Hugo cared if you did know who the main antagonist was. He oscillates from condemning the artists who ruined the gothic soul of Notre Dame, to the White Whole Foods mom's of 15th century Paris to the people who stone Quasimodo on the pillory. Jehannes Frollo is a douche, and unlikeable, so is Phoebus, oh god so is Gringoire. Literally every mob or crowd scene we see that all of Paris is an antagonist. Hugo almost says: look at all these awful ugly disgusting people, they're all gross and awful now moving on to my sweeping 20 page description of this corner of the cloisters.

Hugo described awful people doing awful things and then pipes up and says: aren't these people horrible! He just doesn't...do that with Frollo? Mostly because Frollo has been wholly inactive until Book 7 of 21. But when he is he doesn't say: this near forty year old is getting flushed and possessive of a sixteen years olds virginity and throws gringoire on the floor out of jealousy because he hears about his peep sow.....ISNT THAT HORRIBLE. I haven’t heard Hugo do a condemnation of that yet, which wouldn’t be strange if he hadn’t done that for literally everyone else.

There are several chapters explaining how smart Frollo is, how voracious his mind is, the depthless love he has for his spoiled and ungrateful brother Jehannes. We find out he's reviled by the public because he knows alchemy, mathematics, and languages. He's considered to be a sorcerer WHICH IS IRONIC considering that he's tasked the head torturer to track down la Esmeralda for witchcraft. This is purposeful on Hugo's part. The judge who condemns Quasimodo to be whipped at the pillory is also deaf. It's a whole farce. It's meant to be. Deaf men condemn deaf men. A perceived Sorcerer condemns a perceived Sorceress. Blah blah blah I’m Victor Hugo, the building is the only sacred thing.

But to be frank, Hugo hasn't been like: if the audience permits we would like the examine the horrible defection of Frollo's predatory nature. He calls Frollo a bird of prey once but that's it.

The mob and Frollo become unbalanced and sooner rather than later Frollo becomes the major evil. Even Frollo, is a quiet evil in this book, and the 1939 version does a good job of capturing this in the God Help the Outcasts scene. Again, in the written word killing the edifice we have reshuffled the roles and priorities of the story. Frollo is the major evil. And that's fine with me.

And I'm not trying to fish out a message about how Hugo feels about Frollo or who the true evil of the book is. That is clear to the audience. It's a varying and fickle degree of personnages who do awful things. In later adaptations the preoccupations of individuals leads us to draw greater conclusions from them. I'm just hoping we get one good condemnation out of Hugo, regardless of the obvious plot and set up as the antagonist.

EDIT:

Now that I'm further into the book I can safely say Hugo makes Frollo one of the most despicable villains in all of literally fiction. It's disgusting and nauseating. And the reason Hugo never says: look at how wrong this is is because this book is very anti clerical and anti Catholic church. Its not anti-spiritual or against faith I would say. But Hugo was progressive in the sense that he was anti establishment to a degree. Frollo is this exemplification for the hatred and bigoted mania the Catholic Church was exuding at the time. Between excommunicating an entire race, inquisitions, monstrous campaigns of slaughter, there is also lots of sexual misconduct. Rampant sexual misconduct. The clergy abusing their power. The repressed sexuality associated with evil and wrongdoing takes a definitive example in Frollo. He is positively obessed with Esmerelda to the point where Hugo spells out to us in big letters: this is sexual violence.

He is the main villain, literally no one can fucking take that mantle away from him. I was going down the wrong vein of thought above. So ignore it. Because Hugo takes a while to get to the plot of his story it means that we don't have Frollo truly do anything until the seventh book of 21. And when he does...

I wanted to vomit to be honest. I couldn't listen to the audio book. I kept putting down my ebook and walking around and avoiding it. It was one of the hardest reads. Phoebus allows Frollo to be a voyeur as he coerces Esmerelda to have sex with him (she's sixteen literally all the men in this book have to die). He plants a horrid disgusting putrid kiss on her after she faints in a pool of phobus blood. He is one of the hooded figures who puts her to the leather bed and tortures a confession out of her next to Charmoulue he heard torturer. He comes down to her oubliette to just literally beg for sex, he implores her begs her, literally even if she were to hurt him. Then when she is about to be hanged he leans down in front of the whole crowd (so some people think he's hearing her last confession) and tells her again the offer to bang is still there. She only says no because of Phoebus (who is actually alive and feeling up his fiancée within seeing distance). He starts associating the bodily harm of Esmerelda with sex and it's just so disgusting.

God and when Esmerelda gets her sanctuary in one of the appartment of the belltower Quasimodo never went the appartment. He brings her birds and flowers, respects her space. But that fuckwit Frollo can see the appartment from his office, i guess you'd call it where he's been angsting for weeks as he voyeuristlically sees Esmerelda go about her day. Then he remembers that he has a key, assaults her again, and Quasimodo pretty much almost shanks him.

Now Frollo is trying to get Gringoire to lure Esmerelda out.

Anyways this is all to say this Frollo is the worse one, Hugo went there, i was so wrong. This version made me so nauseous and terrified. Hugo doesn't mince words with who he thinks is the villain. The sexual obsession is racial violence, the racism is gendered. Vice versa.

Anyways it so bad I cant wait til every man except quasi dies in this book. Though, to the other men's credit sometimes i hate grigoire and Phoebus more than Frollo. Idk it really depends on who is doing what and when.

But let's get back to Hugo.

Where do I start when it comes to Hugo and La Esmerelda. Again, it's a useless discussion to have, we know this is a misogynistic and bigoted warp of a set of female stereotypes.

But I'll start with this.

Esmerelda is sixteen years old. She's infantilised, ridiculed, condescended to, abused, and so so so much more. Not to mention Hugo seems to revile and hate women despite his prolific attendance of 19th century brothels.

Yeah and I think Frollo is supposed a thirty nine year old who looks twice that age already. Which you know is pedophilia. Which Hugo just presents for you to make your judgment, hopefully congruent. Duh.

That's not my beef with how Hugo writes Esmerelda.

It's how the narration goes out of its way to sexualise that innocence. Nothing new, mind you of 19th Century Romanticism or 15th Century historical setting. But as a modern reader it can jar you out of the experience. Gringoire literally says: “she doesn't even know what the difference between a man and a woman in her dreams". And he revels in peeping behind a curtain and sees her in her shift while UGH explaining this to Frollo who wants to know if she's still virginal. Literally locker room talk about a child and her body to an old priest from a shitty poet.

Esmeralda is not sexually mature, when she dances she does it with a child’s abandon and to put bread on the table. She doesn't understand what her sexual appeal is, and it makes the dances feel voyeuristic and nonconsensual. And it's stupid. Making her older gives her agency when this book literally robs her of agency. Making her younger gives her no agency and makes us observant in her abuses, or at least that is how I felt.

Hugo writes others calling her: girl, little girl, gypsy girl, "the Esmerelda", the sorceress". You're probably asking: why are you surprised. I'm not I'm just aggravated at times when faced with a time capsule from the 1800s. It’s hard listening to Frollo, every judge, mother, petty bourgeoisie, Phoebus, and Gringoire call her “little girl” without thinking she’s eight years old.

There is a scene where Phoebus calls Esmeralda into a home where he's hanging with his fiancée, her family, and bitchy friends. And BECAUSE WOMEN CAN’T BE FRIENDS the minute Esmeralda comes in, Hugo describes that each of the women turn on their bitch switch because she's prettier than they are and they all want the one man in the rooms affection because ALL WOMEN WANT IS A MAN’S ATTENTION. So they start tearing her apart. Phoebus is gross, a pig, a soldier more likely to force a women than not. He infantilizes her just as much as the narrator.

The women start verbally shaming her, they slutshame and everything else they can think of. Until she just? Feels like she's given leave to go? Esmeralda only speaks when spoken to, she only came in when she was bid to. For such a free spirit according to Hugo she’s the perfect docile and desirable woman when need be.

Her beauty and sexuality are made appealing and un-romani for consumption, for the men in the book and the reader. Because Hugo like most men of the time and many of today are obsessed with white beauty. She has no faults, she is literally described as being perfect if not for her "pout" which, again, feels SO SEXUAL for a childlike sixteen year old. The only faults she has is the ones litigated against her for things she cannot change like her gender and supposed race.

It made me want a story told from Esmeraldas point of view, written by and for WOC. I want to see Esmeralda bandaging up her feet after a day of dancing, her toes and knuckles bloodied up from trying to earn a living. After a day of dancing she would glance over at the meagre coins in her hat and sigh at how little food she will have. I want the exoneration of the Romani people and treat them with dignity.  Her poverty is unattractive and not noble but imposed on her by a system that hates her for something she can't control. I'd want an older Esmeralda with more agency, more control over herself. Shes be romani, or not. You commit to one. I'd love to see a scene where she is on the run and she does feel the entire world hate her and she is allowed moments of imperfections and cry. The world is on fire, the flames of Esmeralda as the book calls it, but their the flames of an ignoble archdeacon, the pursuit of an ingoble Archer and a wretch treated as badly as her. I want to see Esmeralda rage against an effigy, a saint and swear on her knees that she would kill all four of them with her bare hands, Frollo, Quasimodo, Gringoire, Phoebus for making her the literal objectified vessels of their want. I’d want her to kick Frollo's dead body. I would want to see her in Notre Dame by herself under the rosary window while we get lighting to denote what alignment our leading men are as they watch her and pour all of their hates and wants and make her into a vessel for themselves. To make that clear to the audience is so important. I would want her to have friends, female friends. I'd want her to stab AT LEAST ONE TO THREE PEOPLE. I would want her to be shown intelligent because she's put down for being illiterate. I want to see Esmeralda so righteously mad that God would have to beg for her forgiveness. I'd want her to leave Paris after the epic affair of Notre Dame and set back on her nomadic path convinced that no man or place is good enough for her. But when all is said and done, even when she has nothing, she has always had herself and that has been enough. She has herself and her people and that is what she needs.

And don't get me wrong I STILL LIKE THIS BOOK A LOT. And even with these parts being wholly unacceptable to me as a modern person I can enjoy the book, and not even have to practice a 2018 woke awareness to it. If I didn't read books by authors who thought that darker skinned people were inferior I'd  pretty much be reading almost nothing. The story is genuinely interesting and so are the characters, stunted and pushed aside by the author as they are. But I just needed to do a comparison. To lay out all the thoughts on the table with the facts and go pretty much say what Hugo does: Not much changes in all this time, and at the same time nothing is the same.

[theliterateape]

Trying to Be Right in a Landscape Where Wrong is Just So Easy

By Don Hall

I’m about 80 percent certain that Johnny will die on the casino floor sooner rather than later.

I’ve been told by just about everyone I work with in the casino business that the job will take its toll. Certainly, they always say, they hope it won’t but they’ve seen too many people ground down by the twenty-four hour parade of addiction, desperation, and whistling-in-the-dark despondency to entertain anything but the most dire predictions.

The Las Vegas you think you know, the one proliferated by the ad campaigns and the glamour of a weekend getaway, is not the whole picture. Like assuming that a complete snapshot of Paris is the Eiffel Tower or that New York City is all Times Square. Living here requires one actually see the scrubby plants stretching out their roots on rocky and unforgiving soil and clinging to what water they can get.

Johnny is a sixty-three-year-old, overweight, pining-for-his-glory-days degenerate. He’s a funny guy and looks just a bit like an Irish version of Danny DeVito. Most days, he makes a few sports bets, sits in the lounge and watches the various games. He clings to strangers and tells stories of when his friends got him so drunk that he didn’t realize he married a woman he met in a bar which, he having been already married at the time, made him an alcoholic bigamist at twenty-four years old.

A month or so ago, I found him sitting at a blackjack machine, hunched over, pale as a vampire.

“Dude. Are you okay? You need some water or something?”

He looked up and I could see in his eyes a mixture of frustration, confusion, and fear. “I don’t know, man. I can’t breathe and I feel like I’m going to collapse.”

“Alright. Let’s get security over here and we’re going to call paramedics, okay?”

“No. Don’t do that. I’ll be fine. Just need a minute.”

In the casino, we are not allowed to call medical help unless the person in distress agrees to it. I’ve broken that rule a few times and have been read the riot act each time. In these cases, I have to use persuasion to get them to agree to calling for assistance.

“Johnny. Seriously. I can’t have you croak right here at the blackjack machine. It’d take three of us to unload your carcass to the dumpster!”

He laughs. I knew he would. He agrees to allow the call.

While in college I took a summer gig working at a call center for the Amoco Multi-card. I was so good at convincing lonely older people they needed this random credit card that within a month I was a floor supervisor. I walked the floor and helped other telemarketers navigate through customer objections. I was really good at it but by the end of the second month I started to feel like the villain in a story about corporate greed.

Working in the casino echoes that long past feeling and feels at odds with my mishmash career of public school teaching, producing Off Loop theater, and public radio. Convincing people on the brink of bankruptcy to drop another c-note into a slot machine is easy. Doing it while recognizing how desperate they are, how self destructive they’ve become, is hard.

The reality is that I need the work or more specifically the money at the end of every two weeks to pay the bills. So I show up five days a week and do my best to balance the unsavory parts of the job with my ethics intact.

After a two-week stay at the hospital, Johnny is back. I won’t comp him cigarettes anymore as he tells me the doctors told him his heart couldn’t take them. I won’t comp him drinks no matter how much he gambles because he’s a drunk. He swears he’s off smoking and drinking but doesn’t realize that I can see what other managers on other shifts give him.

He pretends to walk a straighter path on my shift but is back to his Hunter S. Thompson ride as soon as I’m gone.

A few of my security officers are enlisted in what I’m calling JOHNNY WATCH. I’ve told them to tell the bar staff to cut him off if he seems even the slightest bit in trouble. It’s like trying to watch a suicidal toddler who keeps sticking forks into electric sockets. It’s hard when there are dozens of other guests all with forks, all looking for sockets.

I can’t save Johnny anymore than I can save the various underage prostitutes I meet here or the homeless, well, everywhere. When I was a younger man, I thought I could but as I’ve grown older, the crushing sense of scale threatens to overwhelm.

Winston S. Churchill supposedly once observed that anyone who was not a liberal at twenty years of age had no heart, while anyone who was still a liberal at forty had no head. While I can’t agree wholeheartedly with the sentiment, I think I’m growing to understand it.

Melvin is similar to Johnny. Sports bettor (sometimes). Barfly (all times). Melvin, on the other hand, is a scammer. He comes into the casino and looks for marks. Like Johnny, he is at the ass-end of life. Like Johnny, he is an incredible storyteller. Melvin uses these facts as tactics to get players to buy him drinks, throw him a few dollars on the sly, pry a free meal out of unsuspecting tourists.

I like Johnny but do not like Melvin.

It’s easy to demonize Melvin. He’s a low end grifter constantly sharking the casino floor, looking to fleece anyone nice enough to not see it coming. There are as many Melvins in Vegas as there are Johnnies, as many to avoid as there are to help. The line between the two is murky and difficult to spot.

The easy road is to simply give in to the cynicism, forego the heart and lead strictly with the head. Assume everyone is a Melvin. Avoid at all costs being taken advantage. Save no one but yourself and let the rest fend off death and decay on their own.

I think this is what my co-workers mean when they say the job will change me.

It’s just easier to assume the worst in everyone. It’s easier to not care. It’s easier to judge. 

It’s easier to be conservative and view humanity through a lens of a lifetime of encountering Melvins of all stripes.

Fortunately for me, I’ve almost never taken the easier road.

I don’t know if this casino life is for me but while I’m here, I’ll try to do my best to be right and compassionate and trusting. It’s harder but at least I can look myself in the mirror and not cringe.

[skerbango-blog]

What to Watch: The Leftovers

By: KWR

 *Author’s Note: This will be a recurring series 

The Leftovers is a hard show to watch. As a viewer you are constantly put in the position of intimately observing the heartbreak, grief, mental breakdowns, and struggles with faith/belief systems that most people shy away from experiencing in their own lives. For a show to challenge the viewer to keep watching through that subject matter the viewer needs to see excellent writing, directing, acting, and have it all put together in a compelling way through editing and music direction. If even one of those is out of whack, the whole thing falls apart. The Leftovers will give you all of that. 

The Leftovers’ plot revolves around 2% of the world’s population that vanished on October 14, 2011 and those who remained on this mortal coil. The story picks up three years after the Sudden Departure and follows Kevin Garvey (Justin Theroux), as Mapleton’s Chief of Police, getting his department and town ready for the third anniversary of the departure. The vibe similar to many of the memorial ceremonies taking place today around the country on 9/11 every year. Families are present, names of those lost are read, many people searching for elusive closure. As you could imagine, when 2% of the world’s population vanishes without answer, it can have lasting impact on those who are left to make sense of the madness. On the surface it seems that people on The Leftovers have accepted the new reality and moved on. However, as you watch the story unfold and learn more about the characters you see each person go on their own journey to learn how to live in their new world. Yes, it can seem sad or depressing at times. You’re watching people process grief, or fake it ‘til you make it and not process what happened, ultimately overcompensating in other ways to pretend they are OK. The Sudden Departure seems like a fantastic science fiction plot device, but take a look at the world around us today and see how people are using social media. Instagram, Snapchat, Facebook, Twitter and whatever else comes out next gives the user an opportunity to curate their lives for others. Show the best, pretend the worst doesn’t exist. Sitting in a waiting room with nothing to do? Don’t let yourself think. Check out your Instagram feed. Don’t want to deal with your credit card bills and financial situation? Post some happy pictures or one of the 35 pictures you took of your last meal. Don’t want to deal with the overwhelming feeling of parenting after a long day? Check out that Twitter feed while your little rugrat plays on the floor. Watching others experience dramatized versions of things we go through every day is hard, looking in the mirror is hard. 

Around the time The Leftovers premiered I was going through some personal struggles. I watched the pilot episode just as I was entering the beginning of the end of issues that were silently creating self destructive behavior. My drinking was “casual with control” and I was standing on the precipice of “extremely casual with no control”. I had a period where I aggravated a back injury and had a doctor that was too quick to write 90 day prescriptions of Percocet. I was detaching myself from living in the present with work and my family due to stress, anxiety and depression. My daughter just had her first birthday. My wife was struggling with postpartum depression, and I was quickly slipping into depression as well. Work stress was becoming indistinguishable from stress at home. I did not recognize that I was seeing myself portrayed in all these characters, someone who was lost and unable to make sense of the world. To me, the Sudden Departure wasn’t about 2% of the world disappearing around me, but my pre-fatherhood life/identity disappearing. I never accepted my new reality and moved on. I just moved on without processing what that means to me and my identity, trying to fake it ‘til I make it. The mirror was put right in front of me, and I did not realize I was looking at myself. 

About a year after The Leftovers premiered I had spun out of control, and thankfully, my wife was supportive and understanding, was someone who listened when I was at my lowest point. After a long day of drinking and a tearful discussion about my problems I started therapy to figure out what the hell was going on with in my head. I quit drinking for 30 days and dried out. My therapy lasted for sixteen months (completed in January of this year) and I made a lot of progress in dealing with my anxiety, depression, and motivations for my self destructive behavior. I certainly wasn’t “cured” instantly and still find myself striving to improve myself in some key areas. As I was going through this difficult time The Leftovers kept the mirror held up and I looked right into the reflection. Within the mirror I slowly began to see myself looking back at me. 

What makes The Leftovers compelling for reasons other than my own, and why I strongly recommend everyone watch, is the show will make you think. Not think as in theories of the show’s mysteries, or what spoilers will leak to give away the plot, but think as in “where do I fit in my world?” “How do I process changes in my own life?” “What is faith to me?” “What is spirituality?” and so on and so on. One of the show’s creators, Damon Lindelof, learned some valuable lessons while producing and being show runner of Lost from season 2 to the finale. Lost is famous for two things: 1. Having one of the best TV pilot episodes ever produced and 2. Having one of the worst series finales ever produced. Nailing both end of the spectrum is quite a feat to accomplish. Lost had one of the best pilots ever because it introduced storytelling methods such as flashbacks, mysteries, compelling characters, and crazy action sequences when network TV didn’t do such things. Lost had one of the worst finales because the show promised answers to the mysteries they introduced and they didn’t deliver the goods the audience wanted. The Lost finale, rather than provide definitive answers, spent a lot of time providing closure to the metaphysical and spiritual storylines that were introduced in season six, not putting a giant bow on the previous five seasons worth of storytelling mysteries. After the critical bashing Lost received, Lindelof, and co-creator Tom Perotta (author of The Leftovers book that inspired the show), were very quick to tell the audience that some, if not most, of the mysteries won’t be answered. You won’t find out to where the people departed, or what caused the Sudden Departure. That’s for the viewer to consider and solve. No answer is wrong, just as no answer to whether there is an afterlife and what that afterlife would be like is wrong. Rather than be an omnipotent observer as you are in most shows The Leftovers puts you on the same level as the characters. Is one character the next messiah? Did someone really die and come back to life? Is there another reality where only 2% of the world’s population remains after 98% departed? We, the audience and the characters, have no idea. 

I recommend this television show to the people who read and write on this blog because it is apparent that most people are the introspective type. For those who need more impartial opinions of the show, here’s less subjective and more objective analysis. The Leftovers received modest ratings from critics in season one with a 65/100 on Metacritic. Season two saw an improvement to of fifteen points to 80/100 on Metacritic. Season three received an astounding 98/100 on Metacritic. As the show was getting better the writers also took bold risks in storytelling and the gamble paid dividends. Season two was a different locale with the same characters as season one, and season three spent most of the time taking the characters all across the globe while wrapping up their story lines. The music, composed by Max Richter is haunting, peaceful, and powerful. The soundtrack of artists and songs was incredibly varied and it all fit within the story. There is a terrific cameo from one of my favorite 80’s/90’s sitcoms that isn’t just lip service or a cheap ploy, it serves the story and moves the plot forward. If, for no other reason, you should watch The Leftovers to watch some of the best episodes of any TV show ever produced. Season two’s “International Assassin” is a treat to watch and it kicks off a terrific sequence of events that propels the story to an explosive conclusion. I watched the season two finale and remarked to my wife that “I may have watched the best episodes of television I have ever seen.” Season three continued taking risks, and since it was well known it would be the final season, each episode had a purpose and there was no wasted time while barreling towards a conclusion. I won’t go into much more detail, I can’t get into all the things I want to talk about without spoiling the best parts. 

By the time The Leftovers reached its conclusion I was about to enter the final months of my therapy. I had done better with dealing with all the causes of my self destructive behavior. I was more present with my family and at work. Things were going well, but I still had progress to make and some relapses in behavior were yet to come. The Leftovers’s finale was ideal for what the show was promised to be: some answers were given, and a lot was still left to your interpretation… which is exactly what life is for everyone. I come back to The Leftovers periodically, not because I get sentimental over my struggles and recovery, but because I need to look back into that mirror as a reality check on my behavior. My recovery, growth, and ability to manage my life going forward is constantly evolving. I was still hiding behind social media to keep myself from engaging and being present with my family and also myself. My drinking would ebb and flow because I knew I had to do something about it, but didn’t really want to, or believe I had to, but I’ve finally achieved some peace with this behavior. I don’t want to wake up feeling like shit anymore. I don’t want to immediately negate any hard work I put in at the gym because I want a beer or bourbon. I know I lose control when I have an open bottle of liquor, so I have to be aware of how that will impact me. I know I have to be better for my wife and daughter. I don’t want to set an example for my daughter that she should turn to alcohol to deal with difficult times, or that she should find it OK to have a partner that does the same thing. I’m ready to be a parent and a better husband and I’ve accepted my new reality. It took time, much longer than I’d really like to admit, but I’ve found peace with that. My process was not nearly as dramatic as The Leftovers, but I still wound up in the right direction. Therapy alone would have helped me, but I don’t know how well I would have come through the process if I didn’t have a mirror to look into along the way. Sometimes all we need is a mirror to look into. 

And sometimes we really just need truly great television to watch.

[ramialkarmi]

These truly wireless earbuds claim to be ‘ear computers’ — here’s what they can do

Headphones want to evolve and become more than just mini speakers. 

No, your everyday earbuds aren’t going anywhere. But for the past couple of years, a small subset of companies have quietly tried to transform wireless headphones from simple audio products to full-fledged in-ear computers.

German startup Bragi has been a key part of this; its Dash earbuds blew up on Kickstarter in 2014, and helped shape what a so-called “hearable” could be. The gadgets had touch controls, fitness tracking tools, the ability to let in outside noise, and heaps of sensors. They also played music!

The problem is they weren’t very good. Bragi improved the Dash with software updates over time, but their battery life was eternally short, and they just couldn’t stay connected over Bluetooth. The fact that they cost $300 didn’t help.

Months have passed, though, and the ideas Bragi was getting at make a little more sense today. Apple’s AirPods have made the concept of truly wireless earbuds somewhat normal, while startups like Doppler Labs have helped popularize the notion of earbuds that augment real-world sound.

Now, Bragi is launching its follow-up: the Dash Pro. It goes for $329, and it’s available online today. Bragi says a retail launch at Best Buy and other stores will happen “over the coming weeks.”

The Dash Pro largely follows in the original Dash’s footsteps: It looks almost identical; it’s totally wireless; it still fits snugly (after a little maneuvering); it does fitness tracking; it has a host of touch, swipe, and motion controls to learn; and there’s 4 GB of built-in storage, so you can play audio files straight from the device.

The existing Dash will be discontinued to make way for the Dash Pro, but many of the upgrades here are coming from a big software update that will also apply to the older model. Bragi is promising better battery life, improved sound, a cleaner “audio transparency” mode (i.e., the mode that allows you to let in more real-world sound without taking the earbuds off), and a “one-touch” Bluetooth pairing process. All of that sounds great, but I won’t be able to say how true it actually is before testing the Dash Pro further.

The thing Bragi is pushing the hardest is a partnership with iTranslate, a foreign language translation app. Some background: Doppler Labs and other “hearable” companies have long been teasing the possibility of having your smart earbuds translate foreign languages in real time. The dream is that you can hear someone talk to you in English (or whatever) in real-time even as they’re speaking in Mandarin in reality.

Bragi’s OS update will technically make that happen, but it’s a bit of a hacky workaround. You need a $5 monthly subscription to iTranslate Pro and to have that app loaded on your phone.  When your foreign-tongued friend begins speaking, the phone app translates his words in real time and pipes an English version straight into your earbuds.

On the off chance that you come across another Bragi Dash Pro user, you can just talk to each other with the app connected, nodding each time you speak. It’s nice that Bragi has something for this scenario — and Bragi says the app supports about 40 languages — but you could use iTranslate on your phone and be nearly as efficient, without the head nods.

Along those lines is something Bragi calls the “Virtual 4D Menu.” This taps into the motion controls Business Insider reported on last year; as you move your head to the sides, the Dash or Dash Pro will tell you menu commands, as if you were looking at a virtual screen. Move it slightly to the right, and you can select, say, Google Assistant (or Siri on iOS); move it far to the left, and you can choose to pause a song that’s playing. If this works, great, but simply using your voice to activate certain commands would render all of this moot.

Slightly more useful is the update’s purported ability to automatically recognize whether you’re running, swimming, or biking, then log your exercise data in Bragi’s companion app accordingly. Likewise, Bragi says it’s rolling out a “superhearing” mode that lets you raise or lower the volume of the outside world.

The most significant updates are still likely to be the simplest. Bragi says the Dash Pro gets five hours of battery life on a charge, or 30 hours through its battery case; that’s not amazing in a vacuum, but it would be pretty impressive for a truly wireless earphone — if it delivers that performance in real life. The whole thing is waterproof, too, and Bragi claims its bumped up the voice tech so you won’t have to repeat your commands too often.

Bragi is also promising that the Dash Pro’s Bluetooth connection will be as reliable as its lower-end Headphone earbuds. I found those to work very well, but they also have far less tech to deal with. Again, time will tell. Given that my brief demo was in a noisy restaurant, the same sentiment applies to the Dash Pro’s sound quality.

If you’re super into all of this, Bragi is also partnering with hearing aid maker Starkey on a model that can be customized to the shape of your ears. It’ll cost $500, and you’ll have to visit an audiologist to get yourself fitted, but if you’re willing to splurge on a fit that only you can wear, there you go.

Earphones like the Dash Pro live and die by their smarter features. If you just want truly wireless earbuds, the Headphone is very competent (potentially awkward fit aside), and the AirPods work like a dream with other Apple devices. They're both much less expensive, too. 

Bragi certainly has big ideas for devices like this — CEO Nikolaj Hviid said that the company has toyed with the idea of using earbuds like this to power AR-style glasses. And the Dash Pro may have its charms; having your headphones double as your fitness tracker makes sense, and being able to do phone things without having to stare at a screen is a compelling pitch.

The underlying tech has to work first, though. Here’s hoping that Bragi’s promises hold true this time around. If that happens, then we can talk about how healthy the notion of keeping computers in your ears all day is for society.

We’ll have a more definitive verdict on the Dash Pro in the coming weeks, after we give it a full hands-on review.

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