#then go read girl from the other side
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"what if people judge me for my embarrassing taste in manga :(" i type on my xenofiction warrior cats centric sideblog
#deer rambles#anyways if ur reading this read skip and loafer#then go read girl from the other side#i commandeth you!!!
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Siúil, a Rún : ‘Walk on, my love’
#art#the girl from the other side#siuil a run#shiva#‘The Girl From the Other Side: Siúil a Rún’ by Nagabe#it’s a favouite series of mine and really influenced my art style after reading it a while ago#also its art style and narrative is really so good#recommending to give it a read!#my posts will go back to normal after this ^^’
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#okay i read a transcription of most of the nj video#and my main conclusion is that the girls are highly misinformed / being fed false info bcs no adult figure is looking over them#‘mhj is the producer of our music’ that woman has never produced a single song#‘our demands are not being met’ ur demand is to bring back mhj ? i wonder why it is not being met#even the manager not saying hi thing … saying this with all the empathy to them but i get it#imagine ur team boss tries a coup towards the company and u side with them it’s understandable if other employees don’t feel comfortable#and the legal side too like most employees were probably instructed not to interact with them on company grounds#and again i have all the empathy towards them and understand it’s because they’re victims and so on but this is all just bcs they can’t let#mhj go#like if they weren’t fighting tooth and nail for her everything would be different#and they don’t have adult figures telling them this and protecting them from the situation#they just dont know how working environments / company work and they have no one guiding and helping them throughout all of it#this whole thing is just so heartbreaking and frustrating#and they said they found out about the situation from the media — that again proves that mhj doesn’t actually care because she knew about#all of it but she couldn’t pick up the phone to tell them ?#hybe can get fucked and is evil too but if anything this suggests they wanted to leave the girls out of it at first at least#this is not to say i think hybe was nice just to be clear i think they just didn’t think the girls would care this much since it was a#business/legal dispute concerning the company#it’s like if aespa cared when lsm was kicked out .. they didn’t gaf and that’s what it’s supposed to be like !#the leak thing is so heinous tho like i really don’t understand why someone would leak private records of some young girls#after we’re done with mhj we gotta take care of bpd
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Okay.
#don't worry about it 😐#i did like this manga. i was mostly interested in how it would speak to kobato but it was interesting in different ways#ik this situation is all i have made my own posts about bc it really knocked me out#but i liked how the main story spoke to kobato's situation. i am going to read that manga next to see how it compares to the anime#i like how clamp approached the reincarnation from different angles and how you can't have love without grief etc#also i did finally finish the girl from the other side the other day and that speaks to the same theme too#it's just wild this threw in bonkers devil's son yaoi (?) 😭#wish#clamp
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god it's such a shame that i only discovered my ideal vocal range isn't soprano + which songs best fit my voice type + how much i really love belting songs like my voice is gonna cause a sonic boom only after i stopped being involved in theatre productions multiple times per year. like ugh so many years of being a random background character in school/summer camp productions bc sure i technically could hit the high notes but i was always slightly off pitch, why did no one ever take me aside and be like "let's see if this kid can belt a green day song and give her some self confidence"
i deserve a do-over of all my middle school/high school theater productions thank you very much
#i don't get involved in much theater anymore bc going to a college with a massive theater program that i'm not in means every production#gets taken SUPER seriously as training for these broadway-hopefuls' future jobs so even if i've gotten better i'm not getting a song#''other girls'' was the last time i was involved in a musical but that wasn't onstage aside from filling in for a side character in 1 scene#idk when my last musical i performed in was (not counting zoom readings). maybe 2018 with the macbeth musical???#anyway recently i've discovered a lot of 90s/early 2000s alt-rock with male singers is like my exact voice type???#like not even ''ideal transition voice type'' i can already belt in the tenor range fine as is#right now my favorite song to belt is ''flagpole sitta'' by harvey danger it's so fun and tbh the kind irony-on-irony vibe is very aubrey#but also i WILL perform the entirety of american idiot by green day by myself lmao#i've never seen the american idiot broadway musical but can someone do a production of that so i can get vindication pls
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Also remembering that I get to write wolfwood next chapter and I'm a widdle nervous bc this is a Big Moment and I only wrote him a little bit with Sentido and it's been 8 months since then
But im also REALLY excited bc I get to finally (FINALLY) start executing the vashwood concepts I'd thought up at the damned START of this fic
So much relationship development to get to. So much Wolfwood to get to. Very exciting things.
#speculation nation#itnl shit#ive got a pretty solid grasp on wolfwood I Think but also#i think i wanna do some more research into him before i write hin#im gonna need to read more of the manga Anyways.#i need to study his mannerisms and speech patterns and the ways he interacts with the world#because i have a good idea of it already but a lot of my concept of him does exist in fanon#because it's been A Bit since ive actually read the manga.#and i never want to base my writing off of fanon. never ever ever. that's fatal writing error number One.#i pride myself on my rock solid characterizations. for side characters it doesnt matter as much#but the 2nd person in the main pairing? ostensibly the 2nd most important character to the fic?#yeah im not gonna fuckin base him off of what i have in my mind from however much fanfiction.#it's like the difference between accuracy and precision. by following fanon characterizations#someone might be able to be Precise about his characterization. in that they write him consistently and according to common perception.#but fanon very often exists Just to the left of what canon actually is. so it may be precise but not accurate#at least with regard to canon characterizations.#i want my characterization to be both precise And accurate. i want people to read my fic and go 'yeah thats trimax wolfwood'#with vash i do sprinkle in a few of my favorite things from the other versions too. same with the girls.#and maybe i'll do that a bit with wolfwood. but also hes so very different between the 3 iterations#that he might as well be different characters in all of them.#this is first and foremost a trimax fic. so i WILL have trimax wolfwood in it.#i may look up general guides for writing him if theyre around. but tbh i will rely more on my own research probably.#i have my own system for writing anyways. the sliding scales of different qualities that guides my general word choices for dialog#ive explained it before. dont really wanna get into it again.#i need to solidify in my mind where ww exists on the axes of intelligence politeness kindness and formality#among others. while also paying attention for any kind of repeat words or phrases that he likes to use#that i can pepper in to make it Sound Like Him.#thats the key to how i do general dialog lol. it's of course guided by who they are as a person#but word choice is done through the general perception of them along a set of axes. this is how it goes for All my writing.#im. rambling. whoops. anyways im excited for wolfwood. Soon...
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rereading tgftos on this train trip wuhg I forgot how much it Gets me
#everybody go read the girl from the other side right now‼️#I want to try and get my dad to read it while we're in nj >:)#ghost posts#text#tgftos
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2023 reads
The Winter Knight
slow-building urban fantasy mystery
reincarnated arthurian legends living in modern Vancouver
follows a gay autistic college student who’s the reincarnation of sir gawain who just wants to live a normal life
and a 30-something valkyrie woman
when a knight is murdered, she’s assigned to investigate, and he’s pulled into things after finding the body
m/m and pre-f/f (she is bi ace)
#The Winter Knight#aroaessidhe 2023 reads#this is.....interesting#it is very slow and introspective…. I think because both the main characters are more quiet/isolated#i would def go into it more from a character study perspective than plot#also i know there are buildings on the cover but the vibes of the cover give like….rural fantasy not urban-city fantasy#I feel like most urban fantasy books with modern versions of x y z have them like…..they’re fighting demons or monsters or something#this is just like. they’re existing? there’s the occasional monster but they’re mostly just people living normally. why#I guess probably that is the question the book is trying to answer..#(ie what Would they do? recreate the narratives they're doomed to repeat? or just live normal boring lives?)#but also like....there could have been a lot more (or different) done with some of it?#it’s very slow up until a final battle at the end. which also brings in 3 new POVs of various major characters briefly?#also. as the number one defender of pop culture references in books I admit I think there’s too much here#like it’s namedropping books and musicians/songs SO often#some of it feels like it could be music as wayne’s special interest - but there’s so much of it not in that context too#anyway something about the combo of that + slowquiet tone made the vibe feel. idk like it doesn't quite mesh#i did enjoy the characters tho? theres some interesting things in here#also yes it is a gawain/green knight romance#the boy is more of a significant mc tbh#+ trans girl major characters; polyam side characters; various other queer chars#there's a line where a character sees his friend “typing in pinyin characters” on her phone which.......#pinyin is the romanisation. pinyin characters is not a thing? SOMEONE editing should have clocked that. surely#tldr mixed thoughts. there are thoughts tho.
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Keeping my thoughts short as I find trying to write about my emotions just makes me feel them longer as I continue feeling them while writing about them. Do you ever find yourself wishing something upon yourself that would objectively make your life harder because “then it would be easier to make things make sense”. Like, no brain, having more symptoms of neurodivergence wouldn’t make things better except for in the very specific situation of diagnosis. It would just make our life harder the rest of the time. No dysphoria isn’t something to want either. Yes it would make it easier to parse out what the gender situation actually is. In both fronts we just have to be ok with never investigating and never getting an answer, because investigating is miserable due to how unhappy it makes me and without investigating I can’t get an answer. Now please stop thinking about myself and stop feeling the stomach void TM plus nausea.
#my post#Hi there irls I know you are probably not seeing this#I know it’s a running gag that I should see a psychiatrist and get diagnosed. I don’t meet enough criteria#I can’t give exact details as true to what I’ve mentioned I’ve banned myself from looking at the dsm for myself because it makes me miserab#There aren’t enough things to say I’m neurodivergent and something is… off about me or whatever that people can seem to clock there is#Something is but there isn’t enough and I’m going fucking insane about this again#Just sometimes my brain decides it can’t be a girl. That I need to fix it now. I have a binder. Put it on now. It screams as I am busy#And my binder is at home because I’m fucking fine most of the time. My current binder makes my chest too flat. I should get a shittier bind#It says. I don’t have opinions on pronouns except for when I do#oh hey they changed again.#Is my gender fluid? Do I just have dysphoria sometimes and not others? Why is my default state “idgaf” which is so hard to read#Pick a fucking lane me. Stop standing there#Except fucking moving means making myself miserable in the investigation process to pick a side#And so the easiest place to live is on the line between the lanes. I only get clipped by mirrors occasionally. It’ll take months of misery#To try to move again. So here I live.#In between.#I failed at keeping this short. I feel worse than when I started#Why do I bother writing out my emotions at all. It seems like distraction and then bed is always the best option.#Have a good (time of day)
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sometimes I wonder if I should take a gender studies class just so I can bitch every day about how an imaginary boyfriend is often seen as a requirement for a woman to feel safe enough to have fun at a club, or the idea that an imaginary person with a fake “claim” over me has more influence over predatory men than my own voice saying “No, I’m not interested, get lost”
#venting#hnnnnng the double standard is really really making my teeth hurt recently#(in that I’m grinding my jaw at the mere thought of this particular breed of injustice)#I honestly miss going out with my friends. I miss going to bars and clubs and enjoying the night#but I wanna go with my friends and leave my boyfriend at home for once#he gets to go out and enjoy himself all the time with his friends and they never even have to deal with unwanted flirtation#meanwhile I go out in a tshirt and jeans and get fucking catcalled or flirted with just fucking getting groceries#and it’s not a narrative on beauty or anything. it’s about men’s perception of women#specifically predatory men and men who don’t realize they’re BEING predatory#perhaps it’s because I’ve been going to this fucking gamer school for far too long#and I’ve interacted with so many socially inept/incel men from there#who don’t know what no means or dont take women seriously when they do say no#or they literally cannot read between the lines of a woman politely declining their advances#‘but she was being so nice to me’ yeah bc if she wasn’t you’d either call her a bitch or try to force her anyway#anyway. I’m angry#im tired of living in fear of morons#I’m tired of not being able to go out on a Tuesday night and just walk the town with my friends#specifically my femme friends#we should be at the club!! instead we’re trying to make sure the group is like a school of fish so we’re less of a target#and like. I could talk about this on twt or reddit but. cmon. let’s be real here#MelloMoans#really does feel like we’re going backwards when it comes to gender equality and feminism#especially with the influx of the whole sigma male/high value male bullshit#I understand how it came to be I really do but that plus the whole pick me girl thing is just another toxic view of gender identity#and all it has resulted in on both sides is a wider degree of separation between the genders#therefore allowing both extremes to dehumanize every one that doesn’t identify as sigma male or not like other girls YET AGAIN#(and therefore also opens up the door for dehumanizing lgbtq+ folks but. let’s be real. that hasn’t really gone away yet :/
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man i still dont understand why delilah was so hung up on kab like at Most she was a naive the same way a starstruck kid is naive when it comes to meeting their idols and maybe lacking reading comprehension sometimes but delilah had So Much beef with her that i swear she wasnt even trying to throw allegations at zam anymore but to kab instead
#mine.txt#there are certain parts of this situation that dont involve abuse so i dont wanna tag it as tw abuse#i wanna tag it as discourse and initially i did but it felt weird and still feels weird#uhhhhhhhhhh#allegations#zam-delilah allegations#there ya go#will be tagging the other stuff related to this as well#gotta say i know i said this situation is toxic on multiple ends#and i stand by that#but delilah Really doesnt look good#like girl whyd you keep going after kab she was tangentially related At Most only a Tiny amount to this#like i highlighted the pdf while i was reading it and only 60% of the pages was directly related to the allegations#and a lot of that 60% is taken over by screenshots#meanwhile the other 40% is majority text#and at least half of that text is about kab for some reason 😭#the fact that nobody publicly sided with her isnt helping much either#also the guilttrippy stuff at the start???#girl why are you defending yourself from allegations of being emotionally manipulative while being emotionally manipulative 💀
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as I go through Kuro theres SO many parallels to the girl from the other side. the last book covers for each series? a father figure whos been transformed/cursed and his adoptive daughter whos also cursed? SHIVA AND KURO CALLING THEIR RESPECTIVE ADOPTIVE FATHERS TEACHER? found family? both kuro AND shiva have blackness speading on their body with the risk of consuming them entirely?
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"funny how feminization is only an issue when it happens to louis" There are people in this fandom who insist that Samstat is hypermasculine and reading him as anything other than a Stanley Kowalski pastiche is stupidity and projection. The same people who insist that female-coded Louis is the only right interpretation of the character, and they already imply that Assad's Armand is hypermasculine as well. It's the side of the same coin as the problem with a dainty, feminine Louis. They're not about subverting the gender norms, but upholding them in a twisted way
Gonna be honest, I can’t articulate a proper response to this because I just woke up and I’m about to go back to sleep because…no.
#it’s also not a good sign that the first thing i did while reading this was roll my eyes (no disrespect anon this is just…not for me rn)#i haven’t seen insistence on anything from anyone#i’ve seen the opposite for lestat#and not very much concerning armand#and feminized louis happens in a very small part of fandom and there’s no insistence? so…???#like who’s insisting these things? pls show me#now idk if that’s cause I’m on the tumblr side of things or what#but honestly as a black girl who’s dealt with hypermasculine black characters being used as props by fandom#and this is solely from a fanfiction standpoint#i’m gonna go ahead and say i do not have a problem with feminized louis#bc for so long it’s been nothing but dominance for black men and innocent twinkhood for their white partners#that’s been the norm in fandom for years and it’s tiresome and disgusting#so when people (especially black authors) write it the other way around i don’t see what you see#and the dynamic of a masculine lestat and feminine louis was established in the show#I don’t see people trying to uphold gender roles or whatever#i am just having a hard time understanding the true problem with this#but I really don’t see why feminizing louis is such a bad thing…#and it irritates me that these debates only show up when louis is the one being feminine and there are masculine characters surrounding him#because when it’s lestat it’s pretty much widely accepted and praised but the reverse happens and suddenly it’s insisting#or we have to be concerned about gender roles and this that and third#gender norms this and gender norms that…maybe it’s just fanfiction babe#and those roles were implied in the show with the nuclear family so again…?????#i just don’t get it I’m sorry#I apologize bc I’m struggling to see your point#sorry for my tag rant#it’s too early for this
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hi it’s me again here to annoy you about hamlet - you’re on act 2 right? That’s the beginning of the “fuck around” stage of the play as I would call it. A lot of it is setup for what happens in act 3, which really gets the ball rolling imo. But! Since you’ve started, you’ve met my favorite character (horatio) who I can’t really talk about in full perspective until you’re finished but… he really is an important character even if he doesn’t seem important at certain points. Do you have a favorite yet? (sorry I don’t want to pester im just really excited to hear what you think about it)
Hi again! It's not annoying, don't worry; you're allowed to express your interest and excitement :)
I just finished act 2 and am now at the beginning of act 3! And I think I can see what you mean--I'm not far, but it seems like things are about to Start Happening. We've got the ghosts, we've got the foul players, we've got the background. Now it's time to Do It.
I don't think I know any of the characters well enough yet to have favorites, though I am intrigued by Ophelia. And of course having more info about Hamlet makes him more appealing by default for the time being. But! I have seen you talk about Horatio quite frequently, though in all honesty I didn't read the posts in full because I hadn't read Hamlet. I'll keep my eye on him though :)
And of course, Polonius and Claudius's schemes and what each of them are doing intrigue me, even though I may not like them!
#hamlet#quil's queries#moonlarked#let me check. i'm on a3s2#hamlet's little nunnery spiel was amusing#like bro I think she got it you said it like 4 times#get thee to a nunnery...#also shout out to the scene summaries at the beginning of each one on the left side of the page <3#i haven't read a lot of shakespeare so I do need the help and vocab sometimes#even though its tedious to read like that#oh this just reminded me of this one girl from my class...#who would always ask 'what's the point? how is this going to help me in the real world?'#including about a few shakespeare plays#and I'm just like. shaking you shaking you shaking you!! not everything is about immediately functional application!#sometimes its about learning and engaging with art you aoihrgawn#she tied it into some weird brand of feminism too#where it's like. yes. feminism is good. however. there are other lenses at your disposal as well you know right?#you can't be 100% feminist lens 100% of the time you are going to MISS things#and you ARE#anyway#apparently I had some annoyance stored up#interesting
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raven and jgy are also kind of complete opposite characters bc jgy's entire teenage and young adult life was about trying to find a way to become his evil father's right hand man and raven's entire teenage and young adult life was about avoiding her evil father's attempts to make her his right hand woman.
#so mdzs is kind of like if there was a side character who was like raven except it was raven whose dad hated her and she wanted his love#so bad that she got so smart and good at committing evil crimes in the hopes that he would notice and love her#but then he only used her and never loved her and in the end she realized he was just a piece of shit rapist and killed him plus 29 women#AND THEN her old best friend. whose older brother/father figure she killed while working for her own dad. knew what she had done#and concocted a whole plan that would out raven as evil (and in mdzs this raven cares so much about her reputation like sooo much)#if raven did not kill herself. and then the friend changed her mind (its a girl friend if raven is a girl) and tricked raven's best friend#into killing her. and also the old friend had dug up arella's body and destroyed it.#the end :)#ALSO ON THE OTHER HAND. so ntt is like what is jgy was raised by a cult who taught him cultivation but made him feel guilty about it#and that he had to use it to help people or he was evil. bc he was born evil and has to change it#and he has no friends and no mother. they didnt even let him talk to his mother#and he realizes that in order to save the world from himself he has to leave his mother and everything he knows#and he can never go back. and the people he finds to help him don't understand him and he doesn't understand them#and he still has to use his cultivation to help people and everytime he does it hurts him#and he thinks he made a mistake to leave his home because his evil father is getting even closer and closer and everything hurts so much#and it is so much harder now to not be angry. and he cant ask anyone for help because he left behind the person who would always tell him#how to get rid of emotions#THE END i dont actually know the end of raven's story alskdjf havent read that far#jgy#raven
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I'm so invested in the folcharts as a couple when resa's talking then mo immediately lies to and excludes her for no reason. she's the only reason your dumb ass is even alive and you haven't treated her like an adult and your partner in months fuck is wrong with you
and then he tells her he doesn't care if she goes back home without him lmfao men ain't shit
#inkdeath is so hard to read because I HATE watching resa become isolated#she doesnt want to ruin her marriage by confronting mo that she knows he's lying and murdering people#(babygirl YOU would not be the one ruining your marriage if he freaked out over that conversation but ppl dont make sense)#she cant confide in meggie bc she doesnt want meggie to know mo's out endangering himself and staining his soul red#plus she knows damn well meggie takes mo's side on EVERYTHING mo can do no wrong when asked to choose between her parents#again. no matter how deranged mo is acting#cant talk to roxane bc she feels insensitive bc at least she still has a husband even tho he sucks rn#the prince is busy and doing the same thing as mo#from her perspective inkdeath is lowkey the yellow wallpaper miss girl's just going fucking insane#and the two people she should trust the most are telling/would tell her she's absolutely right to think she's crazy#actually the more i think about this the more feral i get i want to talk about how mortola's always calling resa#a mute little bird or w/e#and not just in reference to actually being mute but in being stripped of her autonomy bc birds cant sign#birds that cant sing have no way of communicating with other birds heyre trapped in isolation#and her own fucking HUSBAND treats her like that! like she's inherently incapable of taking care of herself#or speaking for herself and her children and her marriage#and he finally vaguely concedes to let her at least take the kids out of Rape Is Legal World without a fight#but he's like 'we're over if you do lol'#i sound very mean to mo all the time i think but im SO fascinated by him#i love the negative character development that cant be completely attributed to the bluejay songs#but fuck he needs to get on his knees in front of resa and beg her forgiveness idcidc he didnt do one thing to deserve her in inkdeath#sorry this is incoherent it's 4am im in migraine hell#collapsed earlier today although i think that was less the migraine and more the lights were flickering#cant sleep havent eaten extremely nauseous but yk#inkheart derangement syndrome attacks me at all hours of the day#if you see me elaborate on these tags later in a better post without mentioning that im stealing from myself do NOT call me out#inkheart#says kenna#'i want this baby to grow up with a father' - 'and i want to kill people so looks like it's a tie' afhlfsjkkfds MORTIMER
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