#then take note of how many of them are black/voiced by black VAs

[gumy-shark]

im so mad that Noticing/Noticing Patterns is an alt right dogwhistle bc i really haven't found a better word for when i see interesting patterns in medias i like (i.e. tmnt 2012's Weirdness with black people, or ppl in gravity falls dunking on dipper for screaming/throwing/being "like a girl") and am uncomfortable with them but also recognize that they are part of greater patterns. am i making sense here

[jazzthatonewriterchick]

How To Be Good (Dom!Nanami x sub!Self-Insert!Reader Pet Play 18+ One Shot) 

Art by "bureichi" on Twitter

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Pairing: Kento Nanami x Self-Insert!Reader

Synopsis: In which Nanami has to give you some lessons on being an obedient little kitty and behaving yourself when you’re alone when you keep sending him videos to his phone while he is at work. 

Warnings: Smutty Smut; 18+ (MINORS GTFO); Reader is Black, Fem & a Self-Insert; Pet Play; Dom/sub Dynamics; Brat Taming; Master Kink; Mutual Oral; Deepthroat; Facefucking; Spanking; Collaring; Nanami Fucks You Till You Cry; Cum Play; Unprotected PIV Sex; Doggystyle; Missionary; Unprotected Creampie; Aftercare

Disclaimer: I own none of the characters mentioned in this fic. However, as this is my writing, I do not give permission for my work to be reposted on any other sites that are not from my own accounts. Thank you!

Writer's Note: This is another request fill for my favorite reader & VA @curiouscutie143! Thank you for always trusting me to write your fantasies & believing in my talent. Enjoy! -Jazz

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"You wanna be a good kitty for me tonight?"

As soon as you hear the door unlock with a click, the alarm system already disabled, your body comes to life. 

Your heart races in your chest, your blood grows hot, and you feel as if you’ve just stepped into a pit of lava with how warm you feel despite your man’s button-down shirt draped over your plump, semi-naked body. 

You sit up in your queen-sized bed and immediately look at the bedroom door. You hear his footsteps stomping across the hardwood floor; his car keys jingling as he puts them in the ceramic bowl next to the door where you also hold yours; the buttons and zipper to his wool coat as he takes it off. 

Then he speaks: “Honey,” he calls in his deep, velvety voice, “I’m home.” You find your voice and answer him, calling, “I’m upstairs, baby!” from your shared bedroom. 

Quickly, you check the bed to make sure everything is hidden from your time here and fix the shirt draped over your body. You usually toss on one of his shirts when you happen to be home when he isn’t here. Today, you were off from work, so you tossed one of his button-downs, loving the way it feels on your skin and how much bigger it is on you, making you feel like you’re wearing a dress. 

You don’t have time to check your hair which cascades down your back in messy curls before he comes up the steps and appears in the doorway. No matter how many times you see Nanami, you’ll always be taken aback by how sexy he is: tall and broad; trimmed blonde hair in an undercut that makes him look more sophisticated; a sharp chin and cheekbones. Even under his shades, his look still steals your breath away. 

He comes in still wearing his work suit and shoes, placing his briefcase and phone on the floor by the door.  “Baby,” you say with a smile. Immediately, you slide off of the bed and meet him halfway with a hug. “Welcome home. How was work?” 

He wraps his long, muscular arms around you, enveloping you in the scent of his cologne. “Oh, it went well,” he replies, his chest rumbling against your cheek. “Thank you for asking. How was your day?” He peers his head down at you, so much taller and bigger than you. You just love big men who make you feel small despite your size. Nanami is definitely one of them. 

“Pretty good!” you chirp. “After I came back from the gym, I came back here and chilled. I missed you though.” You pull away to look up at him, nearly getting whiplash from how tall he is. He takes his glasses off and peers down at you, those eyes filling you with warm tingles and sensations. 

“Mmm-hmm, I can tell,” he replies, his gaze roaming over your fame in his shirt. “What else did you do today while I was gone?” You pause, thinking back to all the things you did during your day off. Anything to play innocent. “Um…cleaned, did laundry, went grocery shopping, and…oh, I made dinner! Chicken karaage and brown rice with your favorite sake.” 

You give him a warm, loving smile. Though he doesn’t return it, his hand lovingly strokes your cheek, making your stomach flip. “Thank you, darling. I’ll have some of that later…but back to your day. What else did you do while I was at work?” Your smile fades then. His expression doesn’t change and he doesn’t tear his eyes away from yours. “I…don’t know,” you reply though weakly. 

Nanami’s blonde brow quirks at your answer. “You don’t know,” he parrots. You slowly shake your head. You both know that you’re lying straight through your teeth. “You didn’t send me any messages while I was at work? Any texts or videos?” 

You can feel heat wash over your entire body. You’ve been caught. But still, you try to play the part of the clueless, loving girlfriend. It is part of the game that you and your boyfriend play. He knows what you’re looking for and he is counting on it. “What kind of texts and videos?” you ask, still playing innocent but you can slowly feel that facade peeling away the more intense Nanami’s gaze becomes. 

His hand moves down to your chin, firmly gripping it, emitting a gasp from you. “I think you and I both know what kind of texts and videos you sent me today, Y/N,” he firmly says. “Very not-so-nice texts and videos. Videos of you touching yourself and moaning like a little slut wearing those damn cat ears.” You swallow harshly, your heart beating madly now. “Where are they now?” he curiously asks. 

You lick your lips which have become dry, briefly wondering if you should lie. But you know that this will only get you in even more trouble. “U-Under the pillow,” you weakly confess. He releases you and strides over to the bed, leaving you feeling hot all over. When he moves one of the pillows aside, he shakes his head. There, settled on the mattress, is a headband of two black ears and a pink dildo molded into the exact size and shape of Nanami’s cock. 

He turns to you, his hooded gaze dark and intimidating like a storm cloud. “A toy too, huh?” he says, tutting. “So you were being bad while I was at work despite knowing what my number one rule is.” His hand snatches out to grip your chin. “And what is that rule, darling?” 

You swallow harshly, going over Nanami’s many rules in your head before zeroing in on the number one, all-time important rule: “Be good,” you exhale. He nods, a corner of his mouth twitching. “That’s right, and you broke that rule. You deliberately disobeyed me the moment you decided to take those videos of you rubbing that pretty, slutty pussy and stroking your clit with that dildo.”

His eyes narrow at you and you feel yourself tingling with fear and excitement. “I–” 

“Did you know that I was in a very important meeting when you sent those videos?” he continues, not even letting you get a breath in. “Did you even ask or think before you decided to send them to me? Or were you just too cum drunk and horny for me to care?” His grip on your chin tightens, making you gasp. “Nanami–” 

But his sharp look cuts you off immediately. “Who?” he asks, a growl in his voice. You realize your mistake and quickly backtrack. He isn’t Nanami right now. Nanami is sweet, quiet, and attentive. The man here standing before you is ruthless, merciless, and firm. “M-Master,” you correct yourself. “I’m sorry I misbehaved. I just missed you so much.” 

You see Nanami inhale sharply at your pathetic little confession, but it doesn’t sway him. “So you decided to fuck with me and make me hot and bothered in front of my boss, colleagues, and peers,” he accusingly says. “You got so bored here without me that my kitty just couldn’t behave anymore.” You weakly nod, your eyes flitting down to your feet, ashamed. “I’m sorry,” you once again repeat, your voice small and broken. 

Nanami runs his thumb along your bottom lip, watching the way it jiggles at his touch. “You’ll have plenty of chances to prove to me how sorry you are.” He snatches himself away from you then like you’re made of fire and he’s afraid of getting burned. “Now go get your gear and wait for me here while I get cleaned up.” 

Your body feels like it’s overheating at this point as your mind races with the many fantasies of what your man will do to you tonight. “Yes, Master,” you obediently reply. The corner of his mouth once again twitches, a small sign of your boyfriend that makes you softy giggle to yourself once he leaves. 

You do as he says and gather your gear together, quickly dressing when you hear the shower running. You dress in his favorite pretty, pink lingerie that you have, the kind that makes your plump ass look immaculate with its thong and has lace cups for your juicy breasts. You put on your cat ears and clip on your tail too, letting it swoosh around the back of your legs. 

When Nanami returns fifteen minutes later, you are sitting on the bed, knees tucked underneath you and your hands in your lap. When he sees you sitting there so submissively in your fluffy ears and tail, he nearly busts beneath the towel that hangs low on his narrow hips. You’re just as horny watching him leave the bathroom connected to your bedroom. His toned body and honey-blonde hair drip with water, your eyes catching onto each droplet that cascades down his tanned skin that you’d love to catch with your tongue. 

He keeps his eyes trained on you as he walks over to the massage armchair that you bought him two Christmases ago to ease his stress and tight muscles. He takes a seat and leans back into the leather chair, his legs open beneath his towel but the damn fabric not allowing you to see what you really want and need. The way he stares at you from across the room damn near turns you into a puddle, his gaze hot and heavy. “Here, kitty, kitty,” he teasingly says, patting his lap. “Come to me. Come to your Master.” 

And you do. Like a puppet being controlled on a string, you are drawn to him. You slip off of the bed and get onto your knees before slowly, sensually, crawling to him on all fours. You keep your eyes on him as you do while he can’t keep his off of your swaying ass, fake tail, and pretty tits that look like hanging fruit to him. When you finally make it to him, you stand and sit on his lap, curling up like a cat against him. He smells so good––a mix of the vanilla-scented soap and the Polo cologne he often wears. 

He wraps one arm around your waist while his other hand comes to stroke your cheek. “You know, I should be pissed,” he says as one slender finger strokes your chin. “I shouldn’t be this soft on you at all for pulling that shit, making me so fucking hard that I had to stroke my cock to those videos in the bathroom.” 

A hot wave of arousal floods you, making your pussy twitch. “Y-You did?” you ask. He narrows his eyes at you. “Did I say to speak?” he firmly asks. You button your lip, your heart thundering. “But since you asked, yes, V, I did. I fucked my fist to every video of you moaning my name and fucking yourself with that dildo like it was my cock. I had to do something or else I’d be walking around the office with a hard-on in my pants all day.” 

Your nasty mind runs wild with thoughts of your man in a bathroom stall, his slacks down and hand wrapped around his cock, pumping away and bitting back moans as he watches the dildo slip into your tight cunt again and again on his phone, just praying for time to go quicker so he could come home to fuck you himself. 

“It didn’t help that the videos were so fucking hot,” he huffs. “I’m supposed to have my head screwed on tight at work and yet, all I could think about was you playing with that slutty pussy in our bed.” You relish in his desperation, loving how needy you make him too. “I think you need to be punished,” he softly growls to you. “You, my darling kitty, need some lessons. And it’s a good thing I bought this to start with.” 

He coaxes you to get up for a moment and walks to his briefcase, opening it to reveal a black box. He comes to where you sit: by the chair, kneeling submissively for him. “Turn around and close your eyes for me.” You do as he says, gasping when you feel a leather collar snap around your neck. “I saw it at the mall last week and thought of you,” he explains. “I knew it’d be a perfect addition to your gear.” 

And it is! The pink leather collar with its tiny gold bell perfectly matches your ears and tail. It fills you with such joy, especially since Nanami bought it for you. He turns you around, helping you stand before him. “Now look at you,” he dreamily sighs. “The cutest kitty ever. You wanna be a good kitty for me tonight?” 

You nod your head, trembling in anticipation and excitement. You want his touch. His kiss. His everything. “Then get on the bed and hike that ass in the air,” he demands. “Do it now and hurry the fuck up. I’m too fucking pent up to be slow and sensual.” You’re counting on it as you move onto the bed and get into position: face down, ass up, just the way Nanami likes to fuck…some of the time. Other times, he loves seeing your face as you take his cock. 

You then feel him stand behind you, his presence equally thrilling and comforting, and softly mewl when you feel his hand stroke your asscheeks. “I’m gonna spank this gorgeous ass six times and every time I do, you count. Understand?” 

“Yes, Master,” you reply, but you can barely get the whole sentence out before his rough, calloused hand comes down hard onto your ass. SMACK! The sharp sound of his hand connecting with your asscheek echoes throughout the bedroom as does your gasp of surprise and pain when it settles over you. “I’m not hearing any counting, kitty,” he taunts you. “Are you once again disobeying me? Do you want to cum tonight or not?” 

At the mention of your orgasm being on the line, you muster up all the willpower you can to obey him. “One,” you whimper. SMACK! His hand comes down again on the same cheek, causing the stinging sensation to intensify. “Two!” you shout. He does it again, this time on your other cheek, but it hurts worse. “Three–shit, Kento, that hurt!” you hiss. 

The stinging, burning sensation you feel brings tears to your eyes and will no doubt make it hard to sit…but it also makes you wetter than you have been all day. “What do you think the punishment is for?” Nanami chuckles. “Keep counting, kitty. You’re almost there.” 

SMACK! He hits you again, biting his bottom lip at the way your ass recoils against his hand. 

“Four!” you sob. Then another, causing you to moan in a mixture of pain and pleasure. “Five! Fuck, Keny, please!” 

“Please what, darling?” he asks. “Stop?” You don’t answer. You don’t even know if you want him to stop. “But you’re at the last one. Just keep counting.” He waits an excruciatingly long couple of seconds before his hand comes down to smack your juicy, plump, jiggly ass again.

SMACK! “Six!” you whine, squeezing your wet eyes shut against the pain. 

Nanami swoops in to caress your stinging ass in soft strokes and soothing, wet kisses immediately, praising you for such a good job. “Good girl,” he coos. “Such a good little kitty cat. You did so well for me taking your punishment like that.” You softly moan, enjoying the sweet kisses and touches that he places on your ass…but they don’t last for long. 

He stops his aftercare, staring down at you with those intimidating eyes. “But you still have to show me how sorry you are,” he says, his eyes demanding. “Get on your back and sit up for me.” Though slowly, you do as he says and settle onto your ass despite the sting, leaning back against your elbows with your knees bent. 

Nanami then wanders into the bathroom without a word, coming seconds later holding his yellow, leopard-printed tie in his fist. Your body reacts immediately, your skin hot and your heart pitter-pattering in your chest. You know what is coming next as he gets up onto the bed on his knees beside you, still in his towel. You look down, finding his hardened cock standing at attention and creating a tent under his towel. 

Looking up at him, you immediately show him your wrists and he takes the message. “Let me know if it’s too tight,” he says before taking your wrists and tying his tie around them. You watch his hands and his face as he does, loving how focused he is and how expertly he binds your wrists together, making them secure but not tight enough where it hurts. 

Once finished, he places your arms down in front of you. “Good?” he asks and you nod, giving him a reassuring smile. Then comes the part you’ve been aching for. Standing up on his knees with his eyes trained on you, he finally loosens his towel, revealing his narrow hips, V-line, toned stomach, and hard, thick, throbbing cock to you. 

You practically salivate at the sight, especially when he begins to stroke himself right in front of you. “You want this?” he asks, his hand slowly pumping his cock in your face. “Is this what you’ve been craving?” 

You feel your pussy twitch impatiently, your thong drenched at this point. You lick your plump lips to moisten them, desperate to taste him. “Yes, Master,” you softly moan. “Please…please let me taste you. I’ll make you feel so, so good.” Nanami’s gaze softens as he inches toward you, bringing his cock to your lips. “Oh, baby,” he coos, “I know you will. Your mouth was made for me.” 

Before you know it, his cock is slipping between your lips and you are forced to quickly accommodate to his size and girth as he begins to slowly rock his hips into your panting mouth. The groan that escapes his mouth at the feeling of your hot, wet tongue and lips wrapped around his shaft is one of yearning and need. He has been so pent-up all day. You can feel it in the way his cock throbs in your mouth as it slides along your tongue, gradually sliding deeper down your throat. 

Nanami’s hand moves to the back of your head, his fingers sinking into your hair. “That’s right, darling,” he groans, transfixed by the way you take him down your throat. “Take that cock deep in that mouth for me. You’re such a good little kitty for me, aren’t you? You want all of that milk, don’t you?” 

You feel your pussy gush at his words which means he is just as into this as you are if he’s dirty-talking. You love it when he gets like this. Even more so when he decides to slide his cock out of your mouth and replace it with his index and middle fingers. “Suck them,” he orders you. You do so, wrapping your plump, soft lips around his digits and gently sucking on them, looking deep into his eyes as you do. 

When he is satisfied, he takes them out of your mouth and trails them down to your thong. He pulls the tiny, thin string of fabric to the side and proceeds to rub your gushing, soaking, wet pussy with its puffy lips and swollen clit. You moan pathetically, your eyelids fluttering closed at his touch. “K-Kento!” you moan. “Kenny, baby, please!” 

He doesn’t allow you a chance to continue to speak because his cock is sinking back into your mouth again, making your voice muffled. “Don’t you dare stop,” he demands. “And don’t close your thighs either. Keep them open for me. This is what sluts like you get, you understand?” 

You nod as best as you can with his cock still in your throat, gagging and slobbering all over it as your thick, pillowy-soft thighs tremble with the effort it takes to keep them open as Nanami rubs your pussy. He continues to fuck your throat like it’s a toy, using your mouth to get himself off. The sheer force of his intense thrusts causes the bed to creak and your cat ears to nearly fall off your head. 

“Such a good fucking slut, I swear,” he huffs as he pumps his cock in and out of your warm, wet mouth. “You were just waiting for me to come home and fuck your throat…use you up like only I can. Only I can do this to you.” He then plunges his fingers inside of you, emitting a loud, muffled moan from you around his cock. “Is that clear?” he growls. 

He slides his cock out of your mouth, the long, thick appendage bobbing in your face and hitting your cheek as it does. “Yes!” you sob. “Yes, I’m yours!” You can feel your pussy tightening around his fingers, that knot in your core about to snap. “Then show me,” he orders. “Cum all over my fucking fingers like a good kitty. Give me that fucking cum, V. Do it now!” 

The way he raises his voice makes you finally unravel and you cum all over his thick fingers that continue to curl inside of you, flicking against that spot that makes you see heaven. A symphony of moans and sobs of pleasure leave your lips as you gush all over him, your pussy walls clenching his fingers much to his enjoyment. 

When your orgasm finally stops tearing through you and fades, you are left feeling spent and satisfied though sticky from down below. Nanami slides his fingers out of you and sucks on them, slurping your cum off of his digits. He hums appreciatively as if you’re the best tithing he has ever tasted. He looks down at you panting heavily, looking winded. “Tired, darling?” he soothingly asks. 

You weakly nod, too tired to speak. “Well, too bad,” he replies, “because I still need to cum and I’m not stopping until I’m satisfied and sure that you’ve learned your lesson.” Before you can even take a breath, he has you on your back and your arms up over your head, one of his big hands clamping around them. You squeak as he slides his hips between your thighs, prying your legs apart, and his other hand slides down to move your wet thong to the side. 

“Nanami,” you say, but it’s all you can get out before his big, thick, hard cock is sliding inside of you, silencing all coherent words. As if sharing the same body, both of your eyes widen and your jaws go slack as soon as Nanami is snugly between the wet, tight, spongy walls of your cunt. “Oh, fuck!” you whine, your eyes fluttering closed at the immense pleasure you feel. He only moves slowly for a few seconds, letting you get used to him after going so long without him, and then he begins to really fuck you. 

His thrusts are brute and precise, nailing your G-spot again and again and turning your pussy into mush. “Fuck, kitty,” he moans, his lusciously deep voice washing over you and making you wetter. “You’re so fucking tight!” He moves his hand from your tied wrists to pin one of your jiggly, thick thighs to the bed, giving you the opportunity to slide them down between you as if that will stop him. 

He catches this and roughly pins them up by your head again, giving you a sharp smack on the ass with this other hand. “Move your fucking hands,” he growls. “You’re getting exactly what you wanted. You can’t run from it now, kitty.” His hips piston into you harder, faster, drawing pathetic moans, sobs, and gasps out of you. 

He stares down at you in absolute awe, loving the way your cute tummy jiggles, how your brown skin glistens in sweat, and how slutty you look as you take him. “God, you take my cock so good,” he groans. “Bet you’ve been waiting for this, hm? Bet you’ve been wishing that toy was me.” 

He leans down to press his lips to your ear, pressing his muscular, lean body to your plumper, softer one. “Tell me how good it feels,” he whispers. “Tell me you love the way I fuck you into our bed.” 

“I love it!” you babble, delirious from the dick. “I fucking love the way you fuck me, Master! I love you so, so much!”

He leans up to look down at you again, his face flushed from the pleasure and frantically fucking you. He strokes your cheek lovingly, using his thumb to gently play with your bottom lip. You part your lips and invite his digit in to suck on it. “I love you too, darling,” he moans. “Let me show you how much.” 

You barely have enough air in your lungs or energy in your body to moan or gasp as he begins to pummel you into the bed, making the bedsprings bounce and the mattress creak under your body. He grabs your titties, tummy, and thighs as he fucks you stupid, squeezing the flesh and marveling at the way your body looks so good underneath him. It makes him want to fuck you until he fills you to the brim, claiming you as his own. When he realizes how fast he is fucking you, he stops and slips out of you, his cock still hard and slick with your wetness. 

“What’s wrong?” you pant, confused. You lay there on your back as he wipes his blonde hair out of his face and away from his sweaty forehead.

“Had to take a break,” he sheepishly admits. “I’ve had a long day at work and unfortunately for you, baby, you’re pussy is the perfect stress reliever. I don’t want to be that rough with you.” 

You can see in his eyes that he needs this and you need it too. Your pussy throbs and aches for him again, needing to be released. You sit up and give him a reassuring smile, beckoning him inside you again. “It’s okay, Kento,” you whisper. “I trust you. You can take everything out on me.” 

He stares at you for a moment, looking shocked at your willingness to be his good little kitty. Then, without a word, he rises from the bed and walks over to his briefcase, his firm, plump ass hypnotizing you as he walks. You sit up straight, confused and becoming impatient with this waiting. You watch as he takes something out of his case wrapped in red wrapping paper and brings it back over to you. You watch his big titties sinewy with fine, blonde chest hair and thick cock bounce as he walks over to you and then climbs into bed. 

“I got something else to go along with the collar,” he explains, showing you what is hidden beneath the wrapping paper: a leash with a clip to hook onto the collar. Your heart leaps at the sight, especially since you know what it’s for. “Is this okay with you?” he asks, concern in his eyes. “We don’t have to go any farther than this.” 

But you do. You want to go so far that you can’t turn back. And you won’t want to because you’re with him and you know that he’ll keep you safe. “I wanna try it,” you answer. “Go ahead, Master. Leash me and fuck me how you need to.” 

You see a lustful fire explode behind Nanami’s eyes before he helps you turn around and position you onto your knees. You shiver and tremble as you feel him tug gently on your collar as he clips the leash on and then wraps it around his fist. “Head on the pillow, baby,” he instructs you and you do so, hiking your plump ass in the air. He presses a soft kiss to your lips, showing you tenderness before he ruins you. “The safety word is “red”, okay?” he whispers. “Don’t forget it.” 

“Mmm-hmm,” you hum before moaning into the pillow as his cock sinks into your pussy once more. Your jaw goes slack the minute he slides in. You can feel all of him stretching you open, his balls slapping your needy, tingling clit as he pummels into you again and again. “Fuck, Kento!” you scream into the pillow. 

You then feel him tug hard on your leash, yanking you up by the collar. “Who?” he barks into your ear, still beating your shit up like it’s somebody that owes him money. “M-Master!” you whine. “Fuck, that feels s-so good!” 

“I bet it does,” he chuckles. “I bet you love taking your Master’s cock. And you’re gonna continue to take it until I cum, understand?” He tightens his grip on the leash, squeezing your throat a bit as he continues to piston into your pussy, making your ass bounce and jiggle against him. Between the choking, his dick game, and your tied wrists, you are losing your everloving mind, quickly teetering closer to that edge of another orgasm. 

“Master,” you whimper brokenly. “I-I’m gonna cum.” Nanami moans delightfully at that, moving in close to your ear. “My little kitty is gonna cum?” he teasingly asks. “Does she wanna cum all over this cock while her Master fills you up?” You frantically nod, your walls fluttering and clenching around him. 

“Do it then,” he demands, his voice horse and desperate. “Cum for me while I cum for you, darling. Please, kitty, give it to me! Fucking cum with me!” 

It only takes a couple more harsh thrusts to finally make that dam inside of you burst. “Fuck, Kenny!” you whine as the gates finally flood and you cream all over his cock, tugging and squeezing on him as he continues to pummel into you. 

He then slams his hands down on the mattress on either side of your body and rides your pussy to chase his own high. He fucks you rough and fast, making your entire body bounce against the bed until his body tenses and stills, his one hand moving to grip your ass. “Fuck, V, I’m cumming!” he groans. “Take it all for me, kitty!” 

And like a good, obedient kitty girl, you do. You take every ounce of his cum as he spurts inside of you, moaning as he does so. You gasp as you feel him spill inside of you, filling you up to the point of spillage. You feel something wet drip down your thighs as he gives you a few more slow, sloppy thrusts before pulling out of you. He slides his cock head across your asscheeks, coating it in his cum, humming as he does so. 

You lay on the bed, completely drained, sore, and so, so satisfied. Nanami presses a kiss to the middle of your back and trails his lips downward, peppering your skin in hot, gentle kisses. You softly giggle as he does, still lying in the afterglow.

“Good kitty,” he whispers, stroking your hair. “Now let’s get you into the bath, darling.” 

You let him scoop you up from the bed and walk you into the bathroom to soak in a hot bath, bringing a lovely end to his sexy return home and creating a wonderful end to an evening with just the two of you. 

[ichorandpride]

do you hate marika?

I don't hate any video game characters, tbh, because imo the point of fiction is to understand nuance and how the characters got to where they are. aka yknow. listening to the fucking plot

Unfortunately imo, internet culture has created a festering black and white mentality where everything has to be either Evil or Good (and that in and of itself can be completely discoursed which is so funny to watch, as in you can have the most obnoxiously sweet Good character but people will still find ways to twist them into something Evil)

take Miquella for example. i see discourse all the time about how Miquella is Actually Evil and like yeah i can see those points and agree with some of them. but i can also agree with a lot of the points that Miquella is kinda just doing his own thing, and is doing anything he can to be able to get there. he's kinda morally grey imo which a lot of people hate and can't agree with because, again, everything has to be black and white. it's literally just that he's doing anything he can to see his goals come to fruition

on the same note, Queen Marika is quite morally grey as well when you consider it. has she done bad things? yes of course. i mean it's a fromsoft game, everyone has done bad things to further their own agenda. but in the end, she instigated the Shattering despite being the very symbol of the elden ring, in a way destroying the entire order she ruled over. most of the other details can be a bit fuzzy since, yknow, it's a fromsoft game but ironically that's kinda the entire point. it's for us to form our own opinions and theories. personally i like this theory a lot, and the dlc solidified a lot of points from it

mind you there's really only really two characters that i kill on sight after doing the quests or encountering them and that's Dung Eater (for obvious reasons) and Shabriri (i just disliked his voice, though it does speak a lot for his VA's skill to be able to make him so off-putting that he's marked as a kill on sight character to many who first encounter him. that and Shabriri is a genocide joe so his death is kinda valid iauwbhaubauhb)

idk im rambling but no i neither love nor hate the majority of characters in any games. a lot of them can be understood which is the entire point of storytelling. to be able to form theories, opinions, and not categorize shit into black and white. except Dung Eater. he's aptly named and is definitely in the Very Bad category. like i get his intentions but man the way he goes about it is..... yikes

[otakween]

Digimon Frontier - Episode 38

This episode kinda sucked. There was a heavy reliance on stock/repeated animation. half the episode was in a bland void so that Baromon could give his powerpoint presentation, and we had to hear the same damn backstory AGAIN (I think this is the 3rd or 4th time?) I found the introduction of the new baddies pretty underwhelming as well. I think I'm getting fatigued by the "but wait, there's more!" treadmill...

Notes:

I think they're breaking the "show don't tell" principle with all of these lore dumps. I feel like I understood that Lucemon was using Cherubimon based on his (very brief) comments at the end of the previous episode, I didn't really need it to be all spelled out for me.

Every environment was so boring in this episode I felt like taking a nap instead. First they went to this random black void (with floaty blue things) which is the ~archive of all digital world history~ (why is it in the middle of nowhere?), then they kept showing stock attack animation in white voids, and the final fight against the royal knights was in a desolate, grey wasteland. There was also a lot of digivolution sequences padding things out, but that's nothing new.

The digital world kind of feels like it's already dead at this point. They keep zooming out and showing the "planet" with so many holes in it and its been so long since we've had a "village" episode that it kinda feels like they're fighting for a lost cause (based on the preview it looks like they'll remedy that somewhat next time)

I'm sick of them introducing characters and killing them off in one episode. Seraphimon, Goatmon, now Baromon. Also, the shot where Baromon is hit kind of felt ripped off from when Wizardmon died in Adventure. Only this time, we feel nothing. (The kids didn't even react lol).

LordKnightmon and Dynasmon have pretty strong designs (and most of the animation budget for the episode seemed to go to them), but they seem kinda blah personality wise. I think with the villains of the first arc we at least had the benefit of seeing them hang out and talk to each other outside of the battle. Maybe that will come later (I need to give them a chance haha)

Just as I suspected they gave LordKnightmon a female voice in the dub 😏 (God forbid a pink character have a male VA). I don't like their "beauty!" gimmick.

Dynasmon just looks like they could be a digivolution of a good guy character (must be the light colors they chose). I don't know what their gimmick is other than "strong."

Neemon trying to hide in Bokomon's haramaki was cute.

When the kids yelled out "KaiserGreymon!" and "MagnaGarurumon!" when they were worried about them it made me laugh because of how long the names are.

[violettelueur]

— (EX-YAKUZA!AU) NANAMI KENTO || WAY OF THE HOUSE HUSBAND 

↳ featuring : nanami kento from jujutsu kaisen

↳ warnings : mention of violence + grammar issues

↳ form : headcanons

↳ published : 23 may

↳ pronouns : she/her

↳ request : Hello~Could I request ex-yakuza Nanami and his wife? Especially since The Way of The House Husband is coming out (ex-yakuza husband turned house husband and his working badass wife) and the VA for Nanami is voicing the husband from the show! Headcannons of their domestic life together? Nanami deserves to rest and just be a house husband （＾＿＾）☆

↳ barista’s notes : so i have begin to notice that none of my work shows up on the tags and i’m beginning to wonder if i am shadowbanned or i did something on my settings...so i shall check after posting this ʕ ᵒ ᴥ ᵒʔ other than that, i hope you enjoy your cup of classic black coffee and come back soon ʕ•ᴥ•ʔﾉ♡

When you first met Nanami...let’s just say that no one knows how you both met at all except for the both of you...and no one ever brings it up when having a conversation with you both.

The grey suit with the blue shirt and leopard print yellow tie is a common sight for you to see (and you ain’t complaining at all) - add a little yellow apron on, shall I?

Nanami is a surprisingly good baker as he always makes sure to bake a loaf of bread in the morning for your lunch that he is going to prepare for you next.

If you ever forget about your lunch, he will deliver it to you in his classic bike and when he comes in, he does scare some of your co-workers since they instantly can sense the Yakuza vibe from him.

To be honest, even being married to him for how ever long you have been married, it is still very scary how clean the house is when you come home from your job...like it was clean before you left but for some reason, you can tell the difference instantly -  you always say ‘scary’ when you observe the house.

When you ever go outside to do something, you are always greeted by the older ladies within the area you are in because Nanami is well aquatinted with them from the sports activities you encouraged him to do - he did mumble something about sessions going overtime a bit too much.

When your parents come to visit the both of you, just know Nanami will go into the whole chef mood like he is in the Masterchef TV show to impress them - even though he already did when you first started dating since his gentlemen like mannerism sometimes cover the fact that he was a yakuza.

Nanami will make you stray away from housework because if you do it...what the hell is he going to do to fill his ‘househusband’ role - though he does hate work, housework is something he loves doing since it’s his way of appreciating the hard work you do that he hates (like a job)

Whenever he goes out, police do look at him in the weirdest way and do get the wrong message on what he is doing from time to time and it’s funny to you because of the way he plays it off so seriously - his glasses makes it funnier.

Even though you told him many times to quit, you can’t help but find him smoking really sexy...just the bad boy vibes you want to keep but want to take away at the same time.

You are the only person that can hit him physically without getting any repercussions because you are his wife, who dreams to be someone that no other person can be - like when he compliments you in front of someone and you get embarrassed, you can’t help but spark him in the door.

There are times when Nanami keeps his Yakuza habits to the point where you have to physically stop him like one time he had gifted you something but you already got it - if you know, you know.

When you go in public with him, people will come up to you and ask if you are okay once Nanami goes to fetch something he had forgotten and when you inform them that he is your husband...they will assume that it was some way to pay off a debt you didn’t have enough money to pay back for.

During shopping trips for him, he is always wary of your health and all the good nutrients that you have to have in a balanced diet like if you drop a bottle of Fanta, he will say you already have some and ‘stoking up’ isn’t a good excuse.

You both will lightly argue about what you need and what you don’t need when shopping because we both know that you both set up a budget that you are willing to break - always make sure to hold his loyalty card for him because sometimes he will forget.

Since he is an ex-yakuza, he is wary about your safety and what’s to make sure that wherever you are, you are okay and safe - expect a few calls here and there.

Overall, Nanami converting from a yakuza to a househusband really tells you how much he is devoted to you and how much he loves you to the point he will quit having a normal life with you - it really does warm your heart to the point where the are times when you would cry in his arms in appreciation and he will ask ‘who does he need to kill’.

© violettelueur 2021 : written and published by violettelueur - do not steal or repost

[littlepadika]

Calling Home (1) | Frankie Morales x Reader

Summary: You are a receptionist at the VA. Frankie Morales keeps calling. Yearning ensues...

Rating: M -> E in later chapters

Warnings: fem!reader, age gap (legal), praise kink, voice kink, discussion of addiction/PTSD/trauma, no use of y/n, no beta reader, reader is bad at Spanish, Frankie has a sexy voice 😩

Masterlist here

AN: My first fic. Pedro writers have inspired me to finally start writing again 🥺. Concept inspired by the movie RED. I hope you like it ❤️Set after triple frontier.

Chapter One

~~~~~~~~~~~

The first time he called was an ordinary Thursday.

“Veterans Affairs, how can I help you?”

You had been working at the VA office for about two weeks. Fresh out of college you felt lucky to have a job in the first place. You went to school to be a writer but your big idea for 'The Next Great American Novel' had yet to present itself. At least here you had access to the most inspiring stories and interesting people. Men and women who had seen more and done more than you probably would in your entire life. You loved talking to clients on the phone. It was weird but something about only being able to hear people’s voices excited you. You would sometimes write little stories in your head about the people you'd talk to, filling in the details that were unknown.

Your desk accessories reflected your love of books and writing. You had your growing collection of books sitting on your desk sandwiched between baby pink bookends. Next to them was a matching desk organizer filled with your favorite sparkly pens and sticky notes. You had decorated the plain cubicle walls with posters of quotes from your favorite books. You also brought your favorite candle from home. Even though you couldn’t light it you still liked to lift it to your nose once and a while and smell it between chapters. When you weren’t on the phone or scanning documents you would read. You finished To Kill A Mockingbird in your first week on the job and were now halfway through Murder on the Orient Express.

You were starting a new chapter when Frankie Morales called the first time.

You picked up the phone on the second ring already mustering your chipper 'customer service' voice. “Veterans affairs.” You stated your name. “How may I help you?”

“H-Hi. My name is Frankie- uh-Francisco Morales." A deep voice answered you. "I’m calling because I have gotten my benefits check yet. It’s been a month. I was hoping you could tell me if it got sent?”

“Okay Mr. Morales." You flipped on the computer. "Let me check. Can you spell your last name for me?”

“M-o-r-a-l-e-s”

“Okay... let's see.” You clicked on his account. You were momentarily distracted by his picture likely taken when he graduated basic if you had to guess based off the uniform. He looked sweet. Sharp nose and strong jaw balanced by kind eyes and a shy smile. You could imagine how age would continue to soften his expression making him even more handsome. The image was a strange juxtaposition to the voice you were hearing on the phone which was much deeper and rougher. His profile said he was special forces. A pilot. The rest of the information was blacked out. Something you were used to seeing on many people's accounts but even his years of service were redacted. He must have been involved in some dangerous stuff, you thought to yourself. The dates that were not redacted were mostly in Latin America. You clicked over to processing requests. “Looks like the check got sent one week ago.” You informed him.

"I'll look again but I haven't seen anything-" It sounded like he was apologizing when clearly it was not his fault.

"No no. It's probably a mistake on our end." You interrupted. With how shitty and outdated the payroll interface was you wouldn't be surprised if there was a mix up. "I’ll go ahead and let payroll know to send another."

"Great. Thanks." He replied sounding relieved. The roughness in his voice gave way to a smooth baritone.

“No problem. I'm sorry for any inconvenience it may have caused. We'll get it sent right away." You hoped he was not relying on this benefit check for anything important. While you could promise you'd fix the problem, the administration was notoriously slow. When he didn't respond you asked, "Is there anything else I can help you with today, Mr. Morales?”

“Uh-no" The roughness back in place. "Thank you." He paused before adding your name onto his thank you which made you smile. People usually never remembered your name.

“Alright. Have a nice day and thank you for your service.” You chirped before hanging up. The smile he put on your face lingered for a few minutes as you returned to your book.

The next time he called was exactly twelve days later.

“Veterans affairs” you answered, your routine greeting cut short as your eyes were still on your book.

“Hi- I’m calling because uh I still haven’t gotten my benefits check. This is Frankie Morales.”

“Oh Mr. Morales.” You recognized his voice even before he even said his name. You quickly shut your book, pushing your hair out of your face. Had you been thinking about him? No! Okay maybe you stared at his picture for a few minutes longer after he hung up. Yes, it was probably very unprofessional but you couldn't fight the curiosity. You were trying to rationalize the contrasting sharpness and softness of his features with his voice. How it all worked together. How one person's voice could change textures and colors so easily. You wondered what kind of things this man might have seen on the job. Most of the veterans you would help day to day did not have so many redacted missions and deployments. You were in the middle of Narcos season one so you immediately thought of drugs or something equally dangerous. After much pondering, you had come to the conclusion that Frankie Morales was both insanely attractive and insanely courageous. “Still no check, huh?”

“Nope.” He sighed the sound making the phone's shitty speaker crackle as you held it to your ear.

“Let me just check that it was approved...“ you found his profile again and scrolled to the status page. “Hmm... it says it was sent out last Friday after we spoke. That’s so weird...”

“Yeah. Really weird.” He echoed your frustration on the other end.

Typical payroll, you thought to yourself as you rolled your eyes. “I'll get another one sent to you right away. I'll see to it myself.” You tucked the phone under your chin and typed out a short email to Mary in payroll letting her know you'd be stopping by her office to explain the situation. You realized he hadn't hung up yet.

“Sorry for the back and forth.” You said, trying to fill the silence.

“It’s not your fault." The earlier irritation gone. "You’ve been really helpful.” His voice sounded warm and reassuring. Less gruff than it was last you spoke. Instead it was that rich baritone that you caught of glimpse of last time.

You feel your face warm at his compliment. It was this annoying reflex you had. Praise always made you blush no matter what context but it was worse when it came from a (you assume) gorgeous stranger.

“And just to verify that your address is correct- you’re on Maple Lane in Miami, Florida?”

“That’s right.” He confirmed.

“Okay. Sent!” You clicked send on the email, which caused the window to close and reveal Frankie’s profile page again. “I was curious-" You spoke before you really made the decision to speak. You didn’t want to overstep but once again your curiosity got the better of you. Honestly, you were just searching for a way to keep him on the phone. The day had been so boring.

“Your profile says you were stationed in Costa Rica.”

“For a bit.” He replied after a moment. He didn’t sound too defensive but there was definitely some tightness in his answer that made you feel bad for asking. Like you were scratching a wound.

“Did you like it? The country I mean.”

“Are you planning a trip?” He sounds a little amused.

“Yeah- well- kind of. It's more a trip in my head right now. I’d like to go there one day. It looks so beautiful.” You sighed closing your eyes trying to imagine the heat on your skin.

“It is." He agrees. "Really humid though.”

“Mm that sounds nice.” You would kill for some warm weather after such a long winter in DC.

“It was too muggy for me at times." He grumbled. "If you do go, stick to the costal areas where it’s more breezy or else you’ll just be sweating the whole time.”

“I don’t mind a little sweat” you shrugged, still thinking of the awful east coast winter you were currently suffering through. The sexual connotation of what you said hit you hard as soon as you heard the statement in its entirety. You felt your face flush again, though the man on the other end would never know.

“I’m learning Spanish!" You announced loudly trying to move the conversation past your awkwardness.

“Wow. Muy impressivo.”

“Si” you replied but after a moment you admit “I don’t really know what you said.”

Frankie laughed loudly on the other end and you couldn’t help but join in, drawing dirty looks from the elderly lady, Donna, working in the cubicle across from you. You ducked your head behind a stack of papers to avoid her glare.

“Fake it till you make it.” He chuckled.

“Maybe you should help me out.��� You took on an indigent but still playful tone. “You sound better than duolingo” Your smile widened when he laughed again. His laugh was what you hoped it would be, by all your assumptions from his picture. It was an unencumbered, unburdened, rich sound with only a hit of roughness from the air behind it.

“Tell me you’re not using that dumb app to learn.” he scoffed, saying your name in an almost scolding tone.

“I’m got my thirty day streak today.” You boasted.

“You’ll be a total tourist if you go by duolingo.”

“But the owl is so cute every time I get something right!” You argued your voice taking on a more childish cadence.

“That’s how they trap you, silly girl.” He teased right back. Usually such a condescending nickname would piss you off but something about the affection behind him using it made you feel very differently. You felt warm like you were proud to be silly as long as it made him laugh.

“Then you saved me just in time, Mr. Morales.” You bit your lip. His scoffing and laughter died down on the other end.

“Frankie” He corrects you.

“Frankie…” You repeated it, smiling at how well the nick name suited the voice over the phone. Honest, sincere, and not pretentious at all. Way better than the pompous guys you know with equally stuffy names like “Edward” and “Christopher.”

“So what do you want to know?” Frankie interrupted your thoughts. “Dime”

You started asking him questions in Spanish to the best of your ability. Granted they weren't particularly probing questions. What is your name? What is your favorite color? What is your favorite animal? What's your favorite book? I am reading Gone Girl. He answered them all with patience and amusement, occasionally interrupting you to correct your pronunciation or explain what a word meant. Every time you’d repeat the word back correctly he would say something like “good” or “there you go” or “you got it”. You hated to admit that his kind words and his praise was doing something to you. You didn't even realize you were clenching your legs together unconsciously, almost in anticipation of his next correction or next answer. His low voice so sweet and encouraging against your ear, more tangible when he was speaking Spanish. You just wanted to hear more of it. Would it be this sweet in other situations? Would it get huskier or rougher? If you closed your eyes it was like he was sitting right next to you. It would be all too easy to slip into that daydream and escape the dull office.

Suddenly out of the corner of your drooping eyes you saw a flashing red light on the phone console meaning another caller was waiting.

“Shoot- i’m sorry, Frankie- I have to take this call.” You shot forward in your chair, legs uncrossing.

“Of-Of course. I should let you get back to work.” He sounded a little sad or so you hoped. You felt bad for interrupting him after you both were having so much fun. You wanted to say he could wait on hold but he killed that idea when he said, "I have work too. Technically I'm five minutes past my lunch break."

Your pout turned to a smile. He was spending his precious lunch break with you? Get a grip! you snapped at yourself.

“You’re welcome to call again if you want.” You threw out the offer in a small voice, scared you would be rejected. You peered over the cubicle wall to see if you were still being glared at. Thankfully Donna was away from her desk. Probably out for a smoke. “It’s really boring here and usually no one calls.”

“Maybe I will.” He replied and you could hear the smile behind those words. You felt your heart clench weirdly in your chest like it didn't know how to process the sudden spike in emotions.

“Bye, Frankie.” You beamed.

“Bye”

This time the smile on your face lasted for hours. Frankie’s laugh echoed around in your head, taunting you, sending your mind to the gutter. His voice went from grit to molasses on a dime. You wanted to be the one to bring out those sounds. You wanted to hear his voice bend and stretch and strain as you fucked him. What the hell is wrong with me? you screamed internally. You had never been so depraved and with a stranger no less! You clearly needed to get laid fast because this much yearning would not end well.

Frankie got the second VA check a few days later and this time he didn’t even feel bad about ripping it in half. He was already reaching for the phone to call you.

~~~~~~~~~~~

Tags: Message to be added 💕 no minors please!

[blankboxes]

Why is rivaere so precious- 😩💖

Because!!!

> Eren canonically dreams about Levi (see Eren-heichou)

> Mutual hatred and passion to exterminate titans くちく！

> Levi is fixated on mentioning Eren’s ass throughout the story

> Levi willingly breaks into Eren’s home.

> Unconventional yet significant touching foreheads (see volume covers), fingers (see theme song), shoulder leans (x3), indirect kiss scene (lol)

> Most popular ship in the fandom! (Ereri and Riren both have strong followings and works dedicated to the pairing!)

> Eren cleans best according to Levi

> Mikasa’s VA, their English VAs voiced support for the ship!

> Kaji Yuki’s love for Levi! (see his “heichou...” tweet) and Hiroshi Kamiya loves Kaji’s work on Eren

> constantly being centered in the official arts next to either Hanji, Mikasa, Erwin, Jean, Armin

> Levi doesn’t care how messy Eren is, he’ll still care for him (nosebleed, cleaning Eren up in the 4-panel, saving Eren)

> Levi’s sacrificed so many of his trusted friends and comrades for Eren ( m a n g a )

> Levi’s protective of Eren (see Yelena interaction)

> They work as werewolf x vampire, reindeer x Santa, director, celebrity, zookeepers, businessmen, mafia, cooks, so many different canon AUs with them together

> Them being featured on every calendar cover

> multiple visits back to the sea (AND THE FACT THAT THEYRE WATCHING THE SUN SET WHILE EATING TOGETHER), ride horses together across the horizon and sunset

> the lottery poster where Eren eats with Levi again, the connected lottery poster where Eren is buttoning his shirt and Levi is just there sewing—!!!

> the fact that Levi calls Eren—Ereeeeen

> the fact that Historia questions their relationship together

> complementary colors!!! (Red and Green) Levi being referred to as cool and Eren as hot!

> Wings of Freedom symbolism (Humanity’s Hope x Humanity Strongest) see the black and white rings

> Eren bringing along Levi with Armin and Mikasa to hanami, flower crown making (Note Levi’s line of eyesight!!!)

> Levi forcefully washes Eren and shaves Eren (4-Koma for episode 67!)

> Levi following Eren (secretly) in manga and gazing at Eren in official arts

> Levi constantly calling Eren “not bad” and even in a promo for 進撃���阪神競馬場, calling merch of them together—“not bad”

> Eren making Levi his phone case choice despite the other anime characters using either themselves, another object, or their confirmed CP in the docomo select campaign!

> Eren also vehemently arguing for a motherly Levi look! While he himself, told to have a motherly look by Isayama.

> Levi’s dish being a three tier chee-burg steak at the hot spring promo! (Eren’s favorite food — 2021)

> Ererin (from drama CD) and No Name parallels

> Eren celebrating Levi’s birthday in junior high and at Fukuoka Tower (Christmas 2020)

> Red Swan Spotify album cover is just the two of them

> Their backs—touching!!

> Pretty much all of Attack on Junior High episode 2 is Eren chasing after Levi

> no one else understanding why Eren works so hard to protect Levi (Historia’s punch), get praised by Levi (Levi’s disappointment at their lack of cleaning)

> Eren constantly defending him from bad rumors (interview with Eren)

> Mikasa making out Levi to be a pervert for taking Eren away too often (2013 drama CD)

> Levi kicking down doors for Eren (return to the basement)

> edit: Levi and Eren got in the same sauna room nekkid and nothing happened 😊

So yes, ereri is precious.

[kryptonite0482]

Exposing BoyfriendAudio/K

For those who don’t know, K is a voice actor on YouTube and Patreon who creates boyfriend roleplay asmr audios. Some of the behavior exhibited by him and his community is concerning, and below are some observations and anecdotal evidence of his neglect to create a safe community for his listeners.

Not Dealing with Racism in his Community

An incident occurred in January 2021 after a white listener asked for a comfort for racism audio under his sound off post on Patreon and K agreed to it. Some WOC listeners felt uncomfortable with the audio idea:

This conversation happened outside of K’s platforms, but it should be noted that redacted in black is someone K knows very well and willingly associated with, and they were racist to WOC listeners

Redacted in black used an angry tone with them and they were gaslit by her as she told them to “calm down” when trying explain legitimate concerns about the audio idea 

K was told about the situation and he described the racism as “not quite that cut and dry” in an email to another listener. He has recently claimed to have removed the listener who was racist but it still shows that he is pledged to him on Patreon. You can tell who is pledged on the Patreon app as there is a red flag next to their name, and her flag is still there

No Moderators for His Platforms

K is one of the biggest VAs on YouTube and has the most patrons for an erotic audio creator on Patreon. He has a lot of followers and with that comes the responsibility to create a safe space for those in his community, especially on Patreon where people are supporting him financially. He has no moderators that he has disclosed for either platform, and it has allowed for very concerning and hostile messages to be shared. On YouTube, there have been disturbing audio requests and parasocial behavior exhibited by young listeners. On Patreon, there was a transphobic comment on one of his q&a’s that remained there for over a year. If K does not have the time to be proactive and moderate his comments, he needs to find moderators to do it for him because the lack of moderation has created a community that does not feel safe and welcoming for many viewers.

Dismissive of Triggers

K posted an audio on Patreon that some viewers were triggered by as his behavior felt coercive and manipulative to them. His reply to those listeners who voiced their feelings is that he would “take down the audio if enough people feel the same way.” How many people need to be reminded of trauma in order for action to be done? Regardless, those listeners were just asking for trigger warnings for the audio, not for it to be taken down. However, because he offered to take the audio down, this created hostility towards the listeners who felt uncomfortable or triggered by the audio from those who enjoyed it. The listeners who enjoyed the audio continued to defend it and argue with those who felt triggered. It became so hostile that some listeners had to leave the platform entirely as they no longer felt safe in the community. K originally added a trigger warning: “aggressive” which many listeners felt was too vague. He ignored the hostile comments for two days until some listeners emailed him asking him to make a statement that constructive criticism is welcome, which he did as well as adding “demanding” to the trigger warning. Even though K did what was asked of him, the problem is that the listeners shouldn’t even have to ask for these things. These are paying listeners who should not have to be reminded of trauma when listening to an audio. Even if he didn’t realize how he came across, his inaction when the comments against those who were triggered became hostile was very disappointing. When there are a lot of arguments in the comments like there were on this audio, the creator needs to be paying close attention to the comments to make sure they are respectful, engaging in the conversation, and making a statement addressing everything and apologizing to listeners who felt triggered. Instead, those who were triggered had to defend themselves in the comments and had to ask him to make a statement. 

The hostility unfortunately did not remain on his platform, and someone made an anonymous account on Instagram to harass a listener who was triggered by the audio. When this listener decided to post about it on the community section of Patreon, her post was deleted by K. She also wrote a comment on that audio about the harassment she experienced, and here is how K responded:

We understand that groups outside the community are not moderated, but K isn’t even making an effort to moderate inside his own platforms. This listener would likely have not been harassed in the first place if K had handled the situation properly by apologizing to triggered listeners and setting the expectation that comments need to remain respectful to each other, and any hostile behavior in the comment section will be deleted. Instead, he only adds his P.S. statement when he’s asked by listeners and includes this PSA almost two weeks after the audio was posted. The topic of trigger warnings was being “spammed” because he wasn’t moderating the comments and allowed people to invalidate the trauma of those who were triggered by the audio. The conversation and hostility wouldn’t have lasted as long as it did if he took action quickly. In addition, this statement should have been a separate post itself so that his patrons would receive a notification and more of them would read it, rather than being added on at the end of a two week-old audio.

This post is not here to “cancel” K but rather to shed light on what is going on in his community and to urge him to do better. This could have been resolved privately as there have been multiple emails sent to K regarding these issues, but unfortunately no action was done. We feel that the public deserves to know about these issues, and you as potential listeners and supporters of BoyfriendAudio can decide what you take away from this information. Thank you for taking the time to read this if you made it this far. 

[sanguine-tenshi]

I just finished Inazuma and I have words

TL;DR: Hate the story, mixed on characters, love the design and tired of being treated like a 4-year-old with a learning disability.

SPOILERS UNDER THE CUT

Let’s start with what I like.

Inazuma is absolutely beautiful. I’ll admit Inazuma hits a lot of aesthetic points for me. All the islands are different enough to feel unique but they still look like they are a part of the same land. There are a lot of secrets to discover through just exploring. Each island has a world quest to help it (make it less hostile towards you) so it very much feels like you are saving Inazuma from itself.

.

The puzzles are alright.

I like the cubes that rotate, I always put in the effort to figure them out properly.

Hate the ones that don’t rotate, they just aren’t engaging enough for me, so I just hit them at random and hope for the best.

The glowing floor tiles were fun, once you actually realized what they wanted you to do. A little bit too easy if I’m honest.

The electro compass isn’t really much of a puzzle, more of a fetch the nearest electrograna quest.

Those little pillars that require an electro connection are kinda boring to me, again not much of a puzzle, the hardest part is finding both pillars.

I love the new electro seelie, kinda hard to follow the jittery thing in certain parts but they make a nice contrast to the regular seelies.

.

I’m very much mixed on characters.

Yoimiya is adorable. She is so bright and bubbly. What little game play we had with her was fun and I love her over the top style of fighting. Kinda disappointed she’s another pyro archer but I do admit it fits her character well. It was also wonderful seeing her just settle down and be quiet, just be a part of that moment that obviously meant a lot to her. It’s always nice to see that bubbly, energetic character have that one quiet thing, ya know. Kinda funny it’s fireworks, of all things, for her.

Gorou I like, from what little we’ve seen of him. My man killed a dude with his thighs so I’m down. I do find it kinda ridiculous that a resistance general has his whole damn belly exposed. There is also something about his voice that just does not fit. I cannot for the life of me put my finger on what exactly it is. Could be the tone itself, could be just voice acting. It sort of feels like the VA is trying to sound deeper than he actually does.

Sangonomiya Kokomi, mixed. I like her design, she looks like some sort of mystical priestess. Again something about the voice is jarring. I expected her to sound sort of airy, like she isn’t 100% present, like she’s seeing something we can’t. TBH she reminds me of Luna from HP for some reason. 

Yae Miko, I was interested because of her design. She sounds very arrogant and up her own ass, which would have been fine...if she hadn’t given us that god-awful line. “...I have high hopes for you, child. Don’t disappoint me.” Dear lord I wanted to punt her off the mountain. Or fucking what! Also she’s some bigshot priestess of the Sacred Sakura and yet she can’t do her damn job properly. Why couldn’t her arrogant ass come down from her high perch and cleanse the stupid roots? Why did the traveler have to do that shit?

Baal looks dead inside. Booba sword is overrated, get a life. I want a remach! And no cutscene shenanigans this time!

Kujou Sara seems like one of those ‘honor above all else’ characters. Those are either hit or miss with me. You have my attention for now. Also what are those shoes woman?! I’d rather you wear those leg-killing, needle point stilettoes instead of those Wish gag shoes. How in the name of all that is holy can you run in those?!

Thoma, I like him. At first I thought we were gonna get another Childe incident, but Thoma is too much of a innocent puppy to pull anything that horrible. To me he fits a fox a lot better than Childe does. Childe is a dingo and I stand behind that.

Kamisato Ayaka...hate her. At first I was neutral on her. Nothing about her design really spoke to me, but I was willing to wait and see. But then miHoYo started to violently push her friendship at us. We are totally friends now, this is the first time you see my face, but we are so totally friends now. And during her story quest everyone was like “Ah, you are so good Ayaka. You are so nice Ayaka. You are so perfect Ayaka. We all love you so much Ayaka. And oh, how could a mere merchant like myself...” Ew, go away. This is the first time I’m actively not pulling on a character banner. Normally I pull even if I’m not particularly interested in a character, because you never know how good their gameplay is until you take them out in the map. But I think I’ll be skipping this one. No thanks.

.

And now, the worst part, the story.

We’ve been hearing about the situation in Inazuma for a long time. There has been also a lot of talk about how hard it is to get there. About the wall of thunderclouds that surround the islands. So to have it cut to black and then voila Inazuma, feel just so cheap.

I was expecting something. An animation. A struggle. A quest. A minigame. At least show us the horrible weather! Something! Anything!

Hell if they wanted to be assholes about it they could have made it so that if the player fails at this point the ship is damaged, you return to Liyue and have to wait until tomorrow for the ship to be repaired. No Inazuma for today. That sure as hell would have raised the stakes.

The next complaint I have is with Yurika, the 2 milion mora processing fee girl. Later on Thoma mentions that the agency people see the fees as easy money, so her attitude doesn’t make much sense. After all someone like her would want to extract as much money as she can, but you still want the people to be able to pay that.

So it would make more sense to me if she was overly friendly and asked way too many questions. She’d need to get a much information as she can and after all the previous hostility people would be very open with her. So she’d be able to quickly find out why someone is here, what they are selling and roughly how much money they’d be able to pay. A merchant selling expensive silk would have more many than a regular ore merchant. So she’d be able to extract as much money as she could.

“I know this is a lot of money, especially for something so simple, but there is nothing I can do about it. I’m so very sorry.” And people wouldn’t say anything bad to her because she’s the first friendly face they see in Inazuma.

The stealth mission was just god-awful and I hope we never have to do that nonsense again.

Getting off of Ritou was a bit janky at the end, Chisato should have had a better reason for coming along. But I’m honestly just glad we didn’t get out the usual way...getting stuffed in a crate and smuggled out.

As a side note, I’m getting really tired of characters overexplaining things to me, especially Paimon. Dear lord, not everything has to be said, you can leave me to come to my own conclusions and solutions. Just please, who cares if a few player struggle for a bit, you don’t have to hold my hand through the whole thing.

Ayaka’s three were...ugh. It was basic emotional manipulation. Oh no this guy forgot about the love of his life and he’s been waiting for decades. And oh how sad this guy was so good and he helped these people so much but now he can’t remember. And oh the tragedy this guy forgot his life goal and is now hunted by the demons of the past. Oh the humanity! 

And it did not work. Know why? Because I have no emotional investment in any of these people, in this land. What is happening to the vision bearers in Inazuma is tragic, true, but that doesn’t make me want to overthrow the government. I don’t live here. I just got here. I wanna ask a question or two and then move on. None of this concerns me.

I was so happy when the traveler just flat out refused to start a revolution. And then we had to go and meet some people and immediately I knew this was going to be some oh noes the tragedy moments and then we would agree to help them.

It’s so forced.

Wanna know what would have been better?

Just as we are leaving the Kamisato estate Thoma catches up with us. And he tells us he gets it. We are an outsider and this doesn’t concern us. He was hopeful but he expected the denial. We shouldn’t hold it against Ayaka.

He joins us as a guide because he knows of the people we have to meet.

And so as we help these three we also get to know Thoma. We find out he was an outsider too. He got in just before the worst of it started and then he was stuck in Inazuma. He lost someone to the Vision Hunt. They slowly lost their mind after loosing their vision, their ambition too closely tied to their personality to continue without it (what is happening to Domon hits a little too close to home and he has to walk away, this is where we hear the story of the one he lost). And the same would have happened to him if the Kamisatos hadn't taken him in. He owes them his vision, his sanity and his life.

So this rebellion is personal for him.

At the end of the three wishes the atmosphere is somber. We tell him we understand why Ayaka fights, why he fights. We know that this is all wrong, that it should be stopped...but not by us. We came here to get a lead on our brother. And rebellion isn’t an overnight affaire and we can’t loose so much time in Inazuma.

And yeah, he expected as much. He just asks that we let Ayaka down gently. It’d be a shame if someone as idealistic and hopeful as her lost their spark.

And so we are gentle but firm with Ayaka. She looks like she wants to argue with us but Thoma shakes his head at her. So she sighs and tells us that a promise is a promise. We should come to the Komore Teahouse in a few days and she’ll have a plan for us to meet with the Shogun.

Now we can still have a character story quest with Yoimiya and we can still somehow get involved with helping Master Masakatsu, but it’s through Yoimiya instead of Ayaka.

And instead of a character story quest with Ayaka we have one with Thoma. Hell, give him a whole damn hangout event even.

You can probably guess why I’m pushing the friendship with Thoma so much.

Because. He. Gets. Kidnapped. For. The. 100th. Vision. Ceremony. 

And that would have been the perfect emotional in to get us involved in the rebellion. After all we just saw what happens to people who have their visions taken away and we are not letting that happen to Thoma, someone we just got close to.

So Baal makes it personal for us as well.

.

I have a few more minor complaints.

Aoi is stupid for asking for compensation after she tells us everything we needed to know because, ya know, we could have just walked away. We should have.

The whole stupid misunderstanding about the value Kurosawa’s sword holds. Kinda obvious he meant emotional value instead of monetary.

The suspicious amount of visionless NPCs and by that I mean this is the first time we have NPCs with vision. This wouldn’t have been a problem if we’ve seen NPCs with visions in Mond and Liyue.

The whole rebellion camp bit feels incredibly rushed. We just sort of lollygag over there and then there is a fight (against Sara and her stupid shoes).

Don’t make us fight Baal just to force us to lose. It would have been better if we were forced to retreat, because Thoma was injured, because there are too many soldiers for us to handle on our own. Hell, you can have a funny scene where we straight up jump off a cliff with Thoma clinging onto us and screaming bloody murder until he realizes we are slowly gliding away and he’s not about to plummet to his death.

The Sakura cleansing quest should have been voice acted.

The Mirror Maiden and Pyro Agent are totally on a date, I will not be told otherwise.

[thefallennightmare]

Vas Prizrak-Seven

Pairings: Bucky Barnes x Reader. Slight Steve Rogers x Reader

Words: 1518

Warnings: swearing, some smut, fluff, lots of angst.

Summary:  Bucky and Reader’s life in Wakanda had been everything they ever wanted. But when they are told about the fight that was on it’s way to them, they fear that life would be dusted away for good.

A/N: I’m really hoping I can get another chapter out while my kiddo’s take a nap so fingers crossed! 

TAGS: @mggpleasedontlookhere @grey-force-jedi​ @austynparksandpizza​

The ship landed outside of Avenger’s headquarters in New York and as soon as my feet landed on the grass, I was met with a bone crushing hug from Natasha. She pulled away and placed hands on my cheeks, forcing me to look into her eyes. 

She looked tired. 

“You alright?” Natasha asked. 

I nodded. “I’m not going to lie, I’m exhausted.” 

Nat wrapped an arm around my shoulder and started leading me towards the compound, leaving Steve to walk slowly behind us. 

“I’ve got your room setup with some clothes. Take all the time you want, we can catch you up to speed when you’re ready.” 

“Clint tell you about our rendezvous together?” I questioned, the familiar halls bringing a small smile to my face. 

She snorted. “It was nothing compared to our time in Budapest together.” 

Gently pushing her away, I came to a stop in front of my old room and told Natasha that I would be down in the living area soon. We said goodbye with a quick hug and I was alone, staring at the dark, wooden door. I only lived there for a week but it still held so many bad memories of mourning Bucky that I was nervous to step inside. 

After taking a deep breath, I entered the room and couldn’t help the very large smile that spread to my lips at the sight. On the nightstand was a beautiful bouquet of black roses next to an old picture of Bucky and I. My fingers traced over his face before picking up the note. 

Buck mentioned that black roses were your favorite. He also made me promise him that I would look after you if anything did happen to him. I have failed the last five years but I promise that I will make up for it by bringing Bucky back home to you. 

Xx Steve

“You knew I was going to come back with you?” I questioned the body that stood in the doorway behind me. 

I didn’t have to turn around to see that Steve was leaning against the doorway, watching me with intent eyes. 

“I knew that you would do anything to get him back, even if it meant seeing me again,” Steve admitted. 

Finally turning to face him, I gave him a confused look. “Do you think I hate you?” 

Steve shrugged and my heart dropped. 

“I never hated you, Steve. Five years ago when Thanos destroyed the stones, I felt like there was nothing left to live for. My life had no meaning so I took my anger out on the people I loved other than Bucky,” I admitted. 

“You know,” Steve started as we walked into the room and sat on the bed next to me, “I spent the last five years telling people that they have to move on but I can’t find it in myself too.” 

He pulled out a familiar compass from his pocket and once he opened it, I saw an old picture of someone that he never talked about in front of me. 

Peggy Carter. 

I knew about his past with her back in the 40’s and knew that he loved her but I didn’t know that he was still in love with her. 

“From what you told me about her, she seemed like a lovely woman,” I said. 

Steve nodded. “She was. I only wish that I had more time with her. We never got our dance.” 

I placed my hand on his thigh, giving it a loving squeeze. Our eyes locked for a brief moment and feeling the tension between us, I threw a thumb over my shoulder towards my bathroom. 

“Uh, I really should shower before the team meeting.” 

Steve reluctantly nodded and stood from the bed. “I’ll see you downstairs.” 

When I was alone yet again, I forced my tired muscles from the bed and to the shower, hot water calling my name. My suit peeled away like a second skin as I stepped out of it, tossing it to the floor. The bruises and old scars from the last five years shone bright in reflection of the mirror, my eyes refusing to look any longer. I then looked at the ink on my left arm, the tattoo mirroring Bucky’s old arm; the one he had when he was The Winter Soldier. 

You’re starting to look like me with the tattoo and mask. 

The familiar voice brought a soft smile to my face as I worked the shampoo deep into my long hair. The redness of my hair was still bright as the first day my powers changed it back in Romania, me even trying to die it a couple years ago, only having it turn red again the next day. 

I love your rose shampoo. The scent always stained my pillow case. 

“God, I miss you,” I muttered to the voice. 

My tears had mixed with the water from the shower head, unsure how hard I was actually crying until my loud sobs were heard echoing off the tiled walls of the bathroom. For the first time in five years, I allowed myself to mourn Bucky, the sobs racking my body, causing me to fall to my knees in the shower. 

“I need you, Bucky. I don’t think I can handle it if this doesn't work,” I sobbed. 

Dorogaya, don’t mourn me. I’m still here, watching over you. 

“It’s not fair, you should be here with me.” 

I love you, Y/N. 

A soft knock on my room's door caused me to immediately stand, wiping the tears from my face, and turning off the shower. Once the towel was tightly wrapped around myself, I padded barefoot over to the door. 

“Yes?” 

“Are you alright? I heard you crying.” 

Steve. 

Damn his super soldier hearing. 

“I’m fine,” I yelled through the door. “I just need to get dressed then I’ll be down stairs.” 

Once I was dressed, I opened the door and almost ran into the hard chest that still stood in the doorway. 

“Fuck, Steve. You scared me!” I curse, stepping back from him. 

“Are you okay?” He questioned again.

His soft gaze told me that he was truly worried about me so I gave him a reassuring nod. 

“I’m okay now. Want to walk with me?” 

Steve nodded and we started to walk side by side down to the living room of the compound, where everyone was waiting to give me the rundown of the plan. Steve hadn’t mentioned anything about it to me on the way here since I had opted for taking a much needed nap. 

“New tattoo?” Steve motioned to my arm.  

“Uh, yeah. Let’s say that it was a dark time in my life.” I admitted. 

A soft chuckle fell from Steve’s lips and we stepped onto the elevator, riding it down a few floors in a comfortable silence. 

“Wait, say it again. My brain is having some trouble processing what you just said,” I spoke to Scott Lang. 

He sighed. “Basically it’s time travel.”

I scoffed before looking between Steve and Natasha. “This is the big plan? Fucking time travel?” 

“It’s going to work, Y/N,” Nat said. 

 My head shook with doubt as I leaned deeper into the couch, looking around the room at the faces I hadn’t seen in so long. 

Tony had a family now, him and Pepper having a daughter. 

Bruce had decided to live a life as the Hulk and Bruce Banner together. It was weird to look at first but eventually as time went on during the meeting, I got used to it. 

Thor, on the other hand, had looked worse than all of us. He had taken the loss to Thanos harder than some of us, choosing to numb his pain with alcohol and letting himself go. 

Clint sat next to me on the couch and he averted my attention from everyone else to him with a pat on my knee. 

“I’m still pissed at you for telling them where I was,” I semi-joked. 

He gave me a small laugh. “I know it sounds stupid but we have to try. For them.” 

We had become incredibly close in the time we went on our killing spree before we parted ways and considered him a good friend of mine so if he had some hope for this plan, the least I could do was to try. 

“Okay,” I nodded then turned my attention towards Steve. “How do we know it’s going to work?” 

“One of us will go back to a point in time. They’ll only get five minutes before we bring them back.” Steve stated. 

“So a test run?” I asked. 

Scott nodded. “Exactly, a test run. Now we have to decide who.” 

“I’ll do it,” I stood without a second thought. 

Dorogaya, no. 

“Not happening, Y/N.” Steve shook his head. 

I crossed my arms while looking at him, putting all the weight to my left foot. The voice in my head and Steve would not be able to change my decision. 

“Steve, you’ve known me for so long, you really expect to change my mind?” 

He sighed, defeated. 

“Let’s get you suited up then.”

[starrypawz]

!!!! HANDS 🥺 33 aaaaand 37 for Gerry? 🙏♥️

Hand Holding Prompts

(Two fics for the price of one) Gerry and Nemo shennagins with a bonus 'If somehow Nemo met Gertrude' thrown in.

33. bandaging the other’s hand and not quite letting go

Nemo’s hands are warmer than he’s expecting.

(Although he’s not sure why he’s expecting them to be cold).

Tries not to think about that too much, drums the fingers of his other hand against his thigh, tries to focus on a spot on the wall.

37. not realizing they’re holding hands till someone points it out

There’s a cafe.

There’s nothing remarkable about it, it’s the sort of cafe that exists in every town and city across the United Kingdom. There might be slight variations on a theme but they feature white plastic topped tables that never seem to be totally free of lingering coffee stains, and have a chance of being slightly wonky, menus on laminated plastic offering staples of British cuisine, most of which come with a side of chips, chunky white mugs.

bandaging the other’s hand and not quite letting go

Nemo’s hands are warmer than he’s expecting.

(Although he’s not sure why he’s expecting them to be cold).

Tries not to think about that too much, drums the fingers of his other hand against his thigh, tries to focus on a spot on the wall.

Nemo’s gentle, gentler than he’s expecting (But he’s not sure why he’d expect different). Bites his lip at the (overly familiar) sting of antiseptic against skin, swallows down a swear and tries to keep his focus on that spot on the wall.

Nemo’s thumb gently brushes over pale skin, long fingers topped with chipped, black nail polish. They try not to think about how slender his hands are. How they seem intended for much more delicate things than the various marks scattered across his hands hint at. Feels a little sour twist in their stomach if they think too hard about the potential causes as they catch the edge of a faded scar on his palm. Worries their lip as they try to only focus on clearing the blood and grime from his knuckles.

(Tries not to think about how warm his hands are, how small theirs look in comparison to his, how in another life, hopefully a better one these hands would only know soft touches, and how in this one how much they want to be the one to let those hands know some softness)

Gerry blinks, eyes drift from that spot on the wall, closes his eyes for a second. Fatigue gnaws at him, the circles under his eyes (the ones under the smudgy black eyeliner that he’s forgotten when exactly it went on but he knows is overdue for removal) will be even darker come tomorrow. He tries to focus back on the wall but fails, eyes drifting towards something more interesting.

Which means he’s now looking at Nemo, paying way too much attention to how they catch their lip and the concerned furrow of their brow as they work on his injured hand. And he starts getting stupid, sleepy thoughts involving his other hand (which is desperate for something to occupy itself) reaching out and tucking the lock of black, curly hair that’s fallen in front of their face behind their ear, let his fingertips just brush the shell of their ear, wonder for a brief, dumb moment just what would happen if they let their fingers brush the spot just under their ear, wonders if Nemo would tilt their head and let him continue his way down their neck, would they squirm if he reached the juncture between neck and shoulder?

“Looks worse than it is,” Nemo’s voice cuts through the late night silence between them just as his thoughts are wondering silly, sleepy things about how the buzzed side of their hair would feel under his fingertips but he barely registers it. He does register the reassuring, gentle squeeze that follows.

He settles for gripping the edge of the table for now. Watches as Nemo opens up an adhesive dressing and places it over his hand, tries not to think too much about the press of their thumbs as they ensure it stays in place. Thinks instead about the small mercy of them finding a Boots with a Midnight Pharmacy where the sudden appearance of two slightly battered Goths at an ungodly hour didn’t raise any eyebrows. And more importantly didn’t lead to any concerned calls towards police, ambulances or any number of other organisations that would’ve been overly concerned and asked too many questions.

He loses the touch of Nemo’s hands for a brief moment and it affects him more than he cares to admit. Watches as they carefully unwind the roll of gauze and then despite his best efforts feels himself jump as their thumb presses that sensitive, meaty part of his palm just next to his thumb.

Nemo stops suddenly, doesn’t let go, eyebrows raised in silent concern and he gives a nod of reassurance and tries not to start thinking stupid thoughts about stormy grey eyes as they get back to wrapping his hand. Nemo gently manipulating his wrist to get into the correct position.

“All done,” Nemo’s voice barely registering again.

Gerry looks down at his bandaged hand, turns it this way and that. By this point he’s far too familiar with how professional wound care looks.

“You’re… good at this,” Gerry breaks the silence, just barely. As if there’s some holiness associated with this shade of silence that comes with being awake at an ungodly hour and to interrupt it is blasphemy.

Nemo’s still holding his hand, thumbs barely brushing a chipped, black nail polish covered nail, looks up and those stormy grey eyes meet his pale blue.

Nemo clears their throat, looks at him and then away briefly as if embarrassed before looking back.

“I… there was a point I wanted to be a nurse-”

not realizing they’re holding hands till someone points it out

There’s a cafe.

There’s nothing remarkable about it, it’s the sort of cafe that exists in every town and city across the United Kingdom. There might be slight variations on a theme but they feature white plastic topped tables that never seem to be totally free of lingering coffee stains, and have a chance of being slightly wonky, menus on laminated plastic offering staples of British cuisine, most of which come with a side of chips, chunky white mugs.

Sort of place that typically attracts ‘salt of the earth’ labourer types, school kids playing it loose with what time they actually arrive at school, overly nosy gaggles of ‘bubbly’ women, young mothers with prams catching up with other mothers. Sort of place run by a solid, sensible sort of person, broad smiling and prone to calling people ‘Love’.

And the ever present scent of fried food that depending on circumstances is either enticing or nauseating. And as Gerry realises today unfortunately it’s leaning more towards the nauseating. (Seems he’s not quite shaken that last brush with The Corruption)

Utterly unremarkable, which probably makes the presence of an elderly British woman and two Goths stand out like a sore thumb.

He does wonder what people see if they look over at the table, he’s had enough moments where people have assumed Gertrude his is mother and even a few times assumed grandmother (Which Gertrude seems less impressed by when that happens) and even a few where the pair of them have played into that assumption.

Do they see a prim and proper British mother with her Goth son and what he knows people will assume is partner? Maybe if this was a more upmarket cafe people would wonder if it was a meeting between a University Professor and two of their postgraduate students.

Either way, in a fairly unremarkable cafe sits an elderly British woman and two goths with two cups of tea (Gertrude’s a step or two down from builder’s tea with one sugar, Nemo’s an altogether milkier and sweeter affair and Gerry’s a coffee, black as humanely possible).

Gerry takes a sip of his coffee, prays it will do something for the nausea.

On the surface, the meeting has been polite enough. Gertrude hasn’t come over as across as anything other than a polite well to do academic and Nemo has been ‘polite but closed off’. But Gerry is far too used to reading situations for potential conflict and can pick up on the tension that’s not unlike two unfamiliar cats meeting in an alley who are deciding if they’re going to fight.

And it’s making his already grumbling stomach complain even more.

He takes another sip of coffee, a little too much in one go, too warm, too bitter all at once and manages not to splutter as he swallows it down.

He’s suddenly aware of that creeping ‘eyes on the back of his neck’ sensation that has Gertrude’s own particular signature to it. Not so much ‘overly nosy gossip’ like the group of women clustered around a table in the corner who are talking and downright cackling way too loudly for this time in the morning. It’s more in the vein of ‘stern schoolteacher who just caught you passing notes in the back of the class’ (not that he really knows what that feels like).

He doesn’t say anything but looks up from his coffee, Gertrude is writing some notes, looks up for a moment and Gerry meets her eyes with a look that with a dose of adolescent petulance he’s far too old for says an indignant ‘What?’

Gertrude says nothing but her expression changes to a slightly too smug knowing smile. One that somehow comes across a little too soft, even maternal.

And that’s when Gerry realises Nemo’s hand has sought his out under the table, he can feel the brush of fishnet gloves against his palms, lithe fingers wound carefully with his. He can also feel the tension that’s running from Nemo’s shoulder and pressing against his hand as they squeeze. Any harder and he’s sure Nemo will start vibrating.

Shit

He tries to relax, allows his thoughts to unwind a little, tries to channel his own tension down through his body and through his toes into the floor and it almost works. He feels Nemo’s tension lessen a little and breathes a silent sigh of relief.

He maintains eye contact with Gertrude the whole time, it’s only a brief few seconds but it feels like an age. He can’t quite read her expression, amusement? It seems like she’s vaguely amused. Approval? No he wouldn’t go that far.

Fuck…

Oh Fuck

She thinks… oh shit no she thinks this is adorable

Fuuuuuck

He realises Nemo’s wrapped their foot around the back of his calf, more grounding, For them? For Him? Both he’s not sure. Either way it does lessen the sensation of wanting to sink through the cafe floor.

Despite his best efforts his cheeks flush red. Gives Nemo’s hand a reassuring squeeze. Gertrude breaks their eye contact going back to asking Nemo another question seemingly innocent to any curious bystander but actually hinting at something much deeper.

[repentantsky]

5 People Who Should Not Be in The Gaming industry

Our choice of entertainment, when we choose video games has nearly endless potential, with works that are inspiring from varying genre’s, to varying resources, and many people who work on these games are as inspiring as they are instrumental to the industry’s continued growth and success, these 5 people, here are none of these things, and are nothing short of a detriment to it. Whether it’s because they broke the law, multiple times, clearly don’t care about the people who work under them, or are simply unable to tell their fans the truth, here are 5 people, who simply should not be here. Be warned, I may trigger you one way or the other depending on where you stand, and I’m not sorry about it if you want to defend these losers. Oh and, one final note, my lists aren’t usually ranked by how important an entry is, or in this case, how messed up they are, but rather by how much I want to talk about them, so do keep that in mind. 

5. David Cage. 

David might be the least unworthy person on this list, depending on how you look at it, (I think he’s one of the worst people here, but you do you) but he’s also possibly the biggest A-hole. Running the company Quantic Dream, most regarded for their game Detroit: Become Human, the company, Cage, and another key member have been under investigation for years, for mistreating their employees, and violating contracts. Most famously with Elliot Page, back before when he was known as Ellen Page, as the game Beyond: Two Souls, did have a fully nude model that for a time could be hacked to be visible in the game, which was a violation of the contract Elliot had signed at that time. Other accusations include, bullying, anti-woman rights shown in the work place, and harassment of employees, namely of the female variety. This isn’t mere speculation either, as Quantic Dream did a few years back, lose a case against a former employee in court, and if one thing most people have learned about abuse or mistreatment of others these days, is that if there’s one case, there’s probably more. While things have been quiet on this front in light of COVID-19, the investigation, is still on-going. 

4. Randy Pitchford. 

The laundry list of offenses this man has committed should have seen him end up in jail, but money talks, and he settled his crimes out of court. What crimes did he commit you ask? Let me see if I can remember everything. He, supposedly had child pornography on a flash drive, for which he was acquitted, with that never being shown in a way that can be confirmed or denied, he refused to work with Troy Baker on Borderlands 3 who played Rhys in Tales from the Borderlands, because Troy has joined the closest thing to a union within voice acting, which meant Pitchford would have had to follow certain guidelines, that he wasn’t willing to, he stole 12 million dollars meant to be bonuses for employees of Take Two after completing Borderlands 2, and the opening funds for Borderlands 3, which he seemingly used to pay off his court case, he assaulted Claptrap’s original VA when they were still working together, and refused to bring him back in Borderlands 3 because he wouldn’t do the voice for free after leaving like he had before, he refused to pay a musician for work done on Duke Nukem Forever, and while not nearly as heinous as the rest of these, refuses to acknowledge that any criticism against Alien: Colonel Marines is legitimate. So yeah, complete A-whole. Kind of makes you wonder how people like this stay in the industry, instead of in jail where they belong.

3. Todd Howard.

Todd Howard, is to put it lightly, a habitual liar, and often tries to play up his good guy persona while lying through his teeth. Fallout 76 is a key example of how he can lie, as just about everything he said about the game when it was announced, was untrue, though he’s used to that as he also lied about Skyrim, Fallout 4, Elder Scrolls Blades, Elder Scrolls online, seemingly favoring single player games while 76 was still not known to the public, the list goes on. Todd Howard, for as bad as his voice is for it, is basically the hype man for everything major Bethesda does, and usually seems to be in charge for finding a fall guy when his lies don’t come to fruition. It’s not really shocking per-say that he lies, but man, it would be nice if he could just tell the truth, if anyone could believe anything he says. Never, have I heard so many untrue things said about a game from one man, and yet, you literally have to question everything that comes out of his mouth, and assume all of it is overplayed nonsense, because Bethesda seemingly pays him to try and make us believe that he can say anything of factual value. But alas, he can’t, he even lied about the paid mods controversies Bethesda tried to pull, both times they did it, and nothing came of it. Someone who cannot seem to tell the truth, should not be in this industry.   

2.  Marcin Iwinski. 

This may not be a name instantly recognizable to many, but Marcin is co-founder of CD Projekt Red, and is it’s most prolific liar. Unlike other CEO’s who have people below them spread lies so fans go after them instead of the guy at the top, Marcin has been Cyberpunk 2077′s voice in a manner of speaking, as he was the one told all of us the lies surrounding the game. He tells people what to say about the game, so he’s responsible for the lies made to retailers, fans, and of course Sony and Microsoft, and he even tried to get ahead of a piece written by Jason Schreier, with a non-apology that was actually more damage control for the horrible release of Cyberpunk 2077. While he’s by no means the only person who has committed these sorts of acts in this industry, his recent example of what a CEO will do to save face for his company, regardless of much BS there is within, makes him a prime target for fans to show those who run massive game companies, that lying to people for years, be it about how a game is running, or how it’s being made, shout out to all those people he said weren’t crunching, and then trying to downplay it when we found out, is not okay. Letting people like that go, only incites more to do the same. 

1. Andrew Wilson. 

Yet another name you might not know off the top of your head, Andrew Wilson is the CEO of EA, a company that is so corrupt under his watch, that they tried to break Belgium gambling laws because they just...thought they were above it? I don’t know the whole story there, but I do know that EA, under his run as CEO, clearly thinks it can do anything it wants, and feels like they can lie about whatever they choose, regardless of how poorly it reflects on the industry, or how it hurts smaller developers just trying to turn their passion into a career. Killing off beloved studios like Visceral games, Black Box Studios, Origin, and Playfish to name just a few, EA has become the killer of studios, and every time Andrew Wilson’s face is on screen, smart people began to worry. Mr. Surprise Mechanics himself may not have committed any crimes that we know of (aside from again, breaking Belgium law because he thought he could get away with it), nor has he lied his way to success in the public, but killing off studios loved by all in order to force everyone under his employ to mainly focus on games as a service, a move that is more harmful than good in the industry, is cause enough for him to be forced out. 

And that’s my list, what did you think? It’s not often someone actually calls people out in this industry, and I honestly think more people need to do it so there’s some of that. Let me know if you can think of anyone else who deserves being a swift kick out the door, reblog this if it interested you, and feel free to leave a note. 

[yellingaboutmasseffect]

I posted 3,409 times in 2021

223 posts created (7%)

3186 posts reblogged (93%)

For every post I created, I reblogged 14.3 posts.

I added 1,816 tags in 2021

#mass effect - 924 posts

#shepard - 292 posts

#garrus vakarian - 200 posts

#dextro shepping - 94 posts

#thane krios - 60 posts

#ashley williams - 55 posts

#tali’zorah vas normandy - 54 posts

#shakarian - 50 posts

#mass effect fanfiction - 45 posts

#saren arterius - 42 posts

Longest Tag: 140 characters

#like you spoil us with how many characters you did and the three in motion you did of tali shepard and garrus but also progression for saren

My Top Posts in 2021

#5

I’m writing some of my Shepard never joined the Alliance AU where Shepard is a backwoods Canadian guide who finds Spectre Garrus after his ship is shot down over the Canadian wilderness during his investigation into Saren.

Y’all are enablers. @ferusaurelius shut-up-alexa and @howbatmanwasthat

-

“You’re going to want to turn around slowly or you’re in for a fright.”

Garrus’s hand went to his pistol as he processed the voice. It was flat but didn’t carry any angry tones, sounding more like they were trying to offer advice. Keeping his hand on his pistol, he slowly turned.

He was met by a long face of a large creature that made a huffing noise as they locked eyes. The human woman on its back leaned forward and patted the animal’s neck.

“It’s ok, Boo. You’ve seen Turians before,” she said and the animal shook its head, sending its mane of hair flying around its head before it relaxed.

The woman leaned back where she was sitting and Garrus was able to take her in. She was dressed in a manner he’d only seen on human movie posters on the Citadel.

Was the term “Cow People”? Garrus couldn’t remember but his understanding was that it was an old fashioned style of dress. The very modern looking bow she had at her side barred any time travel and Garrus mentally kicked himself for even entertaining the possibility.

The woman thumbed at the brim of her well worn leather hat, drawing Garrus’s attention to her face. Her eyes and skin were a warm brown with a distinctive old scar that went through her left eyebrow and over her nose that Garrus couldn’t help but notice seemed deliberately carved. Her black fringe was long and braided to one side, trailing over the front of her leather jacket.

“Looks like you’re in need of some assistance.”

58 notes • Posted 2021-10-06 19:48:59 GMT

#4

Y’all ready for some Garrus Vakarian over analysis?

Sure you are!

So a scene I always loved is that, if you bring Garrus with you during the Citadel Coup in ME3, he calls out the names of two C-Sec officers once you hit the C-Sec offices. Reasons that this is great characterization, the first one, most likely, being intentional and the second one being wild conjecture that is still so painfully in character that I can’t believe they stumbled into it (I mean I can though because I think they stumbled into a lot of great things on accident).

1) Garrus calling out for these two people in C-Sec is tactically unwise but he does it anyway. When called it by the other squadmates he says the gunfire from them fighting through already gave their position away. This is very much in line with his characterization as someone who cares very deeply, especially for people who he gets close to, and willing to put himself on the line for them.

This alone would make this a great character moment but we’re going into why I’ve thought about this moment a lot.

2) The two names that Garrus calls out are distinctly human: Ridgefield and Lamont. It’s very possible those names were chosen without a thought behind what choosing those names mean but let’s overanalyze anyway!

When Garrus was most active in C-Sec, humans were a rarity in the organization until Sovereign’s attack decimated C-Sec’s ranks. In ME1, you only see Harkin, who was just fired, and one human C-Sec officer who reinforces that they’re not that common in the force. So Garrus having two people in C-Sec that he calls out for is interesting because it’s more likely he would have made Turian, Asari, or Salarian friends.

However, we know Garrus was dissatisfied with C-Sec and vocal when he disagreed with the direction of his superiors. It’s likely that Garrus probably was not the most popular person or even seen as someone who it wasn’t advantageous to be friends with.

Someone else who might not be advantageous to be friends with? The human C-Sec officers who were a relatively new species to the force and had Harkin precede them as an example of what a human officer was like.

I believe that Garrus being friends with two human officers makes a lot of sense since they were also outsiders in their own way just in a different way than he was. They probably were less likely to compare him to his dad which I am sure was only a bonus.

Like I said, point two is most likely unintentional but it makes so much sense and I choose to interpret it this way.

64 notes • Posted 2021-09-30 20:17:32 GMT

#3

Mass Effect 1 AU where, whenever Garrus says something terrible, Shepard uses a water bottle to spray him.

387 notes • Posted 2021-11-08 01:58:48 GMT

#2

Hey, something I haven’t seen in Nihlus lives AUs have is the fact that Samara and Nihlus fought against each other as she hunted him across a planet. Please consider ME2 squad mate Nihlus and Oath bound Samara just

411 notes • Posted 2021-08-21 17:51:31 GMT

#1

1172 notes • Posted 2021-08-15 17:32:04 GMT

Get your Tumblr 2021 Year in Review →

[felassan]

Highlights and insights from the N7 Day cast & crew reunion panel

[Rewatch link]

In case a text format is better for anyone. There are some NSFW references. Cut for length.

(Some paraphrasing.)

“Some of us are inebriated”

“Patrick Weekes, the killer of man and beasts, the breaker of hearts”

JHale put the whole thing together, it’s the biggest ME cast reunion to date

The cast had no idea that the remaster was a thing

Lots of ace discussion about what the magic of the MET is (“it captured lightning in a bottle”)

Lots of warm fuzzies between the cast, crew and community, and lots of fun behind-the-scenes anecdotes

Lots of great discussion on the diversity and inclusion in ME: on gender, sexuality, representation, empowerment, the core message in the MET that “we’re all in this together or we’re screwed”, the progress made in the portrayal of female characters in gaming, etc. “Everything behind what went into these characters was authentic, we [the VAs] could tell that so much research, texture, authenticity etc had gone into them. It really made a difference”. JHale: “I’ve spent my career kicking down ceilings [barriers and so on women actors experience] with my steel-toed boot. To get to be a part of this game that has now created the expectation that there now be a female PC, ‘duh’, is once of the great things of my life. BioWare listened and put her on the box. The first time someone dropped the box in front of me I held it over my head and screamed over the crowd, ‘Casey Hudson, thank youuu!!’ It was a divine moment. This game was the moment the boot finally crashed through the glass, pushed by millions of women.”

The panel received many messages from the question submission from fans expressing that MET really helped them through very dark places and periods in their lives. The cast have had a lot of interactions with fans over the years where the fans expressed similar sentiments to them

ME was one of the first games Keythe Farley (Thane) acted for that had branching dialogue/dialogue choices, and when he saw the script with that when he went in, he was like “wow”. ME was the second big game D. C. Douglas (Legion) ever did. In his first audition he didn’t know it was for a robot-type character as it was disguised as something else with a military-feel. The second time it was to do a speech/lament at someone’s funeral and he knew it was for a robot. He said playing Legion for him was a case of “wake up, drink some coffee and go to work”

Jack was really special to her VA Courtenay Taylor because she relates to her so much and had a lot of similar emotional problems and personal troubles in her past. Jack helped her become who she has became. The host added that in his interactions with Courtenay over the years, he realized very quickly that she is very much like Jack

AWR has two moms, something which she hasn’t talked about/expressly said publicly before. Talking about recording lines between Sam and Femshep made her tear up. She said that being raised by two moms in the 80s was tough due to societal attitudes at the time, and so to see a loving relationship between two women depicted in a game was a big deal for her. When recording the white picket fence conversation, she was actually crying (“and then I’m crying because of the lesbians”). It was a huge moment for her to represent her moms’ journey. When she went home she told them all about how her character is gay and wants a white picket fence and everything “just like we had”.

When PW was working on Sam’s arc, one of the things they did was show it to one of their colleagues, who is a lesbian, asking what things she’d like to see in an arc like that and what things she felt were missing from it. The white picket fence conversation came from the colleague’s feedback (“we wanna see the nice, healthy, happy domestic stuff”, as it’s often missing in portrayals of wlw relationships)

As the VAs got more into their characters, they sometimes had feedback and input to the process to offer, like “I don’t think she’d say [this] like [that]”. Sometimes they knew their characters even better than the crew did sometimes. JHale waxed lyrical about Caroline Livingstone’s awesome direction, with the host adding that he has interviewed a lot of the VAs over the years and they all talk about Caroline like she’s Gandalf the White coming to the rescue in LotR. AWR expressed that Caroline is really funny (“don’t worry it’s not you, PW was sick when they wrote this line that’s why”) and emotionally in-tune with them and this makes long hard sessions with her a joy

When Mark went into record for the Citadel DLC one day he asked Caroline “wouldn’t be great if Shepard’s clone had been made to be the opposite gender? Then the two Shepards could fight each other!”

William Salyers (Mordin) likes the way Mordin’s story ended and felt that it was wonderful to be able to play that. He feels like the luckiest person because as he wasn’t the original VA of Mordin, he got to come in late to something that was amazing. “Caroline helped me get to where I needed to be emotionally to play that final scene. It was one of the most moving things I’ve ever gotten to do personally for a piece of interactive art”. PW related that with Mordin’s writing, they didn’t realize how much they were asking for. They thought William was amazing doing all the science-speak/technobabble, as they themselves didn’t know what it meant, and then suddenly having to deliver emotional heartbreaking lines. William’s always been a secret science nerd and so he loved that fact about Mordin. “It was a real treat to say your words”

Karin: “I always claim credit for the Scientist Salarian song even though I had nothing to do with it. I opened that door for PW”

Steve Blum (Grunt) found it a real treat playing Grunt as Grunt is a tough soldier on the outside but a [babey] on the inside, while he is more the other way around (softer on the outside, fight-y inside). He isn’t a gamer and so didn’t know what to expect or what he was getting into. There was the big pile of words, they showed him the picture of Grunt, and he just ran with it. “Grunt was kind of a perfect character for me in that respect”. Side note: his wry comments throughout the panel were hilarious

“Casey Hudson, our glorious loving overlord”

Courtenay jokes about “interspecies snorkeling”

The women Courtenay met working on this game are her friends for life. Ali Hillis (Liara) gave her her number the night of the ME3 drop and was like “let’s hang out!!” “JHale is the shit. I go to England and there’s AWR and I have this friend for life”.

“We’re a family”. The host comments that you don’t see this kind of closeness between the people on a lot of projects

Kimberley Brooks (Ashley) thinks things have and are changing for the better in terms of roles for women, and roles for brown and black women. This year she has noticed increasing awareness of inclusion and of where it’s lacking. “The copies I’m being sent for auditions, it’s drastically changing, I’m seeing it change before my eyes. It’s really exciting, there’s more and more roles for me.” “Ash is such a strong character and I felt very badass playing her, it was life-changing”. She’s excited that the remaster is going to be a new way to see these characters that they’ve been so lucky to voice. Kimberley/Ash was the first female character Karin saw in the studio, when she saw her she was like “Wow, she’s so kickass and inspiring”. At this point Karin hadn’t been working at BioWare for all that long, and she wanted to thank Kimberley, because she saw her and heard her voice and had a personal ‘this changes everything’ moment

Raphael Sbarge (Kaidan) finds it very moving how many women were encouraged into gaming due to ME

Raphael: “Everyone here has awesome varied careers, but because ME was so collaborative [and so on], [it was something really rare and special]. Nothing else I’ve done has been so important or impassioned, it has almost a religious experience to it, which you can see from tears in fans’ eyes and tattoos and people talking about it 10 years later”. “I’m so grateful for it.” “Clearly we’re going to do this again next year! :D” D. C. added that it’s going to follow him for the rest of his career. Courtenay says it has catapulted her career

PW talked about how it’s great that the female chars in ME were allowed to have real, realistic flaws and dark periods (as opposed to nonsense stuff like ‘her flaw is that she’s clumsy’)

Having the male and female PC be voiced was a big, expensive commitment for the studio. Karin commented that at the time, it was a risk that the pretty-much almost entirely-male leadership of BioWare at the time decided was important to take, and so she was happy that these were the values her colleagues had

PW was “the junior baby writer on ME1. I’d just gotten to the studio and Mac Walters fell down a flight of stairs and hurt his back, and they pulled me in while he was healing”. Karin: “Mac was very understanding when PW fell on the ice and hurt themselves during ME2.” PW: “My job in ME1 was to come up with conversations between followers to pass the time in the elevator loading times. I was throwing stuff at the wall to see what would stick”

Steve turning his volume down before he shouts classic Grunt quotes down the mic

Caroline: “Do you know how many tears were shed in the booth? How many times have we all cried in the booth...” JHale: “We were recording the end of ME3, which I never call the end, because I’m always like I’M HERE! [wink] The goodbye Garrus lines” - these lines got right under her skin and when she went to say her lines she couldn’t speak because she’d burst into tears. “It was all I could do to say those words... and then there was silence... [and Caroline had gotten choked up too].” This was one of the last sessions they did. PW: “John Dombrow wrote Garrus in ME3 and I’m gonna tell him that he got you both to break.”

Caroline was also really teary during Keith David’s (Anderson)’s performance where he tells Shepard she’s like his daughter. This moment was one of JHale’s favorites to act

BioWare came up with a proprietary VA recording system which JHale describes as a secret sauce as-yet not widely-used in the industry

Lots of fun in the line-reading portion at the end. The lines/scenes were sent in by fans. This starts around timestamp 1 hour 50 mins. There’s a break where they discuss more anecdotes after a bit then some line-reading resumes at 1 hour 59 mins 18 secs

"Salarian Vorcha Conrad Verner simmering sexual tension scene”

One of PW’s fondest memories is of ME3 when JHale and Mark got to play off each other (which they naturally didn’t get to do very much), when PW had shoved the entire script of the Blasto movie into random ambience throughout the Citadel. They knew Mark was going to be Blasto as he voiced most of the hanar. PW: “We had to have Blasto’s elcor partner’s hot sister... And I was like could it be JHale?? Because they hardly ever get to talk to each other. It was one of my proudest moments”. Mark: “Not only that, we had a romance.” JHale: “Yeah, it was hot”.

“Think of the poor cold freezing Edmontonian hanar”

PW’s story about Sam’s toothbrush: They wrote it as a throwaway line but AWR did it so well that PW wanted to bring it back in the Citadel DLC, as that DLC was the action-comedy one. So they decided the toothbrush was going to save the Normandy. The art director at the time was in an early playthrough of the scene and in that version of the scene Sam held up her empty hand. The director was like “We gotta make the toothbrush? Really? It’s gonna be thousands of dollars to render the toothbrush.” It then got to the next few lines and the director deadpanned at PW “Okay that’s pretty good, we’ll make the toothbrush.” PW: “Good, I got my toothbrush.”

It was John’s idea that we find out that Mordin had been working on a crime noir novel. There was a period in the development of the Citadel DLC where PW was feeling like “Mordin’s gone, he had his big moment, I want to respect and honor that” and the entire team were like “I think Mordin needs a couple more songs dude”. “Well alright!” By that point William had shown them he could deliver literally any line

“Oh I need a shower that was so steamy hot”

PW got in trouble with Localization over Jack’s “Save some of your energy, we’re gonna do it on the pool table” exchange. Localization were like “Um could you explain what Jack means by this??” These lines were PW’s, Karin as an editor got the question about it and passed it on to PW like “nope this is your fault”. “The best part is it was France that needed PW to explain the joke while apparently Germany were like ‘Yes please confirm that this is regarding the possibility of oral sex-’”

Keythe on voicing Thane: “Thane was a real lesson in opening up to the character, allowing this beautifully conflicted character to exist. Each character in the MET has conflicts within themselves and a tragic flaw that is revealed through the course of conflict.” He also waxed lyrical about how the MET was akin to Star Wars and Citizen Kane, and about the interconnectedness and representation in it

D. C.: “I have a question for you guys. Was it a conscious decision to not have Legion as a romance? Because there are a lot of upset people out there!!” “Voltage problems.” “A lot of creative reuses of ‘There was a hole.’” PW: “It was a process of us figuring out what we wanted to do. If we had known... The number of people who were like ‘I don’t know, are people gonna wanna romance Garrus? Liara? She’s blue and has no hair. Are people gonna be okay with that?” Karin: “We were young and naïve, now we know BioWare fans are thirsty.”

Derek brought in the first picture of Thane to show Caroline and she was like “He’s really hot, that’s gonna be a killer character. People are gonna want to romance that gentleman”

Raphael asked the BioWare team if there’s ever been a point where they thought about doing more DLC content or some kind of revival. “Has that ever come up?” “We’re legally obligated not to say, sorry, we’re going through a tunnel right now, bad reception!!”

D. C.: “Does this country have a soul?” “It does.”

“An N7 Day to remember! Go forth and heal.”

[umbrahighpriestofgiratina]

Divided I Fall

IT'S FINALLY DONE! I am so sorry this took so fucking long, it took me like a year to write because my art brain forcibly took over my body for a stupid amount of time but now it is DONE and you can SEE it with your EYEBALLS. Anyway... This, This is a project I have been planning for YEARS but took some stuff lining up just right for it to sift to the top of my oneshot backlog. It is, to keep it simple and not spoil too much, an origin story for a character that's shown up in my stuff before.

As one important note before I begin... This fic stars a character of a fakemon species known as Vahirom, created by @kynimdraws on Tumblr/kyleenim on Twitter, used with permission. If you steal it I will be offended on her behalf and personally boil your toes. Got it?

ANYWAY:

Divided I Fall

Zygarde had a dilemma.

Unova had too many humans and they had it too good. But there was nothing they could do to thwart them without letting the other Legends in on his game. What to do?

As they stewed on this, lurking on the edge of civilization, they looked up, and there they saw it.

A meteor, careening down toward the nearby hills. It crashed, sending out sparks of light and a shockwave, which Zygarde weathered easily. They were a god, after all.

"Lots of those since AZ broke the sky," they muttered.

They slithered through the earth until they got to the impact crater, emerging in its center to find, surprise surprise, a meteor. However, it was one they could tell was a Metionite, a kind made of an extremely rare, alien ore.

It was then they got an idea.

An awful idea.

Zygarde got a wonderful, awful idea.

They started burrowing their own cells into the Metionite, pumping it full of energy. Godly energy. Draconic energy. The Meteonite contracted and curved until it turned into a small gray orb.

Zygarde tapped it.

And it burst to life.

--------

What am I?

What is this place?

Those were my first thoughts as I gazed around, wide-eyed, until my eyes fell on a strange green and black titan.

"Who are you? Who am I?"

"I am Zygarde, the guardian of order, and you are my creation!" the titan said in a booming voice.

"You created me?"

"Yes! For one purpose!"

The titan pointred a claw to the southwest. "There's an infestation of these pests called humans around thataway. Deal with them for me."

I looked in that direction. Seemed simple enough.... But something didn't feel right.

"...Very well."

Tubes extended from my shoulders and attached to my tail as my wings flared. I took off.

-------

I arrived to find strange structures,domes, blocks and pyramids, and walking among them strange creatures. Were these the humans Zygarde mentioned? "Deal with them." What did that even mean?

I got closer and as I did they started acting strangely. They seemed... Afraid?

"You creatures! What are you?"

They were making loud screams now. They didn't seem less afraid. Maybe they couldn't understand me? How DO I talk to them then? Come on, think think think-

~-Think!~

Thehumans stopped, gazed up. I had communicated by... Thinking really hard?

~Uh... Humans! I mean you no harm! I just wish to... Deal with you!~

The humans started murmuring among each other before a more elaborate-looking human came forth.

"You, great dragon! What do you propose as a deal?"

Oh, I can understand THEM fine. But good question...

~Let me think.~

What do I even tell this person? I guess... If they were afraid of me, they had other things to be afraid of. That wasn't good. Maybe...

"If you give me shelter and a home, I will aid you however I can. Is that a satisfactory deal?"

The elaborate human slowly blinked several times slowly before rapidly nodding.

":We will accept your offer... B=but my warriors will keep an eye on you."

I looked to the "warrior" humans he spoke of. They were trembling. Everyone was looking at me with unease,

This would take some adjusting.

-------------

I was in my own corner of the city, surrounded by more of these warriors. They were taking shifts watching me, but they all seemed scared. Almost as if they felt if I tried anything they couldn't stop me.

I didn't feel like doing anything that needed stopping... but then I wasn't sure WHAT to do. I had made the deal with the humans but I wasn't sure how to enact i-

Just then I heard a roar, in the distance. The warriors looked to me, then to the source of the sound. They seemed confused that it wasn't me. Soon another warrior rushed up to them.

"T-there's a Scolipede trying to take over the farmland!"

"O-one of those? Why?"

"They're immensely territorial! It claimed the farms as its own!"

What was this beast? The humans needed help. But they wouldn't let me help...

...Then again they couldn't stop me.

I activated my tail turbine and lifted off as the warriors panicked, and I jetted off to where the other warrior had came from.

---------

When I arrived there was indeed a large, purple, insectoid Pokémon rampaging about. Several warriors and their Pokémon were trying to pierce its chitinous armor, to no avail. It was much bigger than the humans, that's for sure.

...But it was much smaller than me.

I flew ove4r to and landed right in front of it. It looked up but seemed unphased.

"What do YOU want?"

"I want you to stop bothering these humans."

"Why should I? This is MY turf." "No it's not. As far as I can tell the humans were here first." "Well it's mine now."

I narrowed my eyes. "Leave. Now."

The Scolipede scoffed. "Make me."

"If you insist."

I flicked him with a claw.

He went sailing back into a tree with a very loud thud and collapsed, unconscious.

Humans started gathering around, looking on in awe. Then they started cheering. It was only then I realized the magnitude of what I'd done.

-------------

Things changed after that rather quickly. Or, they did from my perspective anyway.

The humans, after that, regarded me as a protector. Not only that, they gave me authority. It wasn't much at first, I started as captain of the warrior, but as time went on and I helped the humans more and more I ascended to the right-hand mon of their rulers.

They called me Vahirom, or more commonly, the Iron Arbiter.

They adored me. And I grew to adore them. They cared for me and I cared for them back. And after time things changed. I learned how to alter my form to be like them.

It started simply, firsty with mimicking their speech, but then I started to learn how to alter my physical form, this way and that way, until I had come to resemble them in my own way. It was at that point the Iron Arbiter was both a dragon Pokémon and a human.

And someone didn't like that at all.

One day they returned, while I was alone, sitting on the throne the humans built for me. I looked up into their glowing green eyes as they glared down into mine.

"What is THIS? This isn't what you were supposed to be doing! And why do you LOOK like them?" They stomped a foot on the ground.

I sighed. "It is less intimidating to them than my natural draconic form. And why do YOU look like them? Don't you have forms that are oh so superior?" They winced, and in an instant cells swirled around them to return them to a more traditional serpentine form. "Only to subvert them, manipulate them. You do it for sick kicks! You were supposed to DESTROY them, not help them!"

"There is no need to destroy them. They are flawed yes, but have kindness and charity in their hearts if you know where to find it. I seek to bring that out in them. "You're wrong! All humans are a sin against the natural order! MY order! They need to be purged!"

"Your view is dangerous. And I will not have you threaten my people."

I grew and stretched and bent into my true, draconic form.

"You may have given me life, but I am not yours. They are not yours. Leave, or I will force you to."

Zygarde hesitated, then let out a long, pronounced hisss before disintegrating into cells and vanishing.

I sighed again, then resumed my post.

-----------

Decades passed, that turned into centuries. I saw many humans and their Pokémon come and go, and cherished them all dearly while they lasted.

But then one day two were born that would change my life forever, for better and for worse.

They were twins, born to the current queen and king. They were shown to me soon after they were born. They were lumpy and chubby as human babies were but they had fire and lightning in their eyes from the start.

And thus their parents named them Tentay and Pethakhon, Ancient Unova's words for fire and lightning. As usual, I was assigned to be their guardian. I did not realize then how special they would be to me - and how that would be my downfall.

-------------

The children grew quickly. Their tiny grasping hands grew inquisitive, groping for anything they could reach. At first, I let them pull and tug at my human form, but as they grew older and nimbler I allowed them to play on my dragon form as well.

Eventually they started to talk.

"Say mama!" "Say dada!" their parents clamored. But every time they both pointed at me and said "va va!"

They didn't care. They just laughed.

When they got old enough to learn, I was their teacher. I taught them.... Well, not everything I knew, I was too ancient and powerful for that, but I tried to teach them a good amount. And I definitely tried to answer their many questions.

"How old are you?" asked Tentay. "Older than you can comprehend."

"What's your favorite food?" asked Pethakhon.

"I do love corn cakes."

"Do your parents let you stay up past bedtime?" asked Tentay.

I had to pause and think about that one. My only "parents" were Zygarde and the stars, so...

"I don't listen to my parents. I do what I want."

The twins gasped and looked at each other eagerly. "You can DO that?" they said. I chuckled. "I can. You probably shouldn't until you get older."

The two visibly deflated.

"Not fair..." said Pethakhon.

"I guess we have to listen..." said Tentay.

"No way! We can't!" said Pethakhon. "But we gotta! Or we'll get in trouble!"

"Nuh-uh! We can do it!

I chuckled. By all means this was amusing.

And yet. Something deep inside felt off.

------------

It came suddenly, swiftly.

The king and queen fell ill, from a terrible disease. They were isolated, only taken care of by a select few.

It was too little, too late.

A grand funeral was held, several ceremonies, a feast, a fitting sendoff. But none of it filled the hole in all our hearts.

Especially not the twins'.

I visited their room afterwards., They were huddled in a corner together, curled up, sitting only a few inches apart. In human form to fit in the room, I pulled them into an embrace.

"I know better than to say it's all right, but... I am here for you."

"But... Mom and dad... They're gone forever," said Tentay.

"They're never coming back... What's gonna happen to us?" said Pethakhon.

I sighed. "I have seen many leave forever just as they did. I can escape it, it is both a gift and a curse, but for your kind it is inevitable. But it is not truly the end. You two will grow to be great, and your children, and your children's children, and so on. I assure you of this. You can pick up the pieces and carry on in their stead. They would want you to."

"...Okay, Va." said Pethakon.

"...I guess so, Va," said Tentay.

They nestled into my arms further. I patted their heads.

We stayed that way a while.

--------------

The two started to near adulthood for their kind, and thus I started teaching them how to rule. . ~Now, you two, I have a question.~

They both shifted in their seats in the courtyard we were in. Teenagers were antsy about being taught. Especially when their teacher was an ancient and powerful dragon.

~Say that there is a famine. What are your main options for dealing with such a thing?~

"Simple," said Tentay. "You spend the royal budget on improving the crops."

~Ah, but such a solution would be expensive... And could be unsustainable."~

"Then we improve the harvest infrastructure over time!" said Pethakhon enthusiastically.

~Yet that could take a long time. Too long. People could starve.~

"Well my method is clearly better!" said Tentay. "It gets more immediate results!"

"You're wrong!" said Pethakhon. "MY plan won't doom us all later!" "It MIGHT not. It will definitely make people starve."

"We have to consider the future!" "The future is NOW, Pethakhon."

"Moron!"

"Imbecile!"

The two continued arguing like this until they finally noticed me waggling a claw mockingly.

~Now now now. Have you considered these solutions aren't mutually exclusive?"

The two of them stared at me. Then started sheepishly rubbing their heads.

"You have a point..." said Tentay. "That could work.." said Pethakhon.

~See?" I said. "If you work against each other nothing gets done. But if you work together...~

"Yes, we understand the moral, well done," said Pethakhon. "Why must we learn things we know already?" said Tentay.

~Because with you two it bears repeating.~

The two blinked and staredbefore rubbing their heads sheepishly again.

"...You have a point," said Tentay.

"We'll. We'll work on it.." said Pethakhon.

I simply smirked.

------------

They quickly became adults, true kings of Unova, and soon their first test was upon them. The ruler of a desert kingdom smack dab in the middle of Unova was a Volcarona by the name of Heliana. Shee was called before them for a diplomatic meeting, and we all assembled on the border between the desert and greener land.

"Why hello there!" said Heliana, floating before us.

Tentay and Pethakhon stared then turned to me, each whispering.

"She, uh, is a little hard to--" Pethakhon started to say.

"She's a Pokémon, but she can't speak telepathically, so we can't understand her," said Tentay.

"...That." said Pethakhon.

I chuckled. ~Don't worry, I can translate. She just says hi.~

The two nodded and turned back to Heliana.

"Right, hello," said Pethakhon.

"Shall we get down to business?" said Tentay.

"Oh, yes, yes!" said Heliana. "There was a matter of grave importance I wished to speak of with you! It was... Oh, hm, what was it..."

"She isn't very professional," Tentay whispered.

"Shhh!" said Pethakhon, nudging him.

"Oh! I remember now! It was wood!" said Heliana.

"Wood?" said Pethakhon. "My kingdom doesn't exactly have many trees," said Heliana. "I want cedar in particular! I'll offer you our finest textiles and minerals in return!":

"Hmmm. But we need the cedar for-"

"Shhh!" said Pethakhon. "She's making us a great offer!"

"More like a ridiculous one. We can't give her all that cedar!" "But we need the minerals and textiles!"

"She hasn't even specified WHAT minerals and textiles! Think before you leap!" "Well ask her!"

"Fine!"

Tentay took a deep breath and looked Heliana straight in the compound eyes. "You're being awfully vague about what those "minerals" and "textiles" are... Could you be more specific?"

"Oh! Lots of iron, copper... and Silk! Me and my babies spun the silk ourselves!"

"Wait, the silk comes from-" Tentay started to say.

"Sounds great!" said Pethakhon. We'll-"

"No. We need that cedar."

~Now now you two.~ I said. ~Put your heads together. Your wants and needs aren't mutually exclusive.~

They stared. And blinked. And... Well they didn't literally put their heads together but they did start mutually putting their hands to their chins thinking.

"There's some places we could grow... Cedar groves?" said Tentay.

"Yes! And we could loan those groves out to you!" said Pethakhon.

"They would take a while to grow normally but our Grass-types can make them grow faster!" said Tentay.

"Excellent!" said Heliana. "It's a deal! And Hekla and Katla will get started on the silk straight away!"

"Hekla and Katla?" said Pethakhon.

"Who?" said Tentay.

It was then two Larvesta emerged from Heliana's fuzz and divetackled Tentay and Pethakhon each with cries of "Friend! Friend! Friend!"

"My children!" said Heliana. "They spin the finest silk in all the land!"

"Well they sure are cute," said Pethakhon, holding up Hekla to get a good look at her.

"Easy little one," said Tentay, cradling Katla.

I just smiled.

---------------

I was in my throne room, and human again. I was alone, and it was quiet... until I heard a telltale slithering again.

"...Hello Zygarde."

The serpent congeals in a flash from their cells before me.

"You're still doing this. Why are you still doing this."

"They appreciate my help. And they are clearly better in my hands than yours."

The snake withed, their form rippling.

"Look, if you can't stop yourself from messing MY order up, I WILL."

I scoffed. "How?"

"You're awfully fond of those two humans, aren't you?"

My eyes widened. I clenched my fingers on my seat. "...Petty threats will get you nowhere."

"Oooh, I struck a nerve, didn't I? Don't worry, I won't do anything to them... Physically anyway. Unless you try to warn them that is, in which case I can always arrange an accident...."

I shifted to dragon form, knocking several things over in the process. "What are you planning, Zygarde?"

"How does the saying go, something something for me to know and you to find out?"

I roared and slashed at them with a claw, but before I made contact they scattered into cells and disappeared from whence they came. Guards rushed into the room shortly after. "Arbiter! Is everything all right?"

I panted heavily, looking at where Zygarde had gone, before turning to the guard.

~It's... It's fine. Just spooked by a shadow.~

--------------

From there it became apparent something was very quickly going wrong.

It started small at first. The brothers being more snippy with each other than they were before. But it soon blew up into full-on arguments, and everything I had raised them to do was falling apart before my eyes.

I knew exactly why.

I stalked the halls of the castle until I found a hound, ducking and weaving through the corridors.

"You!"

The hound stopped, looking smug. "What is it?"

"What are you doing to them?"

"Oh nothing much. A lie about one here, a rumor about the other there, did you realize exactly how easy it is to turn them against each other?"

"How... How dare you!"

I fired a metallic burst, a small-scale version of my Origin Flare, but they were already gone, and the brilliant beams of light only sank into the corridor, reducing chunks of it to rubble.

It was then I panicked. As long as Zygarde could keep spreading their lies...

...There was nothing I could do.

------------

Soon enough came a day that would come down in history as a fateful one.

The two of them were having a particularly heated, particularly philosophical argument about the future of the kingdom. Said argument was happening in the throne room, right in front of me, a dragon silently watching as their two human charges escalated to potential civil war right before their eyes.

"Do you really think your deluded visions would ever lead this kingdom to greatness?" said Tentay, "Your ideals will only bring ruin!"

"Your plan is built on a flawed foundation," said Pethakhon, "and faulty delusions of truth!"

It was becoming all too clear for me.

They would not reconcile this time.

I would have to choose one.

...But I couldn't.

I couldn't possibly-

One side of me wanted one. Another wanted the other.

But I couldn't choose.

I couldn't I couldn't I couldn't I couldn-

CRACK

-------------

When I awoke, I could not move. I had reverted to the God Stone I use to sleep and could not get out.

But I could see everything. I could see Tentay and Pethakhon beholding two dragons that I quickly realized had split off from me, by sheer will to leave neither one behind. I could also see I had rolled off to the side, where no one could see me.

But if those two pieces of me were out there... What was the rest of me doing in here?

As I wondered this I witnessed the argument between the two brothers escalate further, and eventually they stormed out of the room.

Time passed. Day turned into night. Then the serpent came.

"Well well well, that was an entertaining show. I knew your powers were unstable but I never expected them to do THAT. Oh well, it works out for me plenty - those two idiots you were so protective of will decimate humanity by their actions, and those bits of you that spawned for them will only help.

I wriggled in my prison, trying desperately to escape and put Zygarde in their place. They noticed and chuckled.

"Oh how foolish. Don't try too hard to escape dear. You don't know what schisming off so much of your power has done to you."

Their form rippled.

"And besides. It's too late for you. I've already won."

He gave a hearty, echoing laugh as he dissipated into cells and disappeared.

----------

Throughout the night, I continued to wriggle and squirm. I HAD to fix this, I HAD to prove Zygarde wrong, I HAD to-

And then I broke free.

And then I felt it.

I could tell I was not the being I used to be. I felt weak. I felt empty. There was a gnawing hunger and emptiness at the bottom of my soul that I could not overcome.

I staggered through the hallways of the castle, in confusion and pain, when I came upon two guards, who recoiled at my approach.

"H-Halt! What monstrous kind of P-Pokémon are you?" said one.

I looked at that guard. And I hungered. The emptiness gnawed at me as I yearned for something to fill it.

I lunged.

The other guard screamed as my fangs sunk into his compatriot. I started devouring him, purely by instinct, rending flesh from bones.

"M-Monster! Monster!"

It is then I snapped back to my senses and realized exactly what I was doing.

I tried to say, "Wait, no, you don't understand!" but all it came out as was staticky buzzing. Then the guard fled.

Overwhelmed with grief, shock, and horror, it was then I did the same, leaving the tall pyramid castle I had called my home for centuries and never turning back.

-----------

I holed up in the crater I had first crash-landed in from thereon out, never emerging. Still, I saw many things.

I saw Unova burnt by a deluge of fire and electricity.

I saw Unova rebuild, become more technologically advanced, more close totheir Pokémon, then further away, then closer again.

I saw people settle the area where I lived, and grow to fear me as others had.

I saw one bit of kindness from a boy from those people.

I saw the white dragon that split from me return, join with me once more, filling my emptiness but causing her unbearable pain that racked me with guilt.

I saw all this, but one thing remained the same, for the most part.

I was alone. And I was unsure if that would ever truly change.

So all I could do was mourn all I had lost.

***

Bit of a downer, huh. But I hope you enjoyed it! WILL Kyurem's situation get better? We'll have to find out later - I've got other shit I've really got to get to writing.

[fromthefishbowl]

10 italian songs that are terribly horny

Kind of a sequel of this post I wrote about the three Italian songs every Italian knows without fail, here comes another in the same vein and, as you might guess from the title of the post, they all are horny.

Because there’s absolutely no need to title your fic about Nicky losing his virginity after a Hozier song, when the Italian music scene of the 1970s has already blessed us with Cristiano Malgioglio!

Beware that this list features: threesomes, implied choking, implied masturbation, lengthy descriptions of dicks, and a whole lot of “dying”.

So, if you’re new to the Italian music scene, I bet you now have two questions: who is Malgioglio, and why is that “dying” in between quotes?

Cristiano Malgioglio is an Italian songwriter who has been working in the music industry since the early Seventies. Now known mostly for his flamboyant style and white strand of hair in his otherwise completely black head, he was a close friend of Fabrizio de Andrè, who was actually the one who introduced him to the music world. He has written a lot of songs that are LGBT+ themed and has always been very open about his sexuality, to the point that he has never even felt the need of coming-out. Out of the ten songs here presented, he has written three of them, and one of them is about one of his boyfriends.

As the censorship didn’t allow for song lyrics to be too explicit, songwriters and singers had found a way around it: rather than saying “coming” or “orgasming”, they would go with “dying”, which was a lot more elegant and could be inserted in literally every song without the censors being able to complain. And, trust me, there’s a lot of dying.

Here is the list, from the least horny to the most horny.

Chi Non Lavora (1970), by Adriano Celentano

Link to lyrics and translation here.

Commonly called Autunno Caldo (Hot Autumn), the workers strike that begun in 1969 and dragged itself into the August 1970 greatly influenced this piece (but for all the wrong reasons). Workers were demanding safer working conditions, which had been completely ignored up until that point. As the days went on and the more people joined the protests, the police got more and more violent, to the point that they had begun shooting people on sight. This caused a huge uproar from the protestors, and when the voice that people had been shot and harmed by the law enforcement, even more workers and even students joined the fight. Through a year of strikes, they forced the Italian government to create a new set of laws that would protect both workers and students.

The song mocks this movement: the singer complains about the fact that, since he is on a strike two days out of three, he cannot give his wife enough money and therefore she’s going on a strike too and won’t have sex with him. Basically this song is nothing but the woes of a privileged, extremely wealthy man who thinks that people protesting for the rights of a safe work environment is inopportune and stupid.

The only reason why I included this song is because “Chi non lavora non fa l’amore” (Those who don’t work don’t make love) is still very much used to this day. If you want a piece of media that actually explores the protests and the work environment of the time, I suggest watching La Classe Operaia va in Paradiso (The Working Class goes to Heaven), a movie from 1971.

10 Ragazze per Me (1969), by Lucio Battisti

Link to lyrics and translation here.

Lucio Battisti is a national treasure and if I’ll ever do more of these, he’s surely going to end up in more of them. Whereas De Andrè would write more traditional music and focus on the lyrics, Battisti’s music was a lot more danceable and his lyrics a lot lighter, usually focusing on loneliness and heartbreaks rather than social issues.

In this song, the protagonist is bragging about how he wants ten girls for himself, all for different reasons (one because she knows how to dance, the other because she’s a virgin, that other one because she has been with everybody but him). It is soon revealed, however, that the only reason why he’s doing it is because he’s still thinking about a very specific girl who broke his heart.

Remembering the note above, peep that “And red lips to die upon”.

Gelato al Cioccolato (1979), by Pupo

Link to lyrics and translation here.

First song written by Cristiano Malgioglio and also the one about his ex! And yes, it was sung by another man, but... oh, well. The lyrics are the same.

I feel like the only thing I need to say, about this song, is to quote it directly: “Chocolate ice cream, sweet and a little salty”. And that’s it, because the subtext is right there and it’s impossible to miss what it implies.

What I think should be added is the fact that the singer had absolutely no idea of what the song was about. Like none. It was only in 2007 that Malgioglio told him that he had been inspired to write it after spending a torrid summer in Tunisia, where he had gotten a boyfriend with whom he’d often get ice cream.

Carlo Martello Ritorna dalla Battaglia di Poitiers (1967), by Fabrizio de Andrè

Link to lyrics and translation here.

Translating this song absolutely murdered me: Paolo Villaggio, one of De Andrè’s best friends and an extremely important figure in Italian entertainment history, wrote it to play over Middle Ages sounding music, so the words chosen and the way sentences are structured are reminiscing of that time, and it was incredibly hard to find English words that matched.

This said, it’s possibly one of De Andrè’s most light-hearted songs (probably because he and Villaggio wrote it while their wives were giving birth to their sons), even if it does mention social issues.

King Charles Martel comes home from Poitiers but has lost the key to his wife’s chastity cage, so he doesn’t even go home before looking for another girl that can quench his thirst. He sees a beautiful maiden taking a bath and, seduced, convinces her to have sex with him. It is only when he has finished that she reveals that she’s actually a prostitute and now he has to pay her, but he runs away before doing so (but still after having complained about the rising prices).

The lyrics of this song were censored and fought against by the censorship so much that, even to this day, records with the uncensored version are extremely difficult to find.

Una Carezza in un Pugno (1968), by Adriano Celentano

Lyrics and translation here.

Yes, another Celentano song. I don’t like him either, it’s just that we cannot get rid of him for some reason.

Anyways, here we begin to get into hotter waters, as this song is about a man asking his girlfriend to think of him while she masturbates. Of course, since he cannot be left out of the question, he will think of her while he jerks off too.

Basically, unlike what a first read might make you think, the “fist” he makes while thinking of her is not because he wants to beat her up.

Il Triangolo (1978), by Renato Zero

Lyrics and translation here.

Renato Zero is another extremely flamboyant personality of the Italian music scene, and “Il Triangolo” is one of the songs of his that are best known.

As the title may suggest, this song is about a threesome. The protagonist goes on a date with their boyfriend and finds out that he has brought a second man, with the intention of convincing said protagonist to have a threesome. Although at first they need a little convincing, the protagonist then agrees to it and finds out they enjoy it a lot, to the point of coming to the conclusion that “Geometry is not a crime”!

Kobra (1980), by Donatella Rettore

Lyrics and translation here.

This song is about dicks, there’s no way around it and there’s nothing else to say. The singer sees a certain man and thinks about his dick, getting wet and fantasizing about the many things she could do with said dick. That’s it.

Pensiero Stupendo (1978), by Patty Pravo

Lyrics and translations here.

Second threesome song!

Unlike “Il Triangolo”, this song is a lot more subtle. It’s clear what the singer is talking about, but the lyrics are not as on the nose and leave more to the audience to feel it, rather than hearing it through words.

The song begins with the three people part of the threesome that are already doing it, and are still doing it by the time the song ends. It’s not about the act in and on itself, but more about the sensations it brings.

Ancora ancora ancora (1978), by Mina

Lyrics and translation here.

Second song written by Malgioglio!

Mina is probably one of the best known Italian singers, as her voice is said to be one of the best in recorded history and has an impressive rage of three octaves, so it really says something, the fact that this piece is so difficult that even her voice broke while holding a note (in an incredible way that only gives it character, but still).

The lyrics play with the fact that in Italian the word “ancora” can be translated and understood as “still”, “again”, and “more”. I couldn’t really give it justice in the translation, but it’s as if she was saying “Your hands still”, “Your hands again”, and “More of your hands” at the same time, and this kind of logic is repeated for every “ancora” she sings.

Even if the lyrics are suggestive, what was censored in this case was the video (the one linked with the song), as the close shots of the singer’s face, and especially of her mouth, were considered to be too sensual to be freely aired.

L’importante è Finire (1975), by Mina

Lyrics and translation here.

Third and last piece written by Malgioglio!

The story behind this song is a little nebulous, but I have read that apparently Malgioglio wrote it for Dori Ghezzi, De Andrè’s wife, but that that project never came to life and, in the meantime, he had managed to meet Mina, and had tried to get her to sing it. But... not sure if this story is directly related to the song in question or not.

Anyways, even for this piece it’s impossible to escape it’s meaning, to the point that, even if it didn’t contain any forbidden words, it was censored anyways for weeks, forbidding radios to air it and Mina to sing it on TV. However, people were so eager to listen to it that it still managed to climb the charts and was, eventually, allowed on air.