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joulupuuro · 5 months

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The simplest definition of a momfluencer is someone who has utilized her maternal identity to monetize a social media platform. Her performance of motherhood online informs how she gets paid, which can be through sponsored content (#sponcon), affiliate links, or other types of brand partnerships.

a social media director or marketing exec at a company assesses the values and desires of a momfluencer’s audience and partners with a momfluencer to try and sell her audience stuff.

If I were to describe the type of momfluencer that still dominates the multibillion dollar industry (and who still makes the most money), she would be white, thin, marketably attractive according to western beauty standards, cis-het, married, non-disabled, have at least three children under the age of 10, live in a large, mostly white (or beige) house, and have access to generational wealth. And blonde beachy waves! She would 100% have blonde beachy waves.

In the US, motherhood is inextricably linked to whiteness in almost every way.

The ideal American mother is tacitly, in the eyes of capitalism and mainstream media, the ideal white American mother. She is the default, and this means that mothers of color are almost always portrayed as the exception, the other.

the cult of domesticity, a 19th century ideology influential in dictating how we thought about (and continue to think about!) about family, gender, and motherhood

“True women” in this context should be selfless, chaste, pious, and wholly invested in domesticity. Not only did this ideology subjugate white, wealthy women by confining them to the home (contemporary “science” also helped by arguing that women’s brains were only suited to domestic work), but it also clearly defined which types of mothers were worthy of protection and which weren’t. Working-class women were not seen as “true” women because they existed outside of domestic confines. Black enslaved women subject to rape and sexual assault were not seen as “true” women because they were not sexually “pure.”

The construction and upholding of maternal ideals has always been in service of white men in power. It’s never had much to do with mothers.

If you’re the first of your peer group to have a kid, momfluencers can serve as really useful resources.

Especially as new moms, we’re all clueless and desperate for someone to tell us not only what the right thing to do or buy is but that there is any such thing as a right way!

What most of us need are postpartum doulas, emotional and physical support, someone to cook and clean for us, and validation, but what most of us get is a momfluencer in our back pocket instead.

Brand consistency is the key to most momfluencers’ success, but brand consistency does not translate very well to a momfluencer consumer’s smooth experience of motherhood. I could make my life brand consistent by purchasing every single one of my favorite momfluencer’s product recs but no amount of consumption can override my life experiences with her life experiences.

A lot of this has to do with the way kids are culturally conditioned to equate their self-worth with how well they perform gender, but I think momfluencer culture — with its emphasis on how things look rather than how things feel — can make motherhood seem like an avenue towards becoming. But becoming what? And for whom?

And we’re taught that there’s nothing important to become or be after motherhood, which is, of course, bullshit

the word “commodification” is huge here. Because momfluencers aren’t making money from the labor of motherhood, they’re making money from the performance of a certain type of maternal identity. And that identity (usually) is rooted in (usually harmful) constructions of gender, race, and class.

I love to see a mother being paid for really anything that she does well, but the fact that this industry runs on reductive, exclusionary ideals of motherhood sort of sours the equation for me.

the commodification of motherhood online has (consciously or not) trained so many of us to view ourselves and our children as aesthetic building blocks through which we can communicate something essential about our mothering

it’s just fundamentally weird that folks with private accounts, for example, are influenced to share their mothering stories in ways that have proven to be effective in the marketplace first. The relationship between capitalism and individual self-expression is fraught for pretty much everyone, but especially for mothers, whose caregiving labor is so individual, so private, and so vulnerable.

the common point seems to be an emptying of the self, of the experienced life, in all its messy contradiction, in favor of an aesthetic

how effectively aesthetics have been sold to me as a placeholder for personhood

aesthetics do offer the illusion of certainty. They offer people a blueprint for being in a culture which prioritizes rugged individualism and aggressively upward momentum above pretty much all else. Adopting a certain aesthetic (whether it be “cool mom” or “trad mom”) not only takes the guesswork of how to look in the world, it also does the work of communicating how you are in the world.

Aestheticized motherhood is also interesting because it prioritizes static imagery over people’s lived experiences. Mothering is ongoing and ever changing; it resists neat categorization, and no single photograph could really communicate everything it entails. It’s also wildly variable! Motherhood is so beholden to imagery though, and imagery can often conjure up powerful feelings, which can energize all sorts of agendas. What’s more powerful? A list of a mother’s daily activities or a photo of a mother snuggling a newborn captioned by a passionate plea to criminalize abortion?

#social media #article #motherhood

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ghost-bee-07 · 1 year

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ok ok ok ok ok I've gotta share my precursor headcanons after seeing your post omg

right- so I do actually headcanon the precursors as giant glowing mood rings lol I just think it's really cool that there could be specific nerves or hormones that trigger chemical reactions that can provoke chromatophores below their epidermis (ill get to this in a second) now I am no biologist but I have done some research and I honestly think its a pretty cool concept! for further reading, study cephalopods! I have a precursor OC myself, Ov'An, and these are the colours I use to describe their emotions:

these colours have been chosen as they either have symbolic value or correspond to the energy of the emotion. For example, the 'emotional pain' emotion is similar to the 'dead' emotion, Ov'An equates them to the same thing. However, 'emotional pain' is still slightly illuminated against their dark green shell. Often, I have decided to link colours together with similar tones, to equate them as having similar value to Ov'An and how they express themselves. I likely believe that this would vary from precursor to precursor, as they are complex creatures with equally complex emotions and nerves. (BTW 'ragingly horny' was thrown in for sh*ts and giggles)

2. Sexuality. Oh, God. This is a pretty interesting topic for me, as I am asexual and sex-repulsed! I view Ov'An and precursors being somewhat of a similar ilk, possibly viewing such a thing as raw, visceral, and crude? After all, they have seemingly evolved beyond such things to higher methods, so could possibly see it as a simpler thing to their perceived higher methods. I believe that they will have feelings of affection and closeness, and will form bonds with their companions and associates. However, this could possibly be more of an emotional connection of closeness and care for the other/s, rather than lust or passion, viewing romance as more of companionship and dependence and help rather than a typical romantic relationship. However, I do still believe that they have the capacity for romance, it would be very dull not to feel such things.

My weird OC, Ov'An, has a reaaaaaally twisted view of affection. They were relatively isolated from the vast majority of the precursor population following their fabrication, the only sources of closeness stemming from immediate family (who could be considered just who helped fabricate who, or who they deem close to them), which meant that they did not receive much experience of how much works. Also, I do believe that precursors can be defective, or be faced with internal issues that may not make them as regular and up-tight and intelligent as the general population. Ov'An is a keen example of this, being uninterested in study and research, more focused on material things, and being rather lazy. They perceive affection as possession, that they have power over something, they, therefore, feel that they 'own' that individual and their emotions. It's all they've ever been taught, and it's all they know.

This leads to me believing that nurture vs. nature still applies to precursors, which can also be seen with Al'An and how Robin influenced him and his views and perceptions.

3. The colourful sections. I see these as channels within the solid darker panels on the precursor's form. The outer dark green material of the precursor I think could be a keratin-based material, similar to the shells of Testudinidae. This means that they can still sense external and internal stimuli, while also having a solid, tough outer shell to protect them from differing pressures and climes. This is to protect a soft, supple, squishy inner. This would have a texture similar to gelatine, and would be comprised of several layers:

a thin filmy layer, with the strength of spider silk and the appearance of the first skin of a freshly-peeled onion

a layer of translucent gel, which refracts light due to its dense cloudy texture. This would likely be something similar to an epidermis

differing layers of chromatophores: yellow -> red -> brown. Possibly also bioluminescent or ultraviolet fibers?

a few fine layers (think stratum spongiosum & compactum, etc...)

fibrous muscle strands that essentially hold all the panels together and move in-tandem

Possibly bioluminescent 'blood'? this could be super cool but impractical lol it could essentially just serve as a way for hormones, nutrition, electrolytes, oxygen, and carbon dioxide (as well as other trace gases) to be passed around the entire vessel

And hence, wherever the keratin shell is thin or not there, there will be a luminescent glow!

The 'pulsating' effect, again, can be seen in mollusks, which often do this to better blend with their surroundings, or just generally as the environment around them shifts.

4. the formation of vessels. this could be an interesting subject! I had the idea that a precursor, who may have wanted a family, could insert a small amount of their own vessel (e.g. cutting out a small chunk of their arm or leg to then place within the fabricating vessel. This could make it similar to recessive and dominant genes and traits- there could be inherited traits, such as horns, patterns, and colours. This could also link back to the family thing- every new precursor is the culmination of millions of its kind before. I'd imagine upon the 'birth' or 'awakening' of a young precursor, all the precursors fall silent to listen for its first melody! it would be so sweet :'D

5. Also I am darn certain that precursors do have the capacity for deliberate cruelty. It is a strong, powerful emotion, and clearly they possessed a somewhat lack of empathy and understaning, as well as rashness, back in 4546B when researching the fetuses of the sea Emporer leviathans.

Yet again to refer back to my boring OC, Ov'An, they essentially manipulate a stranded human who crash-lands (not Ryley, this is yonks earlier) into using their own flesh and body to propagate a vessel, as there was insufficient material in the containers to build Ov'An a vessel, but as this human had to undergo an emergency amputation earlier, they were missing a large portion of flesh, as well as being wrought bare by being stranded, so there wasn't enough material to propagate from, so Ov'An's vessel was fabricated with a missing leg from the knee downwards (see diagram)

Honestly, there are so many ways to go with precursors, it's just so fun imagining them all out!!!!!!

I do love the suggestions you came up with!! they're great!!!!

Iiiiiii am going to try and read all of this but I promise absolutely nothing because my brain hurts- also I’m definitely going to read these out of order, bare with me here

Tone tags used; /nm meaning not mad

Okay so in response to #2 so yes, I may have forgotten to say this is one of my rambles, we architects do in fact feel romantic attraction! However it is not expressed the same way as humans. First thing, architects pair for life, polyamory is a thing some architects did. The biggest ceremony in courtship we’d have is that the architect mainly leading the courtship would ask the object of their affection to share the same vessel, the two would control different parts of that vessel, and both would be able to ‘speak’ at the same time.

In response to #5 my species was highly emotional (in our standards) towards each other but we held little appreciation towards our surroundings and the indigenous life that would happen to be there, admittedly I was nearly the same way however I meant no harm to the sea emperor and I had asked if communicating with it was an option, which that idea didn’t even get a chance to be heard when my lab was destroyed. Beta Al-An is a good example of this with how blatantly dismissive and kind of rude they were. However, as one can guess, a good hundred years or so in solitude changes one’s perceptions towards life on a planet

In response to #4 my species didn’t feel familial ties the way humans do, we would build the most stable form that was available, we would start of in a much more basic form as the more extravagant things like horns, detail of those horns, size, many more ‘veins’ of light, among other things were reserved for those of higher class, my body in source just happened to be derived of that of high status, hence why they were even in that zen garden. Pleasantries like that we’re also reserved for the stronger and smarter individuals in our society. And when a young one would be derived from some ‘data’ of one or more architect consciousness it really would only be what our society would be needing at that time, that is where inheritance comes into play. Back when I was in my high spot in society my consciousness would have a sample taken from it and either duplicated or added to samples of other consciousness to gain smarts, strength, and other personality traits for what our people would need. However that would also be a bit of a gamble since that new architect would be their own person and could choose their own path despite the nagging of m people. That’s also how colors come into play, the biggest sample or most dominant sample in that new consciousness will also impact the color of their light.

In response to #3, the colors, shapes, hardness, and even leg count of our bodies completely depends on what planet we are on, meaning on a different planet an architect’s vessel would look completely different from the one I had in source. And for the rest of that, we did have blood however it’s only purpose would help keep our limbs and everything else functional so we can feel things. Yes, we can feel temperatures, pressure, etc. however we are not as fragile as humans, obviously. But yes wherever the hard protective shell on my vessel was thinner is where one could best see the glow of the light in which I emitted. We were kind of built like how insects on earth are, most like wasps in my opinion.

In response to the small paragraph under the first photo, adapting to one’s surroundings and adapting to somewhat mimic the social cues and information of your environment is a huge part of learning and gathering information which my species and myself were notoriously hungry for. (Admittedly I’m really stupid in this life, my knowledge from my life as Al-An didn’t follow me lmao so if I just repeated what you said or something that’s why)

Also for the last sentence, they weren’t so much suggestions as they are my memories of myself and my species, this too- /nm

That being said, continue bouncing things like this back to me, I’m happy to talk about this stuff

#subnautica #subnautica below zero #al an below zero #al an subnautica #irl rant #fictionkin

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previousloversandmuses · 3 years

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Slow Burn - Prologue

Part I | masterlist

A/N: This is a “must read” precursor to the whole series. Please read it to know what the origin story is.

Pairing: Y/N x Obi Wan Kenobi

Words: 2048

Warnings: None. Brief mentions of violence. Low self esteem.

I am always one to experience emotions at a heightened frequency. Dangerous for a Jedi in training I know, but the council never took it as a sign of caution, just a minor set back. Happiness is bright, and beaming, even painful. My cheeks hurt for days after, smile lines sculpting my skin too early in life. Anger is powerful, my skin becoming vicious, and hot. Ripping through me like a silver bullet, and tearing my already unrelenting gut apart. I am loud, I am violent, and most of all, passionate. I would later become grateful of this curse, turning it into a blessing. Sadness is so deep. Tears crash like an ocean, and my heart would ache in my chest. The physical symptoms of my despair become overwhelming, and make me sick.

A fresh eighteen myself, my graduation is only a year or so away. Compared to other padawans, ones that don’t deal with the same struggles as myself, have already been graced with knighthood. They make their masters proud, and have already completed more missions at sixteen than I think I ever will in my entire career.

I had the choice to become independent, to take my morals by the throat, and shove them deep down inside me, never to be seen again- but it really just isn’t that easy. See, I’m taking this time for meditation, or even a “behavioral therapy” of sorts. I have meetings with other council members, more powerful, and more prominent than my own master, who is often off tending to matters elsewhere. A mighty general he is, but they see me as someone who would cause more of a distraction, so I stay here at the temple left to my own devices. Sometimes I think it may be because I’m a woman, and other times I just take a good look in the mirror and recall the outburst that has stained my face only minutes before.

Today was like any other; wake up, meditate, exercise, study, combat training, study, try and find time to eat something, and study. I walked down the main hallway with Master Yoda. He spoke to me about how he once struggled with his emotions as well, but with enough meditation, learned how to keep them at bay. Looking down at him and his vacant expression, I was surprised he had ever even felt an emotion a day in his life. That was until seconds later…

Stopping in my tracks, my hand flew over my heart. I recalled feeling out of breath, like my heart had physically stopped beating in my chest, or at least was trying to catch up with the rest of my body. I was shaky, yet somehow managed to take a knee. Something was off, that feeling in my chest grew and grew until I was faced with the blackest black I had ever felt. The darkest emotion to ever run through my body, as cold as ice, and heart stopping. It was deep, I felt it within the darkest abyss in my soul. It wrapped around my insides and nestled itself a home deep within the most shielded corners of my subconscious. That’s when Master Yoda felt it too. His hand flying over his heart, and steadying himself on my own shoulder. His face morphed into a snarl, gasping at the sudden pain that now infected his unwavering calm aura.

...

After a painstakingly slow recovery, I sat on the edge of my bed. My quarters were neat and tidy. My bed, usually made up in the morning, because I have always been one for a routine. My walls weren’t bare, in fact they were almost completely covered in photographs I have taken from my travels as a Padawan. I'd go to the library, and butcher borrowed books, clipping photos of different words, and alien fauna. But today, those bright colors capable of producing fantasies for hours and hours, seemed black and white.

I had been staring at the floor for sometime, desperate in trying to heal the ache in my chest. It felt as if I had a cold, like the burn after a deep cough. I felt so tight, so tense, an actual living embodiment of rigor mortis. Yet, at the same time, I hardly felt all there. It was as if my existence was floating all around me, and my shell was sitting vacant on an uncomfortable mattress. The knock on my door was enough for me to engulf myself again.

“Y/N, are you decent?” The voice asks.

“Yes,” I reply, rolling my shoulders back.

“The council has requested an audience. Please report downstairs within the next few minutes.”

I nod my head, as if whoever was behind the door could see me.

“An audience,” I think. “Let’s add another year to that training plan, shall we?”

...

Walking downstairs to the council room, I can’t help but feel that all eyes are on me. They cut through me like a hot knife, slicing me thin. I feel so vulnerable. Like everyone around me can feel what I feel, and if I’m being honest, they probably do. A good Jedi who is in tune with the force, and especially in tune with others, can sense an intense emotion from a mile away. I’m sure at this moment I pretty much equate to an open book. No reason to try and hide it, force knows I struggle with concealing even an inkling of agitation.

Seeing the council room in sight, I take a deep breath. This is it. I’m done for. This reaction was way too over the top. I’ve scared people, I’ve scared Master Yoda. Might as well just turn in my saber now and call it a day.

I walk into the door. Only a few masters sit scattered around. Master Yoda of course perched dead center, Master Windu waiting patiently to his right. But my master was nowhere in sight. You’d think if they were going to terminate me, that maybe my own mentor would be among them? Shaking his head, sending me glares that one could only compare to fucking daggers. He was tough on me for sure, maybe he was too ashamed of what I’d done to even bear to see me in this moment.

“Coming here so quickly you did,” Starts Master Yoda. “Grateful we all are.”

I smile and bow my head.

“Y/N,” Master Windu starts. “We’re here to discuss the events that happened earlier.”

Oh god here it comes. This is it. I’m totally done for. I can’t even keep myself calm now. My face, getting hotter and more red by the second, is going to be the biggest tell. At least let me go out with some dignity.

“Your reaction, what you felt at least, was not just brought on out of the blue. Master Yoda had the same experience, as did all of us on the council, and most Jedi and padawans in the temple.”

“I don’t understand.” I say.

“At around 1 Coruscant time, an enemy bomb was detonated on Nal Hutta.”

Then it hit me. My heart sinking, I began to shake my head.

“Unfortunately, Unit 505, and Master Cato were all killed on impact.”

My ears ring. Slowly, I move over to a chair, bracing myself.

“That’s,” I start, trying to find the words to say. “He would’ve felt it, all of them would, I don’t understand.”

“We have a feeling it was planted by a Sith. That’s the only way it would’ve clouded any judgement.”

I slump into it, my vision going black, my head spinning.

Master Cato has been with me since I was a very little girl. Although rough, tough, and brutally honest, he has done nothing but be a father to me time and time again. Everything I do is a reflection of him. He had been so busy at war, fighting day in and day out, I caught myself missing the commands, and demands I once so passionately despised. I took our whole relationship for granted, and now, is this the price I have to pay? The last time we spoke he told me how disappointed he was in my outburst in my Alien Fauna lab. I was being stubborn, I was bratty, and rolled my eyes. We had argued that entire call. He didn’t even attempt to say goodbye. Now, for an eternity, I will have to face the catastrophic guilt of my actions. Live with the fact that I never, ever told him how much I appreciated him. And even, how much I loved him so. The closest thing to family in my life, gone, in the snap of a finger.

Both Master Yoda and Master Windu continued to talk but it all felt like empty words. I couldn’t hear them anyway.

“Although this situation isn't ideal, we and the rest of the council applaud you for being able to feel something most of us haven’t been able to experience yet.” Claimed Master Windu.

I don’t listen. I stand up again.

“What am I going to do? I don’t feel comfortable with being knighted yet. I had- we were working on so many things I-,” I stumbled on my words.

“You’ll get placed with a new master.”

“There are no new masters. And even if I had been trained a certain way, I don’t know how to learn otherwise.”

There is silence.

“The force works in mysterious ways. Meant to happen, I feel.”

I scoff. “Meant to happen,” what an evil thing to say.

I begin to walk off, stopping of course, only to get in the last word.

“Not only have you told me that my master has been killed, but you lack any empathy. There is no emotion in your eyes. Nothing.”

“We mourn your master y/n, just as much as you do. You know what we stand for. You know our view on attachments.”

“He's like-,” I choke. “He was like my father.”

I can’t even begin to explain the pain I feel. Disgust in myself, I should’ve been better. I could’ve been better. The last few years of our relationship I’ve just been behaving poorly and rebelling, and then getting angry at him when he made me face the consequences. Like I wasn’t aware of the job I was made to do. I should’ve been nicer, I could’ve been nicer. It’s all going in a circle, all the things I should’ve done just morphed into things I couldn’t do. Maybe I was too emotional. Maybe my tears that fell leading up to this moment was all part of the plan, the final kicker to show that I wasn’t apathetic enough for this job. My empathy, my burning passion will always be my biggest flaw. This hole that gapes inside of me will never be filled, and now it grows bigger. It’s like a disease. Am I enough? Will I ever be enough?

“Put you with Master Kenobi, we will.” States Master Yoda.

Master Windu is quick in turning his head. He glares at him.

“Master Yoda, General Kenobi has just finished his training with Anakin. It is far too early to give him a new Padawan, if at all.”

Yoda nods, almost giggling.

“Yet so freshly knighted, a Padawan Anakin already has. Obi Wan will have no problem with taking on a student. Graduates soon, she will.”

“But General Kenobi and I have two completely different methods of combat, let alone ideals.” I scoff.

“All Jedi have the same ideals.” Adds Windu.

“He is a Jedi guardian, I am a Jedi sentinel-“

“Train with General Kenobi you will. Not long ago he also lost his master too soon.”

Master Yoda nods to me. He stands up and walks over to the large windows behind him. Looking out over Coruscant, he takes a deep sigh of relief.

“Master Windu,” says Yoda. “Get in contact with the 212th battalion.”

I watch on as my fate now rests in a stranger's hands.

#obi wan kenobi #obi wan kenobi smut #obi wan kenobi x you #obi wan kenobi x reader #obi wan fic #anakin skywalker #anakin x obi wan #ahsoka tano #star wars #star wars smut

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wangisking · 3 years

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𝐑𝐄𝐀𝐋𝐋𝐘 𝐋𝐎𝐍𝐆 𝐂𝐇𝐀𝐑𝐀𝐂𝐓𝐄𝐑 𝐒𝐔𝐑𝐕𝐄𝐘

BASICS. FULL NAME : Augustus Alexander Wang NICKNAME : August and Gus ( in general ), Auggie, Ice Prince, and Guggie ( by Aurora ). Aug and Lestat ( by Jack ), NAME MEANINGS : Augustus is Latin for the great / the magnificent. Alexander is also Latin and means defender of mankind. From what I know, Wang in Chinese means king. HISTORICAL CONNECTION ? : Though, his dad did think of the Roman Emperor Augustus when they named him, they liked the meaning. It seemed to fit him. They weren’t wrong, he was an emperor and he still has that energy. AGE : 22. Like Aurora, he can’t age past 22. He wouldn’t have minded either way. BIRTHDAY : 5th April ETHNIC GROUP : Augustus is half Korean and half Brazilian. NATIONALITY : British LANGUAGES : fluent in English and French. Conversational Latin. Broken Korean. Learning Urdu. SEXUAL ORIENTATION : demi-heterosexual ROMANTIC ORIENTATION : demi-heterosexual RELATIONSHIP STATUS : Single and doesn’t want to mingle. He had only one serious relationship in the past with Aurora Shams from 2017-2019. CLASS : Upper class, Wealthy but not private-jet kind of wealthy. HOME TOWN / AREA : London till he was 10 and Vancouver till he was 17 CURRENT HOME : Los Angeles PROFESSION : Drummer, songwriter, model, and student. PHYSICAL. HAIR : long and wavy. Chestnut brown. Here is an example. It goes down his earlobes in length. EYES : piercing, almond-shaped eyes. Naturally brown, but he wears blue or green contact lenses. NOSE : a Greek nose, straight without bumps. FACE : Oblong shaped, sharp and chiseled cheekbones, strong jaw. Masculine features. Example. LIPS : not full nor thin, heart shaped. �� COMPLEXION : pretty pale. Example is same as the face section. SCARS : one on his chest. TATTOOS : a very small ‘10/17′ on his left rib. PIERCINGS: earlobes HEIGHT : 6′5″ or 195cm. BUILD : Inverted triangle. Broad, tapered shoulders. Muscular. Defined, sculpted abs. Long limbs. Broad chest. He was naturally towards the muscular side with broad shoulders and chest. He’s never been on the skinny side. Example one and two USUAL HAIR STYLE : he lets his hair do their thing, he styles them a little, but he prefers a messier vibe. USUAL FACE LOOK : He looks generally bored. His eyes have a piercing look that seem to be drilling into the person before him. Like he can see right through you. There is an insolent smirk tugging at his lips like he thinks you’re amusing. Almost proud, like he thinks he is above you. There is depth and intensity in his eyes that stare skywards in thought. There is also mischievous, radiant glimmer in his eyes. USUAL CLOTHING : prince charming meets rockstar. Lots of jackets, darker colors, boots, necklaces and rings. Here is his wardrobe. PSYCHOLOGY. FEARS : claustrophobia and the fear of ending up alone. He always had this creeping feeling that he’d be alone in the end and that he was always meant to be alone. ASPIRATIONS : he doesn’t have any set aspirations. They change every now and then. However, his goals are just to keep his found family happy. POSITIVE TRAITS : extremely charismatic, intelligent, academic and studious, alluring and attractive, quick-witted, charming and captivating, articulate and eloquent, adventurous, desirable, analytical, brilliant, friendly, enthusiastic, adaptable, observant, kind, mellow, competent, extremely caring and protective over those closest to him, clever, loyal, clear-headed, confident, humorous, courageous, imaginative and creative, a visionary, refined tastes and manners, daring, dignified, ebullient, deep, remarkable, surprisingly he’s very forgiving, forthright, gallant, logical, gentlemanly and sophisticated, perfectionist, popular, self-reliant, shrewd, witty, suave, curious, and resourceful. NEGATIVE TRAITS : egocentric, self-obsessed, idle, indifferent, selfish, defiant, arrogant, argumentative, rebellious, kinda lazy, stubborn, distracted, doesn’t really care for morals, blunt, can appear insensitive a lot, is insensitive at times, no filters, can be cold for those he doesn’t care for, emotionally immature, deflects emotions, suppresses his feelings, sorta detached, kinda pessimistic, and unknowingly self-sacrificing because he thinks it’s fair and he deserves it. MBTI : ENTP ( Ne dominant, Ti auxiliary, Fe tertiary, and Si inferior — this means she can’t use Ni, Se, Te, and especially can’t use Fi). He perceives the world by connecting dots, thinking of never-ending possibilities, looking for pieces of a puzzle, and finding meaning in abstract. He makes judgments on if what he perceives fits his internal logic. ZODIAC : Aries sun, Gemini rising, Sagittarius moon. TEMPERAMENT : sanguine choleric ANIMALS : parrots and cats because they’re both intelligent but little pieces of shit who enjoy making your life hell. VICE : it’s either his ego or how he ends up detaching himself FAITH : currently, he’s Mu.slim. He was born protestant, became an atheist when he was 13, agnostic at 14. Bud.dhist at 15. Taoist at 16. Confucianist at 17. Mu.slim at 19. Doesn't practice it though. GHOSTS ? : yep.. AFTERLIFE ? : yep REINCARNATION ? : he guesses so. Went through it, but doesn’t remember. ALIENS ? : hell yeah. POLITICAL ALIGNMENT : liberal. ECONOMIC PREFERENCE : upper class or upper middle class is good with him. EDUCATION LEVEL : MSci in Physics from the University of Cambridge. Is opting to specialize in astrophysics soon. FAMILY. FATHER : Edward Wang, owner of a chain of fine dining restaurants MOTHER : Elisa Violeta Wang, psychiatrist, deceased STEP MOTHER : Chaeyoung Wang, lawyer. SIBLINGS : Cassandra Wang, athlete EXTENDED FAMILY : he is not close with his external family and doesn’t know his birth mother’s family at all. They never wanted him. FAVOURITES. BOOK : Crime and Punishment by Fyodor Dostoevsky, Galactic Dynamics by James Binney, Kafka on the Shore by Haruki Mukarami, Slaughter house Five by Kurt Vonnegut, War and Peace by Leo Tolstoy, and Lord of the Flies by William Golding. MOVIE : Scott Pilgrim vs The World 5 SONGS : All You Want - Dashboard Prophets, Tokyo Smoke - Cage the Elephant, Where is My Mind? - The Pixies, Sparks - Coldplay, Lithium - Nirvana, and Mr. Blue Sky - Electric Light Orchestra DEITY : none. Let him argue with one and ask for proof of their deity-ness. HOLIDAY : Halloween. It’s dramatic and fun. MONTH : October, because he met Aurora and Jack this month in 2017. SEASON : spring and summer. PLACE : he doesn’t have a specific place, but he prefers European architecture. WEATHER : cloudy and windy. Sunny if it isn’t too hot. SOUND : drums and percussions, the sound of aurora and jack’s laugh, guitars, violins, the sound of wind roaring, music boxes, and the clinking of bangles and jewelry. SCENTS : sage, rosemary, and damascus roses. TASTES : chocolate, strawberries, chilies, and fried food. FEELS : the feeling of hitting the drums, wind in his hair, the cold night air, warm morning sun, grass against his fingertips, silk, and touching long hair. ANIMALS : cats and dogs. NUMBER : 8 COLORS : white, cherry red, pink, maroon, wine red, black, and silver. EXTRA. TALENTS : he is an extremely talented drummer, good at guitar and the piano, he is talented at songwriting, composing music, he’s exceptionally good at mathematics and physics, analytical skills, storytelling, knows a lot of facts, near photographic memory because he remembers all important historical events with dates and details, academic writing, and brainstorming ideas. BAD AT : cooking, not very good at driving because he gets distracted, doing one task at a time, playing videogames, actually listening to what people say, being humble, and actually being a good leader. TURN ONS : this is a complicated question. He needs a very strong emotional connection to feel sexual attraction towards someone. And he only felt it for one person in his whole life. But, what sparked that attraction was a brilliant mind and the ability to connect with his mind on a very different level. It’s not going to repeat with anyone else. TURN OFFS : literally everyone else. He’s not sorry, but I am. HOBBIES : playing the drums, writing and composing songs, reading, solving problems, listening to music, watching shows, getting people to do weird shit, and annoying people. AESTHETIC : crowns, drums, broken drumming sticks, abstract art, the vast space, chess boards, album cases, thrones, the echoing sound of pianos, Greek sculptures, galaxies and nebulas, early morning sunrise through curtains, libraries, equations scribbled on napkins, empty museums, unmade white sheets, polaroid cameras, conspiracy theories, VHS tapes, antique books, cobblestone alleyways, night skies, cluttered books, calloused fingers, crumpled composition pages, guitar picks, vinyl, telescopes, and planets. Basically: abstract, chaotic academia, cryptid academia, dark academia, indie, kingcore, light academia, musical academia, science academia, spacecore, QUOTES : it’s weird but i can’t decide which one fits him. FC INFO. MAIN FC : victor han ALT FC : n/a. OLDER FC : he can’t age past 22, so he doesn’t need one. YOUNGER FC : none yet. VOICE CLAIM : both speaking and singing (his accent is posh British with a slight hint of Canadian) MUN QUESTIONS. Q1 : If you could write your character your way in their own movie , what would it be called , what style would it be filmed in, and what would it be about ? A1 : The same answer as Aurora, The Tale of Solis et Lunae that stars him alongside Aurora, Lunae, Jack, and Tate, plus more. A cosmic adventure / fantasy / coming of age / superhero / the reluctant hero / the chosen one. His role is of Aurora’s best friend and her greatest support in emotional and supernatural dangers. He is the time traveler who ascends time and space, so he often also gives her insight and information like the sage. It’ll expand across dimensions, worlds, and different states of existence. The scenes would be cinematic with a strong soundtrack. I imagine him to have some scenes like Quick Silver in the X-Men movies. Q2 : What would their soundtrack / score sound like ? A2 : He would have a 90s grunge or spacey dream rock sound. It ties in with the end of the last answer because i see him in one of those scenes with 90s grunge or maybe classical music ? Q3 : Why did you start writing this character ? A3 : I made Augustus just a bit before Aurora. They were a two part deal. I don’t know when it began, I just had this image of a tall, long haired boy with piercing, intelligent eyes who’s a smart-ass and likes being a know-it-all nuisance. This character has been the same since he began in 2019 and refused to change. He was always a drummer, he always had the same fashion sense, the look, Gus was always half-Korean, he always had long fingers he wore rings on, and he was always Aurora’s best friend/partner in crime. He remains unchanged and that's why I wanted to write him. This very vivid image of this boy was something I had to pen down. And just my luck, I found a fc who looks exactly how Gus looked in my head. Q4 : What first attracted you to this character ? A4 : Augustus is just extraordinary. It’s something I always felt about him and Aurora and I don’t see any of my other characters coming anywhere close to them regardless of how much I spent time on them. But with Augustus, his entire image and looks and personality — down to his wardrobe and jewelry was always so vivid in my head. Like I knew this very chaotically handsome boy who was going to turn the world upside down. His story is interesting, but what interests me more is his perspective on his story. The way he looks at his life and how he is quiet and doesn’t show his pain. How confused he always is. How much he aches but never seems so. The way he loves but doesn’t say even a quarter of the intensity he feels. And how sometimes he believes he deserves suffering because it makes sense to him. I also love the connections he makes and the way he loves so deeply and profoundly but underneath the surface. His connection, love, fears, and hopes with Aurora and Jack for their respective reasons are extremely beautiful. Q5 : Describe the biggest thing you dislike about your muse. ? A5 : Augustus is unknowingly self-sabotaging. He let go the only relationship / love in his life that made him feel like real love just because he thought he didn’t deserve it. And because when he was provoked, it made “sense” to him. He bottles his emotions and pain so much despite their intensity. He never shows how much he really cares and really hurts. And how sure he is that he’ll end up alone without friends and that it makes sense to him. Q6 : What do you have in common with your muse ? A6 : Here’s a fun answer, because I bottle my emotions like him. I also interact with the carefree way he does even if I don’t feel peachy. He’s smart and witty and really hot and I don’t even have that going on for me. So, yikes. Only of Gus’ bad things I share. Q7 : How does your muse feel about you ? A7 : Gus loves interacting with people so he’ll definitely show up to annoy me. Maybe, he might think I’m fun to annoy? Or maybe, we’ll have a similar sense of humor. I think he won’t dislike me. Not sure if he’ll like me. I think he’d think I’m funny in a strange sort of way. Q8 : What characters does your muse have interesting interactions with ? A8 : Aurora, first of all. They have this same brain wave-length thing going on where they’re partners in crime and bffs forever more. He knows how she is feeling and what she’s thinking even before she utters it. If she is about to sneeze, he’d get a tissue ready. He can tell if she is hungry or sleepy with one glance. She can do the same, so they sorta have this weird understanding of each other. Jack is this older brother figure Augustus loves. He won’t admit it, but he kinda wants to make Jack proud of him. He also wants to provide love and care to Jack that he thinks he deserves but never got. They’re his family now and he’ll never be alone or sad again. He annoys Jack a lot but behind it all, he just wants Jack to think he is needed and he belongs. That if he thinks Augustus is reliant on him, then he has this family he has to protect and care for. He can’t stand the thought of Jack feeling unloved, forgotten, alone. Tida is another one. There’s this great respect and adoration Gus has for him. Almost like he looks up to him in some ways He also has a lot of hopes and expectations attached. He feels Tida is everything that Gus himself lacks. He is the ideal boyfriend, kindest person, shows his emotions vividly, and is like a warm and cozy blanket personified. He is probably Tida and Aurora’s biggest supporter and first one to know. He can’t be happier than he is that Aurora found someone as good and perfect as Tida. Taewon is one really fun character. Their two-way frenemy jealousy spans over years and started in Cambridge when they were both in love with the same girl they claimed to be best friends with. Though, trying to be calm, Augustus was constantly provoked and hurt, made to feel inferior and constantly in fear of his relationship being broken by Taewon’s schemes that he couldn’t say out loud. This dark period ended with a fist fight and baggage of guilt they both carry to this day for hurting each other and the one they claimed to love. Today, they’re way past that and frenemies who have funny quips and arguments for each other. They say they dislike each other. But if the lighting is good, one would be the photographer of the other. Q9 : What gives you inspiration to write your muse ? A9 : Music helps me imagine scenes with perfect visual details. Any scenes from shows that remind me of my storylines. Q10 : How long did this take you to complete ? A10 : I don’t remember. It was many days and I didn’t count because it was in bits and pieces.

#╰ ♛ 𝐌𝐄𝐓𝐀 ━━ the king of gods #long post #i finally did this!

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surveys-at-your-service · 3 years

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Survey #328

okay i’m going the fuck to bed now. @_@

Have you ever worn fake eyelashes? No; the only time I ever will will possibly be my wedding, if even then. Could you possibly write a successful novel? I think I'm capable, but I don't believe it will happen. Who’s the last person you video-chatted with? My therapy group via Zoom. Do ski lifts make you nervous or do you like them? Never been in one, but they seem cool. Have you ever had dandruff? I have dandruff AND a dry scalp. Nice combo. Do you think sleeve tattoos look trashy? Please explain to me how ANY tattoo inherently equates to being "trashy." I actually love sleeve tats. Have you ever gone through a phase of crushing on EVERYONE? No. I experienced a few crushes my freshman year of high school, but they weren't just anybody. If you had to get a portrait tattoo, who would it be of? I may or may not get a tattoo of Darkiplier doing his i c o n i c debut smile somewhere, but idk. I already have one tattoo related to Mark and would kill for another with his handwriting, so having three would be a bit... wild, haha. Do you have any stickers on any of your electronic devices? No. Do you like the smell of men’s colognes better than woman’s perfumes? Usually. Can you remember what you last clapped for? Yes; everyone in group clapped for one of the women taking a big step against her agoraphobia. Is your hair damaged? No, it's actually super healthy. Are you in charge of cleaning anything in your household? The litterbox and my room in general. Ever carved/written anything on a park bench? No. Most interesting place you’ve ever visited? Chicago was a big shock to me. I am FAR from used to cities that incredible and stocked. Do you keep your eyebrows more thick or thin? I don't groom them, so they're on the thicker end. Do you always wear a bra? Not at home and if there's no company. Do your shoulder blades protrude? No. Have you ever won on one of those grabber machine things? Yeah, a few times. Are you gonna French kiss your hubby at your wedding? Who says I'm marrying a man? But whatever, no. Keep that behind closed doors. How many bananas have you ever eaten in a row? No more than two. I usually don't even have two. Have you ever had sex outside? No. Have you ever been outside naked? No. Have you ever been in a shrubbery maze? No. You ever like someone who liked you back, but didn’t want a relationship?: That's pretty much where I'm at now. Have you ever fallen for someone who didn’t feel the same? No. Are you financially stable? No. Mom can barely afford rent right now; I had to pay it last month with gifted money. Are you emotionally stable? hunny Do you think kids these days are growing up too quickly? I kinda think so, yeah. It's funny how different kids are now compared to when I was whatever age they are. I try to be open-minded about it, though; times change, and I don't expect my generation to be the only "right" way to have grown up. I just think kids are chasing the power of "maturity" with much more vigor. Are you a rebel? Not really. Do you like when people use proper grammar on the Internet? Yeah. I like conversing with people who type just how they talk, like me. Have you ever driven or been a passenger on a motorcycle? Neither. I don't want to ride one. Do you use standard time, or 24 hour time? Standard time. Do you enjoy NASCAR? "HE'S MAKIN ANOTHER LEFT TURRRRRRN!" Lol no, I really don't. Who is the most fascinating person you’ve met? Probably Sara, honestly. What amazing adventures have you been on? What's this "adventure" you speak of? What would you do if had enough money to not need a job? Lots of traveling with my camera, still selling art anyway. What TV series do you keep coming back to and re-watching? None. What would your perfect vacation look like? Y'know, one of those glass dome ceiling cabin... things in the mountains with Sara would be so, SO cool. So much nature for us to explore. What are some obscure things that you are or were really into? Most of my interests honestly, haha. The strangest is probably "vulture culture," in which the remains (typically the bones) of a naturally deceased wild animal are basically recycled for some sort of artistic purpose. You could consider my roadkill photography an example. What are some things everyone should try at least once? I dunno, man. Depends on what you're into. What would your perfect morning be like? Cuddles with an s/o watching some funny videos or something like that to get in some morning laughter. What are you always game for? Video games, haha. What do you do to unwind? Watch YouTube. What’s your favorite piece of furniture you’ve ever owned? I don't have a fave. What would be the best city to live in? I don't want to live in a city. What would you like to know more about, but haven’t had the time to look into it? Time isn't an issue; I just haven't. There's lots of stuff. I'm a very curious person. How have you changed from when you were in high school? I'm less depressed, but more confused, scared, and much less motivated. Imagine a chicken wandering around with its head chopped off. Where is the most fun place around where you live? Nothing, really... Where would your friends or family be most surprised to find you? Like, a strip club or something. What’s expensive but totally worth it? This depends on what's important to you. For me, a quality DSLR camera. When do you feel most out of place? Whenever I'm some place fancy. What’s the most recent thing you’ve done for the first time? No idea. What small seemingly insignificant decision had a massive impact on your life? Accepting Jason's friend request on Facebook because I thought it was a different Jason I actually knew. What did you do last summer? Nothing, just stayed indoors trying not to melt into a sizzling puddle. What are you most grateful for? My mom. What’s the most essential part of a friendship? Trust, maybe. When was the last time you walked for more than an hour? Many, many years ago when I used to walk outside for hours with my iPod. All modesty aside, what are you better at than 90% of people? It doesn’t have to be useful or serious, it can be something ridiculous. 90% is a lot, man. Maybe bonding with animals? What’s the strangest phone conversation you’ve ever had? I don’t know. What do you like but are kind of embarrassed to admit? If I'm embarrassed by it, I have no interest in sharing it. What skill or ability have you always wanted to learn? Even just a smidge of social skills. What’s the best meal you’ve ever had? Probably the spicy shrimp fritas at Olive Garden. I adore those sooooooooo so much. Where was your favorite place to go when you were a kid? The zoo. We didn't go often at all, but I would frequently nag Mom about going. What’s something that most people haven’t done, but you have? Fed a freshly severed rat to a vulture. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ I wanna go back to that bird rescue... What says the most about a person? How they treat others. What machine or appliance in your house aggravates you the most? The dryer. It can take a few rounds to fully dry something. What places have you visited that exceeded your expectations? Chicago, that I actually remember. Disney World probably did, but I was just a little kid and only have faint memories of the trip. What’s the worst advice someone has given you? I don't know. Besides your home and your work, where do you spend most of your time? People leave their houses? What are your top 3 favorite things to talk about? Mark, meerkats, and video games. When you were a kid, what seemed like the best thing about being a grown up? No one could tell me no for "stupid" reasons. What’s the strangest way you’ve become friends with someone? Strange way? I haven't got a clue. What’s your favorite band NAME (not necessarily your favorite band)? Maybe Cradle of Filth. Badass metal name. There are a lot of good ones, though. What’s your favorite thing to do outdoors? Take pictures of flowers or animals. How often do you dance? Silly/ironic dancing counts. Essentially never. Who besides your parents taught you the most about life? Jason, I guess. What’s been the most significant plot twist in your own life? The breakup that I thought was physically impossible, entirely unfathomable. Where did you take family vacations to when you were younger? We didn't really go on vacations. If you could instantly receive a Ph.D. in any discipline including all the knowledge and experience that goes along with it, what would your Ph.D. be in? Biology. What are the top three social situations you try to avoid most? Anywhere where I have to speak publicly; parties/get-togethers involving people I don't know; anywhere that is extremely crowded. Just social situations in general, really... What friendship you’ve had has impacted you the most? My friendship with Sara. What’s something you’re interested in that most people wouldn’t expect? Uhhh I don't know, really. What’s the hardest you’ve worked for something? My recovery from the breakup. What took you way too long to figure out? The only person who had any right to control my happiness and will to live was myself. What nicknames have you had throughout your life? If you include online ones as well, there's Britt, Britt-Britt, Twinkie, Bee, Flower, Ruby, Mozart2, Ozz(y), Alessa, and uhhh... I wanna say that's it? What do you do differently than most people? I deconstruct my breakfast biscuits to eat one part at a time... haha. Where’s the last place you’d ever go? Prison. What fact floored you when you heard it? That my dad did some hard drugs before us kids were born. I was entirely speechless. Have you ever watched a needle go into your own skin? Yeah, it doesn't bother me. Have you ever spent more than two weeks in a wheelchair? No. Does weed smell good? Or no? Ugh, no. It smells awful. Do you blow dry your hair or do you let it air out? Air dry. Do you catch lizards? No; I don't like the idea of catching wild animals just to pick up and check out. That poor critter is terrified. I'd rather just take pictures of it and let it go about its day. Would you rather get a big tattoo or small tattoo? I want my next tattoo to be a big'n. How many pills do you take every morning? I absolutely do not want to count. A whole lot. What was the last parade you went to? /shrug What theme would you choose for a baby’s nursery? If I was hypothetically having kids, let's see. A son, absolutely dinosaurs. A daughter, maybe meadowy with baby animals. My baby blanket was full of baby animals, so it'd be kinda cute, that connection. What color would you paint a baby girl’s nursery? Not because of gender norms, but by personal choice, pastel pink. Does your first crush know that he/she was your first crush? No. What is the last thing you missed out on that you wanted to go to? Hm. Who do you wish were your best friend? I am perfectly happy with who already is my best friend. Who do you wish you could go on another date with? She knows. Who was the last friend of yours to have a baby, and what’s the baby’s name? I'm not sure, but my high school friend Megan is due to have her daughter Persephone soon! She won the naming game. Like damn, how badass would it feel for your name to be Persephone. Do you have a favorite M&M? Just the classic ones. Is it easy to make you cry? OHHHHH YES IT IS. Have you ever snuck out? Nah. Who was the last person to comment you? On Facebook? My friend Lyndsey commented on a photo I shared. What song reminds you of being in middle school? "All Signs Point to Lauderdale" by A Day To Remember is the anthem for going through puberty in school and trying to figure yourself out. What was the first thing you learned how to cook? Scrambled eggs. What’s something really basic that you’re terrible at? Cooking. Are you pale or tan? I'm very pale. When’s the last time you were kissed? On the lips, like two or so years ago. Do you like the movie Grease? Never seen it, actually. What’s your favorite Jim Carrey movie? The Mask, probably. What was the last baby animal you saw in the wild? I think a fawn. Have you been binge-watching any shows lately? If so, what? No. What’s the best physical feeling in the entire universe? I meeeaaan... Do you have bad anxiety? If so, do you take any kind of medication for it? Yes and yes. If you could, would you work from home? Do you think that would make you more or less productive? Well, it's complicated. I don't, but I also want to be a freelance photographer, so I kinda would. I like the idea of having an office in my house purely for productive activities to prevent becoming lazy because I'd be at home. Would you ever be an organ donor? I am one.

#survey #surveys #questions

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ailinaline · 4 years

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The Untamed: unsorted

Well... I am nothing, if not eccentric, after all. Why not publish a huge post all of a sudden? :)

The Untamed (СQL) is an abyss, and I am still falling, grasping at some scattered thoughts... that tend to arrange themselves in equally chaotic blocks of thoughts, which, in turn, multiply questions successfully.

Spoilers ahead, I guess...

The timeline of СQL is more than a little blurry, and when I try to calculate, how old Wei Ying was, when he died, I come up with the sorrowful conclusion he couldn’t be more that 21, probably younger. Which, in turn, means that the post-time-skip Sizhui is, actually, of the same age or even older than Wei Ying and Lan Wangji were, when they did a lot of things I honestly can’t imagine the new generation pulling off, even physically/magically, let alone psychologically (although I wouldn’t go as far as to call young LWJ and WWX mature - they clearly were not, and that was a huge part of the tragedy foundation, in my opinion). The young disciples are referred to as ‘children’, and they truly are. Compared to 16-17 year old LWJ and WWX, they are very, very young, inexperienced and not especially capable – while still being quite skilled and smart. And it’s both fabulous and painful to watch. Fabulous because it’s a very vivid and authentic demonstration of how exceptionally gifted LWJ and WWX are (and were); and painful because, unfortunately, not all of their greatness comes just from inborn talents.

II.

I am easily charmed by languages, but СQL, being the third Chinese dorama I have ever watched, is still the first one to so profusely tempt me to learn Chinese – in order to translate the songs and to understand the subtleties of the dialogues.

III.

I can’t get rid of the impression that the concept of rules/order breaking and punishment/atonement is fundamental for СQL (and its world). As far as I am aware, the Chinese culture does tend to be quite severe in this regard, but right now I am considering the symbolic layer of the process rather than the harm/good/efficiency of any particular method. And I wonder, whether I am imagining things or Wangji’s history of ‘transgressions’ and punishments within his sect is really openly symbolic and not merely coincidental.

My interpretation certainly lacks some special cultural insight because I can’t help being of European origin, so I read all the codes as a European would, first, and only then make an attempt to switch lenses and decipher the message, taking into account my scarce knowledge of the Chinese (and Asian) culture.

And yet...

The first time (drinking) Wangji is not only completely innocent, but also a ‘victim’ of Wei Ying’s careless (and questionable) mischief. They share the punishment (and we encounter the number 300, by the way), but Wangji is obviously (and rather fiercely) on his own here, and evidently by choice, despite Wei Ying’s sincere efforts first to exclude and then to include him. Wangji, just as obviously, truly believes he deserves the punishment – not for drinking as such, I think, but for lowering his guard and being not attentive enough: internally, he substitutes one transgression with another, and the equation works for him (actually, it might be unfair, but quite fortunate for their future relationship that Wangji blames himself or, at least, blames himself more than Wei Ying). To put it in a nutshell, for Wangji, the system and order are intact and non-contradictory: he is understandably upset, even angry, but hardly shaken, and simply intends to do better than that in the future, so to say. It’s hard to speculate, if this is Wangji’s most unpleasant experience so far or not, but in any case, the psychological pressure is minimal and reproach is rather mild (and I am really surprised, Lan Xichen didn’t find all that story highly suspicious… or was it his indirect method of showing WWX that he hadn’t been told on?..)

The copying of the rules happens after a considerable amount of… experience, if not time. And the transgression is not specified, but hinted at very heavily. I also wonder, if Lan Qiren realized an additional message he conveyed through his choice as well as through his general treatment of his nephew during that meeting: a strict reminder that, a war hero or not, LWJ is still too young to have an opinion. Wangji accepts the book of rules reverently, accepts the punishment… the word, that springs to mind is ‘habitually’: he doesn’t disregard it, per se, he doesn’t devalue the fact his uncle is not happy with him, he still wants to do better, but… there are things of greater importance to him now, and LWJ is so focused on them that he makes the request about the restricted books at the least suitable moment, really. (And I believe this dismissal does cut him rather deep.) The system still works, but the seed of the conflict is already planted.

The third episode seems pivotal in itself: we actually don’t know, what the punishment for letting WWX and the Wens go was, except for having to kneel, while being lectured, but this time this is a result of a conscious choice to do something that definitely wouldn’t be approved. And I can’t remember a single second of the screen-time, when Wangji would look repentant: conflicted, upset, slapped (when Lan Qiren mentions his mother), stressed (his uncle uses some pretty cruel techniques that border on manipulation, to my mind), but not sorry at all – not for letting the fugitives go, at least. And comparing the shades of Wangji’s silence here and on the previous occasion, this one seems somehow more determined. And closed-off. And there is no intention to do better, in regard to this transgression: the alternative he is being pushed to is unacceptable.

Kneeling again, for the whole day, in the cold, lifting a… what is it, as a matter of fact? It does look like a slightly smaller version of ‘the discipline whip’ we’ll see later, and if it is really so, then it’s beyond prophetic symbolic – it looks more like a promise on Lan Qiren’s part. :/ Anyway, my impression is that, for the first time in the series, LWJ is actively absent from the scene of his own punishment: he doesn’t reflect on it (I think he expected something like that), he also doesn’t mentally substitute one transgression with another to restore the balance (his inability to help Wei Ying is not something to atone for by kneeling). He simply endures. And thinks. And feels. Just not what he is expected and obliged to be thinking and feeling at the moment. And through all of this, Wangji is utterly, hopelessly and stoically alone and unaccepted. His concerns have been dismissed and care rejected by Wei Ying. His actions and decisions have been castigated by a significant authority figure (whom he loves and respects). If I am not mistaken, in the special edition Wangji’s loss-and-loneliness are somewhat artificially heightened through the pseudo-contrast because his moments are mixed with the moments of Wei Ying’s drinking with his new family, who values and appreciates him. (In reality their situations are just the same: they are both in anguish and feel helpless to change things they wish to change.) And, a cherry on top: we don’t know, what has been said initially, and by whom, however, we see that Wangji is released not by his uncle, but by some adept (or disciple). It might be a normal procedure, but it completes the picture of being unequivocally separated from any supportive figure and hints at a lack of closure, in a way, as there was no forgivenes-and-reconnection after the punishment.

I am struggling to verbalize, why exactly, but to me, this scene is, in a sense, more bitter than the next one, despite the circumstances.

During the next punishment Wangji is as actively present as he was absent during the previous one. And if then he was frozen in sadness, now he is all fire (fueled by grief, and guilt, and fury, and despair, yes, but fire, nonetheless). And the system and order get burned down: what Wangji re-builds during his seclusion is his very own set of rules. They do coincide with the Gusu Lan set, but not fully. And this is a point of no return because, filtered through Wangji’s own system of values, now they are more than just the elders’ lessons learned and tested – they are the only valid reference point for recognizing transgressions and ‘living with no regrets’.

(On another level, I am more than a little puzzled by several details here:

1) linguistics: do they really call this thing a discipline ‘whip’ in Chinese?

2) cultural message: as literally nothing could get in the way of filming a beating with an actual whip, the type of instrument has to make some sense, doesn’t it? (For now, I can’t think of any reason to choose this tool, though. Except the number 300 as 300 lashes are hardly survivable, even with a golden core.)

3) application: I can understand, why Wangji has his shirt on (although this is a more dangerous and torturous option: such a thin layer is no protection at all, but it will be hell to clean the wounds afterwards), but why is his hair down his back like that?..

4) consequences: the scarring looks rather odd, considering. (And again: it was definitely not a problem to paint whatever they had to, so – why?)

The only (and vague) explanation I can come up with is that the type and form of the tool is not important at all: it’s the intent and sentence that count, so the wounds and pain would be the same, even if the instrument looked like a rod or a cane. (Still doesn’t explain the hair, though.) And as for the scars, perhaps, not all of them have to stay forever, especially if the cultivator is very strong.

Well, no: unsatisfactory...)

IV.

I wonder... My first impression after watching the scene, where Lan Wangji cuts off Jin Guangyao’s arm, was that he was actually saving him from Baxia, separating Guangyao from the mark on his hand. And the only reason, why the spirit of the sword attacks Jin Ling next, are the drops of the bad/damned blood on the boy’s shoulder. But after the special edition I am not so sure.

Lacunae and plotholes (or what I subjectively perceive as such) are extremely challenging and thought-provoking in this series. Right now, I wonder about the Wens: Wen Qing clearly stated she had asked one of the clansmen to look after WWX, so not all of them were going to surrender. Could it be that they were attacked at the Burial Mounds, when seeing the siblings off, and taken away by force?

...Enough. For now.

#the untamed #lan wangji #wei wuxian #suddenly #questions and more questions #just thinking

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purplesurveys · 4 years

Text

987

survey by shamegmeg

Have you ever cut your own hair? I’ve trimmed my own bangs but that’s it. I feel like doing anything to my hair altogether on my own is too big a move and would have bigger consequences if I fuck it up (which I definitely will end up doing).

What do you eat most frequently? Meat - chicken, beef, and pork. It’s in nearly every dish we eat, if not all of them.

Are you a fan of video games? I will always find the topic interesting and I played a fair share of video games growing up, but I’m not an ultra fan of any of the most popular games right now. I do like staying updated with my favorite series like Grand Theft Auto, The Sims, Mario Kart, etc. but it’s rare that I get my hands on the console itself to play.

What's your favorite color combination? I don’t really think of any specific two colors, but I’m generally a fan of combinations of muted or pastel colors. Anything that doesn’t hurt my eyes too much.

Did you share a locker at school? We didn’t do that; we each had our own.

What's one sport you could never play? Basketball. Never understood the rules and I just never had the stamina for it. I’m also pretty competitive so I feel like I’d be pissed off and take it personally whenever somebody blocks me hahaha.

Blue or black ink? Black. I have nothing against blue though - I just like keeping pens with black ink around more.

Have you ever sang karaoke? Just once or twice. I’m not extroverted enough for it, not even when drunk. I just really hate the sound of my own singing voice, so it doesn’t help if I’m suddenly singing into a microphone.

What was the last concert you attended? Answer’s gonna be unchanged for the meantime, man...Paramore. No complaints naming them every time I’m asked this, though. Let’s hope they’ll also be the next concert I attend, as they like coming back to Manila anyway :))

Have you held anyone's hand in the past week? No.

What's your favorite perfume/body spray/cologne? I’ve used Beyoncé’s Heat Rush since high school. I’ve never gotten tired of the scent and pretty much everyone knows me by that perfume now.

How long does it take you to get ready in the morning? Before Covid, it depended on how late I’d get out of bed. If I had the energy to get up earlier, I’d devote 20-30 minutes to getting ready; but if it was a harder morning to face, I’d just take a quick 3-minute shower and wear the first things I see in my closet. These days since I just work from home, all I need to do is shower which takes no more than a few minutes.

What is the oldest age you think should wear makeup? I think anyone of any gender of any age (except babies and younger kids) of any background from any walk of life should be allowed to wear makeup...

How old were you when you went on your first date? I was 16.

What's your nationality(ies)? Filipino.

Are you an open book? I can be for the most part since there’s no harm in sharing, but there are a few things that I’m extremely protective and secretive about.

Do you think you're a good secret keeper? Yeah. I used to share secrets with Gab but that’s because she tends to forget easily, but otherwise I have no problem taking secrets with me to my grave.

Name one fashion trend you could never follow. I have never been into wedges. Too chunky-looking.

Do you prefer long hair or short hair? On me? Short. It’s easier to maintain and take care of.

When do you plan to go to sleep tonight? Depends on how tired I am by the end of the day. I did make a cup of coffee today though so the caffeine might also choose to hang out into the evening.

Has anyone besides your family seen you naked? Yes.

If so, who? Gabie.

What exotic animal would you love to have as a pet? That’s a pass for me. I don’t know their temperament and what they need on a normal day, so I’m really not well-equipped to keep an exotic animal as a pet and I don’t want to end up accidentally killing them or something.

Do you want kids when you're older? At this point in my life I can go with or without them.

Did your parents sign you up for anything you hated as a child? I’m definitely grateful for it now, but when I was going through ballet classes as a five year old I absolutely hated it and had no idea what I was doing there. I wish I could tell my five year old self to appreciate it more because now I think it’s pretty cute that my parents wanted me to take up ballet and enrolled me in classes.

Where's your cell phone? It’s just right beside me. It’s always right beside me, haha.

Which came first, the chicken or the egg? I’ve always been a firm supporter of the egg lol because it had to be an earlier version of the chicken that laid the egg that would ultimately hatch the chicken as we know them today. Idk though, I hate questions like this hahahaha

What are your feelings about Octomom? I don’t know anything more than the fact that she had octuplets, which is awesome and badass in itself.

Do you know of Smosh? I used to LOVE Smosh, like holy shit. I probably talked about them in my earliest surveys a decade ago; simply put I was hooked. Watched every new episode and every new Lunchtime with Smosh/Ian Is Bored video from around maybe 2010-2013 until they started adding more crew members and until their videos started to stray from the content that made them blow up in the first place. I still remember when it was Smosh and Pewdiepie vying for the highest subscriber count on YouTube, haha. Was also sad when Anthony left. Suffice it to say I’ll always hold a fondness for Smosh - Anthony and Ian were my first favorite YouTubers along with Pewdiepie.

Do you drink enough water daily? Some days I do, some days I don’t.

Is your diet healthy? When I do eat my dishes are always a good balance of meat and veggies, but I feel like me skipping most of my meals overshadows that fact and makes my overall diet not-so-healthy.

What's your favorite fruit? The only one I’ve had and not feel like gagging whenever I consume it is avocado. To an extent, tomato too.

What was your favorite Halloween costume? Going as my former best friend, Sofie.

Have you purchased any cool objects from a foreign country? I bought a few trinkets from Japan when I was there, but they were all for my loved ones and I don’t exactly remember what I bought anymore.

Are you on a laptop or a desktop computer right now? Laptop.

Where do you plan to post this survey? Tumblr, as I’ve always done in the last near-decade or so.

Do you remember anyone's number by heart? My mom’s, sister’s, and Gabie’s.

Are you a morning person or a late night owl? I’m more of a morning person lately because of work and because of the need to be chirpy by 9 AM. Being awake these days makes me sad now, so I avoid staying up late as much as I can; which means my days of being a night owl are over.

Name something you will never try in your lifetime. Coprophagia.

What do you think is your biggest flaw? I’m super competitive, which makes me the suckiest person to have friendly games with. I avoid them altogether so that I don’t end up killing the vibe of whatever crowd I’m with. I’ll own this lol.

First physical trait you notice in the sex you're attracted to? Wouldn’t say I’m automatically attracted to any sex. With everyone though, I tend to notice body language first which kiiinda counts as a physical trait.

How about personality wise? Whether they look approachable/easy to talk to or not.

Are you sick often? Almost never.

Would you rather have strep throat or an ear infection? Uh I’d rather not be sick at all hahaha.

When did you last shower? This morning, before work. We have online meetings every Monday morning, and I wanted to look fresh and clean for it.

Do you have neat handwriting? I’d say so. I get a lot of compliments about my penmanship and my friends usually call on me when they need someone with consistent and clean handwriting, so I guess must be holding my pens right.

Are you a messy or organized person? I’d say my workspaces are always organized but my personal space (car, backpack, etc) is messy.

At what age do you hope to get married? By the end of my 20s or early 30s.

Is being thin really all that great? Idk, I feel like the experience differs per person. I don’t have complaints about it for the most part, but it can get annoying when there are certain tops I’d like to wear but will never be able to pull off and thus have to leave on the rack just because my chest is flat or my overall figure is rather tiny.

Which of the seven deadly sins do you think you're most guilty of? Pride.

How much time have you spent on the computer today? 9 hours and counting. WFH is basically being on the computer all day, so that’s a big reason why I’ve racked up so many hours.

What size shoe are you? 6–7.5.

How was the weather today? The sun was out but fortunately it wasn’t all that hot for me to feel uncomfortable. I hate that it was bright all day, though. My disposition is more likely to improve if it’s cloudy and a little gloomy, haha.

Do you live above, below, or on the Equator? Above.

Do you know how to use Photoshop? I tried to play and experiment with it as a teen, but it just never made sense to me. I hate touching any kind of Adobe program.

Admit it, you're thinking about someone right now. Eh, false. I’m thinking of how much longer this survey will still be.

Where is he/she?

Where was your first job? My first internship was also at a PR agency, if that counts.

Favorite year in high school? Junior year.

East or West? As in parts of the world? East all the way, of course.

Where did your first kiss take place? On my bed.

What color do you wear most often? Probably maroon because of how many UP shirts I have.

Who was the last person you talked on the phone to? That would be my dad.

Have you ever done your own laundry? Kinda. I’ve had to wash my blanket a few times because Cooper peed on them.

Have you ever been to a night club? Yes.

Are you allergic to anything? Nope.

What's the best place you have ever eaten? Mendokoro Ramenba by a freaking mile.

Do you own a hair straightener? No. My mom does; if I ever need a straightener I just borrow hers.

Are you barefoot right now? Yep, always am when I’m at home except for the rare times I put socks on.

Are you subscribed to any magazine? No. Even when magazine subscriptions were popular I was never subscribed to any; I didn’t see the point when I could just get the new issue every month at the mall myself lol.

Puppies or kittens? Puppies.

If you had a billion dollars, where would your first investment be made? First I would probably read up on investment so that I don’t end up making decisions I’ll regret. My first agenda is to help my parents settle whatever payments they’re making at the moment, so that they don’t have to worry about any of that crap anymore.

Who is the best artist you've seen live? PARAMORE. I mean they’re artists, as in plural, but still.

Any major plans coming up this week? Keep myself alive.

Did you know they never told you Arnold's last name in Hey, Arnold? Never realized that but I don’t really care too much, considering I was never into the show.

Would you rather watch a romantic comedy or watch a thrilling horror movie? Romantic comedy, as long as it’s one I’ve already seen and enjoyed, like Love Actually or The Proposal. Most other romcoms are too cheesy and suck.

How is your hair styled right now? It’s in a ponytail that’s been unchanged all day, so it’s a bit messy at this point.

Favorite person that you've talked to today? Angela.

Do you need AC right now? I’m good. It’s a little chilly tonight, so yay.

Do more people call you by a nickname or your first name? My first name is already my nickname - most people just call me Robyn. At home, though, I’m usually called a shortened version of my name.

Name something you're proud of. I confided in Angela today that I’m finally starting to think of seeing a therapist. Which I think is such a big realization to have and a big choice to have made. So yay me. Let’s hope I actually push through with it, and let’s hope I’m able to land a job soon so I can finally fucking afford to see one.

Are you a hopeless romantic? I never knew what this meant and I don’t feel like learning tonight.

How do you feel about couples who say 'I love you' too soon? No judgment. I don’t comment on how other couples navigate their relationship; it’s their thing.

What's the most recent favor you've done for somebody? Can’t remember.

Are you at home right now? Yep.

What did you last spend money on? Gas.

Does any accent annoy you? Stereotypical ones, like how Filipino-American stand-up comedians always try to cash in on Filipino quirks and make fun of thick Filipino accents, which makes all Filipinos look like we can’t speak English ‘properly,’ whatever properly means. Full-blooded Filipinos are so sick of that shit. We get it, the cellpown is ober der -___-

How about turn you on? None actively turn me on.

Are you wearing any jewelry? No.

Do you get along better with your mom or your dad? Dad. Easier to talk to and we share more interests.

Are you craving anything right now? Sushi.

What's worse: Crocs or Uggs? I’d go with Uggs, because Crocs actually look cute on kids so at least it suits one market lol

Do you knock before you open doors? Yep, always. I learned the habit because my mom never knocks and I quickly realized I don’t want to be that kind of person.

Do you know what a sock on the doorknob means? I think so.

Chocolate or vanilla? Chocolate.

What's your zodiac sign? Taurus.

Does Fred from Youtube annoy you? I don’t think he ever did.

#survey #surveys

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violetsystems · 4 years

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personal

I’ve been able to sleep until six the last few days. I’ve been on this miserable eight to four sleep schedule. I ordered a silent vortex coffee grinder specifically to be less annoying in this regard. Even if I could literally just grind the coffee the night before. I also bought a rug cleaner for the first time in my life. It’s amazing the things you don’t realize you need for a home let alone an office. Last night I received an email from LinkedIn asking me to weigh in on a conversation about higher education. The only public facing social networking site I really use actively I pay for. They bought a service called Linda.com years ago. It was probably the most important site to me for instructional videos. These days it is included on the platform so I spend a fair amount of time keeping my job skills plausible. I learned pretty hard the last six months that my professional network had all but evaporated. A hard thing to face when you worked with your friends for over twenty years. But people have to move on. I sometimes make decisions that seem smarter in retrospect. You could even mistake it for premonition but I just call it good judgement. I made the decision to start the process of becoming a LLC. It was pretty easy to do once you paid the four hundred dollars. There’s services out there online that will do the legal part for you. I chose VS consulting as the name which becomes real around mid December if the Secretary of State accepts it. They asked me to cut the ribbon virtually. I congratulated myself in silence but this is pretty much the first place I’ve shared the news with. My mom didn’t quite understand what I had done and my dad is an accountant. I haven’t told him yet either. I got the idea seeing some of the people who still work at my old job starting their own side businesses. Crazy to see people still employed having extra jobs in this economy. But for the most part I don’t really compare my experience to anyone’s anymore. So I just look forward. There are a lot of ways I generate income. Some of them aren’t very lucrative. I released another ep Monday. Three of my friends from across the world I never really talk to bought it immediately. It makes sense because my music is how they know me. So that’s how they keep up with me. From there, Bandcamp revenue share Friday passed with little or no fanfare. It still doesn’t change the fact I owe taxes on the income above a certain amount if I report it. We all know how the rich hate paying those taxes. And the whole world now knows that I work for a LLC on the premier professional social networking site. It’s a win win for me because I can still look for a job but I appear employed. It’s also a nice buffer in these times for your resume. In retrospect, every article I read says the end of December is a perfect time to start your own business. Mostly because January 1st allows you to start with a fresh balance sheet and good accounting. So if anything my New Year’s resolution is to be cleaner and more concise about everything. Even if the rest of society’s ethics and accountability gets muddier as COVID-19 and the election process drags on. The only things I really have to worry about this next year are documenting my spending, opening up a business checking account, and deducting business expenses. Sounds like a job to me.

There are tools you need for a job. I bought a year long subscription to Creative Cloud. I had it for free for years. I worked in a visual communications department for ten years. I saw the most amazing work every morning hung up outside my office. It inspired me to learn about print making and screen printing. I even owned Adobe stock at one point because I realized Microsoft Office wasn’t doing my resume much justice. I shudder to think how many jokes were cracked by the Workday staff over my Chanel submission. Truth is nobody called back for interviews at any of the places I applied. And this doesn’t really stop me from keeping my eyes out for a position anywhere. But if we are talking about generating income, I can do that all by myself. I can also hire people and deduct more business expenses if I felt that was an option. Which starts to get into the meat of why the job market and economy is so fucked up in America. A lot of people didn’t fall in line on a balance sheet when COVID-19 came crashing down last February. And when the fiscal year came time to start fresh, they thinned their liabilities. Companies are now thinking in quarters rather than years at this point. And small businesses like myself also have to think the same because I now owe the IRS money every three months. The accounting side of it doesn’t really bore me. I’ve done every IT role in the business pretty much over twenty years. I guess that’s why LinkedIn calls on me to offer an opinion. I’ve never had to be this hardcore about the finances. Another great reason why I spend so much time in spreadsheets aside from writing on the internet. It’s much easier to approach a professional consultant with twenty years of experience with an invoice than it is to tether them to your payroll with benefits. I’m always having to think six months ahead myself. This has an advantage to it insofar that I don’t often look back. You pay your taxes and you move on. There are many things I could do to generate income. I could make a zine and sell it quarterly on bandcamp along with shirts. I could post flyers around the neighborhood offering after christmas tech support. I could scour the net for opportunities to audit galvanized IT departments. I could do all this with more confidence if I could say I am employed. I could also hire someone to help me. But I could do none of this and deduct expenses without applying for a sole proprietorship. And truth be told I already have to claim this for the New York Stock Exchange. So if you had to put a label on what I do now it isn’t really that much different from any other business. The state’s richest men started as LLCs. They’re also the biggest pricks who pay the least taxes. Trickle down economics is a funny concept. Businesses offer jobs they deduct from their income therefore paying less to the pool. This would be fine for small income generating businesses. But Ken Griffin would say otherwise as he and other rich people benefit from this structure. They say the American Dream is owning your own business. So welcome to my personal nightmare. I hope you don’t mind me taking the itemized deductions after how I’ve been treated.

I don’t actually know how it’s going to work out. I just know I don’t want to appear unemployed while corporate America expects me to wink and make them more money. There are investments that have worked out for me as volatile as they might be. One Chinese company I invested in has made the CEO twelve times richer. I own four hundred and twenty shares of that company in a brokerage. My intent is to hold on to them for the long term possibly making someone richer at my own risk. I could short the entire next year to my heart’s content. My credit scores have gone through the roof. Nobody has had any answers for me on what to do. Nobody has coached me. I read. I think. I come up with solutions to my problems. And I put money in the right places. That doesn’t mean anything is a sure thing. Especially when my government finds it more advantageous to punish other countries while forgetting about it’s own people. I am absolutely in the dark about everything. Everything except running my own business in America. I already have income I have to report over the next three years due the CARES act. So that is income I will deduct. This is how it works here in America. You seize the means of production and you go to work. If it seems backward for me, you wouldn’t know the half. My life is so fucked up in terms of how hazy and confusing other people have made it. People invaded my life on pretenses that I can’t even begin to explain. And part of being a strong, responsible adult is engineering your way out of these problems. And for the most part, I’ve engineered myself into a fort that overlooks the CTA train. And a small portion of that fort can be written off as an office. Which in some ways if you do the math makes rent and utilities cheaper in the long run. I don’t make the rules. This is how America works. A LLC gets a tax id number. It allows you better options for retirement savings with a SEP IRA. You can apply for business accounts and waive taxes on business purchases. Even the family dollar around the corner has a sign in the window reminding me I can apply for tax free status. Maybe they’re mostly to blame for planting the idea in my head. I’m the one who made the call to apply. Nobody held my hand. You could also get audited by the IRS. And I’m sure the IRS would have to figure out how I got into this situation in the first place. Maybe they’d offer me a job. There’s other fantasies in my life I could imagine happening more than that waking nightmare. Like actually having money to retire. I could be travelling around the world cleaning up the mess mark to market accounting has left on big business. The scars on economies the rich have pock marked on the middle class. Or I could just keep generating income and be my own boss here in my kitchen. The one thing I do know is that is sexier to be confident enough to move ahead with your own plan slowly than to short a bunch of stocks disruptively and brag about it on the internet. You could call it my three year plan. Don’t ask me how bonds factor in that equation. I’m not a spy. What I am is a guy that is trying to be the solution and not the victim. And that guy doesn’t ever want to be a burden on the people I love. So that guy is going to keep doing what he does. And I’m not going to lie that you inspire me to do so. As sexy and confident as I’m born to be. <3 Tim

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in-tua-deep · 5 years

Note

consider an au where five fucks up the equations again and when he successfully transport all of them to the past he has absolutely no recollection of the future. now that theyre adults the sibs get to see five protect them live and realize that holy shit five cared for them more than they thought. so now five is like holy shit my sibs are recognizing my efforts and are visibly showing that they care and the poor boy is clueless cos???

oh man can you just picture their alarm when they realize that this is baby actually thirteen Five just like surprisedpikachu.jpg

also i’m 100% going off on my lessons learned ‘verse here so I’m gonna reference some stuff from that eyyy

They end up in the past, they’re all freaking out and Five is passed the fuck out with blood dripping from his nose and looking like death warmed over. They ended up like uhhh maybe a month after Five left the first time so they just kind of carry Five up to one of their rooms to hide him while he’s unconscious because it’s the middle of the night and thank GOD their dad doesn’t happen upon them

Vanya wakes up first and they managed to calm down that freak out and there’s a lot of hugging all around especially with Allison and Luther awkwardly apologizes for locking her up and turns the whole atmosphere awkward

“If he doesn’t wake up in a few hours I’m getting Mom” - Diego, probably

and Five blinks awake and they’re all immediately crowding him, and he swipes at them half heartedly and they’re all like “Five what the FUCK did you do can you get us back” and he’s just like “…did Dad make me jump too much again? Why am I in Klaus’s room?”

cue surprisedpikachu.jpg

They ask him what he remembers and Five is like?? Did I hit my head when I collapsed again? He swipes at his face and grimaces at the blood but doesn’t look surprised

(”What the fuck does he mean, again?” Ben hisses at Klaus towards the back of the group, “Why isn’t he freaking out more?”)

They do tell him that he brought them back from the future. They tell him everything after a quick argument about communication and the chance of him telling Dad (Five, on the bed, is unimpressed - as if he would tell Dad fucking anything he didn’t have to) so they tell him everything. They have proof as well! Because Vanya has powers

Five believes them, because the last thing he remembers is planning to time travel and he’s missing a wholeass month of memory when they locate something with the current date on it and is like “i fucking gueSS” and is probably pissed about the fact that he doesn’t remember the future tbh

and they’re all planning to camp out in Klaus’s room for the night but Five is the one who reminds them all that they’re thirteen and on a schedule now and they have to act like normal while Five tries to figure out,,, how to get his memories back he guesses? They don’t want to leave him alone and he’s really confused and like “i’ll be fine guys??” but is pretty confused at how concerned they’re being (”Your nose is still bleeding!” “i have tissues in my room for it don’t worry” “this has happened before?” “sometimes when i overexert myself, yeah”)

nobody except Five realizes that hey, they’re back and according to the rest of the world Five disappeared for a whole month. So Five doesn’t bat an eye when he arrives at breakfast and Reginald yells and demands he attend special training and everyone else is horrified. Klaus makes a snarky comment and Five practically hurls himself across the table to make a scene and cover it up by yelling something readiness to try time travel again and gets his special training time doubled

after breakfast he turns on Klaus with flashing eyes because Klaus is apparently an adult and should know better!! He literally whisper yells that thirteen-year-old Klaus knew how to keep his head the fuck down and does he want to get extra training? No! No he doesn’t! Just growling about how his siblings need to relearn the status quo or they’re going to make his job so much more difficult -

“Your job?” They ask, alarmed and confused and Klaus has wilted entirely because he’s suddenly remembering just exactly what his special training looked like (not that he ever forgot but for a moment he’d still thought he was in a world where Reginald had no power over him) but Five deflects and says he has to go to training and for fucks sake to keep their heads down and not to let Dad know that they’re hanging out with Vanya or act overly attached with each other because that’s just asking for trouble

they look confused and Five just sighs and is like “We’ll go over camera blindspots together later I guess, meet in Luther’s room”

“Hey,” someone asks, “What was Five’s special training?”

“He never talked about it,” Ben whispers back, “But sometimes he’d be hurt afterwards.”

“Fuck,” is the general sentiment shared by everyone, even though they have all 100% been hurt in this household before

They don’t see Five for the rest of the day and get progressively more antsy when he doesn’t show up at lunch or dinner until they’re all crammed into Luther’s room and there’s a blue flash and Five is on the floor gasping, there’s blood dripping on the floor and they watch in horrified silence as Five pops his thumb back into its socket with a grimace and a familiarity that alarms everyone

and without letting anyone speak, Five launches into where the cameras are, where the blindspots are, going over their daily schedules just in case his siblings have forgotten, and basically telling them that if Dad notices how attached they are to each other then he’ll do something about it “ - so keep a low profile and don’t piss him off for fuck’s sake”

“you literally purposefully pissed him off at breakfast” one of them points out

Five rolls his eyes, “if i didn’t then klaus would have gotten special training, wouldn’t he? and you know his training leaves him a fucking mess”

Klaus is all teary eyes and Five is uncomfortable and the others are just like,, hey,,,, we’re older that you, you don’t need to protect us,,,, and five rolls his eyes and is like ‘apparently i’m 58 and you guys suck just as much at self preservation as you did before you came back i though being a grownup was supposed to make you smarter but clearly you live to prove me wrong’

Five pulls some bandages out of thin air and starts wrapping his wrists with an air of practiced competence which brings attention back to them

Allison is quiet for a beat before thoughtfully saying “you know, we could just kill dad” which makes half the room choke on their own spit and the other half it kind of like you know what?? hell yeah

“We can’t kill Dad.” Five says with a confidence that says he’s thought about this before, at length, which makes everyone turn to him, “If we kill Dad then we go into the foster system and get split up, Mom and Pogo don’t have any legal existence so can’t claim guardianship. But we could… run away.”

Before anyone can say anything, Five has jumped away and a minute later he’s back with a shoebox and a hopeful look and everyone is shocked when he opens it and provides fake IDs and cash and there is literally no way Five could have gotten this box between them coming back in time and this moment which can only mean that he had this before he left the first time which has all sorts of sad implications

Klaus at the very least bursts into tears and hugs Five who frowns and looks confused as though he can’t fathom a reason why his brother would hug him over this and no one is really dry eyed, Ben 100% gets on Five’s other side to join in this hug

“I know it’s not enough money,” Five says, shifting uncomfortably as Klaus’s grip tightens, “But the IDs were expensive and in a couple of months I’ll have it back anyway - ”

“Can’t Allison just rumor him?” someone says, but Allison frowns and lets them know that Grace is programmed to do… something if Allison rumors Dad, because Allison’s rumors won’t work on her. And no one wants to hurt Grace…

“It’ll have to do” Someone says, because honestly they aren’t going to stay under the roof for a moment longer than they really have to because Ben DIED here and they already had a breakdown over his existence and Five turned up injured after training, and Klaus’s training traumatized the living fuck out of him, and there are a lot of reasons to get out of the house

why do all my recent aus end up with them running away though

BUT YEAH that’s what I have they spend like, a whole day and half in the house before deciding there is no possible way they can do this again and Five is a baby and they’ve already learned a whole lot of terrible things about their brother that no one bothered to pay enough attention to the first time because they were all dumbasses caught up in their own little worlds

just a whole bunch of teenagers on the run while Five attempts to figure out an equation to fix his memory issue (is it just repressed?? did his older self’s consciousness perish? is there a block?) while the siblings have to deal with Commission agents (when the commission can find them that is, without trackers they have to rely on field agents spotting them) as well as avoiding notice by the authorities, training Vanya, and getting food/money

(and also actually get to know each other all over again, because future them weren’t close and clearly they’ve never really known Five)

just a good family adventure with occasional murder and dealing with their individual traumas and issues

#oops i forgot to edit in tags #ask me #anonymous #tua #the umbrella academy #tua aus #seriously i'm a sucker for running away storylines #they deserve better #memory mishap au

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missnmikaelson-main · 5 years

Text

The Forgotten Chapter 2

Catch up on Chapter 1 if you missed it here.

Elena shifted from one foot to the other, eyeing the busy street. There were people everywhere which she found strange, given the hour. She had reset her watch to the correct time with Kol’s help so a glance at her wrist that it was nearing three in the morning.

“Does this city ever sleep?” She leaned back from the gate until she was concealed in the cemetery shadows. A shiver raced down her spine, but sheer will power kept her from trembling; she had dressed for a mild afternoon in late autumn with a light winter coat, not for a freezing winter night.

“The city was built around the supernatural,” Astrid stepped into the light that poured through the gates from a nearby lamppost. There were shadows under her heavy eyes. “Witches, vampires, and werewolves conduct most of their business at night.”

“Embracing the cliché,” Elena exhaled. She glanced back through the gates, crossing her arms.

“What’s a cliché?” Mary Alice frowned. “It sounds French.”

Elena wished that she had her cell phone – and that it worked – so she could look up common phrases for the year. She was going to have to watch everything she said so she didn’t draw unwanted attention to herself, but these three knew she was not from their time.

“A cliché is what we call something that’s overused like uh…” Elena’s eyes narrowed as she thought. “Vampires sleep in coffins, or all witches have warts. It could also refer to a phrase like ‘only time will tell’, or ‘actions speak louder than words’.”

Mary Alice nodded once before running her eyes over Elena from head to toe and motioning to the street.

“You are going to stick out like a sore thumb.”

A giggle bubbled up in her throat. She caught their questioning looks and swallowed her laughter.

“Sorry,” she cleared her throat, “another cliché, but,” she looked down at her clothes, “right in this case.”

“You’ll need proper clothes if you’re going to blend in and remain off of Klaus’ ‘radar’,” Mary Alice ran her eyes over Elena again. Her mouth twisted around the unfamiliar word. “I understood your meaning, but I’m afraid the word is unknown to me. What is radar?”

“It’s a radio system used to detect ships, and airplanes and other stuff,” she explained, waving her hand in a small circle close to her body, “by sending out pulses of electromagnetic waves that reflect back off the object to the source of the pulse. It was developed during the Second World War, but where I’m from we use ‘radar’ to talk about avoiding someone’s attention; like right now I need to avoid everyone’s radar.”

“I’ve a way to avoid detection,” Kol slipped his heavy coat off, draping it over Elena’s shoulders. His hand lingered on her arm for a moment longer than necessary.

“I don’t think a coat is going to help,” Astrid clicked her tongue.

“Of course it won’t,” he released a deep sigh, “the coat is because she is freezing.” His eyes flickered over her pale features and lips that were nearly blue.

Elena shifted on her heels to follow the retreat of his hand and the warmth that came from his body heat; she had been certain her discomfort was well hidden.

“Thank you,” she cleared her throat. She caught a look from Mary Alice and took a small step away from him. “What’s your plan, Kol?”

Somewhere in the back of her mind she registered the fact that she was meant to wait for leave before calling someone by their given name, but he hadn’t corrected her once over the last few hours, and besides if he was going to call her ‘darling’ and ‘love’ and ‘Elena’ then she would call him ‘Kol’.

“Do you suffer from motion sickness, darling?”

Elena shook her head. “I’ll be fine.”

“Good,” he turned towards the witches, “until tomorrow evening, ladies.”

Elena knew it was coming but she still gasped when he swept her up with an arm behind her back and one under her knees. Her hands were around his neck instinctively. She hid her face under his jaw, squeezing her eyes shut when he moved and the wind rushed around them both.

She counted to forty-seven before the air stopped racing around her. She was used to being moved at vampire speed, but she was pretty sure he had left a few internal organs behind in the cemetery.

++++

Astrid bent at the waist and picked up the silver coin that had fallen from Elena’s pocket when Kol had lifted her. She squinted at the fine print etched into the metal that intoned the year as 1987. She only looked up when Mary Alice whispered the question.

“Did she say ‘Second World War’?”

“That’s what I heard,” she murmured.

“When was the first?”

++++

Elena drew in a deep breath in the hopes that it would prepare her body to support her weight again and found her senses washed in his cologne. The intoxicating smell made her head swim.

“Are you alright, darling?” He placed her on her feet, steadying her with his hands on her hips. “Are you going to be ill?”

She gripped his arms, sucking in another breath; she could still smell him but the space between them meant the air she breathed cleared her head.

“I’m okay, promise,” she smiled. “I’m just cold.”

“A hot shower will do wonders,” he motioned toward the stairs. “They’re not overly common so if you need help to start it…”

Kol trailed off when he caught sight of her shaking shoulders. “What is so funny, darling?”

Elena followed him into a guest bedroom and watched him light a kerosene lamp.

“Showers are pretty common in the future,” she took off his coat and handed it over, “I should be able to work it just fine.”

“Okay,” he nodded, “I’ll fetch you something to sleep in.”

“Thank you, Kol,” she started towards the attached bathroom but paused. “Am I going to run into any of your siblings?”

“No, darling,” he smirked. “I find it’s better for family relations when I don’t live with them.”

She nodded and slipped into the bathroom. There was a closet along a wall where she found everything she would need. She set her towel on the counter and placed the toiletries in the shower before stripping down and stepping inside.

Metal pipes curved over the porcelain that curled around her body. She stared at the knobs for a few minutes until her entire body trembled before finally starting the shower.

There was a sharp hiss and a sudden spray.

She yelped. The water was cold. It began to heat up when the door burst open.

“Are you alright?”

She poked her head out from the curtain and found Kol’s concerned face a few inches from her. She swallowed and adjusted the curtain an inch so only her face was visible.

“Fine,” steam rose behind her, “the water was really cold, but it’s warming up now.”

He left once he was sure she was fine and she stepped back into the shower. Slowly the shivers stopped. The hot water was better than anything she could have imagined so she stayed under its spray until it became cold.

When she was back in the bedroom she found a neatly folded white shirt, so after drying off she located her underwear and let the shirt fall over her body. The material shifted around her knees as she slipped between the sheets.

She had the foresight to run the comb he had left through her hair before turning off the lamp, burrowing into the blankets and succumbing to sleep.

++++

His hand flew over the page leaving behind a series of symbols and complex equations. He needed to find the right balance of elements so the spell would work. The plan was ingenious, but for it to succeed everything needed to be perfect; he had never missed his magic more.

He leaned back in his chair and observed the sunlight as it danced over the back of his hand, warming the skin. Nine hundred years earlier he could have drawn on its power to fuel his own and enact his vengeance on his brother, but that was then. Nine hundred years ago he had held no ill will towards his brother.

The sound of bare feet on the stairs drew his eyes up. He could hear the heart as she drew closer to the study.

It was possible that she was the key to winning the war and creating a safe city for the future generations of magic; that was the argument he planned on giving to Mary Alice anyway. He got the strong sense that she disliked the young doppelganger, but he knew Elena could be useful. Just as he knew she was hiding something; it had not escaped his notice when she skirted around certain topics.

She was distrustful of him, but he chose to believe that she would reveal her secrets in time; it wasn’t as if she was going to vanish into thin air.

He had every intention of asking her further questions about the future, but the words flew from his head when she leaned in the door frame.

“Good morning,” she blinked, looking at him sleepily.

His heart skipped a beat. “I think you mean afternoon, darling,” he smirked.

Kol tilted his head when she bit her lower lip. He couldn’t stop his eyes from sliding down the length of her body. A dark green shirt clung to the soft curves of her torso with a few open buttons revealing the shadow between the swell of her breasts. The undershirt covered the top portion of an even darker material that wrapped around her thighs and calves before flaring open to hand over the tops of her bare feet.

He was no stranger to the female figure, but seeing the clear shape of a woman outside the context of the bedroom was a little jarring.

“Is this,” he nodded to her legs, “common attire where you come from?”

“Fairly normal,” her left eyebrow shot up, ‘it’s actually really conservative. I could have vanished in a crowd wearing this, and now I can’t go outside.”

He carefully capped his fountain pen and placed it on the table before standing up and sauntering towards her. He stopped a few inches in front of her, dragging his eyes from her painted toes to her eyes.

“If you wish to blend in,” he smirked, “you’ll do better without the trousers, darling.”

“Less than twenty-four hours and you’re already trying to get me out of my pants,” she smirked, tilting her head. A flush stained her cheeks a moment later. “I’m sorry, that was so inappropriate.”

“You need not censor your words around me, darling,” his mouth twitched up, “I know where you’ve come from, and I’m beginning to sense that whatever time it was is far more… open than this one.”

He backed up a step when she nodded and lifted a small bundle from a leather chair.

“I left this morning and stole a few things from my sister,” he placed the stack in her hands. “Why don’t you put these on and I’ll fix you a late breakfast? Then we’ll go out and get you some clothes of your own.”

“I won’t be in 1914 that long,” her forehead creased. “Why can’t I just wear these?”

“Aside from the fact that Rebekah will notice the theft?” He lowered his eyes to her hands. “The fit will be off. You are taller that her and your figure is different.”

He cleared his throat and lifted his eyes, biting down the desire he felt to tuck the loose curls behind her ears.

“Even if the dress was a perfect fit, and she was unlikely to notice we would still need to go out because you require shoes,” he cocked an eyebrow. “Don’t woman love shopping?”

“Kind of loses the appeal when it’s a necessity,” she gave him a small grin.

His heart skipped a beat.

“I’ll go and change. Will my own shoes work for now?”

“They’ll have to do,” he teased. “I’ll meet you in the kitchen.”

++++

Elena tilted her head and examined her appearance in the fold out mirrors, starting at her feet. There was a slight curve to the low heeled shoe before the grey stockings that covered her legs. She could only see the first inch above her ankles before the bell of a violet skirt that flared out before tapering in at her waist. A gold cloth belt separated the top of the dress from the bottom. The sleeves were a sheer purple that revealed a hint of skin without baring her arms to the public.

“This doesn’t seem right,” she chewed her bottom lip. Her voice was low, but she knew Kol had no problem hearing her on the other side of the curtain.

“Are you decent, love?”

Her lips curled up in a slow smile. The first time she had uttered those words he had stepped inside and found her holding the sides of the white corset that was starting to slip. She’d had the great pleasure of watching his cheeks colour at the knowledge that she had not been speaking to him, but the attendant who had been trying to adjust the laces. He had left pretty quickly after that and then it had been her turn to blush when Valerie had whispered in her ear.

“Your husband embarrasses easily.”

She nearly chocked on her tongue. Valerie’s next words had Elena blushing.

“If you wish to truly shock him you should try the newest lingerie from Paris,” her breath was hot on Elena’s neck, “I assure you the brassiere is quite scandalous in addition to being comfortable.”

“I’m not in the market for scandal,” Elena looked down, “but you had me at comfort. I’m willing to try anything that doesn’t permanently alter the shape of my body.”

She wasn’t sure how to react to Valerie’s assumption since to her it seemed the only reasonable explanation for why he would burst into her dressing room.

“I promise all of my undergarments are covered,” she stifled her giggle when she caught Valerie’s smirk in the mirror.

“What doesn’t seem right then, darling?” He stepped into the large dressing room. His dark eyes danced over the purple dress. “You don’t like it?”

“It’s not that,” Elena met his eyes in the mirror, “it’s just so different than what I’ve seen everyone else wearing… almost everyone else,” she glanced at Valerie; her grey skirt was cut in a similar style.

“I assure you darling,” he moved closer and reached out to smooth the white collar, “everyone else lacks a sense of high fashion.”

“Flared skirts are the newest thing,” Valerie added with a grin. “I hear overseas they are calling it the war crinoline.”

Kol read the confusion in Elena’s eyes before a flicker of realization took over. He cleared his threat and turned to Valerie giving her a charming smile.

“I trust you have my wife’s measurements on file now.”

“Yes, sir,” she smiled.

“Wonderful,” he smirked, “would you be kind enough to gather everything up? She’ll need an assortment of skirts, blouses, dresses, and underthings. Would you prefer to wear this one out, darling? You do look ravishing.”

Elena managed a small nod and Kol turned his attention back to Valerie.

“All of the required accessories and shoes to match as well thank you Valerie.”

“Right away.”

Valerie left them alone and Elena turned around with her hands on her hips. The small podium and curved heels made her a few inches taller than him, so she cocked an eyebrow and look down into his laughing eyes.

“Your wife?”

“You let that one go first,” he teased. “Did you select the newest hosiery from Paris? Is it as comfortable as Valerie claimed?”

“Extremely,” she smiled.

“And scandalous?” He grinned suggestively, eyes flickering to her chest. The look was just long enough that she noticed.

“Wouldn’t you like to know?” She smirked, rolling her shoulders back. “Could you help me down, I’m scared I’ll trip over the edge.”

She was hoping for a steadying hand, but he surprised her by taking her waist and lifting her from her perch. Her skirt swayed around her calves when she was on the ground.

“Where can I find Valerie?” She lowered her hands from his shoulders.

“She is packaging our purchases and sending them to the address I gave her lovely co-worker, why?”

“Because I don’t need that much stuff.”

“You should have a selection,” Kol kept his hands on her hips to stop her from racing off. “And it’s already done.”

Elena shook her head and sighed. She spoke slowly, making sure her words were perfectly chosen; the last thing she wanted to do was offend an Original.

“While that’s very kind, and generous, it’s too much. I won’t be here that long, right? I don’t need that much stuff, and I don’t want you wasting your money on me.”

“Elena,” he saw the surprise when he used her name, “I have been accumulating wealth for nine centuries with no reason to spend it, so I assure you I am not wasting anything. Now come with me.”

She let him tuck her hand into the crook of his elbow and lead her back onto the sales floor. Her features twisted into a frown when he brought her to a stop in front of a rack of heavy wool.

“Don’t argue with me on this one, darling,” he patted her hand. “It’s December and you need a coat. Which do you like?”

She wanted to argue, but as far as the coat went he had a point and her eyes were drawn to a bright red material.

“That’s a lovely choice,” he followed her gaze. Reaching out he took the jacket from the hanger and held it out so she could slide her arms in the sleeves.

Elena admired her reflection in a nearby mirror for a moment, but then shook her head.

“It’s beautiful, but too bright. Somebody might notice and recognize me.”

“It would be impossible not to notice you, darling,” he heard her heart skip a beat and smiled, “but I promise that nobody will recognize you.”

Her brows lowered in confusion.

“Look at your hand,” he murmured, coming up behind her.

She was confused but complied. Her right hand was bare, but there was a ring on her left hand with a small piece of pyrite on the band.

“As long as you wear that nobody will remember your face, except for me,” he held out his hand to reveal a matching ring. “I wouldn’t want to lose you in a crowd.”

“Mary Alice?”

“Somebody else,” he shook his head. “I have several witches in the city. The rings were spelled by Freya.”

“Oh, okay,” she nodded as if she knew who that was so supposed to be. “When did you put this on me?”

“When we walked in the store,” he smirked. “You’re not unobservant darling; you’ve just been surrounded by yards of fabric.”

++++

Elena spun the gold band around her index finger; the pyrite had long since lost the power it had once held, but she had never been able to let the trinket go. It had been the first step towards trust between them; the first time she had believed he would really hide her from Klaus.

“Okay.”

Elena pressed her lips together to hide her smirk; it was no easy feat since the person to break the silence was Caroline. She turned on her heel to face her friend.

“You gotta tell us something,” Caroline grabbed Elena’s arms. There was no need since she had stopped her quick walk down the street. “How’d you get inside that tomb? Why are your clothes so shabby? Where’d you get the ring and necklace? Who the heck is this guy?”

Elena wrapped her hands around Caroline’s elbows and met her friend’s eyes.

“Caroline, I will tell you everything, I promise,” she took a deep breath, “but first I have to go in here and talk to Marcel, okay?”

Caroline followed her nod to the building. There was an ornate ‘m’ above a curled serpent encased in a shield. She licked her lips and moved to follow, but stopped and narrowed her eyes.

“Did you just compel me?” She tilted her head.

Elena sighed and turned back around to face the blonde again.

“I may possess the ability to compel you Caroline, but I swear to you that I did not and that I never will. Do you believe me?”

“I do,” Bonnie breathed. She saw Caroline nod and glanced at Thierry before focusing on Elena. “Let’s get this done and then we can go home. Ten hours in a car should be lots of time to talk over everything.”

Elena nodded in agreement and turned to the gates. She pushed the iron open and moved inside with fire in her eyes. Thunder rumbled in the distance in time with the click of her heels.

Two dozen vampires turned to look at her when she entered with varying degrees of surprise, but only one of them registered recognition when he saw her face.

“Well, well, well,” he leaned over the balcony with his hands on the railing, “Elena Gilbert. I was starting to think I’d never see you again.”

“Clearly,” she glared up at him. “What’s this I hear about witches being attacked for their practice?”

“What’s this I hear about you compelling me boy, here?” He tilted his head towards Diego.

“Your boy attacked my friend,” Elena cocked an eyebrow. “Now Marcel,” she smiled, “I’m starting to think you’re not happy to see me.”

“You’re one of my oldest friends,” he grinned, “I’m overjoyed to see you.”

“Yet you outlawed magic despite knowing I would be waking soon through the aid of magic,” Elena stepped closer and tipped her head back. Marcel was a floor above her and wearing a cocky grin, but she didn’t feel small.

“I’ve been busy running my city,” his smile fell slightly.

“We’ve got to talk,” she rolled her shoulders back, “about the Harvest, the witches and the future of our city.”

She heard the whispers behind her between Caroline and Bonnie along with Thierry’s quiet assurance that all would be explained in due time. From the balcony another whisper stared; it was hot and angry, and directed at her friends.

“Perhaps we should talk somewhere more private,” Marcel cleared his throat.

Elena nodded, but stood her ground when he descended the stairs. She could feel the tension rolling from the courtyard in waves so thick it would have knocked a lesser person over. Her eyes flitted from unknown face to unknown face before addressing the room as a whole.

“I don’t know who you are, where you came from, or what you are doing in my home, and I get the sense that none of you know of me,” she saw a few quick nods and smiled the sweetest smile she had, “and that is fine. Right now I don’t care to know about you, and there is only one thing you need to know about me.”

Her smile morphed before their eyes into a dark expression that had every vampire with the exception of Caroline and Thierry tugging at collars that were suddenly too constricting. She pointed to her friends and spoke slowly to ensure each syllable sank in.

“If either of my friends, or my son, is harmed while I’m gone I will redecorate my home with the offenders and made Klaus Mikaelson look like a golden retriever.”

Marcel tried to speak but found his throat dry. He swallowed and tried again.

“They – uh… they don’t know who Klaus is.”

Elena’s eyes narrowed as she turned to face him.

“Let me see if I’ve got this straight? You made a gang out of infants who have never heard of the Originals, who pretty much built New Orleans from the mud.” She leaned closer and whispered in a voice that was meant to carry. “Do you call yourselves the lollipop guild?”

“I’m sure T, or one of your friends can explain,” he reached for her elbow.

“I remember the way.”

Tags: @elejahforever @elejah-wonderland @eternityunicorn @morsmornte @fandomrulesall @xanderling @kol-and-elena-fanfiction @geekofmanyforms @cry-btch

#kol mikaelson #elena gilbert #mary alice claire #astrid malchance #caroline forbes #bonnie bennett #marcel gerard #thierry vanchure #the vampire diaries #the originals #the forgotten fanfic

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moonlit-maiden · 5 years

Text

11/again!

tagged by @kaatiba again~! Thank you so much <3<3<3 Please check her out guys, she's wonderful and uber talented!

What is the biggest change that’s occurred so far with your WIP?

Well Gali became Disaster Bi so I consider that an improvement over Just a Trash Mess when my friend played her so.... XD But in seriousness, I'd say the 3rd book. For a long time I struggled with how I'd end it. It came super slow but luckily as I pinned down the first 2 books is came to me finally. I was very very stressed over it.

Was writing something you eventually picked up or was it something you’ve always wanted to do?

A friend of mine in 7th grade English was writing her own story (as 12 year old girls do) and she turned to me one day and said "You should write. You'd be amazing at it, you read so much!" I'd never considered how books came to be until that moment. So I started writing! So it kinda just... happened.

Any fandom related things that inspired your work?

Not really. I actually actively avoid fandom. I tend to have Controversial opinions on Things and even back in my youth (bitchyouarenotoldbutokay) people would NOT be happy and chase me out. So I've kinda always done my own thing. Floated on the edges of fandoms for books and video games I love. That's all.

Do you use face-claims?

Generally no. I always have in my mind how they look and rarely does a face claim match up. Chernolo is one of the few exceptions. I had a vauge idea for him, found a pic of it to-be face claim and it clicked. I'm pretty sure he was going "That's how I look mom. That. Nothing else will do." Tenshi I already knew how he looked. When I stumbled across his FC I was genuinely startled it was so eerie!

What is your main issue with the books you dislike?

8D Who has 2 hours? For everyone's sanity here be the highlights:

Women are only strong if they're masculine, reject traditionalism or refuse to be in love. This is bullshit. Stop it.

Stupid male characters in order to "empower" the female character. Stop it.

Homosexual love and romance being treated as something different then heterosexual romance. It's the same thing; love. Stop it.

Killing off parents. Stop it 8D

Making parents stupid and uninvolved. Stop it. 8D

Making siblings horrible or absent all the time. Stop it. 8D

Not drawing inspiration from non-Western mythos/lore. Expand your horizons.

Shoving in diversity just because. Stop it. Either write it in to start with or don't bother.

Making the villain dumb and predictable. I'm not scared by that.

Either sexualizing only the guys or only the girls. Stop that; equal fanservice if you're gonna do that nonsense.

Equating love to sex. They are not mutually exclusive. Stop it. 8D

Making daughters hate their fathers. Stop it.

Toning down scars, trauma and torture experienced by female characters despite it being applicable to the situation (such as being in a war, being a fighter). Stop it. 8D

Making authority evil. This is boring and untrue.

No chemistry between love interests. Better no romance then poor chemistry PLEASE. And yes, this applies to gay romance too. Being gay doesn't automatically make the romance interesting.

Being afraid of having religion in your work. PUT IT IN THERE YOU COWARDS!

Mary Sues/Gary Stus. Yes, they exist. And NO it's not when the character is OP. It's when the whole world bends to the will of the character to the point of ridiculousness. THAT is what a Mary Sue/Gary Stu is. OP characters just run a higher risk of falling in here if not handled well.

Not showing friendship between boys without it being homoerotic. Please don't put your fetish into the book and just show guys giving a shit about one another and caring.

Villainizing mothers. PLEASE STOP IT.

Promoting HeroxVillian pairings that are abusive/toxic. Stop. Hard. It's nasty.

I got lots more but we'd be here all day.

What message do you hope to deliver with your WIP?

Lol, like the above we'd be here all day. So here are the highlights.

Do not be afraid to ask for help.

Love in unbelievably powerful in all it's forms

You parents try VERY hard to raise you. Cut them slack and forgive them for their mistakes.

Women can be strong no matter what path they choose.

Racism is horrible, degrading and demeaning. And no, it doesn't matter who's doing it to which race. It's not an excuse.

The line between a hero and a villain is paper-thin.

Reality is huge and strange and terrifying.

If it's not human, don't trying to put human logic onto it.

Learn to forgive. Your own hatred will kill you.

Don't give up on a dream, even when the world is telling you to stop.

We always want what we don't have. Learn to take comfort in your own skills and beauty.

It's okay not to know your path when you're young. As long as you keep looking around.

It's okay to like the pre-laid out path your family/parents recommend. Don't feel ashamed if it feels right.

Consensual polyamourous marriage should be legalized.

You both make your own fate and are bound by it. It's a messy look with no start or end.

Stories are powerful.

Love is at the core of all motivation.

The world is not what it seems.

Favorite song to write to, if any?

sljd my music taste is so all over it's stupid. I've literally listened to Baby Metal while writing romance/smut scenes. There is no logic here. The only consistent is Lo-Fi/Vaporwave/Future Funk playlists.

Do you have the ending plotted out? If so, can you remember when you came up with it?

Yes, thank gods. I think it happened in 2017/2018, near the end of my brainstorming.

What is your strongest point in your writing?

Worldbuilding, character relationships, horror and smut. One of these things is not like the other.

What do you do when writer’s block rears its ugly head?

Okay. I'mma be real here. I don't GET writer's block. I legit don't. But I DO get "lazy brain". I'm sit out 20-30k words in a couple weeks and then my brain will check tf out for a few months. Rinse and repeat. This is a bad way of writing things. don't do it.

Would you travel to research your wip?

*packs bags* So who's paying for my trip to Hong Kong, Tokyo and Seol?

tagging: @the-ichor-of-ruination, @ivonoris, @ikilledmyocs and anyone else who wants to do it!!!

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befitandchase · 5 years

Text

I hate Mother’s Day

I don’t want to take away from the fact that there are so many wonderful mothers out there.

But this is my experience and maybe some of you share this feeling with me.

My mother wasn’t, and still isn’t, a very accepting person. Being flayed open last weekend just added salt to an already infected wound, one that I’ve been suffering from for a very long time.

My mother didn’t love me in a way that made me feel like I was even loved at all. She was cold and didn’t mince her words. She was also very opinionated. I was always on the receiving end of triads that ended with me feeling like I was absolutely worthless in her eyes.

I know I’ve probably mentioned this before, but the only thing I equate with my mother is her endless need for the “perfect” family, meaning that her daughters had to be thin and dress pretty and find a good man to marry.

I flew in the face of that from very early on. I ended up as the only girl in my entire generation with the fat genes. Ever since I was little, I remember her being overly concerned about my weight. There were endless diets she’d put me on, but instead of losing weight, I gained it. And I kept gaining it, which made her angry.

When the diets didn’t work, she became mentally and emotionally abusive. And the things she said to me so early on in life have stuck with me to this day. “Nobody’s gonna love a fat girl.”

To this day, I equate people’s opinions of me with how fat I am. To this day, I’ve never put any effort into my appearance. I don’t wear makeup. I don’t dress pretty. And I stuff my face with food because that’s what I equate with love. I’m at my heaviest right now, close to or even over 300lbs. And I can’t bring myself to care because nobody’s gonna love a fat girl.

Don’t think I haven’t tried to get past that. I have. I’ve gone on dates that I’ve inadvertently sabotaged because I didn’t feel worthy enough. I’ve tried dieting and exercising and was doing well for a couple of years before life came crashing down so spectacularly that it left me unable to get back up and try again. I still get breathless and anxious just thinking about where my life could have gone had things not bottomed out in 2013.

And now there’s the whole issue of my sexuality. I think that’s the straw that finally broke this camel’s back because I’ve retreated so far into myself since last week that my only coping mechanism has been reading fanfic. I haven’t watched tv. I haven’t really socialized. I’ve only gone out once, and that was yesterday because I had no desire to stay home.

Of course my mother didn’t take that very well. Of course she’s confused. Of course she thinks her life is over because her daughter is some sick freak. And of course she’s threatened to disown me if I dared to marry another woman.

I feel so very lost now. I feel like my life is at a point where things can’t get any worse. I feel even less loved than I was before. I feel like my worthlessness really does depend on how I look, and there’s a part of me that doesn’t care because why should I? There’s also a part of me screaming at the top of her lungs, trying to get me to stop acting like a spiteful bitch and start taking better care of myself because my life depends on it.

And yet, the part of me that always wins out is the part of me that remembers nobody’s gonna love a fat girl.

And that, my friends, is the reason why I hate Mother’s Day.

#mother’s day #fatphonia #biphobia #my life is a mess

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meta-shadowsong · 5 years

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On Force-Sensitivity Demographics

AKA: Exactly How Many Force-Sensitive People Are in the Galaxy; and Is This Genetic?

This is something I think about from time to time--I’m not sure exactly why now is one of those times, except that I set up this blog not too long ago and therefore was reading back through some old metas I’d written/bookmarked/etc.

Anyway, since it has been on my mind, I figured I’d go ahead and get my thoughts on the matter into some kind of coherent format!

And said thoughts basically boil down to one big ol’ shrug emoji, because I don’t think there’s enough information to say for sure.

Let’s start with the first question--how many Force-sensitive people are in the Galaxy?

So, the main evidence we have for any type of discussion on this subject is the size of the Jedi Order, which is stated to be roughly 10,000 beings as of the fall of the Republic. But there are a couple problems with extrapolating from that number.

First, who exactly does that 10,000 estimate include? Is it every Jedi currently known to be alive according to Temple records? Is it all active Jedi Knights/Masters/Padawans? Is it limited to full Jedi who have passed their Trials? Does it include retired Masters? Younglings and initiates?

Second, even if we take it as the most inclusive number possible (i.e., every living member of the Jedi Order from Master Yoda down to the three-month old that got brought in the day before the end), that’s not necessarily an accurate barometer for the percentage of Force-sensitives in the general population. For one thing, there are entire populations that are outliers (i.e., Dathomir, which seems to have a higher percentage than the galactic average, to the point where I kind of think it’s some kind of genius locus/an entire planet of people who are sensitive to a perceptible degree), and we don’t know how many of those/how sizeable they are.

With that in mind, using just the Jedi Order is probably not super-accurate to the galaxy as a whole. See above, re: Dathomir; not to mention other populations such as the Bardotta and Lasat that seem to have strong native traditions and generally don’t send their children to the Temple. Also, given that there’s a gradient/some level of variation in terms of raw strength/natural ability above whatever threshold the Jedi consider the minimum for induction into the Order, there probably is below it, too. Meaning, there’s most likely an unknown population of people who are perceptibly more sensitive than Joe Average, even if they don’t quite meet the Order’s standard, whatever that may be. I mean, you could view Force-sensitivity as a simple on/off switch, with…IDK…varying brightness in the bulbs once they’re turned on, but that seems weird/doesn’t really hold up for me. Especially given that, at least in Legends, certain species (such as the Iktotchi, IIRC) have a higher baseline level of Force-sensitivity than Humans do. Granted, the gradient issue is probably more relevant to the second half of this discussion (on possible heredity), rather than broad population estimates, because at some point a line has to be drawn; still, I thought it best to mention it.

Third, even if we exclude populations like Dathomiri/Bardotta/Lasat and people who are sensitive enough to Do Things, but not necessarily above whatever threshold the Jedi require, that 10,000 is still probably not a great sample, because it’s fairly limited. It consists of people who were a) born in the Republic and/or found by a wandering Jedi within the appropriate age range, whatever that may be, and b) had parents who were willing to give them up for adoption. I’ve touched on this before but the highlights: we don’t know how many letter B excludes, but even letter A probably doesn’t catch all the eligible people within that parameter.

And I can say this because of Palpatine.

Based on his background, coming from a sector capital (if a relatively rural/minor one) and born to parents who had a fair amount of personal resources, it’s hard to believe that he wouldn’t be identified. I mean, yes, one explanation is a handwaved because Destiny said so/the Son chose his champion and made sure he would be found by the correct teacher, but it’s just as likely that there are kids, even from highly visible populations, who slip through the cracks--let alone children from less visible populations. Especially since, to my knowledge, there’s not actually a whole lot of information out there on exactly how candidates for the Order are identified, so it’s hard to say how many people, like Palpatine, slipped through the cracks.

Now, to be fair, I don’t know if this possible increase in the numbers of Force-sensitives makes a significant difference in terms of the percentage they make up of the overall population, given the sheer size of the galaxy. But that just brings me to question #2, because I think it does mean that determining whether Force-sensitivity is genetic is really, really hard to determine.

Again, since most of our information comes from the Jedi Order, we’re dealing with a potentially skewed/small/nonrepresentative sample size of people who, generally speaking, do not have biological children. In addition, we don’t actually know a whole lot about who more than, like, a hundred or so of those ten thousand are? Of whom we do see one set of cousins (if I’m remembering current canon about Adi Gallia and Stass Allie correctly) and one sibling pair (from the Order 66 arc in Clone Wars; though they are twins, which by common laws/tropes of Fantasy Genetics makes things Special/weird/more likely to be magic/Force-sensitive).

Anyway, that evidence is not the greatest for making broad generalizations. Basically, we can extrapolate that you don’t have to have (Jedi-level) Force-sensitive parents to be Force-sensitive yourself. Meaning, the ability itself can turn up as a completely spontaneous mutation, so to speak--which, while not the best term, is the one I’m going to use from here on out for convenience.

But that doesn’t necessarily say anything about the likelihood of a Force-sensitive parent passing on said mutation and having a Force-sensitive child.

And that, we really can’t answer definitively, since the only people whose bloodlines we can track that are known to contain multiple Force-sensitives are the Skywalkers (who are outliers adn should not be counted) and Maul and his brothers (who are Dathomiri and thus, as discussed above, most likely a Special Case).

So here, we enter Wild Headcanon territory.

That disclaimer aside, my personal take on the heredity question, is that the more sensitive you are, the higher your chances of producing a Force-sensitive child. So, for example (and pulling numbers out of thin air), Joe Average has a 1/20 chance of having a Force-sensitive baby through a spontaneous mutation; the average Jedi Knight or someone with the equivalent level of potential has a 50/50 chance of passing it on; someone on Palpatine or Yoda’s level has maybe a 3/4 chance; and of course Anakin’s children will be Force-sensitive regardless (but, again, outlier/Life Incarnate/I’m pretty sure the main reason it took three years to conceive the twins was that he and Padme were both using like five kinds of birth control and also didn’t actually have all that many opportunities to sleep together--buuuuuut that is a discussion for a separate post).

Anyway, this still means that Joe Average could have five Force-sensitive kids in a row and a Jedi-level Force adept could have five kids and none of them are sensitive, because these probabilities are for each individual child. In essence, while rare, it is possible to roll a die and get, say, five straight nat ones (as D&D players will probably know); and it’s…actually more likely than that to flip a coin and get tails five times in a row, according to my vague memory of high school math and how to calculate probabilities.

[Tangentially, this explains Korkie in my head, since he seems to be either Force-null or somewhere on that sliding scale between zero and the Jedi threshold. Because I do headcanon him as Obi-Wan and Satine’s biological son (though I think Bo-Katan is legally his mother; but that’s something planned for my fic blog rather than here); and the cointoss turned up tails.]

And this is just the most basic, surface-level analysis, without even considering the impact of the second bioparent in the equation (not that I think this fits neatly into a Punnett square or anything), or what happens if you’re dealing with a Force-null child of a Force-sensitive parent; or varying probabilities depending on where the nominally non-sensitive parent falls on that sliding scale I keep mentioning…but most of that would be well beyond my half-remembered high-school bio/math understanding of probability and genetics soooo yeah.

In conclusion--with regard to the questions of how many Force-sensitives there in the galaxy; and even more so whether or not Force-sensitivity is at all genetic, the answer is ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ because there isn’t enough information to say for sure one way or the other.

(Note: it probably also bears mentioning, re: the heredity question, that families in the GFFA seem to run fairly small? Like, I can only think of one confirmed example of a family with more than two kids in canon (Maul and his brothers; who are Dathomiri and therefore possibly not a good example for determining Force heredity) and one possible one (Satine, Bo-Katan, and a possible third sibling; though to my knowledge that has never been 100% confirmed/made explicit, and neither of the two we know for sure exist are Force-sensitive). Everyone else I’m coming up with is either an only child or one of two siblings, or not specified. I can’t even think of all that many in Legends, though there are a few more there. To be fair, we don’t actually have a very broad sample of families, either, so… ¯\_(ツ)_/¯)

#star wars #fandom #originally posted june 2019

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lordnegan · 5 years

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A very, very long muse info meme thing

Tagged by: No one!

Tagging: @twiicetheheart @boltxnbastard @ancientandforevcr @safetydoesntexist @YOU! Do this and say I tagged you!

( all of these answers are based off of my twd verse )

BODY AND APPEARANCE

1. DESCRIBE THE CHARACTER’S HEIGHT AND BUILD. IS HE HEAVYSET, THIN, SHORT, RANGY? —-Negan is 6′1″ / has a pretty average build and is thin/slender. 2. HOW OLD IS HE? —-48. 3. DESCRIBE HIS POSTURE. DOES HE CARRY HIMSELF WELL OR DOES HE SLOUCH? —-Carries himself strongly and with squared shoulders. 4. HOW IS HIS HEALTH? IS HE FIT OR OUT OF SHAPE? ANY ILLNESSES OR CONDITIONS? ANY PHYSICAL DISABILITIES? —-Other than issues with not being fertile, Negan is in top physical health with no physical disabilities. He is quite physically fit as well. 5. HOW DOES HE MOVE? IS HE CLUMSY, GRACEFUL, TENSE, FLUID? —-Moves with an air of confidence and certainty, a cocky swagger with a walk that tells everyone around him that he owns every bit of ground he walks on. Very “alpha male”. 6. HOW ATTRACTIVE IS THIS CHARACTER PHYSICALLY? HOW DOES HE PERCEIVE HIMSELF IN THE MIRROR? —-VERY physically attractive and he knows this fact well.

7. DESCRIBE HIS COMPLEXION. DARK, LIGHT, CLEAR, SCARRED? —-Light and fair complexion. 8. DESCRIBE HIS HAIR: COLOR, TEXTURE, STYLE. —-Black with flecks of greying at the scalp; his beard is more salt than pepper at this point. 9. WHAT COLOR ARE HIS EYES? —-A dark and intense hazel. 10. DOES THE CHARACTER HAVE ANY OTHER NOTEWORTHY FEATURES? —-Negan has a scar on the right side of his face, between his temple and his cheek. Also has a few tattoos on his arms. 11. WHAT ARE HIS CHIEF TENSION CENTERS? —-In his hands and shoulders. 12. WHAT IS THE CHARACTER’S WARDROBE LIKE? CASUAL, DRESSY, UTILITARIAN? BRIGHT COLORS, PASTELS, NEUTRALS? IS IT VARIED, OR DOES HE HAVE SIX OF THE SAME SUIT? —-Leather boots; always some form of darker jeans with a plain t-shirt; t-shirt is usually a lighter color but he does wear greys and even blacks from time to time. Over top of it, his well known and weathered leather jacket. Rarely, if ever, deviates from this style. 13. DO HIS CLOTHES FIT WELL? DOES HE SEEM COMFORTABLE IN THEM? —-His clothes fit well enough, though not entirely form fitting; a little loose without losing his shape in them. 14. DOES HE DRESS THE SAME ON THE JOB AS HE DOES IN HIS FREE TIME? IF NOT, WHAT ARE THE DIFFERENCES? —-Incredibly rare to ever see him without his leather jacket, but can be known to go without his jacket for short bits of time. 15. YOU KNEW IT WAS COMING: BOXERS, BRIEFS OR COMMANDO? —-Boxer shorts.

SPEECH

1. WHAT DOES THIS CHARACTER’S VOICE SOUND LIKE? HIGH-PITCHED, DEEP, HOARSE? —-Deep and bassy and hoarse. 2. HOW DOES HE NORMALLY SPEAK? LOUD, SOFT, FAST, EVENLY? DOES HE TALK EASILY, OR DOES HE HESITATE? —-Depends upon who he’s addressing, but usually he takes his time speaking and speaks through a hoarse and quiet tone. Words come to Negan very easily and he never hesitates or stutters on anything he says. 3. DOES THE CHARACTER HAVE A DISTINCT ACCENT OR DIALECT? ANY INDIVIDUAL QUIRKS OF PRONUNCIATION? ANY, LIKE, YOU KNOW, VERBAL TICS? —-Negan’s accent is vaguely southern and he doesn’t tend to have any kind of verbal tiks or quirks (other than cursing a lot). 4. WHAT LANGUAGE/S DOES HE SPEAK, AND WITH HOW MUCH FLUENCY? —-Really only knows English but has probably picked up a little on Spanish from school, but nothing substantial in the least. 5. DOES HE SWITCH LANGUAGES OR DIALECTS IN CERTAIN SITUATIONS? —-Nope, sticks to what he knows. 6. IS HE A GOOD IMPROMPTU SPEAKER, OR DOES HE HAVE TO THINK ABOUT HIS WORDS? —-VERY good at being well spoken on the spot and seems to always know exactly the thing to say in any situation right away. 7. IS HE ELOQUENT OR INARTICULATE? UNDER WHAT CIRCUMSTANCES MIGHT THIS CHANGE? —-He’s eloquent in his own vile sort of cursing way. Even in dangerous, life threatening situations, he retains his eloquent and well spoken nature.

MENTAL AND EMOTIONAL

1. HOW INTELLIGENT IS THIS CHARACTER? IS HE BOOK-SMART OR STREET-SMART? —-Negan is blessed to have both book and street smarts. Both are exactly what brought him to being a strong leader and keeps him on top. 2. DOES HE THINK ON HIS FEET, OR DOES HE NEED TIME TO DELIBERATE? —-Is very capable of doing both, but he tends to succeed more when he has time to deliberate and form a plan that he can enact in a coordinated way. 3. DESCRIBE THE CHARACTER’S THOUGHT PROCESS. IS HE MORE LOGICAL, OR MORE INTUITIVE? IDEALISTIC OR PRACTICAL? —-Negan meets all these criteria as it largely depends upon the situation. He’s a very adaptable thinker, taking in all the angles he sees for consideration and going from there. However, he tends to go for a more practical approach with a mix of logic and intuition (though it is HIS logic and intuition he relies on, which can be seen as backwards and cruel). 4. WHAT KIND OF EDUCATION HAS THE CHARACTER HAD? —-A bachelors degree in physical education. 5. WHAT ARE HIS AREAS OF EXPERTISE? WHAT, IF ANYTHING, IS HE INTERESTED IN LEARNING MORE ABOUT? —-Due to his extensive schooling in physical education, he knows how to train bodies to be physically fit, knows the endurance of the human body, and everything in between. He also thinks certain scientific things are pretty interesting, though doesn’t have the time nor enough interest to pursue learning more about these things. 6. IS HE AN INTROVERT OR AN EXTROVERT? —-Very, VERY big extrovert. 7. DESCRIBE THE CHARACTER’S TEMPERAMENT. IS HE EVEN-TEMPERED OR DOES HE HAVE MOOD SWINGS? CHEERFUL OR MELANCHOLY? LAID-BACK OR DRIVEN? —-Generally, Negan tends to be even-tempered, having a level head that keeps him calm. However, he can be prone to certain outbursts of anger when he’s pushed too far and can act out verbally and physically. Even through these bursts of anger, he’s able to pull himself back and reassert his collected demeanor. Most times his anger is quiet and holds a sense of forebode. 8. HOW DOES HE RESPOND TO NEW PEOPLE OR SITUATIONS? IS HE SUSPICIOUS, RELAXED, TIMID, ENTHUSIASTIC? —-When it comes to new people and new things, he’s pretty eager to jump at the chance to learn about the place/people/thing. He also appears wholly comfortable in any new situation. 9. IS HE MORE LIKELY TO ACT, OR TO REACT? —-Definitely act but that won’t stop him from reacting (and quite boldly at that). 10. WHICH IS HIS DEFAULT: FIGHT OR FLIGHT? —-Fight but if there is an option to run away from a situation that looks grim, he will absolutely do so to save his own hide. 11. DESCRIBE THE CHARACTER’S SENSE OF HUMOR. DOES HE APPRECIATE JOKES? PUNS? GALLOWS HUMOR? BATHROOM HUMOR? PRANKS? —-Negan loves, loves, LOVES making terrible jokes, usually at the expense of others. In fact, he finds they’re better if they are at the expense of others, if only to get them to lighten up or to even unnerve them with his sense of humor. Which his humor tends to be grim and poking at harsh truths around him. 12. DOES THE CHARACTER HAVE ANY DIAGNOSABLE MENTAL DISORDERS? IF YES, HOW DOES HE DEAL WITH THEM? —-Negan has a lot of behaviors of having an antisocial personality disorder and comes close to checking off a lot of symptoms of being psychopathic, but not completely for both. Clearly has some repressed emotions and unaddressed grief regarding his late wife Lucille, whom he couldn’t put down and holds a lot of guilt over. From that, he probably still has some lingering PTSD and is projecting some of that onto his bat, Lucille, by having the weapon somehow fill that void of his wife. 13. WHAT MOMENTS IN THIS CHARACTER’S LIFE HAVE DEFINED HIM AS A PERSON? —-Losing his parents, being diagnosed as infertile, losing his wife Lucille to cancer, and rising through the ranks to become the leader of the Saviors. 14. WHAT DOES HE FEAR? —-Loneliness. Being completely and utterly alone with no one. 15. WHAT ARE HIS HOPES OR ASPIRATIONS? —-To lead his people into a prosperous future where he’ll continue to lead them, protecting and providing for his people, and aspiring to rebuild civilization with his own set of rules and ideals. 16. WHAT IS SOMETHING HE DOESN’T WANT ANYONE TO FIND OUT ABOUT HIM? —-That he does fear being entirely alone and that he worries about losing control. Also that, without his bat Lucille, he feels incomplete.

RELATIONSHIPS

1. DESCRIBE THIS CHARACTER’S RELATIONSHIP WITH HIS PARENTS. —-His relationship with his mother was a good and loving one, whereas his father was slightly abusive and neglectful. Both are deceased, however. 2. DOES THE CHARACTER HAVE ANY SIBLINGS? WHAT IS/WAS THEIR RELATIONSHIP LIKE? —-No siblings, he was an only child. 3. ARE THERE OTHER BLOOD RELATIVES TO WHOM HE IS CLOSE? ARE THERE ONES HE CAN’T STAND? —-None that he was close to as he grew up with a slightly estranged uncle after his parents died. 4. ARE THERE OTHER, UNRELATED PEOPLE WHOM HE CONSIDERS PART OF HIS FAMILY? WHAT ARE HIS RELATIONSHIPS WITH THEM? —-None at this point. 5. WHO IS/WAS THE CHARACTER’S BEST FRIEND? HOW DID THEY MEET? —-His best friend was Lucille, growing incredibly close to her even before they married. However, nowadays, he doesn’t consider anyone a true best friend. Those around him he trusts he simply sees as those working for him, though he would tease them about being his best friend in jest. 7. DOES HE MAKE FRIENDS EASILY, OR DOES HE HAVE TROUBLE GETTING ALONG WITH PEOPLE? —-He can be a very agreeable man with people, really preferring things to be fair, though his habit of making sure others know he’s on top can bring tension into the equation. 8. WHICH DOES HE CONSIDER MORE IMPORTANT: FAMILY OR FRIENDS? —-Neither, really, as he doesn’t exactly see himself as truly having either. 9. IS THE CHARACTER SINGLE, MARRIED, DIVORCED, WIDOWED? HAS HE BEEN MARRIED MORE THAN ONCE? —-Legitimately widowed and only truly married once. Currently has about 7 “wives”. 10. IS HE CURRENTLY IN A ROMANTIC RELATIONSHIP WITH SOMEONE OTHER THAN A SPOUSE? —-The relationship with his “wives” tends to be more physical than romantic and he hasn’t been romantic with anyone since he lost his wife, Lucille. 11. WHO WAS HIS FIRST CRUSH? WHO IS HIS LATEST? —-His first crush was on a classmate when he was in elementary school. His latest is @twiicetheheart (though it’s more of an infatuation than a crush). 12. WHAT DOES HE LOOK FOR IN A ROMANTIC PARTNER? —-It would take a lot of trust and understanding and moving past all the layers he’s emotionally built up around himself to get to the point he’d be looking for any kind of romantic partner. He has a lot of baggage and uncertainty when it comes to opening himself up like that. 13. DOES THE CHARACTER HAVE CHILDREN? GRANDCHILDREN? IF YES, HOW DOES HE RELATE TO THEM? IF NO, DOES HE WANT ANY? —-He’s wanted children for as long as he can remember but the news of his infertility began to drive him away from Lucille and drove a rift between their marriage. Because of his infertility, he has no children though he wishes he had them. 14. DOES HE HAVE ANY RIVALS OR ENEMIES? —-Oh yes. Yes he does. 15. WHAT IS THE CHARACTER’S SEXUAL ORIENTATION? WHERE DOES HE FALL ON THE KINSEY SCALE? —-Negan considers himself bisexual with a heavy preference for women. On the Kinsey Scale, he falls under “heterosexual, more than incidental homosexual tendencies. 16. HOW DOES HE FEEL ABOUT SEX? HOW IMPORTANT IS IT TO HIM? —-He really, really enjoys sex and finds it a good release for his tensions but is only into it if his partner wants it as well. 17. WHAT ARE HIS TURN-ONS? TURN-OFFS? WEIRD BEDROOM HABITS? —-He loves being in control in the bedroom, though he can find when a partner is a little more controlling/feisty, that gets him going as well. Hates the feeling of condoms so very rarely, if ever, uses them.

BELIEFS

1. DO YOU KNOW YOUR CHARACTER’S ASTROLOGICAL (ZODIAC OF CHOICE) SIGN? HOW WELL DOES HE FIT TYPE? —-Negan is an Aries and fits the type very well. 2. IS THIS CHARACTER RELIGIOUS, SPIRITUAL, BOTH, OR NEITHER? HOW IMPORTANT ARE THESE ELEMENTS IN HIS LIFE? —-He was vaguely raised Christian, but finds that he’s more an atheist. He believes more in the material world than anything else. 3. DOES THIS CHARACTER HAVE A PERSONAL CODE OF MORALS OR ETHICS? IF SO, HOW DID THAT BEGIN? WHAT WOULD IT TAKE TO COMPROMISE IT? —-Negan believes that the strong should lead and always look after and protect those weaker than them, though some of his behaviors are contradictory to this ideal he holds. He is also vehemently against rape, believing it to be a very savage act and warranting immediate death. He’s always held these beliefs, even before the world began to fall, but those beliefs came out much stronger than before once societal rules were no longer in place. 4. HOW DOES HE REGARD BELIEFS THAT DIFFER FROM HIS? IS HE TOLERANT, INTOLERANT, CURIOUS, INDIFFERENT? —-There’s a strange sort of curiosity in those that have different beliefs than him, almost like he tries to understand why they believe the way they do, but when it comes down to his hard and clear cut rules, he is wholly intolerant of them. For example, if someone follows a specific religion, he’s surprisingly tolerant and genuinely curious. But if someone believes blatant and senseless murder is fine, he is entirely and vehemently intolerant. 5. WHAT PREJUDICES DOES HE HOLD? ARE THEY IRRATIONAL OR DOES HE HAVE A GOOD REASON FOR THEM? —-Only prejudices he holds are those against people who have wrong him in ways he perceives to be wrong.

DAILY LIFE

1. WHAT IS THE CHARACTER’S FINANCIAL SITUATION? IS HE RICH, POOR, COMFORTABLE, IN DEBT? —-Being the leader of the Saviors, he has barely any need or want for anything as he can get whatever he’d like in a moment’s notice.

2. WHAT IS HIS SOCIAL STATUS? HAS THIS CHANGED OVER TIME, AND IF SO, HOW HAS THE CHANGE AFFECTED HIM? —-Again, he is at the top of the social ladder, his whims and desires being what guides him.

3. WHERE DOES HE LIVE? HOUSE, APARTMENT, TRAILER? IS HIS HOME HIS CASTLE OR JUST A PLACE TO CRASH? WHAT CONDITION IS IT IN? DOES HE SHARE IT WITH OTHERS? —-Lives in a cozy, nicely furnished, and comfortable room within an old, abandoned warehouse called the Sanctuary.

4. BESIDES THE BASIC NECESSITIES, WHAT DOES HE SPEND HIS MONEY ON? —-Negan has no need for money but has an abundance of supplies that he uses for himself, first and foremost, but also allows a lot of it to go to his people.

5. WHAT DOES HE DO FOR A LIVING? IS HE GOOD AT IT? DOES HE ENJOY IT, OR WOULD HE RATHER BE DOING SOMETHING ELSE? —-He loves leading his people and being in charge, being able to tell people what is or isn’t okay or allowed and wouldn’t have it any other way.

6. WHAT ARE HIS INTERESTS OR HOBBIES? HOW DOES HE SPEND HIS FREE TIME? —-Negan actually really enjoys reading to pass his downtime or spending some time with his wives.

7. WHAT ARE HIS EATING HABITS? DOES HE SKIP MEALS, EAT OUT, DRINK ALCOHOL, AVOID CERTAIN FOODS? —-He eats at least a couple meals a day, only the best foods out of which has been grown/found. He likes casually drinking alcohol, though tends to avoid growing drunk off of the substance as it reminds him of his father too much.

ASSOCIATIONS

WHICH OF THE FOLLOWING DO YOU ASSOCIATE WITH THE CHARACTER, OR WHICH IS HIS FAVORITE:

1. COLOR? —-Red. 2. SMELL? —-Leather/cologne musk 3. TIME OF DAY? —-Night. 4. SEASON? —-Fall. 5. BOOK? —-Lord of the Flies. 6. MUSIC? —-80′s rock/alternative. 7. PLACE? —-The Sanctuary. 8. SUBSTANCE? —-Whiskey. 9. ANIMAL? —-Panther.

(x)

#♚ ᴏᴜᴛ ᴏғ ғᴜᴄᴋɪɴɢ ғᴜᴄᴋs [ ooc. ]#♚ ᴛʜᴀᴛ's ᴊᴜsᴛ ᴛʜᴇ ᴡᴀʏ ɪ ʀᴏʟʟ [ headcanon. ]#♚ ʏᴏᴜ ᴅᴏɴ'ᴛ sᴄᴀʀᴇ ᴇᴀsʏ. ɪ ʟᴏᴠᴇ ᴛʜᴀᴛ! [ about. ]#( this certainly took...... )#( a while )#( hope this is what you were looking for anon lol )#( also feel free to just )#( ask for headcanons )#( because hell i love doing specific headcanons )

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kurtty-drabbles · 5 years

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Su/Lovecraft au (fighting)

N/A: Venus is back and Oh boy she has a problem to solve now.

@djinmer4 @dannybagpipesarecalling

Venus is the first creation of Zaorva, well, maybe the first Herald, not even Zaorva knew what was her first creation anymore. Venus was supposed to aid Zaorva in her chores, however, the woman is anything but a fighter and Cthulu's herald knew that and in the end, Venus was useless. In the end, Venus has no other chore to do.

Why HIM didn´t eat her? Venus doesn´t know and never dare to ask. Therefore, as much Venus is not a warrior, the red hair arrives in Earth easily, in flames and in the blood(somehow, it makes her think of her own creation, Zaorva did pluck her out of the fire and her own blood) in the sand on a beach, again, this is very similar to her own creation.

It´s ironic she landed in a beach.

The animals in this planet, or to be more exact, all the species originated from this planet, noticed the woman covered in fire and lava, her primary skin and the humans are screaming in panic.

Easy to remedy this situation, at least. Changing her primary skin for the secondary, and now Venus is just a red hair wearing a loose white dress that is not hiding much. Suddenly, the panic turns into wolf whistle, much to her dismay.

(You hair is pretty, it looks like fire, the words of her master still ring in her mind. Is such a nice contrast with the water, I like it. Zaorva was never a fan of water, how ironic that she is crystal blue, well...she was.)

"Humans, don´t fear me, I came here to only bring the doomsday" some many don´t seem to register the situation or her words "Bring me the X-men"

"I´m the X-men" someone shout and it was copied by others.

"Oh, silly humans, I´m not here for games" rising her hand high she craft a small rain, a small rain of fire. "Let´s try this again, where is the X-men? Where is Kitty Pryde?"

Now the panic resurges as everyone runs away from Venus leaving the beach uninhabited as Venus begins to walk(the salt water touches her feet and the woman only shivers at that, maybe Venus never liked water either)

Fire follows her like a shadow as Venus is aimless looking and waiting for her big mission. Heralds of Zaorva, in general, avoid water at any cost, so, of course, Kitty Pryde is not here.

The West Coast Avengers show up back up by the regular Avengers. Venus only shakes her head, why waste time fighting, the end is closer, is better spent time with your loved ones.

America tries to fly and land a punch, however, Venus merely blocks her powers.

"Child, stay with your friends, stay with your girlfriend. The end is near" Venus replied as America is glued to the ground. Patsy and She-Hulk tried to attack as well. Pantsy was petrified and She-Hulk was thrown to the other side of the city.

Scarlet Witch tries her unfamous hex, it did cause some damage, moreover, the damage was quickly healed as the red hair gaze upon the Scarlet Witch.

" You knew this day would come, the end of everything, stop fighting Wanda, stay with your brother, with your sons and niece, stay with the man you love enough to bring him back. He is just a human now, stay with him...make the last days on earth pleasant, don´t make this a battlefield" Venus instructed as Wanda is no longer flying. "The end is here"

"Are you one of his Herald?" Wanda asks not daring to say his name, she may have used dark magic to bring Vision back(and making him human) but, not even this would qualify Wanda to speak the name of this Elderly God.

"No, count your blessings, If I was...you all would be dead" the Venus looks into Wanda´s mind and smiles pleased "I knew, a true herald of her wouldn´t be near water"

And with a snap of her fingers, Venus leaves the place untouched as the great heroines are defeated and impossible to counterattack. ___________________________________ Venus is not the one to be subtle, especially in this occasion, Storm sends a violent rain, and Venus admits, it´s a pain in the ass, and it made the mood sour as Venus makes a fire rain punish the weather witch(not killing) for the travesty.

"Why waste time fighting? Please, stop and enjoy the life you all have" Venus instructed as the other X-men didn´t seem to listen. "All I want to is to meet the one called Kitty Pryde," Venus asked one more time as a petite woman jumps from her hidden location and decides to attack her with the spells she knows causing little no damage.

Venus watches the woman as studying her spells. It´s a different aura in this woman, not a regular Herald, not even a half crafted one. The woman is not what Venus was expecting.

(I like that my creations are spontaneous, if I make always the same thing, it would be boring)

"Kitty Pryde!" Venus tries to speak as Kitty is using another spell, attacking, with blue eyes...the hue is a bit familiar. The spells did help her friends to take the new students to the safer house leaving Kitty and Venus alone.

"I´m here, the Avengers told us you are looking for me, are you one of his...servants??"

"God, why everyone thinks that?" Venus shakes her head"No, I serve" then she chuckles humourless "served a much greater deity, anyway, I´m here to see if you are a herald of her too, but, you don´t have the same aura as mine or the others"

"Herald? Why I would be a herald? Are you here to destroy earth too?" Kitty asked with her glowing eyes and hands and Venus steps back as this scene is too similar to be ignored.

(I´ll protect this planet, Venus, I like this one, I want to see how they will carry on)

"No, I could ever destroy a creation of Zoarva, however, HIM wants to destroy this planet and no one dares to fight HIM" Venus explained not minding if she sounds cowardly or not. No one who faces him is alive to tell how it went.

Venus didn´t realize she is shivering, until, Kitty brought it up, as the woman falls on the ground.

"I have to take you to him, he asked me and...please, don´t make go back there with empty hands" Venus pleaded. Kitty comes closer and sits next to her.

"Ok, let´s talk, I´d feel there´s something missing here, so, first tell me why,"Kitty almost used his name but no one likes when she does that, "HIM, wants to destroy the planet"

"Because...Zaorva is killed by Chtulu and HIM being the supreme leader of the intergalactic court, ruler of the Outer Gods, ordered this planet´s execution, it was here that Zaorva was killed" Venus is crying, hot tears evaporate as soon it dwell on her eyes.

"I don´t really believe in that story," Kitty said looking at Venus as she is a small toddler, it´s odd how a minute ago she is ready to fight this woman and now she wants to ease her pain. Maybe, just maybe, Bobby is right and Kitty is the big mom friend."How can anyone be sure she was killed here? Where is her body?"

"She vanishes into thin air...but she maybe didn´t die here, but, Chtuly did murder her and this planet was in the equation" Venus explained. Kitty hummed silently at that.

"And why HIM wants me?" Kitty asked and now Venus laughs weakly.

"It must be a misunderstood, he thought you were his Herald or one of his creations, but, since you don´t have the same aura as mine nor of the Elder Bairns...you are just a witch with a new set of powers, nothing more than that" Venus explained hugging herself to calm her hot tears. Kitty gaze upon Venus and then summons something.

"Is because of this?" Venus jumps into the air looking at the shield like never saw one before, and judging by the particular shield she is watching that may be true.

"You have her shield? How? where did you get it? Why did she give to you? Are you really a herald? Maybe an unfinished project...but you are so different from my aura"

"Calm down, I have questions too, ok, first, this shield is mine, I never take from any place, when my magic manifest...the shield appears as well, I was 4 years old with a shield that could be bigger than my family´s car or be at the size of my back-pack" Kitty answers "I have no clue this once belong to Zaorva, again, the shield obeys me and only me. Now, I have no clue about the Herald thing, I don´t think I´m...no one tells me what to do"Kitty jokes.

"Then how can you have her shield? When she dies the shield vanishes into thin air..."Venus explained confused at the mere sight of the shield present to her eyes.

"As I said, I don´t think she was killed here, and those little details, do matter, do the Outer Gods have trials?"

"Yes, but...HIM is the one who judges, he is scary" Venus said and Kitty nods.

"You don´t need to be afraid, in fact, you seem to be a very dedicated Herald and does not wish to destroy this planet, how about we try to solve this out?" Kitty suggested, "HIM is scary, but, the man is in love with Zaorva and sure he does not wishes to punish the wrong planet over the real culprits, right?"

(Are you afraid, Venus? Yes Don´t be, I´m with you)

"The Pheonix told us a funny story...but the Pheonix is always wrong" Venus speaks not giving more details to Kitty "be aware, you may talk to him but there´s no guarantee you may return...he´s manipulative at the best"

"I know, I saw him more than once, guess what? He does not frighten me" Then Kitty offers her hand to Venus to rose up.

"I can see what she liked this planet so much, everyone here is unique"

(Why you like earth so much? Because, everyone on this planet, is unique and special in their own way, that´s very precious to me, Venus)

#su/lovecraft au #kitty pryde #venus(marvel)#wanda did some dark magic here #doomsday is coming #this is loosely inspired in the trial episode of SU #lovecraft Kurt is not being honest #lovecraft Kurt does not know how to grieve

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