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chicgeekgirl89 · 3 years

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The Hoodie

Fandom: 911 Lone Star

Characters: Carlos Reyes, T.K. Strand, Mateo Chavez

Summary: “...hoodies are what you wear when you want to be comfortable and feel at home. So I thought you needed one, considering the circumstances.” A little post-ep for 2x13.

A/N: I found it VERY interesting that Carlos was the one in a hoodie at the end of 2x13 since hoodies are definitely a T.K. thing. Isn't it amazing how one, teeny tiny detail can be enough for me to write an entire fic?

AO3

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Carlos had been on the phone for six and a half hours. Six hours and thirty-four minutes if you were being exact. And that wasn’t including the other two hours he’d spent online, trying to search up insurance information.

There had been a long call with the arson investigator, then the insurance agent, then his bank, another hour with the arson investigator, his mortgage lender…he was exhausted.

“Hey babe!” T.K. said brightly as he and Mateo returned from their shopping trip, bags in hand. Mateo had offered to drive and T.K. had taken him up on it. It was all well and good to borrow t-shirts and sweatpants, but underwear and shoes were a whole other matter. T.K. stopped and pressed a kiss to the top of his head where was sitting at the kitchen counter.

“Hey,” Carlos said scrounging up what he hoped was a convincing smile. “Looks like you were successful.”

“We got everything,” Mateo assured him. “And I mean everything. I didn’t know T.K. was a shop until you drop kind of guy, but I think he bought out the entire men’s department at Zara. And J Crew. Honestly we kind of emptied out the whole mall.”

“Did you see the texts about tonight?” T.K. asked as he rooted through a bag from Aldo.

Carlos shook his head. He’d felt the continuous buzz of the group text as he’d slogged through his conversation with the insurance agent, but hadn’t had time to look.

“We’re hanging at the firehouse. You down?” Mateo asked.

Just the thought of it made him tired, but Carlos tried to rally. He’d fallen apart enough, it was time for him to move on, even if all he wanted to do was curl up in T.K.’s arms and cry. Again. “Yeah, sure, sounds good,” Carlos said, careful to keep his tone bright and cheerful.

T.K. shot him a quick look but didn’t say anything, so Carlos assumed he’d been successful in hiding his exhaustion. A night out with friends would be good for T.K., a distraction from all the stress of the last two days.

“Come upstairs and try some of this on,” T.K. said, gathering up all the bags.

“I’ll be up in a minute,” Carlos said. “I have a couple emails I need to send.”

It was more like half an hour than a minute because the insurance agent called back again, but eventually Carlos made his way to the guest bedroom. T.K. was standing by the bed, a new button-up hanging open as he held up and compared two belts. “That’s all yours,” he said, nodding toward a pile on Carlos’ side of the bed. “Just figure out what fits, we can take the rest back.”

Carlos was definitely not in the mood to put on a fashion show, but he took a quick look through the clothing and pulled out a polo shirt and jeans to try on. “How did the calls go today? Any progress?” T.K. asked.

Carlos sighed as he stripped off his borrowed t-shirt. “Not as much as I would like. Turns out having your home and all your worldly possessions burn up in a fire isn’t exactly the easiest insurance situation. They want copies of all the paperwork, proof that the home is burned beyond repair, a copy of the police report, the fire report, and I have to secure the site so nobody loots it. Not that there’s anything left to loot.”

T.K. had gone over in the morning with his dad and Judd to sort through some of the wreckage, while Carlos started his calls. There had been very little that was salvageable and everything that was had been sent off to be professionally cleaned. Yet another phone call Carlos had had to make.

“We’ll get it figured out,” T.K. said. “I can stay home tomorrow and help.”

Carlos shook his head. “No, it’s kind of a one person job. And my name is on everything so they probably won’t talk to you anyway.”

T.K.’s face softened as he took in Carlos’ frustration. “Are you sure you want to go tonight?”

“To hang with the 126? Yeah of course,” he said.

“Carlos…”

“I’m fine, really. It’s…just been a long day. It’ll be good to blow off some steam,” Carlos told him.

T.K. didn’t quite look convinced but he let the matter slide for the moment. “That looks good,” he said, nodding toward the polo Carlos had put on.

“Yeah, it fits fine.” Carlos reached for the next thing in the pile. “Oh, here, this must be yours,” he said, holding out a blue sweatshirt.

T.K. looked up and shook his head. “No, that’s for you.”

“You bought me a hoodie?” Carlos asked.

T.K. set down the pants he’d been refolding. “I know they’re not really your thing,” he said. “But hoodies are what you wear when you want to be comfortable and feel at home. So I thought you needed one, considering the circumstances.”

Carlos ran his fingers over the soft fabric. It was touching gesture and he felt tears prick at his eyes again for the thousandth time in the last day. “Thank you.”

T.K. smiled and nodded toward him. “You should try it on.”

Carlos slipped it over his head and pulled at it until it fit around his waist and hips. “How do I look?”

T.K. reached up and fixed a few of his mussed curls. “Hoodie hazard,” he said with a smile. “You look great.”

An hour later they headed over to the firehouse, coolers and snacks in hand. Carlos felt good, ready, maybe even a little excited to be out and put the day behind him.

But he was not prepared for how sense memory would assault him. The firehouse smelled like smoke and fire and destruction, causing his shoulders to tense immediately. And the gentle teasing about their lack of home to hang out in stabbed a sharp blade into his stomach. Marjan was just trying to make light of a bad situation, but it still hurt.

But T.K. looked so happy surrounded by his friends and his dad that Carlos couldn’t bring himself to ask to leave. Instead he smiled, sipped his beer without tasting it, laughed when it was called for, and answered any questions thrown his way. He and Paul even went a round together at the foosball table. Mostly he stayed by the counter, shifting food around, refilling bowls, getting people drinks, and just generally keeping up the pretense of being a good party host.

He thought he was doing a pretty decent job hiding it; of pretending that he didn’t feel like the walls were closing in on him with their dark, smoke stained plaster. He was trying very hard not to think about the fact that being in this space felt like being back in his burning bedroom, absolutely certain that he was about to not only die, but also lose the man he loved with all his heart.

He was rearranging the snack bowls for probably the twelfth time when he felt arms go around his waist and T.K.’s lips found his neck. “Let’s go back to my dad’s,” he murmured.

Carlos frowned and continued his very important cheeseball work. “It’s only eight o’clock.”

“But you’re tired and don’t want to be here,” T.K. said softly.

“I’m fine.”

“Carlos.” Lips pressed against his neck again. “You can say you’re not okay.”

“You’re having a good time,” Carlos tried again.

“If you’re not having fun, I’m not having fun,” T.K. told him.

Carlos turned in his arms so they were facing each other. “It’s just been a really long day and I—” he swallowed hard. “Being here is kind of like reliving the fire all over again.”

T.K.’s eyes clouded. “I am such an idiot. I’m so sorry, I didn’t even think about that.”

“It’s fine,” Carlos told him. “I’m fine. Really.”

But T.K. was already on the move. “Hey guys?” he called to the group. “Carlos and I are going to call it a night.”

“T.K. we didn’t drive,” Carlos reminded him. They’d caught a ride with Mateo since his Camaro was toast.

“You can take my car,” Owen offered.

“Yeah I’ll drive the Cap home,” Mateo volunteered as he defended his goal against Nancy.

“See?” T.K. said. “All good.”

“Who’s going to clean up the mess?” Carlos asked as T.K. tugged him toward the door.

“Any of the other five people here at the moment. Just because you never let them help doesn’t mean they’re not capable,” T.K. informed him. “Night guys!”

“Night!”

“Goodnight!”

“Drive safe!”

“Stop feeling bad,” T.K. ordered as he climbed into the driver’s seat of Owen’s car. “You’re not making me leave, I chose to leave.”

“I don’t want to pull you away from your friends.”

“They’re your friends too.”

“I know but…I just thought you needed this. To get your mind off everything.”

“The only thing on my mind is making sure you’re okay,” T.K. said as he flipped on the blinker and turned them left, streetlights ghosting over his face. “I knew something was going on. I shouldn’t have dragged you out tonight.”

“You didn’t drag me out.” Carlos shook his head. “I thought maybe it would be good for both of us. I didn’t realize…I didn’t know that being at the firehouse would make me feel this way.”

“I’m just so used to dealing with fire and smoke I didn’t even think about how it might take you back,” T.K. said. “But I should have. I’m sorry.”

Silently T.K. reached for his hand, threading their fingers together over the car’s console. The small gesture made Carlos’ throat grow tight.

They finished the drive to Owen’s in silence. The place smelled blissfully free of smoke and Carlos felt the muscles in his back loosen just a little bit. “Come here,” T.K. said, pulling him toward the couch.

Carlos ended up sitting between T.K.’s legs, back pressed against his chest as T.K. flipped on a Netflix documentary. He’d just gotten settled when T.K.’s fingers slipped inside the neckline of his hoodie. “T.K. you don’t—”

“Shh,” T.K. said softly as he began to work loose the knots in Carlos’ neck and shoulders. “Just relax.”

Slowly Carlos felt his shoulders begin to unwind, his body relaxing into T.K.’s as his boyfriends fingers dug deeply into his muscles. “Better?” T.K. asked a few minutes later.

Carlos nodded, eyes feeling heavy. “The hoodie helps too,” he mumbled.

“Yeah?” T.K. pressed a kiss to his curls.

“It feels like you,” he said, semi-aware that his words were slurring as sleep pulled at him.

He could feel T.K. smile against the top of his head. “I’m glad it’s working.”

As Carlos drifted off, sweatshirt and boyfriend cocooning his body in comfort, he felt the deep, reassuring sense of home.

#911 Lone Star #Tarlos #Carlos Reyes #T.K. Strand #Tarlos Fic #911 LS #Soft Boys #Fluffy Boys #The Hoodie

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set-phasers-to-whump · 3 years

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trust fall

prompt: “do you trust me?”

whumpee: max evans, also slightly kyle valenti

fandom: roswell new mexico

hi hi hi! this fic is set at some point this season after everybody finds out about max’s heart. i haven’t seen the last three eps (curse rnm and 911 for being on at the same time...) so idk where exactly this Can fit in but it don’t matter too much... i hope you like this!

Max wakes up shaking - or, no, that’s not quite right, to someone shaking him. He opens his eyes with a soft groan. Everything is blurry and dimly lit and his head really hurts.

“Wh’ happened?” he asks, not entirely sure of the identity of the person he’s talking to.

“The ground just...collapsed under us. It looks like we’re maybe 15 feet down,” says Kyle’s voice, and the blurry figure in front of him resolves itself into Kyle’s shape. Max gets a flash of memory - being with him, exploring in the desert, a cracking noise, waking up just now. “It looks like you hit your head. You’re bleeding a little bit.”

Max nods, because this makes sense. His head hurts and he’s pretty sure there’s something sticky running down his forehead, which he assumes is blood.

Some combination of the headache and the nodding and the feeling of blood on his face creates a sudden spike of nausea and before he can even process or react to the feeling he’s throwing up and god, that makes his headache so much worse, and then Kyle’s hand is on his shoulder and Max is apologizing and Kyle is saying not to worry, it’s okay, just take a deep breath, you’re fine. It takes a second, and then the pain in Max’s head dies down a bit and he feels like he can breathe properly again. He opens his eyes, which he doesn’t remember closing.

Kyle is looking at him with a sort of professional concern on his face that tells Max he is probably not okay. Which is something he most likely could have figured out for himself, admittedly.

He watches as Kyle rearranges himself, digging into his right pocket with his left hand and pulling out his phone. He turns on its flashlight, and suddenly their small enclosure is a lot brighter. It hurts Max’s eyes, which he promptly closes.

“Max. Hey. Open your eyes and let me get a look at you really quickly and then I’ll turn it off, okay?”

Max opens his eyes - yet again - and squints into the bright light. Kyle’s hands are gentle and sure as he touches Max’s face, turning his head gently, looking into his eyes, examining him for...something, Max is sure. What that something is, he has no idea. He just sits there and tries to keep his eyes open. Everything is blurry and bright and he can’t really see Kyle that well, but at one point he adjusts his right hand and Max thinks he sees a pained look on Kyle’s face. He isn’t sure, but then Kyle moves his hand again and audibly winces.

“What’s wrong?” Max asks, at the same time that Kyle asks, “are you dizzy?”

Neither of them answers the other’s question. Kyle repeats his before Max has the chance. “Max. Are you dizzy?”

He is. Not overwhelmingly so, but it’s there. “Yeah. Yeah, I guess. Are you okay?”

Kyle ignores his question, turning off the flashlight. “Do you have a headache?”

“Yes.”

“How’s your vision?”

“Kinda...blurry.”

“Are you nauseous?”

Max would’ve thought that one would be obvious. “Yeah.”

“Okay, you’ve almost definitely got a concussion. I’m gonna see if there’s any service down here - do you know if Michael’s around? I think we might be needing his telekinetic powers to get out of here.”

“Sure, yeah, he’s in town.”

“Great,” Kyle replies, and he turns his phone back on (sans flashlight). Max watches him as carefully as he can, watches him type slowly and carefully with the fingers of his left hand. The phone rings - it’s on speaker - and Kyle breathes a sigh of relief.

“What’s up, Valenti?”

“Michael, hey,” says Kyle. “Uhh…so Max and I are sort of…stuck underground. We’re in the desert, not super far from the pod cave - you’ll see my car, and not too far from that, you’ll see a hole. If you can come rescue us, that is.”

“I’ll be there soon,” Michael replies, and hangs up.

Kyle takes a breath like he’s about to say something else, and Max has had enough of that. It’s his turn to talk.

“Kyle…” It’s his turn to talk if he can remember the words he wants to say. It takes him a few seconds, during which Kyle is charitably silent. “You’re hurt.” He means it to come out as a question, but it doesn’t.

Kyle sighs, and shifts a bit, throwing his face into the light. The pained look Max thought he’d seen is back.

“It’s nothing.”

Max promptly reaches out a hand and grabs Kyle’s right wrist, having fairly easily determined this to be the location of his injury.

Kyle hisses in pain and yanks his hand away. “Leave it, Evans,” he says sharply.

“Let me see,” Max insists.

“No,” Kyle insists right back.

“Why not?”

“Because I know you, Max.” Kyle sounds exasperated. “You can’t heal me.”

Max repeats himself. “Why not?”

“What should I start with? The fact that you’re concussed, or the fact that your heart -”

“Kyle, it’ll be -”

“Don’t you say it’ll be fine, Max. It’s not fine. None of this is fine.”

“I’m sorry I -”

“Don’t. Just...look, Evans. Do you trust me?”

“Yeah,” Max says, without a second of hesitation. Of course he trusts Kyle.

“Then listen to me. I have a sprained wrist. You have a heart condition and a concussion. I will be fine without immediate medical attention - without immediate alien healing powers. You don’t need to be exerting yourself right now. Michael will be here soon and he’ll get us out of here and I’ll go get appropriate medical treatment and then I’ll give you appropriate medical treatment and we’ll both be fine.”

“Yeah, okay.” Max gives in because he trusts Kyle and Kyle’s professional opinion of his own injury, and also because he’s getting tired and really doesn't feel like having an argument. He closes his eyes for a second and Kyle is immediately tapping him on the cheek.

“You can’t sleep right now,” he says.

“Why not?” Max asks, for the third time.

“Because you have a concussion,” Kyle says, like this should be explanation enough. It is, technically, Max knows, but he’s tired and in pain and just sort of foggy and he’d really like to sleep. But Kyle is intent on not letting him, and he insists that Max should talk to him to keep himself awake.

“Tell me about something you love,” Kyle says, and for a second all Max can think of is Liz, and then Kyle taps his shoulder to get him to focus and Max starts talking about writing, about his lifelong ambition to become an author and the poems he used to write in the margins of his notes and the way that it feels to finally figure out how to convey the thing you want to say and about a million other things that under any other circumstance he would never reveal. Now, though, the words spill from his mouth as easy as anything, which Max figures is probably the result of his concussion. He doesn’t actually mind it, though - in fact, he kind of likes it, this soft, easy honesty. It reminds him of Liz, a dull ache in his chest, but more than that, it makes him feel safe, comfortable. Like everything is going to be okay, even with the blood drying tacky on his face and the aching in his head and the persistent nausea and all the other discomforts that come along with having a concussion.

“Thanks,” Max says, suddenly, during a lull in their mostly one-sided conversation. The second he says the word he wishes he had something better, something more, to say, but his brainpower is a little lacking at the moment. He repeats himself, putting as much feeling as he can behind the word this time, and hopes that Kyle gets the message.

“Of course.” Kyle reaches out and puts his good hand on Max’s knee, and just like that, Max knows that he understands.

thanks for reading this! i love how the title theme perfectly fits this fic lmao. i hope you liked it!!!

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stanharu · 3 years

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beastars episode 23 thoughts!

some of my favorite scenes from this arc are in this ep so i've been real excited for it

this episode was super fun. as i said, its filled with some of my favorite scenes from this arc & ive been super excited to see them animated, and i dont think the anime disappointed when adapting them. this week's ep covered chapters 82, 88, the latter part of 89, 90, 91, and part of 92.

The ep opens with the moth scene, and i really loved it. I really enjoyed the way the anime adapted the part when legosi has the bug in his mouth and he's like narrating his experience of eating a bug lol. i think this whole scene was very well done and i cant wait to show it to my friends when the dub comes out lmao.

my one gripe about this scene is st i mentioned last week, that the anime made the bug eating gouhin's idea instead of legosi's. legosi is known for having unique and strange solutions to problems so in making this gouhin's idea you lose a bit of that legosi brand weirdness lol. there's also a tie-in with legosi's past and his fixation on bugs but since that got cut from this seaon it got cut from this scene too. rip.

next i wanna talk about dressgosi. a lotta ppl were worried that it'd get cut but i figured it wouldn't be. i think the anime really knocked this scene out of the park as well!!! the music. everyone's expressions. legosi's flasetto voice. all amazing lmao.

it's been known that louis hasn't been very expressive outside of going >:[ most of this season, so i'm really glad that he got to emote more in this scene. his expressions were great. i cant put screenshots of all of them here bc there's a limit to how many pics you can put in tumblr posts djlskjdlkfjsdf

when ur idiot boyfriend is back on his bullshit

i liked how they did the splitscreen so we could see legosi, louis, & ibuki's reaction's/thoughts to the whole situation lol

the way legosi's heels echo as he leaves the bar is so funny to me. A+ scene.

after this scene it's new year's eve, the night of the fight. personally i wouldve like a bit more of a buffer before actually getting into the new year's fight, but with all the rearranging and pacing issues of this season it can't really be helped that it turned out this was. it's not that big of an issue imo, just a personal preference.

we get this anime original scene of pina and riz meeting up, i think to give some plot coherence with all the rearranging the anime is doing. i think it was a nice addition.

scargosi is HEREE YEAH!!!

also!! it seems like melon & sebun has cameos in this ep 👀 rly hopin this is a sign for s3. tbh i noticed sebun on the first watch but didnt realize melon was there too until other ppl pointed it out lol.

now, im sad the anime took out legosi's new years call with haru, she already has so few moments in this arc and taking one of them out really sucks imo. but i saw some ppl suggest their phone call may be moved to next week's episode, so im gonna hold out hope that that turns out to be the case lol. also i am OBSESSED with legosi's lock screen 😭💕

they are so cute 🥺

now... it's here. the tunnel scene. i feel like the lead-up to this scene was a bit rushed. imo louis' "i like carnivores" line happened so suddenly, and didnt have the same impact as in the manga. altho to me louis' lil inner monologue about how he actually likes carnivores seemed a lil gayer lol so i still enjoyed it quite a bit.

i also rly liked louis' expressions in this scene, the way he looked/moved when he was talking about how legosi might die had me like 🥺

worried about his wolf bf

i also really liked the contrast of these two shots. ibuki towering over louis, looking large and imposing, and louis looking so small in comparison, having to look up at ibuki.

i wanna hold off my final judgement on the tunnel scene itself until we get to see the conclusion of it next week, but so far i think the anime is doing fine adapting it. i am a bit sad that it isnt playing out exactly the way it did in the manga but im curious about how it'll play out in the anime. on one hand i wanted more of the dialogue and all the buildup from that scene before the gunshot happened but on the other hand ending the ep w/ the gunshot and then the ED immediately starting was devastating and im sure it was even more devastating for anime onlies who finally made sense of the ED in this ep.

overall i loved this ep and im so excited for the last episode next week. we've got about 5 chapters left of this arc to be animated and it's gonna be such a Ride. im just hoping the anime can pace it out well.

#beastars #beastext #we're IN IT NOW YALL

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manjuhitorie · 3 years

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tat - Shinoda’s Hitori-Atelier blog posts - REAMP Digest volume 4

Shinoda’s blog post via Hitori-Atelier! Please consider joining Hitori-Atelier and supporting Hitorie’s ventures today. How-to here: https://boatmanju.wixsite.com/hitorietranslations/hitorie-atelier

It’s already been 3 months since REAMP was released, time really flies.

In that short bit of time we’ve already planned a tour ahead of us, and were given the opportunity to do the opening for the anime ‘86′. Let’s fucking go~~~~~ Is everyone faring well? I've recently rekindled my passion for sampling, I haven't felt like this in years. I'm taking free samples I find strewn across the internet and turning them into techno. I kinda remember mentioning my appreciation for techno in vol. 1 of this blog series, and yeah. I'm finally trying it out for myself. I've managed to make a pretty sick song if I do say so myself. You'll find it on Hitori-Atelier soon enough. (＊This is most likely the song titled 'mad candy', found in 'Shinoda's Contents') It's fun 'cause compared to vocal stuff, I use a whole different part of my brain to make techno. I say "This part of this sample has a good beat to it, I bet if I rearranged it like this it would make music~" and do it. Relatively speaking, this kinda music making matches my personality type really well. I feel like I've found a fucking good hobby for myself here. With that said, even though it’s a hobby, work is still work so the collateral damage of music-making is still vividly affecting my body. Like music is still music, and with the way I tunnel vision I'll end up at my desk for an obscene amount of hours. By the time I'm done with it physically and mentally I'm a wreck. Like the fuck do I mean by hobby, is this some kinda shitty joke Shinoda? Anyway let's talk about 'tat'. The question as to what the title means comes first. Initially I wanted to name this song "刺青(meaning tattoo)". Because the song ‘Perfume’ by ‘Eito’ (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9MjAJSoaoSo) was a huge hit at that time so yeah.. But that idea failed ygarshy's inspection so I had no choice but to look around for a word similar to tattoo.

That was when I found photos of tattoos on Instagram with the hashtag #tat. This is it, I said. As a slang tat can mean many other things as well but I forget what they were. I'm sure you can find out if you look it up but, take note that none of it has much to do with the song itself. I considered '#tat' for the title as well, but it was too lame so I pulled back. This song was written when the album was almost finished and most songs ready: I reviewed the album as whole and felt that something was missing. I had wanted something with now tat’s tempo and mood to it to tie the album together. It turned out really well, if I may say so myself. Isn't it a great song though? I feel like all my efforts were worthwhile... It's fun to let the creative juices flow and write with whatever comes to mind. I tried to make the amount of guitar notes concise and solid. The tone was supposed to be graceful too but... ygarshy swooped in with a kick and his bass so heavy it sounds like he's blasting music from a little motorcycle. The melody too has the same makings as the hits these days. It’s about someone of the opposite sex with a bold tattoo who’s stuck in days of ennui, and me who’s gazing from afar wondering what these feelings inside me are. It’s about that sorta thing (?) - I think I managed to express it (????) The beat isn’t made to be far off from modern tuning either. I’m sure I could’ve harmonized it even better but, at the time I found good reason to make it more rock band-y, so I have no regrets. I only wish I made the song name something easier to find via search. It’s so hard to find the people talking about it... Starting with a verse and closing a song with that same verse is great, ain’t it. I’ve always liked songs with a bit of a whacky structure to them, Like November in HOWLS, it goes from verse 2 back to verse 1 then into the instrumental break. If you think it’s just any old number then prepare to be sorely mistaken - Or, that kind of fetishy stuff is important for music if you ask me. I received a fair lot of praise from people in the song-writing industry about tat, I’m happy. Though I’m not sure about the lyrics. Someone from our workplace told me that “Mushy gushy heart-wrenching lyrics would fit well”, so I sought out to do exactly that. The only problem is that my expression of mushy gushy made that person from work go “????” so making people’s heart clench is hard shit. This doesn’t leave here okay.. My dismay over the discontinuation of Chikyuu Monogatari is vented in here a bit as well. Though I don’t think Chikyuu Monogatari is boring. Not really. I saw a few people say that ‘tat’ is like the evolution of cakebox. And it makes sense to me now that y’all say it. cakebox was my solo project I did back in my mid-20’s. I made 3 mini pieces with 7 tracks and 1 EP with 4 tracks before stopping. I’m sure only like 10 people in the whole world ever listened to it. If you look it up you can still get it to listen too. Like an offering of random ass songs to my dead school life, I had a phase between my late teens and my early 20’s wherein I was obsessed with making songs using just my voice and guitar. The question of direction was beyond my consideration, I just sorta let the creative juices flow back then too and promptly set pen to paper. That was my creative process cycle. It was kinda like a diary. There’s barely any proper complete songs. The reason being that I completely lacked the skill necessary to make them proper. My guitar was alright but my singing wasn’t up to par, no one ever praised my voice at all. So I resolved that I just wasn’t cut out for it and strove to be a lead guitarist. Instead of my own songs I chose to go do band stuff, thus devoted myself to guitar. Yet still my desire to make something proper stuck with me, and so soon after that I started a band in which I did guitar and vocals. we mashed stuff together and made song proper. Alas. Between creative differences and my own lack of ability, we were barely able to make something that I was proud of. After shit happened I ended up at home immersed in making my own songs. “Surely I could put all my experiences in bands and my own growth to good use, to turn my backlog of WIPs into something proper as well?” I thought to myself, and thus was the beginning of cakebox. I think that was the first time I ever got involved in making my own music through my own power. But my way of intense creation was too innocent for listeners or something, or like I wasn’t conscious enough of my headfirst personality... So I didn’t even have the sense to match the tuning up with modernity, and ultimately my work wasn’t clicking with society’s needs. That reality was crushing me more and more with every piece I made. I didn’t have absolute confidence in myself or conviction to push through either. After 3 albums the feeling of “Why am I even doing this” grew, and I found more purpose in Hitorie instead. From then on I devoted myself to Hitorie. These past few years in Hitorie have been nothing but learning experiences for me. After years of the four of us together stressing over what makes good music, I think my own work has leveled up as well. One thing I learned that has especially stuck with me, even now, is leader’s unwavering stance on “Believing that I’m just no matter what”. For someone with my relative dispositions it’s a nigh impossible stance, and at often times I felt it was egoistic of him but... It’s what led him to create such powerful music, and it’s something we depended on greatly. The other day I gave Unhappy Refrain a full listen for the first time in a while. It’s perfect in every way, what the hell. Vocaloid as a genre was still establishing itself back then, and without a doubt this album served as a monument for the cause. The same way ‘my bloody valentine’’s ‘loveless’ was the cherry on top for the shoegazer genre. It’s made an immovable unsurpassable mark on music history. I really was in a band with a crazy person. To think that when I was in a band with him I more saw myself as the crazy amazing one. What the fuck was up my ass. I understand why felt the need for a band after making this album - why he brought us together - even more now. The obscene amount of notes in that album with a tone reeking of rock band stuff... It’s really flooded with his innocent yearning for rock music. I think the troubles he faced following Unhappy Refrain were the repercussions of him making such a huge monumental piece. But his stout core belief in himself - that he’s just - has stood equally as tall as that monument all the way. Now, after so many twists of fate.. I never thought I’d be writing AND singing my own songs for Hitorie like this. Except, one difference between the me of now VS. the me of old is that I don’t feel even a smidgen of unconfidence. I’m not worrying that I “don’t stand out” or “don’t suit societies needs” anymore. I feel like ‘tat’ might be the best song in the album (sorry ygarshy and Yumao). To the point that when people praise it I merely agree with them, “No lies detected” I say.

It’s all thanks to my time spent with Hitorie, the musical knowledge we sharpened, and the fact that my bandmates’ amazing performances have my back. If I don’t have something as big as this supporting me then I’ll just be a fucking chicken with no confidence in my music, after all. With that said, Music made by you yourself is an irreplaceable treasure, “If you made something good, then be proud”: this lesson of mindset was taught to me by Leader. It’s a really life-changing way to be so... If I mimic Leader at least this lil’ bit no one would make a bad face at me, right? What do y’all think? With that that said, the actual most pure thing that’s naturally come out of my head in years, with my actttual emotions stuffed in, is... The actttttual best song is “Utsutsu” if you ask me so. Look forward to the next entry of this blog series, y’hear me. Shinoda

#REAMP #SND REAMP Blog #Hitorie #REAMP Digest

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illfoandillfie · 4 years

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5 Simple Rules for a Successful Fake Relationship: Failure To Launch

5 SIMPLE RULES MASTERLIST

Pairing: Ben Hardy x Reader

Summery: Tensions rise as you try to deal with Ben's secret and keep your fake relationship afloat. But when the script calls for an argument, will too much be said?

Warnings: Still pretty innocent. Some swearing, passing reference to Ben smoking, references to sex but not explicitly so, a discussion of a douchbag ex, a public argument.

Words: 6587

A/N: We’re really in it now folks.

Originally there was going to be more in this chapter but it was getting too long and kind of undercut what is now the end of the chapter, so I rearranged some stuff. But that just means there’s a whole extra chapter that I didn’t think would be there when I wrote the masterlist lmao.

Taglist: @laedymoon @dtfrogertaylor @vee-ndetta @atomic-watermelon @kellypenac @labessieisallama @deakyclicks @jennyggggrrr @drowseoftaylor @hannafuckingsucks @i-cant-hangout-im-drumming @queenmylovely @supersonicfreddie @tenement-funstah

@coni-martina @johndeaconshands

When you finally found the courage to leave the bathroom Ben was waiting for you in the seat he’d vacated earlier, now under a crocheted throw and staring at his phone. He looked up at the sound of your footsteps, smiling softly when he saw you. “Sorry,” you blurted out, dropping onto the end of the couch furthest from where he sat. “No worries,” he laughed, “you ready to keep watching?” “Mmhmm,” “Are you alright? You look a little pale,” “Fine, thanks. Just tired. Might call it quits after this ep.” “You wanna share the blanket?” “Nah, I’m not that cold,” your heart was racing with every word of forced naturality, white noise filling your brain and nervous butterflies filling your stomach. Did he always smile like that when he saw you? What other signs had you missed? You tucked your legs under yourself and pulled your phone out, a barrier between you and he, and a way to keep your hands busy as you tried to focus on the show. It was pointless though. It felt like an age had passed since you began the episode. A dramatic shift in your reality had occurred. You couldn’t remember what had been happening when the pause button was hit let alone understand what was going on now. There just wasn’t space in your head, not when you had to keep reminding yourself to breathe and not look over at Ben. God how you wished you hadn’t gone into the kitchen. Ignorance truly was bliss. You rubbed your thumb over the locked screen of your phone, occasionally unlocking it and opening an app before locking it again, the episode dragging on in the background. Finally, it finished, after much too much time. “Ready for bed or d’you wanna squeeze in one more?” Ben asked, apparently completely at ease. “Definitely time for bed,” you yawned as you stood up, praying Ben wouldn’t stop you. “Alright. I’m gonna stay up a bit longer so if the TVs too loud let me know.” “Night,” “Sleep tight, cuddle bunny.” You could feel Ben’s eyes on you as you headed through the doorway, only barely stopping yourself from sprinting to the safety of your room. You weren’t at all tired, but you turned the light out all the same, stumbling towards your bed by the glow of your phone. As you settled again the pillows you let out a long breath, finally allowing yourself to relax. There was nothing else to do but try to distract yourself, until you felt tired enough. You checked your emails again, but there was nothing new besides some spam for bitcoins. Then you opened youtube, hoping to find some sort of relaxing video that would help you get to sleep. It worked for a while, made you focus on counting your breaths and the meditation that was calmly being spoken. But then it stopped working, thoughts of Ben wriggling back to the forefront of your mind, making a lump form in your throat. A little while later you heard Ben’s footsteps pass by your door as he made his way to his room, the low hum of voices on the TV now quiet. You held your breath as he paused outside your room but his footsteps backtracked, a light flicked off, and then the door to your spare room shut behind him. You didn’t dare move until you were sure he was in bed. But he didn’t stir again, and you fell into a fitful sleep, interrupted by dreams in which you and Ben walked around hand in hand, sometimes blissfully happy, sometimes unable to separate, glued together like a bug caught on flypaper.

The sun had risen by the time you called a time of death on a decent night’s sleep, though it was still what you’d normally consider much too early. It was even too early for Ben who, as you’d come to learn in your months crashing at each other’s places, usually woke before you and enjoyed teasing you about being a teenager for sleeping in so late. You tiptoed to the kitchen and tried not to make too much noise as you brewed yourself a coffee. Maybe it was the new morning bringing clarity or maybe it was delirium from lack of sleep, but you felt you had a better grasp of the situation now. The fact was you didn’t like Ben in that way. And he knew that. So the obvious thing to do was nothing. If you said anything, confessed that you’d overheard him, it’d just end up with both of you feeling embarrassed and you having to put what you both already knew into words that would just hurt Ben more. And that would only add extra stress onto whatever dates and staged relationship moments you’d have to take part in. Because you couldn’t just stop pretending to date. Not when your story was creating buzz for your movie. Not when you were looking for a new job and every scrap of notoriety you could find would help increase your chances of actually landing some of the roles you auditioned for. You’d just have to grin and bear it for a few months. But you supposed that’s what Ben had been doing since who knew how long. With coffee in hand you made your way back to your room, fortifying yourself for what was to come.

It was a few hours before you saw Ben, sleep tousled and searching for caffeine. He took one glance at you and then stepped in close, bringing his hand up to your forehead. You were too stunned by the sudden warmth and how all the air suddenly smelt of him to do more than quietly ask what he was doing. “Checking your temperature. Not like you to beat me out of bed. And you still look kind of pale. Are you sure you feel okay?” “I feel fine Ben.” He withdrew his hand slowly but didn’t move away, his eyes darting to your lips and away again. You stepped back. Ben cleared his throat and turned back to the coffee he was halfway through making, “Are you still okay to give me a lift back to the pub?” “Yeah, of course. Just let me have a shower first.” “Yeah, no rush.” You managed to mostly avoid Ben until you were both in the car. The evidence of his breakfast was loaded into the dishwasher when you got out of the bathroom but he himself was standing on your back patio, looking up at the overcast sky as smoke from his morning cigarette dissipated around him. He waved through the window when he saw you. After that all you had to do was wait for him to brush his teeth and gather up his bag while you flittered from room to room making yourself look busier than you were. Once in the car you started a safe conversation about what you’d be doing for the rest of the day. “I’m going over to a mates house in the afternoon to watch the football but that’s about it. What about you?” “Um, nothing much really. I have a couple of scripts to look over but other than that nothing. I’ll probably just go back to bed though.” “Probably a good idea.” “Do I look that bad? I thought the concealer covered the worst of it.” He shook his head with a smile, “No, you look lovely. Always do. But I heard you tossing and turning a bit last night, didn’t sound like you got much sleep.” “Yeah, just had one of those nights,” you tried to wave him off, back to safer waters. “Are you sure you’re okay?” “Yes, I promise I’m okay,” when Ben didn’t stop looking concerned you added, “Just had some weird dreams, that’s all.” “You should’ve come hopped into bed with me. Nothing like a boyfriend to scare off weird dreams.” You forced yourself to laugh along, “Not sure fake boyfriends work so well. And it really wasn’t that bad.” He shrugged, “The offer stands for next time.” You didn’t know what else to say so you fell quiet. On one hand it was Ben. Ben who’d come to be one of your closest friends, who could make you laugh at the drop of a hat, who geeked out about sports and didn’t mind when you teased him for it. Usually you would have called him a dork and made a joke about how you’d hog the blankets or kick him in your sleep if he was unlucky enough to share a bed with you. But now that didn’t seem right. You didn’t want to lead him on at all. Didn’t want him to read more into your dumb jokes than you meant. So you let the radio fill the silence until Ben thought of a new topic. Thankfully the pub wasn’t far away, and you only had to fill a few more minutes with idle chatter until you arrived. You followed Ben inside and up to the bar where an amused barman handed over the keychain as Ben thanked him profusely. “God I would have been screwed if they hadn’t been there,” he said, relieved, as you stepped back out into the grey street. “Good thing they were there then,” you knew your tone was off, knew you should be standing closer to him in case anyone was looking, but you couldn’t bring yourself to take the step, “Where’re you parked?” “Just around the corner. Thanks for the lift, cuddle bunny,” Ben stepped close enough to pull you into a hug. Your chest tightened as you tried to stay relaxed, throwing your own arms over his shoulders like you normally would have. “Have a good day. Get some rest,” he said, kissing your cheek as he let you go. “I’ll try. Have a good day yourself.” With a wave Ben took off down the street and you got back in your car, driving in the opposite direction. It wasn’t until you were back home in your pyjamas that you realised that if Ben had heard you not sleeping, he mustn't have been sleeping either.

Filming being over was a blessing, even if it did mean you were unemployed. It at least gave you a reprieve from being around Ben, although, as much as you didn’t want to admit it, it also felt weird to not see him every day. He’d become such a consistent part of your life, even without the whole fake dating thing, that the absence of his almost constant presence made you feel a little off kilter. You hadn’t seen him since he’d stayed the night, too nervous about how to act around him now, but you had exchanged a few texts and he called once to check that you’d caught up on sleep. It was the sort of thing a friend might do, so it didn’t make your stomach do flips the way seeing him in person did. But seeing him was unavoidable, especially after Mary called you to organise the next photo session. She gave you the time and the place and then asked if you had any concerns. You paused, weighing up whether it would be worth it to tell her. Would she tell Peter? Would it get back to Ben? “No, that’s all good. Ben knows?” “Yes, Peter’s talking to him about it. We’ve also been talking about the argument you’ll need to have.” “Oh?” “We’re considering planting someone in the area to record it on their phone. Pictures are good but video is better.” “Okay, that, uh, makes sense, I guess. I s’pose that means we should work out what it’s going to be about.” “That would be useful, Y/N. We’re leaning towards doing it next week.” “That soon?” “Yes, that soon. There’s been an upswing in comments online about the relationship potentially being fake and we’d like to try and clamp down on those.” “People are onto us?” “No, no, there’s always a few unbelievers, we were entirely prepared for that. Every Hollywood couple has endured the same sorts of comments at one time or another, no matter how real they were. But there’s been a few more this week than there were before. We hope that if people see you being unhappy with each other, they’ll be less likely to think it’s fake because A, fake relationships should be happy and B, it’ll make you seem more down to earth, relatable. Every relationship has moments when things aren’t the best and your relationship should reflect that to seem natural.” “Okay, so next week we fight. What about this week? Should we still act super happy and loved up?” “Look, there are pros and cons for that. On one hand if you act like everything is perfect now, it’ll take people by surprise when the argument happens which some people will see as normal and some will see as more evidence for it not being real. On the other if people suspect something is happening then the argument story could lose some of its impact when it runs. Either way, if people are talking about you it’s good, so it’s really up to you and Ben how you want to play it. Maybe give him a call and figure it out before you get there.” That made you feel a little better, hopefully any awkwardness or tension you weren’t able to hide would just be seen as a couple going through a small rough patch.

You bit the bullet and rang Ben as soon as Mary hung up, while you could summon the courage. “Hey, Ben, it’s -,” “Y/N!” A few male voices in the background rose up making high pitched oooo noises and someone wolf whistled. “Sorry, I’m just in the middle of kicking these dickhead’s arses in FIFA, gimme a sec,” “Sure thing,” You hung on the line, trying to work out what you were going to say as you listened to the guys trash talking each other and controller buttons being mashed. Eventually there was a cheer from Ben followed by a hearty suck on that, wanker, and then his laughter. “Hey, cuddle bunny,” The teasing voices started buck up again, but they faded as Ben carried the phone into another room. “To what do I owe the pleasure?” he asked as he closed a door behind him. “Have you spoken to Peter yet?” Ben’s voice lowered, “You mean about the shopping photos? Yeah, he called about an hour ago, why?” “Did he mention the fight next week? “Yeah, it came up,” you weren’t sure whether the melancholy tone you heard was in your heard or not, “is that why you called, to work out what we’ll argue about?” “Not really. Um, I was more thinking about the photos this week and the sort of, um, mood they’ll have.” “Mood?” “Well, like, if we’re leading into a fight wouldn’t it make sense to, I don’t know, kind of hint what’s coming?” “I’d just assumed we’d be all over each other like usual.” “Yeah, I mean, not a huge change. We’d still like hold hands or whatever they want us to do but y’know maybe if we just like make things look a bit tense?” “Oh-kay,” there was definitely less of a smile in his voice now than before, “I don’t know if I’ll be able to pull it off though.” “You’re a good actor Ben, I’m sure you’ll manage,” “I wasn’t fishing for that but thanks. It’s more that I’ve missed hanging out with you as much since filming ended, it’ll be hard to hide how happy I am to see you.” “That’s sweet” You wondered if that was because of how he felt about you or just a change in routine throwing him off that way it had done you, “It has felt kind of odd not seeing you every day.” “So let’s just see how we feel on the day then, before we decide what we’re going to do.” “Ben you know I like to plan more than that,” “We have a plan. Go out. Hold hands while we go shopping or whatever and some guy takes our photos. Go home. That’s a pretty solid plan.” “Not quite what I meant though.” There was a muffled shout and you heard Ben cover the receiver and shout something back. “Sorry, the boys think we’re having phone sex or something,” he laughed. “No, I’m sorry, I’m interrupting, I should let you go.” “It’s okay, they can play without me for a bit,” “No, no, you go back to your game.” “Wait, we didn’t talk about what we’re gonna argue about.” “We can discuss it while we’re shopping. Wouldn’t want them to overhear you anyway. You go have fun beating your friends, I’ll see you in a couple of days.” You hung up before he could say anything, feeling more unsure than when you called.

The day of the photos you spent the trip into London psyching yourself up, reminding yourself that this was just acting, and acting was something you could do blindfolded with one hand tied behind your back. Besides, if some of your discomfort showed, it wouldn’t matter, at least you hoped it wouldn’t. Ben was already at the designated meeting spot when you arrived in the city, a photographer nearby waiting to capture your reunion. Having someone to perform for helped ease the tension that had been weighing on you. You smiled at Ben as you approached, legs feeling unsteady, heart racing. As soon as you were close enough you leaned in to steal a quick kiss and let him brush a strand of hair behind your ear, almost whispering your greetings. With the hellos out of the way he took your hand and began leading you up the street. “So where are you taking me this time, babe?” “Nowhere specific, babe,” he laughed, “They just want us to like, be out and about. I’ve been directed to walk us up this way, maybe pop into a shop or stop for a drink or something.” “Any idea how long it’ll take?” “Why? you got somewhere to be?” “Nah, just curious. I can stay for as long as the job takes.” Ben’s fingers flexed against yours, but you weren’t sure if it was in response to your statement or just a coincidence. Either way it made you worry that you were putting more emphasis than usual on this being work for you. Ben couldn’t suspect that something had changed, he couldn’t know what you knew about him. You corrected yourself by squeezing his hand and smiling up at him. As you walked you tried to treat it like you were filming a scene in a movie, just with less blocking and more improv. You were playing a role, playing the girlfriend, and nothing outside of the scene mattered, though occasionally you couldn’t help wondering what was going through Ben’s head. Was he trying to remind himself it was all manufactured or was he letting himself believe it was real? You shook your head and pulled yourself back into the scene. Together you ambled past shops, stopping to look in the windows of some, actually going into others. Inside a cute secondhand bookstore you’d seen but never been in before, Ben insisted on buying you something. He jokingly showed you a copy of the Kama Sutra, softly assuring you that the inernet would lose its mind if that book was seen in a photo. You shook your head and laughed and he put it back and let you pick something much less suggestive. You tried to tell him you could buy it yourself but he took it from your hands with a, “nuh uh, I spoil my girlfriends,” taking it up to the counter before you could protest. All the same you repaid the favour by pulling him to a halt outside a donut shop and buying the both of you a snack. It had the added bonus of giving you an excuse to drop his hand, needing both to keep from dripping chocolate ganache down your front as you continued walking. Ben wasn’t quite so neat as you managed to be, a spot of raspberry jam smeared across his lip and chin. As soon as you noticed it you pointed it out to him, earning a groan as he tried to wipe clean the wrong part of his face. “No, to the left more. My left, sorry.” “Why don’t you just get it for me?” “Really?” “yeah, c’mon. That’s the sort of cute couple thing they want. It’ll go over well on twitter with everyone who mashes our names together in hashtags.” You couldn’t think of reasonable argument not to so, with a smile you hoped didn’t seem too fake, you swiped your thumb over the patch of jam, hesitating for a second before you brought it to your lips and sucked it clean. A soft blush rose on Ben’s cheeks before your eyes and, seemingly unconsciously, he pulled his lower lip between his teeth. You didn’t want to hear whatever he might possibly say so you quickly turned to set off walking again, “So, our argument next week.” Ben shook his head, “Right, that.” He shoved his hands in his pockets. “It’s gotta sound believable if there’s going to be a camera.” “Guess that rules out all the which brand of tea is best type arguments,” “Yeah, it should probably be a little more serious than that,” you conceded with a chuckle “Have you ever had a public argument before?” “Umm,” his question distracted you from the tension you’d been fighting since you arrived, “not like a full on fight but there’ve been snippy comments and disagreements. Sometimes they turned into full on fights once we were home. You?” “Once. At her parent’s place during their anniversary party.” “Yikes,” “Yeah, pretty much,” he chuckled, “We found a spare room before we really had it out, but people still heard.” “God that would have been horrible. I think my worst one was when me and my then boyfriend went out for dinner with some other mates. They were new parents and it was like their first night out since the kid was born and they were talking about how wonderful it all was,” “It’s a miracle don’t you know,” You laughed, “So they said. But they were talking about how hard it had been to start having sex again and then my boyfriend said something like it’s hard enough to get Y/N interested and that’s without a kid.” “Jesus,” “It gets worse. He had another dig at me later for not being adventurous enough and I realised it was because I’d said I wasn’t comfortable with something he wanted to try in the bedroom.” “What an arsehole. Please tell me you broke up with him on the spot,” “God I wish. I stayed with him for another two months,” you sighed at the memory, “But what about you though, what happened with the anniversary fight?” “Uh, well, it all happened pretty quickly. One second I was joking about what we’d be like at our anniversary party, the next she was saying she didn’t see us getting married and then we were in her old bedroom tearing into each other. And not in the fun way.” “Oh shit,” “It was for the best. We were way to young anyway but, still, not super fun. I don’t know if that helps us at all, with our fake argument I mean.” “Well, ours both started with small comments, right? So maybe we start with something small, like how you never put the toilet seat down?” you nudged his shoulder. He laughed, “Yeah, makes sense.” “Then we just have to work out what it builds to,” “Uhhh, things couples fight about… moving in together? Sex? Money? Control?” “Not sex. I’m invoking rule one here, sex is off limits. That’s way too close to home.” “Okay, fair enough.” “What about meeting the parents? We’ve apparently been seeing each other for three or so months now, so that’s not an unreasonable thing to argue about.” “Yeah. And we’re already both coping it from our families anyway, so they’d believe it if one of us wanted to do the family meeting thing and the other didn’t.” “Exactly. So, should I be the hesitant one or you?” “Honestly? I normally would have brought a girlfriend home by now. My parents think it’s really weird that I haven’t.” “Okay, so that makes me the hesitant one then.” “You okay with that?” “Yeah, absolutely.” You were slightly relieved at your role, figuring it’d be easier to act averse to the concept than all for it. “Let’s stop in at that café up there, talk though some things we could say. Give them a shot of us feeding each other chips or something.” Ben said with a playful smile, pointing ahead. You nodded, letting him take your hand again, returning the reassuring squeeze he gave you.

You were woken from another dream about Ben by your phone ringing. Groggily you answered. “Y/N, oh my god, is everything okay with Ben?” “Felicity?” you groaned, trying to push away the surprisingly detailed picture of Ben and you and a page from the Kama Sutra that your brain had conjured during the night. “Were you seriously still asleep? It’s midday.” “Shut up, I’m allowed to sleep in. No job, no auditions. And a shit night sleep.” “Was it because of Ben?” “Why would it be because of Ben?” you asked too quickly. “I saw the photos of you and him out yesterday. Is everything okay between you two?” “What photos?” “They’re on the Heat homepage,” You wedged the phone under your ear as you grabbed your laptop from the bedside table, willing your fingers to work a little faster as you found your way to the website. There was a gallery of photos. You and Ben smiling as you greeted each other. Walking hand in hand. Him through a shop window holding up a book and you laughing at it. You licking jam from your thumb. You paused for a second longer on that shot than the others, automatically focusing on Ben’s expression. Did everyone else see the flush on his cheeks and the look in his eyes? “Why would anything be wrong?” you asked, forcing yourself to move to the next photo, “These all look fine. Normal.” “Really? What about those last few?” Rolling your eyes you keep clicking through until you reached one of Ben, hands in his pockets, frowning a little. The next was you, sitting at the café, looking away from Ben. “Are you going to break up with him?” “What? No, definitely not. We were just talking about something kind of serious, that’s all.” “Break up serious?” “God, Felicity, no,” you almost laughed at the irony of her suggestion, “I guarantee you, we’re not breaking up anytime soon.” An idea came to you. If the world was going to see you arguing about meeting his parents then why not get the ball rolling early, “We were talking about meeting each other’s families. We haven’t done it yet.” “Really?” “Yes, really. He wants to but I’m not super keen to rush into that and it was just a kind of serious conversation. Everything is totally fine.” “Well one of the betting apps has odds up for when you’ll break up. And for who’ll actually end it. Odds are on you, by the way.”

Later that day Mary emailed to let you know the photos were working perfectly – the talk of your relationship being fake had died down – and when the argument would happen. They wanted you to go out to dinner and leave before you were finished, looking like you were on the verge of blowing up. Easy enough. You were prepared. You and Ben had hashed out some things you could use in the argument, without going so far as to write a full script. But the mention of the photos made you curious. What exactly were people saying about you now? Could anyone see what was actually going on, how one sided it all really was? In the days before the scheduled argument you found yourself looking at your own photos more and more. When you weren’t spending your time rehearsing for an audition or with your friends you were on twitter, falling down a rabbit hole of comments and reposted photos. If Felicity, or anyone else you knew for that matter, had found out she would have called you a narcissist. So you kept it to yourself. Your guilty pleasure. Seeing the comments about what a cute couple you were made you feel simultaneously pleased and queasy. You got a strange delight from knowing people believed you enough to speculate about your future, to write fanfiction about you. It was hard to pull your eyes away once you started and it definitely didn’t help you stop dreaming about Ben. The trail of reposted photos in your couple name hashtag led to compilations of screenshots of every comment Ben had left on your photos. All of them flirty and playful and beyond sweet. And he meant them. They weren’t just for show for him, they were real. The queasy feeling grew but still you kept scrolling. Day after Day as you killed time, night after night before sleep took you. Photos posted on Instagram by you or people you’d worked with on The Perfect Match, copied and reuploaded to twitter followed by screencaps of yours and Ben’s comments. Photos of the two of you on set, on dates, cuddled up on your couch. Every single one of them commented on by him. Kiss face emojis or cutesy pet names or sincere messages of attraction, love. The more you looked the more uncomfortable you felt about the whole situation. If Ben really did feel something for you beyond just friendship, then your arrangement wasn’t just unfair it was downright heartless. But, as you reminded yourself, he’d chosen it. If he’d had a crush on you and had still gone ahead with the studio’s plan, that was on him. You could hardly be blamed when you’d been working with half the information. And if it had developed afterwards then it was on him to talk to Peter and call the whole thing off if he had to. You huffed out a breath when you saw the first photo he’d posted of the two of you. The last day of filming, snuggled up in bed. My perfect match. As fucking if. You scrolled further down the hashtag and then back to his photo. The queasy feeling was lessening, being replaced with frustration and anger. Why would he have agreed to the arrangement if his crush was real? Why wouldn’t he have come up with some excuse? You’d expected him to say no anyway, it wouldn’t have surprised you or upset you and they’d had made it clear that you had the option to say no. Who was he to indulge his fantasies about you like this? Without telling you. Was he so sadistic as to enjoy torturing himself like that? If you could only ask him why. Ask how long he’d felt like that. But you couldn’t without admitting to eavesdropping and you couldn’t put an end to it anyway. You were stuck. It was enough to make you want to scream. With a long exhale you made your way to the kitchen for a calming cup of tea. As you reached into the cupboard for a mug your fingers brushed against a handle of his, the one you’d painted for him. You pulled it out and examined the lyrics you’d so carefully lettered. Why’d you have to pick that song of all things? Did he take it as encouragement that you’d picked a song with such lovelorn, infatuated lyrics? You had the sudden urge to smash the mug against the bench top. But you refrained, putting it back and grabbing another.

By the time you were getting ready to meet Ben for the dinner before the argument you were fed up with him and the whole arrangement. You couldn’t open a social media app without seeing a comment or a direct message from someone about Ben, if not from the man himself. You had no one you could talk to about it since, aside from Ben, Mary and Peter were the only people who knew your relationship was fake and neither of them was going to put an end to it if Ben wasn’t uncomfortable enough to mention it himself. Once or twice you’d considered messaging Joe, since he apparently knew everything too, but you’d chickened out every time, not sure how to go about it since you’d never met him and he was likely to tell Ben, even if you swore him to secrecy. You’d even considered telling Felicity but, though you trusted her to keep it to herself, she was kind of getting on your nerves too. Whenever you saw or heard from her, her first questions were always about Ben. She was mostly well intentioned, checking that you were happy and asking how things were between you, but sometimes she was closer to straight up gossiping – updating you on the odds given to those betting you’d still be together by the end of the month, slyly telling you what the latest article in Heat implied. And every time you were reminded of the impossible situation you found yourself in you couldn’t help but blame Ben. You wanted to have a crack at him about it, call him out for being a selfish git. But you had a job to do, and you were nothing if not professional. You went over the plan again – a snippy comment about him not putting the toilet seat down, he’d say something about a bad habit of yours, you warning him no to start something, him starting something anyway by suggesting you weren’t as invested since you refused to meet his family. Lots of crossed arms and unhappy glances and then the strained suggestion you leave. You’d walk back to his car in silence and let the photographer get a few shots before you got in and drove away. Easy.

Ben greeted you outside the restaurant with an easy grin and a complement. “Tone it down, Ben, we’re not meant to be too happy tonight.” “Hey, I’m allowed to be happy until we get into it,” he stopped talking as you went inside and found your table, waiting until the waiter had disappeared with your drink orders before he said anything more to you, “You nervous?” “Not really. It’s just acting.” “So having a public spat doesn’t bother you but you almost lost your lunch over our first date?” You looked down at the menu, “That was just because the whole situation was new and I felt weird about going on a date with you.” “Right,” he looked at his menu too. You didn’t care if it had sounded mean or if he took it personally, it was the truth, “Are you nervous?” “A little.” “Any particular reason?” “Uhh,” he drew the sound out as long as he could, “I just get more nervous before argument scenes than love scenes. I don’t know why. They’re harder to make convincing maybe?” He shrugged and made a face like it was a random suggestion pulled from thin air and not an excuse he’d come up with while stalling for time. You put the menu down and tapped your fingers on the table, looking around at the other patrons but barely taking notice of them. Ben glanced at you but only for a second. It was a relief when the waiter returned with your drinks and asked for your orders, though that didn’t help the strained silence that fell once he’d left again. “So, seen Felicity lately?” Ben asked, making a valiant attempt at polite conversation that you weren’t going to rise to. “The other day.” “How is she?” “Fine.” “That’s good. She still subscribed to Heat?” “Unfortunately. Brings you up every time I talk to her.” You huffed. Ben sighed. Even that annoyed you. You bit your tongue to stop from saying something bitchy before the food arrived. There was a plan to stick to. “How’re you going with auditions?” Ben tried again. “Okay I guess.” “Any callbacks?” “Not yet. You?” “A couple,” he shrugged, “You’ll get one soon, I’m sure. You’re too good an actress not to.” “Yeah, maybe.” Ben took a sip of his drink and sighed again, the noise grating on you, “What’s got into you tonight, Y/N?” He leaned forward and dropped his voice so as not to be overheard, “I know we’re meant to argue but you’re obviously not in a good mood anyway. Did something happen?” “Nothing, Ben. Everything’s fucking peachy.” “Doesn’t really sound like it.” “Drop it Ben.” “Fine. Suit yourself.” He leaned back in his chair and took another drink. You took a drink too, staring at the other side of the room. You hoped that the hired paparazzi was in position and getting some good shots.

The food arrived and you forced yourself to eat some of it, though you didn’t feel like it at all. Ben tried again to get you talking, asking how your meal was but you gave him another short answer. You stopped trying to eat and just moved the food around your plate. He took another drink and gave you a concerned look, “Y/N, if this is about something I’ve done, can you please just tell me.” You couldn’t hold back anymore, all thoughts of the plan, of the argument you were meant to be having, gone, “Of course it’s about something you’ve done.” “Then tell me what it is so I can try to change it.” “You can’t change it Ben.” “Not if I don’t know what we’re talking about. Just talk to me. Do I leave the toilet seat up? Do I load the dishwasher wrong?” He was trying to pull you back on track, “Whatever it is I can fix it. I never want to upset you.” His last sentence was said with such sincerity that you felt your chest constrict, “That’s what I’m talking about Ben. It’s too much.” “Babe,” he reached across to grab your hand but you pulled it back out of his reach, “What do you mean?” “I mean this – us, you and me. You’re so earnest and I can’t keep….” “Y/N, don’t.” “I can’t keep pretending that everything is okay Ben. Not when you’re posting on Instagram that we’re a perfect match and you’re calling to check up on me and acting like we’re super fucking serious. You’re clingy and needy and I can’t keep pretending I love you as much as you love me.” You bit your tongue before you could say anything more you shouldn’t and stood up, “I’m sorry. I need some space.” Ben looked completely stunned only managing to blurt your name out once you’re back was to him. With a hand over your mouth you hurried from the restaurant, able to feel the eyes of everyone in the room burning into you. There was a clatter of cutlery as Ben stood up behind you. but you didn’t know if he’d followed. You didn’t turn back.

#ben hardy x reader #ben hardy imagine #my writing #my fics #i dont even know what to say #skdfhkdsf #sorry but it had to happen

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thirstyforred · 3 years

Photo

Wild Hungover ‘77 OCs & Lore 11/??

logo by @stillness138 🤗

idek what to add, it's been in my bean for the past 2 years now

Red Riders

No one seems to know where Red Riders, a cold chrome band that one heard off before, came from. It's like they just appeared one day and got Night City by storm. But all three of them, Mona [bass, vocals], Varhe [vocals, guitar], and Nam [drums] happened to be very attractive and had a distinctive aesthetic. And what punks of Night City love the most is some good, strong aesthetic.

It also happened that after their debut during The Silverhand’s Battle of the Bands in November 2067, Sylgie, owner of Samurai Club, the newest, hottest NC scene at the time, contacted them with a sweet, sweet deal. Sylgie didn't have much experience in actually managing bands, but she knew the right people in NC and was determined to make Red Riders big. And even tho later Riders accepted a pact with the devil that is a contract with an industry giant MSM MediaCorp, they never shied away from social commentary and managed to keep their cool and style.

The first album, named simply Red Riders came out barely four weeks after the Silverhand's Battle. It was a real reminisce of that first concert - lyrics full of lack of understanding of the world as it is and rebellion against it, all basically screamed into the microphone and ears of the listeners by main vocalist Varhe. Powerful bass and drum rhythms, the actual definition of what cold chrome is about, dirt and cold sounds that might be more at home in Totentanz than in more mainstream clubs, but somehow it just worked. With songs like Where the FUCK am I?? and WTF even is this place playing almost on the loop in radio Vexelstrom, Red Riders' first album was the hit of winter '67/'68.

The band played many gigs all around the city and at least once or twice even in some forgotten bars in Badlands, and in the meantime, they partied and made connections with other bands and influential people in Night City. In the summer of '68, they released ep PROJECT MAYHEM, which really solidified Riders images as the drink&riot kind of band. Especially after the summer music festival organized by various radio stations in the city, from which the band was kicked off from the night before their concert, but returned and played their set anyway. It was Red Riders' first performance in NCRadioFest, but thankfully not the last one - they returned for the second time, tho not in the full lineup, in '72.

In '69 premiered their second, vague, autobiographical concept album - ETERNAL WINTER. It was still weird and exciting, and only raised more questions about where the Riders even came from. Around this time it was also revealed that the group has a contract with MSM, which to this moment was kept secret. Fans started to turn away from music that was making them feel something, but all it took to bring them all back was the concert in Reconciliation Park that Riders played in the spring that year. It was more of a spontaneously thrown together wild music fest - on makeshift stage played with Riders some other more alternative, but successful bands like The Cartesian Duelists. Between the songs, Riders addressed their fans and the controversy and then premiered their upcoming single, Tramore Bitches, with some really poignant lines: "We care, seriously, but this city is a bitch, so we won't say no to the eddies we don't deserve." Folks saw that while yeah Riders have some backup, they still will do whatever they want and not much really can stop them. Single Tramore Bitches went gold, and with some help of corporation Avera, CEO of whom was a close friend with Nam, a somewhat edited and remixed version of the song became the official theme song of CyberOlimpics hosted by Night City 2070.

Before the fall of '70 really hit Riders announced that they're going on hiatus - they wanted some time for themselves and their personal projects. Folks were crying and dying on the streets, but Riders were fast to assure that it doesn't mean the end of the group, and soon after came out Mona's first solo album. Varhe released a few eps as well, and only Nam strayed away from the music, only sometimes guesting on other artists' projects.

The only thing that surely could be called their group project during that time was a three-part album curated by Mona. Forgotten Dreams was a collection of covers of almost lost to the DataKrash songs from the beginning of the XXI century - each rearranged and performed by different artists from Night City. With the only exception being the Riders themselves who, in duets and solo, and as a whole group, covered 10 of them. The first part of this project came out in '71 in spring, and the second in fall, but thank's to the whole Digital Dead Bodies controversy that one passed by almost completely unnoticed.

In January '72 Varhe played in Unplugged for Justice in Reconciliation Park, which despite the fact that he was the only Rider at the time in Night City, was recognized as Red Riders severing all their ties with Avera and Ascalon Club, and denouncing both. In the summer Forgotten Dreams III was released and by the end of the year, it finally got all the awards it deserved. The New Year concert was even announced and Samurai Club started selling ticked for the gig when the news of ripper gang targeting and kidnapping Mona came out, and even tho the whole thing ended more or less good, the show was called off.

Red Riders still managed to surprise everyone and on New Year's Eve they streamed their new year wishes and right before the midnight hit, they announced a new album, My photographer is a vampire out and free to download from their website. And as if that wasn't enough of surprises, barely a minute into 2073 they released also their last album. Also digital, also free, also unaffiliated with MSM MediaCorp, and titled Something ends, something begins. Their last concert happened to be during NCRadioFest '73, which played only Nam [on syths] and Varhe [bass] with additional musicians from different groups. And with that bittersweet goodbye, Red Riders officially disbanded, and all dropped from the music scene disappearing to whatever place they came from. For a hot second, some people claimed that they still saw Nam and Varhe in NC clubs, but by the end of the year, it was almost as if Red Riders were never there in the first place.

#wild hungover '77 #i wanted to write it like something that could be an article in music magazine y'know #but anyway if you look at the timeline Varhe - my V - is gonna die before he gets to celebrate the 10th bday of his own band :)

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nerteragranadensis · 4 years

Text

now listening: “Boreas” by The Oh Hellos

gonna record my first impressions of the album here as I listen. tagging @milk-and-violets since you wanted to hear my thoughts!

1. A Kindling, of Sorts

holy shit

this is the riff from Torches

I still listen to “Torches” a lot because it’s my favorite song off the Notos EP and this is the riff from Torches

rearranged

slower and more ominous and ever-so-slightly more discordant but it works and it builds until it sounds like a house burning down

The album has barely started and there haven’t even been any lyrics yet and I already feel like I’m dying so yeah i’d say this is definitely an Oh Hellos album

2. Cold

Okay. I’ve calmed down a little. this one is... an Oh Hellos song. I like it! I’m going to have to restrain myself from immediately looking up the lyrics to all of these--I really would like to listen to them a few times before I do that.

An interesting thing about Notos and Eurus is that I didn’t actually love either of them the first time I listened to them; I liked the style alright but only one or two of the songs really grabbed me. but there wasn’t anything else that sounded like that in my library, so I kept listening to them... and listening to them... and now they’re two of my favorite albums in the world, and I love how the songs all function as a unit. I have a feeling I might see a similar experience here.

3. Lapis Lazuli

I didn’t like the opening that much (again, I’m sure I’ll come around) but I like what the guitars are doing! I like the lyrics! and this definitely feels like a more winter-y version of the style, since Notos was summer and Eurus was autumn. Boreas being the “winter” album has a lot of personal significance to me. I may come back to that later.

“Don’t know what you don’t know yet / yeah I go on forgetting it” ooh that’s good. I like that a lot.

4. Rose

The music reminds me a little of “Wishing Well” and the lyrics remind me a little of “Pale White Horse”

“I think we’ve got a lot we gotta learn”

Oh I really like these lyrics. And the pipes backing the intrumental? The song itself is kind of quiet and unassuming, which usually isn’t my favorite, but I have a feeling this one is really going to grow on me.

5. Boreas

Hey that’s a reference to spoon theory

I wouldn’t have expected lyrics about wildfire from a song called Boreas but you know what? It works. Wildfire is as boreal as the northern lights. It’s all a metaphor, obviously, but that works too.

I have a feeling this song is going to make me cry someday soon. not to get too personal, but I’ve lived in Alaska for the last eight years and now I’m moving out of state in less than a month. having this album about winter and Boreas (especially one that references spoon theory, uses wildfire as a metaphor for a mental state)... I think that’s going to be really important. as I try to adapt to living in a totally new place.

6. Glowing

I like the beeping in the intro. very electronica, which is one of my favorite genres, but not something The Oh Hellos dip into very often.

I think that was our “overarching” riff--at least it sounds really important and emphasized. like the other overarching riffs. interesting that it’s in this song as opposed to “Boreas”...

I like these lyrics a lot too.

Oh, that’s the end! I was expecting a seventh song, since the other two EPs had seven, but I guess this one ends early. My first impressions are pretty muted except for “A Kindling, of Sorts” which I love and I am going to listen to again right now. Like I said, I’m sure the rest of the album will grow on me in time. I’m definitely going to listen to it again. And I’d really like to listen to in sequence with Notos and Eurus, and see what repeating riffs and themes I can find.

(Right now I can see all the neighborhood birds flying back and forth from my window. There are a bunch of robins, and the rooftop swallows, and a magpie just showed up. They’re darting through the cottonwood trees across the street. That seems really fitting.)

#music #the oh hellos #text #this is... a lot #but it's genuine

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kpopmakesmequestionmylifechoices · 4 years

Text

RTK EP4 Evaluation (spoilers)

[Disclaimer: This is only my personal opinion.]

First of all, wisest statement ever done in this show: "Even if you don't win, you'll make more people like you". - Ravi, 2020. The only man who understood what this show is for.

Now to the stages:

ONF: They showed how to perfectly integrate background dancers. It was a very smooth performance, had some really cool moments, overall very enjoyable. (Also very cute how Oh My Girl supports them)

Golcha: (I love their positive energy, they have such a cheerful and healthy vibe) One word to describe this: Majestic. They rly manage to pull off a very sophisticated concept (the outfits tho I LOVE it). The violin solo was amazing, the entire rearrangement in orchestra style was great. Choreo-wise it possibly wasn't that eye-catching, but they showcased their very distinct vibe. "We performed with no regrets" was a wonderful statement tho.

ONEUS: (Their preparation with paper ONEUS seems like a battle plan hahaha). I'm glad they this time were very creative and made use of all cameras. They definitely went full Wuxia/Cultivation-Drama with this concept, which is definitely unique and sth I approve of. Also I love LIT. Overall the concept was nicely chosen, however: Some of the props were a mistery to me (brooms? Also I couldn't recognize the superpowers they wanted to show), and for my taste there were too many dancers. All together this was in my eyes nevertheless ONEUS best performance in that show.

VERIVERY: (I was so glad to see Ravi) First of all, great concept. Dark, dangerous, powerful. It was a smart move to choose such a concept, considering that they usually are more on the bright side. The acting was amazing, they conveyed the feeling of a nightmare perfectly. At times it was very messy and much going on, however in that case I find that fitting, because it perfectly mirrored how I perceive nightmares. They had some impressive constellations and moves. All in one I absolutely enjoyed that, I only was missing Minchan's "빨리 click click click click now" part tbh bcos it's my fave part.

TOO: (Chan rly is on the right path to become a genius choreographer, his creativity is not from that world) That concept gives me life. They made perfectly use of their massive amount of members and split them into two rivaling groups. Also the fact they changed the line distribution only for this stage (Minsu and Chan rapped J.You's part, J.You sang). A lot of effort for one stage, which unfortunately only a few people will even notice. Chan is an incredible dancer. It is a pity that the dragging move didn't work, but I'm glad they acted as if nothing went wrong. That's truly a high level of professionalism, especially for an absolute rookie.

THE BOYZ: I literally can't say much about this, I have no criticism. It was basically a perfect stage. This creativity is absolutely out of this world, they had a wonderfully structured and clear performance. The concept was dope, I held my breath for quite some time because I was so shocked. For me the(eir) best stage so far. Also I almost screamed at Juyeon assassinating the thief of the crown...my gamer heart is too overwhelmed at that point.

PENTAGON (from last week): I rly like that they went for the dorky, bright concept, because that's how I know Pentagon and that's what I love about them. I found the rearrangement a bit strange tho. Moreover it was absolutely emotional, I love their bond. It was a nice stage and I'm glad they dedicated if to Pentagon itself...and not to Mnet.

I can't and don't want to make a ranking for this episode, because they were not much apart for me this time, besides maybe THE BOYZ bcos they rly exceeded all my expectations.

Regarding next week's episode I'm SO SO SO HYPED BECAUSE COLLABORATION TIME OMFG WE'LL GET INTERACTIONS. I personally would love if Oneus and Verivery collaborated tho but I assume it'll be combined in a form that each Collab has approximately the same amount of members (aka smaller + bigger group). Judging from the trailer I might have recognized voices in 2 songs already which would definitely take away the surprise for next week's ep...but I could be wrong.

#bruh that was long #rtk spoilers #rtk #road to kingdom #verivery #too #the boyz #golden child #oneus #pentagon #onf

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lamphous · 4 years

Note

⭐

dealer’s choice, woo

my brain is mush atm and can’t remember anything past the last few months anyway so here is the director’s commentary for my west wing au, “suddenly I don't remember the rules”

(send me a ⭐ or any title/line/section of my fics for director’s commentary)

so last summer/fall ish I was reading some other fic, I don’t remember which at all, that reminded me of a line from the last season when danny and cj finally get together where he says, “so if I’m going to jump off the cliff, and you’re going to get pushed off the cliff, why don’t we both hold hands on the way down?” which 1) I’ve always thought was sweet (I copied that out from memory lol) and 2) felt very appropriate for these two. and so, when I was rewatching while in london bc I missed dc, I started writing this au and along the way found actually, y’know, plot.

eventually what I really wanted to do was fix cj’s storyline from the first season. she’s one of my favorite tv characters, always has been, and there’s a lot of really interesting pieces in that first season but they’re kind of haphazard and inconsistent. I rearranged the order of events somewhat to straighten out that recurrent issue of her being kept out of the loop and the frustration of that. there’s an undercurrent of her feeling alienated from the rest of the staff and so turning to the press—to danny, really—as her ally, which I think is more interesting than just everyone worrying about cj being too close to him for flirty reasons.

in a way I accidentally think I made it more serious, but I think that’s partially by virtue of making it gay; same with the privacy stuff, which was really my favorite part of this, being able to tie it back into the episode and make it something more. it’s not just their jobs in the way, it’s the publicity of those jobs (there’s an oblique reference to another frustrating cj ep, “enemies foreign and domestic”) and the world they live in. there’s a sort of natural affinity that brings them together already, beneath the aforementioned alienation from the staff.

assorted fun facts from my google doc notes:

on the elmo line: “DOROTH GALE [spider-man slam dunk gif]”

on “some late show”: “i mean obviously its the daily show please do you think id let leno in this fic PLEEEEEASE”

on the line about eddie glaring at people outside the phone booth: this link

on richie having a crush on michael j fox teen wolf, richie wanting to live in georgetown because of the exorcist, and richie talking about vampires: “i can should and must revive richies love of scary movies, i deserve this”

on eddie walking to work: “me 🤝 jonathan perera / sorkinese production with jessica chastain, the dynamic, and ‘my bank account and liberal conscience won't justify my own car’”

on richie falling on the floor: “west. wing. prat. fall. clap clap clapclapclap”

on “some pop rock balladeer”: the complete lyrics to tal bachman’s “strong enough”

on that whole conversation about nobel laureates: “You Are Not Immune To resume tech spec”

there are also references to twin peaks, when harry met sally, and billy joel bc they’re all things that, like west wing, I associate with this time & place bc of my parents, who cameo as the aforementioned people outside the phone booth.

every place in it is real: the supreme court, obviously, and the white house. the inner layout is pretty accurate—I think I might have invented a staircase?—and the palm room before the colonnade to the west wing really is used as an overflow coat storage during events. it’s also ugly as shit, it’s got this trellis thing on the wall, which is why I turned the lights off for that scene lmao, I couldn’t picture it seriously otherwise. also real are:

the petco richie goes to, which is where all my pet fish growing up were from

the bar in dupont circle near a comedy club, although I made up the interior

same with eddie’s apartment, which I’ve been imagining around 21st and o which is both a bunch of gorgeous buildings and coincidentally adheres to the later seasons where they say that cj’s apartment is near that exact stretch of rock creek park

richie’s too, where a friend of mine lives in falls church. I put him in the sticks bc danny is supposedly just back from

both skating rinks mentioned, in the nga sculpture garden and at the reston town center (which was definitely there in the late 90s/early 2000s and I can confirm with pictures of me as a kid there lol)

oh, speaking of places, I fixed the logistics of the scene where josh talks to danny outside oeob about goldfish, which has always bugged me. why is danny even walking that direction? he’s the reporter for the washington post, he can’t get a parking spot in the ellipse? does he park at the wapo building across the street? then why is isn’t he coming out of the west wing entrance on pennsylvania? so I came up with a convoluted answer that he doesn’t live in the district actual bc he sublet his place while doing a little book tour for the book. that danny. wrote. about. the president. BOOM (that never made the cut but still exists in my head)

and I fixed the plot hole in season 2 where cj was sick “last” thanksgiving but there’s no mention of it in this episode, which aired the day before thanksgiving 1999 (my second birthday!) and is right before the christmas episode so there’s nowhere else to hide. plus I like to give eddie my birthday anyway bc even though astrology is fake it’s important to me that some characters with november birthdays are sagittariuses. we’re not all scorpios, you bastards. also someone has to share the burden of having a birthday that occasionally falls on thanksgiving

outside of the episode in question I stole soooo many west wing lines for this fic, and other references that I sort of just scrambled all together. eddie’s list of reasons they shouldn’t be together is from “in excelsis deo”; the bit about the sign and all the comm staff liking richie (as well as being an opportune ch 2 ref), the ice skating, and “fourth... shut up” are from “enemies”; “it’s hard to believe you’re not married” / “many have tried” etc is actually joey lucas and josh in “lies, damn lies, and statistics”; eddie’s car is from “the black vera wang” (rip mark harmon); a lot of eddie’s speech in the apartment is from “he shall from time to time...” but also “inauguration.” oh, and of course! josh lyman you have the cutest butt in professional politics! that’s joey again, from “bartlet’s third state of the union,” bc this is a joey lucas stan blog

I also gave stan the spaldeens and richie the stupid suspenders bc I think they fit weirdly well, and I did the “okay” thing bc I think it’s cute and it’s one of my favorite things in the danny and cj romance canon. respecting boundaries is sexy! and you know what else is sexy? being good at your job. and THAT’S what this fic is all about.

#yall mind if i go off about west wing #fic writer tag #androidsfighting #achievement unlocked: message answered

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littlejeanniebean · 4 years

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Ep. 1 | Amy's Progress Vlog #1: Up to Speed

A/N: Amy was always the hardest character for me to relate to, so I gave her a vlog to fuel her narcissism and I’m suddenly realizing, what if that’s all she needed to be more selfless irl? An outlet?

~1000 words. Read on Wattpad!

The exciting quarantine of 2020 promised in the tags is coming in a future episode, I promise...

- J xx.

Amy sits facing the window of her room. Her phone is propped up on her desk, which is littered with wide sheets of art paper and pencils of every color.

Amy (to her phone): My name is Amy Marena and I fancy myself an artist.

Amy (face falls dramatically, tone turns sharply sarcastic): I keep thinking that if I say it often enough, I'll hear how ridiculous it sounds and convince myself to be content with my life. Let me get you up to speed!

Amy rearranges her phone with a selfie stick wedged between her window and the sill. The video continues in "Draw My Life" style as she sketches her narrations.

Amy (V.O.): My mama is a home health nurse during the week and a mental health crisis helpline volunteer on the weekends when most of her clients finally have family at home to take care of them. She's not home a lot herself, but when she is, she tells the best stories, cooks the best meals, and sings terrible karaoke. Even though she became a nurse because it guaranteed she would always have work to support our family, she also did it because it was what she loved and she never pushed me or my sisters into "practical" ambitions. It was always, "What do you want to do, my Marias?" Her sister, Aunt Sophie, runs a tech incubator and is her total opposite. At Thanksgiving this year, she sat me down and told me, "Now that Meg is out of commission and Jo is an arts major, it's up to you to help your mother support them all." That's why I started taking coding classes in school and online. I'm actually not half bad if I do say so myself. I just… I just wish I had more time to sketch and paint.

Amy (V.O.): My eldest sister Meg was studying marketing in university. But she met this super hot econ TA in her second year and they accidentally had twins. Now they live together in the apartment next door. Yes, still on a TA's salary. Meg's applied everywhere and she's crazy smart, but she can't afford daycare and no sane retail manager will let her bring the terrible two to work. Also John - that’s econ TA’s name - he’s a bit… protective? Like, I guess that’s a turn on for Meg, but he doesn’t like the idea of her working so soon after delivery. If it was my body, I’d ask him what the heck he knows.

Amy (V.O.): My other older sister is Jo. We're… not very close.

Amy (back to traditional vlog-style medium frame shot): You know how honesty isn't really a big thing on the internet? Well, that all goes out the window on this vlog. I am absolutely, 100% doing this for your approval and attention because I may have a mind of my own, but I'm also fifteen and stupid.

Amy (back to V.O.): Exhibit A-Z: Jo's a writer. She's in her first year of an English degree but is just so good that her professor vouched for her to a screenwriter friend at Netflix. Yeah, that Netflix. But… now she might not make the portfolio deadline.

Amy (sighs wearily): There was this party at Laurie's - an old friend of ours who’s Jo's age but got held back in senior year because he was hardly ever actually in class and the one time he showed up he was caught smoking marijuana. During a test. And no, he doesn't have exam anxiety, he just likes to be an ass sometimes. We've talked to him about it. He's turned around… mostly. Anyway, Jo took the car, wouldn't let me go with her and I… might'vehackedhercloudaccountanddeletedeverything.

Amy (back to medium frame, squeezing her eyes shut and burying her face in her hands): I know, I know! I'm a terrible person! As soon as the screen went blank I felt sick to my stomach. I tried to undo it, I tried restoring some cached data, I even called the company and was on hold when Jo came home. For a while she was still… civil. Panicked, justifiably, but civil until they said there was nothing they could do then she… exploded. I'm not even exaggerating. Jo Marena straight-up explodes when you cross her - beady brown eyes wild, a curse on you and your cow every other word, and a few good smacks on the arm.

Amy (V.O.): Anyway, I'm on my apology tour and I need you guys to hold me accountable. I programmed a speech-to-text app for her, none of that questionable always-listening mainstream stuff. She's got such a quick mind it's hard for her fingers to catch up sometimes. She wouldn't use the app if she knew it came from me, though. So I had Laurie pass it off as his. I might be able to tell her… someday. Step Two: change the car's tires back for the summer so Jo doesn't have to. Ugh. And mow the lawn. Why did Jo have to call dibs on all the hard labour chores? I know, I know, I'm apologizing. It shouldn't be easy, or else what's the point.

Amy (V.O.): After Jo, there's little Beth. We all call her little Beth, even though she's older than me. She has the voice of an angel, but only ever sings for us, privileged few, her family - Aunt Sophie not included because she's Medusa incarnate. Bethie graduates this year and we're all so freaking proud! It's… harder for her than most. She has actual exam anxiety. And social anxiety. And dyslexia. But she's truly the best of us. No one would ever dispute it. She volunteers at the soup kitchen, senior's home, and animal shelter. And when she won scholarships for her community service, she asked if she could defer them to someone with even more financial need!

Amy (back to medium frame shot, smiling): We love Beth. Everyone does.

Amy (face falls): And then there's me. Dumb-blonde Amy. Over-dramatic Amy. I swear, I'm not saying it for pity, I know it all to be true which is why I'm doing this. If you guys don't see growth in me week-to-week, let me know, and I'll step it up. And if you want to start a progress vlog, comment the link to your channel below and we'll rally around you too. O-kay, back to living!

Amy (two-fingered salute): Amy, out.

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sol1056 · 5 years

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git along little nonnies

Got a whole bunch of you on related themes, so I’m just gonna do this all at once: a bunch of questions about DW, spinoffs, merchandise, business, management, support (and protest) and whatnot. In no particular order.

Ok there are petitions and peaceful boycotts directed at DW but problem is they aren’t addressing the EPs and things they, not DW, did so how are we to sign them, how to handle this when this could at best confuse the situation and not give any results and at worst, make matters even worse about what we want regarding DW addressing things?

Here’s what companies care about: money. Everything else is gravy.

If you want a corporation to pay attention to your complaints, then you need to figure out their sources of income, and find a way to threaten that. If the social reprobation is high enough, damage to the brand can translate into lost sales, but the tempest required to make that happen must be much, much larger than anything I’ve seen the fandom manage.

I’ve been saying this all along: voices are far more powerful than signatures. If twenty thousand people wrote or called in, and said what they liked vs what upset them, that would have a far greater impact. Certainly a lot more than a list of names with no emotion beyond a request that may not even be something DW can, or would, fulfill.

And don’t even get me started on mailing stuff in. Cute, but hardly actionable.

Do you know what kind of contracts DW sign, as in, are they obligated to air all seasons, can they choose not to air them, do the companies they work with (netflix, wep) have a say or more say than them? Who gets the last word? Is airing all seasons squarely on DW or more?

As I’m not a corporate lawyer employed by any of the signatories, I can’t tell you what the contract stipulated. What I can tell you is that a contract of the magnitude of the DW-WEP-Netflix agreement probably had a dissertation worth of riders covering the different types of possible defaults or breaches, and the penalties for each. Additionally, the contract also likely covered what constituted ‘satisfactory delivery’ of the product.

To take it down to a really simple level: you place an order at a restaurant. You expect to get it, eat it, and pay for it. You don’t expect to be told, “hey, we burnt your steak and we’re out of butter for your sweet potatoes, so have some green beans instead,” and then be told you still owe the full amount, anyway.

Netflix wouldn’t settle for ordering (and paying for) something never delivered, anymore than you would. Sure, any corporation worth their over-inflated stock options would try --- but that’s the point of contracts, to make sure they can’t.

Netflix paid, DW delivers, end of story.

...do you think ppl in charge didn't think EPs would tell they made changes and also thought they'd manage to bury it? And then they got in trouble and DW is going thru changes for that reason? -waves at DW goings on and silence.

I got lost in all the pronouns, there. Who’s the first ‘they,’ the EPs or DW execs? Is the second ‘they’ referring to the same as the first? So... I’m not really sure what you’re positing, but if the ‘DW is going through changes’ is implying DW’s got a shakeup and/or is promoting its head-of-TV to president and that’s somehow connected to two newbie EPs screwing up?

I’d say the chances are so infinitesimal as to be nearly in the negative. (I should also note, the press release listed successful shows Cohn oversaw, yet oddly did not include VLD.) DW is not a three-person start up; it has stakeholders and a board and a C-suite to satisfy. Cohn got that promotion ‘cause she’s got a track record going back thirty years, most recently growing DW’s TV division from 8 to 800 in five years.

Most corporations tend to announce their new CEO or President like someone woke up that morning and went, hey, I’ve got a great idea. Truth is, it’s usually in the works for at least a year, sometimes several years, or more. The only thing that has me side-eyeing the announcement is the silence around who’ll fill Cohn’s previous position.

But that’s again less to do with a single series, and more to do with what it says about DW as a whole, business-wise.

What meaningful changes could the new president Margie Cohn make that would be different than the last one? Also I'm sorry if your getting a bunch of Voltron/DW questions lately, you just seem to be the most knowledgeable person on this platform.

I’d be willing to bet I’m far from the most knowledgeable person; I’m just someone not bound by an NDA, and curious enough to do a bit of digging and jaded enough to talk about (most) of what I find.

A president can have immense impact on a company’s direction; that’s kinda why they exist, to set that high-level strategy. That said, Cohn will be bound by all contracts signed by her predecessor. The TV side (barring someone filling the shoes she left) will probably continue as it was. The theatrical side (which she’s taking over) will be where we’ll probably see any major changes.

And even those aren’t likely to be on films currently in production. Hell, given theatrical animation can take up to five years, I’m not sure that’d show much change, either. Look instead to changes in investors, new deals, and new properties.

What do you think DW will do about a sequel if there’s really no bible? Theres tons of plot holes & abandoned storylines. VLD will never feel satisfying, and fans already argued with different interpretations based on conflicting content, without a nice satisfying explanation...

I know this is the first of a three-part ask, but I’m skipping the rest because the only answer possible is to your very first question: the bible doesn’t matter.

Any new series --- even a continuation --- will construct its own bible. Same as we’d do in fandom: they’ll patch together what they can, fill in blanks as they need, and gloss the rest, or retcon it outright. Even if there were a bible, diligently followed, that doesn’t mean the next series is automatically beholden to it. Some franchises would care (ie Star Wars) while others might let a reboot mess with the details (ie Star Trek).

For every continuation, there’s gradations in between, since otherwise what’s the interest for creative minds, if you’re obligated to follow someone else’s script exactly? So, no. The absence of a story bible doesn’t preclude the next iteration making its own, as it needs, to whatever extent it requires.

I was wandering around the hot topic online store, and i noticed a shirt that raised a few flags and questions. it's the 'Voltron Location' shirt. it has all the paladins in different places in a star globe chart thing? with what might possibly be planet designations. plus Lance is the only one not inside his blue colored bubble. Keith is in Red and Shiro in Black again. it's interesting at least.

Nearly all the shirts use the same base images, just changed up. It feels a little like someone handed a designer a half-dozen images with a request for forty-something designs --- and now HT is just throwing them all at the wall to see what sticks (or sells).

HT’s stuff has been pretty consistent, from what I’ve heard: Shiro is Black, Keith is Red, etc. Considering the t-shirts seem to be selling out regularly (along with various other sidelines), I’d say someone is savvy as to the fact that the segment of fandom spending the most money is also the segment that prefers the S1/S2 lineup.

If that’s what customers want, it’s smart business for DW to provide.

(Yes, that applies on more than one level.)

There are VLD comic books being released by LionForge Comics, are those considered canon? Do LM and JDS have any involvement? They take place before Season 7and8 but I don't wanna support the original EPs.

Every fandom has its own stand on what counts as canon. Sometimes (especially with adaptations) you’ll find fandoms being explicit as to whether they’re book or movie (ie HP and LotR). I expect the same will eventually shake out in VLD’s fandom, too.

From everything I’ve heard, Hedrick and Iverson were handed the comics and ran with it. I suppose that would argue for seeing the comics as canon, being they were written by people also writing the main series... but from what I can tell, it’s one-way. The show affected the comics, but nothing in the comics ever affected the series.

That said, your purchases have nothing to do with the original EPs. All you’re doing is telling DW you like the VLD-iteration of Voltron.

What are your thoughts on the final vld poster? I feel like it’s missing the end. Allura is randomly staring back into nothing.

It’s a clever idea to do a poster for each season, but it’s not something I’ve ever paid any attention to, really. If it were drawn by the head writer? That might mean the artist had more insight than, say, a storyboarder or animator. But even then... cool picture, still not-canon. I’m only interested in canon.

Do you think that Voltron was rushed purposely by the EP's. [...] Wouldn't this effect the quality of, well, everything? I feel as if they got frustrated with the show at that point and just wanted out.

Dude. There are times I sit here and just stare into space, bewildered yet again not just at the thought of 39 episodes released in one year --- but doing that with 26 as a last-minute cut-and-paste rearrangement. All I can tell you is that what I’ve seen from animation people and aficionados (and friends) is that three full seasons in one calendar year is just bonkers.

If DW hadn’t wanted the schedule that packed, the EPs aren’t the ones getting the say. That’s a DW-Netflix thing. I really wonder whether DW used VLD as a guinea pig. TH went a year between S1 and S2, and the numbers slumped badly. Perhaps DW wanted to know if more episodes, more often, would keep fan interest high? DW has experienced execs, but they’re all from broadcast; how you arrange and time things in the brave new world of binge-watching is a completely different beast.

So, it’s possible it was less of a rush job to get the show out, and more from a desire to see what'd happen to release so much, so close together.

I still think it’s a bonkers schedule, though.

"Relaunch the whole property" sounds like they won't continue expanding the whole vld universe and they'll make a new itineration. Though if they do a spin-off it'd likely be on the vld universe surrounding the new "Legendary Defenders" from the epilogue. And "especially given the response" do you think after the negative response from s8, wouldn't be better for WEP to not keep working with Dreamworks? Or maybe they need to clean their brand from vld fiasco? What can you say about all of this?

I can say you might try re-reading, because boy is that a radical interpretation of the text. Remember, Jeremy was speaking before S8, and all indication is that he was caught off-guard as much as the fans. Re-read in light of Jeremy (at the time) appearing to expect S8 to be a crowd-pleaser.

...I'm becoming more confident in my belief that DW has something planned for Voltron. I mean they are still heavily promoting the show, LionForge is still publishing Voltron comics, and merchandise is still being made. These don't seem like the actions of a company trying to get people to forget a show.

You’re not wrong. Up to the last few days of 2018, DW gave every indication they wanted S8 quietly buried. Nothing they’ve done since has fit that pattern --- including the anomaly of failing to announce their 2019 series. Something is going on, that’s for certain.

Did DW really just throw the VAs to the wolves [for] three days? and there's still no official stance? One panel was enough. They had [the VAs] take the heat for them? But thankfully fans felt sorry for them? Which could also have been the goal, shut the fans up [with] the VAs of the characters who got the worst treatment and who love their characters ... Yes DW this really makes me trust you /sarcasm/

I don’t think that was the original plan. Let’s pretend DW released its 2019 schedule via press release in the first few days of January, and among those was an announcement of a VLD sequel or spinoff, coming late 2019.

People wouldn’t be fussing over putting the VAs through three panels. They’d be complaining we didn’t get the biggest room for every panel. The majority of the fandom doesn’t trust the EPs, and is wary of DW --- really, the only ones who retain any goodwill, at this point, are the VAs. So who better than to assure a nervous fandom about the goodness of the second iteration than the VAs whose characters were most shafted by the first iteration?

What breaks this is that immediately after S8 dropped, Josh and Kimberly went silent on twitter. AJ slipped into passive-aggressive snarking; Jeremy fell off the radar and usually he’s pretty interactive with his fans. Bex pretty much wiped VLD from her stream, possibly including deleting older tweets. Neil tried to engage and made a hash of it, bless his heart.

Josh and Kimberly are consummate professionals who reliably promote the series after every season drop, but their radio silence continued for almost two weeks. This wasn’t the first season that came saddled with controversy; if there was a time to go quiet, it was after S7. Something else was going on.

I have strong suspicions backed by research, but if I’m right, I’d be stepping on a major legal landmine. In the interest of not getting blown up, I’ll only say that the VAs appearing for those three panels (and their low-key and mostly diplomatic hedging around VLD’s conclusion) was a good sign that all parties involved are willing to work things out.

[DW was] quick to handle the Season 7 backlash and have stayed mum on what is arguably a much worse reaction to the 8th and final season.

and

I believe the S8 of voltron we got was not the original ending we were supposed to get and highly edited. My question is why? What was the point of changing the original ending? [The] radio silence from DW and the cast is driving me nuts. I wish DW would make a statement.

DW is in an interesting place. Its TV side is barely five years old, but dominated by execs with long-time broadcast experience, predating vibrant interactivity afforded by platforms like twitter, tumblr, or instagram. DW’s background as a theatrical company also seems to incline it away from any ongoing engagement with the audience. It releases a movie and by the time that hits theaters, DW is onto the next thing.

It’s a strong contrast with production studios like Zagtoon (Miraculous), who penned an open letter to their fandom about production delays. Or little studios like Wonderstorm (The Dragon Prince) whose deft use of twitter and tumblr sets their brand apart. Or Federator (Castlevania), with their witty marketing campaigns and willingness to engage with fans. Even Disney was willing to be open about its errors with Tiana, and to make clear how it was striving to do better --- so there’s no excuse that only small studios do such outreach.

My guess is that DW's core leadership is from the school of business in which admitting a mistake is tantamount to ritual suicide. Don’t blink first, or maybe the rule is never let them see you sweat, but whatever it is, DW is turning into a textbook case of how silence can damage a brand.

Companies have multiple avenues to reach customers directly, now. Our modern technologies are a two-way street, and good companies leverage that to create not passive fandoms but active communities. It takes work, careful planning, and some level of transparency --- something old-school execs find highly uncomfortable, to be honest --- but in this day and age, those are crucial building-blocks to achieving any kind of audience loyalty.

DW isn’t going to render itself obsolete (at least not overnight), but it's on a track to end up as the studio whose work audiences only watch when there’s nothing better being offered. Unfortunately for DW, there’s a hell of a lot of other studios out there, and they're all offering something better.

#vld #voltron #television production #marketing #business #sol thinks about stuff

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kingfugue · 5 years

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swan kingdom part 4-- EP

The first thing I noticed was the soft nature of my surroundings. My eyes weren’t open yet, but I felt as though a cloud was giving me a gentle hug, and I squirmed around in disbelief. “Oh,” a voice said from my right.

I opened my eyes to find the speaker, who, to my horror, was Mr. Crosswicks, dressed in a smart lavender sweater vest and holding an open book. “Mr. Crosswicks? W-what happened?” I stuttered. “Did I-- am I--”

“Well, after you passed out, I couldn’t just leave your lifeless body on the floor, could I?”

“Ah. Thank you very much, Mr. Crosswicks, I’ll make it up to you somehow.”

“Yes, I’ll make sure of it.” He snapped the book shut and scrutinized my face for a few tense moments before speaking. “When was the last time you ate something?”

How did he know everything I tried to hide? Could he read minds or something? “I’m not sure,” I replied. “How long was I asleep?”

“Approximately fourteen hours.”

“Fourteen--? Oh goodness, I’m so sorry. I really will make it up to you.”

“Answer the question.”

I swallowed, then mumbled, “er… three days ago… I think… or maybe four?”

“Good god. Remind me of your name.”

“Eden… Perelli…”

“You are a fucking idiot, Eden Perelli.” Mr. Crosswicks stood up and walked around the bed to open the door and yell down the hall, “Bellamy, lunch for two, and bring it soon.”

While he relayed orders, I observed the space. A wardrobe faced me on the other side, and to my right, a window let rays of sunlight filter inside. One electric light blazed from the center of the ceiling encased in a glass flower. And the walls-- I recognized the lavender walls at once-- I was still in Mr. Crosswick’s house. My face reddened. This man, a renowned scientist, caught me in his arms and let me sleep in his home. In a bed! I couldn’t recall the last time I slept in a bed.

“Do you take tea or coffee?” he asked me over his shoulder.

“Uh-- I’m not sure.”

He rolled his eyes. “Both, Bellamy, please and thank you. Yes, that’s all.”

“T-thank you.”

Without acknowledging me, Mr. Crosswicks closed the door and went back to his chair next to the bed. “So, you told me last night that you had information about IRs. Some information that you assumed I don’t already possess.”

When he put it like that, I realized how pompous it seemed for me to visit. More blood rushed to my face. “I suppose so,” I said.

“Would you care to share your findings with me?”

I decided to start with a preamble. “I’m a friend of Holland Rusk. She helps run the Rusk Bookshop, just north of here, and she gave me your name.”

“Oh, yes, I recall buying a book from her a few days ago. Rather chatty. Intelligent, for a civilian.”

“That’s her. She told me about your research, which is why I’m here.”

“I’m aware.”

“Mr. Crosswicks, forgive me if I sound ignorant, but how many interactions have you had with IRs?”

He considered this. For how rude he acted, at least he seemed to be taking me seriously now. “I have never met one,” he said. “My parents conducted most of the experiments and they died from radiation poisoning. I have utilized previous research or experimented on light forms of radioactivity-- plants, and the like.”

“You know the mutations vary from subject to subject, right? Some humans become animalistic, some humans can still think and communicate?”

“Yes, I do.”

“Well--” I sat up in bed and rearranged my blankets, and realized that I was no longer wearing pants. I yelped and yanked the covers up over my legs.

“Oh, yes. I treated your leg,” Mr. Crosswicks supplied.

“Y-you did?” I lifted the covers a few inches to check. Sure enough, my left shin was wrapped up in clean white gauze. “Oh! Thank you so much, Mr. Crosswicks! I--”

“Yes, yes,” he replied impatiently, “continue.”

I replaced the blankets. “Right. I’m sorry. Well, I’ve spent the last few years searching for IRs and helping them hide from monster hunters. I like to think I’ve got a good reputation among them.”

Mr. Crosswicks pondered this. “Miss Rusk mentioned you,” he mused.

“Right! You see, when I first moved to New London, a humanoid IR was the first one who showed me any kindness, and I knew that that they had to be misunderstood. So I found an old radiation suit in a dumpster, and I thought, I might as well try to do some good-- pay that kindness forward. I tried to be public about it at first. I rallied in the streets with a few IRs to bring public awareness to the issue, but I was arrested. A year later I escaped from prison and I’ve been on the run ever since. Oh, and if you want to turn me in,” I added quickly, “I won’t fight, Mr. Crosswicks, I understand. I just need you to hear me out before that happens.”

He held up a hand to stop me and I fell silent. “I am less interested in IRs and more interested in you.”

“Er-- me? Why?”

“Yes. You say you have lived with multiple IRs?”

“That’s right. Dozens, probably.”

“When did this begin?”

I counted on my fingers. “About-- ten years ago, is when I started.”

“When did you get the radiation suit?”

“That would be nine years ago.”

“You’ve used this suit ever since?”

“I haven’t had the money to buy a brand new one, so… yes.” His eyes hadn’t left me once and it was starting to make me uncomfortable. “Mr. Crosswicks, I don’t quite understand what you’re talking about,” I continued.

“You don’t? Eden-- may I call you Eden?”

“Yes.”

“Eden, by all rights, you should be dead. I could feel the radiation coming off of you the moment you stepped into my study. As I have explained, I have studied various forms of radiation for years now, and I consider myself something of an expert on the subject. According to my research, the radiation suit you dug out of the trash should not have worked as well as you hoped, and your continued interactions with IRs should have killed you.”

So that’s what he meant last night when he told me that I was dying. He hadn’t predicted that the Rat Catcher was hunting me, he somehow felt the leftover radioactivity from the IRs. “Does that mean… I can’t help you?” I asked, feeling my heart sink.

“That depends. How do you feel about being observed?”

“Observed?”

A knock sounded at the door. The woman, Bellamy, came in, balancing a gargantuan tray in her arms, and setting it down with practiced precision on my lap. Fine china plates bearing piles of steaming sausages, arrays of tiny sandwiches, glazed meats, and salad, were spread out in neat rows in front of me. “Thank you,” I said, wondering what to eat first.

“You’re very welcome, dear,” she replied, casting a shifty glance to Mr. Crosswicks, who didn’t return it, and instead waved her out.

The moment she closed the door behind, he ordered, “eat.”

“Don’t you want some? You said it was for two.”

“Yes. I’m betting you can eat enough for two people, considering how long you’ve gone hungry.”

He wasn’t wrong. Without bothering myself with a fork, I began by sampling all of the sandwiches, which were cut into neat little squares and that I could fit between two fingers. Each one fit perfectly in my mouth. I didn’t recognize most of these flavors, but enjoyed each one all the same. Normally, what I ate came out of other people’s trash cans, so this was a real treat.

Mr. Crosswicks had gone quiet, probably because he knew I couldn’t get a word out while I ate. I glanced over at him. He had taken out a notebook to write in.

I swallowed the sandwich I was working on and asked, “What are you writing?”

“Notes.”

“Notes about what?”

He used the pen in his hand to point at the plate of sandwiches in front of me. “You reached for the cucumber first. Then the chicken, tomato, and finally, the potato salad. Tomato elicited the most positive reaction.”

I wasn’t sure how to respond to this. Was he taking notes on me? “Is this what you meant by ‘observing’?” I said.

“Yes. I’d like to learn how you act, what patterns you exhibit, in a controlled environment-- if you don’t object.”

“Would it help your IR research?”

“Very much, I think. You see, the majority of the population is scared of IRs because of their unavoidable radioactivity, and the belief that living in close proximity with them is fatal. You could prove them wrong. In fact--” Mr. Crosswicks put his pen and paper down so he could lean closer. “If you want to pay me back, you can start by cooperating in experiments.”

“What would I have to do?”

“It’s simple. I want to visit you as regularly as possible, in your natural habitat. At your home.”

My heart skipped a beat. Home. “I’m not sure that would be possible, Mr. Crosswicks,” I replied.

He placed a hand on my arm, as though to comfort me, and again my heart fluttered. “You would only have to act as you normally do,” he coaxed. “I ask you questions, you answer. I need a blood sample, you give it to me. And if you want the IRs to keep visiting, I’ll donate an old radiation suit of mine, so I will know exactly what types of radiation you are experiencing.”

“It isn’t that. I would be fine with all that.”

“Then what on earth is the problem?”

“I-- I--” My hands clenched at the blanket. I could never go back to the warehouse, not while the Rat Catcher continued to hunt me. Considering that I planned that last night would indeed be my last, I hadn’t even contemplated the possibility that I might survive another day. Where was I supposed to go now? Straight back to the warehouse to wait for the Rat Catcher to find me, to sit in anguishing wait for death?

A tear dripped down my cheek and I rubbed it away and swallowed my cries. “It won’t work, Mr. Crosswicks, I’m sorry,” I whimpered.

“Won’t work?” He placed his notes on the floor. I could tell he had no idea why I was crying or how to stop me. “I’m-- Eden, look at me, it’s alright-- I’m offering you the opportunity of a lifetime. You came to me--”

“I know, I did, and I’m sorry. Thank you for everything but I should go now.”

Out of instinct, he reached his other hand for my face, and then just as awkwardly withdrew it, and put it on his lap. “Would you tell me why?” he inquired gently.

“The sad truth is, if I tell you, you may be in danger,” I replied.

“I’ll be in danger?”

I stared down at the tray of food to avoid his concerned eyes. “Someone wants to kill me, Mr. Crosswicks. They know where I live. They follow me. I’m not sure if they know I’m here, but if I go back home, I’ll die.”

“Why do they want you dead?”

I shook my head. “I don’t know, they didn’t say. They hunt IRs for a living, I think. Yesterday, I wanted to keep a promise to a friend that I would find you, so I came here after I escaped. That’s where the cuts on my leg came from. So, you see… I have no home to go back to.”

He paused, and rested his hand on my arm again. Goosebumps rose on my skin. “Why did you come here? Were you looking for a place to hide?”

“No, I swear that isn’t it! I made a promise to my friend that I would share my knowledge of IRs with you. He knew how much I wanted to make a change but was too afraid for so many years. I just thought, if I’m going to die, I should die after I accomplish something.”

“Good god. And here I was thinking you were some starving tramp coming to my door to take advantage of me.”

“I would never!”

Mr. Crosswicks chuckled. “Yes, I believe you.”

He was smiling. Actually smiling. Up until this point, a frown stayed painted on his face, and now a little grin emerged from under the facade.

It was beautiful.

“I-- I wish I c-could help you,” I stammered.

“Perhaps we could help each other. Go on, eat, you need it.”

I didn’t want to remove my arm from his grasp, so I used my left one to fumble around for the fork and skewer leaves of salad.

“You have no place to live,” Mr. Crosswicks began. “If you go outside, you could very well be killed. I want to observe you on a regular basis in order to advance my IR research. Do you understand where I’m going with this, Eden?”

I frantically chewed my mouthful of salad, swallowed, and replied, “not really.”

“I’m suggesting that you live here for a time.”

“Here? Here, as in-- here, here? Your house?”

“Here here.” He withdrew his hand from me and gestured around the room to prove his point. “I have more than enough space for myself since my parents died. I’ll give you this extra bedroom, a bathroom, everything you could need.”

This was too good to be true. Was I dreaming? I just sat there, stunned, waiting for him to add a “kidding!”.

We stared each other down. “I need your consent before I set this up,” he continued.

“Uh. Are y-you sure?”

“Yes. I don’t care if you’re being hunted, my house is the safest place in New London. You agree to be my test subject?”

I didn’t like the term test subject, but I didn’t know how else to define myself now, so I nodded and answered, “yes, I’ll be your test subject.”

“Perfect! Let me draw up the papers and I’ll be right back. Finish your lunch, I want you to regain your health as soon as possible.” He stood up, abandoning his book and notes, and strode out the door, leaving me in contemplative silence.

Test subject. Me, a test subject? Have I gotten myself into something bad?

No, no, I persuaded myself. You can trust Mr. Crosswicks.

Why? Another voice chimed in. Why should I trust him? I only just met him.

And in that time he’s done more for me than anyone has in years without my asking him to.

Yes, I was sure of it. I could trust him. I would keep my guard up-- not like I had been during lunch when I poured my heart out-- but I could trust him for now.

#lgbtq #novel #dystopian #scifi #nanowrimo

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acrosstheboardmusic · 5 years

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“WILD ONES” ALBUM REVIEW & INTERVIEW: Jackie from Across The Board shares her insights on being the lone wolf who still needs her pack

by Carmen Toth, special to ListenUpIndie!

March 23, 2019

On March 15, 2019, I and 400 other fans had the pleasure of seeing Across the Board do a live debut of their new album “Wild Ones” at The Opera House in Toronto. I was so encapsulated by their stellar performance that I didn’t take a single video or photo the whole time! Luckily, there were a handful of pro photographers there who got some great shots, like this one by Joanna Glezakos:

If you’re a fan of 80s era inspired pop-rock like me, I can pretty much guarantee you’ll enjoy “Wild Ones,” the latest offering and fifth album from Across the Board. I find their sound to be like a unique fusion of 70s/80s rock like Stevie Nicks, Journey and Heart, mixed with energetic modern alternative pop like Paramore and Walk Off The Earth. And this makes perfect sense, considering that they list all of those artists as influences, and have at some point covered them all within their extensive collection of over 600 videos on YouTube/Facebook/Instagram.

One of the most tightly themed albums I’ve ever heard (from one of the hardest working bands I’ve ever met), “Wild Ones” in the band’s own words: “explores the concept of the lone wolf who lives for the independence of running beneath the moon and the stars but understands the need for a pack.”

The album opens with a dramatic spoken prologue from lead singer Jacqueline “Jackie” Auguste, before launching into the super riff-y, upbeat and harmony-rich title track, where we are introduced to “the wolf,” the musical embodiment of Jackie herself. The danceability continues on “Monster,” which “celebrates the beauty in the ugly.” Next up is what just might be my favourite track on the album – “Eye of The Storm” – an epic and beautifully vulnerable power ballad which Jackie and co-producer Matt Makarenko wrote during the early days of her breast cancer diagnosis in July 2018. The following track “Calling,” according to the band, is meant to be a “cry of support in turbulent times,” but for me, it just gives me a serious “slow dance” romantic vibe. Then the pace picks up again on the uplifting rock anthem “All Gone,” which is co-written by the band’s keys player Martin “Marty” Heller and is his first ever contribution to the ATB catalogue. I call the next track “Graffiti,” ATB’s “ode to graffiti,” – a very poetic explanation of why graffiti exists and the “funkiest” track on the album. The album finishes up with another gorgeous ballad “Alpha Wolf,” which has a very ear-worm-y line; “howl at the moon,” which sounds almost like an actual howl, but prettier. All in all, a very strong, well-written and produced album that just gets better with every listen.

You can listen to WILD ONES on SOUNDCLOUD.

You can find your favourite streaming service HERE.

Album credits: Co-written and produced by MC2 Music Media’s Darnell Toth & Matt Makarenko with ATB’s Jacqueline Auguste, Andy Ramjattan and Martin Heller. Published by MC2 Music Media.

Lead singer: Jacqueline Auguste Backing vocals: Shezelle Weekes, Tasha Lorayne Keys: Marty Heller Guitars: Ben Healey, Matt Makarenko Bass: Andy Ramjattan Drums: Darnell Toth, Ryan Sousa

I had a chance to talk with the band’s frontwoman Jackie about the making of the album, and here’s what she had to tell me:

C: You’re releasing “Wild Ones” less than a year after “Sonic Boom,” which you released May 2018. Any particular reason for releasing them so close together?

J: Because it was ready! We were in a full-on writing mode after “Sonic Boom” and we just kept going to maintain our momentum. In this day and age of the music industry, you have to keep moving forward, creating music from your heart and sharing it with your audience. One of the best things about being signed by an indie label as opposed to a major label is that we have so much creative control. There was a really powerful creative force moving through everyone after Sonic Boom and we decided to hold a writing workshop last summer – we basically cloistered ourselves away at the ATB cottage up at Lake Simcoe one weekend and wrote 18 songs – 8 of which we chose for the album, and 7 that are being released currently. We had to hold back one song as we did a little mash up of a song that was already written and are waiting for the lawyers to do their thing.

C: This is your fifth album. What has become easier having done it so many times? Has anything become harder?

J: What’s easier is the time it takes – in the sense that it takes fewer takes to get what we want, and less explaining to one another where we are coming from because we know our sound now and we know what we want – we are all on the same page and it becomes rather intuitive now – fewer question marks! There is nothing harder per se about it. Possibly making sure we have fresh chord progressions and don’t get stuck writing the same song every time. That certainly hasn’t happened yet and I think it’s because we’ve moved to a more collaborative inclusive model of writing as opposed to the songs all being mine.

C: Have you used the same producer and studio for all five albums?

J: Four of the five, yes. Our first album was actually produced by my brother, Tom Smith, who’s a kick ass engineer, musician and producer. He also produced all our early covers that you can find on Spotify and iTunes pre-‘Jane On Fire’ – which was our debut album in 2016. Our second album, which was actually an EP, was the first project we did with our current producers MC2 Music Media.

C: What is your usual writing process and how was the process for this album? Were there some songs that were harder to complete than others?

J: My writing process starts with a chord progression and a hook. Then lyrics and a melody emerge, the lyrics get filled in and the song goes off to our producers Darnell Toth & Matt Makarenko at MC2. They rearrange it, give it a beat, genre and cadence, then send it back for me to create a demo. I usually create a demo in the same way we record our YouTube cover videos and those demos become the basis for starting to record the individual parts.

For this album we did it slightly differently – although there were several of the 18 songs that we wrote for the album that we do with the usual process I just described, there were three that were musically driven. Matt and Darnell had banked some jam sessions and experimental instrumentals and I went through them and chose some that I thought I could write melody and lyrics to – that was the process for “Monster,” “Graffiti” and “Eye Of The Storm.”

The song “Alpha Wolf” was a little different – I had written some poetry about the wolf theme of the album – and his relationship to the circadian rhythm of the earth. I wanted to write a song in 6/8 time for a change – a rock ballad – I love the triplet feel to a solid 6/8 structure and this song basically ended up writing itself: “Alpha Wolf” and “Calling” –two of the slow songs on the album were written this way – and they seemed to write themselves.

C: You have been pretty open about your recent diagnosis and treatment for breast cancer. How did making this album help get you through it? Do you believe in the healing power of music?

J: I find that music boosts my serotonin! I feel calmer and happier and less down about things. Music can also excite me and make me want to move and dance or jump around. The album theme – ‘the independent lone wolf who recognizes the need for a pack’ – represents my struggle with breast cancer. I had to be able to ask for help, to accept it, and give up control to those who knew what was best for me. “Eye Of The Storm” represents my attempt to find the peace within the chaos – to find a place of comfort amidst all of the stress and turmoil that is chemo and surgery and tests and needles. Each song on the album really was born during the time of my diagnosis and early treatment. It’s like an Ode to the struggle with mortality.

C: Who have been your biggest musical influences?

J: I would say my biggest musical influences are Stevie Nicks, Bonnie Raitt, Steven Tyler and bands like Journey, Paramore and Walk Off The Earth.

C: What advice would you give to aspiring independent musicians?

J: Don’t wait to create content until you think it’s flawless or perfect – let your fans progress and develop with you. Put out content every day! The more you do, the better you will get at doing it! The more you create, the more people can consume and it makes for a nice deep rabbit hole where folks can dive in!

C: Do you have a favourite song on the album?

J: “Eye Of The Storm” – it’s fun to play, fun to sing, and speaks the most to me about my personal struggle with breast cancer.

C: As a fan, I can hear a real evolution in your singing on this album. What kind of vocal training/exercises did you do in preparation for the recording sessions?

J: I would love to tell you I have a defined set of exercises and techniques, but I don’t. I sing along with the radio in the car on the way to studio – belt a few lines, sing some high notes and some low notes and flex my vocal chords a bit – like stretching before a run. I was trained by Russian opera star Helena Holl, one of my favourite people on the planet. She’s just lovely and had taught me to control my diaphragm, breathing, mouth and throat shape and vocal chords. Although I have very little time any more for training sessions, I do think of all her teaching when I’m singing a challenging song, like if it’s something I have to belt or a high note.

C: Is there anything else that you want to say to all your new and old fans?

J: I would just love to hear from people what they think of the new songs – what do you like, dislike, what caught your ear, or bored you. And then tune in and follow us on YouTube, FB and the Gram! Introduce yourself! Let’s connect – check out all things ATB at http://acrosstheboardmusic.ca

Carmen Toth is a freelance writer, singer songwriter, senior copywriter and voiceover artist- visit Carmen’s website here.

#wild ones #across the board #carmen toth #listen up indie #new music #music reviews #new music reviews #new rock music #new rock music reviews #new canadian music #canadian music #canadian music reviews #canadian bands #canadian rock band #canadian rock bands #jacqueline auguste #toronto music scene #new albums

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