#there are sooooo many but those are two physical books that i own off the top of my head that i’ve been putting off

[permanentreverie]

11!

11 : what book do you want to read but haven’t? there are SO many i could make (staring guiltily at my shelf) i think the top ones are the secret history and foul lady fortune? i’ve had both for over a year but i just … haven’t gotten around to reading them yet. hopefully i can get to both by the end of december!!

bookish asks

[maeshelix]

Sunny: Hey Omori! Your trauma-repressing days are over. Give me the truth.

Omori: If you want it... then you'll have to take it.

(Omori gets off his throne as the hands retract)

Omori: But you already knew that.

Sunny: I had a feeling you'd say that...

(Sunny summons his violin)

Omori: How many times have we fought?

Sunny: Hard to say, it's the memory I have of us since I created you.

(Both Sunny & Omori smile at each other)

Sunny: Time to finish this Omori. Once and for all!

(Omori pulls out his knife as they prepare to battle)

See, I don't remember why you sent these DMC Omori asks, but I feel like this'd work better with Mari as Dante and Sunny as Virgil. And then the Headspace gang would work as V and the like.

Because ok, we firmly believe that Virgil is a system thanks to DMC 5. Like, it's not even subtle honestly. Griffon, Shadow, and Nightmare are literally alters that were expelled from Urizen along with V when he became Urizen, they literally say they're "discarded thoughts from when he was Nelo Angelo" and are "no longer bound to his consciousness", they're sentient creatures who can think for themselves and do their own thing, it's not a question for me. V and Urizen also kinda count but they were made by the Yamato separating Virgils human and demon sides from eachother and possibly fused together mentally aswell as physically (though that might be up to personal interpretation. The manga, from what I remember, might leave the door open for V to still be in there somewhere since he just gives the mental representation of the book to lil Virgil and then it shows Virgil back i think??? I need to read that manga i cant remember the page im thinking of well at all) but I still think they count as alters and Viegil feels very very plural to us. And Sunny is also very plural to us sooooo yeah. It makes sense eto combine em :p.

Yadda yadda, I'm getting off track, the point is I think I could slot the Headspace gang into V and the Familiars (New band name woo!!!) pretty well!!!

Like, one way you could do it is that V Sunny could be the regular old Omori while the Urizen Sunny could be Omor Boss Fught Omori. Or V Sunny could be the fucked up zombie Sunny you see in the mirror during the truth sequence while Urizen is Omori (or vice versa) [also tangent but I always liked it whenever Pre-Truth Sunny is represented as that zombie, both because I feel like that's a good way to represent how he probably feels after Stair Con 19XX but also because I dunno I think it's a cool look. Like the tall Onryo Mari in the mirror. You don't see art of them often and I like em], or V is Stranger and Urizen is Omori. There's alot of ways you could go with those two honestly!!!

Either way the Headspace gang fit neatly into the Familiars. Maybe Hero as Nightmare is a bit of a stretch but I think Aubrey could slot into Shadow pretty well (maybe as a big pink bunny instead of a shadow panther) and Kel as Griffon. I think that makes sense.

I'm kinda fuzzy while typing this out so I'm not sure where I'm going with this but yeah!!! I think Snuuy should be allowed to Judgement Cut End. As a treat (*^‿^*)

[daveeddy]

HoH "If You Are Depressed"

This bonus section was sooooo useful for me as someone diagnosed with major depressive disorder. It is so reaffirming to see depression classified as an illness, it is not a shortcoming of mine, it is not something that should be looked down upon or deserving of pity, it is just simply something that afflicts me and something that can be treated. The book describes the three types of depression, major depression, dysthymia, and Subsyndromal depression. The main thing connecting these ascending types of severity in depression is that they are extended periods of depressive symptoms, they are not just passing feelings of sadness. Everyone's symptoms vary even between types of depression so it is important to be mindful of how your symptoms manifest. I always know I am about to slip into a depressive episode based on how often I feel like I HAVE to just go into my room, turn off the lights, and just lay in bed. It is not just a feeling of like oh yeah that sounds nice right now, it feels like I am compelled to do so because there are no other activities that sound pleasurable or interesting. I just want to lay in bed on my phone and mindlessly numb myself with a stream of content on my phone. I often sleep way more than I need to in these states and it interferes with my energy levels and production. I will start skipping classes and turning assignments in, I will turn my friends down to hangout and do nothing all day. I feel hopeless and like I am just spiraling towards failure. The book discusses how depression is like many other physical diseases in that there are two things that cause it to be triggered, a genetic or biological susceptibility towards it and events/stressors that trigger it. The HPA axis profile for those with depression is unique, low amounts of norepinephrine, serotonin, and dopamine, and high amounts of cortisol. Beck developed the cognitive theory for depression essentially stating that those with depression have maladaptive thought patterns and attitudes that affect self-worth and happiness. There is 3 risk main factors for depression, poor social skills. shyness/withdrawal, and excessive dependency on others.CBT is the most common technique used to treat depression and it has a bunch of empirical support showing its efficacy. Essentially, if we can reframe these overly negative perceptions and challenge their accuracy in a safe environment, we can rewire the brain to be more functional and adaptive to the real world. Interpersonal therapy helps you work on personal relationships in your life, challenging unconscious bias, and instilling optimism. Marriage and Family therapy is similar but it takes a more systematic approach and addresses how complex familial structures contribute to maladaptive thought patterns and behaviors. Antidepressant medication with SSRI's and NDRI's has seen a bunch of success. I am on Wellbutrin and have seen a major improvement in my frequency and severity of symptoms. Ultimately all of these treatments help us develop the self ability to resist unhappiness and produce our own happiness as that is the ultimate cure. Being committed in the long term is the best predictor of the success of any of these treatments.

[colorseeingchick]

Valentine’s Affections (Kageyama, Oikawa, Kuroo)

I adore Valentine’s day! Love is in the air and chocolate is in my stomach. But for you and these boys? Well... it’s a lil more complicated than that. 

A/N: We are going to completely ignore the fact that valentine’s day was a full 3 months ago. Love is always in the air on this blog !

Warnings: Light swearing? Maybe? Lotsa fluffy stuff beware cavities. 

Kageyama Tobio

Kageyama stares hard at the vending machine in front of him. Now, this was far from a new situation he found himself in- he found himself in front of this very vending machine every single day. But the stakes were much higher this time.

Strawberry, or chocolate? Which would be a better gift? 

Early on he decided against chocolates, cuz it felt too obvious. He opted out of a note, cuz he wasn’t articulate enough for that. And for the same reasons a verbal confession was completely out of the picture. So here he was, in front of the vending machine, hoping you would accept his love, or at the very least, the milk carton as a token of it. 

He decides on the strawberry milk, because the pink carton color reminded him of hearts, so he was hoping his love message would be real clear!! 

As he approaches you in the gym, he feels the nerves stir in his stomach. You’re surrounded by the other first years, excitedly chirping at Tsukki and Yamaguchi while Yachi and Hinata jump up and down around you (for what reasons, who knows) now that clean up is over. The second and third years weren’t that far away either. But he knew he’d have to do this sooner than later. 

Kageyama stands pensively behind you at a slight distance, awkwardly shifting weight back and forth between his feet. Finally, he finds the guts to call out to you. “Y/N...san.” Alright, maybe it was more like a mutter. No one had heard him, but Hinata had noticed his presence. 

“Kageyama! There you are.” 

All eyes shift to him, including yours. The heat rushes to his face as he hides the milk behind his back. “Boke! What do you want!” He only gets redder as his eyes meet yours. 

“Y/N-san!” He yells a bit too harshly. But you don’t flinch, you just smile. “Yes, Tobio-kun?” Gah, your voice is sweet as always, and he doesn’t even know what to say. 

Stepping towards you, he essentially shoves the milk into your hands before turning around and marching out the door. 

You stare at the carton quizzically, while the boys in the gym collectively let out a heavy sigh. 

“Was that… supposed to be a confession?” Daichi’s disbelief was evident.

“He does that every day though,” Hinata comments, clueless. 

“But today’s Valentine’s day, there’s probably more to it, right?” Ennoshita curious.  

“Of course that’s the way that idiot would do it.” Tsukki is snarky as ever. 

But you don’t hesitate to run back into the club room, a determined look glued to your face. 

“Y/N san! Where are you going?” Hinata calls. 

“Let them be, Hinata. They have something to take care of.” Suga has a glint of amusement in his eyes. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Kageyama tries to calm down as he aggressively drinks his chocolate milk. But he’s jittery all over when you pop up next him. 

“Tobio-kun, did ya really think you could just throw me a box of milk and then split? On Valentine's day? Tsk Tsk.” You smile as you move to stand in front of him. Words are far from his physical capacity at the moment, so he opts to just stare at you instead.

“But by the way,” you pull the carton from behind your back in your left hand, and shake it in front of him, “Accepted.” He feels his heart melt in relief. You understood what he meant. At least he thinks you do. You always understood him somehow, even though he wasn’t great at communicating. 

“And also…” Your right hand appears now, a small box of cutely wrapped chocolates snuggly fit into your palm, “this is for you. Please, accept it.”

His eyes go wide in shock. For some reason, this was not what he had expected (though everyone else knew it was coming). His heart now swells with an indescribable feeling that he never wants to stop experiencing. 

“And this too... unless you want me to stop...” He doesn’t know how else you could potentially make him fall apart more than he already had- but he got his answer when your hand grabbed onto his collar and tugged him down to your height. You placed a slow and gentle kiss on the corner of his mouth. “Tobio-kun, I like you.” Yeah, his heart wasn’t ready for that one. 

Oikawa Tooru

“Thank you, Suki-chan!” “So sweet, Maki-chan!” “These are delicious, Haru-chan!” First period hadn’t even begun and Oikawa had already been swarmed with gifts. But despite the time he spent basking in the affections of his little fans, his eyes were trained on you, watching as you happily handed Iwaizumi a cute little box of chocolates. Oikawa saw how his best friend smiled, and he saw the way you buried your face into Iwa’s chest when he hugs you. He decides to ask you about it at practice. 

“Y/N-chan!! You know what day it is today!” 

“How could I forget when I see my favorite setter drowning in more chocolates than usual?” He ignores the unidentifiable tone in your voice and presses on. 

 “I saw you give Iwa-chan some~” 

“Yes I did.” 

“Sooooo~”

 “....so what?” 

“Where are mine?” 

“...I…”

 Iwaizumi steps in, his hand protectively grabbing your shoulder. “What’re you harassing Y/N for, Shittykawa. You got enough chocolates already didn’t you? No need to be greedy.” Your eyes are glued to the floor, but Oikawa just sighs and waves it off. 

“Sorry, sorry, Y/N-chan! I just figured your chocolates would be so tasty I was jealous Iwa got some~ but I’ll be waiting for them next time!” If only you knew, I would rather eat a single one of your sweets than all the other sweets combined.

He tries to forget the incident until he hears his doorbell ring at 9 pm. “Tooru! You have a friend who’s come to see you!” He’s surprised to see you waiting at his gate, face flushed, breath ragged, and hair ruffled.

 “Oikawa-san!” You say with determination. “Y/N...chan?” He walks towards you, confusion and concern clear on his face.

“Oikawa-san…” the confidence fading as he comes near. You look away from his face as you outstretched your hands, a cute, small pink box with a tiny bow on it in hand. 

“I’m sorry I didn’t give you chocolates earlier today….I just....” your hands retreat to your body, box still grasped. You look down at your feet once again, so you can’t see his eyes go wide. “I thought about making you some sweets yesterday but, I always knew you had so many fangirls and I didn’t wanna get in their way, or worse, make you see me as one of them… so I didn’t. I’m sorry. I, I didn’t consider you would feel left out. So I made these for you after school! Will you please accept them!” 

You look up at him finally, only to see tears streaming down his face. “Oikawa san? Are you okay? I’m sorry if I said something that-” 

“I’m sorry Y/N-san, I don’t know what’s gotten into me. But are they really for me?”

 “Mhm!” You hand them over, in anticipation of what he would do next. He opens the box, pops a chocolate into his mouth, and then smiles. 

“Just as I expected- it’s perfect.” He steps towards you once again, and wraps his arms around you, tightly. “You’re nothing like the rest of them, yanno. You’re very special to me.” 

Kuroo Tetsurou

“Happy Single’s Awareness day!” You sing-song at the boys standing in front of your gate, the sun peeking out over the horizon. 

“Just jumping over Valentines, then?” Kenma asks you, his face hidden in his switch. 

“Yep! Nope! Not for me~ don’t need a valentine!” You’re carefree as you stroll ahead of the two of them, hands thrown behind your head. “Giving Valentine’s are dumb. Right, Kuroo!”

Kenma takes his time to pull his nose away from his switch to let his cat like gaze fall on his best friend, who’s been awfully quiet this morning. He knows why. 

“Do you agree, Kuroo?” He asks, probing. 

“...Yep. What type of headass buys into Valentines-” He criticizes. 

Kenma knocks Kuroo’s bag with his elbow, his gaze transforming into a glare. You do, Kuroo. No chickening out. 

Kuroo’s grasp on the bag resting on his shoulder tightens, well aware of what he has to do. 

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

After school was over and practice was done, Kenma got dropped off at home because he wanted to go home early, for some reason. So now it’s just you and Kuroo, laying on the hill by the bridge, bathing in the hues of orange and pink as the sun sets slowly. 

You stretch out on your back, relaxing onto the grass underneath you. “Man, did ya see all those idiots handing out valentine’s? So cheesy.” You close your eyes and pull your hands up to cushion your head, turning your chin up. Kuroo rests on his elbow, angled so that he can watch you as you talk, his hand scratching his head soothingly.

“ Who wants dumb chocolates anyways? You think these chicks would get sick of all the chocolates they get. Hmph.” He watches as your mouth twitches down, eyes squeezed tight. 

To be fair, both of you were acting...different today. Kuroo can read you like a book, and even how he can still pick out the unease you’ve been tryna hide all day. But his own nervousness and jitters keeps him quiet. 

As you both sit in silence, stewing in your feelings, Kuroo lets out a deep sigh. Now or never. You hear him rustle in his bag as he pushes something over to you. You open your eyes to see a small box by your shoulder with a cute lil cat sticky note pressed onto it- reading, “be Mine, Valentine? :3” 

You freeze for a second, processing what he pushed over to you. You look up at Kuroo, who’s now turned his back to you, sleeping on his side. 

You open the box and find a cute cat bracelet inside. “Kuroo?” 

“You’ve been trashing valentine’s chocolates for a while now- so I figured I’d get you something better. It’s cheesy, I know. Don’t “at” me.” He stays, turned away from you. 

You take your time to pull the bracelet out the box, letting heat rise to your face. 

“Did you do this just because…? To make me feel better, or-”

“Still a headass huh.” He finally turns around, and you’re glad to see that his own face is as red as yours feels. 

“Kuroo… do you, like me?”

“Damn, you’re gonna make me say it huh?”

“Yes.”

“Yeah I like you. Now hurry up and reject me so we can go back to being normal and I can get over my damn nerves. I hate not being myself.” He mutters as his lips twitch into a pout as he rests his bedhead into the grass, hands caressing his neck. 

You take a second before crawling over to him, watching him in silence. 

“You’re an idiot, too, ya know.” He peaks one eye open, to give you a questioning look. “Now help me put this bracelet on.”

“You like it?”

“I love it. I’m never taking it off.”

“You serious?!”

“Of course I’m serious.”

His Cheshire grin breaks out onto his face as he sits up, closing the gap between you two.

“Oh? Does someone like me back?”

“Yeah someone does. Now are you gonna help me or not.”

In that moment, you don’t think anything can compare to the sheer joy in Kuroo’s eyes as he carefully clasps the bracelet onto your wrist, wrapping his strong fingers around yours.

Copyright © 2021 Colorseeingchick. All rights reserved. Do not repost or copy.

[fakeikemen]

Anti-Kat/aang rant:

I had some leftover doubts since I recently joined the fandom, about if Kat/aangers had any points worth mentioning about why Kat/aang is a good ship or why Zutara is a bad ship. And the YouTube comment section of the soon-to-be-premiered video of Zutara relationship progression on the official ATLA Yt channel has convinced me that— No, they don't have any points at all. They actually invent excuses to hate on Zutara. And ridiculous excuses at that:

"Katara and Zuko have no chemistry. They are like siblings. Katara is the sister that Zuko never had."

Like I would've actually considered this theory if Zuko and Katara weren't so obviously romantically framed in the scenes they shared starting from "Crossroads of Destiny".

Somebody in the comments accepted that Zutara scenes were romantically framed but that didn't mean anything.

And I'm like: ?!?

This is animation we're talking about? Like anything that happens onscreen is because it was 100% intentionally put there, because it is drawn, coloured and animated. Even for a second worth of screen time, multiple frames have to be created.

Why would they put in that much hard work into making something if nothing was to come of it? Why would they frame those scenes romantically if Zuko and Katara were supposed to be siblings?!

Argument: Null and void.

"Zutara could never happen because Katara already had A/ang loving her and because Zuko had already M/ai as a lover."

Oh so fictional characters are strictly supposed to have only one possible love interest because anything else is illegal?? That's some bullshit right there.

And while we're at it, they talk about M/ai like she was perfect for Zuko but she was not? She treated him like trash? And Zuko literally forgot about her until she showed up in the last few minutes. Yeah, that's true love right there.

Argument: Null and void.

"Katara and A/ang have always been in love with each other from the start. Katara was ready to leave her village for A/ang after 5 mins of meeting him, obviously she was whipped. She was one who suggested that they kiss in Cave of two lovers and she blushed. She kissed A/ang on his cheek many times!! It's true love!! You're blind if you don't see that!!"

I—? Like, its clearly stated in canon that she wants to go with A/ang because this is her only shot at learning waterbending? They really think Katara exists as a character only to be A/ang's love interest, huh? That's sad.

She suggested that they kiss because they were trapped in a cave with no way out. There was a sculpture of two people kissing with ominous scriptures like: "Love will lead the way in the dark" (I don't exactly remember). This was evidently a "kiss or die" situation? Like it just shows that there is no other way Katara would've thought of kissing A/ang?? Seriously this is minus points for Kat/aang Idk why they even use this argument.

And why do they think the innocent cheek kisses are proof of Katara "not keeping her hands to herself"? Ugh. And if these kisses are romantic, why are we always shown that A/ang likes it but not the other way around, i.e.: Katara blushing after kissing A/ang's cheek?

Like Kat/aang's so called development is a joke. There are no two ways about it.

Argument: Null and void.

"Katara hated Zuko for 90% of the show and was kinda okay with him for the last few episodes."

Katara definitely didn't hate Zuko in Book 1 and 2. She was angry at him, yes, but she didn't outright hate him? Like if she did she wouldn't have bothered to offer to heal Iroh. She wouldn't have reached back to Zuko in the catacombs either. And she definitely wouldn't have offered to heal his scar.Her grudge against Zuko became personal only after Zuko betrayed her in Ba Sing Se.

For which he earned forgiveness from Katara fair and square and Katara forgave him at her own volition. No one forced Katara to forgive him.

And after being forgiven, Zuko and Katara were practically glued to each other. They really act like the episodes after TSR don't exist, huh?

Argument: Null and void.

"Zuko is abusive. He hurt Katara many times. He tortured Katara and her friends and tried to kill them."

Where? Seriously, where? Definitely not in canon.

Like, the narrative takes so much time to establish the fact that Zuko doesn't hurt people fatally under any circumstances. He is a victim of abuse: not an abuser himself. When did he hurt Katara? He pretty much saved her from a much, much worse fate in "The Waterbending Scroll" i.e.; the Pirates. He only knocks her unconscious at the North Pole and Katara returns the favour the next time she sees him. Combat is not physical abuse. Where did he torture them? He barely caught hold of them long enough to even actually say anything. Zuko literally got his face burned off for trying to prevent some soldiers from dying. This character would try to kill a 12 yo and his friends? Bullshit. He never tried to kill them. Other than the time he hired Combustion Man which was sooooo evidently wildly OOC for Zuko The worst of Zuko's behaviour paints him mostly as a brat and sometimes as a rude assh*le.

Saying that he was anything more is pretty much gross mis-characterization of Zuko. Like, its literally making up things that didn't happened.

Throwing around heavy words to make the opposing ship look bad is not woke at all.

Argument: Null and void.

"Zutara never kissed on the show, Kat/aang had 4-5 kisses."

Yes this is a real argument from their side.

Like yeah man, kisses = true love; why didn't I think of that before?

This is a new low.

Their first kiss is "kiss or die", the next kiss was in a daydream, the next two kisses were non-consensual and the last kiss featured an extremely OOC Katara.

The fact that Zutara has equal, if not more shippers even without any kisses just makes Zutara more powerful.

Argument: Null and void.

"Zutara makes no sense."

Oh but it does. It makes an awful lot of sense. A lot more sense than their ship.

Like their personal character arcs are so beautifully intertwined? They literally complete each others arcs? Them getting together would reinforce the main message of the show: healing and growth? They are both so alike yet different; they balance each other so perfectly? Zuko actively works toward improving Katara's mental health? Katara offers him endless support? They are so beautiful: I cry.

Argument: Null and void.

"Kat/aang is cAnOn!!!"

Do they have a better argument: No.

Like yeah, we know. We know that Kat/aang is canon. But we also know that the Zutara fanon is much better. And they know it too. That is literally why they feel the need to attack Zutara whenever they can. They can't even state valid points in their defense? And when you state logical points, they just— ignore it? It's almost like they harp about canon to remind themselves about it.

Argument: Even the arguer doesn't believe it.

Yes these are comments I saw with my own two eyes in the comments section. Is it just me or do Kat/aang shippers chose to remain wilfully ignorant about the context of the show?

[such-a-random-rambler]

Birthday Surprise

heeeeyyyyy @lenle-g

Happy Birthday!!!! - sorry that this is a bit late, but I didn’t intend it to be quite this long so had to finish it today.

(Prompt was John and Stabbed and boy did I have sooooo much fun with this. I might rewrite this one day into something much longer because I loved this idea so much. So thank you for the idea!)

Hope you enjoy.

“So, then I pulled her up off the floor - “ Gordon explained, getting into the swing of it now.

“Yeah, I know.”

“And I said ‘Hold on tight’.”

“I know.”

“And I fired a grapple hook off, getting the angle just right to wedge it into the top of the cliff face, not an easy shot I can assure you.” Gordon gestured upwards sharply, now with less than half his concentration on the selection of root vegetables in front of him. They would all need chopping to roughly equal sizes to roast evenly but they could wait a second while he recounted his latest feat of heroics.

“I know Gordon.” John said, reaching round behind him to get to the pots of fresh herbs for the basting of the turkey. “I was there.”

“No you weren’t.”

“Ok.” Gordon could hear that eyeroll. “Maybe not physically, but I was listening.”  

“Yeah, so let me tell it, because I say something really funny in a minute.”

John nipped back round him to the refrigerator for butter or something. “You’re not meant to be joking about on the job.”

“It’s not joking around, it’s lightening the atmosphere and putting the rescuee at ease in a tense situation.”  

“Fine.” John reached round for a mixing bowl. “Before you carry on and tell me everything I already know, have you preheated the oven yet?”  

“No.” Gordon turned back to his vegetables. It wasn’t often they got a house full but tomorrow was a special day at the end of a good week. They’d only had half a dozen dispatches, no fatalities, not even a broken bone. Virgil, Alan and Scott were on the way back and weren’t they going to be pleased to see that John had descended in their absence. Particularly Scott as it was his birthday tomorrow. If Gordon played it right he might even be able to play it off as Gordon’s present to the eldest: coaxing John out of the heavens and a full Thanksgiving-style roast even though it wasn’t the time of year for it.  

“I’m going to get so many brownie points for this. You here, Scott’s favourite food already in the oven: this was all my idea.” Gordon grinned, giving a particularly tough carrot a few enthusiastic chops. They went soft and sweet on a long slow roast – delicious.

“Do you need those brownie points for anything in particular?” John squeezed past him again, back to the refrigerator.  

“Well. There might have been a slight incident on Tuesday.” He paused. “No wait Monday.” Gordon counted back the days since the thing with the sock, conducting his thoughts. “Definitely Monday.” He whipped around, triumphant to have caught John out. “But I thought you knew anything anyway, so surely -”

The words died in his throat. John was close. Very close. Right behind him.  Eyes wide. Bowl in one hand, with the butter rub that would be pushed under the skin of the turkey to make it moist and flavorful. Too close. Gordon had frozen at the slight pull of resistance from the knife in his hand as he turned. The knife that he had sharpened to tackle the carrots and potatoes and parsnips and sweet potatoes. The one he had been gesturing with for the last fifteen minutes.  

Gordon’s gaze drifted downwards and for a moment thought he had imagined the soft gasp from his brother. He couldn’t quite understand what he was seeing. John. Too close. His knife. Where John was. Blood, creeping across the front of John’s shirt.  

John’s shirt was almost brand new. Not that new in fact, probably a few years at this point but it still had that soft new feeling of something that hadn’t been laundered too much. It was one of Johns favourites, but he wasn’t here enough to wear his civilian clothes a lot. Certainly not to wear them out, so they were always fresh and neat and clean. But now this one was covered in blood.

CRACK

Pottery dropped to the floor, the aroma of parsley and basil and rosemary and more blooming into the air.

Gordon was still gripping the knife. He moved, just a fraction of an inch, and John’s hand darted out to grab his wrist.

“Don’t move it.” he breathed.  

Gordon knew that. One of the basic tenants of first aid. Don’t go pulling objects out of wounds if you’re not prepared to deal with the bleeding that will follow. He wasn’t going to just rip the knife out. He wasn’t. He knew that. But. It had been instinct, just for a moment there to get it out.  

But John, who saw everything, who knew everything, knew what to do. Had stepped up even with a knife in his gut.

Slowly, forcing each finger carefully back Gordon released his grip on the knife handle, with John’s grip still firm around his wrist and red filling Gordon’s vision.  

Gordon locked shocked eyes with John, noting his normally suntan-free skin had lightened by several shades.

“I -” John started, swallowing heavily and continuing shakily. “I need you to help me sit down.”

“You need to lay down.” Gordon corrected, first responder instincts kicking in from somewhere in his subconscious while his conscious was still largely frozen.

Gordon stepped around to John’s back, where he could take most of his weight in a controlled descent to the floor, then pulling him back until he was horizontal. There was a med kit in the book case. But there were dish cloths here. Gordon grabbed the nearest clean one as a compress: laid carefully around the knife so as not to dislodge it put then pushed firmly to stem the bleeding.  

John gave a reflexive flinch, squeezing his eyes shut and letting out a low groan.

“Thunderbirds One and Two on final approach.” Scott’s voice boomed across the room. He sounded happy, relaxed: back from another successful mission after a pretty damn good week. “We’ll be landing in five.” He didn’t know.

“This was all my idea.”

Scott took the steps up to the gantry two at a time, heart light. He was already in a good mood when he had landed: yet another day where he barely got his uniform dirty. In and out, quick and easy, that’s the way he liked his peril. Virgil was taxiing Two back in and wouldn’t even need to do a medkit restock today. He was loath to say anything out loud, but Scott offered silent prayers that this was yet another day they had come back home with barely a scratch.  

Walking across the hangers he paused mid stride at the space elevator resting on it’s own pad, tucked neatly into the corner. Scott usually had to wrestle John down for his scheduled rest days, of which today was not one.  John always, without fail, notified him if an unscheduled visit was needed  for health and safety reasons and there had been not so much as a whisper of anything wrong on Five for weeks. Which meant this was a social visit.  

Scott broke out into a broad grin and lengthened his stride, making quick work of the several flights between the hanger and the house. With John down that would make a complete set for the first time in who-knows-how-long. Scott wasn’t big into birthdays, his own in particular. They were just a reminder of how long it had been since the holes had been ripped in his family, and there was usually some sort of incident to attend to anyway. But maybe, just maybe, he might get a couple of minutes of them all together for his birthday.

He tried not to storm into the kitchen – the first place to look for John was by the bagels – but he was keen, so at first he didn’t notice a ginger mop of hair on the floor as it was six foot below where he would usually be looking. Was this some sort of post-orbital stretching? Almost continual space duty was taxing on the body but surely they could come up with something other than being a human trip hazard asleep on the kitchen floor.

Gordon was leaning over John, back to Scott.  Typical for him to be involved in something inappropriate but he had picked up all sorts of weird things during his lengthy physiotherapeutic tour of the world after his accident.  Scott shook his head, but frowned as his noticed a bright red pool of paint, spreading across the plain while tiles. What the hell?

Gordon must have heard him come in, for he glanced over his shoulder. Scott had seen Gordon look that pale and shell shocked exactly twice before. Once for Mom and once for Dad, and it struck terror at Scotts core in an instant.  

Like an optical illusion his perspective changed and a brand new and much more terrifying scene resolved before his eyes. John wasn’t asleep, he was unconscious or close to it. That wasn’t paint. He was lying in a pool of blood.  

Scott didn’t remember covering the intervening distance but in a flash he was standing right next to his two brothers, where he could see the blood soaked cloth in Gordon’s hands. And the handle of the kitchen knife standing out from John’s side.

“Help me.” Gordon begged, looking up at him, face ashen.  

Gordon and Alan leapt up from where they had been waiting on the stairs just out the medbay. Scott straightened from leaning against the wall. Scott looked worried. Alan looked worried. Gordon looked damn near terrified.

“He’s going to be fine.” Virgil said, giving his final pronouncement now the bandaging was complete. “It nicked a blood vessel but we’ve got that sown up and it didn’t perforate any internals. Muscle damage mostly. He just needs a bit of rest now.”  

Alan immediately relaxed, shoulders lowering and a relieved grin spreading across his face. “See,” he nudged Gordon, “I told you he was going to be fine.”

“I.... I didn’t mean to.” Gordon stuttered, eyes on the floor.  

“Gordon.” Scott said sharply, bringing Gordon’s eyes up to his, and Virgil shot Scott a warning look to take it easy on him, even if he had spent the last hour holding John’s stomach together for Virgil to stich, then cleaning up his blood from the kitchen floor.

“Whatever you are about to say I don’t want to hear it.” Scott said a little more gently but with uncharacteristic lack of tact. “Whatever you need to say, you need to say to John.”

“I don’t think he’ll want to see me.”

“He does,” Virgil said “he’s been asking for you.” As soon as he had been stable enough to talk John had started to ask about Gordon, and it was only a promise that he would see him soon that kept John in the bed while Virgil was trying to god-damn stitch him up. Painkillers always made John stubborn.

Gordon made no move to go in and Virgil heaved a huge sigh at the difficulty of having younger brothers. “He’s awake right now, but he needs his rest so get a move on.”  Virgil grabbed Gordon by the shoulder and shoved him towards the door. “We’ll be having pizza when you’re done. Alan go and put the oven on would you, you can see John later, when he wakes up.”

Alan nodded and scampered along the corridor. He was a good kid. Virgil gave Gordon another push through the door, and closed it gently behind him.

Scott looked tired. He always looked tired, but more tired than usual.  

“Not what I expected to come home to.” Virgil said wryly.

“No.” Scott agreed. “I suppose it had all been going too well these last couple of weeks, we were due for a disaster. I thought someone had broken in or something at first.”

Virgil had heard Scott bellow for a medic from three floors away and as he had rushed in his first thought had been an attack from the Hood or the Chaos Crew as well. Amongst the application of a proper emergency compress and manouvering John down to the medical room Gordon had haltingly explained there was no intruder to pursue. Which stopped them putting the island into emergency lock down at least.

“Do we need to do anything?”

“With Gordon?” Scott raised a questioning eyebrow. “I doubt it. He’s had the fright of his life. So have I. I don’t know about one year, I think I’ve aged about ten years tonight!”

Virgil slung an arm around Scott’s shoulder as they followed in Alan’s wake to the kitchen. “At least he’ll definitely be down for your birthday.”

John was only half aware of the conversation going on outside the room, quite happy to let the wonderful drugs do their fine work, but the soft click of the door and tentative shuffling footsteps made him force his eyes fully open. Gordon stood by his bed, awkwardly swaying from side to side and not quite looking him in the eye.

“Hey.” John -  mustering himself to say something a little more intelligent -  sat a little more upright. Not much more upright though.

“Hey.” Gordon returned, eyes flicking to the almost empty blood bag. “Does it hurt?”

John was just going to reach round for a clove of garlic when Gordon turned, and at first it was like a punch. But after that initial impact the pain morphed from something blunt and bruising to sharp and breathtaking.

“No, I’m on the good stuff.”

Gordon nodded. Acknowledgement? Approval?

“Errrr..... Virgil said you wanted to see me, but, well I don’t know, if you want to rest, or whatever, I don’t mind - “

“I did.” John interrupted. “I wanted to make sure you were ok.”

Gordon met his eyes in surprise. “Me? I’m fine. I’m.... I’m not the one who got stabbed. I’m the one who....”

Deer in headlights. John knew what that meant now. John was aware of every second they were frozen in that awful tableau, the slow spread of warmth outside, the frozen spear stabbing inside. The look of shock and terror and disbelief written across Gordon’s face. The big brother in him wanted to do something about that. He wanted to make the fear go away and promise that it would all be ok. The little part of him that was always on Thunderbird Five snapped at him to prioritise so he’d left that comforting for later and focused on the bleeding.  

John reached out – being careful not to pull on the i.v. - to take one of Gordon’s hands in his. “I’m going to be ok Gordon. A bag of blood and a few stitches, a bit of bed rest and I’ll be right as rain.”

“I’m sorry.” Gordon whispered. “I didn’t mean to.”

“I know. I shouldn’t have been running around right behind you like that.”

“I should have not been waving a knife around like that. I almost killed you.”

The kitchen floor was cold against his back, apart from where his own blood warmed him. It probably wasn’t even that much, but he’d lost enough to make him a little light headed and to be glad he wasn’t still trying to stand. He tried not to show how much it hurt when Gordon pressed down, but every breath jostled the metal protrusion. It might not even be that deep but his imagination was conjuring unhelpful images of being run through. John thought he had felt feint vibrations from the depths of the island and was hoping that wasn’t his imagination. His concentration was slipping and Gordon needed backup.

“You didn’t. And I’m going to be fine.” John peered into Gordon’s face to see if he was taking it all in.  

Gordon nodded, slightly teary. He might have to be told it a couple more times, but he would get it in the end.

John let his head drop back against the pillow: exhausted, fuzzy and ready for sleep. “Look on the bright side though, neither of us is going to be given kitchen duty for a while.”

[floofsol]

a promise’s a promise

word count: 1.5k (i apologise, this is a lot longer than i usually do)

member: Joshua

genre: mafia!joshua. prosecutor!reader, irritatingly posh-is!hreader

summary/prompt: you and your best friend made a pact. you both agreed that if neither of you had gotten married by the age 30 then you’d marry one another. it’s now time to fulfil that promise, the thing is, over the years, your best friend has become the leader of mafia. you have become city’s top prosecutor

warnings: cursing, mentions of blood and violence

a/n: i got this prompt from an ig account called writing.prompts.re and the moment i saw it, i thought it was perfect to write about sooooo here it is :))) on a side note, i do try to keep my reader’s “character” as genderless as possible, but i finally realise that i can do more to be more accepting. so from now on, i’m going to use they/them pronouns for the reader and if you notice, i also try to keep the reader’s past relationships genderless as well so that i don’t stay too heteronormative. so i really hope that you won't mind and this will obviously change how i write but i hope that you can still appreciate it anyway!!

You were never known for a sloppy memory. But you have never wanted to forget anything more than this, considering the reminder was in your hand. Said reminder was in the form of a letter. Now that you look at the letter, you even remember writing it...you remember sitting at the cafe with your best friend at that time. And if you think even harder, you can roughly recall how the conversation went...

“This is just sad....”, you pouted.

“What is? The fact you get to spend time with your best friend???” Jisoo was starting to tease you about your mood. You felt the biggest eyeroll come out of you.

“No, you idiot. I’m probably gonna end up sad and alone...I doubt I’m gonna be married by 30...”A sigh came out of you. You knew it was still a little young to think about it but being an only child, your parents had always told you that you would need to carry on the family line. But how were you going to that when you barely had time to have a relationship in the first place? How would you even find som-

“Hmm how about this....if the both of us aren’t married by 30....we’ll marry each other.” Jisoo said it with such confidence that you almost agreed without actually processing the idea.

“The fuck? You complain that my crackheadedness is tiring already and you want propose a marriage?” Needless to say, you were at a lost for words.

“Well...it is sort of a last resort for the both of us. And I’m pretty sure that the both of us will find someone by then....soooo, deal?” 

You could tell that he was being serious about this, that this wasn’t a jokey “haha here’s a weird idea”. And you thought to yourself, ‘Why not? It’s not like Jisoo would be the worst person to marry if it came down to it..’

“Then, it’s a deal. If we are both lonely, sad losers at the age of thirty, we’ll marry each other. Let’s seal the deal with a letter...” You declared your decision.

Why younger you chose a letter you can’t remember well but knowing yourself, it would have had something to do with a letter writing phase at that time of life. It would get really stressful and writing letters were therapeutic for you. You had found one of those services that holds on to letters and that would send them out at a later date. Both you and Jisoo agreed for the date to be the first day of the year after since Jisoo was born near end of year so a few days wouldn’t hurt right.

And with the letter dealt with, the both of you had went on with your lives. You remember that you parted ways with him because you disagreed with some friends of his. They would sometimes get into trouble and with you studying law, you didn’t know how to feel about this and when you voiced your troubles to Jisoo, he had dismissed them entirely and said that if you didn’t like it, you could leave. And to his surprise, you actually did. 

With that letter in your hand, you brushed the thought aside. You knew long ago that it was a joke. And you left for work, knowing that with your recent promotion to the top prosecutor position, you would have a mountain of cases to look through. The blood, sweat and tears that took for you to finally be promoted to this esteemed position paid off. You knew that it was an honour to be where you wanted to be. This expectation stemmed from your own overachieving tendencies and the fact that your parents had also worked in law, along with several family members. Being an only child only fuelled that expectation further and as such, people who were close to you understood that sometimes you had to pour your free time into cases as well. You had lost many relationships that way, with your partners saying that you never spared them any time or that you loved your job more than them or the fact that you could always procure a solid point in any fight due to your experience in court. 

And with every failed relationship, you came to accept that with your work life, you would never be able to find a partner understanding enough. Although that meant that you having a lasting relationship was low, you were content. That feeling came from knowing that you tried and you could accept if it wasn't written in the book of fate for you to find a loving partner. 

The letter brought you back down to earth. You were shocked, to say the least, that you didn't even open it until you drove to work. You obviously knew what was written inside but weren’t ready to face it yet but you knew you would have to sooner or later. You heaved a sigh and read the letter;

Dear future me,

I know that this might be sudden and this might not even apply to you now but you made a deal. Do you remember it? The deal might not even apply ti you now and it might sound crazy but hear me -yourself- out okay?

If you aren’t married by now, well then you are kind of engaged to JIsoo...go give him a call or something

And if you are, well then, you can throw this or keep it for a laugh lol

Love,

Me

You recalled how close the two of you were. All the random hang outs and Netflix sessions at each others houses. All those sweet moments where you remembered why the both of you because friends in the first place. Those thoughts brought a grin to your face.

Until you remembered why the friendship broke off..

You were starting to worry about Jisoo. Especially about the company he was hanging out with. They were definitely not of the savoury type. You passed it off at first, until you realised that it was affecting Jisoo as well. And that was when you knew, you had to speak up about it once and for all.

You were nervous. This would obviously not be a very comfortable experience but you just knew it had to be done. You decided that it would be best to bring it up as nonchalantly as you could which happened to be during a platonic Netflix and chill session. 

“Hey Jisoo,” you began shakily.

“Yea?” He seemed to not expect anything, which was advantageous to you.

“Umm, about you know, Seungcheol and your other friends...are you sure it’s...you know...in your best interest to be uhh hanging out with them?” It took you a lot of effort to bring this up. 

He heaved a sigh.

“y/n, it’s really none of business and also not in your best interest to ask...Plus, it’s not like you know what’s best for me and you also do not know anything about them.. ” Jisoo was understandably irritated. This was not the first time that you had hinted about this. 

His comment had really gotten under your skin. What’s best for him?? He says that you would not know, even though you spent the better half of your lives looking out and taking care of each other. And yet, he now cites that you don’t know anything about them either...

“I know plenty about the riff-raff you are hanging out with. They are borderline CRIMINALS!” You don’t know why you had shouted that last word but it definitely took a weight off your chest. 

It also seemed to dislodge Jisoo’s surprisingly calm attitude. 

“You don’t know anything so don’t say shit that you will never understand! You were brought up with privilege you never knew you had. My friends didn’t so I don't see what’s wrong with me making sure that get that privilege now. And that’s all I’m going to say about it. If you aren’t happy, then you can leave.”

And you did. You left that day and never looked back on your friendship. And if you had physically turned around that moment, you would have seen the broken look on Jisoo’s face. But you walked off, towards the future that you never knew was coming. 

The memories plagued you sometimes and there were moments where you felt guilty, after all in your line of work, you knew that sometimes the accused were partly innocent but a job was a job. And with that memory resurfacing, you shook it off and continued your day as per normal. 

It was a long day, full of paperwork and meetings about new cases and everyone was blabbering about a group that was becoming dangerously powerful. It was a mafia at this point and you knew that one day, you would have to face them and try your best to put them behind bars. 

You were more than happy to reach home and take a nice long shower and just..relax for ten minutes. But before you could even put your bags down, your phone rang. 

It annoyed you. The probability of it being someone from work calling about a missing file was high. And you answered the phone with an annoyed, “What”

“Is that how you greet everyone, darling?” 

The voice was lilting and somewhat familiar and yet, you couldn't place your finger on it. 

aight imma end it here for now, this has been in the drafts for a while as i was slowly writing this

as usual, feedback is welcomed!! thanks for making it this far!!!!

[gemstoneconstellations]

I love your fanfics! And I was wondering do you have any tips for original fanfic writing or just writing fics in general?

wow this actually ended up a lot longer than i thought it would, but here we go!

Original fanfics, hmmmmmm....

What I generally do is base things off of my own personal experience. Like all my iida fics are stuff that happened between me and my husband before we got married. Can’t help falling in love fic with bakugo, that was a previous relationship i had (which there is more to that story). Caught with todoroki..... thats how i got out of a ticket with a cop and how i learned that when i half check someone out and half start thinking about what i would do to that fine man in uniform (curse my uniform kink) that i glare/make a suspicious face. and when he confronted me about what i was doing, ready to write some kind of ticket for whatever i was doing wrong, i was so embarrassed that i blurted out that i found him very attractive and what exactly was on my mind and how i wanted to take that uniform off him.... that has happened with a emt too, i missed the green light looking at his bulging biceps after he rolled up his sleeves to write on a clip board.... he waved and i proceeded to squat in my seat and slam my face against the stirring wheel. escape artist cat was actually a dream i had, someone was taking off my cat’s pretty ribbon collars and putting ugly ones on her and i woke up sooooo mad, but i turned that dream into a romance story (reality kuiper was taking her collars off herself cause she was a brat) Stories about yourself, no matter how small you think it is actually has great potential to become a fic.

its also okay to borrow ideas from other forms of media. I do. example, Silk Maiden, based off of  an old batman episode from the early 2000s. its completely okay to do that. I’m not saying copy and paste the exact scenes. Just take the premises and then change it. some examples, like the movie Brave is the Scottish version of Aladdin. the princess who wants to be free and live her life beyond her princess duties needs to get married and she is not having it and wants to change the rules and runs away to find something new. premise is the same but how the story is told is different, one denies every prince and find her own prince in the streets of her kingdom and the other finds a cake that turns her mom into a bear that helps them understand each other and appreciate each other more. a weeb example is isekais. There are sooooo many isekais. japan, Korea, and china are all mass producing isekais right now. the premises are all the same, someone from one world now in another world primarily thanks to magical truck-kun who is probably could be branded as a mass serial killer at this point. I read a lot and i love korean isekai romance novels. I have read an isekai where the character was a villain who then was reincarnated with the memories of her villainous previous life who decided to live her new life by repenting by helping others but guess what? truck-kun came in the form of a airplane crash and she wakes up again in her first life’s preteen body before she became a villain. I’m reading an isekai isekai, author of an isekai met truck-kun and woke up inside the body of one of her characters in her isekai novel. all the same premise but told in a different way. i want to write an isekai for bnha! take a premise and write what you wanted to see happen between those characters if they were in that situation.

same for some fanfics, like you read a fanfic and you like the story that you read but you wished for something more. You like the idea but you wished that it went in this direction or you wanted different  types of interaction, its okay to write your own fic with the same premises. i’ve done that. (side note: but if you are gonna base off of it where a lot of the stuff is the same the give the proper credit where it deserves. no stealing peoples hard work) thats what fanfic was originally made for, fans wanted something more from their favorite works or wants something different (Thank you star trek fandom who started all this). I’ve read a lot of villain deku fics and i was craving a specific type of villain fic where “he really isnt a villain but is one but there is a reason why hes being evil cause it is for the greater good cause of deku’s savior complex and border line martyr complex he’s had since he was a child” with a side of “hero/villain romance”, “surprise quirk” and “badass” and a healthy scoop of “bakugo becomes a better person on his own without deku at UA through the power of friendship cause he has that potential without deku’s constant interference”. no one had what i wanted, so i started writing it myself.

also dont worry about being original. you can write a common idea that everyone sees a thousand times a day, like isekai, and people will love it. focus on how you are telling your story, dont put so much effort in being different. actually, common or typical tropes/ideas help make the story more relatable. two books can be equally as good but one person can like book A over book B because they felt more connected to the characters in it. they could relate to the emotions that were being conveyed. 

now writing tips....hmmmmm well not everything works for everyone but this is what i do

I write notes down, lots of them. I have notebooks full of notes for my fics. some people can just sit there and start writing, but i like notes to keep me on track and remind me of stuff i wanted to add. Writing it down makes it easier not to forget, cause you are just lying to yourself if you think you’ll remember the idea for later. i got dialogue, scenes, plots, random quirk ideas, diagrams, (12) oc profiles, outlines, lists, and a event idea that i have that i want to do some day, all in my notebook. If you are going to write a long fic i strongly encourage that you do this. Outlines are your friend, they are bones of the story Ex:

Hero By Another Name original outline:

meet at a fire, firefighter impresses kiri who will later seek her out

kiri is becoming popular and wants to share the fame

they bond some how(?)

firefighter kiri, kirishima needs to wear a firefighter uniform

firefighter turns out to be a mega fan of red riot

photoshoot

kirishima finds out shes a nerd and is cool with it

firefighter is now popular

camping with baku or bakusquad?

miscommunication

kirishima does a big confession

I always start off with the key things i want for sure to happen. then i start adding to it. I write out the scene i definitely want to see or i can see clearly in my head. i just keep adding to it till its at least three pages long of just outline that has some images, random dialogue i want someone to say or little summaries of the scene i want.

its okay to jump around when you write. there are some parts that you know you need in a story to help it move a long but it can be boring. so i write one scene that i want to happen next and then i think of what needs to happen to get to that point. like how in hero another name where kirishima shows up unannounced to her apartment  and finds out she hoards all his hero merch while not wearing pants.  how do you make that not sound creepy and have kirishima be okay with it? by adding bits of how much of a fan she is through out the story! when they first have dinner together i threw in that red riot shirt to help break the ice and that he would then know that she was a big enough fan to buy his merch and that she admires him and that he is an inspiration for her. then later adding that interview where she talks about how she became his fan shows that she has years of dedication to him as a hero. so when he sees all the merch she has, it would make sense to him that she had all of that and not go “huh, will i be able to leave this place if i enter?”

if you dont know it, look it up. research. i wrote a fic before where the reader was pregnant the entire time, i started at two months to birth. I knew nothing about pregnancy on how it can affect your daily life and what it feels like beyond what health class and child development class taught me. So i looked it up. there is seriously so much that doctors look for during those many ultrasounds cause there are so many things that can affect your health and the baby’s and did you know there is pregnancy diabetes? you can become diabetic only during pregnancy, like after you give birth it can go away or stay, the human body is just tripy. but thanks to that research, people who have had children before left comments going “yessss, i remember feeling that” or “god, this was my sister in this scene, it sucks”. Its that relatability i mentioned before that really helps and it makes the story more believable.

(this is just my personal opinion mainly here feel free to ignore) when it comes to smut, write what you know and not what you fantasize about. im not calling anyone out but i can tell from how someone writes sex that they never had it and they are most likely younger than me. i’ve experimented a lot in my 25 years of life and i find myself going “oh sweetie, thats not how the vagina/anus works” when i read fics sometimes. there are guides online that are very informative and tell you what the feelings are like that you would expect. dont rely on porn too much on how sex works physically, maybe for dialogue. (i think of porn as just live action fanfics for the human mating ritual fandom). its okay to use other smuts as reference tools as well, especially if you dont know anything of the bdsm lifestyle.

beta readers help a lot. if you are unsure of ideas that you have, talk it out with a friend. I sometimes do this for myself or help others with their fics. its actually a lot of fun with a group of people where you just keep shooting off ideas together about stuff and just go all out fangirlling to the point you are rolling on the ground smiling. this can help with writers block or motivate you to keep writing. also having another pair of eyes to look at your fics, not just for corrections but for input on the story can help make it better. someone can see things from a different angle and point stuff out to you, plot holes or things that you can add.

im not sure what else to say other than stuff like format and spacing. sometimes i see people who write too long of paragraphs or there is no clear separation between them. thats killer on the eyes and makes me not want to read at all cause all i see is this wall of text thats just overwhelming. i want to call who ever formatted textbooks cause thats how they do it and it makes it so hard to concentrate on reading and absorbing the info. if i see fics with no clear breaks or long running paragraphs, i usually give up half way cause i just cant do it. its hard to keep track where you are reading and you start trying to focus on it too much that the story is just lost on me. it is hard on people like me who have dyslexia (who ever called it that is just cruel to people who have it cause you can never spell it without spell check and pronouncing it is just ugggh) 

i hope this helps

[unexpectedcronchiness]

WOLFSTAR AUS AND JUST THEM BEING ARTISTS LIST, PT 9 of stuff that comes from the chat

i can just see sirius who was raised pureblood being able to dance and one day hes teaching moony and remus is humming along with the music allowing himself to trust completely, and be guided by sirius, not really caring if he's doing it right just enjoying the feeling of the moment, being in sirius' arms, enjoying his little chuckles as he steps on his feet and the content sighs when the end up just holding eachother, and rocking gently like i live and breathe that shit

OOh and painter remus is classic of course, but how about painter sirius, who paints in emotional bold colors, and smears and impressionism because he likes how freeing it is, without lines, and hes just always got a sketchpad, smells like oil paint, and is covered in paint in his hair. When hes feeling particularly emotional he does abstract and no one ever really understands except moony who only needs to take one look and understands instantly

and MOOny i know i go off on musical sirius but I will fight to the death for a moony playing soft acoustic guitar, or ukulele or singing with his soprano ass voice or singing with his deep rumbly voice, or even jumping on stage, shredding because hes so full of emotion and shit adrenaline and being on stage is a drug of its own, and hes got so many emotions and he pours them into every song he writes

OOH and sirius would be such a theater nerd, he would quote the classics, the iconics, the new and unheard of, he would swoon dramatically and he would pose, but when it came down to it he could connect with the audience in a way no one else could and he shines when he's given a spotlight and an audience because he does it for people, to make them laugh or cry or just feel because watching a show and crying along with everyone in the audience and the person onstage is such a powerful moment that you remember

And of course writer/lit major remus. He writes like there's no tomorrow, he has too many empty journals, and even more filled ones, he carries his laptop, at least two books, and at least two journals with him everywhere in a messenger bag and he wears sweaters and corduroy and he writes poetry that makes the people who don't like poetry feel things, and have to admit there's an art to it. He publishes anonymously and under at least 7 faux names because his style is so fluid, he writes to fit the characters and the plot, not himself, hes very adamant about that so he divides his work up into categories and coffee shops and late nights with caffeine and glowing screens at 2am is all remus baby

ok but like blogger remus and vlogger sirius, just imagine a whole story told through their blogs and vlogs of them meeting and it starts out like "there was this hipster idiot in line at the coffee shop today, i fell in love instantly and hated every second of it" "-vague sirius hand motions as he explains how this angry guy with scars kept staring him down at a coffee shop and its such a shame that angry dude hated him because random angry dude was so pretty"

also florist remus, taking time to acquaint himself with angles and nature, everything temporary as petals wilt and leaves fall off eventually, knowing every flower, where they grow, in what climates and what they mean in flower language. Florist remus writing love notes to his customer sirius who shows up to get flowers once a week for his house and he hides messages in there like "you look nice today" all the way to one day where he says "I think im in love with you" and sirius accepts the bouquet unblinking because he doesnt know what it means at all or so remus thinks and then the next day sirius shows up with a bouquet of his own, handpicked and messy, with leaves poking out at odd angles that says "i think im in love with you too"

baker sirius that fully believes that love is a secret ingredient in food and lives by that 200% and remus first goes into his store to satisfy his sweet tooth and stays for the handsome dark haird man with frosting on his face. Sirius who does desserts from all over the world because being pureblood had to teach him something and so he wants to share it with others and his pallette is so refined, and hes using the weirdest combinations of spices and they all work, sirius loves experimenting with different flavors together "ok like that but this time with paprika!" "its a dessert sir!" "thats never stopped me before my young apprentice, watch and learn" and he flirts with the cute mousy haired man with a pallette (almost, sirius scoffs) as refined as sirius' "theres paprika in this, why tf is there paprika in this this shouldn't be working" and they talk for hours about food and one day when they finally start dating sirius spends a gentle evening teaching remus to cook cookies as remus is a mess in the kitchen and as they take them out, both of them covered in flour and giggling, remus has the biggest grin on his face like "I made this, we made this" and sirius remembers the first time he made something right and its just sooooo

OOH and teacher both of them because teaching is an art form, change my mind, but they both have very different styles. Sirius is fun and easygoing, you can't walk by his classroom without hearing laughter, and he slips the lessons in subtly and tactfully and remus is passionate and straightforward and captivating and makes learning easy, and they could be teaching elementary school to college, all their students love them. Sirius would be so patient and gentle with kindergarteners, gassing up their finger paintings and remus would do the best story time with the best books and voices for the characters and making faces and for like highschoolers and college kids, they would be honest with them and so understanding to students who came to them (and students would, they were easily the most trusted members on whatever campus they're at) and with troubles at home, or just mental health, or just dangit they had a long weekend, and remus would nod understandingly and give them chocolate, recommend them to maybe the school counselor if they needed it or and ask them if they were safe and sirius would cry with them, and tell them stories about his own experiences because if anything helps its knowing that you are not alone, and you can get through this because other people have gotten through it and you're so strong etc and i just love the boys so much

architect remus who loves gothic revival and neoclassical styles and he loves the history in buildings and how they seem to defy the laws of science all while paying homage to them, and everything is so organized and planned, every calculation is perfect, its something where there is a right answer while still having creative freedom, all you have to do is dare to imagine, and then figure out how and he loves how permanent, how real, how physical every building is, how some serve purposes, and some are art, and some are both

photographer sirius who goes insane places to get the perfect shot at insane angles, who loves taking candid portraits because those moments feel the realest and he has a super power, a super power to capture it and share it and hold onto it and relive it whenever he wants, he photographs his friends all the time, he has a wall in his apartment thats just one big collage of his favorite photos of his friends, and then hes also very good at photoshop, getting that one color to pop just right, to change the composition just enough

[colesartandbooksandstuff]

On The Come Up (The Hate U Give #2?)- Angie Thomas

Background: I know that this isn’t considered a part of The Hate U Give’s series, but it mentions the events and is set in the same city, so I’m counting it. I am SO far behind on the hype for this. I am kicking myself for waiting. I should have paid full price and bought it the day it came out. Unfortunately I was a dumbass and waited until it was on book outlet for $7. I have seen the error in my ways and will buy Concrete Rose as soon as I physically can (I’m Sooooo sorry Angie).

First Half: Starr and Bri are two very different people. These are very different books. In the first half a lot of issues have been brought up, dreams vs expectations, poverty, broken families, addiction, brutality and profiling. The raps are amazing, you can tell that Angie Thomas used to write her own. I kinda wish that we had some real rappers make songs to her lyrics, you know? Release On The Come Up: The Album. The stakes are still high, but they are a lot more personal than in THUG. I’m not sure how the book is going to end, I don’t know if there is going to be a happy ending. ALSO! THERE ARE QUEER CHARACTERS!!! MULTIPLE!! That was one thing that I really missed in THUG but she brought it full circle. I’m really enjoying the book so far and will try my hardest to finish in in one night (I’ve got 6ish hours to stay up before I’ll be too sleep deprived at work and 220 pages, but I’m not a super fast reader, so we’ll see if I can do it).

Second Half: There were high stakes for Bri, but the solution didn’t compromise what she needed with what she wanted. It wasn’t as dark at THUG but Bri had unresolved trauma that she needs to work on. It also had a happier ending than THUG. This was more grounded. In my opinion, this could happen to more people. I have had friends who had their power turned off, I don’t live in nearly as bad of an area as Bri and her family, but there are people that I know that do. This book brought up so many issues that aren’t talked about. Whether it was the inherent misogyny of the music industry, homophobia, addiction, it was handled very well. I think that this was even better than THUG.

Overall: While this book didn’t have the cultural importance of The Hate U Give (Which I believe should be required reading for all people), I think it was a worthy successor and stronger in many aspects. I can’t wait for Concrete Rose and any other books that Angie Thomas writes. I hope she keeps giving a voice to those that don’t have one. 5 stars

[sparklyricee]

Episode 1a: Honeymoon Phase....Ugh!

It’s been about a month since the two dimensions collide. Earth and Mewni were one, and magic was successfully destroyed. Everyone was together, although people were still getting used to seeing monsters, walking around their neighborhood and there being four moons instead of one, things were starting to come together little by little.

A group of four teenagers were sitting at a table at Britta’s Tacos, having their weekly lunch together. At one end there was Tom, eating his taco with the hot sauce he puts on every bite.Janna sitting next to him, almost done with her’s and looking annoyed at the other two sitting on the other side of her. Star and Marco, wrapping their arms around each other and giggling.

Sure, Janna wasn’t being bitter about their relationship, it was just that they were doing this since they got here. Janna eyed Tom, who as well tried not to looked annoyed, putting on a fake smile and tried to make conversation.

“So uh..is there anything planned for today? Going to the movies or maybe play board games?” Tom asked. He really couldn’t of anything that the four of them could do without someone complaining or getting bored.

“Well, actually Star and I were gonna go to the zoo..I guess we should’ve told you we were going on a date later.” Marco explained.

“Oh no no! Don’t worry about it, Janna and I were just uhh.. Gonna go explore a bit and just wanted to know if you guys were free.” Tom said putting his hand on Janna’s shoulder.

This made Janna more irritated, not only there was physical contact she wasn’t expecting, but..he was lying, big time. Janna decided to keep her mouth shut since she promised herself that she would be nicer this year, but boy, this was going to be difficult.

“Oh well, okay! That works out then. We do feel bad that we didn’t tell you..” Star said before finally taking a bite of her taco.

“No, it’s okay. It all worked out so there’s no worries. Right Janna?” Tom said looking down at the filipina girl. He still had a nervous fake smile on his face, he knew this was a really...awkward situation. Especially since Janna didn’t not like being touched. She still didn’t look too happy. “Hands off dude.” She said. Tom quickly does so.

“Well, it’s almost 1:30, so I guess we better get going.” Marco said to Star as he crumpled up his wrapper and other trash he had. Star decided to take her taco with her for on the way. “ We’ll catch you guys later!” Star said as they both walk away from the demon and the bluenette.

“See you guys later! Have a good time!” Tom said waving them goodbye.

As soon as they weren’t hearing distance, Tom sighed heavily and rested the side of his face on his hand. “ Ya know, I’m as irritated as you are, but you could’ve at least TRIED to look happy for them.” Tom said.

“Yeah, but you didn’t have to lie. They’ve been going on dates and leaving early to do things together ever since they’ve become an item.”Janna complained.

Tom sighed again. “I know,they’re in their ...Honeymoon Phase.”

“Ugh, well, I guess I’m finished with this now..Are we actually gonna do something or did you just not want them to feel bad..?” Janna asked.

“Well, both kinda..Did you have anything in mind?” Tom answered.

“Well, you did say something about exploring this place a bit. That could be fun.” Janna said finishing up her taco. Tom finished his and crumpled up his wrapper. The two don’t normally hang out much. They seem to still butt heads with their different behaviors. But it was worth another shot since the last time the two of them hung out they were almost killed by a giant monster bird.

“Oh, okay! Well I guess it’s settled then. Let’s go see what’s new around here!” Tom said standing up.

This was gonna be an interesting time for the both of them.

~

On the walk to..wherever they decided to go, it was a kind of awkward since again, they don’t really hang out much and don’t really have a lot to talk about. Not making it any better that they’re both socially awkward and striking up a conversation with someone you don’t know that well is nearly impossible.

However, Tom takes the leap of faith and tries to start one.

“Sooooo, how’s life treatin’ you?” Tom asked awkwardly. Janna gave him a “are you serious?’ face.

This wasn’t starting well.

“It’s fine, I guess.” She said. Her face didn’t show it, but she was also having trouble finding something to talk about. She didn’t dislike Tom, she had no reason to. He was a cool dude, but man he was almost as bad at starting conversations as she was. She kinda felt bad.

They started their way towards the monster castle where Star’s room was still visible. Janna’s heart dropped when she looked in that direction, for various reasons. But to distract her from her thoughts she had to think of something to talk about.

“What do you think Meteora’s title would’ve been if none of this happened?” Janna asked. This caught Tom by surprise, he didn’t expect her to ask something like that. Then again, she was very invested in Eclipsa’s family and history so maybe he shouldn't be.

“Uh well, maybe like..Meteora the Returned? Since ya know, she was technically a lost princess at first.” He said.

“Yeah, that does make sense.” She said. Tom was relieved that there was an attempt, but still was a bit of an uncomfortable silence after that. He started to worry that if she was mad at him or if she felt pressured to hang out with him again. Even though she was in the same position, but he didn’t know that. He can’t read minds, let alone there’s no magic for that to happen.

“Dude, check it out.” The bluenette gasped pointing at a house figured shadow. Yes, of course she finds something mysterious and creepy to explore. Before he knew it she bolted towards the shadow and almost lost where she was.

“Hey! Wait up!” Tom exclaimed starting to run after her.

~

“Ah! Look how cute those pandas are!!” Star exclaimed. The pandas were sitting in their caged area, eating bamboo. They really didn't have to do much more than be adorable. “Yeah, too bad there aren’t many of them left.” Marco said sadly.

There was a few seconds of silence until Star turned to Marco frowning. “Marco...I really do feel bad for not telling them. It just feels like we ditched them.” Star said.

“Yeah...It kinda does feel that way doesn’t it? But it seemed like they had plans anyways?” Marco said while taking pictures of the pandas. “Yeah but, we do this..a lot. Like we leave to do our own stuff when we’ve promised both of them that we would all hang out more.” Star explained.

Marco put his phone down and looked at Star. They didn’t really think about it that way but, Star was right. It does seem like they ditch them a lot. Realizing this felt like a mental slap to the face, and why did they just realize this?

Marco put his hand on Star’s shoulder. “Maybe we should talk to them about it when we’re done then.” He said with a little smile. Star smiled back. “Yeah, I feel like that would be the right thing to do.” She said.

They intertwined their fingers together and continued their zoo date.

~

This house in the depths of a creepy forest. The trees were moldy and dark purple goo was dried up in certain areas of the branches. Tom found the house they were looking at. It seemed really poorly built with all the wood being crooked and off white paint chipped and parts of it put on unevenly. Windows were mostly shattered and even had mold on it as well on the frames. Seemed like a typical old abandoned house, now the issue was is that Janna was nowhere to be found.

“Janna?” Tom called out. Maybe he shouldn’t be so loud. Maybe that might set off some trap or some crazy person might come out of nowhere and try to kill him. Tom kept walking in circles and started tensing up. What if he couldn’t find her? What if she was kidnapped and didn’t realize it? What would he do then?

His mind started running with worrisome thoughts, to the point where his heart started racing and breathing heavy. He can hear his heart pound so loudly it was too loud..

“Hey.”

“AHH” Tom yelled and whipped around to see who it was. Almost gave him a heart attack.

It was Janna, standing there right in front of him.

“Dude where did you go? I’ve been looking for you everywhere?” Janna complained.

Tom looked at her in shock. “What do you mean?! You darted off and I tried catching up to you and then you were gone!”

“Tom, I did not go that far- YOU ran passed me when I slowed down for you to catch up!” Janna raised her voice.

“Janna, I saw you right in front of me the whole time until you just..suddenly disappeared.” Tom said more concerned.

There was definitely something fishy going on in this forest. Janna swore on her life that she slowed down for him to catch up. Realizing this made her suspicious. “Dude I swear I stopped for you.” She said.

Tom was starting to realize this himself. Usually if Janna was pulling a stunt she would’ve admitted it by now. Or wouldn’t look so worrisome herself.

“Look, let’s just skim this house and bounce out of here. Something’s weird about this forest.” Janna said as she started to walk off. “Wait!” Tom exclaimed. “We need to stay close, I have a feeling this forest is trying to seperate us for a reason.”

Janna opens the door to the old moldy house. There wasn’t much but a table, stove, and a dirty bathtub. Again they planned on not staying there for long so looked over everything as quickly as they could. There wasn’t really anything to investigate and they dared not to look in the other two rooms in the hallway. However, Janna did come across something on the table.

“It looks like bits of pages of a book.”She said handing one of the pieces to Tom. He knew he couldn’t take a good look at it so he shoved them in his pants pocket. Janna froze for a moment. There was something painfully familiar with what she was looking at. She couldn’t really read it but, she’s seen the writing before.

“Janna? Are you okay?” Tom asked. Her eyes widened and turned to his direction. “Dude..doesn’t this look like the b-”

Before she could finish her sentence the door slammed shut. Leaving the demon boy and the filipina girl in the dark of the room. Both of them froze in fear. Tom carefully inches his way closer to Janna so they don’t get separated again. Suddenly they hear whispers from all around the room, again the voice seeming very familiar.

Trespassers must die!

Trespassers must die!

Trespassers musT DIE!

Both of them terrified, grabbing each others arms look up and see a shadow of human like figure crawling on the ceiling, repeating the chant but now more aggressively.

TRESPASSERS MUST DIE!

TRESPASSERS MUST DIE!

TRESPASSERS MUST DIE!

The figure than hissed at them and was ready to attack. Janna and Tom had no idea what to do, they couldn’t use magic or any powers in fact. Janna had one thing on her but she was afraid it wouldn’t work. But she knew it was worth the risk.

The figure launched towards and before it could reach them,

“CHICKENBUTT!”

Janna snapped her fingers as quick as she could and threw her arms above her so the hypnosis would affect it. The figure stopped in mid air for a split second and then collapsed to the ground. Janna looked down at it once again trying to figure out who or what it could be.But before she could say anything Tom pulled her out to the door. “ Come on, we need to leave, now!” Tom said.

The person or thing that tried to hurt, still remains a mystery.

~

The four teenagers all met up at Janna’s house, they were in her room. Star and Marco wanted to talk about something really important. But so did Janna and Tom.

“Guys, I..we’re really sorry that we keep leaving early in the middle of our plans. We didn’t realize how frequently it’s been happening.” Star started.

Janna was sitting on her bed, “Yeah, but it’s been like every week you guys have done this. Just say you have plans and we can just figure out another day for all of us to hang out.” She said.

“Yeah, we plan things a little better, we promise we’re not meaning to ditch you guys or anything.” Marco adds.

Janna and Tom looked at each other, they were glad Star and Marco were clarifying things, but they had something else on their minds.

Tom told Star and Marco about the forest they stumbled upon and the incident of losing Janna while wondering around.

“Hmm, that sounds familiar.” Star said, Then it came to her why it sounded familiar. “Guys, you were in the Forest of Hallucinations.” she added.

It was starting to make sense why Janna and Tom were having trouble finding each other, they were starting to hallucinate, but what explained the unknown thing that tried to kill them? Was that a hallucination?

“Wait, that doesn’t make sense, wasn’t that forest demolished decades ago?” Tom asked.

“Yeah but, the only way it would’ve recreated itself is by magic.” Star said looking concerned.

There was a dead silence for a few seconds, Star’s eyes widened and suddenly started walking to the door.

“Come on Marco, we need to go talk to Eclipsa.” Star said.

Before Janna or Tom could say anything, they were gone. Janna turned to Tom and grabbed the pieces of ripped pages out of her jacket pocket. Tom did the same.

“This is from the book of spells isn’t it?” Janna said.

“It kinda looks like it.” Tom responded.

The two looked up at each other, Janna looked at the door and then back at Tom.

“I don’t think it would be a good idea to tell Star yet.”

~

[pennywisethedancingclownofderry]

Happy Holidays @give-me-food-and-ninjago !

I was your secret santa partner! I'm sorry that I wasn't able to find the time to familiarise myself with your oc's and I wasn't able to find a way to stick Morro in there anywhere so I hope this will suffice! It's under the cut! (Nevermind I can't figure out how to cut it off sorry everyone)

Thankyou to @coco-jaguar for hosting the event and affording everyone this wonderful opportunity!

Cole peered in through the glass, grimacing when he was forced to wipe away the misting of breath that condensed against the tank’s visage.

“Are you satisfied with your purchase?” Pixal’s voice was cool, yet it held a trace of amusement as the nindroid watched the gecko’s movements alongside him.

“Yeah I am! Look at the little guy!”

The ‘little guy’ in question was currently sleeping inside the faux cave that served as a shelter for the reptile.

“So, what will his name be?” Cole turned to face the android, forehead creased.

“I don’t know really, haven’t thought about it.”

Despite the lack of forethought alluded to in the previous statement, the gecko hadn’t really been a spur of the moment purchase, though it may have seemed like that to the other residents aboard the Destiny’s Bounty. Cole had been considering getting a pet for months and had spent many a late night on his phone, researching pet enclosures and care, hurriedly shoving the phone under a pillow when he heard footsteps patrolling outside the bedroom door.

Luckily, the assorted ninja no longer shared a bedroom, meaning that he didn’t necessarily have to run his plan by the others. However, that wasn’t to say that he had kept his newest acquisition strictly a secret, it wasn’t long after he’d decided on a pet that suited him that a certain curly-haired motor mouth had caught him comparing the prices of tanks on his phone.

‘Pets R’ Us’ was offering a tank for about $90, however ‘Petz Mart’ was offering one of similar specifications, except that it was priced at $150. The only difference? ‘Petz Mart’ had a warranty that lasted about a year longer than its competitor.

A weight landed on his shoulder and Cole jumped as his assailant offered his opinion. “I think you should go with ‘Petz Mart’, can’t beat a longer warranty!” Cole flinched around, staring at his friend’s freckled visage. Jay’s grin split nearly from ear to ear as he watched the earth ninja sputter and choke on his own spit.

“Sooooo, what are you doing? Looking for “Rocky 2 point-“

Cole slammed his hand against the lightning ninja's much maligned 'mouth of lightning' with a hiss. “Shut up!” he glanced about the empty kitchen, concerned that more busybodies would suddenly make themselves known.

He glanced back at his friend and was grateful to find that, as opposed to being offended, Jay seemed to be nothing other than amused. Cole could feel him smirking behind his callused palm and one gingery eyebrow ascended higher and higher up his forehead.

Jay then did the predictable, and utterly disgusting. Licking up the earth ninja’s sweaty palm, the broad grin stretched to near nightmarish lengths, painting his face in a sadistically humourous light.

Cole retrieved his hand with a noise of deep disgust, eyebrows scrunching together.

Jay noticed this movement and couldn’t help but quip, “I’m just saying! I didn’t think you needed any more pets than that lovely pair of caterpillars on your face!”

Said caterpillars then attempted to take their relationship to greater lengths as they pressed further together.

Jay laughed, noticing Cole’s glare. “Oh come on! It’s a joke! What are you doing anyway?” he inquired, not very subtly changing the subject.

Cole sighed. “I’ll tell you if you promise to keep that big mouth of yours shut!”

Jay responded, for once, nonverbally, by miming zipping his lips shut and then, somehow, throwing away the zipper.

“I want to get a pet, okay? I’ve been looking into it lately and a gecko seems like a good fit to me! They sleep a lot and-“

Now it was Jay's turn to physically silence the other. “Okay! Okay? I get it, I don’t need the whole rant.”

Cole turned his eyes downward, “Well isn’t that ironic?”

Jay chose to ignore, or simply didn’t hear the thinly veiled insult. “Sooooooo. . . What are you going to call it?”

Cole blinked back at him. “I don’t know, not yet at least. I’ll figure it out when I meet them.”

And so, Cole’s hypothetical pet remained unnamed, yet even when he did first lay eyes upon the miniscule reptile, still he had no idea what to name him.

Kai was the next to learn about the new acquisition to the ninja family and as he came across the gecko he came up with what he considered to be the most creative and cutting edge among pet names.

“Scales!” he claimed. “Scales is a great name for a lizard!”

Cole frowned, nowadays that seemed to be his default expression. “But we already know a Scales and I don’t think we know him well enough to go naming pets after him!”

Kai nodded, giving his version of what was considered to be understanding. “How about . . . Godzilla, then?”

Cole fixed him with the coldest glare he thought possible. “No.” He stated, steely tone leaving no room for argument.

Zane was the next to come across the gecko, exploring his friend’s room in the hunt for dirty washing.

“Why don’t you name him something with cultural or personal siignificance? Like after the first Spinjitzu master or your father?”

Yet again Cole shook his head. He couldn’t really see any reason to name a lizard after the first Spinjitzu master.

Besides, 'Lou' seemed a stupid name for a gecko.

Nya's take on the situation was just as unhelpful as she attempted to list the unnamed gecko’s physical features as a way of selecting a name for him.

“Spots?” She drummed her callused fingers across the bedside stand Cole had selected to hold the tank.

Cole didn’t even bother to lift his face from where he had mashed it into his pillows, which were luckily softer than those afforded to him on Chen’s island.

“No.”

Nya hummed, peering into the tank.

“Webby?”

Cole frowned. “Webby?” he repeated.

Nya turned and began pointing with her right hand at the junction between finger and thumb on the left.

“You know, like the webbing between your digits.” To emphasise the point the water ninja began to enthusiastically waggle the fingers on both her hands.

Okay, she was definitely doing jazz hands at this point.

Cole groaned. “He’s a leopard gecko, he doesn’t have webbed feet!” he snapped.

Instead of being offended, Nya grinned. “Sorry, not everyone’s a lizard expert, you know?”

She looked back at the tank, peering intently at the gecko, who stared straight back.

Eventually the water ninja was the one to lose the staring contest. Straightening, Nya turned once more to the earth ninja.

“Scales?”

“Your brother already suggested that.”

Nya’s grin flickered as a look of disgust crossed over her features.

“Well, that’s one great mind I don’t want to think alike with.”

Lloyd didn’t so much as offer advice on naming the gecko, but rather sat on Cole’s bed with a book of baby names. The earth ninja had no idea why he had such a thing. When asked Lloyd offered little to no explanation. Stating that he’d bought it for personal reasons.

Of course Cole could respect such a thing, and as such he didn’t question the green ninja any more.

“Aberforth?”

“No.”

“Abraham?”

“No.”

“Adam?”

“No.”

“Then what do you want to call it?”

Cole couldn’t honestly answer. He could only hope that the next person he asked would be more helpful.

“Sensei Wu?”

The old man didn’t offer any verbal answer, instead fixing his aging eyes on his hopeful student.

“I’m trying to find the right name for my pet.”

“Hmmm.”

“And no one’s really offered any good advice for what I should name him.”

“Hmmm.”

Cole blinked. “You’re not going to help me either, are you?”

The elderly teacher’s lips curled upward into a fond smile. “No, Cole. But I believe in this situation it is best not to offer one’s own opinion but to allow the other to formulate their own.”

Cole hummed in response, fixing his eyes on the aging boards of the land bounty.

The two sat in silence for hours, the elder deep in meditation as his student pondered his gecko. Eventually, Cole looked up to meet his sensei’s eyes.

“Ferdinand.” He mumbled, eyes fixed on the teacher's face. “Ferdinand sounds right.”

A small smile began to form on the teacher’s face. “And is that the name you think fits your pet?”

Cole smiled as he thought back to the gecko. “Yeah. Yeah, I think it is.”

Cole peered through the pristine glass of the tank.

“Ferdinand?”

The gecko’s eyes blinked from inside the tank.

Cole smiled. “Ferdinand it is then.”

[surveys-at-your-service]

Survey #250

"you’re so pretty, dripping sin.”

Do you plan on having children in the future? No. How big is your house? It's very small. Two bedroom, one bathroom. Do you believe that the world will actually end? Humanity, yes. The planet being inhabitable, probably at some point. The universe itself, life itself, won't, though. Describe your handwriting: Very fancy/fluid, a weird mix of cursive and print. Can you speak any other languages than your first language? Some German, but not a lot by now. I've lost a lot of memory of it. If you could speak another, which would it be? I wanna be fluent in German, but it's not something I pursue 'cuz I guess like... why. I don't think I'll ever really apply it to my life, nor is it something I'm DYING to do, so paying for classes just seems. Idk. What is one trend you think is stupid? I don't care. Let people enjoy things. Do you ever watch any soap operas? No. Do you ever get goodnight or good morning texts from people? Not usually. If I do, it's only ever Sara. When did you last go to the doctor and what for? I'm assuming you mean a general doctor, in which case, I think it was just a regular check-up a month or so back. Are you socially awkward? To a painful degree that I'm incredibly sick of. Can't be in a social situation and not feel uncomfortable even if it saved my ass. Would you rather watch a comedy movie or horror movie? It would depend on my mood, but horror would usually win. Do you know where your family came from? Europe. If you could choose to be any mythical character, which would you choose? Realistically, probably like, an elf or something 'cuz they're pretty unlike me so it'd be a nice change. :^) Where are both of your parents right at this moment? Mom's at church, and Dad is probably at home 'cuz it's Sunday. Have you ever seen a movie so ridiculous you couldn’t watch the rest? Yep. Does it make you angry when people text short messages back? If I'm seriously trying to have a conversation, it doesn't make me *angry*, just aggravated. What is your favorite animal and why? Meerkats. I could write a damn essay on why, but I'm not up for it, so basically, they are just extremely interesting animals with serious fire in a foot-tall body. Are you satisfied with your gender? Yeah. Have you ever kept a successful diary before? Not really. Well, I guess for short periods of time. I'd call them just "journals," though. It was something to do every time I stayed in the hospital, a good, insightful thing even, and just really at my lowest times, it helped me, but I never stuck to it. Are you good at admitting your problems? I think I'm very honest about them, really. Have you ever had a hangover? No. What is something you’re looking for in the next three months? I don't know. What’s something you normally cannot spell on your own? I have trouble with certain words where "e" or "a" could both easily be used (ex., "independEnce"), so I rely on spellcheck with words like those a lot. Looks or personality? Which is more important to you? Personality. Do you know any strippers? I don’t think so. How many times have you dyed your hair? Holy fuck idk. What is something that reminds you of your childhood? Cranium games. Do you think you eat healthy? I think I eat decently. Since I started paying attention to calories, I improved a lot. How would you describe your style of speech? Are you a fast/slow speaker? Do you stutter often? Generally, I think I speak quietly (but sometimes actually too loud, according to Mom) at a pretty normal pace, sometimes kinda fast, but I stutter a lot. When was the last time you’ve visited a family member’s house? What was the occasion? I haven't been to anyone's in a while... I think the last time was when I went to Ashley's to babysit my nephew a few months ago. Have you ever tried to construct a language? How do you feel about fictional languages (such as Dothraki and Klingon)? Not really. One of my old RP friends and I kinda-sorta had this "ancient meerkat language," but it was faaaar from developed. I don't feel any particular way about fake languages. Were you born and raised into a certain religion? What was it and have you changed your religion? Yes, Roman Catholicism. I've changed my religion quite a few times... Well, I don't like "changed." It just developed away from what was instilled in my head as a little kid. How do you usually feel when one of your favorite television or book series end? This doesn't apply to me really, because I haven't been involved in those things for a long time. The only one that I really cared about/was watching when it was current content was Meerkat Manor. I was sooooo so bummed out. That show had such, such, SUCH a colossal impact on my life. What do you like most about your town or neighborhood? Nothing. Well, it's small. Are you looking forward to any upcoming events? I'm obviously anticipating Mom starting chemo this week, but also very nervous. I don't want to see the physical toll it takes on her. What were your first impressions on your current best or closest friend? Lmao it's still funny to this day to me, our start... I just didn't like her. I thought she was over-dramatic and attention-crazed. What would you do if you knew a person that you were not fond of or even disliked, but they considered you as a friend? Would you confront them, avoid them, etc.? "I wouldn’t confront them unless something happened that made it come to a head. I’d try to be civil yet non-committal. It would also depend how I knew them and how much I had to interact with them." <<<< This. It doesn't seem necessary to just randomly walk up to this person and be like "hey you know you're not my friend, right?" Just leave it be unless something occurs where it seems more relevant. What are some things that you do to make you feel relaxed? Listen to music, nap... How often to do go to concerts? What was your favorite experience so far? Not even nearly enough because 1.) I'm not in a position where I can afford tickets and 2.) NO good bands like, ever come here. We only ever have country bands. The only concert I've been to was Alice Cooper, which was great. What is your newest and/or current passion? Newest, uhhhh. Idk man. I have a lot of current passions, but none surpass the Blazing Inferno of Love in my heart for Mark Edward Fischbach. Do you still have a fear that you had held since childhood? If not, how did you overcome one or more of your childhood fears? Yes, dolls. It's really mild now, but still, I really don't like porcelain dolls. What is your favorite type of weather? In general, a moderate snow. To actually be in, ohhhh man, gimme that cool, crisp fall air with a partly cloudy sky, very little to no breeze, depending on how cool it is. Do you watch documentaries? If so, do you have a particular favorite? I love animals docs. Meerkat Manor is of course my favorite. Is there a particular sentence or line from a book that carries a deep meaning to you? What is that sentence/line and why does it speak to you? I'm sure there is, but none immediately come to mind. When's the last time you ate bread? A couple days back for a sandwich. What's the last movie you watched on your own? UHHHHHHHH I think it was The Shining. Great movie, so glad I finally watched it. What about the last movie you watched with another person? Now this I'm unsure about, but I want to say The Lion King (live action) with Dad. What about the last movie you saw at the cinema? Was it good? ^ It was fucking great. I mean maybe I'm biased because it's my favorite movie, but either way, the hate it got shocked me. I know people were upset about like "oh they looked so emotionless" but like... they're animals made in the most realistic portrayal possible. I thought that was very cool. Do you attend school, college, or uni? I'm a college student. What do you study, wherever you study? Photography. What industry do you want to be a part of when you’re older? At least SOMETHING with art, or even animal rescue and conservation. How many girls can you trust? Like, two. What about guys? Also probably two, maybe three. How do you earn your keep? I don't. I don't/can't work (at least right now) and my disability case was just denied for the second time, so, y'know, I'm basically a leech. If you could speak three different languages fluently, what would they be? Not including English? German, Japanese, and Spanish, for convenience's sake. Who do you usually text the most? My mom or Sara. Baths or showers? Showers; baths gross me out. Cheese or tomato? Noooot a tomato fan, so. At least I like some cheese. Shaved legs or shaved arms? ??? I mean I think shaving your legs is more noticeable, but I don't care. I'd only ever shave my legs (I mean unless I had a good reason to shave my arms?), but shave whatever you want, dude. How many coats do you own? One winter coat. What about shoes? A handful, though I only ever wear my sneakers or flip-flops, lol. One word to describe your most recent ex? A soldier. Fried, poached, boiled or scrambled eggs? I will only ever fully eat scrambled eggs. Boiled, I'll only eat the whites. Fuck yolk, shit's gross. Have you ever been surprised with breakfast in bed? No. Where, in your current cournty, would you like to live, other than where you do now? Western NC, in the mountains. It's beautiful. Where wouldn’t you want to live? Several places, like North Korea. Do you like snow? I'm a kid when it comes to snow, I love it. Have you always got good grades? Up until college, I did... Do you like sheer clothing? With something under it, yes. List four things about your facial appearance: 1.) It's this really weird mix of dry as hell and oily; 2.) I have blue/gray eyes; 3.) I wear large, black-rimmed glasses; and 4.) I have a vertical labret in my bottom lip. List four things about your general appearance: 1.) I'm fat even though I've worked my fucking ass off to keep losing weight for two years now :^); 2.) I have some but certainly not enough tattoos and piercings; 3.) I'm very pale; and 4.) I have very short, brown hair that needs to be dyed immediately. List four things you like about yourself: 1.) I'm extremely empathetic; 2.) I care a fucking LOT about the people I love; 3.) I'd say I let myself fall kinda easily, yet I'm resilient as shit and will always get back up; and 4.) I'm extremely open-minded and capable of considering a whole lot. List four things you dislike about yourself: 1.) MY GOTDAMN WEIGHT; 2.) my teeth are too yellow for my liking (I've been exceptionally self-conscious of that lately as I've used whitening strips); 3.) I'm extremely impulsive with what I say and do when I'm seriously upset; and 4.) I will, without fail, jump to the worst possible conclusion in any and all situations. List four of your favorite TV programs: 1.) Meerkat Manor; 2.) That '70s Show; 3.) Fullmetal Alchemist (+Brotherhood); and 4.) Deadman Wonderland. List four of your favorite foods/drinks: 1.) Mountain Dew Voltage is my absolute worst enemy; 2.) I will ANNIHILATE the spicy shrimp fritas from Olive Garden; 3.) the shrimp & cheese quesadillas from Mexican restaurants are not safe either; and 4.) pizza is, of course, rather gucci. Cats or dogs? Idk, I really like both. Have you ever seen anyone famous in the street? Hunty I live in NC, that doesn't happen here. Are you hungry right now? No. What do you think of couples who have entire albums just for them, with pictures of them just randomly at home, doing nothing that really requires a photo? Dude, I love that. Cherish every moment with each other. Make memories, freeze them in pictures. Can you work the microwave? Well, considering it's the only thing I cook in and we've had the same one my entire life (ours is extremely old/can't be bought anymore and is SERIOUSLY durable with time, apparently, as it works perfectly), I know it well. Can you work the washing machine? Heh. Not really... embarrassing as that is. My mom does both of our laundry together, so... but I should seriously still know. She's shown me a few times, but with how abominably horrid my memory is, I forget again and again. There's too many options. Do you like your photo being taken? NO. Have you ever got into a club, whilst being underage? Never been to a club period. How many magazines do you buy a month? None. How many of them are car-related? "If I did, they certainly wouldn’t be car related. That doesn’t interest me at all." <<<< Big same. What about fashion? Well, I'd like ones that offered alternative clothing choices that you could order. Any celeb gossip ones? Ew. What pets do you have? We're about to have only two: my snake Venus and cat Roman. With Mom's cancer diagnosis and both chemo and surgery coming along, she simply can't handle our dumb dog anymore. He's needed to go for a LONG time, so we're trying to find a new home for him. Last gig you went to? Still Alice Cooper. Next gig your going to? Should Ozzy still have his concerts like he wants to after his treatments in Sweden or wherever it is, most likely him. Mom and I planned to, and we will absolutely go if he reinstates them. I'm completely understanding if this doesn't happen though; he has to take care of himself, the poor 'ole man. Bless him. Life's a cruel bitch, giving a legendary singer Parkinson's (it's going to disable him from singing with time). Favorite color? Pink! o: Are you regularly tired? Only always, my friend. Are you excited to live on your own? Completely alone, no. I know it would be extremely unhealthy for me with depression and becoming so easily lonely and unmotivated without encouragement and companionship of some sort. I'll have to live with a spouse. Even then, I'm nervous about it. Living with Jason and our friends in that apartment was both a good and very bad experience; it taught me a good deal of independence, but I still found it very stressful. When do you plan on moving out? When I've been in a long-term, healthy relationship. Do you daydream? Only all the time. Do you dream at night? More like have nightmares/terrors almost nightly. BUT! They've actually chilled some the past few days!! I don't recall what the dream was (but I'm 90% sure Mark was in it, A SHOCKER), but I woke up laughing hysterically recently, Mom told me. So that could only be a good sign. When you’re sick, do you like to be pampered, or left alone? A mix, but mostly the former honestly. Halp pls. But I also want my time to sleep. Are you superstitious? Nope. How many pictures are in your wallet? Ohhh I'm actually not sure. I know I have a handful of my nieces and nephews. I need one of Emerson now. If someone cries while watching a sad movie..do you laugh at them? ???? That is so insensitive???? No???? How often do you change your sheets? I'm... not sure, actually? I know at LEAST once a month (which probably isn't enough), but possibly another time? Idk, I don't pay attention. I just do when I feel it's time to. Is you bedroom upstairs or down? We only have one floor. Is it true blood is thicker than water? Nope. If you could wish someone out of your life... who would it be? Well, he's not *literally* a part of it, but Jason, as far as in my head. Remembering him, sudden memories, flashback prompts, all that jazz are very much daily events. Truly, it doesn't *really* affect me much anymore, it's just so "normal," but it would certainly be grand if he wasn't the most staple person in my head. If you could be with anyone in the world..famous or not..who would it be? HUNNY SWEET CHILD- Are you high maintenance? Nope. If you could change one thing in the world... what would it be? PEACE. JUST PEACE. No war, no violence in general, just. Handle shit like mature adults. If you could star in any movie... which would it be? None. I'm too self-conscious of myself to be in a movie, and I'm a horrible and extremely awkward actress. If you could live in a fairy tale..which would it be? "Alice in Wonderland." <<<< 100% 100% 100%. If you could live in the past..where would it be? The '80s, baby!! If you could see only one person right now..who would it be? Ugh, Sara. I've missed her to death and desperately wanna hang out. Do you wear shoes in the house? No sir. Do you dream in color or black and white? YO! I only recently learned this is a thing with some people, but I dream in color. What is your favorite accent? British. Do you write poetry/songs/stories? Poetry, occasionally. Stories, well, you could easily consider RP that, as we're all collaboratively writing many. Do you wear socks with sandals? gtfo of here with that shit Would you marry for money? HA, no. Do you have any “in the mood” music you like to listen to? AHAHA YES I'M SORRY. Would you vote for a woman president? "If she was a good candidate in my own personal opinion, yeah." <<<< "This. I want to vote for someone who I feel can do the best job. Their gender has nothing to do with it." <<<< Ditto. Are looks/appearances really important? For me personally, not really. Like yes, it's nice to feel physical attraction towards your love interest, but it's a very, very little factor for me, if at all. When you die, do you want to be cremated or buried? Please just cremate me. I really don't wanna be buried. Just taking up space. Do you like to play video games? Yeah, but not as much as I used to, though I wish I did... I think I've watched way too many let's plays to where I can enjoy just fine watching YTers I like experience the game, and I do secondhand while getting some good laughs. Do you like Final Fantasy? Which one do you prefer of all? Oh my god, I wish I was more involved in that series, as I know how madly beloved it is. I used to be obsessed with the demo for FFVIII; my sister, brother, and I would play it like mad, but only Bobby could beat it. The final spider-like boss of the demo was fuckin impossible. I did play a lot of FFVII, which I adored, it was just... so long and by maybe over halfway through, I just drifted from it. I need to watch a playthrough of it, honestly, because the story was so captivating and I genuinely would love to witness how it ends. Have you ever caught on fire? WOW no thank fuck. Do you have a YouTube channel? Yeah, but I don't really make stuff anymore. I don't have Vegas on this computer and honestly I'm just not motivated to really make videos. Do you ever go to video game arcades? No. :( Do you care what people think of you? In most cases, VERY MUCH. Not always, though, but it STRICTLY depends on the situation, big time. Like, I'll walk into Wal-Mart in my pj's np, but there are just a lot of things where I will seriously care too much. Have you ever had a crush on a teacher? No. I had one teacher that ALL the girls thought was super attractive, but I definitely didn't have a crush on him... and then later he got fired for sexual relations with one of the students. OOF. Do you like Lady Gaga? I don't mind her, usually. She's got some good jams. "Bad Romance" is legendary. Do you think you have been in love before? Maaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaadly in love, friends. Do you like Edgar Allan Poe? Love him! Have you ever gotten hit on by some creeper? Oh god yeah and it was awful. Do you bless random people when they sneeze? Yep. Do you have a short temper? No. Have you ever had a yard sale? Yes. Do you go to Barnes and Noble for books, the library or someplace else? I go to Books-A-Million. Do you have an iPad? Nope. Are you scared to die? Yes and no. It's the unknown of what comes after that makes me apprehensive. Do you go to church every Sunday? I never go. Do you think you draw well? I honestly think I draw decently. Have you ever wanted to be a meteorologist? No. Do you like Taylor Swift? Not really, and DEFINITELY not newer stuff, but I will rock hardcore to "Picture To Burn," "Safe and Sound" is positively beautiful, and "Love Story" used to be my favorite song at one point.

[bigskydreaming]

Tbh, my policy on pirating is pretty simple. I honestly dont give a fuck one way or another w/movies, TV shows and even comic books, bc the former two have managed to account for pirating in the way they pad their expenses and tbqh they dont really hurt for it. And with comic books, okay if you pirate indie or creator owned content you kinda suck, not gonna lie, you have NO idea the kind of effort and upfront costs that go into producing comic books without Marvel or DC backing you up, not until you actually try it. Its obscene. Especially if you’re not able to do all the art AND story AND inking/lettering/coloring yourself, and have to either pay other members of your self-assembled creative team upfront or on the backend. 

And this includes comic books published by Image (at least the ones without big name creators attached), because contrary to popular belief, Image has nothing to do with assembling the creative teams of most of their creator owned books, and they certainly don’t pay them any kind of wages or salaries. The way Image is set up is creators basically submit a complete first issue, all the art, inking, lettering, coloring, everything already done, to see if they’re interested in publishing. 

(Technically, you only have to submit the first eight pages in order to get a response, and theoretically its possible that Image has in the past greenlit books based on the first eight pages of the book, which then allows the creators some leverage in convincing the entirety of their creative team to put in the upfront work to complete the rest of the first issue still without payment, but at least trusting now that their work will see publication, but like, this doesn’t really happen much from anything I’ve ever seen or heard or experienced).

Anyway, point being, Image takes submissions and then greenlights the books they see as potentially profitable, but again....they in no way ever pay creators themselves. Creators only make money via the actual sales of their books, once published and distributed by Image...and only AFTER Image takes their cut, which is a flat fee deducted from the sales of individual issues. Its actually a good thing in some ways, that they only take a flat fee (their cut is for publishing and distribution costs, Image NEVER owns any part of the intellectual property they publish, unless they’re part of their ‘shared Image universe’ which tbh is just like, publisher Erik Larsen’s little sandbox for him and his friends and who even cares, those books suck, Savage Dragon is lame, Erik, and everyone knows Shadowhawk was a blatant rip-off of Darkhawk, and look, I love Darkhawk with all my New Warriors fanboying heart, but of all the characters in the world to rip-off, who the fuck considers Darkhawk worth being derivative of? So weird. BUT I DIGRESS. ANYWAY.) 

So in some senses the fact that they only ever take a flat rate is good, because in the rare cases of runaway books that really take off, the way Invincible and The Walking Dead were back when Robert Kirkman was still a no-name indie creator, like...the creator has the potential to make BANK. Which is exactly what Kirkman did, and why he’s now every-fucking-where, ruining all our other faves like who the fuck thought HIM producing a Chronicles of Amber show was a good idea, ewww. He’s gonna dial up the incest to 100, isn’t he? Sigh. UGH WHOOPS ANOTHER DIGRESSION, LOL YOU SEE WHY MY ADHD MEDS ARE ESSENTIAL, I ASSUME. 

Ahem. 

BUT in most cases, the fact that Image takes a flat fee off the top is like....shitty, because the last I heard - and tbf, this was years ago so its probably not the same anymore, but that means it could be worse - it was something like $2000 per issue. Which means the vast majority of indie creators you’ve never heard of before or after they published a six issue mini or whatever through Image never saw a cent. I’ve never heard of Image putting anyone in debt, like that’s not how they work at least - if your book doesn’t even make up to $2000, its not like you owe them for the remainder, but again, you just....never make a cent off it. So like....the reason a fuckton of Image books never make it past issue #6, if they even make it that far, is that the creators literally just can’t afford to keep producing out of pocket, financing the actual creative production costs of each issue themselves without making any profit on the backend, if they’re not ending up selling more than $2000 worth of issues once on the shelves, physical or digital).

So don’t fucking pirate Image comic books, plz. Just don’t do it. Unless they’re Erik Larsen’s. Pirate away, who gives a fuck, I hate that guy. LOLOLOL I’m such a petty asshole, ugh. Whatever. I blame my childhood.

ANYWAY. As I was saying, I don’t really give a shit about pirating from Marvel or DC, which maybe is bad of me because its not like those creators necessarily make bank either, unless they’re one of Marvel/DC’s faves and like, have their pick of titles at any given moment. But the way most of them are paid is Marvel and DC pay their creators actual salaries based on rates per page, and then Marvel/DC keep all the actual royalties themselves. The only exceptions to this are when issues sell more than 50,000 copies - that’s 50,000 individual copies of physical or digital issues, not $50,000 worth of sales like with Image. Once a creative team’s book sells more than 50,000 copies of a single issue however, THEN they start getting a cut of the royalties, as like a bonus incentive type thingie. But tbh, its pretty rare in today’s market for a book to move that many issues monthly, and only the top sellers of both companies end up in that rarefied air....and most of those books’ creative teams are the favored writers/artists anyway, the ones who have a degree of job security and never tend to lack for titles to shift to after ending a run on one book. Sooooo, they’re kinda the reverse of the creators who could actually use a cut of their books’ back end profits, but whatever.

So like I said, fuck Marvel and DC, like...corporately or whatever. Of course there’s no doubt that pirating has some definite correlation to how few books are able to move 50,000 issues monthly, but both companies have always been notoriously shitty to creators, and that’s not pirating’s fault, and less pirating honestly isn’t going to change that b/c the ones to benefit from less pirating first and foremost are still going to be the same ones who aren’t really that hurt by it currently....loooooooong before the lower rung creators start to see an uptick in profits as a result. And let’s be real, if Marvel & DC suddenly started seeing a surge in profits due to a marked reduction in piracy, they’d find some excuse to shift payment structures around again in order to still keep a lion’s share of the new profits while cutting the lower rung creators (read: new/just starting out/niche/lacking leverage creators) out of seeing much additional profits. Because the problem with creators making money off Marvel and DC IPs isn’t really pirating, its Marvel and DC not wanting to share the money made off their IPs, even with the people most responsible for those IPs generating revenue.

That’s the part of the pirating convo that most people miss, IMO....a rising tide just DOESN’T lift all boats, if one or two boats in particular are specially designed to make the most of any tiny uptick in a rising tide while all the other boats are made of the leftover shoddy materials and are undermanned or understaffed or whatever and can’t actually DO anything productive with any of the lift generated by the rising tide.

And if that made no sense, eh, idk, don’t blame me. Its not my metaphor.

ANYWAY. So that’s why I don’t really give a shit about pirated movies or TV shows or Marvel or DC books, though I do still think you suck if you pirate indie content including lesser known Image creators. You guys have srsly no idea how much harder indie comic book creators have to work compared to like, any other medium. It makes me wanna cry. Its ridiculous. It would take too long to explain just WHY its so much more of an ordeal/effort to produce indie comic book content than just about any other form of indie content save like, running an entire webshow with one or two people wearing all the hats while funding everything out of pocket and overseeing everything production wise and also being a key creator involved in creating the actual content.

BUT as I was saying in the last post, pirating novels is an ENTIRELY different thing, and I have vastly more opinions there than I do with other mediums. Because the publishing industry was designed to exploit and capitalize off the intellectual properties of INDIVIDUALS, unlike all those other mediums that are inherently collaborative and thus usually involve the combined efforts of several to dozens of people.

So at the end of the day, individual authors will ALWAYS suffer more from pirating, looooooong before publishing companies ever feel a ding in their profits. Because they designed it that way. Specifically SO that they, the big companies, would be protected. Its set up so that individual creatives, the authors, NEED publishing companies more than publishers need any singular author. Obviously the rise of indie publishing has changed this somewhat, but not as much as you might think.....because the thing is, indie authors are really only successful and profitable by the grace of Amazon. By the fact that Amazon can afford to pay authors 70 percent royalties on any sale as opposed to traditionally published authors who are lucky to get a ten to fifteen percent royalty rate on sales, with them not even seeing a cent of those royalties until AFTER their advance has already been paid back, if they ever even sell enough to make that happen at all.

And so like....its a very dangerous, precarious, and not at all trustworthy situation that allows for indie authors to CURRENTLY be profitable in ways or to degrees that a lot of traditionally published authors can’t be. 

But that’s only because Amazon is taking a loss on most of the books they publish, due to this payment model. Because Amazon CAN. They can afford it. They make enough from all their other departments and revenue streams to buttress those losses. And Amazon has been using this, and using indie authors, to leverage traditional publishers into giving up more and more of THEIR profits from THEIR books, by giving Amazon even steeper discounts on the books they distribute to them, to be sold to consumers by Amazon.

And again, like I said before, its the individual creators, the bottom rung authors, who take the hits here first and in the biggest ways, because it remains true that the publishers have designed their payment structures so as to use the profits of individual authors to compensate for their own dip in profits.

And Amazon isn’t doing any of this for the little guy’s benefit. They don’t care about giving indie authors a leg up, an alternative to tradition publishers. They only care about CURRENTLY making indie authors need traditional publishers less than trad publishers need them, for a change.....but ONLY so that Amazon can rake in the increase in profits first and foremost.

Because here’s the kicker. The thing I worry too many indie authors and readers don’t account for.

INDIE AUTHORS STILL NEED AMAZON MORE THAN AMAZON NEEDS THEM.

Amazon is VOLUNTARILY taking losses on their book sales, and have been almost from the start. Because they don’t NEED that department in particular to be profitable for them NOW. They’ve been angling for a long time to get as close to an actual monopoly on the book market as is possible under current free market laws. So the thing is....unlike traditional publishers....Amazon doesn’t need ANY indie authors OR sales. Like, AT ALL. They could shut down their entire indie book model tomorrow, and not really be any worse off for it.

And the second Amazon doesn’t need indie authors even as LEVERAGE to pry more profits out of traditional publishers....you better believe that 70 percent royalty rate is going to vanish literally overnight. Because there’s absolutely nothing in Amazon’s business model or legal obligations to indie authors that requires they maintain it, or protects indie authors from having it suddenly dropped to a five percent royalty rate at Amazon’s whim.

So the second the scales tip far enough that Amazon decides they really don’t need or want to milk anything else out of traditional publishers, they’ve gotten as much of a price cut or a monopoly as they’re going to get or want to get without forcing publishers (and by extension their own ready made product that Amazon then distributes) out of business.....Amazon is going to quite happily STOP taking a loss on the sales of all these indie titles, and say well, we don’t need you as much now, so we’re gonna just give you ten percent royalties, take it or leave it. Its not like you have any better options at this point.

So whether traditionally published or indie published, pirating books hurts individual creators in very real, tangible ways that creators in other mediums aren’t affected, or are supplemented or buttressed against.

I say all this not to guilt anyone, but simply to provide information. Because there’s always so much discourse going back and forth around legality of pirating and ethics of pirating and so much stuff that’s not even consequential or relevant if people don’t even understand the MECHANICS of how pirating affects various mediums. So they can then make INFORMED choices on how they feel about pirating certain content versus other content.

As I was saying at the start of all of this....I have my own personal stance on pirating, and I don’t expect it or need it to be anyone else’s personal model. Like I said, I don’t really care about other mediums, and when it comes to novels, I’m against it as much as possible, but with caveats. Lots of people, including authors, describe novels as luxury items, and as such say that nobody’s justified in taking one for their own personal entertainment just because they WANT it. I differ from that POV because I honestly don’t consider books a luxury. I consider them to be absofuckinglutely as essential to the survival and THRIVING of the human condition as food or rest. Far more so than TV or movies, which not everyone has access to, or finds as easily accessible. Bottom line.....I fall in the category of arguing that its not enough just to survive. People have to have reason to survive, to live. Things to look forward to. Things to enjoy. Feeding the human spirit, as cheesy or whatthefuckever as that sounds, is every bit as essential as feeding the body. I would not have survived my childhood without books. I would not have survived my twenties without books. Hell, I would not have survived this YEAR without books.

So, even as an author myself, and yes, I have written stuff that’s been pirated (I made a fairly decent living for a couple years as a self-published indie author of m/m erotica and m/m erotic romance short stories, novellas and novels, and those particular genres/markets get the SHIT pirated out of them. So trust me, I am VERY much putting my money where my mouth is on this subject).

But yes, even as an author myself, I have zero problem with people pirating stuff because they honestly, truly legit can not afford it otherwise. Its not a lost sale. If you don’t have the money, you don’t have the money. It doesn’t mean you still don’t need, let alone deserve, to have something to take your mind off your poverty, your stresses, your issues. And even if you technically have the money to afford a book, I’m well aware that doesn’t always mean you ACTUALLY have the money to afford it in any meaningful way. If you have five bucks to spend for the day, and a choice between a book and a bagel, or like, an actual sandwich and drink, that’s not a fucking choice that ANYONE should have to make. Use that five dollars to buy yourself a fucking sandwich and just pirate the book, I say. You can pay it forward when you get the chance. You find yourself with more money at a later point, by all means, go back and buy a legit copy of that book, your money’s still good then, and having had that book to enjoy at an earlier, more stressful time in your life might very well have contributed in even the tiniest of ways to you getting to a place where you had better finances and more spending money.

Yes, obviously, I am a big fan and proponent of libraries, and I think you should always go there first, if possible, to get your free literary content. Libraries are great, and they have a LOT more content, and more of a range of content, then a lot of people realize.

I am however aware that libraries are not necessarily practical for everyone. Sometimes you just plain can’t get to one, you have transportation or mobility issues or live in a household where your reading habits or interests are frowned upon or even penalized, because sometimes, parents are awful. Sometimes libraries just don’t have the content you’re looking for. Content is subjective, depends on staff, geography, community. LGBTQ+ kids shouldn’t have to risk being seen looking through the LGBTQ+ section of the library or checking out a book, if they’re not out at home or school or in their community. By all means, I would much rather a kid in that situation pirate the fuck out of their comforting, soul-sustaining LGBTQ+ themed books than risk upsetting a currently safe and secure status quo. Again, just pay it forward when and if you can, at a later date. And so on and so forward.

BUT, again, there’s caveats there, because with books, I consider it a case by case basis, and the case in question is the individual consumer. The above scenarios IMO are based entirely on the genuine, sincere situation of not being able to afford a book in any practical way, and not having a library as a valid option for getting that or any book.

This is an entirely different situation from HAVING the spending money, and being perfectly capable of dropping five bucks on a book versus five bucks on one of those much-talked-about-in-pirating-convos Starbucks’ lattes that you don’t NEED any more than anyone supposedly NEEDS to read a particular book. 

If you CAN afford to pay full price for a book without dipping into funds intended for other practical necessities or hurting or even inconveniencing you in any meaningful way, if you CHOOSE to pirate a book you can access or download through legal channels with just as much ease as you can pirate it...(again, I’m aware that due to bullshit territory laws, not all content is legally available in all areas at all times, and this isn’t what I’m talking about).

I’m talking about if you’re NOT in a bad - not just slightly uncomfortable - but BAD, financially tight, thrifty, constantly stressed situation where its honestly a Sophie’s fucking Choice trying to decide if you’re gonna shell out your money for the sequel you’ve been waiting on pins and needles for for a fucking year and its been the only thing getting you through some days....or if you’re gonna like, eat today....

THAT’S when I have no patience for your piracy, specifically. Not when it comes to novels and the bottom lines of individual, hard-working authors, most of whom have to spend their lunch hours or come home after work to soak their blood, sweat and tears into the manuscript that becomes the book you just pirated. I know what I said about indie comic book creators having it so much more fucking tough than anyone else knows or realizes, but that doesn’t mean that midlist and lower than that authors don’t work DAMN fucking hard on their product, even after working forty hour weeks at some minimum wage job that’s every bit as soul-crushing as the worst job you’ve ever held.

And you’re not a fucking rebel or revolutionary if you’re taking money out of THEIR pocket, when you don’t need it yourself, just because you can. You’re not sticking it to the man, or teaching greedy capitalist publishing pigs the error of their ways. They don’t care, and you’re just being a dick.

Entitlement isn’t always a bad thing, I believe, because we ARE all entitled to certain things. A broke, disabled person with transportation issues and disability benefits that aren’t even enough to cover their actual living expenses is IMO every bit as ENTITLED as anyone else to a nice, stress-free, enjoyable read they picked out because it was precisely what they were looking for and not because it was the only thing out of ten available options that looked halfway decent. I will never ever judge or condemn or disparage someone for pirating in a scenario even REMOTELY close to that.

But that doesn’t mean that gratuitous entitlement doesn’t always exist, and isn’t obnoxious as fuuuuuuuuuuck. You’re not entitled to whatever you want, whenever you want, for as little as you feel like paying for it, just because you WANT it. And just because you can GET it, consequence free. If THAT’S the defining motivation or influence behind pirating the debut novel of a single mom working sixty hours a week to support her kids PLUS hanging onto her dreams and pounding out her novel over the course of a year and a half on her lunch hour.....then yeah, you fucking suck, and you know it, you whiny little shit who identifies with this paragraph and goes "who me? YOU DONT KNOW MY LIFE!” Yeah, I do. We all know someone like you. You’re not special.

Just like I know that author profile I just described there was not grabbed out of my ass, but describes someone very real and not at all embellished, and she’s not even the author I know in the most stressful scenario-whilst-writing. She certainly wouldn’t even consider herself in the Top Ten. And her publisher passed on the option for her sophomore novel, because her much-pirated book never made back the $25,000 advance she was paid over the course of three installments, which meant after taxes, she got an extra $10,000 bucks spread out among three eight month intervals, or just under two years.

So yeah. That’s where I fall. Soundly in the same camp I fall in most things: Actions have consequences, and you should always make an effort to be informed on what those consequences are before deciding whether or not you take action.

Let’s be real, no one’s effectively policing whether or not every individual consumer on the web pirates casually, extensively, or religiously, if at all. Its not likely EVER going to be an issue for you. That someone can actually keep you from pirating because you’re genuinely afraid of legal consequences.

But you shouldn’t need the threat of legal consequences, the question of can I get away with this or not, to police your own actions.

And at the risk of giving anyone whiplash, I for sure don’t give a fuck about the legality of taking away from the bottom line of massive, multi-million dollar corporate interests if I can get away with it. I’m just as entitled to keeping my five bucks that I worked DAMN FUCKING HARD FOR, as the people most likely to see that money even though they didn’t log a single actual hour on producing the content they’re charging five bucks for, IMO. I’m perfectly aware there’s a shit ton of people who’d call that rationale self-serving bullshit and hypocritical, but bite my lily-white Irish ass, I don’t give a fuck. I’m comfortable with my own morality.

But part of the reason I’m comfortable with my own morality, is that it tells me that even though there are times when I think I’m entitled to certain things I can’t necessarily afford, there are also times when I know I’m NOT entitled to things I may just not WANT to afford. Any time you’re able to justify ALWAYS having things your way without it ever costing you any kind of concession, I think that’s usually a good sign it might be time to stop and take a second look at yourself. Nobody gets to have everything their own way, to their best liking, all of the time.

But the flip side of that coin IMO, is that nobody should be penalized to NEVER having anything their own way, to their liking, ANY of the time. And if that’s the situation you’re in at some point in your life, and pirating’s the only available option to giving yourself a break from your regular monotony or currently-shitty-reality? Like, who the fuck am I to tell you not to pirate that feel good book or movie that has the chance to let you go to bed later with an actual smile on your face for a change? Who the fuck is anybody to tell you that?

*Shrugs*

There’s my two cents: The Ten Volume and Unnecessarily Long Saga.

[reluctantrenegade]

365 Day Writing Challenge,  Day 179

Write a story in first person. 

I feel like that’s just an invitation to ramble about my life. So I will, thanks. 

Here’s a a true story about one time when I was young and naive and I decided to give NaNoWriMo a go. 

NaNoWriMo, as you probalably know if you’re a nerd like me, is an annual contest where you are challenged to write a full novel, 50,000 words at least, in the month of November. 

I always love the idea of NaNoWriMo. I like the idea of shitty first drafts. I like writing. But I’ve never been able to finish NaNoWriMo, for several reasons. 

First off, November seems like a mean month to have this in, because while yes, it is cold and atmospheric and everything, it is also inevitably, whether I’m in school or at work or whatever, incredibly busy. In America, anyway, you’ve got holidays to contend with, the back end of Halloween and Thanksgiving and the run-up to Christmas, and often that comes with people visiting and me having to take time out to spend time with them (not that I hate spending time with them or anything, it just, you know, isn’t time I can write.) Also November is my birthday month and a busy shopping season and bleh. These are my excuses. 

A couple of years ago, I actually decided to do my own version of NaNoWriMo where I still had to write 50,000 words in the month of November but they could be from different projects including journaling, and that month was lovely. Not only productive, but also therapeutic, because turns out that when you just are talking to yourself and you have to hit a word count you end up airing out some shit. 

But I have still never technically done it. And the only time I actually officially TRIED was when I was sixteen or so. 

Now, this was back when I was really just hearing about NaNoWriMo. I got very excited about it, I made myself an account, I made myself an actual physical calendar, I named my characters and drew them and did a lot of those sorts of things, like making lists, that seem productive but actually aren’t. 

The day, November 1st, finally came, and I was raring to go. Sort of. 

See...turns out that I’m actually a very slow, overthink-y writer. And I quickly got behind. 

I also ran out of plot early on and had to scramble for random scenes to do. 

Oh, what was this story about, you may ask? Well. This was ten years or so ago, right at the height of Twilight and also Twilight hatred. I was sternly in the “Ugh, sparkly vampires are sooooo lame, give me real vampires that kill people and are cool, like Spike from Buffy or Lestat” camp. 

I also kind of secretly liked Twilight? But knew it was garbage also? It was a weird time. Anyway. My story was, of course, a vampire story, but it was going to be about a “vegetarian”, soulful vampire like Edward who’s been a loner for many years and then meets a high school girl and falls in love with her, and then (you know how in Twilight Bella was always like, “Edward I wanna have sex” and he was like, “No no this is a Mormon book and also I would crush your bird bones with my mighty sparkly vampire peen”) at the end of the book they have sex and he does actually kill her. Lol. I thought I was so edgy. 

So, long story short, I got a little less than halfway. By November 20th or so I was behind and I was scrambling for ideas. I literally went through my entire document and basically ruined it by removing all of the contractions, because Microsoft word counted things like “isn’t” as one word but “is not” as two. Why did I do this. 

Shortly after doing this, I realized it wasn’t fun and I didn’t want to be doing it on my birthday, so I quit. And I thought, you know, maybe writing isn’t for me. 

Which is funny, because I haven’t always been the most consistent writer, but I’ve always come back to it throughout all the phases in my life. It’s hard and annoying but I literally love it so so much and my ideal life is to just be able to write but also talk to people sometimes and have health insurance. 

I guess the moral of the story is that you shouldn’t rush to conclusions about yourself based on one disappointing try at something. And also I’m doing Camp NaNoWriMo like literally tomorrow pray for me lol. 

[ellanainthetardis]

Sooooo will Haymitch be saved from his own demons? Let me know what you think!!!

[ff] or [AO3]

Chapter 42 : Hurt Isn’t Dead

The hand that whacked the pills out of his palm was very real.

He looked up into the wide tearful blue eyes of one very pissed off Effie Trinket and he blinked, the last of his dreamlike state slowly unwavering around him. The ghosts were gone.

Effie didn’t pause to think. She was shivering, clad only in the white shirt he had worn at the party earlier, but she didn’t seem to notice, she pulled him back on the roof, forced him to get off the parapet and, once he had his two feet firmly on the ground, she slapped him.

Hard enough that his head turned to the side.

He opened his mouth to make sure his jaw was still working and looked back at her, not quite sure…

He didn’t see the second one coming.

And he figured he deserved it.

His left cheek was burning. The pain and the sense of threat were enough to make him angry. It was instinct. A defense mechanism. He wouldn’t let anyone hurt him. Not after the arena. Not after everything.

It also brought him some much needed clarity.

He glared at her and, this time, when she lifted her hand to hit him again, he caught her wrist. Instead of settling, though, she started pummeling his chest with her free fist. It was designed to hurt because she aimed at the bruises and the pain that flared in his chest was anything but welcomed. It made him high with adrenaline.

He blocked her punch with a growl and twisted her arm at the small of her back, trapping her against his chest. “Stop that.”

She struggled, tears running down her cheeks but fury in her gaze.

“You stupid, idiotic…” she snapped. “You fucking…”

He kissed her. Hard. He pushed his tongue in her mouth, pretended he couldn’t tell her wriggling had more to do with her trying to get away than trying to get him hot and bothered… She bit down on his bottom lip, equally hard, and he drew back with a hiss, tasting blood.

“You’re pushing all my triggers.” he warned in a low dangerous voice.

Hitting him, the taste of blood… She was making the victor come forth and that…

“Oh, my apologies, Haymitch, am I?” she hissed, glaring daggers at him. “Should I just have let you kill yourself, then? Would that help with those triggers of yours?”

“I wasn’t…” he lied.

“Shut up.” she spat. She tried to shrug his grip off but he didn’t want to let her go. He was a little too afraid she would leave for good. “Don’t you dare lie to me. Don’t you dare. Don’t you…” Suddenly, it was as if the fight had left her. She slumped against him, defeated. “This is irony at its finest. I bought those pills to do exactly that.”

“What?” he frowned, alarmed.

“I couldn’t watch you die.” she confessed. “I couldn’t watch and…” She shook her head, glaring at him again. “But I would never do that to you. I would never leave you alone. Dammit, Haymitch, how can you even think about… Don’t you know what it would do to me? Don’t you know? I can’t live without you! I can’t…”

Her voice broke and she turned her head away.

He stopped restraining her. One hand settled on her hip, the other hesitantly brushed her cheek.

“I’m gonna get you killed.” he muttered. “It’s better if…”

“Tough luck because if you die, I die.” she hissed. “Don’t you dare think I wouldn’t. If you kill yourself, I will do the very same thing. Is that what you want?”

“Are you fucking blackmailing me by threatening to commit suicide?” he scowled, angry beyond measure. He cupped her cheek more firmly, forcing her to look at him. “I want you safe. That’s the fucking point. You don’t know…”

“You die, I die.” she cut him off, shoving him away. “Deal with it. I will keep you alive if it is the last thing I do.”

��I killed them!” He hadn’t meant to raise his voice but that was exactly how it came out. “I fucking killed them! You know how many deaths I have on my conscience? You know…”

“You are hurt.” she countered, running her hands in her hair, tugging at the roots, clearly upset and desperate. “Hurt isn’t dead.”

“Well, maybe it is!” he shouted, his own voice breaking too. “’Cause I fucking feel fucking dead.”

Her arms fell back to her side, limp and heavy.

“I love you.” she whispered with a quiet sort of despair.

He rubbed his face, annoyed to realize he was an open book at that moment. He couldn’t hide the pain and turmoil. It was out for everyone to see.

And those words… He wasn’t sure how something could be so good to hear and so painful at the same time.

“It’s not something you can kiss better, Effie.” he scoffed. “It’s just… I killed them. I hurt you. I can’t look at Peeta without remembering…” He took a deep breath and lifted his arms a little before letting them fall in a helpless gesture. “That’s what you want for the rest of your life? A broken murderer? I’m weak and pathetic. I’m not a good man. I’m gonna hurt you again. I’m gonna lose control and I’m gonna hurt you and…” He shook his head, turning his back on her, crossing the short distance to the edge... “I don’t wanna hurt you. I don’t wanna be that guy.”

She came closer but she was smart enough not to touch. He could hear her shaky breathing, how difficult it was for her to keep collected. She was terrified. He had rarely seen her that scared.

“We had sex.” she stated. She aimed for firm but her voice was wavering. “Yes, it was a little hardcore but it was nothing I couldn’t handle. I can handle more if it comes down to that and I don’t mind. I enjoyed it. You didn’t hurt me. We had sex. That’s all it was.”

“I hit you just because it made me feel better.” he spat. “That’s not sex. That’s…”

“And it made me come.” she cut him off. “That’s very much sex. Kinky sex if you will but still.”

“You don’t get it.” he growled, sweeping the mug and her clutch off the wall in an angry move. They crashed on the floor. The mug shattered in a few big pieces and he couldn’t help but admire the metaphor for what it was: his fucking life.

“Oh, on the contrary. I do.” she hissed. “You think because you got a little heated during sex, when you were particularly upset because the man you hate most had just humiliated you in front of the woman you love and your surrogate son, now you are some sort of abusive man who will hit his wife at any given opportunity. How off the mark am I?”

He clenched his jaw and stared at the city below. At the colorful beams piercing the night and the people partying in the streets…

His silence must have been enough of an admission because she stepped closer.

He wanted to flee.

He wanted to run and never look back but he was rooted to the spot. She placed a hand on his back and he flinched, his whole body tensing…

“For such a clever man you are being particularly thick.” she huffed. “There are men who send that vibe, you know. Danger, do not approach… I have never been scared with you. Not once. Not even when sex wanders on the very rough side. At no point in the last thirteen years did I ever get scared you would physically hurt me. At no point.”

“Things are different now.” he mumbled.

“Are they?” she snorted. “Because I just touched you when you very much wanted me to leave you alone and instead of striking out in anger, you flinched in fear of hurting me.” She pressed her lips against the scars on his back. “You are a good man, Haymitch. And I trust you with everything I have. My body. My heart. You need to trust me back.”

“I trust you.” he protested, distracted by the way her mouth was running around his shoulder blade, dropping slow kisses at random.

“Then trust I am smart enough to handle myself.” she retorted. “To handle you.”

“I’m dangerous.” he begged. “Why can’t you see…”

“Not to me.” she interrupted. “You would break your own hand before you lifted it on me. I know that with everything I have.”

“The other night…” he snapped.

Arms sneaked around his waist and the lips on his back became more insistent. She nipped at the base of his neck, making him hiss in a mix of pleasure and pain.

“The other night was nothing I did not consent to. I asked you to use me. I needed it as much as you did.” she replied impatiently. “And you took care of me afterwards. You did nothing wrong.”

“I did plenty wrong.” he argued.

She sighed against his skin and rested her forehead between his shoulder blades. “Alright. Tell me what. What is worth swallowing those pills over? What is worth making me find your cold corpse first thing in the morning? What is worth hurting me that way?”

“It’s not about you.” he grumbled.

“We are married. You married me. Do you even remember that?” she snarled, tightening her grip on his waist until it became uncomfortable. “It is about me.”

He covered her hands with his, played with the iris shaped ring with his thumb…

“I’m gonna be a burden.” he muttered. “Can’t function. Not fair on you.”

“Give yourself some time.” she chided. “It won’t get better in a few days. I know that. But in time… Once we can leave the penthouse and we can move to my apartment…”

“It’s not gonna be magically better at your place, sweetheart.” he breathed out. “And it’s not just about us either. I do something wrong and…”

“We will manage.” she promised. “We are good at that, you and I. Surviving.”

He couldn’t argue with that. She was a master in her trade of masks and pretence. And he was usually good at swimming in hot water.

But he was so exhausted…

Her nose was gently nuzzling his skin and he found himself relaxing without really realizing.

“I want a life with you.” he confessed slowly, surprising even himself. He closed his eyes, his throat tightening. “But that’s betraying them, yeah? They’re dead, half of them ‘cause I killed them, and I’m gonna play house with my escort? How’s that right? How’s that fair?”

“It isn’t.” she admitted. “But nothing ever is.” She remained silent for a bit and, when she talked again, there was too much pain and fear in her voice. “You have to promise me you won’t try something like this again. I can’t be worried about that every second of the day, Haymitch. This Quell… You had the worst of it, I know this, but… It was hard on me too.”

She sounded strangely vulnerable, as if she wasn’t sure he wouldn’t push her away for expressing her own grief.

Maybe, he told himself, he had looked at this all wrong.

He had made it all about himself ever since he had woken up. His sanity… His pain… He wasn’t sure he was quite back to himself yet. He still felt strangely adrift. But maybe… Maybe all he needed was a purpose.

He turned around in her arms and embraced her back.

“I loved her too, you know.” she mumbled, refusing to meet his eyes. “And Finnick… Mags… Cecelia… I spent every second after the launch praying it would be them and not either of you and a part of me… A part of me was hoping it would be Katniss instead of…”

He kissed her because he didn’t want to hear it.

He kissed her gently, slowly… He wasn’t the best one to give absolution but that was what it tasted it like: forgiveness. He knew it was an empty wish but they would never survive if they kept on clinging to that guilt. Effie would never survive that way. He was used to it.

She deepened the kiss and it grew heated. Her hands were running on his back, following the path of the scars… He fisted the light fabric of the shirt at her waist, pulling it up… She tugged and he followed after her, chasing after her mouth every time she drew back, until she had her back to the wall next to the door and all he could feel was the warmth of her body.

They had been in that position countless times before. She wrapped her leg around his waist and he ran his palm under her thigh. She made a little frustrated noise when he didn’t lift her up like she obviously wanted.

It wasn’t a up-against-the-wall kind of night though.

He stopped kissing her long enough to step back.

“Haymitch.” she whined only to shriek when he scooped her up bridal style. She immediately wrapped her arms around his neck. “Your ribs…”

“Don’t worry about that.” he muttered even though it wasn’t doing them any good. The shoulder was the worst though. The wound was closed but it still felt tender.

She searched his face for a second but he was already taking the stairs two steps at a time so she must have decided he knew what he was doing. She started attacking his neck, expertly licking, nibbling and kissing at one particular spot. She was working on making the king of hickeys but he didn’t protest.

It didn’t matter anymore.

They didn’t need to hide.

By the time they reached the bedrooms corridor all that biting had made him hot and bothered. She was having fun at his expense, running her nails against his shoulder and back…  

Her arms tightened around his neck when they reached the bedroom and he could tell she was expecting him to toss her. He lied her down instead, covering her body with his, going back to kissing her, letting the heat build up…

It reminded him of the last night of the Tour, of making love for the first time…  

She unbuttoned the shirt with impatience, which made him smirk even as he kicked off the sweatpants.

She let out a sigh of relief once it was skin on skin, sliding a leg between his, rubbing herself on his thigh… They didn’t seem to be able to stop kissing. It was feverish. She arched every time his fingers brushed against her stomach, her breasts… His mouth wandered down her jaw to her throat and he reverently kissed every bruise his fingers had left.

Her fingers coiled firmly around him, slowly tugging and squeezing in the way he liked best.

His lips wandered to her collarbone and then lower. He sucked a nipple in his mouth, pinched the other one… She squeezed him hard in an instinctive answer and the noises they were both making told him foreplay was all well and good but they needed more. His thigh was drenched as it was and her rubbing was becoming a little desperate.

“Don’t leave me…” she begged when he gently nudged her hand away and settled between her legs.

He buried himself in her in one powerful thrust that made her cry out, her head thrown back in ecstasy, her eyelids fluttering closed…

“Never.” he promised in a rough whisper.

Her blue eyes bore into his, her nails digging hard in his lower back. “Swear it.”

He didn’t like making oaths he couldn’t keep. He knew what she was asking though. He thought back to those pills and, now that she was there with him and he felt completely lucid, he was a bit scared of what had gotten into him. He had never listened to the voices before. He wasn’t that kind of coward. It wasn’t him to opt for the easy way out. It wasn’t him.

“I swear.” he offered.

Her eyes filled with tears of relief that she blinked away. He kissed the ones that slipped through and rolled on her cheeks.

Then he started to move.

He kept the pace tantalizingly slow. He kissed and worshipped her body because he wanted her to know, without a single doubt, that this was still something he wanted.

Her.

Them.

He didn’t have much to live for but he had her and it would have to be enough.