#there is no set of objective rules that will keep you safe always

[kianaisspiraling]

Immortal GIGS Crew Phasmophobia AU

GIGS phasmo AU where they're basically just a group of retired immortals having fun :D

Impulse and Skizz started working for this ghost hunting company, and since they can't die, instead of reading the manual they decided to just fuck around and find out.

In truth, they kinda just showed up and started taking jobs. The company was gonna find these intruders and punish them at first, but when the spectacular results started coming in, the higher-ups hesitantly decided to let it go, since none of their actual employees were brave enough to take the cases Impulse and Skizz did.

Eventually, their results from one investigation were left with a letter requesting payment, since they didn't wanna keep using the cheap starter equipment in the van they "borrowed." So if the company slips an envelope full of cash into their own mailbox every time they receive a report for the mystery workers to take, and sometimes equipment disappears from storage with cash in its place, they simply would look the other way.

Later they drag Grian, Scar, and Gem into their shenanigans and they also fuck around and find out.

To the company, the GIGS Crew is their best team, even if they don't know much about them. They always take their hardest, most fatal jobs, and walk out completely fine.

Little do they know these eldritch entities die repeatedly and they scream like little girls. What is considered an almost certainly fatal job for any regular person, is just a game to the GIGS.

For example, all manuals say to snap pictures of cursed items, and safely return them to HQ to be disposed of in a contained area. GIGS crew though? None of them have the self control to not use those. Every single one of them would pull every tarot card for fun and you know it. Manual says to under no circumstances touch a summoning circle. GIGS does not read the manual.

They even set some rules early on, afterall this is a game to them, and what fun is a game if you can't die? So essentially they declared that if a ghost was to hit you with what would be a killing blow, you have to go into spectral form, in which you detach from your body and hover about like a spectator. Think Dr. Strange. The only thing they're allowed to do in this form is pick stray items up, and if everyone "dies" they have to jump ship and come back again later.

They can be 'revived' by the monkey paw or something too. Thing is, despite the fact that they don't need to, they still say, "I wish for Life," before the 'dead' person returns to their body. If this causes some recently dead guy a block away to suddenly wake up fine, sue them. They're causing miracles over here, be grateful!

Now imagine something happens one day that causes a human mortal that also works for the company in some regard to bare witness to GIGS' unhinged method of investigation. They're playing with cursed objects like toys, purposefully triggering hunts, and—

Unnamed is sitting in the van watching the camera closely when it happens. They've been tasked as a fifth, no wait, sixth member of the legendary GIGS crew for the day, since there's apparently a girl named Gem that subs in for Scar half the time. They're thinking that, sure, this team's been a bit reckless so far, but who are they to judge? These guys are THE professionals, after all. However, this viewpoint quickly gets decimated.

"HahAHA Scar's dead!" Unnamed's head snaps up at Grian's outburst. They, being the normal person they are, respond reasonably, "Wait, agent Scar is dead-?!" A pause followed by a realization, "Why the hell are you laughing-?!"

Grian, who came back into the van for candles since they were going to do an Onryo test before it started hunting, suddenly remembers that humans don't think death is funny. Right. Need to fix that slip up.

"Uhm... out of shock, I think?" Wow, A+ excuse, he mentally berates himself. Think Grian, think! Humans have that thing called grief, right? And isn't the first stage of that denial? Bingo! "I.. I'm sorry, I think I'm just.. in denial?" Grian wants to slap himself. Great idea, horrible execution. Unnamed clearly didn't buy it.

Thankfully, that mess was interrupted, "Hey guys, I found the monkey paw. Should I use it to bring Scar back?" Impulse says over the radio. Skizz and Grian are quick to agree, the latter also using the distraction to rush out of the van and that conversation with the candles.

It takes a moment to click, but Unnamed suddenly realizes, "Wait, are you guys gonna use a cursed item to bring Agent Scar back-?! Look, I know you all are mourning, but that is under all circumstances forbidden!" They take a breath in disbelief, "That could have unforeseen consequences!"

Skizz pipes up, not even trying to be subtle, "Well, duh. The consequences are what makes it fun!" Unnamed is interrupted by Impulse before they can rant about how bad of an idea this is—, "Yeah you say that until you're the one that has to deal with them," he chuckles.

Skizz, in blind yet playful rage, bites the bait, "Fine then! Give me the monkey paw, and I'll wish Scar back to life myself!"

Skizz does this and dies, and they can practically hear him complaining from beyond the grave. Impulse snaps a picture of his corpse as they make fun of the position he's in, his back bent backward. Unnamed is frozen in shock in the van as they listen to Skizz's friends, including a newly revived Scar, laugh at their own friend's demise. Oh god, they're surrounded by psychopaths. These guys take all the hardest jobs, of course they've gone crazy—

Unnamed, after spiraling for an unknown amount of time, looks over to the activity chart to see that there is a hunt going on. This gives them some time to collect their thoughts, only for that little composure to immediately be shattered when as soon as the hunt ends, Grian barks out a laugh, "Oh Scar! He's died AGAIN!", "Oh nooo!" Impulse follows along with a chuckle. Unnamed is on the verge of hyperventilating.

The two remaining GIGS return to the van and ignore Unnamed's impending panic attack. Grian tells Impulse that the hunt started right after the third candle blew out, so he thinks it's an Onryo. "I mean we do already have orbs, but I wasn't getting freezing temps and that ghost just wasn't answering spirit box." Impulse counters.

"Listen, I know I was spirit boxin' it pretty good,"—Unnamed shudders at that. The second-hand cringe they felt listening to Grian's "WHERE ARE YOUUU-?!" was indescribable—"but my gut is really telling me it's an Onryo! Besides, we've had ghosts that just refused to talk before."

"Your gut is usually right," Impulse mutters. "Look, we've got one of two evidence and a successful Onryo test, so I say we gag since Scar and Skizz are dead." Grian says. Impulse still looks unsure, "I just feel like it's too soon. One evidence is hardly enough, and that Onryo test could be a fluke."

They have completely forgotten Unnamed is there at this point, and they don't exactly feel like attracting attention to themself as they wilt like a flower in the corner, pondering their life choices.

Grian relents a bit, "Okay how about this, we ask Scar and Skizz if we should gag or continue investigating, fair?" Impulse nods, "Fair."

Unnamed looks up a little, concerned on how exactly they plan to consult their dead friends. They're beginning to think there's a high likelihood they'll quit tonight, and they're definitely going to need a therapist after all this.

Impulse speaks up over the radio despite them all being in the truck, "Alright guys, come get your clipboards!" Unnamed stares on in something akin to horror as two of the clipboards up on the wall start hovering. Impulse's voice is somehow too loud and too quiet at the same time, "Alright, throw your clipboards on the keyboard if we should continue, and throw them on the floor if we should gag."

Both clipboards are now being repeatedly picked up and tossed on the floor of the van by an invisible force. 'Forces,' they correct themself mentally, as it slowly dawns on them that these ghosts are actually Scar and Skizz, and isn't THAT a mind-twister?

Impulse looks slightly disappointed but smiles good-naturedly anyway, "You guys wanna gag? Alrighty then, check off Onryo and let's go!"

This is the moment that Impulse suddenly remembers Unnamed's existence, looking slightly worried at their lack of input, "You okay?" He turns his head, "Grian don't go yet, Unnamed hasn't given their opinion." Grian grumbles out a 'fine', and Impulse looks back at them, "You wanna gag, or should we contin–" Unnamed interrupts, "Just get me outta here please," they near-whisper.

Impulse looks them over and remembers that humans aren't meant to be that pale and hesitantly asks, "You uh... feeling sick?" He looks over to Grian for help, and Unnamed could swear they heard Grian sassily mumble, "Don't look at me, I dunno how humans work either," but they had to be hearing things, because that just doesn't make sense, surely.

"Impulse, lets just go and pass Unnamed onto someone who actually knows what they're doing," Grian grumbles, clearly frustrated. Impulse still looks concerned (at least he's trying), but concedes since, yeah, they really don't know what they're doing, do they?

As Grian starts the truck, Unnamed notices that Scar and Skizz's bodies are suddenly in the truck. Did– did Grian leave while Impulse looked them over? That had only lasted for a few seconds though, Grian couldn't possibly have dragged them in in that time, could he? It's like they were just teleported in here. Unnamed is really going to need that therapist, and maybe some kind of hallucination medication too...

While staring into space and down at the keyboard in misery, Unnamed distantly hears the sounds of someone cracking their joints and grunting noises to accompany it. They fully snap to attention, however, when they hear the people's voices.

Scar makes a sound of discomfort as he snaps his neck back into place, "Oh void, gonna feel that in the mornin'," he mutters to himself. Skizz on the other hand lets out a whoop at the satisfying crack in his back, before immediately thrusting into bickering with Impulse.

"Dipple-Dop, you killed me!" Skizz exclaims, and Unnamed gets the feeling that they should cover their ears, like a child does when their parents fight. "ME-?! You're the one who used the monkey paw!" Impulse retorts. Skizz, "Well, you shouldn't have given it to me!" Impulse, "But you literally asked me for it!" Skizz, "Well, I wouldn't have if you didn't instigate me!" Impulse, "Oh, come on! You..."

Unnamed tunes them out and focuses on Scar and Grian, all thoughts having left their head out of pure shock, believing this must be some twisted fever dream. It makes sense, they think, they have been tasked with reviewing GIGS' reports for the past month after all.

In truth, the only reason Unnamed is here in the first place is because Skizz didn't read a form before signing it. With their previous check, GIGS received a form that was asking about sending someone to monitor and review their methods and see if they're fit to formally become employees. It was really just an effort to get to know something about these mysterious volunteers, though.

Skizz, however, just skimmed the part gushing about how much the company appreciates their hard work and the benefits of becoming real hires, not actually reading the part about the employee evaluation, assuming they were just going to get the rewards. He signed it and wrote down the GIGS Crew email address he created a minute ago, hence why Unnamed is now here. Yippie.

They tune into Grian and Scar's conversation as they vaguely register Impulse and Skizz's continued, albeit quieter, bickering in the background. Scar is griping about the crick in his neck, "Why do you guys always have to leave a guy in the most uncomfortable positions, huh?" Grian responds blunty with zero hesitation, "Because it's funny," he snorts.

Unnamed tunes them out too as their brain starts to reboot enough to process that they are supposed to be dead. Why are they not dead-?!

Grian notices Unnamed staring in the corner and clears his throat above everyone else's chatter, making a gesture towards them once he has their attention. Unnamed can feel their heart sink straight through the floor, and a metaphorical noose tighten around their neck.

He looks over at Scar and Skizz, "You two really couldn't wait to get back up, could you? Remember, we. have. COMPANY!" Grian punctuates each word in that statement with a clap.

The two sheepishly look over at Unnamed while Impulse looks mildly panicked. Scar and Impulse were cooking up some half-baked excuses, and Skizz is malfunctioning when Grian sighs and relents a bit, "Okay, we're really not being that subtle anyway, are we?"

Scar is spewing a ridiculous explanation in the background, "They uh, shocked us back to life while you weren't looking, yeah!" A whisper from Skizz shuts him up, "I'm no expert, but I don't think that's how that works, buddy." Scar deflates a bit, "But that's all I've got..." Skizz rubs a comforting hand on his back, "I know, dude, at least ya' tried."

Before Unnamed can get enough of a grip on themself and ask what in the hell is happening, the ride ends, simultaneously having taken an eternity and also been way too short.

Grian slips out of the driver seat and ushers them outside quickly, them now standing in front of the company's main building looking lost. "Wait!" Impulse stops Grian from driving off, "You forgot your employee evaluation sheet. It looks oddly blank..." Impulse trails off before snapping out of his stupor, "Sorry! Didn't mean to pry. I'm probably not meant to read that, huh?" He slips the report into Unnamed's hand when they don't take it on their own.

"Oh, and would you mind taking in our report for this job too?" Despite the lack of a response, Impulse slips the report into their hands anyway, "Thanks, pleasure working with you! Sorry for any disturbances we many of caused." Impulse calls out as he steps back into the vehicle, Grian driving away as soon as the door closes, as if driving away will solve all their problems.

Unnamed starts to mindlessly wander inside the building, robotically turning in the report and submitting their evaluation sheet for review, one to the standard job review department and one to HQ. 'It really is a bit blank, huh?' They think passively. They're not really there, still feeling like they're floating in nothingness, but it's the first coherent thought they've had regarding reality in a while, so they'll take anything at this point.

Before they know it, they've found their way into the overnight stay room. Most investigations occur at night, so they have two rooms with sectioned off areas, each area containing a twin bed and a nightstand. It would look uncannily like a hospital if the nightstands were metal instead of wood.

They look up at the clock in the room and distantly note that its 2:17 am. Barely acknowledging that, they ungracefully flop onto the nearest available bed and pass out unceremoniously, not even taking off their shoes. The last thing to cross their mind before drifting off into a dreamless sleep is absolute certainty that this must just be a really strange nightmare induced by lack of proper sleep, and with that, they are at peace.

~

Unnamed hazily blinks their eyes open the next morning to see a silhouette sitting on their bedside, vaguely recognizing them as their friend, Unidentified. They can't focus on that though, only signing in relief now that that disturbing dream was over, writing it off as nerves for the upcoming job with GIGS. They're probably completely normal people, if a bit unorthodox.

This illusion is quickly shattered, though, because as soon as Unnamed is conscious enough to listen, their friend speaks, "So, how was it?" Unidentified stares at them with clear excitement, bouncing up and down a bit where they sat.

Unnamed, still pitifully oblivious, tilts their head in confusion, "How was what?" It's Unidentified's turn to be confused, "What do you mean, 'How was what?' The job with GIGS, obviously!" Unidentified exclaims incredulously.

Unnamed's face slowly morphs into one of unbridled horror as they realize that that wasn't a dream.

The next thing they know, they've sat up, fully awake, getting up and brushing themself off. Unidentified quickly switches from excited to worried, "Unnamed, are you okay?"

Unnamed can barely recall how to string together the sounds they call language to reply, "Yeah, I uh... I just need to go report something to HQ." Before Unidentified can respond, Unnamed has rushed out the door, straightening out their attire so that they look at least somewhat presentable in front of the company's head.

They file a request for an immediate meeting with the higher-ups, stressing the importance of it. They add that it has to do with Team GIGS as an afterthought, hoping it'll peak their curiosity.

And so Unnamed sits there, standing in the lobby with pumping adrenaline as they come to terms with a stark truth:

The GIGS crew is not human.

~•~

Bonuses!

POV GIGS Before:

"Look, Grian, I know you don't wanna leave the van, but this time you have to!" Impulse tries to reason, though he knows he's fighting a losing battle.

Grian refuses to relent, gaze boring into Impulse with several Eyes, "But whyyyy?!"

Impulse lets out an exhausted sigh, he's been at this for a while, "You know why, an inspector is going to be hunting with us this time, and they're human! We have to give them van duty or else they could die in the house. Like actually die."

Grian let's out an indignant whine, his wings puffing out in defiance, "And? There's gonna be five of us, can't we both just be in the van or something?"

"Grian, you and I both know that out of everyone here, except for maybe Gem, you get along with humans the least. You don't even try to be friendly!" Impulse counters. He can see Grian's resolve beginning to falter as he continues, "You don't wanna be stuck in the van with a 'strange mortal' the whole time, do you?" He uses air quotes, trying to speak Grian's language, and it's working.

Grian visibly deflates a little bit, crossing his arms and looking away as he bites out a bitter, "no." He's staring with only two eyes now, so that's progress Impulse thinks.

Skizz finally cuts in, not having wanted to get involved when Grian was still yelling, but will now that he's somewhat calm, "Listen buddy, it's not like you've never left the van before! You do it whenever Gemstone joins us, and sometimes when a bunch of us are dead!" Skizz chuckles a bit, "It's nothin' you haven't done before, G-Sharp."

Grian fully deflates this time, tension releasing from his body as looks at his feet and heaves a sigh of his own, "Fiiiine. The stupid human can have the vaaaan." He pouts, but it's the best they're going to get so they take it.

Impulse finally lets out a breath of relief, glad that he's avoided the possible murder of their inspector. Void, he really feels like a single mom sometimes.

~•~

POV GIGS After:

Grian is most definitely driving faster than the speed limit allows, not that he particularly cares. That went horribly, the human saw Scar and Skizz revive themselves for Void's sake!

In truth, they were never really dead. They really just couldn't bend their death-related rules they set for a day, huh? He has the urge to bury his face in the steering wheel as he drives. "This is why I avoid mortals," he grumbles to himself.

~

When they arrive at their designated "ghost hunting lobby," as they call it, they all devolve into various states of stress.

Grian face-plants into sofa and screams into a throw pillow, Eyes forming and popping around his head like lava. Impulse is pacing around the room like a maniac, pointed tail swishing back and forth in distress. Scar sits on the armchair, fiddling with his cane and pushing a hand through his hair, his eyes practically stapled open, gazing into space. Skizz just kind of stands there, his tail also swishing in anxiety as he dreads the inevitable.

Scar finally shatters the silence, "Now, I don't wanna point fingers, but," he points at Skizz, "kinda your fault, Skizz." There it is, there's what Skizz was dreading.

He tries to defend himself anyways, "Alright listen, I know that most of this is my fault for signing that dumb form, but you can't deny that we all messed up at least a little bit."

Impulse stops pacing at that. Grian doesn't move from his misery on the sofa, not reacting at all.

"I- yeah, Skizz is right. We all kind of screwed up. I think our main problem was how casually we acknowledged death. It's surprisingly easy to forget that humans don't view life as a game..." Impulse rubs the back of his neck, guilty.

Skizz still looks apologetic though, "Yeah, just know I'm really sorry about that. Maybe don't put me on mail duty anymore."

Scar stands up, his skin having taken on a blue blue sheen, his edges a little sharper, and small translucent wings behind him. "It's okay man, I probably would have done the same thing," he picks up a Jellie that's winding in between his legs, "plus we both kinda revived while Unnamed was right there, so you can't take all the blame for that."

"Thanks dude, that means a lot." Skizz slings an arm over Scar's shoulder.

Grian finally sits up, "So what happens now?" All heads turn to him, their stares questioning.

Eyes have never bothered Grian, since he has more of them, so he stands up fully and elaborates, "Well, within the next few days, the company is gonna know we're not human. What exactly do we do now?" A contemplating pause followed by a sad voice, "Do we... have to quit ghost hunting?"

The room goes deathly quiet. They... didn't think about that. Even Skizz and Scar look crestfallen. It's Impulse who pipes up, "No, we don't." he says surprisingly self-assured, all eyes now on him.

Impulse continues on, "I mean, Skizz and I just kinda showed up one day and they couldn't get rid of us, them knowing what we are isn't gonna change that. How exactly would they stop us?" The crew looks a little less depressed at that.

"Plus," Impulse looks hesitant for a moment, "Unnamed's reaction to death reminded me of how fragile human life really is, so even if we're only doing this for fun," he looks to each of them, "it makes me feel like we're protecting them, even if just by taking the lethal jobs."

Skizz perks up at the notion, and Scar breaks out into a grin, waltzing over to Impulse and slinging an arm over his shoulder. Jellie wanders off to go paw at Grian, who's sat back down, still squeezing that throw pillow.

Scar has regained his aura of grandeur, as he joins Impulse in cheering them up, "Yeah, I like that! We're helping by dying where they can't!" He looks very excited at the thought.

It's Skizz's turn to join the building huddle, an arm finding it's way on Impulse's other shoulder. "Oh yeah! Good guy Skizzleman, saving mortals from the horrors of death!" He pumps a fist in the air.

Grian gets up, Jellie trailing behind, and reluctantly joins the hug, arms around Scar and Skizz and his wings around all of them. "I don't care what happens to those humans, but whatever," grian mumbles. Impulse just smiles fondly at him, because despite how he pretends not to, Impulse can see just how much Grian truly cares. He doesn't have to understand mortals to care for them.

The soft moment is interrupted by a ding from Skizz's phone. They untangle their arms as Skizz checks what it is.

He perks up excitedly, "Oh, it's our report's review for the job!" He chuckles a bit, "If one good thing came out of signing that form, it's that we now get almost instant results!"

He clicks on the email, eager to see if they guessed right. Spoiler, they did not.

"What-?!" His face contorts to one of disbelief, "A Mare-?! How?" Grian shoots up at Skizz's outburst, clearly upset.

"What-?! Yeah how-?! That thing wasn't turning off any lights!" He squawks indignantly, a few Eyes floating over Skizz's shoulder to read it himself.

Scar looks wholly unaffected, "Eh, I don't really know how we got Onryo in the first place, I was too busy being dead."

Impulse seems to slowly come to a conclusion, "Well, if you think about it, we weren't really turning the lights on to begin with," his voice picks up a bit, "We were putting so many candles out for the Onryo test, that—"

Skizz finishes, "We stopped turning on the breaker 'cause the candlelight was enough!"

None of them have to turn around to see Grian facepalming, the scream of frustration enough for them to paint that picture themselves, "I hate this game!"

Grian isn't done with his rampage, "But wait, doesn't Mare also need spirit box?" He looks to Impulse for confirmation, and continues once he gets a nod, "But I did spirit box so well though! I had great coverage."

Impulse puts up a hand placatingly, "Yeah, I agree, you did spirit box pretty good, but we were on Nightmare, so spirit box probably just probably wasn't one of the two random evidence."

Grian crosses his arms, "Or maybe it's because someone," he casts a glare at Impulse, though he means nothing malicious by it, "just had to prestige, leaving us with shoddy level 1 equipment." He sighs however, "But you're probably right. We didn't really look that hard for Ghost Writing, did we?"

He wanders off to grumble to himself a little longer, and they all laugh at Grian's pity-party. They end up sitting on sofa together for a while, just chatting about things they couldn't talk about while Unnamed was there.

Impulse is telling a story from Hermitcraft earlier that day, but he stops when Gem comes up in it, paling, "Oh Void..."

Impulse's face unravels into one of dread, a realization forming, "Gem's gonna smack us all upside the head for this." Oh. Oh no. They all shudder in unison. They're screwed.

~•~

Thanks for reading my little self-indulgent AU-idea turned into a fic!

This was originally meant to just be an AU idea, but I blinked and I'd written a whole fic, so yeah.

I think I'll edit this a bit and post it on Ao3 too of that interests anyone.

Feel free to use the idea however you want, just tag me, I wanna see what you do :)

[nellasbookplanet]

Book recs: angels

Want some cool fictional angels? Good news! Whether you prefer traditional winged angels, scary eldritch angels, possibly-human-angels, incredibly creative in-name-only-angels, angels separated from or exploring concepts of faith and religion, romance, horror, fantasy, or sci-fy; this list is sure to offer something to chew on!

For more details on the books, continue under the readmore. Titles marked with * are my personal favorites. And as always, feel free to share your own recs in the notes!

If you want more book recs, check out my masterpost of rec lists!

Historical fantasy angels

When the Angels Left the Old Country by Sacha Lamb*

The angel Uriel and the demon Little Ash have been friends for centuries, living and studying together in a small jewish community in Europe. But times are changing, and many of the community have left for a new life across the sea. When one of these emigrants go missing, Uriel and Little Ash decide to leave their peaceful life and go find and, if needed, save her.

A Master of Djinn by P. Djèli Clark

Set in an alternate 1910’s steampunk Cairo, where djinn and other creatures (among other things, creepy steampunk angels) live alongside humans. We get to follow an investigator as she races to catch a criminal using a powerful object to control djinn and stir unrest. Fantastically creative and fresh, and also features a buddy cop dynamic between two female leads as well as a sapphic romance.

The Angel of the Crows by Katherine Addison*

Sherlock Holmes retelling. After having been injured fighting a war against fallen angels, Doyle returns to London to survive on only a veteran's pension. To afford a place to live in the city, Doyle finds a housemate in Crow, and eccentric angel with a great curiosity for humans and a knack for solving crime. And London needs its protector - supernatural beings walk the streets, and a someone going by the name Jack the Ripper terrifies the citizens at night.

Modern day fantasy angels

Bitter by Akwaeke Emezi

Novella, young adult. Bitter is an art student in Lucille, a city on the brink. Injustice plagues the citizens and protests shake the streets, and Bitter doesn't know where her place his - whether to fight or stay safe. When her art calls upon a creature of bloody justice, she must ask herself just how far she’s prepared to go and what price she’s ready to pay for justice.

Daughter of Smoke and Bone by Laini Taylor

Young adult portal fantasy. Young Karou is a student in Prague, but she’s also a mystery. She fills sketchbooks with drawings of monsters, trades in wishes, speaks languages that aren't all human, and has hair that grows out blue. When strange signs start appearing around the world - handprints scorched into doorways by winged strangers - will Karou finally find out who she really is?

Angelfall by Susan Ee*

Young adult post apocalypse. Six months ago, the angels descended on the Earth - and brought the apocalypse with them. Between ruling street gangs and vicious angels, Penryn is just trying to keep her family alive. When angels fly away with her little sister, Penryn does the unthinkable: strikes a deal with an injured and outcast angel to rescue her.

A Madness of Angels by Kate Griffin*

Urban fantasy. Two years ago, sorcerer Matthew Swift was killed. Today, he woke back up. And he isn't alone in his body, but rather in the company of the blue electric angels, who lived in the telephone lines and are now experiencing the world for the first time through him. Now, he seeks vengeance not only against the one who killed him, but also against the one who brought him back.

The Fall that Saved Us by Tamara Jerée*

Cassiel is of angelic heritage, raised to fight and kill demons alongside her family. But Cassiel has left the hunt and her family behind, wanting a normal life. For three years she's built a life for herself, cut off from her family, but now a demon has found her, sent to collect her soul. Except, the demon isn't any more interested in following the orders of her family than Cassiel is. Can they work together to free themselves from the expectations placed on them? Sapphic romance.

Out of the Blue by Sophie Cameron*

Young adult, sapphic main character. When angels started falling from the sky, the world went mad. So far not a single angel has survived the fall, but that doesn't stop teenage Jaya's father from growing an obsession with catching one, going as far as uprooting the entire family to Edinburgh in hopes of finding one. Jaya, busy mourning the recent loss of her mother, finds his obsession pointless - until an angel crashes right at her feet. What’s more, it's alive...

Full on fantasy angels

Tread of Angels by Rebecca Roanhorse

Novella. During Heaven's War, the rebel Abaddon died and fell. Now, long after, what remains of his body is a valuable element called divinity, which is mined by Fallen, descendants of those who fell and the only ones capable of perceiving divinity. Celeste, a Fallen raised among the privileged Elect, is deeply protective of her little sister Mariel. When Mariel is accused of having murdered an Elect, it’s up to Celeste to find out what really happened and save her sister.

The Golden Compass by Philip Pullman

Middle grade. In Lyra's world, every person has a daemon: an animal companion who follows them throughout life. When children begins being stolen off the street, among them Lyra's friend, she must embark on a great journey to save him, taking her to the furthest north - and beyond. A note: the angels do not appear until the second book, however this trilogy is very much worth a read from the start.

Gunmetal Gods by Zamil Akhtar

Dark fantasy inspired by the crusades. Seeking revenge, Micah the Metal leads an army of men baptized i angel's blood against the kingdom that stole his daughter. It’s up to Kevah, legendary fighter, to stop him and save his people. But ever since losing his wife a decade ago, Kevah has lost his fighting spirit. To defeat Micah, he must find it within himself a will to live again. While featuring (scary eldritch) angels, they serve more as a driving background/world-building force than as actual characters.

Horror angels

The Unnoticeables by Robert Brockway

Angels watch over humans, but not to protect us but to solve us, seeking to make the universe more efficient and clean away the undesirable. Carey, a 70s punk, doesn't like the idea of being solved. Watching fellow punks disappear off the streets, he becomes embroiled in a dangerous conspiracy. Decades later, stunt woman Kaitlyn has her own encounter with the angels and their creations - as well an older punk who might have the answers she needs.

Hell Followed With Us by Andrew Joseph White

Young adult post apocalypse. The world has ended, and sixteen-year-old trans boy Benji is on the run from the cult that caused armageddon. Infected with the bioweapon they released to bring about the end, Benji is slowly transforming into something not quite human and desperate to find someplace safe. When coming across a group of surviving teens, Benji finds something new to fight for. No traditional angels, but it does play with the concept.

Angel Radio by A.M. Blaushild

Young adult post apocalypse. A week after strange and terrifying angels appeared, humanity is dead. Sole survivor of her town, teenage Erika is left wandering on her own. That is, until she catches an odd broadcast on the radio which lures her into the newly emptied world. There she encounters dangerous creatures, but also fellow survivor Midori, who has a cryptic connection to the angels.

Sci-fi angels

Archangel Protocol (LINK Angel series) by Lyda Morehouse

Cyberpunk. In a future where religion has become the law of the land and people spend as much time in cyberspace as in reality, ex-cop Deirdre has lost everything after having been accused of a crime she didn't commit. When approached by a man calling himself Michael and asked to solve the mystery behind the so called link angels - supposed angels who show themselves in cyberspace - Deirdre is given a chance at redemption and answers.

Archangel by Sharon Shinn

For twenty years, archangel Raphael has ruled over the lands, leading to corruption among both angels and mortals. Now the time has come for the angel Gabriel to become archangel, but first he must find his Angelica, a mortal woman chosen by Jehovah to be by his side. But his chosen partner, Rachel, has lived under oppression and fear, and she has her own ideas of what she wants - ideas that don't include Gabriel.

Terminal World by Alastair Reynolds

On a dying earth, society is separated by zones in which the laws of reality shift, allowing for different levels of technology and life. At the top of Spearpoint, the only surviving city, lies the Celestial zone, in which only angels can survive. Quillon, former angel who's had his wings removed and body changed so he can survive and infiltrate the lower zones, has been in hiding for years when he receives a warning that his former people are hunting him. Forced on the run, Quillon must leave Spearpoint for the dangerous wastes beyond, where he will discover ancient secrets of his world.

Space angels

Dust by Elizabeth Bear

In a dying spaceship, orbiting an equally dying sun, noblewoman Perceval waits for her own gruesome death. Having been captured by an opposing house, her wings severed and life forfeit, Perceval’s execution is imminent - until a young servant charged with her care proves to be Perceval’s long lost sister. To stop a war between houses likely to doom them all, the two flee together across a crumbling, dangerous spaceship. At its core waits Jacob Dust, god and angel, all that remains of what the ship once was. And he wants Perceval. Sapphic and asexual characters, however be prepared for kinda fucked up relationships.

The Outside by Ada Hoffman*

AKA the book the put me in an existential crisis. Souls are real, and they are used to feed AI gods in this lovecraftian inspired sci-fi where reality is warped and artificial gods stand against real, unfathomable ones. Autistic scientist Yasira is accused of heresy and, to save her eternal soul, is recruited by cybernetic ‘angels’ to help hunt down her own former mentor, who is threatening to tear reality itself apart. Sapphic main character.

The Genesis of Misery by Neon Yang

Space opera inspired by Joan of Arc. Misery Nomaki possesses rare stone-working abilities usually found among only saints and the voidmad. Not believing herself the be former and desperately not wanting to become the latter, Misery is trying to keep a low profile. Her attempt fails when the voice of an angel - or a very convincing delusion - leads her to become the centerpiece of a dangerous battle between two warring factions hoping to use her. Very unique and cool conceptually, but a little all over the place in how it handles its plot.

Bonus AKA I haven’t read these yet but they seem really cool

Dusk in Kalevia by Emily Compton

Toivo Valonen is a secret agent in more ways than one. An angel masquerading as human, he's acted as a source of hope for humanity in wartime throughout history. In 1960, he embarks on an undercover mission to Kalevia, allied with a rebellion against the government. In his way is fellow angel and rival agent Demyan Chernyshev, who’s working for the KGB.

The House of Shattered Wings by Aliette de Bodard

Having just barely survived the Great Houses War, much of Paris lies in ruins. Morningstar, founder of the House Silverspires, has gone missing, and something is stalking the people within the House's walls. Three people, a Fallen, an alchemist, and a man wielding spells from the far east, may be prove to be Silverspire's salvation.

The Worst Perfect Moment by Shivaun Plozza

Young adult. Sixteen-year-old Tegan is dead and i heaven. There, she's supposed to be reliving her happiest memory. Except the moment Tegan has been placed in isn't very happy at all. Guided by an angel, Tegan is brought through her past to understand what most matters to her. If she fails to see the happiness in her assigned memory, the consequences would be dire for both her and the angel.

Honorary mentions AKA these didn't really work for me but maybe you guys will like them: The Library of the Unwritten by A.J. Hackwith, City of Bones by Cassandra Clare, Hush, Hush by Becca Fitzpatrick, Sandman Slim by Richard Kadrey

[fallencelsetial]

quastion. if you had to give each of the nu carnival guys a present, what would you give to each one? oh and let's assume monies aren't a problem here

To answer your Quastion. If Monies are not an issue, and I can just the boys whatever the hell I want, then-

Eiden: I'm getting this boy every single craft supply I can think of. Fabrics, yarns, tule, buttons, clays, pen, pencils. I'm getting him everything. He's so friggin talented and just an artsy boy. He'd definitely have an etsy or two on the side of his actual job.

Aster: You didn't say the presents had to be objects. Plus Asters got SO MUCH MONEY. Boy could get anything he wanted at any time. Hell. He's the clan sugar daddy. If I was getting him a gift, it would definitely be something practical. And Honestly, I'd probably just get him more staff. He's got so many things he's running, I'm sure he'd really appreciate the help, and especially, that he's not the one paying for it.

Morvay: Similarly to Aster, I wouldn't really get Morvay an object. What I would get him though, is food. He's a bit of a greedy boy. He's always getting yelled at by aster for sneaking out and feeding, and constantly getting overworked. I think he deserves a place where he can relax and indulge in his favorite things. I'm sure there's some club out there that has membership option and would allow him to just go ham.

Yakumo: Cooking tools seems too easy. I'm sure he's already got everything he needs. You know what? I'm actually gonna get him some alone time with Eiden. I'm getting them a vacation together. I'm gonna send him and Eiden off somewhere real private. Do you know how happy he'd probably be? Boy is so possessive. He'd be OVER THE MOON about having Eiden all to himself for like a week. And I'm sure Eiden would be happy about spending time with him too. Gross honeymooning ass bitches.

Edmond: I'm getting him all the porn and sweets he wants. Just because I know he's gonna be a bitch about it. I would know. I'm the same. "No, I'm not allowed to get this. People will look at me weird if I get that" and Now look at me. I have a whole shelf full of those books. I'm getting him all of it AND, He didn't spend any of his money on it so he can't feel ashamed about it. It was gifts. Now go. Be free.

Olivine: I saw a post somewhere about Oli not having any of his own clothes and how they would take him on a shopping spree and honestly same. And I'd help him pick out the sluttiest, most rebellious clothes possible. I was raised catholic. I know. I know how hard it is. We're going to get you so many things with Religious undertones so it feels safe, AND like you're breaking the rules at the same time.

Quincy: Gosh. He's such a simple dude. All forest man and shit. He probably would not accept anything that would make his life easier. Any more modern versions of tools he already uses would probably be rejected with a "This one works fine/better anyway" Getting a bunch of treats for topper might make him happy though. Actually might just get him something SUPER dad coded. Like a Flask/Canteen. Probably would say he doesn't need it, but would secretly use it anyway.

Kuya: We're getting him all the dumb weird shit. Mans has a collection of dumb weird shit. He's like Blade. Anything he finds intriguing he just keeps. I'm getting this man an old beat up Bakugan. "Check it out. It's opens when you place it on this card but ONLY on this card!" Do you know how psyched he would be??? He's so fucking simple. I'm getting him those boxes that show one character in one window, and another character on the other window.

Garu: I don't think he can have too many toys. I'm getting him so many more toys than what Eiden has already gotten him. Lots of meat too. Oh! And I'm getting him art supplies as well! His art fills me with joy. I love him.

Karu: ALRIGHT. I'm giving him play time. I'm buying/building him a whole play set. He wants to be ruler of everything and I am going to give him that. I am going to spoil the shit outta this puppy. I will get him his own little throne room. He's getting his own little kingdom where he is king, and EVERYONE BOWS TO HIM! He's also getting so much meat too. All Hail the Mighty Karu!!

Blade: I'm also getting him art supplies. Art supplies and Books! If we can find some that he hasn't read yet. Honestly the library is massive. Oooooh but if we go to a book store, there's bound to be new releases of something, and he'll read anything just to have read it, I'm sure he'd really appreciate that!

Dante: A vacation mother fucker. Shut up. Listen Child. I Don't want to hear it. Spa now. Break. Rest. Relaxation. Think of NOTHING. You know what? I'mma throw Eiden in there too. He'd probably help you a lot. Just like how Eiden would be a good part of the gift, for Yakumo, I feel the same goes for him as well. And also, Lots of gifts for Sooley.

Rei: Therapy. Notebooks. Lot's of notebooks. Replacement's for any Equipment he's broken. Some art supplies. Mostly charcoals for his sketches. All practical stuff too. I'd offer to fix some of his personal items, but...I think he prefers them dinged up and broken. Has a bit of a comfort in that. So the supplies would probably be most appreciated by him.

[eveningdreams8]

picking patterns for your dolls yukata and obi

i think there was maybe one 'maybe' on actually wanting this but i am posting anyway;;;

i will preface this with that ultimately you can do whatever you want and makes you happy and this is more of an art then a science but if you struggle on deciding on matching fabrics this might help

picking fabrics in general for either component, keep in mind your dolls scale and the drape of your fabric, generally you can get away with thicker and heavier fabrics for obi then yukata

if the fabric you have absolutely set your heart on for the obi is not stiff enough for a belt you can add interfacing

with that out of the way on to the print picking! you don't have to stick to traditionally Japanese looking prints like sakura flowers, temari balls, waves and cranes. Anything could be a yukata print if you want as long as it's in scale for your doll, this doesn't exclude large prints! you could get a really cool look with a large print.

generally i decide if a print is too big or not is when i put it up against a doll (or imagine it if my doll is not on hand as the case may be at the fabric store) would a real person look cool wearing this large print? or just odd? sometimes the print could almost work but it repeats too rarely to work.

small repeat prints are great! through the really small ones usually work better for obi then the yukata.

the goal is to pick two fabrics that both compliment and contrast one another, this might sound like a bit of a contradiction but i will explain

first consider the patterns, the goal is so the two fabrics don't blend together, so roughly large prints with small and avoid using the exact same print for both even if the colours look nice together

while you don't always have to follow these rules consider this more of a guideline, i no doubt also forgot to list some options that could work as well, these are easy ways to pick a fabric print

if you really can't decide a solid colour is usually a safe choice, to spice it up you could pick something with a subtle printed texture or variation, also don't discount just textured fabrics! they can make great obi even if they are only one solid colour

if your yukata print is large and organic it could look good with a small regular print or a geometric one

if your yukata print is vertical stripes it could look good with an organic design, small regular print, often repeating geometric pattern or small horizontal stripes (if the striped on the yukata it self are not small)

if your yukata has a geometric print it could look good with a small repeat pattern, or medium to larger organic print

now the colours! this is a little more nebulous and objective but here is a few things to consider

having a bit of the yukata colour in the obi or vise versa is a good way to coordinate the fabrics

one option is to have the colour combo pop! by this i mean you see the colours next to each other and go "yes that feels right!" even if they are quite contrasting

generally monochrome prints can be paired with just about any colour, you would pay more attention to the images of the print it self to make a good match

you could follow the colour pallet! if a print is black and green the obi is too, just in different amounts so it stands out with a complementing print

I would also recommend holding prints next to each other even when you doubt it would work, it's a good way of finding striking combos!

hopefully this will help someone 〒▽〒

if you have any questions or suggestions feel free to add

[firefirefruit]

Steel in Her Veins, Chapter: Seventeen

Read On: AO3 | Table of Contents | Next Chapter

Chapter Seventeen: Onigiri

As your hand connects with his, you reluctantly trail behind Gramps, nursing a humongous grudge against him for ousting you from the workshop. 

"Social interaction’s important at your age!" he insists, his stubborn furrow signalling the inevitable shift in the course of your life.

Armed with his illegally immigrated Wano connections scrawled within his logbook, Gramps engages in a series of letters with a familiar Shimotsuki contact, meticulously planning a rendezvous through extensive log pose calculations.

"Why can't we just head to their dojo?" you grumble, eyeing the island that sits perfectly equidistant from your home and the Dojo-guy’s village. At least then there would be something to actually do, and people to see. The prospect of aimlessly wandering around on a boring old island makes you even more reluctant to the thought of ‘socialisation.’

"The less people see us, the easier it is to stay safe," Gramps replies.

His words bring to mind a recent incident, just a month ago, when you both urgently had to evacuate yet again, from another workshop, on yet another island. It was the result of an attack orchestrated by those shittily-dressed CP members who always manage to track you down, no matter how many times and how far you flee.

Hidden upstairs, you could only hear the rattles and thuds following Gramps as you scrambled to pick up your emergency bags, pre-emptively prepared for such occasions before escaping to the meeting point.

Gramps would never, ever, let you fight alongside him. He had this entrenched fear of them finding out about your existence and you didn’t know why. You didn’t get what was so detrimental about them seeing a girl living along with her gramps, working regularly on her craft. But you could tell, if there was only one rule that you had to follow, it was this one. 

The way Gramps demanded this from you from the very start of your immigration from Wano, with such an intense and severe resolution set across his face, made all the objections you wanted to spout out immediately die on your tongue.

The more you grew, the more dangerous it was simply to exist outside of Wano. And the rich bit was, you still didn’t know why. Gramps wouldn’t say – you didn’t know whether he actually knew the reason why, or if he was as unsure as you were, but it was always brushed off whenever you questioned him about it.

“Whatever,” you mutter lowly and roll your eyes, walking even slower behind Suki just to irritate him. 

“I’ll change the locks on the studio again if you keep moping,” he cheekily says, giving you a little side-eye. And in an instant, you kick your feet up to match his pace, not wanting to have to start lockpicking through the doors again just to do your work.

“Look, they’re here,” Gramps whispers to you before turning his attention to the two figures.

From a distance, you eye a young blue-haired girl moping behind the man who seems to be her father, annoyedly swinging a sword in her hand. The sword claws at the grass in front of her feet, becoming more of a pick-axe than a fearsome blade. Your eyes light up as you pay closer attention to the type of sword she has in her fingers, a slight interest warming you from the inside.

“Sukiyaki!” The man says in greeting, tugging on his daughter’s reluctant hand as he walks toward the two of you. 

Gramps grins wildly, embracing him warmly. “It’s been a while. Your old man leaving Wano’s done you some good, eh?”

The man laughs kindly, patting his back. “I can say the same thing about you, ex-Shogun.”

“You can thank this little rascal for that,” Gramps says, staring down at you pointedly. “This is Raya, my granddaughter.”

The man smiles at you, making you instantly want to smile back just by looking at the warmth that emanates from his eyes. “Hello, Raya. I’m Koushiro - this is my daughter, Kuina.”

Your eyes flicker back to the blue-haired girl who now has an eyebrow raised at you, her eyes twinging with slight interest. 

“I like your sword,” you shyly mutter, eyes glued to the weapon in her possession.  

The girl looks taken aback, unsure of what to say. She looks up to her father, uncertain of what to do – and as he gives her a little reassuring nod, a subtle smile creeps onto her face. Finally, there’s another girl who's just like her, who’s really into swords. 

“I like her too,” she finally says, fumbling the hilt across her palm. She steps towards you, extending her Wado Ichimonji out as a friendship offering. “Wanna hold her?”

With a sudden shock to your body, your eyelids groggily slink upwards. Hot breath blows on your face as you try to make sense of your surroundings, realising that the floor beneath you is moving at an incredibly dangerous pace. 

“What...?” You mumble heavily, forcefully blinking a few times to unblur your vision. You feel restrained, feeling fingers that aren’t your own that grip at your skin. A huff of paced breath hits your face again, the boulder set against your cheek expanding with each aggressive step. 

“Stay still,” Zoro exhales, his arms holding your legs and arms even tighter against his chest. 

Your eyes immediately snap wide open, gaping up at the green-haired samurai who’s running like his life is on the line.

“Let me go,” you slur, dizzily slapping your hand against his chest. “I can run by myself.”

“Like fuck I will. Not gonna make that mistake again,” Roronoa mutters through gritted teeth, his eyes glued on the path before him.

His footsteps reverberate through the landscape, each step a jolt that echoes through your restrained form. You squirm in his grasp, desperately trying to break free, but his grip remains unyielding.

“Seriously, Roronoa! Put me down!” you protest, your voice slurred from the side-effect of Chopper’s sedative. The world blurs around you as he sprints, carelessly snapping branches and rocks from beneath his heavy boots.

“Just shut up and stay still,” he snaps, his focus unwavering. The rhythm of his strides runs like a wild drum beat, chaotic and messy, and you can't help but feel a sense of intense dread within you.

As you keep protesting, your eyes catch glimpses of the passing scenery—a chaotic blur of mountains, rocks, and uneven terrain. Zoro seems to navigate effortlessly, his instincts finely tuned to the path ahead.

A surge of irritation courses through you as you look down and away from Roronoa’s clenched jawline, your fingers gripping over his tightening arms as you try to make sense of your surroundings. 

“Where are we even going?” you demand, hoping for an explanation.

Zoro glances down, his singular grey eye piercing through you.

“To safety. Hold on,” he replies.

The erratic journey continues until Zoro abruptly comes to a halt. You're released from his firm grasp, stumbling slightly as you find your footing. The world finally stops spinning, and you take a moment to regain your bearings.

“We’re here,” Zoro states, a hint of urgency still lingering in his voice. Your surroundings slowly come into focus —a cave within a mountain, the canopy casting shadows over the uneven ground.

“What’s going on? Why are we in the middle of nowhere?” you ask, frustration lacing your words. Zoro doesn’t immediately respond, his attention drawn to the surroundings as if assessing potential threats.

He lets out a sigh, then faces you, a hand carefully resting on the hilt of his Kitetsu. "We brought you to the shaman. The moment he laid eyes on you, he started screaming. Kept referring to you as Oni, then ordered his lackeys to spill your blood until it runs dry."

You stare at him silently. Then, you huff out a singular laugh. “What?”

“Yup,” he says, shifting himself to the rocky floor. “He thinks you’re a demon. Said he felt something in your blood.”

“Great, so I’m a demon now,” you say, staring down at your awfully blackened arm. The growth seems to have halted while you were unconscious, prompting a small sigh of relief. Well, at least there’s that.

Zoro looks away with a smirk, his arm crossed. “Now? You always were one.”

You scoff, an eyebrow raised. “You got some jokes, samurai.”

You stumble a little from the disorientation, gasping in the process. Zoro immediately shifts from his position, his eye widening, arms held out in preparation, but you manage to shift your arms onto the wall behind you, panting in surprise.

 “I got it.” You strain out. Zoro lowers his arms and pointedly stares at you in reply.

“Maybe you should sit down. You’re confused.”

So, you sit yourself down on the jagged terrain, earning a surprised stare from Zoro.

“What?” 

“You actually listened.”

“Yeah, well…” You look down at your arm again, grimacing. “Chopper’s sedative is gonna wear off soon, and my arm’s definitely gonna feel it.”

Zoro's gaze very slightly softens as he takes in the exhaustion etched across your face. "We'll find a way to fix this. For now, rest."

“Rest in the terrified Shaman’s cave. Great plan,” you mutter, though you do lean back against the cold, rocky surface.

As the minutes pass, you decide to rest your eyes whilst keeping your ears open. The images of your previous dream swirl in your thoughts, blending with the rhythmic dripping sounds of the cave, and you can't help but purse your lips at the thought of Kuina. What would she have been like, if she was still alive and the same age as you? You'll never know. You'll never know, and that's what hurts.

Before you let yourself completely relax your muscles and slacken your head against the wall, a sudden stampede of footsteps begin to scramble their way to the entrance of the cave, making your eyes snap wide open.

“They found us,” you whisper, instantly knowing the amount of hot shit the both of you are in right now. Your fingers curl over the dagger in your belt. “Tell me, did you see them use magic?”

Zoro drifts his gaze from the sudden clambering of the Shaman’s underlings to you, his lips pursed. You stare back at him, raising your eyebrows.

“Okay. So, are they talented?” 

He remains staring at you, pursing his lips even harder into a straight line. Instantly, you turn away, eyes flickering in thought.

“Well, fuck. Shit. Okay…” You heave yourself from the ground, stumbling slightly in the process. “I think I have a plan.”

Zoro rises, his sword now glimmering and unsheathed. He stands in front of the opening, pure focus in his eye, as he holds the Kitetsu into the air.

“Look, you’ve got to leave and let me deal with them,” you say, making Zoro snap his head to you in outrage.

“Absolutely fucking not,” he growls, narrowing his eye at you. “Are you insane?”

“Seriously, Roronoa, you need to run away. Leave me --”

“You know what you’re sounding awfully a lot like? Your old man.”

“But—”

He glares at you, ferocity lingering in his lone eye.

“I told you, I’m not fuckin’ makin’ that mistake again.”

[thedreamlessnights]

Objection's First Bath

This is my @bg3-apprecimaytion submission for several of the prompts, including fight, swimming, home, and cuddles (AO3 link here if you prefer). It is dedicated to the lovely, wonderful @cinnamontails-ff and her incredible, stunning fic, Magistrate's Advocate.

This fic is truly one of the most amazing things I've ever read. Astarion's character development is just so well written that you almost forget how far he's come, until you go back to reread it - only to go on the fantastic journey once again. His and Zoraya's relationship is everything to me, and I'm so, so thankful for this beautiful tale and the hard work you've put into it, Cin! Have the most incredible birthday ever, and enjoy this silly little tribute to our favorite kitty, Objection!

When Objection had been nothing more than a mewling kitten, he’d vowed that nothing in Faerûn would ever make him admit defeat.

After all, he’d always known that he was meant for greatness, and greatness required a certain amount of gravitas. The pitiful followers he would inevitably gain on his rise to power would grovel at his feet at the sight of his immaculate fur, impeccable mannerisms, and flawless composure.

Until about three days ago, everything had gone to plan. 

He’d quickly risen to a position of power among the other idiots who lined the streets of the city. Soon, everyone had looked to him for everything from which rats to hunt to which shopkeepers were acceptable to rob – and, as he’d sworn to himself, he’d never admitted defeat. The very premise of defeat was for weaklings, and the Baron of the Lower City’s West End was anything but. 

Still, one had to allow for exceptions. Especially when one was lying in a ditch, covered in filth, and starved down to the bone.

Perseverance was an admirable trait, but Objection did not feel like being particularly admirable at the moment. Especially when no one was around to see his failure. 

Even then, as shallow breaths scraped through his ribs, he could see the events of the past seventy-two hours flashing through his mind. 

Mutiny. He wanted to claw himself for being so foolish. How had he not seen it coming? It was a common thing among cat districts – he should have been prepared! But several years of being the Baron had made him too comfortable, and he’d let his normal defenses slip. His set of rules, meticulously crafted to keep him safe, had been ignored, and here was the result.

Betrayal. Failure. And he, the mighty Objection of the Lower City’s West End, had no strength to do anything but the one thing he’d promised he would never do – admit defeat.

But what was the use? He wasn’t stupid enough to deny the fact that he was dying; his other eight lives had been used up in extremely courageous and majestic circumstances, and he was on his last one. He’d been reckless, and he was paying for it. Perhaps he even deserved this treatment.

No, he thought suddenly, his tail flicking in irritation. He’d kept the imbeciles alive, and this was how they repaid him? Treason? Treachery? Of course he didn’t deserve this ridiculous treatment! He was born for greatness! He deserved to be gazed at in awe, admiration, and a healthy amount of fearful respect! 

The simpletons would surely pay for their idiocy. Rat populations would be overhunted, and the nitwits would soon starve. Shopkeepers would cast them out, leaving more and more dangerous traps for them to fall into. Other cat districts in the city would turn them to ash. As they deserved. 

Perhaps he would even see it happen. Perhaps he’d become a ghost among the streets, wreaking havoc on his wrongdoers. If that was the case, he could die happy. 

But even Objection could not see what was coming next. For, as he closed his eyes to allow death to take him, he suddenly found himself cruelly disturbed. Footsteps rudely disrupted his intended passing, and grating voices soon cast themselves over his ears. 

A gasp. A halting of footsteps. A grimy hand, palpating his body.

“Is he alive?”

The voice of a woman. Tolerable. It carried the sweet, mild fragrance of a perfume he could not recognize.

“Barely,” came the reply. 

This voice, he hated. This voice came with the smell of metal and oil and sweat, assaulting his senses even halfway to the grave. And, to his horror, the owner of the voice was the one who picked him up by the scruff like a godsdamned kitten, and wrapped him in a filthy cloth, cradling him like an infant.

Unhand me, imbecile! he hissed, wildly batting his paws out around him. But, to his horror, he found himself being ignored. 

Being carried like that was humiliating. Disgusting, even. And yet, as he soon discovered, it was warm. Even in all his pride, Objection could not resist that. 

After all, perhaps this was a sign. An opportunity to get revenge on those who had harmed him. If the gods were providing him a second chance, who was he to deny them? Yes – the fools would personally receive his fury. What a sweet sight it would be.

So, he allowed the fool and the woman to carry him away from the ditch and treat him like the royalty he was.

As it turned out, the woman’s name was Zoraya – or, at least, that was what the foul-smelling one called her. He didn’t bother learning the imbecile’s name. He wasn’t important.

No, Zoraya was the special one. She was sensible. Quick-witted. The type of woman who’d clearly worked hard all her life. He admired that quality in her. 

But more importantly, she was the one who scratched him under the chin, the one who looked at him as if he was something special (which he was, of course). She was the one who retrieved a high-end feast for him, cuts of meat, cheese, and bread that only the nice shops carried. And she was the one he allowed to scoop him back into a clean blanket and bring him to his new home.

It wasn’t much. The paint on the walls was chipped, there was a foul, nearby scent of soot, and the yard was overgrown. But, it was warm, and all the walls were intact. The rest could be fixed once he’d fully recovered.

Inside, the area was equally sparse, but it would do. He was, unfortunately, in the role of a beggar, and he could not afford to be a chooser at the moment. The poor girl had clearly done her best to decorate.

As the night waned on, Objection decided that Zoraya was turning out to be a perfect fit as a roommate. She pet his head when he gave her permission, fed him delectable treats, and set up his new, comfortable bed in the main bedroom. It was the respect he deserved, and he was very much enjoying it.

“You know… I think I’ll call you Objection,” she said as she carried him to the kitchen, feeding him another treat as she gently placed him down. 

She was smart enough to call him by his name, and that was when he truly decided to keep her. 

A sentiment which changed very quickly when he saw the bin of water she intended to use on him. 

As a rule, Objection despised water. The only time he touched it was to allow it to nourish him, to quench his thirst. Nothing else. If she truly meant to subject him to this horror, then she would learn of her mistake very quickly. He was quickly recovering his strength, after all, and even her big, pitiful brown eyes would not dissuade him from a silent kill.

“Come on, Objection,” she said, tapping her hand on the counter to urge him closer. When he stayed where he was, she placed a treat halfway between where he stood and the bin.

The insult of it all. As if he, the Baron of the Lower City’s West End, would fall for tricks like that. In response, he flattened his ears and hissed.

Her face fell, and she stepped closer. “I’m really sorry,” she said, “but you’re covered in… I don’t even know what. Not to mention the fleas. We have to clean you off, alright?”

Fleas.

Fleas?

Like some disgusting gutter cat – he, Objection, having fleas?

It was preposterous. Inconceivable. Even the notion of it was so incredibly offensive that his entire being froze in place, allowing her to seize the opportunity to snatch him up and coat him in a horrid, foul-smelling substance up to the neck.

And thus began their battle.

She drenched him in water; he scrambled to get away. She lathered him up; he let out a deafening yowl. Again and again, she tried to get him to remain still for her – compliant, like an idiotic servant.

Instead, he splashed, hissed, sloshed water on her counters, crawled up onto her shoulder and dug his claws into the skin, and even released his secret weapon: a terrified, heartbreaking meow that could melt the hearts of even the fiercest creatures.

Yet, apparently, Zoraya held some form of immunity to it. Was she a warlock? A paladin? Did she have a secret connection to the gods that allowed her to contain this evil?

He had no answers. Clearly, whatever supernatural powers she contained gave her an advantage, and for the second time that day, he found himself admitting defeat.

So, he was given a bath. Scrubbed from the neck down. Humiliated. Enraged. Exhausted.

But the subjected torture did not stop there. No. He found himself fluffed by a towel, ruining his perfect fur and making him look absolutely ridiculous. How dare she subject him to this treatment! She would pay, along with the rest of those who had betrayed him. In fact, he would destroy all mankind for their crimes against him! Elves, humans, tieflings – the lot! All would be desiccated!

Once she had finally finished, she offered him another treat. Oh, how she had erred. He hissed again at her ridiculous peace offering, his tail swishing violently, and she sighed.

“I know, I know,” she said, scooping him up into her arms. “I’m sorry, Objection. I had to.”

He felt the immediate urge to bite her for her lies, but at the memory of her supernatural abilities, decided it was safer to lie low for now. He would plot out his revenge, and attack when he was sure he could defeat her. 

At the very least, he was warm again, and his belly no longer ached with hunger. The state of his fur would take ages to correct, but she hadn’t committed the ultimate misdeed of cutting it. And, when she brought him into her bed, she laid him down in a soft, comfortable blanket, and he fell into the most fantastic sleep of his life.

Overall, it could have been much worse.

Two months later

Generally, Objection liked to think of himself as a merciful ruler. There were exceptions, of course, but he could turn a blind eye to mistakes every now and again. No one was perfect, not even him, so how could he hold it against his lesser subjects?

So, with this fact in mind, he had recently decided to forgive Zoraya for her crimes.

It was true – he had spent the last several weeks plotting out revenge. But over time, he’d softened to her. She was a good housemate. She brought him a number of delicious treats. She was reliable, tidy, and hardworking. She’d apologized multiple times for her misdeed. 

So, in all his grace, he had chosen to put all memory of the bath behind him.

After all, the state of his fur had been quickly repaired, and there were much more important concerns than exacting destruction on all elvenkind. In fact, there were still the nitwits out there who had betrayed him. Really, truly betrayed him, unlike Zoraya. 

At least she’d meant well in her attempt to clean him, flea insinuations aside. The idiots who roamed the streets had only wanted to destroy him. He could not allow himself to be distracted from his true goal – the traitors had to receive exactly what they deserved.

And thus, once he’d fully recovered from his brush with death, he began to plot his revenge. 

He’d learned from his previous mistakes; there was no room for error. One misstep, and he would find himself just as he’d started: on death’s door, laden with regret. No – any softness or comfort was unacceptable, and every detail needed to be plotted out with meticulous precision. 

Patience, he told himself. All good things to those who wait.

With Zoraya near, it was easier to bide his time. He liked to stretch out on the windowsill that faced the street, his immaculate fur growing warm under the golden rays of the sun, purring as Zoraya scratched behind his ears. 

Mostly, he watched. He watched day and night, observing everyone and everything that passed by, from the orange butterflies that flitted across the yard to the crickets that sang in the evenings, chirping their nightly lullaby. 

He watched the crowds that milled by during the busiest hours of the day, when Zoraya went to work, and those that returned in the evenings on their way home from their various occupations. He knew the bakers, and the healers, and the tailors. He knew the children that ran past, squealing in delight as they caught sight of him.

Most importantly, though, he watched the other cats. Some of them were out of his jurisdiction, but the others he knew all too well. His once-loyal subjects, prowling the streets. They never noticed his watchful gaze through the window, nor saw his silhouette on the outskirts of the yard, but he saw them. He saw the patterns of their movements, the rats they hunted, the orders they followed. 

At night, when Zoraya was asleep, he snuck out of the house and roamed the streets. As he did, he made mental lists, noting every difference that had followed in the months since his attempted murder. The fools hadn’t even bothered to move the main den, and the careful defenses he’d put in place to keep them safe had all fallen.

Most insulting of all, the cat who’d taken his place as the leader was an idiot named Mittens. From what Objection could see, Mittens did absolutely nothing – aside from lounging around and preening, of course, like one of the peacocks Objection had once seen in the Lower City. 

It was a repulsive sight. Revolting. And yet, it was an opportunity.

Never, not in all of his life, had Mittens raised a paw to another one of his kind. He knew nothing of the wit nor the strength it took to rule, nor of the ferocity it took to stay alive in a position like that. He’d be completely defenseless without the guards stationed nearby. 

They would be easy enough to deal with. As Objection had predicted, without someone clever keeping them in line, the nearby rat populations had all been overhunted. Soon, there would be no rats left to find, but for now, the cats were overfed and softened in their comforts. 

So, as with everything else, he watched. Studied their movements. The alleyways where he could pick them off one by one. The lapses in patrols. 

Piece by piece, night by night, his revenge slotted into place. He perfected it; ran the situations through his mind over and over, determined to account for every possibility. And, when it was finally ready, he acted.

It was a clear, moonlit night. Zoraya had already gone to sleep, leaving the bedroom door cracked open for him to inch through when he was ready to join her. He would happily do so later, but not until he had finished his work. 

One of the windows never liked to close properly. It was jammed open, and Zoraya had remedied this with a large bundle of rags to keep any stray insects out. As he had done so many times before, Objection crept over to it, careful not to disturb any of the papers on the nearby counter, and used his fangs to tug the cloth barrier out of the way. When he had enough room to press underneath, he snuck through, pawed the rags back into place, then gracefully leapt into the yard. 

The outer walls were easy enough to scale, and it wasn’t long before he found himself back in familiar streets, this time stalking his prey.

The night lay silent. The air was balmy and sweet, and his heart thrummed steadily between his ribs as he moved, the sound deafening in his ears. It was all too easy to slink down the streets toward his goal, and that unnerved him. He had planned, yes, but there was always the risk of execution going awry. No plan was completely foolproof, no matter how polished.

The anticipation was unbearable.

When he finally arrived at his first location, he stretched out among the shadows and waited. It didn’t take long. Along came one of the guards on his patrol, sniffing at the stone as he passed through his route. Objection’s paw silenced him before he had even the chance to cry out.

The other three guards went just as quickly. One slap of the paw, a quick tussle, and then, only the sound of their breathing. 

The next part of the plan was more difficult. Guards had consistent patrols, nightly routines he could count on, but the locations of the other cats were anyone’s guess. And, unfortunately, the other cats were the most important part of his revenge plot.

On the night of the mutiny, three cats had been the ones to orchestrate his downfall – Ollie, a grey tabby with a clipped ear, Tilly, a calico with a missing eye, and Luna, a black and white shorthair. If anyone needed to pay, it was them. Regaining his respect as their leader was just a bonus.

What this meant was that he was forced to climb up onto the nearby roofs, hoping he’d catch sight of them before it was too late.

Ollie, luckily, seemed to have found a puddle of some wine outside the Elfsong Tavern, and was licking it off the stone. By the time he noticed Objection, he had a pawful of claws to his neck.

His eyes went wide. Objection? he asked, his voice slurred from the wine. Are you a ghost?

Not quite, came Objection’s reply. His paw moved, and the deed was done. 

Tilly was next – bragging loudly outside of a bakery about a fat rat she’d recently managed to catch. 

The cat next to her, Snowy, flicked her tail in annoyance. Fat rats are the easiest rats to catch, Tilly, she hissed. Then she hopped up the window, slinking away into the shadows.

Felines these days, Tilly grumbled to herself. Really. You try to make a friend…

Objection didn’t bother with the formalities of a conversation. Clearly, the stupidity of his subject would ruin it. He struck fast, struck quietly, and left the evidence out of sight.

Undoubtedly, Luna was the most dangerous of all his prey. She was the one who’d first attacked him, and the one who’d left him for dead in a ditch. She was almost certainly the one who’d first dreamed up the whole endeavor, and she was the one he wanted most to pay for what she’d done.

As it turned out, she was also the only one who heard him coming. Her ears perked up at the sound of his steps, and her back tensed. Despite that, she remained where she was, calmly cleaning her paw.

Objection, she said. 

In the flesh. 

He stepped closer, allowing his fur to shine in the silver moonlight. He knew well how he looked – nothing like the starved, injured cat they’d left in a ditch. Strong. Powerful. Ready, this time, for her betrayal.

I didn’t think you’d be foolish enough to come back, she told him, casually inspecting her paw. What do you want? 

He arched his back, flattening his ears and hissing. What do you think? he asked.

Very slowly, her eyes narrowed, but she kept them fixed in front of her, still focused on her paw. Oh. You’re here to fight? she sighed. Fine. I’ll finish the job properly this time.

And, with a flash of black fur, she pounced.

He was ready for it. He leapt out of the way of her blow, claws skidding on the stone as he caught himself. As she whirled around to face him, he darted forward and clawed her in the side, dodging back as she hissed in pain.

My, my, she drawled, a little breathless, circling in front of him. You’ve improved, Objection.

Before he could answer, she barreled toward him, her claws drawn and her lips curled up into a snarl. Another dodge. Another strike. The fight became a deadly dance, balanced with blows, accompanied by hisses and heavy breaths.

She was fierce, but so was he. She was nimble, but so was he. Every move she made, he knew like the back of his paw. Perhaps it was how the moment of betrayal had seared its way into his mind – he recalled her tricks far too well, and it was clear that her pathetic tricks were all she had.

Finally, in the middle of a dodge, she stumbled. He took the opportunity to strike, sweeping at her legs to break her balance, and she landed on her back with a loud yowl.

It was perfect. The moment he’d been dreaming of for months. And yet, just as he was about to land the final blow, one of the doors to the nearby houses opened. 

Panting, Luna stayed where she was, clearly hoping the shadows would conceal her.

“What’s all this noise, then?” the woman asked. She stepped out of her doorway, caught sight of Luna, and gasped. “Oh, goodness!” she exclaimed. “Don’t worry, little darling! I’ll get you fixed up in no time!” 

With careful hands, she scooped Luna up into her arms, clinging on tighter as the cat tried her best to get away.

Release me! Luna cried. Put me down, you fool! I’ll make you pay for your crimes!

“Just you wait,” the woman cooed, not seeming to notice the cat’s protests. “We’ll be thick as thieves, you and I! I’ve always wanted a cat, you know. I’ve just started sewing, too – I can make you little dresses, and you can wear them all around the house! How does that sound, little kitty?”

No, Luna cried. No!!!

As the door closed, her cries fell silent. All things considered, Objection thought it was an apt punishment: eternal humiliation. 

 Now, there was only Mittens. 

He was right where Objection had expected him to be – lying back on his throne, surrounded by fish bones and rat corpses, purring up a storm.

Mittens, he said. 

Eh? Mittens grunted, not bothering to move. Who disturbs me?

Your rightful ruler, you idiot, Objection hissed.

That got him to move. He jumped three feet in the air, landing on his feet and gazing down at Objection with wide eyes. It can’t be, he said. You’re dead!

Objection sat, his tail flicking against the cobblestone as he observed his replacement up close. It was a pitiful sight. Mittens smelled of ale and rotten cheese, and he was already trembling like a leaf.

Well? Would you like to test if I’m real? Objection drawled.

Mittens took a step back, hissing. Don’t come any closer! he warned. Guards? Guards! Kill this intruder!

Objection tilted his head. No one is coming, Mittens. 

After a moment, Mittens seemed to realize that Objection was right – no one was coming to his rescue. 

Wh- What do you want? Mittens asked. Leave me be!

Step down, and never return. 

It was a calm, simple suggestion, but Mittens gaped at him as if he’d just assigned an advanced calculus problem. You can’t mean that! he exclaimed. You - you can’t make me!

Objection flattened his ears, narrowing his eyes. I most certainly can, he said, flashing his claws. Would you like to see?

For a moment, Mittens hesitated. Then, with a reluctant yowl, he ran into the shadows, bounding away as fast as he could.

Revenge never tasted sweeter than it did then, watching the so-called ruler of the Lower City’s West End running like a coward, abandoning his throne. 

When he had disappeared, Objection turned to see his old friend, Barsik, observing in the distance.

Still alive, friend? Barsik asked. I thought you might be. It’s good to see you.

And you, Objection replied. I couldn’t stand by while these fools created a mess in my absence.

You’ve done well, Barsik told him. You aren’t staying?

It was a nice thought, but there was a warm bed waiting for him. No, he responded. I must return to where I belong.

Barsik blinked slowly, bowing his head. I understand, he said. What shall I tell the others?

Objection thought for a moment. Tell them that the true Baron of the Lower City’s West End has retired. 

And with that, his tail held high in success, he headed home. 

It didn’t take long. The streets were mostly empty, and the path was clear. Finally, he would be able to rest knowing that he had executed his plan – and rather perfectly, at that.

Once he had finally made his way back inside, he licked himself clean, crept through the bedroom door, and leapt into Zoraya’s bed. 

She stirred at his movements, blinking at him through heavy eyes. “Objection?” she asked drowsily. “What have you been up to?”

In response, Objection curled up next to her chest, closed his eyes, and purred.

[thelostgirl21]

I have a bit of a sad interpretation of Radovid and Vizimir's relationship dynamic on the show, that I've occasionally touched upon, but never really took the time to fully address on its own; nor quite taken the time to reflect on how it affects his behaviors and the choices he makes on the show, as well as how he is experiencing his relationship with Jaskier.

As some of you may know, I was raised by a mother with a narcissistic personality disorder (NPD), and only discovered, at age 30, that there was anything unhealthy and abnormal about our relationship.

Looking back, there are moments when I go "How the fuck did I ever think that was okay?!", but that's just the thing. If the grass you've been walking on since you were young has always been purple, you can't know that it's supposed to be green.

Often, parents with NPD will treat their children as an extension of themselves, absolutely "adore them", and be very protective of their relationship with them...

...as long as the child provides them with a steady dose of narcissistic supply, and makes them feel like they are the center of their world, that is.

They will also manage to create this very "it's you and I against the rest of the world, and we can only trust in and rely on each other!" worldview, that will keep their child psychologically isolated from any outside interference/influence.

Instinctively, we learn to become our parent's "sidekick", confident, the only one they claim they can fully trust, and do our best to avoid individuating - becoming our own person too much - outside of what they are willing to accept or tolerate from us.

We will take center stage only when they are proudly showing us off to other people, and sharing in our accomplishments - that is, when our successes are making them feel good and proud about themselves.

But otherwise, we tend to make ourselves smaller and let them hog the spotlight, as we know that our job is to make them feel important, admired, etc.

Our job, in social settings, is to be their #1 fan and supporter!

And, the more we succeed in making them feel good about themselves; the more we are "valued" and "cherished" by them.

From the outside, the relationship between us can even be idealized, because all people can see is a smiling child that's really close to their parent: we make them proud, they make us proud, and we offer to the rest of the world the illusion of a happy and close-knit family unit (an illusion we often learn to believe in ourselves).

But the "love" we receive from them is not a healthy kind of unconditional love and acceptance.

It is a very conditional, almost contractual kind of "love".

There is this unspoken agreement between us that, if we do a good job at making our parent happily bask in the positive reflection of themselves we can offer them - then we shall be rewarded with their "love" and "approval".

Sadly, that unspoken rule doesn't give you a lot of room to figure out who you truly are outside of that relationship, and become your own person.

It doesn't give you a lot of room to believe that becoming your own person even actually matters!

And it also comes with the hidden threat that, should we no longer be someone (or rather "something", because they tend to see us as objects and possessions, rather than full-fledged individuals) they approve of, we'll no longer be accepted by them, nor any longer truly be safe around them.

Our own wants, needs, and concerns are often minimized, ridiculed or downright dismissed, and treated as unimportant whenever it's something they do not wish to be bothered with, and/or they have no clue how to address and handle.

And, while I know that Vizimir isn't Radovid's father (on the show, that is), I still can't help but see a similar dynamic going on between them.

We don't know how old the two brothers were when they lost their parents, but there's this distinct sense that King Vizimir sees Radovid as someone that depends on him, rather than an equal.

Philippa also refers to Radovid as King Vizimir's "baby brother".

So, there seems to be this idea that Radovid is supposed to be young enough, compared to Vizimir, for the King to feel like he's someone that Radovid should look up to and rely on for guidance.

The idea that - although the two of them are full-fledged adults now - Radovid might still allow Vizimir to infantilize him and make decisions for him, is something that is actually suggested in later scenes.

Ex: Radovid stating that Vizimir is the one that has been trying for years to find him a purpose at court. Vizimir more or less deciding that Radovid is to attend the conclave without consulting with him on it first. The way he goes "let's get you hosed down with a quickness!", expecting him to go get a bath right away!

And, in true narcissistic fashion, Vizimir also has a strong lack of empathy for anything and anyone that does not belong to him, and/or that does not personally affect him.

He's annoyed by being blamed for the murder of that "stupid elven baby", while making it sound like it's something trivial the elves should just have gotten over. He makes it very clear that the one thing that upsets him the most about the failed Thanedd coup is the fact that his people might start doubting him, not the losses of lives that people suffered.

His baby brother - that he supposedly "adores" - goes missing and is presumed possibly dead...

...and there he is! Getting his portrait painted (how's that for symbolism?), joking about corpses showing up to the castle faster than living people, and upset about things not happening the way that he was promised they would!

Sure, he does ask Dijkstra for news of his brother, but only after he's asked him about what he's heard from the front.

And he talks about his little brother being "dead in a ditch somewhere" with a sense of angry entitlement. Basically, as a way of justifying his decision to get rid of Philippa to Dijkstra.

When I watched that scene, I actually couldn't help but wonder if that wasn't one of the reasons he'd sent Radovid with them.

Not that I think he'd ever have planned or intended to let his brother be endangered to the point of him potentially ending up dead, mind you.

But, because I think he's fully aware that his little brother is the kind of annoying little shit that you ask to stay put, briefly turn around, and then by the time you look back he's already gone off to catch lutes and seduce bards Gods know where!

So, I think he's using Radovid to purposefully make things more complicated for them.

I mean, come on! Philippa complaining that Radovid was no longer at the last place she left him (when he suddenly showed up during her meeting with Jaskier), and the idea of a whole fucking group of guards being unable to keep track of where a single prince with a bright red doublet and a heavy fur cloak "suddenly went" is kind of hilarious!

Just picture (or conceptualize, for those of you like me with aphantasia) in your mind, if you will, that large group of guards we later saw dead in the room Radovid was found weeping in by Jaskier, escorting Radovid through those woods...

...and suddenly! Radovid's gone! And none of them are able to figure out in which direction he took off, nor catch up with him!

The fact that they just went back to Aretuza to wait for him without launching a big search party through the night also suggests that this might be a bit of a recurring occurrence.

I can just imagine the scene...

Guards: *Walking, walking, walking...*

Guard #1: *Feeling things have grown awfully silent.* Say, which one of you currently has a direct visual on the prince?

Guard #2 [who's been newly hired]: Ah, why are you all talking like he's no longer with - *turns around, can't see him* Wait. Where did he go?

Guard #1: *Sighs heavily, pinching the bridge of his nose.* Not again... I suppose all of you guys walking behind him didn't see anything?

Guard #3: I swear he was right in front of me a moment ago!

Guard #4: There was this noise right *points to an area in the woods* over there, and I only turned my head FOR A SECOND to try to see where it came from!

Guards #5, #6, #7, #8, #9: Me too!

Guard #10: So, what do we do now?

Guard #1 : We follow the usual protocol.

Guard #2: And what's that?

Guard #1: Go back to the common room, stay put, and cross our fingers he doesn't get himself hit by a carriage, permanently adopted by a new family, or attacked by some wild creature and killed out there. He'll turn up eventually! If it takes too long, we can always try attracting him with his favorite food... Or walk around the area a bit, trying to follow the sound of -

Guard #3: We shan't be doing that again!

Guard #1: Oh, come on! If you'd just knocked, or asked if he was okay and needed anything before barging into the stables' stack room...

Guard #3: I thought he was in danger, alright?! It sounded like he was being strangled or something!

Guard #1 : *Shrugs* By this point, I'm just grateful we don't have to worry about him getting pregnant on top of it...

Guard #3 : And I really could have done without having to explain to King Vizimir why we brought him back home looking so disheveled, dirty, smelly, and with strands of hay sticking out from his hair and the fur of his coat!

Guard #2: Ah, are we still talking about the prince or the King's pet cat?

Guard #11: Yes.

Guard #2: *Looking even more confused.*

Guard #12: Just give it a few months, it'll make sense.

Guard #3: *Still mumbling to himself.* And the smug bastard had the audacity to just strut back into the castle like he owns the place, rub his shoulder against the King's, and head straight for the kitchen...

Guard #2: But what about that secret job Dijkstra gave us?

Guard #1: Well, to kidnap that princess we first needed to find that bard.

Guard #7: *Sighs heavily.* Yeah, and to find that bard, we needed the bard-locating gay prince that Dijkstra was hoping would lead us to them. Trust us, it's hopeless! We're going back and staying put.

So yeah, if Vizimir was operating under the assumption that Nilfgaard had no idea that the Redanian Intelligence planned to purge the Brotherhood of Vilgefortz and his spies, and he believed things would be relatively safe for his little brother at the Conclave Ball, he could very well have sent him there with them as a bit of an "insurance policy".

If things didn't perfectly go according to plan, and Vizimir felt like Radovid had been endangered in any way, then he'd have been able to use it to justify virtually any punishment he'd have wished to impose on his advisers for their incompetence.

It's not even about strategy, but simply about that instinctive need to keep that sense of control and power - of adding and imposing certain conditions, that he can then use to his advantage.

In essence, I fully trust that Vizimir would be smart enough to know that if Dijkstra and Philippa's plan doesn't perfectly work out, and Radovid goes through some "unpleasantness" as a result, he'll be able to use it to his advantage and double down on their incompetence, because complaining about how incompetent others are gives him the illusion that he's the smartest or most skilled person in the room, and from what I've seen on the show, it's one of the things that brings him great joy!

But I don't quite trust that Vizimir had the required level of wit to fully grasp the potential consequences of his actions - i.e. that if things went REALLY went south while Radovid was there, he could have accidentally gotten his little brother killed.

Essentially, I believe that Dijkstra's own reading of his motivations, when he said "No, it's all for show. Vizimir just needs to remind everyone who wears the crown," after he decided to assign Radovid to their team, at the beginning of the season, was pretty spot on.

He's basically just using Radovid to send them the message that "even a drunken idiot like my brother, with absolutely no experience in politics or intelligence work, could do a better job than you two!", and remind them of their place.

(Problem is that Radovid is far from being as idiotic, drunk, and clueless as he appears to be, and I'm pretty sure that Vizimir had no idea!)

To Vizimir, however, his little brother is basically just another tool for him to use.

The only person that Vizimir does seem to treat as an equal / idealize on the show appears to be Queen Hedwig.

I tend to see their relationship a bit as a "Thénardiers situation", where two narcissistic partners, with little to no empathy for people outside of themselves, have such highly compatible overall needs, goals, and ways of viewing themselves in relation to the rest of the world, that they'll form a very tight partnership, and get attached.

But even there, King Vizimir - until he eventually grew impatient - was totally willing to consider marrying Cirilla and having her replace Hedwig as his new Queen.

Then again, I wouldn't put it past Vizimir to be so naive and self-absorbed that he'd think Queen Hedwig would have been content with being relegated to becoming the "Princess Consort" to the King, or something.

Hedwig, however, was apparently perfectly happy with the idea of handing an innocent girl over to the Emperor of Nilfgaard, so she could remain in power.

And surprisingly, clever enough to manage to organize secret meetings with a Nilfgaard envoy right under Dijkstra and Philippa's noses, without either of them suspecting or noticing anything...

... until Radovid said something about it, that is.

It's no wonder that Dijkstra and Philippa chose to eliminate her, because she'd proved to be an actual adversary with the power of swaying King Vizimir's political opinions and decisions, thus threatening to reduce Dijkstra's level of influence over the King.

But Radovid?

He's really seems to just be this adorable little source of narcissistic supply to his brother - with no level of personal agency nor specific role in his world other than making Vizimir feel good about himself - and being a tool that his brother can use to pressure others, and/or prove a point.

Because, the King might have been overjoyed to discover that Radovid was still alive and enthusiastically went to hug him...

...as soon as he caught a glimpse of his own image (the portrait), he immediately stopped paying any attention to his brother and physically stepped away from him.

While the goal of that sidestep might primarily have been to allow the audience a clear view of the portrait; narratively and visually, it shows Vizimir's own ego as creating this "wedge" between the two brothers.

Actually, there's barely any room left for Radovid himself to be in that shot anymore (no, I didn't make the gif narrower here, it's really the way the scene is framed on the show)!

He's quite literally pushed aside and Vizimir himself - with his portrait - almost takes up the whole space!

Then, it's like Vizimir's instincts kick in and he "suddenly remembers" that he's not alone in the room;

and that he's got a "big brother role" to play if he wants Radovid to keep treating him like he's just the greatest in the world!

And even there, he "plays his role" by managing to make it more about him being upset, and what he intends to do to get reparation for the worry that Radovid's disappearance had caused him, rather than showing any interest in learning about whatever Radovid might have gone through, or whatever he might be feeling or needing now, following his ordeal!

"I should never have left you!" (i.e. I'm so important and powerful that only I can truly keep you safe, obviously! Had I been with you, clearly this never would have happened!)

"Don't worry there will be consequences!" (i.e. I'll use the fact that you were endangered as an excuse to punish people, so I can feel all powerful and important, again, while pretending to be doing it for your own sake !)

This scene does a superb job of reminding Radovid of his "rightful place" within the family, and that he should essentially be grateful for any bit of attention that King Vizimir is willing to bestow upon him.

Otherwise he's the spare, the invisible child, the one that doesn't matter and has no particular use other than being this adorably cute little doll that his brother likes to have around, but with no sense of agency or purpose of his own.

And his expression in that scene kills me every single time:

Because I think being around Jaskier is starting to make Radovid realize what real love and genuine concern for those you care about is and looks like...

And this isn't it...

Sure, his brother does not fully belong to himself and his first responsibility, as a king, should be to his people, first and foremost...

So, it's not like he could have expected him to abandon all of his duties and the threat of an ongoing war to personally go lead a search party for him out there!

Radovid can't really expect King Vizimir to fight for him the same way Jaskier and his family are willing to fight and risk everything for each other.

But how about... Oh, I don't know? Coming out of that hug while sparing a moment to really look at him, ask him if he's okay, and if there's anything he needs?

Instead, the scene pretty much goes:

"Yay! You're alive!"

"Wait. Hold on! Don't I look dashing?!"

"Oh! Right! You're still here, and I'm supposed to care about you!"

"A-hem! Here we go: you had me so worried!"

"But don't worry! Thanks to you, I'll finally be able to get rid of Philippa!"

"Ah, crap. She found you?" *Sigh* "Not going to lie, that sort of messes with my plans to have her executed, bro'..."

"No matter! You look absolutely awful and you stink! Let's order you a bath!"

In my humble opinion? That's not a big brother showing any freaking tiny bit of actual love, care, and concern for his little brother...

That's essentially someone that:

is happy that their lost car has finally been found and brought back to them,

accidentally catches their reflection in one of the windows, and takes a moment to admire their new stunning outfit,

is then annoyed to discover that the one they were planning to blame for stealing stealing the car is, in fact, the very person that found it and brought it back home safely;

and now, they want to have it sent to the carwash, because someone took it for a joyride while it went missing, got sweat, dirt, and a bunch of other things all over its seats, and it stinks!

I know that this scene made a lot of people see Vizimir as having basically a single redeeming quality - i.e. genuinely loving his little brother and wanting his happiness.

And I'm not saying that it can't be interpreted that way. That we can't see Vizimir as sorely lacking social skills and being very clumsy in his affections, rather than having full blown NPD, etc.

But, to me, it hit extremely close to home, and was borderline triggering.

Because Radovid could have died out there, according to Vizimir he looks awful and he stinks...

...and yet, his big brother is more interested in getting rid of the smell (what bothers him), and moving on; rather than asking him what happened, why he looks so awful in the first place, why he stinks, and if there's anything he can do to make things better, or offer him support.

He's showing Radovid no actual love nor concern for what he went through. He's just glad to have gotten his favorite "pet" back!

By contrast, when Jaskier had found Radovid weeping alone in a corner, he'd stopped, sat down, asked him what happened, and then offered him some actual help.

Jaskier looks at Radovid while caring about what he's going or has been going through - even after he'd behaved in a way that had disappointed him earlier - while Vizimir utterly lacks the ability to see him, and only cares about how his disappearance had him - Vizimir - worried.

Like Radovid himself said, Vizimir isn't "bad", and I don't believe he would go out of his way to hurt Radovid under normal circumstances (not unless he suddenly started perceiving him as a threat).

Narcissism, after all, is a spectrum, and I don't perceive Vizimir as being a highly malignant nor skillfully manipulative one.

He is actually awfully quick to "forgive" as soon as you flatter his ego, and you suggest a course of action that he thinks will make him look good, or feel influential (he got over Yennefer's "betrayal" within seconds!).

But Vizimir wanting his little brother to be happy, for example, wouldn't be proof of actual "love", nor a proof that he can't have NPD, either. On the contrary!

People seem to believe that individuals with NPD are never interested in doing anything that benefits or pleases others, when some of them can be huge people pleasers, to the point where it can become a problem!

Because, should you fail to be in awe of their generosity and profusely thank them for what they've done for you - should you dare say "no" to one of their grand, generous offers (or say "no" in a way that fails to first take note of that generosity) - you might just risk getting yourself on their shit list!

So yeah, there's absolutely no denying that, ultimately, King Vizimir chose to let his little brother go - he took the decision that most pleased Radovid - but we don't see how the whole argument between them went, and what motivated him to make that decision.

Just that Radovid seemed elated to be allowed to leave (and with good reason!)!

Our brains can therefore take it in a variety of directions.

And mine personally found that scene both "funny" (in a Gilderoy Lockhart exaggerated caricature of someone with NPD kind of way... Especially since paintings and mirrors are often used in stories to symbolise NPD... ), and really painful, borderline triggering to watch.

It hit very close to home, and made me feel like the only reason Vizimir and Radovid had any kind of relationship - at all - was because Radovid had been smart enough to behave in a way that would avoid setting his big brother's insecurities off, and allowed Vizimir to be made to feel as self-important as he needed to be in their relationship.

It made me feel like Radovid had instinctively found a way to remain safe, and stay in King Vizimir's good graces at court, by simply adopting this gentle and seemingly inoffensive baby brother persona, and had never shown any interest in ruling or even simply occupying any space that Vizimir had been unwilling to offer to share with him.

And it gave me the very distinct vibe that, to King Vizimir, Radovid simply is not his own person.

He's basically just this cute little "pet brother", that he can dote upon to his heart's content, thus making himself feel good about how great a big brother he is!

It made me genuinely feel like Vizimir absolutely does not love nor see him; he simply loves how Radovid makes him feel, and the positive image that Radovid keeps reflecting back to him.

And I think that, within that context, Radovid did the smartest thing he ever could have done by asking King Vizimir to let him go the way he did. Because he made it sound like Vizimir had done everything he could to try to find him a place that would make him happy at court, and was being very non-confrontational about it.

Radovid made it sound like the "problem" came from him, not from his brother nor his environment, and made sure to express some form of gratitude towards his brother at the same time as making his request to leave.

He sort of went: "Despite your best efforts, I pretty much suck at everything here and won't be of any help to anyone. But, I've found something out there that I feel might suit me and would like to give it a try. Will you please let me?"

What I find interesting, too, is that, in the next scene, we see Radovid asking his manservant to go sell some of his valuables to get the coins he'll need for his journey.

This either suggests that Radovid has always been using whatever money his brother gave him to buy stuff for himself with it right away, thus putting no money aside for emergencies...

...or that the "annuity" Prince Radovid has been receiving from his big brother has actually always been offered to him in the form of luxuries, rather than actual money (that would have provided Radovid with a greater sense of financial/personal autonomy from his brother).

This also suggests that, while Radovid was successful in convincing his brother to let him leave, Vizimir didn't exactly go out of his way to offer to help him on his travels, either.

So, I tend to imagine that the conversation between them having ended with something like "Fine! But know that if you're determined to do this, you'll be on your own! I can't afford to spare any resources to help you go chasing after love in the middle of a war!" or something like that, with Vizimir fully expecting that his little brother would come running back to him, tail between his legs, as soon as he'd be forced to face the world on his own out there.

And the other aspect that makes me highly suspect that, deep down, their whole relationship wasn't based on genuine unconditional love and trust, but on some kind of unspoken narcissistic agreement, is that Radovid truly was concerned that his big brother might believe Dijkstra's lies over his own word and have him executed for treason, to the point where he kept the truth behind Queen Hedwig's murder to himself.

So, King Vizimir and Prince Radovid both appear to be wearing masks and playing roles with each other, to either receive narcissistic supply (Vizimir), and/or have the King's "love", "approval", and "protection" (Radovid).

And Dijkstra's threats to Radovid were so effective, I think, because it made Radovid doubt not only in:

a) his own ability to keep his big brother's love and approval in the face of Dijkstra's lies, but also

b) his brother's own ability to keep him safe at court from Dijkstra and Philippa...

After all, if Dijkstra and Philippa were confident enough to commit regicide and openly tell the Crown Prince about it - while 100% believing that they would be able to get away with it should Radovid rat them out (i.e. that Vizimir would side with them over his own "baby brother") - well...

... let's say that Radovid better find a way to keep everyone happy with him, and get himself out of that difficult situation!

Up until that "head in a box" moment, I think Radovid could afford to be a little shit and condescending towards Philippa and Dijkstra because, as "King Vizimir's favorite pet", he thought of himself as being untouchable.

But he's not. As the text accompanying his casting card said, to him, "It's all games until someone gets hurt."

And the interesting thing is that Radovid's contempt towards the two spymasters, until then, seemed to be related to their methods, that he appeared to highly disapprove of, and even find ridiculous (" Yes, Dijkstra. Use me. Shall I, uh... chat with kitchen hands? Uh, watch for shady carriages rolling up? Shadow my brother's wife? You seem nowhere close to finding this powerful Princess Cirilla.").

He also clearly tells them:

"And I'm wondering if perhaps our methods of obtaining the girl would be more easily achieved with a carrot than a stick."

And, to me, that was one of the most important lines that Radovid has spoken on the show - to people that aren't Jaskier - that reveal who he truly is, deep down, and hopefully the kind of leader that we could expect him to become.

Because I think that, despite being the product of a highly manipulative and narcissistic environment, and having been conditioned to see all that "purple grass" as being "normal", somewhere along the way, Radovid has managed to develop the belief that power is more effectively gained by building alliances, and offering people something they want or they need in exchange for their help/services, rather than constantly resorting to threats and deep political intrigues.

At his core, Radovid is not at all dominating, controlling, nor seeking to take advantage of people...

His instincts appear to be geared towards negotiation, collaboration, and seeking solutions that will benefit everyone involved as much as possible.

There's also the fact that, when asked what was going on through Radovid's head when he's crowned king in the aftermath of Vizimir's murder, Hugh Skinner answered: "I think it's absolute disbelief. He's been so sort of directionless and trying to stay under the radar in this world full of death. And then he finally meets the love of his life, and then he's sucked right back in. I think he's absolutely terrified and totally gutted."

There really is this sense that the loss of his brother isn't as traumatic to him as the fact that he's now unable to leave that highly toxic, loveless, and manipulative environment behind.

Another thing that feels like a bit of a red flag, in terms of Radovid being the victim of narcissistic abuse, is how much effort he instinctively keeps putting into trying to make Jaskier feel good about himself, and/or the way he's seen attempting to fix everyone's problems on his own (rather than asking for help).

I mean, he did say "I'm scared, Jaskier".

And again, I'm not blaming Jaskier for his response, because that's usually what people are seeking from him: reassurance and acceptance.

"Just saying that, makes you braver than you know," is not a bad response at all! That's actually typically what people expect or want from Jaskier.

Because, if you want to offer someone courage, and let them know you don't think any lesser of them for being human and having fears, that answer is absolutely excellent!

But, if I'm remotely right about Radovid, then openly asking for help would be extremely hard for him.

Because when your concerns, worries, fears, etc. have systematically been treated as a nuisance, and/or the people that have claimed to love you have been systematically threatening to withdraw their love and approval if you brought them more trouble than satisfaction throughout your whole life, then you learn to avoid complaining about what bothers you, and you instinctively try to solve your problems (and sadly, often other people's problems) on your own.

And it can be extremely hard to trust that the person you are growing attached to will still like you if you are in a situation where you need their help, unless they are the ones to openly offer to help you.

So, when Jaskier didn't ask Radovid why he was scared, nor showed any open interest in helping him handle what scared him, Radovid immediately went back to offering Jaskier a positive reflection of himself - letting Jaskier know that what makes him so special is how he sees the best in others.

Radovid went right for what usually allows him to get any bit of love, approval and comfort from the people that are closest to him in his life - i.e. focusing on the other person's needs, and letting them know how great they are - while keeping the source of his own troubles to himself.

He's still being genuine with Jaskier - as I believe that the positive image Radovid is offering him is an entirely sincere one - but Radovid's instinct is to push his own needs aside, and attempt to earn Jaskier's love and approval by positively feeding Jaskier's ego.

Then, there's also the way that he seemingly internalized Jaskier's disappointment in him to such levels that he felt the need to tell Jaskier that he "shouldn't have to stay and listen to him" (when Radovid had simply been answering Jaskier's own questions until then, not asking for his attention), while sounding like he genuinely believed it.

Or the very sincere and heartbreaking confusion on his face when Jaskier expressed concern over Radovid's safety, and offered him an escape route (sending him to friends that he trusted would help him reach Tretogor safely).

Because normally, in the world Radovid has been living in, the mistake he'd made, and the way he'd failed to earn and effectively maintain Jaskier's approval of him, should normally have been sufficiant for Jaskier to completely stop loving him, totally wash his hands clean of him, and let him be captured and killed!

In a "purple grass universe", love is something conditional that must be constantly earned, rather than something that naturally occurs between two people that emotionally connect and choose to look after each other's needs and well-being.

You want your heart broken into a thousand little pieces?

Re-watch the scene where Radovid takes that piece of paper from Jaskier while answering "I don't get it."

And consider that, perhaps, he genuinely doesn't. That it might be the very first time, in Radovid's life, that he is experiencing what it's like to have someone genuinely care about him, acknowledge him as simply being human, and act like he still deserves help and understanding regardless of his flaws and mistakes.

Servants and guards are duty bound to tend to his needs and see to his safety...

Vizimir treats him as a pet, and only cares about Radovid making him feel good about himself...

Courtesans are more or less usually looking to increase their own social status, and access luxurious court entertainment, by associating with him...

And then, there's Jaskier...

Jaskier, that notices he's only pretending to be a drunken idiot to keep himself safe, so the vipers in the nest he's living in will pay him no mind...

Jaskier, that is willing to take the risk of being emotionally raw and vulnerable ("Extraordinary Things") with him, in the hopes that Radovid will know it's safe for him to be honest and authentically himself with Jaskier as well...

Jaskier, that sees him cornered and weeping in a room full of dead guards, knows he is at risk of being found and captured if he remains there without any protection, and spontaneously offers to share his own resources to hopefully help him reach safety...

Jaskier, who clearly states that his plan (to allow Radovid to walk out of his life) has changed, refuses to go with him only because he needs to find his family first, and seems distraught at the thought of Radovid coming with him instead, because he doesn't want to put him in harm's way...

Jaskier, that fears for him, cares for what happens to him, and worries about him, regardless of Radovid having disappointed him earlier that day...

Jaskier, that chooses to help Radovid and take responsibility for him out of love, and because of his ability and desire to connect with what Radovid is going through - to understand him...

He's not duty bound to serve him or look after his needs, he's not after increasing his social status, he's just able to connect with him as a person.

And so, when Hugh says that Radovid makes this connection with Jaskier that he's never made before, I don't think this even is about romance... I think it's literally about experiencing for the first time in his life what genuine love - of any kind - directed at himself, feels like.

Radovid is portrayed, on the show, as someone that has the capacity to love unconditionally and accept others as they are as well, but has never been allowed to fully realize the implication that, technically, he deserves to be loved unconditionally and accepted despite his own fears, flaws, issues, and mistakes, too.

And that's why the way that Jaskier spoke to him in that cabin, when he found Radovid looking for Ciri, hurt me so much...

His whole life, I believe that Radovid has been forced to suppress his own identity to be safe at court and "loved" by his brother (and perhaps his parents before him).

I don't think he's ever been loved and appreciated simply for who he is, nor been free to fully figure out - and especially openly express - who he is!

Jaskier had every right to be disappointed and criticize Radovid's actions and behavior, this is true.

But, instead of keeping the focus on what Radovid did wrong (i.e. something that can be corrected, changed and improved), Jaskier lashed out and attacked the core of who Radovid is...

And he did so, shortly after Radovid had expressed to Jaskier that he believes he has able to see people for who they truly are, not what they pretend to be, and to see the best in them.

It hurt - deeply - because Jaskier is apparently the very first person that Radovid has been able to make an honest connection with (according to Hugh, at least). The first person that he's trusted enough to allow himself to be vulnerable and sincere with.

And all it took was one mistake on his part for Jaskier to immediately be so disappointed in him that he withdrew all the love and approval he felt for Radovid (what victims of narcissistic abuse are conditioned to systematically fear, and believe will happen to them if they make a mistake they can't effectively justify), and tell him that he's nothing but a lie at his core - empty.

Behind the masks that Radovid has learned to wear to keep himself safe at court, Jaskier is now unable to see anything worth loving, caring for, or continuing to connect with anymore.

Radovid doesn't exist. He's no one. He's nothing­.

And, for Radovid, I think that Jaskier's response- withdrawing any love or approval as soon as he fails to meet his expectations - is normal.

Because he's spent his whole life being taught that the moment others became disappointed in him, or he became more trouble than he's worth, they'd be totally entitled to stop caring about him. And he'd only have himself to blame.

Radovid didn't even look or sound alarmed at the thought of being abandoned by Jaskier - to be captured and found - in that little corner of that room by that point, because it's all normal.

Jaskier is fully entitled to abandon him to die, should he wish to.

That, Radovid perfectly understands.

But then, Jaskier does something unexpected. He seems to realize that he let his own issues and fears get in the way earlier, that Radovid had been telling him the truth (perhaps not the whole truth, but he'd been honest about the risks he'd taken by ditching his whole security detail to keep him and Ciri safe, at the very least...), and shows Radovid that you don't stop caring about people just because they made a mistake that disappointed you.

Despite what Jaskier said earlier, the love and connection between them is still there - just shaken - and Jaskier still sees something in Radovid that feels precious enough to be worth saving and protecting.

He can't and won't abandon his family for Radovid (something that's entirely reasonable), but he's not abandoning him, either. He's fully willing to share some of his own Sandpiper resources with him in an effort to get him to safety.

And, when Radovid offers to go with Jaskier instead, Jaskier's main concern is to make Radovid understand that he's planning to basically rush headfirst into something very dangerous that could very possibly get him killed.

Again, he's worried about Radovid's own well-being and safety, first and foremost.

I think that's why I don't perceive Radovid's desire to go with Jaskier as some grand excessive foolish romantic gesture, but more as Radovid finally choosing to embrace who he truly is - give himself a chance to fully figure it out -over what other people want or expect from him.

Radovid, by this point, has literally nothing left to lose, but everything to gain - himself, most of all - by leaving his brother and his old life at court behind.

Radovid was literally making a choice that was worth dying for. The kind of emotional well-being and safety that a relationship with Jaskier offers him is 100% worth following him on some suicide mission.

Especially given that Jaskier himself doesn't exist all alone in a vacuum. He has a family, friends, social connections so precious to him that he's willing to risk everything to preserve them.

If Radovid is to begin making a life for himself, he might as well start there - do everything he can to help Jaskier be safely reunited with his loved ones, and explore the possibility of developing his own relationship with the members of Jaskier's family - integrate their group rather than attempting to have Jaskier all to himself.

And the funny thing is that Jaskier's family is filled with people that Radovid might have an easier time relating to than most.

Jaskier himself was born into nobility, and eventually chose to drop his title (and often his birth name) to pursue his own path and do what he feels like "he was put on this Continent to do", instead of what was expected of him as Viscount.

Cirilla is literally the Crown Princess to the Cintran throne.

Yennefer was once mage adviser to the King of Aedirn.

And then, there's the family goat... That's just as stubborn, principled, and grumpy as Dijkstra; but, as opposed to Dijsktra, Geralt greatly values, prioritizes, and respects the lives of all living beings over the prosperity of a single nation.

And, given Radovid's favorite song is (or likely was, before "Extraordinary Things") "Song of the Seven", I'm guessing that Radovid's own worldviews likely aren't purely human centric, either, and he might find Geralt's perspective on the world highly refreshing.

Actually, considering Radovid's own disdain for Dijkstra's and Philippa's political schemes and the games they enjoy playing, I could easily imagine them sharing a drink, while openly mocking and complaining about all that political pompous nonsense, fully agreeing that humans can really suck.

So, Jaskier's own family, oddly enough, would actually have been one of the easiest families for Radovid to be able to successfully integrate, and the most likely group of people to be able to appreciate Radovid for who he is as a person, first and foremost, rather than for the inherent political power he represents.

And it makes his forced coronation all the more heartbreaking and tragic.

Because until he met Jaskier, he could pretend that purple grass world was normal and go through the motions of his emotionally empty life...

But now he knows there's a whole world out there with green grass that "suits him" and that can offer him the type of emotional connections he actually needs...

And now his path to that world filled with warmth, love, and possibilities has been significantly blocked to him and he's stuck in a world that he finally knows he was right to fear.

Someone please just fucking get him out of there.

Another thing I find interesting, in relation to Radovid's behavior, is that victims of narcissistic abuse, that grew up in a narcissistic household, will also often struggle with boundaries - be it setting bounderies with others or identifying other people's boundaries - and when we accidentally cross them, we may experience a lot of shame and guilt, disproportionately so.

Which is another reasons why having Radovid sort of make Jaskier's problems his own, and having him go see Ciri without explaining his plan to "fix things" for everyone first, makes a lot of sense to me, too.

He single handedly decided that "it would make things easier for us" if Ciri came to live to Redania, because I genuinely think that he came to the conclusion that it would fix things for the most people involved, not out of any desire to trick Jaskier or go behind his back.

- He'd be out of Dijkstra's thumb and his brother might stop insisting that he keeps "playing spymaster" to annoy Dijkstra and Philippa.

- Ciri would have access to the support and protection of the most powerful army in the North.

- Jaskier and his family would be safe.

- A war with Nilfgaard would likely be averted, since it would create a powerful slliance between the North, Cintra, and all the nations having sworn fealty to Cintra... And, since Ciri is Elder Blood, Nilfgaard might also lose the support of the Scoia'tael.

- Ciri likely would refuse to come to Redania if Geralt and Yennefer aren't allowed to follow, perhaps bringing with them some much needed change to Redania.

- As narcissistic as King Vizimir is, as long as you present things to him in such a way that he can take credit for it, and it will make his people love him, he'll be on board with pretty much anything!

- And yes, obviously, if Jaskier's family "move in" and Jaskier himself chooses to "stick around", they'll be part of the same group, and free to be fully honest with each other.

I obviously can't say for sure what Radovid's whole reasoning behind going to see Ciri was, but I'm pretty sure that when he said that it would make things easier for "us" he pretty much meant it as in Jaskier, his whole, family, even the whole freaking Continent, and not just himself.

We are basically trained from birth to constantly "read into people's minds" (then made to feel inadequate whenever we misread them) when it comes to their wants, needs, and intents, because narcissists will keep their demands vague to escape responsibility, and it's our job to figure out what they want.

We thus learn to constantly anticipate other people's needs, and find solutions before they even ask for our help, in order to feel safe.

So Radovid just taking initiative like that and trying to make things easier makes tons of sense.

And that's also where the similarities and differences between Jaskier's empathy and Radovid's empathy are so fascinating to me.

Like Radovid said, Jaskier sees people for who they really are, not who they pretend to be. And Jaskier will tend to treat them in accordance to how he sees them, rather than the way they act - often at his own expanse (sadly), when that person isn't ready to show the sides of themselves that Jaskier sees in them.

Geralt never "changed" over the course of 3 seasons. Who he is, in season 3, is simply starting to finally resemble the person that Jaskier has always been able to see buried beneath all of Geralt's own fears and abandonment issues.

I believe that Jaskier saw the way Geralt kept self-sabotaging his relationships, and trying to cut himself off from his own emotions, sensitivity, and visceral need to connect; and he stubbornly refused to let him destroy and isolate himself.

That sort of "no matter how hard you try to push me away and prove to me that you're the monster you claim to be, I'm not going to do the same thing your mother and the rest of the world did, and abandon you. Because I see you, and I know you're wrong about being unlovable."

Geralt basically spent 20 years regularly "acting out" with Jaskier; testing his limits as well as the strength of his affections...

...until he went way too far with what he told him on the mountain and, I think Jaskier realised then that you simply can't save someone that doesn't want to be saved, no matter how much you love them, and no matter how much you empathize with them.

And, while Jaskier "saw" Geralt, he couldn't be everything that Geralt needed, back then, in order to allow himself to heal and start trusting that those familial bonds could truly be real and enduring.

I mean, Geralt and Yennefer are two people that did attempt connecting with others in the past - only to be seen as outcasts and monsters by society - that eventually reached the point of losing faith in people's ability to put other people's needs before their own, and ever see in them something genuinely worth loving.

Whereas Jaskier was this 20 year-old innocent, wide eyed, overeager puppy that imprinted on Geralt the moment he laid eyes on him, and decided he loved him and would follow him to the end of the Continent!

I'm not saying that Jaskier's love isn't valuable to Geralt, far from it!

But I could imagine how Geralt would be unable to trust that Jaskier would be able to love him as he truly was, and not an idealized version of himself that only existed in Jaskier's own mind.

I can understand how hard it would have been, for Geralt, to feel worthy of that level of devotion and affection, when he can't see what Jaskier sees in himself whenever he looks at his own reflection, and when he's utterly lost sight of those parts of himself.

And Jaskier treating Geralt according to how he saw in him rather than how Geralt pretended to be, while continuously forgiving or dismissing the sometimes awful way Geralt treated him, only increased Geralt's insecurities, I think.

Geralt locked away parts of himself so deep that he managed to make himself believe they didn't exist anymore; that his "true self" was that emotionally detached "Butcher" that needed no one (except Roach), and that the last thing he wanted or needed was someone wanting and needing him.

And yet, here they were...

Because all Jaskier could see in Geralt, despite the Witcher's best efforts to hide it, was a loyal protector that feels, loves, hurts, and connects with others deeply.

Someone that judges people not according to their nature nor physical appearance, but according their intentions, their potential for healing and for change, all the while being keenly aware of any outside and inner forces and influences at play.

If a werewolf only becomes murderous and dangerous to others because he can't control his actions while in wolf form, he'll find him a medallion that prevents him from turning into the wolf to keep others safe, rather than assassinate him.

Geralt has a deep respect for life and for all living creatures, and he deeply struggles in a world where people are willing to carelessly sacrifice lives for power, or out of blind senseless fear.

He is a deeply sensitive and beautiful soul.

Jaskier saw it. He saw him, loved him, and basically kept trying to remind Geralt that he was beautiful and worth loving; but sadly he wasn't ready to see and embrace it. He wasn't ready to see and love himself, nor believe that he could inspire such feelings in others.

Essentially, to Geralt, it's entirely possible that he feared Jaskier would eventually leave and abandon him the moment he realised that the person he loved didn't exist, and that he couldn't love the monster that Geralt believed he'd become over the years.

And Yennefer chose to abandon Geralt the very moment she learned that he had chosen to tie his fate to hers in order to save her from the Djinn, too.

Yes, Yennefer was grappling with her own insecurities, abandonment issues, and her own beliefs that she was "unlovable". She feared that Geralt's affections for her were just the fabrication of some Djinn's magic, not something she could genuinely inspire in the heart of another being.

She feared no one could ever love her for herself and for real.

But it still sent the message to Geralt that - once again - the decisions and choices he made, with the best intent in mind, were so terrible and awful that people would rather desert him than stay with him to try to figure things out together.

He tried doing the right thing, and still ended up hurting those he loved.

And, despite all evidence to the contrary, in Geralt's mind, I can imagine that it might just have been a matter of time before Jaskier would have realised that Geralt is basically cursed to continuously make things worst by trying to make things right, and hurt or kill those he loves the most as a result.

He might have instinctively felt like the best thing he could do was push Jaskier away before Jaskier finally abandoned him, too; or worse he winded up getting him killed.

Anyway, going off a tangent here, but my point is that Jaskier tends to see and love people for who they are at their core, rather than who they pretend to be...

...except when he's afraid of being wrong, and that accidentally seeing someone as better than they actually are might make someone he already deeply loves and feels protective of suffer.

Ex: He couldn't see Yennefer properly at first, because he saw her as someone that was highly manipulative, selfish, and predatory, that could take advantage of and hurt Geralt.

And he hesitated to fully trust what he saw in Radovid, too, because he was afraid that Radovid could be a knife that could harm Geralt or Ciri (and was struggling with his own trust and abandonment issues in relationships as well).

Whereas Radovid appears to very quickly have the ability to figure out what people most want and need, the motivations behind their actions, their vulnerabilities, and the lies they tell themselves.

As mentioned earlier, I think Radovid's biggest mistake, with Philippa and Dijkstra, came from his belief that he was safe from them given his position as Vizimir's "favorite pet", and Radovid's general disdain for how they tend to use their own intelligence to play senseless "games" with other people, in situations that could be handled much more easily, directly and effectively by offering them something in return.

Radovid's disadvantage towards them, I think, also came from him having always attempted to distance himself from politics and court intrigues, and therefore having a poor sense of how far some "players" are willing to go.

Philippa and Dijkstra are expert manipulators that revel in that sense of power and control, and will find sadistic pleasure in catching an opponent off guard.

Radovid strikes me as a potentially expert counter-manupulator, that could give them a run for their money and oppose them if (and this is important) he is given access to the right tools and resources to do so.

He's someone that could clearly see what they are doing, why they are doing it, use their own motivations and vulnerabilities against them, and flip the tables on them when they least expect it.

This is often why manipulators tend to be highly drawn to those with very high levels of emotional intelligence and empathy.

Their intelligence type - the way they think and analyze people's behaviors and are able to guess their motives - are extremely alike.

But whereas one (the sociopath) thinks: how can I take advantage of others for my own benefit, so I can stay in control and remain on top?

The other (the empath) thinks: how can I find the right balance between their needs and mine, so we can all grow stronger together, and build community?

One seeks to take power for themselves.

The other seeks to share power and empower others.

And whereas one feels energized and delights in their ability to skillfully "play games" with others (and will continuously seek challenges and conflicts so they can continue to prove their own intellectual superiority and dominate situations).

The other will only "play those games" and go head to head with manipulators out of necessity (generally, to keep themselves or others safe from those that are trying to take advantage of them), would rather avoid conflict, and will find it generally unpleasant and energy consuming to engage in these types of strategic plays.

People like Radovid represent a juicy and often irresistible challenge to manipulators with more antisocial traits.

They are a bit of an oddity, you see...

Because expert manipulators, like Dijkstra and Philippa, are often utterly unable to fully trust anyone but themselves, and they essentially believe that everyone is like them - that they would all take advantage of others if they could, and the only reason they shy away from power is because they aren't intelligent or cunning enough to outsmart those like them at the top, and take control.

They will attempt to morally justify their own actions with a "dog eats dog" mindset, convinced that if they hadn't gotten to you first, then you'd inevitably have attempted to get to them.

And someone like Radovid - that finds honesty and authenticity deeply beguiling, doesn't appear to be driven by a desire to take advantage of people nor seek power for himself, and would rather use his talents to empower and help others, rather than dominate them - challenges those beliefs.

So, manipulators will often try to put them in situations where they are cornered into using their own abilities to influence/manipulate "the game" - to perversely "help them" fully realise, and accept, that they are fellow wolves in sheep clothing, just like them.

There's this very weird, toxic, and highly dysfunctional sense of kinship and respect that might even develop in certain cases.

It's actually a concept that has often been turned into a trope, and romanticised in fictional stories.

i.e. The sociopath that becomes deeply attached to the highly emotionally intelligent and empathetic "hero", that is able to understand the way the sociopath thinks, and anticipate their moves, yet stubbornly remains "good", regardless of their best efforts to corrupt them and have them accept that, deep down, they're just like them.

So, Philippa's sudden interest in Radovid and her reflection that he is "good" at this game, to me showed that sort of natural sense of attraction that occurs between sociopath / empath.

She sees something of herself in Radovid that fascinates her and that she's curious to explore - see if she can push him to embrace those gifts they both share...

But, unlike Philippa, Radovid is not someone that derives any joy in taking advantage of others for his own gain.

He may not see or know people the way Jaskier appears to be able to see them, but he's very good at listening and figuring out what makes them "tick", and what to do or say to convince and influence them.

And, like I've just explained, those are abilities that you can either use to manipulate, dominate and stay in control (be a knife that cuts through them)...

...or to share power, find the balance between different people or groups of people's needs, empower them, and help them heal (be a spoon that feeds them).

And Radovid displays those skills in a variety of ways on the show.

For example, it was pretty clear Philippa was going nowhere with Jaskier, because she doesn't understand him - at all.

If she'd listened to his songs, she'd have known that Jaskier is a fiercely loyal friend, that has faced countless life threatening situations and dangers by Geralt's side, and would probably be willing to endure horrible pain and die rather than betray those he loves.

Fortunately, however, they have the most powerful army in the North, and Ciri and her family so happen to be in need of protection.

So, if Ciri allies with Redania, then Cintra and all the nations still loyal to Cintra will join forces with Redania. They'll have a big enough army to keep the Scoiat'ael, Nilfgaard, and pretty much whatever and whoever is going to try coming after her, Geralt, and Yennefer at bay.

And okay, maybe he might have gotten carried away for a moment there, when already suggesting to Jaskier that they get married he becomes their royal bard, but he's not wrong!

Despite Redania not being perfect it's still, technically, their "least bad option".

When he asks Jaskier to sing him a song, he also asks him to pick his favorite - thus showing interest in listening to Jaskier sing about what pleases him, rather than the song that Radovid himself would have enjoyed most (Song of the Seven)...

... AND he mentions that his guests would love a song about his "white-haired Witcher" - again, showing a care and awareness of other people's needs.

But the way he says that Geralt is Jaskier's is also something I find extremely significant.

It may seem a small detail, but telling someone "I'm perfectly comfortable listening to you passionately singing the praises of a close companion you deeply love" is a pretty strong way for Radovid to show compersion, and let Jaskier know that the idea of him being on the ambiamorous and/or polyamorous side (note: I consider that the term "amory" refers to different forms of committed companionships, not just romantic ones) does not bother him.

With a simple single request, Radovid is able to convey that he wants to listen to Jaskier tell him about what pleases him; that he's someone with the ability to take other people's needs into consideration rather than making demands that will solely benefit himself, and that there's no need for Jaskier to pretend that the love he feels for the significant people in his life means less to him than it does when he's with him.

And yes, I really do like to headcanon that the first verse of "Extraordinary Things" was improvised on the spot by Jaskier.

Because, as an ambiamorous person myself, the day I discovered that my romantic interest not only accepted, but strongly supported, my closest and most intimate friendships without any hint of jealousy or feeling remotely threatened by the idea that my heart could love multitudes, I fell even deeper in love with him.

I believe that this is when I started perceiving him as my primary partner, rather than an "interest"; and that this unconditional acceptance I experienced from him is what naturally lead him to eventually become my monoamorous romantic life companion (though many of my friendships have remained fairly queerplatonic).

That sense of complete and utter freedom to be myself, and to love the way that I love - rather than the way others would want me to love based on any social rules and conventions - triggered some very deep and visceral sense of attachment and connection towards him.

Especially since, back then, I didn't have all those terms and labels to describe how I felt, and help me conceptualize and even fully understand it.

Until then, I had been used to my boyfriends or girlfriends expecting me to adopt certain specific "romantic behaviors" towards them, and "friendship behaviors" towards others.

I'd been taught that, apparently, snuggling up to your best friend to watch a movie, while allowing him to play with your hair, should be reserved to romantic partners, especially if you're a woman and said friend is a man.

I'd been taught that your "boyfriend" or "girlfriend" should apparently be "entitled" to feel jealous, or even disrespected, if they catch you doing such a thing, and it's unnatural to want to express platonic emotional love and intimacy through physically sensual behaviors.

But why?!

How is my snuggling up to my best friend preventing me from doing the same with my boyfriend or girlfriend later on to express romantic attraction instead? And/or why should it hinder my ability to fully commit to my romantic relationship with him?

Frédérick is thus pretty much the first partner (a cisgender heterosexual man, no less!) that didn't enter the relationship with any expectations, and allowed us to define our romance and set our own boundaries according to our respective needs and wants, rather than how we "should" behave with each other and with our friends as "boyfriend and girlfriend" according to society's conventions.

He trusted me, was deeply curious about me, excited to discover where the relationship would take us, and he couldn't see why my being emotionally, sensually, and even sexually close to any other friend that I had platonic feelings for should take anything away from the romantic relationship and companionship that we were sharing and slowly building and defining together.

And I swear, if I'd had a lute between my hands, and the ability to spontaneously improvise songs like Jaskier can back then, I'm pretty sure that what would have come out of my mouth would have been something akin to "Extraordinary Things".

Because such an approach to a relationship - that feeling that the other person is attempting to get to know you, figure you out, and simply attempting connect with who you are rather than come at you with a list of everything they think you should be to meet their needs - makes you feel safe, wanted, accepted, and like you are finally enough.

With him, I have enough. And with him I am enough.

And we know Jaskier's able to do it! If he came up with "Toss A Coin To Your Witcher" on the spot, you bet that he can improvise the first verse and chorus on "Extraordinary Things", just because Radovid keeps looking at him like Jaskier is absolutely fascinating, and wonderful, and he's drinking up every single word coming out of his mouth while he sings!

So yeah, my headcanon is that the first part of "Extraordinary Things" was 100% improvised by Jaskier when he finally realised that Radovid's attention and interest in him and the content of his songs was entirely genuine, rather than him pretending to like his music so that Jaskier would be tempted to let his guards down around him.

That when he saw how eager Radovid was to listen to Jaskier sing about what pleases and inspires him, Jaskier's mask totally fell off, and the words and melody just spontaneously poured out of him!

And I like to headcanon that the second part of the song might have been written after the Thanedd coup.

"Drop the sweet disguise,

Your heart's beating too loud,

The fairytales and little lies can't drown out all the sound,

So take this heart and break this heart for extraordinary things... "

Because it acknowledges that Radovid seemingly going behind Jaskier's back broke his heart, and that he was hurt by him having hidden his full intentions from him the night before...

While stating that those mistakes ("the fairytales and little lies") aren't enough to make him lose sight of the love that is there, and all the extraordinary things that they could gain by being (enough) together.

There's a sense of forgiveness, hope, and understanding in that second part of the song that makes you feel like Jaskier already knows Radovid is way more than a mask, and that the connection between them has indeed been tested, but was not broken.

That he doesn't perceive what Radovid did as a betrayal, but as "fairytales and little lies", something Radovid has learned as a result of having grown up a "fairytale prince" in a dangerous "purple grass kingdom" where being truthful and fully lowering your mask can get you killed.

It's something he's learned, not who he is. And to show who he is, he needs to feel safe and be allowed some room to stumble, fall, and learn.

When it comes to Radovid displaying his empathetic skills on the show, I also headcanon that one of the reasons why Jaskier had been hesitating to sing, until then, and saying he wasn't in the mood, was because Radovid had been pretending to be drunk and to have no idea what he was talking about as he'd been sharing intel with him. 

Jaskier came to him with a genuine request for help, not to play games. 

But, in Radovid's "purple grass world", playing games is the default way of communicating. That's all Radovid has ever known.

And, unlike Jaskier, he has no personal stakes in the situation other than Jaskier himself. 

It's not Ciri that fascinates him and that he'd like to grow closer to... 

It's Jaskier himself.

So, while he is wearing his mask and lying about having no idea who Codringher and Fenn are, I believe that he was genuinely more interested in getting to know Jaskier during that scene, than talking strategy (he was also aware that his brother intended to hand Ciri over to Nilfgaard by that point... So, it's entirely possible that Radovid's sudden lack of interest in discussing plans that would get Ciri closer to coming to Redania had to do with him knowing Jaskier was better off not trusting his brother to keep her safe for the time being)!

And while listening to "Extraordinary Things", I think Radovid realises that Jaskier is taking a significant risk by being so open, honest, and vulnerable with him. That his request for help is genuine, because he can feel that Radovid cares about him, and that he might be in a unique position to help him.

And Radovid truly paid attention to his song. He takes the time to express to Jaskier that he finds them irresistible, because he sees people for who they are, not what they pretend to be... He manifests a strong desire to continue to get to know him - sending Jaskier the message that he's worth putting in time and efforts to learn to understand him...

In the meantime, he agrees to do what he can to help him find out more about Rience, expressing a willingness to be someone that Jaskier can rely on for help.

And he is seen hesitating briefly, before asking Jaskier "Does the Witcher know how lucky he is to have you?", having seemingly correctly guessed - from listening to him singing about "being enough" (and probably having heard "Burn Butcher Burn") - that Geralt hasn't always been appreciative of him, and Jaskier still carried some of those scars. 

And the dazzling smile he got in return pretty much told Radovid all he had to know - that he'd been right, and it was exactly what Jaskier had needed to hear.

Radovid doesn't use Jaskier's vulnerabilities against him, he offers support and validation to help him heal and grow more confident in his own worth.

He then then attempted to use Dijkstra's own influence over his brother to prevent him from handing over Ciri to Nilfgaard the moment she joined with them (while tragically miscalculating how far they'd be willing to go)...

Because Dijkstra is actually the only person that Vizimir listens to, besides Queen Hedwig.

Dijkstra and Vizimir have a very symbiotic relationship, and no matter how much Dijkstra likes to pretend that he and Philippa are a team, he's utterly unwilling to share power with her when it comes to King Vizimir. 

Vizimir doesn't feel threatened by Dijkstra, because Dijkstra presents most of his ideas while being very careful to make it sound like they are Vizimir's, and gives the King the illusion of being a great and brilliant strategist. 

While Dijkstra's level of control and influence over Vizimir gives Dijkstra the illusion of being king, and therefore the true power behind Redania's throne.

Philippa did the right thing for herself by not involving Dijkstra in her strategy, I believe, because Dijkstra has kept proving, in the season - over and over again - that he's not listening to her, nor is he willing to consider doing things in a way that doesn't force her to always rely on him for influence.

Dijkstra would prefer to fucking die while he's still on top - let Philippa kill him - than ever consider the possibility of getting rid of the threat to Philippa's life (a.k.a. King Vizimir), knowing full well that if he (Dijkstra) dies, Vizimir won't "magically" start trusting her and listening to her once he's gone!

She's got no direct relationship with Vizimir.  She's - not unlike Radovid - Dijkstra's freaking "pet owl", rather than an equal with her own agency as the king's adviser.

King Vizimir has his "pet brother" (with no agency of his own at court. He doesn't even have his own money, apparently!).

Dijkstra has his "pet owl" (that has no direct working relationship with King Vizimir of her own).

And Dijkstra's mistake, I think, was believing she'd be content with forever remaining his sidekick, and exerting an indirect influence on the King through him, rather than directly sharing and seeking power. 

She keeps hinting to Dijsktra that she's unhappy with the way things are, and asking him to show interest in Radovid - as a favor to her - all season.

I think King Vizimir's decision to have her take the fall for what happened at Thanned was the very last straw that may have forced her hand; but it seemed pretty clear that, as long as Vizimir remained in power, she'd be forced to remain Dijkstra unofficial subordinate rather than his true partner.

There's something a bit poetic in the idea that Dijkstra's "pet owl" 's solution for reclaiming her own power was putting King Vizimir's "pet brother" on the throne, though.

And now, it's her game they shall all be forced to play... 

If Dijkstra wants to continue to have any influence and power, he'll either need to learn to truly share with her, or go against her. 

And Radovid, well... 

He might need a Sandpiper.

So, there really is a lot of similarities between Jaskier and Radovid's empathetic abilities and insightfulness, but in a way that really complement each other. 

One of them sees and falls in love with people's potential and everything they could be.  He seeks to inspire them to embrace the parts of themselves that they are too afraid to fully acknowledge, and nurture their potential. 

While the other quickly perceives people's strengths, vulnerabilities, wants, and needs; and will know how to address them to help them heal, deal with their issues, and/or find efficients solutions to their problems. 

They are, in a way, almost perfect for each other. 

Because Radovid seems to have grown up being the "spare", the "invisible child", the one whose whole individuation process was heavily stunted by a brother whose ego kept pushing him out of frame, in a highly toxic and manipulative world where his survival depended on blending in, while appearing completely witless. 

But he loves Jaskier with the trust, abandon, and innocence of someone who's never truly been hurt in love before, simply because he's never been truly loved. 

It's a new kind of connection for him.  Something that feels freeing, safe, and wonderful. 

Meeting Jaskier showed Radovid a world where the grass is green.  Where people from the same family love, support, and are willing to make sacrifices for each other.  A world where it's safe to trust, make mistakes, show concern, share power and elevate each other. 

A world where the parts of himself that he's had to hide his whole life are what drew Jaskier to him, not something undesirable, dangerous, or to be mocked. 

And, the moment Radovid finally realised that the reason why he'd been so adrift until then had been because he doesn't fit in his brother's world, Philippa stopped him from leaving, and put a bloodied crown atop his head. 

Radovid's bound to undergo one hell of an identity crisis from that point on! 

And the truth is that I believe he's got every single required quality to be an amazing King and foster positive change on the Continent. 

But he might need someone that's able to see that potential in him, and inspire him to have faith in himself. 

He might need someone that has already built trust with the outcasts of the Continent, has developed his own underground network and contacts, and might allow him to reach out to various groups of people that might be able to help him to take power back from Philippa and Dijkstra. 

He might need someone with such a talent for influencing the public's perception of who someone is, that he could easily make the whole Continent fall in love with Radovid and see him the way Jaskier himself sees him. 

What Jaskier did for Geralt - create a positive, heroic image of himself in people's minds - in he could do for Radovid. 

He's the fucking "Sand Lark".  Regardless of him being the descendant of Fjall and Éile or not, Jaskier is as influential as a bard as the Lark ever was. 

If he wants to make the people of the North rally behind Radovid as their King, that wouldn't even be a challenge for him! 

And once Radovid's got his people's attention and trust - once he's finally seen and known for who he is - he should be able to lead and influence them directly.

Because accurately guessing what people need, and coming up with strategies to help them meet those needs is what he does.

All he needs is people's willingness to trust him and follow his lead, and the actual power to make decisions.

And Jaskier could definitely use someone like Radovid that makes him feel seen, valued, and appreciated, sees all he has to offer, and is likely to be understanding of Jaskier's emotional struggles and issues. 

Because Jaskier's problem isn't figuring out who he is or being invisible.  He's loud, flamboyant, fills any space he walks in with his presence, and doesn't go unnoticed. 

But he's the scapegoat, the one that's too loud, too annoying, too impulsive, too much... and yet he's also never enough!  At least, not to the people that matters most. 

We don't know why he chose to become a bard and stopped using his Viscount title. We don't know if his family might have treated him as a disappointment, and/or why he never talks about them... and perhaps we never will!

But the way Geralt essentially blamed him for ruining his life did leave some scars, and likely heightened his hypersensitivity to any real or perceived rejection (that I believe was there even before he met Geralt, because he's extremely ADHD coded, and RSD is often something that tends to co-occur with ADHD). 

Jaskier knows who he is...  but he doesn't trust in what he's worth.  

He's "just a bard", he keeps getting into trouble, making matters worse, tends to hide his sausage in the wrong royal pantry, people want to kill him, throw things at him, and break his things, often over the way he loves too differently or too much... 

It's only very recently that Geralt has finally learned to openly show him affection, appreciation and reciprocity. 

To be clear Geralt, in season 3, is absolutely wonderful with Jaskier!   He's taking full responsibility for the way he hurt him, and doing all he can to make sure not to add to his self-doubts and issues. 

Ex: He clearly states that the only reason he doesn't want him to go with him is because he's scared of Jaskier getting hurt, and promises to come find him right after he's done.  He's not abandoning him nor pushing him away. 

He quickly reassured Jaskier that he's not upset that he's been talking with Philippa without having told him about him - that he trusts and loves him regardless of what he does - he's just curious to know what this is about. 

He reaches out for Jaskier's hand for comfort and allows himself to emotionally rely on him.

Geralt is finally embracing who he is and the person that Jaskier fell in love with and saw all along.  This is also helping Jaskier overcome his insecurities. 

Yennefer and Ciri have also adopted him as one of their own, and even freaking Yarpen Zigrin expressed his thanks for the way he risked his life for his men, and seems to have gained a new appreciation and respect for him. 

But it took him 20 years - and a lot of hurt and doubt - to finally get there. 

His found family mean the world Jaskier, and there's plenty of healing to be found there. 

But the thing is that it's healing he's finding amongst those that once made him deeply doubt about being enough, or worry about being too much.  Even Ciri's first response to meeting Jaskier was to just walk by and utterly dismiss him. 

Every now and then, Jaskier's bound to continue hearing those ugly voices in his head that are telling him that he's the one shoveling the shit that happens in people's lives!  

The voices telling him that his songs are nothing but pies without filling, and those that listen to him sing would realise he's got no substance, and stop loving him.  That the best thing that could happen in one's life would be for him to be taken off their hands.  Etc.

But then, there's Radovid, that calls his songs irresistible, is drawn to what Jaskier expresses in them, and fascinated with the way he sees the world... 

Radovid, who genuinely believes that the only good thing in the whole mess this season was meeting Jaskier, when Jaskier is the only reason that Radovid has gotten himself involved that deep in this whole mess to begin with!

Because Radovid only started showing some level of competence and willingness to play his own game with the spymasters because of that connection he developed with Jaskier. 

Otherwise, he'd probably have continued to pretend to be a drunken idiot and passively tagged along or annoyed Philippa and Dijkstra out of boredom, rather than made any effort to bring Jaskier and his family to Redania to help keep them safe.

Jaskier is the reason Philippa saw Radovid's potential, and ultimately chose to put him on the throne!

Once again, Jaskier made it all happen!

And yet, Radovid feels that meeting Jaskier - that Jaskier himself - is a GOOD thing.  The only thing he's grateful for.

He's not getting angry at him because he got himself in a pile of shit that Jaskier shoveled his way!

Because Jaskier's not to blame for Radovid's world being so screwed up that revealing parts of oneself to dangerous people out of love triggers such a mess. 

Radovid's voice is the ultimate countervoice to all the ugly voices that were put in Jaskier's head. 

Having Geralt say that he's lucky to have him might not be enough for Jaskier to truly believe it anymore...  Because what's to say his friend is not just feeling guilty over how deeply he hurt him, and is just attempting to make Jaskier feel better regardless of what he really thinks? 

But having Radovid say "Does the Witcher know how lucky he is to have you?" gives some much needed extra credibility to the idea.

If someone - from outside his relationship with Geralt - sees how wonderful he is, and how lucky Geralt is to have his friendship, devotion, and support...  Well, maybe what Geralt said in the past was just Geralt's own issues talking, and he truly didn't mean any of it.

Maybe, if Geralt says "I'm lucky to have you, Jaskier," he truly means it.

Radovid's relationship with Jaskier - the way he readily offers him words of affirmation and appreciation completely unprompted - has the potential to heal and strengthen the bonds between Jaskier and the rest of his found family as well.

It may sound counter-intuitive but as much as the cabin scene hurt, I think it shows just how much Jaskier instinctively trusts or wants to trust Radovid, too.

Because he's utterly unafraid to confront him, and show Radovid the deeply wounded and even more vicious side of himself. 

Their connection feels real, healthy, and like it has all the foundations of True Love™, because neither of them appear to be looking at the other with rose tinted glasses and expecting the other person to be perfect, or to change who they are and what matters most to them to suit each other's needs.

They have both complementary empathetic skills AND emotional damage, of all things!

So yeah, I think this is literally the longest piece of meta I've ever written on anything probably EVER, but I've been really (over)thinking about this for a while now, and had a mighty need to put the bulk of all of these thoughts down.

Like I said, I don't mind if people choose to interpret Radovid's relationship with Vizimir in a different way, and see the two brothers as sharing a loving brotherly bond with each other.

But Radovid is so survivor of narcissistic abuse coded on the show, and King Vizimir's utter lack of interest in asking his little brother if he's even remotely okay, or needs anything upon his return (just going on about how HE was worried sick, and how HE never should have left him, and how HE intends to punish someone about it... Oh, and by the way he looks awful, stinks, and needs a bath!)...

Well... Let's say that sort of cemented Vizimir as very much lacking any sense of genuine human empathy towards his baby brother in my mind.

The only act of actual "love", in that scene, to me, happened off-screen, when Vizimir agreed to let Radovid leave to go pursue something - someone - that suits him. And I have absolutely no idea how that conversation ended, and what was said between them in that moment.

Only that Radovid looked really happy to be allowed to escape from there, and needed to sell some of his valuables to get the funds he needed to travel and go help Jaskier.

But the scene between King Vizimir and Radovid? I personally couldn't feel the love there. 30 years with a narcissistic mother have taught me that hugs don't mean much, and "I was worried sick" is more about the person's own feelings, rather than expressing actual concern when it's not accompanied by something like "are you alright?"

King Vizimir is a ridiculously entertaining character that's a lot of fun to watch, but the implication of some of his behaviors are rather heartbreaking for Radovid.

So yeah, if you needed more reason to feel very protective of Radovid, and wish for him to get plenty of love and extraordinary things in future seasons, here are a few others for you!

[inksandpensblog]

AvA Sticktober 2023 | Prompt 1: Sticks

"And this," Orange proclaimed, flourishing the object in his hands, "is the master stick. Whoever picks this one up can use it to move other sticks during their turn. It also has the most points out of all the colors."

"Oh," Yellow's brow furrowed. "It's not just one point per stick?"

"I thought the colors were just so we could tell them apart," Red chimed in.

"Nope." Orange glanced at the rules. "It says that each individual stick has a set value of points, based on color: yellows are one, greens are two, blues are five, and reds are ten."

Yellow frowned, staring at the collection of sticks on the floor between them with a thoughtful hand held to his chin. 

Green seemed to be of a similar mind, pulling out his phone and swiping his hand across the screen. "Greens are only two?"

"Uh, yeah? Why?"

"Are you mad that yours aren't worth as many points?" Blue guessed, a smirk dashing across his face at Green's answering pout.

Orange stared. "What? They're not- the colors aren't assigned to players. Anyone can pick up any color; otherwise there'd be a way to eliminate players. And there aren't any orange sticks, so I wouldn't be able to play if—"

Orange cut himself off when Green scowled at his phone, swiping at the screen with more vigor.

Red leaned in, peeking over Green's shoulder. "Huh, different variations?"

Green pushed him lightly away. "Yeah, I was just checking the numbers. There's other versions of the game where the colors are a different amount of points."

"But it's the same order every time," Red persisted, trying to lean back in as Green kept shoving at him. "See, look, red is always the most, and—"

"Shush, you're ruining this!"

"Green does have a point," Yellow ventured.

"Yeah, I do!"

"No, he doesn't," Blue maintained. "You two are just grumpy that you aren't more points."

"Guys," Orange insisted, "the colors have nothing to do with you."

Yellow shook his head. "I didn't mean like that! I mean it doesn't make sense that some colors are worth more when the game has the same number of sticks in each color!"

"Oh," came the answering chorus, followed by everyone joining Yellow in squinting at the collection of sticks on the floor. 

"...huh, that is a good point..."

"Yeah, shouldn't the sticks that are worth more be rarer, or something?"

"That is odd..."

"...maybe we should just play it as one point per stick, then?" Blue suggested.

Orange scratched his head. "But where's the challenge, that way? If everything's worth the same value then there's no reason to not just go for the easiest ones every time." 

"And speaking of easy, what about all the ones that end up outside of the pile?" Red gestured at the floor around which the collection of sticks lay. "Whoever goes first can just sweep all of those up on their first turn, they'll have a head start." 

"Oh, we don't need to worry about that, actually." Green looked up from his phone. "This says that a lot of people have it so that those loose sticks are removed from play before the first player goes." 

Orange nodded. "Okay, I like that, we'll do it that way."

"Hey, what if we use that to determine the value?" Blue volunteered. "We look at those loose sticks that get removed from play, and measure the value of each color based on how much of each one got taken out?" 

"That...that could work, actually," Yellow mused.

Orange nodded again, a smile beginning to form on his own face. "We'll make it so that whichever color is present in the greatest volume is one point, next two, then five, and then the least-available color will be ten. If any of them tie, we can just re-drop the pile."

Green grinned. "Well, since you brought it up...this also says that there's a version where, on their turn, a player can decided to re-drop the pile instead of picking up a stick."

Orange froze. "Uh, I don't know if I want to worry about the value of each stick changing partway through the game."

"Oh, fine, play it safe."

"I'm not being safe, I'm trying to keep it fun for everybody. Including the scorekeeper."

"Eh, fair point."

"How many points is the master stick worth?" Blue piped up.

"None, right?" Yellow reasoned. "It helps you pick up more sticks; that's it's value. Oh, but wait," he frowned again, turning to Orange. "You said it had more points than the others, didn't you?"

Orange winced. "Yeah, actually. It's, uh, twenty-five."

"What?!"

"How is that fair?!"

"It's- it's not an automatic win! If it's at the bottom of the pile then—"

"But what if it isn't? What if it falls on the top?"

"Oh forget it just falling on top, what if it's one of the ones that rolls away? If we were keeping those in play, whoever had the first turn could sweep it up with the rest of 'em and then they'd have it for the whole game when they already have a head start!!"

"But we already decided we're not keeping them in play!" Orange raised his voice, waving his hands. "Why is it an issue then?!"

"Because points!"

"There's only one! It being more points is actually justified!"

"Maybe it would be, if that was all it did. But it also helps you pick up other sticks. Anyone who picks it up is already gonna be getting more points, even without it having twenty-five pre-attached! You have to admit, that's a little unfair."

"Well, I'm not hearing any better ideas! What, should we just set it aside and not have it in the game?"

"No, no!"

"What? Oh, no."

"No!!"

"Nobody's saying that."

Orange blinked at the sudden shift. "...no?"

"Yeah," Red insisted. "It's the only stick that can move the other sticks."

Green nodded. "Having it to obtain during the game is, like, it's own prize, regardless of who has the most points by the end. That's why we don't think it having its own points is fair."

Orange considered, taking a moment to breathe. 

"Okay...what, then? Should we just have it be worth no points?" 

They all spent a moment in thought.

"...what if we passed it around?" 

Everyone looked at Blue.

"You mean," Yellow inquired, "once it's picked up, it has to be passed to the next person at the end of the turn? That kind of takes away that challenge, if everyone has it. And the prize-aspect."

But Blue shook his head. "Not quite; I mean, what if it gets passed around every time another stick is picked up?"

There was a pause, then everyone leaned forward.

"That way, it can't be used on every turn," Blue elaborated, "so whoever picks it up first isn't just guaranteed an easier time picking up sticks as the game continues. It'll be up to chance, whether anyone has it when their next turn starts." 

"...I think...I like that," Orange murmured cautiously. 

Blue nodded excitedly. "It also means that whoever is holding it by the end of the game will also be up to chance."

Orange's eyes widened. "So, it could still have the twenty-five points?"

"And it wouldn't be unfair," Green caught on, "because it wouldn't go into effect until the game ends."

"You know, if the master stick is only passed along when a stick is picked up, then if someone holding it were to purposefully botch their turn, they could prevent the person next to them from having the aid of the master stick at the start of their turn..." Yellow grinned.

"Ooh," Red wondered, "what if instead it starts at no points, but then has another point attached every time it's used successfully?"

"Whoa," Blue marveled. "So you can botch your turn and keep the master stick from your opponents, or increase the overall value of the master stick as you pass it along."

Orange felt his own grin form. "Oh. I do like that. Alright, are we all agreed?"

The quartet nodded enthusiastically.

"There's just one more thing: we need to repaint it."

"Huh?" Orange looked at Green, then at the others, then down at the black stick still in his hand. "Repaint it?"

"Like you said," Green teased. "There aren't any orange sticks in this game. Let's fix that."

[marveloustimestwo]

yandere prince peter parker with a maid reader.

Forgive me, I know next to nothing about how things work in this type of setting, so I might have gotten a few things wrong.

Warnings: Yandere themes

After Peter's parents, the King and Queen, died in a tragic accident, Peter was always known to be the next King given that he was their only child.

However, considering his young age at the time, it would be a while before he would actually rule. Until Peter became old enough, his parents' most trusted advisor, Lord Stark, ruled in his stead.

Like any child of noble birth, Peter was subjected to learning all there was to be a king. He learned politics, strategy, sword fighting, and a plethora of other things, all to take over the title of King when he turned eighteen.

Growing up and taking on all these pressures, Peter wanted an escape. He knew how to act around people, especially highborn. He was trained to. But he still wanted someone his age to have fun with, and many of the children of the visiting lords and dukes acted too formal.

It's when Peter met you that he found what he needed.

Like your parents before you and their parents before them, you worked as a maid in Prince Peter's castle.

Given how long your family had worked for the Parkers, you were trusted enough to work closely with the Prince and future King.

Growing up, you were taught how to do his bedsheets, dust his room, clean his clothes, and do anything else he needed to keep everything nice and up to his standards.

At the age of ten, when you started to actually work closely with him, it was only natural that Peter would latch onto the only person his age that was consistently around him.

You had tried to act respectful and formal. You were taught ever since you were born that you were of lower standing, so you needed to be on your best behavior. You knew that doing any less could carry a severe punishment with many dukes and lords.

Except that Peter wasn't much like the dukes and lords you had heard about.

Both of you were very young, and you soon became used to Peter asking you to play with him and distracting you from your duties.

Even when you became older, you likely wouldn't have questioned Peter's tendencies for two reasons.

One, you likely became used to his clinginess, obsessive, and sometimes stalkerish tendencies. They were normal to you now.

And even if you came to realize how creepy he could be, it wasn't like you could reject his advances. While Peter may not be the most dangerous yandere to have (at least not to you), he was still the Prince and soon to be King.

You were very aware that he could ruin your life easily. If you made him upset, a multitude of things could happen to you or your family.

Your family could be fired and banished, or worse, killed, and for what? Just because you couldn't cope with how overbearing Peter was?

You knew it wasn't the worst outcome your life could have.

Once Peter became King, he almost immediately asked you to become his Queen. He didn't care that you were of lower standing. He was deeply in love (i.e. obsessed) with you, and anyone who objected to this would quickly go missing if they kept hounding him about it.

Sure, Peter could be very clingy and protective, and he could be very jealous, but at least he didn't hurt you like many lords did to their wives.

Maybe you could cope if it meant you and your family were safe. At least you had plenty of food and beautiful clothes now.

[lutawolf]

I Will Knock You Episode 10 D/s point outs

The D/s element is being broken down by both me and @thequeenofsastiel. Whose post you can find here.

Before we begin, let's talk D/s lifestyle and relationships. While lifestyle and scene D/s might appear similar, they aren't. Yes, there is an unbalanced power play and there is some need for trust, but the lifestyle is 24/7. Nonstop connection. While the control we hold is imbalanced, we ourselves are balanced by our relationship.

For many of us neurodivergent people, it's how we survive in a world that was not created for us. It gives us calm and stability because we always have a connection and life-line. You can truly see this in Noey and Thi's relationship. They both grow into themselves by being together.

Noey realized a long time ago that he wanted to keep the pendant. Aww. "Don't say you love me. Don't ask me to be your boyfriend or be together right now. Not right now, Noey. I'm not ready!" Thi is saying he isn't ready. Which is not surprising. He is slow and steady. He had to come to terms with even liking Noey. Now he has to come to terms with the idea of being with him. Never mind that he technically is already. For Noey's part, he knows that Thi needs time and that he has to make some changes.

I mean, if you watch. When Noey says cheesy things like, "Of course I caught your cold. I'm so stuck on you." It makes Thi giddy. He's happy. Thi is not running from Noey. Look how he says they should go back to the tents, and then he waits on Noey. Noey puts an arm around Thi and Thi immediately returns the gesture.

Time passes: Woot! We are seeing a lot of maturity changes from Noey. He isn't perfect, but he is trying. We find out that his father lived a gangster lifestyle, so we aren't too surprised about Noey now, huh. He picks up and drops Thi off, making sure he is safe and taken care of because he knows Thi has a tendency to get bullied. However, we've seen a growth in Thi too. We see a comfort in how they talk to each other.

Noey is still a thug, but he's a thug making changes. He has to be strong, or he wouldn't be a fit for Thi. Someone who isn't afraid to be tough against those that try to hurt Thi, but also someone who can be tough with him. I love Noey and Thiw's friendship. I really do. I just need Thiw to find a reason to stop the thug life too.

Noey is respecting the boundary Thi set for the temple fair. It's Thi that crosses his own rules. Because he wants to spend that time with Noey. The fair was such a fun watch, there were huge moments of love and support between them both. When Noey helped him at the games. The grabbing the rope to make the stuffy into a backpack. Bringing all the stuff to sit and watch the movie. When he wiped his tears. Noey's first thoughts are on how he can support his submissive, and that's what a good Dom does. It's not the oldest taking care of Thi, but very much the other way around.

When Thiw shows up. Noey doesn't run off. His first priority is his submissive. Then we see Phayu. Really, Phayu, I'm so done with you. I love how Thi, smiles when Phayu misses one, because he knows Noey won't. Well, and also because he wants to go on that ride with Noey. See Thi wants Noey just as much, but he is afraid of a lot, it's typical deep sub. They get stuck in their anxiety and fear change. That Dominant personality really helps them past these hurdles.

Noey gives him the necklace. When he says, "And belongs with me." We don't hear a peep from Thi. No objections. It's only when Noey tells him that he loves him. Why? Because it's new. He needs one thing at a time. And in all honesty, it was really a token upset. You get to the fireworks and the boys are all smiles and happy.

Then shit hits the fan. I will say that even in this we see maturity. He tells them not to talk about people unrelated. Tries to take the fight away from the people he cares about. Yet, shit really hits the fan and all the people he cares about are done with his thug lifestyle. I think we are about to see some huge changes from him in this next episode.

As a sub, Thi isn't there yet. I'm hoping that we see that in the next episode. A true sub will do anything for their Dom. They find their fire and confidence due to them. Hopefully we see that next.

Okay, I see where people are thinking there will be a time jump. Watching the next episode. Seeing where, he says thank you for tutoring me up till now. Then we see them dancing. I'm gonna be honest. If they really were to separate, in real life, they wouldn't wait on each other. True D/s relationships will fight hard for their relationship before they will ever give it up. Then, if they have to, they won't do well without that counterbalance, so they usually don't stay single. Like I've said previously, I've already prepared my kids for the fact that if something were to happen to me, that their dad wouldn't mourn long. He would be finding another Dom fast. Not because he doesn't love me or loved me, but because he needs that.

I'm really hoping, since they've done such an amazing job at keep the D/s real. They continue to do so and don't separate them. Hope you guys enjoyed this. 💜💜💜

[severefartoholic]

April 19, Dr. Kirill A. Panov.

I love Kirill and Redrick so I wrote through their interactions from Kirills perspective for some writing practice. (Can u tell that I was listening to ferry music while writing this)

(contains spoilers for Roadside Picnic)

Birds have never flown over the zone, in all of my time at the institute, I've never seen any natural life inside of it.

The zone is too slow, too unmoving and empty, life inside of it feels unnatural, like every being alive on this earth knows to stay away from the zone, to keep out, an unwritten rule of everything that moves. Most things knew to stay out. That's except for me and Red, apparently.

The zone can draw people in, and I think it has done the same to me, because all I've been thinking about since a few visits away are those damned empties. It's ruined me, to be honest, this rabbit hole that I've fallen into feels never ending. Lately when I wake up I almost feel like I breathe and live the zone, a neverending supply of fuel.

My eyes have sunken in these past few weeks, the dark part under them getting even worse than before, and my head has been feeling heavy these past few days. The whole repository has been inevitably growing more and more discouraged by the day. Like a wick slowly burning out, with no way to brighten the fire again. Usually Red would just take me out of town for a few days and buzz me up so I could return back to normal, but lately nothing has been working, I feel a bit sick, almost. I want to dissolve myself in this rusty air. Lately it seems everyone has been feeling like this though; gray, sullen, empty.

Red softly hums something behind me before speaking, "Listen" He says to me, looking up at the ceiling seemingly in thought, "What if you had a full empty, hm?"

My back faces towards Redrick, as I'm ready to load the last empty onto the scales, holding it close to my chest with both hands, my fingertips feel numb against the grainy, bumped metal. My head feels heavy.

"A full empty?" I turn back around to look at him, puzzled.

He tries to explain the idea to me, turning his gaze back down at me from the ceiling. "Yeah, your hydromagnetic trap.. whatchamacallit... Object 77b. It's got some sort of blue stuff inside."

I look at Red, squinting. A glimmer of reason shining through the greenish gray fog of these recent slow and empty days.

"Hold on...full? Just like this, but like*...full?" I gesture towards the empty, now laying on the scale.

"Yeah, that's what I'm saying"

His words spark faith in me, they always do. . I try to suppress the reaction and not let it show to him though, Red already has an annoying habit of comparing me to some type of dog. Being completely honest, hes the one who reminds me of some stray mutt.

"Let's go have a smoke"

I put the empty back into the safe, following close behind Redrick before slamming the door of the repository and locking it shut with three turns of the key and bouncing off the steps behind him.

Red looks up at the sky. Dawn is breaking, and the sky is overcast. The sun is shining brightly and relentlessly against the hazy grey clouds, like a lamp peering through the grey curtain. he tells me everything during the smoke break, where this ‘full empty’ could be, what it was like, and the best way to get at it.

“don't go across, the other roads been safer lately” he hums, leaning back and stretching.

I pull out a map of the zone, finding the garage and I trace around the graphed out garage on the paper with my finger, before looking up at Red, leaning on the counter in front of me with both hands.

I open my mouth to speak "You dog," I smile at him, "Well, let's go for it. First thing in the morning. I'll order the passes and the boot for nine, we'll set off at ten and hope for the best, yeah?"

"Alright" he says, "and who'll be the third person of the group?" He tilts his head to the right while asking, once again reminding me of a dog.

I playfully grin back at Red, "What do we need a third for?"

"No way! This is no picnic in your backyard, what if something happens to us? It's the zone, after all!*" He scolds me, "we have to follow regulations."

I give him a short, quiet laugh and shrug, "As you wish, you know better after all." I'll humour Red, I suppose. A third person would just get in the way. If we were to just run down into the zone, by ourselves, everything would be just great, and nobody would suspect a thing. But the institute has rules, and we both knew that. People don't enter the zone in pairs. The rule is, two do the work, and the third one is witness, and reports on it later if anyone asks.

"Personally, I would take Austin" I say to him, "but you're probably against it , or is it alright?"

“Nope" he responds, "anybody but Austin, you can take him another time." Red doesn't look like he wants to explain it to me, but I'm guessing it's something related to the fact he sometimes complains about Austin acting like he knows everything about the zone.

"Ah, alright then..how about Tender?" I suggest, Tender is a good man, he was my previous lab assistant, a bit on the quiet side, but he's good at what he does.

Red responds after a few seconds of thought. "He's a little old, and he's got kids.." Of course he mentioned that, always caring about the family they have at home, even though he has less capability for attachment than a rock. I don't even know how the thing between him and Guta works. It's sweet though, I'll admit.

"That's alright" I reassure him, "He's been in the zone before”

He lets out a heavy sigh "okay then, let's take Tender.”

Red leaves for the Borscht hungry and with his throat parched, once again mispronouncing the title by adding a ‘T’ at the end and refusing to change his pronunciation because it's ‘spelled that way’, leaving me alone at the lab to map out the route for tomorrows expedition.

When Red returned, he greeted me with six simple words.

“I'm not going into the zone” I stare at him, bug eyed, before it comes to me, I take Redrick by the elbow and lead him into my office, sitting on the windowsill and facing him; we were both silent for a while, I think carefully about my next words.

“Has something happened, Red..?"

"No” He says, grinning sadly “Nothing happened, except me blowing about a two thousand rubles at poker yesterday.”

I look at his face, “Wait a second, did you..change your mind?”

He makes a quiet choking sound.

“I can't” he whispers to me through clenched teeth, all strained. “I can't, do you understand? The sergeant just had me in his office”

I feel a bit heartbroken, like everything I was looking forward to just fell apart infront of me. Red tempted me with promises of the zone, only before turning his back..not like it was his fault or anything, I can't blame the poor boy.

Nonetheless, I can't help but look at him with glassy eyes, all my motivation to keep going just washed away, like writing on the beach sand.

I silently light another cig with the butt of the old one, and I speak softly to him, gingerly choosing out my words

“Red, you can trust me.. I won't breathe a word to anyone.” it feels disgusting, how I'm almost pleading for him to give me an answer, but I can't let him mull about this on his own.

“Skip it” He mutters, “This doesn't involve you at all” It's clear he hasn't told anyone at all yet about him almost getting caught going into the zone, three months after it happening.

“Red, it's alright, I haven't even told Tender about anything yet! I haven't even asked if he's interested in going”

Like a wounded dog, he stays silent and continues smoking. I can tell it in the way he looks at me. He thinks I don't understand a single a thing about him.

I try to get anything, even a single word out of Red. “What did he say to you?”

“Nothing in particular" He speaks, “Some bastard squealed on me, that's all.” He takes another long drag of the cig.

I hop off the windowsill and start pacing around the cramped office, blowing smoke out of my lungs in silence and melancholy, thinking deeply about our situation.

Red had been doing it all, Stalking, for the money, The more green papers the better, a stalker is a stalker, after all.

I stop pacing and come up to Red, asking him awkwardly,

“Listen, Red, how much would a full empty cost?”

He looks at me, all confused before his eyes widen, his eyebrows furrowed. Red opens his mouth to speak, but decides to shut up, he looks at me, he looks exhausted and fed up.

I won't take silence for an answer though, I keeping looking straight at Red, with an intent, understanding gaze, unblinking.

He seemingly calms down a bit before speaking, less tense than before. “No-one with a pass has ever gone to the garage before. They haven't laid the tracks to it yet. You know that, Kirill.” he says to me, “so here we come back from this zone and Tender brags to everyone how we headed straight for the garage, picked up what we needed and came right back. The zone isn't some warehouse, it'll be clear to everyone that we knew ahead of time what we wanted there.. And then everyone will know that the three of us could have been…" He lets out a heavy sigh, “whatever, there's no point in spelling it out for you, do you understand what's in store for me here?”

He looks into my eyes after his little speech, he reminds me of a stray dog, the way he looks all pathetic, guilty, and sorry.

My heart aches, but I don't want to make Red feel even more guilty and terrible, so I clap my hands, and announce to him, “Well..! If you can't, you can't, I understand, Red. And I can't pass judgement on you. I'll go alone, maybe I'll be fine, it's not my first time, after all.” He looks back at me, unamused.

“They won't let you go out alone.” He says to me.

“They will” I mutter, “I know all the sergeants and lieutenants, I don't like those trucks! They've been exposed to the elements for thirty years, and they're just like brand new. There's a gasoline carrier about 5 meters away, and it's all rusted out. That's the zone for you!

We both go silent. I look back at the map and stare out the window, he looks out along with me. The institutes windows are thick and tinted, but outside, beyond the thick glass, is the zone.

From here it looks like you can just reach out and touch her. Like in just a few steps, you can lay down in the tall grass, laying on the earth. Looking at her, it doesn't look too different from any other type of land, hazy fog reaches and clouds over the old, crumbly concrete buildings. The shines just like anywhere else on the outside. As though nothing had particularly changed in it after the visit, it was the same as 50 years ago. Except those tall, soaring concrete walls and trucks, surrounding the zone, caging it in a protective layer from our eyes. Maybe it was for the better that way.

Looking at it, she seems oddly beautiful, the city took a pause when it reached the zone, brutalist concrete fading and being replaced by the dark earth; the zone feels almost untouched by the gray structures, all of the ones that existed previously long crumbling and rotting away. Like a small chunk of another world, there is no way to adapt the zone to fit your own desires, there's only the option to adapt to the zone, and fit its expectations, having an influence over the land was impossible, no matter how much manpower or technology you had. the zone is an ecosystem that was completely sealed away and left to overgrow for those 50 years, a scientific wonder.

That was the way it was with the zone, if you come back with anything, it's a miracle. If you come back alive? It's a success. If the bullets of the armed guards at the trucks miss you? it's luck, and as for anything else? That was fate, determined by the holy spirit. Nobody to blame for that.

I spread the map out on the windowsill and begin counting meters for tomorrow, 40 yards to the garage from the last pylon...40 long, long yards of travel. That's all for appearances though, I'm watching Red out of the corner of my eye, he can tell that I'm looking at him, his gaze softens, and he relaxes more, slowly breathing out smoke.

“Laboratory Assistant Schuart,” I say to him, grinning, “Official, and I heavily stress, official sources have lead me to believe that an inspection of the garage could be of great scientific value. I'm suggesting that we inspect the garage, and I guarantee you a bonus.”

“And what official sources are those?”*He asks me with a mocking skepticism, beaming brighter than the most tiring June sun.

“They're confidential, but I suppose I can tell you. They're from Dr. Douglas.”

“Who?” he tilts his head to the side with curiosity, that damn dog.

I decided to tell it to him straight up, “Sam Douglas. He died last year.”

He scowls at me, but I know it's just for appearances. “Alright, where's your Tender?”

We both without even discussing it decided not to speak about the earlier subject.

I pick up the phone in the office and order us the boot for tomorrow. While I dial PPS, Redrick observes over the map spread out on the windowsill.

When Tender came down, he was tired and out of breath, his daughter had been sick again, the poor girl; and he had to call for a doctor.

When we told him the news, he even stopped breathing so heavily out of shock, “The zone?!, What do you mean, the zone? And why me?!”

However, the promised bonus and the fact that Red was going with us got him up and running again. As I went for the passes, Tender and Red went to go check out the specially made suits. It's almost a little bit funny, I've seen Red eye that bright red gear, the way he glances at the helmet out of the corner of his eye repeatedly, he's just waiting for the second the lieutenant turns his back so he can pocket it for himself.

Although I doubt having a specially made suit would help him much inside the zone. No normal earthly dangers held any meaning inside of it, and people still dropped left and right, even inside the suits, they couldn't help much with the dangers inside the zone. I don't think anything could.

All three of us put on the suits, and Red grabbed the nuts and bolts, pouring them into his pocket. We made our way from the institute yard to the zones entrance.

I looked around at the sympathetic faces around us wishing us on our way. The three of us labeled as heroes, risking our lives for the sake of science. It wasn't the main reason we were going at all, but it's fine to let people believe whatever satisfies them most.

Red snaps some joke at Tender, but it whizzes past my ears completely, only being registered as some far away speech, as I was far deep in my own thoughts, silently mouthing a prayer to the Lord.

Redrick looks over at me, “Praying? Pray on, pray. The further into the zone the closer to heaven”

I pause and look over at Red, “what?”

“Pray!” He shouts, "Stalkers cut in line at the gates of heaven”

When you went into the zone, you could either laugh about it, or cry. Red joked about it, he didn't have the balls to cry in front of me.

I pull out a bolt and some bandages, handing it to Redrick. He should be able to make a good throw, I remember he told me about being on a sports team when he was younger.

“here, throw. Watch for the bolts trajectory wavering.”

---------

I can feel the warm water running over my head and falling down into my shoulders, individual drops gathering and slowly dripping down at the ends of my wet hair. The shower is humid, causing my chest to heave, drawing in deep breaths

And then again, out of the corner of my eye I see it flash. that glowing white spiderweb, stretching across my vision in paper thin strands of silk. The water from the shower falls onto the web, tiny crystal drops shined and reflected on the web, the reflection or the glowing fluorescent lights overhead dancing on the water.

But this time, the web doesn't go away. It stays in my senses, the burning, searing sensation in my chest is back again, it feels like the tissue of the skin in my chest is splitting apart, my breath is short.

My foot glides forward on the slippery tiles, and I lean forward, holding onto the glass shower door to support myself, the water is still pouring on me and sliding off my back, and now I breathe out of my mouth. It feels like no matter how much I gasp in oxygen, it isn't enough.

My knees meet the cold floor, the webs thin strands right in front of me again, the warm water falling on top of me.

Redrick was right. The further into the zone, the closer to heaven. I sense a feeling of regret. I hate her, I hate the zone, but at the same time I cannot draw myself away from it, I cannot leave. The one thing I can hope is that Redrick leaves before he meets the same horrible demise. That one day, he will be capable of forming a single thought, something I thought I could do, but after everything I ended with my brain completely blank. Let it never happen to him, let him live for-

The water continues pouring, no one to turn it off, again and again, the showers drops drip and splatter onto the shower floor with a soft ‘pitter patter’ sound in the silent shower room of the institute.

[robcognitivepersonality]

The truth bearing of Fe dominant

Remember this about functions: If you lead by the dominant function, you are led by the inferior function.

ENFJs and ESFJs are driven by their Introverted Thinking (Ti), and they use Extraverted Feeling (Fe) as the means to express Ti. That makes them logically driven people. This is different from other Fe's of other types. They interact with the world via Fe based on their Ti laws and principles. They seek the truth, live by the truth, promote the truth. They can live so logically and objectively they're willing to ignore their own feelings and opinions. They see feedback from others are more objective (read more valuable).

We've always heard how Ti is like having this one single truth or theory of everything. Ti-domimants like to build and model their own, Fe-dominants promote it. Truth sets people free, the world is better off if we understand more about it. They can even be evangelical about that. Harmony is when everyone's unified by that one Ti truth—for everyone to agree on something and fall in line.

The typical descriptions of ENFJs and ESFJs are sensing other people's emotions. But again, Fe is just the means to promote Ti. Many of us picture them as social people pleasers when they’re actually ego managers enforcing logical rules and convincing others to follow them. So one way to reword that is typically ENFJs and ESFJs have learned to be good with people and emotions in order to find sensible ways to instill truth in people. Fe is the utility and creativity to inform emotional human beings.

A practical example is being a teacher teaching math in grade school. Arithmetic is irrefutable truth in the practical sense, and we're better off knowing about it. Some of us might *feel* discouraged when we don't get it, and the Fe-dominant teacher can help us sort our feelings around and help us better intake the information.

But it’s not like Fe-dominants figured everything out nor have the necessary knowledge to make themselves useful in the first place. They study. A lot. That’s what Ti Oppositional means—To proactively research and acquire knowledge for Fe to shape the world. The best teachers make the best students. Learn to follow before you lead. More than any other type, Fe-dominants put a lot of pressure on themselves to ensure they’re in the position of knowing what they’re doing. If they were insecure about one thing, it’d be losing that credibility. There’s motivation to go beyond competence, and be the embodiment of excellence.

Competence is meeting performance expectations, excellence is putting a face on it.

So that introduces many ways an Fe-dominant can be:

The more extraverted ones can get into more combative situations where people may not agree with their Ti. They'll try to hammer in and talk some logical sense into them.

The more introverted ones are rather private with what they believe in, they might see Ti as principles to live by on a personal level. And would only share their thoughts if those around are willing to listen.

The more anxious ones feel like they believe in something that people might disagree on and might get volatile about, so they keep it to themselves.

The more agreeable ones tend to operate safely with information that everyone already agrees with. Everyone likes humor, everyone likes music for example.

There are infinitely more, these are just what I can come with. Just remember that there's a catch with Ti, in that it's actually quite subjective. But ENFJs and ESFJs can get too caught up with it thinking it's objective and that people should look at it as such.

[hiraeth-witch-11]

Bond to Happen Part 1

Part 1: Meeting the Devil

Warnings: canon typical violence, near death experiences

Word Count: 1700ish

You're not entirely sure how you became friends with Billy Russo. You both had very different friend circles and completely opposite lifestyles, but somehow, you had ended up together. Platonically, of course. Looking back, you think it all started about two years ago, when you became acquaintances with Karen Page. She had come into your shop and asked for a protection spell, which wasn’t uncommon. You ran a cute little broom closet of a witch store in the space under your apartment. Luck and magic was the only way you could afford it and even then, it was paycheck to paycheck, so to speak. It was worth it to be able to practice your craft safely and help people. Practicing witchcraft wasn’t illegal in the US, but it was better to keep your head down and live in places where no one cared about the strange people they passed on their way to work. New York gave you anonymity, and you appreciated that.

In the handful of months since moving to the city, you had done your best to ‘mind your business’ as the locals did. Only give people what they pay for. Never try to see them, and if you saw anything, you ignored it. Karen Page was your first exception to that rule. She walked into your shack of a store and the face of death was around her in the form of a skull. She was bound to a bloody and violent future. You told yourself to stick to your rule, but you knew you couldn't. Her protection spell had as much oomf as you could muster on your limited energy. You could tell she was here as a last ditch effort and didn’t have all that much face in your work. Neither did you, to be honest. A protection spell couldn’t stop a carefully aimed weapon. It worked best on shots in the dark and playing the odds. If someone actively tried to hurt her and was any good at violence, the spell would disintegrate quickly. For that reason, you decided to allow a loose, thin tendril of your magic to follow her out of the shop and wherever she went. If she needed your help, you would give it. Hopefully, you would be fast enough to get to her in time. Long distance and object magic was hard to do on your half starved energy.

You had almost forgotten about her until you woke with a start 3 weeks later; your magic tugging at you with a streak of red through it. You tugged on the pants closest to you and grabbed a hoodie before running down the stairs and pulling your bike out of your shop and onto the street. You followed the strand as quickly as you could, using just a touch of magic to strengthen your muscles. Karen was just outside of hell’s kitchen and you didn’t know how long it took you to get to her. Gods, this was what you had moved to avoid. Being a hero was always a bad idea. But you couldn’t pretend nothing happened. You approached the warehouse where the end of the strand was and gently set your bike against the wall. Pulling the hoodie over your head and as far down your face as possible, you made sure your hair was all tucked back and out of sight. You stuck to the shadows, using yet another touch of icy blue energy to do a simple, yet useful spell. It was a spell that made it difficult for others to look at you and truly see you. Their eyes would pass over you in a crowd or in the dark and if they stared, they would find it difficult to remember your features. 

Creeping in through the half open door closest to you, you noticed Karen sitting- no tied- to a chair in the middle of the room. A handful of men surrounded her. Well armed and dressed in black. One was speaking on the phone. Something about the devil. You weren’t sure, you’d only caught the end of it. 5 men would be difficult for you to handle, especially if they were professionals. 

You released a few bits of your magic, visible only to you, and allowed them to see the situation. You needed to know how to approach to avoid you and Karen dying. You sensed death, but not your’s or Karen’s. 

This is going to work. You thought to yourself. 

You slammed the loose tendrils of magic against the far side of the building, causing a ruckus loud enough to draw the attention of the men. 2 went outside to investigate. Two chose to move towards the edges of the room and position themselves strategically, and the remaining one stood near Karen. 

Close your eyes, you ordered Karen through the piece of magic still connecting you. You hoped she would listen as you formed three magical equivalents of a flash bang grenade. You focused the light directly in front of the assailant’s eyes. Doing such a small and concentrated piece of magic was difficult, but it was more efficient than lighting the whole room. As soon as the spells went off, you sprinted for Karen, conjuring your dagger and slashing at the duck tape around her wrists and ankles before sending the dagger back to its place in your home. She ripped the remaining piece off her mouth as you dragged her towards the exit. 

“Who are you?!” She hissed at you.

“Later,” you insisted. “When we’re safe.”

You had spoken too soon and your magic was too weak to warn you sooner of the men that opened fire on the two of you. Had you been stronger, you would've seen it coming before the men even made the decision, but with your current state, you only had enough time to yank Karen behind you and form the thinnest of shields… after several bullets had begun sailing through the air. The sides of your ribs stung from the bullets grazing you as your longstanding deflective spell pushed them away from hitting your internal organs.

You dug your feet into the gravel and pushed into the shield you created, praying that it would hold.

“Run!” You yelled at Karen. You would distract the men long enough for her to get away. Thankfully, she did as she was told and dashed off into the sparse trees that lined the road. You pushed harder now that she was out of the way; narrowing your shield to protect on the most important parts of your body and charged the two men in front of you. You could take them. Maybe. What you definitely couldn’t handle were the remaining three exiting the building, the effects of your flashbang having faded. 

You didn’t have to worry about your impending doom for long because a figure clothed in red leather dropped from the roof of the building and onto the men closest to him. 

The devil of hell’s kitchen? Why would he show up here?

Instead of dwelling on it, you shattered your shield and threw the tangible shards towards the hands and faces of the men who had shot you. They hit home, blinding and maiming, but not killing. If they died of blood loss later, that wasn’t your fault. The shards disintegrated as they found their marks and the little bits of magic leftover returned to your hands. You moved to help the man in red, who was currently in a fist fight with the last man standing. Both men were bleeding, not quite as much as you though and you wanted this night to be over with. You encased your fist in what was almost the last of your power, you had to recall the strand connecting you to Karen, and smacked the man in black on the back of the head, knocking him out and probably giving him a nasty concussion. 

The devil of hell’s kitchen looked at you as he lowered his fists. Or, not quite at you, kind of off to the side with his ear cocked towards you. You knew why. You had been through hell’s kitchen enough times to have seen the energy of the man so set on protecting it. His aura hung around it like a fog and on days where you were too tired to keep your mind closed, you could see it in detail. The devil of hell’s kitchen daylights as Matt Murdock, blind attorney at law. Of course you would never tell. People deserved to keep their secrets.

“You’re a long way from Hell’s kitchen, dude. Thanks for stepping in,” you said, trying to put him at ease. You didn’t know why he was there or how he was connected to Karen, but you didn’t want him to get the wrong impression of you. Not when a strong breeze could knock you over. How you were going to bike the few miles home with your magic tank running on fumes was beyond you.

“You’re bleeding. A lot,” he said dryly.

“Oh yeah, I’ll be fine. I’ll patch myself up in a minute.” Lies. You were about to pass out. Gods, how pathetic you were. You couldn’t even handle a couple of kidnappers without a near death experience.

“I can help you. My stitches are shit but they’ll hold.” The devil was being kind, but you really didn’t want to be touched by a stranger with no ability to wall up your mind. Most of your abilities require energy, whether a constant drain or a set one time payment. Your sight, however, only required that energy when you chose to expand its reach, or prevent its use. When people touched you and you were on empty, you saw way too fucking much and couldn’t process any of it. It was just a tsunami hitting you and it felt like you were being covered with fire ants.

“You are about 2 minutes from passing out. Is there anyone I can call for you?”

“No, thanks. It’s just me.” That was the truth. You had no one left for you in this world. If you died, you doubt anyone would notice.

Matt- the devil- pulled a flip phone out of some hidden pocket in his suit. 

You slipped down into a crouch and then sat down fully. Black spots danced in the edges of your vision and you pressed your hands onto the leaking wounds. 

“Karen, are you….” his words cut in and out as your ears began to ring. “Bring… and… no….”

Your head hit the ground with a painful thud as you lost the strength to sit up. 

“Ouch, fuck. It’s okay Matt. Was bound to happen at some point,” you muttered as you lost consciousness.

Series List

[osbob-the-existent]

A bundle of Glimmering Sun things, for your amusement

First, timing. I want the city to be marginally more diversified than just Matoran, so I've elected to set the Sinking as happening during the Time Slip. Quite why it happened I still haven't figured out - the Order of Mata Nui wanted a secret place to keep some Av-Matoran safe, Karzahni had a tantrum and punched a hole in the dome, it's largely irrelevant and I'm mostly planning it for peace of mind. The end result is that the OoMN steps in and requests that the Sunken City be included in the memory wipe for anybody outside of it. They also reduced the timeframe omitted within the city for the sake of avoiding chaos- the overnight appearance of a dome would be terrifying.

Secondly, Kanoka! Each Metru has their own Kanoka in canon, and I think it's only fair that we give the Sunken City the same privilege. So, in no particular order:

Vo-metru: can bounce between targets, in accordance with the user's thoughts. Must impact something to bounce, and the number of ricochets correlates with disk strength

De-metru: can skim along the ground without hitting it. Higher level disks can skim for longer, or skim higher, depending on the shape of the disk.

Ba-metru: can change heights once thrown, according to the user's will. Weaker disks can only go between fixed relative heights, while stronger ones change more fluidly.

Ce-metru: resistant to the effects of other Metrus' disks. At low levels, the effect is very weak; at high levels, it can be enough to briefly nullify an opposing disk's power

Fa-metru: attracts other disks to follow behind it, like a slipstream. Strangely, this is affected by the strength of the opposing disk; weak disks attract strong disks, and vice versa.

Bo-metru: can bend or change shape to navigate obstacles. These disks are unusually light, more closely resembling bamboo than forged protodermis

Fe-metru: imparts more kinetic energy on impact. This uses a portion of the disk's Kanoka power, weakening it; as such, Fe-metru disks are rarely used in mask making

Su-metru: passes through obstacles according to the user's will. Disk strength affects the range and size of object that can be passed through; failing to pass completely through an object can have destructive consequences.

Thirdly, sports! With the increased range of species present, akilini needed a few extra rules, as follows:

No rhotuka, vision powers, or elemental abilities may be used, unless agreed by all players beforehand. If it is agreed, such matches are to be played on the Enclosed Pitch for audience safety.

Weaponry is forbidden on the pitch, with the exception of Kanoka launchers. All other weapons must be removed before play; if they cannot be removed, they must not be used during play

You might not think that these needed clarifying, but you'd be surprised. Supplementing this, a standardised form of disk duelling has become popular, with opponents using level 1 disks and aiming simply to score a clean hit. The city's Skakdi have also made use of the arenas for gladiatorial duels, though this is frowned upon- nobody's died, but there's been significant damage to several important infrastructure projects

And I think that's about it! Some of this was pilfered from an entirely different dream, but most of it was waking mind. If you have any questions, I'm always happy to answer them, so ask away!

[queenofthursday6599-blog]

Fionna & Cake GolBetty theory(s)

I theorize GolBetty might be the reason Fionna and Cake are de-magic-ing stuff when they get really emotional.

Though there's some bonus extra GolBetty theorizing after the primary theory. Just so you know.

Like specifically due to GolBetty and Original Golb (OG). With the important thing to consider of madness and magic being connected in the adventure time universe.

It's why the Crown drives anyone who wears it crazy, why wizards are just about all some kind of nuts, and why Betty similarly became her own kind of crazy upon getting Magic Man's magic.

Magic = Madness, the more magic you have the more insane you are. With the only observed exceptions to this rule being god-like beings, like Prismo, Cosmic Owl, etc, and not even that is a hard and fast rule.

GolBetty is actually actively doing it to protect Simon

Okay, so the Fionna & Cake universe was already in Ice King's head when he was digested by OG back into no-magic Simon. So we can assume that that is when Fionna & Cake's world was stripped of it's magic.

[I'm guessing the only reason why Fionna & Cake's entire universe wasn't digested along with the magic (as Simon wasn't Simon when Fionna & Cake was stored in his brain, but Ice King), even though OG digesting stuff resets it back to an earlier point in it's history. Is because Fionna & Cake is also tied to Prismo, who exists outside of time.

So their universe probably would have survived even if Simon kept reverting. Right up until he ceased to exist, and there was no physical brain to store them in anymore.

Though I've also heard that Golb digests things back to their most essential state, but if that was it why was there a rush for them all to get out of Golb's stomach? So I'm pretty sure getting re-wound into nothing was what was going to happen if they stayed.]

After Simon is digested back to being just Simon, and Betty is digested back to being Betty, and the Ice Crown is reverted to the Wishing Crown. That's when Betty makes her own wish, using the reset Wishing Crown, and merges with Original Golb, turning the two of them into one being. GolBetty.

Simon is now in someway tied to GolBetty, because Betty's wish was to have the power to protect Simon. With (at least) a subconscious focus on him being the Ice King (because from what Betty had seen and experienced in Ooo, being the Ice King was the biggest danger to Simon). So I'm guessing that GolBetty just has a kind of permanent drain on any magic that comes into contact with Simon's mind, to keep him from turning back into Ice King, or some other insane wizard.

After all, if she can just eat any magic that touches Simon's mind before it can affect him, he'll always be safe and protected from magic's influence.

Problem is, Fionna and Cake are native to Simon's mind. It's where their universe was created, and where it will forever be contained unless something changes that. They're extensions of Simon even if none of them really think about it that way (this is also why what's going on with Marshal and Garry tend to mirror, or be influenced, what's happening with Simon, Fionna and Cake in the outside world).

So they're both tied to GolBetty through Simon.

Whenever one of them interacts with something magical and experiences a powerful emotional response. GolBetty is sensing that as if part of Simon's mind is coming into contact with something magical and having a weird abnormal feelings as a result. So GolBetty responds by getting rid of the magic before it can infect Simon and have insanity set in.

Because it's only when Fionna and Cake are really emotional that they're turning magic objects into non-magic objects. So I'm guessing that GolBetty is just sensing Simon's brain coming into contact with something magical, having a powerful abnormal emotional response to it, and assuming it's magic-madness trying to take root.

After all, Ice King was prone to euphoric highs and depressing lows. So an extremely positive emotion, like Cake when fighting the hot dog guy, or Fionna getting to kiss someone so similar to the Ice Prince of her dreams, and extremely negative emotions, like Cake seeing B-MO die. Are equally just perceived as unusual outliers in Simon's mood/mental state, and thus the onset of madness.

So GolBetty responds by turning on the drain and just sucking the magic of whatever magical thing Fionna or Cake is touching in that instance. Just turn on the entropy and age the magic right out of existence.

Fionna and Cake were "Given Life" by GolBetty's power and are thus beings of Entropy

Though things becoming de-magicked when touched by Fionna and Cake, could be way less intentional on GolBetty's part. And the reason Fionna and Cake keep sucking the magic out of things is that they made that great dimensional leap to the rest of the multiverse due to Simon trying to connect with GolBetty. The God of Entropy.

Before Simon's attempted ritual, they didn't exist anywhere but inside Simon's subconsious, even if they were originally created and placed there by Primso. So they weren't technically real/alive within the greater multiverse. Meaning they only "gain life" upon leaving Simon's mind to join the rest of reality.

So they've (technically) been given life by the God of Entropy. Which would also kind of explain why they completely throw whatever world they go into out of wack in some way. Changing them from their original, wished for, state, for better or worse.

Entropy is chaos as well as destruction after all. And they've thrown every world they've passed through out of their intended natural order.

Even if the order of that world was technically negative like Winter King's. They still by the nature of interfering, destroyed the natural equilibrium that world had originally come to.

So if GolBetty is what gave them life as far as the greater multiverse is concerned, then it makes sense why they're spreading choas and destruction everywhere they go even if they don't mean to.

More GolBetty

I'm honestly not entirely sure how GolBetty is going to react to meeting Fionna & Cake in the actual show. Which I can only assume is going to happen at some point.

Like or or not, GolBetty is their antagonist. The reason why their world doesn't have magic anymore, and the biggest obstical to getting said magic back, even with beetle dude running around trying to kill them, even if they don't know it.

She is Fionna & Cake's biggest enemy if GolBetty still has Betty's mind.

Them and their desire for their universe to have magic again is the biggest reason as to why Simon is actually trying to become the Ice King again. Something that at one point, Simon once told Betty, to her face, was something he considered a fate worse than death.

Literally. In the episode where Betty jumps through the Hambo-time-portal, Simon begs, he begs Betty to just let him die as Simon Petrikov rather than try and fix the Ice Crown and make him go back to being the Ice King.

No matter how much or how little GolBetty actually remembers about being Betty on a conscious level, the wish that merged Golb with a mortal woman literally changed all reality. Because Golb is a being that exists outside of any specific timeline the same way Prismo does, there's only one Golb, and that's GolBetty now.

Like of all of the higher powers of the Adventure TIme Multiverse you don't want to mess with, GolBetty should be at the top of your list.

She is the primal embodiment of chaos. And after going from Golb to GolBetty it's entirely possible she's now capable of rational thought and things like actual anger rather than being the unthinking primordial force of nature Golb was originally.

Honestly I could see GolBetty just thanos snapping Fionna and Cake's world right out of Simon's head if she thought that would be the solution to Simon wanting to be Ice King again.

I don't think that's what's going to happen, because that would just make everything worse, and I don't think Adventure Time is that kind of cynical show no matter how dark it gets sometime, especially in Fionna & Cake.

Like I honestly think that would push Simon from "I want to be Ice King again" to actively suicidal, because his wife just ended an entire reality in order to keep him the sad mortal man that he is than let him return to being Ice King, and Prismo would also fall into an even deeper depression as well.

But I could definitely see it getting brought up as a possible solution by GolBetty. If GolBetty kept Betty's mind and active consciousness when the merge happened.

It could also be entirely possible that the Betty that Simon is so desperately trying to go back to just doesn't exist anymore. That much like how magic is tied to madness, it's just not possible to become the embodiment of the end of all things and retain sentience.

Which is something I don't see a lot of people talking about. The potential of GolBetty only being influenced by Betty's last mortal thoughts and that Betty isn't actually actively conscious inside the amalgamation of GolBetty.

Like how the Ice King is Simon Petrikov deep down, and how Ice King acts is influenced by Simon's personality. But it's filtered through original Gunther's Wish to be Evergreen, Gunther's memories, Sveinn's memories (random viking guy), original Santa's memories, and the general madness that afflicts anyone who's an extremely powerful magician but not a god or elemental.

GolBetty is Betty, but is also the primordial embodiment of entropy of all things across all of the multiverse. She doesn't really do anything but sit in her void of nothing. Waiting for self destructive idiots to summon her to their reality so she can also cause the heat death of that specific universe, and for the end of everything across all timelines. Is she even capable of thinking in a way a human is at this point?

I don't think this would be the ending either, but there's a real possibility of Simon managing to reach GolBetty, only to find that the Betty he was so desperately trying to reach just doesn't really exist anymore. At least not in a way he could communicate with.

GolBetty Might Be Dead

I'm not entirely sure if the Golb Simon is trying to contact is GolBetty. It's not GolBetty's face we keep seeing flash on screen, with two cat shaped eyes on top and two round below them, it's four round eyes like Original Golb.

The teeth are also what we see on Original Golb as well. With three incisor teeth between the top canine teeth, while GolBetty has just two incisors between the top canines.

Here's the face of the Golb we see in Fionna & Cake:

This here is GolBetty's face as last seen in Adventure Time:

And this is Golb's from the same episode as GolBetty:

Now which of these two look like the Golb we're seeing in Fionna and Cake? Because that looks far more like original Golb than it does GolBetty to me.

So it's entirely possible that GolBetty has self-reverted due to being the god of entropy, and is back into being just Golb, and that the fusion state of GolBetty was only temporary.

Because we see that most of the wishes Betty tried to make using the Crown didn't work, the crown wasn't strong enough to overcome Golb's power to complete those kinds of wishes, up until wishing that she could keep Simon safe.

The Crown doesn't have the power to overcome Golb directly, it couldn't force Golb to leave that dimension. Betty herself comes to the conclusion that Golb is stronger than the Wishing Crown's magic before making her final wish.

Which could mean that her wish was temporary, which could also explain why Simon can still clearly be injured, and possibly killed. Betty isn't really around to protect Simon anymore.

Heck, it's possible that GolBetty didn't even last that long, just long enough to get out of that dimension and back to the void. Where Golb would forget that dimension entirely due to being an "idiot god" in the writer's words. A more or less non-sentient embodiment of destruction, that doesn't actually think or desire anything.

We don't see GolBetty in any of the Distant Lands episodes set after Come Along With Me either. Come Along With Me is the last time we ever see GolBetty, or at least that design, and we don't get a flash of her in the 1000 year time skip. The last we ever see of her is her leaving that dimension.

So yeah, GolBetty might possibly be dead. And has been dead more or less the entire time after she left the main dimension. Sorry to all you guys who love the God of Entropy Betty x Mortal Male Wife Simon kind of ship dynamic, because it might be even more restricted to fan content than you thought.

[trans-axolotl]

I'm in a very dire situation mentally. I think I will take my own life. Can I ask for more support from you/can you point me to where I can find help? I'm very isolated right now.

💜I'm glad you reached out, anon. I'm sorry that things are so rough right now--I know how overwhelming and exhausting dealing with life can get. Sometimes, it really just feels like we've hit our breaking point, and it can be really hard to see any way forward out of how we're feeling. I want to share some resources with you and give you some more options that make it feel more possible for you to stick around.

For me, something that helps me when I'm in crisis is looking for things that help me feel even just 5% or even 1% better. Usually, by the time I've gotten to a crisis point, my emotions and experience have gotten so big that it can be really frustrating to try out coping skills that I knew couldn't solve the problems I was having. Thinking about coping through crisis as trying to "turn down the volume" on the experiences I was having so that I could survive through the moments and access longer term support helped me feel a little less horrible.

This is a set of questions taken from a zine by Carly Boyce that have really helped me to get through some really tough moments in the past:

If you've felt this way before, what got you through it?

Who are folks you trust to talk to, ask for help, be near you?

What is a physical space you can be in? can you/we do anything to make it feel cozier, safer, better, etc?

Are there things/people/objects/meds/environments you want to avoid? What can help make that happen?

Are there basic body needs that if met, could make you feel just 1% less bad? ie-water, snacks, shower, baby-wipe bathing, warmer clothes, more blankets, a fan, deep breaths, deep breaths outside, stretching

Have you slept lately? eaten? changed any sort of med/drug use lately? seen your therapist/support worker/whatever sort of healer you see lately?

Sometimes it helps me if I tell myself that the rule is that I have to try something from this list to see if it even makes me feel 1% better before trying out more risky and drastic coping mechanisms. Sometimes if I'm feeling like making some really big choices and suicide seems like a super urgent threat, I ask myself if I can just do whatever is the next most drastic option. If I'm thinking about killing myself, can I quit my stressful job instead? Can I take some time off? Can I use a riskier coping strategy that will still keep me alive? We're allowed to make room in our lives for whatever helps us survive.

Something else that has helped me in the past is looking at different ways of understanding suicide. Sometimes for me, it wasn't always about wanting to die-it could be my body + minds way of giving off a bunch of alarms that shit wasn't okay in my life right now, and that I needed something that I wasn't getting. This slide has a lot of different possibilities for ways that suicide might show up in our lives, and can sometimes help us identify needs that might not be getting met. Sometimes, being able to identify what it is I really want and find ways to express the depth of my pain helped me feel a tiny bit more secure and safe to get through the next few weeks.

This stuff can be so fucking hard to deal with, and can feel really isolating. I know this can be a complicated message to hear, so ignore if it doesn't resonate with you, but I'm really proud that you're still here and for everything that you are already doing, however big or small, to get yourself through the day and keep surviving. You deserve support and care, and if there's anyone in your life who might be able to provide some of that for you, I hope that you might be able to reach out to them. If it's helpful for you, filling out a crisis plan like this one with a support person might help you make a plan for what to do in the moments it gets really tough, and think through the practical strategies and coping skills that are relevant to you.

I also want to share some online resources that you can reach out to for support. If you want to talk to a crisis line that doesn't call the cops, you can check out any of these lines: Trans Lifeline: 877-565-8860. THRIVE: text message line at 313-662-8209 Promise Resource Network: (833) 390-7728. I'd also really recommend the Wildflower Alliance Discord server and their alternative to suicide zoom groups. They are a great community where lots of people come to get peer support, vent, get advice, and usually there's always someone online at any time. Project LETS also offers peer support with trained peer supporters who might be able to offer you some crisis support. Please feel free to reach back out through my inbox at any time if you want to vent, if you just want to give an update, anything you want to share--I'm here to listen and support as much as I can. I am not online 24/7 and it might take me a while to respond, but I do care and will respond when I can. If you need an urgent response, the resources I've listed above might be able to help you more quickly.

If you need irl support and feel like you want to be in a different space beside your home to keep safe, I want to share a directory of peer respite. These are non hospital settings that provide 24/7 support for you to stay in for about a week, and give you time and care to help get through this tough time. If you want to send another ask with your location on anon, I can send you more specific resources for places like mental health urgent care, non hospital crisis stabilization options, and peer respite for your area. There are options that can help you have space and time from your normal life to get through this.

I know it's not easy and I'm not going to say any of the cliche things we hear a lot when talking about suicide, but I do want to say that lots of messy, complicated things can be true at once. It can be true that we feel absolutely horrible and in crisis, and like things will never get better, and at the same time there is always the possibility for more future moments of joy and connection. You're allowed to exist fully as a person with whatever complicated emotions you might be feeling right now, and there is room for you. I'm glad you're here.

Please feel free to reach back out and share whatever you need--I'm here to listen and I'll be keeping a closer eye on my inbox through the next few days. 💜💜💜