#there may or may not be a part 2 bc idk what chill is

[xjustakay]

✺ (4/4) ✺ @jegulus-microfic prompt: forbid — 1,274 words (dad james meets harry's favorite librarian and suddenly has a favorite of his own; pt.2)

“Mate, the slot is right here.” James points at the metal drop slot for library book returns as Harry hurries past him through the automatic entry door.

The six year old whips around, books cradled to his chest, a look that says ‘what are you talking about?’ written all over his face. He looks so like Lily when he makes that face that it makes James snort to himself.

“No, I have to turn them in to a librarian ‘cause I have to tell Regulus which one was my favorite,” Harry argues.

Before James can ask what is so special about this Regulus that he’s been mentioning, Harry’s turned away from him again, heading inside. With a faint grin and a shake of his head, James follows, quickening his step to catch up to the little boy. 

He follows him up to the front desk where a woman with brown curls falling out of a claw clip sits clicking away at a computer. Harry carefully shifts his books into the curl of one arm, waving his other hand above the edge of the counter where he only peeks a few inches above.

“Oh! Hello there, Harry.” The woman leans forward to smile down at him. “Brought your returns today, have you?”

“Yes, miss Andromeda,” Harry replies.

Andromeda glances up at James’ approach, a curious look crossing her face. “You’re dad then, I presume.”

“Dad is me,” James chuckles. “James works just fine, too, though.”

It’s typically Lily that brings Harry to the library. It’s closer to James’ place in reality, but he’s usually let it be something special Harry does with his mum. Lily had told James he was being silly; ‘Harry and I have plenty of things, James, just like you two do. The library is not owned by me and he loves going. Take him every now and again.’ 

So when Harry had brought his books with him for his stay at his dad’s and mentioned they were due before the week was up, James had decided to finally show face there. Evidently his son is a well-loved regular amongst the librarians.

“Well, it’s nice to finally meet you, James,” Andromeda says before turning back to Harry. “Want me to take those, sweetheart?”

Harry shakes his head. “I’ve got to find Regulus.”

“Ah, I see.” There’s a knowing smile on Andromeda’s face as she nods, her gaze flickering to James.

“Yes, god forbid we not drop them in the slot like everyone else,” He jokes.

“Well, Harry does have a little bit of a book club of sorts with Regulus, so this isn’t entirely unusual,” She notes.

“He mentioned something like that, yeah.” James grins fondly down at his son as he ruffles a hand through the mess of his hair. “So, where might we find this mysterious and oh so wonderful Regulus today?”

“He’s reshelving a cart of returns. Last I saw in the adult romance section,” Andromeda answers.

“Okay, thank you, miss Andromeda!” Harry rushes out, at least managing to still be polite before bolting away from the desk.

James laughs and mutters a quick thanks of his own before hurrying after him. Harry zips into one of the rows of shelves before James has fully caught up to him, hazel eyes darting upward to check the sign and make sure it’s the right place. When he rounds into the aisle, he stops only a couple steps in, freezing on the spot. A short distance up the row, Harry talks animatedly to a librarian who’s stopped with a metal cart full of books to be returned where they belong. 

Now, here’s the thing, James has heard the name Regulus a few different times when Harry’s talked about his visits to the library. Heard about how Regulus’ story time readings are Harry’s favorite, and how Regulus always recommends the best books. 

Even just today, James has heard the name several times. He hadn’t really known what to expect, but whatever minimal expectations he might have had have been shot to hell in three seconds flat.

Regulus is lovely. Black curls, sharp jaw, pale skin contrasted by a dark jumper and jeans. Grey eyes are intently focused on Harry as he speaks, a soft smile curled at a pretty mouth. The afternoon sunlight mocks James, slanting through gaps in the shelves to make the man glow —ethereal without effort.

“I read the dinosaur bedtime book all by myself so many times. Mum didn’t even have to help me,” Harry tells Regulus proudly.

“Was that one your favorite then?” Regulus asks. And god, even his voice is beautiful. James is fucked. So absolutely fucked.

“Yeah, but I think I wanna try those chapter books you told us about next. With the treehouse?” Harry bounces on his feet.

“The Magic Treehouse series, uh huh.” Regulus nods. “Where’s your mum? We’ll find one you two can choose together.”

“Oh, my dad brought me today! He’s right there.” Harry points past him, right at where James still stands frozen.

A furrow in his brow, Regulus turns, eyes landing on James. And James would love to say that it snaps him back to reality. Would love to tell you that he manages an easy smile, says something charming, doesn’t just stay standing there in silent awe.

Instead, what happens is he lifts one hand, wiggling his fingers in a goofy little wave, an uncharacteristically quiet ‘hi’ slipping out of his mouth.

Regulus’ brows shoot upward, stormcloud eyes shifting up and down to take James in. It’s in Regulus’ pause to assess him that James seems to come back to himself. He blinks quickly and takes a few steps forward, closing the gap between them. A hand is extended toward Regulus, a smile a little less off stretching across James’ face.

“James,” He introduces himself, lips twitching a little in amusement when Regulus’ eyes go a bit wide as he has to tilt his head back slightly to look up at him.

Schooling his expression, Regulus glances down at the hand outstretched to him, hesitating a beat before gently taking it. It’s smaller than James’, cooler, too, but not in a bad way. He thinks fleetingly about brushing his thumb over fine-boned knuckles then thinks better of it.

“Regulus.” He shakes his hand slowly, a barely there smile at the corners of his mouth.

“It’s nice to finally meet Harry’s favorite librarian. I’ve heard great things,” James says, giving his hand a squeeze.

An exhaled laugh. A gentle dusting of pink high in his cheeks. “Ah, I’m sure I’m not his favorite.”

“No, you are!” Harry confirms with a grin. His green eyes dart back and forth between his father and Regulus then back again, a suspicious look slowly scrunching his face. “Why are you guys still holding hands?”

James and Regulus jerk back from one another, hands dropping as if zapped by an electric shock. A mumbled apology on James’ part, Regulus clearing his throat as he white-knuckles the bar on his book cart with the hand that’s just released his. James thinks he sees the flush in his cheeks deepen, but he’s not sure he isn’t making it up given how Regulus now refuses to look at him.

“Why don’t we go find those books you’d like, hm?” Regulus hurriedly suggests to Harry.

It’s a sufficient enough distraction; Harry perks up and nods excitedly, following when Regulus leads the way. James lingers for a moment too long, watching after them with a funny feeling in his chest, a smile twitching at his lips.

Maybe he really will have to start coming to the library more often.

[punksocks]

My Opinions on the Moon Signs

(Btw I’m going to reply soon, sorry life and work has been very busy this June ;0)

Aries moon- The definition of passionate. They can be outgoing and a lot of fun. Definitely super charismatic people. Determinators (more than Aries sun sometimes imo), they’re going to get what they want done. They also really hate not being listened to or treated as the leaders in the room. When they’re mad they get passive aggressive asf and so pissy. Every Aries moon I’ve known has basically refused to be personable while they’re upset. No matter if they were older or younger than me (my grandfather was an Aries moon). They’re loud when they’re happy and loud then distressingly quiet when they’re upset. They stay mad until they decide not to be mad anymore. Then they’ll never talk about it again and be so jovial you could never guess they were upset 2 minutes ago. Good time friends and great at entertaining a crowd though.

Taurus moon- I’m biased bc my partner has this and I love them :0. Softies. They’re grounded and caring, like no one will help soothe you more than a Taurus moon. They’re really giving but it depends what they feel resource rich in. Like if they have a lot of control over their time they’ll spend days on you. But if they grew up during constant instability and financial stress they have a hard time being flexible with giving money or moving house or things like that. They’ll come around if you can show them that they can keep their physical safety. In fact, I think it’s easiest to change a Taurus moon’s mind out of all the fixed moons (in my experience).Also, They really like it when you call them on their shit and shoot straight with them. Also food, they love good food. Any tactile good time really. They’ll make you feel special if you give them affection.

Gemini moon- I don’t have a ton of experience here. Chatty but keep more to themselves than Gemini suns. Only shows you certain parts of themselves, they always have a lot on their minds. The poster child overthinkers of the zodiac (and virgo moons too ofc). Funny tho, always a sense of humor and philosophy about just about every situation.

Cancer moon- Sweethearts. Exalted placement for a reason. Really good at sensing problems/insecurities and putting words to them. They can catch crushes easily. They need to get as much validation as they give. Like a lot. That’s one of their emotional love languages. Can be comforting or very manipulative it depends on how developed they are. One of the most creative people I ever met was a cancer moon, they were super talented and recieved a lot of praise for their great work. A sweetheart that had a lot of creative hobbies and was close to their family. Daydreamed quite a bit, but no more than any other water sign placement.

Leo moon- They don’t need to be the center of attention as often as people think, but they do need to be listened to. It means a lot to them. Can be really aggressive as kids for a period of time then they grow into themselves and can be pretty chill. Maybe a bit too chill about things they aren’t passionate about. They light up when they’re excited though. Also, they can be super competitive, like they can get in their feelings about losing at something they’re trying to show off in. (Like a video game or team sport or what have you)

Virgo moon- Very thoughtful and insightful people. They’re able to pick through and see little imperfections in people that others can not. Whether they use those powers for good or evil is truly up to them. (I have had many friends use this power for good and a relative or two use this power for evil). Everyone I’ve met with this placement has been so seriously beautiful and so aesthetically put together, idk how they do it. Doesn’t love to be called on their shit lol, you must be gentle with criticism unless you know them very very well. But they have a lot that’s on their mind and a bit they’re insecure about so you may accidentally start beef by saying something. But super perceptive people, a delight to gossip with (mercurial moons love to bond over gossip) and they have great ideas. If you have a problem to solve or analyze they’ll often have a set of solutions.

Libra moon- don’t know a ton of them. Not super well anyway. They can be very intelligent and understand a lot about the things they like. And they bluff/charm their way through everything else. Most likely to act differently around different people to try to be the person they think whoever they’re talking to will like.

Scorpio moon- usually very goth/dark style, or they’re drawn to it. Usually just radiate intensity. But also more detached from more situations than I expect every time? They have had a lot of emotional hardships growing up and so they kind of expect to get hurt again by those they’re close to. It’s like a callous for them. If they let you in you’re very special. The developed ones are such sweethearts. Knew a manipulative one that was underdeveloped and crazy tho ngl. Like that person seemed violent and like they wanted to burn the world to feel warm. So either very sweet and stand-offish or just destructive asl.

Sagittarius moon- not my cleanest set of experiences ngl. If you’re like having a good time with one then they’re funny and can be the life of the party. Can also not know how to be emotionally supportive, but will attempt it. But my mom was my bad experience and there was a lot of explosive anger at little things mixed with being immature about others emotions. Throwing a book across the room because she didn’t understand what her (post grad) homework was or coming home angry and yelling after a bad day of work without so much as saying hi. And a lot of being mad at me and other kids for not being instantly emotionally soothed yknow? Like if I needed to sit in silence and process that would tick her off and set off a chain reaction. Explosive anger. Also forcing themselves to laugh loudly after an argument to feel better (Aries moon grandfather did this too I don’t get it). This is mainly underdeveloped energy though. I had a friend with this moon placement and they had a hard time processing their emotions and would usually breakdown for a moment then get back up again. Also people with this placement tend to get most romantically interested in unavailable people imo.

Capricorn moon- me! And a lot of people I connected with briefly and deeply. Having terrible mothers and bonding over it lol. High standards for others even higher standards for themselves. Seems emotionally distant but will break down and cry when they feel safe and are probably alone. And they have a playlist for feeling sad I bet. You either are someone that they tell when they cry or you never know. Has to work out of seeing emotions they were shamed for as a sign of weakness. Gifts are their love language and if they can’t find the words to tell you how they feel about you they will often buy you something you mentioned you always wanted or something you needed off hand. Sentimental types, trouble right expressing it. Will talk to you about everything if they like you and nothing if they don’t. Capricorn placement most likely to go into isolation mode to really consider their relationships and place in life. Might grow suddenly distant if they feel neglected or betrayed. Underdeveloped ones are removed from their emotions in a dangerous way and in denial about all the healing they need to do.

Aquarius moon- also another set of messy personal experiences. Can come up with really out of the box solutions. Seem to either be revolutionary or very very conservative. Like most of the Aquarius moons I’ve known have been men so grain of salt but they would be the ones to most constantly say “a good woman does x” or “if you have that attitude you won’t get married” or throw shade on “girly” hobbies. You can’t change their mind. Even if you present evidence or a sound argument, hardest to get through to of all the fixed signs imo. Sometimes they’ll come back having changed their own mind. Maybe they googled whatever you said and started to believe you. But they’re not going to say you changed their mind. It’s something that they have to believe they made themselves come around on. They often have an independent sense of right and wrong. Sometimes very intelligent, sometimes just bluffing their way through it. Always will respond to opinions though. Can be really funny people, sometimes on accident. Allergic to routine and desk jobs. Usually… detached. Like if they care about you, they’re going to express it in an abstract or private way. Can be hard to tell if they care at all in my personal experiences ngl. My dad is an underdeveloped Aquarius moon and he’d often tell me to swallow my emotions and repress them and go with the way things were. (I don’t talk to my parents anymore lol, they’re narcissistic people)

Pisces moon- I’ve only known a few personally. Sometimes really surprisingly basic. Sometimes they’re just made of magic and they see the world in a whole different way. Emotionally in-tuned with people around them. If their environment is misanthropic then they’re more likely to be. If their environment is upbeat then they’re more likely to be. Most likely to grow up to be like their family/peers but assume they’re not imo. Sentimental with the folks they’re close to.

[controversial-blorbo-bracket]

Controversial Character Tournament Round 2: Blaine Anderson from Glee vs Barok Van Zieks from The Great Ace Attorney

(remember that these characters are fictional and your fellow tumblr users are real. i will block you if you harass others in the notes, please consider sending your unhinged harassment to my inbox instead)

Propaganda under the cut, may contain spoilers:

Blaine Anderson:

LOVE: - "you know that post that's like "fandom will call a character evil and immature and then the character is just 15 yo" because that's what happens with blaine. he's just a sweet but socially inept kid with a lot of insecurities who's trying his best. compared to most glee characters he hasn't done anything wrong in his life. and yes he cheated on his boyfriend that one time, but he was super depressed afterwards (also this is glee literally every character has cheated and none have suffered as most as blaine because of it). in conclusion he's just a silly goose. my little princess <3"

HATE: (tumblr will not let me format this one bc its too long)

"A lot of people say he's the male Rachel Berry, and while I think that is absolutely a true statement, I actually don't mind his personality all that much. Literally everyone in Glee has a personality that ranges from inconsistent to downright horrendeus, so instead of talking about what he's like, here's some things he canonically does (buckle up, this'll be long): In season 2, when we first meet him, he's the leader of his school's showchoir. (redflag no.1/j) This gives him the freedom and authoritity to do a lot of stuff- not all bad, but he does serenade a closeted guy he doesn't know all that well, who works in costumer service AT HIS WORKPLACE, with a song about sex toys. (The guy in question ends up getting fired of course). He also gives some pretty hypocritical advice to his love interest, Kurt, about how he should try to blend in (hypocritical, cuz Blaine does the opposite and he's thriving under the attention), and he asks some insesitive questions, but those are all pretty excusable, or at least standard for Glee. In s3, him and Kurt are boyfriends, and he transitions school for him, which we could absolutely count as a decent thing, however it all kinda sours when he gets the part of Tony in the school's production of West side story. Why is this important? Kurt is a senior, and the performing arts university he's applying for is really competitive, so he needs all the extra curriculars and theatre experiance he can get. He asks Blaine to not aidition for Tony- which he agrees to- than promptly goes against that by singing one of Tony's songs at audition. He then gets offfered the role, doesn't turn it down, tells Kurt he should be happy for him, and honestly, BY GLEE STANDARDS, this is also pretty chill. Meanwhile: enter Sebastian Smythe, another contraversial character, who's now the new captain of Blaine's former showchoir, and who decides that either 1. Blaine is hot 2. Gonna use Blaine as an informat (His reasons are unclear tbh) Either way, he starts flirting with Blaine, who does end up rejecting his advances and telling him he's taken (though much later than it's probably ethical, idk tho, I'm aro). He (Blaine) really enjoys the attention though, so they end up keeping in touch. (Important for later.) Back to our main plot though; Blaime doesn't have sexual chemistry with his co-star, so the director tells him to lose his virginity (yes, you heared that right, it is fucked up). So he tries to sleep with Kurt, who of course, doesn't know that his boyfriend's sudden interest in him is due to directoral instructions. And then probably the most contraversial Blaine scene happens- see, Blaine, Kurt, and Sebastian (who Kurt hates with passion) end up going to this gaybar. Blaime gets drunk (though he only drinks one beer on screen, so we don't exactly know how drunk), and tries to sleep with Kurt in the parking lot. Kurt is visibly upset, and tells him no multiple times. Blaime doesn't oblige, and Kurt ends up shouting at him, which Blaine...doesn't take well, and blames Kurt, then leaves by foot. (They end up having sex by the end of this episode btw. No, Kurt still doesn't know about the directoral instructions. Whether he does it out of love or fear that Blaine will leave him is unclear) So we already know these two are not very good at boundries and communication, but the writers say they're "soulmates" so apperantly it's okay? Anyway, this all culminates in cheating incident no.1, where Kurt meets a guy whom he shares similar interests with, and who gives him some very cheesy compliements. They exchange numbers, and text a lot. Blaine doesn't like this. He checks their texts in secret, and then sings a song in front of the entire Glee club about how he's being cheated on, to humiliate Kurt.

Kurt insists it's not cheating, giving the example that Blaine's doing the same/used ro do the same with Sebastian. Blaine says "that's different" and they leave it at that. Kurt apologises via song. S4- Kurt moves to New York. Has to work a lot, since rebt is high, and also gets an internship at vague, so he's quite busy. Blaine feels ignored, so he cheats on him with some guy we only see the facebook profile of. They break up. S5- Blaine has a crush in this other guy, Sam. (He's been trying to get Kurt back, so him moving on is a big deal). Except gay marrige gets legalized, and Blaine decides to propose to Kurt. So he gets back together with him, then bot a week later he arranges a huge public proposal where it'd honestly just be plain emberassing to say no, but dontcha worry, because Kurt accepts. They move to New York together. Blaine becomes insecure, because Kurt gets ripped thanks to his fencing lessons, meanwhile he lrts go of himself a bit, enjoying all the fine food New York has to offer. His reaction to this is to try manipulating/tricking Kurt into eating copious amounts of food too. (To be fair, Kurt's reaction to the situation isn't perfect either, but this is not about him, their actions can co-exist without one of them necessarily having to be "the right one") S6- Kurt breaks up with Blaine. Blaine ends up going back to Ohio, and dating the guy who bullied, non-consensually kissed, than threatened to kill Kurt. (The guy did have a redemption arc, but I still dunno how to feel) You might be wondering- "wow, this was so lpng and extensive", and you'd be right but also this was mostly romantic relationship centric. There's also a lot of stuff Blaine says to his friends that make me question my sanity, but this is Glee, so that's every character in basically every episode. What makes me hate Blaine isn't even JUST all this- it's the fact that in universe, he almost never gets called-out, people take his side, it's as if the writers are condoning his actions, and I Don't Like That. I'm all for liking morally grey, or even morally dispicable characters, as long as their actions don't get excused. Hell, I started out just mildly disliking Blaine, but a lot of people paint him as innocent and pure, and that didn't feel right. Then I was ready to like him BECUASE of his questionable morality- but turns out, the guy doean't have much else going on besides this. His personality is almost the same as Rachel, except Rachel's more...full? If that makes sense? Blaine is just...bland. And inconsistent, and boring, and I just Do Not Like Him At All."

Baron Van Zieks:

LOVE: - "man's 6'4", british, looks like a vampire, took a mental health break for 5 years thanks to the dead bodies that cropped up after he lost in court, and is uhhhhhh kinda racist which is a key part of his character. the explanation for it is divisive but he does grow as a character eventually?? i think he's fun. there's a bonus case exclusive to the 3DS version of the games where he mentions he was almost poisoned in one of the first cases he ever handled. he objects with his leg. he brings wine into court but rarely drinks it. he has bats in his office. we have no idea where the scar on his face came from. his voice actor did a subway commercial. i think he wants to believe he is the sane one in the courtroom but that title belongs to the 16 year old judicial assistant for the defense." - "I love to hate him tbh!!! He's a complex interesting character tied up in things outside of his control and being used by the antagonist to hurt people, isolated due to his grief and rumors from the public. He also sucks SO fucking bad and I want to punch him. Lovingly. But I love him I promise."

[illicitlimerence-writes]

good morning | c. leclerc

pairing: dad!charles leclerc x mom!reader word count: 6.2k words. request: yes by anons: “bestie i need more dad!charles 😩” & “will you ever write a part 2 of goodnight 🥺” & “can we have goodnight part 2? 🥹” & many more but i think i already answered some of those asks jsjsjs sorry. warnings: it gets messy. lots of time jumps, language, mentions/allusions to sexy times, charles being a dilf. a crazy ex, some legal things that i made up bc idk how that works irl, idk idk. also pls don't ask about years or dates, the math won't add up let's just chill and enjoy the ride a/n: let us all thank @spideyanakin for coming up with this plot back in like JANUARY 💀💀💀. i had written a different ending but it was too much crackhead energy so i changed it lmaooo. also is it wrong of me to say that i kinda dislike theo ?? 💀 like idk, how can i hate a character that i made up myself lmaooo pls don’t cancel me. okay bye happy race week, let us all pray for a safe race where mick scores points finally🙏🙏

my masterlist / this is the long awaited, highly requested part two of 'goodnight'

(y/b/m) = your birth month.

“are you ready?” charles said, his hand holding yours as his finger played with the diamond ring on your ring finger.

“yeah, are you?” you chuckled, looking at his wide eyes. he smiled at you, his gaze traveling down to your belly.

“i think so. you ready, bud?”

“yeah, daddy!” theo replied from his spot on the backseat, a huge smile on his face.

theo was a walking advertisement for ferrari. of course.

ferrari cap, check.

ferrari shirt with ‘leclerc’ written on the back, check.

he was all suited up and ready for his first ever formula one race. the monaco grand prix. his father’s home race.

that day, the world was going to know that charles leclerc was the father of a five-year-old boy, and a baby girl on the way.

theo had been begging to go to a race for over a year now. but he was still too young at the time, so you decided to wait for the right time. then, you got pregnant with little miss ava. it was the end of may, and you were now eight and a half months pregnant, so your stomach was pretty noticeable through your maternity dress. it was charles’ home race, and it was a very special day for him, so you happily agreed to accompany him to the race.

with one last nod, charles stepped out of the car, instantly blinded by all the flashing camera lights. he put on his sunglasses before walking to you door, opening it for you and helping you out. the clicks of cameras got increasingly louder, everyone wanted to take a perfect shot of you two. with a small nod, and a gentle squeeze on charles’ hand, he opened the door for theo to step out. charles’ free hand immediately grabbed theo’s small one, he didn’t want him to wander off unsupervised. 

“whoa, daddy!” theo looked around. “there’s so many people here.”

theo stared wide-eyed at everything around him, his shocked face resembling the ones of the people who stared at the three of you. you kept a protective hand over your stomach, especially when you saw the curious, foreign eyes gazing at your bump. once you reached the ferrari motorhome, you relaxed a little, but still kept theo at arm’s length.

charles introduced you to everyone, and you smiled as you watched the people gushing over theo, congratulating you and wishing you the best for the baby. you all walked upstairs to charles’ room so he could change and get ready for his interviews and such. he had a hectic schedule that day, and unfortunately, theo was having none of it. theo crossed his arms over his chest, frowned and pouted as charles crouched in front of him.

“i’ll see you in a bit, theo. i need you to be good for me,” charles reached his arm out, but theo ducked out of his way.

“theo,” you called his name, “what’s this, buddy?” you were genuinely surprised by his behavior. he was always so good, so calm and attentive to what you or charles said.

“my daddy,” theo said. charles looked at you, but you shrugged your shoulder, shaking your head side to side slightly, having no idea what he meant. “my daddy. daddy stays with me,” he stated.

it shocked you, since theo had never said anything like that whenever charles left to the races. of course, theo missed his father, but he always watched charles on the tv, never missed a session or a race, and he always smiled whenever the cameras were focused on charles, because charles would always wink at the camera, a sign for theo that he was thinking of him.

“but daddy has things he needs to do, theo. you and i can stay here, or we can go downstairs and watch everything there,” you explain, running your fingers through his hair.

“but i don’t want to lose you, daddy,” theo ran to charles, making the monegasque lose his balance, falling down on his back with theo on top of him, that made the boy laugh.

“you won’t lose me, theo. i have stuff to do, but i promise you that as soon as i’m done, i will come back here for you, okay?” charles said as he leaned forward, still sitting on the ground with theo on his lap. theo threw his arms around charles’ neck. “what’s wrong, little man?” charles asked.

theo didn’t respond. just kept his tight hold on charles as he stared at the wall.

“i have an idea,” charles said after a few minutes of silence. “why don’t you come with me, bub?” he looked down at theo, who was leaning on his chest. “you can keep me company while i work, how’s that sound?” theo seemed to perk up.

“really?” theo couldn’t keep a smile off his face.

“yeah, you just have to promise to be on your best behavior, okay?” charles smiled at him.

“i promise, daddy! everyone will know you’re my daddy now!” theo got off charles’ lap, grabbing his hand and pulling, trying to get him off the floor. once charles got up, he left the room to let his team know that theo would be joining him for the interviews and such.

“theo, come here, baby,” you said, patting the spot next to you once charles left you two alone. your other hand resting on your stomach. theo rushed to you, sitting next to you, leaning his head on your belly as puts his hand on top of yours, playing with your ring. “why did you say that you’d lose daddy?” you asked calmly, gently running your fingers through his hair.

“because i don’t want daddy to leave me now,” he said, not looking at you.

“what do you mean, love?” you asked, keeping your voice soft.

“i know that you need a daddy and a mommy to make a baby, and i know that daddy didn’t make me, so that means i have a different daddy. and now that you made a new baby, i don’t want daddy to leave like the one who made me,” he explained as if it were the most casual thing ever.

“theo, i-”

“who’s ready for some interviews?” charles barged in, smiling.

“let’s go, daddy!” theo jumps from his seat, making grabby hands at charles, who picked him up, chuckling at theo’s excited face. he noticed you were sitting still, your back straight could only mean that you were feeling anxious.

“is everything alright, mon ange?” he asked, frowning as you were breathing deeply.

you couldn’t tell him. not at that moment. so, you swallowed the lump in your throat, faked a smile and relaxed your shoulders. you nodded your head as you looked at them, theo was leaning his head on charles’ shoulder, his arms around his neck protectively.

“i’m fine, just feeling a bit left out,” you joked, standing up as you walked to them.

“don’t you worry, ma chérie, we’ll only be gone for a little while, isn’t that right, theo?” theo placed an arm around your back with his free arm.

“yes, mommy, i go with daddy now and we watch the race later,”

“okay, you two. go, have fun. i’ll be right here,” you ushered them out of the room, wanting to be alone so you could think about what to do now.

how could he figure this out at just five years old?

you’d already explained to him the truth about charles not being his biological father, but theo knew that charles was his daddy, who loved him endlessly and with his entire heart, and that seemed to be enough for theo.

you walked downstairs, suddenly feeling trapped in the four walls of charles’ room. you grabbed a cooled water bottle, downing half of it in one go as you felt someone sitting beside you.

“how’s little ava?” arthur asked. “you look like you’re in pain,” he chuckled.

“she’s asleep, i think,” you rubbed a hand over your stomach as you played with the bottle. “it’s theo…”

“i saw him out there, clinging to charles like a koala,” he smiled, you nodded, lips barely curling into a smile.

“he didn’t want to let him go. don’t tell charles, not before the race, at least,” you said, looking around you, making sure no one was paying attention to you two.

“what’s wrong?” arthur asked, leaning forward, a small frown on his face as he scanned your worried expression.

“theo said that- that he didn’t want to lose charles. but when i asked him what he meant by that-” you repeat what theo had said, frowning. once you finished, your mouth felt dry, so you drank the rest of the water, you foot tapping against the floor repeatedly.

“whoa,” was all arthur said, his mind still processing it.

“i know,” you muttered, looking at the screen, that showed a smiling charles, holding theo in his arms, the boy was leaning his head on his father’s shoulder as he played with the collar of charles’ shirt. "they love each other so much…"

"don't stress about it, i'm sure theo will forget it after a while," arthur smiled at you, trying to ease your worry as he tapped the back of your hand comfortingly. you nodded, watching as charles kept going with the interview, pierre playing with theo behind him.

"uncle p! why are you here?" theo asked, he was too excited about being with charles that he forgot why he was there.

"i'm here to beat your dad!" pierre laughed as he crouched in front of theo, who gasped, covering his mouth with his hand.

"no! daddy wins the race!" theo declared, laughing as he crossed his little arms over his chest, nodding in affirmation. 

as the rest of the drivers heard theo’s voice, it took them a few seconds to realize that theo was talking about charles. his last name on the back of theo’s shirt was a dead give away. pierre noticed the curious eyes looking over at theo, so he grabbed the boy in his arms.

“looks like someone’s stealing the spotlight,” the reporter told charles as they finished the interview, pointing to theo, who was currently winning a thumb war against daniel ricciardo. the tall aussie had a serious look on his face, trying to pull his thumb away from under theo’s grip. pierre, who was still holding him, was smiling in amusement as he cheered theo on.

“time!” pierre said as theo finally let go of daniel, who was staring at him in a mix of shock and disbelief.

“how did you do that?” daniel asked, softly ruffling theo’s hair.

“talent!” theo declared, bringing out a huge roar of laughter out of daniel, who nodded.

“definitely your kid,” he told charles, patting the monegasque on his shoulder. “we should set up a playdate, i think he’s about noah’s age,” daniel said before walking away.

“are you making new friends, theo?” charles asked.

“yeah, daddy! i have new friends!” theo smiled, reaching his arms for him. charles took him from pierre’s hold.

you watched this whole interaction through the screen, with a smile on your face as you saw charles placing kisses on theo’s temple. you felt the baby moving inside you, and you placed a hand on your stomach, feeling her little kicks right on top of where your hand was. the movements calmed you down.

as you’d watched theo and charles together on the screens, you couldn’t help but think about theo’s biological father. you didn’t know where he was, what he did or if he still lived in the same city. but he was your past, you couldn’t waste any energy on him. he’d abandoned you and theo, so why even think about him if he’d been out of your lives for so long?

the first letter arrived in september.

two weeks after you’d gotten back from your honeymoon, which had turned into a family vacation as you simply couldn’t stay away from your babies. charles’ mom had offered to take care of theo and ava as you enjoyed your first weeks as newlyweds, but you just couldn’t stay away from them.

it was something straight out of a movie, the four of you walking the waterline, two-month-old ava watching everything around her with wide eyes, theo running ahead of you as you and charles held hands, watching the sun slowly disappear in the horizon.

the days you spent in the heaven on earth that were the maldives were absolute bliss, a so-needed break from everything, time to just rest and focus on your marriage and family. you felt untouchable, as if nothing could reach you, as if you’d finally gotten the happy ending you’d been longing for all your life.

as you got back to your home in monaco, you were taking your time readjusting to the old routines, enjoying the time you had together before theo had to start school and charles had to start the second half of the season. your first week alone, just you and ava whilst theo was at school, you received a call from your lawyer. 

“we’ve just received an e-mail from bryan matthews,” the lawyer sighed, you froze. “he’s threatening to sue you for ‘hiding the existence of his child from him’. i know this is a lie, don’t worry, we are trying to contact him and know what he wants.” her voice was calm, trying to not freak you out.

you slept with theo and ava that night.

weeks later, you received a letter in the mail.

‘theo is mine.’ was all it said, the text was printed in bold, black letters, so you couldn’t recognize the handwriting or anything. unfortunately, charles was away for a triple header, and you didn’t want to worry him. so, you placed the paper in a folder, locked it inside the safe alongside all your important papers, hanging the family portrait back in place, hiding the safe. you called your lawyer, explaining the letter you’d received, she told you to keep it, just in case.

ava, theo and you shared a room that night, and you locked the door to your bedroom as well as all the windows. 

the second letter arrived two weeks after the first one. charles was home, so he opened the envelope and read the printed text.

‘you know what i want.’ he read the words, frowning. you were walking by when you saw him standing there, staring at the white piece of paper.

“charles… there’s something i need to tell you,” you said, grabbing his hand and pulling him to the office, where you brought down the portrait, opened the safe and pulled out the folder. “about a month ago, i got a call from sylvie, she said that theo’s dad had contacted them, saying he had intentions of suing, because i apparently kept theo’s existence a secret,” you shook your head, feeling your eyes fill with angry tears. “she said they’d handle it, get in contact with him to know what he wanted. then, this came in the mail,” you showed him the first letter. “it’s him. i know it’s him. i just…” you covered your face with your hands, letting out the frustration you’d been bottling up for the past few weeks. you felt charles’ arms around you, snaking over your waist, pulling you close to him as you threw yours around his neck, hiding your face in his chest as you cried it all out.

almost four months went by without another letter, another call from your lawyer, a new e-mail. nothing. 

on the 23rd of december, you and charles were preparing the last few details for theo’s birthday surprise, throwing confetti on the ground, blowing balloons of all sizes.

“do you think he’ll like his present?” charles asked, letting out a deep breath as he finished tying up a balloon.

“he’ll love it. you know how much he loves you, this is exactly what he needs.” you approached him, wrapping your arms around his waist, resting your cheek on his chest.

“i’m really nervous… what if he says no?” he sighed, making you lift your head, and furrow your eyebrows.

“what are you talking about? charles… theo loves you maybe even more than he loves anything else in the world, this will mean so much to him. i thank the stars every day for you. you don’t know how much it means to me that you love me, that you love theo,”

“i was done the second i saw him,” he admitted, gently holding your face with one hand. “i love our kids so much. our family,” he shook his head, “i still can’t believe how i got this lucky,”

“oh, charles, baby,” you smiled, standing on your tiptoes to press a kiss to his soft lips. “we’re all so lucky to have each other. i wouldn’t have it any other way,”

“i promise you, nothing will ever come between us,”

-

the new racing season began, and it’s been one year since the world found out about charles leclerc being a family man. the monaco grand prix was a special one for everyone. not only was charles lucky enough to have his whole family there with him, but it was also little ava’s first time seeing what her daddy did for a living.

people were mental. not only was their hometown hero starting from pole position and had high chances of winning the race, they’d fallen in love with theo the year before, and now that ava was with them as well, it was almost as if you were a second royal family. 

it was a nerve-wracking thing, your heart was down to your stomach, keeping your kids close to you, holding them in one arm each. even if charles didn’t win the race, you knew that theo would celebrate as if he had. he was so close, though, with three laps to go, you were more than ecstatic with the thought that he might finally achieve a podium in his home. but then, the only car in front collided against a wall, you breathed in sharply, catching the attention of both kids in your arms. 

“what?” theo asked, looking at the screens, “where’s daddy?”

“i think he’ll pass him,” you said slowly, not wanting to jinx it.

even though the race had been yellow-flagged, the cars were still going. you took a deep breath as your eyes drifted to the screen at your side, seeing charles approach the crash site and smoothly rush past it. the air left your lungs, a smile slowly crept on your lips, you closed your eyes as you breathed in relief. even with the yellow flags, no one could catch up to him.

this race was his to win.

charles was focused, he knew all eyes were on him, he knew that his whole country had all of their hopes and expectations on him. that was enough to break even the best of the sport, but not him. he would’ve been more than happy to just get a podium at his home, but seeing the race leader against the wall, letting him pass by in a breeze, brought out many emotions that he’d buried deep down to keep his cool during the race.

he could hear the roar of the crowd as the final lap started. the cars behind him were too far away to really fight the win, all he had to do was keep the car under his control, don’t get distracted, and cross the finish line. 

winning his home grand prix was a feeling like no other. charles had felt many joys in his lifetime. his wedding, meeting you for the first time, meeting his son and daughter. having his son accept him as his dad completely, legally and in his heart. if he allowed himself to be a little selfish, this win was definitely up there. 

pictures of your family were plastered all over the news after that day, on printed magazines and online, there wasn’t a single news outlet that didn’t have  charles holding both of his kids in his arms, all three of them on the podium, with theo holding the trophy in his hands. you’d arrived just in time to grab your kids from charles’ hold right before the champagne celebration.

-

it was a week after the grand prix, the buzz of charles’ win was still palpable in your home, you couldn’t be more proud of charles, couldn’t believe he was yours. 

it was a quiet morning, you were feeding ava in the kitchen as soft piano notes invaded the apartment. charles was teaching theo how to play the piano, you were surprised that theo had picked it up quite easily. a knock on the door made you look up from ava, who was sitting on the counter in her chair. you grabbed her and walked to the door.

“arthur!” you smiled, you weren’t expecting him there. “come on in,” you moved to the side, your child extending her arms so she could hug her godfather. 

“hi, miss ava,” he cooed, kissing her cheek, your daughter giggled. 

“uncle king!” the little piano man ran to his favorite uncle (don’t tell pierre) and hugged his legs.

you were catching up with arthur when you felt a pair of arms hugging you from behind, you leaned back against charles, watching as both of your kids were demanding arthur’s attention.

“uncle king, stay here. i want to show you something!” theo said as he ran to his room. you watched him leave, smiling.

“i guess the piano didn’t take much of his energy after all,” you chuckled. charles opened his mouth to speak, but was interrupted by another knock on the door.

“is lorenzo coming, too?” you asked as you opened the door. 

it wasn’t lorenzo. it was someone you never thought you’d see again. a coward who ran away when he found out he had a child on the way.

“long time no see,” his voice made you shiver. you felt a hand on your back.

“who are you?” charles asked, stepping forward. 

“uncle king, look what my dad bought me!” you held your breath as you heard theo coming back. he couldn’t see him.

“that’s my-”

“arthur,” you interrupted him, you turned your head around. arthur stood there, with ava in his arms and theo by his feet. with just one look at you, he knew something was wrong. he nodded, then grabbed theo’s hand and walked away. you let out a deep breath of relief now that they were gone. you didn’t want the man in front of you to see your children.

“what do you want?” charles asked, keeping one hand around you.

“i just want my kid,” he said, it made your blood boil.

“he’s not your kid,” you said, surprising yourself. the words slipped out with no sign of all the emotions you felt inside. “you lost that privilege the moment you walked out on me.”

“come on, baby,” he took a step forward, but stopped when charles put a hand on his chest. “oh, you’ve got a bodyguard now?” he asked, a cinic smile on his face. “you really want your kid to grow up without a father? what about when he grows up… finds out that i, his real father, came back looking for him, and you denied him that?”

“he has a father.” you said, “he doesn’t even know you exist, he doesn’t need you. charles is his father, in every sense of the word.”

“his birth certificate doesn’t say so,” he pulled out a folded piece of paper out of his jacket pocket, it was a copy of theo’s birth certificate. 

“where did you get this?” charles asked, snatching the paper from him.

“you really didn’t think it through when you got involved with this one, did you?” he said. “you just wanted the money, forgot about the ugly side of fame, didn’t you?”

“shut up. we all know that you’re not really interested in being part of his life,” you didn’t want to say theo’s name in front of him. you knew he knew what his name was, but you felt that, if you said it, it would make everything feel real. “what do you really want?”

“no,” charles said, “he has no right to come here and start demanding things.”

“oh, but you wouldn’t want me to go to news outlets and tell everyone my side of the story, would you? how you left without a word in the middle of the night and didn’t even tell me about the existence of my kid, how i looked for you everywhere and was heartbroken to see my little boy in another man’s arms,”

“that’s bullshit!” you said. “you were the one who walked away from me, from us. you’re the coward who abandoned me and left me to fight all alone so i could give my son a good future.”

“it’ll be your word against mine, then…” he raised an eyebrow and charles wanted nothing more than to slap the smug grin out of his face. “unless,” he started, “you made a good pick. the french prince here could be the answer to all your problems.” he smiled, “i want three million in my bank account by tomorrow.”

“oh, you pathetic piece of shit! money? all of this because you want money? you’re unbelievable.” you said.

“give me the three million and i’ll keep my mouth shut, if not… i think tmz will pay a lot for this juicy exclusive,”

“what exactly…” charles said, “what exactly is your plan?” he asked, “you’re just going to go there and show them this obviously fake document… and then what?”

“if i can’t have him… then i might as well ruin your career and reputation. because how could you take away my legal rights as a father away from me?”

“see, that’s the thing. you have none of that. you might have been the sperm donor, but you’re not his father. not by merit, not legally either.”

you let out a deep breath, knowing where charles was going with that.

december 23rd, the previous year.theo opened his eyes, seeing the sun coming in through the curtains of his room. he was happy the day was sunny, he had seen so many cloudy days one after the other that month. he liked december, he liked all the holidays that came with it, and he liked the snow. he liked that christmas was going to be the next day.

but, if christmas was the next day, that meant that day was his birthday. finally!

he removed the covers off him and ran out of his room. he carefully opened the door to ava’s room. he rushed to her crib, seeing his little sister sleeping peacefully. he extended his arm and touched her arm. he liked having a sister. he wanted two or three more.

as he walked out of his sister’s room, he smiled as he went to his parents’. he was ready to jump into bed with them, he wanted to say good morning. and he wanted cuddles. but the smile fell off his face once he saw the empty room. theo frowned. he closed the door and was about to call out for you, but remembered that ava was still sleeping. he kept walking until he reached the living room.

a gasp left his lips as he saw balloons, confetti on the floor, and other decorations hung up on the walls. theo had decided that he wanted his birthday to be cars themed. not just cars in general, but the movie cars. he liked to think that his dad was like lightning mcqueen, he -theo- was mater, of course.

“look who’s up!” he heard, and saw you walking to him with a smile on your face. “happy birthday, my big boy!” you kneeled in front of him and extended your arms. he ran to you, and you wrapped him in your arms. “i can’t believe it’s your birthday again, i’m going to need time to slow down,” you smiled as you looked at him, pushing his (y/h/c) hair out of his face.”

“no, mommy! i want to be big! like daddy!” he said, making you smile as you cupped his cheek with your hand.

“what did i do?” charles said as he walked in.

“daddy!” theo left your arms to run to charles. he picked him up with ease.

“happy birthday, theo,” charles whispered in his ear as he hugged him tightly against himself.

-

after a fun day celebrating theo, you returned home, you went to ava’s room to change her, she was already asleep, exhausted after missing her afternoon nap. when you returned, theo had already changed into his pjs as well, and was sitting at the kitchen counter.

“mommy! daddy says you have one more surprise for me,” he was tapping the counter with his hands, unable to contain his excitement.

“oh, that’s right baby. this surprise is a little different than the rest of the other surprises, it’s not a toy or something you can play with, it’s something very important,” you explained, theo nodded. “come on,” you held out your hand, theo got down from his chair and walked to you.

“daddy!” he said, extending his own hand for charles to grab. charles smiled, you could tell that he was nervous. you reached the study, and you grabbed a folder with a bunch of papers in it.

“do you remember when you said you didn’t want to lose me?” charles asked, theo nodded after a few seconds, “that’s never going to happen theo. i know that you know that i didn’t help make you, but i love you as if you were my own, because you are. you are my son, and i love you with all my heart.”

charles was kneeling next to theo, with a protective hand on the little boy’s arms.

“these papers… they just make it all official. if i sign these papers, you will be my son, even though to me you already are, and have been since the moment i saw you.”

“and you’ll never go away?” theo asked.

“never. you and your mom and your sister are everything i could ever ask for, these papers will just make adult things a lot easier.”

“okay.” theo said, hugging his father. “i love you, daddy,”

“i love you too, my little boy,”

-

“theo has a father. that’s me. the adoption process took years, but last year, at last, he became my son. you have no right to come into my house and start threatening us with lies that no one will believe. now, you have three seconds to leave before i call security.” 

“this isn’t over,” he said. you scoffed. 

“it never even started, in the first place.”

he was opening his mouth to say something, but you shut the door in his face, locking it before he could even touch the knob. charles immediately took out his phone and called the security guards of the building. you watched through the peephole as he struggled against the tight hold the guards had on his arms. you let out a deep breath of relief once you realized you were safe.

charles wrapped his arms around you, and you hid your face against his chest, letting out the tears that you had been holding back.

“it’s okay. we’re okay. he won’t bother us again, i promise.” he whispered into your ear, and you nodded, trying to recompose yourself.

“i love you so much,” was all that you could say.

after taking a few minutes to figure out what your next step was, you went to look for your kids. you found arthur on the ground, with theo on top of him as he stabbed him with a toy sword. ava was watching everything from the side.

“i’m king arthur now!” theo said, you couldn’t help but shake your head. he was still a little hurt that his uncle was named like the main character in his favorite bedtime story. “daddy! mommy, you’re back!” theo said as he saw you both standing there. you kneeled and wrapped your arms around him as he ran to you. “we’re playing with uncle king. can you play with me and bava?”

bava. baby ava. bava.

“of course, my love.”

-

“bava, shut up!” theo whispered, ten-year-old ava rolled her eyes at his brother.

“you try keeping marc quiet, then,” she handed their two-year-old brother to theo. 

“bava, shut up!” they both heard a quiet, but squeaky voice say from behind them.

“not you too, rose,” ava muttered under her breath, pinching the bridge of her nose as she heard five-year-old rose talk, and it was only a matter of time before…

“bava, shut up!” there it was. lily. rose and lily, lily and rose. twins.

“great work, genius,” ava slapped the back of theo’s head, which made the twins giggle.

“bava-” marc started, he didn’t want to feel left out, but ava placed her hand on the little boy’s mouth, shushing him.

“everyone shut up, you’re going to ruin the surprise.” she ordered, and all her siblings listened to her for once. it sometimes felt as if she were the oldest one, and not theo. 

“everyone ready?” theo asked, still holding marc in his arms. the twins nodded as they each held one end of the sign they’d made. “okay, one, two…” theo opened the door to his parents’ bedroom, silently praying that they were decent.

“good morning, sun. good morning, sky. good morning, mom. good morning, dad. good morning, theo, ava, lily, rose, and marc.”

they all chanted as they entered, waking up their parents. their mom rested her weight on her elbows, as she looked up at all her children standing at the end of her bed.

“guys,” you smiled, feeling tears gathering in your eyes as you read the sign they’d made.

purple letters covered in glitter, their handprints with paint, you wondered how they’d managed to do this without you finding out. 

“happy birthday, mom!” they all jumped in bed with you and charles, even theo. you were showered in kisses and cuddles and words whispered in your ear. 

“thank you, guys… you make me feel like the luckiest mom in the world,” you smiled, wrapping your arms around little marc a little tighter. 

in truth, you really were so incredibly lucky. you had five perfect, healthy and happy kids, a great husband who was always there for you, who loved you and cherished you with his entire being. you couldn’t ask for anything else. you had everything you could ever ask for or dream of. life couldn’t get any better.

later that day, as the moon made its way up, illuminating everything in a soft white beam, you felt charles’ lips against your neck.

“did you enjoy your birthday, mon coeur?” he asked, even though he already knew the answer to that.

“of course. i still can’t believe the kids made that without me figuring it out. i’m always good at sniffing when they’re up to something,” you said, smiling softly. despite all the years you’d been together, you still couldn’t get enough of charles, everytime you looked at him felt like the first time, that one time you’d agreed to go on a blind date set up by your best friend. “maybe my mom instincts are going away, or something,” you said, placing your chin on charles’ chest, looking up at him.

“hmm,” he hummed, “maybe we should do something to stop that from happening,” he said, kissing your cheek.

“like what?”

“let’s have another one?”

“another kid?” you said, chuckling incredulously, “are you serious?”

“i mean…” he started, running the pads of his fingers up and down your back, “our youngest is not a baby anymore,” he continued.

“you want the good morning and good night list to keep getting longer, don’t you?” you laughed. “you really want to have another kid?” you asked, you’d be lying if you said you hadn’t thought about it.

“if you want to, of course. i’m perfectly happy with how our family is right now, but…”

“it’s not complete yet,” you said, charles’ eyes widened a little. you bit your lip, shifting so you were now on top of him, straddling his hips with one leg on either side of him. “let’s do it,” you smiled.

nine months later, as little ava leclerc carried her new baby sister, she started counting back nine months. she was incredibly smart for her age, she was the brightest student in her class, by her own merit, you and charles gave all of your kids the freedom to excel in what was natural for them, you didn’t pressure them into getting good grades because you knew it didn’t matter. ava, though, she liked being the smartest. she knew how babies were made, and as she counted the months and reached (y/b/m), she frowned. what had happened in (y/b/m)?

then it hit her. 

“happy birthday mom,” she muttered under her breath, rolling her eyes.

-

@spideyanakin @ireallydontknowdudee @mysticalnightenthusiast

[mintmillipede]

things i noticed in the good omens 2 opening title sequence part 1

i watched this frame by frame and have had many thoughts. i'll put things which are interpretation or my perspective in purple. feel free to watch along whilst you read if you haven't seen it yet.

also couple of disclaimers which u may feel free to skip: i grew up with chrisitan iconography but am not christian but because of that i know more about that perspective of abrahamic texts so keep that in mind! i'm using guy as a vibe more than a gender but am happy to take criticism on that bc i'm not sure myself yet. also i haven't looked at any other analyses because i want this to be like a fun little puzzle so apologies for overlap/missing things/being wrong. ok enjoy!

ok, scene 1. mountain range, not sure which one but it could be a biblical reference? so possibly judaean mountains but that is a big stretch. aziraphale is coming down from the heavens whilst crowley emerges from a glowing orange crater, which looks a lot like hell especially with the context later in the intro.

they emerge behind a rock into scene 2 into a tunnel and crowley lights a match with his hell powers? this actually interests me because why use a match if you have fire powers? perhaps he's conserving miracles.

scene 3: we don't actually see them emerge from the tunnel, they're seen up ahead later. we start with an animal's skull in the foreground, and i think it's a ram. there's other ram skeletal remains later and there are various rams eating on the hills. from stage right enters: a delivery guy. they've got a delicate package. it's giving me like holy land vibes? idk i grew up christian and it's like christian movie landscape to me.

anyway the delivery guy is trailing behind a figure all in black who is almost camouflaged in the murky landscape. there's also a tree by them which i think is a mustard seed tree!!! there's a parable about it and it's the vibe of starting from small beginnings like the small little mustard seed grows into a tree which birds chill on.

the figure in black is following a couple of steps behind aziraphale and crowley, and they pass a little ram on a rock which has a fleece which reddens. rams were often used as sacrifices in the old testament and probably in other abrahamic texts. not a good omen.

a raven is on a cart with bags which look like they are full of coin. they are having a little snack. this may be about matthew 6:26 where jesus basically says don't worry so much about money look god's feeding the ravens (sometimes translated as birds in general) and they suck (bc they are seen as unclean maybe because they eat carcasses) and you're better than them. it's like god cares for fucking ravens so he's gonna care for you sinners. also they're omens of death. this will be important very shortly.

there's also some real funky looking birds with four legs on the mountain and those were not in the bible (/j idk if they are or not but i couldn't remember them and i feel like i would have). and the paths on the mountains are scrolls, suggesting maybe that the world around them is literally made of scripture.

crowley sets fire to a little bb ram and now they're all on fire it's very mean of him. no i am not colouring that in purple. i think in this context it might be to cleanse the sins of humanity?

scene 4! finally ok immediately wtf aziraphale why are you secretly a lamp??? my bf thinks this is a supernatural show so i looked it up to spite him and there's a bunch of references to lamps in the torah and talmud but bc english-speaking christians can't be bothered to learn hebrew or greek the bible has the most direct reference i could find: 'the spirit of man is the lamp of the lord'

also crowley is a vibe! not sure what gender she's presenting as here but i'm hazarding a guess as femme. blue has a bunch of meanings but none i was sure about, but i saw a bunch of references to the sky. the funky guy behind him does have a human face with a helmet of black hair i think and is carrying something big that i cannot make out. the person in front of them is giving zombie and they are in a graveyard and there's more context later imo for that being accurate.

going stage left, we have another aziraphale and crowley, not in disguise. if i had to guess, these would be muriel and another new ally who are disguised as them to take the heat off of them. i think.

everyday on a gravestone? could be a reference to the song everyday by buddy holly which has been used in promo so far. it's a song about working up the courage to ask someone out... which could signify a development in aziraphale and crowley's relationship but also could signify something coming in the plot relating to heaven/hell. on a gravestone, the song could reference the fast approach of death. could be a combo of these things too. or could be none! i am no oracle. or am i...

at the back, a bucket of pickled herring is being transported by a skrungly little guy. pickled herring does have links to jewish culture but we know there's a pickled herring scene in edinburgh which maybe more suggests scottish fishing culture (not that the two are mutually exclusive of course). the guy travelling alongside the cart with a goth vibe has a shovel suggesting he's a gravedigger.

jane austen! suggests some of her themes popping up in the show but also suggests they're around winchester cathedral, and it does look like they're going into a building but it looks more like a crypt/mausoleum to me. i tried to find more information about a building like this in winchester but i was looking on ecosia and thus found nothing.

here lies the former shell of beelzebub is a canon reason for the change of actors, but here lies adam?!?!??! i know time could have just passed, but it's still mean!!!!! maybe it's a different adam?

scene 5! i think they've entered down a secret passageway in the crypt - you can see some coffins there and i think the masonry fits well enough. we've got some more people following behind the ones who are dressed like azi and crowley. it's a bit too blurry but i've spotted a few who could be aziraphale in disguise as the odd lantern is gone - i think though he is dressed as the gravedigger now as the original gravedigger seems to have changed their garb. a few more could be crowley although crowley's original form with the blue headscarf is still there. the figure in white near the front gives me undead vibes. helmet hair guy is more visible now. we've got someone holding a lantern near the back who is a vibe (could be religious or in some way guiding the souls of the dead). they're followed by a real funky looking guy who i think is wearing a mask??? hard to tell

ok so so so there is so much around them. skeletons and gravestones suggest we're still in a cemetery. if you look on the left, it's the box the delivery guy from the beginning had!!! so many thoughts about this. mentions of a delivery are everywhere. this box is in the recent prime insta post with angel and demon feathers emerging from it. basically this is very very important, so how did it end up here? was the delivery guy buried with this on his body?

we see a web. we'll come back to that!

little feature i like the skull we see has a backbone and a ribcage which is a vibe

scene 6! a lot of ppl too many to talk about in full but def some skeletons. i think religious figures. there's a cool looking punk? too many things so many stimuli. anyway i think this is a crowd of undead people being led into hell to assist on a mission. why just the undead?

they're exiting something that looks like the crypt they came in from, suggesting it's a secret entrance to hell. might this be where hastur met crowley in season 1?

we've got a big wheel which looks like it's used for some kind of pulley contraption imo, but i don't think it would be for the guillotine unless they wanted to adapt the guillotine somehow, perhaps automate it? big stretch

we've got the pyres of files and computers and office chairs. this is a metaphor for capitalism sucking balls.

web! like before. ok so theories perhaps it's a metaphor showing the web of all of the connecting entrances. perhaps it's a big magic hell thing drawing power from everywhere to its centre. perhaps hell listens to people from webs. maybe demons can travel through webs? idk maybe one of these is 25% right. also later we see a spooder so maybe she has laid eggs?

oooh mysterious fire cave. mayb that's where satan is chilling. the inverted pentacle's outside of it. could also be the government of sorts. my boyf thinks it looks like a skeletal face in a witch hat and i think he is festering with lies.

leetle dragon gargoyle!!!! i love her she can do no wrong

i like to think we see the different stages of their headquarters. the castle was the first, the grey building is the current/s1 one, and the blueish lighting is coming from what they're upgrading to. this may also be why there's the pyres of stuff: they're doing a little clear out!

also the crushed metally thing in the foreground... i don't want to say it's the bentley.............. so i will not i refuse to be devastated before the show has even begun

scene 7: we come out of the stairs leading up to the public loos by liberty's london which is right next to soho, the implication being that that's another entrance to hell which is in fact true irl. the old-timey underground logo (probs oxford circus) suggests we're not in present day (so maybe adam is fine! or maybe they're time travelling?) which suggests we're in the blitz (ww2) because of the barrage balloon and the aircrafts. this is also suggested by the old routemaster bus.

ok we're up to 0:33! coffee break meet back in like a day i did not expect this trailer ok i have things to pretend to do

[k4katsujin]

a lonely night (miguel ohara x gn!reader)

‼️ consider this as the second part of the series‼️

disclaimer: it's still an ongoing series and i'll organize it when i will have written more episodes though i don't like the idea of a timeline bc it's like one shots and 🧍🏻‍♀️ idfk bro i js specified for clarity

this is the very first part of my lonely series! idk if i will make this series a miguel x reader only but :> even made my own tag 🦦

part two/one here !

also you don't need to read all the stories to like understand the plot they're js one shots and a good way to cope w my crippling loneliness (this is actually a call for help /srs

Warning: implied suicide (not really because it’s a cliffhanger but it may be triggering to some people idk so I’m still putting a warning.)

Also I’m not really sure abt the “don’t put words in my mouth” bc I’m not a native speaker but in case it isn’t clear I meant that reader basically said “don’t make me say what I didn’t say”

Also 2 there is no mention of gender bc I’m trying my best to like write for my fellow enby pals but jk reader will be fem bodied.

Also 3 I’m asking this once again but please reblog this if you liked it it helps small writers a lot please and fank yew

Also 4 BIG THANKS TO DEEPL WRITE FOR PROOFREADING THIS WHEN I WAS LAZY TO IT MYSELF some AIs need their ass ate fr

(ignore the random ass banner lmao)

You were chilling on a rooftop before you felt a familiar presence.

-What are you doing up this late, carino? Asked the voice.

You didn’t know why neither how, but somehow you instantly knew it was him.

The one who was known to save every universe despite everything.

He sure was a good leader, sometimes he was mean, but it was all for the sake of the many universes he had to protect.

He was a good leader for sure, but a good lover? There’s no way you could count on that.

You loved him very much and you know how painful it was for him to show any kind of affection, but tonight you had too much of holding everything inside.

He put his hands on your waist, sneaking a kiss on your lips before sitting next to you, both your legs dangling in the shining lights of the city.

The weather was cold for a beginning of summer, but it was nothing compared to the cold residing in your heart.

Your relationship was bound to come to an end, and you were here for this end to come.

-Is something wrong my love? Miguel hastened to ask when he noticed your expression was off.

-Do you truly love me? You asked, ignoring his question.

He stiffened at the hearing of your question.

-Of course, why wouldn’t I? he asked worried.

-Listen. I’m going to be straightforward with you. I’m pregnant. And I want the baby to have both parents when they grow up. And I think, with both of us being heroes, this won’t work. Don’t put words in my mouth, I do love you with all my heart and you know it. But I can’t do it anymore. (tears start falling on your cheeks but you continue anyway:)  I am grateful for all the things we lived but I think our relationship is meant to end anyway. I’m sorry but I couldn’t hold it in anymore.

You stood at the edge of the building and disappeared in a snap.

-Goodbye, Miguel.

~~~~

You woke up in a hurry, instinctively looking for your husband.

-Is everything ok, my love? Miguel was quick to ask. (he put a hand on your forehead) did you catch a cold or something? You seem to have a fever.

-I’m okay don’t worry! You say with a frank smile. I just had a nightmare but nothing to worry about I promise.

-Mm. If you say so, he said with a tint of doubt in his voice. I’ll stay in bed with you just in case something happens, ok?

Without waiting for your response, he forcefully got into your bed, which made you move.

You inevitably fell into your husband’s arms as he put his arm on your shoulder with your head on his chest, feeling his soft breathing and hearing his heartbeat.

Despite everything, the work he had, the countless nights you spent waiting for him to return home, even wondering if he ever would, the arguments, you were in love with him. And it even if it was hard, he and him only was the one you decided to love.

And that was beautiful.

[duck-in-a-thrift-store]

Full house au roommate notes pt 2

Alright, here's the second part to this post. It'll also involve a few random side notes and headcanons and whatnot

As usual, this will contain spoilers for my full house au

Ok so as I said this part is mostly about the kids. There are 7 of them split up into 3 rooms, so they had to be split 2/2/3, with one room having a bunk bed instead of a second single-person bed. They were originally planning to put all the girls together since, y'know, numbers, as well as what I said in the last part about the parents not wanting boys and girls to share rooms*

*I wanted to sort of expand on this for a moment. Personally I think it's silly- and kinda gross tbh- to suggest boys and girls can't share rooms or to assume that something would happen if they did, but it felt like a realistic thing for parents of teens to take issue with in a situation like this, considering their generally heteronormative culture. I know mine would have, lol.

Of course everyone's different about it, but those who didn't think it should matter (Joyce, Karen, Susan) didn't think it was worth arguing with those who did (Hopper, Ted, the Sinclairs). Hopper was particularly against coed rooming, since Mike was part of the equation (he's a little behind lol, mileven is not together in this au; they broke up pretty much right after the events of s4), and the Sinclairs mainly didn't want Lucas rooming with Max. Claudia didn't care either way.

As for the guardians of the "adults" (aside from Nancy & Jon, whose parents I've already talked about), they either don't care, since their kids are grown, or weren't even involved (the Harringtons are left out of the loop and don't know about any of this and I don't know if Argyle even has parents). The Buckleys are pretty chill in general and Wayne has never been one to tell his nephew what to do

However, they decided against this arrangement for Erica's sake, since she doesn't really know the other girls all that well yet, and we ended up with the actual roommate pairings, as follows

Erica, Lucas, and Dustin are roommates, since E & L are siblings, L & D are longtime friends, and E & D have more history than she has with the others (s3). I also intentionally placed these 3 on the same floor as Eddie and Steve, since those two are familiar with and important to the boys and since Steve is the "adult" Erica knows the best. (Dustin may not have an older sibling to share a floor with like Mike Will El and Erica but he does have his dads). Basically it's the Scoops Troop floor, but with Eddie & Lucas instead of Robin

That left Max and El to be roommates, which they were both thrilled about- M told E it would be like having a sleepover every night, and that they should put up a "no boys allowed" sign on their door just to piss the boys off. Protective dad Hopper enthusiastically agreed with this idea and didn't catch his daughter rolling her eyes

I also put Robin & Nancy on the same side as Max & El so they share a bathroom; seemed like that would be preferable to sharing one with the guys (not to be sexist or anything but this way the ladies don't have to deal with piss on the toilet seat or awkward questions about the "feminine hygiene products" in the cabinet. Which reminds me- did anyone ever explain to El wtf a period is??? Bc I highly doubt the Hawkins lab kids had any sort of health education and usually that's something your mom would teach you about. Idk I might address that at some point. But also- if any of the girls are having shark week problems and Robin or Nancy isn't available, they go to Eddie. I haven't decided if he's out to them but either way they know they can count on him for that sort of thing)

And then there's Mike and Will. I'm pretty sure they were always going to room together, regardless of what I had to do with organizing everyone else, because they've been practically inseparable ever since the Byers reunited with the Hawkins crew. Sharing a room is comfortable, familiar, after their years of childhood friendship. And, again, I made sure to place them on the same floor as their siblings; Nancy is diagonal to Mike, and Will is two doors down from Jon and just across the hall from El

I think that's about it for the roommate notes, the next segment might be closer looks/design details of individual rooms. Nobody asked for it but I'm having fun, so. Yeah >:3

[cerealmonster15]

scuse me i gotta go be embarrassing under the cut brb 🚶

@cosmiccoincidence @felix-the-lemon-king well FUCK ok hi lol 👋

so like images from the engtwst translation that altered my brain forever:

so like. 🧍🙈 URGHGHHHG lol. felix u may have heard some of or all of this tangent before in the dms LOL but

my attempt at long story short: friend and i were into twst well before engtwst came out, so when we saw the official translation translated cater's "leona-kun" to "leona, sweetheart," we were like 🤨sweetheart?🤨🤨🤨 jkslajKLDJL like ik it's a casual thing meant here but. however. you see LOL

longer details: me being how i am as a person™, i let this fester in the back of my brain and it gradually grew out of control. i dont like. theyre not a pair i think of when i think of My Cater Ships. HOWEVER as i do with most leona potential ships(???) they read as exes to me here JSDLFG like. me with my soap opera lenses on [they are never off. sorry.] has me running wild w/this like leona/cater having A Thing of some undefined nature like maybe last year. tapping into cater's implied vibes of not always letting people get super close / used to kinda keeping things surface level and making the most of Being In The Moment and less concerned about making lasting ties bc hes used to stuff not lasting from his moving around etc etc whatever. like cater and leona starting off w/ a bond of just quietly being in each others space [i mean caters a chatterbox LOL im thinkin those rare moments where hes like mask off kinda lethargic or something. caycays such an interesting character w/a lotta mystery in that regard but i do NOT have time to get into that so just!!! bear with me LOL JFKLSDJF]

anyway i feel like i recycle the same plotlines with characters/ocs forever but thats just too bad: cater+ leona bonding somehow dont worry about it. idk leonas a spelldrive star and caters really good at flying so They Could Bond -> somehow falling into like a Casual Lowkey Relationship where theyre like 'we arent DATING dating, no labels and mostly just hang out when no one's around but Something Undefined is happening here. they kiss or whatever lol -> they emphasize w/e they have is strictly casual and 'doesnt mean anything' -> perhaps cater emphasized the 'doesnt mean anything' part more idk -> some forbidden feelings kinda spark anyway but one or both of em are just kinda. ignoring/denying it lol -> ive had a specific image in my brain for a Long Time of like. cater kissing lion boy. then being like ✌️its ok, its just for fun dont worry doesnt mean anything ✌️ -> and like its a mutual neutral feeling At First but like eventually i think their Situation falls apart for one reason or another and theres Tension

^i said takes place the year before the game starts but i think i also had it in my mind toying w/the idea of it as like a SUMMER FLING/ROMANCE(?) that ended RIGHT BEFORE school started. or idk maybe it ended right before they got out for break. WHATEVER.

point is those screenshots are from book 2 which is still pretty early on in the school year so ive got the vibe of like "oh things are still awkward between them, the 'breakup' is still relatively fresh, and leona feels bitter about it and is playing extra hardball with these guys and also harshly teasing them about it bc caters there and hes Emotional but taking it out sports style" lol. and supplementing that Specific Image In My Head^ i imagine in that convo in the screenshots w/cay being like 😔leona sweetheart plz chill😔 leona would just be like 😒well. it 'Doesnt Mean Anything' so whats the problem here 😌 😒

anyway. you maybe didnt really ask for the extra headcanon au lore whatever details but i gave them to you anyway LOL my LeoCay Messy Breakup AU. but i ALSO just like drawing them together bc cay is my fave and fun to draw, and leona is Also fun to draw 😔 my fave character cay + character i have been dragged kicking and screaming to kind of respect over time KLJFSDKLJFL every time leona says or does something that makes me think hes cool or smart i get SO MAD about it. seething at book 6 LOL SJDKLFJD twst with their damn complex characters making me Think Deeply 😒 and then i steal their deep blorbos and put them in my funny little barbie dreamhouse soap opera recycled romance drama plotline loop forever and ever and ev

ahem. so yea on the surface. pair that probs would never ever work out HOWEVER it's MY mind palace and i can make up whatever silly rules i want!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[frecklystars]

So I just went to see the Fall Guy and it was amazing! 🤩 🌟 I know you mentioned you were worried about Colt, and idk if this helps at all, but he honestly reminded me of Ken in a lot of ways, including in that he is absolutely not naturally violent at all. There is a part in the movie *extremely mild one line spoiler* where Emily Blunt mentions the time he spent 20min trying to usher a cockroach gently out of their room while she tried to get him to just stamp on it. So while he is (1/2)

(2/2) capable of violence in extreme circumstances, it is not something that would ever be an instinct. Underneath all the action, he was just super chill and loving and charming etc. He and Ken would be best buds lol. Idk if this helps, but either way I hope you enjoy the movie if or when you see it 💕🐢

oh my god ;-; turtle anon. wahh. sweetheart!!! you sent this at the perfect time. I literally just jolted awake from a really bad F/O nightmare (this has been normal for the last year and a half for me, unfortunately) and this one involved a ryan F/O that was recently added to my list... so it... felt like it hurt a lil bit extra 😞 i'm still shaking a little from it. having nightmares or flashbacks always leaves me feeling like i'm only rly lovable if it's thru violence, whether it's thru irl friendships or thru fictional comfort characters. i know i'll shake this off in a few days as always, but it's still just... very exhausting when it's over and over and over again every week. and then it just further reinforces the belief i have like "oh see?? this is 'proof' your comfort characters *want* to harm you, no matter how kind they are" if that makes sense --- anyway i couldn't sleep again so i opened my phone to scroll as a distraction, and lo and behold, you sending me a "hey guess what, colt canonically doesn't resort to violence" at a time when i'm worried about this Exact Thing makes me weepy-- in a good way of course 😭💙 this was something i very much needed to read

i'm so happy you got to see the movie!!!! and i'm even happier that you enjoyed it!!!! i feel like the only person in the world who is nervous asf to watch it but i think that's just my own personal shit i've got going on 😅 i'm going to make sure i see it on opening day (May 3rd here!) and afterwards i would LOVE if you wanted to send me all of your favorite parts you enjoyed, if you want to!! i always love hearing your thoughts <3

thank you for sending me this. that was so nice that you thought about me and wanted to reassure me ;-; i know my concerns seem very dumb bc ofc none of these characters are real, it's not like i'm in any actual danger, but my fears feel so real and fiction has always been my most effective coping mechanism - having that be skewed for the last year and a half has been one of the most difficult things for me to try to overcome. my friends taking it seriously, and sweethearts like you in my inbox very genuinely sending me encouraging letters like this, saying "hey don't worry :) [insert F/O here] wouldn't be violent with you and here's logical reasons as to why". it helps so much, you have no idea how much 😭😭 anyway i just wanted to say thank you for being really nice to me. i'm going to think about you and your kind words when i hear emily blunt say that line!!! 💙💙💙💙💙💙

[us-the-voices-and-more-voices-2]

how do you know if you’ve split? bc i (zag, hi) think someone split but don’t know who or who they split into. pls help. if you don’t know that’s ok nbd

you feel kinda different,

A) a weight is lifted off you somehow.

B) you feel weirdly different, but not in a bad way.

C) you are more capable now

because from what I know, usually people split into ANP and EP

(Apparently normal parts, and emotional parts)

so you go through a trauma? You may split off a fragment.

you can also go through a trauma but you don’t have the emotional tools or just the the knowledge to help yourself in that situation so you may split a new alter that can handle it.

like when L2 and L were still the hosts, they were not coping with anything and daydreamed our life away until they slept and then slept their life away. (Literally was awake until 4-5am and slept until 2-3pm)

they made up uh me basically, because I was the calm capable character that helped and calmed down the other character. (In the daydreams)

and I guess I split because like, L and L2 combined could not handle the stress and depression and nightmares.

and I could, so I split off. I was very different than I am now, because I wasn’t sweary, I was polite to a fault, but I was able to cope with the stressful situations and health problems the others couldn’t.

and life started to turn around for us, and I started getting a healthier sleep schedule. And for some reason I don’t get nightmares so it’s been pretty chill.

then in 2020, I split into me (pop) and poppie. Poppie at the time was very canonical to the daydreams, and I just knew that was where I was from but I existed in reality now.

and yeah, it kept happening, belle split off circa 2021/2022

and I became aware of the system circa 2021, due to Baxter just showing me.

so idk, you’ll know because there’s something new.

sorry if it’s not much help but I tried :P

[tied-ash]

DRDT AU (?) - Spoilers!!

For a while, I've had this AU thing where family members of the DRDT cast were put into a killing game - or something like it. Kind of like... they were put in a certain area for the first motive, but the first motive never happened bc of Xander, so now they're just... there.

Obviously, the AU is still under development, as majority of these characters don't even have names, and this AU will very unlikely be updated... but it's just something fun to think about.

The list will be under the cut!

So ya- here's the list

Teruko; Her Brother I headcanon that the teacher protagonist from the latest game is her brother. So yeah-

Xander; Mai...? if I remember correctly, a good portion of his loved ones are dead. Like- his family was killed in some big incident. So I generally just use Mai bc he doesn’t have many others-

Charles; Mentor I would use Charles' brother, but he's dead. So instead, I'm using his possible mentor (if he even has one). He's a very unemotional and harsh man, but one who helped Charles gain his status.

Ace; Alec Markey (Fanmade Brother) Ace's loved one usually spirals from person to person, but Alec usually ends up being the one stuck here. If you've got no idea what I'm talking about, look at my "Markey Sibling Doodles" post.

Arei; Reina Nageishi (Fanmade Mom) If you've got no idea who I'm talking about, she's also another fanmade family member I've made. Let's just say that she isn't exactly doing so well after her daughter's death...

Rose; Daisy (Canon older sister) I still need to come up with a design for her, but ya! I imagine her to be pretty chill.

Hu; Younger sister...? Honestly, I don't have anything for Hu. I don't even know if she has a younger sister. I also imagine it might just be someone whom she used to babysit, or maybe even just a little kid who’s a really big fan of her music.

Eden; Mentor It's the same kind of deal with Charles, but instead of chemistry, it's with engineering. I like to imagine that this mentor didn't like Eden at first, but now would protect her with his life.

Levi; Brother He has brothers, and according to the start of chapter 2, their relationship is not good. So imagine that you were kidnapped because of the brother you likely hate.

Arturo; Celebrity Like Charles, I'd do his sister... but she's dead. So instead, I'd imagine a celebrity that he had grown a close bond to that he did plastic surgery on. Idk...

Min; Rival? / Friend So, you know that secret where it's like "I know you're competitive, but wasn't poisoning them too much"? I 100% think that that's Min's. And imagine if Min and this rival started to actually become friends, but Min poisoned them bc they were too close to winning. But like, then imagine if they didn't actually die, and just had to be hospitalized and missed the test. And the worst part, they don't even know that Min was the person who poisoned them.

David; His Sister I mean, this one's kinda obvious, right? He has an older sister (I think she's older). I could also put in his manager, but he doesn't exactly like his manager.

Veronika; Childhood Friend I think I read somewhere that Veronika has a childhood friend? I thnk? I mean- a lot of the cast probably has childhood friends, but-

J; Ryan (Canon Brother) Again, it only makes sense, right? Her mom being there would be interesting, but I'm pretty sure she's probably closer to her brother.

Whit; Childhood Friend Okay I know that Veronika already has a childhood friend, but maybe this childhood friend could be, like, one that Whit trued to romance, but they then rejected him. So while they're still very close friends, for a while, they had a very awkward relationship. But they're good now.

Nico; Pet...? With Nico, I feel like just bringing in one of their cats would be enough. Just bring in Tractor or one of the newer cats.

Anyway, I may try to get to drawing these people and giving them names. Just think of the majority of then as DRDT ocs/headcanon family members.

Also if I ever do get to drawing some of these people, then it’ll be clear that some of them have really big inspo for design or personality from other fandoms

[foxtriestobiteandmaimandkilland]

So sleepy tired so snoozy honk shoo time but thinking of ppl whos lives r forever gonna b entangled in mine even tho we barely even make eye contact when we see each other anymore, or if we havent heard from the other in years, or if we can only ever have about 4 message long "catch up" text conversations every 6 months or so, or if we make plans weeks in advance that we both end up forgetting, and slowly drift apart. But like. Still these r ppl that r just fuckin parts of me now. The person i sat with at the local park after both recently figuring out gender and picking out names for each other, and how we havent spoken in like 2 years but their name is still the same one i suggested, and how i do use a different name now that they knew me by, but i still walk by the bridge going over the train tracks and think of them, and think of them everytime i walk into a corner store with a whole aisle of energy drinks, or think of them everytime i pass the laundromat, or think of them everytime i go up the street that shared their name or go the street they lived on that shared mine. And like. Or like, the person i fuckin grew up alongside, to only drift apart after about a decade of being joint at the hip, but still waving when we see each other in the park, asking how each others pets are, and making general small talk. And how i see her in every friend i make, just in small ways, because she was my first friend and its almost like i just find people who remind me of her. Or how theres an entire kind of flower that just always makes me smile because its her name, even if she never liked them all too much. Or the ppl who r constantly coming in and out of my life, and who we both know can never be what we were before, because everything was seemingly so perfect and now we can barely stay friends instead of acquaintances for more than a month, but summer golden hour always feels like them, even if i was the only one who loved it. And just. Idk man. People who r like. Definitely gone now. But also r just. Not. If i was more poetic, i could write smth abt this. But instead i can just say like. Shit man. Nostalgias a bitch but also its like. Its who We are bc like w/o nostalgia who tf am i. I miss the past bc its a part of me but id never go back because then id be someone else and i like being me even if i suck sometimes. If i didnt suck those ppl may not have been as impactful n shit. Ok. Rlly gotta sleep. Bc im seeing a friend tmrw if she pulls thru w plans. I doubt they will tho bc they r the least reliable in that way butttt. Whatever. Either way tmrw im gonnaaaaa fuckingggg chill dudeee. Gnight

[f-ngrl]

LAYBACKNCHILL

Finallyyyyy my LBNC label info post. I’ve been hoping to find motivation for it for a long time and tonight is the night let’s go. It may be long and much blabla but idc, you can scroll past if you’re not interested :D

Rapper Chaboom founded the label Layback Records first, and then renamed it to LayBackNChill (LBNC) later. The motto is “to live a laid-back life by making laid-back music between people who have a good relationship”.

This year they are my favorite crew (next to my other favorite crews wysd and d.o.g) and here are some reasons why

see how I just called them a crew when they are actually a label? They are more like a crew. All of them seem close with each other and they all release (very fire) collab albums between 2 or more members regularly. It feels so natural in a time where most labels‘ actions and signings are (understandably) business decisions.

even before I knew their motto I would have described them like that. Most of the members are “old” but haven’t “made it” and while I think that must be a huge pressure, they seem just really chill about everything, the music doesn’t sound try-hard at all. It’s just consistently good music.

bc of most member’s ages I personally can identify well with them :P

the music is so good obviously. It’s a group where I regularly listen to music of almost every member. This is personal again but I just like trap I think, and most older rappers do boombap, and that’s just not as exciting for me. (or at least most of the recent stuff I’ve been listening to was trap. Haven’t had time to check all their old music it’s so much :D)

Chaboom did what few hiphop labels (and by that I mean labels that actually release mostly rap and hiphop and not all other kinds of mixed stuff) achieved and signed women, 2 of them. More abt them and the other members now.

and. sorry if this post is messy, their pics not ideal etc i’m too tired. and this is just for reference for later. ah here their LABEL IG page. Follow to not miss out on releases :P

차붐 (Chaboom) | 차종혁 (Cha JongHyuk) | 1985.4.5 | rapper

Founder and CEO

Used to have a boombap style

Participated in SMTM777

Is close with VMC and others

He gave kaogaii his stage name

He was originally a producer before he started rapping

Wybh’s “Equus (remix)” was originally Chaboom’s song feat. Paloalto, Swings, Deepflow (news to me 🙈)

마진초이(Marginchoi) | ??? | producer

Not much is known about him

He usually works with other LBNC artists the most

He was LBNC’s only producer until HD BL4CK joined

songrec? idk everyone he produced more than 50% of LBNC’s music I’m sure of that. They really mainly work only with each other. Pick a random LBNC song and it’s probably produced by him. I just tried it with 3 songs and it worked. Try Leebido - DDOOK DDOOK (Feat. Chaboom, ChaMane, Don Mills)

오아이 (O.I) | 최지윤 (Choi JiYoon) | 1998.8.22 | singer/rapper

(on the left in the photo)

She usually sings but also rapped on her collab album with Wonjjang

They’re so cool check out the album, here the song Stars with kitsyojii and Leebido

리비도 (Leebido) | 이병민 (Lee ByungMin) | 1992.6.21 | rapper

He debuted only in 2019 but has tons of nice Eps

Two EPs of his own and 2 with HD BL4CK, 1 with kitsyojii and kaogaii, and 2 with Chaboom nice work

Song rec: thisineverthat (with Chaboom) so underrated. Their concept seems to be brand names and products lol free ads for those I guess. But it goes hard just listen.

가오가이 (kaogaii) | 백한솔 (Back Han-sol) | 1991.2.18 | rapper

Part of crew Hofgang with kitsyojii. They’re besties since middle school. Their concept is being childish I love that.

Participated in SMTM a lot

Has also become a YouTuber

Changmo gave him libilly merch because they’re both from Namyangju, but they never met or talked (?)

Songrec: Purple Kimchi with Viann (producer) and kitsyojii from their recent collab album

키츠요지 (kitsyojii) | 조승환 (Jo SeungHwan) | 1990.5.25 | rapper

Hofgang with kaogaii

He likes to start diss battles, first I thought it’s silly but ig it’s just for fun and entertainment (still silly xD). First Jo Gwangil for being fast and then some high schooler (I forgot) for being not that good well lol.

Also participated in some SMTMs and even Superbee’s rap academy

His old rap name was Joystick because he wanted a rap name with “Jo” like his last name, but changed it when he joined LBNC

His rap is simple I think but I really like the style. He’s one of my fav and most listened rappers these days.

Song rec for a popular song: 일어나 Remix which got featured by Dingo

Now that I think abt it, kitsoyjii and kaogaii have gotten a lot of support from Dingo in the last months, the funny concept seems to be working. Maybe you’ll see them become more popular soon

원쨩 (Wonjjang) | ??? | rapper

If you read my posts you’ll know she’s one of my fav female rappers. She has an aggressive style and a deep voice so cool

Loves anime

Read my profile post abt her here

She hasn’t released any songs since that post :( anyway, songrec: tlqkf with HD BL4CK from their collab album

요보이 (YoBoy) | 강요셉 (Kang Joseph) | 2002.10.14 | rapper/singer

He is the youngest member

Was on hsr 4

He does a lot of singing, but it’s nice

Song example: Chillin Vibe (Feat. Chaboom, kitsyojii, Wonjjang, Leebido, O.I, kaogaii) (prod. marginchoi)

에이치디 블랙 (HD BL4CK) | 현동권 (Hyun Dongkwon) | producer

The bestttt he’s my fav producer rn

He also worked with Skinny Brown and is friends with Swervy & friends

Member of team yaya

Not much is known abt him but he debuted a long time ago and is pretty young I think -> signs for genius

Have 2 monster collab songs: Seoul Forest (Feat. Don Mills, KHAN, kaogaii, ChaMane, kitsyojii, Leebido, Basick) (a new one) and Lighter (Feat. Kash Bang, Leebido, Blase, Yami Tommy, ICE PUFF, Flavordash, Dayday) (a little older)

Generally if you look at his past featurings, it’s a rich list

Can’t wait for someone to make him a namu wiki page so I can find out 1 thing abt him :D I once found out his first name by reading all the comments on his ig and checking what his friends were calling him but I forgot :(

면도 (myunDo) | 임현도 (Lim HyunDo) | 1994.8.4 | rapper

He was on SMTM a few times and on Sign here

Apparently has/had 6 ferrets

He has his own label B.A.D (ballin’ all day)

I don’t really know his music yet (his signing was announced along with a long album, but it’s not out yet) but here’s a song that got stuck in my head: myunDo, 최서현 (Choi Seo Hyun) - HOUSE PARTY

이그니토 (Ignito) | 민재기 (Min JaeGi) | 1982.9.1 | rapper

He’s the newest and oldest member (ha ha) – newest to sign and oldest in age

He’s been in khh for a long time and was more active in the past

Idk his music well yet either

Latest song he did when his signing was announced: Shocking Asia (feat. Don Malik, EK, Keem Hyo-Eun, Chillin Homie, BLACK NINE, Maddoaeji)

As you can see I once again can’t keep up. Hopefully they don’t sign so many ppl in the future because they’re such a nice gang and if there are too many people, not all of them can collab all the time. Which I hope they can keep doing bc what they make is great. I got into them slowly and then noticed one by one that all members make really good music. At least as far as I’ve gotten now.

And notice how I gave you songs where they all feat with each other? Just doing that bc I hope someone will listen (all yt links btw). But their albums and solo songs are just as great (maybe even better sometimes bc more consistent), can be listened without skipping no problem. If you want more music recs for a member just ask :) I hope you will get to like them too bc everyone who’s not listening is missing outtt ok that was all thx :)

[vynsvision]

Reviewing Vyn SSR cards bc I'm bored and I LOVE his cards a lot.

I couldn't say I prefer all of his cards to someone else's, because each of the boys have their ups and downs. What I will say is he's my favorite of the NXX boys and whenever I think he may lose my bias, I remember a few cards and I remember why he's my favorite.

Average rating: 3.8/5 stars :)

Gonna go chronological or at least the order that I read the cards.

Starting off strong with-

Medieval Suspense - 5/5 stars

This was the first SSR I ever got, and the first one I ever read. The lil guy got in my head and stayed there. Cheers.

Story summary: Vyn and MC go to this sort of LARP thing in Stellis. MC has never done this sort of thing before, but they're glad Vyn is there because he has. (Of course he has.)

Everyone gets costumes according to their roles, and they all meet again in a dining room in character to start the murder mystery. MC's character conveniently has amnesia so they're extra in the dark.

The story itself (the LARP one that the characters are playing) is super dramatic which is delicious. Its later revealed that Vyn's character and MC's character had been a couple, which I think everyone knew Except MC.

Ultimately, Vyn's character was the one responsible for the murder, but im pretty sure the rest of the characters agree to let it slide, lol.

Art is fucking fantastic, even if its a little simple. I'll always be a sucker for this card, as its the first one I ever got. Story is immaculate. Therefore, 5/5 stars, easy.

Near and Far - 1/5 stars.

Listen. The art of the third evolution is kinda sweet. But like. This and two other cards focus on Vyn's job as a psychiatrist (psychologist????) and I do not like how this card was done at all.

First off, it is about MC visiting Vyn at the Giannovyn mental center and they meet a patient with DID. On the one hand, cool that HYV knew about DID before Moon Knight. (Low bar i know.) On the other hand... I, a person who is not a system but was aware of DID before previous stated low bar, dont think it was handled that well. The patient in the card has 2 alters- one is chill and she's assumed to be a sort of host or fronting alter i think, the other has it out for literally everyone. Its kinda interesting later when its revealed how the alter was formed, but... idk. It just feels a little. Weird to me? Again though I'm not a system so my view may be irrelevant.

Another thing in a couple of Vyn's cards is that MC or Vyn are physically harmed. In this card, he gets a cut from the sister alter. I dont super love this because it doesn't seem like anyone else has this trend in their cards.

Art is nice but its just less interesting for the context and story of the card. 1/5 bc art is still well done but its just meh in general.

Heartfelt Suspense - 2.5/5 stars

This is the Lost Gold event card! Set after the end of the event, Vyn and MC are a part of a team to look for contestants that got lost during the event. They find and rescue a woman who had fallen down a rockside. Her ankle is pretty banged up- i think its sprained? She pretty quickly falls for Vyn and flirts pretty shamelessly, causing MC to feel jealous. They have bad reception for the radios to contact the staff, so Vyn goes to look for reception and supplies, leaving MC with the woman. Then MC gets fed up with the woman's pride and need for attention so she leaves. (Wtf MC) They find Vyn as they attempt to cross a rope bridge. They go back to the woman and they're all picked up by staff.

Vyn explains at some point that the woman fell head over heels for Vyn because of a sort of like savior complex due to the adrenaline. MC feels silly for being jealous.

Overall its not a bad card per se, but its not one of my favorites, either. I also. Really like MC's little outfit in this card. So cute. And Vyn's dialog with them on the bridge. Good moment.

2 stars for the chemistry of Vyn and MC even tho they're not together yet, half a star for MC's little outfit :)

A Star In the Night - 5/5 stars

First of all. CAN WE GET SOME COMMOTION FOR THE DRESS???? The third evolution for this card is fucking spectacular while the first two are so plain. The art. Incredible. The dress. Showstopping. VYN DIPPING MC????? FANTASTIC!!!

This is Vyn's birthday event card. God bless.

For whatever reason or other they're both at an event and the entertainment to cap off the evening is this fancy dance to be performed, but oops the professional dancers had to cancel! Luckily, Vyn knows the dance and teaches it to MC. They do the dance successfully. Yay.

Ok but seriously. One if the first SR cards I read was A Gentleman's Game, which was my first indication of omg Vyn isnt from Stellis? So like. I knew that hes this lil royal dickhead that knows all kinds of court stuff. And dances. And etiquette. Et cetera. But the absolute BANGERS of lines in this card. Vyn being sly about how he knows stuff, knowing it's his birthday but he makes it all about MC, his little jerk moves where he's like "I have so much authority and knowledge you couldn't even imagine. But its ok, I choose you regardless." Like !!!!!! SIR!!!!! Honestly, while I haven't read Artem or Luke's bday cards, those seem to still keep the boys as the focus of the card, confirmed in Marius's. But in Vyn's he makes sure MC is the center of attention. Its fucking spectacular. Marvelous. Incredible. Its literally amazing.

Apparently I forgot how much I loved this card.

Anyway, bunch'a stars to the art, bunch'a stars to the story, bunch'a stars to the chemistry. Thank u.

Between Good and Evil - 2.5/5 stars

Symphony of the Night event card.

Sorely disappointing card I gotta say. The art has a lot going for it so thats nice but the whole story is gaslighting a grandma about MC being possessed by her daughter while trying to find information about scammers. Ultimately, the grandma confesses she knows they're just pretending.

The story on this one is funky (/neg) and Vyn just,,, seems kinda out of character in it, especially the beginning part when he does the electric static ball thing. Like yo wtf. Creepy weird. Ick.

2 stars for the art, half a star for benefit of the doubt in case I forgot a good moment. Idk. The rating system is made up mostly. But I'm right.

Blazing Colors - 5/5 stars

Love Poem to Skadi event card.

YO WHEN I TELL YOU THIS CARD FUCKING SLAPS, (a positive phrase, btw) IT FUCKING SLAPS.

Story summary before I ramble- Vyn and MC are still on Skadi after the event so they go to this island off the coast where this volcano is. Vyn is there to visit a friend and so MC comes with. For the culture, of course. Anyway, they meet the friend who's a glass artist. Some dialog happens, I think a day or two passes, they explore some historical war ruins, they visit friend in her shop, and then boom, volcano on the island is gonna erupt. Women and children are assigned to be ferried off the island while men are directed to stay behind to be picked up by helicopters. Somewhere during this, as MC and friend get on the ferries, they both realize that the helicopters won't be able to land because of the ash and smoke in the air, so MC points out canoes and other small boats the men can row out. MC leaves the friend in charge of telling the authorities about that plan, and MC races to where the men were going to be. Meanwhile, Vyn was also realizing the helicopters weren't going to be able to land, so he convinces the authorities to go to the ruins, which are flat and big enough and high enough to be a good spot for pick up. After Vyn leads everyone to the ruins, MC arrives to the airfield to find it empty. They then realize the same thing Vyn did, and follows them to the ruins. Reunion happens and they get off the island safely before things get serious.

(Wrote this before summary and I'm unmotivated to adjust it) I'm kinda a sucker for glass art first of all. So the npc that we meet being a glass artist??? Hello. ALSO THE CHIBI ART IN THIS ONE IS SO CUTE I HAVENT MENTIONED THE LIKE IDK MEMORY THINGS YET BUT THEY BOTH TRY THE FISH AND THEYRE BOTH ICKED OUT ITS SO CUTE THEY TRY TO SAVE FACE AAAAAH

Aaaanyway, yeah, lots of cute stuff happens in this card. And the art is incredible. I dont super love the first two evolutions but I do appreciate them a lot and the FUXKING THIRD EVOLUTION AAAAAND ITS CONTEXT IM GONNA SCREEEAAAAM.

This card is perfect incredible showstopping amazing wonderful stupendous. Its probably my favorite Vyn card.

Art, story, chemistry, everything. Amazing.

Food for Thought - 4/5 stars.

Romantic Rail Getaway event card.

Listen. Slut!Vyn is always good. Idk what to say.

Vyn and MC go back to uh fake France to visit Vyn's wine making friend. Coincidentally, this wine-making friend is a hugely impactful and rich and influential person in the global wine industry. He hosts Vyn and MC but mostly lets Vyn do whatever he wants. Fab.

They harvest some grapes and they also plant a vine together. (The hoops MC leaps through for everything to be "as friends!" is silly goofy in EVERY card but I digress.) Later, Vyn gets aaaaaa little drunk but he keeps his head on his shoulders and knows better than to do or say anything to make MC uncomfortable.

MC also at some point eavesdrops on a conversation with Vyn and his wine making pal about Vyn's parents. We get a lot of Vyn and Svart lore/info in this card.

Art was fantastic, story was cute, drunk!vyn was good, yeah. Chill times :)

Neon Melody - 4/5 stars

Once again Vyn gets jealous as he misinterprets MC's attention on anyone else but him. Dumbass. (/affectionate)

MC goes to a club or something I dont remember why but they see Vyn there in a comPLETELy different outfit and atmosphere than normal. Finds out that Vyn has been in the club music scene for a bit. MC meets a "friend" of his (he's actually a patient/client? of Vyn) and this friend explains what Vyn is doing in this scene.

MC inspires Vyn to write some music about a specific subject and he dedicates the performance to MC while everyone else is gushing and vying for his attention.

Art is great, Vyn naps with his head on MC's lap, VYN RICHTER IN IDK CLUB PERFORMER OUTFIT!!!!!!, vyn being upset about not having MC's attention (chill version) and just. Yeah. Good stuff. :)

Last but certainly not least-

Flickering Moonlight - 5/5 stars.

When I tell you I was excited for this card to be completely embracing au, im telling you I was fucking ecstatic.

The art of this card is so perfect and before it came out I was confused as to how this would make sense to be dressed up like this in Stellis or Khamit. And then. Its. An au. Without any explanation or "hey is this a dream?" or anything. EVEN THE FACETIME CALL ISNT A FACETIME CALL ITS YOU GO AND HANG W VYN AT A WATER FOUNTAIN??????

The immersion. Fuck, man.

AND THE COVERING OF MC's MOUTH SO THEY DONT REVEAL THEIR AND VYN'S HIDING SPOT TO THE PHAROAH AND VISCOUNT OR WHATEVER? "gOOD GIRL"?????????? THE BINDFOLD???? THE EMBRACING AND THE "I'm do glad I found you to be the one like me- questioning the pharaoh and the gods because this truly seems a little sus" like. Bruh. I am. Gone. This card. Fantastic. Probably my second favorite.

Yeah.

Anyway, yes I have all the Vyn cards, yes I know its wild, no im not going to talk about the amount of money I've spent on this game.

Vyn Richter love of my life. How else do I end this?

[seelestia]

that's what i get for always spending time with him i guess lmao and yes ofc you're v v welcome to invade my inbox anytime you so wish <3

the two hu taos running around is sure to turn anyone's hair grey lol i can't for the life of me imagine the shenanigans you're both up to when put together /j

ah the social status gap ;;;; THAT'S 3 TROPES IN ONE HLDJSFLKSJDL OH MY LORD i can already taste the bitter angst at the tip of my tongue....

I THINK SO lol black + blue palette on ayato... and with all the signature fatui accessories... gosh. i really can't. any artists seeing this, if you ever want to draw it please tag me 🙏🏻 yeah no the moment he starts liking your presence you're locked in for life sis i am so sorry- /j

that's so fast sldkjfsldf i'm still on part 2 atm and i probably won't continue anytime soon cause of vacation plans sobsob

the rng gods blessed you with that one lollll nahh i am hopeless at building characters i tell you. i have no idea what i'm doing 80% of the time 🤣 i'm just here for the lore and music/voice and zhongli ✨

literally us:

"a child holding a bomb is two terrible signs manifested into one." i am dead, deceased, wheezing, tearing up with laughter-

oh al haitham is coming home whether he wants it or not 😈 i think i might skip 3.1 banners entirely in favor of saving up... the remelting tablet has got me hooked on ayato's playstyle so i'm eyeing for when he reruns too. probably not gonna be soon but still... also i want scara when he comes out solely bc his jp va lmao (and on that note, maybe childe hmmm)

definitely, more chars >>>>>>> constellations!!! yeah that's actually a good thinking hahah being on guaranteed is fun but also stressful sometimes.... my brother is at 60 pity rn and he actually wanted dori but he doesn't dare to pull bc he doesn't like ganyu or kokomi's playstyle lol rip

oooo strawberry and passionfruit tea, those sounds gooooood <3

i imagine zhongli very much approves of our tea addiction lol

atp, you should put copying zhongli's speech to a tee as your hidden talent 😭 i guess, this is what happens when you write for him sm, huh?? + all that listening to his voicelines, uh-huhhh 👀 i cannot blame you for that will also be me when i get ayato 🚶 (the day i start using, "ah, yes. naturally." like him is the day you'd know i've gone off of the deep end /j)

i may make your hair grey, but you will love me either way, right??? *innocently bats eyelashes* (/lh) hu tao and lia in one room would fr be the most effective aging process because i'd honestly laugh at her jokes and then add on to them 😭 also, i vividly recall that one time when zhongli did his osmanthus wine idle and i just absentmindedly responded, "i think your friends are six feet under tho". THE SILENCE AFTERWARDS WAS SO LOUD. idk how i can be both chaotic and chill at the same time (is this where my venti side comes out /j)

a love triangle with ayato and thoma is such a concept 🙏 but with a more realistic twist to it and with that, comes the harsh realization that reality brings. after all, a fairytale-like love is pleasant to indulge in; an escape, an almost surreal-like lantern of hope but you can't keep your head buried in books forever, can you? reality where capitalism reigns (/j) will always call, whether you wish to turn a blind eye to it or not. MMM, REALITY, THE ENEMY OF DAYDREAMERS *hiss* 🤺 (/lh)

fatui!ayato, what an enigma (don't lock me up, please. at least, let rin jie visit me because she'll help bail me out /j) 👀 yeahhh, you can't escape him if he's locked onto you <//3 which makes me think about how he'd be as your ex... i feel like ayato would be that smiling yet salty on the inside + passive aggressive ex. LOLLL he would 100% sneakily trip your new partner in public and extend an oh-so gracious and concerned helping hand to them (wowww, talk about sneaky).

rin jie, the only thing keeping me going with the quests is the aranara's <//3 i just divided the quests neatly, so i followed the process of completing at least one or two quests per day — THIS WAS EXACTLY HOW I DID MY STUDYING AND I GOT WAR FLASHBACKS FROM MY LAST EXAMS 😭 i love it when i apply my studying technique to long genshin quests, hehehe 🥸🏃 (/s)

who cares about meta because even at ar 50+, we're just cruising thru 🏂 does your brother beg to differ with his op builds??? we shall abandon him. (/j) i still remember when you told me he started building diluc after the new skin was released LOLLL and speaking of !! have you read up on enkanomiya's lore yet??? because remember my boy, caelin?? i think i might post his profile soon 👀 but absolutely dw if you haven't, the lore related to enkanomiya is only in the trivia section at the very end~

YEAHHHH, the way we are saving for both al-haitham and ayato 🤝 no because i was so happy when i saw ayato in the fayz trials + remelting tablet event 😭 the way he does his normal attacks, hello??? it was enjoyable being an ayato main even for a few minutes, i'm getting a taste of my future <//3 but let's wish scara and al-haitham won't be on the same banner because that shall be your true test + you're softening up to childe, it aeems??? 👀

[troglobite]

aldskjf

no one ever asks me anything. it's late, i'm tired, i feel kind of like shit, and generally speaking, nobody ever asks me anything.

sometimes that's chill. esp considering i don't really have a lot going on in my life. (and hi, if you're a mutual/friend on here & reading this, you're probably an exception and/or not someone who fits this 'problem' i've just uncovered/am talking abt. i'mt ired idk if that made sense, but it's probably chill)

but nobody. asks me how anything's going. or abt what i'm doing. or abt what i like and am interested in. or abt my life in general. or other ppl in it. or how i'm feeling.

...like nobody* (*see above parenthetical) asks me anything.

like this is just. my life.

EVERY problem i ever have, like as in any and every conflict, invariably comes from ppl assuming what i need, or how i feel, or what i mean, and not just ASKING ME.

i've said it before in therapy, but specifically just abt boundaries and conflict.

but this shit is just TRUE abt EVERY PART OF MY LIFE.

if someone asks me a question, it's a small talk question where they don't really care abt the answer. even if i answer sincerely, hoping they'll ask more.

like i'm fucked either way

either i answer a lot, in-depth, hoping that conveys that i want to talk about it--and they decide That's Enough so they don't ask any further

OR

i give a polite answer with implications and gaps/questions to be fulfilled on their end, and they ignore them

what is it about me that no one cares to ask or follow up? no one cares to listen? why am i SO uninteresting to basically everyone i know* (*again, previous parentheticals)

i try to remember to ask, but now it's like--OH. that's why i get so tired of socializing. i'm having to either 1. carry the entire conversation by asking questions and trying to offer up anything abt myself that NOBODY follows up on, or 2. listening as everyone talks abt anything and everything in the world except for ME and MY LIFE.

i have so little practice talking abt myself when ppl actually WANT me to, that i fucking panic. i don't know how to operate under those circumstances, bc they happen SO FUCKING RARELY.

hi anxiety tremors, thanks for showing up as i have a fucking massive breakthrough that DOESN'T HELP ME AT ALL.

i literally can't do anything about this. in a previous friend group i no longer talk to, this was the core issue. and i literally--i literally tOLD THEM. I WANT THEM TO ASK ABOUT ME AND MY LIFE. that was it! that if i brought something up, i'd like them to ask me abt it instead of shutting me down!

and they didn't. in fact, they avoiding asking me ANY questions about ANYTHING even HARDER.

i sort of casually talk to one of them still bc i never really had an issue w her and apparently her not with me, bc we still talk.

but like. fucking christ man even she, incredibly kind and happy to listen, commiserate, or celebrate w you as the case may be, just DOESN'T ASK ABOUT ME.

i fucking asked her abt dming for the first time! if she had fun w her grandparents over the holidays! abt bg3 and what she's playing!

and i jstu!!!! GET NOTHING IN RETURN

fucking FUCK man have i been CURSED??? what is WRONG with me??? am i just literal poison??? poison incarnate???

god i'm ACTUALLY having an anxiety attack right now this is a horrifying realization

like i'm speaking in sweeping statements about basically 30 years of life, OBVIOUSLY ppl have asked me things about myself at SOME points.

but a lot of the time, they ask me questions hoping for specific answers--and i either know what answer they want but i can't give it bc it's not true, or i fail their test and give the wrong answer so they no longer care.

like i have a SPECIFIC instance of that in my mind. right now. easy recall.

god no fucking wonder--all those quizzes--the shit online where ppl are like "how easily do you open up to people?"

the answer is barely at all AND IT'S NOT EVEN REALLY MY FAULT/ON PURPOSE??? IT'S NOT MY CHOICE???

i offer what i can and NOBODY* FUCKING FOLLOWS UP ON IT WHAT THE ACTUAL SHITTING FUCK

i forgot sometimes ppl also ask something and then just don't care abt the answer so they don't engage past ignoring me or offering platitiudes, whichever is easiest at the time

i just never noticed this. i've like. noticed it in small case studies or situations. thinking it was only ever specific ppl who didn't care.

but now it's everyone* in literally every* interaction i have. forever.

and it became starker bc...i fucking ghosted a friend group for this shit. and i went/stuck w a different one that was NOT a one to one replacement, that was inherently different. and still the same thing happened.

but now given time and space and being literally so isolated for so long. like for a few years i thought it was just. idk.

i thought maybe no one like asking abt your masters degree if they don't understand the field or whatever. and maybe that is true in general!

but then nobody. like. cared after i graduated. nobody cared abt me struggling w jobs and work.

and then i thought--well i keep saying i have nothing in my life, so surely that's my own fault, right? i just don't have anything to talk abt anyway.

but now i DO. we're moving. my health stuff is moving apace. sort of. i have a part-time "job" sort of. i've been trying out fun little projects.

i mean fucking CHRIST man i just--

i can't even get them to ASK ME ABOUT THE DND CAMPAIGN THAT I'M RUNNING FOR THEM

i've tried like a DOZEN times to get them to guess about future games, or where things are going, or what they think the Plot is, etc.

god it's the most fucking milquetoast responses, if i even get ANY. and sometimes it's JOKE responses.

i've had to give the fuck up.

and i kept thinking, well that's a stupid petty thing to be upset abt since i can't tell them anything in detail.

but i literally have to FORCE them all to listen to anything.

meanwhile rping with each other and talking about their characters? easy as breathing. never shut up about it.

nobody. asks me. anything.

unless it's about them, something i've done for them (but it can't be something that I'M excited abt, it just has to explicitly serve them), even when they ask for my advice, they never take it or listen. it never helps.

even when they ask me for selfish things i'm apparently not enough. like. fuck, man. what the actual fuck.

this is why i get so tired of being told to initiate relationships and hangout time. no amount of doing that, of sharing or asking or engaging or listening or offering, has changed anything for the majority of relationships in my life. even casual ones.

i literally don't know what to do with this information, bc in general ppl don't LISTEN to me very well, if at all. they remember some things, but not others. or they remember something abt me in a way that reflects a misunderstanding of me. like i just.

but i repeatedly REPEATEDLY ask for ppl to ask me things. to just ASK ME. just COMMUNICATE W ME. PLEASE.

and they don't. without fail.

the irony is that i've spent 3 decades getting used to this and being unable to fix it myself, so if ppl DID start asking me abt myself, i'd probably respond in a way that they hate or don't understand and want to bail anyway.

i fundamentally don't understand what it is abt me that makes me so uninteresting, so unlikable, so unmemorable, so unimportant. i wish i COULD know so i could FIX it. i've spent almost 30 years trying. and i just keep failing. so idk what to do.

well anyway

there goes the rest of my night.

i'm definitely gonna be So Fucking Normal w company over tomorrow and a possible dnd game (me as player) on sunday, or alternative possible jackbox session on sunday.

as if the muscles in my legs weren't spasming enough from stress. not that anybody* would know WHY that is since they don't fucking ask me anything :))))))) it's fine i'm not very interesting anyway apparently.

addendum:

i also love how my problem is fundamentally that everyone in my entire life has only ever made me feel weak pathetic and unimportant in so many insidious ways, where approval and appreciation for my presence hinges on whether or not i can give them something material in exchange for my presence--and so wanting to push back against that makes me sound narcissistic.

wehhhh nobody asks me abt my life or shows interest in me :(((((((

but like, that's fucked up, right? like that's NOT NORMAL right? like MOST PEOPLE ask each other questions or express more than disinterested-but-i'm-pretending-to-be-nice responses, right???

it's to the point where i fundamentally cannot see my value in conversations or relationships unless i'm doing something for someone.

where if i NEED something, i'm afraid that will make them leave me.

where i talk AT ALL abt my life, i'm met with silence or "polite" disinterest, so i just. don't talk abt it.

i'm just there to respond to ppl and ask the questions and offer the responses that i never get in return.

like trying to get me to believe that i'm Good At Things like. idk if that's helpful. bc then that's just me emotionally-monetizing that thing and figuring out how ppl already exploit me for that thing, or alternatively, how to get better at it so ppl Like Me More.

i get so mad when ppl act like making friends and facing rejection is so easy when it's like--I FACE REJECTION DAILY FROM PPL WHO PURPORT TO LOVE ME.

AND NOTHING I SAY OR DO SEEMS TO CHANGE THAT, NO MATTER WHO IT IS THAT WE'RE TALKING ABT HERE

"stop caring abt whether ppl like YOU and start evaluating whether YOU like THEM"

then i like basically nobody*, bc i would like ppl who show interest in me that's actually genuine. and that is. essentially nobody*.

i don't want to believe that's true. it has been true so far. and idk what to do to make it different.

i also think it would be absolutely fucking evil for it to somehow be MY FAULT. that, despite me working on how much i devalue myself and think that i'm worthless and a fucking nuisance taking up air, no matter how much i work on changing my habits in relationships--like

for it to STILL be MY fault. that ppl can pick up on "oh they kinda hate themself" or "they seem ashamed to be talking abt themself"

but then their response, 1000000% of the time, is to REINFORCE THOSE THINGS BY IGNORING AND BYPASSING THEM IN CONVERSATION???

so they can pick up that i am fucking traumatized but they can't "read between the lines" when i'm VISIBLY EXCITED about a topic and talking about it AT LENGTH and want to SHARE with them???

how am i the "socially inept" one when i've had to spend my entire life trying to figure people out so they hate me less? so i--

just fuck all of this. my hands hurt bc my disability sucks and i'm drowning in prolonged stress.

*refer to first parenthetical i'm not typing multiple disclaimers, my hands hurt and i recognize that me complaining abt my shit inevitably hurts someone else's feelings bc that's just the kind of shitbag i am, apparently. so the disclaimer is there. it's true. but i'm tired.