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silksandcravats · 4 years

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Training (part 2) Kylo Ren x You

Summary: Kylo has a long and brutal punishment in store for you after your behaviour this morning. Read part 1 here for context

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WARNINGS: explicit language, smut, dom!kylo, mean!kylo, blindfolds, handcuffs, collar, anal play, slight painal, mention of caning, wax play, crying during sex, PIV sex, generally a bit rough, aftercare tho don’t worry

A/N: Accidentally deleted this b/c i’m dumb so reposting. I apologise this took me ages to write but it’s here now! and it is LONG so i really hope the wait was worth it! (ps gif is basically a visual representation of what he does to you… you da helmet b.)

You managed to keep yourself busy for much of the remainder of the day. You could have any food delivered to your quarters, but today you ate at the furthest dining hall possible, trying to kill time. But it would seem that the more you tried to occupy yourself, the more you found yourself coming up blank. In fact, you couldn’t seem to remember a single hobby of yours, instead your mind forced you to relive the events of your morning again and again.

You refused to acknowledge any form of remorse for your actions, but you couldn’t help it when the anxious knot that had grown in your stomach seemed to tighten further and further with each passing hour. It was only after you had given up your game of playing busy that you were forced to face your waterloo.

You were sitting on one of the sleek lounge chairs, facing the glass wall that stood between you and the endless mass of glittering stars and indefinite darkness, when the doors opened. You listened to heavy steps enter the quarters, and you closed your eyes for a moment, collecting yourself, bracing for whatever was next to come.

“Come along kitten, we have much to discuss.” He called for you, opting to forgo any pleasantries. You took a deep breath, before standing, following his voice to another room in your quarters. Technically, it was your bedroom, but the room was so large it served multiple purposes, to one side sat a bed, two bedside tables, a door leading to the refresher, and another door to a large closet, on the other side of the room was a few sleek shelves and an excessively large desk a few feet from the wall, and between the two sides, a large expanse of empty floor.

“Bring me your collar.” he said, already holding something in his massive fist you couldn’t quite see.

You nodded, remembering to add a “yes sir” after he cleared his throat, going to collect the black piece from it’s home in your bedside table. You brought it back to him, setting it down in his waiting hand, before dropping your hands awkwardly to your side, unsure what he wanted you to do with them. He noticed this, but offered you no guidance, grabbing your chin and thrusting it upwards so he could fasten your collar around your neck. He was sorely tempted to pull it too tight, to make you gasp and turn your face a pretty shade of pink, but you would need your breath for what was to come.

Once the collar was secured he began undressing you swiftly and quietly, face void of emotion. If he was aroused by seeing you nude, he didn’t show it.

He then circled around you, stalking his prey, stopping behind you he moved to blindfold you, robbing you of your sight and encouraging you to tune into your other senses. Once it was on tightly you heard him take a few steps back from you. You stood there a few moments before you heard him speak.

“Kneel.” The addition of the blindfold made the simple task more complicated, as your sense of balance was altered. You did your best not to tip over as you fell to your knees quickly, you knew he was expecting blind obedience, and if you failed to comply immediately he would roughly push you to the ground himself.

“I must confess pet, I was under the false impression that we were making progress in your training.” He mused circling to your front again. “But your infraction today has made it apparent I have been entirely too forgiving with you. That will have to change.” He paused and could him shuffling next to you and then you felt his hot breath fanning against your ear. “You look so pretty and vulnerable like this baby.”

“Thank you sir.” you purred, grateful for the compliment.

“It’s too bad I have to punish you for being such an insufferable brat.” he sneered, grabbing your ear tightly, and standing. You winced in pain and followed him up as quickly as possible trying to ease the pressure, but he didn’t let up. He walked to the other side of the room with you staggering blindly just behind him. Using only the grip on your ear, he practically flung you forward so you fell against his desk bent over. Your hands coming to catch yourself a bit too late.

He pulled your arms back meeting them just over the swell of your ass and you felt the unmistakable sensation of standard first order cuffs locking around your wrists. You nearly rolled your eyes, wondering what he had in store for you that he felt the need to restrain you. You were left to wait for a while before you felt contact again. His hand reached your ass grabbing one cheek and crudely pushing it to the side, and then you felt his now slick finger prodding against your back door. You squeaked and tried to move forward but there was nowhere to go.

Self defence wasn’t the only training Kylo was guiding you through. He was obsessed with the idea of claiming you- all of you. And that included every hole. The past few weeks he had begun working you towards taking him up your ass, and while you found the idea of it totally arousing, the painstaking slow path towards it was a pain in the ass, literally. You hated the way it felt so cold going in, the stretch was painful, and at the end of it all it felt like there was no real relief as a plug would usually sit ideally in you, taking up space but not providing you the stimulation you craved.

Tonight Kylo had decided to use this distaste for anal training against you. You groaned at the feeling as his finger pressed firmly inside your unwilling hole, sliding right in, two knuckles deep working into you.

“I’ve got a new plug for you tonight little one,” he informed you, pressing his finger all the way in so it sat deep inside you.

“Is- is it bigger?” You asked nervously, trying your luck as you weren’t sure if you were even allowed to talk right now.

“Indeed kitten,” he answered, it seems your question was allowed for now. He continued pushing in a second finger. “I’ve skipped a few sizes, this one’s bigger than you’ve ever taken. And it’s going all the way up your ass.” you shivered at the thought.

He didn’t prepare you much more before you felt his fingers withdrawal and the tip of a cold steel plug pressing against you. You couldn’t help the grunt of discomfort that fell from your lips as you instinctively clenched tightly, denying him access.

“Don’t fight me.” he commanded calmly, pressing harder against you. You squeezed your eyes tightly under the blindfold, your entire face scrunching with discomfort.

“Don’t want it.” you complained. Suddenly the pressure stopped momentarily.

“Fine,” he relented, tone still eerily calm. “Then you can help me put it in. Hold yourself open.” Your eyes flew open.

“I-I can’t.” You tried, holding your cuffed wrists up slightly as an excuse.

“I won’t repeat myself kitten,” he warned. Not wanting to provoke him further, you elected to oblige. With a pink face and shame filling your guts, you pushed your hands back, grabbing your own ass you pulled yourself open, fully presenting your little hole to him. The position was entirely humiliating, but that was what he was going for.

“The little slut can listen,” he mused, once again lining the steel invader with your entrance. When he pressed again you were unable to resist the way you had earlier, and much to your disappointment you felt yourself beginning to stretch painfully in an attempt to accommodate the foreign object. You could already tell this one was a good deal wider and longer than any of the preceding plugs, and you felt all too sorry for yourself as you thought about how your only option was to lie there and take it.

“You are going to learn that I have final say of anything and everything that happens to this little hole, and every other inch of your body.” he lectured, pushing deeper and deeper. “This body belongs to me, you are mine, and whatever happens to you is entirely up to me. I will see to it that you learn to listen to me better than you listen to your own body. I know what is best for my pet, and you will listen to me.”

You let out a small whine as the widest part slipped inside of you, but otherwise the plug was fully seated without much further protest from you. Finding yourself too overcome with shame to fight your situation anymore. Once it was all the way, he took a moment to admire the shiny and excessive jewel at the end of the plug before batting your hands away. You worked to even your breathing as he stepped away from you, you could hear his footsteps echo as he walked across the room.

“Open” he came around to your front, placing something hard and wooden, a cane, between your teeth, you bite down, realising he wanted you to hold the implement. “We are going to try something new today, it is intended to be a punishment, although I suspect being the little whore that you are you will find some way to enjoy it. This is practice for you. It will be quite intense but you will not move an inch because I told you not to. Since it’s so hard for you to follow instructions, you’re going to hold this in your mouth the whole time. If you so much as step a toe out of line, I will cane you until I draw blood, understood?”

You nodded quickly in response to his threat, knowing full well he was not bluffing.

“Good” he muttered, patting your face and moving behind you again. He allowed you to wait in wonder as he worked behind you. Anticipation swirled in your belly as you wondered what new trick he had in store to make you squirm.

Suddenly your curiosity was answered as you felt something scalding hot drip onto the top left of your exposed back. You gasped, but fought against your instincts, remaining entirely still. The burn was intense but short lived, You felt white hot pain for the briefest moment, before the substance cooled and hardened against your skin. You quickly realised he was dripping hot wax along your back.

“How does that feel?” he asked curiously, running a line down a portion of your spine, moving lower down your back towards a region he knew would be even more sensitive.

“Hurts.” you slobbered slightly against the cane holding your mouth slightly agape, fighting your body’s instinct to wiggle away from the sensation. You yelped aloud as you feel a small puddle of wax pool in one of the dimples of your back. Oh how you wanted to arch your back in response. You found that when the wax made contact with the lower portion of your back the sting only halfway subsided when it hardened, a soreness remaining.

Kylo felt himself hardening at the sight of you. You were purring out pathetic little whines every time he splattered more red wax against your poor flesh. You looked stunning like this, clearly so desperate to move but forcing yourself to be still, to be good for him. Ever the sadist, he continued his work until your skin was practically covered, and your little whines had begun to shift into little moans. Though he wouldn’t admit it aloud, he was rather proud of your resilience, and decided to reward you by trailing his hand down to your dripping, neglected center.

“Just as I expected. Soaked.” he hummed, spreading your labia to expose your clit and opening to the cool air. “It would seem the little painslut enjoyed herself,” he ran his finger just along your opening, but didn’t give you the pleasure of entering you. “I supposed we better take care of this greedy little cunt.” he withdrew his prodding fingers, moving his hands to your wrist. He released you from the cuffs only to grasp your wrists in one of his big hands. With his other hand he grabbed the top of your right arm tightly, pulled you up so your entire naked backside was flush against his clothed front.

Once you were standing he kept his grip on your wrists but let go of your arm to reach around and pull the cane from your mouth. It was more than a little wet from where you had been holding it in your mouth and you wished your hands were free so you could wipe the drool that had run down your chin.

“I suppose this will be saved for another time.” He muses, tossing the cane to the side. His next move was to release you from the blindfold, granting you sight again. Your eyes immediately squinted and blinked, trying to adjust to the harsh fluorescents of the room again. He kissed down your neck sloppily, overwhelmed with arousal at how well you had taken the experiment. You basked in the shift of attention for a while before he pulled away from you abruptly. You whined at the loss of contact but he shushed you, pulling away entirely letting your hands go.

“Go wait on the bed for me.” He commanded, softly. You nodded moving to the bed still stark naked to wait for him while he undressed. Your attention was once again drawn to the large plug invading your back entrance, as it shifted inside you with every step you took. You wondered to yourself if he would notice if you reached back and pulled the kriffing thing out. But you decided against it as you crawled onto the bed. Of course he would notice.

He hadn’t told you how he wanted you to wait for him, so you opted to lie on your back, propped up on your elbows, watching as he finished undressing himself and moved over to you. He crawled onto the bed, hovering over you, pressing his mouth against you and you kissed back eagerly, opening wide enough that he could poke his hot wet tongue around, exploring your mouth. His hand slid down, grasping your breast and tweaking one of your nipples between his fingers, making you groan into his mouth.

You bucked your hips up into him as he twisted and pulled. “Patience,” he warned against your mouth, moving his hand to give your other nipple the same treatment. You whined, and continued bucking yourself upward against his hardened cock, trying to provoke him to hurry up and fuck you already. Suddenly he ripped away from your mouth, grasping your throat roughly and shoving your head back against the pillows.

“You don’t cum until I tell you. Is that clear?” he snarled, pressing just firmly enough to restrict the blood flow to your head.

“Yes s-supreme leader.” you gasp, knowing the effect his title on your lips had on him.

“Good girl,” he seemed pleased, releasing your neck, moving his hand down between your legs. His fingers grazed past your entrance, but kept moving further down to where the little plug sat, nestled in your back hole. He twisted and tugged at it, to which you responded with more wiggling and groans. “How’s the new toy treating my little toy?” he pulled it out so that the widest part of the plug was stretching you open again and you squeaked.

“F-full sir, really full.” you tried to respond.

“You better get used to it.” he slammed in all the way back in suddenly, making you jump. “When I shove my cock in there soon, you’re going to feel much more full.”

“Please,” you begged, his words making your pussy clench on nothing and your asshole tighten around the plug.

“Please what?” he hummed, watching you practically writhe on the bed.

“Please fuck me.” You sounded so desperate.

“Fuck you?” he asked in a mocking tone, teasing your clit, his touch was feather light but in your state it was enough to make you jerk your hips.

“Yes, yes please.”

“Have you learned anything today, kitten?” His tone is condescending.

“Yes yes! And I’m so sorry I’ll be so good, please.” you word vomit, hoping you’ll say what he wants to hear.

“You’re sorry?” he taunts, lining himself up.

“Yes, yes I’m really sorry!” you plead, shrieking when he slams into you.

“Hmm, I better see if I can fuck any last bits of brat out of you, just to be sure.” He begins pounding into you harshly, finally giving you what you want to feel. The sensation of his cokc ramming in and out of you rapidly is only further amplified by the shiny object plugging up your back hole. You felt entirely stuffed, the feeling was overwhelming. “Look at you, I’m going to make such a mess of you kitten, aren’t I?”

“Y-yes supreme leader.” you moaned, every stroke reaching a new depth within.

“Who do you belong to?” He growled, sweat beading on his forehead as he pounded into you.

“Y-you sir.” You pant. He pulled back suddenly, grabbing both of your ankles, he pulled them up and pressed them back as far as you would stretch. You felt the ache grow in your muscles as he slammed into you from the new angle. “Fuck! Kylo I can feel you in my guts!”

“Shit kitten say my name again. Who fucks you so well?” He growled as trying to get his words out straight as you tightened against him.

“You do Kylo! Shit! Kylo!” you were practically howling, tears streaming down your cheeks as the pleasure overwhelmed you. “Kylo, k-kylo please, please can I cum?”

“Hold it.” he moved his hand down toying with your clit, making you scream.

“I-I can’t!”

“You can and you will, what did I just teach you?” He wrapped his free hand around your throat twisting it away from the pillows so he could glare into your glossy eyes and watch you cry.

“Stars! I’m t-trying sir please!” you cried, feeling the familiar knot in your tummy.

“You can do it kitty, make me proud, just a little longer.” He grunted, snapping his hips into you again and again. You cried harder but nodded, watching his concentration as he fucked you into the mattress. He’d make you wait longer, but he was nearing the edge himself.

“Kylo!” You cried, the sensation was building and you knew you couldn’t hold off much longer.

“Shit, come for me angel, be a good girl and cum on my cock. SHIT!” He yelled head twitching inside of you, unloading his seed deep inside of you.

“Kylo!” You cried the knot inside of you exploded and he released inside of you, squeezing again and again as he continued rocking into you. You sobbed loudly, totally blissed out, and entirely overwhelmed.

Finally, his hips slowed, he let out a grunt, not bothering to pull out of you yet, he collapsed onto you, his heavy weight pressing you into the mattress, comforting you. He buried his face in your neck, panting and you weakly reached your arms up to wrap around his neck, still sobbing into his shoulder as you came down from your high.

“I’m here angel, I’ve got you.” He pet your head as you cried his name. You could feel his heartbeat, steady across your chest as you came down. Soon your crying was reduced to slow ragged breaths, and you seemed to re-enter your body, all too aware of the wax still stuck to your back, your wrists aching from the cuffs, your pounding head, the foriegn presence in your ass, and the overall feeling of achiness and exhaustion.

Kylo and his impressive stamina recovered much quicker than you. He pulled his weight off of you, kissed your forehead, and scooped you up, ignoring your noises of protest, he moved and carried you to the refresher. He sat down with you in his lap on the edge of the tub, leaning to plug the tub and turn on the water.

“Did so well kitten, I’m so proud of you.” he muttered, tightening his hold on you, kissing your temple.

“M’sore.” you grumble softly.

“I know baby, here.” He stood and moved you to stand on your feet. You whined again when he let go of you and pressed you slightly to lean over the sink. “Shh, just taking this out.” He hushed you softly, reaching down to work the plug out of you as gently as possible. When more sad noises left your lips, he reached his free hand out for you to grasp. You took it quickly, squeezing a few of his thick fingers in your fist every time you felt a stretch. He let you without complaining, you weren’t really hurting him, especially compared to what he had put you through.

When he was finished he tugged you up into his chest again, and you nuzzled against him. You were still wobbly from being so fucked out, but his tall, sturdy frame took on most of your weight. He ran his hand up and down your back slowly, cooing more praises to you, about how proud he was, and how good you had been. The skin to skin between the two of you was all too comforting, and you felt your eyes drooping shut to the sound of his thumping chest and the sound of the bath still filling up.

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trainsinanime · 3 years

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I just saw a post saying “fan work creators, protect yourself, bring back the old fanfic disclaimers”. Yes, the post was serious. In case you’re not familiar with it, until a few years ago, it was very common to start all fanfics with something like:

“This is just a fan work for no money. No copyright infringement intended. I don’t own anything. Biene Maja is owned by Waldemar Bonsels.”

These have fallen out of fashion. The recommendation in the post was to bring these back for fanfics, and maybe also use them for GIF sets and what have you. There is a problem with that suggestion, though:

There’s really no reason to believe that they work.

Legally speaking, they don’t change whether a work is copyright infringement or not, and they don’t change whether it falls under the (vague but probably narrower than you think) US concept of Fair Use. After all, if you remove a shrub from US Capitol grounds, which is a crime under 40 USC §§5014(d) & 5109(b), it doesn’t become legal just because you shout “no shrub removal intended”.

Most of the ones I’ve seen also tend to get the facts wrong - e.g. the rights for a TV show generally do not lie with the person credited as show runner, but with the studio, or the network, or both, or who knows. (Super technically speaking, even the “I own nothing” part is false: You do own the rights to all your original parts, which is why it is possible to change the names in your AU fanfic and publish it commercially.)

I have even seen some people argue that they might hurt, because they prove that you knew what you were doing was copyright infringement. I have no idea whether it has ever actually hurt anyone in a court case, though.

I don’t think there has ever been a court case where a disclaimer like that was relevant. Of course, that’s not the real purpose; the real purpose is to show good will towards any copyright holder who might stumble on your work and wonder whether it’s worth it to sue you or not. To what degree it works in this regards is not actually known either. Things like “do you publish this as a paid Tumblr+ post” are probably going to be much more important for anyone wondering whether to sue than your beautiful disclaimer.

Personally, I am a bit opposed to the idea of disclaimers. Not because they hurt, I doubt that, but because they give people a false sense of security, one that surprisingly many seem to still be clinging on to these days. Disclaimers are the homeopathic medicine of copyright law: They may make you feel better, but they don’t actually help.

#disclaimer i have gotten rid of all of my earthly posessions and transcended the material plane #todo proofread later

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darlingdtarot · 3 years

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5/11/2021 - New Moon In Taurus & Horoscopes For All Signs

The New Moon in Taurus is here! This is a wonderful time of rejuvenation, relaxation, and peacefulness. The New Moon in Taurus will bring a sense of comfort to every sign, and provide a space for emotional security. Work on getting to bed a little earlier or perhaps sleeping in more on days where you can afford to. Reworking your daily routine to include some self-care is something highly encouraged by the Universe. When you start taking time for yourself, you will find that more opportunities and options show up for you effortlessly! You might be listening to binaural beats, Singing bowls, Guided meditations, and Subliminals. These are going to help clear your mind immensely which is going to recharge you. Switching up your nightly routine in order to wind down easier will help you get to sleep faster. Deciding to put your phone away an hour before heading to sleep will be beneficial in aiding your sleep. Reading books, drawing, or listening to music will also encourage you to express yourself or indulge in your imagination. Make sure to take naps throughout this New Moon in Taurus also as the days might make you feel a bit heavier. This is also a great time to renovate your living space as well. Some might be wanting to invest in new bed sets, furniture, or odds and ends. This is the perfect time to do so as you will feel more energized to fix the energy of your environments. When your space is cleaned and cleansed, you will feel so much more inspired to get to your daily routine. It's incredibly important to make your space around you into your sanctuary! Doing self care during this Taurus New Moon is crucial as well!

Meditation is also going to be a beneficial thing to harness during this New Moon Taurus! Don't fret too much about if you fall asleep during your meditation ; sometimes that's what you need at that moment. Try again after being fully rested! Some are being pulled to guided meditations on Youtube such as Past Life Regressions, Connecting with/Meeting your Spirit Guides, and Spirit Animal Meditations. This is the perfect time to really work on your spirituality and to better understand who your spiritual team are!

Rituals that you can do during the Taurus New Moon:

Let's cover some of the best face and skin treatment rituals for during this time, shall we? My grandfather always said to me growing up, “Cleanliness is Next To Godliness, And Your Body Needs To Be Cleaned Like A Temple”. This is going to be a wonderful time to focus on your Glow and to Clean YOUR body like the Temple it is. The overall vibe of the New Moon in Taurus going forward though is to take care of your skin through Face Masks, Facials, Sugar Scrubs, Baths or Bath Bombs. Deciding to have a spiritual bath can also be very healing during this time also as it will cleanse you going forward throughout the rest of the month. This can be baths that are taken with your favorite essential oils, your favorite candles burning, or your favorite crystals in the water with you. Focusing on Skincare by using your favorite oils before bed – Argon, Rosehip Seed, Raspberry, Marula, Carrot Seed, or even Jojoba Oil will help you increase your confidence this month. When we take the extra time and focus it on our skin, our mental space will thank us also. Some might be deciding to do the blackhead strips, charcoal masks, or under eye patches – and perhaps you have been debating with yourself on if you should get these things lately. Spirit is saying – Treat Yourself during this Taurus New Moon, dearest! You can also take this time to do an oil treatment in your hair, leaving it in overnight so it can absorb as much moisture as possible. Coconut oil is amazing for this, but beware if you have dyed your hair with henna as coconut oil can cause your dye to run.

One of my favorite things to do is create my own bath supplies, so I want to share my favorite recipes for Sugar Scrub:

½ Cup Brown Sugar

½ Cup Granulated Sugar

1/3 Cup Salt

1 Tablespoon Essential Oil of Your Choice!

Mix and then apply to your skin and all over your body. You can also add in coffee grounds, but I would suggest using more brown sugar as a cushion as the coffee grounds can be a bit rough against your skin. Sea Salt is also optional, but I generally don't use it unless I'm making a courser salt for feet and hands. Oatmeal masks are also amazing too as they calm inflamed skin or outbreaks of acne. Trust yourself and follow your intuition on what your skin needs most. I like to make two big batches of both peppermint and vanilla body scrubs during the holiday season so I always have them on hand throughout the year. These keep perfectly, so long as you don't get any water inside of the jar itself. Keep in a plastic container and get some out each time you're ready to go into the shower or bath. It's wonderful to use courser sugar scrubs right before you remove hair as well to exfoliate and lift the hairs you are wanting to shave or wax. Some might also be getting into Sugaring more over this period too, which your skin is going to thank you for!

Some Essential Oils I suggest for skin health and the yummy smell they have are as follows:

Lemon

Vanilla

Peppermint

Pomegranate

Frankincense

Another great, cost effective and organic home remedy facial treatment for those that don't mind doing a more nontraditional face mask - take an egg from the fridge, separate the yolk from the white into different cups. Whisk both separately, but save the yolk for later. Take the whisked egg white and begin to spread on your face. Let dry onto skin, then wash off. Go back to the yolk, give another whisk, then apply and wait until it dries again. Wash face off, and enjoy your skin feeling incredibly soft! I would do this every week as a teenager growing up as it was more accessible money-wise for me than affording face masks or oils. It really works amazingly! The whole process can take up to an hour, so make sure to have your favorite songs or videos ready to keep you company!

Horoscopes for Each Sign and Element over the New Moon in Taurus:

Please make sure to check your Sun, Moon, Rising, and Venus Signs as you might resonate more with their energies. :)

EARTH: 7 of Cups – Options, Options, and More Options are coming your way, Earth Signs! You might find that during this Taurus New Moon, which is a time of introspection and rest, you have more to do than any other sign. You're taking a lot onto your plate at once, but you know that you have what it takes to get everything accomplished. Some Earth signs are going to be pleasantly surprised with a gift someone got them over this period. It's going to be something sentimental, and perhaps something you will cherish for many years to come. I'm seeing a pearl, so you might be receiving a necklace or some form of jewelry from someone you love. For other's, there's this energy of you don't need all of the riches in the world to be happy. You're focused on the joy and sentimentality in the world currently rather than material gains, which is going to make you a lot happier in the long run. For a select few Earth Signs, you're starting to realize that everyone is on their own timing. If we were to all be successful at the same time, where would the excitement be? Know as you work hard that your time is coming soon – and what you're expecting is better than all the riches in the world.

Taurus: Knight Of Cups – Self-love that leads to a romantic connection is coming your way, Taurus! This is coming after some Taurus might have been in hiding or isolation for the longest time, but you're ready to emerge. The Butterfly is finally leaving the safety of the cocoon to spread their wings and enjoy the world! This is your vibe right now under the New Moon in your sign, Taurus. Allow yourself to explore new ideas or adventures in your life. This leap of faith is what is going to not only bring you to self-love, but to a healthy relationship, too. For some Taurus, you might be scared on how to approach a partnership or connection. Don't be as this person appreciates your genuineness, and wants you to only approach as yourself. Keep loving and appreciating yourself, Taurus. You bring a lot of beauty into the world! Also, if you feel the need to stay longer in your cocoon; that's okay! But please don't forget to come out and love on those who love you!

Virgo: Queen Of Wands – This Virgo's on Fire! You're focusing on your passions and becoming dedicated to your life purpose. Because of this, People are going to be finally giving you the recognition that you deserve. Allow yourself to focus on things that light that fire underneath you! That's what's going to bring you to abundance! Some Virgo's are going to have other's being jealous about them, because you are going to be thriving during this Taurus New Moon. You're glowing from head to toe, and it's making other's feel a bit on edge. Some might have gotten used to you always being their Yes Man, that they hardly even noticed when you started doing your own thing or started shining. Those in a relationship, your partner might be the one feeling jealous with all of the extra attention you're going to be receiving. False friends are coming to the light now too, Virgo. Some might be wanting to come back to find something to gossip about or just want to get into your good graces now that you're making a name for yourself. Focus on you right now. Work on you, and be your own Yes Man.

Capricorn: 8 Of Coins – You're working hard, Capricorn! You're putting in the elbow grease needed to level up or achieve more. You might be working overtime or deciding to take more time on your hobbies. This might also give you the chance to make a career from your hobbies too! Some Capricorn's are craving nature and this is The Universe directly asking you to spend some time outside. Connect with Mother Gaia and you will feel a lot lighter. Some are being called towards rivers or creeks. It might be beneficial to pack a picnic and sit next to water for a few hours, Capricorn. Some other Capricorn's might be deciding to get into a new exercise regime. This is going to not only raise your confidence with the endorphin boost, but get your body looking tone and fit! Remember to take your time with this, and to go into your exercise focusing on the self-care that comes with it. Don't stress yourself out too much or overwhelm yourself in regards to loosing a certain amount of weight. See this instead as getting active and going! For one Capricorn in particular, people are noticing that booty. (The Tarot card in front of me, this man literally has the nicest butt haha, so I think this is a message for some.) Regardless of whatever you're focused on, things are getting done, Capricorn! Great job!

AIR: Page Of Cups – Someone has been keeping an eye on you, Air Signs! This is someone who wants to come in with a declaration of their feelings. This isn't anything big, and for some Air Signs, you might not even realize this person has deep feelings for you. This could entail them doing small acts of service, traveling to you, or opening up lines of communication more. For some this person is at a bit of a distance, or might have felt like they were. They're coming back around, don't worry! Other Air Signs are going to be focusing on their own Self-Care routine. This could include spiritual baths, space cleanses, facials, watching that new series that came out on Netflix, etc. Whatever it might be for you, you're deciding to start turning your attention towards your own care more. Pampering yourself is the name of the game over the Taurus New Moon. Other Air Signs are starting to be less critical of themselves and really start to see all they bring to the table. Good for you, Air Signs!

Gemini: 9 Of Wands – You're pushing forward resiliently, Gemini! You might have felt that you couldn't achieve all you set your mind to in the past, but here you are! You're pushing forward every day and putting one foot in front of the other. You're strong and courageous, unwavering and persistent. This is why you are in the homestretch with what you're manifesting into being! Whether this be a deeper level of commitment, more recognition at work, or a higher paycheck – you're almost there! Some Gemini's might feel as if they are being pulled in ma different directions too. Know that over this Taurus New Moon it's okay to say no or stay true to your own boundaries. You don't owe anyone anything. Other than owing yourself the life you've always desired! Finish up this cycle, Gemini! You got this in the bag!

Libra: 2 Of Wands - There are decisions to be made about the future, Libra. Are you ready to take the leap of faith towards your goals and success? You're making plans for a better future in general. You're planning to be smarter in terms of business or just providing for yourself. Libras are not going to be taking no for an answer when it comes to their dreams any longer – no. You're deciding to start taking the bull by the horns to achieve what you really want. Some Libra's will have a change of heart from what they originally thought that they wanted or needed. I'm hearing, “What I thought I wanted, I don't actually want.” Interesting, Libra! Don't feel scared to change course! Just because you might have invested a lot into one path doesn't mean you should continue down it if it no longer resonates with your story (and who you are!)

Aquarius: Knight Of Coins – You're taking your shot, Aquarius, and it's looking to be a Bullseye! Trust in your talents and know that you have all of the resources to be able to accomplish your dreams. You're leaping into success, but The Universe also wants you to pace yourself as you're going forward. Yes it's good to keep pushing forward, but it's important to aim before you decide to shoot your arrow. Meticulousness is your biggest friend right now! Make sure to weigh all the pros and cons before making decisions as well. Some Aquarians might notice themselves having the Mitas Touch going forward! Everything you touch will be Gold, and you're going to really be bringing in that coin! In any event, whatever you're moving towards, Aquarius, is going to provide you with a new level of stability. Get excited!!

WATER: Justice – Divine Justice is coming your way, Water Signs! Are you ready for a major shift in your favor? Something you've waited for is finally coming full circle. For some, it's as if the Universe kept you in the dark so that when this finally got to you it would be a surprise. You're also being asked to get your life back in balance where it might not be. Getting back into your own equilibrium is going to give you better perspective as well. For other Water Signs your friends might be helping to give you insight on what is happening behind the scenes. There might be one friend in particular that is going to confide a secret in you. I feel this is going to be something that they haven't told anyone, so really hold this close. For one Water Sign in particular, it feels as if someone is testing you to see what you would do in a certain situation. A Cancer/Libra pairing could potentially be important.

Cancer: The Sun – Happiness and joy are all yours, Cancer! You are going to feel lighter than you have in quite a while. It will feel exhilarating and will give you a pep in your step to accomplish your work throughout the week. You're going to be focusing on the bright side, and finding the silver linings even in the disappointments. Things as a whole will be illuminated in a way that highlights just how blessed and abundant you are. Some are going to be spending more time in nature, perhaps taking up a nice camping spot near a creek or river. Butterfly imagery is going to be sent to you as a sign from Spirit. Take note of what you were thinking about when you see one as it's a message! Enjoy this time, Cancer! And be at one with Nature for a while, if you can. (Even if it just means buying a new plant for your room!)

Pisces: 10 Of Coins – Success and Abundance are coming your way, Pisces! Are you ready to be financially comfortable and to finally have a leg up financially? Now is the time to start planning for any trips you would want to take as well, as your money is coming in fast. Is there somewhere you wanted to vacation? Or perhaps a local attraction you wanted to attend? Put yourself out there and seize the day, Pisces! The Universe also is saying that you are going to be receiving a lot more material items in your world as well. Some might be deciding to treat themselves to a shopping spree, a spa day, or perhaps you're getting cosmetics done such as a haircut. Whatever that might be for you, allow yourself to do it! Splurge on yourself and let yourself live in some lavishness. You are worth it after all, Pisces.

Scorpio: The Star – Scorpio, you are feeling hopeful that things are aligning the way that they are supposed to! Keep trusting in the Universe as your Manifestations are starting to trickle in. You might start to notice this over the next few weeks just how quick the Law Of Attraction works for you. You're feeling inspired to take care of your home space right now, Scorpio. You might be cleaning house and remaking you nest, so to speak. You're decorating and feeling compelled to bring more comfort into your space. Trust this and keep filling your space with things that bring your soul peace. For other Scorpio's, you're being asked to take Spiritual baths and and nurture yourself more. A few select Scorpio's will be feeling as though things are coming full circle with another individual as well. There might have been someone in the past who didn't want to give you the time of day, but now they're back. It's your call entirely, Scorpio.

FIRE: 9 Of Cups – A wish fulfillment is coming your way, Fire Signs! There is an energy of calm and peacefulness sweeping over all of you, and it will bring clarity. Whatever it is that will emotionally fulfill you, that you've been manifesting for a while now, it will be in your life sooner than you know it. Are you ready for the blessings that are going to be waiting for you? A few might be deciding to pick up a new instrument too, and this is going to widen your imagination. It will make you feel more inspired as well to accomplish your work and make that coin! For other Fire Signs, you are watching romance movies (or rom-coms) and imagining how wonderful it would be for someone to do these things for you. That person is coming! For one Fire Sign in particular, your person plays the guitar and will offer to serenade you. Let them, Fire Signs! And don't be embarrassed or shy away – you deserve a declaration of love worthy of your time!

Sagittarius: Knight Of Swords – You are making ground in your life fast, Sagittarius! You're achieving a lot, and it's really starting to show. People are noticing that you're holding yourself differently. You're feeling proud of all you've done over this Taurus New Moon. For some there is going to be communication coming in with someone that you've been waiting on. This might be someone who travels a lot, or someone who has just been focused on themselves and their own abundance. They have a lot to share with you, and it's going to intrigue you all that this person has to say. For some, this person drives a red or white car. Other Sagittarius are going to be in frequent communication with someone completely new that is entering your life sooner than you know it. This bodes well for those Sagittarius looking for a partner online or on apps! For other's you might be hearing important news in regards to your home life or finances. This is going to bring good fortune and blessings your way.

Leo: King Of Wands – You are feeling yourself, Leo! You're on top of the world, and you're excited about showing your passions to the world. You're feeling that you can take on anything and be successful at it. This is true! Spirit wants you to remember that anything you put your mind to you can accomplish over this Taurus New Moon! Some Leo's are being asked to take break and recuperate. You've been running on fumes for a while now, and Spirit needs you to recharge as your life will be speeding up even more over the next month. It will seem like everyone wants a piece of you, Leo! So get some much needed R&R before you have to get going again! Other Leo's might be deciding to branch out on your own in regards to career. Whether this be a lip gloss business, or a homemade bracelet business, you will do amazing! But remember to go for it! The majority of Leo placements will feel as if they are closing out a chapter of their life and entering a more stable footing. Don't doubt!

Aries: The Devil – Aries, you are going to be in your head a lot over this Taurus New Moon. There's something that you want to be doing, or hoped would come around, that perhaps you feel a bit bound to. For some Aries you might be deciding to start over fresh in your life, and undergo a transformation. Good for you, Aries!! Do it! There's also an energy though of being too hard on yourself, especially while trying to obtain this glow-up, and The Universe wants you to see this as a form of Self-Sabotage. Spirit is also saying, “If being critical about yourself didn't help or work, why not try being your best friend instead?” See how things change when you look at your life from a different perspective. Take a look objectively and know that you aren't as trapped as your Ego is trying to make you think you are. You are being guided by Spirit over this New Moon period to find sanctuary within yourself, and to be content with where you are. Practice yoga breathing as well as this will clear your mind. For those in a toxic relationship, The Universe is telling you not to be scared to release this. After all ; when one door closes, another one opens!

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capriciouswriter207 · 3 years

Text

(AO3 link)

Have you heard of the Forest of Lost Souls?

It’s like any other forest out there, in the way that it is indistinguishable from other forests. You may pass through at the right time and never know you were there. It’s not on any maps, after all; if it were, its name would never be remembered. It’s Lost – you are not supposed to find it on purpose, and the forest made sure of that.

You can stumble into it at the wrong moment, too.

You’ll lose your way. If there is a road, you won’t find it. Instead, you’ll walk around and hope for the best. If you’re lucky, you’ll never meet any of the hundreds of lost souls this forest is named after. Most are nameless, faceless, passive. Few are active, and you can only hope you’ve attracted the neutral spirits.

A candle in the distance, its flame dancing in the fog. You can chase after it, but you’ll never gain an inch. The candle remains as distant as it always was. Sometimes, a vague outline of a man accompanies the flame; if you want to follow the candle, never do so when the man holds on to it, for the candle has been lit for you and your inevitable end. He likes his privacy, and you should respect it.

Laughter rises from between the trees. Three voices mixing together; devious chuckles, booming laughter, high-pitched giggles. Roses may grow around you; it means they like you, and you’re their next target. Explosions may go off, but you’ll never see them. A strange energy may come over you – it makes you dance, climb trees, feel giddy. Or it’s a dark energy that brings you to the center of the forest, to a blood-stained altar, as the devious chuckle is joined by a fourth, distorted cackle that scares away or drowns out the giggles and laughter.

A maze without an exit. The entrance disappears when you lose sight of it, lost inside the smooth terracotta walls. Statues litter the paths, in all kinds of poses and stages of decay. They have the same face. Don’t stop moving, or the terracotta will claim you. Stop moving when the eyes glow red – you don’t want them to see you move. The statues are many; the statues are one. They are always willing to get one more.

The flower field is the only place you find peace; an oasis, a quiet place. The moon shines softly on the colorful flowers and mushrooms, their colors muted in the darkness and glistening in the moonlight. You may even see two translucent women who rule this clearing, one small and one tall, their voices soft and welcoming. Do mind the skeletons scattered around in the tall grass, in sleeping positions. Do mind the calming smells of the flowers intermingling, covering up the stench of death, lulling you in a false sense of security. Do mind the voices politely asking you to stay a while and rest.

You may look up, wondering what bird flies over. You may hear the whooshing of wings above, closer than any bird has ever come. You may see a shadow on the ground of a winged ghost gliding through the air. You may see a rare glint of light reflecting off of his polished blade. You are safe around him, so long as you haven’t upset him; so long as he has no idea you’re hiding in his presence; so long as his dark friend isn’t around to hunt you.

You can hear her coming, though. You can always hear her coming. Her scythe scratches against the trees, marking where she’s been. She calls out to you. Unlike her winged friend, she will give you a chance to hide. She will count down from ten and hunt you. She hasn’t seen you hide, but she will always find you, no matter how long it takes. Your only refuge is with her winged friend, whom she won’t touch, whom she won’t go near, whom she seems to fear.

The water always ripples in the lake, full of life, full of cods; beware if it is still. Ignore your sudden thirst and try your luck elsewhere. Twin spirits reside deep below, neither better than the other. She sings softly, her voice carrying everywhere you try to hide, and you are lost in the song. You hum it until water spills into your throat and you can’t swim up. When she is silent, he will appear and feign friendliness; but his arms are strong and his reflexes quick. He pulls you down. Before you can take your final breath, you realize you can still breathe through your new gills, as one of the many cods in the lake. They call it protection, safety, mercy.

On rare occasions, you may find the Palace; disjointed structures mashed together to create a hauntingly beautiful ruin that, maybe, when the lighting hits it right, could do its name justice. The only room that withstood the test of time was a golden throne room, painful to the eyes after the darkness of the forest. On the throne, a young man wearing an obsidian crown. His red eyes stalk you until he speaks friendly, until he rises from his throne, until he places his crown on your head and you wither away for his youth.

They usually come out at night, when the sun cannot scare them away and her light cannot touch them. You may pass through at the right time and never know you were there; you leave the strange maze on your right, the skeletons in the flower field are gone, no candle lures you away and the lake behaves normally. They don’t come out during the day, but that doesn’t mean they won’t try to stop you from leaving.

Have you heard of the Forest of Lost Souls?

Are you sure you’ve never been?

You don’t need to walk between its trees to enter this world between worlds. You only need an active mind, a throwaway thought, and a beating heart.

Are you sure you’ve never been?

Are you sure you’ve left?

#empires smp #i've been inspired and this is the result #what if the rulers were neutral and evil ghosts haunting a forest?#It could be the jungle but i didn't feel like specifying so...#up to interpretation #not so much angst #mostly creepy and spooky #it's spooky season and i'm in #no idea where this came from but here it is #capricious writings

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dianavronsky · 2 years

Text

30th of December

Long before she was considered her father’s weapon, Diana Vronsky danced. Not because she immediately excelled or took to it like a child prodigy, but because she didn’t. The craft required significant discipline and bodily precision, a sort of focus that meant practicing late into the night to ensure clean movements. And practice she did, far more than the other girls in her class... Five times harder. Ten times harder. Until she became the best performer on that stage and earned the right to call herself as much. Where Alexei measured his sons in their unyielding devotion to the family legacy or their penchant for violence, he measured Diana by her tenacity.

Such diligence in achieving perfection, her first test had been to strive for greatness in ballet until she inevitably fell in love with the artistry. Only then could the young blonde translate that drive into a similar adoration for the family business. While it never bloomed quite the same, her father’s lesson ran deep and she carried a similar mentality over the years which followed. Never bring a knife to a gun fight, but always be the only blade in a room of hot barreled men. The coldest, the sharpest, the deadliest.

That scrutiny is how she knows that something has been off lately–– missing, even. Though Diana cannot put a finger on the who or the what, she senses an unsteadiness inside her world. As if the most obvious realization rested at the very tip of her tongue, she mulls over any possibilities in front of her bathroom mirror with a vaguely furrowed brow. Both palms grasp at a marble curvature where she’s carefully positioned makeup and perfume, leaning forward as if the reflection staring back might offer up her own answers.

The daily routine is simple and well-rehearsed, life itself has translated into a performance of sorts, and she completes it without expression before setting all necessary parts back into their designated spots. Except for the tube of lipstick which appears to possess a mind of its own, rolling off the ledge to settle against the white tiles at her feet. It’s only when she crouches to retrieve said wayward item that hazel eyes fixate on the cabinet in front of her, suddenly compelled to just... open it. Like some deeply embedded intuition, without rhyme or reason or purpose.

So she does.

The sight is mundane if anything. A plethora of cleaning supplies and typical female hygiene products linger beneath her sink, but a particular basket attracts Diana’s hard-sought attention. And then she’s in a one-way stare down whilst silently counting backwards. One week, no–– two. It hasn’t been that long, has it? Surely her math is off and time naturally blurs in the winter months, what with securing business deals and Christmas presents. No, she’s mistaken. She must be. Even with a pseudo attempt at gaslighting herself into a sense of calm, her figure rights itself and she vacates the bathroom, then the actual penthouse with a set of car keys in hand.

A typically calculated mind turns to a flurry of activity and dates as her Mercedes practically drives itself around the back of the nearest convenience store. At least she has enough wits to enter wearing a scarf and sunglasses, mildly paranoid over the idea that someone might recognize her profile and somehow manage to piece her darkest secret together. It’s illogical and frankly ridiculous, but so is this wild goose chase for a product that will undoubtedly erase her misplaced concern. She quickly locates the intended aisle, ignoring boxes of tampons that first raised her internal flag back home, and settles upon a carton of dual pink packets. Results in three minutes.

Half an hour later and she’s back to standing against cold tile, fingers gripping the countertop with force now. It hasn’t been the full waiting period, but already Diana can see a faint second line as it darkens beneath the control. Another test... She needs to take another test. False positives are more common than people give them credit for and this is clearly one of those instances. Ignoring the unnatural tremble within her fingers as she rips open the second package, the blonde attempts again only to receive the exact same result after another three minutes.

Pregnant.

It’s all radio static from there. Frayed thoughts and broken sentences.

How could they let this happen? When did it happen? And why? Why her, why this, why now?

Even in their most frenzied of moments, they always took precautions, didn’t they? Yet while Diana’s mind replays the last month on a sickening loop, a single instance lurches forward where emotion fully overrode better judgement. A single slip where Jesse looked at her as if she were capable of being something more than a monster. More than a name, more than the reputation which clung to her heels like black tar. That beloved memory of holding him together as he broke down in her living room, whispered confessions in the dark, and a promise she fully intended to keep. Love begets carelessness and this is the ultimate consequence of a heart thawed out; one secret neither of them could hide forever.

But she can’t be a mother. Not only is the Bratva’s Underboss perhaps the most unfit person to ever take on the role, but this world–– her world is not built for innocence. Alexei wrung it out years ago and she dutifully finished the job, carving out her girlhood with a knife between pallid teeth. Truly rotten work, a type of self-ruination for the sake of family. The one already created because adding to their numbers had never been an option for someone whose life was plotted out from her own birth.

There isn’t a place for children in the business she leads and it wouldn’t be fair. Not to the child, not to herself... and especially not to Jesse. It’s telling that in the midst of this turmoil, she immediately thinks of his reaction and the horror it thrusts upon him. Of what the fallout would do to his life, how she’s gone and upended so much of it already and now takes a sledgehammer to the good pieces that remain. Their relationship always carried an inevitable expiration date, how ironic that they provide it to themselves in the form of a little pink test.

A plus sign feels like the final nail in his coffin and they haven’t even killed him yet.

#( x. self para )

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problematic-president · 3 years

Note

The spirit of jacobinism, if not entirely a new spirit, has at least been cloathed with a more gigantic body and armed with more powerful weapons than it ever before possessed. It is perhaps not too much to say, that it threatens more extensive and complicated mischiefs to the world than have hitherto flowed from the three great scourges of mankind, War, Pestilence and Famine. To what point it will ultimately lead society, it is impossible for human foresight to pronounce; but there is just ground to apprehend that its progress may be marked with calamities of which the dreadful incidents of the French revolution afford a very faint image. Incessantly busied in undermining all the props of public security and private happiness, it seems to threaten the political and moral world with a complete overthrow.

A principal engine, by which this spirit endeavours to accomplish its purposes is that of calumny. It is essential to its success that the influence of men of upright principles, disposed and able to resist its enterprises, shall be at all events destroyed. Not content with traducing their best efforts for the public good, with misrepresenting their purest motives, with inferring criminality from actions innocent or laudable, the most direct falshoods are invented and propagated, with undaunted effrontery and unrelenting perseverance. Lies often detected and refuted are still revived and repeated, in the hope that the refutation may have been forgotten or that the frequency and boldness of accusation may supply the place of truth and proof. The most profligate men are encouraged, probably bribed, certainly with patronage if not with money, to become informers and accusers. And when tales, which their characters alone ought to discredit, are refuted by evidence and facts which oblige the patrons of them to abandon their support, they still continue in corroding whispers to wear away the reputations which they could not directly subvert. If, luckily for the conspirators against honest fame, any little foible or folly can be traced out in one, whom they desire to persecute, it becomes at once in their hands a two-edged sword, by which to wound the public character and stab the private felicity of the person. With such men, nothing is sacred. Even the peace of an unoffending and amiable wife is a welcome repast to their insatiate fury against the husband.

In the gratification of this baleful spirit, we not only hear the jacobin news-papers continually ring with odious insinuations and charges against many of our most virtuous citizens; but, not satisfied with this, a measure new in this country has been lately adopted to give greater efficacy to the system of defamation—periodical pamphlets issue from the same presses, full freighted with misrepresentation and falshood, artfully calculated to hold up the opponents of the Faction to the jealousy and distrust of the present generation and if possible, to transmit their names with dishonor to posterity. Even the great and multiplied services, the tried and rarely equalled virtues of a Washington, can secure no exemption.

How then can I, with pretensions every way inferior expect to escape? And if truly this be, as every appearance indicates, a conspiracy of vice against virtue, ought I not rather to be flattered, that I have been so long and so peculiarly an object of persecution? Ought I to regret, if there be any thing about me, so formidable to the Faction as to have made me worthy to be distinguished by the plentytude of its rancour and venom?

It is certain that I have had a pretty copious experience of its malignity. For the honor of human nature, it is to be hoped that the examples are not numerous of men so greatly calumniated and persecuted, as I have been, with so little cause.

I dare appeal to my immediate fellow citizens of whatever political party for the truth of the assertion, that no man ever carried into public life a more unblemished pecuniary reputation, than that with which I undertook the office of Secretary of the Treasury; a character marked by an indifference to the acquisition of property rather than an avidity for it.

With such a character, however natural it was to expect criticism and opposition, as to the political principles which I might manifest or be supposed to entertain, as to the wisdom or expediency of the plans, which I might propose, or as to the skill, care or diligence with which the business of my department might be executed, it was not natural to expect nor did I expect that my fidelity or integrity in a pecuniary sense would ever be called in question.

But on his head a mortifying disappointment has been experienced. Without the slightest foundation, I have been repeatedly held up to the suspicions of the world as a man directed in his administration by the most sordid views; who did not scruple to sacrifice the public to his private interest, his duty and honor to the sinister accumulation of wealth.

Merely because I retained an opinion once common to me and the most influencial of those who opposed me, That the public debt ought to be provided for on the basis of the contract upon which it was created, I have been wickedly accused with wantonly increasing the public burthen many millions, in order to promote a stockjobbing interest of myself and friends.

Merely because a member of the House of Representatives entertained a different idea from me, as to the legal effect of appropriation laws, and did not understand accounts, I was exposed to the imputation of having committed a deliberate and criminal violation of the laws and to the suspicion of being a defaulter for millions; so as to have been driven to the painful necessity of calling for a formal and solemn inquiry.

The inquiry took place. It was conducted by a committee of fifteen members of the House of Representatives—a majority of them either my decided political enemies or inclined against me, some of them the most active and intelligent of my opponents, without a single man, who being known to be friendly to me, possessed also such knowledge and experience of public affairs as would enable him to counteract injurious intrigues. Mr. Giles of Virginia who had commenced the attack was of the committee.10

The officers and books of the treasury were examined. The transactions between the several banks and the treasury were scrutinized. Even my private accounts with those institutions were laid open to the committee; and every possible facility given to the inquiry. The result was a complete demonstration that the suspicions which had been entertained were groundless.

Those which had taken the fastest hold were, that the public monies had been made subservient to loans, discounts and accommodations to myself and friends. The committee in reference to this point reported thus: “It appears from the affidavits of the Cashier and several officers of the bank of the United States and several of the directors, the Cashier, and other officers of the bank of NewYork, that the Secretary of the Treasury never has either directly or indirectly, for himself or any other person, procured any discount or credit from either of the said banks upon the basis of any public monies which at any time have been deposited therein under his direction: And the committee are satisfied, that no monies of the United States, whether before or after they have passed to the credit of the Treasurer have ever been directly or indirectly used for or applied to any purposes but those of the government, except so far as all monies deposited in a bank are concerned in the general operations thereof.”11

The report, which I have always understood was unanimous, contains in other respects, with considerable detail the materials of a complete exculpation. My enemies, finding no handle for their malice, abandoned the pursuit.

Yet unwilling to leave any ambiguity upon the point, when I determined to resign my office, I gave early previous notice of it to the House of Representatives, for the declared purpose of affording an opportunity for legislative crimination, if any ground for it had been discovered.12 Not the least step towards it was taken. From which I have a right to infer the universal conviction of the House, that no cause existed, and to consider the result as a complete vindication.

On another occasion, a worthless man of the name of Fraunces found encouragement to bring forward to the House of Representatives a formal charge against me of unfaithful conduct in office.13 A Committee of the House was appointed to inquire, consisting in this case also, partly of some of my most intelligent and active enemies. The issue was an unanimous exculpation of me as will appear by the following extract from the Journals of the House of Representatives of the 19th of February 1794.

“The House resumed the consideration of the report of the Committee, to whom was referred the memorial of Andrew G. Fraunces: whereupon,

“Resolved, That the reasons assigned by the secretary of the treasury, for refusing payment of the warrants referred to in the memorial, are fully sufficient to justify his conduct; and that in the whole course of this transaction, the secretary and other officers of the treasury, have acted a meritorious part towards the public.”

“Resolved, That the charge exhibited in the memorial, against the secretary of the treasury, relative to the purchase of the pension of Baron de Glaubeck is wholly illiberal and groundless*.”14

Was it not to have been expected that these repeated demonstrations of the injustice of the accusations hazarded against me would have abashed the enterprise of my calumniators? However natural such an expectation may seem, it would betray an ignorance of the true character of the Jacobin system. It is a maxim deeply ingrafted in that dark system, that no character, however upright, is a match for constantly reiterated attacks, however false. It is well understood by its disciples, that every calumny makes some proselites and even retains some; since justification seldom circulates as rapidly and as widely as slander. The number of those who from doubt proceed to suspicion and thence to belief of imputed guilt is continually augmenting; and the public mind fatigued at length with resistance to the calumnies which eternally assail it, is apt in the end to sit down with the opinion that a person so often accused cannot be entirely innocent.

Relying upon this weakness of human nature, the Jacobin Scandal-Club though often defeated constantly return to the charge. Old calumnies are served up a-fresh and every pretext is seized to add to the catalogue. The person whom they seek to blacken, by dint of repeated strokes of their brush, becomes a demon in their own eyes, though he might be pure and bright as an angel but for the daubing of those wizard painters.

Of all the vile attempts which have been made to injure my character that which has been lately revived in No. V and VI, of the history of the United States for 1796 is the most vile.15 This it will be impossible for any intelligent, I will not say candid, man to doubt, when he shall have accompanied me through the examination.

I owe perhaps to my friends an apology for condescending to give a public explanation. A just pride with reluctance stoops to a formal vindication against so despicable a contrivance and is inclined rather to oppose to it the uniform evidence of an upright character. This would be my conduct on the present occasion, did not the tale seem to derive a sanction from the names of three men16 of some weight and consequence in the society: a circumstance, which I trust will excuse me for paying attention to a slander that without this prop, would defeat itself by intrinsic circumstances of absurdity and malice.

The charge against me is a connection with one James Reynolds for purposes of improper pecuniary speculation. My real crime is an amorous connection with his wife, for a considerable time with his privity and connivance, if not originally brought on by a combination between the husband and wife with the design to extort money from me.

This confession is not made without a blush. I cannot be the apologist of any vice because the ardour of passion may have made it mine. I can never cease to condemn myself for the pang, which it may inflict in a bosom eminently intitled to all my gratitude, fidelity and love. But that bosom will approve, that even at so great an expence, I should effectually wipe away a more serious stain from a name, which it cherishes with no less elevation than tenderness. The public too will I trust excuse the confession. The necessity of it to my defence against a more heinous charge could alone have extorted from me so painful an indecorum.

Before I proceed to an exhibition of the positive proof which repels the charge, I shall analize the documents from which it is deduced, and I am mistaken if with discerning and candid minds more would be necessary. But I desire to obviate the suspicions of the most suspicious.

The first reflection which occurs on a perusal of the documents is that it is morally impossible I should have been foolish as well as depraved enough to employ so vile an instrument as Reynolds for such insignificant ends, as are indicated by different parts of the story itself. My enemies to be sure have kindly pourtrayed me as another Chartres17 on the score of moral principle. But they have been ever bountiful in ascribing to me talents. It has suited their purpose to exaggerate such as I may possess, and to attribute to them an influence to which they are not intitled. But the present accusation imputes to me as much folly as wickedness. All the documents shew, and it is otherwise matter of notoriety, that Reynolds was an obscure, unimportant and profligate man. Nothing could be more weak, because nothing could be more unsafe than to make use of such an instrument; to use him too without any intermediate agent more worthy of confidence who might keep me out of sight, to write him numerous letters recording the objects of the improper connection (for this is pretended and that the letters were afterwards burnt at my request) to unbosom myself to him with a prodigality of confidence, by very unnecessarily telling him, as he alleges, of a connection in speculation between myself and Mr. Duer.18 It is very extraordinary, if the head of the money department of a country, being unprincipled enough to sacrifice his trust and his integrity, could not have contrived objects of profit sufficiently large to have engaged the co-operation of men of far greater importance than Reynolds, and with whom there could have been due safety, and should have been driven to the necessity of unkennelling such a reptile to be the instrument of his cupidity.

But, moreover, the scale of the concern with Reynolds, such as it is presented, is contemptibly narrow for a rapacious speculating secretary of the treasury. Clingman, Reynolds and his wife were manifestly in very close confidence with each other. It seems there was a free communication of secrets. Yet in clubbing their different items of information as to the supplies of money which Reynolds received from me, what do they amount to? Clingman states, that Mrs. Reynolds told him, that at a certain time her husband had received from me upwards of eleven hundred dollars.19 A note is produced which shews that at one time fifty dollars were sent to him,20 and another note is produced, by which and the information of Reynolds himself through Clingman, it appears that at another time 300 dollars were asked21 and refused. Another sum of 200 dollars is spoken of by Clingman as having been furnished to Reynolds at some other time.22 What a scale of speculation is this for the head of a public treasury, for one who in the very publication that brings forward the charge is represented as having procured to be funded at forty millions a debt which ought to have been discharged at ten or fifteen millions for the criminal purpose of enriching himself and his friends? He must have been a clumsy knave, if he did not secure enough of this excess of twenty five or thirty millions, to have taken away all inducement to risk his character in such bad hands and in so huckstering a way—or to have enabled him, if he did employ such an agent, to do it with more means and to better purpose. It is curious, that this rapacious secretary should at one time have furnished his speculating agent with the paltry sum of fifty dollars, at another, have refused him the inconsiderable sum of 300 dollars, declaring upon his honor that it was not in his power to furnish it. This declaration was true or not; if the last the refusal ill comports with the idea of a speculating connection—if the first, it is very singular that the head of the treasury engaged without scruple in schemes of profit should have been destitute of so small a sum. But if we suppose this officer to be living upon an inadequate salary, without any collateral pursuits of gain, the appearances then are simple and intelligible enough, applying to them the true key.

It appears that Reynolds and Clingman were detected by the then comptroller of the treasury,23 in the odious crime of suborning a witness to commit perjury, for the purpose of obtaining letters of administration on the estate of a person who was living in order to receive a small sum of money due to him from the treasury.24 It is certainly extraordinary that the confidential agent of the head of that department should have been in circumstances to induce a resort to so miserable an expedient. It is odd, if there was a speculating connection, that it was not more profitable both to the secretary and to his agent than are indicated by the circumstances disclosed.

It is also a remarkable and very instructive fact, that notwithstanding the great confidence and intimacy, which subsisted between Clingman, Reynolds and his wife, and which continued till after the period of the liberation of the two former from the prosecution against them, neither of them has ever specified the objects of the pretended connection in speculation between Reynolds and me. The pretext that the letters which contained the evidence were destroyed is no answer. They could not have been forgotten and might have been disclosed from memory. The total omission of this could only have proceeded from the consideration that detail might have led to detection. The destruction of letters besides is a fiction, which is refuted not only by the general improbability, that I should put myself upon paper with so despicable a person on a subject which might expose me to infamy, but by the evidence of extreme caution on my part in this particular, resulting from the laconic and disguised form of the notes which are produced. They prove incontestibly that there was an unwillingness to trust Reynolds with my hand writing. The true reason was, that I apprehended he might make use of it to impress upon others the belief of some pecuniary connection with me, and besides implicating my character might render it the engine of a false credit, or turn it to some other sinister use. Hence the disguise; for my conduct in admitting at once and without hesitation that the notes were from me proves that it was never my intention by the expedient of disguising my hand to shelter myself from any serious inquiry.

The accusation against me was never heard of ’till Clingman and Reynolds were under prosecution by the treasury for an infamous crime. It will be seen by the document No. 1 (a) that during the endeavours of Clingman to obtain relief, through the interposition of Mr. Mughlenberg, he made to the latter the communication of my pretended criminality. It will be further seen by document No. 2 [(a)] that Reynolds had while in prison conveyed to the ears of Messrs. Monroe and Venable that he could give intelligence of my being concerned in speculation, and that he also supposed that he was kept in prison by a design on my part to oppress him and drive him away. And by his letter to Clingman of the 13 of December, after he was released from prison, it also appears that he was actuated by a spirit of revenge against me; for he declares that he will have satisfaction from me at all events; adding, as addressed to Clingman, “And you only I trust.”25

Three important inferences flow from these circumstances—one that the accusation against me was an auxiliary to the efforts of Clingman and Reynolds to get released from a disgraceful prosecution—another that there was a vindicative spirit against me at least on the part of Reynolds—the third, that he confided in Clingman as a coadjutor in the plan of vengeance. These circumstances, according to every estimate of the credit due to accusers, ought to destroy their testimony. To what credit are persons intitled, who in telling a story are governed by the double motive of escaping from disgrace and punishment and of gratifying revenge? As to Mrs. Reynolds, if she was not an accomplice, as it is too probable she was, her situation would naturally subject her to the will of her husband. But enough besides will appear in the sequel to shew that her testimony merits no attention.

The letter which has been just cited deserves a more particular attention. As it was produced by Clingman, there is a chasm of three lines, which lines are manifestly essential to explain the sense. It may be inferred from the context, that these deficient lines would unfold the cause of the resentment which is expressed. ‘Twas from them that might have been learnt the true nature of the transaction. The expunging of them is a violent presumption that they would have contradicted the purpose for which the letter was produced. A witness offering such a mutilated piece descredits himself. The mutilation is alone satisfactory proof of contrivance and imposition. The manner of accounting for it is frivolous.

The words of the letter are strong—satisfaction is to be had at all events, per fas et nefas, and Clingman is the chosen confidential agent of the laudable plan of vengeance. It must be confessed he was not wanting in his part.

Reynolds, as will be seen by No. II (a) alleges that a merchant came to him and offered as a volunteer to be his bail, who he suspected had been instigated to it by me, and after being decoyed to the place the merchant wished to carry him to, he refused being his bail, unless he would deposit a sum of money to some considerable amount which he could not do and was in consequence committed to prison. Clingman (No. IV a) tells the same story in substance though with some difference in form leaving to be implied what Reynolds expresses and naming Henry Seckel as the merchant. The deposition of this respectable citizen (No. XXIII) gives the lie to both, and shews that he was in fact the agent of Clingman, from motives of good will to him, as his former book-keeper, that he never had any communication with me concerning either of them till after they were both in custody, that when he came as a messenger to me from one of them, I not only declined interposing in their behalf, but informed Mr. Seckel that they had been guilty of a crime and advised him to have nothing to do with them.

This single fact goes far to invalidate the whole story. It shews p[l]ainly the disregard of truth and the malice by which the parties were actuated. Other important inferences are to be drawn from the transaction. Had I been conscious that I had any thing to fear from Reynolds of the nature which has been pretended, should I have warned Mr. Seckel against having any thing to do with them? Should I not rather have encouraged him to have come to their assistance? Should I not have been eager to promote their liberation? But this is not the only instance, in which I acted a contrary part. Clingman testifies in No. V. that I would not permit Fraunces a clerk in my office to become their bail, but signified to him that if he did it, he must quit the department.26

Clingman states in No. IV. (a) that my note in answer to Reynolds’ application for a loan towards a subscription to the Lancaster Turnpike was in his possession from about the time it was written (June 1792.) This circumstance, apparently trivial, is very explanatory. To what end had Clingman the custody of this note all that time if it was not part of a project to lay the foundation for some false accusation?

It appears from No. V.27 that Fraunces had said, or was stated to have said, something to my prejudice. If my memory serves me aright, it was that he had been my agent in some speculations. When Fraunces was interrogated concerning it, he absolutely denied that he had said any thing of the kind. The charge which this same Fraunces afterwards preferred against me to the House of Representatives, and the fate of it, have been already mentioned. It is illustrative of the nature of the combination which was formed against me.

There are other features in the documents which are relied upon to constitute the charge against me, that are of a nature to corroborate the inference to be drawn from the particulars which have been noticed. But there is no need to be over minute. I am much mistaken if the view which has been taken of the subject is not sufficient, without any thing further, to establish my innocence with every discerning and fair mind.

I proceed in the next place to offer a frank and plain solution of the enigma, by giving a history of the origin and progress of my connection with Mrs. Reynolds, of its discovery, real and pretended by the husband, and of the disagreeable embarrassments to which it exposed me. This history will be supported by the letters of Mr. and Mrs. Reynolds, which leave no room for doubt of the principal facts, and at the same time explain with precision the objects of the little notes from me which have been published, shewing clearly that such of them as have related to money had no reference to any concern in speculation. As the situation which will be disclosed, will fully explain every ambiguous appearance, and meet satisfactorily the written documents, nothing more can be requisite to my justification. For frail indeed will be the tenure by which the most blameless man will hold his reputation, if the assertions of three of the most abandoned characters in the community, two of them stigmatized by the discrediting crime which has been mentioned, are sufficient to blast it. The business of accusation would soon become in such a case, a regular trade, and men’s reputations would be bought and sold like any marketable commodity.

Some time in the summer of the year 1791 a woman called at my house in the city of Philadelphia28 and asked to speak with me in private. I attended her into a room apart from the family. With a seeming air of affliction she informed that she was a daughter of a Mr. Lewis, sister to a Mr. G. Livingston of the State of New-York, and wife to a Mr. Reynolds whose father was in the Commissary Department during the war with Great Britain, that her husband, who for a long time had treated her very cruelly, had lately left her, to live with another woman, and in so destitute a condition, that though desirous of returning to her friends she had not the means—that knowing I was a citizen of New-York, she had taken the liberty to apply to my humanity for assistance.

I replied, that her situation was a very interesting one—that I was disposed to afford her assistance to convey her to her friends, but this at the moment not being convenient to me (which was the fact) I must request the place of her residence, to which I should bring or send a small supply of money. She told me the street and the number of the house where she lodged. In the evening I put a bank-bill in my pocket and went to the house.29 I inquired for Mrs. Reynolds and was shewn up stairs, at the head of which she met me and conducted me into a bed room. I took the bill out of my pocket and gave it to her. Some conversation ensued from which it was quickly apparent that other than pecuniary consolation would be acceptable.

After this, I had frequent meetings with her, most of them at my own house; Mrs. Hamilton with her children being absent on a visit to her father.30 In the course of a short time, she mentioned to me that her husband had solicited a reconciliation, and affected to consult me about it. I advised to it, and was soon after informed by her that it had taken place. She told me besides that her husband had been engaged in speculation, and she believed could give information respecting the conduct of some persons in the department which would be useful. I sent for Reynolds who came to me accordingly.

In the course of our interview, he confessed that he had obtained a list of claims from a person in my department which he had made use of in his speculations. I invited him, by the expectation of my friendship and good offices, to disclose the person. After some affectation of scruple, he pretended to yield, and ascribed the infidelity to Mr. Duer from whom he said he had obtained the list in New-York, while he (Duer) was in the department.

As Mr. Duer had resigned his office some time before the seat of government was removed to Philadelphia; this discovery, if it had been true, was not very important—yet it was the interest of my passions to appear to set value upon it, and to continue the expectation of friendship and good offices. Mr. Reynolds told me he was going to Virginia, and on his return would point out something in which I could serve him. I do not know but he said something about employment in a public office.

On his return he asked employment as a clerk in the treasury department. The knowledge I had acquired of him was decisive against such a request. I parried it by telling him, what was true, that there was no vacancy in my immediate office, and that the appointment of clerks in the other branches of the department was left to the chiefs of the respective branches. Reynolds alleged, as Clingman relates No. IV (a) as a topic of complaint against me that I had promised him employment and had disappointed him. The situation with the wife would naturally incline me to conciliate this man. It is possible I may have used vague expressions which raised expectation; but the more I learned of the person, the more inadmissible his employment in a public office became. Some material reflections will occur here to a discerning mind. Could I have preferred my private gratification to the public interest, should I not have found the employment he desired for a man, whom it was so convenient to me, on my own statement, to lay under obligations. Had I had any such connection with him, as he has since pretended, is it likely that he would have wanted other employment? Or is it likely that wanting it, I should have hazarded his resentment by a persevering refusal? This little circumstance shews at once the delicacy of my conduct, in its public relations, and the impossibility of my having had the connection pretended with Reynolds.

The intercourse with Mrs. Reynolds, in the mean time, continued; and, though various reflections, (in which a further knowledge of Reynolds’ character and the suspicion of some concert between the husband and wife bore a part) induced me to wish a cessation of it; yet her conduct, made it extremely difficult to disentangle myself. All the appearances of violent attachment, and of agonizing distress at the idea of a relinquishment, were played off with a most imposing art. This, though it did not make me entirely the dupe of the plot, yet kept me in a state of irresolution. My sensibility, perhaps my vanity, admitted the possibility of a real fondness; and led me to adopt the plan of a gradual discontinuance rather than of a sudden interruption, as least calculated to give pain, if a real partiality existed.

Mrs. Reynolds, on the other hand, employed every effort to keep up my attention and visits. Her pen was freely employed, and her letters were filled with those tender and pathetic effusions which would have been natural to a woman truly fond and neglected.

One day, I received a letter from her, which is in the appendix (No. I. b) intimating a discovery by her husband. It was matter of doubt with me whether there had been really a discovery by accident, or whether the time for the catastrophe of the plot was arrived.

The same day, being the 15th of December 1791, I received from Mr. Reynolds the letter (No. II. b) by which he informs me of the detection of his wife in the act of writing a letter to me, and that he had obtained from her a discovery of her connection with me, suggesting that it was the consequence of an undue advantage taken of her distress.

In answer to this I sent him a note, or message desiring him to call upon me at my office, which I think he did the same day.31

He in substance repeated the topics contained in his letter, and concluded as he had done there, that he was resolved to have satisfaction.

I replied that he knew best what evidence he had of the alleged connection between me and his wife, that I neither admitted nor denied it—that if he knew of any injury I had done him, intitling him to satisfaction, it lay with him to name it.

He travelled over the same ground as before, and again concluded with the same vague claim of satisfaction, but without specifying the kind, which would content him. It was easy to understand that he wanted money, and to prevent an explosion, I resolved to gratify him. But willing to manage his delicacy, if he had any, I reminded him that I had at our first interview made him a promise of service, that I was disposed to do it as far as might be proper, and in my power, and requested him to consider in what manner I could do it, and to write to me. He withdrew with a promise of compliance.

Two days after, the 17th of December, he wrote me the letter (No. III. b). The evident drift of this letter is to exaggerate the injury done by me, to make a display of sensibility and to magnify the atonement, which was to be required. It however comes to no conclusion, but proposes a meeting at the George Tavern, or at some other place more agreeable to me, which I should name.

On receipt of this letter, I called upon Reynolds, and assuming a decisive tone, told him, that I was tired of his indecision, and insisted upon his declaring to me explicitly what it was he aimed at. He again promised to explain by letter.

On the 19th, I received the promised letter (No. IV. b) the essence of which is that he was willing to take a thousand dollars as the plaister of his wounded honor.

I determined to give it to him, and did so in two payments, as per receipts (No. V and VI) dated the 22d of December and 3d of January. It is a little remarkable, that an avaricious speculating secretary of the treasury should have been so straitened for money as to be obliged to satisfy an engagement of this sort by two different payments!

On the 17th of January, I received the letter No. V.32 by which Reynolds invites me to renew my visits to his wife. He had before requested that I would see her no more. The motive to this step appears in the conclusion of the letter, “I rely upon your befriending me, if there should any thing offer that should be to my advantage, as you express a wish to befriend me.” Is the pre-existence of a speculating connection reconcileable with this mode of expression?

If I recollect rightly, I did not immediately accept the invitation, nor ’till after I had received several very importunate letters from Mrs. Reynolds—See her letters No. VIII, (b) IX, X.

On the 24th of March following, I received a letter from Reynolds, No. XI, and on the same day one from his wife, No. XII. These letters will further illustrate the obliging co-operation of the husband with his wife to aliment and keep alive my connection with her.

The letters from Reynolds, No. XIII to XVI, are an additional comment upon the same plan. It was a persevering scheme to spare no pains to levy contributions upon my passions on the one hand, and upon my apprehensions of discovery on the other. It is probably to No. XIV that my note, in these words, was an answer; “To-morrow what is requested will be done. ’Twill hardly be possible to-day.”33 The letter presses for the loan which is asked for to-day. A scarcity of cash, which was not very uncommon, is believed to have modelled the reply.

The letter No. XVII is a master-piece. The husband there forbids my future visits to his wife, chiefly because I was careful to avoid publicity. It was probably necessary to the project of some deeper treason against me that I should be seen at the house. Hence was it contrived, with all the caution on my part to avoid it, that Clingman should occasionally see me.

The interdiction was every way welcome, and was I believe, strictly observed. On the second of June following, I received the letter No. XVIII, from Mrs. Reynolds, which proves that it was not her plan yet to let me off. It was probably the prelude to the letter from Reynolds, No. XIX, soliciting a loan of 300 dollars towards a subscription to the Lancaster Turnpike. Clingman’s statement, No. IV [(a)], admits, on the information of Reynolds, that to this letter the following note from me was an answer—“It is utterly out of my power I assure you ’pon my honour to comply with your request. Your note is returned.” The letter itself demonstrates, that here was no concern in speculation on my part—that the money is asked as a favour and as a loan, to be reimbursed simply and without profit in less than a fortnight. My answer shews that even the loan was refused.

The letter No. XX, from Reynolds, explains the object of my note in these words, “Inclosed are 50 dollars, they could not be sent sooner,”34 proving that this sum also was begged for in a very apologetic stile as a mere loan.

The letters of the 24th and 30th of August, No. XXI and XXII, furnish the key to the affair of the 200 dollars mentioned by Clingman in No. IV, shewing that this sum likewise was asked by way of loan, towards furnishing a small boarding-house which Reynolds and his wife were or pretended to be about to set up.

These letters collectively, furnish a complete elucidation of the nature of my transactions with Reynolds. They resolve them into an amorous connection with his wife, detected, or pretended to be detected by the husband, imposing on me the necessity of a pecuniary composition with him, and leaving me afterwards under a duress for fear of disclosure, which was the instrument of levying upon me from time to time forced loans. They apply directly to this state of things, the notes which Reynolds was so careful to preserve, and which had been employed to excite suspicion.

Four, and the principal of these notes have been not only generally, but particularly explained—I shall briefly notice the remaining two.

“My dear Sir, I expected to have heard the day after I had the pleasure of seeing you.” This fragment, if truly part of a letter to Reynolds, denotes nothing more than a disposition to be civil to a man, whom, as I said before, it was the interest of my passions to conciliate. But I verily believe it was not part of a letter to him, because I do not believe that I ever addressed him in such a stile. It may very well have been part of a letter to some other person, procured by means of which I am ignorant, or it may have been the beginning of an intended letter, torn off, thrown into the chimney in my office, which was a common practice, and there or after it had been swept out picked up by Reynolds or some coadjutor of his. There appears to have been more than one clerk in the department some how connected with him.

The endeavour shewn by the letter No. XVII, to induce me to render my visits to Mrs. Reynolds more public, and the great care with which my little notes were preserved, justify the belief that at a period, before it was attempted, the idea of implicating me in some accusation, with a view to the advantage of the accusers, was entertained. Hence the motive to pick up and preserve any fragment which might favour the idea of friendly or confidential correspondence.

2dly. “The person Mr. Reynolds inquired for on Friday waited for him all the evening at his house from a little after seven. Mr. R. may see him at any time to-day or to-morrow between the hours of two and three.”

Mrs. Reynolds more than once communicated to me, that Reynolds would occasionally relapse into discontent to his situation—would treat her very ill—hint at the assassination of me—and more openly threaten, by way of revenge, to inform Mrs. Hamilton—all this naturally gave some uneasiness. I could not be absolutely certain whether it was artifice or reality. In the workings of human inconsistency, it was very possible, that the same man might be corrupt enough to compound for his wife’s chastity and yet have sensibility enough to be restless in the situation and to hate the cause of it.

Reflections like these induced me for some time to use palliatives with the ill humours which were announced to me. Reynolds had called upon me in one of these discontented moods real or pretended. I was unwilling to provoke him by the appearance of neglect—and having failed to be at home at the hour he had been permitted to call, I wrote her the above note to obviate an ill impression.

The foregoing narrative and the remarks accompanying it have prepared the way for a perusal of the letters themselves. The more attention is used in this, the more entire will be the satisfaction which they will afford.

It has been seen that an explanation on the subject was had cotemporarily that is in December 1792, with three members of Congress—F. A. Muhlenberg, J. Monroe, and A. Venable. It is proper that the circumstances of this transaction should be accurately understood.

The manner in which Mr. Muhlenberg became engaged in the affair is fully set forth in the document (No. I. a). It is not equally clear how the two other gentlemen came to embark in it. The phraseology, in reference to this point in the close of (No. I. [(a)]) and beginning of (No. II. [(a)]) is rather equivocal. The gentlemen, if they please, can explain it.

But on the morning of the 15th of December 1792, the above mentioned gentlemen presented themselves at my office. Mr. Muhlenberg was then speaker. He introduced the subject by observing to me, that they had discovered a very improper connection between me and a Mr. Reynolds: extremely hurt by this mode of introduction, I arrested the progress of the discourse by giving way to very strong expressions of indignation. The gentlemen explained, telling me in substance that I had misapprehended them—that they did not intend to take the fact for established—that their meaning was to apprise me that unsought by them, information had been given them of an improper pecuniary connection between Mr. Reynolds and myself; that they had thought it their duty to pursue it and had become possessed of some documents of a suspicious complexion—that they had contemplated the laying the matter before the President, but before they did this, they thought it right to apprise me of the affair and to afford an opportunity of explanation; declaring at the same time that their agency in the matter was influenced solely by a sense of public duty and by no motive of personal ill will. If my memory be correct, the notes from me in a disguised hand were now shewn to me which without a moment’s hesitation I acknowledged to be mine.

I replied, that the affair was now put upon a different footing—that I always stood ready to meet fair inquiry with frank communication—that it happened, in the present instance, to be in my power by written documents to remove all doubt as to the real nature of the business, and fully to convince, that nothing of the kind imputed to me did in fact exist. The same evening at my house was by mutual consent appointed for an explanation.

I immediately after saw Mr. Wolcott, and for the first time informed him of the affair and of the interview just had; and delivering into his hands for perusal the documents of which I was possessed, I engaged him to be present at the intended explanation in the evening.

In the evening the proposed meeting took place, and Mr. Wolcott according to my request attended. The information, which had been received to that time, from Clingman, Reynolds and his wife was communicated to me and the notes were I think again exhibited.

I stated in explanation, the circumstances of my affair with Mrs. Reynolds and the consequences of it and in confirmation produced the documents (No. I. b, to XXII.) One or more of the gentlemen (Mr. Wolcott’s certificate No. XXIV, mentions one, Mr. Venable, but I think the same may be said of Mr. Muhlenberg) was struck with so much conviction, before I had gotten through the communication that they delicately urged me to discontinue it as unnecessary. I insisted upon going through the whole and did so. The result was a full and unequivocal acknowlegement on the part of the three gentlemen of perfect satisfaction with the explanation and expressions of regret at the trouble and embarrassment which had been occasioned to me. Mr. Muhlenberg and Mr. Venable, in particular manifested a degree of sensibility on the occasion. Mr. Monroe was more cold but intirely explicit.

One of the gentlemen, I think, expressed a hope that I also was satisfied with their conduct in conducting the inquiry. I answered, that they knew I had been hurt at the opening of the affair—that this excepted, I was satisfied with their conduct and considered myself as having been treated with candor or with fairness and liberality, I do not now pretend to recollect the exact terms. I took the next morning a memorandum of the substance of what was said to me, which will be seen by a copy of it transmitted in a letter to each of the gentlemen No. XXV.

I deny absolutely, as alleged by the editor of the publication in question, that I intreated a suspension of the communication to the President, or that from the beginning to the end of the inquiry, I asked any favour or indulgence whatever, and that I discovered any symptom different from that of a proud consciousness of innocence.35

Some days after the explanation I wrote to the three gentlemen the letter No. XXVI already published. That letter evinces the light in which I considered myself as standing in their view.

I received from Mr. Muhlenberg and Mr. Monroe in answer the letters No. XXVII and XXVIII.

Thus the affair remained ’till the pamphlets No. V and VI of the history of the U. States for 1796 appeared; with the exception of some dark whispers which were communicated to me by a friend in Virginia, and to which I replied by a statement of what had passed.36

When I saw No. V though it was evidence of a base infidelity somewhere, yet firmly believing that nothing more than a want of due care was chargeable upon either of the three gentlemen who had made the inquiry, I immediately wrote to each of them a letter of which No. XXV is a copy37 in full confidence that their answer would put the whole business at rest. I ventured to believe, from the appearances on their part at closing our former interview on the subject, that their answers would have been both cordial and explicit.

I acknowledge that I was astonished when I came to read in the pamphlet No. VI the conclusion of the document No. V, containing the equivocal phrase “We left him under an impression our suspicions were removed,”38 which seemed to imply that this had been a mere piece of management, and that the impression given me had not been reciprocal. The appearance of duplicity incensed me; but resolving to proceed with caution and moderation, I thought the first proper step was to inquire of the gentlemen whether the paper was genuine. A letter was written for this purpose the copy of which I have mislaid.39

I afterwards received from Messrs. Muhlenberg and Venable the letters No. XXIX, XXX, and XXXI.40

Receiving no answer from Mr. Monroe, and hearing of his arrival at New-York I called upon him.41 The issue of the interview was that an answer was to be given by him, in conjunction with Mr. Muhlenberg and Mr. Venable on his return to Philadelphia, he thinking that as the agency had been joint it was most proper the answer should be joint, and informing me that Mr. Venable had told him he would wait his return.

I came to Philadelphia accordingly to bring the affair to a close; but on my arrival I found Mr. Venable had left the city for Virginia.

Mr. Monroe reached Philadelphia according to his appointment. And the morning following wrote me the note No. XXXII. While this note was on its way to my lodgings I was on my way to his. I had a conversation with him from which we separated with a repetition of the assurance in the note. In the course of the interviews with Mr. Monroe, the equivoque in document No. V, (a) and the paper of January 2d, 1793, under his signature were noticed.42

I received the day following the letter No. XXXIII, to which I returned the answer No. XXXIV,—accompanied with the letter No. XXXV. which was succeeded by the letters No. XXXVI—XXXVII—XXXVIII—XXXIX—XL. In due time the sequel of the correspondence will appear.

Though extremely disagreeable to me, for very obvious reasons, I at length determined in order that no cloud whatever might be left on the affair, to publish the documents which had been communicated to Messrs. Monroe, Muhlenberg and Venable,43 all which will be seen in the appendix from No. I, (b) to No. XXII, inclusively.

The information from Clingman of the 2d January 1793, to which the signature of Mr. Monroe is annexed, seems to require an observation or two in addition to what is contained in my letter to him No. XXXIX.

Clingman first suggests that he had been apprized of my vindication through Mr. Wolcott a day or two after it had been communicated. It did not occur to me to inquire of Mr. Wolcott on this point, and he being now absent from Philadelphia,44 I cannot do it at this moment. Though I can have no doubt of the friendly intention of Mr. Wolcott, if the suggestion of Clingman in this particular be taken as true; yet from the condition of secrecy which was annexed to my communication, there is the strongest reason to conclude it is not true. If not true, there is besides but one of two solutions, either that he obtained the information from one of the three gentlemen who made the inquiry, which would have been a very dishonourable act in the party, or that he conjectured what my defence was from what he before knew it truly could be. For there is the highest probability, that through Reynolds and his wife, and as an accomplice, he was privy to the whole affair. This last method of accounting for his knowledge would be conclusive on the sincerity and genuineness of the defence.

But the turn which Clingman gives to the matter must necessarily fall to the ground. It is, that Mrs. Reynolds denied her amorous connection with me, and represented the suggestion of it as a mere contrivance between her husband and myself to cover me, alleging that there had been a fabrication of letters and receipts to countenance it. The plain answer is, that Mrs. Reynolds’ own letters contradict absolutely this artful explanation of hers; if indeed she ever made it, of which Clingman’s assertion is no evidence whatever. These letters are proved by the affidavit No. XLI, though it will easily be conceived that the proof of them was rendered no easy matter by a lapse of near five years. They shew explicitly the connection with her, the discovery of it by her husband and the pains she took to prolong it when I evidently wished to get rid of it. This cuts up, by the root, the pretence of a contrivance between the husband and myself to fabricate the evidences of it.

The variety of shapes which this woman could assume was endless. In a conversation between her and a gentleman whom I am not at liberty publicly to name,45 she made a voluntary confession of her belief and even knowledge, that I was innocent of all that had been laid to my charge by Reynolds or any other person of her acquaintance, spoke of me in exalted terms of esteem and respect, declared in the most solemn manner her extreme unhappiness lest I should suppose her accessary to the trouble which had been given me on that account, and expressed her fear that the resentment of Mr. Reynolds on a particular score, might have urged him to improper lengths of revenge—appearing at the same time extremely agitated and unhappy. With the gentleman who gives this information, I have never been in any relation personal or political that could be supposed to bias him. His name would evince that he is an impartial witness. And though I am not permitted to make a public use of it, I am permitted to refer any gentleman to the perusal of his letter in the hands of William Bingham, Esquire; who is also so obliging as to permit me to deposit with him for similar inspection all the original papers which are contained in the appendix to this narrative. The letter from the gentleman above alluded to has been already shewn to Mr. Monroe.

Let me now, in the last place, recur to some comments, in which the hireling editors of the pamphlets No. V and VI has thought fit to indulge himself.

The first of them is that the soft language of one of my notes addressed to a man in the habit of threatening me with disgrace, is incompatible with the idea of innocence.46 The threats alluded to must be those of being able to hang the Secretary of the Treasury. How does it appear that Reynolds was in such a habit? No otherwise than by the declaration of Reynolds and Clingman. If the assertions of these men are to condemn me, there is an end of the question. There is no need, by elaborate deductions from parts of their assertions, to endeavour to establish what their assertions collectively affirm in express terms. If they are worthy of credit I am guilty; if they are not, all wire-drawn inferences from parts of their story are mere artifice and nonsense. But no man, not as debauched as themselves, will believe them, independent of the positive disproof of their story in the written documents.

As to the affair of threats (except those in Reynolds letters respecting the connection with his wife, which it will be perceived were very gentle for the occasion) not the least idea of the sort ever reached me ’till after the imprisonment of Reynolds. Mr. Wolcott’s certificate47 shews my conduct in that case—notwithstanding the powerful motives I may be presumed to have had to desire the liberation of Reynolds, on account of my situation with his wife, I cautioned Mr. Wolcott not to facilitate his liberation, till the affair of the threat was satisfactorily cleared up. The solemn denial of it in Reynold’s letter No. XLII was considered by Mr. Wolcott as sufficient. This is a further proof, that though in respect to my situation with his wife, I was somewhat in Reynolds’s power. I was not disposed to make any improper concession to the apprehension of his resentment.

As the threats intimated in his letters, the nature of the cause will shew that the soft tone of my note was not only compatible with them, but a natural consequence of them.

But it is observed that the dread of the disclosure of an amorous connection was not a sufficient cause for my humility, and that I had nothing to lose as to my reputation for chastity concerning which the world had fixed a previous opinion.

I shall not enter into the question what was the previous opinion entertained of me in this particular—nor how well founded, if it was indeed such as it is represented to have been. It is sufficient to say that there is a wide difference between vague rumours and suspicions and the evidence of a positive fact—no man not indelicately unprincipled, with the state of manners in this country, would be willing to have a conjugal infidelity fixed upon him with positive certainty. He would know that it would justly injure him with a considerable and respectable portion of the society—and especially no man, tender of the happiness of an excellent wife could without extreme pain look forward to the affliction which she might endure from the disclosure, especially a public disclosure, of the fact. Those best acquainted with the interior of my domestic life will best appreciate the force of such a consideration upon me.

The truth was, that in both relations and especially the last, I dreaded extremely a disclosure—and was willing to make large sacrifices to avoid it. It is true, that from the acquiescence of Reynolds, I had strong ties upon his secrecy, but how could I rely upon any tie upon so base a character. How could I know, but that from moment to moment he might, at the expence of his own disgrace, become the mercenary of a party, with whom to blast my character in any way is a favorite object!

Strong inferences are attempted to be drawn from the release of Clingman and Reynolds with the consent of the Treasury, from the want of communicativeness of Reynolds while in prison—from the subsequent disappearance of Reynolds and his wife, and from their not having been produced by me in order to be confronted at the time of the explanation.

As to the first, it was emphatically the transaction of Mr. Wolcott the then Comptroller of the Treasury, and was bottomed upon a very adequate motive—and one as appears from the document No. I, (a) early contemplated in this light by that officer. It was certainly of more consequence to the public to detect and expel from the bosom of the Treasury Department an unfaithful Clerk to prevent future and extensive mischief, than to disgrace and punish two worthless individuals. Besides that a powerful influence foreign to me was exerted to procure indulgence to them—that of Mr. Muhlenberg and Col. Burr48—that of Col. Wadsworth,49 which though insidiously placed to my account was to the best of my recollection utterly unknown to me at the time, and according to the confession of Mrs. Reynolds herself, was put in motion by her entreaty. Candid men will derive strong evidence of my innocence and delicacy, from the reflection, that under circumstances so peculiar, the culprits were compelled to give a real and substantial equivalent for the relief which they obtained from a department, over which I presided.

The backwardness of Reynolds to enter into detail, while in jail, was an argument of nothing but that conscious of his inability to communicate any particulars which could be supported, he found it more convenient to deal in generals, and to keep up appearances by giving promises for the future.

As to the disappearance of the parties after the liberation, how am I answerable for it? Is it not presumable, that the instance discovered at the Treasury was not the only offence of the kind of which they were guilty? After one detection, is it not very probable that Reynolds fled to avoid detection in other cases? But exclusive of this, it is known and might easily be proved, that Reynolds was considerably in debt! What more natural for him than to fly from his creditors after having been once exposed by confinement for such a crime? Moreover, atrocious as his conduct had been towards me, was it not natural for him to fear that my resentment might be excited at the discovery of it, and that it might have been deemed a sufficient reason for retracting the indulgence, which was shewn by withdrawing the prosecution and for recommending it?

One or all of these considerations will explain the disappearance of Reynolds without imputing it to me as a method of getting rid of a dangerous witness.

That disappearance rendered it impracticable, if it had been desired to bring him forward to be confronted. As to Clingman it was not pretended that he knew any thing of what was charged upon me, otherwise than by the notes which he produced, and the information of Reynolds and his wife. As to Mrs. Reynolds, she in fact appears by Clingman’s last story to have remained, and to have been accessible through him, by the gentlemen who had undertaken the inquiry. If they supposed it necessary to the elucidation of the affair, why did not they bring her forward? There can be no doubt of the sufficiency of Clingman’s influence, for this purpose, when it is understood that Mrs. Reynolds and he afterwards lived together as man and wife.50 But to what purpose the confronting? What would it have availed the elucidation of truth, if Reynolds and his wife had impudently made allegations which I denied. Relative character and the written documents must still determine These could decide without it, and they were relied upon. But could it be expected, that I should so debase myself as to think it necessary to my vindication to be confronted with a person such as Reynolds? Could I have borne to suffer my veracity to be exposed to the humiliating competition?

For what?—why, it is said, to tear up the last twig of jealousy—but when I knew that I possessed written documents which were decisive, how could I foresee that any twig of jealousy would remain? When the proofs I did produce to the gentlemen were admitted by them to be completely satisfactory, and by some of them to be more than sufficient, how could I dream of the expediency of producing more—how could I imagine that every twig of jealousy was not plucked up?

If after the recent confessions of the gentlemen themselves, it could be useful to fortify the proof of the full conviction, my explanation had wrought, I might appeal to the total silence concerning this charge, when at a subsequent period, in the year 1793, there was such an active legislative persecution of me.51 It might not even perhaps be difficult to establish, that it came under the eye of Mr. Giles,52 and that he discarded it as the plain case of a private amour unconnected with any thing that was the proper subject of a public attack.

Thus has my desire to destroy this slander, completely, led me to a more copious and particular examination of it, than I am sure was necessary. The bare perusal of the letters from Reynolds and his wife is sufficient to convince my greatest enemy that there is nothing worse in the affair than an irregular and indelicate amour. For this, I bow to the just censure which it merits. I have paid pretty severely for the folly and can never recollect it without disgust and self condemnation. It might seem affectation to say more.

To unfold more clearly the malicious intent, by which the present revival of the affair must have been influenced—I shall annex an affidavit of Mr. Webster53 tending to confirm my declaration of the utter falsehood of the assertion, that a menace of publishing the papers which have been published had arrested the progress of an attempt to hold me up as a candidate for the office of President. Does this editor imagine that he will escape the just odium which awaits him by the miserable subterfuge of saying that he had the information from a respectable citizen of New-York? Till he names the author the inevitable inference must be that he has fabricated the tale.

How good is that wifi hamilton???

#alexander hamilton #anonymous #virasinbox #long post #anon whoever you are i hope you know it took me a whole minute to figure out where this is from

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slutshame-alexanderhamilton · 3 years

Note

Yet unwilling to leave any ambiguity upon the point, when I determined to resign my office, I gave early previous notice of it to the House of Representatives, for the declared purpose of affording an opportunity for legislative crimination, if any ground for it had been discovered. Not the least step towards it was taken. From which I have a right to infer the universal conviction of the House, that no cause existed, and to consider the result as a complete vindication.

On another occasion, a worthless man of the name of Fraunces found encouragement to bring forward to the House of Representatives a formal charge against me of unfaithful conduct in office. A Committee of the House was appointed to inquire, consisting in this case also, partly of some of my most intelligent and active enemies. The issue was an unanimous exculpation of me as will appear by the following extract from the Journals of the House of Representatives of the 19th of February 1794.

“The House resumed the consideration of the report of the Committee, to whom was referred the memorial of Andrew G. Fraunces: whereupon,

“Resolved, That the charge exhibited in the memorial, against the secretary of the treasury, relative to the purchase of the pension of Baron de Glaubeck is wholly illiberal and groundless*.”

Of all the vile attempts which have been made to injure my character that which has been lately revived in No. V and VI, of the history of the United States for 1796 is the most vile. This it will be impossible for any intelligent, I will not say candid, man to doubt, when he shall have accompanied me through the examination.

I owe perhaps to my friends an apology for condescending to give a public explanation. A just pride with reluctance stoops to a formal vindication against so despicable a contrivance and is inclined rather to oppose to it the uniform evidence of an upright character. This would be my conduct on the present occasion, did not the tale seem to derive a sanction from the names of three men of some weight and consequence in the society: a circumstance, which I trust will excuse me for paying attention to a slander that without this prop, would defeat itself by intrinsic circumstances of absurdity and malice.

The first reflection which occurs on a perusal of the documents is that it is morally impossible I should have been foolish as well as depraved enough to employ so vile an instrument as Reynolds for such insignificant ends, as are indicated by different parts of the story itself. My enemies to be sure have kindly pourtrayed me as another Chartres on the score of moral principle. But they have been ever bountiful in ascribing to me talents. It has suited their purpose to exaggerate such as I may possess, and to attribute to them an influence to which they are not intitled. But the present accusation imputes to me as much folly as wickedness. All the documents shew, and it is otherwise matter of notoriety, that Reynolds was an obscure, unimportant and profligate man. Nothing could be more weak, because nothing could be more unsafe than to make use of such an instrument; to use him too without any intermediate agent more worthy of confidence who might keep me out of sight, to write him numerous letters recording the objects of the improper connection (for this is pretended and that the letters were afterwards burnt at my request) to unbosom myself to him with a prodigality of confidence, by very unnecessarily telling him, as he alleges, of a connection in speculation between myself and Mr. Duer. It is very extraordinary, if the head of the money department of a country, being unprincipled enough to sacrifice his trust and his integrity, could not have contrived objects of profit sufficiently large to have engaged the co-operation of men of far greater importance than Reynolds, and with whom there could have been due safety, and should have been driven to the necessity of unkennelling such a reptile to be the instrument of his cupidity.

But, moreover, the scale of the concern with Reynolds, such as it is presented, is contemptibly narrow for a rapacious speculating secretary of the treasury. Clingman, Reynolds and his wife were manifestly in very close confidence with each other. It seems there was a free communication of secrets. Yet in clubbing their different items of information as to the supplies of money which Reynolds received from me, what do they amount to? Clingman states, that Mrs. Reynolds told him, that at a certain time her husband had received from me upwards of eleven hundred dollars. A note is produced which shews that at one time fifty dollars were sent to him, and another note is produced, by which and the information of Reynolds himself through Clingman, it appears that at another time 300 dollars were asked and refused. Another sum of 200 dollars is spoken of by Clingman as having been furnished to Reynolds at some other time. What a scale of speculation is this for the head of a public treasury, for one who in the very publication that brings forward the charge is represented as having procured to be funded at forty millions a debt which ought to have been discharged at ten or fifteen millions for the criminal purpose of enriching himself and his friends? He must have been a clumsy knave, if he did not secure enough of this excess of twenty five or thirty millions, to have taken away all inducement to risk his character in such bad hands and in so huckstering a way—or to have enabled him, if he did employ such an agent, to do it with more means and to better purpose. It is curious, that this rapacious secretary should at one time have furnished his speculating agent with the paltry sum of fifty dollars, at another, have refused him the inconsiderable sum of 300 dollars, declaring upon his honor that it was not in his power to furnish it. This declaration was true or not; if the last the refusal ill comports with the idea of a speculating connection—if the first, it is very singular that the head of the treasury engaged without scruple in schemes of profit should have been destitute of so small a sum. But if we suppose this officer to be living upon an inadequate salary, without any collateral pursuits of gain, the appearances then are simple and intelligible enough, applying to them the true key.

It appears that Reynolds and Clingman were detected by the then comptroller of the treasury, in the odious crime of suborning a witness to commit perjury, for the purpose of obtaining letters of administration on the estate of a person who was living in order to receive a small sum of money due to him from the treasury. It is certainly extraordinary that the confidential agent of the head of that department should have been in circumstances to induce a resort to so miserable an expedient. It is odd, if there was a speculating connection, that it was not more profitable both to the secretary and to his agent than are indicated by the circumstances disclosed.

Some time in the summer of the year 1791 a woman called at my house in the city of Philadelphia and asked to speak with me in private. I attended her into a room apart from the family. With a seeming air of affliction she informed that she was a daughter of a Mr. Lewis, sister to a Mr. G. Livingston of the State of New-York, and wife to a Mr. Reynolds whose father was in the Commissary Department during the war with Great Britain, that her husband, who for a long time had treated her very cruelly, had lately left her, to live with another woman, and in so destitute a condition, that though desirous of returning to her friends she had not the means—that knowing I was a citizen of New-York, she had taken the liberty to apply to my humanity for assistance.

After this, I had frequent meetings with her, most of them at my own house; Mrs. Hamilton with her children being absent on a visit to her father. In the course of a short time, she mentioned to me that her husband had solicited a reconciliation, and affected to consult me about it. I advised to it, and was soon after informed by her that it had taken place. She told me besides that her husband had been engaged in speculation, and she believed could give information respecting the conduct of some persons in the department which would be useful. I sent for Reynolds who came to me accordingly.

In answer to this I sent him a note, or message desiring him to call upon me at my office, which I think he did the same day.

He in substance repeated the topics contained in his letter, and concluded as he had done there, that he was resolved to have satisfaction.

On the 19th, I received the promised letter (No. IV. b) the essence of which is that he was willing to take a thousand dollars as the plaister of his wounded honor.

If I recollect rightly, I did not immediately accept the invitation, nor ’till after I had received several very importunate letters from Mrs. Reynolds—See her letters No. VIII, (b) IX, X.

The letters from Reynolds, No. XIII to XVI, are an additional comment upon the same plan. It was a persevering scheme to spare no pains to levy contributions upon my passions on the one hand, and upon my apprehensions of discovery on the other. It is probably to No. XIV that my note, in these words, was an answer; “To-morrow what is requested will be done. ’Twill hardly be possible to-day.” The letter presses for the loan which is asked for to-day. A scarcity of cash, which was not very uncommon, is believed to have modelled the reply.

The letter No. XX, from Reynolds, explains the object of my note in these words, “Inclosed are 50 dollars, they could not be sent sooner,” proving that this sum also was begged for in a very apologetic stile as a mere loan.

Four, and the principal of these notes have been not only generally, but particularly explained—I shall briefly notice the remaining two.

Some days after the explanation I wrote to the three gentlemen the letter No. XXVI already published. That letter evinces the light in which I considered myself as standing in their view.

I received from Mr. Muhlenberg and Mr. Monroe in answer the letters No. XXVII and XXVIII.

When I saw No. V though it was evidence of a base infidelity somewhere, yet firmly believing that nothing more than a want of due care was chargeable upon either of the three gentlemen who had made the inquiry, I immediately wrote to each of them a letter of which No. XXV is a copy in full confidence that their answer would put the whole business at rest. I ventured to believe, from the appearances on their part at closing our former interview on the subject, that their answers would have been both cordial and explicit.

I acknowledge that I was astonished when I came to read in the pamphlet No. VI the conclusion of the document No. V, containing the equivocal phrase “We left him under an impression our suspicions were removed,” which seemed to imply that this had been a mere piece of management, and that the impression given me had not been reciprocal. The appearance of duplicity incensed me; but resolving to proceed with caution and moderation, I thought the first proper step was to inquire of the gentlemen whether the paper was genuine. A letter was written for this purpose the copy of which I have mislaid.

I afterwards received from Messrs. Muhlenberg and Venable the letters No. XXIX, XXX, and XXXI.

Receiving no answer from Mr. Monroe, and hearing of his arrival at New-York I called upon him. The issue of the interview was that an answer was to be given by him, in conjunction with Mr. Muhlenberg and Mr. Venable on his return to Philadelphia, he thinking that as the agency had been joint it was most proper the answer should be joint, and informing me that Mr. Venable had told him he would wait his return.

I came to Philadelphia accordingly to bring the affair to a close; but on my arrival I found Mr. Venable had left the city for Virginia.

Though extremely disagreeable to me, for very obvious reasons, I at length determined in order that no cloud whatever might be left on the affair, to publish the documents which had been communicated to Messrs. Monroe, Muhlenberg and Venable, all which will be seen in the appendix from No. I, (b) to No. XXII, inclusively.

Clingman first suggests that he had been apprized of my vindication through Mr. Wolcott a day or two after it had been communicated. It did not occur to me to inquire of Mr. Wolcott on this point, and he being now absent from Philadelphia, I cannot do it at this moment. Though I can have no doubt of the friendly intention of Mr. Wolcott, if the suggestion of Clingman in this particular be taken as true; yet from the condition of secrecy which was annexed to my communication, there is the strongest reason to conclude it is not true. If not true, there is besides but one of two solutions, either that he obtained the information from one of the three gentlemen who made the inquiry, which would have been a very dishonourable act in the party, or that he conjectured what my defence was from what he before knew it truly could be. For there is the highest probability, that through Reynolds and his wife, and as an accomplice, he was privy to the whole affair. This last method of accounting for his knowledge would be conclusive on the sincerity and genuineness of the defence.

The variety of shapes which this woman could assume was endless. In a conversation between her and a gentleman whom I am not at liberty publicly to name, she made a voluntary confession of her belief and even knowledge, that I was innocent of all that had been laid to my charge by Reynolds or any other person of her acquaintance, spoke of me in exalted terms of esteem and respect, declared in the most solemn manner her extreme unhappiness lest I should suppose her accessary to the trouble which had been given me on that account, and expressed her fear that the resentment of Mr. Reynolds on a particular score, might have urged him to improper lengths of revenge—appearing at the same time extremely agitated and unhappy. With the gentleman who gives this information, I have never been in any relation personal or political that could be supposed to bias him. His name would evince that he is an impartial witness. And though I am not permitted to make a public use of it, I am permitted to refer any gentleman to the perusal of his letter in the hands of William Bingham, Esquire; who is also so obliging as to permit me to deposit with him for similar inspection all the original papers which are contained in the appendix to this narrative. The letter from the gentleman above alluded to has been already shewn to Mr. Monroe.

Let me now, in the last place, recur to some comments, in which the hireling editors of the pamphlets No. V and VI has thought fit to indulge himself.

The first of them is that the soft language of one of my notes addressed to a man in the habit of threatening me with disgrace, is incompatible with the idea of innocence. The threats alluded to must be those of being able to hang the Secretary of the Treasury. How does it appear that Reynolds was in such a habit? No otherwise than by the declaration of Reynolds and Clingman. If the assertions of these men are to condemn me, there is an end of the question. There is no need, by elaborate deductions from parts of their assertions, to endeavour to establish what their assertions collectively affirm in express terms. If they are worthy of credit I am guilty; if they are not, all wire-drawn inferences from parts of their story are mere artifice and nonsense. But no man, not as debauched as themselves, will believe them, independent of the positive disproof of their story in the written documents.

As to the affair of threats (except those in Reynolds letters respecting the connection with his wife, which it will be perceived were very gentle for the occasion) not the least idea of the sort ever reached me ’till after the imprisonment of Reynolds. Mr. Wolcott’s certificate shews my conduct in that case—notwithstanding the powerful motives I may be presumed to have had to desire the liberation of Reynolds, on account of my situation with his wife, I cautioned Mr. Wolcott not to facilitate his liberation, till the affair of the threat was satisfactorily cleared up. The solemn denial of it in Reynold’s letter No. XLII was considered by Mr. Wolcott as sufficient. This is a further proof, that though in respect to my situation with his wife, I was somewhat in Reynolds’s power. I was not disposed to make any improper concession to the apprehension of his resentment.

As the threats intimated in his letters, the nature of the cause will shew that the soft tone of my note was not only compatible with them, but a natural consequence of them.

As to the first, it was emphatically the transaction of Mr. Wolcott the then Comptroller of the Treasury, and was bottomed upon a very adequate motive—and one as appears from the document No. I, (a) early contemplated in this light by that officer. It was certainly of more consequence to the public to detect and expel from the bosom of the Treasury Department an unfaithful Clerk to prevent future and extensive mischief, than to disgrace and punish two worthless individuals. Besides that a powerful influence foreign to me was exerted to procure indulgence to them—that of Mr. Muhlenberg and Col. Burr—that of Col. Wadsworth, which though insidiously placed to my account was to the best of my recollection utterly unknown to me at the time, and according to the confession of Mrs. Reynolds herself, was put in motion by her entreaty. Candid men will derive strong evidence of my innocence and delicacy, from the reflection, that under circumstances so peculiar, the culprits were compelled to give a real and substantial equivalent for the relief which they obtained from a department, over which I presided.

One or all of these considerations will explain the disappearance of Reynolds without imputing it to me as a method of getting rid of a dangerous witness.

That disappearance rendered it impracticable, if it had been desired to bring him forward to be confronted. As to Clingman it was not pretended that he knew any thing of what was charged upon me, otherwise than by the notes which he produced, and the information of Reynolds and his wife. As to Mrs. Reynolds, she in fact appears by Clingman’s last story to have remained, and to have been accessible through him, by the gentlemen who had undertaken the inquiry. If they supposed it necessary to the elucidation of the affair, why did not they bring her forward? There can be no doubt of the sufficiency of Clingman’s influence, for this purpose, when it is understood that Mrs. Reynolds and he afterwards lived together as man and wife. But to what purpose the confronting? What would it have availed the elucidation of truth, if Reynolds and his wife had impudently made allegations which I denied. Relative character and the written documents must still determine These could decide without it, and they were relied upon. But could it be expected, that I should so debase myself as to think it necessary to my vindication to be confronted with a person such as Reynolds? Could I have borne to suffer my veracity to be exposed to the humiliating competition?

If after the recent confessions of the gentlemen themselves, it could be useful to fortify the proof of the full conviction, my explanation had wrought, I might appeal to the total silence concerning this charge, when at a subsequent period, in the year 1793, there was such an active legislative persecution of me. It might not even perhaps be difficult to establish, that it came under the eye of Mr. Giles, and that he discarded it as the plain case of a private amour unconnected with any thing that was the proper subject of a public attack.

To unfold more clearly the malicious intent, by which the present revival of the affair must have been influenced—I shall annex an affidavit of Mr. Webster tending to confirm my declaration of the utter falsehood of the assertion, that a menace of publishing the papers which have been published had arrested the progress of an attempt to hold me up as a candidate for the office of President. Does this editor imagine that he will escape the just odium which awaits him by the miserable subterfuge of saying that he had the information from a respectable citizen of New-York? Till he names the author the inevitable inference must be that he has fabricated the tale.

ALEXANDER HAMILTON.

Philadelphia, July, 1797.

Man I guess

#long post #really long post #extra long post #I’m almost impressed lmao

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readingsbylibramc · 3 years

Text

aspects chart reading for @starflowersx

hello! welcome to your reading. I’m gonna give you a quick overview of what I’m going to analyze about your natal chart. feel free to ask me anything if something isn’t clear, of course. you’ll find out your dominants’ influence on your persona, your physical appearance, impression on others and the way you approach the world; your ego, identity, the real you; your reactions, your desires, inner emotions; your way of expressing your feelings, your mind and ideas; your desires and approach to love; your energy tank, instincts and temperament; in-depth analysis of each house with their rulers and analysis of heavy aspects; love life + soulmates/karmic partners interpretation; your relationship with your friends; your family life; your approach to career and work in general + possible jobs suggestion; your style, fashion sense analysis; life purpose and past life description; basic transits’ analysis to describe your current mood and, last but not least, your secret skills, how to make the most out of your soul and manifest what you desire based on your birth chart.

🦋 chart shape, dominants

your chart is a bucket shape, with the moon as the handle of the bucket. your moon is in the 8th house, hence matters regarding transformation, death and spirituality will be your priorities in this lifetime. you also have clear ideas about your future and who you want to be. even though you may have different passions and talents you’re capable of only sticking to one and mastering it, giving your all.

your dominant planets are mercury, pluto and jupiter. you are a very intelligent person, you're probably extremely open-minded and you have a philosophical mind. you could have a knack for writing, and you may be particularly good at it. you're also interested in foreign cultures, you may be able to speak more than one language and you could interact with people from all over the world throughout your life. you're also very intuitive, even though you could be a bit moody sometimes.

your dominant sign is scorpio. you may have trust issues and be quite of a loner, yet once you commit to someone, you'll be in for a long ride. you are very deep, both mentally and emotionally. you may struggle with power control, as you may have the perception that people are trying to take advantage of you due to your insecurities. because of that, you may also get quite possessive and bossy.

your dominant element is water. you're very intuitive and empathetic, you care a lot about others, and you may seem like a healer to people you know. in fact, you always try to help them if you can, almost in a therapeutic way. you're also very spiritual, and you're attracted to anything related to discovering your higher self and soul purpose.

🌎 ascendant in virgo, 24° / 3rd decan ruled by mercury and venus

you have a practical approach to the world. you’re kind of logical, it’s hard for you to improvize. you always want to keep everything neat and organized, at least in your mind. you could have a natural coldness to your face. you may seem a bit older than you are, or at least very mature and responsible, even though you may be more outgoing than you look due to your many gemini placements. with your attentive eyes, you pay attention to every single detail you see. you’re a perfectionist, and you always want and try to be at your best state. I would say you’re quite competitive when it comes to your goals, but you don’t really do it to be above others. you do it because your obsession for details kind of stresses you out. improving and proving yourself is a way to boost your self-esteem, you feel fulfilled when you can achieve your goals. you are extremely intelligent and logical, you’re always up for a deep talk or simply for an occasion to gain more knowledge. you like being smart, you always want to know about everything. even the latest, trendy meme counts for you. your nature is very cautious; you’re rarely impulsive, you always think deeply about your decisions, as you don’t want to commit any mistakes. because of that, you can be particularly picky. not only with material things such as movies, books, food etc. but even with people. it’s hard for you to open up to someone you don’t know at all. you take things slow, both in friendships and in relationships, just to preserve yourself. you may come off as kind of snobby, but you’re just misunderstood. you don’t like flaky bonds, you need security in your life. physically, as I’ve already mentioned before, you have this kind of strict look on your face. your eyes may be almond-shaped, and you could have a natural feline gaze. overall, you have something smaller about your features; you could have thin lips, a small nose, small eyes… you could have a smaller frame with thin bones. you may be of average height, and I’ve noticed that most virgos tend to have pretty long legs? no matter if they’re tall or not, their legs will still be longer than their bust. you may also have very dark hair and / or eyes, as well as a defined facial structure with high cheekbones.

virgo ascendant trine taurus moon: you appear way more sweet and approachable than your scorpio sun, virgo rising, which is obviously very beneficial for you. you can read people's mood very well, it's easy for you to understand whether someone is sad, angry, happy... because of that, you always try to make people feel at ease, you're always kind with people, and that makes you extremely likeable. also, since the moon makes a pleasant aspect to the ascendant, you're probably a very genuine person. it's hard for you to hide your real emotions, and even if you wanted to hide them you wouldn't be capable. you could also have frequent mood swings. you have a strong sense of family and comfort to you, and hence it's extremely essential for you feel at ease to truly be yourself. let's suppose you're with a group of friends, and they suddenly bring someone with them that isn't very nice; you would probably get very stiff, and your mood would immediately go down. you also tend to be like a mother / sister to others, you hardly ever have superficial bonds.

virgo ascendant square sagittarius jupiter: you probably learn a lot from people around you. you're most likely surrounded by wise, spiritual and possibly foreign individuals in your life. they help you to grow up, both spiritually and mentally. this placement also softens your rough scorpio image, making you look more outgoing and approachable. you're also very open-minded, and you rarely have prejudices. the downside to this placement is that you may be depend too much from your friends or lovers, especially when it comes to your beliefs. you're easy to influence, and you may change your mind often if others disagree with you. you could possibly have high expectations from others, creating a false idea of those who surround you. at least, you're aware of your abilities and you have the potential to make the most out of them, but you're modest about it. you don't come off as bossy, as other jupiter - asc aspects would.

virgo ascendant square pisces saturn: you may be shy and have self-esteem issues, especially during your early years. because of that, you may often appear as insecure to others, or even unreliable. you have a strong desire to be with someone and commit to them, you despise supertificial bonds, but at the same time you may find yourself being too shy to approach others, especially during your early years. you don't feel much comfortable around other people, and others can sense that; your insecurity is exposed to the world, and some may take advantage of that to hurt your feelings. you're afraid of being judged, whether it's for your appearance, or maybe because of your ideals or interests. hence, you end up becoming reserved. this is something that will be solved through growth and time; the older you get, the easier you'll be on yourself. also, thanks to this aspect, you're a responsible person with defined values. to cope with this placement, I'd suggest you to do what makes you feel the best. there are different ways to boost your self-esteem, so maybe you can work on that and then start expressing yourself freely; if you do it without the fear of being judged, you will shine even more.

virgo ascendant trine capricorn neptune: you appear as a very genuine and honest person. you have a reassuring aura about you, which could attract people to you. in fact, you seem and sound like a healer, hence broken people may find comfort in you. you’re an hopeless romantic, and this may make you look sort of naive, almost childlike. you feel the need to revolution the world, there’s an hidden rebel in you that needs change and justice. yet, you struggle to take action. it’s like your assertiveness is stuck deep inside of you, and you can’t take it out. hence, you cope with this through escapism; you may oversleep, overwork, drink, daydream, do drugs… anything that allows your mind to travel away from your sense of justice. you always want to be seen likeable, hence you may act differently based on the situation you’re in. identity issues are also common when the ascendant aspects neptune, as you may feel the need to be part of a group, yet you can’t. you’re too complex to be part of only one category, you can’t classify yourself. in addition, you may often be, or at least look, sleepy, absent, as if you were from another world.

virgo ascendant trine capricorn uranus: you are very independent and open-minded, you hardly ever judge someone from its appearance, for example. you are fond of friendship, it's most likely more important than love for you, but at the same time you're more of a loner. you'd rather spend the day in watching your favourite show on the couch than going out and partying. your self-esteem most probably fluctuates a lot: some days you're very confident, especially in your skills / abilities, and maybe as well in your appearance. other days, though, you start feeling pretty insecure. you're very unpredictable, not only from this point of view, but in your life in general. you strive for freedom, you don't want to force others into thinking the same way as you do when it comes to shallow opinions. your life philosophy is most likely 'live and let live', everyone is free to do what they want for you. on the other hand, you're most likely an amazing friend, as you know what it means to support and help an individual or a group. you're an ideal leader, basically.

virgo ascendant sextile scorpio pluto: you see the world as a place full of dangers and malice, hence it’s hard for you to trust people. this may be translated through fear; you’re either scared of other people, and hence you look more vulnerable, or maybe you’re the one who prefers to look intimidating to avoid problems. you can sense others’ emotions very well, so they have no secrets for you. you can perceive any single emotion in people just by looking in their eyes. while this is good, as you understand who’s best for you and you’re aware of the dangers you may face, pluto in contact with the ascendant tends to make one take advantage of this and be a little manipulative. this awareness of the world makes you look mysterious and secretive, as if you always know something more than others (and you probably do). pluto is also the planet of transformation, and you might experience a lot of rebirths throughout your life, both physically and emotionally. you might lose/have lost a big amount of weight, for example, which makes you look like a different person. or maybe, you like dying your hair of a different colour, giving you a different vibe.

🌞 sun in scorpio, 14° / 2nd decan ruled by pluto and neptune

you're quite of a loner, you prefer spending time alone rather than with others. you're extremely intuitive, and you can read people like a book; they can't lie or keep secrets from you, you'll surely find out. you're pretty charismatic, and paired with your wise intellect it's hard not to agree with your ideas. you're basically a leader, a very demanding one. you have high standards regarding everything: clothes, food, goals, people... you're always striving for the best, you don't want to settle down. on the other hand, even though it may take you a while to find someone worth of your affection, once that someone shows up you'll stay with them forever. you're deeply loyal, and also caring in your own way. that's because you value feelings, you can easily smell when someone isn't trustworthy. you're probably very protective of your friends and loved ones in general, sometimes even too much. this could even escalate and become a more serious issue, as scorpio is also the planet of obsession, after all. it's common for you to feel your emotions x2, as they're too intense to handle. you know everything about others, but you don't show off and gossip about it. actually, you keep the info for yourself and use it when you need it.

scorpio sun opposite taurus moon: you're the type to start lots of projects, always feeling like you need to transform yourself or your routine. you're very self-aware of your identity, as you're constantly in contact with your feelings. you may even appear as too emotional, as the sun brings all your emotions out to see. this placement most likely makes it hard for you to make choices, you are very indecisive; on one side, your taurus moon wants comfort, you crave security, almost laziness. your scorpio sun, on the other hand, wants change, transformation, and hence you tend to struggle with balance. as a result, you may change your mind often, and people could possibly picture you as shallow or unpredictable. you're interested in knowing more about your roots, your childhood, and also about having a family in general. when you were young, you probably were even more energetic than now. you could be the type to look nostalgically at your old pictures, and you care about your mother a lot. you're also very interested in your own culture; you're not afraid to show the world your interests, reactions and opinions. the problem with this opposition is that the individual may become so self-sufficient at the point that doesn't let anyone interfer in their life. it's obviously a good thing to do when someone tries to hurt you, but there's the risk it may happen even with people that are trying to help you if not well-developed. last but not least, your parents' relationships might have had impact on your growth. maybe they're divorced, and one of them had to compensate for the missing parent; perhaps, one of them was highly influenced by the other.

scorpio sun conjunct scorpio mercury: you express your ego and identity through your words and ideas. you’re very opinionated and you protect strongly your beliefs. after all, you probably came up with your ideals after thinking deeply about them, you were too precise to be wrong. you’re also probably an avid reader, and you could do well in writing yourself, as you’re able to properly convey your ideals with your words. also, your heavy virgo dominance makes you naturally good at writing poetry, or even philosophical quotes. your mind is very active, and you feel comfortable letting all your thoughts out. it’s actually a way to relieve stress. you also have a wide vocabulary, and you’re capable of making a formal speech if you have to. you have a memorable way of speaking, as your words are very sharp. it’s hard for you to be ignored for your intellect.

scorpio sun trine pisces saturn: you're an extremely ambitious and hard-working person, you put a lot of seriousness in your goals. you aspire to be the best, not only for yourself, but also to be recognized. you don't do it to brag, though. you just want to feel fulfilled, being good at something boosts your self-esteem. in fact, you're quite insecure about yourself. you're a perfectionist, you always want to be at your best state, and that could pressure you. since you were a child, you always took care of your responsibilities, in fact you probably didn't find yourself at ease around your peers at school. you get along more with older people, or that are at least as mature as you, as you grew up sooner than other kids, with a strong sense of duty. you tend to be a bit too materialistic; for example, when thinking about a gift, you immediately think about something material that costs money, not something handmade, for example. money is very important for you, and you aspire to achieve a great status in life. you're also quite pessimistic, you never set your expectations too high, mostly out of fear. you're constantly afraid that things could turn out the way you don't want them to be, as you always want to have everything under control. because of that, you may even appear as bossy or snobby, as you may have the impulse to control people as well. you don't do it out of malice, though, it's something very subconscious that comes from fear. fear of not being able to achieve your goals and being criticized by others.

🌙 moon in taurus, 20° / 3rd decan ruled by venus and saturn

the moon is exalted in taurus, so it's definitely a good placement! you're very peaceful, you try to avoid conflicts when you can. taurus' most striking feature is that they crave stability, whether it's financial, in love etc. you must be very stubborn, as taurus is a fixed sign, this placement, paired with your hard-working scorpio and virgo energy, makes you settle on making your ideas concrete, and it's very beneficial. it makes you capable of achieving any goals in your life. you're also very artsy, and you may fancy particular art styles. you have a good eye for aesthetics, and you care a lot about the looks of your house, body, clothes etc. you have excellent concentration, and that is another thing that helps you achieve your goals and make your ideas concrete. last but not least, you're amazingly patient, and that makes you a great friend. probably, they vent a lot of their worries to you, as you're also a great listener.

taurus moon sextile pisces saturn: you’re very reliable and mature, almost serious. you always want to be seen as a point of reference, yet you tend to shy away from the spotlight. even though you may desire it, you feel too shy and pressured being in the centre of attention. you don’t like talking about your feelings; even if you do talk a lot, you prefer talking about news, hobbies etc. you don’t want to be the subject of the conversation. because of this, you tend to repress your emotions, as you don’t want to be seen as vulnerable. you’re a nice listener, your friends can rely on you when they need to vent without wanting an advice, as you’re probably not the best at finding a solution to their problems. you may find yourself wanting to follow a schedule, otherwise you feel as if you’re too relaxed and you’re not being productive. this is also a placement that can indicate coldness in your family environment / childhood. maybe your parents were quite strict, but overall it was nothing too serious that hurt you deeply. actually, you might have had a pleasant childhood, you have a nice memory of it.

taurus moon trine capricorn uranus: you’re the type to change your mind often, probably because you’re constantly coming up with new thoughts and theories since you’re so intellectually active. you seem emotionally cold, and you may actually be like that. in your case though, I see that with your heavy water energy, you feel so much all at once that at one point you need to detach from reality to calm down. even though you have troubles showing this side of you, you’re deeply quite sensitive. you’re very creative and intelligent as well, you come up with original ideas very easily. this placement, considering that it also forms a trine with your neptune, makes you extremely spiritual. you may have some sort of psychic talent, or at least you’re just very intuitive. you’re interested in finding out the truth in the world, and you’re willing to dive deep to uncover it.

taurus moon trine capricorn neptune: you care a lot about others and you treat others' problems as if they were yours, you get totally immersed in them. you have quite a vivid imagination, you're able to idealize and picture anything you want. while this placement gives you an incredible amount of creativity, it can also make you uncomfortable. in fact, you may actually find yourself imagining every detail of every situation, even the worst ones, and combined with your pessimism it isn't really the best thing. you have the soul of an artist; you have very enhanced emotions, and you're able to express them through artistic outlets. you could be amazing at writing poetry, books, art, music... also, your particular empathy of human's intellect can also make you an amazing psychologist or actress, as you're able to understand others' feelings and make them your own. you're extremely spiritual, and if you don't feel like that, you just have yet to have your spiritual awakening. you may be able to talk to spirits, for example, or perhaps you have very meaningful dreams. or maybe, you could literally predict the future through them. you're also most probably an avid daydreamer, you tend to get distracted easily because you're too busy thinking about random scenarios in your head. seriously, you could even make a movie out of them. you're also an hopeless romantic, and you dream of finding not just your spouse, but your literal soulmate. to make it simple, you want all of your daydreams to become reality.

taurus moon opposite scorpio pluto: your emotions are so intense that they almost scare those around you. in fact, you're prone to accentuated mood swings; when you're happy, you start smiling and laughing joyfully. when you're sad, you're the type to cry, scream, even throw up in some cases. that's how far you go with your emotions. maybe, you also feel repressed to express your feelings exactly for this reason. you probably also have a conservative/possessive mother (or just any member of your family), with whom you don't feel at ease expressing your emotions. or maybe, your mother was absent throughout your life. on the other hand, you can understand others' feelings, but be careful not to use it to manipulate others. you could also be very paranoid, and might develop addictions and anxiety disorders, especially with your virgo rising. if you don't feel comfortable speaking to someone you know and there's something you need to talk about, I'd suggest you to do it with a therapist. don't be afraid to face your emotions, you'll only be able to control them if you get know them.

🗣 mercury in scorpio, 5° / 1st decan ruled by jupiter

you're extremely blunt and straight-forward, you may actually hurt people with your words. you probably lack diplomacy, and you're very realistic. the thing is, you speak the truth, but not everyone can accept it. that's why your behaviour is so controversial. you speak fluent sarcasm, and that could annoy people who don't understand your sense of humor. you're probably good at lying, and even manipulating people. you may often make others change their mind just with your own words, but be careful not to use this skill to hurt others, or you'll only experience a sense of guilt and overall the bad sides of it. on the other hand, you're an extremely captivating speaker, you'd be successful at anything that involves the use of words and voice. you're truly intuitive, and it's easy for you to understand when someone is being honest or is lying to you. last but not least, you're very secretive as well. you're probably the type to know everything and anything about others, while you remain a mystery.

scorpio mercury square capricorn uranus: you have a very distinctive way of thinking and speaking. you don't like being like others, you don't follow trends. you're probably the trendsetter, and you may find confidence and pride in your ideas and opinions. some may even define you weird, but you have very strong beliefs that could actually be helpful for the world. you're quite 'ahead' of others from this point of view, you're able to find beauty in things without being influenced by others. for example, you may follow a fashion trend before it gets viral. you are able to come up with very innovative ways of solving problems, you're extremely creative. you may even be the type to invent your own words, or perhaps you love learning and reading new words, you have a wide vocabulary. you're also probably interested in science and any darker or logical topic, you want to use your words and theories to change something in the world. you want to leave an impact, maybe even help others through your mind. you have a very witty sense of humor, you most likely speak fluent sarcasm and you're also very astute. the problem with this harsh aspect is that you may come off as a know-it-all, especially with your virgo rising. you're proud of your intellect, you can't help but show it off, but obviously others may be jealous of you or feel attacked. for your voice, I assume you have a very particular tone, maybe even a nasal voice. you're also very intuitive, but sometimes you may be too proud of your intuition and jump fast to conclusion, even though I assume that your virgo rising makes you also look at the details, not just at the bigger picture.

❤️ venus in sagittarius, 5° / 1st decan ruled by jupiter

people may consider you flaky, as you value freedom above all. you may be the type that likes making new experiences regarding love, and you often date your crushes. yet, you feel too limited in a relationship. you don't enjoy committing to someone if that someone isn't perfect for you, you're only completely loyal to the one you consider your true love. you can't give up your freedom, your thirst for adventure and experiences for someone else. basically, your ideal partner would be a risk-taker, someone loyal but not too clingy, that is down to go on a road trip in every moment. someone impulsive, that could help you stepping out of your comfort-zone. you're probably into those youthful love stereotypes, e.g. high school dates. you want your relationships to be filled with excitement, you despise boring, traditional and cheesy things. you may also find yourself being attracted to unavailable people; that is, you could fall for people that are already taken, or maybe they're physically unavailable, e.g they live abroad or in another city in general. you're also attracted to foreigners, and people that have a wise, yet bubbly aura around them.

sagittarius venus conjunct sagittarius mars: you are very serious when it comes to love. you seek intense, long-lasting relationships, filled with both romance and passion. ironically, you tend to attract people that are the opposite, who are only looking for fun and casual romance. that could afflict your self-worth significantly, as you feel unlucky in love. this is also another placement that indicates that one of your parents, probably your father, or still anyone of the opposite sex probably influenced your approach to romance and sex. there are different scenarios I have in mind, but I'll talk about it later in the family life section.

sagittarius venus conjunct scorpio pluto: this placement is extremely intense; you have very high standards when it comes to love. you're a passionate, loyal lover, but at the same times you also want and need a lover that is willing to go as far as you go with your feelings. you may often test your partner to see if they're worthy of your love, for example. you have this sort of self-destructive behaviour that makes people stressed, just because you have extreme trust issues and you feel the need to control everyone, especially if 'everyone' is your lover. you find yourself being more attracted to 'darker' types; that is, you may be into bad boys / girls, someone with an edgy / grunge aesthetic. you're probably into the idea of that passionate, even kinky love, despite being quite afraid of opening up to others. you despise too much intimacy, especially since you may often attract and / or fall for self-centered players that don't care about the intensity and purity of your feelings. you may have a few trust issues that lead you into being extremely jealous and / or possessive. you could even get quite stalker-ish at times, but in the best way possible of course. that isn't because you want to take over your partner's life, but you need to feel secure and understand whether you're dedicating your time and your heart to the right person or you're just wasting yourself. a betrayal would hurt you deeply, as you'd literally die for the one you love.

☄️ mars in sagittarius, 13° / 2nd decan ruled by jupiter and mars

you are driven by a strong sense of justice that makes you want to discover the truth. you hate lies of any kind, you want sincerity from those around you and you're the first to be constantly honest. you value your freedom a lot, your life motto is most likely 'live and let live'. you think everyone should live their lives by their own standards, without feeling afraid of being judged or criticized. you're a very pure and genuine person, you hardly ever judge a book by its cover, and you're also extremely open-minded. you're thirsty for knowledge of any kind, you're always up to learn something new. you may also be interested in foreign languages and cultures, as well as philosophy, literature... anything that can teach you something new about the world. you may be quite impulsive, and when you get angry you tend to be very blunt. you may say things that hurt others, as you're brutally honest, even though that wasn't your intention. you may also appear as flaky, since you don't like feeling tied to something or someone. you could often change your favourite colour, food, singer... you despise boredom, and your need for freshness may also manifest in your relationships.

sagittarius mars conjunct sagittarius jupiter: this aspect enhances your sagittarius energy even more; you are very strong and bold, you are a very curious individual and you want to explore everything about your surroundings, making you almost a risk-taker. I find this a good placement, as it helps you being less practical as a virgo rising, living more in the moment but not too impulsively. you have high expectations, and with this placement you are assertive enough to make your dreams come true. you are very brave, and even if you get scared to still seem collected; the problem with this placement is that you may be quite impulsive, you may say or do things that could hurt others and you could feel guilty about it, as you may often find yourself in unpleasant and / or embarrassing situations. you may also tend to get physically violent when you get really angry, or at least you feel the need to vent your anger phisically.

sagittarius mars square pisces saturn: this is another placement that indicates that something or someone is trying to restrict you, they're trying to prevent you from following your dreams and taking your own choices for your life. that someone is most likely an individual that has a lot on impact on you, it's someone very authoritative. or perhaps, it may even be a bully or abuser of any sort. as a result, you either rebel and get extremely angry, or you hide all of your disappointment inside of you. but soon or after, all of your intense feelings are going to eat you alive if you keep going like this, it's a very unhealthy behaviour. you could find it extra hard to achieve your goals, as when you try you always come across some hardships. what matters the most, is that you try to be more positive, you could even try manifesting more patience or serenity. you can't hold onto anger so much, or it will just fill you with negativity that could damage you. let it all go, focus on your goals and try to understand how to be more patient. in fact, you may often feel like you need to do everything as soon as possible, when it's not like that. you can allow yourself to be more calm and live life as it comes, it will make you feel much better with yourself and you'll also get more mature, which is crucial to learn your saturnian lessons and increase your self-confidence.

⭐️ other aspects

sagittarius jupiter square pisces saturn: you have lots of sagittarius energy in your chart, meaning that you are a very intelligent and creative person who loves exploring the world. yet, with saturn making a square to your sagittarius jupiter, you are restricted from showing this side of yourself. you try to be optimistic, you want things to go well, but you always end up being afraid of what could happen, making you question your fortune or even your own choices. you may come across very important opportunities, for instance you could get an offer for a very successful job, but saturn makes you constantly doubt yourself, restricting you from taking the risk and making new experiences. to cope with this placement, I'd suggest you to start living more in the moment, don't try to plan everything out in your life. all you need to do is keep a positive mindset, as your jupiter energy makes you naturally lucky. you have nothing to be worried about.

sagittarius jupiter opposite gemini midheaven: this placement indicates that your jupiter, aside from being opposite to your midheaven, is also conjunct your sagittarius ic, making this energy even stronger. as a result, you probably had to travel a lot during your childhood, you must have a foreign background. it could be that you grew up in a different country from where you were born, or maybe you were always close to foreign cultures or languages. you were probably also a very diligent student, you used to get good grades. because of this natural broad-mindness of yours, you naturally aspire for success. you have tons of ideas for your future, and you're determined to make them become concrete. this is mostly a beneficial placement, as it guarantees you luck in your career, even though you may experience lots of 'almost winner' situations. you may often be not satisfied with your career or even with your life in general, and as a result you don't enjoy what you have. you probably always aspire for more, and as a result you may take your opportunities for granted.

pisces saturn sextile capricorn neptune: this placement is quite beneficial, as it makes you able to turn your dreams and imaginations into reality, something concrete. in fact, many people with creative jobs, such as writers, singers, etc. have their saturn aspecting neptune. you may have an artistic talent that you could possibly even turn into a career, as you're able to get in touch with your deeper self easily. you are able to fantasize and daydream, you have high aspirations in life, but at the same time you also naturally know how to stay grounded, without having your head in the clouds. because of that, you are able to see both sides of an argument, you're probably equally logical and spiritual.

pisces saturn square gemini midheaven: saturn squaring your midheaven indicates that, when you were younger, you probably had quite a few difficulties you had to endure during your childhood. it could be that your parents were particularly strict, and as a result you couldn't express yourself properly. or perhaps, it may even be that your parents are divorced, or maybe one of them is absent, emotionally or even physically. as a result, you had to learn how to take of yourself since a young age, you've always been a responsible person. it could also be that you had problems outside from your family, you most likely were a shy child who had problems socializing with others, and you could have even been picked on because of that. becoming independent would be a sort of revival for you, you'd finally achieve success and you'd become very confident. you could finally have the opportunity to express yourself and understand who you are. this placement also indicates that you're going to be a very important figure in your workplace; you may work as a teacher or as a leader or boss of any sort.

capricorn uranus conjunct capricorn neptune: this placement usually only shows up when you are working with groups of people, when you're trying to lead others. you are a visionary, you dream of a perfect future and you'd do anything to actually turn thay future into reality. you are very sensitive to global causes, such as feminism or blm, and you aren't afraid to show your support towards minorities. you are a very sensitive person, you have an innate awareness of the world to you that makes it easy for you to understand what is right and what is wrong. you are also very intuitive, and you most likely have some sort of psychic ability (or you may awaken one if you started a spritual awakening). you are highly aware of both the 3D and the 5D, the material world and the spiritual realm, and as a result you have thousands of interests, from philosophy to more 'superficial' things, such as fashion for instance.

capricorn uranus sextile scorpio pluto: this is another placement that indicates that you want to fight for the underdogs and against unfair social laws. you aim for a transformation that will make everyone, regardless of ethnicity, gender and sexual orientation, feel accepted and safe. you are highly concerned in social justice and human rights, you are a trend-setter and, because of this natural open-mindness of yours, you may even be seen as eccentric or rebel. this is also another placement that makes you naturally good at leading, I definitely see you having an important position in your job, you may even pursue politics.

❤️ love life, soulmates

in love you attract pisces, sagittarius, gemini, aquarius and capricorn placements. your future spouse will most likely have some of their planets in gemini or capricorn; they’ll be well-balanced, with a stable job and finances. yet, they won’t be too much of a workaholic, as they’re also most probably a chill individual who loves relax and vacation as well. they could also be foreign and very open-minded. yet, they could be quite impulsive and chilidish at times. your children will have aquarius placements, as well as pisces and cancer traits too. they’ll be extremely open-minded and intelligent; they could be a bit rebellious, but in a very woke and revolutionary way. they'll be very creative and emotional too. also, this placement indicates that you may get pregnant unexpectedly, so be careful to that.

👶🏻 family life

your mother was probably very outgoing, sociable and open-minded. she was probably very intelligent too, and she could have been a successful student. she was basically the perfect, nurturing mother. yet, she probably was too emotional, she could have even been quite possessive or moody. she probably has sagittarius and / or pisces placements in her chart, as well as 9th, 12th house placements. you could have also had to travel a lot during your childhood, perhaps you moved abroad or maybe you're bilingual. your father, on the other hand, was probably less strict than your mother. he had a complex personality, he most likely used to act different based on the situation he was him. but you most likely used to play a lot with him, you had fun together. he could have been very sociable and intelligent too. he may have gemini or virgo placements in his chart, as well as 3rd and 6th house placements. if you have siblings, they have scorpio or aries placements in their chart, as well as 1st / 8th house placements. you might have fought a lot when you were young, there were many control issues and your bond is very intense. yet, you're still very affectionate, and your bond will probably get better as time goes by. they may also have taurus, libra, pisces and / or sagittarius in their chart.

📊 career

your future career will most likely involve communication of any kind; you could have to interact with other people, and hence you may work in a place that allows you to communicate with others and that can get quite crowded, like a shop for example. you'll most likely start from these small jobs, like working in a cafe for example. yet, your gemini midheaven indicates that you can handle way stronger careers; you would do amazing as a writer or journalist for example, or perhaps you could even become an amazing teacher / professor. I also see you working abroad or in contact with foreign people. you may become a translator of any kind, or maybe a stewardess, anything that will put you in touch with other cultures. you will start from simple things, but as time goes by, you'll be able to become more independent, maybe even a leader. you probably won't have to depend too much on other people.

👚 fashion sense, style analysis

your sagittarius energy screams grunge! you probably love 90s/00s aesthetic, with fishnets, black, burgundy, belts, leather jackets... all of this stuff. also, oversized clothes are a must for you. you may especially be fond of wearing tight tops with baggy jeans or viceversa: tight pants, possibly leggins, with big, long sweatshirts and t-shirts. it's very comfortable, but you still make it look trendy and particular with your charisma. you may also love printed things, especially graphic t-shirts. for shoes, I'd say trendy sneakers and boots are a must in your wardrobe.

👁 past life, life purpose

during your past life, you probably didn’t have as many challenges as in this life. you most likely used to depend on someone else; perhaps, you married someone rich, hence you didn’t really have to work for your resources. this lifetime, you need to step up your game and become independent. your path to luck and abundance may be long and steep, but your venus being conjunct the north node indicates that you may achieve great personal success in this lifetime. you just need to work on your self-esteem and have stable finances, you shouldn’t over-indulge. to boost your security, you could try using loa, as well as the advices I gave you above.

🤔 major transits analysis / may 3rd

a few unpredictable, possibly painful events may occur in this period of time, as transit uranus is in your 8th house almost conjunct your natal moon. there could be an unexpected loss of money for example, or even death. maybe also an issue surrounding your family life, or something metaphorical. something will happen that will surely change your view of things and will help you have a major transformation.

🧿 manifest what you want, secret skills

with your water placements, you probably have a 6th sense. you’re able to manifest what you want if you subconsciously predict it, even though it may be hard. you’d have to get in touch with your higher self to do so, and hence I would suggest you to light up some candles and meditate for a bit before manifesting, in this way it will be way more effective. you may manifest something while daydreaming, for example. or perhaps, you can also try listening to your own affirmations while you sleep, as you won’t be consciously aware of that. it’s probably the most effective way.

and this is it! thank you again for booking a reading, hope it resonated with you :)

- libramc xx ♎️

#astrology

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