#theres jean speaking my very thoughts a second later

[smoosnoom]

also ! ive been watching attack on titan . no spoilers everyone im currently a little bit into season 4

[taleasnewastime]

Break my heart

Yoongi x reader genre: fluff; angst word count: 2.1k

a/n: Based off the song “Break my heart” by Dua Lipa. Theres slight angst but overall it’s very fluffy. As always I hope you enjoy!

The sound in the room grew audibly louder and you glanced over the top of your drink to see what the commotion was all about. A man walked through the entrance; he wore a simple oversized black top with skinny black jeans ripped at the knee. His face was somber as he glanced round the room but you could tell he was enjoying the attention. You took another sip of your drink as you continued to stare, intrigued by the new figure. Although he hadn’t taken more than a few steps through the door there was already a few people gathered around him trying to get his attention, but failing. He slowly made his way over to the bar and said something to the bar man who nodded his head and started to make whatever concoction the man had ordered. The man continued to scan the room meeting your eyes for a brief second before moving on. You gave a sigh as you turned away to take another sip of your drink and glance down at your watch. You were supposed to meet your friend here 10 minutes ago but she was currently a no show. You didn’t even want to come out and would’ve stayed at home if it wasn’t for her. You decided you’d give her a total of 30 minutes from when you were supposed to meet to show up, otherwise you were going. 20 minutes to go. You looked down at your watch again mentally setting a timer.  

You looked back up to where the man was sitting, drink now in his hand. Some beautiful woman was talking to him, or more, at him, as he looked like he couldn’t care less. As you took in more of his features; dyed brown hair falling straight over his forehead, moon shaped eyes and a downward mouth, you recognised him from almost every billboard and TV advert. Now you understood why everyone was trying to gain his attention. It was Min Yoongi from BTS.  

You took another sip of your drink finishing it off. Maybe you should buy another drink. You look down at your watch to see if you had time to buy another. However, your thoughts were interrupted by a voice behind you.  

“Hello,” a male voice sounded from behind you.  

You spin around in your chair to make eye contact with the guy who had everyone’s attention. Why the hell was he over here and why the hell was he speaking to you? You continued to stare at him in shock.  

“Hello,” Yoongi repeated, both of you staring into each other’s eyes this time.  

It was at that moment that you knew you should definitely have stayed at home.

After that night you and Yoongi started to casually see each other.  

At the bar he bought you a drink after introducing himself, although you already knew who he was. You chatted for a while before your friend finally showed up and broke up whatever was going on between the two of you. He took your number and left the bar.  

You thought that would be the end of it. Not that it even started. But a few days later your phone pinged with a message from the man himself. You met up for more drinks in a different bar. You had noted how again everyone stared at him as he walked through the room. Centre of attention. He went back to yours after the drinks and that’s when he started sleeping over.  

It was always that way round. He always slept at yours, not that you minded. He would show up with food or alcohol and you would chat on your living room floor until the early hours when things always started to get heated.  

The next morning, he would always leave before breakfast no matter how many times you offered. Once he was gone you would always be in a trance. You still wish you’d stayed at home that night at the bar when you met him, you were doing so much better before, when you were alone. Now you can't get this man out of your head. He is all you think about and you wonder if you stay in his mind when he leaves your flat. You know this is a ridiculous thought. He is Yoongi, he could get any girl he wants and you are just here to pass the time until the next best thing comes along. But however much this pained you can't let him go and cling onto the nights when he turns up to your flat.  

“Y/N,” he says your name like you’ve never heard it before. You feel his hand run down your bare back and you can feel the sunlight on your face as it streams through your open curtains. This is the time of day you hate the most as you know he is about to leave you.  

You groan slightly as you turn around to look at him. His hair, which has recently been dyed blonde, is a mess on top of his head and his eyes are puffy from sleep.  

“I need to head off soon,” he whispers as you curl up into him.  

“Can I tempt you with some food before you go?” You ask this every morning and his answer is always the same.  

“Why do you do this to me?” He grumbles into your neck.  

“What? Try to be a good host and offer you some food?” You laugh at him.

“You know I would love to stay, but I can’t. I have work.”  

“Just this once can’t you be a bit late.”  

“Do you really want me to stay?” He holds you back so he can look into your eyes.

“Why wouldn’t I?” You state, forehead scrunching slightly in confusion. You thought you had made your feelings perfectly clear to him.  

He stares a bit longer before humming and pulling you back into a hug.  

“What is this Yoongi?” You mumble into his chest, not sure if he can make out what you’re saying.  

“I don’t know,” he sighs, squeezing you hard before letting go and standing up gathering his clothes and putting them on.  

You pull the covers around you as you watch him dress.  

“So tonight. Shall I bring over that take-away we had last week that you loved.”

You thought for half a second as you watched him trying to flatten his hair in the mirror. “Sure,” you smile at him as he looks at you through the mirror.  

“Great. I can't wait,” he walks over to kiss you on the forehead before turning to walk out the door, “I'll see you tonight then,” he gave one last glance back before walking out the door.  

“Bye,” you whispered to yourself as you hear your front door open and close.  

You flop back on to your bed with a groan. A thought runs through your head am I falling in love with the one that could break my heart?

That night a knock on your front door makes you jump. You have to stop yourself from running to the door knowing who it will be. You take a deep breath in before pulling the door open.

Yoongi is leant up against the door frame, take-out bag in hand, baseball cap on his head and in all black.  

“Hello,” he smirks at you. He says it the same way he did on the evening you met each other and it still doesn’t fail to make your heart skip a few beats.  

You don’t say anything in return, just simply step aside signalling for him to enter. You grab the bag off him as he walks past you and you head to the kitchen.  

“Make yourself at home. I’ve put some wine in the living room,” you say over your shoulder.  

You grab some plates and begin to dish up the food into something that looked semi presentable. As you walk into the living room you notice Yoongi messaging someone on his phone. As you approach him, he quickly shoves his phone away and you think nothing of it.  

“Thanks for getting this,” you say as you place the dish in front of him.  

“And thanks for getting this,” he says back presenting you with a glass of wine that you clink with his. His phone pings, signalling he has received a text, but he ignores it.  

“So how was your day?” He asks.  

“Tiring. I have that big project due in by the end of the week and I feel like it's all falling on me to finish it. I have no idea what I’m doing.”  

“You’ll get there. And I’m sure whatever you are doing is great, they wouldn’t trust you with this if you weren’t.”

You gave him a small smile before taking another sip of your wine. “Anyway, I don’t want to talk about that, it's too stressful. How was your day?”

Before he could respond his phone pings again.  

“Am I keeping you from someone?” You slightly laugh as he continues to ignore his phone. Inside your heart picks up a bit. You always felt like this thing you had going on with Yoongi was too good to be true and he must have some other women lined up. His phone buzzing with incoming texts only confirmed this in your mind.  

“Nope.” He replies, but his cheeks betray him as they start to go red. “My day was great. I managed to record some more for that song I wrote.”

“That’s amazing Yoongi! How much have you got left to do before it’s finished?” You know he is avoiding talking about the mystery texter and you decide to go with it.  

“Urm, not too much. Just a few tweaks here and there should do it,” he says as he starts spooning food into his mouth.  

“And then do I get to hear it?”  

He starts to go red again. And then as if he couldn’t go any redder, his phone signals another text coming in.  

“Seriously, if I’m stopping you from seeing someone I won't be offended,” your voice comes out sharper than you mean it to as you start to get a tad angry.

“It’s no one seriously,” he half mumbles, eyes to the floor.

“I’m sure she’s beautiful. And probably more fun than me. So seriously if this evening is stopping you, I’m not going to be offended if you leave.”  

“What are you on about Y/N?” Yoongi looks up at you, eyes puzzled, nose slightly scrunched in confusion.

“We both know you could have anyone you want. I’ve seen the way everyone looks at you when you walk into a room. And I’ve seen the way you enjoy how everyone looks at you,” your rambles reveal all your insecurities.  

“What’s brought this on Y/N?”  

“What is this Yoongi?” You sigh, defeated.  

“I told you last night, I don’t know,” his voice soft.  

“Well maybe we should discuss that. I think I’m falling in love with you.” You say the words with your eyes on his crossed legs, voice just as soft as his.  

The silence that endures is shattering. Your eyes look up to meet his. His face is in shock.

“I understand if you don’t feel the same. It’s just I can’t not tell you anymore. You’re all I think about when you’re not here. You’re all I look forward to in my day. And if you don’t come in the evening I can’t sleep at night.” You sigh as you continue to stare at him, his face still in shock. “Listen. Like I said if I’m keeping you from something better, I won't be offended if you want to go.”  

“There’s nothing better,” he finally speaks out.  

You give a small smile at him. He pushes his plate away and crawls over to you pushing you so that you are lying on your back and he is hovering over you.  

“There’s nothing better,” he repeats, eyes staring into yours. “I only ever want to be here with you. It kills me when I have to leave for work every day. And it’s the best part of my day when I get to knock on your door and see it open to your face. It was the best decision I’ve ever made to go and say hello to you at that bar.”  

You lean up to kiss him and he takes your lips in his.  

“It was Jungkook texting me. He keeps asking me to bring you round to ours,” he smiles down at you. “And I will. I just want you to myself a little longer.”  

You give a small laugh, pleased your earlier thoughts were wrong “OK, just please don’t break my heart.”

“I’ll try not to,” he says before kissing you again.  

[athenasbloodyspear]

Say Something to Stop Me: Chapter Two

Writing Master List | Say Something to Stop Me Master List

Please note: This fic describes depression, anxiety, panic attacks, past/referenced non con and domestic violence. Please read at your own discretion.

________________________

You wake to a slight pounding in your skull right between your eyes and an extremely dry mouth. You groan and flop onto your back, squinting at the bright light streaming through the window. Rolling to glance at the clock on your nightstand you discover that it is 6:30 in the morning. It makes sense, you estimate you fell asleep somewhere around 7:30 last night.

You suddenly shoot straight up in bed, your heart pounding. Oh my god. Bucky. He carried you here last night. You’re still wearing your jeans and t-shirt from the night before. There’s a glass of water and two small white pills on your nightstand and your shoes are laying right next to the bed. He must have put you to bed. You don’t remember anything after he picked you up.

You flop back against the pillows and stare at the ceiling above your bed, watching the early morning light flicker. A small smile fights its way to your lips. You couldn’t stop the growing grin if you tried. Bucky. James Buchanan Barnes himself carried you to bed last night and for some reason your heart is leaping around in your chest. You can almost feel it bouncing around in your rib cage. What the hell is wrong with you?

You put both hands over your face and let yourself giggle for a moment. You feel like a teenager who just spoke to her crush for the first time. Your fingers are a little tingly and you feel like there are butterflies making a nest in your abdomen. After a few moments of this you suddenly decide you have to get your shit together and go thank him.

Swinging your legs over the edge of the bed and standing up proved to be more painful to your brain than you expected. You had to promptly sit back down on your mattress as your head spun and your vision began to tunnel. You hated hangovers. They made you feel so dizzy and weak. You attempted standing again, slower this time, and took a second to orient yourself to your now vertical stance.

You were… giddy. It felt strange to be fully present in your body and feeling something beyond apathy, but it was also the most relieving feeling. You gave another small smile to yourself. You felt more like yourself than you had in months. Immediately upon realizing that, you heard a voice in your head start whispering things to you.

Don’t spend any time being happy. You’re an embarrassment. If he knew who you really are lately he wouldn’t waste any time on you.

Oof. Just like that all the wind left your sails. You could feel your shoulders curve instinctively. The voice in your head was technically right. Bucky would be so embarrassed and disappointed in you. He’d never look at you the same. None of them would. They respect you for your strength and resilience, and if they knew what happened they wouldn’t see you as strong anymore. You’re not the person who you thought you were. Everything about your personality that you loved had shattered into pieces about seven months ago and you didn’t even know what to do about it.

You squeezed your eyes shut and shook your head. There had been a moment just now. A brief wonderful moment that you saw clarity. That you felt like the person you used to be. It had been months in a row of feeling like your head was stuck under water. The world felt blurry, the sounds around you were muffled. You felt like your lungs weren’t really getting the oxygen you needed. But for a moment this morning, with the sunrise reflecting off the metal beams of the ceiling, your head had crested the surface. You had taken a huge breath of air and felt the sun on your skin for the first time in such a long time.

How did it slip from you so quickly? You were sinking under again, but instead of the drifting feeling you’d had, it suddenly felt like every muscle in your body was kicking toward the surface. You didn’t want to drown anymore. You wanted to feel the sun on your hair and the breeze across the back of your neck. You wanted to run and run and run and actually feel the oxygen in your lungs.

It suddenly felt very dire that you move. That you didn’t stand here with your eyes closed in limbo. You had to move, go somewhere, do something, talk to someone or you’d fall deeper. You shoved your feet into your sneakers and stumbled out the door with no real direction in mind.

I suppose I could just go thank Bucky. That’s a good starting point.

You whip your feet to the right and head farther down the hall toward Bucky’s room. Once you approach his door and knock you have a moment of silence to organize your swirling thoughts.

What are you going to say to him? Thank you I guess. Oh god you were still in your clothes from last night and you’re positive that your breath is probably so rank it would kill flies. You swallow hard and take a reflexive step back from the door. If you’re farther away, he might not be able to smell you. You try to take a surreptitious sniff of your armpit and you actually don’t smell quite as bad as you expected, but you still don’t exactly smell as fresh as a daisy.

Your head is spinning, but he’s not coming to the door. It’s at this moment that you realize that it is in fact only 6:30 in the morning and it’s entirely possible that everyone stayed up much later than 7:00 last night and could still be sleeping. You slap a hand to your forehead. God you’re so spacey lately.

You whip around to head back to your room when Friday speaks into the hallway above you.

“Agent Barnes is not home, Y/N. Agents Barnes, Wilson and Parker left around 6:00 this morning on a short reconnaissance mission. They should be home this evening. Bucky did peek his head in your door this morning before they left. You woke shortly after.”

Ah. Okay then. So the two people you were thinking of trying to talk to this morning are gone. In fact, the person who probably would have been third on the list of doors to knock on is gone too. Shit. You still felt restless, like if you didn’t keep treading water you’d drown. Absentmindedly bouncing on the balls of your feet you chewed on a thumb nail. Friday spoke again.

“Natasha is downstairs in the kitchen making coffee. Just so you know.”

You look up at the ceiling. How did Friday know you needed to talk to someone? Was Tony watching and wanted you to talk to Nat? Did Nat ask Friday to tell you? Did you care?

“Thanks Friday.” You say to the ceiling. You spin and begin your walk to the elevators.

“Anytime.”

~0~

Nat was indeed making coffee in the kitchen. She looked up when you stepped in and smiled.

“Morning Y/N. How’s that head?”

You chuckled at that and shook your head, wincing a little as your brain sloshed around in your head. “It’s… a little painful I won’t lie.”

“Sit. Coffee, water, tylenol and a really messy egg sandwich will help.”

“Thank you, Nat.”

She turned and started the coffee machine before walking to the fridge to grab you a glass of water. You leaned over the counter and placed your forehead in your hands. Suddenly two tiny little pills and a glass of water were pushed into your field of vision. You lifted your head and saw Nat walking over to the stove with some butter, eggs, cheese and bread in hand.

“Thanks.” You swallow both pills and then spend the next few minutes just slowly trying to get as much water down as you can. When your glass is empty you stand up to refill when suddenly an egg sandwich is set down in front of you.

“Sit and eat. I’ll refill for you. Milk in your coffee?”

“Just a splash. Thank you, again.”

Nat smiles. “You’re welcome.” She returns with your coffee and fresh water in hand. As you dig into your sandwich she leans her back against the kitchen island across from you.

“So. It sounds like James had to carry your ass to bed last night. What’s up with that?” Nat tosses casually over her shoulder. There’s something in her voice that you can’t quite pick up on. There’s a subtext you’re missing.

“Um. I was drunk. On accident. I think I was just dehydrated and didn’t eat dinner. I almost fell on my ass so he uh… carried me.” You keep your eyes on your egg sandwich, your cheeks felt like they were on fire with your blush.

“Hm. I don’t remember you being such a lightweight. If I remember correctly, when we were in Vienna you nearly drank Thor under the table.” Nat quips.

You huff a laugh. You nearly had. God you missed that big hulking brute. You really hoped things were okay in Asgard. “Yeah… I just am out of practice I guess.” you say through a mouthful of eggs.

“I suppose that’s not the worst thing to be out of practice with.” Nat says, turning toward you fully this time. She’s looking at you like she asked you a question even though she definitely did not.

“I suppose” you mutter back. You hadn’t felt anxious since walking in the kitchen, but now theres a small seed of panic in your gut. You shift a little in your seat, shoving the last bite of egg sandwich in your mouth. She’s giving you her Black Widow interrogation stare and you don’t like it.

She breaks the silence. “You’re kinda also out of the ‘talking to your family’ practice.” The last bite of egg sandwich gets lodged in your esophagus. You choke and start hacking a cough as you try to force the suddenly very dry bits of bread down your throat. Nat just leans her elbows on the counter and lifts one eyebrow at you. “What’s up with that?”

“Oh. Um.” You’re sputtering as you try to get air back down your throat. “Uh. It’s nothing personal. Just kinda… don’t feel like talking.”

“Hmmm.” Nat hums as she leans back. She slaps her palms against the countertop. “Well, you better muster up the strength because Tony has a therapist scheduled to start coming here every other week. No ifs, ands or buts. You’re going to spend an hour every two weeks with her whether you ‘feel like it’ or not. Got it?” She turns to go.

“Yes ma’am.” You mutter.

“I thought I told you never to call me that again.” Nat tosses over her shoulder as she picks up her coffee and starts to exit the kitchen.

“It’s a reflex, Nat. It’s hard not to when someone talks to me like a commanding officer.”

She pushes her hips against the door to open it and rolls her eyes at you. “Whatever. She’ll be here at three tomorrow. You can meet her in the conference room. If you’d rather not be around with prying eyes it sounds like it’s gonna be sunny tomorrow. Maybe you could sit by the lake.” With that she leaves.

“Okay.” You say out loud to the empty room.

~0~

Even though your moment with Nat was brief this morning, and rather scathing, you still feel better than you did standing in the middle of your room this morning. You’re not quite on dry land, but you feel your nose and mouth are at least above water and you’re breathing more deeply.

You spend sometime in the gym. You go back to boxing and lifting some weights. You figure that part of Tony’s forced therapy is that he cares about you, and also probably that they need you back on the field. It’s rare that they send Peter on recon missions as they don’t like to pull him out of school if they can help it, so Steve and Tony must be a little short handed at the moment. You should probably start getting back into field shape. Although, with how much running you’ve been doing you could probably hold your own out there.

After working out and showering you decide to wander around the outside of the complex. Nat was right, the weather is pretty pleasant right now so you might as well get some fresh air.

You think about your impending date with a therapist tomorrow. You feel a small twinge of shame twist in your chest when you think of it. Steve and Tony are so busy all the time, and yet you let your own stupid emotions and inability to cope make them worried. They had to take care of you, again. It’s exactly the kind of self hatred spiral that you’d been sucked into lately.  

This was all just so unlike you. It was so antithetical to everything that you held as your core personality traits. The reason that Tony and Steve had hand picked you to be the one that got the final dose of super serum they had uncovered is because you were resilient. Time and time again, mission after mission you had kept a cool head. Rolled with the punches. You’d been knocked down, beaten, stabbed and shot and still stood back up and jumped back into the next mission they’d offer. Sometimes even begging to be sent out before you got your medical clearance.

You’d gotten along with the team instantly. Even back when you were just a basic agent running their com links. You’d been trying to coordinate a million different channels and Sam had made some sarcastic comment about how the new kid was causing interference on the channels. You’d been trying to juggle so many things at once that you hadn’t even registered that you had snapped back that if he could just be smart enough to block his head while fighting and keep his com from being bashed around, your job wouldn’t be so hard.

There had been a moment of silence on the other end of the line and then all at once 4 different com links lit up as laughter spilled into your ear piece. You’d heard Nat ribbing Sam for always forgetting to block his ears and Steve cackling that “the kid just really got you.” Tony was chuckling quietly and Sam was saying “Fair. Fair.” You couldn’t keep the smile off your face.

That was who you were. Managing what felt like a thousand com links, and still making jokes. You were cracking up with Sam on the battlefield. Helping Nat try to set Steve up on dates while you were doing recon. Laughing while you and Bucky beat each other up on the sparring mats.

You didn’t know the person you had become this year. Laying on the floor of your living room for hours on end? Not answering the door when Peter came over after school? Not taking a single mission for nearly 9 months? It just started one day and then just snowballed and snowballed. The more you laid around, the more you just hated yourself for not being able to get back up.

I mean c’mon . You’d been shot once busting up an arms deal in Sudan and all you did was laugh before hopping back up and clobbering the guy over the head with a loose cement block. Bucky had panicked and run your way when he saw you get hit, insisting he medivac you out. You had just winced and put a hand over the hole in your shoulder and said “and miss all the action? No chance.”

It baffled you that you couldn’t pull it together now.

Maybe the therapist would be good. As much as you hated to admit it, you clearly needed help.

A rumble in the distance alerted you that the quinjet had arrived home. You wandered across the grass to the landing pad to say hi to your friends. You could thank Bucky for last night and maybe ask Peter to watch a movie tonight. Or you could help him with his homework, not that the kid needed it. Just something. You suddenly really didn’t want to be alone.

As you rounded the corner of the building and caught sight of everyone, you realized that everyone was running around a little too frantically for your comfort level. You heard Sam yell “Someone get him to the med wing.”

“On it!” That was Steve.

Your heart froze in your chest and you paused mid step. You felt very torn between running toward the jet, and running clear in the other direction. You weren’t sure if you could handle whatever it was that was happening. It was then that you saw Bucky walking down the ramp of the jet with a red suited body cradled in his arms.

Your heart restarted with a vengeance and your feet moved on their own. Sprinting toward the jet. A choked “Peter!” ripped from your lungs.

As you stepped up on the landing pad Sam caught you around the waist and pulled you back. “He’s fine Y/N. He’s gonna be fine. Just needs some stitches and a concussion check.”

You were panting hard as you stood up on your tiptoes to peek over Sam’s shoulder in time to see Bucky pass Peter to Steve. You placed both palms on Sam’s chest and pushed with all your strength to get him out of your way. It was unfair, you used all your super strength against him. His breath wooshed from his chest as he skidded a few feet back. You started your dash towards Peter again before two arms, one warm and one cold, wrapped around your waist and dragged you backward.

“Stop. Stop sweetheart. Give him space. He’s just dazed.” Bucky grunted as you slammed into his chest. His lips brushed the shell of your ear as he dragged you backwards away from the retreating form of Steve. Your hands scrambled for purchase over his arms. Pushing with all your strength against the metal and flesh wrapped around your middle. He, unlike Sam, did not budge.

This was your fault. You couldn’t get your shit together and Peter had to go on a mission for you and he got hurt. It was your own damn fault.

“Breathe. Please breathe for me. C’mon baby breathe.” Bucky was lowering you down to your knees now. You were suddenly aware of the concrete of the landing pad beneath your knees. Your breaths were ragged and choked. You felt like you were breathing through a straw. “Whoa whoa whoa sweetheart. You have to breathe for me.”  

Bucky was on his knees now in front of you. He had pushed back a bit so he could look into your face, but his arms were still wrapped tightly around you. You could feel the rise and fall of his chest as he tried to get you to match the pace of his breathing. You couldn’t tear your eyes off the door that Steve had just walked through.

“I can’t” you choked out. “Peter.” It felt like your throat was closing up. Where was the oxygen in the world?

“He’s fine. I promise. He got a little distracted and someone bashed him over the head with a two-by-four. He probably needs like 2 stitches in his eyebrow. He was also a little panicked and dazed, that’s why I was carrying him. It’s fine.” Your eyes flicked to Bucky. He was scanning your face now. He looked absolutely petrified.

“You’re lying. You’re lying to me right now. I have to get to him.” You tried to stand up. To push him away. Bucky and his damn bionic arm didn’t move.  

Bucky wraps his arms tighter around you and pulls you back down. You’re basically smashed against his chest now. He lets out a frantic humorless laugh “I am not lying to you. I’m terrified because you’re hyperventilating and I need you to breathe. Now.”

All at once your muscles go slack and tense at the same time. You stop fighting Bucky as it registers just how low on oxygen you are. Your heart is pounding nearly out of your chest and your throat keeps getting smaller. “I-can’t” you choke. Your chest spasms a bit as your abdominal muscles clench. You feel tears burning behind your eyes. Over Bucky’s shoulder Sam looks on with an equally panicked look on his face. He has one foot pointing away from you like he’s wondering if he should go get someone but doesn’t want to leave in case you need him.

“Yes you can. I know you can. Just match me, okay?” Bucky murmurs in your ear. His flesh hand is running smooth lines down your spine and he’s rocking your body very slowly back and forth. He takes a very deep breath and you splutter and choke as you try to force your lungs to match his pace. “That’s my girl. C’mon keep following my chest.”

Your body collapses fully against Bucky now. You bury your face in the crook of his neck and hiccup as you try to force your lungs into breathing cyclically in time with him.

The burn behind your eyes increases and you feel yourself slipping backwards. You’re falling deeper into the water the way you were this morning. Falling away from the sun and the breeze.

“I’m drowning. I’m drowning, Bucky. Oh god.” You pant.

Bucky whipped back to look you in the eyes “What?” he breathed. He was scanning your whole face and body, like he was looking for the source of water in your lungs. He didn’t know you meant it figuratively.

“I don’t know what’s happening to me Bucky. I’m so scared.” You whispered. You could barely keep your eyes open. Seeing the pain on his face, the look of pure terrified confusion on Sam’s face was so painful.  

Bucky brought his metal hand up to cup your cheek. “It’s okay. It’s okay Doll. I’ve got you. Sam’s here. It’s okay.”

You buried your face into his neck again. You couldn’t look at him. You couldn’t explain. With your head buried, you missed Bucky throw a questioning look over his shoulder at Sam. You missed Sam shrugging his shoulders. Both of your friends, at a loss of how to help you. All they knew to do at the moment was make sure you were breathing.

The tears finally came. Big, hot, wet tears pouring from your eyes. Your body shaking with the force of them finally escaping after months of holding them in. You were incoherent. Babbling now as you just tried to rid your body of this demon of pain that seized every muscle. “Oh my god Bucky. I just… I let him do this to me. I… I’m such an idiot. I just… oh god” you were practically seizing in his arms now, he was holding tight to you like he was trying to keep pieces of you from cracking off.  

“What?” He choked out.

“Him!” You wailed. “I let him hurt me. I let him destroy who I am and I don’t even know why.”

Bucky was running a hand through your hair now. Softly whispering “Shhh it’s okay. It’s okay” into your neck. Sam had moved closer and placed a hand on your shin in quiet support. He had his head bowed and was looking at the concrete. You stayed in your tableau for a long time. Like a renaissance painting frozen in time. Slowly your heart beat went back to a steady rhythm and your breathing evened out.

Eventually, you sniffled and leaned back to look at Bucky. You were sure your hair was a mess, your face was splotchy and you probably had snot and tears running down your whole face. In fact, you probably got snot all over him. You really hoped it didn’t mess up anything in his arm.

Bucky looked at you quietly. He seemed to be waiting for you to speak, offering you a life preserver in a sea of uncertain emotions. Your voice was raspy when you finally spoke “I want to see Peter.”

Bucky just nodded and picked you up to set you on your feet. He backed away with his hands still on your hips, like he was worried you couldn’t stand on your own. “I’m okay.” you mumbled as you tried to smooth out your hair and use the sleeve of your t-shirt to wipe up your face. “I can stand. I’m okay.”

You turned and started walking back into the compound, the two of them flanking you as you began the trek to the med wing.

~0~

Upon arriving in the medical wing you snagged a tissue from a nearby box and tried to wipe up the rest of your face. You glanced at your reflection in one of the nearby glass panels and winced at how puffy and blotchy your face was. You tried to rub your face to even out the tone of your skin, but there was nothing you could do about how puffy your eyes were.

After walking farther down the hall you spotted Peter. Sitting up on a table where Dr. Cho was shining a light in both of his eyes. As you stepped into the room you just heard her say “A slight concussion. You should be cleared for activity in a week or so.” Before turning to put away all of her instruments.

“Hi.” You squeaked out. When Peter turned his eyes in your direction you nearly burst into tears again. He had brightened and smiled at the sound of your voice, but when his eyes hit your face his smile fell.

“Are you okay?” He asked. Sliding off the table to walk over to you. You glanced behind you and saw Bucky and Sam hovering just outside the door of the room. They were very obviously trying to watch you without looking like they were watching you.

“I think that’s my line.” You chuckle as Peter wraps you in a hug. Over your shoulder, Peter shoots a questioning look at Sam and Bucky.

Sam speaks up. “Someone got a little freaked when you got carried off the jet.”

Peter pulls back to look at you again. “Oh god Y/N. I’m okay. I promise. I just got a little overwhelmed when I realized I had let my guard down and panicked, and then I got dazed when I got whacked on my head. I’m okay.” When Peter notices the water fill up in your eyes he pulls you back in. “Oh please don’t cry. I’m fine. Just four stitches is all.”

“Bucky said you were only gonna need two.” You grumbled into his chest. Peter snorted. In the hall Bucky humphed.

“Four is not that far off, okay? I was close.”

Peter was rubbing his hands up and down your arms and laughing softly. “You know I think I’m supposed to be the one comforting you,” you noted, “this is sort of backwards.” Then all three of them were chuckling. You pulled back from Peter to look at him. “I’m sorry for being a baby, you just scared me.”  

“ I scared you?” Peter questioned “I think normally it’s you who shows up here all bloody and unconscious scaring the hell out of me, so I guess it was my turn.”

You chuckled a bit and grinned at Peter. His eyes lit up when he caught the upward tilt of your lips and he hauled you back against his chest. “I missed you, Y/N.” Peter said quietly.

“I’m right here, Peter.”

“Yeah, you are.” Peter sighed. Then he pulled back to look at you again. “Movie night? Maybe in the common room so everyone can watch? We haven’t finished the Fast the Furious movies yet.”

“Oh god I’m not watching if you’re past the third one.” Sam groaned from the hall. “They just went downhill after that.”

“Good news for you then birdman, we’re on Tokyo Drift.” Peter called out as he wrapped his arm around your shoulders to walk you out of the room.

“Who you calling birdman, spider punk?” Sam shot back.

You snorted. All three of them whipped their heads to look at you. “What?” you asked indignantly, “It was funny!”

Bucky reached out and mussed your hair. “There she is.”

You pushed back against his arm. “Oh shut up, Terminator.”

Sam buckled over and held his stomach as he cackled, Peter’s chest shook next to you.

“What’s a terminator?” Bucky asked, making Peter and Sam laugh harder. Peter had to lift his arm off of your shoulder to put his hands on his knees.

You patted Buck on his metal shoulder. “I’ll tell you when you’re even older, you dinosaur.”

Sam and Peter stumbled forward down the hallway together, wheezing through their laughter. Their arms placed on each other's shoulders, quoting the terminator and wiping tears from their eyes.

You and Bucky followed behind them on your way to the common space. When Peter and Sam were far enough out of ear-shot Bucky spoke.

“You okay?”

You glanced over at him. He had his eyes on the two men stumbling down the hall together ahead of you. He was trying for nonchalance, but you could tell he was still on edge.

“Yeah, Buck. I am. I will be.”

He turned to look at you then. His lips curled up into the smallest of smiles, but it was enough to get you to return one. He threw his arm over your shoulder and dragged your head into his shoulder as you kept walking. “Yeah you will.”

And he was right. You would be. Not all at once. Not right away. But you would be. The sounds of your two friends laughing up the hall was proof.

[pokylittlepreppy]

Three Whole Weeks

Its been three weeks since you’ve seen your boyfriend and you’re not ok. How does it happen that you fall so in love with someone so quickly? You don’t know but you have. He is everything that you’ve ever wanted in a man and he makes you ridiculously happy. But you’ve been gone back to New York to work on a script and he, of course, is filming his show. So, its been two weeks worth of phone calls when the two of you can catch each other. Facetiming is the worst because you can see him but you can’t touch him. And you’d rather not see him if you can’t touch. It’s pure torture.

But tonight you’re back in the rental home that the two of you share when he’s filming. Theres a big back yard for the bear. You and boyfriend find yourselves out there often on his days off; having picnics and enjoying the warmer weather. Or when it’s colder and snowy, you’ve attempted to build a snowperson and that ended with cute snowball fights and sloppy kisses in the snow.

You sneak in because its late and you know that he has to be up in a couple of hours to work out. He thinks that you’re coming in later the next day but you couldn’t wait to be back, so you finished with the writers and took a early flight in order to surprise him. But you should’ve known that once the bear was aware of your presence that he would awaken his owner. That’s how it went in the Cavill household. Before you could put your bags down in the guest room, you heard the snuffling at the bedroom door. And then you heard his voice.

“What is it, bear? What’s wrong?”

More snuffling and whining at the bedroom door. You thought about not announcing your presence but that could potentially end badly. If Henry thought that you were an intruder, theres no telling what he would come out of that bedroom with. So you let him know its you.

“Hey, its just me, babe”.

The door opens in a flash and there they are. Henry and Kal. Henry’s surprised face breaks into a wide grin when he sees you. And Kal runs over and nearly knocks you off of your feet.

“Come on, bear. Don’t drag her down, mate”

You lean over to scratch the excited hound on the top of his head.

“It’s ok. I missed him just as much as he missed me. Didn’t I boy, yes I did” you speak to the dog in baby talk.

“And what about his owner?” asks Henry

“Well his owner… eh. A little” you say teasingly.

Without warning Henry has you pushed against the wall and is flush against you.

“Oh really?” he says raising an eyebrow.

You giggle a little until you feel him rub against you. And suddenly the moment is no laughing matter.

“You know that I missed you more than words can say” you whisper looking up into his eyes.

“Then lets not use words and you can show me how much you missed me. I prefer actions to words anyway”, he whispers with his lips pressed gently against yours.

You kiss your man sweetly and he lets you get away with that for a second before he is thrusting his tongue between your lips. Your arms reach around and pull him closer with your hands splayed against the wide expanse of his muscular back. He smiles against your lips and cradles your face in his large hands. He deepens the kiss as he maneuvers a thigh between your legs. You let out a low moan as he positions himself between your spread legs and pushes you further into the wall. His hands move down to your ass and he lifts you up until you’re eye to eye. You wrap your legs around his waist and move your hands to his neck where you instinctively start to play with his hair; fingers twinning in the curls at the base of his scalp.

Its his turn to moan into your mouth. One hand is holding your head in place while the other roams your body. He breaks away and looks into your eyes. You smile at him and you both know he’s a goner after that. He gently pecks your lips, then your cheek, and then your chin. His hips thrust up between your legs as he kisses his way down the column of your neck. He buries his nose in the crook of your neck and inhales your scent. It’s one of his, many, favorite places on your body. He’s told you more than once that he loves the smell of you, which in itself, is one of the sexiest things you’ve ever been told by a man.

Your breath catches as his hands roam over your clothed breasts and his mouth latches onto your neck. You both agree that you’re too old for hickies but a light gentle suck never hurt anyone, right? A second later you’re pulled against his chest and his lips fuse with yours and there’s movement. Then you’re being tossed, unceremoniously, onto the bed. You look up at him looking down on you and you’re taken away by not only the lust you see in his eyes, but also the love. This man really loves you and you feel the same. You lean up onto your elbows and want to make a joke to lighten the heavy mood in the room, but you can’t think of anything to say, so you say the only thing on your mind.

“I love you.”

He bends down and kisses your forehead and then looks you in the eye.

“I love you too. More than you could possibly know.”

“No, I think I know. You do your best to show me and that makes me love you even more.”

He kisses you on the lips this time. You reach for the hem of his shirt; he pushes your hands away and pulls it off one motion. Next goes his briefs and then the man you love, who loves you too, is naked in front of you. What a glorious sight it is. He’s beautiful, though telling him that does no good. He knows that he’s handsome and will smirk knowingly when someone tells him. But when you tell him how beautiful he really and truly is, it doesn’t seem to register. All that false bravado goes out the window and suddenly he’s a shy kid again. But he is beautiful, inside and out. Instead of telling him, you try to continuously show him how much you love him.

“Your turn, love” he says as he moves to unsnap the buttons of your top. He’s slow, frustratingly so, with the buttons of your shirt. You see that this is intentional, the cheeky bastard is smirking at you. You let out a huff of frustration.

“Patience, sweetheart, we have all night.”

“Actually, we don’t. Some masochist I know has to be up in a few hours to work out”, you reply.

“You know you love the results of those workouts”, he says as he slides the shirt down your shoulders and arms.

“Yes, I do” you say as you run your hand down his chest and abs, trying to reach his crotch.

“No, love. We’re going to take this slow tonight”, he says as he reaches for the clasp on your jeans.

You lay back on the bed to give him unfettered access to you. He undoes your pants as slowly as he did your shirt. He’s torturing you. Well two can play that game. As he pulls your jeans down, you grab his arms and pull with all your strength. Its not that you’re particularly strong but he is taken off guard by the action and you end up with a very naked. Henry Cavill lying on top of you. You shimmy the jeans down your legs and kick them off then proceed to wrap your legs around his waist.

“You’re taking all the fun out of this, Y/N”, he says pouting.

“Don’t you think that I’ve had plans for this reunion also?” you ask sweetly. “I planned on sneaking in here, getting naked and riding my boyfriend until his alarm went off.

He buries his face in your neck and lets out a guttural groan, which between that and his hard cock pressed against your pussy, just made you dripping wet. The imagery was just too much for both of you.

“We can still do that, babe. But first, let me take care of you. That’s my job”, he says.

“We will take of each other”, you reply.

“We always do”, he says kissing your collar bone.

You run your fingers through his messy curls again and pull him until his lips are on yours. The kiss is is gentle at first but as you begin to rub against each other, the kiss gets to be more and more frantic. Suddenly his hands are behind your back, working the clasps of your bra and his lips are once again trailing their way down your neck. Finally, the bra is undone and tossed away. His lips are back on yours as his hands trail over your nipples. Without warning, his lips replace one of his hands and he is sucking on your erect nipple. You gasp and writhe under his skilled touch. He moves from one breast to the other, making sure to give them equal attention. Your hands are in his hair urging him closer. His hands are on your hips in the hem of your panties. In one fell swoop, they’re down around your ankles and then, too thrown to the side. His face is in yet another of his most favorite places on your body. You can feel his breath on your vaginal lips. And then you feel his lips place the softest kiss there.

“Hello, there, I can’t tell you how much I’ve missed you”, he says to your vagina.

You let out a laugh and lean up to look down at him, ready to make a sarcastic comment, but before you can open your mouth, his tongue darts out and licks a strip down your slit. All rational thought leaves your brain as you let out a moan. He licks again. And again. You’re back flat on your back as he continues to lick. He grabs your legs and puts them on his shoulders as he begins to alternate between licking and sucking. Your hands are twisted in the comforter as you squirm and moan. His hands roam your body, up your stomach to your breasts. He grabs a handful of each breast as he eats you, playing with the nipples and rubbing them between his fingers. He sucks on your clit and you throw your head back and arch your back, shoving your crotch at his mouth. His hands go back to your legs, in order to hold you in place. He’s licking up and down and your hips are moving with against his tongue. You pull at one of his hands until it reaches your mouth, and you lick his middle finger before enveloping it in your mouth. He moans against your pussy. So, you add another finger. You suck on his fingers and he sucks on your clit, moaning on each other. He pulls his hand away and brings it back down and shoves the two fingers that have been in your mouth in your pussy. You’re up off the bed as he works your pussy. You feel the coil in your belly tightening.

“Oh, baby, I’m gonna…” a scream rips through you cutting off your declaration. You arch off the bed into his mouth again as you cum on his fingers and tongue. And he isn’t slowing down. His fingers and tongue are still working on your clit and in your pussy. You’re trying to come down but he’s working you right back into a frenzy, focusing on your sensitive clit. His tongue licking and sucking, and he drags his fingers in and out of you.

“Honey… baby… please”, you beg as you try to push him away. He grabs your hands and holds them down on the bed as he continues to devour you. Moments later, you feel another orgasm building inside you. All you can do is lay back and ride the wave as it overcomes you. You cum screaming his name, “HENRY!” Your legs are shaking, and you have two handfuls of comforter. Your eyes are squeezed shut and your breathing is erratic. His lips are still on your clit and you’re back to begging as you try to come down again. This time he has mercy on you but not before he places one more kiss to your pussy lips. He releases your hands and moves to hover over you, with a hand on either side of you. Your eyes are still closed but you can feel him looking at you. Slowly, you open your eyes and he’s smiling. Jerk. You reach up and pull his face to yours. ‘This should definitely count as a workout, this is totally a pushup’, you think to yourself. You giggle a little at how ridiculous you are and then your lips touch and you can taste yourself on him. You kiss languidly as you try to shift, so that you’re on top. He’s not having it.

“Not tonight love, I…” he looks to the clock on the bedside table. “I still have to be up in a few”

You pout but you understand. He has responsibilities and commitments, and he is dedicated to keeping those. That is one of the things you love about him. It’s what makes him such an amazing man.

You can feel his cock bouncing at your entrance, ready and hard. You pull him down again in a kiss and wrap your legs around his waist. He takes this for the invitation that it is. The tip of his cock is at your entrance and with one thrust of his hips, he is bottoming out inside you. The air is pushed from your lungs and a sharp gasp escapes your lips. You rake your nails gently down his scalp and neck until your hands rest on his shoulders. He is still as he gives you a moment to adjust to his size. You know what he’s doing, he’s done this every time you’ve made love since the first time. You open your eyes. He’s looking at you, looking for any real signs of discomfort or unwillingness. You smile at him and that’s what he needs to continue.

He begins to move slowly, still allowing you to adjust to his size.

“I love this feeling, love. Me inside you”, he whispers while looking down at and moving inside of you.

He’s still anchored above you. You pull him down so that he’s flush against you. Your breasts pressed up against his chest as he moves. The two of you move that way for a while, his cock buried deep inside you and looking one another in the eyes, whispering your pleasure and declarations of love between kisses.

“Did I happen to mention how much I missed you?”, he asks.

“Once or twice. I missed you too”, you say. You know that it’s getting late and the last thing you want to do is rush this, but you know he’s going to be in for a day of hell if he doesn’t get some sleep. So being the wonderful and considerate girlfriend that you are, you say the only thing you can in that moment.

“so, are you going to fuck me or what?”

“Oh, is that what you want?” he asks jokingly.

“Well, I was kinda hoping that my big strapping boyfriend had missed me enough that maybe I could get slutted out tonight. But I guess if you’ve been satisfied by someone else in these last few weeks and don’t need it, then this is fine”.

“Look at my little cock hungry girl. So, you want to take my cock?”

“I’m already taking your cock. We’re making love right now and I love it but what I want is for you to slut me out on this cock. Hard, fast, dirty”, you say looking him in his eyes.

“Fuck”, he says as he stares at you hungrily.

He kisses you one more time and then he’s shifting your legs to his shoulders. He pressed down into you and you can hardly breathe. He is so deep inside of you now.

“Are you ready?”

You nod your head. The first thrust is hard, fast, and deep. You’re already screaming.

“You’re ok?”, he questions.

You smile and nod, “I’m fine. This is fine. I promise”, you reassure him.

He presses a kiss to your forehead and thrusts into you again, a little less forcefully. And then again, and again, and again. Your thighs are trapped between your chest and his and your calves dangle over his shoulders. He’s hovering over you with an arm on either side of you to give him leverage while he thrusts inside you. You can hear and feel his thighs slapping against your ass. The sensation inside of you is maddening. He is so deep you swear that you can feel him in your stomach. You’re getting wetter and wetter the more he fucks you. Your nails are digging into his massive biceps. As he’s pounding into you, he whispers into your ear how much he likes fucking you. He whispers how much he loves your pussy.

“Oh, love, this pussy was made for me. It’s mine, isn’t it? This pussy belongs to me, doesn’t it?” With every word, his thrusts got harder and faster.

“You love the way I fuck you, don’t you? Yeah, you do. Like getting fucked like the little slut you are. Fucking nasty little slut likes her pussy pounded. Don’t worry, love, I’m going to fuck you good”.

His words and his cock have you dripping wet and moaning like the whore he’s saying you are. Your hands are gripping him tight and trying to pull him closer.

“Oh yes… oh yes”, you cry as he begins to thrust faster inside of you.

He is jackhammering inside you and your legs are beginning to shake. You can’t tell if its from the fucking you’re receiving or the exertion of your leg muscles from the position, but you’re not about to ask Henry to stop.

“tell me you like”, he says.

“I…” you try.

“TELL. ME. YOU. LIKE. IT!” he demands though gritted teeth, punctuating every word with a thrust of his hips.

A scream rips from your lips as your nails scratch lines down his chiseled back. He pushes your legs down, so they’re at his waist. He uses one hand to hold himself steady as the other reaches and grabs you by the throat, applying light pressure to either side of your larynx.

“That’s fine you little slut, won’t talk? Now you can’t talk”.

Your eyes roll into the back of your head. It feels so good. Your lips are still trying to form the words to tell Henry how much you love the way he fucks you, but your mind is drawing a blank. Both of your hands are at his waist trying to pull him in closer. The pleasure is spread through your body like fire. Your hands are gripping at his side and you’re so close to cumming again. Henry knows this and reaches a hand between your bodies to rub your clit. Seconds later, you’re screaming and clawing you as you cum on his cock.

He doesn’t stop, but he does lean down to kiss you and ask if you’re ok.

You nod yes. Your bodies are drenched with sweat, its dripping from his forehead as he leans over you. His beautiful curls are in disarray from your hands. You assume you look the same. You lean up to kiss him while he continues to stroke inside you. Suddenly he’s pulling out.

“Roll over, love”, he says to you.

You obey and roll onto your stomach. You feel his hands grip your hips and pull you up on all fours. He slides his cock back in your pussy. You both moan at the sensation of him filling you. No adjustment period this time, his next thrust is deep and pushes you face first into the bed. You catch yourself and start to get back to the original position but a hand on your back keeps you there. Henry’s hips are snapping into you relentlessly and from this position he’s so deep. You can hear his grunts and the wet slapping sound from your bodies meeting. You, also, hear yourself begging and pleading with Henry to fuck you. Harder. Faster. Deeper. He pulls you up and grabs your arms to use to leverage you back on his thick cock.

Five strokes into this new position and white light is exploding behind your eyes and you’re cum screaming and crying. He continues to pull you back onto him, over and over, until you hear his breath hitch. Then the thrusts get erratic, and you know your boyfriend is about to orgasm. Seconds later, he thrusts into you as he pulls you back on him and holds the two of you in that position. Then he pushes you onto the bed, following while he continues to pump into your pussy. He’s still moaning, breath hitching occasionally, while he pumps his cum into your willing pussy. You’re both breathing heavy and coming down from intense orgasms. He’s still, almost subconsciously, thrusting into you from behind while you lie there. He begins to kiss your shoulders and neck.

“It’s ok, love. Its ok”, he whispers into your hair.

When your breathing and hearts rate are finally back to normal, he pulls out of you and rolls you both over so that he is on his back and you’re laying partially on top of him. His hands are rubbing up and down your back and arms making you shiver. Henry thinks you’re cold, so he reaches down and pulls the cover around you both.

“welcome home”, he says chuckling a bit.

“If this is the greeting I get then maybe I should go away more often”, you respond.

“Don’t you dare”.

[barnesandrogersfanfics]

Saving Grace - Part 9

Steve leaves you and your son to go back to Peggy unaware your pregnant.

Your heartbroken and struggling without Steve until Bucky Barnes steps up to help you out. With you and Bucky growing closer everyday will he be your saving Grace?

I was sat on the sofa nursing Grace when the front door swung open and a laughing Harrison came running in.

"You better run pal I'm gonna win!" I heard Bucky chuckle.

"No way!! I faster!!"

I turned just in time to see Harrison throw himself in the armchair declaring himself the winner while Bucky was carrying various bags of groceries in.

"Hey doll" Bucky smiled over at me with a wink before heading into the kitchen.

"Uncle Buck i win!" Harrison yelled happily.

"Yeah you did Buddy, good job" Bucky called back sounding amused.

"Wow your so good bud" i smiled at my biggest baby, he just laughed and run into the kitchen.

"Okayyyy" i mumbled as i straightened up my shirt and moved Grace so i could wind her. Harrison came running back seconds later with a pink t-rex stuffed teddy in his arms.

"This is for Gracie" he said holding it out.

"It is? Oh my god! She loves it baby"

"I picked it out"

"He really did, i couldn't say no" Bucky chuckled walking over and giving me a kiss.

"Its very sweet babe, but where's my gift?"

"Im your gift" Bucky wiggled his eyebrows at me making me laugh.

"Your such a dork"

"I know but you love this dork" he shrugged with the cockiest grin spread on his face.

"Oh i regret it...." i shook my head teasing him "here take your daughter i need to pee so bad" i said getting up and passing Grace to him before quickly darting to the bathroom.

Coming back into the living room a few minutes later i smiled seeing Bucky cuddled up with both kids who were fast asleep.

"Wow that didnt take long" i chuckled sitting in the armchair "your like the baby whisperer"

"I took Harrison to the playground on the way home, think he wore himself out and lil miss is in a milk coma!" He laughed looking down at Grace who was sleeping with a smile on her face.

"Hey, so i was thinking of asking Wanda to come watch the kids the weekend" i said suddenly feeling really nervous as i played with a loose thread on one of the scatter cushions.

"You mean...."

"Yeah if you want...."

"Of course i want!" Bucky nodded quickly making me chuckle.

"Good! Thats good, i thought maybe we could go up to my dads cabin and get Wanda to stay here with the kids. I dont really want them at the compound incase Steve shows up"

"Sounds good to me doll, but just so you know Sam said Steve hasn't been around for weeks. He seems to have realised how bad he messed up"

"Even so, it will make me feel better about being away from them if i know their here"

"Okay I'm sure Wanda wont mind being here, she practically lives here lately anyway" he rolled his eyes.

"Shes just trying to help" i said sticking up for my friend "and its a godsend to have her around while your working"

"I know I'm just teasing" he grinned "its fine doll".

After 20 minutes or so of sitting watching TV with Bucky i felt restless and got up to head to the kitchen to make some tea.

"You okay?" Bucky asked instantly.

"Yeah just making some tea"

"Okay, its just you've been a bit quiet"

"Didn't want to wake the kids" i shrugged and carried on to the kitchen. While waiting for the kettle to boil i suddenly found myself standing there silently crying. Since having Grace id occasionally burst into tears for no reason, now would apparently be one of those times!! damn hormones!!

After grabbing a tissue and wiping away any evidence that id been crying, i splashed some cold water on my face and continued making the tea (a coffee for Bucky) and headed back to the living room.

He was sitting alone on the sofa when i walked in and looked at me with a smile.

"Where are the kids?"

"I put them to bed, baby monitor is on the table" he pointed to the split screen monitor in front of him "i need some time with my girl now, come here mama" he smiled holding out a hand towards me. I couldn't help but smile as i put the mugs down on the table and took his hand. Bucky tugged me towards him and pulled me down onto the sofa to lay with him, his front pressed to my back.

"Feel better?" He mumbled against my ear as his hand caressed my hip slightly.

"Im fine Buck..."

"I heard you crying doll"

"Its just hormones, i didn't even realise i was crying at first"

"If something was wrong you'd tell me right?"

"Of course i would" i told him truthfully reaching back to kiss him "i may fall asleep in a minute I'm exhausted"

"No problem, you should get some sleep while the kids are sleeping...."

"Okay, just stay with me"

"Always".

The next day i headed to the compound to talk to Wanda about having the kids while Bucky and i went up to the cabin. I had checked Steve wasn't around before going over, i wasn't in the mood to deal with that today. I had Grace with me but Bucky had taken Harrison to the zoo for the afternoon, since Grace arrived we had made an effort to spend time with Harrison on his own so he didn't feel neglected and end up hating his baby sister!

"So what brings you by here? Its been a while since you stopped by" Wanda asked rocking Grace in her arms.

"I came by to ask if you were free to watch the kids this weekend...."

"Oooh you finally got the all clear for physical activities huh?" She teased wiggling her eyebrows at me.

"I did! And stop that!" I laughed "i think we've been very patient!"

"Oh you have i know!! Of course i'll look after them" Wanda agreed straight away smiling like an idiot "its what aunties are for anyway"

"Thanks Wan, could you come to us though? I dont want them here incase he shows up"

"Yeah thats fine, makes sense anyway. Everything i'll need is at your place"

"Thats great, i'll get the guest room set up for you".

I had been at the compound for a couple hours now and thought it best to head home and start on dinner. Bucky and Harrison would be back from their day trip soon. I was just about to get up and get Grace settled in her pushchair when i heard Wanda speak up.

"What are you doing here?!"

I snapped my head round and there stood Steve Rogers in jeans and grey henley, his beard had grown back in and his hair looked a little longer..... just how he had looked when we first started dating!

"I...i was looking for Sam, we're meant to be going for a run" he replied holding up his duffle bag.

"Well can you go wait somewhere else?"

"Its fine Wanda I'm leaving now anyway" i gave her a tight lipped smile and finished getting Grace in her pushchair.

"Y/N..... could we talk for a minute? Please?" I heard him ask.

"I've got to get home Steve, Harrison and Bucky will be back soon?"

"please? just a few minutes?"

"Steve, she said no!" Wanda snapped at him, they had always been close and it was horrible to see the distance between them now.

"Okay...." he said sadly turning to leave.

"5 minutes" i suddenly said shaking my head at how stupid i was agreeing to this.

"5 minutes is good, thank you".

"I'll stay close by, yell if you need me" Wanda said quietly to me as she left, we both knew Steve heard every word though!

Steve walked over and sat in the chair next to me, he leaned closer to the pushchair to look in at Grace and smiled.

"She's beautiful Y/N"

"Thanks. So what did you want to talk about? Like i said i need to get home"

"Right" he nodded "Bucky and Harrison been anywhere nice?"

"Bucky took him to the Zoo for the afternoon"

"Man i miss trips to the zoo, Harry always loved seeing the lions" he smiled at the memory.

"His favourites are the wolves now"

"The wolves huh?"

"Yep ever since Shuri and T'Challa visited and called Buck 'white wolf' his been obsessed with them" i shrugged.

"Thats cute" Steve nodded sadly before looking up at me "im sorry. Im sorry for everything..... i should never had left"

"No you shouldn't have, but you did. You can't change that Steve"

"I know. I dont know what i was i thinking sweetheart"

"Lets not not do this again. It wont change anything.... you chose another woman over your fiancé and your son! All those years i gave you and you chose a woman you spent 5 minutes with a 100 years ago!!" I took a deep breath trying my best to stay calm and not shout at him, i didn't want to wake Grace "i loved you so much and you threw it in my face. You didn't even have the balls to say goodbye"

"I know" he admitted avoiding eye contact and we sat silently.

"If you could go back to that day, the day you left us..... would you still do it?" I asked breaking the silence.

"I dont know.... i had a beautiful life with Peggy, but i missed you and Harrison so much. There was no way to get back to you, the machine hadn't been invented yet so i had no choice but to embrace my life with Peggy"

"You know what? Im glad you went" i suddenly told him shrugging my shoulders "if you had of stayed here Bucky and I wouldn't be together" i saw Steve grit his teeth hearing me mention his best friend "and i can't imagine my life without him, i love him more than any man I've loved before. I thought what you and i had was the real deal, my big love..... but i was so wrong. Bucky is it for me Steve, so i guess i should be thanking you for leaving"

"Theres no second chance for us is there?"

"No. Maybe down the line somewhere we can try to be friends but it'll never be what it was" I got up getting ready to leave when he cleared his throat and wiped away a few tears that had escaped.

"What about Harrison?.... can i spend some time with him? I know i dont deserve it but I've missed him so much"

"Thats up to Harrison. I cant make him spend time with you Steve, but if he wants to.... its something we can discuss. Look i really need to get home, bye Steve".

Saving grace tags:

@jennmurawski13 @kenzieam @captainchrisstan

@s-t-r-i-k-e-us @lets--be-honest

@ms-betsy-fangirl @damnaged-princess

@farfromtommy @disneylovingal @lbuck121

@billweasleey @rynabarnesrogers

@heathens-takeitsl0w @lacontroller1991

@supervengerslock @barnesandrogersworld

@mariswritingforfun @perpetually-tuned-out

@thummbelina @marvelousstyles

@broco8 @ineffableg-irl

[seijch]

just binge read ur previous asks for the sleepover and i was very much entertained😌 how would ur top 3 ACTUALLY dress? like we always see those “outfits the hq boys would wear” but they seem so... unrealistic😭🤚

whack me w a pillow or smth (sleepover event)

OK HI I WAS THINKING ABT THIS MY WHOLE SHIFT N ENDED UP HAVING ENOUGH BRAINROT TO TYPE A WHOLE THING IN THE NOTES APP SO HERE WE GO!!! 😈💯

ok im typing this after finishing the post but i rlly like the way this came out so everyone please read it if you want to see me brainrot over konoha kenji n kuroo ...

KONOHA is definitely a man who Knows his essentials ... knows the beauty of sweatpants and joggers and knows that he looks Good in a solid colored tee (but doesnt shy away from print ... its just that if you open his closet its literally black white n the occasional pop of color) i would LOVE to say he accessorizes but no he doesnt 💔💔 its his fatal flaw too ..... dont be shy aki let me buy you one of those chain bracelets!!!!! those are sexy as fuck and i PROMISE they would make him look even better!!!!!!! in general he gives me big silver or white gold vibes even if i cant see him wearing jewelry on his own :/ its ok if he were to date me id make him come around to the idea ...

he gives white air max 90 or air force 1 vibes does that make sense . if anything has color in his fit its maybe some print on his shirt but if not its DEFINITELY his shoes ... i was thinking abt this but i think hed look good in the bel air jordan 5s but maybe thats just bc i wanted to get a pair NJFKDSFS if we want to get a little less realistic (i mean not rlly bc i know ppl who do this) he probably keeps up w supreme drops n its less to resell and more to get the clothes at retail price which is MUCH more reasonable than resell (i think its 40 for a shirt? idk my friend keeps up w it n i love to hear him brainrot but that doesnt mean i retain ALL the information 🤕)

:: go-to outfit? say it with me ... white shirt/crewneck sweater if it’s cold with sweats. if he needs to dress it up, hell throw on some plaid or switch it up w some nice jeans. unlike the other two he has a good idea of how to dress throughout his life which makes looking Back a much . easier experience compared to the other two LMAO

FUTAKUCHI swears by the denim gods when he needs to actually Care abt his outfits and im MAD abt it bc how dare he look good .... im going to fucking kill him 🪓🪓🪓🪓 the image of kenji in a denim jacket w a hoodie underneath n some ripped jeans haunts my every waking moment you dont understand......... hes ALSO a plaid man which pisses me off even more .... but im going to be honest he uses outerwear to hide the fact that theres definitely a hole in the armpit of his favorite shirts ... hes had them since high school kenji PLEASE buy some new shirts!!!! probably suffers in summer bc he cant wear jackets n stuff without looking weird (has definitely said hes wearing plaid For The Fit when in reality its bc theres a stain on the back of his shirt from when he sat in bird shit. its Artistic baby speak your truth!!!)

at least you can convince konoha to wear jewelry if you keep at it ... while i think kenji gives silver vibes over gold i dont think you would be able to convince him to wear it unless youve already bought it and basically ambush him with it JKSDFDS if anything i think hed settle for those leather bracelets ... its ok his ego is fragile ❤ shoe wise idk he gives me vans vibes (so does konoha but he also looks like a nike stan so i said that instead). if he lives somewhere cold he probably owns a pair of those classic wheat colored timbs (You Know The Ones)

i can tell you RIGHT NOW that in elem and junior high he was one of those kids w the neon athletic fits that took pe too serious when he got in the groove 😐 shut the fuck up n pass me the ball kenji were in fourth grade i shouldnt be failing PARTICIPATION in PE 🗣🗣🗣

:: go-to outfit? a rlly comfy denim jacket (hell let you borrow it if you bitch enough n hell be like Sigh . The Things I Do For You but when you slip it on hes abt to combust) w a shirt that probably has a chili stain at the hem of it n ripped jeans. the white slip on vans. i hate that he looks good.

KUROO is . idk i feel like hes a lot harder to pin down but he probably shopped at hot topic in middle school 💔 is this projection? maybe. am i WRONG abt it tho ... ANYWAY like everyone who grows out of that phase, he has Taste ... post college or just at the club i KNOW he understands the effect a slightly unbuttoned black shirt has 👁 prob rode the eboy wave bc he thought the fashion was nice so he might have a few of those clunky rings ... rarely wears them but bitch he SHOULD!!!! otherwise, i think he keeps it pretty simple! lots of hoodies and sweaters bc if he has no one to rlly impress hes big on comfort. owns a good amt of athleleisure (is that how you spell that hjkdfds) bc he does work out regularly but if you were to come across him during an 8am lecture i can guarantee all he did before coming to class is brush his teeth ... 

unfortunately not a chain man but while his rings may be black (yk like black titanium) or silver, if he were to wear a chain i think hed be fine with either silver or gold! i personally think hed look good in either 🙈 shoe wise i rlly cannot pin him down ... for running im seeing him leaning towards nike shoes but i like . cannot tell what hed wear regularly SHJFKDS 

what i CAN say is that when he was younger (and i mean until his second year of high school) he was one of Those Kids that wore the Quirky printed button ups but like . this time its not a compliment . in junior high he definitely thought those ... and it PAINS ME PHYSICALLY to say this ...... fingerless gloves were the coolest things around ..... i hate that i had to google that now im going to get ads for hot topic

:: go-to outfit? black hoodie w maybe some design or print on it w sweats or jeans (like konoha hell dress it up or down depending on where youre going). if you make him wear them hell even bust out the eboy rings he bought forever ago <33 i think later in life when hes more sure of himself (and i mean like after hs ... hes good in his 3rd year but i feel like hell still deflect compliments in the form of teasing and not believe it in 3rd year) he Knows he looks good so he doesnt rlly have to try unless you want to be That Couple that takes over the world one fit at the time ... in the end the only one he wants to impress is you 🙈

[shawnpetermuffins]

In Case You Didn't Know

(Based off In Case You Didn't Know by Brett Young)

Summary: Shawn's so in love with you, but he doesn't know how to say it.

A/n: this is all over the place, theres time jumps and flashbacks and no real distinction between them, so yeah. I actually really like this song and I might end up writing some more stories based off songs, so let me know if you want that.

Requested: no

Warnings: just fluff

***

I can't count the times / I almost said what's on my mind / but I didn't

She's sleeping soundly on the couch, head laying on the arm rest, blanket up to her shoulders. She's absolutely beautiful, I think to myself. Her hair falls messily in her face, lips parted with a soft snore, and even though she's covered, I know her arms are wrapped around her middle in an attempt to keep warm in this arctic apartment of mine. I make a mental note to turn on the heater after I take her up to bed. She couldn’t even make it through half of the movie before her eyes became heavy, and if I was interested in watching the movie, I wouldn’t have even noticed, but I was watching her the whole time. It’s the first time I’ve been able to see her this way, completely exhausted from studying for her exams, hair a mess, face bare and slightly red and blotchy from stress crying.

I want so badly to wake her sleeping figure and tell her to just quit, come on the road with me for the second leg of tour. I’ll take care of everything; I’ll take care of her. Anything she wants, it’s hers, no questions asked. But I can’t tell her that. Because no matter how stressed she is now, I know it doesn’t change how incandescently happy she is when she talks about her favorite class, her favorite professor. The way she talks about all the things she’s going to change when she finishes school.

Just the other day / wrote down all the things I’d say / but I couldn’t / I just couldn’t

Being with her only a few months, eight to be exact, I keep finding myself refraining from telling her how I feel. And I know that being on tour for six out of the eight months we’ve been together is definitely taking a toll on her, and me too. I’m never here when she needs me, and to see her the way she is right now, I know that I can’t keep these feelings from her much longer.

Because if she’s crying over a test that she’s about to take when I am here, I’m scared to know what she cries about when I’m not. Does she cry about me? About me not being here? When I left before, she held in the tears - so did I - but we’d only been together a month. Maybe she didn’t want to seem too attached. I know I didn’t, but Brian knows how much leaving her put me in this week long funk. I called and texted her constantly until I realized that doing that only made it even harder to be away from her. So I calmed a bit, not by choice, but by necessity.

Seeing her sleeping so peacefully, now curled in my sheets, hugging my pillow, I can’t help but smile. I could write a million songs just about this moments alone, and that’s exactly what I go back to the living room to do. To write yet another song about the girl in my bed, hoping and praying that she’ll still be there come daybreak.

Baby I know that you’ve been wondering / mmm, so here goes nothing / in case you didn’t know / baby I’m crazy ‘bout you

Sheets of paper litter the top of the piano, the coffee table, literally any surface that was once clear isn't now. I'm scribbling out a new lyric, and start strumming the melody that's been stuck in my head since she fell asleep next to me.

My mind is a jumbled mess. She has me feeling every possible emotion and I can't convey it in just one song. So every new idea gets written down and I hope I'll find a place for it in another song later. I'm going crazy, my mind working faster than my hand can write, and the song doesn't sound right with the guitar riff, but then it doesn't sound right with the piano. It's all wrong. None of it is good enough for her and I need it to be good enough.

And I would be lying if I said that I could live this life without you / even though / I don't tell you all the time / You had my heart a long, long time ago / in case you didn't know

I know it hasn't even been a year and I sound like a love sick puppy. And that if you ask anyone that doesn't know me personally, they'd say that this relationship is all for show. That I'm doing it for the publicity. That she's getting paid. None of it's true.

She's everything I have ever wanted. Ever needed. And its so hard for me to think back to even just nine months ago. I wonder how I did anything before her. How did I cope with my anxiety when she wasn't there coaxing me through it, lulling me back to reality and not the fucked up place my mind always wandered to?

If I can't think back to nine months ago, before she became my everything, how am I supposed to look forward and not see her in every possible situation that I could be put it?

The way you look tonight / that second glass of wine / that did it, mmm

Dinner at her apartment is everything. Except she won't let me actually cook. She's scared I'll burn the building down. Which, to be fair, could very well happen. So I'm only allowed to cut things, and of course pour her wine. She's stirring the rice while I sit at the little bar area, head resting in my hand while I stare lovingly at her. Her cheeks are slightly pink from both the heat from the stove and from the glass of red she's sipping from.

"You're staring," she says softly, and looks over at me.

I clear my throat and look down at my half empty glass, "Sorry. Can't help it. You're just so pretty."

She looked down at her outfit, and squinted skeptically at me. "Jeans and a two-sizes-too-big flannel? Oh yeah, I'm sure I look real cute," she replies sarcastically, with a disbelieving eye roll.

"You do," I say, matter-of-factly. "With you hair pulled up like that," I gesture to pony tail that was currently falling because she didn't wrap the rubber band around enough. "And your eyes just being as beautiful and bright as ever. How could I not stare at you forever?"

This causes her to become even more red, if that's possible, and I pull out my phone, swiftly snapping a picture of her because she is just so pretty and I want to see her like this forever.

"Stop it!" She whines, turning away from me.

"But you look so cute," I say, turning my phone around so she can see the vibrant blush on her cheeks.

She just shakes her head and takes another sip. I can't help but watch the way her lips curve around the lip of the glass, and my whole body tingles at the promise of those lips touching mine later.

There was something 'bout that kiss/ girl it did me in / got me thinking / I've been thinking

I pull her body close to mine when she puts the dishes in the sink. "Thank you for tonight," I mumble into her shoulder.

She hums and her hands cover mine on her stomach. "You're welcome bub. So glad you could make some time for a meal this week. I was starting to think you didn't eat," she says teasingly.

I manage a small apology, pressing my lips to the soft skin of her collar bone. I know I've been literally everywhere but with her this week and it's been killing me. But even just a night like this was enough to make me forget about all my stress up to this point.

She turns her head to face me and plays with my currently overfluffy curls. "I adore you, my little rockstar," she whispered into my hair.

I look up at her with a sleepy smile and hooded eyes. I only have a second to react before her lips press to mine in a soft, passionate kiss. And all I can think is that I could stay this way for the rest of my life and never get tired of the feel of her lips.

One of those things that I've been feeling / mmm, it's time you hear 'em

I'm still watching her as we wash the dishes together. She's washing, I'm drying. It's the simplest of systems, but it's also so domesticated and it makes me sad knowing that I can't give her that domestic life one day. Husband a d kids, nice suburban home to come to every night. I'm traveling too often to give her that simple life that she so desperately deserves, even though she's told me before that she doesn't care about that.

"Why are you looking at me like that?" She asks after washing the last plate, handing it to me. I smile sheepishly at the way she's leaning against the counter, one leg crossed in front of the other, hands playing with the neck of her shirt.

I finish drying the plate before I speak. I place the towel I was holding on the counter and reach for her hands. "Can I tell you something, pumpkin?"

You've got all of me / I belong to you / yeah you're my everything / in case you didn't know

"Anything," she squeezes my hands reassuringly.

I can't look into her eyes, so I stare at our linked hands and sigh contently at the feel of her small, soft, cold hands in my large, calloused, hot hands. I don't know why telling her this is so hard for me, it shouldn't be. I write about love all the time.

But I've never felt it. Not like this. Not when my heart feels like it's literally about to burst out of my chest when she smiles at me. Not when I can't help but stumble on my way to her because I'm staring so hard that I trip over my own feet. Not when an interviewer asks me what my favorite thing about going home is and my immediate thought is her. She's my home. Whether we live together or not. She's it. She's my everything and that's fucking terrifying. I never thought I would become this dependent on someone else.

"Bub, what's going on inside that beautiful head of yours?" She asks, breaking me from my own thoughts, trying to catch my eye.

I swallow the lump forming in my throat and finally meet her intense gaze. If I had to decipher what that look meant, I'd say she was looking at me the same way I look at her. With that endless amount of love, lust, compassion, and adoration that my expression hopefully conveys. Why she chose me of all the people to be with, I'll never know. But she did. So I say it.

"I love you," I finally manage to say, but it's so low I don't even know if she heard me.

She doesn't respond for a while and I'm searching her face for any sign that it'll give me, saying that I crossed a line, that we weren't ready. But just as I'm opening my mouth to apologize, her lips cover mine, tongue slipping effortlessly into my mouth. And I hold her body tight against me, so tight I don't think she can breathe properly, but she makes no move to leave my arms and I have no intention of letting her go. So I hold her while we kiss under the harsh light of her kitchen and I let out a low whimper when she goes to ultimately pull away.

"Say it again," she begs.

And I do, kissing her cheek. "I love you." Her nose, "I love you." Her forehead, "I love you." And finally, once again. Her lips. "I love you."

She sighs, eyes fluttering shut while her fingers trace my jaw and then the curves of my mouth, my nose. "I love you, too." She kisses both of my eyelids before she says it again. "I love you so much."

***

Tags: @curlyshawny @shawns-badreputation @anamariel2301 @bbellbagel @turtoix @tomshufflepuff @ivegotparticulartaste

I've literally been writing this since February and it's not even the way I wanted it 🤷‍♀️ but I hope you guys enjoyed reading it. A little fluff to counteract with the angst I gave y'all on Wednesday.

Like, reblog, and leave feedback!! 💙

[the-sanders-sides]

inidan american (desi) logan

a sequel to this post because people asked for more and i decided that they shall receive (and also i love writing these)

fair warning, logans a bitter kid, and this isnt as positive and happy as romans post. ive experienced two different ways of being desi, one where i lived in fully asian and indian community and didnt even think id ever feel alone, and another where i moved to a place where i havent met another desi in like 7 years of living here in a 3 hour driving radius. in romans post i played into my first experience and how at home i felt. in the second experience, the one im in right now, i am much more bitter about who i am and not really knowing anyone who gets it anymore. so i play into that A LOT in this. so keep that in mind. (and he will get happier in a future part. m planning on making this into a series)

ok so first off. his name is logan sanders. people (mostly other indians) dont believe him when he tells them. he tells them they dont know indian history. they say they do. he tells them that the british fucked around (quite literally) in india for four centuries so of course english names would stick with that precise wording

sometimes when he’s annoyed enough and doesnt want to explain this for the millionth he defends himself with this russel peters skit (watch it, it’s hilarious) because it describes his family. to a T. 

he grew up in a community with not very many asians, and knew no indians outside his family so he felt a sort of disconnect to his culture

while his grandparents and parents would teach him about indian culture, he felt so distant from it since he knew no one outside his family who was indian, and since he didnt have any siblings or any nearby cousins to hang around with

he had visited india once but he was too young to remember it properly or too remember his cousins

the closest mandir was an hour away so that also limited the amount of indian kids/people he knew

he barely knew hindi because everyone in his family spoke english, especially in public

he felt guilty over the disconnect he felt and would always try to bridge it but would never accomplish this because it he kept losing passion since he rarely saw other people like him in the real world and in the media and he didnt see the point of trying

this all changed in eight grade when he moved next door to the Kumar family in a north indian street of some south asian blocks in an asian community

when his family first moved, the Kumar family invited the Sanders over to welcome them

it turns out the Kumar’s had a son who was the same age as logan

“hi logan! im rohan kumar! but i like going by roman instead of rohan!” 

this introduction pissed logan off 

he was seething because why would this kid who got to have an indian first AND last name change his name to an english one! why didnt he see the value of his name!

he knew right away that such a difference meant they could never be friends 

“im logan sanders, but thats all youll get to know about me because i see no use associating myself with someone as... well, ignorant, as you”

roman decides to whip out one of the swears his cousins taught him and whisper shouts “who are you calling ignorant, bhenchod?” 

 it became clear to him that this was new turf, and people on this new turf must be speaking hindi. and that he was the ignorant one if he couldnt talk in hindi. he made a vow to learn it as fast as he could to make sure this roman kid wasnt better than him

but, logan grits his teeth and says “you, and i know it must be true because you were too dumb to understand me the first time”

this evidently struck a sore spot in roman because he didnt fight back but just stalked away. logan smiled slightly, happy to have won that argument

logan asks his grandpa to teach him hindi and his grandpa gets super excited

they start lessons immediately and despite barely hearing it growing up, it’s as if his brain was made for this because he picks the language up amazingly fast and in a months time, while not able to speak back yet, he can understand most casual conversation

his first diwali in basically little india is the most magical thing ever

diwali at his old home was very quiet because there wasnt anyone around to celebrate with

everyone is so happy in this new home however. everyone is dressed up and all the houses are lit up and there are diyas everywhere and he doesnt want to admit it but the kumar’s have the best rangoli on the street and it’s because of roman and he knows roman did it because sometimes he’d stare out of his bedroom window while doing homework and have a perfect view of roman delicately working on it for two weeks

(the kumar’s front porch had been covered with tarp waiting for diwali to make sure romans precious rangoli wasnt stepped on or ruined. when it’s finally let up, everywhere where there could be art, there is. it’s insane how good at colors roman is, logan thinks)

diwali morning: 

he fights his parents because he doesnt want to miss school for diwali because americans dont have a day off for it. his parents set the clocks in the house ahead to make him think he overslept so he would skip school. (logan didnt know that his parents had submitted an excused absence form for religious reasons and that the school was very understanding. he thought it would be like his old school where he wouldnteven bother trying since he wasnt christain and the school was lkinda discriminatory)

they spend the morning in mandir and it’s nice. for once he doesnt feel different from his peers because he goes to mandir and not church or synagogue. he feels at home.

diwali afternoon:

the afternoon is spent with frantic cleaning and cooking and digging around for the diya’s that were still in boxes, packed away from when they moved

logan offered to find them all to continue with a diya science experiment he started two years prior. his theory was that the diya’s were multiplying and there were more each year despite no one buying anymore

this held true, because even though he could only find half of their diya collection, it was somehow more than the entire diya collection of two years prior. 

diwali evening:

theres a big potluck and everyone in the neighborhood is out talking to each other, looking at the decorations at everyones houses, eating samosas, and playing with sparklers. 

logan feels content

he makes a new resolve to learn more about hinduism. if this is what ti was supposed to be, then he never wanted to be away from hinduism. 

he looked at the metaphors and symbolism in everything and finally understood what his dad meant he told logan that hinduism is just science written in poetry and that string theory is written in the ancient texts

middle school in this new town is so much better than middle school in his old home. why?

a. doesnt get bullied for being a nerd

b. doesnt get called gay slurs 

c. the classes are harder 

d. much less racism

e. all of the above

soon enough, logans asking his grandpa to teach him how to cook Indian food

Logan spends the day burning dosas and making lopsided rotis

(eventually he gets the hang of it, and a he'll be cooking food for an infuriating Indian boy ;) ;) psst it's roman)

Speaking of boys

Coming out isn't an option for logan

He knows that his parents arent really religious enough to really look into hinduism and see that no, gays are not bad

But they are traditional and conservative enough to be homophobic

not homophobic as in spewing hate with the westboro baptist church at a pride parade

But homophobic as in "the gays are fine as long as they don't do it in front of me" kinda thing

So Logan stays quiet

the closet kinda sucks but i mean what can he do

it’s safer inside, and he as illogical as wishing is, he wishes that people would use their brains and realize there’s nothing wrong with gay

anyway

in school logan makes his first desi friend, who was dubbed as anxiety years ago and cant seem to get rid of the nickname and now has a whole complex about his name so logan doesnt know his name

logan and anxiety meet in the school library: logan studying and anxiety hiding

people dont like anxiety

especially non-indian kids

surprise surprise it’s an old buddy called racism, but anxiety’s story is for another time

(but even though no one really likes anxiety, whenever racist shit goes down, it has to go through roman)

so logan and anxiety become fast friends

and they make fun of roman (a+ bonding)

logan claims that roman is a hypocrite for changing his name to an english one while being so immersed in indian culture

anxiety doesnt dispute this, but says he has a past with roman

a past that involved getting stuck with the name anxiety

again, another story for another time

one day, when logan and anxiety are eating lunch they see roman destroy some homophobes who throw around the word f*g and keep calling caitlyn jenner, bruce jenner

logans chest surges

he’s all like “what?? emotions?? pride at roman?? is he better than me for being so open and standing up for what he believes in??”

gay panic basically

but logan masked it well and pushed it away

the next day roman comes to school with a pride patch on his jean jacket

logan feels like he cant breathe

logan is supremely jealous of roman.

he can be gay in peace

he can pretend not to be indian in a way that benefits him

and he’s not affected by stereotypes in the same way?? like what does this kid not have

and by stereotypes i mean

roman is the complete opposite of all indian and desi stereotypes: loud, flamboyant, theatrical

logan’s personality is exactly how the stereotypes are. he’s nerdy and likes science and math and it seems like he cant escape the stereotypes. they follow him. and he feels guilty that he likes science and math and is nerdy. 

as illogical as it is, he wishes he was different from how he is

but logan later learns that there are more than just his perspective on being desi and that every desi kid growing up faces challenges about it that are different than his, causing them to experience being desi differently

and logan will accept that, in another story at another time

for now, he’s just bitter. and as illogical as it is, he wishes the world was better

and now, i shall tag some people who asked to be tagged and some other desi’s who loved this because i feel like you guys might appreciate this too. also i love u. desi famders squad up.

@sssixeyedrunt @ultimate-queen-of-fandoms2 @caterpiller-tea @xxxbladeangelxxx @snufflesthegrim227 @cloudchaser7 @thelowlysatsuma 

[incorrectsanders]

Coming Home Part 2 (Mall Employee AU)

Part 2, Part 2, Part 2, Part 2

Here we have the fluffy ending

This fic is part of my Mall Employee AU Read about Logan and Virgil’s relationship here and Patton and Roman’s here. Read Part 1 of Coming Home here 

Relationship: Platonic Thomas/Virgil

Genre: Hurt/Comfort? Angst with a happy ending?

Summary: Virgil is a foster kid that feels alone in the world. Thomas is his boss who just wants to help him.

Warnings: Minor character death, nightmares, implied afterlife, implied communication with spirits, food mention

“Get up. Your social worker is here.” 

The harsh voice made Virgil shoot up in his bed and for once he wasn’t even upset about it. He was thankful, really. He’d been in a the middle of a particularly upsetting dream. 

“I’m proud of you.”

“D-Dad?” 

The man was blurry around the edges. He was hard to look at, everything was so bright around him. 

“Everything’s working itself out, my little Stormcloud. I’m sorry I had to leave you, but it was my time.”

“Daddy... no, come back. Please- I need you!”

Virgil could make out the smallest smile on his face. He kept trying to reach out, but his father was too far. He couldn’t touch him. 

“It’s all going to be fine. You trust him, okay? He’s going to take good care of you. I’m already so grateful for him, he’s going to do what I couldn’t.”

“What?” Virgil whimpered. None of this made any sense. All he knew was he wanted his dad back. 

“And don’t you ever forget that I love you more than anything in the world, my little Stormcloud.” 

He was getting harder to see now, further away. Virgil was getting more and more distressed. 

“Dad! Please, come back!” 

Virgil sighed, shaking his head and kneading his palms against his eyes. It was just a dream. Just a stupid dream... 

“Virgil!”

“I’m coming!” He quickly through on a pair of jeans and a shirt before he was rushing down the stairs. Wait- why was his social worker here? That never happened, were they moving him again? Usually once he settled into a house they didn’t come unless it was time to take him to a new one. He had been here for a pretty long time though, maybe his foster parents were finally getting rid of him. God, he just hoped he’d stay close so he could keep his job. He made friends at the mall, he had friends for the first time ever. Even when he was a kid, he’d been too shy to make friends. But Patton, Logan, Roman And Remy were so nice... and he loved Thomas, Joan, and Tayln too. They were just so kind, he didn’t want to have to leave them... 

This was so unfair... anytime he started getting comfortable, he’d end up being torn away. This was the worst one yet. He was so happy with his job and his friends! God, he hated the foster system.

His social worker’s optimism was not helping right now.

“Virgil! Its so nice to see you, I have good news!” The woman chirped. He was never really sure if he appreciated her energy or not. On one hand, she was very loud. But on the other hand, she was extremely good at comforting him. 

“You do?” Virgil asked slowly. This could be anything, really.

“I think we’ve found you a forever family.” She said. Virgil couldn’t help but perk up a tiny bit. A forever family? But he was sixteen- no one wanted to adopt a sixteen year old. This had to be a joke, right?

“I... really?”

“Really! Well, it’s a single father who wants to adopt you. We have a meeting with him set up this afternoon. If you decide you like him, we should be able to have you with him in a few days. If you decide against it, then that’s completely fine. You have to consent to this too, don’t worry. But Virgil, I think you’re going to like this man very much.” She said. 

Virgil calmed down a little at that. The thought of a single father adopting him was scary- it sounded a little triggering because of how much he missed his own father. Plus, what if this guy lived far away? What if he didn’t let Virgil work? What if he decided Virgil wasn’t allowed to hang around his friends because they were almost all older than him? He supposed he could ask all these questions... but what if he was too anxious to? 

The car ride to the diner was even more nerve wracking. His social worker kept trying to distract him but it wasn’t working very well. He was too stressed. 

All that stress morphed into surprise the second that he walked into the diner and saw Thomas waiting there for him. The other had a sheepish smile on his face and was holding a gift bag. Virgil couldn’t even speak, he was too shocked.

“Hey, Vi... I hope you don’t mind that I kept this from you. I didn’t want you to get your hopes up.” He said softly. Virgil glanced between the two of them, his mouth to the floor. His social worker had this knowing glint in her eyes and oh god- she’d known. This entire time. How long had this been in the works? Thomas hadn’t said anything...

“I... why would you do this?” He whispered. He didn’t trust anything else. He was too scared he would start crying. 

“You’re an amazing kid, Virgil. From the second I met you I knew you were meant to do amazing things. You were dealt a bad hand, and I think it’s time someone changes that. I want to see you succeed. I want to see you go to college and graduate and make something of yourself. If you’d let me, Virgil, I’d really like to adopt you.” Thomas was shifting back and forth now, like he did when he dealt with particularly forceful customers. He was nervous... 

So many things were running through his head. Did Thomas have enough money to support him? Would Virgil be a burden to him? Would Thomas be able to focus on his business and job if he was taking care of Virgil? This was a bad idea, this was such a bad idea.

You trust him, okay? He’s going to take good care of you.

Virgil glanced back up to Thomas. He was a good man. He’d already done so much for him... he bought him food all the time, he bought him clothes, school supplies, a laptop. He scheduled Virgil when it was best for the young boy and he always made sure someone gave Virgil a ride home so he didn’t have to walk through the bad neighborhoods. Hell, Thomas went through this whole process just to have a chance of adopting Virgil. If he looked at it like that, it was easy to trust Thomas and believe that Thomas was going to take good care of him. 

“Yeah... yeah, I want you to adopt me.” He said shakily. Thomas immediately grinned and opened his arms for Virgil. 

Virgil held on tight, cried through the entire lunch, and did not let go until it was time for him to leave. He was so overwhelmed... behind his Dad, Thomas was the best man he’d ever met. He cared for Virgil and he went through all this trouble just to be able to make sure Virgil was safe. And now, Virgil was his child. Legally, he was his child. They just had to wait a few days for it to be finalized. He’d have a home again. He wouldn’t have to hide in his room when he was home, there was no worrying about leaving valuables at in his room. He wouldn’t have to hide the fact that he had a job because if his foster parents would have found out, they would have made him ‘help with the household finances’. Thank god they had hardly noticed him.

When they finally had to go, Thomas held out the gift bag to Virgil. Virgil immediately started shaking his head, assuming this was going to be another extravagant gift, but Thomas only laughed and gently shook the bag. 

“It’s nothing big. This was mine, my mom kept it so I could give it to my first child.” He assured.

Virgil hesitantly took it, ignoring the way his brain was screaming about he called me his child, I’m his child, he gave me this he didn’t have to give me this, he didn’t even have to tell me about it, he could have given it to the child he actually has oh my god he really considers me his child and opening it. 

A quick gasp left him when he pulled out a soft Winnie The Pooh plushie. It was floppy and fairly old and clearly well loved. But, it was also well cared for, he could tell just by looking at it how much this must of meant to Thomas when he was younger. It made him think of his own plushie. He had one like this when he was growing up, a Winnie The Pooh one that his Dad always told him his mom bought him. His mom, who had died only a few years after he was born. He didn’t remember her outside of pictures. When he’d left Valerie and Dahlia’s house, it was the only thing he’d been able to take because he’d happened to be holding it. But at his first foster home he was too trusting, he didn’t know the rules yet and he left it on his bed in his room that was shared with four other boys. His Pooh ended up in shreds and he ended up with four boys surrounding him and laughing in his face as they threw the pieces at him and mocked him. 

Virgil rushed forward to throw his arms around Thomas again, burying his face in the  man’s chest. The Pooh was clutched safely to him because he refused to let this one get ruined too. 

“P-Please take him home with you! Please, please, just take him home!”

Thomas didn’t find out exactly why Virgil didn’t want to take the plushie with him until years later. But, he assumed Virgil didn’t want it to get stolen from one of the other foster kids in his home so he’d just agreed to it and promised that he would keep the Pooh bear safe until Virgil finally came home.

***

“I know its not much yet. I wanted you to pick everything out.” Thomas explained as they walked into the room. There was only a full sized bed, a simple black platform frame for it and a matching black nightstand, desk, and dresser. The room was bigger than any one Virgil had ever had. “We can go out tomorrow and get some stuff for your room. For now...” He grinned, pulling out his card. “I know theres some art you’ve been eying online. Don’t think I don’t see you during your breaks.” He teased. “Hundred dollar limit, m’kay?” 

“Thomas!” Virgil whined, and Thomas only grinned and waved him off.

“C’mon, I told you I never get to spend my money! Think of this as all the birthdays and christmases I missed.” He said, ruffling his hair. “Besides, I can tell you want to do it.”

A smile slowly spread across Virgil’s lips and Thomas was sure Patton was trying to possess him because he wanted to squeal so bad when Virgil started bouncing on his toes. “Can I really?!”

“Yes, yeah, go on!” Thomas laughed. He couldn’t even handle the amount of love that started filling him as Virgil plopped down on his new bed, pulled out his laptop and started searching the internet. He was so precious like this, it was the happiest Thomas had ever seen him.

***

They didn’t have the adoption party until two weeks later. It was the most ridiculous thing that Virgil had ever seen. He’d insisted on just some pizza and cake and their group coming. He specifically said that he wanted nothing big and extravagant.

So why was Thomas leading him into a large room with about ten different inflatable slides, obstacle courses, and games? Virgil looked helplessly up at the man, who actually looked just as shocked as he did.

“Don’t look at me, Remy asked to handle the party.”

“And you let him?!” Virgil shrieked, glancing over to where Remy was standing with Logan, his signature Starbucks cup in hand and a smirk on his lips.

“There’s no way in hell your only source of income is the jewelry store! What do you do for a living, Remy?!” Logan was shouting. Virgil was glad he was asking because god, they all wanted to know.

“I work in a jewelry store.”

“You’re lying! Do you have another job? Are you an heir? Do you deal drugs?!”

“No... but I can get you some if you want them.”

Virgil rushed up to the man, immediately hitting him in the arm and pouting up at him.

“Hey! What was that for?! Shouldn’t you be grateful for this amazing party?!”

“You know I only asked for pizza and cake!”

“Both of which are here!”

“REMY!”

“Hey- I have no children! I have no partner! I live in a studio apartment and I have nothing to spend my money on! This is what I do!”

“HOW MUCH DO YOU EVEN MAKE IN A YEAR?!” Logan cut in.

“MORE THAN YOU, NERD.”

Virgil watched the two bicker back and forth a little longer before he was dragged away by Patton and wrapped up in a hug.

“Hi ViVi! Oh gosh, I’m just so happy, kiddo! You’re home now!” Patton squealed. Virgil couldn’t help but smile back. He always had a hard time holding onto any kind of negative emotion when Patton was around.

“Thanks, Pat. I’m really happy too.” Virgil grinned.

“Virgil. There’s two people here I really want you to see.” He heard Thomas’s voice pick up behind him. He smiled, turning on his heel to ask him who they were, and then immediately froze.

“Hi, Mi hijito...” Valerie whispered. Virgil gasped out, rushing forward to hug both of them at the same time.

“H-How?!”

“Thomas is a good friend of ours, Stormcloud. We’ve known him since college.” Dahlia said softly, hugging him tight. Virgil’s eyes welled up with tears at the nickname. He hadn’t heard it in so long...

“Oh Dios mio, it’s been so long! Everything happened so fast, we tried everything to get you back!”

“You did?!” Virgil asked, and he was sobbing now. God, this was embarrassing- all his friends were looking. It didn’t really matter, though. He could make an exception because it had been almost four years since he’d seen Valerie and Dahlia. They were practically his big sisters. He’d missed them so much...

“We only ever wanted you safe.” Dahlia sniffled, pulling back and giving him a small smile. “We wanted you back with us so we could figure out how to make that happen.” She explained.

“We saved you some things. There’s a box of it all in my trunk, you can take it home with you. We just kept it because we were sure we would find you again one day, even if we had to wait until you were eighteen.” Valerie said. Virgil took note of how both girls were rubbing the tears from their eyes.

That night, Virgil would sit down with Thomas and go through the box. He’d find his old comfort blanket and a jacket that still smelled like his father and cry in Thomas’ arms for hours. They’d find some photo albums and go through them together, and then Thomas would display them proudly on his bookshelf.

For now? He was going to enjoy his party with his new family.

***

Thomas knew he could do it. 

Virgil looked so much better, and it had only been two months since he came home. He wasn’t so bony anymore, but he was still pretty small and skinny. He hung out with his friends regularly now, even brought them home. He was always so helpful, he’d do chores and he was even learning how to cook dinner. He was focusing on his schooling and asking for help when he needed it. And most important, he looked happier. That’s all that really mattered to Thomas. That was his goal when he started the entire adoption process. 

“We should get Joan or Patton over here to help us with this.” Thomas laughed, glancing down at Virgil. He’d taken on a bit of an edgy persona with dark clothes and ripped jeans and eyeshadow and eyeliner. He listened to music too loudly but Thomas let it all happen because it’s what made Virgil happy. 

“We can do it, it’s just cooking some shrimp, Dad.” Virgil said. Thomas froze. He didn’t even think that Virgil noticed what had come out of his mouth. But Thomas noticed- god, he noticed and he also noticed the way his chest was swelling with pride and his eyes were welling up with tears. “And... no, we definitely overcooked that.” The boy laughed, then turned around and frowned immediately. “What’s-“ and then he stopped, paled, and yeah, if Virgil hadn’t realized what he said before he knew now.

Thomas needed him to know it was okay though, so he rushed forward, wrapped him up in a hug and held him the tightest he could without hurting him. 

He was crying, but he didn’t even care. Virgil called him dad.

Virgil was terrified for many reasons. He didn’t know if he made Thomas angry, he didn’t know if he upset him and now he would end up being thrown back into the system- it was all too much to think about. 

But then Thomas was hugging him and he was relaxing into it and now there was only one thing he was worried about. 

Was he betraying his Dad by giving Thomas that title? It was all that was on his mind as Thomas sniffled into his hair and held him close. 

I’m already so grateful for him, he’s going to do what I couldn’t. 

A small smile crossed his lips as the pieces slowly fell in place and it finally all made sense. 

“I love you, Dad.” He whispered. 

He was talking to two different people at the same time.

[dylanobrienisbatman]

Oooh blarke prompt! Sick fic or an exes to lovers but bellamy was the one to break up with clarke cause somehow it's almost always the other way around? 😘😘

AHHH!!! okay! I am SO sorry this took so long, but i finally finished! You can read it on AO3 here, or under the cut!

Caution Tape Around My Heart

Bellamy had always hated hospitals, his whole life he had hated them. At first it had just been in that way everyone did, the too sterile smell, the sick people everywhere, how there was always that one doctor who was sort of a dick but you couldn’t be a dick back because he was literally performing a procedure on you right then and there. But then, when he was 16, his mom died in a hospital, from a drug overdose, and that was the proverbial straw that broke the camels back. He was always on the brink of a panic attack when he was in hospitals, and the slightest thing would set him into a spiral that would take hours to come back from. And then, when he was 25, he found out he had cancer. He fell, playing soccer with friends, and the bruise just grew and grew and grew, over the next week, until it was almost his whole thigh, and he went to get it checked out, and they told him he had stage 3 non-Hodgkin Lymphoma. He was 31 years old now, and had been in remission for almost 3 full years, but his monthly checkups with his doctor still required an anti-anxiety pill beforehand and some serious attempts at meditation (recommended by his therapist that he had during treatment). It was his 2 year and 10 month checkup, post remission, and he was sitting in the waiting room at 945am, before his 1015 appointment, and his leg was bouncing up and down at full speed, and he kept continually having to wipe the sweat off his palms on his jeans. Any small thing was going to set him over the edge today, he had come down with a nasty cold last week and had convinced himself his cancer was back, had even called his doctor in hysterics (he had been assured that people just got colds, it was normal, but he asked to move his appointment up anyway), and so he was especially on edge.

Which meant Clarke Griffin walking into the waiting room REALLY was not what he needed today.

Oncology shared a waiting room with physical therapy, and she went to the check in desk on that side of the room, giving him a chance to quickly hop from his seat and find a spot in a corner, and also to be mildly relieved. She wasn’t here for cancer treatment, as far as he could tell, which… for all their difficult history, he wouldn’t wish that on his worst enemy. He studied her from the back while she waited in line. Her hair was shorter, but it had been almost 6 years since he had seen her, but other than that she looked mostly the same. A little older, but still the same.

Clarke was his first love, and the girl he had loved most. She had been in a class he was a TA for when he was a senior in college and she was a freshmen, and had made it her mission to challenge him on every single thing he said, and he had basically loved her instantly, in that way that made him angry at himself because she was so clearly irritating. They had figured it out, when she was 20 and he was 23, after almost 2 years of being inseparable friends, and he was almost positive he was going to marry her. But things didn’t always work out as planned, and he had broken up with her pretty soon after he found out he had cancer, for a lot of different reasons, and that had been that. She had moved away pretty soon after, from what he had heard, and he hadn’t seen her since they broke up, until this moment, in the hospital, while he was already panicking about his checkup.

Perfect.

He tried his best to shuffle down into his seat, and grabbed a random magazine off the shelf, pulling it in front of his face, but shocking literally no one, not even himself, it didn’t work, and when Clarke turned around, they made eye contact instantly. Her eyes grew to the size of small dinner plates, and she looked frantically around, he was assuming for some kind of escape route that wouldn’t look suspicious. They stared at each other for a second, and then he watched as she steeled herself a little, and walked over to him. He had been expecting acknowledged ignoring, so this was a shock. She walked slow, like she was trying not to startle some small forest creature, and plopped down in the empty seat on his left.

“Hi Bellamy.”

“uh… Hey. Hey Clarke.” He wasn’t sure you were supposed to say to an ex that you hadn’t spoken too or seen in 6 years. He didn’t even know what she was up too. “What are you.. uh.. what are you doing here?” He wasn’t sure if he meant in town or in the hospital… he figured whichever she answered would be good enough.

“Raven had physical therapy today… I just got back in town a few weeks ago and she asked me to pick her up today.” Raven had known Clarke was in town for a couple of WEEKS and hadn’t told him? Which meant his other friends probably knew too. Dicks.

“That was nice of you.” He said. He was sincere, but she scoffed. He wasn’t sure he actually blamed her, but he tried to recover. “No, really. I’m not… I’m not trying to be a dick.” She looked at him through the corner of her eye. They hadn’t actually made eye contact since she sat down, an awkward position for an awkward encounter. She smiled, wary but apologetic.

“What are YOU doing here?” She asked, glancing over him. He didn’t seem like he had an injury that required therapy, and he had never told her about his cancer.

“Uhh, i’ve got a… i’ve got a checkup with my oncologist.” Her eyes widened, finally turning to face him.

“You ha-“

“I’m in remission. I’ve been in remission for… a while. Just a monthly checkup. A few blood tests, a couple questions. No big deal.” He wasn’t sure if he actually succeeded at feigning the blasé attitude, but to be fair, he didn’t really care if she believed him or not. She wasn’t entitled to his story, not anymore. He felt a weird sense of rage grow in his belly.

“Oh.. Well.. congratulations.” Platitudes, meant for strangers and acquaintances. He wasn’t sure what category she was even in.

“Yeah… Thanks..”

They sat in silence for another minute, which felt like hours. He wasn’t sure what to say, and clearly neither was she. She opened her mouth to speak a couple of times before snapping it shut, and retreating back into her seat. She finally opened it again, and was about to actually say something when the nurse opened the door and called his name.

“Wou-“

“Bellamy Blake?” He stood up, but turned to face her. Eye contact was terrifying. He looked at her nose instead. He waited a second, and then turned, because she had clearly decided not to finish her sentence, and walked about 3 steps before she finally spoke up.

“Would you like to grab a coffee or something? I’d love to talk. To catch up.” He paused, and the nurse looked expectantly. He smiled at her, and turned.

“Yeah… uh… Raven has my number. Just… text me. or call me. or whatever.”

She nodded, a small smile on her mouth that looked almost forced, and he turned away from her and followed the nurse inside.

He was numb through most of the appointment, barely hearing what the doctor said. The real news came later, thankfully, when they called him in 2-3 days with the results of his call, so he wasn’t concerned, and he hopped on the subway home at around 11, barely even paying attention. Thankfully he didn’t have to drive. He really didn’t expect her to text, but at around noon, his phone rang, and an unknown number was CALLING him. He contemplated letting it go to voicemail, but his more impulsive side got the better of him and he answered it.

“Hello?”

“Hello… is this Bellamy?” Her voice was sort of shaky and unsure.

“Yeah, hey Clarke.”

“Are you busy right now? I’m at Ravens and she said you live close. I could meet you for coffee wherever.”

He contemplated making up a busy day, but he had taken off work for the appointment and he was just planning on lounging around his house and finishing up the new book he had picked up on the rise and fall of the ottoman empire, and that nagging feeling in his gut wouldn’t go away. He had to know, had to have a moment of closure even if it ended in a fight. He didn’t have high expectations.

“Nope, not busy at all. Theres a little local place on Atlantic and Smith.” She agreed, and they scheduled about 30 minutes out. He thought about changing into something else, but she had seen him this morning, and she would know. He didn’t want to give her the impression that he was trying to make himself look good for her. He ignored the way his heart was about to bust through his ribs and run across the room. He pulled on his shoes, tucked his book under his arm, fumbled trying to lock his door, and made his way there. He figured if he was early he could pick a good table, order himself a drink, and look reasonably comfortable before she showed up.

Apparently she had the same idea, because she walked in while he was ordering.

They stood awkwardly near the counter while their drinks were made, and settled into two comfy chairs in the back corner. She broke the silence after a moment.

“I just wanted too… I don’t know. This seems stupid now.” She looked at him for something. He wasn’t sure if she wanted him to contradict her or confirm her thoughts, but he didn’t even really know what he thought anyway.

“I mean… maybe it is. But were here now, so we should probably at least talk a little. No point in all this discomfort otherwise.” She chuckled, and some part of him, some 6 years hidden, 25 year old part of him, preened at making her laugh. The feeling hit him baseball to the face, and he didn’t know how to respond to it.

“Very true.” She agreed, which was a relief. “What have you been up too?” It was such a broad question to cover 6 years.

“I’m a history professor, at Columbia. I have been for about 2 years. I’m working towards my Ph.D. in their history department too, taking a few night classes and stuff. Living here, obviously.” It felt so pedestrian, talking about his job with the person who used to know him best in the whole world. “You?”

“I.. uh.. I just moved back. To the city. I have a job as a curator at the Brooklyn Museum. Finished up college, obviously, with my art degree… you know that you were there,” she was talking so fast, her nerves apparent. She hadn’t picked up her cup in a while because her hands were shaking. “…And did a masters, and I was working as a curator for a small gallery in San Francisco for about a year before I applied for this job. I am staying with Raven for a few days before I can move into my new place.” Another weird conversational standstill. She looked at him with this look that just sort of told him that she wanted him to ask something next. He just wasn’t sure what to ask.

“That’s great, sounds like the perfect job for you.” He realised this was somehow weird to say, because while she might not have changed that much, 6 years is a long time. She could be a totally different person. He didn’t know her at all anymore. He tried not to think about that. “I don’t know what to say, Clarke.” It was true. Their breakup had been gnarly, full of anger and cruel words, and resentment dies hard. And he held quite a bit of it towards her for the thing she had done.

“Bellamy I-“ She started but he cut in.

“Your mom called me “welfare trash” Clarke. To my face. And you just… stood there. We had been dating for almost TWO YEARS, and you let her call me that.” She shrunk into her seat. He realised that his words were still coming, a stream of things unsaid, things unresolved. “You let her tell me I wasn’t good enough for you, that my “status” in life would never be enough for you, and that you would leave me for someone with more money once you realised that I couldn’t give you the life you wanted.” She was welling up, but that just made him angrier. She didn’t get to cry about his pain. “And then you let her sit there, and tell you about how much better for you this man and that man and this girl and that girl, ‘some young lawyer maybe dear’ ‘perhaps doctor whats his nuts’. You let her humiliate me. And I just took it, and you apologised to me afterwords, but you never corrected her. You never stood up for me. And for the next month, you just let her keep it up. And at that point i already knew about my cancer, and you just… let her keep at it.” Her eyes widened. He hadn’t told her about the cancer. “And i know you didn’t know, but you didn’t need to know. I was your boyfriend and you just…” He trailed off, shutting his eyes. He pinched the bridge of his nose, trying to calm himself down. He got his breathing straight.

“So I broke up with you. You clearly didn’t want to defend me to your mom, and maybe you agreed with her, maybe you didn’t, but you never told her. Maybe you did later, but you should have done it in front of me, or at least in the days following. And I had cancer, and I couldn’t pile that on to someone who couldn’t even stand up to her mom for me.” Her face was a maze of emotions, from distress, shock, and sorrow, to something heavy, like grief. He finally sat back in his seat and just… breathed.

“I’m sorry.” That was what he wanted to hear, but not at all what he expected. He almost dropped his coffee. “I was 22, and I know thats not an excuse, but she… well… its my mom. And that was when i still had this weird hero worship complex towards her. I didn’t know how to stand up to her back then. I didn’t know what to do.” He was sure he looked stunned, and maybe a little angry. “I’m not trying to make excuses. I’m not. I deserved everything you said back then… and everything you said now. You were everything to me, and i let her… i let her treat you like garbage. I just want you to… I don’t know. A couple of years later, when I finally got my head out of my ass a little, I confronted her about it. I told her you were… my best friend,” Her voice was shaky, like she was going to cry. He resisted the urge to reach across the table and take her hand. “You were my first REAL love. I had boyfriends, and girlfriends before you. And i loved them, sure. I loved Lexa, I loved Finn, kind of,” it was his turn to chuckle, “but you were different. And i just… I’m just sorry. I know i was wrong, and I’m just sorry. I wanted you to know that.” He wasn’t sure what to say.

“What did your mom say?” Was what came out, entirely unprompted by his conscious brain. He wanted to kick himself. She smiled, to her credit.

“She was shocked to say the least, but i think i got through to her. And a couple years after that I found out about her involvement with my fathers death, so we don’t speak anymore anyways.” That was the kind of bomb of information he wasn’t prepared for, and his subconscious took the opportunity, yet again over riding his conscious choice to maintain the appearance of not caring, to take control of his mouth.

“She WHAT?” Clarke shook her head, and suddenly the conversation flowed. She told him about her mom and what she had done, and that flowed into stories about their lives. The conversation was simple, nothing too exposing, except the story about her mom, and his story about his cancer. She asked about his sister, about his job, he asked about Wells and HER job, and they just sort of traded stories. It still felt weird, like talking to a stranger who somehow new too much about him to ever be a real stranger. The only stayed for about an 45 minutes, nothing too long or intense, but at the end he felt like a weight was lifted. They didn’t hug, or touch at all, when they parted ways, but he saved her still ‘unknown’ number in his phone during his walk home and he figured that was a start.

Over the next few months, she slowly reintegrated into his life. She was invited out for drinks every weekend, now that her friends knew that he knew she was back, and asked him to lunch so often that it was a scheduled thing now, to see her at work or on the weekends. But it was Raven’s birthday were it all came to a head.

Her “party” was just a get together at her loft, with all her friends and her girlfriend Luna, and when he got there it was just the two of them and Clarke. He dropped the 12 pack of beers and the pack of cupcakes he brought on the counter, and found them all three out on the balcony, drinking a bottle of red wine. He tried to ignore the way it stained Clarkes lips pink. He had caught himself thinking about her a lot the last couple of times they had spent time together. Their time together had gotten more familiar, easy like it used to be, and the way he used to feel, at the beginning of their friendship, so long ago was creeping its way back in. He had broken up with her out of rage, and betrayal, and in an attempt to protect himself from her, but it had been so long. Every time they spent time together, she would find a way to apologise again, to assure him that she knew, she knew she had been wrong, so long ago, she knew that what she had done had hurt him, and he felt the wall he had built being brought down, piece by piece. He tried his best to force it back up, to retain the barrier between himself and his feelings, but it was harder than he expected it to be.

The night wore on, and the beers got him fuzzy, and wine always made her touchy, and before he really realised it, her arm was around his waist, and they were sharing the recliner. He thought about pulling himself away from her, but the smell of her hair and the feel of her, warm and solid around him, was like every dream he ever had those first couple of years after she left, and the part of him that made good choices with logic was hiding behind that wall that kept shrinking down, and letting the part of him that led with his heart take the lead. So he stayed, pressed against her, letting himself feel it, letting himself maybe think that he could see past it. that he could forgive her. Her hand found his knee, his thigh, his arm, his shoulder, over and over again, and his brain just kept getting fuzzier as the night dragged on. When it was finally time to go leave, she hugged him goodbye, tucking her nose into the junction of his shoulder and his neck, and when she leaned back, she pressed up on her tiptoes and kissed his cheek, closer to the corner of his lips but not quite, and the place where her lips landed was on fire. She untangled herself from him and wandered out to go home, leaving him shell shocked.

She didn’t call him the next day, didn’t reach out at all, and he felt like he was going out of his mind. He picked up his phone at least 7 times to call her, and then put it back down. He wasn’t sure what to do with himself, just kept pacing around his apartment. He couldn’t find anything to distract him, and before he really realised what he was doing he was putting on shoes and grabbing his keys and catching the train to her apartment, his brain rattling around as he rode. He knew it was stupid. She had only been back for 6 months, but the anger of a 25 year old him, scared of dying, scared of loosing her, scared of not being good enough seemed... far away now. Far away from the 31 year old version of himself that was standing here now, missing this girl he had told himself it was stupid to miss. Longing for this girl he had made himself push away. She was just like he remembered. She was his perfect match. She was strong, and bright, and beautiful as he'd ever seen her, and full of so much joy. She was everything he ever wanted, just like she had been at 23, and 24, and 25. Just like she had been all those years in between, when he made himself ignore how he compared every person he dated to her. She was made for him. She was a part of his heart. She was his "One".He got to the door, and realised he had no idea what to do. He paced outside for almost 10 minutes, and was just about to ring her bell when his phone buzzed.

He pulled it from his pocked, and her name flashed across the screen. He answered it.

“Hey..”

“Hey where are you?” He paused, but before he could answer she kept talking. “I’m at your place, and you’re not answering your bell.” He couldn’t hold it together, and started laughing, right there on the street. “what are yo-“ He interrupted her through his laughter.

“Im at your place.”

“What?!”

“I was just… I don’t know. So i came to your place to.. I don’t know.”

“Just stay there,” she said, hanging up the phone. He stood awkwardly outside her house for the next 20 minutes until she rounded the corner and saw him. She stopped dead in her tracks at the sight of him, and then took of at a run, barrelling into him, holding him tight. He took a second to respond, and then wrapped his arms around her waist. She unhooked herself from him, and took him by the hand and led him into her apartment. He stopped just inside the doorway, and she turned to face him. “Look, Bellamy, I know it was all… a mess. And its only been a little while… but. It feels the same. Like it did at the beginning.”

“Yeah… it does…” He felt like he was betraying some small part of himself by feeling it all. By feeling it again. But they had alway been sort of undeniable. And the problems between them were so long ago, and so… gone. Her mom wasn’t in her life anymore, and she had finally stood up for him, even if it was a little too late, and she had come back, and apologised so much that he had to finally ask her to stop. He had forgiven her.

“i was so angry with you, for treating me that way.” She nodded, and him, taking both of his hands. “I dont want to feel that way anymore.” She squeezed his fingers, and kept her face trained and neutral.

“I understand… Forgiveness is hard for us. It always was. And this… this was big Bellamy. I know i hurt you. And I’ll spend as long as it takes to make it right again. I need you Bellamy. I always did.” Her sincerity was palpable.

“You were my person, Clarke. I never found another person in my life who was as good for me, as right for me, as much my other half… you.” A small smile finally creeped into her cheeks. “If we take this slow…”

“Glacial pace… I promise.” She took a step forward, just slight but enough to put her in his space.

“Okay.” He said, soft. She took another step, and pushed up onto her toes, slow. Waiting for him to meet her in the middle. He leaned down, and she pressed up just enough, and pressed a soft dry kiss against his mouth. She stepped back, faster than he maybe wanted, but he knew they made the right choice. Six years and all that history, they needed time, time to get it right.

And this time they would.

Together.

[snarkysnartes-blog]

Title: Doesn't matter 

Summary: Len has gained a bit of weight, Barry doesn't really care 

Rating: M

Pairing: coldflash 

A/N: written for the @coldflashweeks day six, Prostitutes/Escorts 

Warnings/Tags: this was going to have smut but theres a blowjob involved. Chubby!Len is my favorite and I love it and there needs to be more in fics 

Len shoves the burger away from him, instead picking up the glass of water. Lisa, his sister eyes the burger and the watches her brother with interested eyes.

“You should eat.” Lisa says, pushing the burger towards her brother. “Especially if you're going to be out all night. It's going to get cold tonight and you'll need your strength. The freaks come out.”

Len moves it again, calling for the waiter to come and take it away. He wasn't hungry, not really anyway.

“Lenny…”

“I could lose a few pounds sis. Ever since I started gaining the weight as you've noticed, my clients have dropped off. I get maybe a few but not enough to keep our apartment in uptown Central City. I can't let you be homeless.”

Lisa rolls her eyes. “I'd rather be homeless than see you starve yourself. You're my brother, I love you and I want you to be healthy. Damnit, Lenny if I have to take a second job or if we have to move back to the lower side I will. Now eat. Mick's stopping by to take me to work and then he's coming back by to make sure that you're safe out there tonight.”

Len rolls his eyes. “I don't need the help.”

“Those police reports say otherwise. There's been a string of attacks on prostitutes and I don't want you to be another one.”

“Lisa, I can handle myself. I can fight. Plus I don't think that anyone that picks me up is going to want to beat me up, let alone even want to sleep with me. I could get a blowjob of two out of it.”

Lisa stands up, pushing her chair up towards the table. “I'm gonna go outside for some fresh air and when I come back you better stop thinking negatively about yourself. I hate seeing you like this.”

The moment that she's gone he looks down at the burger. His stomach growls but he can't bring himself to eat. Len looks around the room, there's a set of eyes on him. A man with graying hair and shades on inside. The man tilts the shades down, watches Len for a brief moment before turning around and whispering something to the woman sitting next to him. Both of them begin to laugh and suddenly Len really isn't hungry anymore.

He knows that he's gained a few pounds (the scale in his bathroom tells him he's put on fifty pounds since last year) and that figure he once held, isn't there anymore. His clients, his loyal ones anyone still come to him but now they prefer screwing him with the lights off and don't even kiss him after like they use to do.

Len won't admit that to anyone if they ask but it hurts, hurts the way that they look at him with disgust and that only makes him eat more.

Depressive eating. He's not sure if that's the correct term for it but it's what he's been doing whenever he gets into one of his moods. He doesn't even recall what started it, when he started feeling the way that he did but he knows that he hates it, hates the way that it makes him feel.

Len takes his phone out of his pocket and dials Mick.

He waits a few seconds before there's an answer.

“What Snart?”

“Nice to hear from you too Mick. Look Lisa said that you were coming to pick her up and maybe watching out for me tonight on the streets?”

“Yeah. I don't trust those people anymore. Need to make sure that you're okay.”

“I can handle myself Mick. I just need you to make sure that Lisa gets home okay tonight. I'm gonna try and find someone with a bit more money and who knows how long I'll be out, might be an overnight thing. I don't need you hanging around waiting for me okay?”

“Snart. That don't sound like a bright idea. And you're a hell of a lot smarter than this.”

“Just make sure that she gets home okay and that she's tucked in safe.”

Len disconnects before Mick has anything more to say and try and talk him out of doing what he had planned. He needed more money and the ones with the most always wanted to keep them overnight.

                                                 -

Len dons his usual black jeans a shirt that's just a bit too loose on him. He probably won't get many takers with half of his body being covered and nothing good is showing but it's his eyes, it's always been his eyes that has drawn in the loyal clients. He waits by his usual corner, many of the others who's he come to know are walking by. Most of them are smiling and talking to him while others are looking around for someone to take them up on their offer.

“What's the deal with the baggy clothes?” Axel, one of the people who Len basically took under his wing is walking towards him dressed in his usual: leather pants and a vest, never a shirt on underneath. “You that cold or something?”

Len rolls his eyes. “I felt like a change.”

“Well with that no one is gonna want you dude. Show that ass or cock. Whichever one gets ya clients.”

“Or my skills speak for themselves. Now if you don't mind. I see someone.”

Len pulls off the pole, walking towards a man, no. He looks like a boy and Len hopes like hell that he's of age.

The kid is wearing sneakers, a red jacket and he looks confused about why he's there.

“You look lost. Need some help?” len drawls from behind the kid. He turns, even in the dim light he still looked younger than he was supposed to be.

The kid shakes his head. “I'm uh. My friends said that I should… I don't know why I'm here actually.”

Len holds out a hand. “You're either here because you're lost or you're here because you want to fuck. Which is it?”

The kid looks down at Len’s hand before he takes it.

“I'm Barry Allen. I want… will you be the one?”

Len smirks. “I'm Len. Come on. There's a hotel nearby. We can go there if you want.”

Barry shakes his head. “Actually I don't live too far from here. If you want to go there instead. I have wine and maybe I can cook something?”

Len laughs. This kid was actually cute.

“How old are you first? Before we do anything?”

“Twenty-Five. How old are you?”

“Any age you want me to be.”

Barry blushes. “I would really like to know.”

“Would it change your opinion on me if I told you? Would you still want to fuck me if you knew my real age?”

“No. I just don't want to go into this with secrets.”

Len can't help but laugh. This kid is truly innocent.

“I'll tell you later kid. But for now, prices. A blowjob is seventy-five. Sex is two, anal, bareback or anything kinky is an additional three. Anything that's not sex, I.E roleplaying or just being a companion I charge a grand for it because you're really wasting my time out on the streets if you don't want to get your rocks off. The entire package is depending. I'll give the price once everything is done. And whatever you do, don't skip out on me. I have someone on standby. So what do you want?”

“Dinner, with me. I'm willing to pay that. I want to cook for you and maybe we can watch a movie afterwards and then, I want sex. Maybe for you to top for me? I've never done anything like this with a man before. I recently discovered that I'm Bi? And….”

“And I'm your experimenter? Helping you figure this out?”

“No! No! I don't think so. I know I am Bisexual. I just want to have sex with…”

“A complete stranger.”

“I don't know. It's not. I should shut up right?”

Len shakes his head. “A bit. Do you have a car nearby?”

Barry shakes his head. “It's just up that way. Come on I'll drive you to my place and don't worry, I'm not a psycho or something like that in case you're worried about that.”

“I'm not worried about that. I've dealt with a lot worse than crazy people trying to kill me.”

Barry stops and turns to Len, fear in his eyes.

“Don't worry kid, I can handle myself in situations like that. Now let's go. We've got a long night ahead of us.”

                                          +

Len is awe, he will admit that. He thought his loft was something spectacular but this, Barry's place takes the cake. It's much bigger than his, spacious and the color design is amazing.

“You earned this place working for the CCPD?”

Barry shakes his head, throwing his jacket onto the couch.

“No. I uh, inherited some money from a family friend. He left it to me and well, I kind of own Star Labs now.”

“Kind of?”

“I do own it. Harrison Wells left it to me.”

Len plops against one of the couches, crossing his legs. “That's very nice of him. You must be comfortable.”

“You can say that. Do you want to help me cook or just wait here while I do it?”

“I've never been good in the kitchen. I will sit here and wait while you cook….”

“I'm good at pasta. It'll be just something quick so we won't have to wait that long.”

Len stands and stretches, smiling as he does.

“Or we can just skip to the desert. You paid me for sex. We can always have dinner afterwards. If you still want it.”

Barry begins to blush, looking away quickly.

“You just want to rush through this? I mean shouldn't we take it slow? Shouldn't you….”

Barry's words are cut off, Len’s lips pressed tightly against his. Len pushes him back until Barry's back is flat against the wall.

“You're paying for the full experience there boy scout. As much as I love food, I prefer something else in my mouth.” Len begins to undo Barry's pants, slowly at first and then hastily. The younger man's hands are on top of his head, urging him on.

Len stares for a second once he pulls out Barry's cock, the man in slender in build, he wasn't exactly expecting something like what he was seeing. He was large, not too large and the girth, Len was sure that he could take it.

“Have you ever had a blowjob before Barry?”

Barry shakes his head. “A girl in high school..she uh, she did it but it kind of sucked. No pun Intended.”

Len shakes his head in agreement. His first blowjob had ended horribly for him.

“Okay then. Well, obviously she didn't know what she was doing. But I do. I can help you out but you have to work with me. Understand?”

Barry nods. “Okay.”

There’s literally nothing stopping them now, Barry's on board with it, Len’s making easy money tonight.

Len grabs the base of Barry's cock and holds it straight against his lips,  eyes narrowed towards the entire length, he sticks his tongue out, licking the flat of his tongue up the side, then close his lips around the head of the cock and sucks until he's taken Barry completely into his mouth.

Len doesn't let up and Barry's nothing but enthusiastic about Len’s mouth on him.

Barry's hand is resting gently on the back of Len’s head, he feels out the movements as Len keeps his pace and gradually works to keep the entire length in his mouth.

“That feels really good.” Barry moans, “I want to feel more of you.”

Len pulls back, staring up at Barry through long lashes.

“Do you now? And you want me to top, am I correct?”

Barry nods.

Len looks away, “Actually I prefer it if you do. I'm willing to walk you through the steps, the process and take off a hundred for it. And, if I may request, maybe we can do it with the lights off.”

Barry frowns. “Why? If you have scars, I don't mind seeing them.”

Len shakes his head. “It's uh, not that.”

Len stands up, pulling his shirt off and exposing his body. “As you can see, I'm a tiny bit chubby. I know this isn't what you signed up for but I am one of the best out there.”

Barry shakes his head, moving forward and capturing Len’s lips with his own.

“That doesn't matter to me. You're still the hottest guy I saw on that corner. I don't care that you're a bit chubby. I love it.”

Len stares up at him, eyes twinkling.

“Do you mean that? I mean I know that you're paying me…”

“Doesn't matter. I was drawn to you. Len. You seemed like someone with a sparkling personality and I was right about that. You're one of the, so far from what I've seen, a very nice and loving person. How about I switch up the deal a little bit? Let us eat, maybe watch a few movies and if you feel up to it, then maybe we can do something a bit down the line. If you're up to it.”

Len smiles, it was the first time, even before all the weight gain that someone had asked that of him.

“Sure, you know what. Yes. And this….” Len gestures to the extra weight on him. “Doesn't bother you all that much?”

“Not at all.”

[boymeetsweevil]

BTS as (weird) babies in your daycare

Kim Seokjin

The oldest of the bunch

brings two designer brand lunchboxes in to school

his lunches cost more than yours do

he eats all his food and then will go around the lunch table asking the others for small bites of their meal and they usually give in to him because he shouts “but we’re BROTHERS >:O” if they say no the first time around

the one that likes to take you by the hand while you’re in the middle of paperwork or something and bring you to see that castle he was working on

you compliment him on it and then you’re dismissed like:

“Wow jin that’s a great castle you did a great job stacking the blocks”

“Thank you teacher can you leave now?”

And you go back to your paperwork feeling kind of small before you remember that you are more than a decade older than the tiny child that sent you away

not the bossiest child (that’s jimin) but is a close second

is the most catalogue looking child you’ve ever seen

when you’re bored in the classroom during naptime and you play with your phone, he’s the one who only slept for 20 minutes

he then proceeds to come over and sit in your lap for a chance to play with your phone

You open up snapchat and play with the filters with him in the dimmed playroom and listen to his little chime-like giggles

his selfies are 80x cuter than yours before the filters and when the little dog ears come out to play you have no chance

Always brags about his older brother being able to use shoes “with no velcRO and long LONG lOng stringlaces” (=shoelaces)

hoseok always yells back that there’s no such thing as shoes without velcro “unless youre a growned-up and your hyung isn’t a growned-up i saw him at the park hes just a kid too!!”

Always brings in crafts that he made with his au pair for the class

currently has an obsession with hearts so he has been bringing in crudely cut heart shaped cut outs with scribbly stick figures on them

everyone got one, even you

he also made sure to draw himself into everyone’s heart as well

in the one he made for you its clear he drew himself first because he’s normal sized and you’re gigantic and bending horrifically around the edge of the heart because he didn’t plan the spacing well 

Also brings in the best group snacks when its a holiday or his birthday

cries when you tell him its not okay to sit on the other boys when they bother him

Always wants to be your helper and repeat what you just said to the class like he’s your assistant he is SUCH a teacher’s pet

“can i be teacher jinnie?”

“ummmmmm...not right now, maybe later okay?”

“oh...When im bigger???”

“uh Yes! when youre bigger”

“okay....Teacher im bigger now”

gives you wet cheek kisses :’)

He has the CUTEST laugh and when he laughs you laugh because its one of those rolling baby laughs that just doesn’t stop and you find yourself chasing him around the playroom to hear his giggle even though your feet hurt

drinks more milk than anyone in the class

as a result he has the NASTIEST farts

Min Yoongi

The one who has been coming the longest but still takes a good 45 minutes to stop sulking after being dropped off before he’s in the mood to play

will legit stand by the window to watch his mom drop him off every fucking morning like he doesn’t know where she’s going and if she’s coming back

when you come over to see if he’ll play with the other kids, he just turns and pouts at you and whines a little and turns back to the window

When he’s not in a funk though he is the most mature kiddo

Plays the best by himself, and is very simply entertained

brought in some homemade maracas for his show and tell day

it was literally just a recycled cardboard container with dried beans in it that he had scribbled all over with 40 different markers

keeps calling it “makaka”, you try not to laugh you fail

he just sat on the edge of the rug in the playroom and shook the box of beans softly to himself for an hour

when the shaking stopped you came over to see if he was alright and you realize he fell asleep

is surprisingly chatty

probably has the best vocabulary or is tied with joon

but also probably ahead of joon in terms of working vocab because while joon knows how to use “extraordinary” he also can’t grasp what the slide is called and yoongi has him beat there

ALWAYS FALLS ASLEEP first

sometimes will ask if he can start nap time early and drags the pillow and blanket the parents bring in from home up to your desk to make a more convincing argument

is always patient zero and gets fevers really easliy

when that happens you have to carry him around while you putter through the classroom and rub his back while he sleeps it off

you have to shush the other kids while he sleeps because theyre always so loud when they ask “Is Yoongi SICK???? :(”

he sleeps in your lap during nap time on those days and you stroke his fat fever-rosy cheeks when he whines in his sleep from the heat

cries whenever taehyung says his drawings are ugly

but they are, especially if he draws you 

theres always this weird expression on your face and sometimes you think about it when youre up late at night and then you cant sleep

is full of full facts about insects because his dad reads about them before bed

and is apparently always at the library

you saw him there once and he almost exploded because what are you doing outside the school

“teacher what are you going here”

“i came to get some books just like you”

“but i thought you couldn’t leave the school”

“i can leave the school...”

“wont you get a time out?”

“um no sweetie”

Yoongi has a huge sweet tooth and gets super excited on fridays when his mom packs him like chocolate milk or something 

can never open the little carton so he brings it to you and just vibrate next to you until you poke the straw in

pretty sure you saw his eyes roll into the back of his head once while drinking it

has fallen asleep with the carton in his hands on multiple occasions

HAS THE SWEETEST BABY LISP YOU’VE EVER HEARD

when you bring your guitar in for music days he sits at the front and listens SUPER intently and always tries to come over and touch it while you’re playing so have to be like

“yoongi, sweetie, please sit down”

“um okay. teacher ? im gonna play the giddar too okay?”

“while I’m playing it?”

“Yeah :)”

“no yoongi.”

“Okay...teacher?” REPEAT 1-6

Jung Hoseok

This kid is all over the place oh my god

srsly he is always tripping on shit because he is always running

and his jeans are a little too long because they're hand me downs from his sister and he refuses to let his dad put a belt on him in the morning

loves to hold hands but his hands are always so so so sticky

like wtf

he will want to hold your hand during walking field trips and you want to just yank your hand away and wipe it on your jeans and douse it in hot water but you don’t because he loves to hold hands and his hand is small and soft and warm and you don’t want to hurt his feelings :’(

you compromise by helping him when he’s at the sink and make sure he uses soap

probably the one who won’t stop putting his hands down his pullups

not in a weird way but in that way where kids will develop some weird habit/quirk that they do on autopilot for comfort

He probably tests your patience the most because is also: THE LOUDEST

he is that kid that screams bloody fucking murder when you turn the lights off for naptime,  every day :)

but not to be funny because he’s scared of the dark

he was originally placed somewhere else but he kept getting up in the middle of nap time to drag his blanket and pillow over to you to sleep nearby

when you asked him what he was doing he said that he sleeps near his big sister when he gets scared and you have to bite your knuckle not to cry when you realize he counts you too

Speaking of big sister, dawon goes to the day care for older kids on the floor above ur classroom

sometimes the teacher upstairs will let her come down to say hi

she stands by the doorway and watches him play with stuffed animals for a few minutes before going “hooooooobiiiiiiiiiii” and he drops everything to run over and she pets his hair and asks if he’s being good in that way where you can tell kids are parroting some random adult 

tbh this is your least favorite time of the day because he always wails because she can’t stay but he really misses his big sis and makes you tear up a little too

Sometimes another teacher will come in for “Body Time” and does yoga stretches with the kids

hobi is such a whiz at body time and always does the stretches with a surprising amount of control

its probably his second favorite thing next to running in literal circles in the tall grass during outside time in the spring

He’s a bit of a perfectionist because if you move his dominoes out of the little rows he made, even by just a fraction of a millimeter he. will. lose it.

Also won’t eat food that touches or crusts of bread or fruit skins

but he will eat orange slices without fail as long as you “make them into pieces first teacher :’(”

always gets stung by bees?????

because: yoongi likes bees a lot, he thinks theyre cute and interesting and he always takes hoseok by the hand to the nearest hive to tell him facts and point at things with a pudgy finger

but you’ve told the kids time and time again not to go near beehives but yoongi loves bees too much and hobi startles easily and either jostles the hive or pisses off a nearby bee

Kim Namjoon

Is the only one that can read

you were super shocked when you came over to him one day looking intensely at a book and he was confused and you were like

“what’s the matter, joonie”

“i can’t find the kittens in the picture”

“What kittens” and you read the little blurb on the page and see the word mittens and you’re like oh shit he can kinda read

so now you make sure he reads a different book from the bookshelf each day

jimin is always demanding to be read to and joon is happy to do it even when jimin switches pages on him in the middle of the book or asks to start over or start another book

Has those little baby glasses that tie behind his head so he can see

he always drops them though because he fiddles with the tie in the back and they get too loose throughout the day

He’s one of the more affectionate kids in class and will cling to your leg when he’s having a rough day

doesn’t want you to pick him up unless you’re sitting because he’s scared of heights

will sit on your lap any time its free though

often competes for lap space with kookie and often loses because kookie runs faster or joon will fall because this is joon we’re talking about

hes a good sport about it and stands next to you and asks kookie when his turn is next very sweetly

No surprise but namjoonie is always falling

but he never gets majorly hurt

maybe he scrapes a knee or a hand or something minor

he doesn’t cry much either hes a tough cookie!!

he’ll tell you a fact about prehistoric jellyfish with a wavering voice and watery eyes while you put his bandaid on

Baby Joon LOVES LVOES LVOES apple sauce

he cannot get enough of it and MANY of the stains on his little cords (his favorite clothing item) are apple sauce stains

Namjoon is sadly that kid that will eat anything though so you’re constantly watching him to make sure he doesn’t eat anything deadly

when he’s being too quiet or still in the corner of your vision you walk up quietly behind him and just stick a hand out and he spits whatever it is into the napkin in your palm with a goofy smile

eats his boogers probly :(

Joons mom always brings little treats for you because she was worreid that he would be bullied or isolated when she first enrolled him in the class but he’s doing well and she’s glad for the atmosphere you’ve set up

sometimes she sends him in with your treat if she’s too busy in the morning so he’ll totter in with his glasses and what looks like some homemade cake and your can’t help but scoop him up and plant a kiss on his cheek and tell him to tell his mom thank you

his best friend is probably jin because jin knows the alphabet and appreciates namjoon’s knowledge

jin helps joon get over his fear of the swings, but he’s still scared of heights i assure you he will start to wail if you take his feet too high off the ground

cries when he spills his apple sauce which is often but he always has a spare

 but! you’re not sure if his mom packs it because he loves it so much or because he’s bound to drop one

Park Jimin

When he first came in to school you gasped because those cheeks were a gift from above and the little always-there pout was so cute

he lives for praise, he is such a ham and he loves the way the old ladies at the front desk always try to bribe him with candy for a cheek pinch

he’s a shrewd little business man and won’t let anyone touch his cheeks for less than 2 soft caramels

Park Jimin is as bossy as they come

but everyone in the classroom has no problem with it except maybe you sometimes

he is always going “Teacher! Come here!” from somewhere in the room and you always have to go “You want to try that again, Park Jimin?” and he goes “Teacher! PWEASE come here!” and ur like...ok

Fairly independent

his dad assured you he knows how to cut with regular scissors but jimin continues to use the kiddie scissors and then act like he can’t do it and blink up at you for help

he just wants you to watch him do it

can also put on his own snowsuit without help but still wants you to do it for him because he LIVES for the personal attention

Is a tiny bit violent?

will yell really loud if you take his truck or his dino dolly

or if you make him try to take off his favorite faux cowhide sweater when its time to paint

never hits/kicks/bites tho

the one time it looked like he might hit jungkook you were there in an instant to pull him away and give him a calm and quiet but stern lecture about why his hands are not for hitting or hurting

he had frustrated tears welling up in his eyes when you brought him back to JK and had him use his words

“Kookie, I dont like when you take my toys when im still playin wif dem”

JK: *is preverbal*

and you pry the toy out of jungkook’s freakishly strong baby grip and return it to jk

Jimin’s best friend is probably tae

their moms are friends and they regularly have play dates at each other’s houses

sometimes they come in together in the mornings if one mom is busier than the other

they sleep next to each other during nap time

Chim cries when he can’t sit next to tae during snack time

Has a very adult palate for a baby

i.e. he loves vegetables

is kind of nosy and will come over to your desk when you open your lunch bag and ask to see the vegetables

you make sure to always pack a veggie because the one time you didn’t his eyes widened and he said “mama says you die if you dont eat no veg-ables”

asks if everything is a “veg-able”

jimin: *points to sandwich* veg-able?

you: no

jimin: *points to kimbap/turkey leg/piece of cake/bag of chips/an apple* veg-able?

you:....no

if you did bring a veggie that he doesn’t already have in his lunch, he’ll ask for a bite

normally you have to tell kids no when they ask for your food because you’d end up with everyone asking for a bite and no lunch, but no one else likes veggies in the class. 

so sometimes you slip a sliced cucumber to him and he holds it in two hands and runs back to his spot to eat it and then comes back like an outdoor cat looking for more food

Has a lovely singing voice

its high and pretty, kind of angelic and he tells you that he sings for his grandma a lot

you praise his singing so naturally he loves music day too and if you sing a song he sings with his mom at home he gets so excited

yoongi is enthralled when jimin knows the words to a “teacher song” before its been taught to the class

Kim Taehyung

idk why this is so pertinent to my idealization of him as a child BUT: Has the biggest head out of anyone in the classroom sorry

is so so so cute, might even be your favorite..

he’s super agreeable

loves to cuddle, eat all his food in his little stackable lunch containers, naps well, plays nicely with others, listens pretty well

BUT

he always pees himself :(

and you don’t understand it because his dad came in and bragged about how much of a big boi his son is at home in the bathroom using the toilet but at school? NOPE

he has like 8 changes on clothes for this reason

you can always tells when he’s about to pee himself because

he stands in the middle of the room and just goes “sorry teacher” really softly

your heart breaks when you hear how sad he is that he wet himself but you’re also a little irate because you’re convinced no one deals with as much pee as you do

you give him the talk every time which consists of your wriggling him into some ridiculous pink overalls while trying to make eye contact with him so you can tell him that when he feels like he has to go, he can just go to the potty

Tae carries a blanket around at all times!!!!!

he takes it everywhere with him and uses a different one to cover him up during nap time.

cries on the days that his dad drops him off without it because it has to be washed

the blanket was purple at one point but now it is straight up grey-brown

is surprisingly good at walking/running with it and not tripping on it

Jimin  started calling him tata

so now everyone calls him tata

Is probably the class sweetheart as well

when he’s out sick, literally everyone goes “where’s tata” at random times of the day even though you went over who was “at school” and who was “at home” and said he was at home

tae is so so so so good at drawing its crazy

hes way above his age grade in terms of drawing BUT he has a little trouble getting a pencil into his grip 

so you have to help him finagle it into his little hand but once he does WOOO here comes a dragon with you on its back holding a big ol sword

Is that one kid who manages to run around naked the most

its probably because you’re always in the middle of changing him when someone else distracts you and you turn around and all of the sudden he’s naked as the day he was born from the belly button and waddling back to where jimin is playing with flubber on the rug

you have to run over and scoop him up but also hold him at arms length because hello? pee?

he thinks this is hilarious and flaps his arms like hes flying

Everyone kisses tae

like when the kids get to that stage where they all try to kiss each other because their parents probably kiss them and they're like imitating their parents

everyone goes for tae

he takes it like a champ

but his face is probably v sticky after wards so you pull him over and take a wet wipe to his face

might ask you for a kiss and you place one on his LARGE forehead lol

His grandma comes in often with dolls she made for the class

tae shows them off proudly during his show and tell days and makes sure everyone plays nicely with them or theyll break because theyre normally made from soft yarn

He has a major thing for stickers and is always asking you for stickers to adorn his whole body with 

you are constantly telling him to take stickers off his face and sometimes he puts them on his eyebrow and you sigh because crying is inevitable at that point

you have limited him to 3 stickers on any given day and they go on a piece of paper labeled “Taehyung’s Tata’s stickers”

was mad when you tried to write his full name on the paper because he is tata at school >: (

Jeon Jungkook

the youngest! a true baby

when he first came to the classroom he was right in the middle in terms of age so like he technically aged out of the nursery down the hall but he wasn’t at the normal age minimum to enter your classroom and you were like Ummmmm i guess he can come? because you didn’t have very many kids so what’s one more right?

Started walking and running in the same day during his first week at the classroom!!!

you were worried he’d be too small to keep up with the other kids and might be hurt with their type of play but nope

he was constantly crawling after them trying to keep up until one day he just...stood up and you were like omg and pulled your phone up

when his parents came to pick him up you showed them the video and his dad cried

Now he’s the fastest runner in the class

he doesn’t really talk yet

hes still preverbal but you can tell he gets whats going on around him

the others are good about it

although you did have to have a day where you addressed the question they kept asking you

“Why doesn’t kookie have words?”

“he’s too little. but he’ll talk when he’s ready”

it was a short talk

He knows two words

no and something that is the approximation of hyung but you’re not certain

if he wants your specific attention he just goes “AH” really loud

says no to everything even when he means yes

this means that when you ask him if he wants to eat snack he says no and then cries when you put his lunchbox away thinking he may actually not be hungry

despite being the best at toddling, he always wants to picked up

he is such a teacher’s pet its crazy

its probably the one piece of evidence that he is the least mature of the group

and also because he misses the presence of his mom

he will settle for sitting in your lap when you’re at your desk

or when you’re trying to read to the group during “carpet reading time”

he will try to turn the pages for you but it took him a while to realize you weren’t always done reading when he turned a page and you’d have to fight him to turn the page back so you could finish

now he waits for you to say “you can turn the page now kook”

He is so so so shy omg

if a teacher from another classroom comes by to borrow something, they naturally try to come over and say hi to the one kid who you’re carrying on your hip or sitting in your lap and he just turns and smushes his face into your armpit until he suspects they’ve left

he does, however, have a weird obsession with the handyman that comes in to repair that one tricky light in the back of the art closet

kook will stare at him until he leaves and its cute because he’ll leave your lap or whine to be put down and toddle over to watch him work from a “reasonable distance”

the repairman is kind of gruff looking but he always turns and spots kook watching him like 8^O and will snort

one time he handed kook a rubber band that he had in his breast pocket and kook kept it clutched in his little hand all day

actually waves goodbye when he leaves its so precious

Kook is very sensitive to touch and stuff

so in the winter when he has to wear layers he cries a lot if the t-shirt under his sweater bunches up the wrong way

like he’s so finicky about tactile stuff

he can’t have bare feet ever

wears slippers all year, even in the summer

also cries if the classroom gets too loud and covers his ears

you think maybe he may have some sort of sensory sensitivity

won’t eat the bananas in his lunch unless you mash them with a fork for him

cried when you cut open a pumpkin to show the kids the seeds inside and later roast them because the smell was too strong for him

you had to put a tiny face mask on him to get him to calm down and he resembled a ninja turtle the whole day

He loves hobi very much and is always super giggly when hobi pays extra attention to him

always follows him around and is constantly bumping his nose on hobi’s back because he follows him THAT CLOSELY

always fights with jin

meaning he constantly swipes toys out of his hands and then sometimes gets sat on as punishment and cries until you heft jin off him

you don’t know why they always fight

is so good at hidden item picture books like Ispy

you will zoom through them because he finds everything immediately and you wonder if maybe hes a genius

you had a hunch one day and put him down in front of a 400 piece puzzle and he did a surprisingly good chunk of it in the span of the school day and went straight to it the next day

I was trying so hard to write this and couldnt think of anything and then i remembered yesterday that my friemd Worked in a daycare for the last three years??? so a lot of this is real life stuff which is funny but also really extra

all pics are from weheartit...

[callingitaday]

Terrors

Bucky x Reader  WC:1869 Breathe by Fleurie

I remember being the new person here, not that it was horrible but it was awkward. No one knows how to act. They don't know or trust you but you feel the same. Both don't know what could set another off, how to speak without a soft voice afraid of what could come next. It just a huge fucked up guessing game. The worst part is the new comer doesn't want to be treated like they could break any moment, but no matter what you say it still happens for a while. It's no one's fault.

You were here for a good 6 months before everything settled and everyone was normal. Laughing, teasing and just having a good time in general. No more tiptoeing around our own home. Over this time you and Steve have grown close, he is the big brother you'd never had. He was always there for you when you needed someone to talk to no matter the time or place. He was also so kind and gentle to you, making sure you had what you needed and everything in between. On nights the terrors would come they would eventually lead me to wake up in a cold sweat and tears or Steve waking me up reassuring everything was okay.  You were forever in his debt.  But things changed when Bucky showed up, Steve's oldest friend from the war . From before being a popsicle.  He was stressed about Bucky, if we would except him and not treat him like the monster HYDRA created but lost.

Not that your upset about anything because Bucky needed him more than I do but it's still hard knowing when I have my terrors- I have them alone now. You were the next room over from Barns and he has some really bad ones and Steve helps him through it and he deserves nothing less. You now sit in the dark kitchen with cups of water to calm you. Now and then he would come scuffing into the kitchen for water. Like water was some magic healing shit for them. He was looking at you for a split second before continuing then leave.

Everyone pretty much kept to themselves trying to avoid him altogether . Especially Tony, he was just a ass to him and Steve. Saying that he still is the Winter Solider deep down and one day he might return and not be in our favor and all in all just wouldn't expect him even though he's tried to gain his trust.  You understood how he felt in your own way and didn't tiptoe around him, you hated it and theres no doubt he feels even worst.

I know I enjoyed when someone patted me on the back or gave me a hug, I hadn't had in such a long time I almost forgot what it felt like. So when I get the chance ,walking past him I would drag my hand across his back, pat his shoulder and shoot smiles every time he looked at me.

You may have falling a little bit for this super soldier. But like every day you just keep to yourself.

Tonight's agenda was no different than usual, waking up in cold sweat and tears. Before heading to the kitchen you decided to jump in the shower and rinse of the memories of the night and craved your magic drink. Sitting there in the dark humming some tone you listen early that you have stuck in your head. It was when you refill for the 3rd time that you finally hear him. Its only feet padding the floor but you know its him. He enters with a quick glance. Just watching his back as he fills up his cup, you can see his how tight his muscles are even through his shirt, he's so stiff it looks painful.

" hey, buck?" you said just above a whisper. It was so quite in the house if you spoke any louder you might even scare yourself.  Barns turned around and leaned against the sink, squinting at you before taking a drink. you shrugged your shoulders "care to join me this time?" without an answer he just steps over and takes a seat next to you. He set his water down and hung his head low letting out a deep sigh.

" I have them too you know" he looked up at you " the night terrors, Steve use to help me with them " you gave him a smile . " I know you'd probably rather talk to Steve but I'm here, for you, if you want to talk.... well since I get them too I understand. I mean I don't understand yours but like I get the feelings and what makes me feel better, maybe they could help you?"

Bucky was just looking at you, really intrigued with your words. He was studying your face to the point he had not heard anything after this point. He was looking at your lips, the way they moves when you spoke. The way your eyes widened, squinted and wondered around like you couldn't decided what you could look at. You were memorizing.

"... I'm sorry I just, I just thought  I'd let you know I have them and I'm here for you" you finally finished your rant, all the while . Looking at Bucky but he wasn't quite with you.

"Thanks, doll" he spoke making you smile which he reflects.

You guys stayed there for a while longer until you felt sleepy but instead of leaving you took a chance and laid your head on Bucky's shoulder feeling him tense at the touch, lifting your head back up "no stay" he whispered but you got up and set your cup in the sink. Turning around you held out your hand "okay, come?"  he looked bewildered at the motion but took your hand anyways, grabbing your hand, following you in a trance.

Making it to your bedroom was quite and slow, opening the door stepping in and aside for Buck to enter before closing it. " Steve would always lay with me until I fell asleep, the present of a person always helps me, an anchor to the real world so to say" you stated while crawling into bed. He looked scared and very unsure about what was happening . " it's okay Bucky, let me be your anchor tonight" you pulled the covers back and with a sigh he crawled in.  Bucky laid on his back and I laid on my side, carefully I placed my arm across his stomach. I could feel his stomach clench but I dare not move.

The sunlight was peeking through your blinds right in your face making you grown in annoyance. A chill ran through the room making you pull the covers up. Just laying in the silence for a few minutes until you realize it's to quite. Twisting just enough to look behind you, sadden to see no one's there. Grabbing your phone you realize it late in the morning with it being almost 10, decided to get up and get ready. Throwing on some makeup so we don't look so dead and some Nike legging with white strip up the side, a light sweater paired with running shoes. Satisfied you head downstairs for breakfast and coffee.

"morning sweets" Steve shot over his shoulder which you responded with a' morning' and hug from behind " Have any plans today Cap?" grabbing the eggs and bacon.

" Well I may take Buck out on the town and if I remember right before Wanda left she said she wanted a move night with everyone later" Steve responded as he turned around and asked you the same

" I might actually go out to, I could use some new jeans and some other things but a movie night sounds fun!"  you responded while watching your eggs

" Well see you later Y/N" Steve began to rush out "HEY! get back here"

"Yes?"

" What's going on with you" " Nothing. Nothing why"

"you never just quit conversation and rush out. And your being awkward " you snorted

" nothing really, I swear everything good"

"Fine be that way. But before you run away where's Barns" making him cough "umm, I don't know, gym" he shot back.

Sighing in confusion you finish up your breakfast. Quickly washing your plate off you realize your still feeling a bit hungry you decided to make a beagle

On your way down to the gym while snacking on the beagle, stopping at the wall of photos almost like studying them. It was all of our group photos of exploring, some singles of like Steve n Bucky, Natasha n Bruce and one lucky one of you n Bucky. Until now you hadn't realized the way he was looking at you. Like I dare say loves you more than anything else. Makes you wonder doesn't it?

Your feet finally started to drag you to the destination but they planted like stones just outside the door, completely frozen as you hear Steve tell who I assume is Barns that he should just give in, take a chance, he deserves some good in his life and  " She's good for you Buck, I see the way she's been looking at you lately. Like a light bulb lit up and reality hit her" you peek through the door.

"But Steve what if it's not what you think? I'm really liking the idea of her being mine but I'm scared" Bucky practically cried out.

"Everything will work out okay? have some faith, and really the only way to find out is to talk to her" Steve finished before patting his shoulder and headed to the door.

"shit shit shit " you murmured running around the corner and peeked around the edge until the cost was clear.  Slowly and as casually as possible walking into the room, towards him who had started on the punching bag.

"Hey Buck?" you said just loud enough, but he still jolts, his actions stopping and grabbing the bag.

"H-hey" he breathed

" I just wanted to check on you, did last night help?" you smiles a little

"Um ya actually, I slept well. Thank you, it means a lot"

"Okay ya good I'm glad,  before i leave are you planning on attending Wanda's movie night?

" are you?" you nodded a yes " than ya I'll show my face " causing you to smile, nodding your head and turned to leave. This time not only did your feet stop you but your whole  body . Slowly spinning on your heals  you look back , he's still looking at you.  

You walked up, pausing to look at his face, he's scrunching his eyebrows together but continuing , engulfing him in a huge hug.  Bucky was beyond shocked but quickly hugged back. It was the best feeling he's had run through his vein's in such a long time. He squeezed you harder now becoming addicted to the rush before kissing your head, then you pulled away.

"what was that for" he questions  "because" is all you answer with, " see you tonight James!" you kissed his check and ran out to go get ready

"Maybe everything will work out " Bucky muttered before starting back up.

Tag list : @dugupbeauty @leslie2898 @sophiealiice @xpixelle

Part 2??

[pennysweetsandpopcorn-blog]

Encounter

Okay so... I wrote this when I was feeling down and needed cheering up/ distracting long enough to help me calm down and it worked! I’ve only managed to see the film once and and just over a quarter of the way through the book so I hope I didn’t make Penny too OOC.  Anyway it’s just been sitting in my folders sad and alone. 

Kinda a PennywisexReader  Hopefully you’ll enjoy!

Thanks to @nirvanaisclose for beta reading!

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

You ran out of the house. You couldn’t stay trapped there anymore! You were sick of it all. Sick of people hearing you talk but not listening, sick of flaky friends who only sometimes remembered to include you, and when you wanted to choose an activity that would ultimately be cancelled. The only friend who would listen was too far away. You were sick of your family, sick of your so called friends and sick of Derry altogether. There was nothing left for you but broken promises and dead dreams.                You kept walking down the streets, the day grey and miserable but you didn’t care. You barely noticed the wind whipping your hair wildly, the cold rain mixing with your angry tears and soaking you through. You certainly didn’t notice an interested pair of yellow eyes following you, intrigued by the sheer overwhelming power of your mixed hurt, loneliness and anger. Interested in what you might do with this erratic hurricane inside of you, they followed you down the street.                Your hand tightened on the strap of your bag on your back. You’re glad you have brought it with you. Inside your most treasured possession, a sketchbook, half filled with expressions of joy, hurt, anger, even love. You never drew what you saw, just what you felt in strange and creative ways. Usually they had a dark twist to them.                You’re not paying the slightest bit of attention to where you’re going. You don’t notice when you end up walking past the bus station and further on, onto the bridge. The sound of the Kenduskeag waters rushing is drowned out by the wind in your ears. You would have hardly heard it anyway, so lost in your thoughts. You barely realise you bumped into somebody. The shout of offence that you did snaps you back to the real world and you realise what happened.                Maybe it would have been best if you hadn’t have. When you look up, you see an extremely pissed off looking Henry Bowers. Shit. He glares at you, as you wonder what you’ve done. Maybe it was just the audacity of bumping him. Who knows, but you’ve had brushes with him and his gang before.                That was then. Now you frankly couldn’t give a shit. This day just got worse and worse and if being beat up was the climax well wouldn’t that be fitting? Physical scars tended to be sympathised with more than emotional ones after all. Bowers was the last person you would challenge in any way, but you find yourself throwing your bag to the floor and shoving him before he could get a word in. “Go on then!” You scream wildly. Your eyes flashing, a dangerous look on your face. He could kill you. You know that. You don’t care right now. It’s like you’re possessed. You have no control over the shoving, the screaming doesn’t sound like your normal polite voice. You’re egging him on. Just do it! Just end this pathetic existence already! Your mind and actions seem to be screaming.                Nearby, the yellow eyes are focusing more. What a strange human. Oh there was a jolt of fear a few seconds after they bumped into that other human, but the fear was fleeting. More anger. Who reacted to fear in this way? A little head tilt and the eyes continue to watch your performance with even more interest.                Bowers is not impressed by this and soon shakes himself out of the shock. You’re not cowering or running away. Well that only made it easier to teach you a lesson. You’re only petite and with one quick punch, he floors you. You feel the pain on one side of your face, joined moments later by a sharp pain on the other cheek as your face hit the edge of the bridge on the way down. The fire inside you has gone, you realise this was probably the most stupid fucking thing you have ever done. He’s going to fucking kill you. You curl up instinctively, arms over your head to protect it. But, before he can administer another punch, you hear an inhuman noise. You peak through your arms and see Henry Bowers looking behind you and more importantly, looking terrified. He’s gone as white as a sheet and fear seems to have routed him to the spot. Well fuck, if its enough to scare Bowers then this meant your night has somehow gotten worse. What the fuck could it be? A wild animal? You stay perfectly still and watch Henry. When he finally seems to remember he has legs, he turns and runs as fast as possible. Teaching you a lesson would have to wait, it wasn’t worth being murdered by whatever the fuck that was!

               You stay curled up for a good five minutes, not caring that you’re lying in puddle. You need the time to process what happened. Plus you needed to give time for whatever scared Bowers away to leave. It sounded silent now so cautiously you uncurl yourself and sit up. After wiping your face, achieving nothing but mixing mud with the blood on your face you slowly turn around. What you see was certainly not what you were expecting. A clown, standing just a few meters away, holding your bag. The second thing you notice, after the fact he is a clown, is he is incredibly tall. Shakily you stand up and turn to look at him properly, awkwardly brushing the dirt off your jeans. Even standing you have to look up at him like a child. He is staring at you with baby blue eyes. You stare back. No one is saying anything but it is far from silent in your head.  Did he make that horrific noise? Why was there even a clown there? Can he speak English? Is he lost? Why is he holding your bag? Is he going to steal it? Was he on drugs? You can’t pin a thought down. You fall into your default personality around strangers. Polite and quiet enough not to draw attention to yourself. “Th…Thank you.” The stutter in your voice makes you realise you’re shaking. Was it the cold or was it from nerves? Why haven’t you run yet? Why are you thanking him? What if his intention was not to save you, he was just looking for someone to rob? After all he looked pretty fucking strange to you and the way he stared seemed like he was on something. Maybe he needed money for his next fix. “Theres nothing worth stealing in there.” You continue. Then clown tilts his head in the other direction then looks down at the now dirty bag in his hand. “Yeah… I mean if you want useless old art…” You babble aimlessly. Now you’re pretty freaked out. He still hasn’t responded to you. This was the oddest fucking robbery ever. Suddenly the clown is walking towards you, instinctively you back up. He stops.  You stop. “Would you like this back?” He asks. You notice he has a very strange way of speaking. He extends his rather long arm out, offering you the bag back. There was something about how he was staring at you, unblinking. “Uhm… y… yes please.” You take a few steps forward. The clown continues to watch you as you slowly reach out. Your fingers curl around the wet strap, brushing against his gloved hand. Just as you go to pull the bag back and thank the odd stranger, he yanks the bag and you closer. Your eyes widen as you nearly fall headfirst against him. You have to look up as if you’re staring at the sky now as he towers over you. “Interesting human…” He mutters. You can’t do anything but stare back into those almost hypnotic eyes. You don’t notice the only thing keeping you almost pressed against this stranger is your hand still holding onto the bag. He just called you human, implying he was not. By now you’re certain the punch Bowers threw at you knocked you out. That he was slowly killing you and this was a bizarre hallucination, created entirely in your head. One thing you realise, although he is towering over you, his gaze boring down on you like you are prey, you don’t feel frightened. You feel relieved. Whether he intended to or not, this man saved you from what could have been a fatal beating. You relax a little more and give the clown a little smile. Before you can think about what you’re doing and how stupid it was, you’re introducing yourself to this mad stranger. The clown suddenly shakes, almost vibrating and lets out a very strange giggle, at least you think it’s a giggle. “I am Pennywise, the dancing clown.” He introduces with a slight inclination of his head that almost looks like a bow. “And you, intrigue me. I have never seen a human like you before.” You don’t know quite what to make of this. It feels like this is a compliment, a very misguided one. “Thank… you?” You stare at each other for a while again. You’re trying to work out if this is real, what the hell it all meant. Your arm suddenly jerks as Pennywise lets go of the bag. You’re free to go and yet, you can’t bring yourself to pull away. You suddenly quirk your eyebrow making him jump. “I have to say. I’ve never seen anyone like you before either.” A joke. Your jokes are not funny. Only a friend could appreciate your awful humour. And yet you’re joking with this stranger. A moment passes before Pennywise pulls back a bit and giggles again. I was very easy to talk to him. And yet you still were not sure if this was a good thing. Because despite the saving, the jokes and the giggling there was an uneasy feeling lingering around the two of you.                A cold gust of wind breaks you from your thoughts as you involuntarily shiver. You’re soaked through. Your hair and clothes are stuck to you. You realise storming out of your house on such an evening was a very stupid thing to do. “I uh…  I should be getting home.” You watch as Pennywise flinches a bit. For a moment it seems like he won’t let you. Like he’s going to snatch you up and take you off somewhere you’ll never return from. His lips move a bit like he’s thinking about his next words. You notice drool slipping over his red lips and joining the rainwater on the ground. Oddly that doesn’t disgust you as it usually would. Eventually he seems to make his mind up. “Yes.” He simply agrees, a slight hiss in the s, no doubt due to his bunny teeth. Suddenly he moves one of his hands over to his other wrist and yanks at the cuff of his clown costume. He then picks up your wrist and ties something around it. When he lets it go you see a little bell attached to a thin red thread tied there. You look at it then up at him in utter confusion, but he merely smiles back. Your first thought is you can easily cut it off. Then you realise you don’t want to. Pennywise saved your life, and then gave you a gift. “Thank you.” You repeat for the third time. Another shiver brings you back to the burning need to get home and warm. With a quick see you around you throw the bag onto your back and run off in the direction of home.                Pennywise watches you run until he can’t see you anymore. You’re aware his gaze never once left you until you were out of sight. He stood on that bridge for a while, thinking. Thinking about you. For you were now his human, even if you didn’t realise it yet. You were fascinating, fiery and unpredictable. You interested him far too much for him to just let you go like that. You had been so sad and hurt and that had caused the odd reaction to fear. And despite wanting to feel you fear, he realised he didn’t much like that feeling of hurt that had been radiating off you. It gave him an unpleasant taste in his mouth. He went back to the sewers, still pondering you. You were a huge mystery to him, a human he didn’t look at as simply food. While he didn’t like this feeling, he didn’t exactly hate it. For now, he would keep an eye on you. See if this was a one off or if you really were something special.

~

If you got this far, a huge thank you!

[monsterloveday]

Dating is just as enjoyable as explosive diarrhoea.

This will make you laugh. My pathetic failings will make you feel awesome. Man they are good stories to tell. There I was, the 26 year old Jay, feeling lame and inexperienced due to never having gone on a date and really wanting to try it out to ‘cross it off the list’... what a pile of wank. I’d tell her to stay home and eat, I’d tell her to spend that 50 or so quid and spend it on something more useful than trying to impress a guy who she most likely didn't give a crap about. And for the love of god DONT shave - DO NOT WASTE HOURS OF YOUR TIME JUST TO END IN NOT GETTING PORKED AND TO ITCH CONSTANTLY AND GET RASH FOR THE NEXT THREE DAYS.

Why do we do this to ourselves? - who thought meeting a stranger and feeling like you're in a job interview would actually go well? 

Actually maybe we should do it more like it were a job interview - it would certainly save time... *Girl* “Are you a dick?” *Boy* Yes, after I have learned that you wont just fuck me, i’ll piss off and move into the next fanny and will probably forget your whole existence, wait, whats your name again babe?” *Girl* - Thank you for applying, if you do not hear anything, it means you have not been successful”.... AAANDDD leaves. And then theres the trying on numerous outfits / buying brand new clothes to feel sexy and try them all on - with optional shoes and bags and sending all these options via Whatsapp to your mates and making sure you wear good make up but not too much make up, but make up that looks like make up but natural at the same time bla bla blaaaaaa. Surely someone has to earn the right to this shit? - not someone totally random who wont even buy me a drink?!. And whats more - with every date that is bad, you end up totally evaluating your whole love life and go into the major “Woeist MEEE! I am going to be alone forever’ WHERE IST THOU HUSBAND?!” and wanting to eat your body weight in ice cream until you somehow master the courage to do it all again with some other guy who is also “not the one”.  So we have, lets say his name was ‘Dave’. Dave was clearly very shy (my loud ass does NOT do shy guys). His inexperience was very clear, if there were a ten minute gap or so of me not replying to his texts, I’d receive a text from his relative telling me to hurry up and text him back. Oh lord. Why didn't I run for the hills at this point? He wouldn't make any decisions as to where we should go and wanted me to take the lead (urgh, my flange does shut very tightly), so I tell him he could take me anywhere as long as it was quiet so we could hear each other speak and that we could get some cocktails, (after our previous conversation of how much we liked them). His MUM drops him off to our meeting place - a nightclub. A nightclub where coincidentally his mates are. And the first thing he does is look at he prices of cocktails, states he's not getting any due to the expense. So he asks me what else I want, I tell him vodka and coke, he comes back moaning how expensive that was. Bet it wasn't as expensive as my taxis here and back to you love, but Im not being a little bitch about it!. I took turns in getting drinks (I usually do anyway) just to shut this one up.

Inevitably the conversation is pointless as we cant hear each other. (shock!) Knowing this was a failure, I drink enough and start talking of my bingo wings and how my arm fat needs to come off and wobble it in display. I tell him I'm going to get a taxi, so he goes to meet his mates (oh wow didn't see that coming!). To my surprise I still got texts from him the next day. Fail. Then theres Glenn, the guy who looked like a nice chunky bearded lumberjack online, who turned out to be the campiest guy who’s voice was higher than mine and probably weighed about 6 stone and turned out to be a proper hard core man hating feminist. He speaks of how he gets all his girlfriends massive dildos to avoid them cheating on him with actual human men. He is mouthy to a bar man he doesn't like for no reason and demands we go somewhere else.  When he eventually leaves for his train (after hinting and pleading he come back to mine - fucks sake) he asks me out right yet nervously “so um are we going to kiss now?”, I say no and that I don't kiss on first dates, which then leads to him pushing me into a dark corridor at the train station, pinning me against a wall and trying to force it on me - what a true feminist!. On my journey home I get a multitude of apologetic texts stating he acted like everything he hates. Wow. Fail. Another was with a teacher who also had the high pitched voice of a 6 year old girl and had made as much effort as you do for a duvet day - a crinkled T shirt with jeans that dragged on the floor with holes, I smell no cologne nor had his hair been touched. I feel like a right knob when Im dressed up wearing a very flattering top, perfume, hair and make up agonised over. We do a pub quiz in which he regularly “Sssshhhhes” me angrily and tells me Im getting too excited and that the other people will hear me saying the answers. He tells me he hates people who have a problem with his smoking, knowing he stated he is a non smoker on his profile. =| I watch him have a better time with his cigarette then with me. I last an hour and beg for my sisters boyfriend to come and save me. Fail. Hal was the best one. Hal slags off his date from the day before and informs me of his upcoming date for the following day =|. He buys a packet of crisps for us ‘to share’ and chomps on them without offering me one and then tips the packet into his mouth. After telling me previously he knows exactly where he's taking me, we walk around in Bristol with his sat nav, getting nowhere fast. He kindly likes to remind me of when its my round - usually as soon as he has finished his drink. (it may be ‘my round’ darling but its a hell no to you telling me so!) He tells me how he has been in prison for drug dealing and asks me what drugs I do. =| ( erm energy drinks with vodka?) After a few drinks I tell him I don't need another after his offerings, as I am getting tiddley, with this he comes back with come cheesy chips to help me ‘pace out’ - I think, wow he could redeem himself with buying me food! He asks me if I like hot sauce - I tell him no. He then pours hot sauce all over them but thinks this is ok because he also puts ketchup and mayonnaise on them (as these are the ones I state I like). He mixes them all onto one big gooey, disgusting concoction. He devours them like he has never been fed until he gets down to the last one. This one has  managed to escape the sauce, I tell him he can have it... Now, along with everything else Ive already mentioned, Id also like to mention that later on this guy had been drunkenly looking at my chest, telling me “I just want to have sex with you”, he tried to convince me not to take my last train home and to stay at his. But THIS is what takes the biscuit... He eats the last chip. THE LAST CHIP.  HE FUCKING EATS IT!? WHO DOES THAT?....WHO?!. This is when you know someone is truly a fucking asshole. Mega fail. Chris insisted we go on a date again and again and again. After weeks of convincing I give in, he says he will take me out to dinner - on the day of the date, he randomly goes quiet and nothing happens.  Oh ok then!. The next day he drives past me and texts me asking if I want a lift to work. Um no I fucking don't douche bag!. Fail. Kieran. My first actual good date. We even have a nice kiss (even though I dont usually do this but the moment was there) and he says he could actually stay up all night with me talking, that Im the only girl he doesn't just want to have sex with, that he is attracted to me but Im also like a mate to him - good things to say right? Wrong. After the second date (that I asked him to I may add), he tells me hes not used to girls not having sex with him and ditches. Needless to say this didn't give me a wide on. Fail. Now I know what your thinking, that Im a poor judge of character, that not all men are like this and I have been dating men who are clearly twats, some of this is true, but the whole point of dating is to get to know someone and the only way to find out if they are a dick is to go on a date with them, so some responsibility I shan't take! I havent dated for a few years now and Im not planning on trying again anytime soon, regardless of how horrendous they were, Im still actually glad that I have given dating a go and have indeed ‘ticked it off the list’. I do imagine that maybe someone out there in the universe has experienced a good date - who ever you are, where ever you are hiding - I salute you, to the rest of us poor bastards - we are brave souls.  Until I can be assed again, I will continue to date myself and not shave, stuff my face and not have to explain politely why I wont fuck a random stranger on a first date - call me old fashioned, but I do prefer the whole ‘Just talking to each other” thing and I do melt if a man acts like a gentleman. I love that shit! Romance is dead my friends, but so is dating!. Be back soon Jay Monster 

[hopefulbangtan]

I’ll be your eyes (3) - Kim Taehyung fluff/angst

Masterlist (links to all previous chapters there!)

Y/N is a lonely 14 year old girl who is blind. She doesn’t have any friends until she gets a new neighbour, Kim Taehyung. Kim Taehyung shows her the world in hi own way. 

Y/N and Taehyung were on the phone for four hours that night, the call ending when Y/N admitted she was nearly falling asleep.

They talked about a lot, but no words were mentioned about Y/N’s ‘illness’ and she was happy for that. Very happy. Her friends in the past only had conversations about her past, and her inability to see. But, Taehyung, he sees through all that.

She goes to sleep feeling as light as a feather, and a smile coaxing her face.

In the morning, Y/n does her usual routine, and sat at the dinner table, waiting for her tutor to arrive. Once the tutor arrives, Y/N’s mind is on anything but the studying.

‘I wonder why Taehyung never mentioned my eyes. Perhaps he thought it was a sensitive subject. That’s actually really sweet of him. I wonder if he was told the full story, he might feel sorry for me. I hope he hasn’t been told the story, I know he’s my first friend in ages, but I don’t really feel comfortable with sharing this stuff just yet.

What if he knows, and he’s going to tell everyone at school? If he does I swear I’m not going to leave the house. I’ve had enough bullying from them school kids.’ Y/N’s mind tracks on, the words her tutor speaking not registering at all.

Once her tutor leaves at 3pm, Y/N sits messing with her phone. She jumps In surprise when it starts to ring in her hand. She answers it quickly.

“Hello?” She says, unsure.

“It’s just me. I wanted to come see you but mum wants me to unpack my room today- so do you just want to talk over the phone?” Tae’s voice called out

“Sure,” Y/N chuckles, she really hadn’t expected to hear from him until the evening.

“I met this guy in my year- he was so tiny ohmygod. He’s like 2 heads shorter than me, but I’m at least 90% sure he’s gay. He seems totally whipped for this boy a year below us- Jungkook. Oh and there’s Hoseok hyung, hes in the year above, he screams… a lot. Not like a casual scream, no. It’s a full on, ear drum splitting yell, he’s a pretty fun guy though.” Tae rambles, and Y/N can pretty much feel his happiness radiating through the phone.

“Screams of excitement?” Y/N laughs

“Yeah. And then he introduced me to Namjoon hyung, he’s really smart so he’s skipped a grade so hes actually 2 years above us. And then theres Yoongi hyung and Jin hyung who are in Namjoons year. Yoongi hyung seems to be quite… monotone? Plus I caught him sleeping at lunch. Jin hyung is really kind, everyone but Yoongi and Namjoon calls him Eomma.”

“I’m glad you’ve managed to create a nice circle of friends,”

“I want you to meet them one day. You must get lonely at home, alone all day.” Taehyung says, voice suddenly sadder.

“Ya! Don’t assume I’m always alone.”

Y/N takes a drink of water, but jumps when she hears a bang in her room.

“You hear that?” Tae laughed over the phone, while Y/N was still recovering. “That was me dropping a box, I think your room is next to mine”

Y/N sighed and laughed as she heard a series of knocks vibrate off of her back wall. She walks over slowly and knocks a couple of times. She hears a low laugh bounce off the walls- the walls must be thin. She laughs hard as she hears Tae shout bad jokes at the wall.

“To the guy who invented the letter zero- thanks for nothing!”

“Tae!” Y/N wheezed out as she doubled over laughing, he’s been making jokes for a good couple minutes now.

“I’ll stop now,” Tae laughs over the phone

“What’s your favourite colour?” Y/N suddenly asked, not that it mattered to her, she doesn’t remember colours.

“Green, dark green. What’s yours?” Tae seemed unfazed by the sudden question.

“Dark green,” Y/N smiled, not even the slightest clue what it looks like.

“Your mum’s nice, she was really kind to me last night,” Tae said, yawning.

“My…mum? She- She doesn’t live here,” Y/N’s voice shook slightly, and she was happy that Taehyung didn’t follow her up on it.

“I saw her yesterday? Uh- Jenny?”

“That’s my dad’s secretary, she comes over sometimes.” Y/N breathes out, laying on her bed.

“Oh. Where does your mum live?” Tae asked, voice so innocent.

“It’s a secret,” Y/N’s heart throbbed as she said this, she wasn’t ready to talk about it to him.

“Oh” Taehyung said, surprised. “Damn- my tea’s ready- talk later?”

“Sure,” Y/N smiled

Y/N put down her phone but stayed laid in bed, she could hear Tae talking to himself. The walls between their houses really are thin, which is strange… all the other walls in the house are really thick- like her dad is in the room opposite hers but even when she has her door open (and his is closed) she can’t hear him no matter how loud he shouts.

She lays for a small while in bed, letting her mind wander on what Taehyung looks like. With a voice that deep and manly, she can imagine him with a manly face and sharp jawline. She wonders if he’s tall, she hasn’t touched him or stood close enough to be able to tell if he’s taller or shorter than her.

He seems childish, fun. A nice to change to her old friends who were quite glum and pessimistic. Y/N may have only known Taehyung for a day, but already she’s feeling better than she has in years, she can see them becoming close.

_ _

The next week passed slowly. With Tae only just moving in, he didn’t visit because of all the unpacking he had to do. He called her everynight though, and they talked about the usual stuff- like his school (and loud friends there), puns, and small stories from Tae’s time in his old town. Their conversations only lasted upto an hour each night, they’d both be way too tired to carry on talking for long.

“Y/N! I’m doing a night shift tonight. I know you don’t like being home alone so I was going to ask Jenny but she’s busy…” Y/N’s dad came and sat next to her on her bed the next Friday night.

“Oh…” Y/N trailed off.

“So- I asked if Taehyung could stay over. He’s a lovely boy, I see him every morning because we both leave at the same time… And his parents are going out tonight so it works out perfectly.” Y/N’s dad said, somewhat cheerfully.

“Taehyung, staying over?” Y/N said to herself, unsure what to think.

“Look, I know it may seem off because you don’t know him, and he’s a teenage boy. But his parents are so lovely, and so is he. But still, if anything happens, you can ring Carol from across the road,” Y/N’s dad started to sound a bit uncertain with himself.

Of course, leaving your blind (and beautiful) 14-year-old daughter, with a 14-year-old boy who you don’t know well is dangerous, anyone could see that. But, Y/N’s dad isn’t at all good with these type of parenting situations.  Once his wife died, he was thrown blindly into this new world of responsibility. And, he has too much trust in the world. Y/N’s mother never would have let her, at a young age, go for walks on her own. Her dad did though.

Y/N’s dad told her that he’d be leaving in an hour, and Taehyung would be arriving at the same time. Y/N excuses herself as she makes her way to the bathroom. Once there, she closes the door and feels her way to the shower, turning the handle that turns it on. She quickly gets undressed and puts her clothes into the wash basket.

Y/N sighs in content as the hot water washes over her. After a few minutes, she feels on the shelf in the shower until she finds the bottle which has ‘shampoo’ written on in braille. She applies it to her hair, washes it off, and then does the same with her conditioner. After ten more minutes in the shower, she steps out and wraps a fluffy towel around her.

She made her way to her tidy bedroom and got changed into black high waisted jeans and a baggy white button up shirt. She dried her hair with her hairdryer then pulled it into a messy bun, feeling around to check that it was secure and that she hadn’t missed any bits. She puts on her socks and then carefully makes her way downstairs.

“I’ll be going now- Tae’ll be over any minute now. I’ve told him not to bother knocking and just to come straight in,” Y/N’s dad said as he wrapped his arms around his daughter.

“Goodbye dad, have fun,” Y/N said cheerily as she heard him close the front door.

Y/N sighed and sat on the sofa, feeling around until she found the remote. She switched on the TV and idly flipped through channels. She wasn’t paying much attention to anything until she felt the sofa dip next to her. Causing her to jump in her seat and swear.

“Jesus fucking Christ, Tae. You scared me.” She instantly recognised his aftershave.

“Sorry,” He said, voice amused.

Y/N chuckled and shook her head, she passed the remote to Taehyung and insisted that he picked what they had on the television. He took the remote with thanks and she could hear him hum to himself as he flicked through channels. She heard the familiar ‘friends’ theme song play, and then heard Tae clap to the song gleefully.

“Yah! You’re supposed to clap at the clappy bit!” Tae complained

“Taehyung, I swear you’re a three-year-old!” Y/N laughed and hit him on the shoulder playfully.

“A sexy three-year-old.” Taehyung teased.

“Oh god. Please don’t use the word ‘sexy’ and ‘three-year-old’ ever again” Y/N cringed

“I didn’t think that through, oh god,” Taehyung cringed at himself.

There were a few seconds of silence before they both burst into laughter, doubling over and clutching their stomachs. Tae fell from the sofa from laughing so much, and Y/N was laid full out on the sofa, face scrunched up and chest aching.

After a good 5 minutes, the laughter died down and the room was left nearly silent (friends was still on, just buzzing in the background). Both of the teens’ breathing was heavy, and Tae had to wipe the tears that had fallen.

“It wasn’t even that funny,” Y/N mused

“My stomach hurts from laughing,” Tae complained

Tae held out his hand for a high five, he remained like that for a few seconds. He then stared at Y/N expectantly. She was staring straight at him, gleeful smile plastered on her face. But to him, even though she was looking at him, he was having a feeling as though she was just staring straight behind him. She excused herself, to go get a drink.

Tae’s smile faltered when he watched her close her eyes.

And then his stomach flipped when she felt around the sofa.

He bit his bottom lip when she felt around the floor with her foot, checking for obstacles.

He felt his chest tighten as she walked to the kitchen, hand tracing on the wall.

His heart beat echoed in his ears as he followed her in there.

His mouth dried as he watched her feel her way to the fridge.

“That poor girl, oh that poor little girl” He’d heard his mother say that to his dad the morning after he’d first met Y/N. He didn’t want to ask what she was on about because she was having a deep conversation with his dad. He just assumed it was a client.

It made sense. How had he been such an idiot?

Tae’s heart dropped and guilt washed over him like a tidal wave.

Without a second thought, he walked over to the girl and enveloped her in a bear hug. She let out a small squeal of surprise but then chuckled and wrapped her arms around Tae. No words were exchanged for a few minutes, the both just stood there completely silent.

The pure guilt he felt was more than enough to make him dizzy. He’s known this girl for just over a week, talked to her every day, and yet he failed to notice that she was fucking b l i n d. He wants to slap himself silly.

“Shall we take your bag upstairs? The guest room is next to mine,” Y/N pulled away from the hug and gave Taehyung a smile.

Taehyung agreed and picked up his bag from where he had left it on the kitchen counter. Now that he realised the truth about Y/N, he kept his eyes glued to her at every moment, cautious. He trailed behind her upstairs, and she felt along the dips of the wall. They passed a white door, and then at the white door after that, Y/N stopped in her tracks.

They entered the monochromic room. The walls, painted black and white. The double bed, black leather, and the bedsheets a dull cream colour. There’s a desk, a wardrobe, and a set of drawers. Tae sets his bag on the bed and lays back.

“Do you want to come to my room to chill? It’s just- I’m more familiar with everything In there…” Y/N said, leaning against the wall.

“Course,”

When they entered Y/N’s room, Tae’s eyes first drifted to Y/N’s bed, where there were 3 different alpaca plushies. One of them a light mocha shade (matching the walls), another that’s white (matching the furniture), and then a dark teal one (the colour of the bedsheets). Tae picked one up, commenting how cute they are.

“So cute~ If I buy one, we can be matching.” Tae commented, sitting down on the bed.

“Are you on about the alpacas? They were a gift from my father’s secretary.” Y/N chuckled.

“The colours go well with your room,” Tae commented, then cringed at himself. “Shit! Sorry that probably sounded insensitive, ‘cause you can’t see colo-“

“Taehyung, its fine! Speak comfortably.” Y/N chuckled and sat in her desk chair.

“Do you want to watch a movie?” Tae asked after glancing at the TV, which was covered in a thin layer of dust. He then cringed at himself because Y/N can’t exactly ‘watch’.

“Frozen! I really want to watch frozen. I listened to the trailer for it once, and I don’t really have anyone to enjoy movies with..” Y/N spoke up excitedly, like a child, but her voice trailed off at the end.

Tae got up and dusted off the TV, and then both of the teens laid on the double bed while Taehyung scrolled through Netflix to look for the film. Once it was on, Taehyung spent the entire movie explaining what was happening (he wasn’t even asked, he just did it).

“The rooms kinda dim. And Anna’s laid on a sofa now, she’s shivering and shaking- Olaf is at the other side of the room. The rooms spacious- and there’s a fire on.” Tae explained and Y/N nodded along smiling.

Once the movie finished, the both chatted on for a small while about the film

“It’s only 6. Want to go for a walk?” Tae suggested, and Y/N couldn’t bring herself to say no to him.

The two put on their shoes, and Tae shyly asks about her cane as they are about to leave the house. Y/N scoffs and closes the door ‘Cane? Never use it’. They both decided to have a stroll around the park. Y/N insisted that she can walk fine without any assistance, that she’s walked to, and around the park dozens of times.

They don’t talk as they walk to the park, just enjoying the tranquillity of the autumn air. Y/N goes to speak, then stops herself, closing her mouth and scrunching up her brows. Taehyung pretended not to notice and the two carried on walking until they reached the park. They don’t talk until they decide to sit down on a bench near the lake in the park. Y/N does it again, closing and opening her mouth, teetering between wanting to say something, and then thinking better of it and staying quiet.  

“What is it?” Taehyung asked, peering at her curiously.

“Nothing, its just- don’t be worried about offending me, okay? Today you’ve just seemed especially troubled about it,” Y/N said, and once she had, her shoulders relaxed.

“Well,” Tae said embarrassed, “I- I didn’t know you were um- blind. I only realised earlier in the kitchen- I’m really, really sorry,”

Y/N stayed silent for a moment and turned to where (she thought) Tae was (she facing too much to the left but Tae didn’t want to humiliate or correct her, so he quietly moved around in his seat so she was facing him). Taehyung then looked down guiltily. Before he could explain himself further, Y/N burst into fits of laughter.

“Oh my god, Taehyung” She breathed out through waves of laughter. “That’s so funny. You’re so oblivious, like a three-year-old,”

“I thought you were mad,” Taehyung breathed out in relief

“Well, I take it as a compliment. Just goes to show that I can look normal, not some blind freak,” Y/N said, laughter finally died off. “I hope you don’t think any ill of me because of it,”

Y/N was suddenly paler as she realised, when they talked to comfortably to each other over the phone, it was because he thought she was normal, and now he knows, he’s just sticking to her because of guilt. Y/N suddenly feels like she’s going to be sick.

“Ya!” He calls out, offended. “Don’t call yourself that! Because you’re blind doesn’t make you any less of a person.”

Y/N feels tears springing to her eyes, and then Tae wraps his arm around her shoulders, pulling her closer to his side.

Tae didn’t know what else to do. He couldn’t believe how Y/N saw herself.  The words ‘blind freak’ stuck to him. And it pained him to think that she was worried of him leaving her because of her disability. How had she been treat in the past to allow her to think like this? It made Taehyung mad.

He then started to question himself- ‘why am I caring so much about someone Ive known a week?’

But then Y/N smiles and its as bright as the sun, and he knows exactly why.

Next chapter out soon!