#these *elite squads* sure didn’t have their shit together

[tip-top-cloud-surfer]

The Boss - Rooster

Pairing: Bradley "Rooster" Bradshaw / Fem!Reader

Word Count: 2.4k

This work, all of my works, and my entire blog are 18+ Only

MINORS DO NOT INTERACT. I DON'T KNOW HOW MANY TIMES PEOPLE HAVE TO SAY THIS SHIT

Warnings: Bodyguard AU; Power Imbalance; Seemingly One-Sided Attraction; Not Necessarily Healthy Dynamics; Power Struggle; Implied Age Gap (Still VERY MUCH Legal); References to Stabbing; References to Death Threats; Referenced Nudity/Showers; Light Angst; Longing; Reader is a Bit of a Brat; Bradley Suffers; Female Reader with No Name or Identifying Description, No Y/N

Summary: You and your bodyguard, Rooster, are at odds when he tries to keep you locked in the safe house.

Part 2

Master List

It wasn’t like you asked to be the daughter of one of the most powerful men in the world. Your father was known internationally and so was the rest of your family by extension. With all of the fame, money, and power, of course, came the added side effects. Like the threats against your life, since you were your father’s only child after all.

Enter Bradley. Or Rooster as you were supposed to call him whenever you communicated via comms or within earshot of anyone else.

After several threats against your life, your father hired Bradley as your personal bodyguard. He was a part of the revered Iron Daggers, an underground squad of the most elite fighters that the world didn’t know about. Not the general public anyways. 

The Iron Daggers had a reputation of pulling of the impossible. Of always protecting their targets and getting them out of whatever horrible situation in the end. And when your father contacted Maverick, the leader of the Iron Daggers, he sent Rooster.

The best of the best apparently.

And the best looking bodyguard you had or would ever have for the rest of your life.

Hell, you were only human. Rooster or Bradley, as you tended to call him when you were alone, which was often, was tall with a broad, muscled frame that you wouldn’t mind on top of you. His hair and eyes a light chestnut brown that just reeked of homey. And he was quite possibly the only man who you thought could pull off that mustache and somehow become more attractive as a result.

But there were rules. No fraternization or whatever. As if locking you up with just an absolute stud of a man was supposed to prevent you from falling for him.

Spoiler—it had the opposite effect.

But Bradley, ever the professional, never gave into any of your comments or you glances. The most he would do would be to smile sweetly at you and then go straight back to work. And fuck it was getting old. And embarrassing. But, of course, that didn’t stop your mind from wandering or your eyes.

Even on that night, when surrounded by the richest and most powerful people in the world who were all dressed to impress, you were staring at Bradley. He was never more than five steps from you and even if you didn’t have a staring problem, it would have been near impossible for you to be unable to find him.

Finding Bradley’s gaze deviating into the crowd, you couldn’t help but follow his gaze.

A man dressed in a suit that you knew was expensive, was clearly walking towards you through the crowd. You didn’t recognize the man, but you were sure that he knew who you were based on how he looked at you. Not stressed in the slightest, you turned to your right as you felt a gentle hand on the small of your back. In an instant, Bradley was right by your side, putting himself in between you and the approaching man.

"Can I buy you a drink?" Bradley asked, causing your smile to immediately brighten.

“Yes, you may,” you agreed, practically beaming up at Bradley. 

He looked absolutely dashing in his suit, which was pressed and tailored to fit him perfectly. He was here under the guise of being a wealthy businessman and he seemed to play the part perfectly. He offered you his hand, which you took gently, and the two of you headed over to the bar together. Bradley ordered a drink for you and a glass of water for himself before turning to you. He leaned forward, causing your breath to hitch as his lips and the edges of his mustache brushed against your ear.

"Did you recognize him?" Rooster asked, talking about the man who tried to approach you.

"No," you replied, your eyes fluttering closed as you brushed your cheek against his own. "I don't. But I'm not worried about him."

"I'll be the judge of that."

And in an instant, the warmth from Bradley was gone. He was back in his protective body guard mode and nothing that she could do or would do would be able to break that concentration.

The two of you grabbed your drinks from the bar, after quick tampering checks, walked over to one of the tables in the corner. Bradley sat down and angled himself so that he could see the party, but you were entirely focused on him. And hell, anyone who was staring at you could have seen that the only person you had on your mind was Bradley.

It was a poorly concealed crush that was quickly getting a bit out of hand. After all, Bradley was a handful of years older than you and there was no way that your relationship would survive in ‘the real world.’ Though, you didn't care about that. But you knew that Bradley would never break and cross that line. He’d been in this business since he was eighteen. He wouldn’t crack. 

So, you just kept tugging on the possibilities of a fabricated school girl crush to try and keep some kind of sanity in the mess you called your life. 

“Why are you so tense?” you whispered to Bradley, grabbing his hand. “There’s security everywhere. We’re fine.”

“There’s security, but they’re not watching you.”

Taking a sip of your drink, you glanced out at the crowd once again, particularly the dance floor. Feeling a bit emboldened, you hurried to sip down the rest of your drink before hopping up from your seat. 

“Come on. Let’s dance,” you stated, holding out your hand to Bradley. 

“What?”

“I want to dance. So, let’s dance,” you replied as if it was a normal request. 

“But,” Bradley started to protest. 

“Please,” you whispered, which instantly caused his resolve to buckle. 

“Okay, but I’m keeping an eye out.”

“I know. I’ll take it,” you responded, taking Bradley’s hand. 

Pulling him up, you led him out onto the dance floor. A slower and more elegant song was playing, so you rested a hand on Bradley’s shoulder and held his hand. Bradley placed a hand on your waist at a respectful height and swayed with you to the music, though his eyes were always looking out at the crowd. 

Sighing, you tried to get him to glance down at you for even a moment, but Bradley always took his job seriously and put it first. Really, you shouldn't complain since his attention was meant to protect you and make sure you woke up the next morning. But sometimes, you just wanted to forget all of that.

Resting your head against his chest, you closed your eyes and just swayed, trying to make the most of the moment. And unbeknownst to you, that subtle touch worked. 

Bradley, once he felt your head on his chest, broke his stare out at the room and turned to you. Your eyes were closed, so you didn’t notice his stare, but a few moments later, you felt his thumb rub circles in your hip. Smiling softly, you listened to Bradley’s heartbeat and enjoyed the moment. Just when Bradley started to rest his head on top of your own, a scream echoed through the room. 

In an instant, Bradley was on alert. Wrapping his arm protectively around your waist, he spun you away from the source of the scream. The both of you glanced quickly through the crowd to see what the commotion was about and gasped when you spotted a man with a knife sticking out of his chest. 

You didn’t even have time to scream yourself before Bradley pulled you out of the room. 

~~~~~

“That’s it. No more of those stupid parties,” Bradley stated as the two of you returned to the safe house. 

You got away cleanly and the security checks were complete. You were safe. Bradley did his job and got you out of there in one piece. But Bradley was kicking himself the whole way back to the safe house. He should have gotten you out of the room faster. What if you were the intended target? Hell, he shouldn’t have let you out in the first place. 

You were silent the whole drive home and Bradley had wrapped his jacket around your shoulders when you couldn’t help but shiver. The image of the stabbed man was still fresh in your mind and you were still in a bit of shock. Your bare feet padded on the cold concrete floor as your heels hung from Bradley’s hand. 

“That’s the last time we leave here for anything pointless,” Bradley vowed, holding the door open for you. 

But his words seemed to startle you back to reality. Flickering your gaze up to his hardened stare, you frowned lightly. 

“So, I’m just locked away in here?” you whispered out.

“Until it’s safe,” he replied firmly, not even turning to look at you. 

“Don’t I get a say in this?” you demanded, raising your voice a little. 

“Sure. Do you want to live?” Rooster asked sarcastically, causing you to purse your lips together and glare at him. 

“So, I’m just your prisoner now?”

“I’m pretty sure that prisoners aren’t supposed to pay their captors,” Rooster replied with a bit of an attitude, causing you to scoff. “Look, it’s simple. You go out and you’re in danger. So, you’ll stay here where it’s safe.”

You took a step towards Bradley, glaring up at him. Bradley stared down at you evenly and even though you couldn’t quite pick up on it, his self-control was dangerously close to slipping. Your eyes bore into Bradley’s soul as your lips curled into a scowl. 

“You can’t keep me here forever. I’m not a prisoner. And I’m certainly not yours.”

Slipping off his jacket from around your shoulders, you shoved it into his chest before turning and storming off to your room. Bradley grabbed his jacket before it could fall to the ground and watched you as you stormed away from him, trying to not focus on the sensual sway of your hips or the subtle jiggle of your ass.

Gulping thickly, Bradley turned back to the monitors and focused on the task at hand. He gripped the table harshly, reminding himself why he was here. 

He was supposed to protect you. And he almost failed at his job tonight. You could have been hurt because he wasn’t paying attention. And he wouldn’t let himself slip again.

~~~~~ 

You were furious. Absolutely furious with Bradley.

He managed to convince your family that it was safer for you to stay in the safe house or at least a safe house than to go out. And before you could even wake up the next morning, any lick of freedom was taken away from you. The chances to see your friends and family? Gone. Unless they went through the thirty security steps to come visit you in the safe house. Any chance to do anything outside of the safe house sans emergencies? Gone.

You were livid. 

Storming downstairs in the compound, your bare feet padded against the polished concrete floors. You knew exactly where to find Bradley since he still sent you texts about where he was located in the house for safety procedures. You were still dressed in your pajamas, shorts and a tee shirt that actually belonged to Bradley, since you read through your texts with your family while brushing your teeth that morning. 

Forcing your way into the gym, you stormed over to where Bradley was working out, pumping some large dumbbells as music played in the background. Grabbing the remote, you shut off the music, causing Bradley to drop the dumbbells and whip around just in time to catch your positively irate expression.

“Where the hell do you get off!?” you demanded, poking him harshly in the middle of his chest. 

“You heard?” Bradley guessed, looking almost bored with the situation. 

“Of course, I heard! You tattletale!” 

“They requested a status update and I gave them one. It’s not my fault that they agree with me,” Bradley stated, earning a sharp glare from you. 

“Do you want me to go crazy in here?”

“You have every kind of entertainment that a person could possibly need—”

“—I am trapped with only one other person, who just happens to treat me like a child incapable of making their own decisions, in this stupid prison that I never asked for!” you yelled, causing Bradley to pause. “Of course, I’m going crazy! Stop treating me like I’m some delicate baby! And it wouldn’t kill you to listen to me for once!”

Without another word, you stormed out of the gym and headed back to your bedroom. Bradley sighed, running a hand through his hair. He paced a bit, wanting to go back to the workout that he started. But the second that he sat back down, he was standing up again, your disappointed and betrayed expression stuck in his mind.

Bradley walked through the halls, knowing from the security updates on his watch, that you returned to your bedroom. Reaching the door, he knocked lightly on the bulletproof material, letting it echo for a moment before he called your name. 

“What?” you called back, clearly annoyed. 

“Can we talk?”

“Fine. Come in.”

Bradley opened the door, letting it close behind him as he straightened up. But when he finally looked up, he practically stumbled to the floor at the sight of you. 

You were in the middle of tying your hair back and glanced over at Rooster from where you were sitting in front of your mirror. The clothes that you were wearing when you stormed into the gym to confront him were laid out on your bed. And what were you wearing?

A towel. A simple folded fluffy cream-colored towel was all that protected your modesty from his gaze.

“Well?” you demanded, seemingly unfazed by your state of undress.

In actuality, heat was subtly crawling up your neck when you caught the subtle dip of Bradley’s gaze to the tops of your breasts and then your thighs. But in the split second between Bradley’s knock and your answer, you were feeling overwhelmingly petty. And hell, if you were sick of being trapped in this place without any kind of escape, you assumed Bradley was just as pent up as you were.

And, well, you assumed that Bradley—the professional that he was—wouldn’t dare look at you or touch you and compromise his job. So, it was a quiet and not-so-subtle jab back at him for being such as ass and locking you in the safe house.

“Why aren’t you dressed?” Bradley asked, staring up at the ceiling awkwardly before turning back to you.

“Calm down, Captain Chastity, I’ve got a towel on,” you huffed, holding the towel together to prove your point. “And I was going to take a shower until you interrupted me.”

“Then why did you let me in here?” Rooster demanded, annoyance seeping into his tone.

“You wanted to talk and I wanted to get it over with,” you replied, standing up from your vanity.

Feeling a bit emboldened by the fact that Bradley wouldn’t even look at you when you were in this state, and in need of taking some kind of control in your life, you stood up and padded over to where Bradley was standing in your room.

His jaw was set harshly, making his jawline appear all the more sharp. Veins popped off of his neck due to how tightly he was holding his jaw shut. His cheeks were colored by perhaps rage or embarrassment or a mix of both. But he kept his gaze on your eyes. Never once breaking and glancing down to stare at the more scandalous views you. And well, if he wanted to play that game, you would play that game. This was a battle of wills and you weren’t going to crack first.

“I’m not your prisoner, Rooster,” you warned him. "You're not the boss of me."

"I'm just trying to do my job. Stop making it so difficult," Bradley shot back, staring you down.

In a flash of defiance and reflection of just how pent up you felt, you reached up and grabbed the fold of your towel. A quick flick of your wrist and the fabric gave way. Bradley, ever the professional, averted his eyes and stared at the ceiling as your towel pooled on the ground.

"Is that difficult enough for you?" you huffed, setting your hands on your now bare hips.

Staring up at him as he refused to move and look at you, you took two steps towards him, feeling more emboldened than before. Bradley noticeably tensed as you drew closer to him and raised yourself up on your toes to whisper in his ear.

“You can’t keep me locked in here forever," you vowed, causing Bradley's jaw to lock. "You're not the boss of me."

Bradley stayed where he was as you walked into your bathroom and started the shower. It wasn’t until he heard your shower door slide shut that he lowered his gaze away from the ceiling. Breathing heavily and now absolutely red in the face, Bradley glanced down to see your towel on the ground. Shuddering, he turned and stumbled out of your room.

He was about to turn for the gym before changing his mind and heading for his own bedroom instead. Slamming the door shut behind him, Rooster quickly locked the door behind him before heading for the shower himself. He wasted no time in cranking the shower to ice cold and shoving himself under the spray.

Jesus Christ, you were going to be the death of him.

Part 2

[bitchymanlet]

Safety Net

Chapter 1: The Plan

🔞MINORS DO NOT INTERACT🔞

Pairing: Levi x Fem!OC; Sub!Levi x Domme!OC

Tags/Content Warnings: canon compliant; problematic; pregnancy; baby trapping; porn with plot; explicit sex; angst; obsession; jealousy; age gap (both are adults); losing virginity; secret relationship; power imbalance; superior and subordinate romance; D/s dynamic; BDSM (FYI, these tags cover the overall story. No sex or kink in this chapter.)

Word Count: 2,491

Summary: Ambitious Scout Emmy Bohn, member of the elite Captain Levi's Special Operations Squad, finally brings her dream to fruition by means of deceiving the one who she holds most dear, her own Captain. However, it's not all smooth sailing from there. She must grapple with the possibility that the life of peace she's meticulously crafted in her mind over the years—the control that she so desperately craves—may always be a mere fantasy.

A/N: This is my first fanfic I've ever published. Hope you enjoy.

Levi shuffled into the Commander’s office with a despondent look etched onto his stony-face. He kept some distance between himself and Erwin’s desk, yet far enough away from the door to prevent anyone outside from eavesdropping.

“Levi.” Erwin perked up, giving the Captain his full attention.

Levi rips off the bandaid. “I’m in deep shit, Erwin... Emmy’s pregnant,” he paused, putting his hands on his hips and sighing, “and it’s mine.”

Erwin eyeballed Levi, waiting for an elaboration. “Care to explain?”

“It’s been so long since you got laid that you forgot how pregnancy works? We had sex.”

Erwin shut his eyes and released a long, weary sigh. “You’re not making my job any easier, Levi.”

“Sorry for the inconvenience,” Levi deadpanned.

Erwin stared at nothing as he put on his signature thinking face.

Levi spoke up, “Nobody knows. Except for Dr. Sieger at the infirmary. Emmy just found out today and came straight to me with the news. So…” Levi shrugged, crossing his arms. “Any ideas?”

Erwin thought about it. If the doctor had confirmed it, then there’s little chance that she’s lying about her pregnancy. Nor would it be feasible to assume the doctor would tell anyone, that’s a small relief to Erwin at least, since Dr. Sieger is under oath to keep patients’ medical confidentiality.

“There’s no certainty that the child is yours.”

Levi scowled. “Are you really suggesting that Emmy, the one without so much as a speck of dirt on her record, is actually a slut?”

“You cannot be certain that there is no possibility for her to have gotten pregnant from someone else.”

Levi’s scowl faltered slightly. He had only slept with Emmy once, and in that single time he had worn a condom. Shit happens, a broken condom isn’t unheard of. Sure, there was a possibility that Emmy could’ve seen someone else around that time… He scoffed at such a bullshit notion. She was a virgin right up until they had done the deed. But that’s none of Erwin’s business.

“You know Emmy’s reputation. And you know damn well how easily word gets around. Petra is Emmy’s bunkmate, she’s got the bottom bunk and she’s a light sleeper. If Emmy snuck off to go fuck somebody, Petra would’ve found out, and she couldn’t keep it secret–that girl wears her heart on her sleeve.” Levi glanced off to the side. “There’s no doubt about it… it’s mine.”

Erwin stared at Levi. “By your logic, Petra would know about Emmy sneaking off to see you. She could be a witness.”

“Petra doesn’t know because Emmy didn’t sneak off. I gave Emmy a late night assignment… As far as Petra knows, Emmy was busy following orders,” Levi muttered.

Erwin folded his hands together over his desk. “This was no accident, I see. This was premeditated.” He nodded, gazing at his hands before looking at Levi. “You realize that fraternization is prohibited? This is grounds for dishonorable discharge.”

“I’m well aware,” Levi answered dryly. “What’s the point in telling me this? You’re gonna give us the boot? Okay, thanks for dragging me out of that shithole, my six years as a Scout have been a blast, good luck with saving humanity, Commander.”

Erwin let out a wry chuckle. “You know that I would never give you the boot. Emmy is another story…”

Erwin considered the possible outcomes. If the child was indeed Levi’s, according to the military code, that would mean both Levi and Emmy would have to be dishonorably discharged. Booting Humanity’s Strongest Soldier from the Survey Corps would be shooting himself in the foot at best and damning the fate of humanity at worst. Although, if he kept their affair under wraps, Emmy’s pregnancy would eventually become a problem. He wasn’t so much of a monster that he would put a pregnant soldier on the front lines. Emmy is a very capable soldier in her own right, but so were many others. Nor could he make her take the fall for this either–it would ruin her.

“Her squadmates are aware that she is sick,” Erwin said. “I could formally put down that she has contracted a severe ailment and give her medical leave. Perhaps it was a flare up from some chronic illness that she had under control, until now. She can return at her own discretion.”

“Beats a dishonorable discharge, but… then she’d have to report for duty after her leave. What about the kid? She doesn’t have a family to take care of it, they're all dead,” Levi said in agitation.

“Then her duty won’t be on the field. She could transfer to office work, again, on the grounds of her documented chronic illness.”

“Then who would take care of the kid?”

Erwin narrowed his eyes. “Why don’t we ask her?” He stood up from his desk with an air of nonchalance. “Bring her here.”

Levi clenched his jaw and left to fetch his pregnant subordinate.

~~

When Emmy entered the Commander’s office, none other than Commander Erwin himself was seated on his small, professional-looking sofa.

“Hello, Emmy. Have a seat.” Erwin gestured for her to sit on the other side of his sofa.

Emmy stood frozen in place while Levi walked past her and plopped down in a chair.

She quickly nodded. “Yes, sir,” she said, quiet as a mouse, then she rushed to the sofa and sat down.

She held her trembling hands together on her lap. It wasn’t often that she had the chance to speak directly to Commander Erwin. Despite only having eyes for the Captain, even she couldn’t resist his charming aura.

But she had to keep it together. This is the moment of truth. She cannot screw this up.

“How are you feeling?” Erwin asked in a low tone of voice.

She cleared her throat. “Uh-I-I’m, uh, fine… sir.” She didn’t have to act here. Her anxiety was so real, her voice went up an octave higher without even trying. She gulped, hoping she wouldn’t throw up all over his nice rug.

“Captain Levi told me the news; that you are with child. Congratulations.”

Emmy glanced at Levi, who had a somber look in his eyes. She then lowered her head, saying nothing.

“Perhaps a ‘congratulations’ is not very appropriate, for the circumstances in which you find yourself are anything but.”

Emmy bit her quivering lower lip. She let out a whisper of a noise, trying to find the courage to speak. This was supposed to be the easiest part, yet here she is, all choked up in the Commander’s office like she’d just seen a titan for the first time.

“Nevertheless, I haven’t summoned you here for a reprimanding. I must ask you, what course of action would you prefer for yourself? I suggested that I give you a medical leave for your chronic illness, and that once you have recovered, you may return to do office work. Captain Levi, however, doesn’t like this plan.”

Emmy lifted her head up, widening her eyes at Erwin.

“I’m not getting punished?” Emmy’s high-pitched voice shook.

“No. This is… a special case, let’s call it that. Now, your thoughts?”

Her heart raced in her burning chest, in any moment her stomach acid could come up, further stripping her of her dignity before her two heroes. How she loathed making herself appear meek. Subordination was one thing, for she would gladly accept the command of a worthy leader. Meekness made her stomach twist in knots.

This is just a means to an end, she reminded herself, fidgeting with her hands all the while Erwin’s and Levi’s eyes locked on her.

Her eyes filled with tears. “I… worked so hard to get to where I am, sir,” her voice cracked, and she blinked her tears free. “To think that… after all this time, my-my career is…” She hiccuped, her voice caught in her throat.

Levi stepped up to her, pulling his handkerchief out from his breast pocket and handing it to her before retreating back to his chair, draping his left arm over the back.

Emmy whined at the kind gesture, her Captain always did have a keen sense of compassion. She gingerly wiped her tears on Levi’s divine handkerchief, almost as soft and silky as his skin. What a shame that her nose was too snotty to be able to smell it.

How despicable this was, and she knew it. After all the times she had been praised for her diligence; for her bravery, even from her beloved Captain Levi.

“I’m not fighting for humanity anymore…”

She never fought for humanity. She fought for herself. For this one goal.

“I’ll just be a mom,” Emmy heaved. “If I did office work, then there wouldn’t be anyone to care for my baby... My family died in the Titan invasion of Shiganshina five years ago!”

“Levi told me the same." Erwin’s eyes bore into her own with intensity, she hadn’t even noticed him blink yet. "What should we do instead, Emmy?”

She blew her nose into the Captain’s handkerchief, sullying the precious thing with her filth.

“Maybe… a medical discharge would be most ideal…?” her voice cracked.

Erwin quirked an eyebrow, and Levi leant forward in his chair.

“A medical discharge?” Erwin broke his gaze away from Emmy for a brief moment as he sat up straight and tilted his head. He then looked at Levi.

“That way,” she continued, “I could stay home to raise my and Captain Levi’s child, without being called into duty,” Emmy said in a lower tone, closer to her natural speaking voice.

The room fell silent. Emmy clutched Levi's soiled handkerchief, her eyebrows knit in worry. This was it. All the Commander had to do was approve. If he doesn’t, then these past five years would have been for nothing.

She would rather kill herself than succumb to a titan. If she had no control over how she could live her life, then at the very least she could control how she would die.

“Emmy… Do you love Levi?”

“Why the fuck would you ask her that?” Levi’s expression twisted into a grimace.

“Well, I’m curious.” Erwin glanced at Levi before turning his body over to Emmy, staring into her eyes again. “Why not one of your fellow squadmates with whom you spend more time in the day getting intimately involved? Why Levi, your superior officer?”

Levi gripped the back of his chair.

Being asked that so suddenly brought on a wave of heat over Emmy. She had a lot to be ashamed of, but there was no shame in loving the man who gave her a purpose for living. If this would help to convince the Commander of going along with her plan, then so be it.

Her breath hitched, her face flushing as she raised her shoulder in a bashful manner. “I do. I am in love with my Captain, sir. I have a close relationship with each of my squadmates, and I do care for them deeply, but the Captain…” Emmy continued with her shaky voice, “There’s no one in the walls who I admire more...”

She winced, dropping her head in embarrassment at admitting this to the both of them, and her eyes had again filled with tears as she bit into her stupid quivering lip. Her stomach gurgled in the silence.

Levi squinted his eyes; a pained, sympathetic look to his face. He’s heard her say it before, but now, he can’t quite shake it off as easily as he once had. This crush of hers that he foolishly fed into led to all of this. He can’t shake off the fact that he’s going to be a father. Father to a child growing inside of his most dedicated subordinate who will lose the career she fought tooth and nail to attain, all because he didn’t keep it in his pants.

Erwin scrutinized her reaction for an uncomfortable length of time.

“Very well, you shall have your medical discharge. Consider this matter settled.”

Emmy released a puff of air as Erwin stood up from his sofa and went over to his desk. “You’ll get lump sum payments for the two years you have spent in active duty. No retirement benefits, I’m afraid, but name one Scout with that privilege.”

Erwin opened one of his drawers and looked through his files. “You have served us well, Emmy… You are dismissed.”

In place of relief, she felt a pang in her heart and cringed as she held herself back from gagging.

“Thank you, Commander Erwin,” she said in a choked voice and leapt up on her feet. She saluted Erwin then glanced at Levi for a split second before turning her head guiltily. She hurried out of Erwin’s office, clinging Levi’s delicate handkerchief to her chest, feeling like the most revolting human being who had ever lived.

Levi sighed from his nostrils as he squeezed the back of his chair so firmly that the wood made a creaking sound. He glared at Erwin, who seemed unfazed.

“Oi. Blondie. Did you have to get so weirdly personal there?”

“I was determining her motive.”

Levi scoffed. “Now you’re calling her a liar? I know her better than you do.”

“There’s no need to get defensive. I granted the woman her wish, did I not?”

“Yeah, but why did you ask her that shitty question?” Levi stood up and strode over to Erwin’s desk. “You had to twist the knife in her wound?” Levi spoke with a harsh, gravelly voice.

“Think about it, Levi. You know who you are.”

Levi rolled his eyes. “I don’t give a shit what her motive is. She’s my comrade in arms. I’ve saved her life, and she’s saved mine. And she didn’t use mind control to get me into bed, I made the choice to fuck her.” Levi leant his fists against Erwin’s desk. “Fact of the matter is, I knocked her up. This is my responsibility, Erwin. End of story.”

Erwin hummed. “That is your prerogative, Levi.” Erwin found what he was looking for, and took out a medical discharge document before sitting down. “Even so, ‘taking responsibility’ here entails that this will remain strictly confidential. I am effectively sweeping this under the rug. If there is any documentation of you and Emmy having an intimate relationship, that could be held against me as Commander.”

“I get it. I’m not marrying her.”

“And you must make it clear to her that any sexual affiliation she has with you is not to be shared with anyone. In your heart you can claim it, though, legally, that child is not yours.” Erwin dipped his quill into ink and began writing onto the document. “She was diagnosed with a debilitating chronic illness and is hereby found to be medically unfit for duty. If perchance anyone discovers her pregnancy, it is nothing more than a subsequent occurrence of her early retirement.”

Levi’s knuckles still against the wood, his jet black fringe curtaining over his aggrieved, downcast face.

“I’ll be sure to spell that out for her.”

~~

Join my taglist @sixpennydame

[cycat4077]

Well, that was a dumpster fire 🙄

[bestofbucky]

Eavesdrop

Pairings: Bucky x Reader

Word Count: 5.1k

Warnings: none really, enemies to ?

A/N: This is my first time posting something I have written. I hope you enjoy it! Thank you so much @tuiccim for your help, couldn’t have done it without you.

Being an Avenger is tough. Of course, there are the obvious missions and kicking ass that are exhausting, especially because you don’t have any sort of enhancements or powers. You are just a regular human being, fighting with and against some not so regular human beings. Naturally when you have downtime, you spend it doing things with the least amount of effort. Watching Netflix, listening to music, taking baths, etc, meaning that your social life outside of the compound was, to put it simply, non-existent.

You had just returned from the worst date of your life, well, one of the top five worst dates of your life. Over the past couple of months Steve and Natasha had grown tired of you whining about being single but not making any effort to change it and began sending you on blind dates. Somehow, they managed five different times to find five completely awful people. This time they had set you up with Arthur, a recruit for SHIELD and a good one at that. You wouldn’t be surprised to see him on the elite squad soon, but when it came to your date, he was really blunt and inappropriate, and you had cringed your way through the entire thing.

Once you got back to the compound, you first went to your room to get changed into gym clothes for training with Nat, then headed to her room. On your way you passed one of the common rooms and heard two voices. One familiar but one you didn’t recognise, you decided to check it out and found Steve and another man.

Steve called your name inviting you over to them as they both stood up. ‘This is Bucky. He’s moving in today to begin training.’ Steve explains. You nod and smile at Bucky, remembering Steve told you about him and that he would be living here and eventually joining the team.

You have to stop yourself from gasping out loud at the sight of him. He is a 6 ft something hunk of muscle and beauty and you can’t stop yourself from trying to take him all in with your eyes.

Steve then introduces you to Bucky who looks in your eyes for all of two seconds to say, ‘hi’ before looking down at his feet. He is probably really nervous. Even from that two second glance, you could tell he had one hell of a past. They had you hooked already, you wanted to stare into those eyes and let them tell you the stories of the lifetime they had seen.

‘You were just in Wakanda right? How was it? I have only ever seen it in pictures but I really want to go.’ You let your excitement show, hoping to relax him a bit.

‘Yeah, it was nice. I was frozen for most of it though’ Shit, he curses himself. He didn’t mean to come across so rude but he was really nervous, you are really pretty and it is messing with his head a little. It doesn’t help that he has had to meet a lot of different people today and he is all socialised out. He sees your face fall slightly before you quickly compose yourself, any normal person would have missed it but he has his past of being a trained assassin.

‘Well, Nat is probably waiting for me, she told me she would show me some new moves today.’ You say realising that Bucky had probably been under a lot of stress lately and most likely just wanted to be alone, or with Steve rather than chatting to you, a stranger. At least you hoped this was the reason and it wasn’t that he already disliked you. Saying goodbye to the two of them you head off to Natasha’s room.

Not even bothering to knock, you walk into her room leaving the door open behind you, since you’ll be heading down to the gym soon anyway. Natasha is sitting on the end of the bed braiding her hair. ‘You almost ready?’ You ask.

‘Yeah, just got to finish my hair then put my shoes on.’ She tells you so you take a seat on her bed while you wait.

Meanwhile, Bucky told Steve that he wanted to go get his room sorted. Really it was just an excuse to be alone for a little while. On the way there he walked past a room with the door open and heard two voices talking, recognising them to be you and Natasha. He was just about to carry on walking to his room when he heard Natasha ask, ‘did you meet him yet?’

Bucky assumed she was talking about him and wanted to hear what you had to say. He hoped you would be understanding of his reticence after his taxing morning. 

‘Yeah, I met him today.’ You sigh and roll your eyes.

‘That bad?’ Nat asks, raising her eyebrows with a slight smirk on her face.

‘Yes, I tried to be as friendly as I could but he seemed like a jerk.’ You huff.

‘How so?’

‘He was so blunt he just came across really rude. I had high expectations, especially after hearing Steve say so many nice things about him.’

‘Maybe he was just having a bad day?’ She attempts a defence. 

‘Bad day or not, he should have the courtesy to smile and be polite even if it is fake.’

Bucky was so hurt to hear this. Yes, he wasn’t the nicest to you but your reaction seemed a bit dramatic. He didn’t want to hear you say any more so he rushed off to his room.

‘So, I guess you aren’t going to go on a second date with him then?’ Nat asks.

‘No, I really appreciate you and Steve trying to set me up but seeing as this is the 5th time and none of them were any good, I think I’ll go back to my old methods.’ You smile at her.

‘What, never putting yourself out there and waiting for the right person to just fall into your lap?’ Nat teases and you both laugh when you nod. She finishes tying her shoelaces and you head off to the gym.

The next day you were leading a meeting of recruits who have the potential to be moved up into the squad that worked with the Avengers. The elite squad. Unfortunately for you, Arthur was in the group of recruits and was probably the next one to be promoted.  You finally dismissed everyone and started getting your stuff together to leave as well when Arthur came up to you.

‘What’s the word on who is moving up next, dove?’ You look up in shock, surely, he didn’t just call you dove.

‘Excuse me?’ You look him dead in the eye.

‘I said what’s the word on who is moving up next? I think you might need to get your hearing checked.’ He laughs at his own joke so you fake laugh with him.

‘That’s confidential., we’ll let everyone know when we have made the decision.’ You say and go to walk past him but he grabs your arm.

‘Does someone need a little convincing. If it’s you, then I can think of some ways.’ He whispers seductively in your ear. You pull your arm out of his grasp and frown at him.

‘I’m only joking, dove, come on, you can’t even take a joke?’ He laughs again.

You put on your best fake smile and your customer service voice. ‘There will be no convincing necessary. You are a good agent but you also have good competition. We will inform you all of our decision when it is made.’ You say and quickly turn and walk out the door before he can say anything else. When you get into the lift you ask FRIDAY where Steve is.

‘Common room A, Agent Y/L/N’. You make your way there as quick as possible. Heading around the corner, you slam into a solid object. You hiss at the contact on your fresh bruises, a frown appearing on your face. As soon as you look up to see what or who you bumped into, the frown quickly fades into a smile when you see its Bucky. He is already looking at you.

‘Sorry I should have been watching where I was going.’ He mumbles quickly.

‘No, it’s just as much my fault as yours. I shouldn’t have been in such a hurry.’ You apologise to him. As much as you would love to stay and chat  with  Bucky, you need to get to Steve to explain what just happened with Arthur and hopefully you can get him kicked off the team.

Bucky had left his room to try and find someone to help him figure out a few things with FRIDAY but as soon as he bumped into you that completely left his mind. You were all that filled his mind ever since he met you. He stood in the hallway for a while before realising he should ask you to help. Maybe this would be a good excuse to make up for his poor first impression. He heads in the direction you went but stops short when he hears your voice.

‘I think he bruised me. The dick.’ You say and Steve frowns at you ‘Come on, Steve. I’m  allowed to be angry. He has been nothing but a jerk to me,’ you explain and shift to get more comfortable.

‘What did you say to him when he did this?’ Steve asks, holding your arm and examining the newly formed bruises in the shapes of fingers.

‘I put on my best fake smile and pretended like everything was ok,’  You joke and Steve laughs, ‘as much as I hate the guy, I don’t have the confidence to actually show it.’ You sigh and Steve pulls your sleeve back down and leans back into the sofa. ‘Is there any way we can kick him off the team?’ You exaggerate batting your eyelashes at him.

‘He isn’t even on the team yet and you already want to kick him off?’ Steve questions.

‘Yes! I really don’t like him. I know he is your friend but I trust him about as far as I can throw him’ You explain and Steve nods.

Bucky had heard enough. He can’t believe you could be so horrible. You had the sweetest exterior and, from first impressions, you didn’t look like you could hurt a fly. But as he heard you say, you clearly put on a fake act to come across as polite and kind when really you are rude deep down. He didn’t mean to eavesdrop on you. Twice now. But he is so glad he did, because now he knows not to waste his energy on you. He knows what you think of him and he has formed his opinion of you. He hurries back to his room.

‘He’s not my friend Y/N, I only said that to you to make you go on the date with an open mind. I’ve only ever had one conversation with the guy,’ Steve jokes and you playfully push his arm, ‘All jokes aside, his behaviour breaks a lot of conduct rules and is a good enough reason to have him knocked down a few squads.’ Steve replies and you sigh with relief. You hug Steve and thank him for his help, he’s taken slightly off guard but hugs you back before you go your separate ways.

 A few weeks later, you walk into the kitchen to find the whole team eating their breakfast. Sam is cooking and when he sees you, he makes a plate and hands it to you.

‘Thank you Sam.’ You hug him and take the plate, turning around at the sound of Bucky’s scoff. You haven’t had a conversation with Bucky since you bumped into each other in the hallway. You had tried to but he either completely ignored you or just rolled his eyes and left the room.

At first it hurt, you wondered if you had done something wrong. The team seemed just as confused by it as you. Bucky didn’t have a problem with anyone else. That wasn’t to say he was extremely friendly with them, he wasn’t there yet and nobody blamed him but he could hold conversation with the others. He even laughed at their jokes. You were starting to get fed up with it so after breakfast you headed to Bucky’s room to talk to him. You knocked on the door and it wasn’t long until he answered it. As soon as he saw you his face fell visibly.

‘Can we talk?’ You asked hoping he would let you into his room. He paused to consider it then stepped out of his room, closing the door behind him. He stood there with his arms crossed and waited for you to talk.

‘Is there something I did wrong?’ You ask him and he keeps a blank face.

‘Why do you care?’ He asks still arms crossed over his body.

‘I care because you are always scoffing or rolling your eyes at me whenever I try to talk to you.’

‘I’m not scoffing or rolling my eyes now.’ He points out.

‘No but you’re not exactly being very friendly.’

‘Would you prefer for me to fake it then? Just put on a smile and pretend to like you?’ He jabs. You take a moment to process what he just said. You didn’t realise he could be so mean.

‘No Bucky I would prefer for you to maybe make an effort to get to know me before making a judgement.’ You scowl at him.

‘I have a perfectly fine judgement of you. I am not going to fall for your fake smiles and fake friendships.’ Bucky snarls and walks back into his room closing his door in your face. You are left to stand there in shock.

On the other side of the door Bucky is leaning there conflicted. The shock on your face looked so genuine. No, he has to remember it is all an act with you.

From that day on you decided you weren’t going to make an effort with him. It wasn’t the most mature decision but you were tired. What used to be eye rolls and scoffs, now turned into snarky comments and you were no longer afraid to throw them right back at him.

Steve had tried a few times to talk to you about it but, when he couldn’t tell you why Bucky hated you, he realised there was nothing he could do to change how either of you felt about the other. What he could do was change up your schedules so the two of you were rarely ever in the same room together.

Unfortunately, instead of the arguments happening quite calmly but consistently over the course of the whole day. They were now much shorter, confined to just mealtimes, and much more heated and intense. None of the team knew which was worse.

You were sparring in the gym with Natasha trying to work off some steam from this morning’s argument with Bucky.

‘Your moves are sloppy, get whatever is making you emotional out of your head.’ She grunts at you but this only forces you further into your head.

You go hard at her, but she blocks every move so you go to defence. She smirks at you, ‘Has a certain super soldier got into your head?’

That causes a surge of anger to hit you and again you go hard at Natasha, but your anger only allows her to catch you off balance and you are pinned to the mat in a matter of seconds.

‘So it is Barnes.’ She  pulls you up and you brush yourself off before getting back into a fighting stance.

‘I don’t want to talk about it.’ You grunt at her and start your attack. Your moves are still predictable and anger clouds your mind. You feel yourself getting more and more worked up with every hit she blocks.

You retreat to take a breather, you hear the door open and you glance over, the man of the hour has just entered and you roll your eyes but continue to spar with Natasha.

Out the corner of your eye, you see him make his way over to you both, watching as you take a lot of hits from her and barely manage to land any of your own.

‘I have seen toddlers fight better than you Y/N.’ You hear him chuckle.

‘I don’t need your opinion.’ You grunt, still trying to keep your focus on Natasha.

‘Fight like that on the field and you’ll be dead in two seconds.’

‘Keep talking and you’ll wish you were dead.’

He laughs ‘Is that a threat?’ You ignore him and continue sparring. ‘Your punches are so weak, how did you become an Avenger again?’ He is still smiling knowing exactly which buttons to push.

You stop and make your way over to him. ‘I became an Avenger because of my talent and my strength, that I worked hard to earn.’ You are right up in his face, almost chest to chest. You are breathing hard, partly from the exercise but mostly because of how riled up you are. You notice he is breathing hard as well, his breath fanning across your face.

Your mind can’t help but drift, is this what he would look like in bed, his chest rising and falling faster than normal. Small beads of sweat gathered at his hairline from his recent run. You suddenly realise how close the two of you are and force the inappropriate thoughts from your mind. You hate how seeing him so riled up is actually a huge turn on. How could you let yourself be attracted to such an asshole?

‘You wouldn’t stand a chance against me.’ His voice drops so low that in a different circumstance you would have happily dropped your panties.

‘You’re right. I wouldn’t stand a chance against you and your metal arm that you were given. Or you and the super soldier serum that you were given.’ You know they are cheap shots but you just couldn’t help how absolutely fuming he makes you. He had managed to get under your skin and the thought of him being successful only made you angrier.

He leans down even more, your noses almost touching ‘I don’t know how everyone else can’t see through your little nice act. You pretend to be so kind on the outside but deep down you’re a bitch.’ Ouch. You deserved that one for what you said to him but it didn’t make it hurt any less. Especially because if you were hooked up to a lie detector and asked to say those things again, it would flash up as a blatant lie. However, looking into his eyes there was not an ounce of regret for what he said.

Bucky knew he shouldn’t have said what he did, but you had hit a nerve and it was the only thing he could think to say back. He saw the hurt flash across your eyes but it was too late to take it back now. The only thing he could do was exit the situation before it got any worse. He turned on his heels and left the room, leaving you standing there in complete shock at your exchange. 

Natasha calls your name but you quickly leave for your room before anyone can see you like this.

The team was split all across the base. This wasn’t how you would usually handle missions but as soon as you arrived the mission started to go sideways.

‘Target headed towards the west elevator. Anyone nearby copy?’ You hear Steve’s voice through comms.

‘I'm on it.’ You say back, your comms crackling more than usual.

‘Copy that.’ Bucky said, his comms crackling from the two of you talking at the same time.

The rest of the team had heard both of your voices but neither of you had heard the other. So it was a big shock when you were waiting for the elevator and you heard his voice behind you.

‘You have got to be kidding me.’ He sighs and slowly walks up to you to wait for the elevator as well. ‘Did you not hear me say I got it?’ He snaps at you.

‘No because I was the one that said I’m on it.’ You snap back and thankfully the elevator dings it’s arrival. Normally in creepy Hydra bases you would avoid elevators but seeing as there was no stairwell nearby, this was the only option.

‘Age before beauty.’ You say to him, gesturing to the elevator.

‘Very funny’ he says sarcastically before stepping inside. You follow after him and press the only floor button available.

Silence permeates the small space as you prepare for what’s to happen once the doors open. Instead, the elevator jerks to a stop.

‘No.’ You panic and start pressing the floor button over and over. ‘No no no no no.’ Nothing is working.

‘Let me try.’ Bucky says pushing you out of the way, you so badly want to say something but the only thing you can focus on is the fact you might be trapped. Bucky taps the button and looks around for anything else to press but there is nothing. You can feel yourself start to get light headed as claustrophobia takes hold and the thought of falling to your death in this metal box takes over your thoughts. You shrink down onto the floor and hold your head in your hands.

‘Do you always have to be so dramatic?’ Bucky huffs. You don’t answer him, the only thing you can think about is the pain starting in your chest and your breathing getting heavier. 

‘Stop breathing so fast. You are going to make yourself pass out.’ Bucky grunts but when you don���t reply or make any effort to slow your breathing he gets worried. He kneels down in front of you ‘Hey? Doll? Can you hear me?’ You can’t answer him, you just feel the impending doom and the immense pressure on your chest. ‘I’m going to move your hands.’ He announces then you feel him take your hands and pull them away from your face. You look at him, tears in your eyes, a look of pure fear across your face. ‘Breathe with me, doll. Can you do that?’ He asks and you manage to nod. He speeds his breathing up to your pace then gradually slows it, you follow him as best as you can and eventually you get your breathing back to normal, with the occasional hiccup or sharp intake.

Once he sees you are ok, he lets go of your hands and sits on the floor as far away as he can. You both continue to sit in silence.

‘Thank you.’ You eventually manage to whisper, he nods without meeting your eye.

You can’t help but feel disappointed, you just got to see a caring side of Bucky and it felt amazing to be on the receiving end of it, but now you are back to him not giving a shit about you. You go back and forth wondering whether it is the right time to bring up the issues between you two. If not now, when?

‘Why do you hate me so much?’ He looks across at you and sighs before he answers.

‘I don’t hate you.’

‘Yes you do. It seems like you go out of your way to make me miserable.’ You push, making him lean his head back on the wall behind him.

‘I don’t hate you. I just don’t like how you formed opinions about me so early on. You wanted me off the team before I even got cleared to be on the team.’ Bucky explains. You stare at him in confusion.

‘How do you know what opinions I formed of you? I may have wanted you off the team but it was only because you were mean and that was after you were cleared.’ You could feel yourself starting to get angry.

‘Then how come I overheard you talking about the first time we met to Nat, you said I was blunt and rude. Then after I accidentally bumped into you, you told Steve you wanted me off the team.’ Bucky says agitatedly.

‘I never-‘ you think back to any conversations you had with Nat and Steve about Bucky. The only ones that came to mind were asking them if they knew why Bucky didn’t like you. Then it hits you, he had overheard you talking to Steve and Nat about Arthur. You sighed.

‘Let me guess, you overheard me and Nat talking not long after we first met. We were in Nat’s room getting ready to go train?’ You ask and he nods.

‘Then the conversation you overheard with Steve was straight after we bumped into each other. We were in the common room?’ Bucky looks confused but nods again.

‘You are such a prick. You eavesdrop but don’t even listen long enough to hear who we were talking about.’ You can’t help but chuckle at the situation, even though it’s not particularly funny.

‘What?’ Bucky looks more confused than ever.

‘Well, if you had listened properly to the whole conversation you would know I was talking about that asshat agent, Arthur.’ That came out more blunt than you intended.

‘The recruit that got bumped down a few squads even though he is really good?’

‘Yep. That’s the one’

‘I don’t understand.’

‘Before you came Steve and Nat had been setting me up on blind dates with people. Arthur was the fifth one, I really didn’t want to go so Steve convinced me by saying they were friends and all this nice stuff about him.’ You pause to take a deep breath. ‘The day we met, I had just come from the date with him and it was awful. That's what me and Nat were talking about. Then when we bumped into each other in the hallway, I had just come from a meeting with the recruits. Arthur had been inappropriate and he hurt my arm, I was rushing to Steve to tell him and ask if he can be kicked off the team.’ You finally manage to say and Bucky just looks at you. You can see the cogs turning in his head as he is finally getting context to the snippets of conversation he overheard.

‘Shit. I am so sorry. I am such an idiot.’ He scolds himself and you can’t help but feel bad for him.

‘I am not going to disagree with you, but we have both said and done some pretty nasty stuff. I am sorry for any hurt I caused you.’  You say sincerely and he looks over to you and smiles.

‘So you didn’t think I was rude when we first met?’ He still holds your eye contact and you take a moment to look at him. You have never seen him look so vulnerable before, he almost looked scared.

‘No, Bucky, I thought you were probably nervous or tired from meeting loads of new people.’ You explain and his shoulders fall.

‘I feel like such a jerk.’ He sighs and you scoot yourself closer to him so he has to look at you.

‘I’m not all that innocent in this either. It was a misunderstanding. I am just glad we have cleared it up now.’ You say meaning it and he smiles earnestly back at you. It is something you have never experienced first-hand. You have seen him give those gorgeous, slightly lopsided, smiles to other people but seeing one directed at you causes a rush of heat to your cheeks and you find yourself blushing.

Bucky must have been thinking along the same lines ‘You’re cute when you blush. I have never seen this side of you before.’ He brushes some hair out of your face and behind your ear. ‘You know, part of the reason I was so nervous when I first met you was because I was taken off guard by how beautiful you are.’ His cheeks flush slightly at his confession.

Before you can say anything the elevator jerks again and starts moving, you and Bucky are quick on your feet, preparing yourself for the doors to open.

When they finally do you are met with a group of Hydra agents ready to attack. You and Bucky work in tandem, playing off each other’s strengths. When the Hydra agents realize this, they work to separate you. The majority of them are on Bucky but you are fighting four at once. You are onto the last one when he raises his gun to shoot but you force his arm down. Not quick enough, it fires and clips your calf causing you to cry out from the pain 

It is not as bad as actually being shot in the leg but it still hurts like hell and you can’t put pressure on it. The room is pretty silent apart from footsteps you recognise to be Bucky approaching. You move quickly and uppercut the guy in the nose. The crack echoes throughout the room as the guy falls to the floor at your feet.

You turn to Bucky, his mouth agape and eyebrows raised in shock. ‘That was hot.’ He announces finally, making you laugh, you go to take a step towards him but realise too late that your injured leg won’t hold your weight. You would have fallen to the floor if Bucky hadn’t rushed to catch you.

‘Thanks.’ You chuckle, your faces are extremely close. Your eyes completely entranced in his. Your whole body warms at the safe feeling of being in his arms. You start to wonder what it would be like to fall asleep in these arms, to wake up the next morning still wrapped up in them. Protected.

You force yourself back to reality by clearing your throat. ‘We should probably get back to the team.’ You say and he nods. He puts his arm around your waist and you put yours over his shoulders to use him as a crutch.

The ride back up in the elevator goes smoothly this time and before you know it you are hobbling up to the quinjet where the rest of the team awaits. Natasha and Steve are both looking back and forth from you to Bucky in confusion.

‘What the hell happened?’ Steve asks not trying to hide how baffled he is that you and Bucky are holding onto each other and not arguing. Natasha simply smirks. Bucky helps you into a seat then sits opposite you with a wink as you smile at him.

‘No, this is too weird. Please argue, bicker, roll your eyes. Anything.’ Sam begs Bucky who doesn’t break his eye contact with you. Bucky simply laughs knowing his behaviour is unsettling Sam and enjoying the newfound comradery with you.

[bumackerman]

warnings: sfw, light cursing.

levi ackerman q & a

levi having a crush; short questionnaire.

a/n: this is short, but i really wanted to post a levi headcanon since i haven’t done one of him yet! i’ll probably do another (longer) one if it’s requested. just felt like posting a little something tonight. i hope you enjoy!

also, this is a new thing i’m doing. i want to start doing q&a’s with different characters, where you can ask 1-3 questions about a them, and i’ll answer to the best of my ability! i hope i get to do more of these! ♡

q: would he know if he had a crush on you?

a: to be honest, no.

✦ before you, he had never shown any interest in anyone. he’d never even hugged anyone but his mother. what he did know, was that he cared more about your well-being than anybody else’s, but he made excuses for that.

✦ his excuse was that you were “weak” and needed to be “watched”, even though you were on an elite squad…

✦ during missions, he’d often ask erwin what your position would be, and if he could, he’d try to keep you in, or near his squad so that he could protect you if need be.

✦ every time a red or black flare went off from your position, he internally panicked, and kept his gaze in that direction until he knew it was safe.

✦ it got to the point where he ended up caring more about your safety than his own. he put his own life on the line a couple times, just to make sure you didn’t get anything more than a scratch on your body.

✦ he didn’t think anything of it until erwin pointed it out. he had taken notice of how frequently levi asked for your exact whereabouts, wanted to know who you were with, how far away you were gonna be from him, what you were doing, and how concerned he got when a titan was spotted near your squad.

✦ when erwin confronted him about his odd behavior, levi just scoffed and called him a “dumb ass”.

✦ when missions were completed and everyone got back, the first person he would search for was you.

✦if you were injured, he’d stay by your side, or if you weren’t being patched up by anyone else, he’d tend to your injuries for you.

q: what are some little things he does for you that are his way of saying he cares about you?

a: levi isn’t the romantic type. he’s not even too familiar with physical affection. he does give head pats sometimes, but other than that, nothing.

✦ but, whenever he was around you, he couldn’t seem to keep his eyes off you. in fact, it was more of a struggle to look away.

✦ every time you were in a meeting, he always secretly hoped that you’d stand by his side. and if you did, he’d make it so that your arms were touching, but just barely. he liked the feeling he got in his stomach whenever he was near you.

✦ you were never suspicious of his behavior, however, because he still seemed pretty distant. you weren’t even aware that he treated you differently from the rest of the scouts.

✦ if he was having tea, he’d make you some as well, which wasn’t common behavior of his. of course, you’d always thank him for it.

✦ eventually, he even asked you to make him some. he never let anyone make him tea. he liked it done a certain way. but, for some reason, he was drawn to the thought of you making his tea for him. (sometimes.)

✦ when you poured him a cup, you were super nervous that it wasn’t going to be to his liking, and to no one’s surprise, it wasn’t.

✦ BUT, don’t fret, he stopped what he was doing just to teach you how to do it his way. that way, you could make all of his tea. it wasn’t that he was lazy, he just really liked spending the (unnecessary) time with you.

✦ another thing he’d do if he liked you, is ask you to clean with him. he usually makes the scouts clean together while he cleans alone, but he’d probably ask you to assist him, and say it’s because you’re “shit” at doing it on your own.

don’t take it personally. he just really likes you. :3

1/6/21

[erimeows]

Crush

Bumblebee never imagined a world in which he’d be obsessed with Sentinel Prime, but there he was, staring longingly at the Elite Guard member’s back as him and his team watched fireworks together. Luckily for him, Jazz had convinced Sentinel to tag along.

The yellow Autobot sat there, half-engaged with the conversation Bulkhead was trying to have with him. He hated that he was missing out on the fireworks, but something about watching Sentinel seemed to captivate him more.

A cocksure smile on beautiful lips which released an even more beautiful midnight laugh into the air, earning a laugh back from Optimus Prime, who was sitting by the larger bot’s side on the rooftop they were all currently on.

Jazz and Prowl were walking around the rooftop, talking and pointing out the fireworks they liked, while Ratchet (who was completely sober) laid in a corner with Sari sitting next to him and stared at the sky silently. Bulkhead had been by Bumblebee’s side the whole night, which he appreciated, but still... He couldn’t help but be upset, just watching them.

His fixation with Sentinel had gotten bad since the Prime had come to earth, to the point that he had memorized the outline of those rough lips and burned the scent of the older bot into the back of his processor.

But no, it wasn’t because he had a crush on Sentinel Prime, his former sergeant, like everyone teased him for.

Instead, it was because of how in love he was with Optimus Prime, one of his closest friends and the leader of his repair-team-turned-squad-unit.

And it hurt. Primus, it hurt.

It hurt to watch Sentinel have what he wanted so easily, to use that magic touch of his as he tossed an arm over Optimus’s shoulders and chatted away with him like the old friend that he was despite all of the fucked up shit he had done to the younger Prime.

It hurt to watch Optimus turn to face the blue and gold bot and laugh, those plump lips curved into one of the only true and genuine smiles Bee had ever seen from him, the tension between the two rivals melted by the oil they’d all consumed and replaced with their blatantly obvious feelings for each other, those of which had always been there. It was almost like they were destined to be, two main characters in some sort of love story, while Bumblebee was a supporting character meant to push Optimus in that direction.

But, no. He was selfish, and he would never do such a thing, even if it meant seeing Optimus- because Primus be damned, he could make Optimus just as happy as Sentinel could if not happier, couldn’t he? He was selfish and greedy and wanted Optimus to himself, so he did what he could, and if that meant making everyone think he was in love with Sentinel Prime with the way he gawked at him, he was fine with that- because Optimus was too selfless to go after Sentinel if he thought Bee was interested, anyway. 

That wasn’t his intention when he started watching Sentinel, initially. He’d just been trying to absorb whatever the hell it was about the large bot that Optimus loved so much, and everyone had misconstrued it, but it had worked out for him.

Or so he thought. Look at him now, though, ignoring his best friend in favor of staring at Sentinel and Optimus, neither of whom were even batting an optic in his direction. 

And this was how his new year was starting, him wishing he had some semblance of whatever Sentinel Prime had that made Optimus fall so hard for him; confidence, strength, sharp optics, wit, bravery, or maybe it was something else like how Sentinel’s audials twitched when he was nervous, how his face plates burned red when he lied, or how good he was in the berth.

The thought brought him no peace, and it brought him no rest. He heard Sentinel sneaking into Optimus’s room at night quite frequently, and though he never knew what happened in there, the thought of Sentinel and Optimus intertwined underneath the younger Prime’s berthsheets, whispering sweet and filthy things alike in each other’s audials, kept him awake and anguished.

Bumblebee felt himself frown at that, lips pulled tight and mouth tasting bitter. It was uncharacteristic of him to be so negative, but when it came to his feelings for Optimus, he couldn’t help it. It was all wrong; how immature, how deceitful, how angry he was acting about the whole predicament, but he figured that’s what love did to a mech when it was at its worst.

“Bee? Buddy?”

When he snapped out of his trance, Bumblebee looked up to see that Bulkhead was dangling one large servo in front of his optics, clearly trying to catch his attention. The pang of guilt that always came at times like this manifested in the yellow bot’s spark rather quickly, sinking to the bottom of his stomach like tar in a way that made him feel sick. He knew he was neglecting his other relationships while being caught up with Optimus and Sentinel, and Bulkhead had always been there for him... Why couldn’t he just be one of those mechs who fell in love with their best friend?

No, that was a cruel thought. Bulkhead deserved someone who cherished and adored him, he was too good for Bumblebee, as was Optimus.

“Yeah?”

“You’ve been out of it all night, and you seem sad... You have too much oil?” Bulkhead’s servo was on his shoulder plating, and for a second, Bumblebee struggled to speak. His optics landed on the bright fireworks above them, pink and purple and white and vibrant. Bulkhead was focused on him, Ratchet was pointing out planets to Sari, Jazz and Prowl were as in love as they always were, and Sentinel Prime and Optimus Prime...

Well, he couldn’t handle it. Maybe it had something to do with the oil he’d nervously been drinking to settle his nerves, or maybe he was just at a boiling point, but before he could think about what he was doing, he was standing up on his stabilizing servos with shaky knees. He must’ve looked bad, because within seconds, everyone’s optics (or, in Sari’s case, eyes) were landing on him.

“I- I think so, um... I’m gonna leave,” Bumblebee stuttered, voice cracking. Optimus was the first to object, standing from his spot on the edge of the roof. No matter how hard Bumblebee tried, he couldn’t seem to ignore the servo of Sentinel’s that was resting on Optimus’s back. 

“Bee shouldn’t someone walk you back if you’re not feeling well?” Optimus approached him, but the smaller bot, unable to handle the emotional turmoil that was taking him over, found himself stumbling away before he could even process the consequences his actions might’ve had. “Where are you- hey, Bumblebee, wait up!”

“Let him go, Optimus,” Sentinel stopped him, because of course he did, and with that, Bumblebee was racing back down to the inside of their base from the stairwell on the rooftop and into his room.

When he reached it, he shut the door behind him and flopped down onto his bed with a frustrated shout.

He wanted to recharge, but his processor was too clouded with his conflicted thoughts to allow him to do so. The celebration on the floor above him slowly died down, the fireworks growing quiet and the sounds of berthroom doors opening and closing as everyone went to bed over the span of the next hour.

Optimus was probably already asleep, too.

Angry at himself, he started to rant, even if no one was around to hear him out.

“Ugh, why am I like this... I could’ve just put up with it like I always do, but no, I just had to go and make a scene in front of him, and now no one’s going to let me live it down, and they’re all going to assume I’m jealous of him for hugging on Sentinel when it’s not-”

His self-deprecating rambling was cut off by a knock at his door; knock, knock, knock. Three soft, polite, in rhythm taps that Bumblebee quickly recognized as his leader’s, followed by said leader’s deep voice ringing through the wall.

“Bumblebee? Are you awake? Sorry to disturb, but I wanted to see you. Could you come open the door?”

“Bossbot?” The Autobot perked up, and though he had fully intended to lay in bed sulking and ignoring everyone who came to check on him, the sound of Optimus’s voice had him rushing to open his berthroom door. “What are you doing here?”

“I came to check on you since you seemed to be so out of it when you left, but you seem to be doing alright, thank goodness,” The Prime gave him that smile, the one of relief that made Bumblebee’s spark leap because of just how beautiful it was. “I should probably leave instead of pressing the matter, but... I thought I saw you staring at Sentinel and I, and I just wanted to make sure that you didn’t misjudge what was happening.”

His spark fucking dropped. While whatever his obsession with Sentinel happened to be was obvious to bots like Prowl, Ratchet, and Bulkhead who teased him for it, he had hoped that Optimus would never bring it up. It was a conflict he wasn’t ready for, and if he could, he would play it off.

“What’s that supposed to mean?” Bumblebee tilted his helm, wondering if he had been that obvious while watching them on the rooftop earlier that night.

“May I come in?” 

Optimus being Optimus, he didn’t get right to it, which made the anxiety building up in Bee’s chest ten times worse. But alas, he could never say no to his boss, so he stepped aside to allow the Prime inside.

“O-Of course!”

With that, he shut the door behind them.

The two sat next to each other on Bumblebee’s berth, the lights still off, which meant that the only thing keeping the room lit was the beams that poured through the window from the moon and the fireworks. Optimus’s face was gorgeous in that moment, full of something that Bee could only perceive as longing and regret and love if he didn’t know any better, sharp features highlighted by the moonlight that shone over them.

“I’m not sure what you think my relationship with Sentinel is, but it’s nothing more than enemies at our worst and sparklinghood friends at our best. Our relationship is very long and very complicated, but we’ve always been more like brothers than anything, and as much as you deny it, I know you’re in love with him... I pay attention to how you look at us, when the two of us are together, and how you perceive him. I just want to reassure you that I would never steal him away from you, Bumblebee. I love you too much to do that to you- even if I can’t have you, and even if it’s with someone else, I want you to be happy.”

“W-What?” The younger of the two spat, optics going wide. Optimus being the type he was, he cringed at what he’d said and scooted to the edge of the berth, not even able to look at Bumblebee after the impromptu confession.

“Ah, I shouldn’t have phrased it like that, but-” The red and blue bot stood up and held his helm in one servo. He groaned while Bumblebee couldn’t even process what was going on. Had he imagined the whole relationship between Sentinel and Optimus that he thought was there? Was this actually happening? Did Optimus love him back, and was he going to get the happy ending he’d always wanted? “Well, I suppose the truth is out, then... The oil seems to have gotten to the both of us. I’ll leave-”

“No, are you insane!?” Bumblebee exclaimed with a laugh and moved closer to the Prime so he could grab his arm with both servos and drag him back down onto the bed. Begrudgingly, Optimus sat back down, and Bumblebee closed the gap between them.

“Huh?”

“It’s- It’s you, Prime! It’s always been you and it always will be, you know?” Bumblebee’s words were rushed, stumbling over each other and dripping with excitement. The tension in Optimus’s shoulders seemed to release as his face was dyed bright red with a heavy blush- perhaps from the embarrassment that came with the same realization Bumblebee was having. “I was never in love with Sentinel; he’s a selfish, inconsiderate glitch who’s always treated you like you’re scrap metal! You’re brave, you’re kind, you’re always there for me when I need it, and I just... I love you so much, and-”

“Oh, beautiful, c’mere,” Optimus broke and pulled Bumblebee into him, strong arms wrapping around the yellow bot’s frame and pulling him into his lap. Bumblebee melted into the touch and buried his face in Optimus’s chest plates. “I’m sorry it took us this long.”

“Me, too.”

There was a moment of silence, but it was broken by Optimus, who spoke with an uncharacteristically teasing tone and an equally teasing smirk gracing his plump lips.

“How long ‘ve you been crushing on me, then?” The words were a bit slurred in a way that made Bumblebee hyperaware of just how buzzed they still were from the oil.

“...Too long,” He spat and quickly stared down at the ground like it had become the most interesting thing in the universe. “I don’t want to admit how long level long.”

“Ah, I see... Looks like I owe Sentinel some money after all,” Optimus laughed, earning a playful slap on his arm from Bumblebee in return.

“Wh- You guys bet on which one of you I had a crush on!? I need to hear about this!”

“Okay, so it started when...”

And, as Optimus started to tell his story, an arm still lovingly wrapped around Bumblebee’s small frame, he sighed in relief. 

Surely, after this, no one would think he had a crush on Sentinel Prime.

[heybeybey]

Sunshine on a Cloudy Day

Pairing: Rivetra | Levi x Petra

Summary: Forced to retire from the Scouts due to a major injury, Levi thinks he'll be spending the rest of his days in domestic solitude. Petra, however, has another idea.

Loosely based on The Way of the Househusband.

Or: Captain Petra x Househusband Levi canonverse AU

AO3 Link

A/N: Okay I've had this outlined for WEEKS (no ending in mind tho) but I never got around to actually drafting it. But....... I had some time this morning and the inspiration after seeing this post so yay.

Thanks to @sleeperswakewriting for introducing me to The Way of the Househusband. It's cute and funny and DEFINITELY RIVETRA in another universe.

This is going be a drabble series btw but no assurance on when I'll be updating each chapter (My Royalty AU draft is glaring at this fic rn tbh). Some chapters will be based on the Netflix show but Levi's condition is a bit different from Tatsu's so it'll probably be loosely based at best.

And yes, the title is from the song My Girl. But I like this version since I think it fits Petra the most :3

Also also, we all know deep down that Levi wants to be a househusband so here you go.

- - -

Chapter 1: The Ceremonies

There was a time when his mind wandered to how his career in the Scouts would end. Levi always thought he'd die on the battlefield, just as he witnessed among his comrades. He'd accepted that reality, sometimes even waiting for it despite his will to continue fighting on.

For some reason, retiring has never crossed his mind.

"Honorably discharged due to major leg injury, incomplete spinal cord injury, and loss of right eyesight."

He can still hear the pity and sadness from Erwin's voice from that day in the hospital when they talked over where he will go from there. The doctors mentioned that his spine will heal over time, but his leg is broken way beyond repair. It's worse enough that amputation was considered at one point. He'd be good as titan food should he retain his current position in the scouts.

At first, he wanted to scream. He wasn't the type to show some outwardly emotion (except for when he's beating down new recruits or the three males in his squad) but being a part of the Survey Corps is what gave this shit of a life some meaning after he was pulled out of the underground.

Frankly, he didn't know what's next.

"Hey, Captain." Petra's sweet voice snapped Levi out of his thoughts and he forces himself to get out of his bad mood. This was her day and he'd be damned if he ruins it for her.

Levi takes her in and the corner of his lip quirks up. He feels pride fill his chest as his eyes strays a bit on the insignia freshly pinned on her uniform.

"I think I should be the one calling you that, Ral." He replies. "Congratulations."

Wheelchair-bound for what may be the rest of his life, Levi and his squad had to sit down and talk over what's next for the Scout's elites. The obvious choice was Eld, but Levi and the rest of the team were surprised when the blonde man turned down the promotion. He says that while he had the leadership skills and the years of experience that makes him more than qualified, he knew that he didn't have the same burning dedication to the cause as much as he'd witnessed in others.

Eld said that he'd be glad to support the next team captain instead. Oluo, while skilled, had often been too focused on his kill count. Gunther has a strategic mind but didn't really have the charm to bring people together.

So they all turned their attention to Petra.

To be honest, Levi had always wanted to promote Petra as his second-in-command. However, Scout regulations demanded a certain number of years that she didn't have yet at the time he first chose his elite squad. He'd never had a problem with Eld, but his and Petra's ability to synchronise on the battlefield is the reason why he'd always turned to her when he needed a second hand.

It makes sense in his eyes and to the rest of the team, even when Erwin and the other soldiers were doubtful of his choice. They've seen how ferocious Petra is during expeditions, but still had the heart to cry alongside her dying comrades. She's kind and helpful, but knows when a hard decision is needed to be made. She'd pitched in her ideas and opinions every time she accidentally passed by the officers' meeting sessions (she always brought them tea so she sometimes hear the conversations). This was often met with a surprised look from her higher-ups but having worked with Petra for quite some time, Levi would just smirk at his fellow veterans.

She's still rough around the edges and she definitely still has more room to improve, but the potential is there. He wouldn't have chosen her as part of his team in the first place if he didn't see that fire.

He wasn't surprised that Eld, Gunther and Oluo supported her, even when Petra was terrified to accept such a responsibility. Levi was firm in his decision.

In the end, Erwin stamped on his approval.

Levi was the one who pinned the insignia on her signifying her new position during today's pinning-on ceremony.

- - -

"Hey, Captain!"

"I think you should stop calling me that, Petra."

"Sorry. Habit." The ginger blushes slightly as she steps closer inside the apartment, basket in hand. "I bought something for you."

She brings out a few fruits from the basket, laying it down on the dining table in his humble apartment. "The farmer's market was on sale today and I had the chance to pass by before they closed."

"You didn't have to buy me all these, Petra."

"I had to use my pay raise for something, Captain," she jests. He wheels himself towards her to assist her with unloading the basket and they both work in silent contentment.

"So, how's your first day?" Levi asks after washing the fruits. Petra's face lights up at his question and the whole room seems to come alive as she chatters on.

"Holy Maria, Captain. I didn't know the team can be this stupid. No wonder you had dark eyebags after training us for years!"

- - -

It's been three months since he resigned from the Scouts. The new captain never fails to come home to the apartment he's renting near the Scout HQ everyday.

Come home? Tch. How delusional can you get.

He'd welcome her back every expedition and every training day. A part of him feels a bit of guilt gnaw on him when he sees how tired Petra is whenever she comes home, thinking of the time when he was her direct commanding officer.

"Captain, can I sleep here tonight?"

Now, he sees the sorrow and fatigue in her eyes. "You're always welcome here, Petra."

He offers to give up his bed for the night but she declines, saying that she'll be fine on the couch. She's unnaturally quiet, but he knows that this is how she typically is after expeditions.

They're both on the couch right now and she snuggles closer to him. Levi motions for her to lay her head on his lap, their boundaries thinning with every single visit.

He's quiet when he sees the tears start to fall from her eyes. Soon, Petra's sobbing and she wraps her arms desperately around him. His hand starts to slowly run through her ginger locks, hoping it gives her some comfort.

"She was the last in my and Oluo's batch." She starts, voice shaking and he gives her space to talk and mourn her comrade. "I wanted to save her... but it was either her or compromise the mission. I had to give the order."

"I'm sorry." Because if someone understands her better, it's him.

- - -

"Levi?"

It's the scout's day off today and they're all allowed to leave the vicinity to visit friends and family, or simply just to fuck around if they wanted.

Petra, not surprisingly, decides to spend another weekend with him.

"Hmm?" He's currently preparing their lunch, wheeling himself around the kitchen area.

"Did you ever think about settling down when you were still in the scouts?"

He cocks an eyebrow at her question. "And leave a widow crying on my grave? I didn't even have the time to date, Petra."

And he didn't even want to date someone else. Not when he kept having wet dreams about his own subordinate at that time.

"Well, you have a chance now, right?" Petra starts to help with laying down the dishes on the table. He looks at her, eyes taking in her body language. She's doing that thing with her hands again where she tries to occupy it with things to do whenever she's nervous. She's too tense for this to be some absent chatter.

"Just spit it out, Petra."

"What I'm trying to say is that I'm always here. In this apartment. Whether I'm back from training or meetings or expeditions," she starts. Levi wheels himself forward to grab their food from the small kitchen but he attentively listens to each of her words. Seeing that he won't be replying, Petra decides to continue.

"I like coming home to you, Levi. And I'm still devoted to you." Petra nervously says, the redness on her cheeks intensifying. Levi feels his heart thump at her last sentence. He stops what he's doing and looks straight into her amber eyes, the same moment as she reaches out to delicately hold both of his hands. "I'd like to continue doing so... if you'll have me in another way."

Bold as ever is the first thing that fondly came to his mind. He feels emotion start to climb up his throat but he never wavers in staring back at her. The next thing that came to mind wasn't exactly a thought, and the answer leaves his mouth with a certainty he didn't know he had.

"Okay," he quietly replies. Not much of a talker, as usual. Still, his sure answer was quite a surprise to the both of them.

Was it loneliness? That fear that he'd most likely die alone because of his automatic ability to push people away? Maybe it's some deep hidden desire to live a domestic life with someone—something that he allowed himself to fleetingly dream of while he was still in that underground hellhole—that he has since accepted wouldn't be in his future.

Until now.

He and Petra decided to have a shotgun wedding that same afternoon.

[ah-ga-seven]

Till’ The End of Summer - Chapter 1

>> series masterlist <<

Pairing: Choi Yeonjun x Reader

In a Nutshell: College!AU, Rich Kids, Friends to Lovers, Fuckboy athlete Yeonjun, Overprotective Best friend Soobin, contains all of TXT and other Idol cameos, Omnipresent perspective.

Synopsis: You and Yeonjun are caught up in a cat and mouse game because of unspoken feelings and endless pining for each others’ attention. With the summer break approaching and lots of college parties, will you finally get a chance to explore your feelings for each other even though the world and Yeonjun’s reputation makes things complicated? 

Word count: 3.2K

Genre: Angst, Fluff, 

Warnings: Mentions of sex, alcohol, overall pretty tame. 

A/N: English isn’t my first language, pls don’t come for me ;) Also the first chapter sucks and is more of an introduction so pls give ch 2 a chance lmaoo, it’s juicy, i promise.

You were exhausted.  

Your second year of college had passed like a whirlwind and you didn’t even have the time to realise.

Deadline after deadline after deadline had passed and you finally handed in your last paper of the year.  

You sigh in relief. The pent up tension leaves ur body and the stress seems to fade more and more as the seconds pass. You stare blankly at your laptop screen. Still not quite realising how you managed to write ten thousand words of scientific research just 3 days before the deadline.

You feel two firm hands on your shoulders, massaging you as a way to show comfort “Hey, are you okay? You look like you’re about to cry.”  

The voice and sudden skinship startled you a little but as soon as you realise who it is, you relax in his touch.

You remove your Airpods and look up at your best friend, Soobin, who sat down next to you at your favourite secluded table in the school’s cafeteria. It’s where your friends could always find you if you had work to do.  

“I just might” you sigh throwing your head back. And suddenly a huge grin crept up your face. Which worked contagiously as Soobin instantly started to smile back at you. 

“I did it. I finished all of the work.” You say putting your hand on your forehead dramatically.  

Soobin chuckled nudging your shoulder. “I told you, you’d be fine. You always manage to pull through even though you procrastinate so much.” He says as he high-fives you.

You pout at his statement. Yes. It’s a serious problem. “I just-”

You stop your sentence midway as that god walks into the cafeteria. His confident stride to the soda machine dressed in simple athletic wear made your jaw drop slightly. He was sweaty, probably from basketball practice. His chestnut hair damp, cascading his forehead and prickling his eyes. He blinked a few times before blowing the hair out of his face with his pouty lips.  

You swallow harshly at the sight and Soobin follows your gaze. You hear him chuckle, right before he flicks your forehead.

“Maybe if you stopped drooling over my roommate, you would’ve been able to focus.”  

You send him a glare, kicking his knee under the table, making him yelp out in pain, which caught someone’s attention.

Yeonjun takes out his soda from the machine as his head snaps in your direction. He smiles and approaches your table. Your heart decided to do martial arts in your chest with every step he took towards your table.

You look away from his gaze quickly pretending to be busy with your laptop.

“Hey, what’s up?” Yeonjun said ‘bro-fiving’ Soobin.  

“Nothing much, just the usual abuse from miss thing here,” Soobin says sending you a look as he rubs his knee. 

“Abuse? I didn’t know you were into that.” Yeonjun says giving you a coy smile, and you nearly choked at his words, looking at him wide-eyed.

You try your best to keep your cool, but Yeonjun was leaning against your chair, inching dangerously close, looking over your shoulder.

“Watchu working on?” he asks cutting the tension.

Oh Yeonjun, always so friendly and interested. If only he knew the effect he had on you. Or the effect he had on at least half of the female and male population of your elite college.  

“N-nothing. I mean I just finished it. It’s the paper for Mr. Davis’s class. The last one, so summer can finally start.” You ramble, not sure why you’re telling him all of these details. It’s not like he cares. 

You take a mental note to shut up, stealing a quick glance from Soobin who was awkwardly shifting in his seat.

Yeonjun let out a chuckle, patting your back. “Good job, I knew you could do it. This paper will give you an advantage next year right?”  

You look up in confusion. “How’d you know?”

“Soobinnie here told me that this paper was the reason you bailed on the party two days ago. Such a shame, would’ve been nice to have you there you know…” Yeonjun says a little lost in thought absentmindedly moving a strand of your hair behind your ear.  

Was he? Flirting?  

“I have all the time in the world now, so if you want to see me so badly, just give me a call.” You say confidently crossing your arms. You were testing him, and he seemed amused by your sudden confidence.  

Soobin rolled his eyes at the two of you. Yeonjun is a notorious fuckboy. A star player of the basketball team, rich, handsome, charming but also his best friend and teammate. You were also his best friend that he had known since childhood, which means that the two of you were a recipe for disaster in his books.  

The two of you planned to go to the same college since your parents pushed you to do so, but also because you two are joined at the hip since birth. Oh and did you mention that Soobin was the one with the full basketball scholarship, while you had to rely on your actual brain to get one?

Ever since you started college and were introduced to Choi Yeonjun, you had a meaningless crush on him. But since time passed and you got close to Soobin’s friends and vice versa, your feelings towards him seemed to escalate and you could tell that Yeonjun was into you too. You just didn’t know in what way.

Soobin always tried his best to keep you two apart because he didn’t want you to get hurt. Soobin knew Yeonjun was just going to be in it for the sex and is not ready for a relationship in any way or form.  

But Soobin also knows that if you have set your mind to something, there’s absolutely no way that he can talk you out of it. You have always had a fascination for bad boys, wanting to fix them and then crying to Soobin about it when it didn’t work out. It might be the quality he hates about you the most.

But this time it was different. This time it was between two people that Soobin genuinely cared for. So he was against the two of you having any type of relationship other than friendship.

Soobin cleared his throat, diverting the attention back to him. “That sounds nice and all, but I think y/n will be going back home for summer. Right?”

You’re confused by Soobin’s sudden cock blocking and raise your eyebrow at him.

“No, actually. I’m not. Not this year. My parents are traveling through Europe so there’s nothing for me to go home to.” You say. Soobin knows about this. So why would he mention you going back home?

“Well. That’s great. Then we can finally hang out with the whole squad without any of us bailing because of school work.” Yeonjun says smiling.

“Anyways, I’ve got to go. I guess I’ll…see you around?” Yeonjun asks staring at you intently. You just nod in response giving him a smile, which he returned to you immediately. It was more of a smirk than a smile though and you could swear his eyes wandered to your chest, but you didn’t want to jump to any conclusions.

“See you back home bro” Yeonjun said patting the younger one on his shoulder before walking off.

As Yeonjun was out of sight, your head snaps back to Soobin, who was glaring at you.

“What was that about,” you say crossing your arms, fire spitting from your pupils.

“That’s so NOT happening” Soobin states taking a sip out of his water bottle while keeping eye contact.

“Excuse you?” you say lost for words.

Soobin just shrugs, he’s visibly annoyed and you know not to push his buttons right now but you decide to do so anyway.

“Listen, I know you’re practically my brother and all. But you’re not. So I don’t see why you need to act like you are, I like him Soobin. Let me explore my feelings for him a little.” You say in a hushed tone trying not to sound too bitchy, but Soobin just scoffs in response, rolling his eyes at you.

“It’s your feelings that I’m worried about y/n, cause he certainly doesn’t care. He just wants to fuck. If he actually liked you, he wouldn’t look at you like you’re a meal. He’d look at you with affection.”  

You’re taken aback by his statement and you’re not so sure if you should bite back at him. Instead, you let him explain some more as you wave your hand at him as a sign for him to continue.

“I care about both of you. I just don’t want this y/n, because when worse comes to worst I will have to choose, and then I will choose you and everything will go to shit. I am his captain, we have the same group of friends, we share multiple classes, hell, we share a whole apartment” Soobin sighs massaging his temples.

“Ok…Ok…Jesus” you give in.

“I promise; I won’t engage” you pout.  

“Good,” Soobin says. “Please for once just…listen to me. Trust me, he’s not the type of guy to want a relationship right now.”

“Ok.” You sigh. “But this means you and your girlfriend will be stuck with me all summer then.”

Soobin looks up, confused at how easy it was to talk you out of it. He smiles at you sweetly and his eyes disappear into crescent moons as he does so. “I can’t wait to get mani-pedi’s.” He laughs sarcastically clapping his massive hands together cutely while visibly relaxing in his seat.

Suddenly your heart gets all soft at the sight of the giant baby in front of you.  In a way he is right. He’s telling you all the things that you already knew. And the last thing you wanted was to hurt Soobin for some dumb crush you had on a college boy.  

“Soobin is just the captain cause he’s the tallest” Yeonjun argues.

You giggle at his childish statement. You were at the park off-campus with some of your friends. Soobin had his arm draped around his girlfriend Mia’s shoulder while she leaned into him. They were disgustingly adorable. And every time they displayed a little too much PDA all of your friends would throw snacks at them.

Beomgyu, Taehyun, and Hueningkai had also joined you on the picnic. You were sitting with your legs draped over Beomgyu’s so there would be enough space for everyone on the blanket you brought.  

All of you munched on different types of snacks. And you tried your hardest to keep your distance from Yeonjun without making it obvious.

“Soobin hyung is the captain because he’s not as full of himself as you are” Taehyun said, making everyone but Yeonjun laugh.

He gave Taehyun the glare of death and pouted afterward to show playfulness. “I get no respect in this household” Yeonjun sighs as he throws an M&M at Tae’s head, which he dodged just in time.

Your heart did a jump at the sight of his pout and as if he could sense it, Yeonjun made eye contact with you.

He smirked, looking away when you did.  

Mia looked at you, narrowing her eyes as she saw the way you two were stealing glances from each other like high school kids.  

Mia was one of your closest friends whom you had introduced to Soobin in the first year. They started dating not long after they met. And from time to time you still remind them of the fact that if it weren’t for you, they’d be sad and lonely.

Mia knew you like the back of her hand, just like Soobin did. So keeping a secret from either of them was basically impossible. The two of them tend to gang up on you a lot. Even though you know It’s out of love and concern, it’s still really fucking annoying sometimes. Especially when it comes to your love life.

“I’m gonna go to the bathroom,” you say getting up. Beomgyu reluctantly removed his arm from your leg and uses it as a supporting rod for you to get up.  

You smile and thank him, which made Yeonjun narrow his eyes at the two of you, which Mia also noticed.  

Soobin however was lost in deep conversation with Hueningkai about some Math problems he had.  

Huening was a freshman, just like Tae, but since they were on the basketball team as well, they were all pretty close. And they helped each other out whenever they could.

You admired their friendship and were happy to call them your friends as well.

“I’ll come with you,” Mia says untangling her man's arms from her waist as she tries to get up, earning a sad pout from Soobin in return. “Come back soon,” he said sighing.

“Don’t be disgusting” Yeonjun and you say at the exact same time. Earning chuckles from everyone.

You look at each other surprised and laugh like the two of you were in your own world.

This time, Soobin noticed, and you try your best to avoid his gaze.

“You two are just bitter cause you’re single” Taehyun stated throwing his head back in evil laughter.

“Well so are you, so are all of you except for them so what’s your point exactly” Yeonjun bites back giving Taehyun a beaming smile while stuffing his face with a handful of the chocolates.

“Ehm, shall we?” Mia nudged you and you nodded as the boys’ bickering became background noise while you walked off together.

“Why do chicks always go to the bathroom together” Hueningkai questioned with genuine curiosity.  

“So they can talk shit in private,” Beomgyu said wiggling his eyebrows.

As Mia and you walked further and further from your spot, Mia looks over her shoulder to determine if it’s a safe enough distance to start gossiping.

“Dude” she nudges you while speaking in a hushed tone.

“Why were you and Yeonjun literally eye-fucking each other in front of everyone.”  

Your eyes grow wide and you turn around facing her. “Eye-fucking” you repeat her, suppressing a chuckle while trying to be as nonchalant as possible.  

“I think you’re seeing things.” You say shrugging.

“Am I y/n?” she looks at you with a stern expression, and this time you’ve had about enough.

You sigh in frustration as you open the door to the public bathroom entrance.

“Look, Soobin already gave me the ‘Yeonjun is a fuckboy so stay away’ lecture, I really don’t need to hear it again.”  

“Soobin lectured you about not engaging with Yeonjun?” Mia says surprised.

You raise your eyebrows. “You didn’t know? I thought he told you everything.”  

Mia sighs. “If you like him, who’s Soobin to tell you what to do with those feelings?”  

Your jaw drops, in awe of the fact that she’s siding with you on this one. “But if he hurts you, I’ll break his ankles.” She says determined, with her psycho protective smile.  Ah, there it is.  

“Well. Soobin really gave me an ultimatum. He basically says that if things end badly, he would have to choose between us and that it’d ruin not only his friendship but the team’s teamwork and everything. I don’t want to have that on my conscience just because I’m lusting over Yeonjun.”

Mia nearly busted a lung laughing and you cocked your eyebrow at her in surprise. “What are you laughing about” you try to suppress a smile, amused by her sudden outburst.

“He. Is. So. Dramatic” she says still recovering from her laughing fit.

“He is?” you ask genuinely interested in her point of view.

“Yes, he is. Look I don’t want to be the one to push you into toxicity or anything but we know Yeonjun. He is sweet? And nice. And he has never given me an off vibe. I can tell he has eyes for you, the only problem is that a lot of girls have eyes for him too and that can become a problem. The issue is if YOU can handle that.” Mia fixes your hair while she speaks and you sigh.

She’s right. “But Soobin”

“Oh fuck Soobin, I’ll keep my mouth shut. Just live a little. What’s the worst that could happen.”  

“Did you pee out the whole lake? That took forever.” Soobin states yanking Mia back into his lap.

“I missed you,” he says nuzzling his face in her neck.

“Ok, gross.” Beomgyu rolled his eyes.  

“There was a line” you lie walking over to Yeonjun’s side, sitting down between him and Hueningkai this time. This action earned a look from Soobin, who was basically cursing at you with his eyes, all while Mia smiled at you knowingly. It also earned a look from Yeonjun, he looked at you surprised but content, and he gave you a sweet smile, his facial expression softened immediately when you nudged him playfully as you sat down next to him.

The whole afternoon was spent laughing and bickering. Listening to the boys’ none sense and Taehyun making snacks disappear and appear with his never-ending magic tricks. All while the six of you were busting your brains trying to solve Hueningkai’s mathematical equations for his engineering class.  

Yeonjun inched closer to you from time to time. The both of you were in charge of the music that was blasting from your portable speaker. You compared your Spotify playlists and noticed how much you have in common with him music-wise. It was fun seeing Yeonjun becoming all passionate about his favourite artists, it certainly didn’t help the fact that you were trying to keep a distance from him. Cause his cute little mannerisms and the way he gets so engrossed in his storytelling made you fall for him even more. Face first to be exact.  

From time to time you would feel Yeonjun’s gaze linger on you. He’d ‘accidentally’ brush his arm against yours or he would touch your thigh, asking you to pass him another can of soda.

It was a lot, but you couldn’t say you hated it.

“It’s getting late” Taehyun says getting up. “We need to prepare for the party tonight”  

his statement earned hums, moans, and groans from everyone.  

“Whose party?” you asked.

“Johnny. That senior from the photography major” Yeonjun answered, looking at you with a hopeful expression. “You’re coming right?”  

You smiled at him, nodding your head. “Wouldn’t miss it.”

“Dude this is a disaster,” you say rummaging through your clothes while you were on Facetime with Mia. “I don’t have anything to wear”  

Mia rolled her eyes at you. “You trying to impress someone?” she said stuffing her face with seaweed chips.

You stare at her through the screen “Listen, you little shit. Just because you’re in a happy marriage doesn’t mean you get to be all sarcastic and judgy”  

She snorted “Marriage!? Oh please. You’re just trying to impress Yeonjun and that’s fine. Just wear something that covers the least amount of skin, he’ll like it.”  

“You’re a menace to society” you state, Mia shrugs at your choice of words and laughs. “But you’re right.” You give in grabbing a strappy lilac mini dress. “Then I guess this is contestant number one”

“Ooh, yes! Love that, wear that.” Mia enthusiastically exclaims giving you a thumbs up.

“Okay, that was a lot easier than I thought this was going to be, I’m gonna finish getting ready. You and Soobin are picking me up, right?” 

“Yes, we are. Be ready at 11.”  

“Alright, see you, bye”

“Bye.”

You throw your phone on your bed and hold the dress in front of your figure, looking at yourself in the mirror. You sigh, getting a rush of anxiety and butterflies in your stomach as you think of seeing Yeonjun again tonight. 

Let’s see where this goes. 

Chapter 2

[pleasantanathema]

Graves into Gardens | Reiner Braun x Reader | Chapter Eight

Chapter 8: The Things We Leave Behind

Pairing: Reiner Braun x Fem!Reader [now with a dash of Erwin x Reader]

Rating: Explicit (18+ Only)

Warnings: Modern AU, spoilers up to season four, slight manga spoilers (only by including characters met later), captivity, mentions of death, violence enemies to lovers, angst

Word Count: 4.7k

Previous Chapter | Masterlist | Next Chapter 

Erwin,

           I don’t have much time, but it’s me—I’m alive. I’m safe. I don’t know why, but I am. They want something from me here, tried to pry into me for information about The Scouts, but not much else. I’ve given over as little as I can, but enough to keep me alive for now. But it’s strange here, even some of the warriors know something is going on below the surface of what we know. You can probably tell by the email that I’m using that I’ve found a strange semblance of refuge with Reiner. He’s the one who has given me the multitude of files I’ve attached this email. He claims most of this intel he gathered he never gave over to Marleyan officials. He also says he can be of help to Paradis, that Pieck and the others can too. I don’t know how much of that is true. To be fair, I don’t know what’s true at all anymore.

           There are files here on Zeke Yeager, apparently put together by warrior members who have become wary of him. Dig into them, figure out what you can. Don’t worry about me, I’ll find a way home. And, for the love of god, please sleep. I know how you get.

           Don’t respond to this email. No one knows I have sent it.

           Always.

           Erwin read the words for what felt like the thousandth time, the black lettering practically bleeding into the screen by this point. His heart had dropped when he sat down in his office this morning to find something sitting in his personal email folder, something branded with the last name of a traitor. His mind had raced into the darkest depths, assuming it was pictures of torture, a letter filled with malacious laughter, an autopsy report. But it was you, you were alive, you’d found a way to reach him.

           He had to keep his hand over his mouth as he grinned. You were so capable, so resourceful and rather ingenious. He’d had his doubts, but on the forefront of his mind, and his tongue, he’d said and knew you were alive.

           He’d stayed in his office with the door locked for hours in the morning as he poured over the information, brows twisting in both delight and disgust as he began to make sense of the documents crafted by the wary warriors. They were impressive, to say the least, and quite frightening.

           Every single urge inside of him was screaming to respond, even as he printed out the rather massive amount of documents you’d attached. He made copy after copy, blue eyes dancing like they were overcome with madness as familiar and unknown faces and information landed into the tray of the printer.

           He carefully separated the files by paperclips, prepping for them to be dispersed.

           You were so good. So brilliant. He’d have you home soon enough.

           The cumbersome stack of papers was too much for him to carry just under one arm. The one he’d lost was burning, itching like it should be able to wrap around the bundle.

           Erwin marched out of his office and into the bustling workspace, clearing his throat to the room.

           “Scouts! Emergency meeting in the conference hall immediately. Drop everything and meet me there.”

           Every head in the room snapped toward him, all chatter silencing. They all stared at him like he had three heads; the last time they’d had every scout in the same room was when he’d pronounced you missing nearly two weeks ago. He knew they were worried that this next announcement was of a death, of war.

           “Now!”

           The bustle picked up again immediately, every soldier, assistant, and intelligence officer scurrying to make it down the hall.

           “Springer,” Erwin caught the young man by the shoulder as he tried to brisk by him, “there’s a stack of papers in my office. Grab it and bring it with you.”

           Erwin continued in his stride toward the small auditorium, taking his known place down in front at the white boards. He could hear indiscriminate whispers behind his back as he took his time setting up a display. There was a small cork board off to the side of the room, littered with headshots of the Marleyan warriors. He cursed the face of the girl who took his arm as he pulled it to the front.

           “Miche,” he called over his shoulder, knowing the towering blonde would be nearby, “Come help me.”

           “Sure thing boss.”

           It didn’t take much time to direct, and before long he had all the warriors lined up on the large board in front of the room. He took his own time to place the picture of your face in the center, fingers brushing over the heavy red letters of Missing that were etched over your features.

           Levi saddled up next to him, never one to fall into the crowds.

           “Erwin, what is all this?”

           “I got an email from her this morning.”

           Levi didn’t have to ask. If there was ever a “her” in Erwin’s vocabulary, he meant you. You were all over his mind, more so than ever before.

           “Care to share? Or was it a love letter?”

           It was an unspoken truth that he’d become involved with you within the last year, and given his rather...emotional response to your disappearance, he was sure everyone was now well aware of your entanglement.

           “A love letter full of promising information.”

           “Tch, sounds about right. Did she give you all that?” Levi tilted his head toward Connie, who was struggling to keep the giant bundle of printed documents from sliding off the podium.

           “She did. It’s time to get to work.”

           Erwin didn’t even wait for the room to settle. There was no time to waste. He turned toward the confused, anxious crowd, took note of how they were all staring at him like lost children. There weren’t that many left after the attack on Shinganshina all those years ago, his scouts had either been killed off or left the ranks entirely. Recruitment had become more of an issue than it ever had been before as well. There was only a gathering of about thirty before him—the size of a small classroom, all piled into the front seats and awaiting instruction.

           “I received word from our missing captain this morning.”

           A shocked gasp filled the space, one of the younger girls—last name Blouse or Braus, he never could remember—literally jumping from her seat.

           “She’s alive?!”

           He held up his hand to calm her, to direct her to sit back down.

           “As far as I know, yes. She found a way to email me this morning to let me know of her safety, and also supply us with a vast amount of Marleyan intel. Now, we need to unpack what we know.”

           Erwin motioned to Springer again, wrist flicking toward the still unsteady mountain of papers.

           “Hand those out, they should be sectioned by paper clips so everyone can have a copy.”

           “But, Sir, I—” I just spent all that time wrestling with those papers, is what he knew he wanted to say. Springer did what he was told anyways, scratching at his short hair as he hurriedly began to divvy out the printed intel.

           “We’ll start with what we do know.” Erwin took a few long strides back toward the large board, feeling his empty shirt sleeve rustle by his side as he used his remaining arm to point toward the faces that had been lined up for him.

          “Of course, we’re all aware that former Scout members Braun, Leonhart, and Hoover were infiltrators sent by Marley to uncover our anti-Marleyan operations. They are members of the Warrior Unit run by this man,” he placed his index finger over the person of interest, “Zeke Yeager. And there are other members of the unit as well, Galliard, Finger, and Grice. There are also candidates for this elite military squad, Udo, Zofia, and the younger Grice and Braun. It is important to note that one of their former members, Marcel Galliard, was killed by none other than our missing captain in question.”

          “Yeah, yeah, we know all this!” Kirstein chimed in, “We don’t need the history lesson.”

          Erwin couldn’t help but grin.

          “It seems a history lesson is exactly what you need. In those files that were sent to me, you’ll learn that all these warrior members and candidates are, historically, from Eldian bloodlines.”

          “Eldians? You mean...like us?” Historia tilted her head, thumbing through the pages in her lap.

          “Yes. Now if you did pay attention in history class,” he narrowed his eyes at Jean, “you would remember that about four hundred years ago, there was a mass immigration of Eldians into Marley in the face of a mass famine here. However, due to Marley’s very strict borders and even stricter control on their governmental processes, it was never truly known to us what became of the Eldians that marched across their border. We knew they had been separated into internment camps, but it also seems that they have been weaponized and trained into being nearly the entirety of their military ranks. And this unit, The Warriors, are the premiere and elite squadron of the Marleyan military. And their motives toward Paradis have been largely unknown. Until now.”

          Erwin took a pause, letting all this information sink in before starting again.

          “Now, we know that Zeke Yeager has been working with our elite right below our noses with the hopes of changing the status quo for Eldians in Marley.”

          “Isn’t that a good thing?”

          Eren sat forward, elbows on his knees as he stared at all the faces on the board. It was no secret that Zeke Yeager was his long lost step-brother, sired by his father before he escaped the Marleyan border to find a better future in Paradis. As far as Erwin knew, the young man had no connections to his step-sibling, only saw him as an enemy force to be reckoned with.

          “Yes, and no. Because, according to the files you’ll find penned by one Pieck Finger, it seems his plan is quite unseemly.”

          “I don’t understand all this data and graph shit,” Miche admitted, eyebrows scrunched together as he licked his thumb to continue perusing the pages.

          Captain Hange stood then, making her way to the front without Erwin having to beckon her to.

          “These are...these are blood samples, DNA testing,” she mused, pencils stuck in her ponytail as she paced the floor before Erwin, “genome analysis, to be specific. Like they were looking for something specific in all these samples.”

          “And they were. Did you get my request this morning?”

          “Oh yes, of course, sir!” Hange scrambled back up to her seat, pulling out a manila envelope and then returning to hand it to him.

          Erwin motioned for Miche to tape these new documents on the board as well, one next to your photo, the other now next to a photo of Historia Reiss. Then Erwin picked up some pictures that would be unfamiliar to his scouts, placing them above your head.

          “These are the parents of our missing scout,” he called over his shoulder as he took an unfortunately slow time to place the photos, the lack of two hands starting to become quite bothersome. “They were Military Police members, killed in action about ten years ago. However, the information within the files on Yeager reveal that before Braun and the others infiltrated our ranks, there were other imposters sent on a reconnaissance mission within the MPs. It is cited that those infiltrators killed two people they were targeting, and I believe it to be them.”

          He could tell he was losing their focus, quite a few eyes glazed over as they tried to make sense of all the new pieces being added to the growing wall of puzzles. He felt like a madman stringing up red threads, but he was almost certain of his conclusions.

          “Why...why do they matter?” It was Armin who spoke this time, normally the quiet one during meetings who soaked up information like a little yellow sponge.

          “Historia,” Erwin called, “does the name Fritz mean anything to you?”

          The small girl sat to attention, blue eyes shining.

          “Of course, they’re another noble family, like mine. Err, or the were, before…”

          “Before they were killed about one hundred years ago. However, I’m inclined to believe that our missing scout’s mother was the last remaining of the Fritz line, having donned a new name for safety and falling into government positions to hopefully remain unnoticed.”

          He took in a deep breath, once again letting a pregnant pause settle into the heaviness of the room.

          “Which is why…” he waved his hand over the graphs next to your face and the photo of Historia on the board, “thismatters. It’s been a long standing belief that elites, that royalty and those that have been elected president in our country, are somehow different. Almost appointed by the gods themselves because of their special blood. You know, it’s the whole issue that many take up on the fact that they see our governmental system as more of a monarchy than a democracy. But the truth of the matter is, you nobles do have different blood and genes than the rest of us. These graphs show that here.”

          “Well that’s very elitist of you.” Levi cut in, standing with his arms crossed near the door.

          “Perhaps. But I had Hange do a genome map between Historia and…” he sucked on his tongue, still finding a bit of pain to say your name out loud, “...and her. My suspicions are correct. Based on the startlingly similar genetic patterns, our missing captain is of noble heritage, and I’m inclined to believe that Zeke Yeager knows this.”

          “And that’s important because it makes her more valuable,” Armin had his face in his hands, “does she...does she know this?”

          “As far as I know, no. No she does not.”

          “And you of all people would know.”

          Erwin wanted to snap back at the snide comment that came from Eren. If he wasn’t such a good soldier, Erwin would have him on fucking patrol duty after this.

          “Commander,” Armin looked sweaty, pale, “It says here that Yeager’s plan is to reinstate Eldian supremacy through uh… a means of genetic mutation. Do you know what that means?”

          “No, Arlert, I don’t. And I don’t know exactly what his plans are for our scout that’s being held hostage. Which is why you’re all here. From this point forward, every ounce of your time will be spent reviewing these documents and dissecting what it could all mean. As far as I can tell, Pieck Finger hasn’t quite connected all the dots yet either. So now it’s our job to do so.”

          All the heads in the room were nodding, everyone undoubtedly becoming antsy from all this news.

          Erwin knew there was more to say. He had debated printing out your email as well, but he wanted to keep the knowledge that Braun and some of the warriors were possibly willing to help stop whatever was happening to himself. He knew that if he even breathed the words that traitors were offering aid, too many would be against it, too many wouldn’t believe it. That would have to be something he pondered on his own.

          “Where do we begin, sir?”

          Mikasa sat up straight and on the edge of her seat, like she was ready to spring into action.

          “First, I think we need to dig deeper into just who was planning to meet with the Warrior Unit the day the captain was captured. We still don’t know who they were, or what was happening that warriors actually had to be present for it. Also…” he looked pointedly toward Levi, “we need to do more investigating on the day she was shot. We still don’t know who shot her, or why. It could have been an assassin looking to annihilate that Fritz bloodline.”

          Levi nodded, “On it.”

          “Everyone else, get to work. Get out the red tape and string if you need to, and all meeting rooms are now open to place questions and findings onto the boards. Nothing is useless; all knowledge about this situation is powerful and paramount. This could be the beginning of a nightmare, but perhaps we can stop it before it happens.”

          He watched everyone leave, all with hurried steps and papers shuffling within their hands. Hange stuck around behind him, rather bewitched by the DNA findings taped to the white board.

          A little voice cleared their throat next to him, making him look down. Historia stood before him, eyes downcast and her toes pointed together like she was nervous.

          “Commander… I…do you have a moment?”

          “Of course, what’s on your mind?”

          He watched her glance toward Hange, then toward the door, and back to him.

          “Would you like to grab a cup of coffee and speak alone?”

          “Yes,” she quickly breathed, happy that he picked up on the fact that whatever she had to say, it must need to stay quiet.

━━━─── • ───━━━

          It seemed that Historia’s nerves were still getting the better of her as she sat in front of his desk. Erwin had always been told he was rather imposing, so he hoped she wasn’t apprehensive to just be speaking with him alone. Her hands were clenched around a mug of coffee, knee bouncing in her seat.

          He’d poured himself a cup as well in the break room, having already drank it before even reaching his office. Your worries had been correct: he wasn’t sleeping much, and after what you’d sent him today, he didn’t know how you ever expected him to sleep again without knowing the truth of what was happening.

          “Commander…” she took the deepest breath, eyes closing for a moment, “do you...you don’t believe in myths, do you?”

          It was an odd question, one that had him pressing his lips together as he looked for an answer.

          “I suppose not. Though, it would also depend on the myth; some of them hold truth to them, as they were stories attempting to cope with the unknown.”

          “You’re going to think I’m crazy,” she scoffed, looking everywhere in the room but at him.

          “Why? Are you here to give me a mythology lesson?”

          “Have you heard the one about Ymir? And the nine titans?”

          “That old tale?” He chuckled, remembering pictures in books he’d read as a child of towering beasts, “The one about how there used to be giant people, titans that roamed the lands before humanity came along?”

          Historia twisted her lips, looking down at the floor.

          “Yeah. That one. Did you ever know her full name?”

          “Her? As in Ymir? No, she was just the goddess Ymir in all the books, gods don’t normally have last names.”

          “Well, she did. Because she was human. Her last name was Fritz.”

          Fritz. Like your possible ancestors. Historia had earned his attention now. He sat up behind his desk, fist unknowingly clenched in his lap.

          “Commander, I don’t know if this is true, but when I was a little girl, my older sister, Freida, she used to tell me all these stories about titans and how we, nobility, are descendants of gods and of...of titans.”

          Erwin was trying to read her face, but the young woman just seemed full of fear, trepidation.

          “Historia, I’ve heard all the propaganda about the noble families being descendants from gods. And if I offended you with my remarks in the meeting then I apolo—”

          “No, no,” she cut him off, “no, that’s not what I meant. I know that my family...that the other nobles and elites have twisted all these myths to give themselves power, but what I’m saying is that it’s true. At least, I think it is. We have all these books back home in my estate that explain this true history about how people used to live in a world of titans thousands of years ago, that there were mindless titans, but also titans controlled by humans… humans that were titans. And I’m just saying, if this was true…”

          He was starting to put the pieces together now. The genetic mutation. The bloodlines. No wonder her thoughts had led her to this conclusion.

          “You’re worried Zeke Yeager believes in these old stories, that his plan is to bring back titans?” He posed it as a question, wanting her to finish her thoughts instead of him imposing on her.

          “Yes, that’s what I’m saying. I don’t know how, but if there was some way to do it, our missing captain, if she’s actually of royal blood, like me, he might want to…” she set down her cup of coffee, finally looking up at him with eyes that shone with wisdom he’d never acknowledged before, “Zeke might want to experiment on her. Or maybe reveal her heritage and try to bargain her back to the elites. I don’t know, I just didn’t want to say this in front of everyone because they might think I’m…”

          “Crazy?”

          “Yeah,” she huffed, “thanks.”

          “Thank you, Historia. You’ve given me something to think about.”

          “But you think I’m crazy.”

          He dared not to insult her outloud, but it was the side he was erring on.

          “I appreciate you being willing to tell me this. It seems I have some mythology to study up on. Actually, if you ever get the chance to get your hands on one of those books you spoke about, I would like to see it.”

          She stood then, leaving her coffee abandoned on his desk.

          “Of course, Commander.”

          He could tell her spirits were defeated as she left his office. But, nonetheless, he took the coffee she left behind as his own, settling back in to continue reading into the files you’d sent to him.

          But his mind couldn’t even register the words anymore. He was so tired, and now, knowing that you were indeed alive, he was filled with nothing but thoughts on how to get you home. It would be a suicide mission to try to send a squad into Marley to rescue you. He also knew that asking the elites, even the President, to act on his behalf would probably be met with a negative outcome since they were in connection to Zeke Yeager himself. It all seemed hopeless, but he knew you were working to get back as well. Between the two of you attempting to reach the same goal, he knew, eventually, he’d have you back again.

━━━─── • ───━━━

          His home was quite lonely without you.

          He felt the emptiness of not having you at the Scout Headquarters, but more so he felt it when he finally drug his tired body to the apartment he lived in across the city.

          It felt like a small cataclysm erupted whenever he opened his front door, all the emotions he kept at bay suddenly budding to the surface of his composure. Your shoes were still by the door, so small next to the ones he took off.

          Signs of you, of your absence, were everywhere. Your coat on the back of a chair. Your favorite books still spread open and marked to forgotten pages in the cozy chair in the living room. Wine only you liked still remained chilled in the fridge, your body wash and shampoo still lined the edges of his shower. He hadn’t even washed his sheets since you left, hadn’t dared to touch the side of the bed you slept on, like the mattress was still full of your ghost when he reached out for you at night.

          Even though you had your own apartment, he couldn’t remember a night he’d spent without you in the last few months. You’d become inseparable, seeking refuge in each other’s bodies against the cruelty this world had dealt you. You accepted him for who he was, even when he felt like half a man.

          There were still words he wanted to say to you; there were still echoes of your voice all around the apartment, your laughter ringing in the support beams, the sounds of your moans still staining his headboard.

           There were so many things you left behind, him included.

           Erwin poured himself a drink before settling into the couch, not even bothering to undress from his work clothes. He needed medicine for his mind, needed to try to drink and find clarity in the too many thoughts thumping in his head.

           You were noble. Of all fucking things.

           He took a very long sip at that realization, almost reveling in the burn the whiskey left behind in his mouth. He could still taste you on his tongue sometimes, still feel the pressure of your lips against his if he closed his eyes. All those times he thought he was kissing something divine, perhaps he was, if Historia Reiss had any merit to her little bedtime stories.

           The thought made him laugh. Titans. Mythological creatures. If there was one thing he knew, his enemies weren’t trying to bring things that never existed back to life. Historia was right about one thing though: you could be a powerful bargaining chip for Zeke. If the elites were holding out on something, all he had to do was dangle a pretty, royal plaything in front of their noses as bait.

           He pulled your email back up on his phone, eyes scanning over all the words you sent.

You’d found a strange semblance of refuge with Reiner. Of all people. Erwin could still remember how much the two of you would fight when you were both soldiers, how you were adamant to take on the hulking man yourself when it came to battle.

           But he also remembered how startlingly well the two of you worked together. It had been the two of you who had stopped Marcel Galliard, it had been Reiner who was the first to appear at the hospital steps when news of your potentially fatal injury had been called over the radio. The man had been panting, Bertholdt too, both of them having run as fast possible from their patrol circuit to check in on your status.

           Erwin always assumed it was because Reiner was sweet on you. Boys had always been taught to tease the girls they liked when they were younger, perhaps he’d just carried that on into adulthood, practically throwing stones at you to get your attention.

           Not that he could blame him. Erwin had always wanted your attention, but had kept himself restrained for professional reasons. But after Shinganshina, after Zeke showed the true force of the Warrior Unit as a warning, Erwin had quickly pulled you from the front lines. He claimed it was because your cleverness would be better served in intelligence work. Truth of the matter was that he wanted you safe. He wanted you working with him, in his sight, every day.

           And now you had completely slipped through his fingers.

           He’d cursed out loud when the scouts returned and revealed that you’d been captured. He even unfairly chewed out Jean for being reckless enough to get his vertical movement gear tangled with yours, but he knew the fault rested in his hands. You’d offered to go, and he’d let you.

           He let you go, and now he was reeling in the ash and smoke of the damage left behind.

           With a finished drink, he let his mind wander to that place he tried to keep it from. He was wondering where you were, wondering exactly what you were doing. Until tonight, he imagined you were left under lock and key, but now he knew you’d gotten yourself into some situation in order to access Reiner’s email. Perhaps he truly was helping you.

           Some of your words ran through his brain again: I don’t know what’s true at all anymore.

           Erwin honestly didn’t know what was true anymore either. In a matter of hours, he’d pieced together information the intelligence unit had been trying to uncover for years. He was steps closer to figuring out whatever truth there was Zeke Yeager’s madness. He was steps closer to keeping the whole country safe from a disaster its own elites had their fingers in.

           But he still felt so far away, so far away from you, from himself. He felt like he’d never actually fit the puzzle together, felt like he’d let you down.

          All he still knew was that he loved you, even if he never actually spoke the words to you. He loved you, and he had some kind of dying hope that you felt the same.

Next Chapter

[sunnypogue]

hockey!jj: the origin story (feat. hockey!rafe)

rafe isn’t the only obx boy that plays hockey.

a couple weeks ago, @oopmyheartwent-obx​ & i created hockey!jj - loosely based on rat king/elite shit-talker, travis konecny. 

this is his origin story.

(major, MAJOR shout out to my lady @oopmyheartwent-obx​ for compiling all of our insane notes, creating a google doc & carrying the team on her back for this lil headcanon - we’ll be posting additional hockey!jj/coho!rafe stuff to both blogs, so keep an eye out for a masterlist in the near future!)

warnings: cursing, fighting.

It started when JJ was nine

John B had come sprinting home to the chateau, an hour after he normally got home from school, two hockey sticks tucked under his arm

“Look what I found! Lost and found!”

The boys immediately took to the street, swinging them around like maniacs, trying to hit an old tennis ball as far as they could

JJ had a particularly hard shot - he nailed a car, denting the door

Needless to say, he was hooked.

JJ became a bit notorious for terrorizing the streets of the outer banks, playing street hockey from sunup to sun down, recruiting anyone and everyone to play

Most of the kids on the cut didn’t get hockey, considering it a kook sport & opting to spend their summers surfing instead

Why play a game on ice when they lived on the beach?

So JJ found himself (begrudgingly) playing with kooks, taking solace in the fact that he was significantly better than most of them 

Blatantly ignoring the fact that most of them were more focused on lacrosse anyway

And that’s how Ward Cameron found him

Rafe also played hockey, had been playing for several years in a travel league, and he was pretty good despite constantly carrying the weight of his dad’s expectations

Rafe and JJ rarely crossed paths - Rafe was vocally “above street hockey,” opting to travel to the mainland for his reserved ice time (along with his regular team practices)

JJ was better though - it was like hockey came naturally to him, and Ward saw the opportunity to capitalize on his skill

JJ was wary at first - because what the fuck did Ward Cameron want to do with a 10 year old pogue like himself?

But then Ward promised him an opportunity to play actual ice hockey - and how could JJ say no?

An escape from his shitty home life and the opportunity to finally play with some talent sounded like heaven to young JJ

Ward took JJ under his wing 

Signed him up for the local team, bought him skates, new gear, and made sure he was able to be at every practice

Made sure he had the tutors and the resources necessary to clean up his grades for future college possibilities

JJ was immediately recognized as “raw talent” - he lasted on the peewee squad for exactly one week, before being moved up to the travel bantam team, making him the lone 10 year old on a U14 team 

Which also meant he was teammates with Rafe

Carpool buddies!

Rafe simultaneously loved and hated it. It took some of the pressure off of him as his dad’s attention shifted 

But he also craved his dad’s attention and approval - which he was no longer getting with JJ in the picture

Conversation at the Cameron dinner table often consisted of “JJ’s latest achievement on the ice,” with Ward rattling off stats like a rinkside reporter.

“He’s leading the team in points, despite missing two games - I think the next kid is like, 13 points behind him.”

Rafe would roll his eyes, stabbing at whatever vegetable was left on his plate, “I’m the next kid, dad.”

He wanted to make the point that he was a defender and JJ was a forward, but he knew his dad wouldn’t care. 

He was right.

Ward would wave a dismissive hand, continuing his praise for JJ

“Kid’s so chippy, makes up for his huge size disadvantage”

This one especially hurt Rafe, who was one of the biggest guys on the team

“I’ve never seen anything like his playmaking ability, no one else on the team even comes close to his vision”

Ward essentially became JJ’s foster-hockey dad, convinced this scrawny kid from the cut would Make It Big

JJ never had to pay a dime - travel & league fees completely covered, the latest gear waiting for him in the Cameron’s foyer before practice (after JJ would bike 8 miles from the cut before sunrise to make it on time for carpool)

When recruits started knocking? Ward was advocating for JJ (a sophomore), meeting with coaches from UND, Wisconsin, BU, BC - the big ones.

Ward helped him put together highlight footage - “It’s like a portfolio, son, so they can see what you can really do.”

Fielding calls from NTDP (which JJ was wary about, because...leaving the outer banks? In the middle of high school? - terrifying.)

Meanwhile, Rafe (a senior) was attempting to lock down his SINGULAR offer from Huntsville, and trying (but failing) to swallow any jealousy/animosity he had towards JJ and his dad.

Of course, JJ and Rafe’s teammates were Very Aware of the weird dynamic the OBX boys had - they would occasionally chirp JJ for his “sugar daddy,” chirp Rafe about playing with his “stepbrother”

Rafe & JJ would go along with it, internalizing any frustration, offering up some half assed comebacks in response

They both wanted out of the outer banks, if keeping their heads down and getting along was the way to do it - so be it.

But you know - boys.

One practice - late June, days before Rafe was supposed to head down to Huntsville to report for summer conditioning - one of their teammates made a particularly nasty comment

Spouting something about Rafe leaving, meaning Ward was finally able to put all of his time into his actual prodigal son: JJ.

Rafe saw red - he was on top of the guy in a matter of seconds, shoving him to the ice as he tried to rip his helmet off

All the years of frustration, of feeling second best in his own dad’s eyes, surged forward, and Rafe couldn’t stop it

JJ was the first to the scrap, trying to pull Rafe off of their teammate before any real physical damage could be done, yelling at him to “calm the fuck down!”

Rafe knew getting the reputation of the hothead who’d fight his teammates looked bad to the coaches, but he didn’t want to hear it - especially from JJ, who’d essentially ruined his life

Rafe shook him off - “Don’t fucking touch me, you wouldn’t even be here if it wasn’t for me, still playing street hockey with your dirty pogue friends on the cut.”

JJ flew back, face bright red from Rafe’s sharp comment - he fired back before he could think - “Whatever, you fucking loser. Have fun slumming it in Huntsville.”

Rafe glanced up, gritting his teeth as he chucked his glove in JJ’s direction, before skating towards him and shoving him over with his stick. He towered over JJ, sweaty hair dangling onto his forehead as he hissed - “Keep trying to pretend to be someone you’re not - we all know you don’t belong here.” 

Rafe threw his other glove at him, nailing JJ in the chest, before standing up straight, slicking his hair back with one hand -

“Fucking leech.”

[fanmoose12]

What about Levi + Hange’s squad gossiping about their leaders, while LeviHan themselves are oblivious to each other’s feelings? Maybe like the two squads setting up scenes to get them together

“Nifa, no, that’s not how you fold napkins!” Oluo huffed with an arrogant look. “Ask Gunter, he knows how Captain Levi does that. And, Moblit, what the fuck is this?” he gestured at the bottle in Moblit’s hands. “It’s rose wine, and Captain likes red.” 

“But Squad Leader...” 

“Oluo!” Petra shouted, stomping her foot with a fierce glare. “What the hell are you doing here? You’re supposed to be on a lookout duty!” 

Oluo puffed his chest out, looking immensely pleased with himself. “I fulfilled my duty already,” he announced solemnly. “Captain is already on his way. I saw him in the hallway.”

“What?” members of the two most elite squads in survey corps screamed in unison. 

“You were supposed to bring him here after we prepared everything!” Erd glowered. 

“Are you an idiot?” Gunter added. 

“I can’t believe I trusted you with this,” Petra shook her head.

“Go and do something about it!” Nifa pushed him, until Oluo’s back hit the door.

“Yeah, distract him,” Moblit ordered. “Just for another five minutes, until we finish everything here.” 

“Fine, fine,” Oluo lifted his arms in surrender. “I’ll think of something, just don’t take too long. Otherwise, Captain will get suspicious.” 

Oluo huffed once again and then walked out of the room. As soon as he closed the door and turned around, he was met with Captain Levi’s famous icy stare. Oluo gulped, feeling his knees weaken. 

“C-captain!” he squealed. “Are you looking for Squad Leader Hange?”

“Since I’m standing right in front of her goddamn room, then yes, Oluo. I’m looking for Hange.” 

“She’s-” Oluo wildly looked around, searching for an answer. Damn it, he should have let Petra handle it. Despite her shy demeanor, she was an expert liar. “Squad Leader Hange is busy. She- she just had a bath and hasn’t dressed yet. You should for a bit, Captain.” 

Oluo nodded steadily, as though confirming his own words. It was a pretty good lie, he was honestly proud of himself. 

The moment of joy didn’t last for long, though. Captain Levi arched an eyebrow, and Oluo almost squirmed under his dark gaze. 

“Do tell me, Oluo,” and, oh no, Oluo didn’t like the tone of his voice at all. It was too menacing even for his Captain. “How do you know that Hange is undressed in there? And what were you doing in her room?” 

“I-” Oluo tugged at his collar, a shiver running down his spine. Looking at Captain right now felt almost as scary as looking in the eyes of s titan. He swallowed, trying to avoid meeting Captain’s gaze. “Commander Erwin asked me to bring her some papers and-” 

“Really?” Captain leaned closer, and Oluo felt like a trapped fly. And the spider that caught him was very, very frightening. “Then where are those papers, Oluo? I don’t see you holding anything.” 

Oluo slapped his forehead harshly, feigning frustration. “Oh no, I forgot them! They’re in my room, come with me Captain, I’ll give them to you. You’ll pass them to Squad Leader Hange, right?” 

For a long moment, Levi said nothing, just continued to silently study him. 

“You’re up to something, are you not?”

“No!”

“Is that a sweat dripping down your face?” Levi asked casually. 

“Commander Erwin said these papers are really important!” Oluo exclaimed, ignoring Captain’s last comment. “We need to hurry and get them!” 

“We?” 

“Let’s go!” in a fit of sudden courage, Oluo grabbed Levi’s arm and started drugging him away from the door. Captain Levi was one scary fella, there was no doubt, but angry Petra was much, much scarrier. And if he failed at keeping Captain away from that room, she’d be furious, Oluo knew it. 

Thankfully, Captain didn’t question him any further, just followed Oluo. 

“What do you need from Squad Leader Hange, sir?” Oluo asked, trying to ease his nerves. 

“She asked me to come,” Levi shrugged. “Well, she didn’t ask, but Abel said she wanted to see me.” 

“Ah.”

So that was Abel, who almost ruined their plan? Oluo couldn’t wait to tell Petra about this. She’ll tear him a new one for sure. 

He and Captain was almost at the end of the hallway, when Oluo heard the unmistakable voice of Squad Leader Hange. And then, a couple of seconds later, the sound of the door to her room opening. 

Finally. 

“Look, Captain, it’s Squad Leader Hange! You wanted to see her, so I’ll get out of your hair now, goodbye!” 

“Hey, what about those papers?” Levi called after him, but Oluo was already gone. 

“Tch,” he sighed and turned to Hange. “Hey, four-eyes, weren’t you supposed to be in the bathroom?”

“Don’t start this again, Levi,” Hange rolled her eyes. “Keiji said you were waiting for me, and I hope you came here not because you wish to give me another lecture on hygiene. I’ve showered this morning already,” she puffed her cheeks, pouting. “Nifa made me do it.” 

“I wasn’t waiting for you,” Levi said, utterly confused. “Abel said you were waiting for me.” 

“Huh?” she frowned, but the troubled expression disappeared momentarily, replaced by a happy grin. “Well, if you’re here, let’s hang out. It’s been a while since we did it.” 

***

“Oh...” Hange breathed out, as she walked inside her own room. It looked drastically different from how she’d left it in the morning. 

For once, it was clean, all of her papers put into neat piles and her bed made up. It’s not the tidyness that attracted most of the attention, though. No, it was a small table that stood in the center. On it, there were two sets of plates with a delicious meal waiting for them and two glasses, already filled with wine. A candle was lit and placed between the plates, illuminating the room in soft colors. 

“I swear, it’s not my doing,” Hange whispered. 

“I wasn’t suspecting you, dumbass,” Levi snorted. “I have a suspect, though.” 

“Oh?” she tilted her head to look at him, her eyes shining with curiousity. 

“My squad and yours,” Levi sighed. “Now Oluo’s behavior makes sense.” 

“That was so sweet of them!” Hange cooed with a wide smile. “Come, Levi, sit down. We shouldn’t let their work go to waste. Ah, what a thoughtful gesture!” 

“It is nice,” Levi agreed, walking further into the room. Before Hange could reach the table, he beat her to it, pulling a chair out for her. 

“Didn’t know you’re a gentleman,” she murmured before taking a seat.

“Why do you think they’ve done it?” Hange asked, as she started stuffing her face with food. 

“Who knows?” Levi answered. “We can ask them, though. Right, guys?” he raised his voice and smirked, when he heard a few gasps and surprised giggles. There was no sound of retreating footsteps, however. Levi shook his head. “I guess it was their attempt to show their gratitude.” 

And make me do something about my crush on you, he thought, obviously not so keen to share this particular conjecture with Hange. 

He wasn’t ready to confess his feelings just yet, but it was good to know he had others backing him up. It gave him extra courage. 

“Eat before it gets cold,” Hange nudged, bringing him back to present. “It’s really good.” 

She smiled and Levi smiled back, grateful to his subordinates for allowing him this moment of peace. 

***

“So?” Nifa asked. “What is going on there?” 

“Nothing,” Eld shook his head, stepping away from the door. “They just talk about work.” 

“Shit,” Gunter rubbed at his face. 

“Another failure,” Oluo shook his head. 

“It’s our third attempt to bring them together,” Petra agreed sadly.

“We can try another time,” Moblit offered with a smile. “Scouts never give up, after all.” 

“Yeah!” Nifa came to stand next to him, wearing the same excited smile. “I’m sure if we keep trying, we’ll succeed!” 

“I already have a plan,” Keiji announced.

“We can discuss it at the bar!” Abel threw his arms around Oluo and Eld’s shoulders, pushing them forward. 

“Yes,” Petra nodded. “Let’s go. We have much work to do!”  

[glassessence]

PGR - OC

I got so inspired by everyone’s creativity that I created my own OC ^^” Even though she’s a member of the Purifying Force, I hope she’ll still be received warmly. Special thanks to @punishing-gray-raven-ocs​ for their detailed posts about character creation that really made me think about Lydias! 

Warning: I may have gone a bit overboard with the detail. It’s a long read! Also, I threw in a not-so-subtle reference to the most traumatic Memory Rescue mission lmao. So proceed with caution, I guess HAHA

Name                          Lydias: Umbral

Type                            Offensive Support-type Construct

Service time              1 year

Psychological age    24

Activation date         15 March

Height                         167 cm

Weight                        59 kg

Vital fluid type          O

Faction                        Purifying Force

Rank                            A

Weapon                      Chakrams (preferred) /  Gun

Damage type             70% Dark, 30% Physical

Lydias is a support-type Construct modelled after Watanabe’s Astral frame. She has extreme stealth capabilities and excels at tracking, making her ideal for the execution of rogue and infected Constructs.

Her missions mostly involve infiltration and spying, although she’s also been deployed on assassination missions. Those orders come straight from Nikola and their records are kept top-secret, inaccessible even to Bianca.

Her frame is designed for long-range sniping and comes equipped with visual accuracy enhancements and superb calculative powers. However, Lydias prefers to engage her targets in close combat. Killing Constructs from afar feels cruel and cold, like they really are meaningless machines instead of former comrades.

She truly believes in the good of the Purifying Force, but hates the things she has to do. She doesn’t feel like she belongs, but also can’t see a future for herself anywhere else.

Her fighting style is very graceful, featuring a lot of spins and flips that are reminiscent of a dance. Her signature move is called “Blade Dance.”

B A C K G R O U N D 

Lydias was born to a wealthy family in Babylonia. Her mother joined the war effort as a Commandant shortly after she was born and is known as the leader of the elite task force, Cybele. Since then, Lydias has always wanted to follow in her mother’s famous footsteps.

Originally a Commandant of the Black Wolves, a certain incident caused her to give up the position and apply for reconstruction. Despite having low compatibility for Tantalum-193, her application was approved after negotiations with Nikola. Following her surgery, she was transferred to the Purifying Force.

P E R S O N A L I T Y

Shows affection through actions rather than words. Bakes cakes for the humans of Babylonia in her free time

Philosophical, often ponders on the nature of humans and of the war

Likes to make dirty jokes and tease others

Obedient to a fault because she doesn’t trust her own judgement

Comes across as cold, but is just awkward with introductions

Doesn't think very highly of herself. Ignores it when other Constructs call her "traitorous hunting dog" but secretly thinks they're right

Loves the sea and the fathomless depths yet to be explored. Likes to go swimming at every opportunity

Prefers to work alone, but overprotective of her comrades when in a team. Frequently throws herself in harm’s way to shield her teammates. Knows it’s not good, but is too haunted by her past

Trusts easily, but is very guarded with her heart

Knows how to dance a lot of old-school styles like ballroom and ballet, but is too shy to ask anyone to practice with her

S E C R E T S

Has memorised a lot of poetry from before the Punishing Virus outbreak

Gets intensely lonely and jealous when seeing close squad camaraderie like Gray Raven’s

Avoids Kamui because he reminds her of someone she’s lost

Has spied on Watanabe extensively under Babylonian orders and is deeply fascinated by him

Doesn’t trust Nikola, but is unable to disobey his commands

Secretly harbours doubts about Babylonia’s mission to reclaim Earth

Has obtained special permission to download the data of the Black Wolves and often reads the records to keep them alive in her heart

V O I C E   L I N E S

“Team leader? No, I refuse. You’re making a grave mistake.”

“I’m not suited for protecting people.”

“My opinion on the Forsaken? They’re hardworking, loyal, and--Nevermind. We seem to share a similar goal.”

“The Black Wolves? Where did you hear of that name?! Don’t mention it again!”

“I baked a cake today. Would you like some?”

“Yes, I can dance. But I’d prefer it if you didn’t tell the others…”

“I can teach you to dance. Privately, if you’d like. Haha, just kidding.”

“Becoming a Construct was a decision I made rashly. I don’t necessarily regret it, but…”

“Are we really doing the right thing? This endless war… All these years… What have we really achieved?”

INTERLUDE

D U S K F A L L

A voice cracked over the intercom. “...dant…Com...ant...Commandant, do you hear me?!”

Lydias blinked. The urgency in his voice caught her off guard. Ferdinand kept his cool even in the most dire of situations. Something was very wrong. “Tell me, Ferdie.” Static. “Ferds? Come through!” Nothing. Communications had been poor ever since they’d entered this area, but they’d managed until now. For it to suddenly fail like that… it couldn’t be a coincidence.

“Shit,” she said, turning to the other two Constructs with her. “On guard, guys. Something’s coming and comms are down.”

Ilya grimaced. “Sure it’s not one of Ferdinand’s pranks again?”

“I wouldn’t put it past him,” Flora offered, even as she tightened her grip on her lance. “Pesky little bastard would find it hilarious.” Lydias said nothing. She was too tense. There was a taste in the air, a metallic tang that churned in her belly. Sweat dripped into her eye. Suddenly, a hand slapped her on the back. “Relax, Commandant,” Ilya chuckled. “We’ll protect you like always. No need to be so scared all the time.”

Something in her loosened, just a bit. “Shouldn’t I be the one protecting you?” she retorted, trying to project confidence. “You guys with your fragile little M.I.N.Ds?” Flora laughed, a deep-belly rumble that Lydias loved. The knot in her stomach unravelled some more. “You do that, Commandant,” Flora said. “We’ll just twirl our pointy sticks at the bad guys.”

Lydias was just about to say something snarky when she caught movement in the corner of her eye. She swirled, gun at the ready. There was still no word from Ferdinand. “I’m sensing a large Corrupted force in our perimeter,” Ilya reported. His voice had lost its casual lilt. “They’ve got us surrounded.”

Lydias cursed. “How’s that Memory retrieval coming along?”

“Slowly,” Ilya replied unhappily. Flora clicked her tongue. The Corrupted were visible now. They weren’t like anything Lydias had seen before. They carried advanced weapons - chainsaws and spears and bows - and seemed to be organised into phalanxes. Dread coiled in her belly. “We’ve been ambushed,” she breathed in horror. “Ferdinand tried to warn us. They must have blocked off comms.”

“Well, shit,” Flora grunted. The Corrupted army was within gunshot range now. “When the fuck did they get so smart?”

“Someone must be leading them,” Ilya said. “How did the information leak?”

“Doesn’t matter,” Lydias said. “We need to retreat. Now.” A bullet flew by her head, burning the shell of her ear as it passed. Her heart hammered. “Back off,” Flora growled. She twirled her spear, eyes flashing as she impaled the Corrupted soldier. Beside her, Ilya stepped forward, fast as a flash, and stabbed one through the neck. Lydias fired off three shots, watching in grim satisfaction as two buried themselves in the heads of two infected Constructs.

The scene descended into chaos just as Ferdinand’s broken voice sounded in her ear. “...n...way! Comm...ant!”

-----------

Flora stumbled back. She was breathing heavily. Vital fluid leaked steadily from several places, staining her coat a rich purple. Ilya was behind her, grimacing. His left arm was gone, torn away at the shoulder. Sparks flew from the exposed wires within. Beside them, Lydias swayed unsteadily. She clutched at her stomach. Red blood seeped through her fingers. All their attempts to break through had failed. Things were looking more hopeless by the minute. 

“Commandant,” Ilya said, voice strained. “Turn off my pain receptors.” Flora nodded. “Same here.” Lydias coughed wetly. Her vision was growing dim. “It’s dangerous,” she admitted, wishing she could shut off her own terrible pain. “But there’s no other choice.” She authorised the command. Her team’s face relaxed immediately. She met their determined gazes and nodded. “We’re all gonna go home. Together.”

Ilya smiled. Flora grinned. But there was a sadness in their faces Lydias didn’t want to acknowledge. Her connection with Ferdinand was still blocked. He could be dead for all she knew. She turned away from the thought. Just survive, Lydias. And take the Wolves home.

Together, the Black Wolves rose. Ilya with his dagger and Flora with her spear. Unseen by Lydias, they nodded to each other. An agreement, a pact. A promise. Renewed, they threw themselves at the Corrupted like cornered animals. Slowly, inch by painful inch, an exit was being forced open. Corrupted weapons dug into their bodies, but they pushed on. 

Lydias fought beside them, swinging her chakrams haphazardly. Her gun had run out of ammo long ago. She stumbled, half-blind, and almost skewered herself on the end of a Corrupted sword. She could hardly think straight; blood loss was making her weak. Suddenly, a voice crackled in her mind. “Commandant!” Ferdinand’s voice tumbled through her hazy thoughts. “The signal jammer is gone. What’s your status?!”

Her heart soared, bringing with it a brief burst of clarity. “Ferdie! It’s an ambush. We need support!”

“I’ve already informed Babylonia,” he said urgently. “Reinforcement is on the way. I’m coming to you, Commandant. Just hold on!” His signal blinked to life, moving rapidly towards their location. Lydias smiled grimly. Ferdinand was on his way. Support was coming. Surely, they would be okay. They would make it out of this. She just had to hold on for a little longer. 

Flora’s signal pulsed unsteadily and Ilya’s grew fainter with every breath. Lydias clung with desperation to the unstable M.I.N.Ds of her Wolves. I will protect you.

-----------

“Coming through!” A ray of energy tore through the Corrupted wave. Lydias spied Ferdinand’s face through the sea of blades. She almost wept with relief. “Retreat,” she said hoarsely, struggling to stay conscious. “Black Wolves, retreat!”

On cue, Ilya and Flora rushed through the tunnel, half-carrying Lydias with them. Between one ferocious breath and the next, they’d broken through the Corrupted circle. She tumbled bonelessly into Ferdinand’s open arms. He took a brief moment to survey her and paled. “The meeting point isn’t far,” he said. “Support will be there.” He picked up Lydias and turned to run, but Ilya and Flora didn’t follow. 

“Sorry, but this is the end of the road for me,” Flora said wryly. “Didn’t think it’d end like this.” She spat out a wad of purple fluid. “At least these fuckers will go down with me.”

“And you get the privilege of dying by my side,” Ilya said primly, readjusting his grip on his dagger. Flora laughed, an edge of sadness in her voice. “Yeah, old man, I guess I do.”

Lydias stirred in Ferdinand’s arms. “No,” she said, forcing herself to meet their gazes. “I won’t allow it.” 

“Unfortunately, Commandant,” Ilya said. “This time it’s not up to you.” He raised his remaining hand in a salute. “It’s been a pleasure working with you.”

“Go on,” Flora growled. “We’ll make sure nobody pursues you.”

Ferdinand pursed his lips, but nodded tightly. Lydias fought in his grip. She hardly even felt the pain. “No!” she screamed, or tried to. It was hard to tell where her voice was. “Don’t! I forbid it! That’s an order!” He started running. She watched helplessly as the distance grew. “Stop! Go back, we have to help them! Stop!”

In the fading light, Ilya fell and was immediately consumed by a horde of Corrupted hands. His signal weakened then blinked out. A scream tore itself from her throat. She thrashed in Ferdinand’s grip and felt his hold on her loosen. White-hot pain shot through her body as she tumbled to the ground. Mad with grief, she crawled forward desperately, mind blank except for the desire to be with her Wolves. 

Strong arms lifted her up. Ferdinand’s lively voice was dull. “Please don’t do this, Lydias.” 

“Let go, Ferdie,” she said angrily. “We have to--” Flora’s signal flickered out. Lydias felt her spirit break. “No,” she cried. “Please, no.” Tears streamed down her cheeks. Words abandoned her. The world seemed to shrink, compacting to a single thought: she had failed. 

-----------

She woke to white light. Something beeped steadily beside her. Tubes ran from her body to several machines like the tentacles of some deep sea creature. Her entire body hurt. Immediately, she reached for the Black Wolves, but their signals were absent, leaving her mind uncomfortably empty. Panic settled like ice in her veins. It couldn’t be. It was impossible. 

Surely, they had recalled their consciousnesses. Surely, she’d simply woken up early. And where was Ferdie? Gasping, Lydias stood, dragging her broken body to the wall of windows. She brought a fist to the cool glass. Nikola watched her from the other side. “Where are they,” she croaked. “What happened?”

He shook his head sympathetically. “They didn’t recall their consciousness. According to our records, Ilya and Flora died protecting you from pursuit. Ferdinand was infected.” His eyes were grave. “He guarded you until reinforcements arrived.”

She didn’t know if she could bear the answer, but she asked anyway. “And then?”

Nikola studied her for a long moment before giving in. “And then the Punishing Virus took over his M.I.N.D. He escaped because we prioritised your survival.” A desperate hope sparked to life within her. “So he’s still alive? Then there’s still a chance! Please, let me find him!”

“You know it doesn’t work like that.” 

“Please,” she begged. “Please.”

He turned away from her. “The Purifying Force has already been sent after him. I’m sorry, Lydias.”

-----------

Three weeks later

“Are you sure?” Nikola asked, studying her with intensity. “Your chances of success are only 47%.”

Lydias stared at him blankly. “I’m sure.”

“I’m afraid I can’t allow it. Commandants are valuable to Babylonia. Perhaps even more than Constructs. Few possess the will and compatibility to stabilize M.I.N.Ds. Someone as experienced as you is not expendable.”

“Then I quit being a Commandant. I refuse to lead another squad.” She looked away. “I couldn’t protect any of them. Not a single one.” Her voice broke. “I’m not… I don’t think I can--I just can’t.”

Nikola considered her with some pity. “What do you want then, Lydias?”

“You know what I want. I’m not afraid of dying.”

“I know you’re not afraid, but it seems to me like you seek it.”

She said nothing. Nikola sighed. “I’d rather not lose you completely. You have experience and ability. The Black Wolves were specifically chosen for that mission for your competence. Aife will increase our combat power significantly against the Corrupted.” He pinched the bridge of his nose. “It’s unfortunate, but these things happen at war.”

“Say whatever you want,” Lydias said stubbornly. “But this is my final decision.”

“Fine,” Nikola said. “Your attempt at redemption is admirable. I’ll grant your request, but if you survive, you’ll work directly under me. Is that acceptable?”

“Perfectly.”

INTERLUDE HIDDEN CHAPTER

F A D I N G   L I G H T

Flora: Fairfrost - Voice Log 

*sounds of fighting* I hope this reaches you, Commandant. I don’t think I’m gonna last much longer and… *grunting* I just wanna say goodbye. The old man’s already gone. I felt his signal die out a while ago. He went down taking a blade for me, can you believe it? Even though I’m the Attacker Construct. *panting* You know what his last words to me were? “It hurts.” As if our pain receptors weren’t turned off. I know what he means though. *blades clashing* After all, we all wanna go back home with you. But life’s a bit unfair, eh? For once, I don’t mind. Protecting your back… it almost makes me feel like a hero. That ain’t something you experience every day, y’know? *metal tearing* I guess what I’m trying to say is thank you. For being someone worthy of love. *crash, wet coughing* It’s been my honour and privilege to have been one of your Wolves, Commandant. You’ll remember me, won’t you?

-----------

Ferdinand: Aegis - Voice Log 

Lydias… This will probably be my last communication with you. I never would have thought this would be how it ends, but… Well, I’m just glad that I get to spend my final moments with you. I can feel my M.I.N.D. slipping, but Babylonia will be here any second now. They’ll take care of you, the way I wish I could. *sigh* Ah, there are so many things I want to say. I have nothing to lose anymore, so I hope you’re ready to listen. *deep breath* I love you. The way you laugh at my jokes and tease me. The way you can talk about anything. Your smile, your lips. I love the way you kiss me. And of course, I love our late night activities… Such as you trying to teach me to dance. *short laughter* Were you expecting me to say something else, Commandant? You--*grunt, glitching* Looks like my time is running out. I should go, but promise me one thing, Lydias. Promise me you’ll keep your heart open, so that someone else can love you as you deserve. I--You--*glitches*

DATA CORRUPTED.

[sasa-gay-yo]

Just Us (Chapter Fifteen: Dedicate Your Heart)

← Chapter Fourteen

I thought I was going to die. Sitting there hearing his pompous ass ramble on about how better his life than ours in the Capital was going to make me go crazy if he didn’t stop. He seemed to enjoy it too. The way his lips curled into a smirk when he heard Jonas groan next to me as he went on and on about the luxuries of the capital and what the Military Police get for their monthly bonus. I was just trying to keep my best behavior up because Ben had threatened Jonas and me before this meet-up. It was even worse than I thought it was going to be too because Catrin wasn’t there to talk over him. I’d rather hear her babble on about her baby and hair salon than whatever shit is coming out of his mouth now. Duran was point-blank lying about all of this and you knew it. MPs just sit around and do nothing in the capital, and now he was accepted to join a special team that was so top secret, he could only tell us every detail? I didn’t buy it. Also, how was he considered an elite soldier? These were all the thoughts running through your mind while he talked. 

“That sounds like an amazing opportunity for you Duran. Maybe we can visit you as a family in the capital after your training.” I also laughed at Ben’s proposal, knowing good and well I was never going to willingly venture onto Duran’s turf where he can bullshit to us even more. If anything, we should show up at a random time so he’s taken by surprise and can’t cover up his lies with a few changes of cash. 

“But enough about me,” he feigned, “What’s been going on with you all here back home?” Ben looked at Jonas and me, then to his wife, and realized that he was the only one willing to talk, so he started off about his job and the cafe. I knew I’d be next, so I was trying to build some narrative in my head that Duran couldn’t pick apart. In the middle of the part where I’m trying to figure out how to not tell him about closing the shop for a period of time, Jonas kicked me under the table. As annoyed as I was, when I saw him move his head towards the back door I was the first one out of my chair. 

“Fresh air,” I mumbled, before walking out, not hearing Duran’s comment when Jonas got up to join me. 

“Those two finally together?” I slammed the door, forgetting that Jonas was right behind, and he walked out holding his head. I mumbled sorry before starting up the ladder to the roof. The spot that Jonas and I always went to do nothing. Once on the roof, it gave a nice view across Trost and I could see the top of the walls where the guns and Garrison sat in wait. A few days ago, the whole of Trost was awoken by cannon fire, and it took all but two hours for the café to be bustling with the rumors that the first titan had reached the outside of Trost. To say it was scary was an understatement, but it was overly annoying that now the people were rejoicing how close the Scouts were to save Trost if anything happened. I don't remember those praises when the mission to reclaim the wall had happened. How easily they could switch up because they needed personal protection astounded me. After that incident, the Scouts had allocated a few people to stand watch every day at the wall to kill any abnormal or call for help if the titans that destroyed Shiganshia were back again. It was morbid, but I was waiting for the day that the Colossal Titan, as people were calling it, reached a hand over Trost’s walls. Staring at them now, I could just picture it. 

“Penny for your thought, Ev?” Jonas took out a pack of cigarettes, a habit he acquired in the past few months, and got something out of his pocket to light it. The roof and outside of my apartment was the only place he could do it without getting yelled at by Ben or his roommates. I had done my best to warm him the first few weeks, but he seemed not to care. Still, I had no idea why he started now when he had years previous to do it.

“Thinking about when the Colossal Titan reaches Trost.” He took a drag and just nodded, counting on comments of morbidity to come from my mouth. It was a common theme now. 

“Anything else less… intense? I’m trying to have a relaxing time up here before I have to go down and listen to Duran’s mouth.” I smiled lightly, dangling my legs off the edge of the building. I had to think of something else to say because that’s truly all I was thinking about. These days, I don’t try and let my mind run.

“I was thinking about paying a few petty gang members to jump Duran on his way back to Mitras. You want to donate a few notes?” He sighed, this time shaking his head, but I could see the smile on his face. It was a tempting offer for the day we’ve had to endure. 

“Unfortunately, my crime funds have run low. If Catrin was here, she’d donate though.”

“She would.” The wind whipped through once, and I put my arms around myself, regretting not storming out with at least a jacket. It was almost winter. One month till the end of the year. Six months. 

“How long did Ben say Duran was staying? Am I going to have to entertain him tomorrow in the café?” Jonas snuffed out his cigarette on the brick before leaning back a bit to feel the wind enter his ashed lungs. 

“The week I think. At least he’s not staying in your old bedroom. Now I can’t stay at home when I want to for the next week. I have a double shift in two days and it was so much easier to come back here and sleep.” I groaned. God, I was going to have to entertain him and his new happy-go-lucky attitude. That was the worst part. While he was still annoying, braggy, and covertly malicious, the only thing that changed is that he seemed less interested in fighting outright. Actually, it was even more annoying because there wasn’t anything to call him out for upfront. He hid his ass well and Ben seemed to be eating up this fake persona.

“At least Ben isn’t forcing you to make food for this fucking family picnic inside the walls. It’s your fault for telling him about the meadow. I have no idea why now Ben feels like we need to be a family again, I’m almost thirty.” Jonas huffed one in laughter.

“I could think of a few reasons why, but I’d like to keep the peace we’ve made tonight.” I nodded, knowing what some of those reasons were.

“I’m glad you’ve made that decision.” He threw the cigarette off the building and I watched it fall and hit the ground. The last spark flew out of it when it hit the mud, and quickly burnt out. I just stared at it for what seemed like forever. 

“If you went back to your old self, you know, became happy again, I’m sure Dad wouldn’t force you on family picnics.” Ah, there it was. The daily comment about my state of emotion. It was different than last time. I wasn’t crying anymore and I didn’t show up to the café with bloodshot eyes from no sleep. No, I was calm. I was living on spite. There would be no tears for someone who would never drop them for me. There was anger. Definitely anger. Sometimes it came out too. The latest victim was Elias who had spilled over a whole pail of water and I yelled at him loud enough for Jonas, who was outside throwing away garbage, to hear. I bought him any sweet he wanted from the corner shop to apologize. He wasn’t the only one I’d let my anger out on. 

Hange visits me now. I don’t know why she does it, and every time she sits in his seat. At first, it was annoying to be reminded of him, but I grew to like her conversation. Once, however, she talked about him, and I yelled at her to stop. She seemed used to it for some reason, not even flinching with my harsh words. Even after, she continued as nothing happened and let me feel guilty. The last time she came, about the same time the first titan reached Trost, I treated her to an extra tart because of it. 

“This is me now, Jonas. Pretty much.” I pushed back the skin on my nails knowing he would protest that. 

“No, it’s not. I’ve never seen you act like this. This isn’t you.” I just hummed, agreeing so he would stop pressing it. I’d try my hardest every day to not think about it. One-track mind. 

“You two! Come back down! It’s time for dessert!” The door slammed behind Ben, signaling he’d gone back inside after yelling at us. Jonas stood up before I could say something back, motioning that the conversation was done. This is how it usually went. He was too overwhelmed with the fact that I had no emotion anymore and then just left the conversation. 

“Well come on then.” 

For the rest of the week, my detest towards Duran was building. He came every day to the café, dressed up in his MP uniform, and talked to everyone like he owned the place. Some of the older women also flaunted over him, remembering the days he was here and making some form of fake past where he actually stayed in the café. I couldn’t even remember a clear time when he was in the café while I was working, and I worked there every day. They must have remembered something very, very different than I did. I just stood there and watched with distaste and told all my grievances to Jonas.  On the day of the picnic, I was about to completely snap. 

The family picnic had included Elias and June and Jonas’s sister. Elias and June had come to the café that morning, asking if they could stay with me since their family was starting another cult meeting and I agreed, knowing it would be a welcoming distraction to Duran. We were now waiting outside Jonas’s house. Waiting for Duran to put his stupid MP gear on. He thought the citizens of Trost would marvel at his status, not having any MPs here, but I told him that they’d rather spit on him. That set him off once, but he easily controlled it. I guess this new squad needed him to control that nasty ass personality to be in it. Good.

“And the person who bought the book said that it was like brand new! Mr. Philpa even commended me on my work! I really think I’m starting to get the hang of it.” I mustered to give June a smile, trying to keep her happy atmosphere up. I would need it today if I was going to be forced to listen to Duran for hours now. Since I insulted him this morning, I was going to have a target on my back the rest of the day. That was very clear when he complimented how well my makeup covered up the huge black circles on my face. Passive aggressive ass. 

“Alright, everyone! Time to head out!” Ben was over the moon that his family had gathered to do something. He was the family man, always. It was probably instilled in him by Mrs. Flynn, at least that’s what Catrin had said, and it was getting to be annoying. I could come to their house to eat, but to forcibly make me make food for Duran who was just going to complain about the flavor? I couldn’t handle that. I swore up and down the kitchen when I was making this last night. As we walked to the Trost entrance, Duran just kept talking, and even at the front of the pack with Jonas and Elias, I could still hear him rambling. It was giving me a headache, which was a telltale sign I was going to burst any minute. This is always what happens when I yell at someone. The anger builds up into physical pain, and I can’t get rid of it any other way. In the dead of the night, I’ll wake up from a dream and find no better remedy than yelling Fuck really loud. It’s embarrassing when I forget Jonas is usually on my couch.

“You good?” Jonas leaned in to whisper in my ear and I just looked at him out of the side of my eyes. He got the memo and continued talking to Elias about his school work. It was too loud in this part of Trost, and Duran’s stupid voice was even louder. This coupled with the fact that people would stop to talk to Ben or even me was getting to be way too much. This is why I stayed in the café most of the time. 

“Eva, haven’t seen you come this way for a while,” the Garrison captain called out from where he and the morning watch were playing cards on a barrel. At that moment, I vividly remembered punching him in the face, and I was tempted to do it again as he stopped the whole party to talk to me. The way he said it was definitely hinting at the fact that I was no longer in his secretly assessed relationship. 

“I’ve just come when you’re not around, Captain. Probably drunk in a pub somewhere.” Duran was the first to hop into the conversation, ready to begin a military circle jerk. 

“Evylnn, that’s not how you talk to a military member! Good morning, Captain.” Duran held his hand out to the Captain who gave one weary look at it and shook it. He remembered Duran correctly and he knew how much trouble he’d gotten into as a kid. He was also probably surprised that he had an MP uniform on when he would throw rocks at the Garrison.

“I don’t know what it’s like in Mitras, but that’s how we talk to them here in Trost, Duran. Then again, what would a military mouse like you know?” He turned and glared, making me reminisce about the real Duran. The signature glare was still there. You just had to wait for it.

“We’re just leaving, Captain. Sorry to bother you!” Ben grasped my shoulder, hard, making me pay for what I’d said to both the Captain and Duran. He pulled me too, right to the front where Jonas and the kids were standing. While he pushed me, he whispered a threat in my ear. 

“If this picnic is ruined by you, you’re paying.” I didn’t react, even though I wanted to roll my eyes at him. It wouldn’t be my fault if I said something to make everyone uncomfortable. It would be Duran’s fault because he provoked me. I just tsk-ed as he let me go and started walking back to join Analee. 

“You don’t know how bad I want to ruin this picnic now, Jonas.” He sighed, but I could definitely tell it was to hide a laugh in front of Elias and June. When we got to the open gate, the Garrison soldiers saw my glare and just let us through without any protest. Usually, this large of a group would be questioned thoroughly, but since I was in it, they knew not to ask me anything. Duran seemed surprised by this and stopped to yell at them for not doing their job, holding us up again. I just stood there, halfway through the tunnel as he blabbed on and on able the Garrison's responsibility like he was their boss. An MP wasn't going to boss Garrison members around, but here he was in his arrogance, trying to do that.

“You don’t know how to do your jobs! If there’s a group this large the-” 

“Scouts are coming!” Someone yelled from above the wall, and when I looked out the entrance, I could see the horses nearing the walls. They were leaving late today, but how could I forget it was the first of the month. 

“Please, Miss. Flynn, we're going to ask you to move and stay here till the Scouts progress through. It won’t be that long there isn’t a lot of them.” I was touched by one of the Garrison soldiers, and I quickly shrugged their hand off of me, not wanting to move. I could see Erwin now in front of everyone, and subconsciously I was looking for the black hair. Jonas was the one to come over and drag me to the side of the tunnel so I wouldn’t get trampled on impact. 

“How could I forget?” I whispered, and I knew he had heard it. Technically, there were supposed to leave by the time I woke up today, making sure I never was tempted to look out my window when they left. Whenever they came back, I would sit in the back room too. I was making such an effort to never see him, but now I was forced to stand here as the Garrison blocked the two sides of the tunnel. Duran and the rest were held back and only Jonas, Elias, June, and I stood in the tunnel. I couldn't even hide. I was there in plain sight and I knew I would be face to face with him. I hardened my face quickly as they approached. He wasn’t going to get to see any emotion from me. Just like he did to me. He stood on his horse right next to Erwin and right in front of me. I didn’t even look at him like I said I was going to do. I stared right at Erwin who was stopped by the Garrison squad leader to do a head and supply count. 

“Commander Erwin!” Elias called out, making everyone who didn’t care about our presence now look right at us. I felt the eyes. I heard some of the whispers. Some of them didn’t die between then and now, and they remembered my face. It was telling too that I couldn’t stare at Levi, but I didn’t feel his eyes on me. He didn’t care about me. I had to remind myself about that. He didn’t care. That’s why he left me. He used me. I just had to tell myself this over and over again to try and forget. I was doing so good recently too. I’d only think about him once a day now, but this instance was going to ruin it. If I even glanced and met his eye, it would all be gone. 

“Hello, Elias. It’s been a while since I’ve seen you. You’ve grown,” he looked over to me, noticing that the two of us were just glaring at him instead of looking at each other, “Eva. It has been too long.” I fought back the urge to scoff, but I knew I had to respond. I had to let him know I wasn’t hurt. 

“It has, hasn’t it Commander. If you come to the café with Squad Leader Hange, I’ll treat you.” I smiled. The best smile I had mustered in months. He needed to know I was done. I was past him. I didn’t need him. I didn’t think of him every night. I didn’t regret not sleeping in my bed once with him. He needed to know that I didn’t. 

“Of course I’ll take you up on that offer, Eva. Well, we’ll be off.” He nodded down to the Garrison soldier and they moved the blocks out of the way so the horses and carts could continue. When his horse started walking, I thought it safe to look at him. His eyes were filled with that one emotion. The one that was there when he had nightmares. When he confessed his feelings to me. When he told me about his life in the Underground. The emotion, still unnamed to him, I had labeled pain. He was in pain. I hoped my eyes didn’t display the emotion that I was feeling either. With one look up, and one sheer shot of pain through my heart, I looked back down on the ground. He knew. He knew exactly what I’d been through. What I was thinking. And it was sadistic of me to think that for one second that that look of pain was because he missed me. No, it must have pained him to see how hopeless I was. It must have further proved that I couldn’t live without him. Pain. I was feeling pain. I was feeling it this whole time. These whole six months. 

“You may carry on, Mr. Flynn.” 

“I didn’t know that you knew the Commander of the Scouts, Eva. Fitting.” I closed my eyes, taking a deep breath. He was talking about Kristian. I handed the picnic basket of food to Jonas and took one look at Duran and smiled wickedly. 

“I’m sorry you’re jealous that I’m closer to high ups than you’ll ever be, Duran. Maybe if you got on your knees for them like you probably did to get on this special squad of yours, then you’d be in my position. Sorry brother, but I’m not hungry anymore. I’ll be cleaning the café.” Ben didn’t stop me, but I knew he was mad. I’d ruined his figurative perfect family picnic and now he was going to have to deal with a pissed-off Duran and talk about me the whole time. I did feel a bit guilty, but I just couldn’t stand being there. Not now. I took the long way home, making sure not to cross the main road, and walked up to my apartment from the back. I shut all my windows too. Loud. Hoping that maybe if he was situated outside my window in formation, he would hear it. 

I left those upstairs windows closed for what felt like forever. Jonas would always complain how stuffy it felt with no light besides oil lamps in the living room, but I always yelled at him if he went to touch them. I need to stop myself from being tempted. Every first of the month, I would hear it. I heard the horses and the carts match forward. I listened to Erwin’s speech each time. Every speech had a similar form and ended with the famous line shinzo wo sasageyo. There would be some lowered shouts and then they would all ride off to the other gate into the land of the titans. Give your hearts. How to give your heart when it’s in pieces? That’s what I thought every time and if the windows weren’t closed, I would have looked out to see Levi. Was he looking up at the windows like he used to? Giving me a firm nod before they left, only to do the same when I saw them come back. I wanted to know so bad, so that’s why I kept them shut. If I looked and he didn’t do it, it would ruin the illusion in my mind that somehow he still had feelings for me.

Eren, Armin, and Mikasa came back too. One last time before they were off to training camp. I was touched that they would remember my single act of kindness, and I treated them to their last sweet meal for three years. 

“If we can write letters, Miss. Eva, I’ll write one to you.” Armin told me in confidence, and I nodded, telling him that I would like that. Even if I’d known them for so little, it was hard to see them off to training camp. They were cadets now and Eren was still going on about killing all the titans. I guess it was a bit refreshing to see such passion in his eyes, but it still scared me a little. I told him to calm himself down before they stepped off back to their last night in the Garrison storeroom. They waved, even Mikasa, and I made them take a little food-to-go. Once they were done with training, they would be stationed in Trost as cadets before going to be Scouts. They would visit me then, they promised. I would be able to see them all grown up. I also told them that I would probably be able to see them when they graduate regardless, but it gave something for the others to look after. Armin and Mikasa seemed much less enthusiastic to go out in the field and kill titans.

“Their names are Eren, Mikasa, and Armin. At least, Eren said he wanted to join the Scouts.” I passed the cup of coffee over to Hange who seemed to be scribbling furiously in her notebook. I had to even light a candle since she had stayed so late, stuck by some inspiration. After their last exhibition, she’d gotten to study a titan’s gut up close and she said she needed an extra dose of coffee to be able to draw everything. 

“If they want to be in the Scouts that bad they will. Only the top 10 people get to be an MP and then the rest usually go to the Garrison. Scouts are a special breed. We usually only get twenty in good years.” I took a sip of my coffee, not caring about how long I’d stay up tonight. I’d probably be here talking to Hange either way. She seems to have made it her mission to not let me feel lonely. Every time she comes she has little tasks for me or something that she needs to consult people for. I never get sleep on the days that Hange comes, but I feel a bit warmer slipping into bed. 

“I have a brother who went to the MPs, that means he was in the top ten of his class?” I gave her a look of disbelief. There was no way Duran was actually good at what he did. Top ten my ass. He would be bragging about it if he was.

“The only way they would allow that if most of the top 10 pick Scout or Garrison. The MPs need to hit a certain quota every year, so that could be why. What do you think of this? Is it proportional to the titan's body?” She showed me her notebook and pointed to something that looked like a small intestine. I shrugged.

“Hange, I don’t know what titans look like.” She sighed, nodding. 

“You’re right, I forget that you aren’t a Scout. You know, you’re the only person who isn’t a Scout that I know.” I didn’t know if I should take that as a compliment or not. 

“Don’t you have a family, Hange?” She pulled back the notebook and erased the part she pointed out at me, redrawing it. 

“Well, yeah, but they don’t count. It’s just my parents and they don’t really care about titans either. I think they’re just fascinating.” I gave her a light smile before turning to look out the window at the setting sun. The snow was starting to melt now, but relatively early. I wondered what Eren and the others were doing. If it wasn’t dinner, then probably more training. Their first day was only a few days ago and Hange had told me again about the man who trains them. Hard as a rock and yells really loud. She didn’t have him personally, but he spent his last year in the Scouts when she had just joined.

“I wish I knew more about titans and the military. A lot of people I know are in the military, so it would make sense, you know?” She put her pencil down and crossed her hands. 

“If you want to know more about titans I can tell you about all my experiments. If you want to know more about the military, you can ask me. I’ve been there a while.” She pushed her glasses up again and I turned to look at her. Hange really was an almanac in front of me. 

“Do titans really look like they draw them in the newspaper? They look like big humans?” A finger went up as she started her lecture. 

“Titans have faces like humans sometimes, and other times their features are often... oversaturated. We have no idea why this variation happens occurs. Some look like big versions of you and me, and others look like they have giant eyes, a small forehead, and huge lips. Like three feet long lips. They’re naked too, but without human genitalia. It’s just bare down there. Most of the time, they just look like pink humans. Then there are abnormals.” 

“I’ve heard those words before,” I pointed out and she nodded quickly. I wasn’t going to tell her who I heard it from, but I’ve heard it. 

“Abnormals are those who don’t act like regular titans. They might have more intelligence or partially weird bodily traits. Some can jump, others can crawl. You probably heard it when people talked about Shiganshina. The two titans that broke through the walls were abnormal. One was taller than the walls and the other was really muscular and had armored plates on its body. And it was yellowy-orange, which is not a titan color. But you want to know why those titans are even more abnormal than abnormals?” Her eyes lit up in the candlelight, and it was almost scary how she was getting when talking about this. I wondered how the Scouts got so lucky to find someone like Hange to discover these things for them. 

“Why?” 

“They disappeared. Poof!” She yelled using her hands, “Into thin air! No matter which titan they are, the body is always there to cut into. Once we got there, both the Colossal and the Armored Titan were gone in thin air. There was no way that would happen with any normal titan. I just want to know why! This is like one of the biggest titan secrets ever!” They disappeared into thin air?

“That doesn’t make sense.” 

“I know!” She seemed delighted with this information, “You can see why people left this out of the newspapers. The citizens would go crazy if they knew a titan that was like 80 meters tall just walked off!” She went off in her usual manic laughter after that, just overly joyed that a titan like this could have an ability like that and she was one of the only people who could figure out the mystery. 

“Hange, are you supposed to tell me all of this?” She stopped laughing and blinked once or twice before breaking out into a smile again. 

“No.” This made me laugh too. That was Hange’s ability. I don’t laugh unless it’s about her. Really laugh. She says jokes or acts in a way that lightens the mood in the empty café. I thank her for that regularly.

“Hange, it’s getting late, you should probably head out. You have an expedition tomorrow… Unless you want to stay here. I have space upstairs.” This was the first time Hange had come over when an expedition was the next day. She apparently snuck out to come here and it would probably be hard to sneak back in. I knew by the way her eyes lit up too that she was going to agree. 

This is how I found that, besides the length of the pants, Hange and I were the same size. She sat on the couch, a blanket around her shoulders, staring down at the notebook with the same intensity as earlier. This would be the first time Hange had stayed over. Hange was also very comfortable with this idea. I offered her space in my bed and she took it right away. However, this began to be a mistake on my part because she couldn’t stop talking next to me. 

“This bed is really comfortable, what is it made out of?” 

“Feathers.” 

“If you had to choose between eating a whole onion or eating a cockroach, what would you pick?” 

“Can I choose neither, what kind of question is that?” 

“Okay, eaten or stepped on by a titan.” 

“... stepped on.”

“I agree!” At first, it was a welcomed distraction. When I was alone in my bed, these were the times I thought of him. Especially since I would wake up to the sounds of the horses at my front door. I wouldn’t cry anymore. It had been too long. Pretty soon, it would be over a year of loneliness and discontent. I hadn’t seen his face since the picnic disaster, and all I had of him were the letters. The letters that I now kept shoved under my mattress so that I could read them. Over and over. The letters that hid his lies. I fed into the lies too. When I read the letters, I didn’t feel alone. I would revert back to the times when I met him. The times when he wrote me these letters. When I was in love. Who am I kidding, I’m still in love. I never forgot. That’s why the letters are sitting under my mattress, right below my arm. It hurt. It always did. Loving someone who didn’t love you back. I never experienced it till now. This was how Jonas felt. 

“Eva?” Hange asked, seeing that I was staring up at the ceiling, getting lost in my thoughts. I’d have to remember that she was there. I couldn’t wake up screaming into the night like I had before. She wouldn’t ignore it like Jonas did. 

“Yes, Hange?” She shifted so that she was facing me. 

“He still asks about you.” My heart clenched and I closed my eyes. No. Not now. It was fueling me. The thought all the way back in my mind. He was lying. He did love me. 

“Does he?” It was hard to spit out and it sounded like a whisper when it didn’t mean to be. 

“I’m not allowed to tell you everything, but he does. He misses you.” 

“Why are you telling me this, Hange?” I could feel her smile next to me, and I turned my head to see it. It was a smile that was hiding secrets from me. 

“Because I want to make you two happy again. You two aren’t happy like you were before.” I sighed, turning away from her as I felt tears well in my eyes. There goes my three-month-long record of no crying. 

“He doesn’t love me, Hange. You of all people know that.” She tsk-ed, just like him. 

“You’ll know soon. Both of you will. I know it.” I sniffled once, and she already had her hand on my back. Great. She heard me. Was she going to tell Levi about this? 

“It’ll be okay, Eva. Trust me.” 

The next morning, she woke me up. She was already dressed and hopping around the apartment and I just took my first few steps out. The front windows were open too, for the first time in months. The light was radiating down onto the kitchen counter and living room table she was currently sitting at, gathering her things.

“Good morning, sunshine! Isn’t it such a nice day to go see some titans?” I huffed once, rubbing my eyes to get them more awake. This was the earliest I’d been up at in a while. Only Hange would say something like that this early in the morning. 

“Don’t you need your gear?” I walked to the kitchen, looking out at her in the living room. 

“Moblit will bring it. He knows I’m here. He’s a member of my squad.” I nodded, turning on a kettle to make hot water for coffee. I’d offer it to her as retribution for comforting me last night. Maybe I’d ask her to not tell him what happened either. I didn’t want him to know I was still weak after all this time. She just looked down at her notebook, writing more and more things in it, a book to her left. I never knew how she could read so much. 

“Coffee?” I offered to after I poured some, but she shook her head, saying it would make her even more jittery during the expedition. I could already see that when the time entered for the horses to be filling up in Trost’s main drag that she was shaking, not with fear, but excitement. What a weird girl, I thought, shaking my head at her. We talked a bit here and there about the expedition's plans, but at this point, we were both waiting for the Scouts to come and pick her up. I was planning too. Planning whether I would close up those windows as she exited.

When they finally came, she did something unexpected. She grabbed my wrist, letting me put on some proper shoes, and then pulled me down my front stairs to hundreds of eyes preparing for take-off. It was a bit embarrassing that I was just in a single nightgown in front of all of them, and Hange seemed to forget I was only wearing sandals as she pulled me.

“Moblit!” She yelled and pulled me into the middle of the Scouts. Now, I was feeling really watched. Those who survived had now seen my face for the third time. When Hange yelled, a long-faced blonde turned around, ODM gear in his hand. He looked shaken too like he was about to get yelled at. 

“Moblit, this is my friend, Eva! I was having a sleepover at her house last night. My gear, thank you!” The blonde man, Moblit, dropped her gear and bowed to me. I bowed a little bit back, putting my hands on my arms. The morning was still not yet a summer one, so wearing nothing over my slip was making me start to freeze. Everyone here had on a coat and the signature green cape while I was bare. 

“Hello, Moblit,” I managed out and he turned to Hange to talk about something. I just stood there, not knowing if I was able to just leave, or if Hange had wanted to talk more. With every passing moment, I was getting more and more anxious about seeing one face in the field. That’s why I was staring right at Hange, eyes not moving anywhere no matter how tempted I was. 

“Oh my goodness!” Hange announced loudly, making others turn to look again, “You’re freezing! How could I drag you out here like this!?” She turned around to look through the bags on the cart behind her. She was probably looking for something to give me so I wasn’t freezing and shivering. This probably meant that she was going to make me stand and talk to her before Erwin dismissed the families. That’s what usually happened. Some wives, husbands, and families who relocated to Trost would come in the morning to say goodbye for, possibly, the last time, and Erwin would politely dismiss them before giving his big shinzo wo speech. 

“Moblit, do we have any extra capes, I can’t find on-” The green dropped over my shoulders rather sloppily, but I could feel the warmth left behind by the previous wearer. I didn’t want to turn behind me to see who it was though. I knew who it was. So did Moblit. So did Hange. So did the others who were still looking at me. They knew who had given me the cape, and they were surprised at the generosity. I was scared. Scared of the generosity. What did it mean? How did it align with what Hange said last night? 

Mint, lemon, and cedar. 

“Please, don’t expose yourself in front of my cadets.” The horse trotted off to the front, but his foot lightly brushed my back. Just that one touch. That one single second. It sent a chill down my spine. It had been so long since I’d touched him. The last time was our last goodbye. Just like the families here in Trost. I’d held him on my doorstep, right before the expedition, not knowing that it would be our last goodbye.

Hange stood up, giving me the same smile she did last time. It said those two words. Trust me. What was Hange doing? Had she changed his demeanor? Why could I still feel that chill down my spine? Why was I holding his cape so close to me when I should’ve been throwing it on the ground? 

I took the cape off my shoulders, taking one look at it before giving it back to Hange. I wouldn’t let him do this. I wouldn’t let him care about me. The chill, however, was unbearable after I handed it back. It wasn’t just the chill of the morning wind anymore. It was the chill of his eyes still on me as I handed it back to Hange. 

“I-I need to get the… the café, yeah, I need to get it ready.” She nodded, the smile still on her face, and I turned around to go back up to my apartment. 

“That’s cute! Haha, look at this, Moblit. Levi marks his cape with a little L so he knows it’s his!” I stopped walking. I was at the edge of the Scouts, all of them behind me, yet if I looked to my side I would get a view of him. He was always on the right of Erwin. So, that’s what I did. After Hange said that, I looked at him out of the corner of my eye and locked eyes. There it was again. Pain. His eyes were full of pain. Vivid pain that made me feel it too. My heart twisted inside, and I was so close to getting caught if I didn’t stalk up the stairs to my apartment and close the door. I crouched down, my back against the door, the tears coming again. Pain. That’s all I felt. Pain. Why had he done that? Why was I suffering this whole time? Why had he put an L on his cape? What was it supposed to show me? Why were we suffering? Why couldn’t he just tell me plainly? Why couldn’t I understand what he was doing? Why? Why? Why? 

I cried through Erwin’s speech, his words a lot louder this time. They were echoing in my head. About sacrifice. About saving the world. Everything that would make an apprehensive cadet ready to go outside the walls and die. And then he ended it. That one phrase. 

“Cadets! Scouts! The people of Trost! Shinzo wo sasageyo!” The cries lifted in the air. They made my head hurt. I wondered if Levi heard my cries from inside my apartment. I held my head in my hands. 

“I can’t. I can’t dedicate my heart. Not again. Not again.”

Jonas found me like that when I didn’t show up for his morning delivery. The café remained closed that day. And the next. I closed the windows back up too. Jonas didn’t question what happened either. He just stacked up the delivery boxes in the stock room and then left, promising he’d come back later when he was off. When he came back, I was still in the same spot he put me on the couch. He echoed his words from the first time. 

“What did he do?” and I just shook my head. 

xx just a cute little double update for yall

Chapter Sixteen →

Chapter Masterlist

[thequibblah]

directors cut for WTRF? 🥺👉👈 not biased at all obviously just objective third party asking for a directors cut hmmm hmmmmm

literally how could u do this every other word in that fic is an easter egg i can't shut up about..... bestie u are about to have regrets

one thing u should know is that 90% of things in this fic have real-world equivalents and its not even like....... hidden equivalents. serie primo = serie a, for instance. this trend is going to continue and i won't apologise <3

fun fact i named the bar the Bar and the drinks after shapes because i was too lazy to come up with something actually clever

this bit

I’m grinning to myself by the time she approaches my table.

was a very intentional fakeout and if you read this and thought "she" would be lily, feel free to sue me for emotional damages

the biggest conundrum of this AU was, how are jily not going to have met in school when magic exists? the solution was, of course, having multiple magic schools. but i couldn't let one of them have hogwarts, that didn't seem fair. i know i did sort of let lily have it..... but i felt more comfortable making hogwarts a university so there was a legit reason why james wasn't there and in gryffindor (if he'd gone he absolutely would have been)

once solved, i did the fun thing of naming them! ottaline gambol's was easy, i just scrolled through the list of ministers for magic and picked a progressive one. peverell hall was a whim, made all the funnier when lily's reaction is:

Much was made at Otty’s — one of the more progressive magical schools, named for one of the more progressive Ministers of Magic — of schools like Peverell Hall and St. George’s. The latter, I know, is chock-full of pureblooded elite. Peverell Hall is supposed to be slightly better, but still.

dang, it's gonna be funny if she ever finds out james is a descendant of the guy it's named after

fun fact, i included this because peter's question was a real thought i had when reading bond and free, your inspiring writing knows no limits:

The first thing you conjure in Walking Wombat is a yellow quill... “Why yellow?” Peter asked. Eddie gave him a strange look. “Why not?”

i realised i'd put jily in the same conundrum they had in tis the fucking season here:

It’s only then that I remember she’s just bought us drinks. I turn back to my triangle. “Oh, shit.” I suppose I can pawn it off on one of the others.

...but of course the resolution is rather different, and i do so enjoy a james with no filter (aka default james)

I briefly lose control of my brain and my tongue. “Is it too soon to say I’m in love with you?”

by the way, no-filter james will be a theme. wild things sure do run fast but not as fast as this boy runs his mouth!

also, another interesting challenge here was making sure james has a reason to be the way he is in AU. i love playing around with james's childhood/background and seeing how that affects his character while (hopefully!) staying true to who he is. i did that in ttfs by having him move around a lot and not meet the marauders until after the flashback timeline, which is why he's less of a git — he doesn't have the level of comfort in a social setting that canon james has with hogwarts, which is basically his playground from day 2 of first year lol

here, james was probably a fkn nightmare all through school, but of course he gets a big ego check when his quidditch career is derailed. i imagine his years in italy as a continuation of that humility lesson.

I will fully admit I used to be a cocky prick. This is what comes of being a kid who grew up with everything. But one useful thing that the whole fiasco four years ago taught me is humility. I’ve learned how to ask nicely for another chance.

and so much of writing him in wtrf is juggling that typical confidence with the insecurity/fear of losing something he's invested so much in (and has seen slip away before). it's really new to me, because typically i give lily uncertain life circumstances, but i suppose it's both of them in this AU.

the car thing was... i swear didn't start out as smutty, it was purely because i wanted a way to establish lily as muggleborn in a world where the connotations of not having magical parents is very different. more to come on that!

also, come to think of it, by this metric...

I’m now in dangerous territory, since that adds another impressive action to her running tally.

...i think james is already in love with her LOL

this bit:

The street is considered indecent and the downstairs hallway would have our landlady come running at once, so if it pleases Your Honour, we would recommend the sitting room sofa.

...was actually because in draft one lily was a lawyer, but then it was funny enough that i didn't want to take it out, but NOW i realise it makes it sound a little like she's addressing james as your honour, which.... hm. but anyway, we move on

Marc Bolan begs us to get it on through the stereo, vocalising my thoughts exactly.

the song here was initially "you shook me" (h/t @keepingupwithpotters) but i chickened out because zeppelin is SO horny dfjkhgkjs

also, it gave me so much joy to read everyone reacting to lily thinking about her ex (the general vibe was "who the fuck is this guy!!! ew!!!!") — rest assured (or, unassured??) that he has a part to play in all this. anyway, this is one of my fave lines:

He’s just a person, and there’s such a relief in sleeping with James and not the myth of a guy.

because as any come together reader knows....

Just James. Just James. It was never just James.

wtrf lily will learn!

literally the whole world knows i'm obsessed with needle drops that have no subtlety at all, but this one...

We just laugh, tangled together in a sweaty heap, as “Heaven Is in the Back Seat of My Cadillac” plays through the car’s speakers. “On the nose, isn’t it?” James says, sitting up.

...was pure luck, because i was looking up the top hits on the uk singles chart for the week(ish) this scene takes place in so that i could find a song that would realistically play on the radio, saw this, and was like omg the stars really do align

i feel like the thing i enjoy most about writing romance is the importance i get to place in noticing/looking/observing (and sometimes, not noticing!). it's just such a powerful but simple writerly tool, and god knows i am obsessed with pithy descriptions anyway, so this bit i am especially happy with:

James is already waiting, leaning against the car with his hands in his pockets. I feel as though I’m seeing him for the first time, the faint light of the flickering streetlamp catching him in profile: the strong slope of his nose, the hard line of his jaw, the curve of his smile. He studies the facade of our building with open curiosity, and I wonder what he’s looking for.

(one can only imagine james's train of thought in this moment. perhaps "ah. here lives the future love of my life"?)

“Thanks,” she tacks on at the end. I tip my head to one side in confusion. “For what?” “For, I don’t know. Being nice.” She laughs awkwardly. “I don’t do this very much.”

it wouldn't be a quibblah original tee em without some discourse to come about the nature of romantic/sexual relationships, would it? one thing i enjoy about this AU ("one thing" i say as if this isn't the billionth thing in a list) is that i get to write a romantic lily who's squaring that romanticism with what she perceives as the culture of the times. (this is a bit of a staple in all my characterisations of lily, but it is not often paired with casual sex, the complication of all complications!)

oh this bit literally wrote itself like i didn't even pause to think just vomited it out:

In the morning — and it must be early still — the sun streams through Lily’s sorry excuses for curtains with aggression that cannot be ignored. I crack open an eye to find myself sprawled out across her bed, quite literally spread-eagled. She’s attached to my side like a barnacle. Or a very pretty barnacle, anyway.

i'm especially proud of james's voice in this story. i don't often write first-person fic and i was worried how it'd turn out, but i think james as a character/narrator typically colours his own 3rd-person narration so strongly that it ended up a smoother transition than i'd feared!

also i just. i can't resist throwing in comic relief and i hope that this whole segment was a gentle enough preparation for the awkwardness that followed LOL

All of a sudden, the balcony door bursts open. I nearly drop the mug. “What the—” Mary pokes her head around the corner, sporting a righteous smile. “Morning, handsome.” Over her shoulder she shouts, “He’s on the balcony!” I blink. There’s a sound from inside the flat, as if something very large has just been dropped. Then a swear. “Oh, shit,” I say, realisation dawning, “you weren’t looking for me, were you? It’s so loud out here—” Mary cups a hand around her mouth and stage-whispers, “Lily was frantic.” She’s quite violently yanked back, and Lily herself appears in the doorway, slightly out of breath. “Should’ve checked the balcony first,” she says, and closes the door before Mary can insert herself into the space again. “Hi,” I say, which is agreed-upon best practice for greeting a woman you’ve just had fantastic sex with and ideally would like to have sex with again.

to this day i don't know what lily dropped. let's hope it wasn't expensive!

Captained the under-17 English squad at the World Cup some years back, Serie Primo’s lead goal-scorer of last year… Only an injury in what should’ve been his first season at Puddlemere mars his record. I wince reading about it and comparing it to a heap of press clippings. James Potter was hurt, and Puddlemere didn’t fancy paying for him not to play, so they shipped him off to Milan.

(you cannot imagine how much pointed interrogation of my brother it took to gather this intel.) i constantly worry that i've got dates or timelines wrong somehow — you might notice i tweaked under-17, which used to be under-19 until i realised that made no sense (even though in terms of its career importance i would much preferred it to have been u-19.... anyway). i also found out that u-17 football squads don't actually have captains but i said fuck it on that count.

but obviously i started writing this AU for the sports possibilities, only to discover i'm going to have to interfere a great deal with the Timeline (you shall see in future instalments).

god i really went through the whole fic. like i reread the whole thing to do this. here u go clare jfbghjfd

[debbiechanclub]

Best Two Out of Three, Part 22

Again: Y’all. @what-does-mine-say and I have feelings about this part. A lot of them. I’m sorry I’m posting it so late on a rasslin’ night... but there’s no way I could wait.

Best Two Out of Three

Part: 22/26

Pairing: Kenny Omega x OFC x Cash Wheeler and Adam Page x OFC x Matt Jackson (but it’s complicated)

Word count: 7.6k (yes, again)

Warnings: Language; angst; T E N S I O N

Tag squad: @freshlysqueezedmox @gabbynorth98 @librathepheonix13 @irish-newzealand-idian-dutch @exe-sadboi-exe @comeasyoudar

Catch up on previous parts here.

“Goddammit! We were that fucking close!”

Alex frowned as she helped Chuck limp over to the couch in their locker room, his knee wrapped in ice. Thankfully, he’d just tweaked it; but it didn’t lessen the sting of their loss in the gauntlet match. Now, FTR would face Kenny and Adam for the AEW World Tag Team Championship next Saturday at All Out. The thought alone was enough to give her stress hives.

“I know,” she frowned. “I’m sorry, Chuckie.”

“You two were watching,” Trent said to Alex and Orange as he collapsed onto a seat. “What happened with Hangman during our match against the Bucks? Neither of us saw it.”

“Yeah, I was on the floor dealing with my fucking knee,” Chuck confirmed, wincing as he adjusted himself on the couch. “I didn’t even know he was there until after we won.”

Alex stiffened. She exchanged a hesitant glance with Jim. She didn’t want to tell them. Even though Chuck and Trent had lost the gauntlet, she didn’t want to cheapen their win against Matt and Nick. But they deserved to know what had happened.

“Um, Nick was standing on the ring apron, and before he could do the Meltzer Driver, Adam came out of nowhere and grabbed his leg. He held onto him until you got the win.”

Trent’s eyes widened. “Shit. I guess he really isn’t friends with Matt and Nick anymore.”

“Yeah, I don’t blame him,” Alex breathed. And then, when all three of them looked at her, she realized she hadn’t just thought it—she’d said it.

“Did something else happen?” Chuck asked, his brow furrowed. He seemed genuinely concerned. “You know, other than Matt and Nick generally being self-involved pricks.”

“Oh, something else happened, alright,” she returned. “Callie officially broke up with Adam.”

That just seemed to confuse them further. “What does that have to do with the Bucks?” Trent pressed.

Alex ran a hand through her hair, anxious. For Adam’s sake, she really didn’t want to perpetuate any speculation about what might be going on between Matt and Callie. But, at this point, the situation was like Pandora’s box—there was no containing it anymore.

“Callie showed up at the house on Monday and packed what she could and left,” she explained. “And earlier tonight… Adam told me he found out from Britt gossiping to Penelope that she’s staying with Matt.”

There was a beat of shocked silence. Alex tensed, bracing for their reaction. And then Chuck gaped, “Callie broke up with Adam and now she’s staying with Matt Jackson?”

She nodded again. “Apparently.”

More silence. And then Jim said, “That’s a clear violation of bro code.”

“No shit,” Trent added. “What an asshole.”

“Of the highest order,” Alex agreed. “After Adam did what he did, Matt came barging in here to scream at me about how I must have had something to do with it.”

Trent blinked and shook his head, his eyebrows arched high on his forehead, like he didn’t comprehend what she’d just said. “I’m sorry, what?”

Alex rolled her eyes. “Matt thinks I put Adam up to sabotaging them,” she muttered.

“What?” Chuck shot. “Why?”

“Because he’s a dick,” she returned. “He said I had ‘every reason’ to do it and that I have Adam wrapped around my finger just like I do Kenny.”

Alex stared at the floor, anxiously chewing at her lip. Of all the awful things Matt had said, that was what had hurt her the most. She didn’t give a shit what he thought about her—but if there was even a chance that Kenny or Adam felt that way, like she’d manipulated them somehow… she wouldn’t be able to bear it.

“Okay, let me get this straight,” Trent said, pulling her out of her thoughts. “Matt violated bro code by shacking up with his friend’s ex-girlfriend—”

“Major violation,” Jim interjected.

“—and then when Adam retaliated, Matt barged in here and blamed you for it?”

“More or less,” Alex confirmed.

Trent stared back at her, stunned. And then he at looked Orange. “Jim, let’s go.”

He abruptly stood from his seat. Jim did the same, albeit much more lazily.

“What’re you doing?” Alex charged.

“Not letting Matt get away with being a complete fucking asshole to you,” Trent answered, and he went out the door, James right behind him. Alex jumped up and went after them.

“Trent, wait. I handled it!”

“I’m sure you did,” he returned. “And I’m gonna back you up.”

“I don’t need you to!”

“Well I’m gonna back up Adam then, how about that?”

Alex stopped, taken aback by his response. Pride swelled in her chest. Suddenly, she didn’t want to stop him anymore.

She hurried to catch up with them as they marched around the corner toward the Elite’s locker room—and she nearly froze again. Matt and Nick were approaching from the other end of the hall, and they both looked just as pissed as Trent.

“Perfect!” Trent proclaimed, throwing his hands in the air. “Just who I was looking for.”

Matt’s brow lowered. “Oh yeah? For what? Come to gloat about your dirty win?”

“Yikes,” Trent winced. “Someone sounds salty.”

“What do you want, Trent?” Nick shot.

“That’s a great question, Nick!” They all came to a stop as they met in the middle of the hall, Trent across from Matt, Jim across from Nick. Trent’s eyes narrowed down at Matt. “I would like to know why the hell your brother thinks Alex had anything to do with Hangman screwing you two over when he’s the one who’s trying to screw his ‘friend’s’ ex-girlfriend.”

Matt balked. “Excuse me?” He turned dark, hostile eyes on Alex. “Is that what you told him? That I’m trying to—”

“Don’t talk to her,” Trent firmly cut him off. “I asked you the question, so you fucking talk to me.”

Alex held her breath. Matt glared at Trent. “You don’t know what the fuck you’re talking about.”

“Really? Because the situation seems pretty obvious to me.”

“Yeah? Well then put two-and-two together, Trent,” Matt spat. “You want to talk about screwing? Alex here is fucking one half of the tag team champions, and the other half wants to fuck her. Oh, and the guys who won the gauntlet? She was fucking one of them, too. Probably still is, I honestly don’t know. So yeah, I think she had a hand in screwing us over. More than a hand, pr—”

He was abruptly cut off when Trent’s fist collided hard with his jaw. He dropped like a rock to the floor.

Alex let out a gasp and jumped back. Nick started for Trent, but Jim pushed him and sent him stumbling over his brother so that he had to catch himself against the wall. Matt blinked on the floor, dazed. Trent loomed over him, his hands balled into fists at his sides.

“That was for Adam, too. And if I ever hear Alex’s name in your mouth again, I’ll hold you down so she can punt you in the dick.”

He gave him one final threatening glare, and then he turned and took Alex’s hand. “Come on.”

He pulled her back down the hall. Jim didn’t immediately follow them. Instead, he held up his hands, stuck up both his middle fingers at Matt and Nick, and then turned and walked nonchalantly away.

Alex was in a state of shock as Trent led her around the corner. “Holy shit,” she breathed.

“Are you alright?” He stopped and looked down at her hand that he still held. “You’re shaking.”

“I’m okay. Just… shocked.” She let out a breath, “At this rate everyone on the roster is gonna get punched in the face because of me.”

“No, Matt got punched in the face because of Matt,” he corrected. “You didn’t do anything wrong.”

“I think you should’ve punted him in the dick then,” Jim added.

A grateful smile curled the corners of her lips. “Well, thank you. This time I’m not upset that someone got punched.”

Trent returned her grin and gave her hand a squeeze; but then he winced and pulled away. Alex frowned in concern.

“Is your hand alright?”

“I think so.” He flexed his fingers and looked at his knuckles. They were red and angry. “I should probably ice it, though. He’s got a hard fucking head.”

She smirked. “Well come on then, Rocky. Let’s get you some ice for that right jab.”

* * * * * * * * * *

Callie had left Daily’s Place immediately after the confrontation with Alex. There was no talking to Matt when he was that angry, and she didn’t want to be around Britt—not after learning that she’d blabbed about her staying with Matt in California. She just needed to be alone and decompress. So, she’d gone straight back to the hotel and ordered room service, including a bottle of sangria. She hadn’t had a drop of alcohol since flying out to Matt’s, and she needed it tonight. She’d already polished off half of it when her phone pinged with a text. It was Matt.

Hey, are you in your room?

She typed back. Yeah. Why? She hit “send” and took another sip of sangria as she felt her pulse start to pick up. She knew what his next text said before she read it.

Can I come over?

Callie bit her lip. Her fingers flew over the digital keyboard on her phone before her brain really knew what they were doing. Sure.

She set her phone on the bed and her glass on the nightstand and stood up to check her appearance in the mirror. She was dressed down in her pajamas and glasses, her hair thrown up in a messy ponytail. She tightened it as she leaned forward and checked her teeth, making sure there wasn’t anything in them; but then she stopped. Why was she bothering to look decent for Matt? He’d seen her at her most disheveled first thing in the morning back at his place. And besides—it was Matt. There wasn’t any reason to impress him.

Knock-knock-knock.

“Shit,” she cursed. She gave herself one last look over and opened the door. Matt stood on the other side in a black tank top and gray sweatpants, his hair up in a bun. But the first thing Callie noticed was his bruised and swollen lip.

“What happened?”

He rolled his eyes. “I pissed off one of Alex’s guard dogs.”

Her brow furrowed. That didn’t explain anything. “What? Come on, you should put some ice on that.”

She opened the door wider and beckoned him inside. He came in and sat down on the end of her bed while she got a washcloth from the bathroom and wrapped some of the ice she’d gotten for her sangria inside. She sat down next to him and gently pressed it to his lip.

“Does that hurt?” she asked.

His fingers grazed hers as he brought up a hand to hold the washcloth himself. He shook his head. “No. It’s really not that bad, he just hit me in the right spot.”

Callie pursed her lips. She had a feeling he was just trying to be macho in front of her. “And who’s ‘he’?”

“Trent.”

She arched her eyebrows expectantly, awaiting an explanation as to why Trent had punched him in the mouth. Matt let out an agitated breath and filled her in.

“Big surprise, Alex whined to him about me confronting her about Adam, so he and Orange came looking for me.” He shook his head. “He accused me of trying to get in your pants. But then I said some home truths about Alex and he didn’t like it, so…” he gestured to his lip.

Blood rushed to Callie’s head. “Trent accused you of trying to get in my pants?”

He nodded. “When he hit me he said it was for Adam, too. People can’t mind their own fucking business, apparently.”

Callie stared blankly at the carpet, the edges of her vision going blurry. She wasn’t stupid—she knew how it looked that she was staying with Matt. She’d known how it would look as soon as she’d bought the plane ticket. But she was starting to think that maybe she was stupid for telling herself that it was completely innocent. The way Matt had treated her the last few days, all the sweet little things he’d done for her… they weren’t the sort of things you did for someone who was just a friend.

“Callie.”

Matt grasped her hand in his. She looked up into his eyes, warm and brown. Her breath hitched in her throat. That wasn’t the way you looked at someone who was just a friend, either.

“You can talk to me,” he said. “I won’t shut off.”

Callie’s heart skipped a beat. She had to look away before she could speak. “This has just gotten so out of hand,” she breathed. “I didn’t want any of this to happen. I was just trying to do what was best for me, and now everyone thinks—”

“Who cares what everyone thinks,” he cut her off. “Fuck ‘em. Alex, Trent… even Adam.”

She frowned down into her lap. She pulled her hand from his and stood to get her glass of sangria from the nightstand, brought it to her lips and took a long drink. She sat back down next to him, a little further away that time.

“There’s actually something else I wanted to tell you,” he said.

She tensed. “What?” she asked, barely above a whisper. Worried what he was about to say.

But it wasn’t what she expected. “We kicked Adam out of the Elite.”

Her eyes widened in shock. “Because of what he did tonight?”

He nodded. “It needed to be done. Honestly, it was a long time coming.”

Callie stared back at him. There wasn’t any remorse in his eyes. And, surprisingly, she didn’t blame him. “You’re probably right,” she quietly admitted.

Matt’s brow furrowed. “I figured you’d be upset with me.”

“Well, I’m not happy,” she returned. “But I understand why you did it. After everything that happened tonight… it’s probably for the best.”

It pained her to say that. But it was the truth. Things had been… off between Adam and the rest of the Elite for a while now. Months, long before their relationship had started to fall apart. And truthfully, she hoped that tonight had been his rock bottom. She hoped now that he’d been officially cast out, he would stop trying so damn hard to needlessly prove himself to Matt and Nick and Kenny. She hoped that he’d find happiness. Because when it all boiled down, that was all she wanted for him.

“Well, I just wanted you to hear it from me,” Matt said, drawing her out of her thoughts. “I’ll let you get some rest. We’ve got an early flight tomorrow.”

He stood from the bed, but then Callie blurted out, “Actually, I’m going back to Virginia tomorrow.”

Matt froze, obviously caught off-guard. He opened his mouth, but she explained before he could ask. “My car is still at the airport in Raleigh. I need to get it, and the rest of my stuff from Adam’s place. And then… I’m driving to California. I’ve decided I’m moving back. Permanently.”

His eyebrows arched. “Are you sure?”

She nodded. “Yeah. I thought about Florida but… my family is in California. It’s just what makes the most sense right now.”

He nodded in understanding. “Do you want me to come with you? That’s a long drive to make by yourself.”

She gave a wry laugh. “I’d rather not do it alone, but you know it wouldn’t be a good idea for me to show up at Adam’s place with you.”

“I can wait somewhere else while you’re there,” he suggested.

Callie’s cheeks flushed. “I’ll be fine,” she insisted. She looked down into her glass and swirled around the nearly melted ice cubes, suddenly shy. She had a feeling he already knew what she was about to ask. “But um, would it be alright if I stayed with you a little while longer? While I look for a place?”

“Of course,” he said. “I meant it when I said you can stay with me as long as you want.”

She gave him a soft smile. “Thanks.”

She stood from the bed, set down her glass, and walked him to the door. And when he turned around and looked at her with those dark brown eyes in the dim light of the entryway, Callie suddenly had to fight not to ask him to stay. She knew better. It was too soon. It wouldn’t be right.

“What time’s your flight?” he asked.

“Early,” she answered.

“So… we can still catch an Uber to the airport together?”

She smiled again, wider that time. “Yeah, we can,” she nodded, and she pulled him into a hug. Matt wrapped his arms around her and drew her close, and she buried her face in his neck, breathing in his scent. He smelled like his hoodie that she’d pulled on the night she’d arrived at his place, comfortable and familiar. She wanted to sleep wrapped up in it like she had then.

But she couldn’t let herself. “Goodnight,” she said.

“Goodnight,” he echoed, lingering a second longer. And as he pulled away and went out the door, Callie knew that everyone else wasn’t wrong to be suspicious about Matt’s feelings for her. It was her who’d been wrong to lie to herself about them.

* * * * * * * * * *

Alex and the boys had left the arena as soon as they could. After the heartbreak of the gauntlet match and the chaos of the aftermath, they’d decided to grab some burgers, go back to the hotel, and just veg out in front of the TV for the rest of the evening. It was doing the trick; Alex felt a lot better now that she had a greasy bag full of Five Guys fries, even if she did have to share them with Trent.

“I still can’t believe I missed you drop Matt Jackson,” Chuck proclaimed as he bit into a french fry.

“Yeah, it was pretty bad-ass,” Trent casually stated as he sat next to Alex on her bed. “Alex was super turned on by it.”

Alex sputtered out a laugh. “What? I did not say that.”

“You didn’t have to,” he returned with a wink.

She pursed her lips and snatched the bag of fries from him. “You don’t get any more for that.”

“Someone sounds called out,” Jim remarked. Trent smirked. Alex glared at them both.

“You don’t think Matt will flex his EVP muscle, do you?” Chuck wondered. “Seems like something petty he’d do for getting knocked out like a little bitch.”

“I honestly don’t care if he does,” Trent said. “I’d punch him again given the chance.”

Alex bit her lip and reached for her drink, trying to ignore the blush that had suddenly colored her cheeks. But then there was a knock at the door.

“Someone’s at the door,” Jim announced.

Chuck sent him a flat look. “Thanks, Captain Obvious.” He started to get up, but Alex beat him to it.

“I’ll get it,” she said as she hopped off the bed. She had a feeling that whoever it was was there for her, anyway. Her suspicion was confirmed when she pulled open the door and found Kenny standing on the other side.

“Hey. Can I talk to you?”

There was a note of urgency in his voice. It worried her, but she nodded. “Yeah, sure.” She joined him in the hall and flipped the latch, pulling the door closed behind her. “Is something wrong?” she asked—but then her eyes widened in realization. “If this is about what happened with Matt and Trent—”

“It’s not about that,” Kenny quickly assured. “I only got Matt and Nick’s side of the story, but… from the sound of it I honestly can’t say I blame Trent for hitting him.”

“Oh.” Alex felt her face flush again. “Well, what’s it about, then?”

He seemed to tense at the question. It wasn’t a good sign. “Okay, I want to preface this by saying that I had absolutely nothing to do with it.”

Her brow furrowed. That definitely wasn’t a good sign. “Okay…” she returned, anxiety tightening her chest. She couldn’t have predicted what he said next.

“Matt and Nick kicked Adam out of the Elite.”

Her jaw slacked. “What? When?”

He shrugged a shoulder, uncertain. “Sometime after Matt yelled at you… and before Trent punched him.”

Alex swayed and fell back against the doorjamb. She looked up at Kenny, stunned and confused. “And you just let them?”

His shoulders slumped. “I had no idea they were gonna do it, Alex.”

“Well are you gonna do something about it?”

“What am I supposed to do? It’s done.”

“So?” she challenged. “Don’t you get a say in it? You’re his tag team partner! His friend! Aren’t you?”

“Yes! Of course I am, but…”

He trailed off. Alex’s eyes hardened. “But what?”

“But,” Kenny let out a sigh, ran a hand through his hair. “I think you know better than anyone that Adam hasn’t really been a part of the Elite for a while now. And after what he did tonight… it was the last straw.”

Alex felt sick to her stomach. She couldn’t believe what she was hearing. Earlier that night, when Matt had tried to place blame on her for Adam’s actions, it had seemed like Kenny was on her side. But now, it didn’t seem that way at all. He didn’t seem upset that Adam had been kicked out of the Elite. He was only upset that it had come to this for it to finally happen.

“That’s not an excuse to kick him while he’s down,” she bit. “What’re you all gonna do next, literally stab him in the back?”

Kenny’s eyebrows arched. “He stabbed Matt and Nick in the back!”

“Because Matt is clearly trying to move in on Callie!”

“Come on, you don’t know that,” he breathed. “Matt and Callie were friends way before she ever met Adam.”

“What?” She nearly jumped she was so frustrated with him. “What happened to ‘no wonder Hangman threw the match’? What’s changed in the last three hours?”

“Nothing’s changed! But just because I think Matt’s in the wrong doesn’t mean that I agree with what Adam did! I don’t! At all!”

Alex crossed her arms and shook her head, looking away from him. She was at a complete and utter loss of what to say, what to even think. The entire situation was a massive train wreck, and she couldn’t make heads or tails of it.

“Alex,” Kenny gently gripped her arms. “Look at me.”

She glared up at him. He frowned.

“Let’s not fight about this. Like you said, Adam’s still my tag team partner. We’ll work it out. Okay?”

Her stubborn glare didn’t leave her face. “Have you even tried to talk to him?”

His frown deepened. “I went to his room, but he wasn’t there. He’s not answering my texts, either.”

Alex’s head fell back against the doorway, tired. She was so tired of this. Once again, it seemed that she would have to be the one to try to pull Adam out of his doldrums. “I’m gonna go find him. I bet I know exactly where he is.”

She turned to go back inside, but Kenny pulled her back. His brow furrowed with concern. “This isn’t your mess to clean up.”

Alex frowned up at him. He didn’t know what Adam had admitted to her, how messy things had become. And she didn’t have the heart to tell him. So she just said, “I feel like it is,” and pushed her way back into her hotel room, her stomach in knots.

* * * * * * * * * *

When Alex had gone back inside and told the boys that Adam had been kicked out of the Elite, they’d obviously wanted more details. But she’d hastily said that she’d explain later, pulled on her Chucks, and hurried right back out. Part of her hoped she was wrong about knowing exactly where he was, but she wasn’t. He was right where she’d expected to find him, sitting at a booth in the hotel bar, his ubiquitous glass of whiskey in front of him. She hesitated, suddenly nervous to go talk to him; but he looked up and spotted her. There was no abandoning him now.

She resolved herself and walked toward him, trying to think of what to say first—but anything she might have said abruptly flew out of her head. He wasn’t alone in the booth. Cash and Dax were with him.

“Oh. Hi,” she awkwardly greeted.

“Hey,” Cash returned, sitting up straighter. Alex fidgeted, suddenly self-conscious in her t-shirt and joggers. At least she hadn’t thrown her hair up in a bun yet.

“Let me guess,” Adam breathed, drawing her attention. “Kenny told you.”

He didn’t need to clarify what he meant. She nodded. “Yeah. He just came to my room and told me. I came straight here.” She specifically said that so Cash would know that she hadn’t been with Kenny. She wanted him to know that. “Can I sit?” she asked, motioning to the empty spot next to Adam.

He nodded. She slid into the booth, keeping her arms tucked into herself. The tension in the air was palpable. Dax cleared his throat.

“I hope there’s no hard feelings about us beating your boys in the gauntlet tonight,” he said to her. “It’s just business.”

Alex’s eyes darted to Cash. She wondered if he’d mentioned to Dax that she’d wished them good luck. “I know,” she returned. “You could’ve gone easier on Chuck’s knee, though.”

He smirked. “He’s tough. He’ll be alright.”

She just pursed her lips.

“So what did Kenny tell you?” Adam asked.

Alex’s brow furrowed. “Um, that Matt and Nick kicked you out of the Elite. He said he had nothing to do with it.”

Dax scoffed. “Yeah, right.”

Alex bit down on her jaw. She had half a mind to ask Dax if he’d had anything to do with Adam screwing over Matt and Nick during the gauntlet. But there was no point in opening up that can of worms now. The damage was done.

“Maybe he didn’t have anything to do with it,” Adam said. “But I’m sure he doesn’t give two shits now that it’s done.”

Alex frowned as she watched him take a drink. She didn’t want to admit to him that she felt the exact same way.

“Forget about them,” Cash said. “They’ve proven time and time again that they’re not your friends, man. Especially Matt. You’re better off not being in their superficial little club.”

Alex shifted in her seat. She didn’t miss the glaring irony in the fact that FTR, the number one contenders to the AEW World Tag Team Championship, were sitting across from one half of the reigning tag team champions and implying that he couldn’t trust his partner, just over a week out from the night they would challenge for the titles. She wondered if Cash was being genuine… or if he was just trying to sow more seeds of discontent between Adam and Kenny. She hated that she wondered.

“Speaking of Matt Jackson,” Dax spoke up. “I saw him sporting a pretty nasty cut on his lip when we left the arena. You know anything about that, Alex?”

He stared at her over the rim of his glass as he took a sip. Alex’s eyes narrowed. He was being awfully chatty. “Yeah, I do,” she confirmed. “Trent punched him.”

“What?” Adam asked. “Why? When?”

She let out a long sigh. “Well, after the Bucks’ match against Chuck and Trent, Matt burst into our locker room and started screaming at me about how I must have had something to do with what you did.”

“What?” Adam repeated; but Alex held up a hand. She wasn’t done.

“I told the guys and they didn’t like it, so Trent and Jim went looking for Matt. They found him and Nick, and when Trent asked Matt what the hell his deal was, he basically suggested that I’m a manipulative slut, so Trent pun—”

“He suggested what?” Cash interjected.

Alex blinked, surprised by the heatedness of his tone. Her cheeks colored. “He brought up how I was… involved with people in the gauntlet match,” she said, trying to put it as delicately as possible. “And according to him, that gave me all the incentive in the world to screw them over.”

She looked down, embarrassed, wishing she hadn’t said anything at all. She didn’t want to admit it, but Matt’s words had gotten to her, worked their way into her psyche. She’d started to think that maybe the implication behind them was true. Slut.

“What a fucking asshole,” Adam breathed.          

Cash shook his head. Alex looked back up at him. His eyes were dark with anger. “He deserved to get hit for that.”

Her stomach fluttered, hearing how angry he was. Hearing how protective he was being. She tried not to think too much of it. “Well, Trent knocked him out, so. Yeah.”

Dax laughed to himself. “Good on Trent.”

Alex anxiously chewed her lip. She was debating whether to stay or go. On the one hand, she wanted to make sure Adam was okay. But on the other, she couldn’t bear to sit there a second longer. At least he’s not alone, she reasoned. And with that thought, she decided to go.

“Well, I just wanted to check on you. But I’ll leave y’all to it.”

She hastily scooted out of the booth, but Adam spoke up before she could bolt. “Hey, um. Callie texted me to say she’s coming to the house tomorrow to get the last of her stuff.” He paused, looked down into his drink. “I just wanted to let you know.”

Alex stared back at him, unsure what to say. She wasn’t sure why he’d told her that. She didn’t want to think about it. “Oh. Well, maybe it’ll be like ripping off a band-aid.”

She winced. That was a terrible response. But his expression remained blank. “Maybe.”

She hesitated, feeling bad for leaving now. But she couldn’t stay. So she looked at Cash, said, “Well, goodnight,” and hurried out of the bar.

* * * * * * * * * *

As Callie had boarded her flight the next morning, she couldn’t help but wish that she’d taken Matt up on his offer to come with her. He’d suggested it again on the Uber ride to the airport, and yet again as they’d stood in line to check in for their flights, when it was definitely too late to do anything about it. And as they’d said goodbye in the terminal, hugging far too long and far too tight for two people who were just friends, he’d asked her to please let him know as soon as she was on the road and to keep him updated every few hours. She’d told him of course she would. It had been hard to let him go; harder than she’d wanted to admit. And now, as she drove her car back to Adam’s, all she could think about was how little she was looking forward to making that cross-country trip all by herself.

Adam had taken a later flight than her, so he wasn’t home yet when she arrived at the house a little before noon; and honestly, she was grateful for it. Maybe she’d be in and out before he even got back. She knew it would be cold of her to do that, just disappear without a trace. But she wasn’t sure she had the nerve to face him. Not now, after she’d realized that everyone’s assumptions about her and Matt weren’t so wrong, after all.

But she tried to just focus on the task at hand as she moved around the house, filling up boxes that she’d bought on the drive there and taping them shut, taking them out to the car as soon as she did. And the more she worked, the more she realized that, aside from her clothes and personal items, there really wasn’t all that much there that was really hers. She tried to chalk it up to the fact that she’d lived there less than six months, but deep down she wondered if it was something else. Maybe this house had just never really felt like home, even when things had been good between them.

She was making one last sweep of the entire place when she heard the front door open. Her heart sank into her stomach. She’d been so close.

He found her in the den, looking at pictures that she didn’t intend to take with her. His eyes were turned down and sad, like they always were these days.

“Hey,” he said.

“Hey,” she returned. “I was actually just finishing up. I had less to pack than I thought.”

He didn’t say anything in response, just nodded with a tight-lipped smile. It only made her want to leave that much quicker.

She moved past him, head down, and hurried back up to the bedroom to do one final check. Her nose burned, but she willed the tears to stay put as she hastily opened drawers and made sure she hadn’t forgotten anything. But the more drawers and corners she checked, the more she just wanted to leave. She didn’t feel comfortable there anymore.  

She went back downstairs and into the kitchen. Adam stood next to the island. She grabbed her purse and slung it over her shoulder. He started when she moved to pick up her last box.

“Do you need help?”

“No, I got it,” she said, a little too curtly. She felt bad about it and added, “Thanks, though.”

Even still, Adam opened the door for her. Callie didn’t look at him as she walked out and down the steps to her car. He followed her out. She put the box in the backseat and turned around to face him. His eyes were so blue in the afternoon sun.

“So this is really it?” he asked.

Her nose burned again. She nodded. “It is.”

He nodded and looked away. When he looked back, his eyes were glassy. “Can I just ask… why Matt?”

A tear fell and she stubbornly wiped it away. “He’s just close to home, and I have nowhere else to go. That’s it,” she said, trying her hardest to believe her own lie. Adam looked away again. It was obvious that he didn’t believe it, either.

“I really do love you, Cal,” he said. “I’m sorry it wasn’t enough.”

Callie bit down on her jaw. But there was no stopping the next words that came out of her mouth. “It wasn’t enough because I’m not the only person you love, Adam.”

He didn’t react; she didn’t give him time to. She opened her driver’s side door, climbed behind the wheel, and shut the door on him. And as she started the car and pulled out of his driveway for the last time, his reflection grew blurry in the rearview mirror, smaller and smaller, until he was gone.

* * * * * * * * * *

Alex had to text Adam to check on him. The current weirdness lingering between them didn’t change the fact that he was one of her best friends; it didn’t change that she cared about him. He’d been on her mind all day, knowing what he was going through, knowing what was happening just two hours away. As his friend, she couldn’t in good conscience not check on him.

What she didn’t have to do, however, was ask him if he wanted company. Just for a drink or two, so he wouldn’t have to do it alone. But she did. She didn’t have to make sure she liked the way she looked before she left. But she did. She didn’t have to pick up his favorite pizza and beer on the way over. But she did. And she didn’t have to stay long after the pizza had gone and the sun had slipped beneath the horizon. But she did.

“So she really took everything?”

They sat on opposite ends of the patio couch. Her body was angled toward him, her legs crossed underneath her. He stared blankly into the fire, his legs spread wide, one arm resting on the back of the couch, the other holding his beer.

“Not everything,” he revealed. “She bought the bedspread that’s on the bed right now. I guess she didn’t care to take it.”

There was a thoughtful pause. And then Alex said, “So… should we burn it?”

A corner of his mouth quirked up as he looked at her. “The bedspread?”

“Yeah.”

He shook his head and looked back into the flames. “No. I like it.” And then his smirk disappeared, leaving her to wonder if she’d even seen it at all.

They returned to silence. She took another drink and checked the time on her phone. It was almost ten o’clock. She was on her third beer. She should really stop drinking and leave before she couldn’t anymore.

“She took her key, though.”

She looked back up at him, confused. “Like, she didn’t give you back her house key?”

“Nope. Not unless she left it somewhere I haven’t looked. But I don’t think she did.”

Alex frowned. “Do you think she just forgot?”

“I don’t know,” he returned. “I don’t care.”

She started to tell him he didn’t mean that, but he downed the rest of his beer and stood to get another before she could. When he came back, he sat down closer to her than he’d been before.

“Thank you for coming over,” he said. “You really didn’t have to.”

“Yes I did. You would have done the same for me.”

“Would I?”

She pursed her lips. “Yes. You drove to my house in a panic because I didn’t answer your texts when I was in Philly.”

She bit her lip, suddenly nervous. Back when he’d done that, she hadn’t thought much of it. But knowing what she knew now… it came across in a whole new light. Sort of the way Adam did right now, his hair in a bun and his glasses on. She studied his profile, the way the light from the fire danced shadows across his face. She’d known he was good-looking—she wasn’t blind—but she hadn’t thought about it in years.

She was thinking about it now.

“I was surprised when you asked if I wanted company.”

Alex’s brow furrowed. “Why?”

“Because,” he said. “You’ve been keeping your distance ever since last Saturday.”

He didn’t need to say anything more; she knew exactly what he meant. Last Saturday, at the bar with the guys, when he’d told her in the most roundabout way possible that he had feelings for her. And she trusted that he knew exactly what she meant when she replied, “It’s too much right now, Adam.”

He nodded, somber. “I know.”

Alex glanced down at the beer bottle in her hands, her chest tightening. That was her cue. Like the other night at the hotel bar, she just couldn’t stay anymore.

“It’s getting late, I should go.”

She uncrossed her legs and started to get up—but Adam caught her wrist. “Come on, you can’t drive back now.”

“I’ll be fine.”

“How many have you had?”

“Not even three.”

“That’s past your limit.”

“Adam—”

“Alex,” he gently urged. “I don’t want you driving two hours back home. Please just stay here tonight.”

Alex pressed her lips together. Maybe it was the firm but caring grip of his fingers around her wrist. Maybe it was the look of pleading concern on his face. Or maybe it was just that she knew he was right. It would be better to stay.

“Okay,” she agreed. “But I’m gonna turn in now.”

He nodded. “That’s fine. I just don’t want you to go.”

She gave him a tight smile, and his hand fell away from her as she stood and went back into the house, straight into the guest room. She expelled a breath she hadn’t realized she’d been holding as she turned on the light and closed the door, pressing her forehead against the cool surface. She needed to calm down; she was being stupid right now. She was just staying the night in Adam’s guest room because she shouldn’t risk driving home. She’d done that plenty of times before.

But it’s different this time.

She let out another breath. It was different this time. But she would just pretend it wasn’t.  

She moved over to the bed and sunk down onto the mattress. She toed off her shoes, and then she realized that she didn’t have anything she needed to stay the night. No toothbrush or toothpaste. No lens solution or case to take out her contacts. Nothing to sleep in. And she did not want to sleep in her underwear.

She crossed the room and opened the door—and came face-to-face with Adam.

“Jesus,” she breathed. “You scared me.”

“Sorry,” he apologized. He held up a dark blue t-shirt. “I figured you needed something to sleep in.”

She gave him a surprised grin. “I was literally coming to ask you for that.”

He returned the smile and handed her the shirt. It was soft and worn. She imagined it would smell like him when she put it on.

Stop.

“I’d give you sweats or something, but they’d all be way too big,” he said.

“The shirt is fine,” she assured. “Thanks.”

He nodded. “I uh, also figured you’d want to take out your contacts, so…” he held up a contact case and an unopened bottle of lens solution that he’d had in his other hand. “It’s from a new box, so I haven’t used it, or anything.”

Alex stared at the case and bottle for a second before she took them from his outstretched hand. It was such a small gesture, but the fact that he’d even thought of it at all… it made her stomach flutter. And she couldn’t ignore it.

“Thanks, Adam.”

He nodded again. “Yeah.”

She looked down at the things in her hands, rocking back awkwardly on her heels. It felt like she should say something, but she had no idea what.

Adam cleared his throat and she looked back up at him. “Well, if you need anything else, I’ll probably be up for a while longer. And you know where my bedroom is.”

She nodded and looked away again. “Mhm,” she returned, trying not to read too much into his choice of words. It didn’t mean anything. He was just being a good host—a good friend.

“Goodnight, Alex.”

She met his gaze. Genuine, warm… but also undeniably sad. “Goodnight,” she returned.

He gave her a final tight smile and she closed the door. Alex tossed the shirt on the bed and set the lens solution and contact case on the nightstand. She unbuttoned and unzipped her jeans, peeled them from her legs and kicked them away from her feet. She pulled her shirt over her head and threw it on top of her jeans, unhooked her bra and cast it aside. Then she grabbed Adam’s shirt and slipped it on. It was comfortable and soft against her skin. And it smelled like him.

* * * * * * * * * *

When Callie saw the “Welcome to California” sign as she crossed the state line from Arizona early Monday afternoon, she could have cried. She’d been driving for the last three days straight, pushing herself to go for as long as possible and stopping only when she needed gas, to use the bathroom, or sleep, staying at cheap hotels in Memphis on Friday night, Amarillo on Saturday, and Flagstaff on Sunday. She couldn’t believe she’d done it; she was proud of herself. Now, there were just three-and-a-half hours left to go. She pressed the gas pedal harder, the thought of seeing Matt again driving her forward.

He’d gotten her through the entire trip. Him and caffeine—but mostly him. He’d texted her every few hours to make sure she was alright. She’d FaceTimed him every night as she’d crawled into bed, secretly wishing he was with her. And with each morning that she woke up and got back on the road, she’d grown more and more eager to get back to him.

Those last three-and-a-half hours flew by. She’d texted him when she was about thirty minutes out, to give him some warning. But when she pulled into his driveway and cut the engine, she didn’t give any warning at all. She jumped out of the car, ran to his front door, and rang the doorbell, her heart hammering in her chest. And when he answered, a sight for sore eyes, she could have cried again.

He smiled. “It’s about—”

But she didn’t cry. She kissed him.

It stunned Matt. But not for long. He wrapped his arms around her back and drew her closer, parted her lips with his tongue, hungrily deepening the kiss. They were both breathless when they broke apart.

He smirked. “As I was saying, it’s about time.”

She playfully rolled her eyes. “Don’t.”

He kissed her again, short and sweet. “Are you hungry?” he asked.

She nodded. “Starving. But can we order in? I really don’t want to get back in a car right now.”

He smiled. “Whatever you want,” he said. And as he took her hand and led her inside, Callie finally felt like she could breathe.

[iasmelaion]

Falcon and Winter Soldier 1x05

So that was my favorite episode so far!! :DDD

Oof, that fight with Walker. It was just kind of grim and miserable to me tbh, and I very nearly fast-forwarded through it. There’s probably something to be said about how Walker makes Sam and Bucky wrest the shield from him by force: something something white privilege doesn’t relinquish its power easily, but it was by far the least interesting part of the episode. Sam’s face though as he tried to wipe the blood off the shield :(

Also ISAIAH. That scene hurt. Isaiah did the EXACT SAME THING Steve did, only he didn’t get made Captain America and handled an elite commando squad for it, he got sent to prison :( Isaiah’s whole story parallels both Steve’s and Bucky’s, like he got all the same heroism Steve had, but got no reward for it other than all the suffering Bucky had. And of course that’s inextricable from the way this country treats Black men. Isaiah’s bitterness is understandable, but so too is Sam’s desire to see it made right, however it can be. Sam can’t help Isaiah now, but he can try to redeem the shield.

Bucky finding Zemo and showily NOT killing him, lol Bucky, you drama queen. Nice of Zemo to be like “oh, I don’t want to kill you” I guess! Also re Zemo being on Bucky’s list and lol Zemo crossing himself off: I don’t think this was amends so much for Bucky, other than how obviously catching Zemo again is making amends to Ayo, but it’s more of a tying up a loose thread thing for Bucky.

Also after all that Ayo and Bucky drama I was delighted that she was more or less like “we’re good” this week lololol. Still like “maybe steer clear of Wakanda for a bit” but then she called him White Wolf again and seemed happy enough. I’m very relieved because I was weirdly stressed about this dangling out there without resolution. I need to know SO MUCH MORE about this relationship though!!! Idk that I ship it, but in like four scenes we’ve gotten so much possibility!

SAM AND BUCKY :DDDDDDD lol FINALLY they talked! In addition to still being all about the gestures, I SEE YOU, BUCKY, WITH YOUR ACTS OF SERVICE LOVE LANGUAGE :DDDDDDD Working on the boat together (MY SHIP ON A SHIP LOLOLOL)! Bucky bring Sam a new pair of wings! Bucky staying at Sam and Sarah’s! Bucky and Sarah low-key flirting while Sam is >:( about it :DDDDDD And FINALLY they used their words!!!! I’m so happy ;______; there was such warmth in their rapport this episode, and I loved their banter about not being coworkers or a team, but just a couple of guys :DDD like, it could’ve sounded grumpy, but in context, it was so much just them shooting the shit, I loved it.

Loved too that Bucky apologized, though this presents the somewhat hilarious timeline of Bucky basically storming off after they get Walker, going after Zemo, making up with Ayo, presumably having a nice long think and time to cool off, then being like “oh okay, I have Fucked Up, time to make it right,” and then he proceeds to do so in EXCESSIVE fashion. Oh and nice to get confirmation that Steve didn’t just fuck off to another timeline without talking to Bucky about it.

Also perfect: Sam asking Bucky if he’s ready for some tough love and Bucky being like, sure, and then Sam proceeding to be 100000% more helpful than Bucky’s therapist. I liked that a) Sam engaged Bucky on his own terms, he didn’t tell Bucky to stop with the amends making or that he didn’t have to do it, he just cut to the heart of why Bucky was doing it and offered him an alternative way to go about it that would make him and everyone involved less miserable. (ACTS OF SERVICE, again, both from Sam and in what Sam’s telling Bucky to do.) And thank you to Sam for pointing out to Bucky that Bucky’s been letting other people define him. I wanted more on that score, especially in the confrontation with Zemo, but at least it gets called out here.

Another very important thing to me: BUCKY SMILED. MULTIPLE TIMES. PLEASE CONTINUE TO BRING ME THIS BUCKY BARNES BEING REASONABLY HAPPY ENERGY THROUGH THE LAST EPISODE PLEASE AND THANK YOU.

All the Sam and Sarah scenes were SO GOOD too. They have such good sibling chemistry, and I love seeing how Sarah is just as kind and good as Sam is, if in a different way.

Oh wait, I almost forgot: lol so is Sharon the Power Broker, or is she playing a deeper game? Or is she in fact straight up just trying to KILL Sam now??? lololol what a character twist. It’s so wild I’m not even mad about it.