#these are from last night when i was feelin it thats why all i have is sad shit

[amethyst-halo]

ough

[elliespeach]

the air that i breathe | ellie williams

˗ˏˋ "because i can make it quick, or i could make it so much worse." ´ˎ˗

synopsis: a camping trip you and ellie embark on takes a devastating turn. with you in the hands of raiders ellie's sanity is brought to her breaking point and she will stop at nohting to get you back. wordcount: 8.3k + warnings: 18+ ellie n readers headspace is very dark!! depression, panic attacks, horrible desperation, and lots of trauma responses that are vividly described. graphic depictions of violence, kidnapping, reader is confined in a cell by chains, food/water deprivation, hallucinations, torture (reader by raiders, ellie to the raiders) ellie is basically santa barabra ellie but multiply it by thirty n reader is like trapped in the dark so i think that counts as claustrophobia. this fic can b very triggering so pls take the tags seriously!! different povs (ellie n reader) they are seperated for most of this fic, theres some fluff in their dreams but thats truly as soft as it gets author note: pls pls read me!! this story came to me randomly, its not a traditional fic in my eyes but i hope u guys like it nonetheless!! the name comes from the show bridgerton, one of violets lines towards her husband and i was like THAT is true love so here we are :) theres a lot of in game elements to this story on ellie's part so i hope i did that justice :)) i'm a lil nervous to post this im ngl so pls be kind and lmk if yall like it plsssss i beg of u i wanna make this a multi part fic esp w the way it ends so any feedback will be appreciated!! ily guys enjoy

ellie’s pov 

– three days after the kidnapping

the first thing ellie hears is the low, familiar voices of joel and tommy. as their mumbled conversation rings through her ears, her head throbs. a groan escapes her lips, bringing her hand up weakly to rub it as if it would help. ellie opened her eyes slowly, the pain intensifying from the sun shining through the windows. her vision came to focus, looking around it was the infirmary in jackson. she was laid down in one of the beds and when her eyes landed on joel and tommy, they looked at her sympathetically. 

joel took small steps toward her, barely able to make eye contact. “how ya feelin’ kiddo?” he asked, painfully sitting himself down at the end of her bed. ellie wasn’t able to read him clearly, and then she started thinking. why am i in this bed? her mind raced and it must’ve been obvious to her company because joel spoke again. “it’s gonna be okay.” 

she frantically searched through her foggy mind, everything was so blurry and out of order. she thought of you. the only thing that came to the front of her mind with ease. the camping trip, she thought to herself. she saw you in her head, all bundled up in the sleeping bag and wearing ellie’s shirt. her lips began to curl at the ends before she realized you weren’t here by her bedside. she remembers leaving the tent that night, for what reason she doesn’t know, but you stayed behind, cuddled up in the sleeping bag.

thats when– your scream. it echoed in her head, taunting her. the quiet forest that surrounded the two of you amplified your terrified scream and ellie’s face grimaced at the memory. she knows she ran to you, why was i so far away from you? her brain was waking up and with it, horrible images flashed in front of her. the tent that had been cut open, the rusty old pick-up truck, the men that had you in their grasp, the last glance ellie had of you before the bud of a gun was slammed into her head. it all came flooding back in an instant. 

ellie looked up at joel, tears brimming over her eyes. she spoke in a low voice, but despite the tears that fought to fall, her tone was flat. “where is she?” 

joel was quick to answer, “we’ve been tracking them–” 

“how long have i been out?” she boomed, trying to sit up but her brain pounded against her skull, forcing her back down in the bed. joel moved up, sitting closer to her but couldn’t find the words, his heart ached for ellie. he looked to tommy with a solemn expression, and his little brother stepped forward. 

“it’s been three days, ellie,” tommy vocalized softly. “we’re doin’ all we can, i promise.” 

“obviously it’s not fucking enough!” ellie shouted, pinching the bridge of her nose and shutting her eyes tight. you came to mind when she did, usually she pictures you happily; picking a flower and tucking in her hair, taking a nap on ellie’s couch with your head in her lap, posing while she drew you. you were the spitting image of innocence in her mind. but as her eyes shut now, all she could see was the absolutely heart-wrenching image of your face as you were thrown into the truck. 

her eyes opened almost immediately, unable to see it even for a second longer. her cheeks became wet as the tears poured out of her, her breathing became erratic and she clutched her chest. joel was quick to comfort her but it only did so little. “we-we have to fi-find her,” ellie managed to speak through panicked breaths, feeling her chest about to burst. 

the pain in her head was nothing compared to this, and it almost felt non-existent in the face of you being gone. being with them. whoever they are, whatever they want with you. they should have taken me. it should have been me. it should have been me. it should hav–

“ellie, breath–” joel cooed next to her, rubbing her back and removing her from her thoughts. “we’ll find her.” 

“i’m co-coming with you,” her chest was still heaving and she felt like she’d never breathe right again. not until you were standing next to her. 

tommy sighed, barely audible over ellie’s apparent panic-attack. “you’re on bed rest, kid. i’m sorry. but we will bring her back to you.” 

his words felt like daggers and she was quick to respond. “if you think for one sec–” 

“it’s not up for discussion, ellie.” joel interjected, his voice was soft but stern. and ellie scoffed through the tears, looking at joel harshly. 

before ellie could spew a rant to him, tommy spoke, “we think they’re on the border of utah. were going tomorrow at first light and when we come back she will too. okay?” 

ellie’s thoughts were a jumbled mess, and as her breathing became somewhat normal she was able to think. play it cool. “o-okay,” let them think i won’t go anywhere. “my head r-really hurts. gonna sleep for now,” she mumbled, pulling the blanket up and over her head. she laid with her back turned to them and she felt the bed move beside her. joel and tommy mumbled another string of words to each other before ellie heard the door creek open. 

“rest up, kiddo. she’s gonna be okay.” joel said to her sympathetically and ellie remained quiet under her covers, plotting her escape. 

she slept for another few hours. she knew she had to wait until night time anyway, there was no use in staying awake and plaguing her thoughts with what is happening to you. but as she slept her mind played horrible tricks on her, she dreamt of saving you that night. brutally slaying the men who had dared to even think about touching you, their blood stained her dreams but at the end of it you were in her arms. 

when she woke up alone, her reality came crashing back down. it forced her to sit up, ignoring her head that was killing her slowly. there was no night time infirmary nurse and she knew now was her only opportunity to sneak away. the clock on the pale blue walls read one in the morning, jackson was asleep. the only people she would need to avoid were night patrols, and the guards around the armory. 

she hauled herself out of bed, her feet dragging on the cold floor and she located her bag. her clothes from the camping trip were tucked inside and she quickly changed. ellie tried to picture the men’s faces, and all that came to her were figures whisking you away. she decided it was best to not think about it, but it was a lot easier said than done and she found herself shaking her head frequently to rid the images from her mind. 

slipping out of the infirmary was easy, a small house on the corner of a dead end street. the streetlamps had been turned off by now, saving power and ellie easily made her way towards the armory. she approached in a crouch, hiding behind a bush in the shadows. she watched as the guards were laughing, telling stories and all around not paying attention. the armory was a larger building near the stables, the guards were circled around a makeshift booth at the front.

sneaking to the side of the building she tugged open a window and crawled inside. she loaded herself with her usual rifle that she took on patrols. taking it down from the wall she stared at it for too long, remembering the day she taught you how to shoot.

“all you have to do is point, aim and–” 

“if you say point, aim and fire one more time.” you laughed at her, your attention shifting between the gun and ellie. 

“i’m just trying to help you, pumpkin.” 

instead of making her feel soft and warm, the memory made her go cold. she couldn’t place you, your face was a cloudy mess in her mind but your voice rang true. her eyes glossed over, hearing your laugh in her head and all she could think of what she would do to these people once she found them. in a haze she stuffed supplies in her bag, a surplus of ammo for her rifle and pistol and then some. she removed her switchblade from her bag and put it in her back pocket for easy access, throwing a trench knife into the backpack just in case. 

she was almost back of out the window she came in when she realized the trip was going to be long, and she had no food in her bag whatsoever. sighing, she looked around. the left over food from the guards littered the small counter to the side of the room. sandwiches and nuts and ellie figured it would have to do and before long she was sneaking to her usual spot in the fence. 

the walk to it was familiar, she had done it with you a thousand times. it was a loose panel of wood that to the unknowing eye would be a secured fence, but with a gentle tug, it gave way. ellie and you had discovered it one day, and it quickly became your get-a-way whenever one of you wanted to escape the confines of the walls. there was a small over-look just beyond the wall, about a ten minute walk from jackson. ellie had drawn you there with the landscape behind you, the picture is hanging on the wall in her garage and she cherishes it like it was gold. 

she pictured you there, trying to remember how peaceful you were to her. like the calm in the storm that was her life. all she could conjure was that night so she dropped it and viciously bit her cheeks with frustration. ellie came to the broken piece of wood, taking a quick look around before pushing it and then herself through the gap. the forest beyond was still and quiet. peaceful almost. putting the board back in place, she turned and headed for the highway. 

readers pov

– day of the kidnapping

the last you saw ellie she was falling to the ground as she came up to your campsite. the man who had been hiding behind the tree knocked her out with a swift blow to the head. you cried out, thrashing in the hands of the man who had lifted you from the ground. “fucking let go of me!” you shouted as your world tumbled around you, you fell into the bed of the truck with a hard smack, pain shot up your spine and you groaned, rolling over. 

the man jumped up onto the back of the truck, making it wobble with his weight. you crawled backwards instinctively, your eyes darting from him and your motionless girlfriend on the ground yards away. your stomach turned as he pulled his fist back and there was nothing you could do before he brought it down heavily onto your skull and everything went black. 

while unconscious, your mind brought you back to ellie’s room. her stereo playing softly as you sat on her bed, watching her read the same book she always did. her eyes scanned the pages as if she had never seen it before. she was laying on her stomach, legs dangling over the side of the bed as she flipped the pages. it was a book about the constellations in the sky and every so often she would show you a page and say it reminded her of you. “this one–” she showed you, a cheeky smile on her face as she turned the book towards you. 

“that just looks like lines, els.” you chuckled at her while you examined the page. you never understood her when she spoke about space, but you liked to hear her ramble. her voice was so comforting to you and it always brought you back down to earth. 

“no, no, pumpkin, look–” she pointed with her fingers on the page, outlining the stars. “its cassiopeia on her throne. d’ya see it?” her soft green eyes met yours, a hopeful look in them. 

you didn’t see it, you just saw lines on a page but ellie’s enthusiasm poured through her and who were you to deny her of it. “yeah, i see it,” you lied, getting closer to get a better look hoping it will just come to you. “why do you say that?” 

“dunno,” she shrugged, looking back to the page. “but it says here she was a queen, so i think that’s why.” 

her words always left you feeling like the most special person, and to ellie you were. you playfully hit her with a pillow, causing a mildly loud “ow!” from her. 

“you’re so fucking cheesy,” you smiled, hitting her again with the pillow. as you brought it down on her she grabbed it. ellie moved quickly and sat on her knees as she struggled to take the pillow from you. she looked down at you, back against the bed and giggling so sweetly. she was able to snatch the pillow, throwing it to the side and leaning down to press a kiss to your forehead. 

“you love it, shut up.” her words bounced off your face and she pulled her face down to be directly in front of yours. her eyes stared into yours and you could see just how much she loved you on full display within her green eyes. she leaned in to kiss you and as her lips brushed against yours, the world around you melted away. 

you felt cold and you could swear your eyes were open but you couldn’t see anything. you felt around, the ground beneath you was solid and ragged and as you moved you heard the clanking of chains. moving your hands down your legs you sensed the frigid metal that encased your ankle, following the chain with your hands to a bolt in the wall. 

the walls had the same texture as the floor and you began to panic. you recounted the last memory you had, ellie laying on the ground. the man punching you in the face. reaching up to touch your sensitive skin, a sharp pain came from your cheek and you gasped. incoherent curses came stringing out of your mouth that quickly turned to yelling. you shouted for ellie, her name bounced off of the walls around you and with every call unanswered the hope inside you diminished. the darkness was over-bearing and you were forced to picture every horrible thing these people could do to you simply just because they could. your voice, that was still begging for ellie, became hoarse. a lump settled in your throat from wailing and you felt sick to your stomach.

you knew none of this was helpful. the screaming, the wailing, but you couldn’t help it. the emotions poured out of you until there was nothing left, ellie could be dead and you were locked up god knows where. you hadn’t even begun to think of why they had taken you, your head was too jambled to think straight. and after what seemed like hours in the black void of your cell, a dim light flickered on and came peeking beneath a door you didn’t even know was there. it illuminated the room just enough to see that cement encased you behind the metal door. 

with a click of a lock the door opened and the sudden light hitting your eyes made you jump, shielding your face with your hands. you heard footsteps approach you slowly but stop a few feet away. a cold hand came up to your forearm and you swung, trying to keep whoever this was away from you at all costs. but their cold hands grasped your arms, forcing you to look upon them. the dim overhead light in the next room outlined the man in front of you, you couldn’t make out a face but he was brutish, and he smelled like a campfire. 

“don’t bite the hand that feeds you!” the man growled, the taunting in his voice was sinister.  

you used all the energy you could to spit in his face and he recoiled, letting go of your arms to wipe his face and he took a step back. “fuck you!” you snarled, spit leaving your mouth with the anger that boiled inside of you. 

he chuckled as he wiped the remaining spit from his face, “we could have killed you, ya know?” the man muttered, taking small strides towards the metal door. his hand reached for the wall, turning on an overhead light in your cell. looking around, it seemed to be a basement. you could see stairs past the door to the cement room and as you peered through the door, the man repositioned himself in front of your face. 

you didn’t say anything and his head cocked to the side as he knelt in front of you. “but we didn’t, do you know why?” his tone was antagonizing and as your eyes adjusted you could make out his face, a large scar was centered by his nose as if he had been cut. you shook your head at his question, not wanting to speak. also because your throat stung from the previous screaming. 

“well,” he looked to the side, using his hands on his knees to hoist himself back up to his feet and he towered over you. “i would have told you but–” he motioned to his face, still glistening from your spit. “maybe tomorrow.” his words were fast, he turned on his heel and headed for the door. 

in a panic you lurched forward, arm out and you tried to stop him. your ankle tugging on the chain as you reached for him.“wait, please don’t!” came rushing out of your mouth but it was too late. the light was switched off and as the door shut behind him, you were enveloped in the darkness yet again. 

— four days after the kidnapping

the black void of your cell had become never ending. after the man with the scar left, the only time anyone would open the door was to give you as little food as possible. keeping you weak and unable to fight back, but alive just enough to do whatever they had planned. if you had been told you were here for a week you would have believed it, time moves weird in the dark and you never knew what time of the day it was, if they were swerving you breakfast or dinner– you had no idea. 

at first you tried to stand, to pace around and get your body moving. after a while it became too repetitive and you fell to your knees, tired and disoriented. you hadn’t moved an inch since, just laying curled up on the floor with your back to the door. the only thing that kept you occupied besides sleeping was reliving memories, playing them over and over again in your head. they were all of ellie, her freckled face and auburn hair and that stupid constellations book. 

she was your every waking thought and even slipped her way into your dreams. ellie was the only thing keeping you from going completely insane in the darkness. you could picture her so clearly, but when you thought about her voice it never sounded right. you were only able to hear it in your dreams, but when you woke it slipped away like water in your hands. traceable, but not recognisable. you made it your mission to remember, a small controllable goal in a situation so far out of your hands and it provided a sense of comfort. as much as it could. 

you were tracing her name over the cold ground beneath you, whispering it softly as if it was a crime when you drifted off once again. it had become routine and a sure fire way to make sure she was in your dreams, her voice and all. this time your dreams planted you in the memory of watching her favorite movie together, curled up on the couch with your head in her lap and her hands playing in your hair. 

“don’t get attached to her,” ellie said casually above you, pointing to the small tv. you groaned, looking up at her and her innocent eyes met yours. 

“you spoil every movie, els.” you say with a fake annoyance in your voice, playfully swatting at the hand pointing to the tv. 

“i didn’t say what happens to her!” her hands go up defensively, looking down at you in her lap. her face had been speckled with sun freckles from the previous day, leaving it absolutely covered from her chin to her forehead. even her eyebrow slit had a few small dots in it, and you found it hard to be annoyed with her. 

turning your attention back to the movie with an unsure mhm, your eyes left hers and for a moment there was silence. and ellie couldn’t help herself, she mumbled, “exceptshetotallygetschoppedinhalf.” 

you sprung up, your head leaving her lap, positioning yourself next to her on your knees. swiftly you propelled her down and straddled her torso. dramatic gasps left her mouth and she placed her hands on your hips, looking you up and down. “you’re gonna pay for that, you know,” you said to her, cupping her face with one hand. 

“i’m soooo scared, pumpkin” she teased, and as the words left her mouth it was like someone had pressed the mute button. her lips moved, and she was definitely talking but her voice was gone, like it had blown away in the wind. the nickname you cherished so deeply from her inaudible and as you realized this your eyes snapped open. the darkness was back, and ellie was gone, along with her voice. 

you tried to cling on to it, but the harder you tried to remember it, the further it went in your mind. if you weren’t so dehydrated, you’d be crying and thrashing around, desperately hoping for her voice to come back to you. but instead being too weak to do anything, you pulled your legs up to your chest and laid in the silence. you didn’t know how long you had been asleep, not that it mattered anyway, but your stomach was feeling emptier than ever before so it must have been a while. 

remnants of your dream flashed in your mind and your hand placed itself on your face as ellie had always done, imagining it was her. imagining her coming to save you, her holding you. every thought that consumed you was her. she can’t be dead. you repeat to yourself like your own little mantra. she isn’t dead.

time shifted again and you heard footsteps coming down the stairs beyond the door. the metal door clicked and opened as it always did, but instead of food being thrown at you in the dark, the lightswitch flicked on. your eyes nearly burst from the pain after being in the dark for so long and you covered them with your hands. “ready to talk like a civilized person?” the raspy voice spoke and you removed your hands from your face, squinting your eyes until they adjusted. 

you nodded slightly and the man with the scar sighed, “good,” he crouched in front of you and you locked eyes with him, anger filling you up head to toe but you fought against it. “where’d we leave off, huh?” 

“w-why you took me,” your voice was small and you realized you hadn’t actually talked in days besides muttering ellie’s name to yourself. 

“right!” he exclaimed loudly, making you jump as it echoed off the walls. “you seemed valuable, at least to that girl,” as he acknowledged ellie, your face lit up and you hung on to his words. “so we figured, you’d be a good bargaining chip for food and whatnot.” 

the nonchalantness in his voice made your skin crawl and your eyebrows furrowed as you looked at him. “and you think giving me back like this will get you what you want?” you asked, your voice slowly returning. the man looked down on you with a smug expression. 

“if they want you back alive, yeah. i do. we’re gonna send a party to your town to give them our demands for you,” his finger grazed your leg and you snaked it back. the chains rattled as you did and a chuckle came from him. “we just need to know exactly what you people got.” 

worry swirled around inside of you and you knew what ellie would do in this situation, so you remained as strong as you could, picturing her in your mind. “i’m not telling you anything–” 

“it’s your choice,” he sighed, reaching into his back pocket. he pulled out a small knife and it was too similar to ellie’s for your liking. “just know you can change your mind at anytime.” with that, his knife pierced your skin and your screams filled the room. 

ellie’s pov

— five days after the kidnapping

ellie had been traveling on foot for two days now. her head still ached with the concussion she suffered and her feet felt like they were on fire with every step. everytime she felt like stopping, a foggy image of you would cross her mind and she would keep going. she only stopped when she was practically falling over, hours after the sun had gone down.

by the second day, her legs were giving out on her. she stumbled into the underbrush to the side of the road, falling to her knees and then flat on her stomach. too exhausted to eat and sleep came easy to her. she knew it would only be an hour of sleep but she physically couldn’t go any further tonight. so she embraced sleep, knowing it would only make her nightmares surface yet again. 

tonight her nightmare seemed to be a complete recollection of that night. she was in the tent with you and you rambled about a book you had borrowed from dina. ellie was rifling through her backpack, looking for the constellations book. she had promised to show you cassiopeia on her throne in the night sky, but her book wasn’t in her bag. “i fuckin’ packed it,” she said mindlessly, dumping her belongings out onto your sleeping bag. 

“it’s okay, we can find it without the book.” you reassured her, a soft smile on your face as you did. 

“no, there was– ugh,” she sighed, accepting defeat. you looked at her, a puzzled expression on your face that she couldn’t quite see. “i had something for you, it was in the book.” 

“i’m sure whatever it was, i’ll love it when we get back just as much.” you leaned up, planting a delicate kiss on her lips. ellie’s worry washed away and placed a hand to your cheek when you pulled apart. 

 thats when the silent forest came to life. animals could be heard sprinting between trees, and the birds caulking as they were so rudely woken up by whatever had scared them. ellie’s head turned to the opening in the tent and you grabbed her arm, forcing her to look back to you. 

she saw the usual cloudy mess instead of your face, but in her dreams it seemed to be normal. she sat up, rubbing the arm that clutched hers before she spoke. “probably just a runner, i’ll be right back.” she kissed the top of the blur and felt the grip loosen around her arm. 

“be quick–” you whispered to her as she left the warm tent into the chill air. ellie looked around the campsite, not seeing anything but the noises of the animals still alarmed her, so she expanded her search. 

she had wandered down to the small creek about twenty yards from you, hoping the sound of the rushing water had attracted the infected but there was none in sight and as she turned to make her way back to you, and the night you had planned, your shriek came barreling through the trees. 

not hesitating for a second, ellie was running. her fists pumping at her sides like a madman, she didn’t have time to think about what could possibly be tormenting you, but when she bursted into the campsite and her eyes locked on you, thrashing in the grasp of a random man, her heart sank to her stomach. your face was no longer blurred, she could see every detail that made your face so perfect but your terrified expression haunted her and the gun coming down on her head sprung her awake. 

the sun hadn’t risen yet and her surroundings were still dark. she pushed herself off the ground, not wanting to go back to sleep until you were next to her. coming from the trees that lined the highway, she kept going. the little rest she got was enough to propel her forward and while she walked her mind wandered. it wasn’t long before the sound of morning birds snapped her out of a haze and as she looked up from her feet she saw a welcome to utah sign. it was still dark, probably the very beginning of the morning and ellie noticed smoke coming from the trees just behind the sign. 

not hesitating she moved closer, taking her steps slowly and lowering herself to the ground, she pushed past the trees and saw the makings of a camp. a giant fire roared in the middle of all the people sleeping around it. her eyes landed on the man to the left, furthest from the horses and a picture flashed in her mind. he laid there peacefully, but ellie recognized him as the man who had knocked her out. and suddenly her thoughts halted themselves and her feet moved for her. 

knowing she could never take all of them at once, especially as exhausted as she was, ellie decided on a different plan. starting with the woman closest to the horses, she positioned herself right next to her and grabbed the knife she had placed in her pocket. ellie’s hand covered the womans mouth and her eyes opened harshly. without a second thought, she sliced the knife along the neck of the panicked woman. 

the fires crackling was enough to mask the sound of her blood gurgling from the wound. the woman grasped at ellie desperately trying to save her own life but her movements soon slowed, her arms falling to her sides. removing her hand, she moved on to the next one. watching as the life drained from him as well as he struggled to alert his friends. ellie had gone glossy eyed, and if she was being honest she wasn’t in full control of her actions. her mind only had one goal, and these people stood in her way. they caused this. they deserve it. 

blood spattered onto her face while she glided the switchblade across the neck of the third man, once he had stopped fighting back and his eyes were staring blankly up into the sky ellie locked her own eyes on the final man. the one who had prevented her from saving you, now that it was only him left she stomped over to him. as she approached him, her chest was heaving and blood dripped from her face.

she stood over him for a moment, watching as he slept peacefully. cocking her head to the side, she kicked him harshly in the stomach. immediately he rolled over, clutching his stomach and groaning in pain. ellie drove her foot into his now exposed back and he cried out in pain yet again. despite his pain, the man tried to get away. crawling on his hands and knees as quickly as he could, he only made it a few feet when the sound of ellie’s gun cocking made him stop in his tracks. 

“turn around,” ellie grunted, her breathing more heavy than before. the man did as he was told, and as he did his eyes widened at the sight of ellie, covered in blood, sweat and dirt. they wandered past her, looking upon his dead friends and his hands raised to the side of his head. 

“take it all–” 

“you remember me?” her voice was low, hushed even and as the terrified man studied her face his eyebrows raised slightly, and ellie’s lips threatened to curl at the ends. “yeah, you remember me.” 

the man remained quiet in his realization and ellie’s gaze directed itself at the paper poking out from his pocket. the fire illuminated the camp just enough to see it was a map and she motioned her gun towards it, “you’re gonna show me exactly where she is.” her voice was flat but firm. 

“i can’t do that–” his voice trembled and his words were cut off by ellie moving closer to him, her gun now directly in his face. 

“you don’t have a fucking choice!” she shouted, ripping the map from his pocket while her gun remained closely trained on him. she laid it flat on the ground, crouching down to his level and staring him down. he shook his head feverishly, terrified of ellie but even more concerned about her finding their base. while he refused to speak, she had grown tired of waiting and with her available hand took her switchblade and dug it deeply into his thigh and twisted with all her strength.

he wailed, losing balance on his knees and falling to his side. ellie removed the knife, wiping it clean on her jeans before lowering her head to him. “you’d better start fucking talking.” 

the gun was still pointed to his face and he looked at her with disdain, “i’m fucking dead anyway why would i tell you anything.” he said breathlessly, trying to cover the hole in his leg with his hands and failing miserably. 

“because i can make it quick,” she twirled her switchblade in her fingers, grazing it over his cheeks as he winced back. “or i could make it so much worse.” 

“fuck you!” he spat with all his might and ellie dug her knife into his arm, sliding it down while it tore open his flesh. his screams filled the woods around them and in a desperate attempt to save his life, he reached for her gun. 

it pointed up and ellie fired at the sudden scramble. the man tackled her to the ground, pinning her down and fighting to take the gun from her hand. in the tussle, her switchblade fell from her grasp and landed a few feet away. in a panic she fought for the gun, kneeing the man in the stomach as hard as she could but he remained firm on top of her. her free hand swung up, knocking him on the head and his grip on the gun loosened. as she yanked it back, it slipped from her own hands and fell to the ground. while he was stunned from her punch, ellie managed to throw him off of her. she rolled around, looking on the ground for her gun but it blended in so well with the dirt and sticks she couldn’t see it. 

taking a quick look back to the man, he had picked up a rather large rock and tried smashing it down on her head. ellie moved, nearly missing having her head bashed in and she noticed her blade glistening in the now rising sun. she army crawled as the man grasped at her legs to pull her back. her fingers fiddled with the handle before she was able to firmly wrap her hand around it. as she did, the man dragged her back towards him and while he tried to position himself on top of her, ellie plunged the switchblade deep into his chest. the crunch of it piercing his sternum confirmed it was a deadly hit and she watched as he lost any hope to stay alive. 

his mouth hung open in shock, looking down to the puncture wound and his hands went to grasp around it. his legs straddled ellie’s torso, allowing the blood that poured from it to fall directly onto her. the man coughed and instead of spit, blood spewed from his mouth staining his teeth in the process before he fell over beside her. ellie didn’t move, her breathing erratic from the fight. 

the man gurgled on his own blood for a moment before it got quiet again, the woods silent as ever except for her heaving breaths. her hands fell to her sides and she gazed up to the sky, the stars still burning brightly above the trees. all of her exhaustion hit her at once like a truck and she fought to keep her eyes from closing. right before she thought sleep would consume her and she would have to relive her worst nightmare all over again, she saw the makings of a constellation. at first, it wasn’t recognizable, just another clump of stars in the galaxy. but when it clicked in her mind, she propped herself up on her elbows and the tiredness melted away. it was cassiopeia. 

that was everything she needed. ellie got up with a new surge of energy, taking the map with her and anything else she could find useful. she strode away from the grim scene on their horse, following the map to the first exit off the utah highway. with the horse, the rest of the journey seemed like light work. it was only an hour before she spotted the fences to the community. 

tying the horse to a hidden tree for a get-away, she circled the small town. the fence was chain linked and she watched inside as the town woke up to start their day. ellie was able to see that only a small amount of people woke up this early, leaving the streets barely occupied. 

staying in the shadows, she slipped under the fence that was poorly secured. she found herself in between two small houses, ellie could make out mumbled words from the street so she moved up, making sure to stay as close to the wall of the house as possible. 

“....hopefully they will come back with the stuff by tomorrow.” a woman's voice could be heard, ellie dared not to peek around the corner and listened further to their conversation. 

“we don’t even know if they have anything, we could be chasing a dead end.” ellie’s eyebrows furrowed as the second voice spoke. she figured they were talking about the group she had slaughtered, but could jackson be the dead end they were speaking about? is that why they wanted you?

“just gotta hope for the best, i guess.” the woman spoke again before her footsteps could be heard walking away. ellie’s body tensed up, quickly her mind showed her the haunting image of your face and she shook her head, focusing her eyes around the corner. she caught a glimpse of the woman walking down the sidewalk, leaving the man to stand in front of the house alone. he was reading a note intensely and ellie took a look around to make sure her coast was clear. 

she came up behind him, swiftly covering his mouth and dragging him back between the houses for cover. she ripped the note from his hands and used the bandana that had been around his head to cover his mouth and threw him to the ground. while she examined the note, her pistol was focused on him keeping him in place. 

residents be advised that your council is doing all they can to provide for you. we are currently bartering with a town in wyoming for food, and unlike last time, we are sure they will be more than happy to provide.

ellie balled up the paper in her fists, scoffing and throwing it beside the man. “the girl, where is she?” ellie hissed at him, keeping her voice low. he mumbled through the bandana and she rolled her eyes. “don’t fucking scream, you can make it out of this.” she said before pulling the bandana down. 

the mans eyes were wide with fear as he looked upon ellie, but he spoke fast and quietly while darting his eyes between her and the gun. “i don’t know about a girl, i really don’t plea–” 

ellie shook her head before snatching his wrist in her hand, bending his finger back and he winced. “okay, okay okay,” he rushed out, feeling his finger about to snap. “our hunters, they came back a few days ago with something they wouldn’t tell anyone about,” he paused, looking at ellie and her grip loosened. 

“keep talking.” she ordered him and he stammered his words, trying to desperately abide by her rules. 

“usually they bring the meat to the kitchen but-but they parked the truck outside of our leaders house, said it was nothing but it didn-didn’t look like nothin’.” 

ellie moved the gun into his neck, nuzzling it right below his ear and his breathing hitched up. “where?”

“go left do-down the street, the truck is old you can’t miss it!” ellie knew the truck all too well and without another word she removed the gun from his neck and he breathed a sigh of relief. 

“thanks–” ellie whispered as her switchblade lodged itself in his neck. he didn’t scream, just looked at her wide-eyed as he tried to stop his neck from bleeding. ellie didn’t wait around, his blood still bubbling as she walked away, turning left down the street. 

she was careful, she moved down the street hiding behind cars, bushes and whatever else she could find. when she was starting to think the man had given her bad information, the truck came into view. it was parked blissfully in the driveway of a quaint looking house. she found herself climbing through an open window on the first floor, escaping the street and its peering eyes. ellie landed in the living room of the house, it wasn’t decorated, the walls were blank and the furniture looked like it was rotting away. 

that's when she heard voices coming from upstairs, she almost ascended the stairs herself but the voices were coming closer. she hid behind the dusty couch as the stairs creaked and found herself in the company of two men who had no idea she was eavesdropping. 

“we already sent the group, why do you need more from her?” the raspy voice uttered, a hint of annoyance laced in his tone. 

ellie heard a long sigh, “because they could become our primary suppliers. as long as we have her, they will give us whatever we want. for as long as we want.” the second man spoke with a heavy country accent and her blood boiled, she stopped herself from jumping the two, instead listening for more information. 

“she wasn’t very forthcoming the first time–” 

his voice was cut off, “well fuckin’ make her. i told you whatever it takes.” another sigh filled her ears, and she wasn’t sure who had done it but feet were stomping away and she glanced around the couch. she witnessed a bald man opening a door down a dark hallway, while the man who had the accent went back upstairs. her brain was split, but she knew they wouldn’t have kept you upstairs so she followed the bald man with the raspy voice, opening the door silently and descending the stairs that were behind it. 

the end of the staircase opened up to a dimly lit basement, it was unfinished and dirty. she caught a glance at a metal door at the opposite end of the room before turning her attention back to the bald man, who was crouching down beside a workbench. it was lined with tools, but ellie knew what they were for. so as fast as she could, she approached him. he was barely able to turn around before she tackled him to the ground. the man was big but being caught off guard helped ellie as her hands gripped around his neck. 

she put all of her body weight into his neck, he was choking and failing his arms around at ellie. it didn’t phase her, even when he had slapped her across the face in his panic. her face was contorting with all the exertion and she stared down at him, never breaking eye contact. a scar was slashed across his face and she recognized this as the man who had thrown you into the truck, the image coming to her clearly. his eyes were bulging from their sockets and his legs were kicking with a passion but as ellie came to this realization she jerked her hands down, the applied pressure breaking his neck under her hands and he immediately went limp. 

in a cloudy haze she stood up, catching her breath and looking around for a key. she practically threw everything off of the workbench in front of her and when she didn’t find it she moved back to the man on the floor. she dug through his pockets and her fingers found a small metal key. 

she walked towards the metal door slowly. now that she was here, she was terrified of what she would see behind the door. she put the key into the lock and turned, earning a click. she breathed out all the air in her lungs before pushing it open and her heart was beating faster than she had ever known possible. the room was dark, and seemed empty. the light from the other room allowed her to see a small switch on the wall and she flicked it on, now fearing you werent even here. 

but you were. the light came on and your hands flew to your face shielding your eyes. ellie’s eyes immediately brimmed with tears seeing you. she took a step forward, taking off her backpack and laying it on the ground beside her. you were so obviously injured, puncture wounds up and down your legs with dried blood surrounding them. the chain around your ankle had almost embedded itself in your skin, resulting in a horrible looking bruise that had worked its way up your leg. ellie breathlessly said your name, tears falling from her eyes and your hands moved from your face slowly. 

your eyes weren’t adjusted, you just saw a blurry figure in front of you but you could have sworn you heard her voice. the voice that had escaped you every time you tried to hold on to it, and you thought your brain was playing a cruel prank. “please don’t,” you uttered quietly, fearing she was the man with the scar coming back to torture you more. 

ellie dropped to her knees in front of you, looking at your battered body not able to form words. they had broken you, and she blamed herself. anger brewed inside of her but in this moment, she remained soft spoken. “it’s me,” she whispered, reaching her hand out to touch your leg which you snaked away, still not believing she was actually there. you believed you were so desperate to see her, to hear her, that she materialized out of thin air. but that meant you were truly losing your sanity and you could barely look at her. 

“its not you–” you said back to her, looking to the floor and ellie’s eyes shut tightly to hold back anymore tears. you had backed up all the way to the wall, leaving ellie in the center of the room. she slowly moved to you as you watched her from your peripheral view.

she came up in front of you, “it’s me, pumpkin,” and placed a hand to your shallow cheek as she always had done. 

feeling her warm hands on your face, you met her eyes. her warmth couldn’t be your imagination and your own eyes welled up as she dragged her thumb carelessly across your cheek. her appearance didn’t even phase you, all you cared about was her. “ellie,” you sighed, shutting your eyes and placing your hand on top of hers that cupped your face. “you’re actually here?” your voice was small and faint, and it felt like ellie was stabbed in the heart. 

the blur that ruined her memories of you was gone. even the image of you being whisked away was gone. she scanned your still perfect face, it’s only faults being sunken in from hunger and bruising that littered your cheeks but it was still perfection to her. she felt more relief than she had when she killed the man in the woods, and the bald man that still laid a few feet away. you were here in front of her, finally.  ellie couldn’t help but smile at you, all her efforts hadn’t been in vain. 

“i’m actually here,” she repeated to you, connecting your foreheads together. “i found you.” 

ellie leaned back, inches from your face. her voice rang in your ears and you felt like you were floating with every word that came from her mouth after missing it for so long. you managed a smile for her. she was so close to you that you had barely seen the figure towering over her from behind, your mouth began to form her name to warn her but it was too late. the figure smashed ellie over the head and she fell unconscious beside you. 

[monstas1ut2]

(1/2) Sanji Vinsmoke

(๑˃ᴗ˂)ﻭ

DBSB, 3272, nigga, that's my potna dem

G-L-O-B-E, A-B-B, nigga, that's my potna dem

Softly touching up the edges, the orangish, red hair color was now apart of you. Just staring into the mirror as you let go a bit of a smile. The only time you smile when you look at a mirror is when you're staring at your face... any more inches down and it's like you could just puke.

"I like that color on you (y/n)!"

Glancing towards the phone that was on the sink , you just gave a kissing noise. The woman on the other side of the screen happened to have the same color hair, though hers was natural.

"Thats what's up Nami, it was a lotta money... but...Sanji brought it fa me..." You muttered that last part, still feeling bad about even talking about him.. It caused the female to sigh, she knew your problems.. and your issues that you face everyday. Nami is caring, as well as the other female who happened to be in the call. Robin, and Nami had always been on this agonizing journey..

Their bodies were beautiful, just perfect. While you, felt as if you'd be better off covering up with a jacket. It's bad, really... Sanji is your lover, you've accepted to live with him and yet you still cover yourself up anytime he's around. A jacket is always in arms length.

Once, Sanji almost walked in on you changing and in result in hating yourself.. you immediately threw the bedsheet over you. This obviously made Sanji feel some type of way but at the same time he respects you. As strong as you are, as much as you deal with just being a black woman.. he respects you...

Sanji hasn't touched you in any way, not sexually, nor in a domestic type way. His hands are always to himself.. as much as his insides hated it. All Sanji begs to do is touch and love on you. Alas, you overthink and wonder why Sanji is even with you..

"You neeed to tell him how you feel, (y/n)... the situation will only become worse... Your relationship is so strong that sex was never needed.. you're a beautiful woman... You're unique, and fun to be around... give it a chance, yes?" Robin's soft voice echoed slightly in your brain, just sighing out in retaliation. Nami's face showing that she definitely agreed.. but it's just not that simple..

You wish it was that simple.

"(Y/n)-swan~~~~ I'm home!"

A jolt rushed through you as the look you gave the two females happened to be a rushed one.

"Imma talk to y'all later Ight..?" You gently spoke before ending the call as quickly as you could. Moving from the bathroom and you grabbed your black jacket. It was quite huge on you and it had 2pac's picture on the back of it, his name on the front. This jacket originally came from your brother, but you claimed it of course...

Throwing your phone on the bed, you gently walked into the hall and went downstairs. The house you both lived in was a dream. Sanji isn't a poor man... he has his own restaurant, and it rivals with Gordon Ramsey's restaurant... come on..

"Hey, you feelin' ight..?" You gently spoke as you were finally off that last step. Your blonde man standing in front of the door as he blew some of the cigarette smoke. It was something you didn't mind.. the house was big so.. not everything smelt like it...

Though seeing your beautiful, slightly chubby face and your beautiful new colored hair made him die inside. His throat and lungs giving up on him as he choked and coughed. A huge blush rushing quickly to his cheeks and ears... Even now he just.. he gets all school girl on you.

"Babe! Babe! You Ight..!? Aye..." you kinda panicked actually, just softly touching his arm and moving to pat him on his back. The coughing fit he was having eventually surpassed and you were now holding onto his arm. His arm happened to be between your breasts.. he could feel it, he didn't need to see it..

Thing is, you didn't even realize...

"I'm fine.. it's just, you're so beautiful... I bought that right..? Glad that was a thing.." Sanji rambled off to himself as he then finally stared at you and chuckled. That genuine smile causing your insides to twist and turn.. your face was burning up, but your ancestors gave you the ability to not show the blood rushing to your cheeks..

"Oh.. you like it..? Thanks baby... thanks for buyin it fa me..." your voice soft as you got on your tippy toes and wrapped those arms around his neck.. well you tried.. he had to lean down a bit.. his lips connecting against yours and all you could taste was cigarette smoke, but it was this hint of sweetness.. probably from whatever he cooked today.. nevertheless, you were used to it.

The kiss was short like always, and Sanji didn't dare touch you. His hands weren't inching whatsoever, as much as he wanted to... he didn't want to make you feel uncomfortable.

"Oh, since you worked today, d'want me to make you sum to eat?... or.."

"Actually, I wanted us to go to my restaurant and eat... we haven't done that in awhile." Sanji's gentle smile and that shrug made you feel completely bad. The two of you rarely go anywhere together.. it's just that you hate the fact that Sanji has to go anywhere with you...

A little smile appeared on your face, it seemed a bit forced but as good as your acting skills were, it probably passed. Fidgeting on the heels of your feet, you kinda shrugged as well. The hoodie that you had on suddenly felt tight and honestly you hated it. Did you look huge in this too...?

"I-.. Ight.."

(๑˃ᴗ˂)ﻭ

What in your right mind possessed you to say 'ight'?! Just flailing around in your walk in closet. As many clothes you had, as many outfits.. you never touched them. They collect dust every day. But that's nothing compared to what you were doing now, the clothes being scattered across the floor as you looked at your final option..

"I'm not goin..."

The words you spoke made your eyes kind of tear up, just staring at the soft, white dress. It was soft and it wasn't tight, but at the same time.. it clings to your skin. It shows every bump and curve. Not to mention how it had little slits on the side.. to show more of your thighs that were already showing... Nope.. just Nope..

Though another bomb was going to come rushing down, because how the hell were you going to tell Sanji..? What were you going to say? Jesus Christ...

Actually, there is this one thing... yes.. for sure..

"Yeah... it just started... can you get me them pills in the cabinet? Ion wanna move... we can literally go next week though.." you gently spoke when you were now in front of Sanji in the bedroom.

It was odd, just a few hours ago you were perfectly fine... not to mention how your period just went off a week ago. The blonde keeps notice of these things, he's not a dumb male who doesn't pay attention to his girlfriend. He's only collecting notes, he'll go with your maze run for now.. but in the end.. he'll find the way.

"So.. you're just up for me makin somethin..? I can teach you the gumbo you wanted to learn..." you gently spoke, only because the atmosphere was kind of tense? Or maybe it was just you... Sanji was laying on his back and he was smoking like usual.. but it seemed like he was thinking hard about something.. and it made you want to go shit.

Have he finally had enough..?

"I thought you'd never ask (y/n)-Chan" Sanji gently purred with those same hearts in his eyes as he decided to follow you out the bedroom and to the kitchen. There was some things Sanji just didn't know how to make. Yes he's an amazing chef and you're sure he'll get this in one go.. but he doesn't know much about.. let's say : black people dishes.

You've just been teaching him about the wide range of things.. and he's been having a blast. As well as being enamored with your aave...

Sanji just loves being with you... didn't matter what it was.. he's obsessed with you, even though his touch is limited..

(๑˃ᴗ˂)ﻭ

The night had already been here, though it was now 11 pm, the house being ripped of all its lights that were on. Sanji made sure everything was cleaned up because it wasn't a surprise that you were knocked out in bed already. His own attire consisted of just his underwear... which you didn't mind but that's probably because you wore that jacket to sleep every night..

Sanji snapped out of his thoughts and he noticed the light to your closet as was still on. His body maneuvering over to go inside and turn it off.. though.. the mountain of clothes restricted him. His eyes widening as the cigarette from his mouth had dropped ever so gently to the floor.

The closet was a mess.

(๑˃ᴗ˂)ﻭ Masterlist 2

[shrimplicitly]

ok ok ok ok does anyone know that audio post thats like a huuuuuuge mashup of a bunch of rock/poprock songs that starts out with the piano for the black parade and then the beginning of geeen days good riddence, which turns into blink 182s whats my age again to check yes juliet to "CAN I GRADUATE if i can just find the time i would never let another day go by its overrrr GETTING OLD AND I GOT UR PICTURE IM COMING WITH YOU DEAR MARIA COUNT ME THERES A STORY AT THE BOTTOM OF THIS BOTTLE AND IM THE PEN AAUGH WE WERE MEANT TO LIVE FOR SO MUCH MOOOORE IF WE LOST OURSELVES SOMEWHRE DEEP INSIIIIIIDE well if u wanted honesty thats all u had to say and if u want to let me go ill have you go its better off this way TODAY IM ON MY OWN I CANT MOVE A MUSCLE AND I CANT PICK UP THE PHONE AND IF I CAN FIND YOU NOW IT WOULD GET BETTERRRR (oh oh OH) im in the business of misery lets take it from the top she got a body like an hourglass and its ticking like a clock but seldom do these words ring true when im constantly failing you walls that we just cant break thru and do you understAND I DONT WANNA WASTE MY TIME bdhdbd TRAGEDY WITHIN SOCIETY and stacy cant u see ur just not the girl for me i know it might be wrong but. im in love with stacys mom i wake up every morning. (in feelin it) with a big smile on my face and it never feels out of place (im feelin it) PLEASE TELL ME WHYYYYYY MY CAR IS IN THE FRONT YARD. AND IM. SLEEPING WITH MY CLOTHES ONNN CAME IN THRU THE WINDOW. LAST NIGHT AND UR. GONE. GOOONE...... ive been let loose and now im crawlin up the waaaalls WHYYYY DO WE LIKE TO HURTTT SO MUCH I CANT DECIIDE YOU HAVE MADE JT HARDER AND WHY HYYYY ALL THE POSSIBILITIES.... WHERE I WAS WRONG EVERybody! put up ur hands i dont wanna be in love i dont wanna be in love the inside lingo had me at hello and we go where the money goes i rmemeber the morning u try to forget... now im closer to.. the edge" and theres a lot more songs but i really dont remember the lyrics or the names of the songs so i cant look them up but anyway it ends with fall out boys sugar were going down and it was really popular in like 2016 or 17 and its since been deleted but i was wondering if anyone. has it saved or smth

[dropoutparty]

ngc ramblings part 3- chapter 5

here we are at part 3!!! sorry this one took so long, i originally was gonna make this post include entropy and extus (along with finally talking about face in depth) but it was so fuckin long that im splitting it into 2 different posts! the next part isnt done yet but im like almost halfway done so it shouldnt be too much longer until its out! also before we get into this one:

tw for: death, animal death, and suicide. pls take care of urself and don't read this if those things are triggering for u <3

ok lets get on with the post

at the start of entropy zach doesnt waste any time getting right to the point. this place is bigger than the other planets so far, and zach says the music this time around is a melody that “started out normal but then got distorted” played by a violin sounding instrument. even tho i do sometimes forget that this is supposed to be a creepypasta im not surprised that he said it made him feel depressed and unnerved lmao. anyways, this planet has all new level types in it!! no reused ones!! ok now this is epic. the bosses this time around are megalon, battra, and mechagodzilla, but itll be a good while before we get to those guys because this chapter is long as hell holy shit?? buckle up babez <33 now, before i get into the meat of things as usual im gonna talk abt the planet name! entropy basically means “a lack of order/predictability or a gradual decline into disorder” and that's very accurate to this part of the story. at this point, red is pissed off and is getting desperate, which means from here on out things are going to be getting more intense and more unstable. this world is the turning point in the overall story, basically.

now with that out of the way, zach first goes to the worlds quiz level as usual! this time something was different. usually, in the quiz levels there would be goofy ass music playin in the bg (specifically the GH1D0RA cheat music, if you wanna like listen to it ig?) but from here on out its been replaced by the music from the games password screen, which zach called creepy earlier on in the pasta. im gonna glaze over the quiz again this time, but when we get to the next planet ill talk about all of the quizzes in depth all at once. basically all you need to know for now abt what happens here is face asks “do you like mothra?” and when zach picks no (after going on a tangent abt how mothra sucks lmao,, bro i swear im good at the game my controllers just messed up /s), face enters bastard mode and goes “TOO BAD!” and boom now zach cant play as anyone but mothra. zach is pissed for now but little does he know this is just going to become an even more epic gamer bc of this,, youll never get better at something if you never try and all that.

after that, zach moves on to the first level type- the forest. immediately zach gets an eerie feeling from this level bc he has some kinda fear involving forests at night (i can think of a reason why but ill have to talk abt that later just to be sure). hes also not feelin great about being forced to play as mothra, so the pressure of it all is def starting to get to him by now. the music in the forest is woodwinds followed by slow, rhythmic drums and chiming bells. must have been some ominous woodwinds and bells bc it made him feel like he was intruding somewhere he shouldnt be (oh rlly?? u dont say,, everything up until now has been fine /s). getting into the level itself, eventually zach comes across some weird deer-like monsters just vibing and scares them away when he gets close. later in the level he finds more of these weird deer along with a sloth-like creature on some of the trees and some raptor dudes killing some of the deer. zach shoots one of the raptors but thats about it. nothing really happened in this level but zach noted that he didnt feel like he was playing a video game, but instead it felt more like he was exploring a forest in another dimension. thats interesting for reasons ill ~get to later~ (yall must be so tired of hearing that by now omg,, i know im tired of saying it at least. i was gonna wait until after replay to talk about things but i severely underestimated how long this whole project would be, so i might make a post for the “more on that later” stuff before i get into replay. let me know what u think i should do).

anyways, the next thing zach checks out is the first tv screen level so far. these levels just play an animation with some music in the background, and theres a different animation per level. this time around the animation is of a kid with a beaver(?) head licking a lollipop and the music is the GH1D0RA music that the quiz levels used to use. the only thing of note here is that zach says he had a shirt that looked just like that when he was a kid. after that, were off to some of the weirdest fuckin levels in this whole thing imo- the hourglass levels. these levels have an entirely brown color palette, with grandfather clocks standing in the background (the level appears to be in like a hallway or something) and various time measuring things floating in the air. the music is the same as the board (ig cosby just didnt feel like thinking of what theme this place would have lol). after a little bit zach was rlly happy to see actual enemies from the normal game show up! these are basically like aircraft, tanks, etc. thats not the main attraction here tho, bc this level has its own unique mechanic! this mechanic is the colored hourglass items you can pick up. there are three of them, a blue one that slows time down and makes enemies from the past appear, a red one that speeds up time and makes enemies from the future appear, and a green one that made the time flow normally and spawned enemies from the normal game. zach found the blue one first, which caused a bunch of prehistoric enemies based on real animals to show up. after that he found a green one and fought normal enemies again, and then he found a red hourglass. the future enemies here look like aliens to me, and zach says that one enemy reminds him of something he saw in a book once. eventually, a special future creature showed up and zach was suddenly in a boss battle! or a mini boss battle? that description is probably more accurate. this guy doesnt have a face, and he can only attack by shooting a beam from his face, it sure does look cool! after zach beat it tho, he was off to the next level type, which is basically a toxic waste dump.

zach called it grungy and inhospitable, with the music being a synth ambient loop that made him feel dizzy while he listened to it. this is important because this is the first instance of the game making zach feel something *physically*, not just psychologically. all of the enemies here are mutated to some degree, with him first seeing green mummies with bird skulls coming out from vats of toxic slutch and a brownish cow skeleton monster with spider legs. later zach comes across a deer from the woods, drinking some toxic slutch (delinchous). zach got close to it to try making it stopped but suddenly some enemies came out of nowhere and scared it into running right off a ledge and into the slutch. rip :pensive:. after that zach found more mutated enemies (i.e some things with tentacles and some other deformed thing with human teeth) before he finally gets to the end of the level, where theres another miniboss waiting for him!! this ones a toxic sludge monster with a whale skull who attacks with a mouth projectile and by charging into you. the monster sank into the slutch and thats all for this level babeyy!

the next level is another forest, but this time its winter! its still at night, but this time zach doesnt feel off put, which he mostly attributes to the music. he describes it as a gentle, calm song that almost sounded romantic. the entire first segment of this level had no enemies in it, but dw this level is interesting i swear. the next segment starts out just as empty as the last one, but this time its silent. that is, until the music from “unforgiving cold” starts playing. yaa you remember that place!! i think i said it was less interesting than i remembered but its interesting again now bc it was foreshadowing these levels!! anyways soon after the music started up, zach started to come across tons of frozen bodies of the deer from earlier. some were mutilated, some werent, but they were all frozen and covered in snow. eventually zach does come across something living though, a sloth creature from earlier! its just vibing when suddenly the winter versions of the raptors from earlier rush in and fuckin obliterate the sloth thing. those things just blindly try killing everything in sight, and even start fighting themselves before zach finally gets to the last part of the level.

now this is where shit starts to get crayzay. this part opens up to a big empty field with a full moon and the nice music from earlier back. despite the nice music tho, zach immediately starts feeling dread and eventually he finds a lake. the lake comes down from the sky and starts to crack like an egg, a humanoid figure curled up in the fetus position dropping into the lake below and the moon halves disintegrated. this spawned the moon beast, the hardest challenge zachs had to deal with so far. after he finally defeats it, the screen goes to black and the name “melissa” is on screen, written in red. after that, the screen then says kys. the word kill then fills up the screen, layering over itself until it forms a picture of reds face. its now that we finally get to hear abt the whole melissa thing (which makes it sound like shes been mentioned in the pasta before this but thats not what i mean lmao). to summarize, zach had a middle school gf named melissa (also bro middle school?? wadda hell) who often went into “episodes” where she would stare off, expressionless, before trembling and putting her face in her hands. she and zach hung out in a field at night a lot but one night she just stared at the moon the whole time before running into traffic and dying.

NOW its finally later!!! were not done with entropy yet, but this is the end of part one of entropy so i wanna just take a little break to talk about things so far. this planet is FULL of symbolism and foreshadowing. to start off, i think a lot of the questions face asks at the beginning foreshadow things that happen. some examples are “is time slipping though your fingers?” which could allude to the time levels, “do you have any regrets?” which i think obviously foreshadows the whole melissa thing, “is it safe to go out at night?” and “do you find it hard to sleep at night?” both follow the same kinda theme, which i think relates to how the melissa incident happened at night, specifically out at night. i dont think the forest levels have anything too important in them, other than to introduce the presence of an innocent, harmless creature that doesnt deserve what happens to it later (aka the deer things) which might symbolize melissa. more evidence for this symbolizing melissa comes from the encounter with the deer in the toxic dump and the winter forest, where in the former zach tries to stop it from hurting itself but is too late, being forced to watch it die, and in the latter the same innocent thing from earlier is found dead close to where the real incident took place. the two big themes to keep in mind here are death and time, more specifically the past. most of the enemies here are either made from bones or kill other enemies, there's a dedicated time level referencing things that zach remembers seeing at one point (aka that one alien zach recognized), the beaver head had the same shirt as child zach did, it all connects to zachs past and the death of melissa. as for the moon beast, its the most obvious reference for reasons ive already explained. i dont really know what the moon cracking open and dropping a curled up human into the lake could mean other than some other thing melissa related, but i *do* think that the fact that the moon beast is the most difficult thing zach has faced so far is symbolic of the fact that the trauma from this event has followed him throughout his entire life, and its something he struggles with daily. it could even be the reason why he said no when face asked if he could sleep easily at night. the moon beast also has some black fur around its neck, which i think is meant to represent a tire track, referencing and/or mocking the way melissa died.

its so cool how this entire part of the story builds up to and foreshadows the bomb it drops at the end of the part, giving people something to look back on. a lot of ppl say that as soon as the melissa stuff gets introduced the story goes down in quality, and i do somewhat agree with that sentiment, especially if they want the story to actually be scary, but i think the direction the story goes from this point on is so unique and cool. it does follow the whole “theres a ghost in the game” troupe (even tho it was probably seen as a spin on that originally) but it doesnt do the same cliches as so many other gaming creepypastas do and it really takes the concept and makes it its own. i just think its neat,,,

anyways im done gushing abt this story, lets get on with part 2 of extus!! basically zach has a fuckin panic attack and, after taking a few minutes to calm himself down when its over, he decides that he has to finish the game now because if he doesnt its just going to haunt him for the rest of his life. zach has now realized that the game is “alive” and can somehow see his thoughts and memories, so understandably hes pretty freaked out by it at this point. when he keeps playing, the first thing he does is check out another tv screen level. this time, the animation is of a fish dude just kinda standing there with his mouth flapping open and closed and the music is the neptune board music from the original game. the only reason i can think of for why this is here is maybe the game is mocking zach for the panic attack he just had (bc when u have a panic attack you feel like you can barely breathe, if ur lucky enough to have never had one before and u dont know) but thats abt it. its probably just a random goofy thing cosby threw in there.

anyways, the next actual level is the first labyrinth level. this time around, its a gold labyrinth specifically. the music in these levels is a slow, ominous drum beat with female vocals occasionally coming in and (basically from here on out) the monster zach plays as is now half the size it used to be. i think this shows how zachs feeling at this point, like this whole thing isnt just being a big strong monster and beating up enemies any more, he feels small and scared and helpless in the face of something potentially dangerous that he doesnt understand maybe his confusion about the game is the reason *why* theres so many labyrinth levels here in the first place. anyways im getting ahead of myself. personally, i think the aesthetic of the gold labyrinth is very similar to the green temples back on trance. while trance had a more circular and soft theme to it's architecture and sculpture, entropys is much more square or rectangle oriented. despite this, i think that the golden mazes at least are another religious kind of building, and the architecture is just different because theyre two different cultures who just happen to worship the same spiritual figure (aka melissa. did i say that earlier? i think i did,, if i didnt well the religions worship melissa, not knowing she's a dead human or anything. probably).

moving on, zach notes how the gold labyrinth would probably have been impossible to navigate as any of the other monsters, so turns out face being an asshole was a blessing in disguise after all huh? anyways this place is full of weird gold monsters, lava/fire traps, and stone faces (both in more of an easter island head style and in the regular feminine headshot weve seen so far). zach comes across two feminine heads, one that is more adult looking and pure gold, and another one that looks much younger and whos eyes have red irises and blue scleras. this statue apparently looks a lot like melissa did on the night she died, so zach leaves it pretty quickly. i *think* this is the first time we see the color blue associated with melissa? if it isnt sorry abt that, its been a couple days since i worked on ngcr so ive forgotten some of the smaller or more subtle things by now. GOD i keep getting side tracked ANYWAYS eventually zach finds a non-gold enemy and sees it get picked up by like an arcade crane claw. hes curious so he follows the claw, only to see the monster be put in a big gold cauldron and walk out the side of it as a gold monster.

gonna be honest, no idea what the hell this could mean. like? theres been no themes of corruption or good things becoming evil so far so this just kinda. exists,, yea idk lol. im not part of like any discord servers or anything so all this theorizing and analysis has just been me, maybe getting some small ideas from like random youtube comments or something, so if something ive said so far has been unanimously disagreed with somewhere i dont know about it. thats also why this isnt really a definitive or comprehensive analysis (even tho im trying to be as comprehensive as i can).

anyways zach finds the exit soon after and hes on to the next level type (there's so fucking many of them ik dont worry weve almost gotten to all of them now), the indigo cliffs. the background of these levels is similar to the blue mountains from trance, but now the moon and clouds from the toxic dump background is also here (and colored indigo to match). the music here is just a deep rumbling noise. the first “enemies” he sees here are just a bunch of multicolored little guys coming out of a hole in the ground and jumping off a cliff. were continuing the death theme yall!! anyways zach continues, flying over some more weird creatures (tho some of them just look like dinosaurs lol) before he sees a bunch more of the multicolored guys out and about but this time theyre getting grabbed by birds!! wadda heel!!! zach comments on how the multicolored dudes seem eager to die and thinks maybe the moon has something to do with it (like melissa dude wat!!!! that's crazy /s). at the end of the level there were some more multicolored dudes just walking into a creatures mouth so zach attacked the thing and killed it and the levels over yay!

now its time for the bosses babeyy!!! first zach fights battra (basically an evil moth kaiju), the music is varans theme. battra starts off in his larvae form, where he basically just fought by running into you and shooting stuff at you. while fighting this form, zach noticed that the game buffed mothra because his gamer skillz were too cringe lmaoo. he beats the larvae form and battra goes into his second form, where hes basically a stronger clone of mothra (misogyny). zach fights battra and has fun doing it (for once,, good for him) and he wins yay! next hes fighting megalon (a big beetle/bug kaiju), whos music was gigans theme. im tired when im writing this so ill just give you zachs description of how he fought: “strong, persistent, but dumb”. after this, zach checks out the last tv screen of entropy. this time, it shows a big buff guy with a sack over his head hit a womans head with a sledgehammer while shes tied to a table or something. the music for it was the password theme. i think this is probably here because red is getting angrier? like this guy is still here after i triggered his ptsd?? what the hell!!!

anyways before we get to the last boss we have one last level type to get through- the shadow labyrinth. at this point, zach starts to feel drained because no shit sherlock you just had a panic attack and youve been playing this game for fuckin several hours at this point of course youre fuckin drained. anyways zach enters the shadow labyrinth, which is a black recolor of the gold labyrinth. the music is “evil ambience” similar to unforgiving colds music but distinctly different apparently. there werent any enemies so zach just kinda wandered for a while until the lights turned off, darkening the whole screen and (secretly) spawning tons of spooky enemies thatll chase and hit mothra in the dark. eventually the lights came back on and zach started scrambling to the exit. when the lights turned back off, zach was able to find one of the melissa looking statues and stood next to it. it warded off the monsters while the lights were off, so zach was safe. i think this shows 2 things: 1) its a little more validation for my “religion in this world worships melissa” theory and 2) it foreshadows the way melissa wants to protect zach at the end of the game. zach beat the shadow labyrinth a lot faster than the gold one so were done with all the stages now!! now theres only the last boss and red and were done with entropy!

the last boss is mechagodzilla, but when zach starts the level, normal godzilla is there instead!! its whatever tho bc soon the disguise is gone and its just pretty much the normal mechagodzilla fight (but now hes got a gay beam). at about half health tho, mechagodzillas sprite breaks into pieces like gezoras did way back on earth and reforms into not-mechagodzilla. even tho it looks uncanny (and the usage of the face statue on the front is probably there to further mock zach bc melissa) zach beats it p easily and now its time for the chase. ba dum ba dum thats the sound of a chase.

as usual tho, before i get to the red chase its time to talk about entropy as a planet!! i think the best way to describe the layout is “a big forest with a toxic waste dump in it takes up half the planet while the other half is a large religious temple/labyrinth with a dangerous underbelly”. there doesnt seem to be any intelligent life there now (its all dead by now probably) but there was at some point at least because imean the huge labyrinth is there dude!!! i dont have much to say for this section tbh bc i feel like i've already said everything i wanted to, so its time for the chase ig!!

basically the chase with red here takes place in a labyrinth level bc of course it does. this labyrinth, however, seems to be made of some kind of organic matter. is it flesh? organs? nondescript viscera? idk but it's pulsating and bloody. also this time red has wings too!! anyways, basically zach avoids red throughout the maze, red breaks through one of the walls with his big alien tongue, and zach gets to the end of the maze. nothing crazy happens at the end of this chapter (i think it was crazy enough as is) so thats the end of that and now its time for the penultimate planet- extus.

[yearoftheyuki]

Details in episode 7

So, as I mentioned in my last post, this was my favorite episode so far. In this post I wanna get a little more specific as to what I really meant by that. There’s a lot I loved, I’m considering making a future post on either Akito’s  portrayel in this episode or the perfection of Kyo and Tohru’s conversation in this episode. To talk about the whole episode would be overwhelming, as I’d wanna go into everything that I loved which makes writing difficult so I really want to focus on the beach scene between Yuki and Tohru because it is very important to me and it fits the theme of my Yuki centered blog. That was the first scene I saw of the manga. That scene is so very important for Yuki’s character. And I’ve read that scene so many times, I can still remember wishing I could see it animated. That being said, when I say I loved this episode I mean that the anime really did a good job of playing it out EXACTLY how I pictured it in my head. The chances of the anime doing that are very slim because these scenes are all very subjective; we’ve all read Fruits Basket and constructed our own thoughts or interpretations, so to satistfy everyone’s thoughts would be very difficult. I happen to love this episode because this time the anime nailed it, in how I pictured this scene. Some may have pictured it differently. *𝘗𝘭𝘦𝘢𝘴𝘦 𝘬𝘯𝘰𝘸 𝘵𝘩𝘢𝘵 𝘐 𝘸𝘳𝘰𝘵𝘦 𝘧𝘰𝘳 𝘤𝘰𝘯𝘵𝘦𝘯𝘵 𝘪𝘯 𝘵𝘩𝘪𝘴 𝘱𝘰𝘴𝘵, 𝘵𝘩𝘦𝘳𝘦𝘧𝘰𝘳𝘦, 𝘵𝘩𝘦𝘳𝘦 𝘮𝘢𝘺 𝘣𝘦 𝘢 𝘤𝘰𝘶𝘱𝘭𝘦 𝘨𝘳𝘢𝘮𝘮𝘢𝘵𝘪𝘤𝘢𝘭 𝘮𝘪𝘴𝘵𝘢𝘬𝘦𝘴 𝘢𝘴 𝘪𝘵 𝘩𝘢𝘴 𝘯𝘰𝘵 𝘣𝘦𝘦𝘯 𝘦𝘥𝘪𝘵𝘦𝘥. 𝘛𝘩𝘢𝘯𝘬 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘪𝘯 𝘢𝘥𝘷𝘢𝘯𝘤𝘦 𝘧𝘰𝘳 𝘨𝘰𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘢𝘭𝘰𝘯𝘨 𝘸𝘪𝘵𝘩 𝘪𝘵!

So what did they do that I loved? Well lets start with the fact that since this scene is so important to me, it must be treated with care. The care this scene was treated with is evident in how the choices the anime team made like:

𝗧𝗛𝗘 𝗖𝗢𝗟𝗢𝗥𝗦: The colors were absloutelty BEAUTIFUL in this scene. Such a soft, calming pallete that really fit the vibe of this scene. I pictured the night exactly like this; that kind of nighy where the sun is setting and blending into a purple sky (if that makes sence). It really set the tone for the whole scene; subtle but important. By subtle I mean that the colors were simple, by important I mean that they stand out enough to draw you in and make you realize that what’s going on is worth paying attention to.

𝗧𝗛𝗘 𝗠𝗨𝗦𝗜𝗖: Wow, they gave this scene a special song, as they should! The music they chose was the kind that makes you choked up as your’re listening to it, in the moment. This really works because Yuki is overwhelmed at the moment with lots of feelines; love, gratitude, sadness, fear, confidence, but above all hope. And that is why he is so choked up. He is so thankful for Tohru and is now hopeful for his future because of her, and he’s trying to show her that. Seeing Yuki cry isnt enough, I think the way the violins are playing during that part really accentuate those emotions.

𝗧𝗛𝗘 𝗠𝗢𝗩𝗘𝗠𝗘𝗡𝗧𝗦: Let me tell you, nothing is more pleasing than watching a scene that I read sooooo many times in pen come to “life” in animated form. It was like my manga had come to life in front of me. Sometimes the anime misses certain movements, and I get it, we don’t want a 100% copy of Takaya’s work, and neither does she. And sometimes it doesn’t fit the timing. Most people don’t notice. But when there’s a scene you’re passionate about you notice EVERYTHING. That being said, I know this part like the back of my hand. I was so happy that they didn’t leave out any movement. This was not the scene to cut things. They got every thing down, from how Yuki goes from holding Tohru, to kissing her, to leaning on her. They even made it a little more obvious that he was crying which I LOVE. Nice job😍

𝗧𝗛𝗘 𝗦𝗖𝗥𝗜𝗣𝗧/𝗔𝗖𝗧𝗜𝗡𝗚: This scene stayed very true to the wording of the manga, at least from subtitles. And his voice actor KILLED it. I should make a section for the acting because he really gave it his all in this. I mean the voice crack, and the way he said “you didnt know it was always you saving me”. UGH HE NAILED THAT, I really felt that. Thats just how I pictured Yuki’s saying it! I’ll have to really listen to it when the dub comes out to extend on this part. But I love how Yuki said everything that he said in the manga, almost identical. I get upset sometimes when its not the same but thats a me thing😂 Though, I’m curious to know why they took out “I love you”? I should be more upset but idk “so dear to me” actually sounds more genuine. We know he loves her, I just thought “dear to me” was sweet. So yeah, go anime team!

𝗙𝗔𝗖𝗜𝗔𝗟 𝗘𝗫𝗣𝗥𝗘𝗦𝗦𝗜𝗢𝗡𝗦: Yuki is actually really expressive. It may not be as explicit as Kyo’s facial expressions, but you can really tune into Yuki’s feelings from watching his face. In the manga, I loved Takaya’s art during this part because I felt that Yuki’s eyes said so much during this part, without words needed. I actually think they exaggerated that in this scene, and I’m all for it. Tohru asks why he’s so sad for good reason, and we need to see that. We need to see him saying one thing but his facial expressions saying another because there’s something important that he’s not telling her. I’m so glad that the anime team really understood that.

Oh man, lets look at another please

Wow. Here in this picture we see beautiful colors (and a beautiful person hehe), a top tier facial expression, a movement directly taken from the manga, tied in with appropriate music in the background, with appropriate wording, and all done with care. THAT is what care is to me. They took a scene that I had very high expectations for and met them flawlessly. That, among other things, is the biggest reason why episode 7 has been my favorite so far✨

[babysizedfics]

m glad ur feelin better!!!! do u have any spare hcs? im in a Mood and i love hcs sm 🐝

thank u bee anon!!! i am wracking my brains let's see

EDIT: this turned into a fairly long HC that focusses a on ro with adhd and autistic vee!

i can imagine the family all watching rilakkuma and kaoru on netflix (if you haven't already PLEASE watch it it's so soft and cute!)

because baby vee is very particular about what he watches, he is so jumpy and sensitive when little that his anxiety can be triggered by the smallest most insignificant details so logan and patton both carefully scour any possible triggers in cartoons and movies before putting them on for him

logan had learned that this particular show was pretty much all clear from triggers for virgil plus it was highly rated as being enjoyable for all age groups so he deemed it one of the few shows that they could probably all watch together

within the first few seconds, virgil was hooked - patton saw on his little face how his eyes blew wide with adoration at the cute bears on screen and he smiled past his paci and bounced on patton lap and reached toward the screen whispering 'cubble cubble' because the characters just looked so huggable

after a slight disappointment in finding out that he couldnt cuddle the bears, patton huddled vee close and the baby squeezed him tight and squeaked with excitement at the bears as the episode went on

roman was slack hawed and absolutely marvelling at the craftsmenship of the show - he actually fell right out of littlespace because he was so enthralled by the creativity behind the stop motion figures that he snapped 'out of character' as it were

he kept talking through the show, though not neary as much as he often did - only occasionally and always to ask logan how they did a certain thing with the models - logan dutifully explained what he knew about the animating process for stop lotion though admitted that he did not know much

they only watched two episodes as a family before vee got sleepy and logan insisted they should do something less screen-based, but that night roman binged the rest of the show in his room, amazed and adoring

and that started romans hyperfixation with stop motion animation and virgil's special interest with rilakkuma!

roman spends hours and hours and hours of the next couple of weeks studying the artform and collecting supplies to try his hand at it - albeit on a much smaller scale of course

and whenever vee draws pictures for the next couple of weeks they are always of the characters and he only cuddles his bear softies for a whole week before he picks up mento again

the caregivers of course indulge their littles' interests, amazed that both of them had clung so much to the show

they watched an episode every night, until they had gotten through all 13 of them - since roman had already watched them all in his adult headspace he had satiated his fascinstion in the artform and was able to enjoy them while little as well, he was very talkative and excitable and would infodump on all of the animation tricks he saw in the behind the scenes videos he watched on youtube

roman's hyperfixation only lasts about three weeks but he did create some cute characters with modelling clay and shot an amateur thirty second film with them that the other sides were very impressed by

but virgil's special interest is far more longlasting - baby vee doesnt stop drawing the characters for several weeks, there is no end in sight - he even gets so excited when he sees anything to do with the characters that he actually starts to breathe a bit too fast and shake and logan has to be careful to keep an eye on virgil's exposure to it as it can really overexcite him and strangely enough trigger his anxiety (projecting woohoo)

it carries over into his adult mindset too! he reads about the origins of the characters in sanrio and becomes equally fascinated and adoring of the other sanrio characters. he's pretty embarrassed about it at first and doesn't let anyone know about his new fascination, he keeps quiet about it and tries not to let the others see that his phone and laptop backgrounds are now of his favourite sanrio characters

but one day a couple months later roman casually brings up the show in conversation at dinner and virgil starts joining in the conversation, his toes are scrunching and unscrunching in his socks and he is rocking slightly from side to side on his chair as he blurts as much information as his tongue can manage about the characters and his favourite things about them and how the show handled the characterisation and what ither characters there are in the sanrio universe and what he thought of them and he doesn't even realise until he is talking through a thoroughly dry mouth and flapping his hand by his hip that he's been talking non stop for who knows how long

and suddenly he shuts up and feels his cheeks burn, noticing now how everyone around the table is looking at him, he grits his teeth, cursing himself for being so cringey and talking so much and why is he so selfish why didnt he let anyone else talk he shouldnt take up so much space

he mumbles sorry and keeps his eyes down from their stares but the others immediately reassure him, they weren't at all upset that he spoke so much, they were maybe a little surprised but really really happy that virge liked the subject so much and wanted to share it with them

he is still humiliated, he says okay thank you but deep down he still doesnt believe that its okay he still thinks its embarrassing and hes such a dork

but over the next few weeks the others invite him to talk about it more, roman sends virgil sanrio memes he finds on tumblr, logan plays the soundtrack to the show when he is trying to calm virgil down, patton buys him a little korilakkuma plush thats the perfect size to fit in his hand and it's even got the little beans in it and everything! it becomes his go to stim toy when he needs to calm down

and YEAH lots of feelings but to summarise: rilakkuma and kaoru is so so cute pls watch it, good for bby vee because soft, good for roman because art, roman has adhd and hyperfixates on the artform for a couple weeks before moving onto another hyperfixation, virgils special interest becomes longterm and though he is reluctant to infodump at first his family assure him its ok and they show him support through little acts and gradually he becomes more confident in it!

[malsrpchars-blog]

Sentence starters from songs.

ANGER

"I don't really give two fucks." "Now, let go of my hand!" "Just get away from me, please just stop touching me!" "I've been through enough shit, just leave me alone." "So what, I'm the devil [him/her]self?" "Someone call security!" "Why won't you give up?" "You always disappoint me." "So, let's just get this over with." "Go ahead, knock me out." "Give it to me." "They will be sorry." "I sleep just fine every single night."

ANGST

"I don't feel comfortable in my skin, now." "We dwell on our dreams, and somehow we forget to live." "Sometimes, when I close my eyes, I pretend I'm all right." "Why are you running away?" "You're only sorry when you're coming down." "This is not my proudest moment." "I nearly lost my mind." "Til the sirens sound, I'm safe." "Why can't I let my demons lie?" "My mind's such a mess." "I'm too damn tired." "Can't emphasize enough how hard it's been." "I won't live without you." "You will be stuck like this forever." "Beauty is pain, and there's beauty in everything." "I was too afraid."

BROKEN RELATIONSHIPS

"I tried to forgive you, but you'll do it all again." "Yeah, we used to be friends." "I feel something missing." "When I fuck it up, I own it." "It's not over, it's not the end." "I don't need to be approved by you." "I'm tired of always waking up without you." "You're no good for me." "For once, could you pretty please not run out on me?" "It hurts too much to fight." "I'm sorry, I never meant to lock you out." "I'm so sorry." "So I made my bed, and I know the price." "You're playing with my mind." "Tell me now, or set me free." "You'll miss me when I'm gone." "So, get the fuck out." "There's some things I should have said." "Now, it's all too late." "I fell for all your stupid lines." "I saw you with that other girl." "You always had to get your way."

CASUAL

"I'm wasted, you're naked." "Whatever I am to you, thats fine." "Brand new day but the same old shit." "Come on, there's always room." "May I have this dance?" "It was just so hard to let you know." "I need you to come to my rescue." "I promise that it's the last time."

CHANGE

"I'm prepared for this." "Is there somewhere else that you wanna go?" "Everything ain't always what it seems." "I've got a confession." "What could I do to change your mind?" "Destiny is on your side." "Can't change the way we are." "Must be something in the water." "There was an earthquake." "I'm burning the candle now at both ends." "If I die today, it won't be so bad." "I've been feelin' outta sorts lately." "You don't have to change a thing." "I'm not in control."

CONFRONTATION

"You think that what I do, and how I live is too much?" "My spirit won't be lost in darkness tonight." "What are feelings without emotions?" "I only met your father once..." "I've been waiting for this moment all my life." "But what if they don't care?" "I've spent a lifetime running." "I can feel it in my bones." "There's nowhere to run, no place to try and hide." "Well, I've got thick skin."

FRIENDSHIP

"Yeah, we did so much shit growing up." "We didn't finish what we started." "You don't have to be alone all by yourself." "I want the world to see the real me." "Remember back when when we were young?" "Forget what you've lost because soon you'll be found."

LOVE

"I love that you drove all the way out here just to get closer." "You came in, and you showed me what a love should be." "It was strange, you captivated every part of me." "I'm only trying to do what is best for us." "I know you inside and out." "I will love you till the world stops turning." "You stole my covers again." "I would take a bullet for you." "I hope that your children get to know my name." "I was made for this." "Can I say something crazy? I love you."

[thehermitsaltar]

More than a feelin’

Request by @multifan24006​ “Hello. Can I request a Chris Evans x male reader fic where Chris and reader are obviously in love but are both oblivious and other’s feelings? Then at readers bday party, Chris finally makes a move?”

Chris Evans x M!Reader

Word Count: 1175

A/N my keyboard is a little fucked so if it says “Hris” instead of “chris” thats why and sorry my requests are taking froever. @mrgrant9559-blog

It was about seven AM when Chris’ phone pinged with a new message. He grumbled about how “It’s too early for texting” and other boomer stuff until he noticed who had texted him. It was Y/N. The younger man that Chris had been pining over for over a year now.

Chris and Y/N had first met on the last movie he had done, it had been some lame rom-com that didn’t do very good but he didn’t care because he met Y/N during that movie. They had spent a lot of time together during that movie and after they continued their friendship.

Chris finally opened the message. 

“Coffee?”

The text was simple but Chris knew exactly what he was talking about. Chris smiled as his day now got to start with a coffee date with his crush. Chris texted back.

“Starbucks , 30 min. Need psl.”

He threw his phone to the side and began to get ready. Chris was currently in New York so the fall had already started to settle in, but he didn’t mind, he actually enjoyed fall a lot. It meant he got to wear his nice Armani jackets, have hot coffee and cuddle up in his apartment.

Chris finished getting ready and met up with Y/N in the shop whom was already there sitting on one of the grey couches. He waved and gave him a small hug when he stood up. They exchanged pleasantries and ordered their coffee. They sat and talked as they waited for their coffee.

“So what have you been doin’ this morning? I hope I didn’t wake you up.” Y/N started and laughed lightly.

Chris laughed. “Me? Come on I've been up since like five.”

The nice waitress brought their orders over and Chris took a sip of his hot beverage.

“Good, good. I was just up early planning the party and wanted to grab some coffee.” Y/N smiled and Chris physically felt his heart skip a beat. “Speaking of the party, your gonna be there right?”

Y/N got a little worried, he knew Chris would show up but was still a little scared he wouldn’t. Y/N got nervous around Chris a lot. He didn’t really know why, maybe because he was taller then Y/N or because he was very famous, or because he secretly had a huge crush on him. Who knows. 

“Of course I'm going! Your gonna be 30, that’s huge!” Chris was a little louder than usual and very excited for his friend. It made a blush spread on Y/N’s cheeks.

They talked some more until it was time for Chris to go meet with his agent about a new role. They hugged and said their goodbyes. 

Chris went on with his day but the whole time he only thought about Y/N. He thought about the present he had gotten for him and the party tonight. He couldn’t wait to see him again.

By the time Chris got done with all his meetings it was about 7 PM, that gave him just enough time to shower, shave and find an outfit. Once he was ready it was 8 o’clock and he left to Y/N’s apartment. The drive was about 5 minutes and he arrived about when everyone else was.

He grabbed the present from the back seat of his car and went inside, he looked around for Y/N and found him in the kitchen grabbing a soda. Y/N was turned toward the fridge and Chris could only see the back of him but good god was he attractive. 

He was wearing a grey suit that fit him in all the right places. Chris got snapped out of his thoughts when Y/N turned around and jumped about 5 feet in the air. 

“You scared me Chris!” He laughed and clutched his chest. 

Chris blushed and laughed. “Sorry birthday boy.”

Y/N closed the fridge and walked towards him. “You know my birthday is tomorrow.” He smiled.

“I know but I wanna give you your present now.”

“You didn’t have to get me anything,Chris.” He looked him in the eyes and blushed.

“I wanted too.” As Chris was about to hand him the present some people came into the kitchen and started bombarding Y/N with birthday wishes and shots.

Chris left the kitchen and didn’t get to see Y/N all that much the rest of the night, everyone was crowding him with presents and drinks. Which Chris understood but still wished to see his friend more, he hadn’t even got to give him the present.

Aside from not seeing Y/N that much he still had fun, talked with friends, drank and even danced a little. Before he knew it, it was almost midnight and most of the people had left. The only people left were him, Y/N and Sebastian but Y/N was waving Sebastian goodbye and thanking him for coming.

Soon enough it was just them left, cleaning up the remains of the party.

“Come on Chris, you don’t gotta clean up man, I got it.” Y/N protested as he put red solo cups in a garbage bag.

“I get to see you so I don’t see a problem with it.” He smiled at the man beside him.

They continued to talk and clean but Chris stopped immediately and pulled Y/N to the couch beside him.

“What are you doin’?” Y/N giggled as Chris crawled under the couch and pulled out the present he got for him.

Y/N’s eyes lit up at the site of the small box wrapped in blue paper. Chris gingerly handed the box to him and waited for him to open it as he sat next to him.

Y/N took off the paper to reveal a picture frame. It was wooden and looked homemade. But the contents inside was what made him tear up.

Inside had been a picture of his brother that he had lost a few months ago due to diabetes. He looked at the picture of his brother and his dog on the couch and looked up at Chris. 

“Thank you.” His voice was quiet and soft. 

As Y/N looked at the picture for a few moments he realized that when his brother passed, Chris had been there and realized Chris had always been there for him.

He put the picture down and looked up at him with tears in his eyes. He didn’t know what he was going to say but Chris did.

“I love you too.” His Boston accent was thick and Y/N fell in love with him more.

[takenbyemrys]

Merry Christmas Peachy!!! For @peachy-keener for Parkner Secret Santa event

---

Peter laid his head down on his books. He let out a muffled groan as Ned patted his back. MJ rolled her eyes from across the table. They were trying their best to get a last minute study session in before classes started.

“Come on, loser, it’s english,” MJ said. Peter huffed and sent her a mild glare.

“Says you.” Peter said. “All you ever do is read.”

Ned chuckled. “He’s not wrong MJ. English is so much easier for you than us.”

“Help us Michelle Jones, you’re our only hope.” Peter snickered as he said it, earning an eye roll.

“You’re both massive losers. It’s not that hard. But fine.” She leaned forward and began explaining just where they were wrong. MJ was halfway through her explanation when she was interrupted by Principal Morita walking up to their table. A tall girl followed closely behind him, her arms crossed and a scowl on her face.

“Oh you three will do,” Morita said. “Peter, MJ, Ned, this is our new student, Abbie Keener. Abbie is a junior, but she’s going to be taking a lot of senior classes, so I want you three to show her around.”

With that, he nodded to the four of them and walked out of the library.

MJ snorted. “Okay then.”

Peter, however, jumped up and grinned. He held out his hand to Abbie. “Hi, I’m Peter!”

Abbie raised an eyebrow at his outstretched hand but reluctantly reached out to shake it.

“Nice ta meet ya.” Her southern twang was rich.

“You too, Abbie.” Peter waved to the empty seat next to MJ. “This is MJ, who was oh so graciously helping us not fail English. And this is Ned.”

Abbie nodded to them, but otherwise said nothing.

“It was gracious of me, wasn’t it?” MJ smirked. “Why was I doing it again?”

“Because if you didn’t, we wouldn’t be going to NYU together next year,” Ned said. MJ huffed. “And what would you do without your soulmates?”

“Y’all are soul mates?” Abbie asked, clearly trying to assess the relationship with her eyes.

“Yeah, we’re all platonic soulmates,” Peter explained. He held out his left arm that had two phrases tattooed on it. MJ and Ned held out their wrists as well. “For me, the top one is Ned, because I first met him. Ned and MJ’s first was me too, even though MJ met us at the same time.”

Abbie studied his wrist, where the first phrase said ‘Do you like star wars?’ and the second said ‘Sup Losers.’

“Cool. My Brother’s my platonic.” She held out her left wrist. Peter saw that it said, ‘Hello, little sister.’

“Oh that’s adorable.” Peter grinned. Abbie grinned. Most people thought it was weird that her brother was her soulmate. “So, where are you and your brother from?”

“Tennessee,” Abbie answered easily. “My brother and I moved up here because he started at NYU this semester.”

Peter’s eyes lit up. “Oh cool! Are you planning on going there too?”

“Probably,” Abby explained with a grin. “I think i want to travel first.”

MJ nodded. “Same. Hard debating ditching these losers.”

Ned grabbed his chest, giving her an exaggerated gasp and the ultimate eyes of betrayal before crying out, “You would never!”

“Yeah, sorry MJ.” Peter shrugged. “After the whole ‘soulmate’ thing, you can’t really pretend not to like us.”

“I don’t know,” Abbie teased. “I’ll ditch my brother and you ditch them, and we can hit Europe.”

“The three of them can look after each other.” MJ agreed. She paused, looking between the boys. “Well, maybe.”

“Oh my god,” Peter gasped. “Ned, it finally happened. MJ found someone else who’ll be just as mean to us.”

He then wailed, burying his head in Ned’s shoulder. Ned, for his part, hugged Peter close and pretended to weep as well.

MJ stood up, both annoyed and affectionate. “Alright losers. Come on. We have class.”

“Ugh, I don’t want to go to class,” Peter groaned. Despite his dramatics, he looked to their new friend. “Abbie what classes do you have?”

Abbie pulled a schedule out of her backpack and handed it to them. It took only a few seconds for all three to look back up at her eagerly.

“Sweet!” Peter said. “You have most of your classes with us.” After he finished, he grabbed Ned and led the way out of the library. MJ snorted and pulled Abbie after her.

“Alright, Keener,” she said. “Looks like we’re adopting you.” --------

After that, Abbie easily merges into their friend group. She shares almost every class with at least one of them. This gives them all plenty of time together (especially she and Peter) and allows her to open up more. Her and MJ get on like a house on fire, making Peter and Ned sometimes wonder how they aren’t platonic soulmates, or maybe even romantic soulmates. Regardless, there’s nothing between them like that and they just all click. Abbie ends up invited to movie nights, lunch, and the occasional Aunt May sponsored thai food. She raises an amused eyebrow everytime Peter has to go to his ‘internship’ and everytime he has sprint out right after school.

It happened one day when Peter offered to walk Abbie home. He was rambling on and on about nanotechnology when it hit her. It hit her so hard she stopped walking, gaping at Peter.

“Abs?” He asked, eyebrows drawing in concern. He reached out and grabbed her shoulder. Abbie jolted out of her trance at his touch.

“Sorry. Just contemplating the inescapable chasm of loss in regards to abandonment.” Abbie pressed her lips together, trying to stop the onslaught of invasive and horrific thoughts. It was only natural. Harley and Peter were soulmates. There was no doubt in her mind that these two idiots would fucking love each other. The only problem was Abbie. They would run away together, and do science, and completely forget about her.

“Fucking mood. Literally my entire existence.” Peter snorted. Abbie raised an eyebrow.

“Who abandoned you?” She pried.

“Besides everyone? My parents dumped me on May and my Uncle Ben’s doorstop when I was like nine. Then, Ben died in my arms last year after a robbery. So, i get it. Whatever you got goin on, you’re not alone, and I’m not gonna abandon you. Never will.” Peter gave her a sad, lopsided smile, and Abbie melted. She launched herself at Peter, wrapping her arms around him. Peter gasped as Abbie knocked the wind out of him, but instinctively reciprocated.

“You’re great, ya know that Parker?” Peter shook his head and slung his arm around her. He led her down the street.

“I’m something. So, I shared. Who abandoned you?” Peter squeezed her shoulder. “Besides everyone?” Abbie smirked. “Dad left when I was a baby, but mom did the emotional abandonment thing. All I ever had was Harley.” Abbie shrugged. “Hopefully I’ll always have Harley.”

“Well, I’ve never met the mysterious brother whose never at your apartment, but based on everything I know about you and him, he wouldn’t leave you either. I mean he drug you all the way to New York because he refused to leave you at home didn’t he?” Abbie looked up.

“How in all seven hells did you know that?” She asked. Peter shrugged.

“Best guess.” He gave her his best dimples and a wink.

“You’re too smart for your own good Parker. But, I still appreciate it.” Peter stops at the door of her apartment building. “And for the record. I won’t abandon you either.” Peter lit up like a christmas tree. “Now get outta here. I know you have stuff to do.” Abbie winked and sauntered through the door. Peter shook his head, but slipped into the alley next to the building.

---------

“Does he really believe he’s bein’ subtle about the whole Spiderman thing?” Abbie asked one day, watching Peter sprint across the courtyard. MJ rolled her eyes and Ned gaped at her, already trying to find excuses to explain Peter’s behavior.

“Unfortunately.” MJ despaired.

“Ya know. I think it’s time y’all met Harley.” She was still staring after Peter.

“Because?” Ned asked.

“Because I just have a feelin’.” Abbie said as explanation. “We can go meet him now, if you’d like. Then y’all’ll definitely know what I'm talkin’ about.”

MJ shrugged and closed her book. “Might as well. Ned?”

“Why not?” Ned nodded.

Abbie led the duo through New York, stopping at the entrance to a run down garage. “You’re sure he’s here?” Ned asked. Abbie held up her wrist, staring at the invisible string she knew was there.

“Yep. I’m sure. Come on.” Abbie pushed opened the door and led them through the waiting area. Music boomed the minute she opened the door. ACDC almost burst their eardrums. When they reached the garage portion, MJ raised an eyebrow at the sports cars, while Ned was too preoccupied with the state of the art parts strewn around the room. “Yo, Harls!” Abbie yelled over the music, pointing to a car with it’s hood up. They noted the shirtless man leaning over it. He stood up and yelled at the ceiling, turning off the music. He pulled a rag from his pocket and wiped his hands.

When he turned around MJ snorted. Ned grinned.

“Ya’ll must be Abbie’s friends. I’m Harley.” The southern dripped off his lips, sweeter than tea.

“Well, fuck Keener. You had a feeling, huh?” MJ asked. Ned shook his head.

“Just a feelin’.” Abbie answered.

“I’m missing something.” Harley said, his lips twisting into a scowl.

“You’ll find out soon enough.” Ned grinned at him. “I’m Ned, this is MJ.” MJ jerked her head, smirk still dancing on her lips.

“Peter couldn’t make it. But, i’ll bring him by tomorrow, if thats cool?” Abbie asked.

“Yeah, you know that’s cool. So, y’all go to nerd school?” Harley asked.

“The nerdiest.” MJ confirmed.

“Is that the beginnings of a sublight engine?” Ned asked, pointing to a massive pile of parts on a nearby cart.

“Hell yes!” Harley grinned. He began to explain how he was making it. MJ leaned toward Abbie.

“This is the best feelin’ you’ve ever had. And i’m personally upset you didn’t tell me sooner.

“It just hit me a couple weeks ago. There’s no way they aren’t soulmates.” MJ grinned at Abbie, who hip checked her.

“When are you bringing him? I so want to see it.” MJ stared at Ned, a rare soft smile on her face.

“Tomorrow for sure. I wanted to make sure y’all agreed with me. We can do the exact same thing.”

“Do you know what Harley’s soulmark says?” MJ aked. Abbie grinned evily.

“Oh yes. And you won’t want to miss it.” Abbie collapsed on a couch near the wall and watched Ned and Harley nerd out over Star Wars and mechanics.

“Fucking losers.” MJ said fondly, sitting next to Abbie. They stayed for another hour, plotting the lovely demise of Peter Parker into the abyss that was Harley Keener. Ned and Harley kept getting more excited as the moved from engine to engine. MJ pulled Ned away after a while, offering to walk him home. As soon as the door closed, Ned turned to her with a grin.

“MJ. He’s fucking perfect.” Ned vibrated with excitement.

“Intelligence?” MJ asked.

“Off the charts. No way they won’t be on the same level. Also, did you see the abs?” Ned asked.

“You mean the ones literally showing through his shirt? I saw. The honeyed accent is no slouch either. I’m thrilled to see what happens tomorrow.” MJ hugged Ned when they reached his apartment and practically skipped to hers.

-----

“I can’t believe I missed meeting Harley!” Peter groaned.

“We’ll go back today so we can meet him,” Abbie rolled her eyes. Peter lit up, a grin gracing his lips, and his dimples gracing Abbie. After class MJ and Ned led the way to the garage, having a heated debate on MJ’s latest book. Abbie was studiously ignoring Peter as he tried to pry information out of her.

“Come on, you never tell us about him. I’ve been so curious. I mean he’s your platonic soulmate and that’s adorable.” Abbie rolled her eyes at him.

“You’ll meet him in just a minute, Parker. Calm the fuck down.” Abbie bumped his hip against Peter’s. The boy huffed and crossed his arms. MJ opened the door to the shop, and they were once again blasted with ACDC. Peter’s eyebrows jumped in surprise.

Harley was working on the same car when they walked in, but this time, he was under it. Abbie walked up and hit the hood of the car. Harley’s legs jerked as he jumped in surprise.

“Ow! Fuck! Abbie!” Harley rolled out from under the car and jumped up, glaring at his sister. She gave him a sweet smile.

“Sorry Harls. Just letting you know we’re here. Also, you didn’t meet him yesterday. This is Peter.” Abbie flung her arm out, pulling Peter out from behind MJ and Ned. Peter’s eyes widened, following the line of grease smudged on Harley’s neck.

“Oh you. Fuck me.” Peter muttered. Harley grinned and leaned back onto the car. Harley held up his wrist that said ‘Oh you. Fuck me’ in Peter’s notorious chicken scratch.

“Maybe not now, but hopefully soon, darlin’.” Harley smirked as Peter’s eyes widened. MJ and Ned were trying their hardest not to laugh. Peter held up his matching wrist and grinned.

“Well, who'd've thought.” Abbie smirked, grinning between the two who she now thought of as her brothers.

[call-signvalkyrie]

90 Days pt. 1

This might turn into a series depending on how you guys like it? I was inspired by the song “90 Days” by P!NK ft. Wrabel. 

Pairings: F! Reader x Dean Winchester

Tags: Curse words, angst, thats really all currently

Word Count: 3,570 i think? short beginning i know sorry its been a while

We're driving in a black car

And it's blacked out and we're spinnin'

We're listening to "Fast Car"

And you're driving fast and you're singin'

Don't wanna tell you what I'm feelin'

Don't want this night to hit a ceiling

“Dean, how could you do that to her? Don’t you see how heartbroken she was?” Sam yelled as he stepped out of the Impala.

“It’s not my fault, Sammy. She’s just not my type.”

Sam stared at his brother in shock.

“She poured her heart out to you! You slept with her! How could you just walk away like that?”

Sam was angry, angrier than he had been in a long time. His best friend was gone and it was all Dean’s fault.

“You know what, Sam. Why don’t you just mind your own Goddamned business, alright? I fucked her, so what? Things would have never lasted anyway. And plus, like I said she just isn’t my type.” Dean shrugged, brushing past his brother but Sam caught him by the arm.

“Look, Dean” Sam paused as his brother turned to look a him.

“I know, alright? I know how you really feel about her. I know this is just one big excuse to get her away from you because of the whole “Hunters Cant Settle Down” thing you’ve got in your head. But that girl was different. Y/N was worth it.” Sam turned so he was face to face with the older Winchester. “I just hope you realize what the fuck you just lost.”

“I didn’t loose anything but extra baggage.” he lied.  

Dean lied through his teeth. He lied to himself, he lied to Sam and worst of all, he lied to you. He loved you, dammit. He loved you more than he had loved anyone or anything in this whole world. Sam was right, thats why he had to do it. He knew he could never be good enough for you and the last thing he wanted to do was say goodbye to you. So, in true Dean fashion, he broke your heart.

You had moved in with the Winchesters about a year and a half ago. They found you, helpless and near death after a Werewolf attacked your family. You had no one else left when the attack was over. Your mom was a single mother and you were still living at home to help with your younger siblings. That thing destroyed everything you ever cared about so naturally, you wanted nothing else in life other than to see it’s monstrous form eradicated from the planet. You never thought in a million years you would fall head over heals in love with Dean Winchester in the process.

In the beginning, you were shy around both men. You warmed up to Sam first. He did his best to make you feel comfortable on long nights on the road, giving you his flannels or jacket to use as a make shift blanket. He even helped you decorate your bedroom when you moved into the bunker. Dean, however, was more cautious. He would occasionally offer advice when you were learning how hunting goes; teaching you to shoot your gun and handle weapons. You were never sure how much he trusted you though. That was until a Rugaru hunt went haywire and you saved his life. That was when he knew, as cliche as it was. He was in love. Of course, he couldn’t tell you that. Just like you would never tell him how you felt. The months of lingering touches and winks gave it all away though. The almost overnight interest in you didn’t help either.

~ Six Months Earlier~

“Hey, Y/N! C’mere, wanna show you something.” Sam said, calling from where you thought was the kitchen.

“Yeah, man. Whats up?”

You rounded the corner into the kitchen and your jaw dropped. In front of you was the best looking array of breakfast items you had seen in  along time.

“Surprise!” The brothers said in unison.

“Happy Birthday!” Sam smiled, pulling you in for a huge bearhug. Dean came over to meet you with a huge stack of pancakes with a few candles on top.

“Happy Birthday, Y/N,” he said softly, “We know its not much but we wanted to celebrate as well as we could.”

“It’s wonderful, you guys! Thanks so much!” you smiled widely, taking the plate of pancakes and taking a seat at the table.

“Holy cow, these are great! Did you make this, Sam?”

“Actually, I made them.” Dean said, walking over to take a seat opposite you.

“These are amazing!” You said, mouth full of buttery golden goodness. “Seriously, the best I think I’ve ever had!”

“Okay, now we know thats a lie!” Sam laughed, lightly punching his brother in the shoulder.

“Hey! Let the lady speak. It’s not every day I get such a nice complement from such a pretty lady.” Dean said, throwing a wink in your direction. You just rolled your eyes and laughed. He was just being nice because it was your birthday. Little did you know, that was far from the case.

[smol-dap]

Could you do some hc’s where beej is being a mischevious little doofus and hatches a plan to scare you a bunch (but in a way where you wouldn’t realise it’s him) so that you’ll snuggle him for comfort a bunch >:3

Okay lets do this now that im npt ipwet thay thay whole thong was deleted.

.

-So basically,, it would be odd if you didnt know about this demons story n all.

-Literally the ghost with most and a bioexcorcist. Cmon! Is that not something you should freak out over or what?

-Thing is. He hasn't scared you yet. Hes done pranks like spiders in the cereal or maggots in milk but nothing truly as frightening as you know he could pull off.

-At some point you'd just given up on his scare tactics yknow? Like, he wasnt gonna try so why even care?

-Y'see here buddy. This was all part of his plan. He'd been watching you for quite some time yknow. Trying to pick apart what scares you or just grosses you out.

-He figured like old folk lore really frightened you from time to time because yoy really cant determine whether or not mermaids are real or if nessie truly exists.

-But fret not my sweet noodle. For he is here to make your wildest fears come true.

-And so, there came a week where Beej completely dropped off the face of the earth (haha)

-In doing so this caused some... problems.

-You literally stressed out assuming that maybe he'd went to hang out with Lyds or maybe he died for a 3rd time and actually went to the netherworld

-It was unbelievably frightening to think about. Especially on the 4th day where you ended up curled on the couch holding a pillow of some sort that Beej would sleep on when he was feelin lazy.

-However, the last day. The 7th one of the week to be exact. Your stress level was high and your hopes were low of him ever coming back to see you. Your anxiety of never getting to talk to him or hear his gruff voice made you scared.

-You clasped your arms around the blanket and the pillow and hopped upon the couch. It was raining. Thundering quite hard actually. It hadn't rained like this since the last spring.

-The power would dlicker ever so often but thats to be expected of an old rickety house.

-However, what is not to be expected is knocks at your door. This woukd be normal if it wasn't the dead of night. Normally a dog or cat would get lost and claw on your door for food or something but not this late at night.

-A little shiver went down your spine as you saw a silhouette of a man walk passed the door and lean against window. He was seemingly peering in.

-The lights shut off and turned back on (like every scary movie trope) and the man was gone. By now you were shaking a little. Enough to not go unnoticable for sure.

-There was a loud thud upstairs. You stood too fast and almost fell over (iron deficiency gang😏✊✊✊) in an instant.

-Your frail hands let go of the blanket and you silently crept to the edge of the stair case.

-You hesitantly began to step up the stair case. But as soon as your foot hit that lower step. It seemed like you were falling face first into a kaleidoscope.

-To be honest it hurt your eyes too much but you kept them open in fear. Not even noticing the scream escaping your lips was more frightening than this.

-You hit the bottom of the trampoline and out of the corner of your eyes you saw scorpions and snakes forming a little circle around you.

-The fact that there was circus music set you off the most. The most unpleasant feeling youve felt all week now is the uncomfortable sensation of spikey little legs crawling up and down your torso and through your hair.

-You coughed and thwackwd, thrashed, and screamed. God this was disgusting! It made you think of beetle juice though and for a moment there you stopped.

-The music stopped. The animals stopped. But the trampoline propelled you up into your house. You slammed into a coated wall of balloons and hit your couch. Roughly enough to make you pass out.

-When you awoke you couldnt help yourself but sob a little. For some odd reason you remember a hand grabbing your ankle and twisting it until it broke.

-Thabk god it wasnt real. But what was real was a familiar scruffy big bear floating over your with his hands on your face.

-Y'see his whole doo-dad was to get you so scared that you would never let go of him. That thought only made his hair brighten 10x the neon expectancy. So accidenrally slamming you was NOT in the book.

-"Babes? Babes are you okay? You look like you just had the worsr nightmare ever?" He kinda chuckled but hid hair remained a faint yellowish green. If he could pull off the fact that you might just think it was a dream he'd have a perfect win.

-and so he does.

-Your hands wrap around that crunchy little man and you wrap your legs around him. You pull him in for the tightest hug and just start bawling uncontrollably.

-To be honest, you werent scared of whayever just happened and wether it was a dream or reality. You were just scared of never being able to talk to him again. And expressing that to him was horrifying.

-You watched as his expression soften and he wiped little tears off your face and smiled your fear away. You held him so tight that you felt as if he could pop at any second.

-For Beej, this was a double win. Feeling needed and getting the affection hes been hoping for for a week. If God/Satan could see him or even hear him now, he'd thank them for letting him be so smooth with what hes done to keep you as his friend.

---

goD IM SORRY THIS TOOK 4 DAYS i just had to come back from not being upset over thay stupid ass tumblr glitch. But thamk yoy ily please ask more

[nightglider124]

U doin okay night? Saw ur posts from yesterday and u seemed rly low? Hope ur feelin happier today? :/

Ha... you know... not really tbh. Ive been feeling really shit for a while and honestly... i just feel really alone. I dont feel i have anyone around me and i feel like... most of my friends, both in real life and on here merely tolerate me nowadays rather than wanting to speak to me.

Not that anyone does really try to speak to me much anymore. I feel like most people ignore me or just dont actually like me anymore, even people who i consider friends. Nobody seems interested in things i say or do much anymore and its okay, i’d get sick of me too after a while ha.

But ya know thats the thing about depression. It cant be helped and tbh, its been getting steadily worse for me. Its gone downhill and im finding it harder to be happy go lucky and positive nowadays.

Despite what some people might think, i hate me too bc I know all i do is complain and be unhappy lately and im no fun so im not surprised people have stopped bothering with me. I know i whine and i moan and I just am not really joyful to interact with. I get it and i dont blame people for wanting to leave me to it.

Im a hassle and im a burden and i feel that already. I know it so its fine.

Just like i know there are probably people who i consider friends reading this and shrugging or rolling their eyes bc yet again, im posting about being upset. Like i said, i get it and i know im a bother.

But at the same time... it really hurts when my feelings dont even get acknowledged meanwhile someone else has an upset episode and people rush to make them feel better immediately. Idk i guess im just tired of feeling like i dont matter to anyone.

Im... just really not in happy spirits most days as of late and... idk if its gonna go away. Tomorrow i might be happy and positive and “back to normal” but then it might all go to shit again the next day.

I didnt mean for this answer to turn into a vent and im sorry for being a depressing little shit.

I truly see it and understand why people dont like me much nowadays. Its why im trying to stay off here some more and why ive stayed logged out of discord the last couple days too.

Just feels better if i stay in my little corner and keep to myself where i dont annoy others haha.

But thanks for checking in. It really is appreciated. 💜

[tobacconist]

my house got hit with a nasty strike of bad luck last night, all at once, i think around one o clock till about half past; i blame the full moon in scorpio (i believe saturn, venus, and pluto were retrograde at the time too. not sure if they still are)

i didnt feel like writing it at the time because i was too upset

had a really good day before then too. dads been depressed recently and wed sat out in the sunshine n had a smoke n laugh. we played dominoes later on.

ill say it started with my dad gettin absolutely wankered, like really fuckin drunk n stoned, the kind of wankered where you think youre completely fine but you aint and you wont listen to anyone telling you to sit the fuck down or go to bed

anyway, mum went to bed about 11, told us both to get to bed early (because she is the only sensible person in this house) dad said he was going soon after he’d finished his wine (like he does every night) but he filled his glass a few more times and stayed up.

eventually he went to bed, i told him not to keep coming down to pester me and that id go soon after. of course he came down a few times (its like an incredibly unfunny farce every night) to eat crisps and drunkenly ask me why i wasnt in bed ‘give me some fuckin peace and i’ll likely go to bed sooner!’ i said its a farce

i was trying to think about designing an expanded dominoes set which also functions as a jenga set, and perhaps could be used as some kind of analog calculator a bit like an abacus. i was looking up variations on the game of dominoes and thinking about the esoteric significance of the game

of course i couldnt think about it in peace for long, cus dad came down once again to ask me why i wasnt in bed yet ‘because you wont let me have any fucking peace to think!’ i said ‘the sooner you go to bed the sooner i go to bed!’ it really is like this every fuckin night

‘alright, alright, im going to bed. dont be too long’ he said.  then i heard the dog coming down the stairs ‘fuck sake! dont wake mum up for fuck sake, she’ll come down and yell at both of us!’ i thought then he said (to the dog) ‘oh, do you need a wee?’ n then i got a real bad feeling that i couldnt really place, like everything was going to suddenly go wrong.

i hide his wineglass because for fuck sake if he comes back downstairs im not gonna get any peace hes bumblin around makin a load of noise, then he shuts the door so i presume the dogs inside.

then he comes to me! asking me where the dog is, i say ‘didnt you just let him out? is he inside?’ he shouts to my poor mother, who is just trying to sleep ‘is the dog up there with you!’ she yells back ‘NO! YOUVE JUST LET HIM OUTSIDE YOU STUPID BASTARD!’ or words to that effect. she’s really angry and im like ‘hhhhhhhhhh fuck sake’

i start panicking, for personal insane paranoid reasons (basically a picture of my dog taken that day had a strange lense flare from the sun that, sorta, yknow in the film the omen where they take a picture but theres a weird streak on it and then later the person gets impaled by a huge steel beam. looked sort of like a downward swung scythe to me. praying its just the light, but yeah i got really paranoid.) so i was suddenly like ‘holy shit holy shit is something going to happen to my dog’, i grab my torch and sprint into the garden with my shoes on the wrong feet. i hear my dog suddenly yelp and im genuinely prepared for the worst.

mum had come downstairs now and was yelling like fuck at my dad, who was barely lucid, like, not even understanding why she was angry, and that jus made her angrier)

thankfully, my dog was okay. hed found a hedgehog in the garden, once again, and was once again trying to beat it up and play with it.  i grab his collar and send him back inside. i look at the hedgehog. its all curled up, and i can see that its bleeding. its breathing still though, breathing really heavily. i half cover my torch so as not to frighten it any more and watch it for a bit.

i go back into the kitchen and my mum asks whats wrong, i hesitate for a moment and then tell her dog was being nasty to a hedgehog. i should tell you that hedgehogs are my mums favourite animals, she collects ornaments and paintings of hedgehogs. she really loves them

i dont really know what to do, so i go to the fridge and get an egg and crack it half open, i go back outside and leave it nearby. i notice that mums come outside too, and she asks where it is. i dont want to scare it anymore by getting too close so i just shine the torch on it for a few seconds and point out where its bleeding.

we go back inside, now both feeling really sad. dad is wandering around the house demanding to know where his wine glass is not at all aware of whats happened. mum says shes gonna go for a cig and then try to go back to bed.

i shut the dog in the back room with the curtains closed, i only do that when hes really bad. was too sad even to yell at him. left him in there on his own for atleast an hour an d a half. really disappointed in him. i hope he realises what he did was bad, and i hope he never does it again. hedgehogs are friends.

i went into the living room and sat down and had a drink. dad was still wandering round looking for his wine glass. i say ‘you know the dog just really hurt a hedgehog’ he says ‘dont tell me that right now, i dont want to hear it. where have you put my wine glass!??’ hes just madly looking around calling me a thief, i tell him i havent stolen it, just moved it, but hes drunk too much anyway’ this is another another weekly farce.

he finds it eventually, and sits down. my mum comes in the room now, and i can tell she’d been crying. she says maybe we should put it in a cardboard box or something, i say i dont want to disturb or traumatise it anymore, and it wouldnt want to be in our house anyway. we discuss it for a while, dad keeps making suggestions about what takeaways are open or something because hes half asleep and not actually listening to what were saying.

eventually we decide that i’ll check on it in a few hours to see if its still there or dead or what and if its still alive then i’ll put it in a box and see if we can take it to the vets in the morning (not likely, since theyre only open for emergencies atm)

she goes to bed, dad goes a little while after, still smugly talking about how i should be in bed and mumll be upset if im up to late, cus hes completely out of it

then, just as i put youtube on to distract myself, the internet goes down for like 15 minutes.

i jus sit there refreshing the page. it comes back on after a little while.

i idly browse but cant enjoy anything. i think about writing a tumblr post about it (as i am doing now) but it feels wrong at the time.

i open omegle and tell the first person who’ll listen jus to get it off my chest, theyre very kind, and then we idly chat about some shit. i start to feel better.

then i go have a look in the garden; the hedgehog is gone and the egg is unfinished. i dont know if that means a fox got it, or whether it shuffled away somewhere to die or if it was ok and it wandered off thinking ‘never fucking ever coming to this garden again!’ hopefully the last, but thats still sad. i know hedgehogs are pretty resilient animals. i hope it was okay

i let the dog out of the room about 2 because he started scratching at the door. i didnt say anything i just sent him up to bed. he had an ashamed face. i hope he never does it again.

then i stayed on omegle all night until about 6am. stupid thing to do but i felt better after a while. 

i feel the evil energy was gone in the morning. the moon has begun to wane and moved into sagittarius. mum seems alright. dont know if dad remembers anything from late last night. im feelin okay, jus real hungover. drank a lot more than i meant to

dont think im gonna proof read this so it might be a bit rambling. jus wanna get it off my chest

[malewifekane]

rules: answer 22 questions and then tag 22 people

thank you @kierantripps for the tag!!!

nicknames: matty, matt, and matt the twat (my sisters v nice to me x)

height: 5'2 and 5'4 with my insoles in bc im insecure 🤠

last movie i saw: i was feelin a little nostalgic so i made myself some top quality aldi microwave popcorn and threw on james and the giant peach fjdfhsgsh

last thing i googled: 'why does bleach make me sneeze' bc i was cleaning the kitchen and had a massive fit until i couldn't feel my nose anymore xx

favourite musician: changes allll the time but atm? probably the marías bc they remind me of sitting on a balcony on a warm day in spain and watching the people on the beach :'))

song stuck in my head: exit music (for a film) by radiohead bc im rewatching the umbrella academy with my sister bc im on my easter holidays and fuck revising for gcses 🤪

other blogs?: used to have an 'aesthetic' blog but i couldnt be arsed to keep up with it so i deleted it press f to pay respects

following: 88 blogs and i love every single one of u xx

followers: 194 😎 sorry lads cant handle this fame off to la to become a child star and inevitably fall into a life of deep self regret xx

amount of asks: i like to answer every one i get bc i hate having a messy inbox but there's one i got years ago that i just??? dont know how to answer but ave never got down to deleting it so its always been there

lucky number: 25 bc its half of 50 and thats half of 100

what are you wearing?: my sexy third kid shirt with kanes name and number on the back w/ some camo leggings and cute socks of penguins jumping off an iceberg with them saying splash :)

dream job: wanna be an artist or something arty like a fashion designer or a creative director. dont really see myself doing anything else really yikes

dream trip: wanna go to canada to meet my friend ive known for almost 4 years now and also to seoul to get a bunch of tats done and tokyo during cherry blossom season :'))

favourite food: anyone who can make me a thai green curry can automatically get it tbh

instruments: i can play the guitar, piano, violin and ive finally figured out how to blow into a flute without fainting from the lack of oxygen xx

languages: fluent in english, turkish, i know some spanish and im learning latin (not a tory i swear)

favourite song: right now its probably ruthless by the marías

random fact: my favourite thing to tell people is that snails!!!! have best friends and they get lonely when they're separated from eachother so when you spot two snails close together dont move one of them away bc that might be their ride or die

aesthetic: cups of tea with 4 spoonfuls of sugar and way too much milk in them, karaoke nights at a pub with the same people singing the same songs every friday night, playing minecraft at 2 am in peaceful mode with a thick hoodie on, retro arcades that eat up all of your money, drinking cans of gin on the rooftop of a hotel, golden hour in the back of an old car with barely any room to move your legs

~

right lads dont think im actually gonna hit 22 people but we'll see how far i get 🤝🏼

@eriksensational @king-kane @king-kante @king-dele @onlycostfivemil @nolifeoftheparty @nogirl @ninetyminutesofsuffering @niguezsaul @thegameisaboutglory @sendinthehuskies @oliolir @category-5-harry-kane @glowinghendo @deleealli @lovesomehate plus anyone else who thinks theyd have fun doing this (v sorry if ive tagged you and u dont wanna do it xx)

[scnzoku]

► NAME ➔ “... Caulifla.” ► ARE YOU SINGLE? ➔  “the hell’re ya talkin ‘bout?” ► ARE YOU HAPPY? ➔  “yeah, i mean, why wouldn’t i be?” ► ARE YOU ANGRY? ➔ “wHATS IT TO YA, HUH??” ► ARE YOUR PARENTS STILL MARRIED? ➔ “i unno, i aint never met them.”

NINE FACTS.

► BIRTHPLACE ➔   ”Sadala - in one of the richer sides of the big city..” ► HAIR COLOUR ➔   "uh, i guess earthlings would call it .. black?” ► EYE COLOUR➔   “again, black.” ► BIRTHDAY ➔   “uh ... not really sure i know what a birthday is, man...” ► MOOD ➔   “ i aint too bad, ta.” ► GENDER ➔   “i’m a girl, my dude.” ► SUMMER OR WINTER? ➔  "i unno what those are but if ya meanin’ weather n’ shit i like it when its hot.” ► MORNING OR AFTERNOON? ➔   "umm, afternoon -- cuz thats when dinner is.”

EIGHT THINGS ABOUT YOUR LOVE LIFE.

► ARE YOU IN LOVE? ➔  “what?? shut up -- nO YOU’RE BLUSHIN’” ► DO YOU BELIEVE IN LOVE AT FIRST SIGHT? ➔  "is that like lookin’ at someone and thinkin’ they hot as shit? .. oh. ... then no.” ► WHO ENDED YOUR LAST RELATIONSHIP? ➔   ”she did, .. said i didn’t have any direction in life or .. whatever. fuck ‘em.” ► HAVE YOU EVER BROKEN SOMEONE’S HEART? ➔  "i don’t think so? i aint been in that many relationships where i ended ‘em.” ► ARE YOU AFRAID OF COMMITMENTS? ➔  “a wha? i dunno what that means.” ► HAVE YOU HUGGED SOMEONE WITHIN THE LAST WEEK? ➔  "... no” ► HAVE YOU EVER HAD A SECRET ADMIRER? ➔ "dunno... probably not.” ► HAVE YOU EVER BROKEN YOUR OWN HEART? ➔ ”... broken my own heart? how the fuc do you even do that?”

SIX CHOICES.

► LOVE OR LUST? ➔ “hmmm ... think i’ll go lust fer now. that’s more fun.” ► LEMONADE OR ICE TEA? ➔  “uh.. lemonade.” ► A FEW BEST FRIENDS OR MANY REGULAR FRIENDS? ➔ “i reckon a few  best mates is best.” ► WILD NIGHT OUT OR ROMANTIC NIGHT IN? ➔ “ah shit, man i dunno -- depends on my mood.” ► DAY OR NIGHT? ➔ “i like the night better.”

FIVE HAVE YOU EVERS.

► BEEN CAUGHT SNEAKING OUT? ➔ "not even once, i’m hella good. these days though it don’t matter. i’m my own damn boss.” ► FALLEN DOWN / UP THE STAIRS? ➔ ”wHO TOLD YOU? IT WAS ONE TIME, OKAY. jeez, y’ trip over yer own pants oNE TIME ...” ► WANTED SOMEONE / SOMETHING SO BADLY IT HURT? ➔ “i mean, i really wanted to beat the crap out of goku and got a point blank energy blast to the face -- that super hurt.” ► WANTED TO DISAPPEAR? ➔ “not .. not so much these days. when i was younger? sure.”

FOUR PREFERENCES.

► SMILE OR EYES? ➔  “eyes are my favourite.” ► SHORTER OR TALLER? ➔  "taller! tall girls are tHE BEST.” ► INTELLIGENCE OR ATTRACTION? ➔ “uhhh... damn thats hard man ... i’ll go intelligence” ► HOOK-UP OR RELATIONSHIPS? ➔ “urgh, depends on how i’m feelin’... hook ups are just easier somedays.”

FAMILY.

► DO YOU AND YOUR FAMILY GET ALONG? ➔ "uh, well i mean i never met my parents annnnd my brother lives on the other side of the planet soooo ... probably not.” ► WOULD YOU SAY YOU HAVE A “MESSED UP LIFE?” ➔ “oh hell no. i got a pretty normal ass life compared to some of the kids i’ve taken in.” ► HAVE YOU EVER RUN AWAY FROM HOME? ➔  "i ... wouldn’t really call it runnin’ away from home, it never felt like one. i ran away from a house to my new home in the slums.” ► HAVE YOU EVER GOTTEN KICKED OUT? ➔ “hah, who the fuck was gonna kick me out? hahahahahah.”

FRIENDS.

► DO YOU SECRETLY HATE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS? ➔  “if i hated the cunt then they wouldn’t be my mate now would they??“ ► DO YOU CONSIDER ALL OF YOUR FRIENDS GOOD FRIENDS? ➔ “fuck yeah, dude” ► WHO IS YOUR BEST FRIEND? ➔  “mmm i don’t really got just one best mate, me an Kale are pretty tight, but also serori is too.” ► WHO KNOWS EVERYTHING ABOUT YOU? ➔ “Kale, pretty hard to hide shit from someone who you were fused to and shared a brain with”