#these are the first selfies ive taken in so long

[lengthenedshadows]

since I got sick I've been feeling weird about being Witnessed bc I feel like I look so different... but I'm trying to get over that, so here's a couple hot-mess barefaced pics of the self indulgent yarrow crown I made today in the work truck between properties

[octuscle]

Could you make me a jock?

I'm lost in life , and IV never been able to fulfill my dreams

Iv always wanted to play football, but it never happened

Those jocks are hot, cocky, built and horny with leaking dicks

If I could just wear the kit , I'd be happy, but to play , I'd do anything, i would obey anyone for it to come reality

Bruh, you're 22 years old now… A bit young to be having a midlife crisis already, isn't it? It's not too late to turn things around. Your job at the supermarket checkout doesn't have to be the end of your life.

Friday morning. Almost the weekend. At last. Your transformation process starts with the alarm clock ringing at 06:00. Yes, you don't actually have to get up until 07:30, but this way you can go to the gym before work in the morning. For the first few minutes, you still think it's a terrible idea. After your protein shake, you don't think it's so bad anymore. Once you're lying on the weight bench, you can't wait for your muscles to start burning.

When you open the store at 08:00, nobody is there yet. Sure, you don't open for another hour. But you're proud to be a store manager at just 24 years old. And you take your job seriously. When the first customer comes through the door, everything has to be perfect. Shortly before 09:00, everyone is in position. You check your reflection in the mirror again. Hell yes! You look hot. You've been torturing your body every day for six years. You're still mourning the missed opportunity to start exercising in high school. Maybe then you would have become a competitive athlete, maybe even a professional. As it is, you're just a damn broad man in your mid-20s.

The place is packed. Many customers come in just because of you. You're a bit of a celebrity around here. Quarterback of the local team. Some even want selfies with you or an autograph. You go back to the gym for your lunch break. You're 29 years old. You have to make the most of every opportunity if you want to stay fit. And tonight you have to get back on the field. Your team is relying on you. Your memories fade as you pump… Supermarket? Damn it, you're not a loser! You played football as a freshman in high school. Okay, you never became one of the greats… But you have over ten years as a pro behind you. Maybe you're not the fastest on the field anymore. But you can take a hell of a lot more than all the young wimps.

The photos for the new calendar are taken before the game. Like every year, you're Mr. February. The Superbowl month. The Superbowl will remain a dream. Let's see how long you'll still be active as a professional. But you don't care either. You're having a lot of fun. And when the damn photographer is finally finished, you wank into your helmet. That's good luck!

Calendar page of February has been published @maxx-magnum

[infinitelytheheartexpands]

Le prophète (Karlsruhe, 2015): Reactions, Part IV

annnnnnnnnnnnd let’s finish this up!

well lookie there how the turn tables 

(they’re gonna hand over the prophet to the invaders in exchange for their own impunity)

also: evil laughs of evilness

taken to a secondary location! (also COOL!!! we get a slightly different version of this opening!)

she deserves so much better and this aria is so beautiful

edit: i don’t think i’ve ever heard this version of the ending? but it’s SO beautiful

“i don’t wanna use the hose”

“but it’s your turn to use it!”

this aria is ALWAYS a knockout

and here comes jean with a GUN 

GO OFF FIDÈS YOU TELL HIM

“i just wanted to get revenge on this ONE guy”

“well LOOK WHAT YOU’VE DONE. IT’S OBVIOUSLY GOTTEN A BIT OUT OF HAND”

(and of course, a delicious bit of irony: when jean DID have a chance to get his revenge back in act 3, he did not take it, so…)

maybe, just maybe, everything will work out!

berthe’s genius idea: suicide-bombing the palace.

because that’s totally normal

she’s traumatized and she still doesn’t even know the half of it yet

dreaming of a better life awaiting them… and maybe, just maybe, everything will work out!

(also: beautiful trio)

AND THERE IT IS

oh BERTHE

she deserved so much better. they all did

this berthe is just BRINGING THE DRAMA

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO (also this extended death scene has no right to be that beautiful)

okay cool. so you’re going with berthe’s idea from earlier. totally won’t go badly!

everyone loves a good party

and he’s the life of the party i guess…but won’t be for very long…

NOT THE CHORISTERS TAKING SELFIES WITH HIM LMAOOOOOOOOO

also: it’s the end of the world might as well throw in a couple surprise high Cs

the po-pos are here

annnnnnnnnnnnnnd there it is

she came back forever

edit: omg SHE has a gun too

okay this seemed anticlimactic at first but the very end was SO COOL and i couldn’t get it in photos very well but WOW that was actually really well done (even if the whole thing didn’t blow up as per the stage directions. how are you gonna cause an entire set to just burn down and collapse anyway)

but yeah. SO COOL.

anyway this was a VERY well done production!!! bravissimi tutti!!!

[beginagainbook]

Chapter 22

Read it on AO3

Read it on Wattpad

The days passing slowly started to mend together as Alex moped around in her hospital room all day. Staring out at the birds through her windows, or writing poetry on her phone, she was slowly running out of activities to do to keep her busy. She talked to her friends as often as she could, but even they were busier than she was.

She imagined all the things she could be doing right now. Dancing; singing; auditioning for theatre; writing more music in the studio; working on music videos; working on visualizers; celebrating the release of her single; furthering her relationship with Oliver; watching Benji's play

Speaking of Benji's play, Alex had successfully convinced Avery to ask Oliver to go. It was an extended game of messenger, but she was thankful that it was happening. She wasn't able to go, and she needed every detail about what happened from Oliver. She didn't want him there as a reviewer, but a friend of a friend. He didn't do this very often, but Alex knew he'd do it for her.

He'd make his way down to the theatre and talk to Benji, probably congratulate him on his performance while patting a hand on his back. Alex could envision it now. The two men standing side by side, one in a suit and one in a costume. Maybe he'll get a playbill signed for her. She'd have to ask him.

She ran a hand through her ratty, tangled mess of a head of hair. It was greasy and it screamed in need for a shower. It had been over a week of sponge bathes, over a week of bed rotting, and over a week of morphine. It had been too long. Her only reprise was the fact that physical therapy was today, meaning she could get rooms transferred if she could just prove that she could care for herself.

A piece of her wondered how that would even be possible when she smells the way she does. It would be a dead giveaway that she needed help. She brushed the thought away to the side and pulled her phone out. She'd ultimately given up on her no phone rule. That was impossible here, especially when she didn't want to cart all her journals into the room. She could make do with her phone.

She scrolled through her social media's again. She had taken to retweeting a few words of support, and she was considering making another post. Many news stations had picked up her words, and she was even in the local news. She watched one night as the glow of the TV illuminated her body in the bed, her own face popping on screen for just a moment. A selfie.

A truly surreal experience. She hadn't tried to reach out to her managers or PR yet, because that seemed like something you do when you're more stable. Something to do when you're getting your career on track. Alex couldn't focus on her career, not right now. She needed to focus on herself, and Greg and Charles weren't apart of that.

This was why she liked Oliver, in the end. He understood her. He didn't ask her about work, or about anything else that didn't matter. When they talked, it was focused on the brutalities of the world and what they both were forced to experience. It was light hearted, sometimes, sure. But it was the cruel truth laid out exactly as it had happened. It was hard not to gain feelings when you talk about things so serious like that.

Alex let a sigh escape her lips as she scrolled over towards Instagram. She slid over to the 'Story' feature and look a photo of her IVs. She had two in her arm today, one in each vein. She didn't know what they did. Alex had never been keen on listening to those in authority. She figured that's how most of her issues with Oliver started in the first place.

He was the ultimate authority. He ruled over a large majority of the spheres she existed in, whether it was music, theatre, or performing. He was always there as the grueling force that halted her progress to a swift stop. She tried to understand it, but she truly didn't. He had tried to explain it to her in the past, but it didn't make sense.

He said at one point that he was trying to fix it, though. It was an interesting way of phrasing it. Fix it, as if he had broken it or done something wrong. Alex believed there was a reason she wasn't selected during the Survive showcasing, she just didn't know what that reason was. Was she not good enough? Was it her image at the time? Was it the fighting? The drugs? Everette? What, in the end, pulled her progress swiftly to a close?

She was pulled out of her train of thoughts by a knock on the door. "Hello?" She called out as an older man in a white lab coat walked in. It was a doctor, but she didn't recognize him as one of her own doctors from any of her stays here, including this current one. He was older, maybe in his 50s, and he had round glasses sat across his nose.

He adjusted his glasses as he spoke, walking towards her bed frame. "Hi, Ms. Gray! I'm Dr. Graham, I'll be your physical therapist! Are you ready to be wheeled down there?" Alex sat up in her bed, feeling her stitches ache a bit as she did. "Yes, I am so ready to get out of here."

He let out a chuckle and walked towards the end of her bed. He unlocked a few switches on the bed before walking towards the headboard and doing the same. "Well, let's first assess where you are in your treatment. Then, we can talk about getting you back up to your suite."

Alex nodded as the bed began to move, rolling out of the room. She and all her IVs were pulled into the hallway and she saw as the white and brown room slowly transformed into a desolate white fluorescent lit landscape of long corridors and the view of other patients rooms. "We'll be taking you to the PT room a floor up" The doctor said as he pushed her bed along the hallway, furthering the distance between Alex's new hospital room and her.

"Will my bed even fit in the elevator?" She asked out, looking around at the walls. There was the occasional painting thrown up on the wall, attempting to bring life into a lifeless situation. Up in the corners of the hallway, Alex could see a circular mirror hooked up to the wall to see all directions. She could see herself in it, and how small she looked.

They made it to the end of the hallways where the elevators were. "Of course they will. The elevators were made with all bed sizes in mind. Imagine if there was no room to transport somebody to surgery and we had to carry them!"

A small smile danced across my face as the thought of doctors having to wait for the elevator because some patient was being hauled up. She stopped to consider if she had ever been here before as she her bed and IV were pushed into the elevator with the doctor standing near the door. "How far is it?" Alex asked as the doctor pushed a button on the elevator.

He turned to face her for a moment before turning away again. "Just up a floor and then down the hall. It's not too far." and with the ding of the elevator, she felt it start to move. She never particularly loved elevators. The feeling of weightlessness in her body, uncontrollable as it shot up in the sky. It was uncomfortable, but it was truly a different experience while lying down. It was like flying.

She closed her eyes for a moment and took a breath in. She could feel everything in her body, all her toes, the heels of her feet, her lowers legs and her knees, her upper tights, her pelvis, her torso, her wound, everything. It all felt weightless as they lifted up in the building, before meeting that loud 'Ding!' noise that indicated the doors were going to open.

She heard the creaking of the doors sliding open, and she watched as people made their way away from the doors to make room for her doctor to wheel her in. "Now, when we get to the room, I want you to sit up, but don't stand yet. I want you to be able to have a walker before you do."

Alex let out a small a grumble and a groan. "A walker? What am I, 85?"

He gave her a curious look as he pushed her down the hallway. "If you stand up and your body can't handle the pressure, you could double over and rip your stitches clear open." Alex physically cringed at the thought of that. That would hurt. A lot. "Then, they would have to re-stitch you up, and you'd be right back at square one of recovery."

She let out a sigh that came from the depths of her soul.  "Okay, a walker it is."

* * *

Her therapy session wasn't bad, per-say. Alex had to use the walker, and she waltz around the room with her hand on one bar of the grey walker and one hand on her IV bar trailing it along her. She got her steps in (About 150 of them) before her doctor told her to stop. He asked to check out her stitches, and she let him. They had held up just fine.

Next, she moved onto a blue ball that looked like it was made for yoga. The doctor told her it helped with squatting motions, to make sure she could bend over if needed. To make sure her core muscles were healing properly. He told her a LOT of things that she tried not to focus on as she bounced up and down on the ball.

"I'm doing pretty good, aren't I?" she would ask out to him, before being met with a nod before he'd go back towards his checklist. It wasn't very affirming to Alex. It didn't tell her one way or the other if she would be getting out of here. She was stressed, and tired, and by the time she made it back to her room, she was convinced she would be stuck there forever.

She could feel the anxiety picking up in the pit of her stomach, brewing there like a monster looking for it's great escape. She wanted to get out of the room. She was going crazy. She had to pass her physical therapy and get out of here.

She ripped the covers off of her bed and looked at the gown over her body. It was white with blue splotches over it, and she was wearing shorts underneath. The back drew together in two pieces and tied onto one another in small little bows, exposing a strip of skin down the middle of her back. She brushed her legs over the edge of her beds and wiggled her toes.

She jumped off the bed and landed her feet flat on the floor. She steadied her balance and noticed how she didn't need the walker. She didn't collapse underneath herself. She was stronger than they assumed. She paced around her room a little bit, and stood up straight, stretching her arms. She could feel her stitches sting a little bit, so she lessened how much pressure she put into her joints as she stretched.

She walked over towards the window and looked out it. It was the first time she could get a good view of the entire area. She put her hand up to it and felt the coldness of the glass beneath her fingertips. She wanted to be out there with all the people walking along the sidewalks, skating down on their skateboards, and living their lives freely. She didn't want to be trapped in here.

She turned back to face the door. She was still connected to her IVs, but nothing was stopping her from walking out of the room. She hadn't been hooked back up to everything since her PT session, and she wasn't on a catheter anymore. She could just use the excuse of using the bathroom.

She grabbed ahold of the metal bar that held all of her fluid bags and IV lines and trailed it along with her across the room. It was loud and clutter-y, and it took up a lot of space. It clunked and clattered as she moved and the sound of the wheels against the floor was grating. She would be caught out immediately, but at least she would make it out of her room. She grabbed out for the door handle, and it was cold between her other hand.

She swung it down and lugged open the door. She began to walk her walk out of the room, pretty much un-noticed. She was just here a couple hours ago, so the hallways were familiar to her. They screamed of desperation and release, and beckoned for somebody to give them a make over. Bleak and white. The lights shining down didn't make them look any better as afternoon started to wash over the building.

She rolled her way out of the hallway and down a main section of the building where a nurses desk was. The nurse raised her head towards Alex and looked around before speaking out. "Are you looking for someone, hun?"

Alex paused. "Um, the bathroom, actually." She lied. The nurses face lit up as she stood up. "Here. Let me help you." She walked over towards Alex and faced her towards the left. "All the way down there, the first door on the right."

Alex nodded towards her as she internalized this information. She was just glad to be anywhere else but that box she was trapped in the last week. She walked down the new hallway she was met with and found herself at the door the nurse had mentioned. She opened it and walked in, locking it behind her. She walked up to the mirror and looked at herself in it.

She looked tired, and her bruises were turning this yellowish-brown color that indicated healing. Despite this, her skin was pale and washed out, and she looked... tired. There were no words for how traumatized she looked at the moment. She let out a sigh and turned on the water, splashing a bit on her face. She pulled some paper towel away and wiped her face dry before tossing it away.

She opened the door to the bathroom again and made her way back to the nurses desk. From there, she found her original hallway, and eventually, her room. It wasn't the greatest randevu she had ever had but at least she got some air. As she looked through her tiny window on her door, she could see Oliver sitting at the chairs in her room. He was waiting for her.

She twisted the doorknob down to open it and she saw his head shoot over. "You're walking! I'm assuming PT went well?"

Alex pushed her IV bar back into the room before she shut the door behind her. "Yeah, I had to get out of here. I was going crazy." Oliver re-adjusted how he was sitting in his chair "Well, if you're walking, I can only guess that they'll approve you for a transfer. We have everything we need in J-Block so it's not hard to get you everything you need."

Alex nodded, excited at the idea. She could feel her heart pick up at the very idea of getting out of here. Finally. She felt like she was getting sores on her ass, that's how long she had been sitting here doing nothing. "Thank god. I'm not kidding. I'm going insane here. There's nothing to do all day. The TV replays the same five shows over and over again, and they're always re-runs. Nothing new. The food here is so bland, my taste buds could just pack it up and move on out at this point. And don't even get me started on the fucking piano out there."

Oliver seemed to be reeling by her rant. "Well, that's very brutally honest." Alex sat down in her bed, repositioning the covers over herself. "When have you known me to not be?" she had a spark in her eyes that could ignite the room around her.

"Never." He laughed out in reply. "You've never hidden your opinions. I just think maybe you don't like hospitals. I don't think it has to do with this room, or any other room you could be placed in. You don't like feeling trapped."

Alex nodded. This was very true. "I don't like being out of control." she eventually admitted to the man. She could trust him with her deepest darkest feelings, and she knew he would never judge her. She stared at his lips, and imagined all the ways she could kiss him. She would have to wait until she got better. Now was not the time to be thinking about that, she told herself.

She focused on the way he was wearing another suit, meaning he likely had a meeting today. "Well, you're trying to get better. That's what you should be focusing on, alright?" He spoke out, giving her a familiar glace as he did so. As if a light bulb went off, she had finally placed what the look he was giving her was. It was endearment.

Alex's lips curled. "I will. I just want to get out of here. I want to be back home"

Home, she thought to herself. This hotel had slowly become her home over the three months that she had been here. She couldn't imagine herself living anywhere else. She had a perfect suite that was decked out in a shade of pink that she couldn't place, because she wasn't an artist. It was rose pink. Very light, with pinks of tan or cream spilling through. She loved her room. Her home.

Oliver put a hand on the side of her bed. "I know that. We'll get things sorted out eventually." He left it there and stared deeply into her eyes. She could feel the way the pit of her stomach twisted in a fiery passion as she did so. He was so gorgeous. She snaked her hand over towards his and placed it on top. "You've been so busy. Are you going to Benji's play?" she asked out, seeking confirmation.

The man nodded back towards yes. "Yes, to both of those. I've been very busy. Lots of meetings and paperwork after what happened. I've been dealing with your contract, too. Trying to get things sorted out. I figured you should probably know about that. And... yes. Avery told me about the play. I've filled out a slot in my schedule for it. Don't think I'd go missing it."

She turned to respond to him, but she was cut off by the door swinging open. She coiled her hand back to her chest in an anxious fashion and eyed Oliver up, as if she were apologizing for her haste-y reaction. "Ms. Gray! I'm sorry to interrupt, but if I could just have a word with Mr. Haven, that would be splendid."

It was the same doctor from before, during PT. Oliver turned around to face the man, and then looked back towards Alex. She gave him an approving gesture reminiscent of a bow, and eyed up the doctor. Was she being sent home? Why couldn't he just say it in front of her? Was this a doctor to nurse kind of talk? What was happening?

She watched as Oliver and the doctor made their way out of the door and waited for the door to close before talking. She couldn't hear what they were saying, and she had never learned how to read lips. It was all gibberish to her. She let a sigh escape her lips and pulled out her phone again, looking at the story she never posted. She captioned it 'Getting Better Slowly' and hit sent on it.

She closed Instagram and swiped over to Twitter. She wanted to see what everyone was saying. She had deprived herself for so long against people's opinions, so she had no clue what they could be saying about her. When she opened it up, she was met with hundreds of thousands of comments.

This was outrageous. She never could've imagined this. She was a little E-Lister, she was a nobody, a might-have-been-one-day-but-never-was. She wasn't a REAL celebrity, and yet when she scrolled through her mentions, she saw all the regular pop news update accounts speaking about her. For the first time, ever, and it was about this. Her injuries, and not her music.

Everette really had stolen a lot from her. She wanted to celebrate this album, and this single's release had swiftly been slid out from underneath Alex's feet without her suspecting it. It wasn't fair, and she wanted to make up for it somehow. She had to make her next release just as epic...just as amazing as she had planned for the original.

She watched as Oliver made his way back into the room without the doctor. He had walked away while Alex was lost in thought. "So?" she asked out to the suited man.

"They're going to transfer you tonight."

[boojersey]

so hey guys heres a selfie dump i actually like lol?? i managed to not only lose weight but get myself mentally able to put on makeup and smile in the mirror for once and these are the first pictures ive taken of me with any ounce of instinctive love in months and long story short i may not have slept in over 48 hours but i feel ok for the first time in a long time rn

[tiikerikani]

Waiting for Senpai

(This one's long, so the whole thing is under the fold.)

(it's taken me all day to write this so the pictures have been added later.)

21.07.2022 Allas Sea Pool, Helsinki

I. 6:00 PM

Because I was running a bit late getting my work wrapped up before my vacation, I didn’t quite get to the place the whole 90 (or 120, even) minutes before entry, which meant that I missed the chance to dance to the sound check. (They always run at least through to the first chorus of Ei voittajaa, and if you’ve been reading this blog long enough you’d know I have a Very Special™ interpretive dance thing to this song.)

When I arrived, there was a some 10 metre long queue along the wall, by the door to the ticket counter. It took me a moment to realize that this was actually the queue for swimming pool tickets and the other queue was forming in front of the gate to the inner yard where the show is held. By ’forming’ I mean there were two young-ish women standing there. Another group came to the same realization at about the same time I did so I ended up behind them.

When the superfan couple arrived, this time I waved at them first. Ha!

II. 6:55 PM

When the gate opened, the front row by the stage filled up incredibly quickly as you might expect. I tried to reserve a bit of space for the person from the Facebook group that I agreed to meet up with. She and her friend were about maybe 30 metres behind me in the queue so it took a little while for them to show up.

III. 7:30? PM

She tells me of meeting some Real Groupies™ (my epithet) who literally follow them around to every single show (”except they don’t have tickets yet for like 2 shows because they aren’t sure of their work schedule”).

I tell her how I could never compete with that type, hence emphasizing that I’m ”non-Finnish speaking”.

She tells me how it always seems that, when she’s in the front, she’s towards the right side of the stage, as we are now, and as she was at the Tavastia show.

I tell her that I was there, and that I vaguely remember her being on the other side of me. (The forearm tattoo looked familiar.) She didn’t see my giving Senpai the gift, as she had to leave early to catch the train home.

She tells me that she once brought her mother along to meet Senpai because Vesterinen is her maiden name. As it’s not a particularly common surname, this means they’re all not-even-super-distantly related.

IV. 8:30 PM

They didn’t play Kirottu yksinäisyys.

Two middle-aged women behind me kept trying to get my attention. (Although to be fair I did turn around and interact with them a bit.) They wanted to know whether I was here alone and if I wanted to go with them for drinks afterward (and karaoke? I suggested). I technically was, I suppose. The pair off Facebook needed to leave as one of them had work the next morning, so I let them do that.

You don't have quite as much room to dance here when you're kind of pressed up against the railing at the front, compared to the other times when I was a few steps back.

V. 9:30 PM

VI. 9:45 PM

Very Serious security staff were starting to tell everybody to GTFO.

VII. 9:50 PM

I wanted to talk to Senpai; they were collecting selfies with each band member so they needed one with Heini. (She doesn't do every performance; for me it's been like 50/50 whether it's her or her alternate.)

Senpai did not come out to the merch table.

We hung around trying to decide which bar to go to.

"They're over there!" I shouted, pointing at the other side of the yard. I could see a few of them milling about.

"Who????"

They saw him before I did. "Tero!!"

I screamed.

We ran.

Senpai disappeared behind a door.

One of us went to ask Very Serious security staff guarding the door whether they could fetch the people we were looking for. There was some head-shaking and she returned with a pouty look.

I told Pate that I didn't bring anything for them this time but if he could please send my regards to Senpai.

Meanwhile, Jepa was being questioned for bar recommendations. She says that there's a possibility they might go to the one upstairs here.

Senpai reappeared, wandering off in the other direction. Said he was looking for his wife.

Heini finally appeared so they got their selfie.

Senpai also eventually came around. I had had the passing thought of asking which song I should cover next (lol), but I got a sense of everybody being in a sort of hurry to do something or be somewhere so I was content with a quick selfie (to kind of parallel the one I took last summer).

It should be apparent by now that when I say that no other thing brightens my world as much as seeing Senpai, I am not bullshitting for dramatic effect.

In fact, I was super giddy like a sixteen-year old despite being completely sober. This just doesn't happen when I'm at an event alone, as it's not my "being alone" aesthetic.

VIII. 10:00 PM

Very Serious security staff were Very Seriously telling everybody to Very Seriously, please GTFO. So we GTFO.

I started wondering whether the aforementioned people who literally follow them around to every single show are the same people as the superfan couple. They were still hanging around at this side of the yard even as we left.

The two women who were at the front of the queue to get in had convinced the roadies to give them each one of the set lists. I guess if you're into that kind of souvenir. But it really is just a typed piece of paper.

This is all I need:

(interpretation: as previous list, minus 4, 12, 14.)

We had a drink each at the rooftop bar, but I think my companions were getting a bit bored (not least because it was several flights of stairs to get down to the smoking area—it's a wooden building, ok) and the (ahem) VIPs did not show up (yet? who knows.) so we went on to find a karaoke place.

Random thing completely beside the point: turns out one of them is also a geocacher and has found more than I have despite only been doing it for 2 years (I've been at it since 2014 but you're really limited when you don't have a car and/or friends to go on daytrips with).

Epilogue.

I didn't get home until quite late (like almost 3 AM); it was really close to my next turn at karaoke when the last bus left, so I decided to stay and had to take a cab home after that. Taxis were deregulated a few years ago and the prices have gone up a bit since. I probably saved a chunk of money walking a little bit in the relevant direction first, rather than just taking the first available taxi I saw. It's my vacation now so I can afford to be out late but not necessarily to stay out the entire night or take taxis more often than absolutely necessary.

(As for the people I was with, they were showing no signs of fatigue and were having way too much fun, so I'm sure they stayed a fair bit longer. They were from out of town and had a hotel room nearby so the time was not an issue.)

Despite being so tired (but surprisingly not very tipsy), sleep was a bit... fitful. I had a dream where I was in a mansion and there was a large blueberry birthday cake in the corner of one room, and Senpai was serving pieces from it. But by the time I found out about this, he had gone, and it just didn't feel right to help myself to some.

(It was probably blueberry because (in real life) I had ordered a blueberry lonkero at the bar but they accidentally gave me cranberry. But I don't really care, any flavor is fine, really. Also the cake looked a lot like the small (also blueberry) cake I bought from the supermarket earlier this month to celebrate Mom's birthday with, except party sized.)

[sappharomyces]

if u don't match ur whole colour scheme to ur wallpaper wyd

[teal-gerard]

❤hi🖤

🦝they🦇them🐈‍⬛

[wlw-mess]

got my hair cut and I love it but I’m trying so so hard to like how I look again 🙃

[motherhenna]

It’s my 23rd birthday today! Here’s your Aries bitch right here

[pies-writes-and-more]

pictures of you

pairing: ushijima wakatōshi, bokuto kōtarō, & tsukishima kei, all with a gn!reader (lmk if I missed anything gendered pls!)

warnings: a swear word here and there, nothing much!

a/n: ive been having some trouble writing these days so im so sorry if this is awful. but thank you to everyone who’s been reading my stories and supporting all my writing :) i love you all! enjoy!

haikyuu masterlist

Ushijima keeps multiple different polaroids of you in little areas like his wallet, in his phone case, in his emergency kit in his volleyball bag, and one in his locker at school. You hadn’t even realized he had them at first, until you were looking for one of them because you wanted to put it in your memories box.

“Ushi, have you seen that polaroid we took in Tokyo at the mall?” You asked, searching around your room for it, checking all of the pockets of the jackets you had worn there.

“Do you need it?” He asked, looking up from his phone from your bed.

“Mmhm! I wanted to put it with all the other polaroids I keep.”

Ushijima shifted in the bed, tugging his phone case off of his phone and lying it side by side on the cover so you could see where the polaroid had been hiding. “I’m sorry, I didn’t think you’d mind if I took it. I found it in your coat pocket the other day and...” Ushijima’s eyes dropped in shame as if he had done the biggest mistake of his life, making you smile a little.

“Ushi, you don’t have to look so guilty,” you laughed, hopping onto the bed next to him. “I didn’t think you liked it! Or else I would’ve given it to you in the first place.”

“Why wouldn’t I like it?” Ushijima asked, touching the small picture gently before picking it up and holding it in his hands, “You look so happy.”

“Yea, but you’re not even looking at the camera,” you pointed it out to him with a laugh, leaning against his arm to take another look at the picture.

Ushijima nodded slowly, no regrets at all in his mind as he took in the photo again. You were sitting next to him, attempting to hold the camera in selfie mode, smiling as wide as you could and there was Ushijima next to you with the softest smile that anyone had ever seen on him. His eyes had been way too focused on you that day to even realize you were taking the photo. 

“Smile, Ushijima!” you had shouted before beaming up at the camera. But he had seen that grin on your face and hadn’t had the thought to tear his eyes away.

You had always told him you hated your smile - it was too big, smushed your face too much, made your eyes too small, your teeth weren’t perfect- whatever your excuse was, Ushijima wasn’t sure why you denied one of your best features. You complained that it didn’t look good in photos, but didn’t you know? Ushijima got to see that smile develop over a handful of seconds, watch as that grin turns into a fit of laughter, see it in your eyes, watch the elation in your whole body... he never knew how to explain to you just how beautiful your smile was, even if a simple photo couldn’t capture it’s massive beauty.

“You can keep it if you want, Ushi,” you smiled, pushing it towards him. “I’m sure we’ll have lots of opportunity to take more right?”

Ushijima nodded, shuffling a bit to take out his wallet and show you the cute photo he had stored of you in there too. You whined all night long that that photo was awful and that he should pick a better one, but Ushijima kept shaking his head stubbornly. Because that photo was taken by Tendō when you had been looking for Ushijima in the gym. Your eyes were bright and excited because you had just caught sight of him. It didn’t matter that you were a tad blurry, or that your arms were in a bit of a goofy position. Ushijima loved that photo because it was a reminder of just how happy you were to see him all the time. So despite all your arguing, he kept that photo near and dear to him no matter what.

Bokuto had never been more stressed in his life than when he had been trying to pick a new wallpaper for his phone.

“What’s wrong with the old one you had?” Akaashi had asked earlier that day and Bokuto just pouted at him as if the answer should be obvious.

“The old one was just some stupid drawing of an owl! It’s dumb!” Bokuto had whined.

“You didn’t think it was dumb a few months ago - you talked about that drawing nonstop,” Akaashi had pointed out.

“This is serious, Akaashi!” Bokuto held his face in his hands, groaning quietly to himself because his best friend wasn’t taking this nearly as serious as the situation actually was. “I’ve got the prettiest partner ever now and I can’t figure out which photo to pick!”

“Just pick your favourite.”

Bokuto rolled his eyes as he remembered his best friend’s words to him before leaving the changerooms. His favourite - didn’t Akaashi realize that was the problem? Bokuto couldn’t pick just one favourite! He had too many!

The silver-haired boy glared at his phone screen as he desperately searched your social media accounts and his photo library, trying to find that perfect one photo for him to look at all day every day.

“Why do you look so sad, Captain?” Shirofuku asked, poking at him as he sulked.

“I can’t pick the perfect picture,” he whined, looking up to her with sad eyes as he held up his phone to show her the multitude of pictures of you that were just so pretty he couldn’t not see them all the time.

“Ah the wallpaper dilemma,” Suzumeda laughed, thinking for a moment before suggesting, “You could make your wallpaper into one of those slideshows! I saw this video where this guy created a whole video with his partner’s photos and used it as a wallpaper.”

Bokuto’s eyes widened at the thought as Shirofuku and Suzumeda discussed the idea, his fingers quickly looking up the best way to go about this.

You hadn’t even realized Bokuto had changed his wallpaper until later that week when he asked you what time it was because he was starving and desperately needed dinner, “Mm it’s-” you started, blinking in surprise when you found one of your photos staring back at you. “Bokuto, when did you change this? Where’s the owl?” You asked with a laugh, Bokuto just puffing out his chest a little.

“I’ve got something much better than an owl! I’ve got you!” He insisted, wrapping his arms around you excitedly. “Look! I made it into a movie!” He pressed his thumb on the screen and slowly the wallpaper changed into a slideshow of your photos. Some of them blended together, others just swiped into the next photo - some were badass pictures from your social media, and others were just candid pictures that he had probably snuck to take of you, lying around in sweats or making funny faces. “Ewww!” You laughed, seeing one where you looked like you were posessed.

“Hey! Don’t say ew!” Bokuto chuckling, ticking your sides with a smirk, “I like all of them! You’re the most beautiful person I’ve ever met!” He declared, pressing kisses to both of your cheeks and pinching them playfully.

“Yeah yeah, you goose,” you laughed, your face going warm as he praised you. You had never really gotten used to Bokuto hyping you up all the time, even though he did it literally every day. It was still odd to think that a guy like this really thought the world of someone like you. You snuck a couple more glances at his wallpaper during that evening, looking over at him as you fell in love with him just a little bit more every time.

Tsukishima enjoys the art of subtly bragging to others how awesome his partner is and just how goodlooking you are. Although he hated the idea of attention, and the nagging questions that always followed, he still smirked at the idea of those cute but private photos he posted on his instagram.

At first, the instagram was just a joke - something for the two of you and even Yamaguchi to laugh at because it was just dumb photos of the three of you. But as you and Yamaguchi kinda forgot about it, the algorithm slowly making the profile disappear from your timelines, that’s when Tsukishima started to take it more seriously. He would post gorgeously edited photos of just your hands in his, or a photo of you dragging him ahead in a forest trail. He even had a photo of you just standing on a hill in the moonlight, your face hidden by shadows. Each post was coupled with a stupid song lyric he thought of in that moment, or just dumb emojis, or even sometimes there was just a dot. Because it didn’t matter - it wasn’t for anyone. But Tsukishima smiled to himself when he was alone, looking at his collection of photos of you and remembering each moment they were from.

Soon, more and more people the two of you knew started to find the Instagram. Everyone was fawning over the idea of a guy doing this for them, commenting cute things underneath or tagging their own significant others in an attempt to get them to be more like this. And that made Tsukishima smirk even more.

You hadn’t realized the photo that popped up on your timeline had been you until you squinted at the ring flashing in the darkness. It looked strangely like yours... You blinked and stared at the username, clicking on the account only to find that Tsukishima had quite a following on it and had been posting almost regularly on it.

“How come you never told me?” You asked him with a smile as you went through each post and reminisced about that moment.

Tsukishima just shrugged, looking as distant as ever but his cheeks were glowing a sort of shade of pink, “Didn’t think it was that big of a deal,” he mumbled.

You smiled and reached up to press a kiss to his cheek, “You’re oddly attentive for someone who acts like he hates me,” you teased, poking at his chest.

“Ya well, you photograph well that’s all,” he mumbled, acting all annoyed but his cheeks were growing redder by the second. “I love you, so what?” he huffed out quickly in order to keep you from taking his first comment too seriously, but making you laugh instead. 

“Yeah yeah, I love you too, you snarky bitch,” you grinned happily to yourself, admiring each photo and secretly loving that he put all this attention into something like this.

“This one looks familiar,” you pointed out, showing him the one of the two of you slumped on a seat, his hand held up to block his face and your hands up in two peace signs that hid yours.

“It should,” Tsukishima rolled his eyes. “That’s the photo I use for that playlist I edit for you all the time.”

You look up at him with what you only hope are very cute and thankful eyes, Tsukishima rolling his eyes some more as he pushed you away, “Ya ya, stop looking at me like that dummy. You’d think I never showed you affection before with how you’re acting.”

“I mean, you’re often very bad at it,” you teased, smirking at his little annoyed huff.

“Whatever,” he mumbled but tugged you into his arms, pressing a light kiss to your head. “Do you actually like them?” He asked with a bit of distain in his voice, as if giving you a way out if you wanted to say you hated them.

“They’re perfect. It’s like looking at a college of our whole relationship,” you hummed happily. Tsukishima nodded slowly, secretly very pleased that you liked it as much as you did, your eyes softening the more you scrolled. He always knew he liked showing you off but often found people were too nosy when it came to your relationship when he did in real life. But now, Tsukishima felt like he could show you off and how nice your relationship was without having to actually answer the comments. Plus, now that you knew about it, maybe you could actually pose for the pictures instead of Tsukishima waiting for the most opportune time. 

“I love you, Tsukishima,” you smiled up at him as you reached the end of the photos. “I love everything that you posted, but I love you more.”

Tsukishima leaned his head on yours, squeezing you gently into him some more, “I love you too, you big softie,” he mumbled, just loud enough for you to hear. Because as much as he wanted to show you off, you were his and his alone to appreciate and love.

haikyuu taglist: (let me know if you’d like to be added or removed!)

@sgue0s @aurumk @neko-chii1 @thisnoodlewritesao3 @satan-ruler-of-hells @trashy-simp @jeppiet @tobi-momo @darkvadeeer @haikyuutothetop @livy384 @babyshoyo @jesssobs @b-bakana @tsukkimoonbyeol @crystal-lilac @random-734 @sophiemess @bbyhaji @pansexualproblemchild @thechaosoflonging @mystic-poteto @kaleidoscopekai​ @cuddlysoftbear​ @cheeseriz​ @ur-local-reality-shifter​ @kawaii-angelanne​ @ushijimacentral​ @ur-local-anti-hero​ @tirzamisu​ @milkbreadforlife​

[threepointseven]

Home(Dinner Part 2)

Im shortening the exchange students name to S/N AKA student name

Sorry i forgot to answer the person who actually requested this @kurooandkarmaswife thank you sm for requesting! I hope you enjoy 😩

Also lets pretend you cant have more than 1 pact with a human cause yeah. If you havent read Dinner yet go read it since you’ll really only understand this if u read the first part

Fandom: Obey me!

Pairing: not really with anyone but has subtle undertones of solomon & Simeon x reader

Length: sort of long

Genre: Angst with comfort

Gn! Reader and exchange student!

Part three!

Dinner last night, was, well...pretty terrible. I ended up waking up at 2 am to the brothers STILL not home. Apparently even Diavolo had taken a liking to the new exchange student.

A day goes by and finally i get to meet the new exchange student.

Whoah

Is all i can think. I walk into the living room unnoticed as everyone is talking to the new exchange student, i wouldnt blame them.

They look incredible.

I felt a hint of jealousy wash over me. Seeing Mammon, Asmo’s and Beel’s joyful laughs as they talk to them. Their voice was ever so gentle, it’s what i imagine spring to sound like.

I tried forgetting about my distasteful thoughts of jealousy and walked over to them.

“Goodmorning!”

I called out to try and grab their attention

“Oh, MC! I didnt see you there;;”

Asmo said to me as he was taking selfies with the new exchange student

“This is the new exchange student”

Beel smiled

“Hi! My name is MC”

I happily introduced myself

“My name is S/N”

They brought their hand out and i shook it in return. Their eyes were ever so sweet, i felt the sadness come over me as i wore a soft smile.

Something tells me this wont end well.

Weeks go by as i barely get to see the brothers anymore. They’re always around S/N. I find myself longing the brothers touch. The random emergency texts i get from mammon, calls from Asmo asking me if i wanted to go to a club, Belphie always dragging me to his room to take a nap, Beel’s adorable goodnight texts, Lucifer’s complaints about work, Satan’s library dates, And levi’s rants about a certain anime he just watched.. i missed it all.

I guess i missed the warmth and the constant attention i got from them. The attention thats now being directed at S/N.

The new feeling of emptiness leads me to the Purgatory hall, a place i’ve been to quite often after S/N had won over the brothers.

I enter the room praying that i dont see S/N hogging Luke, Solomon, and Simeon’s attention....

What?

Did i just think that?

Am i that jealous?

Have i gotten so used to being in the spotlight that suddenly i become like this when not in the center?

Its an unpleasant feeling and i try to snap myself out of it as i see Simeon, Luke, and Solomon all happily seated on the couch drinking tea and eating pastries Luke made.

“MC! Hey!!”

Luke happily greets me as well as Solomon and Simeon. Im pulled to the couch as im seated next to Luke. I take a bite of the pastry and embrace the comfort of the sugary sweets.

The conversation goes on for a long time as hours go by. Soon enough the entire tray of pastries and tea are long gone.

As the clock hits 8 PM i realize ive been at the Purgatory hall for too long now. Excusing myself i go back to the house of Lamentation to be once again greeted by smiling faces and S/N laying out plates filled with food for the brothers.

The brothers quarrels, Satan’s face of annoyance, Asmo’s whining... The smell of warm food on the dinner table being handed out....

As i hide from the view of the brothers and S/N i look back to when it would to be me that made everyone dinner and calmed them down.

My chair.

My chair had been occupied by S/N,

What?

Did they expect me to sit on the floor for dinner or something?

As i slowly walked to my room i heard the deep voice of Lucifer

“Oh MC,,, sorry S/N is sitting on your spot, we thought you were gonna go to the purgatory hall for dinner tonight. We do apologize”

As i feel my throat closing up i smile and say in a bubbly tone

“Oh it’s fine! I was actually gonna go out with my friends for dinner anyways! I was just getting something from my room, i’ll be out in a sec!”

Lucifer gave me a warm smile and continued conversing with S/N

As i went to my room i started to realize the situation here. I’ve been replaced. I mean who wouldn’t replace me when the actual definition of an angel was right in front of them with their welcoming arms open.

As soon as i got to my room salty tears trailed down my cheeks,

Jealousy?

Sadness?

Anger?

Whatever the emotion was i wasn’t having it. Unlocking my DDD to be greeted by the wallpaper of me and the brothers all dressed up for a ball we went to together once. i tried to hold back my few tears as i called Solomon, a dear friend of mine.

“Hey solomon!!”

“Oh, yes MC? Is there anything you need?”

“I know i just left the purgatory hall but could I possibly stay there for the night?”

“Oh, of course! I dont exactly know why but Luke’s already whining about how you stayed for too little.”

“I’ll be right over”

I hung up the phone, my tears stopping after i heard that comforting voice of his.

That night i stayed at the purgatory hall, happily sleeping next to Luke, lulling him to sleep.

The purgatory hall became my escape. Solomon always made me laugh, Simeon always made sure i felt welcome there and Luke was practically my adopted son after how long i could stay with him.

As i went about the kitchen helping Luke make a pastry i showed him from the human world a strange feeling washed over me. The feeling of something being erased from my my soul, something was fading away. That something felt like it was piercing my soul.

I look around my body to see what it is. As i look around i see it.

My pact marks are starting to fade

I panic as i excuse myself and go back to the house of lamentation.

As i silently enter the room i hear the faint sound of the brothers, they’re discussing something.

“Cmon Satan you’ve gotta be quick! What if they find out?!”

“Removing a pact isnt that easy Mammon.”

As i listen more i realize what it is.

They’re trying to break my pact with me.

And for what exactly?

Because they want one with someone else.

That someone being S/N

It hurt. Who wouldn’t be hurt? tears flowed from my eyes in record time as i tiredly walk outside.

Devildom was a place the brothers always told me to beware of, but right now i couldnt care less.

While i walked around the town with puffy eyes and the stinging feeling of my pact marks being removed, i hear a certain group of people call my name, i look back to see Luke, Solomon and Simeon’s smiles quickly turn into frowns as they see my tears

“What’s wrong MC?!”

Luke worriedly asks

Unable to hold it in i tell Them.

“The brothers are trying to break my pact with them, they want one with S/N apparently. Im afraid i’ve been replaced by that saint..”

Solomon and Simeon’s face turn into faces of empathy while Luke’s turned quite sour

As Simeon came closer to me and pulled me close into a hugged he mumbles out a comforting phrase

“Whatever happens MC, you’ll always be welcome at the purgatory hall.”

The sentence made my stomach overflow with butterflies. I happily hug back, quickly accepting the purgatory hall as my new and improved home.

[rek1s-headband]

Hello! May i request Cherry and/or Joe with a s/o who has a pet snake? You can do with this whatever you want, feel free to ignore this if you dont want to write it, have a good day/night :D

➯ A/N: Hi!! Thanks for requesting, hope you enjoy and have a good day!

➯ With a s/o who has a pet snake

➯ Characters: Joe and Cherry x gn reader

➯ Warnings: none:)

Joe

Loves it

No seriously he thinks its the coolest thing ever

Mf brags to EVERYONE that he’s held a snake, and whether or not they asked to see he’s whipping out photographic proof, showing them that yes, he actually held one and no, y/n it DIDNT take 20 minutes of convincing-

Whenever he comes to your house he’ll spend at least ten minutes staring at it in its little home, watching in wonder as it does quite literally nothing except flicker its tongue every once in a while

He’ll give you attention in a few minutes, he swears-

Everyone was convinced at one point that it was his snake from how much he talked about it, so they were quite surprised when they came to your house once and watched as Joe barrelled inside, declaring he had to see his “little buddy”

Has bought hats for it on multiple occasions, it literally has a box beside its cage for all its hats

When he first found out you had a snake, he thought it just got to slither around in its cage, and the lid only got taken off when it needed to be fed. So you can imagine his excitement when he found out it could leave the box

This grown ass man sat on the floor with that snake for HOURS, letting it slither up and down his arms, his back, EVERYWHERE

Gets jealous when others hold it. He’ll start whining to you, saying “they’ve had it long enough, it’ll get agitated” as if he doesn’t just wanna hold it again

When it flickered its tongue at Joe for the first time, he let out the biggest gasp, turning to you with wonder as he whispered “how did it do that”

Wanted to bring it to S so he could skate with around his neck

He couldn’t understand why it wasn’t a good idea

He thought it ate the same thing as other animals do. So when you told him it was time to feed it, he shot up, asking if he could feed it. The poor man really thought he was gonna get to put a little bowl of kibble in with the snake and watch it nibble at it

So you can imagine his reaction when you pulled out a live mouse and handed it to him

“....HES A MURDERER???”

He wouldn’t look at the snake for a solid hour

“Ive befriended a murderer”

Has unironically taken selfies with it

Idk if yall have seen that video of the man sharing a lollipop with a snake(if not ill link it here), but he absolutely WOULD

He would literally never shut up if your snake was green

“We match, t’s meant to be, y/n!”

Has made multiple jokes about how he has a snake too, in his pants-

Please unblock him, he thought it was funny

Cherry

Absolutely hates the thing

Literally jumped the first time he came into your room and saw it in the cage, because what the fuck is that thing???

Refuses to touch it, he will literally curl inwards on your bed as he watches you take it out of its cage for a slither around

You have one(1) picture of him holding it, and by holding I mean dangling it from his fingertips at arms length. You have the picture saved as your wallpaper, because his face is just so utterly disgusted that you cant stop laughing at it

Asked you to bring it to S so he can throw it at Ad*m to poison and kill him

When you explained that your snake wasn’t poisonous, he threw it a dirty look

“Why is it there then, it just exists??”

Will actively drag you to his house instead of yours just so he doesn’t have to see the thing

Literally jumped about fifty feet when the snake flickered its tongue at him for the first time. You’d finally convinced him to go near the cage, and it pulls that shit? Get it out of his face

Refuses to fall asleep before you anymore after the time you dangled it over him while slept

Never calls it by its name. I mean ever. Mf calls it “the thing” “the wiggle” “the overweight worm”, anything that its not supposed to be called, hes calling it

Has flipped it off multiple times. He’ll literally sit there and just🖕😐🖕from where he sits on the bed, as if he knows it cant do shit

Literally had to leave the first time he saw it eat a mouse. Poor boy thought it was a vegetarian snake, so when he saw you throw a mouse into the cage, watching as the snake suffocated the poor thing and swallow it whole, he simply got up and walked down your stairs, claiming he’d had enough

He wouldn’t go into your room for at least two weeks

Now any time you need to feed it hes fleeing the room as if a bomb has been planed there

It tried to come near him once and he was so surprised by it he slapped it out of sheer panic before jumping up, terrified it was going to retaliate

He barely even tapped it considering he was jumping off the bed as he did it, but at least he was concerned for himself

Bought it a jumper for Christmas once, claiming that if it was going to be there, it might as well look cute(you knew he was starting to warm up to it)

He makes you double check the cage is locked every night he sleeps over. Poor boy is terrified it will slither out while hes asleep and suffocate him

You seem happy with your little pet though, and if you’re happy, so is he

It wont stop him being terrified of the slithery fucker though-

[whomst-art-thou-whomst-whomst]

Texts from the Lost Tomb, part 5.4

I swear folks once I get this and the last part up I’m gonna condense it all

But yeah couldn’t resist some <3

Zhang and Wu Chat

Wu Xie: Um. I’m all done with the shower if you want a turn.

Zhang Qiling: I’m alright without one.

Wu Xie: sooo are you pissed at me still?

Zhang Qiling: ? I have not been angry with you since the ladder incident.

Wu Xie: you’ve barely said anything since the necklace thingy

Zhang Qiling: I believe it is a long-running joke amongst my friend group that I do not, in fact, say much.

Wu Xie: okay but there are multiple gouges in the tea house walls that would suggest you had somewhat strong feelings today

and I kinda caused the events that sparked said feelings

so just checking in you know

Zhang Qiling: I was not angry so much as I was afraid. More afraid than I’ve been in a long time.

Wu Xie: ??? But it has worked out fine??? Everyone made it out alive and Uncle Erbai gets to feel morally superior to the Zhang family for a while so today was a win overall

Zhang Qiling: I heard you scream. I didn’t know what had happened. I couldn’t get to you right away. Therefore, I was afraid.

Wu Xie: ohhhhh. oh, Xiao Ge. It’s alright now—hey the necklace was actually helping u look out for me:) It’s not like those ppl were actually trying to hurt me, really. Your family isn’t so bad, at least you don’t have any uncles you know of

today was just some big misunderstandings wrapped in some poor life choices. Tbh my memoir title

I feel kind of stupid for screaming but when a glowing necklace wraps itself around your neck it’s a little uhoh moment lol

I did like the design tho def my aesthetic.

Zhang Qiling: I am pleased that it was able to protect you when I was not.

Wu Xie: Uh no you are not allowed to get all emo abt this it’s only like 3pm

damn time flies when it’s flashing before your eyes lol

Are you on the roof? You’re def on the roof. I thought I heard the tiles moving over my head. Come down or I’m coming up.

Zhang Qiling: I will be down in a moment. Do not come outside, it’s cold and raining.

Wu Xie: you know, Zhang Rishan said he thinks the necklace might be linked to you, somehow

something from long ago, even though you wouldn’t remember it.

It’s lucky that it liked me, huh:)

Zhang Qiling: Yes. Quite lucky.

Babysitters Club Chat

Wang Pangzi: AWW LOOK AT HIM NAPPING ON YOUR SHOULDER SO CUTE. BEBES HAD A BIG DAY. YOU TWO ARE PRECIOUS. BE GOOD AND POSE FOR THE PICTURE NOW.

Zhang Qiling: No. Also, I am considering what steps I should take with Zhang Rishan. Regardless of his concern for the Zhang family line, his actions were unacceptable.

Wang Pangzi: HES DROOLING A LITTLE ON YOU WHICH IS LESS CUTE BUT I CAN CROP THAT PART

LOOK I KNOW YOURE STILL PISSED. IM NOT EXACTLY CALM MYSELF, I JUST HAVE WAYS TO SKIRT AROUND TIANZHENS BULLSHIT FILTER THAT YOU LACK

GET ON MY LEVEL

WU ERBAI WILL HANDLE IT, THINGS HAVE SETTLED I THINK

BUT ABOUT THAT NECKLACE

SO INTERESTING HMMM

Zhang Qiling: I am the patriarch of my family. The necklace behaved as I would, apparently, to protect a vulnerable family member. Wu Xie’s bad cold last week activated it, and it responded to a perceived danger to him today. Simple enough.

Wang Pangzi: UH HUH

A FAMILY MEMBER

THE NECKLACE REALLY SAID LOVE WINS

TOLKIEN COULD NEVER

Zhang Qiling: It protected him on a technicality. But I will not allow him to bear the burdens of my family ever again. It has taken so much from him already.

Wang Pangzi: YEAH SURE BLAH BLAH DESTINY BLAH BLAH ANGST

“A TECHNICALITY” WOW WHO SAID ROMANCE WAS DEAD

ANYHOO IM SCREENSHOTTING THIS FOR UR WEDDING RECEPTION SLIDESHOW

YA KNOW DURING MY SPEECH

Friends of Wu Xie Support Group Chat

Hei Yangjing: you’re welcome for everything today<3 I accept PayPal, although of course it is always my honor to assist my friends:)

Wang Pangzi: WE ARENT PAYING YOU SHIT

Zhang Qiling: You did absolutely nothing.

Hei Yangjing: whoa whoa maybe I wasn’t threatening family members or busting up load-bearing walls like some undying divas I could name but I totes helped

or at least I was there for moral support maybe?

Zhang Qiling: The only reason I knew you were there at all was that as I lowered my blade from Zhang Rishan’s neck, I heard the camera click and saw you were taking a selfie making a peace sign, angled to have the two of us in the background.

Xie Yuchen: I saw it on social media just now. The caption is “#greatdaycatchingupwiththelads #blessed”

Wang Pangzi: TBH KIND OF JEALOUS I DIDNT THINK TO DO THAT

Hei Hangjing: okay yeah you see Xiao Ge that is a modern kind of help I should’ve known you wouldn’t be aware

It’s called performance, you wouldn’t understand

it’s a ‘Gram thing

Also it means I’m a great person

Bc letting you handle the situation was my gift to you

Zhang Qiling: Wu Xie mentioned there is something called “blocking ppl” that gets them out of my phone.

Hei Yangjing: nah

Can’t trust that Wu Xie, bae can’t tell a coffin from an urn amirite

it’s not a thing, blocking

Xie Yuchen: It is a thing. I’ll show you later, Zhang Qiling.

Wang Pangzi: YOU BOYS GO GET CLEANED UP AND COME BY AROUND 9 I SNAGGED SOME OF ZHANG RISHANS BOOZE ON THE WAY OUT

Bonnie and Clyde Chat

Hei Yangjing: you looked pretty comfortable in those handcuffs earlier ;););)

Xie Yuchen: Go to sleep, idiot.

Hei Yangjing: You’d have to do something to tire me out ;););)

Xie Yuchen: Are you like this around Wu Xie? Not that I care, I’m just asking.

Hei Yangjing: uh that’s a big nope

First off all Idk when I’ll die but Id prefer it to be on my terms and not at the hands of those other two

Secondly there is a part of me that remembers how adorable he was when he was younger and that makes it weird

(No offense but u were not adorable. He was bebe luke skywalker, you were bebe princess leia I am obvs Han Solo 4lyfe)

Also I’m a little scared that if i flirted with him and he flirted back he’d be better at it.

Xie Yuchen: All valid concerns.

Hei Yangjing: as cute as he is I don’t really wanna tap that.

Xie Yuchen: I see.

Hei Yangjing: do you tho

Main Chat

Wu Xie: okay folks who wants cocoa to top the evening off? I picked some up today:D

Wang Pangzi: UH YOU SPENT YOUR DAY BEING KIDNAPPED AND PLACATING A SENTIENT NECKLACE WHEN DID YOU HAVE TIME TO GET GROCERIES

FRANKLY THATS INTIMIDATING

Wu Xie: the tea house gift shop:)

Wang Pangzi: …YOU BOUGHT COCOA FROM YOUR KIDNAPPERS. FROM THEIR GIFT SHOP. DURING YOUR KIDNAPPING.

WU XIE

WU XIE WHY

Wu Xie: I mean we were there the whole day, it felt impolite not to buy anything.

Wang Pangzi: OH RIGHT GREAT POINT ID HATE TO BE RUDE TO THEM AFTER THEY WENT TO THE TROUBLE OF ABDUCTING US

LISTEN WHEN PPL STEAL YOU IT BECOMES FREE REIGN ON THEIR SHIT

UGH YOU PROBABLY GOT A RECEIPT AND EVERYTHING

WAS UR LITTLE SHOPPING TRIP BEFORE OR AFTER THEY STUCK U IN A DUNGEON TO EXPERIMENT ON YOU

WAIT NVM I DONT WANT TO KNOW THE ANSWER TO THAT

Wu Xie: look, let’s focus on the positives/ we are all okay, and we learned something new, that necklace is still active! It’s really quite nice-looking when it isn’t moving of its own volition.

Wang Pangzi: YOU AND YOUR RELENTLESS DUCKING OPTIMISM

ZHANG QILING ARE YOU SEEING THIS

Zhang Qiling: I would love some cocoa. I’ll come to the kitchen.

Wu Xie: I have special marshmallows for you!!

Wang Pangzi: I SEE

WE ARE SUBSCRIBING TO THE PRESTIGIOUS “FUCK IT WHY NOT” SCHOOL OF THOT TONIGHT

LOL SURE LETS GO COCOA IT UP

IVE GOT SOMETHING STRONG TO POP IN IT

Wu Xie: Still thinking about that design… I’d love another chance to examine that necklace under less Zhangy circumstances.

Kinda sad we couldn’t borrow it to use for illnesses and dangerous missions :/

ah well it’s for the best, a family heirloom should be treasured, preserved and protected<3

Zhang Qiling: I put it on your dresser.

Wu Xie: ???????

Wang Pangzi: AND THATS WHY YOU AND I ARE FRIENDS, XIAOGE <3

Wu Xie: I—

Zhang Qiling: Are those bunny-shaped marshmallows for me?

[sunatooru]

well hello there ive been feeling really crappy lately because im just sick and tired of always being the second option/rebound and never being good enough for first so i was wondering if you can do an emergency request of nishinoya, bokuto, and any other character(s) you think would be good at comforting their s/o about this

Hello! I understand how bad that can feel but I assure you, you’re more than enough to be first choice. I hope these help and I added Sugawara too xx

~

Warning: reader feeling like a second choice by others, not feeling like they’re enough to be first choice

~

Nishinoya

* He’s someone who always aims to show people their worth

* He’ll never make someone feel less important

* He sees you sitting, lost in thought and decides to rest his head on your lap

* “What’s wrong cutie?” He gives your chin a little pinch

* He jolts up when you talk about never feeling like you’re anyone’s first choice, how you must be lacking for people to not have you as a priority

* “Who has made you feel like this? What?! Baby! You’re not second best! You’re not a rebound or alternative choice. To me, you’re first choice. Best choice. I didn’t know you felt like this and I hope I’ve ever made you feel like that.“ he cups your face and stares softly into your eyes

* “You’re so wonderful, amazing, cool and nice. If someone doesn’t make you their first choice then they’re missing out.” He grins, caressing your cheek before pulling you close

* “I’m sorry that you’ve felt this way but I’ll make sure to show you why you’ll always be first choice everyday.”

* He presses his lips against yours, making a mental note to order your favourite takeaway

Bokuto

* He cherishes you so much

* Always calls you first, makes sure to remind you how much he loves you and loves sending you a quick selfie

* He’s never once made you feel like you’re not special but others have

* It’s during one of your text conversations that he realises you seemed sad

* He rushes to meet you at your house

* One hand holding a bag or snacks and another with your favourite stuffed animal

* When you greet him, he notices the slump in your shoulder and gently asks you what wrong

* He’s so taken back by you feeling like a second choice by the way people treat you

* “No no no, what? Who? Me? Why? Wait wait.” He sits at your feet as you sit on the sofa

* “You’re not a second option. Not to me. Never. You’re so wonderful! Beautiful! Cute! You have everything someone wants!” He holds both your hands in his, kissing them and looking up at you

* “Anyone who’s made you feel this way didn’t deserve you in the first place. You’re so nice and kind and you make me so happy. I’ll never see you as not being my number 1. I love you so much and I’ll keep showing you why you deserve only good things!” You play with his hair as he rests his chin on your thigh

* He jumps up and pulls you into the tightest hug, pressing kisses all over your face and making you laugh

* He smiles watching you squeal in his grip

Sugawara

* if there’s anyone who knows what being a second option feels like, it’s him

* Although it was tough when he got switched out for Kageyama, he learned to accept and not let it bring him down

* Because he knows the feeling, he does his best to keep you happy and never feeling like you’re not enough

* Because you were enough. Are enough.

* It’s your weekly movie night, you’re both cuddled on the sofa but he could sense your focus was on something else

* “Sweetheart? You okay?” He shifts so he can look at your properly

* You didn’t mean for your voice to shake but it was enough to worry him

* “Second option? Rebound? What...” is all he can say at first

* “Anyone who’s made you feel like that didn’t realise what they could’ve had. Aren’t I lucky that I got you instead?” He thumbs your cheek and smiles

* “You’re not second choice. You’re good enough to be first choice. You’re more than enough, actually. If people can’t realise how awesome, kind and wonderful you are, then that’s their problem. Never doubt yourself, baby. It can be hard but accepting yourself makes others opinions matter less. As long as you don’t hurt anyone and are happy then it doesn’t matter. Be your first choice.” He kisses your forehead, tip of your nose and gives you a deep kiss

* “I’ll show you why you’ll always be my first choice” he grins and pulls you in for another kiss

* What movie was playing again? Who knows

[the-void-i-scream-into]

White Tulips - a JunJin fanfic 2/3

Full Story: Part 1, Part 3

Hello Everyone! I hope you are all happy and healthy. Part 2 of my Junjin fanfic is finally up. Thank you so much to the beautiful and wonderful people who liked my fanfic. I am so sorry I have not been responding to your lovely comments. I had exams so I was really busy but I will get to them now. It took me a long time to post this next part because I wanted to finish both Part 2 and 3. I’ll be posting the other part too once I’ve proofread everything

As always, this chapter is dedicated to the Shooters GC (which I haven’t checked in so long, I’m so sorry)  🙈 🙈

Please do be warned, this does get a little dark. But it will pay off in Part 3, I promise.

Pairing: Kang Sujin x Han Seojun

Romantic Trope: Haters to friends to lovers

Word Count: 13.5k

Rating: T

TRIGGER WARNING: Some of the themes in this story are a little dark, specifically in section iii. Please be warned. I’ve added a summary for section iii in section iv so you can skip it if needed.

PART 2

i.

They both spoke at the same time.

“Ya Kang Sujin…”

“Ya Han Seojun…”

“What the hell happened?”

Seojun had been in a strange state of mind all day. First it was waking up in the enemy’s bed, but that part he had completely blocked out. Then it was the massive hangover, the effects of which he was still reeling from. On top of that he had received a scolding for being late to practice, which caused him to be late to his commercial shoot, which caused him to be late for his recording session which was when he had been informed about his scandal.

Seojun normally didn’t care for rumors that spread about him. He relied on his performance to speak for itself; the people online with their uninformed opinions didn’t matter.

“But why did it have to be her?!” He had groaned when he first read the articles. But then he asked himself seriously, “Why did it have to be her?”

It all seemed too convenient. Additionally, she had been the one to drag him for drinks and then back to her apartment.

Was this another one of her schemes? What would she gain from doing this? Maybe it was because he was on to her and could see the truth about her and now she wanted him gone. Yes, it must have been that. Or was it not? Was his theory too farfetched? Maybe he was being too harsh. Maybe he was misunderstanding the situation.

Seojun felt conflicted. On the one hand, it would have been so easy to just blame Sujin and keep on hating her like he wanted to. On the other hand, he could hear Suho in his head, warning him about being too judgmental. Seojun normally trusted his instincts with everything but this time his own instincts were confused. Should be giving Sujin the benefit of the doubt? 

Seojun knew that if he needed answers, he would need to go to the source.

“What the hell happened?” They both asked each other at the same time but neither had the answer.

“How the hell would I know? It was your apartment.”

“The pictures were obviously taken by someone was obsessed with you.” Sujin fumed.

“Are you saying this is my fault?”

“Then are you saying it’s mine?”

“I’m not the one who took us out drinking then brought me back home to her apartment!”

“I’m not the one with the crazy saesangs!”

“My fans are not crazy! They are way better than arrogant women with a princess complex like you!”

“Don’t call me princess.” Sujin said dangerously.

“Or what? You’ll get me drunk and back at your apartment again?”

“Ah shut up, you man-child!” Sujin hung up and Seojun flung his phone across the room where it bounced onto the couch. He was seething.

“Aish!” Seojun kicked the air.

“Did you talk to Sujin?” Heekyung’s calm voice startled Seojun.

“What? Oh, Noona.” Seojun gulped.

“How was she? Was she okay?”

“Umm…” Seojun blinked

“She must have been shaken. Facing something like this can be very upsetting.”

Seojun’s shoulders deflated. “Uh, yeah…” He hadn’t considered that.

“Did she agree to give a statement to help clear up this mess?”

Oh right, I was supposed to ask her…

Heekyung continued, “I do have good news. We’ve found the person who took the photographs. So he won’t be sharing them with anyone else.”

“You have?”

“Yes. It was unfortunate. A photographer happened to be there, just as you were leaving. He actually recognized you from your voice. Talk about having bad luck.”

Seojun frowned. So, it wasn’t Sujin.

“So will Sujin do it? We just need a simple statement. She can release a post on her socials and we’ll take care of the media articles.”

Seojun rubbed the back of his head sheepishly. “Um, I don’t think she’ll agree.” . Especially not after the blaming match that just happened. “Can’t we just clarify things on our end? Not get her involved?”

Heekyung smiled with a twinkle in her eye, “Oh I get it. You don’t want her to feel burdened.”

Seojun could tell what she was implying. “Ah-nee! Its not that at all!” His voice was pitched a little too high.

Heekyung laughed, “I’ve been at this for longer than you, Seojun-ah. You can be straight with me.”

“It’s not like that! I don’t care about Kang Sujin at all!”

But Heekyung wasn’t listening. “Just be careful. Your career has just started. You can’t afford scandals like these. People will turn against you in an instant, you know?”

Seojun swallowed. He knew all too well how people could turn against him in an instant, like the way thy did with Seyeon. But he wanted to believe that he would be able to face them.

“Don’t worry. I’ll be careful.”

Heekyung nodded. “Good. Now I’ll go tell our PR team to release a statement about you and Sujin being just friends.” Seojun nodded gratefully. “I think the fact that you went to school together will help. Hopefully people will buy it when you tell them nothing happened between you two.” Heekyung winked as she walked away.

“It’s not like that!” Seojun called after her.

ii.

The situation subsided as quickly as it had risen. Move Entertainment published their official statement about how it was all a misunderstanding. That Seojun had only been visiting his friend from high school and the fact that the friend was also a mutual with rising online beauty guru Lim Jukyung helped establish the connection. Seojun had been glad that Jukyung had taken those selfies with Sujin with Seojun in the background otherwise people might have just taken the statement as an excuse.

What annoyed Seojun about the whole situation was not his reputation or the online speculation but how everyone else kept teasing him about it. This was made especially worse when they were all gathered around for drinks, including his own squad, Chorong and Co., who were eyeing Sujin with a mixture of adoration—that made them stare at her, and fear—that kept them from talking to her.

“Ooh, Han Seojun you better not drink too much or you’ll end up in Sujin’s apartment again.” Taehoon teased. Seojun gave him the death glare while Sujin made a disgusted face. Everyone else laughed.

“Guys! Don’t be mean.” Jukyung’s voice went unheard among the collective chatter.

“Han Seojun, I can see you’ve been keeping a very close eye on Kang Sujin.” Chorong whispered in his ear. Seojun elbowed his ribs.

“Pay up, Sujin didn’t kill him.” Suho asked from Suah.

“You guys had a bet?” Sujin asked icily. Seojun almost admired the scathing look Sujin gave Suho as she eyed the money being exchanged.

Suho’s and Suah’s hands froze right when they were exchanging the bills.

“No?” Suho said weakly.

“Kang Su, I bet on you okay?” Suah defended.

“Ah is that so? Well then you’re off the hook.”

Suah relaxed while Suho blinked forty times, sweating. “Kang Sujin. It was just a joke okay?”

Sujin just put her hand forward and Suho silently put the money in her hands.

“Wah, just 5 dollars? I’m worth 5 million you know.”

“Sure you are. And I’m the King of England.” Seojun said under his breath. Kang Sujin and her princess complex.

“What was that?” Sujin put her hand to her ear, “I’m sorry. I couldn’t hear you over the apology you owe me.”

“What apology? I owe you nothing.” Seojun retorted, fully aware that he had actually come to this gathering to apologize to Sujin about the scandal and how he had behaved over the phone. That plan had since been abandoned. 

For some reason, he could not spit out the three words ‘I am sorry’ to Kang Sujin. No matter how much he wanted to. There was just something about her that irritated him to the point of misbehavior.

Sujin clicked her tongue at Seojun but said nothing. Instead, reaching into her bag, she pulled out a notebook and a pen.

“Here, sign this.” She ordered, pushing the notebook and pen in his face.

“What is it?”

For Kang Sujin, the biggest issue from the scandal had not been the online noteriety and not even the teasing, but the fact that everyone in her office now knew that she was friends with an idol and had demanded that she get them his autographs.

“Its for my friends at work.”

“You have friends?” Seojun said with mock surprise.

“You know I was just as shocked to learn that you have actual fans. I always thought Suho was the one buying all your albums.” Sujin said.

“Of course I have fans! I am super popular you know!” Seojun defended, pulling the lapels of his jacket with pride.

“Yes I’m sure you’re veeeery popular.” Sujin’s words dripped with sarcasm. Seojun’s pride deflated like a balloon. “Just sign. And write something nice too.” She ordered. Seojun quietly picked up the notebook, not because he was nice but because he felt he owed her this much.

“You know my autographs are worth a lot of money, right?”

Sujin made a face. “Just sign the damn thing so that the girls at work stop harassing me about you.”

Seojun smiled as he signed. His fans were awesome. “How many?” He asked.

“Seven.”

He signed seven pages, each with a personalized note.

“Be nice to my fans at work.”

“I’m always nice.”

“Sure you are.” Seojun replied skeptically. He handed Sujin the notebook. “I better not find you selling these online.” He warned.

“I’d rather starve than live off of your autographs.” Sujin bit back.

“Okay, okay! No more fighting!” Jukyung pointed between the two. “Lets all enjoy our drinks in peace.” She looked pointedly at Sujin who pointed her chin at Seojun with a ‘he-started-it’ scowl.

“Han Seo, is it okay for you to meet us in public like this?” Suah asked. They weren’t in the usual private dining area that they frequented when it was just the core group of friends. They were out where everyone could see.

“We can always hang out at our place, if you want.” Suho offered. Seojun quickly shook his head. Seeing Suho and Jukyung together outside was one thing. Seeing how they lived together was quite another. Knowing they lived together was painful enough. He didn’t want even more fuel for his imagination.

“Its no trouble at all.” He put on a smile for Suho who seemed satisfied. But, to his surprise, he found Kang Sujin giving him a strange look. She chuckled to herself but said nothing.

As they all said their goodbyes, Seojun went out the back so that he could leave in privacy. He planned on taking the long route today. A bike ride would help him clear his mind.

“Han Seojun, wait up!”

He stopped just as he was about to put his helmet on. He was surprised to find Sujin there. 

“What? Need more autographs?” He asked, cockily smiling.

Sujin made a sickened expression. “Not at all. I just… I had something to say.” She hesitated.

“Well say it.”

She cleared her throat. “It was neither of our faults. The scandal. It wasn’t that it was my building or your fans. It was someone shitty who didn’t respect our privacy. That’s… that’s all I wanted to say.”

Sujin waited for his response. Seojun could feel his face burning. He should have been the one to say all this to her, and yet here she was apologizing to him instead.

“I’msorryforwhathappened.” He said too quickly and too quietly.

“What?”

“Nothing!” Seojun shoved his helmet on to hide his embarrassed face. 

“Drive safe.” Sujin said.

“Yeah, whatever.” He rode away.

Kang Sujin was just glad she was able to spit out the words she had been meaning to say all night long. It had been weighing on her ever since they had spoken on the phone. She had promised herself a long time ago that she would try to be a nicer person and for the most part she had accomplished that. But that Han Seojun just had a way of bringing her old self back to the surface. And that bothered her.

It doesn’t matter, she told herself. She would learn how to get along with Han Seojun. It was only a matter of practice. And besides, it wasn’t as if she had to be overtly obvious about it. She just had to tolerate him.

For Jukyung. It’s for Jukyung. She would want us to get along, she lied to herself. The truth was, that Kang Sujin believed that she didn’t have a choice.

Everyone loved Han Seojun, even her best friends who had never paid much attention to him back in high school. It was all because Sujin had been absent for so long. She had missed a huge part of everyone’s lives while Han Seojun had been there for all of it.

Sujin wondered whether, if it came to choosing between her and Seojun, they would choose her. A part of her believed they wouldn’t.

She had made such a mess of things before and left things unresolved for too long. She was certain that things would never go back to the way they had been, not fully anyway. There would always be a part of them that wouldn’t trust her. And there would always be a part of her that would be heavy with guilt.   

“Ah-nee-ya.” She reassured herself. “I don’t need to worry about this.”

She was glad that the whole matter of being mistaken as Han Seojun’s girlfriend had been settled. She laughed at the very idea.

“Me and Han Seojun dating. Ah, how funny.”

Sujin had heard of horror stories about how such scandals ruined people’s lives and got them shunned by society. Thank fully, none of that had happened. Her precious peace was safe again.

Sujin could see her future now; a life where she worked hard at her non-profit, where she shared dinners and lunches with her friends and laughed about the old days, where she wasn’t told she wasn’t good enough, where she did what she wanted instead of being forced to do what her father wanted. Yes, Kang Sujin could see her like ahead—a life where she was finally happy.

iii.

At first Sujin thought she was being paranoid. But her co-workers seemed to be acting stand-offish with her, with some outright avoiding her. They weren’t replying to her as enthusiastically they used to and were having hushed conversations that immediately stopped when she approached them. They even made plans for lunch without including her.

“Is something wrong?” Sujin asked one of them.

“Not at all. Shall we get to work?” It sounded more like a snub than reassurance.

Sujin also felt the hairs on her neck rise from time to time, as if she could feel someone watching her. But when she turned around, everyone would look away.

Convincing herself that it was all in her head, Sujin ignored it and went on with her work.

But then it happened again at the convenience store. She heard her name being said in whispers behind her. When she turned, she found a couple of teenagers quickly putting away their phone. Despite the anxiety bubbling in her stomach, Sujin dismissed the incident and went home.

Normally after a long day at work, Sujin would throw her phone away, have dinner while watching TV, shower and go to sleep. But today had been strange and she was feeling out of sorts. She needed a distraction to help her calm down.

So, after a shower, she settled back on her couch with her dinner and her phone. Jukyung normally posted a new make-up tutorial by this day of the week. Sujin loved watching her transform herself from an ordinary looking girl to a stunning beauty, while explaining each step.

To Kang Sujin, Jukyung was an artist who used her face as a canvas. Sujin herself had learned a lot just from watching Jukyung. She was excited about what she would learn today.

Sujin dismissed the dozens of Instagram notifications on her phone. Suah was always tagging her and messaging her about some post or the other. Sujin would get to them later. As Sujin searched for Jukyung’s channel, her Instagram notifications kept dinging. She put it on mute and played the video.

This time, Jukyung was giving a tutorial on American style makeup and how it was different from Korean style. Sujin grinned all the way through the video as Jukyung talked through her tutorial. Sujin scrolled through the comments as she watched.

My beauty Queen! I love you!

I tried your winged liner look and was able to finally do it for myself. Thank you.

I use the exact same foundation but it doesn’t work for my skin. But looks great on you. <3

You didn’t mention the eyeliner you used here. Can you please add it in the description?

This is why I have trust issues. She looks like a completely different person. This is fraud.

Sujin frowned at the last comment. “She looks beautiful either way.” She said angrily aloud as she typed it in, punching the buttons as if she could punch the commentor. Sujin scrolled further.

Who else came here after reading the Soompi article?

This comment had a lot of likes and comments. Maybe Jukyung was getting famous enough to be reported by entertainment websites now. Sujin smiled proudly.

Lim Jukyung, yours is the best makeup channel here!

Saranghae unnie

I was so sad to learn that you were bullied as a kid. So glad that you’ve found success now.

Sujin swallowed thickly. It would always bother her to know that she had once exploited Jukyung’s past bullying for her own gain. The fact that she had once contributed to her bullying would always fuel Sujin’s self hatred. She was just glad that Jukyung had moved on from her past and had become confident in herself. And more so, had found a community online that adored her.

As Sujin scrolled down some more, she noticed that most of the comments were talking about how Jukyung was a survivor of bullying.

“Mwo-ya…”

Wow, I had no idea this girl was so brave. Bravo!!!

I’m a survivor of bullying too. Its nice to know I’m not alone.

I bet her bully is watching this now and regretting what they did.

I don’t watch makeup tutorials. Came here cuz of the bullying scandal. But stayed cuz she is so good.

The last comment made Sujin stop. “Bullying scandal?”

Sujin went to Naver and searched for scandals involving Lim Jukyung. The first few links were Jukyung’s most popular videos but beneath that were a slew of articles from slanderous gossip sites.

Girl from Han Seojun Scandal Turns Out to be a Bully

Online Star Lim Jukyung Gets Involved in Han Seojun Scandal

Han Seojun’s Alleged Girlfriend was a Bully in High School

“What?!” Sujin stood up on her feet in shock. With shaking hands, she went through the articles one by one. Somehow, someone had uncovered the post from her high school community page that had revealed what she had done to Jukyung. Except they had gotten their facts mixed up and had reported that Sujin had been the one to bully Lim Jukyung about her looks.

That girl is so despicable.

Han Seojun is hanging out with a girl like her? I can’t believe it. I actually used to like him.

I bet this girl seduced Oppa. Don’t dislike him!

I am so glad they’re not actually dating.

Her face is so evil. And she’s uglier than Lim Jukyung!

I bet Han Seojun was fooled by her. She feels like the type who uses her looks to manipulate men.

People like her should kill themselves.

Guys! I found her Inssa!

It really is her! This is authentic!

The room began to close in on Sujin. She immediately opened Instagram where her account was flooded with comments and direct messages from people either telling her to kill herself or threatening to kill her.

Her heart was beating so fast it felt like she would throw it up. She was equal parts shaken and angry. So many people were after her but she hated that these people felt they had a right to treat her this way.

Sujin opened up the messages on Instagram and began firing back to her haters, starting with the most recent messages.

Get off of my account before I report you.

No thanks, I’m not going to kill myself.

Threatening me will only get you sued.

You don’t have to follow me if you don’t like me.

“These assholes think they can bully me online? Well, they’ve got another thing coming.” Sujin growled through clenched teeth as she typed away with all her anger.

I did not bully her!

I made a mistake!

I apologized!

People immediately started responding.

You’re not even going to admit your mistake?

OMG! I can’t believe you actually replied!

Are you honestly defending what you did?

You can’t talk like that to me! I’m going to tell everyone you’re a total b****

How can you be so audacious after you bullied someone? Just kill yourself.

Do us all a favor and kill yourself.

Kill yourself.

KILL YOURSELF.

Sujin screamed in frustration and threw her phone away. It smashed into the wall and landed with a sickening thud. Her hands suddenly felt clammy. Clammy and sticky and sweaty and dirty, dirty, dirty. So dirty that they smelled.

She ran into the bathroom and furiously scrubbed her hands clean. Once, twice, three times. No matter how many times she washed or how hard she scrubbed, the dirty stench of the hate she had just received wouldn’t wash off.

Her hands became all red and felt raw and exposed. But she kept on washing till she ran out of soap. She fell to the floor, suddenly weak and exhausted. The cool tiles felt nice and it was then that she noticed how hot she felt.

Calm down. I have to calm down. She breathed in, then out. In, then out. She could hear her heart in her ears. Pounding and pounding. The walls were closing in. The messages on her Instagram suddenly had voices that shouted in her mind.

Kill yourself, kill yourself, kill yourself.

A ringing broke through it all. First Sujin thought it was in her head but no, it was from the living room.

Her cellphone. Lim Jukyung was calling.

How could she face Jukyung? What would she say to her? Wouldn’t Jukyung say the same as everyone else?

Sujin cut the call. Notifications from Instagram were still coming in. She deactivated her account and deleted the app.

Lim Jukyung’s name lit up her phone again.

She turned it off and flopped down on her sofa, head pounding.

Her fragile little hope for a good life was now shattered completely. She could hear her father now. Hear him yell at her that she was useless, that she was pathetic, that she was stupid and inferior. Unable to beat even Lee Suho.

Kill yourself.

Her father had never told her this, but he might as well have. Even now it was his voice saying it over and over in her mind. It was his angry stare she felt on her back.

How would she face people now? People would hate her now that they knew what she had done. And her co-workers…. Of course they knew. That’s why everyone had been acting so strange.

This all felt so cruel and unfair. She had been so good these past couple of years. She didn’t want all of it to just be taken away like this.

But didn’t you do the same thing to Jukyung? Her father’s voice taunted. She was a good person too, wasn’t she? You’re nothing but a piece of trash.

I bet you think that you destroyed Lim Jukyung, Seojun’s voice said, but you’ve only destroyed yourself.

iv.

SUMMARY of iii: Because of the Han Seojun scandal, people find out about the community post that revealed what Sujin had done to Jukyung and people online start thinking that Sujin bullied Jukyung. They harrass her and it becomes a scandal of its own.

It was chaos at Move Entertainment.

“What the hell happened?! You told me you settled this!” The director threw a magazine in Heekyung’s face. Seojun saw this through the glass door and barged in.

“Is that how you treat your employees?” He demanded angrily.

“Get out. Get. Him. Out! Get him out of this company for good measure!”

Heekyung pushed Seojun out before he could do anything else, dragging him as far away as possible. “Don’t be an idiot. You can’t just barge in like that.”

“But he’s being an asshole. Should I just stand around and let you take it?”

“This is the adult world Han Seojun. Actions have consequences here.” Heekyung said reasonably. “And you’re the reason he’s so mad. A bullying scandal is serious. We’ve even publicly acknowledged that you and Sujin are friends. This doesn’t reflect well on you.”

“The articles are lying. Sujin didn’t bully Jukyung in high school. She just—”

“I know exactly what she did. You think I don’t know about what happened to my own sister?” For a brief moment, Heekyung’s professional demeanor slipped into anger. But she recovered quickly. “It infuriates me that my sister’s past is being brought up like this. But I have a job to do and I need you to cooperate with me. Okay?”

Seojun exhaled. “What are we going to do?”

“Nothing. The situation will sort itself out. You will need to keep a low profile, however.”

Seojun exhaled. “Noona, we need to set the record straight. Sujin is—”

“Sujin isn’t represented by Move, you are. None of us here can do anything about what is happening to her.”

Seojun clenched his jaw. “Have you seen what is being said about her?”

Heekyung looked away. “Its not like I enjoy saying this. I’m only telling you what I was told when I made the same request. She’s not represented by us. She’s not our concern.”

“Was Seyeon not your concern either?”

Heekyung had nothing to say to that. “I have to go back in. You stay here, arachi? Don’t do anything rash and…” she yanked Seojun’s phone from his hand.

“Ah!” Seojun tried to get it but Heekyung had the phone out of reach.

“I’m keeping this for now.” She said and left.

Seojun exclaimed in frustration, running his hands through his hair. Despite the animosity he had towards Kang Sujin, this kind of exposure to such vitriol online didn’t sit well with him. Kang Sujin deserved a lot of things, but she didn’t deserve this.

He knew Sujin was tough. But this kind of incident would make anyone crumble. He just hoped she didn’t do anything stupid.

v.

“Sujin-ah. Can you explain your side of things?”

Of course her office had heard about everything. Apparently her past misdeeds were a trending topic online. Her supervisor had called her in as soon as Sujin had shown up.

“Can you tell me what happened?” Her supervisor asked.

Sujin inhaled, “When I was in high school, I fell in love with a boy. But he had a girlfriend… she was a friend of mine. I got jealous… and petty. I published an unflattering video of her on our school’s online community. She had been bullied in her previous school because of her looks. So the video was especially traumatizing to her. I was responsible for what happened in Saebom High, but I wasn’t involved in anything that happened before that.”

Sujin looked at her hands, still red and raw, “I have made up with her since then. I’ve apologized. We’re both friends now. And I’m not a teenager anymore.”

Something stung Sujin’s hand. Water droplets? No, tears. She hadn’t noticed when she had started crying. But she kept her face straight even when the tears didn’t stop. She looked at her supervisor.

“I am ashamed of what I did. If I could take it all back… you have no idea what I would do to take it all back.” Sujin furiously wiped away her tears. She hated crying in front of anyone. “I love working here. I really do.”

Even as she was saying the words, she knew what was coming. Of course her company wouldn’t keep her on. Even non-profits couldn’t afford bad reputations and the fact that Move Entertainment had worked with her company for a lot of benefits hadn’t escaped her notice either.

“Sujin-ah.” Her co-worker said, peeking from the cubicle wall as Sujin packed up her things.

“What?”

“I never thanked you. For getting me Han Seojun’s signature.” The woman said meekly.

Sujin gave a small smile. “You’re welcome.”

The woman handed her a bunch of sticky notes. “These are goodbyes from everyone. We know you’re not getting a farewell party so we thought you should have our thoughts with you.”

Sujin looked down at the brightly colored notes that contained encouraging messages from some of her co-workers. Her dismissal had been so swift that she hadn’t even been given the chance to say anything.

“If its worth anything… I don’t believe any of it.”

Sujin smiled gratefully this time. “Thanks, Chulhee-yah. I appreciate it.”

vi.

Sujin was both grateful and surprised by how much her friends had reached out. Apparently they had showed up to her place multiple times to see if she was okay, given that she was not answering any of her calls. Sadly, Sujin had not been there to receive them. She had gone to her aunt’s place to get away from everything.

That had not proved to be a good idea.

“Have. You. Lost. Your. Mind!!” Each word was punctuated with a smack from a slipper. Her mother, the once elegant and graceful Mrs. Kang, chased her daughter around in the most inelegant and ungraceful manner. Mrs. Kang’s sister tried to save Sujin by stepping in between but Mrs. Kang still managed to get a few whacks in.

“How could you let a boy stay over at your place?!”

“Omma! That’s what you choose to focus on?!”

“Yes! How could you have disgraced your family this way? And not just any boy, an idol? What the hell were you doing with an idol? Come here.”

This was one fight Sujin would never win. Her mother was not a force of reason when she was this angry. And it took a lot for her to get this angry.

Sujin didn’t mind these smacks. They came from a place of love and worry. Eventually her mother calmed down enough to address the other issue with Sujin. She took her daughter in her arms and wailed.

“How could those people be so mean to my daughter?”

“Omma, I can’t breathe.” Her mother smushed Sujin to herself.

“My poor girl. My poor baby girl.”

In the end, Sujin was glad she had come back to her aunt’s place. It gave her the break she had needed. Away from all of the noise of her online haters, Sujin found she could finally breathe. She found great comfort in her mother’s arms and her aunt’s assurances her that everything would be fine.

However, the dread of returning to her normal life still loomed over her head. Sujin felt her throat close up every time she imagined going back to her apartment. Would the people point and laugh at her on the street? Would she be able to live a normal life from now on?

It was strange how deeply all of this had affected her. Even now, as Sujin walked from the grocery store to her aunt’s house, she felt the paranoia that people were talking about her, pointing and laughing, even though they weren’t. 

“Sujin-ah.”

And now it felt like they were actually calling out to her.

“Kang Su!”

Sujin turned in surprise, ready to fight whoever had called her. “Who is it?”

“Who do you think? It’s Jukyungie! ” A human mass known as Lim Jukyung ran towards Kang Sujin with arms wide open. The girls hugged each other tightly, Jukyung grinning with her gummy smile while Sujin stood, mouth open in shock.

Not far behind, were Suah and Taehoon.

“Ya Kang Su, at least answer your phone! Do you know how worried I was?” Suah scolded.

Sujin laughed, almost tearing up. She couldn’t believe this was happening. She had feared that her friends would turn away and curse at her after she had avoided them. But here they were, all gathered just for her.

“How’d you find me?” She asked the three. They all turned to Suho who stood there smiling.

“Hey Sujin. Have you been well?”

Of course, Suho knew where her aunt lived.

“What well? You all know what happened.” Sujin replied, not bothering to pretend that she was fine.

“Ya! What have you done to your hands.” Jukyung held up Sujin’s scabby hands with worry.

“It’ll heal.” Sujin smiled. Maybe it was the massive hug she had received, or the fact that her friends had traveled so far away to meet her, but suddenly, Sujin felt relieved. It was as if the entire situation was trivial and that she could see light at the end of the tunnel.

“Of course we know what happened.” Suho replied.

“And we know exactly how to fix it.” Jukyung grinned wider.

vii.

On the screen, in front of a ring light she had set up at her home, Lim Jukyung stood with a gummy smile and a warm welcome.

“Ahn-nyong-se-yo everyone. This is Lim Jukyung here with a new make up tutorial for all of my beautiful viewers. Uh, today I have a new kind of tutorial for you all. But before we begin, there is something that I think has been on all of our minds that needs to be addressed.”

Jukyung motioned to someone standing behind the camera to come forward. Kang Sujin entered the frame awkwardly, not knowing where exactly to look. The way Jukyung had set up her studio for this live event was to have the camera, the mirror with the ring light and her laptop screen facing her so that she could do her make up while also reading the comments. And while Jukyung was used to having all of this equipment focused on her, Sujin was not.

“Introduce yourself.” Jukyung said softly, nudging Sujin with her elbow.

“Ah, yes.” Sujin cleared her throat. “Ahn-nyong-se-yo everyone. I’m Kang Sujin.” She waved robotically while staring in the camera like a deer caught in the headlights.

Jukyung couldn’t help but laugh. “Ya, Kang Su, are you afraid of the camera?”

“Ah-neeeee, it’s just so unnatural.” Sujin quickly countered.

“Don’t worry, the camera doesn’t bite.” Jukyung put an arm around her friend’s waist. “Okay everyone now that my friend Kang Sujin is here we can talk about the recent—”

“Lim Ju, maybe we shouldn’t do this.” Sujin interrupted anxiously.

“Huh? But it’s already live.” Jukyung pointed at the camera.

“What?” Sujin on in panic.

Jukyung continued, “So everyone, as you all may have heard, Sujin and I went to the same high school together. However, before that I attended another high school where I was bullied for my looks. Sujin and I did not know each other back then and she had nothing to do with that part of my life so the allegations that she bullied me are completely false. That was another person and that person is no longer in my life.”

Sujin cut in, “However, it is true that I revealed Jukyung’s past to our school and posted an unflattering video of her online.”

Jukyung nodded, looking serious. “I won’t lie and say it was easy for me to have that happen. But… both of us have changed since then. We have grown up and grown past that time.”

The girls took each other’s hands in solidarity.

Jukyung continued, “I’m not the girl I used to be. Neither is Sujin. And while she did do something wrong… I’ve forgiven her. I would rather remember the good times we shared…” The time that Sujin caught that pervert, the time she helped rescue Jukyung from those kidnappers, the time she helped hide Jukyung’s bare face at the school trip. “There are things that I wish I had done differently too. I wish had been more confident in myself and honest about who I really was. I wish I had stood up for myself earlier. But the past is the past, and I would rather focus on the present.”

“Everyone, I am grateful for all of the love and support you showed to me. I know bullying isn’t something you get over easily and I saw a lot of you comment about the bullying that you suffered. I am grateful you shared your stories with me. I hope we can take this opportunity to help each other heal rather than put someone down.” Jukyung looked at Sujin. “Now you.”

Sujin recited nervously, “Ah. Ahn-nyong-se-yo everyone. I’m Kang Sujin.”

Jukyung giggled. “We’ve done that already.”

“Oh, yes. Um… I uh…” Sujin took a pause to collect herself. “Let me be the first to say that I’m not a nice person—”

“Yah!” Jukyung protested but Sujin carried on.

“But I’m also not the girl who posted that video about her best friend, not anymore. At that time… I was foolish. I let my personal problems cloud my judgement and I took my frustration and anger out on Lim Jukyung. I have regretted doing that every single day since it happened. I am sorry. I understand everyone’s anger towards me. I would be angry too if I heard this about someone else. However, I hope that you all will be able to forgive me, as Jukyung has.”

Sujin ended her speech with an apologetic bow. Jukyung bowed with her. The girls then shared a tearful hug. From the back, Sujin saw Suho give her a thumbs up. Sujin sent him a smile back. The girls parted, wiping their tears.

“Okay! Now that that’s out of the way, we can get on to the real reason why you are on here.” Jukyung clasped her hands together. “Sujin will be assisting me today.”

“Ah, yes.”

“So Kang Su, shall we bring out our model today?” Jukyung asked her with a mischievous gleam in her eye.

The girls nodded conspiratorially before turning to Suho who looked on, confused.

“What? Why are you looking at me like that?”

viii.

“What is it? What are you laughing at?” Chorong asked Seojun as he leaned over his shoulder. They were at Chorong’s place where the boys were goofing off, playing video games and lounging about.

Seojun didn’t hear Chorong’s inquiry through his ear buds and kept on shaking with silent laughter.

“Hey, nobody said anything about me being in the video.” Suho was protesting on Seojun’s phone. Seojun turned up the volume to hear Suho’s annoyed grumbling more clearly. Of course, Seojun was going to make fun of Suho about this afterwards. 

“Just sit down, Lee Su, before I get mad.” Sujin commanded.

“That attitude of yours has never worked on me,” Suho replied coolly.

“Come on, Suho-ya. I do your makeup all the time don’t I? It’ll be fine. I promise.” Of course, when Jukyung said this, Suho melted like butter on a hot pan. Sujin rolled her eyes but it was clear that it wasn’t out of spite.

“Okay everyone! Let’s begin with the base and then we’ll work our way up! I am going to keep this look as natural as possible so that its not modifying anything but merely enhancing his features.” Jukyung pushed Suho’s bangs out of his forehead with a giant pink bow shaped clip. Seojun was quick to get a screen shot of it.

“What are Lee Suho and Kang Sujin doing on Jukyung’s channel?” Chorong asked in Seojun’s ear, shocking him. Seojun almost screamed in fear. He pushed away Chorong’s face to watch the video in peace.

In the live video, Jukyung was explaining the differences of applying make up on a guy’s face, versus a girl’s face.

“Sujin-ah. Why don’t you read some of the comments while I’m buffing in his foundation? You have to buff it in for a long time to make it appear natural.” Jukyung told her audience.

Sujin moved towards the camera, blocking Jukyung a little as she read off of her laptop. Her unfiltered face was front and center for the world to see. At this position it looked unflattering, which made Seojun chuckle even more.

Sujin read the comments in a robotic monotone, “Jukyung Unnie, I don’t usually watch make up tutorials. But after today I’m your number one fan.”

“Mwo-ya, this girl has no camera sense.” Seojun said to himself.

“Thank you! I’m your fan too,” Jukyung replied brightly.

“Your looks are always so classy and stylish.”

“Thank you! I’m glad you liked them. Let me know if there are any other looks you’d like to see.”

“Will you do a tutorial on how to wear red lipstick properly?”

“I’m actually planning on doing that soon!”

“Lim Jukyung, you are so beautiful. Marry me please!”

Suho got up to see the screen, “Who asked that?”

“Sit down!” Jukyung pulled him back as he grumbled. “Sorry,” Jukyung said to the camera, “but I’m taken.”

“Are you and Kang Sujin really friends now?” Sujin turned to Jukyung and all Seojun could see was her shiny black hair on screen.

“Dangyunhaji! In fact, if I wasn’t dating Suho, Kang Sujin would be my boyfriend.”

Seojun scoffed, “As if. It would have been me.”

On the live, Sujin laughed, “Is that so? We can still be together though. Have an affair behind Suho’s back.”

“Sure.” Jukyung said casually.

“Yah!” Suho protested.

Both girls giggled.

Suho looked miffed, “Kang Sujin, you’re blocking the view.” He said peevishly.

“Oh sorry. I’ll move.” Sujin circled around the couple to stand behind Jukyung and read the comments over her shoulder.

Jukyung read something on the screen and pointed it to Sujin, “Read that one.”

Sujin hesitantly read, “Kang Sujin, I’m sorry for judging you.” She looked up, “It’s okay. I can be harsh in my judgements too. The key is to try to learn from your past.” Sujin smiled at the camera before turning back to the screen.

“Kang Sujin, you’re pretty.” Sujin recited in her monotone voice. “Yes. I know.” She said without looking up.

“She is also super smart!” Jukyung gushed. “She was one of the top students in class.”

“Could never beat me though.” Suho said smugly, still sore about the affair comment. Both girls turned to Suho and stared. His mouth became small. “Sorry.”

Jukyung went back to explaining her tutorial, slowly performing each step as Suho patiently sat. She made his eyes look bigger and applied a natural lip tint to finish off.

Both girls couldn’t help but gawk at how good Suho look by the end. Jukyung removed the pink blow clip from his hair in a daze.

“How do I look?” He asked Jukyung.

“Too good, Lee Suho.” Sujin clapped. “Too good.”

Jukyung blushed but couldn’t articulate her thoughts. She stuttered, “Uh-ah! Let’s look at the c-c-comments again!”

Suho grinned.

“Lim Jukyung, you were amazing as always!” Sujin read aloud.

“Thank you.” Jukyung bowed.

“Watch the latest and best movies for free at—”

“Sujin that’s just spam.”

“Oh. Right.” Sujin continued, “Lee Suho looks prettier than the both of you.”

The girls’ face fell flat. Suho just looked innocently at the camera. The girls cleared their throats.

“Ah that’s all the time we have!”

“Ah, yes! Time to move on!”

The two pushed Suho out of the frame together.

“I can still be on camera if you—”

“No, I think the people have seen enough of you.” Sujin said while smiling widely at the camera.

Jukyung went wide eyed when she looked into her computer screen. “Ya! This live got 3.3 thousand comments!”

“Daebak. Good job Lim Ju!” The girls grinned, but then Sujin squinted her eyes disapprovingly at something on the screen. “Lim Jukyung, you look so ugly without makeup? Ya, who wrote this comment? User name KimChee23? Why don’t you show yourself to me and then we can see who’s really ugly?”

“Sujin-ah. It’s just a comment.” Jukyung tried to calm her.

“Comments matter too! Otherwise people wouldn’t be writing them! Ya KimChee23 where do you live?”

Seojun laughed out loud as he saw Jukyung try to calm Sujin down on screen.

“So, is everything all settled now?” Chorong asked Seojun.

“I think, yes. Just look at all the comments praising Sujin.”

He was right, the comments section was flooded with statements of Sujin being a brave person for apologizing and changing her bad behavior. 

“Great.” Chorong shook his friend’s shoulders. “Now you don’t have to be so troubled about Lim Jukyung.”

“Lim Jukyung? Why would I be troubled about her?”

Chorong was confused. He had not known about the scandal. The matter Chorong had been referring to was Seojun’s theory that Kang was apparently still after Lee Suho.

“I mean... haven’t you been in a bad mood all week because of her?”

“Why bother asking Chorong?” One of the boys said, “You know the answer to all of Seojun’s heartaches is Lim Jukyung.”

Seojun didn’t bother responding. He returned to his phone screen where Jukyung and Kang Sujin were wrapping up the live, waving at the camera with wide smiles. Suho was trying to get back in the frame and Sujin kept pushing his out of it.

“Ooh. Look at how Han Seojun is smiling.”

“Something good must have happened.”

“See! He’s always thinking of Lim Jukyung.”

“No I’m not!” Seojun protested. Quietly, he admitted. “I wasn’t thinking of Lim Jukyung.”

ix.

Han Seojun had arrived at Kang Sujin’s building an hour ago, but for the life of him he could not muster the courage to go up to her apartment.

“I have no reason to see her. So, why should I?” He argued with himself. He paced back and forth, going up the entrance and then going back again, unable to enter.

In his hands, Han Seojun held a beautiful arrangement of white tulips and yellow roses. White tulips as an apology and yellow roses as an offering of friendship. It was his way of apologizing for being a jerk.

After hearing everything she had said on the live event, Seojun had no doubt that Kang Sujin wasn’t who he thought she was. Certainly, if Jukyung and even Suho could trust her, then he could at least give her the benefit of the doubt. 

It had felt like a good idea at the time to try to make amends with flowers. But now that he was actually here, at her home, he felt stupid.

What would Kang Sujin say when he showed up at her place? Would she laugh at him and tell him to go to hell? Would she be offended that he just showed up, unannounced? The uncertainly of it all made him anxious.

As he went back down the steps to the building entrance for the thousandth time, Seojun bumped into a lady.

“Oh ma’am. I’m so sorry!”

The woman had been carrying tote bags with plastic containers of food in them. The bags had fallen to the ground but luckily, the containers and the food inside them were unharmed, just a little shaken.

Seojun looked at the woman with an apologetic face. She appeared to be a very dignified lady, as old as his mother. Her hair was up in a chic bun and she wore well fitted, albeit a little worn out, clothes. Her brows were crinkled in disapproval. But upon seeing Seojun, her face softened.

“Are you okay, ma’am?” Seojun asked and his humble words spoken in that rich baritone subsided the woman’s irritation further to the point where she smiled.

“Omo, how can someone be so handsome?”

Seojun beamed. Elders had always loved him. “Ah, thank you.” He responded shyly. “Let me help you carry these.” He took the heavy bags from her, putting the flowers under his arm, careful not to smush them.

“Oh no. I don’t want to bother.”

“It’s no bother at all, ma’am. I insist.” He didn’t let the woman say another word, walking past her into the building. The woman smiled and followed.

“Are you going to visit your girlfriend?” The woman asked, eyeing the flowers.

“A friend. A friend who is a girl.”

“Is that what the youngsters are calling it these days?”

“Ah-nee-heyo. It’s not like that.”

The woman just smiled knowingly. “I’m going to visit a special girl too. My daughter lives in this building.”

They entered the elevator. Seojun asked which floor the woman wanted to go to. “Oh, I’m going to the same floor. Maybe my friend knows your daughter.”

“I’m sure she does. My daughter is a wonderful girl.”

When the lady walked in the same direction as Sujin’s apartment, Seojun said, “Oh. My friend lives this way too. What a coincidence. They might live right next to each other.”

“Then you should come over with your friend. I will cook for you.”

And when the woman stood in front of Sujin’s apartment, Seojun said, “Oh, this is my friend’s apartment. Are they roommates?”

“Young man, is your friend’s name Kang Sujin?”

“Yes, ma’am. How did you know?” Seojun asked, surprised.

The lady patted Seojun’s face, “At least you have good looks.” She punched in Sujin’s passcode and went in. Han Seojun stood outside for a full minute before he connected the dots. And then his eyes went wide.

“Sujin isn’t home yet. Why don’t you wait inside?” Mrs. Kang called out.

“I’m so sorry Mrs. Kang. I didn’t recognize you.” Seojun entered, placing the bags on Sujin’s counter.

“It’s okay, Son. You’ve known Sujin long?”

“I went to Sujin’s school. I knew her through Lee Suho.” He had only seen Sujin’s mother a couple of times at school. But never up close. She had seemed so stuck up like Sujin at the time; with her fur coats and expensive jewelry. Now she seemed like just another lady. Her appearance seemed to have humbled after the divorce.

“Oh Suho! Lovely child. How is he these days? Sujin doesn’t tell me anything.”

“He’s good ma’am.”

Mrs. Kang started lining the containers on the counter. It seemed like too much food for one person.

“Sujinnie never eats properly. She always scolds me for worrying but what can I do? She never takes care of herself.”

Indeed, when Mrs. Kang opened Sujin’s fridge, it was empty save a few water bottles and expired milk that Mrs. Kang threw away.

“And look at you! All skin and bones! It is unfashionable to be healthy these days?”

It was a complaint he had heard from his mother as well. But Seojun had to maintain a lean figure for his job, as he was about to explain to Mrs. Kang.

“Ma’am I actually have to diet beca—”

“I won’t hear it! Sit. I will get you something to eat. I’ve brought more than enough.” Mrs. Kang commanded. Seojun could see where Sujin got her tough exterior from.

“I don’t want to be a bother…”

“Nonesense! It’s no bother at all. Especially not for,” she eyed the bouquet Seojun had placed on the counter, “Sujin’s friend.”

Seojun wanted to protest Mrs. Kang’s assumptions but figured that denying it would only reinforce the idea. He would let Sujin clear up the matter.

“Well if you’re going to cook Mrs. Kang, you might as well let me help.” Seojun often cooked with his mother and was used to being in the kitchen so his culinary prowess impressed Mrs. Kang greatly.

“Your mother must be so proud of you.” Seojun grinned at the compliment. He decided that he liked Mrs. Kang.

Likewise, Mrs. Kang decided that she liked Seojun. She put the flowers he had brought in a vase and brought it to the table. As they cooked, she went on and on about Sujin and her many accomplishments. The woman was very proud of her daughter.

Seojun listened diligently as Mrs. Kang explained how much she was worried about Sujin. The non-profit sector didn’t exactly offer a lucrative career. Not as much being a doctor would have.

“I remember how much she had wanted to be a doctor as a child. Omma, I want to heal everyone, she would tell me. But when her father started pushing her and pushing her… suddenly it was all about ranking number 1, not helping people and her heart just wasn’t in it anymore.” Mrs. Kang lamented. She gave Seojun a considering look. “Has she told you… about her father?”

About the divorce? “Yes. I know.”

Mrs. Kang looked at him tenderly, “You must really be close to my daughter then. She’s a very private girl.”

Seojun didn’t understand why the woman as acting like it was some secret. Everyone knew about Mr. and Mrs. Kang’s separation.

The woman stared into the distance. “If I look back, I can only blame myself. I should have stopped it the first day her father started hitting her. But I was blind. I believed that it would all stop if she got good grades and got into a good university. My husband was always a tough man, but had never been like that to me, you see. I didn’t realize what he was doing to Sujin till it was too late.”

Seojun froze. He felt he had been told something he wasn’t supposed to know.

“And then, she started taking her anger out on other people… it might have been late, but I finally put my foot down. I’m glad my girl is in a better place now.”

Mrs. Kang looked down in remorse. Seojun found it hard to keep looking at her. He suddenly recalled what Sujin had said in Jukyung’s video.

I was foolish. I let my personal problems cloud my judgement and I took my frustration and anger out on Lim Jukyung. 

Ah, crap. Seojun thought.

“My daughter is a sensitive girl, despite how strong she appears. I just want to know that she is with people who will care for her, and not hurt her.” Mrs. Kang looked at Seojun meaningfully. He swallowed.

“She is Mrs. Kang. You don’t have to worry.”

The woman pressed his hands gratefully. “You must have heard… about what Sujin was involved in recently.”

Seojun was sure he was going to die today. His heart felt like guilt had wrapped its sharp claws around it and was squeezing tightly.

“Ah. Yes.”

“Don’t believe any of it! My Sujinnie isn’t that kind of girl”

“Ah. Yes.”

“She did go a little astray in school, but what kid doesn’t go through a phase like that? Show me a teenager who has never made a mistake!”

“You’re absolutely right ma’am.” Was all Seojun could say.

“If only I could get my hands on that Han Seojun.” Seojun felt his heart stop. It was then that he realized that he never really introduced himself to Mrs. Kang. “How dare that no good idol take advantage of my daughter? Ah-nee, what kind of a person stays over a girl’s place like that? And doesn’t even help when she gets into trouble because of him?”

Seojun could see his funeral now, his mother crying for him as his friends lined up to regret their loss.

Guys… take care. Please check on my mother for me.

The door chimed as Sujin entered. She stopped in her tracks when she noticed Han Seojun and her mother sitting at a table full of food, waiting for her.

“Ah, Omma why have you come all this way again? Do you really like tiring yourself out so much?” Sujin scolded as she hurriedly put on her indoor slippers.

“Is that any way to greet your mother?” Mrs. Kang scolded back.

Sujin was undeterred. “You know I can always come and visit you and Auntie. Why do you have to come here? And look at all this food! How is this okay for one person? It always goes bad and then I have to throw it out.”

“It goes bad because you don’t eat enough, bad girl! You see what I have to deal with?” Mrs. Kang turned to Seojun who had gone white.

“Ya Han Seojun, what are you doing here?” Sujin asked him.

There was a second of silence where no one spoke. A pin drop could be heard.

“Han Seojun?” Mrs. Kang looked at Seojun. On stage, with makeup on, Seojun looked different. Here, in person, it was difficult to recognize him. But now that his name had been spoken, Mrs. Kang could see the young man whose face had been plastered all over the articles concerning Sujin.

“You… you’re the Han Seojun from the scandal?”

Sujin quickly caught on. “Seojun. Run.”

And then all hell exploded, or rather, one Mrs. Kang. Sujin jumped in her mother’s path as the woman got up with a slipper in her hand. Han Seojun lept off his chair and bowed furiously.

“I am so sorry Mrs. Kang. I am so sorry for all the trouble caused!”

Sujin desperately tried to block her mother’s blows but Mrs. Kang was a formidable woman. She smacked Han Seojun with her slipper.

“Do. You. Have. Any idea. What. Problems. You. Caused!” She punctuated each word with a smack. Seojun, for his part, did not run but rather took it like a man. He was just glad she was beating him with a slipper and not a heel.

“Run! Why aren’t you running?” Sujin asked him as she tried to grab her mother’s wrists.

“Are you protecting him? After everything that happened?”

“I’m really sorry Mrs. Kang.” Seojun said.

“Sorry? What good will an apology do? Will an apology undo the pain you’ve caused?” Her words sounded eerily familiar.

“Ah Omma, stop hitting him! He didn’t do anything. It was my fault. It was all my idea.”

Mrs. Kang stopped. “What?”

And thus, it became Kang Sujin’s turn to be given the mom-smack down.

“Ah Omma WAEEEE??”

“It was your idea to bring him home?!”

“Omma you’ve already beaten me about that!”

“I haven’t beaten you enough.”

“Mrs. Kang please! We were both drunk. Sujin had no choice but to—”

“What?” Mrs. Kang went ballistic.

Sujin glared at Seojun, “Han Seojun do you actually want us both to die?”

“YOU WERE DRUNK?!”

“Omma it wasn’t like that!”

“Mrs. Kang it really wasn’t.” Seojun chimed in.

“If it wasn’t then why is he bringing you flowers? Why is he showing up at your place?”

Sujin looked at the tulips and roses on her table. White tulips, a flower of regret. And yellow roses, flowers of friendship. Sujin knew exactly what they meant. She wondered if Han Seojun knew too or if he just got really lucky with his choices.

It was a while before Mrs. Kang calmed down. Seojun felt thoroughly sore. Both he and Sujin sat on the floor with guilty expressions on their faces, looking like school children being punished.

“Get out. I don’t want to see the likes of your around my daughter ever again.”

“Omma.”

Seojun bowed his head to the ground. “I am really sorry Mrs. Kang. I’m really sorry for all of the trouble that I’ve caused. I assure you I will never let anything like that happen again.”

Mrs. Kang crossed her arms and looked away.

“Omma. Neither of us had any idea that something like this would happen. Its not Seojun’s fault. And besides, he got into trouble too.” Sujin nudged him with her elbow.

“Yes, ma’am. I was almost kicked out of my company.” Which wasn’t exactly true but Seojun didn’t mind fibbing a little.

“You should have been!” Mrs. Kang fumed but then softened when she saw Seojun’s best puppy dog face. Han Seojun was always good with ladies, especially ones that were mad at him.

He inched closer to Mrs. Kang. “Mrs. Kang. I’m really regretful about what Sujin faced.” He took her hands in his. Sujin watched in astonishment as Han Seojun turned her mother’s boiling anger to a low simmer. “But I promise you, I will do everything in my power to make sure that this never happens again.”

Mrs. Kang cleared her throat.

“And look, the food we both prepared has gotten all cold. Wouldn’t it be better if we all eat and talk calmly?”

Sujin scoffed, not only at the blatant pandering but at the fact that it was working. Mrs. Kang’s anger all but disappeared. It came to a point that as they all ate, she began taking his side.

“How could you risk an idol’s reputation like that?” She asked Sujin who could only roll her eyes.

“Omma, how can you say that?”

“I mean, now that I think about it, it isn’t Seojun’s fault that his fans came after you.”

“Ugh, I can’t believe this.” Sujin scowled.

As dumb as Han Seojun had appeared, Sujin had to admit this was pretty shrewd. It made her wonder what else she had misjudged him on. He even got himself invited by Mrs. Kang to come by again for dinner.

“Your mom is incredible.” Seojun told Sujin as they walked to the convenience store. Mrs. Hand had sent them out for some ice-cream since she had brought nothing for dessert.

“She’s changed a lot after the divorce. She’s more herself now.”

They walked slowly, enjoying the night air and the silence. Oddly enough the quiet didn’t feel awkward or strange. Neither of them felt any pressure to speak. They got papico, the ice-cream that came in squishy bottles, and sat by on the benches outside.

“Kang Sujin,” Seojun began, “about what happened… are you… You know when I, um… I guess what I’m trying to say is…”

Sujin laughed, a clear gurgle of joy that made Seojun feel strange in his stomach. “Mwo-ya? Has the great Han Seojun been rendered speechless?” She laughed some more and Seojun didn’t stop her. “Relax Han Seojun. I’m fine.”

Seojun looked at his feet. “I… wasn’t happy with what happened to do… with the articles and how everybody was talking about you.”

“Gwenchana. It’s over now. I mean I had to make another Instagram account but all in all, its not as bad now. Besides,” she tilted her chin, “do you think a bunch of cowards who hide behind usernames are enough to take me down? I’m Kang Sujin, remember? Badass of Saebom High.”

“I thought I was the badass of Saebom high.” Seojun raised a brow.

“You were the gangster.” Sujin grinned, eating her ice-cream.

“I’m glad you’re tough. You don’t let these things bother you.”

“I’d be lying if I said it didn’t bother me. People telling me that I’m the worst and I should die wasn’t exactly easy.” She said grimly. “But you know what upset me the most?”

“What?”

“That I couldn’t beat those cowards up for saying what they did.” Sujin got up and punched the air. “If I could just get my hands on those twerps then I would teach them a lesson or two.” She punched the air.

The fire in Sujin’s eyes was so comical that Seojun burst out laughing.

“Don’t laugh! Hajima! I’m not joking.”

“Kang Sujin, were you always such a fighter?”

“Yup!” Sujin stated simply. She sat back besides Seojun, closer this time. And he noticed. “What about you?” She asked. “How are you doing?”

Seojun leaned back leisurely, “Eh, I’m fine. I don’t worry about public perception anyway. The people who matter will know me. Everyone else is just noise.”

“I bet your fans would leave you in a second.” Sujin teased.

“Don’t diss my fans. They’re all cool and awesome.”

“What, all two of them? Do they also happen to be named Jukyung and Suho?”

“You’re forgetting Chorong.”

The two giggled.

“Did your co-workers ask for more autographs?”

“Nope. Got fired before they could.”

“What?” Seojun stood up. Sujin relayed how her company had let her go after details about her past misconduct were released online.

“How could they just fire you? Isn’t that illegal?”

“Calm down. It’s normal for that to happen.”

“How can you be so calm?”

“Would you rather I get angry? There’s no point in doing that. I won’t get that job back.”

Seojun pressed his lips together in a tight line and sat back down.

“I’m surprised that you’re actually defending me.” Sujin sounded impressed.

“I mean… its wrong. Even if you and I don’t get along, what’s wrong is wrong.”

Sujin chuckled. She looked at the time on her phone. “I should get back. How are you getting home?”

“I brought my bike.”

“Your company lets you ride motorbikes?”

“Nope.” Seojun grinned.

“A’ight. Good night, Han Seojun. Stay safe.” Sujin walked back in the direction of the apartment. Feeling light and happy. While her online image hadn’t completely recovered, her relationship with Han Seojun had. She might not have to simply tolerate his presence now. They might genuinely get along.

“Kang Sujin!” Han Seojun called out to her, the woman who he thought was vile and destructive. The person that turned wasn’t that woman. It was the little girl who had looked to her father with love but only got his abuse in return.

“I’m sorry I misjudged you.” Seojun told the little girl.

The girl smiled. “I’m sorry I misjudged you too.”

x.

It was unfamiliar territory, getting along with Kang Sujin. More for the group than Han Seojun and Kang Sujin. They all looked at the pair in wonder and shock when Sujin asked Seojun to pass the soy sauce and he obliged. It shocked them further when Sujin laughed when Seojun bragged about being recognized at a department store and being asked for pictures.

“Hey, you feeling okay?” Jukyung asked Sujin quietly.

“Yeah, why?” Sujin replied.

“Nothing. Just asking.”

“Hey, what’s up with you?” Suho asked Seojun privately.

“What?”

“You’re acting all weird around Kang Sujin.”

“Weird how?”

“You’re being nice.”

“Am I not supposed to be?”

“Okay! Who’s going to go first?” Taehoon asked the room, interrupting Suho and Seojun’s conversation. 

They were at Suho’s apartment where he had a karaoke machine set up. Seojun had finally relented to visiting their place and it was just as painful as he had thought it would be. It was a mishmash to Jukyung’s bright and lively style with Suho’s dark and moody one.

The posters of rock bands and Junji Itou’s mangas were something both of them shared. It was fascinating how the two of the most caring people in Seojun’s life were into such dark things. Seojun saw Sujin eye one of the horror comic book posters suspiciously, as if the monster drawn in them could come out any second.

Chorong sang first, sharing a duet with his girlfriend. Then Taehoon and Suah went next. Duets seemed to be the theme of the night. Jukyung and Suho went next.

“Alright? Who else?”

Sujin was the only girl left.

“Well I’m not going up there.” She said when everyone looked at her. She eyed the other boys, all of whom were terrified of her. Even they could still hear Kang Sujin saying Ya Han Seojun, are you a gangster?!

“Jukyung-ah. Sing with me.” Sujin grabbed Jukyung’s hand and led her up before she could say anything.

“I’m singing too!” Suah joined.

Seojun went next. His was a solo and he clearly was the best performer. His rich baritone singing in a soft melody made everyone pay attention.

“Isn’t it nice to have an idol as a friend?” Suah asked. “Its like having a private concert.” Jukyung and Sujin nodded in agreement.

Everyone swayed their heads to the beat, except for Kang Sujin who was noticing the lyrics Han Seojun was singing.

I want to give you all of my days

I want to tell you all these feelings of mine

The sleepless blue winds

Brightly light up this night

He was singing about Lim Jukyung. Sujin looked over to her friend, who was looking longingly in Suho’s eyes. The two were entranced with each other, not noticing Han Seojun who stood just a couple of feet away, pouring his heart out.

After all the fun had been wrapped up, Seojun and Sujin had been the only two to stay back. Sujin had helped Jukyung clean up while Suho went to throw out the trash.

As Sujin cleaned the dishes, Seojun sat in the living room, looking at all of the pictures Jukyung and Suho had hung up. He could see how Suho and Jukyung would sit on the very couch he was on and watch TV together or lie around reading books.

He tried to replay those images, with himself there with Jukyung instead of Suho but he couldn’t. He couldn’t lie to himself about who she belonged to.

“You know, Han Seojun, I just realized something.” Sujin called from the kitchen.

“What?”

“You have two hands.”

Seojun looked at her like she had lost her mind. “Wow, Kang Sherlock. Your powers of deduction amaze me.”

“So, since you have those two hands, and you’re a gentleman, why not help me out over here? I assume you would feel bad that I’m the only one doing any actual cleaning.”

“You assume incorrectly. I have no issues with you doing all the cleaning.” Seojun turned back to the TV and was promptly hit in the head with a dish rag.

“Oops.” Sujin said flatly.

Seojun got up, dish rag in hand. Wordlessly, he took out the dishes from the washer and lined them up in the cabinets.

“Aren’t you ever afraid that Jukyung will be uncomfortable about you singing love songs to her?” Sujin asked in a low voice.

“What do you mean?”

“That song you sang. My heart is full of you, I’m starting to take after you?”

Seojun eyed her. “She won’t know.”

“I did.”

“Yeah but, you’re you and Jukyung’s Jukyung.”

“So?”

“So…” Seojun leaned closer, “you ranked number two in class for a reason.”

“Sujin-ah! I told you I would take care of everything.” Jukyung appeared from her bedroom.

“Don’t worry about it. Han Seojun helped.” Sujin assured.

The pair said their goodbyes to the couple and exited together. Han Seojun said nothing when he started walking his own way, while Kang Sujin turned to wave at him but was unseen. He was too lost in his own broken heart to notice anyone or anything.

She simply sighed, took it as just a Han Seojun thing and started walking in the other direction.

xi.

“I still can’t get used to this.” Suah said, waving a spoon between Han Seojun and Kang Sujin. The two sat opposite each other and were eating their food peacefully.

It was this peace that bothered Suah.

“I mean, how can you two just get along?”

“We’re adults Choi Su. We can learn how to get along.” Sujin stated.

Suho spluttered in laughter. “I thought you said that Seojun was a giant baby with no manners?”

Seojun gave Sujin a scathing look. Sujin went pink, “I never said that! You take that back!”

“It’s still strange.” Suah leaned closer. “What happened? Have you guys settled your differences?”

“Han Seojun got Sujin flowers.” Suho said cheekily.

“Yah!” Seojun protested. But it was in vain, the deed was done, and everyone oohed and aahed at this news.

“Did you really get her flowers?”

“Wait, when did this happen?”

“Does that mean that Seojun apologized first?”

“What kind of flowers?”

Seojun looked at Suho with the rage of a thousand suns. Suho just grinned back.

“Aren’t flowers romantic?”

“Ya! There was nothing romantic about it. All I got her were yellow roses and white tulips.” Seojun defended.

“OoooOoooh. Roooses. Roses are totally romantic.” Taehoon teased.

“They were yellow. Yellow roses are for friendship!”

“So, are you two friends?” Jukyung asked and everyone looked at Seojun and Sujin.

“Meh.” They both shrugged at the same time.

“Omo! Look at how in sync they are!”

“We are not.” They both said in sync.

Seojun had to admit, their group gatherings were much more comfortable now that he and Sujin had cleared the air between them. He enjoyed discovering how Sujin was less the ice princess he had thought her to be and more a regular girl. She also turned out to be much cooler than he had expected.

She had been the only one to see his discomfort when Jukyung and Suho suggested they all go on an overnight trip with them. Going to see their apartment; the very proof that Lim Jukyung and Lee Suho ate and slept—Oh God, don’t think about them sleeping—together was painful enough. Seojun didn’t need to see them canoodling for an entire weekend.

“What about it guys? Shall we go?” Jukyung looked around as everyone nodded excitedly, including Sujin.

But then her eye’s met Seojun’s. He said nothing but he didn’t need to.

“Lim Ju, it’ll be difficult for me to join. I just lost my job, remember? An overnight trip is...” Seojun knew Sujin was just making up an excuse.

“Oh, oh right. Sorry Kang Su-ya. I totally forgot. Something else then!”

The group moved on to discussing other options. Seojun sent Sujin a grateful look. She acted nonchalant, as if she had not just overturned everyone’s plans for him.

“Thanks. For what you did back in there.” He told her as they were all leaving.

“Forget about it.” She waved a hand in dismissal.

The next time the group gathered at a fancier restaurant than usual. A suggestion by Suho who had offered to pay for the food tonight.

“This place is so beautiful.” Suah commented looking around the interior.

“Are we celebrating something?” Sujin asked. “This doesn’t seem like a regular get-together.”

Sujin had only asked for the sake of asking. But something about the way Suho looked at her told Seojun that she was on to something.

“Well,” Jukyung held up her hand, “we do have something to announce.”

And announce she did. The big fat diamond resting on her ring finger had a lot to say. And suddenly everyone erupted with joy. The girls took Jukyung in their arms, squealing and crying with joy. The boys surrounded Suho, patting him on the back, congratulating him.

All except Seojun, who just sat there in a daze. Sujin happened to look over and see him, frozen in his seat. Sujin wasn’t alone in her observation. Taehoon also noticed but missed the implication.

“Look! Han Seojun is actually so shocked he—"

Sujin made it look like an accident, her bumping into the table and sending a glass down on the floor, shattering into a million pieces. The sound shook Seojun out of his daze and also distracted everyone from realizing Seojun’s inner turmoil.

“Oh shit.” Sujin said looking down.

“Hey, be careful.” Jukyung said.

“You okay?” Suho asked Jukyung, taking her arm.

“Excuse me, can we get someone to clean this up?” Taehoon asked the waiter.

The fuss over the broken glass gave Seojun enough time to recover. He then congratulated Suho with a massive hug.

“You both deserve each other. I mean it.” He told Suho and he meant it.

Maintaining a fake smile over dinner was easy. Everyone else was so chatty that Seojun’s and Sujin’s relative silence went unnoticed. Suah pestered Jukyung for details: “How did it happen?”, “When?”, “Why didn’t you call me immediately?”. Taehoon made jokes about marriage being the end of romance to which Suah started an argument with him and then it became about settling matters between the two.

Sujin didn’t remember much of what happened after that, the rest of the night was a blur. She just hoped that she had maintained enough dignity to not appear as bitter as she actually felt.

Even though they all parted very late in the night, Sujin couldn’t go directly home. She needed something to ease the pain. So naturally, she went to the nearest tent bar she could find. The place seemed to be overcrowded, with people waiting outside for others to leave. Sujin managed to sneak in and grab a table.

She downed half of a soju bottle in one go but then couldn’t muster the energy to drink further. Her side dishes went untouched. All Sujin could do was stare and wonder if there was any way to just take her heart out of her chest and throw it away. Because there seemed to be no relief from this pain she was feeling.

She banged her head on the table. “Ah wae? Why can’t I just move on?” She asked herself in frustration.

“Ugh, why the hell are you here?” That irritated tone and deep voice could only belong to one person. And indeed, when Sujin looked up she saw Han Seojun a few tables over looking at her in disdain.

“Wae? You have a claim on this place?” Sujin raised a critical brow.

“And what if I do?”

“Then give me everything for free. Since we’re friends who get along.”

“No. Friends pay double.”

“How stingy.” Sujin took another shot of soju.

The man running the tent bar came over. “Why don’t you two share a table since you know each other? I have customers waiting to be seated.”

“No way, I’m not sitting with her.” Seojun grumbled.

“Aha! I knew it! Being all nice to me was just an act.”

The owner ignored Sujin, “How can two youngsters be so rude? Get up! I’m moving you over there.”

This was how Han Seojun came to drink with Kang Sujin for the second time. They both looked at each other with scowling faces.

“What happened, Kang Sujin? You were acting all happy for the lucky couple.” Seojun taunted. He seemed a little tipsy but so was Sujin.

“Of course, I’m happy. I’m so, so happy.” She said wistfully.

Seojun scoffed. “Is that why you were whining about not being able to move on? I thought you said you didn’t like Lee Suho anymore.”

Sujin narrowed her eyes. “I don’t. And even if I allegedly did, at least I held it all in. You were clearly about to run away with Jukyung before I saved you.”

“Saved me? Puh-lease.”

“Why? Do you think that glass fell on its own?”

Seojun gave her a sideways look before taking another shot.

“You gonna eat that?” He pointed a chin to her plate.

“Nah, have it.”

They sat in silence for a moment. A comfortable silence where neither felt compelled to say anything.

Sujin shook Seojun when she suddenly smacked her glass down on the table. “I’m over Lee Suho.” She declared. “I’m over Lee Suho… but…”

“Just because you’re over him, doesn’t mean you stopped loving him.” Seojun said what she was thinking.

She looked at him, her pain evident on her face. In that moment, he let himself be vulnerable too.  

“Isn’t it funny? Out of everyone I know, you’re the only one who gets… this.” Sujin said.

Seojun chuckled. “Exactly. Who woulda thought? Kang Sujin and Han Seojun having something in common.”

“You know it’s gonna hurt even worse from now on, right? We’re the closest to those two. That means we’ll be involved in everything.”

Seojun rubbed his faced. “I can’t think about that right now. Or I really will die.”

Sujin understood what he meant. “You know what I want?”

“What?”

“I want Suho to never find out that I still like him.”

“What do you mean?”

“I mean, I can’t help that I feel this way right? You can’t stop yourself from feeling what you feel. But… I wanna keep my dignity. I wanna still be cool and… not be seen as some pathetic loser who’s still after her best friend’s boyfriend.”

Seojun took a shot, nodding.

Sujin leaned forward. “That’s why, I suggest we help each other out.”

Seojun gave her a look. “How so?”

“Well, if we see the other being too transparent, then we stop them, or at least take the attention away so that the other can collect themselves.”

“Like the broken glass today?”

“Like the broken glass today. And if it’s getting too painful, then we can just talk about it.”

Seojun laughed. “Kang Sujin, offering therapy. That’s rich.”

“Not therapy. Friendship. It helps if you talk about stuff like this.” Sujin insisted.

Seojun gave her a considering look. “What’s in it for me? These seem like things you want to do.”

“You’ll be able to attend Jukyung’s wedding without feeling like you’re dying on the inside.”

“There’s no guarantee that will happen.”

“You’re right, there isn’t. But at least that’s what it’ll look like. Think about it Han Seojun. Do you want Jukyung to always see you as the friend who is in love with her? Or do you want her to see you as a cool friend who she can comfortably rely on, without wondering if she’s hurting his feelings.”

Seojun thought about it. It felt like a bad idea. But there was a part of Han Seojun that was tired of his own attachment to Lim Jukyung. If it meant that it would help him move on, then he was willing to try anything

“Alright, Kang Sujin.” He raised his glass. Sujin clinked hers with his. “Let’s try this.”

I am bad at making memes but I do it any way