#i just have been as busy as ive ever been in my life and exhausted and overwhelmed and feeling like i look gross post illness

[lengthenedshadows]

since I got sick I've been feeling weird about being Witnessed bc I feel like I look so different... but I'm trying to get over that, so here's a couple hot-mess barefaced pics of the self indulgent yarrow crown I made today in the work truck between properties

[jinstronaut]

this is also why i stopped using my tracked tag for a while tbh

[etls]

so fucking angry. why. why did my mum KNOWINGLY treat me worse because she knew some of what I had been through and knew she couldn't fix it. so she minimised everything I felt. ridiculed me for showing any emotion. still does so to this day. but she ADMITTED. that she fucking abused me my entire LIFE, because I was going through so much that my mental health wasn't fixable by her. so she chose to add to my issues? and now she gets fucking upset when I tell her I will never be her fucking friend? that we will never get along? you fucking CAUSED this jo-anne you did this to your fucking SELF.

[1d1195]

Dolcezza IV

Read Dolcezza here

A little fluffy, a little angsty; hope you like it! :)

~8.6k words

“Who’s Harry? He’s cute,” she smiled excitedly.

Shaking her head, she sighed. “Harry’s a friend.”

“A cute friend,” she whispered peeking over at him still chatting with her father and sister.

Her face warmed and she shook her head. “Stop.”

“Don’t know many boys who would drive them home to their crazy family and spend the day baking and running errands.”

She nodded. “I know.”

“Yes Mom, I know. I understand,” she listened to her mother at the other end of her phone. She piled her stuff in the back of her car and rubbed her forehead. Slamming the door shut, she continued listening to her mom ramble on and on. “I’ll be there in an hour and a half,” she assured her rolling her neck from side to side. A day off was rarely a day off for her. The peacefulness of her personal day was over. It was onto the chaotic portion which would no doubt leave her feeling unrested and anxious.

Thinking about her book, she heard her mom’s continued chatter. Her complaints of how no one helped her around the house and “did I tell you about who I ran into at the grocery store?”

“Mom! I have to go!” She longed for the book she was reading only an hour prior. Thought about the deep breathing from the online yoga class she followed from YouTube only two hours prior. Ending the call, she sighed heavily again, squared her shoulders, and fell into the driver’s seat.

With a frown, she looked at the empty restaurant, lights off, closed sign hanging in the window. She didn’t even get to see Harry before she left, and she really wanted to. Since Harry took care of her, she ached to see Harry more frequently but was trying to keep her distance so as not to overwhelm him. The last place she would ever want to see her stalker was at work (not to mention it would be worse since she mostly worked from home). For anyone, it was uncomfortable when someone was flirty and there was no escape (because it was their job to be there).

She should have just texted him. That’s what Harry gave her his number for right? To be friends?

To flirt, hopefully. She thought to herself.

But since he had given her number, she hadn’t been the first one to text. Call her ridiculous or playing hard to get. Part of her couldn’t believe someone as handsome and wonderful as Harry wanted to chat with her. She never wanted to bother him, and she imagined that if she started talking, she would never want to stop. Harry would need space and...

Well, it spiraled pretty quickly.

So, all their conversations over text had been through Harry sending the first message.

Since she helped that busy night a few months back, she made her way to the kitchen at least once a week. Antonio enjoyed her help and found her adorable and helpful in a way that he couldn’t find in many employees. “Don’t get me wrong tesorino, I love my employees. They’re family. But they’re also in high school and college and they don’t care nearly as much as I do about this place.” She overheard him tell Niall, “It’s nice to depend on her as a tenant, someone I can trust Leo with, and someone that cares for the restaurant like she’s worked here her whole life.”

It made her feel warm, and she loved helping. It had been nearly routine; working from home, going to the gym, running errands, eating eggplant and spaghetti, and smiling at Harry through the kitchen window. It was so nice to relax and be around people who liked her company. People who didn’t make her feel crazy like her family.

It was nice to relax and not worry about being followed for the first time in a really long time.

I could send a simple, “good morning, have a good day” text. She thought. It was harmless. She could do that.

Right?

Sighing, she decided against it. Maybe he was sleeping in. She tried to remember what day he had off that week but was coming up short. Maybe she would come say hello at the end of her long day if she wasn’t too exhausted. But it was unlikely that would be the case at the end of what would be a long, long day. There was always tomorrow.

Plus, if Harry ended up texting her back, she would probably crash her car to answer him. Shoving the key in the ignition, she was trying to be positive, but it was hard to do so when she was not going to see Harry and she was not looking forward to the rest of her day off.

The feeling was only amplified as her engine did not turn over. She groaned. “No, no, no…” she whined. She knew very little about cars. Every year she asked her parents to renew her AAA membership for her birthday. She was ever practical, and it was a huge joke among her extended family. It was something she hated paying for herself but wouldn’t be caught dead without.

Right when the car didn’t start, she should have just called AAA. But instead—maybe because she was already frustrated and anxious about dealing with her family—she got out of her car to look at the mechanical engineering, as if she even knew what she was doing. With her phone’s flashlight, she peered under the hood, like she would suddenly know what she was looking for. She readjusted the strap of her purse to keep it from falling into the greasy, mechanical things and getting disgusting. Always one to take the time to learn a new skill, her dad showed her how to change a battery, check her oil, and replace various things in her car once she got her license. She was praying the battery was somehow disconnected. Because even if she had called AAA right then and there, it would ruin her whole schedule. Her whole day. She would let her family down and that would...well that would be really bad for her psyche.

But at the heart of it, it really made no sense for her to look under the hood. The thought of seeing her family tended to wreak havoc on her mind and make her do things like this.

A gust of wind made it’s way down the road. It blew her hair in her face and as she tried to blow it back out of her mouth, she heard the thunk of her car door closing. She bounced at the sound because it scared her. Making her hit her head on the open hood. “FUCK!” She hissed, rubbing the sore spot. She hurried to look at the door that had betrayed her. “No, no, no,” she whined reaching for the handle, but her gut already told her it was too late.

“Oh, you have got to be kidding me!” she groaned rubbing her eyes with the heels of her palms. After thirty seconds of silence and utter disbelief, she began smacking the window with the open palms of her hands repeatedly. She made grunting and grumpy noises and kicked the tire for good measure. “You stupid piece—!” She hissed and continued to beat up the inanimate object.

Harry saw her from his own car when he pulled into the parking space nearby. Niall looked up from the passenger seat while Harry checked to make sure he was safely and adequately in the spot.

“Oof, that doesn’t look too good,” Niall murmured, just as she began attacking her car.

Harry hurried to throw the car in park and get out of his vehicle.

“Hey, hey, hey!” Harry rushed seemingly from nowhere. He quickly raced to her, pulling her by the hips swiftly so there was small distance from her vehicle to keep her from hitting it and preventing her from self-injury. “Principessa,” his voice was so soothing. Even though she was livid and frustrated, she couldn’t help but feel like he was speaking directly into her soul, his voice warm and perfect.

The few times she ended up in Dolcezza’s kitchen, Harry was somehow kinder to her than when they were interacting elsewhere. His voice was gentle as he walked past her with a hot tray. “Behind y’principessa,” or “watch y’hands, kitten, this one’s hot.” Something of that nature. Even when it was busy as could be, he would gently place a hand on her lower back and walk by her making her stomach flutter.

Harry touching her and physically pulling her away from her vehicle, on top of that soothing warm voice, almost made her feel remorse for attacking her car. “The car is gonna win, every time, kitten.” His hands now gripped the top of her arms holding her in place even though she strained ever so slightly against his hold to return to her frustrated movements. Niall was close behind. He tried all her doors to see if they were unlocked. But no dice.

Her face crumpled and Harry thought he would cry if she did. “This is the worst day off in the history of days off,” she moaned.

Harry released the top of her arms, skimmed down the length of them and rotated her hands for injury. All the while she explained the awfulness of the last ten minutes, all the things she had to do and why she was upset that this was the time her car had chosen to break down. Niall frowned at her story, no doubt feeling bad for her, but Harry could see the delight in his eyes. “Well, tesorino, don’t count today out just yet. Harry also has the day off. I’m sure he would be happy to drive you to your mum’s,” he clapped Harry on the back of his shoulder. “I’ll keep an eye on your car. Make sure they get your keys safely in my hands and your car to the dealership.”

Harry smirked awkwardly and coughed as Niall volunteered him. Of course, he would do it, but he knew that she would be upset.

It was evident by the way her skin pinked with the suggestion. The thought of Harry doing something kind for her without any return on his time investment? “No way,” she snorted almost bitterly. “This is an all-day expedition,” she shook her head. “I can’t ask you to give up your day off for me.”

This was great for Harry on fifty different levels, minimum. He would get to see her in her element, talk to her about a ton of stuff, meet her family, and see her hometown. There wasn’t a better day off to be had. Except she looked infuriated, and Harry wasn’t sure he was exempt from her frustration. She texted rapidly on her phone. “Could y’go another day, kitten?” Harry asked softly. She shook her head. Tears were definitely filling her eyes at the mere thought. “Okay, so let’s go,” Harry shrugged and walked toward his car. She frowned.

“You really... don’t mind?”

“Not at all.”

“Harry,” she whispered so quietly, and he turned around as he held the passenger door open. Her heart nearly stopped. She forgot why she was so mad. She wasn’t sure anyone had held a door open for her like that. Ever. “It’s... a lot,” she told him.

He smiled looking back over his shoulder. “Then we better get moving.”

She stayed put and felt so utterly awful, but Harry was waiting. It felt wrong to keep him waiting. Especially when she could only imagine what the day would bring without him really knowing.

“Did you desperately need anything in your car?” Niall asked, trying the handle once more.

“Yeah, like all that baking stuff,” she rubbed her forehead not having any kind of backup plan for that scenario. Harry frowned and closed the door to the car and started for the restaurant. At least Harry could come up with a backup plan for her.

“Why are you bringing baking stuff?” Niall peered into the backseat to see a bag of groceries and three cupcake pans, ignoring Harry’s path to Dolcezza’s front door.

“Uhh…” she swallowed hard. Obviously, whatever the reason was not something she felt like sharing. At least not right then. Harry frowned.

“It doesn’t matter, Principessa, don’t worry. Ni, can y’help grab some stuff,” he said opening the door to the restaurant. In a matter of minutes, she had replaced the groceries and metal pans that she had brought from her apartment.

“Niall, can you give them to Antonio when you get the car open?” She asked her eyebrows pinched together in worry.

He nodded. “Course, tesorino,” he smiled. “Don’t worry about a thing.”

“I would wait and ask Antonio for his key, get my spare car key, everything...but—”

“Principessa,” Harry said pressing a hand on her lower back making her feel like she might pass out. It took every ounce of restraint to not let the shiver threatening to roll through her body viciously for him and Niall to see her completely lose her mind over Harry’s touch. “S’okay. He’ll understand. Let’s go,” he smiled opening his car door again for her to sit in the passenger seat.

“Thank you,” she said gratefully. Harry rolled down the window as he started his car.

“It’s what friends are for, tesorino,” Niall winked at her. She was only a half hour behind schedule. An easy comeback.

She nodded. Other than Eleanor and Louis, she wasn’t sure she knew what that was like. “Well, still,” she said softly. “I’ll make it up to you,” she promised.

Niall smiled gently at her and caught Harry’s gaze very briefly before he pulled away from the curb.

*

Once on the highway, she made a call to her sister, and explained the problem. At the same time, Harry called Niall and gave specific instructions not to let her keys out of his sight. Overcome, once more by the worry of someone stealing her keys and finding her apartment upstairs. Throwing that thought out of his mind, he told Niall that he had to pass the car one off to the tow truck driver and hold her other ones until they got back. He also left him in charge of making sure her car was properly taken care of, and he was to text Harry if there was an issue. She spent the first hour of the drive near silence. Instead, texting and scrolling on her phone. It didn’t upset Harry, but it did worry him. “Do y’need anything kitten? Wanna stop for coffee or...?”

She shook her head. “Maybe later,” she answered.

He nodded. “Alright.”

It very much seemed like she didn’t want to talk. But right as the GPS alerted her that they would arrive in half an hour she started to squirm ever so slightly.

“Y’okay, Principessa?”

She sighed and put her head in her hands. “My family is a lot,” she told him. “Like just chaotic and a little crazy; it’s embarrassing.”

He frowned. “Okay, I’m... I’m sorry that y’feel embarrassed. But... every family has something, y’know?” His voice was gentle and quiet. Encouraging. “M’not going t’like... say anything.”

She nodded. “Thank you,” she looked at her lap, inspecting her fingertips.

“Plus, if... if you came from them... they’re already the most wonderful people I’ll ever meet,” he shrugged as if that wasn’t the sweetest, kindest thing she’d ever heard. He didn’t get a good look because he didn’t want to take his eyes off the road, but he hoped her cheeks were that pretty pink color.

“They’re good people...but...” she sighed.

“Kitten,” he reached over and put his hand on her squirming fingers. He gave them a reassuring squeeze. “S’okay. I promise,” he whispered.

She took a deep breath and looked out the window. Harry glanced at her briefly. It was the safest he had ever driven in his life—and he was already a safe driver. But even though he was desperate to hold her hand the way he was right now; he couldn’t help but feel bad about removing his hand from the two-position. She was the most precious thing he had ever had in his car and wanted to keep her safe no matter what—even if he really wanted to keep holding her hand and assure her it would be alright.

She looked at Harry in her peripheral. “My sister is going to fall in love with you.”

He smirked. “M’a bit older than her, yeah?”

“She’s eighteen,” she sighed. “But we think she was born as a thirteen-year-old.”

“S’a bit young for me,” he winked. She squeezed his hand as she smiled softly. Harry wondered if she knew she did that but didn’t want to bring it to her attention.

“Also,” she took another deep breath. “They don’t... I’ve never told them about the person following me,” she mumbled. Harry very nearly stopped the car.

He cleared his throat awkwardly. “Oh?”

“They would...” she shook her head. “I don’t know.”

“Isn’t y’brother a dispatcher? Does he want t’be a police officer?”

“Yeah...but...” she shrugged. “I don’t know. Please don’t mention it, not that I think you would but—”

“Kitten,” he frowned. “S’a pretty big thing t’hide from your family.”

“Well,” she was skimming her thumb along the back of Harry’s hand, and he had never enjoyed hand holding so much in his whole life. “It would just worry them,” her voice was quiet. Like she wanted to tell them. Maybe she wanted them to worry about her. “I don’t... they don’t need to worry about me,” she mumbled. “It’s not a big deal, really. You know?”

It was. Every time Harry saw her, there was the smallest part of his brain thinking about how someone was so obsessed with her that he watched her every movement for over a year. So much so that she had to move. It wasn’t a way to live, and she didn’t see it as a problem. Didn’t see it as something that people who cared about her should worry about. Harry wanted to cry about how sweet she was. She deserved... everything.

“I won’t say anything, Principessa,” he squeezed her hand. She smiled.

“This is the nicest thing anyone has ever done for me... someone that isn’t Eleanor or Louis,” she explained.

“Eleanor...” he followed the GPS’s directions to get off the highway. It wasn’t quite a city, but not a small town either. There were lots of stores and restaurants right off the exit and Harry stopped at the red light. “El mentioned y’had an ex-boyfriend—”

“Course she did,” she rolled her eyes.

Harry ignored her comment. “—he must’ve... helped.”

She shrugged. “Yeah... but...” she looked at how her hands were holding Harry’s. It was so warm and somehow more intimate than every kiss she had with her ex. It felt like holding Harry’s hand was holding a piece of his heart and she didn’t necessarily think it was as simple as that... but she really liked it. “He... he complained a lot,” she mumbled. “I told you my family is a lot, and they are. But... they’re good people and I love them so it’s...” she sighed. “It’s complicated. I shouldn’t have dated him for as long as I did. Eleanor was probably right to not like him. By the end of it... it was like we lived two separate lives. I just did what I wanted and he...” she shrugged nonchalantly.

“You deserved more,” he finished.

“Well...I don’t know about—”

“No, Principessa,” he interrupted, cutting her off. “S’not a negotiation. You deserved more,” he promised squeezing her hand. They turned off the main road. Harry let her contemplate his statement in silence and continued following the GPS.

Her neighborhood was quaint and looked like a great place to grow up. It was the type of neighborhood little ones probably loved to Trick or Treat in. The kind where you could go to a neighbor’s house and ask for a cup of sugar and chat for so long you forgot to finish baking. Harry wondered if people sang Christmas carols or had block parties. But her grip had stiffened around Harry’s hand, and he could see her physically steeling herself. Her shoulders stiffened, everything about her seemed to be almost defensive. “If it’s too much for you,” she said getting out of the car and grabbing the baking items out of the back seat, “you can leave... there’s a cute mall with shops and restaurants back toward the highway if you need time to get away. I wouldn’t... I won’t blame you,” she turned her attention to the house she grew up in and looked at the Christmas lights still hanging from the gutter, draped on the shrubs.

It was February, now. Her heart felt heavy.

Harry had gotten screamed at during culinary school four and a half out of five days of the week. She was the kindest sweetest soul on the planet. There was no way her family could be so bad that he would feel the need to leave. “Thank you, kitten. M’going t’be fine,” he winked at her taking the bag of supplies and the pans from her, so she had free hands to open the front door. With a deep breath, she turned the knob and stepped inside.

It was loud. That was the first thing Harry noticed. There was yelling from one room to the other. In her defense, it wasn’t angry. It was as if they didn’t want to leave their rooms. The smoke detector was going off and a clang of pans coming from the kitchen. “She’s here!” A voice shouted from somewhere upstairs. Harry glanced around quickly catching pictures of when she was younger. He hoped he had a chance to look at them again later.

Harry watched her as she took in the scene. The living room and dining room were a bit cluttered. But it wasn’t as bad as she thought it was going to be. She hoped after she told them a friend was driving because of her car situation that they would clean up a bit. Maybe they did, or maybe her sister finally found better lighting in her room to do her makeup and skincare routine each morning instead of the living room. She pulled the items from Harry’s hands so he could take his coat off. He did so silently, and quickly took the items back from her so she could do the same.

Obviously, the smoke detector and kitchen were her first stop. “Mom,” she said evenly as she walked into the kitchen. Harry followed behind. It was a little more cluttered. Especially considering they knew she was coming over to bake cupcakes.

“Hey sweetie!” The woman turned. Harry could see his future. The sweet girl would grow up to be a pretty mom just like the woman in front of him. “Oh hello; I thought Eleanor was driving you.”

Harry saw her entire body flinch then, somehow, stiffen more. “Eleanor moved, Mom. I told you that.” The smoke detector was still going off and it somehow wasn’t fazing any of them and Harry found that rather funny and cute. But he was surprised that her mom didn’t remember her best friend had moved.

“Silly me, must have forgot,” she laughed and shrugged. She turned and took Harry’s items once more and set them on the little space left on the kitchen island.

“This is Harry,” she gestured to him.

Harry held his hand out. “Nice to meet you. You have a lovely home.”

She grinned and Harry could see every facial feature of the sweet girl had come directly from her mother. It was almost uncanny. “Thank you, Harry. Thanks for driving her,” she smiled. “Emma, honey! what are we doing with the smoke detector?”

“Nothing? Why?” The female voice responded.

Harry watched the girl’s face drop with exhaustion. The poor thing. They hadn’t been there longer than two minutes. Her mom rolled her eyes. “Can you turn it off?”

“I don’t know how!”

“I got it!” A male voice answered.

There was a clatter and a thud, but the alarm stopped. She felt the ringing of it still in her ears. “Honey, your daughter is here,” her mom sang.

After a moment, her father stepped into the kitchen joining them. “Hey sweetie,” he smiled. He nodded at Harry and gave his daughter a hug. She returned the hug, the light in her eyes seemed dead making her look stoic and tired. “No Eleanor?”

She nodded. “No Eleanor,” she sighed.

“Eleanor moved,” her mom answered pulling a casserole dish out of the oven. It smelled delicious.

“Really?” her dad said in surprise.

“M’Harry,” he said holding his hand out again for him to shake next. She was watching her mother with her casserole dish, she quickly moved things off the counter, so she had room to set it down. It wasn’t the most unusual thing, but it was very obvious that she was used to anticipating her family’s every movement. Maybe that’s why it was so nice to work with her in the kitchen at Dolcezza.

“What brings you here?” He asked.

“Emma’s bake sale,” she answered and began throwing used cooking utensils in the sink. She peeked into the dishwasher and noticed it was full. “Is this clean or dirty?” She asked.

“It’s clean. I asked Emma to empty it.”

“When?” she muttered under her breath looking at the stack of plates and dishes in the sink piling high enough that she thought she would have to run two loads while she was here. Harry was taking it all in, looking at the pictures on the fridge. “What’s she doing?”

“Who knows,” her mom smirked with an eyeroll. “Our princess is something else,” she explained to Harry with a smile.

Harry returned the smile but didn’t think Emma could be a princess. Not if she didn’t unload the dishwasher when she was asked. Nor if she knew how to handle a smoke detector. Harry got the sense that she was perhaps a bit spoiled—not through any fault of her own but ten years younger than her oldest sibling, she had to be waited on throughout her childhood.

Not to mention the only Prinicipessa in Harry’s life was the sweet girl he had spent an hour and a half with in the car. “Emma!” Her dad called.

“Coming!” She shouted and Harry heard a flutter of footfalls on the stairs coming from around the corner.

Her jaw dropped when she entered the kitchen. “You’re not Eleanor,” she said in surprise. Harry smirked. The poor girl looked ready to cry right there. Not one of them remembered. He wished he had her brother’s phone number just so he could warn him in advance. If he said Eleanor later Harry would lose it. He found it so unbearably sad, he thought she was going to cry. She flexed her jaw.

“Eleanor moved,” her dad explained.

“Huh,” she shrugged.

“M’Harry,” he said for the third time and held his hand out.

It seemed the genes she got from her mom were extremely strong. The three of them could have been mistaken for triplets. Her sister stared at him in surprise and nodded. “Emma,” she mumbled in surprise.

“Emma, can you empty the dishwasher since we have to make cupcakes and need space?” She asked.

Her sister rolled her eyes and Harry turned his attention again to the pictures on the fridge. Harry had his fair share of arguments with Gemma growing up. But he knew two sisters who argued could be on another level. “Did Mom ask you to ask me?”

Their mom opened her mouth, but she spoke before her mom uttered a syllable. “No Emma, but it’s courtesy to do what mom asks you to do, you know?”

“I was going to get to it after I finished my makeup.”

“Right because the dishes need you to be looking your best to get in the cabinet. Forget it. I’ll do it,” she sighed rubbing a hand on her forehead. “Why are the Christmas lights still up? I thought you were taking them down last week while James was home?” She wondered.

“James didn’t want to,” Emma shrugged. “Who cares? It’s pretty in the snow.”

She shared a look with her mom who once more looked so much like Harry’s sweet Principessa. She looked exhausted.

Oh.

Her mother’s genes were really strong. The exhaustion wasn’t something that just happened to her, it had been happening for longer than she had been alive.

“Alright,” she sighed and rubbed the back of her neck. “I will...manage that too.”

“Sweetie, you don’t need to do everything,” her dad said.

She turned to him briefly with an irritated expression. One that said, by all means, you do whatever you want. But it stopped as quickly as it started. After her expression returned to neutral, she began to unload the dishwasher. Harry wanted to keep a mental list of things to mention to her while he was here. The first being the look she gave her dad.

“Why are you making cupcakes?” Her mom asked quietly.

“I don’t know,” she sighed in frustration. “The winter carnival is expecting them or something...” she rolled her eyes. To her sister’s defense, she used to always make them when she was in high school. A “secret” recipe of hers (even if it was by all accounts a pretty standard cupcake recipe). But it had been talked about since she graduated. She made them for her brother and every year someone’s sibling of someone she knew from high school knew her and would ask.

Unlike her sister, everyone else had the courtesy to ask months in advance. Not a week like Emma. “I thought you knew!” She had exclaimed when she told her about it. “You always make them!”

“You didn’t ask!”

“I didn’t know I had to!” Emma was nearly hyperventilating on the phone thinking that she wasn’t going to make them because she had waited too long. But that was too much to explain to her mom. It was expected of her, and she should have known that she needed to make cupcakes. How could she not?

Harry was chatting with her father. Inquiring about how they had met and so forth. If Harry was into sports or if he liked fishing. She hoped Harry wouldn’t let it slip why she moved. “We haven’t seen her new place,” her dad admitted.

“S’nice. Y’should come by. We’ll make y’a delicious dinner too at the restaurant,” Harry promised.

She continued glancing over while the dishes were put in the correct cabinet, and she reloaded items from the sink to the machine. “Why don’t you make her do things, Mom?” She asked tiredly. Emma was inserting herself into the conversation with Harry and her dad. Her mom helped by clearing off the counters as quickly as possible.

She shrugged. “You know how Emma is,” she said.

“Kick her out,” she knew it was dramatic, but maybe even a threat would be helpful.

“Sweetie,” she rolled her eyes and shook her head. “You know that’s not how I operate. I could never kick out the three of you.” Plus, if she did kick her out, she would end up right at her doorstep. Right outside Dolcezza. “Who’s Harry? He’s cute,” she smiled excitedly.

Shaking her head, she sighed. “Harry’s a friend.”

“A cute friend,” she whispered peeking over at him still chatting with her father and sister.

Her face warmed and she shook her head. “Stop.”

“Don’t know many boys who would drive them home to their crazy family and spend the day baking and running errands.”

She nodded. “I know.”

Once the kitchen was mostly cleared, she was certain her dad loved Harry. To be fair, it was pretty easy to fall in love with him. She had done it about a thousand times. Emma was starstruck. She eyed his tattoos and his muscular arms. Harry had the best smile and the nicest eyes. Emma was going to be a giggly mess.

“Alright, I made shepherd’s pie for when you finish baking and before you go see James. What did he say he needed that you had to come?” Her mom asked.

Harry turned his attention back, wondering as well. She hadn’t said anything about the reason for her brother and added it to the list in his mind for when they headed to his off-campus apartment. “Just haven’t seen him in a while,” she shrugged.

“Probably needs money,” Emma snorted.

Her mom looked at her. “Sweetheart, don’t you dare give your brother money.”

She rolled her eyes. “Better me than you,” she mumbled.

Harry was starting to understand why this was going to be a long day.

*

Everyone left the kitchen and she got to work getting bowls, preheating the oven and all the other things she needed in a flurry of activity.

“M’not much of a baker, kitten. S’gonna have t’be all you. But m’really good at taking direction,” he promised with a smile. “Jus’ tell me what t’do.”

It was the cutest thing ever to see her put an apron on that was decorated with flowers on the print. She rolled her sleeves up to her elbows and twisted her hair back out of her face. She was adorable. “You’re sure?” She asked.

“S’all you, Principessa.”

“Okay, I just work really quick because I have to do other things so—”

“Okay,” he interrupted with a nod and a deeper smile. One that made the dimple in his cheek poke through. It poked right through her heart. “S’fine. I can do that,” he assured her with a head nod.

“Thank you, Harry,” she said gratefully.

“Course, kitten. M’happy t’help you. You’ve been helping so much in the kitchen. S’least I can do,” he squeezed her upper arm as he gazed at her hoping she would just see how much Harry liked her. They worked quickly, stirring all kinds of batter. They were making three different cupcakes: chocolate, vanilla, and red velvet. Her recipe was easy to follow. He liked her extra touches that made it her own and he thought that he would have to tell Antonio to hire her full time just to make cupcakes. “How come y’not a baker?” Harry was pulling the cupcakes out of the tins so he could place more paper cupcake holders to dole out more batter. He lined the cupcakes on every available surface. He insisted on this job since as he kept telling her, his fingertips were immune to the hot temperatures of the cupcakes right out of the oven.

“It’s a nice little hobby,” she smiled. “I don’t think I have enough good stuff just to open a little shop and sell cupcakes.”

“Would y’want to?” He wondered.

She shook her head. “No...I like my job. I’m good at it.”

“M’sure you are jus’ good at everything y’do, kitten,” he chuckled.

She smiled and put her hand on Harry’s arm as she walked behind him. In between rounds of trays going in and out of the oven, she was working on the pile of dishes and the dishwasher. It was almost done, and he was impressed (but not surprised) by how efficiently she worked. They chatted more about her job—she was a finance manager for a big company in the city near Dolcezza. She enjoyed it; her coworkers were nice, and people valued her skill. Not that that surprised Harry in the slightest. She found it nice to work from home as long as she maintained specific working hours.

“That was the hardest adjustment about working at home. I was worried I would just work all the time.” He nodded understandingly enjoying the passion she had for everything she did. “I think maybe if I wasn’t doing this, I would want to teach people about finance,” she shrugged.

“Y’would teach bratty teenagers?” Harry asked in surprise with a smile.

“I’m pretty good with them,” she winked and jutted her chin toward the empty hallway coming off the kitchen indicating Emma, of course. Harry laughed and shook his head at her.

After more chit chat, there were about 130 cupcakes cooling and waiting to be frosted after a while. “Do you mind helping with the lights?” She asked quietly. The last batch of cupcakes just went in, and all the cleaning was almost done.

Harry turned to see her pink cheeks. It was hard for her to ask for help, Harry could see that. But it was really exciting for him to hear her ask. It was a huge step. Even if it was already implied that he would help her with whatever. “Course, Principessa,” he smiled. “M’happy to.”

“This has to be the worst day off in the history of the world for you.”

“I don’t know. Cupcakes and a pretty girl?” She dropped her gaze to the sink and Harry smiled at her shyness. “S’better than me jus’ sleeping the day away,” he smiled.

“Don’t you have... a date or something?” She wondered, looking as far away from Harry’s face as possible. She didn’t want to catch his expression in her peripheral. “It’s Friday. I imagine you only get a Friday off once in a while.”

He smirked with a shake of his head. She was oblivious.

Or maybe she just didn’t want to see it because of who she was. Harry adored her and that probably scared some part of her, even he could recognize that. “It rotates,” he agreed. “But... no. M’not really interested in dating anyone,” he told her.

“No?” She frowned before she could stop herself. Immediately, she regretted saying it. But was desperate to know the answer.

His heart sped. He wondered if the strong, rhythmic beating would break one of his ribs. Closing the oven, he turned to see her still working on the dishes. But after a near silent moment, he stopped her movements, grabbed her by the wrists and turned her around from the sink. Her hands dripped water on the floor, and he shifted her so that her back was to the counter. His hands pressed on either side of her hips against it, and he put a breath of space between them. “I’d make an exception for you,” he promised and scanned her face. Her eyelashes fluttered and she swallowed hard.

“Yeah?” She whispered.

“Always, Principessa,” he murmured and dropped his gaze to her lips.

Her brain got the better of her again, making her mouth speak before she could comprehend what she was about to say. Her breath was airy, her mind spinning with the scent of vanilla cupcakes and Harry’s shampoo filling her nose as he leaned toward her. “You’re really going to kiss me in my parents’ house? When it’s crazy, and I’m crazy, and they’re—”

Harry chuckled, bringing a hand to the side of her face, and brushing his thumb against her cheek. As hard as his heart was beating, it felt so suddenly slow. Like this was normal and what he was supposed to do. It didn’t need a crazy heartbeat. It was simply what he was supposed to do. He glanced briefly around to see if her family was nearby—he wouldn’t want to intentionally embarrass her. “Yeah, kitten. Guess I am,” he shrugged and leaned the final distance to press his lips solidly between hers.

The moment his lips touched her, she felt her knees soften. Like she was going to fall over. All the blood in her body rushed from her extremities to her heart. It made her feel weak all over. His lips were so soft, like little down pillows. They weren’t chapped at all like she thought they’d be. Her whole body felt a rush of warmth, like the oven was open and brushing hot air over her. Her lashes fluttered, making her eyes close and she wished she dried her hands because she wanted to hold onto him, but didn’t want to get his shirt wet when he had nothing else to wear.

She sighed deeply. It was so sweet. It made his chest ache with want; he wanted to be closer. Wanted to kiss her longer. Wanted to wrap her in his arms and never ever let her go. Harry had never kissed anyone that had sighed so softly like that while kissing him. It was so very her and it made him feel like he was going to melt into the floor. Her lips tasted like chocolate from when she tested the batter. His hand kept hold of the side of her face while he nipped and pecked at her lips. The other pressed against the counter, the length of his body pressed to hers, the only two things keeping him upright and not bringing them down to the kitchen floor.

He released her lips after a moment causing a beautiful breathy sigh to leave her lips. His gaze was so intense she felt it in her stomach. It couldn’t have been more than forty-five seconds of kissing, but he would have taken an hour, and it wouldn’t have been enough. She wiped a hand on her apron and then brought it to her mouth to touch her tingly lips.

Harry’s breath was a little shallow and she was grateful he sounded a little worse for wear only because she was worried, she was going to pass out right in the middle of the kitchen. “Thanks,” she whispered.

He chuckled, shaking his head. That was very much a her thing to say at a time like this. It made his stomach flutter with excitement. “Pleasure was all mine, Principessa,” he mumbled pressing a kiss to her forehead and gently squeezing the side of her face as he held her cheek.

They stood for a moment staring at each other like they had never seen each other before. As awful as her day was, and as frustrated as her family could make her feel, this was infinitely better than what she thought it would be.

“We should... take care of the lights,” she whispered. Not that she wanted to, but kissing Harry with three quarters of her family one room away did not seem ideal.

He nodded. “Okay,” he released her cheek making her regret her choice because she felt utterly cold. She shivered and Harry sighed as he stepped away from her. Right as she turned back for the sink, the water still running, Harry caught her wrist again and pulled her so quickly to him her heart skipped a beat. “One more,” he mumbled and brought their mouths back together just as quick as he pulled her toward him, she hardly had time to react. His tongue gently tracing the length of her lip making her sigh again and he thought he would surely explode from how much he liked her.

*

“Where are the boxes?” She asked as she put her coat on. Harry pulled her hair from getting trapped and smoothed it softly on the back of her jacket. He found about a hundred excuses to touch her in the last half hour while they waited for the cupcakes to finish and for her to finish cleaning. The kitchen looked better now that she had been in there.

“In the attic,” her sister said looking up from her phone briefly. She sighed, frustrated that her siblings hadn’t even gotten the boxes down last week. Harry followed her upstairs. In the little hall between all the doors leading to what he assumed were bedrooms and at least one bathroom, was the ceiling door for the attic.

She pulled the cord to bring down the ladder, the hinges of the door groaning.

“Sweetie, wait!” Her mom shouted suddenly. Harry yanked her so hard around her waist as the door opened widely. He pulled her back toward the empty half of the hallway, causing them to fall in a heap right as the ladder half fell, dangling, unhinged to half of the frame of the opening. She would have gotten a serious smack to the face had Harry not pulled her out of the way. She felt so warm in his arms. Even if her falling on top of him with her full weight could not have felt good. She could feel her face burning in embarrassment.

“Emma, are you fucking serious?!” She screamed. She scrambled to get to her feet. She helped Harry back to her feet. “Are you okay?” she asked nervously, her eyes looking him over quickly and her mom had reached the top of the steps. Her eyebrows pinched together. She looked so emotionally hurt. The poor thing.

Harry shook his head looking at the ladder and then at her, still worried she hurt herself. He definitely yanked her really hard, and he did his best to take the brunt of the fall, but that couldn’t have felt good. “M’fine, Principessa, are you alri—”

“How is that my fault?!” Emma shouted.

“You knew it was broken and didn’t tell me?!” She hurried down half the steps to yell at her sister.

“Harry, I’m so sorry,” her mother said.

“It’s okay. We’re alri—”

“Is that why you two didn’t do the decorations?” She was seething. From the top of the steps Harry could see her shoulders heaving with each breath. “Are you serious?”

“What?!”

“The ladder almost hit Harry and I!”

“Kitten,” he started down the couple steps and he touched her shoulder gently.

“Are you sure you’re okay?” Her mom asked.

“I was going to fix it tomorrow,” her dad called from another room.

“I’m fine, I promise,” Harry smiled gently at her mother wondering how she could be ignoring the screaming match.

“Why are you even dealing with the decorations, you came to bake cupcakes!”

“Emma you’re being a selfish brat, not once did you say thank you—”

“Principessa,” Harry’s voice was low, and he moved his hand to her lower back.

“You always make cupcakes!”

“—you do nothing but make messes that Mom has to clean up you could have at least put the decorations away!”

The screaming was reaching levels Harry hadn’t heard before. Especially not from his sweet, pretty angel. He worried about how her throat would feel from yelling so loud and of course the anger that was rippling through her made him worry she would shake so much she would fall down the steps.

“Sweetie,” her mom said pushing past Harry very gently. “It’s okay—”

“Mom, it’s not okay. She is a lazy, spoiled brat and you don’t—”

“Just because you’re older doesn’t mean you get to come over and act like you run everything! You act so high and mighty! We’ve been fine without you living here and bossing all of us around. Can’t you just relax for two seconds and stop being a bitch?!” Emma did not once get up to look at her sister during this conversation.

She finally stopped. Her breathing no longer heaving, she stopped shaking. She flexed her jaw. “The cupcakes need to cool. We’re going to see James and I’ll be back to frost them when we get back,” she snapped and headed down the steps.

“Sweetie,” her mom said softly.

“Dad,” she called stiffly.

Harry followed as quickly as he could.

“Yeah?” His voice was quiet.

“Can you bring the ladder inside that will reach the attic while I’m gone?” She asked.

“Sure thing, sweetie,” he promised.

She walked right out the door and closed it behind her.

“I am so sorry, Harry,” her mom whispered.

“It’s alright. M’gonna make sure she’s alright. I have a sister,” he said encouragingly with a gentle smile. “I get it,” he shrugged. “We’ll be back,” he promised following after her.

*

They drove in silence to her brother’s apartment. Harry reached over and placed his hand on the top of her thigh, but she didn’t hold it the way she had when he drove earlier. She stared out the window the whole time. There wasn’t a word of discussion. Harry didn’t speak, he didn’t play music, just gently moved his index finger back and forth, trying to soothe her as much as possible from the small movement.

James was a half hour away from their house and when there was only ten minutes left of the drive, Harry cleared his throat. “That wasn’t nice of your sister,” he whispered.

“Can we do this later?” She answered.

He frowned. “Principessa.”

“Look, it was really bad and I’m so embarrassed that you saw that and heard that. I’m sad you gave up your day off to deal with my insane family. I feel bad you’re stuck with me for the remainder of the day so I would rather just have you tell me to leave you alone when we’re on the way home—”

Shaking his head quickly, Harry thought about pulling over because surely they had entered an alternate dimension. “Kitten, what on earth are y’talking about?”

“I don’t want to do this, Harry. I’m so close to crying, it’s not even funny.”

He was quiet for a full minute. “Y’don’t have t’be embarrassed around me, Principessa. M’not going anywhere. The only reason I wish we were on our way home is so I could walk y’upstairs and kiss y’outside your door for a lot longer than we did,” he squeezed her thigh gently.

Another silent minute. They were five minutes from James’ place. “Really?” She whispered.

He glanced at her. He could see her teary gaze. The one that broke his heart when she wasn’t feeling well. It broke his heart all over again. “Really, kitten,” he promised. “We can talk ‘bout it later. But y’family doesn’t make me like y’any less. Other than worrying ‘bout you, m’having a lot of fun,” he promised. “Got a new cupcake recipe, got to see cute baby pictures of you, and got to kiss you. So...this is pretty much the best day off I’ve had in years.”

Her heart felt splintered and broken by her sister’s mean words. She was certain Harry would hate her and wouldn’t want anything to do with her. “You still want to kiss me?” She asked.

“Always, Principessa,” he nodded. “I’d ‘ve kissed you the whole way here if it were possible,” he assured her.

Taking a deep breath, she nodded. “I’d like that,” she admitted.

He chuckled, smiling happier than he felt the last twenty-eight minutes worrying about her. “I really, like you Principessa,” she turned that pretty pink that Harry liked so much. He could see it in his peripheral. “I don’t think you’re bossy or mean. I think you are the kindest, most caring person ‘ve ever met,” he put his car in park outside the apartment building the GPS directed him to. He cupped her face again and kissed her forehead. It felt perfect. Like Harry had kissed her a hundred times before. He peered into her eyes with the same look he had right before he kissed her in the kitchen.

“I’m sorry. I think... we have to wait,” she whispered her breath catching in her throat. She felt dizzy with his breath filling her senses. He frowned.

“Don’t want to kiss?” he asked worried she was still going to push him away.

“No... no...” she shook her head her breath uneven. “I do. I very much do. But I won’t...” she sighed nodding quickly. “I won’t want to stop. And I—”

Harry chuckled dropping his lips to press a line of kisses from one cheek to the other over the bridge of her nose. “S’okay, kitten. I’ve waited nearly nine months t’kiss you. Can wait a few more hours,” he promised.

--

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If you like this, check out my masterlist for more of my writing.

[ghostxrose]

Thanks for answering my request so fast! Nobody's answered me so fast, even if you didn't write anything. It's fine, though!! Maybe I'll change my request? How about, an angst (of course) where female reader and Bakugou are married and have kids (doesn't matter how much or how old) but it turns out, Bakugou has been cheating (angst ending pls, unless you don't want) on Yn for a while now?

Ive been looking for something like this recently but never found it!

Thanks! 😘😘

Thank you so much for the ask, Lovely! I'm sorry that it took so long for me to answer, but I hope that I excuted the idea well. If I'm being honest, I had some trouble with this idea. Cheating isn't something I write about, but I hope that you get your fill of angst, haha.. Anyway, much love and appreciation, Lovely!

Earth Shattering | Bakugo Katsuki & Reader

You gaze out of the window of your parent’s dining room, gently rocking the half asleep one-year-old in your arms. It’s warm and sunny outside, but even the sun’s rays can’t melt away the cold feeling at the back of your mind of something being off. Life has been going well, you have everything you could ever want, but still that voice of intuition won’t quit its whispering.

“He hasn’t been with you three when you’ve come by for these lunches in ages. Your father and I just miss seeing our son-in-law, that’s all, hunny.” Your mother says with a touch of concern in her tone.

“He’s the country’s Number Two Hero, Mom. He has a busy schedule and he’s exhausted during his days off.” You say, giving her the same tired excuse that you’ve been giving her for nearly a year now.

Your gaze shifts to the bubbly three-year-old giggling and babbling nonsense to your father. A small smile pulls at your lips and something in your chest warms while simultaneously aching.

Truthfully, Katsuki has barely had time for the three of you. Your poor husband is always either out on the streets fighting demented villains or ends up staying late at his office drowning in paperwork. It’s put a bit of a strain of your relationship, but you know that he can’t do much about his work schedule, so you tough it out.

As much as you would have liked for him to come with you to your parent’s house today, you had seen just how exhausted he was. So you told him to spend his day off resting while you and the kids were out of the house for the day. He had asked multiple times if you would be fine handling them, if you were sure about him staying home. He knows that being a stay at home mom can be draining at the very least and you appreciate him wanting to help out. But you had reassured him over and over that you would be fine and told him to just relax as much as he could.

You can admit to yourself that you have been feeling frazzled these days.. It’s no easy task for one person to take care of a rambunctious three-year-old along with a fussy one-year-old. But you do it every day with a smile, even if some days that smile is a bit forced or strained.

“I know, hun,” your mother says softly, walking up to you with a warm smile on her face. She looks down and coos quietly at the sleeping baby in your arms. A more easy smile graces your face and you follow your mother to the couch to sit down.

You talk with your parents for a few more hours. It’s all general conversation and talks about taking the kids out to fun places. You feel slightly more sane on days like this, days where there’s other adults to talk with. Even chatting about mundane things like the weather feels good compared to the constant drone of kids cartoons and baby cries.

You love your kids, of course you do. They’re both the perfect mix of you and Katsuki in looks and personalities. Starting a family had been something you and Katsuki had talked about for a long time after you started dating. When your first child had been born the joy and light in your husband’s eyes was unmatched to any other feeling.

Admittedly, your second child had been an accident.. The result of the night Katsuki had been named Number Two. A night which you hardly remember except that you both had too much champagne and you forgot to take your birth control. But your second child entered the world with a warm and loving welcome from you and Katsuki.

You look over at the clock on the wall and let out a quiet sigh, “Looks like we should head out. It’s getting close to dinner time and I think Kats said he was going to make curry.”

“Alright, sweetie. We’ll help you load up the munchkins,” your father says as he stands up, your tired and fussy three-year-old sleepily clinging to him.

You buckle your one-year-old into their carrier, then grab the diaper bag. Your mother walks out of the kitchen with a container of spiced cookies, one of Katsuki’s favorites, and flashes you a smile. You give her an appreciative smile, then you all file out of the door to your car.

It’s a challenge for your father trying to buckle up your worn-out and inconsolable three-year-old, but the task gets completed. Once your kids are buckled in and everything has been secured in place you turn the car on, then make your way back to your parents. You hug them both, thank them for a nice day, and tell them you’ll try to get Katsuki to come with next time. By the time you slide into the driver’s seat of your car, your once inconsolable three-year-old is passed out and your one-year-old peacefully stares out the window.

The drive home is filled with you quietly humming along with the radio and trying to ignore the sudden and heavy feeling developing in the pit of your stomach. Your mind can’t provide a reason behind the feeling, so you just brush it off. You move with the flow of traffic until you eventually slow to pull into your driveway.

The security gate is already open and the feeling that’s been sitting like a rock in your stomach churns. Pulling up to the house the sight of an unfamiliar car parked in front of your garage is unavoidable. Your body begins to tremble as a million scenarios race through your mind, the top one being that somebody has broken into your home. You put your car in park, leaving it running but turning off the radio. A quick glance in your rear view mirror tells you that both of your children are sleeping.

Panic surges through you as you try to think about what to do. You pull your phone out of your purse and dial Katsuki’s number. It rings for what feels like forever until you get Katsuki’s voicemail. You try calling him a couple more times, but you keep getting his voicemail. Trying to school your breathing so that you don’t wake your children, you call Izuku and luckily he picks up on the first ring.

“Hey, Y/N! What’s up?” Izuku asks with his usual cheerfulness.

“Hey, Izuku. I’m, uhm, I’m kind of freaking out right now,” you say quietly, your eyes darting between your house and the view of your children in the rear view mirror.

“What’s going on?” Izuku’s tone quickly becomes serious and concerned.

“I-I just got home with the kids and the gate was open and there’s a car here that I’ve never seen before.. Katsuki isn’t answering his phone and I don’t know if he’s okay a-and I don’t know what-” Your words rush out of you and despite your best efforts your breathing picks up and tears sting at your eyes.

“I’m on my way right now, just stay in your car, okay? Do you have the doors locked?” There’s the sound of a door closing in the background as Izuku talks to you and a bit of relief fills you.

“Y-yeah.. What if.. what if Katsuki’s hurt, Izuku? What if a villain found out where we live o-or this is a robbery and they have weapons? I-I don’t.. I-I c-can’t..” You bring a hand up to muffle the cry that’s crawled up your throat and your watery eyes look into the mirror again.

“I’m almost there, Y/N. It’s all going to be okay. I’ll find out what’s going on and everything will be just fine.” Izuku tries his best to reassure you, but your stomach still churns with a now sickening feeling and all you can respond with is a weak “okay.”

It doesn’t take long for Iuzku’s car to tear into the driveway, your friend parking haphazardly a few feet away from you. He quickly gets out of his car and flashes you his signature smile before rushing to your front door. You watch him disappear inside and your emotions build up until you feel like you’re going to explode.

Suddenly, the front door is thrown open and a shaken-looking woman rushes out. Her hair is messy, her clothes look like hastily thrown on, and she looks a bit scared. She closes the door behind her and starts to head toward the car parked in front of your garage. Her eyes flit around until they land on your car, and your shocked gaze meets hers. The woman’s eyes widen and she practically runs to her car, quickly getting inside then peeling out of your driveway.

Your shocked mind suddenly goes blank and a numb-feeling spreads through your entire being. With one last look back at your sleeping babies, you get out of your car. You close the door of the running vehicle as slowly and quietly as you can. Mom-guilt about leaving your children in the car eats at the back of your mind as you make your way to the front door.

As soon as you open it you hear shouting coming from down the hall where your bedroom is at. You feel nauseous now and stomach acid burns at the back of your throat as you step further into the house.

“Don’t fucking tell her, Izuku! Sh-she doesn’t need to know! Th-the other women were just stress relief, I still love Y/N!” You hear Katsuki shout at Izuku and it takes conscious effort not to puke your shattered heart out.

You’re sure you’re wearing the same look of horrified shock as Katsuki when you get to the doorway of you and your husband’s bedroom. His is riddled with guilt, though, as your tear-filled eyes meet his. Izuku is at your side in an instant, letting you lean against him as your knees threaten to give out. The silence filling the room is tense, heavy, and suffocating as you take in your husband’s appearance. He’s nearly naked except for a pair of boxers, his hair is messier than usual, and he looks sweaty.

Your swallow dryly and straighten up, “Izuku, can the kids stay with you and Ochako for the night?” Your voice comes out surprisingly even given the situation.

“Y-yeah.. Y/N-” Izuku stutters in his reply, but you cut him off before he can speak further.

“Everything they should need is in the diaper bag in the back of my car. Call if there’s any problems or you guys need anything. Thank you.” You say a bit firmly as you fight to keep your composure.

Katsuki just stands there silently gaping and looking at you with an almost unreadable mix of emotions. You can’t help the trembling of your lip or the tears that continue to spill from your eyes as you stare right back at him. A horrible pain shoots through your chest and it really feels like you can feel your heart breaking. Izuku squeezes your shoulder before silently leaving and you wait until you hear the front door close before letting your composure crumble.

Gut-wrenching sobs are ripped from your chest and your legs finally give up on keeping you standing. You wail into your hands as painful heartbreak and rage consume you.

Katsuki arms are suddenly wrapping around you, “Y/N, baby, I-I’m so sorry! I-”

“Don’t fucking touch me!” You scream as you shove him off of you and crawl backwards away from him. “Take a fucking shower, then meet me out in the living room. I’m not talking to you in the same room you fucked other people! Unless you fucked them on the couch too?! You know what, I’ll be in the damn kitchen! It’s probably safe since you’ve refused to even fuck me in there!”

You’re quick to get up and leave the bedroom, slamming the door behind you before Katsuki could even get another word in. You sob as you make your way to the kitchen, the sight of half-eaten take out boxes sitting on the counter pushing you further over the edge. You barely make it to the trash before the contents of your stomach make their reappearance.

After cleaning yourself up and rinsing your mouth out with some water, you sit at the table and wait in the deathly silence. Too many thoughts run through your mind as you try to figure out if this is reality or not. Your mind supplies you with the reminder of how you noticed Katsuki’s behavior change not long after he had hit Number Two. How he seemed to have more late nights at the office during your second pregnancy, and even after the birth of your baby. How his days off were either spent here at the house by himself or the two of you doing your own things around the house.

The worst thought your mind supplied you is how rarely you were intimate with Katsuki anymore. You had just brushed it off as his sex-drive lowering because of the busy life you both lived. You never would have thought that he was getting his pleasure from other women while you were blissfully unaware and having to pleasure yourself..

You flinch at the sound of the bedroom door closing and your chest aches with every footstep approaching. The sound of the chair across from you being pulled away from the table makes you cringe as the feet of it scrape along the floor. You can feel Katsuki’s gaze on you, see his arms resting against the table top from your peripheral vision. You stare down at the spot on the table in front of you for another moment until you gather the courage to look him in the eyes.

“How long?” You ask quietly, your voice shaking.

Katsuki bites his bottom lip and his eyes shift down to his hands, “Please, Y/N.. I-I fucked up, I was a damn idiot, but please we can work-”

“How long, Katsuki? How long have you been screwing other women while I take care of our children? While I clean our house! While I do your laundry! How long have you been fucking other women in our bed while I’ve been playing loyal wife?!” You ask with such a bitterness and rage that Katsuki flinches.

“..it started a couple months after we found you were pregnant again.. " Katsuki admits quietly, his fists clenched and guilt written all over his face.

You choke on a muffled sob and your mind surges back to to the first message you had gotten from him telling you that he was staying late at work. Every single other message flashes through your mind until you’re reminded that he eventually just stopped sending them and left you to assume.

“..Wh-why? Di-did I do something? Wh-when did I become not enough for you?” You ask brokenly as you wonder how your heart is still beating even though it feels like it should be failing.

“Baby.. Y/N, y-you didn’t do anything.. not on purpose. Y-Your body was so sensitive when you were pregnant, it seemed like every little touch caused you pain.. A-and your mood swings were so constantly changing and I didn’t want to take my frustration out on you because you were carrying my fuckin’ child, so I just bottled it up..” Katsuki tries to explain, but his excuses are poor at best and rage burns in your veins.

“So instead of talking to me about it, instead of having a conversation with your wife, you chose to cheat?” You ask incredulous and hurt.

Katsuki clenches his jaw, his tell-tell signs of anger appearing on his features, “It felt like my wife didn’t want me around, let alone touch me! So, yes, I took advantage of the fact that women willingly throw themselves at me and I got my rocks off that way!”

You flinch as if his words are physical blows and another sob tears from your chest, “You tore apart our lives just to get your dick wet? I am so sorry that my difficult pregnancy pushed you to such an option. I am so sorry that I was so sore that even wearing clothes hurt. I am so sorry that I was so full of hormones that the mood swings that made me feel like shit, made you feel so unwanted. I am so sorry, Katsuki, that carrying, birthing, then caring for both of your children forced you to go put your dick in other pussies!”

Katsuki lets out a frustrated growl, his own anger firing up, “Christ, Y/N, I’m sorry! I’ll be sorry for the rest of my fucking life! I’m sorry that I wasn’t better, but I can be better! I won’t touch another woman again, I promise you! We can work through this, I still love you, damn it!”

A dry, humorless laugh bubbles out of your mouth and you can’t breathe for a moment. Katsuki pants across from you, caught up in his emotion, and stares at you bewildered.

“You’ve made promises, Katsuki,” you spit once you’ve caught your breath. “You stood across from me at that damn alter five years ago, said the same vows that I did. We made the same promises for each other, but the difference now is that I upheld mine! We can’t work through this, I don’t trust you anymore! You’ve single-handedly burned us to the ground-”

“Don’t, baby, please! Don’t say what I think you’re gonna say,” Katsuki begs as he half stands from his chair to try to reach across the table for you.

You push away from the table, standing fully from your chair and looking at Katsuki with anger and hurt, “We’re done, Katsuki, I want a divorce. In the mean time, the kids and I will be staying at my parent’s house. Don’t bother wasting your efforts trying to fix the shit you’ve broken. We are done.”

You leave Katsuki half hunched over the table stunned with tears in his eyes. You rush to the bedroom and hastily throw articles of clothing into a suit case. You grab a couple pairs of shoes, then quickly leave the bedroom nearly running into your husb- Katsuki. You shove past him as he starts spilling apologies and pleas for you to stay. Every weak grasp on your arm or wrist is met with you wrenching yourself away from him.

Ripping open the front door you rush to your car, throwing your little bit of belongings into the back seat. You climb into the driver’s seat and turn the car on, taking the picture of you and Katsuki off of your sun visor and throwing out of the window. As you back your car up to turn it around, you catch sight of Katsuki one more time. He’s standing on the front porch with guilt, shame, and sadness on his face. Tears cascade down from the eyes that you used to find so beautiful and you have to will yourself not to put the car in park and go running back into his arms.

Your tires screech as you pull out of the driveway, but it doesn’t cover up the sound of you screaming your heart break at your windshield. Tears pour down your face and hinder your vision as you try to maneuver through traffic. You’re desperate to see your babies, to hug them and tell them that you love them and that you’re sorry for what their future is going to become. You’re also desperate for someone’s comfort, whether it be your parents or Izuku and Ochako. You need a shoulder to cry on, a pillow to scream into, and maybe a stiff drink or two.

As you scream, sob, beat your steering wheel, and drive a bit haphazardly, too many thoughts flood your mind. Why would he do this to you? How could he do this to you? Why weren’t you enough? What more could you have done? Is this all actually happening? Is this really your reality?

“This is my reality..” You say aloud hoarsely as you sit in your car looking at Izuku and Ochako’s front door. Your body is simultaneously numb and aching all over. Your mind has finally gone blank, but it’s in the worst way possible. Tears still roll down your face and you sniffle every now and then as you continue dazedly staring.

How is it that your entire world can shatter within the span of a day?

Sorry if it wasn't angsty enough! But I hope that you stick around for future angst! I really cannot thank you enough for the ask/request, it means a lot to me that you'd want to reach out to me at all! My hope is to start interacting with my readers more, so I hope that others see this and want to follow your lead!

Hope you enjoyed the read and keep being amazing, Lovely! <3

[lingeringdesires505]

maybe its for the best

rin itoshi x reader

angst

rin can’t stop blaming himself, he knows hes at fault, that hes the reason the two of you had broken up. rin’s life mainly revolved around soccer, until he met you. all his life, his only goal was to beat his brother, itoshi sae, and show him how he too could be good at soccer. little did he know, he would be so caught up in his obsession with competing against his brother would ruin a relationship he had cherished so much.

28 April, 10.58 p.m.

The night you two broke up, it was after one of his late night trainings. despite being tired and burnt out, he still stayed back after training, pushing himself to his limit, in hopes that his skill would be up to par with his brother’s.

you laid in your shared bed with him, wondering when he would come home. his soccer training should have ended at 9 p.m., yet he was still not home. seeing the clock almost striking 11, you became more and more worried about your lover. you had sent him multiple texts, but none were read.

“he must be staying back after training again,” you thought to yourself. despite the constant reminders not to overexert himself, and that he should rest more, rin never listened to you. he would either brush you off, saying it was no big deal and that he wasnt tired, or just ignore you. you understood that he was feeling lots of stress especially with the upcoming soccer match, but you just couldnt stand there and see him destroy himself like this. it certainly wasnt healthy and beneficial for his physical or mental health.

as you reached the stadium, you saw a familiar figure doing his routines.

“rin! ive been worried about you. its already 11 p.m., you should come home and rest!” you called out to him as you ran towards him.

“ just a few more minutes…im almost done. after im done, we can go home, okay? “ he said without looking back to you.

as much as you wanted to let him finish, you could already tell he was extremely tired. the sweat running down his forehead and muscles, the heavy panting that you knew all to well — he was already pushing his limits, if you were to let him continue, he might over exhaust himself, doing more harm than good to his body.

“ rinnie, please, youre at your limit already, please just stop! youre going to hurt yourself at this rate! “ you begged him to stop, but he wouldnt listen. tears started to well up in your eyes as you grew more and more anxious, why wouldnt he just stop hurting himself like this and listen to you?

it wasnt long before rin snapped.

“do you really think im that weak?! besides, what i do to my own body is none of your business! youre just another obstacle in the way of my success, just leave me alone you lukewarm piece of shit, god damn it!” he shouted, his eyes filled with anger as he finally looked over to you.

that was when he realised he fucked up.

his heart ached as he saw hot tears streaming down your red cheeks. no, wait, he didnt mean it!

“please baby, wait, i didnt mean it. im so sorry i said that, please..” he immediately stopped what he was doing to run towards you, forcefully hugging you, frantically apologising.

you didnt say anything. you couldnt say anything. you were in disbelief — the man that you had loved with all your heart, the man that you cared for so deeply, wanted you to leave him alone? was this truly the way he felt about you? just an obstacle? a lukewarm piece of shit?

“baby please, i didnt mean any of that… its all my fault, i know you want the best for me. forgive me please… please, say something!” this time, rin was the one of the verge of tears.

“so that’s how you feel about me?… you want me to leave you alone?…” you managed to stutter out, trying hard not to start bawling on the spot. how could he say something so hurtful?

“fine. if that’s how you want it, dont contact me ever again rin, it’s over between us.”

you ran back to your car before rin could react and slammed the door shut, driving off to your shared apartment to pack your things and move out. you weren’t just angry, you were upset.

you couldnt believe this was how your relationship with rin was going to end. you always thought of rin as someone you would continue to love and care for, someone you would grow old with.

that night, rin laid on the grass in the stadium, looking up at the night sky, head filled with regrets, heart aching.

present

was it really worth it? rin always asked himself. sure, he managed to show to his brother that his soccer skills were excellent, but that didnt make him happy. in fact, after the two of you had broken up, nothing made him happy. how could he be happy without you? he was struggling to even live a day without you.

rin would spend countless sleepless nights scrolling through his photo gallery, looking at photos you had forced him to take with you. the poor man couldnt even sleep without your scent. he would often try and find old articles of clothing you had left behind around the house — it was the only way he could sleep, with your scent.

he would spend many hours training, even if there wasnt any upcoming matches. he was desperate to find any sort of distraction to distract himself from thinking about you.

some nights after training, he prayed that you would still be there outside the stadium, waiting to drive him home. he prayed that he could see you again, hear your sweet voice and hearty laugh again. he was so desperate to hear your voice again, he didnt care if he had to hear your nagging or your complaints, he just needed to hear you again, to see that pretty face of yours.

rin always thought about how foolish he was. before he met you, he felt that unfortunate things always happened to him. he always thought about how terrible and unlucky his life was. that was until he met you. you were like a blessing from heaven, an angel that came and brightened up his dull, lukewarm life. he wished he had known how to appreciate you earlier. if only he had opened his eyes and see how much you had loved and cared for him.

it feels like torture scrolling through your instagram page, seeing you move in with your new boyfriend, seeing you have dinner dates with him. he knows your new boyfriend treats you way better than he ever did, and he feels happy that your being taken good care of, but deep down, his heart was being ripped into shreds. it felt so wrong, but he couldnt stand the thought of you laughing, or smiling for another man. you were already moving on with life, getting ready to marry your boyfriend, and there was nothing he could do about it.

rin accepted that he could never be at peace with himself, especially since he had fucked up the only good thing in his life. it was too late for regrets, the only thing he could do now was make sure that you were safe and happy from afar.

———————————————————————————

thank you for reading!

word count: 1.2k

feel free to request!

please dont steal

@lingeringdesires505 2024

[sunnycanvas]

Tantalizing Love

Baldwin iv x fem!reader

I was wandering lonely in the sky,

Had no connection, no matter what, with those who fly

It was the middle of night in Jerusalem. A new year's eve to be exact. You drank beer from the can as you watched fireworks in the sky from the bridge

You sighed exhausted. You walked alone on the bridge heading towards your hotel. This place hasn't had peace for generations you thought. From history till today this place place hasn't known peace. Just when this country is in peace for few generations. It faces war again

Since the day I learnt to flap my wings,

I've been listening to a melody that the cold wind sings.

You never understood your attachment to this place. You remember talking to your friends and family where there was a discussion on which place to visit

"Jerusalem" you replied

Confused they would look at you

"For historical reasons of course" you reasoned

"Since, when did you start loving history so much" one of your friends asked

Not knowing the answer yourself you stood there quietly in the middle of busy street tightening your hold on your bag

Your other friend noticing your discomfort said

"People change, so do their interest" your friend said trying to defend you

"Kingdom of heaven" you replied

Now this got attention of both of your friends who looked at you confused. "I remember watching Kingdom of heaven in television long time ago. Ever since I have been fascinated by this place" your friends nodded understandingly. "I knew you weren't type of academic" your friend who originally questioned you replied smugly. You scoffed hearing his response and your other friend laughed.

Same response came from your family

"You want to go to Jerusalem after your graduation?" They questioned

"Yes" you replied confidently

"But why?" asked one of your family member.

"Because I want to" you replied confidently determined. They seemed confused but thankfully they didn't inquire further. However none of your friends or family wanted to visit Jerusalem. "It's okay" you thought, you could live here alone.

As you walked streets of Jerusalem you watched the sky filled with fireworks

"People seem happy despite their difficult life" you thought. You wondered how Baldwin iv would have felt if he saw his country today. You remember after watching the movie you ended up reading story of Baldwin iv and realised that historically there was much more story and different one shown in movie. You always thought that once you enter Jerusalem your obsession with this place would end.

I pushed too hard to rise up high,

A bullet hit me, I broke down, Oh sigh! ! !

Alas, it worsened. You started having dreams of man every day who seemed blind. He also had missing nose and obvious disfigurement in face. These dreams became more frequent. The more you visited historical sites in the country of Israel . Each time you would see more vivid images and more scenarios. Are these memories you thought?

Tomorrow you went and visited the church of holy sepulchre. There you stood watching the place. Suddenly you had a strong headache and more scenarios came

The thirst of my throat, the tinge of my tongue,

Relieved by the rain, reminds me the song that was sung

"Baudouin" you said with tears running from your eyes. "I don't want to leave you. I don't fear your condition please let me stay not as a lover but atleast as a subject who takes care of her king". You cried as you nearly fell on the floor but Baldwin iv caught you.

"Hush now, you need to leave" people have started to notice our affair and they are not pleased since I am the king and you are maid. Also I have taken vow of chastity. You know right leprosy is thought to be transmitted through sexual intercourse as well as disfavour from God". "It's dangerous for not only for me but you as well to be in relationship with me. If people came to know that you were in relationship with Leper then you be marginalized as well. You wouldn't be able to get married as you always wanted" he reasoned

"I don't care, I don't want anyone else but you". You sobbed. Baldwin iv looked upset and he hugged you. "For once I wanted to be selfish" he said. "I thought we were careful" you cried in his chest. "It seems we weren't careful enough" Baldwin iv sighed. "We need to seperate and it's for the best for both of us" Baldwin iv said in pain. "Please don't make it anymore difficult for me"

Then landscape got disturbed, with my hue & cry,

I decided to break down, but then you passed by

You left the palace as soon as rumours spread. Your name was not ever recorded in history as people believed that the Leper king having a lover was just a rumour.Just like that you disappeared in history. You soon lost touch with your king and died of broken heart. King Baldwin iv never knew, the only people who knew about your affair kept your affair secret told the king that you had found someone else and married that you live a well settled life. Baldwin iv was happy with slight jealousy. He knew this was for the best and you deserve a better life and not be dragged down with leper. Baldwin iv never knew and people who knew about truth carried it with them to grave

Even though Baldwin iv is no longer remembered as king disfavoured by God. He remains hugely unknown in the west. Just like you he hugely remains unknown today but unlike you he is still remembered by some people. You staggered when you recalled your memories and began to cry. You wished things could have ended differently

Looking at you & feeling your glow,

Just as in movies, and the motion was slow

"Ma, Cherie" you heard. You turned around and saw a man who had very bright eyes, an aquiline nose and blond hair. He had ruddy face and moderate height.

Wondering why you picked me up, and in this life can I ever deny?

How your words housed my mind, straight through my heart, Bullseye! ! !

Baudouin, you thought. Realising you recognised him. He smiled and said. "I missed you Ma Cherie, it's been 900 years"

Have no enough expressions, my words are in dearth,

With you by my side dear, I'm the happiest man on Earth.

-Reincarnation Love Poem by Sawan Dhyani

[moonslesbology]

The Lucky One I

prologue - next chapter

YEARS HAD PASSED AND NOTHING ABOUT FINNICK ODAIR REALLY CHANGED, ALWAYS REMAINING THE KID WITH CUTS ON HIS HANDS AND HIS HEART ON HIS SLEEVE. Though, he was always annoyed at Eleanor for taking longer shifts than necessary at St Magdalene Rossetti  and exhausting herself to an unneeded extent. That was his only complain, though Eleanor didn't care though. She preferred the serenity of a doctor's office over the dead silence of a house. Yes, she was only seventeen, but doctors in District 4 were a rarity, not to mention the teenager had been learning all you can about anatomy since she was eight.

She had decided that her potential future as a doctor was much more plausible than becoming a career, fully leaving the academy after Finnick's games just two years prior. Though both Annie and Finnick were annoyed at Eleanor, they both understood why she made her choice.

So, instead she traded her knives and spears for needles and a pair of surgical gloves, content with a life of service to her community. Every year she watched as innocent children were saved in reapings, and while she couldn't save them from the games, she could save them from the grief and guilt.

Eleanor Eves, District 4's local sweetheart, was nothing short than a gentle being with a softness for children, flowers, and her best friends, Finnick Odair and Annie Cresta. If she wasn't working in St Magdalene Rossetti, she was always seen with them, mostly her and Annie tackling Finnick whenever they had a chance.

There wasn't a single bone in her body that allowed Eleanor the ability to take a life.

Breathing in heavily, Eleanor rubbed her eyes as she opened the door for Mr Ives, an older man with greying hair but warm eyes. Everyone knew of his unlucky streak down at the docks, always managing to cut his hands with the knives he weaved through the scales of fish caught at sea. 

Mr Ives, a man who seemed to have a streak for always cutting his hand whenever he cut the fish, seemed overtly fond of the brunette for her sweetness. Men from The Quay had brought him in just fifteen minutes before and he had adamantly insisted only Eleanor stitch up his cut. He had known her since she began working properly and trusted her to work on his wounds after she had expertly patched him up after a nasty cut on his hand, something her mother's unsteady hands struggled to do. At the time, the thirteen year old was figuring out the busy environment of a doctor's office, and watched as her mother struggled to steady her hand over Mr Ives' bleeding wound. Eleanor had logically gone and took the instruments off her mother, patching him up quickly and without many words. Ever since then, it was always Eleanor who helped him.

"You know Sweetheart, you have a real talent," Mr Ives had remarked, wincing as Eleanor injected the Morphling into his arm. She unwrapped the cloth that had been tied over the cut, immediately wiping away any of the excess blood. She grabbed onto the thread, tying it to the needle, before exhaling as she began sewing up the cut.

Eleanor gave him a small smile. "Believe me I wouldn't be this good if you didn't get injured this much, Mr Ives." She laughed apologising as she saw him wince slightly from the sight of the needle. "How's Martha and the baby?"

He gave a laugh. "The little lady's getting proper done with the kid, I'll tell you that." Mr Ives was a sweet man, Eleanor always thought so. He had always given her family extra fish whenever he could spare some. He was eternally grateful for her mother helping his wife get through a nasty case of the flu two winters prior and by association, was in debt to Eleanor. "She keeps demanding I wash in the garden since she pukes whenever I'm near her after my shifts."

Eleanor shook her head. "She is seven months along now and fish does smell bad when it's on you." Eleanor ignored the playful glare Mr Ives gave her. She decided on changing the topic. "Do you guys have any name ideas?"

"None Sweetheart." He shook his head with a laugh. "Wanted to call her Eleri and Martha nearly throttled me. She said that name made her feel sick as a fish." She laughed as he rolled his eyes, mimicking Martha's thick District 4 accent with a shake of his head. Martha Ives had come from The Cove, a region seemingly alienated from the rest of District 4. Their accents stood out like sore thumbs and Martha's was thick and rich, something Mr Ives adored. 

Eleanor grinned, finally finishing off the stitches. She finally cut away at the thread, patting down on the stitches before pulling out a bandage. She wrapped it carefully around the hand, finally nodding up at him as she finished.  "There, you better go home now." She told the man with an authoritative tone. There was a hint of playfulness in her voice as she instructed him.  "No fishing for at least a week. Keep the stitches dry and come back in about a week. Mary'll remove them then." She pulled Mr Ives into a hug, laughing as he pressed a kiss to her cheek.

"Sweetheart you are an absolute gem!" He laughed. He reached into his pocket, trying to pull out any spare change he had, only for Eleanor to shake her head at him. "Oh come off it, it's the least I can do."

She shook her head adamantly. "Policy is policy, Mr Ives. We don't care about money here, we aren't struggling for it at all. Now go, I don't want to see you until Martha has the baby."

He kissed her on the cheek once more, getting up and leaving the room. Eleanor sighed heavily, grabbing the cup of water which sat on the desk and taking a sip. She yawned, rubbing her eyes slightly. Then, she finally heard his voice and sobered up, blinking quickly to wash away any feelings of exhaustion.

Finnick Odair despised the days where Eleanor worked longer than necessary. Sometimes, his hatred took the literal form of him storming into St Magdalene Rossetti, just like today.  As much as he tried convincing her otherwise, often using the excuse that he misses her way too much, Eleanor always found herself spending most her days cooped up with foolish men who injured themselves down on the docks. It wasn't a bad job per say, just tedious with how frequently the same men came back constantly. 

As Finnick walked in, Eleanor exhaled heavily.

There were several ways in which Finnick Odair could be here:

A. He's injured.

B. He helped someone get here injured.

or

C. He simply wanted to annoy her.

Most the time, well at least nowadays, C was always the most logical and most likely explanation. "I swear to god, Finnick, you better not be injured again!" Eleanor raged as she walked around the room, pulling out bandaids and gauzes. She could already hear his choked laughs, rolling her eyes as she finally got off the ground. Finnick was stood in the centre of the room, holding a bouquet of tulips, scratching his head with a bashful smile. Her eyes softened, a blush already brewing on her cheeks. "Flowers?"

"Tulips," He grinned as she finally stood next to him, Finnick moving to smell the tulips and sighing breathlessly. He watched with fond eyes as she grinned at the bouquet, clearly not expecting the gesture. "My favourite which should be your favourite."

Eleanor grinned, a small blush already coating her cheeks. She couldn't help the way her heart fluttered as she took the tulips, holding them up to her nose and smelling them with a sigh. She wondered if flowers meant anything to Finnick, and if so, did they mean anything because he was giving them to her?

"Flirt with me when I'm not working, Odair." She rolled her eyes as he audibly groaned, quickly moving to grab a vase from the window. She gave the flowers one last smell, placing them in the empty vase and turning to see Finnick simply grinning at her. She gave an exhausted smile, hoping her cheeks weren't obviously red. She hoped she could just pass them off as a small sunburn if they were. "Seriously, why are you here?"

"Can't a guy miss his best girl?" He gave a lopsided grin, bouncing from one foot to the other.

Eleanor rolled her eyes. "Bother Annie, I'm sure she's not busy." She sighed, placing the bandaids down on the desk. She could feel Finnick's eyes on her, those stupid sea green eyes fixed on her figure as she finally took off her scrubs. "Don't tell me, you can't find her."

He nodded. "She's a good hider." Finnick scratched the back of his head with a bashful grin, watching Eleanor with a warm gaze.

"We always did beat you at hide and seek."

Finnick's eyebrows furrowed at Eleanor. "You mean, Annie, always beat me. You just followed her." He gave a laugh as Eleanor pushed him a way, scoffing in offence. Finally though, he held his hand out to her, looking at the clock momentarily before deciding for the both of them what they'd do next. "Come on, you're taking a break. Tell Ida and Margaret you're clocking out. You need a break."

Eleanor shook her head. "No, I've only got," she paused, looking at the clock before counting in her head. "four more hours." But it seemed as though Finnick wasn't having it, grabbing onto Eleanor and dragging her out, much to her protests. It seemed as though both Ida and Margaret were elated seeing the pair, waving Eleanor off with grins. "Finnick!"

Finnick grinned back at her, practically skipping alongside her. "You've been working all day! Have some fun!"

[kitashousewife]

hi everyone! i thought i would give a little update cause it’s been a while!

tw: work, anxiety, weight (gain/loss), sadness

just wanted to say HELLO! to everyone. i know it’s been a while since ive been super active and i thought i would share a bit about the past few months.

my husband and i moved this fall to a place far away from friends, family, and anyone we knew. a very fresh start. completely different climate, completely different scenery, and total change of vibe from the other places we’ve lived. it has been amazing so far and we’ve been loving it.

i kind of/sort of work in medical! it’s been different but very fun. i have great co workers and the doctor i’m a personal assistant is very nice to me and kind.

i’ve been working with a personal trainer now for about 2 months and she’s been really fantastic. i’ve lost a small (very small) amount of weight but i’m very happy for that. it’s been fun to go to the gym often and fuel my body in the way it needs and craves.

a few months ago, i started volunteering as a leader for teenage girls in my church. i meet with them once a week and it’s really been a cool thing to give them someone to talk to and support them.

honestly i don’t think i’ve ever been this busy. i work, come home, spend time with my husband, go to the gym, and sleep. it’s just an endless cycle.

i’ve been feeling very sad lately and i haven’t been able to shake it. i’ve been wearing myself out. i feel exhausted. i’m tired. i want to sleep all the time. i haven’t been feeling myself. but! this week i have a ton of time to myself to relax and write and daydream. i’m excited to reset and love my life again. i just wanted to say hi to everyone and let you guys know if you ever want to talk, let me know❤️

[phoenixstark1708]

the daughter of an archangel pt.3

I flew until I physically couldn’t anymore, landing somewhere near LA. I knew I was in california, but I needed to be in malibou point. I was exhausted, but I forced myself to continue. It was around an hour before I saw the building bucky was talking about; it had large windows, and was positioned on the side of a cliff. I decended quickly, crashing on a balcony. I heard a robotic male voice say “mr.stark, there is an unknown human female on the balcony; proceed with caution.” I tensed up, ready to be punished. A man walked out of the house with a gun pointed directly at me “who are you?!” he demanded “whats your name!? Answer me!” I was still laying crumpled on the deck “i- my name is ph-phe-” I passed out before I could finish.

I woke up chained to a hospital bed that was oddly comfortable, I was used to a stone floor though, so my standards werent high. A nurse saw I was awake, and walked out of the room. The man walked back in with a police officer “who are you kid?” the man questioned “my name is phoenix.” I responded “who are your parents?” the officer asked “i- I don’t ha-” the man cut me off “i am. Im her father, you cant kick her out if she has a guardian.” the officer looked at the man quizically “okay mr.stark. I think my work is done then. If you know who she is… jane doe is phoenix stark.. Got it!” the cop walked away. “why did you say that? Youre not my father, I don’t have a father.” the man sat down next to me “How old are you, kid?” he ignored my question. “what is the year?” “its 2010.” “then I am 14.” I said, surprised at how old I was. A doctor walked in, and spoke to the man “she is severely malnourished, she is very underweight, and has several untreated infections. It seems her bones have been broken and set many times, and her body is covered in scars, its honestly a shock that she is still alive.” I was vaguely listening to him. “should we get her food?” “not yet, I don’t know how her body would react. It seems she has been without food for days, if not weeks. I'll start an IV with what she needs, and we’ll go from there.” with that, the doctor left the room, leaving me with the man “im tony. Tony stark. What happened to you?” he asked “i escaped. I couldn’t take the punishments, sir.” I avoided eye contact, something I was trained to do. “you don’t have to call me sir, you can call me tony.” “okay… tony” “and you can make eye contact, kid.” I looked in his eyes, and recognised the same emotion that bucky had in his eyes the night we met, but it was different. “who did you escape from?” he asked gently “h-hydra” I winced just saying the name. Tony's eyes nearly jumped out of his skull “HYDRA?!” I shied back, hearing the anger in his voice “so theyre taking kids now!” I was confused “they didn’t take me, they created me. Im nothing but a freak grown in a test tube.” I began to tear up, recalling all the times I was told that. “hey, youre not a freak. Having wings if fricking awesome, kid.” I laughed, enjoying the light-hearted nature of the conversation. The doctor walked in with an IV bag, and inserted the needle into my skin. I didn’t even flinch, hell I barely even felt it.

I was admitted to the hospital and stayed there for around 5 days. Tony was very busy and only visited once a day, and sometimes he didn’t. I didn’t mind, I was enjoying the rest, and the food. The food was the best I'd ever tasted. At first, I was put on a liquid diet which consisted of broth, juice, and ice. I didn’t care, it was incredible. After the first 2 days, I was given the option of solid food, so I tried all the things that I'd never even dreamed of trying. I had a grilled cheese sandwich, and potato chips! It was incredible! I had never felt so lucky. I spoke to tony about the HYDRA base, but when they got there, it was empty. The only thing they found was a small note carved into the wall, it read “live your life, dove.” I felt incredibly terrible, but I knew I wouldn’t be able to find him. I had no doubt they put him back on the ice. When I was discharged from the hospital, tony took me to the house that I crash-landed on. I was greeted by a beautiful and kind red-headed woman named pepper, and a grumpy man called happy. I giggled at the irony.

I was shown to a room that was much larger than my cell. It had a big, soft thing in the middle that I learned was called a ‘bed’. I was given a change of clothes, that were just my size. So I stripped out of the hospital gown to change “woah! Hey, kid you can close the door” tony averted his eyes and closed it. It felt very strange to have privacy. I laid down on the bed and relaxed. Im pretty sure I slept for a week. I was woken up by pepper coming into my room “hey, good morning honey! I brought you some food.” I ate quietly, and she sat on the bed “how are you doing?” I was definitely not used to people caring about me. “good” I mumbled, instantly flinching, expecting to be hit. No blow came. “youre safe sweetheart. No one is going to hurt you here.” I looked up at her, greeted with sympathy-filled eyes. “i have someone I want you to talk to. Its someone with a school, we should know where youre at. Are you okay to meet with him?” I nodded, completely oblivious as to what in the world ‘school’ was.

[middleearthpixie]

Seven Days ~ Chapter Eighteen

Seven Days -  Modern Tolkien AU

Firefighter Frerin Durin died in a fire set deliberately. But after he helps his brother, Thorin find happiness, Frerin is offered a second chance. He has to prove himself worthy by righting the one major wrong in his life. Otherwise, history will repeat and he will die for good this time. The catch? He has seven days in which to do this and isn’t even certain what his major wrong is.

At least, he doesn’t know for long. 

Syd Prescott has known Frerin since high school. She spent one night with him and then he vanished from her life. Now, he claims he wants to make it up to her, to right was he realizes was his major wrong. But can she trust him? And can he prove to her that she can before it’s too late? 

A/N - This story is the sequel to Miss Fortune, but is a stand alone story. 

Summary: The fire’s aftermath has Syd pacing the hospital hallway, wondering if Frerin will regain consciousness…

Pairing: Modern!Frerin x OFC Syd Prescott

Characters: Frerin, Syd, Thorin, Alex, Nico

Warnings: None

Rating: T

Word Count: 3,611

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If you’d like to be added (or removed) to the tag list, please just let me know!

Previous chapters can be found here.

December 9th & 10th

Friday Night/Saturday Morning

Syd tried not to panic as she lay on a narrow stretcher, slowly breathing the sweetest, most beautiful air ever. She tried to remain calm as she waited for Frerin to be brought out. All she knew what that one of the biggest men she’d ever seen emerged from the smoke like an avenging angel to scoop her up. The strange woman Frerin had been yelling at simply vanished and that was all Syd remembered until she opened her eyes on the gurney. 

Then she heard the clatter of wheels on pavement and sat up to see EMTs wheeling Frerin her way. She jumped up, ignoring the shout of the paramedic, the sting in her arm from moving the IV catheter, nearly hanging herself in the tubing carrying the very oxygen that cleared the smoke from her lungs. She clawed at the mask over her mouth and nose, shoving it up and off her head.

“Take this out now,” she said to the medic, pointing at the IV.

“Miss… we need to run in that until it’s finished.”

“Take it out now,” Syd growled, “or I’ll do it myself.”

“Miss Pres—”

“I mean it. Now.”

The medic removed the IV and gave her a cotton ball to hold against the site and she ignored everything but the need to see Frerin. 

He was pale and still, His sweat-dampened hair poking up in all directions, his face smudged with soot, an oxygen mask over his nose and mouth. Her throat seized, her eyes stung. “You big jerk,” she managed to choke, slipping her hand beneath his, “why didn't you keep that fucking mask on? Why?”

She squeezed his hand, hoping he’d squeeze back. 

But his hand remained limp in hers. 

Pressing her lips together in a foolish attempt to keep them from quivering, her eyes flooding with tears she didn't bother to hold back, she crouched beside him. “Open your eyes, Frerin. Please? You have to be okay because… because you just have to, okay? I know you were telling me the truth. And I’m so sorry I blew up the way I did. I should’ve known better. I know there is more beyond this world. I know it. It’s my family’s business. If anyone should believe you, it’s me. And I am such a fucking idiot for not believing you.”

She reached down to smooth his spiky dark hair away from his soot-streaked forehead. “And you did not sacrifice yourself for me, do you hear me, Frerin Durin? You’d better get your ass back to this plane, back to this side of that fucking veil because I love you and I want to introduce you to everyone as the boyfriend and I don't care how seventh-grade it sounds.”

The winds picked up and snow fell yet again and she started when the burly firefighter who’d pulled them both out draped Frerin’s turnout coat about her shoulders. “I’ll give you a ride to the hospital, Syd.”

She looked up. “How—how do you know my name?”

“He spent all week talking about you.” He smiled, his dark eyes warm. “I’m Nico and I doubt he’s mentioned me, but he couldn’t shut up about you.”

She pressed her lips together once more and smiled down at Frerin. She swallowed hard, waiting until she trusted herself to speak, before she managed to whisper, “You better not have told them everything.”

“Nah. You don’t have to worry. He left all the good stuff out. That’s how I know it’s serious, when Frer keeps the details to himself.” Nico caught her by the elbow. “Come on.”

“No. I mean, thank you for the offer, but I—I have my sister’s car. It’s at the far end of the lot. I’ll just follow him.”

“You sure?”

She nodded. “Yeah. I’m—uh—I’m going to call my sister. She’ll meet me at the hospital.” She looked up at him and managed a smile. “Thank you.”

“No problem. I wasn’t leaving either of you behind.” He smiled. “I’m going to ride with him to the ER then.”

“Keep an eye on him for me? And stay with him until I get there?”

“Of course. They’ll have to forcibly pull me away from him.”

Syd bobbed her head and dug Alex’s keys from her pocket. Thank God they were there and not in her purse, because her purse was now a melted blob of leather and plastic and cell phone.

Wait.. how was she going to let Alex know what happened unless there was a pay phone in the hospital lobby, and she couldn’t remember if there was or not. 

She turned to ask Nico, but he was already climbing into the ambulance after Frerin had been loaded in, and the paramedic slammed the doors before she could say anything.

“Fuck,” she muttered, thinking about all the information stored on the phone alone. Thank God she’d backed it up only last week. She wouldn’t lose too much. Small favors and all.

Her hands shook so badly, it took her three tries to get the key in the ignition and all of her will to keep the Jeep straight on the road as the ambulances all pulled out, sirens screaming, and took off toward Cranford Falls Medical Center.

Syd hated hospitals. Ever since the night of the accident on the Parkway, when she and her sisters met up with Gram at the ER in Toms River to receive the worst news of her life that her mom and dad had been killed in a car accident on the Garden State Parkway.

Now, she paced the sterile corridor, coughing every now and again but otherwise all right. She had no idea what was going on with Frerin and seeing as how she was only possibly his girlfriend, no one was giving her any information. She had no idea how many laps she’d taken when Thorin and Alex appeared around the corner, hurrying toward her.

She stared. “H-how did you know?”

Thorin’s expression was the most serious she’d ever seen. “Nico Zarelli called me.”

Thank you, Nico.

“Syd?” Alex broke through her reverie. “Are you all right?”

“I’m fine. I’m just… Frerin’s still being treated and no one will tell me anything.” Syd all but fell into Alex’s arms, her eyes stinging and her throat tight. “He gave me his mask, Lex. That jackass made me take his mask.”

“What?” Thorin asked, shaking his head. “He knows better.”

“I couldn’t breathe and I couldn't fool him. I tried to give it back, but he wouldn’t take it.”

“Yeah, I’m not surprised,” Thorin said, leaning against the wall with a low sigh. “Was he at least conscious when they brought him out?”

She shook her head slowly. “No. He was unresponsive.”

“Oh, Syd…” Alex tightened her arms about her.

“I know… he wasn’t lying to me, Lex. He wasn’t.”

Thorin raked a hand through his hair. “He wanted to tell you, Syd. He was scared to.”

“I know. And I gave him every reason to be scared. I did just what he thought I would.”

“He understood, though. Because of what happened last summer.” 

“Wait,” Alex pulled back, “what happened last summer? I thought you just went out with him the one time?”

“I slept with him, Lex. And he never called the next day. Never called, never dropped by the shop. He just vanished on me.”

“You slept with him last summer and I’m only now finding out about it?”

“I thought you knew!”

“How would I know?”

“Teddy!”

“You told her and not me?”

“I thought you already knew!”

“How would I know?”

“Oh, for Christ’s sake,” Thorin broke in sharply, rolling his eyes, “can you not right here?”

Both Alex and Syd stared at him and Alex said, “You sound like Charlie, Thorin. What’s that about?”

“You’re all rubbing off on me.” Thorin rubbed his forehead. “Look, argue about gossiping over my kid brother’s sex life another time, okay? Preferably when I’m not around.”

Syd pulled away from Alex and rubbed her forehead slowly. “I’m sorry. I’m just… I don't know what’s going on and no one will tell me. Thorin, could you maybe find out?”

“Let me see what I can do.” He pushed away from the wall and made his way over to the nurse’s station. She had no idea what he said, but a few minutes later, Syd was in a small, curtained off area where Frerin lay, still and quiet, hooked up to an EKG, an IV, and an oxygen cannula as well. All she knew was he was still alive and they couldn't figure out why he was still so unresponsive.

She dragged a wood-and-orange vinyl chair to his bedside and sank into it, slipping her hand into his. “Frerin? If you can hear me, can you squeeze my hand back?”

Nothing.

A sigh bubbled to her lips, but she held it back, tracing her thumb lightly along the side his. His hand was warm, so that was a good sign. “The nurse thought you could maybe hear me. And I hope you can, although I have to admit, I’d rather see the look in your eyes when I tell you I love you, because I think you’d make a perfect deer in the headlights. But, since your eyes aren’t open…

“It’s almost Saturday, Frerin. Another forty minutes and this will all just, hopefully, be a bad memory. The fire, I mean. And my overreaction. But everything else is good. Parts of it are very good. And you did it. You made it eight days. And you’re still here. And now I guess I have to plan a thirtieth birthday party for you because if you think I’m letting that milestone go unnoticed, especially after this week, you’re crazy.”

A hint of pressure tightened against her hand and her heart skipped a beat so hard, it almost hurt. “Frerin?”

He remained silent and still. 

She lifted his hand, clasping it in both of hers and as she brought it to her lips, his index finger moved. Brushed her ever so gently. 

“Frerin?”

His fingers all moved that time, tightening about hers and then he coughed, and croaked, “Syd?”

Her eyes stung anew, her lips began trembling again, but her heart soared above the heavens as she nodded (which was silly, as his eyes were still closed) and whispered back, “It’s me.”

“I’m not dead?”

“Not unless I am, too, and I’m pretty sure I’m not.”

“Thank God…” He swallowed with a wince. “Damn… my throat’s sore…” 

“You breathed in a lot of smoke,” she replied softly, her vision blurring as she brushed his hair away from his forehead. She looked over at the small pitcher and cup on the bedside table. “Do you want some water?”

“No, I’ll be all right in a minute or two.”

“Are you sure?”

“Yeah.” Linens rustled as he turned his head. His eyelids rose slowly, his eyes more gray than blue and very sleepy, and a tired smile lifted the corners of his lips. “Christ, Syd, you are so fucking beautiful,  you know that? You’re the most beautiful woman I have ever seen.”

Her eyes stung even more fiercely now as she rose from the chair and moved closer to gaze down at him. “You are such a liar.”

“I’m not. You’ve been hot since I was fourteen.” His smile widened and he even winked at her. Then, he broke into coughing fit, but as she reached for the call button, he caught her by the wrist and cleared his throat. “I’m okay. Just my lungs are a little clogged, is all.”

“Are you sure? Warehouse fires, remember?”

“Never know what you’re breathing in.”

“You are such a jerk, taking off your mask. You know better.”

“I do, but I didn't care. You weren’t breathing. I had to fix that.”

“Frerin.”

“What? I did.”

“You’re insane, has anyone ever told you that?”

“Yeah. More than once, actually. Hey,” a slow smile lifted the corners of his lips, “did I ever tell you about the time you walked by my desk in Spanish class and your perfume made me hard?”

“Frerin!”

“It’s true. I was terrified Senesky would call on me to go up to the board. How would I explain popping a boner in her class? I’d have never lived that down.”

“That’s terrible.”

“It really was. Girls have no idea.”

“Frerin…”

“What? You don’t.” His smile faded and his eyes grew serious. “I love you, Syd.”

She didn't say anything at first. She couldn’t. Her throat seized up to trap the words and held them fast. But, as she gently stroked his hair, she managed to whisper, “I love you, too, you know.”

His eyes widened, some of the sleepiness fading. “Syd?”

“I do, Frerin. And I’m so sorry I blew up the way I did.”

“No,” he shook his head slowly, “you don't have to be sorry. It sounded insane. I’d have thought I was crazy as well.”

“Frerin, I—“

“Wait.” He shifted slight to his left, then patted the bed. “Come here.”

“Frerin.”

“Live dangerously, honey.”

She smiled and looked about before kicking off her shoes and carefully climbed up to stretch out alongside him. Her eyes stung all over again as he slid his arm about her shoulders and tugged her closer still.

She dissolved then, sobbing into his chest even as he tightened that arm and whispered, “Shhh… it’s okay, honey. I’m going to be fine. I swear, I’m going to be fine.”

“Why did you take off your mask?”

“You needed it more than I did.”

“Frerin.”

“It’s true. I was okay with dying if it meant you wouldn’t.”

“Frerin, don't ever—”

“I’ll always put your safety over my own. Don't you get that, Syd? It’s what I do. Especially when it comes to you.”

“Are you going to get in trouble?”

“I don't know. Maybe. Probably. But I don't care. It was worth it. If it means I get suspended for a couple days or a week or a month, I’ll take it.”

She sniffed, swiping at her eyes with her sleeve. “It was a foolish thing to do.”

“I don't care.” He pressed a kiss into the top of her head. “If I had to do it again, I would. And why were you even there anyway?”

“Meeting with a book vendor over an invoice problem. But the weird thing is, when I got there, the guy didn't remember moving our meeting. He figured his secretary must’ve gotten the time or date wrong but I know I spoke to him, so who knows? And when the fire alarms started going off, he got up from his chair, told me to wait right where I was, and that he’d be back, but he never came back. He just left me there. And, oh my god, I had no idea how quickly smoke could fill up a space.”

He sighed softly. “Syd—”

She looked up at him. “I wasn't afraid when I saw you, though. I knew it’d be okay.”

His arm tightened about her, much like it had that first night they were together, when he’d held her as if he was afraid something would snatch her from him. She carefully draped her arm about his waist and gave him a gentle squeeze. “I knew I’d be okay,” she told him.

He coughed again, but not nearly as hard as he’d done in the building. She lay there quietly, curled against him, her head on his chest, and let her eyes close.

“Frer?”

Frerin smiled as Thorin poked his head around the curtain. “Hey, T. I made it.”

Thorin didn't say anything, but bent over and wrapped Frerin in a bear hug so tight, Frerin wouldn’t have been surprised if his spine cracked in half. “I’m okay, T. Really. And don’t worry, Syd’s going to take care of me.”

“I don't doubt that for a minute.” Thorin stepped back and Frerin didn't miss how shiny his eyes were. “I was a little worried there for a bit. Taking your mask off? You know better.”

“Yeah,” he nodded, “I do. But I didn't care. She wasn’t breathing, so she needed it more than I did. That’s what I cared about.”

“She’s not back yet?”

“No. She had to go down to the firehouse and retrieve my Jeep. I just hope no one is giving her a hard time about it.”

“Is Zarelli on?”

“Yeah. I’m supposed to be on, too, but I’m on the bench for the next week. Chief came by to tell me so himself. And I’m okay with that. I’ve got plans for this week and they do not involve leaving my house if possible.”

Thorin grinned. “Sounds like my kind of plan, Frer.”

“Right? Just me and Syd and my dog. That’s all I want.” He sighed, raking his fingers through his hair. He wished Syd would get there already. He just wanted to go home and shower and brush his teeth. 

“Well, we won’t bother you at all, but you might want to give Ma a call.”

“I’ll do one better. I’m going to go see them. And I’m bringing Syd home to meet them. They won’t know what hit them. Especially if she’s wearing a diamond when I do it.”

“You’re seriously going to ask her? After a week?”

“How weird could it possibly be after everything that’s happened this week, T?” He grinned, shaking his head. “It would be the sanest thing that’s happened to me.”

“Good point.” 

The curtain rustled and Frerin smiled as Syd poked her head around it. “Am I interrupting anything?”

“Not at all.” Thorin stepped back. “I’ll see you in a couple days, Frer. Get some rest. I mean it.”

“Yeah. I will. Eventually.”

“Frerin!”

He rose from the bed, grinning at Syd’s gasp. “What? If you think you’re getting out of makeup sex, you’re insane, woman. I had a whole night planned the other night and that went to hell, so you owe me.”

She arched one brow. “I owe you?”

“Oh, yeah. Ow!” He burst out laughing as she swung the small overnight bag of clothes he’d asked her to bring for him and hit him in the gut. “Easy. I almost died yesterday saving your ass, honey.”

“Frerin.”

“What?”

“Frerin!”

“I did.”

“I know.” Her eyes darkened. “Don't remind me.”

“I’m fine now, honey. See?” He flexed his left biceps. “Poke that. Like a rock.”

“So’s your head.”

“Oh, that hurts. I put your safety before my own and that’s the thanks I get?”

“Frerin.”

Mindful of the draft on his bare ass thanks to the hospital gown that refused to stay tied, he nonetheless wrapped her in his arms, lifted her easily, and swung her about the curtained area, giving a free show to everyone at the nurses’ station. “I love you, Syd. And like I said, I’d do it all over again and I wouldn’t do it any differently.”

She sighed softly, catching his face in her hands. “I don't want to ever do that again, Frerin. Not ever.”

“Kiss me.”

“What?”

“Kiss me. I’ve already mooned half the people in this ER, so why not?”

She bent to him and as their lips met, everyone at the nurses’ station broke into applause. And in that moment, Frerin broke the kiss to whisper, “Will you marry me, Syd?”

“You didn't answer me, you know.”

Syd looked over the Jeep’s hood at him. “Frerin, were you honestly asking me?”

“If I said I was, what would your answer be?” He leaned against the hood, ignoring the cold of the parking garage as it seeped into his bones. He was beyond exhausted, but at the same time, it was a bright, sunny day, he was alive, and had no reason to dread any of the coming days now. He had Syd. He had his dog. He had his health (no thanks to his idiocy, according to Chief Pratt, who promptly told him to take the next week off and think about what he’d done.)

She smiled. “Seven days, Frerin. We’ve been together a whole seven days.”

“I know. But we’ve known each other for sixteen years. And besides, the sex alone would be worth it.”

“You’re crazy.”

“Of course I am. I run into burning buildings for a living. I’d have to be crazy to do that, don't you think?” He winked. “And that’s not an answer.”

“Frerin.”

“I knew it. You’re waiting for a ring, right? You’ll get one, honey. Don’t worry. I have the next seven days to find the perfect one.”

“I don't need a ring, Frerin.”

“So, is that a yes?”

“Are you really asking me?”

“We could do this all day, you know.”

“I know.”

“And that’s why we’re good together.”

“Frerin.”

He winked. “I like hearing you say my name, honey.”

She rolled her eyes at that. “You really are nuts.”

“Pretty sure we just had this same conversation.”

“And I’m pretty sure we’re going to have it a lot more often.”

“Probably.” He tapped both hands against the hood and as she moved to grab the door handle, he said, “Hey, Syd?”

“Yes?”

“Tell me you love me again.”

“Frerin.”

“I love you.”

Her slow smile did something funny to his insides. Warmed his blood. Sent it south. He couldn’t wait to get her home. Her eyes were almost blue today, sparkling as she met his gaze and said, “I love you, too, Frerin.”

“Damn straight you do, honey.”

[bellybiologist]

you seem really angry lately

Because, honestly, I very much am?

My mom died last year due to society failing her in so many ways and after we literally spent an entire 3 months watching her wither away (more if you count the months before her diagnosis)

I'm busy and tired all the time, and have several more anxieties due to the loss of a key member of my household and support system, and the fact that so many spaces, online and otherwise, just don't feel safe for people like me.

and i'm very tired that people just don't seem to GET that and that i have to explain everything over and over, even to people in my own circles.

So many people are so self-involved that they just continue to refuse to read/learn anything and commit continuous micro/macro aggressions. It's sorta no wonder kink artists often just disappear after a while or just recede into hidden spaces. It's exhausting trying to do work for people that don't give back in a way to keep you around, whether it's cuz they have no idea how to properly, or they dont feel safe enough to do it (Which like, in this political climate, i totally get it), or cuz they just dont care. So it feels like i'm not even in A Community™ and I definitely have some trust issues developed, just floating on the outskirts of an already super niche online space.

All things considered??? I'm doing so much better than i could have EVER imagined. I couldve gone completely batshit and off the rails after the trauma ive had to endure. I guess there's truth to the idea that maybe i just coped too well and people think there are No Problems™, which i suppose is fair cuz i dont post a lot of personal stuff these days.

In general, I dont post a lot about my life cuz my family has always been very private and we dont like people knowing what we're doing cuz bitches be nosey and annoying, and I often feel like talking about feelings always costs me a lot more than it ever gives back.

I dunno, maybe i should just go off and blast people who sleight me more frequently, then MAYBE people will Get It™ cuz eventually they'd read what I type after seeing it 50 times a week, right? Absolutely scare away all the people who dont want to do anything but Fap and Leave because they are afraid my blog will make them have to Think About Something™ that isn't white boy dick.

But yes anon, I'm very angry. all the time.

[discreetcompanion]

Ok so you have to tell me - how was your thanksgiving? Mine was very ..untraditional. I had an epic feast at an Indian restaurant near me, it was incredible! Today I went to the mall, yeah, on black Friday and let's just say I'm never doing that shit again. By the time I went to the third store I was exhausted. Get this, it was so packed there wasn't a single seat empty at the food court so I grabbed my food, went to Dave in busters (we have one in our mall) and ate there. I was surprised to see that noone else thought of this. I couldn't figure out if my idea was genius or loserish 🤣. Yeah let's go with genius.

Omg I got the cutest outfits! A friend bought this red dress for me. As soon as I put it on I fell in love. Isn't it gorgeous? Hot, gorgeous, sexy yeah. We love it. I've been getting a lot of custom pic requests lately and have enjoyed dressing up for them. Which reminds me I need go on Etsy and look at their lingerie collection. They have cuter stuff than VS to me. And is it just me or has Victoria secret gotten stale and over priced. I dunno... I don't get inspired looking at VS lingerie. I get on Etsy and some of that stuff looks just as good as VS and could maybe rival agent provocateur. Have you ever looked at someone and fantasized about all the things you'd want to do to/with them? This is how i am with lingerie. I'm like "mmmhmmm my ass would look good bent over like this,,,in that" 🤣. Seriously. Lingerie should be inspirational not just cute to look at.

I've been taking lots of pictures lately but unfortunately I can't post them here since they've been custom pics (for sale) and that just wouldn't be right. It's amazing how we can find the motivation for something when we're being paid for it. Ive had zero motivation to post pics here. Once someone offered to pay me for them all the creativity I thought I'd lost came rushing back lmao. No, I'm not saying you should pay me to post pictures here. What I'm saying is I'll stop being ridiculous and post some more for you. Wanna email me with some ideas? Go right ahead meetprincessestelle(at)gmail.com. id love to hear/see them.

I've missed you. It's hard to let you go. I've been busy with work stuff, personal life stuff, mental health stuff and remember I had that weird illness for two months back in october..ugh. Thankfully I'm all better now. I guess that's something to be grateful for right? Good health and a chance to make every day a great day. Today I was a crabby bitch but I'm ending it on a high note. I'm choosing to be happy and grateful .. especially for you. May you be well. Catch you later.

Xo,

E

[goodfully]

ahh i havent really been using tumblr, mostly bc my first semester of grad school was overwhelming, but i have a lot on my mind right now that i feel like organizing and typing up hahaha

for certain reasons, i usually get overly anxious when the year ends and go crazy insane for the entire first month of the year.. but ive been so calm these days, im not actually sure if thats bc ive actually healed or if ive found good distractions. ive always been obsessed with at least appearing as if im put together, but ive been much more so this year than any other year... i hope ive been actually healing despite that tho hahaha

anyway! studying philosophy in grad school has been the most excitement ive ever felt! to be surrounded by so many thoughtful and inspiring ppl that i get to often talk to and listen to and learn from has been so wonderful. in the past months ive been esp obsessed with kants conception of perfection and god and goodness... im currently reading his "a new elucidation of the first principles of metaphysical cognition" and aaahh its just so exciting hahaha i really regret not studying philosophy for my undergrad degree and i worry i lack so much compared to my peers, but ive been enjoying every single class so far and am even more excited for my classes next semester!

ahh but having two part time jobs along with my classes and classwork has really made me so busy and exhausted... i quite dislike nyc in general as well, so that on top of everything else has just really made me become someone very antisocial and difficult to befriend and hang out with... im also stuck in the mindset that im just here to prioritize studying for two years and get the hell out of there, so my desire to make close friends (i socialize with my program mates superficially..) has been very low. im very much someone who wont speak/reach out unless spoken to/approached, and i didnt realize it was a such a huge problem until i received a wake up call from someone... so i think this year i need to work on being more aware of the relationships i have with other ppl in my life.

in general tho, i also just would like to be more aware of living in my body/physical self... less zoned out and stuck in my head, more going outside and moving around and cleaning up the spaces i use and ofc also being with others. i guess what i actually mean is that i want to have more faith in my being and actually love being... and these are just some things i can do to hopefully do that. i dont think i can be the kind of person i want to be that makes an actual difference/contribution in the world they live in if im not actually living/being in my body.

anyway i think thats all i have to say for now? i look forward to this upcoming year... continuing my studies in grad school and going back home to taiwan for the summer in between those two semesters. itll be so busy and difficult and exciting! i just get the feeling that its okay for me to have wishful thinking and high hopes for myself this year hahaha

[kelseyfitzherbert]

so id love to put this under a read more but i haven't been here lately and my brain is mush and i forgot but i just need a place to scream

tw: cancer, depression, self hatred, loneliness, etc etc etc

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

im so tired. my toddler has cancer yet im the tired one. everyday is just me on autopilot until the next treatment, or doctor's visit, or body scan. when my husband isn't home, i crumble, having to handle my son alone. and he's a really good kid. but everyday is the same. and i know it's temporary, and i know i should be grateful for whatever time i have with my kid, but i'm losing me. i want to get away but have nowhere to go. i want to escape but everywhere i turn is reality. and i can't. i have a job to do here and my kid is counting on me.

but man, what i would've give for like, a four day coma.

im lonely. i feel like everyone i love pulls away from me, and it's my own doing. one example is i used to talk everyday in a group chat with my only local remaining close friends, but now it's deserted and i'm 90% sure they have a group without me. i didn't mean to pull away. things just got so busy and sometimes it's just so hard for me to even say a sentence. they tried to invite me to things at first but with my schedule so up in the air and dependent on riley, they stopped asking me. and maybe i'm stupid, and overreacting, and self sabotaging myself but i feel like almost everyone in my life is doing this now. my husband, my kid, my friends, my family. and it's so hard not to blame it on myself because....why wouldn't it be. ive done this my entire life. i push people away. i don't mean to, but i do.

i don't mean to be this way but everything in my life is so isolating right now. i don't spend any time with anyone outside my family. i have problems that get ignored. i try and speak up but it feels like im invisible. it feels like nobody wants to hang out, or spend time with me, or just talk to me about things that are normal and not my situation. my old friends don't say they miss me, or try and help me get out of this in and out day by day horror ride i'm on. sometimes it feels like nobody wants me around. and i know it's not other peoples jobs to do that. i know it's my own. i know i need to put forth a majority of the effort but i feel like i'm giving and giving and giving and giving and nobody hears me. i can't give anymore. i'm exhausted. i'm embarrassed. i'm ashamed. sometimes it feels like nobody's life would benefit from keeping me close and it's just so fucking hard right now.

because who would want to. who would want to entertain the girl whose kid has cancer and over compensates with everything else in her life to try and find a little bit of peace in such a scary, awful world. who gets too loud, too obsessive, too clingy or too annoying. i try not to but it's just hard. idk how my husband is still here. i would've left me so long ago.

i look in the mirror and i hate myself. i hate what i see. i hate who i am and only see myself as useless. i blame that on why nobody wants to be around me, and it pushes me further. i hate the way i look, and i hate it because i'm in better shape than ive been. but ive just been staring at myself today wondering what the fuck im doing wrong. im scared to be around my husband, who is the kindest person in the world. who, without him, id fall apart.

maybe im just overreacting. ive got people in my life who i love so much and i know care about me. but i can't help but fall back into that thinking of "im going to ruin this again" because it's all ive ever done. i don't want to push my friends, my family, my damn husband away. and i overcompensate that and it comes off as clingy and desperate and annoying.

i want to get back to things i love but it's hard. im trying. i still workout, i actually love going at 430am now. but other than that, i cannot get myself to do anything more than exist. i want to do things. i want to talk to people and go out and adventure and live. i want to draw and write and sing but i can't. i just can't.

im so proud of my kid. ive watched this little two year old do things with a smile on his face that would make a grown person cry. he's so brave, and i can't be that for him and i hate it.

im just tired. and if you made it this far, hey, what's up lol. sorry i just disappear and then reappear randomly upset about stuff. this blog has always been my number one safe space since 2010. it's see a lot of the shit of my life. im starting therapy again this month, which will be a shitshow. it'll be good, but it'll be a shitshow.

just...be kind. that's all i can say. be kind to people. you never know what they're going through, and sometimes a simple word can help so much.

and thank you to those who reach out. who care. i love you all. ❤️

[aliens-took-my-iwa-chan]

Beatie greetings from the cold, dark of my room I am verytired.

Today I finally drew Sun and Moon fanart, and I also got to wear a cool new beanie. It's been soooo coold. Dont like it

How about youu??

greetings from my cold dark room as well!!! we shall bond over exhaustion-

OOOOOOOOOO- can I see? if you dont want to show me no pressure ofc <3333 i dont know much about sun and moon but based off of what ive seen on my dash their character designs are very interesting! if you ever want to blorbo dump about them id be happy to listen <3333

OOOO YAY COOL NEW BEANIE WE STAN-

yeah its super cold lately (I say, living in a desert where the lowest temp today was 53) (wait really 53??? THATS SO COLD-) (in case you cant tell it doesnt snow where I live and I get cold after merely drinking a glass of water-) cold sucks, sorry you have to deal with it bestie :(

ive been… okay so im not gonna lie, life has kinda been a punch in the gut lately. its been a difficult two weeks, and the next two weeks are gonna suck as well. not gonna be able to trick or treat with friends this year bc I have tech week until 8-9:30 next monday :( aw wait so im not gonna be able to wear my adam costume??? :( sad

but its not too bad, its just been really busy lolol i’ll get over it ^-^

SORRY I DIDNT MEAN TO JUST COMPLAIN FOR A WHOLE PARAGRAPH- theres been good stuff too!! i drew a bit today! not anything good but it was still fun!!! and talking to you is always amazing!! and tgs updated!!!!

giving you all the hugs <33333