#these bits of joy that i once hadn't allowed myself

[pastafossa]

SO. Let's do a GOOD NEWS thing regarding the fiberglass. With Ulta's Black Friday sale, AND mom and sis quietly using my rewards card when shopping to build up my points, I got two new palettes in the mail. These will FINALLY fill in the last major gap in my replacement eyeshadow collection, one I've rebuilt a bit with help from friends.

I love makeup, ok? Specifically eye makeup. I love doing bright colors, seasonal looks, movie colors, tv show colors, holiday looks, etc. It's become a thing for me, because I was very depressed and lonely as a teen and and tried very hard to fit the Good Christian Girl mold at church to make friends, which meant very low key makeup and conservative colors in the area I lived. But then I started to make fandom friends online, went to cons with them, and slowly became both more confident and more comfortable being me because they helped show me that Real Me was actually a perfectly likeable person, bright colors and all. Which means shiny sunglasses. Bright colors! Shirts with fandom things, and cool eyeshadow to match! Over the years I picked up a ton of it - collector's editions, gifts, sales on palettes too pricey to buy otherwise. I had maybe 50 individual colors and 20 or so palletes that covered the entire spectrum of the rainbow.

And I lost all of it in a single day to fiberglass.

If I hadn't had some of my basic makeup and two older palettes still packed away in my zipped up backpack , I'd literally have been forced to start back at square one. As it was, I was at... square three, maybe. I'm still not all the way there - it'll take years to build it all back up fully and a lot of those palettes were irreplaceable. But I've got all that I need to feel like me again, and I think that's what counts.

[kookie-doughs]

Daddy Cupid: The Asshole

Modern!Donquixote Doflamingo X Reader

-When your father grows weary of your single life, he takes it upon himself to play matchmaker. With him knowing the entire city, he embarks on a mission to find you the perfect match.

Chapter 2: I'm literally the best stop complaining

The question of why you hadn't blocked Doflamingo's number had crossed your mind several times. The answer, you supposed, was that you kept it in case there was an emergency or something related to your father's persistent matchmaking efforts. But every time he sent you a barrage of messages, you questioned that decision.

This morning, you woke up to a whopping 41 messages from Doflamingo. As you scrolled through them, you realized that they ranged from him checking up on you, to him insulting you for being injured in the first place, and even included a series of videos where he flexed his wrist to prove he was perfectly fine.

His face was definitely not something you wanted to see first thing in the morning, and you couldn't help but wonder if there was a way to block him without him coming to harass you afterwards.

Of course, Doflamingo isn't the only one who had your number. Among the various messages some are from friends like Smoker and Buggy, one message stood out and grabbed your attention - it was from Marco. Your heart skipped a beat as you read his message, curious about what he had to say or if he had any explanation for the awkward situation from yesterday.

You smiled at Marco's message, appreciating the prospect of a pleasant lunch to lift your spirits after dealing with Doflamingo's antics. You replied with the name of a good diner you knew, and when he confirmed the plan, you slumped onto the couch, contemplating what to do while you waited for lunchtime to arrive.

Excitement for your upcoming date with Marco filled you, and you decided to share your anticipation with your friends. You posted about how thrilled you were for the date and took the opportunity to block everyone related to Doflamingo from seeing your posts (sorry Law, i can't trust you). You wanted to ensure a peaceful and enjoyable day ahead.

As you looked at your excited post about the date your dad had set up for you, a strange feeling washed over you. Why were you so excited about this? It was yet another one of your father's matchmaking attempts, something that had become more of a burden than a source of joy.

The realization made your happy bubble burst, and a frown crept onto your face as you pondered why you had allowed yourself to feel this way about a situation you had little control over.

Feeling a bit more reluctant this time, you decided to dress more casually than the day before. Your preparations were quicker today, and you arrived at the diner in a more relaxed state, hoping that today's date with Marco would turn out better than yesterday's unexpected encounter with Doflamingo.

As you sat down at the diner, you tried to banish any thoughts of Doflamingo from your mind. However, your efforts were in vain as you saw the man himself walking towards you with a smug, shit-eating grin on his face. It seemed that he was determined to make your day miserable once again.

"Oh, love, I didn't know you'd be here. How perfect!" he cooed.

You prayed, hoping Marco would arrive already, as ignoring Doflamingo became increasingly difficult with each breath he took.

"Y/N sweetheart~ what would you want to eat hmm? you know since your disabled right now~ i can feed you and all that i wouldnt want my darling straining her hand. im just that sweet" Doflamingo sang.

"I can feed myself just fine," you retorted, struggling to maintain your patience.

Just as you were about to lose your cool, a ray of hope appeared in the form of your doctor, entering the diner. His smile brought instant relief as he approached your table.

"Hey, doc!" you called, your scowl turning into a smile. "Fancy running into you here. Three time in a row, aren't you lucky?"

He chuckled, "Maybe it's fate that brought us together."

Curious, you asked, "So, what brings you to this place?"

"I'm actually here for a lunch date," he admitted with a sheepish grin.

"Ah, a date?" you replied. "Where's the lucky person?"

"I have no idea," he laughed, "My dad arranged it and didn't tell me much, except that it's his friend's daughter."

Your eyes widened in realization. "Wait, Doc, is your name Marco?"

He raised an eyebrow, amused. "You've seen me twice now, and I had my name tag on both occasions." He laughed

Doflamingo, who had been hovering nearby, didn't seem thrilled with Marco's arrival. His confident demeanor wavered as he realized you might be genuinely interested in getting to know Marco better.

You couldn't help but laugh at your own obliviousness. "I guess I was too focused on my wrist to notice your name. Sorry about that."

Marco continued, "So, are you two on a date?"

You quickly clarified, "Oh, no, not at all. He was just asking for food." You stressed pushing him away. "Although I think, we're the ones who's supposed to be on a date."

Doflamingo, however, seemed unfazed by your attempts to distance yourself from him, and just glared down Marco.

As Marco and you exchanged introductions, the atmosphere shifted subtly. It felt different from the forced encounters your father arranged. There was a genuine sense of curiosity and interest in each other.

You took a seat at the small corner table, Marco joining you. Doflamingo, looking slightly put off, hovered around, but you chose to ignore him. You were more focused on Marco, trying to get to know the person behind the doctor you'd seen thrice this week.

"So, Marco, tell me about yourself. I've only heard about you briefly," you said, genuinely curious.

Marco leaned back in his chair, a faint smile tugging at his lips. "Well, I'm a doctor, as you know. I recently moved to Grand Line to work at the hospital here. I enjoy reading, running, and cooking. And I have an inexplicable fondness for cats."

You chuckled, finding his quirks endearing. "That sounds nice. What made you choose a career in medicine?"

"It's a long story," Marco replied with a shrug. "But mainly, I wanted to help people. Plus, I'm a bit of a science nerd."

You nodded, appreciating his dedication to his profession. The conversation flowed effortlessly as you talked about your own interests and experiences. Marco was easy to talk to, and you found yourself enjoying his company more than you'd expected.

Meanwhile, Doflamingo seemed increasingly irritated by the situation, occasionally making snide comments and eye-rolling gestures. You tried to ignore him, but his presence was hard to ignore.

Eventually, you decided to order your meals, continuing to enjoy the conversation. It felt different from the forced setups your father orchestrated. With Marco, there was a genuine connection, a sense that you might have more in common than you'd initially thought.

Despite Doflamingo's interruptions and attempts to annoy you, the lunch date with Marco turned out to be surprisingly pleasant. You couldn't help but think that maybe, just maybe, this wasn't a bad match after all.

He interrupted your conversation with Marco several times, making snide remarks and trying to draw your attention back to him. It was clear that he wanted to assert his dominance, proving that he could disrupt your day no matter what.

However, you were determined not to let Doflamingo ruin your time with Marco. You politely but firmly asked him to leave your table, but he wouldn't budge. His persistence was infuriating, and it became a battle of wills between you and the persistent man.

Despite Doflamingo's best efforts to annoy you, Marco remained composed and understanding. He didn't engage with Doflamingo's antics but instead focused on your conversation, as if he could block out the interference. His unwavering support and patience impressed you even more.

You nod towards Doflamingo, annoyance evident in your expression. "How do you manage to tolerate him?"

Marco lets out a chuckle. "Well, growing up in a household with at least 19 brothers can prepare you for dealing with all kinds of personalities. Edward adopted a lot of kids after my mom passed away, so I've had my fair share of interesting characters around."

Your conversation continued, but alas, Doflamingo always wins. His antics grew tiresome, and you decided it was time to end the lunch and escape the annoying man's presence. You politely excused yourself, thanked Marco for the pleasant time, and promised to meet him again soon.

"As long as it's not about your wrist." You both laughed.

As you left the diner, you couldn't help but feel that Doflamingo would continue to be a thorn in your side.

Doflamingo pouted, "Hey, I thought your dad liked me. Why is he introducing you to others?"

You shrugged, "He doesn't like you; he likes every bachelor in this city."

Doflamingo confidently declared, "That's me. He likes me. Tell him you don't need to meet others; the great me is already taking his time meddling with the likes of you."

"God I hope you stop."

"I'm superior to that Marco guy in every way. I'm smarter, stronger, taller, you name it."

"Mhm, congratulations. Now, could you please go away?"

"Why go on a date with him and not me? Rayleigh said he also suggested me?" Doflamingo asked, a hint of irritation in his voice.

You turned to him, a mix of disgust and confusion on your face. "Please tell me that's not a genuine question," you replied, unable to comprehend how Doflamingo could believe he was a better choice.

"Well, I guess your puny, stupid brain can't comprehend my greatness," Doflamingo quipped with a smirk.

You scoffed in response and rolled your eyes, refusing to engage further in his arrogant banter.

Doflamingo continued with his arrogant comments as you walked together, making you grit your teeth in frustration. After a few more minutes, he suddenly stopped in his tracks.

Thinking it was finally time to get away from him, you walked ahead and leave him behind. However, you realized you had arrived back at your place.

You looked back at Doflamingo, who stood there, glancing around and occasionally locking eyes with you.

You blinked in surprise, realizing that Doflamingo had indeed walked you all the way home. You stood there, staring at the doorknob, not quite sure how to react to this unexpected situation.

"Are you seriously struggling to grasp the concept of opening a door? You've been standing there for a good ten minutes," Doflamingo jeered with his signature arrogance.

Your eyes widened, and you blinked in disbelief at his audacity. Staring at the doorknob as if it held the secrets of the universe, you stammered, "I-I..."

Doflamingo's mocking tone left you flustered and at a loss for words, making your response little more than an incoherent mutter.

Fueled by frustration, you exclaimed, "Whatever!" and slammed the door shut behind you. You rushed away, hoping to find a way to escape from Doflamingo's relentless presence. However, as you peered out, your heart sank when you realized he was still there, watching your every move with that infuriating smirk.

Your face burned with frustration as you stomped towards the elevator. Once you reached your apartment, you rushed inside and peeked out from the balcony, half expecting Doflamingo to still be standing by the door. To answer your question, he was walking and was a few meters away.

He had walked you home and even waited until you entered your apartment before departing. The whole situation left you confused.

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[boliv-jenta]

Maxwell Lord x f!reader

WC:2.3k

Warnings: insecurities, angst, wee bit of smut.

Summary: A fluffy one shot about Max's road to redemption.

This has sat in my docs for over a year. I wasn't feeling it, but Max deserves some love.

Better Together

If someone had told you two years ago that you would be dating Maxwell Lord. Yes, that Maxwell Lord. You would have laughed in their faces. Part of you cringes at the memory of his cheesy TV ads. You brush away the thought as a smile creeps to your lips, your aren't quick enough to suppress it. 

"Penny for them?" Max sings as he pushes the hair away from your face. You hadn't even realised he was awake. "What has put a smile on my beautiful lady's face? Hmm?" Picking your head up off the pillow you kissed him softly on the lips. "You."

"Me?" he grinned, his whole face lit up as he did so. You loved to see him smile like that at a compliment. 

When you met him he was a shell of himself. He hated the choices he had made. Hated that he had caused so much damage. In short he hated himself.  The thing he hated the most was that he had risked his relationship with his son. That's what you were here to help him with. After a short time in prison, Max had been granted visitation with Allister as part of his rehabilitation. You had been appointed by the court to provide supervision. Allister loved the park so most of your visits took place there. You would sit at a reasonable distance allowing father and son to play together but close enough to be there for Allister. Max was always very polite and thanked you profusely when it was time to leave. 

As time passed you found yourself looking forward to their visits. You loved to watch them play together. Max would chase Allister and act terrified when Allister would turn around and chase him. He would swing on the swing set next to Allister, laughing loudly as he did. He would toss his jacket off and roll around in the grass wrestling with the boy. On one occasion you had to break up such a wrestling match to take Allister home. As Max said goodbye to you you had reached up to brush some grass from his hair without realising how intimate the gesture could be. His deep brown eyes looked into yours before Allister called your name from the back seat of the car. 

"I better go." you smiled flustered. "Bye, Mr Lord." 

"I'll see you next time." he opened the car door for you. "And please, call me Max." 

Next time you saw him you tried not to think how you had blushed once you had gotten into the car. Alastair had seen a friend from school and asked if he could go play. Mr Lord, Max, had sat next to you on a bench while you both watched Alastair. At first you made polite conversation before talking more about your lives. You spoke about your work, hobbies, interests. He did the same. While avoiding some of the more sensitive topics like his dabbling with world domination. The time passed quickly. When it was time to leave you could feel disappointed settle in your chest. 

From then on Alastair playing with his friends became a regular thing. You would sit with Max and talk. He eventually opened up about his rehabilitation. After 'the incident' he was arrested. Due to the truly bizarre circumstances he was only charged with fraud. There was no evidence of what he had supposedly done plus whatever had happened to every seemed to affect people's memories as time wore on. You tried to think back to what happened and it was hazy. All you remembered was Max's voice and the joy of seeing your father again. During his time in prison he received therapy. He alluded to his father being abusive but you didn't push. The therapy was helping him with his self esteem. 

"I want to be the best father I can be to Alastair. That means looking to improve myself and being the man he needs me to be." he had summed up. 

It was hard to believe the man you had read about in your file was the same man in front of you. He was so open and sweet. Without thinking you covered his hand that was resting on his knee with yours. His head snapped up towards you, eye's scanning your face for meaning, the air between you became thick. 

"Daddy!" Alastair called running up to both of you breaking you out of the moment. Later that day you had asked to be removed from their case. It wasn't professional to harbour romantic feelings for the people you supervise.

Months passed, you occasionally thought about Max and Alastair and hoped they understood why you moved off the case. You had asked your boss to explain that you didn't want to lose your objectivity as you had begun to enjoy spending time with them. 

A familiar voice called from behind you as you drank your tea at your local coffee shop. 

"Mr Lord? I mean Max?" taking a moment you took him in. The blond in his hair, which he had started to grow out, was completely gone. His clothes were still stylish but clearly less expensive and more comfortable. The most striking difference was the facial hair that now framed his face and the glasses that he wore. 

"May I sit?" he asked, gesturing to the empty seat at your table. Once you indicated it was ok he sat. "I don't mean to make you feel uncomfortable. I just never got the chance to thank you for all you did."

"It's ok. I was just doing my job and Alastair is such a sweet kid." you smiled at him.

He suddenly found the table very interesting, playing with the edge of the menu laid there. "I didn't just mean for Alastair. You were the first person in a long time that treated me like a good guy. I felt like I could be myself around you which is something I haven't done in years." 

You caught his attention by grasping the hand that was fidgeting on the table. "You are a good man, Max." you tried to convey your sincerity. You did truly believe that. You had seen enough of the world to know that sometimes it chewed up good people, twisted them until they were unrecognisable. 

"Would you allow me to cook you dinner tonight?" he asked hopefully. 

"I'd like that." his face broke into a massive grin as you spoke. 

It had been a long time since you had laughed so hard. Dinner had been delicious, the conversation had been easy and free flowing, so had the drinks. Max had encouraged you to dance with him. As the music slowed he had wrapped his arms around your waist and pulled you closer, you kissed, gently at first. The kiss grew to something more. He had pulled away, pupils blown with lust, chest heaving but clearly unsure what to do next. You simply took his hand and led him to his bedroom. 

He spent the next couple of hours eager to please you. Muttering praise while buried deep inside you.

Soon you began to spend every free moment with him. You had become happy with your own company over the years but you loved how Max complimented you in every way. He made everything better and brighter. It was hard to describe, it wasn't like you were unhappy before but it was like he was a piece of your life that you didn't know you were missing. Despite this, the progression of your relationship was slow. Your own childhood has been emotionally abusive, you struggled to see yourself positively. It was hard for you to accept when people truly valued you and cared for you. Max had told you about how he grew up feeling worthless, being treated like a burden and an outcast. You both were clearly head over heels for each other but both of you were too scared to say it out loud. Both too afraid of rejection. 

The day before Valentine's Day Max had brought Alastair over to visit, as he said he had something for you. 

"We had to draw what we thought love was." Alastair explained unfolding the paper in his hand and smoothing it out on the kitchen table. The picture seemed to be of you and Max holding hands in the park. Red and pink hearts and kisses adorned the edges of the picture. 

"I drew you guys because you're in love." Alastair concluded. His comment hung in the air. 

Without realising you held your breath and looked at Max. 

"We are." he confirmed, looking back at you. When he turned his attention to Alastair to praise his drawing, you took a moment to wipe away the tears of joy from your eyes. The next afternoon he arrived at your door carrying a beautiful potted orchid. On it was a simple note that said 'All my love, Max.' 

The orchid found a home on your kitchen counter. It was there later that night when you finally exchanged 'I love you's. It's petal trembled from the force of Max's thrust as he made love to you against the counter. You couldn't work out if his slow, steady movements as he entered you from behind were not enough or too much to allow you to come. Once he came inside you he wasted no time scoping you and sitting you in his lap at the kitchen table. His fingers stroked your clit until you came, crying out his name against his neck.

A week later, it's bloom gave you some comfort as you cried at the same table. You and Max had a falling out. Old insecurities had raised their ugly heads. 

It was so stupid. Max had met you at your favourite coffee shop. At your usual time on a Friday, he ordered your usual order, you sat at the window as usual. Reminiscent of the day he asked you out. Everything was routine and comfortable. Even the same familiar faces soon took their places at the tables around you. Max had gone to the bathroom when one of those familiar faces approached you. She was an elderly lady, her grey hair was immaculately styled as usual, she always smelled of a sweet floral scent. She spoke with an accent that you found soothing, possibly Italian. Her whole presence was just lovely to you. Smiling up at her you watched her approach. 

"You two are just adorable." She touched your shoulder lightly as she spoke.

"Thank you." you blushed.

"It's been so nice to watch your young love unfold. Don't forget to invite me to the wedding." she chuckled lightly before  walking away. As she left, your eyes fell on Max standing behind her. 

Suddenly, your comfortable Friday routine was anything but. Max looked stricken. He shuffled uncomfortably under your gaze. Grabbing your things, you mutter excuses before making a quick exit. Max had just stood there. 

Arriving home, you let yourself be swallowed by your bed. Buried in a pit of comfort while the discomfort bloomed in the pit of your stomach. Of course Max hadn't said anything. Why would he want to marry you? Part of you always knew that once Max got back on his feet he would realise he could do better. He was ambitious and hard working. You were a homebody who loved routine. Max was handsome, even without his hair stylist and make up artist. You were. Well, you. You couldn't see your face on TV screens everywhere, enticing people to follow their dreams. 

As the days wore on with no call from Max, the bloom that offered you comfort mocked you. Until the shards of its broken pot littered your kitchen floor. You were busy picking them up when Max let himself in. 

"Are you alright? I saw you through the window." He started to help.

In your determination to show him you were fine on your own, you became careless and cut your finger. 

As you hissed in pain, Max caught your wrist. "Here, let me…"

"I can do it!" You snapped. Everything that you wanted to say to him, every grievance your mind had built while he stayed silent fuelled your anger towards him.

"I know you can but I want to." His words were as soft as his touch.

The reassurance of his easy presence calmed you. "I'm sorry I didn't call. I didn't know what to say." He worked methodically cleaning your cut. "I should have said something, anything rather than be silent."

"No, I'm sorry. I overreacted. What were you supposed to do, propose there and then? I just got in my own head about not being good enough for you…"

A light laugh left his lips before he pressed them to your newly cleaned finger. "You? Not good enough for me? I've spent the last two days trying to work out how I could ever be good enough for you. I saw the hopeful look in your eyes. How could I ever hope to share a life with you. Give you the life you deserve. When I made such a mess of mine?"

It was your turn to laugh. "So we're both afraid of not being enough for each other and instead of just talking about it we both just brooded on it. We're idiots."

"I guess we are." He smiled. "How is your finger?"

"Not too bad. Thank you. Just a little sore."

"I think I have something I can put on it." 

Before you could catch what he was doing, a ring slipped onto your ring finger. "Well, it's not the right finger. And it's not an engagement ring. I would like time to save for a better ring." To stem his rambling, he took a deep breath. "I thought that this could be a promise ring. As in I promise to try to be a better man for you. I promise to make a home for us, and Alastair, if you let me."

"I would love that. I promise to work on myself too. This whole thing brought up some issues of my own that I need to look at. I want to be the partner you deserve. And you deserve so much Max. If you don't believe that, I guess I'll just have to spend every day trying to convince you."

"That sounds perfect."

"Maybe we can work on ourselves together?"

"Together." That single word from your lips fulfilled him more than any wish could.

[shaymeme]

Right so I'm writing a Black Clover x Magia Record fic, here's a little snippet.

I was recommended to answer these questions too so I guess I should do that (who am I kidding, I'm dying to share):

1. How did your story idea come to you?

I spent a little time thinking over the story I wanted to write and was struggling a bit, but once we got confirmation that AUs were allowed, it was basically a tossup between a Bleach AU and a Black Clover AU. The Bleach AU was tempting, but I knew I still hadn't finished the show + Black Clover AU meant actually living up to my name and writing AshKuroe, so Black Clover AU it was!

2. What's been your favorite part to write so far?

All the cute little interactions between Ashley and Kuroe! It's funny to me that, as the person who conjured the ship in their insane mind-brain, I rarely ever write the ship, so when I do, it always feels fresh and original... they're just so cute together, I can't help myself!

3. Do you have a character you really enjoy writing? Which one and why?

The obvious answers would be Kuroe and Ashley, since the former gives a lot of chances for introspective writing and more philosophical thinking (for better or worse), while the latter just seems like a fun person who is really cheerful and bounces off of others really well. If I had to give a single character, though, it would be Secré from Black Clover! She only really has one scene so far, but it was a joy writing her because I could allow myself to write a character who is more mischievous and revels in the chaos around her.

4. What's the hardest part to write?

The downtime between big plot moments, and more casual dialogue... it's easy for me to do in other fics, where there's either bigger casts introduced, so you can throw more characters out without lengthy introductions, or the setting is more modern, so there's more stuff to potentially prompt the protagonist into an odd-yet-interesting internal monologue and musing, but in a more medieval setting without many characters, it's hard writing the less important bits...

5. What part are you most looking forward to writing?

The magic knights entrance exam!

@magireco-minibang

[rickie-the-storyteller]

Bephanie Snippet

I've been looking forward to sharing this one.

Hope you guys enjoy!!

___

I ignored the terrible pit of dread in my gut as I knocked on the door. I had been travelling for almost the whole entire day. I was here on a mission - determined to rebuild what had been broken.

What I had broken, to be more specific.

Something that El always says is that when you make mistakes, you have to take full responsibility for them and take the necessary steps to make things right. This was me doing just that. I was scared, but I knew that I had to put my own feelings aside... like how I should have done, to begin with. This isn't about me. This is about making amends with my husband. Ben. Who I haven't seen or spoken to in weeks.

"It's going to be fine," I told myself. Aloud. I needed to hear those words.

I stood at the familiar front door, my heart pounding with a mixture of nervousness and hope. Sooner or later, the door swung open, revealing you-know-who on the other side. I don't know if I was expecting that.

I mean, he was who I came here for. Of course, I was going to see him eventually. I wanted to see him. I guess I just didn't want to see him first. And I didn't think I would see him first, either... he's staying with his family. But I guess it's better this way. Get over the initial awkwardness of all this. Like ripping off a Band-Aid.

We both kind of stared at each other in stunned silence. It wasn't a tense silence, there was no deep sense of uncomfortability around it. But it wasn't happy or peaceful either.

I mustered up the courage to finally speak (since he clearly wasn't going to). "Hey," I greeted casually. At least, I tried to sound casual. In reality, I probably sounded like a robot.

I was expecting a lot. I was expecting rage, pain, yelling, and some good old-fashioned passive aggression. Maybe even tears, like how he reacted when he first found out.

I wasn't expecting what I got.

"Steph?"

Just my name. Barely above whisper volume. It sounded like a question, a plead, a forgotten feeling. Or maybe that's just how I heard it.

It gave me a small amount of hope that I didn't have going in. I don't know what it was exactly... maybe it was the fact that he didn't immediately slam the door in my face. Maybe it was the fact that he didn't scream at me about what a gross and pathetic slut I was (like somebody said he would... thanks, Reginald). Or maybe it was the look in his eyes. His face was a mixture of conflicting emotions. I could see surprise, pain, fear and uncertainty. But there was something else beyond all that in his eyes, something I hadn't seen in a while – a warm glow. Light. Hope. A glimmer of the old love that had once been the foundation of our relationship. Maybe even a hint of forgiveness?

Ok, perhaps that one was a stretch. But he wasn't completely angry. There was a bit of hurt and anger there, but not as much as I thought there would be.

It gave me a renewed inner strength that I didn't know I needed. I allowed myself to relax a bit and smile.

Maybe there was hope for us after all. Everything can get back to normal. Things can be ok in my life for once!

Stop it, Steph. This isn't about you.

Before I could say anything else, the sound of laughter and chatter filled the air.

I glanced past Ben to see a lively scene unfolding in the living room. His family – parents, siblings, nieces, and nephews – were all gathered, sharing stories and joy. It was a warm, chaotic contrast to the heavy atmosphere between Ben and me. And I wanted in!

I think Ben could tell, because the next thing he did was step aside to let me enter, saying, "You want to come in, then?"

I nodded, my smile growing even wider. In I went.

_

"Stephanie!" Ben's younger adoptive sister, Emily, greeted me with a tight hug. "We've missed you!"

I returned the hug, laughing. "I've missed you more, Em."

Toby (Ben's older adoptive brother) came up from behind me and joined in on the hugging action. "Highly doubtful, Steph. No, but seriously, it's been way too long. How have you been?"

Where to begin... maybe stressed out of my damn mind with this investigation? Guilty for almost wrecking my own marriage? Miserable for hurting all of my friends? Confused about where I stand with Bret (or what my relationship with Bret even is now... this has been going on for months now, and I still have no idea what it is. I don't even really know how I feel about him anymore. Not that any of this even matters. Man... I can't believe I've spent this long talking about Bret - none of this is about him!)?

All because I was bored. And because I could. I didn't think about the potential consequences. I didn't care about how my actions could affect other people.

Man... I'm such a callous bitch sometimes.

Self-loathing rant aside, it was around this point when I began to notice how curious Ben's family was. Everyone seemed to have a new question to ask. I felt like I was being interrogated or something.

"You remember Aunt Thedra, right?" Toby asked, gesturing toward a kind-looking woman with greying hair, who was engaged in animated conversation with a man I distinctly remembered to be Emily's husband Gareth. I nodded without saying a word, despite not recognising "Aunt Thedra" at all.

"You want to say hi to the kids, Steph?" Emily asked, picking up one of her children - a small boy, probably no older than 4 or 5. I found out that his name was Jacob, and that he was the middle kid in Emily's family of 5(!) young children. But he didn't seem too pleased to see me (the kid straight up burst out crying when he noticed my presence), so I said no for now.

"Stephanie, darling!" called the sweet, gentle voice of Ben's mother, Marian. "It's lovely to see you back here again. I'm making some dinner, do you want beef or vegetarian casserole?"

Such a kind woman. Right as I prepared to open my mouth and respond, however, I heard this:

"How come she gets to pick what we have?!"

It was Lily. Jacob's big sister. I say "big" but she really doesn't look that much older than him... maybe a year or two.

"That's Stephanie, Lily," Marian calmly replied. "She's our guest for the night, so she gets to pick what we're having for dinner."

Lily grumbled a little bit more, but eventually, she got the message. I'm assuming she's heard about me in the past because she seemed to have an idea of who I was. How do I know this? Well, once she was done talking to Marian, she turned to me and went, "So, are you Uncle Ben's special friend?"

I kid you not. Straight up said that to my face!

I had no idea how to respond to this question coming out of a five-year-old girl's mouth. But I didn't have to, because just then, Ben's father, Paul, welcomed me with a genuine smile, and yet another warm hug. "Steph, love. How are you? Thought you were avoiding us!"

"No, Paul," I smiled back, returning the hug. "I've just had a lot on my plate lately."

Ben has a pretty large and chaotic family. It's nice to be surrounded by all this noise at a time like this - when your heart and mind are fighting for your attention, and you're hurting after weeks of nonstop despair, it's almost nice to have a room full of distraction. Being in a stimulating atmosphere like Ben's childhood home was a refreshing break from the cold dead silence I struggled to get used to when he left the house.

For a moment, I could almost forget the storm that loomed between Ben and me. But I knew that I had to face the music sooner or later.

_

The evening went by pretty smoothly, honestly - much smoother than I thought it would. Of course, it helped that Ben and I were kind of trying to avoid one another. Mostly to maintain the peace. But also because I had no idea what to even say to him. Which is weird, since I've had hours of travel time to think of things to say to him!

I caught him looking at me from across the room at several points. His gaze held a weird mixture of curiosity and something else I couldn't quite place. I don't know what it was... I didn't want to give myself more false hope by convincing myself that it was forgiveness or understanding. It might be... but it was probably more along the lines of confusion. He seemed more conflicted than anything else.

I don't blame him. I'm confused, too. Not with him. With me. What's wrong with me?! I came here to fix things between us, and I have yet to figure out how to achieve this goal.

...That's a massive lie. I knew what to do. I knew what it would take. I just wasn't sure I had it in me. I was afraid.

How does that old expression go? "He who dares, wins?"

I came here to win.

I sat next to him on the sofa and tapped his arm to get his attention (he was on his phone).

"Hello," he mumbled awkwardly.

"Hey, Ben," I responded with a bit of that same awkwardness. "So, can we talk?"

"I think we should."

"Great. Should we go somewhere private, or-"

"DINNER TIME!" Marian yelled from the kitchen. For such a soft-spoken lady, she sure knows how to yell.

Patching things up with my husband is going to have to wait a little while longer.

_

Ben and I exchanged glances all throughout dinner. I was glad. Non-verbal communication was better than NO communication. Frankly, I was rather pleased that I no longer had to avoid eye contact with him.

Eventually, dinner finished up. Ben, being the kind soul that he is, helped Marian with the dishes and the clearing up of the kitchen. I stood outside and watched him help his mother out, and eventually, even Paul came in to do his part. He turned on some music, and the three of them had a little dance party as they did the chores. Marian called me in to come join the fun, but I didn't want to intrude on a sweet family moment.

"Nonsense," Paul laughed. "Steph, you are family. Come join us, love."

Why did hearing him say that almost make me cry, damn it

Anyway, once we were done with all of that, Ben, who was in a much better mood, took my hand and guided me to a more private part of the house, away from his family's curious eyes and ears.

We found ourselves at the bottom of the back garden. It was a place filled with memories of simpler times in our relationship - barbecues, surprise birthday parties, lazy Sundays, and stolen kisses. The air was charged with unspoken words as we faced each other.

"Your parents are so nice."

"I agree," Ben smiled. "They're the best parents I've ever had, that's for sure."

I laughed quietly at that one. Partially because I just wanted to laugh, and partially because I didn't know what to say. Or maybe I did, but I was scared of saying it. I had a feeling of where it would lead the conversation, and I didn't want to go there.

But he who dares, wins.

I want to be that "he." Even though I'm a she.

"How have you been?"

"Much better now that I have these guys," Ben replied, gesturing to the house full of music and family noise. That sweet sound of comforting chaos.

"I can imagine. You look great!" I offered, trying to keep the conversation nice and light for as long as possible.

"So do you," Ben sighed, his tone inscrutable. "Although you don't need me to tell you that, I don't think."

I sighed, too. "Oh, Ben. I've missed you so much."

Ben raised an eyebrow. "Have you?"

"Of course! God, these past few weeks have been a nightmare without you. Did you really think I wasn't going to care at all when you left without a word?"

"I don't know, Steph. It's not like you need me all that much anymore. You have someone else to play with when you're lonely and bored."

I mean... ouch. But true.

"Ok... I deserved that."

"Look, Steph... nothing you do or say is going to change the way you've made me feel. I appreciate you coming all this way. I appreciate that you probably feel bad, and that you might want to make things right, but what you need to understand is-"

"I do! I do want to make things right!"

"Let me finish. It doesn't change anything. I don't need or want anything from you. No apologies, no nothing. All I need is time to move on."

Sounds simple enough. That doesn't mean I'm satisfied with that answer, though. There's a lot more that needs to be said.

"I need to give you an apology, Ben. Because you deserve it, and because after all the hurt I've caused, it's the least I can do. I'm so sorry. I messed up. I know that completely, and I take full responsibility for it. It's not your fault in any way, so I hope you don't feel like it is, even a little bit."

Ben was quiet for a while after I said that. "Steph," he began, "I need to understand. I need to know why."

I'm still searching for the answers to that question myself. "I don't know," I admitted to him. "I guess it was a way to unwind. Or forget about how stressed the investigation was making me."

Ben's face sank when he heard that. "You could've just talked to me about it," he said.

It's true. I could've. But the thing is, that's not really the reason. I don't know what the actual reason is, but it sure as hell ain't that.

"I have no idea. It didn't mean anything to me, Ben. It still doesn't. And neither does he. We've stopped seeing each other, by the way."

"That's great! Problem solved. Yippee."

"Ok, stop. I know that things aren't going to get better between us overnight, Ben. I can accept that. What I won't accept is your decision to give up on us."

"What do you mean?!"

"'I just need to move on'? Sounds like quitter talk to me."

"You quit on us first!"

"It's not a competition, Ben! You and I are married! Married. Do you know what that means?"

"I don't know. Do you?"

Another excellent question.

"Yeah. It means that when things get rough, you deal with things together. As a team. Instead of fucking off to the other side of the country to stay with mummy and daddy because your wife is hurting your feewings. Actually fighting for your relationship and actively trying to make it work, instead of being a damn baby about it. That's what it means."

"Oh, my God..."

A little harsh, I know. But the longer the conversation went on, the more I knew that this was going to take more than a simple apology or a gesture of kindness and love. This was a trust issue. Ben just doesn't trust me anymore. And much like Rome, trust can't be (re)built in a day.

The argument went on until it finally reached its peak, with both of us standing on the precipice of emotional exhaustion. Silence lingered, filled only by the echoes of harsh words exchanged in the confined space. That was it. We ran out of stuff to say. We were done.

Except... not really.

Suddenly, it was almost as if he and I were being drawn together by an invisible force. Our eyes locked in a moment of shared vulnerability, and the charged atmosphere shifted. The anger and hurt that had fueled our fight transformed into a different kind of intensity. I felt my breath getting caught in my throat as I gazed at him. I still couldn't quite read his expression, but I had a feeling he was thinking what I was thinking.

Without a word, without a conscious decision, our lips met in a desperate and passionate kiss. It was a collision of conflicting emotions, a fusion of anger, desire, and the lingering traces of love that had not completely faded.

It was a disjointed, chaotic dance, a paradoxical blend of frustration and longing. It spoke of a history shared, a connection that, despite its fractures, had not entirely disintegrated. At that moment, the outside world faded away, and the only reality that existed was the collision of two souls desperately seeking solace in each other.

It was so... weird. And random. And beautiful.

When we broke away from each other, our eyes met again, now clouded with a mixture of confusion and a hint of something deeper. Hope?

I've got to stop seeing everything as a sign of hope, man.

Anyways, later on in bed, we continued having this conversation. Sort of.

"This whole thing has completely destroyed what we have. I don't know if we can even put things back together... at least not the exact way it used to be. Things'll probably never be the same ever again."

I swallowed hard, the reality of his words sinking in. "I don't want it to be the same, Ben. I want it to be better. I want us to be better. And I believe we can make it better, too. Don't you?"

Ben's expression softened, a hint of vulnerability breaking through. "You don't even know what 'better' means right now, Steph. And neither do I. That's something that'll take a while to figure out."

"Yeah..." I agreed, sighing. "But that doesn't mean we can't try."

I mean, look at us. We're practically halfway there!

___

Book 2 is so dysfunctional, y'all. I'm just realising lol.

But yeah. This is a long one, but it's pretty packed. Hope you guys enjoyed it. Let me know your thoughts!

Also, who is your favourite member of Ben's family? I love his mum, personally <3

[bikepackinguk]

Day Twenty-eight

Whilst it's a rest day today, it's also been a good one and as it's now the four week mark, I thought an update would be warranted.

Didn't sleep much last night but a good lie down in a comfy bed is still very useful! And very nice to have an opportunity to charge up the electronics and not worry about battery usage for a while.

I enjoy staying in hostels as you often meet like minded folk, and here has not been an exception. I've had some lovely chats with folk here from around the world who really get the joy of journeying, some surprisingly nice political chats and rants, trading tales and upcoming plans and trips, tips on bothies coming up on my route, introduced to the lovely word 'stravaig', and other nice socialising that can be missed when on the road solo.

There's a quite socialistic mentality with many hostel dwellers, and it's a warming atmosphere to be around. I've been gifted some nice cereal for breakfast, have given away a good few cigarettes, received some awesome biscoff spread which I acquired some crumpets to spread it on and promptly share back, etc... environments like this are good for the soul and provide a bit more faith in humanity.

There were some chores to undertake today, and with luck one of the fine folk I'd been chatting with is another bikepacker about to undertake a wonderful tour around several countries, and was very familiar with the local bike shops. So I was gratefully taken down the road to Highland Bikes to be abke to pick up a couple of sets if fresh brake pads, and returned to get some much needed maintenance done.

The heavily worn brakes have now been swapped out and are nice and responsive once more, and took the opportunity to move the pannier rack to anew mounting point so that it was no longer relying on cable ties after the shorn bolt suffered back by Tentsmuir.

With the ride ready for tomorrow, it was time for a bit of laundry as most of my gear is a little pungent by now, and the hostel happily comes with a full laundry service to take that job off my hands.

With needed tasks discharged, it's time to get back to healing up! The body is evidently already on the mend as the major aches from the crash are already subsiding enough to notice the minor ones like some thorny splinters that had been missed from the encounter with the gorse bush.

Having no power issues I've been able to listen to some music as well, which I hadn't realised how much I've been missing. Being out in the world hearing the sound of the sea and the calls of the birds is beautiful, but I do love music and it's nice to have some tunes in the ears instead of just singing to myself as I ride along.

After the weather cleared up this afternoon I took a stroll up the River Ness to a patch of islands by the waterside for a sit and read in the sun. Another nice nostalgia moment for me, as I ran past here for the Loch Ness Marathon years ago and the park on the opposite bank is where the finish line was.

I'd made sure to have a wee dram for medicinal purposes after settling in last night, but have also grabbed a few beers to allow some proper R&R whilst sat in a very comfy leather armchair in the hostel common room this evening.

Bazpacker hostel definitely makes my list of spots I'd like to revisit another time, some pretty excellent facilities and accommodation as far as hostels go. I think the only possible thing missing is a shelter from the rain for smokers, but can't have everything!

Looking at the route tomorrow is equal parts exciting and daunting. But that's something we'll cover after tomorrow :)

In the meantime, I hope you're all having a pleasant Wednesday whilst I'm resting up. Until tomorrow!

[sentofight]

"I'd hope we meet under better circumstances. But I have a penchant for finding myself in... interesting situations." Perhaps it was a sight that a commoner could hug Lyn warmly as he does. But she has saved him once and he has been at her side to reunite her with her family and in turn a side of her that she was kept from. Markus held Lyn in his embrace as he gave her a warm smile. "Who knew that serving Lord Eliwood would have me right back around to you in someway. Glad that Lord Eliwood's forces arrived as we did and Florina guided the way." (Mark @ Lyn! Lyn reunites with her boy after a year!!! 😀)

To think she would get attached to someone; to someone who she barely knew if fate hadn't brought them together in a mysterious way. Lyn was sure she would remain secluded most of her life in the plains Not to mention Kent and Sain showing up to tell her that she could have another life other than being a nomad. Lady fate sure have an interesting way to steer people's lives around.

Lady fate may have her ways, but also leaves hope for reuniting who your heart years for. And to follow on her kind leads, rumors of a genius tactician strategizing plans for lord Eliwood caught her attention. It would be a lie if she didn't pray for every deity she knew that this person be the one she wants to see. Though at this moment, her hands were full to actually go check for herself when reinforcement came to their aid. But once again, lady fate decided to give her joy other than pain; she had spotted the man. Well, more like he had braved the battlefield to come as close as he can to see her without endangering his companions.

Green forest eyes lit up when she saw his figure from a far. Oh, how she wanted to rush and see him, alas, the battle is not yet won.

When things calmed down and the table turned in their favor, her forces were able to take a breather to allow Eliwood's men to advance and land the final blow. That allowed the Sacaen princess to fall back and meet up with her ... friend.

"Markus! Is that really you? I--I can't believe my eyes! It is really you!" no one could beat that beard and scruff look with a hint of aloofness. Of course, the embrace was not resisted one bit. In fact, she wrapped her arms around his figure as hard as she could (who to blame her when she thinks he might just take off if she let him go.) Ah, yes ... she misses this smell. Would it be bad that perhaps what Hector called her once--a hound, was slightly true? His smell is unique--old books pages, a hint of his handcrafted ink scent, not to mention a subtle familiar fragrance.. heh Sacean plains... perhaps the last one is more mentally itched more than being real.

"Y-yes, it is...heh..." pull it together, Lyn. Tears are not suited now, a smile is better. "I am glad, too. Florina did good by leading you back here to me--I mean, to us, ahem, yes. The battle would've been weighted heavily on everyone had it not for Eliwood's forces...yes." ooh!!! How embarrassing! What was she saying!? Hope she didn't make things awkward ...

varus treating my muses good | @amalanexus

[flowergrownbeyondthestone]

Sometimes I feel like we can get so good at almost fetishizing our sadness. In a way I guess I've been doing it for a long time as well. Traumas turn into jokes, depression turns into memes and dreaming about dying is something you can just casually throw into a conversation while your other depressed friend laughs with you and says how much they relate. I guess sometimes a bit of humor is necessary to deal with tough things, but once it becomes the main way of coping it's just really not good. I've gotten so good at jokingly talking about every traumatic experience and terrifying thought that I've been completely dissociated from my feelings. Talking about things is not enough if we can't actually feel them and process them. Wishing something hadn't happened doesn't mean it didn't. I used to say how certain things just don't affect me much, how it's not that much of a big deal to me, even if from the outside it seemed like it should have been. Now I don't think any of it was really true. I was just really good at pushing all these feelings away in fear of becoming too overwhelmed. The more explosive I became internally and externally, the more I was actually running from myself and what I was actually feeling. I'd either become numb or destructive in one way or another, thinking it was just my emotions being too small or too big. Now it seems more like a facade. I wasn't aware of it, but I guess deep down I was just deadly terrified. Of myself, of how I'd be perceived by people around me if I just let myself feel and express it. I know I've been conditioned to think this way, constantly being made to feel like there is something wrong with me, my feelings or expressions, despite the fact that they were in fact completely normal. Now I'm just relearning how to actually let myself feel, whether it's joy, sadness, anger or grief or anything in between. I no longer really feel like joking about being depressed or death. I don't think trauma is funny. Neither is struggling beyond comprehension. When we are just trying to survive we grasp onto anything that can keep us afloat, but now I want to be actually living, not just surviving. That means doing a little happy jumpy dance when I'm excited about something. Crying for an hour before falling asleep and holding myself through it, because what I'd gone through was rough, but my future can be better. Punching a pillow to get the righteous anger out. Learning how to feel less shame and more compassion. Allowing myself to make mistakes. Acknowledging things I'd done wrong and knowing I can learn from it and do better. Being afraid and believing I'll be okay, no matter what happens. Being.

[scarletooyoroi]

Special Delivery! A package has been left for Thoma from Komaniya Express, with a very distinct and perfect pawprint on the box!

Inside is a box that's wrapped perfectly in red paper and has a red bow on top that looks like flames. Upon unwrapping it, placed inside are a set of wristbands, crafted from the finest leather, and lined with soft cotton so they don't chafe. Embossed on the leather is a pattern that is very Sumeran in design and imprinted with an infusion of gold and red leaf, pressed so firmly that not even the most intense wear and tear could cause it to flake or peel off.

Of course, Dehya is right beside Thoma as he opens the gift, a smile on her lips. She could have given it to him herself, but she thought this was cute. After opening the box, she leans over to press a kiss against his cheek. "Love you."

Huh. Did he have a delivered operating at this time? Plucking the box from the patio section of his abode, it's quickly brought in before the raining snowfall outside could claim another hidden treasure.

Seeing who it's addressed to on top of that no less, it made his nose wriggle in his thought as he pondered who the sender could've been. It really hadn't dawned just yet from the packaging contents itself. "Dehya! Just one second, I got myself a lil something here.. Something I don't remember." He murmurs the last bit softly, taking extra care to undo the ornate looking ribbon before allowing the paper to be swiftly defeated through his dexterous hands.

A soft gasp escapes once the sheer love tucked into the design work meets his eyes. Shifting his pace in record time over to a nearby table, he drops the packaging in order to survey the genuine gift in itself. From an initial glance it shows how much he's known in their mind. Work that involves his hands, that would put his wrist in perils for future aches, sprains or even worst possibilities were a given. To see these wristbands gleaming underneath the magical flame that stirred their lamp light was a treat for the eyes.

Thoma didn't even realize his growing smile as he flipped them over, those jade eyes roaming upon every minute detail of the working craftsmanship. A certain someone must've seen the way his very energy comfortably glows with joy, since her arrival followed by that peck on the cheek immediately startled him with a flushed sense of awareness.

"Y--"

Love you.

Somehow, there was an ancient magic vested within those words that bring him pause. To truly angle the gift back to the table and peer towards his wonderful lady. "Never had a clue the entire time either.. You're used to a measure of gift giving, aren't you?"

"Dehya, thank you for this." It was a sentiment that's drawn from the bottom of his heart. As the wristbands are carefully settled onto the table for the time, the much more important matter would be drawn into his hands. Gloveless hands adjusting upon her hips before he leans in, tenderly kissing upon those fair lips, savoring the cinnamon like warmth as Teyvat's history would record another instance of joy. Shortly held, he eases apart from it, allowing his forehead to keep comfortably settled against her's.

"I love you too."

@cybrvce

[melapisdeagros]

So Vivziepop just posted a new song, and one of my friends mentioned that they liked Helluva Boss and was surprised that I liked it too (which is somewhat fair; it's a little out of my usual range, but cmon, just because I don't want THEIR brand of weird stuff honest mean I don't like SOME bizarre stuff - I'm friends with them for crying out loud). And I always listen to them info dump about whatever play through, manga, video game quest, or kin characters cause I want to be a good friend. No one ever heard me info dump about this sorta stuff (mainly cause I would little rather kill myself than amidst half the shit I'm into, let alone the detail level I know about it). I always try to be as into it as I can, right??? Like, I don't actually find this shit exciting or fun or see any point in being into it. Still, IF MY FRIEND LIEKS BY God, I'm GONNA LISTEN AND MAKE INTERESTED NOISES AND ACKNOWLEDGE AND ENCOURAGE THEM IN THEIR EMOTIONALISM OVER IT CAUSE I GET IT!! And I rarely (even still) offer any of my content or info dumps (and believe me, I could go for days) because I'm still lingeringly embarrassed and have the lifelong instinct to hide my interest, hide the things that really make me happy, cause people will either mock it or disparage it or just not be entered or care enough. It's all so fucking stupid anyway. And getting shut down HURTS. So I just don't offer anything in return, which makes all my relationships unbalanced, and I get frustrated. Long story short, I tried telling them about the song, but they were tired from a concert, and then I tried showing them again, and they said they hadn't been that into Helluva Boss in a while and they "didn't care, I sorry." MOTHERFUCKER YOU THINK I CARE ABOUT HALF THE SHIT YOU SHOW ME???!!!! NOOO. NONONONONON. NO SIR, NO MA'AM, NO HUMAN. I DON'T GIVE A SINGULAR FLYING FUCK ABOUT YOUR WRITING CHAINS, OR YOUR MINECRAFT PLAYTHROUGH, OR ROLEPLAY EGG DADDIES, OR SPLATOON, OR MIKU, OR HOMESTUCK, OR ANY OF IT. IT'S DUMB AS SHIT, AND SO FAR FROM MY INTEREST, I'm HONESTLY SHOCKED WE'RE FRIENDS. YOU MENTIONED BEING SLIGHTLY INTO A THING I LIKE, BUT WHENEVER I TRY TO TALK ABOUT IT WITH YOU, YOU DON'T WANNA. Harry Potter? You hate it now. PJO? You seem to be over it in that you've gleaned every bit of literary knowledge and now consider it childish. Helluva Boss? Paternity, you're so over it. You said my actual nightmare sentence. Don't you care about what I'm showing you? That's fine. I do watch what you show me. But at least I try. I let you talk to me for hours; I allow you to share your interests, listen to your music, and watch the animations you show me. Because I want to be a good friend and try to enjoy the things that bring you joy. Wish you could do the same fucking thing for me once in a goddamn while.

[queenscharacters]

"He said it wouldn't be proper but I think he just did want me.../doesn't/ want me..." Haven to Jude (sad smile, little shrug, nbd sad face)

"Your stepdad is a fucking moron." Jude said before he could filter his thoughts, the disgust clear in his voice. He was a pretty mellow dude all things considering, but right now? He felt borderline murderous. Haven sounded, and looked, so impossibly small. Like she was expecting him to nod in understanding, like he could possibly see some truth in her stepfather's blasphemy. Even if she tried to sound nonchalant, he could see the pain in her expression.

"Anyone would be lucky to have you in their family. Any sane person would want you to join theirs." He met her eyes as he spoke. He didn't want her to miss the intensity behind them; how he was was so earnest in his words. Jude was trying to be less conspicuous about his feelings for her, out of sheer fear he was making things weird, but he doubted anyone else in Haven's life was as explicit about the joy she brought them. The thought alone made him sick.

He remembered the first time he saw her. Jude wished he wasn't he cliche and could say that he hadn't fallen head over heels immediately. He had. Or rather, he had found her beautiful from the first time he noticed her. And, fuck, Jude wished he had noticed just a bit more. Maybe if he had, he would've realized she was more than the girl he put on a pedestal. It didn't bother him that she wasn't as perfect as he once thought, but it absolutely devastated him to think of all the suffering she endured by herself because no one else knew better. He really should've.

Hell, Haven told him that she wasn't dating Trace, so what did he really have to lose? He knew this wasn't the right time to bring up his feelings, but he knew he could pull her into him and hold her tight. He even pressed his lips to the top of her head a few times, allowing both of them to get comfortable beside each other a few times.

"Fuck what he thinks." Jude almost spat, shaking his head, "I already consider myself lucky to hang out with you as often as I do, but to have even more time with you?" He grinned down at her. "I definitely make sure you feel as special as you've already made me feel."

[dabisqueen]

The Captured Pt.3

Shigaraki x Reader x Dabi

⇢ rating: 18+

⇢ word count: roughly 4K

⇢ plot: Being held hostage at the LOV HQ, you are Shigarakis "spoils", but can't help falling for Dabi. This makes for a troublesome situation.

⇢ warnings: 18+, noncon, rape, mean Shiggy, soft Dabi, blood, cum, creampie, smut, alcohol, force, vaginal sex, oral sex (male receiving), orgasm, threatening of quirk use

⇢ NO MINORS ALLOWED!!!

personal note: where do i start. it got longer than anticipated so there will also be a part 4! geez... ok, this one i still had a hard time writing the plot and its twist. but i think it will all come together nicely in the end.

Pt.2 / Pt.4

----------------------------------

Time passed as I got accustomed to my new situation. I knew by now I was never going to have my old life back, never going to get free. To the outside, I was missing, probably dead and I felt like I was not the girl I used to be - and would probably never be. I had unknowingly become part of the League, but I actually liked it. Dabi's room had become mine, even Shigaraki didn't mind about it, for Dabi slept most of the time on the couch in the lounge. The tight work schedule of the League made it impossible to find time for each other and Shigaraki, being completely engulfed in his leadership goals, hadn't come up to me either.

One evening most members were out and I was left alone with Toga supervising me. We were at the bar, I had been drinking a couple of gin tonics as we were stuck in conversation. Toga suddenly had her elbows on the table and leaned in so close I could feel her breath on my face. She chirped with her happiest voice “Forgot to tell you: got a special date today. Can you help me get pretty, please?” she grinned at me with an eager mewl, eyes almost squinting.

I sighed, “Ok, but no sticking knives in me, got that?” She crossed her heart and grinned “Promise!”

Squealing with joy she grabbed my hand and guided me to her room. Once there, she retrieved a bag from the bathroom, stuffed with all sorts of makeup. Sitting her down in a chair, I knelt in front of her and grabbed an eyeliner, unscrewing the top. She shivered in excitement, all the while licking her lips, eyeing me with a mischievous glint in her eyes. Turning towards her, I started applying the makeup on her, faces only inches away from each other. I noticed her excited hot breath fanning my face, smelling like bubblegum.

"So, uhm, who's your date?“ I questioned, hovering in front of her.

Before I knew it she grabbed my hand and pulled me towards her, her soft warm lips locking with mine. I was frozen in surprise as she pulled back and whispered “You…” and then I felt a sting in my fingertip. I jolted away from her, looking down at my finger. Blood started oozing out of a hole in the tip of my finger, slowly running down my finger.

“Fuck, Toga!” I yelled at her, while she giggled and wiggled a large syringe needle in her hand, “No knife, see?”

“Brat!” I spat out, staring at her, stunned. There was an awkward moment of silence between us as the blood started dripping on the floor.

“Please, just one lick?” She begged, eyes gleaming with pure desire, a smile like a thousand volts in her face as she kept licking her lips.

“Geez Toga...” I mumbled as I suddenly felt the alcohol kick in while the adrenaline wore off. Without any time to react, she grabbed my finger and pulled it towards her mouth. Her tongue came out and, sliding it up, she collected all the blood on it. I gasped as she closed her plush warm lips around my finger, cheeks hollowing as she started sucking on it. Her eyes narrowed, as she kept relentlessly pulling the blood out of my finger. With a plop, she released it, my red juice pooling rapidly on the tip from the suction and she opened her mouth. Dark red, thick fluid covered her tongue, puddling around it. I felt nausea creeping up inside me as she closed her eyes, swirling it around in her mouth before visibly swallowing it. She opened her mouth again, now empty, and grinned sharp and wide.

“You're sick,” I groaned as I staggered off to the door on wobbly legs.

Toga kept calling after me "Awhh… that wasn't that bad! Please stay!"

But I ignored her and continued on to Dabi's room. Nausea kept stirring my insides as I stumbled into it, ripping open the bathroom door and convulsing over the toilet, vomiting into it. As nausea finally subsided, I leaned back, feeling heavy with foreboding rumbling deep inside my core as I hung my head and cried.

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Shigaraki had been out with the other members to meet another villain group to potentially join forces. The evening had stretched itself out, I had been left alone for the first time. I sat in the lounge and played with some cards, getting myself a drink once in a while.

Out of the corner of my eye, I saw the familiar purple warp gates opening and each member, one by one, appeared through it. At least I thought so. As Shigaraki passed through the gate, covered in his hands, I could feel something was off. He was fuming with anger, his whole body shaking, while everyone else seemed in a gloomy mood, hurrying to shuffle out of his way. He stomped to the bar, hissing and cursing, as Kurogiri almost flew behind the counter to pour him a whiskey. He grabbed it, lifted "Father" for a moment and chugged it in one go. Still ranting to himself his glaring red eyes darted across the room as if he was looking for something. Finally, his crazed gaze fell upon me, his eyes narrowing.

"You..." he glared at me across the room.

Everyone went silent, all eyes on me.

Shigaraki slowly approached me, his hand stretched out as he rasped an undeniable order "My room, now."

My eyes widened with fear, I stumbled to my feet, tripping backward against the chairs,

"N- no, please…" I stuttered out, shaking my head frantically.

"I said my room," his voice was even more chilling than before. As I still didn't respond, he darted towards me. With no time to react, he grabbed my wrist and jerked me with him towards the door. I stumbled after him, protesting, tears starting to well in my eyes as I looked over my shoulders.

Everyone stood unmoved, no one had the guts to speak up. Toga even wiggled her fingers after me with a sheepish grin on her face. And then my eyes found Dabi’s. His face placid, he watched me being pulled out of the room. His behavior felt treacherous, I was hurt, lost as I pleaded "Dabi please help!" but all he did was avert his eyes and then he disappeared out of sight as Shigaraki coached me through the door into the hallway.

Being dragged after him, I stumbled a few times trying to keep up with his pace. Once at his room, he kicked his door open and yanked me inside, having me lose my footing and fall to the floor on all fourths. He slammed the door shut behind me and rasped "Undress."

“N- No, I won't!” I shook, scrambling to my feet.

"You're testing my patience, little Spoils," he hissed, approaching me with five fingers pointing at me.

I felt the built-up anger inside me bubble up and couldn't contain myself anymore. If he were to dust me, then be it! “Fine, jerk!” I yelled at him, aware of the danger I was getting myself into by saying that. Hands shaking I fumbled on my button and zipper, slowly pulling down my pants. Shigaraki ignored my harsh tone though and turned towards a dresser on the side. Not leaving me out of his sight he one by one unhinged the hands off of him and placed them neatly into a drawer.

As I stood only in my underwear in the middle of the room, he strode towards me and grabbed my wrist. Ignoring my loud protests he pulled me towards the bed and pushed me belly down onto it. I cringed when he pried open my legs, kneeling between them. The rustling of his pants being undone was accompanied by my pleas not to hurt me again. But he kept ignoring me, prodding one finger inside, slowly gliding in and out.

"So hot for me…" he snarled, red eyes glowing with excitement, as he licked his dry lips.

"Shigaraki, don't make me fucking bleed again!" I cried out, lifting my arms, trying to prop myself up. But his right hand grabbed the back of my head and pressed it down into the sheets.

"Shut up!" His voice full of irritation.

My complaints were muffled by the sheets as he prodded himself at my entrance, pushing my panties aside. His left hand pressed against my back, thumb curled in, pinning my body against the mattress as he sheathed himself inside me with one strong thrust. I wailed into the sheets at his forceful intrusion.

The stretch from his girth was still unbearable. I groaned as he started pumping himself into me, letting out angry huffs as he kept muttering fucking yakuza… fuckin' brat… should have dusted him… I whimpered into the sheets as he continued pounding into me. By the time he came, I felt that dull pain in my core again and anger almost boiled over inside me. As he caught his breath and pulled out, reaching for his pants, I jerked around and yelled at him "Fuck, Shigaraki, you need to stop doing that!” I almost cried, “Can't keep on hurting me like that, if you call yourself the 'boss' around here!" He growled at my outburst but before he could react I pushed him aside, his eyes glinting with surprise, grabbed my clothes and stumbled out of the room.

Ignoring the dull pain in my core and the hot fluids dripping down my legs, I started staggering down the hallway. As I got closer to the stairs, I saw a familiar figure standing at the end of the hallway, resting against the wall. Dabi looked at me with an unmoving expression in his cerulean eyes. I didn't even stop, just pushed past him as I continued my way to the stairs. He followed me and held out his hand, rumbling lowly, a bit abashed “Here, lemme help" as I swayed a bit. But I swapped it away in anger and growled at him "Don't you dare touch me, " as I continued my way up to his room, leaving him standing deserted in the hallway.

I went straight to the bathroom, got undressed and took a shower, washing all the smut off me. I sank to the floor as an uncontrolled flow of tears started mixing with the hot water running down my face.

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Life went on as usual in the headquarters. The League was out a lot, recruiting more, doing some successful quests, that the news later on talked about, as we all watched TV at the lounge bar. Their increased activity had me spare more intimate time with Shigaraki and Dabi. It was a much-needed break, giving me the possibility to cope with my new life, trying to figure out how I could fit into it. As for Dabi, I distanced myself from him, avoiding him whenever possible. I needed time, thinking about his obscurr attitude towards me in the past. So whenever he entered the lounge, I usually sat down at Shigaraki’s side or scooted off to the furthest corner. When we met in the hallway, I avoided eye contact, looking straight ahead and just passed by.

Dabi became increasingly on edge by my behavior. He didn't know how to cope with my anger. His irritation showed in his increased aggressiveness, repeatedly snapping at the other members. Everyone started being on edge with him, even more than they used to do. Toga kept complaining to me about his erratic behavior and repeated outbursts. Not as if that was anything unusual, but it had become more frequent. Even though I tried avoiding him, he somehow managed to be a constant presence in my periphery. He hung around to just watch me, reclining back in his chair looking half-asleep and completely disinterested, but I could see how he was constantly shooting me glances. During meetings in the lounge, he leaned against the wall, arms crossed in front of his chest and kept watching me with those unmoving ice blue eyes.

Despite those troubling circumstances, I started to get accustomed to the rest of the members. I grew really fond of Spinner and Twice, even Kurogiri became sort of a father figure for me with his constant concern over us. Toga was still an annoying crazy little brat who never missed a chance to draw blood from me, but I started thinking of her as the younger sister I never had. Whenever she kept asking for cuddles I couldn't help but give in to her, wrapping my arms around her, while she gave me an almost bruising hug back, snuggling into me and calling me her “Big Sis.”

Shigaraki - he turned out to be a handful. After I had lost my temper with him that one night, he seemed a bit apprehensive around me. He started fiddling with his fingers and phone when I was close, shooting me nervous glances. He kept looking at me with his burning red eyes, intrigued, curious as to what I was doing. Whenever there was a meeting or we just sat at the bbar he demanded me to be next to him. He snickered when he saw me snapping at Dabi. Whenever I huddled over to the other members, conversing and laughing with them, he kept eyeing me with interest.

Dabi on the other hand grew more agitated the closer Shigaraki kept me by his side, disagreeing during meetings, ignoring certain commands, just being more of his usual asshole-self towards him. And that didn't go unnoticed by Shigaraki, as he kept getting more aggrivated by his behavior.

It was one of those days they had been out again for recruitment and after they returned through the portals back into the lounge, Shigaraki turned towards me.

“Sit with me,” he rasped dryly as usual and slumped down at the bar. I reluctantly joined him, noticing that he seemed pretty agitated.

On the other side of the bar, Dabis had slouched down on a stool, whiskey in his hand, half-lidded eyes staking nonchalantly at me. Toga pranced over, leaning into me, purring and letting me stroke her hair. Even though no one said anything, there was an unspoken tension in the air. I looked at Shigaraki from the side, trying to figure out what was going on.

“What are you staring at,” he scowled irritably.

“Just seeing what mood you're in.” I shrugged.

He didn't react, as his eyes went up to Kurogishi to order us a drink. As the evening continued, we drank in silence but I couldn't shrug off the feeling that something was off between him and Dabi. They had not spoken a word since they came back. I was a bit tipsy, as Kurogiri kept placing drinks in front of me on behalf of Shigaraki. The tension-filled air, the weird vibes between the members made me feel uncomfortable and a heavy weight started suffocating me. Unexpectedly, all the stress and frustration, all the hurt and heartache of those last weeks, months of living in this place, came crashing down on me. It had been too much, too much of everything. Tears started glistening in my eyes as I felt every nerve in my body vibrate with feverish exhilaration, like strings singing with tension, ready to snap any moment. And that moment came sooner than I expected.

As Mr. Compress, a new member, approached Shigaraki, calling him “boss”, that certain something snapped inside me. The way Shigaraki had been handling me in his room was beyond “boss”-behavior and had left a sour taste in my mouth. I was barely able to suppress a giggle pressing itself up my throat. Shigaraki shot me an annoyed glance and Dabi cocked his head, honest concern starting to mix in with his usual bored expression. As they kept continuing the conversation, I couldn't control myself anymore and kept giggling every time I heard that specific word, a laughing fit slowly but surely starting to build up inside of me. Shigaraki grew increasingly annoyed by my behavior, his body started to tense, his idle hand curved into a fist and his leg nervously bouncing up and down. Once in a while his hand shot up so scratch his neck, until I could see small red patches. At one point I totally lost it, snorting, choking on my drink, not being able to suppress the frantic giggles creeping up, tears threatening to roll down my cheeks.

There was a wet splattering sound and I looked up to see Shigaraki, who clutched the remnants of his glass with all five of his fingers. What was left of it kept disappearing, turning into dust and the whiskey inside had splashed all over the counter. All heads jerked up as the scene unraveled before them.

He was shaking, face hidden behind his white messy hair as his lips parted and he breathed out in a low scratch, warning tone “Do you have a problem?"

I swallowed down my giggles, still nervous. I realized I had crossed a line and there was no way out for me.

His red crimson eyes shot up at me, his voice now trembling with rage, "I asked, if you have a problem!”

I fumbled with my fingers, which started to get sweaty and sticky. "I- I’m sorry… boss” and my body started shaking again with laughter, too exhausted from the last weeks straining experiences to care.

Shigaraki slowly slid off his stool and I watched him approach in horror, still sobbing with frantic uncontrollable giggles. So fast I couldn't even react, his hand shot up and wrapped around my throat, pinkie hovering dangerously close to my skin. He leaned forward into my face, red eyes burning into mine. I could smell his breath, induced with alcohol as he rasped out "I think I need to fuck those giggles out of you and show you who the boss is. Don't you think, little Spoils?" And with that he pulled me off the stool, my hands cutching his wrist, that was still grabbing my throat. I kept apologizing, pleading with him to let me go as suddenly a low growl emenated through the room "Stop touching her."

Shigaraki stopped dead in his tracks, still clutching my throat. Silence spread through the room like before an upcoming storm, and it had the hair at the back of my neck stand on end. Kurogiri nonchalantly turned off the TV and moved closer, ready to step in if necessary.

“Get your fucking hands off her,” Dabi growled again more viciously from where he slid off the stool at the bar, “She's not going anywhere.”

Shigaraki turned around slowly, staring at Dabi. "Oh, is that so?” I was stunned by Dabi's behavior as I tried to loosen Shigaraki's grip on my throat and was finally released. I gasped for air, trying to catch my breath, stumbling a few feet away.

“Are you gonna fight me?” Shigaraki rasped dryly, turning his attention towards Dabi, who hissed back, teeth exposed in a vicious smile. “I might, jackass."

"Over some spoils?" Shigaraki raised an eyebrow.

Dabi looked at him and I could see all the rage and frustration that built up over me, bubbling just beneath the surface for the last weeks, erupting at that moment. He let out a low rumbling sound, eyes burning with anger now, "She's no spoils, she’s my girl."

Shigaraki seemed to weigh up something, tilting his head. My heart was pounding out of my chest now, I had never seen Shigaraki this eerily calm before. His eyes moved between Dabi and me, his voice raspy and cold when he finally spoke, sending shivers up my spine. "Oh- I understand... You've been fucking her," he snarled and then it all happened very fast. A blur of movement, Shigaraki jumped towards Dabi with one swift move, hand stretched out, ready to strike. Dabi simultaniously shot his arm up, blue flames ready to shoot out of his palm, the smell of kindling suddenly suffocatingly strong. They were on a collision course and someone was about to die. Kurogiri was ready to step in but before he could I heard myself cry out “Stop!" Both villains froze, standing right across from each other, red orbs gleaming viciously at cold cerulean eyes - and that's when I realized what I had to do.

I moved before I thought, wound myself in between those outstretched arms, careful not to touch either of them. I winced at the heat of Dabi’s flames only inches away from me, Shigaraki's hand almost touching my face. Every muscle tense, I stared into Shigaraki's gleaming eyes and watched his hand tremble. The entire room held their breath as the other members watched the scene in front of them unravel.

"Shigaraki," my voice shaking, “please stop," His eyes narrowed and glared at me between tufts of pale hair.

"Why should I, Spoils?" he sneered coldly.

“Because there is no need to fight. I will go with you.” I said resolutely.

I heard Dabi hissing a growl behind me, blue flames pulsating and gushing with each of his heavy breaths.

Shigaraki stood unmoving, his eyes taking me in, visibly contemplating. Then his lips curled up and he let out a scratchy snicker, looking up at Dabi. "Ok, but I am only doing this to teach that sorry ass of a patchface over there a lesson - for having fucked you," he grinned wide.

"No," Dabi growled at me, desperation weaved into his voice. His eyes shot at his boss behind me and back to me. I turned around towards blue flickering lights licking at me, determination in my voice, leaving no place for arguments “Dabi, I am going with him."

His eyes froze at those words. For a split second, I could see his facade sway, turmoil flickering in his mesmerizing eyes, but he composed himself again, same cold expression on his face again.

"You're faking… " he snarled, staring at me.

Not saying a word, I stepped backward until I was leaning against Shigarakis body, feeling his hot breath against my ear, his chest rise and fall with each tensed breath. Red bloodshed eyes bore into cerulean ones as Shigaraki stared at him from behind my back, arm still outstretched. Dabi gritted his teeth as Shigaraki’s chapped lips stretched into a wide, eerie smile. He placed his free hand around my throat, pinkie raised as he tilted my head to the side and licked slowly along my pulse, never averting his eyes from Dabi. Agonizing seconds passed as he stared at Shigaraki, then at me. I was frozen, pinned in place by the heavy judgment written in his face. But then he backed down, blue flames dying as he lowered his hand, averting his eyes with a scowl. The gesture was small but there was an acknowledgment of defeat.

Shigaraki's lips curled up in a mock grin.

“Let’s go have some fun then,” he rasped lowly into my ear and pulled us towards the hallway.

Dabi watched us leave, a strained expression on his face. As soon as we were gone, he let out a feral scream, kicking chairs and tables out of his way. His hands started smoking, an eerie blue light dancing in his palms as he stared at the other villains with hurt anger, turned on his heel and stormed towards the exit. He crashed his boot against it and it flung open, hinges aching under the brute force. The last thing to see were the ragged edges of his coat as he disappeared into the dark of the night.

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Pt.4

@scruffymctee @sage-malf0y @undefined--person

[natswritingz]

Sexting next door / Sam x Reader

Note : This is my first fic in I don’t know how long, I tried my hardest so I really hope at least someone can enjoy this lol, also might be typos!

Words : 2.4k

Warnings : Sexting, exchanging pictures, dirty dirty talking, talk of oral/penetration/dry humping, swearing, lots of stuff.

The last week had been occupied with a hunt which ended with the three of you searching the woods for an old cemetery, laying all the buried souls to rest. Working with the Winchesters made the gigs easier. You found some joy in their presence, especially around Sammy.

You guys obviously had crushed on eachother, Sammy made the most moves while you took them as innocent jokes. You just didn't want to complicate anything for anyone.

You all had just got back to the motel, while the brothers shared a room like always, you got your own right next door. Your phone sat next to you as you pried off your dirt caked boots, hidden graveyards were something else. The device chimed with Sams assigned ringtone, you grabbed it in eagerness.

"You get settled in?"

You smiled at the text, he knew how to make you feel special even if it's a simple check in. You struggled with a response that sounded natural, typing then deleting, you finally wrote one and went with it.

"Yeah, just got the boots off lol"

"Are you getting anything good on the tv?"

"Nope, nothing"

That was a lie, you haven't even looked at the tv yet, but he didn't know that. You began unbuttoning your grimy top, feeling the cool air nip at your skin while the material still hung on your shoulders. You bit your lip as you typed another text to follow your previous one.

"Finally getting out of these clothes too"

You locked your phone quickly with embarrassment, you couldn't believe what you just sent. He was your friend, but the entire day he had been constantly flirting which made the temptation even harder to resist. The phone chimed after what felt like ages.

"Me too, I was able to get the shower first"

You read the text through squinted eyes, terrified to read his response with fully opened eyes. Your mind trailed to the image of him without anything on, the warm water running down his toned body, it made your heart race.

"Just about to get in"

You nervously pulled at your lip while intently watching the screen.

"Maybe I should hop in too, hot water sounds amazing right now"

"Do it, I'll keep you company ;)"

The wink confirmed it. He was leaving an opening for you to accept or decline before pursuing anything more.

"I'm taking off my clothes right now, what are you doing?"

"Turning the shower on, already undressed"

"I wish I could see that"

He opened it and hasn't responded in a while, you completely fucked it up. You cursed at yourself before seeing the tiny text bubble come up and disappear a few times until one finally came in.

"I wish I could see you take off those jeans, I could not stop staring at your ass today. All I wanted to do was pounce on you, you've been all I could think of."

You gulped at his message, this was would be your first time sexting, you were already loving it. You felt yourself getting excited at his message, reading it over and over. You pulled your shirt off the rest of the way.

"You were looking? That's very unprofessional of you, Sammy. If only I knew, I would've been 'accidentally' grinding against you all day."

Both of your tones suddenly changed, it wasn't the laid back no-period texts you normally exchanged, it was dirty and intriguing. You couldn't wait for him to respond.

"If you had done that, I don't think I would've been able to control myself."

"What would you have done? I would've loved to feel you press against my ass, I'm clenching my thighs just thinking about it."

"I would've pulled you into the nearest room and commanded you to grind against me until you came in your pretty panties."

You groaned at the thought, Sammy made dry humping sound hot, he could probably make any sexual act sound compelling.

"How do you know what panties I wear?"

You found yourself completely wrapped in texting back and forth you forgot about your plans to shower. Deciding to get comfortable, you leaned back onto the comforter. You were invested in where this was going, a shower could wait, unlike this.

"I've done your laundry and seen you in your undergarments before. I think I pretty much know everything about you, Y/N."

"I'm imaging my lace covered pussy grinding against your bulge covered by your boxers. It would feel so good to have you rub against me. I'd be soaking through my panties you could definitely see it dampening both our cloths."

You wanted to get dirtier so you tested the water, you wrote the first thing you thought of. It may have been a little too forward but your lust clouded all rational thinking.

"Jesus. My imagination might not be doing this scenario justice, I think we'd have to try it out next time we see eachother."

The elation in you grew with each suggestion.

"And when will that be?"

"If you keep it up, soon. Have you stripped yet?"

Sam was a great dom, he wanted everything to be in his control and you couldn't help but like it. You could trust him with control.

"I've been so busy with our little daydreams, I forgot I was even going to shower. Laying in bed still partially clothed."

"Take your pants off now, then give your ass a nice spank for me. Make it sting."

You followed his orders, placing the phone to your side as you lifted your hips to remove the jeans. You held the phone again as you flipped, now laying on your stomach, you used your free hand to rub on your cheek before giving it a sharp smack.

"Both are done, I'm thinking this might leave a mark?"

You raised your phone in a rush of confidence, snapping a photo of your ass and the handprint that reddened with time, attaching it to your message, and sending it without any hesitation. The mark was not as big as Sam could do and you dearly wished it was his hand instead.

"Fucking hell Y/N, I was not expecting that. You're making me want to come over right now to fuck you senseless."

"What do I do next? Still have my panties and bra on."

"Take your bra off baby girl, play with your nipples till they're both hard. Pinch them, flick them, be rough with it."

It was easy for you to follow his words, you found yourself loving his demands and dominance, you could keep following them for hours. You held yourself up with an elbow, you pinched the tip hard between your fingertips, rolling them slightly for more stimulation. You moaned with each uncoordinated flick.

"They're feeling so sensitive now."

You attached another picture, your tits in frame with your now erect and red nipples. After his reaction with the last one, you wanted to get more from him.

"So so perfect. Picture I'm there, sucking and biting on them. My warm breath fanning your soft skin. I want to make you feel good."

"You're making me feel good right now, I can't believe we're actually doing this."

"We can stop whenever you get uncomfortable, I want you to be good with all of this."

His message made you smile through the lust, he really did care about you. It wasn't the most ideal timing, but you could easily get worked back up again with his skills.

"Sorry, never wanna stop this <3"

You shook your head with a small laugh as you flirted.

"Good, me neither. You still have your panties on like a good girl?"

"Haven't taken them off yet, you haven't told me to."

"Sounds like someone's enjoying being bossed around, huh? What if I told you to suck me off, would you do it?"

"I'd let you throat fuck me. I want to gasp for my breath when you finally pull from my mouth."

"Your lips look perfect for my cock, I want to see them wrapped around me as I thrust into your mouth."

"I want you to be as rough as you can, Sammy."

You flipped over to your back once again, your hand dipping into your undies, rubbing soft circles over your clit as you awaited another message. You wanted to invite him over that instant but you had to resist the urge, sexting was fun and a good first step for the two of you.

"I've finally entered the shower, I'm stroking myself to the pictures you sent me. Kinda hard keeping the phone dry."

You laughed a little to yourself at the end of his message.

"Your turn?"

Not that your heart hadn't been pounding the entire time, your recent text made it even faster. You bit your lip in anticipation, you couldn't lie to yourself, you've always wondered what he was packing. And just like that, you revived a picture. Your jaw clenched at his size and width, you weren't entirely sure you'd be able to fit him if you ever got to doing this stuff in person. It was hot and impressive.

"How am I going to fit all of you? I don't think any amount of wetness would prepare me for you."

"We'll make it fit princess, I wanna see your warm pussy stretch around me. Fuuuck, I want you so bad Y/N."

"I want you bad too, maybe our next session can be face to face. I can't imagine how you'll make me feel when I have your hands on me instead of my own."

"You touching yourself right now? I don't remember telling you to stop playing with your tits."

"I couldn't take it anymore, I was aching for some relief."

That was true, your pussy throbbed for attention to the point it hurt to not touch yourself. No one else had this affect over you, making you soak through your lace like nothing.

"Fine, you can touch yourself as long as you don't cum until I allow you, and take it easy, I want you to enjoy this."

"Yes, Sammy."

You slowed down, rubbing slow circles on your aroused clit. Everything was heightened and sensitive, what was he doing to you?

"I'm touching myself, paced instead of rushed. I wish this was your hand. Not gonna lie, I constantly think of how good your large hands would feel on my body."

"Where?"

His response was immediate after he quickly read your message, considering what he told you just a little ago, you knew he was getting off to your little conversation.

"On my ass, in my pussy, around my throat. Even you holding my hands above my head or behind my back sounds like a pleasure. I want you to touch and explore every part of me."

The typing bubble appeared just as it did when he responded to every other text, this time you cut off his response with another one of your own, you wanted to get him really worked up.

"For future reference, I'd probably cum instantly with your tongue on my clit and your fingers in me as deep as they'd go."

You weren't a newbie when it came to sex, you knew what you wanted in the bedroom. Being a hunter and constantly hopping town to town, you had your occasional one night stand to release the stress that came with your job.

"Oh really? You want me buried in you while tasting you all at once? I can do that for you princess, I've been wanting to taste you. I'd eat you out till you came on my tongue then I'd make you kiss me, deep."

"You already know I'd return the favor."

You referred back to your message you sent not long ago about going down on him.

"We haven't even talked about getting to the main act and you've got me almost cumming. I had to slow my pace in order to not finish."

You smirked at his reply, biting your lip with a small groan as you still touched yourself. You were hoping you had the same effect on him that he had on you.

"Let's get onto the main act then. How'd you want to fuck me?"

"I can think of a few ways... But I most definitely want to see myself slide in and out of you. I want to enjoy every bit."

"Maybe my hands holding onto the back of my thighs while laying on my back? Everything would be on display."

"I could put your legs up on my shoulders and get really deep in you. Wouldn't that feel good?"

"I'd be seeing stars. And I would not be able to walk afterwards. Feeling you brush against my cervix repeatedly with your big cock, you're gonna fill me so good."

"Y/N you're gonna make me cum. Speed up."

With his permission, you started to rub faster. You moaned loudly, forgetting about anyone else in the seedy motel.

"Fuck, keep moaning."

You blushed in embarrassment, he could hear you from their rooms bathroom which definitely meant Dean could hear you, the strangers on the opposite side didn't concern you. You allowed yourself to moan with each lap, not holding back the cries. You went on for a minute before diverting your attention back to the phone.

"Imagine how much louder I'd be with you inside me."

"I've been thinking about all the noises you'd be making the entire time. You sound so hot. Are you close?"

"Yeah Sammy, I'm almost there."

Your breathing pattern became rapid and harsh, small wines escaping your lips as you played yourself to perfection.

"Beg for permission to cum."

You groaned at his response.

"Please let me cum, please Sam, I'm not sure I can hold it."

It was hard enough holding back your release but even harder to beg with one hand.

"You can cum baby, just cause you've been so good."

Your body released the tension, the relief rolling in as you came in your panties, finally. It hit you hard, your hips shaking as you moaned louder than earlier. You couldn't deny it, you never orgasmed like that when you were doing it solo.

"I couldn't help but finish to your moans"

His response was like his usual ones, not so formal and more playful. You could get used to seeing both sides regularly.

"We should do this more often, or try it in person, either one"

"I am 100% on board with that"

If for some reason you wanna be notified when I post a new fic, leave a comment to be tagged and your username will go here!

[miedemamadness]

Vivianne Miedema Helden Magazine Interview

You recently starred with Lieke Martens in a peanut butter commercial. Is a new career beckoning?

Viv - Laughing: “My acting wasn't very strong. It was way out of my comfort zone. Oh, those things are included. It's nice that boys and girls who are fans of ours see this on TV."

When you walk down the street in London, are you recognized?

Viv- “That's starting to come now, and it's mainly because I've kind of become the face of the English league. We regularly go to London with a few girls from the team. As a group we stand out a bit more anyway, of course we also look sporty. Then people can put a face to the name. But it is not as crazy in England as it is in the Netherlands.”

Do you think your fame limits your freedom?

Viv- “We were the first to shout: 'We want to make women's football big and known.' It comes with a price. I don't really like that attention, it still takes some getting used to after all these years. Last year I was back in Hoogeveen after the lockdown. I hadn't been to my parents' house for a long time. I went out for a night with my brother Lars and had a beer. Two minutes later it was on the internet. I couldn't play games for a holiday and six months because of corona, is it also allowed once… But yes, that's part of it. Fortunately, it is still not that bad in sports, artists are being monitored more closely. I don't have such an interesting life."

You have been playing for Arsenal for four years, are only 24 and already the all-time top scorer in England and of Orange.

Viv- Laughing: "They say you have to stop at your peak, right?"

You're not going to announce your retirement now, are you?

Viv- Laughing: “No, really.”

Are you someone who remembers every goal?

Viv- “I sometimes forget something because of the adrenaline. The list of goals is also getting longer, thankfully. When we were in lockdown last year because of corona and couldn't play football, I did look back on some special matches, such as those of the European Championship won in 2017 and the World Cup in 2019 when we reached the final. It's nice to see your own goals again."

Do you value those lists?

Viv- "It's not that I'm hugely into it, but I like being at the top of a few lists."

You have also been chosen as Player of the Year 2019 and Best Player of the Decade in England and included in FIFA's World Team of the Year 2019.

Viv- “I have some of those cups at home and a few at the club. It's definitely an honor to be named, don't get me wrong, but I play football because I want to win trophies with the team. I think it's more important that I have developed over the past few years and have not only been a scoring striker, but also showed myself as number 10."

Vivianne the mouthpiece

“I have an exemplary role when it comes to certain topics and I am not afraid to give my opinion to help women's football move forward. I've created the platform for that and I think I've earned the respect of being able to voice my opinion too."

Has that also become some kind of mission for you?

Viv - “I am now one of the most famous strikers in the world in women's football, so I also think I should stand up for what is happening in women's football. We are still so behind in men's football. We must fight for equality. It's not just about money, it's also about opportunities."

It was recently announced that the format of the Champions League is changing. There will be a group stage and the prize money has been increased to 24 million. A step in the right direction?

Viv- "Absolutely. The Champions League in women's football is big, but it wasn't what it should be. The club that currently wins the Champions League is even losing money. Hopefully, clubs will now also have something to do with it.”

Before the World Cup in Canada in 2015, you said in an interview in Helden: 'Hopefully parents will one day say: 'My daughter plays football like Vivianne, that seems very special, if that is ever said.' That is only six years old. ago.

Viv- “And that remains bizarre. I was only eighteen at the World Cup. Two years later we became European champions. In my day there was no figurehead in women's football. I looked at Arjen Robben, Wesley Sneijder and Robin van Persie, dreamed that I would stand between them in the field. Now we see girls say: 'I want to play football like Miedema or be like Shanice van de Sanden.' That is a super step. We all contributed to that.”

Every interview you give is about the development of women's football. Do you feel that it is enough about the successes?

Viv- “That development could go a bit faster, you know, then we don't have to talk about it anymore. But we should also consider our achievements. To be so successful with a small country that is relatively new in women's football is special.”

Vivianne the world improver

What does your ideal world look like?

Viv- “That boys and girls grow up in a world in which they are given the same opportunities. Not just in football, but in all of life. That is why I became an ambassador for War Child. There are also many musicians and artist ambassadors. Music brings a lot of joy to the world, but so does sports. Unfortunately I can't travel yet due to corona. Instead, I did a lot online; tried to set up projects with schools in the Netherlands and recorded films for children in distant countries. When life is somewhat back to normal, I also hope to be able to go to war countries and children.”

What do you want to mean for the world?

Viv- “I wish I could change the world, but I don't have that illusion. I have been so lucky in my life, had a great childhood in Hoogeveen. If I can give a little happiness back to children who are having a hard time, it's included. If I can improve a day in the lives of thirty kids by playing football with them so that they can forget for a moment that they are having a hard time, then my goal has already been achieved at that moment. A year and a half ago we were in a township in South Africa with the Orange Women. Every minute we were told by those children how wonderful they were that we were there. Such a day only increases my will to help.”

Where does that feeling of 'wanting to do good' come from?

Viv- “I already had that as a little girl. When I used to watch TV, I was drawn to social topics and my primary school in Hoogeveen worked together on various projects. When actions needed to be set up, I was the first to raise my hand to help. I also made sure that my old football uniforms ended up with poorer children in the Netherlands. I still do.

Every two months we receive five pairs of new football boots. Via Instagram I make sure that my old shoes end up with Dutch boys or girls or they are sent to a good cause via the club. Last year, our entire team's clothing went to children in Jakarta.”

Vivianne the sober Dutchman

You have been playing at Arsenal for four years. Your girlfriend Lisa Evans is Scottish and you study in English. Are you half English now?

Viv- “It's really not that I forget Dutch, that will never happen, but sometimes I make a sentence or I write something down and I think: Viv, what the hell are you doing? In fact, I often hear that I speak English with a Scottish accent. I hang out with the Scottish girls a lot, then you pick that up. I think Scotland is a great country; nature, the way of life and the people.”

And what about your Northern Dutch roots? You played for Heerenveen for three years and grew up in Hoogeveen, in Drenthe.

Viv- “I don't think it's very likely that I'll ever live there again. But the Netherlands has done many things well. So I'm not saying I'll never go back, but I don't think I'll go back to Hoogeveen. I did get the soberness from the Northern Netherlands. I will always keep that.”

You and Lisa have been together for years, and teammates for years. What makes your relationship so good?

Viv- “We played together for two years at Bayern Munich and now four years at Arsenal. We are complete opposites. That seems to work. I'm quite calm and I'm fine with moving in the background. The moment Lisa enters a room, everyone becomes happy and she transfers her happiness to other people. I can enjoy that immensely. She's also crazy. It just clicks between us. Lisa and I have been living together for a while. Some will think: how complicated that you are also on the team together. I don't think so. She makes me better every day. We are the two fastest in the team and I like that I can beat her in sprints every now and then. We develop each other both on and off the field.”

And you don't think: it is sometimes a lot of Lisa around me?

Viv- “Oh, of course you do. Go to the bedroom and keep your mouth shut, I think regularly. But that will also be the case the other way around. I'm actually quite apprehensive that I won't be seeing her for a long time during the Olympics. We are normally together 24 hours a day. But sometimes being away is also part of football.”

Vivianne the thinker

“I'm quite an overthinker in life. I was eighteen when I went to the 2015 World Cup in Canada. There was a ten hour time difference and I could barely make contact with home. I had a really hard time that tournament, I thought everything was terrible. But that tournament made me mature quickly in the football world. First I became big as a football player in the Netherlands, then in Europe and at the moment I am big in the world. I do feel the pressure that comes with that. I always used to think: I don't need a psychologist. But as I got older and started going through things, I realized I can't do it alone and I need help. People I can tell my story to. Football is certainly not always fun. There are definitely moments when I think: what am I doing all this for?

After that first World Cup, I also thought about quitting. If people can't appreciate you, what are you doing it for? I play football for myself, but also to make others happy. Top sport is beautiful, but also mentally very tough.”

Do you find your support mainly in family and friends?

Viv- “The friends I have outside of football are never going to fully understand what I'm going through. The same goes for my parents. My brother Lars also plays football, first at FC Den Bosch and since this year at Vélez C.F. in Spain. He knows what I'm going through, he helps me a lot. But sometimes others don't get it. When I'm at home, I really enjoy talking to my mother about things in life other than football.”

Is the top sport life ever too much for you?

Viv- “Last year's lockdown came at the right time for me. I spent five months with my in-laws in Scotland. I enjoyed not feeling pressure for a while. The first week I thought: what should I do with my life, I have nothing but football. But the second week I enjoyed doing other things; for walking and enjoying nature. And in the third week I felt free. I woke up and could be who I wanted to be, I didn't have to pay attention to anything.”

So that lockdown has been your salvation?

Viv- "Maybe. Before corona, there were nine girls at Arsenal who had to play all games because we had a lot of injuries. There was a lot of pressure on us. I was occasionally in training with tears in my eyes because I had to play football again.”

And how did you feel this season?

Viv- “We football players are in a privileged position, I am well aware of that. We were still allowed to play soccer, while many people couldn't leave their home because of corona. But the mental consequences for girls who could not or cannot go home should not be underestimated either. I have seen my parents once in the past few months, the time before that was in July last year. I didn't go home for Christmas either. Mentally, this has been the toughest season of my football career so far.”

You now hear many stories of athletes who end up in a burnout due to the high pressure and overcrowded schedules.

Viv- “I discussed that with Lisa. During her studies she is now learning about mental problems in sports. Depression is common in athletes. I have the idea that girls are open about mental problems among themselves. But bringing it out also goes a step further. Not that there is a taboo on it, but it immediately leaves a mark on you when you tell your story. Especially in men's football. There, players have to move in a certain box to be accepted. They don't feel the freedom to say: I don't feel okay for a while. I hope that in the coming years it will become normal for athletes to speak out about this and that we can help and support each other in this. When I was still playing for Bayern Munich, I studied psychology at university the first year. I couldn't combine that with football and I stopped, but it's still in my head to do something with that later. I would like to help young girls make the transformation from youth teams to first teams. When I was fourteen, I got into the premier league to play in the women's team who were 32. That wasn't always easy. Hopefully I can help young talents in this area.”

Vivianne De Feyenoord

Feyenoord announced that it will start with a women's team next season. When will we finally see you in that Feyenoord shirt, the club you are such a fan of?

Viv- “It's great that it's possible now. But I'm just a little too young. At Arsenal we have a number of girls who have the club running through their veins. I also think Arsenal is a great club to play for, but I don't feel that intense love. When Feyenoord came out with the news that they will play with a women's team in the Eredivisie next year, I suddenly felt that warm feeling inside. That feeling of club love, of: wow, there will come a day when I can play for this club, the club that I have always been a fan of. Feyenoord needs time to become as good as Ajax, PSV and Twente, but I have every confidence that it will succeed in the coming years. One day I will play for Feyenoord. But for now I can still be found abroad.”

Vivianne the trainer

"I am following the UEFA B training, but I am not allowed to give training now because I am not allowed to get out of my 'Arsenal bubble' because of corona."

You also study Football Business. What are your ambitions after your football career?

Viv- “I have already completed a number of trainer diplomas, a psychology course and I am now studying Football Business. A nice combination that will come in handy later on. In what way I don't know yet, but once I've stopped I'm sure I want to return to the football world after a break."

Is there a national coach in you, a 'Sarina Wiegman plus'?

Viv- Laughing: “We did talk about that. Also with Arjan Veurink, the assistant. Tactically, I assert myself, the staff and the team see that too. Jokes were certainly made: 'Stop searching, we already have Sarina's successor in house.' In women's football there are simply not many top coaches around. And yes, I might want to be one in the future.”

Talking about Sarina Wiegman: she will become England national coach after the Games and Mark Parsons will succeed her. Do you regret having to say goodbye to her?

Viv- “Under Sarina, we became European champions, we played a World Cup final and we are at the Games for the first time. But in the end I think a new impulse, a little refreshment, is good after five years of working together. I think Sarina will do very well as England coach. For her and hopefully for us, it will be a positive development. And of course we will miss her.”

But first to Tokyo.

Viv - “The Games have always been my big dream, even though the World Cup is a bigger tournament for us. Despite the fact that it will now look different than usual, I am very excited.”

Vivianne Miedema in Tokyo group matches

Wednesday 21 July Netherlands-Zambia from 13.00

Saturday 24 July Netherlands-Brazil from 13.00

Tuesday 27 July Netherlands-China from 13.30

Quarter-finals Friday 30 July

Semi-finals Monday 2 August

Battle for bronze Thursday 5 August Final Friday 6 August

[mossybank]

One Call Away — P. M.

Phone Sex with Peter Maximoff

GN!Reader

Warnings: sub!peter, masturbation, joi (male receiving)

A/N: What can I say except that I'm a slut for a certificate @whiiiiplaaaaash

It was late when Y/N got the call, 23:47 to be exact, and with the time being as it was, it was natural for them to worry about what would warrant a call at such an hour. Seeing the name, for a second Y/N saw red.

"Peter?" They asked, picking up quickly, a worried undertone to their voice, nerves only growing at the unsteady breathing that met their ear.

Those nerves however were quickly washed away once Peter spoke, "Y/N!" He was enthusiastic and breathed what sounded to be a sigh of relief, "I almost thought you wouldn't pick up."

Relaxing, Y/N sat up and rested against the beds headboard, they frowned slightly, "Is something wrong, baby?"

"No, uh.." Peter paused for a second and Y/N could hear the flustered tone that laced his words, "I just needed to hear your voice."

Y/N was familiar with that phrase and a sly smile made its way onto their face, "You're touching yourself, aren't you, Peter?" He didn't answer, but the way his breath hitched at Y/N's words was an answer enough, "You know you could be here in seconds, I'd happily help you."

Catching themself in the mirror on the other side of the room, Y/N checked themself out as they awaited Peters response, winking to their reflection and mouthing a 'looking good'.

"I can't, the professor has me on lockdown," Peter let's out an irritated sigh, "Practically grounded me like a kid.." He mutters under his breath with a whine, causing Y/N to chuckle.

"I guess I'll have to help you from here, huh?... How about I tell you what to do, would you like that puppy?" Y/N's grin grew larger, sliding down the headboard till they were laying down again, throwing the phone onto the pillow next to their head and setting it to speaker. Although they couldn't see Peter, they could vividly imagine him and all the little expressions he'd make.

Peter let out a hum in response, breath shuddering, "Please."

The Cheshire grin on Y/N's face widens, "Do as I say and don't lie to me, I'll know if you do, puppy, you're no good at keeping secrets."

On the other end, Peter let out a whine, he was absolutely desperate, Y/N didn't know but he'd been trying to get off for the past half hour and by now it was almost painful, he just prayed that Y/N was feeling generous tonight. Though generosity was a rare feeling that often came with difficulty, if Peter was going to cum tonight it wasn't going to be easy.

"Let's take it slow, okay? I know you've already been touching yourself so let go for now." Y/N instructs, Peters huffs before reluctantly removing his cock from his grasp, he'd hoped Y/N hadn't picked up on the defiance but it wasn't often they missed such things, " I want you to play with your nipples for me, is that okay baby?"

"Y/N, p—"

"Y/N?"

"... Master, please.. I'm already so desperate for you." Peter begs, voice cracking in a way it does only in his neediest of states.

Y/N bit their lip, rubbing their thighs together, "And I'll allow you release soon, my love," They say, much more tenderly than their other words, "But only if you follow my instructions like a good boy first."

After a moment without complaint from Peter, Y/N continued, "I want you to play with your nipples baby, you do such a good job with mine.. I know you won't be able to use you mouth on yourself but your fingers do some fine work too," praises are littered between their commands, reiterations of past events, with the knowledge that they'd motivate Peter, "I want you to feel as good as I can without being there with you, just start off light and work you way up.. I'll play with myself with you, if you'd like."

Peter hummed, a rather wordless 'please', as he began to do as Y/N asked.

"Use your words, baby."

"Yes, please.. I'd like that, master.." He says, a soft whimper on the 'master' which caused Y/N to bite their lip.

"You can start to move down, puppy." Though Y/N wanted to tease Peter for longer, they were somewhat selfish wanting to be able to touch themself without having to wait for Peter to start doing so too, "Just keep things simple for now, baby, up and down at a steady and slow pace."

Peter closes his eyes, a small moan escaping his lips as his hand reunited with his cock. He obeyed what Y/N said, flicking his wrist from the base to the tip, trying not to buck his hips and ruin the rhythm, knowing his luck Y/N would hear the bed creaking if he dared do that.

"You know when I jerk you off how I like to run my thumb over your tip, or run a finger along that one vein... Applying extra pressure to it? How about you go ahead and give that a try, and don't try to keep quiet, I know the walls can be thin but I hate to hear such pretty sounds being wasted into a pillow or arm... "

As Y/N spoke, their hand moved downwards to sneak under their pyjamas, Peter's sharp gasp as he did as told encouraging them.

"Good boy."

"Please, master, I just.." Peter paused to let out a groan, "I need more, I.. I need you.."

"Awe.. I know, baby, I want you too and you can have me all you'd like tomorrow, but for now this will have to make do... Are you doing as I say?"

About to hum, Peter stopped himself to answer properly, "Yes, God, yes I am."

"And that still isn't enough for you?" A strangled cry answers Y/N, "How greedy of you.. Well, I suppose I can think of something that might just tip you over the edge.."

Peter's head tipped back, closing his eyes in concentration as he continued to jerk himself off, thinking of what Y/N was to suggest, if it was the Polaroids he kept of them in his bedside table drawer those were already out and spread across his bed beside him, one taking home in his free hand.

"When you're being a brat, you do this thing.." Y/N starts, holding back moans as they spoke, "You like to be a tease and vibrate, as much as I scold you for it.. Fuck me, if it isn't one of the best feelings ever... Have you ever tried it yourself, baby?"

Peter thought for a second, sure when he first found out he could vibrate as a result of his super speed he'd thought about using it on himself an awful lot, he'd never actually tried it though. He shook his head, forgetting for a second that Y/N couldn't see him and then blushed at his momentary stupidity.

"No, Master."

"In that case, I think you know what i want you to do."

And he did, granted he hesitated, trying anything new was bound to be daunting but he'd done this before... Just not like this. A bright blush spread across Peter's face, gracing the tips of his ears as he thought of Y/N watching him right now and how much they'd love a sight such as this.

The sounds that came from the silver haired boy were like a sweet melody, granted the quality wasnt the best with a slight grain overlaying it, but to Y/N nothing sounded better.

Peter was practically fucking his vibrating hand at this point, a string of profanities leaving his mouth in want and tears brimming his eyes, but he didn't dare cum without permission.

"Having fun, puppy?" Y/N asked, the answer obvious, "We can have even more fun tomorrow, I haven't decided what we'll do yet but I'm sure that box in my wardrobe that you love so much will come out to play."

A high pitched whine made its way from the back of Peter's throat and Y/N could tell he was close.

"You know if you want to cum, baby, all you have to do is ask." They tell him, but it was rarely as simple as that.

"Uh-huh... Please," Peter paused, unable to speak between his moans, "Please can I cum."

"Do you think you deserve it?"

Peter's brows furrowed at the question but he answered it nevertheless, ".. Yes, master."

"Hmm, really? Then go ahead, sweet boy."

Whenever he came, Peter always made the same expression and it was a proper shame that Y/N couldn't see it now; his eyes shut tight, brows scrunched and jaw slack as he allowed release to wash over him. His chest heaved up and down, recovering and steadying his breath.

"Fuck, Y/N... God, thank you so much.." Peter forced out between breaths, "I know it's late, but I really needed that," He glanced at the clock absentmindedly, "I should probably go n—"

The silver haired boy was cut off by Y/N, "Not at all baby, do you really think that's it? I haven't cum yet, and for waking me up I want you to cum at least two more times!"

And there it was, the technicality Peter had neglected to think of when being allowed to cum so easily, but upset wasn't what he felt, rather he was filled with a joy and excitement soon ready to go again... Maybe this time on video call instead.

A/N: this feels quite different to what I've wrote before in the past and I'm honestly not the most confident with it, I'd love to revisit sub!Peter again another time with a topic I feel I may be better writing such as his first time or perhaps pegging... Let me know what you guys think though!

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[gamesbyalbie]

An Update

Hello! ☺️ Just wanted to explain a little bit about what's going on in my personal life and how it will be (/has been) affecting my productivity.

TLDR: On top of school starting back up, there are a few time, energy, and attention consuming things going on in my personal life that are eating up a good chunk of my free time. So, while I focus on addressing those and completing my game for the game jam, I'm gonna be putting my other projects (including Hades' Kitchen) on the backburner. Sorry about this, but, I promise, in three weeks HK will once again be my main creative focus. Hope you understand and will stick around! Thank you, I appreciate you and hope you're taking care of yourself. 💜

Now, if you want the full picture of what's going on, you can find that under the cut.

CW: Therapy, IOP (intensive outpatient care program), allusion to mental illness

So, as you might be guessing from the content warning, today I started an intensive outpatient care program. For those of you who don't know what an IOP is (as I didn't before last week) they're treatment and support programs designed to address different mental health concerns. As it's been explained to me, IOP is the stage between outpatient programs/standard therapy and residential care ("rehab")/hospitalization. The IOP I've started involves 14+ hours of group/individual therapy a week for (on average) 4-6 weeks.

To anyone reading this (wow, thank you), I want to assure you that I'm okay. I'm not in a dangerous place. I'm actually in the best place I've been for a long time. Seeking help and opening up to people have never been easy for me and I wouldn't have taken this step now if someone hadn't recently told me: "If you derive joy from helping others, don't deny others the potential joy of knowing they've helped you..." (...bunch of other irrelevant inspiring stuff I won't bore you with here).

I know this is going to be difficult and, honestly, I have mixed emotions about it. I'm happy to be addressing most of my mental health issues, but also hesitant since this program is primarily aimed at remedying something I don't really want to or think I need to fix (which is kind of the whole problem). But, I have to give it/myself a chance. For once, I'm gonna try putting my mind and my health first.

On top of this, my spring semester started today and though I've had to drop back from full-time to part-time because of this treatment program, that will still be consuming a good chunk of my free time.

I have time to write, just not quite as much of it, and since I want to complete my entry for the game jam, I've decided to whole-ass that project instead half-assing several (x). Like with Hero, writing Mousetrap has been a very therapeutic process for me, allowing me to engage with and reframe a difficult period of my life in a creative way. I also want to complete a project and that will happen much sooner with Mousetrap than with something like HK.

I truly think that this is the best path forward, that it will enable me to be the best version of myself and produce the best content I can. Taking a brief break from HK is a tough decision, but I hope people will understand why I'm doing it; that it doesn't mean I'm giving up on HK or that I feel any less passionate about this project. I'm still shocked everyday by people's interest in and support for my work. That's given me most of the determination and self-esteem I needed to take care of myself like this. I'm terrified of disappointing people, but this is something I have to do. For the first time in nearly a decade, I'm trying to improve my future, not just survive my present.

Anyways, thank you so much for reading all this. You're wonderful and talented and I appreciate the shit out of you. Hope you're doing well and if you're not, you're not alone. 💜

Talk to you soon,

Albie