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sophierequests · 2 years

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looking out for you // fingers crossed part two

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Pairing: Kaz Brekker x f!Reader

A/N: Quite a few of you guys wanted a part two, so here it is! I'm so glad that you liked this fic so much, because I am a sucker for angsty writing. Some of you even wanted to be tagged, so the question is, if you'd like me to establish a tag list? Where I'd just tag you whenever I post a fic about this certain character? I'd love to do that, you just have to comment, and I'll do it!

You can find part one here!

Summary: Kaz goes to confront the reader about hiding their wound, but it does not go as planned, leading to a fight and also confessions that were regretted immediately after.

Genre: Angst, Comfort

Word Count: 2.5K (how the hell did I write that much again???)

Warnings: A bit angsty, feelings, mention of past injury and pain, slight callback to a previous panic attack, if you squint and a lot of profanities

You didn’t wake up for almost one whole week. And when you did, you had one of the worst headaches imaginable. Even though you weren’t back in action yet, you still felt a lot better.

Jesper was more than relieved to see you fully awake, sitting upright and smiling at him. Kaz, however, didn’t come to see you when you first woke up. Which didn’t surprise you, but left you with a sinking feeling of disappointment.

“Oh, I’m so dead.” Jesper sighed, throwing himself next to you on the bed, before giving you your dinner. You turned your head to smile at him sheepishly, taking the dinner gratefully.

“Why now, Jes? If Kaz wanted to actually kill you, he would have done it by now.”

“Isn’t that just fucking comforting, love.” he said, whilst chewing his own food.

“You can be glad that Wylan loves you because I think I saw a glint of murder in his eyes after I told him what happened. I’m pretty sure his wrath would’ve been worse.” you joked, nudging the sharpshooter's arm with a grin.

“Ha ha ha, very funny, Y/N.” Jesper mocked, “You have no clue how mad he was after that. He almost forced me to sleep downstairs!”

The both of you laughed, enjoying the time without any distress or missions thoroughly.

“How’s Kaz?” you asked, immediately regretting it after seeing Jesper’s facial expression.

“Ugh, if I would only know. This man is starting to become a ticking time bomb.” he said, toying with his rings nervously, “I don’t think he’s sleeping. At least not really well. And I think he’s only really talking to Inej. I haven’t heard him say a word, since he called me to help Nina fix you up. I don’t think you’re allowed to almost die again anytime soon, or he’ll go completely mad.”

“I’ll try my best.” you chuckled, however, the weight of his words still heavy on your shoulders, “Do you think he’s mad at me?”

“What? Are you being serious right now? Please don’t tell me that you care about what Kaz I-can’t-express-my-feelings-properly Brekker thinks about you. Love, he’s not mad at you, why would you think that? You’re probably one of the few people on this team, that he could never be mad at.” he told you reassuringly.

You snorted.

“You should’ve seen the look on his face when he went into my room that night. If I wouldn’t be one of his valuable investments, he would’ve killed me on the spot. I think you think a bit too highly of his opinion of me. I could’ve finished the mission on my own. But no, he needed you to join me, because I am not allowed to go on these missions alone. He thinks I’m not useful on these sorts of missions, and it is driving me insane. He’d never send you to go on a mission with Inej!”

“Oh Y/N, you are one of the smartest people I know, but during times like these, you can be so bloody dense.”

“Hey!” you snorted, giving him a slight jab in the ribs.

“I’m being serious. Have you ever thought about the fact, that he might care about you? I’ve known him for quite a while now, and he never acted like that with any of the Dregs. We all have the sneaking suspicion that our dearest boss might have a little crus-”

“Don’t finish that sentence, or I won’t be able to look him in the eyes anymore.”

“Why? Scared of someone actually returning your feelings?”

“Shut up!” you chuckled, slumping against the headboard and closing your eyes, the half-eaten dinner sitting on your nightstand was already forgotten.

“I don’t get what you see in him anyway. You’re way too good for him.” Jesper commented.

“I know. But so are you.”

“Aww, you’re so sweet.” he grinned, leaning his head on your shoulder.

He was right, of course, your crush on Kaz Brekker had been one of the most embarrassing gossip topics that the Crows could bring up. It was just such a bizarre thing to everyone. You were lovely and kind, never failing to comfort the team members if they needed it. And Kaz, well, Kaz was Kaz. You always told yourself that you were friends and that he wanted nothing more than that from you. But hearing it out loud, that he might have a crush on you too, gave you a complicated arrangement of feelings.

“Love, as much as I enjoy our little talks, I should get going. Because my boyfriend should already be waiting for me downstairs. We planned on going to the market, want something?”

You shook your head, waving him off with a smile.

The silence that Jesper had left you with didn’t stay too long. As soon as you closed your eyes, you heard the faint clicking of a cane doming from the corridor. Internally, you prayed that he would just walk right past your room, but if the Saints were actually real, they didn’t seem to like that idea.

Before you could think about what to do next, the handle turned and Kaz slipped inside the room.

“No knocking this time?” you asked, a soft smile on your lips.

The man let out a huff, and you knew that you were in for a lecture.

“What were you thinking? Hiding a gunshot wound? That could have got you killed. No, it should’ve killed you. You were more than lucky that Nina was here. If she hadn't been here, you would be dead by now! And Jesper lying right into my face will also be something I’ll have to keep in the back of my mind from now on.”

“Jesper lied because I told him too. I really didn’t need you to give us another talk on team safety.”

“Oh, so you probably also told him to shoot you then?” he snarled, visibly aggravated.

“You can be such an ass sometimes, do you know that? Jesper didn’t mean to shoot me. It was my fault. I didn’t assess the situation properly and got hit. That’s it. He couldn’t have done anything to stop it.” you retorted, getting angrier and angrier, “And you know if you only came here to yell at me, I’d like you to leave, Kaz. I get that you’re angry, but that gives you absolutely no right to be such a bloody prick.”

“I’m not leaving. What you did was stupid and reckless, and I have every right to hold you accountable for that.”

“You have no right to anything, Brekker. This is the first time you visit me since that night you checked on me, and without showing the slightest bit of concern, you just start lecturing me? This is the last thing I need right now. You are the last thing I need right now.”

He tried to hide the way his face cringed, after hearing that statement, but this feeling was soon replaced as he saw you flinching, whilst trying to straighten your position. Nina helped you as best as she could, but the pain would stick around for a while.

Without a second thought, he moved towards your bed, handing you one of the vials, filled with a disgustingly sweet liquid to ease the pain.

“Here.” he said, his voice now way more regulated than before.

You sighed, taking it from his hand and downing it in one go.

“Are you going to do something else, other than just standing there like a lost dog?” you asked, patting the empty spot next to you as a sort of pathetic peace offer.

With a glint of hesitation in his eyes, he sat down next to you, avoiding eye contact as best as he could.

“Why did you try to hide it? I don’t understand.” he said again, but now in a much softer tone.

“You said it yourself. A hurt crow is of no use.” you huffed, closing your eyes, “I just didn’t want to bother you with that. You said it was important that you got to take a look at the blueprints as soon as we were back, so I thought it would be best to follow that.”

Kaz stared back at you, a conflicted expression painted on his face.

“I haven’t looked at the blueprints yet.” he confessed, “I only wanted you to bring them to me, to make sure that you were safe. I knew that it would be of risk to go into Pekka’s territory. I needed to actually see that nothing happened to you.”

“You already sent me a babysitter for that, though.” you snorted.

“He was just a backup safety measure.”

“Why do you trust me so little? I could’ve done the mission on my own and I would have been completely fine.”

“Y/N…”

“No, Kaz, you asked me to tell the truth, and now it’s your turn.”

“I do trust you. More than you probably know.” Kaz admitted, running a gloved hand through his messy hair, only now you realized that he looked like he hadn’t slept properly in the last few days, “When Jesper brought me the blueprints that day, I was more than worried. You wouldn’t make Jesper finish miniscule things like that.”

He paused, pondering on what to say next.

“We fought, Jesper and I. He told me things I didn’t like to hear. That’s why I only checked on you after he was gone. I should’ve just swallowed my pride.”

“What did he say to you, Kaz?” you asked, slightly confused by where this was supposed to go.

“He told me that I was just a boy too scared of his own feelings. And…”

“And?”

“And he’s right. The reason why I always send Jesper with you on these missions is because I can’t stand seeing you hurt. I care for you. In a different way than I care for Inej, Jesper or any other team member. I just never though that this would influence my judgement this much.”

This confession left you speechless. Coming from Kaz this was basically a love confession. No, it definitely was a love confession.

“Why didn’t you come to see me earlier? I’ve been awake for a few days now. I genuinely thought you were mad at me.” you inquired, testing the waters slowly, “I mean, I don’t know how out of it I would’ve been, but still.”

“I was mad. Not at you, but at myself. Nothing of that should’ve happened, I should’ve known better.” he rolled his head back to stare at the ceiling, his hands now only a few inches away from your legs, “I did come to visit you. When you were still unconscious. Nina said that you were going to be fine, but you didn’t look fine. Well, not what I understand under the word fine.”

An awkward silence settled between the two of you until Kaz groaned, moving to get up.

“I’m sorry, this was more than ill-fitting of me Y/N. I shouldn’t have said that. You shouldn’t have to be aware of these kinds of one-sided feelings. I’m sorry.”

Before he could stand up, you lunched forward, clutching his sleeve tightly.

“Wait, what if I told you that I may or may not feel the same?” you stammered, realizing that you were still holding onto his shirt, only a little bit away from accidentally touching his skin.

His expression turned from a look of irritation, and he pulled his sleeve out of your grasp.

“No.” he replied in a stern voice

“What? What do you mean no? You can’t just tell me about your feelings and then deny mine!” you answered, now standing, or rather sitting, completely helpless against his words.

“I could never give you what you want. You know that.” he shot back, now meeting your gaze harshly.

“What do I want, Kaz? Tell me?”

“Someone that doesn’t have to retch when you touch them. Someone that can actually show you affection. Someone you can kiss. Not me.”

“I don’t need all that. There’s more to love than just that.” the mention of the word love made Kaz shudder, since none of you said it out loud up until now, “I enjoy your company and the conversations we share. I enjoy you. The rest really doesn’t matter. You’re not a lost cause.”

He turned around, his back now facing you, his hands wiping over his face anxiously. For a moment, he just stood there, not saying anything. Then he walked over to the door, his hand resting on the handle. This made your stomach drop. You really thought that things could work out between the two of you.

However, something inside him stopped him from turning the handle and leaving. The moment felt like a déjà vu, him turning to run off to his office like a kicked dog and her just helplessly sitting on her bed. He thought about the following hours, Inej telling him that she was alive and him thanking every supernatural force for granting him another chance. This was it. And what was he doing? Running away again.

No, not this time.

Meanwhile, there were tears building up in the corners of your eyes. You didn’t know what to do, and even though the hurt was possessing every inch of you, you wouldn’t run after him this time.

“I can’t and won’t promise you anything.” his voice broke the silence, causing you to look up at him, “But if that is what you want, I’d be willing to try.”

You felt like someone just waterboarded you, just to pull you out right after.

“What?” you stuttered.

Kaz crossed the room again to get back to your bed, sitting a bit closer to you than before. After taking a deep breath, he set one of his gloved hands on yours, eyeing you carefully.

“I can’t promise you any sort of physical affection. To be frank, I’ll have to get used to any sort of affection, too. But I’d like us to try, Y/N.” he repeated slowly.

You nodded hastily, the weight of his words hitting you like a freight train. He wanted to try. That was more than enough for you. Tears were still running down your cheeks, just for a different reason now.

“I’d like us to try, too.” you answered softly, seeing the hint of a smile form on his face.

“Good, it’s settled then.” Kaz added smugly, now genuinely smiling, “And please stop crying, love. Don’t waste your tears on things like that.”

Much to your surprise, he didn’t wait for you to do it on your own, but moved his hands to cup your cheeks, wiping the tears away with his thumbs.

Before any of you could say anything else, the door opened suddenly, Jesper and Nina walking in to your room without any announcement. They took in the scene, you, sitting next to a startled Kaz, leftover tears still gliding down your cheeks.

“You made her fucking cry, Brekker?” Nina shrieked, her expression changing into one of annoyance.

“It’s not how it looks like!” the both of you tried to clarify in unison.

None of you knew where this would take you from there on, but both of you wanted to try. And at least for you, that was the only thing that mattered.

Taglist:

@b3kk3r-by-br3kk3r @kitty084

Thank you so much for the positive feedback, I really do appreciate every comment and request I get <3 If you want to be added to a taglist, just tell me in the comments!

#grishaverse fanfic #grishaverse x reader #grishaverse #kaz brekker fanfic #kaz brekker imagine #kaz brekker #kaz brekker x reader #soc #six of crows #six of crows x reader

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barnesafterglow · 3 years

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hey guys! so i finally hit 1k not too long ago which is insane bc i feel like i just made this blog yesterday. being on this site has been the best few months of my life, honestly. i have made some of my best friends on here, and i wouldn’t give them up for the world. i’m so grateful for every single person that follows and supports me. i love you all so much <3

that being said, i thought it would be fun to do a little something for this milestone, and what better way to do that than to make it completely based around taylor swift <3. it feels fitting both because of my username, and the very first fic i ever wrote and posted was based on a taylor swift song

this challenge will start now and end on march 25th. no minimum or maximum word count, but i do ask that if it’s more than 500 words, please use a read more.

edit: if you still want to participate but weren’t able to meet the deadline, please feel free to write something - just make sure you tag me and i’ll add it to the masterlist!

rules:

my blog is 18+ and therefore this writing challenge is too

smut, fluff, and angst are all welcome! please no dark fics

please do not write anything with non/dubcon, bathroom play, underage characters (in relationships), or anything related to suicide, eating disorders, etc. (these last few in particular are very triggering to me and i will not only not read them, but block anyone who submits them)

tag me in your work as well as tagging the post #all’s well writing challenge

message me/send me an ask if you have any other questions!

i will be going through and reading these as they are posted (to the best of my ability), and adding them to a masterlist that i’ll post when all of them are submitted! if it has been more than a couple days since you posted and i haven’t reblogged it yet, shoot me a message or an ask because i may have missed it

below are some suggested prompts, but any lyrics/anything taylor swift related can be used! you also don’t have to use specific lyrics, it can just be the vibe of the line/song. just please be sure to include what the prompt is at the beginning/in your author’s note :) you don’t need to claim a prompt, they can be used by multiple people because i think everyone can make their own unique story!

fluff

“this love is difficult but it's real” love story, fearless

“can't help it if there's no one else” hey stephen, fearless

“the stakes are high, the water's rough, but this love is ours” ours, speak now

“i'll be loving you for quite some time” stay stay stay, red

“all i feel in my stomach is butterflies” everything has changed, red

“just grab my hand and don't ever drop it” i know places, 1989

“you are the one i have been waiting for” king of my heart, reputation

“now i've read all of the books beside your bed” paper rings, lover

“all along there was some, invisible string, tying you to me” / “hell was the journey but it brought me heaven” invisible string, folklore

angst

“and i was right there beside him all summer long, and then the time we woke up to find that summer gone” tim mcgraw, taylor swift

“even now just looking at you feels wrong” should’ve said no, taylor swift

“and my heart's not breaking, 'cause I'm not feeling anything at all” the way i loved you, fearless

“and i stare at the phone, he still hasn't called, and then you feel so low you can't feel nothing at all” forever & always, fearless

“it turns out freedom ain't nothing but missing you” back to december, speak now

“you never called it what it was” / “when your brooklyn broke my skin and bones” all too well, red

”gone was any trace of you, i think i am finally clean” clean, 1989

“but if the story's over, why am i still writing pages?” / “tryna find a part of me you didn't take up” death by a thousand cuts, lover

“i knew i'd curse you for the longest time, chasing shadows in the grocery line” cardigan, folklore

“august sipped away, like a bottle of wine, 'cause you were never mine” august, folklore

“now i'm begging for footnotes in the story of your life” tolerate it, evermore

misc. (ones i really don’t know how to categorize/could go multiple ways)

“but i know you wish it was me” speak now, speak now

“broke your heart, i'll put it back together” how you get the girl, 1989

“should've known i'd be the first to leave, think about the place where you first met me” getaway car, reputation

“all of this silence and patience, pining and desperately waiting” / “i don't want you like a best friend” dress, reputation

“tell me that you're still mine, tell me that we'll be just fine” / “i don't wanna lose this with you” afterglow, lover

“breakups happen every day, you don't have to lose it” / “if our love died young, i can't bear witness” right where you left me, evermore

“everybody wonders what it would be like to love you” gold rush, evermore

characters:

any mcu characters

any sebastian stan characters (except tommy lee and jeff gillooly)

any chris evans characters

if you want to write another character feel free to send me a message and ask!

no pressure tags if people want to signal boost <3

@pellucid-constellations @itistimeforusalltodecidewhoweare @sweetascanbee @sweetdreamsbuck @babiebucky @treatbuckywkisses @spidderboy @aphrogeneias @atlaese @ambrosiase @starbuckie @howdoyousleep3 @buckydaddy @bubblebuckys @buckys-left-middle-finger @foreverindreamlandd @writing-for-marvel @fandoms-writings @nexusnyx @strwbrrybucky @benignbucky @inklore @abovethesmokestacks @jadedvibes @the-iceni-bitch @asgardwinter @schmuckyschmarnes @bloomingbucky @maladaptivexxdaydreaming @smokeinherperfume @beefybuckrrito

#i'm so excited pls don't let this flop #it has been in my drafts for months #all’s well writing challenge #writing challenge #writing prompt #marvel fanfic

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delu-jean · 3 years

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𝐈𝐬 𝐇𝐞 𝐌𝐢𝐧𝐞? (𝐏𝐭 𝟐)

(Akaashi x fem!/reader) -> Angst/Fluff? -> 3.2k

Synopsis: Akaashi is strolling through Tokyo, and on that day, meets a boy who looks all too familiar. One whose eyes remind him of you.

Part One: Is He Mine?

Part Three: Is Her Mine? (Part. 3)

Notes: Part two as promised! Maybe I’ll make a part three (haha >:)). Be sure to comment if you would liked to be tagged for the next part, and reblogs are always appreciated.

-> Also, for those tagged in this post, I’ll tag you in the next as well ^^

“Y/n...please tell me.”

“T-tell you what?” you asked nervously, as he felt just the same. Inhaling his breath, hoping he could keep calm.

“Is...is he mine?”

---

“Is he who’s?”

“Mine Y/n...is he mine?”

You stared at the gentleman. Though his question was reasonable (?), that was the first thing he was going to ask you?...after all of those years?...years of torment, resentment, and whatever else. Maybe you were overreacting, but yet again, you were a woman who stood by her morals. And that being the case, your instincts had said your reaction was as reasonable as his question.

Some part of you wanted to snap. To holler at Akaashi for asking such a ridiculous question, yet the other part...was scared. You felt anxious when thinking of a proper answer. Was Ryu his?.... If taken out of context, he could’ve been asking if Ryu belonged to him, and of course he didn’t. Ryu wasn’t an object that could be owned by merely anyone. He was his own person, and that being the case, wasn’t something that could’ve been held down. Yet even though you could’ve interpreted it that way, you knew what Akaashi really meant. Yet you didn’t exactly have an answer.

“Ryu?”

“Yeah...”

Akaashi seemed suspicious. He could tell you were hiding something, and even though very obvious, he didn’t want to assume. Hoping that you would confirm things so that you both could talk it out. Yet here you were, not giving him a response. He was confused to say the least, shouldn’t the answer have been easy? Ryu looked exactly like him, and plus, him not having a father was another takeaway. Using those facts should’ve given him enough confirmation.

But then again, maybe the answer wasn’t as easy as it should’ve been. What if Ryu wasn’t his?...what if Akaashi had made an assumption out of impulse, because of a lingering feeling he had. One of which you sparked for him to feel.

Maybe he was being delusional, and instead, was trying to make an excuse. An excuse to spend another minute, even a second with you there. Ryu was important to him as well. His or not, he respected that you had started a family, and was glad Ryu was a part of it. He adored Ryu, but he also admired you. Speaking of Ryu, the boy then clung onto you. He seemed confused about the interaction, and tried asking for clarification.

“His? *GASP* Am I Akaashi’s brother!? Momma, you never told me!” he smiled happily, ecstatic at the news.

“Eh-no dear, he’s not your brother,” you chuckled, for him to ask:

“Then what did he mean? What did you mean, Akaashi?” you then stared at Akaashi. You knew he was smart enough to play things through, and even so, you still panicked the slightest bit.

“I was wondering if you would be mine for the night, along with your mother. We could go grab dinner, or ice cream even,” you looked at him in shock as his eyes seemed determined. Needing an answer, and willing to get it in whatever scenario possible.

“But what about Kuroo?”

“Oh my, I forgot about that,” you then glanced at your watch.

“Kuroo?...but how-oh….” Akaashi then thought about how you and Kuroo were very close friends. So close that sometimes, he would even find you hanging out with Kuroo, over himself. Though it wasn’t because you liked him (in that way), rather, you were both very good friends. Akaashi let it be since you both had mutual trust, and Kuroo was someone he was also friends with. Besides, Akaashi also respected your personal life with others, and so did you for him.

They still talked till this day, and not once had Kuroo mentioned you having a child. But to be fair, Kuroo never mentioned you. That being because both you and Akaashi had broken up, and it would’ve been an uncomfortable topic. Still, Akaashi found it strange. If Kuroo knew, wouldn’t Bokuto have as well?...meaning that Akaashi would’ve known by now? His thoughts continued to trail as you looked at him in disbelief.

You did have plans with Kuroo, but then, you also had a couple hours until he’d come around. Even so, you didn’t want to spend that time with Akaashi. He was one of the last people you needed to talk to. The grudge which still stood in your heart, clenched with each second he stood there. The anger which he had gifted you, was something that was eager to return. As you had thought this, you then stared at your son. He seemed thrilled to be with such a man, as he gripped onto Akaashi’s hand in excitement, saying:

“Yay! We get to eat together!”

“We’re going to have so much fun!”

“Let’s try some bubble waffles!”

You then remembered that even if you had felt that, your son instead felt joy being with Akaashi. And that being the case, you didn’t have the right to take that happiness away. After all, Ryu was not yours either. He wasn’t someone you could drag away from events, just because you had conflicts with a person. Though there were times where doing so was appropriate, was now really such an event?...not even you could answer that. But even though you couldn’t, his smile which brightened the mood, had answered for you.

“Okay buddy, slow down. Fine, we can go with brother...Akaashi. We’ll meet Kuroo sometime later, just let me text him.”

“Okay mom! Akaashi, Up!” you then eyed the boy, for him to insist regardless.

“Please mom! He’s so tall, and I can see everything-”

“Ryu no-”

“Sure, what not?” Akaashi then grabbed the boy, placed him on his shoulders, and secured his legs with his hands. You then sighed. If Akaashi had agreed, what could you do? You then texted Kuroo, grabbing your bag firmly as Akaashi spoke:

“I know a place where we could grab ramen. If not, we could instead-”

“No, ramen is fine,” you said in a stoic tone.

“Okay...then let’s get going.”

---

The walk to the outdoor stand was awkward. Well...for you and Akaashi at least. The last time you two spoke, was the day he broke things off. He never reached out to you during that time, and now...here you both were. Expected to have a lengthy conversation, and to enjoy yourselves. Key word, “expected.” Though it would’ve been nice if you both could have talked care free, it wasn’t going to happen. That event occurred when both parties have mutually moved on. From Akaashi’s perspective, he still had lingering thoughts, yet kept them to the side. Going on with his life as he expected you did yours. Though he thought you had moved on, you had thought differently for different reasons.

Even though you both had your differences, Ryu was there. Entertaining the both of you separately. He complimented you one second, and played with Akaashi the next. You had never seen Akaashi so enthusiastic with a child before. Though he wasn’t going all crazy, and acting like a kid himself, he was being a lot more open. Talking back and forth with Ryu, giving nice remarks, and also rewarding him...with that beautiful smile he bestowed.

Even so, you tried to ignore it. Remembering that this entire ordeal was for Ryu, and not for your observations.

“We’re here. What do you want Ryu?”

“Hm, could I get the one with Tonkatsu? I’ve been craving it all day!”

“Haha, sure buddy. And...you, Y/n?”

“I’m not hungry, you guys go ahead,” Akaashi then sighed, obviously not believing you.

“We’ll get two Tonkatsu ramens, along with Fukuoka ramen.”

“Sure, that’ll be $18.35 please.”

“Debit-”

“Um...I can pay for both Ryu and I,” you said, as you tried scrambling for your wallet. Akaashi then tapped the machine, placing his hand on your own (the hand in your purse).

“It’s fine. Afterall, I already paid,” you shook your head, but let it go as Ryu pointed to a table.

“Come on! Let’s sit!”

---

“Akaashiii~!”

“What is Ryu?”

“How do you know mommy? Mommy would never talk to a stranger, so that means you both know each other.”

“Oh...well, um,” Ryu was truly a bright child. One who caught on a little too quickly. He really did remind you of his father. Quick witted, yet wise with his tongue. Being certain to use specific words or sentences, to ensure/secure his curiosities.

“Well...mommy and Akaashi were very good friends,” you replied.

“Ahhh. So if that’s the case, why have I never met him before?”

“Well you see-”

“It’s because I live further away from you guys,” Akaashi answered.

“But so does Kuroo,” Akaashi then pondered, and placed his hands together.

“Hm, I guess you’re right. Well, maybe your mother has an answer,” the two black haired boys, then stared at you. Both were awaiting for an answer, and yet both had different intentions. One wondering out of pure curiosity, while the other...was waiting for an explanation. One which could clear up any, if not every misconception.

“Well sweetie, sometimes good friends have to part ways. Everyone has their reasons, but most of the time…” you then looked at Akaashi.

“It’s because it’s for the better,” his gaze was locked onto yours. The stare was unreadable. It didn’t feel tense, yet it was. Was it cold, hurtful?...you wouldn’t have known. But what you did know was that Akaashi was good, too good at hiding his thoughts. So good that when together, he would let things slip without reaction. Sometimes that was a great thing...and others...not so much.

“Why would it be a good thing? You both were best friends!” you then placed a hand on his head, patting it gently.

“Well...friends have to grow up. That doesn’t mean you can’t see them again, but, what it does mean is that you’ll have some time...alone. And that time...is used for you to grow.”

“Ahh, I see mom! Is that why we don’t see Kuroo often?”

“Haha, no sweetie. That’s actually because we live further away. If Kuroo lived in our city-”

“He would be living with us, right?”

“Hm...I guess so,” Akaashi then looked in the other direction. There was no tint of emotion, just...silence.

“Akaashiiii, the ramen is here!”

“Oh, is it Ryu?”

“Yeah, it is!” your bowls were then slid over. Ryu stared at Akaashi’s hands, and at first, Akaashi wasn’t sure as to why. Ryu didn’t touch his food, and at first, he was worried that the boy didn’t like it, but then noticed he was holding a pair of scissors. Pointing them towards the gentleman. Though confused, he then caught onto Ryu’s gesture.

“Dear I can-” before you could finish your sentence, Akaashi started to cut his noodles. Making them bit size for the boy. It seemed like second hand nature, yet something new to him. Though, you would’ve felt more comfortable doing it yourself, you weren’t complaining as the job was now done.

“Thanks Akaashi!”

“No problem Ryu. Now, let’s eat.”

---

You all then finished your ramen. Though you had said you weren’t hungry, you couldn’t help but eat it. After all of those years, Tonkatsu ramen was still your favourite, and Akaashi still knew. He was glad that he remembered the littlest of details. Ones which may have been overlooked. Ones he made sure to be attentive to. Not only that, but he was glad Ryu had enjoyed the meal as well. He truly was your son as he had the same tastes as you. Akaashi found it quite cute, and found it even more adorable as he ran out of the restaurant, shouting:

“Mom, Akaashi! I want to play at the park!”

“Hm...it’s a little late buddy,” Akaashi said, for you to respond:

“It should be fine. We’ll be over here watching Ryu. No funny business young man!”

“Okay mommy!” the young boy then climbed the slide, as Akaashi sat on the bench. Patting on it, indicating that you sat beside him. And so...you did. Your legs together, hands as well, as your head looked down. He then sighed, asking:

“Do you feel uncomfortable? I can move if-”

“No...it’s fine. We’ll be leaving soon, so no need to worry.”

“Is Kuroo picking you up?” you then nod as he did the same.

“I see...so...how have you been?”

“Oh...um...I’ve been okay. I’ve done better, but...yeah.”

“Hm, I see,” you really didn’t want to be in this situation. Maybe for him, it seemed civil, but to you...it was awkward. Neither of you knew what to say, and neither did you try to hide it (successfully at least). Akaashi then twitteled with his thumbs. A rare sight you would see every once in a while. Akaashi was a well spoken person, and usually had something to say in a well mannered way. But when he didn’t, or didn’t know what to say, he would play with his thumbs. Hoping that something would spring to mind.

“You must be having fun.”

“Fun doing what?” he looked at you.

“Playing with your thumbs,” you smirked, for him to put his hands away.

“Not really.”

“Hm...so...what have you been up to?” you asked, curious and yet not wanting to know.

“Nothing much...just work and well, Bokuto and I still hang out from time to time.”

“Ahh, really? I’m glad. You both were the bestest of friends.”

“And still are,” he smiled, while watching Ryu climb the monkey bars.

“Hm, you have a girlfriend yet?” he then paused for a moment, for him to answer:

“No...not yet. I haven’t found anyone interesting.”

“Ah, that’s unfortunate.”

Was it really?...you wouldn’t know how to think after today. If you hadn’t met Akaashi here...you would’ve thought otherwise. Glad that he hadn't found someone else, for his actions sickened you. Such a gentleman, yet someone so cruel. You would feel awful if he had grasped someone, just as tightly as he did to you. Sprinkling you with such intoxicating, yet graceful pleas, and yet he left you there to rot in such doing. Such a passionate man, yet that same person could find passion in such coldness.

For the past years, you had found him to be utterly despicable. After that one event...you couldn’t help but think that. But even so, after seeing him with Ryu today...you couldn’t help but melt. The two were so sweet together, and even though you hated to admit, had a spectacular relationship within just hours. They really acted as the best of friends, and Akaashi seemed to enjoy it. Not only that...but his smile...it was one which was truly admirable.

You then stared at Akaashi, while he watched Ryu. He really hadn’t changed. He was calm, quiet, and reserved. His posture was on parr with the rest of his body. His hair was styled more neatly, and actually, it had grown a bit, along with his height. His figure, a lot larger than what it was in university, and his cologne smelled of lavender, along with a hint of pepper. It was a strange combination, but it worked. He really had grown up to be even more attractive. And that being the case, it surprised you that he didn’t have a partner. Said attractiveness, along with the kindness of his nature...had drawn you in, and yet dragged you out. Leaving you in a confused, and undecided state of mind.

He then took note of your stare, and grinned. Secretly glad that your attention had averted towards him, yet, he was trying to be subtle. You truly looked astonishing tonight. Even after a couple of years, you still looked the same. That same highschooler who he had fallen in love with, the one who had constantly supported both him, and Fukurodani. The only person who truly understood such a stoic man. That same girl he would forever hold a place in his heart for. Although, now you weren’t just a sweet girl, but now, a beautiful lady instead.

Deep down, he would’ve wished for a space to open. Allowing such a lady to make way into his heart. Hoping said lady, would do the same. And maybe, just maybe...a prince could join you both as well. Making his thoughts come true in the utmost blessed way.

He made sure you didn’t catch onto his stare, the one which he had latched onto you. His attempts were taken very seriously, as he didn’t want to make things too obvious. Unfortunately, you did catch him in the act, and turned away, embarrassed.

“Hm,” he smirked, as you fished for your phone.

Kuroo ᕙ(`▿´)ᕗ

-> ‘Are you still coming?’

-> ‘Of course. Sorry, traffic delays. I should be there in ten.’

-> ‘Okay...see you soon’

You were about to turn of your phone, to then see Kuroo text:

-> ‘Also...don’t worry too much. You can do this Y/n, good luck, and I’ll be there soon.’

You then smiled, and Akaashi took note, thinking:

‘She’s probably talking to her…ah...’ he sighed at the thought, to then ask:

“Are you talking to your husband?...you seem happy,” he smiled. Even though smiling was a happy gesture, he couldn’t help but make it the opposite. Making his grin, feel ever so agonizing.

“Ah...well...that was Kuroo,” Akaashi then batted a brow, surprised to say the least. He’d only seen that look on you when you were vulnerable. Whether you were scared, or secretly happy. Regardless, that was only around him...not even Kuroo had seen such a stare. But now that he saw you in such a state, it made him question if you, and Kuroo were in a relationship. That being the reason why he never brought it up, and vice versa.

“Oh...I see. So that means,” Akaashi then started to think. Yes, the younger child looked like him, but then, there was also resemblance between both Ryu, and Kuroo. They both had black hair, Ryu had a peckish, yet sweet smile (like Kuroo...minus the sweet-), and the bits of information fit logically. If you and Kuroo had Ryu, it would’ve made sense.

Both childhood friends who had grown together, to then realize what they wanted after he...had left you. Starting a family, and being with each other?.... Ryu looked like he could’ve been Kuroo's, or anyone for that matter. But even if Akaashi would have liked to think that way, the connection was too uncanny to deny.

Even so, Akaashi was still suspicious. Wondering as to why Ryu would be so reluctant towards his father. Why he would call “Kuroo,” well…”Kuroo,” and just as to why you both lived so far away. Maybe you both had a situation?...but then again, wasn’t Kuroo on his way to pick you up? Akaashi was confused, and felt like he was over-thinking things. Maybe Ryu wasn’t his...and Akaashi was instead looking for something...that wasn’t there...nor his to compensate.

“That means what?...” he then locked his eyes, with yours. Though he was someone who was hard to read, you could tell how desperate he was. His stare, piercing right at you, hoping he could get an answer.

“Y/n...could you please tell me...if he’s...mine?” you then saw the sorrowful expression, which struck him. The guilt which seeped in, had dug even further. Not sure how to tell him, nor how to phrase things. Your hands clenched, inhaling slowed, as your body trembled. He seemed just as scared for your response, to then hear:

“He’s-”

“He’s mine, Akaashi...Ryu is mine,” Kuroo said, for silence to then fill.

For Those Who Wanted To Be Tagged/Reblogged/Wanted A Part Two! ^^ :

@bokutojuicyass; @realbugmom; @exactlygreatlove; @instantdinosaurhottub; @suchagoodgirlxoxo; @nomadicadventures; @greenhoodie-mark; @n5koma; @animclarinerd; @personalficarchive; @sabrinakishi; @amecchii; @daffodilpetals; @lerougestvelvet; @notamazinglizzy; @akaashimarryme5; @m00ndust2

->Sorry to those who tags aren’t working qwq

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gashinabts · 3 years

Text

peculiar taste| (m)

Words: 2.8k

Pairing: Taehyung x Reader

Genre: Smut, Fluff, pwp

Summary: Unknowingly, you find out that your feet pics are roaming around twitter just to find out that your room mate runs the page.

Warnings: FOOT STUFF, foot job ( idk if thats a thing), foot fetish

a/n: There’s a lot of foot stuff so if that makes you uncomfortable then don’t read it. Btw if there’s other weird kinks/fetishes that you think a member would like just comment or message me.

Twitter is a scary place, you never had it until your friend from work told you to download it because there’s funny memes. So when you downloaded it you were not surprised that there were weird foot pictures. See you were not one to shame someone who has weird fetishes but this was different. Oddly enough the picture had the same pedicure as you and the same tattoo on your ankle. Deciding to go on the page you notice there were pictures of your feet, the black heels you owned were there too.

Is someone spying on you? There is a sudden noise from the kitchen and you jolt in fear, holding the phone close to you as you walk towards the noise. The fear disappears when you see your roommate slash friend Taehyung eating pickles from the jar. “ Hey, wanna go to the park? We can have a little picnic,” Taehyung munches the last part before putting it back in the fridge. “ What’s wrong?” He notices your worried face.

Shaking your head, not sure if you should tell him your worries. Taehyung would probably freak out more than you, he’ll probably call the FBI to install high tech cameras around the apartment. “ Nothing,” you smile. “ I’m down but I’m making the food. Last time you just packed onions and capri suns,” you move him aside to pull out bread to make sandwiches.

He gives you his signature boxy smile, “ Sorry you don’t have an acquired taste,” he shrugs.

---

When you guys get back from the park you immediately lay in your bed tired from all the running that Taehyung made you do. It was supposed to be a relaxing picnic, however Taehyung forced you to play tag with the children in the park. When you first met Taehyung you thought he was a quiet and stuck up person because of his emotionless face whenever he was sitting with people. But that all changed when you got to know him better, he was just a funny and weird person but in a good way. Needless to say you don’t ever want him to move out because he is just a fun person to have around.

The ping rings loudly on your phone, you get a message from your mom. You quickly text her back and then go on twitter to the foot fetish page to inspect it more. Maybe DM the person to see where they get these pics. Your eyes widen when you see a new picture that was uploaded a few minutes ago, your feet in your sandals that you just bought last week. Along with the picnic blanket that you use when you go to the park with Taehyung.

Jumping out of your bed you run to Taehyung’s room to demand answers from him, but he is currently playing Uno by himself. “ I’m trying to practice so I can win next time we play with Jungkook and Namjoon,” he places the green card down.

“ It’s Uno. The easiest game in the world, it was literally made for children,” you groan in frustration. Taehyung shrugs then goes back to his game and places the reverse card to the pile. “ That’s why I’m not here,” you shake your head. “ Why are my feet on a fetish page on twitter?”

His sharp eyes widen, you can’t tell if it’s due to shock or confusion. The brows are covered from his wavy black hair, lips parted in an ‘oh’ shape. “ Okay, don’t get mad. I have been posting you foot pics in exchange for money,” he puts his hands up when you throw his pillow at him.

“ Taehyung! I can’t believe you,” you sigh. You became a renowned foot fetish star without any acknowledgment. What if people start to recognize you on the streets? Now you can never wear sandals.

“ I should’ve told you but I knew you were going to be against it,” Taehyung gets, ignoring the Uno cards and going up to you. His large hands come together holding them in front. “ If you want to take me to the police I understand. But make sure you feed the racoon that’s been secretly hiding in the garden shed,” he gives his puppy eyes. You can’t ever get mad at Taehyung, no matter what. It’s like he has this power that doesn’t make anyone upset.

Sighing, you gently push his hands down to his sides, “ I’m not turning you in,” you say. His remorse features immediately vanish, now becoming gleeful, as he engulfs you in a bear hug. If he’s getting paid you wonder how much he is making off of your feet. “ So how much money have you made so far?” The bed sinks as you sit down on it.

Taehyung's finger scratches his head, trying to remember how much the thirsty people on Twitter paid. “ Hmm, like a couple hundred. I’m saving the money so we can get a new tv.”

The TV you guys had was found by Taehyung who was riding his bike around the neighborhood. An old man was giving it out and Taehyung called you excitedly asking you to bring your car so you can bring it back home. Upon your arrival you see an old blocky Sony tv that doesn’t even have an HDMI port. Taehyung convinced you that it was vintage and it would match the interior design of the apartment. “ Do people actually like that stuff ?” You ask while looking at your feet. What a weird thing to fetishize you think to yourself.

Taehyung's hair floofs as he jumps back on the bed grabbing his phone that’s beside you. “ Yes. A lot of people,” he quickly unlocks his phone. “ Look, this man was willing to pay sixty dollars for you to have a foot massage,” you look at the DM. “ There’s also other requests. Like you wearing heels, stockings, and other weird things,” he shrugs putting his phone away.

People pay money for this, and you guys do need some money. It wouldn’t hurt to have a little extra cash for stuff. No one is ever gonna find out that it’s your feet. “ Let’s keep doing it,” you look at Taehyung, whose eyes widen at your words.

“ Really?” Taehyung asked in a serious tone. Wanting to make sure that you actually want to do it not because of his stupid mistake.

“ Yeah, it would be nice to have extra cash,” you nod your head.

----

“ This feels really weird,” you flinch at the stickiness of the honey pouring on your feet. Taehyung makes a hand motion for you to keep pouring it as he films it on his phone. Your face is not in view so no one can see the weird faces you're making as the stickiness goes in between your toes. Just another weird request from a person. This guy is paying sixty dollars for this, so who cares that you are pouring honey on your feet.

Taehyung nods and gives the okay sign, ending the video. “ I feel bad that the bees are dying and we are wasting their precious honey on your feet,” he pouts before leaving to retrieve a wet towel. He tosses it to you so you can wipe the honey off before walking on the floor.

The wet towel doesn’t help much so you decide to wash it. “ Yeah, we should visit the bee sanctuary to give our condolences,” you joke as you run to the bathtub to wash your feet with soap.

“ That would be nice,” Taehyung smiles watching you wash your feet. He hears you laugh, “ Oh you were kidding,” he laughs along with you. The phone pings and he grabs it from his back pocket, looking at the DM’s. ***800 dollar request *** Taehyung reads loudly, eyes widening at the words. He reads the request to himself, heart beating fast because this is actually a sexual request. Also because this is the most someone is willing to spend on a video. For the past month it's only been under the hundreds that people spent on your feet.

Your voice startles him, “ What are they asking for you?” Turning off the faucet you give your undivided attention to him.

Taehyung gulps then scratches the back of his neck, “ Uh- he wants you to use your feet to fondle someone’s dick,” he coughs at the end. There’s a silence that washes over you guys. “ Yeah, I can just decline-”

“ Would I be fondling you?,” you ask. Taehyung tucks his phone back in his pocket then sits next to you.

Taehyung puts his hand on your shoulder, his eyes are looking at you seriously. “ We don't have to do this.”

It’s 800 hundred dollars that you guys would be missing out on.“ I want to do it. Our faces won’t be showing, right?” You really don’t mind just as long as Taehyung is comfortable doing it with you.

Taehyung exhales, nodding his head, “ Yeah no faces.” His heart beats faster as he looks at your feet.

***

“ Let me wash my feet one more time,” you go get up to use the bathroom one more time. Taehyung tugs you back down the bed.

“ You already did it twice before you came to my room,” he lets out a chuckle. “ Don’t be nervous,” he sits on his chair. He grabs your foot gently placing it on his thigh. Large hands rubbing your ankle to calm you down. “ I’ll give you a foot massage and we’ll go from there,” he says softly. There’s a different mood between the two of you. It’s not like the usual playful mood that you guys have. It's heavier, if that makes sense.

Nodding your head, his big hands rub your feet. Rolling out any tension on the center of your foot, you sigh not used to this kind of attention in that area. His hands are like magic making all the stress on your foot disappear. At one point you close your eyes in relaxation feeling your body get lighter. Immediately your eyes open when you feel lips kissing your ankle, his soft lips leave a few more kisses as your eyes meet his dark eyes. Looking down you see a hard on “ Taehyung,” you whisper. He puts your foot back on his thigh, “ Should I start recording?,” you ask. Your hands shake, bringing his phone into your hands.

Taehyung lets out a quiet hum, indicating for you to do so. You hold the phone tightly, pressing the record button. Last night you did some research looking at feet groping and you feel kind of confident. Hopefully, you don’t embarrass yourself or make Taehyung immediately walk out of the room. Your right foot teasingly goes up and down his thigh, looking carefully at Taehyung’s reaction. He lets out a groan when you get close to his bulge but goes to the other thigh doing the same action as before.

“ Baby please,” Taehyung's voice is hoarse. The pet name surprises you in a good way but you quickly remind yourself that he is only calling you that so your name won’t be exposed. His hand goes to your leg, running his fingers against your calf. Listening to his request you trail your foot to his bulge, lightly brushing the tip of your toes. He lets out a breathy exhale, looking down at your foot taunting him.

You never thought you’d be into this, maybe it is the position. There’s some kind of power you hold as you get to dictate whether you should make him feel pleasure by the pressure of your foot. The way Taehyung’s breath quickens when you apply more pressure, his eyes giving you a sultry look. Your foot applies more pressure, toes spreading feeling the outline of his bulge. Doing slow circles, trying to feel more of him. His hand tightens on your leg, “ Fuck, right there,” Taehyung closes his eyes for a quick second. The hardness of his cock turns you on, you feel the thickness of it beneath your foot and you know he probably has a big cock.

“ Does my foot feel good, baby?” You condescendly ask. His eyes look into yours surprise of your tone and question. His jaw clenching, looking hot and bothered, a new look that you want to store in your memory. “ Look at you getting turned on just by my foot,” you tsk in disappointment. Applying more pressure you arch your eyebrow still expecting an answer from him.

Taehyung hisses in pleasure, “ Yeah, your foot feels good,” he tosses his head when you rub your foot harder up and down his clothed cock. “ It feels to fucking good,” he whispers more to himself.

“ Take your cock for me baby,” you command him. Taehyung gives you a face of relief immediately taking his cock out of his pants and briefs. And you were right about his cock being thick and big. Now you just want to feel it in your hands and your mouth, actually everywhere. The precum is leaking, begging to be touched. The heel of your foot meets his hard cock, and he flinches but then immediately going back to your touch. “ Spit on it,” you look down, indicating Taehyung to spit on his cock.

He groans loud at your assertion, not used to this. Taehyung never sees this side of you, having a higher authority. You're usually compliant and listen to whatever he wants to do. He follows your words, spitting on his cock, as he watches your two feet come together cupping the thickness of his cock. Jerking him up and down.“ Shit shit,” he curses at himself for wanting to come right now.

“ It’s not even my pussy and you're already a moaning mess,” you chuckle to yourself. His eyes are downcast to the slow movement of your feet. The small breathy moans are getting louder, and you love the sound of it.

If your feet are this good he can’t imagine what your pussy would feel like. He wants to desperately ask if he can fuck it later but he puts his thoughts away trying not to moan your name loudly. The movements get faster and he thinks this is the fastest time he has ever come. “ I’m going to come baby. Can I come please?” He looks up at your face, and notices a dark gaze, and he wants to kiss the evil smirk off your face.

You wouldn’t be surprised if you creamed your pants right now at the sight of his begging and climaxing. “ Mmm, so soon?” You teasingly ask. Taehyung shamelessly nods, his hands clenching at nothing. “ Come all over my feet dirty boy,” your eyes watch carefully at his pretty bottom lip getting bitten by his teeth.

Before you know it Taehyung is tossing his head back, “ Fuck,” he lets out a loud drawl. His head Adam apple is bobbing and his pretty collar bones are getting more exposed. White spurts all over your feet and you keep fondling him until he holds your ankle in place. He finally looks down at the mess he made, surprised at how much he come.

You stop recording, placing the phone down the bed. There’s a towel next to you, you pull your feet towards you wiping the come off your feet. “ Can you kiss me?” Your head snaps to Taehyung’s question. His eyes don’t have the same lustful gaze but some hint of fondness.

Nodding your head, you are about to kiss him until you realize that you ate sushi about an hour ago. Fearing that he probably can taste it from your mouth you pull back shaking your head. “ Let me brush my teeth real quick,” you try to walk to the bathroom. Until Taehyung laughs brightly pulling you back and pecking your lips softly.

The kiss makes you swoon and want to kiss him more but he pulls away too soon. “ Why did you want to kiss me?” You ask him not wanting to get your hopes high. But your heart is already beating hard because it’s Taehyung who kissed you.

“ I like you,” Taehyung shrugs nonchalantly. “ Why did you agree to kiss me?” He asks you while holding your hand.

“ I like you,” you do the same gesture as him. Taehyung smiles and leans towards your lips and you clothes your eyes expecting a kiss until you feel him push you back. Opening your eyes you see him pull his shirt over his head, and you're surprised to his slightly defined chest and v line.

“ Even when I annoy you and cause nothing but trouble for you?” Taehyung looks down at you biting his bottom lip, a nervous tick he has.

You smile bringing his large hand down, pecking it lightly, “ That’s the best part though,” then pulling him down to kiss him.

192 notes · View notes

whitelacepants · 3 years

Text

Title: Unconditional

Word count: 1,212

Pairing: Percy/Nico

Summary: Nico comforts Percy after he and Annabeth break up.

hey there! i tried a more formal approach this time with like, a title n everything lol. but yeah, this is part 2! sorry it took so long, lost motivation for a second there. but it's almoat 5am and i finally finished this damn thing. sorry if the spacing is fucked, tumblr is weird. I'll probably post these on ao3 once i figure out how to do that. but yeah, anyways, have fun reading, let me know what you think!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"I didn't think you'd be up. Thanks for being here."

Nico hums in acknowledgement. Percy wraps his arms tighter around Nico's waist as he runs his fingers through Percy's hair in a comforting gesture. The legs surrounding Percy's body are warm from how long he'd been lying between them, thin and more muscular than what he's used to but still comfortable. Their relationship has evolved from one of friendship to an agonizing balance on the line of something not quite platonic but not quite romantic.

They're in Percy's cabin, back at Camp Half-Blood for a couple weeks to help get a few new demigods settled in, per Chiron's request. It's been a few weeks since the...incident, between Nico and Annabeth, and the aftermath has taken it's toll on both of them, Percy the most.

~~~~~

"Percy, what's going on?"

"...I wanna break up."

A silent room.

"Where is this even coming from? I've given you everything you needed!"

"No, Annabeth, you've given yourself everything that you needed."

"That's insane! I've been there for you ever since you showed up in this damn camp."

"Yeah, you've been there to insult me every step of the way, and you thought kissing it better would make it hurt less."

A raised voice.

"You've changed since we came back from...from Tartarus."

"Yeah, a place like that'll change a person."

"No. No, no, no, this isn't about that. No, this is about Nico, isn't it? Fuck! I knew I should've kept an eye on him. He's been all over you ever since he came out!"

"He has not! Shit, I thought you supported him!"

"I do! Just not when he's trying to steal my boyfriend!"

"He hasn't stolen anything, Annabeth! You lost me!"

Shattered glass.

"Percy. Percy wait-"

"I'm leaving, get off me."

"Wait! P-Please wait, we can- I can fix this, just wait-!"

"Goodbye, Annabeth."

"Wait, I just need-, I need time to think!"

"For fucks sake, you can't think your way out of this."

"No, please! I can-, I can fix this, I can fix you!"

Splintered wood.

"I never needed to be fixed. I needed to be accepted."

Locked door.

~~~~~

Percy heaves a heavy sigh. He speaks again, slightly muffled into the hip of the boy he's holding.

Well, man now, Percy thinks.

"You...I don't know why, but you make me feel safe."

Nico chuckles at that, light and airy. The 3am delirium must be getting to him.

"You just broke up with your girlfriend of, what was it? 5...6 years? And I'm the only one that's 100% on your side, of course you feel safe with me." Nico dissolves back into giggles at that and Percy soon joins him.

"No no no! It's differennnt!" he says, chest rumbling with giddiness.

"How is it 'differennnt'?" Nico mocks in a lower voice, and they both laugh at his poor impression until they're gasping for breath.

"I do not talk like that-!"

"You totally do."

As their laughter fizzles out, they feel more than listen to each other's breathing even out. Nico goes back to stroking Percy's hair, crown to nape, lightly scratching from time to time.

"Seriously though," Nico says,"how is it different?"

The night is quiet, save for the stray harpy screech or the crash of waves against a shore, and Nico waits patiently for Percy to answer him.

"I just…," Percy starts, and Nico listens.

I never feel like I have to hide from you. When I'm with you, I don't feel like I have to cater to this idealistic version of myself that everyone seems to have created in their heads. To you, I'm not "Perseus Jackson, Son of Poseidon, Hero & Saviour of Olympus". I'm Just Percy.

"With you, I feel raw," he says, his throat tight. Nico starts to shift but Percy holds him tighter.

"Hey, hey, I'm not going anywhere, just let me…" Percy's arms give a little and Nico moves further down the bed so that his upper back is supported by the pillows behind him as he cradles Percy's head to his chest. Percy takes a deep breath and when he lets it go, it's shuddering rhythm moves through the both of them like thunder in a storm.

"I just, I can't keep faking everything, you know? I can't keep pretending like I haven't been affected by the shit I've gone through. It's like half the camp sees me as some great hero who can do no wrong, and the other half expects me to be this-, this stupid jokester that's completely clueless to serious situations and it's so infuriating," he says,"especially with Annabeth. I've had to put on this mask of indifference for nearly 4 years since we got out. I've hidden almost every genuine emotion I've had. I can't do it anymore." he finishes with a huff, and with a start, Nico realizes that the front of his shirt is soaked through with tears.

Curse Percy for being a silent crier.

"Aw, mio tesoro, look at me," Nico says. He gently guides Percy's face up, cupping his cheeks and lightly brushing away the steadily falling tears. They make eye contact, bright green against deep brown, looking into each other's souls.

"You will never have to hide your true self from me."

A dam seems to break inside of Percy as his tears start falling faster. Nico just holds him, tries to sooth him as best as he can. Sometimes that's all you can do, Nico knows that. So he strokes his hair and waits.

After what feels like hours, Percy calms down. His eyes have dried up and he lets out a sniffle every few minutes.

"I'm sorry."

"Oh, don't worry about it," Nico says,"I never liked this shirt anyways."

"What? No, no, not for crying on you," Percy moves to look at Nico's soft smile, tightening his arms around him as if he was afraid Nico would disappear.

"I'm sorry I can't be what you want me to be right now."

Nico's hand falters for a second before picking back up.

"What do you wanna be?"

"I-"

Yours, Percy thinks. But I don't know if I deserve you yet.

"I don't know. But I don't want you to go."

"Trust me," Nico chuckles,"I'm not going anywhere."

"But, you've waited so long already and-"

"-and I can wait a little longer, love," Nico says. "I don't wanna force anything on you, ok? If you want more of a relationship than we have right now then that's cool. But it has to be something you genuinely want. Don't focus on me. Focus on yourself."

Percy is speechless. Not for the first time, he wonders how Nico can be so young yet so wise.

Lots of emotional pain, probably, his mind supplies. He doesn't want to think about who or what might've caused that so instead, he snuggles his face back into Nico's ruined shirt, dryer than it was before.

"Thank you," he says into Nico's chest.

"Anytime."

Nico cradles his head, and as they drift off to sleep, Percy lets himself be relieved that he can trust Nico with the knowledge of every single piece of him, and can let the layers upon layers of mask and shadow be peeled away like a roselily in bloom.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

tag list: @readwithlivvy @darkastcookies

(also, constructive criticism on this is totally cool, i feel like i didnt do a good job on this one lol)

#anti percabeth #percico #percico fanfic #percy jackson #nico di angelo #pjo #pjo fic #nico's writing :D #that's gonna be my writing tag me thinks

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omg-im-such-a-masochist · 4 years

Text

📽 📼LET’S (NOT) KEEP IT PG PART 3 📼 📽

Prompt: Drew and Y/N are reunited once again

Word count: Long!

Pairing: Drew McIntyre x Reader

Warnings: +18, fluff (by the end), smut, vaginal sex, anal sex, fingering, oral sex (male and female receiving), 69, anal plug, dirty talking, trichophilia (hair kink - pulling), asphyxiation kink (breath play - chocking) in other words: just pure filth😈

Tagging: @jibbles26 , @akiko-tanaka , @blondekel77 , @theworldofotps , @new-zealand-chic

Notes: Originally this shouldn’t be up until March but you already know me: I have no self respect at all! In a conversation with the lovely Marissa aka MJ, aka @howdareyouhydra. She asked if I could come up with a part 2 and 3 for the original “Let’s (Not) Keep It PG”. Part 1 and 2 are already up (you can read it on my Masterlist) and this is the finale: part 3! I thought to myself: Go big or go home! So here’s the result of it! Also: I tried to keep it “as real as possible” SPECIALLY with the first time anal thing. I just want to put it out there that communication is KEY and HIGHLY important kiddos, so please before doing the dirty business find someone who will truly care about you and your wellbeing! Not only with their own pleasure, ok?!...Y’all know the drill loves,sorry for misspellings,english isn’t my first language (bla bla bla),check out my other stories if you’d like to(it would make your girl here very happy 😊)You can check out my other stories on my Masterlist and my newest story as a fixed post. Okay,now let’s get to the fun part,shall we? Hope you’ll enjoy 😉

❤️Drewy❤️: I’ll be home in 20 minutes

I reread the message Drew sent me once more. Staring to feel the goosebumps all over my skin.

I was patiently waiting for him in the bedroom, dressed in a lavender mini circle skirt; nude underneath it, a white tulle crop top with my breasts bare and some sheer white medium length socks.

I listen to the sounds of Drew’s heavy footsteps upon the dark wooden stairs, that are now leading him to our bedroom.

The door swung open and an impatient Drew, dressed in a black dress shirt and pants comes in my direction.

“Finally!” He grunts, giving me a bear hug while inhaling deeply upon the nape of my neck “Argh, I missed ya so much. I missed your smell, your skin, your lips” He kisses me urgently.

“I missed you too baby, those two months without you were a literal hell” I close my grip tighter around his neck.

“I know, princess” He coos “But we’ll have one whole week to make up for lost time” Smiling he kissed me again

“How’s daddy’s little girl doing?” He whispered

“Lonely, without you,”

“We’ll fix that right away, love” He began to kiss my neck

“Daddy...I have a surprise for you” I smirked when he backed away to look at me

“Surprise?”

I nod “Yeah, while daddy was away I took the time to prepare myself so daddy can claim the one thing he hasn’t claimed yet”

I watch as all the blood from Drew’s face is drained in disbelief

“Did you really?” He breathlessly asked

“Yes, do you wanna see it daddy?” I deviously grinned

Drew just nods, completely speechless as I lean in all fours on top of the bed with my bottom facing him. He scooted closer and lift my skirt slowly up to my hips, moaning a long ‘fuck me’ in a thick accent when his eyes encounter the beautiful dark pink with a flower base, glass butt plug.

“Did you liked my surprise, daddy?” I smiled innocently, looking at him over my shoulder.

“Liked? Oh love, I hope you’re not planning to go somewhere tomorrow ‘cause I’m sure you won’t be able to even get up from the bed!” He caresses my butt cheeks “You’re so perfect, princess. So fucking perfect” He praised “Turn over and lay down for me, love”

Drew unbuttoned his dress shirt, eyes glued to mine. He slowly takes the shirt off, letting it slide through his arms until it reached the floor, followed by his pants and underwear.

He kneels down, dragging me closer to him. The movement made my skirt go up to my waist.

“I missed this sweet pussy” He let a glob of spit fall upon my clit so it would drip down to my entrance. Drew watched until his spit reached the bedsheet, only then leaning in to give me long, teasing licks until he focused on my clit and slid one finger in.

“You managed to get even tighter without daddy, love?” He added a second finger in “I can barely fit two fingers inside of you”

He moves his fingers at a slow pace as he incredibly softly sucks on my clit.

Low moans fell from my lips when he speeds the pace of his fingers and tongue

“Daddy, please” I beg

“What do you want, princess?”

“I want daddy’s cock on my mouth” I babble

Drew slowly removes his fingers, lay down on the bed and motions for me crawl to him.

“Straddle my face, baby” He says panting

As soon as he has his face between my thighs he pulls my core towards his face and I lean down to suck him off.

The bedroom soon filled with our muffled moans of pleasure. I can feel my orgasm reaching close, making me suck Drew even harder. He slides two fingers in, pumped twice and that was enough to make me reach my high. With Drew’s own orgasm followed by, once he feels my walls suck his fingers in.

I swallowed his seed, turning over to meet his blue eyes.

“Come here” He beckons me

I crawl to him, hovering his body. He rapidly pulled me up, so he could kiss me vigorously.

“Think you can take another round right now? ‘Cause I want that pussy AND that ass” He nibs my jaw

“I’ve been waiting two months for that. Ruin me, daddy” I smirked

“Oh princess, you should’ve chose wiser words” He laughs, entering my core in one swift motion and wasting no time to pound me roughly.

“Oh fuck” I moaned. The way the butt plug pushed my walls further to the front, made the whole pounding feel like it never felt before. The whole sensation was like being doubled penetrated.

Drew close his fingers around my neck, pressing it lightly as he kisses me, tossing his free arm around my waist to keep me in place.

“Did you missed daddy’s cock, princess?”

I nod lightly

He releases his grip on my neck to only keep my head in place by locking his thick fingers on top of my head, firmly gripping my hair.

“Did you missed the way how daddy’s cock stretches your pussy, love?”

I nod again

“I bet your vibrator can’t do that, can it?”

“No, daddy. Only you can” I whispered

“Argh” He growls and pounds me even harder “I love how your pussy feels around my cock baby” He pulls me down by my hair so his lips can whisper in my ear every kind of obscenity you can think off: how good I felt, how his cock missed me, how he couldn’t wait to fuck my ass...With every filthy word his accent grew thicker and thicker. Drew always knew that dirty talking was my weakness and also the fastest way to make me cum.

It didn’t take long for me to reach my second orgasm, he continued to pound me but this time it was softer, making the orgasm last longer.

Drew caresses my cheeks, whispering

“Are you ok?”

*Always so thoughtful* I thought

“I’ll be better once you fuck me in the ass” I giggled and he laughs

“There’s nothing that I want more right now than to fuck your ass, baby. But I don’t want to push ya too far...I don’t wanna hurt ya” He brushes my hair with his fingers

“Drew” I caress his beard “I love how much you care about my wellbeing, but trust me, tiger: You won’t hurt me and I’m still really turned on, so would you please, kindly, fuck me?” I bat my lashes

“You’re gonna kill me someday, woman” He grunts, carefully sliding out of me

“Where’s the lube?” He asks in a raspy voice

“Nightstand”

He got up from the bed and took the plastic bottle on his hand, leaning down to kiss me softly

“I love you Y/N”

“I love you too, Drewy”

He smiles fondly “Turn around, princess”

Drew squirted some of the lube on his length, carefully took out the glass plug and squirted more lube upon my hole, inserting one finger in and out

“Are you ready, love?”

“Drew, stop teasing me” I yelped

“So eager, aren’t you?” He laughs, positioning his cock’s head upon my hole, carefully entering me.

The feeling was...new, the fact that I took my time to prepare myself with the plugs undoubtedly helped, a lot! He entered easier than if I didn’t had, but at the same time Drew is thicker and bigger than the butt plug so the pressure was different. Not hurtful, just new. He was half way in when he stop it.

“Are you ok, baby?” He asks, drawing soothing circles with his palm on my back

“Yeah, it’s just different”

“Different good or different bad?”

“Different...weird” I laughed lightly

“Do you want me to stop?”

“No”

“Y/N, love. Talk to me, I need to know how you’re feeling” Worry surrounding his voice

“It doesn’t hurt or anything like that, if that’s what you’re worried about. It’s just that you’re bigger AND thicker than the plug, so it’s a new feeling that’s all. But not bad, you’ve got the green light Scotsman” I joke

“Ok” He chuckled “But if at anytime you feel like you wanna stop, you let me know ok?”

I nod

“I’m serious Y/N, at ANYTIME”

“Noted!” I mock him and gained a hard slap on my ass

Drew slowly moved until he was buried deep inside.

“Motherfucker” He faintly moaned and stayed still for what it felt like ages

“Drew, are you ok back there?” I mock “Aren’t you gonna move?” I ask

“Yeah, yeah, just give me a second” His voice breathless “I need to focus, because you feel too fucking good and I will be damned if I cum just now! So I just needed to breathe” He says and slowly started to move.

The once weird feeling became extremely erotic when he started to move. It was still different, but incredibly good.

“Daddy” I call

And look behind my shoulder to see Drew’s eyes glued to the sight of his cock going in and out of my ass and I could swear, I saw some drool escaping his lips. I’ve never seen him so turned on before and the vision woke up a primal part in me.

“Daddy” I call again, but this time louder

He awakens from his lust haze and stopped moving

“What’s wrong princess? Do ya want daddy to stop?”

“No” I whined “I want daddy to go faster”

“Faster? Are you sure?”

“Yes! Please daddy” My eyes pleaded to him

Drew circled one arm around my waist, pulling me up and out of my in all fours position so I could be kneeling down on the bed and started to increase his pace.

One arm around my waist, another vigorously gripping my hip and a fast pounding got me moaning loudly.

He started to bite my cheek, neck and jaw line, making me lift my arm up so I could bury my fingers on his dark hair, keeping his face glued to mine.

Drew releases his grip upon my hips to roam down and rub my clit.

“In, put it in, please” I babble incoherently but he (thankfully) understood

Entering my core with two fingers and roughly finger fucking me.

It was all too much and too good. His cock inside my hole, his fingers in my core, the biting, the moaning...it was all so dirty and lustful.

“I’m gonna need you to cum princess, Right now!” He mumbled

With two more thrusts I came the most eye rolling orgasm I’ve ever had in my life! I was coming down from my high, when I felt Drew pulling out and the hot spurts of his thick seed landing on my butt cheeks.

I collapse onto the bed, with Drew landing by my side a few seconds later, after cleaning us up.

“That was...beyond this world” I mumbled with my face pressed against the mattress

He laughed loudly before saying

“YOU are beyond this world!” He pulls me towards him like a rag doll, turning me over so I could lay on my back “Are you ok?”

“Drew, I’m fine! More than fine” I giggled

“Are you sure I wasn’t too rough?”

I lightly touch the frown between his eyebrows “You’re never too rough, you’re a perfect gentleman every single time” I pecked his lips

He shyly smiles, slightly blushing

“Thank you for the surprise. I really, really loved” He said and stared at me for a few minutes

“What?” I ask, feeling incredibly exposed due to his intense staring

“You’re so beautiful, on the outside undoubtedly! But on the inside as well. Just so beautiful...I can’t imagine my life without you” His voice is in pure awe

I never knew how to react whenever he said those sort of sweet and deep words to me, Drew was always the romantic one: expressing himself, talking about his feelings and wishes. Me? I was the complete opposite: shut down, didn’t like to show that many emotions, didn’t knew how to express my feelings. I was ‘the ice queen’ as he used to tease me ever since we’ve met. It took me precisely 2 YEARS to take the courage to finally say that I loved him, when he was able to do it after 2 months!

I didn’t knew how to reply to his beautiful, kind, loving words so I decided to deal with it, my way: Break the uncomfortableness with a joke

“Does that means my Voodoo dolls have worked then?” I narrowed my eyes “You got no choice but to stay with me forever, McIntyre” I chanted as if it was a spell

He laughs like a child, cups my cheeks and says

“I do have a choice, love! And I choose you, everyday! Today, tomorrow and forever! My one only gal” He winks and I blushed

Already thinking what other joke could I crack in order to break the spell he casted on me now...

Please let me know your thoughts on this? Feedback is always appreciated 🥰😘

#drew mcintyre imagine #drew mcintyre smut #drew mcintyre fanfic #drew mcintyre x oc #drew mcintyre x reader #drew mcintyre one shot #drew galloway #drew mcintyre #wwe x reader #wwe smut #wwe imagine #wwe fanfiction #wwe one shot #masochist writes

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blackandgoldandeverythingnice · 3 years

Text

i don’t remember me (before you) - j. debrusk

Pairing: Jake DeBrusk x female!OC

Summary: Could it be more cliche than falling in love with your neighbor when she wasn’t exactly available?

Word Count: 5,676

A/N: Initially I planned this to be a one shot then it just kind of snowballed. I have about 25k words written so far so should update frequently (should anyone actually read it!) Also, it has been FOREVER since I’ve written/posted anything (what up 1D blog that’s still out there) so if I mess anything up, please let me know!

Warnings: adult themes, alcohol consumption, abuse, shitty boyfriend/ex-boyfriend, swearing, [pls tell me if I missed any that you think should be tagged]

part i

“And I've heard stories 'bout the boy I used to be But I don't remember me I don't remember me before you” -brothers osbourne

--- --- --- --- --- ---

“You better get your girl.” Charlie nodded towards the bar but Jake was already staring at her, watching as she threw back another shot before accepting the drink that was bought for her.

He frowned slightly. “Not my girl.” But he was up and moving before the words were even out of his mouth.

Approaching the bar he could hear the sleezy guy that currently had his hand on her waist, leaning down to talk to her despite the fact that she’d clearly had too much to drink. “If you’re interested, I could – ”

“She’s not.” Jake cut in, sliding between the stranger and her, planting his body so he was completely shielding her from him. “Leenie, you good?”

Alina could barely focus, her gray eyes were half closed as she looked up at him. It took a beat longer than it should’ve before she was smiling happily and wrapping around his waist. “Jed! Hi! Been here long?”

Jake sighed, rubbing at the small of her back. “Leen – we got here together, remember?”

She frowned in confusion, pulling back before peering around him. “Did you meet my new friend? Uhh…this guy?”

Jake rolled his eyes at the smug look at the creep’s face behind them. “See bro, she is interested.”

“She can barely stand, man. Why don’t you fuck off.”

“I’ll get her home.” The guy said, trying to reach around him to get to Alina which was the wrong thing to do.

Jake turned quickly, making sure he was fully blocking Alina as he glared down at the guy. “I’m not gonna say it again – get the fuck away from her.”

“What’re you? Her boyfriend? Because she wasn’t acting like she’s got a boyfriend.” The smug smirk on his face made him want to punch it off.

He stepped closer to the guy, vibrating with anger and barely noticing that Charlie and Kurls had appeared at his side. “You’ve got about ten seconds to get the fuck away from us.”

“Jake – chill.” Charlie grabbed his arm but stayed close enough that the guy recognized he was outnumbered.

“Whatever, drunk slut isn’t worth it.” The guy finally stepped back, holding his hands up in defeat. Jake took another step forward, the rage at this stranger boiling over but Sean stepped in between them and pushed him back.

“Bro, come on. Don’t do this.” Sean shouted over the music but it didn’t help calm him until he felt a small hand on his waist, tugging at the belt loop gently.

Next, she wrapped her arms around his waist, pressing her cheek against his back. He instantly relaxed, leaning into her touch and waving Sean and Charlie away from him.

“I’m fine, guys. Gonna get her home.”

Both Charlie and Sean frowned, grimacing slightly at the way Jake wrapped a protective hand around her wrist. He knew his friends weren’t the biggest fan of his relationship with Alina but he also didn’t really care.

“Why don’t you just put her in an Uber? It’s still early – you should stay and have fun.” Charlie urged, nodding in the direction of the table they had where a few girls were hovering around it.

Jake glared, as if he would ever just throw her in a car to get rid of her. “I’ll see you guys tomorrow.”

The guys gave up and left them. Jake turned so he was facing Alina, putting a protective arm around her waist and pressing on the small of her back. She was unsteady on her heels, clinging onto his waist.

She frowned slightly, “You can stay! You should stay! I can stay!”

“Leens, come on – how bout I get you home and we can get some food?”

“McDonalds?!” she grinned, leaning even heavier into him.

“Whatever you want, let’s just go.” He mirrored her smile, feeling a little bloom of victory in his stomach when she nodded and let him start walking them towards the exit.

It was easy to wrangle her into an Uber, if only because lately he’d had a lot of practice doing so. The second they were both in the back, she was toppling over a bit, tugging his arm so she could nuzzle into his side. Her long dark hair was up in a thick braided ponytail and rested on his arm, stray hairs tickling him slightly. The makeup she’d carefully applied a few hours ago was smeared a little like she’d been rubbing at her eyes and she reeked of vodka.

He should be annoyed that his neighbor had once again gotten too drunk. He should be annoyed that his night had been cut short when there had definitely been a couple girls that were interested in him at the bar.

Instead, he was exactly where he wanted to be. Despite his warnings, she hadn’t brought a jacket out so she was burrowing into him for warmth. He tightened his grip, rubbing her bare arm softly. She was chattering away at him but in Russian and he smiled slightly down at her, nudging his nose into her cheek.

“I barely understand English, Leens let alone whatever you’re saying right now.”

She gave him a sloppy smile, reaching up to press a kiss to his jaw. He tensed slightly, knowing how much more affectionate she was after drinking and how it never seemed to mean anything to her. “Sorry, Jed! I was saying we should get a twenty piece to split plus burgers and fries and maybe McFlurries?”

“How’re you the tiniest human yet you eat the most?”

Huffing, she rolled her eyes up at him comically. “Like you aren’t my fellow trash racoon?”

He laughed, throwing his head back and squeezing her side playfully. There was no one that made him laugh like she did. In no time, they were pulling up to their building and Jake stepped out first before offering his hand to help her out. Like a baby deer, she stumbled slightly in her heels and he caught her around the waist, shutting the door with his hip. Approaching the entrance, he tried to move as quickly as possible with how cold it was but Alina had gotten distracted being back outside and tried to wiggle from his grip to go god knew where.

Sighing, Jake just caught her around the waist and lifted her into his arms, smiling at her disgruntled squeal.

“Jakeeee, come on – we can go to the bar!”

“We just came from a bar. I thought you wanted food.” He distracted her, talking to her as he made his way towards the door. Luckily their doorman noticed him and hurried over to open it for him.

“Mr. DeBrusk. Miss Agapov. Doing well?” Johnny asked, politely ignoring the fact that Alina was being carried into the building. Jake tried to adjust her so that no one nearby could see up her dress and he ended up with his hand on her ass. He tried not to think about it, tried not to react to holding her like this.

“All good, can you hit the button for us?”

“Of course, sir.”

As the elevator doors open he sighed gratefully to see it was empty, stepping in and thanking Johnny when he hit the seventeen for them.

Alina was grumbling again under her breath and Jake just tightened his grip.

“I’ll put you down when we’re inside.” He responded, despite not knowing what she said.

“We are inside.” She pouted back at him and he just grinned, pressing a kiss to her temple.

“Inside an apartment. Then I’ll get you food. You wanted a salad, right?”

She pouted again, stating to ramble about what they should actually order and he grinned down at her. Finally, they were stepping off on the top floor and walking towards his apartment.

“Wait! I want comfies!”

Jake just kept walking. “I’ll give you sweats, Leen. If you go into your apartment, you’ll try to escape me.”

“I promise I won’t leave you, Jakey.” Her breath was hot on his neck, and he swallowed hard, thankful they were at his door. Carefully, he set her down on her feet and she immediately wiggled out of her over the knee boots, slightly steadier now that she wasn’t in four-inch heels. Pushing the door open, Alina ducked under his arm so she was in first, dropping her boots at the door and wandering towards his bedroom.

“I get to change first! You order. You know what I like.” And then she was disappearing through the door like she owned the place.

Jake sighed, running a hand through his hair as he pulled his phone from his back pocket to order for them. There were a few texts from the guys, one from a girl he’d hooked up with last season, asking if she’d just seen him at the bar, and various other notifications. He frowned at the one from McAvoy that amounted to calling him an idiot for leaving with Alina. The guys didn’t get it, didn’t understand what was happening between him and her.

He’d moved into the new building in Southie at the start of last season, excited about having an apartment on the top floor with views of the seaport and the city. Getting off the elevator right after he’d gotten the keys and before the movers had even arrived, he’d run into Alina.

Literally.

She had come out of the other elevator and was looking at her phone leading her to walk right into him. He remembered that day like it had just happened this morning. She was sweaty from a workout and in a pair of leggings and crop top, long hair up in a braid like it had been tonight. She’d sworn in Russian when they’d collided, and he was initially worried he wouldn’t be able to talk to her at all.

But then she’d grinned at him, introducing herself and explaining that she lived at the other end of the hall, welcoming him to the building. It was only a minute of interacting as they went in opposite directions but he’d turned to stare as she went and flushed when he caught her doing the same.

Then later that afternoon she’d come by with a bottle of vodka and pack of toilet paper, grinning as she told him that was all an apartment ever needed. He’d been hooked on her ever since.

Except despite their friendship and the easy way that they fit, she still remained a bit of a mystery to him. She’d been dating someone when they first met, some squat angry looking guy whose English was so bad Jake could barely understand him. It was like a bad rom-com, falling in love with your neighbor when she was oblivious to your feelings. He’d watched as her boyfriend became her ex then was back to her boyfriend again. Held her while she’d sobbed into his chest because she thought he was cheating on her. Then nearly gotten himself arrested when he’d tried to go after him when he’d seen the bruises on her upper arm in the shape of fingers and the tender way she hunched over when Jake had tickled her side during a movie night.

But then Jake had to leave for the summer and he had been sick with worry about who would watch out for her while he wasn’t in Boston. She had a few work friends, a few girls she still saw from nursing school and a couple girls from the boxing studio she went to that would go out for drinks but for the most part it seemed like her life was intertwined with her boyfriend’s.

They’d FaceTimed throughout the summer and Jake had eyed her carefully every time, trying to assess if she was as okay as she claimed to be. Arriving back in town for camp, he’d been shocked to see she’d lost weight, appearing even smaller than she had before. There were deep bags under her eyes and she wasn’t the happy, light person she’d been the previous year.

Then a month and a half ago, Alina had shown up at his apartment at three in the morning, apologizing as she held back tears, asking if she could come in and it had taken him a minute of blinking the sleep from his eyes to notice the swelling of her cheek. Swallowing back the rage he felt, he just pulled her into his arms, hugging her tightly and promising her he’d look out for her.

This time the breakup had stuck. Alina seemed to be starting to recover from a relationship she never talked about but Jake knew was abusive. It had taken nearly three weeks for the bruise on her cheek to fade and heal completely. Since then she’d been partying more. Going out a few times a week, stumbling home or calling Jake to help her.

But there was also the fact that every second they weren’t at their respective jobs, they were together. They lounged on his couch and he taught her how to play Fortnite. She made him pierogis and forced him to be her sous chef as she did. He got her breakfast when she got off her nightshifts at the hospital, leaving it at her door so she wouldn’t have to make something when she was drained from twelve hours on her feet. She started to come to his games, wearing his away jersey and cheering from along the glass.

The guys didn’t understand it. They thought it was pathetic in some way, how he’d drop anything to help her or how he’d rather FaceTime with her on the road than go out to the bar. Admittedly, he was whipped for a girl he wasn’t even dating. But at the end of the day, he didn’t give a shit. She was fiercely loyal and protective of him, biting back angrily at some of the guys who dared chirp him in front of her.

Tapping at his phone, Jake quickly ordered their usual before going into the kitchen to get a soda for himself and water for Alina. She emerged from his room, a pair of his sweatpants on and her favorite t-shirt of his from his WHL days. She’d undone her hair and it fell down her back in crinkly waves as she tripped slightly on her way to the kitchen.

“Vodka?”

“No vodka, my little Russian doll. Water.”

She gave an exaggerated pout. “Why do I have to drink water? You never drink water!”

“I got you a diet coke for your meal, just drink a little water first.” He bargained.

It was funny because she was right: he didn’t give a shit about what he put into his own body but somehow when it came to her, he made sure she was eating vegetables and hydrating, getting enough sleep after her nightshifts and not pushing herself too hard.

Fuck, I’m in over my head.

They settled on the couch, turning on the episode of Criminal Minds that they’d been in the middle of watching. As always, Alina started out with space between but within minutes she was sprawled out, snuggled into his chest and mumbling comments about the show, talking about Spence and how Jake kinda reminded her of him.

“Leens, I’m dumb as bricks, how do I remind you of him?”

She pinched his thigh. “Be nice to yourself. And you’re both like goofy cute and really sweet.”

Jake blushed a little, glancing down at her. “Goofy cute? Is that a compliment?”

Now it was Alina’s turn to blush as she caught his stare, looking up at him softly. “You know I think you’re perfect.”

She sat up, her face inches from his. Jake inhaled sharply because she was looking at him more seriously than she ever did, eyes wide as she stared at him. “Leen…”

“Jake, I – ” they started at the same time and Jake smiled, nodding at her to speak first.

“I – thank you. For taking me home. And being so good to me. I don’t deserve you.”

He brushed her hair back off her face, “I don’t deserve you.”

“All I do is cause problems for you.” She said softly, dropping her stare from his. “Your friends hate me.”

“They just don’t know you like I do.”

Her next words surprised him as she continued to drunkenly ramble. “I shouldn’t cock block you like I always do. You deserve someone sane and that makes you happy and isn’t a train wreck.”

He swallowed hard, not sure why she was talking about him with other girls. There’d been hook ups since he met her but it was always half-hearted and just someone to scratch the itch because all he really wanted was the girl next to him. And to be honest, the last time he’d been with anyone had been in July. That was over four months ago.

“Alina, I like being with you.” His heart was pounding. This was the closest he’d ever come to admitting he was in love with her. The closest he’d ever come to telling her how he felt.

“Jake…” she started, inching closer and he smiled a little because up close he could see a tiny freckle in her eye that he’d never noticed before. There was a tiny shift in the air and it felt like everything faded around them until all he could focus on was her.

And then a loud bang on the door startled them both.

“Fuck, the food.” He jumped up, throwing the door open to see the delivery driver. He grabbed the bag and drinks out of his hand, shouting a thank you as he closed the door. Turning around, Alina was sitting up, a dazed look on her face as she stared at him. He wasn’t sure what she was thinking but he gave her a grin that she returned.

Holding up the bag wordlessly, she popped up and bounded over to help him, taking the drinks from his hand and going into the kitchen to get them plates. For some reason, in all their late-night binges, she always made him put it on a real plate. The mood officially ruined, he flopped back onto the couch, waiting for her to return so they could eat.

--- ---

“Dude, I just don’t get it. You’re with her all the fucking time and she’s kind of a nightmare.”

Jake practically snarled, throwing a balled-up napkin at Charlie’s face. “Can you just leave it alone, Chuck? What’s the big deal that I’m friends with my neighbor?”

Pasta snorted. “Friends? That what it called?”

“He wishes they weren’t friends.” Gryz cut in, leaning across the aisle to join in on everyone’s favorite game of ‘Give Jake Shit’.

“Guys – just fucking stop. I don’t want to talk about Alina right now.” He pulled at his hair, frustrated that they continued to bring up his relationship (or lack thereof) with Alina. It was a favorite topic of discussion this season especially since she’d gone to almost every home game, wearing his jersey. She waited for him after each game and if the guys were going out, she was usually there too unless she had work. They couldn’t quite understand how or why Jake was expending so much energy on a girl he was ‘just friends’ with.

They’d been on a week-long road trip and Jake had only gone out once, shutting down any advances from girls and instead spending half the time at the bar texting Alina funny memes for when she finished her shift. During the time he’d been away she had taken on extra hours, so she was coming off four days of twelve-hour stints so that she could have off days while he was home.

“Nah, you just want to text her and call her and fall asleep on FaceTime with her. You talk to her more than I talk to Ki.”

Jake sighed. “That sounds like more of a problem with your relationship than mine.” He grumbled, putting his headphones on and turning his music up.

The flight wasn’t long and Jake spent most of it bouncing his leg up and down, scrolling through his phone and rereading his texts with Alina. Since that weird moment they’d had a little over two weeks ago, the tone of their interactions had shifted. She was softer and cuddlier than she’d ever been, more open and chatty about what was going on in her day to day life.

They’d be landing around one in the morning and he was planning on texting her to see if she’d come sleep with him when she got off her shift.

That was the other new development: sleepovers. Before, no matter how tired she was, Alina would always rouse herself from the couch, untangle her limbs from his and go home to her own bed. But after they’d binged on McDonalds and finished two episodes of Criminal Minds, she’d just walked into his bedroom like it was natural and crawled into his bed, turning her back to him then kicking him until he realized she wanted him to be the big spoon.

Since then they’d slept in the same bed every night he was in town, whether his apartment or hers. Wherever they happened to end the night, that’s the bed they’d get into. On the nights that she was working, he’d toss and turn having already gotten used to being wrapped around her body. By the time she got home, he was usually up and getting ready to go to practice so she’d bring him a coffee and sit with him, having a glass of wine while she tried to unwind after her nights at work. She was a Neonatal nurse and worked at the NICU at Boston’s Children Hospital. Sometimes she came home, a broad smile on her face because a baby had been strong enough to be discharged. But sometimes…sometimes she came home ashen, reluctant to speak and just wanting to sit and listen to Jake talk about nothing at all.

Tapping his foot, Jake glanced at his phone for what felt like the hundredth time that flight but this time they were only about twenty minutes away from landing. He hadn’t spoken to the guys since they’d kept at him about her but now Charlie was elbowing him in the side, gesturing for him to pull his headphones off.

“What, Chuck?” he sighed, turning to face him.

“I promise we’re not trying to be assholes about Alina. We’re worried is all.”

Jake frowned. “Worried about what?”

Charlie sighed, taking his glasses off and rubbing his eyes tiredly. “You don’t see it, you don’t see what you’re like around her. It’s obvious dude, she’s not just a friend.”

“I know that.” Jake started. “I – I care about her. A lot.”

“No shit.” Charlie smiled slightly. “But…how much do you actually know about her? She lives in a really nice apartment on a nurse’s salary. And her ex is like some Russian thug. And she’s…well, Alina is sweet but there’s – I don’t know man, there’s something dark about her.”

“Dark?” Jake hissed. “You don’t even know her – you guys have barely ever given her a chance.”

“She’s bit my head off plenty of times just because we chirped you.”

“And?” he raised an eyebrow. “You think there’s something wrong with her because she defends me?”

“Fuck. I’m not explaining it right.” He grumbled back, wiping his palms on his pants. “It’s just – I don’t know, it seems like she’s hiding something.”

“She’s private around people she doesn’t know. Believe me, she tells me everything.”

“She tell you about her ex hitting her?” Charlie threw back and Jake winced.

“Low blow, man. I’m not gonna push her on it. They’re done and she’s safe now, I don’t need her to talk about it.”

Charlie sighed, seeming to give up on arguing. “Just – be careful, okay? You’re a good guy, we all want you to be happy and if Alina ends up being it, great. But just…be careful.”

“Thanks, mom.” He responded sarcastically but gave a smile so he wasn’t being a total dick.

“Listen – bring her over tomorrow night. We’re doing couples wine and cheese at my place, maybe it’ll be good to get her around the other girls.”

Jake hesitated; he wasn’t sure that would be best but he did want Alina to get to know some of the other girls. He liked to think they were making their way towards being more than just friends so he wanted her to feel comfortable with the other wives and girlfriends.

“I’ll ask her.” He finally agreed and Charlie nodded, offering his fist out until Jake reluctantly tapped it.

By the time they’d landed, and he made it to his car it was just past one. Still amped up from the game plus dealing with his asshole teammates on the flight home, he got into his car heading towards the hospital but making a quick stop on the way.

By the time he’d parked and made his way into the hospital it was nearly two in the morning. He checked the directory, finding the floor he needed before walking confidently towards the elevator bank in case security decided to stop him. He’d never been to her work so he felt a little lost as he wandered off the elevator, following the signs towards the NICU.

There was a nurse’s station at the entry and locked glass doors that he needed to be buzzed through. Luckily the first face he saw was Alina’s.

“Jed!” she smiled in surprise, her eyes glowing with happiness. “What’re you doing here?”

Two other nurses were clustered at the desk and they both smiled at the sight of him, eyes widening in recognition. He wasn’t sure if it was because they were Bruins fans or because Alina talked about him. He hoped it was the latter.

“Wanted to bring my girl coffee.” He grinned, holding up the box o’ joe he’d picked up at the 24-hour Dunkins near the airport. “And munchkins.”

He held up his other hand and Alina grinned, buzzing the door open so he could enter. He was happy he’d brought enough for her coworkers because the two older women were smiling at him, thanking him profusely for fresh coffee and the snacks.

Jake smiled softly as Alina walked towards him. He opened his arms and she stepped into them like it was second nature. He felt something loosen in his chest that he hadn’t even realized was tight but now that he was hugging her close, his nose pressed to the top of her head, any worry or stress he’d been holding onto over the last week melted away.

“Thank you, Jakey.” She pulled back to look at him, smiling softly. She was quiet for a moment, biting gently on her lower lip before she spoke again. “I missed you.”

He felt his heart literally skip a beat as he cradled her face. “I missed you too, Leenie.”

They stared at each quietly for a long moment and Jake drank in the sight of her in person instead of through an iPhone screen. He always worried about her when he was away but she seemed perfectly fine although there were deep bags under her eyes that he hoped only came from night shifts.

“You should go, I have rounds.” She sighed, grasping onto his waist tightly in opposition to her words. “And get some sleep, you had a good game tonight.”

“You watched?” he grinned.

“I always do.”

He couldn’t help it, he leaned forward and pressed a kiss to her forehead, hating that he couldn’t kiss her for real. “Get back to work. I’ll see you at home?”

She nodded and dropped her voice lower. “Can I come sleep with you?”

“Like I’d ever say no to that.” He pulled her into another tight hug and pressed a final kiss to her cheek before leaving, feeling happier than he had all week.

--- ---

It was just about 8:30 AM when Jake felt the bed dip next to him and the scent of Alina’s freshly washed hair invade his subconscious. He didn’t need to be up for a few more hours so he rolled onto his side to blindly grab for her body.

“Mmm, you smell good.” He muttered, pulling her against his chest as she looped an arm around his waist. He blinked his eyes open to see her soft smile and freshly cleaned face. Her cheeks were slightly flushed from the warmth of her shower and her wet hair was soaking slightly into his pillow.

“What time do you have practice?” she whispered, nuzzling into his chest. “So hairy, can we wax you?”

He snorted a laugh, cheating his fingers under her t-shirt to tickle her side. As was routine, she was in his old WHL t-shirt but after waking up sweating one too many times, she’d started sleeping in a tiny pair of shorts that tended to cause a problem when he’d wake up before her with her smooth legs tucked between his.

“No waxing, chest hair makes me look tough.”

“Who is telling you this? I need to have words with them.”

“Ladies love the chest hair.” He smirked down at her and she pinched his side in response.

“I don’t like you talking about other girls.” She mumbled and his heart flipped a little at her admission. “How long do we have to sleep?”

“It’s optional skate today so I’m all yours.” Her happy smile was interrupted with a yawn and he tucked her hair behind her ear. “Go to sleep, Leens. We’ll catch up when you wake up.”

Despite what she said about his chest hair, she still burrowed into him, pressing a kiss to just over his heart before promptly falling asleep. It was something he marveled at, the way the second her eyes closed, she was out. Jake especially liked it because it meant he could watch her sleep without feeling like an insane creep.

He trailed a finger down the bridge of her nose, trying to memorize the softness of her face when she was asleep and how peaceful she looked. Charlie’s words had been bouncing around his head for the last few hours, the way he’d said there was something dark and secretive about her. It was true that she didn’t talk about her family or her past really except to talk about her time in Boston. He knew she’d graduated from NYU’s nursing program before coming to Boston as she worked towards becoming a neonatal nurse but she never talked about her family except to say that she’d moved to NYC after leaving Russia when she was ten years old.

Jake wasn’t even sure how she’d met her ex, only knowing that they’d been together for a long time but he had nothing else really specific. He frowned slightly as he watched her, the even breathing and the slight fluttering of her lashes as she dreamed.

Was Chuck right? Did he really not know her at all?

Scanning his memory, he came up empty on the details of her childhood or family but he knew other things about her that felt just as important.

He knew how she did laundry on Sunday starting exactly at 9 AM so that she’d have clean scrubs for the week and then she’d lay them out, labeled for each day. He knew how she always made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich, and a peanut butter and fluff sandwich to bring to work, one she ate a couple hours after her shift started and the other towards the end. Sometimes she cried because she felt bad for some of the killers on Criminal Minds. She hated running but loved boxing. She ran hot, telling him the cold of Boston was nothing compared to Russia and would routinely forget to bring a coat with her out on winter nights. She hated sushi but loved caviar.

Maybe that didn’t seem like a lot to the guys, maybe they thought of knowing someone as knowing every member of their family or their fifth-grade teacher, but Jake knew Alina, knew in his heart that she was complex and confusing but that didn’t matter because she was perfect to him.

Pushing all of the doubts from his head, he pressed a kiss to her forehead, pulling her more tightly into his chest and closing his eyes to get a few more hours of sleep.

--- ---

“So…tonight Chuckie is gonna have a few people over for like wine and cheese night or some shit.”

Alina frowned slightly, looking a little sad at his words for some unknown reason. “Cool – that’s fine, let me know if you want to hang out when you get back or I can just see you tomorrow.”

“Leen, I was asking you to come.” Jake sighed, stepping around the counter to sit next to her as she ate breakfast at 3 PM.

Her mouth dropped open into a round little ‘oh’ and her cheeks flushed slightly. “Er…are you sure? That sounds kinda like a team thing.”

“Chuck specifically invited you.”

Alina arched an eyebrow at him suspiciously and he tried to keep a blank face, knowing she’d be able to read that something else had been behind the invite. But she seemed to set aside any more questions she had and cautiously smiled. “Okay, yeah. That sounds fun. I like cheese.”

Jake snorted and before he could stop himself replied “I like you.”

There was an awkward beat of silence and Jake flushed, cringing internally. But to his surprise, Alina just smiled a little before she spoke softly, “I like you too.”

#jake debrusk #jake debrusk fic #writing #hockey fanfic #hockey fic #nhl fic #hockey writing #boston bruins fic #hockeyblr #okay #v scared to share this #especially because I literally have 8 followers #but i'm new here #(she doesn't even go here)#but yeah #give it a shot

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youvebeenlivingfictional · 4 years

Text

I’m Always Curious Part Twenty Eight

Previous Part | Next Part | Masterlist Notes: I hope everyone’s having a good week 💕

Sooo….. How are we doing…………….

Warnings: ....Less angst than last week? I think? I mean by my gauge anyway y’all might disagree

Also cursing and mentions of canon-typical violence Summary: “I don’t want to sound insensitive or glib, Kat, but this better be fucking good.”

Can we talk? I had taken my time in answering Una’s message.

Maybe it was a little petty of me, but it was the first time she’d reached out to me in months, and I was tired. Despite the fact that the armistice between the Federation and the Klingons was in effect ahead of the Peace Accord in Paris, my work had yet to be completed. I’d been selected and summoned back to the Academy by Starfleet High Command to work closely with a number of other Comms specialists and the Klingons to draw up a treaty that would be beneficial to both sides, and would help to ensure that the armistice held. Are you going to hang up again? Was my answer, finally. Her response stunned me - but then, Una typically found a way to catch me off-guard. It would be difficult for me to hang up on you in person.

-- I had this inexplicable urge to hug her, if only to ensure that we were both there, both real and solid, but I knew that Una was not a hugger. Instead I nodded to her as she slid into the booth seat across from mine. I’d taken up brief residence in one of the vacated mess hall spaces in the Academy while I’d waited for her. “How much time have you got?” She asked. “About an hour. It’s technically lunch break.” “We can get something to eat.” “I’m not hungry.” “...How are you?” She asked after a moment. “I’m not sure you deserve that answer.” I didn’t mean to snap, but— seeing Una in person, seemingly unchanged after what I had gone through - after Somonia, after the war, and after she had been so harsh to me, I was not in a mood to be warm and cuddly. Una nodded a little, unflinching. “I do deserve that,” She conceded, “I was...Processing. I should not have said that to you, it was a blatant disregard for your feelings. I’m sorry.” “...Well,” I bristled a little, “Thank you for that.” I glanced out of the window for a moment, gathering myself before asking, “So, why are you on Earth?” “There was a hitch in installing the new Holographic Communications System, it had to be brought in to space dock.” “Crew’s in one piece?” “Yes.” “Are you the only one down here?” “...Yes.” I lowered my gaze to my hands again. “Why did you want to meet with me?” I asked. Una stood and walked around to my side of the booth, sliding in to sit beside me. I didn’t turn to look at her, and she didn’t push for me to. “When...Spock told me that you were alive,” She said softly, “When he brought the timeline to me, the evidence… There was some little part of me that almost hoped he’d made it all up-- Not because I wanted you to be gone,” She hurried to explain, “But because I… Could not fathom the fact that we had left you behind. And seeing your medical file, reading the briefing that you gave Command-- the hell that you went through. If we’d turned back when Cornwell contacted us--” “You couldn’t have known--” “That shouldn’t have stopped us,” Una insisted, “We should’ve gone back, should’ve...Made sure.” I glanced over at Una to find her staring ahead of us, shoulders and jaw tight. “It was hard, watching the crew learn that you were gone. You were missed, you were needed, but seeing the news spread that you were alive, that you’d been drafted into service for the war so soon after you were found— And that we were constantly being told to stay out of the war on top of it … I was angry. I focused that anger in the wrong place when we spoke,” She admitted, turning to meet my eye, “I have regretted that every single day.” I felt tears prickling at my eyes and I lowered my eyes to the gold fabric of her uniform, clenching my jaw. “I’m not apologizing for not telling you,” I shook my head, "I’m sure Cornwell was monitoring my communications, and I don’t know what the repercussions would’ve been-- for either party.” “Considering the Admiral’s tendency to run a tight ship, as it were, I understand. I think you did the right thing...Commander,” Una tipped her head forward as she addressed me by my new rank. I rolled my eyes a little, a small smile creeping onto my face. It had been a battlefield promotion for the sake of my ability to command a small vessel during the Battle of Xisad, one of the last battles fought during the war. Cornwell had promoted me herself. “You know I had to take the Bridge Officer’s test when I got back?” I told Una, slouching down in my seat a little bit, “Just to make it official. They told me that if I didn’t, my rank would revert. I almost let it go.” “Why didn’t you?” “Durling.” “Eli Durling?” I nodded, humming, “Bastard goaded me, said I wouldn’t pass first try, so it wasn’t worth bothering.”

Una smiled. “Stubborn as stone,” She shook her head. “Don’t start,” I began to laugh, and it soon overtook the two of us. As it settled, I gathered my courage to ask the question that had been sitting on the tip of my tongue since Una had told me she was the only one on Earth. “Where is he?” “He’s on Starbase five at the moment. Visiting someone.” “Is he alright?” “Yes.” “And he...He knows?” Una frowned, nodding a little. “Of course he knows,” She confirmed, “You haven’t spoken to him?” “No. He hasn’t reached out and I...I didn’t, I wasn’t sure,” I admitted. I suddenly felt jittery-- sharp, and sensitive. It was like I’d taken a gulp of the worst kind of Koutovian tea. “So--” I cleared my throat, “When do you leave?” “In a few hours, most likely. Starfleet’s set us another mission. Do you know where you’ll be stationed next?” “No. I don’t know how long we’ll be working on the treaty and Command doesn’t want to set me to another post prematurely.” “I understand.” I could see the disappointment in Una’s eyes, but rather than say anything, she just tipped her chin up a little bit. “Do you think you’ll leave Communications for Helm now?” She prodded, and I snorted. We both knew the answer to that.

-- Tilly and I nearly knocked one another over with the force of our embrace. I squeezed her as tight as I could, grinning from ear to ear, wholly uncaring that the transporter room crew and the Cornwell were nearby. “I have to check on where you’re staying, but um-- I’ll come and find you and show you and-- excuse me, Admiral,” Tilly ducked around Cornwell before hurting out of the transporter bay.

The Admiral arched a brow at the sight of me before gesturing for me to follow her. I fell into step beside her, glancing around. The Discovery hadn’t changed since my last stint on it, of course, but it was surreal to be back on the ship that I thought had been destroyed. But as nice as it was to be on a starship with no threat of war, I was not in the best mood. Treaty completed, peace talks aside, Peace Accord signed, I had been afforded leave. Shortly after that leave had been granted, I'd received a message from Admiral Cornwell.

“I don’t want to sound insensitive or glib, Kat, but this better be fucking good.” “You’re not in uniform.” “No. I’m not, because technically, officially, I am not here,” I reminded Cornwell as I cast her a sidelong glance, “Were those not your exact words?” “They were.” “Well, then if I am still technically, officially on leave,” I gestured to my civvies, “Then why would I be in uniform?” “You’re in a fine mood.” “Do I need to remind you what happened the last time you pulled me off of leave for an assignment?” I retorted. “The Discovery has been tasked with chasing down signals that have appeared in varying points throughout the galaxy.” I frowned. “I thought that the Enterprise had been tasked with that directive.” “It had, but it experienced catastrophic system-wide failures. The Discovery took over the mission.” “And I’m here because…?” “There is a colony on the way to the next point that’s in need of monitoring. Starfleet is not interfering, but we’re keeping an eye on them. We need you--” “A Tag and Run?” I asked, stunned, “You’ve really pulled me off of leave for a Tag and Run? Why not pull Durling?” “I have. He’ll be here in a few hours to oversee the op. I’ve business to attend to elsewhere.” “Of course you do.” “Commander, I may’ve tolerated a certain amount of this disposition in the midst of the war, but please trust that I have no such patience for it right now.” I fought the urge to snap back and roll my eyes. “I thought that Tag and Runs were only sanctioned outside of the war in the most extreme cases.” “Trust when I tell you that this is extreme, and sanctioned by Starfleet.” Cornwell stopped at the turbolift, turning to face me. “There’s something else that I ought to make you aware of.” “Oh, there’s more?” “I need you to keep your head.” I looked over her face, at the slight grimace on her lips, and that sharp, jittery feeling bubbled back up in my stomach. “...Kat, what--” “Admiral, a question.” I couldn’t help it. I couldn’t help but turn at the sound of his voice-- my body was moving before I even fully registered it, half turned from Cornwell, half turned toward Pike. It almost didn’t register, at first, that it really was him. I hadn’t seen him anywhere but my mind’s eye, my dreams, for the longest time. He looked… Well. Almost just as I remembered. There were maybe a few more streaks of grey around his temples, but I didn’t get a good enough look. My brain finally caught up with my body, took in his bewildered expression - the narrowed eyes, his parted lips, the scrunch of his brow - and I turned my head away, eyes set on the turbolift panel. “...You couldn’t have mentioned this before I beamed aboard?” I asked Cornwell quietly. “I wasn’t sure if another ship would be in range. False hope would’ve been cruel,” Cornwell's voice was no louder than mine, her eyes set on the Captain. I turned my head a little as the turbolift doors opened and Tilly stepped out. “Oh! Wow, just who I was looking for--” She glanced between the three of us, taking in the tense silence, “I...Am sorry to interrupt, but, um, your lodgings are ready, Commander.” “Thank you,” I mumbled. “Commander?” Pike’s repetition was hushed, almost awed. I turned my head toward him a little, unable to meet his eye. He’d missed so much-- and what the hell had I missed? “If you’ll excuse me,” I answered tightly, stepping onto the turbolift with Tilly. “See if you can find a uniform,” Cornwell watched me, “And try to give Durling less lip.” “No guarantees,” I retorted before the doors slid shut. --

“That seemed… Tense. Like cage-fight-with-a-Mugato-tense,” Tilly commented over the hum of the turbolift. She was right - it felt it, too. I couldn’t get that look Pike had given me out of my mind. It was buzzing through me; it was a stone in my stomach; it was behind my eyelids when I blinked. “Speaking from experience?” I tried to tease as we stepped off. “Ah-ha,” Tilly shook her head, “No.” I gave her a small shrug, following her down the hall, “Pike used to be Captain of the Enterprise.” “Right.” “And I haven’t seen him since…” “Since he thought you were dead,” It dawned on Tilly, “Oh… Oh that’s worse than a Mugato.” “It’s like two Mugatos.” “Well, here we go,” She stepped aside to let me in, “You’re gonna have a roomie, but it won’t be me.” “Who’s it going to be?” I asked as I stepped inside. “Well, it’ll be me, and if you don’t like that, you can sleep in the frickin’ cargo hold.” I froze again at the sound of that dry, almost raspy voice. “Jett?” I asked, stunned. “Is that a yes or a no to the cargo hold?” She added, standing from her bed, “I mean you don’t actually have a choice, but it only seems polite to ask.” I flexed my hands before I asked, “Can I-- Are you-- Can I hug you?” “Once,” Jett conceded, “But make it a quick one.” I didn’t approach her too fast, didn’t hug her too tightly, just patted her shoulder twice and took a step back. “What, um…” I asked lightly, throat growing tight, “What happened?” “It’s a long story-- And you haven’t even heard it yet,” Jett frowned, watching me step back to what would be my temporary bed and lower myself down onto it, putting my head in my hands. “Hey,” Tilly sat down beside me, resting a hand on my shoulder and rubbing it, “What is it?” I couldn’t answer. I just shook my head a little as I took deep breaths, trying to slow my pounding heart, trying to steady my breathing. “Are you mouthing ‘pie’? I should get her a snack?” I heard Jett ask Tilly-- which made me laugh through the few tears that were leaking from my eyes. “Pike,” I mumbled, “She’s mouthing Pike.” I could understand why the two were trying to be careful with me. I surely seemed panicked by what should’ve been amazing news. And it was amazing. I was overjoyed, relieved that Jett was alright, but-- between the mission, Tilly, Pike, and Jett, I was overwhelmed. And Pike had looked right at me -- Right at me. He’d seemed so startled, like I was a figure that had stepped out of a dream-- or a nightmare: unknowable, unplaceable, but strangely familiar and to be dissected. Maybe that was one small consolation. While Cornwell hadn’t warned me, she'd been remiss in warning him, too.

I tipped my chin up from my hands, looking between Jett and Tilly and giving them a weak, watery smile. “I won’t lie, though, pie sounds amazing right now.” "Sure! We can do that,” Tilly said quickly, more than happy to put a baked band-aid over this hurt, “Jett, you coming?” Reno shrugged, “I could eat.”

Tag list: @angels-pie ; @fantasticcopeaglepasta ; @mylittlelonelyappreciationtoo ; @how-am-i-serpose-to-know ; @onlyhereforthefandomandgiggles ; @inmyowncorner ; @tardis-23 ; @2manyfandoms-solittletime ; @paintballkid711 ; @katrynec ; @hypnobananaangelfish ; @elen-aranel ; @blueeyesatnight

#I'm Always Curious #captain pike x reader #Captain Pike x You #Captain Pike/Reader #Captain Pike/You #Captain Pike fic #Captain Pike Imagine #christopher pike x reader #christopher pike/reader #Christopher Pike/You #Christopher Pike x You #Christopher Pike fic #Christopher Pike Imagine

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lyranova · 3 years

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Children of the Future:

Chapter 10: Finding Maelie

Hi guys! Sorry i haven’t been active here lately, I’m hoping that’ll change soon and i’ll be able to post more for you guys this weekend 🥰! Here’s chapter 10 and I hope you all enjoy! Also if I forgot to tag anyone please let me know!

Taglist: @eme-eleff @crazyclownthanos @jovialnoise @talpup @simpingforthisonedeer @melissa-novachrono @thoughtfullyrainynightmare @bowandcurtsey (i couldn’t remember if you wanted to be tagged or not Aine 😅) @ckjwnnbc

Word Count: 3,216

Warnings: None

———

“ Where was the last place you saw your sister?” Gauche asked as he, Grey, Yami, and Aloys stood outside of the Castle. They had all agreed to help him look for his sister and, of course, it had to be now that he wanted to look for her. The dark haired boy frowned in thought as he tried to remember.

“ Back home. Right as we entered the Time Gate, she was right next to me, but when I woke up she was gone.” He muttered the last part softly as he looked away. Grey walked over and placed a gentle hand onto his shoulder and smiled reassuringly.

“ It’s ok, we’ll find her I promise!” She told the boy confidently, Gauche tilted his head slightly, Grey was much more confident and comfortable around Aloy’s then anyone else. Maybe because he was a little timid like her? Or was it because he was her, no, their son?

“ Ok, that gives us almost nothing to go on.” Gauche said with a sigh and the boy glared icily at him.

“ ‘Almost nothing’ is better than completely nothing, y'know.” He grumbled, Yami quickly cut between the two before Gauche could retort.

“ Look, if you two are gonna squabble and bicker I’m going to send you both home. Together. Where you have no option but to speak and spend time together, understand?” Yami threatened, the two nodded but continued to glare at each other. He turned to Aloys.

“ Where did you wake up?” He asked, the boy looked around for a moment.

“ Somewhere deep in the woods. I came through the east side of the Capitol so I’m assuming the East Woods.” He said with a shrug, he wasn’t the best at directions so he easily could have been mistaken, but it was his best guess at the moment.

“ Alright then, let’s start there.” Yami said as he stepped onto his broom. Gauche and Grey did the same and Aloys sat behind Grey on her broom. The four quickly took off into the air and headed towards the East Woods.

“ Captain,” Gauche called as he flew up next to him. “ You know it’s a long shot we’re going to find anything there right? Even if we happen to find the exact spot where the kid woke up.” Gauche pointed out, Yami looked over at him and nodded.

“ I know, but it’s the only lead we’ve got.” Yami countered. Gauche looked away, he knew the Captain was right, even though he didn’t want to admit it. He fell back a few feet and flew a little behind him. Yami shook his head and let a small sigh escape his lips.

So much for getting back home early.

——-

Charlotte looked around the house with a confused frown; where was everyone? She seemed to be the only Captain to have arrived so far, and the kids were nowhere to be seen. She looked down the halls before placing a hand on her hip, where could they be? She looked up as she saw a flash of pink outside the kitchen window. She tilted her head before walking out the side door and heading to what one would consider a backyard. She quickly dodged as a spell went flying past her head.

“ Be careful Josslyn you could’ve gotten someone killed if you don’t learn to watch where you’re aiming!” Hikari shouted, Charlotte frowned as she approached the two girls, were they training?

“ Geez, tone it down Hikari, it’s not like anyone got hurt. Oh hi Captain Suke-, I mean, Captain Roselei.” Josslyn said as she suddenly noticed the blonde Captain approaching them, Hikari turned around and smiled at her ‘mother’.

“ Josslyn, Hikari,” Charlotte nodded at the two before standing in front of them with her arms crossed.” What are you two doing?”

“ Training.” They answered in unison, both girls looked at each other before laughing a bit, they did have the tendency to answer at the same time. Charlotte smiled softly before nodding.

“ I saw, you’re both pretty good. But,” she turned to Josslyn. “ Hikari’s right, you have to make sure your spells are perfectly aimed and well timef, otherwise an innocent might get caught in the crossfire.” Charlotte lightly reprimanded the pink haired girl, who looked away and muttered under her breath before walking away.

“ I’m gonna train on my own for a while.” She threw over her shoulder to the mother and daughter, Hikari went to open her mouth but Josslyn cut her off. “ I’ll be right over there so you can see me, I promise I won’t run off.” She added, Hikari closed her mouth and nodded before turning to Charlotte.

“ Where are the boys?” The blonde asked, Hikari looked around for a moment before her eyes landed on them.

“ They’re over there, by the looks of it Alistar is teaching Ace about what kind of plant that is.” She chuckled and Charlotte laughed a bit as well.

“ He really loves plants doesn’t he?” She asked, she had only known him for less then a day but considering he told her about what all plants the spices in the kitchen had come from and their origins, that was the little information she was able to gather from the white haired boy. Hikari nodded.

“ He does, it’s one of his many quirks. But he doesn’t go on and on about plants all the time, only when he sees one that he feels like telling you a bit about.” She chuckled again, Charlotte tilted her head a bit.

“ He seems like a very nice young man.” She tried to sound casual, but she was digging for information on the two, but only just a little. She quickly shook her head, ‘What are you doing Charlotte?! Their love life isn’t any of your business! You’re starting to sound like one of your girls!’ She scolded herself but she saw the dark haired girl nod in agreement.

“ He is. He’s probably one of the nicest people you’ll ever meet, but there’s a little more to him than just that. He’s smart, brave, kind of quiet, and despite all the challenges life has dealt him, he always tries to smile.” She told Charlotte fondly before shrugging a bit. “ He has the second biggest fanclub in the Golden Dawn, right behind his dad, and I tried to get him to go out on a date with a couple of girls from his fan club. But he wouldn’t do it.” She added with a small sigh and shake of her head, Charlotte looked from Hikari to Alistar curiously.

“ Is there someone who has his heart already?” Hikari frowned in thought for a moment before shaking her head.

“ I don’t think so, I’m his best friend, so I would think he would tell me if there’s someone he likes already.” Hikari said, he would tell her right? I mean, after all they’ve been through and all the things they knew about each other, he was bound to tell her if he had a crush on someone? Right? Hikari shook her head quickly before changing the subject.

“ Why aren’t you and my dad together already?” She watched her ‘mother’s’ face turn a bright shade of read and she began to stammer nervously, apparently she wasn’t expecting the question.

“ B-Because,” Charlotte looked away. “ Because I’m not strong enough yet, Yami deserve’s to have a strong capable woman by his side. One that can protect him just like he protects everyone, one that can stand on her own and be his equal in every way. I’m not there yet I’m afraid. But,” she smiled softly before looking at her ‘daughter’. “ I think I’ll get there eventually, it’s just going to take some time and, as Yami put’s it, I’ll need to surpass my limits.”

Hikari smiled, she was proof her mother was right that she would eventually get there. But there was also worry in her smile. She was worried about how her, and her friends, appearance here would affect the timeline. Would her parents still get together like how they did originally? Or would she somehow influence it? She didn’t know, and that made her nervous.

———

Gauche couldn’t help but wonder why him, why did he have to get stuck with Aloys?! The boy seemed to be closer to Grey so why didn’t the Captain send him with her? He couldn’t help but glare as the Captain divided the four of them up when they had arrived at the East Woods, if he didn’t put Grey and Aloys together because they had the same magic type then why didn’t he send Grey to go looking for the girl with Gauche? There was only one logical answer:

He was being punished for earlier, he had to be.

But now that the two were alone he could actually look at the boy. He seemed to be 16, his hair was a dark brown-ish blue shade, he had a similar body type to Gauche but shorter, if Aloy’s was anything like him he’d probably hit his growth spurt soon, he also seemed to be much more quiet now then he was earlier. From what he had seen back at the Castle, Aloys seemed to be nearly identical to Gauche, but now that he had settled down, he seemed to be more like Grey.

“ Stop staring at me old man, you’re making me nervous.” Aloys muttered as he glanced at his ‘father’, Gauche rolled his eyes and looked away.

“ Stop calling me an old man! I’m only 4 years older than you!” Gauche argued, Aloys smirked.

“ Still older.” Gauche growled.

“ The Captain should’ve sent you with Grey, she’s better at dealing with you.” He told Aloys, who nodded.

“ I wish he would have too, that way I wouldn’t have to deal with you old man.” Gauche quickly whipped around to glare at his ‘son’.

“ Momma’s boy!” Aloys turned to look at his ‘dad’.

“ Sister lover!”

“ What did you just-?” Gauche growled dangerously low when Aloys suddenly gasped and took off running past him. “ Hey kid, wait!” He quickly followed after him.

“ This was it!” Aloys shouted as he stood in a small circle of trees, he looked around wildly. “ This is where I woke up! Maelie! Maelie are you here?” He shouted as he walked into the center of the circle. Gauche pulled out the communication device and quickly gave Yami their coordinates.

———

“ You’re sure this was it?” Yami asked as he looked around, they were almost dead center in the East Woods, why had he been dropped here of all places? Hell, how did the kid not get lost in these woods? He watched as the umber haired boy continued to look around the area.

“ Yeah I’m sure, because I thought it was strange that all these trees were in a circle. It’s kind of ominous.” Aloys said with a shrug, suddenly a flock of birds came flying out one of the tree’s and Grey let out a shriek before hiding behind Gauche, who sighed and shook his head.

“ It’s just bird's Grey, and will you please stop clinging to my shirt?” He asked, honestly he didn’t actually mind her clinging to him, but he wasn’t about to let anyone know that. Grey only seemed to cling tighter to his shirt.

“ I-I’m sorry Gauche, b-but this place is just so t-terrifying!” Grey stammered, her eyes shut tightly and her face as red as a tomato. She wanted to go home. This place was much too scary and she didn’t like it at all, but she was somewhat comforted by Gauche’s presence. He always seemed to make her feel safer, even braver at times. Aloys tilted his head slightly as he watched his ‘parents’ but he didn’t comment.

“ It doesn’t look like anyone else was dropped here except you,” Yami said as he crouched down at the ground. “ are you sure you two walked through this ‘time gate’ together?” Aloys snorted.

“ Of course I am, I was holding her hand the entire time.” He explained, the other three frowned, if he was holding her hand, then how did they get seperated? Yami looked at the sky for a moment; it was beginning to get dark, they either had to find the girl quickly or call it a day.

“ It’s getting dark,” Gauche said as he also looked at the sky. “ we’ll have to call it a day for now and search again tomorrow.” Aloys began to quickly shake his head at his ‘father’s’ words.

“ No, No way! We have to find her! She’s only 9 years old, in a new and unfamiliar place! She could be hungry and scared or someone could grab her and take off with her!” Aloys shouted.

“ Yeah, she could be all those things. But she could also be anywhere in this city, or even anywhere in this country! How are you going to be able to find and look for your sister if you can’t see where you’re going because it’s too dark?!” Gauche shouted back, Aloys clenched his teeth and looked away; he knew Gauche was right, they wouldn’t be able to see much of anything in the dark, but she was his little sister, he had to find her. He promised.

“ W-What if it was Marie?” Grey asked softly as she opened her eyes and looked up at the brown haired man, he turned a small shade of pink and looked away. “ If it were her that were missing, wouldn’t you keep searching all the way until morning and beyond if you had to?” She heard him make a small noise in the back of his throat, he knew she was right, if Marie were missing there would be no stopping him until he found her.

Gauche looked at Aloys and saw a familiar, determined look. One he had on his face many times, especially when it came to something, or someone, important to him. He sighed and scratched the back of his head.

“ Fine, we’ll keep looking for the girl. But if we don’t find her by morning then we’ll stop and regroup. Got it?” He asked Aloys, who smiled and nodded in agreement. Gauche looked at Yami. “ Captain, if you need to, you can head back. We can handle this.”

Yami stared at Gauche and Grey for a moment before a smirk made its way across his face. He walked past them and towards where his broom was leaning on a tree.

“ Alright, if you need me you still have the communication device I gave you. So use it if you’re in trouble.” Yami instructed before he stepped onto his broom and lifted himself into the air and flew off into the direction of the shared house.

Though, he had a feeling they wouldn’t need to call for help.

———

Yami landed outside the house with a soft ‘thud’, it was already dark out, a small piece of him hoped that they found the girl and were on their way back. But considering she could be anywhere made him doubt they would be able to find her in one day. He opened the door and, just like this morning, everyone was seated around the dining table getting ready to eat.

“ Oh, welcome back Captain Sukehiro!” Alistar greeted warmly and with a cheerful smile, Yami nodded at the white haired boy before walking towards the other. Hikari turned to face her ‘father’ and she also smiled, Yami blinked a bit, he almost forgot her smile was the exact same as Charlotte’s. He gave her a small smile before he sat next to her.

“ Rough day?” Hikari asked before putting a piece of food into her mouth, Yami looked around the table and noticed everyone was either eating or had just finished and were cleaning up the kitchen. He shrugged.

“ Not too bad I guess. I had to inform everyone about being on the lookout for other kids, and lo and behold, I was called to Julius’s office again for another kid.” He muttered as he poured himself a small glass of wine and took a sip.

“ Zora already told us that,” Charlotte said as she walked in from the kitchen. “ Who was it this time?”

“ Grey and Gauche, their son Aloys attacked the Magic Knights guarding the Castle and of course Julius had to step in. He’s a chip off the old block when he’s pissed.” Yami said with a small smirk, it was amusing that when the boy was angry he acted just like Gauche, but otherwise he was more like Grey. He silently wondered if their daughter was the same way, or if she was the opposite? Hikari quickly put down her fork and looked at him.

“ Aloys is here? Is Maelie here too?” She asked as she turned in her seat, Yami let out a small sigh before shaking his head.

“ She’s lost apparently, Gauche, Grey, and Aloys are still out searching for her.” Yami explained before she suddenly got up and headed straight for the door, with Alistar right behind her. “ Where are you going?”

“ To help them look for her! I can’t believe you left them out there to search on their own!” She said angrily, her father was never this way, he never abandoned someone who needed help!

“ Now wait a minute-.” Charlotte started but was cut off.

“ No I won’t! Why did you leave them to look for her on their own, why didn’t you stay and help them?!” She asked Yami, he stood up and looked at her.

“ Because I trust them.” He answered simply. “ I know they’ll find her and they won’t stop until they do, I gave them a communication device in case they needed me. But I don’t think they’ll need to use it.” Hikari glared at him before turning around and grabbed the door knob.

“ Trusting them isn’t a good enough reason.” She muttered before pulling the door open and being greeted with a purple shirt, one she recognized.

“ Gauche?”

As the dark haired girl’s gaze traveled higher she noticed Gauche was carrying a small girl in his arms, one with dark blue-ish brown hair and wearing a blue and white dress.

He was holding Maelie.

“ See? I told you.” Yami smirked, even from a distance he could see Hikari’s cheeks tinted with pink. Alistar chuckled slightly before patting her on the shoulder.

“ It’s ok, everyones wrong sometimes.” He tried to comfort, but in a teasing way since it was very rare for Hikari to be wrong. She quickly muttered something under her breath as she moved to allow the Adlai family inside. Grey closed the door softly behind them before following after Gauche and Aloys.

“ Where can we put her?” He asked the Captain’s, Yami jerked his thumb to the left.

“ There’s a room where the girls are staying, she can sleep in there for now.” He said with a shrug, Josslyn sighed and stood up from the table.

“ C’mon I’ll show you.” The pink haired girl quickly led them down the hall, Aloys turned around to face everyone.

“ We’ll explain later.” He laughed, he seemed to be much more relaxed and at ease now that they had found his little sister. He turned back around and followed the others down the hall.

———

Sorry the ending isn’t the best, I couldn’t think of how to end it 😅. I might have a small scene where they find maelie in the next chapter but i’m not sure yet 😅. Anyway thanks for reading and I hope you all have a good day~!

#children of the future #black clover fanfiction #yami sukehiro #charlotte roselei #gauche adlai #black clover grey #oc; hikari #hikari is not my oc #oc; josslyn #josslyn is not my oc #oc; alistar #oc; aloys #oc; maelie #chapter 10

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waywardrose · 4 years

Text

On Babbushka

There is a group of well-known writers in the fandom who have been discouraged and put down by one of their own, Zannah - @babbushka. It happens behind the scenes in DMs. It happens in posts and tags.

In DMs, she has started conversations with seemingly innocent questions. When she doesn't receive the response she was aiming for, she diverts the conversation to criticizing and humiliating the person. She has attacked writers for tagging—or not tagging—a post in a way she deems appropriate. She has gotten into arguments over how characters were portrayed and then tried to claim victimization when the other person wouldn't knuckle under.

She will appeal to her following to attack any fan or creator who has an opinion that differs from her own. She will encourage friends to send rude anons. Those same friends will also DM the target with rude remarks.

Several creators have stopped writing altogether because of their interactions with her.

We are tired of being discouraged. We are tired of being talked down to. We are tired of being bullied. Enough is enough. Under the cut we share our stories, let the chips fall where they may. It's up to you, the reader, to decide whether to support her.

We can only warn up-and-coming writers, artists, fans, and supporters of her behavior.

Hope - @callmehopeless

The Australian bushfires of the 2019-2020 season were nightmarish—for those living through it and those witnessing. As the season went on, cries for help increased. Joaquin Phoenix used the time during his Best-Actor acceptance speech at the Golden Globes to call for unity, action, and accountability. Regardless of what we may think of him, it was a thoughtful speech.

Hope, who is an Australian, found Mr. Phoenix's message encouraging and reblogged a gifset of his speech.

That morning, Zannah made a post about Mr. Phoenix's shady past and his association with a known sexual predator. The main reason wasn't because his speech was inappropriate or not timely, but because she didn't think he should be the one to get the attention over other actors who had spoken of the bushfires during the Golden Globes.

While Hope confessed she was scared of the bushfires, scared for her loved ones, Zannah was more concerned with purity. To Zannah it was about the face of the message, not the message itself. It didn't matter that Mr. Phoenix was amplifying support for Australia, what did matter was that he had done bad things.

It was virtue signaling on Zannah's part.

Still, this remains a complicated argument. Can a person who has done bad things actually have something positive to add to a cause? Should we listen to a problematic person if they share an insight? Does it reflect poorly on us to agree with their isolated statement? Will we be canceled, too? What about the bigger picture?

In this case, the bigger picture was hundreds of homes were destroyed in the bushfires and families were displaced. People died, thousands of animals died. And it was because of climate change. Mr. Phoenix called for his rich peers to examine their respective lifestyles and to give back.

Yes, Mr. Phoenix has done bad things. Yes, he has associated with people who have done bad things. His words resonated with people on Tumblr, and they reblogged part of his speech. He said something that gave Hope hope.

Hope was asked by a third party how they could help. She came back with a resource guide for those who wanted to send aid to Australians.

When it became obvious Zannah wouldn't silence Hope, Zannah decided to sub-post about the interaction. There, she accused Hope of being a rape apologist for reblogging a gifset and finding a little comfort in it. Zannah placed her ego before someone who was facing a very real danger.

Side-eying an actor is one thing, shaming a person you know for finding solace during a scary time is another. Hope isn't responsible for which voice got picked up. The only "colors" being shown here are Zannah's. She put her own concerns about being perceived as morally pure above actually supporting a friend.

I'll keep this brief - I knew Zannah for many years. And on one of the lowest weeks of my life, when my suburb was burning down and I feared for my family: she convinced me I was a rape apologist for sharing Joaquin Phoenix's speech asking for action on bushfires. In all my life, I never felt more alone. To add insult to injury, she then posted memes mocking me - something that has stuck with me to this day.

I've had dear friends quit the fandom because of her kinkshaming. I've had people I love message me distraught over what she's said.

Enough is enough.

— @callmehopeless

Rose - @the-wayward-rose

This PM exchange started after I tagged my reblog of Zannah's fic Feast (Cameron Bistle x Reader) with cw: white reader. I had been on her taglist, and I wanted to show support because I liked the fic overall. For context, the reason for my tag is because of this sentence:

"But then you're blushing so pretty and squeezing his hand affectionately and reaching for the handle to the passenger side of his car, and then you're laughing when he swats your hand away to open it for you, and then you're beckoning him down as if to ask a question – only to place a chaste kiss to his lips instead."

This is from Cameron's point of view.

She asked the reason for the tag, and I explained it was because of the use of "blush" to describe Reader's appearance.

She misunderstood my premise. I did not mean only white people blush.

According to Merriam-Webster, blush means "a reddening of the face especially from shame, modesty, or confusion" or "a red or rosy tint."

It is an autonomic response, though. It happens in all humans for body cooling and nonverbal communication. The main problem with using it universally is that melanin obscures the appearance of said autonomic response.

Here's an example of three runners:

The two pale women, left and center, are pink in the face. They are blushing. The woman of color on the right is likely blushing, too. However, the melanin in her skin obscures the blood in her cheeks. She is not pink.

That's the pitfall of the word "blush." The observer can't always see it. We know what it feels like. We all do it. The face and/or neck gets hot. The use of "blush" is shorthand in narrative, and I understand that. Nevertheless, when writing to cater to a reader-insert audience of unknown heritage, writers need to consider describing with universal terms.

Again, she misunderstood my premise. I clarified by asking how Cameron sees the Reader blush under an abundance of melanin:

She sidestepped the physiological explanation to go straight for justification. She tried to legitimize "blush" as "perhaps [this]" or "perhaps [that]" when I stated earlier that blush by definition is pink or is to redden. That's the logic. A noncommittal, covering-all-the-bases, complicated defense diluted the conversation.

With her earlier "I have friends of color, hence I can't be exclusionary" statement, I wasn't sure she would get my point. I take full responsibility for not explaining, too. I should've asked for some time to gather my thoughts, but I didn't. Truthfully, I was unprepared, because I didn't think my insignificant tag would be an issue.

Also, I was confused why she was trying to police my blog.

Her replies came rapidly—before I could mention my confusion—and felt aggressive in the moment. Maybe that wasn't her intention, but the road to hell is paved with good intentions.

That doesn't take away from the fact that words have meaning. It's why we use specific words. It's not understood in the narrative that her use of "blush" could mean a bunch of things. If I had known, I wouldn't have tagged as I did. How is a reader of color supposed to know that? How does Cameron see Reader's blush if she has darker skin?

As writers, we don't know who is reading. Someone could be very pale or very dark. A person with medium-toned skin can turn a shade of pink or red. A person with darker-toned skin will not. We can't assume all readers are medium to pale. We need to develop better writing skills. We have to include everyone.

Readers of color > White-writer feelings

When I stood my ground, she doubled down, stating I made no sense in my tagging and that I lacked the ability to learn from her. She then diverted the argument, attacking a ficlet I wrote a few days beforehand—which had nothing to do with this argument. The Christian imagery in that ficlet was upsetting to her and "in such poor taste" because she headcanons Flip Zimmerman (BlacKkKlansman) is 100% culturally and ethnically Jewish.

Flip stated in the movie:

"I'm Jewish, but I wasn't raised to be. It wasn't part of my life. I never thought much about being Jewish. Nobody around me was Jewish. I wasn't going to a bunch of Bar Mitzvahs. I didn't have a Bar Mitzvah. I was just another white kid. And now I'm in some basement denying it out loud[...] I never thought much about it. Now I'm thinking about it all the time. About rituals and heritage. Is that passing? Well then, I have been passing."

By his own admission, Flip is ethnically Jewish, but not culturally. These are two separate things, and that should be recognized. While Judaism is ethnically and culturally entwined in ways that other religions are not, one does not equate the other. You can be one and not the other.

At the time, I didn't want her to sic her 3000+ followers on me. I wasn't going to argue further. I asked myself if the ficlet was important and worth anon-hate and realized, no, it wasn't. It was a throw-away.

And since I'm not culturally Jewish, maybe I had misstepped. And since Zannah is both culturally and ethnically Jewish, I asked for her guidance.

She flatly refused my request. I don't know how I was supposed to learn from her if she wouldn't teach me.

It sounded as if she wanted me to delete the whole fic. Like none of it was worth saving because it hadn't been Zannah-approved. I had gone against her headcanon, and the fic was too offensive to fix.

The last sentence was supposed to cover her back from criticism, and it placed all the responsibility on me. Obviously, she was above such petty concerns as someone else's blog or writing. Never mind that she had just attempted to get me to change my tagging system and rewrite my ficlet. On my blog.

Later, I figured out she was only criticizing and not offering a constructive critique. Her argument was not in good faith. It was retaliation for not giving her the obedience she thought she was owed.

This is the passage that offended her:

"It’s because of the way he fucks you. Like it’s confession—though he’s never been much of a church-going man. Every touch, every thrust, is a truth between you. Even when it’s rough and greedy. It feels like flagellation when you claw his back. He wears the sin proudly."

This is what I edited it to:

"It’s because of the way he fucks you. Every touch, every thrust, is a truth between you. Even when it’s rough and greedy. It feels like flagellation when you claw his back. He wears your marks proudly."

Yeah, I'm not pleased with the revised passage. It's lost its teeth, but I keep it.

The anonymous message(s) she mentioned weren't very anonymous, either. Unfortunately, I've since deleted the two messages. I had apologized to Anon for disappointing them. I said that if the fic was too much, they should unfollow and block me. I meant that in a self-care way. At the same time, I did not—and do not—owe anyone discourse. I don't have to explain my art when it doesn't hurt anyone. And no one was hurt by some purportedly misplaced religious imagery.

I have been silent about this since late January/early February. I was embarrassed. I had been bullied into changing my blog and my fic by someone who proclaims to never do anything of the sort. I had been a fool. Since this conversation with her, I have been blocked/blacklisted by third-parties, most likely at her behest, when none of this exchange had been necessary.

Kassanovella - @kylorengarbagedump

Zannah's followers have asked her about Kassanovella’s Fix Your Attitude. For context, it's currently one of the most kudo-ed fics for Kylo Ren x Reader on AO3. It had a bit of a renaissance earlier in 2020 because a TikToker wrote a song for it.

There is nothing wrong with not wanting to read a fic. If the subject matter doesn't work for a reader, they don't have to partake. Easy as that. So, these tags aren't a problem.

However, it led to this...

She lashed out, calling Kassanovella's fic a joke. A joke.

She implied her fics should be as popular as Kassanovella's because she works really hard on them. She admitted she's tied to the metrics. She implied she wouldn't be writing fic if not for the external validation.

Here's the thing about fanfic: readers like what they like. They don't care about a writer's effort. They only know what works for them. They comment and give kudos, reblog and like what they connect with. That is not under the writer's control. All a writer can do is try their best and concentrate on what they're passionate about.

To bash another writer's fic because it's popular is disrespectful. This whole bitter rant drips of entitlement and is an affront to Kassanovella.

Some time later, an incident happened in a chatroom during a streaming event for veterans by Arts In the Armed Forces (Adam Driver's organization). At least one fan brought up Fix Your Attitude while waiting for Mr. Driver to make an appearance. They were also disrespectful towards the other presenters by demanding to see Mr. Driver. It caused a big stink within the fandom, and Zannah had some choice words.

While mentioning the fic during the livestream was inappropriate, it was also inappropriate to throw all fans of the fic under the bus as she did in her tag. Sweeping generalizations and incriminations of a subset of fans certainly reads as if she resents those fans for a perceived slight.

Next, Zannah made an earlier disparaging comment about Kassanovella's fic, Little Bird. Unfortunately, that comment is lost. However, the messages supporting the comment remain. (For context, Little Bird is a Kylo Ren x Reader The Handmaid's Tale AU. It has been well received in the fandom, earning thousands of kudos on AO3.)

What an author wants to write about and sexualize is their business. Fantasizing about being dominated by Kylo Ren isn't cringe. It's a sexual fantasy. Some sexual fantasies can be disturbing to those who do not share the same kink.

Sexual fantasies are like ice cream. There's a reason why there are different flavors.

Also, "I will never ever be a person that tells an author what to do or not do" is an absolute lie. As evident in this post, Zannah most definitely tells authors what to do or not do.

Again, she bashes Kassanovella, claiming her writing isn't good. Her motivation for bashing Kassanovella can only be speculation. With Zannah's previously stated opinion of Fix Your Attitude, though, it indicates a certain level of negative emotions.

Anonymous

An anonymous person came forward with a case of Zannah policing their blog. Anon has a sideblog for their personal AU with Flip Zimmerman. They reblog gifsets and post headcanons. They were an enthusiastic fan of Zannah's and reblogged a few of the gifset she made. Anon tagged their reactions, and Zannah blocked them for it.

Anon went to Zannah and asked why they were blocked, because all they wanted to do was have fun and support fellow Flip lovers.

Anon was under the impression that because they were shipping themselves, and not Zannah, with Flip, she blocked them. Their personal AU doesn't align with Zannah's headcanon that she alone is married to this character and has his children.

While Zannah's reply may sound innocent, and perhaps it is, it also speaks to someone who has set herself up as the owner of Flip Zimmerman. (Wait until Spike Lee or the real Ron Stallworth hears about that...) It appears that if a fan does not comply with the Zannah-approved headcanon, where only she is married to Flip, that fan shall be blocked. If a fan uses tags on their blog that she does not approve of, that fan will be blocked.

Zannah's policing is disturbing. Going into a blog to look for something as a reason to block is disturbing. Any fan is allowed to use any tag on their blog how they wish. If the OP has said their post can be reblogged, how a reblogger tags is beyond the OP's control. To punish that reblogger for not behaving in a way she finds acceptable is uncalled for and unjust.

Anonymous

Backstory: Zannah does not view Ben Solo's arc in the Star Wars sequel trilogy as acceptable canon. However, she does view the story she created for Flip Zimmerman in BlacKkKlansman as completely canon.

This is not the first time she has been asked to clarify her position. Nor is it the first time she has avoided giving an on-topic response. A question asked in good faith should be responded to in kind.

If a creator doesn't want to address the issue, they can state that they don't. Deflecting from the question only muddies the waters. Fans feel dismissed. The creator feels hounded, and comes across as irritated and unapproachable. No one has a positive fandom experience.

There is nothing wrong with having a headcanon. What is wrong is Zannah mandating her headcanon for Flip on the whole fandom. As evident in this post, if a fan does not comply with her headcanon, they will be summarily blocked.

Also, there is nothing wrong with rejecting canon. Writers of transformative works have always done this. The problem is shaming fans who have accepted canon while not offering justification for that shaming. A creator saying they "can't help them" is the creator washing their hands of responsibility from articulating their thoughts when they themselves began criticizing the canon in the first place.

Again, this is a bad-faith argument. Creators can't ask for discussion and attention and then get mad when their viewpoints are challenged. Just because a discussion isn't going a creator's way doesn't mean it's an attack, either. It means people want clarification, and if one criticizes, they should be able to back up their criticisms.

While sharing our stories has been freeing, it's not our aim as fellow fans to cancel Zannah. We would hope she would take the opportunity to reflect on the damage she has done to the fandom. We hope we all can move forward with a more approachable and supportive scene.

No one person speaks for our fandom. The actions of one fan do not represent the entire fandom. Whether creator or consumer, you are welcome here.

[posted July 25, 2020]

#babbushka #reader insert #flip zimmerman x reader #kylo ren x reader

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cucumbers-and-olives · 4 years

Text

When All Is Said And Done

⚠️stop! have you read part one, the winner takes it all yet? if not, click the link and read it cause idk if this will make much sense!

Summary: You slowly repair you relationship with Reggie as you get closer to the end of the show.

Category: high school au, musical au?

Fandom: JATP

Paring: Reggie x Reader

Word Count: 1.5k

Warnings/Includes: mentions of cheating

A/N: this is for @reggiepetersappreciationweek day 5? whatever yesterday was, i have a trash memory, and i forgot to post this so... whoops!

(also @williexmercer asked to be tagged in this so.... ta da?)

Mandatory Thanking of the Betas: ahhhh ty so so much @wrhen for helping me give this story the ending it deserved, i had no idea how to end it, so thank you!

AO3 link here (nope)

Please don’t repost my work without my permission, in part or whole. My work can also be found on AO3 under the same username. Thank you!

Here's to us

One more toast

And then we'll pay the bill

Closing night was always a sad thing. But after the last three months, all of the drama, and the nightmares… You could tell that the smile on Reggie’s face was his, and he was happy. Truly happy.

Deep inside

Both of us

Can feel the autumn chill

“Y/N, I’m sorry. I’ll be better. I want to explain, so I’ll be at our spot at 7 pm tomorrow.” You listened to his voicemail over and over, trying to decide if you should trust him this time. You got one of these voicemails every week on Monday. It had been a month since “the incident” and he wasn’t giving up.

“Y/N, I’m sorry. I’ll be-” You tossed your phone at the wall as hard as possible, but with your bad luck it landed on the soft white sheets of your bed and you let out a scream. It was loud and heart-wrenching, and you collapsed into the shag carpet. The soft blue carpet he had bought for you when you found out you had landed the role.

And from your spot on the floor, there was the photo of the two of you that you had framed after your second date. When you knew he was the one. He had taken you to the fair, and one of his friends had come over to take a photo of the two of you, but someone had bumped into him, and there was a ton of bright pink cotton candy in his hair. That was your favorite moment with him.

You rolled over, and like a bad omen, your phone played the voicemail again. “Y/N, I’m sorry. I’ll be better. I want to explain, so I’ll be at our spot at 7 pm tomorrow.” You had crawled onto your bed to turn it off when you heard him whisper something he hadn’t in any of the other voicemails. “I love you.”

As you lay down to sleep that night, your brain looped his words. I love you, I love you, I love you. I. Love. You.

He hadn’t ever said it before.

Birds of passage

You and me

We fly instinctively

The cast all had slight tears in their eyes. Most of them were seniors, including you and Reggie, so this was your last show at a school you had grown to love.

When the summer's over

And the dark clouds hide the sun

Neither you nor I'm to blame

“Y/N and Reggie.” Your science teacher moved on and continued calling out other pairs to work together.

He moved to where you were sitting. It seemed as if his personality had changed. He was no longer the confident, happy boy you knew, but a shy, quiet one. “I- I can ask for a different partner. You probably don’t, don’t want to work with me.” His eyes were transfixed on the desk.

You don’t know what led you to do this, but you slipped a finger under his chin and tilted his face to look at you. “We have 5 minutes left in this period, and then we have rehearsal. You have that long to come up with a convincing argument as to why I should trust you, go it?”

He nodded softly, and you released his face. Now you had that long to figure out if you should trust him again.

As the bell rang you began to pack up your stuff when a note fell out of your bag. You picked it up and began to read it.

“Y/N. I kissed him. I’m not trying to cover for him, it’s the honest truth.” You looked up at your teacher.

“Y/L/N, get to rehearsal, or at least get out of my classroom.”

“Yeah, sorry!” You said, hurrying out of her classroom. You stepped into the hall, and you continued to read the note.

“I know it sounds like I’m covering for him. I’m not. I came into his dressing room, I kissed him. (I’ll spare you the details) But you two are an amazing couple, and he’s been a mess without you. There’s a hole in his heart that only you can fix.”

And just like the “I love you,” those last words rang in your head through rehearsal.

“There’s a hole in his heart that only you can fix.”

When all is said and done

In our lives

We have walked

Some strange and lonely treks

He crossed the stage and looked back at you. The strength it would take the entire cast to not laugh like children would be incredible.

Slightly worn

But dignified

And not too old for sex

We're still striving for the sky

No taste for humble pie

“Thank you.” He said, passing you a coke. “The pie will be out in a second.”

The booth in the back of the diner was a quiet one, but there were so many memories here. Your first date, your first kiss, Reggie asking you to be his girlfriend, and getting cast as Donna and Sam. You had found out sitting in this booth.

The waitress came over. “Two slices of apple pie, enjoy you two,” She said, with a little wink.

You took a fork and stabbed the pie like an enemy. “Talk.”

“I didn’t mean to. She came in, and she started it, I-” You shoved some pie in his mouth. His face was alarmed for a second, and then he smiled.

“Not about that, idiot, about the project. We have to present tomorrow.” You took a bite of your pie.

“I thought…” He was lost in thought for a moment and then he spoke. “I was thinking we could alternate slides? Or if you just want to do the chunks you wrote, that’s cool too!” He said, eating some more of his pie.

“That sounds good, we can alternate slides. Also, could you help me with my math homework? I’m- well, I’ve got a D. Can you help me? I brought it with me if you want to now, I have it with me, or we can do it later?” You rambled off.

“Scooch over,” He said, standing up. As you did, he sat down next to you. “Okay, pull it out, and show me what you’re struggling with. We’re not leaving till you have it down.”

He smiled at you, and you knew you were back to normal now. Or at least, a new normal.

Thanks for all your generous love

And thanks for all the fun

Neither you nor I'm to blame

As he sang that line, you both glanced into the audience where your former-best-friend-now-acquaintance sat. Your relationship had healed over the last month. He and you were clearer, and when/if anything happened, you both gave each other a chance to explain your side of the story. It was better now.

When all is said and done

It's so strange

When you're down

And lying on the floor

“Okay look up when you open your eyes,” He said, removing his hands from your face. You looked out at the beautiful rolling hills and then up. Up to the sky, and the shining stars. You gasped as you saw them, each one more beautiful than the last.

“Woah, Reggie this is so beautiful, I-” You turned around to face him. He had a picnic all laid out. There was a full apple pie and ice cream, along with a bunch of your favorite sweets and some popcorn and pretzels.

“Reggie, when did you have the time for this? It’s almost tech week,” You said as you sat down next to him. “Not that I’m ungrateful but seriously, when did you-” He cut you off as he stuck a bit of pie in your mouth.

“Did you?” He nodded. “You bought a full pie from the diner?” You smiled at him so big. And it was a wonderful night.

How you rise

Shake your head

Get up and ask for more

Clear-headed and open-eyed

With nothing left untried

Standing calmly at the crossroads

No desire to run

“I’m scared Alex.” It was Reggie’s voice you heard as you walked up to the garage. Over the past 2 and a half months, your relationship had changed, and now, it was the Saturday before tech week.

You froze outside the garage as you listened to Reggie.

“I- I, I messed it all up before, and I keep feeling like I’m gonna mess up again,” Reggie said. His voice was shaking if it was even possible for a voice to do that.

“Reg,” Alex said. “What happened wasn’t your fault. They came in and kissed you.”

“I should’ve stopped it. I should have stopped them.”

“Reggie, she forgave you. And trust me, Y/N wouldn’t be with you if she thought you had done it on purpose.”

You knocked on the garage door. “Reg, you in there? We’re gonna be late to rehearsal!”

“Yeah- yeah, I’m coming, I’ll meet you in the car babe!” He hollered back.

There's no hurry anymore

When all is said and done

Then he did something unexpected. Something unscripted. You just felt him pulling you in and dipping you down, and for a moment in one amazing kiss, the audience wasn’t there.

You pulled away, smiling and breathless as the audience cheered.

Send me an ask or fill out this form to be added to my tag list! Send me an ask to be removed from my tag list!

JATP Tag list: @screwunsaidemily @crybabyddl @n0wornever @crybabyddl @dream-a-little-bigger-x @crybabyddl @badwolf00593

Reggie Tag list: @willex-owns-my-heart

Everything: @funsizearsonist

#reggieappweek #more tags coming soon (im slow okay)#reggie x reader #reggie peters #jatp #julie and the phantoms #fanfic #reggie fanfic

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pendragaryen · 4 years

Text

The things that stay with us...

This was supposed to be my last BFSN-post while the show is still airing - the last BFSN-entry right before the series finale. But now it’s just... a FSN-post? Call it a Big-Hug-post. A Hug-Gratitude-post. Or whatever you prefer. Though in my heart Bellarke will ALWAYS be canon (and nothing can ever change that): They didn’t give it to us in the actual show (a show, whose narrative clearly told us otherwise all this time, but well.. whatever...). It’s too much honour to grace such a disappointing last season with a BFSN, dearies. (Or... even more so now? ;P ) So, call it what you like i guess! ;). Honestly, i didn’t want it to end.. just like that... without any last words to you, the kindest, most tolerant and beautiful minded fandom i’ve ever been (proudly!) a part of since 2016. (The selfie lies. It’s not current. I’m sorry, i can’t show you my face these days.. This is from the day just before it all went inevitably down with this season: BB’s death. So... enjoy: That smile’s for you, fam! ;) 2nd pic: The tattoo i got almost two years ago now, on Sept. 22nd 2018, and that never fails to remind me of my emotional support person and the fact, that after every “down” in life there will come an “up” again <3<3<3 )

What makes the whole experience of this last ever season of The 1OO for me so incredibly sad is.... Well, please bear with me if you will... My english STILL isn’t the very best... But i’m trying to put my feelings into words:

Last year, when we got the news that S7 would be the final season, i DREADED this moment. I was AFRAID of this last day (and the hours) before the actual finale. And why so? Bc I am a person, who’s an incredible loser when it comes to let go of the things i love so dearly. Like The 1OO. I... in times i was OBSESSED with it, with the story, with the chacracters and the way they’ve been written, so credible, so tangible in their actions, nothing was just bad or good and even the villains actions had been understandable to some extend. It was amazing! I felt with almost every character! I LOVED it. (And to be very clear here: I’ll never STOP loving The 100′s 6 seasons, that are still existing for me!)

But what i wanted to say is: I dreaded the moment when l would have to let it go. THat inevitable moment, when this show with all its storylines and characters, that have been a part of my life for the last years and that i love so dearly, really ends. Forever. It would end and i wouldn’t be ready to let go, bc it means the world to me. Bc it changed me in more than just one way - no, even better, bc it made me want to change myself! “To do better...” *ugly crying...* THis show SAVED me in a way and in a time, where i was in a very dark place in life, in a very dark mind space (constant illnesses, termination of my job due to these illnesses, an ugly lawsuit etc. pp) , this show and its actors, especially one Robert Alfred Morley (yes), who helped me to look at myself and my mental insecurities and illness from a whole new point of view. I wasn’t ashamed of myself anymore. I felt... relieved. Understood. I even felt kind of loved for what i am, even with my anxieties. (There may or may not come a point or even a person in everyones life, that helps to develop this new kind of view on themselves. And for me this person was and always will be Bob Morley. And whatever happens, i’ll always love him for his open- and kindness and be thankful for his inspiration. I still call myself lucky to have talked with him a couple of times. I treasure these moments. Always.)

So, i was AFRAID of this day, when this all would come to an end. I KNEW it would wreck me, i would be devestated, i would be so incredibly sad, that i won’t be able to put it into words.

And here i am now. I AM sad. I AM devestated. But for so very different reasons that i could never imagine in my wildest nightmares... This last season... Season 7--- no i won’t start again. Not AGAIN. But... just that: What they’ve been creating for us here... it really overshadowed my joy of watching this show throughout this last season, yes even BEFORE that horrible murder of my all time fave and comfort character. I take back whatever i said about S6 or even S5. THIS... S7 was the season, that didn’t feel like the show i fell in love with anymore. Though changes CAN be refreshing and exciting... these changes haven’t been that for me.

Look. The thing is: Even WITH Bob’s request for time off and everything... There would’ve been PLENTY options for the writers to actually make it all make kind of sense! THEY COULD’VE DONE IT BETTER! If they’d really wanted to, that is... And here’s the point: I think they didn’t WANT it. For whatever reasons, whatever happened bts, they decided to do it like they did. And no-one’s able to understand their choices or the characters anymore - those characters we used to know so well, these characters i felt with over the course of so many seasons - who i could understand! EVEN THE VILLAINS! And now... look at the thanks we got. I can’t understand shit anymore when it comes to S7. Bc nothing makes sense. When i see even the GREATEST meta-writers among us surrender in their posts - than it’s really sad times for this fandom...

It’s not even just about Bellarke anymore. Sure, i AM disappointed that they’re not canon now. But then they shouldn’t have arranged the whole story around these two! “The backbone of the whole story”!!! I am laughing. In that case S7 was SPINELESS! Let me tell you. Everyone’s just... flailing around... great little side storylines, but somehow... disconnected from each other and all over the place. That’s how it felt for me to watch this season. And i’m feeling so exhausted by now... I never stopped hoping... I always thought, at some point it would make sense. I’ve read all your great metas AND I WANTED TO BELIEVE! It made perfect sense! (I seriously felt like Fox Mulder from time to time this season... and the lack of sense in the storyline as well as the complete absence of my personal faves (yes i include Clarke (Eliza) here, bc heck, she was so sidelined this season too, self inflicted or not) - all these things had been the “UFO’s or aliens i was hoping to see” one day... Guess i was wrong.)

I’m babbling... Sorry. But it will be for the last time in that kind of form. Promise.

At the end of the day (at the end of all things.. sigh, Frodo... i see you... *blinks back tears*) I am so glad that you’re all here with me, in the same boat. That I’m not alone feeling this kind of lost and baited and betrayed. Bc whatever you like to call it: The narrative promised us otherwise. Did JRott OWE us canon Bellarke? NO. Of course not. But HIS STORY did. The story he’d been telling us for SIX GD YEARS! THAT is what makes me so mad. But most of the time (and despite the selfie above) i’m just sad. Sad and disappointed. I know it will pass one day. And that i’ll find joy in watching S1-4, even S5 except for a couple of scenes, and certain episodes of S6 again. But now is not the day. Even IF they’ll give these characters a “happy ending” in some transcended form or whatever, in the afterlife maybe,... S7 is ruined for me. It wasn’t even a bliss for me before, but it was certainly ruined after they killed “The Heart” - pointlessly (THIS is what will haunt me even years from now..).

Today is the day for saying goodbye. It aches my heart, that we’ll have to do it the way we have to now. But at least we are together. So let’s raise a glass in honour of all the hours of joy and excitement this show brought us over the years, maybe even the tears and laughter, let’s raise a glass for the outstanding performances of the cast and the great storylines some writers developed for us. I am thankful beyond words. Let’s raise a glass to this awesome, talented fandom! I’ve met and talked to dozens of you guys througout the years, and it had always been a pleasure! I hope we’ll stay in touch! <3<3<3 And last but not least: Let’s raise a glass for Kass Morgan. This is HER baby in more than just one way. Without her vision... there wouldn’t have been a show. Or even Bellarke. CANON Bellarke, that is! ;) And i LOVE it!

These are the things that stay with us, these are the things we will remember.

So, have fun with the finale tonight guys! Or should i say: Good luck? ;) I won’t watch now. I haven’t watched since 7x13, and i won’t start again tonight. Not even for the finale. BUT... i’ll probably do it some day in the future. I’m still kind of curious after all. And there are still some characters i want to know how it ends for them. It‘s just... i don’t want to support any ratings. I don’t want to support JRott anymore. But i’ll probably get back to it - if what y’all will write about it afterwards looks promising or not... ;)

See you on the other side!

(Tags under the cut)

Hugs and love to you, dear fam! Tagging @together-is-my-favourite-place @natassakar @geekyogicheese @immortalpramheda @carrieeve @bellamyblake @angelbellamy @burninghoneyatdusk @iwearplaids @wankadi @katersann @nvermindiseeyou @ruggedmurphy @clarkgriffon @poppykru @broashwhat @malclmbright @kizo2703 @cominguproses13x @clarkeindra @tenmonologues @shialablunt @sometimesrosy @zavens @wonderingwhyy @charmainediyoza @the-suns-also-rise @lee-em-dee @bellamynochillblake @junebugninja @songhyeri @underbellamy @talistheintrovert @jeanie205 @bellamys11thfreckle @doontpanic @clarkegriffinblake @goddess-clarke @eyessharpweaponshot @hostagetakerandhistraitor @infp-with-all-the-feelings @theatre-steph @historyofbellarke @as-inevitable-as-morning @bisexualbellamyblake @little-oxford-st @delicatebluebirdruins in no particular order (i am so sorry in advance, if i should’ve forgotten someone... >.<), and yes, i include you too @merlination my Danny, bc without you, i wouldn’t have started watching The 1OO in the first place... ;)

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