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critical-analysis · 6 years ago

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Consent in TTRPGs, the RP Experience as Collaborative Storytelling, and the Importance of Trust between Players and GMs

I wanted to have the first of the two essays I put up this weekend to be specifically Critical Role related, but this one just ended up being the first one I finished, so it's the first one I'm posting.

As I said, it's not specifically about Critical Role, but it is about tabletop role playing, and Critical Role is kind of a prime example of what I'm going to be talking about, so I think it's appropriate to post here. This isn't something I'll be doing a ton of, posting essays about general TTRPGs, but I might do it here and there if I'm inspired to write something.

This is about consent in TTRPGs, and if you're someone who's very much a "the GM is the end all be all and their say is the only one that matters” type, you probably are going to want to leave now. I mean, I’d love it if you were open minded enough to keep reading and maybe learn something, but I’ve dealt with a lot of these types before, so I know that isn’t likely.

There's been a lot of talk lately (particularly last week) about the idea of consent in TTRPG. For anyone who doesn't know, when we're talking about consent in this way we're talking about people consenting to what kind of content they interact with in a game. Our world is a big and complicated one, which means that many people have had experiences that might make certain content triggering to them. As such, many people want to talk about what they're agreeing to when they join a game. This can happen in the form of a conversation with the GM, it can happen in what's called a consent form, it can be a combination of both.

There has been a rather defensive response on the part of some GMs that tends to be along the lines of anything from "they're the players, they can't tell me how to run my story" to "I need these various things (rape, racism, graphic depictions of violence, etc.) to tell my story". Basically, at the end of the day, most of them have one major thing in common: the GM declaring "it's MY story."

And that, I think, is the biggest problem, the reason these GMs are so offended by the idea of consent in these games, and the problem with why their stance is so out of step with what tabletop role playing games are.

These games are a collaborative storytelling experience. It is no one person's story. It's widely accepted in the overall TTRPG community that a GM that artlessly railroads their players because their players aren't following the exact story lines they want them to follow is not a good GM, specifically because the point of these games is for everyone to create a story together. The GM builds the world, creates many of the people in it, sets up the threads for the players to follow and guides them along those threads, but how the players explore those threads is their decision. The story is supposed to come together from both the GM and the players.

A lot of GMs undervalue the storytelling input that the players should be having on the world and story they've created. Players build their backstories, and those backstories should have a place in filling out that world and the story threads the GM has woven together. The paths the players choose to follow determine which stories are told. How they react to different things determine how the story unfolds. Without the players, it's just a world with loose story strands. These games need the players to actually fulfill the stories that are laid out for them. It's a major part of the storytelling for these games, and it needs to be respected as such.

Which means GMs can't view it as just THEIR story. They need to respect that it's the story of everyone at the table. And that everyone at the table, player and GM alike, aren't just telling the story, they're experiencing it. Studies have shown that our brains experience stories we're told as if they're actually happening to us (source). When you add to that the way TTRPGs work, with people playing as these characters they've created, that inevitably have some piece of who they are in them, whether they even realize it or not, the storytelling experience of these games is going to be incredibly emotional and intense. Yes, some people might feel that more than others, and some might feel it less than others. But the idea of that emotionally intense experience shouldn't be disregarded by any means just because some people might not feel it as much as others.

Because of that connection players have to their characters, because of the way our brains react to storytelling, role playing can be a very vulnerable experience for even the most well balanced and emotionally healthy person. Studies have shown that people who play TTRPGs show more empathy than control subjects (source). Which means that they’re going to develop deeper empathic connections to both their own characters and other characters, and experiencing certain things in game as a character, or seeing those things happen to another character, whether the player themselves are in character or out of character, is something that can have a strong effect, beyond just “being shocked” or “feeling something”. Because of how our brains experience stories, and because of the levels of empathy players often have, such an experience can end up feeling very real on an emotional level. For someone who has been through trauma or who struggles emotionally and/or mentally, it's going to be so much more emotional. Players need to be able to trust that when they put themselves in their GM's hands to guide them through this story that their GM is going to make an effort to not hurt them.

Some GMs have tried to excuse their violation of their players trust or their refusal to gain consent first by saying things like "no, I'm empowering them by giving them the chance to be powerful in the situation" or "I'm helping them face their issues and overcome them". To which I have a pretty simple response: No. You don't get to decide when and how people confront their issues. You don't know that putting them in that situation is going to make them feel empowered. You don't know that it's going to help them face their issues. You don't get to make the decision about what's good and healthy for them. You are not their doctor, you are not their mental health care provider. Not only do you not get to make that choice for them, you are not trained to treat them. You don't know how to do it in a safe, healthy, and effective way. People play these games for different reasons, and while some people might play to feel powerful in situations where they might otherwise feel powerless, many other people are just looking to escape the pain and stress of their lives, and bringing in their stressors and traumas ruin that for them, and you don’t get to make the choice for them of whether or not they should be confronting thees things. Yes, people do use these games to work through issues. But they do it on their own terms. Forcing them is not okay. If you guys talk about it and they agree to it (without feeling like they're being pressured to do so), then that's okay. But that's consent, and that's what we're talking about here.

There are examples all over the internet now of games where GMs recognize the collaborative aspect of TTRPGs and work together with their players to tell a story rather than against them. Really, one of the reason these shows are so good and so popular is because the GMs and players embrace that it's a collaborative storytelling experience, and it makes the stories great. Critical Role is a great example of this. Matt Mercer is an amazing storyteller. He has built, and is continuing to build, an incredibly, fascinating, eclectic world, full of interesting people, with different cultures and belief systems and ideas and ways of life. But there are 6-7 other incredibly storytellers at the table, who create deep, complex backstories for their characters, backstories that both create parts of the world and fold in pre-existing parts. They take the world that Matt has given them and create characters to live in it, with backstories that use parts of the world he's given them, and Matt takes parts of those characters and their backstories to create new parts of the world and new story threads. The story, the entire world, is a collaborative effort with Matt and all the players working together to create the overall world and story. And Matt is sensitive to what his players need, is always mindful of making it fun for everyone. He doesn't bulldoze what his players are trying to do with their characters or force them into things they aren't comfortable with for the sake of "his story". Critical Role would not be what it is if Matt Mercer was the kind of DM who looked at the game as HIS story.

These games are supposed to be fun and fulfilling for everyone, GM and players alike. Which means being flexible. Sometimes it means compromise. Just as being a player means operating under the understanding that you're playing in a world with an established history and rules set forth by your GM, being a GM means operating under the understanding that your players and what they want is just as important to the story as what you've created, and that some things require flexibility. If you, as a GM, would have your fun completely ruined by someone needing a slight change made to your story, then being GM is not for you. Most of the things being discussed when the topic of consent in TTRPGs come up should not be necessary to tell an overall story. You should not NEED rape, or child abuse, or bigotry, or graphic depictions of sex or violence, etc. to tell your stories. If you DO “need” those things, you aren’t a very creative storyteller. Respecting consent in TTRPGs is not about completely overhauling your entire world and story.

This does not mean that some games just aren't for some players. There's a difference between someone being triggered by the kind of dark themes one would get in a horror game and it therefor being decided that a certain group isn't for them and a player asking the GM to avoid graphic descriptions of drowning because of their drowning related trauma and being told "no, either you accept it or you're out". And if someone's needs could potentially hinder someone else's enjoyment, it's entirely okay for there to be a discussion that ends in an agreement that they might want to find another game. I had an instance of a player who was both asexual and a survivor of sexual assault, and because of that they weren't just uncomfortable with their character being involved in any kind of romantic or sexual situation, but with any character being involved in romantic or sexual situations. That was something that would have effected the enjoyment of other players, since I knew that a few of the group members really enjoyed those aspects of game play, so we agreed that our game just wasn't the one they were looking for. There was an instance in another game where I had another player who was a survivor of sexual assault who struggled with sexual content in games. We were able to discuss it between us, and then the group, and come to the agreement that while the other players could pursue or have romantic/sexual content and such in their stories, that there would be no graphic descriptions or discussions, and that the player in question’s character was entirely off limits for such things. But that's the big thing there: they were conversations. We talked about what they needed, we discussed whether or not what they needed would hinder the overall story, whether it would effect the enjoyment of other players, and whether or not there were compromises we could come to that would work for everyone (and I want to be clear here: when I talk about compromises being made, I'm not just talking about compromises that players might make. The GM needs to be willing to compromise as well). These aren't just your players or potential players. They're your co-storytellers (or potential co-storytellers). Basically, if you forego any discussion and just treat it as "my way or the highway", you're GMing wrong.

Honestly, this relatively recent topic of GMs refusing to have these discussions with their players and agree to informed consent when it comes to gameplay is just a new (newish, new in it actually being discussed) part of a much older problem that happens in TTRPGs, and that's inflexible GMs who treat it as THEIR story and THEIR game, refusing to recognize or respect the importance of their players in the storytelling experience. As I've said before, they refuse to look at it as a collaborative storytelling experience where everyone is supposed to have fun and they only look at it as what they want to do. This isn't just a case of a GM who's a hardass about certain rules. It's not even necessarily about the kind of GM that favors rules over story. This is a problem of GMs who treat the entire endeavor as THEIR story, THEIR artistic vision, THEIR thing, and treat the players as simply being their to facilitate it.

I understand the allure of looking at it that way, or rather, I can see how someone would be drawn to TTRPGs and start to look at it that way. Having players there to interact with your story can sort of give you instant gratification of response in a way other forms of storytelling often don't. It's a way of telling a story that HAS to be consumed. So it makes sense that people who want to tell stories but who haven't gotten much response to anything they've posted or online, or who haven't been published for whatever reason, would be drawn to these kinds of games. Honestly, it makes sense why anyone who wants to tell stories would be drawn to these games. They become a GM because they want to tell stories, but they either don't understand that these games aren't just one person telling a story, that it's a collaborative process. Or they don't WANT the collaborative aspect.

I'm sure that a good number of these types of GMs are also players who were expecting to be able to tell their own story or do whatever they wanted when they played, who got mad when their GM didn't let them monopolize their story and shove out the other players stories, or when their GM just didn't let them do whatever they wanted. I'm sure we've all seen at least one GM like this, who didn't have the power to completely control the story when they were the player, so they became a GM because they interpreted "wouldn't let me completely take over the narrative" as "controls every aspect of the story".

Whichever type they are, wherever they come from and whatever their reasons, they're people who treat the gameplay and storytelling experience as theirs and theirs alone, that it's their story completely and that the players are just there to be used to tell it. They completely misunderstand what being a GM is, what TTRPGs are supposed to be right down to their very core. It's a collaborative process, where EVERYONE at the table is creating a story together. It's an emotional experience that can be very vulnerable, and that takes a lot of trust. You need to be understanding, you need to be flexible, and you need to be willing to compromise. Sometimes the players might go down a different path than you expect. Sometimes they might not be interested in the big flashy story you're throwing at them. And sometimes they might need a small concession in order for their experience to feel safe and happy.

If you're unwilling to be flexible in those cases, then you probably shouldn't be a GM.

And that's okay. Being a GM isn't for everyone. It requires A LOT of work. Not even just in the planning of the actual game and story, but in continually communicating with your players and making sure everything is okay. You should always have an open discussion with your players before a game starts, or before someone joins a game, about what they want out of the game, what they might need from you, and about whether or not your game is the kind of game they're looking for. You need to be constantly communicating with them making sure they're not uncomfortable with anything that's happening in the story or at the table. You need to make sure things are good between the players and that nobody is making anyone else feel unsafe or uncomfortable. Collaborative storytelling, creating characters and essentially living as them for hours at a time, it's a fun and entertaining game, yes, but it's also an emotional experience that requires a certain amount of vulnerability, and the players need to that support from their GM. If you're not willing to put in the work required to off that support, then again, being a GM might not be for you.

There are a lot of different ways to be a storyteller. Sure, maybe not all of them have the instant interaction that TTRPGs have, but if you're not willing to accept TTRPGs for what they are (collaborative storytelling experiences where everyone's input matters and where everyone's enjoyment and safety are important), then you shouldn't get into it. Just as you shouldn't get into any field or medium without understanding and respecting what it is. If you don't want to share the story and support your fellow storytellers, then don't be a GM. Find a different way to tell a story. Don't put other people's safety, enjoyment, and storytelling experience at risk just because you want that instantaneous interaction.

If you're unwilling to be flexible in your storytelling to help your players have the best experience possible, you're not a good GM. And, quite frankly, if you have to resort to things like rape, bigotry, etc. in order to "shock" your players or your readers, then you aren't a very good storyteller, either.

#ttrpgs #critical role #dnd

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yawmanzo · 7 years ago

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Yaws Personal Reflection on Touka Kirishima

I'd like to start of with this quote by Touka in the novels.

“What the hell do you know? It's all because I can't eat, because I could become a target at any time, all because I'm a ghoul! No matter how much I try, there's a wall I can never jump over, and there's happiness I can never have. But I'm still hanging on to life. Despite it all”

Followed by this from part 1.

And of course this from Yomo.

As you can see there’s a pattern, and if I wanted to I could indulge you with a fuckton more Touka quotes/panels to further exemplify these, but I digress because I ramble too much and words alone aren’t enough to truly encapsulate everything in its entirety😒.

Alrighty then, let’s get this long rambling journey started! I dub thee:

“Strength in weakness and Weakness in strength”

What makes Touka such an interesting character for me in terms of her writing is that there’s a lot of nuances to her that make her so fascinating to read. Because of these elements, I feel as though leads to a general misconception/misunderstanding of her character in favor of either completely overlooking or simply dismissing them and marking them as purely simplistic and well… not important/uninteresting. I for one believe that there lies a profound complex simplicity and simple complexity of sorts to a lot of these nuances that can be very easy to miss, but are of crucial note to consider, most especially the subtleties to her growth in :re alongside many important thematic elements of the story, other characters and herself.

Adjacent with this is her own personality, decisiveness , selflessness and immense sheer mental fortitude in the face of adversity; living while losing things, moving forward with the little they have, in the hopes of gaining as little or as much as they can towards a peaceful world where such a thing is virtually taboo for ghouls and humans trapped in the bird cage.

Additionally is her journey being the opposite to Kaneki, wherein he became more ghoul like than human in pursuit of strength (since human is normally denoted as weak). Meanwhile Touka underwent an opposite journey in which she became more human like than ghoul, and there’s a fine dichotomy/conflict for balance between the two that we see with the tribulations faced in the story. In other words strength in weakness (Ghoul- human) and weakness in strength (Human-ghoul) and the various connotations.

Moreover is the conflict she herself feels as a ghoul in viewing herself as a monster, thus wanting to be more human,

even when others view her in a different light in conjunction with the earlier harsh actions she would make for the sake of her survival and of others.

We even see how she saves Kaneki numerous times when she didn't really have any obligation to do so in the beginning after considering his own plight in the world as a half ghoul with no place to belong to via Yoshimuras explanation. It’s due to her caring nature that on the surface comes off as very “hard” due to the exterior she puts up as a result of the life she’s lived.

Special mention to when he almost ate Hide after fighting Nishki in his starving state and her stepping in,

thus saving the both of them, something that made Hide very grateful towards her for. (And Hide being hype wing man since chapter 1)

And although her threatening to kill Hide and Kimi in relation to their human relations with Kaneki and Nishki comes across as very cruel, its also due to the volatile position that they have in human society as ghouls for security and safety.

For all intents of purposes, their safety takes preference, and we see how this does change in her being able to trust them with their secret, because it’s a risky one that could lead to them losing everything.

Which as we know, that level of trust didn't exactly work out too well for her and Ayato as little kids that forced them to fend for themselves in the world.

There are several instances where she does come across as real vicious and as Kaneki says “scary”, but also very caring in her own way during many stages of part 1 when he needed someone the most in the world, which is something he remains eternally grateful to her for in his life. She provided that foundation for him in the ghoul world.

As Uta mentions, she's continuously walking a very tight rope between both worlds and there's a constant struggle faced with everything that she deals with in which she simply cannot afford even the tiniest of slips.

What Touka has wanted from the beginning is a chance at a normal peaceful life, away from the violent lifestyle she was forced into as a ghoul, and all the battles and killings she has had to partake in.

Her envy for the life that humans live, her hatred for herself in being a ghoul yet longing for peace and understanding between both species are ones that continuously drive her character forward. ([x]- @encase great explanation of this!)

It’s always been the characters of a set case between her and Kaneki as stated earlier. Kaneki a former human was forced into the ghoul world yet was already living a violent and miserable human lifestyle. While Touka lived a harsh ghoul life which initially had somewhat of a human like upbringing with Arata and Ayato, before that life was lost. There's also her curiosity in wanting to learn more and be a part of the human world. (@wishes-upon-dreams has lots of good novel shots!)

These are two symbolic thematic attributes of Tokyo Ghoul between these two alone, and all the complications that come with it.

Another worthy line from her in the novels is wherein she and Kaneki make human food for Touka to give to her friend Yoriko after a misunderstanding they had.

Touka remarks on Kaneki attempting to taste the food whilst being aware that he's no longer a full human anymore. Kaneki admits that in the moment that fact was lost on him due to how the food looked and of course him wistfully remembering being able to eat and taste all these types of foods. She comments on which scenario is worse between the two: one who's lost an ability, or one who never had the ability to begin with.

“Who has it worse- someone who was never equipped with a function, or someone who had it and lost it?”

AKA Kaneki losing his ability to eat human food, and Touka never having the ability to eat human food.

Well at least her pregnancy later on gave that nice little cake development parallel.

So... a lot tend to dismiss her as too weak or bland of a character, or how her relationship with Kaneki stripped away her own “independent” character. In other words, her role of importance got reduced. Which… yeah there were times that her appearances got sidelined and so forth in us not seeing her as much. But I'll mention that briefly later with regards to Ishidas writing style with some of his characters.

Firstly, with the “independence” part… a characters relations they have with others doesn’t make them weak that goes concurrently with their very own distinct development. (obviously depending on the circumstances mind you and how its established)

In fact the narrative in TG shows how taking things up solely alone leads to more suffering and increased burden that ultimately comes crashing down towards said character without the bonds they form with others. (Eg Kanekis main flaw that Touka opposes with selfish V selfless that she explicitly exposes him for in part 1 with the bridge scene) Note that there are semblances that both invoke and affect each with in a complementary/similar yet opposing way that I've talked about before in the Touken reflection.

Kaneki takes everyone's burdens by himself in order to protect them, but he's not really the selfless martyr he thinks he is. They never asked for his protection, in fact they want to help and be with him, but he's terrified of losing them, thus opting to shoulder all their burdens. He pushed them away and avoided them in order to protect them, AKA Hide and Touka. In doing so it hurts both sides immensely in not being able to really save the other.

Touka can not only see a bit of Arata and Ayato (soldier of Aogiri) in Kaneki with regards to the whole pursuit of power and strength by waging war and advancing violence to protect, but also a bit of herself in some her own actions done to protect those she cares about that they themselves did not ask for. She hits the nail right on the coffin with him because she knows how he is, because she has that affect on him.

This is seen in the novels to an extent with her fighting off students that made fun of Yoriko. Yoriko mentioned that she didn't want Touka to do that for her even though it hurt her. The situation simply just made her more sad, along with Yorikos own lack of self worth in feeling like she was a burden to Touka.

When Touka partakes in her revenge against Mado and the doves for killing Ryouko in order to protect Hinami

a similar thing happens (which wasn't all violence as seen by her trying to give misinformation to the CCG and stir attention away from them).

Hinami laments that she never wanted revenge, but was rather just sad. In both instances Touka doesn't understand why her protecting them through those means was wrong at first, but we see how it affects her in each case with regards to the feelings of those she cares about.

Touka mentions Ayatos reluctance in not wanting to learn more about human society and wanting to safely protect him when it's the same human society that led to their parents demise and one that is systematically established to kill them . After all, humans are just food to them as ghouls, and ghouls are monsters to them right?

With these genuinely selfless actions and ideals, she realized how they pushed the people she cared about. Actually it's quite sad how Touka is always getting abandoned by those she cares about in her life, such as Hikari,Arata,Ayato,Kaneki, Hinami, Yoshimura, Irimi, Koma, Yoriko etc etc. Obviously each of these throughout her life have different factors to them through her own actions and those of others that led to being left alone and or tragically losing them.

Along with this is generally her struggle in communicating/expressing her true feelings towards others through words alone which can often lead to ironic misunderstandings in the moment that she regrets many times.

(which is a trait she shares with Yomo and Ayato).

“I'm really bad at sorting out my feelings, and although I try to put up a good front, I'm incredibly immature, and I hate that about myself”-Touka

Man the novels really are such gems with extra insight to her character. In essence you can show how she does have good intentions. She really doesn't want to lose more of her loved ones and be alone, unless it involves letting go in certain situations and considerations.

I’m not necessarily justifying her relapse in actions here, but you can see just how pissed off she got with Kanekis tragic heroism vendetta

,that and well the man straight up lied about not leaving her alone. (thanks Hide for the chin tip).

Yes Kaneki does genuinely want to “protect” his loved ones,

but he's doing it all wrong in never even considering their own feelings in regard to his whole quest and them being unable to help him, hence being selfish and not wanting to be alone himself. As we see, it’s something he eventually realizes due to Touka’s effect on him.

(which is another thing that both share, fear of being alone that they express differently yet similarly) Cool how the whole rabbit motif is used to exemplify this too, since they can die from loneliness due to the strong relationship bonds they form.

Doing everything alone is a constant no no in TG. Cough Kenny boy, rely on your loved ones, they love you. Though we see how and why he and many others in the story become that way with the whole “you're weak and lack of ability” perception for power and strength. It’s very understandable for many of these characters and it’s quite profound with the many layers to it aside from just the physical that at times come across as very contradictory. “Weakness in strength and strength in weakness”

Tangent, but this also goes in conjunction with Uries development in overcoming that very same flaw he had himself to where he realized it faster than Kaneki did.

And of course the whole point of the dragon arc to show that people, in other words everyone (ghouls and humans) HAVING to rely on each other to combat a common threat and achieve coexistence when needed to even with the flawed prejudiced nature of the human world towards ghoul kind.

Anyways, back to Touka chan.

I really do not believe Touka to be a “weak” character. In fact she’s very strong in her own way since there’s many different types of “strength” and complexities to many of these characters. One who’s strength does not solely rely on her physical abilities or quick thinking/hard work (I mean hell she caught up to years of school at a late age almost gearing up to go to Kamii university which is for proper smart students whilst working at Ainteku). And of course her curiosity on learning more about the world with regards to humans and ghouls that she later instilled in a rather practical sentimental manner as an “advisory” figure.

Ya’ll remember when she was basically hood AF in the streets with that underground ghoul dialect?

By the way holy hell she can speak two languages, that's pretty dope. Except for those skills in Japanese literature... lol that’s just a Rip😂

Point being there are many different testaments of complexity and strength she possess as her own character away from just “the physical”.

Growth

Touka’s character matures and grows a lot in :re becoming more passive, cool headed and wiser as the manager of :re. Like when I first read :re bruh, I was always like “woah this is Touka now? Damn she's changed so much” (and got more thicc)

even with some of her distinct traits still being there… Like her blunt and direct 0 fucks teasing sass, I love me some sass. She definitely lived up to Aintekus legacy and then some with Yoshimuras influence.

She valued the importance of peacekeeping as manager of :re, and its implied that her, Yomo and Nishki performed those roles, similar to how Yoshimura did with the bits of informants they had from others as well.

She became not just more empathetic but generally more sympathetic to an extent, understanding and kind towards others most especially those that wronged her, those she cares about and those she herself has hurt in the past. We see this time and time again.

Few examples include her giving Shinohara the flowers

tying into her forgiveness arc with Arata, the violent CCG perpetual cycle in general, and also got tied in with Juuzou

which got referenced as a point of contention for their characters during their encounter underground.

We see this with Shuu and her explanation for why cafe :re exists as an homage to Ainteku for humans and for ghouls to feel safe in (the spiritual home of coexistence) , as well as a place for Kaneki to return home to, as Yoshimura once wished for with Eto.

Touka prioritizes his well being and happiness over hers, even with the flawed situation wherein they both care about Kaneki in their own way and have differing viewpoints.

Shuu admits to Touka that she’s right in him being an egotist, alongside seeing her point of view when he fights Haise.

Touka also admits that she understands where Shuu is coming from, because she does desire for Kaneki to be with them.

Both parties raise valid points in their own way since they do genuinely care, however the difference in intent further shows that selfless nature of Touka in waiting for Kaneki to come back when HE needs to, not by forcing him when Haise had the whole Haise/Kaneki memory personality conflict that he needed to resolve himself that we see in the Rosewald and Cochlea arcs.

It’s also interesting to note how Kaneki in part 1 distanced himself to protect her from the ghoul world whilst being aware that she as a ghoul can never truly live with just being solely in the human world and the dangers that it possesses in it’s own right towards ghouls.

In :re she means for him not be brought back into the ghoul world due to his suffering in it for so long in order to protect his well being and happiness.

Yet the human world he lives in the CCG is also categorized by violence, suffering and conflict that Haise/Kaneki gets further thrown into. Plus we see how Shuu himself feels about that world due to what happened with his own family in their battle against CCG and Kaneki/Haise being a ghoul investigator. Both cases show how genuine and flawed these motives are, yet also painting the feelings they have in caring for the other in their own distinct ways that's not as straightforward black and white. “Selfish V Selfless”

She forgives her brother Ayato because she understood him to an extent with his faults (not that she ever harbored hatred for him in the first place because she loves him).

Touka sees why he did the things he did because. He wanted to become stronger in Aogiri and protect her, even though he hurt her, as Kaneki exposed to him in their fight. Cue 103 god damn bones.

“Does it hurt? I think Touka chan experienced more pain than that”- Kaneki

Yeah nah... That’s just tough😂 Later on we see how Ayato took this to heart by taking on the Black Rabbit persona in order to lure CCG investigators away from Touka, thus clearing her tracks.

With this she goes to assure him with sincerity in directing him in the right path moving forward despite everything, thus mending their complicated sibling relationship in their own Tsundere Kirishima way.

She gives Kaneki his will to live through her loyal love, influence and support spanning years and years of waiting with the undying faith she possesses towards those she cares about and to him. Not that she had to herself anyway since Kaneki always held her on such a high level of importance in his life throughout the whole story with ALL his personalities and their whole evolutionary dynamic as a whole.

That's another thing about her, that fierce faith is truly special despite the instances it isn’t rewarded.

I mean when this man was on the verge of losing everything and giving in on his plan to die in style, the thought of her and everyone else dying kept him going along with the Hide inner monologue during the Arima fight.

“It may not be stylish, but live”

She allows Goat and the lost ghouls (including the Aogiri children) to use cafe :re as their safety hideout away from CCG, that has CCG members themselves (AKA 0 squad). Once again reinforcing that spiritual home of coexistence.

Side note- another cool tidbit is seeing Toukas natural maternal instincts with children, something we saw bits of with Hinami and Ayato in part 1 as well as the novels.

Her taking care of the ghoul children with Hinami and reading to them were always super adorable to see in also foreshadowing her as a mother and just generally a very kind caring person which she's always been at heart.

Next big demonstration of her growth we see is the convo with Amon in which they both come to a mutual understanding of the circumstances that forced their actions in such a cruel world of kill or be killed.

alongside her offering advice to him about going to see Akira in relation to her feelings about Kaneki.

Then there’s the Akira convo with Hinami: which remains one of my favorites indications of how much she’s developed from part 1 (also because of how similar Touka and Akira are in many ways... I love em). Chapter 120 was one of the first major steps towards seeing how these characters can break the human/ghoul violent perpetual cycle with general empathy and even sympathy to an extent as difficult as it may be. To instill hope into their world, where all they knew was hopeless continuous bloodshed.

Being able to confront Akira directly with what happened, not being focused on continuing the cycle of revenge.

Going on to showcase some semblance of being able to relate with her own experiences and of their fathers in painting the cruel intricate nature of both sides in regards to the actions they take- be it survival, revenge, power to protect, or all the above. Thus slowly shifting Akira’s ingrained beliefs and perspective to it’s core.

It's interesting how Ishida mentioned inspiration from a war documentary applied in the reconciliation between Akira and Hinami , and Touka was the one that initiated that through her development and teachings from others and her own life experiences.

(Shout to Sen for the translations! @kenkamishiro)

Mind you this was a VERY complicated and tough situation wherein those wounds aren’t somehow magically healed between them, but at the very least the continuous cycle of vengeance was subverted in order to move forward.

She's often seen as a very forgiving person towards others in :re, too forgiving at times actually, which is one of her biggest strengths and weaknesses. Or that she doesn't “fight hard” enough and let's go too easily. But one can also see why she's like that, mainly due to the priorities she sets and well… she ain't got time to dwell on things like revenge, war and violence anymore even if it's completely warranted and justified. She's seen and experienced first hand what that does to herself and others time and time again. She knows the script and prioritizes moving forward away from that, even if it hurts her and them having to constantly pick and choose in the process.

As long as a situation of conflict can be resolved in any way, they'll continue to live and survive in the world. Mental fortitude is a big strength of hers when it comes to pressing forward in the face of adversity.

It’s even more notable to notice this development when looking back at the violent, angsty and tragic harsh life she lived as a ghoul with Ayato from childhood towards their teens years. After all it's a kill or be killed world, one where the strong take from the weak, and the weak are the ones that perish.

That and how viciously she lashed out at others, herself and the world through violence and rage due to that bloody ghoul lifestyle. The hard harsh exterior, soft kind interior continuously interchanged, intertwined and crossed several thresholds.

Highkey nice heavy parallel to Hikari and Arata though. As Yomo mentioned, Hikari used to be quite savage back when she was younger until she calmed down later on in life with her family, and where Arata was a really kind pacifist type ghoul, her death led to him later becoming a “monster” out of revenge that resulting in his downfall. In many ways also applying to both Touka and Kaneki with their own unique divergences. And of course the parallels between Ayato and Yomo in regards to their respective pursuits for strength and revenge.

“The world is power, let’s use power to decide who’s superior. Careless idiot. You are weak. So you lose. Just like father.”- Ayato

“Who is the strongest? I fucking am”- Kaneki

“...I want to become strong”- Yomo

“I also need to get stronger”- Touka

“Strength in weakness and weakness in strength”

“Strength” and “power” as a whole is extremely intricate, with all the different types of it in its many variations/forms that come with their own respective advantages and disadvantages.

So many of these different attributes and aspects we see to be something that many characters in the story come to admire from Touka as a person, a ghoul , sister, friend, wife and manager of :re/ fellow leader of GOAT along with Kaneki and right hand man Shuu.

Sure Ishida could have definitely utilized and actually showcased more scenes with her doing things in which we could see a lot of this development/moments onscreen, especially the first half of :re (as a matter of fact I’d be on the first train to destination MORE TOUKA STUFF AND WRITING EMPHASIS PLEASE)

But one can also deduce the salient impact of her smaller scale actions/motivations that attribute to the plot, many characters and the very essence of the story thematically and even that of her character. A phrase I always use to describe that belief is “Yo Touka is doing bits” which basically means how those moments may seem really minuscule at first, but are actually very meaningful.

This also includes her evolving personality from part 1 as a consequence of the melancholic and painful stoic adverse nature of the world that genuinely did affect her for many years on end. There’s also kind of parallel with her really. Second half of part 1 Touka scenes weren’t as much in favor of Kaneki and other characters development, but they were very impactful in their own moments, in contrast to the first half of :re with a similar sentiment.

Plus I mean well, one can see how much Ishida struggled with writing his main cast of characters in :re with part 1 characters and side characters with some getting more development/ specific writing priority over others in different fashions alongside MANY plot points and concepts. That and yes several plot points and character interactions with her did get dropped in the story/didn't get as much development on screen as they should have, which mind you isn't just exclusive to her character alone like in the case of several others. One little missed opportunity is the Yoriko reunion that didn't happen on screen which was really unfortunate as that would have been so emotional to see for them both, (and me since I kept waiting for it)

But at least she saw her wedding with Bujin to make sure she was ok

and them reuniting offscreen during the end time skip was good. Ichika loving aunty Yorikos bread and Mucchans apples is a blessing, so thank goodness for that.

And yes there's a lot of other stuff that could be mentioned as well that would have been great to see onscreen, but eh what can you do.

While many favor her character in part 1, which is fair because my god she was fire AF🔥

it’s also important to notice all the subtle factors that led to her personality and growth shifting the way it did from a teenager to young adult whilst still maintaining her distinct “Touka” traits (then again I love her in everything so😅). That’s the whole point of it, to show how people change in life, what would be the point if she remained the exact same as part 1 in terms of writing?

Again, different strokes for different folks, but I personally appreciate both depictions and find them very fascinating in their own rights especially with their flaws that continuously kept me glued to her character even with the discrepancies in screen time.

In other words, I find her journey very interesting to read and interpret, particularly since there’s a lot of writing cues to her in favor of being designated in deciphering rather than explicitly stated in all lines of text and dialogue. Perhaps that’s the main issue with some aside from the whole her not being shown as much? The fact that a lot of the writing is nuanced in several ways and not as right in your face with text panels/ inner monologues and inner character thoughts emphasized and fleshed out? Either way, those visual cues/elements of show don’t tell and at times “less equals more” being implemented in the story are ones that always make me so passionate about her character. To ascertain her thoughts, feelings, actions and motivations when the narrative doesn’t state it as right in your face but rather deduced through the already established notions and elements that are set/keep getting set.

I have no idea if I’m making sense😑

But yeah that’s how I see it. Like something as simple as her just not saying anything, or words being omitted in favor of emphasis being placed on subtle visual representation in a panel just makes me want to always see more of her and decipher her thoughts without her even having to state all of them outwardly. This conveyance without the need of many words (which don’t get me wrong would be greatly appreciated in many instances!) doesn’t really hinder her as boring to me, rather very intriguing, but again each to their own you know?

Continuing on her desire to be with those she loves and not be alone, in other words to gain as much as she can with the little available while losing things. She told Ayato the same sentiment which can ESPECIALLY be meant for Kaneki too.

“Rely on others for a change”

An aspect of her strength stems from her ability and strong personality in which she carries herself when all the odds are against her, and when she herself is very limited to what she can achieve by herself alone in the world, yet continues to fight either way. In other words… she’s realistic in seeing the world as it is with all ones flawed strengths and weaknesses in the face of the tribulations they face and the choices they must make for better or for worse, positive and negative. It also shows the priorities she places in fighting reactively, in other words when she HAS to or in regards to those she cares about where she would rather avoid using violence to solve conflicts in :re unless pressed to do so in response to something or when pressed.

Eg. Saving Shuu from CCG investigators that were on his ass.

The Kirishima family and Banjou squad Cochlea fights to save Hinami thanks to Kaneki’s aid.

Versus the Arima squad members

Sneaky sister save as mask 33.

and versus Arima himself (which honestly that's just a Rip for the whole family).

Being aided by Eto to push on forwards.

Fighting off Special class Kyoko Aura, Mougan and other CCG members with the other ghouls namely Yomo, Banjou, his squad and Hinami when they themselves were already fatigued. And of course protecting Ayato

showcasing her emerging two wings with that based Hikari Yomo lightning ⚡⚡

Later combining forces with Kaneki and 0 squad to escape.

Then there's her fight against Mutsuki that endangered not just her and Kanekis lives, but led to the destruction of :re. The whole shit underground wherein they got attacked whilst already starved and with little resources, forcing retaliation to survive.

And of course operation save Kenny and Tokyo with dragon. (Title drop)

That doesn’t necessarily make her “weak”, or one who doesn't do much fighting because she's a damsel, particularly when she’s PREGNANT from 128 to the 170s. She fights only when pushed to do so.

Again in 123-124 she held her own against Mutsuki (who’s very strong) when her cafe got destroyed by the oggai and kept her cool, suppressing her emotions when taunted with Yorikos fake “fate” in an attempt to get her all triggered (once more showing her development in :re as part 1 Touka would have definitely lashed out in justified rage)

We see she's clearly hurt by this in 124 despite her trying desperately to subvert that fact and not showcase that much emotion when Kaneki asks if she's ok. She's obviously not as another home/dream of hers got crushed, and its conveyed so effectively yet subdued without her even saying much via her vulnerable posture and her switching the subject to Hide in order to deal with her own feelings about Yoriko, but also that of how Kaneki felt about both Hide and Touka in this painful situation.

Both distanced themselves from their friends in order to protect them, yet yearned desperately to see them. Kaneki did the same with Touka and Hide, Touka did the same with Yoriko and Haise/Kaneki, and as was revealed via talking about Hide- was something he couldn't do anything about. Because if he thought about it, he'd just be consumed by the desire to see them again. Cue Akon “Lonely, I'm mister lonely” and them rooting like rabbits.

You can see how without even saying anything through her facial expressions how Touka feels,

She’s able to connect everything in regards to how they mutually feel the same about this with their friends and their own feelings for each other. Both were terrified of the other dying.

Which of course led to them finally being able to close that gap of loneliness and pain in which they made love and consummated their relationship.

Despite all the fuckery of the world around them, all the war that they were in, for just one moment they were finally able to experience happiness in the darkness that both had craved for so long with each other, and it speaks volumes to one of the most important and emotionally resonate symbolic messages of the series. Breaking the barrier between both worlds.

Ghoul-Human

Hell speaking about the unplanned pregnancy, let’s go back to the human esc journey. The narrative has explicitly explained the dangers of human food consumption for ghouls since the very beginning.

In her fight with Ayato, it’s clear how this type of lifestyle has considerably weakened her full ghoul potential in reference to her one Ukaku wing

and lack of that cold ghoul intensity she used to have as Shuu states.

As mentioned before, Ayato finds her wanting to be part of human society (that denotes weakness) to be idiotic and dangerous due to what happened with their parents and Arata’s upbringing.

Leading his pursuit for ghoul strength and hatred towards humans in Aogiri (which does change through his own development later on)

Yomo also criticized this during their training via her eating Yorikos food to fit in so much at school (novels and part 1)

and the Itori talk to Kaneki about the failures of ghoul-human hybrids which also gets referenced later with the flawed half humans.

Later we see Touka ask Kaneki about how Eto was kept alive with Yoshimura a ghoul father and Ukina a human mother. The difference of course is the reverse in the situation for a ghoul mother.

And of course Mutsuki’s taunting during their second big fight where Touka was at a clear disadvantage.

SHE KNOWS human food is bad for her body due to its weakening effect. It's been a reoccurring thing for her ever since her upbringing with Arata and what influenced her curiosity in wanting to understand humans and the world they live in. Simultaneously it’s almost like she herself is fighting against that known fact and still trying desperately to fit into some kind of normal human esc style of life as a ghoul when she knows she realistically can't.

To be able to enjoy things like cake, burgers and so forth when her ghoul body prohibits this. After all as ghouls they have no choice but to eat humans. Kaneki himself is even baffled by the lengths she would go just to uphold Yorikos feelings over her own. I mean she could easily just lie and not eat the food at all right?

And yet she still goes the extra mile to not only protect Yorikos feelings whilst endangering herself because she cares so much, but also fight against the notion of her being a ghoul to an almost foolish extent.

It’s why the whole “don’t die, push through me, live” as she’s forcing herself to eat human food to try save her unborn child Ichika is so powerful in contrast to the strong will by Ukina (a human) who actually can digest and cannibalize human meat for her hybrid child Eto.

For a ghoul to eat human food, is essentially like hell, and if she didn't, her body would naturally consume the foetus, furthermore adding to the perception of her being a monster by taking her own child's life. Her chance at becoming a mother and starting a family would be lost. That's why she’s willing to do anything to give her child even the faintest 1% chance of survival, regardless of how it may hurt and weaken her or how slim the possibilities of success are. [x- great commentary by @mamasaiko and @lilacflamesss !)

That’s why her becoming pregnant didn’t hinder her character to me, it restricted her full potential absolutely, but it also presented the opportunity to put her into extremely constrained dangerous scenarios wherein her immense fortitude and willpower would be tested to its limits with regards to her ability to always make choices, for better or for worse. Again it’s that strength we see numerous characters admire from her. The hybrid pregnancy is something that should be a very positive thing and very well is as with the whole hope and symbolic aspect of the series for some semblance of light in the darkness.

It presented the main core message of coexistence in breaking away from the tragic cycle that several characters looked towards, yet it was also one due to situation/wrong timing that added more struggles and tribulations to be faced. THAT’S THE CONFLICTING DILEMMA that was so damn enthralling and stressful AF to bear witness to!

Her being able to make tough choices time and time again whether she likes them or not. The underground alone had her being forced to lead the ghouls (including children) out of danger and leave her loved ones in order to protect herself, her unborn child and the lives of those ghouls. From Yomo,

to 0 squad,

to Hinami all in quick succession… SHE DOESN’T WANT to leave her loved ones, she hates doing that with them having to protect her and being abandoned. But in the situation it’s something she HAS to do by trusting them with that faith. In fact we see in her situation with Hinami how desperately she tries to aid her even with her weakened condition by getting all pissed off.

It was only when Hinami told her to go protect the children did she finally make that choice.

We don't even see her clouded facial expression or her thoughts, their blocked, which further adds the front she's trying so hard to put in order to remain strong and keep going even though we know it's absolutely killing her inside. She tries to reach out Hinami, but she knows she can't waste more time in hesitating with her decision given the situation, because if she did… well they'd all get fucked.

It's also quite poignant to note the arcs of both here. Hinami herself is still by all means a child of sorts, or rather a young adult protecting her older sister figure, as Touka did for her in part 1 and the novels.

Hinami's character development is one for strength and self worth, and it was depicted very beautifully yet sad with her monologue about her own perceived weakness she expressed to Ayato and how she viewed Touka and Kaneki in being a burden to them, hence seeking strength by joining Aogiri.

Hinami was able to fight side by side with Touka in her weakened condition, both watching each others backs.

Which is something that makes Touka proud in how much Hinami has grown, yet it also adds to the whole “living while losing things” in that situation in trusting her strength against such volatile odds in order to press forwards with her own survival, that of her unborn child and that of the other helpless ghouls when she hates doing so but has to do so. Like Ryouko did for Hinami.

Special mention is Hinamis admiration for her stemming all the way from the beginning “strong, delicate, beautiful”. You did wonderfully in becoming all that and more with your development too Hina👏

When she sees Yorikos letter, SHE WANTS TO SAVE HER and you can see how shocked and pained she is her just by her facial expression

but given Goats very volatile position and Kaneki “dying” at the time, she simply can’t as it would jeopardize their whole organization, and thus she chooses her family, Kaneki and their child when Kaneki himself struggles with his own indecisiveness that could have truly been a trap to lure them into action not based on fortified assurance.

This is another instance Kaneki greatly admires in contrast to his flaw in being indecisive and choosing.

The circumstance itself places this cruel obligation on her to make those choices, but she makes them either way because she has to, otherwise as we’ve seen in TG, failure in making a choice leads to more tragedy. Shit even MAKING choice or choosing not to MAKE a choice can still very well result in that. She COULD have very well elected to save Yoriko, similar to how they went to save Hinami in cochlea (with Ayato, Yomo and Banjou squad) or save Kaneki when he get got captured by Aogiri

in contrast to how she elected to save Kaneki in the dragon arc (joining forces with CCG and the ghouls). These are all separate choices due to different circumstances and considerations that she makes within those emotional situations, and I love the little line in 148 that she says to Nishki.

“What should I do?”

She contemplates all the factors and elements available in making a choice. Can they with just the ghouls save Kaneki and Tokyo at large? How do they do that in the first place with the limited resources they have? All she’s known is loss, so... should they just carry on living with that for their own survival when Tokyo is in danger? [x]

Like… there's a lot of unspoken suffering that she was going through in that whole arc alone. Her very own husband and father of their child who called her a monster in the beginning,

became one himself in order to protect them and see her again by devouring most of Tokyo consisting of humans, ghouls and children when they were all on the brink…

That's tough... and really fucked up. But given the pushed situation (that sure could have been subverted prior), a choice had to be made once again in which they'd face the consequences either way.

Whilst I’ve said that a defining trait of hers is that decisiveness and ability to choose, she herself always contemplates her choices and the consequences thereof even when they are purely emotionally driven. Should I do this? Should I do that? What if I had done this? What if I had done that? In fact that’s the thing about TG in general with MANY characters. As a matter of fact it applies to the whole cast in general really.

The choices they make, and how it’s not always about whether they are “right” or “wrong” but about how they’re made and how one continues pushing forward from said choice. “Forever choosing, forever being chosen”

And of course the dilemma between one's desire for even the tiniest semblance of happiness opposed to the tough predicament they face and all the outcomes that results from it that prohibit such.

“Why do things have to be like this?”

Her breakdown at the end of part 1 added greatly to that during the Ainteku raid where they lost everything. She wanted to go help everyone, she didn't want to lose them, yet Yomo stopped her because they had to choose not to in order for them to keep on living with Yoshimura, Irimi and Komas sacrifice, otherwise it would have all been for naught. “Live while losing things”

Kaneki chose to go fight in order to aid/protect everyone because he was tired of not being able to do anything anymore. As a result, it led to his subsequent “death” and tragedy (with the exception of buying time for Irima and Koma v Arima)

In fact he ponders what if he had chosen to stay away and gone with Touka and Yomo. Perhaps he'd have been able to work with them in the new cafe?

Perhaps if Touka and Yomo went to fight with Kaneki they'd make a difference? Perhaps if Kaneki didn't go all alone in 143 of :re the situation may have played out differently in contrast to how Furuta exposed him?

The answer is yes, no, maybe, maybe not. No one knows, and it's easy to continuously contemplate every single possibility and theoretical outcome. All that matters is how they have to make those tough choices and live with them, no matter the cost.

Also the fact that we only rarely see her true vulnerable, insecure and visible emotions other then when she's like... angry or something is another trait I find very interesting. Because when we do, it’s impactful and hits home just how much she tends to internalize within herself. In other words, the front she puts on. Her always suppressing her emotions with that strong mental fortitude speaks volumes of the struggles she continuously undergoes internally and externally.

That emotional breakdown was just building bruh.

The fact that we don’t have to be told exactly what she’s thinking or how she’s feeling, but are rather shown how she’s trying to hold herself together even with her face either turned away from the reader or her turning her back in several panel illustrations denotes so many melancholic elements to be interpreted within the story.

Another side note- some are actually quite funny and aesthetically appealing to me. She just looks so tired/bored and like... done with everything with those half lidded eyes that convey so much (Idk I just relate heavy AF with that😂)

Hence always looking for those subtle details in her character that add so many layers. Ooo also the times when we get to see both her eyes (true feelings), that's super cool.

Relying on the strength of others is not weak in wanting to help protect them. I mean nothing is wrong at all in wanting to become stronger by yourself for the sake of others, but going completely solo and shouldering all those burdens with just one's own strength is completely detrimental to the highest degree.

In fact her fighting with that pregnant condition when she shouldn’t have and being able to fend for herself before said condition along with her Ukaku stamina issues, stress, lack of sleep and starving inevitably prohibited her full potential is in itself also inspiring. Like dude wtf she's out here fighting with all those disadvantaged restrictions that endanger her? That's badass. Being faced with the predicament of WHAT TO DO versus WHAT ONE CAN DO with limited means. And yet with all that, she still dug Kaneki from dragon by herself after fending off Mutsuki

and the dragon clones

with the timely aid of Urie, Saiko. Even Mutsuki, the one she fought prior and tried to reach out to peacefully given the dire situation and not their own personal differences.

Symbolically the wife of Kaneki, and children of Haise Sasaki came together to save him in that instance with the foreshadowing of the Qs and dragon.

Touka was key to the dragon arc in general. That was the point of the whole arc, further showing the fruits of her development as well, combining strength with others, both humans and ghouls. All elements needed each other to succeed. There’s a reason Hide went out to look for Touka in the ghoul camp.

Not to mention how crucially important these two are throughout the narrative in reference to the fool's journey namely the Magician (Hide) and the High Priestess (Touka) to the fool (Kaneki)

“The Magician and High Priestess are absolutely equal in importance and value. Each is necessary for balance” [x]

He himself was extremely vital in gathering all the different sides and information for the pieces to be in place such as Marude, Urie, Kimi with the CCG, recruiting Amon and Akira, and of course Touka with the ghouls.

Touka leading the ghouls there after being ignited by Shuus emotional fire speech

and all the assurance to combine their strength and efforts with the CCG was a true indication of that. Great stuff by all 3 Aces (Touka, Hide, Shuu) right there. [nice catch! @kanekikenunot]

Touka coming up with the ring idea was of extreme importance, in fact it was the very idea that kick started the whole operation in the first place!

Beforehand was her translating the underground ghoul dialect thanks to Ayatos adventure underground

in order to form the pieces necessary to ignite the operation by condensing the seemingly impossible search for Kaneki to being more focused and fortified to the point that they could track him down with Shuu and Mirimos influence with the metal detectors.

Worthy note is the perception she emits to Hide in always not being able to save Kaneki and him always saving her. We know she has saved him numerous times physically, emotionally, and mentally and the same with Kaneki to her, but it's important to note how she mentions “this time”.

It's like despite all the times they've saved each other with all those different aspects, something always caused them to get separated or to face more and more suffering painting all the times as somewhat futile. And this time, given the monster he's become, she means to truly save him at all costs no matter what.

And my god, chapter 160 is one of my favorites due to the parallel with 145 where Kaneki lost control becoming dragon with it having no dialogue whatsoever in favor of pure visual storytelling.

You could just feel the sheer immense strain, pressure, rampant despair and pain of Touka desperately trying to save her husband.

A Silent Scream is what I call these two chapters that I talked about before, wherein the omission of words paints the whole “a picture is worth a thousand words”.

Her breakdown was so emotionally resonate with how we hardly see her like that. Referencing back to the visuals without having to be shown lines of text or dialogue. Something as simple as her finding Kanekis hand grasping her parents ring (the bond that ties their own marriage together) in pressing forward like a centipede with Touka as his sole motivation and strength, is definitely something that destroys her in which you can just hear the horrifying scream she emits.

Because she's not just reminded of her impending failure with the current situation, but also the tragedy that befell her own parents, and the cycle of revenge she was a part of with Mado that aided in her ability to empathize with Akira and Amon. [good eye! @dreamofcentipedes]

It's these little tiny details that are always there, and while sure some may be a stretch in providing more depth/ over reaching, they remain considerations that add so much. For a moment she ponders if the tragic cycle is something they'll never be able to break free from, whether it's something that will always keep them trapped in the birdcage, unable to fly towards a clear blue sky, something she always looks towards in many panel illustrations. [x]

And yet despite it all she never gave up, her faith kept pushing her forwards to continue the mission. And she was able to succeed. Her efforts and choices were not in vain.

Yo... scope this little line here.. “Don't push yourself ok”

Touka… Dude… We don't deserve you honestly. Finna say that after all the fuckery you just went through in pushing yourself... smh

Still out here not resting waiting for your man's to wake up and be ok.

Top tier I swear...(PLS GET SOME SLEEP)

Which then shows another instance of that non verbal communication during her embrace with Kaneki. Within that one swift motion and the “thump” sound effect presumably of their hearts beating, she conveyed all she needed to without having to say anything.

Thank goodness she was finally able to rest by the end and chill with Saiko is best Saiko, because honestly… She needed that.

And although she had to continue waiting (god how long has she had to that ?) for her loved ones to return,

that fierce faith was fortunately rewarded with Ayato and Kaneki returning in the end.

Like I said, one of the many reasons I admire Toukas strength so much is that it strays away from the typical norm that would usually warrant a narrative tool in making one “weaker” via the ghoul-human journey just for the sake of it or for her to be “helpless”.

“Go, you are not just some onlooker, nor are you powerless. You just have other things to protect right?”-Yomo

And I just… really want to root for her to overcome all the odds that are placed in her and everyone else's paths in whatever way they can. “Strength in weakness, weakness in strength”

It’s not exactly an underdog story classification, but instead to me points out an interesting conflict between ones seemingly futile (at the time given the high failure rate) yet deepest desires/ wishes for some semblance of hopeful happiness in the world. And ones need to survive by any limited means often being forced to make hard to impossible choices accordingly so to protect and live with the few means available to them that they can achieve by themselves alone, and or with that of others.

Bruh… I could go on rambling forever and I'd still be missing several points😓 that many others have mentioned too. But essentially her undying love, selflessness, compassion, faith, and strength are qualities that have always stood out to me in their own right since the beginning until the very end. And in general it’s just truly satisfying that by the end all her suffering, waiting and perseverance paid off. Although it was never explicitly stated, many (including myself) speculate that she did open up another coffee shop by the end, which would be a really nice ribbon bow touch to that as well. 3rd times the charm?

She was finally to gain the normal life that she never thought possible with the combined efforts of both sides, the worlds that Kaneki found a place in. Being able to peacefully live with her family, husband, baby girl Ichika (with another boyo on the way) and loved ones.

Her wish for happiness was granted.

Personally Toukas character journey has truly been a pleasure to witness over over the course of the series, and it’s one that has forever put her in such a special place in my heart, compelling flaws and all😄

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