#they agree when it matters the most for sure

[inkstainedheartbeats]

Part two of this. There may be one more part.

Slight content warning for vague but there child abuse

———————————-

Eddie doesn’t chase after Steve. To say what he does after he sits there blinking as the love of his life, his mate in all but bite, races out of their home would imply some sort of romantic grace. Nothing in what he does is graceful. The Beta bounces off walls, trips over shoes and fights for an agonizingly long time with the door knob. It’s the most nerve wracking thing Eddie has ever done, including but not limited to giving the lich king himself the middle finger before bashing his skull in with the Upside Down version of his warlock. He doesn’t even stop to apologize to Mrs Kendrick, the sweetest neighbor Eddie has ever had, when he nearly flattens her in his mad dash.

He’s not sure if he’s relieved or terrified when he sees that Steve hasn’t left. That this frantic, terrible energy caught in his throat and gut won’t be released on the road. He slips into the passenger seat, whines low and mournful at the smell of sadness, of that broken snow globe smell that is thick as a hot box fog.

“Stevie, baby, sweetheart?”

Steve’s hands are still shaking. Brown eyes clenched closed. Eddie’s done this. Brought Steve to this point. He’s lucky Robin or Erica isn’t here. That Max and Eleven are clear across town. That Lucas and Will and Dustin are gods knows where enjoying the summer.

He reaches out, stops when Steve flinches away from him. Brings back his hand to his lap.

“I’m scared shitless, Stevie. Absolutely fucking terrified.”

Leather seats crinkle.

“That’s why I said what I did. And it’s not because of you. Well some of it is,” he’s trying not to ramble. Twisting his rings and talking. Wayne says that ooen communication is the key to any relationship. Eddie’s never been too good at that outside of sex.

“I had a shitty dad, and I know you had one too. I know you’re so goddamn confident that you can have those six nuggets and not become him. I know you know that loving your kid is unconditional. You do it for eight of them now.”

And it was eight. Because despite Holly managing to avoid the sheer terror that was Vecna round two she still fell into Steve’s orbit. Still wound up wrapping the gentle Alpha that is Steve around her finger. He loves his munchkins so goddamn much and they aren’t even his. It drives the traditionalist stereotypers up a wall and Eddie loves it. He loves how effortless Steve loves.

“But I’m not. He’s always in my head, Steve. When our pups do something, when Henderson says something. He’ll speak up. I think for a moment of the punishments that would have earned me. And I can see myself doing them. See myself turning on you when you try to stop me just like my mom.”

His mother was a mousy, sickly Beta woman that didn’t know what she was getting into marrying his angry Beta father.

“I don’t want to be him.”

Steve tentatively reaches out. Grabs one of Eddie’s hands.

“I’m not you know.”

“What?”

“Confident I won’t be like him. Like my dad. I’m terrified every time I look in the mirror that I’ll be like him. That I’ll be worse.”

He’s brought Eddie’s hand up to his face. He’s nuzzling it in a way that would make Frank Munson absolutely furious.

“I’m scared of so many things, Eds. But you turning out anything like your father isn’t one of them.”

Somehow, Eddie manages to coax Steve out of the car. To agree to calling in sick. It’s not fixed. Not yet. But they’re working on it and that’s what matters.

———————————-

Hoping this works

Tagging:

@xxbottlecapx

[k9emote]

My final response to every accusation made about me.

Hi. As basically, the entirety of emoteblr knows, I have had a lot of hatred, misinformation, and vague angry paragraphs thrown towards my community and me. Barely anyone has communicated what they're so mad about, but I'll try to stitch it all together from a few people who've spoken to me and answer the best I can. "You spread misinformation about number names! Not all number name trauma is RAMCOA!"

You're right! I misworded that because I hadn't known that RAMCOA wasn't the only source of number-name trauma. Because no one told me. I am a RAMCOA victim and have only heard of number-names related to RAMCOA. I didn't know other forms of abuse used number-names. I know that now thanks to a kind person who opened a ticket in my server, and I will edit my server rules accordingly. My opinion stays the same; people who haven't been abused/tortured etc with number names should not use them. I have met countless other victims who agree with me. You can call that an opinion of mine, sure! If you disagree, kindly block me. I am sorry to anyone I said "You can only use number names if you're a RAMCOA victim." to, I had meant that only people with number name trauma can use them to reclaim the name, I assumed RAMCOA was a broad enough term that it covered all types of number-name trauma, but I was mistaken. I'm sorry. That's all I will say on that matter.

"There was a misinformative carrd in your server that didn't explain RAMCOA correctly!" It's been spread that the carrd was mine! that is not true AT ALL. It was taken down a long time ago and replaced with a much better resource. I hadn't personally looked at the carrd because topics of RAMCOA often trigger me, my partner was the one to send the carrd. My partner had seen the carrd sent elsewhere and had no idea it had misinformation. It was used as a quick resource for someone to know what RAMCOA was, and as soon as a kind server member pointed out it wasn't a good resource literally minutes after it was posted, it was taken down and replaced. People make mistakes, and my partner fixed his almost immediately. If you are angry at that, then I'm sorry but you are REACHING for things to hate me for. "The guillotine (public ban) channel you have in your server encourages hate and death threats!"

I am deeply sorry to anyone who recieved any threats/hate/harassment from my public bans. I have always stated to never contact the people I ban , and it was listed in the channel description as well.

No one had EVER told me that they were receiving hate or threats after being banned, otherwise, I would've taken this channel down much sooner. I have yet to receive any proof of these claims or even speak to the victims themselves. I have only heard this passed around from outside people. When I have asked, I am refused evidence for the "sake of anonymity" which I respect but unfortunately cannot ban any individuals without user IDs or genuine reasons. The only thing I could do in response to this is take the channel down, which I have done.

On the topic of death threats, people have claimed that one of my mods was sending them... but refused to show any evidence or tell me who it was. I have spoken to my mods and all of them have said they would never, so I genuinely have no idea what to do. If anyone has further evidence, please contact me. Most of my mods don't even have an active account on tumblr.

A trend I am seeing with the people who are typing up long paragraphs on how I am toxic and immature are people I've banned for going against my boundaries, reposting hate towards me even after said hate was asked to be taken down by both me and the person I had wronged, and other vile behavior in my server. I have not been given descriptions or details on who feels wronged, so I can not apologize for any actions because I genuinely have no idea what I did. I have not come out to say anything not because I am hiding, but because I am lacking SO MUCH evidence or even witness testimony on what I've done wrong. I have no issue apologizing to people I might've hurt, but I cannot do so without a proper conversation with said people. The one person who offered to tell me things refused on multiple occasions to give me evidence, screenshots, direct conversations or any other sources of people explaining why they hate me. I was only given vague reasons and "maybes" To some individuals I know are spreading the hate about me; To Proxy. You were banned from my server because you were creating a story incredibly similar to RAMCOA experiences while not being a victim of any sort of torture yourself (which you stated.) You said you were allowed to have an OC with a number name because it was based off a media that did the same, and that it was a "lab rat character" and therefore didn't count. When I, a victim of the torture you were using for roleplay, tried to educate you on why it was still wrong no matter your intent, you threw a tantrum and refused to listen. You were clearly uneducated on all forms of numbername trauma and refused to understand when not only I, but multiple other victims were trying to explain why it was wrong. Your roleplay OC was more important to you than a victim asking you to stop. The way you spoke to me was vile, invalidating, belittling and triggering. I am not sorry for the anger I displayed when I was spoken to like my own abuser would speak to me. I had a right to be angry and I started off extrememly understanding and polite despite your actions. Your OC was also affiliated with Nazis and the holocaust, which is fucking disgusting. I don't care what comic/media/etc it's based off of. I don't care if it's fiction or if you don't intend to base it on real life matters. Fictionalizing things that are rooted from real trauma and genocides as someone who has not experienced either is a horrible thing to do. I hope you realize how sickening you've acted.

Proxies messages were accidentally deleted when we banned them, but heres a screenshot my partner took during the arguement. Oh and before I forget, Proxy claimed to be "proshipper neutral" because it was "just fiction." despite knowing what it entailed. They have since been educated, but I wanted to share that their opinion on "fiction does not equal reality" mind set is extremely harmful.

Their reasoning on why they thought it was fine! (both is proxy) ^ Proxy also sent something in my inbox that I responded to publicly, ignoring all that they had done and completely going against my DNI of them. You can see that on my blog. To Alexfroppy. You were banned because my mod pointed out to me that you had reposted a tumblr post promoting the hatred towards me and my community, between an issue I had with another creator who has since forgiven me. Both me and Lemon (the creator) asked the Original Poster to take it down. You still reposted, directly supporting something going against the boundaries of both creators involved. You say "well I also posted something against the threats." Great! That's the bare minimum and resposting something that got me threats in the first place completely contradicts and cancels out you discouraging it. We pulled you into a ticket and tried to politely explain what you did wrong, to which you replied carelessly and with an incredibly dry tone. It was clear to me you didn't care when you stated "I'm only here for the emojis" and never apologized. That is why you were banned.

This is the entire ticket conversation. They were not banned for "just liking and reblogging a post". They were banned for purposely reblogging something that went against both creators boundaries which inherently encourages threats and hate towards me no matter your intent. People say "Hey your guillotine/public ban channel is getting people threatened!" and I apologize and quickly take down the channel. I say "Hey your reblogs are getting me threatened" and I don't get an apology, nor did they take down the reblog and ended up joining the hate train and calling me immature and toxic for being terrified for my safety. To FleurDeMort / Pierce. I don't know if you're directly involved in any of this, but with how open you are about hating me and claiming I ban unfairly, I think It's safe to assume you are. You were originally banned for being involved in a drama that was making me break down and shut down as quickly as I could. I apologize for acting quickly out of fear, that is my fault, and I would've been more than happy to apologize to you directly just like I did the other person involved. However. I, after calming down, apologized for my passive agression and panicked actions a day or two afterwards. I unbanned the person I had directly spoke harmfully to, and apologized as did they. You typed out a message for the other person fighting me to send. It was filled with misinformation, was invalidating, ignored all my points in the debate, and was disrespectful.

If anyone wants more information on my view of this, I made a post here stating all the points that I made in this ticket that they completely ignored. You are an adult. You can be mad at me for being immature, but what does that make you? You , afterwards in anger, claimed that my ADULT MOD was "Jacking me off" for defending me.

That is fucking disgusting NO MATTER YOUR INTENT. I could give less of a fuck if that's an expression. I am an AMAB 16 year old and commenting that an adult who defended me was "jacking me off" at your grown ass age is fucking vile. There were a MILLION different expressions you could've used, but you chose that one. You have not apologized, you've only defended yourself in my friends servers and claimed that I am taking things out of proportion. Instead of apologizing and realizing that your angry statement was weird and sexual no matter your intent, you've chosen to defend yourself and throw a tantrum in partnered servers of mine about how you did no wrong.

Here's them opening a ticket in another server and defending themselves, so that people don't claim I'm not showing the full story. I acknowledge me and my mods didn't handle the situation correctly, I was dealing with a lot of stress and made bad decisions. That's my fault, and I am sorry. I have been forgiven by the person I hurt ( V ). They have forgiven me and are a happy active member in my server, and one of my main defenders. Here is all context provided to the "jacking k9 off" statement, just incase anyone wants to claim im not giving """Full context""" like Pierce has claimed.

This conversation wasn't even about me. They brought me up in a single sentence to say that my mod was "jacking me off" for not siding with them. I don't care what emotional state you were in, you're 19 saying that about an 18 and 16 year old. You should be ashamed. "It's an expression" does not give you an excuse to say that about a child just because you're angry. I am an AMAB 16 year old. Imagine if the roles were reversed and you were to say "They'er fingering k9!", you would get a lot more hate. My body as a male should be held to the same standard, expression or not. I make mistakes and apologize for them. You make mistakes and defend yourself. That is the line of difference.

Here's them being manipulative to V after V had forgiven me, and trying to excuse saying sexual things about a child because it was "taken out of context". Saying sexual things about an adult and minor is pedophilic. I know that's a heavy word. I mean it. Your intent doesn't matter. Think before you speak.

For my final message about this drama; The amount of hypocrisy in the accusations about me is hilariously pathetic. I am not here to defend myself, I am here to state the facts of what happened, to share my story with these banned members, and to state that still even after all the hate sent to me, I do not understand what I've done wrong besides ban people who have wronged me without remorse and make a few accidents in my communitcation. I have not ever used my age or mental state as an excuse for my actions. There is a huge difference between "I'm not sorry, It's not my fault, I'm a child and I'm mentally ill" And "I'm really sorry. I never meant to hurt anyone, I am still growing and not in a good place mentally. My actions have been influenced my by current mental health and I've made mistakes. I have apologized and will try my best to grow" which is my statement and what I've stated in the past. If anyone who I have wronged wants to DM me on tumblr or discord to explain their side of the story and be apologized to, I am completely open for that. I want nothing more than to fix my mistakes and make people happy. That has been my wish from the start. I never act on malicious intent, I've never encouraged threats towards those who have hurt me, and I will never do either of those things. I have over 1,000 members in my server who are constantly telling me how safe they feel in my community, how it's the only place they've actively spoken, how much they love my art and me, and I love them back. To all that have treated me like human and been unbiased in your view of the drama thrown at me, thank you. I love you all. You uplift my life and I couldn't possibly express my gratitude in words. I will continue making emojis for verbal accessability and I will continue to grow, be better, and mature in my responses to threatening or scary situations. You say I'm toxic for being confused and angry, for not reacting well to proofless accusations of my character as a person, of ignoring people who have no evidence or who wont even mention what I've directly done wrong. Yet you chase after my every mistake, you grab at my flaws that I work on every day to improve, and you use FORGIVEN ISSUES against me. This community is toxic because of people like you.

How hard was it for a single one of you to politely DM me and inform me on what I was doing wrong? How hard was it to maturely speak to me about what you think isn't okay? You call me immature yet you spread lies about me like a childrens game of telephone. I am sorry for anyone who I've hurt. I am not sorry for being human. Do not harass anyone I have mentioned in this. I do not condone hatred, even if they have encouraged it towards me. I am sorry if anyone takes what I've said as hostile. I am tired and angry of people demonizing me with little to no proof of what they claim. I am tired of sleepless nights wondering if someone is going to send me more threats or dox me. I am tired. /nav Thank you for reading.

[for-ships-that-never-sail]

Okay Y'ALL I saw Episode 5 today and these are the thoughts I jotted down while watching it (PART 2 OF 2)

Please don’t read below the cut if you are avoiding spoilers until you get to watch it yourself 

And FYI some of these may not have any context, but I guess it won’t matter cause you’ll have context in 7ish hours anyway (also sorry about how long all my thoughts and feelings are lol)

Awh Kate you’re so pretty - kinda weird to see her so chill though - she was so stressed all of season 2 that seeing her so serene is throwing me off tbh - I am so happy for you though my love

Also her outfit that looks like a sari is soooo gorgeous I WANTTTT

Love the cinnamon biscuits vs fruit jellies bit

Portia ma'am please listen to Varley FFS

lol I hope they did in fact fuck again like she wanted

Ugly crying at MY MESSSSSS

PARIS? oufff I love how comfortable she is, just casual teasing chit chats with bestie

“Undefended”? Charlotte needs a different hobby pleaseeee

LOLLLLL when did Penelope learn to do her hair and makeup by herself???? Cause there’s no fucking way she would’ve looked THAT fucking good after alllll of that lol

We were going to be KNIGHTS!! OMG sweet babiessss

“as much as I do” I can’t even blame anyone for anything they’ve done or said so far tbh 

This is such nuanced writing — I understand exactly where pretty much everyone is coming from and that’s really nice tbh 

Omg they really do want Cressida to marry a dinosaur 

WTF Cressida you do you girl fuck shit up for Penelope I don’t even care do whatever you have to do and go all out and save yourself cause no one else will I’m so sorry you were ever put in this position  

We have been acting uncouth AS OF LATE??? as of late????!? Omggg Portia girl pleaseeeee you had ONE job and you’re just gonna pass the buck to your daughters instead? STAHP own up to your shit cause you knowwww they bully her because youuu bullied her and the gall to say this is just happening LATELY on top lmao 

Though like in her eyes I always do see remorse too - I think she just lacks courage to ever really own up to everything in full because she’s just so guarded 

Honestly this is such stellar acting 

And also like, Penelope, most of you is your mom my girl - your brains, your overthinking, your inability to just say Yuh I done fucked up my bad lol 

Greg’s hat

Yesssss lord Kent find you some Bridgerton besties 

I actually do love Portia - yeah she’s been a colossal dick of a mom to Pen but as complex women go, I get her - If she makes amends with Pen for them daily microaggressions and general abuse one day, for real for real, she’d be really great 

Omg Mama B and Lady D are such big shippers - wish they didn’t fully cut out the Lady D stuff from the books though le sigh 

Eloise has a point - I agree - she had lotsss of alone time to say it - I understand Pens fear completely, but she must realize that her saying this is still soooo much better than him having to find out on his own - and there is no way he wouldn't - and he’d be more hurt by that part than the actual LW part I think and honestly Eloise is right about her being involved in that painful deception too, I wouldn’t want my own brother to feel betrayed by me like that either, given how often he wished LW ill out loud - and the longer Pen stays quiet the more guilty Eloise becomes as a sister too - If anything her not immediately snitching makes her moreee team Pen than team Colin - this is still a lowkey loyalty to Pen for sure - I think I may have issued this same ultimatum under these conditions too

Omggg JOHNNNNNN stop he’s having a panic attack why did Fran put him on the spot like thissss????

“As you rightly mocked me last season” lolllll

Awh Colin and the toast 

Eloise should nottttt have done her second toast - now THAT part was uncalled for, but I guess they want to keep the stress levels high 

Lmao Kate to the rescue 

I loveeeee how close they are sitting in public - but like… does nooooo one else see this??? Hips glued together? Hands holding??? Just out in the open?? No one thinks this is insanely intimate for a newly engaged couple of the ton??? Even if it’s a love match? None of the older women are clocking this and saying 1. Sit the fuck apart 2. Did yall fuck already cause yall look like you fucked and we don’t even have a wedding date set yet??? Are you not going to even ask for a special license?? You just want her to pop a baby before she technically should and cause more drama?? Like who is in charge of all these fools?? Mama B what is you doing??? Do you not think Colin is being a nasty girl with his wife-to-be?? lol

Lol Anthony I love you, you competitive lil bitch 

Lmaooooo Eloise and Penelope being the smartest bitches of the ton YESSSS

Portia trying to show where Pen's brain comes from lol

Muddy boots panic again 

LMFAOOOOOOO Mama B your face is going a mile a minute right now listening to the muddy boots

"I saw straight away" OH MY FROHN you will end me one day

Pen get your shit together pls grab a brown paper bag or smthn 

Oooohhhhh fuck I get itttttt

Cressida girl my bad I get ittttttt sooooo much more - I didn’t fully understand her thought process behind what we already knew she was gonna do until just nowwww - they really set it up for her well - girl needed an exit and everyone fully offered her one - I have no issues with this at all tbh 

Omg omg this is the most chaotic midnight strike of all time like 6 different things happened at the same time???? 

Well that was some good old fashioned Bridgerton CHAOS Hope y'all enjoyed it too!!!! LESS THAN 8 HOURS TO GOOOOOOOOOO

[sirianasims]

Chapter 43.6

My mother taught me that sometimes it rains. Sometimes it pours, and you’re soaked through and miserable and it feels like it may never stop. But no matter how heavily the rain falls, no matter how drenched you get, you are not the rain.

Some day you will be dry again.

Things have been easier since I blocked Paul, the pain slowly fading to a dull ache, barely noticeable as long as I don’t dig too deep. I try to keep myself distracted, reading Lucky Girl for what must be the fifth time. It’s my comfort read, Evie reminds me a little of myself. I think we could have been friends, hanging out and agreeing that being in love is the absolute worst, actually, while we yearn for our respective idiots.

The memory of Paul is not the only thing I’m trying to escape. With all my channels inactive, even the haters have gone quiet and my views are dropping every week. I’ve toyed with the idea of simply abandoning everything and starting a new brand, but I don’t want to rebuild my follower count from scratch. I don’t have time for it. My bills are starting to pile up, and while I can still pay them for now, it won’t be long before I have to either crawl back to mom and dad and ask for help, or get one of those real jobs people keep talking about. I’m not even sure which option I would hate the most, so I hide in my book for now.

A sharp knock on the door jerks me away from Evie admiring Jude in an art gallery and back to reality.

I hesitate for a moment. I have no idea who it could be, and I don’t want to see anyone, especially not some smarmy salesperson – or worse, my landlord. With a sigh, I put my book face down on the armrest and shuffle to the door.

Miranda is leaning casually against the doorway, her high heels making her look almost as tall as Samara. At their feet, a couple of large shopping bags are threatening to fall over and spill their contents on my doormat.

“See, Samara? I told you she was still alive.”

“So you did. Then I sure hope she has a very good excuse for refusing to see her best friends for almost two months!“

I feel my cheeks get hot. “Uh, hi. I’m sorry I disappeared, I’ve just had a rough time since, you know. But I promise to call you, maybe we can make plans soon?”

“No need, we’re here now, so you won’t have to worry about that.” Samara’s smile is cheerful, but her tone is resolute. Even so, I try to object.

“Seriously, it’s not a good time, I haven’t even showered for like three days, and the place is a mess.”

“Girl, since when do we care about mess? We’re here because we love you – stinky or not.” She wrinkles her nose, making the freckles on her face dance.

“What is this, some sort of intervention?”

Miranda smirks. “Pretty much. Sorry, but someone’s gotta save you from yourself, and we’re not letting you waste any more time moping over a man who didn’t deserve you. We’ve got snacks and a box of rosé with your name on it, so you might as well get out of the way.”

“Fiiine, but no judging the absolute state of the place.” I roll my eyes and invite them in with a dramatic flourish of my arm, but I can’t help but smile. Samara bounces through the door despite the heavy shopping bags, and Miranda goes straight for my laptop.

“What’s your login?”

“It’s just my birthday, and before you come for me, yes, I know that’s bad.”

Miranda shakes her head as the laptop plays a jaunty tune and lets her in.

“You’ll get the full security lecture another day, right now it’s time to declare inbox bankruptcy. We’re getting rid of all this bullshit so you can get back to business.”

“Miranda, there are literally thousands of messages. It’ll take days to go through, maybe weeks.”

She doesn’t even look up, her perfectly manicured fingers a blur over the keyboard.

“Give me an hour. I’m going to delete anything that contains profanity, and then I’ll sort the rest into folders, so don’t worry, you won’t be losing anything permanently. But I’m going to mark everything as read and archive it so you can get a fresh start. If anyone wants something important from you, they’ll reach out again, trust me.”

I stop myself from protesting further. Miranda knows what she’s doing, and it really would be a relief not to worry about everything.

Behind me, Samara has stopped unpacking the groceries.

“Just let Miranda work her magic and get your smelly butt into a bath. And make it a nice one, soak for a bit and pretend you’re a mermaid or something. We’ll get everything set up in here while you scrub off the sadness.”

I feel a slight pang of embarrassment as I walk into the bathroom. The sunlight is creating little islands of warmth on the black tiles, but it also mercilessly illuminates the limescale in the shower and a couple of cotton swabs that missed the bin. The sink is decorated with a few dried clumps of toothpaste, each of them outlined in red from last time I dyed my hair.

How did I let it get this bad?

I turn on the taps and leave them running while I undress. Then, I lower myself awkwardly into the tub and let the water cascade through my fingers. It would be nice if it was this easy, washing away the sadness and frustration, the longing and the hurt.

The gentle sound of flowing water is mesmerising, and before I know it, the tub is full. I add a small handful of bath salts and swirl it around. A soothing scent of lavender rises with the steam.

When I lie down, the hot water envelops me like a hug. It feels like it’s thawing something in me that I didn’t even know was frozen. I close my eyes and listen to Samara and Miranda laughing about something. It’s almost like being home and hearing my parents talk softly in the other room. It always made me feel safe. Less alone.

As the water begins to cool, I scrub down, slowly, methodically, running soapy hands along every inch of my body. It feels good, like I’m massaging life back into my limbs. Tonight will be fun, I decide. We’re going to stuff our faces with junk food, get absolutely smashed on cheap wine, and pretend that my heart was never broken by some has-been actor from Tartosa.

I watch as the tub empties, imagining that all my sadness is flowing down the drain with the water and the tiny undissolved purple specks from the bath salt. Finally, I move to the shower to wash my hair and rinse off.

When I get out, I stop and examine myself in the mirror. I look a little tired and worn, like I’ve been sick. In a way, I guess I have. But the black tiles are radiating warmth under my feet and there are birds singing outside my window and I’m beginning to feel like everything is going to be fine.

Samara’s blue face glitters in the candlelight. The packaging from the masks we’ve applied is littered with adjectives like “rejuvenating” and “revitalising”, bold statements, but they do actually feel pretty good.

“Sorry, Julia, I know you love this crap, but I just can’t get over the cake tongue. Who decided cake would be the best bait for people? Are we really that obsessed with desserts?”

I look over my nails one last time and put down the file. “I’m actually more disturbed by the whole chin udder situation. I mean, who came up with that?”

Samara makes a disgusted face, but she’s not ready to change the subject. “Seriously though, even if you were absolutely starving and cake was your favourite thing in the whole world, would you really approach a plant shaped like a giant cow head with huge teeth? Really? And then try to grab what is obviously its tongue?”

Miranda giggles tipsily. “No, but can we talk about how Ned’s relationship with the cow plant is super toxic, though? I mean, it always starts out slow, right? Oh, so it eats meat, little bit of a red flag there, but it’s probably fine. And before you know it, you find yourself luring your neighbours to their deaths just to keep it happy.”

“Yeah, it’s classic, the way he keeps making excuses for her? She didn’t mean it, she’s just misunderstood! She only bites me because she loves me! I’m like, Ned, your girlfriend is eating people, you need professional help.”

Samara laughs. “I guess some men would literally rather feed their neighbours to a plant than go to therapy.”

My phone vibrates on the armrest behind me.

“Sorry, it’s Marten again, I better let him know I’ve got company. He’s been super busy with his exams so we haven’t had much time to play lately.”

Miranda raises an eyebrow.

“And he’s still fine just being your friend, is he?”

“Why wouldn’t he be? I mean, he was fine being my friend even though I was dating Paul. Besides, I haven’t even seen him in person since GeekCon, it’s been almost a year…”

I stop. Almost a year since I met Paul. It feels like a lifetime ago. I wonder what would have happened if I’d cosplayed as someone else, or if Paul hadn’t been there that day. Maybe I could have been dating Marten instead of having my heart trampled by some fickle celebrity. Nice, normal Marten with his mousy hair and his robot facts. I smile.

“Anyway, there’s nothing between me and Marten. Or anyone else, for that matter.”

Miranda sends me a mischievous grin. “That reminds me, you know that hot bartender from The Rooftop? Super flirty, cheekbones that could cut glass?”

“The one who gave us free refills on Samara’s birthday? Shane or something?”

“Yeah, him! He asked about you last time, wondered why you hadn’t come with us for like three weeks in a row.”

“How does he even know my name?”

“He didn’t, he just asked about our red-haired friend but you’ve clearly made an impression.” Miranda winks. “Maybe he’d be willing to help you get over Paul.”

I shake my head. “No thanks, I’m pretty sure he’s slept with like half the regulars. And I’m not looking for hook-ups, not now. I need to get my so-called career back on track, but I want to do something… different.”

I think of Paul, of late nights in hotel rooms, laughing at the most ridiculous b-movies before having amazing sex and falling asleep with his arms around me. “I don’t want to do cosplay again, absolutely nothing with movies or comics or superheroes.”

Miranda looks thoughtful. “What about just fashion stuff? I started out with just my shoe reviews and now it’s more general style advice and outfits to match your heels, but you have an eye for it and you know a lot about cuts and materials and design.”

“I guess? I don’t really know a lot about classic fashion, though, like couture and such. And it’s a really tough business to get into, plus I’d kinda like to keep the expenses down for now.”

“You could always just jump on one of the big trends. I bet you’d make bank as one of those clean girl aesthetic influencers or something.”

“That’s actually a good idea. I mean, I can probably get pretty far with just the makeup and clothes I already have. And I could move my sewing machine and rearrange the room, set up my camera and the lights…”

Miranda laughs. “We can start right now as long as it means we don’t have to watch any more terrible movies tonight.”

I reach for the remote. “Not a chance.”

beginning / previous / next

[dangermousie]

The dynamic between Jiang Li and her husband continues to be FASCINATING to me and honestly, while man needs both serious jail time and serious therapy, he is the most interesting character in the drama to me. He saved her during the examination (it hinged solely on him whether she lost and had to go to the nunnery or won and stayed) but here this all comes to a boil point blank. Princess Wanning brings the charge of her actually being Xue Fangfei and when her other witness implodes, decides to use Shen Yurong to prove her identity.

(Side note: loving that she managed to put in a dig about him loving her even in the middle of this! She's unhinged as fuck, is this really the time for one of her games?)

The problem is if you push someone enough they will break or hit back and honestly, Shen Yurong is at the stage where he's reached both. Maybe if she did this right after she made him kill his wife, he'd be in such terror etc he'd agree with anything she said and did. But he's been living haunted by what he did and wandering his mansion clutching his hair for months; he's dug up the grave like a mad person, and she's abused and humiliated and ground him down non stop since then (and at one point almost killed him), basically smacking down any time he tried to show any will or idealism and messing with even his career. He's just burned out. And if she can't control him by terror, she can't control him (he may feel some lust for her, who knows, but certainly not enough to derail his sanity or overcome his issues.) This man is a ghost and ghosts are not really controllable.

I love the intercut of him walking towards her in court as to how he walked when he tried to kill her because that is what he is flashbacking to and picturing in his head.

This is a dead man.

I am genuinely unsure as to whether he believes this is his wife who survived and is protecting her (because he didn't want to kill her and doing so thrust him into hell so he's trying to make amends/dealing with regrets/trying to appease his demons) or he's so utterly broken he believes his wife is dead no matter what he sees (because he needs to, to maintain some sanity) and so his denial sticks to that an also is making some sort of protection to his wife's doppelganger in her honor. I don't think even he is 100% sure because he's not 100% sane any longer. But I love it.

Love Li's face as princess loses her marbles in the background. For the rest of her revenge, it's very clear cut for Jiang Li - they are all monsters and for most of them she has no feeling and never had (the Jiangs, the princess, the new magistrate etc.) But the thing with the husband is so complex - she hates him but she loved him, he married her and killed her, he killed her under duress and is living in hell but HE KILLED HER and it's all such a mess. Whether she ultimately kills him or not, this is the target who haunts her the most.

This is amazing. He's found the courage of despair and a spine because being spineless made it all worse. Once again, he's got nothing to lose so what can you threaten him with? (By making his life so bleak, she's taken away a lot of his fear of death.)

OMG, he SNAPS!!! My jaw dropped open.

She's really lost it. It shows what a loose cannon she is btw. Even if Shen Yurong was saner and more terrified of her, at least coordinate with him earlier, psycho! Even a fully rational man with zero pangs of conscience and genuine fondness for you (we are 0 for 3 here with SYR btw) might decide admitting this is his wife would lead to big issues for him and not bother.

I am beginning to heavily bet he murders her. He was fail at first murder (seriously, there is no sufficiently describing the fail - he hit his wife with a shovel and she didn't even get a concussion; he buried her so shallowly and in such loose soil she was able to climb out with arms tied and without any martial skills) but practice makes perfect.

[souryogurt64]

I’m not sure if/to what extent you’ve already posted about this so sorry if this is old news but what’s your ryden take?? I would’ve died on the hill that there was genuinely something going on between them when i was in middle and high school but looking back i am so conflicted. You have the most nuanced and researched opinions out of everyone i follow on here so i’d love to hear your thoughts on the matter

RYDEN WAS NOT REAL: COUNTER MANIFESTO

Yeah, so if you go through the primers, there is not a lot of evidence that Brendon and Ryan were gay dating. I think it is mostly pieces of extraneous drama that is strung together with irrelevant info into this kind of nonsense theory.

The first part of the Ryden Manifesto is so random and disjointed I am not even going to address it. It involves a journal entry about how emotional it is to perform in front of "you" that is very clearly directed at the audience, not Brendon. It also involves Ryan saying Pete is like sexy or whatever which like. I won't even start.

When it starts to become cohesive, it starts by talking about Brendon's ex girlfriend going around telling people Brendon wanted to have "butt sex" with her so this means he is bisexual. I completely believe Brendon wanted to have anal sex with this girl, but this is not gay and she is clearly just saying this because she is mad they broke up.

Then, it mainly focuses on Brendon losing his virginity after skinny dipping, and because Ryan was there it means they must have fucked each other. This constantly comes back throughout every single Ryden post/theory. Except this means nothing because everyone agrees multiple dancers and The Hush Sound were also there in a total of TWENTY people. Brendon probably had sex with one of the dancers.

The next part is all the stage gay and Brendon holding Ryan’s hand in an interview. This means literally nothing and is not inherently gay. The stage gay is just nonsense.

The third part is this gender neutral journal entry that was posted on an account belonging to Brendon’s dog that is supposedly about Ryan and Brendon. Brendon owned this dog with another guy. A guy he lived with, shared banking information with, and posted a photo of him holding hands with, a photo of them in boxers the shower together leaked, et cetera. Like IF the poem is gay, which I don't think it is, I don’t think Ryan would be my first guess.

The next part is about the lyrics of Pretty Odd. This is mostly nonsense about connecting words like “summer” and “sea,” to the skinny dipping story and the gender neutral romantic poem, as if these are not extremely common words.

However, this continues to be so pervasive because it is objective fact that much of Pretty Odd is built around an explicitly queer prose poem about a relationship between two gay French poets. However, this does not mean that Brendon and Ryan were gay TOGETHER. I actually believe Ryan related to this story so intensely because of him and Pete. And I don’t necessarily think Pete and Ryan were gay dating either. 

Then, it gets into a bunch of videos/images from interviews that supposedly prove they are gay dating. Most of these are gone or largely inconsequential jokes (such as Brendon calling Ryan a "golden god," which is a quote from a scene in Almost Famous where a band member jumps into a swimming pool while tripping on acid), but a few of the ones that are left are extremely interesting for different reasons. 

For example, there is the Rolling Stone interview where Brendon won’t stop touching Ryan’s neck and Ryan clearly does not want Brendon to touch him. 

Right before this happens, Ryan makes a comment about how he refuses to play Guitar Hero now, and Jon states that he and Ryan “boycott” the game. Brendon snaps back, “Oh, that's weird, because we covered one on Guitar Hero, liar” then says he's kidding and starts rubbing Ryan’s neck and Ryan ignores him. This isn’t proof they are gay. However, it DOES indicate what was going on in the band behind the scenes—Ryan was repulsed by their corporate success and did not want to be doing things like partnerships with Guitar Hero, and Brendon very much wanted to be commercially successful and to go in this direction. Spencer, who is by far the most honest person in Panic, even states as this is happening that the Guitar Hero thing is a “sensitive subject” in the band and Jon adds that "There have been problems," and then Spencer starts redirecting the conversation. It's difficult to hear all of this at first because everyone is talking over each other.

Another “gay proof” video in the primer is the one where Brendon and Ryan are both wasted on MTV and Ryan is very intensely staring at Brendon while he repeats a story about Pete being “a douchebag.” Ryan is not staring at Brendon so intensely because they are gay lovers, it’s because Ryan desperately wants validation from Brendon that Pete is a douchebag and that it is OK for him to be saying this on live TV, and Brendon is pointedly ignoring what he is saying and refusing to validate this. 

At this point in the timeline, Pete was kind of siding with Brendon and Spencer over the band, while Ryan and Jon seemed to be openly alluding to conflict with Pete in interviews. I go into this extensively in my essay.

Then it goes into how Ryan was staying on an air mattress at Brendon's place, and immediately after this Ryan and Keltie broke up and the band got really strained.

Ryan cheated on Keltie with a waitress and multiple other women, and she found out on Valentine's Day. Brendon and Sarah had recently begun dating. I personally feel like now that Brendon was in a serious relationship with his future wife, he started to view Ryan having affairs behind the back of a woman he was moving in with as being not so cool anymore, and this increased tensions in the band that were primarily driven by fighting over who was the frontman/leader and their sonic direction. Ryan also moved in with Jon, which increased the divide in the band as I believe Jon was encouraging a lot of Ryan's conflict with Pete and Ryan's disdain for "emo" from the minute he joined Panic. I go into all of this in my essay.

I'm also not clear on why Ryan was staying with Spencer and Brendon but in the first place. But as a note, Ryan was extremely irresponsible and unable to manage his life due to his drug/mental issues and Keltie was managing all of it. He also was doing things like showering at Spencer's house because his utilities would get shut off since Ryan was not paying them. I kind of get the vibe he may have overstayed his welcome.

THE NEXT PART OF THIS is all about how the band said over and over the split was supposedly amicable except in these two random interviews, one of which was a video that had gone mysteriously missing. Both of these were with James, who was a reporter and one of Pete's "BFFs". He and Pete were filming a TV show and supposedly staying together on the weekends for months leading up to the Panic breakup, and were probably also writing Pete's 250 page book about his ex girlfriend during the split and Vices era.

This is probably why these interviews, and all of the split coverage done by him, is so in depth and so different than what they were telling everyone else. He probably knew what was going on from Pete already.

Then it gets into how New Perspective is about like the skinny dipping Ryden virginity loss thing. Which is just kind of ridiculous. This lyric is about someone getting cum on their face anyway, which could be way gayer than the skinny dipping story.

Aagh. Anyway that's the end of it.

THE CAPE TOWN ONE

The Cape Town thing is like. 1) Everyone has said repeatedly that Ryan hooked up with some girl there .

2) The band did decide before leaving that Cape Town was going to be the last shows they played together which is why this was all so sad and dramatic.

Ryan said this directly in 2019, but there are also a few phone conversations between James, Ryan, and Spencer from 2009 that are on MTV's website that you can deduce this from.

Then the Cape Town theory goes into this quote about how "The Calendar" is about an "intimate relationship."

This article was also written by James. When I was writing my essay, I noticed that he sometimes would just say things himself and then pretend Ryan or whoever said it if they agreed, even sarcastically. I personally feel there is a good chance that Brendon never said this of his own accord and instead it was an invention. Especially because The Calendar is a song Pete has writing credits on. Honestly, the fact that so much bandom drama was puppeteered by the guy simultaneously writing a 250 page book about Pete Wentz's ex girlfriend is like a more salacious bandom lore payoff than Ryden proof could ever be, but whatever.

Anyway, then it goes into how Ryan kept saying Panic ending was like breaking up with his girlfriend and therefore Brendon must've been his girlfriend because they were secret gay dating.

Ryan did say this, however, it is missing the context of how Ryan is likely alluding to the fact that Lie To The Truth is, imo, pretty transparently about Panic. This is not just my interpretation, but is also backed up by the line in the song about playing the fool and Ryan introducing himself as "the fool" of the band.

Anyway that's basically the end of the Cape Town theory

There's also the Seattle thing but like .

I don't really think the Seattle thing matters. Regardless of whether or not it is true that Brendon flew out for Ryan's 21st birthday, which seems to be under doubt, this does not mean that they were gay dating. It just means a celebrity took a plane to attend their bandmate's party, which means nothing lmao.

The idea that Northern Downpour is about this because Seattle is east of wherever Brendon was and therefore the song is about them being gay lovers is like so ridiculous I'm not even going to entertain it, I do think the song is probably like sentimental since Brendon cried performing it or whatever but like WHAT does that have to do with this photo

[istadris]

On the Koopalings and Bowser

I never know on which foot dance when it comes to Bowser's relationship with the Koopalings.

On one hand, yes, Bowser being a tired dad to 8 kids with most of them being adopted is cute (and a nightmare for me to handle in fics), and I respect and appreciate fanworks including that. I also understand that Nintendo retconned the familial bond and most Mario fans are used to the Koopalings being considered Bowser's family.

On the other hand, I didn't grow up with material where they are Bowser's kids, most of my exposition to them were games where they're his lieutenants, with Junior as Bowser's only son.

It so happens that I love complex relationships; found families that are difficult to define and don't fall neatly under the usual family labels; ambivalent feelings about a parental figure who clearly isn't your official parent.

With that said, hear me out on how I see the Koopa royal family dynamics :

Koopas can reproduce either with a partner or through parthenogenesis, birthing on their own a near clone of themselves (although if you ever call a Koopa kid born this way a clone in front of their parents, they're likely to beat the shit out of you and everyone in the vicinity will agree the reaction is justified, if a bit overemotional). Because laying an egg and providing for a baby all by yourself is very demanding, Koopas reproducing through this method go into a very intense nesting/brooding mode, basically turning off every function that isn't "take care of youngling" and becoming very aggressive.

When Bowser decided to have Junior (and morphed into a very broody Giga Bowser), everyone in the castle stayed clear from him...which facilitated sneaking into the castle for a bunch of half-feral orphaned Koopalings scrapping by to survive and hoping to nab enough food and money to live another day. Thankfully for them, when Bowser came across them, instead of registering them as "threat" (and eating them alive), due to how young and malnourished most of them were, his brain went "hungry baby. Must feed baby" before he dragged them back to his nest. When Bowser turned back to normal, he basically went through his day as normal, except now "normal" includes a bunch of kids.

Main reasons for this attitude :

He's Very Bad at talking about his emotions beyond "I HATE MARIO"

As far as he's concerned, the Koopalings are his kids now too. Even if he doesn't mention. If they're okay with it or course. If anyone else has an issue with it, he'll deal with them, and if they don't like it, they'll bring it up, but otherwise why make a fuss?

Kamek is the one doing the paperwork, so he's waiting for a sort of green light to put them down as his kids or something.

Kamek has been diligently dodging the question of adding 7 kids to the royal line of succession for several years now.

So for a while at the beginning, the Koopalings ended up in a weird limbo state where their status within the Koopa Troop was unclear. Ludwig, worrying the wind might turn someday, encouraged the oldest (and later the youngest) to make themselves useful. Which led Bowser and his officers and mages to give the Koopalings more stuff to do, and through the years, they gradually went up the ranks and became Bowser's Terrors and main lieutenants. Still, neatly calling Bowser "Dad" is a tad more complex than their actual feelings on the matter.

By the time Junior is 10, the dynamics go like this :

Ludwig (in his early-mid twenties) has always minded the Koopalings and is very protective of them. He's also deeply devoted to Bowser, who got them out of the gutter and gave them a chance. He's extremely informal towards Bowser and would never dare calling him Dad or even Father : it's "Lord Bowser", "Sir" or "His Majesty", and he would die for him (although not without making sure his death has an efficient, long-lasting impact useful for the kingdom). Even Bowser thinks he needs to chill.

Roy (very early twenties) is one of the only ones who remember having a dad, and it wasn't a fun experience. Still, he remembers what it was like, and Bowser being actually a decent father figure messes a lot with Roy's daddy issues. He wants to hate Bowser, especially once he's in his teens, because that's what being a cool guy is for, but even he can admit Bowser is badass. Still, most of the times, it's easier for Roy to call Bowser "Boss" and treat him as such, respect and all.

Wendy (around 16) is more than fine being Bowser's Most Specialest Daddy's Girl. She was born for this. She doesn't remember a lot from the pre Bowser life but she does keep in memory being insanely jealous of pretty girls with fancy toys, and never truly got over it. She noticed Bowser hardly refuses her anything when she calls him "Daddy", so of course that's what she uses...except when she's on the job and has to be taken seriously, in that case she falls back on "Lord Bowser"

Morton (??? either close to Wendy's age or one of the youngest, I can't decide) had no previous model for what having a dad is like. He's following the other's lead on it, but Junior calls Bowser "Dad" and Ludwig calls him "Lord Bowser" and the twins call him "King Dad" and it's Confusing. So it's Big Bowser and Little Bowser. All he knows is that he loves them both very much and the mere notion of losing them is enough to make him stress out.

Iggy (around 14) doesn't need a dad, he needs supervision to avoid blowing something up. He just loves being Bowser's "kid", whatever that entails, because he gets to mess with a LOT of people. He resorts to "King Dad", but mostly because Lemmy does it, and easily switches between "Boss", "Sir", "Daddy" and "BBB" (Big Bod Bowser. Who spent several days recovering from it the first time Iggy used it).

Lemmy (around 14, same as Iggy) is here to partaaaay. He doesn't remember anything of their life before Bowser, so for him, there's always been their big lug of a "King Dad" who needs them to bail him out of messes. He's close to Junior (due to being one of the youngest) and even if he does know Junior has a different status from him, it never bothered him and he never got trouble from pranking him.

Larry (around 14, can't decide if he's younger or older than Iggy and Lemmy) has also always known Bowser, but he's a bit more self-conscious about the situation of being sort of adopted but not officially? Usually he sticks to "King Bowser", so when he slips and calls Bowser "Dad", he usually feels pretty embarrassed, even if no one bats an eye.. He was actually a bit jealous of Junior as a kid for "stealing" Bowser's attention, but he's gotten better.

[birdmitosis]

Voice of the Cold for the ask game, i hope I got here first D:

OMG, you did! :D And I am so happy to answer about Cold.

First impression

Pretty sure my first impression was of him in the Spectre route, and I was curious, a bit positively inclined, mostly on the strengths of how well he fit how we got him and also how hot his voice was. 😔 Yeah, I'll admit it. I looked forward to seeing more from him and was intrigued by the seeming discrepancy between his "emotionless" claims and his blatant grudge against the Narrator.

Impression now

I LOVE COLD SO MUCH. Ohhh, he is as much of a trauma response as the rest of them and is both driven to keep himself safe and also experience something new (which is itself not safe) and also not care about safety... He is dismissive and deeply caring and he can't stand stagnancy and yet he feels at home when everything unravels into the Long Quiet. One of my Top 3 faves I think.

Favorite moment

There are a lot of moments I could choose here but I think I still have to give it to my bias: Cold in the Wraith chapter alongside Paranoid. Especially this sequence:

This has lived rent-free in my head since I first saw it, it just hits me so hard in a "none of them are fully wrong but none are fully right either" way and says so much about Cold in the context of other things... Especially the absolutely wild "If you can tolerate joy, you can tolerate pain" line, like UM EXCUSE ME?

(But the whole chapter is great, with Cheated as well as with Paranoid, but I have a bias for so many moments with the Paranoid version, like the "you think you are brave" line from Wraith and the fact that Cold must have helped with the efforts to toss the body into the void... Wraith is a severely underrated chapter, I feel!)

Idea for a story

Look, because of the way I fandom, all my ideas are for shipfic and ParaCold is 1000% my OTP, soooo...

That said, a specific idea I've actually had that I still kinda want to use with something, that I may have mentioned before, is Hunted making a point that they need each other (as a group) and at their best they cover each others' blind spots and shore up each others' weak points.

When Cold pulls something along the lines of his "I'm special" thing, Hunted ends up challenging him to a "play" fight (no actual wounds being left, "wounds" marked with something like chalk or berry juice or something, fake blade, etc.). And by the time Cold calls that he's "killed" Hunted (and so obviously he's right that he doesn't need help/he has no weak spots that actually matter), Hunted can point out that he's managed to land enough "minor" blows that Cold would be bleeding out by now too, because he doesn't guard himself at all.

(I also kinda want to look more into a super queer TTRPG called Moonlight on Roseville Beach because I wanna play around a bit with an AU for it where the six possible player character "origin stories" are filled by Hero, Contrarian, Cold, Paranoid, the Princess, and the Narrator... "[In] Moonlight on Roseville Beach, it's the summer of 1979 and you work in the village by day while protecting yourself, your housemates, and your neighbors from supernatural monstrosities and occult horrors by night," and it's in a queernorm setting where LGBTQIA+ characters are considered the norm, with a "focus on queer people succeeding at keeping themselves and their communities safe (at least for a time).")

Unpopular opinion

TBH I also agree that Cold isn't all that edgy. I think he's quite straightforward most of the time and definitely has some issues -- I think he likes prodding at some of the other characters more than some people realize but also less than some people act like, he really does jump to "we could stab" very quickly as a response, he seems happy to encourage potential violence against himself if he finds it interesting in some way, he has a surprisingly big ego -- but also blatantly cares despite how he often talks, is curious and wants new things, and seems to like connecting with the other voices and even, sometimes, the vessels.

I also think he isn't as hard to get along with as some people think, in the sense of, I think he has like three different "modes" when it comes to interacting with people:

He vibes with how you do things, in which case he goes along quite well, is agreeable and calm, and seems to like you. (Skeptic in the Drowned Grey chapter is a clear example, but so is Cheated in the Wraith I think; IMO Hero and Hunted would go here as well.)

There's enough push-and-pull there that he finds you interesting, in which case he can get a bit intense, prod you some just to see the push back, might sometimes go along just to see what you'll do, and it's a bit harder to tell if he likes you (but honestly he does). (IMO Paranoid would go here, and I do actually think Smitten goes here as well.)

Neither of the above apply, in which case he's just bored of you, and if forced into constant proximity with you, annoyed. (Stubborn in MOC is the most blatant example; IMO Broken would go here as well, ironically outside of if you somehow managed to get Cold alongside him in the Tower route.)

(The first two can be true simultaneously for some people; I feel like Contrarian would be in both. Weirdly, I feel like Opportunist is somehow in both #2 and #3? Stubborn could eventually go into #2, under better circumstances. And the Narrator fits a special category of "fuck you" where He doesn't quite fit #2 but there are some similarities, Cold just doesn't like Him.)

...This got a bit weird and long and out of Unpopular Opinion territory, huh. WELL, TL;DR Cold isn't edgy and actually likes a good number of the other voices.

Favorite relationship

I mean, y'all can guess this one, right? >_>

No, but honestly, as a ship it's definitely ParaCold. But in a totally platonic way, I also really love his dynamic with Hero in the Spectre route, especially if you free Her, and with Skeptic in the Drowned Grey chapter (okay, okay, I can see that one as either platonic or shippy). And his dynamic with the Narrator fascinates me but I can't ever see them getting along.

Favorite headcanon

I love the idea that Cold picks up new things all the time, and whether he sticks with them or not he gets surprisingly good at them first. Skills, hobbies, other languages. I can imagine his handwriting getting better more quickly than a lot of the other voices because of this, and him also managing to bond with the others over doing their hobbies with them.

[ashwhowrites]

Chappell Roan’s “Casual” with Robin? 🥲

I remember when she opened for Fletcher a few years ago! Honored to write a fic for one of the most popular songs at the moment

I hope this is what you wanted and you enjoy it. Thank you for requesting🫶🏻 ( love your profile picture by the way )

Casual

My friends call me a loser 'Cause I'm still hanging around I've heard so many rumors That I'm just a girl that you bang on your couch I thought you thought of me better Someone you couldn't lose You said, "We're not together" So now when we kiss, I have anger issues

Robin Buckley had a hold on Y/N, that she didn't even understand. Robin was a chemical and it fucked up Y/N's brain. It made her make stupid decisions, hallucinate the possibilities, and lose vision in the red flags.

Y/N wasn't anything special to Robin, and that was the issue. No matter how many times people said it to Y/N, she didn't believe it. She was so sure that she meant something to Robin. She believed it was more than a fuck. Almost like Robin kept Y/N there because she can't lose her, she just hasn't admitted it to herself.

If anyone was going to tell her that they weren't anything, it was Robin.

"Why did you kiss her? I mean I was with you." Y/N fought as she followed Robin into her bedroom.

"Because I can! How many times do I have to tell you that we are not together!" Robin argued back, removing her jacket.

Y/N rolled her eyes and stomped her way to her car

Of course, Robin didn't follow. But Y/N still sat in the driveway just in case. She waited and waited, then did what she did best

She went back inside and walked to Robin's bedroom. Robin shifted in bed when she heard Y/N's footsteps. Without a word, she pulled back the blanket, and Y/N crawled inside. She bit her tongue as Robin wrapped her arms around her and softly pressed her lips against hers.

Robin's touch and kiss used to fill her with butterflies, but now all she saw was red, and the taste of betrayal.

You said, "Baby, no attachment" But we're Knee deep in the passenger seat, and you're eating me out Is it casual now? Two weeks, and your mom invites me to her house on Long Beach Is it casual now? I know what you tell your friends It's casual, if it's casual now Then, baby, get me off again If it's casual, it's casual now

Y/N knew it was no attachment, friends with benefits and that is all it would be, to Robin at least. Y/N would always see Robin as so much more.

How did Robin not feel more? Robin was on her knees, head underneath Y/N's skirt as the windows in the car fogged. Y/N did something for herself, she went on a date. And it still ended with her in the palm of Robin's hand. Robin was jealous, that was easy to tell and feel. It meant she cared, how could this be casual?

"Fuck Rob," Y/N moaned as she gripped the seats, Robin hummed but kept her mouth on Y/N's clit. The vibrations made Y/N shiver and her mind went blank. She submitted to Robin's torture.

~

Y/N wasn't sure if she was supposed to say yes or no to Robin's mom's invite. She wanted to scream yes, she wanted to show Robin that others were thinking the same thing she was. That Robin was so wrong because nothing about them was casual.

Y/N looked at Robin as her mom waited for an answer. A huge smile on her face. Robin smiled and Y/N took that as a yes.

Y/N soaked in the air in Robin's arms, sitting on the sand as the waves crashed on the shore. The sun was setting and the sky was pink and purple, the most romantic view.

As she sat in her arms, she still didn't understand how Robin didn't realize the things they did were what couples do. Friends with benefits don't sit on the beach and embrace each other's warmth.

"I could get used to this," Robin whispered, her chin on Y/N's head. Y/N smiled and agreed. But all she could think about was "Why can't you?"

Dumb love, I love being stupid Dream of us in a year Maybe we'd have an apartment And you'd show me off to your friends at the pier

It didn't matter how many people told her she was being dumb, and allowing herself to be hurt. She knew she was, and she accepted that. If being stupid got her this close to Robin, she would pick to be stupid for the rest of her life.

Y/N always dreamed of what life would be like if Robin allowed herself to fall. Would they live in a small apartment filled with plants and cats? An apartment sounded nice, a place they decorated just for them. A place where they could make love and never be alone. Tangled together forever and always. Y/N could finally have a relationship with Robin's friends. They would all hang out and get messy at parties. Y/N would show that she meant something to Robin.

"what are you thinking about?" Robin whispered, her breath against Y/N''s neck as they lay naked in Robin's sheets. Her eyes were closed as she bathed in the comfort of Y/N's arms. She ignored the way her heart raced and how at peace she felt when she was with Y/N. It was casual, she couldn't feel this way.

"Nothing," Y/N lied, closing her eyes to live in her daydream a little longer

Robin nodded and allowed herself to fall into her daydream. Y/N cuddled into her body as Steve told a dumb story. Robin felt no fear of being in love as she watched her two favorite people talk like they had known each other for years. But that was a dream because Robin was racked with fear every time she breathed.

It's hard being casual When my favorite bra lives in your dresser And it's hard being casual When I'm on the phone talking down your sister And I try to be the chill girl That holds her tongue and gives you space I try to be the chill girl But honestly, I'm not

When Y/N was alone and with her thoughts, she broke. She cried in misery. The one thing she needed in her life would simply never be. She never fell in love before Robin, and it killed her to know that love would never be enough. It was hard for her to accept that Robin wasn't the endgame, she was a lesson.

But how was she a lesson that compelled every part of Y/N's life?

Y/N opened her dresser to grab clothes to get dressed. She scrunched her eyebrows as she searched for her favorite bra that fits like a glove. She made a mess as she searched and searched, but no luck. She sighed when she released she must have left it at Robin's. She was confused as to why Robin didn't call to tell her.

~

"Rob? What's up?" Y/N asked

Robin sighed over the phone, her eyes looking to her sister as she cried into her hands.

"Bethany and George broke up, she wants to talk to you." Robin handed the phone over and Y/N pulled out her best advice.

It wasn't a surprise that Bethany wanted to talk to her. Bethany loved Y/N like another sister. Another reason why it pained Y/N was that Robin couldn't give her more. Robin's family loved having Y/N around. If they got married, it would be an easy transition into the Buckley family. But Robin wouldn't let that happen.

Knee deep in the passenger seat, and you're eating me out Two weeks, and your mom invites me to her Long Beach house I know what you tell your friends Baby, get me off again I fucked you in the bathroom when we went to dinner Your parents at the table, you wonder why I'm bitter Bragging to your friends, I get off when you hit it I hate to tell the truth, but I'm sorry, dude, you didn't I hate that I let this drag on so long, now I hate myself Hate that I let this drag on so long, you can go to hell

Robin had her head thrown back and her hand covering her mouth as Y/N fingered her in the bathroom stall.

It was bliss but it was rough. Her fingers moved at a quick speed and pulsing strength. Robin felt like she would wake up bruised. Robin's chest was bare as Y/N sunk her teeth into the skin. Bites and marks are left everywhere.

"Why are you fucking me like you hate me?" Robin panted, her eyes shut as she felt her stomach get tight

Y/N had many reasons to hate her. Sitting at a table with her parents, holding her hand under the table like it meant something. Robin fed her all these teases and ripped them away the same day. For now, Y/N is having dinner but in an hour? She'd be sent home in tears as Robin called someone else. Y/N was tired of getting dragged around.

"Because I do" Y/N admitted, her words drowned out as Robin yelped out her orgasm.

~~~

Y/N rolled her eyes are Robin talked with her friends. Y/N wanted to be excited that she was talking about her, but Robin wasn't. She was bragging about herself

Robin was going on and on about how good she fucked Y/N and all the ways she made her cum. Even more proof that Y/N was nothing except what was between her legs. She was being used and she wouldn't ever be loved by Robin.

Y/N walked out of the party, for once leaving alone and with clear eyes.

She never should have let it go on this long, but all she could do now was end it. She walked out on Robin and walked out on the possibilities.

Robin would not be the only person she would fall in love with. Robin would just be the first because at the end of the day, Robin was a lesson.

[eddiesxangel]

Could i request headcanons or a lil fic for kissing with eddie i rarely see fics about it, its always sex or leads to sex, i just love kissing so much

I wanna make out with him sure but i also want him to surprise me and kiss my cheek, kiss my forehead when he walks past me

Gonna give him the kiss tax

Honestly id be counting down the moments til he kissed me again because id feel bad asking for it

Doesnt matter how long id be with him, being kissed would still make me feel sparkley inside

Hed probably laugh at me because id be jumping from one foot to the other giggling and clapping because he kissed my cheek

He takes my hand and kisses all over it and over every finger and knuckle :((

Can you tell im touchstarved ? 😂

KISSING EDDIE SUPREMACY!!!!

Eddie love love loves to kiss you because he is actually and utterly obsessed with you. His love language is physical touch and he doesn’t know how else to show his love and affection in any other way. The way he would latch his lips on to you at any given moment would always leave you surprised but giddy nonetheless.

It would start off slowly, when you agreed to go out with him he took your hand and brought the back of it up to his lips, ever the gentleman. Your reaction is what got him going. He made it his mission to get that reaction after each unexpected kiss.

It didn’t matter where the two of you were, he loved kissing your lips, your forehead, cheeks, fingers, because it was you. You could be alone, with friends or his favourite, to kiss you in public. It would never be too raunchy but he loved to stake his claim on you in front of strangers. It would usually be a kiss in the cheek or sometimes a peck on the lips, but it made you feel so warm.

Sometimes when he is feeling extra affectionate will kiss your ring finger on your left hand. You wouldn’t know if it was on purpose or not but Eddie knew exactly what he was doing. The thought of getting to kiss at the alter infront of all those people just made the thought of marrying you 10x better.

When you and Eddie are alone he always makes you ‘pay up’ if you’d gone more than a few hours without his lips making contact with yours. He would be the most dramatic about it, he would pretend to be gasping for air until he fake “died” in front of your eyes. You would giggle and tell him to quit it but he wouldn’t let up until you lay a big fat wet one on him!!

[ikamigami]

I watched Amanda the Adventurer sams gameplay..

And we can clearly see that Sun isn't doing okay.. which isn't surprising at all considering that Puppet and Foxy are trying to force him to agree on killing Moon..

Sun thinks that he's useless because he doesn't know how to help Moon, how to stop him so he wouldn't have to be killed..

We could see that when Sun said that he doesn't know anything useful or useless..

We can also see that Sun once again is thinking about dying.. expressing his passive suicidality..

We could see that when Sun said that he wants for the monster to kill him.. he said that almost at the end of the episode..

Also the way he said that no matter what option he'll choose he'll die seems pretty ominous.. he said that when he was wondering if he should exit the library or watch the second tape..

And before anyone will say that this is far fetched they hinted Sun's odd behaviour before killing Bloodmoon when they played previous Amanda the Adventurer game..

To me it seems that Sun will die and it seems that it might be on his own will..

Before anyone jump at me let me clarify.. I don't know how Sun will die.. even if I said that it'll be on his own will it doesn't immediately mean that he'll kill himself by his own hands.. he can just let someone kill him or even try to protect Moon by shielding him with his own body.. but it'd be still Sun's decision to die.. it'd still be on his own will..

Sun is in poor mental state.. in my opinion he was even before but now it got worse because of the situation with Moon..

But I just think that Sun doesn't realize that himself.. he doesn't see that his mental state is worsening..

I can only hope that things won't get bad but I think that they will..

And also like I said already even if Sun continue living for his family and that he doesn't want to leave them.. he's still struggling with delusions which may push him to take his own life.. doesn't matter directly or indirectly.. Sun suffers from depressive psychosis and he's struggling with delusions centered around guilt and unworthiness.. and because of that he's at great risk of attempting suicide.. doesn't matter if passively or actively..

Delusions are a real danger for someone who experience them.. so it doesn't matter if a person who struggles with them doesn't want to die.. because if there's a higher risk that they'll attempt suicide when in delusional state.. and this is what I mean that Sun may attempt suicide..

I know that many of you don't know what I mean because most of you never experienced such delusions.. but I did.. even not so long ago I was in really poor mental state and I experienced vivid suicidal thoughts.. even if I didn't actually want to die.. it still was very overwhelming and I was scared and I had thoughts that maybe I should kill myself if I'm such an awful person.. a nuisance for everyone.. because in my mind I caused harm to everyone..

People who say that when someone is passively suicidal we don't have to worry that they attempt suicide but it's not true.. not true at all.. the line between passive and active suicidal thoughts or ideations is blurry.. at one point someone can have passive suicidal ideation and in the other active suicidal ideation.. and we can't be sure that they'll act on them.. they're still at risk.. we shouldn't ignore anyone who experience suicidal thoughts no matter passive or active..

I'm more aware of my own symptoms so even if I'm afraid when I have these thoughts or ideations I still know that I don't want to die and I can try to shift focus on something else and try to get through this..

But when someone isn't as much aware like Sun.. it's not that easy to just simply realize "yes, this is caused by my delusions so I need to get through this and it'll be okay".. when you're not aware that you're struggling with delusions it's hard to get through it.. and when you're also depressed it's even harder to just withstand these suicidal thoughts and ideations fuelled by depressive thoughts and delusions..

Hope that this helps a little bit for you to understand what I mean when I say that Sun may attempt suicide..

[yujeong]

.... You know... Vegas canonically making sure to check if his pets are healthy in all aspects of their existence is something that has such potential for pure *filth* and I need to dissect it a little bit. (Warning: this is going to be gross. I'll be talking about excrements. I'll be describing things in detail; not much, but enough to probably make someone gag, so skip this if it's too disgusting for you to read.)

So, ok. The whole fandom has had ideas about how Pete could be getting cleaned at the safehouse. Most of what I've seen is Vegas taking him to a separate room to clean him up or to give him a shave - lovely fics out there, I have to say - and I agree with that idea. The room doesn't have anything in it for Pete to wash himself - - which brings me to the toilet issue. Look. The show didn't even touch on showering, so the very valid question of "How was Pete going to the toilet?" would never be explored, no matter how interesting that would be. (To me. It'd be interesting to me and maybe 2 other people, but still.) I have already explained in this post just how utterly disgusting the safehouse really is as an environment (specifically the room Pete is being held at for obvious reasons), which brings me to this, because one idea I had for the toilet issue was... Vegas leaving a bucket next to Pete to use for his, um, needs. (Generally, I'm very into Vegas humiliating Pete during the safehouse days as a torture method. I believe the dog bowl scene speaks for itself.) Now, one issue in regards to this is the fact that Pete wasn't eating. When your food intake decreases, it leads to constipation, and I can just *imagine* Vegas losing his mind whenever he returned in the room to check if the bucket was full and only seeing piss in there - not much of it, too, because Pete sure as hell wasn't drinking any water. Of course, the next step is dragging Pete to the bathroom to do it there, right? He has to make sure his pet's digestive system is working properly, which means... Vegas staying in the bathroom to watch Pete, checking the contortions on Pete's face, the change of colour on his cheeks, hearing his subtle moans and groans and gasps from his efforts to do the thing, seeing him struggle, sigh, maybe shed a tear or two from the pain. ^This isn't meant to be sexual btw, but it also is in a way, because it's Vegas we're talking about here. Vegas is attracted to all of Pete, to everything coming out of him (heh). So, he watches. He doesn't let Pete touch anything in the bathroom. He doesn't let him flush. He takes him back to the room, locks him there and returns to the narrow space to inspect. He spends minutes staring at Pete's excrements, at how small they are ("Don't they feed them anything at the main family?" he wonders like a hypocrite), he lets the smell invade his nose and does his best to not frown, maybe he lowers his body to have a closer look, to check the colour, the texture and everything else - he wouldn't want Pete to have diarrhea or something, right? - and after spending so much time down there that his knees are starting to hurt, he gets up and pulls the string to flush the toiler (idk why I imagined this type of toiler for the safehouse, but stay with me.) And then, he realizes the toiler isn't functioning properly and the excrements stay there, and suddenly, the morbid fascination he had turns into anger. Why aren't they going away? Why are they still here? So, he pulls and pulls and pulls, maybe he breaks the string from how forcefully he's pulling it and he yells in frustration - worthless piece of shit, can't even flush a fucking toilet - so he ends up grabbing the bucket he'd given to Pete, filling it with water and pouring it in there to make the excrements go away. He succeeds the fifth time, drenched in sweat. See? he says to himself. Maybe you can deal with your shit after all. But this can't continue, he thinks. So what if, in Eileen fashion, Vegas thinks that the best way to deal with this problem is by force-feeding Pete laxatives to help him release the load? And what if that solution makes Pete's stomach worse? What if it leads to him vomiting (which is another result of not eating), making Vegas lose his mind even further? What if Vegas' actions create a circle of grossness he can't escape from? I can go on and on about this, but I'll stop here, I think I got the point across lol. VegasPete are so gross (affectionate) (derogatory) ❤️❤️

[666writingcafe]

Knowledge is Power

Satan

I know I shouldn't have checked out this many books from the library, but I couldn't help myself. Being able to finally take whatever I want home with me is rather nice. It's not like the library's open 24/7, and I hate being interrupted mid-sentence simply because it's closing time.

Still, I should have at least grabbed a cart or something before I left the house this morning. I barely have enough hands to carry all these books, and my carefully constructed tower is starting to lean precariously in my arms.

"Would you like some help?" The voice briefly startles me, and I almost turn around to snap at them. But then I realize that it's merely Zephyr, and I try my best to calm down. Unlike a lot of people in this dump, their intentions are genuinely kind; I've never sensed any ulterior motives from them, which is a bit strange for a demon, but for some reason it doesn't bother me too much.

I suppose that's why I simply set the pile of books down on the nearest surface and allow Zephyr to grab some instead of accusing them of thinking that I'm weak and incapable of doing something on my own. They're just trying to do their job as our attendant, and I can't fault them too much for that.

Once we enter my bedroom and set everything down properly, I quietly thank them.

"I'm so glad we're finally allowed to use the library now," I tell them. "I mean, technically we already had access to it thanks to Diavolo, but no one would ever let me check out a book until now." I pause, becoming frustrated. "I suppose it's yet another perk of being named one of the Rulers of the Underworld."

"It irritates you, doesn't it?" Zephyr asks. "That people's opinions are as fickle as they are?"

They took the words right out of my mouth. How did they manage to do that?

"Absolutely. Like, why do I need a title to suddenly become good enough for them? It's ridiculous."

"I agree. Unless you need to do business with those people, I'd recommend keeping your distance from them. They showed their true colors before, and they'll do so again in a heartbeat." I sigh. The fact that they're right is irritating, but it's not their fault. It's simply the state of this fucked up society. They're probably still going to talk shit about us, but it'll be behind our backs now.

Which is honestly worse. At least I knew what people thought of me before.

"Still, what matters is that I have access to all their books now," I state.

"You certainly have a good chunk of them," Zephyr replies, glancing at some of the titles. "Interested in curses, are we?" I nod.

"I'm going to read every last one of these texts until I've mastered the most powerful of curses. I want to bring down that smug, arrogant bastard and make him beg me for mercy."

"What did he do this time?" Zephyr's holding back a smile. My tirades against Lucifer always seem to amuse them, and I'm not entirely sure why. It's not like they think I'm being silly; not only will they listen to me rant about him, but they actively ask me questions that take my feelings into account instead of merely brushing them off.

I've always been too scared to confront them about it, though. Something tells me that they're not one to be messed with, and I don't want to be at the end of their wrath if and when they finally snap.

"The other day, he chained me to my bed and spoon-fed me breakfast like I was a stupid baby unable to hold my own utensils. It was embarrassing."

"Did he say why he was doing it?" I have to remind myself that they're not asking because they're trying to justify his actions. It's the only thing that helps me remain calm.

"He said he didn't have a choice, that I'd end up destroying the whole house otherwise. But, if I promised to 'behave myself', he'd let me go."

"And you don't like him telling you what to do."

"Exactly! And then he was all like, 'come on, say aaah' and 'here comes the airplane' and shit! He even pinched my nose to force me to open my mouth! He treated the whole thing like it was a joke!" Zephyr takes a deep breath, appearing to hold back laughter.

"You'll have to forgive me, Satan. My sense of humor tends to go in that direction," they explain, clearly sensing my impending anger. "However, that doesn't excuse what he did to you. You're not a zoo animal, but a fully realized person. He needs to respect that."

I can't go off on them now. They're at least trying to take me seriously. Everyone else would have busted out laughing upon hearing that particular antidote.

"Do you have some spare paper?" Zephyr suddenly asks.

"You know, I'm not sure. Until recently, I've not been able to do much exploring. You can check inside that desk there." I point towards it, and MC walks over and begins opening up drawers. Once they find what they're looking for, they sit down, pull a pen out of their pocket, and start writing.

"What are you doing?"

"It's best to start out with something simple. Once you've mastered the fundamentals--which I'm sure you will in fairly short order--then you can move on to more complex topics."

At first, I'm confused as to what they're talking about. They can be annoyingly vague sometimes.

And then it hits me.

"Are you indulging me?" I ask. The smirk on Zephyr's face as they hand me the now-folded piece of paper answers my question.

"Don't tell anyone. I don't want a certain someone yelling at me about it for hours on end." I'm truly speechless.

"Practice it a few times first, preferably out of the house," they continue. "If any of your brothers get hit with this curse, Lucifer will know you're up to no good, and he'll chain you up faster than you can begin uttering the first few words of it to him." They briefly pause,

'To that effect, when you do finally use it on him, make sure it's when he least expects it. It's not going to work if he can see it coming from a mile away.

I know I look like a starstruck little kid at a candy store at the moment, because I certainly feel like one. I think this is the nicest thing anyone's done for me.

"If you need anything, I'm going to attempt to get in the shower," they call out as they walk out of my room, leaving me standing frozen in shock.

Taglist: @lost-in-time-wanderer, @fuzztacular, @dianedancer18, @sweetbrier2908, @flare-love, @completelyshatteredbrokenmschf, @thunderlightning351, @l3v1chan, @anxious-chick, @5mary5, @expressionless-fr

[dazachi]

Chuuya can understand Dazai so well because his mind is actually similar to Dazai's.

These two understand each other the most. They "hate" the other because they can see hints of themselves in each other. It is why they are convinced in the other's humanity when they question it on themselves. It's why they don't do much talking and yet arrive to the same conclusions. It's why they work so well. They're different in so many aspects on the surface, but deep inside, they know it's like looking in the mirror.

They don't have to agree, but they do understand the thought process BECAUSE they've thought of it before.

They probably rarely had to talk beyond short arguments because they don't need to talk to know what the other is thinking. They always agree at times when it mattered the most.

"Soulmates" is the only possible definition for these two because there's no better way to describe them.

[archduke-enver-gortash]

mmm essay about sally and kid gort in the tags (cw for child abuse, mentions of suicide, animal cruelty and a murder attempt. i always hope i don’t have to say this but just in case: i don’t excuse or condone any of her or gort’s behaviour at all.) this is literally not even touching upon everything i have to say because i hit the fucking tag limit lmao. NOBODY READ IT’S BAD BRAINSTORMING I JUST NEEDED TO GET IT OUT SOMEHOW

[lesenbyan]

There are few things worse, I think, than reading a call to action memoir that is so close to right but really should have been shelved for at least 5yrs before going to print so the author has time to learn enough to see all the false equivalencies that really hinder the point