#they also had batman stuff but honestly i’m so like. idc about him. i want spider-man merch. some miles merch. thank you

[mangoisms]

i also got the CUTEST spider-man notebook from boxlunch today. it’s lined which is the last kind of paper i prefer (bulleted and graph my beloved) but honestly it’s so cute and fun i don’t mind. PLUS it has tabs. everyone look at it rn

[toecrust69]

Hi! I’m not sure if you’re still taking requests but if you are, can I ask for one, Batfam x vigilante!male!reader (or gn, idc) The reader is a teen (younger than Tim and older than Damian). He’s like super smart and knows martial arts and is a total badass. The bat family has been trying to catch him for a year now. The reader just stopped a drug dealing, near the docks and was about to go back to patrolling but nightwing and Robin show up. They fight for a bit and robin kicks the reader in the water. The reader is exhausted too and passes out. Nightwing sees the reader not coming back up and dives in and rescues him. They take him back to the bat cave, put him in like a cell and the batfam starts questioning him. They find out he’s a kid and a orphan and ALSO knows who they are, bruce decides to adopt him (the reader and Robin not wanting that) but Bruce says something like since the readers just a kid and he already knows their identity, might as well adopt him and keep a eye on him. Thank youuuuu, I hope you can do this! Sorry if it’s a bit much <3

Super Cool Title

Tw: profanity but honestly who cares, bad writing, bad fight scenes

Authors note: don't worry about it at all! I hope u enjoy <3 Also, the reader is gender-neutral so I'm gonna try my best to not use any pronouns. Please let me know if you find any mistakes and I will fix them as soon as possible. Also, I changed some stuff up, so I hope you don't mind.

Enjoy!

The harsh wind hit you as you jumped from rooftop to rooftop.

You'd occasionally go down if you ever heard a noise, but so far, you haven't.

It was a quiet night.

Quiet nights weren't common in Gotham, but every time there was one, something happened by the end of it.

You didn't know if it was some sort if curse put on Gotham but you honestly wouldn't be surprised if that was the case.

You landed on a bridge overlooking a river, but you must be been too deep in thought to notice the loud thud behind you.

You did, however, hear the familiar voice of Robin behind you.

"ow," he hissed.

You whipped your head back to look at him and saw him there, on the ground, holding his knee to his chest.

You stifled a laugh as you crochet down in front of him, but still a few feet apart.

"What's wrong?" you began mockingly, "I thought Robins could fly, so why did you fall?".

"Fuck you," he hissed through gritted teeth.

You rolled your eyes and stared patiently at him, waiting for him to give up and ask for help.

He sensed your heavy gaze on him and glanced up at you.

"What" he demanded— rather aggressively might I add— but you decided to ignore it.

You pretended to pick at your nails then said; "oh, nothing much... Just waiting for you to swallow your pride and ask me for some much-needed help."

You smirked when his glare hardened, clearly annoyed.

He clearly wasn't giving up any time soon, so you decided to take manors into your own hands.

Standing up, you fished a mini med kit from your pockets and walked towards him.

He didn't seem to notice you until you were crouched down in front of him —closer this time— examining his seemingly hurt ankle.

He squirmed in your touch and yelled profanities at you as you tried to calm him down and keep him still.

"What do you think you're doing!? Let go of me you mo-"

"Shut up!" your voice was stern which seemed to help him follow your orders. "Stop moving so much— I can barely see what's wrong"

A quiet moment passed and soon you were bandaging his ankle.

"Why are you here, anyway?" you asked. "Still trying to catch me?" you teased with a smirk as you finished wrapping his ankle.

It wasn't a secret that Batman and his family had been trying to catch you for a little over a year now; there had been many articles written about the latest fight between you and Batman.

And, you guessed it, Batman never won.

*sigh*, you're just too cool for your own good...

A mischievous smirk graced his lips as he spoke, "Yes, was it too obvious?".

Before you could process what he was saying, he was launching himself at you and you were on the ground with him hovering only inches above you.

He raised his fists to punch you, but you caught it before it got the chance to.

Kicking him off of you, you stood up and watched as he struggled to do the same.

Your breaths were heavy and you brought your fists and guard down.

You couldn't help but feel bad for the kid. He was still young— younger than you. You know what it feels like to–

Suddenly, you were pushed to the ground, again, with somebody hovering atop you.

The fall was so hard that it knocked the air out of your lungs, but you still managed to crane your neck up to see who it was, only to have a hand planter on your head, twisting it back to where it once was.

"You good, Robin?" ah, you recognized that voice— it was Nightwing.

He nodded his head and pointed to his bandaged ankle. "Yes, I'm okay," he pointed at you, "This imbecile here helped me out".

With his other hand, Nightwing took both of your wrists and held them together as makeshift handcuffs.

Before you could speak, Nightwing beat you to it. "Oh, is that so?" he said mockingly, "I didn't know you had it in ya. Thanks for helping him out but we gotta take you back now."

You groaned. Not this shit again, you thought.

But you weren't going to go without a fight.

He stood up, picking you up in the process. He held you flush against his back and leaned down to whisper in your ear, "You won't escape this time".

You took this position to your advantage and turned your head to face him. Before he could react, you swept your tongue over his cheek.

He stumbled back in disgust and touched his cheek with his hand. He glanced down at his hand in disgust and you took the opportunity to high kick him in the face.

He stumbled back into the ground with a groan and held his now broken and bloody nose.

You turned to face Robin who was now standing up, ready to fight.

He launched himself at you once again but you punched him in the face before he could reach you.

Dumbass, you thought.

He fell to the ground, clearly embarrassed, and you circled him before speaking.

"Say, Robin, was you falling and getting hurt all part of your plan to —unsuccessfully— catch me again?" you taunted.

His glare hardened on you but then glanced behind you.

You didn't think much of it until you realized that he was starting at something behind you.

You couldn't even turn your head fully before you felt somebody hit your back, causing you to stumble forwards.

But you fought yourself before you could fall (again), and turned to face the culprit.

There you saw Nightwing again, in a fighting position.

Fuck not agai-

Your thoughts were quickly interrupted by another fight between both Nightwing and Robin.

You might've been strong when fighting with one of them, but not with two of them.

The whole thing was a blur, but all you know is that you somehow ended up tumbling down the bridge rather ungracefully.

Panting, Dick turned to Damian and saskef if he was okay.

"You good?"

"Yes", he responded through labored breaths. "Now all we have to do is bring them back and hope we don't end up getting our asses beat again".

"yeah, you gotta admit they're pretty good."

Damian nodded reluctantly in response. He glanced down at the water and then asked "Why haven't they come up yet?"

He shook his head mindlessly, still trying to catch his breath, when he realized–

"Holy shit where are they!?"

Dick frantically looked down at the water, Damian following suit.

They stared in horror as tiny air bubbles made their way up to the surface.

Before Damian could, Dick dove down into the water to get you.

The last thing you remember before blacking out was Robin— aka Damian— kicking you into the water with Nightwing— aka Dick— by his side.

Yeah, that's right, you know their identity.

You had to admit it took you a while to figure it out, but when you did, you honestly weren't that surprised.

What did surprise you, however, was how quickly you found Superman's identity.

That and how he hid it.

God, the people of Gotham can be so stupid sentimes

I mean— he had the money and the family, so why not?

Anyways, that's not important.

What is important, however, was for you to get out of here.

You had woken up about five minutes ago, but you made no move to show it.

You tried your best to gather some information on where and how you got here.

But that was easier said than done when you were put in the hospital room that was boarded off from the rest of what you assumed to be the Batcave.

Suddenly, the door opened and you heard two heavy footsteps enter the room, along with a light one.

"How do you find them?" a deep voice, who you assumed was Bruce, asked.

"This little demon spawn here kicked them into the water and they passed out", Dick explained.

"Hey!" Damian hissed. "I already said I was sorry", his voice sounded lower and a bit guilty than before.

Bruce only hummed, stepping closer to you and it took everything in you not to freak out.

He reached his hand out to brush a strand of hair from your face and you internally thanked him because that strand had been tickling and annoying you since you woke up.

"Well, they're something" he started plainly and they simply hummed in response.

The door opened and another set of step walked in.

"What did you find on them?" Bruce asked the mystery person.

"Well, they live in an orphanage not too far from here. Actually, its the same one Dick grew up in." his voice was tired, deep, and familiar... Ah! Tim, aka Red Robin

He continued, "Their mom and dad died a couple years ago in a car accident driving and left an inheritance of 3,000 dollars that they will get once they turn 18. Oh! And I think they know our identity"

What? How the fuck did he-

"How the fuck do you know that?!" Damian asked, earning a light slap from Bruce.

"Language!" he demanded and you could practically hear him rolling his eyes.

"Oh, because they've been awake this whole time and they have a whole Google slide about us."

Fuck.

Your eyes snapped open and everybody turned to look at you.

An awkward beat passed when Dick finally broke the this atmosphere.

"I knew that".

You stood in front of the Batcomputer, arms crossed over your chest, as you watched the chaos fold right in front of you.

You changed out the hospital gown and borrowed one of Tims's old shirts that fit you like a glove.

Everybody was screaming at one another and all you did was lean back and quietly munch away on one of alfreds cookies.

His cookies were delicious and you'd gladly sell your soul for the recipe.

Speaking of Alfred, he walked up beside you with a tiny metal tray holding more cookies and gestured at you to take some more.

You gladly accepted with a small 'thank you' and he was on his way.

Jason had arrived not that long ago when he heard that they finally caught you.

He was mainly arguing with Damian and Bruce but you honestly didn't care all that much.

All you could focus on were the damn cookies.

What did catch your attention, however, was Bruce's next words.

"Why don't I just adopt them!? They already know our identity and they'd make a great addition to the family and team!" he screamed.

"Hell no" you and Damian screeched at the same time while everybody else kept quiet.

You briefly glanced at Damian only for him to look around the now quite room.

They seemed to be considering it.

Damian let out a sarcastic and breathy laugh. "There's no fucking way you're actually considering this, Father", he muttered under his breath but still loud enough for everybody to hear.

His voice was almost as small as he felt.

"For once, I agree with him" you said, pointing at him.

"Aw, look, they're both already getting along like siblings." Jadon pointed at you, "I'm gonna call you demon spawn 2.0" Jason teased and smirked.

You and Damian both snapped your heads at him and gave him the coldest glare you could muster at the same time.

Usually, Jason wouldve cowered away in fear but he was too busy laughing his ass off at the resemblance.

You both rolled your eyes and turned back to face Bruce and the others. At the same time without realizing it.

Again.

Some of them were holding back laughter while the rest had their mouth open in shock.

Damian tilted his head and you asked, "What?".

They shook their heads and went back to what they were talking about.

"Well, I don't see why not" Cass started from her spot on the table. "They already know our identity —like you said —and we could always train them to be better".

Everybody else nodded in agreement except for you and Damian, who stared in shock.

"I can't belive this-!"

"You can't be serious-!"

You and Damian spoke at the same time, causing both of you to snap your head ad glare at one another before turning your head again.

Bruce brought up a hand to pinch the bridge of his nose and sighed in annoyance.

He muttered random words under his breath for a moment as everybody stared at him in confusion.

He eventually snapped his head up and finally spoke; "It's final," he pointed at you, "you're getting adopted," he pointed and Damian, "and you two are getting along"

You both stared at him for a brief second, disbelief written all over your face as you began protesting rather loudly.

Bruce finally snapped and turned to look at you both. "I said it's final! You can't change my mind!" His voice was stern, and a bit scary, so you stayed quiet.

He sighed in relief once you actually shut up.

He turned his back to face you, muttering to himself again.

You leaned over to Damian and whispered, "does he do that often?".

Damian leaned in a bit too and answered, "yeah, but don't worry, you'll get used to it".

You nodded absently and straightedge your back again when Bruce turned to look at you two again

"See!" He gestured at you two, "you're already getting along well. Jason was right, now stop whining." He began walking away.

They're already making me grow white hairs, he thought

Jason dramatically gasped at his words and followed behind him. "What was that!?"

Finally! Im done! I really hope you guys enjoyed reading this as much as I love writing this. I'm really proud of how this turned out and I'm honestly kinda surprised that I managed to finish this quickly

-toes<3

[batarangsoundsdumb]

hae interrogationes multae respondeant quia demens .

if you read this entire ask post you deserve a gold star and financial recompensation

Um, Obviously because when you’re adopted by a white guy you automatically become white duhhh

this is about this post lmao and yeah youre absolutely right, you have to hand your poc card in when you get adopted by a white guy.

Do you think Cass would listen to Yanni, the YouTube channel epic symphonic rock, or some other stuff? There's some cool mashups but idk if that's up your alley, I kinda feel like I'm pushing it with my weird taste of music by recommending an orchestra cover of metal, but i just love that sort of thing and mashups :P @harvestyourcherries 

i haven’t heard of that? but in my personal (correct) opinion steph listens to classical music, and then both modern and older, and then also stuff like black sabbath, iron maiden, but also hardrock and hardcore. i like the idea of cass just liking the most extreme screaming songs full of noise and then also listen to pachelbel’s 370th sonata yanno? THANK YOU for the rec tho

speaking of ur cass playlist hc...reminds of the time (yesterday) i found 2 playlists randomly on spotify from the same user. one was abt 3 hours of instrumental/classical "dark" & "nostalgic" music. the other almost 11 hours of nothing but hardcore bass/synth/electronic music. just an incredible tightrope act to put on in public. the synth one was also called like "psalms for synth sluts" which is Also incredible

tbh i LOVE synth SO MUCH like for no reason at all but then also cannot handle a poppy electronic beat lmao. but this seems like the kinda thing i’d do but just in one (1) playlist bc i just sort songs by vibe instead of genre? that’s how i end up with britney spears and billy ray cyrus in the same playlist. 

Oh, I want Kate Kane playlist next! It would be amazing if you could do one when you have time and will 🙏

how rude would it be of me to just say no? like sorry kate but idk you and also you seem way too keen on the us military for an institution that homophobically targeted you? (and also commits war crimes) but let’s unpack the fact that the institution that caused the death of your mom and sister and also got you blacklisted for being gay is still one you align with???

'yes i am' 'no you're not' 'yes i am' 'no you're not' 'yes i am' 'no you're not' 'yes i am' 'no you're not' 'yes i am' 'no you're not' 'yes i am' 'no you're not' --- when i tell you i fucking screamed LOL!!!!!!! i can imagine the cameraman not knowing if he should cut to commercial or keep it on these two weirdos fighting on stage (bruce definitely ruffled dick's hair/noogied him right?? 

about this post but yeah lmao. this cameraman just turns to like the audience to get a reaction and it’s just multiple moments of CLEAR shock.

you are the only funny person on this hellsite

how egotistical is it for me to say that i get this ask multiple times a month? bc it literally happens so often it’s hilarious to me.

Wish there was more john/Bruce content 😔😔😔 was so hungry I actually looked at canon media 😔😔😔 (Justice League Dark babeeeyyyyyy)

check out batman: damned for some mediocre content but at least it’s john/bruce (also very interesting story and stuff, just got very >:( over this weird part where harley quinn tried to r*pe bruce or something? it’s not for everyone)

dick grayson but he's nicki minaj

his anaconda don’t want none,,, unless...... 

Dick Grayson was never a cop, he played Marshall on Paw Patrol

you are SO right. also paw patrol is a fucking good show idc. that shit could’ve been the new steven universe on this hellsite.

https://www.instagram.com/p/CS1lI0bLI7-/?utm_medium=copy_link

...

why do people keep reposting my CONTENT. if you are not funny yourself don’t just grab shit off of tumblr and post it on insta,,, get a life. sidenote: should i start an insta and get all these ppl to take my content down that would be funny as hell.

Might I suggest for a Gotham City Meme: something about the true crime fandom thirsting for the rogues gallery

ok can i just say something slightly controversial?? no? i don’t find true crime ppl who are into criminals funny, that shits disturbing irl im not gonna bring that into my very chill universe.

i may have never seen a 'jason cleaning guns in sink' fic but i do know he WOULD

THANK YOU

bestie im sorry to say this to you but while you can, and people do wash their guns in the sink, that is a lot of lead in a very vital part of the kitchen.

people tend to do it in the bathtub.

WHY???? like damn why do you even have guns

i dont think i read many gun sink fics exactly but i have read lots of fics where jason cleanes his guns in the living room. usualy dissembles them and cleans them with a rag i think

lmao fair enough, like i think that’s a large part of what i remember as well.

if you say you've seen/read gun sink fics I believe you. I think those of us who didn't see them are lucky or maybe didn't search for fics by tags or something idk

i mean ive never sought them out but i HAVE seen them,, like definitely i know almost for certain.

saw your tags and I'm interested in Steph/Kara now. They would be the most chaotic couple <3

literally thoooo, i have a wip where they get together in a zombie apocalypse and like UGGGHhhh i am so in love with them.

I am the Breece anon. Thanks for the recommendation; am reading now. I’ve always been a hardcore Superman fan because I love my pure himbo farm boy. My logic is, if one Bruce is a Broose, then multiple Broose are a herd of Breece. And this is a hill upon which I will perish.

fair enough,,,, like moose, meese, goose, geese, bruce, breece. i get your logic and i stand by it as well. (glad you enjoyed the comic recs!!!!)

It's a beautiful day in Gotham, and you are a group of horrible Breece

OH my god dude lmao

there only being 42 fics on ao3 for tim and bernard is honestly so sad i need more

it’s like twice that now!!! we did it lads. (tho very sad that my fic isnt number one but like number 4 :((((  )

i'm too late you already did the poll lol but may i suggest bethy (bernard + timothy)

shit dude that wouldve been so fucking funnyyyyy. think ppl have just stuck to timber tho, tim/bernard kinda died down recently and i think it’s too bad, they’re a great couple and i love them.

Wait, hear me out

Bernothy @redlightofdawn

great recommendation (lmao this ask is from like a month ago) but very sorry to announce that NARDTH is the superior shipname

Wait, we know that bernard likes milfs (Tim's step-mom) but what about dilfs? gilfs?

Wait no, I regret sending that ask

these were two seperate asks and they’re HILARIOUS. in my personal opinion tho,,, milfs, gilfs, dilfs are just about vibes and bernard is just attracted to sexy ppl who may sometimes be milfs, dilfs, or EVEN gilfs.

crime in bludhaven would drop to half if nightwing had a boob window. in this essay i will-

WHERE’S THE ESSAY ANON, WHERE’S THE FUCKING ESSAY

Wait if Barbra and Tim r at opposite ends at all times what happened to Barbra once everyone’s Tim’s ever love before started dying lol

she won a lottery ticket and spent 2 weeks on a resort in the bahamas before returning home and finding out that the joker was arrested for tax evasion and then spent a month staying at her big tiddie goth girlfriend’s house before conner came back to life and she broke her pinkie playing table hockey.

Why is the opposite end thing so funny and compelling to me. Tim comes back from his depression quest for Bruce and Babs is now a literal god

lmao when tim loses his spleen barbara reaches nirvana.

Are you still taking music recs because I have three songs that remind me of Jason that I think you'd like

send to me or lose a toe

🌸 ⭐ put this star into the inbox of your favorite blogs. it’s time to spread positivity! ⭐🌸😋

thanks, i wont tho on account of i wont.

https://vm.tiktok.com/ZMduBy3Sr/

⬆️

This is the whole of Blüdhaven and everyone anywhere.

Nightwings ass alone saves more people in a calendar year and does more for so society than most heroes do their whole career.Also u are one of the funniest tumblr pages out there. The vibes are unmatched and the memes and tags ✨send me✨.Thank u and goodnight @julia-flow 

fanksss also lmao.

That's going to be a little bit difficult to explain, but

There's some music that you listen to and you think, "oh my gosh, I can perfectly imagine Dick Grayson singing this song, with the same voice as the singer because that voice matches with Dick Grayson"?

oh yeah totally lmao. i have a lot of songs that i think are just entirely dick grayson yanno? kind of all of my playlists have that vibe, but i really find bleachers to fit with dick? idk.

"Lois lane/Superman" fics this, "Lois lane/Clark Kent" fics that, (/lh) let's get into the real good stuff. Some people ship Lois, Clark, and Superman as a throuple. Most popular fic tag for sure

yes totally, i think they’d be absolutely killer on ao3 and clark gets so fucking embarassed about it.

I miss your post, hope you’re doing okay!!

haha this was like 2 months ago, but i was doing fine then too! just didn’t have a lot of inspiration in terms of content.

Doot doot!

noot noot

I’m confused. What did DC do now? Like with nightwing? And another sibling? Please spoil everything for me

lmao they gave him a secret sister plotline where they had his dad cheat on his mom with tony zucco’s wife, bc dick’s life wasn’t traumatic enough yet.

sorry but it's so funny that batman is called "the dark knight" when the gotham city baseball team is called the gotham knights. it'd be like if a vigilante was running around new york called like "the scary yankee"

lmaooo no. but like yankee comes from dutch names or something so wouldnt it be HILARIOUS if gotham knights came from like german names and bruce would be running around called the dark KLAUS UND NIEK @graysonnightwing 

(not a batcest shipper) it’s so funny to me that the responses are “i’m a batcest shipper because i can differentiate fiction from reality and and it doesn’t bother me personally, but i understand why you oils think it’s weird” to “i wish all batcest shippers a very fucking die”

yeah lmaoo. i personally basically flipped my entire stance around to ‘i dont care please leave me and everybody else alone’ bc i think there’s really no point in starting a moral dillema over some fucking fandom bullshit. Please just,,, go home,,, log off, find a nice forest to have a little walk in and remember that somewhere in history, somebody probably died in the place you’re standing. and you will also die someday, and somebody will have to look at your internet usage and see you fighting multiple people anonymously while being named ‘nightwingsbuttchin200186′ like... calm down, we’re all gonna die this is not the thing to worry about.

so since like "wards" don't really exist in modern society almost all the batkids are foster kids, right? i used to work in the system and imagine: monthly visits from social workers and guardian ad litems, bruce having to get permission to take the boys anywhere out of state, calling their social worker at like 8 a.m. like "yeah dick broke his arm again... a gymnastics accident this time...." their poor social worker. bruce send her a huge bouquet and box of chocolates every month to stay on her good side

i imagine the social worker just getting into the case like ‘yeah let’s get this kid a good guardian’ and then ending up having to work with 22 y/o bruce wayne and his 50 y/o dad. and so this social worker is like ‘okay we can work with this, this is the best home i can find’ and then like it ends up landing on its feet and then the kid gets adopted and then they get a call a year later like ‘uhm so hi, this kid tried to steal my tyres can i adopt him?’ and like 3 years later. ‘okay so basically, my neighbours’ kid imprinted on me and now they’re dead, can i keep him?’ two years later it’s like ‘okay so this assassin child-’

ever since I saw that one post of yours, the meme that's something like "I know that abba's backup dancer got me" with a picture of discowing, I've been haunted. Every once in a while I'll be minding my own business then the image of abba's backup dancer dick grayson aka nightwing aka discowing will flash in my mind and I'll be frozen in place. Today at work I was in the middle of folding clothes and suddenly once again discowing entered my mind and I suddenly lost the ability to see anything except He. Thank you.

wow. the IMPACT.

Braver than any US marine man props to you🤝

this shit is about the time i wrote an article on batcest, like man,,, the fact that i didn’t get cancelled is MIRACULOUS. also like,,, uh if anybody on here did gossip on me,, send screenshots i’d love to see it.

Hello, just wanted to say your article was great. Thank you for taking the time to provide an unbaised answer. It should provide people with nuances they couldn't possibly conjure on their own.

May I ask where your username originates from?

yes you may (also thanks!!!) i thought it up when i was trying to find an original username bc i didnt want to be called like ‘timdrakes something something’ or ‘jason todd something smoething’ or ‘dick grayson something something’ yanno? so i thought batarangs, they sound so dumb and that’s my username story... now it’s my whole entire brand lmao.

yno that bit in kick ass where red mist asks kick ass if he wants a hit of his blunt, was that the inspo for stoner tim

no? it’s bc i think stoners are hilarious and drugs are great. (dont do drugs tho) 

How would u feel if someone actually wore one of those bruce or ollie pride shirts u edited

fenomenal next question.

Dick as lil huddy and Jason as James gave me radiation poisoning and now I’m screaming crying throwing up so thx for that

(Rico suave as Tim is perfect tho literally no changes needed)

i was so funny for that shit wasn’t i??? lmao i loved those weird ass fancasts

You're doing the Lord's work by providing us with all these Gotham/Metropolis citizens memes, thank you for being so relentlessly funny @nellethiel-aranel

you’re welcome!! i really enjoy making memes, but getting validation for my content and my memes is REALLY nice.

Bruce is such a slut in your memes and honestly i love that for him @rhodey-rhudert-rhodes-main 

he’s that much of a slut irl too dw.

Bruce and Alfred have an emergency pride flag for the batkids. Oliver Queen printed an emergency "I love my gay son" t-shirt and as soon as Roy told him he was dating Jason, Oliver started wearing that shirt everyday and Roy always cringes when he sees it. Oliver also has an emergency "I love my lesbian daughter" shirt just in case for Cissie.

lmao YES i had a post like this bc like all of their kids/family members are so gayy

stop bringing back batfam fancasts it is not real it is not real it is not- 😀😀😀😀😀😀😀😀😀😀😀😀��

oh yes it is my darling.

did discowing burn down the notredam because he hates the bees? @allulily

no he did it bc fuck the french.

im gonna beg for 1 thing and 1 thing only. please please please put physical by olivia newton john on dick's playlist

okay then beg. bc i wont. physical reminds me too much of glee and that hurts me mentally.

your playlist is sorely missing some Madonna. Specifically Into the Groove, Like a Prayer, and Vogue

i’m scared of madonna that’s why she’s not on there. she haunts me in my dreams.

suggestion: son of batman by aaron dews for dick’s playlist🤩

sorry, i listened to it and the vibe didn’t agree with me.

Hear me out, metropolis citizens sending rare pair fics of Clark Kent x Superman fics to Lois to edit

yes, absolutely hilarious. even more funny if they send like physical copies, no address attached and lois sends it back marked with red ink, SOMEHOW

Imagine all the smut Clark must of read editing the fics

clark reads smut confirmeeed

NOT LOIS READING SUPERBAT PORN AND EDITING IT A 2AM 

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

hc that alfred is a meta that boosts healing factor of the people around him. if the bats are injured as much as they seem to be they would be doing bat stuff MAYBE half the year. no one including alfred knows about this. whenever the kids move out they inexplicably dont recover from injuries as fast and feel better whenever they visit the manor they just chalk it up to homesickness. bruce just thinks he heals really fast. alfred thinks everyone doesnt take care of themselves properly @finchcollector

that’s actually such a great idea, but i think that alfred would find out and learn how to concentrate it better so he can help more people, bc he’s great and i love him.

One of your dickfast posts reminded me of that tweet that goes: 'so you've had sex how many times? Yeah technically that's not a bromance' lol that's dickwally or dickroy

literally tho. like that’s all of dick’s friendships. once it gets past a certain time dick is like ‘wow i wonder what it would be like to make out with wally, wally come make out with me’ and wally’s like ‘we’ve done this like 40 times, dick, you know what it’s like’ and dick is like ‘sorry are you complaining?’ and they just make out.

superfam and batfam associations??

-batman and superman

-dick/barabara and supergirl?

-conner and tim

-jon and damian

pls enlighten me I am confused

nope,,, uhm batman and superman, but dick and superman as well, and then conner and tim, jon and damian and steph + babs with supergirl

I came across a fic in which Wonder Woman calls Batman "Stella" (like Stellaluna, the children's book) and I can imagine the batkids hop on the trend and maybe copies of the book appear at random places (aka, everywhere Bruce frequents)

sorry can’t reciprocate that was the name of my high school chemistry teacher and it gives me nightmares to think about.

good human what are your pronouns?

wouldn’t you like to know?

I need me some gothamites preferring harley over joker memes

everyone prefers harley over joker youre just very fucked up if you dont

don't understand why people try to add like veteran policy to the batfamily

dick pulling out his veteran batfam member card so he can eat first: step aside, peasants

Do you know the song Simmer by Haley Williams? It (the first verse anyways) reminds me of Jason? It's about rage.

damn yeah i LOVE HAYLEY!!!! youre right thoo

Okay so I like listen to your stoner Tim Drake playlist 24/7 but would he listen to skegss? Also I keep adding songs mentally it’s killing me 😩✋🏼 Anyways,, I literally love and worship your playlist 😃🤞🏼 And uh yeah have a good day ✨

stoner tim drake playlist is lyfeeee. also dont know who skeggs is? i’m stupid? have a good day!!

All the Robins (and Batgirl) decide to trade costumes for one night just to fuck with Batman and all the villains in Gotham. @subspacecadet 

batman knows it’s them youknow but like,,, what does he call them? he’s like ‘red hood?’ and 3 people answer and he’s not about to compromise some identities so he’s just Pissed.

I aspire to treat cops the way my dad treats them. This man is a 45 year old Asian immigrant to the US and the treats them like his pets. He talks about them like unruly children. Sometimes he pays off local cops to shut up and stop acting racist. And usually it works. I don’t know why but I can see Oliver Queen doing this

vibes... and also yes? oliver queen handing a local cop a donut to shut the fuck up lmao. but yanno i commit enough crimes to not really want to ever see a cop ever, so they kinda scare the everloving fuck out of me.

seeing as tim hasn't aged in years, that means he was 17 at peak emo tumblr era. im back on my emo tim bullshit and im not letting it go

emo tim had a wattpad account send tweet

People seem to think that batman is so dark and serious when the rainbow batsuit is right there. He wore it with no shame.

dude the 60s were a DIFFERENT TIME

dick grew up in a circus, jason grew up on the streets, and tim was probably raised by the internet

all of them cuss every other word and you cannot tell me otherwise

bitch i KNOW but dc has to change to an 18+ rating if they want to sell comix with swear words in them so we gotta deal with imagining the swear words in ourselves

thoughts on teen titans and young justice

haven’t seen teen titans on account of havent seen it and young justice was LITERALLY my favourite thing ever, tho i do gotta admit it’s not at all similar to the young justice comics unfortunately. i really wouldve liked to see timmy bart kon cassie and cissie animated on tv!!

ew ew ew how to delete batcest shippers I genuinely digust them

log off tumblr?

Okay as poc who was called racist for calling an Italian pastabrain: in the batfam are Italians bit Damian just yells various insults about the others being Italian. Just him yelling “What are you doing you moronic spaghettihead!” At steph etc

huh? i meant real italians. homeboy is telling steph he hopes she chokes on her fucking garlic.

I think it's dumb as hell to pull the batman is the best fighter in the batfam argument because like it's just irresponsible of Bruce to let his kids fight when they couldn't possibly be on his league or something

fair enough, but also like who cares they could all kill you just sit down and take a beating.

lady shiva, thalia al ghul and Selina Kyle are all milfs @notanothertimburtonenthusiastugh 

unfortunately, i have to admit,,, you’re right

why tf didn't someone give joker a death sentence already? like he's a mass murderer...give him the electric chair treatment wtf

idk i think plenty of people would have tried to murder him already (boring answer is: he is a popular character so they can’t kill him off bc he brings in lots of money)

There’s no such thing as “ copaganda”.

all american media is propaganda. happy to clear this up for you

is it bad that I find lady shiva owa owa

no. find her as owa owa as you want.

aight I'm guessing the order of your favs in batfam:

1. tim

2. Steph

3. dick

4. Duke

5. the rest

you’re wrong but it’s cute that you tried, i generally don’t have favourites, but i have a special place in my heart for steph, tim, dick and cass. bc they were like my introduction to batfam. but damian, jason, duke, bruce, babs and alfred are NOT FORGOTTEN OR UNLOVED

oh my god i was literally just readily willing to believe that italians werent white ty for clarifying it was a joke im so dumb sdkvjskdfs

i mean some italians aren’t white? italian is a nationality as well as an ethnicity, so like ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

since I saw so many people doing headcanons about the nationalities of batboys, I see Dick as an Italian.

dont know if youre serious or not, but sure.

super random but

jason 🤝 damian

old english

lmao fair enough.

tim absolutely has 1 gay uncle and his parents shit talk said uncle all the time so after bruce adopts him he specifically reaches out to this uncle to be like "heyyyy just so you know you majorly influenced my life yes i know i havent seen you since i was 5 and at the family reunion yes i know you dont remember my name idc thank you im gay too" and then they never talk again.

yuppp lmao that’s definitely something that could happen. i can also consider tim having no family members, like none. until he does like a dna test and he realises he has like an aunt living barely 2 miles away from him who’s like some illegitimate child of his grandpa.

I dare you one of them sends clark superman/clark fic and clark corrects the shit out of it and then goes like ps his dick is not that big, just telling as someone who has seen it. internet either explodes or goes who tf did he not fuck at this point.

i think everybody would call clark a buzzkill and try to cancel him over that.

so you're telling me Tim Drake wouldn't buy Starbucks?

no. dunkin donuts all the way

One of my favorite things is imagining people finding out jason came back from the dead and being like "oh no does he have magic powers now?!?!?" and he just pulls out a gun and tries to shoot joker

now he doesn’t even have the gun :) lmao

my favorite batfamily fanfictions are the ones where they use their shitty codenames, unironically, in any context

bruce gets codename ‘ugh’ everytime. he hates it.

crazy that tim being a 17 y/o ceo and a stoner who does brand deals are all actual canon things written in detective comics comics and not made up for shits and giggles by you, tumblr user batarangsoundsdumb @rowdeyclown

SO CRAZY HUH?

batman au where everything is the same but his utility belt is bright pink

absolutely, but i raise you, his boots light up like sketchers when he kicks people.

unbeknownst to the superhero fandom writers in the dcuniverse, clark and BRUCE are one of the most prolific fanfic writers in the superhero rpf tag on ao3. clark writes the best lois x superman angst, full of unhappy endings and scenes that are a so detailed you'd think you were in the middle of a superhero beatdown. bruce made an ao3 account to fuel "the do the butts match" thing, and makes batman/bruce fics from time to time. he wrote a superbat fic as a joke but ended up making it REAL porny. @concrastinator

dude they’re WAY too busy for that. Oliver Queen and Hal Jordan on the other hand are the most prolific fanfic writers in the superhero rpf tag writing what is Mostly porn.

When the dining table topic gets to politics, Steph says "eat the rich" as the solution

bruce just silently takes away her fork and knife while she’s talking.