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#they are very special to me what can i say
lvminy · 2 days
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⋆ ACADEMIC RIVALS WITH SATOSUGU
mdni. f!reader, double p, oral both receiving, a couple spanks here and then, three way very messy kisses, mentions of reader drinking.
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“she really is pretty when she's quiet, huh?”
truly the urge to bite Satoru's dick off was strong with that sneaky and unnecessary comment of his. “fuck you” you tried to mutter, dropping instead some slurred babbles that resembled a couple words.
“hey, don’t speak with your mouth full, have you no manners?”
“Satoru” this time it was Suguru’s turn to cut the —most likely— never ending back and forth, feeling his body weight dig into the mattress behind your arched form, “although I have to agree, she really looks pretty this way” he finished with a light and playful smack on your half covered ass, adoring the sight of your skin jiggle and cheeks almost hiding the thin fabric of your panties.
the motion forced your body to lean further and, unavoidably, choke on the white haired man’s cock, using your nails to dig crescent shapes on the pale skin of his thighs that twitched slightly under your touch.
“is she wet?” Satoru groaned, humping into your mouth for a bit before leaning across your back, a single hand on the top of your head while the other pushed on your lower back, not giving a damn if you choked again.
“yeah” the other man chuckled, using a single finger to slide the thin strap covering your cunt to let his eyes roam across the dripping soft skin, “she really is enjoying this”
you wanted to complain, really, but the adrenaline and a single glass of alcohol —which you knew wasn’t to blame— pushed you into the current tricky situation, making you whimper Suguru’s name when his fingertips came in contact with your entrance.
“ha, are you going to keep talking?” you bit back, breathing heavily while resting your cheek on Satoru’s upper thigh, lapping at the drooling tip that smeared precum on your chin; yet he didn’t reply, instead, there’s a short laughter before his tongue licks a fat strip all across your slit, paying special attention to your clit before fully diving in, leaving a sharp smack on your ass that causes nothing but another wave of arousal to drip down your hole and into his waiting mouth.
“needy little thing” the blue eyed man speaks, grinning when your eyes roll back and get unable to properly suck him off, it amuses him, how the competitive girl who was always bickering with them over grades could turn into such a lewd state this quickly.
“pay attention to me” he mutters, annoyed but teasingly, slapping your cheek with the tip of his cock all through the slurping wet sounds the dark haired man makes, causing his dick to throb and drip further.
you huff, mumbling a “childish” under your breath before taking him in your mouth once again, bobbing your head up and down until you feel his balls twitch under your chin, your own moans causing waves of pleasure to curse through his whole body.
“good girl” he exhales, jerking his hips up in sync with your mouth, “gonna let Suguru fuck you, hm?”
you nod, giggling your hips in an attempt to chase back Suguru’s mouth that detached from your drooling cunt much to your dislike.
the sound of a zipper and shoes clacking against the ground are quickly followed by a pop, from where Satoru took his dick out of your mouth, leaving only webs of drool connecting your lips to his tip.
“think you can take me now?” Suguru speaks with what seems like a smirk on his lips, giving Satoru a glance for him to push on your shoulders until your back is flush against Suguru’s chest, knees bent across the man’s stretched out legs, positioning you right above his hard length.
“stop acting like you’re the best shi— oh” both men chuckle at your lack of words since the engorged tip of Suguru caught your hole and began to stretch out your velvety walls, filling you so deliciously until your ass was flush against his pelvis.
“we should do this more often, when you’re not trying to fight us, of course” Satoru says while climbing closer to where you lay on Suguru’s chest, cupping the back of your neck to position your head slightly to a side, “stick out your tongue” his voice is low and demanding, forcing you to obey before feeling his and Suguru’s tongues mingling with yours, licking all over the muscle and your swollen lips.
there’s drool dripping down your collarbone that Satoru is quick to catch, making you mewl his name at the same time the dark haired man starts to thrust up into you, his hips precise and strong, making his cock fill your hole perfectly each time you breath.
“don’t stop” you whine, arching your back for Satoru to bite and lick your nipples to his heart’s content, while at the same time, guiding his cock to slap on your clit, purposely jerking himself off with the up and down of your body with each one of Suguru’s thrust.
“she’s squeezing me so much, I'll cum soon” Suguru groans, digging his fingers on your hips to help you ride his cock, feeling his own high approaching soon before getting rudely interrupted by the other man pulling you out of him.
“its my turn then” he smirks, sitting on the bed before impaling you down his own throbbing length, using his hands to cup your ass and drag you up and down his cock at a rapid speed, leaving an occasional slap on your ass that will most likely leave a mark the next morning.
“fucker” Suguru mutters, using the mattress to rub his cock while laying down and attaching his lips to your clit, forcing an orgasm out of your body in merely seconds, screaming both of their names.
“shit! I'm so close” Satoru growls, stopping himself from filling you up with his cum and instead, pressing you down on the bed, using your ass cheeks to fuck himself and cum all across the expanse of your back, while Suguru took your mouth and stained your pretty dizzy face.
“this doesn’t mean we’ll let you get better grades than us”
“fuck off”
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tottentz · 1 day
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𓂃 ¡ #YOU BEGUN TO FEEL LIKE HOME ── honkai star rail ?! 🗯️‹3 𓂃 ˒ ʿʿ ❛ you taste like nectar and salt and apples ❜ 🗝 ﹢を ˒ㅤ
ֶָ֢⊹𐙚 WARNINGS ! gender neutral reader, reader is shy-ish, just tooth-rutting fluff drabbles, with a sprinkle of angst ( if you squint ), and ( mutual ) comfort, very to little mention of injuries on aventurine's, boothill's and blade's part, mention of sleep deprived reader, i don't specified any mental issues, but i do describe readers struggles which could be identified as anxiety. ♡ˎˊ˗
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jing yuan .ᐟ
"please, you can keep it."
jing yuan couldn't help but wonder what it was in particular that overwhelmed you... but then, he understands. couldn't stand being cooped up inside for everyone to gawk at.
"are you sure you won't miss in it at all? that's not to say i mind—i'd be happy to keep it."
a soft – ' ' uh - huh ' ' follows the gentle flutter of your ears , quiet gesture of reassurance that you are still listening very intently so. you are thoughful for a moment, nose scrunching as you pour your energy into trying to remember something.
but once your attention returns, it's with a solemn shake of your head. "general, i trust you would take care of it. it's okay".
his mouth open part to speak at least once, but he once more loses his thought before it catches on his tongue. how odd, for he is never had any problem finding a thousand things to say, even if none if it particularly made any sense.
"it's a music box," you tapped the box in jing yuan's hand, "i wanted to give you something"
eyes that glow a honey hue remain transfixed on you, investigating every detail of how you present yourself, "how so?"
watching jing yuan's shoulder go slack with the next chug he took, you hummed, "it sort of remains me of you"
it's the most lively you are appeared since he knew you, pacing back and forth, speaking through the previous sorrow to find something that fires you up. and maybe it's an easy way to get you off the topic of yourself, something you still finds no comfort in sharing.
jing yuan stared down at the box, then you. looking / longing / slipping like sand through his fingers. not anymore. not anymore.
jing yuan lunges── lunges for the familiar hand, heart freezing somewhere between his chest and his throat because— it was unintentional?
the feeling was familiar, one that he had organically all the time when thinking of you. it was the one that he shoved down over and over again around you, yet craved more than anything. and here you were, unknowingly returning it to him. you hadn't intended it to be shared and you had no idea you even did.
what could he say to that? when he's been in rhythm with you for so long── he can see the telltale cracks in your smile, now forcing his hands to twitch around the box. the consuming sensation was all of that goodness and more, it was hot, fiery as it ripped through him, completely unignorable. filled with relief and joy and love, the warmth of your embrace enveloping and safe. / — oh
it was you.
the moment he realized it, that all of that sensation was you feeling, something began to broil in the apex of his chest, rolling and all-consuming. the feeling washed over him again, equally as wonderfully crushing.
" it's surprisingly easy to tell you are different, after all. i mean── " a halfhearted wave at the walls warping around them, laughter present in his voice," not everyone can do this." a pause, a deliberate deliberation, before the master of masters continues." i think you're special."
oh, but he'd never be satisfied with that answer. maybe he's blown it already, so jing yuan continues, switching the subject / shifting his attention away, if only for a moment.
he reaches out to hold your hand, gently tugs you close and leans forward the phantom touch of warm skin beneath his fingers. and for a moment, he wonders how many hearts, indeed, were connected to you.
( where those connections might lead him── how vast that web could be── jing yuan reigns himself in as he'd learned, as he'd been taught. not yet. not yet.)
"come, dance with me. i have gone too long without dancing, and it is no fun doing it alone." such a delighted giggle to mirror yours, eyes glowing in an excitable manner.
"oh, i would adore nothing more than to dance with you." there is always grace in your movements, more so now as he squeezes your hand and bounces from one foot to the other in anticipation. "only if you promise not to make fun of me when i do not know all the moves–"
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aventurine .ᐟ
"i think you're kinder than you think you are,"
you say, and it's an unsettling statement but — but what else does you have to give him? She seems to wake up, a bit more. "i'm less lonely, since you came. that's kind."
aventurine turns away from you and your untouching hands, as if the honesty was too brutal to bear. perhaps there is some emotion left in him after all── the thought unsettles him. the thought disgusts him, but he says nothing of it.
"don't trip over yerself romancin' me like this, you are gonna make me blush. " still, playful on the surface though it may be, there's a decisive undercurrent of seriousness to his question – he's picked up in the months past that the subtle mimic is their way of acting coy. he expels a breath (making like he's sooo scandalized ), only to offer up a knowing smirk of his own in return, pitching forward in silent invitation. "if you really must know, i was hoping you'd make the first move."
"oh." it's a surprised sound. you turn towards aventurine, eyebrows scrunched like you don't know what to say / you don't know how to phrase it.
his hand twitches in your hold, but aventurine does not pull away, lets you examine his hand. "did you make the first move on this, too?. " the story of which, he doesn't know if he'll ever be able to tell. isn't it easier to shy away── switch the narrative? he's good at that. aventurine has always been disgustingly good at that.
" if i wanted something casual, i would run it by you a little sooner. didn't think this, " he flicks his hand– or rather, the distinct cut across his palm. another debt, another mission, it doesn´t matter, you never asked anyways. " needed clarification. i thought i was being obvious. " but he has to remind himself you hadn't actually seen how aventurine acts around others – nor witnessed how easily his boundaries are set. he continues, amending: " not playing around, officially. maybe i wanted you to crush me "
your breath stills, feeling the coolness of his hand brush alongside your skin... you dared to steal a glance, even if just for a second.
"crush you, huh...? " you take his hand in yours, soaking in every little nick and crack there was. his hands were rough, but never with you. you absently rubs you thumb over his knuckles, wondering where this confession came from. "i think having a crush on you is just enough."
the gesture of affection catches him by surprise / very little succeeds in taking him off guard, and he's startled out of his deep reflection with a jolt.
there's── such rage, in his chest, in every bit of his body. aventurine is angry, so angry, he feels like he'll burst. but you offered, smiling up at him with an expression that wiped any variation of the word "no" from his dictionary.
you gently trace over the back of his hand, half-lidded eyes unable to meet his gaze. it's the age old ache, too scared to share your stories... something you know all too well. you close his palm. "you can always tell me if it's too much. don't push yourself, 'kay?"
a chirping something, dulcet and winking; allows the endearment 'gainst back of hand with the way of firt times. there's a noticeable shift in the air, the entire mood of the atmosphere changes as a wave of warmth rolls over. quiet, stillness, all but for boothill who caused it.
aventurine watches── his hand relaxes into your hold minutely, but does not comment. unlike the burnt and healed flesh on your lower back, this, still, retains some sort of sensation. " alright, " he says, but there's the faintest glow on his hues. " as long as you don't push yourself either. "
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dr. ratio .ᐟ
veritas has a soft spot for you. implicit, but it's there.
veritas knows you need it as much as he need to know you're doing okay, because his obligation is to save you from the cause of your torment; yourself.
he's always subtle, silent; lets his hands communicate for him. veritas languidly reaches to brush the tips of his fingers behind your ear, momentarily tucking a lock of hair that would continuously unfold as if to spite him.
drool sheens the parted corner of your mouth, and your hair is akin to the mane of a lion's. you had told him you hate when he keeps staring while you are sleep, but he has to admit, the way he's seeing you right now is one of his favorites. his gape is pillared; fixated and immovable from your visage. veritas ratio finds himself enthralled with a work of art.
his fingers rouse through your knotted locks, thumb prodding into your temple and stroking soothing lengths into the dimpled flesh as you're muttering incoherent speech, and veritas finds himself amused again.
your slumped shoulders no longer quivered a while ago, but the needful grasp of your hands remained adamant as to maintaining a tight clench around his torso. he had sheltered you in his arms, devoid of warmth, his caress is cold. his wintry touch induces an outbreak of goosebumps, but the sensation eases the itch to your body, and the comforting chill is akin to balm.
you have yet to awaken, limbs wildly splayed as your temple nestles snuggly into his neck. veritas rests a heavy palm onto your crown, soothingly stroking his palm over your head as you sigh against his soft skin in bliss, already lost to a slumber he coaxed you.
his thumb trails along your side, and he doesn't hesitate his assault even when you grumble protests from your sleep.
"stop," you mumble, cheeks hollowed and lips ajar "five more minutes." you hardly discern his figure through your lidded gaze, but your skin singes where you maintain contact
hushed snores, faint and distinct, softly rumble beneath the tower of blankets where you sleep. you're snuggled impossibly close, temple pillared atop his chest.
right from the start, you knew veritas wasn't one to be overly physically affectionate. it's not that he hates it or is cold, he simply isn't used to it.
occasionally, however, he feels the need to be near you. loves the way you immediately step closer into his personal space and squeeze his hand back, not saying anything about this rare display of affection.
he's not easy to love, but he's worth the effort.
he loves so endlessly, with unfiltered promises of something that lasts beyond forever. he pays attention to every last detail, reads in between the finest of prints, his mind is always filled with you, from the bottom to the top, up to the very brim. his eyes miss nothing, and his intuition has honed itself to map you out in every way.
"don't be daft. some of us can't afford to slack off and forgo our regular daily structure." he says instead and watch, in amazement, your hazy, small smile. the defensive undertone in his voice almost makes you laugh again. is the same tone that people use when talking to four-year-olds. and a very familiar tone that means he's humoring you.
"but i can, see?" you whisper, with a cheeky grin in your face that tells him you are not sorry at all, before vertias stabs you in the liver with one of his unreasonably pointy fingers without even looking.
you wheeze before you could stop it. frown on your face, you clutch at your side. you are pretty sure this is what being shot by an arrow feels like. you try to you punch his shoulder as lightly as possible as you go, but veritas dodges you without blinking because he's actually an robot. you huff in complaint.
"do that again and i'm not coming near you for the next week" you croak before you manage to sit up ungracefully, forced to bend your legs in a way you're sure no human was meant to attempt.
"don't be so spoiled." he hums in appreciation, because he knows you are lying, so he extends his arms in your direction, and soon you were wrapped in his arms again, leaning into his chest.
the fleeting reaction bridged your skin as if wildfire. you have things to do soon, but neither of you made a move to pull away from where veritas protectively caged you. unconsciously pressing his hand on your back were your steadily beating heart is.
veritas has the incredible ability to squeeze into any space, as long as you are there.
his actions aren't fast, his hugs not the kind to be quickly dismissed. many of the times he lets you sink into his chest as he holds your waist with his free arm, pulling you as close as he possibly can. he makes sure that when he pulls away; he gets to see that dopey grin on your lips.
he has you, he affirms, right here. veritas has no desire to abandon his home in your arms.
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boothill .ᐟ
boothill tends to break.
a matter of fact. your mind had stored a quite lengthy recording of your own voice yelling afterwards. ("what do you mean boothill lost an arm!?"). the series would repeat until heavy exhales began to breeze past the split of your parted lips.
other times him successfully erecting a melodious laugh to befall your lips despite there's half of his body missing and you are borderline in tears, but all common human sense has gone out the window and died a sad death on the street below before a semi ran over it at full speed and that metaphor got gruesome quick, which means you have been spending too much time around boothill and his drama.
what else is new, though? other than boothill being romantic and, hell, boothill being romantic, without even meaning to be.
he carries your work stuff as insignificant as it could be, wrap an arm around your shoulder when you're cold, hovers you over his shoulder any time you are feeling tired (theres no need to), let's you cling to his arm (and feels so proud when you do), keeps an eye on you to prevent hostile glances, holds your hands from behind when you're trying to play with his gun, he is oh so careful whenever he wants to initiate a kiss and enfolds a hand around your neck and gentle pull in his direction before he lets your lips collide with his cheek.
you know he is romantic even when he thinks he's being so slick— so smooth doing that. he wants to think he doesn't look like it much, therefore he's very much in love with your physical affection. you had fixed boothill up with efficient, gentle hands. you'd done it all with a frown and no shortage of eye-rolling, but you'd done it.
but boothill is romantic where it counts, too. are the gifts pretty? yeah. do you look good in his clothes? you look good in everything. he's romantic, and it's because he thinks about you all the time. because you run around his mind, looking at him with both eyebrows raised everytime boothill abruptly discovers he's staring blankly at you with his mouth partially open and pressing a kiss to his jaw for good luck before a mission like he means something. he's romantic because he knows it takes work to keep you almost as much as you know the way he breaks.
even in the non-literal manner.
"somethin' happen" you whispered into the quiet room, silence present and actively eating away at your spoken acclamation "be gentle with yourself, you deserve better."
it could be accurate, considering the place was pitch black. you hadn't even changed your attire clothes, you couldn't even recall how long you laid on the couch of your house before losing consciousness and after feeling boothill heavy body looming over yours, nestled between your legs with his face in your chest and close to your heart.
boothill is huge, menacing and colossal, he could easily reduce you into a timid clump of cowardice that writhes beneath his hold, but you like it too, the weight of him over you is comforting. he is careful about crushing you, anyways. most of the time.
he growls, your heavy lids fought against the descending motion the soft rumbling that his chest made against your skin. occasionally, you would crack open an eye to peek at the time and perk an ear to listen for any indication he is having a malfunction. just in case. (what do you mean boothill lost an arm!?). your gaze travels from high to low, optics seeking a source to distract yourself from the weight of his awaiting stare.
"what do ya think i deserve, sweetheart?" his voice is slightly muffled againts yor skin. it makes him sound much more worn out, you guess. and somewhat mocking, in any case.
boothill never has efficiently voiced whatever nonsense clutters that tireless cranium of his, but he acknowledges your pain as his own. your lips drawn south, boothill drums his hand past your uniform and into the flesh of your waist, shrugging under the cold metal fingers with a gasp. he requires reassurance no more than you.
"c'mon, let me-" you tried to push yourself up using your elbows, but his palms are slide down to snug at your hips with an immovable weight, heavy and pillared, to prevent your escape, as if you though of leaving him.
"you're a little nuisance, aren't ya?" he rambled. spilling whatever random scene were to display beneath his eyelids. you had a sneaking suspicion that he was just about running on autopilot.
hitting your head in the cushions again, your hands meekly settled upon the length of his shoulders, eyes scarcely searching for vibrant grayish tones, split from his stare whenever he smugly simpered at your expression of coy.
you try to get up again, but he takes advantage of the opportunity and nestles his face into the delicate skin of the crook of your neck. it almost makes you giggle. one of his arms wraps around your waist a little tighter while the other skirts around your shoulders to cradle the back of your head. you smell of fresh cotton, vanilla, and mint, and boothill can feel his circuits go foggy.
your gazes don't meet- he doesn't want to be seen. he doesn't want you to see him. not right now.
yet you understand why, he doesn't have to tell you, either; because he feels so heavy like this that you can't bring yourself to care, so you keep your lips thinned and sealed, and instead you caress his back and hold him, patronizingly brushing his scalp.
the idea of it was hard to swallow, that you really and truly cared so much about him. but god, if he didn't crave it. if he didn't yearn for it with every bit now that he finally surrendered to it. it was easier to sink than swim, and you was a pleasant ocean to drown in.
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sunday .ᐟ
he knows how this works, half of the time.
you always greet him with a smile an sunday thinks it's his favorite way to start the night after a long day of work. regardless of how tired he feels, the moment you step into the room he starts looking for you. usually, he finds you lying in bed, just about to fall asleep.
sunday stands there for a moment, smile stretching his lips as he admires your beauty, before finally approaching you. takes your hand in his with such tenderness it brings a mirroring smile to your face. bows solemnly before you so he can press his warm lips to your knuckles, and stays like that for a moment. wordlessly. basking in the sheer devotion he feels for you.
"i missed you today," he mumbles as sits down next to you and leaves a peck on your cheek.
and like any other day, you bring his hand to your lips, pressing a kiss into the palm of his hand that lingers even when he moves his hand away, chuckling with fondness.
"i can tell," you whisper, and he involuntarily fumed each time you hold his face in your hands, palm resting on his cheek as your thumb traces little circles there. face flared scarlet and encased with a ring of heat, sunday's flustered disposition was hard to pass. his heart pattered at an unbelievable rate, and he was sure he had been painted crimson from the tips of his toes to the curvature of his round ears.
he could spend hours like that, just looking at you, committing your everything to memory so that when the night falls and you're not by his side, he can vividly reminiscent your hours together. sunday gulped away his nervousness, optics dancing around the room to locate a suitable distraction. he guaranteed he would lose composure in a matter of dwindling seconds. 
"you look tired." your  voice tickled his ears like the blown tune of wind chimes. when you wrap your arms around his neck and drag him to lie down next to you.
he was aware of how this worked. he has known you for years now, of course he knows what he's doing, but he can't help but play dumb when you wrap your arms around his neck and drag him to lie down next to you. his hand on your thigh. yor mouth had been moving, but no sound encountered sunday's auditory sense.
he jittered anxiously, bounding his knee from his wide-legged seat. he peered at the kneeled girl, eyes slightly unfocused and heart pounding no slower than it previously had been. [yn] hooked a finger towards herself, a coy smirk smugly pinned onto her crinkled cheeks. she swore she'd win again. she promised him another victory in her name before adjusting where she were, spine pressed to his chest and head snuggly lulled beneath his shoulder.
he was aware of how this worked, in the morning, in the morning he would get up early, only to have to say goodbye to your sleeping figure before facing reality, but success possessed scant significance to the enamored man. he since convinced himself that he has already won. content with the belief he had already acquired millions with you who lovably curled into his arms, his lids framing pools of fondness garnered by himself. defeat unquestionably withheld hardly any importance. sunday had achieved the trophy at the end of his own race; you amounted to no earthly claim.
and maybe it is scary / too scary to ever go through / too scary to ever allow to happen again. he doesn’t think you are fragile – moreso, he knows you aren't. can’t be, at least not in the ways humans are, and he also knows that this inhuman fragility that isn’t fragility at all is what drew him to you in the first place. it’s the closeness of you that undos him, ultimately.
he buries a his face into the skin of your neck, muffles the throatiness of it with an inhale as his hands seek purchase in the hook of your waist, palms coming to rest on your lower back, mapping out the jut of bone. you aren't fragile by any means, by any human means, so sunday is gentle with you in the ways humans can’t be, because while you aren't fragile – aren't , you deserve to know you are precious nonetheless.
your name is a spoken whisper followed by a controlled exhale—“welcome home. ”
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blade .ᐟ
blade likes to believe that, after all these years, he's grown immune to your charms and beauty.
he likes to pretend that his heart doesn't race when he sees your smile or hears your laugh, just the way it did all those years ago, when your love was just starting to bloom and everything felt brand new. that he doesn't feel like bursting into song whenever you say his name in that same tone that's always awoke the butterflies in his stomach and brought pure and warm devotion to his eyes.
it's become second nature to him.
still, there's only so much his poor heart can resist when you're looking so beautiful. he always fails, anyways.
the pitter patter of the rain does little to drown out the rapid beating of blade's heart, hammering against his ribcage and threatening to carve its way through his chest. there's nothing it can do to put out the flames you've lit in his soul as they continue to burn it all in their wake, until everything outside this moment, standing with you in the rain, his heart bared for you to hold, is reduced to nothing but ashes, a barren soil from which you emerge, a flower that blooms against all odds.
"you are staring." the way your laugh quietens down as you gaze at him, soft smile persisting in your lips, is breathtaking.
your eyes seem to shine in a way that has his breathing faltering; and when you lean in closer, he swears his heart is ready to burst out of his chest and into your hands
yeah, he is staring.
blade gives an audible hum, her eyes flashing with confusion and something akin to embarrassment. his mouth opens just a little. probably he wasn't specting you to come along. you suppress both a sigh and a smirk as blade looks the other way
at that, you raise an eyebrow. "your hand. do you not require assistance, blade?" your voice is nothing short of regal, and blade gapes for a second before she huffs.
"i can do this for my own," he says. his tone is reverent and wondering, and you has to physically clench your teeth to keep from sighing, again.
"it's more easy this way" you say as you hold out your own hand as an invitation, pulling an embroidered silk handkerchief from the sleeve of your outfit, blade glances furtively over at you.
he still radiates tireless energy, yet somehow, even so, you can feel that he is not mad or angry, is not truly irritated. he is mad, but only with himself. in his moment of thought, your fingertips wander and accidentally brush against blade's hand.
cool.
you almost jumps at the contact, but you are so well trained in the art of masking emotions that you do not so much as flinch. you carried on steadily cleaning the blood. blade, however, is an entirely different case.
he jerks, lips parting in question. "what are you playing?" he seems to choke, blinking a few times.
"is there a problem, bladie?" you asks- quietly, though. you cannot bring yourself to be firm right now, not when you are breathing the same air as blade and your fingers still remember the coolness of blade's hand.
red eyes bite into you, questions and bewilderment plain in them, but then he just shakes his head and growl.
"no, just finish already" the signs might not be all that visible to most people, but to you, they're instantly noticeable.
on his lips were words lost to time as his tongue sat heavy in his mouth, motionless and frozen as he couldn't grasp a retort that were sure to reduce you to a state similar of his own. you nod and thinks to yourself that blade really is like a lake, his emotions crystal clear on the surface in a way that belies a complicated, tangled personality. yet just one tiny pebble, one little act of kindness, can send ripples through him.
you hope you are the only person throwing pebbles into the lake.
there's a certain familiar tightness to blade's hand, the slightest tilt of vast irritation to his eyes. you can read him, all his little burning mannerisms, and you know at your core, blade is a raging, smoldering star, sweltering underneath the masks he's been taught are natural.
"can i kiss you?" you whisper, almost too low for hear. there's fire there, fire that's almost been smothered, but can be encouraged back to life when occasion calls for it.
it's there, it's real, and you knows it, although he doubts anyone else truly does.
gape descending towards the glossed mounds of your nude colored lips, blade anxiously swiped his tongue across his bottom lip, eyes flickering towards the fixed stare pinned onto his expression of desperation. your stoop depicted what desire you hoped to transpire.
blade breaths a heavy snort through his nose, shaking his head as if you should have known to take initiative. "if you don't, i'll do it myself." the sly grin that tugged the crinkled corners of his lips split into a smile, his healthy hand danced along the supple skin beneath the side of your jaw.
drawn in as if pulled by the magnetism of earth's gravitational pull, the couple tenderly press against the other, lips interchanging a delicate lip-lock as stars blinked at their action, the flittering of their various light raining upon them as if a smile from the aeons.
the glide of their lips persevered until they broke for breath. their chests heaved with exhaustion, but a contrasting expression of triumph remained in the shape of your smile, though something falters, sly smile slipping from your cocked smirk of feigned aplomb as your chest palpitated; skipped more than a couple of rhythmic beats.
"what-" it's at that moment, when you are thinking of a blade clad in injuries and spiritual pressure, that blade's hand brushes lightly against your spine.
warm.
you jump, startled beyond measure, and make a choking sound, as if you didn't seem to have noticed his trailing fingers.
"what?" speechless; at a loss, you suck your bottom lip between your teeths as you clumsily fumbles with your wringing hands.
blade gawps before he lets a low chuckle before he makes you sink into his chest, near to leaving you breathless. you had gasped as if stumbling upon treasure before you clumsily grips at his shoulders with a child's enthusiasm.
"this wasn't the point" you stutter inelegantly, and blade blinks with blank stare of melting ice and thawing snow. you can feel flames beginning to rise in your cheeks, and you swears internally."cheeky." you say, but didn't dare to move, snaking  an arm around his body and presses even closer.
he is okay, this gentle and soft thing, the featherlight feeling of being able to share your pain with someone who's a familiarity, someone who cares.
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argenti .ᐟ
argenti loves you.
in a tender (and embarrasing) way you couldn't hate; from the dopey grin, the biggest, happiest wave whenever he sees you from across the room, argenti is evidently smitten.
you already knew, sort of. he wasn't the subtle one, anyways. but you weren't the qui vive type either.
maybe it was easy, you supposed, to pick up on your mood as easy as it was to notice argenti's green eyes are much more brighter when the light bounces off him. he'll smile at you, soft voice greeting you. maybe he was just overly friendly, with the way he held your hand as though you're the center of the universe-and he's just some random dude caught up in your gravitational orbit. maybe you were a little too hooked up in his fondness that it hurts.
how he loves you, did everything he could to hear the sweet bells of your laughter and see your smile. how he hug you every single day, he emanated a sort of warmth that didn't feel artificial despite the armor, almost like an embrace that was only second best in comparison to one of the bear's actualhugs. the soft, constant ticking of his voice like a soft lull soothing you into a relaxed, sleepy state.
argenti never let you go home upset, and he always take the time you needed to be comfortable with speaking your thoughts. he knows the way you like your food, the music you prefer so he can hum them when you are feeling particulary nasty, the rose that you love and that he never forgets to bring you on each of his journeys. he knows everything, doesn't he?
"are you alright? you seem a little off. shall i escort you to a first-aid station?"
the voice echoes somewhere near inside your skull, and you snap. all hope for sweet words is thrown out the window entirely, blood thrumming through your veins like electricity.
you whip your head up so fast you could feel something cracked uncomfortably to see none other than argenti's soft, green eyes staring at you with something akin to worry. you hum quietly, slowly dragging your gaze to argenti's cheek.
"just peachy" you can hardly settle your nerves. you uneasily inhale and seek resolve, exhaling the timid emotion with a shaken sigh "you are ready to go. that scratch should not take long to heal"
you back off, the corners of your lips tremble, quiver and quake, as he lifts up. argenti has the ability to look so grateful even if you have only disinfected a scratch in a way you were lowkey successfully diverted every single time.
"i am... truly sorry. it appears it's it's time for my departure, but i would hate to leave you by yourself..." argenti's sad voice always makes you feel in a way that suggests you enjoy throwing puppies into traffic, and argenti was a particularly kicked one.
how a person could sound so apologetic is going to be your biggest question, (was it your fault?), but you don't feel out of place; you wonder if you're supposed too. you wonder it again and again.
"i'm feeling ansty, argenti. i'm not going to die or somethin', s'okay" you suck in a sharp breath when argenti's face went through ten shades of griefs in five seconds at the solely thought of you getting hurt. 
"still, i fear for your well being. i can stay with you as long as you need to." kind, glowing green eyes almost looked apologetic, only cementing the gnawing anxiety in your stomach. you chew the insides of your cheeks until it aches.
"would you?" you ask, trying to ignore the continual light shaking of your hands. you choke up as if displayed before a monstrous live audience, mouth dry and throat bobbing.
of course. obviously. you are his exception, to every rule he'd had made for, for every boundary that was so necessary to never cross. he is argenti, who calls you his rose in such a genuine, proud way that made you feel important, because he always mean it. argenti, who asks about your day but that's neither here nor there when he's looking at you like the moon. argenti, no matter how big and renowned and revered he becomes, he cares for you in every shape and form.
charmed and ensnarled, you made a motion for the man to lean over, which he obliged, and you hold argenti's face with warm hands, palms burning; hot and clammy as your racing pulse pumps wildly, resting on his cheek as your thumb traces little circles. he sighed of bliss, fluttering his lids as if his current placement had been an alleviation to any source of his conflicts.
his expression warmed your heart until overwhelmed. rhythmic pattering of his breath soothed the ache of your head, your eyes almost closed when he started raking his fingers along your own hands. you bring your face closer to targenti's until his forehead collided with your own. it's a kind of comfort, a subtle one, for both.
"it's okay. i need to get back to work and you spread beauty across the cosmos!" your mind run a mile a minute, but the smile hung from your lips didn't falter. argenti looks a little less torn, still holding concern in his eyes.
"i'll always be worrying about you, dear, no matter what..." argenti nuzzles his nose into your crown. "but i do trust you. let us meet up as soon as we are able to."
with a fluttering heart drumming within the swell of your chest, you tossed your hands into the air, throwing your head with a breathy laugh.
"sure!"
the man returned his smile as much as he was physically able to, then he made eye contact with you in front of him one last time.
"please promise me you'll be safe." his expression visibly softens at the contact, smile mirroring yours
"i will, i will."
with one last fond look, the man turns around, his soft, clanking walk following him as he went. emotions were fickle things, and only made a person unstable, irrational.
"uh-huh, and by the way, argenti!" you gulp when you find yourself center of his focus once his head turn around, but your gaze harbors riotous determination. maybe you just want to be irrational for once "i love you"
and he absolutely lights up. his smile is so bright it's nearly blinding, the vibrations of his own laugh almost feel like an earthquake shaking up your heart. and he opens his arms for you to jump in and tugs you closer so he can feel like you are the only one in the world, his whole universe.
"i love you too!."
you already know. and you feel so lucky for it
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gepard .ᐟ
you always look like hell. half of the time.
it is certain, considering that you have to try and survive after every day with four hours of sleep and a can of bitterly caffeinated jet fuel masquerading as coffee in one hand. sometimes, it's not always enough for your internal clock. 
but that is okay, reall,y. gepard is the coffee you need every night.
especially since the woman working alongside gepard had turned out to be someone your social relations skills could only describe as unpleasant.
especially since you tried to make her understand her advances were useless, the soldiers don't like her, anyway. first with a few exchanged sentences (she ended up spilling coffee to your face and leaving you dripping in the middle of the precinct). then with rather crude gestures of disfavor (which led her to the erroneous assumption that you were somehow envious of her).
it took a long while until you finally snapped and began sabotaging her actively. at some point, it even became more of an amusing pastime that kept your systems sharp and accurate, just like that one candy that keeps annoying bronya to no end because you become a hyperactive-mess.
yes, you exchange her perfume and filling the vial with aftershave, programmed her social media to change every single self-portrait into a prerecorded file of sampo's choice ("pick rick astley!"), messing up the files of smaller files since she hardly ever occupied herself with them, and was prone to making mistakes subsequently.
yes, they were childish pranks yes, you almost got suspended for a month and yes, "you had to pay compensation for the emotional trauma she went through", but selfishly, you were lowkey proud.
somehow, it was the perfect excuse to spend more time near gepard.
there's no one who can brings the light; hangs the stars and moons as if he were not an object of celeste himself other than him. he barely smile, but when he dies, his toothy grin is cheshire, widening and stretching his cheeks as if his elation were uncontainable; contagious.
gepard gives warm hugs and sways back and forth to make you feel better. every time, without asking. ( apparently he developed a sixth sense when it comes to you. captain thing. )
its the sort of problem he hates the most because its not one he can solve with his hands.
so he won't bring what upsets you and even avert his gaze from you, but he'll place his hand on yours, softly rubbing his thumb against your knuckles, and that's when you know it will get better.
he always makes sure, in any case. he hardly sees you during the day, so when he wraps his arms around you and rocks you side-to-side, it can last seconds, long seconds, until you are giggling and shy, and then he lets you go on with your day as if nothing. other times, at home, he likes to tap to whatever song you're listening to on your body while cleaning, or at least he tries to. the beat is always a little off, too fast or not enough; still, it never fails to bring a soft smile to your lips, especially if he's humming along to it too. sometimes you would brag him to dance along with you.
it's silly, most of the time you two bump into each other, but it never fails to cheer you up.
looking at your bright smile as you laughed at one of your own stupid jokes, gepard can't help but feel grateful that you're in his life.
the kids love you as well, even when you say you are not fond of children, as he sees it right now, you're still kneeling down to talk to them because gepard cannot come to a better response when they ask him how to become a captain. you let the kids put stickers in your face and doodle with markers into your arms. you're still laughling when you carry around a little girl like a princess even if you will have a backache afterwards.
a burst of fondness and adoration explodes in his chest, and when the kids leave, gepard is leaning down to press a kiss to your crown. is somewhat tender, the purest expression of his love he can muster. your eyes instantaneously descending towards your shoes as you could no longer hold his gape of admiration as he pulls away, and it turns into an embarrassed chuckle when you meet his face with sleepy eyes and smile.
"you are still here" he says, which it is a shame, as you can only see him between breaks and because you had to keep an eye over the helper.
"i am" you nod, holding out a lunch with one hand. "here, you forgot it."gepard can hardly keep himself from blushing, ocean irises soft and heart swooning as you laugh; seemingly initiating a commencing rise of the sun."did you do it on purpose?"
"i couldn't imagine it."he is suave and he is charming under this moment of vulnerability, under the split second he bares his heart to you, letting you feel his joy with him as his hand finds its way to your waist, holding you as if you were about to shatter.
and you let him, as always. you decided that this is where you'll stayー in gepard's hold, where the heat from his body completely enveloping yours is enough to hush your grief, in which you know you are going to be okay.
in the tiny space you've made for yourself, where you crouched to weep in silence alone, someone has intruded your circle, but it is someone who cares deeply. gepard knows of your pain, and somehow for now, that is enough.
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. ࣪✦ ៸៸ tottentz ▐ © 2024 、 ? 𓄹 ܵ ۪
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andvys · 11 hours
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Dancing with our hands tied | S.H.
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Chapter nineteen ⭐︎ For you, I would ruin myself, a million little times
Warnings: angst, mentions of unrequited love, mentions of loss, insecurities, allusions to depression, mentions of cheating (jancy), sad memories, fluff at the end (with Steve, yes)
Pairing: Steve Harrington x fem!reader
Summary: You take a painful road down memory lane and it makes you question everything.
Word count: 10.4k+
⭐︎ as always a special shoutout to @hellfire--cult thanks for plotting and writing with me hehe
Series Masterlist ⭐︎ Previous Chapter
“Are you ready to tell me or not?” 
You look up from your plate, still chewing on the pasta that Eddie had cooked, you put down the fork and reach for your pepsi as you look at Max who stares at you with a tilted head, a knowing smile resting on her face. 
You shake your head and furrow your brows at the girl, glancing at Eddie who looks just as confused as you do. 
“Tell you what?” 
Max picks up her garlic bread and shrugs, “about you and Steve and how you’ve been sneaking around behind everyone’s backs,” she says nonchalantly before she takes a bite. 
You nearly choke on your drink, eyes growing wide, matching the ones of Eddie who seems to be just as surprised as you are, he even stopped eating. 
You blink, trying to process her words. 
“W-What?” Is all that you can say as you stare at the redhead, like a deer caught in headlights and with a pounding heart. 
“You know, at first I thought Lucas was crazy for teasing Steve about you and making all those comments about how perfect you two are for each other, especially because Steve always seemed just as annoyed with you as you with him but then he suddenly had different reactions whenever Lucas said something about you and I noticed how red his cheeks got every time he looked at you all lovey dovey,” she holds her finger up, eyes growing wide as she pointing at you to stay quiet, “and then… and then! You both started disappearing at the same time and started whispering to each other, sitting next to each other when it’s something you wouldn’t have done before, not to mention the secret hand holding,” Max laughs, shaking her head at you. 
Your eyes widen at her ‘lovey dovey’ comment, hope that has been rising in you more and more, burning warmly in your chest but Steve doesn’t look at you that way, does he? 
Eddie stares at her, feeling impressed by her observations. 
Just like him, you feel impressed too, shocked and a little nervous but not scared the way you would feel if it were anyone else but her. She can keep a secret and she is like a sister to you – and unfortunately, sisters always know everything and uncover secrets without a struggle.
“I don’t know how the others haven’t figured it out yet, you two are so obvious,” she snorts, picking up her fork again, she stabs her pasta onto it, “just as obvious as my mom and your uncle,” she says to Eddie who shrugs and nods in agreement, “I mean… does anyone actually believe that he’s fixing our fence? The fence is fine! … They go to Enzo’s like every Friday night, by the way.” 
Eddie chuckles and takes a bite of his food, “it’s only a matter of time until you and your mom move in with us.” 
You expect Max to roll her eyes at him but instead she smirks, “yeah, hope you’re ready to become my personal driver.” 
“Am I not your personal driver already?” Eddie snorts. “I mean, you even got two personal drivers, didn’t you both go shopping this morning?” He asks, pointing between you. 
“Yes we did, and we were very successful,” Max nods. 
You aren’t surprised about Susan and Wayne, they’re truly very obvious and now you can’t help but wonder if you and Steve are the same, with the exception that you two aren’t dating… sadly. 
Max looks away from Eddie, returning her gaze back to you, “so when were you gonna tell me that you and Steve are a couple?” 
Eddie coughs, glancing at you sideways as he grimaces when he sees your falling expression. 
“They’re not a couple,” Eddie says for you, noticing the way your eyes sadden and your lips curl downwards at his words. 
Max furrows her brows, tilting her head at you and giving Eddie a look of confusion. 
“What–”
“Yeah, Steve and I are not… dating.” 
The past few weeks have felt like it though, it felt like there was something more between you and him, and after finding out that you have been the only girl for him these past few months, it started feeling even more like it. 
Max stares at you now, eyebrows pulling up and eyes flashing with even more confusion, “but… huh?” 
“They’re just having… uh… fun, Red,” Eddie chuckles awkwardly, scratching the back of his neck as he leans back in his seat, “you know… adult fun.” 
You roll your eyes at his choice of words, just the way she does before she gives him a deadpan look. 
“I’m not five, Eddie! I know what they’re doing but that makes no sense!”
“What doesn’t make sense?” You ask and reach for your drink again. 
She looks down bewildered, dropping her fork and waving with her hands as she points at you, “Billy had fun and you know how much fun he had!” 
You chuckle and nod.
“But he never held hands with those girls or looked at them like… like he was in love or something! He had fun and then he moved on to… the next… fun. It’s different with you and Steve though!” 
A sigh falls from your lips and your shoulders slump as you lean back. 
Yeah, of course it’s different with you and Steve, the difference between Billy’s fun and your fun is that he never loved any of the girls he had been with, you on the other hand, are sickly and madly in love with the guy you are having ‘fun’ with and you are pretty certain that Steve doesn’t feel the same, no matter what anyone says. 
Eddie glances at you, waiting for you to say something, to tell her the truth because he knows you will, you don’t seem to feel the need to hide from Max, knowing she won’t run off to her friends and tell them all about it and risking it reaching Steve, Max isn’t like that, especially not when it comes to you.
“It’s not, Max…” You sigh, looking down at your hands. 
She raises her eyebrows again, squinting her eyes at you. 
“So… you’re saying it’s actually just fun?” She asks like she almost wants to chuckle in amusement. 
You sigh again and raise your head again, rolling your eyes, “well… yeah… no, I– fuck… no, no it’s not just fun… not for me.” 
Eddie looks at you sadly, sighing too. 
“And Steve?” 
You shrug, despite the hope in you, you don’t know what he feels, if he even feels anything for you. 
“It’s just… fun… for him?” You mumble, flinching at your own words. 
“Uh… is it?” Max mumbles, not looking or sounding convinced.
“It’s what he said,” Eddie shrugs, rolling his eyes when he thinks back to the night he confronted you both, “and he seemed pretty set on it, he said it just that and nothing more when I found out about it.”
“Mhm.” You nod, hiding your face as you tilt your head down again, not wanting to show more feelings than necessary. “Can we talk about something else now, please?” 
Eddie nods, “sure–”
“No,” Max shakes her head, “I wanna talk about this!” 
“My relationship with Steve isn’t appropriate to discuss with a teenager–”
“Oh, so there is a relationship,” Max interrupts you, giving you a smug smirk. 
“No, there isn’t, you know what I mean!” 
She chuckles and crosses her arms over her chest, continuing to stare at you. 
“So… Do you love him then?”
Your eyeroll is enough of an answer to that question. 
“I knew it,” she murmurs under her breath, “and what about him, you think he doesn’t feel the same?” She asks, thinking that her own question sounds absurd, she saw the way Steve looked at you, multiple times already. 
“I know he doesn’t,” you shrug. 
“Why not?” 
“Because he hated me, Max–”
“Yeah, he obviously hated you so so much, that’s why you’re holding hands now and kissing every time you think no one’s watching! I don’t know about you but I wouldn’t hold hands and kiss my enemy… oh! Or look at them with lovesick smiles and everything!” 
You sigh again, tilting your head back as you look up at the ceiling. 
This isn’t good for you, it really isn’t, you don’t need to be fed with more delusions. 
“I think he feels the same, it’s pretty clear!”
“If it’s so clear then why isn’t it being talked about?” Eddie retorts, not feeling convinced of Max’s words, “why didn’t he say anything to change their relationship yet? I mean, he had no issue talking to his ex-girlfriend about his feelings for her when he knew she was with someone else! Oh and by the way, Nancy cheated on him and left him for someone else and he still confessed his feelings for her again… years later, he knew he would look like an absolute fool – which he did but that didn’t stop him! So what should stop him now, hm? He’s got nothing to lose with her!” Eddie points at you, “she never hurt him, she has no one else that he has to compete against, she fucking loves him! So him confessing his feelings for her wouldn’t ruin anything like it would have with Nancy or Jonathan if they reacted badly to his stupid confession!” 
You close your eyes and take a deep breath, ignoring the stinging in your heart. 
You knew all about his love confession to Nancy – their conversation in the RV was only the first step towards it. You remember the jealousy you felt when he told her about his dream, about the kids and the future he always wished for, you knew who he saw by his side when he talked about it all. To find out that he confessed his love to her in the Upside Down made you feel even worse,  especially when you were still recovering from all your injuries. Robin rambled away about it and told you every detail, you didn’t even ask for. 
Eddie’s words make your heart ache yet again, you know he is right, but they kill your hope a little and you are holding onto it so tightly. 
Max, on the other hand, refuses to agree with him, she squints her eyes at him, leaning closer to the table, “maybe he is scared, Eddie? Have you thought of that? I mean, the whole thing with Nancy was… a heat of the moment kind of thing, there was literally nothing between them but there is something between them!” She argues, pointing at you. 
“I have thought about it,” Eddie nods, “but if I feel like I might lose someone I love for not saying anything to them, I damn right would do something!” 
“I love him, Eddie,” you mumble, your cheeks heating up at your vulnerable confession in front of Max, “but I never plan on telling him how I feel, so…”
Max groans at your words and rolls her eyes, “two idiots, I swear to god, I bet Steve is feeling and saying the same shit to whoever else knows.” 
“Robin,” Eddie nods at her. 
Robin, yeah. 
Robin who is suddenly not as fond of you as she was before, rolling her eyes and scoffing at you every chance she gets, irritating you a little more every time you’re around her now. You considered her a close friend before she suddenly turned on you and started acting weirdly towards you. You don’t know what her deal is but you suspect that she minds your presence around her best friend, fearing that you might ‘steal’ him from her because he is spending less time with her and more with you – as though she wasn’t the first to ditch him to be with Vickie. 
“Great!” Max shrugs, “then why don’t you talk to her, try to get information out of her… since you two are accomplices?”
Your eyes widen and you shake your head quickly, turning to Eddie in panic, “please don’t! Don’t talk to Robin, Eddie! She’s gonna tell Steve and if he doesn’t feel the same then…” 
Eddie shakes his head at you, not needing you to finish the sentence. He reaches his hand out to you and squeezes your shoulder reassuringly, “I won’t, don’t worry,” he sighs, looking at you with sympathy in his eyes. He knows how deep your feelings are for Steve, how much you love him and how long you have loved him for already and now that you somewhat have him, you try to do everything to keep him, even when you are breaking your own heart in the process. 
He isn’t fond of this affair because he has an idea of how it will end and he fears that day, knowing what it will do to you but he can’t do anything to change it, he can’t save you from heartbreak, knowing it will happen sooner or later. 
You slump back in your seat, feeling pathetic for feeling this way, for holding on so desperately when there is only a small chance that there might be something and even that chance isn’t enough for you to go and find out the truth, not even when hope lingers in you after all the sweet moments you had with him. 
Max looks at you in a way her brother once did, when he found out the truth and realized just how deep your feelings were, back then already. 
You remember how the look in his eyes went from shock to confusion to sadness and sympathy. 
And you remember how awkward and embarrassed you had felt that night. 
It was raining outside, the windows were fogged and the smell of sex lingered in the room, you never knew what people meant by it when they mentioned that smell until that night. Your forehead was coated with sweat, your cheeks were glowing and feeling hot, your skin smelled like him, like his cologne and his aftershave, and your body felt different, not in a bad way, just in a foreign one.
You held the sheets tightly against your chest and looked out the window, watching as the rain paddled down the glass, a smile tugged at your lips and your chest wasn’t filled with sadness for once. 
“Hey,” Billy said and pulled your attention back to him, “give me a smile.” 
You turned your head to look at him, a giggle fell from your lips when you noticed the polaroid camera in his hands, his eyes were squinted and a smirk lingered on his face. 
“Seriously?” 
He took a picture of you before you reached forward and swatted the camera out of your face. 
Billy leaned back from you and held the camera away so you couldn’t reach it, he laughed at the bashful expression on your face.
“Need a picture of your special first time,” he joked and laughed again when you rolled your eyes at him and blushed. 
He took the picture out and started shaking it for reveal. He leaned back against your pillows and reached for his beer, drinking it while staring at you. 
“Well, we are not doing that again,” he said and you knew that it would’ve offended many other girls, but not you, because you felt the same. 
“Yeah, it didn’t feel right, did it?” You scrunched your nose. 
“Not at all,” Billy laughed before his face grew serious as his eyes roamed your face, “do you feel alright?” He asked in concern because he noticed how distant you looked, like your mind was somewhere else or with someone else.
He straightened up and furrowed his brows at you, “who are you thinking about?” 
You felt caught and you felt ashamed. 
You never admitted your feelings for Steve to anyone, they didn’t even make sense so how could you even begin to describe them? 
You looked down and closed your eyes, you pulled your brows together as though in pain and it only made him more curious.
“I don’t want to talk about it.”
“Why not?” Billy asked and dropped the polaroid camera and the picture on the mattress beside him. He placed the beer back on the nightstand and grabbed his pack of cigarettes instead, “is he ugly?” 
His question made you snort, you opened your eyes again and looked at his serious face. 
“No, he is not ugly, not in the slightest.” 
His lips curled downwards for a moment as he nodded, “do I know him?” He asked before he placed a cigarette between his lips. 
You only gave him a look and that was enough to confirm his question. 
He hummed and kept staring at you with a curious look on his face, he lit up his cigarette and threw the lighter on the nightstand, taking a long drag before he blew the smoke out. 
“I do, huh?” He chuckled and squinted his eyes at you, “are you gonna tell me or are you gonna let me guess?”
You smirked and shrugged at him, you held the blanket tighter against your chest and reached for the camera beside him, “guess, Billy,” you teased him as though your heart didn’t start pounding from all the nervousness inside of you. 
“Jesus,” he sighed in annoyance, “is he popular or a loser?” 
You shrugged and squinted your eye as you brought the camera up to your face and wasted no second to take a picture of him too, he didn’t seem to mind, not like you did. 
He started saying names, random names of guys you weren’t even sure went to Hawkins High. You kept shaking your head and saying no, you felt surprised that Steve’s name hadn't left his lips yet. 
“Huh, it’s not the drug dealer is it? What’s his name again?”
“Uh… You mean Eddie?” 
He nodded and pointed his finger at you, “yeah, him.”
You shook your head, “no, he’s cute but no, he’s not really my type,” you mumbled and sighed, “probably would’ve been better if it was someone like him, he’s nice, at least.” 
He hummed and stared at you, he fell quiet for a while and his face grew serious after a few minutes, then his eyes widened and he cursed under his breath. 
“Fuck… girl, please don’t tell me that it’s King Steve.” 
Your breath hitched in your throat and your face started burning beneath his gaze, you couldn’t stand to look into his eyes any longer so you broke eye contact and looked down at your hands in your covered lap. 
“Shit…” He sighed and slumped back, looking at you in disbelief, like you had fallen in love with his arch nemesis. 
“I know,” you mumbled in annoyance because you knew what he was about to say, “you don’t have to tell me how stupid I am, I already know that.” 
Billy stayed quiet for a moment and stared at the pained expression on your face. Yeah, he was about to say something stupid about Steve, about his stupid hair and your feelings for him but when he looked closer – and he knew you pretty well at that point, he could see just how much pain lingered behind your eyes, how glassy they got and how your bottom lip wobbled just the slightest bit. 
He was never the best with words and he certainly was never someone to give comfort, he didn’t even know how to, no one ever comforted him, only you did. 
He bit his tongue and swallowed the bitter words that were about to leave his lips. 
He opened his mouth but shut it again when he saw you wiping away a tear. 
Billy sighed and ran a hand through his mullet, he pinched the bridge of his nose and rolled his eyes at the thought of the jock. 
“It’s pretty serious isn’t it?” 
You only nodded and said nothing. 
“So… you’re like in love with him or some shit?”
“I guess so,” you whispered even though you knew for certain. “Feels like it’s tearing my heart apart or something every time I see him, every time he says something dumb to me.” 
“How…?” He asked and sighed again, “shit, I knew you liked him, you wouldn’t have defended him every chance you got but I thought you were just being nice to that fucker… Jesus…”
You shook your head again and slowly looked up at your best friend, “I can’t give you an answer, Billy. I don’t know how it happened, it just… happened. That’s gonna sound so cheesy but… when I first saw him I just… I felt safe and comfortable… happy. He smiled at me when he passed me in the hallway and I just – I don’t know, I can’t explain this feeling and it doesn’t matter anyways, he turned out to be a dick who hates my guts so… I’ll get over these feelings someday.” 
Billy didn’t believe your words and you didn’t either. 
You have loved him at first sight and that never changed or lessened, your feelings kept getting worse and worse and it made no sense because he kept treating you badly. 
You were infatuated with him, bewitched. 
You expected Billy to judge you but he didn’t, you thought he would say bad things about Steve but he never did, at least not when it came to you and your feelings for him. 
If anything, Billy encouraged you to act on your feelings, to get closer to him, to make a move and try. 
And you did, but it only made everything worse. 
And now, you stare at his sister and watch as she tries to do the same.
It went sideways the first time and you fear that it won’t go any different this time – yes, things have changed, you and Steve are something now, something you would have never seen coming a year before, especially after what happened when you did try to make a move on him. You just can not find it in yourself to even try, to gather all your confidence and use the sliver of hope to confess to him in hopes that he could feel the same, that you could be something more than what you are now. 
You can feel that things have shifted into a different direction, the softness in his eyes, his gentle touches and acts of affection are proof of that and still, you fear rejection and losing this because this thing between you is just too fragile, too easy to break and ruin. 
It’s not long ago that Steve couldn’t even bare to look at you without rolling his eyes or scoffing some cold words at you and you try not to think of them, to leave things in the past, to not go over his hurtful words again and again but something inside of you seems to manifest all the saddening and painful words your poor heart was attacked with in the past and you can’t fight off those memories, you try to but you can’t and it saddens you even more because the past few weeks with Steve, have been nothing but heavenly to you. 
You woke up in his arms every morning, he held you through the night, woke you with kisses and cooked you breakfast, he held your hand and treated you as if you were his, like you were his girlfriend and he your boyfriend – you got a taste of something you always craved and longed for and that should bring you peace, it really should but he is showing you, giving you something that you know he will take away again when the time comes. 
When you step into your house after dropping Max off at El’s, you make your way up to your bedroom and open your closet, looking for something comfortable to change into, when the navy blue color flashes in your peripheral vision. You grab a pair of your sleeping shorts and a random shirt of Steve’s, trying to ignore the dress that practically stares at you, forcing you to recall one of your worst memories. 
You clutch your clean clothes to your chest and take a look at the pretty sundress you bought at the GAP store when Starcourt mall was still intact. You reach out to touch it, pinching the thin material between your thumb and your pointer finger, a sad smile tugs at your lip when you think back to the day you bought it – just to look pretty for him. 
Your best friend kept encouraging you, filling you with hope that you could have a chance with Steve, that he wouldn’t say no to you if you tried to make a move, if you tried to ask him out, if you went after your feelings. Week after week had passed and Billy forced confidence onto you and pushed you towards a guy he didn’t even like. 
You kept denying his words, you knew you had no chance with him, not even after you graduated from high school, not even after Steve had changed and his mean words became less harsh. 
And yet, a part of you listened to Billy, that naive and hopeful part of you that really wanted her crush to like her back and give her the chance she always wanted. 
You bought a pretty dress, you got your hair done and did your makeup, lighter and girlier than usual, you put on your favorite perfume and jewelry and you decided to give it a try – you shouldn’t have, you should’ve listened to your brain and not your heart. 
The mall was bustling with people, kids were running around the water fountain, a group of young girls rushed past you, giggling in excitement as they carried their many shopping bags, you were standing in front of Scoops Ahoy, with your cheeks burning and your heart racing. 
In all honesty, you had no idea what you were doing, you came up with no plan before you came here, you just woke up that morning and decided that Billy was right, that you could take a chance and go after what you wanted – you had nothing to lose, except for your dignity. Besides, you were no longer in school, if things went wrong, you could easily avoid him.
You had taken a look inside, only a few teenagers sat by the window, it wasn’t crowded, not in the slightest. You saw him, he was standing behind the counter with his back turned to you as he was talking to his co-worker who spoke to him through the small window between them. 
Your heart skipped a beat when he turned to the side, a smile lingered on his face as he nodded along to the music that played on the radio. 
You could have still turned back, you could have still left without being seen, without having made a fool of yourself. But you didn’t, you didn’t turn around, you didn’t change your mind, you walked into your own demise. 
You took a deep breath and walked up to the counter, you twisted the ring on your finger and focused on him. He looked so good, even in his silly uniform, he looked so pretty. His sailor hat was laying on the counter and he was twisting the ice cream scooper in his hand, he only turned around when his co-worker, Robin, nudged her chin at you before she turned her back to him and disappeared further into the room. 
You blinked and breathed heavily as you realized that you didn’t even know what to say, you didn’t prepare for this, you were never good with words or conversing with boys, you didn’t know how to flirt – well, you did, Billy taught you, but you had never used your newly learned skill before. 
And when Steve turned around to face, it was too late to think of what to say, anyways. 
“Ahoy–” his cheerful words cut short and the smile on his face fell when he saw you, “oh, it’s you.” 
That should have been enough to change your mind, to make you turn back and run the other way. 
“Hi Steve.”
Steve’s shoulders slumped and he slid his scooper back into place, he put his hands on the counter and sighed. 
“Blondie,” he nodded. 
You were too nervous to see the way he looked at you, the way his eyes roamed your face and your styled hair, your glowing skin and your pretty dress, the way his cheeks changed color as he kept staring at you. 
“What can I get for you?” He asked and cleared his throat as he gestured to the many ice cream flavors. 
You shifted and tilted your head to the side, your hair fell from your shoulder and down your back. He looked again, at your exposed skin, at the dainty chain around your neck. 
“I uh… I’m… I don’t know yet,” you stuttered and felt yourself growing more nervous than before. 
Steve sighed and looked away from you, “of course,” he murmured under his breath. 
Your cheeks burned hotly, your eyes felt heavy and you looked down as you already felt the regret rushing through your body. You wanted to say something, anything, but all your words were caught in your throat, everything you would’ve said if he liked you a little more were stuck and frozen. 
You cleared your throat and took a deep breath, you looked at his face and wondered why you even let Billy encourage you and talk you into doing this. The few ‘nice’ interactions you had with Steve meant nothing. The smile he wore on his lips before could never be directed at you, the soft look in his hazel eyes disappeared the moment he saw you, the tone in his voice changed in an instant. 
“How are you…?” You asked, cringing at yourself, at the question, at the shakiness in your voice. 
He looked back at you and raised his eyebrows, an unamused chuckle fell from his lips. 
“What do you want?” He asked and shrugged at you, “we’re out of high school, we don’t have to see each other anymore and I know you’re not here for ice cream, you usually don’t have an issue making a decision, so why are you here, Blondie?”
You could not help but draw back as a cold shudder ran down your spine, you blinked and looked down. 
You missed the look of guilt that flashed in his eyes when he watched you step back and you closed your eyes for a moment, your brows scrunched together as though in pain. 
He was always this way, you knew what you were stepping into, you knew how he would react and you couldn’t blame him, you weren’t exactly nice to him in school and snapped back at him every time he threw a rude comment at you. 
You swallowed and took a deep breath, you looked back up at him, at the hazel eyes you always loved so much. 
Steve huffed and he took a deep breath, he stared at you intensely and you didn’t know what it meant, a part of you thought that it was his hatred, the other was foolishly hopeful. 
“Yeah… I know but I just… I thought that maybe we could,” you paused as your heart felt as though it was about to tear from your chest any moment. He looked at you so intensely, he made you feel so small beneath his gaze. 
“We could what?” He asked a little too harshly and made you cower back. 
“This was a bad idea,” you whispered to yourself and took another step back, “I’m sorry I just…”
“What’s up with you?” Steve mumbled and furrowed his brows at you, confused at the side of you he never met before. “Did you miss being annoying so much that you had to come bother me at work, Blondie?” 
You heard the teasing in his voice, you saw the sliver of amusement in his eyes but you really only focused on the way your heart clenched in pain and how regret took on full control. 
You rolled your eyes, not at him but at yourself, at your foolishness.
Of course he doesn’t want to see you, why would he? 
He never liked you and he certainly wouldn’t start now, he would probably laugh into your face if you asked for what you came for – a date. 
Your cheeks were nearly hurting from all the blushing, your heart was skipping and pounding, your hands felt clammy. You never felt the need to cry in front of him, you never felt vulnerable around him because your walls were always high up and guarded by a second layer, now you came without protection and decided to let yourself be vulnerable for once, only to feel like breaking down from the embarrassment that was gnawing at you. 
“Cat got your tongue? That’s new…” He chuckled and stared you down still, eyebrows still furrowed and lips pursed. His hardened expression fell a little and something else took over, something you couldn’t read. “Did someone stand you up?” 
Steve wasn’t used to your silence so you weren’t surprised about the confusion on his face. You looked at him again and caught him eyeing you up and down, his eyes lingered on your dress for longer than necessary. 
His question went unanswered and he grew frustrated with you. 
“Can’t blame them if they did,” he mumbled, throwing daggers at your heart. 
That stung. 
Normally his words would’ve angered you and you would’ve shot back straight away, despite your feelings for him, you wouldn’t have kept quiet or struggled to say something back but not today, today you let him hurt you – deep down you knew this would happen, this was always how you interacted, he said something mean and then you would too. His words were nothing new and yet they cut deep. 
You swallowed hard and dug your nails into your palms, your breathing quickened and you knew you had to get out of here but something kept you standing, you felt as though you were frozen. 
Steve coughed awkwardly and looked away for a moment, he grabbed his scooper again, “so… wanna eat your feelings or what?” He asked and pointed at the many flavors, eyes back on you. 
“No–”
“Hi, Steve!”
You nearly flinched at the high pitched voice and had to hold back the eyeroll when you saw the girl next to you, who didn’t bother to hide the dirty looks she gave you before she returned her attention back to him, flashing him a sickly sweet smile that made his eyes light up.
The girl used to be on the cheer team, very popular and gossipy, unkind and one of the most unpleasant people you have met – and she usually spends her Saturday nights in Billy’s sheets.
Steve’s eyes were no longer on you, instead they were stuck on the pretty girl beside you, he eyed her up and down, not with distaste or annoyance but with interest and a smirk on his lips. 
“Hey, how are you?” He asked and leaned against the counter, a flirty look crossed his face, “you look amazing, Olivia.” 
She giggled and twirled her hair around her finger, she licked her lips as she eyed him like she was hungry. 
“So do you.”
Steve smirked at her and chuckled softly. 
At that point, you didn’t know what you felt because your sadness ran so deep, you didn’t have it in yourself to feel jealous anymore. 
You just felt like a fool. 
And you felt angry, at yourself and at him for being so horrible to you. Olivia’s giggles did nothing to make you feel less horrible, like nails on chalkboard her voice was irritating you in the worst way possible, so before leaving, you turned towards her and when she met your gaze with a fake smile, you matched the look on her face. 
“Wouldn’t waste your time here, Olivia,” you said her name, mockingly and looked her up and down, not feeling jealous over the ugly sandals or the green skirt she was wearing. “He only flirts to pass time. Besides, isn’t that your boyfriend waiting for you?” You asked and tilted your head at the guy in front of the store, he was already glaring at Steve. 
Olivia clenched her jaw and glared at you, huffing in annoyance which gave you a little satisfaction. 
“Better not leave him waiting or someone might tell him what or who you do every Saturday night.” 
Her pale face grew even… paler and you couldn’t even bite back the smirk, despite the blow that was just delivered to your heart. 
Steve raised his eyebrows as he looked between you, he saw the way you blinked, fastly, he saw how glassy your eyes were despite the look on your face. 
You turned back to him and looked at him with a straight face, “you usually don’t mind sharing your girls though, do you? So… go nuts,” you shrugged before you turned around and walked away from him, not planning to look back. 
You should have, you should have looked back because then you would’ve seen the guilt in his eyes, the regret that crossed his features, the tension that slipped off his shoulders and the disinterest that took over for the girl in front of him. The sadness that flashed in his eyes for missing an opportunity, for letting you go like this. 
But you didn’t, you kept going and you rushed back out into the bustling mall, you blinked away the tears and made your way back home. You tore the dress off your skin the moment you stepped into your room. 
And you never wore it again. 
You roll your eyes at yourself for feeling pain for the girl you were a year before, for still hurting because of the things he said to you, for the way he looked at you, for the way he flirted with a different girl in front of you. 
The past doesn’t matter, it shouldn’t matter, especially not now, not anymore – not after what you have gone through together, not after he changed, not after he started treating you differently, not after all the nights and mornings you have spent with each other, not after all the gentle touches, not after the way he kissed you and held you close that one night, not after he called you late at night just to hear your voice. 
He is different now, you are different now, you aren’t the teenagers you were a year back. 
The past shouldn’t hurt. 
You slam the closet door shut and walk out of your room and into the bathroom, you start the shower, letting the water warm up while you take off your clothes. You feel frustration bubbling inside of you, the conversation with Max and her encouraging words triggered all the memories that you refused to think about in these past few months. 
The day at Scoops Ahoy made you sad and angry, it made you want to never see him again, you avoided the mall after that day and you didn’t see much of him after. You hated yourself for hoping, for going after your feelings, for believing that you could have a chance after Billy’s encouragement – Billy who pushed you away only a week later, with harsh words and a mean look on his face, he pushed you away when you needed him the most and you felt alone again, so alone. At that time, you didn’t understand why he did it, why he didn’t want you in his life anymore, you didn’t know that he was just trying to protect you from the upside down, from himself. 
And then he died and you lost yourself completely. 
You drowned your sorrows in alcohol and kissed the lips of strangers, you let them touch you in hopes that you would feel something, you woke up in their beds and hated yourself after because no matter how good they were to you, how nice the conversations went, how much they made you laugh, how nice they made you feel, they couldn’t make you forget about the friend you lost, they couldn’t make you forget about him, they couldn’t give you what you wanted, what you needed, what you longed for. 
You searched for glimpses of Steve in every man you kissed and you hated yourself for it because you wondered why you even felt that way for someone who couldn’t even stand you, who hated you with all his being. 
What made you fall in love with him? 
What tied you to him the way it did? 
Because he never gave you a reason to fall in love with him back then, he treated you unkindly from the moment you met and yet you couldn’t help your feelings, you couldn’t help but adore him, you couldn’t help but admire him. 
You even felt your own heart break when you found out about what Nancy did to him, how she broke his heart so carelessly, how she cheated on him with her friend. 
And you felt it break even more when he still wanted her, even after everything she did to him, he loved hard, just like you did, like you do. No matter what she did to him, he still loved her. 
And now, you can’t help but ask yourself the question that you have always avoided. 
Does he still have feelings for her? 
You wonder if he still wants her, if he still wishes for a future with her, if she is still the one he craves by his side. 
He doesn’t look at her the way he used to, not anymore, he doesn’t seem sad around her the way he did after she rejected him and yet, you still wonder, if you are just someone he passes time with while he hopes that she might change her mind in the future. If you are the person he finds comfort in because he can feel that you love him the way she never did.  
Are you the replacement? The filler? 
You feel yourself crashing, the water feels hot on your skin but you feel the shudder running down your spine, the goosebumps that rise on your skin make you shiver, your throat tightens and your eyes blur with tears as your heart clenches in your chest. 
You wipe your tears in anger even though your whole face is wet from the water pouring down on you, you turn off the water and open the curtain in anger, you reach for your towel and wrap it around your body. 
You wipe the fog off the mirror and look at your reflection, at the marks on your neck, at the tears running down your cheeks. 
Are you stupid for crying when you knew exactly what you were signing up for? 
You always knew what this was to him and you were satisfied with it because you just wanted him, no matter how, you wanted him and you got him. 
But you can’t stop your heart from aching because somehow, you fell even harder for him and you can’t stop from hurting when you think about what you are to him and what you might never be. 
Just sex. 
A friend… nothing more than a friend, that’s what he said, you are just a friend. 
The confidence that only started growing inside of you not too long ago begins to crumble and you don’t know how to stop it from falling apart. 
You close your eyes and take a few deep breaths, trying to calm your racing heart and the thoughts that drive you mad. You take a look around, at the things he left in your bathroom, his toothbrush next to yours, his body wash and shampoo in your shower, his Farrah Fawcett hairspray that no one can know about. 
Would all this be here if you didn’t mean something to him? 
Would he have made space in one of his drawers just for your stuff if this meant nothing? 
Would he have let you in if he still wanted someone else? 
Does he even still want someone else? 
You huff in annoyance for letting yourself fall into this spiral of overthinking. You feel as though all these questions come to haunt you for pushing them away all these weeks and now you feel a headache coming and you grow irritated with yourself and with your insecurities. 
You shut them down as best as you can and busy yourself with other things, you moisturize your skin and blow dry your hair. You put on your fresh clothes and comb through your hair before you leave the bathroom, it’s much darker in the hallway than expected, the grayish clouds hide the sun and the sound of thunder rumbles in the far distance, drops of rain already paint your windows. 
Goosebumps rise on your skin and an unsettling feeling sinks into the pit of your stomach. You feel the cold wind on your exposed skin from the open window in your bedroom, you make your way inside, pushing the blowing curtains away as you reach forward to shut the window. 
Lightning surges through the sky, deep purple colors flash in the darkening clouds far away. You would’ve felt your heart dropping by now if you didn’t notice the burgundy car parked in your driveway, the door opens and he steps out, a second later, a brown paper bag in his hand and something tucked beneath his arm, he shuts the door and locks it, wasting no time to find shelter under the roof on your porch as it starts raining harder. 
Instead of dropping, your heart skips a beat, forgetting all about the pain it just felt from the saddening thoughts in your mind. 
Through all your overthinking and pondering, you forgot that he was coming over. 
You shut the window and rush downstairs, opening the door as he rings the doorbell for a second time. A frown lingers on his face but it disappears when his eyes lock with yours as soon as you open the door and a smile tugs at his lips instead. 
“Hey Blondie,” he breathes and rushes inside when you step aside to let him in, “looks like the end of the world out there.” 
“Hi…” 
You close the door and lock it before you turn around to face him. 
Steve kicks off his shoes and throws the movie tapes that were tucked beneath his arm on the counter where you keep your keys and sunglasses, he puts his keys into the little bowl and then he steps towards you and reaches for your hand, he pulls you towards him and takes you by surprise when he leans down and smacks his lips against yours, kissing you shortly. Greeting you with a kiss, something he had never done before. 
Your eyes widen a little and your throat tightens for a different reason now, you stare at him, unable to hide the surprised look on your face. 
And Steve, he furrows his brows and his smile falls a little, not because of your widened eyes but because of the glassiness in them, he frowns as worry swirls in his chest. 
“Hey,” he murmurs and lets go of your hand to cup the side of your face, letting his thumb linger on your cheek, “is everything okay?” 
You blink. 
Your heart jumps at his action, at the question, at the concern in his soft brown eyes. You breathe in deeply, you open and close your mouth a few times, unable to find the right words. 
You didn’t cry all that much, it’s not so visible on your face, is it? 
“Did something happen?” He asks, a little softer this time. 
You shake your head, “n-no, I’m fine, just tired, I’m probably coming down with something…” You lie. 
“In the summer?” 
You force a smile and look down, shrugging, “guess I’m not that strong…” 
“Well, then let me take care of you,” he whispers and caresses your cheek. 
You wonder if he knows what he does to you with such words and actions, you sometimes wish he knew that your heart leaps every time he does such things, maybe then he would take pity on you and not fill you with so much hope, even in your worst moments. 
You nod at him and let him take your hand back in his, he gives you a sweet smile that nearly makes you crumble. 
“So how was your day?” Steve asks as he tugs you along with him and leads you into your kitchen.
You swallow the lump in your throat and shrug, “good, I went shopping with Max and then we ate lunch with Eddie.” 
Steve smiles at that, he places the brown paper bag on the kitchen table and turns to face you. 
The soft look in his eyes and the smile on his lips makes you feel guilty for the thoughts that rushed through your mind just moments before. This side of him is the only one you have known in the past few weeks, the gentle and sweet side you never thought you’d ever get to see. 
“I got us dinner, burgers and fries but I got the fancy ones from Enzo’s,” he chuckles and lets go of your hand, stepping away from you and towards the sink. “Did you find anything?” He asks as he runs the water and uses the hand soap you always leave in your kitchen to wash his hands. 
You furrow your brows at his question, feeling a little lost and confused. 
“Hm?” 
“When you went shopping.” 
“Oh.” You nod your head, you went back to the jewelry store to look for new rings and the necklace you fell in love with but it was already gone, it would’ve looked pretty with the dress you picked out for Joyce’s and Hopper’s wedding. “Yeah, I finally got a dress for the wedding… oh and shoes… and makeup.” 
Steve smiles fondly when he turns back to you, “what color is your dress?” 
“Uh, it’s black,” you say and walk over to the fridge to grab a drink for you both, “sounds boring, right? But it’s really pretty and I got some pink heels to go with it.”
“It doesn’t sound boring,” he shakes his head at you and carries two plates to the kitchen table, “besides, you look gorgeous in anything.”
You freeze. 
Your eyes grow wide and your cheeks start burning. 
Gorgeous? 
He surely never called you that before, especially not after greeting you with a kiss on your lips. 
“T-Thanks, Steve.”
He hums in response and you look back at him to see him placing the food on the plates, putting more fries on yours than on his. His brows are pulled together in concentration, his lips pressed together, his hair looks a little messed up from the wind but he looks so cute like this. 
And you can’t help but think of how intimate this all is, him kissing you after walking in, him asking you about your day and the color of your dress, him plating your dinner.  
You can’t help but hate yourself for all the overthinking and reminiscing of the things that happened in the past. 
You close the fridge with a sigh and make your way back to the table, placing the coke in front of his plate. 
“Thanks, Honey.”
You give him a smile and sit down across from him, looking down at the delicious food in front of you, “I’m horrible, you always cook for us or order something and I never do anything.” 
Steve shakes his head, glaring at you, “you’re not horrible and that’s not true, you cooked breakfast and dinner before.” 
You pop open your soda can, “yeah, I made french toast and sandwiches.” 
“Yeah and it was amazing, now shut up and eat your dinner, kid,” he says playfully, his eyes glinting with amusement when you laugh. 
You push your hair out of your face and pick up the burger, unaware of the fond smile that tugs at his lips as he watches you take a bite. His eyes roam your face, your eyes are a little red and he can’t help but think that you lied to him about feeling sick, you look fine, you just look a little… sad and it makes him feel upset because he knows that you won’t talk about it, especially not with him but he wants to be there for you, he wants to give you a shoulder to cry on, to lean on, he wants to give you comfort. 
He looks down at the shirt on your body and when he recognizes it, his eyes lighten up and warmth blooms in his chest, it’s his shirt. 
He bites back the smile as he looks down and starts eating too, welcoming the comfortable silence between you as the rain paddles down the windows, the thunder still crashing somewhere, far away. 
You flinch every time a loud crash booms through the sky, it’s nothing new to him, he noticed it the very first time it happened. Every time the sky turns a little darker and the wind picks up, you fidget and get anxious. He wonders if it’s a fear you have taken with you from the upside down or if it is something that accompanied you before, he never dared to ask before. 
Every time he showed up during a storm, your eyes were filled with fear and your hands were shaking. You would relax and calm down a few minutes after his arrival, his presence seems comforting to you and it’s why he rushes to get to you every time he sees the dark clouds and hears the thunder. 
“Hey Blondie?” 
You look up at him through your lashes and raise your eyebrows, “yes?” 
“Can I ask you something?” 
You put down your burger and reach for your drink, nodding at him. 
“Have you always been afraid of storms?” 
You seem to be taken aback as you stare at him and blink, not moving or saying anything just yet and he fears that he crossed a line. 
“I just, I noticed that you flinch at every crash.”
You always tried to hide your reactions, not wanting to seem scared or weak, and usually no one ever noticed things about you that you didn’t want them to see but Steve seems to see right through you. 
His hazel eyes aren’t filled with judgment or amusement, just with curiosity and… a hint of concern? 
You take a sip of your drink and sit back, relaxing your shoulders as you look into his eyes. 
“Yeah, I just, I guess it got stuck with me from when I was a kid,” you chuckle and roll your eyes, “I know, embarrassing right?” 
He shakes his head and frowns, “no, not at all.” 
“Honestly, it wasn’t even that bad when I was a kid, it got worse when I was a teen. My parents would go on these business trips sometimes and trusted my sister to look after me but she used those opportunities to go hang out with friends or go to parties or whatever else she was doing,” you explain, not looking away from him, “and I hated being alone, it probably didn’t help that I watched horror movies every time I was alone.” 
Steve chuckles at that, though he can’t help but feel sad for you. 
His parents left too, hell, they still do. To know that you were in a similar situation as him when you were younger fills him with regret, knowing that he could have been there for you and you for him, if he just wasn’t such a dick to you. 
“I just always got so anxious whenever I heard the howling wind and the loud thunder, it felt like the fear paralyzed me in a way… I don’t know, does that even make sense?” 
Steve nods, “yeah, yeah it makes sense.” 
But now he wonders how the hell you jumped into the water to save him, after everything that you had been told about the upside down, about the storms, about the monsters, you still jumped into the water when he was pulled under. You knew what was waiting for you on the other side and you still did it. 
“B-But how… I… the upside down was filled with storms?”
You would’ve jumped into a hurricane if it meant saving his life. 
“I wasn’t going to prioritize my fears over your life, Steve.”
Steve feels a little stunned, he knows how paralyzing fears can get, how they can hold you back from everything, but you, you didn’t care about your fears, about yourself, knowing that it could’ve ended badly for you down there, you cared more for him than you did for yourself, even when he was nothing but an asshole to you who treated you like shit. 
If he knew you, the real you, he wouldn’t have been so harsh to you, he wouldn’t have been so… cold. He would have never said a single bad word to you but he thought you were cruel and he thought you hated him so he gave you a side of him that didn’t even exist, it was an act, nothing more, nothing less and he regrets it more than anything. 
He regrets every word he said to you before this. And he feels as though he doesn’t deserve this, you, not even in this way, not after everything he said to you and about you. 
He wants nothing more than to take it all back, to make it up to you. 
And as you sit there in front of him, with red rimmed eyes that prove that you have cried before he came here, he wants nothing more than to pull you into his arms and apologize, over and over again.
But instead of doing that and risking making you uncomfortable, he slides his plate closer to you and changes seats so he is right next to you, he ignores the confused look you give him and the question you were gonna ask before he grabs your face and kisses you, making you gasp in surprise. 
You melt into the kiss quickly, despite the confusion that lingers in you. You place your palm on the side of his neck and kiss him back softly. 
And just like that, your worries and your anxious thoughts fade away into nothing, his touch, his kisses, he makes you forget about all the sadness that gnawed at you before, for a moment, they don’t matter and they won’t be back till later. 
For a moment, you’re allowed to feel hopeful and confident again. 
When his hand finds your waist and his lips move slowly and softly with yours, when he hums into the kiss and pulls you closer, when he makes you feel special. 
Steve’s eyelashes flutter when he pulls away and opens his eyes again, smiling softly as he pecks your lips once more before he moves back, like he didn’t just steal your breath and made your heart pound wildly. 
“What was that for?” You breathe. 
“To calm you down from the storm,” he shrugs, chuckling at his own words. 
“Why do you think a kiss would calm me down?” 
“I don’t know, I read it in a magazine,” he lies and looks down at his food with rosy cheeks and a sheepish smile. 
A giggle falls from your lips.
“Right,” he nods and points a finger at you, still smiling, “it’s scientifically proven that kisses help with the distraction.” 
“Mhmm,” you hum and nod, “right, totally yeah.” 
Instead of tears, you’re biting back a smile now, falling right back into the state you are always in when you’re around him – into bliss. 
You continue eating and you ask him about his day, you push your plate towards him, sharing your fries with him once he practically inhales the ones on his plate. He keeps on talking, the whole time you sit at the kitchen table you ate your meals alone at, he tells you all the gossip he’s heard from Robin, keeping you entertained and making you giggle, making you forget about the raging storm behind you or the pain you felt before, he makes you forget about everything. 
And you thought this would be like any other night you spent with him.
But it wasn’t.
Steve didn’t sleep with you that night, and you didn’t initiate it either. The storm was at full blast over your house, and Steve made sure to have the TV at full volume when watching the movies he stole. He mentioned Keith was busy trying to talk to a female customer and he didn’t even look at Steve when he shoved them down his shirt.
You laughed with him, giggled, and – are you the replacement? Are you really? Or are you actually in his heart?
The past tells you that you are the filler for the holes in his heart, but the present– the present tells you otherwise. It tells you that there might be a chance. His smile tells you that he likes spending time with you. The frown over his eyes when something happens to you tells you he is worried for you. The way he is possessive over you tells you that he considers you his. 
Is it foolish to believe in the present? Is it foolish to simply forget about the past? Is it foolish you cannot and won’t let go of him? Is it foolish to simply love him, with no reason at all? 
And you just know… that Billy never once said it was. 
Billy who wouldn’t want you to give up. Billy who wouldn’t want you to go back into the past. Billy who would want you to keep living in the present. Billy who would still encourage you if he were here. Billy who helped you pick that dress at the GAP to shoot your shot that day at Scoops.
Billy never gave up on your love for Steve. 
You shouldn’t either.
And you won’t.
tagging friends and mutuals
@prettyboyeddiemunson @taintedcigs @mysticmunson @corrodedcorpses @maroon-cardigan @thecreelhouse @ibellcipem @joekeerysmoles @munsonlore @sherrylyn0628 @munson-mjstan @agirlwholovesrockstars @moon-flowerrs
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daenysx · 11 hours
Note
imagine giving james a skincare sesh where reader is seated comfortably (on his lap ehm) and he lets her put all sorts of moisturizers, face masks and even lip balm on him and he secretly LOVES it and after they eat homemade cookies and watch their comfort show
thank you for requesting!! i had so much fun writing this, it's my skincare routine applied to james. i guess that means he's literally my boyfriend now (support my delusions please <3333) you can send me requests for james!
james potter x fem!reader, fluff
"are you ready?" you say, grinning. you carried most of your skincare essentials to living room, ready to give your tired boyfriend a nice spa day.
"yes." james walks out of the bathroom. "i washed my face."
"with the cleansing jel?"
"yes, baby." he sits on the couch next to you. you place yourself on his lap expertly, his face looks dry and clean. you lean to give him a kiss on his cheek, james settles down on couch with his back to pillows.
"okay." you say, clapping your hands. you're excited to give him a nice treating, he deserves all the best. you've never understood how boys have clear and smooth skin naturally, james certainly doesn't use as many products as you do, but he lets you do anything you want to him. skincare is like a therapy for you, quality minutes you spend on yourself. it's relaxing, taking care of your body without a single thought in your mind, you want james to experience it, too.
"let me just pull your hair back first." you say quietly, using tiny hairclips to secure his curls.
"why are you whispering?" he asks, whispering.
"i wanna create a relaxing ambience for you." you answer. "whispering is a part of it."
"oh." he teases. "okay."
you take your face toner in your hand, pouring some of it on a cotton pad. "close your eyes, jamie." you say, start applying it on his skin.
james relaxes into the pillow, his hands keep you balanced on his thighs. he likes how excited you get to take care of him, he likes being spoiled by you. your fingers are gentle on his face, almost invisible.
"now i'm gonna put on a face mask, handsome." you say, tearing the package of the mask. "it can feel a bit cold."
"that's okay." he mumbles. you place the mask on his skin carefully, adjusting the sides to cover his entire face. "what does this do?"
"um," you read the package. "it's for hydration mostly, and it has vitamin c in it."
"cool." he has no idea what vitamin c does for skin.
"we're gonna wait for 15 minutes." you say. "can i massage your hands while we wait?"
this must be some kind of special heaven for james. he gives you his hands blindly, you put on hand cream on the back of his hands and start rubbing it nicely on his skin.
james sometimes complains about how rough his hands feel, he washes them a lot and always neglects applying moisturizer. the cream feels good, like he has the skin of a baby now. you're being really sweet on him, he likes the way his muscles loosen up under your fingers.
"you're an angel." he says, a deep sound coming from his throat when you press a tight spot between his thumb and forefinger. "my fucking angel."
you smile, giving the same care to his other hand. james feels his hands go numb when you're finished. you clean the remnants of the cream on your hands before taking the mask off his face. "there you go." you put the used mask aside. "feels good?"
"i feel like a baby."
you laugh. "you're gonna be like a baby when i'm done."
it's a nice promise, james likes it very much. "i'm gonna apply some under eye cream now." you whisper. "you have no dark circles, i'm so jealous."
"it's because i actually have a sleeping schedule, lovely girl." he smiles. "something you lack, you know."
"hmm."
you massage his face a little bit before applying some moisturizer. you don't think any more products are needed for james, his skin is already perfect and the mask takes care of a lot of things. you want his face to be relaxed, so you keep your fingers on his cheeks. he smiles a lot, there are little lines on the corners of his lips and eyes that start forming. you can't help yourself, you kiss his lips softly. he immediately reacts but you pull yourself back, focusing on your work.
"what's the point of relaxing if i'm not gonna get a kiss?" james frowns.
"you'll get your kisses." you promise. "when i'm done."
applying moisturizer is so easy, his skin is glowing now. you make sure you cover every little spot on his face. "it smells good." he says. you nod even though his eyes are closed. "it really does." you say.
"and now," you put the cream away. "lip mask."
"lip mask?" james opens his eyes. "how will i kiss you if i have something on my lips?"
you laugh at his dramatics. "it never stopped you before. you always ruin my lipstick, remember?"
"not the same thing."
"come on, be a good boy for once." you tease. james parts his lips in shock. "once? this is a vile accusation."
you stop him, putting on a tiny bit of lip mask on his lips. he presses his lips together clumsily. "it tastes nice. is that strawberry?"
"you're not supposed to eat it!" you laugh. "leave some of it at least."
"mm, okay." he says. you fix his hair, and put a kiss on his cheek. you hand him the remote before leaving his lap. "i'm gonna bring you some cookies, can you pick a show?"
james nods, watches you clean up the mess through sleepy eyes. his skin has never felt this soft, he wants to pinch his own cheeks. he opens up the show you both like as he waits for you.
you come back with a plate full of cookies. james pulls you into his lap again. "i'm gonna eat just one." he says smugly. "i can't ruin my lip mask and i don't want crumbs on my face."
you laugh. "you're getting really good at this skincare thing."
"thanks to my angel." he says, he kisses your cheek three times. "i love you so much."
"i love you, too, baby." you say, your hand in his curls. "i can do it anytime you want."
"good, because i don't think i can go on without this anymore." he says like it's so obvious. "now, i remember i was promised kisses."
you settle down on his lap. "i don't wanna ruin your lip mask."
"it's not ruining, babe." he disagrees. "i'm willingly sharing my lip mask with you."
you laugh until your chest hurts.
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maybe-the-problem · 2 days
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Fantasy for tonight😋
I'm kind of a snoop, honestly. I like looking through other people's things, even though I know it's rude. But it's so much fun to see what kinds of things I can find! It's less fun to find my mom's collection of sex toys, even the meager pickings I find making me blush. It's only some dildos and a couple of vibrators, but it's still embarrassing. Still, one of the toys catches my eyes. It's a dildo, which must be over eight inches long. It doesn't look like it's very high quality material wise, but the details are really realistic, thick and veiny and a nice weight in my hands.
I steal it.
It's so gross, to take a sex toy from my mom. I know it is, I'm a bit disgusted with myself, but it's just so tempting for some reason. And it sits in my drawer, under my pajamas where I keep the rest of my stuff for three days until I work up the courage to use it. I'd been edging for over an hour, so I just say fuck it and slide it right in.
It's perfect.
One thrust has me almost seeing stars, every ridge and bump stretching my virgin cunt so deliciously well, curving just right to hit the special spot inside of me that makes my toes curl. I fuck myself with it until I cum untouched, and then I keep going until I can't even think. It's like I'm addicted immediately. It goes back in my drawer, and it doesn't take long until I'm using it every night and most mornings when I have the chance.
After a few months of this, I'm looking through some old photo files on my mom's computer when I find something that makes me freeze. It's a picture of a home DIY dildo kit, the kind where you make a copy of your man's cock out of plastic. It's the same color as the toy I stole from my mom. Heart beating faster, I check the next picture and it's a video of them laughing while they try to unmold the toy. So...
I've been.
I've been fucking myself with a copy of my daddy's cock. I've been cumming every night for months with a plastic replica of him shoved into my dirty little pussy, biting back whoreish moans the whole time. I should get rid of it. Clean it off and put it in the back of my mom's closet or something, never touch it again. But I don't do that. I keep it, and it's even more addicting than it was before. I shove it in my cunt, my mouth, my tight little ass. I can't get enough of it.
Maybe one day I'll get the real thing <3
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bcacstuff · 15 hours
Text
Yes She's BACK!
First things first, thank you all for all you did, for all your support in this weird situation, it's very heartwarming to see you do not only appreciate my blog, but also reach out and take action when something like this happens. A very huge and special shoutout I absolutely want to do is to my friend @brian-in-finance who after some notified her took immediate action and posted a post asking to join in contacting support and reactivate my blog! Love you all!
🧡🧡🧡🧡🧡🧡🧡🧡🧡🧡🧡🧡🧡🧡🧡🧡🧡🧡🧡🧡🧡🧡🧡🧡🧡🧡🧡🧡
It was all very weird and strange, never happened to me before anywhere or anytime. But yes, as you all saw all of the sudden my blog was completely vanished.
So what happened?
I don't know! I'm still in the dark. I was logged in all the time and posted as you have seen over the day/evening. I was chatting in DM to people and all of the sudden - POOF - I was out. Upon refreshing I needed to log in again, wasn't really alarmed about that, that happened before but when I tried to log in I got the simple screen saying my account and blog was terminated and a link to contact support to know what the cause is. 😳
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So I clicked the link and it took me to the support request form, I filled in all the details, clicked sent.... and .... nothing happened 😔
I waited a bit, normally you get a confirmation email when you sent in a support request through the form but... nothing 😔
I tried to sent another one but I couldn't even click the sent button anymore... Tumblr didn't like me anymore? 😢
Fortunately I could reach out to a few people outside Tumblr who then took action and they kept me posted about things. At some point I could see the post and all the comments and reblogs you all did and the many saying they contacted support requesting to reactivate my blog. Of which I'm very grateful, truly so nice and good to know of all of you. I know many readers appreciate my posts with verifiable information, the diversity in comments even though sometimes some have some issues with the more extremes (on both sides). But I also noticed how a lot of people who do not agree with my views on things commented, reached out and said how this is not what they wish upon me. Yes, I even now heard in DMs Purv reached out to BIF and said so!
And today, as suddenly as my blog vanished, it's back. Nothing, not a blip from Tumblr as to why or what happened. Nothing at all! Just back again 🤷‍♀️
Thank you, if anything I can do is go on with what I have always done! I surely will and you're all welcome, agree or disagree I don't care! You all showed you compassion, your respect as an adult well thinking human being! 🧡
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Something I can not say about this other group of people, who immediately jumped to conclusions accusing me of all kind of mischief, well now that must be the reason. Cheering upon things you don't wish someone when you have a rightful mind, even if you disagree. That's plain pathetic, it shows your true colors, your inhumanity, your childish vileness in all the colors thinkable but mostly very gray and dark.
Things that happened to yourself, where nobody here on this side said these vile things when it happened to you. nobody in my inbox cheered on nor in my DMs and I never wished it upon you. Yet you are cheering as if karma did its job.... well here you are, within a day it's all back. Don't you feel stupid about all the things you said now? And how to explain now I must be a PR plant and things are dropped into my inbox?
You know what, you all that did so are the smalles people in the world and can all crawl back in your tiny shitty stinking holes deep down in the earth and let this things sink in:
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Thank you all, soon I'll resume with the latest I found out (nothing bad 😉)
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veliana · 2 days
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Hi!! I love your work and this is my first time requesting.
If you can, can you do yandere Rook (TWST) with an S/O who thinks they’re really ugly?
Either way I hope you have a good day/night :3
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A/n: Thank you for the request, I was very inspired <3. You didn't specify the format, so I did it in the form of headcanons, I hope that's okay Tw : Low self-esteem, yandere behavior, possessiveness and obsessive behavior, surveillance and control, social isolation, veiled threats, manipulation, disturbing behavior, excessive jealousy, self-doubt, themes of coercion and control, toxic relationships, use of a translator Reader : Gn
You have always had low self-esteem, convinced that you are truly ugly. The comments of others and your own reflection in the mirror only reinforce this feeling.
Despite this, you have caught the attention of Rook Hunt, the mysterious and charismatic hunter of Pomefiore. Rook has fallen deeply in love with you, fascinated by your inner beauty that you yourself do not see.
However, his love for you has taken a dark and possessive turn. Rook began to compliment you almost excessively, his poetic and enchanting words trying to convince you of your beauty. "Ah, my dear, you are like a rough diamond, dazzling despite yourself," he would often say.
He watches your movements from afar, protecting you from the slightest criticism or mockery. Anyone who dares to speak ill of you mysteriously finds themselves excluded or sidelined, sometimes even disappearing.
Rook often leaves small gifts and admiring notes, poems, and flowers in your locker or on your desk. He hopes this will make you see how special you are in his eyes.
Rook becomes increasingly possessive, ensuring that you spend as much time as possible with him. He invites you to secret dates, getaways in nature where he can admire you without interruption.
He has a way of subtly manipulating others to ensure you have no close friends. You start to notice that people are distancing themselves from you for no apparent reason, except for Rook, always there to console you.
His language becomes more intense and a bit frightening at times: "I will not let anyone tarnish your beauty, no one understands how precious you are to me."
You have difficulty accepting his compliments, thinking that he is mocking you or that he is blinded by something you do not see. "You say that, but I know you can't really mean it," you often murmur in response.
Rook begins to gently isolate you, surrounding you with his love and obsession. He tells you that he is the only one who sees the real beauty in you, that others are blinded by superficial standards.
You begin to doubt your own perception. Maybe Rook is right? Maybe you are beautiful in his way? Rook does not hesitate to use veiled threats against those who might potentially harm you or come between the two of you. "No one loves you like I do, and I will do anything to protect you," he says, his eyes shining with a worrying intensity.
His fits of jealousy become more frequent. He follows you, ensuring that no one gets too close to you. It becomes increasingly difficult to find a moment of solitude.
Despite everything, he continues to adore you, repeating how magnificent you are, hoping that you will eventually believe his words and accept his unconditional love, even if it is tinged with madness.
You are trapped in a whirlwind of his excessive attentions, his sweet but suffocating words, and his possessive desire. Rook is determined to keep you by his side, to prove that you are much more than you think.
No matter the means, Rook will do everything to make you see what he sees: a person of unparalleled beauty, worthy of his consuming and delusional love. And he will let no one, not even you, stand in his way.
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daisybianca · 1 day
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pairing: Lewis Hamilton x femalereader
summary: Lewis proposes in a special ceremony—and it’s dirty
warnings: mentions of sexual activities, slight jealousy
(a/n): this is written from Lewis’ pov cuz I love my man obsessed
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I MIGHT BE the filthiest person in her life right now. The dirtiest one, with the most disgusting thoughts about her. Do I care, though?
Absolutely not.
Will I let another man touch her?
Hah. Funny enough.
Because when this night is over, a ring will be circled around the fair flesh of her finger. And my initial will be curved into it. I’m sure of it.
My fiancé soon-to-be has chosen a red, long dress that hugs her curved body for tonight’s ceremony. I can see my parents eye her across the ballroom.
Our names are written on tonight’s sky. Mine and hers. The night is ours. And it’ll not be over until we say so.
Y/N appears at the very top of the stairs and her father rushes by her side, helping her to walk towards me. Reaching for her hand as soon as she reached the last step, the crowd ceases clapping.
I take her hand in mine. It fits perfectly, as always. She fits perfectly. Her body against mine. Her smart brain along with mine. Her eyes on mine.
Everything is perfect because she is a part of it.
“Lewis…” She approaches me and I can detect a particular glimpse of something in her beautiful eyes.
I curl my lips in a smile. “You’re the most beautiful woman in this room.” I say. I’m positive that everyone’s eyes and ears are focused on this moment. On us. “Probably in the entire world.”
She manages a smile, even though I can tell she’s nervous. About a hundred or so people have been gathered by me and her father to celebrate this day.
Three years ago, when the date was the same as it is this day, I met her.
Three years later, I’m marking her as mine. Officially, at least. Because I made sure she knew—and everyone else around us—she’s mind since the very first moment.
“Don’t be nervous, baby,” I push her towards me gently and cup her reddened cheeks with my hands.
Across my thumb, her initial is written on the surface with bold ink.
My hands are hers to use. Hers to lick. Hers to fuck. I wanted her to know that.
I turn around and smile at the guests. Toto gives me a reassuring father as he drinks a sip from his wine next to my father.
“Let’s dance,” I brush my lips across her ear, starting to make our way to the centre of the room.
“Lewis, you know I can’t dance in these shoes.” She lifts her right leg just a few inches and waves her dress so I can take a glimpse of her white heels.
I make sure to keep my tone quiet. “Y/N, I’ve seen you pole-dancing in stripper-heels.”
Her face turns into a darker shade of red. Her hands feels cold. Sweaty.
I don’t want her to fucking feel like that on a day as special as this one.
She has to calm down. And I’m the one obligated to make her do it.
I brush her long hair and press pecks on her temple, cheeks, lips… I stop on the neck because it’s a soft spot for me. Can’t let myself lose control in front of all my relatives, friends and coworkers. It’d be such a pity to grab her and take her to the closest room and ruin such an event.
I being a glass of red whine for her knowing how much she adores it. My hand never leaves her and I can tell that as the minutes pass, her breathing feels steadier.
One hour goes by.
Two.
It’s ten past something and about time I…
“Ladies and gentlemen.” I let y/n’s hand and climb on the stage, rolling the sleeves of my white shirt as I do so. “Thank you for attending tonight’s ceremony, to begin with. It is a special day for us and we are very pleased to share such a great moment with the people we love.”
The crowd above the stage claps, I can even take a glimpse of my dog, Roscoe, swirling around in Ricciardo’s embrace… everyone is overwhelmed and that brings a smile to my lips. But nothing compares to the burning sensation in my chest.
I don’t know what it is. But I know it’s a good feeling. I also got it the first time I met y/n. Or when I asked her out. Or when we first kissed or made love.
“I would like to invite my beautiful woman, y/n…” I control myself not to exclaim “fiancé” or “wife” instead of “woman”. I’m not hesitant to go on. “…on this stage with me.”
The people go thunderous and I help y/n to walk the few steps on the stage.
We arrive at the centre of the stage and the music stops.
All the lights on us. Everyone’s eyes.
It feels magical.
I look up and find the most beautiful pair of eyes I’ve ever seen already fixed on me. She’s smiling. It’s contagious so I grin as well. “Y/n…” I start but a voice interrupts my words.
“Go on one knee!” I identify Toyo’s voice in the first row as I reach for the velvet box in my pocket.
“On one knee!” Yells my father and then the guests go crazy.
I turn to my woman and smile. “Don’t ask me to go on one knee.” I say.
“As long as you don’t ask me to get on two knees.” She replies in a dirty voice, leaning towards me.”
“Baby, I want you in all for.”
She smiles again but no one hears our conversation. They still yell for me to propose on one knee.
Fuck. I’ll have to do this.
I grab the box tightly in my hand and do as asked. I get on my knees.
In front of my woman. The woman of my dreams.
I’ve been on my knees in front of y/n countless times before, but for educational purposes only. Nothing like this.
I raise my eyes. She’s crying.
I hold onto her hand. “Y/n…” I start. “Please make me the happiest man in the entire universe and accept this proposal.” I think my heart is going to explode. “Will you please marry me?”
The crowd erupts in a chaos of applause and I find myself trapped in her eyes. I expect her to say the word first, but she doesn’t.
She melts into my hands and buries her small face in my neck.
This has to be the most beautiful moment of my entire existence.
She’s crying and I think I am too honestly. “Yes, yes, yes! A million times yes, Lewis!” She almost creams and between tears, I grab her face and unite our temples. I apply a kiss on her mouth. It’s gently at first but then I can see her craving for more.
When I let her lips to catch my breath (I actually remembered that we are not alone, but in a room with our closest people and if she went on I would without hesitation forget their existence) I look into her eyes. I grab her delicate hand and take the ring out of the box.
It fits perfectly on her finger.
I look at her again and murmur, “Perfectly fitted. Just for you, baby. Just for my wife.”
••••••••••
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elvensorceress · 2 days
Text
sunday sentences
tagged by @inell @firefighterevandiaz @tizniz tagging @eddiebabygirldiaz @spotsandsocks @chaosandwolves @hippolotamus @exhuastedpigeon @diazsdimples @confetti-cupcake @kitteneddiediaz @bekkachaos @the-likesofus @lover-of-mine @hoodie-buck @fiona-fififi @thekristen999 @daffi-990 @dangerpronebuddie @monsterrae1 @wh0re-behavi0r more Unless. Buck and Chris being menaces to each other. As you do.
Buck doesn’t want to know. He’s trying very hard not to know. Eddie wants to take him on a special, official date and he wanted it to be a surprise, so Buck is not snooping. Even though the suspense is killing him. He’s not going to ask and he is not bugging Eddie about the weird research that Eddie said he needed to do. And Buck is most definitely not going to give in now at the last minute when he’s driving Chris to his bimonthly sleepover with his group of friends. 
And Chris tells him, “I know what Dad’s planning. I gave him the idea.”
Buck grips the steering wheel and doesn’t fidget and will not ask for any details. Except surprises are stupid when he’s not the one orchestrating them and what are they going to do? What is Eddie planning? Why does he have to be so secret about it? Why can’t Buck know now? It’s not as if he won’t know later tonight. 
And now their son wants to tempt him into an interrogation and Buck is not going to give in. He’s not. Because word would get back to Eddie and he’s sure Eddie would be disappointed and Buck is not going to disappoint him. 
“Yeah?” Buck says as if he doesn’t care. He doesn’t care. No, he does care what it is but he is not going to ask for details. Not. He can wait. It’s only a few more hours. He’s waiting. He can do it. “Do you think I’ll like it?”
“It was my idea! Do you think I’d give him a bad idea,” Chris gives him a side-eyed look, and Buck has to laugh.
“No. Of course not.” Buck just wanted to know without actually knowing. 
Although it doesn’t even matter what the date is. Being with Eddie, his best friend, the love of his life, spending time just the two of them, that’s all that matters. They could be sorting through trash or hiking through the sewers or wading the nasty smelly sections of the LA River, and it would still be something they get to do together. Not that any of that sounds like Date Night fun, but still. They could complain and laugh about it together. He loves when Eddie gets snarky and salty and makes hilarious comments. 
Eddie’s so funny. And he’s so fun to be around. And Buck loves experiencing everything with him. 
“Do you know what it is?” Chris asks. “What Dad is planning for you?”
“Nope,” Buck holds up a hand like a stop. “Don’t want to know. It’s a surprise.”
“You’re not curious? Even a little?”
Buck bites his lip and it’s a trap. It’s such a trap. The child is amused because he knows Buck wants to know. He knows. But Buck is not going to know. He shakes his head and forces on a mild, unbothered face and doesn’t look at Chris. He is looking at the crosswalk coming up and the people standing at the corner on the sidewalk waiting and Buck stops at the intersection where the people are probably walking to the park that is on the other side of the street so that they can do park things there. He will not look at Chris. He’s driving. He’s watching out for pedestrians. He doesn’t want to know. “No. Not curious. If you picked it out, it has to be something good.” 
“Maybe,” Chris says. “I could have picked something bad though. Something you hate. Like when we got Dad the Hildy coffee maker.” 
Buck grins. That was a good one. Still one of his most favorite memories, teaming up with Chris that way. He only wishes he could have seen Eddie’s face in the moment. Only thing that would have made it better. “Yeah. You could have,” Buck agrees and two can play this game. “But no matter what it is, your dad is a hopeless romantic and he’s going to be incredibly sappy and mushy and he’ll kiss me and hold my hand the whole night and nothing could ruin that.”
Chris makes a gagging noise and sticks out his tongue like he might throw up. “You’re worse than the kids at my school. Both of you. Aren’t you sick of it yet?”
Buck laughs. Chris only mentions this every other day. As if Buck would ever be sick of kissing Eddie and getting to be in love with him. “Never gonna happen. Sorry, buddy.”
Chris huffs and rolls his eyes and at least it effectively ends the conversation about the date Eddie is planning for them. 
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sandra paños' farewell statement
"well, good morning and thank you to all the people who are here present on such an emotional and special day for me. first of all, i wanted to thank the club, the board of directors represented by xavi puig and the sports director marc vivés for giving me the opportunity to say goodbye here today. as i said many months ago, this is my last season at the club. i came to barça in 2015 thanks to the assistance of xavi llorens and i will always be very grateful to him for having trusted me.
if i look back and stop to think about everything we have experienced and achieved in this time, i think it has been an extraordinary journey that i could not have imagined even in my wildest dreams. barcelona has been my home for nine years. i arrived with great desire and excitement to take on the world but also with the respect of coming to the best team in spain and to what could become the best team in the world.
i believe that i have grown a lot both in sports and personally, i have lived a barça life full of experiences and i can say with my head held high that i have given everything for this shield. i am leaving in peace with the tremendous pride of having been one of the captains of this extraordinary team that never tires of improving itself and i have no doubt that you continue to do so. with the satisfaction of the work done by everyone that has led us to achieve many successes. and above all, i am happy to have shared so many moments with wonderful people, people who will stay with me for the rest of my life.
i feel very fortunate and privileged to have been part of the exponential growth of the false arrival of our country, having broken barriers and raised our voice. we have earned the respect and admiration of society and the world through our way of playing and understanding football and i believe that with our naturalness we have infected thousands and thousands of people who are now fans of women's football.
we have a synergy that moves the world and experiencing this first hand is honestly amazing. i consider myself a normal person who has lived an extraordinary life. the 23 titles that have coincided are a good example of this. three leagues, three european champions leagues that sum up the commitment, the effort of a job well done. i don't want to forget the afternoon when we filled the camp nou with 91,000 people and that was a world record attendance at the women's football match and above all being able to live on the pitch with all the fans.
i have always tried to be faithful to my values ​​and principles throughout the time with the responsibility of tranquility and way of understanding life and sport, especially towards the youngest who now have a role model to look up to. those role models that we all missed. like you, this life has a beginning and an end that ends my time in barcelona. i would like to thank all the people with whom i have shared these nine years, club workers, directors responsible for the women's team, medical services, staff and all the colleagues with whom i have shared a locker room.
but if i have to make a special mention, it is to a person who has been with me since i arrived at the club. we have grown, laughed, cried, seen me frustrated, improved, and has been the person who has supported me the most along the way and has been very important in my sporting growth. thanks to zuri.
i want to value all the work and dedication of each of the people who have dedicated themselves to this team. because things are not a coincidence and when there is a firm commitment and you work hard in the same direction, things go well and that could not happen without the total commitment that the group has made to us. i believe in the legacy we leave behind is the greatest motivation for the next generations to continue working at the highest level. i won't forget the fans who are always by our side. thanks culers!
on a more personal level, i want to thank all the people who have accompanied me in this stage in a more close way, but especially my mother, my brothers and my partner, my traveling companion, who has been fundamental and has helped me a lot and has sustained me through the worst moments. i also want to thank you for being unconditional and supporting me and following me everywhere as you have done since i was little.
but above all i made it through this year the most difficult of all because thanks to you i am the person i am and i have managed to get ahead in all the situations i have encountered on this path. and honestly it may have been the most complicated year but the one in which i have learned the most and which i have been personally and professionally and i am very proud to have at my side, the engine of my life. it is not like a place where i have been so loved, happy and fulfilled and that is why i will be eternally grateful to have belonged to barça and to have taken our shield to the highest level. our paths are separating for the moment but i can proudly say that barça will always be my home.
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winepresswrath · 13 hours
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what louis did to lestat and what louis did to armand are connected and that's important to the story but also. it is simply not the same. nothing louis did excuses armand's behaviour, that's not how anything works, but he did not "cross a line" or "poke at armand," he weaponized armand's history of abuse to belittle and demean him. nothing armand said to louis came close- the equivalent would have been "oooh, i'm such a stupid bitch that my husband can beat me half to death and i'll keep crawling back for more even when it endangers my daughter!" it's retraumatizing and deeply destabilizing to hear that shit from your partner. and in response armand should have been like "well this man sucks when he's high and he's high all the time, so i'm bouncing" but if he'd done that we wouldn't have a story, would we?
edit: i've come back to give armand credit for "claudia didn't love you like we did/do. ps. u used her to distract from your own hurt feelings" that shit does hit in a similar way. however "the ways someone hurt you have left you contemptible and weak. they scrawled 'dirty and annoying' all over your soul in red ink and it's never coming off" is just outstanding work. timeless
#press says iwtv#interview with the vampire#louis is my special little princess i love him forever and i enjoyed that fight so much#probably my favourite part of the episode#and it had a lot of competition#but tbh the discourse feels almost full circle victim blaming#like yeah what he said was that bad. and he still didn't deserve that#but it was very much that bad#also that was blatantly an addict fight#you do this all the time and then apologize#but it never means anything and you always start up again?#plus louis' little aww i was jus having fun... sorry#they have been on this roller coaster louis has been a tremendously shitty boyfriend armand should leave him!#but there's no amount of bad behaviour where you get to do surgery on your husband's memories torture him for days#and self soothe by tormenting his mistress to death!#if you CAN go you go. and armand can go. that's what he has going for him that claudia for example did not#which is why she does get to murder lestat and his mistress#i mean she could anyway#because i love her#but that's the crucial distinction in their behaviour she's trying to get away armand is trying to make louis stay#they're all monsters. this is not about claudia good armand bad. they are both serial killers. but still. these things are not the same#for the record yes louis was also honestly a pretty shitty boyfriend to lestat but y/k.#was he out there being like oooooohhh i'm lestat i have abandonment issues because my rapist killed himself in front of me#because i'm just that pathetic#he was not.#and if he had it would still have been wrong for lestat to beat him up and drop him from the stratosphere.#tw: sa#tw: abuse
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yuesya · 2 days
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With a gasp, awareness floods into his body once more.
Open cuts knit themselves back together, broken bones realign with no regard for his own will. A dead heart that was just run through by a sword of ice and moonlight begins beating once more, forcing blood to pump through the veins of an abomination that has no desire to be tethered to life.
A frustrated hiss escapes his throat, and Blade hauls himself upright, slowly rising from a pool of his own blood.
… The Mara is quiet, for once. It’s quiet for the very first time since his return to the Xianzhou Luofu; the past several days in this agonizingly familiar land have served as a special hell all of its own. But he knows that the current respite in his head is only an illusionary peace, merely one that follows the aftermath of every temporary ‘death.’ Soon, the Mara will rear its head once more, flooding his mind with madness and bloodlust that isn’t entirely his own–
But that’s nothing new.
Staggering to his feet as his body continues healing in complete disregard of his own wishes, Blade casts a glance around his surroundings. The young Cloud Knight child, Jing Yuan’s apprentice, is speaking quietly with his master. A slight distance away from them, closer to the lapping waves of the Scalegorge Waterscape, stand Imbibitor Lunae’s incarnation and Jingliu.
Jingliu.
The one who’d carved her swordplay into Blade’s immortal body, every cut and slice and ice-cold utterance, Of five, there are three who must pay a price. Who’d been the one to kill him just now, at Blade’s own behest.
Who’d failed to kill him.
Again.
Elio had informed him beforehand that this was not the stage where he would find his final death. Once more, his scripts are accurate to a fault.
It’s not yet time, Blade.
Yes. He knows.
His end… will not come at the hands of Jingliu, who’d already killed him thousands upon thousands of times before. Nor will it occur in an altercation against a powerful opponent who far outstrips him in combat ability, nor from any enemy that he encounters when playing out his role in Elio’s scripts.
“As expected,” he murmurs quietly, “In the end, my death… can only be wrought by your hands, Shiki.”
White hair, blue eyes. Quiet, and expressionless. A calmness that remains unchanged even as she stands upon a mountain of corpses, and the ground beneath her feet runs red with blood.
‘The swords of mortals cannot kill the flesh of Emanators, who are blessed by Aeons.’ Jingliu’s words do not lie, but Shiki is an exception. She’s also more curse than mortal.
One day, eventually…
“Who’s ‘Shiki,’ if I might ask?”
There’s a guileless smile on Jing Yuan’s face when Blade lifts his gaze towards the other man. Guileless, but lined by something sharp.
“As an Arbiter-General of the Xianzhou Alliance, it’s only natural that I’m a little curious,” he says, “About someone who has the capability to kill a being created from the flesh of an Emanator of Abundance.”
“Not yet.”
Jing Yuan arches an eyebrow. “But they will in the future?”
Yes. That much, Elio has confirmed.
“… Interesting. What’s your relationship? Ah, don’t tell me it’s another Stellaron Hunter–”
White hair splaying out everywhere. Blue eyes looking up towards him from the ground. Silver Wolf holding out a phone with a colorful glowing screen, “Hurry up, I need you two for co-op rewards!”
Falling asleep, using Firefly’s shoulder as a pillow. The air in the corridor is cold, and both of them are wearing too little. They need a blanket. Firefly glances up and smiles when one is draped over them, “Thank you, Blade.”
Sitting beside a coffee machine, three steaming cups arranged atop the counter. Kafka shaking her head, bemused, “Why do you always make your coffee so sweet? Even Bladie is going to get cavities at this rate.”
A single girl, surrounded by a sea of dismembered corpses. Every step leaves a bloodstained footprint as she approaches.
“There you are, Blade. Let’s go back.”
Shiki. His relationship with her would be…
“One who seeks death,” he answers, “And one who brings it.”
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asstrolo · 1 day
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astrology observations for sad people
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— the signs who I personally believe are really misunderstood by their peers are often capricorns and aquarius because of their saturnian tendencies where they become the mature, bigger person or are aloof of how they're presenting themselves, they always think they know better or people feel very intimidated by their personalities and, because people don't understand them, they alienate them,
— aries and scorpio as they are very intense, over confident people, other's might feel put-off by them, they can be very controlling and have a "I don't care" kind of personality that doesn't usually goes well with others, their ways of always trying to make themselves clear and understood causes the opposite effect, they are often misjudged as villainous or mean,
— geminis are also put in a place of having to know better, not given a chance or space to mess up as they are very intelligent people and show it, others might have big expectations which are often not met since they prefer to do what makes them happy and makes them curious, they tend to over-inflate themselves, or the opposite, and people take their words too seriously or not at all, very polarizing sign.
— a stellium in 4th can be super difficult to deal with, specially if it falls on not easy planets like mars, or saturn, uranus, or pluto. These people are always dragged back to their family issues no matter how much they try to escape, their parents maybe gave them too much responsibilities as little kids or vented to their child without thinking of the consequences, if these people ever decide to have a family they should always consider if they're doing it because they want to or because it is what's expected of them.
— chiron in social signs as gemini, aquarius and libra feel very alienated at all times, having social interactions is a learning experience for them, whether is good or bad, I also notice people usually get obsessed with them? They don't respect these people¡s space or it could be the other way around, to me is a placement where you'll learn to not be socially inept or teach people how to treat you right for some reason?
— saturn IS a complicated planet, it depends on the person's other planets and aspects how they deal with saturn, a person with moon conjuct saturn has a harder time dealing with their emotions than a capricorn moon. Even when the energies are similar, they don't have the same impact.
— now, a person with a capricornian stellium or dominant does deal with the saturn energy much comfortably than a person with sun trine saturn, because they were born with it. I personally believe you accommodate, or your aspects accommodate to you as you grow and evolve as a person.
— a pisces stellium, specially if is on moon or ascendants, is very perceptive to other's opinion on them, not in a superficial way but more on a "does this person thinks i'm being fair or mean?" Let's not forget the sister sign of Pisces is Virgo, so these signs also share the analytical or more neurotic way of seeing the world. A Pisces Rising is very self-aware of how they come off to people or how they are seen, they might not show it or say anything about it, a Pisces mercury might be self-conscious about how they approach others, how their voice sounds or how they come off when talking.
— I do believe leo's have a harder time being appreciated by people, as they devote to other's so easily they could neglect themselves in the process. Is the kind of person who is always looking out for someone to make happy or to make them feel comfortable because is something they want reciprocated. But this is a thing that can happen to fire signs a lot, they can be overbearing or too kind to people that it ends up backfiring on them, they have a very childlike mentally.
— is true what they say, a 12th house stellium in a natal chart makes the person passive and/or too in their own world, they have premonitions in dreams, but I've also seen these individuals have a really hard time with sleep, they have paranormal experiences a lot that some of them are used to it. They can be in some sort of medication, but not all, and not always these people are medicated or doing substances, they have an easier time to have out-of-body experiences, like lucid dreaming or sleep paralysis, these can occur because these people are super sensitive and get easily drained and stressed. Is important they are taking care of their energy at all times, I've met many that have one, two or more 12th house placement where I've found out some other person has been doing some sort of witchcraft on them, or have a big negative energy that this 12th houser sucks accidentally.
— having a mercurial dominant or rising can be super difficult when it comes to feeling, they tend to rationalize everything too much, are easily distracted and indulgent, they are very, very anxious at all times on all situations, even if they show otherwise. they overthink things too much, are the kind to be incredibly self-aware or completely out of touch with themselves.
— the ascendant aspecting negatively the mercury gives the individual speech impediment or a very shy personality, an almost inaudible voice or a raspy one, people with this placement have a harder time getting their thoughts across, or people might misinterpret them.
— keeping the conversation going, mercury negatively aspecting saturn makes a shy and reserved person, someone who, as a kid or a teen, has problems with being heard, or people simply didn't care or asked for this person's opinions, they might had been very codependent on an adult or somebody else to talk or to get to be seen, as they grow older they learn to communicate rather excellently, they might want to treat their shyness or whatever problem they have with unwanted attention or negligence
— neptune in personal houses like the 1st, 7th, 4th or 10th is really tricky. you might ignore gut feelings bout certain individuals, or on the contrary, believe someone is good when they aren't. these people can be their own worst enemies as they are super perceptive of how they come across to others, or how others make them feel.
— neptune in the 1st is common on actors and models and singers, usually on famous people, because they can create a fantasy of how they want people to see them, or act like chameleons around people, this creates a series of identity crisis during their lives.
— neptune in 7th is prone to feel things that really aren't there? they convince themselves somebody hates them or likes them for just one interaction, these individuals are like a sponge in social situations and they take everything somebody tells them to the heart. they also are known to lie a lot to people on behalf of good manners, they like to be liked.
— neptune in 4th house has a really confusing or unclear family situation, they might adopt the role of the parent when they shouldn't, or are treated as a child even as an adult, something in their family, in what they think is normal growing up, isn't. the most likely to stay in a bad situation for many, many years because they don't know any better, or think it's normal.
— neptune in 10th, although it deals with fame and impersonal relationships, to me, is just as fundamental as the houses listed above. they don't see themselves through their own eyes, or feel like they depend on other's perceptions on themselves too much, they are confident, or pretend it really well. these individuals know how to act the part, how to commit to the bit, they never feel that sense of belonging anywhere, because they might show different parts of their personalities to different people
— for me, the hardest moons to have are capricorn, scorpio and virgo.
— capricorn moon is a strictly analytical sign, they don't feel comfortable in the moon as is where the emotions and insecurities shine the most.
— scorpio moon is a very intense sign, as opposite to the Capricorn, they can be super emotional, or completely numb, very extremist and their emotions are black or white, polarizing.
— virgo moon is extremely difficult, they don't like to have to feel things, they like to think and act with precaution and it's hard for them to let their emotions slip, the kind of friend who'd have the most practical advice to all sort of topics, a helpful hand in all situations, but when it comes to them as individuals, they let themselves be too much, their head is always at a thousand percent. From what I've gathered of this moon is that, yes, they are neurotic when it comes to certain things, but completely careless to others, and it's usually to themselves, you won't ever see a Virgo moon misbehave or dress bad, but they can hold a lot of suppressed shame or anger or sadness, like they tie it with a bow in a box and keep it locked.
— lastly, no aspect or moon or sign is bad, they are just more difficult than others, there are people with easy aspects, like sun sextile or trine jupiter, they are prone to idealization and inferiority complexes. it's true that a person that has the harmonious aspects is lazier or gets unmotivated way easier. nothing is really set in stone, you can have a moon conjunct saturn and a cancer mercury in 9th house, your way of expressing yourself is more reserved, but optimistic and even childlike. when it comes to astrology, every single aspect and sign, and house counts to describe a person.
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ashbye · 1 day
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Fashion Show
-Look y'all I know I've been gone but I had a vision ok it came to me while I was doing yard work and I had to so enjoy. There's plot guys 🤚😔
Summary: While on a run you find something that would be the perfect surprise for Daryl. You show him and are very happy with the outcome.
-It's smutty oops 18+ 🤭 and not beta read. There's swearing so prepare yourselves. I HATE THE WORD PANTIES SO IM NOT WRITING IT! Unprotected sex (wrap it before you tap it)
-Alexandria era (probably) and I am a women so its she/her (sorry)
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It had been a while since you'd gone outside of the walls so you jumped at the chance to go on a run. Although you had wanted Daryl to join you he was unfortunately busy. Maggie and Michonne were joining you today so you can't complain.
After gathering the needed weapons and equipment you headed with the girls to a mall nearby that hadn't been checked thoroughly yet.
You got to the mall in record time with Michonne driving. Grabbing your machete in your hand and putting your gun in its holster, you got out of the car walking to the entrance behind Maggie.
"Why are we back here again I thought some guys had cleared it out already?" You asked turning to Michonne.
"They said there was too many walkers to get too far in do we're checking again."
You turned towards the door with a hum sound and raised your machete, walking into the mall. After scoping out the front the three of you found the mall to be almost completely empty aside from a few stray walkers that could be taken care of when you came across them.
Maggie turned to you both, "I say we split up, cover more ground."
You nodded before walking ahead as you all separated. Most stores you had looked through had been cleared out over time. There was a shirt here, a pair of socks there, but other than that it was a bit of a bust.
Until you saw a sign to a store ahead of you to your right. "No fucking way..."
You picked up the walkie talkie on your hip and called to Maggie and Michonne. "You guys are not gonna believe what I just found."
"What is it?" Michonne asked urgency in her tone.
"Either of you need any new bras?"
"Obviously, why?" Maggie was incredibly confused by now. You laughed before responding again.
"Go straight and take a right you'll find me. You need to see it to believe it." You put the walkie back after hearing Michonne say she's on her way.
You turn to the approaching footsteps and laugh. "Isn't it great? A Victoria Secret practically over flowing with unused bras and underwear!" Maggie smirked at you "You wanna find something special for Daryl huh?"
Michonne laughed at your expense but you couldn't care less because you're pretty sure you've been wearing the same bra for 2 months now.
And, duh of course you're gonna find stuff for Daryl. You're a loving girlfriend why wouldn't you get a present for him when you're on a run?
"Uh hell yeah I am! If I can find something to make me look sexy for my man of course I'm gonna take it!" You speed walk into the store with the girls following you chuckling.
You hold up a beautiful red set. It's lace would compliment her skin perfectly, you think. "Michonne, if you don't take this home for Rick, I will riot." You hold up to the girls so they can look at it.
"Oh please get that!" Maggie practically begs Michonne. "Alright I'll take it!" Michonne says with a smikr on her face after holding it up to her body.
The rest of the 'shopping spree' goes similarly, with you each holding up sheer and lace bras and panties for the others to take home and wear.
You found quite a few for yourself to surprise Daryl with later. You carefully put them in your bag with a smile.
After your escapade at Victoria Secret you all successfully grabbed every useful thing you could find and packed it into the car.
You were almost shaking with excitement when you got home, the clothes feeling like a thousand pounds in your bag.
It wasn't until everything you found that day was sorted through and put where it was supposed to be that you could go back home to Daryl. You walked through the door calling out to him that you were back. "Hey Darlin'. How was the run?" The familiar gravelly voice said from behind you.
You turned to him with a smile and placed your hands on his hips. You gave him a long kiss with a smile. "It went really well. I have a surprise for you actually." You pulled away from his face with only a few inches of space between you two.
"Surprise?" He asked with a vaguely shocked face.
You hummed with a smirk on your face. "Yeah after dinner I'll show you what your present is."
"So it's an after dinner kinda gift huh?"
You nodded before pulling away from him to hide the gifts in your bedroom. "I promise it'll be worth the wait."
It's now dark outside and Daryl is sitting on the front porch smoking a cigarette. You walk up to him and sit down, leaning your head on his shoulder with a sigh.
You sit in silence for a moment before looking up at him. "Are you ready for your surprise Dar?"
He blew smoke out of his mouth before taking the cigarette from between his lips. "Hell yeah baby." He said before grabbing your hand and pulling you up with him.
You lead him to your bedroom with a laugh excitement flowing through both of your veins. Once the door was closed behind you both you turned and gave him a searing kiss. He grabbed your hips tightly with a hum in the back of his throat.
You slowly pulled away and pushed him onto the side of the bed. "I'm gonna give you a little fashion show. How does that sound?"
He looked up at you with a slight nod before you gently slid away from him. You went to the bathroom and put on the first set you got. It was white lace with a black lace flower pattern.
You slowly cracked the door to stick out your head. "You ready?"
"Been ready Darlin'."
The door was slowly pulled away to showcase your body that you had draped across the doorframe. You smirked at him when you saw his eyes slightly widen.
"What do you think Dar?" You slowly turned you body to show him the whole thing.
"Well shit..." he was almost speechless. He wasn't sure how long he'd last. And this was only the first one!
You walked toward him and placed your hands on his shoulders. "You like it?" Your smirk had yet to wipe from your face.
"I- uh yeah ya look-" he could barely even get the words out. He could only look up and down your body with lust clouding his brain.
"I have a couple more for you to take a look at." You pulled away from him and walked back to the bathroom, closing the door behind you. Daryl could barely process the fact that you even left the room.
Meanwhile, you're giggling to yourself like a schoolgirl in the bathroom at the look on his face. Once you were ready you opened the door again, looking at Daryl.
This time you're wearing a dark purple set. It had sheer lace with small lime green polka dots. "What do you think about this one? It's a little different." You said, walking up to Daryl.
"I like it." He said, eating you with his eyes like you were his last meal. You chuckled at him before doing a spin.
He nodded his head looking like his head was in the clouds. You gave his cheek a kiss with a small smile on your face. Walking backwards to the bathroom you closed the door and prepared the next one.
You walked out wearing a pale yellow lace set that had cute little bows on the front. It was less revealing but Daryl liked it just as much as the others. You could only stare as you walked up to him. Completely mesmerized with how beautiful you looked.
He wanted to worship you like a goddess. He would kneel at your altar for the rest of eternity if it meant that you would give him even a fraction of the love and elegance you grace him with everyday. You could be covered in blood and walker guts or be wearing the prettiest pale yellow lingerie he's ever seen and he would still think you're the most exquisite women he's ever seen.
"Ya're beautiful." He said, it was the only thing the connection between his brain and mouth could compute.
And you were just fine with that.
"Yeah?" You ask with a big smile on your face. He nods with a small raspy yeah that makes you chuckle. "If this one is your favorite I'll keep it on so you can make love to me or fuck me however you want."
"However I want?" He seemed almost surprised.
"However you want. We can be all slow and tender or you can fuck me so dumb I'm cock drunk. How does that sound?"
Daryl couldn't even come up with words before he stood to full height in front of you and grabbed under thighs. He turned and played you on your back, pressing his mouth to yours in a heated kiss. His hands ran up and down your legs searching for a hold.
Your arms wrapped around his neck as a moan left your mouth. Your tongues pressed together and you gave him all control. Daryl moved you up so your head was on the pillow. He took off his vest and threw it to the side before movie his mouth to your neck. He left kisses and bites up the column of your throat.
Small sighs left your mouth and your hands ran up and down his chest. Your fingers started unbuttoning his shirt and pushed it off his shoulders. You threw his shirt off to the side and it's lost to floor somewhere with his vest.
His hand made it's way up to the band of your underwear. His fingers slipped past the band and pulled it away from you skin. You yelped when Daryl let it snap back onto your skin.
His hand finally sunk past the band of your underwear and grazed your clit. You let out a sigh and brought you hand to his face to bring your lips to his. He let out a groan when you lightly bit his lip. Your leg jolted as he continued to make small circles on your clit.
You moaned again and pulled away from his lips as his fingers dipped down. "Dar please!" Left your mouth like a mantra as you gripped his shoulders and your legs pulled him closer.
"Hold on Darlin' gotta make sure ya're good and ready yeah?" His movements became faster as he felt you're pussy grip his fingers. You nod as moans leave your mouth from the feeling.
"Dar I'm gonna-" your sentence went unfinished as you felt the coil in your stomach snap. Daryl kissed you through your orgasm as your body finally relaxed. He gently slid the bottoms down your legs and onto the floor before unclipping you bra and placing it next to it. You were panting under him as his hands went to his pants. He had stripped down before you could even offer any help.
He looked in your eyes as he lined himself up with your cunt. "Ya ready baby?" You nodded as you wrapped your arms around his chest. "Yeah, yeah I'm ready." You said in a reassuring tone.
He slowly slid himself into you. "So wet baby. Taking me so good." He played his body on top of you and used his forearms to hold him over you. You sat with him for a second to get used to his size. With a nod from you he started to slowly grind his hips into yours.
Small whimpers left your mouth as his speed increased. He let out heavy breaths and groans along with his thrusts. "Fuck Dar-" you moaned as you nails dug into his back.
"I got ya baby, I got ya"
His hips got faster as you both got closer to release. Your legs locked around his hips to keep him close. "Please baby, cum inside please!" Your eyes were screwed shut tightly as Daryl's jaw hung open in pleasure.
Your pussy gripped his cock as the coil tightened for the second time tonight. "Come on Darlin' cum for me" he said to you. Your nails dragged down his back leaving angry red lines on his skin.
He let out a groan at the sting as his hips stuttered. "Holy shit Daryl!" You said as your orgasm washed over you completely. The squeezing of pussy sent Daryl over the edge as he finally let go with a loud moan. His head fell next to yours as his hips slowed, helping you ride out the wave of pleasure.
The room was quiet aside from the breaths leaving you and Daryl. He slowly pulled out of you as his cum poured out of you. He kissed your cheek and neck as his had brushed your hair out of your face. "Ya did such a good job Darlin'."
You looked up at him as you softly kissed his lips and held his face in your hand. He rolled onto his back next to you. He turned you with him so your head was on his chest.
After calming down you look up to him with tired eyes. "I love you Daryl Dixon."
He looked to you with pure love and adoration in his eyes, "I love ya too Darlin'. So much."
You layed back on his chest as you held eachother in the quiet of the night. Even though the world had practically ended, you had never felt safer and more loved than you did when you were in Daryl's arms.
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fandomscombine · 14 hours
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New Kid
Spencer Reid x Reader
BG: It’s your first day at the BAU and meeting the team. The team is surprised with how you’re hitting it off with a certain Doctor but what they don’t know is that a bigger surprise is yet to come.  
A/N: My first Criminal Minds/Spencer Reid Fic! It’s been sitting in my drafts for over a year now and finally tied an ending together. (Are we over a 2-year writing slump? We’ll see!)
Honestly it’s pure season 1/season 2 team fluff crack and chaoticness! Wanted to capture the early seasons team dynamics. Hope you all enjoy!
Fun fact, it’s all the Spencer Reid x Reader fics that kept popping in my recommendations that I started reading and falling in love with Reid prior to starting the show!
WC: 1307
>>>MASTERLIST<<<
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This is it. Your first day as a Special Agent in the Behavioral Analysis Unit. Growing up reading detective stories and solving mysteries were your favorite pastimes. 
You’re grateful for having a family environment that was supportive of your thirst for knowledge and endless curiosity.
The receptionist has informed you that the team is waiting for you upstairs, ready to give your orientation tour.
"Thanks." You replied, half mildly picking at your nails. In just an elevator ride away, you'd be in the midst of the smartest profilers alive. And nothing goes unnoticed – that you know very well.
A vibration in your pocket breaks your thoughts. A smile slips to your face. 
"Stop picking at your fingers." The voice on the other line says.
"Hello to you dad." You can't help but roll your eyes. "I wasn't even–" You look down at your left hand. Shit. "How'd you even know?" 
"I just do, I watched you grow up for 25 years." 
"Yea yea."
"Hey kid, sorry I couldn’t be there—“
“You’ve got a whole auditorium full of nerds dying to hear your lectures, I understand.” The door in front of you opens and you step inside.
“Thanks kid. I’ll make it up to you. How does an extra large, extra saucy lasagne sound?”
“Oooh yes, don’t forget with extra cheese!” The monitors indicate: 3/F, 4/F, 5/F.  “By the way, you’ve told them right?” As you step out, you spot a group of agents handled near the department entrance. “Anyway I’ll see you later, gotta go. Bye.” Quickly cutting the line off, not wanting to seem unprofessional, chatting on the phone.
“Special Agent y/m/n?” Said the brunette.
You opted to be referred to by your first and Mother’s maiden name, when you first started out. Wanting to stand on your own merits and making a name for yourself.
“That’s me.” 
“Special Agent Greenaway, this is Agent Jareau, and Agent Garcia.” You shake hands with the two agents “Call me JJ” 
But you are quickly engulfed into a hug by the third, which you have to admit took you by surprise.  “You can call me Penelope.-- Opps sorry, just excited to have another female member in the team!” You give her a warm smile, patting her shoulder, “No worries, Penelope. Just caught me off-guard.”
“Come on, let’s meet the rest of the team.” JJ says, leading you all into the bullpen.
“So this would be your desk right here” points Agent Greenaway. “Which is right across from Agent Morgan–”
“Derek, Derek Morgan m’ beautiful lady.” cuts in the man. 
You can’t help but blush from the compliment. “You always flirt with the new kid, huh Derek?” You challenge, playing off his energy. 
“Ignore him,” 
“Cmon’ Elle. It’s all good fun!”
Elle directs you to a hunched figure behind Derek.
“This is our resident genius, Dr. Spencer Reid.”  She points to Reid, who is preoccupied with a lego model to have noticed the group. 
“Dr. Reid! I’ve heard so much about you!” Reaching out your hand, to grab his attention. His head instantly shoots up, eager to know the culprit who distracted him from finishing this model of the Delorean and give them a piece of his mind.
“Hey! I was just finishing -.” His voice trails off upon realizing that A. it wasn’t one of his teammates making fun of his legos but instead a face he doesn’t recognize and B. feeling bad on being the reason why your bright smile turned into a frown. “Oh Sorry! Sorry Ms–”
“y/m/n” Your father had shared stories about the team, especially Spencer, his protege. He was the person you were most excited to meet, though with this first interaction - you were discouraged with how it went. Perhaps you shouldn’t have run multiple scenarios on how you’d wow the team with such high standards. 
Dropping your arm, eager to quickly change the subject, you turn to Elle. “ So what cases do we –”
“y/m/n? As in y/f/n y/m/n!?” Spencer exclaims, his eyes wide. Big hand gestures dancing through the air as he raved.  “ The author of ‘The Correlation Between The Probability of Sudden Adult Anger Outburst and Childhood Familial Upbringing.’ ?
You’d had your thesis quoted back to you by professors and peers, but never with such childlike wonder written all-over Spencer’s face, making you blush. “Yes! But how -”
“I’ve read so much about you! Your work, I mean.” Spencer isn’t normally affected by how he’s perceived by others. Spitting out facts in the speed of light is synonymous to his identity and it’s nothing he’s ashamed of. But it's rare to have someone beautiful and intelligent be into the same niche interests that he has. Spencer only has one shot on not coming on as weird and it’s not going well, so he elaborates.  “I got it from Gideon’s pile. I picked it up on a whim but your writing is spectacular! I read through it in 12 mins!”
“Wait, you read through my 250 page dissertation in under 12 mins?” You questioned, looking around the team to check if you’ve misheard. 
“Affirmative. It would have been faster, but I was jotting down some notes.”
“Notes, huh?” Crossing your arms, the paper had gone through multiple reviews from your professors before submission. It should be damn near perfect. “Alright, Doctor Reid. I’m interested, how about you show me your notes over coffee?”
“Actually…” Spencer raised his finger, interjecting. “It might take a bit longer than an hour and I would love to dig into your brain. Perhaps we could go over it at dinner?”
“Name the time and place.” You grabbed the nearest post-it and quickly wrote down your phone number. “Now will you excuse me, I believe I’m late for my introductory meeting with Agent Hotchner.” 
With that you broke away from the make-shift team circle and headed you to Hotch’s office, leaving the team still frozen in their spot.
Derek was the first to speak. “Did pretty boy just ask out the new girl without stuttering and succeed?”
“Good, so everyone else witnessed that too right?” Added Penelope. 
JJ nodded in agreement, too stunned to speak as if it would break the illusion.
“What?” Spencer’s voice cracked. “I simply asked if we could compare notes!”
“No. Technically she initiated it.” Elle clarified.
Shaking his head, Spencer eyes trailed to the now closed Hotch’s door. 
“Yea, to which you effortlessly turned from coffee date to a dinner date!” Exclaimed Derek, earning Spencer a pat on the back. “The boy’s got game!”
“It’s not a date! At least I don’t think it is - I bet she doesn’t see me that way. Nobody does.” Spencer sighs, sulking back down to his seat. Reality catching up to him by the second, erasing any hope that a woman like you would have any romantic interest in a nerd like him. 
“Trust me kid.” Come a voice, effectively cutting Reid’s thoughts. Gideon nonchalantly walks up to the empty desk marked “Agent y/n y/m/n”, moves the box of your belongings to make space for  what seems to be a plastic bag of takeaway. “You're her type.” 
“What?” Spencer asks, more confused than ever. The looks across the team’s face reflect his own reaction. “And how would you know that?” 
“With all due respect, sir.” Added JJ, careful not to overstep. “You haven’t seen y/n and you got all that from her untouched desk?”
“Yea Gideon, we know you’re good but you can’t be that good!”
Gideon brushed off Derek’s brassiness and smirked. Proceeding to head up to his office, finally addressing the group only halfway up the steps. “I know, cause she's my daughter.”
“WHAT?!” exclaimed the BAU team, who once again found themselves frozen by a member of the Gideon family.
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elljayvee · 2 days
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today's topic: that fucker RoundUp
It's time for more Don't Believe Everything You Read with me, elljayvee!
A friend encountered this the other day: 
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This contains a lot of false information and should not be spread around as true. It's scaremongering in the first half and almost entirely wrong in the second half.
I will state my credentials and biases up front: I am an inactive Penn State Master Gardener (which means I have all the education and credentials, but am not currently an active volunteer), I have a permaculture design certificate and an active permaculture garden on my property, and I'm an agriculture & food systems researcher. I also fucking hate RoundUp (aka glyphosate), which I think is very bad, especially at industrial scales. I pretty much think all agricultural inputs have serious problems at industrial scales; RoundUp isn't special. In general, and particularly for home-scale or small-scale ag use, I prefer non-chemical controls; in my own garden I use manual control for all weeds except for poison ivy and tree of heaven, for which I use 2,4-D foliar herbicide. 2,4-D is also pretty nasty stuff, but I use it because unlike RoundUp it's very widespread in my environment already -- some of my neighbors have their lawns sprayed and that's what the lawn companies use. Me spraying a stray tree of heaven once a year isn't even a drop in the 2,4-D bucket of the block. 
Let us take these pieces of Wrong Information from back to front!
Dish soap: people love dish soap in the garden. Just love it. There's mixed evidence on what it can do in the garden but it's completely ineffective against weeds -- the reason it's so popular in garden applications is that it doesn't harm plants. How is something that doesn't harm plants going to be good weed control? Answer: it isn't. It does nothing against weeds. The one thing dish soap is proven to be good at is assisting with aphid control -- the best aphid control is manual/physical control, like blasting aphids off plants with water, and dish soap assists with that and also seems to do some damage to the aphid. Any other pest control involving "soap" almost certainly means "insecticidal soap", not dish soap. 
Takeaway: Unless you're trying to control aphids, don't use dish soap in the garden. (And make sure it's dish SOAP, not a detergeant. In the US, original Dawn is the go-to.) For anything but aphid control, you're just wasting soap.
Salt: No. This is bad. It will definitely help kill some weeds, but it's a bad idea. Don't put extra salt into soil. It's bad for the soil and for the inhabitants of soil; it's bad for water. One cup of salt isn't going to kill a river or a stream or whatever but if you're worried about killing animals, let's just say that poor innocent things like amphibians and worms do not do well in hypersaline environments. Do not use table salt like this. 
Takeaway: Leave table salt out of your garden altogether. You're just wasting salt, messing up soil, and hurting animals.
Vinegar: This is completely fine. Depending on the species of weed you have, it may work very well indeed. However, household white vinegar is only about 5% acetic acid, while horticultural vinegar -- which is sold as a weed killer commercially -- is 20% acetic acid, and works MUCH better on a MUCH wider variety of weeds. It also seems to work best when it is mixed with canola oil. Horticultural vinegar is not as safe for your skin/eyes/etc. and you should follow the safety instructions on the bottle when you use it. If you would like some more information on how well vinegar works to control weeds, you may enjoy reading "Impact of Acetic Acid Concentration, Application Volume, and Adjuvants on Weed Control Efficacy" (Webber et al. 2018). 
Takeaway: Household vinegar in the garden is fine and may work for some species of weeds. Horticultural vinegar works better. Follow safety information when using it. 
Now for RoundUp (aka glyphosate). 
RoundUp will kill pollinators, bees, hives: I will include all invertebrates that seem affected by RoundUp spray in this category. There is good evidence that AT INDUSTRIAL SCALE, RoundUp negatively affects pollinators and other beneficial invertebrates, such as pest-controlling spiders. When applied to a broad area in heavy concentrations, it seems to have lethal effects (particularly in bees who ingest it or come into physical contact with it), and it also seems interfere with reproduction in some bees, wasps, and spiders.
"Is glyphosate toxic to bees? A meta-analytical review" (Battisti et al 2021) is a good meta-analysis about toxicity to various bee species. (It is paywalled, sorry -- but some of its sources are not.) This analysis found that it's easy for bees to get a fatal dose from pollen from sprayed flowers, physical contact with sprayed flowers, or ingestion of nectar from sprayed flowers. At individual garden scale, you are extremely unlikely to harm more than a few individual insects unless you're doing something very weird, like, I don't know, pouring a whole bottle of RoundUp over your patio, or specifically filling flowers with drops of RoundUp. 
Takeaway: In general, I recommend not using RoundUp in your garden. If you do use RoundUp, snip off flowers from the weeds or do not spray the flowers, to avoid pollen contamination and lower the likelihood of bees touching the RoundUp. I strongly suggest instead using manual controls, which is what I do -- I weedwhack and hand-pull weeds (again, with the exception of poison ivy and tree of heaven). 
RoundUp will kill your pets and kids and you: In general, not unless your pets, your kids, or you drink it. This is how it kills mammals: a mammal drinks it. There is some evidence of toxicity to amphibians, but again, this is at industrial scale and high concentrations, not a household preparation used on like 5 weeds in your patio. There is conflicting evidence on whether or not glyphosate is carcinogenic in humans, but the risk -- if it exists -- seems at this point to be low and probably mainly affects agricultural workers who are regularly exposed to a LOT of the stuff.
Takeaway: Secure RoundUp from pets and children. I personally keep garden chemicals in a padlocked plastic box in the garage. If you are suicidal and may drink RoundUp, call your area's suicide prevention hotline or ask someone for help. If you are an agricultural worker regularly in contact with glyphosate in the environment your best resource is probably United Farm Workers (in the US), your local farm workers' org, or La Via Campesina (which is an international farm workers' organization that has taken a stand against the widespread industrial use of glyphosate). 
If you would like to read more about RoundUp toxicity, try: "Glyphosate Poisoning" (Bradberry, Proudfoot, and Vale 2004) and "Glyphosate: A review of its global use, environmental impact, and potential health effects on humans and other species" (Richmond 2018) -- this one is particularly useful because it collates a LOT of research together in one place, so you can get to many, many other articles from it. 
General takeaways: You should take precautions if you use RoundUp not to hurt bees in your garden, but you are unlikely to hurt anything larger than invertebrates if you do use it. Do not use random weedkilling formulas involving random household items in your garden. In particular, dish soap and salt have almost no good garden uses at all and if someone tells you to use them, they are probably misinformed at best. There is a lot of complete bullcrap out there on the internet.
If you want to use organic controls for stuff in your garden, which lots of people do, a good place to start is the OMRI lists. Items on these lists are approved for organic use in the US or Canada and free to download. You can also look for information from Extension in the US about organic controls and home gardening advice; county extension is government-funded and provides a wide variety of free educational material about gardening, forestry, agriculture, etc.
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