#they perfectly encapsulate the different fear responses even

[bigidiotenergytm]

yall ever get emo that ur odyseidon are kinda terrified of each other post-odyssey/epic or is that. just me.

[myheadsgonenumb]

I know a lot of people accuse the marauders fandom of being misogynistic because of the way they pair male characters together and sideline female characters to do it. And maybe there is an element of truth in that for some people.

But I see wolfstar and remadora being used as an example of this - as if the wolfstar ship hadn't existed for four years before Tonks was introduced to the readership, as if it wasn't six years old before remadora was introduced, as if it isn't perfectly reasonable that readers read Tonks as queer coded before she was straight jacketed into being a stepford wife and as if remadora was a well seeded and compelling relationship that anyone might feasibly have any interest in.

I don't like Tonks - not because she's a woman, but because she knocks things over and says "wotcher", and there is no excuse for that. She is an irritating character that adds nothing to the narrative. But even so, if Remadora had played out differently, I could have got on board with it. I want Remus to be happy - and if Tonks is what makes him happy, so be it. I like Romione and Hinny, after all. I'm fine with canon ships where it's clear the characters like each other. But married Remus isn't happy, and it is not clear that he and Tonks like each other at all.

I am a wolfstar shipper, but even if I wasn't, I wouldn't like Remadora. I unashamedly love the HP books and there is very little that I will criticise them over, but Remadora is one of those things, and this is why.

Remadora is a hot, toxic and abusive mess but it's her not him.

Whether she likes his reasons or not, whether the readers or the fucking Weasleys like his reasons or not, Remus is entitled to his boundaries. He does not want to be in a relationship with her because he believes it is a bad idea. He knows, better than any of them, what his life is really like; the toll the prejudice he faces takes on him and how this will impact Tonks' life. And he doesn't want to be responsible for that - and that's fair enough.  

So he says "no" a million times (actual quote) and removes himself from the situation. Which is the mature and sensible thing to do.

She doesn't accept it. For a start - he shouldn't have had to keep repeating his "no", that is enough to tell us she is repeatedly forcing the issue, that she doesn't respect his answer or his feelings and is not listening to him. She thinks that because she loves him despite his condition that that is enough. He is old enough to know the reality of their life together will be far more complicated than that and recognises that he does not want it (and fears that eventually neither will she).    

But she won’t listen and she won't respect his decision and so she goes around airing their dirty laundry in public, getting his friends to side with her and agree he is being "ridiculous" (again - actual quote). She is losing her powers over him and no - that is not him draining the life out of her, as I have seen said - that is her being a melodramatic twat. She is not the first person to be unlucky in love, her reaction is what is ridiculous. Meanwhile, Remus is being the grown up and getting on with his life. Yes he's going out of his way to avoid her (which is proving necessary as she won't let their relationship lie) but it's still necessary work and it’s work only he can do. The fact that he might be relieved to have an excuse to get away from her speaks to her bad behaviour not his.  

She changes her patronus to match his and this is just so... everything that is wrong with them and with her encapsulated.  For a start, we only see two sets of exactly matching patronuses in HP - Remadora and Snily, both examples of unrequited, thwarted love. Healthy relationships might have complementary patronuses, but relationships where one person's patronus assumes the shape of another's suggests that one person is being subsumed by the other. And yet this is not a relationship or level of control that either Remus or Lily are interested in having, so it is a sign - not of control or abuse from them - but of how obsession is eroding Tonks' and Snape's core selves. But that isn't the fault of the person they are obsessed with.

The remadora example is far far worse though, because a doe doesn't have any special significance to Lily, that is just the shape her patronus is. Remus's is a wolf. He hates that, and chooses to cast an incorporeal patronus when he can. Being a werewolf is his greatest source of pain and shame, and he sees his patronus as an extension of that, almost of it outing his condition. Tonks - the absolutely fuckwitted stalker that she is - bears absolutely none of that in mind, changes her patronus and blithely casts it around to all and sundry to deliver messages. She is taking Remus's darkest, most shameful, most secret part of himself and using it to wizard text. And she doesn't even get why that's a problem. It just shows that he is correct in believing that she doesn't understand the reality of his situation and is not ready for it; she doesn't appreciate or respect the toll it takes on his life and frankly she doesn't respect his feelings (which we already knew from her not accepting his "no").         

It all comes to a head when Dumbledore dies. Remus loses control of his emotions at this point, and Harry is so startled that he thinks of it being "indecent" to see Remus vulnerable like this. Remus is not just grieving Dumbledore, he is processing the fact that without Dumbledore the war is lost; Voldemort will win; everything has been vain and the whole world is going to tumble into darkness. Every sacrifice he has made, Sirius, Lily, James - it's all been for nothing. That is where he is at that moment.

And fucking Tonks - fucking Tonks -  makes it about her and their relationship. And it’s not just that she corners him when he is at his most vulnerable. But she does it publicly, in front of their friends, in front of the kids. She grabs hold of his robes and physically shakes him. She physically shakes him . If he had physically shaken her we would not be having a discussion on if she was unreasonable to not want to marry him.

Even at this moment, he tries to stand his ground, He knows what is right. He knows getting married is the wrong thing for them to do. But she won't back down and all their friends back her. It's unbelievable.

And he is a weak man. He knows it, we know it, and he never claimed to be anything else.  Under this much pressure, he gives in. But he later says it was done very much "against {his} better judgement". He was co-erced into marriage- both emotionally and eventually physically.

So - yeah - Tonks gets pregnant. There are many clues throughout the books that the wizarding world is a no sex before marriage society and that they don't have contraception. Babies often follow hot on the heels of marriage. Should Remus have refused to consumate the marriage he entered against his will? Probably. Would Tonks have accepted that? Hell no! She'd have been back round Molly Weasley's for "tea and sympathy", telling the whole Weasley clan he won't shag her.  Having gone through with marriage, despite his misgivings, he gives in and goes through with it all. And Tonks gets pregnant.

And she is delighted. Because despite his fears of what this will mean for the child - Tonks couldn't care less. Remus says they don't know if the baby will be a werewolf or not. werewolves don't have kids. She is bringing a child into the world who could have a chronic, debilitating illness that will make them a pariah, and she doesn't even care. She doesn't think it's a problem. She thinks love will be enough, because she has no actual understanding of what she is dealing with, and shows no interest in gaining that understanding. She thinks "I don’t care” (about her family being werewolves) is the answer to the problem.

Meanwhile, Remus is spiralling into depression because he is facing the reality of the prejudice his condition is now forcing on his wife and child, He cannot take the guilt of how he is going to negatively impact their lives. And while Tonks is within her rights to say she doesn't care about that, Remus is within his rights to say the guilt is too much for him and he doesn't want that. He is entitled to his boundaries and his feelings as well, but Tonks, the other characters and a hefty portion of the readership don't seem to recognise this.

So Remus is now trapped. He admits it was a mistake to marry Tonks and he knows he shouldn't have - but he was pursued until he couldn't stand against it any longer, and the depression and guilt is killing him. Harry is worrying about him, he is so clearly miserable. AND TONKS DOESN'T EVEN SEEM TO NOTICE! She is described as being "radiant", she is blissfully happy. She has what she wants and she can't even spot what the teenage boy whose only spent a couple of minutes with them since they got married can see is glaringly obvious.

And this leads back to her being obsessive about Remus, but actually seeming to know or care about him very little. She doesn't respect or understand his feelings and has no interest in doing so. She wants him. She has him. The end.

So - unable to cope with the guilt of what he has done, the societal stigma he is inflicting on his own family, the coldness of now having to deal with that prejudice in his own home via his in laws (and I've seen people try and gaslight him by saying he is imagining that, Ron and Molly spout anti-werewolf rhetoric, no Andromeda is not chill about her only daughter being married to one) and having no one on his side who will even listen to his fears - he suffers a total mental breakdown and runs away.

And is told to go back.

Fuck that. Anyone is entitled to leave a marriage they are unhappy in. Yes, he can't leave in such a way that he is not around to support the child and it was wrong of him to try (though understandable that he did not think that through in the circumstances) but he does not have to stay with Tonks, if he thinks it is for the best that he leaves. Especially when the impact the marriage is having on his mental health is taken into account. 

Harry is a teenager, who is seeing the situation through his own lens of being orphaned. And he is absolutely right to refuse to be Remus’s cover here. Remus is doing the mental gymnastics that if he leaves his child to protect James’ child then it’s all OK, and Harry is right not to be OK with that.   But he is wrong to unequivocally think Remus should go back to Tonks. This is an adult relationship that Harry is not yet old enough to understand, which took place under duress, and Remus is miserable in it. Why should he stay? 

They get lucky, and Teddy is not a werewolf, but that does not mean his fear around that was not reasonable. And he dies before they ever have to face up to the reality of life together for any length of time.

He is not proven wrong just because he does not live long enough to be proven right.

He just goes back, because there is nowhere else for him to go and no one willing to help him. and buries his head in the sand. But he is the expert in the experience of life as a werewolf. If he says it’s awful, if he says Tonks is going to face mistreatment and stigma because of it, then he is right. And it is all very well for a young and in love Tonks to say that doesn't matter, but he is older and wiser and knows how prejudice wears you down through the years. He knows reality will get the better of them in the end. And even if it doesn't - even if Tonks was to remain cheerful in the face of blatant discrimination for her and her child for the rest of her life - Remus is not unreasonable to say he is not willing to be the cause of that, that he can't live with that guilt, and to choose to remove himself from the situation so Tonks and Teddy can live normally.

I think the books do Tonks dirty. She is a different character in each of the three books she appears in, and each incarnation is worse than the last. But I can't like her because ultimately her actions are so abusive and she is so oblivious to the pain Remus is in. The only good thing about the ship is that the mental breakdown gives Remus something significant to do in DH, when otherwise he would have been totally sidelined - and the breakdown to coming back with Sirius and James and Lily gives him a nice redemption arc. But in terms of both characters it doesn't make sense and both need to be totally broken to make it work. 

Remadora is one of the best written examples of an abusive relationship I've seen. What's weird about it is a) it’s in a children's series and b) the conclusion is that the victim of abuse is being very silly and should return to his abuser.

So please, stop telling wolfstar shippers that they are misogynistic because they are more interested in the potential of the 40 line stare than they are in this toxic wasteland of romance. It's just bad. And it's OK not to ship it because it is bad.

[nomsfaultau]

What would you say is your favorite part/scene of fault, also what do you imagine Red to taste like?

For one, Red’s texture would be kinda awful. Like thick water that prefers to clump to itself in tendrils. I imagine Tommy misses forks a lot. Red tastes slightly salty and a little bit metallic. Since it basically magically floods the amygdala in order to produce a flight or fight response, I functionally compare it to adrenaline, which can result in a metallic taste in one’s mouth. The salt is since Red is also kinda analogous to sweat. Ew. Potential other flavors when he’s super duper stressed include bitter (adrenaline concentrations) and sulfur (fear sweat). Tommy would not be delicious if he was having a panic attack that’s for sure.

And ahhhhhhh favorite scenes! Such a tough one! I’ll break it up by character bc I’m not getting anywhere else wise:

Tommy: Ember. The scene where Tommy fights against his touch starvation in order to finally let go of his toxic relationship with Philza. When Philza’s affectionate touch begins to burn him and Tommy finally recoils. Just…recognizing that his desperation has led him to ignore so much and finally learns how to stop blaming himself for everyone. Even if Tommy was acting on misinformation, getting Philza off a pedestal was still huge. Philza: Malachite. When he returns to his Collected in full dragon mode. Something just hits me about a massive dragon being guided home by tiny bees. The beauty of him but also the sheer destructive force. And the pure uncertainty of it, if Philza even remembers his loved ones at all. The terror of not only the heart break if he doesn’t, but also the possibility that such a powerful destructive creature could slaughter his children and not even notice. Tommy’s swirl of gut wrenching emotions and awful hope as he’s face to face with a massive dragon, only to get licked. One of my favorite cliff hangers tbh. Also the entire amnestic arc is such a fun way to explore different facets of Philza after he haunted the narrative for ages. The Blade: Unfortunately most of his coolest scenes haven’t been posted yet. But I do adore the fight scene in Alabaster where The Blade is having this epic show down with the organ house (creature pulled straight from my nightmares). He caused the problem by trying to take care of his friends, and he’ll solve it using exactly that. Very good indicator of the larger problems he faces. Also the fact he’s doing a Cool Fight Scene…while his mane is in braids, his hooves are covered in nail polish, and ‘Tommy wuz here’ is plastered on a tusk. The Blade can just get silly with it in a way the others can’t sometimes, and it’s refreshing to have the most chill functional guy be the one with bloodthirsty voices. The Blade makes the active choice to be far less edgy than he could be, and I adore him for that.

Wilbur: Midnight. It’s such a small scene, but the moment where Wilbur is out stealing food and he comes across a pet dog. I think it perfectly encapsulates the warring tension inside Wilbur between his pure survivalist mindset and his softer side. I like the way he refuses to let himself admit what he’s doing as Wilbur tries to forget everything that happened in the Foundation, which simultaneously leaves the reader in suspense for what he’s doing as he inches his knife closer to the dog’s throat. And that last line that suddenly says so, so much about the memories Wilbur is repressing: Wilbur really, really did not like shock collars. Perfect amount of building suspense to an answer that only creates far more urgent questions it refuses to address.

Tubbo: Old Gauze. Might be recency bias, but I just love when Tubbo decides to start screaming at Philza in the middle of the woods. It really encapsulates some of Tubbos’ glaring predjudices but also the flaws in Philza’s simplistic morality system (or lack thereof). Tubbo has a lot of unhealthy beliefs about hatred, guilt, and empathy. Plus the utter hypocrisy of saying Philza has no empathy while actively dehumanizing Philza…delicious. I think in stories with a moral of ‘killing people bad :(‘ it becomes really easy to make the pacifist character the unequivocally good guy. And I want Tubbo to be just as messy and flawed as everyone else. (Also really like the tiny scene in Atramentous where Tubbo starts disassociating about proper tree trimming techniques while their house is literally being invaded by Foundation soldiers.)

Though really any scene where I get to mash different character’s moral philosophies against one another like a kid with action figures automatically gets a lot of my love. I imagine readers probably have vastly different favorite scenes than I, given some of them are tiny in the grand scheme of things. Feel free to share parts that made you unhinged.

[gallifreyan85]

and from the dark into the light is maybe one of my favourite fics you’ve done with mentor!agatha so far. there aren’t enough words to fully express how it filled my heart and soul with something warm and comforting. 

the description of the sounds in westview is a perfect contrast to when we arrived at the house, in showing that we’re finally able to resurface for air. in scare me up, the silence builds on the weight of the grief by illustrating how numb we’ve become to the outside world. the story spends more time in our mind and memories, because grief traps us in the past. so when we hear the sounds of westview is an awakening, it’s the first step of our healing. 

describing how you want to hold her hand, make sure she’s really there is actually quite similar to what i have written down in some half finished headcanons about the scare me up universe! yes, because it makes sense in the context of the story, but also, to note down how it contrasts well with mentor!agatha in the forwards beckon rebound and the teen!reader fics. with teen!reader, we get to see agatha reluctant to let herself become attached, and learning how to be gentle again. in this one, we’re clinging to agatha because of the fear that she’ll be ripped away from us again, whereas it’s the opposite in forwards beckon rebound. 

seeing señor scratchy reunite with agatha is so sweet, but also digs deeper into the aspects of grief that exist outside our field of view when we’re so immersed in it. the distinct longing to be held by agatha again, paired with the refusal to be jealous of scratchy perfectly encapsulates how isolating grief can be, and the jarring reminder that others are grieving along side you. 

i love how you captured the emotional hesitance from both yourself and agatha now that the moment has calmed down, and  you’re finally out of her grave. agatha glancing to see if you’re looking while she’s greeting scratchy, and you looking away when you comment on you and scratchy missing her? as well as your nerves about giving her the gift. it’s very much agatha’s past shining through, but it’s also an inkling of how her death might’ve affected us. it’s possible that it’s always been part of us, or that agatha’s behaviour has rubbed off on us during our time learning with her, but i like to imagine that it’s part of our grief; your emotional distance from others prevents this kind of grief from happening with anybody else. an anger at the rest of the world, for continuing to pass by, and you stuck in the cycle of day and night, without agatha.

the dust in the house works in so many different ways. part of it is having lived here with her; how are you supposed to exist in a space without her? how do you find your place and navigate the empty silence where she would’ve been? yes it was your home, but it was always your home with agatha. the guilt of not returning hurts my heart too. when grieving, i think we often feel a sense of responsibility towards all that’s left of who we lost, even if it’s not realistically something we can maintain. it’s also very literally the calm after the storm that was the witches road and the salem seven. it’s a beautiful irony, how the dust has settled everywhere else but in your heart. billy and jen get to move on, they got what they needed from the road. but you? you lost agatha.

i can’t emphasize enough how heartbreakingly authentic your description of seeking comfort was. scent often goes unnoticed, and yet it’s also such a crucial component to identity and memory. trying to find the smell of agatha’s perfume hurts so deeply because they’re the tiny shadows of agatha; the reminders of her that were silent until she was gone, and now you’re left with nothing but the silhouette of who your mentor once was.

there’s something specifically touching about agatha asking where you went afterwards. its vague enough for plausible deniability, like agatha could pull herself out of such vulnerability with a snarky remark, but it also burns with a genuine sense of worry for you. i think that as a ghost, she had no way of knowing where you were, and this is her way of reassuring herself that you were taken care of while she wasn’t around. while she’d accepted her death, i don’t think she could forgive herself if grieving her destroyed you.

the mother’s day card, oh,,, my heart. the need to apologize for our vulnerability is so real!! the way you worry about if your feelings are too much and the overthinking of it all?? on both parts? impeccable. i have to try to not cry when i read “just- don’t throw it away please” because it hits so close to home. the talk about not feeling strong, and being held while agatha tells us about her mother makes me think about how all this time, without agatha, we’ve had to try to be strong, and now that she’s back, we’re finally safe to be vulnerable again. 

“I guess I love you too, then. You little menace.” she’s such a mom :’) the little menace title is so dear to me, because i think the playful and caring nature of your dynamic with agatha really shines through. 

this paired so beautifully with scare me up a little bit of love, and i already know ill be reading it again and again. every one of your stories is a love letter to the character of agatha harkness, and to those all those who feel a connection with her. this was such a treat to read. i’m so sorry for how late this review is, i didn’t realize how quickly april flew by. how has it been almost a whole month since you posted it? also, i saw your recent posts, and i’d like to say, happy belated birthday!! i hope you spent the time resting and having fun :3 i think i’ll be back soon to talk more about mentor!agatha <3

-your lovely review anon

Review anon I've missed you!! <3

I'm so glad you liked the part with all the sounds in Westview, something I really really love about writing is trying to get the overall 'vibe' of the scene right, and that often ends up meaning relying on sounds and smells around that setting, those particularly because I feel like sometimes they can do more to trigger a memory than just seeing something/ writing a detailed description of said setting.

I loovee the way you worded 'silhouette of who your mentor once was', I imagined that kind of letting go while writing about what we've done while she was gone, the unseen line of grief and loss being too much for us to make us almost uncaring whether we've crossed it or not into becoming more like her, and then will being like her bring us a scrap of comfort or would she be disappointed because it's something she wouldn't want for us. It's sort of established that we don't have much of family outside of her, so being away while she was gone means we were on our own, and the pain of it all because (more so in the teen reader fics) it started as clinging to her for safety and the fear of ending up alone and ended in the genuine feeling of family and care on both sides.

Her as a mom never fails to make me all warm, I think for her this was her thinking maybe this is it, she's gone and we'll eventually get over her death and move on, but then she's suddenly back, being genuinely, so desperately missed, and given something that makes her see we do think of her like that, and we've never stopped. She might be really scared to let herself feel it (especially after Nicky) but she's getting there.

I know you say you sometimes reread my fics (which makes me giddy to know people like them) and I'd like you to know that I often tend to reread your reviews, and they end up being my motivation to kick start into writing a new fic. I've recently kind of slowed it down a bit even though I've been making headcanons and scenarios in my head, and it's mostly just due to life being chaotic, school stuff (this damn college thingy we have to do till this Friday) and general craziness, but I am definitely still going to post more fics as soon as I get a bit of time to breathe from the assignments. Hopefully soon. I'm really excited to dive back into this world with Agatha cause now that we're sort of on the same page with her on emotional vulnerability there's still a lot that can happen and a longish way to go. We'll see.

Also I apologize for letting this one sit in my inbox for three days, I wanted to properly answer and not make it a fumbled response just to get it out of the way. Thank you (for the happy birthday) and seeing your ask notification really made me grin on Sunday, I saw it first thing in the morning and it really made my day a bit brighter. I can't wait to hear more of your thoughts and headcanons on everything!!!

❤️

[sasubaeuchithot]

I was reading one of the comments on chapter 13 that essentially praised you for how the username YoungAndOverIntelligent was very accurate because your intelligence shows in your writing and I was nodding along saying DAMN STRAIGHT (might not be able to claim the title of no1 Sasuke glazer cuz that's naruto's job, but trust and believe I AM the no1 kh glazer, I will fight anyone who tries to disagree I fear 🤷‍♀️) and then I read your response and.

oh.

HOW DID I MISS THE ACRONYM NO OH MY GOD I CAN'T STOP LAUGHING I'VE BEEN SOOOOO BAMBOOZLED DAMN ITTTTTT THAT'S TOO GOOD UGH

Even in your inside joke of a username there exists humour indicative of high level smarts 😔

Okay but on a more serious note, I genuinely have to once more thank you for sharing your work with us.

I've sent an insane amount of Asks to you these past few weeks; at least, insane considering how rarely I generally send Asks, and how you're the only person I've sent more than two to.

Fanfiction has been a pivotal part of my life for as long as I can remember myself, and I find that it's an incredible way to, among other things, express your love for a piece of media, to make friends with people in the same community and give back to the fandom, to practice and hone your writing, and most importantly, to have fun.

It's very soothing to have a comfort read that perfectly encapsulates my thoughts and feelings on these characters and on the world that Kishi has carefully crafted but, in the same breath, basically wasted, in a fandom that I feel like so often misunderstands the point.

There are many fandoms I've been in, thousands of fics I've read, millions and millions of words consumed in the past three-four years, and hundreds of literary works (both fanfiction and not) that have, in some way or another, left their mark on me.

But Kizuna Hikari has always stood out to me the most. Maybe that sounds unbelievable. Out of all the beautifully written works I've read (the number of those is actually astronomical), I'd still pick kh over every single one of the works that have ever pierced my soul?

Yes. I can't put it into words, exactly, but there's a feeling that engulfs me every time I think about it that is so unique in its warmth.

Both because I especially love Naruto, multiple flaws and all, and because this story hits every mark that it's aiming for dead-on.

Not very many stories can achieve that.

Most fanfiction, no matter how gorgeous, or well-written, or enthralling, or in character, feels like fanfiction. This of course doesn't have any effect on how much I love it; the vast majority of the time, I long for that exact feeling of a fanmade work infused with copious amounts of the author's love and passion for their creation. It doesn't matter that it's fanfiction.

But there's a degree of believability in kh that brings about a different type of comfort.

Naruto's ending sucked. It makes me miserable to think about it. The Naruto fandom, for a fandom that insists on the show's greatness, collectively misses the point of an alarming amount of the story's arcs, characters, and overall essence in a way that has me seriously concerned for the world's media literacy.

But kh is so concentrated on, and deeply rooted in, the realistic depiction of a differing outcome and the consistently in-character portrayal of Naruto and Sasuke and their simple, but still incredibly complicated, relationship, without either of their ideals and convictions taking the backseat in the name of conventional romance; romance that also just doesn't fit these characters.

It's been three years since I first read it, and it continues to be equally wholly satisfying, and provides me with what I initially didn't even know was the idyllic, fleshed out exploration of the events following that final battle that I needed.

It also helps that I relate to/crave and ache for the, in my eyes, inherently queer type of love/attraction that exists between your Naruto and Sasuke way more than that of any other romantic love story that I've ever known.

In other words, the meticulous planning, loving effort, and skillful writing that make up your story have bewitched me, body and soul.

Wow, this took a direction I couldn't have foreseen. I only started this rant to whine about missing the YAOI acronym

okay you've turned me into an embarrassing jelly goop of a person on the floor over here 😭 I've trained myself to be good at taking compliments but this is making me blush and squirm because it is so beautiful and kind and like do I deserve this???? (yes i do, i keep telling myself, because I believe your sincerity but even my therapy trained brain is too flustered to work correctly 😭😭😭)

but lmaaaoooooooo i love when people fall for my username. the height of humor to me is making people think I'm pretentious but really my brain is just a twelve year old giggling at the word "sex"

[rimeiii]

People were posting resemblances between the different representations of the WHB demons in other media a while back and let me introduce to you the fucker (affectionate) that is GBF Belial. And I implore you to search up Parade's Lust and listen to the song in its entirety. It's a great song and encapsulates Belial perfectly (though I still greatly prefer Paradise Lost over it).

Dude's literally one of my faves in GBF despite him being an antagonist, it's just his raid battle is annoying. And this may have been a snippet from a convo back when his raid first dropped but our sentiments regarding said raid battle remains the same.

Also am I the only one who finds it so unbelievably weird that WHB's Beelzebub has had no overt references to his title as the Lord of the Flies (unless I'm missing something)? One of SMT's renditions of Bubs is a giant fly, and even GBF's has a skill called 'Black Flies' in his raid...

As an aside I love how the Belial trailer in GBVS has a clip of him getting his ass handed to him by Bubs. It really reflects their current relationship; they were forced allies back in What Makes the Sky Blue 2: Paradise Lost, with Belial still being wholly loyal to Lucilius, whose goals (return the world to nothing) are at ends with Beelzebub's goals (take over the entire world).

Also no mention of the entire Fallen race in SMT? They're all demons from the Ars Goetia, and the way some of these demons are so different is quite intriguing I'm ngl. Off the top of my head:

Naberius, or Nebiros, is a necromancer who has one of the most bullshit mechanics in Devil Survivor 2, where he'll continuously revive himself in the place of any living demon teams. In the SMT multiverse, he, with Belial, is responsible for turning Alice into a Fiend by infusing her with demonic magic, causing the human to be driven insane before dying and finally becoming the Fiend she is known for today. All because she wanted to have friends.

Belial is also in SMT! And is so fucking annoying to deal with in Devil Survivor, because he has an NPC stuck in a ring of fire that you have to heal continuously, because she takes damage every turn and her dying is a lose condition. He is a participant of the War of Bel, an ongoing war between the Bel demons to prove themselves worthy to Babel, making them the King of Bel and by extension the king of the demons. He fights the MC as he is the reincarnation of Abel and also part of the War after slaying Beldr. Another fun fact about Belial and Nebiros: in at least one SMT title, the fusion recipe for Alice is Nebiros and Belial, referencing their role in turning Alice into the Fiend we know today.

Eligos, or Eligor, is often an early to midgame demon who specializes in physical skills. He often takes the form of an armored humanoid riding a horse.

Dantalian, or Dantalion, is portrayed as a scholar with many heads, holding a large book. Oftentimes a magic-oriented demon.

Astaroth carried me in midgame SMT Devil Survivor as an early Tyrant demon aha. MP recovery is always nice lmao. He's depicted as a naked, blonde man riding a giant snake.

Morax, in Strange Journey, is the boss of Sector Antlia, the first dungeon of the game. He has a skill called Gehenna, which is a partywide chance to inflict Fear. He's easy as long as you can use ice magic - I fused Apsaras and had other Law demons like Archangel or Hamsa for co-op attacks. Depicted as a humanoid with a bull for a head, he believes humanity's true nature is one of eternal conflict and conquest, reflected in how the latter half of Antlia is a war-torn battlefield.

For the demon kings in SMT, given their associations with the Seven Deadly Sins, they do have their own depictions. The two that I'm most familiar with (and has the largest roles across multiple entries) are Satan and Beelzebub - the latter of which I briefly touched upon earlier. So let's talk Satan first!

Satan, in the SMT multiverse, is on the side of Law, the side associated with angels. As a result, he and Lucifer (the usual Chaos route representative) absolutely detest each other. This is particularly obvious in SMT 2, where he is YHVH's right-hand man and a foe in the Chaos and Neutral routes. Interesting to note is that he betrays YHVH upon realizing His machinations wiped out all life on Earth, which happens on the Law path.

Yeah, the SMT multiverse is kinda fucked up like that. There's a reason why I'm a Neutral route truther, apart from certain endings (like the new Strange Journey Redux endings for all routes).

As for Beelzebub, one of his most relevant roles is as a participant of the War of Bel in Devil Survivor, in which Belial is also a participant. He has a special attack that inflicts the Egg ailment - a ticking time bomb that goes off after one turn, inflicting heavy Almighty damage to the victim and spawning a team of maggot flies right beside the team with the victim. Bring your ailment clears!

As for the angels, apart from the standard SMT fare of Archangels where they're loyal to YHVH's will (although at least once Gabriel isn't as blindly loyal to YHVH as the rest, like in SMT 2), GBF has the Four Primarchs!

Gabriel is the Primarch of water. Kind-hearted and motherly, yet deceptively smart - she destroyed her own wings in What Makes the Sky Blue so her powers cannot be used by the event's antagonist, Sandalphon, to destroy the world.

Michael is the Primarch of fire. A tactician, fierce in battle, and a commander, her close association with combat meant that she had the most trouble adjusting to a peaceful life after the events of What Makes the Sky Blue 3: 000. She tried her hand in acting and is decent enough at it actually!

Raphael is the Primarch of wind. The most silent and thoughtful of the four Primarchs, he is known to be able to heal others using his winds. Also the easiest Primarch to be bullied imo, because Fire has a lot of busted DPS characters in exchange for very limited sustain options (I run Yukata Silva, Wilnas, and Michael - Wilnas has hit 10 mil CA damage with Silva's CA debuff).

Uriel, who was presumably killed by Gabriel in WHB, is the Primarch of earth. Which is ironic in GBF terms, because earth has elemental advantage over water. Anyways, he loves sparring and is the most boisterous among all the Primarchs!

As for other demon references in GBF:

Morax appears once again, this time as Magisa's familiar. Most of her playable forms incorporate her fighting with Morax, usually as a source of additional damage (counted as skill damage for the most part). Also is a dark composition of Summer Magisa, Fediel, and Lich is overkill, because that's my main dark comp...

Mammon is a Primal Beast. Same with Avaritia. They're both event antagonists - Mammon being the main antagonist of Detective Barawa and the Jewel Resort Incident (also depicted as a female in this game!) and Avaritia being the main antagonist of The Inner Light. Both stories are about greed, and The Inner Light in particular talks about how greed can destroy relationships. It's one of the events that made me cry, apart from the What Makes the Sky Blue trilogy, Together in Song, Lonesome Dragoness, Marionette Stars, and you., and Home Sweet Moon.

Leviathan is the Primal Beast who serves as the Auguste Archipelago's guardian. Mellow and gentle, but turned violent due to the Erste Empire's machinations, and the main crew managed to calm him down. Thankfully it never got past the point of going berserk, but the raid battle Leviathan Malice is a decent enough interpretation of what could've happened to him should the Erste Empire continue. Also memed to hell and back because of his sprite, as if he's laughing at your bad drops.

Satan is also a Primal Beast who, ironically, isn't the Satan-adjacent figure (that role goes to Avatar, who looks similar but is a different being entirely). Notably, Satan is part of Lyria's April Fools skin, with him riding on the Demonbream that she's stuck in (it makes sense I swear). Video here - Lyria is the blue-haired girl in white (WHOA-WHOA-YEAH!!!!).

((my wind otk is pitiful - i'm a water and dark main))

Anyways I'll add on to this if I find more, but I just wanna say this sort of shit tickles my GBF and SMT brain a lot. So...

[pinkelotjeart]

I can’t get behind this take at all? First of all it feels like you’re comparing two completely different characters.

Futaba is a kid dealing with agoraphobia and incredible guilt from her mothers death. Her character arc is about over coming those fears. I and many find this a relatable arc as she’s also very autistic coded, I could write a whole essay on how she perfectly encapsulates the autistic experience.

I honestly don’t apreciate the “she’s a bitch ass cry baby who hides in her room”. she’s a 15 year old girl, with actually real world mental illnesses . Her mental struggles aren’t gone immediately, she has a panic attack in a store after not interacting with the outside world in a while because that’s a realistic thing to happen to someone who’s recovering from agoraphobia or social anxiety.

Comparing futaba to Vincent and saying because Vincent exist futaba has no reason to is so weird to me? They are very different even when they share commonalities in being slightly cowardly, but their fears are different.

Vincent is a man who has a consistently struggles with communicating within his relationships by being non confrontational. He has a inferiority complex that makes him scared to speak his own mind. this anxiety gives him a freeze response in situations he deems stressfull.

His story mainly focuses on relationships of the romantic kind. It’s about what it means to be in a relationship, how much of that is tied in traditional values, the compromises that come with being ‘tied down’, and wether that’s even necessary.

That’s thematically COMPLETELY different from a 15 year old processing her trauma and slowly learning how to deal with her mental illness.

Both are great characters with anxiety, but have complete different themes and presentations of that anxiety.

The smt if poll was great! I have a follow up bonus poll idea, but I fear it’s a bit stupider

I don’t think the entire game would be an honorary persona game, we would all agree on that, so I’ll ask…

I mean there are so many reasons either one could be chosen that I’m not 100% sure how this one will go

[batsandbugs]

Daminette December Day 1

AN: I know I said you wouldn’t see me until the end of the week, but it kind of slipped my mind that it was Daminette December, and I need a bit of creative writing to save me from my droll schoolwork. I hope you enjoy this, it’s not very Christmas-y or winter-y or anything, but I hope it fits the prompt well. Btw, feel free to use the moodboard above for your own Daminette December entries this year, just be sure to credit. 😁 Thanks @daminette-december2019-2020 for hosting! 

Day 1 – Inspiration

Marinette couldn’t count the number of times she was asked where her inspiration came from. The question was rather par for the course for an artist. People flooded her Twitter and Instagram begging for behind the scenes looks at what was responsible for her creations; what dug inside her skin or lit the bulb above her head.

As far as she could tell, Marinette had never answered the question with 100% honesty.

When she was younger her answers had been simple; a building, or event, or even a color could send her spiraling, creating beautiful works of art with her mind and hands. Underneath the surface, however, there was always some unknown feeling, a rush of words on the tip of her tongue, wanting to spill forth. But for whatever reason she never was able to fully grasp, the words evaded her, the words that would fully encapsulate her inspiration.  

Those days had long since passed, and the words that had long escaped her came as she grew older. How to explain it properly, without sounding like a mad person, was a different question entirely.

Her inspiration came from the sky; the solid blues, the inky blacks, the warm reds and oranges, and everything in between. The tiny pinpricks of light dotting the night’s expanse, or the warm rays lavishing the earth in warm embrace. It was the cool grey of misty mornings as it stretched over a quiet manor, or the watercolor masterpiece of sunsets spread out across the Parisian skyline. It was the expanse that never ended, always there and always changing.

Her inspiration came from noise; the sounds of creation, the hum of her sewing machine, the crunch of scissors cutting into new fabric, the rustle of fabric as she hand stitched a placement for the third time. It came from the soft scratch of pencil against paper, the low humming that was denied when pointed out, the soft scoff when annoyed. It came from grunts, screams, clashes of metal against metal, and pounding boots across rooftops. It came from whispered reassurances, raucous laughter, and endless teasing.

Her inspiration came from touch; the casual brushes of skin, the ruffles of hair, the victorious fist bumps, the side hugs from friends and family alike. It came from strong warm hands perfect to hold, and catch, and caresses. It came from punches, kicks, and swipes. It came from harsh throws and rough pushes. It came from hurried, longing kisses and desperate embraces.

Her inspiration came from hope.

But also, despair.

Her inspiration came from the good; the drop in her stomach when she fell swung off a building, the smile brought to a child’s face with a simple wave, the rush of magic when the day was saved, the friends made, the enemies defeated, and the family found.

And her inspiration came from the bad; the aching muscles, the stinging cuts, the dripping blood. The endless nights with no sleep, and the hopeless days when you weren’t fast enough. It was the yelling and anger, the fighting and fear.

Her inspiration was the moments where she grasped for the strength to carry the weight of lives on her shoulders. The moments where she looked out at the world and screamed because there wasn’t enough left inside her to give anymore. The moments where she was small and weightless, unmoored in a sea ready to crush her beneath icy waves. The moments where she could do nothing but hold those she loved through tears and recriminations, when the weight of death and dynasty entwined together and made a rope on which to choke with.

Her inspiration was quiet night above the cities she loved – the one of her home and the one of her heart. It was the game nights with family and friends. The meetings with legends, and heroes, and gods. The baked goods and coffee that fueled her waking moments, and the precious memories that lulled her to sleep. It was warm glow of knowing someone and being known in return, even through the endless dark of night.

And how, how, was she supposed to convey that?

Marinette couldn’t, and if she were honest, she never wanted to.

How could she tell the world that her inspiration was life, in all of its beautiful messy glory, and not explain hers to show what she meant?

It was not for the world to know what her inspiration was, merely that it fueled her, and pushed her to greater heights. It was not for the world to know her inner depths, which were for those she loved and who loved her in return. And Marinette was perfectly fine with that.

Permanent Tag List 

@theunquiet-dead @ichigorose @loveswifi​ @octobitch​

[bokoutoe-retired]

— setups, haunted houses, and confessions

characters; daichi sawamura, gn! reader

synopsis; after being set up by sugawara, a pining captain and a smitten team manager stumble their way through a very unplanned ‘date’

total w/c; 2154

warnings; a little mentioned of (implied) fake blood, and i mention clowns and zombies like once, just some normal haunted house stuff. otherwise nothing but awkward pinning here

「 a/n 」 requested by @girlontumblur! so i obviously failed at getting this out like i wanted (i went back and edited last minute smh) 😔🤚 but it’s here now! 😼😼 and i hope this does decent because although it doesn’t flow as well as i wanted it to, i still kinda like it lmao. anyways, daichi simps unite 🤝 enjoy!

you honestly should’ve known something was up the second sugawara approached you after practice with a sly grin plastered on his annoyingly pretty face. you should've known when everyone texted the team group chat with last minute cancelations or excuses for running late. and you definitely should’ve known when daichi was the only one you found sitting at the planned meeting spot. but, you didn’t and neither did he.

now you two were sat alone on the small blue bench. daichi had one of his hands tucked into the pocket of his thick army green jacket and the other hand scrolling through the same group chat you were looking at minutes prior. the two of you had agreed to wait for a little in hopes that maybe one or two other team members might show up. but unbeknownst to either party, both of you also hoped someone would show up and save you the pain of embarrassing yourself in front of the person you had been pining after for nearly three years. daichis phone pinged, interrupting the awkward silence. it was a text from suga and daichi can feel the tips of his ears grow warm as he reads the message;

have fun on your date! ;) -suga

of course it was suga. he shouldn’t have expected anything less from his scheming vice captain. how he got the whole team to go along with it, is a mystery he decides to leave for another day when he hears you speak up from your spot next to him.

 “is anyone else coming?” he’s thrown out of his thoughts when he feels you nudge his shoulder with yours and sees you nod to his phone. he quickly turns it off and pockets it before he turns his attention to you completely.

“i don’t think so, asahi was the last one to check in and he just canceled,” he sighs and shoves his other hand in his pocket. you two have been close friends for years, but a few recent incidents, (perhaps incited by suga now that he thinks about it…) have left you walking on eggshells around each other. all in attempt to not admit your feelings, the same feelings that are completely obvious to everyone except yourselves.

“oh.. well, i don’t mind if you don’t?” you wring your hands together in your lap as you look at him.

“yeah, yeah of course not. we’re already here aren’t we?” he gives you that big, warm smile you love so much. it’s practically infectious as you feel a wide grin spread across your face too. “lets go, yeah?” he stands up from the bench, and doesn’t hesitate to offer you his hand. you happily allow him to help hoist you up off the bench, but have to resist the urge to intertwine your fingers with his.

the walk to the pumpkin farm and haunted house combination is only about fifteen minutes, but the awkward silence from before is gone. replaced by comfortable conversation about your responsibilities as team captain and manager respectively, funny stories about your friends or talk about your shared classes. you’re so involved with the conversation neither of you notice the way you walk with your shoulders pressed together. maybe it’s a subconscious pull to one another or maybe just an attempt to escape the chill of the late fall air. 

upon your arrival, you can see the towering entrance archway, made of large sticks and corn stalks. built up into a curve with twinkle lights woven throughout. it welcomes you into the family owned farm turned halloween attraction. underneath the arch, families enter and exit, some with children in their costumes and some with parents carrying pumpkins. some young couples and teenage friend groups pass through as well. the small apple cider stand surrounded by hale bales emits that sweet spiced scent that so perfectly encapsulates autumn.

the original “plan” as stated by suga was to just go through the haunted house together and get some food together, just some team bonding. but without the lovable burden of the entire karasuno volleyball club with you, it’s easy for you and daichi to leisurely make your way around the entire farm and participate in all of it’s available activities. you made your way through a hay bale maze together. it may have been meant for children but you had fun regardless, laughing when you got separated and teasing each other when you hit a dead end. you got the treat of watching daichi attempt to bob for apples, and get nothing except for a slightly damp shirt collar.

you even purchased a bag of animal feed for you and daichi to share. you went around petting and feeding goats and a few chickens. at some point you reached into the small brown paper bag right when daichi did. your fingers brushed his and you both pulled back like you had been burned. each of you flusteredly spitting out apologies, until he takes a deep breath, chuckles and shakes head, telling you not to worry about it and it’s no big deal. his strong voice and calm words are a stark contrast to his worried apologies just seconds earlier, but it’s enough for you to relax and continue on with the afternoon.

eventually, daichi leads you to sit down across from him at a wooden table and you’re quick to fall into comfortable conversation. all while the warmth of the apple cider he had just bought you seeps into your fingers and keeps them warm.

if you didn’t doubt yourself so much, you would’ve thought this felt exactly like some sort of date happening. the two of you together, spending time doing things any real couple would. at the same time, similar thoughts raced through daichis mind. he thought about how much this must look like a date to any people passing, and how much he really did wish that was the case. to be able to call you his own and take you out on cute dates like this whenever you wanted. too concerned with his cheeks dusting red at the thought, he fails to notice the similar blush presenting itself on your face.

it’s so easy to get caught up as you keep talking with daichi, you don’t notice the sun starting to set and you don’t even catch him gazing at you with that soft look in his eyes. 

you crack a joke during your story about some of tanaka and noyas shenanigans and he laughs. he laughs this hearty, bright laugh that makes your chest tighten and your own smile widen. i’d like to make him laugh like that for the rest of my life you think.

“you know, i’m a little relieved. with the entire team here it would’ve been hectic to say the least,” he lets out another laugh at the thought of the whole club wreaking havoc on the poor farm, “and you know… i’m glad i got to spend time with you too. it was nice and i’m having a really good time” his soft smile is just as sincere as his words.

“i did too, daichi. thank you for today, i really had fun” you smile back at him and take a sip of your cider.

“ah ah! don’t say thank you yet, y/n. we’ve still got one last thing to do,” he shoves a thumb over his shoulder in the direction of the haunted house. from your spot at the table you can see the flash of the strobe lights and artificial fog trickling from the attraction. “maybe we should go get in line?”

you nod, and he once again offers you his hand to help you stand. and just like before you resist the nagging push in the back of your mind to just intertwine your fingers with his. you make your way over, tossing your empty cider cups into the trash as you walk.

you purchase your tickets, or more so daichi buys both of them despite you insisting it’s your turn to pay after he bought cider, and get in the line of about ten people.

“you know i didn’t really consider the fact i wouldn’t have the whole team to hide behind anymore” you rock and back and forth on your feet, as you hear a couple of screams echo from inside the house.

“what, is your captain not big and strong enough to protect you?” he teases while flexing one arm.

“oh stop it, you know what i meant” you playfully roll your eyes and poke him in the ribs right before he swats your hand away.

“just remember, if you take me out now you won’t have anyone to hide behind” by now the line has moved up and there’s only two or three people in front of you.

they group in front of you goes and suddenly you and daichi are up next. the front of the haunted house is decaying and covered in those sticky store-bought cobwebs. you drop your tickets in the box and with a wave of their hand an employee motions you forward into the entrance.

you make your way through the halls of the attraction, going through different themed sections. a circus tent full of crazed clowns, a bloodied butchers shop, and zombies kept back by chain fences. each hall comes with its own set of spooks and scares. creepy sound effects, banging on the walls all around you and air machines puffing air into your face. you don’t even attempt to hide your terror as you scream and even grab onto daichis arm. he lets out his own shouts of fear, but manages to put on his tough act at least partially. you notice him place himself in front of you slightly as you walk, the arm you cling to held in front of your body protectively, although there was no true danger. you’d probably think something of it if you weren’t too distracted by the adrenaline pumping in your veins. it’s not all scary though, a couple of daichis screams make you giggle and act as momentary distraction from your surroundings. a particularly high pitched yelp of his has you gripping the back of his shirt, doubled over laughing. but a loud bang that rattles the wall next to your gives you a start and you keep venturing forward through the house.

you think you’re finally in the clear when you're walking down the hall that leads to the exit off the back of the house. you see an employee dressed in all black at the end directing people around the side of the house and back to the front. but it’s only when you feel your heartbeat start to slow that you hear the chainsaw start and the screams of the group behind you and daichi. you’re heartbeat picks up again and out of pure instinct you lurch forward. you make it out the hall and into the small gravel field behind before you realize daichi still had himself in front of you. you’re too late to react and go barreling into him. the momentum brings both of you tumbling forward into the gravel. you land halfway on top of him but his reflexes are much better than your own and they help keep you from going too far. one arm keeps you from rolling and the other cradles your head to his chest to prevent you from hitting it. the loud buzz of the chainsaw fades as the actor chases the friend group around the side of the house for a short distance. you immediately sit yourself up and attempt to apologize between labored breaths.

“oh god, daichi. i- i’m so sorry, i just heard the chainsaw and i started moving. i didn’t even think. i understand now why you don’t like me back now. i’m so sorry” you hang your head in apology, not even registering the words that slip from your mouth in your scramble to say sorry.

“what?” he asks, stunned.

“...what?” you echo back slowly before the realization hits you hard. you struggle to spit out an explanation and you feel your face heat up, “i just meant-” 

daichis look of shock morphs into a soft smile as he cuts you off with another one of his warm laughs and uses the hand at the back of your neck to pull you down. his lips meet yours in a kiss thats just as warm and solid as him. he pulls away after a moment only to rest your foreheads together and smile at you softly 

“does that mean?” you breathe out, smiling back hopefully.

“yes, yes it does,” he chuckles and stands up from the ground. daichi offers you his hand one last time, you take it and pull yourself up. but unlike any previous offers, you don’t hesitate to lace your fingers with his.

[lady-griffin]

The extra comic in volume 6 is max adorbs. Any thoughts about it?

I just saw the comic. Super cute and rather insightful.

I love that those small details expanded on the characters and fleshed them out some more. 

I’m sure if you asked me what the harem’s most precious items were, I would’ve given items solely tied to Katarina - so I’m really glad that wasn’t the case, actually.

For some of them yes, but it made sense for said characters. 

Geordo - First Snake Toy 

I don’t know if ever wrote it down in one of my theories or in a response to question, but I had the head-canon that either Geordo or Alan kept the first snake toy. I thought it would be very endearing if it was Geordo, but I was leaning towards Alan being the one, as it was overall such a happy memory for him and the day when things truly changed.

I’m really happy that Geordo kept the snake. It’s sweet. I am curious to how he thinks it will help to get Katarina to do what he wants, because I’m not exactly following his logic - perhaps it’s explained more in the actual novel? (Haven’t read yet, no spoilers)

 I think it encapsulates their relationship rather perfectly.

It’s a “weapon” that Katarina developed to save herself from Geordo. 

Similar, to Alan, I think Katarina learning Geordo is afraid him of snakes made her realize (to some degree) that he’s real and not the perfect two-dimensional prince from her game who had no weaknesses or flaws.

It’s also a literal representation of how weird and different Katarina is from literally everyone else. And just how truly unpredictable she is.

I mean think about it from Geordo’s perspective.

Not only did Katarina learn about his fear of snakes, but what did she do with that information? She literally weaponized his fear against him No one else would have ever done that. Even some of his rivals at the time (Keith or Mary) wouldn’t have done that, but his fiancé did.

And there is no logical explanation for why Katarina would do such a thing. A prank? To try to scare him? Why?

It’s such a great example of the complex, unpredictable puzzle that is one Katarina Claes. A puzzle that Geordo, despite how well he knows her, still hasn’t figure out.

Also, this was probably the first time, Geordo ever showed her his Dark-Hearted self. His scary look, terrifying both Katarina and Alan, and when he smiled sweetly and asked what’s she doing and where her mother is. As well as him threatening to tell on her and despite her begging him not to,  he goes through with it. 

And from Alan’s POV we know that Geordo’s smile was also a happy one, he truly was having a good time with Katarina – teasing her and making her suffer just a little bit.

It’s just extra sweet and really endearing. 

Alan - Musical Sheet

I love that his most precious item was something that Geordo gave him and that he was embarrassed by it. So cute.

Keith - Pocket Watch

Really, if someone asked me what his most precious item was, I would assume it would be a gift from Katarina. But it being a gift from his parents (and Katarina as a way of them showing him he is a Claes and their son, and is one of them, is just so much better. 

I loved that!!!

Mary - Mother’s Necklace

I liked that it was her mother’s necklace. It’s very normal and simple, but I think that’s what makes it effective. I also like that while it has nothing to do with Katarina, but she brings up that Katarina thought it was pretty.

Which makes me think that Mary showed it to Katarina when they were younger and she was probably very nervous of what Katarina thought about it as she knew  it wasn’t very fashionable for the current time and her sisters probably made fun it. 

So, when Katarina said it was pretty, Mary must have been so happy, not just for the compliment, but just because someone was being kind to her.

While I think Mary and her love is very similar whether it’s for Alan or Katarina, there is a slight difference, I can’t help thinking of.

When Mary improved herself to be the perfect wife and a worthy partner for Alan, I think it was also out of a need to prevent any future bullying. Looking how talented, skilled, smart and perfect she is – what is there to even criticize. But I wonder, if she had the fear that if others learn (including Alan) of how much work she had to put in to become that way, would they think less of her or make fun of her?

When Mary improved herself to be a worthy companion of Katarina, it started out the same as it was from Alan. But Katarina learned about the work Mary was doing and how hard it was and instead of making fun of her for trying so hard, Katarina was impressed and in awe. 

And in general, I think Katarina’s kindness and always being supportive of Mary, made Mary realize she deserves better treatment from others.

Maria -  Scarf (Mother’s gift)

I have the headcanon that this was the first gift that Maria’s mother has given her in sometime do to their strained and repressed relationship. So, it’s just very sweet that it’s Maria’s most precious item. 

It’s also just a nice symbol of their relationship improving and overall the fact that it is in a far better place than it was earlier on.

Nicol - Fountain Pen

I really loved that it was something he inherited from his father and it’s a very practical gift (but has meaning for the two of them). That just seemed very Nicol and something I wouldn’t have thought of.

I also like the connection of his father using it when he was aiming for Prime Minister (to be with the one he loved) and he hopes that Nicol will do the same for Katarina -- not become Prime Minister, necessarily, but actively fight for her. 

Sophia - Sophia and the Emerald Princess

This would’ve been my choice and it just works. 

Katarina is Sophia’s first friend and this is the book they bonded over. Also the way Katarina complimented her appearance was similar to the book. And just, Katarina was the Emerald Princess for Sophia and her hero and in a way, Katarina was like a fictional character out of a book to Sophia (which is a nice little twist, unintentional or not).

This unbelievable person, who is a highborn lady, beautiful, and impossibly kind and she thinks Sophia is also beautiful and has no fear or disgust in her eyes when she looks at Sophia. The person who showed Sophia the beauties of the outside world and introduced her to new people and new friends and who saved Sophia.

I just…of course that book is Sophia’s most precious item

Raphael –

Poor baby, just let him rest.

Sora – Katarina’s Jewel/Brooch

I loved that it’s the Jewel that Katarina gave, because of course it is. I personally have two head canons about it -

1. Sora wears it as an accessory (a brooch) and is very open about how it’s a gift from Katarina and it represents their bond and relationship. And everyone, particularly Geordo and Keith, just hate him for it. Geordo definitely wants a present like that from Katarina, but has no idea how to ask for it and Sora is just so goddamn smug when he rubs it in everyone’s faces.

2. Sora tells no one how he came by the jewel but the others have seen him playing with it in his hand or staring at it and smiling softly to himself. Raphael asked and to his surprised Sora actually blushed and quickly pocketed it, while rambling on with a very obvious lie from where it came from. Raphael quickly realizes it was something to do with Katarina and while he feels jealousy, he is honestly just too tired to deal with the prospect of another rival.

Anne – Everything Katarina has given her

Super sweet and lovely. I also love the running gag of Anne ending the questionnaire and everyone (especially Geordo and Mary) are super jealous of her answers.

But everyone is jealous and desperately wants a passionate letter from Katarina telling them not to got through with a marriage to another person.  Because of course!

 It was simple and cute, but I thought  really expanded on some of the characters and each item fit each of them nicely.

I do wish we got a specific item form Katarina, that would’ve been interesting. (Doesn’t have to be from a member of the Harem)

[anuspastor]

For the ask: 💜☕️😳👶👀⭐️🎲💊💬✏️ (sorry that there are ten, i just want to know everything sjflksdjlfjs)

THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR THE ASK! <33333 (small yet medium-long penis) 💜 - top 3 favorite lines (they’re all gonna be derived from Romance Campaign just saying lhjfk;f)

1) “Your mouth was filled with shit water,” Nick whispered, and was gone with the cans. Like, come on klafkalfka'fka'f

2) Even so, to Ellis he looked like the most beautiful man he’d ever seen, and he felt like he fell in love all over again. I am out here supporting helplessly in love mechanics alkfa;kfalkfa’

3) “Oh, Aah’m faahn. Great actshully. Poopin’ in nature brings out the best in a person.” He grinned at her, taking delight in her disgusted face. Okay, so this is a spoiler from the upcoming chapter (13) of RC, but it perfectly encapsulates my personality of a 5 year old kak;aflaf'lkaf'

☕️ - favorite passage The gambler was suddenly confronted by all the efficient defenses he’d built over the years—they were there to serve as his fortress, to keep him safe. They’ve been set for others and meant for others. They’ve been built with deliberate care and reinforced by a steel-cold exterior.

But what could he do now that that same exterior was cracking—melting under Ellis’ heat? Should he try to desperately fix it back together or give up entirely? In this life you had to have an edge, but what was Nick to do now that Ellis took that same edge, putting it against his throat and trusting him to do the right thing? Could it hurt to trust just as fiercely and let himself love and be loved without malicious intents?

😳 - your scariest line

Years later Nick would thank whatever tingle ran down his spine at that moment because when he turned, Ellis was on the ground, his work shoes the only thing visible. (it’s either this or revealing the wall of flies)

👶 - advice for new writers

Oh, oh oh! I love this one, as I am pretty conscious of the progress I've made. So, to be honest, I could be considered a beginning author myself: I started writing January of last year. I have had tried writing two years prior, but it wasn't anything I'd managed to keep up. So, my advice is -- read. Read books, read articles, take a moment to look at how a paragraph is structured in a book; it will all help you express yourself more smoothly. I'd also say avoid putting too many metaphors, but there are certain styles where it works out very well (nudges at YOUR style, cheeks). Also, if you ever read any of those "writer tips" online, please, do not follow them letter for letter -- they are meant to guide, not take over. Also -- strong verbs. I hope this helped! 

👀 - favorite response to one of your works

Oh, man aklfaklfa;kfa;kfa; First of all, I love all responses to my works, but you, cheeks, have made some of the most eloquent and heart-melting comments on my works. Yet, there is one that makes me scream every time I hear it -- I have Nick and Ellis' dynamic down. I'm always self-conscious of the fact that I might write Nick too soft or too caring (especially in my embarrassing first chaps), but to be honest, the man deserves it. As you have said stressful situations bring out the best, worst and most secret in a person. Also he's still an asshole, just a little less so.

⭐️- how do you get your inspiration?

Well, honestly? Over fixating on small everyday details (memories of my grandma covering me with a blanket in the cold mornings, a news article with explicit photos of exploded legs, conversations I might overhear etc.) But also, books. Even if it's a different language I'd still find a phrase that's just so... well, inspirational! It wakes a certain vibe within me. I try to translate it in my head and it comes out bad, yet just the feeling it gives me is already enough to make me start writing. Because, I do have a pretty hard vibe to pinpoint lmaooo

🎲 - your favorite chapter/part from a multiparty series

Ok, so, cheeks your writing is supreme and all chapters make me go through the 7 gates of the willy wonka factory, but chapter 4... it tore me in ham slices and sewed me back together. I cannot recommend people read this fic enough, even if you're not part of that fandom or are not familiar of those characters (like me) -- it's SO worth it.

ortbitoclasst's Heavy Rain

Oh, but also, the first chapter of Sono Qui. It's a Nicolo and Yusuf fic, set in their first battle together and it's so beautifully written!

💊 - what is something that you wish you knew before you started writing?

To not take all that writing advice you find on the internet so seriously, first of all, but also that I can and will learn everything and that it's all gonna be alright. I always feared that I wouldn't know how to continue to the next chapter or that I wouldn't be able to give the exact description of an atmosphere or object that I had in my head. Not to worry, it all comes into place. Just never stop writing.

💬 - describe one of your completed works in three words

LMAOOO I only have one (1) complete work, which is Butt Scratch. But hmmmmm: warm, relaxing, drum.

✏️ - favorite part about writing

I guess it’s just... giving myself a present? There are many amazing works and AU’s, and prompts and alternatives out there, yet none will ever come as close as my head cannons or how I see characters. I write a story that I love and just amaze myself every time with the things I can think of. I just love thinking of something while I'm riding my bike and just being so breathless as I stop immediately to type it on my phone with shaky fingers. I love the adrenaline it gives me when I'm chasing after a thread of words -- words that might disappear and be lost if I do not type fast enough. I love how a single string of words, a paragraph, a page full of indescribable babbling makes my cheeks red and my body bouncing in excitement. I just love it, man aklfklafl;akfk

Man, this was so fun aklfaf;kaf;kaf. Thank you again for asking, cheekers. I love you.

[tomatograter]

do you have any thoughts on trans girl jake? i thought their narrative and character arc on being specialized by the others, and being comfortable about themself will wrap up nicely with them ending up as a transgirl!! it defies what people expects of them, and breaks them out of the traditional idealized reoccurring masculinity theme (which jake was obviously uncomfortable with)

(what follows is my personal thoughts, i’m not laying down the word of God, i just have Thots on Jake English ALSO THIS IS A PRETTY LONG POST? IM SORRY. i promise i will include pics.) 

Jake English is a gender mimic. He’s the ‘raised by wolves’ trope, except instead of literally being raised by dog like Grandpa Harley he had a few years with Jade and then mostly nothing but the monsters at lusii island and a crap-ton of escapist media. He’s used to having a full playing field where he can indulge in unquestioned fantasy, and that comes in the form of his Indiana + Croft sexy 2000′s hero persona that is comfortable for him (and its worthy of note how one is Peak masculinity and the other is Peak femme fatale) until he has to really interact with real people with Expectations and Biases. 

This is where i need to talk about the alphas. It’s nearly impossible to talk about Jake without talking about how he adapts around other people, specially the ones that he truly gives a shit about. Jake selectively picks the opinions that matter to him, and these are mostly what the other alphas think. (Compare to how he speaks over Erisol, jesters around Caliborn, and mostly pumps his own self pity with Tavrosprite for compliments- If you don’t want to count the epilogues scene he has with Davekat which mostly boils down to “you might have a point, but i’m loyal to jane, so you’ll have to really convince me of politics.”)

What holds him back from dating Dirk is Jane’s opinion, and What Jane Could Think (which is in no way jane’s fault, just his overthinking) because unlike dirk’s high octane masculinity, she’s the pillar of sitcom normalcy in his life. She lives in the real world, mostly removed from the bullshit the rest of the alphas are in, and she’s written to be the ideal generic romcom youth living a perfectly picture worthy life. The disastrous conversation where Jane denies her feelings is prompted by Jake finding confirmation she’s into him via Roxy- and he immediately grows nervous of that meaning she wouldn’t “approve” him going any other way, or that it’d be weird for a boy like him. And he needs to be sure before anything else- and also every step of the way, which will eventually exhaust her because its a load of bullshit and not her responsibility.  It’s not that he doesn’t want to, it’s more that he’s afraid what others will think if he wants.

But he’s never direct about it. He just brings things up and lets people get their own opinions from it- because he’s REALLY passive about conflict and he’d rather solve things with the least amount of struggle possible, always. He just needs confirmation. And then comes this bit:

I read this bit of text in 2 ways: 1) Jake realizing pretty soon that his attractions aren’t limited to gender. & 2) Jake realizing pretty soon that gender is just a big ole scam, and that he couldn’t care less if it weren’t for outside perception of him. It’s just another performance!

Jake’s ongoing theme is that he hates being perceived (be it sexually, mentally, personally, in the sense that he abhors judgement and objectification and is afraid of being known) just as much as he gets by freely by allowing others to project whatever they want onto him- and he’s not bound to complying unless it’s shit he enjoys. He’s an indulgence chamber. He doesn’t want to be bound by rules or expectations partly because he’s sort of a lukewarm coward and partly because he thrives in contradiction. And all that sounds pretty dandy, but it doesn’t means he’s exempt from anxiety of what others think of him every step of the way and what that means to his projected image. Brain Ghost Dirk is part dirk splinter, part jake constantly asking himself ‘what would dirk do?’ because he thinks he’s not capable on his own.

and its where we get my favorite line:

“i dont WANNA be a man and i dont WANNA punch her in the face!” Maybe 2000′s action heroes who shoot first and ask questions later are, generally, sort of pretty stupid? And his fantasy can only go so far before it becomes something all too real he doesn’t want to be a part of? THIS is the line. I’ve already written about this bit before, in how Jake’s sexuality and the denial of his agency over it are traditionally a feminine narrative applied to a character desperately trying to be the quirky male lead of an adventure story. He really wants to be both. He doesn’t want to be forced to choose or to subscribe to one extreme. He wants his cake and he’s going to fucking eat it, too.

The crockertier Jane/Jake scene encapsulates everything jake wants to project, Indiana & Croft, and spins it on its head: he would rather die than be the big man hero and hurt jane (and he does die for it, later) & becoming the femme fatale means giving up what little agency he has for other people’s eyecandy benefits. and maybe that really fucking sucks? He loves these concepts but he also really hates the reality of them? That’s the concept of Jake.

But despite all that, he’s generally comfortable with his masculinity to the point of neutrality unless somebody else brings up The Norms and how he’s betraying them by not being the definition of a cishet dude. All the alphas have a very tricky relationship with gender performance, and they rely on notions of eachother. ( https ://twitter. com/hulknaps/ status/1133205821024800769?s=20 ) But Jake relies on the alphas to define him based on the moment. He adapts to different people in different ways. he switches often, because the persona he’s constructed is not solidly him, just one of many detachable masks of convenience. the aspect of transformation or characters with chameleon features is all over his intro page too, even if it starts as a red herring that he might be lord english.

Just count how many references you can make to alter-egos, transformations, ‘avatars’, multiple personalities or forms in this one page. i’ll make some of them easy: Mystique, Ghost rider, Hulk, his beloved Avatar, all rely on the concept of having fluid forms. Two of them are also blue ladies! did you know there’s a blue hulk and he’s a goofy jock? i’m going offtopic, but you grasp the idea.

I’m utterly subscribed to the idea of Jake being GNC/nonbinary/genderfluid or simply slapping a big ‘agender’ on it. I give dirk shit for always running from the gay label out of fear, but jake sort of does this too, relying strongly on not being defined and doing whatever feels best at the moment. It also fits his aspect and denizen, but those are more abstract references.

and since i dont know how to better end this bit of meta, here’s a little section of Mystique, blue lady extraordinary and one of his beloved characters. make of it what you will.

[tres-spades-hotel]

The Adventures of Avaline

Chapter 1 – A Star Crossed Myth

I remember the last moments of my life. I was walking the streets of Tokyo, a city that I had recently called home. For 2 years, the hustle and bustle of life in the city was no different to my home in England. Anywhere and everywhere was something new and something big. All the time. You could never really get a break in a world expecting you to be obedient and loud.

Introverted as I was, I never found a place I could call home. A real home. I was too shy, too quiet, too little, too… me. My name was Olivia, it means an olive tree oddly enough. A caring, mature woman who didn’t take risks because she didn’t want to get hurt. I had many chances to do something meaningful with my life, to help the world be a better place, to help people, to help humans, and I blew it. Literally.

That day, I was walking without knowing that my life would end. Two cars were out of control. Drunk drivers I guess… or maybe it was all preordained. Two red cars were speeding from opposite directions. One of them was in the wrong lane, that’s how they both crashed.

She was a small girl though. Couldn’t have been more than 5 years old. I have never done anything in my life that meant I would be remembered but I suppose in my last few minutes, I really did do something good.

Crossing the street, she followed her mother slowly who was too engrossed in her phone conversation and the baby sibling in the buggy. That girl was in danger and I acted. I don’t know what came over me but the next thing I knew, I had dropped my bag and ran for her. I screamed something and the girl turned around at the maniac scrambling towards her. I twisted my ankle because of my heels but I was able to push her backwards just in time.

Her eyes held fear and confusion. But she was also curious. I may never see those eyes again. The cars crashed, destroying the bonnets and my skull was smashed to smithereens.

What could I do but think that she will live on, remembering what it is that I had died for. Her survival in a cut-throat world where cars are the animals and money is the meat that you fight for. It will be a very long time before I see that society again.

*

…

……..

…………………

What?

Where am I?

A blinding light cuts through the darkness like a knife slicing through butter. My eyelids flutter open. A beautiful golden palace stands before me with pillars and statues and a large staircase up to the entrance. But why does it look so familiar?

A thin river slithers across the ground in front of the building. Gorgeous flowers and grass and insects live freely in the warm sun. It’s not too hot and it’s not too cold, it is just the right temperature to stand and soak in the sunlight. I would love to live here if I could.

Wait.

Wait, hold on a second!

Isn’t that…?

This palace couldn’t be the one from Star Crossed Myth… could it? It looks just like the CG whenever the MC or the gods came to the….

Am I in the Heavens?

But that’s impossible! For one, I died. I remember that clearly. And two, SCM is just a visual novel. A game to read and make choices and fall in love with the characters. It’s a fantasy story which doesn’t exist.

Does it?

I try to take a step forward, but my foot accidently pulls the hem of a material. Looking down, I see a golden cream dress with a lace bodice and three-quarter sleeves. My hands wear golden accessories. My fingers feel my ears which are adorned with large earrings and they make their way to my silky soft black hair tied back in a braided crown. Even my skin feels flawlessly smooth.

My  body seems to have changed too. I’ve become thinner and more curvy, although my chest is still as large as ever. But my back and shoulders aren’t aching because of the weight. My bum’s a little bit rounder and my legs are close to being twigs. That’s probably why I feel taller. On my feet are high heels but I stand perfectly on the dirt.

What the heck is going on? Who am I? Am I still me? Was I… reborn?

Well, if I remember correctly, the MC was reborn too but that was only because Huedhaut was the one who sacrificed the stars in his eyes to recycle her soul. And she was a goddess to begin with. But there’s no way that happened to me. I don’t know any gods. I’m not a goddess.

Looking at the palace, it no longer seems beautiful but a mysterious building with answers to questions I have yet to discover. I take a deep breath and head towards the Palace of the Heavens.

*

Inside, the hallways are exactly as they are in SCM. Everything is connected with doors and corners. The windows are really amazing, just about bringing together the ceiling and the floor. The hallways are also very, very, very wide. So many people… oh I mean gods…. in one hallway at once.

As I walk through the Palace, I start to hear murmurs and whispers of the gods who pass me.

‘Who is that?’

‘I don’t know but she is beautiful.’

Some goddess’ pass by and I hear more whispers.

‘I thought it was Lord Leon but it’s a goddess.’

‘She does seem very powerful, who is she?’ Shamelessly gossiping about a woman they’ve never seen before is rude, no? And did they say Lord Leon? And did they just call me powerful? There’s no way that’s true though. I still don’t know what I look like yet, so I have no idea if I look even remotely ‘beautiful’.

Ignoring them, I notice that many of them wear uniforms, most of which are Wishes and Punishments but there are some that I do not recognise. Some which have never been mentioned in the stories of Star Crossed Myth.

I wonder how many of the twelve zodiac gods are here in the palace at the moment. Has The Dark King waged his war on the Heavens? Did Leon become King? Has the MC been reborn? Is Clotho, the Goddess of Fate, even alive right now? So many questions and the only being in this world who I can ask is the King of the Heavens. I really hope he exists here.

Upon turning a corner, however, I stop when I hear a voice.

‘Lord Leon, are you going somewhere? May I accompany you?’

‘Sorry, I’d like to be alone.’

I slowly peek around the corner and see the one and only Wild Lion of the Heavens strolling through a jungle of babbling gods. My breath hitches in my throat as I contain my cough. Leon, the God of Leo, stops for no one at all, only passing by and rejecting the advances of the goddess’ around him. That’s right, in Leon’s Musings on Love, he showed the MC his past. A very lonely past. Gods and goddess’ spoke freely about Leon as if he were an object, like he was invisible to them. But because he doesn’t say anything, they continue to do so and fill the hallways with gossip and rumour. The MC felt bad for him and I do too. He’s loved and hated by all, feared and respected by all, but who knows his heart? Who knows his mind? Who knows his fears? His thoughts?

As he comes around the corner, I hide behind a god in front of me. Somehow, Leon passes by without taking notice of me. Maybe he’s too immersed in his thoughts to see me.

But…

Even though his back and shoulders seem so strong, they also look so alone to me. I can’t help myself. I’m going to follow him. I know where he’s going anyway.

*

The church. The door is left slightly ajar, so I press my ear against it.

‘… A divine minister, huh? Me… as powerful as the king…?’ His whispers are carried to me by a silent messenger of the air. To have so much responsibility and expectations put on him, Leon had no one to confine in.

I try to sneak in undetected, but it doesn’t work. The door sends a creek into the hollow church which echoes far more dramatically than it should. Sitting on a bench at the front, the auburn hair whips around at the sudden sound. I tumble out and awkwardly stand as Leon rises, the confusion evident on his face. He seems pretty young, so he looks a lot cuter and more adorable. I smile naturally at the thought but that makes Leon glare at me.

‘What are you doing here?’ His words sting as they bounce towards me and I flinch. His voice is deep and strong and straight to the point. No beating around the bush.

Oh.

Maybe he thinks I follo- wait I did follow him. What am I saying? I did follow him but not for what he is thinking. Maybe he thinks I am going to come onto him or something. I walk a little closer so that we can see each other clearer. His uniform is just like his sprite in the title and his facial features are perfect. But when I look into his eyes, I’m awe-struck. The stars in his eyes are beautiful. They’re in the shape of the Leo star sign. The stars shine bright in his copper eyes and now it’s hard to look away. I’ve always found it difficult to keep eye contact with anyone but with him, it feels so natural.

His eyes suddenly widen. He looks surprised and more confused somehow. I wonder what he is thinking. What should I say though? He wasn’t expecting anyone, and this never happened in the story so what do I do?! Should I introduce myself? Tell him I was mistaken and that I’ll leave?

The longer the silence surrounds us, the more nervous I feel. He’s not saying anything, and I never answered his question. What am I doing here? 

Actually. 

I have an idea.

My heels click-clack quickly on the marbled floor of the church. Before I know it, I’ve crossed the distance between us. My arms encircle his torso and I hug him for dear life. His body tenses under my touch and I can tell his arms are hovering in the air. Leon’s body feels muscular underneath the clothes he wears, and his warmth encapsulates me completely. My head rests perfectly over his chest. The sound of his heartbeat thunders in my ears as I take in the sweet scent of flowers radiating from him. I hug him a little bit tighter as I try to take all the warmth that I can. I’ve never been so intimate with a man, let alone a god, before so this affection that I give Leon is surprising to me too.

I loosen my death grip ever so slightly and look up at him. He looks down with his eyes narrowed.

‘You know, it’s said that if you hug someone for 30 seconds, they begin to feel better.’ Leon’s confusion grows but I think he knows what I mean.

‘That’s ridiculous, how can a simple hug make someone feel better?’ His words seem harsh, but I feel his arms embrace me. I smile into his chest, happy to know that he’s not completely heartless.

‘I don’t really know how to explain it in a way that you will understand but you seemed… sad, for lack of a better word, so I wanted to help.’ I hug him again tighter than before. His body relaxes a bit after my semi-explanation.

I hear him mumble something, but I don’t catch it in time.

Thirty seconds seems far too short. I should have said thirty minutes! Reluctantly, I let go of Leon fully and put a few feet of distance between us. The cool air in the church fill in the gaps and I feel cold without him.

‘If you ever feel lonely or need a hug to feel better, then I am here for you. You don’t have to bear everything on your own, Leon.’ I accidently say his name more casually than I should in this world so I give a quick smile and a wave and dash out as quickly as I can.

I hope he believes me.

*

I need to see the King right away. Now that I know what part of the SCM timeline I am in, I now know that Zyglavis must also be here in the Palace. Although, if I come across him I might clam up. What should I say? I don’t know who I am, what I am, why I am here. If I’m a goddess, what am I the goddess of? What’s my special ability? How do I-

‘Ah!’ I bump into a god who is almost double my height and I immediately recognise who he is. Zyglavis stands tall, very tall in fact, in front of me and the nerves take over.

‘Please watch where you are going, the hallways can be very busy at this time.’ His stern attitude makes me stand up a little straighter. I almost salute to him military style.

‘Um, I’m sorry. I am looking for the throne room.’ He raises his eyebrows.

‘Oh, and for what purpose?’ Wait, what should I say now?

‘I, uh, I have… an urgent matter to speak with the King.’ I say but he doesn’t seem convinced.

‘What kind of urgent matter?’

‘I-It’s for the King’s ears only…’ I reply and he narrows his eyes at me. He is truly terrifying when being questioned.

‘Very well, I will take you to His Highness. Follow me.’ Zyglavis turns quickly and I scramble to obey. Even rushing behind him, I feel his powerful aura.

Hard to believe that right now, he’s the Vice Minister of Punishments. And he’s right, everybody seems pretty busy. I wonder if it’s a holiday or something on Earth, maybe that’s why they’re rushing around.

‘Um…’ I start to say but then it hits me that I don’t have a name to give. I can’t give my human name in case I already have one.

‘What?’

‘Oh, um, what is your name?’ I hurry to walk beside him, and I hear him sigh.

‘My name is Zyglavis, the God of Libra and the Vice Minister of the Department of Punishments.’

‘That… sounds like a big responsibility.’

‘It is, but I am glad to have it if it means protecting the humans on Earth.’

‘You must really love the humans. I’m sure they’re very lucky to have you as their protector.’ I compliment him but I do mean it. Once he’s promoted, he’ll do a lot more good things.

He doesn’t say anything, so I look up, but he is already looking at me. I notice the stars in his eyes look just like the Libra star sign. They look equally as beautiful as Leon’s.

‘Are you new here?’ He asks.

‘Well, yes. I need to speak to the King… about which Department I’ll be joining…’ I say hesitantly.

‘Then why didn’t you say that before?’

‘Well, I’m still struggling to believe that I’m here, you know?’

‘I understand. The Palace can be a busy place, so I suggest you take care not to become entangled in gossip. Make sure to work hard at your best.’

‘I will… Lord Zyglavis.’ I smile up and he continues walking.

Eventually, we reach a hallway that’s different to the others in the Palace. There are large pillars and images are etched into the surfaces.

‘What are these images? Are they of the past?’ I ask, pointing to one of a man holding up the sun.

‘In a way, yes. Now come, the King must be waiting for you.’

‘Ah, okay!’ I hurry to follow but make a mental note to come back and study the pictures some more.

The double doors open to the throne room. A long red carpet leads all the way to the throne where the King of the Heavens sits. I stop myself from smiling out of nervousness.

‘Your Highness, this young goddess is here to work under your guidance.’ Zyglavis says, bowing. I quickly follow his lead and hear a voice reverberate in the quiet room.

‘Thank you Zyglavis for bringing her to me. You may leave.’

‘I understand.’ He bows again, looks at me and leaves. I smile again at him before turning to the King. He is as beautiful in person as he is in the stories. His overwhelming power fills the throne room even though he is only sitting in his throne lazily.

‘Um, your Highness…’ I begin but he holds up his hand to stop me.

‘Do not worry, I know of your situation, Olivia.’ OMG.

‘Seriously?! You know that I-‘

‘Come with me, we must speak privately.’ The King snaps his fingers, and a flash of light blinds me. The next thing I know, I’m in the King’s private chambers.

‘Oh wow!’ A large bed looks as if its suspended in animation. Stars cover my entire vision as if I’m in space. There is no floor, but I am definitely standing on something.

‘Sit down, please.’

‘Oh, okay.’ I sit down beside the King, positioning myself so that I am facing him. His power is immense. I feel even more anxious just being beside him. The King smiles at me.

‘There is no need to be nervous. I know that you have been through a lot. Can you tell me how you died?’

‘Well, it will be hard to explain since I believe the Earth here is not caught up in certain technology yet…’

‘That is fine, tell me how you remember it.’

I recount my last memories and tell the King how I died, while attempting to describe the car accident and leaving out any modern concepts.

‘The cars must have crushed my skull upon impact and killed me. I hope that the girl is safe though. That I didn’t die for nothing.’

‘She has told me that the girl lived. You have nothing to fear.’

‘She?’ I ask.

‘I assume you know much about our world.’

‘That’s one way to put it I guess. I know that there are Departments here and that you are the King of the Heavens who is the most powerful and omnipresent being in the universe and-‘ His chuckle stops me from continuing.

‘It is true that I am the most powerful god to the knowledge of those living here in the Heavens. However,’ he looks away.

‘There is someone far more magnificent than me.’

‘Seriously? You mean that there is actually somebody out there who is even more powerful than you?’

‘Yes, but she will reveal herself to you when the time is right.’

‘What!? Why all the build-up if you weren’t going to tell me?’ I huff. He laughs at my childishness.

‘You will understand in time. She brought you here for a special reason. But for now, reacquaint yourself with the act of living. You have been reborn as a goddess after all.’

‘Really? How is that possible though?’

‘To put it simply, you have been reborn into a different dimension. This world that you see before does not exist in your world.’ Wow, so I’m not even in the same dimension as the Earth that I know.

‘Do you know what my name is? What powers I have?’ I ask eagerly.

‘Your name is Avaline, the Goddess of Destiny.’

‘Avaline. Of destiny?’ I repeat back.

‘You have the ability to know the destiny of any god or human. And the ability allows you to change it to whatever you wish.’

‘That sounds… like a big responsibility though.’

‘She assures me that you are worthy of such a power. But there is another.’

‘I have two abilities?!’ He nods.

‘Avaline, you have the ability to copy the abilities of others.’

‘… Um, what?’

‘I will give an example: Zyglavis has the ability to manipulate shadows, detach his own shadow and see through his shadow. Simply seeing the ability and knowing how it works will allow you to copy it. However, the ability will not be the exact identical as it is when Zyglavis uses it.’ I nod then shake my head.

‘I’m lost.’

‘You have unlimited use of your ability to use others, but the ability will change to suit you.’

‘That’s insane. Are you sure I really have this power?’ He chuckles at me and nods, but then he frowns.

‘There is something else. This ability of use comes at a cost.’

‘Of course it does.’ I sigh.

‘Do you know of the reflecting pools?’

‘Yes, they’re fountains filled with pure water which show reflections of Earth. Like a mirror.’

‘Exactly so. The pure water in the reflecting pools cannot be consumed because of their purity. However, you will need to.’

‘Really? Why?’

‘The more abilities you acquire, the more the power inside of you becomes imbalanced. Drinking the water of the reflecting pools will correct the balance.’

‘An unlimited quantity of power only to become disastrous to the one who uses them.’ I conclude.

‘Do not be mistaken. You can use the abilities whenever you wish. Gods do not get sick like humans but if you fail to drink the water daily then your life will be in danger.’

‘That’s not at all daunting.’

‘It is a power that has been chosen for you, Avaline.’

‘Avaline, huh. For some reason, it feels weird hearing you say this name.’

‘You will get used it in time. Now for your position here at the Palace.’ I sit up straighter.

‘You will work in the Department of Souls.’ I slump down in confusion.

‘Souls?’

‘Your Department Minister is Evelyn, and she will show you what to do. For now, a room has been created for you, go and rest.’

‘Okay, thank you, Your Highness.’ I stand up and bow in gratitude. I turn to leave and turn around again to him.

‘I have a question. How much of the future do you know?’

He only gives me a knowing smile.

‘I know that you will do great things for us here in the Heavens. Remember: you have been given tremendous powers, use them wisely.’ He leaves me with a smile. Suddenly, a blinding light transports me back to the throne room.

[amyscascadingtabs]

when i’m feeling alone, you remind me of home

Three different years, three different Christmasses, and three different reasons Jake's awake all too early in the morning on December 25th.

(or, did anyone say CHRISTMAS FLUFF???)

read on ao3

december 25th, 2014.

06.08 a.m.

“Oh my god, have you been here all night?”

Jake's not sure whether Amy’s about to laugh at him or tell him off about how he needs to take better care of himself. From the incredulous look on her face, like she can’t believe her eyes when he nods at her from behind his desk, it could be either.

“Jake, that’s insane. Have you ever heard of, I don't know, sleeping during the night?”

(It's the second alternative.)

 He has heard of sleep, and he’ll confess the thought of his bed with its good mattress lump and too-soft pillows is more tempting now than when he first considered going home about eight hours ago, but he also just drank a can of artificially blue energy drink and might never sleep again. All the better - it’ll give him more time to catch his arch-nemesis, who sent him yet another rant about omelets yesterday that left Jake none the wiser and all the more frustrated.

 “I’m trying to get a trail on Doug Judy,” he shrugs in response to Amy. “You think a person can disappear into thin air?”

“I’ll go with no on that one.”

Jake groans. “I swear that’s what he’s done. It’s infuriating.”

“I’m sorry he got away,” Amy tilts her head to the side with sympathy, “but I promise you’ll catch him. Just go home and get some sleep.”

“You go home and get some sleep.”

“I have! I’m just stopping by to get a couple of hours of work done before I have to go back to my brother’s place.”

“Why are you going to your brother’s place -” He makes note of the red and green stripes on her knitted sweater and her red bauble earrings. “Oh, right. Christmas.”

 Never one for family-centered holidays or one with a particular skill for keeping track of time, Jake could have sworn the occasion wasn’t happening for another few days at least, but Amy nods. Her earrings sway with the movement.

“So you’re working on Christmas?” He asks, raising an eyebrow.

“You’re working on Christmas,” she retorts simply.

“Yeah, but I don’t celebrate it. You like being with your family.” Jake snaps his computer shut and leans over his desk instead, hands clasped together and chin resting on them. “What’s the mysterious deal here? Has there been a juicy scandal in the Santiago family? Please spill.”

Amy sighs, her cheeks turning a shade of pink he recognizes from the last time Captain Holt complimented her work on a case in front of the bullpen. “There’s nothing juicy. I just needed some time away from my brothers if I’m going to survive today.”

“I thought you liked your brothers?”

“I have seven brothers, Jake, and I like all of them. Except for David. Perfect David,” she says, screwing up her face like it pains her to say the name. “David is planning to take the Sergeant’s exam this year. David is looking at buying a house. David’s proposing to his girlfriend. Aren’t you thinking of getting married to your boyfriend, Amy? Oh, that’s right - you two broke up! Such a shame. You two made an adorable couple!”

“Ouch.”

“Yeah.” She bites her lip. “Sure. Ouch.”

She starts writing on her computer, fingers tapping over the keyboard with speed and only stopping for brief moments when she looks out the window like she’s taking a break to think. Jake decides to give her a moment alone and dives back into his own poorly structured document of barely existent and equally far-fetched leads. He doubts he’s writing anything coherent at this point, but the thought of Doug Judy out there taunts him too much to allow himself to stop.

 He feels guilty whenever Amy mentions her breakup with Teddy. It’s been three weeks since the most catastrophic double-date in history, and most of the time, they’re cool, but then there are moments where he’ll mention Sophia and notice how Amy’s eyes will turn away and her expression will morph into a smile so different from her natural one. He can’t decipher what it means, or if it’s nothing and his mind’s playing tricks on him from when he had a little bit of a crush on her. It’s not like it would matter, he reminds himself. He’s with someone, he’s happy, and Amy’s over him anyway.

It doesn't stop him from wishing he could read her thoughts sometimes.

 “Are you having dinner with your mom tonight?” Amy asks, jolting him back to reality. The tapping of her fingers against the keyboard has slowed down, and the tension that radiated from her before seems milder. Jake thinks he can note the hint of a smile on her lips.

“How do you know I’m having dinner with my mom?”

“You told me last year?”

His memory flashes back to a late-night, dead-end stakeout last December. “Right. Right, yeah, I am - Sophia’s away visiting family, so.”

Either Amy's smile turns more wistful, forced, or he’s imagining it. “That sounds nice. Are you planning to get any sleep before then?”

“Sleep is for the weak,” he tries joking, but because his body is cruel, moving his face triggers a massive yawn that makes Amy giggle.

“Actually, sleep deprivation is linked to a weaker immune system, higher risk of cardiovascular diseases and trouble with concentration,” she lists, ignoring his eye-roll. “Seriously, Jake. Go home and rest, then come back with a clear head tomorrow.”

“Nah,” he shrugs. “Just need more coffee.”

“I pity your doctor.” Amy shakes her head. “But hey, it’s Christmas - if you promise me you’ll go home and sleep after, coffee’s my treat.”

“Really?”

“Consider it my Christmas gift for you. “ She’s out of her seat and taking on her coat before he’s even had a shot to ask why he’s willingly going outside in the cold when there’s perfectly acceptable, free coffee in the break room. Then again, he’s not one to say no to a surprise. Especially not when the words on his computer are getting blurrier by the second, and he’s lost nearly all faith in his own skills as a Detective thanks to the failed capture of Doug Judy three days ago. Caffeine will help him stay awake; maybe long enough to come up with at least one more idea. Something - anything - and he’ll let himself go home. As soon as he’s made progress, he’ll rest.

 “Gingerbread lattes. Sickly sweet, so suits you perfectly.” He gives Amy a quizzical look as she puts down the red and white Starbucks cup in front of him. She blushes. “I mean, because you eat what I believe is a dangerous amount of sugar. Nothing else.”

Jake grins. “That difficult to hide your crush on me, huh?”

“I don’t have a crush on you. If you’d like to give me a Christmas gift, I’d very much appreciate you quitting bringing that up.”

“Uh-uh, it’s a no-can-do.” He unscrews the lid from his cup, licking up the sweet foam. “This is great, though. Thanks, Amy.”

“You’re welcome. Merry Christmas,” she says, and he thinks he sees a glint of that shy, covert smile again. “For what it’s worth, I really think you’ll catch him. I believe in you. Just get some sleep first.”

“Merry Christmas.” He lifts his cup like he’s making a toast. “I believe you can survive Christmas lunch with your family. Maybe even without strangling anyone.”

Amy snorts. “Now that would be a Christmas miracle.”

“So would Doug Judy surfacing again be at this point.”

She holds up her own takeaway cup, touching it to his. “Cheers to Christmas miracles, then.”

“Cheers,” he laughs.

 In the corner of his eye, he sees his phone light up with a Merry Christmas-text from Sophia. He can’t fully explain the guilt that follows when he waits a few minutes to reply, or why he’s struck with a sudden desire to tell Amy another joke first so he can make her laugh again, but it's probably just sleep-deprivation.

 ~

 december 25th, 2017.

05.33 a.m.

Jake wakes up not knowing how to breathe.

It’s not happening as often anymore - not nearly as frequently as it did during his first weeks home - but often enough for it to no longer surprise him. The dreams before he wakes up are almost indistinguishable from each other, always another version of Romero’s gang having him backed into a corner with their shivs pointed at him. Melanie Hawkins is watching the whole thing go down from the other side of the cell, her laugh nefarious and causing his blood to freeze to ice. In every dream, he screams for help, but no one ever comes to save him.

 It’s fine, he tries to tell himself, forcing in air through his mouth. His chest hurts, his heartbeat’s far over the healthy bpm and a sense of instinctive dread is pooling in his stomach, but he’s fine. He’s home.

He listens for the sound of cars driving past outside her window, a trick he’s learned after too many of these nights, and reaches out his right hand to touch his nightstand. A second wave of fear floods him when he realizes he can't hear a single car, and when he reaches out his hand, all he feels is a wall that doesn't belong to his bedroom.

He sits up so quickly it makes him dizzy. He doesn't remember where he is, and can't distinguish the room in its encapsulating darkness, but if he's back in prison or Romero or Hawkins have somehow manifested in his real life, he's all too aware he doesn’t have anything to fight with except his bare, trembling, hands.

This is where you die, a voice in his head wheezes, and his lungs feel tighter. This is where it ends.

 The sound of another person’s breathing sharpens his focus. It could be someone from Romero’s gang standing behind him, breathing down his neck, but the only thing he feels is droplets of sweat trickling down his back. It could be Hawkins, standing somewhere in the room watching him, but this breathing seems too slow and peaceful. Nervously, he looks to the side, and even in the darkness of this room, he recognizes the silhouette of his fiancée sleeping next to him in bed.

The puzzle pieces seem to fall into place, mitigating the waves of panic as they go. He’s not at home, because he’s with the Santiagos, celebrating Christmas upstate with his in-laws-to-be and their many kids and grandkids. He and Amy drove here yesterday, celebrated Nochebuena with all her family, and they’re staying for Christmas dinner today.

Everything’s fine, he tells himself instead, and finds that he’s able to force his breath into the pattern Amy taught him after one of his first attacks. In, out. You’re not in prison. Inhale. You’re okay. Exhale. Repeat until it works.

 As his eyes become more and more used to the darkness, he’s able to make out the contours of Amy’s face. She’s on her side facing him, her hair draped across the pillow and her hands holding onto her part of the blanket. It doesn’t seem like he’s managed to wake her up. She’s fast asleep, and Jake pats himself on the shoulder for having learned to ride out the panic attacks on his own. It’s bad enough that he can’t sleep; he’s wrecked with guilt when it affects her, too.

He presses a kiss to her forehead. The corners of her mouth twitch into a small smile, and the aching in his chest is replaced by a comfortable warmth.

He’s careful not to try and disturb her when he gets out of the bed they’re sharing, finding a hoodie and a pair of pajama pants he’s thrown on a nearby chair, and sneaks outside.

 The snow shocks him. He’s used to a gray, rainy Brooklyn during December, a polar opposite to the Winter Wonderland surrounding their rented cabin. It's still a couple of hours away from daylight, but the porch lighting and bright snow are enough to make him feel safe. He scrapes clean a spot on the edge of the porch and sits down.

The air is cold in his lungs, but it’s the refreshing kind of cold, the kind that feels healthy and makes you realize how polluted the air you breathe on a daily basis is. It’s far from the signature prison smell of mildew and fear, far from the stuffy atmosphere in the courtroom during their trials, far from any of the memories that haunt him during nightmares and nocturnal panic attacks.

He’s safe. He’s free. He’s okay.

He grabs a handful of snow, squeezing it and feeling it shape after his palm. If someone had asked him during a night he laid awake in his cell, whether he thought he’d ever see snow again as a free man, Jake’s not sure what his reply would’ve been. There were a lot of things he wasn’t sure he’d ever get to experience, but here he is, living them. He forms the snow to an imperfect snowball, then throws it against a tree. It gives him an odd, childish sense of having achieved something, so he does it again.

 “Having a snowball fight with yourself, are you?”

He turns around to see Amy standing in the door opening. She’s in pajamas, bathrobe, and her winter coat, but despite her Michelin-man-like appearance, she still looks like she’s shivering when she sits down next to him, handing him one of two steaming mugs of coffee.

“I just needed to get some fresh air. Sorry, I tried not to wake you.”

“You didn’t. I only noticed when the bed got cold. You’re an excellent source of heat.”

“Where would you be without me?”

“I’d be colder,” she states simply. “And sadder. Worse in every possible way. But you know that. Let’s not talk about it.”

“Yeah. Let’s not.” He takes a sip from his mug. The coffee burns the roof of his mouth, but he can tell his cup has been doused with the perfect amount of sugar, so he keeps drinking. “What time is it?”

“Nearly six. I bet all the kids will wake up soon, and the quiet in this house will turn into chaos as everyone’s opening their gifts and trying to capture reactions and thanking each other,” she laughs. “Get ready for the annual Santiago Christmas chaos.”

“I’m excited,” he says with full honesty. If he had to think of a good opposite for prison, a crowded living room of families with children opening gifts on Christmas morning is a strong contender, and it’s made even stronger by the fact that he’ll have Amy by his side for it. “Merry Christmas, babe.”

“Merry Christmas.” Her face is cold, but her lips are warm from the coffee when she kisses him. “Now do you think we can go back in and snuggle under our comforter until we actually have to get up?”

 Jake doesn’t know if he’ll ever be free of the nightmares, but he knows that for as long as he’s laying forehead to forehead with Amy Santiago, pretending to complain when she rubs her ice-cold feet against his, tickling her as revenge just so he can make her laugh, they seem further and further away from reality.

 ~

 december 25th, 2020.

05.17 a.m.

 Although she's only been born for a mere five weeks, Jake’s already certain his daughter is a flat-out genius. For example, even though it's her first time celebrating, she's got one of the staples of Christmas celebrations down to a T; she's waking up far earlier than should be allowed.

 “She's way too excited about her presents to sleep,” he suggests with a yawn as the infant’s crying wakes them up for a third time that night. “Truly my daughter.”

“More like she's hungry and wanting attention,” Amy mumbles as she reaches for the nursing pillow, trying to find a comfortable position for both her and baby. “Still your daughter, then.”

“Guilty as charged,” he says, and in the low shine of the table lamp on her nightstand, he can see her rolling her eyes at him. Leah’s grunting in complaint as Amy takes a few seconds to unhook the strap of her nursing bra, bordering dangerously close to a cry when she can't seem to figure it out, but then it works. The sound of Leah's content suckling fills the room, bringing with it a novel feeling of peace they've come to know in the last weeks.

When she's crying, their hearts are shattering. When she's happy, they're floating on air. And because their daughter is barely a month old, they're on a constant rollercoaster between the two absolutes.

 “You can go back to sleep if you want,” Amy offers, not for the first time that night. “I’ve got this under -” She yawns. “Control.”

“I know.” He could, and considering the low total amount of sleep he's gotten this week, he probably should, but he has another idea. “This is nice, though.” Leah’s pajamas has reindeer heads on the feet, and he holds them in his hand. “I can’t believe it’s her first Christmas.”

“I think you’re more excited than she is,” Amy laughs. “We’ll see what she thinks about it after the two-hour car-ride to my brother’s place.” “She’ll sleep through it. You’ll worry.”

She grimaces, stroking her fingers over the tiny hand Leah is holding on her chest. “Touché.”

“Merry Christmas, babe.”

“Merry Christmas.” Amy stifles yet another yawn. “You don’t mind getting up with her while I close my eyes for just a little bit longer, do you? Or else I might actually fall asleep in the middle of Christmas dinner.”

“No, of course not.” Jake doesn’t tell her he was hoping she’d ask. He can’t risk ruining the surprise he came up with at work two days ago. For someone so sleep-deprived he almost took Charles’ lunchbox from the precinct fridge two days ago and was about to start chewing before Terry stopped him, he feels it’s some of his finest idea-work.

Leah finishes eating and Amy burps her, handing her over to Jake like she’s the most precious of goods - which, to be fair, is accurate. Their daughter finds her favorite spot with her head on his shoulder near immediately and he gets out of bed almost as fast, only stopping to give his wife a kiss on the cheek before leaving their bedroom.

 Even a year ago, he would have laughed in the face of whoever had told him he’d ever willingly wake up at 5.30. He would have called them insane if they’d suggested it would become the routine it has, or that he would like it. Every morning when he gets up for work, he’ll wake up extra early and take Leah for a couple of hours, giving Amy some undisturbed sleep and himself some quality time with his daughter. She is, without exception, in her happiest mood in the mornings. Sometimes she’ll give him what sort of resembles a smile if he makes a funny enough face, or she’ll wave her hands when he sings to her. Jake can’t imagine a better way to start his day - if he has to spend a whole workday away from her, at least he gets these moments first.

 He’s not going to work today, but he still has plans for their morning together. It’s the first-ever Christmas they’re celebrating as parents, which he figures calls for a more luxurious breakfast than their usual coffee and toast, and Amy may have suggested no big gifts this year, but she didn’t say anything about ones addressed from their daughter - loophole. She insisted they’d get a tree, though, so now there’s an over-the-top decorated fake tree in the corner of their living room with a whole of three Baby’s First Christmas-ornaments. Two of them were gifted by Charles. As was five other gifts, and he only stopped because Amy made him.

 “This is the Christmas tree,” Jake tells his daughter as he shows it to her for the one-hundredth time, only for the way her eyes light up when she gets close enough to see the lights and baubles. “It’s not real, because your mom’s allergic to those, but it looks pretty nice, right?” Leah coos. “Yeah, I know. We’re being extra this Christmas. It’s all for you, you know.”

“But it’s what you deserve,” he adds, kissing the top of her head and breathing in the baby scent he just can't get enough of. “Even though you’ll never remember this. I guess it’s mostly for us. But you’re a great excuse.”

She whimpers like she understands and is offended by what he’s saying, and he laughs at the timing.

“Don’t worry. It’s been fun. You’re going to have amazing Christmasses. I’m kind of jealous, actually.”

He sits down with her in the armchair placed in front of the three, putting his feet on the footstool so Leah can lay against his knees. “I never liked celebrating holidays much, because my dad was either drunk or just wouldn’t show up, so me and my mom were alone for most of them, which sucked.” Jake pouts his lip, and Leah moves her head in a way he decides to interpret as nodding. “You’re never going to have that. You’ll have gifts and people everywhere, a billion cousins to play with and food for days because your grandmother is an amazing cook. You’ll love it. I sort of feel like I’m getting revenge for all of my failed holidays by making sure yours are perfect.” He rubs his nose against hers in an eskimo kiss. She makes a noise that is not quite a laugh but leaning towards it, like she’s trying to figure the motions out. “I guess you could say we’re discovering the traditions together, huh?”

 The beauty of being an adult is you can make a new family with new traditions, a memory of Holt’s words from a Thanksgiving seven years ago comes to mind. Jake’s always considered the squad his family, and he’s made traditions with Amy in their years together, but he’s never been this excited about them before. He’s already humming to himself when he plays the Taylor Swift Christmas album on his phone, putting Leah in the baby bouncer and pushing it so it moves by itself. He googles the recipe and narrates his actions to her as he goes, mixing eggs with sugar and melting butter and stopping every now and then to bounce her seat again. He takes an involuntary break to change his daughter’s outfit, finding an even more festive one he couldn’t stop himself from purchasing when he walked past it in the store last week. It’s a baby Santa suit, complete with hat and all, and he takes about twenty-or-so pictures of her in it before remembering what he was doing before.

 It takes twice as long as the recipe suggests, but eventually, Jake’s looking at two plates of saffron french toast that’s only a little burnt, matching Super-Mom and Super-Dad mugs - also gifted to them by Charles - filled with an attempt at a gingerbread latte that he’s sure will taste decent with enough whipped cream, and the Christmas gift addressed from Leah is imperfectly wrapped sitting next to Amy’s plate. It might well be one of the proudest moments of his life, and he gives himself a mental pat on the back for being such a natural talent at the whole festive traditions-thing.

 He contemplates singing as they enter the bedroom. The idea falls flat, because he doesn’t know any Christmas songs well enough to avoid completely butchering them, and the act of balancing a baby, a gift and a coffee cup without dropping either is enough of a challenge, but he does manage some humming as they go to wake up Amy.

 He wonders if she’s heard them, because she sits up in bed way too fast for someone who just woke up, but she’s smiling at them with a glee that seems to erase all traces of exhaustion when he sits down on the side of the bed, handing her the coffee.

“You dressed her as Santa,” she laughs, tickling Leah’s belly with her free hand. “Oh my god, she looks so cute.”

“Bought the outfit myself,” he grins. “Merry First Christmas as a mother, babe.”

“I’m loving it. I thought we said no gifts, though?”

“It’s not from me, it’s from Leah. Loophole!” Jake half expects his wife to roll her eyes at him, but she simply grins wider.

“She might have one for you, too.”

“Oh, Lee. You shouldn’t have!” He shakes his head at his daughter, getting a confused look in return. “You’re too nice to us.”

“Well, she does keep us up all night.”

“True, true. She’s lucky she’s the cutest.” He kisses his daughter’s cheeks not for the first time that day. “She might have fixed another little surprise for you out in the kitchen. Well, her and I. Mostly me. But she was very supportive!”

This time Amy does roll her eyes at him, but affectionately, before putting down the coffee on her nightstand and reaching over to kiss him.

“Merry First Christmas as a dad, Jake.”

 He still considers himself a beginner in the area of Christmas traditions, but as he and Amy take turns eating their French toast and unwrapping their Leah-themed gifts while the other one bounces a suddenly fussy baby in their arms and Taylor Swift’s Christmas album keeps playing on a loop in the background, he’s certain he’ll be able to learn.

He’ll do anything for the two people who are already his greatest gift of all.

[rickybowxn]

hey!! ok so i just need someone else’s opinion bc i haven’t seen anyone talking about this and i literally can’t wrap my head around it lol ok so ricky and nini dated for a YEAR and never once said i love you? and if ricky isn’t ready to say it was he going to wait till 2 years? 3? 4? or was he never going to say it? i also don’t understand why he doesn’t understand that he broke her heart :( i love him but he essentially broke up with her after she told him she loved him on their anniversary 😭

hiya! this is such a great line of discussion and so there’s a lot to break down, bear with me this is gonna be a long one :)

let’s start with the thought that ricky doesn’t understand that he broke nini’s heart. i agree and disagree with you on this. i think that as a 16 year old boy, in the heat of the moment after he saw the instagram post and was clearly overwhelmed by it, he definitely didn’t know that he deeply hurt nini when he decided to not say it back and break up with her. he was as impulsive and sudden in action in response to a post/declaration that in his perspective, was impulsive and sudden by nini. he definitely underestimated the consequences and the weight of him not saying it back in respect to nini’s emotions, and thought that there was space to come back from not saying it back (and i’ll get to why he assumed that in a bit). now, fast forward to junior year, i think he’s definitely understood just how much he broke nini’s heart. i think kourtney’s resentment toward ricky in respect to how nini was treated and more importantly, nini’s general irritation/stand offishness and just distaste towards him throughout the first three episodes allowed ricky to understand how hurt she was by it.

now let’s get when ricky was supposed to/will say ‘i love you’. i don’t know about you but i personally believe that every relationship has a pace, and that pace is different for everybody. saying ‘i love you’ simply doesn’t have a timer on it, it could happen in weeks, or months, or years. how fast or how long it takes to say those words neither validates nor weakens the relationship, and that’s what i believe. personally, i’d argue that throwing around ‘i love you’s’ at 14/15/16 is more unusual/immature than a healthy/mature response (and i’ll elaborate on that in a bit as well) in a relationship. with respect to rini/rickini/ricky and nini, it’s more about each character’s motivation and circumstance with respect to their relationship, as well as their relationship as a whole. tackling that first bit, ricky is in a really rough spot in his perception of love atm, it’s been skewed into negativity since his parents’ marriage started falling apart, i’ve mentioned it in another post of mine when i was analysing ep4 - ‘the only concept of love that he grew up with, his parents - he witnessed them be in, and slowly fall out of love. his only understanding of love is that it is temporary and painful’. now parallel that with nini’s perception of love, beautifully explicated by the subtext of kourtney’s (kinda) monologue in ep5 “i don’t get it, what happened to the seventh grade nini who used to belt this song… ever since you discovered boys, you’ve spent way too much time trying to see yourself through their eyes”, we know that they are worlds apart in how they perceive and pace the idea of love, as well as a relationship itself. nini, from what kourtney said, can be deduced to loving the idea of love - having a boyfriend, getting attention and affection etc. she’s a 14/15 year old girl who started a relationship with the first boy she met and seriously had feelings for. it’s even safe to assume that she jumped into saying ‘i love you’ because she thought ricky was ‘the one’ and she must have watched about 3737328473 romcoms and musicals that pushed the agenda and romanticised relationships and being in love (which no doubt influenced her version and understanding, which is still completely valid and integral, of love). it’s really important for us to understand that just like ricky’s understanding of love is twisted, so is nini’s, neither of them have really gotten to knowing the depth of how good and not so good love can be, and how big of a commitment it is, and that’s because of what i talk about next!

the bombshell that has created the entire arc of the ricky and nini relationship is immaturity. immaturity! ricky and nini are teenagers who are still developing skills such as communication, their independent values and beliefs, as well as self-image. these are all fundamental aspects that encourage and foster a healthy environment for a romantic relationship to grow. getting into a relationship so young, at 14/15 and committing to a person is so difficult simply because you don’t have a developed skillset of these things yet, and ricky and nini are a poster example. remember how i said i’d get back to why ricky thought that he could come back from not saying ‘i love you back’ to nini? well we’re here now, it was immaturity. ricky didn’t have the empathy or emotional maturity to understand how it would effect nini, and nini didn’t communicate, (and actually still hasn’t communicated), why not saying ‘i love you’ back hurt her, she’s just been lashing out so far. now the mature thing to have done is to have sat down with ricky and talked through it, asked him and understood his train of thought. she didn’t do that and ricky just walked away without explaining himself. that, is called a lack of communication. and that skill, comes from learning and ageing. yes it was obvious to us as an audience what he’d done was so wrong, but seriously, as a 16 year old coming from a broken home and never having experienced/seen a healthy relationship, i doubt you any of us would be able to fully grasp it if it was happening to us. and that’s why i’d argue that taking a relationship slow, feeling it out and getting into it as older and more mature individuals is more thought-out. your feelings at any age toward another person are valid, especially in the case that they are reciprocated, but that doesn’t mean you will have a functioning relationship. that’s because relationships. are. work. and kids can’t handle the work because they don’t have the skills that match the job description. ‘i love you’ encapsulates that promise - exercising communication, empathy and support, it’s more than just an emotion i think. in this case, i actually think that ricky understands that better than nini does, because as i said in my other post, one of the motivating reasons he didn’t say it back is because his parents didn’t keep their promise - they fell out of developing their skillset and supporting each other. 

now the most important side-note: none of us will ever perfect these skills that make a relationship work, its constant practice in empathy, in communication, in understanding, in esteem and confidence, and in support. i just think that nini and ricky never got to experience even developing those skills independently and that’s why their relationship fell apart in the way it did. this break has already matured them, ep5 showed nini gaining genuine confidence in herself and ep4 showed ricking communicating to nini how he felt about everything going on at home. them independently going about their lives and growing is already inevitably readying them for being in a relationship and committing to them the right way, when they’re ready for it! i’m so excited to see it

finally, as for when ricky will say/was planning to say ‘i love you’ - i think the writers are taking us on that journey right now! the break ricky and nini have been going through is perfectly setting them up for that mutual and satisfying understanding of the love they have for one and other. i personally think that ricky has loved nini from the get-go, his fear of externalising those emotions is that he’ll have the same outcome as his parents, his insecurities right now don’t allow him to believe that he can have, or even deserves, more than his parents’ fate. hopefully gets out of his rut with talking about how he genuinely feels about nini and how he’s ready for that relationship soon. nini is already getting better at being more sure of herself and what she wants, i think she’ll soon realise how ricky is different to her, and how that doesn’t take away from his legitimate and very strong feelings that are ever-present for her.

what ricky did sucked and he was undoubtably a douche. but that was the exposition to his, and ricky and nini’s story, it only gets better from here! it already has xx

(i’m so so sorry it’s this long, you just really got my analysis flowing lmao, hopefully this wasn’t just a mumble and was kind of an insight. i have so much to say but my brain feels like ramen rn)

[taraninja]

Review of A Ghost of a Chance

Just in case my review is too long for fanfiction.net, I’m posting it here. 

To start, I want to apologize for the tardiness of this review. I actually began writing it after finishing Chapter 34, but thanks to College finals and the holidays it’s only getting out now. I like my reviews to in some way reciprocate the amount of effort the writer/writers spent in their fanfic, so this was definitely a multi-day project.

Firstly, I’d like to go over the characters and characterizations. Others have pointed this out as well, but you truly do get their personalities down perfectly. There were multiple occasions where I was tricked into reading this as if it were an episode screenplay, which is perhaps the highest praise any fanfic could achieve. Master Splinter is as elegant and effervescent as always, but you delve more into his character than the mere surface level; he also shows off humor, worry, empathy, concern, and of course, the love he feels for his sons and daughter is truly palpable. A great example is in his dealings with the Lotus; he is able to disagree in a way which shows honor and maturity, and even when the Lotus leave, he does not press the issue but let’s both parties (Donnie/April and the Lotus) have their disagreement and move on. It sent a perfect message to Leo that sometimes, interference is worse than simply letting an argument run its due course. I wish someone had taught that message to 2003 Leo, so maybe he could have avoided getting entangled in the gang wars.

Speaking of Leo, there are several facets of his character which have been masterfully delved into here. Something I prefer in the 2012 show is how they show that Leo is much more than just a serious and dutiful leader; he can also be awkward and silly at times, and this is perfectly encapsulated in his conversations with Karai within this story. Instead of distracting from the main plot, it melded perfectly with it and even helped to add to the plot. Karai has trouble getting used to life in the sewer, but has no problems understanding Leo and getting him to hopelessly unravel himself when talking with her. In contrast, Leo seems unsure of where he stands with her, and sometimes doesn’t know what the right approach is. Should he flirt back, or would that be too forward? Are their conversations one big game, or do they mean something to her? And are her questions meant to be taken literally, or as part of a running joke? As a master of deception, I can imagine how confusing talking with her must be. But on Karai’s part, it must be lots of fun, since it’s really more like she’s gently prodding him into taking the first step. I can still vividly imagine the chapter where they spar together, both teasing each other and then that one moment Karai thought she might have pushed too far. The tension between them was so thick that I could feel it past my computer screen, and I inadvertently held my breath as Leo drew closer and almost, ALMOST kissed her, but then revealed that he had just been teasing her back. That scene was perfect poetry, and it really showed me that you get their dynamic. You understand how and why they work, and that’s always great to see in a fanfiction.

Of course, Leo and Karai aren’t the only two lovebirds who have amazing development here, and the next two I want to gush over are Raph and Casey. I’ll admit that I didn’t really ship them before, but after reading this, you’ve made me a believer! There are of course, multiple ways a gay romance can go wrong; it can either feel too pushy, or not pushy enough, depending on the way it’s written. However, I think it was perfectly handled here. Our titular Raph and Casey start as more on the ‘bromance with benefits’ side, which works; a slow beginning helps get new shippers like me to see just how it can develop. Both of them have very similar outlooks and personalities, so there’s already that common ground between them, and then the scene where Casey gets drunk allow us to see them acting uncharacteristically caring for each other. Seeing adult Casey and Raph making out is definitely a—unique way to kickstart the romance, and a rather believable one. As someone who’s bi, I’ll readily admit that curiosity is what often causes a spark in a relationship like theirs. And again, the slow burn is the smartest move when it comes to them. Their kiss was left open-ended, as you could say ‘oh, they didn’t like it’ and not ship it, or you could think ‘hmm, I don’t think their answers were all that truthful’ and continue to ship it. I personally count myself among the latter category, but either way, their scenes have been written exceedingly well so far and I can’t wait to read more of them.

And, of course, my personal favorite ship, the one that made me get off my butt and read this fanfic; Apritello! After Chapter 34, I was squealing for literally hours. It got so bad that my roommate, who is not even a little into TMNT, forcibly grabbed my shoulders and ordered me to stop jumping around like a ping-pong ball. So suffice it to say, I have a lot to comment on when it comes to this dynamic within your fanfiction.

To begin with, I am SO glad that the music box was brought up again! When April pushed it aside in the “Bigfoot” episode, I felt so sad for Donnie and was more than a little peeved at April. It was no wonder that Donnie felt like ‘just a mutant’ with the way she was treating him; she pushed aside his heartfelt present, never lets him speak about his feelings with her, and yet continues to lead him on with hugs and kisses instead of actually being clear with her emotions. This is not to say I entirely faulted April, as having two boys crushing on you is never fun and is a situation I’ve had trouble with in the past. But nevertheless, it felt like a breath of fresh air to see the event be brought up and mentioned again between the two of them here. It gave the ship some well-needed groundedness and maturity, so that it could develop beyond just two lovesick teenagers. And oh, how beautifully developed it is! Of course, it begins rather bumpily (April, why d’ya have to take your anger out on Donnie? Him who would never fault you, ever?) with April asking out Casey for dates, keeping it a secret from Donnie, and then trying to get closer with him while not revealing anything to him. But there’s been tons of cute build-up too! The whole ‘evil scientist and best lab assistant’ bit has to be the most adorable love-speak ever, and of course, the silent glances at each other and the secret armor Donnie built is super sweet as well. And there’s no possible way I will ever forget when Future Donnie shook current Donnie to his senses and sent him chasing after April, which resulted in the most romantic scene of all time. Oh yes, it was certainly sappy; but it was a sappiness that felt VERY well-deserved and had been a long time coming. And I’m also really happy that you had Splinter inform and reassure Kirby on all the goings-on; I always feel bad for parents when their children hide things from them within stories, and it was yet another source of relief when Kirby was not only fine with April and Donnie but gave them the go-ahead. I knew he was a good father, but now I’m absolutely certain of it. And that means that April can continue her relationship with Donnie and the others without fearing for her father or focusing solely on college. Not to mention, dating Donnie can only mean good things for a future college career.

Oh yes, and then THAT ABSOLUTE BOMBSHELL in episode—I mean chapter (oh boy you know it’s good when I start calling it an episode!) 35, where April had to watch Donnie get knocked out in front of her. My heart definitely wasn’t shattering into a thousand tiny pieces at that moment (sarcastic tone intended). I’ll get into more detail later when I discuss the pacing, but man, did that scene hit like an oncoming bus.

Of course, I can’t leave out Mikey, the Future Turtles, or the Lotus from my gushing on the characterization! Mikey was at his most hilarious within this fanfic, and I’d even go so far as to say he was handled better within this story than in the usual 2012 episodes. Able to be light-hearted, a prankster, a gamer, and life of the party while still having a certain level of gravity and groundedness goes a long way to show that though Mikey may be the party dude, he has a charm and worth that is so much more than just cracking the odd joke here or there. While Leo and the others were certainly excited to have the Lotus staying with them, it was Mikey who went the extra mile to try and learn as many names as possible. And Mikey is the one who coordinated their family movie night to try and get ‘Karaiwa’ cheerful again. He’s an absolute gem who I want to protect, yet I also know that he is beyond capable of protecting himself.

I’ll admit that the Lotus took a bit of getting used to. When I heard there would be another ninja clan, my impromptu thought was ‘ah yes, the perfect way to insert OC’s’ because that’s usually how I’ve seen it handled within other fanfictions. But it definitely didn’t feel that way here. Though they were all original characters, they only served as big of a part as the plot required and were beneficial to the story’s development, instead of detracting from it. Hachisu-no-Hana served as a great parallel for Splinter, as both are heads of a clan who had been wronged by Shredder, but who took very different responses to said wrong-doing. Wakai wasn’t around long, but he emanated a youthful simplicity that made it hard not to like him, and of course Juro and Atsuko were easy to like as well. In the end I found myself liking the clan quite a bit and was hoping for their well-being just as much as I hoped for Karai’s.

Finally, we have the Future Turtles. It’s a bit harder to speak on their personalities, since they are literally different versions of the same characters within the story, but I think they were sufficiently developed enough to stand out from their current counterparts and show how the passage of time can truly make a difference. Leo has of course become a lot more serious, and along with all the other future characters, his moral compass is more black and white. Either you are on his side, or you are an enemy that deserves death; there is no in-between. This change is devastating to see when compared to how Leo currently is, and I would certainly be interested if you ever decided to do a spin-off fic detailing how the future turtles got to their current states. A lot of details have been divulged already, but like any good reader, that just leaves me wanting even more.

Future Raph and Casey seem to do a lot more laughing and have lot more fun than I would have thought, but it makes sense in the context of their relationship and is yet another great addition to their dynamic. Being in a relationship not only strengthens their bond, but themselves as people. Current Casey definitely can’t be described as sensitive, but Future Casey is not only willing but able to lend April an ear along with some solid advice. And Raph is seen helping Leo out more than arguing with him, which really warmed my heart. After Future Splinter’s death, I can imagine how hard it must have been for the turtles; but especially for Leo, who already had a heavy burden as the team leader, but with Splinter gone, that burden can only have hardened. I’m glad Raph decided to step up somewhat and help support him, instead of escalate their rivalry. It shows maturity and caring on his part, both attributes which I believe Raph already possesses, but doesn’t choose to emphasize.

In contrast, Future Mikey and Donnie seem much more solemn than their current selves. Mikey still has that fun-loving spark, but through his calmer mannerisms and way of speaking it is evident that the future events have tampered him down just as thoroughly as they tampered down his brothers. And while Donnie’s seriousness could be attributed to the important matter at the forefront of their time-traveling visit, I believe there’s more than the fate of his family which keeps him grounded. He’s always been the problem-solver of the group, and his brother’s reliance on him can only have escalated after Splinter’s demise. Plus, he lost the ‘best lab assistant in the world,’ so there has been an additional mental and emotional burden for him to carry. And though you didn’t go into the repercussions for this in too much detail, I imagine it must have been absolutely soul-crushing to see Casey go from dating April to Raph. The thoughts of “April is so great, I would have done everything in my power to make her stay,” “how could he abandon her like that?” “Maybe April feels the same way; maybe she was never into guys” and even “maybe she only dated Casey so she could finally get away from us mutants, and now that she has, she doesn’t care anymore.” I don’t know if he’d actually think like that or not, but I can envision him doing so. It must have caused at least a temporal shift between him and the two lovers and cooping himself up within the lab has obviously become a habit at this point. If he still remains within the lab while brought back to the past while his father is alive, then there’s no stopping it at this point. But hopefully he pulls himself together in a similar fashion that current Donnie did, and fixes his relationship with April. That would certainly be an ideal ending, if not an altogether realistic one.

Alright, now to more boring aspects of the story. First off; Grammar! While this has for the most part been on-point and smooth, there are some small things which could have been better to give the story a better flow. Most of these are nit-picks, because there aren’t many faults within this fanfic, but I think they bear mentioning. There were some misplaced words here and there, like “to” instead of “too” (slightly hypocritical since I KNOW I’ve probably made a similar mistake in this review alone) adjectives which were repeated three or more times in a paragraph, and one particular (and this is the most nit-picky comment of all) word phrase which stuck out and really bugged me, which was ‘portable portal.’ I believe the first time you used it, you had just described how the portal was transferrable, and my first thought was “well, if you wrote a whole section describing it as mobile, why did you describe it as portable again?” And then I saw that phrase repeated more than five times, which just led my OCD brain to go crazy. It might also have more to do with the fact that both words have a “po-“ beginning and an “able” or “al” ending, so it sounds like a repetitive description word, but nevertheless that’s more of a me problem than an overall issue.

Next, there is the plot. I read somewhere that the best plots can be outlined in a sentence and described in ten paragraphs, which I believe definitely applies to this story. While my descriptive powers are not great enough to fully divulge ten paragraphs, I shall do my best to review it properly.

It starts out simple enough; Donnie gets a message from his future self and learns that not only can he communicate with himself past the bonds of space and time, but eventually he can meet his future self without the fear of a time paradox. As Donnie and his brothers prepare to meet their future selves, they meet up with a fellow ninja clan who also has a beef with Shredder, and multiple cases of drama ensue as a result. However, there is so much more than that to pick apart in the plot. There’s action, mystery, romance, secrecy, plus a lot of confusion and mixed feelings which help to add tension and character development. And all the character dialogues don’t seem abrupt, out of place, or like mere exposition; they all blend perfectly together to give the story the feel of a big mixing pot, with multiple themes, characters, and motives blending together to give the story/soup an exquisite taste.

I could be wrong, but I think the main message behind this story is that ‘it is not our actions in the past that define us, but our actions in the present.’ In the very first chapter, we see a lot of characters mingling together who all have argued or slightly resented each other in the past. There’s Splinter and Karai, who used to believe she was Shredder’s daughter and wanted revenge on Hamato Yoshi; Casey and April, the former who used to see Raph as a villain, and then later saw Donnie as a romantic rival; the latter who blamed the turtle’s for her father’s mutation, and avoided them for weeks afterwards; and though it’s more minor, the turtles have all had big arguments with each other in the past. But the fic starts with them all united, sharing ‘Sensei Day’ together and really rallying together as one big family. Yet even though they’d love that moment to last forever, it can’t. There’ll be new hardships, arguments and struggles they’ll have to go through, and sometimes it may seem that the bad outweighs the good, like when Karai leaves the lair to go with the Lotus. But if they don’t keep striving for tomorrow, to make the best of fate while at the same time carving their own destiny, then they’ll never know just how beautiful life can be. This is the message I think Future Donnie learned when he urged current Donnie to run after April, and what all of the Future turtles realized when they learned they could time travel to this point. It may have happened in the past, and it might be too late for their happy ending; but who says they couldn’t help bring a happy ending to other versions of themselves?

And of course, this message is closely intertwined with Splinter, Karai, and Oroku Saki. Shredder chose to follow in the footsteps of his former clan; to carve for himself a path of bloodshed and vengeance, which would dictate all the future choices in his life. Splinter had the choice to follow a similar path, but instead took the path less traveled on; the path of peace. This has opened new options for him, as he gained a new family, obtained happy memories to replace the bad, and got to know many amazing people he wouldn’t have otherwise. Who knows if he would have met April, Kirby, Murasaki, Leatherhead, or Kurtzmann if not for his sons? And while Splinter tries to tell Karai that to choose peace is to choose the higher option, Karai has been raised by the Shredder for too long, and her thoughts are obviously tainted by her false father’s teachings. After all, surely someone who hides away from a fight is the bigger coward…? Surely more honor belongs to the man who seeks out his opponents and does away with them…right?

This is all part of why the Shredder-Splinter-Karai relationship is so compelling. Karai is literally the gray line, separating Splinter’s white and Shredder’s black; she has parts of both of them within her, which makes her choices and actions truly interesting. Someone who is neutral is more relatable than someone who is wholly good or wholly bad, and (at least for me), we want to see what she does because we want to know how we’d react in those same situations. Personally, I can’t fault Karai for a single one of her actions and could see myself making the same mistakes. Even if every part of my rationale told me to trust Splinter, I wouldn’t be able to wholly turn myself away from someone who’d raised me from birth. I’d want to cut off that wrongness, that falseness from my life so I could truly feel free, and that perfectly describes what Karai does. She can’t separate what happened in her past, so she wants to cut it out; even though Splinter and the others don’t care about her past, they just want to help and support her current decisions. I hope Karai comes to realize this by the end of the fic, and that her bond with the others becomes stronger as a result of this whole experience.

For the final tidbit of this review, I’d like to go over the pacing. Like everything else within this fanfic, the pacing has been very smooth and well-handled, with one event following another like dominos falling one after the other. The first chapter starts with a peaceful scene, which leads into a comedic scene in the next chapter, which in turn leads to a romantic scene gone wrong in the third chapter. The progression feels very natural, and the slow as syrup beginning is perfect to help ease the reader into the action. I described the fic as a screenplay earlier, because the events really do take place in a movie-like pace. The tripartite structure has long been lauded as the perfect story system, and that still holds true to this day. Having three big acts which are either followed or preceded by a consecutive list of smaller acts is the perfect way to hype up your big scenes and give them more weight, which your fanfic certainly did.

I promised I would go into a little more detail for Chapter 35 and go into detail I shall. At this point I think you have the three-part structure down so well, that you’re even starting to instill it into your chapters! The first act starts out peacefully, if slightly tear-jerking; the Future turtles say good-bye to Splinter for the last time, and he had some great advice to give the four of them. Once again I found the fanfic hitting close to home with me, as my grandmother has Alzheimer’s and I know any day could be the last day I say bye to her. I swear, your fanfic is going to be one of those I return to over and over again just for the little personal tidbits of emotion it gives me!

Anyways, returning to the topic; the second part of the chapter sees the different groups initiating their plans. Leo, April and Mikey taking the secret passage by the church catacombs, and Donnie, Raph and Casey entering through Baxter Stockman’s lab. Of course, things don’t start out well for either group, as Leo’s group/Team Nerf gets the ceiling caved in on them, and Donnie’s group/Team Roof has some mutated human kids attack them. I was thinking this would be the point the Future Turtles come in to help, but since they don’t I’m sure there’s another aspect to the plan that the Leo’s are looking out for. Perhaps they realize that Karai would have split off from the main Lotus group and want to save some man-power to help her when the time comes.

And then, the third/final act of the chapter comes and gives me a minor heart attack. Three mutants aptly named Lock, Shock and Barrel enter the fray thanks to Rahzar, and don’t only injure most of the main fighters; Barrel knocks out Donnie as well. The turtles, Casey and April barely manage to defeat Barrel before the focus returns to Karai, who places herself straight in Shredder’s den amidst a throng of enemies. While cliffhangers aren’t my favorite things in the world (again; intended sarcasm), I do think it was perfectly timed here. Any more action taking place would just be too much, and at least you ended it in a way that reminded us readers of the important stakes behind their battle. Even though the turtles may be beaten and battered, it is imperative they push on; not just for their sakes, not even just for Karai, but also for the Lotus, Future Turtles, Splinter, and everyone else the Shredder has hurt. While it is true they can’t turn back time and reverse all the evil he has done, they can at least stop his hand right now, and save those that matter most to them. And that is truly the most important cause the turtles could have for their fight.