#they really couldn’t believe they were alive again. tbh why would they because it’s honestly kinda unbelievable

[nympippi]

Necromancer Finney AU: Before they grew into their personalities, would the recently revived Ghost Boys be in any forms of comatose? Like, would they just sit there quietly staring at nothing with a blank expression on their faces, not reacting to anything due to being revived from the dead

Mmm not necessarily, when the boys were first revived they were very freaked out and lashed out a lot, and cried too. Griffin was sobbing and clutching onto whoever or whatever he could get his hands on, Vance was yelling, and screaming at everyone thinking that this was some kind of trick, PB was confused and refused to let anyone touch him, Robin was also a little disoriented and refused to let anyone touch him and also thought it was a trick, and lastly Bruce was the only one silent, he thought he was still dead and was so confused by all the noise but tried to not acknowledge it.

All of them thought it was a cruel trick and when they saw Finn in their basement beside his own grave they burst out crying because they really thought he was killed and they refused to believe they were alive and had been brought back.

But they do stare at walls kinda spacing out and just get stuck in their own heads, reliving what happened to them in the basement.

[bots-and-cons]

Hey, i saw your "Scarlet Witch!Reader" and it gives me an idea.

Imagine she heard the discussions from the Autobots (She's on Team Prime after all) about her chaos magic powers could lead to destructions and that she will turn mad with power (which is completely the opposite, she's stable enough as she can be and kind and generous) and they should "keep an eye of her" in case she'll go crazy and what how do we stop her (aka in need to keep on lock her up) which affects her more and made her feel more outcast from them as much she's outcast from society which depressed her more. One day, in a terrible battle between them and the Decepticons, she "sacrifice" to save them (either she did sacrifice herself but miraculously survived but find herself alone after battle because everyone believe she died with it or secretly gets away from them in complete isolation from everyone, both humans and Autobots, living in a cottage in a forest or something, helping saving her world in her own way)

How Team Prime will react of her "death" and their guilts ? Because Some bot *cough*Ratchet*cough* was immediately rather skeptical and unsure about her (but grew soft sport for her soon) which discusses his concerns to the Bots before her "death" (Can't honestly blame him because of Megatron but NOT EVERYONE end like him Ratchet 😒)

(P.S, you can add IF Team Prime's reactions IF they EVER heard that she's alive and learning WHY she left somewhere FAR away from them. would they want to reach her again or....?)

So the HCs you mentioned don't really play into this, but if anyone is interested they can be found here. I did HCs since those are always easier and I wanted to write this. You can also interpret this as a prequel to this post. This is a bit of a ramble tbh and I didn’t do all the bots, just some

•You know your powers can scare people sometimes, they sometimes even scare you, but you thought the autobots were different

•They never truly hated you or anything, but they were skeptical of your powers and how much control you had over them

•When you accidentally hit Bulk with a rock that you were aiming at a vehicon, it all started to go downhill

•Sometimes you would do things with more strength than you needed to, and broke something, but a lot of the bots interpreted that as you doing it on purpose

•You thought they wouldn’t shun you or want to imprison you, but apparently you had been wrong

•They were just like everyone else, thinking your powers would drive you to madness or make you evil somehow

•You tried to ignore the whispers at the base, the conversations that stopped when you entered the room, the way Ratchet kept an eye on you every time you were around the kids and the way Arcee kept glaring at you

•These things didn’t help any, because they just made you angry and when you got irritated, you had less control

•It ended up being a vicious cycle, that you couldn’t seem to get out of

•It was getting to be too much, you wanted to get away from the autobots, away from anyone who would treat you with prejudice because of your powers

•You’re a kind and caring person, but somehow your strength seemed to be the deciding factor in how others treated you, instead of your personality

•You decided you wanted to leave, but you didn’t know how you’d be able to

•The autobots kept a pretty keen eye on you all the time, so you would have to do something drastic

•You didn’t know what that was going to be until you got the chance to do it

•You were fighting with the autobots against the decepticons, and you saw your chance

•You could fake your death and get away, you wouldn’t be chained down again, by anyone

•When you disappeared from the battlefield, the autobots assumed you had been taken or that they just couldn’t find your body

•Of course there was no body to find, but they didn’t know that

•When Optimus brought the news back to the base that you were gone, Ratchet sort of scoffed

•The type of “I told you so” scoff, that he used pretty often

•There was a lot of conversation at the base afterwards about if you were really dead and even if you weren’t maybe it was better you were gone

•Arcee was probably the most outspoken about her feelings about it being good that you weren’t at the base anymore

•She got a few surprised looks, but no one disagreed with her

•Bee and Smokescreen sort of fell victim to their seniors’ bias but neither of them hated you or anything

•Optimus was left with a lot of guilt after your “death”, even though he wanted to protect others from you, he wanted to protect you too

•He knew you weren’t a bad person, but he had seen what too much power can do to someone

•Maybe they were all too quick to judge, but they couldn’t do anything about it now, you were gone

•Arcee was always primarily worried about the trouble trio around you, because she had seen you literally rip vehicons apart when you needed to

•She was worried that if one of the kids angered you, you might hurt them

•Ratchet kept his “I told you so” attitude for a while after your “death”, but he eventually came to feel very guilty about how he had treated you during your last months with the team

[incorrect-ikevamp-quotes]

why does jean warn up to mc so quickly? ikevamp makes it clear that jean is a pretty reserved person and doesn't open up or let people in easily but he seems to let mc in quite quickly and it confuses me quite a bit.

Oh boy, where to begin with this one.

Well, I have a lot of Feelings^TM about this, but I'll try to be concise. Essentially, I think Jeanne doesn't recover in the other routes--or the general storyline--largely because he's just a lot to unpack narratively speaking. And without some pretty direct intervention, he has a hard time healing. MC’s direct intervention was meaningful because it was focused, consistent, and adapted to Jeanne’s specific needs. She also doesn’t make light of his experiences which is key; she fully understands that she can’t fathom what he’s been through. There is a very weighty respect and acknowledgement, a seriousness with which she treats his wounds that’s important.

It’s easy to make this a “why is MC nOt LiKe ThE oThEr GiRlS” but honestly that’s just not the sense I get when I look at all the information available to us. 

That being said, I also just feel like every person's recovery from traumatic events doesn't really look the same? I mean Leonardo’s cptsd isn’t going to operate the same way Jeanne’s wartime/Inquisition cptsd is going to operate. Some people require very individualized healing, others will often require a large scale group effort to lift them up.

Typically people don't ever just get over what happened to them and never worry about it again, either. It's usually a process of coping; the hope is that with time you find healthy ways to deal with grief and move forward. Therapists aren't magicians, they just help people process painful experiences/thoughts. It's honestly up to individuals to find meaningful ways to implement these tactics. 

Tl; dr: My contention is that Jeanne doesn’t open up or choose to stay alive because MC magically heals him, rather his recovery is a convergence of many people’s efforts and hopes that he stays alive. Gilles (he insists that Jeanne must live, asks him to promise), MC (affirms and bolsters that promise), Comte (makes a second life and recovery possible)--and in no small measure Mozart and Napoleon--all make an active effort to buoy him. As people often say, it takes a village to raise a child.

While Jeanne seems to respond most powerfully to MC’s attempts, it feels more like a product of chemistry/compatibility than it does a random cop out. There is no insinuation that only romantic love can heal; after all, MC gets close to him without any romantic intentions at first. They’re just good friends? It’s more that their feelings simply moved in a different direction after a point, which doesn’t necessarily happen all the time. Jeanne is also incredibly moved by Mozart’s love for him as a friend, Comte’s love for him as a father, and even Gilles’ love as a comrade to an extent. If anything, without their input Jeanne’s capacity for romantic love would be questionable at best.

Now, because I can never for the life of me stop analyzing, I have a more large scale outline of my thoughts below. Spoilers for Jeanne’s route:

If we look at Jeanne's life history, he has pretty specific trauma. Most of the harm he endured was a direct result of human rights violations after the war itself. He didn't enjoy fighting and killing people, but he's also very much a man that sees the reality of his position: it's either kill or be killed. His entire goal was to defeat the enemy as efficiently as possible in the hopes of ending conflict, and with his enormous resolve turns the tide. He had no innate interest in inflicting harm, or lack of control when engaging. He isn't pathological about it, and doesn’t dehumanize the other side. He was more "this was an act of necessity, but those are still human beings." So as far as I can tell he has a very strong moral compass and sense of duty, he doesn't show much delusion/confusion in that regard. (Also evident in his conversations with the young orphan boy.) Furthermore, he has been shown to have a sense of humor--cracking jokes with Gilles and boosting morale for his fellow soldiers.

His childhood abandonment is significant (he left his home because he was "not an adequate farmhand and they had no ability to feed all their children") but I don't know if I would consider it a huge trauma point for him. It seems as though he deemed it an act of necessity--not spite. It was simply the way of things, and he couldn't help his wiry constitution. You'd be surprised how common that was once upon a time, tbh... While it's certainly not right or fair, it does appear that in his perception it was the choice he made and he moved on after he became a soldier. Just focusing on what he could do, rather than everything he lacked. For people in his position, they often feel it is useless to linger on what should have been. There’s no time to linger or doubt, life hangs in the balance.

That leaves us with his time under the Inquisition, just before he was slated to be burned alive. I think this is the keystone trauma point for him, because there are a lot of moving parts to his powerlessness here. The first part is that his entire life's mission--ending the war so that people would no longer have to die and/or starve as a result of senseless violence--was just sabotaged. All those years of doing things he never wanted to do (wartime violence) and being forced to leave his family to ensure they didn't all starve, all of it treated like some kind of joke. Like he didn't sacrifice years of his life and sanity to protect a people who were happy to call him a monster and watch him burn alive. The second part is the overt gaslighting and rewriting of Jeanne's personal history (and overall French public perception) for the sake of the King's political agenda. To call him a treasonous danger to the country when he was once lauded a hero. The third portion is the actual physical helplessness of being arrested, starved, and continuously maimed for no reason beyond pure malice. While it's never right to do that to any human being, this was done to a man who prided himself on his stalwart moral code. To abuse and torture him for something egregious that he would never do (at the risk of death) is just another slap in the face to everything he is and believes in.

I just feel like the context clarifies why that period of time would be the tipping point. His entire moral code and life’s work is being called into question and swept aside, as well as his agency? He believes very powerfully in a sense of right vs wrong, what's fair and what isn't fair. Somebody else deciding that for him--and deciding in a way that is openly unfair/incorrect--further makes him lose himself and his sense of reality. A person in that situation begins to doubt if they are good or bad. His belief in god all the more pressing; if he was a good person, why would fate bring him so much suffering? Honorable soldier or not, his blade has drawn so much blood...

People often reference his stilted social skills (and I am of the belief that he is on the autistic spectrum) as a reason why he is so "people-adverse" but tbh? I don't agree. His memories before the onset of this trauma reveal that he was actually a very warm person, and that people were more than willing to fight under his banner. He had friends, and he had comrades--his country loved him. He was the picture of well-meaning civic duty. Just because he doesn’t integrate smoothly into larger social groups or adapt well to socially shifting circumstances, doesn’t mean he just hates people lmao. When people give him the space to exist within his comfort zone and don’t take advantage of him, he thrives. Compounded by that, we also have his actions in the present to further prove what is true and what isn't.

While he is stern with the orphan boy (I'm sorry I can't remember his name, damn it) there is no malice or cruelty in what he has to say. He doesn't punish the kid or do anything out of line. It may not be fair in terms of the adult level of discretion he asks of him, but the kid also didn't have a lot of options realistically speaking lmao. Same thing with MC, she and the orphan boy are nearly identical in how Jeanne treats them. He's a little rough, but the route reveals that his intentions are just a reflection of what he's been through. He truly believes that if a person isn't strong, they won't survive--because his entire life was a series of trying to be strong/reliable because nobody else would. There was nobody to protect him, and nobody to care for him went things went south. It was him and his sword against the world, and even his exceptional skill as a fighter did not protect him from the Inquisition's arbitrary torture. He has lived in a world where good acts can become absolutely meaningless, where following rules and helping people still gets you slaughtered. That's going to take a considerable toll on his mental health: where do you find the will to go on when the next second of your life could mean the devastation of everything that matters to you?

Spoilers: you don't. Or if you do, every minute of the day is a fight to stay alive. That is the point at which we meet Jeanne. Caught in the hellish whirlpool of wanting more, wanting better--but being terrified of the cost. The cost of hoping, only for his entire world to go up in flames again. It's not a small thing, in my view.

If you have any doubts as to whether or not that is the case, I direct you to literally every singular instance in which Jeanne's emotional sensibility goes visibly dark/south. When do these instances happen? When it rains, for one. And when Shakespeare deliberately starts pressing on his sensitivities: about the soldiers he was forced to kill, about the nation that spurned him, how he's truly "wicked" at heart and doesn't deserve to be happy--seconds before flames erupt for the festival. Does that really sound coincidental? I mean lmao. The rain is a painful reminder, but MC transforms that memory into something a little lighter with her bet. He has nothing to lose in her game, all she does is ask for time with him or offers him something if she loses. There's a playfulness there, a restoration of agency and ease that's invaluable to his recovery.

As for Shakespeare's deliberate retraumatization...I can't even begin to explain how damaging that event was. Shakespeare is undermining Jeanne's agency in that he--not unlike the corrupt monarch of Jeanne's era--is twisting Jeanne's beliefs to work against him. He knows full well that Jeanne doesn't feel like he deserves somebody so bright and understanding (we need to remember it's not really a luxury he's had much in life, especially after the war ended). He knows Jeanne has a tendency to impose that strict moral code on himself even more than he does on others. To reaffirm his every worst fear and lurking terror only throws Jeanne into a vicious downspiral. Jeanne doesn't reject MC out of disgust or hate. He rejects her because he literally cannot handle the concept of trying to be happy again, or of burdening her with his constant struggle to move on while he’s in the middle of a bad episode. He knows he won’t be able to stop reliving the past, that every second of his life and breath will be colored by his gruesome memories. He's trying as hard as he can to keep the intrusive thoughts quiet, to move on. But I'm not going to lie to any of you, that is incredibly difficult to do alone.

The next obvious question is, well why can't the other men help him? This isn't to say that they can't--we see how much solace Jeanne finds in Napoleon and Mozart. Even Isaac is gentle with the veteran. But there are limits to how much they can do. Napoleon is struggling with his own wartime trauma, and it's not identical to Jeanne's. Plus there’s a distinct difference in their sensibilities? Napoleon is the type to habitually seek comfort in helping others when he can't help himself, he's not as in tune with answering his own personal feelings and regulating them. (I mean just look at his new ES: he knows what he wants, but it takes a nudge from Isaac for him to go through with it.) He’s very communally reliant in ways Jeanne isn’t; Jeanne is a very private person, and typically prefers one on one from what I can tell.

Mozart is the definition of repression, and if you look at their interactions it's usually Jeanne that's smoothing over Mozart's rough edges. Mozart says as much himself: that he feels like a rotten friend because he knew Jeanne was struggling with a lot of intense trauma, but he didn't know how to unravel it without hurting him in the process. Mozart calls it personal cowardice, but honestly I just feel like they both had too much going on to be able to help each other effectively. (And Jeanne expresses this sentiment too? This idea that he's not angry with Mozart? He knows they're both carrying a lot, he's just touched Mozart cares about him in return.)

Okay, briefly unrelated, but like. Am I the only one that wheezes uncontrollably when Mozart is like "?????? Idk what it is about MC...I don't want her to be scared of me..." in his own main story in the baths. And Jeanne. IS TRYING SO HARD. NOT TO SPILL THE BEANS ABOUT HIM O B V I O U S L Y BEING IN LOVE. THE HILARITY I CAN'T DO THIS. Jeanne was like "yeah....yeah that's rough buddy.......[screams internally, give your boy time Jeanne he's fragile]"

Honestly? That's the thing about Jeanne too--he has incredible self-awareness and hyperarousal-related (I mean the PTSD kind, get your head out of the gutter) awareness to the people around him. He's very, very conscious of the fact that he is surrounded by geniuses when he can't even write his own name. Just because he has the fortitude not to lash out with his insecurities, doesn't mean he never feels stupid or inferior. And it doesn't help when there are people in the mansion who call him--a fucking war veteran from 500 YEARS AGO--nAiVe. He's not naive lmao. He just doesn't know how the world works so many years later, and it's a ridiculously steep learning curve? Leonardo and Comte are nearly 500 years old, but they lived throughout every hour of that time in a linear fashion. It is a big deal to be moved from 1430 to 1890 in the span of a second asynchronously, and then be expected to function without a hitch??? Given the circumstances he adapts well.

That atmosphere--this constant impatience with what he doesn’t understand, his inability to be caught up to speed quickly--is going to hinder his recovery lmao. He feels like a burden most of the time, and agency and freedom are crucial.

Another thing that occurs to me about the mansion's arrangement is that there is a power dynamic, just as any space with people in it has some level of hierarchy (unless you live with miraculously chill people). Jeanne is acutely aware that Comte is the most powerful being in that space, and he is not only hatefully angry at him--but likely afraid too. We have to remember that the biggest betrayal he witnessed in his life was at the hands of a monarch; it was the aristocracy that turned on him and erased the truth. Comte is openly a child that resulted from both that era and that type of lineage, I don't really blame Jeanne for being wary. He intimately knows how willing rich people are to throw normal folks under the bus to suit their ambitions/whims. Comte, while not deliberately threatening, also seems to be painfully aware of this impression he gives off. His "chad persona" as I've mentioned allows him to navigate his life in secret by necessity, but it’s actively damaging to his son. He can't reveal the truth because of Vlad's betrayal, and he's openly unsettled by what it could mean to be honest. Will they wonder about Vlad and find themselves ensnared under his mind control as Charles and Shakespeare are? Will Comte himself be subjected to the mortifying ordeal of being known only to lose them?? That's a risk he isn't willing to take--and that leaves him in a double bind.

What is it that they say, the truth will set you free? This is where MC and Comte come into enormous play when it comes to Jeanne's recovery. One thing to keep in mind is that most of the people in the mansion have their own traumas they're trying to carry, and I feel like a lot of them are unsure how to approach Jeanne. Or if they do, he's very guarded. It takes a lot of consistent effort to get through to him. What does MC do when Jeanne unleashes his harsh worldview on her? She's understandably frightened, but Jeanne isn't malicious (so she chases him around). In fact, he openly avoids and runs away from her--well aware that what he's done is wrong. If anything, he did it on purpose, bringing us right back to Shakespeare's verbal undoing; why does Jeanne attack her in the first place?

LMAO. He attacks her because she essentially says "oh thanks for helping me!" "I am not nice. Watch yourself." "But you seem like a nice guy to me?" "REEEEEE" Does the pattern become a little clearer? When people think kindly of him, his instinct is to shatter that illusion with an impulsive reprehensible act. When people think poorly of him or lash out, what does he do? When that orphan boy starts yelling and screaming, Jeanne is nothing but calm. He explains the situation, and offers the kid a choice, perfectly happy to be the bearer of bad news. This operates on many levels I’m sure, but I have a feeling it has something to do with him being hailed a saint and a war hero only to be tortured and branded a monstrosity (and he probably thinks being a vampire is doubly monstrous). He’s more comfortable being hated because he feels it’s what he deserves in a lot of ways.

Jeanne has a lot of internalized self-hatred because of what he's done, and because of how much harm was inflicted on him outside of his control (he's Catholic and he was tortured, come on this writes itself). If I'm honest, I think that's actually the greater part of why he hates Comte lmao. Comte refuses the very concept of being cruel no matter how much Jeanne lashes out. Sure he lectures him and scolds him, but he never actively limits what's important to him or controls or harms him. Comte fully realizes the tragedy of how Jeanne's life was used by a nation in dire straits, and knows he needs time and acceptance to heal. No matter how dismal or unhappy, Comte doesn't stop--he fully believes Jeanne should have time in his life where he can really live for himself for once. But therein lies the issue, Jeanne doesn't know how to live for himself.

Which brings me to how MC and Comte "heal" Jeanne. I feel like they give him the space he needs to recover, and that's what results in his gentled temperament and happiness. Remember that so much of his main story is MC endlessly chasing after Jeanne. No amounts of his hissing or running or threatening stops her. Even if his refusals are empty of real dislike, they're enough to deter most people. Not MC. She's able to see through to the depths of who he is, and doesn't just use him for her own ends? She actively seeks to teach him (to read and write) to help him settle better in this era, she actively tries to ease his distaste for rain with a well-meaning bet, and she never gives up on him. (Actions mean so much more to him than words in general too, tbh...). Love is more easily defined by work and effort than it is by attraction.

When he has his episode at the festival, sure she's rattled; but that's because she truly believed that he didn't want to be around her anymore. When she notices he really doesn’t want to be followed, she stops like any normal person would. It’s only when she reads his notebook and sees the truth for herself (that he’s given up despite having the same feelings for her) that her determination is rekindled. She doesn't approach him fearfully, doesn't treat him like he's made of glass either. She just wants him as he is--accepts and loves him as he is. Scarred, bloody, exhausted, abrasive, terrified. She doesn't define him by how easy he is to love. That is a huge issue with traumatized people lmao. Because of their maturity, people always just assume they don't need help, or they rely on them to an extent that isn't sustainable. The second they reveal need or that they struggle, people walk away or victim blame them because it’s easier than taking them seriously.

While MC's attempts may be a little more obvious (cherishing his lily field, wearing the hair pin he gave her, careful about his gruesome injury, really listens when he talks about the horrors of his life and accepts that he experienced a level of agony/terror she can never understand, tries to express her feelings no matter his evasion) I think it's also important to consider Comte's large scale effort. I don't say this to undermine MC, I say it because Jeanne's life was defined by a complete lack of security. He left his parents to make their lives easier, he lived in a war that meant life or death any second, and his country's leader branded him a traitor which lead to his endless torture and public execution. Jeanne does not know a life in which safety is the norm. Point blank. He does not understanding going outside and not expecting the worst anymore.

Comte not only understands that level of despair, but treats it with dignity and respect. He fully accepts being hated if it means Jeanne can use that hatred to live on and find a way to heal. And most importantly, when Jeanne begins to move forward with MC and Mozart's help, Comte never once holds it against Jeanne when the truth is revealed. He's not angry, this isn't about reprisal or reparations or revenge. It's just love.

Jeanne doesn't really have a concept of this? His entire life was mostly transactional, defined by strength and efficiency. Nobody gives a damn about your feelings. You either hurl yourself at the problem or die. Nobody is going to help you or carry you or save you. While he may have had a little more support while he was in the military from his fellow soldiers, that support system was ripped away from him during the Inquisition.

One very common sentiment regarding elongated imprisonment and torture is that survival occurs in pairs. It is an undeniable fact that people need others to survive. It is the nature of who we are. Individualism has never proven to be successful, or if it is, its dividends are astronomically minimal when compared to people working together.

What does it mean to be the most reliable, steady person in the room? Usually it just means you don't know how to ask for help when you are no longer capable of maintaining that stance. Napoleon is guilty of it. Leonardo, Comte, and Jeanne all are too. It's part of why MC and Comte's capacity to see what he needs and provide as much as they can is such a big deal. That sort of consistent support (without a constant necessity to beg for help) allows Jeanne to be able to re-integrate into his new reality and find joy. Even if his nightmares and memories never go away, they are now being actively overrun by positive experiences. That's the thing about recovery, really--it tends to be more about drowning out the negative as much as possible and coming to terms with it, than it is about forgetting or never feeling it again. It’s about softening the sharp edges of pain like sea glass.

So is MC magical and randomly got Jeanne to open up? Nah, I don't think so. I think it was a series of persistence and real acceptance of who he is that made him warm up. People really seem to underestimate how deeply affecting understanding is, but that's how damage is undone. Jeanne can't really linger on the idea of his own monstrousness, his unworthiness, a lifetime of misery, when the person in front of him actively listens and cares about him. Makes him laugh and smile and lose himself in warmth for the first time.

If I'm honest, I feel like people also just...underestimate the level of traumatic resurgence that's perpetuated and inflicted by society’s standards in general lmao. This rhetorical structure in which good and bad exist in moral extremes, this idea that people should be able to recover and never experience relapses or periods of sensitivity. The refusal to radically listen to people and their problems, and make active attempts--not matter how small--to mend/ease those hurt feelings. Granted there will always be people in the world who do not want to improve, but I feel like most people want to. It's hopelessness, silence, and stigmatization that remain the true enemies of traumatized/mentally ill people everywhere. And among that population are always war veterans...

[bellaslilpapercut]

The combination of how the cullens behave towards people and how little they care (as per therealvinelles metas) and fuckmeyers metas and how often they are incredibly immoral and strange, what is their motive for vegitarianism? Like, their reasons for why they do it are clear sometimes but what is their internal justification for it? What do they think their motives are?

This is an interesting question!! I think for some of the cullens it's clearer and more consistent than others:

Carlisle: was prepared to die rather than violate the "sanctity of life" right from the moment he was turned. Now, what he considers life is definitely influenced by his (and meyer's) christianity*. He had no qualms with eating animals as a human or as a vampire. He also cares about the shifters up to a point. Based on book canon, he would never kill one of the pack members and he does value the treaty more than the others Cullens (especially Edward) but I think he also sees himself as somewhat superior to them. He ran tests on Jake's blood without consent, valuing his own curiosity over Jacob's right to his own body. But that's a whole other meta lol. Anyway, I think Carlisle, like many christians*, values "human" (he's added vampires and shifters to this) life period over quality of life. He didn't let Rose die because it would have been a "waste" but he didn't consider what a curse immortality would be for her. Alive in any condition is better than dead for Carlisle and I believe that is his core motivation for continuing the diet (and for turning the 4 vampires that he did).

Jasper: I put him second because I agree with @therealvinelle that Jasper might have figured out the vegetarian diet on his own eventually even if he'd never met alice. Jaspers gift made it painful for him to feed and in Eclipse he tells Bella that he went so far as to starve himself for periods of time just to avoid the emotional pain of feeding. His self control still isn't perfect but he is the only Cullen who personally needs the diet, not for moral reasons like Carlisle, but because feeding from humans is almost traumatizing for him.

Esme: her only motivation for the diet is carlisle. Honestly during my reread Esme comes across as nice, not kind, and very nearly agoraphobic. She avoids most humans except for Bella and only works in isolation (renovating a house by herself during NM). She isn't doing the diet because she likes being around people and needs to control her urges and blend, she isn't doing the diet out of compassion (she told Edward he could eat Bella in MS if that's what he needed to do), and she has no physical or emotional need like Jasper to refrain from eating humans. She only does it because Carlisle, the man she had romanticized and adored since she was 16, "saved" her and taught her this diet. She does it for him.

Rosalie: Rosalie is also in a unique position within the Cullen clan because for her the diet is not about morals or need but control. And with her "origin story" so to speak, it makes perfect sense. The last moments of her life were senseless violence. For her, whether she would admit it or not, the diet is entirely about exerting control over her current undead life. Regaining the agency that was taken from her in her last moments of life and in the first moments of her life as a vampire. You can see it in the way she speaks of her record as well- she doesn't care that she isn't killing humans or drinking them, she cares because she has self control. She is empowered by her spotless feeding record and she feels justified in the deaths she did cause (even brushing off the two guards she killed to get to Royce).

Edward: Edward only does the diet for his own internal theater. He's wrapped up in his own unfolding drama- when he turns away from Carlisle he turns himself into a vigilante, scouring the night for sexual predators, drug abusers, pedophiles, and deviants. It's very Film Noir for him. He tells Bella that he couldn't bear to kill "good" humans which was why he went after "villains" when he did break from the diet but as we learn in MS when he fantasizes about killing literally the entire Quileute tribe, Edward doesn't care about killing "good" humans either. Edward would kill anyone as long as the reason was justified by his own theater. He'd kill Mike Newton out of "love," he'd kill deviants on the street to "prove" himself, he'd even try to kill to whole Volturi just to martyr himself and "prove" that they really were evil after all. Edward only does the vegetarian diet while it fits with his self image. With Bella, he sees himself as saintly, "like carlisle," punishing himself with thirst so that he deserves the Bella Madonna he invented in his own head. And of course, a lot of his self image and image of world is warped into a wonky Carlisle shape because he's fully obsessed with his creator. He does the diet in part for carlisle (which we see in NM when Alice "sees" edward killing hundreds of tourists in volterra and then changing his mind so that he doesn't disappoint carlisle) and in part because of his own mental theater.

Emmett, Alice, & Bella: all three do the diet because "that's what cullens do." They aren't motivated by love of carlisle, like Esme, even if they may all respect carlisle (tbh I wouldn't believe that any of them feel love for anyone though that comes down to meyers ability to show genuine love in the first place. But again that's a whole other meta lolol). They don't really care about humans at all as all three have the "slip ups happen, lol" attitude about eating humans. Alice does the diet because she "saw" it, Emmett does the diet because Carlisle turned him, Bella does the diet because she's a Cullen. If edward wanted to leave and go on a binge-eating road trip through every city in america, Bella would tag along.

Renesmee: honestly I don't remember BD well and I'm not there yet in my reread but I vaguely remember Renesmee being capable of biting humans (and Jacob) without killing them. If this is the case, I don't think Renesmee will be following the diet for very long at all because why bother reigning herself in if she can sip on a human with no real consequence of murder?

Of course, I assume Renesmee will still be "vegetarian" in meyers threatened sequel because the out of universe reason the cullens have to be vegetarians is simply, they need to be superior. They need to stand out from those other nasty vampires who are only vegetarians for sex or worse, aren't vegetarians at all! The theme of valuing existence over quality of life is really consistent throughout the saga, from Carlisle's choice to turn the cullens that he did to Bella's decision to keep Renesmee. Its a very pro-life series through and through.

* I didn't want to get too wordy there but I mean the US's specific brands of christianity like evangelicalism and mormonism. In the US, christians value "sanctity of life" over quality of life in every way. (Ergo why it's easier to pass abortion bans than universal healthcare here.) I don't think meyer really paid much attention to historical accuracy when she wrote Carlisle (if she thought london had sewers in the 17th century, I doubt she would know the nuanced differences between modern and early protestantism) so I think his own religious beliefs are more reflective of modern US christianity than 17th century britain's christianity. *

[takahero]

okay *rolls up sleeves* listen here. fenoglio was really proud of basta and capricorn. so much so that he couldn’t kill them off — he even had hopes of writing a sequel featuring them. later, when the characters find themselves in grave danger, fenoglio’s the one who comes up with the idea of destroying capricorn by throwing in a twist with the shadow. (Chapter 46, Inkheart).

then, when fenoglio starts struggling over his writing, it doesn’t seem to cross his mind to kill off capricorn’s henchmen. when meggie urges him to, fenoglio quickly rejects the idea, asserting that he’s a “writer” and not a “mass murderer” and that he’ll think of “some less bloodthirsty ending.” (Chapter 53, Inkheart)

it just makes me think — he was sure about killing off capricorn, his beloved villain, but there’s not a peep about basta’s outcome in all of this. so…did fenoglio think of basta as one of the aforementioned henchmen, that he felt reluctant to kill?? maybe. but if basta was so horrible and evil, wouldn’t fenoglio have been sure to include him in his plan to destroy capricorn? wouldn’t he have mentioned him to meggie? (Chapter 46, Inkheart) idk, he seems entirely to be omitted from all of this!!

theory: the reason basta survived at the end of inkheart is because fenoglio secretly wanted him to.

ok ok wait let me get into a bit more detail, bc now I wanna bring up inkspell:

examples:

Chapter 14, Inkspell:

“And there’s another thing,” said the Prince. “The Strong Man picked up a boy and a girl in the forest today. They told a strange story: they said Basta, Capricorn’s knife-man, was back, and they’re here to warn an old friend of mine about him — Dustfinger. I expect you’ve heard of him?”

“Mmph?” Fenoglio nearly choked on his wine with surprise. “Dustfinger? Yes, of course, the fire-eater.”

…

A boy and a girl…Dustfinger…Fenoglio’s thoughts were racing.

might just be me, but it really feels like fenoglio reacted far more to dustfinger being back than bad old basta lmao

And what about Capricorn? Was he dead? Had her plan worked? If so, why was Basta still alive?

this here ^ is admittedly the counter-argument that that fenoglio did believe basta should be dead. I will address that later

(also, correct me if I’m wrong, but does fenoglio actually NOT mention basta again until Chapter 39? I thought I remembered meggie telling fenoglio what happened but I could not find anything between 14-39. anyway…)

Chapter 39, Inkspell:

It was the sight of his companion that made Fenoglio’s knees feel weak. Basta was smiling at him like a long-lost friend.

How could you forget that Basta’s back?

“Well, what a surprise! Basta! How did you escape the Shadow?” he said out loud, moving unobtrusively backwards until he could feel the bed behind him. Ever since a man in the house next door had his throat cut in his sleep, he had slept with a knife under his pillow, although he wasn’t sure if it was still there.

LIKE…okay i get this might be a reach….but don’t you find it crazy that fenoglio’s immediate thought is like: basta’s BACK. back in inkworld. and not…‘why is basta NOT DEAD?’ LMAO. cmon…if it were capricorn standing before him, i swear his reaction would be different. awe, perhaps. he’s a big fan of his villains, remember? overall, he just seems quite…unfazed by the fact that basta is not dead

and yes, he does ask basta, ‘how did you escape the shadow?’ but it’s obviously a gambit to buy some time so he can get to the knife under his pillow. is fenoglio interested in the answer at all? i really can’t tell, tbh…

in conclusion: i don’t think fenoglio intended for basta to escape the shadow. i think fenoglio really did expect him to die, but was reluctant about it. and I think that reluctance, lingering deep down in his heart, subconsciously wove its way into his writing. i don’t think basta survived because he was in the cell, or because he avoided mortola’s dirty work. neither of these felt like believable reasons to me…nor were they worded as such, either. any attempt to justify basta’s survival seems to be more speculation than anything concrete. i think basta survived because fenoglio had a soft spot for him, in spite of everything.

fenoglio’s fond of his villains. but he gave capricorn and basta vastly different backstories. capricorn’s story is cold, heartless, and cruel. i did not feel a shred of pity for that man, from beginning to end. basta’s story, on the other hand, is quite clearly sad. like: a devoted follower, despised by his master? convinced of his worthlessness as a child? would rip his heart out for a master who thinks he’s stupid? (are you trying to break my heart, fenoglio?) not to mention the absolute STATE of him in the cell!!

so yeah, feel free to let me know your thoughts! honestly this was a big old ramble but it was pretty fun to get out ;)

[fowl-fox]

I know I keep asking you all these random questions, but- in AF, it always irked me that we never learned about Fowl Sr.’s return to Fowl Manor, given that he was recovering from being in a coma (I know his amputation sight would have been healed by then, but I don’t think he would have been strong enough to walk on a prosthetic for a while- he probably used crutches for a bit). Like... what was that like for the Fowls. I know that the books never go into it, but I would have hoped that it was a brief period of the Fowl Family being just... happy to be together again, even as they were having to dramatically restructure their lives again to adjust to the head of the family being home again, especially for Tim and Angeline. Any thoughts or headcanons or what-not?

Ask as many questions as you like! (That goes for anyone else as well.) It gets my brain going and motivates me to start writing things. Also sorry this took a bit, I've got medical crap going on rn.

As usual, I'm gonna toss this under a Read More, because boy, did this get long, I apologize. And I'm going to warn you, a lot of this delves into how I feel about Artemis' relationship with Tim and Angeline overall. But it's those feelings that drive most of my headcanons, so I feel like it's best to talk about them.

Let's start with Artemis Sr. and his state of being after rescue. I'm gonna pull some quotes from my copies of The Arctic Incident and The Eternity Code throughout my pondering, please bear with me.

At the beginning of TAI, we're given a laundry list of ailments Fowl Sr. has when he's dragged out of the water in the beginning of the book:

"Though the man's clothes were relatively intact, his body had not fared so well. His bare hands were mottled with frostbite. One leg had been snapped below the knee, and his face was a horrific mask of burns."

"He'll lose that leg for sure, (...) A couple of fingers, too. That face doesn't look too good either."

When it's Holly's turn to drag Fowl Sr. out of the water, his heartbeat is dangerously low, due to deadly cold water. We know she kept him alive, healed the chest wound caused by the blunt force of the shell Butler shot him with, as well as a blinded eye that wasn't mentioned previously, but we're not really told anything else, which I suppose leaves it up to our imaginations as to what ailments he's left with.

We know he lost his leg, but did he lose some of those frostbitten fingers? Frostbite doesn't fuck around (Mayo Clinic link, if you'd like), and while it's not mentioned, it would be likely his captors would have had to amputate a few of those as well, to prevent the dead tissue from eventually killing their meal ticket. His face was severely burned from the explosion, how extensive was the scaring after everything was said and done? We know magic can heal scars if that's what the magic is told to do, but Holly probably wasn't worried about that in the moment, and she makes this statement:

"I got him," she gasped, "One live Mud Man. He's not pretty, but he's breathing."

So even with Holly doing what she could, it sounds like Fowl Sr.'s condition was still really rough. Rough enough to need prolonged medical attention. He'd spent nearly two years in a coma before waking up in Murmansk, and the ordeal of his rescue was enough to throw him back into a coma, as we're told in The Eternity Code.

Except wait a minute. In Artemis Jr.'s diary excerpt, we're given some information that contradicts the previous book.

"It had been over two months since Holly Short used her healing magic on his battered body, and still he lay in his Helsinki hospital bed. Immobile, unresponsive.

The doctor's could not understand it. He should be awake, they informed me. His brain waves are strong, exceptionally so. And his heart beats like a horse. It is incredible, this man should be at death's door, yet he has the muscle tone of a twenty-year old.

(…) Holly's magic has overhauled his entire being, with the exception of his left leg, (...) He has received an infusion of life, in body and mind."

(...) my father had no need of medical attention. He simply sat up, rubbed his eyes, and muttered one word: 'Angeline.'"

So now Holly's magic apparently healed everything but the lost leg? What?

I love the Artemis Fowl books, but I will always be a little frustrated with their inconsistencies. But you know what? It's great for giving yourself permission to play around with your headcanons. If Colfer changes what he wants when he wants, I certainly won't feel bad about doing it.

I'm going to go with the TAI and say that Tim was still in a really rough state after everything. Ignoring that supposedly his muscles were fine, he'd still have to learn how to walk on the prosthetic. And tbh, I'm just going to believe that his muscles weren't magically perfect. Maybe easier to build back than they would have been without the magical infusion, but there was definitely gonna be work involved. And that's ignoring probable mental trauma. He was in a coma for a large portion of his captivity, but there was a brief period of time where he was conscious, with captors that maybe couldn't kill him, but definitely didn't treat him well (though it sounds like he was being a difficult captive, but yeah, of course, he's a Fowl lol.)

(Detour Thought: My mental picture of Artemis Senior has always involved heavy facial scarring, especially on the side of his face where the damage was apparently bad enough to blind him.)

But to get back to your original inquiry (Jesus, Blue, I am so sorry at how badly I've dragged this out) I do like to think there would be a period of recovery and restructure that would involve the Fowls getting to be a happy family together. Great potential for a hurt/comfort fic, if you ask me.

--

I'm going to be frank, (and this opinion puts me at odds with the fandom at large, I know) - from my interpretations of the books overall, while Artemis certainly had a strict upbringing with parents who were usually busy and definitely irresponsible, I never got the sense that it was a loveless childhood. Nor did I ever get the sense that Artemis feared his father as a person, but rather that he feared disappointing him, which at no point are we told ever actually happened. I've read these books a million times, I've never found anything in them suggesting Artemis ever disappointed his father, nor that Tim was ever actually cruel to Artemis. Strict, yes. Overly formal? Definitely. But not cruel.

Now, the fact that he felt he had to jump through so many hoops to maintain his father's approval? Bad parenting, Tim. Also, don't encourage him to be a criminal mastermind, maybe. But also Artemis is an over-achiever by nature, which Tim just either didn't clue in on or more likely imo, thought it was in Artemis' best interests as an heir of a criminal empire to be that way.

Aside from Tim and Angeline later suggesting he try to be more 'normal' and let go of his criminal tendencies, and that one incident of Angeline pulling a guilt trip (all of which is a whole other thing I won't get into rn), Artemis' parents speak positively to and about him. I just honestly think they don't know how to be actual parents, which, being aristocrats, tracks. They function almost more like older siblings after TAI, really, which isn't exactly great, but it could be worse.

We know his father used to read to him regularly when he was little (ending with a kiss on the head, which I always thought was sweet) and we know that Angeline was always warm and available to him whenever possible (until her grief-stricken dementia set in.) Artemis has a moment of angst at how strict/formal his upbringing was compared to the twins, but overall he generally speaks positively of his parents, and he loved and missed them enough to risk his life several times for them. Even when he's frustrated by their joined presence making it harder for him to conduct criminal activities, he still misses them and thinks about them often when he's away from them.

--

Which yeah, that's what this all boils down to for me. Artemis just wants time with both of his parents, and Artemis Sr.'s recovery, in my headcannon, would absolutely allow for that time he so desperately wanted, deep down. Assisting in the physical recovery, using the down time to really talk and catch up (without mentioning his fairy adventures, of course.) It would be a drastic change and awkward to adjust to initially, but overall I think it would be good.

And as for Tim and Angeline? I think there would be of course the joy of being reunited with the love of your life, because Tim and Angeline are absolutely soul-mates. But I also imagine there were many, many conversations of regrets and questioning how to move forward as a family from this point. Angeline seems to defer to Tim as the one who makes decisions for the family as a whole, but she isn’t afraid to give her input. I bet they were scared, in a way, because not only has everything changed, but the future is uncertain. They have to restructure their whole life, and while overall the changes are positive, they’re not going to be easy.

I also feel like it would be difficult for Angeline in particular because while Tim returning is a joyful thing, she now probably has some self doubts. Why did she fall apart so tremendously, at the expense of not only her well being, but her son’s? While she isn’t the best parent, I imagine Angeline will always carry heartache about her time in the attic and how she forgot her own son. And to an extent I bet Tim does too, because it was his disappearance that triggered it.

And now I want to write a fic about all of this, which I guess I'll add to my pile of ideas I've been playing around with.

–

I'd definitely like to hear more thoughts on the matter from you if you have them!

[out-of-this-dimension]

Hypothetically Rewriting Assault’s Story + Some General Assault Opinions

There’s a game my husband and I like to play when we watch a movie, play a game, or read a book that has a story that we don’t really enjoy or we enjoy certain parts of but not others.  We look at things we’d keep and things we’d change and we build a story from there-- sort of like an AU but we don’t really go into the writing part, we just stick to theorizing and mapping a general story.

I decided to play that game with Star Fox.  Not because I think Star Fox has a bad story but because sometimes I think the stories could have been handled better.  Note: for the rewrite game, I only really look at story, even for video games, I don’t really look at gameplay mechanics, but I do understand those have a lot to do with story potential so I do take it in as a factor... I just don’t bother to “rewrite” the mechanics, if that makes any sense at all.  Some of my list today will include boss encounters but I wouldn’t necessarily say those are mechanic-related... more like “event-related”.

I’ve mused a bit in the past about rewriting Adventures and Command and I do have plans to do a mock up of an Adventures remake eventually.  However, today I was thinking about how I would go about handling an Assault re-write in particular.  Much like Command and Adventures, I don’t have any beef with the core story but I do think there’s a few things that could’ve been better about Assault’s storyline-- like they had good ideas rolling but they didn’t quite refine them.

Under the cut because SUPER long.

My basic feelings on Assault are pretty positive.  I think the game is generally just fun and I like that it feels like the natural progression from SF64.  I liked getting to see planets we haven’t seen since the N64 era in better graphics and I liked seeing Star Wolf return.  I also just thought the aparoids were neat enemies. 

Generally speaking, though, when it comes to Assault, I think it suffers from the thing it tries to push the most-- the story.  I think a lot of people get caught up in thinking the story is better than it is because it’s the first game since SF64 that really follows the same Star Fox vibe without retelling the Lylat Wars.  Don’t get me wrong, the overall plot is great but the execution and pacing are... wonky.  Certain characterizations also take a hit in some regards but no one really talks about that when Command exists. That’s something we’ll talk about later on with this post.

That being said, Assault really does have a lot good going for it.  An absolute banger of a soundtrack, some great dialogue, a neat story synopsis, the introduction of cool characters like Panther and Beltino (who existed but was always off-screen), and just good levels.  

So, here’s what I would add, I suppose, if I were to somehow have the ability to rewrite Assault.  Originally I had this in paragraph form, but I’ve made it into more of a list under topic segments with main points bolded for your viewing pleasure.  Some of these points might be considered nitpicky and while I do understand that yes, this is a game about space animals, I do hold the developers in high enough regard to make a game with a continuity that makes sense.

The Story Changes

- Reduce Pigma’s storyline in Assault.  This is the biggest one for me because a bulk of the plotline feels like a giant chase to just get at Pigma and it feels like it derails from the actual plot with the aparoids.  We only go to Sargasso because of Pigma.  We only go to Fichina and then back to Meteo again, because of Pigma.  That’s 3 levels in a 10 level game devoted to just tracking down Pigma and chasing him.  While it makes the build up to fighting Pigma kind of nice, I personally feel like the plot could be reduced to 2 levels.  If Assault overall was a longer game, I could see them making it 3 levels.  Overall, though, in its current state, I feel like the side plot overstays its welcome and the aparoids promptly get shoved to the side in favor of “Oh no, we gotta get to Pigma!” And I get the main motive here is to show how the aparoids affect people and because of the build up, it does a good job at showing how utterly terrifying the aparoids are.  But it’s still too long given the length of Assault’s story. The only alternative to this is make Assault longer, which... honestly, it should be.  

- Revise the scene with Tricky.  I’m obviously not well-versed in dinosaur biology but I’m pretty sure dinos didn’t grow that fast from what studying I HAVE done.  And why is he suddenly king now?  Did his parents die?  He seems not affected by this at all?  Like it’s a funny scene with him, Fox, and Krystal, but it’s odd if you really look at it.  Give us, as players, more context because I’m still not even sure what happened to make Tricky suddenly the leader and... big.  As a note, you’re gonna hear me gripe a lot about the Sauria level in this post.

- The Star Wolf + Peppy sacrifice is a low effort way to raise tension/stakes and then cop out.  Oldest trick in the book, imo, is to act like you’re going to kill off important characters only for them to be alive miraculously.  And let’s face it, as an audience we all know they aren’t going to kill those characters because it’s Nintendo and those characters are too beloved.  I would’ve forgiven them for only doing this with Peppy or Star Wolf, but when you tack them both together and throw in the fact they make it seem like you’re going to have to kill General Pepper too... yeah, it’s just a bit much of the same trope over and over again.  I wanted to put a note in here about how I’m fine with the Great Fox being “sacrificed” but overall, it needed to return to the series because of it’s icon status, but I think that’s more of a gripe at Command instead of Assault.

- Keep Pigma alive.  This will conflict with a point I have later on about the game consistently having characters cheat death for easy drama points but with Pigma, I would’ve kept him fully alive... but maybe with some physical damage from the aparoids.  I understand he’s semi-alive in Command and tbh I don’t know where I stand on that.  Why keep Pigma alive, you might ask?  I feel like his character has a lot more potential than being “just the greedy guy”.  Like he’s got good potential future villain material for future games and... if I’m honest?  I just don’t see Nintendo wanting to keep Pigma dead so why even bother killing him off?  They couldn’t even commit to him being dead in Command anyways so it seems very moot.

- Bring Bill and Katt back.  Assault is acts a bit like a big reunion of all of our SF64 favorites but our two favorite side characters are suspiciously missing.  Wouldn’t Bill be out on the front lines fighting against Andrew in the beginning?  Or maybe back in Katina?  And wouldn’t Katt inevitably show up in the midst of the invasion, maybe to pointedly check in on Falco?

- Bring Andrew back for the final fight. I think Andrew being defeated early into the game is fine overall but I think bringing him back in for a reunion final fight against the aparoids would serve to really solidify that it’s really everyone vs the invading aparoid force.  It would show that not only is Star Wolf willing to put aside their differences but so is basically everyone in the Lylat System in the name of survival.  Imagine the Venomians and Cornerians working together against an aparoid fleet, giving Star Fox and Star Wolf time to attack the queen?  I just think it’d be neat and it’d open up the potential for some fun banter mid-mission.  I do understand that quite a few people consider Andrew canonically dead after Assault but personally, I feel that his defeat left his fate questionable (I’m a staunch believer that unless there’s a body, they’re probably alive, especially for Nintendo games because, again, they never like to kill people off) so him returning in Command never really bothered me.  

- In general, reconsider some of the character portrayals.  Unfortunately, when a series has a different studio for each game, character portrayals will inevitably have inconsistencies.  While I give Namco a lot of credit for putting in oodles and oodles of detail into the game (particularly the levels), I think they failed in their portrayal of Fox, at the least, and Wolf is a considerable offender as well.  While it’s obvious that Fox in Adventures was effectively modeled off of Sabre even in terms of personality, Rareware was at least able to justify Fox’s newfound jaded attitude with the passing of many years and a distinct lack of steady income, resulting in the team being in disarray.  Assault’s Fox is a stark contrast to his cynical interpretation with seemingly no explanation other than maybe “Oh, I have more money and a gf, maybe I should behave myself”.  As if the sudden change in personality wasn’t random, Fox also just seems very blah, like a blank slate stereotypical shooter game protagonist dude with little to no emotion.  Wolf is less obvious but gets slated into a mentor-like role midway through the game and ends up in a respectful rivalry with Fox... which there’s nothing inherently wrong with that except for it happening abruptly (and, I mean, Peppy is right there).  But I take less issue with this and more of an issue with the fact that there’s an entire level establishing that Wolf now runs a crime den with effectively what seems to be an army and no one bats an eye at this.  He doesn’t even call on them to help with the aparoids.  Did they all die when the aparoids attacked Meteo?  Are they safe somewhere else?  Where do they go?  How was Sargasso able to operate without the CDF being on their doorstep with warrants for arrests?

- Don’t kill all the dinosaurs.  A bit of a dramatic statement but the ending screen that showed all the damage to Sauria really bothered me.  While I understand that the dinosaurs had less of a chance against the aparoids than a more technology-focused society like Corneria, I was a bit disappointed that the decision was made to just state that a lot of tribes had been wiped out.  I know this could easily be retconned in a future game and I feel like it should be.  “But why, Amalia?  Why are you disappointed by that?”  1) It’s a little too grimdark for my tastes.  2) The fact it all happened off-screen felt very hand-wavy.  And 3) It brings into question the entire point of Adventures.  Why did we bother to save this planet if it was going to be reduced to rubble and ash 1 year later?  Where were the Krazoa in all of this?  Why did they not make an appearance at all to try to stop the invasion with their alleged powers?  It just raises too many weird questions and I feel like Namco didn’t think it through too much.  Which I mean, sure.  Family, kiddo game.  I’m not asking for bigbrain plot and lore but I’m squinting at this bit because it does feel very contrary to the lore from the previous game.

- Make the aparoids more relevant.  As nice as it is to have a random bad guy from another galaxy, I feel like there was more that could be done with the aparoids in terms of their origins.  Tiny things, mind you, not huge revelations.  Off the top of my head, they could have been tied into Krystal’s backstory to help alleviate some of the complaints that she was too random to be added to the series’ main cast.  Alternatively, they could have been a product of Andross or even a weapon prototype from Corneria that fled the lab (I actually thought the game was leaning in that direction for a bit then just Nothing Happened).  I get that the vagueness of their origins leaves room for people to speculate and speculation is nice but... when you leave too many things unknown, it starts to feel less like giving fans room to interpret and more like just doing random things for the sake of it.  I think a lore tidbit here or there would work wonders for the aparoids instead of leaving them as just borg/zerg clones.

Level-Based Changes

- Add either Aparoid RedEye or Aparoid General Scales as a boss to Sauria.  Given that this level mysteriously lacks a boss, which is just weird compared to the other levels, I think that they had the opportunity to add something cool to go along with the cinematic feel they were going for with Assault.  Assault’s cutscenes do play in a movie-like fashion and it’s clear they’re trying to make the game as epic as possible.  It’s a shame they had so much fodder for a great boss here but they failed to go through with it.  Alternatively: Add a Krazoa-Aparoid fusion.  Why?  Because Star Fox is about cool epic sci-fi and that would be cool epic sci-fi incarnate.

- Add a boss to the Aparoid Homeworld Level, aka the penultimate level.  Another one I felt was personally weird that there was no “final defense system” to challenge the team.  Would be cool to do an aerial battle over the aparoid planet with some giant flying aparoid.

- Be kinder to Sauria.  The level had some good homages but overall was incredibly small and incredibly short.  It felt like a bone tossed to Adventures fans but was not entirely true to the setting built by Rareware.  I’m... not even sure where the Sauria level is supposed to take place?  I presume it’s Walled City but it doesn’t really have the same color scheme or aesthetic?  Also where is my revised Adventures music?  Why do all the other levels get it but Sauria doesn’t? 

- Put some of those funky items from the multiplayer into the main campaign.  I don’t know why some of these things, items especially, were omitted unless it was purely due to time constraints.  I remember having missile launchers and jetpacks in the multiplayer and was a bit sad that they were not in the main campaign.  Retuning the levels and adding those in would be a nice breath of fresh air for the more tedious on-foot missions.

- More levels.  Self-explanatory.  Still sad we didn’t get the Zoness or Titania levels in the single-player mode.  

I think all of the above changes would improve the game, though I recognize all of this is being said 16 years later after lots of time to contemplate Assault’s weaker points.  I’m not entirely certain how long Star Fox Assault took to develop but given that there’s obviously quite a bit scrapped from the game (an entire arcade mode was scrapped as well), I’m going to assume that the studio felt pressured to shove the game out the door and into the hands of customers.  It’s a shame, really, because I think a little bit longer in the oven would have done a lot of good.  Still, the product we got was good in its own right and a game that many people look back on fondly.  I haven’t gotten to replay it in years but I hope to quite soon.

You might wonder why I bothered typing this all out and I guess my point was this-- Assault was great but it wasn’t perfect, and while a lot of other games fall under a crushing amount of scrutiny, Assault seems to dodge it.  And don’t get me wrong-- I adore Assault.  But given that not many takes exist out there about rewriting it, I decided to give it a shot.  For variety’s sake.  

I do want to a mock up of a revised Assault story, which I think I will get to work on after completing this while all my ideas are still fresh in mind.  So stay tuned for that sometime in the near future.  I will also be doing my Adventures mock up at some point but probably not for a little bit as I do wanna focus some of my free time on actual fic-writing.

Anyways, if you stuck around this long, thank you for reading!  Have any changes you’d like to see to Assault if you could time machine your way back to the early 2000s?  Feel free to post in the comments, I’d love to read your ideas!

[frederickthegreat]

my thoughts on TUA season 2

(spoilers, obviously)

- opened with Klaus and Ben, my kings. Klaus’s hair looks so weird straightened while short 

- AWESOME opening soundtrack 

- seeing all their powers so controlled makes me wonder how they leveled up to that skill in the alternate timeline. like the only time we saw Klaus use the powers of other ghosts in the correct timeline was when two of them caught him falling out of the sky. however Diego did end up controlling bullets and Allison used her voice to technically kill one of the Swedes

- the homeless man screaming Allison’s name alongside Luther... funny shit

- big teddy bear Hazel

- Elliot was fucking awesome i think he was a great addition as a side character. rip tho :(

- honestly i don’t understand why Diego would WANT to save JFK. like it’s not that big of a deal. does he not understand what messing with the timeline can do??

- Lila... impeccable

- Sissy and Vanya... impeccable <3

- yeah and fuck u Carl

- ugh, Klaus’s beard. disgusting <3

- Ben and Klaus definitely act like they should be, given that they’ve been stuck with each other for over a decade. i’ve seen some people calling Klaus an asshole for not telling his siblings about Ben, which is completely understandable (cause he was an asshole), but I’m guessing it was because he was afraid? that sharing Ben with his siblings would mean that he would lose him to them, or his siblings would find him selfish, or they would ask something of him that he couldn’t give. if that makes sense

- that ghost bitch comment was funny tho 

- to the guy who called Klaus pretty boy at the bar: sir you don’t know what you’re getting into

- Raymond!! he’s such a sweetheart, i really liked him in the show. i’m really happy that Allison has found a bit of normalcy (as normal as the 1960s Civil Rights movement could be). it shows how passionate she is about what she believes in: even though she knows the movement is far from over, even back in 2019, she’s not gonna abandon it

- Allison staring at the moon every night: either thinking about Luther or how the moon blows them all up. maybe both

- of course Luther would be working for Jack Ruby

- awesome cinematography during the mental asylum escape 

- yeah it makes sense that the Handler would still be alive. she was a cool villain. although it would’ve been awesome to see how evil a fish could be

- Diego’s plan was pretty stupid. that’s my boy

- honestly they revealed how Klaus started a cult really well by having one of his followers find him at jail. Klaus, ever the musical aficionado, of course writes his scripture based off of pop songs

- Raymond and Klaus meeting!! that was cool to see how their paths connected

- Lila painting Elliot’s toenails green. ugh i love that crazy bitch

- i LOVE how they incorporated the umbrella man!! tbh i’ve always believed he was the one behind the assassination. Lee Harvey Oswald was framed 

- honestly a bit understandable that Luther was planning on killing Vanya? cause he had no idea who she is now, but them reuniting was actually really sweet. he’s grown up so much

- the Swedes and their cats.

- the Umbrella company building with the nuclear family mannequins... creepy, awesome shit

- baby pogo baby pogo baby pogo baby pogo

- shanked diego shanked diego shanked diego shanked diego

- did anyone else get vibes from Klaus’s episode opening that he was an escort to the old woman? like how he was being shown off at her arm or something and getting out of jail from a call from the governor. idk maybe the lady was just very taken with him, as anyone would be

- Elliot, our helpful king

- Allison and Klaus’s reunion was so sweet!! i’m so glad they got to interact so much more in this season 

- Ben getting Raymond out through a haunting... hilarious

- sweet intimate moment between Lila and Diego

- Ray meeting Luther was hilarious, but i do feel for the poor guy. i mean i’m not in love with my adoptive sister but still

- the sit-in was really well done and beautiful while terrible. the ‘riot’ that ensued was very appropriate for today’s setting 

- D-Dave

- honestly i was scared that Klaus was gonna be overly attracted to him or whatever, which would be weird cause he’s years younger than Klaus, but honestly, at the core he just wanted to save Dave’s life. even if it means never meeting him in a different timeline. he truly loved Dave. and that ptsd flashback was done so well

- i knew Lila wasn’t trustworthy but i didn’t REALLY expect that! 

- Vanya and Luther talking with each other, Luther admitting the apocalypse wasn’t all her fault. beautiful

- the Majestic 12 reminds me of the conspiracy theory that only a few families control basically everything in the world. the Majestic 12 may be based off of that, idk

- idk about everyone else but Klaus’s scorpion and the frog story made total sense to me! frogs ARE bitches

- the diner scene.... ugh. it really shows that the two of them did fall in love and they did stupid in love things, like talking about their family, about why Dave wanted to join, favorite colors, favorite foods, etc. however that’s seen later on when Dave visits the compound

- yes it’s very disheartening when Klaus is attacked, but honestly i think it had to happen, just like the riot had to happen. the 60s weren’t a fun time for lgbt people and poc. it was only going to be a matter of time before the show HAD to acknowledge the consequences of Klaus’s ‘flamboyancy’ in 1963 Texas. it doesn’t make it right or easy to see, but it’s realistic. 

- it also makes sense that Klaus fell off the wagon after experiencing something like that. yes we all would’ve liked him to stay sober, but sobriety and recovery aren’t linear. 

- Allison is so happy with Ray can we please drop this pseudo-incest plotline let’s MOVE ON 

- Texas Grace ! who is not actually Grace rip (i think? i was a bit confused lol)

- the scene with Harlan running off was really upsetting but we got to see those weird light particles that we saw in the first season

- Pogo Pogo Pogo Pogo

- Klaus being a dick to Ben again, as brothers do. i do feel bad for Ben though it must be sooo frustrating. that scene with him and Allison was really sweet and funny tho

- i just have to say that Luther and Diego are so fucking funny this season it’s awesome. like there are a LOT of good lines overall by everyone but they’re hilarious. “At least he didn’t shank my ass” “no bro, he shanked your heart”“Dads part of a sinister CABAL that’s plotting on killing the president.” “a caBAL?”“You two still a thing? *leans in* do we need to talk?” “No, she’s married.” “Woah dude... that’s rough.” and countless others

- the sibling reunion!! 

- Klaus really does get left out of everything tbh

- Ben :(

- sisters and Klaus!! that was so awesome to see. and Klaus’s hairpins, Vanya saying she’s gonna tell Sissy she loves her, their dance sequence, Klaus calling Allison out on that incest. beautiful

- the fucking Swedish cover of Hello was PERFECT i mean i was sad for the Swedes but it was hilarious. there were a couple beautiful shots of the boat on fire though

- god it must’ve been so traumatizing for Allison to be thrust into such a hostile place with no voice and no way to contact her family

-  idk about you guys but long live Team Zero

- calling Ben that he was becoming their father was a bit uncalled for 

- the fact that Klaus didn’t help Dave’s chances, and in fact escalated Dave’s own timeline.. his trembling hands... robert sheehan is an amazing actor

- the Black president bit lmaoo loved it

- the way Reginald spoke to Diego.. i’m gonna throw hands with an old man

- Klaus LITERALLY looked like he was having a seizure and they all just... played it off?? 

- poor, poor Carl. nah fuck him lol

- that bloody opening scene was awesome! and thank god Five got to say fuck. the fact that it was about a candy bar makes too much sense

- Robert Sheehan acting as Ben: amazing showstopping spectacular he’s so talented

- the whole multiple Fives and Luther bit was honestly really funny, and i immensely respect smaller Five over bigger Five. 

- yes Klaus, you survived a family of seven. you got this

- not sad about Carl dying one bit!

- Ben... that was such a beautiful scene. not just the content of the scene, but the cinematography. Ben fading away... Vanya hugging him... ugh. the main takeaway i had from that scene is that at the core of it all, Ben and Klaus love each other immensely. they have a weird, dysfunctional, fucked up relationship, where Klaus is an asshole and Ben definitely shouldn’t of possessed him without his consent, but they’re still brothers, and Ben forgives him. 

- oof Ben’s funeral was hard. also was it just me or did Klaus’s kid actor sound weird? like it sounded like Robert was dubbing his lines 

- all the siblings back together again!!!! Klaus going with Vanya to save Harlan!! Vanya telling him Ben forgives him and that it wasn’t Klaus’s fault Ben got stuck with him!! everyone in the car!!! be still my beating heart

- yeah didn’t see Lila having powers coming tbh. i really feel bad for her she’s had such a rough and traumatic life, especially with the Handler as her only parental figure

- the Swede brother and Five putting down their weapons: “enough.” the Swede wanted revenge for his brothers - an eye for an eye, but there was a mutual understanding between the two of them: they would do anything for their family. if the Swede hurts one of the Hargreeves, Five would never stop coming after him. i thought it was very beautiful 

- mmm Reggie’s foreshadowing coming into play. proud of u Five

- the ending was so beautiful. everyone got closure in some type of way. except now Klaus is alone with nothing but his dog tags :(

- EMO BEN HAHAHA WTFFF?? is Lila in the sparrow academy? why was Ben’s portrait over the mantle piece? did Five disappear?? is the sparrow academy just older versions of the siblings who stuck around?? so many questions

FINAL THOUGHTS

- Ellen Page’s acting consistently blows me away. she is amazing 

- beautiful cinematography, funny writing, pretty good acting. i didn’t like the soundtrack as much as i did the first season’s, but some of it wasn’t bad.

- i’m glad ben got peace, but i’m also glad justin min isn’t gone for good. his social media presence is too vital for us

- i swear to god if they keep treating klaus as a joke and don’t let him get any actual development like everyone else had (he barely got closure with Dave, he reconciled with Ben through a second party) next season, i’m gonna riot. PLEASE i want to learn more about his powers now that Ben is gone. what happened to seeing tons of ghosts when he’s sober??

- Luther and Diego were probably my favorite duo of the season, I’m so happy that they’ve reconciled and are bonding more. 

- just seeing Vanya grow and be happy was amazing 

all in all, really wonderful season. i probably liked it better than the first one. now it’s time to consume fanfiction and maybe finish my own (check out “god doesn’t want him and neither does the devil” on ao3!)

[icharchivist]

Perhaps random but I think it would have been neat if the kid survived and Siegfried had to figure out how to be the main parental figure to a newly orphaned child (and the kid having found family with all the Knights and chickadees)

oH i lOVe the idea actually????

ok actually this. this inspired me a lot so, under the cut some thoughts about it.

Like, especially with the guilt... I think the thing with SIEGFRIED event is that since everyone was dead, he couldn't let the guilt weight on him and he had to move on yaknow? but seeing that Gunther was alive brought all the guilt back.

so i feel like if Licht had survived, Siegfried probably would have to wrestle even more with his guilt. There's also the fact that it means that right after his parents got brutally murdered, Siegfried would have taken Licht on the battlefield to finish it up, protecting the kid... could even see perhaps putting him in Vane's care (since he was the one who didn't have a responsibility to fight and Siegfried already trusted him at that point) for the end of the battle.

Meaning, that the Knights would have probably set themselves as close to Licht as early as that point. Lancelot and Percival would ask questions to Siegfried, which would be painful to answer about, but all of them would probably immediately have involved themselves with Licht to lighten up the burden on their captain's shoulders.

And Siegfried would have done as much as possible for that kid. Making sure he grew up well. With also the constant crisis of "i don't know how to raise a CHILD i grew up in the WILDs", and at this point he wasn't close enough from the Knights to really just, turn to them.

But i could see especially the vice captains notice his turmoil even if Siegfried isn't ready to tell them he doesn't know what he's doing, and both would start to involve themselves, pick up the little details Siegfried let through showing he's in distress and would work with it.

i'm not making a tangente i refuse but the idea of Percival knowing that this kid basically had his mother bleed out next to him because of a rebel civil war he was next to?? great now he worked his way from triggered to dotting uncle thank you very much for your time

to make it fair with the other two: Lancelot would also try to help out as much as possible and honestly i feel like Vane would have been around much more because Lancelot would talk about Licht to him in their downtime and i can see Vane force his way in in the captain's office because he made cookies and he thinks the kid needs it. (and well honestly with the fact Vane's parents ALSO died in front of him, he'd probably also be extremely dotting on top of his usual "good with kids" attitude)

Lancelot is the only one i don't have a clear idea of what he'd do as a babysitter type tbh (he’d give the kid a blade and probably propose to train him i think, to let out his feelings, which... works but probably would have to happen slowly, like. in a few months.) but i think out of the 3 he'd probably be the one especially seeking to know Siegfried's feelings and how he's holding up.

And i think Siegfried would probably open up earlier to them, and learn from them as he can, while also seeking guidance with King Josef and reading up a lot of books about it.

I also think there will be a conversation with Josef about how Siegfried mentioned that he expected he'd die any day so he didn't use to build a future, right? I think this is the sort of things that it's something Siegfried would reflect on again with Josef having Licht around, because now it is becoming clear to Siegfried that his life isn't just his own to live and die for now, but that he can't afford to die and let this kid alone again.

There's also the fact that i think Siegfried lives in the castle? as Josef's bodyguard, it's more handy, it's not like he has a house from his before-knights time and i don't really see him getting a special house when he can carry his duty in the castle. So it would be also a question of adjusting for a life for Licht in the castle as well, one that i can see Josef accept. Otherwise, Siegfried could wonder if it wouldn't be better for the kid to grow up in an actual house and probably plan moving out (which could set up a lot of guilt for later when Josef died)

But also there's the question of leaving Licht alone. because in the trauma of watching his parents die in front of him, i think Licht would also have a period of coping that would be difficult to adjust for. Even with Siegfried's best attempt to learn how to raise a child, nothing is really preparing him as how to raise a child with trauma. And i think that would be more complicated while Siegfried would also grow extremely dotting and probably hyperalert to the kid's reactions.

And Mainly i feel like in the first few months it would be difficult to leave Licht completely alone, so Siegfried would delegate as many missions he can to the vice captain in the first few months in order to stay with Licht. Eventually when Licht would have got used to the knights Siegfried would trust, there will be a rotation of taking care of him.

But i also wonder if keeping the child in the barracks is a good idea, i think the child should avoid places where fighting happens a lot in the first few months at least, lest it triggers him again.

So there would be a delicate situation to deal with in that specific period.

Overall though while it would be clumsy, Siegfried would learn how to help as much as possible. I don't think Licht would especially think that Sieg could have done anything to stop the drama from happening, but also we don't know Licht's personality at all so it's free game. Licht could initially had held a grudge against Sieg that Sieg would have to work with as well while he's helping Licht heal... so i feel like the kid would be really non verbal and sometimes a bit rebellious against Sieg early on, as a coping mechanism, until the two of them manage to communicate more. On the long run, Licht would no longer have any grudge and come to accept Sieg as a father figure.

I think eventually i could see Licht grow to want to be a knight as well, like his father and his new father were. Perhaps also in the hopes to not have the sort of things that happened to his family happen again.

NOW the other problem however lies in the fact that there's the whole "Siegfried being framed for the murder of King Josef" incident where Siegfried had to disappear on the run.

imo it's implied Sieg didn't have the time to adjust around that, since he was found on top of the corpse and had to run away immediately.

and it raises the question of what would have happened with Licht in that meantime.

So also for starter i think it would have added guilt on Sieg's conscious to think that maybe, if he didn't have to focus as much on Licht, he could have been there for the King... I mean WE know that wouldn't have changed anything, but Sieg doesn't.

Then, there's the fact Sieg really would have difficulties coming back for Licht. I'm sure people would already have told the kid of his crime, or would watch the kid closely in the hope to catch Sieg. As a result, Siegfried probably could not approach Licht at all.

if he could have, would have he taken Licht along with him on his exile...? Mhmm. I think if Licht came to find him on his own, perhaps, with a lot of protest from Sieg about making the kid a criminal with him, if Licht manages to follow his tracks.

Else if not... I could see Licht staying in the castle for a while. Percival would be gone but Vane and Lancelot would still both visit the kid i think. Both would still be aching from Sieg's betrayal but they are both mature enough to not project it on the kid after all. But both also do believe in Sieg's guilt so i feel like it would be tricky.

Like i think Licht may hold on to thinking Sieg was framed, but it would be difficult to make it through Lancelot and Vane. Lancelot was extremely stubborn on this topic and i feel like Lancelot would avoid the topic at all cost and perhaps even leave the room when it's brought up. He wouldn't want to be rude to the kid, maybe he'd lie with a smile that perhaps so, but i feel like this is the one topic he would have been able to budge from, even with Licht insisting.

So Vane would be the one trying to ease the situation with Licht, listening to him, saying that he wants to believe Sieg didn't do that either... everything is against Sieg though and he can't ignore that. But he wants to believe he's wrong.

And i think Vane's position especially, as he's not sure, would be really helpful for Licht because else everyone else would probably try to drive in his mind that Sieg is the worst and all.

I could especially see Isabella usually ignoring the kid as something that's none of her concerns, until she starts to realize what a threat he can be by thinking Sieg is innocent and talking about it loudly, or what a tool he could be against Siegfried if she plays her cards right. Thus i could see her try to manipulate Licht, drill in his head that after all, he let his parents to die, why is that surprising that he'd kill the king?

It'd be a lot for the kid to deal with, but i'd like to think that even if he became unsure, he'd stand by Siegfried. If only because, as his Dad:tm: Sieg would have talked to him about how close he was to Josef so this wouldn't add up.

In those years growing, if apart, Licht would focus even more to learn how to fight in order to find Siegfried again and get his answers.

Since Gunther and Siegfried both were knights i'm sure he would be taken into the order without problem, in a pre-Lancelot-allowing-everyone-in era of the Order. As an apprentice of course because he's still young in that timeline, but he'd work it out.

by the time of Defender's Oath, i'd picture Licht, hearing about Sieg having been seen, starting to insist to Lancelot to be let to join the patrols with them. Lancelot would probably refuse... and I think Licht would have learnt very well from Siegfried for the little time they spent together to completely disobey that order and start to tally them. He'd get his answers no matter what.

I can see Defender's Oath happening the same way, without Licht meeting with Siegfried until the end of the story, or him meeting him halfway through and learning the truth from Sieg and being relaxed. He knew it! He always believed in him he knew it!

After those events though mhmmm i don't think Siefried would like to leave the kid alone again but he did have a problem where he felt he didn't belong in the country anymore, which is why he joined the crew. I think he would have a hard time just staying in the country and would probably ask Licht if he wants to come with him. And i think we can have it in a way where Licht wants to continue his training as a knight, but also come to join the crew and visit once in a while to stay with Siegfried.

When the chickadee's crew get formed, i think Licht would be about their age wouldn't he? I think he'll probably join this special group, and kind of be the senpai of them all since he has good relationships with the knights.

I could see him not saying outright that he's linked to Siegfried: probably reminders of the time Siegfried was a parriah and Licht would have not disclosed that he was his adoptive son to try to keep a low profile. The moment the kids learn it though? especially Arthur and Mordred? Man the starry eyes are real! they'd be asking about it all the time!

Overall growing up i feel like Licht would stay more with the order than with Siegfried, in the hope to grow up as a good knight, someone who can protect others and all of that, focusing more on himself than on his family

but he'd always be grateful and loving to Siegfried and Siegfried would still be a dotting father. I can see Sieg bringing back so many things to Licht from his travels, like he does to MC in his birthday lines, especially good luck charms. They'd be really right.

And if Gunther reappears like in the event, it would be under the assumption he believes Licht died that day. Licht probably wouldn't get involved with the story of that event until the moment Siegfried goes missing, in which he starts to insist with the knights that he wants to join the mission. But hearing his own father is alive and is responsible for all of this? Would make it so conflucting for the kid to deal with.

I could see Licht staying restless but going with the Chickadee on their missions to find the alma, and come back in time to see Gunther basically torture and mind control Siegfried into a beast. I think it would cement him on Siegfried's side no matter what Gunther would say, and when he appears on the battlefield, would probably confront Gunther himself.

and there i feel like the events would be a little different as Gunther have to face the fact not only his kid is alive, but he disapproves of his actions, and refuse to believe in the guilt Gunther puts on Siegfried.

but ultimately i think Gunther would still be stubborn on his end... Unless?

that's about where i'm running out of imagination here ahah but hooooly shit 2k words on all of this.

I think it'd be interesting to see Siegfried grow to be a dad and see how Licht would grow as well. I think there's a lot of room for it to happen smoothly.

that was fun to think about at least! thanks for the ask nonny :3c

[fangirlandiknowit101]

30 BTS writer asks: 1, 12 + 18? ❤️🌻

Almost forgot to add - thanks for asking<33333

1. What was the first fandom and/or pairing that you wrote fic for?

Unsurprisingly, it was for Naruto and Sasuke/Naruto. You can still read it in all its glory, even on ao3 lmao. Might be hard to believe but that fic (Unsuspicious title, don't ask why it's called that I have no explanations) is really the absolute first thing I wrote that counts as a fanfic. I didn't write about other people's fictional characters before that. I didn't really write much outside of school at all, not sure how I lived my life tbh...

12. Is there a trope you haven’t written yet but really want to?

I answered earlier that I want to write a horse rider au at some point, but what I'd also like is to write a real enemies to lovers fic. Like, actual enemies. But it might be too angsty, so who knows if I'll ever make it lol.

18. What is a line/scene you’re really proud of? Give us the DVD commentary for that scene.

Aah you guys really want that commentary don't you... maybe one day I'll release a version of tswm with director's commentary for the whole thing hahahahaha (jk I'd never have time to do that)

But alright, I'm gonna take the opportunity to comment on another scene in tswm that I definitely this deserves it, it's the reunion scene between Naruto and Sasuke in chapter 49! I hesitated to pick this one bc it's so long and emotional, and also I don't want to add any accidental spoilers... but oh well. Here we go!

[My comments will be in bold text, this starts almost at the beginning of the chapter, right when Sasuke meets Naruto in Kaguya's place.]

He reached out with a hand, the bright light reflecting in the half-moon in his palm. It glowed, and just like that, his hand wrapped around another’s.

Naruto.

He sucked in a breath, lungs desperate for air. Naruto stood before him, chest heaving, hand clutching Sasuke’s so hard he feared it might break.

Their shared beat rang loud in his ears, eyes wide as they drank each other in. The darkness had given way to white, fuzzy light, their bodies floating, suspended in air.

“Sasuke,” Naruto whispered, as if afraid to drown out the sound of their connection.

Honestly, I tried my best to make it as painful as possible. That's all I wanted lol. At first I had no idea how to write this scene, but then I just got a feeling and tried to write it in words.

There was no hiding in this place. It was similar to that strange place that seemed to exist between them when they fought, blows connecting, hearts open. Between one breath and the next, it would be gone, their shared hearts lingering long after.

Nothing more poetic than that special place Kishimoto created for them when they exchange blows... extremely gay.

Here, there was only the two of them, the heat of their bodies as Naruto reached for his face.

“Am I dreaming?” Naruto wondered, fingers stroking along Sasuke’s cheekbone. “You look so real…”

They sank down, slowly, until their feet touched solid white. He shivered, the tips of Naruto’s fingers touching his chin, his mouth.

“It could be a dream,” Sasuke said quietly, exhaling as Naruto came closer.

“I can feel your heart,” Naruto murmured, his forehead coming to rest against Sasuke’s temple. “I missed you so much.”

Images flashed before Sasuke’s eyes, impressions of the world from Naruto’s perspective. Menma as the kyuubi. Kakashi, entering through a window. Iruka, hand gentle as he reached over the table.

Sakura, pain drawing her face tight. A mountain of paperwork. Snippets of conversation. The overwhelming pain of loneliness, like walls closing in on him.

He puzzled together enough pieces to make sense of the days since they separated.

Must be convenient to just read each other's minds... I should stop making fun of my own writing. But anyway, I felt very clever when I realized I could skip explanations between them and just let them see each other's memories of the past few days. I think it fits that they could see it through the other person's eyes, all the emotions too. Especially how painful it was for Naruto and how much he was trying to keep it together in front of his friends, and still failing. It gives Sasuke a better understanding of what would have happened if he'd decided to leave after one year passed (and I'm still bitter at Kishimoto for doing that in canon.)

“Naruto,” he sighed, lifting a hand to sift through soft strands of hair, closing his eyes as Naruto pressed into him.

Hearts bared, he felt Naruto’s desperate longing as his own. It mirrored his own pain, the aching emptiness filling his chest. Little by little, the cold was pushed away by warmth, Naruto’s mouth touching his cheek, his jaw, his throat. It burned against his skin, each point of contact erupting into tendrils of heat that seeped into his body.

“I didn’t know what to do,” Naruto confessed, lips shaping the words onto Sasuke’s throat. “I couldn’t go back to you, I-“

Sasuke turned his head, capturing his mouth. The words were lost between their lips, swallowed by the sudden surge of need. Naruto’s arm wrapped around his neck, keeping him in place. A fever caught him, leaving him dizzy and faint. He felt emotions between them like a physical caress, like they swirled in and out of their bodies, like a strong wind playing with fallen leaves.

Pain. Longing. Fear.

Happiness. Comfort. Love.

Naruto kissed him like he’d die if they stopped. He might, for all Sasuke knew.

Don't mind me, I was just crying buckets as I wrote this.

Their hands were still clasped tight, their palms pressed together, keeping their marks in contact. Teeth dug into his lower lip, but he could barely feel the pain over the onslaught of emotion. It was overwhelming, to share Naruto’s heart so fully. Was this how Naruto had felt, when Sasuke had touched him by accident? When Sasuke had shared too much of himself, and Naruto had been unable to give him the same in return.

I think it actually wasn't as overwhelming for Naruto when Sasuke accidentally touched him. This place that Kaguya controls just amplifies things a lot.

No such restraints now.

Their souls were on fire, like chakra flames billowing around their bodies. It was too much to make sense of, and yet it felt as if they’d always been this close, always been one and the same. Naruto fit inside him like a key, like Sasuke was now unlocked, his body no longer keeping him prisoner.

“Naruto,” he breathed out, over and over again, every nerve ending alight as they held each other.

I was listening to this song called Heat Up by Giant Rooks as I wrote this (that's where the chapter title comes from and honestly the lyrics are just *chef's kiss*) and I really tried to use as much metaphor as I could, idk if that makes it sound boring haha but for once I was definitely thinking very hard about every single sentence. And I tried to make it as "alive" as I could, so you'd feel it rather than have it described to you.

An eternity later they calmed down, mouths sliding lazily over each other, heartbeats finally finding their shared rhythm. Their foreheads pressed together, Sasuke’s eyes fluttering open to meet deep blue, their usual strength faded into self-doubt.

“What’s wrong?” he asked, running his fingers through Naruto’s hair, thumb tracing the shell of his ear. “Don’t hide from me, not here.”

Aww look at Sasuke, so in tune with his emotions. He really is an all or nothing kind of guy. If they already share everything in this place, there's no point in having secrets. Besides, his worst fear is Naruto losing confidence because of something he said or did.

Naruto let out a sharp breath, lifting their clasped hands between their chests.

“I missed you,” he said again, eyes closing in pain. “I’m so happy you’ve been okay.”

So much pain. Sasuke struggled to make sense of it, so much of it reflected inwards, towards Naruto himself. He could understand the longing, the absence of him like a gaping hole. It mirrored his own pain, pain he’d locked inside his heart within a steel cage. It flowed freely now, wrapping around Naruto’s in recognition.

But the rest… Naruto let out a sob, and yet he was smiling. Sasuke pressed another kiss to his lips, unsure of what to say.

I know Naruto did that whole waterfall thing where he embraced his evil side and totally let go of all his negative energy... But you can't tell me he's 100% okay and only happy and never feels pain. When will Konoha start offering therapy... Jokes aside, at this moment in time Naruto is so conflicted. The whole time he's been worried about Sasuke leaving him, and telling himself that Sasuke would be happier in the other dimension, and that logically he should let Sasuke stay, but he absolutely doesn't want Sasuke to leave him. It's the most selfish thing he's ever felt, I think, this need to have Sasuke by his side. And he's got so much on his shoulders, just piling up, everyone relying on him to somehow magically fix the world. And he's afraid of failing, of acknowledging to himself that there are parts of him that aren't ready to shoulder this burden, that he's still hurting, that there's still a part of him that could have become like Menma. He's supposed to be completely selfless but he isn't, and he thinks of that as a character flaw, a personal failure. And that's kind of where his resolution to not become hokage comes from. Because he doesn't think he can remove this selfish parts of him, and so maybe he should embrace them instead.

“Sasuke, it’s so strange…” Naruto started, his words slow, carefully chosen. “You understand Charasuke so well, but Menma… I can’t accept him. And now I realize, he shows the ugliest parts of me. The parts that I’m afraid of.”

They both leaned back a little, to see each other’s faces. Light played over Naruto’s features, blurring him at the edges. Sasuke cupped his cheek, tilting his chin up so that their eyes met. Now that he knew what to look for, he could feel Naruto’s fear.

“It’s always there,” Naruto confessed, raw honesty in his voice. “The fear of losing you. The fear of not being strong enough. The fear of becoming hokage, and failing.”

Sasuke opened his mouth to say something, to reassure him, but Naruto shook his head quickly.

Sasuke, on the other hand, he never held himself up to be a good person. He's well aware that he has weaknesses, that he's putting up walls so he won't have to deal with emotions and stuff. But he does believe (a bit blindly) in Naruto, I think. Even though he thinks Naruto won't succeed, it's not because of anything that Naruto does or fails to do. He thinks it's because the world won't follow him, that Konoha isn't capable of change. But he never thought that Naruto would actually give up or have these kinds of doubts.

“Let me say this. I didn’t understand it at first. Menma always rubbed me the wrong way. I know you don’t like him either, but for me… It’s like looking at myself and knowing I gave up.”

He drew in a deep breath, his fingers trembling around Sasuke’s.

“And now, here, I can’t avoid that fear. Because all of it… all of it is for you, Sasuke.” He swallowed, and through the fear, Sasuke saw his determination. “You asked me, if there’s any room in my head for anyone but you. And there isn’t.”

Naruto's brain is 99% Sasuke and 1% ramen, that's just fact. That aside, this might be one of my favorite quotes in the fic.

Frowning, Sasuke bit the inside of his cheek to stay silent. Naruto was working up to something, he could tell, and part of him couldn’t help but think it would end the two of them.

“Don’t look at me like that,” Naruto said, drawing the pad of his thumb over Sasuke’s eyebrow, the touch equal parts reassuring and painful. “I can hear your thoughts, you know. Do you really believe that I would choose anything else over you?”

A lie caught on Sasuke’s tongue. He didn’t want to believe it, but what place did he have by Naruto’s side? How could he be all that Naruto wanted him, needed him, to be? How could he be someone that others would accept walking by his side?

Oh, Sasuke. Always so ready for Naruto to cast him aside. He doesn't want to stand in the way of Naruto's dreams *wipes tear*

“I don’t believe that you would want to,” he replied, eventually. “But maybe you should.”

They stood for a long time, looking at each other. Sasuke felt torn in two directions. He wanted to tell Naruto to never leave him. He wanted to say that he’d accept anything. That he’d remove himself from Naruto’s presence to make the choice for him. That he couldn’t, wouldn’t, stand between Naruto and his dreams.

That he’d known, all along, that the other dimension was only a dream. An impossibility. That he accepted this, and wouldn’t resent Naruto for choosing the village over him.

I think the difference between Naruto and Sasuke here, is that even though they both think the other should maybe leave them for better things, Naruto is much less ready to actually give Sasuke up. Sasuke is more of the martyr type lol.

“You deserve me,” Naruto said, voice dark with conviction. “Don’t you dare think otherwise. Don’t you understand? If you saw what I’ve been doing the past days…”

Naruto lifted their joined hands higher, shifted his grip until he held Sasuke’s palm open in front of himself.

“I thought only of you. I cared only about you. What good is the village to me, if you’re not there?”

His heart felt too heavy in his chest. Naruto’s words rang through his ears, the implication behind them ensnaring his heart until Naruto held it in his hand, too.

“I don’t want any of it, if you’re not with me.”

Sasuke lowered his eyes. He couldn’t allow himself to give in. He’d already given so much, and although he knew that Naruto would have this, too, it was too much in this moment.

“Sasuke… When are you going to recognize that you’re a good person? That even if our relationship hadn’t changed like this, I’d still need you beside me?”

I wanted to write this part so badly... To make Naruto tell Sasuke that he's a good person. That Naruto thinks so, at least. It's one of the first things I thought of for this scene. Not that Sasuke agrees haha.

“Me, a good person?” Sasuke raised his eyebrows, meeting Naruto’s gaze again. He recognized the stubborn glint in Naruto’s eyes, and sighed. “Even if that was true, you’re smart enough to know it’s not enough.”

Slowly, Naruto pulled his hand closer, his grip turning gentle. Sasuke caught himself holding his breath, as Naruto’s lips connected with the mark on his palm.

“You still don’t understand,” Naruto murmured, the movement of his lips tickling Sasuke’s skin. “The past few days, what have you been doing? Caring for the children, when I wasn’t there to do it. Putting Charasuke before yourself, comforting him in the ways he needed you to. Holding yourself together. Trusting me to come back.”

This is where we acknowledge exactly how much Sasuke has changed. Naruto spent the days apart thinking only of Sasuke, even to the point where he was neglecting his friends and duties. Sasuke, on the other hand, stepped up to fill the role he thought Naruto left behind, hiding his pain behind helping others. Ultimately trusting Naruto to hold his promise to come back. Also, I just want them to be soft with each other T_T

Staring at him, Sasuke’s breath caught in his chest at the swell of pride Naruto felt for him. Was it true, that he had changed so much? In Naruto’s eyes, he had. It was startling, to realize how Naruto thought of him. But Naruto had changed too, he thought. They had grown closer, in a way he didn’t think they could have in their own Konoha.

“I think Charasuke is a bit like you,” Sasuke said, lips twitching upwards at Naruto’s affronted look. “He needs physical comfort. I don’t mind giving it to you, and I guess I don’t mind giving it to him either. You both tend to do whatever you feel like, anyway.”

“You used to mind.” Naruto looked serious, reaching out to touch Sasuke’s mouth as if to prove his point. “Suddenly, you didn’t.”

The smile slipped from Sasuke’s lips. Naruto was right. A few weeks ago, he did push Charasuke out of the window. To be fair, Charasuke hadn’t liked him much back then, either, and the circumstances had been very different. He did understand him better now. If Menma represented Naruto’s fears, Charasuke represented everything Sasuke wanted in life. But Charasuke didn’t have Naruto, didn’t have Menma with him either, and maybe that was why Sasuke wanted to be there for him. His connection with Naruto was precious to him, had kept him going, had kept him questioning himself even in his worst moments of darkness. Had given him a reason not to give up on a life that wasn’t filled with pain and hatred.

Naruto made it worth it to change. Was he hoping to help Charasuke change, too?

Spoiler alert... yes you were, Sas.

Perhaps Kaguya had something to do with it, but maybe, even without her influence, he would have reached this point anyway if given enough time. Time they didn’t have back home. It surprised him to realize that Naruto had thought of this already. That he felt selfish for wanting Sasuke to go back with him, when he knew it would be painful.

“You minded when I touched you, too,” Naruto added, as a reminder that they were talking about the two of them.

“I didn’t.” It was easy to confess. “I couldn’t allow myself to accept it, but I never minded. And now…”

Even if Naruto could read most of his thoughts in this space, it was difficult to say the words.

“I was afraid to have more of you. I still am.  Because I know they’ll never accept it.”

Sasuke vs homophobia :( Can't really kill that with a sword. Sasuke was definitely in love with him before they went to the RTN dimension, he'd just buried it so deep that he had no idea it was there or what it was. If you separate love from attraction it's not really gay, is it? (It is)

Naruto kissed him again, desperately. There were so many thoughts swirling between them, a mess of images and emotions overshadowed by the overwhelming fear of losing each other.

Naruto’s guilt, for not being able to reach Menma like Sasuke reached Charasuke. Their worry for each other. The frustration of being forced to wait. Sasuke’s slow realization of how much Naruto meant to him. How much his family meant to him, even a different version of them.

“I can’t be without you again,” Naruto said, swallowing thickly. “There’s so much I want to say and I don’t know how.”

“I’m here,” Sasuke promised. “Any way you want me to be.”

Even though it hurt, knowing the struggle that lay ahead of them, how Naruto had struggled only the past few days.

He wasn’t sure when he’d closed his eyes, but Naruto’s hands holding his face between them made him open them again. His expression was serious, almost solemn.

“I think you’d be happier if you stayed there,” Naruto whispered, searching his eyes. “You can’t deny it. I know they’d take care of you, and I can tell that your bond with your family is important to you. In a different way than ours, but still. I’d forgive you, if you chose them.”

Stop sacrificing yourself, Naruto. I don't like it.

“How could you say that?” Sasuke grabbed Naruto’s wrists, glaring at him. “Even after everything you said about how you can’t be without me, how you’d never choose anything over me, and you still think I would leave you? Even when you can feel my heart, you think I won’t choose you no matter what?”

Sasuke calling him out, as he should.

He knocked their foreheads together, tightening his grip.

“You think I’d choose happiness over you?”

How could he be happy, if Naruto wasn’t there with him? It wasn’t even an option. He cared about Charasuke, that was true. And the other version of Itachi, of Shisui, his family… Even the Sakura of that world. But how could they compare? Losing Charasuke would hurt, but it wouldn’t rip his soul apart. Staying with them would be a life, but it wouldn’t be living. How could Naruto think of himself as selfish, and still be so incredibly selfless when it came to Sasuke? What was he supposed to do, to make Naruto trust him once and for all?

“If I deserve you, why wouldn’t you deserve me in turn?”

Naruto didn’t have an answer to that. Sasuke hadn’t expected him to, and he felt him struggle with the concept. Naruto’s hero complex wasn’t doing either of them any good.

Like, I personally don't like the concept of anyone deserving love or not deserving it. Love is something you give, freely, regardless of how society values the other person. The love you give isn't less worth depending on the person receiving it. But I think the both of them are so traumatized that they need to make peace with this concept. They kind of need to be told - yes, you do deserve love, and I will give it to you. Naruto's hero complex is like... we don't have time to unpack all of that.

“You want to do this the hard way?” Sasuke continued, tone sharp. “I’ll do it with you. I don’t think you’ll succeed but I’ll do it.”

He gathered up all his resolve, all his conviction, pushed aside his own reservations.

“Saying you’ll forgive me… that’s a lie. You wouldn’t. You never would. And I wouldn’t want you to, anyway. If you wanted me by your side and I couldn’t do it, you’d be right to hate me.”

“I could never hate you.”

“Then I’d hate myself.”

Bearing each other's burdens and all that...

Naruto made a face, as if to disagree, but Sasuke felt him smile despite the topic of their conversation.

“What kind of role reversal is this,” he muttered, pressing his thumbs into Sasuke’s cheeks childishly. “I don’t even know why I’m arguing about it.”

“Because you love me.”

They stared at each other. Naruto’s eyes widened in shock, but Sasuke held his ground. What was the point in pretending anything else? It all made sense like this, and perhaps deep down Sasuke had always suspected it, even before he returned to Konoha.

“Y-you can’t just say it out loud!” Naruto spluttered, slapping his hands onto his own face instead, hiding behind them with a groan. “Stop being so smug about it!”

Me, while I wrote this: Yeah, you can't just say that out loud! The pain of being perceived. I am suffering with Naruto.

“I won the argument, didn’t I?”

“Ugh, shut up!”

Feeling lighter, Sasuke wrapped his arms around Naruto, leaning his cheek against the top of his head, Naruto burying his nose in his neck. He’d deny it when they were back in reality, but he could feel that Naruto wanted the body contact, and he was unable to resist it. It didn’t take long for Naruto to calm down, releasing a huff into Sasuke’s neck.

“Maybe we can just stay in this place forever,” he said, sneaking his arms around Sasuke’s back.

“You’d miss ramen too much.”

If an emotional scene doesn't end with a joke, what are you even doing with your life. But writing them hug was like, releasing so many endorphins. I'm weak to it.

It was strange, to talk and immediately feel every thought behind the words, every emotion on full display. Naruto’s amusement radiated off him, and it was his turn to feel a little smug as he concentrated on everything that Sasuke felt for him.

When Naruto started imagining long days spent in bed, Sasuke rolled his eyes and decided they’d been emotional enough for the time being.

Sasuke like, I can accept the lovey-dovey stuff, but I draw a thick line in front of the bedroom door. He's got some work left to do lol.

Idk if any of this made any sense but... there you have it!

[coldshrugs]

thank you for this blessed template, @possumsunshine. this was so fun and cute, i couldn't resist after seeing it on my dash 💗

pulled a couple of answers from oc asks i've done recently because oof this got long.

QUICK READ OF YOUR DETECTIVE

Name: alma greene

Pronouns: she/her

Sexuality: bisexual

Love interest: mason

Best friend: felix but also nate

Main skill: science/tech

Secondary skill: people/psychology

Main personality trait: tied for impulsive and sarcastic

Secondary personality trait: stubborn

Why did they join the Wayhaven PD?: she’s not a detective, but science skills

Relationship with Rebecca: very close, even with absences, but waning

Relationship with Bobby: college friend, currently hates him

Verda or Tina?: both

Murphy bite?: wrist

Murphy’s fate?: at large, babyyy

Rescue LI or Rescue Sanja?: sanja

GENERAL

Name: alma eloise greene

Nickname: sweetheart/space girl by mason; sweetie by rebecca

Birthday: june 12th

Age: 29

Pronouns: she/her

Sexuality: bisexual (demiromantic??)

Hair color: dark brown

Eye color: dark brown, nearly black

Height: 5’1”

Piercings: ears, former nostril piercings

Tattoos: a small snail on her right arm, super cartoony spaceship and tractor beam over the words “i want to believe” on the back of her left calf

Clothing Style: “modern” i guess, according to the game. tbh i usually describe it as “too old to be an e-girl but too cute to care.” bleached denim, dark plaid, graphic crop tops, black vans or converse, thigh-high tights, etc etc

Apartment Style: cozy. did she find it on the side of the road or goodwill or an estate sale? if not, it’s probably not in her apartment.

STATS

Personality:

Charming | Intimidating

Impulsive | Cautious

Sarcastic | Genuine

Friendly | Stoic

Easygoing | Stubborn

Traits:

Heart | Mind

Optimist | Pessimist

Team Player | Independent

Skills:

Main Skill: science/tech

Second Skill: people/psychology

By the Book | Bend the Rules

KEY DECISIONS

Reason for joining the Wayhaven PD: alma is wayhaven’s only forensic analyst because i refuse to let my black oc be a cop

¯\_(ツ)_/¯ in-game, she’s 100% there for her scientific prowess.

Murphy bite: Wrist | Neck | None

Murphy’s Fate: Captured | Escaped

Rescued: Love Interest | Sanja

ROMANTIC RELATIONSHIP

Love Interest: mason

Why them?: on a meta level: oh no he’s hot

but alma’s reasoning is that he’s very upfront about what he wants in the beginning and she’s never been pursued in such a way. It’s a bit of a rush and an ego boost for her at first. but mason’s loyalty very quickly becomes the steadiness alma’s been missing for most of her life and she latches on to that. she’s not had someone so dependable around in… well, ever. and her physical attraction becomes emotional VERY quickly.

Bold, shy, or mixed?: shy until they sleep together, then a mix of bold and genuine afterward.

What were their first impressions of each other?:

alma on mason: thought he was super attractive but that was quickly pushed aside by “holy shit, this guy’s an ass.” she thinks he’s an uncooperative jerk that only cares about himself for quite a while, honestly. she asks him along for things she wants to do alone precisely because she thinks he’ll be the most likely to just stay out of her way. she’s surprised by his attitudes and opinions, and her incorrect assumptions about them, during those times.

mason on alma: would never, ever, ever admit that his first thought upon meeting Alma was simply “cute.” he quickly found parts of her to assess individually. those first few days were mostly spent appraising her physical attributes and watching her back when she needed it. mason did find her funny right away, but he wasn’t willing to trust someone new, regardless of that person being their handler’s daughter or not.

What do they find attractive about each other, mentally or physically?:

alma on mason: his eyes, freckles, and every single version of his smile. his decisiveness, differentially, and willingness to stab as a warning.

mason on alma: her hair tbh, there’s just… a lot of it. her hips, her eyelashes. He also likes her adaptability, sense of humor, and the warmth she gives with no expectation of reciprocation.

What do they do to spend time together?: lots of stargazing, lots of watching tv very quietly and making fun of the storylines they don’t understand until they get bored and make out instead, walking around the quieter parts of wayhaven or taking late-night drives.

What is their favorite memory together?: i like to think mason finds the carnival photo of them after the place has been sacked and gives it to alma sometime later. both the taking of the photo and the giving of it are very fond memories for both of them.

What are their love languages?: touch, quality time.

How do they handle being apart from one another?: badly. mason absolutely hates it after a time. if alma’s out of town, he’s in her apartment with the excuse of feeding her cat, but it’s 100% just to sleep in her bed and be around all the things that make her, her. alma does a little better. she’s used to having folks sort of come and go and come again, but she gets almost hyper-insecure?? it’s nothing she’d admit openly, but she’s second-guessing herself in totally unrelated aspects of her life until they’re reunited.

Do they argue? How do they handle arguments and disagreements? How do they make up?: they don’t necessarily argue, but they disagree with the intent to problem solve. alma is pretty flexible and as long as she can understand why someone might feel the way they feel, she’s willing to hear them out or go along with their plan. if an argument does get out of hand, they need space from it for a while. they each have places to retreat for those times, and they wait for the “hey” text to come through to know it’s time to talk about it.

What does their future look like?: alma becomes a vampire two years into their relationship. they move into a quiet, old house on the edge of town until the whole team moves elsewhere. mason has to get used to having a cat because october has several years left in him. they don’t get married, but they’re inseparable.

Anything else you’d like to share: in the time before alma turns, mason learns to perfect making grilled cheese because it’s what alma craves when she’s not feeling well. He makes the grilled cheese then he immediately showers to get the smell off him but he makes it regardless.

BEST FRIEND RELATIONSHIP

Best friend: depending on the playthrough it swaps between felix and nate, but felix feels more in character

Why them?: alma loves felix’s sense of adventure and nosiness. Most of all she loves that he won’t judge her for pulling the same shit every now and then.

What were their first impressions of each other?: alma was super thrown off by that hand kiss. “who the fuck is this mischief-maker?” while nate was very kind and warm, felix (surprisingly) was the UB teammate that really humanized the rest of the team for alma. he’s fun and genuine and wants everyone else to be happy together. felix was incredibly interested to learn more about alma, as a human, as his boss’s daughter, and then as a friend when she readily accepted the supernatural and, by extension, him as a vampire. The fact that she’s easily flustered or surprised really works in his favor because he lives for being the most shocking person in the room.

What do they do to spend time together?: they share music, they dance, and they text A LOT. lots of memes, lots of “what does [x] mean?” “oh nice” “[proceeds to use the thing they just learned incorrectly]”. they also compare and share hair products.

Anything else you’d like to share: they each have a tamagotchi named after the other (baby felix and baby alma) and they compete to see who can keep theirs alive the longest. everyone loses.

OTHER RELATIONSHIPS (Feel free to go in-depth!)

Relationship with Rebecca: oof okay. alma seeks rebecca’s approval and depends on her for a sense of safety and “stability.” in some ways, she wants to be exactly like her mom: strong, independent, unbothered, worldly. but a lot of that shatters the longer alma works professionally with rebecca and with the revelations surrounding rook. alma sees how much rebecca uses her as a crutch, projects her perceived failures onto alma’s life, and over-shelters her.

Relationship with Rook: alma doesn’t remember him and tries not to think of him often or fondly or at all BUT she has so many of his things. his flannels, his detective badge, his ancient comic book collection (which is the only reason she has her own). she has his eyes and his impulsive streak, his care for people of all varieties. she IS rook’s daughter and she ignores that fact so it doesn’t hurt her.

Relationship with Bobby: they used to be very close, slightly flirty friends but there’s no way in hell alma can trust him now. (i originally had bobby as alma’s ex but it was all getting a little too Bella Swan for me. like bobby, douglas, the werewolves, falk, and mason like????? it was a bit much so bobby’s just an old ex-friend)

Relationship with Verda: alma fucking loves verda. that’s her mentor, that’s her dad friend. she feels a sense of Pride and Accomplishment when she can make verda laugh or impress him in the lab, or both. alma’s fond of spending evenings over his place with eric and the kids, making dinner, or just hanging out.

Relationship with Tina: tina was alma’s first friend as a kid. they lost touch in high school because tina was bubbly and cute and popular, while alma was… not. but the summer before they left for college they ran into each other at a house party and since that reconnection, they’ve been thick as thieves. it was like nothing had changed. tina is a light in alma’s life, and alma lets tina lean into the stranger parts of herself without judgment.

Relationship with the Mayor: thinks he’s a creep and a bad parent.

Relationship with Capt. Sung: appreciates how he prioritizes the town and its people, but thinks he could loosen up a bit.

Relationship with Haley: haley is a couple of years older than alma but they’ve known each other forever. alma admires haley’s work ethic and cheery attitude.

Relationship with Elidor: oh man, alma is absolutely stunned by elidor. he’s beautiful, kind, and knowledgeable. in those early days, elidor is responsible for quite a bit of her supernatural education. alma grills him while he nurses her back to health. her curiosity is refreshing to him.

Relationship with Tapeesa/Vieno: alma thinks vieno is cute and funny, says hi when she sees them around, but they’re not best friends or anything. she can’t shake the thought that they’re basically a fae version of danny devito.

Relationship with Unit Alpha: absolutely smitten with lesedi. she’s never seen a more beautiful woman. tamiko ends up being a pretty good friend. the twins are on her social periphery but alma’s not close with them.

Relationship with the Maa-alused: alma sincerely wants to help them adjust to life in this world and takes that goal very seriously. at the same time she really really wishes falk hadn’t developed this weird attachment to her.

Do they have any other important relationships, past or present? (Relatives, friends, etc.?): YES. i’ve thrown another oc in wayhaven for the express purpose of being The Detective. His name is javi. alma met him in college and they were fast friends. alma convinced him to try out wayhaven after graduation. They lived together for a while and now they, along with tina, can often be seen in the corner booth of chen’s pub.

she was also very close with her maternal grandmother before she died. she was raised by her while rebecca was absent, but i need to develop this more.

her cat, october, whom she’s had for five years. he’s a sweet, mostly black tortie that can hardly meow. alma adopted him as an adult when she got her own place.

PERSONAL BIO

Describe their personality: alma is so open and ready to accept new possibilities. she’s the sort of person that embraces what scares her, finds beauty in it, and loves it intensely. she’s sharp and resourceful. i wouldn’t exactly describe her as hard-working, but she’s knowledgeable about her field and tries to be helpful when she has a goal in mind.

she’s quite tactile. touchy with other people. likes to use her hands for work or hobbies. she doesn’t really mind being alone for long stretches of time but would prefer not to be. she wants others to want to be around her.

she’s also terrible at being honest about her trauma. everything is fine, she’s fine, she doesn’t need to talk about this :) :) :) she will handle the breakdown when it happens and not one second before. also, with quick wit comes uncontrollable sarcasm and it does not always hit well.

Strengths: the only person in unit bravo that knows how to use google

Weaknesses: squishy

Where in the world is their Wayhaven?: super torn here because wayhaven feels inland to me, but i think i’ve finally settled on the north carolina coast but not like the outer banks area. If not there, then maybe virginia, closer to the chesapeake bay.

What is their personal history?: alma is born to rook and rebecca in wayhaven. spends her childhood being raised mostly by her grandmother, idolizes rebecca. academic success comes easily for her; a heavy interest in science leads to a scholarship at a university just far away enough to feel like she’s Leaving The Nest. alma dates a bit in college but she’s the type to end up becoming friends with everyone she sleeps with and romance is difficult for her to cultivate. when she does date, the relationships are short-lived. she returns to wayhaven after school and puts her degree to work in wayhaven’s police department. she wishes she’d applied for a position in the city but craves the comfort (and tbh, the low stakes) of home.

If they weren’t a detective, what would their dream job be?: she’s a forensic analyst and honestly?? it’s a pretty dreamy job for her. she loves being a scientist, loves helping people, and isn’t easily grossed out.

Anything else you’d like to share: has tried to stay overnight in an ikea. did not succeed.

RANDOM FACTS

Zodiac sign: gemini

Hobbies: reading peer-reviewed journals, watching terrible sci-fi, collecting comic books and mugs, thrift shopping

Likes: good hair days, denim jackets, vanilla candles, halloween, unflavored lipbalm, driving at night, that warm “surrounded by love” feeling, snails, fuzzy socks

Dislikes: the lights while driving at night, winter, dry skin, minimalist decor, smudged glasses, being overwhelmed with choices

Drink of choice: white wine usually, white russians if she’s out at chen’s, or shots of jaeger if she’s feeling trashy

Starbucks order: grande flat white with 3 pumps of toffee nut syrup and a sprinkle of cinnamon

Favorite food: a simple, fresh spaghetti pomodoro OR lemon meringue pie

Favorite color: golden mustard yellow

Favorite music: she loves just about everything and it’s heavily dependant on her mood. (this is actually really difficult to think about without feeling like i'm giving her my exact taste in music but here's a little playlist that fits her vibe)

Favorite genre (and favorite movie/book/etc): science fiction or psychological thrillers, but her favorite movie is oliver and company.

Favorite season: fall

Anything else you’d like to share: has a stupid amount of blankets stashed around her apartment. she really does not like being cold.

[phoebehalliwell]

ok, but let's talk about this au: phoebe's pregnant in season 3. from cole. so her child is not a source, but a 50% witch, 25% human and 25% demon, which means there's a big possibility of some lousy pregnancy tricks. i can honestly see phoebe finding out about her pregnancy somewhere after 3x08, more likely in 3x10? what do you think about prue's reaction in that case? and all the other stuff?

i think it’d be like. like ten times funnier if it’s like phoebe’s like oh no i’m pregnant with cole’s baby what will this mean for our relationship! and there’s some demon named belathzor attacking us an unrelated yet equally stressful event! and prue and piper are both like big agree we will support you through this cole baby thing but let’s also like. not get murdered! and phoebe’s like oh blah blah blah do i tell cole i’ve gotta tell cole i feel like he’s been pulling away from me something something something there’s like a scene where phoebe’s got like five pregnancy tests on the sink and they’re all positive and her prue and piper are all staring at them like huh. well that’s gonna be a thing when suddenly belthazor attacks! prue starts telekinetically throwing things at him including a lamp the shower caddy and the pregnancy test belthazor sees the positive pregnancy tests and is like. oh. on a completely unrelated note i’m gonna leave now. and prue piper and phoebe are all like okay that was weird?? meanwhile cole’s back at his apartment trying to like bring this up with phoebe bc he can’t be like Hi So I Was At Your House Trying To Murder You Today Couldn’t Help But Notice Your Sister Threw a Bunch Of Positive Pregnancy Tests At Me — Yep Uh-huh That Would Be Me The Mighty Demon Belthazor Can We Circle Back To The Pregnancy Tests Tho? bc um. that would be a bad idea. so he’s gonna have to wait for phoebe to tell him and he’s going to have to pretend like he doesn’t know anything. and now he definitely can’t kill her. or maybe he definitely should kill her. tbh he’s never gotten a hit knocked up before so this is all very new territory. he could just like. kill prue or piper which gets rid of the power of three but keep phoebe alive. hmm but then phoebe would probably hate him. i mean scratch probably like definitely. so murder’s off the table. or he murders phoebe changes his name and moves to morocco and pretends like this whole thing never happened. those are the two options. equally weighted. so like blah blah blah i feel like we’re changing the storyline a bit but like cole commits to the bit of like. he’s gonna be a Dad™ so he’s no longer trying to murder the charmed ones but at the same time he still hasn’t mentioned the fact he’s belthazor he’s just now like. fighting on their side. and the charmed ones are fighting some demon of the week and belthazor comes in for the kill and they’re all like okay?? what was that?? and prue’s like okay maybe it’s like some sorta prize thing like he wants to be the only one to kill us but then it happens like two three more times and piper’s like okay am i going totally crazy or is belthazor now trying to help us and prue’s like okay here’s what’s up and they like lure belthazor or they summon him and trap him in a crystal cage and prue’s like okay what’s your deal and belthazor’s like 😬 and prue’s like oh motherfucker you’re in the thunderdome now what’s ur fuckin deal and like electrocutes him and belthazor’s like no no look like i’m trying to help and prue like electrocutes him and piper’s like what if he’s actually telling the truth and prue’s like how are we supposed to believe a demon and there’s like a beat and they’re all like truth spell? so they cast a truth spell and they’re like okay bitch what’s your endgame and he’s like i’m just trying to keep you safe and prue’s like why? and belthazor’s like bc i’m in love with phoebe and all heads turn to phoebe and phoebe’s like woah hey no i do not know this guy no i am not like in a relationship with i don’t even know what that is going on? and then belthazor just shifts back into cole and everyone’s like ........ and the sisters are like okay break time cole you’re staying in that crystal cage what the fuck and they’re all having a little chat in the corner of the room and cole’s just like standing there in the crystal cage with a truth spell on him like record scratch freeze frame 🧍‍♂️ yep that’s me. you’re probably wondering how i ended up here. meaning prue’s like did you know???? and phoebe’s like what that my boyfriend was the demon trying to kill us no!! and piper’s like scratch that does he know you’re pregnant and the baby’s his? and phoebe’s like no i haven’t told him yet! and cole’s like uh actually no i do know and they all glare at him and he’s like u guys whisper pretty loud and prue’s ready to electrocute him again and phoebe’s like no!! and prue’s like he’s a demon phoebe! and phoebe’s like yeah and my boyfriend! and piper’s like yeah and the baby daddy. and they’re like not the time pipes! and phoebe’s like look we have him under the truth spell and he said he’s not trying to hurt us and cole’s like that’s true and prue’s like oh so what were all those times before and cole’s like well i was trying to kill you and prue’s like 😤 and cole’s like but i’m not anymore and phoebe’s like 😤 and piper’s like what changed your mind? and cole’s like. 🤐🤐🤐🤐🤐 bc he really doesn’t want to say bc it’s hella embarrassing but he is under a truth spell and he has like already kinda said it so like. i’m in love with phoebe and i wasn’t supposed to be and i wish i wasn’t but i am i didn’t know it was even possible to feel the way i feel and i know it’s impossible to want the things i want but being with phoebe makes me want to be a better man and now all i can dream about it some day settling down and raising kids together and living a full life together which is impossible i know it and if there were any way i could change the way i feel i would take it i would love to go back to the simplicity of being a demon the cold cruelty but i can’t i wish i could kill you but i can’t because i love you i love you and there’s nothing i can do about and all the girls are like okay! well that’s a lot. 

[atopearth]

Ikemen Vampire Part 8 - Jean d’Arc Route

Anyway, Jean is hot but dang do these guys really have to bite the heroine to show her that vampires are real and to learn to better protect herself? Definitely instant turn off for me tbh, but I can sortaaa understand his sentiments, especially since Jean is kind and tries to think in her best interests. Ooh I completely forgot that Jean is the one who actually didn't want to come back to life? I guess that will be interesting. It's nice how optimistic the heroine is, but I guess that's also because everyone is finally being honest with her about the vampire thing, and if there's one good thing about Jean biting her, it's that there's no side effects and hurts a little bit but isn't as terrifying as she imagined it to be. It's cute how Mozart and Jean are friends because they both hate interacting with other people lmao. I'm surprised Jean lost to the heroine in their bet but I guess she's quite stubborn lol. Honestly, I'm glad Napoleon guided the heroine into understanding Jean better by showing her that Jean tries to learn to read and write at night in the library, because her incessant hassling into trying to get him to go to every social gathering he has avoided all this time was annoying since it didn't think about his feelings at all.

I really liked how Jean took her to a lily field, it was so beautiful and the best thing was he thought about what she would like and decided to take her there. He even bought her a hairclip that had lilies on it! That's so sweet! I think it's amazing how Jean is already using what he's learnt at his weapon shop job, like dang, he can write! I should brush up on my own Japanese and be like him🤣 Anyway, I felt sorry for that Saar kid, and it sucks how he's going to have to labour away at the mines just like his dad did (and ended up dying) to earn some sort of living until he can decide what kind of life he wants to lead. Like yeah, it's definitely better than if he started stealing because he'd just lose his way even more, but it's just so sad that a kid has to think about all this. Jean's story is pretty saddening, I can't imagine being burned at a stake...and to even be betrayed by the king he helped and believed in.. Omg, I feel so sorry for Saar, first it was his father and now his mother got run over by a carriage?? That's absolutely terrible. No wonder why Jean thinks he's ugly, since he has a scar that he covers with his eyepatch, but the heroine is right, Jean is so much more beautiful than his appearance and no one can take that away from him. I love how Jean told the heroine how he thought she was beautiful with how radiant and kind she was to face everything straight on without letting her fears overcome her. I really liked how they hugged each other for the night showing how much they trust the other and how much they find comfort in the other.

Loll, I thought the heroine was going to choose something simple to make with Jean, but of all things, she chooses macarons?! It was so cute how he asked her to teach him that so she would smile again though (since she was feeling down over Saar), that's honestly so sweet. Lmao when Jean called them marorons and then ate them all and declared it as his new favourite food😂😂 Why is this guy so adorable?!🥲 I'm so proud of Saar, I really love how he's decided that he wants to one day be one of the leaders at the coal mines so he can give better treatment and working conditions for people in the future. Honestly, who knows if it'll work out, but I'm happy that he's found something he wants to do after experiencing so much pain in his life. I really love how Jean encouraged him in his own way without giving him empty positivity, I always love how honest and sincere he is with everything he does and says. It makes me think, yeah I can understand why the heroine wants to stay here with him hahaha. It would be nice if Shakespeare didn't appear to ruin things for once in his life lol. Anyway, I didn't think about the idea that Jean would want to return to his time, I wonder why exactly though. I think it's pretty heartbreaking to hear that Jean wants to go back to his time because he feels like he should "die properly" for his sins of killing so many people, and that he deserves everything that happened because of all the lives he took. And I guess considering that mindset, he must feel pretty disgusted with himself that in his dying moments, there was a part of him that wanted to live, and le Comte granted that when Jean feels like that's not what he "truly desired". Honestly, I understand where he's coming from, and maybe he does deserve death for killing so many people especially since he was in an enemy country so obviously everyone hated him, but what's the point? For all these people, he's already considered dead, and the only reason he wants to go back is really to satiate what he believes to be what he deserves, in a sense, you can say it's selfish because the only one who knows and would feel better if he does what he does is himself. Not saying it's any more tormenting and stuff, but the Jean now and the Jean back in the day are already practically separate entities and shouldn't be judged so harshly anymore imo.

Okay, Jean's diary was the cutest thing ever. It was only a few sentences each entry, but you could really see how much thought and effort he put into writing down his feelings towards the heroine and how much he appreciated her ever since she appeared in his life. Anyway, I find Gilles reasons for coming back to life and his regrets very...I dunno, forced? Lol. Or just his reason that he needs to kidnap/kill the heroine so he can fulfill Jean's desire to die properly lol, like what? It's just really silly for me because there were so many other ways for him to approach Jean, and honestly, if he somehow knew this was Jean's desire, why did he need to resort to kidnapping to get Jean to come out and go with him??? Why didn't he appear ages ago when Jean was actually set on the idea?? Yeah anyway, whatever. I guess it's interesting that they made Gilles' reason for killing people be because he was always looking for people like Jean, but when he realised they weren't him, he killed them. Tbh, I never knew about Gilles until I googled him and it's kinda disappointing that someone who was known for being alongside Joan of arc became more known for being a serial killer of children. Anyway, with how things ended with Gilles, he felt kinda like the one who was able to move Jean the most even though it all ended in tragedy when he was alive. Honestly, I found the Gilles part pretty boring but if it makes Jean want to live then I guess I'm okay with it lol.

Overall, I loved everything up until Gilles appeared. Honestly, if they just cut Gilles part out, it would have been perfect for me, because I feel like when the heroine read Jean's diary and realised his feelings for her, and that fuelled her to try again with Jean, it felt really sweet and I cheered her on. But by the time the whole thing with Gilles and his kidnappings ended, I was just like whatever tbh lol. Like, I personally enjoyed how they handled Jean warming up to the heroine, but still be tied to his past, and the heroine feeling like she couldn't heal that, but then realised that there was a part of him that really appreciated her existence, and I think those parts were what made me really enjoy this route. So yeah, honestly, after Gilles, I didn't care about the happy ending and I pretty much forgot my feelings for Jean so it was disappointing, but I guess I still enjoyed it for the most part nevertheless.

[ocegion]

For the character meme, obviously: Nicky & Joe 😘

aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhh!! thanks so much for the ask I immensely appreciate it!!!! <3<3<3<3<3<3

(also I went FAR OVERBOARD with this, I speak far too much when given the chance. Sorryyyyyyyyyy)

Joe:

First impression: Well, if it isn’t hot-but-dull Jafar. I know he’s gay in this one so that’s a plus point, but I’m not holding out much hope. He looks extra cute and fuzzy here though, that’s neat. (I want to clarify that I formally apologize to Mr Marwan Kenzari for having ever thought he couldn’t act, shame on me).

Impression now: *sobbing* He’s so GOOD and he’s so SOFT. He’s so full of love and passion and he can barely keep it inside and I’m honestly overwhelmed by how much I love this guy. Like, he’s so full of emotion and it’s so clear in his face at any given moment and that’s no weakness, that’s his strength and I just. Ugh. It’s so refreshing and great. Love is stored in the Joe. I wish real life had people like him.

Favorite moment: okay so it’s hard to decide because all his moments are great, but I’m going to go with the moment in which he waits for Nicky to wake up after Keane shoots him. You can see how he can barely keep inside the fear and panic he has when Nicky isn’t waking up, and then, when he does, Joe takes a moment to look aside and exhale before grasping him. Like he physically needed to let it out. I’m not sure if I’m explaining myself properly, but those couple seconds of body language fascinate me.

Unpopular opinion: It is entirely possible that it shows up in some secondary material that I just haven’t seen, in which case I’m dumb and I’m sorry for this, but I don’t think Joe is necessarily a poet? Like don’t get me wrong, I LOVE the idea of poet Joe and I do think he probably has an easier time around words than the rest of the Guard, but I’m not too sure where the idea came from? I think his speech in the ban comes out of the pure, raw love he has for Nicky more than any formal education he might have had about any of it. He’s just that passionate. I mean, not that I think it’s wrong of anything. I just think canon doesn’t give any indication at all about it. (plus comic Joe said something along the lines of ‘brewing the stew of love’ which is the most hilariously unpoetical thing ever lmao).

Favorite relationship: uuuuuhhhhhhhhhhh is it cheating to say Nicky? I’m gonna go with Nicky. I could go on for quite a while about his relationship with Nicky and I’m gonna spare us all having to go through that but I will say that as long as Joe and Nicky are alive the concept of romance just simply cannot die. They singlehandedly keep it alive and flourishing. 100000/10 best love story ever, I accept no criticism.

Favorite headcanon: Joe is a man who is, at any given moment, 110% in control of his own emotions. Like, he’s a emotionally driven man, no doubt about that, but he’s not impulsive in the least. When he was shouting at Booker, it wasn’t impulsive, he was angry as hell and decided to let him know. Then during the escape he shut it off and didn’t let it get in the way of cooperation, then let it out again. It’s like he has a valve on his own emotions that he willingly manipitales when he deems it right. He is very aware of his own emotions and just refuses to repress it for things like, pretending that what Booker did wasn’t that big of a deal, dude knows he’s entitled to be upset about it. Most emotionally mature and stable man on Earth.

Nicky:

First impression: I thought he looked soft and also sort of awkward-looking, but in a good way if that makes sense? tbh I expected him to be a nice character that didn’t get that much depth because he’d stay in the sidelines and only have a handful surface traits.

Impression now: I LOVE how hard it is to pin Nicky down as just this or that part of his personality, the way fandom usually does with characters. He’s soft and kind, but he will stay his ground and not let anyone walk over him. He believes in doing good as the purpose of his life, but he won’t hesitate to commit murder (Gotta wonder how exactly his moral code works). He’s warm and welcoming, but also sort of reserved and not saying much about himself. If you try to shove Nicky into any of the usual fandom archetypes, you’re missing at least half of his character.

Favorite moment: As with Joe, I have a hard time picking up just one single moment, bit I’ll go with the moment he brings up Malta. His whole demeanor while in the lab is fascinating, but I think it’s that particular moment that probably defines Nicky best. They’re in a very though and uncertain situation, and he brings up a fond memory to raise spirits, his own but mostly Joe’s. Idk, I feel like it shows that a) he’s very aware of how other people are feeling/thinking and wants to make it better, and b) he has, at his core, hope (in this specific situation, hope that they’ll make it out, but it relates to his belief that they have a purpose).

Unpopular opinion: I tbh don’t think that time in Malta was a sex thing at all. I in general don’t read them as a particularly sexual couple, but even if they were, I doubt a sex vacation, of any kind, would be something that stands out that much in a relationship this long. Whatever Malta was, it’s a secret between them and I honestly like that.

Favorite relationship: See, this is why I felt like saying Joe’s favorite relationship was Nicky felt like cheating. Because I’m going to answer the exact same thing. I mean, is there any other option, really. Really. The answer is no and we all know it. Anyway. Joe and Nicky lucked out in Immortal roulette and tbh who can blame Booker for being a little bit bitter about it. Anyone would be jealous of such PERFECTION.

Favorite headcanon: Nicky is the most spiritual member of the Guard (Nile is probably on par with him or even more, but she probably has a few years of faith crisis ahead of her). He has a solid belief in purpose and goodness which is much more firm than his original sense of faith, after centuries of questioning it. I also think that while he probably still maintains a somewhat christian view on faith, the years have eroded away specific religions from it. He’s sort of agnostic, but not in a ‘I don’t know if there’s a higher power’ way, but in a ‘I know there’s a higher power, but I don’t care what name it has’ way.

Both

Idea for a story: Okay I’m doing this one like this because it’s literally the same answer for both lmao. Excluding pieces of character exploration and missing scenes and stuff, I’ve got a fic (on semi-hiatus until I finish my exams) about ‘what if instead of speedrun enemy to lovers, they were DUMB and spent like 400 years pining for each other and not seeing the other is in love too’. I’m also lowkey thinking up a Dragon Age AU, which is more of an entire-cast thing that just these two, but of course their storylines in it go inherently together. It’s probably too big a project for me actually carry out lmao. But it’s there in my mind, I have backstories and character classes and everything in the works. Maybe someday.

[dahniwitchoflight]

Homesquared Chapter 16

Alrighty, that was a fun tangent, now back to John it seems?

Oh, no, Narration of John (So Actually Dirk, speak of the devil and he shall appear and all that etc etc)

“ leaving John with one final touch on the shoulder. John leans into it in response, though he’s a bit ashamed of chasing down a sliver of physical affection so soon after obliterating Karkat’s evening like he had. “

pfft lol so Im not the only one that thought it would be funny if that scene was interpreted in a Pale Romantic light, even though that really wasn’t what was happening

OIh! but we still get Roxy, just the other version of Roxy

Roxy subtly being like “hey!! shit has apparently gone down, were not exactly close atm but I feel bad about you dying to want to know if youre still alive so im gonna message you while trying to make it look like i dont care about it as much as I do”

JOHN: trying to align my memories of my youth with whatever is happening right now so

and the wonderful question is, what IS going be happening with you now John?

Roxy looking nice and casual, but also yeah narration, why are you making this ominous, its not like Roxy’s out here to double spy on behalf of Jane, I don’t think Roxys on her side THAT much

ROXY: may have to do a smidge more if my old bff decides im next on the list for bombing out

ROXY: but so far so good

ROXY: just a coupla exploded cars in the yard from some shenanigans our dear son and his friends were in but u kno it is what it is!!!

Roxy once again being a master of hiding how shes feeling, even when trying to open up, feeling pretty stressed about whats happening with Jane, understandable, the exclamation points give it away lol

The narration is really trying to make John nervous though

OH lol that was the implication haha no lol John it obviously wasn’t that

“John feels his shoulders unbunch. Of course. Yeah. He’s almost embarrassed by how relieved he feels. So what if his ex wife wanted to hook up? Shouldn’t that be a situation he could navigate? Don’t people like to find solace in human physical connection during dire times? Why did the idea of it make his mind white out in panic more than, say, any number of the traumas he just experienced? He doesn’t know, but he believes Roxy that he must look pretty haggard. He probably feels haggard? Maybe sitting down will feel better.“

lol once again, Dirk has no idea how to read Roxy at all and just trips over himself and his assumptions XD

Yeah, looks like Roxy not on the Jane train and is doing some takesies backsies, shes glossing over her feelings on the matter still though, I know thats par for the course of how Roxy tends to handle stuff too but I wish shed open up a bit more, but maybe shes playing the smart game, yknow, knowing that Dirk has a hard time reading her, so glossing over stuff is how you protect yourself against the narrative force, confusion and vaguery in the narrative and her actions only helps her to keep control over it, because at any point, you can decide to “clear up” any narrative “miscommunication” or “confusion” and lay down what is it thats actually happening with you any time you want

Void working in the behind the scenes to do what they want

JOHN: like it’s my HOUSE.

JOHN: but mostly it always felt like my dad’s house?

JOHN: and when i started living there after i moved out of here, it was like i crammed myself back into whatever was left of my kid self?

JOHN: and it didn’t feel good, but it at least was familiar, you know?

JOHN: like living there let me feel closer to my dad, trying to be like the way i remember him, or like how i remember him wanting me to be, or something?

JOHN: and i didn’t realize how much i hated doing that until i saw it all go up in flames.

JOHN: so i guess i could have used my powers to stop the fire and save whatever was left of the place, but i couldn’t bring myself to do it.

JOHN: like some fucked up part of me was glad i got there too late?

JOHN: so i just sat there, watching, trying to figure out why watching my house burn down felt like i was being released from prison.

JOHN: and even now i keep trying to explain it away, as though it’s because of how fucked up everything else is that it made me feel good.

JOHN: but that’s just bullshit.

JOHN: it DID feel good.

JOHN: i DO feel free.

JOHN: sorry.

ROXY: no need 2 apologize

ROXY: we just delved in2 my whole gender thing last time so it seems fine for u to have a turn

JOHN: i didn’t say it was a gender thing.

Im pretty sure you’re talking about a gender thing John, like, very 100% sure now this is what’s happening

because if you were actually a girl, of course you’re dad leaving all these notes about how one day hes gonna be so proud of the man youll become, yeah, that can feel a little pressuring, even if your dad didnt mean it like that, since he was unfailingly the kind of dad just bumbling around trying to understand their kid as best they could and leave encouragements everywhere, thats what his intent was, but all his notes come off a bit wrong in particular issues

remember the note under the fridge that was all like “SON. IF YOURE READING THIS NOTE, YOUVE FINALLY BECOME STRONG ENOUGH OF A MAN TO PICK UP THE FRIDGE.” not exactly that but that was always the vibe Dad’s little notes always had

Yeah, i can see how John would view it as a bit off, but if he hadnt the self awareness to realize it was a gender thing at the time, hed be understandly confused as to why such a thing would bother him

now though, he’s realizing, maybe, he doesn’t exactly want to be the man his dad always encouraged him to be

John does seem a lot happier here in his convo with Roxy than he did on his own when the house was burning, that conversation with karkat left me wondering if John was about to start dissociating he was so down, but here he says he feels freeing and happy about it?

ROXY: but like now that u mention it

ROXY: *meaningful pause*

JOHN: …

JOHN: i

JOHN:

John’s beginning to question stuff, or acknowledge that he’s questioning stuff, cuz it’s true, and hes feeling happy about it, in a way that he wasnt before, but he hasnt quite connected the dots here between the happy feeling and what exactly he has to be happy about

ROXY: aight then no wind bending just use your mangrit

Roxy flexes, the corner of her mouth pulled up into a familiar grin. John feels his guts, so recently calmed, twist up into knots again. Her eyebrows shoot up and the smile loosens. He must have shown something on his face.

ROXY: ok or just like push when i push

ROXY: we both got sick muscles

ROXY: no other adjectives necessary

JOHN: yeah ok.

Yeah Roxy’s 100% picked up on it, and maybe Dirk has as well if the narration is commenting on it

Alrighty then, to the secret lair under the bed!

oh I just noticed how kind of cute and interesting Roxy’s nickname for Harry is, “Lil H A” Harry Anderson shortens to Ha like laughter haha

and if Harry had Roxy’s last name, it’d be Harry Anderson Lalonde

Lil HAL

lol what is Callie doing under Roxy’s secret bedchamber XD

This whole secret bedchamber thing is turning into one big metaphor isn’t it?

That thing behind the curtain kind of looks like the Attic Portal shape from Hiveswap though

that’d be neat if that was it, like obviously we knew one of the cherubs had to have something to do with that portal just going by the design of it alone

Honestly it makes sense that Callie is doing it under the curtain of Roxy’s Void, it’s honestly the safest place to do something like that

lol Calliope has grown past writing fanfic about shipping and being in love, now the drama of broken relationships and divorce is all the rage XD character growth? haha

CALLIOPE: besides, hUman divorces are even more fascinating than i had ever imagined, and being able to witness yoUrs in motion was an honoUr.

CALLIOPE: so i consider Us aboUt even at this point.

Calliope just burned him harder than his childhood home’s destruction

CALLIOPE: ah right, right. yoU're probably a little cUrioUs as to where the dickens we are.

have you been talking to Jake lol (I mean, probably Original Grandpa Jake tbh if that portal is actually the portal)

Alright so John is getting caught up on the major plot points, Earth C is indeed in the large black hole, his choice didn’t matter since both choices happened anyway yadda yadda

CALLIOPE: think of it like a coin flip.

CALLIOPE: the series of events that led to Us being trapped beyond the event horizon of an Ubermassive black hole could be considered "tails", while the events which would have occUrred otherwise could be considered "heads".

CALLIOPE: since both were possible, and paradox space is the way it is, they actUally both happened. and we jUst "happened" (hee hee) to get tails instead of heads.

yup yup yup pretty par for the course of timesplits in homestuck so far

CALLIOPE: not at all! since both possibilities depend on one another's existence, it really doesn't make sense to call them "right" or "wrong". they both just "are".

yup, this is true, the ending’s of both referenced the others, so it’s disingenuous to say one is “canon” while the other isn’t

one is simply in the realm of actual possibility, the other is in the realm of unlikely possibility

More than likely, John would have chosen to leave and go die and be the hero like in Meat, but there was still the possibility that he would stay, even if it was unlikelier than the other, but since both were possible choices for him to realistically make, both actually happened for real

CALLIOPE: anyway, the reason i went on this tangent in the first place was to explain that the space we are standing in right now has a special significance, in that it is the location which corresponds to the black hole's singUlarity

that’s interesting, so there’s the original meteor that crashed into the surface of Earth C, and it’s in here that the singularity of what I don’t wanna call the Green Hole to match the Green Sun when I wanna talk about this specific Black Hole lolol

but yeah, here in this meteor lies the crux of the paradox it seems, interesting, also interesting again, this is where that Hiveswap Portal is

Hiveswap does have a plot point of “Joey must do thing in 11 days otherwise Earth and Alternia will be destroyed” and the only known destruction event of Earth and Alternia so far in canon is the Green Sun’s Creation from the destruction of both universes (and then later Callie’s destruction of the green sun into the black hole) so is Hiveswap gonna be a factor in the green sun’s destruction/creation as well? (Joey has the symbol of the Green Sun for a reason, I’m super curious as to what factor Joey has in relation to the Green Sun’s Existence, We still don’t know what the fact those black monsters are too, they’re like nega-first guardians, the kind of things that look like would come out of a Black Hole that came from the Green Sun tbh)

It’s all inter-related I tells ya

ROXY: ur not gonna enter a weird time vortex and change the trajectory of a little girls life with the power of love

JOHN: aw.

You say that now but

CALLIOPE: it's not strictly speaking "bad" for Us to be inside of a black hole, mUch thoUgh that contradicts most of what anyone knows about them.

CALLIOPE: of coUrse, if we had fallen into it, that woUld be a whole other kettle of fish.

CALLIOPE: the tidal forces woUld have stretched Us all into spaghetti and then ripped us apart!

CALLIOPE: bUt the natUre of oUr arrival was more akin to simply "being" here, sUddenly. one moment we were not, and the next moment we were, and somehow always had been.

yeah that’s basically how this multiverse’s reality works, the future is a thing that already physically exists, just in a different location in the universe somewhere else

time travel and spacial teleportation could be said to be the same thing all along

that’s why violating the events of the future has actual consequences, because its like asking to go somewhere that doesn’t exist but how has to exist because it’s the future, too much of that and reality starts cracking at the seams to make room

same thing happens with sessions and playing sburb

the planets and dreaming moons and all that simultaneously have always existed here, and started existing only because the player played the game and the planets were generated upon entering a session, but to the player involved, it looks and feels like you are just being teleported to a different location in the universe, because you also kind of are

CALLIOPE: i mean, the natUre of space and time is a little finicky in here, bUt for the most part it doesn't seem to be anything too oUt of the ordinary.

CALLIOPE: bUt beyond that, it means that we are sealed away from the rest of existence.

CALLIOPE: oUr sphere of inflUence is limited to the sphere of the black hole's bounding horizon.

CALLIOPE: as far as everyone else is concerned, we might as well not even exist!

So you’re just in a little seperated bubble, that’s not connect temporally to any other place of existence, you aren’t anywhere in the past or the future of anywhere else

nowhere leads here, and here can not lead outwards either, theoretically, and yes it exists, so it must also

JOHN: is there no way we could let anyone know that we're in here...?

CALLIOPE: almost certainly not!

CALLIOPE: there are very few ways for anything to escape the kind of predicament that we are in right now. one of them is to be an all-powerfUl being with control over the very fabric of space, with the energy of two Universes at yoUr disposal.

CALLIOPE: in which case, escape woUld become rather trivial, if a little Unscientific.

JOHN: ok. i am going to assume that we can't just do that.

CALLIOPE: yoU've hit the nail on the head, UnfortUnately. U_U

CALLIOPE: the method i described was the one employed by my alternate self, who yoU may recall crashed through the event horizon in the body that once belonged to jade harley.

CALLIOPE: she departed through a pUnctUre she created in the black hole's surface shortly after consUming my brother, a deed which provided her with the necessary "oomph", and which was frankly rather breathtaking to watch. =u=

CALLIOPE: bUt Upon her departUre, the rift closed for good. as far as i can see, there's simply no way for Us to commUnicate with the world oUtside the black hole.

CALLIOPE: i woUld certainly be very sUrprised to find oUt that anyone had managed sUch a thing!

So someone else definitely has managed to do such a thing

JOHN: knowing that we're inside of a black hole... does that actually change anything?

JOHN: like, can't we just go on living like normal?

CALLIOPE: oh absolUtely not.

CALLIOPE: i don't know if yoU've noticed john bUt this world is on the brink of a total cataclysm.

JOHN: oh.

CALLIOPE: oUr exclUsion from the overarching coUrse of events which governs all reality means that oUr existence here is liable to dramatic and violent Upheaval.

CALLIOPE: to pUt it another way, becaUse nothing in here "matters", we are likely to be sUbjected to things which are a bit bats in the belfry, for no reason other than it's totally insignificant to the wider canon of reality.

CALLIOPE: and mUch thoUgh i am personally titillated by some of the conseqUences of this predicament, it is a degrading way for Us to live. u_u

JOHN: that's... certainly one way to put it, yeah...

yeah, so because here in the black hole neither affects the past or the future of anywhere else, being so disconnected, they are technically free of the reigns of the Alpha Timeline that exists elsewhere in the multiverse

the Alpha Timeline now being understood to simply mean, The Narrative

Things are the way they are because they are thus written to be so

CALLIOPE: at first, i believed that this was simply necessary. Us playing tails to oUr coUnterparts' heads, the black to their white, and so forth.

CALLIOPE: bUt over the years i have come to the conclUsion that this is simply not kosher.

ROXY: its total bs is what it is

CALLIOPE: right, yes.

CALLIOPE: a steaming pile of bUllshite.

CALLIOPE: and so we have decided that something needs to be done aboUt it.

Hmmm. It’s a dangerous idea to be playing with for sure, to decide all the black pieces in the game of chess suddenly become white, it is a very flip turning of reality upside down to be sure

To be honest, I’d think you’d need a powerful Doom player at your disposal to even try something like this

or actually, a powerful Doom user would be most likely to shut this entire thing down, knowing how bad of an idea it’d be, maybe it’s more you need a powerful Life player to do something like this instead

is that also why Dirk viewed Jane as an ally then? She would technically have the kind of power to upend the black and white doomy laws of reality if driven to her full potential, i mean obviously yes, we know this already because of the candy colored I-can-do-whatever-I-want-with-no-consequences lollipop

Is this what Calliope hopes to achieve with the Hiveswap Portal then? her goals for Joey and friends are to be the ones to prevent their universe’s twin destructions, and thus the Green Sun’s initial existence and then also the destruction into the Black Hole after the fact? that would be one way to prevent the Black Hole from existing, making it so the thing that creates the black hole never exists either

and that's certainly a canon event that would be difficult to tear asunder without major consequences

That would be a “Re-writing Homestuck from the very beginning” level of canon event

And if I’m correct, Joey is theorized by me to be a Mage of Life, if any classpect at their full potential was gonna do something like that, or have the impossible knowledge to something impossibly paradoxical like that, well..

ROXY: but u dont need to worry abt busting us outta space jail tbh

ROXY: thats not ur problem to fix

JOHN: oh.

JOHN: i'm... not sure i follow, then.

ROXY: i mean yeah ur gonna obvs facilitate it in a sense

ROXY: but only by going and busting the person who can actually help us outta normal earth jail

CALLIOPE: we need yoU to free vriska from the clUtches of oUr misgUided friend jane, and bring her here, to the singUlarity.

ROXY: weve been calling it the plot point

CALLIOPE: yes, the plot point is a key part of oUr plan.

CALLIOPE: as far as we have been able to sUrmise, the only remaining method for escaping oUr grim confinement depends on leveraging the UniqUe properties of this location to create an event of sUch catalcysmic proportions that it simply cannot be contained within the black hole any more.

CALLIOPE: something SO dramatic, so hyper-relevant, that it becomes ontologically impossible for anyone to ignore it.

CALLIOPE: for that, we need an individUal of sUfficient narrative cloUt, so to speak.

CALLIOPE: and to liberate her, who better than the embodiment of the aspect of freedom itself?

I mean yeah! makes sense! Johns major factor here is Freedom, Vriska’s is Importance

and yeah, I can think of no other wholly dramatic event that to mess with stuff with the Green Sun, everyone will have eyes on that, they have to, their whole existence the way it is relies on it

But, they could also mean something else, its only condition is that it has to be something so imflappably impossible, something so not-canon and so outrageous that it basically horse-shoes around to the other end of the canon spectrum to being something that truly exists again

and that could be literally anything and it’s nerve wracking and exciting to see what thing theyre gonna come up with to just directly kneecap Homestuck itself

ROXY: thx babe

ROXY: oh is it 2 soon for that joke or

JOHN: no, weirdly enough, that one’s fine.

(yeah that’s because Babe can be construed as feminine June)

so, I’m basically convinced they’re doing June Egbert now

that to me was like, pretty severely on the nose

John: Hey Roxy, what it does mean when you find a sense of freedom when all of the symbolism of the masculinity surrounding your childhood burns down around you

Roxy: idk It’s probably a gender thing man

John: I didn’t say the word gender-

Roxy: It’s ok babe no pressure, we can hash it out later

John: Hmm, later then. :)

Roxy: (Turns and looks towards the camera with a knowing smile)

shit all that imagery makes me think of Roxy as that picture of the small kid smirking at the camera while a house burns in the distance XD

[apenapaperandadoofus]

Can i request seven with mc who is being kidnapped (posibbly getting hurt/tortured) because of sometrouble related to seven's agency work, maybe they want revenge or smth, its up to you mc ends up dead or alive when seven finally found her (i prefer her dead but idk tbh i just want to see saeyeong suffer rn lmao, and i like to watch my own heart breaking after that T-T) THANKYOUU IF YOU R DOING IT ♡♡

Oh shit hell yeah T_T

I think I made it a bit dark, so maybe we’ll add a happy end

ALSO HEY! Listen to the saddest song you can if you want to! That way you can get the full experience lmao

Regret:

(Saeyoung x MC, TW: May include mentions of suicide, sexual abuse, and torture, so if you feel uncomfortable with any of this please don’t read it! I think I made this a bit too dark, so please watch out!)

The sun was setting. It had gotten cold, since they were in a mountain. There was no sound, and only if you were paying attention, you would notice the three men hiding behind some trees and bushes.

A bit farther away you could see a big old building. A few men guarding the entrance.

To Saeyoung Choi, the building gave him the feeling as if he was suffocating. But right now he couldn’t focus on that.

He was currently hacking into the building’s security cameras. He was checking the layout of the place, checking how many guards there were, places to hide and places where you might be locked up.

“Hey, zero seven, are you sure they aren’t leading us straight into a trap? It was way too easy to find them, barely took us a month. You know better than anyone that finding their spots takes way longer than that.” Vanderwood said, as he took one last puff from his cigarette and threw it on the ground, stepping on it to put it off.

“Lets just trust him for now. And could you please not smoke in the forest? You’re making me want to puke.” Saeran, who was crouching beside his brother glared.

“Hey, I didn’t even want to come here. The least you could do is let me have one last cigarette if I die.” But Vanderwood silently complied and didn’t touch a cigarette again.

Finally Saeyoung, who was looking at his computer intensely turned around and ran a hand through his hair. “Alright, I memorized the layout. I know places where we can hide, and I think I know where she is being held. We’re going in at midnight.”

Both men nodded and waited until the time came.

.............

“Where is she?! Did you have anything to do with this?!”

Saeyoung grabbed Vanderwood by the collar and shook him, hard. He scoffed and glared at Saeyoung.

“I left the agency with you, remeber?! Why would I be back again with them, that place is fucked up...and...if they got hold of her then we should give up. She’s probably already dead.”

Before Vanderwood could say anything else he felt an immense wave of pain on his cheek. Saeyoung had just...punched him. He had the nerve to punch him.

That night, well, both men ended up bruised. But then Vanderwood saw how much he cared. And how much it hurt him.

He agreed to help, but only if he got a reward. He said he only did it because he wanted to make some quick cash, but deep inside, Vanderwood was also worried. He honestly didn’t want anything to happen to you.

............

Saeran wasn’t allowed to go in, so he stayed outside, trying to look out for any danger.

If Saeyoung or Vanderwood sent him an SOS he was supposed to immediately leave, and send some coordinates to the chatroom. Jumin would know what to do.

Of course Saeran got mad. Saeyoung said he was only trying to protect him, but he wasn’t having any of that shit.

When Vanderwood and Saeyoung left for the building, they hadn’t made up, and Saeran was still mad.

Both men made their way slowly to the building. Saeyoung had always preferred being sneaky instead of taking out every guard they found. But Vanderwood decided to not take any chances, and whenever he could he would kill one of the guards.

Still, they walked quietly, hiding in the shadows, and of course they went unnoticed I mean, both of them were the best of the best. Sneaking through those guards was a piece of cake.

Slowly, Saeyoung and Vanderwood reached the third floor. In there, Vanderwood had to take care of a few...nuisances....but quickly the made it into the door and opened it.

The room smelled horrible. It smelled strongly of iron, and of something...rotten.

There was an endless pile of corpses in front of them. Saeyoung quickly got over to it, searching and scanning, hoping that it wasn’t true, that he was wrong.

“Zero seven!!! In here!” Vanderwood screamed and Saeyoung quickly looked behind him.

Vanderwood was in a corner, his gun pointing at the door. “You go get her out while I look out for any more guards.”

Saeyoung quickly nodded and went over to where Vanderwood had pointed.

And he felt his knees buckle.

You were tied up, undressed, with your arms above your head, your face and body filled with cuts and bruises.

Parts of your stomach were a deep purple, and your arms had x’s cut all over them.

Saeyoung...he froze.

Seeing you like that.

It was his worst nightmare.

It was the one scenario that had always haunted him, that made him unable to sleep at night.

And it was happening right now.

Saeyoung made his way over to you, and you let out a dry gasp as you tried to squirm. Saeyoung felt his heart crack as he saw your terrified eyes look up at him.

But then...your expression. It changed. It went from scared...to being glad. To being happy.

Saeyoung...he thought he’d never see that expression again.

“Sae...Sae...young? Sae...young is...is it....really you? I’m...I’m not....dreaming am I?” Your voice cracked, as you tried to let the words out, and your eyes started filling with tears.

Saeyoung sniffed and he cupped your cheeks.

“It’s me. Y/N....it’s, it’s really me...”

When he broke your chains you fell to the ground, but Saeyoung quickly caught you and hugged you, running his hands through your hair, crying, sobbing. You were alive....you were alive and he had found you.

Saeyoung took off his sweater, and gave it to you. As he helped you out it on, he slowly looked at your body.

Cuts and bruises. All recent. He saw them on your neck, on your legs, everywhere. He had to control himself to not go on a murder spree right then and there.

“Hey. We don’t have much time. Move it.”

Vanderwood said, and then his eyes widened as he took a good look at you. His hand tightened around his gun, and his expression became dark. He didn’t say anything, but he along with Saeyoung helped you stand up.

You could barely walk, since your legs were so beaten up.

The whole time Saeyoung carried you he cried. He just...this was all his fault. Everything.

He was so shcoked that he could barely breathe, everytime he looked at you he felt a pamg on his chest. This was all because of him.

You quietly made your way down to the first floor, you whimpering every time you walked a bit.

“Hey...hey Y/N. Look at me. It’s going to be alright, everything is ok.” Saeyoung tried to encourage you, to try and show you he was confident everything would turn out alright.

But he was lying.

He knew that as soon as you got to a hospital he had to leave. Leave you, leave his brother, leave the RFA, everything. If he stayed...he would only hurt them. He would hurt you.

“SAEYOUNG FUCKING MOVE THEY’RE BEHIND US” Vanderwood screamed, and Saeyoung snapped out of it.

He carried you on his back, running as fast as he could, the guards close behind you.

Gunshots and yells could be heard everywhere, Vanderwood kept turning around to try and shoot, but he only managed to get a few guys.

You cried, as you heard shots so near you, so near Saeyoung.

You didn’t want him to be hurt.

Then, as you were finally near to the exit, only three guys remaining, Saeyoung screamed and fell, bringing you down with him.

Vanderwood cursed everything, and turned back to shoot at the other guys, trying to cover you both.

You slowly crawled over to Saeyoung, who was on the floor, screaming in pain.

They shot him in the leg.

You cried, as you tried to stop the bleeding, but Saeyoung managed to stand up.

He didn’t hear yours or Vanderwood’s protest as he grabbed your arm and led you outside.

Thankfully, Vanderwood managed to hurt all of the remaining guards, shooting them in the legs, and making them unable to move.

Vanderwood came out first and called out to Saeran, telling him to call an ambulance, now.

Saeyoung thightly gripped your hand, and led you out of the building.

He let out a sigh of relief when he saw the blue night sky above him. And he couldn’t help but smile.

They got out.

You were safe.

You were alive.

Saeyoung couldn’t believe it. His heart was pounding and he could barely make out the yells of Vanderwood and Saeran in the distance, and they ran toward him.

He squeezed your hand, not caring about his wound, not caring about anything. He was just happy, to finally be getting out of that horrible place.

But then the next thing he heard, was a deafening explosion behind him.

...........

“I love you so much.” Saeyoung whispered, and you blushed, hiding underneath the sheets. He laughed and pulled them down.

“What? I really do. I love you. A lot. So much that....that I want to have a future with you. I want to take it to the next step. I’m serious.” You giggled and smiled up at your boyfriend, who grabbed you and held you tight, both of your bare chests against each other.

“Saeyoung Choi, are you proposing to me right after we had sex?” You said teasingly, and Saeyoung chuckled.

“Even though this may have been the best sex we’ve ever had, I’m afraid not. But don’t worry, one of these day’s I’ll catch you by surprise, and you’d better say yes. I’m not kidding Y/N.” He caressed your cheek and kissed your forehead.

“I want to marry you. And I will. I want to spend every single moment of my life with you. I want us to get a big house, with a huge backyard. And then, we can modify it so it becomes the coolest house ever!”

“Ohhh can we have a chandelier that pours the drinks?!” You asked excitedly, and Saeyoung nodded.

“Yes ma’am! Even Jumin will be jealous of our home! And after the house is done...well... I want to start a family. I want to see our kids take their first steps, build robots. I want them to have...the childhood I never had. I want to make them the happiest children on earth. And then, before we know it, they’ll get in first grade, and in the blink of an eye they’ll be graduating, and out of the house. They’ll get jobs, their own partners, if they want they’ll even have kids! Or cats, I’m happy with either. And we...we will still be together.”

Saeyoung kissed you and then gave you the brightest smile. “I want us to grow old together in that house. We’ll be taking walks in the garden, or we can read some books. Sometimes dance slowly in the kitchen, our favorite song playing. And I will make sure that happens Y/N. I promise...and you’d better promise too! If you’re with me, you’re stuck with me for the long run!” You laughed and pinched his cheeks.

“Of course I promise! Let’s grow old together, Saeyoung!!”

.........

There was smoke.

The smell of metal, and burning flesh.

Saeyoung looked around, coughing, and then he realized what had happened.

The building had blown up.

Wait...where were you!!?

Saeyoung looked around, his heart about to go out of his chest.

I mean, he was holding your hand wasn’t he? He was?

He could...he could even feel it still around him.

Saeyoung sighed and looked to his side, ready to carry you up and get you away from there.

But then...you weren’t there.

But....he was....holding your.....

Saeyoung looked down, and saw a bloody arm tightly around his hand.

Then everything went black.

He didn’t hear anything.

He couldn’t feel.

He couldn’t think.

He didn’t feel the burns in his back.

Or his broken leg.

Or when Saeran ran over to him and shook him, screaming something.

Saeyoung didn’t notice when a helicopter arrived, and Jumin and some paramedics got out of it.

He was...his head was....it was blank.

If you ask him about the following weeks after the incident, Saeyoung couldn’t reply.

He didn’t remeber.

Everyday, Saeran would come and visit his brother and Vanderwood, who had been hit by a rock and was currently unable to wake up.

The doctors said, ironically, that Saeyoung was absolutely lucky, he did get some very grave burns and everything, but he was somehow still alive!

But he wasn’t either of those things.

The love of his life had been blown to pieces in front of him.

And inside...he didn’t even feel alive anymore.

He didn’t want to...live anymore.

Saeyoung only ate when they forced him to eat, and he only slept when they forced him to sleep.

Saeran would always visit him.

He knew...he knew what it was like. To feel nothing, to not think or to not feel.

And Saeran...he cared for his brother. Deeply.

Saeyoung never noticed him. But sometimes Saeran would go to the corner and cry a bit.

After all....Saeyoung wasn’t Saeyoung anymore.

..........

“Hey.” Saeyoung heard a deep voice call from behind.

He didn’t turn around.

“Oh wow Vanderwood, you woke up? Why yes Saeyoung I did, thanks for caring about me you little brat”

Vanderwood said sarcastically, and then he plopped down on a chair near the bed.

He was wearing a bandage around his head, and he looked thinner.

Vanderwood looked at Saeyoung for a while, and then he gently placed a hand on his head.

“Kid. I’m sorry. She was...she was amazing wasn’t she? Always positive, smiling. Y/N, she made all of our lives better. That’s what she always did.”

Saeyoung clutched his fists when he heard your name.

Before Vanderwood could say anything else Saeyoung spoke up.

“Leave. And don’t say her name ever again or I swear I will fuckign murder you.” He said coldly.

Vanderwood’s eyes widened, and he stood up and stomped out of the room, slamming the door.

Saeyoung immediately regretted his words. But he only bit his lip and quietly cried until he fell asleep.

.........

The funeral was held after Saeyoung had healed. Fully. There was no problem delaying it, since there was literally no body.

Everyone in the RFA showed up.

The day was sunny, and Saeyoung bitterly laughed as he thought that of course the day of your funeral you’d make the weather be so perfect.

.......

Saeran made Saeyoung see a therapist.

Saeyoung didn’t want to. He refused.

But one night Saeran couldn’t find his brother anywhere, and he saw that one of the cars wasn’t in the garage.

He managed to track his twin’s phone, and he quickly drove over to where Saeyoung was, not caring about following any of the signs or to care about other cars.

He got there quickly. And he saw Saeyoung....standing on top of a cliff.

Saeran felt his heart drop, and he slowly made his way to his brother.

“S-Saeyoung! Please listen to me!” Saeran begged. He had been doing that for so long now, every time getting more and more desperate. Saeyoung shook his head and explained that he was a failure, he was only going to cause harm.

“Just, let me be Saeran! You’ll all be better of without me...”

“Don’t say that you fuckign bastard.” Saeran grabbed Saeyoung’s shoulders when he least expected it, and quickly pinned him down. “I NEED YOU SAEYOUNG. I really do! Please, PLEASE don’t make this stupid fucking mistake! You think Y/N would have liked that?! For you to become a mess, to KILL yourself? I’m pretty sure she’d kick your ass if you ever even thought of that!”

Saeyoung looked at his brother, an emotionless expression on his face. He didn’t seem to care that Saeran was crying for him. That he was yelling at him, telling him to stop, that he loves him, and that he doesn’t know what he would do without his brother.

After that he went to a therapist. Even though it did take time, Saeyoung got a bit better. He started talking more, and he didn’t stay in his room all the time.

Recently he’d been prescribed anti depressants, so that was supposed to be helping him.

But Saeyoung still felt empty.

.........

“Y/N. Y/N was...is...the love of my life. You know, I promised her I’d never stop loving her, and I never will. She was...the light of the RFA. She helped us all., she was always there for us. Now...now that she’s gone....everything seems so colorless...meaningless. She was one of the few people who...who saw me for me. She put up with all my shit, always with a smile on her face, no matter how much of an asshole I was, she’d be there. She was there for all of us. Now...now whenever I wake up it’s in an empty bed. I won’t get to hear her cooking in the kitchen, dancing or singing along to cheesy pop songs again. She won’t be there to watch those cringy reality tv shows, to, to nag me when I don’t eat something healthy. I always thought that...that we’d end up together forever, which is why I never really appreciated those moments. I’m sure she’s nagging at me right now for being so depressed. Y/N...Y/N...she, she didn’t deserve this. If I could go back in time...I’d make sure that instead of her, it was me. She’s a much better person, and she didn’t deserve any of this and....I’m sorry. I should probably shut up now, uhm, Jumin it’s your turn.”

Saeyoung left the funeral early. He couldn’t handle it.

Saeran offered to bring him home, but he smiled and told him it’s alright. He was just a bit tired.

As soon as he turned on the car, the radio started to play your favorite song. And he tightened his hands around the wheel.

He rode home, silently.

He didn’t bother to turn on the lights. He quickly went to the bathroom, and washed his face. When he looked in the mirror, he could barely recognize himself. His eyes were red, with big eye bags, and his hair was greasy and messy. It had been so long since he last got a haircut.

He looked awful.

Then he went to his bedroom, and grabbed something from under the bed.

It was a red box.

Saeyoung made his way to the bathroom once again, and sat on the toilet, slowly opening the box.

Inside was a beautiful ruby ring.

He had gotten it six months before you got kidnapped.

He was going to propose soon.

But you had a fight.

He doesn’t even remeber what it was about.

But that day you went home early and Saeyoung went over to Yoosung’s, along with Saeran.

When he came back home to apologize, the place was a mess and you weren’t around.

He spent sleepless nights looking for you, finding out everything he could.

And then he screwed everything up.

If only it had been him the one who died.

If only you had never tried to get close to him, if only you had fallen in love with someone else.

You’d be alive right now.

Saeyoung sobbed, and squeezed the ring tightly in his hand.

“I’m sorry my love. I’m so sorry that I couldn’t protect you. That I wasn’t strong enough. And I’m sorry....about what I want to do. Please forgive me.”

And with that, Saeyoung got on top of the toilet and managed to lift a part of the roof up. It was one of his hiding spots.

Right now, Saeran was doing amazing. Vanderwood too. Everyone in the RFA would slowly feel better, they would manage to accept what happened and will surely, but slowly move on ....except him.

Saeyoung sat on the toilet again, and placed the cool metal object against his head, tears slowly streaming down.

He closed his eyes, and imagined your face, your sweet laugh.

He imagined the both of you holding each other in a heated embrace, or watching movies together, or even traveling the world!

“Y/N...I’ll be there soon...I don’t want to hurt anyone else.”

As he smiled bitterly, fantasizing and remembering all the moments he spent with you....he pulled the trigger.

———-

Jesus Christ, I’m so sorry if that was way too dark. If MC died because of soemthing like the agency...Saeyoung wouldn’t forgive himself. No matter what.

He will blame himself and will try to distance himself so that no one else encounters the same faith. Once again, sorry for making it super angsty

If you have any advice for my writing it’d be greatly appreciated!