#they were fixated on the bad kids for so long! i want some confrontation!! | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

cloudninetonine · 3 years

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A past that still haunts me

A/N: Hey guys, it's me (ya boi) I'm back with my still current hyper fixation Genshin Impact and a vent fic because I've been really stressed and well, it's hard living in my house :) It's a hurt/comfort fic because they always get to me and I needed to make something for myself

I am willing to do aftermath where the boys confront the abuser or do scenario but with different characters

Synopsis: You’re not a damsel in distress, you never have been and you never will be, but, well, sometimes you need a hero to rely on and that’s okay

Characters: Diluc, Kaeya, Zhongli and Childe

Warnings: Hints to past abuse, confrontation of abuser, violence, mentions of blood, threats, foul language

It had meant to be like any other menial day of an adventurer: sign in with Katheryne, complete your commissions, sign out with Katheryne with your payments - done and dusted.

But that wasn’t how it went, no, far from it - archons, so damn far from it.

“Thank you once again, (Name)” Katheryne’s smile was kind like usual, holding that familiar feeling of gratitude as she handed over your remission within a marked package, hand returning to the desk’s polished surface once you had taken it graciously, sending her a beaming grin back. “The Guild really appreciates your work ethic when it comes to the Ruin machines, it’s hard to come across adventurers who want to handle them anymore”

You sent her a shrug as you placed away the box “Can’t blame them really, they’re a hard bunch to handle- I was terrified of them when I first started too, but I had my vision to help me out, a lot of these folk only use there pure determination to eradicate them, gotta admire that!”

She laughed along with you politely “Have a good evening, (Name), I’ll see you again tomorrow?”

“Of course you will!” You backpedalled away from the guild reception, throwing the woman a polite double fingered salute as you did “Ad astra abyssoque as they say, my fair lady!”

She parrotted back her usual phrase before disappearing into the building, you walking further down the path of the city for your final activity for that day.

Of course, you didn’t reach that far, after all, it wasn’t that menial day you had expected, that you had wanted. Life was cruel sometimes, so incredibly cruel for no justified reason just for the sake of it all and you wished, archons, you wished you could rewind the clock and stop yourself from bumping into the body, to save yourself from all the repressed trauma bursting forth like a flurry of butterflies, well, more like moths, disgusting, ungodly, monster moths that aimed straight for the face.

“Sorry!” You yelped, too preoccupied with gathering your pocketwatch you had dropped in the stumble to see who it had been, after all, you were on a schedule and you didn’t want to be-

“(Name)?”

...late.

All of a sudden, time didn’t seem to exist, or maybe it was moving way too slowly from that horrid spike of adrenaline that shot into your bloodstream as soon as the voice registered.

You hoped to the Archons that it wasn’t, that it couldn’t, but did the gods hear your prayers?

“Oh Archons, it is you! It’s been such a long time!”

Of course, they did, they just didn’t care to listen. Ignoring the cries of your people were in fashion to them these days.

They stood there with a smile so excited it almost seemed to tear their face in half, with eyes sparkling with recognition after so many years away from them, they opened their arms welcoming you into their embrace like it was something just so normal for the two of you like you would come bounding to them like a lost puppy who had finally found their master.

The fear of your abuser dwarfed in comparison the pure feral rage and loathing to think that they even deserved to be breathing in the same space as you.

People were looking, of course, they were looking, you knew what they were doing, being bright and jovial, bringing others attention towards you both so that whatever scene you caused would be your fault like you were the bad guy. It was old tactics, of course, you wouldn’t dare do anything when you were younger, you’d just push through it, but this wasn’t old times, this wasn’t younger you, scared, smaller you afraid them, this was you now, a warrior, unwavering in battle, a person who smiled in the face of danger, who laughed at the pitiful fights that 2- no- 4 abyss mages brought to you!

To hell what other people thought, you’d stomp their head into the cobblestone if they had so much as poked you.

“Come here and give me a-”

You took a step back, mustering the deadliest face you could, but you wavered, it was only natural, no matter how much you could try to hype yourself up, this person was your first true experience of real-life nightmares, the first person to bring you true pain, no matter how many ruin guards, hunters, millachurls, mages- anything you faced, nothing could prepare you to face your first fear:

The fear of your older sibling.

“If you fucking touch me I’ll stab you-” The growl cracked nearing the end, you were always an angry crier but you were not about to fall back to this- this monster. “In front of all these people, I won’t hesitate”

Their face dropped followed by your stomach, though, the food you had for lunch sure did feel its way up your gullet.

“What’s with your language? We haven’t seen each other in four years and this is how you treat me? Your older sibling?” They laughed in disbelief because onlookers would think they were shocked, I mean, how could you speak to family like that? But they didn’t know, they didn’t know the words they had told you, the insults, the threats, those tight grabs, those beatings- they didn’t know, so they obviously didn’t know that the shock came from the fact that you had stood up to them.

You licked your lips to get rid of the dryness, but the problem you faced was that your mouth had dried out along with them, as did your throat.

Don’t let them turn this on you, don’t let them get the upper hand, you were better than them, so much better.

“You’re not my fucking sibling” You spat, feeling the air vibrate around you, a sudden shine from your cloak hinted you to the cause “You haven’t been for a long time, don’t fucking try that shit with me”

There it was, that familiar enraged spark, that look of hatred on their face, the thing that warned you about what you said had been the right thing to set them off, that they were just as easily triggered by the smallest act of rebellion just like when you were kids.

Of course, they hadn’t changed.

Evil never did.

They took a step forward but you didn’t back off, just hardened your resolve as they leaned in menacingly, as though their stupid little intimidation tactic still worked after all these years.

You told yourself it didn’t but you knew deep down that wasn’t completely true.

“Don’t speak to me like that, (Name)” Facade gone, they showed you what they really were, what they were really like after all, “Don’t you ever speak to me like that, you show me fucking respect”

Respect?

RESPECT!?

Oh Archons, you were angry, no, seething from the thought that they ever deserved respect.

That pathetic piece of shit, that gruelling pleb, mere gum on the bottom of your damn shoe-

You’d kill them, right here, right now.

You felt the familiar materialisation begin to form in your hand when another voice called out, a familiar loving one that nearly made your throat swell from relief.

“(Name)?”

Diluc

He could sense the tension. Of course, he could sense the tension, Diluc had faced this tension so many times before, he was practically the one that owned such a vibe anytime Kaeya even breathed near him for a second longer than necessary.

But being the one to witness it, to see you, the usual awkward, goofy sweetheart stare at another with such overbearing malice made him uneasy, caused his stomach to churn in ways he didn’t like, set him off in a way that was only reserved for the most chilling on moments.

Diluc wondered what exactly this stranger had done to warrant such a reaction from you.

“(Name)?” The redhead called, glancing around the many citizens of Mondstadt that watched the exchange with intrigue, guard and worry, eyes focused on the scene of this foreign stranger and fuming you, hand poised by your side with weapon particles dancing on your palm.

When Diluc finally made it over, his form seemed to curl protectively around you, hand landing on the small of your back delicately while keeping face with the person, eyes narrowed dangerously but still holding an air of civilness.

A true gentleman, even when you were close to merking some rando.

“Is there a problem?”

The stranger straightened immediately, backing up a few steps with their hands up in defence, sending Diluc a charming smile that the man could see through crystal clear.

“No problem, no problem at all” They glanced back at you, seemingly friendly despite his partner’s obvious ill intent that radiated off you in waves “Isn’t that right, (Name)?”

Diluc saw you tense up once again, the buzz from your Vision rising in volume with your obvious anger as you tightened your first, ready to just screw your weapon and go for the throat.

“If that is the case” The noble’s hand softly pressed against your back, gently but coaxing, knowing that conflict in the middle of the town centre would just bring the knights to meddle in affairs that they had no business attending “Then we shall be going”

“There’s no need to leave, after all, my sibling and I were just chatting”

He paused, shouldering a questioning glance your way but at the sight of your unruly expression, he pushed down his enquiries and once again began coaxing you away from the scene. Angel’s Share had already been open for a while, meaning the usual folk would already be settled in, but the storage room was sure to be a good place to chat and to calm you down, all he needed to do was get you away.

“We already had plans” The side glance had the stranger- your sibling, biting their tongue, brows furrowing in a known annoyance as the two of you began your way towards the pub, you still vibrating in anger. “Good day to you”

The two of you had made it a few feet when they called out once again “Don’t worry, (Name), I’ll see you again real soon”

Diluc’s arm tightened around you faster than you could react, tugging you away quickly “Diluc-”

“No, (Name)”

“Stay out-”

“Not here” Sharing a look, he softened at the shine in your eyes. “You’ll just attract the knights' attention”

You didn’t care, no, not one bit. If the knights had dared to interfere at that moment, they too would have been caught up in your blinded revenge, thrown aside or slashed down without single care just to finally eradicate the bane of your existence and you didn’t care about what consequences you brought about, you just didn’t and you made sure to tell Diluc that, as soon as you had the privacy of Angel’s Share’s storeroom, pacing up and down while he stood off to the side against the wall, watching silently.

“You had no right to get in my way!” You snapped, voice shaking from the pure emotions you were releasing “I finally had my chance, I was finally going to do it! They deserve to end by my hand, by my decision, after the years of torture they put me through! They deserved it! And you got in my way! How could you get in my way! I-”

Pushing off the wall, he slowly advanced towards you, carefully, hands out like he was approaching a wounded animal.

“I understand you’re upset-”

“I’m not upset!” You cried at him, stopping mid-step before dropping your head and tightly, grabbing your hair in your hands “I’m not upset! I’m angry! I’m so fucking angry! And I deserve to be fucking angry! I-”

The sob ripped through your throat despite you trying to hold it back, tears finally gathering in your eyes and rapidly falling down your cheeks “You should have let me kill them! I should have had the chance to rid the world of their evil! It’s not fair! It’s not- it’s not fair, I-”

You didn’t bother to fight him when his arms finally wrapped around you, just fell against him as you wept. The pent up rage, fear and sadness from years of repression taking its toll as you cried, your partner whispering sweet words as he raked his hand through your hair gently and leaned his head against yours.

“I’m sorry” His hand held your cheek fondly, ruby red staring back into your own eyes with a softness that made you melt “I didn’t know this meant so much to you, but if you’re willing to tell me, I’ll listen. I’ll always listen”

With another choked sob, you leaned into his hold “Please just hold me for now”

And he did just that.

Kaeya

The captain had promised to meet you at his office, a simple task really but with the lingering presence of Jean and the words ‘There’s so much work that needs to be done’ leaving her lips he bolted, hoping to catch you by the Guild and drag you to Angel Share for your date. It wasn’t that he didn’t want to help her, it was just he had already promised you this night and Eula could have always taken his place with paperwork, her threat of “vengeance” as she liked to call it could wait for another day.

It was also due to the fact he had no intentions of filing any paperwork for as long as he could avoid it, but that was his secret to be kept.

Being the perspective man he was, he could tell straight away he had walked into something tense, surveying the surrounding people of Mondstadt who looked on in concern, the unbridled rage upon your face, the obviously intimidating lean that the stranger held over you- something was wrong and he knew he had to put a stop to it.

“(Name)?” You glanced for a single moment before your furious glare had returned to the stranger, another flag waving right in his face as he approached, “My dear? Who might this be?”

Before you could snap, lip curling in disgust, the stranger stood back to their full height, switching quickly with a fake charming smile that practically mirrored his own, holding out their hand towards him “(S/N) (Last), (Name)’s older sibling. it’s nice to meet you”

Kaeya’s smile widened and despite the glare from you that was now focused on him, he shook your sibling's hand in-kind “Kaeya Alberich, (Name)’s partner-”

He made sure to tighten his grip with his last words “And Cavalry Captain of the Knights of Favonius”

Successfully, as he always was, Kaeya held back the smug, mocking grin that itched to climb onto his face when the neck of your sibling bobbed nervously, forehead reflecting the afternoon light as sweat gathered on their brow.

The man hadn’t obviously threatened them, surely, Kaeya was smarter than that, but then again, he could still present himself as a threat, a good one and well, his title was a menacing one when it came to the right moment. ‘Try anything and not only do I have the authority to kick your arse but the power to put you in a place many didn’t dare even step’ shortened into an innocent sentence with only 8 words.

“Cavalry Captain? That’s quite impressive” They laughed off, tugging away their hand awkwardly when Kaeya continued to keep a firm grip, his present eye focused solely on your siblings face. They glanced over to you “Quite an achievement for you, aye (Name)?”

You growled, “I’ll show you an achievement-”

Kaeya’s arm had wrapped around your waist not a second later, tugging you tighter to his side as the two of you turned, the man throwing your sibling a smile over his shoulder.

“As nice as it was to meet you, (S/B), we must be going”

And then without another word Kaeya dragged you away, heading in the direction of your home instead of Angel Share tavern, feeling your pure, unfiltered anger the whole way along with the citizens as they parted ways, rushing off from your rage.

It was only when you had returned to the sanctuary of your abode did you snap, jerking away from your boyfriend with angered strides and beginning your seething lecture towards him, moving up and down through the living room while he ventured off into the kitchen, grabbing 2 glasses and a bottle of wine.

“How dare you Kaeya! How fucking dare you! Do you have any idea what you were doing back there!? What was even happening back there!? So much for being the most observant man in Mondstadt because you seemed pretty dense to me the whole fucking time!” Your hands raked through your hair as you yelled, trying so hard to hold back the tears “I didn’t need your damn help, Kaeya! Nor did I fucking want it! Know to stay out of someone's business when it isn’t wanted!”

Logically you knew what he had done, you were smart like that and you knew Kaeya long enough to know what he was doing but your rage, fear and sadness blocked out everything in that moment, made you blind to reality, made you only think irrationally and Kaeya didn’t blame you for that. He could never blame you for that.

Though, it did hurt him to see you in this state.

“Wine?”

You gawked at him for a moment, staring at him with shock and confusion as he held out a wine glass towards you, another held in his other hand and a sweet smile plastered on his face, before your moment morphed into rage, grabbing the drink from his hand and tossing it towards the wall, the red wine splattering over the wallpaper and glass shards falling to the floor.

“Well, that was a waste-”

“Do you think I’m an idiot, Kaeya!?” You cried, not even bothering to hold back anymore as the tears fell and your voice cracked, hand pointing accusingly in his face “Is this some kind of joke to you!? Huh!? Am I a fool in your eyes!? Some sort of blubbering idiot!? Why must you- why do you-”

The second glass was placed on the dresser by you both, Kaeya’s hand coming to hold your cheek fondly while the other came to grab your hand that dangled in the air, still poised at him “I don’t think you're either of those, my dear, in fact, I think you’re one of the brightest in the whole of Teyvat, nevermind Mondstadt”

You hiccuped “Then why-”

Brushing away the wetness from your cheek, he brought your hand to his mouth to place a fond kiss on your palm “Because you mustn’t cry, (Name), don’t waste your tears on someone like them”

“I’m not crying, I’m-”

He shushed you gently and you finally relaxed, falling into his embrace with a heavy heart “-I’m not, I swear-”

Within the familiarity of your home, you wept in his arms, exhausted from the whirlwind of emotions and the scenes that had transpired that day, ready to just curl into yourself and try to block the flooding memories of history. Although, having Kaeya at that moment helped more than he could ever know, having him to rely on made it all so much easier to cope with that day.

“Tell me what ails you and I’ll listen” Brushing back some hair, he pressed a kiss to your head.

“Can..can we just stay like this for a while?”

“Of course, my dear”

Zhongli

He had sensed the incoming danger like it had been revealed in some sort of premonition. Maybe it had been a skill he had acquired after his long, eventful life, maybe it was his connection to Liyue and his citizens, but for some reason, as he sat before Iron Tongue Tian as the man recalled his tales of ancient Liyue like usual, Zhongli knew that the crowd that was forming around Wamin Restaurant had something that he need urgently attend, especially when even Tian paused his story to glance around the corner of the restaurant building to see the commotion.

When the archon had finally borne witness to the scene, he paused within the crowd, surveying the surroundings carefully. You were the centre of attention, along with another stranger, both glaring at one another with anger and disgust, though your own anger seemed to double compared to the other’s, seeing as your weapon was slowly materialising in your grip. Zhongli could also see Guild Master Lan making her way down the steps leading to the Guild reception, a worried expression on her face glancing between you and the approaching Millelith.

Zhongli made his decision, politely pushing through the crowd until he had finally made it by your side, hand being placed gently on your arm “(Name)?”

Both you and the stranger glanced at him, but he paid no mind to them, only held eye contact with you when Lan appeared by your other side, glaring at the stranger with a hardened gaze.

“Are you harassing my guild member?”

Before the stranger could respond, the Millelith had also popped in, glancing between you and them “Is there a problem?”

Zhongli had taken up your view when Lan began her take, she had borne witness for much longer than he had of course and he was certain that you were in no state to talk to the guards. Your eyes were glazed with hatred, pupils pinpricks in a sea of (E/C) and your hands were shaking, balled into fists.

If anything, he needed to try and calm you down first.

“Get the hell out of my way, Zhongli” Your teeth ground together, words shaking with anger “Don’t push yourself into my business”

“I’m sorry, my love, but I can’t do that” He tried brushing your cheek but you jerked away, glaring at his hand before glaring back at him, in no mood to be coddled “I don’t want you to do something you’d regret”

“Trust me, I won’t regret this one bit”

Zhongli held his tongue for the question that almost rolled out, knowing now wasn’t the time for inquiries when the stranger’s voice rang out, condescending and snarky as they addressed you.

“Still need people to protect you, aye (Name)? Of course, you’re still the same pathetic bitch from years ago”

You were lucky for your reputation around Liyue, for the picture of the kind and caring adventurer that had swept through the town from your years of living here because had it not been for that, you pushing aside your boyfriend and materialising your weapon to aim it at your sibling’s throat would have had you in cuffs that instant.

Lan grabbed you, tugging you away as you screamed “I’ll show you pathetic you fucker! Let me go!”

The Millelith didn’t wait to drag your sibling away, much to their cries of dismay, one sending Lan a nod while you continued to fight against her, crying out in frustration.

“Kid, you have to calm down-”

“Calm down!? No! Get the hell off me!”

Zhongli watched as you finally broke away, huffing and puffing up a storm before glancing amongst the crowd, staring at their worried and concerned faces, your own eyes tearing up before you looked away pushing past the crowd to find somewhere to be alone.

When Lan went to call out for you, Zhongli raised his hand, the two sharing a look before the archon made his way after you, his longer legs keeping a steady pace to which he could catch up to you, just beyond the bridge that led into Liyue Harbour. There were no people where you stood, just the lush green plants and great mountains of nature, a perfect place for you to let out your frustration without the prying eyes of the citizens.

“(Name)-”

“Leave me alone!” You cried, curling into yourself with your back turned to him “I don’t want you here, Zhongli! Nor did I want you back there! I didn’t need your or anyone else's help!”

You knew he was here from a place of concern, and deep down you begged that your words didn’t harm him in any way, but currently, you didn’t care, you didn’t want to care, you just wanted to be numb, numb to the flashbacks of your horrid past and numb to the feelings that were dragged along with them.

“My love, please, return with me to our home, I will brew some calming tea-”

“Tea? Tea!? Does it look like I want any fucking tea?! I couldn’t care any less about some fucking tea, Zhongli!” Spinning around on your heels, you scowled at him, not bothering to hide your rushing tears “Don’t you get it!? I want to be left alone, I-”

Two gloved hands gently encased your face, your angered expression morphing into one of shock as your partner stared down at you with glowing eyes filled with a deep-rooted love, affection, worry and so much more that you couldn’t put into mere mortal words. At that moment, everything felt as if it had melted away, only you and him were in this world, nothing else, just the two of you.

And you felt as though your heart had been lifted from the pressures of this life.

“I do not think it is best for you to be left alone” His baritone voice was always so calming, so serene and in your sane moment, you finally felt its effects “I wish to stay with you, so please, let me stay”

With a whimper, you grabbed onto his forearms and leaned your face into his hands, tears continuing to fall as your eyes fluttered shut “Okay…”

“They have hurt you deeply, haven’t they?”

Hesitantly, you nodded.

“Would you be so kind as to tell me the details?”

“I-...” Sharing eye contact once again, you whispered “Can- can you just...hold me for now? Please”

Moving his hands from your face, he engulfed you in his arms, leaning his head against yours “Of course”

Childe

The Harbinger had just left the Northland Bank, hell, he was just about to make his way down the spiral staircase but when hearing the commotion, he paused, something in his gut telling him to check just before and he was glad he did.

Glancing over the elevated walkway, he felt a fiery pit roar in the depths of his stomach, eyes narrowing dangerously at the scene; you were snarling in some other person’s face, their own face nothing short of disgust and a crowd that only seemed to grow by the minute.

Who the hell did this person think they were? Did they even know who you were? To stand so close to you, with a look of threat on their face like you weren’t about to kick their arse? Like he wasn’t about to kick their arse? How did this insignificant speck of dross not know your connections with him, the 11th Harbinger? Or did he know and was just trying his luck?

“Seems like someone has a death wish” And a death wish they had indeed.

Ignoring the perplexed glance from his subordinate stationed outside the building's entrance, Childe made his way down the steps, murderous look stitched on the whole way to the circle of civilians, the mass parting ways for the man that was Tartaglia and continuing to watch the moment in silence.

“Who the hell are you-” You both turned towards him, you in shock while the stranger stared in confusion until Childe’s hand wrapped around their collar, tugging them closer to look down at them with a deep-rooted disgust “-And why the hell are you harassing my partner?”

They fought against him, obviously, they did, but the surprise came when you saddled up next to him, grabbing his arm “Stay out of this, Tartaglia”

What? It hadn't been your request, no, you were always one to finish your whole fights you weren't "A damsel in distress after all!" no, you were so much more, so much greater but that look on your face, murderous and downright cruel- he just couldn't believe his ears.

Childe stared at you in shock while the stranger struggled, throwing him a dirty look in their attempts “Yeah, this is between my sibling and I”

Childe straightened in surprise, feeling embarrassment flood his system. Had he seriously just grabbed and threatened his lover’s family member? Oh, Archons, his judgement had been clouded by anger at the look of the scene, I mean, why would your sibling look at you that way-

“But it’s really no surprise that you still need to be babied, (Name), how shameful”

His eyes widened but not a moment later had you tackled your sibling, the crowd crying out in alarm as you threw back your fist and crushed their nose under the weight of your punch. “I’ll show you fucking shameful, bastard!”

There was shouting and a glance showed the oncoming Millelith marching towards the circle.

Being Fatui always did garner the attention of the guards nowadays, especially for him, who had tried to lure out the attention of their Archon by summoning an ancient god that nearly drowned the entirety of the harbour, so it was no surprise that they seemed to hurry in the pursuit when they noticed his appearance at the scene. However, lucky for him, your reputation as a great adventurer preceded you and throughout Liyue you were seen as a trusted and well-liked individual, meaning whatever trouble you got in, containing his meddling or not, was usually waved away due to the trust of the people.

So, without another thought, Childe tugged you off of your bloodied sibling and held you close, even as you thrashed violently, shouting at him to let you go.

“What is going on here?” A guard called, slamming the hilt of his polearm into the ground as he surveyed the area, eyes landing on the sibling before following the small trail of blood to you, still fighting against your boyfriend with threats falling from your lips “Was there a reason for this brawl? Who started it?”

As your sibling raised themselves on their forearms, they scowled and opened their mouth to respond, only for Childe to put in. “It was them, sir, they were the one that started it, (Name) was merely acting in self-defence”

The Millelith scowled at him, raising a brow and once again looking you over “Is that so?”

He addressed the crowd soon after “Is this what happened?”

And as expected, they all glanced over the sibling, then to you and piped up in agreement. It paid to be a hero, it seemed, the whole harbour returning the favour of years of helping out the community.

“If that’s the case, please come with us” The sibling cried out, anger and fear laced into their voice, trying to argue for their innocence only for the guards to grab them, hauling them away to archons know where while Childe did the same with you, slowly dragging you away from the scene and back into the bank, you screaming and cursing the whole way until you had made it to his office, finally managing to push him off and storming to the opposite side of the room practically seething.

“Who the hell do you think you are, Tartaglia!?” You cried, throwing out your arms in exaggeration “I didn’t need your fucking help! And why the fuck would you pull me off them!? I had them right where I wanted them and you fucking did that! Are you a moron!?”

“You had a sibling” He breathed, watching as you began to pace, muttering in an angered state “And you didn’t tell me”

“-after all these years I finally had the chance to end their pathetic excuse of a life and you just got in my fucking way! I’d waited too long for this moment and you fucking ruined it! How dare you, how fucking dare you-”

“(Name), why didn’t you tell me you had a sibling!?” He cried, walking up to you and grabbing your wrist to stop you “I was ready to kill them right there! And why are you talking about them like this!? They’re your family aren’t they-”

“They are not my fucking family!”

The scream echoed through the room, chilling Childe to the core as you ripped your arm from his grasp, running your hands through your hair before gripping it so tightly it felt close to being ripped from your head. But you didn’t care, no, you couldn’t, you were so angry and you needed something to keep you grounded, to keep yourself from losing yourself and getting lost in those haunting past memories.

The Harbinger felt his chest squeeze painfully as the tears fell down your face, red rimming your eyes and cheeks wet as you sobbed, chest heaving from trying to breathe “Family takes care of you! Family thinks of you in the highest light possible! They love you for who you are and they love you no matter what! That bastard hurt me, made me feel worthless and they refuse to believe they could do no wrong and I hate them! They are the bane of my existence! They are not my fucking family! I hate them, I hate them, I hate them, I-”

Arms were around you instantly, Childe’s face pressed into your hair as you wept, grasping onto the lapels of his suit and shoving your face into his chest to muffle your cries.

“I’m sorry” He whispered, his own eyes shining slightly “I’m sorry, I was being insensitive. Please, don’t cry”

“No, I’m not crying, I promised myself I wouldn’t-” You hiccuped “I wouldn’t waste any more tears on them-”

Then you broke off into more wails, your boyfriend holding you close and letting you continue to cry in his arms, warm and comforting until you were finally reduced to whimpers, leaning into him heavily as the remaining adrenaline in your body began to wear thin when he pressed a kiss to your forehead.

“Will...will you tell me about it?”

You sniffed “Later...just hold me for now, please, Ajax...”

His arms tightened protectively “Anything for you, my love”

#genshin impact #genshin impact x reader #genshin impact imagines #genshin impact imagine #genshin impact diluc #genshin impact diluc x reader #diluc x reader #genshin impact kaeya #genshin impact kaeya x reader #kaeya x reader #genshin impact zhongli #genshin impact zhongli x reader #zhongli x reader #genshin impact childe #genshin impact childe x reader #childe x reader #genshin impact tartaglia #genshin impact tartaglia x reader #tartaglia x reader

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narrators-journal · 3 years

Note

Can I request yandere platonic adult trio? It doesn’t have to be long or anything just a general blurb on how they act with a reader who’s Gon and Killua’s age or maybe younger.

Alright, so I'm kinda rusty at writing for hunter x hunter, as it's not a hyper-fixation as much anymore, so forgive the issues with this. It was actually really fun to return to these boyos after so long! And while I'm not likely to write unprompted content, I'll always answer asks!

Illumi Zoldyck

When he discovered Killua had a friend, it was a bother. His brother was supposed to be an assassin, a remorseless monster, so Gon was a disgusting obstacle. However, when he got a second friend around his age, Illumi decided to take some advice from Hisoka and try to cordially get to know this new friend to maybe warm Killua back up to him. It had been a while since his last run-in with his brother, so at minimum he could see Killua again, at the max, he'd be able to show his youngest sibling that he'd grown.

To his surprise, you proved to be quite the easy kid to befriend, after he'd dispelled the bad reputation his brother had painted him with. On top of that, you were somewhat similar to the dead-eyed assassin's younger siblings, so he found himself wanting to protect and guide you like he had them. Of course, Killua did not really like that he'd taken an interest in you at all, but Illumi tried to take the high road and maybe communicate reasonably to his baby brother that he meant you minimal harm and just wanted to show him that he was actually trying. The lightning-patterned scar the man now had proved how far he had to go to hone those skills.

Despite Killua's trying to keep him away, Illumi continued to bond with you and lurk around to keep a close eye on you. A few times, he tried to gently lead you away from dangerous decisions or scenarios, but when he saw how infuriated that made his baby brother, he decided to not try so hard. He still wanted to show his sibling that he was willing to allow him friends and a life outside of the Zoldycks, but he now found himself seeing you more and more like a sibling, and in turn wanting to protect you like he did his other baby siblings. Even those who were hostile lightning-gods-in-the-making.

Hisoka

Hisoka's attachment to you didn't start off as 'wholesome' as Illumi's. He'd met you when he'd run into Gon again, and you'd piqued his interest the moment you managed to land a hit on him in the following spar. After that, you became a new plaything to him, just like Gon or Killua was, some potential-filled fruit for him to wait until ripe. However, you surprised him when you showed interest in his skills. That was definitely new.

So, just for a change of pace and to help you grow to an interesting level, Hisoka offered you little bits of training whenever you and the others ran into him and a fight was had. It ended up being quite fun for him, to have a hand in your growth, to watch your progress, to be able to shape you into the best possible toy for him. But, as more time passed, the magician found that...maybe he didn't want to kill you. In fact, he found that he didn't exactly like when others tried either.

After all, you were his pupil, his apprentice now, whether you knew that or not, and how could he see your full potential reached if you were killed? So, he occasionally popped up to keep an eye you without openly confronting you, keeping you safe whenever he was around to do so. It became a shockingly fun challenge to try and find you.

Chrollo

Chrollo had no interest in Gon and Killua's little group beyond their first few encounters. However, when he'd found Kurapika was a Kurta, he did keep a vague eye on the group, maybe sending a few goons to try and get the lone survivor, or give Gon and Killua another offer to join his troupe. So, when you joined their little found family, he of course noticed. It was quite the interesting addition, and he, naturally, picked up the observations to learn as much as he could about you.

As he kept an eye on you to gather intel about any possible new threat to him, he found that your power would be quite useful for his group. So, like any good business man, he began doing what he could to maybe convince you to join the spiders. Kurapika proved to be quite the thorn in this plan, but Chrollo was not so easily dissuaded. Especially not when someone has such an intriguing and useful power.

However, Kurapika, Gon, and Killua weren't the only obstacles to get through. With a power like yours, other villains naturally took notice, which Chrollo was not a fan of. If anyone was to ensnare you into a life of crime, it would be him, he'd already decided that you were a prime, nonnegotiable addition to the spiders. He didn't mind if that took a few years, in that time you'd only grow stronger after all, and he could take the last Kurta and Killua being a headache, he'd already adapted to deal with them with minimal deaths to his side, but he wasn't going to let some other low-level nasty take advantage of your power.

#hxh #hunter x hunter #chrollo lucilfer #illumi zoldyck #hisoka morow #yandere #platonic yandere #ask

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retvenkos · 3 years

Text

“would it be terribly cheesy if i said ‘it was always you’?”

requested by @biqherosix STRAP IN, FOLKS, BECAUSE TODAY WE ARE TAKING A LOOK AT WHAT IT WOULD BE LIKE FOR EJ CASWELL TO HAVE A CRUSH ON A NORTH HIGH STUDENT...

so first of all, you and ej knew each other long before you ran into each other in high school. because, you see, you went to junior high together, and in those days, both you and ej were on dance company

(you can pry dance company! ej from my cold, dead fingers)

you were arguably the better dancer, and seventh grade ej really wanted to prove himself. a baby competition sprouted between the two of you, but it was nothing big.

you both liked to show off in order to taunt the other, and you both got a kick out of trying to one up each other.

but at the same time, you were teammates. you did everything together.

so the bond between you and ej was strong. it was a competition, yes, but it was friendly competition and you both actually hyped each other a lot.

plus, dance company does a lot of things as a group, so it was unavoidable. you were going to end up liking each other at some point. luckily, it happened sooner rather than later, and the two of you built up a nice rapport with one another - a closeness forged in friendly competition and last minute studying parties.

but all that changed when you went to north high and ej went to east high

now, since north high is completely fictional, i get to create the dynamic between the schools, so listen up everyone!

north high clearly has the better arts department, and they also have the better tennis and softball team.

east high has the better stem department as well as a better swim team and any other swim related sports.

west high has the better sport teams overall - basketball, football, volleyball, etc.

(that's why we never see any uber jocks at east high—)

now, clearly you have your boundary school, but people get on special permit all the time, and when you say you’re going to north high ej is like ???? but why ???

“they have a better arts department, ej, you know that!”

“well, yeah, but east high is the best. we always said we were going to be wildcats!”

“ej.... they’re actually leopards.”

it wasn’t a super emotional goodbye. you promised to stay in touch, and it wasn’t like it was hard. you still saw each other around the mall, you still followed each other on instagram and what not but.... time just got between you.

you slowly stop texting, you see each other less, when you see each other in public you do that thing where you give a smile but then don’t go over to say hi, because you’re wrapped up in other people. it’s not pointed things, you just... stop talking.

and you still like each others photos on instagram but you’re just... there.

all of that changes, however, when carlos asks you to help him choreograph hsm.

at the time, the rivalry between schools wasn’t big, it was just a low simmer, and the reason carlos approached you was because once upon a time, you, ej, and him had all been in dance company together for one (1) year (it all comes full cIRCLE) and for one of your performances, you had done something hsm related.

carlos wanted to know if you remembered the routine and could help him come up with something slightly more advanced.

and while you and carlos hadn’t really kept up with one another, he jokingly brought up a time where he did something for you, and how you always said you’d pay him back one day and maybe now it was time to cash it in??

you decided why not? you’ve done a lot of stuff for north high’s dance company, but you’ve never helped out in a musical before (and as you can imagine, north high is very competitive in their arts)

so you joined the hsm cast as co-choreographer.

now, because you had your own north high dance company stuff to deal with, you end up missing a lot of rehearsals. you mostly brainstorm with carlos and add tweaks to the choreo. carlos is the one to really ~teach~ things.

which means that while you are present for ~the drama~ that was ej-nini-ricky, you actually miss a lot of it. you feel the tension, but exactly why it’s Like That is beyond you.

you tried to ask carlos once but he said he wasn’t going to get into that, thank you.

and honestly, you have competitions to keep up with, so you’re not fixated on it. you’re just hoping that they’re not still pissed at each other on opening night, when ej has to strap ricky in for “getcha head in the game”

and while you’ve chatted with ej a couple of times, you haven’t had much time to catch up.

you actually bond a lot with gina, who is on the same level as you in terms of dance. you end up talking and mention how ej was once on dance company, and that rocks her world because ej???

and that’s when you show her all of the old videos you archived on your instagram from your junior high days. carlos, ej, and you all in dance company. they’re precious.

and when ej’s friendships are strained and he doesn’t have anyone to turn to, he sees you and gina laughing and crowding over your phone, and he comes to say hi.

and thus, the friendship begins again.

it is, of course, slow going because so much time has come between you, and gina and carlos (the two you hang with the most) are not on great terms with ej, but you guys grow really close all over again. ej is glad to have another senior to talk to about college, and you’re glad you have an old friend to talk to because it’s easy to feel out of place in this school that isn’t yours.

and on opening night, you know ej gifts you something - maybe it’s a jacket or beanie with the wildcats emblem on it.

“it’s kinda stupid, but we always said we were going to be wildcats together, and we did it.”

“huh, i guess we did.”

and for some reason, you chest is really warm, and you can feel the heat sneak up to your cheeks.

“this is really sweet, ej.”

“well, you know me.”

“yeah, i guess i do.”

and then it’s his cue to get ready to go on stage.

“oh! and there should be another surprise coming, don’t hate me for not telling you!”

and you’re ??? but it turns out to be gina.

you all clearly go to denny's afterward to celebrate, and if ej feels his heart seize in his chest everytime you laugh or steal one of gina’s fries, it’s not an unfamiliar feeling. because really, it had always been like that, with you. you never cease to amaze him.

and once you’re on the east high theatre group chat, you never get taken off of it, so you know everything that’s going on with your theatre buddies, after hsm has finished.

and this is where a conflict of interest really comes in...

because, you see, once hsm is a hit, some of the theatre kids at north high think you’re a traitor. you gave east high their secrets, and now east high is an actual contender. uncool, (y/n).

so you kind of get iced out by a lot of north high kids. like i said. competition there is s t e e p and you’ve been accused of fraternizing with the enemy..

but when zach roy shows up and he hears about the drama surrounding one (y/n) (l/n), he gets an idea... so he approaches you one day after dance company practice...

“he asked you to do wHAT?”

you’re texting ej, carlos, and gina in a group chat

“he asked me to co-choreograph their show.”

“are you going to do it?” - carlos

“of course they are! do you think opportunities like this just fall out of the sky?” - gina

“i don’t know, though, i feel like he’s working some angle with me. there’s something about him that doesn’t feel genuine.”

“it’s those piercing blue eyes.” - carlos

“i have piercing blue eyes!”

“and you’ve never done anything underhanded?” - gina

“we did that together!”

“what should i do?”

“accept, clearly!” - gina

“i’d be careful, if i were you. miss jenn doesn’t trust him for a reason.” - carlos

“it’s up to you, (y/n). you’ll do great, and it’s a great opportunity.”

“but?”

and everyone can feel the pause - the conflict where ej doesn’t know what to say.

“but nothing! this is a HUGE opportunity! he’s dancer extraordinaire derek hough zach roy! i’d be the villain of your eventual documentary if i were to try to hold you back.”

“okay... i think i’ll do it. you know how competitive things are, here. this could really give me a boost.”

“hell yeah, (y/n)!” - gina

“spy on their production for us?” - carlos

“anything for you <3″

i imagine you clash a lot with lily, but you actually become really good friends with howie and antoine. but that’s beside the point.

and while things are on good terms at first, your bond with your wildcats stays strong, and you’re carving out a place in north high rehearsals, lily is quick to find out that you’re on the east high group chat.

and because this is hsmtmts, i get to have some fun with this premise.

lily gets some kind of tech nerd on her side, and she gets him to make it so that somehow, the text that you get from the theatre group also send to her phone, for maximum stalking of the competition. that’s how she always gets one step ahead of east high.

and as north high seemingly continues to have insider info on east high, someone suspects there’s a leak.... which leads to you. who else has access to north high? so they send a fake text and wait to see if north high takes the bait.

they do. so now east high thinks it’s you.

but at this same time, you keep noticing that suspiciously, whenever you get a text from east high theatre department, lily’s phone goes off to. literally at the same moment, you’re doing your own test to see if somehow she hacked your phone.

(you had your suspicions because lily is actually terribly bad at hiding her hand and constantly makes remarks that make you Think™.)

you confirm lily to have hacked your phone, and so you go old school and show up to east high, hoping to tell them what happened and find some fix (since east high is the mother of all tech schools in this universe.)

but when you walk into the auditorium, the cast is being really passive aggressive toward you? and you’re so confused? what happened?

of course, ricky is the only to confront you because these days, it seems like he’s always one (1) moment away from blowing up.

and you explain that you were played just as much as they were - it was never your intention to betray them. east high is your family.

“oh, yeah? i’ve never known an east high leopard to go to north high.”

and so now we’re in shambles! we’re divided!

you leave, upset, and ej catches you in the hall. he tries to explain that ricky’s been on one, recently, that none of his anger was really meant for you, and that he believes you - truly. he knows you’re the last person to ever betray them. you’re not like that. that’s more him than it is you.

and you just give him the world’s biggest h u g .

now you’re probably wondering why i insisted on this particular plot line, but let me tell you - ej never really understood completely what a complete breach of trust it was for him to steak nini’s phone and violate her privacy like that. now he can see how deeply it affects you - how it can really ruin people in ways you never intend. it’s about the learning curve.

anyway, it takes you a while to build up trust with east high again, but you say “hey, why don’t you guys continue to send false leads to this group chat? make another for yourselves, and continue to spread misinformation to me.

ej is like... do you really want to sabotage your own show? but you tell him something along the lines of “our show is still going to have superior choreography, lily is just going to waste her time doing pointless side missions. it has nothing to do with the quality of my work.”

and ej loves this competitive and devious side of you so much. but he’s also deathly terrified of telling you how much he cares about you, because he always manages to screw things up.

and gina finds hilariously endearing because of all people to be self conscious... ej caswell? the ej caswell? she would be his hype woman if she wasn’t so busy finding this all too Good to be true.

eventually, lily will find out, but when she confronts you and threatens to tell the cast that you’re the reason they’re so behind in their production, you tell her that to do that, she’d have to confess to stealing your phone, hacking into it, and using it to spy on you which breaks like 23 different school rules. but sure! tell everyone! you’d love to see how the principal reacts when you film it and show it to them on monday.

(this is getting really long, let me see if i can wrap it up, quick)

clearly, ej is an Idiot when he’s in love, and even though he’s deathly afraid of telling you his feelings, that doesn’t stop him from expressing them.

both of you are in your respective musicals, and your rehearsal schedules align really nicely, so a lot of the time, ej will drive up to north high afterward so he can give you a ride home. (you don’t have a car, okay?) you guys always stop to get fast food or a drink at starbucks or something, and you have little “dates” where ej parks the car and the two of you eat in his car, just chatting about your day.

or on weekends, you and ej go and drive up to the state college that ej was admitted to, and you walk around campus, trying to envision him there. and if you’re also going to a school nearby, you do the same for you. (bonus points if you’re going to the same college, so you walk around and pick out the places where you’ll chill together.)

and if these little excursions of yours are the highlight of your week, and all you want to do is hold ej’s hand forever, singing in the car with the windows down and driving into the sunset... well, you just hope that ej wants the same.

and since ej is in av club, and he’s really trying to dig in and figure out what his story is, he’s always got a camera of some kind out, and some of his best work, he swears, are pictures and videos of you.

anyway, at some point, you confess to ej that you have a crush on him (howie probably pushed you to do it because he was tired of seeing you pine).

it’s a weekend and the two of you are procrastinating on your respective school assignments (study sessions being interrupted with senioritis? sounds about right) so instead you’re just sitting on the floor, staring at the ceiling, talking about whatever. and i think it just slips out, and when you realize what you’ve said, you’re vvv embarrassed, and you don’t even want to look at see how ej reacts, but he calls your name and you turn to him, a deadly mixture of dread and hope rooted in your stomach and shaking you to your core, but ej is smiling and in his eyes is something brighter than the sun, and when he tells you he’s feels the same, it’s like that dread in your stomach blooms into pure joy and when he tells you he’s had a crush on you since you were eighth graders and you were a better dancer than him, you can’t help but laugh until all of that warmth in your stomach has escaped into the air and hangs around the two of you like low hanging stars - so close, you can reach out and touch them.

anyway, cue lots of sneaking around north high - not because it’s a secret but because it’s fun hiding in the back of the auditorium and sneaking into the empty dance room.

cue cheering for each other at the menkies and congratulating each other when east high gets best musical, and north high gets best choreography (amongst others).

cue going to denny’s to celebrate and laughing until your sides hurt, stealing each other’s fries, and holding hands under the table.

(also... ej 100% would kiss your fingers when your hands are intertwined and that’s truly a blessing)

cue going to pool parties together for no other reason than i want all of the east high kids to do an impromptu rendition of “all for one” and ej gets to hit ricky with one of those blow up beach balls “for revenge” on the basketball moment in season 1.

plus, a pool party would do wonders for destressing, don’t lie.

AND FLUFF ENSUES.

taglist: @maybanksslut, @theletterhart, @brokenandheadoverheels, @neelia-thedaughtherof-athena @kitsdeadwife, @amortensie // add yourself to the taglist here!

#hsmtmts #high school musical: the musical: the series #high school musical the musical the series #ej caswell #ej caswell x reader #ej caswell x you #ej caswell headcanons #reader insert #ej caswell imagine #imagine #headcanons #would include #fluff #long post #you know it's a long post if i added a read more to headcanons and it's still long without the read more #anyway my agenda includes loving ej caswell wbu?

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jiminrings · 3 years

Note

why do i feel like even if tae is the one who's injured AND caught between stem koo and senior oc's tension, jungkook would STILL be the one who's crying

cold senior!y/n x stem major!koo masterlist :D

there's fINALLY some sort of peace and redemption between them

taehyung has never been indirectly involved in a palpable situation like this

the last time he was involved in anything remotely close to this, it had something to do with his field trip in second grade

whew god that was a rEALLY pressuring experience for him

it was a split vote to whether they should go to a strawberry field or a newly-opened futuristic kid-friendly interactive dinosaur museum SLASH theme park!!!!!!!

then taehyung picked the strawberry farm that was about 70% dirt

tae's put into a situation again and he doesn't know how to act lmao

"y'okay sweetheart? what's your relation to them?" the kind nurse that's obviously the maternal figure of the emergency ward asks him as she assesses him, a bit of a queue before he could get his leg patched up

he is beyond glad that she asked :D

tae's here to get his leg casted and entertain himself for the meantime!!! his fun isn't exactly correlated to that brooding fucking stem nerd's definition of it!!!

taehyung points to you directly, a cheeky grin on his face as you tilt your head in alert from your seat beside him

"she's my girlfriend!"

you chuckle at his playfulness and even the nurse does so with how proud he sounded, about to scribble it down on her clipboard when someone clearly sounds panicked about it

"she's not his girlfriend," jungkook rises from his slouched position on his seat, wide eyes fixated on the nurse as he shakes his head, trying to make her believe him

it isn't true!!!! that's misinformation!!! that's a crime!!!!

tae snaps his fingers, solemnly shaking his head

"right, my bad!! the two of us aren't in a relationship. actually, the three-..."

god oW

jungkook can't help but whack the back of taehyung's head, their boundary from being semi-strangers in your year you see like twice a day now crossing into semi-friends who aren't reserved with each other jUST because of kook's smack

that's a silent understanding, basically

tae smacks jungkook right back, only stopping on bickering when you intentionally clang your watch on the bedframe to spook them, exiting from the curtain so you could talk with the nurse

being caught in the middle of things cOULD really be fun!!! tae should get involved more often

"so tHIS is why you were outside y/n's dorm when i gave yoongi the cookies!!"

"... you know?"

kook freezes at the possibility that for some way he can't think of, taehyung somehow knows what happened between the two of you

was that why he just hAPPENED to drop by cookies when he was talking with yoongi??

yeah uhm not really

"no. i just know that yoongi hung you out to dry," he snorts because as he recalls it, jungkook looked as pale as a ghost

he didn't really plan to arrive at that time either!!! taehyung just wanted to knock on your door and hopefully drop you his treats then he'll be off his way

he didn't exactly expect to walk in on yoongi looking like he's gonna deck jungkook if only he hadn't yelled out his senior's name

see? it's like the universe just wants taehyung to be at the right places at the wrong times in order for them to eventually fall into place

okay he kinda did take a major L for having his ankle busted but that only means that you and jungkook (even if he doesn't know anything) better make up!!!

“is it bad that i wanted yoongi to punch me that time?” jungkook wonders out loud and he almost wishes he hadn’t, getting an immediate reaction of agreement

“i’ll fill in for him!!” tae half-jokes, getting yet another smack to his shoulder and at that rate, they’d be brothers by tomorrow lmao

“anyways,” he sighs as he leans back to his pillow, keeping his foot elevated. technically, this isn’t his business at all, but what could he do?? he’s sort-of-involved now and jungkook looks like he’s gonna cry out of all people, “you just want yoongi to deck you because that’d absolve you of your guilt.”

kook sighs at that, gripping his hair to keep himself from crying

“but i already know i’m guilty. not only with yoongi, but y/n especially!!”

he whistles at that, getting a mental image with your fists balled because he’s hung around enough practices to photograph all of you for the school paper, knowing that you dO pack a lot of power

“so them decking you is the only way you would feel guiltless?”

jungkook shifts at that, murmuring his answer to the question he’s got thrown

“w-well getting my apology accepted by them would be much appreciated.”

taehyung practically spoon-feeds the answer jungkook need to hear, shrugging carelessly as he watches the boy’s turmoil

god what does he dO?? this is his first interaction with you ever since the incident and he doesn’t know how to act

of all places and scenarios, it just hAD to be in the hospital because stoopid taehyung here decided to run to you while in the rain

as if on cue do you return to the curtained area with a nurse, forms between your fingers

“time to get your x-ray done, tae,” you almost sing-song to him in cheer, being relieved that things were picking up faster than you intended it to

you pat him on the head in an attempt at affection, oblivious to the curious glances that jungkook gives you while he assists the nurse in transferring taehyung to the wheelchair

it’s not until the curtain closes again and taehyung’s gone that you move, hand outstretched to give something to jungkook

.... which is just his share of taehyung’s forms that he needed to fill out so you could get on faster

the two of you are sitting beside each other, chairs close but not exactly close, clipboard in hand and taehyung’s phone at the middle edge of the hospital bed so you could copy his information

jungkook kNOWS he should be focusing on writing tae’s blood type right now, but the spur of the moment nudges him on entirely

"i'm sorry. i'm so, so sorry."

he squeaks and he has to breathe out after that

well there it goes :-)

you knew that the day wouldn’t have finished without jungkook’s input, having avoided him long enough that you didn’t know what to feel

were you expecting an apology from him??? uhm not exactly

are you commending him for apologizing??? not at all!! thanking someone for apologizing over what they’ve done to you in the first place is just a new low

“i know i can’t take back what i said now, but i truly didn’t mean it. i-i was just so confused but — b-but i’m not making excuses!! what i did was beyond shitty of me.”

oh hold on a second

that’s the first time you heard jungkook cuss

you wring your hands as you try to absorb his apology as much as possible without feeling awkward

ok you’re not as good for tHIS type of confrontation

it’s not the first time you’ve been wronged but this is perhaps the first time someone owned up to their wrong and apologize for it face-to-face

,,,,,, and not just because yoongi gave them a piece of his mind

yoongi likes fighting battles for you at times, even if you don’t necessarily ask him to

you appreciate it, but you kNOW he did not get jungkook off the hook so easily!!!!

you honestly thought that with his temper, he would’ve punched jungkook even if it was gonna make you mad

“it’s totally up to you if you don’t want to forgive me, b-but i figured i could die trying, y’know? you can reject me a couple hundred times and i’ll retry a couple thousand.”

jungkook adds and it makes the corner of your mouth raise in the tiniest most miniscule way

he knows that not only does he need to apologize with words, he also nEEDS to make it up to you with his actions!!! that’s why he plans on-

you pause your writing on the form, the act of you doing so making him freeze all the same as you try to carry on with speaking as inaudible as possible

"well you know now. i like you, that was my fault," you offer in response to his apology, coughing when you realize your mistake. "i liked you, i mean."

ok he deserved that

jungkook knows you probably figured out the hyeji situation already through yoongi, cutting his explanations down because you don’t even wanna hear her name

was it the truth? do you really not like jungkook anymore?

....

......

.........

you simmer in the own silence you’ve created, only being broken when jungkook shyly murmurs

"can't you like me some more?"

you snort at what seemed to be his playful suggestion, chuckling to yourself

jungkook was only hALF-kidding and he bows his head in embarrassment over your reaction, the pen in his hand feeling extremely light with how his hand’s trembling

you resume your writing wordlessly, not even daring to look at your right because jungkook’s trying to make himself as small as possible too

the words are just dying to fall out from his mouth, an unhinged trap he could no longer regulate when it comes to you

"you're loveable. extremely loveable."

jungkook says out of nowhere and you falter at writing taehyung’s supposed food allergies, a quiet curiosity to your words

"how would you know that?"

there’s no thought process behind it as he speaks surely this time, only taking the slightest bit of courage to look at you from the corner of his eye

"because it's you."

,,,,,

HOW are you supposed to react to that,,,

the curtains peek open and a grinning taehyung on a wheelchair estatically waves his hand

you and jungkook split from each other even if you haven’t been that close enough immediately, thankful for the welcome interruption

tae outstretches his arms for you to hoist him up the bed and you agree instantly, oblivious to the fact that he’s sticking his tongue out to jungkook who’s giving him a mean glare for his playfulness

his x-rays are all finished and he’s just waiting for the doc to come and interpret them (even if it’s beyond obvious that his ankle’s broken!!!!) so he could get on with wrapping his leg with a cast

jungkook takes this as a chance to rise up from his seat, snatching the opportunities he can within the timeframe

"what do you guys want from the cafeteria?"

tae beams at that, grateful because fINALLY someone’s asked him

"ooh!! i want-"

"what would you like, y/n?"

jungkook continues as he effectively interrupts taehyung who’s squinting and looks beyond offended ay the moment

his motive is buying <3 you <3 dinner!! not mr. ankle-breaker over here

you catch on to what he’s trying to do immediately, rolling your eyes with a hint of amusement when you plop back to your chair

“i'll have what taehyung wants.”

huh....

so he has no choice then but to ask,.,.,

jungkook clears his throat, his lips curved to a smile but his eyes looking the furthest thing from friendly

"what would you like,,,, taehyung?"

the boy pretend to be deep in thought just to waste kook’s time even more, even throwing in the humming to sell the idea

he’s been humming for half a minute now

“pasta. i want pasta. like, the most expensive pasta they have,” he nods at the amazement he has for himself, sneaking a look to a narrow-eyed jungkook

“c’mon, kook. think about y/n. she’s getting what i’m getting!!”

jungkook’s eyes instantly become brighter, realization sweeping over his features as he tries to hurry because you might be hungry at this point

“right, of course!! i’ll even get dessert :D”

well wasn’t tHAT easy hee-hee

hey maybe getting your ankle busted does lead to better things!!!

jungkook’s never been more excited to pay for overpriced pasta in cash (!!!) and carry up multiple paper bags of food and drinks on the stairs because the elevator’s taking too long

he’s only slightly confused when he walks to your spot that taehyung wasn’t there, even kinda being relieved actually

tae was whisked away for the second and final time to have his leg wrapped up, leaving you and jungkook alone once again

“that looks expensive.”

you remark the moment you see the fancy paper bags, bringing your wallet out to atleast take out a few bills that you think would cover the cost for this hospital dinner

jungkook incessantly shakes his head no, instead making you sit in place so he could turn the area to be a cozy dinner place as best as he could

"i mean it. i'm gonna make it up to you, i swear."

he speaks sometime in the middle of your silent meal, waiting for the time that it’d feel more sincere and not a little forced

ya know he didn’t want to make it seem that buying overpriced dinners correspond to him making it up to you!!!!

"i know."

you answer truthfully because you might have saw this coming, knowing in the back of your head that you wouldn’t put put it past jungkook to be sincere

you hear a noise of surprise when you reply, jungkook immediately putting his hand inside the pocket of his hoodie to fish out something

“your eyedrops, by the way. i meant to give it back to you earlier.”

your eyes skim on the dainty-looking handmade origami box on jungkook’s palm, a fond look he could atleast distinguish

you take it from him nonetheless, unaware at the multiple layers you have yet to know inside said box

“i can always buy a new one.”

he shakes his head at that, scrunching his nose as he mindlessly pokes at the chicken

he thinks back to what he put inside that might’ve been the reason why he didn’t just buy you a new stock in the first place

“i like giving back.”

giving back as in returing feelings too or whatever maybe!!!!! just maybe

he waves you off when you thank him for giving it back, his next words becoming a little weighted on your mind

"open it up when you feel like it. it's up to you."

that was that then

okay maybe not

you’re almost finished with your dinner and you know that you’re about to come home anyway, getting a text from tae that he’s done being wrapped up and is just waiting for his reminders now

why not say what you want to anyway??

"thank you for the lunchbox yesterday, by the way."

jungkook’s the one who’s caught off-guard this time, choking on his rice briefly before questioning you wITHOUT looking pathetic

"h-how did you know it was me??"

your hand only skims to the right of him, having to slightly lean against him to get what you need

it’s tae's record that jungkook had to fill up

you’ve just realized it a little while ago when jungkook was downstairs buying from the cafeteria, the distinct way of how he writes his A’s and curves his Y’s being embedded into your mind

"because it's you."

#REDEMPTION ARC BABIEEEE FEEDBACK PLS AND THANK U WHAT DO YOU WANNA SEE NEXT UPDATE #stem koo #jungkook imagine #jungkook oneshot #jungkook oneshots #jungkook au #jungkook drabble #jungkook x reader #jungkook x y/n #jungkook fic #jungkook college au #jungkook fluff #jungkook angst

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dreamteamspace · 4 years

Text

MCYT subway au Part 3 because I’m a sucker for attention and the 2 ppl who made part 1 and 2 noticed me

Holiday Shift

- Everybody who works on the holiday gets double. Those that can’t work have to put their name on a list. Lowest entries and those that don’t enter need to work the shift. It’s Phil’s idea don’t ask

- George is the first to put his name there but Sapnap skribbles it out and makes sure everybody else gets their name in first. It’s his punishment for leaving Dream and him alone for rush hour when Karl was sick. Dream wasn’t all that mad but Sapnap Will Not let that shit slide

- Tommy gladly takes the oppertunity to not have to spend the entire day awkwardly hugging relatives and being told to keep their elbows off the table. Convinces Tubbo to join them, supposedly for the Money

- Dream: “So Karl did you put your name on the list yet?” Karl: “What list??”

- Shift staffing: George, Tubbo, Tommy and Karl

- George becomes the reluctant babysitter of what feels like three kids

- “Karl stop WASTING the bread we NEED THAT.”

- Tommy is told to go pull what they need for monday out of the freezer. Tubbo offers to come with him and holds his hand the entire time. They’re best friends your honor. Tommy promises Tubbo to make it up to him

- George does about 60% of the work on a four person shift. Swears to murder Sapnap on sight. Probably slaps a pastry in his face later

Promotion pt. 4: Taking Over

- Tommy begs Techno to join in support of Wilbur. Techno reluctantly agrees because he can’t really say no to Tommy and because he doesn’t really want to become manager anyway (too much paperwork and he’s fixating on the origins of vedgetables)

- Tommy now adds #WilburForManager to his pogway stickers. Wilbur is also reluctantly Growing Soft in face of Tommy’s undying support

- Nobody knows why, but Quackity has the unspoken ability to make Schlatt give him sick leave or remove him from shift?? All Quackity has to do is point to his phone and give Schlatt a smug Look.

- Ppl are suspicious but really Quackity just has a video of Schlatt kissing a baby kitten in the face and talking to it in a high pitched soft voice

- Wilbur needs to visit extended family and leaves for 2 weeks. The day before he leaves is surprisingly light-hearted and Wilbur admits that Schlatt isn’t the worst manager imaginable. He lets them waste things sometimes and has yet to give anybody a cut for not showing up to a shift

- Dream can’t openly go against Schlatt, silently wishing he’d just put the milk in The Right Spot before his shift. But no. It never is. It’s always somewhere else. Always.

- Schlatt continues to place things in slightly different places than they belong and following his whim more than the rules. One time he didn’t order the dark chocolate cakes they sell because “Who likes those anyway”

- Phil is there more often to make sure Wilbur’s work is covered. The war continues to rage in stolen glares and misplaced ingredients.

- Bad and Skeppy are slowly genuinely growing concerned, watching the whole thing go down like a movie.

Promotion pt. 5: Adopted On Sight

- Schlatt tells Tubbo he’s doing great One Time because he literally saved Schlatt’s ass from being fired for the whole cakes thing by biking it to the nearest store that sells them and getting some

- Tubbo will now follow Schlatt around to ask him how he’s doing, if he did everything right, if he needs any help, how his morning went so far

- Schlatt does Not Know how to handle Tubbo and suddenly wishes for Wilbur to just Come Back and Take His Kid. Tubbo wishes him a good morning and good night every single day. How is he supposed to keep up his tough old man appearance like this

- Tommy is still on Wilbur’s side and purposefully makes Schlatt’s life just a little more difficult. Small pranks. Stickers on the cakes, wasting them. Writing #TommySupremacy on the sandwhich wraps with markers while nobody is looking. Taking 4 chairs to the back to stack them on top of eachother and stand on them to reach the ceiling. Being the teenager he is.

- Tubbo think it’s funny and that’s the main thing keeping him going really

- Schlatt confronts Tommy but with no results. He turns to Phil to ask him what to do and Phil is like, you don’t do anything. That’s just Tommy for you. Usually Wilbur keeps him occupied with the Dreamon hunting and now he has too much free time

- Quackity is using the blackmail more and more. Does he even work here anymore? When was the last time anybody saw him apart from looting the expired sodas? He’s the only one who can order avocados on a spanish site online that don’t cost their weight in gold

- But as it tends to be with good friends, Schlatt knows the amount of blackmail he has is enough to fill everybody’s need for drama here for the rest of the year. Also he can’t say no to Quackity

- Fundy recieves yet another apology card from Wilbur from Ireland, a whole postcard with a picture attached and a little doodle of a fox. He finally caves and forgives him, now refusing to do Schlatt’s work anymore.

- Dream is Popping Off. Nobody can stop him from working once he starts. He’s 2 months ahead on Literally Everything. Somebody help him

Promotion pt. 6: The Finale I promise

- Wilbur returns! Schlatt is THIS close to throwing in the towel

- Tubbo says he wants another sleepover, wanting to de-escalate the whole manager war. Tommy has to stay true to his promise in the freezer and they convince Wilbur together. Techno was on board before they even asked

- Unbeknowedst to them, the Dream Team + Karl wanted to stay in that night as well to sabotage Schlatt

- Both groups stare at eachother in confusion at first

-They combine their resources to figure out a way to sabotage Schlatt. Dream is growing increasingly quiet and unsure while Tommy stares at The Adults with dissapointment. Tubbo tries to get a word in about how Schlatt isn’t That Bad but they all yell over him. “The milk, Tubbo! Why can’t he put the milk back like a normal person!”

- Eventually Tommy pulls out his bravery and tells everyone to Shut Up

- Everyone stares at eachother

-Tommy: “How come you guys yelling over bullying somebody out of their work sounds less mature than when my literal nephews are screaming at eachother over 10 year old pokemon cards??“

- The adults stare at eachother even harder

- Dream shyly clears his throat. “From an outsider perspective, you know, uh, I should probably be fired for plotting against a fellow manager-“

- Wilbur finally finds his tongue. “Maybe this wasn’t the most... mature idea.”

- Everybody carefully agrees to apologize to schlatt and never speak of this again. Tommy has unknowingly gotten a lot more pranking rights

- They spend the rest of the night organizing the storage, hunting Dreamon, Dream telling them about that one time he ate a living frog, and taking turns playing some free racing game on Karl’s switch

- Lots of laughter, return to their shifts the next day

- They wait for Schlatt to come in to work and pull him to the back. Only Bad and Skeppy are already allowed inside while they keep the doors locked for anybody else

- Dream issues a formal apology to him and tells him everything, and Wilbur jockingly mentions they were really close to pouring food coloring into his rubber gloves as they try to laugh it off

- Schlatt stares at them

- “You know what? I quit. I don’t want to be the manager anymore. I feel like the dad of lord knows how many kids. Phil is some kind of angel. Wilbur please adopt Tubbo and Tommy again, as long as our store isn’t on fire I’m never going to complain about them ever again. Dream you might wanna phone Quackity.”

Insiders

- After a good, short era of peace within the establishment, the Drama Bois are getting bored and latching onto new things

- The bets on whether Skeppy and Bad are a couple or not are getting ever higher, especially as they’ve started letting them behind the counter. They figured out pretty quickly that they’re officially not together, but that just makes the betting all the more exciting. Do they like eachother? Are they hiding it? Are they just really good friends? Are they THAT oblivious or just really good at covering it up??

- Bad especially becomes good friends with Dream, George and Sapnap, and yet they’re all just as split as everyone else on whether he likes Skeppy or not

- Bad pretends to be but is in fact not oblivious to this at all

- Dream especially will often tell them they’re being VERY close to eachother or how cute they are next to eachother, revelling in teasing his friend, especially as Bad will sometimes start to get flustered while Skeppy manages to somehow stay 100% cool

- One day when a middle aged white woman is extremely unhappy with her order she starts talking down on George about being uneducated, and too clumsy for being useful at all, and how they should fire him. George asks her if he should just get the manager and she gladly agrees, only for Dream to swoop out of a back room, a good head taller than her, and sternly tell her if she can’t treat employees like human beings then he will ban her from the establishment immedietly. The woman stutters, takes her order and leaves, cursing something as she goes.

- Bad and Skeppy were sitting at a table nearby quietly the entire time, and Bad has this a-little-too-wide smile on his face.

- Dream murmurs something about having to go, but the seeds are planted. The idea has bloomed. Bad is ready to get his teasing revenge.

- Just as they’re closing, George puts away the milk that Dream left on the counter, telling Dream that he’s putting it away. Bad: “Wow George, that’s so thoughtful of you!” George: “???”

- Dream, softly telling George he can go home earlier and he’ll take the rest of the shift so George can catch up on sleep: “It’s okay, just go. I’ve got this.”

- Bad, just as George left, slurping his milkshake innocently while Wilbur and Sapnap are in earshot: “Awww, Dream! That was SO nice of you!”

- Dream, knowing exactly what this is for: “I’m just... nice to my friends!“

- Bad: “Really?! How many times do you let Sapnap go home earlier?” Sapnap: “You let George go earlier AGAIN?” Wilbur, having waited his entire life for someone to finally notice this: “George is getting so much favored treatment, Dream. But you’re really just good friends, right?“

- If looks could kill they’d all be dead at that point. Especially Bad, who continues slurping his milkshake as the chaos unfolds and Dream knows there’s no escape

@labbyyyyy @karlljacobs

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breckstonevailskier · 3 years

Text

Daniel LaRusso's experiences with Terry Silver and how they affect him in Cobra Kai

One thing that is often overlooked in Cobra Kai, because the show fixates so much on the events of the first Karate Kid movie, is how much Daniel LaRusso's behavior is influenced by his time with Terry Silver in The Karate Kid Part III.

Season 1:

Daniel's handling of Kyler: Kyler is actually a lot like Terry Silver. He was going out with Sam, putting on the act of a nice guy to get her to go out with him. In reality, Kyler is a bully towards Miguel and his friends, and is only interested in Sam because he wants to get in her pants. Kyler puts on this nice guy act while having dinner with the LaRussos, and manages to fool both Daniel and Amanda. Then he lies about Johnny attacking him in defense of Miguel, prompting Daniel to confront Johnny. Daniel goes to Johnny, finds out the truth, and immediately does a 180 about Sam going out with Kyler.

Considering their history, Daniel has no reason to believe Johnny instead of Kyler. For all someone in Daniel's shoes ought to know, Johnny could be lying through his teeth (as Amanda points out). But because Daniel's been told that this nice guy might be anything but, he now has to question if Kyler really likes Sam or he has ulterior motives...because again, Silver approached Daniel pretending to have good intentions for him. Amanda at one point in episode 3 tries to assure Daniel that Sam will be fine with Kyler at the Halloween dance because Kyler seemed harmless to her. Daniel says, “Yeah, I’ve known plenty of guys who seemed harmless that were real pieces of crap behind the scenes." He's talking about Silver.

That's why Daniel insists on chaperoning at the Halloween dance: it's to keep an eye on Kyler if he does anything sketchy. Sure enough, he sees Kyler take Sam into an empty classroom and try to get her to take off his belt, and this is when Daniel intervenes and pulls Sam out of there. A good thing, because Kyler was going to date rape Sam (this is made clear in their next scene. Before they beat up Miguel, Brucks tells Kyler that "you had [Sam] in the palm of your dick" and talk about how the bracelet trick worked on another girl at a different school, showing Sam is not the first person Kyler has done this to).

Sam's attitudes towards her boyfriends: A related consequence to this is that after Sam finds out that Kyler is a jackass (between seeing him bully Miguel and his friends in the library, and him trying to date rape her), she is much more guarded and reserved when it comes to meeting new people. This is probably a good thing because it prevents her from getting burned like Daniel did by Terry Silver. This is the reason why she's so hesitant to enter a relationship with Miguel, and is quick to dump Miguel when the Cobra Kai teachings get to Miguel's head and he turns into an asshole, then goes back to him once those asshole tendencies disappear. And while never said out loud, this also contributes to her relationship with Robby falling apart, for while Robby treats her well, he withholds from her the fact Miguel returned Miyagi's Medal of Honor so he can keep Sam for himself (because he knows full well Sam would have second thoughts about being in a relationship with him once she had proof that Miguel wasn't a bully like his fellow Cobra Kai peers).

Johnny's speech to appeal Cobra Kai's ban: Daniel has a very bad reaction when Johnny makes his speech to appeal Cobra Kai's ban from the All-Valley, in which Johnny claims Kreese is dead and his Cobra Kai is different, a place for bullied kids to seek refuge. Thing is, Daniel clearly isn't convinced of any of Johnny's words, because these are almost the exact same words that Silver said to Daniel. Silver approached Daniel claiming that Kreese had died, and at the All-Valley gave a speech proclaiming that his chain of Cobra Kais would be a place for kids to practice the values he [Silver] learned, a speech that Silver wasn't sincere about.

Daniel's reaction to learning Robby is Johnny's son: Daniel's reaction to finding out Robby is Johnny's son is an angry, “You lied to me! Was this all just a con? Some kind of sick mind game you tried to pull off on me?!” It's very telling what Daniel's word choice is, because Terry Silver played a long mind game on Daniel, pretending to be his friend while actively sabotaging him so he'd take a humiliating loss to Mike Barnes in the All-Valley tournament. And when coupled with the fact that Daniel was drunk and had just been attacked by Johnny in his own home after just inviting Johnny in for a friendly fight, his anger is more understandable.

People calling Daniel "Danny Boy": Any time someone calls Daniel "Danny Boy," whether that be Kreese or Tom Cole, Daniel's composure briefly falters, because that's what Silver called him. In fact, Kreese has to know this, since he was there for when Silver revealed his true colors to Daniel.

Season 2:

Daniel's reaction to finding out Kreese has returned: Daniel goes to Johnny intending to inform him about Robby's living situation (in light of Shannon leaving for Cabo)...but immediately decides against it when he sees Johnny with Kreese. Johnny claims to Daniel that Kreese is a changed man...and Daniel warns him not to trust Kreese. Kreese was complicit in everything Silver did to Daniel in 1985 to get revenge for him, so Daniel has every reason to believe Kreese is up to his old tricks again so he can worm his way back into Cobra Kai.

Indeed, Daniel is right: Kreese gains Johnny's trust by claiming to be atoning for what happened in 1984 (by fixing Johnny's second place trophy, and lets Johnny see him as down-on-his-luck so Johnny will take pity on him). It's all a calculated act to undermine Johnny's authority in Cobra Kai and steal the dojo away from him.

Daniel even calls out Johnny for not listening to him when they're arguing in 3x08 while waiting for Robby to get out of juvie. He says, "What did you think would happen when you summoned that devil back to Earth?"

Season 3:

Catching Sam and Miguel together: When Daniel catches Miguel and Sam making out at Miyagi-Do, Sam says to him, "I know it's been a lot. But can you please try to remember that I'm still your daughter, and that you can trust me?" and Daniel replies, "It's not you I don't trust, Sam." Having prior experiences with people who claimed to have changed but didn't (Silver and Kreese) is the reason why learning "Miguel's changed. He's a good person. He's not Cobra Kai's number one bully; he's not even in Cobra Kai anymore!" is a pretty hard pill for Daniel to swallow because any impressions Daniel has had of Miguel up to this point are not very good.

Daniel's impressions of Miguel up to this point are as follows: Johnny had Miguel use Daniel's signature Crane Kick to open the tournament as a way of mocking Daniel, then Miguel fought dirty against Robby. This is combined with whatever Sam said to Daniel about her breakup with Miguel, which probably was that he was an asshole. So seeing Miguel's speech at the town hall to save the All-Valley, and finding him making out with Sam, Daniel is on guard because while Sam has had plenty of positive interactions with Miguel since bumping into him at school, Daniel only has the filter of whatever Sam told him about Miguel to go off of.

Seeing Robby being trained by Kreese: Daniel's reaction to seeing Robby training with Kreese seems very telling. If Daniel is Mr. Miyagi, then Robby is 1985 Daniel, and Kreese is 1985 Silver. Daniel realizes Kreese is going to do with Robby exactly what he and Silver failed to do with Daniel 33 years ago. He'll certainly see the cycle repeating even further when he finds Silver has been summoned back to town by Kreese.

And I would bet he'll possibly realize in season 4 that Johnny's neglect of Robby throughout season 3 left Robby open to manipulation from Kreese, much like Mr. Miyagi's neglect of Daniel in 1985 left him open to manipulation from Silver.

#Johnny Lawrence #Miguel Diaz #Samantha LaRusso #Amanda LaRusso #Kyler #Sam x Miguel #Terry Silver #John Kreese #Robby Keene #Cobra Kai #The Karate Kid #The Karate Kid Part II #The Karate Kid Part III #Mike Barnes #Tory Nichols #Daniel LaRusso

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kur0m1bab3 · 3 years

Text

A Bittersweet Miracle

BokutoxBlackFem!reader

3rd person POV

Cw:Angst fluff, slightly mature, mentions of pregnancy, college!Au

Unedited

"Well what does it say?" Akaashi asked curiously craning his neck a bit to try to glance at the plastic stick set in y/n's hand.

Y/n looked away biting her lip as she blindly handed him the pregnancy test.

"Two lines means positive right?" The older male asked as y/n stayed silent nodding her head as she kept her gaze fixated on the brown wooden floors of her kitchen.

A soft smile graced Akaashis face as he walked over to y/n leaning down a bit.he poked her cheek lightly as she puffed her cheeks out, desperately trying To keep her gaze on the ground only for her to crack a small smile at Akaashi's constant poking.

"There she is" Akaashi smiled pulling y/n into a warm embrace. Y/n sighed into the hug as Akaashi pulled away.

"I'm gonna be a god father" Akaashi said happily as y/n laughed.

"Mhmn you are" she smiled.

Akaashi pulled away from y/n as he looked at her for a while as he lifted an eyebrow.

"You don't seem too happy?" Akaashi said as y/n shook her head.

"I am...m'not sure how I'm really supposed to react though..I mean I cried when I found out I was so happy.......but my kid is going to grow up fatherless so I'm kinda ya know...out of it" y/n spoke truthfully as Akaashi nodded.

"You going to tell him?" Akaashi asked as he began to grab pot and pans from the cabinets, probably about to make a celebratory meal for the mother to be and the others planning to come over.

"Don't know. Part of me wants to the other part of me doesn't" y/n said sitting on the island stool as Akaashi hummed looking at her.

"Y/n you guys were together for more than a year and a half...not to mention you guys lived together for most of your college career.....He deserves to know" Akaashi spoke out as y/n bit her lip looking down.

"I know...but,we broke up for a reason" y/n said as Akaashi clicked his tongue looking at the younger girl.

"You mean you broke up with him" Akaashi said putting an emphasis on you as y/n waved Akaashi off.

"It was mutual" y/n said rubbing her stomach softly smiling. Akaashi put down the wooden spoon he had been holding as he walked over to the island y/n was sitting at.

He leaned on the island as he looked at y/n intently.

"Bokuto never wanted to break up it wasn't mutual" Akaashi said sternly as y/n bit her lip looking away.

Kotaro Bokuto. The love of y/n's life that just so happened to be her ex. The pair had know each other for years, their history together going back all the way to middle school. They had always been attracted to each other, no doubt about it.

The cute smiles they gave each other during gym, or the extra chocolates teddy bears they'd give one another on Valentine's Day, the way y/n would wear his jersey to games, it was honestly all too obvious.

Once their 3rd year hit, their attraction to each other grew almost unbearable leading to the faithful Halloween night the two hooked up in the closet of their friends kuroos house.

Wasn't the ideal place considering the two teens got caught by a group of 5 pestering boys from differing schools, they just So happen to call friends, just as they reached their climaxes. The two never being able to live down the embarrassing ordeal and a rule set in place by the one and only tetsuro kuroo,stating that the pair had to be no closer than 8 feet away from each other in his house.

Clearly that rule was broken a few times, but what doesn't kill kuroo will only make him..make him...who knows honestly.Besides the point by some miraculous twisted miracle the close knit friend group ended up going to the same college together.

Their living arrangements was an interesting one. Of course all of the boys wanted y/n to live with them, they were all like a horde of bodyguards, it could be quite annoying at times having a group of guys tell an adult woman to go put on sweats in 100 degree heat instead of wearing shorts,but that's what you get when you surround yourself with a bunch of guys who were like brothers.

None of the boys wanted y/n to live alone, especially with a roommate. They hated the idea of her spending all of her time with someone she barley knew(mainly oikawa). Which is how they came up with the idea of pairing Bokuto and y/n to live together.

Was it the best idea to pair up two people who had clear sexual history and extreme feelings for each other? Maybe not. Did it happen? Of course it did considering who the boys were and how they wanted to play match maker.

The living arrangement lead to some interesting encounters. Eventually the two finally got together. It wasn't easy considering y/n was very stubborn and Bokuto was just too shy(ironic right?) to admit his feelings towards the younger girl.

Their personalities were an interesting pair.

Y/n was more on the introverted side, never really showed her emotions and kept to herself for the most part. Sarcasm was a second language to her, there was never a moment she didn't have someone rolling in laughter due to her quick wittedness or outright weird behavior.

Bokuto on the other hand was quite different. A clear extrovert who never failed to brighten up the room. His bright character was always a joy to be around, never quite knowing what he'd say or do leaving a kind of mysterious and almost mischievous aura about himself.Much like y/n he kept his emotions to himself and hid how he really felt, which proved catastrophic or their relationship.

The two loved each other so much it was kind of sickening to be around. The constant loving stares of sneaky kisses caused the other to normally cringe or throw pillows at the pair telling them to get a room. But much like the great sonatas of masterminds like Beethoven or Mozart, the beautiful pairs relationship,had a grand crescendo and a beautifully haunting decrescendo.

They were just bad at relationships. Mainly due to the lack of emotions between the two, and by that I mean the hiding of emotions. Their communication skills were way off, neither one of them knowing how to confront the other when they seemed to be at rock bottom which caused a huge rift in their relationship.

"Bokuto we need to stop seeing each other....we b-broke up a month a-ago"y/n whimper out softly as Bokuto continued to place light kisses along her neck.

Bokuto squeezed her waist tightly pushing her deeper into the wall as he pulled away from her neck meeting her eyes.

His eyes were glossed over, lust and sadness swimming through the cesspools of his golden irises as he breathed heavily.

A frown sat on his face as he shook his head, his slightly fallen hair tickling y/n's forehead. Y/n always thought his hair suited him so well. He looked so wild and young it made her knees buckle a bit.

".....just...let me have this..." Bokuto whispered against y/n's lips. That's all it took for y/n to attack Bokutos lips earning a small moan of admiration from him as he swiftly picked her up bringing her into their once shared bedroom.

The room was dark causing y/n's vision to completely cancel out making her hyper aware of her surroundings. Bokuto gently placed her on the bed kissing her cheek softly.

Y/n scrunched her eyes in confusion as she felt tiny droplets of water hit her face. She gently wiped her face as she tried to figure out the source of the water.

The moonlight from the night sky shined brightly into the room, as y/n fixated her eyes on the male hovering above her.

Bokuto had his eyes closed tightly as tears ran down his face continuously. He held a pained expression on his face as he visibly began to shake, his breathing speeding up as he sobbed quietly causing y/n to freeze all her actions.

Bokuto opened his eyes looking down at the girl beneath him. She looked at bit concerned mouth slightly agape,but more so shocked as tears hit her face from above. The pained look on Bokutos face caused y/n to well up with tears as well as the pair stared at eachother tears rolling down their faces.

They couldn't tell you what it was that caused them to do this, but their lips collided once again as their tears and lips synched together in perfect harmony as clothes began to be discarded at an unholy speed.

Bokuto leaned up as he caresses y/n's face softly, tears rolling down both of their faces as he smiled weakly, knowing this would be the last time the two ever got to experience the touch of each other in such an intimate and close way.with that Bokuto began to cry harder as he looked down at the love of his life.

"I love you" he whispered as he silenced both his and y/n's sobs with a kiss that set the mood for the entirety of the night. Slow, passionate and heartbreaking.

That's faithful night was two months ago. Y/n only finding out about her sudden pregnancy a month after their encounter.

"....we needed to break up..what happened happened" y/n said shrugging as Akaashi sighed running a hand down his face.

"What happened is that you broke up with him because for whatever reason the two of you couldn't talk your feelings out like adults. And like a love sick little puppy Bokuto agreed because he'd do anything to make you happy.you guys broke up but continued to sleep around to try to fulfill the heavy feelings you two still obviously have for each other and now you're pregnant with your ex's kid" Akaashi said truthfully as y/n frowned.

"Jesus next time sugar coat it a bit will ya?"

Y/n said standing up going over to the pot that was currently on the stove boiling noodles.

Akaashi swiftly pushed y/n away as he looked at her.

"How long have you known ?" Akaashi asked as y/n leaned back onto the kitchen counter.

"A month..I didn't show symptoms right away, that is until I missed my period and started throwing up in the middle of the night." Y/n said as Akaashi looked at her then her stomach before placing a hand on her stomach gently.

"Are you now just starting to show?" Akaashi asked as y/n nodded lifting up her shirt a bit.

"You can barley tell it just looks like I'm bloated" y/n said making a face as the sound her front door suddenly opening caught the twos attention.

"Akaashi? Y/n?" A voice said as y/n peeked her head around the coroner. She smiled bright seeing kuroo and konoha at the door taking their shoes off.

"I'm the kitchen" y/n said as she hopped on the counter. Footsteps were heard as the two men appeared in the kitchen.

"I can never understand how your kitchen looks so clean all the time. It's like you never cook in here" konoha said as he made a face lifting up the top of the pot that the noodles were boiling in, only for him to get slapped in the head by Akaashi, earning a loud ouch from the younger male.

"It's called cleaning aki" y/n hummed as kuroo walked over to the group of adults.

"Akaashis cooking....so whats the occasion?" kuroo said propping an elbow up on the island looking at y/n as konoha nodded.

"Yeah last time Akaashi cooked was when he bought those ugly ass sugar gliders home from the pet store" konoha said making a face as Akaashi turned around kicking konoha in the shin causing y/n and kuroo to laugh.

"You not bout to sit here and disrespect them in my face. You better be glad we in y/n's house or else I would've kick yo ugly ass" Akaashi sneered as konoha flicked him off.

Y/n grabbed the pregnancy test from off the the counter as she held it up.

"I'm pregnant" y/n said smiling handing kuroo the test as both boys stared at the test wide eyed.

"Seriously?!" konoha shouted as y/n nodded. He quickly picked her up squeezing her tight as he hugged her.

"YOU'RE PREGNANT!" kuroo yelled grabbing y/n from konoha as he hugged her tight.

Y/n laughed as konoha hid his face in his hands as he began to cry.He tetsuro, atsumu and oikawa were all such cry babies . Y/n laughed a bit already knowing how overdramatic atsumu and oikawa would be once they found out about the pregnancy.

"I can't believe this" konoha said smiling widely as y/n laughed.

"Y'all are both so overdramatic" y/n laughed as kuroo began dancing around the apartment.

"Overdramatic?! That's my god child you're talking about!" kuroo scolded as he walked up to y/n hugging her once again.

konoha sniffed a bit as he looked at

y/n,realization hitting him like a truck as he stopped crying looking At y/n intently, before sighing a bit laying his head on y/n's shoulder.

"Y/n....it's Bokutos isn't it?" He asked wiping his tears as y/n sighed. A small smile on her face as she looked at the boys sadly.

"Yeah..it is.."

A/N: I hope y’all like this🧍🏾‍♀️FIRST TIME KINDA NERVOUS🤪

#anime x black!reader #haikyuu!! x black reader #black reader #haikyuu!! x poc! reader #haikyuu!!#haikyuu x reader #haikyuu fluff #kur0m1.writes

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oscar-lettjohanssonloveme · 3 years

Text

Stop Running (Cordelia x Wilhemina x fem!reader x Ally)

idk what we got here, but its reeeeeeally long and made with google translate..so excuse me

summary: you have to meet the son of your girlfriends and he reminds you of ur dead brother and all the memories of ur childhood come back

warnings: suicide, depression, scars, child abuse..

Being in a relationship with 3 women at the same time was probably something like the jackpot. Before, you didn't even think you'd get one and now you had 3.

You still remembered the night these three women came into the club where you worked as a waitress. In the beginning it was just little things like saying 'please' and 'thank you' when you brought them something. Most of the people who came to this club got drunk too quickly to be polite.

Then they started asking you questions.

“What's your name?”

“How is it possible that a pretty girl like you works in a club like this?” (a question that made you blush)

“How can we get your attention?”

And at one point you gave a shit about your work and sat with them for the rest of the night. And at dawn they took you to their bed with them. You were the only sober person that evening, but the next morning none of the 3 were surprised or angry about your presence.

It had developed into a frequency, every Friday night they'd come to the club only to leave with you at the end of the night. And at some point it became more.

The trio had piqued your interest since the first night, which was probably because there were three of them and later you wanted to know everything about them. You found out that Ally was widowed with a son, that Wilhemina had her cane with scoliosis and that she had a secret fetish for the Victorian era, and that Cordelia was the headmistress of a witch's school, they all lived in.

And at some point you had to find out that you were in love with all three at once.

You loved Mina's severity and how proud she walked despite her scoliosis. No one had ever walked so gracefully with a cane, you were sure of that.

You loved seeing how gentle and balanced Delia was with everyone.

And you loved Ally when she explained the world to you and was the smartest person in the room.

The problem was that you were too scared. These women had known each other for a number of years and you had only known them for a few weeks. How many times have you wondered if you were just a distraction for her bedroom?

You were ashamed of this question and started avoiding contact with them. But when they confronted you, you finally revealed your feelings to them.

They weren't angry, on the contrary, they started laughing.

———————————

"We thought you knew that we love you too and were now afraid that you would avoid us because of that .." said Delia.

"Oh .." you mumbled confused.

"We're sorry we never made it official .." Ally said, putting a hand on your knee. "We thought it was obvious .."

-----------------------

And now you've finally been living with them for a week. You almost lived with them anyway. You knew the big building of the academy almost by heart, Delia's girls knew and liked you, and most of the time you spent in the trio's rooms instead of your own little apartment.

There was a little problem though: Oz, Ally's son.

Ally had decided it would be better if you didn't meet him until you officially lived with them. It wasn't up to you, but the circumstances were very complicated. If one mother died and you had two new ones, you didn't need a third.

The night you found out about Oz's existence, Ally had also told you the story of the Cult and how she killed Ivy.

—

"I want there to be no secrets between us. And I'm not proud of what I did, but it's part of me now .." she had said.

"We have all done things that we are not proud of .." was your reply.

—

The three of them tried to prepare Oz for you as best they could, which wasn't difficult because Oz wasn't a complicated kid. And you had been confident, because actually you got on well with children.

"Oz is in his room .." Ally said as she walked into your living room. She grabbed your hands to pull you up from the sofa before kissing you on the cheek.

Both of you were at home alone at the moment, as Delia and Mina were working afterwards.

You gave her a warm smile and together you went to the boy's room. Ally knocked on the door briefly before opening it. Her hand never left yours. A blond boy was sitting on the bed reading a comic. "Oz, this is Y / N .. I told you about her .." Ally said. The boy, Oz, raised his head and looked straight at you. Your breath caught at the sight of him.

He looks like Leo, was your first thought.

This little boy looked just like your little brother had looked that age. You got dizzy. All that you repressed in the last few years suddenly all shot back into your memory. Your abusive father, who hobbled on a stick because of his broken leg and didn't fail to punish Leo or you for anything senseless. Your alcoholic mother who drowned her frustration in alcohol and was never there when you needed her. And Leo, your Leo that you loved so much. How many times did you want to run away and stay because of him? Then this picture shot in your head, you were 17 at the time and he was 15. One day you came home and his dead body had tumbled from the ceiling by his belt. He couldn't take it anymore and you hated yourself so much that you didn't notice.

"Honey?" Ally's voice brought you back to the present. You looked away from Oz, who was now looking at you in confusion, and fixed your gaze on Ally. "I thought it would be better if I gave you some time alone .." she whispered.

"Sure ..", you nodded slowly.

She smiled and squeezed your hand. "Good .." was the last thing she said before leaving the room.

You stood lost in the boy's room, who by now was fixated on his comic again, and didn't know what to do. You wanted to run after Ally, bury you in her arms and start crying. But you knew that it probably wouldn't go down too well with Oz, so you just paused.

"She's happy again .." Oz suddenly said without looking up from his comic.

"Excuse me, what?"

"I mean mom .. she laughs a lot more .."

"Didn't she do that before?", You were confused.

"Yea .. but it always seemed so forced .. When Delia and Mina started to meet her, she felt like shit and she had to get back to normal, she was somehow sick or something like that .. I think she is happy to have someone who didn't see her as this wreck and that's why she's happy .. "

You didn't answer what he said because you couldn't judge it.

So it takes three women to replace one .. you thought and immediately hated yourself for it.

"What are you reading?" You walked slowly to the bed and sat down next to Oz.

"Avengers .." he muttered.

Inside you were relieved, at least something you knew.

"And do you like it?", You looked into the book and began to read along. "It's cool .." he said curtly and read on.

"That's Civil War .." you stated after two minutes. Confused, he looked at you sideways. "You know it?" "Of course.." He nodded shortly before looking back into the book. "Are you Team Cap or Team Iron Man?" You asked. "Although I like Iron Man more, Team Cap .. The way Shield is fighting him here sucks," Oz said and you nodded. You noticed the Iron Man movie poster hanging on his closet. "Have you seen the films?" "Nope .." he shook his head. "Mom won't let me .." "How old are you?" "11 .." "Okay well .. maybe I can talk your mom and we can watch her together .." you said.

"Are you serious? ..", he looked at you skeptically. "Yes .." you nodded. "I mean it's her choice, but I don't think the films are that dangerous you can't watch them .." "That would be cool .." he muttered, staring at the Iron Man poster.

--------------------------

"How about Oz, Y / N?" Asked Mina, who was sitting across from you. You looked up from your meal.

"Good .." you mumbled briefly

"Good ..?" She repeated before taking another sip of her red wine. Her eyes were still attached to yours.

"Yes ... I think I'll be able to make friends with him .." you added when you noticed that your answer was a bit short.

It was 10 p.m. and the four of you hadn't eaten with the other girls and Oz as usual, but only did it now because Mina had come home so late. And you had been noticeably quiet, still thinking about your Leo.

Ally put a hand on your knee under the table as she always did to calm you down. "You seemed very ..", she searched for words. "impressed? I don't know .."

"Uhm yes .. I was a little bit overstrained ..", you tried to smile at her, but you could still feel Mina's penetrating look. Like she's trying to look inside your head.

Cordelia, realizing the tense mood, let out a laugh.

"Overstrained would also fit our attitude when we met him for the first time ..", she said and threw a loving look at Mina.

"yeah?" You asked confused, because Cordelia always got on well with everyone.

"Oh yes .." she continued. "Ally had also left us alone with him and we didn't even know what to do .. I think it is already difficult for a child to accept one new person in the mother's life and then two ... it was all a little bit complicated.."

"And what did you do then?"

"We ended up playing Monopoly .." she said with a grin. You started to laugh. "Monopoly?" "Yes and in the end Mina was angry because she had lost .." You looked at Mina, who blushed. "Those were the wrong rules we were playing with .." she muttered. "You're just a bad loser, honey .." Cordelia said, still grinning.

Smiling you looked back and forth between the women. "So are you all right?" Ally asked again, drawing your attention back to herself. You nodded quickly. "yes, it's all good. Oz is great .. so he told me that you wouldn't let him watch the Marvel films .. they really aren't that bad, I think it's okay .."

"You think so?" She raised an eyebrow.

"Jesus Ally, don't feel criticized right away..I just mean that I could imagine watching them with him..you know, then this thing with befriending him might work better ..", you said and started playing with your fingers

Her eyes relaxed at your words. "I think that's no problem .."

------------------------------------

The next day you lay on the sofa, tired, trying to get some sleep. At night it was impossible: every time you closed your eyes, you saw the picture of the dead Leo in front of your eyes.

Ally was sitting at the end of the sofa with your legs in her lap, her fingers running over them, while she was reading an article on her cell phone.

An approaching knock made you flinch and your body stiffened, which Ally didn't go unnoticed. This is your father, you startled for a moment.

"Don't worry, Princess .. outside of the bedroom, Mina's walking stick is no danger for you .." Ally said to you and laughed.

She might found it funny, but her words made you scared, not that you wouldn't be interested in this type of sex ... But the thought of Mina hitting you with her stick made you feel uncomfortable.

"Oz is looking for you Y / N ..", Mina said as she entered the room and saw Ally and you on the sofa. You nodded briefly and jumped up to go to the boy. "Thanks Mina .." was the last thing you muttered before you left the room.

Oz was in his room, as expected. You knocked just before you entered. He was sitting at his desk doing homework.

"Mina said you'd look for me .." you said and stepped up to him. "Are we watching Iron Man today?" He asked without looking up from his duties. "Today?", You were surprised. Ally had given Oz permission to watch the movies with you at breakfast, but you didn't expect to start today. "Yup.." "uhm...Sure" "Cool ..", he raised his head and grinned crookedly. Leo shot through your head. "See you later Y / N .." "See you then," you mumbled and left his room.

A few hours later you were sitting next to Ally's son on the sofa and tried to concentrate on the film. Oz sat next to you, focused on the film and just made a few comments.

The whole evening was relatively relaxed until Oz put his head on your shoulder and immediately you were a 13 year old girl again and next to you was not your lover's son, but your 10 year old brother Leo. You weren't in the living room either. You sat crouched at the end of your bed, Leo next to you, his head on your shoulder. The TV had turned into a door that you and Leo are now staring at, concentrating on the voices behind it. It was your father fighting with your mother. Your heartbeat quickened immediately. You could hear his footsteps as he hobbled his stick down the hall. It became harder to breathe when you saw the doorknob move down and-

"It works better than I expected.." Ally's voice whispered and you were immediately back in the living room.

"Is everything okay?" She asked confused when she saw your distraught look. You nodded slowly. "Yes-", you stuttered. "I'm just a little surprised, I thought it would be more complicated to make friends with Leo .." "Leo?", Ally sat down on the sofa and pulled her sleeping son into her lap. "Oz ..." you corrected yourself quickly. "I have no idea how I come up with Leo .. in the film someone was called that .." "You're shaking Y / N .." Ally remarked and saw you concerned at. "I'm sorry," you looked down at your trembling hands. "I'm just very nervous about Oz I think .."

Ally smiled. "You don't have to .. you're doing great .."

------------------- -----------

The next morning the 4 of you, Oz and the other girls were having breakfast together.

"That was cool last night, Y / N .." Oz said suddenly and your attention was on him.

"I think so too ..", you smiled gently at him.

"What I can think of .." Ally remarked. "I have a meeting tonight and Mina has to work late ... so you'll be alone with Oz ..." She looked back and forth between you and Cordelia. "I'm out .." Delia said and sipped her coffee. "Misty and I are going to the greenhouse tonight .." "Oz and I can come with you..I am sure that Oz-" "Misty and I want to be there alone, Y / N .." Cordelia shot you an apologetic look.

"Oh okay ..", you looked carefully at Oz, who was too busy with his food to catch anything in your conversation. "That's not a problem for you, is it?" Ally asked. You shook your head quickly. "No.."

So the subject was off the table and Mina's eyes stabbed your skin again. Although she hadn't said anything, she was probably the one who felt your discomfort the most.

In the evening you and Oz had dinner alone and at first everything went well, you talked about the movie from the previous evening over dinner and you didn't have to think about Leo at all.

"okay .." you started and stood up. "I'll tidy up the kitchen and that's when you finish your homework .." Oz grinned. "Whoever finishes first .." he said and ran out of the room. You had to smile when you started washing the dishes. 10 minutes later Oz walked slowly into the room and you immediately noticed that something was wrong.

"What's up?" You frowned. Oz without a word took out his soccer ball and a few broken pieces from behind his back. "What's that?" You asked calmly.

"I finished my homework and was playing with the ball in the living room. The ball hit Delia's vase and it fell from the cupboard .." he whispered and looked at the broken pieces in his hand.

You stared at him and saw Leo again and wondered what your dad would have done to him now. Tears stung your eyes. "I can't do this anymore .." you sobbed and buried your face in your hands.

Oz looked up at you with wide eyes. "I'm really sorry, Y / N! It wasn't on purpose ... I-"

"Oz no-" you said quickly and crouched down to look at him directly. "I'm not mad at you .. You know, I'm even glad that the thing is broken .. To be honest, I found the vase totally hideous .." "Really?" He asked skeptically. You nodded and tried to smile. "Are you hurt?" "No .." he shook his head.

"Well ... let's clean up the mess now and please don't play with the ball in the house anymore."

---------------------------

"Something is wrong with Y / N .." you heard Ally say to Cordelia the next evening.

You actually wanted to go to them in the living room, but when you heard your name, you couldn't help but stop to hear what they said about you.

"What do you mean?" You heard Delia ask. Ally seemed to think twice about what to say. "Oz told me last night that she started crying when he told her, the vase was broken .." she finally said.

Fuck. You closed your eyes

"I would probably have cried too, I liked the vase .." joked Cordelia. Ally groaned. "That's not funny Delia .. When I walked into the living room the day before, when Oz and Y / N were watching this movie, she also looked totally scared. She was shaking and looked like she was going to cry any moment .." she said.

Delia hummed thoughtfully. "Did you ask her about it?" "She said she was so nervous about Oz, but I don't believe her .. I guess-"

"What are you doing here in the dark, princess?" Mina's lips to your ear made you jump.

"Jesus, Mina .." you cursed and turned to your girlfriend. You could see her grinning in the moonlight that shone in through the hall window. "I didn't hear you coming .."

"If you can't even hear me coming, then you must have been really distracted .." she said, sounding somehow sad. "Let's go in. Unless you want to keep staring at the door here ..", she reached past you to open the door. You gave way and pointed into the room. "Age before beauty .." you just said and made her laugh before she entered the room in front of you.

The previous conversation between Ally and Delia never seemed to have taken place because they both just sat there, Delia read a book and Ally scrolled through her cell phone.

--------------------------

"Happy Birthday, Princess ..", Cordelia whispered in your ear in the morning and let you wake up. "How do you know that?", You grumbled tired and slowly opened your eyes. Delia sat next to you in the Scross-legged in bed. "I am the supreme, i know everything ..", she said smugly and let you snort in annoyance. "Of course you do .." you mumbled and sat up. "Where are Mina and Ally?"

"At work? Honey, it's 11 am .." Cordelia laughed. "And what are you still doing here?" You asked confused. "Can't I spend time with my girlfriend when it's her birthday?" She smiled sweetly at you.

"Do the others know ..?"

"Nope ..", she bit her lip. "I kind of felt like you wouldn't like it if we knew ..." "I don't either," you confirmed. "Still, you'll be sad when you find out .." she muttered.

For a moment it was quiet between the two of you and you just stared at each other. And just as you were wondering how Cordelia could look so good, even though she had just woken up too, she leaned over and kissed you.

"mh delia-" you protested against her lips.

"What?", She withdrew disappointed. "I actually wanted to give you your present now ..", she grinned and enjoyed how you blushed at her statement.

"At least let me brush my teeth beforehand .." you mumbled embarrassed and jumped off the bed.

"Hurry up, princess .."

---------------

In the late afternoon you sat across from Mina at the table. Ally was still working and Cordelia had arranged to meet Misty in the greenhouse. Mina was reading the paper in thought, a habit that you found incredibly cute. You yourself were playing some random game on your cell phone when the message tone on your cell phone beeped.

Message from Joanne: "Hello Y / N, I just wanted to wish you a happy birthday. I'm going to your city next week because I have to go to the doctor and wanted to ask if you would like to meet me?

~ Joanne. "

Your heart quickened on the last sentence. Joanne was your mother and wrote you every year for your birthday, you had never even answered one of her messages and now she wanted to see you again after so many years. She would come here and there was nothing you could do against it.

"Y / N ..?"

You raised your eyes to Mina, who was frowning at you.

"You're hyperventilating .." she remarked emotionless.

"I'm just dizzy ...", you gasped and stood up to run into the bathroom, or rather to stumble into the bathroom. You could feel your stomach turn as you leaned over the toilet and vomited into the toilet bowl.

The world around you seemed to be spinning. The closed bathroom door became the door of your nursery, you could even hear the knock on your father's stick. And how he got closer and closer. You tried to scream, but your mouth was only a soft gasp. Tears stung your eyes. "Please .." you tried silently to get air. A hand put on your back and you instantly jumped away from the toilet. "Please don't hurt me ..", you whimpered and looked fearfully into the face of the person in front of you.

Mina stood in front of you in shock, she had never seen you like this before. And the look you gave her broke her heart. "Honey you need to calm down .." She sat carefully on the floor and grimaced as pain ran through her back. Slowly she reached out her hand to touch yours, which was a mistake. Your hand jerked back, you reached out and let your hand fall against her left cheek. "Don't touch me .." you growled. "What the hell Y / N .." Mina hissed, grabbing your cheeks and forcing you to look at her. "It's me, princess, Mina ..", she whispered and felt her own eyes fill with tears. Your eyes widened when you recognized your girlfriend. And with that you finally broke, but Mina was there to pull you into her lap while you cried into her blouse. She held you as tightly as she could while trying to process the things that had just happened. The cheek your hand had marked on it burned like fire and yet it was impossible for her to realize that you had just hit her. It had never been you, she thought. And yet it was you who was lying in her arms right now.

"I'm so sorry .." you sniffed into her blouse when you had slowly calmed down. Mina gently put her hands around your cheeks and searched your face as if it contained any answers for what had just happened. She swallowed just before speaking. "Are you scared of me, Y / N?"

When her words reached your ear, you wrapped your arms around her torso and did your best not to hurt her. You felt so damn guilty.

"I would never hurt you .." she said softly against your ear, her voice thick with tears.

"I know Mina .." you whispered. "And I could never be afraid of you .."

You drew her back before your fingers slided down her right cheek where your hand marked it. "I'm so sorry .." you repeated your words from a few seconds ago.

"I'm fine Y / N", Mina assured us and took your hand. "I'm just worried about you .. I've been watching you for the last few days, you're acting totally strange .."

"I'm okay .." you mumbled and stood up with shaky legs.

"Don't damn me lie to Y / N! ...", she hissed and there she was again, the strict Mina you loved so much.

"Mina .. I'm really fine, you just shouldn't worry .. That's why I would prefer if Ally and Delia didn't find out about what just happened ... "you said as you leaned towards the mirror to fix your hair.

Mina shook her head blankly and propped herself up. "You are unbelievably Y / N .. two minutes ago you were lying here on the floor and now you're pretending nothing happened ... You won't be able to run away forever .. "she said, took her walking stick and walked past you to leave the bathroom.

You had never spoken to anyone about it, nobody knew about what had happened in your family and actually you had sworn to yourself that you would never tell anyone about it. Simply because you felt terrible about it, somewhere Leo's suicide was also your fault because you weren't strong enough to defend him.

You ran into the hallway and saw Mina sitting at the table again. Lost in thought, she looked out the window. "I think I'll go to sleep, I'm relatively tired ..." you said. Mina didn't move an inch. "You probably won't see me again today .." you muttered and went into your bedroom to actually get some sleep.

---------------

A few hours later you woke up from a bad dream.

It was dark and the first thing you noticed was Minas lavender perfume that surrounded you. Then you realized that, despite the events of the previous day, you 4 had taken your usual sleeping position: You and Ally were in the middle. Cordelia on the right edge, next to Ally and Mina on the left edge, next to you. Mina had her arms wrapped tightly around you and your head was on her chest. Like a few hours ago in the bathroom, you noticed.

Are you scared of me, Y/N?

Mina's words echoed in your head. The sad look she gave you made you feel infinite guilt.

"Mina?" You whispered softly against her neck.

"mhm ..". Mina hummed in her sleep.

"Are you awake..?" You knew how stupid and unnecessary that question was, but you couldn't help it.

She didn't answer at first, before moving after a few seconds.

"Now yeah .." she muttered as she pressed her nose against your hair.

"I just wanted to say, I love you .." you whispered and played with the purple fabric of Mina's pajamas.

"I love you too, princess ..". Was her answer and she kissed you on the forehead. Then it became quiet again and after a few minutes you could tell from her breath that she had fallen asleep again. Unfortunately, in contrast to her, you were wide awake and therefore decided to get up. Carefully you free yourself from her arms and sat up in bed. Confused, you noticed that the place next to Ally, who was sleeping sweetly, was empty. Where was Cordelia? You carefully climbed out of bed and went to look for the blonde, only to find her in the bathroom. You crept and stopped suddenly when you saw Cordelia lying in the bathtub.

Cordelia gave you a warm smile when she saw you and you couldn't help but laugh out loud. "What's so funny?" Cordelia grinned. "You .." you uttered, still laughing. "I?"

"Yes. You .. It's two o'clock in the morning and you sit here in the dark and bathe ...". You trotted to the sink. "It's not completely dark, I lit candles ..", Cordelia defended herself. You shook your head in amusement and washed your face.

"You're sweating .." Cordelia remarked, referring to the sweat stains on your shirt. "Didn't sleep so well .." you replied curtly. "I guess you don't want to sleep again either ..?" "Nope .." You turned back to her.

"Well ... then I would love it if you kept me company here," Delia said and smiled again. You shook your head again, just grinning, before you pulled your shirt over your head and went to the tub to get into the water. Cordelia sat down so that you were sitting in front of her and your body was leaning against her bare torso. She carefully put her arms around your torso and rested her chin on your head. You lay down for a few minutes Just there and you would probably have fallen asleep had she not spoken.

"Mina told us about your dropout this afternoon .."

Of course she did..

You closed your eyes "Why don't you just tell us what's going on Y / N?" She began softly. "We're really really worried." "I can't Delia .. I've never talked about it .." you whispered. "So do you admit something is wrong?" You snorted. "Of course something is wrong .. I hit Mina."

"You know that she's not angry with you, she's just worried as I said .. You know, no matter what is on your mind, we all suffer with you, no matter whether you tell us what's going on or not .. ", Delia said and ran her wet fingers through your hair. You just nodded at her words. "You could only tell one of us if that helps you.", She offered, although she knew that this would also bring new problems. "No, I trust you all .. It's just that, as I said, I've never told anyone about it. I am just afraid of your reaction .. "you said.

"Oh y / n ..", she sighed and turned your head so that she could look you in the eye. "No matter what happened, we love you so much and nothing could change that ..". Again you nodded.

Then suddenly she got up and grabbed a towel. "What are you doing?" You asked confused when you watched her get out of the tub and dry off. "You pull the plug and get dressed ... Meanwhile, I'll wake Ally and Mina, we'll finally talk to each other .." she said and put her nightgown back on before she ran out of the bathroom.

"You won't do that, it's the middle of the night .." you shouted after her.

"I know."

You climbed out of the bathtub, trembling, and drained the water. You dried yourself off quickly and got dressed. Before you left the room, you took a quick look in the mirror. You looked like you were going to cry any minute.

"We're in the living room, Y / N .." Cordelia suddenly called. For a moment you closed your eyes, then you slowly walked into your common living room. Your 3 friends sat on the sofa and stared at you expectantly. Cordelia sat with her legs crossed, her hair wet and her short nightgown on the right end. Ally was sitting cross-legged to her left. Clad in a T-shirt and shorts, she narrowed her eyes against the light. And at the other end sat Mina, in her purple pajamas, her long red hair curling on the fabric. Her left hand held her walking stick and, as always, her gaze seemed to shine through you.

You sat in the chair in front of them when Ally held out her hand to you. "This is not a fucking interrogation Y / N ..". You carefully took her hand and she pulled you between Delia and herself. You stared nervously into your lap and played with your fingers. You could still feel their expectant looks.

"Oz looks like my little brother ..." you suddenly let out. "Is that all?" Ally asked confused. "No .." you shook your head and waited a few seconds. "..my childhood wasn't that great ... my mom had a big drinking problem I guess..". "And your father?" Cordelia asked. "Uhm, well ... he hit us when we didn't do things the way he wanted ..."

Briefly there was silence in the room. "That's awful Y / N, but what does this have to do with my son ..?" Ally finally asked.

"My brother committed suicide when he was 15 because of my parents .." you said and heard Ally take a shaky breath. "And actually I had repressed all of that over the years and when I saw Oz ... I only saw Leo ...".

You got up and walked to an unpacked box with your things. You came back with a picture, which you put into Delia's hand. It was a family photo. Delia stared hard at the photo. "Your father had a walking stick .." she said suddenly and you instinctively looked at Mina, who was staring lost at the floor. Her grip on her own walking stick had tightened so much that you could be afraid it would be squeezed by her fingers. "His left leg wasn't healthy ... that's why he hobbled ...". Delia passed the photo on to Ally, who only had eyes for the blond boy next to you. "Well .. he actually looks a bit like Oz ..", Ally only mumbled and wanted to pass the picture on to Mina, but she just shook her head. "I do not want to see this..".

Again there was brief silence and again Ally was the one breaking it. "When I told you about Ivy and said I don't want any secrets between us, I actually assumed you'd think that way too..That's why I'm kind of angry Y / N..I mean, Do you don't trust us?"

You just wanted to speak, when Cordelia came before you. "She wasn't ready yet, Ally..She-" "Cordelia, I asked Y / N and not you .." Ally hissed.

"I've never told anyone about it ..." was all you said. "But we're not just anyone .." Ally sounded disappointed. "I didn't want you guys to think wrong of me .." you said softly. Cordelia leaned forward and grabbed your hand. "What happened is not your fault .. it was your brother's decision and your parents' fault .." "But maybe I could have done more .." you whispered, tears gathering in your eyes. Cordelia just sighed and pulled you into her lap. You leaned your back against her chest and listened for her heartbeat.

"And what was yesterday?" Asked Ally. "Something must have triggered your strange behavior .." "My mother texted me .. she does that every year on my birthday .." you said.

"It was your birthday?" Ally looked at you with raised eyebrows.

You nodded briefly and made Ally moan in frustration. "If you don't even tell us that anymore, then-" "She said she would come here next week because she has to see a doctor .. She wants to meet with me .." you interrupted her. "But I don't want to see her ..", you felt tears running down your face.

Ally just shook her head and crossed her arms over her chest.

"You should have talked to us much earlier Y / N ..", Mina finally said. "Even if this is all new now, we are a family and it is our job to make sure that you are okay. We would never have left you alone with Oz, had we known about your brother .. Not just about you to protect, but also because of Oz's safety. It's important that we trust each other, we've all been through complicated things .. " You nodded guiltily again.

Cordelia cleared her throat. "The scars on your back, you told us they were from a car accident, is that true?" "No .." you said. Suddenly you felt Delia's cool fingers pulling up your shirt and exposing your scars. "Delia what-" "Shut up, Y / N .." They'd all seen your scars before, but knowing that those scars were someone's craft, made them look a lot more brutal when Delia gently ran her fingers over them. "Did he? ..- asked Mina. You nodded and tears fell into your lap as you let out a sob. "I'm sorry," you said, holding a hand over your mouth to stifle your sobs.

"Damn Y / N, stop apologizing ..". Ally jumped up, stood in front of Delia and you, pressed your head against her flat stomach and rubbed your upper back with her hand. Delia's fingers continued to slide to the scars on your side. "Was that him too?" She asked softly. "No .." you answered. "Then who was it? Your moth-" "It was her, Delia .." Mina interrupted her with closed eyes. How could they have been so blind? Such scars did not appear in car accidents.

"Is that true Y / N?", Cordelia's voice trembled when she asked. "I'm so sorry .." you sniffed at Ally's shirt. "Back then I didn't know how to deal with everything .." "Shhh princess .." Ally cooed. "Please finally stop apologizing for something you can't do anything about .."

"Honey, do you still hurt yourself sometimes?" Asked Mina, who had slipped up to you and put her hand on yours.

"I've stopped doing that since Leo's death .. I think he saw me with a knife sometimes ..". The thought of it brought new tears to your eyes and made you sob one more time.

Cordelia pulled the fabric of your shirt back down before leaning her head on your back and wrapping your arms around your waist. Mina, who was sitting next to Delia, was the only one who could see her tears as she reached out her hand to gently run through Delia's hair. "Some things are going to change now, Y / N .." she said firmly. "We'll be more careful about some things and we'll also have to see how we deal with Oz without it being uncomfortable for him or you. I'll contact your mother and make it clear to her that you don't want any more contact. We can't stop Oz looking the way he looks, but we'll help you deal with it because that's what we're here for .. ". Her thumb brushed the back of your hand, which was in her lap. That was the last thing that was said that night, but you stayed in that position for a long time. You in the midst of your worried lover

#cordelia goode x reader #wilhemina venable x reader #ally mayfair richards x reader #sarah paulson x reader #cordelia goode #wilhemina venable #ally mayfair richards #american horror story #cordelia goode x reader x wilhemina venable #cordelia goode x wilhemina venable x reader x ally mayfair richards

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steve0discusses · 3 years

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Yugioh S5 Ep 19: Yugi and the Only Neck Accessory He Didn’t Really Want to Wear

Been busy! Hopefully stuff will open up soon as I’m taking a hiatus on a different quarantine project and will be finishing painting the entire roof of my car this week? One can hope. Sanding the rust off the whole top of a car takes a long time it turns out?

Also, fun Yugioh fact, I recently painted a book cover for an author who is older so she’s never seen the show, and she looked at my tumblr, saw my Duke Devlin fanart and was like “That’s him. That’s my main character. OMG. You captured him perfectly!” and I was like “Ma’am that is Duke Devlin, hence the single dice earring on his lobes there, but we can work with this.” and now a spiritual Duke Devlin is on the cover of a Wuxia-style fantasy trilogy on the Vella. Had to give him a top knot and delete the eyeliner for Wuxia reasons but uh, that’s just Duke.

So long story short, fanart can get you work, don’t even worry about posting that stuff online because most people don’t even know it’s fanart anyway and older ladies freakin love it.

Back in Yugioh, the team was doing their best to navigate a map through the woods and they do about as well as they normally do.

And inside Tristan lifted up the floorboards and was like “I found the only way out, this is it, this is the only way.”

And they ended up in something that has a color scheme I would actually associate with a jungle. Finally. We have finally left California (in order to go to another Hell.)

Youknow, when we went to California, we visited Hell, and when we went to India, we also took a stop at the nearest death destination. There’s just so much death on this show and sometimes I forget because there’s been a ghost in our party for so freakin long it’s been normalized.

(read more death imagery under the cut)

Joey freaks out at a flock of crows and reveals in this episode something I never realized about him before.

Like I’m not always the perfect observer as I’m sure you’ve noticed, but I love that this is canon for probably only this episode, but I will never forget it for the entirety of this series.

You go on hating birds, Joey.

Bro was like “Maybe it’s a deep cut about Mai Valentine because she’s a harpy lady” but eh...pretty sure we spent like an entire season of Joey telling us that Mai was a good experience? Would be incredibly funny if immediately after all of S4, Joey was like “You know what? Screw Mai, guys.”

So my thoughts...it’s probably just a literal bird experience. Like I had a friend who hated deer because once she went to a petting zoo, got some pellets to feed the deer, but her finger was sticking up, so when the deer came over to nibble on some pellets her finger went up it’s nose by accident. She was so disgusted by this event that was entirely her fault, that she brought up how much she hated deer basically whenever we saw one.

So like...maybe Joey fed a bird wrong at a petting zoo. I can see him getting bit by a parrot because he was too Joey Wheeler.

But now that we’re in a graveyard neighborhood, Pharaoh decides to hop out because there’s a lot of ghosts here and he needs to practice socializing with his peers.

So that’s just a Yugioh monster doing the ostrich dance, right? Like this is a meme from like 2010 but on Yugioh in 2003(4?)

Good to see the Ostrich dance here in the land before Vine.

So they pull out their Pokemon to do some antics, Tea looked like she was about to do something useful, and Yami does a yump across time and space to get her as far away from playing (not)cards as quickly as possible and y’all...sure was a position these animators animated.

Holy crap.

And I was going off about that scene last season where they woke up in the same bed like...

...have these two been together this entire time? Like together together?

They’re like...way more comfortable than you’d figure they’d be considering Yugi nearly passes out every time he gets a hug. But Yami just like....How long has this been going on? As long as Joey’s fear of birds?

Like obviously this show would never cover what the hell Yugi may be thinking about this overreaching move here, because we’re gonna gloss right over that, and just run away up a flight of stairs. No one mentions this ever again. Which is mind blowing for an anime to do. I think in most anime I watch, the kids would be like “ahh ahhhh I bumped into a booooob!” like it does for I want to say every other episode of My Hero Academia. But in Yugioh, they saw that low hanging fruit and they were like “we expect a higher level of maturity out of our audience. Now here’s a fleet of ostrich dancing tree monsters with faces for crotches.”

They decided to sprint up this flight of stairs, and it enough of a slope to deter the monsters who are only unbalanced weird legs.

I want us to take a moment and admire this background painting. I can’t unsee the rocks that are all the same size, just piled on top of eachother. Did Alexander the Great just plop rocks here--or was the mountain made up of tons of similarly shaped boulders?

Like there’s a lot of nice bg’s in this arc, don’t get me wrong, but this one...I’m just trying to wrap my head around the logic of it.

At the top, they meet a pantheon, that is immediately blocked by this wall, because if this arc had a tagline, it’s “Yugi gets inconvenienced every 4 seconds.”

Bro was like “Clearly they would have pushed it over if Tea wasn’t slacking off” and like...she is actually. Look at her. Only used one hand? Slacker.

Joey was disappointed he couldn’t push over a massive wall, and the team decided not to analyze how much Joey Wheeler thinks of his own strength and instead fixate on these statues.

Usually in anthro characters they kinda look birdlike but act human. But what about an anthro that’s just a bird? Like human torso, but can turn his head 180 degrees? Yugioh made me ask this question.

And then Joey was like “wait, there may be a solution that isn’t just to use brute strength!”

Youknow it is a bummer that Kaiba couldn’t witness Joey own a dragon while he himself only has a robot jet dragon. Although, the jet is probably faster, stronger and overall...better than this baby dragon. It would have been great for Kaiba to witness Joey under-utilize this dragon and forget he has it for like huge swatches of the episode.

And then Grandpa pulled some body horror out of nowhere.

Wow.

I mean that is really gross.

I guess Grandpa can’t use Blue eyes, because Kaiba ripped it up, Grandpa can’t use Exodia because Weevil tossed it off a boat, and grandpa can’t use the card that’s just a building because...it’s a building.

So instead Grandpa has a bunch of meat and bones that look like something out of Doom. It’s probably from a more obscure Konami property, but I forget which.

I’ve seen Tristan hold back Joey in this hold, first time it’s been Tea.

So much shipping in this episode, it’s wild.

It’s also wild how low my standards are for what could possibly be shipping when it comes to Yugioh because of how freakin tepid all of these characters are, which as I’ve brought up before, I really don’t mind.

So Yugi decides that because Grandpa was folding his arms like one monster and it made a gem light up or something, to just do the video game thing and use the giant ass statues as clues.

Why was this arc not a video game? Like parts of it really feel like it was meant to be.

So Yugi falls down a hole, where the walls cave in like it’s that dumpster in Star Wars but like...it barely phases him.

Also...Yugi might be able to see in the dark. It’s never been brought up but like...the more I think about it...has Yugi ever struggled to see without the lights on?

After Joey disappoints everyone, he confronts death.

And Pharaoh and Yugi decide to solve the puzzle of “how do I get out of this trap dungeon room” which, honestly, is probably what they’re doing every time they hang out in the brain pyramid.

So they summon their mascot monster, and surprisingly the show decided its ability to fly cannot help them out here.

Kuriboh manages to become enough of a doormat to push Yami up to the stone and they end up in a set of weird cuts that ended in this?

Like seriously it was like flashes of light and then they were just...up here like this.

Hey like...

Alexander the Great, my man...

Were you planning to put that stone in the middle of a exhaust vent hoping someone would touch it? Because there’s no way anyone would rationally have done that. You would need to fly to do it. This is the world’s worst DM.

Like Yugioh pulls a lot of fantasy nonsense but this arc is a lot more like a “it’s a kid’s show, just go with it.” arc than most of them. It’s not a bad vibe, necessarily, it’s just not the vibe I’m used to.

So once I witnessed maybe the most boring conversation I’ve ever witnessed about corn (this was on a twitch stream, by the way, a guy was playing an interesting game, and then a guest came on and started talking about corn and plants for 2 hours) and they would not shut up about how all taxonomy is wrong because there are no such thing as trees and how all animals are labelled incorrectly, and then they started comparing it to like all sorts of mushrooms and phytoplankton as you would if you clearly got a little bit high before dumping your corn knowledge on a twitch stream.

Anyway, after that bizarre experience I suffered so I could learn how to play an obscure video game, I think I can safely say, that while I know everyone here thinks a bird can’t be a dog. If you’re a high biologist: a bird is absolutely a dog. Apparently you can just do that if you’re the most boring biologist alive and no one will argue with you because to do that would involve talking to you. We’ll just say a bird is a dog and no one can fight me or I will talk about the corn book that this guest on this twitch chat was thinking about renting from the library about the different types of corn mutations inherent in freakin Indiana. Therefore, Joey’s fear of birds and dogs is same.

So they use Dark Magician to save them from the statues, and Yugi busts into the pantheon again because they got to open this casket before a time limit that I kind of forgot about, tbh.

And inside the casket, is...this thing!

(enjoy this line on the bottom of the image I don’t feel like fixing it)

And you may say to yourself...it looks like it’s just floating in mid-air, that’s silly, and so I want to introduce you to the next panel where you can see that it is...quite literally...just floating in the air like a video game.

and it just slurps itself onto Yugi before he can be like “nonono.”

Wasn’t there some horror movie where you were stuck in some sort of body brace that slowly tortures you (was that Saw?) This has that vibes. Like man that looks uncomfortable to wear over a jacket and two belts and a collar that is another belt.

That and I...I gotta appreciate that Yugi popped his collar while wearing body armor and chunky necklace. What 00′s fashion appreciation right there.

Bit like...this isn’t breathable, right? Like Yugi’s gonna finally take this thing off and his jacket will just be completely soaked in sweat?

Anyway, that’s it for this post, next week we’ll see if Yugi can walk through a doorway in that thing.

Also, I can’t bring up the ostrich dance without sharing the vines of my generation

youtube

#Yugioh #YGO #yu gi oh #photo recap #episode recap #S5 #Ep19 #Yugi Muto #Joey Wheeler #Joey's fear of birds I've never heard about until this episode #Tea Gardner #Grandpa Muto #Tristan Taylor #Baby Dragon #This weird ass tranformer that Yugi is wearing.

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melanielocke · 3 years

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Lost in the Shadows - Chapter 25

AO3

Taglist: @nott-the-best @foxglove-airmid @alastair-esfandiyar-carstairs1 @justanormaldemon @styxdrawings @ipromiseiwillwrite @a-dream-dirty-and-bruised@alastair-appreciation-month

Previous Chapter: Chapter 24

Next Chapter: Chapter 26

Uncle Jem had brought several of the Carstairs family’s old notebooks, and the past week they’d spend studying them to see if there was anything interesting. They’d rescued Grace, but no one had been able to find Tatiana since, nor did they know what they were up against exactly and if they could defeat it. Cordelia believed cortana could kill it, but walking in with no plan would just get them all killed.

Thomas felt like they were running out of time. He hadn’t told anyone yet, but he felt tired lately, much more than usual. For Alastair that was normal, he guessed, Alastair was always tired and therefore Thomas had no reason to complain. Still, it was odd and sudden. Then he’d gotten a bit of a headache, and right now he struggled to finish his lunch, which was already much smaller than what he usually ate. He’d eaten much less than he usually did the past days, truth to be told. He just didn’t have the same appetite. He was feeling a little chilly too, but guessed he should just put on a cardigan.

‘Are you alright, Tommy?’ his mother asked. ‘You’ve been eating so little lately.’

‘Just nervous, that’s all,’ Thomas said.

The thing was, Thomas didn’t usually eat less when he was nervous. If anything he ate more, he’d always been a stress eater. Instead he figured he was coming down with something. Someone else might just have said, ‘I think I’m getting sick, I’m going to rest a bit’, but after a childhood of frequent illness and worrying parents Thomas couldn’t get the words over his lips. He’d make sure to rest a bit more, he told himself. But he didn’t want to worry anymore, and he especially didn’t want his parents to start taking care of him like they used to when he was young.

Instead, he returned his attention to Alastair, who had long finished eating and gone outside to read. A ray of sunlight fell on his cheek, illuminating his warm golden brown skin. His eyes were fixated in a journal so old it looked like it might fall apart any moment. Not in Alastair’s careful hands though. He was holding the journal with meticulous care, so no damage would come to it. With his free hand, he pushed a lock of hair behind his ear, but it was not yet long enough to stay there so it fell back in front of his face. Back in school, Alastair would slick his hair back with hair gel, always perfectly in order, not a hair out of place. Thomas, who usually took a comb through his hair and left it at that, had wondered where he found the time. Now it was falling in soft wavy locks over his face. At school Thomas would never have guessed Alastair’s hair was wavy, but it was loose now and Thomas had grown to love gently running his fingers through it. He’d always loved Alastair’s dark hair, he thought. Alastair had shown him a picture from when he’d dyed it blonde, and although that looked alright, Thomas thought his dark hair was much more beautiful.

‘Anything interesting?’ Thomas asked, sitting down on the bench next to Alastair.

A gnome came up to his feet. Thomas and his mother had been feeding them to gain their trust, and not long since the gnomes had learnt that Thomas meant a chance for food. He guessed there were still plenty of cookies he didn’t feel like eating at the moment anyway, but he also wasn’t motivated to go into the kitchen and get anything. Thomas guessed resisting that adorable smile was good practice for when he got pets.

‘Nothing yet,’ Alastair said. ‘But I think I’m getting to the part that described that witch. It might give us some clues about what else Lucie can do.’

‘Have you discussed with Cordelia where you’ll live after the summer?’ Thomas asked.

Alastair had confided in him that even if his mother managed to get back the house and could go and live there, he was considering moving in with uncle Jem for the time being. His father’s house held too many bad memories, and Thomas could understand it would not be good for his recovery to live there again. Alastair had not yet made a decision, but Thomas thought it might be good for him.

‘She has not yet decided what she’ll do,’ Alastair said. ‘She is a bit young to live without her mother after all. Besides, with our mother pregnant it would be better to have someone with her. If she doesn’t get the house back, I presume she would stay with Risa and with me gone there might be enough space for Cordelia as well. But I’m almost nineteen, I figured it might be time to move out. Even if I’m moving in with another relative instead of getting my own place.’

‘That’s just practical, living on your own would be expensive. Besides, Jem won’t be another parent, will he? So you’ll still get to practice your adulting skills in a relatively safe environment. Does Jem live far away from your mother?’

‘Completely different part of London, but still in the city,’ Alastair said. ‘Easy to travel to university from there. It’s a big house, so I’ll really have my own space and get to take care of myself, with Jem still there in case I can’t. I’ve lived there until I was about six. When I was still happy, there are no bad memories tied up to that place. I thought maybe I could be happy again there.’

‘Where does Jem live exactly?’ Thomas asked.

Alastair gently put the notebook away, closing it carefully and putting it down in his lap. He took his phone out of the pocket of his jeans, showing him a screen of google maps with a marker where Jem lived.

‘Oh, that’s not far from where my parents live,’ Thomas said. ‘Only a few stops with the metro. We live close to the station.’

‘I didn’t realize. Well, that’s convenient. Makes it easy to have sleep overs or go out together if we don’t live too far away.’

‘Precisely,’ Thomas said. ‘Would you like to go for a walk when you’re finished here? A short one, I am a little tired. But I’d like some fresh air.’

Alastair carefully bound up his notebook and put it on the table inside with the others, before coming with him.

‘It’s safer to bring Lucie,’ Alastair said. ‘In case we get trapped in between again.’

Alastair had a point, although Thomas would like some time alone with him. He was so busy at work all the time, ever since Jem had arrived he was preoccupied with the journals. Thomas missed their walks.

‘Alright, we’ll walk to uncle Will and aunt Tessa and ask her and Cordelia to come. I’m curious if uncle Gabriel and aunt Cecily are coming this way too. Jem said they were struggling to find a babysitter.’

‘Right, for little Alexander,’ Alastair said.

‘And Christopher,’ Thomas added. ‘My other cousin. He’s almost seven now.’

‘What’s he like?’ Alastair asked.

‘Different from Alexander, that’s for sure,’ Thomas said. ‘Alexander is a menace. Sweet, but fierce and hyperactive and if you don’t watch him for two seconds he’s swinging from the curtains somewhere. Christopher… he’s not as wild. He’s curious and is obsessed with science. He likes to do simple experiments, and we sometimes have to keep him from setting things on fire. I’m not sure he realizes “Don’t try this at home” applies to him as well. Fortunately, putting on a science show on tv usually keeps him from blowing anything up. Usually, my sisters and I babysit them when necessary, but he also adores uncle Henry, who is an inventor.’

It occurred to Thomas that Henry was Charles’ father. Sometimes children did not resemble their parents, he guessed. It had been a bit of a shock for everyone to learn that Charles had been Alastair’s former lover. Even if not everyone knew how awful he’d been to Alastair, they all had pieced together how much older Charles was. His father most of all had been horrified, since he’d known Charles since he was a baby. Thomas suspected he’d go confront Charles himself if Alastair hadn’t asked him not to. He knew Alastair was still ashamed of his past relationship and was still trying to make sense of it all. Thomas was glad he’d found trust in him and his parents, even if Thomas suspected Alastair still kept the worst of it to himself. Who could blame him? He wasn’t sure if Alastair finally believed his parents cared about him now, but at least he seemed to trust them which was a big step for Alastair. His mother had told him about her past and how she’d gotten her scar in an attempt to let him know he could talk about it and she understood.

‘As a child I had a phase where I liked science too,’ Alastair said. ‘I think I often had phases like that with different interests. When Cordelia and I were very young, we both loved architecture and played with all sorts of building toys and legos together. I also really liked math for a while. Then the animals from the forests in Devon. I lived there for a while in a small village. I think that’s when I grew a bit obsessed with hedgehogs.’

‘Christopher has been obsessed with science for some time now,’ Thomas said. ‘But we’ll see how it goes and what he’ll like in the future. He’s being assessed for autism and ADHD. He’s a sweet kid, but he struggles socially. Not a lot of friends unfortunately. I honestly think he prefers my company over his peers.’

‘I know what that’s like,’ Alastair said. ‘To be the child with the weird interests and never fit in with other children.’

‘You lived in Devon for a while. What was it like there?’

‘The scenery was amazing. The forests there are beautiful. The people… not so much, I prefer London.’

‘I lived in the countryside for a couple of years too when I was little, for my health. I think where I lived the people were nicer, more involved than in the city.’

Alastair made a face. ‘Not when you’re foreign and your mother wears a roosari. The people in Devon are mostly white. I don’t think Father really considered that when he moved us there, it was mostly about him. They might be kind if you’re part of their group, but they’re hostile to outsiders. Fortunately, we moved back after a couple of years.’

‘Ah, of course,’ Thomas said. ‘I’m sorry.’ He felt stupid for not considering that earlier.

‘Well, people are racist everywhere. But at least in London there are more people of color and people are at least used to the idea that not everyone’s white.’ My mother still gets dirty stares and comments for her roosari, but she’s not the only one who covers her hair. So while in Devon, I much preferred to spend my time in the woods looking for hedgehogs than with other people. I guess I still do.’

Thomas felt a bit numb in his head, shivering even if it wasn’t cold at all. Perhaps going for a walk wasn’t the best idea, but he wanted to spend some time outside just the same. He should have brought something warm to wear, was all. He wasn’t really sick, it was just not as warm as he’d expected. But Alastair wasn’t shivering at all, he seemed to enjoy the sun on his skin. Thomas did too but it didn’t bring him any warmth.

‘You need to go back for a cardigan?’ Alastair asked. ‘There are goosebumps all over your arms.’

‘Oh. No, I’ll be fine.’

Thomas felt faint in the head and by the time they made it to the Herondale’s house, his vision became a little blurry and he collapsed against the door. He was awfully nauseous yet didn’t feel like he was going to throw up. Alastair noticed his sudden movement and his reflexes were quick. He tried to catch him.

‘Why are you so goddamn heavy, Tom,’ he groaned, trying and failing to stop both of them from crashing into the door.

Leaning against Alastair and the door, Thomas pushed himself upright again, blinking a couple of times until he felt he could stand on his own feet again. Alastair’s soft fingers went from his cheek to his forehead, and Thomas immediately recognized what he was doing. It was the same thing his parents and sisters had done his entire childhood. If they didn’t have a thermometer at hand, they’d feel his forehead, his neck, and determine if he was allowed to go anywhere. Alastair was going to determine he was sick and then all that was left was for everyone to tuck him into bed and start taking care of him. Thomas had hoped to avoid that.

‘You’re burning up,’ Alastair said. ‘You should not be going outside, much less for a walk. Come, we’re here anyway, I’m sure you could use the couch.’

Alastair led him inside, one arm around his waist and the other in his hand, and packed him in blankets on the couch, fetching a thermometer and some paracetamol.

‘Alastair,’ Thomas said, trying to piece together words through the headache and light headedness.

‘Just let me get this,’ Alastair said, pushing the thermometer into Thomas’ ear.

‘Alastair,’ Thomas repeated.

’38,6,’ Alastair said. ‘Tom, you have a serious fever. Why didn’t you say anything? I’ll make you some tea, just relax.’

‘Alastair!’ Thomas yelled, startling the boy.

‘What’s wrong?’

‘Please don’t. I can make my own tea, I can take my own temperature,’ Thomas said, trying to calm his breath. ‘I hate it when people take care of me. I told you about my sickness as a child. I don’t want things to be like that again, I don’t want to be taken care of. So please, don’t. Just let me do it.’

Alastair sat down next to him. ‘You were about to walk into the woods with a fever. I’ve seen how stubborn you are.’

‘Yes. I am stubborn. I didn’t realize it would be so bad. But please, let me make these mistakes by myself. I don’t want to be treated like a sick child again.’ Thomas paused, blinking away the tears in his eyes. He didn’t realize this would make him so emotional. ‘I always loved that about you, how you believed I could take anything. How you didn’t treat me as if I was fragile because I was small and used to get sick.’

Alastair sighed. ‘I was an ass to you, Tom. It had nothing to do with respect, or thinking you’re strong.’

‘I know, and it did hurt sometimes. But I loved that you believed I could take it. I knew you didn’t mean any of the things you said, and with me, it was always a bit more light hearted, teasing perhaps.

But you never forced me to go to bed and rest when I did not want it. Matthew grew up around me being sick all the time, and I think he learnt from a young age that I was fragile and to be taken care of. James too. But I never wanted that. I’ll rest, I promise. But I’ll make my own tea, alright?’

‘I’m sorry, Tom. You can make your own tea. Make some for me as well?’

Alastair settled onto the couch while Thomas went into the kitchen to put on the kettle, still wrapped in a blanket. He was too cold to go without it. While waiting for the kettle to boil, Thomas realized Alastair did have a point, he could barely stand upright. Still, he was determined to at least do this. If he wanted anything later, he could always ask Alastair. He picked out a selection of tea bags for Alastair and put in a herbal teabag for his own. Thomas didn’t believe herbal tea cured sickness, but it was worth a shot.

He settled back on the couch, wrapped the blankets back around himself and took two paracetamol, hoping that would at least lower the fever.

‘I really can’t believe you think of my being rude to you as something positive,’ Alastair said. ‘I made fun of your height all the time.’

Thomas shrugged from underneath the blanket. ‘I never minded when you called me pipsqueak or wee little Thomas, or, I don’t know, you had plenty to say.’

Alastair raised an eyebrow. ‘You certainly took your revenge.’

Thomas tried to find a comfortable position on the couch, blankets around him. Alastair did have a point with the paracetamol, and Thomas took two. Hopefully they’d lower his fever.

‘Perhaps I’ll start calling you pipsqueak,’ Thomas said. ‘The name suits you much better now.’

Alastair made an undignified sound. ‘I’m not that short.’

‘You’re plenty shorter than me,’ Thomas said. ‘I always kind of liked it, pipsqueak. It sounded sweet even if you meant it to be hurtful. Sometimes I feel like you never really did a good job at being mean anyway.’

‘I never wanted to hurt anyone,’ Alastair said, ‘and I did have a bit of a weak spot for you then. I can be even worse than what you’ve seen, but I save that for bigots.’

Thomas put his hand on Alastair’s cheek. ‘I always thought you were holding back on being mean, even if you could still be quite vicious. But pipsqueak is mine now.’

Alastair looked mortified. ‘I guess I can’t stop you, can I?’

Thomas lay down on the couch, head on a pillow. Why were all these blankets so small? His feet were still cold and he’d have to find a solution for that. Really, blankets should be made for tall people. Nobody short would complain about having a bit of leftover blanket.

‘It’s concerning, that you’re getting sick after all these years,’ Alastair said softly.

‘It’s nothing,’ Thomas said. ‘Everyone gets a fever every once in a while.’

‘I haven’t had a fever in years. Colds, at times, but rarely a fever,’ Alastair said.

‘You don’t get the flu?’ Thomas asked.

‘Not that I remember,’ Alastair said. ‘But I figured that’s just the age, as a child I would get the occasional fever like all children do, and I imagine I’ll get them again when I’m older.’

Thomas had gotten the flu a couple of time over the past years. Never anything serious or with abnormal frequency, but it had sent the entire family into a panic whenever it happened.

‘Please don’t tell my parents,’ Thomas said. ‘That I’m sick, I mean.’

‘How did you plan to keep it from them?’ Alastair asked.

‘Well, I was hoping I’d be better by the next morning,’ Thomas said. ‘I could sleep over here and then when I’m better pretend nothing happened.’

Alastair was skeptical. ‘I really don’t think you’ll feel better that soon, even if it is a normal flu.’

Lucie and Cordelia entered the room through the garden door, Cordelia turning her sword back into the familiar necklace. ‘Those are a lot of blankets,’ Lucie pointed out. She was right, and Thomas moved them around a bit so at least the biggest blanket would cover his feet, reaching up to his waist.

‘We wanted to revisit the ruins,’ Cordelia said. ‘See if there’s anything else that can give us information on Tatiana or the thief of souls. I was wondering if you would be coming.’

‘Thomas is sick,’ Alastair said.

‘Don’t stay behind on my behalf,’ Thomas said.

Alastair frowned. ‘You sure? I would gladly stay here with you.’

‘I think I’m going to get some sleep anyway,’ Thomas said. ‘Please don’t trouble yourself on my behalf. Go, I’ll still be here when you get back.’

‘Get well soon,’ Lucie said, putting her arms around him briefly. ‘You know how the tv works in case you want to watch a movie.’

‘I’ll be alright, Lu. Good luck with your mission.’

Thomas wanted to believe he had just caught the flu. Bad luck, nothing more. But perhaps that wasn’t the case. Perhaps he wouldn’t get better. Perhaps this meant they were running out of time.

#Thomas Lightwood #Alastair Carstairs #Lucie Herondale #Cordelia Carstairs #Thomastair #Lucelia #fanfiction #the last hours #tlh

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shihalyfie · 3 years

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02′s themes in relation to its finale

By “finale” I don’t mean “epilogue”, but rather the final battle and confrontation that make up 02 episodes 48-50. Generally speaking, 02 is a series that is much less about progression of plot events as much as it’s about theme and message, and my feeling is that this becomes increasingly so the deeper you get into its second half and approach its ending. Narratively speaking, we need a big, bad enemy to beat up in a fight, but if we shift our perspective a bit, what does this finale say as a close to 02′s themes and concepts?

The thin boundary between good and evil

Our major enemy for the first half of the series was the Digimon Kaiser, who was later established to be the very naturally kind Ichijouji Ken -- which is a pretty massive swerve, considering that most series with “reformed villains” would usually make them a bit of an edgelord who happens to be a little nicer. But instead, the series goes very deep into the psyche of what could make such a kind child be tipped over the edge, and, even though it’s all revealed to be accelerated by supernatural interference, it’s made very clear that his own trauma and insecurity was most of what did it.

So, anyway, it’s revealed in the end that the “final mastermind” behind it all was none other than Vamdemon, an effective midboss from Adventure. Vamdemon’s popularity aside, this initially seems like a very strange choice. But looking at some statements about 02′s initial planning is somewhat revealing: the original planned concept for the final boss was a Digimon that would ultimately be reduced to only “an idea” (and was rejected on the grounds of being too gory for the Sunday morning kids’ timeslot). When you think about this original concept of “a Digimon that had been reduced to only an idea,” that explains the initially odd-seeming combo of defeating a Digimon with the combined power of idealistic positivity, because it’s a plot point that would certainly make more sense if said Digimon had been reduced to a spirit of malice.

However, the interesting part about this is that the replacement for this original final boss was not Vamdemon but Oikawa and his lackeys, which means that, substantially, the real “final enemy” of this story is actually Oikawa, and the ideological questions he poses for the Chosen Children and those around them. Vamdemon may be the “mastermind” from a plot perspective, but, ironically, his important role is actually to define Oikawa’s narrative -- and, as if to drive this in further, he’s not even voiced by his original voice actor from Adventure (Ohtomo Ryuuzaburou), but Oikawa’s own, Morikawa Toshiyuki (and this voice change is actually pointed out in the series proper, too).

So why Vamdemon and not just a random spirit of malice? Well...

Vamdemon’s presence specifically establishes the precise moment in time Oikawa lost complete control of himself -- and, more widely, establishes the connection between himself as a “Chosen Child who could never become one”. Prior to this episode, we knew that Hida Hiroki’s death and their shared childhood had some relevance to Oikawa’s downfall, but the August 3 “Odaiba fog” incident in 1999 is the exact moment where everything could completely crash down in front of Oikawa’s eyes, with Hida Hiroki having just died, and Oikawa personally witnessing Digimon, the Digital World, and the Chosen Children (and boy, the way this scene is framed with him right next to the waterfront, you might even wonder what he might have done with himself had Vamdemon not interfered...). The Digital World didn’t have a huge amount of contact with the world before then -- in fact, Oikawa not being able to make much contact is a huge part of his character arc -- which basically leaves this as one of the only moments you can have this exact moment of Oikawa being ready to go over the deep end in this way. All of his regrets, of never being able to make proper contact with the Digital World, of Hiroki having died and left him alone, are ready for him in this exact moment -- as his own lackey Archnemon had said earlier, “human weaknesses are easy to manipulate.”

Moreover, of all of the “entities of malice” that made up Adventure’s villains, Vamdemon’s the only one who brought it all the way over to the real world (where the majority of 02′s conflict is set). This brief moment of contact with the real world was established in 02 episode 14 to be the defining moment of “contact” that would lead to Daisuke and Iori becoming Chosen Children. Particularly in the case of Iori, you can see the parallel -- Hiroki’s death and the resulting incident here would shape Iori’s strive to become a model citizen and a hero as a Chosen Child, whereas the exact same incidents shaped Oikawa’s descent into villainy.

Oikawa’s “sacrifice” in the end is not really a sacrifice in terms of sacrificing his life -- it’s said outright that his body is deteriorating, and so he would have died either way. What Oikawa does sacrifice is the ability to take one more step and make proper contact with Pipimon -- it is explicitly stated that he has to use the power of the dream world to grant his wish, meaning that he would never be able to take a proper step into the Digital World as a human, and therefore would never truly be able to have his initial wish granted in the way he originally wanted.

Thus, Oikawa leaves off with one last “regret” -- that, perhaps, if things had been different, he could have been just like the Chosen Children, going on “adventures” like them. But Iori points out right after that he did achieve his dream in some sense -- he got to reunite with the Digital World, and he did get to meet his partner, and so: it’s all about mentality. All of what happened to Oikawa was because of his own closed-in way of seeing himself and his place in the world, instead of being able to move on productively from his perception of what he “could and couldn’t do”.

In the end, Iori, the one who had once been so cold towards the idea of anything remotely associated with evil, is the one to guide him to that answer, and the other Chosen Children, who had previously not been very sympathetic towards him, still grieve over his death because they understand what it means to have a partner, and the sense of loss it would entail to be separated from one. It’s the one commonality they all can understand, and in the end, none of them were really all that different; it was just what they chose to do with what they had.

This is especially because we see extensive flashbacks of Oikawa in 02 episode 47, and his design is that of a completely average adult in 02, nothing like the “look at this instant villain!” design he had during the course of the series. Oikawa was, for all intents and purposes, a completely average person who had dreams that he shared with his friend, dreams that they carried into adulthood -- it took this little to push Oikawa over the edge, and yet the things that did it were the exact same things that, in a different context, Iori took to become a Chosen Child who fought him on the other side.

False happiness and pointless fixations

Tying into Oikawa’s fixation with “regrets” and an unhealthy mentality about his own position, Oikawa blames his inability to go to the Digital World in 02 episode 48 on himself being a “tainted adult”, not recognizing that it’s his own having fallen off the deep end that’s the likely reason he’s being rejected. Oikawa is, effectively, maintaining a fixation on “regrets” and a past he can’t get back; he’s still stuck on the image of his happy childhood playing with Hiroki, and all of the things he “couldn’t do” as a child after having his initial contact with the Digital World cut off. The ending reveals that he had met Pipimon before, and so you can interpret everything he’d done beforehand -- including creating two Digimon that are ultimately his “minions” more than they’re his actual “partners” (and were ultimately ripped away from him by the very same malicious spirit that represents his nihilism) -- as an attempt to reconnect with that partner, even if it resulted in him forgetting his actual purpose.

Beyond that, the Chosen Children themselves are momentarily sidetracked by a “fixation” of sorts --

02 is a series about “accepting things and moving forward”, so each of the illusions presented by BelialVamdemon have to do with a fixation that’s holding each respective kid back:

Takeru’s idea of seeing his family together again might not be completely impossible, but it’s probably not happening anytime soon -- and, as far as 02 episode 17 and 47 showed us, relations are at least improving and everyone else is doing a much better job of actually moving on and accepting the current state of affairs than he is.

Iori’s fixated on the idea of being able to please and be with a father who’s long dead (again, his issue is technically the same one Oikawa’s fixating over).

Hikari’s fixated on a future idea and dream that she wants to see pass, which won’t happen unless she can proactively work towards it now (and the 02 epilogue itself establishes that getting there won’t be all sunshine and roses).

Miyako’s fixated on her surface mood of stress and a desire to escape it, only to be confronted with the fact that it doesn’t actually make her all that happy either.

Ken’s fixated on ideas of “punishment” and “forgiveness” that ultimately won’t get him anywhere.

In the end, the one to avoid it is the most “forward-thinking” of all of them, Daisuke, who’s least likely to get caught up in such fixations. But even he has this to say:

Daisuke understands that not everyone is as simple-minded as him, and that’s not inherently a bad thing -- it’s just that when you need to go forward, you need to go forward (and people who exploit others’ weaknesses against them are still unforgivable jerks). You need to accept that things are the way they are at current, and use the information you get from it to keep moving forward and do something productive with it rather than clinging onto things you can’t have to the point you can’t do anything. Nobody was giving anyone shame for having those internal worries that BelialVamdemon plagued them with -- it’s just that staying in there forever, instead of moving on with important things they had to do, wouldn’t be good for them either.

Hence, that’s what Oikawa actually sacrificed -- he had a choice to use his final moments to spend his remaining short time with his partner that he’d spent so long unconsciously chasing after, but he instead decides to do something to help the Digital World and reverse some of the damage he’d personally caused instead of continuing to fixate on that regret. At the very least, he can continue to be with Pipimon in some other sense, even if it’s not what he originally wanted.

The pressure to be a “perfect person” as imposed by society; the conflict between that and pursuing one’s own happiness

In the last section, I mentioned that Oikawa was the kind of person who fixated on regrets about what he “couldn’t do” during his childhood. You can identify a bit of what was leading up to this in the prior episodes:

We learn in 02 episode 47 that Iori’s grandfather Chikara made the mistake of barring Hiroki and Oikawa from getting too deep into their connection with the Digital World, considering it “nonsense”, which led to the two of them becoming disconnected from it and continuing to wistfully chase after it -- which also led to Oikawa being driven further over the deep end when Hiroki, the only person who understood that, died.

Moreover, Oikawa ended up developing a complex not entirely unlike the Kaiser’s fixation with being a “perfect” person in the first half -- and, just like how he blames his inability to enter the Digital World on being a “tainted adult”, he fails to have the self-awareness that it’s this exact nihilism keeping him out of it, taking even further offense at the idea of him being a “tainted existence” (because of what he’s embracing) and deciding that his reaction needs to be sinking even deeper into it. And while he implants the Dark Seeds into the children with the intent of exploiting their power, he also indicates that he thinks he’s doing them a favor by enabling that ideology of “becoming a perfect person” within them.

Remembering that the final battle in this series is not necessarily about the physical fight as much as it’s about the ideology that Oikawa espoused, in the end, what Oikawa really “implanted” in these kids along with the Dark Seeds was the pressure that they should sacrifice their happiness to be “perfect” people. The Chosen Children reach out to them by asking about their dreams, and the children list off careers that have certainly gotten their parents scorning them for not being “good enough” for them, or gotten them mocked by other people (Hiroshi says that he gave up on his manga artist dreams because people laughed at him for it). In the end, “the pressure to be ambitious” is pressure in itself -- what if what you really want isn’t ambitious as much as it’s something that makes you and others happy (like, for instance, ramen making)? And especially when you’re a child -- shouldn’t this be the time when you enjoy yourself to the fullest?

This is even alluded to in Ken’s Spring 2003 track, in terms of how he and Osamu weren’t able to enjoy their childhood because of that pressure:

You were demanded to grow up fast, weren’t you, Brother? Because we were always being evaluated and compared by someone, we didn’t get a chance to have more freedom. We didn’t have any chances to run down an alley because we felt like it, or pull up weeds, or tumble around… meaningless things, things that didn’t bring any value to us at all. Just like the cat napping on the roof… we weren’t able to fully enjoy any everlasting freedom.

Like Ken and Osamu, the Dark Seed children accepted the Seeds because they decided that it would be better to trade in their happiness in exchange for getting closer to that ideal of “perfection”, only to destroy their own selves in the process. Which is accentuated when acknowledging their own selves is what leads to them meeting their own Digimon partners.

Takeru had said, earlier, that the Digimon will appear if you wish them to -- and given that a Digimon partner is a metaphor for the inner self, it says a lot that the point here is “the key to connecting with your partner is to connect with your actual self”. Like how Ken managed to reunite with Wormmon in 02 episode 23 by accepting everything about himself and resolving to live with it, and how Oikawa will later meet Pipimon after having come to terms with what he was actually looking for the entire time.

And in the end, what we see of Vamdemon isn’t really all that different from the original “reduced to an idea” concept we got from the original 02 final boss concept -- remember that BelialVamdemon has effectively become the incarnation of Oikawa’s own nihilistic ideology; perhaps he took on a lot more than just a voice actor! Actually, the whole sequence in 02 episode 50 with everyone listing off their dreams and destroying BelialVamdemon part by part is relatively similar in substance to the original proposal (the staff must have been really attached to that idea). And, hence, why what destroys him for good is the combined feelings of everyone together, resolving to move forward instead of chasing after meaningless things.

Oikawa ultimately recognizes that what was holding him back was his own mentality -- everyone here, Ken, the Dark Seed children, and Oikawa himself, all thought they were becoming “strong” and “perfect” people by ignoring them, but instead ended up as pawns for others, and all of these people could have found better ways to cope with their problems through embracing themselves and finding support, and would have come closer to those “dreams” while they were at it. Instead, Oikawa exploited others and clung onto shallow symbols because he thought that kind of straightforward idealism was an impossible route for him, and locked himself out of all of it. But in the end, he’s able to do something -- he’s able to use his “dreams” to have the Digital World healed -- and with that, is able to have his last moments in happiness.

Incidentally, back in 02 episode 49, Daisuke had even outright said that there’s no inherent issue in striving for self-improvement (after all, both Adventure and 02 were about people slowly getting past their insecurities and becoming better people). Daisuke himself is a person who’s improved a lot over the course of this series! But that’s something you need to do on your own terms and in a way you’re comfortable with -- not forcing yourself into the mold of an “ideal person” at the expense of losing everything about yourself, like Ken, the Dark Seed children, and Oikawa all did at some point.

#digimon #digimon adventure 02 #shihameta

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arkssystems · 2 years

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A letter of comfort to those afraid they are ‘faking’ their disorder...

Trigger warning: some mention of childhood self harm

I want to speak as a person with a pretty firm foothold in these issues. I have very little social media background, but a lot of real life experience in the mental illness category. In that time I’ve seen disorders of all types, from inside the inpatient setting and the partial or outpatient setting, or the rehab setting, the residential treatment setting, or even my experiences meeting random people in real life who had no inkling of how dysfunctional or toxic they really were, who were clearly always in deep emotional pain. Sometimes this category has included my own family.

I don’t think people should spend too much time worrying if their subjective symptoms are “real enough”, or “real”, or “qualify as a disorder”. I think its something of an advantage, even, to have enough curiosity to examine the unhealthy tendencies you may have, or to admit or be willing to confront a potential disorder, let alone seek help. I’ve had some speckled experiences with the mental health industry, but I think most suffering individuals benefit greatly from confronting their past and their present with a caring and learned professional, especially if they have supportive family or friends that can help them find the right practitioner.

One of the most harmful things I think people in the mental health spectrum at young ages can really do to each other is accuse each other of faking or not being good enough to suffer. I will give an example. I was a 12 year old child fantasizing daily about suicide, and I eventually acted out in self harm. I eventually was brave enough to show a friend, who was unimpressed with how light the scars were. Of course the scars were not the point. The point was that a young kid was acting out their pain for the first time in that way, and the habit did keep as I got older. It worsened, as did the dissociation from underlying issues. My friend not taking me seriously back then reinforced the message that I ought not bother seeking help for my issues, because as I’d suspected, the pain wasn’t real and I wasn’t worthy of having any. This is an attitude that persisted, for me, far too long.

If you are out there with a subjective experience, take yourself seriously and have compassion for your pain. Don’t try to measure your worthiness against some sort of trauma spectrum as if it were a competition, and if looking at social media is reinforcing a message that you’re not a good enough picture of the disorder, look for better support systems in your personal sphere.

The diagnosis thing, for instance. I have an official diagnosis, but I was under no doubt or false pretenses prior to receiving one that my experience was the real deal. This is because I have enough self-respect to hold my subjective experiences in higher regard than the surface appraisal of others, and that is because I’ve run the gamut of mistreatment by others for all sorts of reasons. But I hope that others come to hold their own experiences as similarly sacrosanct, to the extent you are willing to validate your own inner understandings of the world around you. I also think this helps us cope with the disorder and underlying trauma as a day to day lived experience.

I was right about my own subjective experience according to someone with a piece of paper from a school. Fantastic, but it doesn’t change my daily reality one bit. Thank you for correctly diagnosing me, after so many years, however. Many professionals still get these DID diagnosis wrong even in people who are clear presenters of the symptoms. So honor yourself first, and above all. If you are sufficiently honest with yourself, you will intrinsically be aware of your own motivations. If you are in enough pain to want to fake a disorder, I doubt you are just some normie who fell into a bad rabbit hole one night. If you are fixated on the idea you might have something, you probably do.

Oh, and one final note: your therapist or practitioner is not God. They may be above, below, or just average on the scale of competence and/or caring. They may be well educated on your particular disorder, or they may have some kind of inherent bias or false memory syndrome opinion that calls their competence into question. Evaluate your practitioner fairly and dispassionately if you run into a negative emotional experience with them. Experts FAIL, from time to time, and occasionally it takes some time to find one that can understand or honor you. Always remember to seek second or third opinions, if it seems relevant.

#mental health awareness #traumagenic system #traumagenic #did #did osdd

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joshuas · 3 years

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that’s not even ramen

♫ pairing: yang jeongin x gender neutral reader

♫ genre: college/university student!au, slice-of-life, crack, fluff

♫ word count: 3.5k

♫ warnings: nil of note!

♫ summary: a bunch of chaotic misunderstandings, trot singing new years concerts that lead to lots of fluff at the end ^^

♫ tagging: @fluffyskzclub

♫ a/n: happy april fools! my joke is... that i can’t do anything on time and post things that were supposed to be posted in january in april, so without further ado, i present the eighth addition to my seasonal drabbles!

♫ skz seasonal drabbles: 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 8

“I swear, this is the tenth time I’ve heard him sing tonight! If he’s going to continue to do this, he should at least sing a different song.” You sighed, exasperated as you tried to put your three-year-old sister to sleep. Her sleep, of course, being interrupted by your new next-door neighbour, Yang Jeongin. He had taken up trot singing over the last couple of weeks and decided only to practice his singing at 11 pm at night. Which, coincidentally, woke your baby sister up every time. And as if it wasn’t hard enough having sole custody over a sibling let alone having a teaching degree to attend to during the day. Your professors had been understanding of your... predicament after your parents moved out of the picture, but there was only so much patience they could hold. Of course, you couldn’t confront Jeongin about it — you were only acquaintances... barely even friends as you had only known each other through university... and now the thin wall that separated your living quarters. Well, it’d also be too awkward if you did (ugh, social confrontation), which is why you put up with it... Relief flooded through you when you heard the singing cease, sighing as your sister stopped fussing and fell back asleep. It’s not as though Jeongin was a bad singer. In fact, he was quite brilliant. But his singing was not appreciated at ungodly hours. The walls started to pulse as folk music blasted at a deafening volume, snapping you out of your reverie and forcing you to focus back on your crying sibling. You held back a scream, mentally cursing at Jeongin, I swear to God, the next time I see this boy—

“Mina put on your coat, it’s ridiculously cold out! It’s January, remember? And what season is it in Jan—“ You paused, observing the idiot that exited his apartment alongside you, “Oh! Hello, Jeongin—“ He walked away without a word, rushing down the stairs. Rude! First the singing and now he’s ignoring me? Does he have any human decency?

“Hello! Welcome — make sure you sign in your children before you leave!” Your eyes settled on Jeongin, who was beaming at the little kids that entered the daycare, holding out the sign-in sheet, Great and now he works at the only affordable day care. How... pleasant. Wiggling her hand out of your grasp, your sister waddle-ran over to Jeongin, giving him the biggest hug, for him to pick her up and spin her around. Ignoring the skip of your heart, you cooly approached the two of them, silently taking the sign in sheet and signing your name. “You must be Mina’s parent— I’m Jeongin, one of the part-timers here.” He held out his hand, Mina, still in his arms, blocking his view. You shook it, “Not her—“ You broke off as another kid ran to Jeongin, crying as he dragged him inside the daycare. Without turning around, Jeongin waved at you in dismissal. You scoffed, He won’t even acknowledge me at home but now that we’re in public and he’s literally being paid to be a decent human being, he’ll put on a face and pretend to be friendly? No thank you.

You rubbed at your temples, mentally snapping at yourself to focus. Tutorial time was probably the only time you had to yourself to study and get things done. But you know what? That wasn’t happening today. Why? Because of Yang Jeongin infiltrating your thoughts every five seconds. You grumbled to yourself, almost ready to pack up and leave, He should pay rent for how long he’s been living in my head. “Oh wait! Y/N, you’re leaving already?” A voice called out from behind a tower of books in their hands, not long before plonking them down on the table in front of you. You looked up, your gaze meeting Jeongin’s hopeful one. Why is he being so friendly? Especially since he flat out ignored me this morning... “Um... I was planning to. Not that it’s any of your business.” You said coldly, scrunching your eyebrows in confusion at his sudden friendliness. Really, Y/N? You’re being like this just because he snubbed you this morning? Okay, wait that’s pretty valid. Ignoring the little “no it’s not” in your head, you maintained your cold demeanour. “Oh. Um. Sorry. I was just asking because I was hoping to study with you.” Jeongin rubbed his neck awkwardly. You looked at him doubtfully, ignoring the hopeful fluttering in your stomach, “Why would you want to hang out with me of all people?” “Well, you’re the top of the class—“ You scoffed disdainfully and he broke off, looking at you wide-eyed. Of course he only wanted to use me for personal gain. Whatever, Y/N. Just avoid him. Do not interact! “I’m definitely heading off now. Bye.” You grabbed your books, leaving the library and a slightly confused and shocked Jeongin behind. He’s not worth it, Y/N.

You buckled Mina in her little seat in the trolley, lightly humming as you pushed her along. After realising that you were out of ramen (a staple study food, fight me if you disagree), you had scrambled to pick up Mina from daycare before rushing over to the local grocery store, keen to get at least some ramen to fuel your study session after putting Mina to bed. That is if she’s able to sleep. Hopefully Jeongin won’t— You reached for the last pack of your favourite ramen, a hand brushing over yours to grab it with you. You whipped your head around, gaze meeting— yet again— Mr Yang Jeongin. How many times do I have to see him today??? This feels like a cruel joke. It’s not funny! You coughed, pointedly looking between Jeongin and his grip on the ramen you had so obviously grabbed before him. He sighed, pushing his specs up the bridge of his nose, pushing his hair back with the other hand, hand still fixated on the ramen packet, “Please, Y/N. I need this to study.” You inhaled sharply, trying not to be bothered by the impeccable College Boyfriend vibe he was exhibiting, dressed simply in a sweatshirt and track pants, “So. Do. I. In fact, I need it a lot more than you since your singing keeps up the whole neighbourhood. And no! I’m not calling you a bad singer, because on the contrary, you’re quite brilliant and I honestly don’t know why you didn’t decide to become a singer instead of a teacher. I mean, do you really want to waste your life away working at a daycare?” You rambled. Jeongin looked at you, stunned, loosening his grip on the ramen, and handing it to you, his cheeks lightly dusted with pink, “...You know what? You can have it. I’ll just buy... this one! Yep. This one.” He scurried away, leaving you stunned, “But that’s not even ramen!”You called out after him. “Doesn’t matter!”

“Mina, please. Isn’t your crying at least making you tired?” You rocked your sister, exhausted as you looked at the clock— thirty minutes she’s been crying. Jeongin had decided not to sing tonight for some reason. But your sister still had difficulty sleeping. Perhaps he is actually a decent human being... although, I can’t say that I don’t miss his singing... what? Yes, you can, Y/N. The guy literally kept you up til three because of his singing. Mina just felt so inspired by his vocals that she had to try herself... by crying. Ugh. The walls started to vibrate as you sighed, Complimented him too soon. His melodic tone carrying through to the nursery, your sister’s not so melodic cries mixing in even louder than his singing. You steeled yourself, done with this nonsense. Putting on a coat, you stomped out of your apartment, knocking insistently on Jeongin’s door. The door opened to reveal a bewildered Jeongin as you thrusted your screaming sister into his arms, “You started this. You fix it.”

Jeongin held the door to his apartment with one hand, the other arm supporting your screaming sister. Allowing you into the apartment, you observed how spotless it was, giving it an appraising look. “Seungmin’s my roommate. Hence, why it’s so clean. It’s all he does when he gets home from the hospital.” Jeongin explained whilst trying to rock Mina to sleep. “I’m surprised he puts up with your singing.” You noted. “He works nights.” Jeongin deadpanned. You opened your mouth, closing it when you saw his attention turn towards Mina. Cooing at her, he slowly sunk himself into the cushions of the couch, lowly humming a melody familiar to the ones you had heard through the wall. However, it was more of a ballad version. A soft smile crept onto your face as you observed the two, your heart aching at the adorable sight. Mina slowly fluttered her eyes, slowly closing them as Jeongin hummed further, his chest vibrating comfortingly from his singing, the movement lulling her... to sleep! You looked amazingly at Jeongin, his triumphant gaze finding yours. You tried to take Mina off him as she fussed in her sleep, cuddling further into his chest, you sighed, putting your hands up in defeat — afraid to wake her. “So... care to explain why I had to do this?” Jeongin whispered, looking pointedly at you. “Well...you’ve been keeping her up with your trot singing that she’s been eventually falling asleep at almost 11 pm. The thing that I’m weirded out the most by is that she cried at the lack of your singing and when you sang a softer version of that folk song, she fell asleep straight away.” You explained. “Babies are weird like that. But why did you have to give her to me to calm down?” Jeongin asked, confused. “Well one, you’re studying teaching and working at a daycare. And two, you started this!” You numbered. “We’re in the same class and she’s your sister!” Jeongin pointed out, eyes wide. “Look. The main reason really is your singing. Why do you have to sing so late, anyways? It’s not like you’re preparing for any assignment... we don’t have to create a song for our assignment... right?” You asked, tone slightly laced with concern. “No, no.” He dismissed your concerns, sighing, “The real reason why I’m singing so late at night is actually because I’m preparing for something. I don’t really have time otherwise to prepare for it since I have uni and work.” “What are you preparing for?” You scrunched your eyebrows quizzically. “You have to promise not to laugh.” He looked at you pointedly. “I can’t promise that.” You scoffed. “Well then I can’t tell you.” He lifted his head, looking elsewhere. “Fine. Fine!” You whispered harshly. “Okay, well I’m doing this competition that’s basically a talent show for unusual talents. And mine is... trot singing. The whole point of this talent show, though, is to actually achieve your New Year goals and resolutions.” “And yours is... to win with your trot singing?” You looked at him bewilderingly. “No.” He lightly slapped his forehead, disappointed at your lack of piecing together what little information he provided you with. “My resolution is to perform on stage. However, my only formal singing training is in trot singing.” “Ah, I see.” “Yeah... you should come! Only if you can. Obviously. No pressure.” He asked quickly. “Oh! I’m surprised you want me there after everything that happened.” You said sheepishly. “What happened?” He widened his eyes in confusion. “Well— you were kind of a jerk to me all of today.” You noted. “I was? Oh—“ “You ignored me this morning, put on a face when I dropped Mina off at daycare, purely because you were at work and tried to talk to me in tutorial after that. Then you nearly stole my ramen!” You interrupted. “Oh wow, I really did all of that today? Anyway, let me explain. In the morning, yes I saw you and I could’ve yelled a hello, I admit it. But I was very stressed since Seungmin is normally the one to wake me up when he comes back from the hospital but I think he must’ve gone home with his partner or something because he didn’t come home last night, and I had no way to contact him because Jisung threw his phone in the bin.” He explained. “He what?” You recoiled in bewilderment at the last part. “Long story. Anyway, I actually just go straight to autopilot whenever I have to converse with the parents. And since it’s my first week, I wasn’t expecting to see someone I know, let alone you, so I just went straight to my Customer Service Polite Conversation Autopilot Mode... customer service is so hard. As for the tutorial thing, I wanted to study with you! Believe it or not, I actually do appreciate your company.” He said pointedly. You blushed, clearing your throat, “That doesn’t explain the ramen thing, though.” He sighed, “Ramen is my study food too, you know. But I figured you needed it a lot more than me... also your compliment caught me off guard.” He muttered the last part, you smirked slightly as you heard it. “Anyway, I would really appreciate it if you could come because... well, you- you’re one of my good friends.” He rubbed his neck tentatively. Your chest ached slightly, feelings of disappointment infiltrating your head, only to be met with confusion... and sudden realisation. Oh. No.

[00:37] (Jeongin) hey! you left all of a sudden, but I’ve emailed you the details to the comp. hope you can come :) [10:55] (Jeongin)...Y/N? Are you still alive? Actually, I know you are. But why are you avoiding me? It had been a couple of days since you realised your feelings for Jeongin. Trying to avoid him at any costs, you changed up your schedule — only taking morning tutorials, making sure you didn’t run into him wherever you went. It didn’t help that your lives were so intertwined. Mina had gotten particularly attached to him — you watched her from outside the daycare, her little legs wrapped around his, clinging onto him like a koala and reluctant to let him go when she saw you at the gate. That certainly did not help. But what could you do? In order to avoid hardship, you have to cut the relationship in the bud. Especially since he only sees you as a friend. You snapped your attention to the door, as a knock resounded through your apartment, redirecting your attention from your phone to... a very unkempt Seungmin, waiting behind the door. “Hey, Y/N! I was wondering if you could do me a favour?” He asked, words rushed. “That depends on what it is.” You crossed your arms over your chest, raising an eyebrow expectantly. “I need you to go to Jeongin’s talent show for me.” He said. You shut the door immediately on him, “Y/N’s not here.” “I— what? Y/N, please. I need to go to the hospital today and he really wants you to go!” Seungmin pleaded from behind the door. “Why can’t you get any of his hyungs to attend? He has like six other ones.” You proposed. “He really wants you to come. He really likes you, Y/N.” Seungmin sighed. You opened the door slightly, peaking out from around the door, “Yeah. As a friend.” “What gave you that impression?” Seungmin looked at you confusedly. “He said it to my face?” You said, equally as confused. “Oh my god. He like likes you, okay? He didn’t tell anyone except us two about the contest. He told me because we live together but he told you because he has feelings for you!” Seungmin inhaled sharply, trying ridiculously hard not to roll his eyes in annoyance. “You’re not just telling me this so I would go?” You raised an eyebrow sceptically. “No. I have nothing to gain out of that because if you found out I was lying, I know you’ll hold a grudge against me forever, and as neighbours that really would not work out.” He said a matter of factly. “...alright. Fine. I’ll go. And you do realise we’re also friends? Friends generally shouldn’t lie to each other.” You looked at him pointedly. “Right. That.” He said shortly. “Anyway, you should hurry since you only have... twenty minutes til it starts.” He checked his watch. You gasped, “And you only thought to tell me now?” “Some of us have more important things to do than helping your love story progress. For example, saving lives. So, goodbye!” He waved, ushering you to close the door before sprinting down the hall. Time to sort this out... I guess.

You rushed to the venue after purchasing flowers and chocolate and organising for Jisung and his partner to come babysit... although you weren’t exactly trusting of them after hearing of their lawsuit rendezvous at the shopping centre. That was irrelevant right now, though. After sitting through more than fifteen of the most unusual acts at the talent show, you questioned how Jeongin even found out about it. It wasn’t until he entered on stage, lights dimming around him as he sang a slow, but emotive trot song— eyes searching over the crowd, only to lock onto yours as he belted his last note, the audience standing in applause as he stood back, catching his breath, eyes never leaving yours. “And there you have it folks! First of all, a big congratulations to all of you— you’ve successfully achieved at least one of your New Years resolutions!” The MC walked on stage, passing Jeongin on his way out, “But now, it’s the moment you’ve all been waiting for— the winner of this new year’s resolution talent contest is... Yang Jeongin!” A hearty applause echoed throughout the room, loud cheers erupting as Jeongin entered the stage again, you stood up, giving him an encouraging smile whilst cheering, “Okay, well first of all, thank you for the opportunity to do this. I don’t think I would’ve ever performed if it weren’t for making it a New Years resolution.” Low laughter hummed from the audience, “I guess— another person to thank is... well... someone that I really like and have for a while- Y/N. Even though our whole relationship basically consisted of a bunch of misunderstandings, you still came to this competition for me. At least, I hope it was for me. It’d be awkward if it wasn’t, since this is a sort of confession thing. Actually— do you think you could join me on stage?” The audience turned to you as you stared at him in shock. Shaking out of your reverie, you slowly stood up, making your way to the stage as he held out a hand, helping you up the stairs. You gave him a nervous but small smile, “Congratulations on your win!” You handed him the flowers, as he pulled you in for a quick hug. “Y/N, you’re probably the coolest person I’ve ever befriended. You’re incredibly driven, caring, and probably the person I respect most in my life. The way you’re achieving all your goals whilst managing the stress and struggles of raising your younger sibling astounds me, and honestly, that’s probably the feature that I find most admirable about you.” Jeongin spoke into his mic, gaze deepening into yours, the audience “aww”ing in response to him. “So, I guess where I’m trying to get at is— will you go out with me?” He asked as the audience cheered you on. You took the mic off him, pressing a quick kiss to his lips, “I’d love to.” He pulled you into a tight embrace as the audience cheered loudly, whistling as well. As you exited the auditorium, entering the foyer, you intertwined your hands with Jeongin’s, “Where should we go for our first date?” You asked, quickly putting on your coat and a beanie, wearily eying the snowfall outside, “I don’t know, I was thinking karaoke?” Jeongin suggested. You scoffed, “No.” “Why not?” He asked, genuinely confused. “Because you’d absolutely crush me. That’s why. Also, I know you’re only saying that because they gave you yearly access to the karaoke club as your prize.” You rolled your eyes. “You wound me with your words, Y/N. Do you think I’d cheapskate on our date?” He placed his hand to his chest, faking a gasp. “Never.” You mimicked his gesture as you exited the foyer. “Yah! Y/N!” “I’m joking, I’m joking! Ahh— don’t tickle me-“ You gasped as his fingers found your sides, giggles unwillingly being emitted. “Only if you give me another kiss.” He tapped his lips, you sighed, leaning over to give him another kiss, as he lightly drew your neck closer to him, deepening the kiss. You pulled back, eyes sparkling with joy, “Well...Even though I know you’ll trash me at it...Race you to the karaoke club?” You proposed, stretching your muscles. “Really? We just had the most epic kiss and now all you’re concerned about is karaoke?!” He raised an eyebrow expectantly. “Last one to the karaoke place gets no kisses for the rest of the day!” “Oh, you’re on.”

Thank you for reading! Would you like to read more?

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speechlessxx · 4 years

Text

Requite (Andy Barber x Reader)

Summary: A visitation to a prison invites new emotions.

Warnings: slight CHEATING (it’s a kiss and like feelings), slight SPOILERS, for Defending Jacob, language, implied AGE GAP, this was just a brainstorm I had, unrequited requited love kinda not really (if that makes sense), mentions of ABUSE

Word Count: 2.5k

Hope you enjoy!

READ PART 2 HERE

It wasn’t your place – and you knew that. So, why were you here – trembling in front of a glass barrier and fumbling with the cord of the telephone in your hands?

The man in front of you looked tired and rugged. The years he spent behind bars evident all over his face. But when you looked in this murderer’s eyes, you couldn’t help but see Andy’s. They were the same pristine blue shade. The only difference was that Andy’s were warm, inviting, and full of light whereas the man in front of you looked as if the light had been snuffed out of him – perhaps it was never there to begin with.

“You’re the wife?” He asked. He looked you up and down and cocked an eyebrow up. “You’re younger than I expected.”

“I’m not his wife,” you muttered.

“So, what are you, then?” The man gave you an amused look. He was taunting you, trying to make you snap. Your eyes narrowed at his words.

“That’s not your concern.”

“Then why are you here, honey?” You cringed at the pet name. You remembered your abusive father coo that very word at you to apologize for laying his hands on you. You remembered your husband do the same.

Why were you there?

Andy was your friend… of kinds. He was a neighbor in your picture-perfect suburban neighborhood. However, you were treated like an outcast among the other suburban ladies. You always attended parties and gatherings with, or without, your husband. And in the crowds, you always felt so alone.

You were young – still in your twenties – and married to a wealthy businessman that was old enough to be your father’s younger brother. You pretended you couldn’t hear the gossip – the whispers and snickers calling you a “gold-digger” or a “trophy wife”. You married because you needed financial stability to pay off your student loans. You couldn’t do it on your salary alone. Afraid no one else would love you or help you, you said yes to the first wealthy sleaze that got down on one knee.

You tried to make your marriage as picture-perfect as your neighborhood. To strangers, it was. You were good at framing. Your framework made it impossible for others to see the truth behind the photos.

You were a doting wife to a man who was always gone on “business trips” to Vegas with a barely legal bottle blonde on his arm. When you finally got the courage to call him out for his numerous affairs, he threw one of his foreign beer bottles at you. It smashed against the wall, beer staining the paint and scratching it up as small shards of the glass cut your skin. It followed with a “honey, I’m so sorry” which reminded you of your father’s abuse.

After then, the incidents gradually got worse. He’d hurl things your way when he grew aggravated with you. Then, he began to throw punches. He held you down by your wrists before when you threatened to walk out. You felt like your adolescent self again. Instead of your father beating you, your abuser became your husband.

It was Andy, your next-door neighbor, who first asked you about the finger-shaped bruises wrapped around your wrists. You played it off, calling yourself a klutz, but Andy saw right through it. When the bruises, marks, and cuts became a staple of your appearance, Andy knew something was wrong. You weren’t clumsy. You were being hurt.

He confronted you about it. He was relentless in trying to get an answer from you. One night he heard crashes and screams from your home. He rushed over although Laurie had told him to stay out of it and call the police instead. He reasoned that if you were in danger and something were to have happened to you, he’d feel responsible. He found you crying in your living room, picture frames smashed and your coffee table demolished, a dining room chair was lodged into it. You had a bruise forming on your temple, a bloody cut on your cheekbone, and you were cradling your arm to your chest. Your husband had driven off in his luxury car. Whatever doubt he had about the abuse vanished. The scene itself answered all his questions.

It was Andy who saved you from the dangerous home. It was Andy who helped you with your divorce.

After your divorce, your husband took off, leaving you the house and alimony checks. As your injuries slowly healed, you slowly built a relationship with the Barber family – primarily Andy. He’d often check in on you and invite you over, trying to make that big house of yours feel less lonely.

“I’m here for Andy,” you finally answered. You stared into the man’s eyes.

“Oh?” The man sneered. His teeth were yellow, maybe even rotting. He smirked at you. “You’re here about his boy.”

“Jacob’s a good a kid,” you nodded. You babysat and often drove the Barbers’ son to and from school when Andy asked. Aside from his standoffish and strange behavior (one time you swerved around a dead cat and Jacob seemed so fixated on the animal), he was a good kid.

“So, I’ve heard… But good kids don’t become murder suspects.”

“He’s innocent until proven guilty,” you frowned. “Why won’t you do it? Andy just wants you to swab your mouth. It’s easy. Hell, you don’t even have to do it, the guard will.” He crossed his arms and leaned forward to the glass. His stare was unwavering and cold – just like your father’s… just like your husband’s. “You want to punish Andy.”

“He won’t help me and he knows he can. He doesn’t even acknowledge the fact that I’m his father.”

“You haven’t given him a good reason to,” you snapped. “Andy’s a good man. A better man than most will ever be. And he’s a damn good father. He wouldn’t even have come down here if it weren’t for Jacob.”

“You talk like you’re in love with the man.” He smirked. He leaned back on his chair as he studied you. “You are, aren’t you?”

“That’s not your concern.”

He laughed. It boomed and made you flinch. You looked down at your hands. You weren’t trembling anymore. In fact, you were just frustrated. How can a kind, compassionate man like Andy be the spawn of this heartless killer?

“What kind of a good man turns his back on his own father,” the man asked.

“He turned his back on a murderer.”

“And you don’t think he won’t do the same to his son?”

“Jacob’s innocent until proven guilty,” you repeated. “What will it take to get you to do it?” He smirked at you and you felt a wave of disgust as you remembered the reason he was here in the first place. “Not like that, you sicko.”

“I’ll do it,” he nodded.

“What?” You stared at him in disbelief. He repeated the three words. You frowned at him. “Just a second ago – “

“It’s good Andy has someone on his side. Arguing for him. Defending him and his son.” He smiled, wickedly. “Too bad you aren’t the wife, huh? How is his wife? Laurie, is it?”

“I’m not as close to her as I am to Andy,” you admitted.

“I wonder why you two are so close that you’re willing to drive up here to talk to me.” The man gave you a knowing look.

“It’s not like that!”

“Okay, okay, calm down, honey,” he chuckled.

“You’re not fucking with me? You’re actually going to do it?”

“I will,” he nodded. “You got a spark in you, honey… It’s a shame you aren’t the wife. I’ll do it for my son.”

“Thank you for your time, Mr. Barber,” you muttered and popped the telephone back onto its stand. There was no reason to stick around and hear his taunts.

You did what you came there to do.

-=+=-

Andy was relieved and a bit confused. Joanna had informed him that his father agreed to the swab. After the brief conversation that the father and son had, his father had made it clear that he wanted nothing to do with the trial – that he didn’t want to help Jacob. So, what made him change his mind?

He remembered talking to you about it. You were the first person he saw on his way back from seeing his father. He unloaded his frustrations on you, and you sat and listened to him. It reminded you of the times when you would confide in Andy about the abuse you endured from your father and your husband. It was the least you could do.

“Go inside. Tell your mom about the fish,” Andy told Jacob as the two began to unload the car. His son nodded and began to make his way to their front door. With a frown, Jacob looked over and saw his dad hastily walk towards your home. He shrugged before going inside.

Andy walked past the “For Sale” sign posted outside your lawn next to your mailbox. He frowned at the sign. When did you plan on leaving?

He knocked on your front door a few times and even rung the doorbell. He stood outside for a few long moments and just as he sighed and turned to leave, you opened the door.

“Sorry!” You apologized. Your hair was tied up and your forehead had a sheen of sweat.

“No worries… Mind if I come in?”

You widened the door and gestured for Andy to come inside. He gave you a small smile and a nod as he stepped through the door. The walls weren’t as decorated as he remembered. You must’ve taken down the picture frames. It made sense. Your husband was out of your life. Why keep the memories around? The hardwood floors were littered with boxes. Some were taped shut and had words scribbled on their sides – “kitchen”, “bedroom”, “donations”, etc.

“Sorry about the mess,” you muttered when you noticed that he was looking around the house.

“It’s not a problem, (Y/N), really,” Andy grinned.

“What can I do for you, Andy?”

“I think you’ve done enough.”

“What?” You frowned.

“You spoke to my father?” He asked. His tone was angry – or at least you registered it as so. Your eyes widened as you desperately looked around the room – staring at anything but Andy’s eyes. You crossed your arms as you tried to pull into yourself. It was a reaction you had when your husband raised his voice at you, an indicator that his patience was wearing thin and you were going to need an ice pack later. Andy’s brows furrowed in realization – you often held that posture whenever you spoke of your husband’s abuse. “I’m sorry… I’m not upset or anything, (Y/N). I just wanted to know why…”

You relaxed your arms as you found the courage to look at Andy. They did have the same eyes. “For you… and for Jacob,” you rushed. “I know it wasn’t my place, but you were so upset about it… I figured I could… I could give it a shot? Maybe talk some sense into him or convince him? I dunno… You helped me when I was in a tough spot, I thought I should at least try to return the favor.”

“You didn’t need to,” Andy shook his head. “But thank you.” You smiled at him and nodded. “No, really, thank you,” Andy sighed. To your surprise – and maybe even his – he wrapped his arms around you. You felt your cheeks flush as your ear was pressed against his chest. Andy’s chin rested at the top of your head.

You two stayed like that for a few minutes – it felt like eternity. You had forgotten what it felt like to be held, to be cared for, and appreciated. Perhaps Andy was the first man in your life that made you feel safe and you were grateful. Maybe that’s where your crush stemmed from. Andy was a kind man and an amazing father – things that were missing from your own life.

In turn, Andy had forgotten how it felt to hold someone. His and Laurie’s intimacy had been challenged for years now and their marriage took another hit with Jacob’s upcoming trial. He remembered how much he wanted to help you and get you out of your abusive marriage. It was a distraction from his own marriage that was slowly falling apart.

“You’re moving?” Andy asked after the long beats of silence.

“Yeah,” you said. “Nothing’s really keeping me in town anymore.”

Andy felt a pang in his chest. Nothing keeping you in town? Sure, your divorce was finalized – your husband had skipped town when his abuse came to light – but nothing was worth sticking around for?

“What about me?” Andy asked. It was wishful thinking, at best. Andy didn’t know why he asked the question. He had no justification for his next action either.

When you looked up at him with confusion, you had the intentions of asking him what he meant. But Andy leaned in and kissed you. His eyes were closed as his lips pressed against yours while yours were wide open with shock. But the kiss was sweet, gentle – you don’t remember being kissed like this. With your hands pressed against his chest, you meant to push him off and pull away, but your body refused – it loved the affection even if it was just an in-the-moment action on Andy’s behalf (he wasn’t sure if it was), but the kiss was nice.

Instead, your eyes fluttered closed and your hands went up to his cheeks. His beard was rough against your lips and hands, but you didn’t mind. You began to kiss him back, allowing yourself to get lost in the moment.

Then your brain and your conscience flared up. Just as sudden as the kiss began, it was abruptly cut short. Your mind made you pull away and with wide eyes, both you and Andy unwrapped yourselves from each other.

“I’m sorry,” you whispered, taking a step back.

“No, no,” Andy shook his head. “I’m sorry… I shouldn’t have – “

“It was nothing, okay?”

Andy was taken back from your words. He wanted to argue – to tell you that it wasn’t nothing, that he felt something, and he was sure you felt it, too. But he stopped himself. He wasn’t thinking straight. The stress – whether it from his marriage or from the trial on the horizon, he didn’t know – was getting to him.

“Okay,” he finally agreed. “Nothing.”

“Okay,” you muttered. Arms crossing again. Your eyes darted around the room as you licked your lips. You could still taste him. “Well, um… you better get going.”

“Right,” Andy nodded. You walked him to the door and gave him a tight smile. “If you need any help with the moving or the packing, I’ll be happy to help. Repay the favor for the thing with my dad.”

“I’ll keep that in mind. Thanks, Andy,” you tried to smile. You closed the door after your farewells and a hand flew to cover your mouth. Tears brimming in your eyes.

You weren’t going to take him up on that offer. The guilt was already killing you. Although abuse was a major factor in your marriage’s demise, your husband cheating with much other women was the spark that started it all.

Now, here you were. You were the other woman.

READ PART 2 HERE

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