#they were like ‘this is a good transition so you dont have to go straight home and be left to your own devices’ and then im literally here

[kieranculkingirl]

hopefully getting out of the sober living house by monday hehe

[genderkoolaid]

have u seen the post going around that makes a big deal of how lesbians can and do date gender weird ppl and then adds on a whole addition about how they ABSOLUTELY STILL DONT DATE MEN. and finishes with "lesbians do get with genderweird folks AND still do not get with men. both are true." just say you dont believe multigender people are valid and go

goddddddd these fuckin people

Not only do multigender people exist, but also:

There are trans men who were cis lesbians and transition. Their lesbian partners can stay with them and, while some may identify as bisexual, others will identify as lesbians! Not because they misgender their partners, but because lesbianism has always been a space for transmasculinity & those who love it! Their trans male husbands may even identify as lesbians still, or maybe straight men!

Even transness nonwithstanding... sometimes lesbians fuck men. People will make posts about lesbians thinking a twink is a butch and finding him hot but I'm sorry, sometimes a twink and a dyke will have sex for fun because they want to. Sometimes a woman who's never had a crush on a man in her life will fall for one guy, even a cis guy, because human attraction is crazy like that. None of that means anything for lesbians who never want to date or fuck a cis (or trans) man. It means absolutely nothing for you.

Like. I always think "lesbians can't date or sleep with men? Who are you to tell lesbians what they can and can't do? Lesbians will do whatever the hell they want."

This all on top of the inherent fucking nonsense of "lesbians can date genderweird folks but still don't get with men!!!" like I really need people to grasp the concept that trying to categorize genderweird people into "man" and "not man" is just never not going to be exorsexist. Sorry you can't reduce it down to "butches who are transmasc and maybe use he/him or go by "boyfriend" but they never ever ever feel like a boy or man at all which means they are Good and Acceptable To Fuck" its so ridiculous. lesbian sexuality & romance & community is so much cooler and more beautifully diverse than the fucking spreadsheet ass people could ever imagine.

[vixensbrainrotts]

Young and Beautiful — Hanma Shuji

Content: Imagines

Warnings: vaguely sexual tension, nothing nsfw though

Summary: you decide to take boudoir pictures, and pleasantly surprised by your (very) hot photographer.

Vixen’s two cents: hello! This started out as an imagine but i realized i dont really like writing imagines (it feels so unstructured), so have this little scenario instead. Also, whilst rereading this i realize that Shui seems a little creepy and i swear i dint want him to come off like that?! It was a hot idea in my head, idk how well that that translated, lmk about it! Remember my REQUESTS ARE OPEN!! Also im still on the hunt for moots for proofreading and triangulation in case anyone is interested please contact me!!

When your auntie told you to go and take boudoir pictures, you thought she was talking crazy and waved her off with a polite smile, but she wouldn’t let up. “You’re as young and beautiful as you’ll ever be! Take them for yourself when you’re old like me! It might seem awkward but it’ll be worth it!”

If you would tell yourself from a week ago that you were had booked an appointment to the nearest place, you would have fainted. And if you would have told yourself from 4 hours ago, when you booked that appointment that you would eventually have to step INTO the store too, you would have freaked out. Screw that, you were freaking out now.

You had considered turning around and running about four or five times, but that little voice in the back of your head going pussy wouldnt leave you alone. In a burst of confidence you entered the shop and were met with a surprisingly comfortable atmosphere, and a cozy interior.

You scan the shop for a few seconds, deeming it good enough not to run out of right away, before a tall, slim figure emerged from one of the Backrooms. He wore a lazy smile when he came to you, clicking away at the computer on the desk before asking “Are you my boudoir at 4?” In a smooth, low voice.

You nod shyly in response, fidgeting with your hands a little. He chuckled in response “Don’t worry love, I won’t do anything- this is my job after all.”

He led you to a studio type room and handed you a robe. “Over there.” He said, and a long index of his rose to gesture to a little changing cabin in the corner of the room. “Ill go get everything set up for us.” And with that, he left you to freak out in the changing rooms because fuck he’s hot!

When you emerge again he’s already handling some sort of lenses to the end of the cameras, lights and props set up and ready to go. When he looks to you, you grow shy again and tug the robe a little tighter around your body. He sees this and nods reassuringly “It’s normal to be nervous, sweetheart.” Which only makes you more nervous.

He notices, but chooses to ignore it as he guides you to one of the chairs that are set up. “Now dont worry too much about anything. Just do your thing, ill do all the magic.” You sit, admittedly a little more relaxed but still stiff and he huffs with a smile. “Relax girl! You dont want these looking like pass photos do you?” And that makes you giggle a litte, finally loosening up again.

“There we go. That’s better already. Want me to talk you through it, distract you a little? Do you think that would help?” Eyes are soft but his gaze burns straight through you. “I think that would help, yeah.” And that makes him smile a little.

“How old are you anyway? You look very young- I don’t normally get a lot of girls your age.” He lifts the camera and clicks something on a little machine that begins whirring lightly in the background, producing little qualms of smoke. “I uh, im twenty two. Don’t get me wrong I would have never done this on my own accord, but my auntie, she said that id regret it my whole life if i don’t do this and all such things.”

Whilst you had been explaining, your robe had started slipping off your shoulders. You had noticed but found it the most natural transition into the inevitable. Getting more comfortable, you decided to throw your legs over one of the seat’s armrests, leaning back a little, getting comfortable, as he had advised.

“Thank your auntie for me then.” He whispered underneath his breath, the shutter clicking softly.

[doesntmeanitsmeaningless]

Ailooooooooo!!!! How was your show???? I'm so happy for you. What were your favorite parts? How was the crowd? Tell me whatever you want to share please. Sending you a hug.

CC!! Aaaaaahhhh! It was so good!! I’m still processing!! Louis started off a bit cool and distant and didn’t say much but the energy, enthusiasm and adoration of the entire crowd soon saw him in a hilarious mood. He had so many interactions, and seeing Louis giggle while singing is something I’ll always remember from last night. My mom and I were at the back of pit, right in the middle 3 persons away from that central barricade. The whole crowd was into the music and while it was a festival, I think everyone was there for Louis - so his comment that it’s not his show was an interesting reminder. It felt like a Louis concert, with a festival set list. What a set list. Banger after banger! HOTH as the fourth song was a fun surprise. I looooved the energy of Drag Me Down (the 1D songs were definitely a hit with the crowd but this one in particular), straight into JHO and then High in California. It was such a fun ride! I had a little giggle myself at “this is Face the Music” and thought of you 😇. Copy of a Copy was emotional and the crowd was loooud. The seamless transition to Walls put me through the wringer. And after that it felt like a whirlwind of jumping, singing, not wanting it to end but knowing the end is coming. I will keep this Saturdays in my heart, it was beautiful. And for Silver Tongues it felt like he didn’t want it to end either, he was on stage kicking the beach ball just before he came down to barricade. And eeeeeek, he really did come down the super narrow path in the middle of the crowd, right to the back. It was pure chaos, with red streamers and fireworks happening too… and it wasn’t a barricade he could jump up, so I just saw his head bop by and a flash of an arm. It must’ve felt like a car wash in there with arms from both sides. 😂 My bracelets found happy new owners, making me happy too. VIP Angie @persephoneflouwers and her sister were integral to my experience too, providing updates from a bird eye perspective of the fest throughout the day. 🫶🫶 And our fun times prior to the fest will remain favourite Istanbul memories too! I absolutely loved the visuals on the big main and 2 side screens. I knew some of them from livestreams but some felt new to me or hit differently when the are massive and in front of you. The 1-second lag was unfortunate but ultimately ok. It was warm with a breeze, Steve didn’t have to wear a tshirt, the site was seaside and Louis had a fabulous view of the illuminated Blue Mosque behind us. Crowd size felt smallish, pit (officially called front of stage) had about as many people in it as general admission. I’m glad he said he was pleased with the turnout… I was worried he might not be. Oh and Louis calling some dude giving him the middle finger dickhead and daft wasn’t on my bingo card… he was in full Tommo form, quick and biting. He never did end up doing his vodka shot with the good girl. And the moon, a tiny sliver of it was out, as were a few bright stars. I could go on and on. I DONT FEEL LIKE GOING HOME!!!

[mollyolikeme]

Thoughts as I read TSC: A Stream of Conciousness Part Two!

Filthy Spoils!

classic kevin.

LOL keep saying i see how much you bench as if thats an indicator of someones ability to kickass

HA! i always forget about the sixteen hour days shit, i cannot, i find it too fucking funny it's fucking impossible. mfs would be DECEASED. like DEAD.

they are so hardcore this fantastical has me CACKLING every time

like a ken doll!

BLONDE.

ill advised thoughts....

uh oh jean, your crazy is showing.

goddamn. to hate but need. complicated and absolutely screwed up relationship dynamics are fascinating.

okay, i like to rag on our beloved kevin (because its fun and easy) but like props where props are due. i know we didn't get to see his transition from raven to fox but i honestly think the boy would have handled it a lot better than jean jean morose over here. boy isssssss messed up.

foreshadowwwwww SWIM SHORTS!

dangerously low? dangerous for who jean?

do not be slut shaming, lucas. thats fucking gross of you and i'm not even gonna mention the nonconsensual factor...........

oh. my. word. its not funny but i feel the morbid sense to laugh at the ravens dropping like flies.

bad therapist. you cant force it. where is Dobson?

OMG LOL i summoned her!

dont you worry about kevin babe, the foxes got him

thats two hands on chin! thats two!

he's got a big dick! lololololololol boys not tryna be gayyyy

oh the heat! the HEAT! yes jeremyyyyyyyy

fear of water.

what happens when he losses his grip......i want to see you lose control......... hi familiar phrasing and trauma, i ADORE you.

in my head, jean has a very french tsk of his tongue reaction to almost everything people do around him.

yesssss the foxes ARE synchronized.

you tell him jeremy! none of his raven intentionally injuring people bullshit

omg were gonna get a little kevin trip to cali! reunion of the abused buds! (again gotta take the morbid hilarity into account for my health)

LOL wheel throwing! Patrick Swayze where are you?!

not the self flagellating notebooks he kept.....

oooooo intense. it all comes to the surface. the truth will always come out.

this is clever, gives just enough info about the ravens without explaining the crime side of things. go nora.

okay damn lucas.... issues buddy. dont be comin after jean jean. you'll regret it.

chin grab number 3! this time by jeremy 🤩

omg cuuuuuuuute little motorcycle ride and seashell gifty

again. uh oh jean. your crazy is showing to the coaches now. this truth is really spilling out the cracks

pause.......... guys my sanity........ my INsanity upon reading this........... im losin it! ......... okay resume.

morbid laughing morbid laughing morbid laughing fuck fuck fuck

yo. to somehow make me feel like neilio's story is a positive tale................

wow lucas. doubling down are we. his character does have a very difficult truth to come to terms with. its fuckin rough and a hella interesting arc.

you should call dobsonnnnnnnnnnnnnnnn

OH SHIT! neil's here! Thats not good news for you jean!

fy faen neil. you're kind of a gangster babe!

oh. dead sister. so sad. (typing it out like that looks sarcastic. It's not.)

yaaaaasssss thats the smart mouth we know and love! telling an agent he parked illegally!!! ahhhhh lolololololoolol

OMG Neil!!!! sweetheart! you care so much! awwwwwwwww wow nora seriously, what. a. treat! he cares about his buddy jean.

jeremy...... you got it so bad hun. always with the 'what do you need?' like just promise yourself to him forever and ever.

CHIN!!!!!!!!!! FOUR TIMES NOW.

woah Jer.

i like that jean actually doesn't like exy. such a good contrast to neils pov obsession.

im curious where this whole 'its not freedom its a pretty cage' thing is gonna go. like, yea i dont think you'll ever be 'free' free jean. but honestly this is pretty damn close. professional athletes lives are very straight forward. and if youre that good, fuckin easy.

[monggay]

holy fucking shit you guys. um. i came across. a treasure trove. of um, my past self. came across an old group chat w some friends back when i was like, 12-13, and. holy shit.

good news: apparently i did use to be somewhat talkative and not quite as anxious to talk and interact ! i used to be able to carry conversations! not well or inawkwardly but very much plenty! i used to be able to talk and joke around without taking a million psychic damage just trying to send a message and even just saying whats on my mind carefree without being anxious that itll be weird or that they didnt want me to say that or that i didnt have to scramble for words or be unable to come up with quips or anything to reply other than just 'lol' or 'lmao'!! i feel like these days i only know how to talk and word things in a given or meme way aka all my vocabulary is just. tumblr memes.

bad news: holy fucking shit i was so cringe. like. on another level. on levels unimaginable. i was straight up just. weird. you know, horny preteen discovering sex jokes and crude language and sex humor for the first time? straight up had no filter, loved to ramble, except also had zero social sense still and rambled to a weird and overly and uncomfortable degree where it was just awkward and often said things that just. made the conversation weird? i embraced that weirdness and like, good on me i guess, but i think i just usually ended up saying things? blurting anything on my mind, that well. technically arent bad? or seriously fucked up or anything but just like. will probably haunt me for the rest of my life if i look at it now.

also like. i dont remember any of it ??????? i vaguely remember a Few conversations, but a lot of it? just straight up. unfamiliar to me who the fuck is that i dont remember saying any of that shit that past me is so fundamentally different and alien to me i literally dont recognize or remember anything i did then anymore

apparently i was just a giant nerd who read way too much smut and was just a little too unashamed and had very little sense of appropriateness which yeah i get given my age then its that. age of you know. just got exposed to people being vulgar, recently transitioned to high school from elementary, which is probably like. a way more. fucked up thing that people realize sometimes. cause in elementary i always thought i was still like you know. a little kid. but going into high school (which is younger than in US hs, at 12 y/o) youre suddenly treated or like, expected? to be older? more knowleadgeable? you know that thing about how kids these days are all trying to be adults now and how theres really no more media like the disney teenage live shows that separate little girl to grown lady? i think that jut like, hit me a lot in 7-8th grade + the introduction of nsfw shit and fandom and the internet (cause like. i did not have internet in elementary school, At All. and then suddenly in high school i was supposed to have a messenger account for school, i had a phone, i could use the laptop, i think i had a weird relationship w the internet then, cause at that point all my friends were already exploring facebook and posting etc, but i was so anxious and shy about that already that i just never started (which like, continues to today, i still dont use fb at all, cuase it feels so weird and awkward to start now when i was so adamant against not using it in the past) aaaand ive lost my train of thought and the point of this sentence

[br1ghtestlight]

Bob burger gender and seuxality inspired by @koko-raccoon

bob - bisexual and cisgender-ish but also he's had this interaction with louise at least once

linda - she's a supportive cishet ally but she's had Lesbian experiences in her youth so who could say. she also dated gay men in high school to help them stay closeted so she's an unofficial member of the lgbtq community <3 she's like dolly parton yknow

gene - genderfluid and pansexual maybe?? or gay? I don't have a lot of thoughts on his sexuality tbh

tina - polyamorous and straight. definitely a Girl but her being transfem also makes sense in my head so she's either trans or cis either way she's very much a girl. maybe bisexual but like 10% attracted to girls and 90% boys. a pretty girl who was a customer at the restaurant smiled at her once and she thought about it for the next week

louise - agender and uhh.... lesbian? aroace?? one of those she isn't sure yet. she loves rudy no matter what though. maybe demiromantic asexual. Triple A louise (aromantic asexual agender she identifies with NOTHING)

gayle - she's a lesbian but she doesn't know that. she's cis but in an agender way <- does not follow up on this or explain myself at all

jimmy jr - aroace & cis

zeke - he's transmasc and straight

tammy - cis lesbian

jocelyn - also lesbian :) and transfem but she transitioned when she was pretty young i think. she was one of those four year olds who told their mom they were supposed to be born a girl and her family just kinda went with it and she was on hormone blockers by 5th grade ("Good for her")

rudy - straight but possibly transfem in which case he'd be a lesbian. not sure. definitely has egg vibes

darryl - he's cishet </3 but his lovely girlfriend is bisexual so he's that type of guy who would be at pride anyway (does not clarify who his girlfriend is. doesnt matter)

teddy - bisexual and asexual bcuz @koko-raccoon helped me see the vision. he does not know asexuality is a thing. could see him as transmasc too for sure. also polyamorous but in a casual way its not something he'd actively seek out but he wouldn't mind being in a relationship with multiple people either (same w/ bob and linda) he's got such a big heart

mort - he's never labelled himself but i think he wouldn't question it if he was in a relationship with a guy or found himself attracted to one. he's easy. maybe he'd just label himself as queer

mr frond - probably transfem and definitely bisexual. also asexual i think

mr ambrose - going to quote @koko-raccoon here bcuz they got it exactly accurate. don't need to reinvent the wheel. "no label. Uses queer to describe himself. Will go by any pronouns and will fuck anyone and it will be considered gay sex no matter who you are"

sasha - gay and came out at like age 7

duncan - also gay and nonbinary somehow. he/they energy

marshmallow - transfem lesbian

calvin - bisexual but is more into men than women. maybe like 30/70 attraction wise

felix - has questioned his gender identity on at least five seperate occasions but it never goes anywhere bcuz its too stressful for him and he's a little crazy. always feels like he's "queer" somehow but he knows he isn't attracted to men so he doesn't know what else it could be. dressed up in his mom's clothes and makeup ALL THE TIME as a kid. dont worry she'll get there eventually

gretchen - straight but transfem

jimmy pesto - horrible horrible Gay man who has to work through 500 layers of internalized homophobia. he's like a gay man trapped in the body and mind of a 1950s husband

andy - aroace

ollie - demiromantic straight and asexual

harley - pansexual and she gets a little nonbinary w/ it. collects microlabels like stickers when she's older

henry haber - cishet but also supports his awesome pansexual girlfriend (susmita) him and darryl should form a club

susmita - pansexual as previously mentioned

[penguin--person]

silly question but: does wolf alík look any different from a regular wolf? when she's fully transformed, is there anything that sets her apart, or does she just look like an average, straight up wolf?

ty for asking this actually!!! i think about this a bunch, like, what human traits alík keeps, if she can bark/howl, if a pack of wolves would accept her, etc !!! ill talk about this under cut bc its like . idk? im not sure if this is body horror ? like its not just her being a wolf , its her being a messed up wolf .. uncanny wolf up ahead!! + some blood but not that much.. also warning ur getting a much longer answer than you were probs asking for lol

so i made a little image getting into details about her mutation just now, But i do first want to show off this art that my friend blazy (@/mothssmeat - go check his art out its super swag!!!) made of her for artfight last year !! He Gets Her he gets her wolfness he gets it

check out the speedpaint !! blazy's sooo niceys for drawing such an awesome alík art ... its So good . do you see how her nose is turning into one of a wolf? but so painfully ?? so slowly that its just !! how shes tearing up, blood around her ?? god . like God. oh my goddd . and her fur !! how its growing in patches around her body, starting like wild from her head, her eyebrows combined, just like !! its growing around like mold and i find that really cool .. hehe sorry just had to fangirl about this art ofher . i dont get the chance oftne . anyway. in a more professional manner: god sorry i cant yet . oh my fucking goddd . oh my GOD !!!! just look at that . what is that thing!!! dear god!!! ok. im normal now (lying ).

look at her hands and feet. human joints should not be like that, and wolf paws do not look like that. her claws.. god just look at them. blazys art explains alíks messed up wolf situation far better than i ever could. her ears, too, are just... god, look at them!! i have to move on from this art or ill just keep saying "look at it!!" but, well. Look at it.

some of my own alík wolf art:) the first one is when shes fully transformed, but also the first ever art i did of her like that, so take it with a grain of salt, but still take it. the second is her like... in her metamorphisis era - my internet connection is kinda MEAN and EVIL right now so i can't add them rn .. ill either rb with them later or edit them into the post. for now i just put links to the images :( sorry! plus the mentioned image from before. now Onto serious business

something that alík always has, no matter form, is her human eyes - but they're not really human! their colouration is one of a wolf's, and her eyesight is also almost as good as that of one. this is messed up when she's in full wolf mode, because its really.. just, weird. can you imagine looking at a dog with human eyes? a cat? a cow? no!! because its weird!!!! shes a FREAK!! (affectionate)

another weirdo thing about her face is her teeth. hes got canine teeth, no doubt about it, but i do think she has a bit more teeth than she should have.. maybe three more... ? two more? i think the amount of teeth is not equivalent with neither the amount humans should have nor the amount wolves should have.. like 38 or smth. this doesn't change in her transformation, but her jaw and gums do! it hurts! Ouchies! it also shifts her teeth around.. tbh i wouldnt be surprised if she lost a tooth or two transforming sometime.

as you may have noticed, alík has most of her fur on her head! this is because of hair! she has a big ol' tuft of fur on her head when she's in wolf mode and it makes her look silly. depending on how far along in transition they are, their fur is like... its in blotches over their body. a tuft here, a tuft there, no fur at all someplace else... her spine gets covered in fur first. bc its like !! hair to tail:)

her limbs are weird, too. her arms are more humanoid than her legs - my friend mikey @/monstertsunami shows this wonderfully in his art of alík and their gf idk who she is i heard shes some kind of loser? ermmm what the freak🔥

oh wow it let me add an image that time Awesome!!! anyway, you can see how her feet are pretty pawsome, huh?? shes got pawpads - is that what its called for wolves? i cant find info :( - and her joints are more.. like, look at how she's standing! her ankles! everybody say thank you mikey... !!! this stays in her wolf form, in a way

in the 'mentioned image' from before, you can see - ifyou can read my handwriting lol - that there's text around her feet/paws (peets...) that says 'human hands - fucked up paws'. in the linked image 'first one' , you can see her fucked up wolf hands more clearly! thats something that ive kept. i think she could grab you, even as a wolf. she keeps her thumbs. even if they dont work as well. this makes running as a wolf difficult for her, because her fingers are very much in the way !! herr back feet are more wolf-like in her wolf mode, even twisting her hips to work better !! opposite goes for her hands, though - her arms, like.. theyre not good for wolves ! her elbow is forced into a shitty position, her shoulders are.. bad...

and, as mentioned, her nose is fucked up. the smell of blood is an intimate friend of hers 💥it like.. god, her face goes through So Much. her skull gets absolutely , like ... goddd shes definetely broken bones transforming before... her nose is like, stretched out ? idk how to explain it .. its like if you used the 'free transform' tool on it

in short, id say theres a few main things that set alík apart from a regular wolf:

human eyes

human hands (sometimes covered in fur)

teeth

body isn't always fully covered in fur (its not easy for his body to bust out ten thousand fur strands all over his body, ya know? needs resources for that to happen)

movement (can't run as well, vocal cords arent probs in the best state after her neck fucking... look at it)

smell. she smells weird. oyou dont care about that but wolves would i think

then there's like, little basic anatomy stuff, like she will Never have the proper body of a wolf . maybe if she was like, for a year as a wolf, or two, or maybe even fine her body would be like Ok were wolf now . and her bones would settle ... but this is a question of years and time she does not have. her lifespan is also all kinds of fucked up. if she wasnt being experimented on evey day of her life ever, she'd probs live until her 40s? maybe late 40s if she had a HEALTHY LIFESTYLE filled with JOY and WHIMSY!!!! but i think now she'll die like, in her pafl au, i dont think she'll make it to 35.. sad! ouppy gone

also im working on an alík thing .. + the other two .. but also alík

CANINE GIRL coming to YOUR THEATRES in SOON!!!! hehe... im not making a song thats like too much for me. i can only make music that soundgs good to me idk how to make music that others would find tolerable .. my blessing .. teehee .. ill make alík like, a page, like the tptm girls have .. nina and nastya too:) nastyas mockup page is done.. but im not showing!!! you get a sneakpeak of the text tho . ty for the ask ❤️im surprised its letting me add images now . wifis been weird all day .. u also get to see a wip of her display sona

idk what her name would be . superlative girl ? unrivalled ? irrelevant ? victorious ? precious ? vote in the comments down below!!!Ninas will be some shit like. unknown girl. apathy girl. etc ... i havent gotten to alíks display sona yet but you KNOW shes ouppy!!!!

okieee‼️‼️‼️thats it . hope ur ok with me sharing the tptm stuff .... ❤️❤️💥💥💥ty again for the ask !!!

[rambrandt-the-painter]

im looking at my old art and im sorry i just have to show some of it off

I'm going to call this my "modern phase" since in art history thats what we call it when artists started moving away from realism and thats what i did here. you can also see me really start to define my identity here as someone who draws body positive trans art at this point i had got over the toxic mindsets that made me detransition and was ready to really explore my identity and move towards being comfortable transitioning medically

obviously this was like last year in what id call my "neoclassical phase" i got pretty good at realism and most of my more popular pieces were inspired by neoclassical art

phase where i was shit at painting but knew who rembrandt was i'll call this my "BS phase" because thats what i signed my work as (stood for bardic snake) this is also when i was doing my william and grel comic which sucked hard. i had also detransitioned at this point and brought in rambrandt who i would inject with estrogen and watch change in real time.

This is my "pastel phase" where i leaned into sketchy linework and was scared to use dark colors. at this point i was moving away from basing my entire personality in having read platos the cave and drew marginally more interesting characters, and yes that is lacey she used to be my fursona

these are some of the earliest pieces of furry art i didnt straight up burn in a fire. i made these in a pretty bad time in my life if i remember correctly. i dont remember exact times but i think its between 2016-2017. this is still lacey. this is when i was starting to question my gender. lacey did actually start out as a man but she isnt trans i just retconned it. looking back that makes me pretty sad and tells you how much i didnt take pride in being trans back then i think

A lot of my friends were posting old art and i thought id join in so thats probably why i did this

[rivilu]

I read your notes about DAQ on that wyll vs dorian post and i just could not agree more. Specifically the thing about krem you said, i absolutely hate how the game while trying to introduce trans friendly concepts just. Forcibly makes your character cis in association. Like no my inquisitioner would not say any of that shit!!! He is trans!!!! And you could tell that shit was not written by a trans person. I think they were trying to avoid using many trans specific words to fit in with the setting but like? "Why do you pass?" Is not a question that makes sense for someone to ask and i hate that theyre taking an existing trans term and trying to make it mean like....the entire concept of transitioning?? Idk i feel like i would be more ok if they could have you be like "oh dw i am also trans" but nah we as the player are just assumed to be cis. Also yeah as you said, inventing transphobia in a series where that wasnt present before, its annoying.

Oh dont get me started I could talk about my gripes with the handling of transness in dragon age (and particularly inquisition) forever. Actually do get me started this has been a long time coming.

i absolutely hate how the game while trying to introduce trans friendly concepts just. Forcibly makes your character cis in association

YEP. Yep yes exactly. your options are 'three flavors of being transphobic' or 'when did you know' . which is what i picked, because you can stretch your imagination a little at least.

But there's also this other tiny elephant in the room issue with Krem that i didnt mention in those tags. Or should i say. Bull in the room ? Because holy shit, way to take away the trans character's speaking voice and characterization so we get to know how much of an ✨Ally ✨the cis man bestie is! Like okay if you're being a transphobic shithead it makes a bit More sense that he'd get defensive and speak up for Krem, but when your question was 'when did you know', Krem answers 'when i was young. not a great thing to know about yourself' and then Bull immediately cuts in to cisplain transness is like? What was the Idea there. Which then makes the dialogue choices being 90% straight up transphobia MORE suspicious, because the game is letting you, almost pushing you to verbally harass Krem.. almost like he doesn't REALLY matter, he's just a vessel to see how Progressive And Trans Friendly And A Good Friend Bull is. Thanks, i hate it.

Even in terms of backstory Bull being Krems savior when he was trying to escape his life etc never really sat right with me. Like there's an underlying demsel vibe i feel the devs stuck in there that really irks me. Not helped by the fact that we dont have a trans voice actor. Also not helped by the fact that this is a fantasy setting with magic but some form of magic hrt? Nah too impossible. Like sure there's some implication that it MIGHT exist somewhere but because magic Bad in the dragon age setting and tevinter magic Even Worse he wouldn't go for it- Like ok. some people might prefer their trans realism in faux medieval media. even fantasy. Im not one of those people. And all those justifications read more like excuses to me. Like you're telling me the circles wouldn't be making BANK out of selling trans-your-gender potions and abusing the shit out of it? And just. Again this makes the setting retroactively much Worse because where before i could point to my warden or Hawke and go 'yeah that's a trans man via magic hrt' and someone who prefers trans realism could ALSO do the same when making theirs how they like. Vagueness in such matters allows for imagination! But now dai is saying noo they had to be cis. And your inquisitor also. Fuck that.

Also yeah as you said, inventing transphobia in a series where that wasnt present before, its annoying.

one tiny correction here. there were hints of transphobia in the first two games, but it was mostly contained in like. Oghren style aged like milk type humor. more meta than text i guess. like in the Pearl in game one if you ask to be surprised there's a chance you get the ever hilarious 'haha you got man in a dress' *crickets* And then Serendipity in mark of the assassin.. well the wiki says she's meant to be a drag queen. So not 100% related to this discussion. But the execution of her character just felt SO mean spirited to me when i was playing that i felt it needed to be mentioned as well. (So i just love her out of spite now. ) But anyway yeah. Out of all the lgbtq things dragon age touches on i feel like gender is one that they. dont really even try to tackle in good faith. And it just got worse as the games went on. I can handle easily skippable side gags that are shitty and unfunny. Inquisition tries to actually bring ATTENTION to the topic, and proceeds to fall flat on its face. Not to mention Sera. Them having one of the main companions being transphobic in banter.

Bioware when I catch you Bioware. Bioware when i catch you.

[iridawn]

Untitled Dysphoria One-Shot

this is definitely more of a personal one, but... eh, whatever. (vent piece, maybe? not really, though...) short, simple, but i just wanted to get it outta my system.

i've wanted to do something like this for jewel box for a while -- and i still might -- but i've been a bit hesitant, so im doing it here. dawn's transness is something i hold very close to my heart, and it's a bit personal whenever i write dysphoria stuff like this, regardless of who i'm writing it for and all that jazz.

it's just... i dunno. i wouldnt wanna do it for a published jewel box chapter cause part of me's kinda worried about it coming off poorly, or anything along those lines. i dont wanna write something that people would be upset with, that's not my intent. i did want to do it at some point, though. it's an idea i really liked, and it's a bit more of a personal thing, is all. hopefully you enjoy it, as heavy as it is

but anywho. dawn has a bit of a crappy morning, and her girlfriend comforts her in whatever way she can.

tw for dysphoria

God.

Dawn looked in the mirror as she felt the dread on her forehead.

She had just gotten up, so her hair was a bit messy. She was going to do that, but…

Perhaps she just had woken up on the wrong side of the bed, but she did not like looking at the person in the mirror. Not at the moment.

Look at that stubble. God, you need to shave. And your face is so… masculine. The way her face was shaped was something that always stuck out to her when she was feeling bad.

And now she was noticing the rest of her body. The parts of it that she hated. The amount of hair on her arms, the fact that she didn’t really have the same body type as a cis woman…

Dawn hated spiraling. She really, really did. She knew it was not healthy in the slightest, and she knew it only led to bad things. But it was so hard to ignore. And she hated putting herself up to these standards, but it was just hard to ignore.

The parts of her she wanted to be feminine were masculine, and there were options for it, but they felt so far away, still. Dawn was still only about two or so years into her transition, anyway. And sure, she had been doing things to help alleviate that pain a little. To make it not as bad, y’know?

Stuff like makeup. Doing her nails every so often. Maybe she’d try a new hairstyle or two.

But every time, that nag in her head would sometimes come out.

“You still look like a man.”

She knew it was ridiculous. She knew that she still had so much time to go, that there were still incredible things that could happen to her and were going to happen to her, and that she had a lot of support. Dawn knew all of these things, and she knew that these thoughts never helped.

And yet, they persisted.

All Dawn could do is stare in the mirror blankly, her brain pointing out all the things about herself she didn’t like.

She wanted to move, she wanted to just do something else, hell, maybe she’d actually shave. Dawn always felt pretty good after that. She just wanted to do something to get out of this spiral she was in.

But all she could do is just stare at the person in the mirror, and how that person’s body was not the body she wanted to have, and she wasn’t sure if she’d ever have it.

All these parts about her were difficult to straight up impossible to remove. And to think, if fate had been different, hell, if she had spoken up a bit more, she wouldn’t have to worry about any of this.

Dawn loved being trans, and she was so happy to be who she was. That part of her identity was a huge part of who she was, too, so it’s not like she hated it. Far from it. She wouldn’t change any of that for the world, but she still couldn’t help this spiral she was in. Sometimes these moods of dysphoria just hit her like a truck, and though she knew they were ridiculous, it was hard to ignore.

Was it stupid? Yes. Very.

But it was also entirely out of her control, it felt like. She wanted to stop her brain from thinking like this, but… unfortunately, that’s just not how things seemed to work for her, most of the time.

Fuck, it was bad today.

I don’t deserve the things I have, because everybody’s just putting up with it. They’re all being nice to me, because they don’t want to lie and tell me they actually think I’m just a man masquerading around in a dress. I feel disgusting. I—

“Dawn.”

Dawn snapped out of her thoughts, jumping a little as she looked to her side to see a very worried looking Irida.

“…Are you okay?”

Dawn wanted to say something to reassure her. I’m fine, Irida. No need to worry about me, just woke up a little funny, that’s all. She wanted to say that, to make Irida not worry about her. Give her a smile, a hug, and a very nice kiss. To blow this entire thing off, and just have a nice morning.

But Dawn just stood there and stared at her, the worried expression on her face almost making her feel worse. She looked down at the floor of the bathroom for a few seconds, before looking back up at Irida.

“…’m okay.” Dawn’s voice was weak. She tried to give a weak smile to Irida, but couldn’t really muster anything more than a very slight curve of the lips.

Irida’s frown remained, clearly not believing Dawn. But she simply walked forward and wrapped her arms around Dawn, pulling her into a hug. Dawn remained motionless, but Irida rested her head onto her girlfriend’s shoulder, the warm embrace helping Dawn become a bit more grounded.

She slowly wrapped hers around Irida as well, her eyes beginning to tear up. She didn’t make any noises, she just held Irida close, enjoying this comforting embrace.

“…I think you look beautiful, Dawn.”

Dawn’s hug around Irida tightened a little at those words. Sure, it was a very small gesture, and it’s not like it immediately fixed things. But it made her feel a little better, at the very least, and she was thankful for that more than anything else.

Irida pulled back, looking into Dawn’s eyes.

“Honestly, it’s like every single day, you get a little prettier. It blows me away, really… that I got as lucky as I did, to fall in love with you.”

Dawn looked at Irida with a slightly weak smile, her eyes still watering. Irida wiped a few of the tears on her cheek, a weak laugh coming from Dawn. Another simple gesture, but it was sweet.

“…Thanks for getting that.”

“No worries at all, Dawn.”

Dawn sighed, pulling Irida in once more. “…Sorry you gotta deal with me like this.”

“I’m not dealing with anything, Dawn.” She gave Dawn a kiss on the cheek. “I care about you more than anything, and I’ll always be here for you, no matter how you’re feeling or doing. And if you’re not at your best, then I’ll do whatever I can to help, regardless of what it is.”

“…thanks, hon.”

Dawn squeezed Irida a little tighter once more, tears still on her face. She wasn’t sobbing, but they were still coming out. Irida hummed lightly, rubbing Dawn’s back gently.

They stayed in this embrace for a bit, their eyes closed. It was helping Dawn ground herself, and she was thankful for that. She still didn’t feel her best, but having someone as wonderful as her girlfriend to help her calm down was very helpful.

“Do you want to head back to bed and just cuddle for a bit?”

Dawn looked up and nodded. “Would be pretty nice.”

“Okay, Dawn. Whatever works for you.” Irida gave a genuinely happy smile to Dawn, which made her heart do leaps.

She hated being down like this, but having Irida there to help her through it would be a huge help. It always was.

They’d find ways to help Dawn cheer up later, but for now, Dawn just wanted to take things easy.

With that, Dawn led the way back to her room, and to their bed, to just relax for a while. Cuddling with Irida was always a nice pick-me-up.

They'd work through the rest of the day later. She just needed to relax, for now. And she was grateful she would do that with the love of her life.

[jaed1nzmogies]

heyy long time no see! anyways rant post. its cool to skip this :)

cw for queer discourse. which i hate, and this will probably be the only time i ever discuss anything like this besides the occasional reblog

just a little rant about my thoughts recently. and please dont try to change my mind. im autistic and i have a large sense of justice so its almost impossible to change my mind about things im very stubborn

of course, my rant is about trans men trying to claim the lesbian label. i want to be specific when i say trans MEN, not trans masc people, not “masculine-aligned”, not gender fluid or anything else. trans men that identify as men. and THEN try to claim to be a lesbian. listen, i am in no way advocating for those types of lesbians. the really weird terfy ones are bad. so terfy lesbians or whatever youre calling yourself that hate trans women i do not like you.

Anyways, its infuriating. How are you not disgusted by using the term lesbian as a man? how are you, as a trans man, comfortable in any way shape or form. you work so hard to fit in as a man, right? if you are a man in your head, why do you think a lesbian would be attracted to you? surely you KNOW they are not thinking of you as a man. ever. And, how are you even comfortable using the term that women and other non men carved out for themselves? how do you feel like you have the right to trample over everything like that as a man?

I genuinely do not care if you identified as a lesbian before you transitioned. That does not give you the right to infringe on that label that is not for you. I don’t care if you “have such a deep connection to the label” you are creepy. Can you imagine a cis man doing that? why are you any different? and dont even get me started with “sexuality and gender are not rigid” then dont use the terms when you mean something else??? along with “contradicting terms is what being queer is about” what?? that is literally not even true 😭😭 identifying as things out of spite of your OWN community is crazy. these peoples logic is so crazy. i want to open their skull and examine their brain to see how it works.

Contradicting terms were more popular in the past, with things like boy dyke or other examples i cannot remember right now (im sorry if that wasnt even right but you know what im talking about right) The community has obviously changed. And it’s definitely for the better. As it stands, the community has plenty of fighting as it is. There is nothing you lose from just admitting something that everyone else knows; Youre just straight.

This is just another stupid issue that can so easily be solved. If you are a man, cis or trans, doesn’t matter. You cannot be a lesbian. You can have a connection to past experiences when you identified as a girl. You can recognize its part of your upbringing and effected you as a person. That does not give you the right to infringe on the label.

The community has demonized the label Straight so much that their own men have cowarded in fear of it.

You can use the word straight. you are not any less part of this community, i promise. theres more to life than existing out of spite of your own siblings.

Im going to be honest, if you identify as a lesbian, no one will see you as a man.

Honestly, why is it always lesbians getting the butt end of everything? wheres all the trans women claiming to be gay? yeah i wonder.

also, i want to make it clear im obviously a progressive. this is just where i draw the line morally. ok thanks

Anyways! i know this isnt the important issue right now but letting things off your chest is a good thing, right?

anyways love u guys hope ur doin well

[protagonistheavy]

I dont have time to rant much about it but JCA season 5 is off to a sucky start. Im glad there's only a handful of episodes left because man it's really lost the charm at this point.

First off, maybe most important even... why the fuck did they straight up ruin the theme song???? For WHAT reason!! They removed the first few measures of build-up from the song so the intro just BEGINS right in the middle, but the animation still plays from the beginning, so you have this intense music replacing what used to be a snippet of "urgent mystery." And seriously, for WHAT REASON? They don't add anything to the intro animation!! In fact it's actually shorter because they put Jade and Uncle's animations side-by-side rather than separate. Yet not only does it play the whole song, but it has to awkwardly loop one of the parts because it isn't long enough! I think they did this so the intro credits could have a few more seconds to show off a few more names lmao, which is just terrible. It's not like JCA had a boppin theme song but it got me in the mood! And now it just looks and sounds so bad, the action doesn't line-up, ugh.

Drago is an interesting concept for a villain but his ineptitude and attitude as a child/teenager makes him unimpressive as the main villain. Honestly the series has a had hard time since season 2 making new villains feel like proper successors; the move from Shendu to Shendu and his demon siblings was an AWESOME transition of power/stakes, but Daolong and Tarakuda were lackluster. Drago has way too many one-liners for a guy that gets kicked into walls by Jade.

That last point is another problem, which is that the action went back to being lazy again lol. It picked back up in season 4, but it's returned to season 3 levels of "just guys hitting each other," with not enough circumstance and environmental fighting. Jade doesn't have to do any tricks or kiddish maneuvers, she just kicks people around; Uncle zaps people with his magic fish while Tohru becomes less and less competent.

And oh Tohru, god they've made him a giggling child. It's honestly disturbing how little of his old self still seems around. I legitimately wondered if he went back to having Jade's chi like in that vampire episode lol, he's just so childish and naive now. A real bummer since Tohru was for sure one of the most compelling characters.

The Enforcers aren't around : ( Bad move, these are just such good and funny characters, and their replacements are simply not worthy. It IS funny to see Strikemaster Ice make a comeback, I wasn't expecting that lol, but him and his two buds are nowhere near as interesting as the Enforcers. Additionally, their Drago-given dragon-forms are just sooooo ugly, oh my god. Considering we already did the "turning henchmen into super-henchmen" thing once before, this is pretty hard to look at, clearly the inferior take on the idea. It's taken lifeless characters and made them look even more lifeless, harder to tell apart, and with nothing making them unique; when the Enforcers became Dark Chi Warriors, they had individual weapons that made them varied as fighters, but these guys are all just dragon things with fire powers, it's a real downgrade and just straight-up looks worse.

So this might be a disappointing end to JCA. I think what's unfortunate is that the series had so much innate charm that the writers didn't capitalize completely on, I genuinely think they just didn't have the creativity to make strong and emotional episodes that an adventure series like this needs. I think A LOT about one particular quote from Alex Hirsch... a show ten years ahead of JCA lol but still relevant. Alex explained that when writing an episode for Gravity Falls, the episode couldn't just be "evil tooth fairy," it had to be a compelling plot about, like, Mable loosing her teeth, or going to the dentist -- there had to be a human character arc that made the evil tooth fairy aspect have context and relevance. JCA badly needed this sort of emotional touch and thinking, because they clearly understand what COULD make the characters more compelling, but they failed to weave that into the episodes themselves. Take the episode about Jade's birthday -- which has NOTHING to do about Jade's birthday, other than it's something she keeps complaining about while they do typical episode stuff. In a better written version of the episode, the plot of Jade's birthday would be interconnected with things happening, it would serve a purpose -- but it's just a random element here, a random point to put pressure on the characters, that ultimately goes nowhere related to the rest of the episode.

Anyway I do love this show but after watching it almost completely, I suppose I do understand why this show didn't retain popularity. The first two seasons are great, but not so fantastic that it shines through its later, less impressive seasons. My brainrot tells me so many ways this series couldve been way more interesting lol, but something like this is super unlikely to inspire any remakes or reboots, so, it is what it is. A cute toon. The ultimate question I have to ask is: is it better than Kim Possible? It isn't. Kim Possible claims another head.

[kakashihasibs]

Is it ok to ask you gender-related questions? Because I’m kinda stuck in a phase where I’m questioning my gender a lot and idk what to do about it tbh. And you seem to have yourself figured out and you’re confident in your gender and you know who you are, and idk maybe you have some advice for someone who’s questioning. If you don’t feel comfortable answering this or giving advice, totally ok too, just ignore the ask, I don’t want to overstep any boundaries

Ur all good! I'm more than happy to talk about gender/trans stuff! ^_^ my only worry is, no matter what i say i might not be able to help you >.> bc at the end of the day only you can know these things about yourself, and the rest of us can only take you at your word.

So! I'm going to start with gender doesn't have to be a big commitment! If you say one thing today, you can say another thing tomorrow and it doesn't make either any less true in the moment you said them! Or! You just can be wrong and that's okay. There no harm committed against anyone if you end up being wrong about your gender at some point. It doesn't hurt me, a trans guy, if you say ur a trans guy and then realize ur not actually a trans guy.

Like what harm could possibly happen there that's caused by you? You took up resources? What resources? A few months of testosterone? An appointment or two with a therapist? Okay then should i be mad at the person who thought they were having a heart attack but turns out it was a panic attack instead? Should i be angry at them for causing me to wait an extra hour in the waiting room bc they guessed wrong? No that's fucking stupid.

My waiting an extra hour so someone could be taken care of isnt some terrible harm against me. Me waiting an extra month for my gender therapist appointment bc one person guesses their gender wrong isn't going to keep me from transitioning. A month or two extra wont kill me. I'm more than happy to wait if it means some else gets the care they needed in that moment. So anyway there's no harm in being wrong! Life isn't a zero-sum game.

Even if you think you might want to do something like HRT you can /try/ and stop if it ends up not for you. You can try and stop just about anything. Surgeries are harder to undo but no impossible.

I know people act like you're potentially ~mutilating~ or ~ruining~ yourself if you do anything that makes you farther from the cis ideal but that's based in cissexism and fucked up beauty standards. There are many many cis people who will have the features you might gain from HRT without ever having touched a hormone in their life. They're not "ruined" they're not "ugly" or less important or disposable or whatever fucked up wrong shit people might say.

So take the pressure off of yourself! Think about unpacking any beauty standards that might make you uncomfortable with experimenting with gender.

Early on I actually planned to never go on testosterone bc i was afraid and frankly disgusted by the idea of having body hair, but i already had dark coarse body hair. Yeah i was afraid of something i already had 🤦 bc i hadnt let go of white/western centric standards of beauty.

Also the very thing i was so worried about is what I'm happiest about now! I love having body hair 😌

You dont have to do anything you dont want to. Okay so ur a trans guy now cool! But you like ur boobs and dont want top surgery? Awesome wonderful amazing. A trans woman who likes having a dick? Excellent. Trans and too fucking lazy to do... anything? Whatever my bud it's all good bc your presentation if whatever you want to make of it.

You can start with trying on different clothes or you can jump straight to HRT (if you have a chill enough prescriber that is x_x). You can take things and leave things. Start something then stop it a day or week or 20 years later.

Bodily autonomy is bodily autonomy. That should be the basis of all of your experimenting. You want to make your body, yourself, you. Your home. Even if you question and try stuff out but decide you're cis then at least your know for sure and you're cis on purpose now 😌

Whatever you decide it must be your choice. You can go as fast or as slow as you want. Make your body yours ^_^

So tl;dr 1) take the pressure off of gender. It's not a one time commitment 2) you harm no one by being wrong 3) recognize your internalized cissexism and challenge it. 4) it's your body, life, and gender. Do with it as you will.

[irene-dimension]

ok well just let me type this out to get it out of my head. senior year was seriously ass. and now thats its over..; im in this weird in between right now of classes having ended but so much senior stuff is still coming up. and i feel like a complete and utter failure. not academically. academically, i got my aice diploma junior year, went to college full time as a hs senior, got into my dream school and the top school in florida, and had straight A's every year. yeah, it sounds good all typed out, but i cant help but feel that the struggle for all that was worthless. because somehow, i still failed. i hardly have any real friends. many of my friendships crumbled this year. i have severe social anxiety. i feel like everyone else in my class is so social and has such strong bonds with so many people, and i dont have that. i dont know how to interact normally. making friends is simply a skill i never really developed. and a lot of the blame for that falls on how i was raised. i went to a tiny private catholic school for 11 years. the same 30 people in my grade (15 per class as we were divided into two, because 30 was considered a large class) for ELEVEN YEARS. it truly does something to the psyche. and only a handful of my peers werent assholes. then, i started hs during covid. it was frustrating in terms of making friends, because there was such a heavy expectation to branch out and do that, but we also weren't really supposed to be near each other? and going from a school with maybe 230 people to one with 1,500 was not an easy transition. i didnt know how to really socialize! and i feel like ive never been able to change the effect all that had on me. then being labeled "quiet" and "shy" makes you never wanna open your mouth ever again. i was in three clubs, and it made no difference. seeing everyone else with their large friend groups makes me feel so insecure and shitty. and fucking THEATER KIDS should not be making ME feel insecure like what the actual fuck?? anyways. i feel like ive cried more in this in between time than all year, and i wasnt particularly doing well all year either. it just sucks. im so so sad over the what ifs. i have to grieve the person i couldve been and the life i couldve had. its not fucking fair. on top of that, the school im going to is the one my parents, grandparents, and many of my other family members went to. my older sister didnt get in, when they really wanted her to go. i worked so hard to get in because i had some stupid notion that i could "win" and finally they could love me as much as they love her. yet, they dont even seem happy about it. they act like they dont care at all. like everything they have to do regarding college stuff is just a burden to them. like, great. i wasted my whole life,, i couldn't make friends, i couldn't make my parents like me, nor the rest of my family. everyone just views me as some shy loser freak.

at least i didnt peak in high school, right?

[indigo474]

~taking a deep dive~

In a lot of ways i feel like i am back where i started. How is that possible? It's really not. I'm not the same person i was when i started. But, here i am learning about myself and continuously taking a deep look at myself and my behavior. 5 years ago i was in a much different head space.. much different. anyway..this week i havent had a much time alone as i usually do. MAdison is just always there. I have my early morning before she gets home but even that time is interrupted. it's been an adjustment for me.. which is funny because i'm not the one working that shift. I woke up to an "i made us breakfast" text.. which is so sweet, i mean, i cant be angry about that. i did tell her i needed some alone time today which worked out good because she had to lay down.. an adjustment. the truth is i can always retreat into my room and shut my door. I had my yearly review. it went well. i thought my manager was fair. I was a little surprised at how is was actually conducted and my manager kept saying i usually dont do them this way... i'm not really sure why she would do my review differently than any other one. i am not well liked by the other supervisors..it's weird because as a lead an a rep i was well liked. "they" feel a certain way because of who my supervisor is.. apparently i am untouchable- i don't care- i did- but i don't anymore. i wouldn't be friends with any of them. i'm getting a new team member. I was approached on Monday and told the transition would happen sometime this week.. In the past, if i didnt hear anything, i would ask this person when we were going to have this meeting. I would pretty much push for the meeting and make this person settle on a time and date.. my anxiety needed to know when the meeting would take place.. this person likes to have long, late meetings and i just cant stay late because i have to workout. Also this person thinks we should all be staying after our shifts and get annoyed when he sees supervisors leaving at 5.. well, i didnt push for the meeting and it didnt happen. i hate that i work for a company where the upper management says things, but doesnt do them. how about just letting me know the meeting wasnt going to happen this week.

i saw a cute guy at the gym today. no ring. maybe i should start going to the gym. my music played at the gym, but wont when im outside. i lifted 205 with the hex bar- apparently that is easier than the straight bar. i had a killer arm workout.. ouch but in a good way. I had dinner with Marci- she tells me she just knows i will meet a good man- she absolutely knows it will happen.. so sweet... she doesnt say much about her man. i have yet to meet him and the few things she has told me well.. im starting to think maybe something... but then again i'm weird but also.. Marci is a little clueless when it comes to domestic abuse and narcissistic behavior.. which is weird because she's educated in mental health.. when they went on vacation together, he drove, and she said he scared her in the car. she only told me after i questioned her about the drive... she originally said the drive was horrible.. he kind of just came in and swept her off her feet.. maybe that happens? it was everything all at once and there wasnt even really a getting to know you period.. and he knew she was going away with me, we planned it well in advance.. the day were coming back he surprised her with tickets to some sort of show... he didnt ask her, he told her.. i got these tickets.. we were now on a timeline because he lives 2+ hrs away and she had to drive to him.. to me, it seemed odd. i would want to me asked if i wanted to go especially after being away for a few days.. it was also weird how all of a sudden she didn't want to go out dancing.. she planned the trip around us going to the club and at the last minute she didnt feel like going.. i wonder if he had something to do with that??? she also does not like to be alone... so, i worry about her and GOD i hope this guy is as great as he appears to be.. the car thing.. a total dick move..

i think i might be going to london. ive decided, i am going to be delusional... about my life. I am going to radically believe that everything my heart desires is on its way to me... everything.. i am in my winning season. Ohhh and i am officially officially obsessed with my ass.. it's been going on for a few months now.. but dam. My ass looks good.. i cant stop grabbing my own ass.. i am hoping to find someone who is as obsessed with my ass as i am..

Kika is my girl and i love her.