#they were split up for two hours and started acted up when they reunited

[assiraphales]

usopp interrupted their flirting

[h00nerz]

cruel summer!

“i love you, ain’t that the worst thing you’ve ever heard?”

masterlist | moodboard | playlist

paring: choi yeonjun x fem!reader

genre: summer romance/fling, childhood friends to strangers to lovers, fluff, angst

word count: 30k

warnings: profanity, suggestive content, cheating, divorce, implications of sex but no smut, alcohol consumption, mentions of smoking weed i think, that’s it afaik

summary: following a painful divorce from your father, your mother is desperate to escape from reality. it turns out, the best way to do that is to visit your childhood vacation spot you hadn’t been to in nearly a decade. you’re reunited with your old friend, choi yeonjun, who has grown from some annoying, scrawny kid into a handsome, charming man. when yeonjun sets his sights on you, it’s practically impossible to resist his charm. the only issue is summer can’t last forever, and neither can your romance.

authors note: this fic is literally six months in the making so i am beyond enthused i’m finally able to post it! this is truly a massive fic i am so so sorry but i hope you’ll enjoy reading it!! thanks to everyone who’s supported my adventure writing this thing, especially linny and sav!

IT WAS INCREDIBLE TO YOU HOW all it took was one little choice to completely alter the course of someone’s life. When you were eleven, you’d opted for a different way to walk home from school, and just happened to pass by a ballet studio where a group of dancers were practicing. From that moment on, you’d become infatuated with dance, convincing your parents to let you enroll in a studio and beginning your own career as a dancer. When you were seventeen, you chose not to go to school one day just because you didn’t feel like it, and the bus you usually took had gotten into a bad wreck that morning.

Most notable, though, was when you were twenty-one, when your dad had made the choice to sleep with your family’s housekeeper, and your mom chose to come home from her business trip a day early to surprise the family. Those two choices led to your mother catching your father in the act, and then to her retaining an attorney to draft up divorce papers. Before you even had a moment to stop and process everything that was going on, your parents were split up, and your dad disappeared without so much as a goodbye.

You expected for your mom to be more upset. After all, her husband of 25 years had just thrown away the trust they’d spend so long to build away like it was nothing, but she wasn’t. Her focus remained on her work, the same as it always had. Work was always something very important to your mother, even since you were just a little girl. Consequently, she wasn’t home very much when you were growing up, which you thought you were fine with at the time. It wasn’t until you were older you reflected back on your childhood and how it affected you. At some point, you wondered if it was part of the reason your parents’ marriage ended the way you did, but you knew it was still your dad’s fault at the end of the day.

You never suspected anything to be wrong with her until she randomly suggested the two of you go spend the summer at your old family beach house together. There was no reason she would have proposed taking an entire three months away from her work--alone with you, nonetheless--unless she was searching for some kind of distraction from all of the events that had transpired in the earlier months. 

It had been nearly a decade since the last time you visited your old beach house. You had gone nearly every summer of your childhood there, spending the long hours of the summer days building sand castles and swimming with the friends you had made while you were there. Then, when the sun was starting to set, you would wander around town with your parents, getting dinner together and then some ice cream that you would eat while you pointed out different constellations in the stars. You had amazing memories associated with the little beach town, but that's all they were. Memories.

You were now finishing up your junior year of college, and those three months of summer were the last you’d have before you started your senior year, and prepared for graduating. So, truthfully, spending an entire summer in some rinky-dink town alone with your mother did not sound too enticing. However, you knew she was going through a difficult time, and frankly so were you. You convinced yourself that this bonding experience was exactly what the two of you needed, and even though you would rather stay in your hometown and have some fun with your friends before being thrust into the real world, you decided to go. 

The little beachside town was exactly how you remembered it. Warm, friendly, and full of life. Everywhere you looked, there were people out and about, taking advantage of the city sidewalks and the nice weather to get to where they needed to go. It was a beautiful little town, and even though you hadn’t really wanted to go in the first place, you found yourself reveling in the familiar feeling. You even caught sight of the little ice cream stall on main street your family always went to in the past. A thick wave of nostalgia washed over you, and suddenly you felt like a little girl all over again. But when you looked to your left, the sight of your mother driving the car and not your father grounded you to the reality of your situation.

“Aw, look, Y/N? Remember that store? You would always pick something out to bring home.” Your mother laughed as you cruised down main street, and you peered out the window to see the little souvenir shop you always visited while you were in town. Instinctively, your fingers leapt to your neck, toying with the shell necklace you chose to wear for your trip.

“And there! Isn’t that where your little friend used to live?” She looked the most excited you’d seen her in awhile as she scanned the buildings you passed by. It made you feel better about your decision to agree to this trip.

“You mean Jisu?” You asked, tilting your head to get a better look at the house. Jisu’s family actually lived in the town, and she was one of the friends you had made when you were younger. You never really kept in touch with her outside of your time spent together, so you had no idea what she was up to these days. You weren’t even sure her family still lived in town.

“Yes, Jisu! Oh, the Chois were such a lovely family, we should stop by and see if they’re still around, maybe we could even ask them to dinner.”

She continued to point out random landmarks and recall old memories as you drove through the little town, but at some point you had drowned her out. You instead took in the surroundings for yourself, letting your own memories play out in your head. You, Jisu and your other friend Chaeryeong would ride your bikes around the town and use the money your parents gave you to get giant snow cones together. It was crazy to think that you once considered those girls to be your closest friends in the whole world, now you could barely remember what they looked like.

Finally, after what felt like an eternity of your mother blabbing on about all the things your family used to do, and all the things she wanted to do now, you reached your old beach house. As soon as you saw it, you were reminded of all your childhood memories of that little house. Playing board games in the sun room, sitting on the porch and watching the sun dip down below the waves, eating waffles for breakfast every morning…

“Y/N, come on, your bags.” Your mother’s voice interrupted your little slideshow of memories playing in your brain. You would have more time to reminisce later.

A COUPLE OF HOURS AFTER YOUR ARRIVAL, most of your belongings were unpacked, and you were ready for dinner. Unfortunately for you, though, your mother was not ready, since she had apparently decided to bring her entire closet on the trip and had barely made it halfway through unpacking by the time you were finished. More fortunate, however, she told you to just go pick up dinner for the both of you from a local restaurant while she worked, so you wouldn’t have to sit around and wait for her.

Jake’s was an old burger shop that was very popular amongst the town, and for good reason, too. Their cheeseburgers were some of the best you’d ever come across during your twenty plus years on earth, and you were very excited to finally have one again after all these years. You hoped they still held up. As soon as you walked through the door, the aroma of all the different foods filled your nose, and another thick wave of nostalgia hit you like a truck. You were immediately reminded of the nights your family spent in a booth there, your mother and dad talking about whatever nonsense while you contently sipped on your milkshake that was nearly twice the size that you were. 

You had already called in the order before leaving, so all you had to do now was sit and wait for them to be ready with your food. Two double cheeseburgers, two medium fries, a large chocolate milkshake and a large strawberry milkshake. The thought of getting to drink one of those milkshakes after all these years made your mouth water.

“Y/N?” You heard a voice call out, and whipped around to face the direction it had come from. At first you thought it was your food being done, but instead it was a familiar face you hadn’t seen in years.

“Jisu! Hi!” You greeted your old friend, holding your arms out to envelop her in a warm hug. The interaction felt somehow foreign and familiar at the same time, but mostly the latter. 

“Wow! It’s been, what, nine years since we last saw each other?” She asked after pulling away from the hug, her hands still rested on your forearms.

“Something like that.” You laughed softly, taking a moment to really take in how much she had changed over the years. She obviously looked completely different, since she was a grown woman now, but she also looked exactly the same. “You still live here?”

She nodded, looking you up and down as she did the same thing you did. “Yep. I mean, I go to college out of town so I’m gone during the school year, but I always come back home when I get the chance.” She smiled fondly at you, and she had the kind of smile that made you feel all warm and fuzzy all over just at the sight of it. “What about you?”

The two of you continued to chat, catching one another up on the basics of how things had gone over the last nine years. It turned out both she and Chaeryeong’s families still lived in the area, and the two were still very close friends. She even suggested the three of you get together sometime soon, for old time’s sake. You filled her in on how you were also attending school, and still did dance as a hobby to keep you busy. You chose to leave out the part of your life where your dad cheated with the housekeeper that was only a few years older than you, and the part where your parents got a divorce. It wasn’t something you were quite ready to tell people about, not even Jisu.

You were interrupted by your name being called, which meant your food was finally ready.

“Well, I guess we should probably head back to our own places before our food gets cold, right?” Jisu suggested, clutching her own bag of food between her hands.

“Probably. I think my mom will kill me if I let her shake melt.” You replied, which earned a laugh out of Jisu.

“Hey, um, a few of my friends are having a big bonfire party on the beach tomorrow night, you should come.” She told you as you both exited the small restaurant, an invitation that made your heart flip. You suddenly felt horrible for never keeping in contact with her, because she was much sweeter than any of your friends at home. You had been in town less than twenty four hours, and she was already inviting you to spend time with her.

“Really?” You asked her, raising your eyebrows. “Yeah, I would love to come!” 

“Really?” She echoed, eyes widening as if you had just told her you would give her a thousand dollars. “That’s great! I’ll let them know you’re coming, I’m sure most of them will love to see you again!” She spoke giddily, nearly leaping out of her own skin from excitement.

You bid each other goodbye, and then went your separate ways. The entire walk back to the house, you couldn’t hide your happiness no matter how hard you tried. Maybe, just maybe, this trip wasn't going to be as bad as you had anticipated. You shouldn’t have spoken so soon, though, as you still had three months to go.

FOR THE LIFE OF YOU, you could not figure out why this party was making you so nervous. You’d spent nearly an hour in your closet, digging through your clothes and throwing them around so by the time you’d finally settled on something, your floor had disappeared under a sea of clothes. Maybe it was because you were going to be here for three months, and if you didn’t make friends now, you were going to spend all that time alone with no one except your own mother, who would surely drive you insane.

At first, you felt a bit guilty about leaving her home alone all night, but luckily for you, she had found some old friends of her own to go out with. And now, here you were, standing on the sidewalk and staring down at the beach where the fire was already going, and a lot more than a few friends had gathered to party. You were trying to find Jisu amidst the crowd of people, so you could easily approach her first, but you were having a difficult time locating her in the darkness. And you probably looked like an idiot, just standing there and waiting for something, but you would rather do that than have to go down there alone.

It had been a long time since you’d been to a proper party. Sure, you had lots of friends of your own back in the city, but most of them were too school oriented to ever attend parties, and you were afraid of going to one without at least one of your friends. So, you were definitely afraid now. 

“Yeri!” You heard a voice behind you shout, and nearly jumped out of your own skin when you felt a hand on your shoulder. You flipped around to see some guy you’d never met before standing behind you, a panicked look on his face as he held up his hands in surrender. “Oh, sorry. Definitely not Yeri.”

“No, not Yeri.” You laughed nervously, reaching up to protectively hold your shoulders. 

“Hmm, I don’t think we’ve met before? If you’re not Yeri, who are you?” He asked inquisitively, taking a step closer to you as you tried to turn away from him.

“Oh, my name is Y/N.” You replied, your cheeks warming at how close he was standing next to you. In the darkness of the night, you couldn’t quite make out his face, but guessing by the few features that were illuminated by the glow of the bonfire, you could guess he was quite handsome. The realization suddenly made you even more nervous.

“Y/N? Like Y/N L/N?” You glanced over at him to see him gaping at you in surprise, and furrowed your eyebrows together.

“Uh, yeah? Why?”

He laughed softly. “So, you don’t recognize me?” He rose an eyebrow at you, and you fought the urge to roll your eyes. You could barely see his face, how were you supposed to recognize him?

“No… Should I?” You queried, tilting your head to the side as if it would give you a better view of his face.

“I don’t know… Does Crab Castle ring a bell?” And ring a bell it did. Those two words immediately gave you flashbacks to one summer you’d been in town, and one of Jisu’s cousins had come to visit as well. He and you had been building sand castles on the same beach, when you first ran into each other, and at first you had decided he was your rival. You tried everything in your power to sabotage his castles, and he destroyed your’s. But, another kid had showed up on the same beach, and his castles were much more intricate and sophisticated than either of yours’. So, you proposed the two of you teamed up to make the best castle that beach had ever seen. 

That was how Crab Castle was born, the sand castle that you had, at the time, thought was the greatest sand castle ever to be built. It had multiple towers, and archways, and you even made your own custom crab emblem to decorate the castle. It took you from sunrise until sunset to build it, and before you were dragged home by your parents, you decided to destroy it together, which had honestly been way more fun than your time spent building it up.

Your eyes went wide.

“Yeonjun?!” You laughed in disbelief, taking a step back to get a better look at him. Compared to the weird little boy you had competed with on the beach ten years ago, he was a completely different person. A taller, more muscular, and definitely more good-looking person. You couldn’t believe it was Yeonjun standing in front of you. “Holy shit, you look…”

“Taller? Hotter? More muscular?” He grinned, raising one of his arms to flex his biceps, but you hurriedly smacked his arm before he could.

“Don’t do that, weirdo.” You wrinkled your nose, and he laughed at that. “What are you doing here? I thought you lived in the city?” 

He shrugged. “My friends and I wanted to do something fun this summer, have an adventure, I guess, and I thought it would be a good idea to come spend time down here.” His gaze shifted over to the bonfire, where you assumed these friends he was talking about were hanging out. “What about you? You guys haven’t been down here in forever. I didn’t think I’d ever see you again.”

“My mom wanted to take a girls trip, just the two of us.” You told him.“And since I’m graduating next year, I thought it would be good to have one last adventure before I have to get a real job.” 

He nodded slowly, and you watched as he looked you up and down slowly, as if he was taking all of you in. “Cool, cool… So you’re here all summer then?”

“Yeah.” You answered, and began to chew the inside of your cheek. “You?”

“Yeah.” He echoed, and you felt your heart begin to race. An entire three months in the same town as Yeonjun, a boy you hadn’t thought about in half a decade, but a boy who had grown into a very, very attractive man. “We’ll have to hang out sometime. Outside of a party, I mean.” 

Your eyes widened. “Oh, sure. If I have the time.” You blink at him, completely aware of how stupid you must sound. But he didn’t seem to mind, instead letting out a little laugh at your comment.

“Well, try to pencil me in your busy schedule, okay?” He smiled at you, a smile that made your heart flutter. Jeez, you couldn’t believe how tremendously down bad you already were, after spending less than ten minutes with him. This definitely wasn’t normal for you. 

He started to walk away, as if that was the end of the conversation, but you quickly panicked. “Wait! Do you know where Jisu is? She invited me, and I should probably go and talk to her.” 

Graciously, Yeonjun led you down to the party, letting you trail behind him like some kind of lost puppy looking for its owner. Once you were down by the actual fire, the party felt a lot smaller, like there weren’t nearly as many people as you thought. Or maybe it was just because you were so focused on Yeonjun, you barely noticed the other people around you. Either way, your nerves were starting to feel much more at ease than before.

“Ahh! Y/N!” Jisu greeted you once Yeonjun had finally delivered you to your old friend, and she threw her arms around your neck to pull you in for a tight hug. You could smell the cheap beer on her breath, giggling to yourself at how tipsy she already was. “Look, Chaer! It’s Y/N!” 

She pulled away from you to let you get a good look at your other old friend, Chaeryeong, who had that same phenomenon of looking completely different yet exactly the same. She greeted you with a hug as well, cooing about how good it was to see you. As she hugged you, you glanced over at Yeonjun, who was watching the whole interaction, and mouthed a silent “thank you”. He gave you a salute before turning and disappearing into the crowd.

“Were you just with Yeonjun?” Jisu asked, eyeing you suspiciously.

“Hm? Oh, yeah, we ran into each other on the way in. I barely even recognized him.” You explained to her, letting out a little laugh as you spoke. You expected her to laugh, too, but instead her suspicious eyes narrowed.

“He’s hot, right?” Chaeryeong giggled, leaning onto your shoulder as though you were the best of friends. Your cheeks heated up at the comment, as you frantically began to shake your head. 

“Nononono, that’s not what I meant! It’s just crazy how much people can change in ten years, isn’t it? One day, they’re a little kid throwing sand in your eyes, and the next they’re, like, a mature adult.” 

Jisu snorted. “He is not mature. You should have heard him whining yesterday when his friends were making fun of him for liking mint chocolate chip ice creams. He’s more like a baby than a grown adult.” She told you, then took a long sip of her drink. “Anyway, you should be careful around him. My aunt says he’s dated, like, six girls in the last year. He’s a whore.” She said, and Chaeryeong nodded in agreement.

“Mhm! Guys like him, Y/N, they only want one--” she leaned forward and wagged a singular finger in your face. “--one thing!” She warned you, and although you believed her, it was hard to take her seriously with how obviously out of it she was.

“Okay, I think I get it.” You laughed nervously, holding your hands up in defense. “No talking to Yeonjun. I’ll just hang out with you guys instead.” 

They seemed to like the sound of that idea, letting out loud cheers and pulling you in for another hug. “It’s so nice to have you back, Y/N! Hey, tomorrow, we should go get snow cones! Just like old times!” Jisu sang. “But, first, let’s get you something to drink!” 

THE NEXT MORNING YOU WOKE UP with a throbbing headache. You weren’t sure how much you drank the night before--actually, you weren’t sure of anything from the night before. Your memory was foggy, leaving very little that you could actually recall. 

You can remember trying to shotgun one of your cans of beer (you can’t remember if you were actually able to do it or not), and you remember telling Chaeryeong and Jisu all about your first boyfriend, and then you remember being wet. You don’t remember why you were wet, or rather how you got wet, you just remember being wet. 

You were barely given any time to adjust to the sunlight that was currently flooding the entirety of your bedroom when your mother was suddenly opening your door, the sound of her voice causing you to groan out in pain.

“Y/N, I need you to pick us up some breakfast.” She told you flatly, and you slammed your pillow down over your own head to try and muffle her.

“Why can’t you?” You asked, dragging out the last vowel. You said a silent prayer that someone would strike her down so she would stop talking to you. But also that they would do it in a quiet way as to spare your already sensitive skull.

“Because, I’m busy. Besides, you can pick yourself up some coffee, it’ll help with your hangover.” 

You rolled your eyes. “I am not hungover. It’s just allergies.” You lied, though you weren’t totally sure why you even bothered when you knew that she knew exactly what was wrong with you. “But fine. Give me a few minutes.”

With your surrender, she made a small “hmph” and closed your door, finally leaving you alone. Getting up, going outside, walking around and talking to people was your absolute worst nightmare at the moment, but you knew your mother. If she wanted you to do something, she wouldn’t leave you alone until you did it. She was stubborn, in that way, determined to get exactly what she wanted.

So, despite your body screaming at you to go curl up under your covers and die, you forced yourself off of your bed and pulled on the first clothes you could find--your old Stranger Things t-shirt your cousin had gotten you for your fifteenth birthday, and a pair of sweat shorts. To complete the look, you threw on the singular pair of sunglasses you owned--which were big, red, heart shaped ones. Personally, you thought it was the peak of fashion.

Even under your sunglasses, you were attacked by the outside light when you stepped outside. You half contemplated crawling under the porch to sleep there, since even that would be more bearable than this, but your mother would probably burn you alive if you did that. And as badly as you already wanted to die at the moment,  you would prefer it if it wasn’t by your mother’s hand.

And just when it seemed like your morning couldn’t get any worse, it did.

“Y/N?” Oh no. 

You were stopped in the middle of the sidewalk by the sound of your name. Reluctantly you turned around, filled with dread when you saw none other than Yeonjun standing behind you, observing you with an amused expression. Now you were praying it was you who would be struck down.

Yeonjun, the man you had once been enemies with, who was now extremely attractive. Yeonjun, who you were not supposed to talk to. That Yeonjun was staring at you, a smile tugging on his lips as he looked you up and down to get a good look at your current state.

“Jeez, how much did you drink last night?” He laughed, and last night you probably would have enjoyed the sound of his laughter, but now it made you want to throw up.

“I don’t know. Too much. My memory is all clouded up, you know.” You responded, raising your hand to protect your eyes from the sun like a visor. 

Now that it was daytime, you were finally able to get a good look at him. You already knew he was pretty, after seeing him last night, but you didn’t really get to see how pretty he was. His dark hair was grown out into a mullet, which wasn’t always the best look, but he pulled it off like no other. He was wearing a tank top that let you get a good look at his sun-kissed skin, which was perfectly smooth like he had been airbrushed or something. He looked like how you would have imagined one of the Greek Gods to look like.

And then it hit you. He looked too perfect, especially for a morning after a party. And especially when your friends had basically told you he was the kind of guy to party hard and take a new girl home every weekend. “Why aren’t you dying? I thought you were some kind of party boy now.”

He cocked an eyebrow at that, like he’d never been called that before. “Party boy? Who told you that?”

“Jisu and Chaeryeong.” You shrugged.

He hummed in response, looking a little less amused than before and instead a little bit more annoyed. “You know, you really shouldn’t listen to everything they tell you. Especially when they’re drunk. Chaer likes to lie for fun.” He informed you, though you weren’t all too convinced he was right about that.

You rolled your eyes. “Yeah, yeah, whatever you say.” And with that, you were just going to leave, since you were way too hungover to even be having this conversation in the first place, but then that led you to think of the cause of your hangover, and the panic that you had done something stupid the night before rammed into you full force. “Um… Did I do anything… Embarrassing last night?” 

“If you count convincing yourself you were on fire and running into the water at full speed while screaming at the top of your lungs as embarrassing, then no, you’re good.” A teasing grin appeared on his lips, and you could feel the color drain from your face. 

“Oh. So that’s why I remember being wet.” You realized, mentally slapping your forehead over and over again. “God, I think I have no choice but to steal my mom’s car and leave the country. I think that’s the worst thing I’ve ever heard.” You groaned loudly.

“Hey, hey, relax, it really wasn’t that bad. It was kind of cute, honestly.”

You gave him a deadpanned look. “Don’t lie.” Feeling way too embarrassed by that point, you were ready to go back to picking up your breakfast and trying your best to never be seen again, but you could hear him jogging up behind you as you started to walk away.

“Where are you going, anyway? Can I walk with you?” He asked, slowing to a steady pace once he reached your side.

“Um, I’m supposed to pick up waffles for my mom and I. And coffee. She said that I need a coffee.” You informed him. If your head had been hurting you a little less, you might have noticed how close he was to you, and how your fingertips were barely centimeters away from one another. And the realization would have made you nervous. Good thing you were hungover, then.

“What a coincidence! I’m supposed to get coffee, too.” 

You narrowed your eyes at him, although he wouldn’t be able to see due to your glasses. “You’re getting coffee, too? What about your friends? Shouldn’t you be out with them, or something?”

“Well, ‘Gyu might be in worse condition than you are, and Wooyoung is still asleep, so I thought I’d go get us some coffee before they wake up.” He explained to you, glancing over at you with that same, stupid smile. 

“Aw. You’re so thoughtful.” You cooed at him, to which he playfully rolled his eyes. “Will you get me my coffee, too?”

He shook his head. “Nah, not today. Another day, when you’re not all messed up, I’ll buy you some.”

“Why does it have to be when I’m not messed up?” You queried, faking a dramatic pout.

“Because…” He stopped in front of you, then leaned down so his face was closer to yours--much closer. The proximity made your heart start to hammer against your chest. “It wouldn’t be a very good date if you had a god awful headache the whole time, would it?” He spoke lowly, in a half-teasing, half-sultry tone that made your heart go crazy. 

His fingers reached out to gently brush against your skin, the contact setting your skin ablaze, and you thought he would tuck a strand of loose hair behind your ear like some kind of romcom. But, he instead tapped the edge of your sunglasses. “Cute glasses, by the way. They suit you.” He straightened back up, then started walking as if nothing had happened. 

You stood, completely dumbfounded as you watched him walk along the sidewalk, beaming with pride because you knew that he knew that he’d already started to have an effect on you, only hours after being reunited. You hated the stupid, cocky smirk he wore on his lips, and you hated the playful raise of his eyebrows as he turned back to look at you with those stupid, perfect eyes you also hated.

“Come on, slow poke. Let’s go get some coffee.”

YOU KNEW IT WAS WRONG, you knew Jisu was going to be upset at you, but you couldn’t help it. For the next week, you could not stop thinking about Yeonjun. You couldn’t stop thinking about how it felt when his face got all close to yours, and how all of his features looked up close. His dark, intimidating yet inviting eyes. His plump, very kissable looking lips. You couldn’t stop thinking about the way his fingertips dragged against your cheek, and the electric feeling of his skin against yours. You had spent an embarrassing amount of time imagining what it would feel like if he brushed his skin against other parts of your body.

It had only taken twenty-four hours for Choi Yeonjun to infect you. You thought it couldn’t get much worse--you were wrong.

Your mom suggested a day of lounging at the beach--pulling up a couple of lounge chairs, an umbrella for shade, and a book for each of you to read. It sounded like a perfect day to you, so you agreed. So long as you got to get some ice cream to cool you down while you were out there, because lord knew it was going to get hot.

“Have you been having a good time?” Your mother asked as you played with the corner of the page you were reading, dragging your attention away from the book. You glanced over at her through your sunglasses (not the heart-shaped ones, after your horrible walk of shame, you bought a new pair), closing your book and resting it on your lap.

“Yeah, I have. It’s nice to be back here, to see everyone again.” You smiled at her, and she smiled as well.

“Good. See? I told you this trip would be good for us.” She told you matter-of-factly, pointing her own book at you for emphasis. “There’s just something about a small town like this, and getting away from everything… It’s rejuvenating.” She let out a long sigh, and you rolled your eyes at her dramatics. 

“Well, I guess you could call it that.” You agreed with her. You thought the conversation would end there, and you could go back to reading your book, but she wasn’t ready to stop talking to you yet. 

“So, you’ve been hanging out with Jisu and Chaeryeong a lot? It’s nice to see the three of you together, after all these years.” 

You nodded. “It is nice. I feel bad for not staying in contact, I feel like we missed out on years of potential friendship.” You confessed. Truthfully, you were already enjoying the last week with the two girls more than the last few years with your other friends. Sure, your friends back home were nice, but you had never clicked with them the same way you were clicking with Jisu and Chaeryeong. You hoped that when you left at the end of the summer, you’d be able to keep up with them unlike in the past.

“Aw.” She clicked her tongue, glancing away from you. “That’s great. We really need to go have dinner with the Chois. You know, I saw Jiwoo--You know, Jisu’s mother--at the store a few days ago--” She was cut off by her phone ringing, and you watched as she picked it up and walked away, saying a silent thank you now you would have some peace and quiet.

At least that’s what you were hoping for. But, of course, that was too much to ask for.

A volleyball bounced across the sand in front of you, and unsurprisingly, it was followed by a group of guys chasing after it. And just your luck, one of the guys happened to be none other than Choi Yeonjun. 

You gulped, quickly lifting your book and opening it up in an attempt to hide your face from his view. Since your last run in with him, you had been avoiding him to the best of your ability. Mostly because the more time you spent around him, the more your feelings seemed to grow, and the more guilty you felt. 

The first night Jisu had warned you about him, she had been extremely drunk, so you had considered just ignoring her, since there was a chance she didn’t really mean it. But, a day after you’d gotten coffee with him, you had hung out with her and Chaeryeong, and told them all about what happened. She was completely sober when she warned you a second time, telling you she was just looking out for you, so you decided that meant she was serious, and that you wanted absolutely nothing to do with Choi Yeonjun!

“Sorry!” One of them yelled at you, and you barely lowered your book to see it was the one with the shaggy hair. He made eye contact with you, and suddenly his entire demeanor changed. Instead of cowering down, like he was scared you would yell at him, he straightened up, holding the ball under his arm and you swore you saw him flex his muscles. 

“It’s fine.” You quipped, praying Yeonjun wouldn’t hear you. Thankfully, he looked too busy cursing out his other friend for throwing the ball out of bounds.

The shaggy haired boy ignored his friends, his eyes remaining on you. “The Summer I Turned Pretty? Is that any good?” He asked, and at first you thought he was spewing nonsense, then you realized he was talking about the book glued to the front of your face. 

If you weren’t so worried about his stupid friend noticing you, you might have actually tried to have a conversation with him. He was good looking, and seemed friendly, but you were trying to get them to go away as soon as they could, so you just gave a short nod, hoping he would take the hint and go away.

“Sorry again.” He apologized, flashing you a pearly white grin, and he started to walk away. You let out a soft sigh of relief. You had officially avoided conversation with Yeonjun, and could return to actually reading.

“Oh, hey, Y/N!”

Never mind.

You finally put your book down, since your cover had obviously been blown already. Yeonjun had spotted you, and was flashing you that same, stupid, confident grin you hated (read: loved). You reluctantly raised your hand to wave at him, giving him the best smile you could muster up. “Hi, Yeonjun.” You replied.

“Oh, Y/N! You’re the girl who thought she was on fire! I knew you looked familiar!” The shaggy hair boy announced, your cheeks becoming set ablaze at the realization that was what you were known for now.

“Yes, that was me.” You managed to get out through a pained smile. 

“Dude, that was hilarious! I’ve never seen someone more scared for their life over nothing!” Yeonjun’s other friend began to laugh, and you frowned as the other two joined in. Not in the mood for their mockery, you looked down to the pages of your book, trying your hardest to drown out their hyena-like laughter.

Yeonjun noticed your annoyance, and quickly stopped laughing, clearing his throat. “Hey, she’s also one of the greatest sand castle builders in the whole country.” He pointed out to his friends. The compliment that called all the way back to your childhood caused your cheeks to heat up again, but this time it was more out of flattery than embarrassment.

“It’s true. Better than him.” You informed his friends, gesturing towards him with your head. 

The shaggy haired one shrugged. “Yeah, I believe it. I’m Beomgyu, by the way.” He approached you, holding out his hand to shake, which you gladly did. 

“I’m Wooyoung!” The other friend interrupted, pushing Beomgyu out of the way to have his turn shaking your hand. 

Yeonjun was watching his friends smothering you, his eyes narrowed and arms crossed. “Okay, okay, she doesn’t want to know you guys, she doesn’t care.” He told them, rolling his eyes when Beomgyu shook your hand again. “Have you been sick or something? It’s been a week since I saw you.” He changed the subject, much to your dismay.

“No…” You responded.

“Weird. I guess we’ve just been missing each other all week.” He shrugged. 

“She’s probably been avoiding you because she can tell you’re a fucking loser.” Wooyoung said matter-of-factly, and Beomgyu laughed in agreement. 

Yeonjun rolled his eyes at their immature comments, but chose to ignore them. “I think I still owe you some coffee, you know.” He told you, and bumped the edge of your chair with his food. “Maybe you should give me your number. Then I won’t have to worry about trying to track you down.” 

Your eyes widened, and Beomgyu started to cough loudly. You weren’t sure how you were supposed to get out of this one. You could try to lie and say you lost your phone, or give him a fake number, but as soon as he realized it was wrong, he would probably get mad. Maybe he would get so angry he would decide “if I can’t have her, no one can!” and murder you in your sleep. That was probably not going to happen, but you could never be sure these days! Right?

You were frozen in your beach chair, and the longer it took for you to form some kind of a response, the more awkward things were becoming. You began to regret every little decision that had led you to this moment--from you deciding to join your mother for a day at the beach all the way back to letting Yeonjun build that stupid sand castle with you in the first place. 

And then, like some kind of miracle sent down from God herself, you were saved. Although, you weren’t sure if you could call it saving, since you had a feeling it was only going to make the entire interaction so much worse. 

Appearing out of seemingly nowhere, Jisu and Chaeryeong stood beside your chair, arms folded and eyes narrowed at the boys.

“Oh, hey, Jisu.” Beomgyu was first to break the painfully long silence, and the sound of someone speaking again after so long caught you so off guard you nearly jumped. “And Chaer.”

 “Hi.” Jisu greeted, then risked a glance down at you. “What’re you guys up to? I thought you were playing volleyball or something?”

“We were, but then Beomgyu almost hit her with the ball.” Wooyoung explained, gesturing over towards you. Beomgyu rolled his eyes, but made no effort to dispute Wooyoung’s words.

“I thought you were here with your mom?” Jisu asked, recalling your text messages from earlier in the morning.

“Yeah, I was. Am. She just got up to take a call.” You explained, feeling a bit like a little kid getting caught red handed, even though you really hadn’t done anything wrong. “Then Yeonjun and his friends decided to come say hi.”

Jisu nodded slowly. 

“Yeah, we were keeping her company while she was alone. Anything can happen to a pretty girl sitting out on the beach alone.” Yeonjun said, and you hated the way your cheeks heated up because of his stupid words.

“Hey!” Jisu was quick to scold. “Stop flirting with my friends, weirdo!” She snapped, jabbing her finger in his face. 

He held his hands up in defense, taking a step back to avoid his eyes being poked out by her fingertips. “I wasn’t flirting with her! I was just being honest! She’s a pretty girl!” He attempted to defend himself, but that just seemed to bother Jisu even more.

“Stop it!” She told him again, and Wooyoung began to giggle.

“You look like an angry little chihuahua. So cute.” He teased her, and you thought she might have really smacked him across his amused face if it wasn’t for Chaeryeong putting her hands on her shoulders in an attempt to relax her. 

You felt like maybe it was time you stepped in, and stood up, joining Chaeryeong in trying to calm down your friend. “It’s fine, Ji. They’re just stupid boys, ignore them.” You told her, then shot Yeonjun a glare. He tilted his head at you, like he couldn’t figure out why you might be annoyed at him. 

Stupid boys indeed.

“Ouch!” Beomgyu gasped at your words, feigning hurt and clinging onto his chest. “Your words hurt Y/N, they really do.” 

“Go back to your stupid volleyball and leave us alone.” Jisu groaned, wrapping her hand under your arm to cling onto you. “You guys are so annoying!”

Yeonjun rolled his eyes. “Fine. Can I at least get that phone number before I leave?” Yeonjun asked, a grin creeping onto his perfect lips.

“No!” Chaeryeong and Jisu shot back in unison, making a swatting motion with their hands to tell them to get away. Finally, Wooyoung and Beomgyu began to slowly back away--Beomgyu was still acting like he was bleeding out of his chest or something. Yeonjun lingered, though, letting out a deep exhale.

“What was it that Romeo said? Parting is such sweet sorry’s, or whatever?” He sighed, and placed a hand over his heart. “I’m gonna get that phone number, though. I swear, just wait and see!” And with that, he gave you a wink, then rushed away after his friends before Jisu got the chance to curse him out again. 

You stood quietly for a minute, mulling over his words. You felt like there was a not-so-thinly veiled threat hiding in his words. With an uneasy sigh, you glanced over at Jisu, who had her eyebrows furrowed closely, and her lips pressed together into a frown, like she was thinking about his words as well. Chaeryeong’s gaze flickered between the two of you, as she was obviously awaiting some sort of acknowledgment of what happened.

But the acknowledgement never came. Maybe Jisu had finally given up on trying to keep you away from Yeonjun, because she didn’t say anything about it. Instead, she gave you a quick hug, promising that she would see you later, before taking Chaeryeong and disappearing back to whatever they had done before. 

You wished she had been more insistent. You wished you had listened to her from the beginning.

FOR WHAT WAS SUPPOSED TO BE A RELAXING Summer getaway for you and your mother, you sure were having a difficult time destressing. You’d been trying to sleep for at least the last hour, tossing and turning under your sheets. The millions of thoughts running rampant in your mind were what were preventing you from getting any sleep, and no matter how hard you tried, you weren’t able to put any of them to rest. The longer you laid there, feeling absolutely exhausted but unable to shut your mind down long enough to sleep, the worse your annoyance became.

At some point, you’d finally had enough. With a frustrated groan, you threw your bedsheets off of you, and swung your legs over the side of the bed. You sat for a minute, rubbing your eyes in an attempt to get them to accept you weren’t going to sleep, then finally pushed yourself to stand up. You wandered over to the large window at the edge of the bedroom, and slid it open enough you could feel the cool ocean breeze against your face. 

Finally, you were beginning to feel that relaxation you’d been longing for. With the air against your skin, and the sound of the waves rolling against the beach out in the distance, you felt your thoughts begin to dissipate. You weren’t thinking about your dad, or Jisu, or your senior year waiting for you back home, or Yeonjun, in fact you weren’t thinking about anything at all. Except, maybe, about how much you wished your bed was closer to the window.

Whack!

You were completely startled when you felt something tiny collide with your cheek, and you let out a quiet curse. Once again, you found yourself annoyed that these windows didn’t have any screens on them to protect you. Cautiously, you poked your head out the window in hopes of finding the source of whatever had hit you.

You apparently weren’t cautious enough, though, as another tiny object hit your face once again. “Ow, what the fuck!” You shouted, reaching up to rub your forehead, and then you spotted it--the source.

Standing on the lawn outside your house, with a handful of what you assumed to be pebbles, was none other than Choi Yeonjun, whose grin quickly turned into a grimace when he noticed you finally see him. 

“Shit, did I hit you? I didn’t mean to!” He called up to you in a whisper shout. 

You stared down at him, and you swore you could feel your eye twitch as your annoyance doubled. “What the hell are you doing here?” You whisper-shouted back to him, leaning forward so your upper body was now completely hanging out the window.

“You wouldn’t give me your number!” He abandoned the whisper-shout, so now it was just a shout. You quickly shushed him, glancing back at your door and half expecting to see your mother there demanding to know who was yelling outside. Thankfully, she wasn’t. “Just come down here so we can talk!” He attempted to be quiet this time, beckoning for you to go meet him.

You rolled your eyes. Of course, he just had to show up right when you were about to get some much needed sleep. If you were a smart girl, you would have just shooed him away and went back to sleep, but you weren’t. There was something about Choi Yeonjun that made you desperate to hear what he had to say. 

So,  you let out a defeated huff. Without responding, you leaned back into your room, and picked out what was supposed to be a swimsuit cover to put on over your pajamas. Once you’d tiptoed through the house, careful not to wake your mother, you carefully opened the back door to see Yeonjun still standing in the bushes, calling up to your window like you might still be inside. You laughed softly at the sight, closing the door behind you.

When you stepped into the moonlight, he finally spotted you. “Oh! I didn’t know where you went. I thought you got sick of me and went back to sleep.” 

“Mm, I thought about it.” You hummed, folding your arms across your chest in an attempt to keep your coverup from blowing open from the soft ocean breeze. You watched as his eyes drifted down to your outfit, and he lifted an eyebrow.

“Cute pajamas.” He said.

Your face warmed. “Shut up.” 

He grinned.

“So, what are you doing here?” You asked, tilting your head at him as you got closer. 

“I told you. You didn’t give me your number earlier.” He replied, and you fought the urge to roll your eyes.

“So, you thought you would just show up here in the middle of the night, and I’d just give it to you?” 

“Duh. That was how Edward seduced Bella in Twilight.” 

“I really don’t think it was.” You laughed. “Also, Edward was a hot vampire who sparkled under the sunlight. You’re not quite on his level.”

He furrowed his eyebrows. “Ouch? You’re mean, Y/N, really mean.”

“Just to you.” You teased him, surprised at your own flirtiness. 

“How can I convince you to give me your number?” He whined. It was funny, a lot about him had changed in the last ten years, but at the same time, he was exactly the same. Annoying, whiny, but also cute. 

You eyed him carefully, taking note of how his features seemed to glow under the luminescence of the moon. He may not have been sparkly like Edward Cullen, but you thought he might be more beautiful than the vampire. “Prove it to me.” You said to him.

“Prove what?” 

“Prove to me that you’re not just some player, messing with me until you get bored and move onto the next girl.” The words tumbled out of your mouth, words you weren’t sure you were normally brave enough to say. But you did say them, and now your heart was racing, and you hoped you hadn’t said something wrong.

Yeonjun stared back at you, like a deer caught in headlights. “Is that what Jisu told you?” He asked, his voice coming out a bit quiet. 

You nodded, tightening the grip your arms held around your stomach. “She and Chaeryeong warned me, basically called you a whore…” Your voice trailed off, the last word basically a whisper. 

He said nothing for a minute, just continuing to stare back at you like you’d just dropped a huge bomb on him, then burst into laughter. “You date a few girls and suddenly you’re a whore… Sounds about right.” 

Now it was your turn to stare back at him, eyebrows furrowed as you waited for some kind of explanation. Finally, his eyes met your own confused ones, and his laughter dwindled. 

“Sorry. Look, I don’t know what Jisu told you, but it’s not true. I’m not some—some fuckboy that jumps from girl to girl.” He laughs nervously and runs a hand through his dark hair. 

“Then it shouldn’t be hard to prove it to me.” You replied, and once again, the air went quiet. 

Maybe you had been too bold. Maybe he really was just some player, looking to get a quick fix and move on, and you’d completely turned him off. It wouldn’t be the worst thing, if you had, since it would save you the hurt. On the other hand, the idea that he had set his sights on you when he first saw you at the bonfire just to hook up with you and drop you stung more than you liked to admit. 

The soft breeze that rolled in with the sea tousled its way through his hair, a few stray strands falling in front of the dark eyes that bored into your own. You thought he was just going to stand there forever, and never utter a single word to you, but then, to your surprise, there was movement. 

Before you had the chance to react, he was towering over you, and his fingers had hooked themselves under your chin to force you to look up at him. The moonlight reflecting off the back of his head caused him to look like he was glowing. 

“Y/N.” The drop in his tone sent goosebumps down your back. 

“Yeah?” You answered in the loudest voice you could conjure, which was barely a squeak. 

His eyes flickered between your own, like he was searching for something inside of them. “You’re not just some… Game to me. I want to get to know you. I want to take you on dates…” He leaned forward, so close you could feel his breath fan against the shell of your ear. “I want to kiss you.”

A shaky breath fell from your lips, and you were sure he could hear it. You wanted to kiss him, too. So badly that you wanted to cup the back of his neck and crash your mouth onto his right then and there. You upheld some restraint, though, keeping your arms pinned to your side. 

He pulled away from you, a sly smirk appearing on his lips that were very kissable, by the way. “Not now, though. If you give me your number, we’ll plan a date, and you can let me prove it to you, okay?”

It was like you were under some kind of spell, and the man glowing under the moonlight in front of you was some sort of sorcerer. You nodded dumbly. 

You caved in. You gave him your number. Then, he kissed your cheek, and bid you goodnight. Still in a daze, you watched as he disappeared into the night, leaving you alone in the sand with only the soft sounds of the waves rolling against the beach to keep you company. 

That was your first mistake. 

YEONJUN WASTED NO TIME IN texting you the following morning. You were just finishing eating some waffles with your mom when you heard your phone buzz against the table, and picked it up to see a text message from an unknown number. 

hey ;-)

It didn’t take a genius to know who that text had come from. 

When you saw the message, a giddy feeling overcame you, and before you knew it, you were releasing the most heinous giggle you had ever let out in your life. Your mom had given you an incredulous look when the noise slipped through your lips, and you gave her a quick shrug as an apology. 

You snuck off to your bedroom, collapsing onto the mattress stomach first. You looked like a girl straight out of some Disney Channel romcom, legs kicked up in the air behind you and your lip tucked between your teeth as you tried to bite back an embarrassingly wide smile. 

After Yeonjun left, you had barely gotten any sleep. All you could do was replay that moment over and over again, the way his warm breath felt against your skin, the low vibration of his voice so close to your ear, as he told you he wanted to kiss you… It sent shivers down your spine every time you thought about it, without fail. So, it was safe to say you had been anticipating his text message for hours.

You finally typed up a response, hitting the send button then anxiously staring back at your screen as you awaited a response. Like most phones due, the screen dimmed after about ten seconds of nothing happening, and you let out a defeated huff. Right as you were going to give up, and let it turn itself off, the screen brightened again, as a thought bubble appeared at the bottom of the screen.

wanna grab lunch today? a little birdy told me ur a big fan of jakes

You were no longer able to bite back the smile. The grin spread across your lips as you texted back a yes.

There was no point in driving from the house you stayed in over to Jake’s, since it was only about a ten minute walk, so you assumed you would just be meeting Yeonjun there. About fifteen minutes before you’re supposed to meet, though, you walk out the front door and are surprised to see the man of the hour standing on your porch, back leaning against one of the columns and phone in his hands that kept him from noticing your presence right away. 

He was wearing the most casual clothes you could imagine—a soft blue button up shirt and some shorts, but he still looked like he walked off the set of some modeling shoot. He still hadn’t noticed you, yet, typing away on his phone. Or maybe he had, and was teasing you. 

You cleared your throat, which was apparently enough to grab his attention as his head snapped up. “Oh, hey. I was just about to text you.” He grinned at you, and you tried to ignore the way his voice made your stomach churn. 

“What are you doing here? I thought we were going to meet there?” You asked bluntly. 

“I told you I would walk you there, didn’t I?” He tilted his head at you, and you shook your head. “Oh. Oops. Well, I’m walking you there.” He smiled, and pushed himself off of the column. 

You shook your head. “You didn’t have to do that.” You told him, as you started to descend the porch stairs. 

“I know. That’s what makes it so charming, isn’t it?” He hummed, following behind you. “You look nice, by the way. I like your dress.” 

The compliment slipped from him so casually, your face immediately felt hot. Your gaze drifted down to the little sun dress you had spent so long picking out, and now you were glad you had. “Thanks. You look nice, too.” You muttered. 

“What did you say?” He used his long legs to advantage, catching right up next to you so he could lean down close. He wasn’t nearly as close to you as he had been the night before, but it still flustered you, nonetheless.

“I said, your shoes are goofy.” You responded, pointing down to the Crocs he was wearing. 

He gasped. “You don’t rock with the crocs?” 

“Ew. If you say that ever again, I’m going to go home and block your number.” You laughed, your nose scrunched up in disgust. 

“You wouldn’t do that. You and I both know you can’t resist my charm.” He spoke confidently, basically puffing out his chest. 

You rolled your eyes at him, but you couldn’t help a small giggle. 

The two of you kept up the casual conversation on your venture to the diner, and you were surprised by how easy it was to talk to him. Even though you felt beyond nervous, the words fell smoothly from your lips, and by the time the two of you were situated in a booth inside Jake’s, you could feel the nerves melting away. 

It didn’t take long for them to resurface, though. Once your food was ordered, you were sitting directly across from him, and it was becoming harder and harder to avoid his intense gaze. Yeonjun was much more confident than you, his eyes locked onto yours, while your own eyes darted around to avoid him. 

The waiter brought over your drinks, and you noticed as he lowered onto the table that his nametag read Jake.

“Jake? Did you start working here because your name is Jake, or is your name Jake because you work here?” You asked him.

He smiled at you, and you thought he had a nice smile. “It’s funny, actually. My parents opened the place up before I was born, and called it Jake’s. Then, I was born, and they thought, ‘you know what would be a good name for our son? The name of our restaurant.’ Awful, right?” He asked you, and you giggled. 

“A really, really sad story.” Yeonjun pretended to pout, then his expression morphed into a nasty glare. Jake looked uneasy, giving you a small nod before returning to the kitchen. You frowned as you looked back at Yeonjun. 

“What the hell was that?” 

“He was totally flirting with you.” Yeonjun grumbled, tucking his straw between his lips.

“He was not. He was just being nice.” You rolled your eyes, and Yeonjun quirked his eyebrows up in response, like he was saying whatever, but he didn’t say anything else about the subject.

He cleared his throat. “So, you’re in college, right?” 

You nod. 

“You’ve gotta be graduating soon, I’m guessing? What’s your major?” He asked you, leaning back in his seat comfortably. 

“Environmental science.” You replied with a shrug. “What about you? Are you in school?” 

He winced at the question. “Nah. I tried it, after I graduated high school, but it just… It wasn’t for me.” He said, rubbing his arm. 

“I get that. It sucks, I honestly don’t know how I made it this far.” You laughed. “If you’re not in school, then what have you been up to?”

His cheeks started to redden. “Uh, I work at a phone store…” 

You could tell he was hiding something else. “That’s it?” You tried to encourage him to keep going. 

“No… Promise you won’t laugh…” 

“I promise.” You leaned forward, becoming intrigued. 

He pulled his lips into a tight line, before letting out a deep breath. “Okay, I post dance covers online. I’m trying to get scouted.” He confessed, and for the first time since you’d come on this trip, it looked like he was the nervous one. 

Before you could stop yourself, you let out a laugh. 

“You just said you wouldn’t laugh!” He shouted at you accusingly, and you quickly shook your head. 

“No, no, I’m not laughing at the dance! I just thought it was funny that you were acting all shy about it!” You jumped to exclaim, your hands instinctively darting out to hold his wrists. “I think it’s really cool!” 

He eyed you suspiciously, before his gaze lowered to your hands. You pulled them away, afraid you were making him uncomfortable, but he grabbed ahold of one of them before it got too far.

You flushed. “So, you dance? How long have you been doing that?” You grabbed your drink to take a big gulp, suddenly feeling very hot.

He hummed in thought, his cool demeanor quickly making a reappearance. “I think I started when I was 12? I’m not sure. I’ve been doing it so long, it’s hard to keep track.” He told you, dark eyes trained on your hands. “In college--the one year I was there--I was a part of the school’s dance team. But, something happened, and I decided it wasn’t for me.” 

“What happened?”

“You don’t want to hear about all of that. Trust me, it’ll bore you.” He gave you a reassuring smile, and you didn’t want to push him to talk about it, instead just giving him a short nod. “So, graduating next year, huh? Is that why you decided to come visit for the Summer?” 

Not exactly, you thought to yourself, but you weren’t exactly ready to drop all the gritty details about the last few months of your life, and your parents’ messy divorce onto him. Instead, you settled on a “yep”, and took another sip of your drink. 

That was how most of the rest of your lunch went. Discussing the little details of your lives with one another, but purposefully leaving out the stuff he didn’t really need to know about. When Jake came back to give you your food, Yeonjun once again glared at him as though he could ignite him with his eyes if he tried hard enough, even though he hadn’t done anything wrong that you could think of. You wondered if they knew each other and had some past drama with one another, or maybe he was just incredibly jealous.

Throughout the date, you hadn’t been able to decide why Jisu had been so adamant about warning you to stay away from Yeonjun. Sure, maybe at first you got a bit of those vibes from him, but it didn’t take much conversation to prove he was more than all of that. He was genuinely sweet, and you could feel he really cared about you. You challenged him to prove himself to you, and he was already winning the challenge. 

He walked you back to your house, his hand brushing dangerously close against yours the whole way. You wished he would just grab it and hold onto it the way he did back at the restaurant. He didn’t, though. Instead he kept teasing you, bumping his fingers a giant your own, and acting as though he was oblivious to the contact. 

“Thank you for lunch.” You told him once the two of you had made it back to your porch, where you knew your mother was spectating from one of the windows. 

“Thanks for coming with me.” He smiled down at you, and of course, his charming smile made your stomach flutter. 

The two of you stood awkwardly, neither quite sure what to say, but what you were sure of was neither of you were ready to say goodbye yet. 

“So? Have I proved myself to you yet?” He asked. 

You hummed in response, knowing your answer was without a doubt yes, but you weren’t ready to tell him that. “I’m not sure. I think it’s going to take a few more burgers. Maybe a milkshake…” 

He laughed. “Oh really?” He raised an eyebrow, and you nodded. “Okay. I’ll buy you as many burgers as my phone store salary can afford.” 

“And a milkshake?”

“And a milkshake.” He suddenly reached out and tapped his finger against your nose, startling you to the point you jumped at the touch. He giggled at your reaction. 

The familiar tune of an Ariana Grande song started playing, and you watched with furrowed brows as he dug his phone out of his pocket. He glanced at you with a knowing look before answering the call.

You watched as he talked on the phone, presumably to Beomgyu or Wooyoung, once again finding yourself admiring his beauty. You could look at Yeonjun a million times, and never get over how gorgeous he was. In your twenty-one years on Earth, you’d never wanted to kiss someone so bad. A part of you thought maybe he would do it now, on your doorstep, but you also knew it wasn’t time. Besides, you didn’t want to share your first kiss with him in broad daylight where your mother was watching. 

“You’re such an idiot, Beomgyu… Alright, alright! I’m on my way!” He hung up the phone, a frustrated groan escaping from his mouth. “I’m sorry, Y/N, my friends are idiots who apparently don’t know how to make ramen in the microwave.” He rolled his eyes. 

“It’s okay. I’ve had stupid friends, too, I understand.” You smiled at him, reaching out to pat his arm comfortingly. 

Just like the night before, he bent down to kiss your cheek, and just like the night before, you were desperate for more. “Okay. I’ll text you later, alright?”

“Yeah. Later.”

YEONJUN DID NOT TEXT YOU BACK LATER. When your mother dragged you out to the beach again, you kept your phone close to you, nearly falling out of your beach chair every time it buzzed. But, never did one of the buzzes belong to the person you were most waiting for. 

When you and your mother visited a local barbecue restaurant for dinner, you turned your phone off completely, hoping that pretending to be uninterested would make the text come faster. About halfway through eating, though, you excused yourself to the bathroom and powered your phone back up, waiting for the text to come through. 

It didn’t. 

When you couldn’t sleep, once again, you crept over to your window and half hoped he would be down there, and throw a pebble at you again. At first, you thought you saw him standing in the beach grass, but it was just an old fence post. No matter how hard you tried to will it, he wasn’t coming, and he wasn’t going to text you. 

You’d given up all hope by the time you woke up, and there was no message. Honestly, you were prepared to sit around all day and feel dejected, but thank god for Choi Jisu and Lee Chaeryeong. Apparently, there was going to be a big party that night, and they wanted the three of you to go together. And, lucky for you, a party was the perfect way to get Choi Yeonjun out of your head. 

“So, you got lunch with Yeonjun yesterday?” Jisu asked you, the question causing you to flinch and nearly stab your own ear with your earring. You were all currently in Jisu’s room, getting ready for the big party. 

“How did you know about that?” You slowly glanced over at her, slipping the earring through your piercing. 

Jisu shrugged. “It’s a small town, Y/N. Word travels fast.” She paused, looking over at Chaeryeong. “Plus, Chaer’s boyfriend works at Jake's.”

“He’s not my boyfriend!” Chaeryeong immediately exploded, and Jisu rolled her eyes. 

“Yeah, sure he’s not. But, he said he saw Yeonjun come in with a girl, but he didn’t know her name, so we put two and two together.” Jisu explained. 

“Oh. Well, yeah, I did… Are you mad?” You meekly asked, shifting your gaze towards her to gauge her reaction. 

Jisu froze for a moment, a finger pressed against her lips as though she was deep in thought. “Hmm… No. I’m not mad.” She decided after a minute. “If you really, fully believe that he’s not playing you, then I’m happy for you. He’s a good guy, just really, really, really deep down.” 

Chaeryeong giggled, and you frowned. “Thank you, Jisu. Really. Although, you might be right…”

“What?! What happened? I’ll kill him!” Jisu exclaimed, flipping around to face you. 

“Nothing! It’s just… He told me he was going to text me yesterday, after our lunch, and he never did.” You averted her gaze, realizing how stupid it all sounded the minute the words left your mouth. The two of you had barely been apart for 24 hours, it was normal for him not to text you, right? You probably sounded insane and boy-crazy.

Your friends didn’t think so, though. 

“What?! He’s such an ass! The least you can do after harassing a girl for her number is text her!” Chaeryeong’s outburst instantly made you feel much better about your insecurities.

“What a loser. See, Y/N, I told you!” Jisu pointed at you scoldingly as she made her way over to her vanity. 

“But that doesn’t mean he’s a player, right? We haven’t even kissed. If he was just messing with me, he would have at least tried to have gotten something before he ghosted me, right?” You started rambling, the fear that you really had been played overcoming you.

Chaeryeong shrugged. “Maybe he’s a different kind of whore. Maybe he just wants emotional attention, not physical stuff.” She suggested, which made you feel even worse.

Jisu must have noticed you starting to freak out, as she let out a sigh and returned to be by your side. “Hey. He’s probably just an idiot who forgot. That doesn’t make him a fuckboy, it just makes him stupid. But if he is purposefully ghosting you, then he’s even more of an idiot, and you should just forget about him.” She rubbed your shoulder, and gave you a soft smile through the mirror you stood in front of. 

“Either way, he’s stupid.” Chaeryeong pointed out, and the three of you started nodding in affirmation. 

With all of that in mind, the three of you finished getting ready, and headed over to the party. You weren’t sure if Yeonjun was going to be there, but you hoped he was. Jisu and Chaeryeong had helped you pick out the perfect floral top, and a cute little skirt to go with it. You could confidently say that you looked good. A smaller part of you hoped he wasn’t there, though, because you deserved at least one night to yourself without thinking of him. 

The party, you discovered, was being hosted by none other than Jake, the waiter you had met the day before. Apparently, his parents always took a trip for one week in the Summer, and on the Saturday of that week, he always threw a huge party. It had become a tradition. And, more importantly, the Sim family owned a huge house right on the beach, which made it the perfect spot to party. 

“Wow. So, Jake’s family is rich.” You breathed out once you all made it to the destination. You thought they had been over exaggerating about the estate, but they were rather under exaggerating. 

“Yep. Aside from the diner, Jake’s dad owns tons of real estate in the area. The burger shop is more of a hobby for him.” Chaeryeong explained to you, looking over with a big smile. 

You nodded in understanding, shifting your gaze back over to take in the size of the house once again. 

“Chaeryeong!” The three of you craned your necks in unison to see a guy you recognized from the diner approaching your little group. “I’m glad you made it. Save me a dance?” He grinned down at her, and though it was dark outside, you swore you could see your friend start to blush.

It was cute, you hadn’t really seen her get so shy before. You assumed he must have been her “boyfriend” from the diner Jisu was talking about. “In your dreams, Seungmin.” She replied, her hand coming up to push against his shoulder. 

Seungmin laughed, then looked over to you and Jisu. “Hey, Ji. And hey…?”

“Y/N.” You filled in, giving him a polite smile. 

“Ahh, so you’re Y/N. Chaeryeong was telling me about you.” He said with a nod, and you shot Chaeryeong a questioning glance. 

“Good things, I swear.” She was quick to reassure you, then shot Seungmin a glare.

“Yep! Good things only! Like how you were so drunk you thought you had caught on fire.”

“Chaer!” You scolded your friend as Jisu and Seungmin started to laugh together. She shrugged in response, giving you a weak smile. 

“I’m sorry, Y/N! It was just a funny story, you have to admit!” She giggled, and you rolled your eyes. “Come on, I know what will cheer you up!” 

You huffed, slumping your shoulders dramatically as you followed her, Jisu and Seungmin inside. You were surprised by how many people had turned up to the party, you didn’t even know that many people lived in the little beach town. Though, you supposed some of them might have been vacationing there, the same as you. 

Your friends led you back to the drinks—aka the back porch, where a keg had been set up as well as a table filled with all sorts of stuff. You were nearly kicked in the face as a girl swung her legs into the air to do a handstand on the keg, and a small group of people started to cheer loudly for her. You wove your way in and out of the small crowd, and over towards the table to get a drink. 

“Here. Let me make you all the Jisulada.” Jisu announced, grabbing four plastic cups and placing them in a line in front of her. You watched as she began to combine random ingredients into the cups, and you could feel your stomach churn at the sight. 

“There’s no real recipe. She just adds random shit every time.” Seungmin leaned down to inform you, and you laughed as you watched her pump random bottles of syrup. 

“And yet, somehow it’s always delicious.” Chaeryeong watched Jisu with furrowed eyebrows, complexed as to how all the ingredients could turn out good. 

Jisu handed you each a cup. “Cheers!” 

You all bumped your plastic cups against each other, then took a sip. Chaeryeong was right, the drink was actually pretty good. It was too bad Jisu made it up on the spot, and probably wouldn’t be able to teach it to you. 

Once you had your drinks, Seungmin and Chaeryeong split off to go talk alone, leaving just you and Jisu. You two wandered back into the house, finding an empty patch of wall to lean against that was just far enough from the speaker you could hear each other talk.

Just as you were finishing the last sip of your drink, you finally saw him. He was just wearing a dark blue button up shirt and a pair of shorts, but just like everything else he wore, he managed to make it look like high fashion. He was with Beomgyu and Wooyoung, as expected, arriving fashionably late. And it was a good thing he did, since he managed to capture the attention of everyone at the party. 

You watched him with hopeful eyes as he walked through the room, waiting for him to look in your direction and come talk to you, but he never did. Next thing you knew, he was gone just as quickly as he arrived. You swore you could feel your eye twitch. 

“Y/N…” Jisu started, as though she could read your mind. 

“It’s fine.” You waved her off, tilting your cup as much as you could to get every last drop of the drink. “Can you make me another Jisucolada?”

“Jisulada.” She corrected. 

“Yeah, one of those.” You grumbled, and Jisu frowned. 

“How about we go do some dancing instead?” She suggested, pulling your hands into her own. “We’re here to have fun, right? Not to think about my stupid cousin.” 

You sighed. “I guess you’re right. And, they’re playing a really good song right now.” 

Jisu grinned, and started shaking your hands. “That’s the spirit! Come on, let’s dance!” Before you got the chance to change your mind, she dragged you out into the sea of people, and gave you no choice but to dance with her. 

As you jumped around to the beat of the music, you could feel the effects of her Jisulada starting to kick in. Your head was starting to feel fuzzy, and you were fighting the urge to giggle at every little thing going on around you. When you thought about Yeonjun, you wanted to giggle. When you thought about Chaeryeong and Seungmin and felt the need to giggle. When you thought of your mom, all alone at the house with a book and a bottle of wine to keep her company, since your stupid dad had to abandon you guys, you couldn’t fight it anymore and started to giggle. 

You weren’t sure what Jisu had thrown into the drink, but it was working wonders for you. 

A finger touched your shoulder and you spun around, prepared to punch someone in the face. You relaxed, though, when you were met with the familiar smile of Jake the waiter. 

“Oh my god, Jake! You gave me a heart attack!” You exclaimed, and once again started to laugh. 

“Sorry. Y/N, right?” He managed to ask over the loud music, and you nodded. “I didn’t know you were friends with Jisu.” 

“Yep! BFFs from childhood.” You told him, slowing down your jumping so you could properly talk to him. Jisu, however, kept dancing, seeming to completely ignore the conversation. 

Jake nodded in understanding. “You used to live here?” 

“No. My family used to come every summer.” You responded. “And then we stopped, because… Actually, I don’t know why we stopped. But my mom and I decided to come back.” You giggled again, and watched as he chuckled down at you. 

“Cool, cool. So you’re here all summer?” 

“‘Til August 27th!” You sang. 

“Well, from now on, if you come into the diner while I’m working, I’ll start giving you a discount.” 

You gasped. “Really? You’d do that?” You looked at him with wide eyes, and he nodded. “Good, because I love those burgers. Damn, now that I think about it, I could really go for a burger right now.” You realized, your hand falling to your stomach as your mind wandered off to the thought of stuffing a burger in your mouth. 

“Hey, tell you what, you stick around another hour, we can ditch this party early and go get one.” He nudged you, and you thought you were going to explode from excitement. 

“Oh my gosh, that would be so awesome. A post-party burger sounds amazing.” 

“Hi, Y/N.” A familiar voice greeted you from behind, and you felt the color drain from your face. You slowly turned to see the man you both most wanted to see and least wanted to see standing behind you, and he didn’t look too happy. You didn’t feel much like giggling anymore. 

Jake let out a nervous laugh. “Uh, I’ll talk to you later, Y/N.”

“No you won’t.” Yeonjun rolled his eyes, and Jake gave him one last glare before slipping into the crowd. You glanced to your side, hoping to find Jisu still dancing beside you, but she had disappeared as well, leaving you alone with Yeonjun. 

He wasted no time in grabbing ahold of your wrist, and dragging you out of the crowd of dancing people. “What the fuck are you doing?!” You shouted over the music, and although you were pissed he just forced you to leave, you weren’t exactly fighting him. He didn’t respond, though, just kept walking with his eyes narrowed and hand held tightly around your wrist. 

Once he got you outside, though, he led you down to the side of the house, and finally decided to talk. He dropped your arm, turning to face you with a burning expression. “What are you doing here, Y/N?” 

“Um, partying? The same as everyone else.” 

“No, I mean here. At fucking Jake’s party.” He spat. 

Your expression turned cold. “What? Am I not supposed to be? You’re also here, aren’t you?” You snapped at him. He pressed his lips together tightly. “You don’t get to fucking ignore me for a whole day then act like a big, jealous baby, Yeonjun.” 

“I wasn’t ignoring you.” He groaned in frustration, reaching up to run a hand through his silky hair. “It’s complicated, Y/N, you don’t get it.”

“Then make it uncomplicated!” You shouted into his face. “You told me you were serious about wanting to get to know me, and you weren’t just playing with me, but it sure as hell doesn’t feel that way.” 

He rolled his eyes at you, and you couldn’t help but scoff. “You’re the one flirting with another guy out in the open for everyone to see.” He pointed out, his finger following suit. 

“Oh my god, I was not flirting with him!” You explained in exasperation, leaning back against the side of the house. You couldn’t believe how ridiculous he was acting, but you were pretty sure the smell of alcohol wafting off of him had something to do with it. “Besides, even if I was, it doesn’t matter. Because we are not dating. We went on one date, and you didn’t text me back when you said you would, and you didn’t even kiss me--”

“Is that what you want? You want me to kiss you?” He raised both of his eyebrows at you, as if you were asking for something so stupid. 

“Yes!” You didn’t mean to sound so desperate, like you were begging for it, but you couldn’t help it. For days, all you had been able to think about was what it would feel like to have his lips on your own, to run your fingers through those locks of his, and to have your body pressed flush against his own. So, yeah, no matter how badly you wanted to hide it, you couldn’t deny just how desperate you were. 

He froze for a moment, then stalked over towards you. Your heart started to hammer against your chest in anticipation when one of his hands slid past your face to prop him up against the wall, caging you beneath him. The other cupped your cheek, and he leaned down so close that your noses bumped against each other. “Tell me again, Y/N. Tell me what you want.” You felt his breath fan against your lips, and even though you were supposed to be mad at him--you were supposed to be pissed--you could feel yourself crumbling. 

“I want you to kiss me.” You whispered, blinking up at him through your eyelashes. 

His eyes searched your own, his breath seemingly caught in the back of his throat. It looked like he was having some sort of internal battle with himself, on whether or not he should kiss you. God, if he left you hanging again, you were going to knee him right between his legs before he got the chance. “Fuck it.” He breathed out, then (finally) smashed his lips against your own. 

There was an urgency in the way he kissed you, his grip on your cheek tightening and his lips rough against yours, like he was going to starve to death if he didn’t get a taste of you. There was just as much desperation on your end, though, as one of your hands crawled up his shoulder and the other began to entangle itself in the hair that fell right at the back of his neck. 

Just as you had predicted, kissing him was electrifying. Every inch of your skin his fingers came into contact with felt like it was being lit ablaze. You were perfectly in sync with him, and your lips melded together as though they had been made for the other. You had kissed people before, but nothing had ever come close to this. 

He pushed you so you were pressed flush against the wall, and the hand that had been propping himself up before found a new home on your waist. You clung to him tightly, and if you pulled him any closer against yourself, you were sure your bodies would melt into one another. Still, you raised one of your legs and wrapped your leg around his hip, and you felt him grunt against your lips at the contact. 

After what felt like an eternity, he pulled away from the kiss, briefly pausing to look down at you. His lips were puffy, his eyes were heavy with lust, and he looked absolutely gorgeous. He leaned back down, only to attach his lips to your neck this time. Your breathing grew deeper as he peppered your skin with kisses, and an occasional nip with his teeth. 

“I’m sorry. For not texting you.” He breathed against your skin between kisses. 

You weren’t totally sure if you forgave him or not, yet, but your lips moved faster than your brain did. “It’s okay.” You replied breathlessly, and bit your lip to hold back any noises when his mouth found a particularly sensitive spot. 

He leaned up and away from your neck, so his face was in line with your own again. “Don’t talk to Jake anymore, okay?” He asked, and you immediately nodded. He smiled, and dove back in to connect your lips for one more kiss. “You’re mine.” He whispered against your mouth, and once again, you caught yourself nodding fervently. 

“You’re all mine.” 

YOU STARTED SEEING YEONJUN MORE REGULARLY AFTER THE PARTY. In the deep hours of the night, he would appear outside your bedroom window, trying to throw pebbles at your window and missing every one. One night, he even attempted to crawl up the trellis lining the side of the house, but a piece broke off and he fell before he got the chance. You would usually end up sitting on the porch swing on the backside of your house, talking and… Kissing. 

You hated yourself for ever letting Jisu get into your head. Yeonjun had proved to you over and over again that he was interested in you for more than just hooking up, that he had genuine feelings for you. It made the realization that the summer would end in two months, and you would be going back to the city, sting. So, you decided not to think about it. Which was easy, because when you were with Yeonjun, he was just about all you could think about. 

“Did you tell your mom I broke the trellis?” He asked you a few nights after he’d tried to scale the side of the house, a grin playing on his perfect lips. 

You giggled, shaking your head. The two of you were sitting opposite of each other, out on the swing. “No. I told her I didn’t know anything about it. Must have been a wild animal.” You told him, and he laughed at that. 

“Okay, good. It’s bad enough that you witnessed that, I don’t need anybody else knowing about it.” He said, reaching up to rub the back of your neck. 

“Oh. Well, I definitely didn’t tell Jisu and Chaer about it, then.” 

He paled. “Y/N! Now Jisu’s gonna tell her mom and she’s gonna tell my mom! They’re all gonna bully the shit out of me!” He whined, leaning forward to lightly hit your knee. 

“Maybe you deserve it.” You shrugged, and broke into a smile when he looked at you with the saddest look he could muster up. “Aw, you poor baby. I’m joking, I didn’t tell them…” You leaned forward, putting your lips close to his ear. “That can stay between us.” 

When you started to pull away, he caught the nape of your neck in his hand, looking at you with one of his eyebrows cocked up. “You promise?” He asked, using his other hand to hold up a pinky. 

You were immediately flustered by the proximity. You could feel your face getting hot, and your heartbeat in your ears as your wide eyes darted down to look at his pinky. Slowly, you lifted up your own, looping it together with his. “I promise.” The words came out barely above a whisper, and a thick silence filled the air.

For a second, you thought he was going to kiss you, as he leaned forward close enough to brush his nose against yours. But, then he pulled away, a smirk finding its way onto his lips as he observed your reaction.  

“You’re cute.” He said, unlacing his pinky from your own so he could poke the tip of your nose. He let go of you, leaning back against the arms of the bench to laugh at you. 

You frowned, then smacked his chest. “Shut up! I hate you so much!” Now you were the one whining, all the while he kept giggling at your reaction. 

“Come on, we all know that’s not true.” He said matter-of-factly, sitting back up so his face was closer to you again. 

“It is. I seriously hate you, Choi Yeonjun.” You replied, folding your arms across your chest. 

He tilted his head, and gently laced his hand through one of yours. He pulled it away from your chest, then rose it up to his lips. “Do you hate me when I do this?” He asked, then placed a kiss against your knuckles. 

You turned your head away. “Yes.” You said defiantly. 

You could feel the swing shift as he scooted closer to you, and this time he kissed your cheek. “Do you hate me when I do this?” 

You nodded, keeping your head turned away from him. “Yep.” 

His breath was hot against your jaw when he pressed his lips there next, asking the question again. Only this time, you were starting to get so hot and bothered, you barely heard him ask. You just nodded quickly, swallowing hard. 

Finally, two of his fingers pressed against the other side of your jaw, and gently turned you to look at him. “What about…” He leaned forward, touching his nose against your own just like he had done a minute earlier. “When I do…” His breath fanned against your lips, and you couldn’t take it anymore. “Thi-”

You cut him off by taking charge, capturing his lips in a heated kiss. Honestly, from the minute you first heard him trying to throw pebbles at your window, you had been dying to kiss him. Really, kissing Yeonjun was one of the only things on your mind since Jake’s party. The feeling of lips on yours like a drug, and you were past the point of calling yourself addicted. 

He must have been wanting it just as bad as you, as he wasted no time slipping his hands onto your waist and pulling you onto his lap. Your hands rested on his shoulders, steadying yourself as the swing started to gently sway from all the movement. His fingers sliding under your t-shirt and finding home on the skin of your waist feel like tiny little wildfires lighting every inch they brush over ablaze. 

You felt like you were going crazy, like you were some kind of feral animal that found its next meal. All you could think about was how you wanted—no, needed—more of him. It was like your body had gone into autopilot, as your fingers moved from his shoulders down to the hem of his shirt, which you found yourself toying with. 

He paused for a minute, pulling back from the kiss to look at you. His lips were swollen from your kisses, and his dark hair was disheveled, his bangs falling in the way of his eyes. Yeonjun always looked good, that wasn’t up for debate. But, it was nothing compared to how he looked right now. Right now, the only word that came to mind to describe him was perfect. 

He dove back into your lips, and you were starting to have a difficult time keeping up with him. If you had to guess, Yeonjun was a lot more experienced than you. Sure, you’d had a few make out sessions in your life, but never enough to consider yourself an expert, and you’d never done anything further than that. His mouth moved with such expertise, his tongue prodding against your lips to let you in, you were starting to feel a bit overwhelmed. 

When his hand slipped up under your shirt, that’s when you knew you were in trouble. As much as you were enjoying it, you forced yourself to pull away from him. He quickly retracted his hand, gazing up at you with furrowed brows. 

“Sorry, I—, I think we should slow down for just a minute.” You breathed out, letting a nervous laugh slip past your swollen lips. 

He nodded. “Yeah, okay. Sorry, I didn’t mean to make you uncomfortable or anything—“

“‘—No! That’s not it!” You cut him off, tightening your grip on his shoulders. “It’s just… I’m not very… Experienced in this stuff…” I’m scared, you thought, but you didn’t dare tell him that out loud. 

“I understand, don’t worry about it.” He leaned forward and gave you a gentle peck that made your heart swell. “So… Are you…?”

Your face grew hot. You nodded in response, too embarrassed to say the words yes, I’m a virgin out loud. You were about to graduate college in the next year, and you were still a virgin. Everyone always told you it was nothing to be ashamed of, but you still couldn’t help being a bit embarrassed when the subject came up. 

“Oh, okay. Well, don’t be afraid to tell me if you don’t want to do something. I want you to be comfortable no matter what, okay?” He stared you dead in the eyes, like he was looking for any sign of hesitation. 

You tucked a loose strand of hair behind your ear as you nodded in understanding. “Okay.” You said quietly, and he smiled at your answer. You couldn’t believe how sweet he was being about the whole thing. Surely he had to have some sort of flaw, right?

With that, he leaned in to kiss you just one more time, only this time it was a lot more gentle and intimate than your previous kisses. It was the kind of kiss that gave you butterflies, the kind of kiss that made you realize you might be falling in love with him. 

Oh, god. You were falling in love with Choi Yeonjun.

ONE THING ABOUT JISU WAS SHE LOVED PLANNING PARTIES. So, when her friend Keena’s twentieth birthday rolled around, she practically leapt at the opportunity to plan something. You hardly knew Keena, you’d only met her a few times through Jisu, but your friend insisted you come to the party anyway. According to her, it was going to be a huge party, and everyone was going to be there anyway, so it wasn’t going to be weird! 

It had been about a week since your revelation. You were falling in love with Yeonjun, and you were falling in love fast. The realization terrified you. 

The only time you’d seen love had been with your parents, until you found out they weren’t as in love as you previously thought, since your dad had been hooking up with your housekeeper. He might not have loved your mother anymore, but you knew she still loved him. You saw it in the way she was still fighting to get over him, even now. 

The thought of falling in love, and having to experience the same heartbreak you watched your mom go through for the last few months made you feel sick. So, out of fear, you had been sort of avoiding Yeonjun for the last week. Which was kind of hypocritical of you, considering you had gotten angry at him for doing that to you before. But, at least you had a good reason, right? 

Tonight, though, at Keena’s party, it was more than likely he would be there. Part of you was excited to see him, and had been missing him, while the other part was scared of confrontation, and having to explain to him why you had been avoiding him. 

“Y/N, could you pass me that bag of Doritos?” Jisu’s sweet voice yanked you out of your sea of thoughts, reminding you that you were supposed to be helping her set up for the party, not thinking about Yeonjun. 

“Did you get enough chips?” Chaeryeong asked incredulously as Jisu popped open the bag and began to pour them into a plastic bowl.

Jisu rolled her eyes. “This house is going to be filled with a bunch of guys that are just finishing puberty. Trust me, in my experience planning parties, they eat a lot.” 

Keena, who was wearing a ‘Birthday Girl’ tiara on top of her head, let out a small giggle. “True. Umm, speaking of guys…” She paused for a minute, looking over at Jisu nervously. “Do you know if Yeonjun is coming tonight?” 

Everyone froze. Including you, who nearly choked on your own spit. 

“Oh. Uhh, no, I’m not really sure…” Jisu answered, then glanced over at you. “Y/N might know, though.” 

Keena furrowed her eyebrows. “What? Why might Y/N know?” She asked slowly, her intense gaze flickering between you and Jisu. Then, you watched as her eyes widened, and the answer seemed to dawn on her. “Oh! I’m sorry, I didn’t know you and Yeonjun were--”

“It’s fine.” You quickly waved her off. “You know what? I think I’m gonna go check on the drinks really quick. Just make sure everything is in its place.” You forced the best smile you could muster up, and started to leave. 

“Oh, I’ll come with you! I think I left my bracelet out there earlier.” Chaeryeong raced after you, and you had a feeling she was as desperate as you were to escape the awkward tension that had suddenly filled the air. 

The two of you slipped out the door and into the backyard, where all the different soda and alcoholic drinks Jisu had gotten were being stored. With a long sigh, you bent down and opened up one of the coolers. You half considered dipping your head into the ice in an attempt to calm yourself down, but then you would ruin the makeup you had spent so much time on. 

Chaeryeong watched you awkwardly, toying with a ring on her finger. “They made out once. Last summer. At a bonfire.” She suddenly spoke up. 

You looked back at her over your shoulder. “What?” 

“Keena and Yeonjun. I think she’s had a crush on him since forever, and they made out last summer. I think that’s why she was asking.” She explained. 

“He kissed her?” You asked in disbelief. “How many girls that are coming tonight has he made out with?” 

She shrugged. “Like, 6. There are a few guys, too, I think.” 

You groaned, and the idea of sticking your head in the cooler was sounding more and more like a good idea. 

“But, you really shouldn’t worry!” Chaeryeong was quick to reassure you, kneeling down next to you. “He always ended up ghosting them after. I’ve seen Yeonjun kiss a lot of people, but I’ve never seen him look at anyone the way he looks at you!” She smiled, and rubbed your back reassuringly. 

You looked over at her. “Really?” 

She nodded. “Really. I know it sounds so cliche, but he’s… Different, around you. I really think you’re more than just a quick hookup to him.” 

She was right. It was so cliche. And she was probably just saying it to make you feel better, but it still made your heart swell up. You couldn’t help smiling back at her, leaning into her touch. 

“Thanks, Chaer.” It was hard to remember that you would be leaving her at the end of the summer, and probably rarely talk to her again after that. Your old friends back at home would never have been able to cheer you up the way she did. In fact, you could hear Haeun’s voice now, telling you he’s just a manwhore, Y/N! There’s no way he’s into you! 

You wished you could stay there forever. 

The door flew open, and your little hug was broken as the two of you jumped to turn around and look. There was Jisu, standing with her hands on her hips. “Could you at least close the cooler? You’re going to melt all of the ice!” She snapped at the two of you. “And come back in here! We need to get the beer pong table set up before people start arriving!” 

You and Chaeryeong shared a brief amused look. “Yeah, yeah, yeah, we’re coming.” She rolled her eyes, standing up. 

Initially, you had gone out there to escape from the insecurity starting to inflate inside of you, but thanks to Chaeryeong’s words, you were starting to feel a whole lot more secure in your relationship with Yeonjun. Who cared if he kissed Keena a year ago, and she was still into him?

Yeonjun had his eyes on you. Not Keena. And if what Chaeryeong had said was true, that he was different towards you… Maybe there was a small chance he was falling for you, too. 

There was nothing to worry about…

Right?

KEENA’S PARTY WAS EVEN BIGGER THAN YOU’D ANTICIPATED. It seemed like there were as many people as were at Jake’s party, if not more. You doubted everyone there knew Keena, and were intending to celebrate her birthday. Most of them were probably just looking for a good time. 

You had been hoping to run into Yeonjun soon. You wanted to apologize, and explain why you had been so distant the past week. After you had gotten so angry at him for doing the same thing to you, an explanation was what he deserved, right? 

So far, though, you had yet to see him anywhere. You wondered if maybe he had decided not to show up after all. If you’d learned one thing about Yeonjun, though, it was that he was not one to miss a party. Especially not a rager like this one. So, you knew he was somewhere in the house, it was just a question of where. 

You had just finished combing through the kitchen unsuccessfully when you wandered over towards the beer pong table, releasing a frustrated sigh. You were prepared to give up and just text him and ask where he was, but that’s when you saw him. 

No, not Yeonjun. It was Beomgyu, playing a game of beer pong with some random people you didn’t know. Relief washed over you as you trudged over to him, praying that your search was nearing its end. 

“Beomgyu!” You called out, then realized he had just been preparing to toss his ball, and your shout had totally thrown him off. He frowned as the ball bounced off the edge of a cup, and the perfect throw he’d been aiming for was ruined forever.

With a defeated sigh, he finally looked in your direction. “Y/N? You wanna play, or something?” He asked, gesturing to the cups. 

“No, I’m not very good. Uh, no, I was just going to ask if you knew where Yeonjun was?” You smiled hopefully at him. 

He tapped a finger to his lips, as though he was deep in thought. “Hmm, no. Wait! Yes, last time I saw him he was out on the back porch. Actually, that might have been Wooyoung… No-no, it was definitely Yeonjun. Yeah, he’s out on the back porch.”

You cocked an eyebrow. “You sure?” Clearly, he had been playing too much beer pong, and was already drunk.

“Yeah, one hundred percent, lady. Oh, if you see him, will you ask where he put my Air Force Ones? I know he stole them, I just don’t know where he’s hiding them.”

You blinked, then nodded slowly. Yeah, you weren’t really sure just how reliable Beomgyu was, but it was the closest thing you had to a lead at that point. “Sure. I’ll ask.”

With that, you started walking away, ready to wrap up the conversation, but before you got the chance, Beomgyu caught your wrist. He tugged you back, a bit closer to him, then leaned in close so you could feel his breath on your ear. 

“Be careful around him, Y/N.”

You felt the hair on the back of your neck stand up. “What?” You whispered. 

He smiled. “I said have fun with him, Y/N! Bye!” He let go of your wrist, and returned to the game, leaving you standing there dumbfounded. 

Be careful around him. He really said that, didn’t he? You hadn’t imagined it? He had recovered from it so nonchalantly, and returned to his game without any hesitation, you wondered if maybe you were going crazy and hallucinated it. During your time exploring the party, you’d had a few drinks, so maybe you were just a little intoxicated. 

For now, you decided to just ignore it. Instead, you started to make your way up through the house, and in the direction of the back porch. You were glad you did decide to have a few drinks, otherwise your nerves might have been on fire. Granted, you weren’t completely relaxed, but your hands weren’t shaking, so that was a good sign. 

You pushed through the crowd of people until you finally found yourself out on the back porch where you had been hiding out with Chaeryeong earlier in the day. 

I’ve never seen him look at someone the way he looks at you!

Be careful around him, Y/N.

You shook your head, trying to shake the voices of your friends loose from your mind. 

Finally, you spotted him. He was leaning up against the railing, appearing to be deep in conversation with someone, but you couldn’t see who. Then, the person blocking your view moved out of the way, and your heart sank. Suddenly, you wished you hadn’t seen him. 

He was talking to Keena, who had her hand resting on his arm, and was leaning in close to laugh about something he said. And the worst part was, he wasn’t trying to get her to move, or anything like that. No, instead he leaned down as well, so their faces were practically inches away from each other as their loud laughter drifted across the patio to you. 

You were trying really, really hard not to think the worst, but you couldn’t help it. She was basically all over him, and he wasn’t doing anything about it. 

But what did you expect? It wasn’t like he was your boyfriend or anything. 

You made the mistake of standing and staring for too long, though. Because he must have felt your gaze burning into the side of his face, and glanced in your direction. Except the glance turned into a wide-eyed stare when he realized it was you watching them. 

He started to say something to Keena, peeling her hands off of him, but you were out of there before you saw what happened next. You spun around on your heel and stormed back into the house, feeling tears brim in the corners of your eyes. You didn’t know why you were crying. You were the one who had stopped talking to him for the last week. You had come clean and told him you were a virgin. It was no wonder he had gotten bored of you and moved onto someone else.

You turned down a hallway, and threw open the first door to a bedroom you found. There was a couple making out on the bed, who jumped when you flung the door open, then glared at you. “Excuse you, can’t you see we’re in the middle of something?” One of the girls asked. 

“Go do it somewhere else!” You snapped at her, and she scoffed at your exclamation. 

“Listen, girl, we were here first--”

“Give us the room!” You didn’t even notice him come up behind you. With an annoyed groan, you buried your face in your palms. This room was supposed to be your escape from him, and now he was ruining it. You had half a mind to elbow him in the stomach. 

The girls rolled their eyes, but were apparently not in the mood to argue--not with Yeonjun, at least. You were both quiet as they walked past, and you tried to follow them out of the room, but of course he stopped you. He tugged you back into the room, and shut the door before you could run back out. 

“Y/N, look, it wasn’t what it looked like--”

“Of course it wasn’t! It never is, is it?” You were trying not to be angry at him, but he was making it so difficult! 

He sighed as you went to sit on the bed. “Look, I don’t even know why you’re that upset. You haven’t talked to me all week, so I thought you were… Done with this, I don’t know.” 

You shook your head, pressing your elbows into your knees as you cradled your cheeks with your palms. “No, it’s not that. I’m just…” Your voice trailed off, and suddenly it became hard to talk. His presence looming in the doorway wasn’t exactly helping, either. 

When he finally left his spot to come sit on the bed next to you, you weren’t sure if it was a good thing or a bad thing. “What is it, Y/N? I need you to talk to me.” He said softly. 

You looked over at him, to see his dark eyes gazing down on you. He should be annoyed with you, and your childish behavior. But he’s not. Instead, his eyes are so full of fondness, you can’t help but think back to what Chaeryeong told you.

I’ve never seen him look at someone the way he looks at you!

You suppose it’s time you did what you had intended to do when you first went onto the porch--tell him the truth.

“That’s not why I was ignoring you… I was ignoring you because--and this probably sounds really silly and stupid, but--I think I was scared.” The last word slipped through your lips, barely above a whisper. 

He furrowed his eyebrows. “Scared? Scared of what?” He asked you. 

“I just… I really like you, Yeonjun. Like, really like you. And I was scared of how fast I was starting to like you.” You knew it was stupid before, but now that you had actually said it, it sounded really stupid. 

He didn’t say anything for a few seconds, didn’t react, but then he slowly started to smile. “You really like me?” He asked. 

You rolled your eyes, and punched his shoulder. “Shut up! I’m serious!” 

He winced, reaching up to rub where you had hit him. “Okay, okay, sorry. I guess I’m just a little confused why that would be scary. Shouldn’t that be a good thing? Because I really like you, too.”

There was only one way you could really make him understand. You sucked in a shaky breath, and braced yourself. “Can I… Tell you something?”

He nodded. “Yeah, of course. Tell me anything.” 

“This summer… The reason me and my mom came down, just the two of us… Earlier this year, my mom came home to find my dad hooking up with our housekeeper.” You paused, looking over at him for a reaction. “I thought he loved my mom, but I guess he didn’t--or at least not enough. And I saw how badly that hurt her, I had to be there to help pick up the pieces of her broken heart. So, I guess I was really just scared, that I could see myself falling in love with you, and that means you have the power to break my heart, just like my dad did to my mom.”

The room was silent. Yeonjun was staring down at you, his eyes wide, and you thought they were starting to look a bit glassy. His lips were slightly parted, like he was getting ready to say something, but nothing came out. You weren’t sure you had ever seen Yeonjun at a loss for words before. Quiet Yeonjun was a lot scarier than talkative Yeonjun. 

“See, I knew it was stupid.” You heaved a defeated sigh, and stood up to leave, but for the second time that night, Yeonjun grabbed ahold of your wrist. 

“It’s not stupid.” He reassured you quickly. You looked down at him, to see him gazing up at you with a pleading expression, then decided to sit back next to him. “I’m sorry your dad did that, Y/N. Your mom didn’t deserve that--you didn’t deserve that. But I promise, I won’t ever hurt you the way he did. You have nothing to be afraid of.” 

You could feel your eyes growing wet again. “Really?” You breathed out. “You promise?” 

He nodded fervently. “I promise.” 

Then, the two of you leaned in at the same time, connecting your lips in a passionate kiss. Your heart was hammering against your chest, and you were overwhelmed by how strong your feelings for him were growing. It was still a scary feeling, but it was a little less scary now that he made that promise to you. 

The kiss didn’t last for long, though, as you pulled away and instead buried your face in his shoulder. “I’m sorry for not talking to you.” 

He laughed softly, resting one of his hands on the back of your head. “It’s okay. I’m sorry for letting Keena flirt with me. I should have shut that down a long time ago.” 

You smiled. “Yeah, you should have. But… It’s her birthday. You can tell her later.” 

“Yeah. Later.” He leaned back, and you looked up so you were at eye level with him again. He pressed his lips against yours again, and snuck a hand around your waist. As you kissed him, he pulled you up so you were straddling his lap. “Can we stay here all night?” He whispered against your lips. 

You giggled, shaking your head as you kissed him again. “No. I need to go check in with Jisu and see if she needs anything.” You told him, and he whined. 

“Jisu is fine, what about what I need?” 

You rolled your eyes. “You’re like a baby. We can make out later, let me just go--” 

Suddenly he fell back onto the bed, taking you down with him. He rolled over so he was hovering over you, looking down at you with a playful grin. “Now you’re trapped, so I guess you’re stuck here with me.” 

“Oh yeah?” You laughed, and reached up to wrap your arms around the back of his neck. 

“Yeah.” He breathed out, and leaned down to once again capture your lips in a heated kiss. This time, you didn’t try to protest. Jisu could wait. You had gone a whole week without this, and now that you’d gotten another taste of him, you were reminded of how you just couldn’t get enough of him. 

Thankfully, the girls who you had kicked out never came back, and nobody else barged in to interrupt you. You had no idea whose room the two of you were in, but for that night, it belonged to you.

WHEN YOU WERE A KID, YOU ALWAYS LOOKED FORWARD TO the annual fair that took place out on the boardwalks. There were rides, games, snacks, and best of all, they would end the night with a sky full of fireworks. Your parents would always buy you some cotton candy, pay off the people running the games to help you win some stuffed prize, then take you up on the ferris wheel to watch the fireworks. It was perfect. 

You couldn’t believe it when you found out the tradition was still going strong. As soon as you found out it was happening towards the end of July, you knew you had to be there. And more importantly, you knew you wanted to go with Yeonjun. 

Unfortunately for you, though, Beomgyu and Wooyoung also wanted to go with Yeonjun. You decided to make it a group outing, inviting Jisu and Chaeryeong to tag along as well. It wasn’t ideal, but you couldn’t lie and say you weren’t looking forward to it a little bit. Besides, you could always steal Yeonjun away later, right?

“I think we should go through the haunted house first.” Beomgyu suggested as the six of you wandered around the boardwalks. 

Due to you now being in the last couple of weeks of July, it seemed like the heat of the summer was at an all time high. Even in the shade, in a pair of shorts and a tank top, you were still melting in the heat. The humidity radiating off of the ocean wasn’t helping much, either. 

“No! You know those things scare me!” Yeonjun exclaimed, jabbing a finger in Beomgyu’s direction. 

You grinned. “Aww, don’t worry Jjunie, I can protect you from the scary ghosts.” You cooed at him, hugging his arm close to you. 

Beomgyu and Wooyoung exchanged a look as Yeonjun began to giggle at your antics. For some reason, it reminded you of what Beomgyu had told you the night of Keena’s party. 

Be careful around him, Y/N.

Jisu cleared her throat. “Stop being gross. I think Beomgyu’s right, let’s go to the haunted house.”

Yeonjun frowned, but you looped your fingers together with his in an attempt to soothe him. He smiled down at you, and you assumed it was working. 

“Careful, Y/N, he’ll break your hand off.” Wooyoung commented as the six of you started heading towards the haunted house. “One time, we went on a group date to see a scary movie, and I swear he broke the girl’s fingers.”

You tensed up at the mention of another girl. Of course, you knew Yeonjun had dated other people before you, and after your conversation at the party, you knew you had nothing to be jealous of. Still, the comment stung a bit. 

“Oh my god, remember when we played with that VR set last summer, and Yeonjun started crying while playing Five Nights at Freddy’s VR?” Chaeryeong started to laugh loudly, and Yeonjun glared at her. 

“Shut up! Jisu started crying too, but nobody brings that up!” He snapped defensively, and you couldn’t help laughing. 

Jisu shrugged. “That’s because you’re a man. You’re supposed to be strong and macho, or whatever. Girls are allowed to cry.”

“Isn’t that a little anti-feminist of you?” Beomgyu asked with furrowed eyebrows. 

“So what if it is? Girls are allowed to be anti-feminist.” She teased, and Beomgyu rolled his eyes. 

“In my Women’s Studies class, they taught us that was a bad mindset.” Wooyoung said. 

“Why did you take a Women’s Studies class?” You laughed in disbelief. 

He glanced away. “…Because the TA was hot.”

Finally, you all made it to the haunted house. It looked exactly the same as it had when you were a little girl, too afraid to dare go inside of it. Your dad had tried to convince you to go in with him multiple times, but you always told him no! You were still a little bit scared, but after the way they had just clowned Yeonjun, you absolutely were not going to let anyone know that. 

Instead, you just clung on tightly to Yeonjun, assuring him you were just doing it to make him feel better. But when the two of you rounded a corner to be jump scared by someone dressed as a zombie, and you screamed as you buried your face into your chest, it was obvious you were just as scared as him. 

“You’re kinda cute when you’re scared. Maybe we should go through haunted houses more often.” Yeonjun commented once you were out of earshot of the actor. 

“Nope. You better get a good look and savor scared Y/N now, because I’m never doing this shit again.” You said sweetly, tilting your chin to look up at him. You were still nestled against his chest as the two of you walked, clinging onto one another for safety. 

“Oh trust me, I am looking.” He flashed that stupid, flirty grin that always gave you butterflies, then started to lean down. 

There was a loud gagging sound. “God, is this why you two are so far behind? It’s not enough to make out everywhere else, you have to do it here, too?” Wooyoung asked incredulously. 

You pushed yourself away from his chest. “Nope! I was just wiping away his tears!” 

Yeonjun gasped. “What?! Don’t lie! She was scared, too!” He shouted after you as you jogged to catch up with the others. 

BY THE TIME THE SUN WAS STARTING TO SET, and fireworks were just a short while away, you were exhausted. You were pretty sure the heat was slowly killing you, and you had spent several hours playing stupid carnival games because Wooyoung insisted on beating each one. Which was how he ended up with arms full of plushies that he started giving out to random children. 

Yeonjun won you a fox plushie at the ring toss after you informed him that it reminded you of him. He said it was so you would always be reminded of him, which reminded you that in about a month, you’d be going back to the city, and you didn’t know if you’d ever see him again. 

But, today wasn’t the day to be thinking about that. You wanted to focus on the fact that you were there with him now, and ignore that the future was creeping in closer and closer. Stressing about it wasn’t going to make things any easier for when the time came, so what was the point? 

The two of you were once again lagging behind your other friends as you walked around, relishing in the cool air that was starting to set in as the sun prepared to dip below the horizon. In one hand, you held the fox plushie close to your chest, and in the other, you held Yeonjun’s hand tightly. 

“Ugh, I’m so tired. I think my feet are going to fall off.” You groaned to him, leaning over to rest your head on his shoulder. 

He gently shook with soft laughter. “Yeah, I know. When I was a kid, I could run around here for hours, but now I just get worn out so quickly.” He said with a sigh. “I had an idea, though. I know you wanted to go watch the fireworks from the ferris wheel, but I think I might know a better place.”

“Oh yeah?” You looked up at him curiously. 

He nodded. “Yeah. It’ll be a good view, and there will be way less people. Nice and secluded.” 

“Ooh, I like the sound of that.” You giggled. Of course, you’d been hoping to watch the fireworks the way you used to, but more than that you were dying to get some alone time with Yeonjun. Your friends were being third, fourth, fifth and sixth wheels, and ruining everything. 

You blamed stupid Choi Beomgyu and Jung Wooyoung. 

“We just have to sneak away from our friends first…” His voice trailed off as he glanced around, as though he was looking for a way to escape. 

You hummed in thought. “Hmm… Oh! I have an idea!” 

You tugged him by his hand in the direction of your friends, picking up the pace to switch into a jog. He didn’t question you, he just jogged behind you, still holding tightly onto your hand, like he was afraid of you slipping out of his grasp. 

Once she noticed you approaching her from behind, Chaeryeong let out a low groan. “If you guys are going to keep being gross, you should go do it somewhere else. You’re going to ruin some perfectly good fireworks!” She whined. 

You smiled over at Yeonjun, realizing this was going to be a lot easier than you thought. “So… You wouldn’t mind if we snuck away and left you guys to watch them together?” You inquired slowly. 

“What?! No! You can’t steal him away from us! Let’s split up, boys and girls!” Wooyoung grabbed Yeonjun’s other hand, trying to tug him away from you. 

“Did they teach you to do that in your Women’s Studies class?” Jisu raised an eyebrow. 

Wooyoung hissed at her. 

“Ew, I’m not going with you after you did that, freak!” Yeonjun snapped his hand out of his grip. “I’m actually feeling a little sick after The Zipper, so I just want to turn in early.” 

It was so obviously a lie, a lot worse than the one you had been planning to use, but it looked like your friends had given up hope. “Fine… Make sure you take care of him, Y/N.” Beomgyu released a sigh of defeat. 

“If you throw up on her, I’ll kill you.” Jisu threatened. Chaeryeong nodded in solidarity. 

“I’m not going to throw up on her!”

“He might! Because he’s so very sick. Come on, Jun!” You waved to your friends as you started to pull him away, smiling widely at them. “I’ll text you guys later!” 

“Don’t forget to use protection!” Wooyoung shouted once you guys were practically out of earshot. 

Your face grew hot, and you were suddenly overwhelmed with mortification. Did he want everyone at the fair to think you two were sneaking off to have sex? You hoped Jisu punched him for that. She and Chaeryeong were the only people other than Yeonjun that you had told about your… Predicament. At least you knew that those two knew you weren’t running away to hook up. You just hoped nobody else you knew heard him. 

“Ignore him. He’s a fucking idiot.” Yeonjun glared over his shoulder, and you watched as he held up a middle finger towards Wooyoung. 

“Yeah, I’ll say.” You muttered, looking down to find interest in your sandals. 

He let go of your hand, and you were about to complain but he instead wrapped his arm around your shoulder and pulled you close to him. “C’mon. Let me show you the super special spot I had in mind.” 

The entire walk to his “super special spot”, he kept a firm grip on you, keeping you close to him. You knew that Yeonjun was a touchy guy, you discovered that pretty early on. Tonight, though, he seemed clingier than usual. You didn’t really mind, in fact you liked staying close to him. There was just something about being so close to him that made you feel safe, and secure. Like nothing bad would happen as long as you were with him. 

His super special spot, as it turned out, was your house. 

You gave him a deadpan look. 

“No, I know what you’re thinking! But, look, you have a perfect view of where the fireworks go off! Especially if we climb out of your window onto your roof!” He beamed down at you proudly. 

“Absolutely not. My mom might actually wring our necks and kill us if she finds out we’re climbing up there.” You started to laugh, shaking your head at the idea. 

“But you said your mom is out with friends tonight, right? She’ll never even know we were up there.” 

You tucked your bottom lip between your teeth, biting down as you mulled the idea over. He was right, you did tell him about how your mom was out drinking with some of her old friends. And if she did come home and see you up there, you might be able to convince her that she was so drunk that she imagined it, or something like that. “Okay, fine! But if I fall down and break my neck, you’re paying my medical bills.” 

“Nope! If you go down, I go down, too!” He sang, hot on your tail like a lost puppy as you wandered up your porch stairs. 

You laughed softly as you picked through your keyring to find the right one. “I’m not sure if that’s really stupid, or really romantic.” 

Suddenly, you felt his arms wrap around your waist from behind, and his breath against your neck, causing goosebumps to spread across your skin. “Why not both?” He asked, then leaned forward to press a kiss against your cheek. 

As you finally got the door open, you giggled, and tried to push him off of you. “Come on, this way!” You raced up the stairs, and just as you had hoped, he began to chase after you. He was barely inches behind you, filling you up with adrenaline as you screamed and turned down the hallway in the direction of your bedroom.

Unfortunately, your door was closed, which gave him plenty of time to catch up to you as your nerves made it difficult to wring the doorknob open. The second the door opened up, he caught you, wrapping his arms around your waist and lifting you off the ground. The air was filled with giggles and screams as he carried you over to your bed. 

“Yeonjun, stop--!” You barely managed to get out between your laughter, and you let out a loud yelp when he dumped you onto the cushy mattress, then crawled on top of you. 

You were out of breath as you laid against your bed, chest heaving up and down as you tried to cool your giggles. He was hovering over you, and you recalled the last time he had caged you in back at Keena’s party. As the two of you were catching your breath, though, something in the air felt different. His dark eyes were flickering between yours, like he was searching for something inside of them. 

You were suddenly overcome with a warm feeling, and before you got the chance to stop yourself and ask if this was a good idea, you whispered to him. “I think I’m in love with you.” 

For some reason, you thought you would regret telling him that. You thought it would ruin things between the two of you, and make him regret ever going out with you. But, you weren’t regretting it. You had been thinking it for over a week now, and finally, you were able to get it off of your chest. And even if he didn’t feel the same, even if he thought you were rushing into things too fast, you were just glad that you had finally worked up the nerve to tell him. Because it was true, and he deserved to know. 

He stared down at you, blinking. “You are?” He asked, barely loud enough for you to hear in the silent room. 

You nodded, taking a good look at his face. His long, pretty eyelashes, his pointed nose, his perfectly shaped lips… As you were taking him in--all of him--there was absolutely no doubt in your mind. 

“Yeah. I’m in love with you.”

The second the last word left your mouth, Yeonjun wasted no time diving down to connect his lips with yours. By that point, you had kissed him more times than you could count, but you didn’t care about any of those other times, because nothing compared to this one. 

He didn’t need to say it back. You could feel it in the way he gently pushed your stray strands of hair out of your face, and in the way he cupped your cheek as he kissed you, like you were the most precious object in the whole world to him. When he pulled away from your lips to press kisses all over your face--your eyes, your nose, your cheeks, your chin--you knew that he loved you too. 

A bright light flooded into your room through the window, followed by a loud boom. The two of you looked to see the fireworks you had been dying to see finally going off, and he was right. Your bedroom had a perfect view. 

He looked back down at you, his lips slightly swollen from all the kissing. “Do you--still wanna--watch?” He asked between breaths. 

A wave of confidence rushed over you, and you shook your head. With a shaky breath, you lifted one of your legs, hooking it around his lower back to pull him close to you. “Yeonjun…I’m ready for you.” 

The room glowed red. “Are you--Are you sure?” He whispered, furrowing his brows as he examined your face. 

Before now, you’d never really felt the desire to be with someone intimately like that. Nobody had ever made your heart race the way he did, and if you were going to give a piece of yourself away to anyone, you wanted it to be him. The first boy you had ever really, truly loved. In an attempt to show him just how serious you were, you reached down, grabbing the edge of your shirt and slowly pulling it up over your head so you were left only with your bra. 

His eyes widened, then he leaned down to kiss you again. Now, his kisses were getting rougher, more aggressive, like you had woken something up inside of him. His hand roamed down to the side of your thigh, as his lips moved to attach themselves to your neck. “I need you to tell me. Tell me you’re sure about this.” He mumbled against your skin in between kisses.

You grabbed a hold of the sides of his face, pulling him away and forcing him to look at you. You pressed one more kiss against his lips, then said the magic words. 

“I’ve never been more sure about anything.” 

YOU HAD NEVER BEEN A BIG FAN OF AUGUST. It was the last month of summer, and usually the month that school started back up again. It was like the Sunday of the year--sure, it was still a part of your break, but it was also when the dread of returning to stupid school set in. You didn’t like it when you were a kid, and you didn’t like it now. 

Well, before this year you didn’t like it. Now, you were starting to like it. And that’s because you and Yeonjun officially became a couple on the first day of August. You had probably spent way too much time with him in the last week, but you didn’t care. You were in the honeymoon phase, where you just wanted to be beside him constantly. 

Your days were spent wandering around town, whether it be eating lunch together at different restaurants, or going for walks along the beach, and splashing each other with the ocean water as you swam. And your nights were spent twisted in bedsheets, and filled with pillow talk that stretched into the early hours of the mornings. 

It’s safe to say you were absolutely head over heels for Choi Yeonjun. If he was a bright, blazing flame, then you were like a moth, unable to put up a fight as you found yourself drawn to him. 

The problem with the honeymoon phase, though, is that it will always come to an end. 

On Saturday, you were rudely awakened by the sun rising and flooding Yeonjun’s room with light. You groaned, trying to roll away from the light, but his arm was wrapped firmly around your waist, and there was no chance you were going anywhere. 

“Yeonjun?” You called out weakly, and draped one of your arms over your eyes in an attempt to block out the light. 

He hummed against your neck. 

“Jun, wake up. I need to close the curtain.” You whined, trying to shake yourself out of his grip. 

“No… Stay here.” He grumbled, and buried his face deeper into your neck. You giggled softly, but were still annoyed nonetheless.

“Come on, it’s hurting my eyes.” 

“I’ll fix it.” He lazily reached down to grab the edge of your waist, then pulled you to help turn you to face him. 

Finally, you were able to hide against his bare chest from the sunlight. “Okay, this is lots better.” You mumbled, and scooted closer so you could get nestled against him. It wasn’t the most comfortable position in the world, but it definitely beat having the sun in your eyes. 

“Let’s just sleep forever.” Yeonjun muttered groggily against your hair, tightening his grip on your waist to pull you closer to him. Honestly, it wasn’t sounding like the worst idea in the world. You would be perfectly content spending the rest of the day hiding in his room, especially since you’d have to deal with the dirty looks of his friends as you tried to sneak out. 

You could slowly feel yourself drifting back off into sleep when the door to the room flung open. Yeonjun was quick to sit up and see who it was, while you weren’t so quick to react. You were starting to grow angry from all the things preventing you from going back to sleep. 

“Um, Yeonjun… You need to get her out of here.” You could hear Beomgyu saying, which piqued your interest. You sat up, holding the comforter close to your chest to cover yourself. 

“Excuse me?” You asked, narrowing your eyes at his long haired friend. 

Beomgyu looked… Scared, as his eyes darted between you and Yeonjun. 

“What? What do you mean?” Yeonjun was rubbing his eyes to try and wake himself up. 

“It’s…” Beomgyu’s voice trailed off, glancing over at you again, like he was too afraid to say the answer in front of you. “Karina.” 

You felt Yeonjun tense up next to you. If he wasn’t awake before, he definitely was now, as he stared at Beomgyu with eyes as wide as saucers. He seemed to understand what his friend was talking about the second the name left his lips, but you were still completely in the dark about what was going on. And you hated being the only one left out of the loop. Which is why you asked the question, even though you should have known better. 

“Who’s Karina?” 

Stupid. Stupid, you were so stupid! Immediately after you asked it, you figured out the answer to your own question. And the looks on both Beomgyu and Yeonjun’s faces as they looked over at you--the looks of pity and guilt--confirmed it for you. 

Be careful around him, Y/N. 

“Oh.” 

You felt frozen in place as they just stared at you, like they were waiting for some kind of reaction. But, you were in so much shock, with so many different thoughts going a million miles a minute, you didn’t know how to react. Did you scream? Did you cry? Did you slap him? You didn’t know what you were supposed to do. 

The only thing you knew of for sure was you needed to get out of there. If you spent another second in that room--in his bed--you were going to lose your mind. 

“Beomgyu… Can you get out? I need to get dressed.” You said slowly, your voice starting to waver. 

He nodded wordlessly, then stepped out of the room and closed the door behind you. All it had taken was a matter of seconds for the place you didn’t want to leave to become the last place on Earth you wanted to be. 

“Y/N, please.” Was all Yeonjun said as you stood up from the bed. His voice sounded far away. 

You didn’t respond as you slowly dressed yourself. Through the wall, you could hear voices talking in another room, one of which obviously belonging to a girl. There was no way you were going to be able to go out that way, which meant you were going to have to climb out the window. When you were a little girl, the idea of sneaking out of a boy’s room through the window sounded exciting and romantic. Now, it was a part of your worst nightmare. 

Once you finally had your clothes on, you walked over to the window--the same, stupid window that had woken you up earlier in the morning. You hated that stupid window. 

“Y/N, I can explain everything, I swear I can--” 

“You have a guest, it sounds like. You’d better go say hi.” You said numbly as you opened up the window. You took note of how, like your window in your bedroom, there was no screen. Which reminded you of the night he had hit you in the face with a pebble. 

You should have never gone out to talk to him that night. 

“Please, baby, just--” You didn’t give him a chance to finish. Without a look back at him, you slipped out of his window, and onto his rooftop. He didn’t try to stop you.

Your entire walk home, you felt numb all over. You weren’t sure how to process what had just happened. All you could do was keep replaying the way Yeonjun had looked at you. The pathetic, guilty look on his face, and his sad eyes as he gazed at you. Even worse, the pity on Beomgyu’s features. Like you were some puppy that had just gotten kicked to the curb.  

At home, your mom was sitting at the kitchen table, drinking a coffee and reading the book you’d brought along on the trip. With everything that had been happening as of late, you hadn’t really had much time to read, so she had decided to pick it up. 

You were hoping to just avoid any conversation and go up to your room, but of course, you never got the things you hoped for. Your mom heard you open the door, and put the book down to look at you. 

“Y/N? Are you alright?” She asked, and you weren’t sure how she was able to tell something was wrong, but it must have been a mother’s instinct, or something like that. 

You could just lie, and tell her you were fine, but you knew she wouldn’t believe that. Your bottom lip trembled, and you shook your head. “No.” Was all you could manage to get out before you burst into an explosion of sobs. Lucky for you, your mother was quick, and rushed to your side before you could collapse onto the floor. 

“Oh, honey, what happened?” She gently caressed your hair, trying her hardest to console you. But, you’d never broken down like this in front of her before, so you weren’t surprised when she didn’t fully know how to help you. 

Since you had asked that question, and gotten those looks in response, you had been trying to avoid directly confronting what had happened. You just knew something was bad, and that he had been lying to you about it. But, now, you were forced to finally say the words that had been lingering in the back, waiting to be acknowledged, that you’d been too afraid of. 

“I think--I think he’s been cheating on me.” You cried out in between sobs, your body trembling in her arms. You could hardly breathe from how hard you were crying, could barely see through the tears nonstop flooding your eyes. “God, I’m such--I’m such an idiot! I should have known, I should have fucking known!” 

“Hey, no. You’re not an idiot.” Your mom said firmly, gently forcing you to look at her. “You’re not an idiot. If he really is cheating on you, then he’s the idiot.” 

You shook your head, rapidly blinking away your tears in an attempt to be able to look at her. More than anyone in the world, you knew she would be able to understand what had happened to you. How it had taken seconds for your world to be shattered. 

In your time dating Yeonjun, you hadn’t even told your mom about him. She was recovering from her divorce, you thought that telling her all about how you were falling for someone would be insensitive, or something, so you chose not to tell her about it. Even still, she wasn’t asking you questions, like who was cheating on you, or anything like that. Instead, she was just doing her best to comfort you, and be there for you. 

“I’m an idiot because… Because I think I still love him.” You whimpered. 

“I know you do.” She whispered, and pulled you into a hug as you sobbed into her shoulder. 

“I know you do.”

“HER NAME IS KARINA.” 

You hadn’t left your room in days. You spent most of your time either crying, sleeping or eating.  There was this heavy feeling in your chest, like your heart was physically aching, which was making it hard to motivate yourself to do anything. The fear of running into Yeonjun or any of his friends was also keeping you from leaving. 

The worst part of it all, though, was he hadn’t tried to reach out once. You had expected a bunch of phone calls, and to be bombarded with text messages, hell maybe he would show up on your doorstep and ask your mom to talk to you. But, all you got from him was radio silence. You supposed he was too busy with Karina. 

You did get lots of texts from Chaeryeong, Jisu, and even Keena wondering where you had been. When you didn’t respond, they took it upon themselves to show up at your house, asking your mom if you had died. 

They found you curled up on your bed, watching Twenty-Five Twenty-One—aka the perfect drama to cry to—on your laptop. If even Yijin and Heedo hadn’t been able to make it, what in the world made you think that you and Yeonjun stood a chance? At least Yijin hadn’t cheated on Heedo, though. 

After lots and lots of pressuring, you finally cracked and told them what happened. About how Beomgyu had burst into the room, and about how Yeonjun didn’t chase after you when you escaped out the window. 

“Okay, but you don’t know who she is, right? How do you know he was cheating?” Chaeryeong had asked you, while Jisu seethed in the corner. 

“It was written all over his face. I just knew.”

After that, Jisu told you she was going to go undercover and gather information for you. You told her she really didn’t need to do that, you weren’t sure you even wanted to know any information, but she insisted. Because even if you didn’t want to hear it then, you might want to hear it later. 

Which led to now, where the three of you were gathered on your porch, going over the information. You had basically been forced to go outside, because according to Chaeryeong, you were in desperate need of some Vitamin D… The sunlight kind. 

“Yeah, I already gathered that much.” You responded, pulling your knees up to your chest. 

Jisu nodded. “Right. Okay. According to Beomgyu, they’d been going out for almost a year, but started fighting pretty bad this spring.” 

“A year…” You swallowed hard, the familiar feeling of tears prickling the corners of your eyes starting to arise. 

“Yeah… They decided to take a break this summer. So, technically, they’re not together right now.” 

Chaeryeong gasped. “Wait! This is just like that episode of Friends! I think, I dunno, I never watched that show.” 

Jisu glared at her. “Sure. Like Friends. Anyway, Wooyoung said she just showed up that morning, looking for Yeonjun. Apparently, she missed him, and decided to come surprise him, and end their break early, or whatever.” 

You stared aimlessly out at the street, holding yourself back from blinking, so the tears wouldn’t spill out of your eyes. “So, this whole time… From the first bonfire we talked at… He’s had someone else on his mind.” You croaked out. 

Chaeryeong sat next to you, wrapping an arm around your shoulders. “I’m so sorry, Y/N. I really believed him, too.”

“He’s a fucking asshole. I’m gonna go kill him.” Jisu muttered as she paced back and forth across the porch.

“Don’t do that.” You shook your head, wiping the stray tears that spilled from your eyes off of your cheeks. “I don’t—I don’t want him to know how badly he hurt me. I don’t want to give him the satisfaction.”

Jisu exchanged a look with Chaeryeong, then her muscles relaxed. “Okay. You’re right.” She said with a sigh. 

Suddenly, Chaeryeong’s eyes lit up. “Oh, you know the perfect way to do that?” She asked excitedly, sitting forward in her seat. 

You shook your head. 

“So, Seungmin is throwing a huge bonfire party down at the beach with his friends, maybe we could find you a guy to flirt with, take your mind off of Yeonjun!” 

You absolutely hated how badly your time with Yeonjun affected you. Because now, the thought of flirting with anyone who wasn’t him made your stomach churn. “Oh. Yeah, um, I don’t know…”

“We know you’re probably afraid of running into him.” Jisu jumped in. You wondered if they’d been planning this. “But, what if we can promise you he won’t be there?” 

You must have been visibly grimacing at the thought, as Chaeryeong was quick to start trying to change your mind. “Please, Y/N! We miss going out with you so much! Just come and try to let yourself have fun, and if you’re still not feeling it, we’ll take you home!” She was practically begging, and Jisu was nodding fervently in agreement. 

They were probably right. A night out would be good for you, and help take your mind off of everything. There was just a part of you that didn’t want to take your mind off of it. Some sick part of you enjoyed the pain—not because you were a masochist or anything, but because the pain meant it wasn’t completely over yet. 

Maybe it was time for it to be over, though. 

“…You can absolutely guarantee he won’t be there?” You looked between the two of them. 

Chaeryeong nodded. “Mhm! We will tell Wooyoung and Beomgyu to keep him far away from that beach!” She told you enthusiastically. 

With both of their eyes trained on you intensely, you realized you didn’t really have a choice in the matter. You let out a sigh. “Okay, fine. I’ll go.”

GOING TO A BONFIRE FOR YOUR FIRST NIGHT OUT SINCE finding out your boyfriend had been lying to you for months was not the best idea. After all, it has been at a bonfire party earlier in the summer where you had reconnected with him. Now, at the party where you were supposed to be thinking about anything but him, he was all you could think about. 

Even when you were talking to a perfectly attractive guy, who was very obviously into you, all you could think about was him. Some guy—Taehyun, you think his name was?—visiting for the summer that was randomly invited by Seungmin had taken interest in you the second you and your friends arrived, and they insisted you go talk to him. 

“Yeah, I spend a lot of time at the gym. I’m hoping to start boxing soon.” He was explaining to you as you were both walking along the beach. You nodded mindlessly, swirling around the beer in your plastic cup. “What about you? You in school, or anything?”

“Oh, I study environmental science.” You answered, then took a long sip of your beer, reveling in the way it burned your throat as it went down. Of course, because you couldn’t think of anything else, you couldn’t stop yourself from being reminded of your first date with him. 

Taehyun’s eyes lit up. “Oh wow, that’s so cool! What kind of job are you hoping to get with that?”

You shrugged, and took another drink of your beer. Jisu and Chaeryeong were going to regret letting you go off on your own later. “You know, I’m not totally sure. Some kind of environmental scientist or something.” 

He laughed, although you weren’t sure why, since it wasn’t meant to be a joke or anything. “You’re really funny, Y/N.”

“Thanks…?” You glanced over at him with furrowed eyebrows. “People call me a lot of things, but I don’t think funny is a really common one.” 

“Oh really? What do they call you?” He asked, clearly amused. 

“You know… Smart, nice, pretty…” You flashed him a smile, unsure where this flirty side of you was coming from. It was probably a combination of the alcohol and your desperation to get Yeonjun off of your mind. 

“Ah, I can definitely see why they might call you those things.” He replied smoothly, and bumped his shoulder against your own. Instinctively, you glanced over your shoulder, searching for Jisu and Chaeryeong somewhere. Although, you wished you hadn’t. 

“What? What’s wrong?” Taehyun asked when you stopped dead in your tracks. 

You dropped your cup into the sand. 

You couldn’t believe the fucking audacity. There he was, with the most drop dead gorgeous girl you had seen in your entire life. You could barely see his face due to how far away he was, and the darkness blanketing the beach, but you could tell he was looking for someone—looking for you. 

To say you were panicked was an understatement. The second you saw his face, you were whipping around to face Taehyun. You could feel your breaths start to quicken, and your hand darted up to press against your chest. Hadn’t Jisu and Chaeryeong promised you that he wouldn’t be there? You were barely prepared for a night out without him, much less a night out with him. 

“Woah, are you alright?” Taehyun asked, gently taking hold of your arms like you might topple over—which, you probably might. 

“I—um, I need to get out of here.” You answered, the all too familiar feeling of tears forming in the corners of your eyes making an appearance. “Can you help me find my friends?” 

Taehyun nodded, starting to lead you in the direction of the fire without a question. You raised one of your hands in an attempt to block your face from view. He really was a sweet guy. It was too bad you were still very hooked on someone else. 

He slid an arm around your shoulder—likely in an attempt to comfort you rather than to try and flirt with you. At least you hoped that’s what it was. Your eyes landed on Chaeryeong, who was swaying in front of the bonfire with Seungmin’s arms around her waist, and let out a sigh of relief. You were almost there. 

Any efforts you made to hide your face from view proved to be futile, though. You discovered this when Taehyun suddenly let go of you, then you heard his body hit the sand. There was a collection of gasps, and you turned to see Yeonjun standing there, flexing his fingers. 

He punched him! He fucking punched him!

“What the fuck is your problem?!” You demanded, shoving his chest with as much force as you could muster so he stumbled backwards. 

“Hey, don’t touch him!” A feminine voice spoke up behind him, and you could physically feel your face pale. Karina. 

“Stop, it’s fine.” Yeonjun reassured her, then turned to look at you with narrowed eyes. “He was fucking all over you, Y/N.” 

“No he wasn’t!” You spat back at him as you helped Taehyun to his feet. “Besides, even if he was, you don’t get to fucking care. Not anymore.” 

Karina was visibly confused, but you didn’t really care right now. You were too busy focusing on not crying, and instead appearing as intimidating as possible. 

“Y/N, let’s just go talk for a minute, please let me explain—“ 

“No! I don’t need you to explain, Yeonjun, I understand perfectly fucking well. You were fighting with your girlfriend, you were on a break, and in a desperate attempt to get some action this summer, you lied to me and told me you loved me.”

Okay, now you were definitely crying. 

“Jun? What is she talking about?” Karina asked slowly, looking over at her boyfriend with wide eyes. 

He didn’t look at her, though. Instead, he had his eyes trained on you, lips pressed tightly together. 

“See? You can’t even try to tell me it’s not true. Just stay away from me, Yeonjun.” You snapped, and turned away from him before he could see you cry any more. 

As you stormed away from the bonfire—heading god knows where—you couldn’t hold back your tears anymore. You were drunk, and sobbing, and overall in the worst emotional distress you never imagined could be possible. Your head was spinning as you stomped away, barely able to keep yourself standing from the way your ankles kept twisting in the sand. 

Miserable didn’t even begin to describe how you were feeling. You still weren’t sure where in the world you were going, but all you knew was you needed to get far, far away from that place. Far away from your friends who had pressured you into coming out tonight; far from Taehyun, who was too kind to you for you to be able to handle. And most of all, you needed to be far away from Choi Yeonjun. 

Just a week earlier, you couldn’t imagine being apart from him for more than a few minutes. Now, though, you couldn’t imagine being around him for more than a second. All it took was one look at him for you to be overwhelmed with heartache. 

“Y/N!” 

Of course. 

You didn’t have to look back to know who was jogging up behind you. “I told you to stay away from me!” Your voice cracked as you shouted back at him. 

“Y/N, you’re stumbling all over the place, let me help you before you fall!” You felt his hands grab ahold of your arms in an attempt to steady you, and for a second—just for a second—you could feel yourself melt into the familiar touch. But, it only lasted a second. 

“Don’t touch me!” You screamed, and finally turned around to face him. His expression was wracked with guilt, and you almost felt bad. Almost. “You promised me, Yeonjun! You fucking promised me!” You jabbed a finger into his chest as the words tumbled out of your mouth. 

“I know, I know, and I’m so sorry Y/N, I’m so fucking sorry.” He ran a hand through his dark hair, and you could see the tears slipping onto his cheeks catch the moonlight. “I was going to tell you everything, I was—“

“Did I mean anything to you, Yeonjun? Or was I just another conquest to keep your summer interesting?” 

His eyes widened. “Did you mean anything—of course you did, Y/N—I mean, you do.” He told you, and his hand cupped your cheek. You didn’t fight his touch, this time. “I wasn’t lying when I told you I love you. I do, Y/N, I love you.” 

You couldn’t look him in the eyes. “If you really love me, why did you let me fall in love with you, knowing that you were never going to be mine?” 

“I am yours, Y/N! I’ve been yours since the first night I showed up outside your house. I knew that night that I was done with Karina, I just want you.” He was pleading with you, his thumb stroking your cheek as he tried to get you to look at him. 

“How—how am I supposed to trust you, Yeonjun? How do I know you’re not lying to me again?”

He shook his head, tucking his bottom lip between his teeth. “I-I don’t know, Y/N. If you just give me one more chance, let me prove myself to you—“ 

You pulled his hand off your cheek. “No, Yeonjun. I already gave you a chance. I told you about my dad, and how badly it fucked me up, just for you to turn me into the other woman.”

“You are not the other woman, babe, you’re so much more than that.” His whole face was wet with tears, and you imagined yours looked the same. Glimmering under the moonlight, it might look beautiful if it wasn’t for the context. 

“I’m sorry, Yeonjun. I love you, I really do, but I can’t. So please just let me go.” 

A small part of you wished he had fought for you. If he begged for you to forgive him just a little bit longer, you probably would have given in. You were so desperately in love with him, you probably would have taken him back and one day been able to put this entire thing behind you. When he gave you a defeated nod, though, you felt your heart sink. 

“Okay. Okay. But, please, Y/N, just don’t ever think I don’t love you, or that everything I said to you was a lie. Because it wasn’t. I love you.”

Every time he said those three words, it was like a knife to your heart. Every time, your whole summer together replayed in your head, from the moment you two talked at the bonfire, to the moment Beomgyu said Karina’s name. How had it all fallen apart so easily? How could two people who loved each other so much end up like this?

You knew things were over between the two of you. As badly as it hurt, and as badly as you didn’t want things to be done, you knew they were. So, you decided to do one last thing. You stepped towards him, and gently cradled his face in your hands. 

“I know. I love you, too.” You whispered, then closed the distance between the two of you. 

If ever in your life you could choose one moment to frame in your mind forever, it would be that kiss. Even though your lips were both wet with tears, and you were still a bit drunk, it was still the most romantic moment of your entire life. His arms snaked around your waist and pulled you close to him, like if he tried enough, he could melt your bodies into one, and you’d never have to leave him. 

You knew, in that moment, you would never get over him. No matter how hard you tried, you would never be able to shake your connection to him. Even though he had put you through hell in the last week, he had also gifted you the best summer of your life. There would always be a part of you that loved him. 

As much as you never wanted to let go of him, you knew you had to eventually. So, you reluctantly pulled away from the kiss, and pressed your forehead against his. 

“Goodbye, Yeonjun.” This time, when you started to walk away, he didn’t try to stop you. 

That was the last time you saw Choi Yeonjun. 

FOUR MONTHS LATER…

YOU HADN’T MEANT TO KILL THE MOOD. Everyone had just finished their finals, which obviously meant it was time to go out and celebrate. Just like every other night throughout the semester, you hadn’t really been in the mood to go out, but Haeun insisted you go out tonight. 

“Look, I don’t know what in the hell happened to you this summer, but it’s been months! It’s time to get over it!” She had told you. “Please come do something fun with us! Just for tonight!” 

Haeun wasn’t exactly the kind of girl to take no for an answer. Even though you would much rather curl up on your bed and watch a drama on your laptop like you did the majority of your nights since you arrived on campus, you knew deep down you didn’t really have a choice. 

Which was how you ended up in some bar on the edge of campus. Haeun and her friends were going off about some girl they all seemed to hate, but you weren’t really paying much attention. You were a bit too preoccupied playing this little game with yourself where you drank as much as you could before anyone noticed and stopped you. 

“Did you see her newest Instagram post? She’s so lame.” Haeun’s friend, Choonhee leaned over to show Nari, who started laughing loudly. You had never really liked Haeun’s friends. They were too mean for your tastes. 

“Y/N~!” Haeun sang to you, leaning in close so only you would be able to hear her. “That guy over there has been checking you out all night.” 

You rolled your eyes, but followed her gaze anyway. Sure enough, there was a guy on the other end of the club, eyes trained on you as he took a sip of his drink. Immediately, you started shaking your head, and Haeun frowned. 

“Why notttt, Y/N? He’s cute, and you’re single, just go talk to him!” She whined at you. 

“I’m not interested, Haeun.” You took a drink of the cocktail you’d been working on. 

She groaned. “Why?! I know you’re shy, or whatever, but you’re about to graduate soon! And you can’t graduate as a virgin!” 

You choked on your drink, and she raised an eyebrow at you. “Unless… You’re not a virgin anymore…? Is that why you’ve been acting weird since this summer?” 

“I don’t want to talk about it.” You sighed. Great, now you were thinking about him again. And you did not want to be thinking about him again. “I’m gonna go get a shot. You want anything?” 

“No. And you don’t need another shot. Do you think I didn’t notice you downing drinks all night?” 

Choonhee and Nari started to quiet down, taking interest in your conversation with Haeun. 

“I’m fine, Haeun. I can handle my liquor.” You waved a hand at her as you started to stand up. Your skirt got caught on your chair, though, causing you to nearly fall down. You heard Chanhee and Nari start to giggle, and shot the two of them dirty looks. 

Haeun looked at you warily, then slowly stood as well. “Um, I actually forgot but Y/N has work tomorrow. So I think I’m gonna take her home.” 

Choonhee rolled her eyes. “Please. We’re trying to celebrate, we really don’t need her ruining the mood.” She said it in a hushed voice, like you might not be able to hear her. But, of course you did. 

You heard everything that people said about you. During your last week of the summer, before coming home, you heard Jisu and Chaeryeong whispering about you. Poor Y/N. When you were road tripping back home with your mom, and you were supposed to be asleep, you heard your mother talking about you. Poor Y/N. When you were supposed to meet Haeun for lunch, you heard her talking to Choonhee and Nari. She used to be so much more fun. 

You heard everything. 

Haeun led you out of the bar, before you got the urge to fight someone. Now that you were outside, with the cool air on your face, you realized just how much you had drunk. Your head was spinning, and you weren’t sure you were entirely conscious. It felt like your mind was on a completely different plane from your body. Still, though, as drunk as you were, you still couldn’t get him out of your mind.

As Haeun started to order an Uber, you couldn’t think of anything else better to do than to pull out your phone. Maybe you would text Chaeryeong and Jisu to tell them you missed them, or text your mom really quickly. But you weren’t able to do any of that. The lone notification staring up at you prevented any of that from happening.

Just your fucking luck. 

yeonjun

hey

You absolutely couldn’t believe it. That was all you got? A fucking hey?! After all that shit, he texted you hey? You had half a nerve to smash your phone onto the concrete. 

But, before you got the chance, the Uber that Haeun ordered rolled up against the sidewalk. You stumbled into the backseat next to Haeun, who you could tell was a little bothered by your behavior. You really hadn’t meant to ruin her night. Even though she was the one who had insisted you go out with them that night, she still didn’t deserve to deal with you when you were acting like this. 

You turned on your phone again to stare at the message. 

hey

You hated him. You hated him for waiting until now to text you—you hated him for texting you at all! He should have just left you alone. He single-handedly ruined your night, and probably your whole week with that text message. Most of all, you hated him because you missed him. So bad. 

You didn’t remember when you started crying. But you did. One minute you were fine, blinking at your screen blankly. And suddenly your cheeks were wet, and tears had dropped down onto your phone. Your vision was becoming foggy, but you were still able to make out the contents of the notification. 

“Woah, are you okay?” Haeun asked, leaning forward to get a better look at you. 

“Fine!” You huffed, and wiped at your eyes. Your fingers moved faster than your brain did, and before you got the chance to consider if it was a good idea, you were dialing a number. 

One ring…

Two rings…

Three rings…

For eight rings, you sat there waiting for him to pick up. And he never did. Instead, you were sent to his voicemail. 

“Hey, this is Yeonjun. Sorry I missed you. Leave your name and number and I’ll give you a call back. Bye!” 

Just the pre recorded sound of his voice over your phone speaker made your chest tighten. The phone beeped, giving you the cue to start talking. You could feel Haeun’s stare burning holes into your head, like she was trying to figure out who in the world you were calling. 

“Really, Yeonjun? You text me, and can’t even answer the phone? You text me hey, and can’t pick up the phone? What’s your problem? By the way, what does that even mean?! Hey?! That’s all you have to say to me, after everything you did?” 

You could feel your voice cracking as you shouted into the phone. Haeun was visibly intrigued by your voicemail, leaning in closer to hear you better--as if your loud shouts weren’t occupying the entire vehicle.

“Whatever… Hey. I guess I just wanted to tell you that I… I hate you. I hate you Yeonjun, so fucking bad! When my dad cheated on my mom, and destroyed our family, I never thought that I could hate someone more than I hated him. But guess what, Yeonjun? You proved me wrong! So congratulations!” 

Your head was starting to pound--badly--so you leaned over to rest your head against the window. The few stray tears from before had developed into a full on rainstorm, coating your cheeks in salty wetness and worsening your headache. For a minute, you just sat there in silence, trying your best to keep your breathing steady. It wasn’t working. 

After your long silence, you finally sucked in a long, shaky breath, then spoke again. “I hate you because I gave you all of me. All of me. And you--you just threw it all away! Like it was just nothing to you!” By that point, you had forgotten all about the other people in the car with you. Now, it was just you, and Yeonjun. You didn’t care about Haeun sitting next to you, or the Uber driver listening in on the conversation. All you cared about was getting the words that had been weighing heavy against your chest for the last four months off of you. 

“You know what I hate most though, Yeonjun?” You asked, your trembling voice barely above a whisper. “I hate that even though you broke my promise, even though you were never truly mine… Even though I should hate you… I can’t. No matter how hard I try, I can’t bring myself to hate you. I think about you, all of the time. Even when Jeong Jaehyun, the hottest guy in our whole program asked me out on a date, I had to say no. Because I knew that he would never be you.”

A breathy laugh fights itself out of your lips. “I sound so fucking pathetic. And it’s because I am! I am fucking pathetic! But it’s all your fault! Because for whatever reason that I still can’t figure out, I love you. I still love you, so much, Yeonjun. Isn’t that just the worst thing you’ve ever heard?” 

There’s a tap on your shoulder, and when you glanced over at Haeun, you realized the car stopped. You looked out the window again to see you had already made it to your apartment complex. Jeez, how long had you been talking on the phone for?

“Shit. I’ve gotta go. Um, if you’re going to text me again, do more than just hit me with a hey. Or, I don’t know, call me. You know we’re way past sending each other heys.” 

You opened up the car door, mouthing a small “sorry” to Haeun. “We are so talking later!” She whisper-shouted back to you. You rolled your eyes as you stepped out of the car. You’d have to make sure Haeun gave that driver a nice tip later. 

“Okay. Goodbye, Yeonjun.” You said with a sigh, standing still on the pavement leading to your apartment as the car started to drive away. “I miss you.” You whispered, and finally ended the call. 

Luckily, your angry ranting over the phone had helped you to sober up enough that you made it into your apartment no problem. Your head was still spinning, though, and you practically fell onto your bed as you climbed into it. You were still drenched in makeup, and wearing the clubbing outfit Haeun had helped you pick out, but you were too tired to worry about all of that. You were ready to just pass out right then and there. 

Sprawled out across your mess of blankets, you could feel yourself drifting off to sleep. You knew you had messed up with that stupid voicemail, but you weren’t going to worry about it now. That was Sober Y/N’s problem to deal with. 

There was a familiar buzzing, though, and you were slowly pulled back into consciousness. Your hand grappled around your bed, trying to locate the source of the buzzing, then finally landed atop your phone. With a groggy groan, you rolled over onto your side, and held your phone in front of your face. Your eyes widened when you saw the caller ID. 

Should you answer? Or should you leave it be? You knew if you answered it, you were opening up a whole new door you weren’t sure you were ready for. Answering it was dangerous. If you ignored the call, you might finally be able to start your journey of moving on forever. You might finally have the chance of leaving him behind. Either way, this phone call was a very decisive moment for you. Whatever you decided to choose, you knew it was going to change your relationship with him forever. 

So, what would it be? Would you open that door, or leave it shut forever? Deep down, before you even made your decision, you knew what you were going to do. 

Your phone stopped buzzing. 

It was quiet. 

And then… 

“Hey, Y/N.” 

You smiled. 

“Hey, Yeonjun.” 

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[i-can-sabotage-me-bi-myself]

How'd We End Up Like This?

AO3

Wattpad

Chapters: 1/?

Word Count: 1.3K

Fandom: Biohazard | Resident Evil (Gameverse)

Rating: Mature

Warnings: canon-typical violence, swearing, slight nsfw, RE4 Remake spoilers

Pairing: Leon S. Kennedy/female!reader

Summary: The reader is struck by some mysterious aching in her back during her and Leon's mission to save the President's daughter. The pain is revealed to be something far greater than she anticipated. Will this jeopardize her relationship with Leon?

Chapter 1: The Village

It happened on one of your missions. Of course it did. 

You were slower with your reflexes to attacks. As an agent in STRATCOM, this was highly unusual. Your partner and lover, Leon, had noticed, while the two of you were on your mission in Spain. 

You first took notice to the slow reactions when doing, or trying, a roundhouse kick on a Ganado at the lakeside settlement. Your body decided nope, you're not doing that, and surprisingly, you agreed. The act of even attempting it sent a rigid feeling, or perhaps a pretty nasty sting, to your back.

When you stopped to catch your breath, one Ganado lunged for your throat. You repeatedly punched the bastard to death, with little to no trouble. However, unbeknownst to you, there were two others behind you. One Ganado kicked the back of your knees, and before you could even react, you were pinned to the ground, and they kicked you. In the back. Repeatedly. 

They were possessed but that didn't make them stupid, you supposed. They must have noticed your reaction to the pain in your back, which was now being beaten like a fucking punching bag. 

Despite it hurting like a bitch, you're able to unsheathe your combat knife, and roll over to swipe at their legs. Before you can whip out your handgun, two shots ring out, and the two Ganados promptly drop dead. Leon helps you up, grasping your arms ever so delicately. 

"You alright?" 

"Yeah. Yeah, I'm good." You answer, slightly out of breath. Leon only nods, looking back ahead on the path, but you don't miss the concerned look that grazes his features. 

This has never happened before. What the fuck is going on with me? 

* 

Despite the occasional flash of pain that inflicted your back, you carried on with the mission. You and Leon had gotten split up at the lakeside settlement shortly after your beating.  

You knew Leon could handle himself, but at one point, he was radio silent for hours. You'd shared your concerns with Hunnigan, and she agreed it was unusual. Eventually, he came to, to your relief. 

"Leon, are you alright? You haven't made contact with me for hours." You couldn't mask the fear that surfaced in your voice.

"Yeah, I'm okay. Was busy making sushi. It won't happen again." He must have been referencing that giant fucking creature in the lake that you saw villagers getting eaten by earlier. Well, at least you got someplace to start looking for Leon. 

"Okay. Don't do that again, love." 

"Wouldn't dream of it, sweetheart." 

* 

Eventually you both reunited and retrieved the pieces to obtain the church key. Fucking finally. 

The two of you rescued Ashley and were headed to the extraction point. It was fairly easy to get to the Villa, but an unfamiliar face ushered the three of you inside, away from the Ganados on your tail. 

Leon, to say the least, was pissed at this dude and pushed him against the wall. You couldn't help the slight arousal that shot to your core seeing him like this, wishing it was you in this unknown man's position. But there was no time for that now. Ashley needed to be taken to safety and there was a huge fight approaching you guys and the rest of the village. 

Once introducing yourselves to one Luis Sera, save for Leon, Ashley went into hiding and the three of you started blocking the windows and readying your weapons. 

As if this mission couldn't get any more difficult, the Villa was quickly swarmed by villagers and eventually, a fucking Brute out of all things busts in. 

"Fuck my life!" you curse out in frustration, reloading your pistol. 

"Language, señorita!" Luis shouts at you, jokingly. Somehow through all the chaos, he was able to hear you. 

"Shut it, you." you snap back. That was weird. I don't tend to be that snippy. Probably just stress from the mission. 

"Yikes, sorry." he responded immediately. You felt a slight pang of guilt, but that was quickly replaced by the renewed determination to get out of this hellhole. Noticing Leon slowly getting cornered by the brute, and the second floor being crowded with Plaga Guadañas, you pull out two flash grenades from your belt. 

"Flash grenades coming!" you shout, pulling pins on both grenades, and throw one to the brute, and one to the Guadañas. The Plaga Guadañas promptly die, and the brute is temporarily incapacitated. Given the opportunity, Leon blasts four shotgun shells into it, and finally, fucking finally, it drops dead. 

The Ganados kept coming in waves, and there seemed to be no end to it. 

"Hey! This way! Hurry!" Ashley opens a door leading to an escape. 

The four of you get the bat out of hell, but only for a moment. You all reach the end of a bridge, still having Ganados chasing you. You notice chains keeping up a gate, and promptly shoot it, causing the gate to drop on an unfortunate villager. 

You all take a moment to catch your breath, and then Ashley starts coughing. Coughing up blood. 

"Ashley?!" You hear Leon voicing your same concern. 

"Wh-What's happening to me?" she trembles. 

Luis quickly approaches her, looking like he knows what's up. 

"Ashley, is this the first time you've coughed up blood like this?" she only nods, and before you can even ask, Leon beats you to the punch. 

"You wanna start explaining?" 

Luis reveals that Ashley is infected with a plaga, and she could end up like those villagers, but there is a cure. You notice Leon's reaction to this; him clenching his fist, looking down at his arm. What's that about? You wonder, sorta worried, but maybe that's just you being a doting partner. Yeah, that's probably it.

Hopefully, the three of you can find that cure in time. 

Luis leaves shortly after this revelation, claiming that the reason for his assistance is that it "makes him feel better." About what exactly? This mission is leaving you with more questions than answers. You knew this wasn't gonna be a simple mission, but you wish it was. 

After a briefing with Hunnigan, which left some more bad news, you all start moving again. You didn't get very far, as that pain in your back came back, which oddly enough, afflicted your lower abdomen as well. 

Leon and Ashley turn to you when they hear your sharp gasp, to see you clutching your lower back and your other hand resting on your abdomen. The two swiftly approach you, Leon especially. 

"You okay?" Ashley asks, concerned. 

"Yeah, it's just my back hurting from earlier." 

"Earlier?" Ashley presses further. 

"Two Ganados got the jump on me and kicked the shit out of my back." 

"...Jesus. Are you okay to move?" 

"Yeah, don't worry about me. Let's keep going." 

"Hold on. Ashley, could you give me a minute with her?" Leon directs his gaze to you, failing to mask any concern from his features. 

"O-Of course." 

Checking to see the two of you are at a safe distance from Ashley, Leon begins his questioning. 

"Are you sure you're alright?" He gently caresses your left arm, the two of you in closer proximity to each other. You sigh. 

"I'm okay, Leon. Let's just worry about her." You nod your head in her direction, maintaining eye contact with him. You bring his hand to you, gripping it firmly in your hands. "I'll tell you if something is wrong." You gently kiss his knuckles, and trace along his forearm. You sneak a glance at it to see what he was looking at moments earlier, only to find nothing unusual. 

"It's just-" 

"I'll be okay, mon cœur.” 

Sighing, Leon brings his hand to your face, letting it linger, with his eyes searching yours for any hint of a lie, only to find none. He lets his hand drop, and he starts walking along the path, with you and Ashley following suit. 

***

I hope y'all liked this! Stay tuned for more :P

Taglist (Lemme know if any of y'all would like to be tagged!):

@so-mordor-itis

[riversofmars]

Rare Pear March - Day 28

Prompt: Reunions

Pairing: Liv Chenka/Helen Sinclair

Rating: G

Summary: Once reunited with Helen after Rykerzon, Liv is looking for the right moment to confess her feelings for her.

Read on AO3 or below

It's Good To Be Home

“Since we’re all together again, let’s go somewhere special!” The Doctor announced with excitement as he started working the controls of the TARDIS. “Helen, Liv-” He started to explain but then thought better of it: “No, it’ll be a surprise,” he grinned while his companions exchanged curious and amused glances.

“It would be a surprise if we landed where we were supposed to,” Liv commented teasingly but the Doctor flat out ignored her.

“Thank you, Doctor,” Helen chuckled and looking around the control room and in between her two best friends she summised: “It’s good to be home!”

“The place is not the same without you,” Liv replied and took a step closer to her. For a moment she contemplated reaching for her hand, or even to pull her into a hug but she didn’t dare. She would be content to stay close to her. After the long time apart, the anxious worry for her safety and the dangerous search, she was beyond relieved that they had made it here, now, all of them together again in the TARDIS.

“Do you think I could just… pop to my room, get a change of clothes before we head off to our next adventure, myself stop for a cup of tea or-” Helen asked as the TARDIS launched.

“Of course we can,” the med-tech nodded quickly while the Doctor just looked around confused:

“But I-” He started to protest.

“We’re in a time machine, Doctor, we have time,” Liv interjected quickly and firmly, which left Doctor with no other choice but to agree.

“Of course. Off you pop. I will run some more scans, really make sure there is nothing to worry about with those creatures we saw,” he waved and working the controls prevented their landing at their next destination. There was nothing wrong with floating around open space for a while.

“Thank you,” Helen smiled gratefully.

“Is it okay if I come with you?” Liv asked slowly when the linguist turned to leave the control room. She wasn’t ready to part with her just yet. Or ever , she added without voicing her thoughts.

“Of course it is, why wouldn’t it be?” The linguist smiled brightly at her and gestured for her best friend to come along.

“No, I just… didn’t know if you wanted your space or-” The med-tech explained quickly and followed her. They fell into comfortable step with each other once she’d caught up to her.

“I’ve had space for six months, Liv. I’m glad for the company,” Helen chuckled light-heartedly. “Your company especially.”

“Good, well, great, me too,” Liv gave back and pushed her hands into her pockets to resist the urge of flinging them around her best friend. “Like I said, the place wasn’t the same without you…” Her words came out clunky, like she wanted to say more but couldn’t. There was so much more she wanted to say but now that it came to it, she didn’t know how and where to start.

In the time they had been split up, Liv had spent hours thinking about the things she would do when she found her best friend again. Imagining their reunion had been what kept her going through the twists and turns their search had taken. If she hadn’t been aware of her budding romantic feelings before, she certainly had become so during their time apart. She had promised herself that she would tell her once they were reunited but now that it came to it, she was lacking the words for it. She didn’t know where to even start outside of “I missed you” and “It’s good to have you back.” Her tense posture and sudden silence were clearly not lost on the linguist.

“Liv, is everything okay?” Helen prompted. “You’re acting strangely… I thought you… I thought you believe me… that I was me and…” As her mind seemed to make unfounded leaps, entertaining thoroughly unfounded fears and Liv quickly intervened:

“Of course I do!” She countered firmly. It had absolutely nothing to do with the Sonomancer’s powers, whether her best friend still possessed them or not. She really couldn’t care less. She trusted her with her life and nothing could change that.

“What is it then?” The linguist frowned, sensing her uneasiness.

“It’s, uh-” Liv mumbled, she scratched the back of her head awkwardly with a phantom itch and blushed a little. “It’s just something I promised myself I would do if - WHEN - I found you…”

“Oh? What’s that?” Helen asked curiously and glanced at her as they made their way down the familiar corridors.

“I-” The med-tech started, taking a deep breath, then faltered as her mind blanked, despite her determination. “Oh, that’s harder than I thought…” She groaned to herself.

“The Doctor said you’d made him promise to take you to me,” the linguist recalled, seemingly trying to give her space to gather her thoughts.

“I did,” Liv nodded in confirmation as that was something she could answer. “I just wish we had been quicker about it.”

“Me too…” Helen sighed wistfully. She reached out, grabbed hold of her best friend's hand for a moment. “But I never gave up hope, I knew you were coming for me.” She emphasised her words with a tight squeeze.

“I’d always come for you, wherever you are!” The med-tech replied quickly and returned the gesture. She wanted to hold on to her hand, marvelled at how well it fit into hers but the linguist let go in order to open the door to her room.

“In the meantime, what has been going on in this place?” She questioned as they stepped inside and looked around utterly confused. “What happened to my bedroom?” The place was a mess and Liv’s face fell with the realisation that she had been so caught up in their rescue attempt and seeing Helen again, she had forgotten to tidy up the mess she had made.

“Oh- uh- well-” The med-tech blushed furiously in embarrassment.

“I’m sure I didn’t leave it in a mess such as this,” Helen frowned and started picking up clothes from the floor, most of which weren’t her own.

“No, you probably didn’t…” Liv rushed to her help quickly, grabbed the pile of clothes out of her arms and started picking up more. “I’ll tidy it all up, I promise, I just…” She didn’t look at her, just gathered her possessions as quickly.

“Have you been staying in my room, Liv?” The linguist asked as the deduction was inevitable.

“I-” The med-tech couldn’t come up with an excuse and talk her way out of it, the evidence was conclusive by the way the bedsheets were ruffled and her pyjamas lay abandoned among them. So she opted for a truthful explanation: “I… I just really missed you,” she admitted and quickly grabbed the damned PJs. Arm full of clothes, she turned to face her best friend but couldn’t meet her eyes. She confessed: “And being in here made me feel closer to you.”

“Oh Liv,” Helen’s voice and expression softened.

“Sorry. I shouldn’t have done that. If that makes you feel uncomfortable, I didn’t think-” Liv mumbled awkwardly. She really hadn’t thought about it at the time. She had simply longed to feel close to her in her absence. Being among her things, flicking through the books she knew she loved and lying in the bed that still smelled of her, had been what she had needed. She hadn’t stopped to consider how Helen would feel about it.

“Liv, why would I mind?” The linguist asked gently and when Liv looked up, she found no discomfort or upset in her friend’s face, just wonder and an incredible softness.

“I- I don’t know, I just-” She stuttered in response. She was relieved that she wasn’t angry but also surprised. If the situation had been reversed and the Doctor slept in her bed and left the place a mess, Liv would have gone mental at him. Had Helen slept in her bed, however… but then, she had feelings for the linguist that exceeded friendship.

“I wish I had had something of yours when I was in Rykerzon…” Helen said, interrupting her train of thoughts.

“You do?” Liv raised her eyebrows and hugged her pile of clothes closer to herself. It was a statement she hadn’t expected and didn’t know what to do with.

“Yes, it’s comforting, like you said. I would have liked that reminder,” the linguist carried on. “Maybe I’ll just keep one of the many jumpers you have left around the place,” she pulled a jumper off the top of the pile in Liv’s arms.

“If you want,” the med-tech replied trying to sound indifferent while her heart picked up speed at the thought of seeing Helen wear a jumper of hers.

“What was the thing you promised you would do once you found me?” Helen asked as they stood awkwardly for a moment. “I don’t think it was tidying up my room again… You can put that down, you know,” she prompted, gesturing at her pile.

“I-” Liv dropped her gaze and used the moment in which she dumped the clothes on a chair to gather her thoughts. It was now or never. It was the perfect opportunity. Surely, Helen had to suspect something by now. You wouldn’t sleep in your friend’s bed for no reason. And perhaps she was trying to encourage her by claiming a jumper of hers in return. It certainly gave her pause. “There’s something I’ve been wanting to tell you,” the med-tech managed at last.

“Did something happen while I was away?” Helen frowned and Liv chuckled:

“Other than me being a complete pain in the arse for the Doctor?” She grinned, recalling how she had been on his case the entire time until they had finally reached Rykerzon. “No, that’s not it.”

“Then what is it?” The linguist prompted gently, seemingly sensing her continued hesitation. “You know you can tell me anything. Very little can shock me now, having done time in a mental asylum. So whatever news, I won’t-” She carried on to try and reassure her but with every word, the pressure simply weighed on Liv harder.

“How about the fact that I’m in love with you?” It burst out of her at last and Helen fell quiet. Before the awkward silence could engulf them, the med-tech carried on, panicking: “I realise that you probably won’t feel the same way and that is perfectly fine, but I need you to know that. I need you to understand how much I missed you and why I will always find you wherever you are and why-” She started babbling like a waterfall, hoping against hope that Helen wouldn’t be angry, that she wouldn’t be uncomfortable, that they could carry on as they were.

“-why you slept in my bed while I wasn’t here?” Helen completed her sentence for her.

“Yes,” Liv averted her eyes, wringing her hands together anxiously. “I’m in love with you. There. I’ve said it. I’ve kept my promise. I have no expectations, I just- I just wanted you to know. And now you do. Make of it what you will,” she finished and let go a deep breath. It was done and that was a good thing, she decided. It didn’t do to have secrets, not in a friendship as close as theirs. She could only hope that that friendship would continue and that she hadn’t ruined what they had, right after she had just gotten her back.

“Can I make of it that it would be okay if I kissed you?” Helen asked softly and Liv’s eyes shot up.

”Huh?” She didn’t have a more eloquent response than that. She simply stared at her best friend who closed the short space between them and gently took her face in her hands.

“I’ll take that as a yes,” the linguist smiled at her speechlessness and pressed their lips together.

For a moment, Liv couldn’t think. She simply, instinctively, reached out and grabbed onto Helen’s shoulders for support. The kiss didn’t last long, it was chaste and lovely but so full of adoration and promise that it left the med-tech wide-eyed and overwhelmed.

“So you’re-” She didn’t have words. It seemed as if all at once, her dreams had been realised. Helen was smiling at her with so much love radiating from her bright eyes, it took her breath away. The linguist simply pulled her close into a tight embrace and rested her head against hers.

“I’ve had six months by myself, Liv. Plenty of time to work through all sorts of feelings,” she explained softly. “And since I didn’t have anything of yours, all I could do was think about you. And the Doctor, too, of course but… things became pretty clear very quickly. Thinking about you got me through the worst of it. You’re the reason why I didn’t give up. You just try and try again, you never give up until you’ve exhausted every option, so that’s what I did, too,” she pulled back a little to look at her and Liv realised there were tears in her eyes. Quickly she reached up, stroking her thumbs over her cheeks, catching them as they fell. “So in a way, you saved me, without even realising it. If it hadn’t been for your determined advice, I would never have survived,” Helen smiled at her gratefully.

“I don’t know what I would have done if you hadn’t,” Liv whispered and her throat closed up at the thought that had kept her awake so many nights. That had made her seek out the comfort of her bed in the first place. She had lain awake, terrified that she would never see her again and buried into the sheets, hugging them close to her chest.

“Fortunately, you won’t have to find out. I’m right here,” Helen interrupted her spiralling thoughts with another soft kiss that made Liv forget about everything that had come before. The linguist was fine. She was here. And she was kissing her. Things couldn’t be better. Until Helen pulled away and gave her arm a playful slap. “You are a messy sod though, that’s gonna have to change,” she pointed out and pulled away to go and make the bed.

“What? Why?” Liv frowned, disappointed for a moment..

“Well, if you’re planning on sleeping over more often…” Helen winked and left Liv at a loss for words.

[andromedasstarship]

in the stars - chapter 3

photo credit - unknown 

pairing - aaron hotchner x reader

warnings - canon-typical criminal minds violence, stalking, depictions of murder/violence, angst, verbal fighting, drinking, unhealthy coping mechanisms, smoking (cigarettes) 

summary -  “If you’re upset over how I ended our relationship, that is completely separate from the dealings of the case and I expect you to be able to conduct yourself appropriately.” Aaron said and you thought this was what ‘seeing red’ meant

a/n - hi besties! im so sorry this update took so long! i really wanted to make it perfect and was struggling with putting this together. to make it up this chapter is a whopping 5.9k words so uh enjoy lol!

masterlist // series masterlist // read it on ao3

chapter 2 // chapter 4

-----

You had to physically stop yourself- gripping the desk chair beside you so hard your knuckles turned white- from following Aaron out the office door and demanding he make sense of the whole good cop- ha!- bad cop show he’d been putting on since the two of you had been horribly reunited outside of the police station. 

This had been the second instance of him implying or accusing you of somehow worsening the case. And he hadn’t even been in LA for over 24hrs. It wasn’t fair, you thought, angrily grumbling to yourself about all the different ways you’d love to give him a piece of your mind. If he’d been a regular man, that you’d never met before, you probably wouldn’t consider his current behavior to be so- out of pocket? disgraceful? insulting?- offensive. You knew he had a reputation for being...,a hardass on the job, but that didn’t mean he had to go overboard in his treatment towards you. Maybe he wasn’t going overboard, maybe this was just how he treated every- you weren’t sure exactly how to define yourself in the case- witness? Maybe this is just what his team expected in terms of his behavior towards people he didn’t know.

But he did know you, he knew you quite well. He knew you well enough to know you’d never purposely attempt to slow the case down. Even without his fancy profiler skills, you were certain Aaron Hotchner knew every little thing about you. Or at least he used to. 

And while Aaron may know everything there was to know about you, you were beginning to doubt if you actually knew anything about him. As expected, over the past two months the case had been taking an extreme toll on you; constantly looking over your shoulder and worrying that someone was lurking behind every corner. What made it worse, was that it was yet another situation that required you to keep a secret. You ‘had’ the officers at the station and your agent, but besides them you were dealing with this completely on your own. Making the situation about yourself felt wrong, but you couldn’t even begin to explain how hurt you felt at Aaron's accusations that you were somehow more part of the problem than you were a victim. Yes, you hadn’t gone up to him and explicitly told him how badly you were hurting, but it’s not like it took a genius- or a profiler- to reach that conclusion themselves. 

It hurt, to have someone whose validation you had once- still did- crave so much, suddenly act as if you were a ‘bad guy’. Maybe you were being dramatic, you thought. Maybe you were overreacting and reading far too deep into such short interactions. On the other hand, you reasoned that it was perfectly acceptable to have feelings. Before you could delve deeper into that mental tirade, a sharp knock on the doorframe grabbed your attention. Looking up, you saw JJ leaning halfway into the room. 

“Sorry,” you said, awkwardly letting go of the chair, “I uh, got caught up with uh, just you know, thoughts about the case!” Smooth. You tried to put a cheery tone in your voice. You tried to subtly study her reaction as you walked over to her and it was clear she wasn’t exactly buying into your sudden happy attitude. She didn’t press you though, something you were grateful for. Instead she just moved out of the doorframe, letting you join her in the hallway. 

“The rest of the team has split up already, would you like to start in the basement?” JJ asked. You had only spoken to her a couple times, briefly at that, but you already found great comfort in her presence; you could see why she held the position, her ability to comfort and connect with others was unbeatable. Definitely need to send JJ a case of wine as a gift. 

You nodded dumbly, joining her in the hallway and taking her down towards your basement. Internally, you guessed the little ‘tour’ would only take an hour tops, considering all the little spiels you’d have to give about each room. 

You felt a bit like when you went through airport security or when a police car was on a road you were driving on. That sinking feeling that somehow you were going to get in trouble even though you knew you didn’t have anything to hide. Damn Aaron. His apparent lowly opinion of you was definitely messing with your head. Oh well. 

As you lead JJ towards the basement, you could vaguely hear the other agents throughout the house. A door opening here or the sound of papers rustling over there. You hadn’t exactly asked how they would be able to tell if something was missing or out of place. But honestly? You didn’t really care what the team did in your house, as long as they figured out how the unsub had gotten in there. 

You’d already come to terms with the fact that the unsub had managed to steal your clothes and jewelry, but you just couldn’t shake the fact that he had gotten into your house. Part of you secretly wished he had pick-pocketed you on a busy street or was stealing stuff off a film set instead. It would’ve been equally as bad and creepy and horrifying, but it would’ve been worth still feeling safe in your own house. 

Smacking the lightswitch on the wall behind you, the entire basement became illuminated. “So,” you started, really drawing out the word, “this is the basement. It’s technically one big open floor, but well,” you gestured lazily with your hand, “you can see it’s kinda still split up. There’s a movie room behind those doors right there.” 

JJ stepped ahead of you, walking towards the high windows in the basement. You watched as she ran her fingers along the window edges, carefully going over each one. “Do these open?” She asked, turning back to look at you. 

You quickly shook your head. “They’re mostly just for, like, decoration purposes.” You responded, giving a slight shrug. “I um, I’m not down here much unless I’m having people over. And those stairs we came down are the only way to get in here.” You added, thinking that’d probably be helpful. 

JJ gave you that nice smile again and started towards the movie room. “I’m just gonna look in here real quick and then we can go back upstairs, okay?” 

You stood awkwardly at the bottom of the stairs, rolling back and forth from your heels to your tippy toes, awkwardly playing with your hands in front of yourself. You knew her movie room scan wouldn’t take wrong, there were zero windows in there and no other point of entry besides the door she had walked through. 

Just as you expected, JJ came back out no longer than five minutes later. Once she got closer to you, you turned slowly on your heel and started back up the stairs. “We can start upstairs and then meet the rest of your team on the main level?” You offered.

“Lead the way.” 

“There’s um, two ways to get upstairs. There’s that main staircase you saw in the foyer and also there’s a ‘servants stair’ in the back,” you said, making air quotes with your fingers at the ‘servants stair’ part, “I have people that work in the house sometimes, but it’s not an actual designated staircase for anyone.” You explained, unsure of why you were feeling so anxious. 

“Why don’t we go up using the second set of stairs? Since I’ve already seen the main set.” JJ said. 

You nodded dumbly again, and walked in the direction of the back stairs. Once upstairs, you gave the same room spiel to JJ about six times. This is ‘x’ room, yep those windows can open, nope no one regularly comes into this room, yes the balcony doors do lock from the inside. 

Just as you thought earlier, the little tour took just a couple minutes under an hour. You and JJ were standing in your kitchen, both of you leaning against opposite countertops. According to JJ the whole team had agreed to meet up in your kitchen once they were done with their scans, so it seemed that you two were the first to finish. Also expected. 

You were lucky you hadn’t run into Aaron the entire time. At times you could vaguely hear his voice coming from another room and all that did was pull on your heartstrings and remind you of when the two of you were together. Aside from the sadness factor, you still weren’t sure you could trust yourself to not yell at him as soon as you saw him again. 

“That’s funny.” JJ said amusedly-more to herself than to you-, pulling you out of your thoughts. 

“What is?” You asked. She had moved from her spot by the countertops, to standing in front of your liquor wall, staring up at a bottle you couldn’t quite recognize from your position. 

“Oh, just Agent Hotchner? Out there,” she said, gesturing broadly out to where the rest of the team might be, “he loves this brand of scotch. We joke sometimes that he’d pick it over us if he was given the choice. But apparently it’s super difficult to get. He started getting lucky a few years ago and found a way to buy it, but recently I guess that luck ran out and he hasn’t been able to find it anymore.” 

Your eyes went wide at that. Yes. That scotch was super difficult to get and it was ridiculously expensive. And yes, Aaron loved the stuff. The two of you used to constantly argue over money. He hated that you were always the one paying for everything and had created a ‘rule’ that you weren’t allowed to buy him any gifts. Of course, you managed to find a way around that rule and found that this specific scotch was his gift achilles heel. So, you used to send him a steady supply while also keeping a bottle at your place for the rare occasions he was over. 

“Oh?” You squeaked. 

“Yeah, it’s super rare or something. They only make so many batches a year don’t they?” JJ asked, turning back to look at you. 

You quickly pulled your emotions in when she turned towards you, just giving her your third dumb nod of the day. “Yep, super hard to get. Super super hard. I uh, got as a gift once, I don’t even like the stuff.” 

“You should tell Hotch. I bet he’d pay pretty well for it.” She said with a laugh, shaking her head. Definitely will not be doing that. 

----

Upstairs, Rossi and Hotch were looking through your upstairs office. While your downstairs office was more work based- you stored scripts and had meetings down there, etc.-, your upstairs office was used for your more ‘personal’ work tasks. 

“If the unsub is taking her clothes, we might have better success scoping out her closet. See the potential entry and exit points from her room that the unsub must be taking.” Rossi proposed. 

Hotch nodded at that, putting down the stack of fan mail he’d been flipping through, trying to find any repeats or ‘creepy’ letters. He made a mental note to have Reid come and read through the piles of other mail you had neatly stacked around the room.

Your attention to fanmail had been one of the things that had quickened the process of him falling in love with you. He had had his doubts in the beginning of you relationship- he had stereotyped you for sure-, your age and status giving him somewhat valid concerns that you’d be insanely disconnected from the normal world. You’d proved him wrong in many ways since the beginning, but one of those ways had been the many days you’d call him from this room, reading through every single letter you were sent and always making sure to send a small note back. 

“Good idea, let’s go.” Hotch said. He walked out of office and didn’t think twice, his body automatically walking towards the room a few doors down from your bedroom. You didn’t keep your closet in your bedroom, you had actually put a little couch and sitting room in your bedroom closet space. Instead you’d taken an entire guest room and converted it into a full dressing room/closet that was a better fit for your needs. 

As Hotch went straight into the room, he missed the narrow look Rossi was giving him from the doorframe. It only took a couple minutes, but eventually Hotch looked up, cocking an eyebrow at Rossi. “Are you going to come in?” He questioned. 

“You knew her closet wasn’t in her room.” Rossi noted, amusement clear in his voice. 

Hotch’s face paled, before he steeled his emotions back over. “I saw the clothes while walking past earlier and made the deduction.” 

“She’s pretty, isn’t she Aaron?” Rossi teased, clearly finding a lot of enjoyment in this conversation. 

“Dave,” Hotch groaned, running a hand over his face, “just, not now okay?” He asked, the desperation clear in his voice. 

Rossi certainly didn’t have the entire story figured out, but he wasn’t dumb either, he could piece things together. As much as he’d love to keep busting Hotch over this, there was something about how gentle he had been with you in the conference room and his current clear discomfort that persuaded Rossi otherwise. Rossi grinned at Hotch and raised his hands in mock surrender. 

“So, we know the unsub doesn’t have to necessarily be quiet, her room is at least what, 3-”

“Four and across the hall.” Hotch huffed out, not looking up to meet Rossi’s eyes.

“Four and across the hall away. So he doesn’t need to sneak past her if he’s coming in at night...” 

----

Back in the kitchen, you turned your head at the sound of the back patio doors opening, showing Morgan and Spencer. Guess they’d be the second pair done with their house tour. 

Just as you were about to open your mouth and offer the two of them something to drink, you noticed the rather grim expressions on both their faces. Upon better inspection, you saw Spencer was tightly gripping on to a dirty journal. 

“What’s that?” You asked curiously, trying to get a better look at it. 

“I found this uh, journal out by the edge of your property line. I think it may belong to the unsub.” Reid responded, giving you a tight lipped look. 

It was terribly cliche, but you couldn’t help but gasp at that. Your eyes going wide and your mouth hanging open. 

“I flipped through it, there’s nothing that clearly identifies him, but it seems like he was keeping track of your comings and goings. As well as keeping a list of the things he took from your house, we can cross check that list with-” 

“Can I look at it?” You interjected, a morbid curiosity consuming your mind. 

Reid gave an unsure glance at the two other agents in the room. “I think it’d be better for the rest of the team and I to look through the journal first, and make sure there’s nothing uh...upsetting in it.” 

----

With the new revelations that the unsub had managed to break into your home multiple times, the team decided it would be best for at least one of them to be with you at the house at all times; during the day they would assign a plainclothes officer to discreetly sit watch. It was comical, the way they decided on the watch and then promptly assigned Aaron the first shift of the night. 

You wondered why he agreed to it, knowing he could’ve easily pulled a seniority boss card and taken himself out of any and all future watch shifts as well. He probably didn’t want you to get closer with any of his agents, should you accidentally say something a bit too personal. He also probably assumed that with the late hour of the night, you’d immediately be going to bed or at least locking yourself away in your room for the rest of the night. 

The team had stayed hours after their first walkthroughs of the house, the new list and notes from the unsub giving you all a better idea of what to look for. You had gone through the list of clothes and jewelry in front of the team, giving them a base description of what you assumed the unsub had meant, whether or not you had considered it missing and where you thought you’d last seen it in the house.

Unfortunately, whatever Aaron had been banking on wouldn’t be happening. You hadn’t been able to shake the sinking feeling that your house was no longer a home anymore. It was painfully cheesy, but you knew that trying to sleep would be futile. Nor did you really feel like being ‘alone’ in your room. That didn’t mean you were going to strike up a conversation with Aaron or ask him to play a board game or something, but you wouldn’t be shutting away from the rest of the night. 

After the team left, you had gone upstairs and changed into a more comfortable outfit for the evening; just your trusty sleep shorts and an oversized t-shirt. You were now walking back down the stairs and towards your kitchen; you grasped a lighter and your emergency cigarette pack in one hand. As you made your way into the kitchen, you could feel Aarons eyes on you from wherever he was seated in the living room. You pointedly ignored him, instead setting the pack and lighter down, freeing your hands so you could mix yourself your favorite drink. 

Once your drink was prepped, you balanced all your things in your hands and made your way back through the living room and out the grand French doors that lead to your backyard. You walked over to one of your lounge chairs that overlooked the pool and had a beautiful view of the sky and bright lights of the city. You turned on one of your favorite playlists and made yourself comfy in the chair, lighting up one of the cigarettes. 

With the first inhale, you felt your body relax. It was a horrible habit- you knew that-, but if there was ever a time to stress smoke, you reasoned it was probably now. Over the sound of your music, you faintly heard one of the doors open again, but you didn’t bother turning around. 

“I thought you quit.” Aaron said, quite literally coming out of the shadows. Even though you didn’t turn to look at him, you could perfectly imagine him in your mind; probably leaning up against one of the legs of the cabana, arms tightly crossed and a deep scowl on his face. 

“I did.” You replied plainly, blowing a steady stream of smoke out of your mouth. Using your free hand you picked your glass back off the chair side table, twirling it slowly. As you took a long sip, you could hear Aaron walk closer, not quite coming into view yet. 

“Drinking and abusing substances in response to a traumatic situation is widely frowned upon. 

“Thank you Surgeon General,” you said, rolling your eyes before adding, “no offense Agent, but right now, I don’t really think it matters.” You didn’t even bother attempting to argue that you were on your first drink and first smoke. 

“It matters, when my team will be counting on you tomorrow. The expectation is that you’ll be a useful and legitimate resource.” Aaron said, voice tight. 

“Do you really think I’m dumb enough to actually believe, that you believe that a single drink is going to render me useless?” You asked, finally turning your head so you could give him a pointed look. When he didn’t answer you rolled your eyes again, turning back away from him. “It doesn’t matter, Agent, I’m unavailable to be a resource tomorrow.” 

“What do you mean, unavailable?” Aaron asked. He finally walked into view, sitting down on the chair next to you. He positioned his legs over the edge facing you, resting his elbows off his knees. 

“What do you mean unavailable?” You said mockingly- the alcohol in your system and stress of the day emboldening your behavior. You paused for a moment to take another drag from your cigarette; Aaron didn’t miss the way you turned your head further from him during your exhale. “You have your job Agent, I have mine.” 

“There is a dangerous free man out there with a special interest in you. He’s not only managed to break into your house but is also murdering surrogate women in place of you,” he said, voice growing louder as he went, “and you think you should go to a film set? How immature and irresponsible are-” 

“Stop doing that!” You cut him off, snapping your head to face him. For a brief moment, you were taken aback by how close he’d been sitting. “Stop painting me to be some dumb self centered girl. This is the fourth time today.” You said, staring him hard in the face, neither of your breaking eye contact. He always looked so good with a beard- stop that. 

“I’m trying to do my job and protect you,” he paused, eyes scanning your face, “I couldn’t handle anything happening to you.” In that moment, his voice was so painfully honest and it almost made you want to agree to do whatever dumb rules he had for you. 

Almost.

Instead, you swung your legs to the side of the chair opposite to him, standing up in a quick blur of motion. “Stop doing that too!” You exclaimed, running your free hand over your face. You took a long drag from your cigarette, placing one hand on your hip. Aaron was giving you a genuinely confused look and you just wanted to wipe it off in one big swipe. “Stop doing some weird little bait and switch between acting like I’m a diva and then trying to end it with some vaguely little sweet comment.” 

“You actually think I don’t care about your safety?” Aaron asked, the faintest bit of hurt in his voice. He stood up as well before continuing. “You think this isn’t a difficult case for me?” 

“You do not get to do that!” You said angrily, pointing a free finger out at him. “You are not allowed to try and make yourself a victim in this story while you simultaneously make me part of the problem. How the hell can you see yourself as even remotely ‘good’ when you left the way you did?” There it was. Maybe it was immature, dragging the breakup into the argument, but the days’ tension- not to mention the months of bottled up emotions- was finally snapping inside of you. 

“If you’re upset over how I ended our relationship, that is completely separate from the dealings of the case and I expect you to be able to conduct yourself appropriately.” Aaron said and you thought that this must be what ‘seeing red’ meant. 

“Do you treat all your witnesses like this?” You were full on yelling now, but you couldn’t bring yourself to care. “Is this your version of appropriate conduct, Agent Hotchner? You’ve proven to be nothing but incompetent! You can’t even see two inches past your own fucking face to consider this from my perspective!” 

Your words had their intended effect. Aaron’s face fell for the briefs of moments before years of bottling his own emotions took back over. You had to give him some credit for keeping it, outwardly, more together than you were. “I won't fight with you over something as trivial as this. You’ll report to the station in the morning with the rest of the team.” He ordered, voice dangerously low. 

“I have to work!” You exclaimed, putting heavy emphasis on each word. 

“Going to work isn’t safe. Do you understand that? Your stalker is well acquainted with your schedule, you need to step away from what’s expected of you. It’s dangerous-”

“Oh my god,” you groaned, shaking your head, “are you even listening to yourself? Your job is dangerous every single day, hell you didn’t even step away when the job was dangerous specifically to you! How am I supposed to take advice you can’t even follow?” At the end of your sentence, you angrily stubbed out your cigarette in the ashtray, leaving the butt in the tray. 

“This isn’t about me.” Aaron snapped, voice loudest it’d been all night. “I’m trying to keep you safe. What part of that don’t you understand?” He asked, giving you a tough look. You found yourself at a loss for words and he took your silence as an opening to continue. “I can’t stand to see you get hurt.”

“Are you finally understanding how exhausting it was to love you!” You blurted out, the words catching even you by surprise. You forcibly blinked back the tears forming your eyes. “That this, is how I felt each time you were called away on a case?” 

Aaron was equally as shocked, his mouth opening in vain a few times as he searched for the proper response. “I made sure you were properly aware of the risks and demands of my job before we started our relationship.” Bad answer.

“And I never complained,” you replied, a defeated tone creeping into your voice, “not once, did I?”

“If you’re going to accuse me of hypocrisy, you should recognize it in yourself. You were equally if not more in demand than I was.” 

“I thought you liked that I was so ‘in demand’!” You said, the frustration growing again. “What was it you always said? You liked not having to worry about me alone at home, waiting up for you.” 

“You’re coming to the station tomorrow Y/N. Final order.” Aaron repeated, completely ignoring your last statement. 

“You know what,” you said, the fight in your voice gone, “I don’t have to put up with this and your lame attempts at trying to be a good guy. I’m not having this conversation anymore.” You quickly leaned over to swipe your cigarette pack and glass of the little table. 

“Are you actually going to run away from this?” He asked, almost as if he was trying to bait you back into the argument.

You scoffed loudly, staring him dead in the eyes. “You did.” 

You angrily walked around him, nearly stomping the entire way to the door. As you were halfway into the house you paused for a moment, not even slightly turning your head back towards him. “Blankets are still in the same spot in the living room.” You said, slamming the door behind you as soon the sentence left your lips. 

-----

The next morning, promptly at 8am, an email from your agent was sent to Aaron. It was incredibly petty and inherently personal, but to an outsider it was nothing out of the ordinary for someone of your status. Aaron was near furious, as expected, but even in his stubbornness he could see you had the high ground. Long story short, the email plainly stated vaguely threatened that if your work schedule were to become an issue for the team, you could easily send a ‘spokesperson’ from your team to deal with any and all future communications. Y/N 2, Aaron Hotchner 0.

Back at your house, you were having a lovely morning. The victory tasted sweet in your mouth as you got yourself ready for the long day. Sometime around 4:00AM Reid had switched out with Aaron and the two of you were currently in your kitchen; Reid sitting at one of your countertop stools while you stood over the stove. After being angrily informed by Aaron that you wouldn’t be required to come into the station with Reid, you decided to make a simple breakfast for the two of you. Reid had wanted to leave sooner, but he was also under orders to not leave you alone until you were safely in your own car and on your way.

You weren’t sure how he felt, but you thought you and Reid got along quite well. He was the closest in age to you and even though he didn’t really seem to understand any of the little jokes or references you made, there was still some level of mutual understanding there. It didn’t hurt that he was quite easy on the eyes as well, of course he wasn’t Aaron by any means- stop that! 

Over breakfast, you spent the entire time answering Reid’s many questions about various actors and actresses he was a fan of. Lucky boy, you thought; as all the people he mentioned were quite nice even when the camera was off. What was it that people said about never meeting your hero? 

He graciously offered to do all the clean up, as you had cooked, which gave you a bit of extra time to make sure you were ready to go. When you both were ready and Reid had confirmed the plainclothes officer was positioned on your street, he helped you to your car. 

With one hand on the top of your car, just as you were about to sit down, you stopped and turned to Reid. “I enjoyed breakfast, would you please tell Agent Hotchner how sorry I am that my schedule’s gotten in the way?” You asked, giving him your sweetest smile. It was another petty move and Aaron was sure to see right through it; the team had amazing skills at reading people, you knew that, but you were an equally talented actress. “I’ll make sure to let you guys know when I’ll be back at home tonight.” You added, before sliding into your car. Reid closed the door gently behind you, waving from the outside of your garage as you pulled out and drove off. 

-----

Case wise, the next two days were quiet. You had won the ‘going to work battle’ by a longshot and happily went about your scheduled days. Aaron hadn’t taken another watch shift since the argument, something you were grateful for. It wasn’t until the fourth day, that the case started to pick up again.

“Agent Hotchner?” A young officer stepped into the conference room, holding out a thick manila envelope. “This was just dropped off at the front desk, addressed to you.” That certainly captured the entire team’s attention; every head turning, as if off on a swivel, to face the officer. 

“Who dropped it off?” Hotch demanded. ‘Who dropped it off?” He repeated, an added aggression in his voice. 

“Some kid! Some kid dropped it at the front and left before anyone could get a word out!” The officer said hurriedly, raising one of his hands up in a meek surrender. 

Hotch stepped up to the officer, easily snatching the envelope out of his hands. “Assure that my technical analyst has access to your entire security feed. Now.” He ordered, not giving the officer as a second glance. “Morgan, call Garcia and make sure she accesses those tapes and identifies the kid immediately.” 

Hotch went back to standing in front of the long table in the middle of the room, setting the envelope down in front of him. “Gloves, I need-” A pair were placed in his outstretched hand by Reid before he could finish. “I don’t want anyone touching anything that comes out of here without gloves, understood?” He said, not looking at anyone in particular. His focus, completely drawn to the angry penmanship that spelled out his name. After quickly pulling his gloves all the way on, Hotch grabbed the envelope again, internally shoving down his emotions before ripping off the top edge in one clean pull. Nothing could have prepared him for the way the envelope was overflowing with hundreds of photos of you. He tilted the envelope and they all came falling out, covering the table in front of him. Reid mentally estimated there were over five hundred photos of you- some seemed to be cut, some looked to have writing and designs on them- and there were even a few slips of paper thrown in the mix. 

“Hotch, Garcia managed to grab the plate from what the kid drove off in. She's running it-” Morgan said, his sentence running off as he took in the table full of photos. “Holy shit.” He said quietly, making his way closer to the table as well. 

Hotch reached down, picking up the closest photo to him. There you were, standing on a boardwalk with your hand blocking the sun from your eyes. You looked beautiful- stop that. As Hotch further studied the photo, he picked up a second one, taking another good look. It struck Hotch and the team then, the majority of the photos were grossly intimate; as if the unsub had taken them by himself. Hotch’s stomach twisted when his eyes fell on a photo that looked like you were posing for it, throwing a big smile and peace sign up at the camera. 

“Did Garcia get any hits on any scorned lovers?” Emily asked, holding up a photo of you and a man. The face and body of the man had been aggressively scratched over and cut up, but Aaron had a sinking feeling it was of him. 

“Yea, I got another potential ex photo right here.” Reid said, holding up another picture. In this one you had clearly been looking up at someone, but the photo had been crudely cut up to exclude whoever it was. 

Morgan held up one of the slips of papers, giving it a confused look. “You lost Aaron?” He said, reading off the paper. “What’s the reasoning for singling out Hotch rather than someone closer to her age like Reid” He questioned, not expecting anyone to answer. 

“I got one of Hotch’s face scribbled over. He must’ve gotten the photo online.” Emily added, holding up a professional headshot of Hotch. “Is anyone seeing photos of the rest of us? The unsub could see all of us as interfering with his connection to Y/N.” 

Hotch’s stomach was twisted in all different directions. He knew the moment of truth was coming and was internally cursing himself for not coming clean sooner. But that paled in comparison to the sickness he felt over the unsub clearly being someone who had such personal access to you. He was certain that some of these photos dates back years. The idea that whoever was doing this had been so close to you, for so long, could’ve brought him to his knees. 

“Hotch…” JJ said, her voice accusatory. She looked up at him, face a mix of confusion and a hint of betrayal. She held up another photo and the entire team went quiet. This photo was clearly taken at a distance, but there you were looking lovingly up at a man who was certainly Hotch. 

Hotch had one hand clenched tightly on the edge of the table, taking a deep breath before he looked up at his agents staring expectantly at him.  

“I haven’t been completely honest with you all,” Hotch started, running his free hand over his face, “I met Y/N five years ago and we were together for three, until I ended things.” He was sure someone had audibly gasped at that. “I know you all may have various concerns over my proximity to the case and are valid in any anger you may feel towards me. But right now, I need to go call Y/N and make sure she’s safe.” 

Hotch didn’t give anyone a chance to reply, instead whipping out his phone and near running out the door. Leaving a team of confused and shocked agents in his wake.

-----

a/n - of course, thank you all for reading. it means the world to me! also just the quickest of shoutouts to @kylorendrip and @ssahoodrathotchner who both constantly put up with my writing complaints and all the random ideas i bounce around their dms on the daily. 

taglist - @mac99martin @iwaizumiee @kylorendrip @hqtchner @lieswithoutfairytales @ssahoodrathotchner @midsummernightdream @weasleylovers @evans-dejong @itsmytimetoodream @yoshigguk @28cnn @cuddlyklaus @hotch-meeeeeuppppp @yallgotkik @sunflowersandotherthings @alexrodriguez1269

no permission is given to copy or republish my writing on any other platform or account. if you see this story outside of my blog or my ao3 it is stolen work. i do not own nor claim to own criminal minds or any of the character involved in it.

[sylvie-writes]

𝐀𝐝 𝐈𝐧𝐟𝐢𝐧𝐢𝐭𝐮𝐦 ✯ 𝐒. 𝐑𝐨𝐠𝐞𝐫𝐬

word count: 4,000

pairing: steve rogers x female reader

summary: If one had to live the same day over and over again, it would be most sensible of them to choose the best one. Well unfortunately for you, you didn’t get a choice.

warnings: angst

a/n: this was the one-shot i had posted a preview of and i apologize for taking so long to post it. i couldn’t decide how to end it so then i took a poll and it was a fluffy ending, which helped me a bit! thanks! btw sorry if the formatting looks weird. on my computer it looks weird, but on my phone it looks normal so idk. 

please excuse any mistakes!

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For the first time in years, you awoke to notice the light of the sun and how it ever so brightly twinkled. The sun had never actually disappeared, but today you had actually taken the time to notice it in all of its glory. Just the mere sight brought a bittersweet smile to your face, along with the feeling of delight, something you had missed so dearly during the dark period of time that had finally ended yesterday. Half of the world had disappeared for what seemed forever and with that no longer looming over your head, you could actually live and enjoy life for what it is. It may sound cliche, but the sun did seem brighter to you now, and the world a happier place after being reset. Last night, you had watched the news and for the first time in forever, it was enjoyable. On the screen, images of people reuniting along with many others sending words of thanks to your crew mates turned family, the Avengers. 

Today, you were mostly relishing in the peace, but just a small bit of worry settled in your stomach as Steve was returning the stones back to their normal timelines. No matter how many times Sam offered to go with him, the stubborn man refused, still ready to take the risk on his own. Times like these made you miss Nat even more as she was probably the only person, aside from you, to be able to talk Steve out of anything. Instead of continuing to dwell on the matter that was out of your hands, you turned away from the sunny window and to your left. The sound of your shuffling in the sheets must’ve awoken the man beside you as his grip tightened its hold on your waist. He pulled you closer into his chest and then wrapped two arms around you, forming a warm and inviting hug. After some sleepy groaning, lips met the top of your head which you could only tell by feeling since your face was currently being squished into the man. 

“Good Morning, gorgeous. What time is it?” Steve picked his chin up from the top of your head, peering over to your nightstand where the clock sat. As he did so, he noticed you were squeezing your eyes shut and murmuring some silent “no’s” and “it’s not time yet.” 

He chuckled at your defiance and then unwrapped his arms so he could lean back and instead run his fingers through your hair. “I hate to break it to you, but we have to meet the rest of the team in an hour.” 

Turning onto your stomach, you threw your face into Steve’s pillow while also ignoring his annoying bright smile as if he was entertained. “Ugh, can’t they just wait. It’s not like the stones have suddenly grown feet and are gonna run away.”

“Hon, you’ve left me no choice.” 

It got freakishly quiet and next thing you knew, Steve had thrown back the sheets and thrown you over his shoulder.

“Steve! I was just about to get up!!” You quickly sat up to face the blonde and not his backside which caused him to somehow gently rotate you in a way that you were now being held bridal style. Steve simply shrugged and kissed your forehead before heading to the bathroom to start the shower, you still in his arms.

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It was only supposed to be seconds. 

And as of now, it has been at least a minute.

All hell's breaking loose at the moment. Bucky, feet glued to the ground, looks around as if Steve is gonna magically appear and Sam is worriedly questioning Bruce who is anxiously messing with the buttons of his controls. On the other hand, you are still staring at the platform, the traffic in your mind finally halting which ultimately caused you to drop to the floor in shock. As you were out cold on the ground, Sam looked over for a split second and luckily caught you in his sight. 

About fifteen minutes later, you woke up in the infirmary. You looked to your right where Bruce was standing with a water while Bucky and Sam waved at you from the nearby seats. Your first reaction was anger as you saw the three here and not working on getting Steve back who was currently nowhere in sight. Rejecting the bottle, you sat up straight. With fire in your eyes, you stared at Bruce, “Where is he?”

The gentle giant just shook his head, urging you to drink more water. Immediately, you ripped the i.v tube from your arm, ignoring the slight burn and then the draft from the paper gown that clothed your body. Just as you made it to the door, both Sam and Bucky held out their hands, stopping you from exiting. 

“Woah woah, missy. Where do you think you are going?”

Bucky slowly reached out to place a hand on your waist in a way to make sure that you wouldn’t run off while Sam distracted you further. 

“To find Steve.”

Sam sucked in a harsh breath and folded his arms over his chest. “(y/n). We all care about both you and Steve very much-”

“If you did care, then you’d be out there looking for him!” Your emotions had finally bubbled over and now resentful tears were starting to emerge. 

“Think about what you just said because it doesn’t make sense! We are just as worried as you are and we’ve done everything, and I mean everything, we can. He’s gone.” Sam’s eyes softened and he put a hand on your shoulder, “Please get some rest. There’s nothing else to be done.” The stubbornness started to subside and in turn, reality seeped into your mind. You then looked to Bucky, seeing that he was looking at you the same way as Sam.

“Sam and I will be on the lookout. I promise (y/n). Steve wouldn’t want you up right now and you know that.” 

With a childlike huff you turned back towards the bed as the two men ushered you to it. 

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Hours must have passed because next thing you knew it was morning again and you were back in your own bed. It was somewhat shocking as you felt as good as new, possibly even better than you’ve felt before. As you finally awoke, you felt something heavy on your waist and looking down, you noticed an arm slung around your torso. You blinked a few times to make sure it was real and your mind then ran to the most sensible conclusion.

Whispering, you stared at the hand as if it was foreign, “Bucky?”

Suddenly a voice replied in all of its deepend glory, “Sorry, doll, but it’s Steve.” 

The hand then moved and you heard sheets shuffling as Steve turned onto his back to stretch his arms with an overdramatic yawn.

You shot up faster than an eager student’s hand. With a soft gasp you brought a hand to your lips. It couldn’t be…

“W-When did-d you get back?” It was quiet, but Steve’s enhanced hearing picked it up just as he had done so a few seconds before.

“What do you mean?” He looked at you with pure confusion. 

“You returned the time stones. Yesterday… And you never came back.”

Dark blonde eyebrows creased together and a hand made its way to your forehead. “(y/n), you are worrying me. We aren’t returning the stones until today. Are you okay? What did you eat last night?”

Before Steve could mother goose anymore, you clumsily shuffled out of the bed, but not removing eye contact from the man. “I’ll-I’ll be right back.” 

You slipped on shoes, apparently mismatched ones, but you were too anxious to care. In a millisecond, the bedroom door was shut. You, running out like you were fearing for your life and Steve on the other side, concerned and confused.

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“GUYS, THEY ARE REAL! WE ARE GONNA NEED TO GO INTO LOCKDOWN!”

Running into the kitchen like a madwoman, you screamed the words you believed to be true. The innocent bystanders, Scott and Wanda, were currently gathering the rest of their things, while Bruce stood in the kitchen making breakfast. Everyone had been ready to go off onto their own paths after the events of yesterday (including Tony’s funeral), but currently you thought you held some mind-blowing information that would stop time, so to say.

“(y/n) what’s happening?” Wanda threw down her box and rushed to your side as you were already talking a mile a minute. None of them could understand a single word for it sounded like absolute gibberish. 

“There is a shapeshifter in my room. You know, those things Carol talked about! I thought she was bullshitting us, but the Skrulls or whatever are real. What are we gonna do? I know there are some th-” 

“Darling, what are you going on about? There’s nothing in our room, I just came from there. You’ve been acting weird all morning.” Entering the common area, Steve leaned up against the doorway before beginning to approach your shaking form.

Absolute horror in your eyes, you looked at Steve in terror as he now tenderly held your wrists in his hands.

“It’s you.”

He titled his head like a confused puppy while the rest of the onlookers stood by. You weren’t sure what to say for if you said “it’s him,” that would be equivalent to standing in a bank robbery and calling the cops right in front of the shooter. Rather you went with what you thought was smart and uttered Wanda’s name. 

It took her a second, but she looked as if she had caught on once having invaded your thoughts. Although, your hope was lost when she ended up mirroring Steve’s perplexed look. 

Taking matters into your own hands (quite literally,) you roughly shook your hands free from Steve’s loving hold and walked over to the nearby side table, discreetly eying the lamp. From first glance, it looked to the team members as if you were simply going to turn on the light, but all of a sudden, the lamp was in your hands and ready to launch at Steve. A mixture of “stops” and gasps sounded when it flew in the air. The team was quick to act, but it all happened in slow-motion for you. 

The lamp froze in the air with a red aura surrounding it thanks to Wanda while Steve tossed himself at you to avoid the incoming object. Of course, by doing so he rolled to make sure not to crush you while making impact with the ground. Once everything stopped, the lamp was returned to its place and your teammates started to slowly approach, you went to stand up, but Steve’s grasp stopped you. In fact, he flipped you over so your back was now on the carpet, an aggravated blonde now hanging over your body. His hands were pinning down your once flailing arms and his eyes burned into your own.

“(y/n). Tell me what is going on. Now.” Rarely did Steve ever use this tone with you. Actually, he’s never used it with you. It also occurred to you that you probably looked a bit insane to your friends and boyfriend, so you figured it was time to come clean. If they thought you were deranged, then oh well. What else was there to do?

“If you aren’t a shapeshifter then what’s happening!?!” 

You reached out to grab the fistfuls of his shirt before beginning to cry quietly. Steve could sense you were really upset over whatever this is because you were never one to act in such an irrational way. At this point, Bruce, Wanda and Scott stood by, concerned for you and the current situation. Steve leisurely leaned down, pressing a comforting kiss to your temple before hovering by your ear. 

“What is wrong, my love? Tell me so I can help you.”

Stopping the tears, you peered up at the man who you trusted your life with. So far, you had managed to convince yourself that this was really your Steve, but that only left one conclusion, yet you didn’t want to believe it.  Not yet anyway.

“Steve, you disappeared...yesterday. I can remember it all, I swear.” Your voice died down as you thought of a way to convince them. “Bruce, tell them, you were there too! Please, I’ve already lived this day.”

Chiming in from the back was Bruce, “What day do you think it is then?”

You replied the date at which Wanda told you that it wasn’t, but rather that it was the day before. 

Steve had loosened his hold on you at this point and you managed to scoot up and lean up back against the side table. 

“So then what does that mean? I’m living the same day… over again?”

Everyone started to nod in acceptance like they were welcoming the idea and you just suddenly burst out, hysterically laughing at the ridiculousness.“Well that’s just great, guys!  I’ve lost my damn mind. It’s okay you all don’t have to play along, just ship me away already, will y’a?” 

“I’ve gone off the rails, Steven. How do you even put up with this!?��� You motioned to yourself in disgust and Steve laughed, shaking his head. “Sweetheart, I’ve seen a lot, especially these last five years, so this doesn’t even sound remotely crazy.”

Scott moved closer to reassure you. “No, (y/n), you haven’t! This is entirely possible. believe it or not. In simplest terms, it’s like that movie,” The man paused to think before shining a boastful smile at you, “Groundhog’s Day. You know, the one with Bill Murray.”

Bruce piped up from his distant spot in the kitchen, “Not another movie, Scott! We’ve already discussed this, just because it was in a movie, doesn’t make it true.”

“Hey, don’t knock it till you try it. That IS how we found time travel after all. Thank god my parents let me watch Back to the Future or else-” 

The doctor looked at Scott with a face that practically screamed “fair enough and please just shut up,” which the rambling man took note of as he quickly piped down. (You took note of this situation and for future reference remembered not to ask them this question for the rest of the time you’d live this day.)

From there, you and the team spent the rest of the time trying to figure whatever it is before Steve had to leave with the stones. You only hoped that night everything would be normal or that this was really just a bad and very vivid dream. 

An extremely bad one.

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Unfortunately, you awoke the next morning in the same position that you’d love to be in any other day, which was Steve’s arm cocooning you. 

Starting from today on and for the next ten days or so, you’d approach the day as such. 

In the morning, you’d try your hardest to convince Steve to not leave. 

He’d ask you why and you’d come up with some bullshit excuse, different from the day before, along with some puppy eyes that the man would just laugh at. As you pouted, he’d kiss your sulking lips and murmur “you’re so silly, doll.” 

No matter how many times you tried to convince him, he ironically always said that exact phrase in return.

Needless to say it was a bit annoying and you were tired of living the same day over and over again. Steve would never not do something for the world unless it meant hurting you. If only he knew that this simple act was like driving a knife straight through your heart. 

You tried to keep count of the amount of days on a piece of paper, but soon discovered that would be useless by day two since it just disappeared into thin air. 

Of all the days to relive, it just had to be the one where Steve vanished. Yet, no matter how many times you live that day, a pit of angst always settled in your stomach even though you knew what was to come later on that day. It was absolute torture seeing the love of your life perish  before you and you couldn’t do anything to change it. Sometimes at night, while you laid alone, you’d wonder why of all the days that it had to be this one. What had you done to piss off the universe so bad?

Finally, by what you assumed was day eight, you just accepted your fate and decided to just have some fun with it. If you were gonna have to suffer, you might as well make something out of the day. Granted you were gonna solve cancer or help homelessness because your efforts would be reset the “next” day. 

As the team prepared for Steve’s departure, you’d be out eating tons and tons of your favorite meals knowing that it wouldn’t affect you tomorrow. One day you even spontaneously caught a plane to some country you’d never even visited and just blew an unfathomable amount of money. On other days, you had also invested time and money into getting your hair done into impossible and whacky styles while simultaneously regretting not having painted your nails the day before. It was stupid to worry about or even bring up, but they were constantly chipped and it was aggravating to look at as you foolishly sped through the city in an expensive car that wouldn’t be yours tomorrow. 

What you were doing was absolutely careless, reckless and just downright out of character for anyone, especially you. Yet when you knew it all wouldn’t matter tomorrow, you carried on with your disregard for the world. Numb from the pain you were just trying to feel something. 

When it finally came time for Steve to leave, you’d bid him goodbye and when he vanished, you would see Sam, Bucky, and Bruce’s shocked expressions for what felt like the thousandth time. Honestly, you knew they wouldn’t remember and instead you’d just walk away, trying your best to not let your emotions jump out once more. You figured that after the tenth day, you were just desensitized and that you should be unaffected by now, when in reality you were still hurting. At this point, even though you got to spend time with Steve, your hours hurting outweighed your hours enjoying life. 

There was no use in any longer faking to yourself. The logic of “what you think is what you become,” wasn’t helping so you instead swallowed the bitter pill of reality and moved on. For real this time. 

You had finally come to accept that Steve was gonna be gone and no one knew when he’d come back, but you knew one thing.

The pain of constantly seeing him disappear, knowing there was nothing you could say or do to stop him because boy did you try, was much more profound than that of the pain you felt when he was just gone. There was more hope for him to return that way than not moving on at all. 

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Somehow, by doing so and accepting the truth, the universe reset that night. 

You woke up and Steve wasn’t there.

For having lived the same day on repeat for at least 3 weeks time, you knew with absolute certainty that he was gonna be there. 

These people you’d been living were practically programmed with a script so there was surely no way anything could change unless…

“Hey (y/n) glad to see you are awake. We have some good news.” 

At that moment Sam popped his head in from the hallway and you couldn’t keep a smile at bay. 

It was finally a new day.

The man gave you a confused look, but was happy nonetheless to see you. 

“Wow, you seem pretty chipper for someone who has been through a lot in the past few hours. You good?” Sam came to your bedside and gave you a blueberry muffin wrapped in a thin napkin. It was hard to come by muffins in the compound, let alone breakfast at all, and you felt a ping of joy when you noticed that Sam remembered your favorite snack. He’d always have your back whether it was a muffin or a bullet. 

“It’s nothing. I am just happy that today is a new day and I can start with a clean slate.” Taking a bite into the muffin, you relished in the fresh and spongy cake while your conscience scolded you for not indulging in these during your everlasting day from hell. 

“I don’t know what’s gotten to you, but I am loving the cringe-worthy optimism. Speaking of which, I have something to add to that.” You ignored the subtle dig at your newfound look on life and rather keened in on the last half of his words. 

“Did you-” Tears started to brim your eyes. Happy ones. Soon your muffin was long forgotten as you threw off the covers and stood from the bed. Sam was quick to stand as well, steadying you when your sheets got tangled at your feet and you spun a bit. 

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There he was. 

Your Steve was standing before you with a look of adoration on his face while his arms were wide open, beckoning you to him. 

“How?” A gasp of question fell from your lips and at this point you were sure your body and mind were gonna explode from this extra case of surprise, as if you hadn’t been through enough of that. It was astronomical that you could even feel that emotion at this point. 

“Scott discovered that we somehow ripped time?” You furrowed your brows and Steve continued on. “ When you all sent me back to return, I guess it was a bit miscalculated.” 

So it wasn’t all a dream? Could it really be that you had lived the same day on repeat? It was like someone had accidentally hit the repeat button for a song one too many times, but instead of a song, it was your life?

“Now I am not good with all the technical things, but apparently it stopped time in a way. Dr. Banner even said that it could have caused for some to experience some type of repetitive time abnormality!” Steve chuckled, not understanding a single word that he was saying to you. It was like a foreign language to him. He blamed it on being from a time where technology barely existed, but you and the rest of the team were quick to reassure him that it was confusing for all. 

“Oh, if only you all knew.” Wrapping your arms around Steve’s slim waist, you nestled your face into his chest, inhaling his cologne and embracing his warmth. Steve placed his lips on the crown on your head and you two stayed that way for an eternity,

One day maybe you’d tell them the story, but for now you were gonna relish in the time you had with Steve. If you had learned anything from your experience, it was that time was a tricky thing and that you shouldn’t hold a grudge as life did on you for that day. You will never make any progress if you do. Live in the moment and roll with the punches life throws in your direction. 

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[wlntrsldler]

hi love! i was wondering if you could do “false god” + cedric diggory? i hope you are having a great day ❤️

anon: omg can you do a cute little one about cedrics ghost watching over you during the battle of hogwarts (you’re part of Harry’s friend group) and then you die and reunite 🥺

A/N: i combined these two requests. i hope you guys don’t mind!

PROMPT: Cedric and Y/N finally reunite years after his death.

WARNINGS: mentions of death, major character death, angst

WC: 2K+ 

HP MASTERLIST

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false god (c.d one shot)

When Cedric thought about the afterlife, he never once expected it to be like this. He thought that he would be calm and serene, surrounded by white clouds and sounds of harps softly playing in the background. But the afterlife that Cedric was exposed to, was nothing like that. 

Now, he spent his eternal days, with his heart crumbling in his chest as he watched you lose a part of yourself everyday since he died. He wanted nothing else but to yell and call out for you. He wanted to say, “My darling, you’re better than this. Don’t lose your life just because I’m gone.” It wasn’t fair of him to ask that of you, he knew that. Cedric knew that if the roles were switched— if you were the one in his shoes, he would be acting the same way as you. 

Sometimes he felt selfish because he was relieved that he didn’t have to go through the pain of living life without you. Cedric lived his entire life with you by his side. Since you were kids, you were beside Cedric as your parents were friends with his. You took your first steps together, rode your brooms with one another, entered Hogwarts together. Merlin, both of your first words were a variation of each other’s names. Cedric knew, deep down in his heart, that he wouldn’t know how to live without you. 

Cedric watched fondly as he saw Harry approach you. He was thankful that Harry looked after you after his death, no doubt knowing how close you and Cedric were when he was alive. You looked up at Harry, leaning against his chest as he wrapped a protective arm around you. Hermione and Ron stood off to the side, smiling sadly at you. The start of the year only reminded you more of Cedric’s death and in honor of it, you had a portrait of him hung in the Hufflepuff common room. You were made Head Girl this year and your first duty— which all of the Prefects and Head Boys and Girls agreed to— was to tell all the Hufflepuff first-years about Cedric. 

Now, three months into the start of term, you saw many Hufflepuff students, both first years and older students who had known Cedric when he was alive, talk to the portrait. They sat there for hours, not caring if the image never spoke back. You understood why. The mere sight of Cedric’s contagious smile, the crinkles by his eyes, was enough to put anyone at ease. And if you closed your eyes and focused hard enough, you could hear the sound of his glorious laughter ringing throughout the common room. 

“You ready?” Harry asked quietly, taking a quick glance at Cedric. 

You nodded, ready to enter the Room of Requirement to train for Dumbledore’s Army. You pulled away from Harry and smiled at Cedric, “We’ll talk later, Ced? I love you.” 

Cedric smiled to himself, wanting nothing else but to reach down and touch you. He replied, though you couldn’t hear him, “I love you.” 

As the years passed, Cedric continued to watch over you. He saw you fight and grow into an amazing witch. You learned curses and charms that would’ve thrown Cedric’s head in a frenzy. And all Cedric could do was grin from above and clap his hands happily when you perfected casting your Patronus— a beautiful, Black Swan. He of course had to look it up— who knew there were books available in the afterlife?— and knew that it was perfect for you. You were passionate, driven, and kind with a heart so full of love, Cedric sometimes thought he was undeserving of it. 

He watched you become a Healer St. Mungo’s, living off on your own in a humble flat, not too far from where the both of you grew up. He would listen intently as you talked to him before you went to bed, as if he was right there beside you the entire time. Cedric felt his heart flutter in his chest when he saw you putting up the Christmas ornaments that he made for you when he was 7 years old, too fond of muggle clay for his own good. The ornaments were wonky, and truth be told, they were ugly, but you put them up every year, without fail. 

Cedric watched you live your life but he saw something that most people never saw— he saw you were tired. You were tired of fighting, tired of walking into work to find beds filled with witches and wizards of all ages— some were children— trying to get better because they were attacked, tired of living a life where you were alone, all the time. Despite how tired you were, Cedric knew you were going to keep fighting as long as there was a fight to win. 

When the Battle of Hogwarts came around, there was this feeling in his stomach that told him everything he needed to know. He knew not everyone would make it out alive. For Merlin’s sake, look at him! He was killed like he was just a scrap of rubbish in the way of the Dark Lord, and perhaps, he was. Cedric watched as Sirius Black, Mad-Eye Moody, and even Professor Dumbledore, joined him in the afterlife. It was clear that the Dark Lord and his followers didn’t care who was hurt. 

Cedric watched you limp into the Great Hall, bloody and exhausted, as you pushed past students running around trying to get to their loved ones. He saw you nearly throw up, when you saw the sides of the hall lined with bodies— bodies of students you knew during your time at Hogwarts and some who looked too young to even be exposed to a war like this. You walked down silently, saying prayers for the ones you lost in the battle. 

To your left, you saw Professor Lupin and his wife, Tonks, on the floor, lifelessly, with their fingertips half an inch apart, as if they were trying to touch one last time before the end. You remembered how Professor Lupin teased you endlessly over your crush on Cedric. He was the first professor who noticed it, or maybe he was the first one to have the courage to say it out loud. You weren’t really discreet with your feelings and you were almost sure that Professor McGonagall was aware of it too, but Professor Lupin was the first one to tease you about it. He was the first one to hug you and welcome you into 12 Grimmauld Place when you joined the Order. You were the second person, after Harry, to find out that Tonks was pregnant with Teddy. 

Ahead, you saw the Weasley family gathered around a body. Walking into this war, you knew you were going to lose some people, but never once did you expect to lose a Weasley. You knew that no matter how many of them there were, not one of them could be replaced. As you walked closer, you recognized the body as Fred Weasley. Beside him was his twin, crying quietly into the shoulder of Ron. It was Fred Weasley on the floor— the same bloke who made it his mission to make you laugh once more after the life was sucked out of you when Cedric died. You stood off to the side, an arm wrapped around Hermione. 

Cedric remained silent, looking down at the casualties. Professor Lupin, Tonks, Fred Weasley, young, Colin Creevey with his camera still around his neck— they were all gone. Cedric hoped that he could promise them that the afterlife brought peace, but he knew he couldn’t do that, because ever since he arrived, he found no peace until he knew you were alright. 

A hand touched his shoulder, and he looked up to see a smiling Fred Weasley. The redhead spoke, “You alright there, mate?” 

“Yeah,” Cedric chuckled, pulling him in for a hug. “I appreciate you looking after Y/N.”

“No worries. It seems like you’ve been looking after her too,” he commented, peeking at the display in front of Cedric. “Godric, Georgie’s a bit of a sap, isn’t he?”

He laughed because only Fred Weasley would make a joke during a time like this. Fred gave a goofy smile and patted Cedric’s back before he walked away, leaving Cedric alone again. As the war picked up again, Cedric focused on you, making sure that you were safe— whatever safe meant in a war zone. When Harry leaped out of Hagrid’s arms, he saw the relief wash over every single person’s face. People fought harsher than before, knowing that the war would soon come to an end and it seemed that young Potter would rise as the victor. 

The Deatheaters knew it too. Many of them began to retreat as they saw the Dark Lord stumble under Harry’s magic. For a split moment, Cedric was entranced by the fight between the two wizards, before you caught his eye again. You were smiling sadly, happy that the war was almost done. Harry was going to win. The fight was won. 

And that’s Cedric saw it. You broke down your walls. 

“Avada Kedavra!”

You didn’t move or try to counter it. You let the curse hit you and you drifted away with the same smile on your face. You knew you weren’t needed down there anymore. The war was finished. Now, you needed to take care of yourself and join the others. You had to pick up the pieces of yourself that you lose over the years. 

When the display ceased to be nothing, Cedric frantically looked around, afraid that he had lost you. But it was the opposite, because not more than a second later, your soft touch landed on his back and there you were. He breathed out a sigh of sadness because you deserved to live, a long and happy and fruitful life. You didn’t deserve to be here so early. He shook his head in disbelief and pushed you away, refusing to look into your eyes. 

You were patient, of course, you always were. You kept your distance until Cedric had the courage to look at you. In your face, he saw you— the person that you were before his death. You were smiling with the smile that made Cedric fall in love with you in the first place. The burden of the war was no longer on your shoulders. You stood tall, finally breathing calmly instead of gasping for air to survive. Cedric understood then that your decision to not fight back was not because you wanted to die, but because you wanted to live. 

The life that you had on the ground was not a life you saw for yourself, but this afterlife, was everything you could wish for and more. He approached you, hesitantly, afraid that you might reject him and Merlin, if you rejected him in the afterlife he wouldn’t know what he’d do. You were here for eternity. You made no moves to get away, instead you melted into his touch when his hand cupped your cheek. 

“I should’ve said it when we were still alive,” Cedric confessed, whispering, hoping that if this was a dream, his quietness would cause it to last a bit longer. He continued, “I love you. And I’ve been in love with you since before I even knew what it meant to be in love. And I’ll continue to be in love with you until our life here comes to an end. I’ll love you even through this other lifetime— especially through this other lifetime.” 

“Cedric Diggory, I’m so in love with you,” you replied, your lips touching his. “I know heaven's a thing. I go there when you touch me and this is the feeling I’ve been yearning for, for years. I’m so glad to be here with you, finally.”

He closed his eyes, pushing his lips against yours. And for the first time in years, you and Cedric finally knew of peace. 

[neoskidz]

DRIFT AWAY || BANG CHAN

WC. 1.3K

GENRE. Angst / Fluff / Exes to lovers!au

SUMMARY.

There was a said, true love doesn’t have happy ending because it doesn’t have an ending. Yet, your story with him ended at the moment he raised his voice and shouted at you. Even after 7 years had passed, you still didn’t understand why you two break up—why it had to end like this.

Now that you two reunited at a school reunion, neither you nor him know how to act around each others without making it awkward.

NETWORK TAGLIST. @inkidz​ @0325-net​ @stayhavens ​

You still remember the first time you were introduced to Chan in high school, how Jisung was so persistent to make you joined the music club just because he didn’t want to separate from you. You remember the look he gave you, not the judged look, but the pity look.

He seemed to understand how uncomfortable you were at that time.

High school was where everything between you two started, but also the end of it.

Few weeks after his graduation, the two of you started to drifting apart as he began to become serious as a music producer. He didn’t have time for you anymore. He wasn’t answering your calls or your texts. He also started ignoring you completely, shutting himself at the studio, pretending that you didn't exist.

When you confronted, it ended up nowhere near well. Nothing seemed to work anymore between you two and you had enough of it. Long story short, you break up with him and decided to focus on your education.

Years have passed and you lived the life you dreamed. You graduated from university with an excellent GPA and worked as a presenter like you had dreamed when you were a kid.

Everything went fine until Jisung dragged you to the music club reunion.

“[Name]! It’s nice to see you again!” Hyunjin happily greeted you, ignoring the boy beside you in purpose, “I almost thought you couldn’t make it.”

“Hey, don’t ignore me! You suppose to thank me for bringing her here.”

“More like dragging me here.” You sent him a glare before turned your attention to Hyunjin, “I can’t stay too long though, still have work to do tomorrow morning.”

“Right, you’re working in a TV broadcasting. Anyway, we only need to wait for one more—Oh, he is here. Hyung!”

Your body tensed as someone that rarely come into your mind appeared in front of all of you, eyes meeting yours for a split second. No one seemed to sense the tension between you two, completely forgotten the history you had with him.

You wished this is the scene where it all turns around; when two faces meet in a crowded space that neither knew the other would be at. Everyone who is not them blurs into the background, the chatter fading into a mute. It’s where time slows to half the speed you usually feel it and a happy ending awaits.

But the look you shared with Chan stopped short of enchanting. It was tainted, love fracturing through a cracked lens of longing and yearning. It was all your memories with him compressed together; all-nighter composing songs in the studio, cup noodles at his place, autumn winds gushing through your hand in his, shy kisses at the bus stop.

You swallowed dry, meeting his eyes for a second before Jisung called your name from aside. Chan did the same, his movement stiff and a polite smile stapled across his face as he went sit on the only empty seat across you.

The reunion went on as Hyunjin confirmed that everyone was present. You tried your best to avoid meeting Chan’s eyes again and enjoy the reunion. You didn’t want this happy vibe to turn sour just because of him. 

However, Chan seemed to have another plan in his mind.

He couldn’t stop staring at you. Staring at how your smile widened from ear to ear, staring at how you laughed at the lame joke Changbin made, staring at how you became so beautiful from the last time he met you. He missed you and regretted his decision for letting you go from his grasp that day.

The reunion went on for hours until you had to excuse yourself first and bid everyone goodbye in a hurry to not miss the bus.

The moment you got up from your seat, Chan finally able to snap out from his thought. With a polite smile stapled across his face, he excuses himself to went after you, not caring the call or confused look his friends gave.

“[Name], wait!” You stopped and turned your body to face Chan as the man stood in front of you. 

The Chan that stood before you was one with his defenses up, a lesser version of himself, someone watered down. His hands reached into the pockets of his jacket because he didn’t know what to do with them, so you let yours hung awkwardly at your sides. You didn’t really know what to do with yourself either.

“I... It’s getting late and dangerous for a girl to went home alone. Let me give you a ride.”

“It’s okay, Chan. My house isn’t that far,” You said.

“I insist. Besides, there is something that I want to talk with you, alone.”

You ended up accepting his offer and to say that the whole ride kinda awkward was understandable. Chan tried his best to ease the awkwardness by opened a conversation with you, though it was hard.

“So, h-how are you?” He asked. “I didn’t know you’d come to the reunion.”

“I’ve been good,” You answered him.

You didn’t confess that you still think about him sometimes. You didn’t admit that you still listen to his old mixtapes. You don’t reveal that you haven’t completely moved on from him.  

Chan brought an arm up to smooth down the back of his head, a buffer of sorts to indicate that he’s not sure what to say next while his other arm gripped the steering wheel tightly.

It’s now or never.

“First of all, I want to apologize for everything that I did to you. I know I was a jerk back then and regret it. Told you off like that, I still can’t believe how selfish I was no matter how many times I remember it-”

“It’s okay, Chan. You were stressed by works and I should know better to not bother you.

“No, [Name]. You were not wrong, you just showing how much you care and yet I just sent you off like that. I was the one who wrong. No matter how stressed I was, I shouldn’t shout at you. I’m sorry.”

“It’s fine.” You leaned your head to the window, not daring to look at him. “The moment we ended our relationship, I already forgave you. You know how I can’t stay mad at you.”

“I miss us. I miss everything. I miss you, [Name].”

Nothing could have prepared you for that confession. 

It would be a lie if you say that you didn’t feel the same way. Because, no matter how much you tried to erase him from your heart, no matter how far you could move on from him, you couldn’t forget him. He would always be there, inside the special place in your heart. 

You also missed the word ‘us’. 

You miss him too.

After a long silence, you finally found the courage to looked at him, mouth still glued in shock and eyes have turned slightly glassy as he continued.

“I’m sure it’ll be hard to believe everything I say, but I still love you with all of my heart.” Chan took a deep breath, “Will you give me the chance to start everything over, [Name]? This time, I will make sure it works.”

“Chan...”

“I can’t hold back, I’m sorry. I just... miss you so much.” He painfully muttered the last part.

“I miss you too.” You blurted. “I- I still love you too, Chan, always. You’re hard to be forgotten.”

Nothing could describe how you felt that moment after letting everything out. And yet, Chan just kept silent as he processing the truth. In fact, he appeared relief to found this conversation went smoothly than he thought.

Sometimes you drift away from the people most important to you, even lost contact with them. However, It's normal. It's also normal for them to realize their mistakes and want you back in their life. And this time he will never let you go from his grasp again.

[not-all-dead]

angstpril day eight: screaming

CW: death (i think that’s kind of it??? unless you count sad???)

fic under the cut

They watched as Asami was projected from the hummingbird mecha suit. She yelled the word dad as she fell, making it out of the suit mere seconds before Kuvira’s giant metal hand came down on it. There was no mistaking that Hiroshi Sato was now dead.

“Hiroshi’s plan worked,” Korra said in a grave voice.

“There’s our opening.”

There was a hole in the platinum robot, perfect for them to slip through. Lin grabbed Kya around the waist and swung them towards it, Su following quickly after them. Korra, Mako and Bolin made their way up as well, all jumping through the hall just before Kuvira’s hand came down on them again. They made their way to a small corridor with a ladder leading up to the torso of the robot in it before Korra gave the orders.

“We need to move fast. Su, Lin, Kya, climb up to the arm and try to disable that weapon. Mako, Bolin, make your way to the engine and see if you can power this thing down. I’m going after Kuvira,” There was a determined look on the avatar’s face as everyone but Su nodded.

“Are you sure? When you fought Kuvira before…” Su said, watching Korra with concern.

“I know. She almost destroyed me. Not this time,” Korra replied, and at that they split to complete their assignments.

Lin grabbed Kya again and fired a cable to the top of the cavern they were in. Su followed their lead and they pulled themselves up, quickly making it out of the leg. The torso was more open, though there were many various mechanical parts down the centre. They spotted the entrance to the arm and launched up to it, landing hard before the door.

They were immediately attacked by a metalbender, thin sheets flying at them and striking the wall. They ducked before turning to face him.

“We’ll deal with this guy, you disable the weapon,” Lin said.

Both Kya and Su nodded, Kya following Lin down to where the metalbender stood. Lin deflected his attacks while Kya sent ice spikes flying at him, pushing him back to the wall. They heard a crash behind them and looked at each other, Kya glancing back to see a purple light coming from where Su had been moments before. Lin sent a sheet of metal towards the man they’d been fighting with enough force to knock him out and they left him pinned against the wall.

“Nice work,” Lin said when they got back up to the platform, raising an eyebrow and smirking at their sister.

“The outside might be platinum, but we can do a lot of damage in here,” Su responded, looking at the contents of the room.

“Kya, can you cover us?” Lin asked, turning to the waterbender.

“Definitely,” Kya grinned at Lin before turning back to the torso, immediately firing more ice at another metalbender down below.

Lin spun back around to the room and smiled mischievously at Su. Su grinned back and they both reached out, taking hold of as much of the metal in the room as they could. They pulled it towards them, crushing it and throwing it down before stepping forward. They kept pulling, crushing, and throwing the contents of the weapons until there was virtually nothing left.

“There is no way this thing is gonna fire again,” Kya said with a laugh, coming up behind them.

She wrapped her arms around Lin’s waist and gave them a kiss on the cheek, earning a blush from the younger woman.

“Oh, get a room, you two,” Su commented, rolling her eyes with a chuckle.

Kya stepped back, eyeing the heaps of metal on the floor.

“Mmm, you’re just jealous,” She said smoothly, picking up a small hunk of green.

Su was about to protest when the arm around them lurched. All three of them lost their footing as the arm was ripped off and tossed to the ground. Su’s eyes widened and she acted quickly, pulling metal from the wall to wrap around her and Kya’s waists to keep them in place.

Lin was already falling.

They’d been standing closest to the joint when it had happened. The second the arm was gone, so were they. They tried to shoot their cable up, to grab onto something, anything, but it was too late.

Time slowed for Kya. She watched as her wife fell backwards, her heart clenching. It felt like the air was sucked out of her lungs, and all she could see was Lin. Her Lin.

Her scream was soul-crushing. Every ounce of her being poured into it, pushing her voice past its limit. She screamed Lin’s name, praying it would somehow reverse time, would somehow bring them back.

It was only seconds before Su’s metal pulled them back to the wall. To Kya, it felt like hours. Lin’s face filled her head, from the fear in her eyes as they’d started falling to the smile they’d forced as Kya screamed. Kya saw every time they’d blushed, every whisper and brushing of fingers. She saw every moment they’d had together, and then she saw nothing at all.

It was many hours later when she woke up. Her head was throbbing from the impact earlier, and the rest of her ached from the hard Air Temple bed she lay on. Her throat was incredibly sore as she opened her eyes, so she coughed a little to clear it. She sat up groggily and rubbed the side of her face before everything came rushing back.

“Oh, get a room, you two.”

“Mmm, you’re just jealous.”

“LIN!”

Silence.

Kya slapped her hand over her mouth to stifle a sob. Her eyes were wide open, the shock of it all refreshed. She stared at the wall, moisture rising in her eyes, for a long moment before Tenzin made his way over.

How long has he been here? Kya wondered somewhere in the back of her mind, not really caring to know the answer.

She looked up at him as he neared, noticing a slight redness to his eyes.

So, he knows.

“Kya…” He said softly, eyebrows knitting together.

Kya shook her head.

This isn’t happening, she thought.

It was just a dream.

“It wasn’t a dream, Kya. Lin… they…” Tenzin closed his eyes and took a deep breath.

I said that out loud? Kya thought, causing Tenzin’s eyes to shoot open.

He looked at her with confusion and concern.

“Kya, you need rest. You’re not in a good headspace right now,” He reached out to place his hand on her shoulder, gently pushing her down.

Kya shook her head.

No, she thought.

“NO!” She yelled, wrenching herself away from the bed, from Tenzin.

Her throat burned, the rawness from her earlier scream reignited by her outburst. She spun to look at Tenzin, her expression wild with desperation.

“No,” She said again, shoving past him.

Shock stuck to his face like honey as she broke into a sprint, leaving the room and rushing down the hall. She ran away from the temple, pushing her legs faster and faster as she made her way down the long twisting path. Her lungs were aching, her throat and legs on fire as she reached the pier. She didn’t stop until she stood at the very end, her eyes trained on the ruins of republic city.

Her vision blurred as she watched the buildings in the distance burn and crumble in the aftermath of Kuvira’s invasion.

“Get a room, you two.”

She shook her head and blinked, wiping the tears from her eyes.

“Mmm, you’re just jealous.”

She felt someone on the pier, slowly walking towards her.

“LIN!”

She let out a loud sob, crumbling to her knees. Tenzin closed the distance between them, fighting to hold back tears of his own. He stood for a moment, hesitating before sitting next to Kya. He rubbed her back as she wept, whispering “I know, I know,” as he did so. By the time Kya quieted, his face was streaked with dampness as well. There was a heartbreaking look of defeat on his face.

“I’m sorry,” Kya mumbled, shifting her legs so they hung over the end of the dock.

“You have nothing to be sorry for, Kya,” Tenzin said gently, wrapping his arm around his sister.

She leaned into him, tears still rolling down her cheeks. He rested his head on hers, giving her shoulder a slight squeeze.

“They’re really gone,” Kya breathed, her breathing still uneven.

She closed her eyes and pressed her lips together, burrowing her face in Tenzin’s shoulder. Tenzin held her tightly, needing the embrace nearly as much as she did, until the sun began to set. Even then, he only moved to accept blankets from Pema, wrapping them around Kya and his cold bodies. She brought them food as well, though neither sibling felt up to eating. They watched the sky darken over Republic City, each occasionally weeping once again. They fell asleep like that, holding one another on the end of the dock, under the star speckled night sky.

That night, Kya dreamt of Lin. She dreamt of all the time they’d spent apart, the letters they’d exchanged while Kya travelled. She dreamt of the time they’d had together, in Lin’s apartment and around the city. She dreamt of seeing Lin again someday, of going home to them and leaving the others behind. She dreamt of the words they’d exchange upon reuniting, the words she wished she’d said more often.

“I love you,” She’d say, to which Lin would reply; “I love you too, since long before I died.”

[hotchnisspoetry]

Exile - Chapter 4

Chapter 1 - Here

Chatper 2 - Here

Chapter 3 - Here

Hotch finally gets some answers from Emily.

Chapter 4 - death by a thousand cuts

Rossi left and the bullpen was mostly in darkness apart from the light which came from Hotch’s office. Emily removed the sling she’d been wearing since leaving hospital. It was awkward and she didn’t like how she felt when she wore it. She headed along the walkway and without knocking opened the door to Hotch’s office.

The unit chief was sat behind his desk staring at, but not really seeing, a stack of reports. He’d been in New York for several days before the case which had ended with Strauss’ death and following that was the showdown with the replicator. It meant he’d not been at his desk for almost a week and the paperwork was piling up. When she walked in he raised his head and for a moment they locked eyes.

“Everyone’s gone home.” She said just to end the silence.

“Fincher called. He’s given the team the rest of the week off.” Hotch said finally looking away.

“That includes you.” She pointed out.

Was she telling him to leave? Had she changed her mind and accepted the role of section chief? He’d never thought she would take the job but clearly there was a lot he didn’t know about her. Hotch met her gaze and raised an eyebrow.

“Are you trying to get rid of me?” He asked with a just a hint of amusement.

“In a gentle, encouraging, you’ve had a long week and should probably get some rest way, yes.”

She was trying to look out for him, as usual. He flashed back to the days following Foyet’s attack when he was in hospital; whenever he woke up from his heavily medicated sleep she would always be there. Guarding him, protecting him.

“I’ll go… when you’ve told me what happened with Foyet.” Hotch said sitting back in the chair.

Outwardly she didn’t react. Emily was far too good for that. He wasn’t going to catch her out or trick her into doing anything she didn’t want to. She cared for him still, despite everything that had happened between them and yes he would use that to get what he wanted. Right now he didn’t care about anything else but learning the truth.

“What happened is in the past.” Emily said despite knowing she wouldn’t dissuade him.

“Not for me.” He said impatiently. “Not when I just found out an hour ago that I could have lost you.”

You’d already lost me.

She didn’t say the words out loud but she was tempted. Part of her, a small part, wanted to hurt him. Just like he’d hurt her.

“I told you what happened.”

“Not everything. Not enough.” Hotch said

Fincher had used it as a reason to try and get her behind a desk. It had gone badly and Hotch needed details. If he had to he’d go to Fincher on Monday but he didn’t want to do that. He wanted to hear it from her first-hand. Hotch was relentless and he’d get what he wanted one way or another; she knew that. So she might as well tell him now.

Emily took a deep breath.

“I was in Boston and I was digging for anything I could get on Foyet. He found out somehow, I’m not sure how, and started to follow me. I didn’t see him; he was too good but I could feel him watching me, just on the periphery.”

Hotch understood. It was what stalking victims had described many times over the years, not seeing anyone but feeling them. Knowing they were there.

“I spoke with Lindmen and he put me in a safe house.”

Lindeman was her contact at the Boston field office and while he had his own caseload he’d been offering assistance where he could.

“I think he was worried what Fincher would do if I got myself killed. I went along with it because I knew Foyet would find me no matter what I did. He knew Boston. I felt he had inside connections and in the end I was proved right.”

“He found you in a safe house?” Hotch asked, his stomach twisting in knots at her words.

“I wanted him to find me.”

His eyes blazed with anger at that and for a split second she froze, waiting for him to speak. A minute passed though and he stayed silent. Hotch was the King of compartmentalization but she’d never seen him so close to snapping as he was right there.

“A week passed and the officers assigned to the safe house started to think it was bullshit. They wouldn’t believe that the Boston Reaper would come back to Boston.”

Emily couldn’t exactly blame them. Most killers having successfully escaped from jail would flee the city they were most known in and never return. Then again George Foyet was not most killers.

“I knew better though and I tried to warn them but they didn’t listen. That’s what got them killed.”

Boston police wouldn’t like being lectured to by a fed, let alone a young female fed who had no physical evidence of a threat. The Reaper had been their case originally and then the FBI had been called in. It was the BAU who caught Foyet but he’d been in police custody when he escaped. There was a lot of bad feeling regarding the Foyet case and Emily had felt the brunt of it.

“It was after midnight when the power went out. I radioed down but got no response.”

She shifted as she spoke, ignoring the goose bumps which broke out over her body. It had taken months for her to lock those memories away in their box, to completely block out what had happened. Reliving it wasn’t a pleasant experience. She spoke quickly, wanting to get it over with, not linger on these memories.

“I was upstairs and went to the back room to wait. He was already there… it didn’t seem real. I couldn’t go out the door so I ran to the window and went straight through it.”

At the time she’d been acting purely on instinct. If she’d stayed in the room she’d have died. As she’d run to the window she’d seen the glint of the knife as Foyet swung it towards her in a high arch.

“I landed on grass but it messed my knee up. I pulled a shard of glass from my leg but I couldn’t stand let alone walk.”

By this point Hotch couldn’t look at her as she spoke. His fingers were digging into the arm rest of his chair and his jaw was clenched. It was all playing out in his head like the worst horror film he’d ever seen.

“I could hear him approach as I crawled. He grabbed my hair, yanking my head back.”

She’d never told this part of the story before and her voice broke. Hotch lifted his head.

“Keep going.”

It took everything he had to keep the emotion out his voice. To not let on just how much this was killing him. His apparent lack of feeling hurt Emily as much as telling the story did. With a new resolve she didn’t know she possessed, she walked over to his desk, then round and sat on the edge. There was barely any space between them. Without saying a word she took his hand and lifted it from the chair arm he’d been gripping. She brought his fingers to her neck and pressed them across the slender column of her throat.

“He cut my throat.”

Emily knew when he felt the scar. A scar no longer visible thanks to make up and topical treatments but could definitely be felt. His eyes widened and utter horror crossed over his face for almost a full minute. It was only when she dropped his hand and turned her head away that he recovered and that Hotch mask returned.

He wanted to touch her.

To take her hand again, lace his fingers with hers and offer the comfort he knew she needed but would never ask for. She wouldn’t let him if he tried though so he didn’t.

“I had the shard of glass from my leg in my hand. He didn’t see it coming when I stabbed him.”

She smiled as she remembered his angry growl when he saw the glass buried in his side. Foyet had underestimated her from the start and each time she’d proved what a grave mistake that was she’d felt a glow of victory.

“I’d hidden a gun in this ornamental rockery, it was only a few meters away and I managed to get to it.”

Blood had been pouring down her chest but she’d got to the gun and fired off five shots. Two had hit Foyet.

“He had to run… the gunshots would have more police on the way. I’m sure he was positive that I’d bleed out.”

It was a miracle she hadn’t. Only the fact Foyet had sliced at an angle and her ability to slow her breathing and as a result her heart rate had saved her.

“I was in an induced coma for weeks. When I was brought out of it Foyet was dead.” She turned back to Hotch. “You’d killed him.”

Hotch didn’t know what to say. What could you say to that? She’d gone through hell because she’d wanted him to be safe and be reunited with Jack. Her sigh drew him from his thoughts and as he returned his attention to her, she stood.

“I should go.”

She stood up and walked from the desk towards the door. She reached it and he still hadn’t said anything. Was it shock? Horror at what he’d just heard that rendered a man who had once made a career out of talking speechless.

Just as she went for the handle he was there.

Hotch grabbed her arm, spun her round and then his lips were coming down on hers hard. It reminded him of their first kiss. Guilt had been overwhelming him on that night too and she had been there. She was always there. The sweet taste of her pushing away the darkness and offering him escape.

For a second she’d been too stunned to react but as his fingers moved across her back, seeking the bottom of her sweater she was brought back to reality. She pushed him away, ignoring that small voice in her head which was urging him on.

“No. No, you don’t get to do that.” She said

“You don’t want me to kiss you?” He asked, his voice light and calm but at complete odds with the lust filling his eyes.

Anger quickly replaced any sense of desire and need she had felt for him. Anger that he would think he could just kiss her and she wouldn’t say anything after everything that had transpired between them. Did he really think it would be so easy?

“It doesn’t matter what I want because you broke up with me. That was your decision Hotch!”

“And it was the biggest mistake of my life.”

It was what she’d wanted to hear for so long. Actually hearing those words knocked the fight out of her. He regretted ending their relationship. Was he admitting that? Evidently that surprise was clear on her face because he sighed and ran his hand over his face.

“I never thought you’d leave. It never fucking occurred to me you’d quit and leave D.C.” Hotch told her.

“You thought you’d break my heart and I’d stick around?”

She couldn’t keep the pain from her voice and she didn’t want to. He needed to know how deeply he’d hurt her.

“I never wanted to cause you any pain.” Hotch said softly. “I needed to keep you safe.”

Safe?

An almost hysterical laugh bubbled forth and Emily couldn’t have stopped it if she tried. He was trying to keep her safe? It sounded ridiculous and by the time she could finally stop laughing nothing was funny.

“Well that worked out well, didn’t it?” She said with a shrug.

There was a split second when he thought she was going to burst into tears. He stepped forwards without thought, to take her in his arms and give her comfort but she jerked back.

“Did you forget about Beth?” Emily asked

The name was like a bucket of cold water. Yes, he had completely forgotten about her.

“Beth.” He murmured.

“Your girlfriend. You’ve been with her a while now.” Emily said

How could he have forgotten? Not made the simplest of connections. He was a profiler for god sake. Emily had told him that she’d been in charge of their security detail for months now; ensuring he and the others were safe wherever they went. That would include when he went to New York to visit Beth.

“She’s…” He swallowed. “She’s not…”

“Important?” Emily finished and gave him a pointed look. “We both know that’s not true. You don’t do anything casually and that definitely includes dating.”

Hotch had spent nights with her, weekends. That’s how Emily knew that it was serious. He didn’t do one-night stands or flings. He wasn’t that kind of man. She walked to the door and opened it, effectively ending whatever this was.

“I’ll see you on Monday.”

[alittlewhump]

Unbidden - Act 2, chapter 8

Masterlist | Previous | Next

Content warnings: None

Morgan followed the sound of voices through the archives. He'd taken a more familiar route this time, one that skirted closer to the markets than he'd liked. Blaise and Cain were discussing something, but Cain stopped mid-sentence when he spied Morgan.

"Morgan! It's good to see you again, friend, though I had not expected you so soon." Morgan allowed himself a small smile. He'd missed Cain and his stories, his easy friendliness.

Blaise spun around to face him. "What are you doing here? You-" She seemed to lose her train of thought briefly as her eyes lingered at the collar of his shirt. "You should be resting."

"I want to make up for the time I've lost," Morgan said, growing serious again. He didn't feel tired, exactly, and anyway there was no respite to be found in his shared room. "There are demons seeking the tomb of Tal Rasha as well. Time is of the essence. What is it you've found?"

He couldn't read Blaise's expression as he came around the table to look at the books laid out across it. It turned out that finding the tomb would only be half the problem. There was a specific artifact needed to open it, and it had been split into pieces. A staff, which Morgan recognized from a tour of the local museum, and an amulet, which Blaise had already managed to recover from the demons who had held it. But it was not as simple as just having the pieces; there was a strange device required to bind them together, and that was guarded in yet another tomb by magical traps set by an ancient order of mages known as the Horadrim. Cain was familiar with this order, luckily enough, and was certain that he would be able to use the device once they'd located it, and it looked like Blaise had already eliminated several options from a long list of possible locations for that tomb.

It was growing late in the day, though, and Blaise flatly refused to start a new expedition before the morning. "You might be fine," she groused, not sounding as though she believed that to be the case at all, "but I'm hungry and tired. I'm going back to the palace. You can come with me, if you want. You could probably use the rest."

Morgan didn't want to go back, not yet. He looked down at the map on the table in front of him. Most of the marked locations were far enough from the city to be troublesome, but within a reasonable distance of a waypoint. Potentially good ways to keep himself occupied, to make sure his skills hadn't suffered too badly from disuse. Unfortunately, he'd never accessed most of the waypoints. He would need help with that.

"I'll stay here for the night. I can catch up on research." He paused. Perhaps someone else could act as a guide, someone he wasn't already deeply indebted to. "Is there someone who could show me to these waypoints?"

"Yeah. Me. Tomorrow." No luck there, then. Blaise put one hand on her hip. "Are you really sure you want to stay here?"

"Yes." He'd fled his room for a reason. If he didn't have something useful to focus his attention on now, he was going to come apart at the seams. He just needed to occupy himself, and that was going to be much easier here.

"All right, fine. But I'm not going to take you anywhere tomorrow if you haven't gotten any rest."

Anger flared suddenly hot in Morgan's chest. She kept insisting he rest, as though he hadn't just lost - how much time exactly wasn't clear, but it was certainly at least a few days of precious time, while she apparently picked up the slack. Did she still think of him as a child, someone who needed to be taken care of? Just another responsibility to shoulder? He slammed his open hand down on the table, growling "I don't want-"

He caught himself there, squeezed his eyes shut. Took a deep breath. Control. She had every reason to see him as an inconvenience, and that wasn't important. How others perceived him was inconsequential, he reminded himself. The only thing that really mattered was the Balance. His most important task was to find and stop the demons intent on upsetting it, and he wasn't going to get any closer to that goal by antagonizing a person who could help him. What he needed was her cooperation, not her respect.

"I apologize for that outburst," he said, opening his eyes but keeping them deferentially cast down. "It was not called for. I have had my fill of sitting idle, but I will rest when I need to."

Blaise was silent for a moment. "That's... whatever. Fine. See you tomorrow." She left without further comment. Morgan smoothed down the paper he'd rumpled in his childish show of temper. Not counting the claw vipers, it had been a long while since the last time he'd let himself get agitated to the point of lashing out. He was still on edge, not feeling quite settled in his skin after all that had happened. How long was it going to take him to get back to normal? He would have to focus his meditation on regaining emotional control for a while. This type of behaviour was totally unacceptable.

Cain cleared his throat. "Shall we continue? I believe I have at least another half hour in me today." He smiled warmly and Morgan relaxed a little. He could count on the scholar to leave well enough alone, to focus on the task at hand as he so badly needed to do.

"Yes, please."

Cain dedicated the better part of the next hour to filling in details about the Horadrim and their role in imprisoning Baal. He had managed to put together a diagram of the runes he suspected would be holding the demon lord in place, which Morgan set aside carefully to memorize later. He also had a general idea of the area where the Horadric cube, the device required to reunite the staff, was located, and what manner of traps would be securing it. The trouble was that the desert landscape had shifted over the intervening years, so none of the nearby landmarks were there any more. It was in this general area that Blaise had been concentrating her efforts, having gotten clearance from her superiors to pursue the lead. She had made impressive progress. Hopefully she would still be willing to work with Morgan after he'd repaid her efforts with nothing but a short temper. She didn't tend to accept apologies well, though. He'd just have to work harder at making himself useful.

After Cain retired for the evening, Morgan settled into what felt like a reasonable pattern of alternating between study and meditation. He had to ease himself into it at first; the urge to focus all of his energy on the problem of finding the cube was very strong. But the longer he studied, the more he realized he did need to rest himself properly. Once he passed the initial hurdle of forcing himself to stop and meditate, it was actually a relief to do so. It was good to meditate with peaceful intent again. The familiar, uninterrupted mental exercises were calming in a way he'd sorely missed, and it felt like a luxury to be able to sit in a comfortable chair again. Of course, everything felt like a luxury, compared to... well. It was nice to have a fresh appreciation for the small things.

By the time the sun was coming up, Morgan was satisfied that his understanding was at least adequate. Blaise and Cain found him leaning over the table comparing two maps, trying to pick out notable landmarks from the older one that might still be recognizable in some way.

"Good morning," he greeted them, looking up from his comparison a few seconds later. Both appeared to be in reasonably good spirits.

"Morning. So, do you still want to go out today, or do you want to keep studying?" Blaise lingered at the threshold while Cain made his way around the large table.

"I'd like to join the search today. I've rested," Morgan added quickly at the expression that flickered across her face. "More than I expected. I can keep up."

"Right. Get your gear and some breakfast then, we should go before it gets too much hotter."

Morgan flinched as a hand came down on his own. He'd almost forgotten Cain's tendency towards this sort of casual contact. The old man patted his hand twice, smiling encouragingly.

"Do stay safe out there. Good luck."

"Thank you," Morgan said, sliding his hand away. "I'll meet you at the waypoint," he suggested as he headed past Blaise. She didn't agree or refuse, instead following him out of the archives wordlessly. She only broke her silence once they were outside.

"You know you don't have to do this," she said, uncharacteristically quiet. Morgan searched her face, but couldn't identify the expression on it.

"No, I do. I can't just stand by and do nothing as evil gathers its forces. As a follower of-" he caught himself, remembering they were out in public. "I am obligated to do everything in my power to ensure that Darkness does not triumph over the Light," he explained instead.

"After all you - I mean, don't you think you've done enough by now?" Her unreadable expression didn't budge. At least it wasn't anger, he decided. That was a positive.

"No. There is no 'enough' until the Balance is righted. And even then, there will always be more to do." It wasn't a single task to be completed, it was a duty that extended past the definition of 'lifelong' as most people knew it. Long after his body was dust, even long after his spirit faded, there would still be more to do. It just wouldn't be his to do any more. But since there was still life in him in this world, he had to keep working toward the larger goal.

Blaise seemed unsatisfied with his response, but they had reached the waypoint. "Well, I guess I'll scout ahead while you get yourself together. If I'm not here when you get back, just wait for me."

"Very well." He turned to head towards the palace. If he was fast enough, he could get equipped and still visit the marketplace before it got too busy. There was a vendor who sold nuts and cheeses, good nutrient-dense foods that would be suitable for eating while travelling. It would save time if he could avoid larger meals altogether.

Morgan was relieved to find his room empty when he reached it. It wasn't that he didn't want to see Jemali, exactly, but he wasn't looking forward to it either. Not before he managed to get a handle on his emotions. To dismiss the lingering ache of disappointment that he'd invited in by allowing himself to believe briefly, stupidly, that the kindness he'd received had been anything other than a transaction. Of course he knew better, but it had been a moment of weakness. Nothing to do for it but try to get stronger.

His equipment was still as he'd left it. Despite not wanting to keep Blaise waiting longer than necessary, he let himself fall into an easy rhythm of tightening and checking buckles, running his fingers along the edges of the straps to find any thinning or splitting spots. It was a pleasantly tactile exercise, and the familiarity was a comfort.

The small bag of trinkets had been placed back with the others. It was tempting to go through them, to satisfy his vague curiosity about the cost of Jemali's service, but he'd already spent more time than he intended here. It was time to move on to the marketplace, then the desert. Yes, it was good to have an itinerary again.

[the-hopeless-haze]

Somebody Sit in My Chair and Ruin My Sleep (Being Alive Ch 15)

A/N: Idk how I feel about this chapter but here u go I guess lol

Previous Chapter

content warnings: implied smut

WC: 1.9k

Rafael didn’t have any idea what he was walking into on Monday morning, but Jesus Christ, the fact that you let the squad know what happened - down to the very last detail, it seemed - was a horror show. Amanda avoids him in some show of female solidarity, Nick shoots him sympathetic looks, and Sonny - fucking Sonny asks Rafael how he is and won’t stop asking how you were, if he’d heard from you.

But why should he expect mercy from the woman who turned down his proposal?

And maybe he deserved it. Maybe he should’ve tried to read the room instead of just pushing forward. You had been right - that night certainly wasn’t the prime time for a proposal in the slightest. Hindsight is always 20/20, and he keeps remembering moments where you were slipping away inch by inch like sand past his fingertips, and he can’t believe how stupid he was that he chose to swallow it down and chalk it up as nothing instead of sitting down and actually talking to you.

Still, communication is a two way street, and instead of sending him vague signals that he was too obtuse to decipher, you could’ve sat down and talked to him too.

It’s so much easier to assign blame than take it, isn’t it?

Ultimately, though, he just couldn’t believe you weren’t on the same page as him. Didn’t you always say you wanted all these things? Weren’t you happy that Rafael finally felt he was ready, too? Perhaps though, in the midst of all his internal turmoil he truly forgot to assess your feelings on the matter. Yes, you said you wanted children, yes, your parents constantly threw comments his way about settling down with you, and yes, you’d told him on multiple occasions he wasn’t too old to get married if that’s truly what he wanted.

But where was your actual opinion on marrying him in any of this? It was lost in between the need you no doubt felt to constantly comfort Rafael about his current misgivings and past misfortunes and your parents’ well-meaning but busy-bodied comments. It was clouded by Rafael’s own mother’s opinions, and hell, even Sonny’s - everyone was so afraid Rafael was going to lose you that they pressured him into offering you a ring and a promise of forever - but little did anyone know that by doing just that... he had in fact lost you anyway.

His mother was devastated, weeping about how you would’ve made such a lovely bride, how she was already looking at suits for Rafael and venues for the wedding... he couldn’t handle it and left her apartment after ten minutes of her lamentation. He should’ve never told her, he should’ve never been so sure of what was going on in your head, because now he realizes he never had any idea. No one did.

So now, he snaps at Sonny, because Sonny is guilty by way of telling him “oh sure, she’ll say yes” like anyone knew what the fuck you would do when the question was finally asked. Maybe you didn’t even know until he was down on one knee. Still, Rafael can’t help wondering if things would be different if the car accident never happened - deep down, he knows there were signs you were pulling away after Thanksgiving, but it’s so much easier to blame Sonny for it. You wouldn’t have sunk so low in a deep depression if you could’ve worked, if you weren’t immobilized by your injury... but would you have loved Rafael enough anyway?

“Will you shut the fuck up?” Rafael hisses at the younger detective. “You’ve been talking my ear off all morning.”

“Whoa, Barba, wake up on the wrong side of the bed today or what? I was just getting you up to speed on the case—“

“I’ve read the file. You don’t need to.”

“Fine. Liv’s in her office but I suggest cooling the attitude, because she’s not in a good mood either. Noah was sick and kept her up all night.”

“Lovely.”

And then, by some sick twist of fate, you walk through the door, and Rafael’s stomach turns. Never did you look so gorgeous, so beautiful, so fucking untouchable than you did now. It’s the first time in weeks he’s seen you in a blazer and slacks, the first time he’s seen you look like you gave a shit in months. And maybe that’s unfair - you were struggling, per your own admission - but it almost feels like all you had to do was lose the weight of Rafael and all his baggage that came with being in a relationship with him, and you were good as new.

He wonders how many of his exes could tell a similar story to yours, if that were truly the case.

You meet his eyes for a split second and he wants to drop dead. You give him a haughty smirk and head over to Amanda’s desk, turning your back to him.

Why couldn’t you just fucking leave like you’d said you would? It’d be so much easier if you did just go back home but like everything else that came out of your mouth that was merely a half baked promise you had no intention of making good on.

And maybe Rafael should’ve called you this weekend, but he couldn’t swallow his pride and come back to you with his tail between his legs after you rejected the proposal he’d worked all his life to be able to give. You never called him either, but if this was going to go anywhere, someone would have to talk first.

But shouldn’t it have to be you? You’re the one who asked for space. He’s giving it. What the fuck else was he supposed to do?

But now that you’re not living with him, now that you’re not even with him at all, you’re completely unpredictable. Never in his wildest dreams did he think you’d come over to him and Sonny, flash him your best sardonic lipglossed smile, and ask to borrow Sonny for a moment.

Rafael can’t even think straight, he can barely breathe, the rage coming up like bile and tightening his throat. How could you stand there and act like nothing was different now?

“Sure,” he snaps.

“Whoa, no need for the attitude, Rafael,” you say sweetly. “We can all play nice, right?”

Rafael doesn’t say anything, can’t say anything… he just shakes his head and walks to Olivia’s office. How could you compartmentalize like that, he’d love to know. Wasn’t this killing you, too?

The rest of the day proves to go by smoother, thankfully, albeit minor annoyances that come up like a snippy altercation with Olivia due to both of their bad moods and a taxi driver haggling him about the fare. Rafael still cannot wait to come back to his office and savor his fourth cup of coffee today after running around the city all morning, put his feet up and do some paperwork…

But you’re there, in his chair, with your feet up on his desk.

“Get out,” Rafael says before you can utter a word.

“I want to talk,” you say innocently.

“I don’t. Get out. Who the hell let you in here?”

“Carmen, duh. She still thinks we’re together, apparently.”

“Do I have to call security?”

You stare at him blankly. “You’d really call security?”

Rafael rolls his eyes, throws his briefcase on a nearby chair. “What the hell do you want?”

“Where do we go from here?”

“Nowhere. You ended it.”

“Okay, no, I just said I needed space. I didn’t end it--”

“Right. I need to work.”

“Okay. We’ll meet later then,” you nod, standing up.

“I didn’t agree--”

“I’ll be back in a few hours. I got to head back to the precinct in fifteen minutes anyway.”

Rafael hates doing this, showing a moment of vulnerability, but he has to ask, “Are you staying? In New York, I mean.”

“For now,” you say, softening too. “Obviously. I talked to Liv for a long time, talked to my dad.. And… I don’t know if being back home is the best course for me either. I’m just trying to get back to some semblance of normal, you know?”

“Right.”

“I’ll see you,” you say, walking past him and leaving his office.

How many years would it be before he did figure you out?

------

The two of you don’t really talk much at first when you reunite later on that evening. Rafael draws the shades in his office, and it’s all pulling at clothes, at skin, at hair and you’re not proud of it but you also don’t really regret that you let it get that far. You missed him, in an annoyingly cloying way, and what was better than makeup sex when the two of you were still pissed off at each other?

“You need…. You need to go to therapy,” Rafael pants after coming down from his high.

You have to laugh at that. Maybe that was only the 7th most offensive thing someone had said to you after sex. And, annoyingly, he was right, even if his delivery and timing could’ve been light years better.

“Mm. I know,” you tell him, pulling him in to kiss him again, his sweaty chest sticking to your back as you pull off him to lay, or rather squeeze next to him on the couch.

“You need to--”

“Let’s not get into the shit I need to do right now, okay? I know I have things to sort out. So do you.”

“Right. I’m sorry. I’m trying to help, and I’m trying to understand, but--”

“Right now… don’t. Just fuck me like that again.”

Rafael chuckles - damn, it was only two days and you missed his laugh that much? It just tugs on your heartstrings in the worst way, but you suppose it proves how much you love him, how you couldn’t just put this down. You hated being the first to let your guard down, to bring yourself to his office not once but twice… but you couldn’t bear to lose him, either, and you’d hurt him where no one else had. It had to be you who offered a new start.

“I need to eat, mujer. And as tempting as that sounds… we need a change in location anyway.”

You nod in assent. “Fine.”

Neither of you get much sleep that night, as you split a bottle of wine and a pizza and talk, cry, fuck, whatever… but it’s a long sleepless night you wouldn’t have traded for the world. Things are different between you two, naturally, but something has to be shed to grow, and maybe you left some good things behind along with the bad things, but it’s how these things go. You can’t expect a relationship to be standing firm after a rejected proposal. For the moment, you’re just happy the two of you found a way to get back up.

As you curl into Rafael’s arms at four in the morning, you don’t feel at peace - lord knows you still have so many things to worry about - but you do feel better, and if that’s all you can get right now, you had to be okay with that.

Taglist (ask if you wanted to be added!) @stormtrooperofficerbrowneyes​ @thatesqcrush​ @law-nerd105​ @blackeyedangel9805​ @moon-river-drifter​ @the-baby-bookworm​ @dianilaws​ @xecq​ @lv7867​ @teddybluesclues​ @averyhotchner​ @houseofthirst​ @stardust-fray​

[osir-ethria]

...... I have ideas and all but if anyone finds my head canons interesting enough feel free to ask me about a topic that I can turn into a head canon or scenario/drabble/mini story/one shot. If anyone does do this then fair warning I may not immediately respond or it may take me a bit to think of something or create said something. Or I may not choose to respond to it if I don’t feel comfortable to do so.

_____________________________

For now, Happy B-Day Weiss! (I finally got an idea and it’s probably late to some people but it’s still May 15th for me so here we go.)

_____________________________

How RWBYJNRWWWQEOK+AceOps and maybe Sun and Neptune act today... Maybe Raven and Tai too, I want Raven to join them and Tai to reunite. More so let’s just have the entire found family.

(Setting they are in a building, not a tent. Like maybe a room in Haven or after Salem fight and they survive but making sure the world doesn’t break is becoming stressful on the group because they were main figures in the war. Now hold leading positions that I won’t get into but y’know it be hard for them.)

First is the mutual agreement to LET WEISS SLEEP IN TILL LIKE NOON. They be letting the Ice Queen rest especially with all the bullshit she has to put up with on a daily basis and the fact she hasn’t slept properly in days.

Weiss does try to wake up, thinking it’s a normal day but it isn’t, Ruby pins her to the bed where she is laying on top of Ice Queen. Weiss doesn’t have the strength to resist and just lays there asking Blake and Yang for help but no response. She eventually passes out again and Ruby gives Weiss her cape before sneaking out.

Yang and Blake go out to get ingredients and anything they need to make a meal of the size of the party they are going host for Weiss.

Ruby is making cookies with the current ingredients, Yang’s style based on Summer’s recipe, and Winter is getting some coffee ready.

Whitley, Ren, and Jaune are organizing presents. I’ll list what they got Weiss.

Ruby: A pocketknife she made, girl be way into weapons. (I’m giving you choice here, choose the design.)

Yang: (She be making the cake but y’know) I like the idea she gets Bumblebee back and it would be upgraded. Taking Weiss on a ride with it.

Blake: Simple but gets the new White Fang badge with the Schnee insignia as an acceptance. Would offer to help her with duel wielding after learning that she can and had to do so when they fell.

Jaune & Neptune: They’d go off on how much of assholes they were during Beacon. Jaune for not taking “No” as an answer and Neptune acting the way he did. Weiss would get a good laugh then retaliate with “I was just as much of an asshole as you two but thanks for saying that.”

Ren: Would carve out the flower he associates Weiss with the most out of wood and paint it over perfectly.

Nora: Depending on the timeline either new kitchen ware or take over any manual labor tasks for the next week for her. Maybe both.

Willow: She found a store filled with puzzles of all sorts. Buy Weiss three and a book on puzzle making and concept. Probably get her a lot of information based books but she knows by now that Weiss likes them and isn’t weary on if it’s the right thing to buy.

Whitley (Depending on if CVFY joins then with Coco): New stylized clothing of both grouped “feminine” and “masculine”... Do you hear my sarcasm. They just styled and got tailored Weiss’ new wardrobe. Whitley has the courtesy of a sweater/hoodie with FIGHT on the back representing her response to Jacques’s abuse. Also got Winter one with ‘Flight to Fight’, Willow one with “Froze but Thawed”, and himself “Fawned but Freed”. Just something nice. (Klein got a hoodie with “True Schnee Dad” on it and I don’t take no for an answer).

Winter: Got Myrenaster sharpened, taking over all ‘logically enduring’ tasks of the next week that don’t require Weiss specifically. Going out to dinner the next day but that’s the next day. With the help of Ruby she picked out new jewelry. The one she thought would suit Weiss the most was a custom made necklace with silver, the Schnee emblem, and small rubies.

Klein: Did a stand up comedy act with his many split personalities with a little help from Neo. There, that’s Neo contribution. Acts like his butler self for the day which brings a rather nice nostalgia to a poor past.

Qrow: After years of traveling together, much to Winter’s dismay, he has allowed Weiss to refer to him as Uncle if she wants to. Paid for the material to her new wardrobe by Whitley and Coco.

Tai: Helps her with hand to hand combat. Knitted a sweater for her that has some goofy dad joke on it in reference to her. (Btw, as much as Weiss cringed she loves the damn thing.)

Raven: Goes on the whole apology, she did a big one for everyone but this one was directly for Weiss. She teaches Weiss how she made the dust blades and the whole concept, and to Weiss’s request, will be teaching Ruby the same thing. (I wouldn’t take it as an unknown thing, dust blades, but it’s difficult to craft and you need to master it perfectly.)

Emerald: Probably also put on something funny but this time she’d disguise herself as Jacques for an hour as Weiss goes all out on how much he hates him. Best thing to watch and the entire time Emerald has to keep herself from breaking down by the reminder that this is towards Jacques not her. After the whole ordeal Weiss hugs Emrald thanking her and said she acted him out perfectly.

(You guys got to think of other characters, I can’t think of anything else for presents right now while writing this.)

Weiss wakes up after, after Ruby finished cookies and Winter coffee and Klein a proper breakfast, and she is greeted by both of them along with Whitley and Willow. Ruby is smiling animatedly which always gets Weiss to grin, Winter sits down on the edge of the bed with a calmer smile but she has gotten better with emotion, Willow is at the edge with a motherly look that Weiss starts to cry a bit, and Whitley has climbed onto the bed and is on the other side of his sister, sitting there, smiling.

Ruby places her breakfast down before using her semblance in a quick burst to get directly to Weiss’s right side and lean on her. A few rose petals are there but nothing has been disturbed. (At this point the Schnees have gotten used to Ruby’s and Weiss’ closeness, either as partners or if you ship them like me then maybe more.)

After brunch she is dragged out by Ruby again to just lounge about the town or city. Weiss is saying that she should be doing tasks and Ruby is always responding with “nope” which leads Weiss to give up.

When dinner comes they go back and to Weiss’s surprise their entire group is there with presents, food, and a huge cake. They all scream happy birthday to Weiss and she starts crying. Past birthdays for her weren’t great and she has gotten used to smaller celebrations by her team, but seeing all those she considers family here, she breaks.

Gets all the hugs, Ice Queen deserves them.

Afterwards she just outright says-

“I honestly forgot it was my birthday, just thought everyone was being soft for no reason.”

Everyone is stunned but in the end everyone is laughing.

The rest of the night is a blast, everyone is having fun, Weiss roles her eyes at most of the presents or smiles genuinely. Just Weiss smiling the entire time because of pure joy. They get Sun to use a aura clone to take a picture of their entire group which is huge. That was using Velvet’s camera.

(Weiss treasures that photo like it’s more expensive than any jewel/gem one will find.)

As a last gift given by her team they all do a snuggle pile when they sleep. Yang holding all of them, Blake snuggling into Yang’s left side, Ruby either snuggling into Yang’s right side or Weiss, Weiss’s arms a little under Yang and just wrapping around far enough to just meet Blake, and Blake has her arm, like Weiss, going as far as it can.

It’s loving Weiss day and I wrote this as me showing how much I love her.

[batterycityghoul]

There’s a Bad Moon on the Rise (Ben Hanscom/Reader) (1/3)

Summary: You're Richie's twin sister and a member of the Losers' Club. When the other members all pack up and leave town, you elect to stay behind with Mike to wait for It to come back. After 27 years pass and Pennywise returns, will you and the other Losers be able to finally defeat him?

Pairing: Ben Hanscom/Reader; Richie Tozier & Reader; Background Richie Tozier/Eddie Kaspbrak

Word Count: 6.2k

Author’s Note: This is finished at 16k. I decided to split it up into three parts to make it easier. If you enjoy this, then letting me know would make my day! If you’ve seen It: Chapter Two, then you know what you’re in store for regarding warnings...but with the added fun of some canon divergence! 

Masterlist / Read on AO3

The summer of 1989 was one of the most terrifying and exhilarating times of your life.

Growing up, all you really had was your twin brother, and by extension, his group of friends. The girls at school never gave you the time of day, which was the way you preferred it, and most of the guys were completely disgusting.  

By the time school let out in June of '89, your only plans involved hanging out with Richie and his friends while avoiding Henry Bowers and his gang if at all possible.  

Of course, you didn't count on Pennywise.  

The Losers’ Club rose and fell that summer all thanks to the clown who seemed hellbent on traumatizing you all for life.  

You were used to the little group that consisted of you, Richie, Eddie, Stan, and Bill. You had grown used to their antics and usually had to be the first to talk them out of their more dangerous plans. Most days, they drove you absolutely crazy. You figured that was probably par for the course since you were the only girl among a group of boys.  

Surprisingly enough, you got along with all of them. Richie was your twin and the person who knew you best. Out of anyone else in the world, you knew that if you had to, you would die for him. He could be a bit of a jackass, but he loved you in his own way.  

Eddie was the worrier of the group. He was always the first to voice a concern, no matter how outlandish it might seem. You spent half your time with Eddie reassuring him that he was fine and the other half trying to get him out of his own head so he would actually enjoy his time with the group.  

Stan was the other much-needed voice of reason for the group. Both of you had to work overtime to keep the others out of trouble and ended up bonding because of it. When you were just a little too done with the others, you looked to Stan to pick up where you left off. Richie liked to joke that maybe you were misplaced at birth and actually Stan's twin since you two were so alike at times.  

And then there was Bill. He seemed to be the unofficial leader of the group, because everyone always turned to him for a plan. He was sweet and despite the tragedy he went through with Georgie, he always wanted to help.  

He was also the one in the group that you had a giant crush on.  

Crushing on one of your brother's best friends was inconvenient at best. Mostly, you were sure Bill only saw you as his best friend's sister and left it at that. At the very least, even if you wished he saw you as more, you could still always count on Bill to have your back.  

So, while you were more than happy with the friends you had because of Richie, you couldn’t help but wonder if your little group would ever grow.  

Fortunately, that summer, three more kids joined The Losers' Club.  

Ben Hanscom, or Ben Handsome as you liked to call him, literally dropped right into your lives. He was shy and sweet and you found yourself gravitating towards him as time went on. He seemed to have a doomed crush on Beverly while you were totally miserable over your feelings for Bill. You spent many moments with Ben, both of you commiserating over the wreck that was your love lives.  

After Ben joined the group, Beverly Marsh was soon to follow. She was funny and fierce and fearless. You couldn't help but admire the way she absolutely took no shit from any of the others and even managed to fit in with the group of misfits that made up The Losers' Club.  

Mike Hanlon seemed to be the final piece of the puzzle you didn't even realize was missing until the infamous rock war against Henry Bowers and his gang. To your surprise, you and the other Losers managed to win, and it seemed the prize was Mike Hanlon. He was studious and calm in a way that leveled out the group. You were grateful for his presence when he joined, because he soon became your only anchor in the whirlwind that was soon to overtake your life.  

You were glad for the friends you made that summer. Without them, you weren't sure if all of you would have survived. Pennywise would have come after one or all of you and without the others, you might not have made it.  

Storming Neibolt House the first time was only the first fracture you experienced as a group, though. After Eddie broke his arm and everyone went their separate ways, you were scared about what it would do to you. As a group, you all stood a chance against Pennywise. But alone with only your brother to fall back on? You couldn't help but think that it would be oh-so-easy for Pennywise to take his revenge on you all.  

You spent most nights terrified out of your mind that the shadows on the wall spelled your doom. The near-constant fear seemed to only help you bond with Richie more. You spent most nights in his bedroom, staying up until all hours of the night, and doing your best to not flinch at any and every strange noise.  

You watched Richie slowly fall apart without the other Losers. You knew there was one in particular he was missing the most, but you didn't push him to talk about his feelings for Eddie. Derry in '89 wasn't the most welcoming place for what Richie was going through and Henry Bowers and his bigotry in no way made it better. All you could do was let Richie know you loved him and accepted him no matter what and he seemed to take solace in that.  

The group didn't reunite until Beverly was taken by Pennywise.  

Going back to Neibolt House to confront Pennywise felt like the most idiotic decision you had ever made, but it was your only choice if you wanted Beverly back. You were so terrified that she would be dead like the other missing kids, and even though you tried not to let fear rule your movements, it was hard not to jump at every shadow or errant noise down in the tunnels.  

In the heat of the battle against Pennywise, when he flashed his several rows of sharp teeth your way, you almost hesitated. You could easily imagine those teeth tearing through your flesh and ripping you apart. It was Bill's voice urging you to swing at Pennywise that had you using the piece of wood in your hand to attempt to hurt Pennywise.  

By the time Pennywise had managed to escape, you were exhausted. Stan was hurt. Beverly was acting odd. Bill had broken down after having to essentially kill Pennywise's borrowed form of Georgie. The rest of you were still shaken and terrified, but everything you suffered through only seemed to work in your favor afterwards. The group came back together and you couldn't help but think that you felt invincible. If you could go up against a murderous clown with your best friends, then there was absolutely nothing you couldn't do.  

Despite everything you all went through and achieved that summer, it wasn't long before the group broke apart again. By the end of that summer, The Losers lost a member. It was a trend that would continue over the next few years until there were only two left in Derry.  

Beverly was the first to leave. She promised to write, but something weird happened. Once Beverly left Derry, you didn't hear from her. You could tell it worried Bill and the others, but a part of you wondered if it wasn't for the best after everything Beverly had endured in Derry. If you could, you would have wanted to cut ties with the town as well. Although, you hated that she also seemed to be cutting ties with The Losers’ Club.  

After Beverly, Ben's family left. And then Bill. And then Stan.  

By the time it was only you, Richie, Mike, and Eddie, you started to wonder what the future held for all of you. You started to wonder if they were ever coming back.  

Eddie and Richie planned on leaving for college, but you had known that you were going to hang back in Derry. You were going to stay with Mike and wait for It to return.  

It was something both of you had decided on and while Mike insisted he would be fine on his own, you knew that it would be a very lonely existence to spend twenty-seven years in Derry just waiting for Pennywise to resurface. You knew that Mike would need someone to help him through the worst of it and while you knew it didn't have to fall to you, you also didn't notice anyone else sacrificing themselves.  

It didn't make it any easier to say goodbye to Richie and Eddie once they finally left.  

"Are you sure you don't want to get out of this shithole?" Richie was watching you as if he had half a mind to just shove you in his car and drive as far away as he could. "You don't have to stay."

"Yeah," you told him with a sad smile. "I kind of do."

"Well, I'll call," he assured you with a pat to your shoulder.  

"Sure," you agreed. He wouldn't. He would forget. You were sure that was what happened when you left Derry. You just forgot. Forgot the town. Forgot the life you led there. Forgot everything.  

If you forgot Pennywise, then how would you ever know to come back and try to finish the job? No, you would stay in the cursed town with Mike and wait. That was all you could really do.  

You watched Richie go with a feeling of dread in the pit of your stomach.  

It wasn't so terrible at first. Pennywise wasn't around to terrorize the residents of Derry or making meals out of fearful children, so a sleepy contentment settled over the town. It was peaceful, but incredibly boring.  

Mike managed to secure a job at Derry Public Library while you started working the check-in desk at The Derry Townhouse.  

You found that even with Mike's company, you still felt incredibly lonely. You found yourself flipping through photo albums and wishing that Richie would call. You wanted to hear how Beverly was doing and if Bill was working on a new book. You wanted to ask Richie if he ever made a move on Eddie or if they went their separate ways. You wanted to see how Stan was doing and if Ben was making a name for himself as a renowned architect.  

You never did, though. If the others didn't remember Derry, then maybe it was for the best.  

You usually spent most nights having dinner with Mike. He was doing his best to research Derry's history and figure out Pennywise's origins. He figured if he could just figure out one weakness, then it would give you all a fighting chance when Pennywise inevitably came back to wreak havoc on Derry.  

Despite how much you hated it, time wore on. Some years seemed to drag on while others flew by. It seemed like you were bringing Mike a sandwich at Derry Public Library when he mentioned forgetting his lunch at home in 2009 and then suddenly it was 2015 and you were starting to see Christmas decorations appear around town.  

You were at the library one night in mid-December, waiting for Mike to finish shelving returns so you could eat dinner together. It was your turn to cook, so you were planning on making spaghetti and meatballs. Mike had already mentioned the leftover birthday cake in the staff breakroom that was up for grabs, so you were hoping to have some for dessert.  

You were sitting at the front desk, scrolling through a news article about Richie adding more dates to his US tour, and trying to distract yourself from growling stomach. You felt a strange mix of grief and pride as you read the article. You were so proud of your brother, but you mourned the years you missed watching him grow in his career and as a person. There was an ache you got every time you checked up on the other Losers, but it was especially fierce when you came across any news about Richie. It seemed unnatural to have to go without your twin for nearly twenty-seven years and some days you didn't know if you could stand it anymore.  

"You know what's coming, don't you? You know what has to happen?"

You startled at the sound of Mike's voice coming from just behind you. He was reading the article over your shoulder, a sad smile on his face when he looked to you.  

You bit your lip before nodding your head. "They have to come back. They have to help us."  

Over the years, you had both talked over the possibility that Pennywise would be back numerous times. You half-hoped the evil fucker wouldn't dare show his face as long as there were any Losers left in Derry to protect it, but you knew better. Your luck had always been rotten and it wouldn't be long before the murders and reports of missing people started featuring in the news again.  

You had spent so much of your time with Mike trying to convince him that you didn't need to involve the others. Two was always better than none, and while you wanted to see your brother and friends again, you didn't want to risk their lives. Mike was adamant that they all had to come back, though. He insisted it wouldn't work otherwise.  

Mike was incredibly vague about what he meant by that. You knew there was something he was hiding from you. It had to do with the research he had carefully hidden from you, prompting you to believe that there was something heading your way that was likely to kill you all. You hated that after all these years together, he still didn't fully trust you. He had only ever asked that you trust him. He claimed that whatever he had discovered was the ace in the hole you needed to defeat Pennywise.  

You felt a sinking feeling in your gut with each day that passed during the year of 2016. You weren't sure when Pennywise would resurface, but you instinctively knew he would reappear during the summer. It only seemed fitting that the summer of 1989 started this strange and horrifying journey, so why shouldn't it be the summer of 2016 that would end it for good?  

You thought it was morbid that you found yourself thinking that either you would die and Pennywise would continue his reign of terror, or you would somehow live and defeat him. With each passing day, Mike's confidence seemed to be infectious. You caught yourself thinking wistfully of a future away from Derry. You weren't sure where you would go or what you would do, but after so long spent trapped in the tiny town, all you knew was that you wanted out.  

Even though you seemed to always be waiting for his return, Pennywise still managed to catch you by surprise. You were going over the books for the Townhouse, having managed to successfully buy it from the owner in 2014 when he decided he wanted to leave Derry, and bemoaning your choice to become a business owner, when the phone rang. You absently reached out to grab the receiver, frowning down at the numbers that you were sure had to be complete bullshit.  

"Derry Townhouse," you muttered into the phone. "How can I help you?"

"He's back," Mike said, his words immediately sending a chill down your spine. "I need you to meet me right now."  

You weren't really sure how you got from being on the phone with Mike to standing at his side, both of you struck speechless by the bloody message Pennywise had left behind for you to find.  

"Come home," you muttered, feeling fear begin to settle deep within your gut. You tried to fight it off, knowing that was exactly the reaction Pennywise was looking for from you, but you couldn’t help it.  

Mike sucked in a deep breath, as if steeling himself, before he put an arm around your shoulders. "Let's go back to the library," he suggested with a weight to his words that let you know what was coming.

Mike volunteered to make the calls. He seemed a lot more level-headed about what had to happen than you did. You felt like you were sentencing everyone you loved to die. You didn't know how Mike was able to stomach calling each and every former Loser and reminding them of the oath they had sworn in 1989.  

Mike had always been resolute in doing what it took to survive, though. Trapping himself in Derry for twenty-seven years, with the memories and ghosts and fear, was more than enough proof of that.  

When the last phone call was finished, Mike turned to offer you a grimace.  

"I guess we'll have to wait and see what happens now. But I think they'll show up. They have to," he added with a tone that told you he didn't fully believe that. "Do you have any open rooms at the Townhouse?"

You couldn't help but bark out a surprised laugh. "Business isn't exactly booming," you offered when Mike shot you a confused look. "I can house the Losers."

"Then all we have left to do is wait," Mike added with a wry twist to his lips that told you what he was thinking.  

You had both done nothing but wait for the last twenty-seven years.  

It was later that night, after you managed to drag yourself back home, when you got a phone call from a number you didn't recognize.  

"Hello?"

"How the fuck did I forget I have a sister?"

You laughed, a smile on your face. "That's the magic of Derry," you said. "Hey, Richie. I've missed you."

"I think I've missed you too. Fuck," he hissed. "This is so fucking weird. I can remember Mom and Dad, but not you. How the fuck is that fair?"

"Mom and Dad eventually left. I never did." There was a heavy silence left on the line that made you mourn the easy communication you used to share with Richie. "How did you end up with my number?"

"When I stopped freaking the fuck out, I called Mike back and asked him for it. It's funny," he mused with a tone that suggested it was anything but funny to him. "I always felt like there was something missing, but I couldn't figure it out. Like there was someone there who should have been. I guess it was you," he offered with a sigh. "So, hey, you know I'm famous now?"

You felt a genuine smile break out on your face as Richie launched into telling you a story about an afterparty he once attended that resulted in him getting so wasted he accidentally threw up all over a former Spice Girl.  

Later, as you were settling down in bed, you couldn't quite fight off the anxiety that had taken hold of you. If Richie came back to Derry, then Richie would have to fight Pennywise. You couldn't quite justify the idea of making your brother relive some of his worst memories, but you knew that it had to happen. If you believed Mike, and you did, then it would have to be all of you. It didn’t mean you had to like it, though.  

You reached over to turn off the lamp on your nightstand, plunging your room into darkness.  

Moonlight peeked around your bedroom curtains, lending you enough light to just see the outline of the other pieces of furniture in your room. You started to close your eyes, but you caught sight of something that looked out of place.  

There was a figure standing just near the foot of your bed. You felt your breath hitch, a familiar thrill of terror coursing through you when the figure seemed to take a step closer. You heard a wheezing, rattling breath as a hand reached out to rest on the edge of the bed.  

You gasped out a choked breath before you made yourself move, quickly turning on the lamp again. When you looked to the end of your bed to see that there wasn't actually anyone there, you let out a relieved breath. It had seemed so real and with Pennywise back, you couldn't help but wonder if this was It's doing.  

You felt like a child when you left the lamp on, only managing to doze off every once in a while, before jerking back awake to hastily check and make sure no one was standing at the end of your bed.  

You remembered the sleepless nights you suffered in ‘89 because of the same brand of fear you felt that night. There were nights when you swore there was someone else in your room while you were trying to sleep. Whether it was Pennywise’s demented giggle jolting you out of sleep or the feeling of fingers drifting over your ankle accompanied by the sound of a rasping, wheezing breath. You weren’t sure you actually got a full night of sleep that summer and you worried you were in store for the same now that Pennywise was around yet again.  

You spent the next day booking rooms for the other members of the Losers’ Club and counting down the hours until you were all supposed to meet for dinner. You felt a nervous excitement at the idea of finally seeing everyone again. You weren't really sure how everyone would react to remembering Pennywise and the summer of 1989, but you were nearly relieved that it wouldn’t just be you and Mike any longer. It felt like you had been carrying around a terrible secret for years and now the burden would finally be lifted just the slightest bit from your shoulders.  

When you got to Jade of the Orient, you had to sit in your car for a few moments and take deep breaths. You weren't sure why you were so nervous, but you couldn't help but fear that the group dinner was going to be disastrous. You didn't know how much the others remembered, but you were sure once the full effect of Derry began to hit them, it wasn't going to be pretty.  

As you walked up to the restaurant, you noticed a man and a woman standing near the entrance. You felt a smile break out at the sight of the red hair on the woman. You knew instinctively who she was as you got closer.  

"Beverly?" You couldn't help but ask as you considered her.  

Beverly turned to look at you, her eyes narrowing for a split second as she attempted to recognize you, before her eyes went wide. "Y/N?"

"Yeah," you confirmed with a nod of your head as you moved to pull her into a hug.  

"God, it's been so long," Beverly said as she pulled back. You noticed her look at the guy standing just behind her before she glanced back to you. "Ben," she mouthed with a tilt of her head, silently clueing you in to the man's identity.  

"Ben Handsome," you started as you took a step away from Beverly. "Is that you?"

You noticed a blush spread across his cheeks before he ducked his head, suddenly sheepish. It was a gesture you recognized from childhood and you couldn't help but let out a pleased laugh as you moved to tug him into a hug as well.  

"It's good to see you, Y/N," he murmured in your ear.  

You pulled back and let yourself fully consider Ben. You couldn't help but think that he was remarkably handsome and you felt yourself blush when your eyes met his. His hands were on your shoulders and even though it was well past the moment when you should have stepped away, you felt nearly transfixed by him.  

You were struggling to think of something to say, not sure if the moment was turning awkward or oddly heated, when you were interrupted by the sound of someone clearing their throat.  

You glanced over to see Richie standing just a few feet away. "Well, you all look amazing," he observed as he studied you, Beverly, and Ben. "What the fuck happened to me?" He wondered with a self-deprecating tilt to his lips.  

"Richie," you couldn't help but say as you practically flung yourself at your brother.  

"Hey, Y/N," he said with a delighted chuckle before he brought his arms up to embrace you. "It's been a while, hasn't it?"  

"Too long," you agreed with a sigh as you pulled away from him. You stepped back so he could have his own little reunions with Bev and Ben as well.  

"So, were you guys going to stand out here all night or are we going to get on with this impromptu Losers' Club meeting?" Richie asked after hugging Beverly and shaking hands with Ben. "You three looked kind of cozy out here," he added with a raised eyebrow in your direction.  

You shook your head and turned towards the entrance to the restaurant. "Beep beep, Richie," you muttered before you pulled the door open and stepped inside.  

Reuniting with Bill and Eddie felt just as bizarre and surreal as seeing Richie, Beverly, and Ben again for the first time. Your eyes kept seeking out the empty chair at the table, however. You wondered where Stan was, but like with every meeting of the Losers' Club, it quickly turned loud and chaotic.  

Richie couldn't help but poke fun at Eddie and while you were onto him, it felt like you were able to breathe again after years of suffocating within Derry's walls. You had felt trapped for so long that you forgot what it was like to have almost everyone back with you again. You listened to everyone catch up, your eyes seeking out Bill from time to time. You could still feel the remnants of your childhood infatuation and a part of you wondered if you would ever be over him. You kept glancing to where a wedding band had recently resided on his left hand, surreptitiously reminding yourself that while Bill was recently divorced, it was unlikely that he would ever feel anything for you.  

You focused on the little things that made you feel at peace for the first time in years. Mike's small, proud grin as he listened to Bill talk about his new book and the way Richie kept glancing at Eddie, as if he couldn't believe they were in the same room again. You also saw the spark of interest in Richie's eyes once Eddie mentioned he was separated and well on his way to a divorce.  

You noticed the soft, private grins Beverly shot Bill and the way Ben kept watching Beverly with a reverence that told you his childhood crush was still in effect as well. You let their laughter wash over you as you ate and drank, your thoughts turning to Stan more and more often as the evening wore on and he failed to appear.  

"So, Y/N," Ben started as he leaned forward in his seat, focusing on you. "What have you been doing all these years?" You knew he was trying to deflect after Richie had embarrassed him by calling him hot, so you decided to have mercy on him.  

"I, uh," you started before taking a sip of your drink. "I've been running Derry Townhouse for the past few years."

"You own that shithole?" Richie asked with incredulity in his tone.  

You rolled your eyes before reaching across Beverly to pinch Richie's arm. "Yes," you answered. "And since you're all staying there for free, I'd like a little more gratitude."

"Thanks, Y/N," you heard Ben pipe up before the rest of the Losers toasted to you.  

You had fooled yourself into thinking it might be a nice, uneventful reunion, but you should have known better. Pennywise had to take the first shot at the Losers' Club through the most disturbing and grotesque display.  

The Pennywise bomb had just been dropped on the rest of the Losers right before the fortune cookies were dropped off at your table. Mike had reminded them of the oath they had all sworn and while Richie had attempted to lighten the mood a bit, you knew that everyone was well on their way to freaking out.  

Once Eddie pointed out that his fortune was just one word printed on the small slip of paper, you realized that none of your fortune cookies actually contained a typical fortune.

After you deciphered the message from the fortune cookies, an ominous warning about Stan's fate that read 'I Guess Stanley Could Not Cut It,' chaos erupted from the bowl of unopened fortune cookies in the middle of the table.  

You barely had time to process the fact that you were all being attacked by nightmarish monstrosities when you felt a hand wrap around your bicep, quickly pulling you away from the table. You looked over to see Mike, his eyes wide and frightened, as if he too had allowed himself to forget for a moment why you had been forced to call the Losers back to Derry.  

It wasn't long before there were horrifying creatures flying about the room, knocking into the light fixtures and diving towards you all.  

You heard Eddie scream and glanced over to see Ben trying to shield Eddie from something attempting take a bite out of him. Richie yelled Eddie's name, concern and fear clear in his voice. You only had a moment to make sure your brother was safe before something big and terrifying and screeching flew right into you.  

"Fuck!" You blurted as you tried to ward off whatever was trying to sink its talons into your forearm.  

You felt an arm around your waist before someone spun you away from the threat. You were suddenly facing the wall while someone stood at your back, shouting as they tried to face the creature that was just attacking you. You were panting for breath, not sure if it was out of fear or the adrenaline crashing over you, as you turned to see it was Bill who had saved you.  

"Y/N! You okay?" You heard Richie ask, but you didn't get much of a chance to respond before Mike picked up a chair and began to smash it over the middle of the table in an attempt to destroy the rest of the fortune cookies, insisting that what you were all seeing wasn't actually real.  

You were all more than a little jumpy as you finally gathered outside Jade of the Orient. After the hilariously inappropriate way Richie had yelled at a kid, forgetting for a moment a line from his own comedy routine, you were more than ready to crawl into bed and forget everything.  

You didn't even realize that Beverly was trying to get in touch with Stan, because you were so distracted by the way everyone else was freaking out. Richie and Eddie were yelling at Mike for lying to everyone by conveniently forgetting to mention Pennywise when he called everyone home while Ben and Bill seemed to be silently trying to process everything that had just happened.  

Mike was doing his best to keep everyone from skipping town when Beverly turned to face the rest of you, her phone held to her ear. She quickly put the call on speaker, allowing all of you to hear who was on the other line.  

It wasn't until you heard Stan's wife confirm that Stan was dead that you realized all of your worst fears were coming true. The Losers' Club hadn't even had an opportunity to really face Pennywise and one of you was already gone.  

You were barely aware of the fact that you were struggling to breathe. Stan couldn't be dead. Stan was always the shared voice of reason with you and one of the first to try to talk some sense into the Losers’ Club. He was Stan. Steady and dependable and sarcastic as hell. And he was dead.

"Mike," you called, tears starting to track down your face. "Did we kill Stan?" You whispered as you rounded on him, your breath stuttering in your chest at the thought. "When we called him, did we kill him? Did we do this? Is it our fault?" You could no longer justify calling everyone to ask them to return to Derry. Stan was dead and you couldn’t help but feel like it was all because you weren’t capable of facing Pennywise by yourself. Your fear of getting everyone you loved killed was washing over you and stealing your breath away.  

"Y/N, no," Mike murmured before he moved to pull you into his arms. You only had a moment to rest your head on his shoulder, the tears flowing freely as guilt threatened to overwhelm you, before you were tugged out of Mike's hold.  

"Hey, what the fuck did you do to my sister?" You heard Richie ask as he pulled you into a hug.  

"Yeah, fuckwad, why are you making Y/N cry?" Eddie jumped in. His specific brand of indignation in his tone had you laughing somewhat hysterically into Richie's shoulder.  

"He didn't do anything," you assured them as you finally managed to calm down. “I’m just upset about Stan.” You knew that what you were feeling in that moment was just going to give Pennywise nightmare fuel against you later. How was he going to twist this to haunt you? You shuddered at the thought before you patted Richie on the shoulder and stepped back. "I'm okay," you managed to say as you reached up to hastily wipe away the tears still tracking down your cheeks.  

You felt someone place a hand on your shoulder and you looked back to see Beverly standing there. You noticed the tears welling in her eyes and the haunted expression on her face and knew that Stan's death was hitting her just as hard.  

"Come on, Y/N," Richie pleaded as he pulled your attention back towards him. "Let's just get the fuck out of this shitty town."

"I’m not going anywhere, Richie. I live here," you reminded him with a helpless shrug of your shoulders.

"Well, you're moving," he told you as if it was that easy. He let out an incredulous laugh as he stuffed his hands into the pockets of his coat. He looked like he was trying to resist the urge to reach out and grab your arm, as if he was toying with the idea of dragging you out of Derry if he had to. "I can't believe I let you stay here," he muttered.  

"I had to," you argued with a shake of your head. "I couldn't leave Mike alone all these years."

Richie snorted before he rolled his eyes. "Just, come on," he insisted as he nodded over towards his car. "You too, Eduardo. Let's go."

"Yeah, I'm right there with you," Eddie agreed as he made a break for his car.  

"I drove myself here," you reminded Richie when he seemed like he was about to herd you towards his car.  

"Fine. Fuck," Richie sighed as he glanced away. "Meet us at the Townhouse," he conceded before he took off across the parking lot.  

You turned and met Mike's gaze, silently asking what you should do now.  

"I've got him if you've got them," Mike said as he nodded over towards Bill. "There's something I've got to show him. But we'll see you at the Townhouse."

"Yeah, okay," you allowed with a grimace.  

"Y/N," Mike called before you could fully turn away from him. He pulled you into a hug, letting you rest your weight on him for a moment.  

"It was Stan, Mike," you muttered into his shoulder. "Stan."

"I know," Mike soothed as he pulled you closer for a brief moment. "We're going to kill It this time. We'll make It pay. But we can't do that if the rest of us don't band together."

"Yeah," you sighed, understanding what he was telling you to do. You had to go to the Townhouse and make sure none of the Losers were trying to skip town.  

"Y/N," Mike called again just as you were reaching your car. "Thanks," he said when you turned to look at him. "I really couldn't imagine doing any of this without you."

You offered him a weak smile and a nod before you got behind the wheel of your car.  

If you cried all the way to the Townhouse, mourning Stan and wishing that you could go back in time and stop Mike from calling him, then no one had to know but you.

[jamiedc-they-them]

Being May’s Daughter and an Older Sister to Daisy would include:

SPOILERS FOR WHOLE SHOW!

Being Melinda May’s daughter means you are an expert at control.

She always urged you pursue whatever passion you wanted.

But she always saw that part of you would be a fighter.

Andrew wasn’t exactly thrilled.

But he was supportive father and cared for you both. 

In fact, an argument between the two was part of what made them split.

Neither ever told you that.

May, however, suspected that you always knew.

When you met Skye, you saw an innocent girl dragged into this world that looked fun, but one that held a lot of pain inside of it.

So, you trained her when May had to fly.

Despite that it had autopilot, May seemed to know the role you were choosing to play in her life. So, she let you be.

Skye was always wanting to let people in, but always waited for the other shoe to drop.

You seemed to recognise it and didn’t force her into talking about anything.

You just acted like an older sibling and friend in subtle ways.

Checking in on her when it was late and talking to her if she was up.

One time, when she had a nightmare, she woke to you waking her up.

She returned that favour to you when you had a nightmare.

It was about losing your mother.

Now, Phil Coulson always had fatherly instincts.

He knew you and May, obviously.

He played the role of a father to you.

But, assured you that he wasn’t replacing Andrew.

“He’s your birth father, Y/N. I’m never going to beat that. Just know I’m here if you need.”

Anyway, back to Skye.

That night when she woke you, you talked for hours.

May found you the next day asleep in the bed, with you having a protective arm around her.

May let you rest in.

Skye trusted you with a lot of things about her past after that.

She even trusted you about the usb stick with information about her parents.

When they found out about her ties with the Rising Tides not being cut, the team were disappointed.

You, however, took her side.

Your mother wasn’t exactly pleased, but only showed that through a look.

You, like the others did forgive her. But, in your eyes, she didn’t really have much to apologise for.

You took her aside before her talk with Coulson, “I know you’re probably nervous, but he won’t throw you out. I won’t let him…. I just wished you would’ve told us.”

She apologised, but you just shook it off.

She then came out of the office and sat with you, telling you about her actual goal of joining the team.

You just listened to her the whole time and didn’t judge her.

In the end, you hugged her assured her you would be there for her and help her in her search.

While you didn’t know much about hacking, you tried to help her where you could

When your mother kicks her off the plane and she go looking for Coulson, you sneak off to help her

“Y/N?! What the hell are you doing here?!” She asked

“Helping, obviously.” You respond as if it’s nothing

“But what about May --?”

“I’ll handle her when we get back with Coulson.”

She doesn’t say it, but she appreciates your company

She doesn’t have to though, as you can just simply tell

So, you follow through with her plans, including the one to drive into the water to get the car sent

“Sorry.” She says

“We’re alive.”

When you both play dress up, you play the role of your mother and Skye plays the role of Coulson

You’re a lot more convincing

You find Coulson and call the rest of the team

You’re the one who speaks

When your mother picks up the phone, Skye looks at you with a worried expression

But you don’t seem too bothered

“Y/N.” She greets

“Mom.” You return, politely

“Where are you?”

You look at Skye with a, “See? Easy.” Look as she drives you to where Coulson is.

After that, you become a partner to her in the field.

When she gets shot, you are one who beats Quinn up instead of your mother. She watches the door for you.

You stay with Skye whenever you can as she heals. You are just elated to have her be alive.

While you play older sister to Skye, you also do to Fitzsimmons.

If any of the three ever need anything, they come to you.

Normally starts of with “Y/N, can I ask you something?” If it’s either of Fitzsimmons with their manners.

You, of course, say yes.

When Ward betrays the team, it shocks and hurts you.

You are with Fitzsimmons on the plane and fight Ward to try and protect them.

You end up being caught, but a SHIELD team get you out.

When the team reunite with Jemma, you pull up in a car and enter the place.

May, in a rare moment of vulnerability, runs to you and hugs you tight.

She doesn’t say anything, just hugs you.

Skye is next in her hug, “I’m so glad you’re ok.” She says voice cracking.

You just hold her and rub your hand on her back in comfort.

Jemma thanks you for protecting them.

During the time, May starts training you again and you spar with Skye.

May see’s the sisterly bond between you two now: the loyalty, the laughs, the late-night talks.

Neither you nor May say it, but you can tell that Skye is a part of the family now.

You are the third partner in their little SHIELD team.

You try and be the one who goes in while Skye hangs back out of protectiveness. But she’s stubborn.

“No, I’m not letting you go in there alone, Y/N.” Seems that protective spirit has gone to her as well.

You ruffle her hair whenever you go past.

She’d act annoyed, but kind of find if nice in a way. With you openly being affectionate and showing her that you care.

If you’re ever hurt on a mission, she’s by your side either on site, or when you return.

“Hey, Y/NN, you need to stay with me, ok? You’re not dying, not now. May’ll kill me.”

When she gets taken by Ward, it’s you she has to convince last.

“I’m not letting you go with him, Skye.”

“You have to. You guys taught me how to look after myself. I’ll be ok.”

You sigh but let her go.

Then she gets her powers.

She’s scared shitless, but you stay with her as much as you can like you did when injured.

When the team argue about her showing them, you argue her case.

“She was scared.”

“She kept it from us!” Mack would say passionately.

“To avoid this reaction!”

“It’s ok, Y/N.” She tells you when she arrives at the door. She gives you a sad smile, but in her eyes, you can tell she appreciates it.

You visit her in her cell, so she doesn’t feel alone. But she can tell that you aren’t quite sure how to handle it.

“It’s ok, you know. I’m not hurt by it.”

“By what?”

“My powers. It’s ok to say that you don’t know how to handle it.”

There’s the last tenet of your sisterhood: honesty

When she leaves, you stay in contact as much as you can. She asks you how it’s going back at base, and you ask her how she is.

Then SHIELD go after her, and real SHIELD enter the scene.

Now you’re all having to careful and tread lightly with this new SHIELD.

When Bobbi comes back, she tries to explain it.

“Y/N, just let me –”

“If you so much as lay a finger on any of my friends or look at them the wrong way, I swear, we are going to have issues, Morse.”

However, your mother see’s it and reigns you in.

“I understand that you’re angry.”

“So, you want me to, what? Bottle it up?”

“No, use it for something more. They’re after Coulson, and he’s after Ward. We need to keep her heads on straight.”

“…Ok, you’re right. I’m sorry.” May just nods, forgiving you.

When Fitz leaves, you help devise the scam for him to get away with the real toolbox.

“Are you sure about this, Y/N? What if it backfires on you?” Jemma asks you, worried about your wellbeing with this situation.

You just smile at her caring nature, “If it does, then it hits me, and not you guys. Now go on.”

When Skye comes back, your smile is as wide as it can be.

You hug her so tight, “Welcome back, Skye.” You tell her in a soft voice.

“Thanks, Y/N.”

When you see her power, you are in awe, “Look at you!” She smiles and sends a wink.

She even pushes a bullet away that was coming for you.

Having to work again with Ward is difficult, but it’s a necessary evil. Just like your mother on the SHIELD board to argue Coulson’s case.

“Are you sure you have to go back?” You ask Skye when it’s her turn to do just that

“I wish I could bring you. I do, really. But they have a thing about outsiders”

“It’s ok. Go on, kiddo. Go be with your family.”

You know that she has her parents now, but it still hurts a bit that you might lose her.

“Hey, I’m not moving on, alright? I’ll still come back, and we can even team up! I’m not leaving you, Y/N.” She assures you.

Then it all goes to shit.

Everything happens quickly, but two team ups happen: Yourself and Skye/Daisy; you and your mother.

Now it’s you, Mack, and Daisy (Skye’s birth name) as partners

Daisy and you are almost completely in sync. She doesn’t even need to yell, “Duck!” anymore before using her powers.

You know each other so well.

Mack plays big brother and adores it when you both have that synchronisation. Makes him proud to be your partner.

Not that you don’t forget about him, you always include him in your fights and activities such as games.

You pass the controller to each other when someone dies in the game.

Late night game sessions and drinking buddies don’t go well.

Then Ward comes back and kidnapped you.

Oh, you bet your ass that Daisy is working day and night to find you.

You’re her best friend. And she nearly lost Simmons (her other best friend), so she’ll be damned if she’s going to lose you too.

May tries to pull her away but fails.

“Daisy, you need to take a break.”

“Not until we find, Y/N.”

“I’m worried about her too. But she can handle herself.”

“Not with Ward, though! I should’ve killed him!”

If you can’t beat ‘em, join ‘em. And that’s what May does.

When they find you, they burst through the doors, more pissed than they ever have been.

Ward isn’t there, but you are, and that’s what matters.

Now they’re super protective over you now. Not only them, but the whole team.

Ward does a number on you mentally.

Jemma is extra careful with your wounds and keeps assuring you that you are doing well.

Fitz makes you some sleeping pills to try and help and makes you coffee every morning.

Mack gives you more and more hugs every day.

May checks in on you more.

Daisy…. well.

Daisy stays with you as much as she can. Whether that be in the same room as you, talking to you or being silent, going on missions with you.

She has your back all the way.

Whenever you flinch, she’s quick to withdrawal and apologise.

Sure, she’s worried and misses the spark that you had. But it’ll either take time to come back or it’ll be different.

Whichever it is, she’ll adapt. You’re her sister and best friend.

Then a version of Ward comes back and takes Daisy away from you guys.

Now May is very concerned about you. She can tell this is all building up to something with you.

Despite being her daughter and Daisy joking that you are pretty much May but bubblier. You are human after all.

Whenever they get closer to Daisy, May keeps you away.

You want to help Daisy, but you also know that you wouldn’t be able to handle it.

You start doubting yourself. Starting spinning ideas of, “What if?”

The whole team notices a shift in you. You miss more, take more hits in fights, you’re acting reckless more and now that your father is gone too, you’re spiralling.

And May is genuinely afraid that she can’t stop it.

One day, she goes to find you, only to find you gone and a note left behind.

It reads: “Mom, I know that this isn’t enough. But I can’t with this life anymore. You told me you’d support me through whatever I wanted to do. And I don’t think SHIELD is this. I’m done watching people die, mom. I’m done losing friends. I’ll make contact at some point. Just, let me be for now? Love you always, Y/N. PS. Find Daisy.”

Then there’s nothing for almost a few months.

When Daisy comes back after being freed from Hive, she doesn’t see you and fears the worst, “Is she…?” She can’t get the words out.

May shakes her head, “No, she’s just gone. She left.”

Then Daisy is gone too after Lincoln. Now May has lost two out of her three daughters.

Daisy, however, manages to find out what you are doing.

And what is that, exactly? Smuggling Inhumans out.

She watches from afar with her little scope, making sure you’re ok and safe.

She’s just happy that you’re alive. But doesn’t dare go close.

As Coulson chases leads on Daisy, May does the same for you.

She has a file that becomes bigger and bigger as she slowly pieces together just where you are and what you are doing.

Then Fitz finds it, “What is this?” He asks.

“It’s everything I’ve found on Y/N since she left. She’s running a smuggling operation of Inhumans to get them out.”

Fitz just nods, promising to keep it safe.

However, May does find a burner phone on her bed the next day.

She keeps it in her back pocket.

Daisy comes back first, and May is delighted to have one of her two missing daughter’s back.

However, it’s when Mace calls herself and Daisy in that shit gets real with you.

“There’s a situation developing.” The two share a look, worry filling them up.

“There was a fight between SHIELD and the watchdogs, some Inhumans were killed. But Y/N got away. But we think we know where she’s going.”

(Episode 4x13 - BOOM) They both capture the Watchdogs and find that they have been hunting you for a while.

When Shockley is going on a rampage, he see’s you in the road.

“Well, hell. There she is, Y/N May.”

You started firing your pistol at him but doesn’t do much.

Your gun clicks, “Sorry, sweetheart. I’ll make this quick.”

Just as your life is about to end, he is stopped –

By Daisy Johnson.

She moves to your side, holding out a clip for you. You take it, loading it in.

“You don’t touch her.” She snarls at Shockley.

So, it’s just like old times. Even if it cuts it a little close.

When Fitzsimmons arrive, they activate the machine and stop him.

Now, it’s silence, as the three stares at you.

You’re here, you’re actually here. They’ve found you.

Daisy doesn’t talk, she just hugs you.

You are taken aback by the action. But, before you can do anything, Fitzsimmons join the hug too.

“Come on, Y/NN, let’s go home.” Daisy says, taking your hand and pulling your dazed form along with her as Fitzsimmons flank you.

When May see’s you, that silence returns. You both can’t really seem to believe that you are seeing the other.

Coulson approaches you and put’s a fatherly hand on your shoulder, “Welcome back, kiddo.”

You might be about to cry here, but that’s besides the point.

You approach your mother with caution, “Hey mom.” You say, trying and failing to keep your voice steady.

“You’re back?” She asks you.

“I don’t think a normal life is for me.” You say, chuckling a bit.

She hugs you, squeezing you tight.

Her baby is home.

It takes a bit of Tim getting settled back in with the gang. But they’re patient with you, even with everything going on.

Then the LMD secret comes out. Your mother wasn’t the one you hugged.

You find Jemma and Daisy in hiding, close to losing it once again.

Daisy, being more in control, calms you down and sits you next to Jemma. She goes to leave, only to you try and get up.

“No, Y/N, I need you to stay with Jemma.” She asks of you, before she leaves on her mission of holding the LMDs off.

You all get out, holding hands in the Jet.

Then you enter that world.

The world where your greatest mistake is fixed.

However, as Daisy finds, your still May’s daughter. However, something is different.

You’re a TA for Coulson at his school. You aren’t a SHIELD agent.

You have a normal life.

It’s jarring to you at first, but you sink into the role as if it’s natural.

Meanwhile, you see that you and May are a bit distant here in this life, but there’s still a parental-child dynamic.

Jemma finds you first, at the school.

Then you meet with Daisy and all hug, having found one another.

Then you’re all right back in the thick of it, this time with Ward as you knew him: Kind, loyal, genuine.

To make it worse, you’re then stuck.

The rest of it goes pretty much the way most things do for you guys: badly.

However, when Daisy is caught, she brings up the fact that she knows you and that you are in the resistance to May.

You’re phone then rings, but you don’t answer, too busy helping the civilians in the base.

Now May is worried in this world too.

She springs Daisy, all in an effort to find you.

When she see’s you, she’s surprised to see you.

You’ve been a bit estranged as of late in this life.

She sees you are helping people and being in a natural element.

She’s reminded of the little girl who she used to be so close too.

“Y/N.” You turn in surprise to see your mother.

“Hi Mom.” You say, not quite sure how to act.

“I’m guessing you sure the report on the news?”

“Yeah, you’re footage. You did good, Mom.”

Tears come to her eyes at your praise.

Daisy smiles as she see’s the interaction.

You meet her eyes as you and your mother hug, you mouth to her “Thank you.”

You all get out, but you can’t even celebrate as Space them comes around and grabs you all.

You, like Jemma, are taken as a maid/slave and deafened.

You’re just kind of numb to this world, bottling it up.

You’re used as leverage against Daisy. She wouldn’t act brash if it would get her sisters killed.

And that bet was right.

When you are escaping and go to the lift, you’re shocked when Daisy wants to stay. You want to go to her and stay with her but May stops you.

However, Coulson stops that before it can even happen, Icing Daisy.

While May understands the reasons for you wanting to be with your best friend, she’s now a bit on edge with you.

So, when you go back to present day, she makes sure to keep an eye on you more.

Daisy, meanwhile, is a bit more evasive. Always fining ways to not go on missions.

It all culminates in the fear dimension.

You’re fear has always been losing your family. So, as you leave your room, the lights flicker before coming back on.

It’s everyone, dead.

You scream as you see it.

However, while this is going on, Daisy is also being tortured by the Doctor side of Fitz.

When that ends, your screams are still being heard.

The team (minus Daisy and Fitz) rush to you and see what you’re looking at.

Jemma quickly runs to you and assures you it’s not real. It takes a moment before you go with her logic.

Then she drops it, “Daisy needs you.”

You’re still a bit angsty after your trip with fear. But you’re little sister needs you.

You enter the room and see her lying on her bed.

You sit at the foot of it, knowing that she wouldn’t want to talk.

You just sit there, hoping your presence would be enough.

May enters a bit later, sitting next to you and taking your hand in her own.

After this incident, Daisy is a lot bossier and pushier.

You don’t mind it at first, but you do clash at times.

Then Ruby dies.

Then Coulson.

Then Fitz.

Then you’re in space and looking for your brother and you both have time to fix the gap in your friendship.

“I’m sorry.” She says.

“You’re good –”

“No, I mean it, Y/NN. I shouldn’t have been like that.”

“Daisy…. you couldn’t help it. We process things differently. Yours was more external.”

“And yours? I heard about your fear.”

“…. I don’t know if I have yet.”

“Me neither.”

So, that’s what you both do when alone together. You try and help each other through the shit you’ve gone through.

You just sit together in a room, writing reports, or in silence and looking at space.

You remind each other that you aren’t alone.

That you both have family right here.

Daisy even tells you about the kiss between Coulson and May. You both share a laugh at the story.

Returning home and reuniting with your mom is a blessing. You both hugs.

She’s even smiling!

But then you find out that Phil Coulson has sort of returned. This time with no knowledge of who he is.

Kind of like a shadow of himself.

Daisy and you are both freaked by it. Your father figure has returned but has no knowledge of himself or you both.

Despite being the older sister, Daisy is the one who snapes to attention and pulls you away. Pulls you around the corner before your breathing picks up.

“What the fuck?” You ask.

“Y/N,” She keeps her voice soft, “I know that this is fucked up. I know, trust me. But we can get through this, ok? You and me against the world, right?” She holds a hand to you.

You grasp it with your own, “Us against the world.”

That mantra is a thing you keep repeating as the two of you go on the truck journey with Sarge (Coulson’s shadow) along with your mother.

You can tell May is rattled too, but she seems to hold hope that this can bring Coulson back.

You aren’t so sure. You and Daisy both share that.

But you go with it for your mother’s sanity.

Coulson was the closest you had to a father after Andrew’s death. So, you understood with the way May felt about him would make her think this way.

You are the one to talk to May when she shoots Sarge.

“Seriously, Mom?”

“I don’t – I don’t remember doing that, Y/N.”

“…. I believe you.”

Then Izel starts taking over people, your mother being one of her victims.

When it comes to sharing information that no one else would know, Daisy is the one who clears you.

“When Y/N was on the run, she made a little grave for Andrew. It held a little silver box.”

May looks at you with sadness, but you nod and confirm it.

You are with Daisy when you hear that May is down.

While Daisy s hurt and blaming herself, she immediately looks to you.

You just stare at the radio.

“Y/N…. hey. Hey, look at me.” You do, “We’ll get her back, ok? We’ll fix this.”

“She – She’s dead, Daisy. My mom’s dead!”

“Hey, no! She’s just down. I promise you; she’ll be ok.”

It’s enough to keep you going, but now you and Daisy are fuelled by one of the most powerful things on earth: Hate.

She uses her powers; you fire every bullet that you have.

When your mother returns, you see that she’s weakened. She looks like a corpse.

She falls, but you catch her.

“Mom, mom, mom. I got you, I got you.”

Dais kneels next to you but holds one of May’s hands as you stroke your mother’s hair.

“Y/N…I – I wanted it to be him.”

“I know.”

Your mother gives you a smile that communicates something she doesn’t have a strength to say: I’m so proud of you.

Then she closes her eyes.

She’s gone.

Melinda May is gone.

Your mother is gone.

You let out a sob as it fully hits you.

Then a different version of Jemma enters the room and puts May in a pod.

Well, tries, but you interfere.

“No! Don’t you touch her!”

“Y/N They need to –” Daisy tries to stop you. But it’s Jemma who does it.

“Y/N, May will be ok. The pod will keep her alive.” She assures you.

“It better.”

Now you’re back in time. For you guys, only a few minutes have passed.

Robot Coulson is here, and May will live.

Your family is back together. But you aren’t the same.

You’re still processing.

Just before you leave to go out, Daisy stops you.

“Are you ok?”

“I’m fine.”

“Y/N, you don’t have to shut me out. It’s ok if you –”

“She died, Daisy! She died. And now she’s not. Coulson did, and now he’s here. I mean – I – I don’t.”

Daisy told you to stay on the Zephier. You did.

Then May woke up, as an empath who felt others’ emotions, but not her own.

She did, however, feel your familial love for herself and Daisy full on. Along with your conflicted feelings about her being back and alive.

However, it allowed her to be more in touch with you. As she could tell when you were lying.

That led to lots of looks from here that just told you that she knew.

It was nice though, like you guys were when you were younger.

When it all came to an end, May was a teacher, and you were her assistant.

You guys did the calls with the others.

Your family.

Sometimes, it would just be you and Daisy, catching up and having chats that lasted hours. May didn’t dare interrupt you then.

[rrickgrrimes8]

Normality is Death

Chapter Six ~ The Graves

masterlist

"I thought I had lost you, you know?" Jacey whispers breaking the eerie silence between the two, she knew that Addie was mad at her but at least arguing would be better than the deafening quiet, "I thought I'd never see you again."

Addie looked at her and sighed not saying a word, "It felt like my whole world came crashing down when I saw them take you away from me. I know we're not on good terms at the moment but I can never lose you, no matter what." She looked to her again feeling an intense urge to kiss her. "I-I sat there for hours, just waiting. Waiting for you to just appear like you would and be okay. But after a while I feared you never would," Jacey smiled, "but I guess you never seemed to disappoint."

Addie smiled at this looking deeply at the girl's piercing blue eyes, "Why didn't you go with them, Jacey? They are your family after all." "You know why," She mumbled distantly as they wandered through the trail edging closer back to their home. "No, I don't. And even if I did I couldn't understand what would be so important you could throw them away," Upon seeing that Jacey continued to walk away Addie grabbed her hand softly, "Talk to me, love."

"Don't call me that, Addie. You made it more than clear that you want nothing to do with me," She spat bitterly. Addie stepped back, cowering away from the girl. She wanted to be angry that Jacey had said that to her but Addie had to admit that she was right although she didn't mean a word Jacey had said to her. "I'm sorry, Jacey," Addie mumbled attempting to meet her eyes but finding that that was the last thing she wanted. "Then why did you do it?" before Addie could answer an unmistakable scream sounded from across the hill, from if Addie's mapping skills were anything to go by was her families camp.

With a unique sense of urgency that came all to familiar to Addie, she released Jacey's hand and before she could stop herself said, "That's the way to their camp." The 'their' in question quickly resonated in Jacey's mind as her father's camp. Pouncing with her right foot forward in the direction of the chaos, Jacey gripped her bag tightly, offering no farewell for the girl she felt so strongly for.

"Go back to camp, tell Mitchell where I am," She ordered her. Addie shouted back to her as Jacey was running further and further away by each moment that progressed, "Be careful, Grimes. I love you." Jacey turned her head slightly offering an acute smile, "Stop acting like your never going to see me again," Addie sighed, "Oh and I love you too!" Jacey soon disappeared off into the opposite direction leaving Addie to walk towards her home, content with everything.

~

Jacey turned the corner unravelling the scene laid out in front of her. She passed a bloodied tent overflowed with biters and gulped just knowing that there had to have been a person inside there - she just hoped it wasn't her family.

The brunette snuck into the camp, eyeing a body lying hopelessly on the floor blood spewing out of her many wounds, a young blonde girl, older then Jacey but still young enough for someone to be angry at this world for doing it to her. Sat beside her was another blonde, Jacey pointed out to herself the similarities between them and assumed that they were siblings, which made her feel even worse. Drawing her attention away from the two girls was the screams of a little girl, she was blonde too - they haven't got a shortage of blondes in this camp do they she thought to herself suppressing a smile. She approached the girl quickly realising the familiarity of which that she had met her that night before she was left, the child of the nice lady with the cookies.

Jacey grabbed her hand pulling her away from the dead that was clambering after her, "Hey it's okay just follow me okay?" The child looks at her confused about who she was and where she came from but nodded and let her pull her along and towards the RV. "Sophia! Sophia! Please, baby, where are you?!" Jacey heard and searched trying to match the voice to a face. She soon did as did the girl, Sophia, and barrelled towards her. "Oh my baby, my baby," the short-haired cookie lady wrapped her dainty arms around the girl sweeping her off her feet before turning to her daughter's saviour, "You're..." Jacey didn't let the woman finish before ushing her towards the RV where she noticed most of the group was congregated, "Go, you'll be safe with them." And without a word, Jacey crept away grabbing her machete from her belt and planting it into the skull of one of the many biters that roamed the area. She watched the mother and daughter return to their group, the mother's mouth ajar and shocked to see the girl, who everyone was so adamant was dead.

Not long after the young girl, still in search of her long lost family, stumbled upon the familiar face of her mother. She was being cornered by one of those things as was Carl who had his tiny arms curled around her torso. Jacey stalked behind the biter undetected by all of them and unleashed her strength through her weapon, slicing through the monsters head. Lori watched in shock holding Carl to her chest even tighter, not letting him watch as the walker split in two, uncovering her dead daughter.

"J-Jacey," The woman cries inaudibly. Carl closes his eyes tighter thinking that perhaps his sister was one of the dead overthrowing his home. "Go to the RV, find dad and Shane," The woman remained unmoving paralysed by the idea her daughter was alive and breathing in front of her, "Now!"

Lori jumped at her tone and thought about lecturing her about it right then and there but soon realised it was an inappropriate scene. "And do me a favour, mom?" She nodded, "Don't tell dad." Lori didn't wait for an explanation before nodding and grabbing ahold of Carl's arm attempting to pull him away but felt that his feet were grounded into the dirt, "Carl, baby lets go," she pleaded, eyeing the nearing walkers. "No, I don't want to leave her! I don't want her to go again!" Carl sobbed trying to claw his way out of his mother's grip. Jacey looked at her little brother, getting the feeling that haunts her on most nights, the feeling of pure unimaginable grief.

No words were spoken between the family, except for Carl's cries, as Lori pulled him away and towards the rest of the group. The older woman turned the corner getting greeted by her concerned husband, "Lori! Carl! Thank god." Lori remained wordless still holding her wailing son, "Are you okay? Are you hurt?" She shook her head looking back in the direction she came from and then back to Rick. "Mom t-take me back please," Carl shrieked once again. Rick looked to his son confused as to why he was in such a state but was interrupted as Shane and the others returned guns blazing. Shane made eye contact with him and threw him his Colt Python, Rick catching without any difficulty, trying to ignore the look of guilt Shane's eyes held, that matched the ones in his wife's.

Shaking off the feeling, Rick reloaded his gun and started to fire at the dead hitting them straight on target every time, while Shane marched towards the distressed mother and son. "J-Jacey," Lori began catching Shane's attention immediately, "S-she was here." Shane could almost smile if not for the complete and utter anarchy that was happening around him - she came back to her family just like he knew she would. "I know, Lori but right now you need to get Carl inside he's drawing more of them over here, alright?" Despite Lori's shock at his response, she nodded and pulled Carl into the vehicle.

Catching up to Rick quickly, the two police officers fought against the monster's, side by side, Shane looking thoroughly for any sight of his godchild. Jacey watched from a distance firing off perfectly positioned bullets to the attackers, careful not to misfire on any humans. She observed her father closely unable to hide the excitement she felt knowing he was, in fact, alive. The excitement, however, didn't stop the fear of how he would react to her coming back and worry about what she would do afterwards, whether to stay with her family or reunite with Addie.

Anxiety coursed through her veins as she exited out of the woods and into the main part of the camp casually searching for any more biters. Rick along with Glenn and Shane finished off the remaining walkers attempting to catch their breath as they did. Glenn couldn't help but to send cautious glances to Rick wondering if he knew yet or if he was to ever find out. Rick noticed this, however, and asked, "You okay, Glenn?" "F-fine," He stuttered, unable to meet his eyes. The officer merely nodded in confusion and walked over to the RV where everyone had come back out. Andrea remained on the floor cradling the dying body of her sister that would soon turn, while everyone shot looks of pity at her.

As Rick approached he was surprised to see Carl had calmed down finally and was sitting silently next to his mother. The younger boy looked up at the sound of footsteps and ran to meet his father, "Dad!" Rick caught him bringing him into a much-needed hug, "I saw her dad. She's here." He looked down at his child disoriented, "Who is bud?" "J-" "No one, Rick, ignore him. He's just tired," Lori intervened earning a doubtful glance from Rick.

"No you're lying she was there. Mom you saw her too I know you did!" He snapped the anger overcoming him, he just wanted his sister back. "Hey, it's okay, Carl. Who was here?" He crouched down to his son, ignoring the lingering presence of his wife. "Jac-" He attempted but was interrupted by a hoarse voice shouting, "Walker!" Rick stood up straight and snapped around to the voice. Stood merely 10 feet from the group was a limping, grotesque walker ready to kill them all. The man brought his revolver out of his holster and aimed it straight ahead, ready to pull the trigger.

But before he could do so a gunshot cut him off, which penetrated through the walkers' skull adequately. Rick kept his gun up unsure of where the gunshot came from and who shot it as did the other armed people in the camp. The corpse fell to the ground slowly uncovering the small frame of a 14-year-old girl. "Jacey!" Carl roared, pushing past everyone and throwing himself into his sister's arms, almost knocking them both down. "J-Jacey," Rick whispered dropping his gun carelessly before sprinting towards the girl much as Carl did moments before. The man stopped a few feet in front of her examining her hoping this wasn't just a figment of his imagination caused by the trauma and exhaustion from the attack.

"Daddy?" she sniffled, letting the tears fall from her bright blue eyes. "Angel," the father said, before enveloping her into a tight embrace. The girl clung to her father, crying into his chest as he did the same into her hair, while Carl continued to hug the two.

"You're here, you're alive. They said you died," He pulled back slightly, still keeping her in his arms, looking over at Shane and Lori who wore a look of gut-wrenching guilt. "They thought I had and I mean I gave them enough reason for them to come to that conclusion," she smiled looking over her father's shoulder at the man who had saved her so many times, to which he happily returned. "Where have you been?" "That's not important for now we need to make sure everyone's okay," Rick looked at his daughter looking past the blood and mud that caked her face and into her eyes that seemed so aged since he last saw her, too old for someone her age.

"She's right," Shane spoke from behind him, "We've got to clean this place up if we're thinking of surviving another night." Others nodded at his statement as Rick brought his two children back to the RV. He smiled to himself happily at the idea of two children and finally getting his angel back.

"Amy. I don't know what to do, Amy. Oh, Amy. Oh no no," Andrea sobbed into the crook of her neck as she saw the lack of gargled breaths Amy was taking. One of the blondes, Amy, looked to her sister, crying harshly, and brought her frail hand to her cheek as if saying goodbye without the words and shut her eyes taking her final rest. "Amy! Amy! Amy!" Andrea wailed shaking the now dead body of her sister. Carl gripped onto Jacey's hand whimpering softly at the death of his friend.

Jacey looked down to the boy before wrapping her arms around him kissing his forehead gently, "It's okay, squirt," she looked around the group of traumatised faces, "everything's going to be okay."

"I remember my dream now," An older, pale man said to the group, "why I dug the holes."