#they're still really amusing to me

[pac1fythehunger]

still love screenshotting my cybergrind deaths

[vimbry]

completely unenforceable rule is you should only get to make youtube essays on actual random people if you can prove you're treating them with the respect and dignity they deserve, and not a curiosity to be laughed at. acting like you are, but clearly doing so through a patronising lens that views their personality as entertainment, doesn't count.

[moeblob]

Alright I told someone I would give propaganda for these two so here we go. As a warning, I didn't play mobile or Re-Mind soooooooo. Yeah there's that. I know they're apparently involved in past stuff but shhh.

So first off, everyone's weapon is super useful! Except theirs. Which I always thought was really funny? Even in Re:CoM Zexion's book was more direct than these two. I really enjoyed them just as the most indirect fighters? And figured they'd be pretty chill and after playing KH2 as a kid I'm like. I think Luxord would be most tolerable to music while vibing. He could play Solitaire or something while Demyx played music and possibly chatted. Therefore, my younger self was like "it's perfect".

ALSO CONSIDERING THEIR NUMBERS! And the line in KH3 during the scene where Demyx is like "yup I got benched", they've probably got a history. However, the number they get originally is supposed to be the order they joined. So with Marluxia and Larxene obviously tied together in the past, all I can think of is these two just being absolute bums wandering around pre-Organization and just hitch hiking their way into a cult. Which is also REALLY funny to me because what if they joined at the same time but Demyx got to be IX and Luxord is X.

Demyx would hold his rank over his head for the dumbest stuff (in my head canons of the past).

Like there's so many things we specifically do not know about these two so basically, until I'm proven absolutely incorrect in game (which might have happened and I just don't know) ! I think they'd be a good match.

And I mean, it's also just (gestures) LOOK AT HOW CUTE THEY ARE. Great designs and I think that's good enough for me!

[libraryleopard]

Young adult contemporary coming-of-age story (releases 4/16, I read an early copy from Netgalley)

Follows two first-year students at Wellesley College who run dueling anonymous advice columns and befriend each other in real life as they bonded over both being aroace, unaware of the other's internet identity

Platonic love story

Explores themes like aroace identity, finding community, being the queer child of immigrants, and trying to find your place in the world as a young adult looking towards the future

Love letter to platonic/familial love and finding community

Aromantic asexual Chinese American protagonist; aromantic asexual gender-questioning/nonbinary (she/they) protagonist; lots of QPOC side characters

[gxlden-angels]

Christians will see a group of stressed college students and ask if anyone else is gonna make their stress worse and not wait for an answer

[mushroom-for-art]

Syn has been living in my head rent free so he gets put in situations, situations being going to a nice café apparently and chatting with another shadow mewtwo, hope this is okay @seasidemew also Pikkot and the concept of Stardust Café belongs to @spikyegg!

Business was steady within multiverse Stardust café, Pokémon filed in and out most ordering their treats to go as they continued on their journey through the possibilities while some chose to stay and take a seat, taking a moment to relax within the calm aromatic atmosphere of the shop, freshly baked treats and breads steamed creating a delicious scent with carefully crafted teas to suit. The customers chatted at their tables to those they'd never even met before from entirely different worlds all taking the time to enjoy the delicacies lovingly baked by Pikkot in the kitchen, strangers exchanged cakes and brownies to each other in warmth as for a time a great sense of community was created within the room.

Due to the boundaries of this space within and between universes synergy corrupt individuals found that they quickly mellowed out as the behaviours of seeking more power were impossible in this environment and yet being in this bubble outside of worlds kept them appeased allowing many to return to an almost rational state. Though the many customers still exercised an air of caution about the two dark hued genetic Pokémon that were chatting up a storm at one of the tables, creating a noticeable area of empty seats. The taller, lighter gray hued of the two laughed into his hand as his tail idly swayed the end glowing brightly as it brushed across the floor. The more dark blue gray hued one with bright glowing crackles of energy flashing over her skin continued moving her hands in flourish as she told her story, her tail tip flicked in engagement though rested on a stool rather than laying on the floor like her companion's due to the bright shining and incredibly sharp crystal fused into the tip of her tail.

"Of course I wasn't going to let such a cheap tactic fly, while I understand it from a battle strategy point of view my way of seeing it is, if one is going to execute some cheap trick you need to be sure you can follow through, use it to your advantage to strike an ending blow and win, otherwise you're just gonna piss me off," she laughed a bit of an empty cruel laugh her tail swaying near the base which didn't quite reach the end, "well, I say that is if the miserable little creature had any real chance of winning." Her hand moved, rolling her wrist to flourish with her hand once more, "not to brag or anything." Her tone not matching her statement.

"I will give them the fact they managed to create a mark," her finger touched over a small scar on her forearm tapping it before turning her arm in examination, "not that it's that noticeable, well not noticeable to normal people at least but noticeable to champions," her mouth turned into a grin and although she showed teeth it was playful as her tone complimented casually. Her companion smirked as he raised a brow before relaxing into a chuckle.

"Complimenting me won't make me reconsider my evaluation on how much of a threat you might be," though they watched each other with equal caution there was a level of ease and playfulness to his tone, "but it does boost my ego." She tutted.

"Arceus in heaven above we can't be having that," she remarked playfully. She leant back casually in her chair in a half stretch as he turned from the waist to look around the café casually at hearing the bell on the door chime, he regarded the Bisharp with little interest turning back to sitting forward. There was a softer chime from the order up bell as a short, glasses wearing orange tailed mewtwo collected the plates of cakes and other confectioneries along with the two teacups and a specially chosen tea brewed in a teapot to compliment the taste buds. As they walked around the front desk carefully holding the tray in their hands the Bisharp moved backwards in a deliberate fast beat that saw their foot standing directly on one of the mewtwos toes and their bladed body roughly knocking into them also as the mewtwo staggered from surprise and no doubt pain. Their momentum saw them side stepping before they steadied and slowed the tray still balanced and no treats lost or tea spilt as they sighed in relief.

The Bisharp barked some remark about watching where you're going to the Mewtwo as they continued forward, keeping their head down before arriving at the table of the shadow Pokémon without further incident. Carefully they took the plates from the tray placing them on the table along with the teacups and pot, the lighter one, Syn glanced over the food that had been delivered and brought his eyes over to glance at the other mewtwo, short for mewtwo standards for sure with a short tail to boot, a bump in the chest piece that would indicate a mega stone along with some noticeable scarring around the region. His eyes glanced at the cuts made in their side that were starting to slowly bleed.

"That looked like it hurt," he commented casually as they put down the last of the tables order, he watched them move their shoulder and arm to look at the cuts and frown to themselves.

"aah drat…I guess it did," the mewtwo who he realized was a female spoke from their mouth, "could've been worse though, so glad it wasn't." Her tone was infectiously positive and a bit on the loud side."Pikkots gonna end up making a first aid wall of shame for me though at this rate," she laughs in an easy manner, "well I hope you both enjoy, and Darkness don't cause any trouble."

The darker mewtwo made something of a bleh sound in response as the orange two walked back to the kitchen to go receive first aid for their cuts, giving the bisharp an incredibly wide berth.

Syn made a soft laugh, "I still can't believe you settled on Darkness as your name."

"Oh yea sure Mr Syn-ergy crystal, I was young I'd only had this body what 3 minutes when I made that choice, I'm looking into experimenting with a new name ya jerk." Her tone was easy though as he chuckled picking out a treat to try from the selection, dramatically hovering his hand above the plates twirling his finger.

"So, how do you know that other mewtwo? Didn't strike me as the type of person you'd hang out with."

Darkness took a macaron and popped it in her mouth happily enjoying the texture and flavor on her tongue with a satisfied hum before speaking with projected telepathy, "she's not, that was May she's," she paused struggling for words rolling her wrist in a few circles before uncertainly settling on, "she was my first suitable host that survived having me implanted into them, and she's the horrid creature that mutually corrupted me as I corrupted her." She made a noise, "and I suppose now in this body I'm technically her clone sibling as I had to use her genetic sequencing to create this absolute form of perfection." She gestures to herself proudly in emphasis, "I blame the unique situation of our corruption for my, difficulties now with taking over another host. Luckily this body suits me quite nicely." She shrugged casually lifting the teapot carefully with psychic energy and pouring the tea into one of the available cups, she glanced with her eyes and motioned with her head and Syn moved his cup to motion that yes he would like a cup too.

"You must be fibbing," he brought the cup to his lips to take a drink before biting into a cupcake, he continued telepathically, "she's hardly a viable host? I haven't seen her use any Psychic powers, she walks around mouth talks and carries things in her hands plus she let that Bisharp get away with bullying her, she seems too soft to survive a corruption event. And there's no way you're cloned from her, she's all small and cute looking and you're well," he gestures vaguely, "you're designer."

"Good save with that one," She chuckled "and you're telling me, I am well aware of the state of her," Darkness sighed a bit turning a cupcake between her fingers, "she's, something, she's annoying weak and placid but it took me years to wear her down enough to take over, I was implanted before she was even technically full grown or officially born. It's embarrassing to think how long she prevented me for, but I suppose admirable in a weird way. I have a bit more of an appreciation for her now that I'm, more organic, urg semantics." She bit into the cupcake aggressively with a frustrated huff at her display of emotions.

He raised a brow at her, "it took years to possess her? And what happened when you finally succeeded?" he leant his elbow on the table leaning in a bit to hear more, he was a bit surprised in all honesty wondering what that meant for the power this May had to remain herself for so long.

"When I finally was able to take control I found a strange amount of potential within her, I found when used by the right person, myself of course, she could be incredibly powerful and dangerous. She was strong and I'll admit I was shocked at how well she took hits. Though I decided partly from vainness and partly from the fact I resented her at the time that she was inadequate even with her potential and decided to find the perfect vessel which led to having to clone and make the perfect body myself. I have to do all the hard work around here." She chuckled to herself.

"I'll admit though, I do worry about what she'd be like under the effects of an unaltered synergy crystal, no ideas mister," She lazily pointed a finger at him in accusation as he put his hands up in mock surrender pondering what would happen if he extended his corruption to her.

"I can see your face thinking, it could be your funeral." Darkness shrugged idly before smiling a bit as she chuckled to herself pointing with her thumb at a different mewtwo of a red pink hue and many discoloration patterns wearing a prosthetic on one arm and using psychic energy to recreate the other to make up for not having actual arms below the elbow and higher on one arm and a more pointed tail, "it also means I'm related to that fool over there another clone not made by me, if I have to put up with them at least I get free entertainment." She laughed a bit but Syn could see a bit of softness to her as she watched the other mewtwo flirting away to some male customers.

The orange mewtwo May returned from wherever she'd gone sporting some plasters and bandages carrying trays and deliveries out to people once again. "So, that scar on her chest was-?"

"That's from me yes," Darkness casually answered before he could finish as she touched the jagged crystal growing out of her chest, "burst out of her when I finally took over, was incredibly painstaking making sure I got every piece out of her when I transfered into this form, I'm amazed I can still mega evolve with the mewtonite in such a state." She moved her tail, lifting it to show off the sharp crystal on the end like a blade, "this was all home grown however, carefully shaped and added."

"You grew synergy crystal?" Syn asked intrigued as she started to tell him about the process of successfully managing to grow and farm synergy crystal and how to encourage the crystals to grow a certain way.

Syn continued to glance over at the other customers as they discussed in lengths the process of crystal growing. He would watch the other mewtwos as well, some from many other universes arrived and he observed and mentally categorized them. Most of them looked like easy pickings, others looked like very filling meals. At some point Darkness as sneakily as possible opened a jar of gherkins, he accepted one to try in confusion to why she brought them to a sweetie café watching her bite into a cupcake and then a gherkin. He could faintly hear Pikkot in the kitchen gasp in absolute horror as though sensing someone was committing crimes against his baking as Syn could only stare in bafflement.

"Not pregnant are you, dear Darkness?" He smirked playfully in mock as he looked at her and she looked back at him, with the silence becoming just a touch deafening.

"Look-" She began before there was an incredibly loud clattering of metal trays and the scraping of a chair rapidly sliding across the floor before clattering over loudly. It distracted both the shadow Pokémon enough to look over at the drama.

The bisharp from before was stood with their table and chair thrown about and trays scattered across the floor. The red pink hued mewtwo apparently called Matt had his arms to his chest in startled protective reflex as he stood near the trouble making Pokémon.

"Look I'm gonna have to ask you to leave, that is completely unacceptable! Like look at this mess man, I'm gonna have to pick this all up!" Matt threw up his arms in an exaggerated fashion at his frustration at the mess. The Bisharp eyed Matt up as it moved slowly stalking to the side like some predator eyeing up its prey. The other customers quickly moved to be as far away as they could to be out of the danger zone.

"Woah.. Woah hey now..dont like how you're looking at me..you wouldn't attack a guy with no arms would ya?" Matt turned on his feet following the prowling Bisharp not letting it get behind him and quickly yelping as it decided to lunge with Matt promptly half throwing himself to the side out the way yelling, "NEVER MIND I GUESS YOU WOULD."

He slipped on some smooshed cake as he attempted to scramble away from the danger, Syn almost wondered if he should step in if only for the thrill of a fight. He moved to stand and felt Darkness grab his forearm with a quiet, "hold on I wanna see what happens," as he gave her a confused look wondering why she was preventing probably the only competent person from stepping in to help her supposed brother.

The Bisharp swung their arm to slash with intent to cause serious injury before it's body froze in place, a thin shimmering white outline could be seen around their body as May stepped out from the kitchen with a cold expression, her eyes completely white. Despite the psychic energy rolling off of her in waves picking up the scattered chairs and tables scooping up squished cake and generally tidying up she didn't float, her arms carefully wrapped under Matts to pull him up as he moved to very quickly duck behind his furious sister.

She looked around the restaurant scanning over to make sure that no one else was hurt and nothing else needed fixing as the Bisharp made a grunt of effort as they attempted to break free of the psychic restraint, her head snapping to look at them at the sound.

She stared at them, tail swishing up and down as the metal blade on their arm began to quietly rattle and with a crack the metal shattered and they dropped to the floor at the sudden release.

The bisharp wailed at the destruction of their blade and there was no sympathy on her face as they stumbled holding their injured arm that hung limp with the pain having more than just a damaged pride as they fled out the door. Her eyes remained aglow watching after them, undoubtedly aware that with a damaged blade the social position of that bisharp was now ruined, that they would likely lose their pack and struggle to hunt, and there was still no sympathy on her face as she blinked and her eyes returned to normal.

"Boooo you should've killed him," Darkness hollered as other customers looked at her in horror at her suggestion as she simply smirked and shrugged. May shook her head checking over her brother asking if he was hurt before sweeping up the scattered metal shards off the floor and moving to apologize to the nearby customers for the actions she just took.

"What just happened.." Syn glanced at Darkness in bewilderment but also in slight awe at the casual brutality he just witnessed.

"I told you, Mays got potential but for some reason she can use her powers to protect other people and not herself and when she does use her powers? Well you saw what happened. Again, no ideas mister I don't wanna see her as a shadow version of her."

"Of course," he spoke glancing over as May went back to work, "I wouldn't dream of it." He lied casually.

[cheekblush]

really starting to think someone put the evil eye on me.....

[devotedlystrangewizard]

out of a desperate need to entertain myself while doing dungeons for wondrous tails i kept double pulling, manderville mambo-ing, and only healing emet-selch at the last moment. he used invuln.

[irritablepoe]

Idk what to get my friends for their birthdays

[aroaceleovaldez]

the different relationships of the big 3 kids with their godly parents are so amusing to me. Percy's like, awkwardly aware that his dad cares about him but they're still too distant so every time Poseidon tries to do Dad Things Percy just doesn't really know what to do about it. Thalia doesn't like her dad and Jason is pretty generally negative towards both Jupiter and Hera/Juno.

Meanwhile the only reason Pluto hasn't given Hazel everything in the Underworld is because he left to buy milk for too long/Gaea and Marie got the kids in the divorce and now Hazel's too distant so he has to use Nico as a proxy so she knows he cares about her. And on the other side of things Nico's just like "oh yeah no my relationship with my dad is great. Yeah my step-mom too. And her mom. Of course I see them regularly, I live with them. You guys don't-?"

[haveihitanerve]

Four Times the Batkids Forget They're Adopted, and The One Time Damian Forgets He Isn't

It had started off as a joke, as most things do, and Dick meant nothing behind it, really. It was amusing to him, actually, to tell his coworkers things about Batman and pass it off as his father. “Oh my dad? Yeah hes not big on talking. He loves showing me he cares though.” (this was, of course, in reference to Batman doing three back flips and a kick split when Nightwing had patrolled with him the other day, a classic Nightwing move) But it soon…went deeper. Dick stopped making jokes out of it, and actually began listing things about Bruce. About his Dad. It didn't help that his police friends were actually interested. “So did you and the old man do anything fun over the weekend?” Dick thought back to how he had wanted to surprise Bruce by stopping by for dinner and instead had ended up in the sewer eating granola bars on a stakeout for killer croc, who had escaped. Again. “Oh yeah we had a picnic.” Dick nodded, smiling at Randy. “Yeah. He’s, he’s kinda bad at remembering when to eat a meal on time and all that.” Dick laughed. “Its something I share too. Must be genetics.” He rolled his eyes. Randy laughed, clapping a hand on his shoulder. “I hear you. My old man smoked all the live long day. I try to keep it down, but that addiction gene is just strong eh?” Dick chuckled. “Yeah I guess.” His phone buzzed in his pocket and he waved to Randy, turning to tug it out. It was one, simple message from Babs. “Ur adopted genius. What genes.” 

Jason didn't even know how they had gotten on the topic. But here they were. “Yes. I got my mothers hair, of course, but I get my temper from my father.” Artemis was saying. “I have parents.” Bizarro grunted. Roy laughed, smacking him on the shoulder. “Well you certainly didn't get Kal’s looks buddy. But you do have his killer hair.” Starfire laughed. “That is true. I, for one, share my parents hair and have my fathers powers. But truly the best gene I was given were my mothers eyes.” They all turned to Jason. “What about you?” Roy asked. Jason scratched the back of his neck. “Uh, I used to have my dads eyes but um after the pit y'know,” He waved to his now green eyes. “And actually I have my dads dark black hair, and he’s graying early too, which might be why my white streak is so prominent.” They nodded in agreement. “But yeah, hes actually a little taller than me so maybe I’ll still grow a few inches but uh yeah. I don't… remember my mother enough to talk about her.” “Dang man. I wish we could meet your dad.” Roy murmured, laying a comforting hand on Jason’s shoulder. “Then we could really compare. I mean-” He laughed. “You sound like his carbon copy.” Jason frowned at his friend. “What do you mean? You’ve met Bruce?” They stared at him. “Jason,” Artemis began slowly. “Aren't you adopted?” 

Tim hunched over the information form, eyes straining to read the small print. His hand reached up to stifle a yawn and he settled for a sigh instead. It was late, but Tim needed to get the form done before he went to bed, otherwise everything would be far too stressful in the morning. He reached over and grabbed his coffee mug, a dark black cup that had a red R painted on it poorly. Bruce had made it for him a few years ago when he had first become Red Robin. He sipped it, staring down at the medical form. “Gods I hate having to do this.” He muttered, but reluctantly grabbed the thick medical binder Alfred had obligingly gotten for him when he had asked for medical records of the family. Tim did not under any circumstances, want to have to sit at the doctors office the next day and somehow lie his way through all the medical questions relating to his family history. He didn't have the time nor patience for it, and it was crucial he was given proper medical advice what with his missing spleen. “Any history of heart issues Bruce?” Tim muttered, flipping back past Martha and Thomas to Bruce’s great great great grandfather. “Nope, guess not.” Tim was halfway through the form when he realized the blood coursing through his veins wasn't Bruce’s. 

Steph rubbed a hand across her belly, staring at the monitor. “Your baby looks good Ms. Brown. They’re at the proper stage. Due in about two months. We’ll see you back here for your next check up.” “thank you doctor.” Steph murmured, sliding off the bed and dressing quickly before hurrying out to her car. The car door slammed shut behind her and she breathed, pressing her forehead to the steering wheel. Her phone buzzed. She lifted it and pressed it to her ear, hitting accept. “Hello?” “hey Steph.” Bruce’s voice vibrated through the phone. “How was your doctors appointment?” Steph gave a bitter laugh. “Everything looks good. The baby will come in about two months.” “Thats good. Thats real good.” Steph nodded, eyes closed. “You doing okay Stephanie?” Bruce asked, voice soft. “I don't know.” her voice broke and she squeezed her eyes shut, fighting tears. “I just- I’m so scared Bruce. So scared.” Bruce hummed comfortingly through the phone. “I know Steph. Its scary. And parenting, its hard.” Steph coughed out a watery chuckle. “Was that a hit?” She muttered, rubbing a hand over her face. Bruce chuckled. “No. Baby it wasn't. And just think, you’ll get to see all the firsts I didn't get with you. Their first steps. Their first wave. You might even get to hear them say mama before i kidnap- i mean adopt him or her.” Steph laughed again, and it sounded less watery. “Yeah. Well, when do kids start walking?” She asked in interest, sniffing and sitting up straight again. Bruce hummed. “Well i started walking almost immediately, but Im special.” Steph laughed. “Of course.” “alfred said i first started talking when I was around thirteen months old, and Talia said Damian was walking by ten, but she could have been lying.” Steph nodded. “Tell me more.” She whispered. Bruce obliged, happy to distract her. “Oh and whats probably going to be your favorite, babies, or at least I did, start laughing at around four months.” “laughing?” Steph gasped. “Oh Brucie!!! Thats too funny! Little chubby baby you, the future batman, laughing!” She cooed. She could almost feel his eye roll through the phone and stifled her laugh. “So yeah..” Bruce finished. “You should expect your kiddo to start walking around then. And laughing probably sooner. I would have if you'd be in my life at that time.” Steph was quiet. “Thank you B.” He hummed. “Anytime Steph. I’ll always be here to help you.” “Wait wait wait-” a new voice joined in the background of Bruce. “Are you guys serious right now?” Steph identified it as Jason. “What?” Bruce asked puzzled. “B, Stephs adopted. Her kid is as likely to walk at the same time you did as when she did!” 

“Damian?” “Go away Drake.” Damian called back, riffling through the papers. “Dami?” Tim poked his head into his younger brothers room. “Oh hey kiddo. Whatcha doing?” “I am busy Timothy.” Damian countered in annoyance, shoving the box back under his bed and moving to his desk. “What are you looking for?” Tim asked puzzled. Damian ignored him. “Dami.” “Go away Timothy.” Tim crossed his arms, leaning against the doorframe. “Come on Baby Bird. Tell me.” Damian shook his head, covering the blush on his cheeks by poking behind the desk. “Damian.” Tim’s hand was suddenly on his back. Damian jumped. Tim held up his hands in surrender. “Just tell me. I’m sure I can help you find it.” Damian sighed in acceptance, cheeks pink. “I have.. Lost my adoption papers.” He muttered, staring at the floor. But Tim didn't laugh or ridicule him. In fact, when he looked up, his brother seemed thoughtful. “Well i know me and dick and jason have them hung over our beds…” His gaze drifted to the very clearly empty space above Damians bed. “I know.” Damian jerked his head in a nod. “That is why I wished to find it.” Tim nodded in understanding. “Well, lets go look in the den. Thats where Alfred keeps all the legal stuff.” Damian trailed after his brother to the living room and watched as he opened the cabinet and pulled out three boxes. “You look through this one, I’ll search these two.” Tim ordered. Damian nodded, accepting the box. It was where Alfred found them, two hours later, broom in hand. “My dear sirs, what are you doing?” The butler asked in bafflement. “Looking for Damians adoption record.” Tim answered, nose still in some papers. Alfred looked at them. “Master Tim. Master Damian.” The two boys looked up. “Yes Alfred?” Tim asked. Alfred's face was fond and utterly confused. “Master Damian is not adopted. He is Master Bruce’s blood son.” 

@nonepizzawithleftglitter @zombiewithaflowercrown

you asked and you shall recieve!

[vimbry]

ever had a completely different interpretation of a song before seeing how the lyrics are written? not like, mishearing them, but the punctuation clarifying another emphasis/perspective than the one you had in mind.

when listening to "destination moon", I thought:

thank you for the card with the cartoon nurse, but you see, there's nothing wrong with me, you think, that's what you think, that's what they all say, before I blow you away.

was the narrator bitterly echoing things people who didn't believe they were ill had said to them, in an "I told you so" kind of a way. 'gee, thanks so much for wishing me well in hospital, but apparently, there isn't anything wrong with me, remember?' I figured they were just repeating "you think" for emphasis. but it's actually:

thank you for the card with the cartoon nurse, but you see there's nothing wrong with me, you think, "that's what you think, that's what they all say", before I blow you away.

which flips it to the narrator being stubborn while people around try to get them to notice how sick they are. totally different!

[honeydazai]

୨୧·࣭࣪̇˖ sending them suggestive pictures while they're at work

feat.: Dazai, Chūya, Ranpo, Fukuzawa, Fyodor, Sigma

content: nsfw, female reader, spanking, sexting, oral sxx, masturbation, semi public

It's not unusual for DAZAI to tap away on his phone during work hours, so no one — except for Kunikida, who still hasn't given up on glaring — pays it any mind when his smirk widens at his screen. What remains a secret, however, is that he's not looking at some funny tweet but instead at your tits, the blue lace of your bra making for a pleasant contrast in colour.

He's awfully smug about the whole ordeal, really; also, who is he not to play along? He definitely sends you not only some appreciative words back, but also a picture of his own, featuring either his hands — he does know that you're quite fond of his fingers, after all —, his face — because you can never complain about that! —, or his by now half-hard dick, pressing against his trousers, even though taking soft nudes borders on workplace indecency. Oh, and your pictures are definitely saved and stored away on his phone for later usage.

[new message from Dazai] “someone's needy, harassing me during work hours! just kidding bella!! you're so cute xx stunning too! how am i supposed to listen to kunikida any longer when you're so so pretty? :( ill call out sick, be there in 20 x”

CHŪYA really doesn't expect to see anything but a picture of a dog you saw outside or of a particularly pretty flower when he spares a brief glance at his phone during a Port Mafia meeting. It's already disrespectful, though he doesn't plan on anyone noticing the miniscule action — that is, until he all but chokes on his coffee at the photo of you, legs spread wide, two fingers deep inside of yourself, wearing not only his favourite lingerie set, but also one of his ties.

He tries hard to ignore the way everyone stares at him when he, all too abruptly, excuses himself to the bathroom, his face bright red. In the safety of a stall, he really can't do anything but shove his trousers to his knees, one hand immediately closing around his dick while he types your number into his phone with his free one — and while he might snap at you, oh so flustered, he's also so damn turned on that he can barely focus on anything but the sound of your voice and your photo.

“Fucking Hell, babe—, God, with how Mori was looking at me, I bet he knew what was up. Fuck—, send me another one, please, I'm so damn close, ah—”

Business meetings aren't RANPO'S favourite way to spend time. They're awfully boring, making him huff and sigh when he has to sit through them — though this one gets a lot more interesting the moment he clicks on a text message from you. He raises an eyebrow at the sight of your panties, pure lace and hiding not even the slightest bit just how wet you are, thighs glistening, though that's about all the physical reaction he's going to show. The fact that his dick strains against his trousers is no one's business.

He is, however, quick to text you back, amusement dripping from his messages, and if Fukuzawa wasn't already watching him with sharp eyes, he'd sneak away to the bathroom to call you. For now, you'll just have to do with sexting — this meeting is going to go on for a while, especially if he won't soon start contributing, and he's unfortunately got better things to do.

[new message from Ranpo] “having fun without me? youre so mean. at least send me more pics im dyin g here... maybw bend over or— ooo i know, we bought that toy a while ago, right? why don't you use that one for me, doll....”

FUKUZAWA sucks in a sharp breath the second his eyes fall onto your form clad in nothing but one of his yukatas, and even though he attempts to remain calm, he's already blushing, arousal churning low in his stomach. Really, he was just trying to take a miniscule break from all the paperwork he's facing — besides, the cat ringtone signaling your message did sound rather urgent! —, though now he's not certain whether he can focus on it again.

He ends up typing “This is most inappropriate.” in response, though he never sends it, instead replacing it with a “You look stunning.”, only to never send that one either. In the end, he just quits work a little earlier that day and hurries home faster than he'd ever want to admit, cheeks still flushed with arousal when he joins you in bed, immediately slotting himself between your pretty thighs, long fingers spreading your folds apart and into your cunt to prepare you — only to realise you've long done that yourself. How convenient. He might reprimand you a little afterwards, though both of you realise it's not to be taken seriously. When he's honest with himself, he rather liked that photo — and he'll definitely keep it.

“That was awfully inappropriate. Darling, you know I enjoy getting to hear from you during the day, and yet — what? I didn't mind you wearing my clothing in the slightest. I was worried about someone from the Agency seeing the picture. In fact, wear my clothes again whenever you feel like it. Please do. You looked quite irresistible.”

It's almost unfair just how seemingly unbothered FYODOR is. When checking his phone during a Decay of Angels meeting, aware that you know not to contact him except for important reasons, he merely glances at the photo lewdly depicting your raised skirt and the curve of your behind before putting it back into his pocket. Really, it's downright adorable that you're attempting to tease him — you should know better by now, darling.

While he doesn't bother with a response, he certainly makes sure to pay attention to you when he returns home. And, oh, the next time you want to toy with him, he sure hopes you remember this very moment, of you bent across his lap, his hand coming down ever so often on your butt, on the soft skin of your upper thighs, making you cry out with every slap. The marks, at least, will serve as a nice reminder, especially when you keep forgetting to thank him for every hit.

“There we go, dear. Ah, ah — don't cry now. This is what you wanted, is it not? My undivided attention — and you certainly have it, now. Which number were we on again? Tell me, darling, or we will have to start over, I'm afraid.”

The second SIGMA spares a quick glance at his phone, only to stumble upon a rather revealing picture you just sent him — and, God, 'rather revealing' is an understatement when he's able to see just how wet you are, thighs spread for the camera —, his face heats up significantly, earning him some odd looks from the other men he's currently in a meeting with. In a desperate attempt to regain professionalism, he clears his throat, trying to simply continue, but it's as if every thought has been erased from his mind and was replaced by you.

When getting home that evening, he's calmed down considerably, cheeks still warm with the memory of you being this bold, though his sudden calmness might just change when you expect him in that exact same position, legs wide apart, the smile on your face teasing — and who is he not to end up on his knees in front of you, tongue flattening against your cunt while both of you let out breathy moans? In the end, he's all but begging you to return the favour.

“Ah, God, I'm close. At least finish me off, please—, you were really cruel today, dear. Make it up to me? Please? Oh, fuck—”

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[shadebloopnik]

"He asked me to join his team."

"I said no and now he's pissy, that's the tea."

The idea of him rejecting Vox's was already hilarious, but when i realized the Vees were a polycule, it made it so much funnier-

Because like, this could go down 3 ways

1.) Alastor was being really generous here. Telling the public that he rejected Vox when Vox was in love with him would have done so much more damage. He chose not to, either bc he doesn't find it as entertaining, or bc he maybe feels a little bit of pity for the guy.

2.) Alastor knows, same as above, except he doesn't say it purely because he's so creeped out by it. He's so fcking disgusted by it, he'd rather not be reminded.

3.), The most PROBABLE one, and for me, most hilarious, is that Alastor doesn't know shit. Look, this is the guy who doesn't know his own SEXUALITY, not even when his bestie Rosie knows. He doesn't know he's ace, nor does he bother to pay attention. He probably, GENUINELY thought Vox was just offering to work together, and found it so amusing that Vox is so worked up by it. Like to him, the guy was throwing a tantrum bc he didn't join their team, how childish (what? He rejected him? Why yes, he rejected a job offer, that much was quite obvious thank you for noticing). So there's just this guy dealing with a rejection, absolutely batshit obsessed with him, and Alastor still thinks its bc of a silly lil teamup.

Edit: Confirmed they aint canon poly, which will not stop fanon lmaoooo. They're poly in my heart😔😔✨✨✨ Also the fact that they're called a Vee(a sort of poly relationship) and their vibes being a complete coincidence is hilarious to me lmao. This is another destiel situation lmaooo

[sweetnans]

"You are pretty annoying"

"Did you just call me pretty?"

You are delusional if you think that your boyfriend Bakugo would ever hold his thoughts about you, even if they're bad.

You've been in this weird relationship for years where you yap his ear off, and he teases in return. Your friends find it amusing, actually.

Your relationship with him didn't begin in the best terms. In fact, he found you annoying and overly friendly for his liking.

You always found a way to enter in people's lives without being nosy, it wasn't the typical psychology complex when people try so hard to be involve in everyone's lives just because they need to find a solution to help themselves feel good. You genuinely cared about others, and these others found you easy to talk to.

Among other people, you were one of the most popular girls in UA. With your big smile and obnoxious laugh, Bakugo thought you were fake. Always laughing at shitty hair bad jokes, and cluelessly chatting with that monoma prick like he wasn't messing with you to rile you up (which apparently never worked)

One day, he saw you from afar and pretended to walk the other way to not run to your face.

"Hey, Bakugo!" You exclaimed running after him.

He cursed lowly, and his shoulders tensed a little bit.

"Hey"

He didn't want to talk to anyone. It wasn't personal this time.

"What's with that face? You look like Deku said something"

Your statement felt like you left your words hanging, like you were missing some important complement.

Something like...what?

"Huh? What do you mean?" He squinted his eyes at you, finally stopping in his tracks.

"I dunno," you shrugged, losing your characteristics smile. "You always put that face when Deku opens his mouth. It doesn't matter what he says. You always end up like that"

Deku, in fact, said something, but that wasn't the point. The main point was you reading him so well to the end that he'd never said anything to you, but you still knew what happened to him.

That day, he started paying attention to you, too, and he changed his mind about you being fake.

After months of getting to know each other, you two formed something very unique and cliché at the same time. The famous grumpy x sunshine thrope characterized by the angry pomeranian and the chatty girl that everyone liked. The unique part was Bakugo actually getting involved with someone else.

In the present, he still resents, but admires, the way you always develop in big groups, how every room seems to light up the moment you walk in, and of course, how you read him to perfection.

You two have been laying on his bed for the entire noon, and you've been trying for half an hour to make him talk about his friendship with Deku, now that he openly accepted that he is his friend, You've been pushing the man to tell you how he really feels about apologizing and getting him back after chasing him when Deku thought that it was for the best move away.

"For fucks sake, can you stop?" He tells you grabbing your hips and tickling the skin under your shirt.

"I'm just trying to coaxe you to tell me what you really feel. You know it's not healthy for your mind and body to keep your emotions bottled. You are a person, not a ticking bomb waiting to explode. " You try carresing his neck with your fingerpads.

He looks at you from his side of his bed, and his brows get knitted while his nose scrunch a little.

"What?" You ask at his demeanor.

"You are pretty annoying," he says with a gruff voice, moving one of his hands from your hip to the back of your head, entangling his fingers with your hair.

Your smile widens.

"Did you just call me pretty?"

Now you are showing your full smile, teeth, dimples, and all, the whole package. He can't help it. The butterflies erupt in the pit of his stomach, and the tip of his ears turns in a pink hue.

"Dumbass," he said, rolling his eyes and flicking your forehead.

God, getting to know you was the best that ever happened to him.

[renthony]

It's darkly amusing to me that some people thought my mom didn't "discipline" me enough as a kid, were not shy about making sure both she AND I knew it, and now as an adult I'm one of the only people in my friend group who still wants anything to do with their parents. The proof is in the pudding, as they say.

When I was a kid, I broke a ceramic soap dispenser. I burst into tears and was terrified that I was going to be in trouble. My mom told me that it was okay, because accidents happen sometimes, and the important thing was that I didn't do it on purpose and apologized.

When someone else I know was a kid, they broke a dish on accident and got screamed at and guilt tripped. To this day, they have to push down a panic attack at the sound of broken glass, and have had to actively work on healing from that trauma. They will always have to carry that.

I think maybe it's not MY mom who fucked up in the "how to discipline your child" department. Quite frankly, I think the idea of "disciplining children" is fucked up and deeply harmful on a fundamental level.

When a kid does something wrong, you have to teach them how to fix it and do better. Humans are messy and complicated and we don't know everything there is to know just by being born. Children are learning how to be human beings, and that's a really hard thing to learn.

Kids question and fight back against authority that mistreats them, but someone treating them like a human being with human emotions is usually going to have a lot of success. Kids just want to be respected, and it's our job as adults to give them that basic human dignity. The world is utterly terrifying, and made scarier when all the grown-ups seem to hate you and wish you would just shut up and go away, even the ones that claim they want you around.

Kids can be mean, because they're still learning how to socialize and communicate and collaborate. Sometimes you have to give them time to cool off, and sometimes you have to redirect them. Sometimes you have to be firm. Sometimes you have to be an adult, and hone your conflict de-escalation and resolution skills. None of that requires punishment.

And if a child does something truly cruel and fucked up and shitty, and it hurts someone in a big way? My first question isn't "what should their punishment be," my first question is always, "who taught this kid that, and is this child in active danger from them?"