#they've always always felt that they were on the same wavelength

[yeommijeong]

i'm highkey obsessed with this thought right now……… we haven't been overanalyzing their little interactions in eps 1-2 (before the worship me convo)!!! there really was Something between them, and that's why the Tension was so Real!!!!!!!! and mijeong, being as insanely observant as she was, picked up on that and that's why she was able to approach him in the first place ㅠㅠ

[thebibliosphere]

I receive many wonderful and kind comments about Phangs in my inbox daily, but the ones that stick with me the most are always from fellow neurodivergent people, usually elated or crying because Phangs is the first book they've been able to read since their teens, sometimes even decades.

"I thought I'd lost the ability to read; I thought there was something wrong with me; I thought I was broken," over and over and over again.

I've talked about it before, but just in case you need to hear it: it's not just you; it's the publishing industry.

If you follow my Twitter, you may have seen the thread where I talked about what that was like, and how I was often handed the "problem" writers who struggled to conform to the industry standards. (The original thread is gone, but for context, it was about the lack of accessibility in publishing for people with ADHD) I didn't know it then because I wasn't yet diagnosed, but I understood the problems these writers were having because our brains functioned on the same wavelength.

I understood why they felt specific changes harmed the text, but I also understood that it was the cost of being published, and it was my job to help them with it. I went above and beyond to make it as painless for them as possible. All the while listening to my colleagues around the wine water cooler deride these writers as "pretentious" and "too thin-skinned for publishing."

I hated them. I still hate them, and I hate that the industry is the way it is because it's really not that difficult to accommodate.

Suppose an ADHD author tells you the changes you've made have made a sentence incomprehensible to them (and I cannot stress enough how distressing it is to have something you wrote be turned into something you cannot read). In that case, it's likely because you've removed certain critical elements for the sake of brevity. It might not look like vital elements to you, but for ND brains, longer sentences with additional qualifiers and descriptors can really help us latch onto the "rhythm" of a text, which can help us feel more immersed and hold our attention better*.

Filler words can help with this; it gives our brain time to process but also figure out which parts are essential and to hold onto. It's sort of like, uh, how people say "like" and "uh" a lot (😋). These act as both social cues that indicate that while we might be pausing in our speech, we are not done talking yet, but also help keep our brains jogging along via the act of vocal stimulation. (If I can find the study I read on this, I'll come back and post the link.)

Regarding "superfluous" adjectives and "weak" adverbs, they often function to provide emphasis and context we might otherwise miss. Sure, you can go overboard with them, and they can lose all meaning if you do, but the general writing advice that "adverbs NEVER be used" is not only lousy in general but also means those of us who struggle with social cues and emotional context can be left feeling out of the loop.

I can't tell you the number of times I've had to go back and verify that a character is experiencing an Emotion because it wasn't emphasized, or the author tried to make it into a gut punch by using "sharp, punchy" language (but all they use is "sharp, punchy" language!), and my brain glossed over it because, well, if it's not part of the greater sentence structure, it's irrelevant.

And this shit is my job! I'm being paid to notice these things! It's just not how my brain works naturally, and forcing it to do so long-term is not only exhausting but distressing. Why would I keep trying to read something that causes me exhaustion and makes me feel stupid because I'm struggling to understand it?

Now, obviously, there will be times when a text needs sprucing up. Everyone has their "comfort" style of writing, and while repetition can be soothing to read, it can also make the text hard to engage with. Same with run-on sentences. Sometimes you need those one-word gut punches. Or everyone's favorite, the italicized "oh."

The trick is finding a happy medium between the two that retains your personal voice and writing style. A good editor will work with you to make this possible. A bad one will hack everything to pieces and tell you, "that's just how it's meant to be."

I was lucky with my editors. Sometimes, I had to tell them that the proposed changes wouldn't work and were causing me distress because I couldn't read them. And I knew. I knew if I couldn't follow the sentence structure, a good chunk of my prospective readers wouldn't be able to either. They weren't doing anything wrong. They were doing their jobs and ensuring my book had as much mainstream readability appeal as possible. However, the problem is that "mainstream readability," as we've already established, isn't accessible to a large chunk of the population. So we found ways to work around it. We made it work.

As is evident in the messages I get in my inbox daily.

Every single day, someone else tells me their friend recommended Phangs to them, and they were skeptical because they haven't been able to read a published book in years. And every single day, someone new tells me they loved Phangs, but the biggest thing they loved about it, was that they were even able to read it at all.

So thank you for the greatest compliment you can give me. A lot of work went into ensuring Phangs would be accessible to as many people as possible.

Also, sorry the industry is like *gestures* this.

----

*This is a generality and not true for everyone. People are not monoliths. I am merely speaking from my personal experiences from the things I have observed in the industry as an editor, a writer, and a lifelong reader who also now struggles to read the current style favored by the mainstream industry.

[hellbornhades]

After a week-long honeymoon The Griffins were ready to return to their reality. However Jaylah had a surprise for Travis.

With all the simoleons Jaylah had been earning through her royalties she knew they couldn't go back to their small home in Willow Creek to start their lives as a married couple.

So using everything she had saved, she bought them a new home in San Sequoia. It was a lovely 2 bedroom, 2 bathroom home in a quiet suburban area. Jaylah hoped eventually her and Travis could raise a child or two here, but she knew that was a far off dream.

Jaylah decided to wash her newest dog, Romeo, before heading off to work. I swear this dog is always getting into something, she thought to herself.

Some time has gone by since their wedding day, the Griffins haven't exactly been able to have some alone time since their marriage and honeymoon. Whenever Travis is off work, Jaylah is working. Whenever Jaylah is off work, Travis is working. Travis decided to call up a friend he hadn't spoken to since he moved out to live with Jaylah.

Travis opened the door and let his old roommate Summer inside. They took a seat at the dining room table.

Travis: "Sul sul, summer, it's been awhile!"

Summer: "Yeah, thanks for having me. I believe the last we hung out was the day of your wedding!"

Travis: chuckles "Haha, yes that's so true!"

Summer: "So what's the tea? How's married life treating you? Have you and Jaylah started talking about you-know-what?"

Travis: "Well married life is… interesting to say the least, our jobs keep us away from each other most days, but the passion is still there, ya know. And what's 'you-know-what'?"

Summer: "Oh, Travi, please tell me you're joking right?"

Travis: "Should I be? Is this something everyone knows about?"

Summer: "Do I have to spell it out? When are you and Jaylah going to have kids?"

Travis: "Oh.. uh, wait.. is that something we should be doing? I don't think we ever discussed that… and I'm not sure if Jaylah would want to with her finally gaining fame from her career…"

Summer: "I hear you, but you gotta remember her biological clock is ticking, eventually she won't be able to have kids and that's not something you wanna miss out on is it?"

Travis: "I… well… no.. but… work and–"

Summer: "Not to sound like a bummer, but isn't there a way you can work from home? Maybe even take a break from pursuing your career to let Jaylah finish out hers, especially since she is starting to gain some fame now.. I don't know, man, just think about it."

And with that, Summer left Travis with some things to think about, like his career and what his and Jaylah's future has in store for them.

It felt like hours before Jaylah actually got home from work. Actually, it took so long that Travis went off to bed without her.

But that didn't stop Angel from greeting her favorite owner.

Jaylah: "Hey, Fluffy Butt, thanks for greeting me. I know, I know, I'm late, but you won't believe the kind of day I had."

Angel glances at the camera as if to say: 'Excuse me, but why are you speaking to me about nonsense? Did you forget what time it is? You know it's time for my evening jog around the block, how else am I to keep my figure?'

And Jaylah starts to pour into the dog how her day went. She rambled on and on to Angel about how she jammed the printer and mixed up the ink cartridges, about how she ran into her boss and spilt her coffee all over them, and how she narrowly made it the bathroom by announcing to her boss and coworkers during a meeting that she really had to go.

Sadly Angel seemed to give zero f**ks about her owner's human problems.

Jaylah mumbled in a solemn tone, "I guess you don't really care either.. huh?"

And as a few more days go by, it's grown more clear to Travis that him and his wife aren't moving along the same wavelengths as he once thought.

The two genuinely don't seem to be spending much or really any time together anymore. Almost feeling like they've become roommates in their own home, one always away working while the other is home.

Travis stares at their marriage certificate and quietly thinks to himself, 'Will adding a baby to our already busy family actually help our relationship? Would stepping away from my career be the right decision for us? I can't ask Jaylah to do it, not while she's just started gaining the attention she's been wanting towards her writing now… What should I do..?'

.

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❣ previous post || begining post || next post ❣

[bebecue]

Hi rika! I'm genuinely so sick rn but it finally gave me the time to put together some song recs! (Also little Mavis update: you and my oldest sister are on the same wavelength cause she recommended the name Mavis bc of the hotel Transylvania character(she wanted to name her Selena but we said it had to be spooky so she settled for Alex or Mavis since they were played/voiced by her) she's still small and cute but she's also a demon who keeps shredding my arm :/)

1. Song of the Wind by KINGDOM - the Ghibli vibes are SO STRONG in this song, I don't think I've heard a kingdom song I don't like so far so this being my absolute no contest top song from them kinda says something. It's such a beautiful song and I'm so excited for you to listen to it

2. Reborn by GHOST9 - this wasn't a recent thing I was actually obsessed with this song last year when she had it on her Halloween playlist but I only rediscovered it recently when we she was watching the performance video on the TV heh

3. BlockBuster by DKZ - I think this is gonna be really entertaining for you so I'm not gonna spoil anything I'll just say that their nickname of "guys who know how to have fun" (or something like that) really makes sense lol

Bonus 4(&5 cause I have no self control)! Bewitched by PIXY - I LOVE a horror concept and pixy always eats it up, this is my favorite of theirs(my mum's too lol) there's only an mv for the eng version though, just so you know

Zombie by PURPLE KISS - another thing I love, a typically spooky concept made just SO FUN, I can't go I week without listening to her (ooh-ahh mv vibes, and another one of my mum's favorites haha)

Ily rika, sorry it's so long this time but I mean,,, it's been in the making for awhile heheh. think of me whilst I recover from the plague 😷 ~ bugunon

BUGUNONNNNN hi!!! aww no, what!!! you know when you sent this, i was sick with a sinus infection too, but it sounds like you have it much worse... and aaah your sister and i were on the same wavelength!! and mavis was an excellent choice, i'm glad you guys settled for it hehe and omg she turned you into a living scratch pole...

Song of the Wind by KINGDOM - OMG listennnn i heard the opening notes and i felt like i was transported into howl's moving castle. i love kingdom's concept, they've managed to release songs that are consistent with it so far, and there's a unique and refreshing take with each release

Reborn by GHOST9 - the opening literally took my breath away, i looove the dubstep elements, not many artists can integrate it well with pop-like vocals, but this song is incredible!!! this is going on my treadmill playlist hehe

BlockBuster by DKZ - i dont wanna spoil it either for anyone who wants to check it out, BUT THE SAMPLE AAAA i was like "hmmmm the opening sounds familiar" and then i kept watching and the prechorus started and i almost SCREAMED this is so good and fun, i'm almost mad i didnt know about this song before you recommended it

Bewitched by PIXY - my jaw literally DROPPED in the transition from the prechorus to the chorus, these girls know how to do a spooky concept omg.. i wish i had better headphones to listen to this because i know the bass would be killer

Zombie by PURPLE KISS - yes omg we love a fun spooky concept, but i'm gonna admit i already know zombie hehe it went viral here when it first came out because they used a logo from a local supermarket for art for one of the window decals.. the hook is SO Addicting, i'm gonna add this to my playlist again for spooky season hehe

i love how we stuck with sorta a halloween theme here omg bugunon these were so fun to listen to!!! i hope you're recovering well and getting a lot of rest, the plague does not sound fun

[oddlyhale]

Why Team Oz Was Wasted Potential

Looking back at the old volumes now, I can start to see a certain charm about James. While he thinks he has control because he’s a General, he is adamantly defiant when it comes to Oz. It never comes off as disrespect though, or at least he's trying not to be, but rather a problem with both men - and hell, the entire Team Oz - have a problem with personal defiance and communication. They may have formed a secret alliance, but they didn't work like one - - how Oz does one thing his way, - James does another thing his own way, - and Qrow will do whatever the fuck he wants.

Glynda seems to be the only one that follows their rules, so we all know who the team’s parent is.

What I’m getting at is that the entirety of Team Oz wasn’t perfect either, not only when it comes to the main adults of the team, but also with other connections. Leo was working behind everyone’s backs for Salem, Theodore is known to also have a defiant personality that talks shit on Oz and James’ way of running their schools. Raven talks in pointless circles even though she wants to expose Oz. It paints the narrative that nobody is truly unified.

Does this mean that they could never work as a team? Not necessarily.

You can still have a team of misfits, you just have a lot to iron out and expect a lot of disagreements.

Though, I do believe that's what makes Team Oz so unique to me. Instead of all working in a hivemind and always on the same wavelength of thinking, they're all individuals. They argue, they disagree, but they still find a way to come together to make it work. They've all got their own strengths, their own drives, their own thoughts. It was a hidden refreshment that I never thought about because of course, I was hoping to see the same thing with Team RWBY.

At the end of V3, when James saved Cardin and shot down the hacked knights, James shared a moment of misunderstanding, only for Qrow to fix that in seconds. This moment of the two men finally being civil with each other - Qrow affectionately calling James an idiot -, after an entire volume of talking down to each other, told me that there was hope for change in their attitudes. Even Glynda coming in to support James at his side was a nice touch to an untold alliance that was FINALLY being formed. They were starting to see eye-to-eye.

Now, this moment didn’t mean everything would be fixed in one night between the adults. They still had their overall flaws to overcome to truly be a unit. And that’s where I assumed that, perhaps, it would be Team RWBY that would finally be the mold to pull them together and become unified.

For a brief moment, it did seem like Team RWBY would face some problems when it came to being a team. Such as the example of Weiss wanting to become the team leader, but the role was given to Ruby instead. Looking back at it now, I can see why Weiss was angry about this decision. I would actually love to see a series where Weiss is the leader instead! It would be so cool!

But anyhow, Weiss hated that Ruby became the leader, as well as being critical of how Ruby was so clumsy with her fighting. It was all about finding teamwork.

But it seemed to of fixed itself quickly after Weiss spoke privately with one of the professors, and then she changes her mind about being a leader and starts being nice to Ruby.

I didn't like that, not because I wanted Weiss to be the leader. It just wrapped itself up so fast, that at the time, I still didn't think about it. It's a small problem that I wish was never wrapped up so fast.

Another instance of defiance would be about Blake's identity, how Weiss was openly racist and didn't think about how Blake felt. Again, another conflict resolved itself by the end of the same episode. So, it left as quick as it came.

I do think there's so much wasted potential when it comes to Team RWBY, but majorly when it comes to Team Adults. I think Team Oz is a perfect example of how different people with different ideas can still form a unit, not just hate each other forever or become a hivemind like current Team RWBY is.

I only wish there were changes to the story that could've kept them together than be separated. There seem to be more stories with the adults and the kids are only around as accessories that need to yell at everybody to make them compliant.

I do like a good story that works for unity than to blame each other. Have I been painfully mistaken by that notion? Yes, I have.

[ahloveisboo]

Pacific Rim!AU

— in which a category four Kaiju surfaces near Busan and the Nova Hyperion finally gets to fight on home territory.

drift compatible!verkwan / 1.3k words / jaeger!verkwan, pacific rim!au / mentions of possible death, being in danger

"Boo, Choi, you're up."

A fist pounds against their heavy, already open door and Seungkwan nearly topples out of his bunk at the sudden, aggressive call of his last name. He should be used to it by now, but it still sounds so foreign to him.

"Where to, sir?" Vernon inquires, already lacing his boots with a calm that is miles away from what Seungkwan is feeling.

"Busan," the Marshal states, and Vernon can hear his roommate suck in a breath. His fingers still for a moment, taking in the information. He and Seungkwan have both been dreading and longing for this moment, both missing their home base with every passing minute. They're finally going home, albeit he wishes the circumstances were different. 

Seungkwan and Vernon have been at the Nagasaki Shatterdome for years now. The Jaeger program had seen the light of day in 2014, when they were a mere 16 years old. As soon as they turned 18, they'd signed up for the Defense Corps. The idea of helping to save the world on such a large scale had thrilled them. They were young and full of fire. And it would definitely win them cool-points. 

Neither of them had ever expected to actually pilot a Jaeger though, yet here they were.

Vernon attempts to suppress a grin as he dons his armour but stops trying when he sees it mirrored on Seungkwan's face. They lock eyes for a moment, silence settling between them as they bask in the pre-combat jitters that always leave the room feeling somewhat charged. Like all that was needed right now was a tiny spark to set their soul on fire in the best possible way.

Seungkwan adjusts the shirt under his chest piece and chews at his cheek. He could never decide on his favourite part of battle—the actual fight and inevitably defeating the Kaijus - enormous alien beasts with neon acid for blood, or drifting with Vernon to be able to do it. 

It's pointless anyway, he guesses, as the two are firmly entwined.

The first time Vernon and Seungkwan drifted, he threw up. The experience of Vernon's entire being fusing with his had been too much for his body to withstand. Seungkwan shivers at the memory, checking his gear one final time before jogging to catch up with his partner and the Marshall already heading up to the Jaeger station. 

The Jaegers have to be operated by two (or more) pilots as they neurally connect into the interface of the machine. It requires a strong mental and physical bond between pilots and Jaeger, and can only come to fruition if both pilots are on the exact same wavelength, moving and thinking as one. 

Through the neural bridge (known as The Drift), Seungkwan has felt Vernon's deepest fears, his greatest desires, and seen his most precious memories. And inevitably, vice versa. He'd feel slightly embarrassed about it all if not for the fact that he'd known Vernon since they were 5 and nothing about what they'd shared on their first drift had been new information to him. 

He was still getting used to it, though. Sharing mind and body with his best friend. Like scientifically engineered soulmates. 

He wasn't going to lie—the Drift itself was exhausting, but at the same time exhilarating. He never felt more alive than when his soul connected with Vernon's, bodies in sync and heart on his sleeve. There was no place to hide in the Drift. It was both extremely vulnerable and incredibly empowering.

When they reach the station, their Nova Hyperion is already whirring with power. The metal monstrosity looms over them, standing at 250 feet tall, and the core is radiating a bright orange light that bounces off the bulletproof window in front of them. The sight never fails to send a rush of adrenaline through their veins, like an electric current shooting up their spine to kick them into gear. Seungkwan inhales, an incredulous chuckle escaping him at the thought of two tiny humans making the giant robot move with their minds. Every time he's about to board the Jaeger, the idea seems all the more ridiculous to him.

"What are we up against this time?" Vernon asks as he walks up to the control booth where Xu Minghao is fervently pressing button after button. His eyes are glued to the radar in front of him, a red blip appearing in and out of vision. "Category 4. There's only one but it's going to give you a run for your money," he notes, pushing his glasses up the bridge of his nose with a slender finger. "Wonwoo thinks there may be more on the way," he continues and nods in the direction of a man bent over a map, racking his hand through his already messy hair.

"I could be wrong," Wonwoo states as Seungkwan approaches the table, "but I rarely am, so we're dropping off three additional Jaegers to back you up."

"Three?" Seungkwan is almost insulted at the lack of faith their team seems to have in them. Wonwoo gives him a look.

"Don't get cocky. Cocky gets you killed." 

Seungkwan repays the warning with a fake smile and a repeated nod. "Better safe than dead, I guess," he says, mimicking Wonwoo's cautionary tone. The elder doesn't smile back. 

"The Swedes will back you up," he continues as if Seungkwan never spoke, "and so will the Silva sisters, and Trohman and Barker." Vernon crinkles his nose at the latter, wanting to comment but swallowing his words as he notices Wonwoo glaring at him across the table. 

Minghao comes up behind his superior and kneads at his tensed shoulders. "Relax, they've got this," he states, half reassuring Wonwoo but mostly himself. Minghao is great at putting up a cool front, even with his heart hammering against his chest in an uneven rhythm - which he feels kind of stupid for because it's not like he's the one putting his life on the line - but he'd be lying if he said every moment Seungkwan and Vernon boarded that Jaeger didn't fill him with dread, not knowing if his colleague's (his friends) would make it out alive. 

"Yeah, we got this!" Seungkwan beams, his fingers curling into a fist in front of his chest. "We've got home turf advantage, a little South Korean magic in the air to lift our spirits." 

"You'll be fighting in water," Wonwoo feebly reminds him but straightens his back nonetheless, swiping the table to pull up the now holographic map being projected into thin air. "We'll drop you here," he points, 30 miles off the shore of Busan. "Not ideal since it's still too close to the city to my liking but I don't want to expose you to too much water pressure." 

Seungkwan nods as Vernon approaches the table, pulling on his gloves. "Does it have a name?" 

Minghao blinks, taking a moment before realising Vernon meant the Kaiju. He purses his lips, thinking fast. "Stentax," he decides, remembering that Vernon likes to put a name to his opponent. It ups the stakes for him, making it more personal. As if defending his home country wasn't incentive enough to obliterate it.

"Great. Are you ready?" 

Seungkwan tears his eyes away from the map and realises Vernon's addressing him. "Uh, yeah," he says, glancing at Minghao who's positioned himself back behind the controller. A second red blip appears on the radar, moving unsteady but fast—just like Wonwoo predicted. 

He can hear his blood rushing in his ears, faintly registering Minghao confirming The Breach has spewed a second Kaiju— a category 3 this time. Seungkwan locks his jaw, his features hard under the orange glow of his Jaeger's core. 

"Ready as ever." 

At this, Vernon smirks. "Let's go." 

crossposted on AO3

[tumblezwei]

Like, I think you are free to not like Catradora and have your own opinion about their relationship, but I'm very curious about what you think makes them so toxic. Like, I also think the redemption arc was kinda rushed and if they've planed to do it from the start they should have Catra starting to doubt her goals from like season 4... But I do think Adora and Catra have character besides each other, they have a clear personality from the start and they complement each other very well

Toxic may be too strong a word, but I think the two just aren’t compatible with each other for a lot of reasons. 

On Adora’s end, her obsession with Catra was always portrayed as unhealthy. It made her lose sleep, it made her paranoid, it had her assuming the worst of any situation because what if Catra is already here or has some plan we don’t know about??? Guys we have to take this seriously or Catra’s going to win. This was at it’s worst in season 2, and they hadn’t had a single friendly meeting since season 1, ya know, when Catra tried to kill Adora which set off Adora’s paranoia. Like sometimes Catra wasn’t even behind the shit Adora was so worried about, but she acted like she was anyways because her paranoia was that bad. To me, that’s not something that can pave a way to a healthy relationship. 

Not to mention how, again, season 3 cemented the idea that Catra fucked up so bad and for too long for Adora to forgive. Catra chose her path, and Adora decided then and there to let her walk it. In my eyes, backtracking that development and making CA canon anyways just undermines that moment and sends mixed messages to the audience. Especially the child demographic this show is targeted toward. 

On Catra’s end, I just don’t think Adora ever really got why Catra was so angry at her in the first place. Adora’s emotional abuse at the hands of Shadow Weaver should absolutely not be downplayed, but I don’t think Adora was ever able to understand how ostracized and alone Catra felt when Adora was getting special treatment and Catra was treated like a pet that was only kept around for Adora. It’s not that their abuse should be compared, but I feel that there was a huge disconnect in how Adora saw her time in the Fright Zone, and how Catra saw her’s. And because of this, the two never really felt like they were ever on the same wavelength. Catra trying to explain to Adora why it didn’t matter to her that the Horde was evil, or her jealousy at Adora living a better life away from her, felt like Catra was just talking to a brick wall. Their relationship has always operated on this series of misunderstandings and trauma that never really get addressed or resolved. So the idea that they get together after one season of development from Catra where she says sorry and cuts her hair just doesn’t vibe with me. 

They absolutely have characters outside of one another, and I liked their dynamic in the beginning because they worked well as foils, but the fact that those characters were railroaded, in my opinion, to put them in this romantic relationship that I just can’t justify to myself, makes me believe that it’s not an earned relationship at all. 

[corpo-rat]

concept: post-game V waiting to hear Johnny's take on the latest bullshit in Night City, but there's only silence and then they remember why.

and even surrounded by friends and chosen family, they've never felt quite so alone.

ANON YOU AND I ARE ON THE SAME WAVELENGTH...

ive literally been thinking about this since i finished the game, like.. they were connected on an INSANE level thats hard to even understand!!! no matter where they were or what they went through johnny was ALWAYS there!! they experienced each others memories first hand, v was BECOMING johnny and johnny was experiencing everything v went through. how do you have a bond like that and then recover from suddenly losing it???? especially if v becomes friends with johnny, and then johnny “dies” solely to give v back the small amount of their life they had left to live???? i dont know about you but i dont think i would be able to handle it

the ending i originally got was the sun ending, and you will pry the headcanon that velvet throws herself so far into her work and ignores all the personal relationships she formed because she literally just... feels incomplete and guilty. she feels like johnny took a piece of her with him, and it destroys her. luckily im not having that as her canon ending 😭