#things i need to bring up to my therapist: | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

hypnowave · 2 years

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making proportional, neatly lined, colored and shaded art pieces of my original characters is not enough i need to vomit brightly colored paint all over cheap art store canvasses & make 7 billion wonky clay pots that will explode in the kiln & weave ropes into intricate macrame textiles just to set them on fire & sew together unsightly clothing articles of clashing patterns and textures & make handmade recycled paper & build wooden plane miniatures while trying not to choke on wood chips

#jun.log #things i need to bring up to my therapist:#hi i need to create because i can't just have my feelings burst out of my ribcage like the chestburster in Alien (1979)#if anyone's reading this: Hello. i hate being perceived. i also hate my art being perceived by people unless i deliberately show them.#i'm this close to deleting my art blog and nuking my toyhou.se account #i hate having my work out in the open because it makes me feel as though others expect consistency from me in terms of style and quality #and it makes me feel paralyzed and terrified of ever creating again #i haven't felt genuine fulfillment in finished art in so long #the art i do in the meantime is a panacea but at the same time it is not enough. it does not grant me the happiness i need to heal #i wish i never showed people my art i wish i never told people i was an artist #i want to drop off the face of the earth in the hopes that maybe i can find joy in tying together flower stems or painting a night sky #as much as i love external validation i feel afraid that even my most loved ones will secretly hate me if my art devolves #i am not allowed to regress or make mistakes because in the past that has been used to hurt me . it has been weaponized against me #anyways. wow this is embarrassing #sorry. ill be normal tomorrow

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stuckinapril · 6 months

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The whole “be responsible not for other people’s feelings but to them” distinction is so so true… at some point you need to realize that other people’s insecurities really are their responsibility & dimming or contorting yourself to make them feel better helps neither you nor them. Firstly, bc they need to realize what they’re doing and grow up. And secondly, bc you’re not just compromising on a one-time thing. You’re comprising on who you are as a person. I don’t want to look back when I’m older and stay stuck wishing I held my ground despite people’s projections or asserted my presence more or didn’t apologize so much for who I am. I really just want to own everything (the good and bad) & continue doing what makes me happy

#This is something to bring up to the therapist for sure bc im not perfect on this yet #and i think that’s also another thing im learning to be less hard on myself for — just realizing im 21 and that having insecurities or weak #Spots still is literally okay. Making mistakes is okay. I beat myself up for this too much #I am not a horrible person for being young & learning how to live & no one will make me feel otherwise #This goes in the other direction too in the sense that I need to stop being apologetic of my accomplishments for fear of #Triggering other people’s insecurities. That is not and nor will it ever be my responsibility #I’m always going to be graceful w other people’s emotions but I’m no longer going to overcompensate bc it helps no one #And is not a marker of love for me to do so

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thatorangedrank · 1 year

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Little is Alyx 👎🏻

Little is Penny 👎🏻

Little is a reflection of Ruby in Vol.1 and is a physical representation of “healing your inner child” 👍🏻👍🏻👍🏻👍🏻👍🏻👍🏻👍🏻👍🏻👍🏻👍🏻👍🏻👍🏻👍🏻👍🏻👍🏻👍🏻👍🏻👍🏻👍🏻👍🏻👍🏻

#like seriously Little reminds me more of Ruby than Ruby herself right now #I relate to Ruby so much in just needing to be ok for everyone all the time for things to be stable #when WBY is talking about how they bring her up by saying ‘we count on you’ and ‘you can do it’ and that’s basically what I heard growin up #my therapist once told me that you have to be the friend and caretaker for that little girl who always had to be ok #that she is still inside of my heart and that I’m the only one who can be there for her now #and something about… making sure my inner child feels safe reminds me so much of Ruby’s relationship with Little #also Little’s mannerisms are just … so v.1 Ruby it’s just uncanny #’I want to help even though I may not know how’#that’s blind Ruby optimism if I’ve ever seen it #rwby #rwby spoilers #rwby9 #rwby volume 9 #rwby ruby rose #rwby v9 #rwby volume 9 spoilers #rwby theory #ruby rose

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charliespringverse · 16 days

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i think it should be possible to scream without making any noise or disturbing anyone or inviting any questions . just sometimes . as a treat .

#hhhhHHHGHGHHHHHH #jay screams into the void #(deeply personal rant incoming feel free to ignore)#a friend of mine has just been undiagnosed with bpd which . lovely for them but it sure as fuck invites a Lot of questions #suddenly a great deal of previous shitty behaviour that was excused on the basis of bpd has a lot more to answer for #(obligatory I Know BPD Isn't An Excuse To Treat People Like Shit . im aware . i have bpd myself and i have v high standards re my behaviour)#(however allowances were made bc they were unmedicated & out of therapy through no fault of their own)#(and our whole group has enough experience with untreated mental illness to understand that it can make u a bitch sometimes)#but yeah no there have been a LOT of instances of b&w thinking + manipulation + unfair judgement + high emotion + snap reactions #and every situation Could be explained by untreated bpd and the bad times have never been prolonged or often enough to outweigh the good #but Hoo Boy if that wasn't bpd then what the FUCK was it #like either the new psychiatrist is wrong (possible but i seem to be the only one questioning it) or they're just Like That #and again . not enough to outweigh their numerous positive and loveable traits #but the whole group has been destabilised on a number of occasions due to their actions during a bad spell #and i'm really not sure Any Other Explanation is enough to justify that #ah well . this seems like the kind of thing that will eventually come up during a sleepover heart to heart #but rn i'm stuck in a bubble of MAJOR rsd & brainfuck abt it . which is unfortunate bc now is exactly the time i Don't need brainfuck #anyways ✨ goodnight tumblrinas i am . kind of hoping nobody read this bc i fear i sound like a bitch #i am genuinely happy for their undiagnosis it seems to have put many things into perspective for them & theyre v happy about it #i'm just . uncomfy w some aspects of it that i have only been halfway brave enough to discuss with them personally #That's One To Bring Up With My Therapist In A Few Weeks #Bit Of A Shame I'm No Longer In Therapy And Now Have Only 2 Quarterly Reviews Left Before I'm Discharged From The Service

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thotsfortherapy · 6 months

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having mommy issues be like I hate that you know me I hate that we’re related I hate that you birthed me I hate that you don’t know how to love me properly I hate that you can’t see how much you hurt me I hate that I’m expected to love you

#cy says stuff #I moved out when I was 17 for a reason #but I do still go back to visit when schools out sometimes and I regret it every single time #every time we talk I’m like damn is it time to call it quits because this is not it #I literally feel like I’m constantly on the brink of being disowned or kicked out of the house when I’m there #but it’s also for things like. bringing a single bottle of wine to a Christmas party that I did not even drink #or like. moving in with my partner of 4 years. because we are going to the 2nd most expensive city in Canada and girl I cannot pay the rent #or being upset when she reads my diary ?? or reads my credit card statements without permission and also just like behind my back??#like do you think I’m not going to find out when you bring up information you only would’ve known if you had read those things #I can put two and two together…#also I’m literally almost done my university degree. i am fully an adult. these should not be issues !#ahhhhh!!!#anyways I will speak to my therapist about this lol #also y’all my friends are always like oh I love my mom and it just seems to be a socially accepted thing that you should love your mom #but what if your mom sucks what then #I genuinely cannot relate to them I’m like literally what does that feel like #the first time I felt loved was when I was 15 lol there is 0 love in my family #anyways !#it’s okay I am out of it and I have been out of it #just #always on the brink of cutting her off forever lol #some ppl just never change as much as you want them to and that is tough to accept.#it is also harder because society is telling my that I need to stay loyal to my family cause they’re blood #but if this were anyone else I would’ve blocked them so long ago 😭

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sherlock-is-ace · 5 months

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#oh wow...#i just had an oh shit fuck moment #wow #i usually complain about the one therapist i had in my entire life and how she wouldn't just listen to what i was saying #if it didn't fit her textbook definition of whatever she was thinking at the time #and how i talked to her about my anxiety and how that made me feel and she would only focus on how i acted #so the example i gave her was the one time i went into a shop to buy something by myself #because my mom didn't want to go in for me and arguing with my mom in front of the shop in public and then inevitably have to #go in myself either way was way worse to me #because of the embarrassement of arguing in public. the fact that my mom was gonna spend the entire walk home telling me how i have to #''just suck it up and learn and just overcome my anxiety because i don't have a problem'' or whatever #and then having to go into the shop where the lady had been watching me from inside the entire time how i clearly didn't want to go in #and possibly be even more awkward with teary eyes because of the anxiety and awkwardness i already bring to the table any day...#all of those things that were going inside my head were trumped by the fact that i did go in and did buy what i needed #although my heart was coming out of my chest the entire time... all that didn't matter to my therapist because in her words:#''if you had anxiety. you simply wouldn't have gone in''#which is ridiculous #but anyways... i just had an epiphany... that was masking wasn't it?#forcing myself to do something that brings me major discomfort to make my mother and the shop lady not judge me?#pretend i'm a normal human being just doing normal things instead of someone who's about to have a heart attack buying embroidery thread?#panicking the entire time because i wasn't prepeared and hadn't scripted the entire transaction in my head?#yet still going in and putting on my ''normal person'' mask to try to seem like i wasn't just dying seconds ago (and still was)?#isn't that literally what masking is?!#and the ''autism specialist'' ass therapist was like ''if you did it then you don't have a problem''#when i'm literally telling her how much of a problem it actually WAS?!#you know what's the best part about all this #that when i told my mom after i left that therapist that she didn't listen to me because [insert everything above]#my mom's response was ''well sometimes therapist will say things that you don't want to hear but you have to accept them''....#same woman who's always saying how much she hates therapists because they ''will say whatever and pretend they know shit''#ok so it's only The Truth when I tell you it isn't...

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milo-is-rambling · 5 months

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I can’t even imagine living without anxiety. Like. How. What?

#I mean if I woke up tomorrow with a normal amount of anxiety it would be a shocking difference to my daily life. and I am medicated!!! like.#what? am I missing something here?#my mom tells me that meds can only do so much and that they’re really just meant to make it so you can get out of bed every day #but now I’m wondering like is that true or is that my mom is on the wrong dose herself and something could be done to help us both #gahhhhh idk I just feel helpless bc I’m scared of making big changes and the big changes have to make are scary and large and I need a #bulleted list made of things I can do (and break down into very small steps) to actually progress in a positive way in my life instead of #being SO afraid and SO stagnant. it’s been six months since (ptsd diagnosis causing thing) and I don’t feel like I’ve made any progress even #with a therapist. I’m working towards a more intensive program but I feel like it’s almost making me feel more alienated bc I’d have to like #go be surrounded by other mentally ill people and medical people which brings dad dying trauma and like I know I’m running from it bc I’m #afraid to face the changes I need to make and the feelings that are going to come up but fuck man can’t I get some fucking meds that make #this easier to deal with!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! grief and ptsd and long term isolation and anxiety and chronic pain like fuck it’s #so exhausting!!!! I feel like I’m fucking fighting thru life and then from the outside it’s like I’m doing nothing cause I stay in my room #and get stoned and play animal crossing and watch tv and cry and over eat and sometimes I drive around in circles so I can scream sing until #my throat burns and I get a headache and everything finally quiets down in my head for a second. I know I look like I’m doing nothing and #that’s because I am doing nothing but waiting for the next time a mental health professional will talk to me for an hour like it’s so sad #anyways. you ever take a big dab and then start crying and type all of this like it’s an epiphany even tho it’s things you already know.#honestly crying in front of the air conditioner is so slay slight breeze over my face cooling the tears the white noise calming me down

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naranjapetrificada · 1 year

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My therapist, ready to do regular therapy again after a couple of sessions where I didn't talk about the gay pirates: "so last time we didn't get to finish talking about feeling aimless about--"

Me: "Have you watched Good Omens?"

#it doesn't feel as intense as the “OFMD has rewired my brain” from before #but there are therapeutically interesting topics that keep coming up #like I read that one incredible fic where Crowley goes to trauma therapy #or how many fics I see with Crowley and/or Aziraphale tagged as aromantic #but then their behavior not reflecting my previous understanding of that word #which leads to not-so-hypothetical questions about my relationship with that word #and also just the autistic distress of categories shifting #and how I might need to learn to DBT my way through it #good omens #arospec #aromantic #go ahead and grieve yourself #therapist: 1 me: 0 #things to bring up in therapy #blorbo therapy

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actual-changeling · 6 months

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fun fact my therapist knows me better than anyone else on this planet probably and she knows i'm a lesbian. however. i kinda uh... missed my window to come out as trans and now it's been like a year and a half and i feel like bringing it up would just be awkward.

mostly because i have no idea how to do it since i don't think i've ever had to like. properly 'come out' to anyone. usually i just tell people my name and they use it for me without asking why my government name is different lol

#alex yells at the void #if i go to the queer centre today i might use that as an entry to tell her????#like oh look anna i socialized. what it was about? ohhhh well. do you know what a trans person is?#and then i will point at myself and she will not ask any questions whatsoever (never gonna happen. she is curious and also my therapist)#i should also bring up the aro thing at some point #anna needs to get a queer community manual jskdh

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micromime · 1 year

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What category of mental illness is this

#wes dst #wes #dst #wes ds #wes dont stave #uh #top ten things i need to bring up to my therapist #uh anyways #my art #look at my art nowie #how many of my mutual think im insane (serious answers only)#anyways #i draw him (real life)#i just draw these in my free time and remember that I can force people to look at it #singlehandedly populating 80% of the latest wes tag #AHHAHAHA

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thenotsolittlelady · 10 months

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How do I get things done?

How do I not get stressed about one thing I have to do and have it keep me from accomplishing anything else? How do I manage to buy groceries and take my cat to the vet and still sit down to draw? How do other artists do studies, finish personal work and other projects, cramp in appointments, chores, handle social media and keep in touch with friends without feeling absolutely stressed out...? I can't figure it out. I can only do one of these things in a day and... I don't get it. What is your secret

#wondering what is wrong with me #I've tried making lists #making a schedule #it's not helping #I'll have breakfast and suddenly it's 11 am and I have take a walk and also shower at some point and of course my livestream starts at 9pm #and don't forget to eat and text your friends and there's a letter you gotta send and this email needs a response #oh you wanted to draw or write? sorry day's over get some sleep we'll try again tomorrow #only that it'll be the exact same thing tomorrow #and if I'm real lucky I'll be in a bad mood and manage to accomplish even less than usual #and did I mention I'm not even working?#other people can do it so why. am. I. so. bad. at. this??#something to bring up with my therapist I suppose

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supercantaloupe · 3 months

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my roommate always talks back to me with the thickest therapy speak you've ever seen and it's pisses me off so much

#i wanna talk about me #i asked if she could change the way she sets her alarm in the morning bc it goes off for so fucking long every time #waking me up but not her #and shes like Well im just a heavy sleeper and ive tried other things that dont work so sorry no.#and i suggested well maybe you could bring it up to a doctor or therapist since they might have other suggestions #and she was like That seems excessive. Im just a heavy sleeper like the rest of my family.#Sorry you have a problem with it but i need it so deal with it #like. jesus christ girl #therapy isn't for giving you language to sound more elegant when you refuse to change it's about learning how to deal with changing.

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canislupusangelus · 8 days

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Not to self diagnose but I meet all the DSM-5 criteria.

#i am not self diagnosing. just figuring out what the possibilities are and what i need to bring up to adress with my therapist/doctors #idek what else to tag for this.#mental illness #i meet more than the required criteria for this thing. aka ALL of the criteria. so uh. i need to actually tell my therapist ig.

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shiningneedlecastle · 15 days

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So like. Maybe it's an ironic joking thing, but sometimes the tags on your posts/reblogs make me feel concerned, so like. Are you doing ok? Do you wanna talk about it?

yeah it's not really ironic joking, not gonna lie i'm doing quite badly irl what with how badly the american education system is structured (especially medical education and how particularly hellish it can get). i don't wanna burden you with the sheer weight of all this horrible shit and i don't spend much time on here anymore. but thank you for the offer though, sincerely

#i need a therapist considerably but my parents are extremely against it and get angry to the point of yelling if i even try to bring it up #i think it's a cultural thing. seen as a sign of weakness and not being a 'good child'#the only reason i need to even care about that is because med school costs some $60k a year and they're directly controlling my funds.#the only thing i can use freely is the limited amount of hard cash i have since they have control over my credit card and see very purchase #i'm not making any money as a med student and we don't have any time to take on a job #i still have 2 years to go until my wages become maybe like $15 an hour as a resident physician.#the one parenting-related thing my parents can do correctly is use money on me. it's all that's standing between me and ridiculous debt #without that i'm sunk and potentially homeless (and many years of crazy amounts of studying become functionally useless)#fun and cool abusive and overly-controlling chinese parent-child dynamics #borne of generational trauma forced upon the new gen by the last gen. and that theme happens a lot in med education too. funny that.#i bet it all sounds so stupid but that's how it is.

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chemblrish · 11 months

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#ngl my mental health has been garbage lately #can the ex overachiever ever know peace?#im starting to think the answer is no #years of therapy and nothing has changed #this whole thing is so painful to me the only way i can bring it up irl is through jokes #i don't live in the us we don't have this gifted program stuff here #but i was so brilliant so excellent absolutely perfect #being mediocre now is like having my heart ripped out of my chest every single day #watching people do better than me has me on the verge of losing my mind #i know it has to sound whiny and ridiculous to people who never experienced this #but success was all i ever had #successful was all i ever was #and now i have nothing and i am no one #years of being used by teachers only to end up spat out by the education system #all this pain for nothing #my therapist used to say im quite literally grieving #how long is this supposed to last?#how long until i stop feeling so worthless and miserable?#im so sick of being like this but nothing ever changes #ill probably delete this later but i needed to vent first

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quff · 3 months

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I need to be told "these things happen" I need to be told "it's okay" I need to be told "you didn't do it intentionally" or "I've done the same thing too" or "it happens to all of us" or "mistakes happen" or fucking anything helpful after I make a small mistake.

I need to be reassured after I make a mistake so I know I'm not evil or that you don't hate me. Please. I need this so badly. I can't stress this enough.

My parents made me feel like the most horrible piece of shit ever whenever I made a mistake. They beat me raw regardless of if I said sorry or not. This has warped my brain and now I immediately think I'm evil whenever I fuck up. I can't even try many new things because they Pavlov'ed me into perfectionism. I'm fighting for my life here, trying my best to stop feeling this way. I can't do this alone.

#the people who owned be prior also inadvertently made it impossible for me to comfortably try new things #so im also trying to break free from that too #i had to teach myself how to be a person #and i cant even do that right #im unhealthily with my own trauma and definitely need intervention but no therapist is good enough #I've met many therapists throughout my life and most of them bring up “sheldon” whenever i even mention autism being part of the equation #irl

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