#thinking of you coven system!!!! <3 <3

[sporesgalaxy]

the thing is that owl house is not structured great for drawing in cynical adult viewers but it is structured very well to teach kids to question authority and how things are presented to them at first glance and I kind of love that tee hee

[catboymoments]

for your inverted fate au

what is this version of Camila like and how would her story in escaping expulsion, reaching out, and clouds on the horizon play out

OKAG SO. CAMILA AND HER VIBES.

I cannot stress enough that even though she’s technically in the role of both Odalia and Alador she’s literally just canon toh Camila but a witch. She’s a great mom but she struggled growing up in the coven ruled system and doesn’t want her smart and talented and silly daughter to struggle too, especially after She lost her husband and Luz’s dad. So she makes some decisions that aren’t the best but are well meaning and made out of fear rather than as a punishment or a means of control, MUCH like sending Luz to camp in the show. (More below the cut)

In escaping expulsion I’m thinking that she has a meeting with the principal and the gang (I’m considering switching Bump with the three eyed :3 mouth monster lady but she doesn’t have a name) and is like “Luz, I love your creativity, but all the trouble that you keep getting into isn’t okay.” and she’s worried about these kids she’s hanging out with!! However they just get suspended instead of expelled. But I’m thinking that amity’s headstrong dramatic ass would go to the Noceda house and be like “MRS NOCEDA. ILL STRIKE A DEAL WITH YOU AND PROVE THAT WE ARE IN FACT GOOD FOR LUZ AND ILL HELP WITH YOUR BEASTKEEPING JOB TO DO IT!!! Luz is a sweet girl and this isn’t fair!!!” And Camila is already like “oh this girl is so nice to do this maybe I misjudged her and her friends, I should-” in her head but Amity goes and does stuff anyway before she can respond and shenanigans ensue LOL but it ends really well

I’m not sure about reaching out quite yet but I know that COTH would be like. Nixing everything about Odalia’s bullshit and be Camila being a badass mom against the throne (the mats)

[songofthenightingale19]

I don’t know if anyone's mentioned this before, but Raine's titan badge after the time skip looks a bit different than the others:

They have this red piece of cloth attached to their badge that I haven't seen on anybody else.

Now, theorising time: I think they might be part of the new government, maybe even the president of the Boiling Isles. Hear me out, I have good reasons to believe so (and it's not just because they're my favourite character and I'm biased, shush):

1) As the former head of the Bard Coven, they'd certainly be qualified for the job: Raine has been part of the government before (as much as you can be when you're not the monarch in a monarchy lol) and knows how to lead.

2) They're probably more respected/trusted by the population of the Boiling Isles than most other public figures at this point - working together with the wannabe genocidal former emperor tends to ruin your reputation, so someone who led a rebellion against Belos (and fought against him personally in the final fight, though the question is if anyone except the people who were there knows about that) and has ties to other known rebels aka Eda should be quite well-liked.

3) They have already proven that they're able to make sacrifices for the sake of the whole Isles (for example: risking their own life and that of the woman they love to stop the Day of Unity in Eda's Requiem). Most of the other characters, like Eda and Luz, in comparison, have proven again and again that they would never be able to sacrifice someone they care about - which is an admirable trait, don't get me wrong, but you want a political leader to be able to consider what choices are best for everyone and compromise, if necessary.

4) It would be a great conclusion to their character arc: Raine spent half of their life trying to destroy the coven system from the inside and has witnessed its worst sides first-hand, let them be the one to build something new and better for the future of the Boiling Isled.

So in conclusion: Raine has the potential to be a great president....... as long as nobody forces them to make public speeches regularly.

Them being a member of the government would also explain why they are present when that coven sigil was removed: Why would someone who specialises in Bard magic be needed for something that seems to be based on Healing and Abomination magic? Because they're a representative of the government/the Boiling Isles!

Also...........

Give me power couple Raeda as president of the Boiling Isles and Headmistress of the University of Wild Magic!!

[probablyhuntersmom]

Hunter's Experiences After Belos's Death

Oops, this got long. Aw well, it was really fun to write.

Special thanks to @ashanimus!

This is speculative at the end of the day, but since:

1. This is my fave animated show of all time

2. I grew up with Complex PTSD (CPTSD) like Hunter

3. I work as a therapist,

I thought to list down some things I can visualize happening in the duration of the finale's timeskip, before that beautiful epilogue we saw. And I want to dive in using whatever clues, leads and parallels I can find in canon: to analyze and see how he went from the Bad But Sad Boy to that peaceful-looking palisman carver in the epilogue.

A small reference I had for this meta is Cinema Therapy's episode on the Hunger Games movies (link), since the protagonist, Katniss Everdeen, from the book and also movie trilogy would have the same diagnosis as Hunter. Those books and movies explored how Katniss coped with the frightening and dramatically different landscape that was the calmness of her world post-victory.

Part 1: His Possible Experiences Leading Up to Seeking a Therapist

His disposition could possibly become like Luz's from early Season 3: a state of emotionally shutting down and numbing out. He appeared to nearly head in this direction right after he was revived by Flapjack, as he began to cry. There was that small window where he could have expressed more tears than he did, and have his body shut down under the weight of bereavement.

But the immediate physical threat, Belos, was still on the run. He got up, sprang into action and didn't catch a break from the time he followed Belos through the portal until he stood in The Collector's palace after Belos died (had he even received the news of his 'Uncle' dying yet??!).

Now that Belos isn't around anymore, the Isles will have a completely different feel and rebuilding the land would've taken grueling work after the dismantling of a damaging Coven System.

I was looking at Luz's behavior and gestures in Thanks to Them, which were indicative of her sinking into depression after 1. the horrible revelation in Hollow Mind that she unintentionally helped Philip. 2. witnessing Flapjack's death. I'm putting screenshots of her below in parallel with Hunter's own emotions in For the Future:

They have different mental health conditions if you talk symptoms, e.g. Luz doesn't show signs of CPTSD hypervigilance, while Hunter doesn't have that slowing down in his physical and mental activity which points to depression. But both have suffered from moral injury thanks to Belos's violence and manipulation.

However, a major comparison is that Hunter has had much more repressed emotion over a long period compared to Luz. The column with Hunter screencaps above, is what he may feel with a much higher intensity in the weeks and months after he first hears that his abuser has passed on.

Shown below, the few seconds of Hunter's big smile drooping when it was all over, was a big hint for me:

A hint that there is a deep undercurrent of emotions he'd much rather not feel, that he'd probably rather hide from himself. Even while smiling, we know how his heart-wrenching story has played out and the light in his eyes here doesn't match the brightness we see in his expressions in the epilogue, post-timeskip.

That is the face of a kid who has not cried out massive amounts of tears yet. He doesn't look like he's carrying a light load yet, compared to what we see in his future self. And it's certainly a heavier smile than the jollier one he makes here right after King's Tide when Flapjack was still around:

I can't imagine the amount of grief that his body has yet to dredge up and release, once he finally doesn't have to worry about his 'uncle' threatening his life anymore. Too many times to count, I've been in the situation where I cry intensely after being retraumatized and think "Huh? More tears? Where did it come from?? I thought I had cried it all out from my whole being the last time!". It kind of convinced me that anyone with CPTSD has so much grief stored up in their body that the number of times needed to have a good cry feels like a really endless expanse.

However: because I had 7 years of being in and out of therapy, what matters is that the durations between these episodes of mine, the durations of the episodes themselves, plus their intensity have reduced a lot. It was around a 4-year timeskip in the finale, so for Hunter to get as far as he did to heal, his own therapy sessions would've probably been rigorous and very consistent.

Anyway, he might now cycle through his own version of what Luz cycled through when she gradually shuts down from failing to build a new portal door in Thanks to Them, continually believes she's as bad as Belos, and when she alludes to her suicidal ideation in the classroom:

whereby there is a likely parallel between Luz wrestling with guilt from her own moral injury, and Hunter's own guilt from what he wished he could've done to prevent being possessed, to prevent Flapjack from dying. Both their situations are that of moral injuries.

The adrenaline rush would be over for everyone on the Isles.

I'm quite sure the therapists on the Isles will operate pretty soon after the news about Belos's death was out. They would conduct whatever version of mental health triage they have, that involves risk assessments and crisis counselling. Both of these based on what I've learnt are shorter in duration (30 minutes) and are one-off sessions, compared to regular talk therapy which is an hour minimum.

The therapists would be redirecting people to necessary resources e.g. where to find food or loved ones, and managing distress only related to people's immediate needs instead of forming a longer term plan for several weekly sessions.

I believe things are simpler when you are running away from an external threat, like the two Hunter scenarios below. In Hollow Mind there is no emotion on his face because in peak C-PTSD mode he has shut down his emotions to pour that energy into escaping Belos. In Thanks to Them, he appears quite obviously scared with widened eyes because he got comfortable with safety for months and Belos's return was a surprise attack (thanks ashanimus for pointing out to me how his expressions are animated!):

But what is there to run from now? Not an external threat for sure. The war zone is now the one in his mind, heart and soul and it would become front and center. I believe both these screenshots are two notches on a dial, and the missing third image - which would show him finding it difficult to stuff down the grief any longer, might look like a more exasperated version of when he told Willow "Please don't call yourself [a Half-a-Witch] ever again" in For the Future, and eventually a more depressed version of his vanishing smile in The Collector's Palace.

When can he really run from himself? Only while asleep, if he's spared nightmares on any given night, or while distracting himself with the main mission of rebuilding the Isles or continuing to bond with his friends and other people.

His anger in For the Future was a telling sign for me that he made sure his focus was still on an external threat: he still had the opportunity to do so back then, because Belos was still alive. But when we see him in The Collector's palace sending Willow off to her dads, there has realistically been a shift in what will threaten the more fragile shreds of inner peace he's still clinging on to. There are those scary trauma-related emotions to worry about, which wouldn't have just evaporated into thin air. They would be looking for a new outlet, and they'll find their way into flashbacks, nightmares, tension still stored in the body, an exaggerated startle response, etc.

We have seen a range of reactions he has to danger, triggers and emotional pain: some involve moving his body more, and fewer involve a short of shutting down:

Flinching during Belos's tantrums, being able to fight Kikimora calmly, freezing up in the throne room (Hunting Palismen)

Suicidal ideation and even a sort of suicide plan (Eclipse Lake)

Freezing up and expecting punishment from Darius (Any Sport in a Storm)

Being able to stay almost entirely calm as he learnt more and more of the truth about Belos, though his hand was shaking briefly, then a panic attack later on (Hollow Mind)

Lots of avoidance symptoms like numbing, combined with hypervigilance e.g. shivering and another panic attack (Labyrinth Runners)

Feeling fear with underlying shame and subconsciously expecting punishment, when he failed to save Luz (Clouds on the Horizon)

Freezing and recoiling, though he fought against this by asserting a boundary with Belos (King's Tide)

Panic attack when looking into the mirror and having an emotional flashback, hypervigilance e.g. stamping his foot and shivering (Thanks to Them)

Anger and rage to cope with bereavement, later being tearful (For the Future)

Most likely a sense of bereavement, deep exhaustion and possibly loneliness, during that briefly shown moment in The Collector's Palace (Watching and Dreaming)

The serious work he has to put in to heal from his trauma would begin once his whole body gives in to the exhaustion, catching up with the bereavement-related emotions that have also begun to settle in. It could be a massive emotional and physical collapse that he can't fight off, where his physical energy levels become tanked seemingly out of nowhere. And I think it would look like a worse version of him lying in his makeshift grave, where he is barely able to move around the house or anywhere for some time.

This happened to Katniss in the Hunger Games trilogy, and while the portrayal was done differently in the books and movies, both were good explorations of what it's like to shift from the default high alert (and long-term) mode of CPTSD to coping with the scary unknown world of newfound safety. Katniss spent her childhood in poverty and being constantly on edge that she might be chosen for the Hunger Games, being parentified, to provide for her family.

While participating in the games, she had to utilize battle skills and kill others to survive and sustained many injuries, still constantly on high alert whereby any respite would last for incredibly short durations. Towards the end of the story, after she loses the one she loved most (her sister Prim, who I think can be a parallel of Flapjack in this meta), Katniss shifts from peak physical activity into mostly sleeping and being actively suicidal for months, hardly moving and not leaving the house, until the shock of traumatic grief began to wear off. She absolutely crashed and went from one extreme to the other. In the movie Mockingjay Part 2, they added a non-book scene where her grief comes out in an outburst when she sees their pet cat hanging around on the kitchen counter. She flings an object in the cat's direction, then screams "[Prim] is gone!!" repeatedly before collapsing into heavy sobs, picking up the cat and holding it to her chest to soothe herself.

This kind of major collapse might happen very soon to Hunter after he leaves The Collector's Palace or only after some weeks. The timing of this, I can't predict. The reason why he didn't appear to have this issue in the early months being in the human realm is because there was still something external to concentrate on: help his friends get back to the Human Realm, help Luz reunite with Eda and King, while him and Flapjack hoped to go home too.

You could argue that even now, he still has something external to focus on i.e. helping the others rebuild the Isles. However I keep imagining that the people who love him are going to be quite adamant in getting him, Luz and the other kids to please rest. Since we saw Steve recommend his therapist to Lilith in O Titan Where Art Thou, I can picture the adults in particular monitoring how Hunter is doing without Flapjack.

But if this collapse I'm speculating about doesn't happen so soon, he would be pouring himself into helping others, referencing his character-centric line all the way back in Hunting Palismen about wanting to offer help, which he utters twice in that episode. There is an overlap between this expectation he has of himself and the old habit he's at risk of falling back into periodically: overworking.

Once his desire to help others is clearly comes across as an avoidance tactic on the outside - a maladaptive coping mechanism to run from the very difficult emotions that he should be processing - people around him are definitely going to set boundaries and say "No" to any attempts he makes to assist them. Someone is probably going to tell him that whatever desperation he is showing in wanting to help other people, needs to be redirected at himself. Making time and space for himself, taking time off to rest.

Him suffering from a major emotional and physical collapse is pretty likely because things are more complicated (though, physically much much safer) for him now than at the beginning of Thanks to Them when he had just fled from Belos to the human realm, and had Flapjack as his closest company. Fast forward to the victory won in Watching and Dreaming: both Flapjack and Belos are gone now.

It's telling that different thoughts are occupying Hunter's mind now, from how his expressions are drawn during his first days in the human realm vs. when peace is restored in the Isles.

1. See the sense of calmer urgency in his expression, putting the mission of building the portal door first, while experiencing a strong sense of togetherness with his friends, and learning to trust Camila who is treating him well:

compared to

2. the sheer exhaustion and feeling of "What now...?" (see his upper eyelids below?) that set in, once he helped Willow find her parents and there was no more task at hand that didn't involve himself. His bright smile from a split-second ago has drooped and disappeared:

I know that right after the above frame, Darius and Eberwolf reunited with him, but his emotions are going to cycle up and down in the hours, weeks and months ahead. The elation from seeing Darius and Eber - people who were there to greet him when he expected nobody to turn up - is not going to last, though it will certainly come and go, because high-running positive emotions like that don't last as long, especially in the context of the life he's had as a child soldier. It's totally possible that on the same night, hours after this reunion with their loved ones, their emotions will shift drastically.

The tired look in his eyes above and the sad face he then makes, is in between two moments of him having something external to focus on (Willow and then Darius). I'm inclined to think that the above depressed look reflects a lot of the complexity that is going on underneath the surface. What is his state of mind when alone with his thoughts, when he has zero tasks to perform? How is he handling those thoughts?

There will be a deep, sometimes mind-numbing sense of bereavement over two significant figures in his life. First Flapjack, now this:

He used to love Belos. But I'm really not sure he can just uproot that love from deep within and discard it. Hunter carries memories like the following ones around which will be confusing to navigate on tougher days, despite being able to tell Luz "That's what Belos does, he tricks people". Because these were his formative years:

and something tells me that Philip was cunning enough to strike a delicate balance between being 'nice' to Hunter like above, versus unleashing his violent temper to terrify and harm him. Making sure that balance was so close to 50/50 that it would leave a child very confused. So confused he would rather believe he's never good enough rather than the more frightening prospect that his so-called family does not actually love him at all.

Hunter will have a moment now and then of still missing the 'niceness' that his 'uncle' showed towards him (felt in his heart and subconscious), while still knowing (in his head, rationally) that Philip was not genuine when treating him that way.

To note though, he did not witness Belos's death which reduces the severity of intrusive images that the poor kid would see in his mind.

What I'm worried about is how he'll handle the news about the grimwalker graveyard, since I'm sure that location is going to be scoured and Darius would want to give his mentor a proper sending off. They'd want to give all the Golden Guards and Caleb a sending off and pay their respects. This might add to what I suspect will be the messed up depression he'll fall into.

It will be very confusing and emotionally disorienting, literally not needing to worry about anyone killing him anymore. He has had no point of reference for this in his life at all. It might possibly the furthest he ever goes from that primal survival instinct he had while living in the Castle for so long, which took up the majority of his life so far:

There will also be the added layer of how he feels about those first emotions. This is literally a concept called Feelings About Feelings and it's a key part of my work since I use the Satir Model in my style of counselling. We don't just feel emotions, we also tack on our own judgments and evaluations about them. E.g. shame about feeling anger, guilt about feeling sad because of burdening others, or even a combination like fear about feeling joy which can show up in healing from bereavement.

Depending on how we feel about whichever emotions got there first, it makes a difference because we could be adding or subtracting unnecessary suffering from the first emotion, especially if the first emotion is an already unpleasant one.

I have a feeling that we'd see Hunter look very very tired, till he makes breakthroughs in therapy. A tiredness that sleep, a healthy diet and exercise alone simply cannot fix. Because there's an entire upbringing in the Emperor's Coven to sort through in his head, this time not combined with the avoidance of having fled to the human realm and living under one roof with his friends.

The Hexsquad are not living under the same roof anymore, they are reunited with their own families with much to emotionally talk out, and the group no longer has a very urgent single collective mission. Sure, Hunter has an active role to play in rebuilding the Isles, but what about rebuilding his very self? He has the steepest climb, because we have seen the symptoms he exhibits.

Most of all, referencing a section of my Retraumatization and Self-Soothing (Part 1) meta (link), a memory as horrible as this:

will likely be the most intrusive image is going to be replaying again and again over the months to come, and it may flood his thoughts during moments of being triggered or even out of nowhere during quiet moments for no apparent reason. It will be just like a broken record, where the same small excerpt of a song loops endlessly until the needle of the gramophone is repositioned.

It was remarkably poignant that his final words to Belos were "And most of all, I'm going to make sure you never hurt anyone again", and I'm happy with the story keeping it this way and understand why the writers likely made this decision - not just because the season was shortened. Hunter did not need to directly see or hear more from Belos in close quarters, not after his abuser minimized his needs for years, gaslit him, possessed him and got him to murder his best friend with his own hands.

It's more straightforward to make sure someone else isn't hurting anyone. It's easier to think of what plans to implement, when it comes to him protecting others: which he has had plenty of practice with. Because those are practical methods that we can see in action on the outside.

But here's the kicker: what about applying that last grand statement from his TTT speech to himself, emotionally: making sure he isn't psychologically hurting himself with harmful unhelpful thoughts and beliefs, after Belos's death? "I'll make sure I don't hurt myself (and by extension, my loved ones) again".

This will be very new to him, and it is a theme that I handle in pretty much every client case in my therapy work. The client's self-dialogue, the self-compassion or lack thereof. Which, in real life, is often not a concept that our own families and schools introduce to us to be familiar with.

For Hunter, this may translate into him making the decision to get help and truly accepting the gift of life that Flapjack gave him.

Basically this on a much bigger scale:

whereby in Flapjack's absence, he can truly believe in this new and positive fundamental belief about himself. The evidence that he managed to make it to that heartbreaking but incredibly beautiful place is pretty strong:

But before his happy ending, the pressure on himself to be useful to others via helping and working is likely going to come back and be used as his way of coping, and there's a chance it will cross the line into becoming a form of self-harm that he's relying on to avoid the frightening, deeper emotional pain. People around him know him well enough that they'll be able to spot his behavioral changes and then sense he is not going in a helpful direction. They'll see that it's hurting him even though it's the most familiar territory for his mind to be in, and someone is going to tell him to change that.

He's going to be seeing his friends with their palismen. How will it be like being among them, even if they are pretty good at supporting him? How would he attempt to make sense of the void that is the absence of the incredible love he experienced from that first friend, the absence of that mental link between witch and palisman?

What emotions could be lurking beneath the surface? Believe it or not, there are some signs from Luz's nightmare even though yes, Hunter was being controlled by The Collector. I wouldn't quickly dismiss this dark Flapjack-related scene as 100% being about The Collector's goal to scare Luz in the nightmare.

I think there was a smaller subplot going on as well.

The Collector needed material to work with in the first place, to perform the puppet acts: the material was whatever fears and whatever pain was already there in their targets.

The Collector didn't create Hunter's emotions from scratch for the puppet act; instead he manipulated and redirected what existed at the base level. All this wouldn't work as analogies of mental illness vs. mental health if The Collector could just engineer emotions on their own and simply replace whatever his puppet targets were already feeling. Emotions never vanish and always take up space somewhere, they are redirected, transformed or channeled into outlets even if it means they become repressed or locked away. But they never stop existing.

I have a feeling that despite the nightmare being Luz's, despite Hunter being used as an instrument for The Collector to achieve their goals...the pre-existing emotions that Hunter himself felt in his body, not puppet!Hunter's verbal responses towards Luz, were true. He is a haunted boi.

This face he makes above might be a hint at the worst of his pain. It might be the furthest he has felt from when he said "I like who I am right now" to Flapjack. In the place of that confidence from before, there might now be his own version of Luz's "I'm as bad as Belos". I cannot be entirely certain, but the negative belief that may have taken root in him could be "I am not deserving of the life Flapjack gave me".

Interestingly, if this is the case, it could easily parallel his line from all the way back in Any Sport in A Storm: "I'm unfit to wear the sigil of the Golden Guard." It's definitely a possibility, since Hunter is now faced with having a lot of time and space now, and less urgency than he's ever had in his life, to think back on all those times he helped to further Belos's cause. Especially when it came to sending many palismen to their deaths.

With his own palisman now dead, the engraving we would eventually see on Flapjack's grave: "Thank you for finding me", would be the destination. But the journey needed to reach that destination of amazing gratitude in the first place...must have been a harrowing one. In the early months of the acute grief, it would've been more like "Why did you have to find me?! You shouldn't have. Then none of this would've happened". Not forgetting the number of times Hunter has replayed in his head what he could've done differently, trying so desperately to rewind the clock and make that better alternate timeline a reality.

If you remove The Collector and even Luz from the equation in the Luz nightmare scene, Hunter may well be having such responses - the ones that puppet!Hunter directed at Luz to blame Luz - as a dialogue with himself. He might direct those negative emotions towards himself since he's so careful about hurting others and has taken on unfair punishment for so much of his life.

Even when he was temporarily himself, smiling, expressing a positive emotion to encourage Luz with "What's the first thing you do when you wake up from a bad dream?", that was him conversing with another person, someone external. Not his own self. I am willing to bet he wasn't at a point in his arc where he would smile at himself like that and easily encourage himself in the same way.

While we can be certain he had already reached his breakthroughs by the time we saw him post-timeskip, he has not experienced them yet in the frame above. He has not felt (yet) what Luz felt onscreen when she had breakthroughs in relation to her moral injury:

Taking a leap of faith to accept the Titan's gift, to trust that he chose her because she has a good heart and will never be Belos.

Then later, being able to stand firm, believing she truly is good ("I am the Good Witch Luz!"), and not uttering a word to Belos as he died - which was post-traumatic growth beyond how she broke down under his threats and manipulation towards the end of Hollow Mind and later in King's Tide.

Recap time. In the (quite likely) long period that passes by before we meet his new palismen, he's likely going to want to jump into action and attend meetings with Darius, Eberwolf and co, help to physically rebuild things and organize people with his own Coven Head experience. Leaning back on the ingrained and familiar lifestyle of pouring himself into work and gearing towards burnout is certainly a risk to watch out for.

The Hexsquad, CATTs and the Clawthorne sisters are going to notice his behavior and likely urge him to get appropriate rest and seek help.

However, there is the other extreme: Belos isn't around anymore to torment him, and Hunter would know this in the rational sense (head knowledge). Which leads to the possibility that he may swing towards shutting down as opposed to overworking tendencies. He would feel allowed to do whatever he wants, in this new Boiling Isles, and he had months of opportunities to do that in the early part of Thanks to Them before Belos's return.

What I'm getting at is, if he didn't sleep enough before, he might swing towards sleeping too much after finally collapsing from the familiarity of survival mode into unknown but genuinely safe territory. If he cared too much about helping others before, he might swing towards a depressive state of apathy (the closest canon reference point would be him digging his grave: he was very disarmed in that scene to even think much about helping anyone including Belos). This is why the screenshot I used of his smile drooping in The Collector's Palace, feels like a big clue to me. This would be where Darius, Camila and other adults have to seriously keep watch over him.

In the Cinema Therapy episode I had as a small reference for this post, the licensed therapist who hosts the series mentions that "It takes a lot longer to put oneself back together than it took to fall apart." In Hunter's case, the "falling apart" period here refers to that collapsing I mentioned. It would be the time between:

1. the grief hitting him in full force: when he subconsciously understands and acknowledges that Flapjack isn't coming back (which...will involve hell of a lot of wailing and sobbing. Him having a full version cry of those first few tears he shed at the end of TTT),

and

2. the time when the painful shock from feeling the full force of the grief has decreased enough that it plateaus.

This falling apart stage may need to pass before he seeks therapy. If he tries going for sessions while still going through that shock and pain, it might be too much for him.

As terrible and sad as it sounds, a deep dark spiral like this might be necessary. It would be his body and mind wanting to compensate for several years' worth of unnatural hypervigilance which wasn't serving him in a advantageous way (i.e. surviving) any longer. His body and mind begging for rest at last, to try and make sense of everything that happened. This big collapse into depression would empty out the old and free up much room in him for new stories, beliefs and perspectives to take root. Depression is, after all, the body's attempt to (maladaptively) try and protect us by numbing us, or else we would be overwhelmed.

As someone whom we know keeps himself very busy, this could be the period where he is the furthest he has ever been from that old simpler life. Because his CPTSD-ridden body would be demanding more than ever that he compensates for a childhood and teen years' lack of general rest, he may not even have the strength to cope the way he did before. The only way he might possibly cope in this period is to go with the flow of that raging current and do exactly what his body is asking of him: getting real rest.

Like what happened with Katniss in the Hunger Games trilogy, this early grieving stage would emotionally be difficult and terrifying, like walking along a tightrope, finding balance between left and right to angle yourself as straightly as possible and walk forward. (the tightrope metaphor is what I use with some of my clients to explain swinging between extremes of coping mechanisms).

The missing pieces of the puzzle in his arc, in the 4-year duration before the timeskip, might be his own version of these points in Luz's arc:

where she sank lower before she realized her deepest wish and emotionally experienced her worst fear in her Watching and Dreaming nightmare.

For Hunter, these could look like the following:

Like Luz saying it'd be better for everyone that she permanently stays in the human realm, Hunter might say he wants to remove himself from his loved ones in some way, for good. Whether a literal suicide attempt (like Katniss from The Hunger Games) or not, I can't say for sure.

A parental figure trying to reach out to him, saying he is deserving of Flapjack's gift. But he still struggles to believe that. What matters though is this parental figure is present and he's not pushing them away.

Him hearing some confirmation of his deepest negative belief about himself, in his own nightmares. Like Luz hearing the most terrifying things she could ever hear - Amity's "You've been the real villain this whole time" and "But for the sake of everyone you hurt, I challenge you to a witch's [duel]".

Him being able to reach an emotional space where he can begin to question that unhelpful belief: "Am I really deserving of Flapjack's gift?", or something similar.

The big moment when he finally tells someone how he really feels about the possession, Belos's death, Flapjack's absence in this new supposed peace and quiet....this would be the important invitation for the other person to connect and meet his emotional needs, and is a lot like how support groups for addiction work: a client needs to acknowledge that they are struggling with a problem, not avoiding it with distractions any longer, and then seek help and express their need for said help.

I suppose the question is how soon Hunter might decide to accept professional help and give it a go: or whether he'd have the genuine need for space first and say "I need some time". Because one's rational mind can be ready to go for therapy, but their subconscious and body would find it too unpleasant if it's too soon. Every part of him would have to be ready to begin putting himself back together after the falling apart stage occurs.

The messed up experience of CPTSD is that you stay shockingly calm during real danger, but on the flip side have big, disproportionate freakouts during actually safe times. Compare how calm Hunter was when he smiled at Luz in her nightmare while he was tied up with puppet strings vs. his fear and shame when he couldn't save Luz in Clouds on the Horizon. 

In a CPTSD memoir I read, the author describes that it was horribly frightening to hear her partner be in a bad mood and wash the dishes more loudly than usual, while during the pandemic, she felt completely calm seeing empty shelves in a supermarket when she struggled to get supplies.

From my own experience, I have experienced being pretty damn calm when bleeding out and needing hospitalization. But in a different year before that, I recall one afternoon alone in my house right before a vacation where a strong gust of wind very loudly slammed an open door shut next to where I happened to be standing, and I broke down sobbing from a retraumatization via an emotional flashback. Because it felt extremely real as if my abusive parent was lashing out to physically hurt me. 

After a 5-year period of mostly being in talk therapy, and then a 2-year period of regularly scheduled EMDR therapy, my response if I have a door loudly slam shut near me now would maybe be a smaller-scale flinch and a flash of anger that would last about maybe a minute. Which is miles better than sobbing for half an hour and being dissociated and frozen in a memory for hours before I thaw out of that flashback.

Since the show's writing is just that good, I could look at Luz's depressive symptoms manifesting in Thanks to Them and see a likely parallel in Hunter's story moving forward, since we know how much this show also digs neat and tidy parallels. These are characters written for TV after all, so they'd have to fit a formula to an extent, to have compelling arcs and reach high and low points along said arcs.

Part 2: Therapy Itself

Part 1 was the setup to give a good amount of context: now for the technicalities of the therapy sessions themselves:

Like Adrian Graye said in Labyrinth Runners, Illusion Magic can sort through memories. We have seen from Gus's own powerful Illusion abilities that he could do so with Belos. It makes sense that a therapist does this in sessions to have a magnified version of how in our world, therapists exercise empathy by imagining what it is like to be their clients:

I would monitor whether his mood (what he is feeling within) and affect (how the emotions appear on the outside e.g. tone of voice, face expressions) are congruent. Congruence usually means a client is in less distress. Incongruence might mean they are in so much pain that they can't connect directly with the main emotion: the perfect example of this being Hunter laughing when digging his grave.

We therapists take note of aspects such as affect, mood, the client's motor activity, any indicators of psychosis, even down to things like how untidy their hair looks in case we get clues about the severity of their issues (this is called a Mental Status Exam, and we write what we see in our case notes per session).

Because CPTSD is so relationship-centric, I'd discuss how he's getting along with new parental figures (the Belos replacements who will heal him so much and change his life forever!) and friends.

If the Boiling Isles therapists use their own equivalent of EMDR therapy, which is theorized to be like a waking version of how REM sleep and REM-related dreams help our brains to sort through memories, it sounds like a great fit for his case. This intervention involves subconscious work and could help him reshape how he experiences memories of Flapjack and Belos. EMDR clients are expected to see vivid images popping up without control in their mind during the sessions, and they are quite symbolic e.g. seeing a grey sky often indicates grief, seeing lighter colors indicates more calm. This technique helps a client's subconscious rewrite their story the way they'd like it to be, and install new positive beliefs and emotions over time.

My own example of EMDR experiences from the second half of 2019 as a client, is it majorly changed how I related to my own abuser, got me to finally feel allowed to emotionally break away from her, even though she is still alive and even lives in the same building.

In the early sessions, I saw an image of my 5-year-old self being forced to wear an ugly grey apron that my abuser used for baking. The apron is a real object, not fictional, and the emotions I felt showing up were matching with the image: feeling very uncomfortable seeing a visual representation of my abuser's hold over me.

But in a later session after a few months, guided by my therapist, I saw a vivid image of my abuser receiving a sea burial. She was lying peacefully on the water surface and sank down until she was gone. That was me subconsciously burying any expectation that she could ever provide what I needed. This was so powerful that I could go home after that session and permanently (so far) be significantly calmer around my abuser.

Therefore if Hunter goes through something like this, he'd potentially be able to put Belos to rest and have it feel very real and true: and have significantly reduced distress about Belos-related memories. There is the potential for powerful breakthroughs for him here, especially also related to Flapjack's death and how challenging it might be to carve palismen in the beginning. Especially since in the worst case scenario, even touching palistrom wood might be enough to badly trigger him. I cover this particular point a bit more in my other meta, Retraumatization and Self-Soothing (Part 1).

We would also be discussing what he's implementing into his routine and what may benefit him. I would be seeing if he is able to laugh about things, be motivated enough to be outdoors and among people, experience pleasure when creating new things, and form closer bonds with parental figures (what I just listed is to do with neurotransmitters in the brain that increase mental health: serotonin, endorphins, dopamine and oxytocin).

If I were his therapist I might suggest that whatever volunteering tasks he does, he carries those out with his friends, and time should be allocated to managing and taking care of a specific demographic: children. Because I think it'd be a safe, low stakes form of unfamiliarity for him to have enough emotional distance from his traumatic memories. Early months of acute grief usually require such emotional distance.

Having a good dose of an environment like that alongside the other tasks where he's working alongside Darius etc, could help him because kids' emotions are less complex, and their infectious laughter and fun-loving nature may play a role in helping him be more open with his own inner child. His therapist would be seeking to draw out that inner child in their sessions, and that little child would need to feel safe enough to emerge.

Importantly, his future palisman: it would've been interesting if he did what Luz did with Stringbean and allowed the palisman to be whoever they wanted to be...that would've been a nicely organic process. But even if he had a good idea to incorporate a Flapjack-like design but change details like the color, I'm sure he thought it through very well. I'm certain that this was a major topic of discussion at some stage of his therapy. Discussing the guilt he'd feel about replacing Flapjack vs. still taking Flapjack with him in a new way.

Coming from a strengths-based angle: paying attention to which of his individual strengths he is shows and recounts in the session. If he needs reminding, I could give him a simple worksheet listing various positive qualities and ask him to circle/colour in which ones he feels he has, which then prompts further discussion and questions. Lastly, a powerful tool called reframing e.g. if he says he's worried about being a nuisance to his friends, I'll point out how much he cares about their comfort and affirm that place of kindness.

Work on inviting self-compassion into how he sees himself. Is he able to view himself the way he views his friends? If he remembers the encouragement he gave to Luz about "turning on the light", I would ask him what that would look like in his own life, symbolically.

Hunter's own life has been a really really bad dream for a very long time. He himself has to reach for that light switch and choose to heal by embracing Flapjack's ultimate gift to him.

And we can rest assured that Hunter did that.

Because this post-traumatic growth right here?

This looks like multiple breakthroughs have taken place while he's been receiving consistent care from an excellent community. And there's no way it was an easily won victory. It has been very much hard-won, after how dark the story became in Hollow Mind and Thanks to Them, and it looks like whatever breakthroughs he had left him pleasantly surprised.

It doesn't seem like his heart and soul can contain this much joy and hope, without a very painful dismantling to have taken place first, to make room for the most unexpected treasures to fill his life back up.

The joy becomes even greater if you never would've expected it in your wildest dreams.

[absolutedestinyapocalypsse]

Raine is the embodiment of trying to fix the system from the inside, of the idea that is taught to us by people in power that the institutions that are designed to hurt us are neutral, and need only be wielded by the right people. If the finale of the show is trying to teach how you dont owe forgiveness and kindness to people who dont want to change, Raine's part of the story exemplifies how even the kindest, most forgiving person can be rendered helpless by these institutions if they try to fight from within them, how sometimes the very institutions we accept as given in our word dont deserve our forgiveness either, don't deserve our hope that they will change for the better, because they were always designed to hurt people.

Raine became head witch because they wanted to be a mentor, to help- this intention is never muddied or changed at any point in the series (this is very important- Raine is not corrupted by the power or position, it's not a matter of good people becoming bad with power, its a matter of good people being unable to do good within the system)

It's an isolating job- it appears to be them alone against the covens and belos. But the most effective change we seen them enact is not through their status as a coven head- something they are not comfortable or suited for as someone who "can't stand an audience"- its done through the CATTS, a group outside the coven system designed to persuade and help people against the throne. They get to wear a mask, get to perform in a way that makes them comfortable get to overcome their fear in a group setting. The CATTS organize in a very realistic way, and through them Raine meets Eda again, comes closer to the love and community they lost around the time when they joined the Bard coven.

But then, the plan changes- they go under cover. Pretend theyre working with the emperor until the last moment, use their status as a coven head to change the outcome of the day of unity. Whe they're doing that, they have to very publically denounce all of their beliefs, and behave as if the system that's trapping them is good. They aren't actually being controlled at this point, but the nature of the plan is such that they have to act like an arm of the emperor, going against everything they believe in. So, in a very real, non-magic way, they still are being controlled.

And the plan ends up being a disaster. All that work, all that deep cover planning, none of it stopped the day of unity from happening. Meanwhile, Raine's spent all this time- what was probably their last opportunity to reconnect with Eda and build back a damaged relationship before the world ended-compromising their beliefs and behaving as a propaganda machine for Belos. It appears, at the beginning of season 3, that Raine has given up everything- their autonomy, their friends, their love- for nothing. So, of course Belos picks them to possess- he's so used to Raine being a puppet in every other way. They have inadvertendly made themself a vessel for the will of the emperor through trying to stop him.

And now, they have another internal battle to fight- one over direct control over their own body (I don't think it's a coincidence that the biggest trans character in the show has this struggle, but thats for later.) What has been more of a symbolic or ideological control for all of the series becomes an inescapable physical control, one that they fight with every inch of their being to overcome. And they do overcome it- they push Belos out- but it doesn't stop him. Just like how it was being a coven head, being a tool for Emperor Belos didn't actually give Raine the power to stop him, it just put them in close enough proximity to him to be hurt more.

It's meaningful that they finally do get to take down Belos when he's without the system he build to prop himself up and put down others, literally ripped from the heart of the titan- nothing but a manipulative pile of goo. It's meaningful that they do it surrounded by friends and allies and lovers, and it's meaningful that they get to enjoy it, after all this time scratching at the surface and trying to change the coven system for the better, the thing that finally destroys it- destroys Belos is an alliance- a found family- curb stomping him into oblivion.

[ghostlychief]

I'm not sure if you write for Blue team, but can you do relationship headcanons for them? If not, then relationship headcanons for John-117?

another master chief request for the books, LETS GOOOOO

(i decided to write headcanons for John) enjoy!! <3

---

Dating Master Chief (John 117) Headcanons

no warnings; just fluff

---

Dating John would feel like the calm after the storm, or like a consistent gentle rainfall that can’t help but ease you, quelling your worries

Dating John is calming like rainfall in the sense that you feel a sense of respite wash over you when you’re with him; being with him is also akin to that of the calming pitter-patter noise you hear when the rain comes; it’s never to harsh, or too loud; always a consistent rhythm

You feel a blanket of security wrapping itself around you tightly, never threatening to let you go when dating him; it’s solid and firm, just like John

You both were a bit shy when you first got together; no surprises there though, John leans more on the quiet side, and you, well, anyone would be a little timid when first dating a Spartan (they were genetically modified humans after all)

But John quickly made sure that you felt completely and utterly safe around him; he knew what he was capable of, and the last thing he wanted to do was ever scare you; and you appreciated that about him

It’s not like you are some scared little girl, afraid of Spartans, but, you know, they were the infamous Spartans you heard about growing up, you weren’t quite sure what to expect when you first met them (surprise, surprise Blue team all turned out to be lovely people)

You appreciated John’s understanding for the time it took for you fully get to know him, and be comfortable around him

In your early stages of dating, you guys mainly kept to public outings, like restaurants, movie theaters (yes Reach has a cinema), parks (you both enjoyed going on long walks together and you tease John about how his ‘normal’ walk is your jog)

You could say that he properly ‘wine and dined’ you, well as much as one can on Reach seeing that its operation is more so military and not just another regular planet

He was a gentleman: he opened doors for you, whether that be building, apartment, or car doors; it didn’t matter, he was there to open them for you; he also would sometimes place his hand at the small of your back, which sent sparks twinkling up your spine the first few times he did that (let’s be honest, you still feel giddy even now)

He was a great listener, always ready with a question (or 10) whenever you were telling him about your day, things that happened at work, the latest book you read. He always had a follow-up, always curious to know more about you, and what you’re thinking

You also were the same in that matter, always asking him questions; who could blame you though, his job was a lot cooler than yours

You were in awe of all the different planets and solar systems he’s been to (including the Halos) and you always picked his brain about the Covenant (you’ve been fortunate enough to not cross paths with the Covenant)

When John wasn’t on a mission, you weren’t at work, or you guys weren’t going on a “formal” date, you and John could be found lounging around one of your apartments, either reading, watching TV, doing puzzles, things like that

Sometimes you guys liked to do your own thing but in the company of the other

However, one of your favorite things to do is to nap with John

He’s so large that he generates a lot of body heat, so whenever winter rolls around and there’s snowflakes in the air, you loved to cuddle up with him on the couch, completely wrapped in his embrace and fall asleep with no worries on your mind (being with John made that easy)

John is the kind of partner who is a great shoulder to cry on; his support is endless for you, and he’s always there whenever you run into a problem; he’s there to listen about what’s troubling your life, but he’s not one to be pushy about how to fix it; no, he’s there for you, and makes sure to comfort you the best he can (which usually is you asking him for a hug, which he immediately complies with)

John gives the best hugs because 1) he is taller than you, so he can easily wrap you up tight and rest his head on yours, and 2) his arms are long and muscular, which makes his hugs 10x warmer and just better overall

Something that you quickly learned about John after a couple months of dating was that he was actually funny (right, like what are the odds a Spartan of his caliber has a funny bone?)

His humor was of course dry and sarcastic, but he got a laugh out of you every time he cracked a joke

Blue team also tells you stories about John (not to his knowledge) since they have known him since they were all pre-teens; sometimes you’ll bring something up to John, and he’ll be like “Where’d you hear that from?” (he wasn’t stupid he knew); and then a couple days later you’ll hear how hard John made training for them (oops)

Nevertheless, dating John has brought a sense of security into your life that you never thought you would feel, or have; you only hope is that you provide the same for him

(spoiler, you do)

[ladykailitha]

Well Met By Moonlight Part 8

And we're back! Are you guys getting my tags, the engagement dropped again. I know that in America there was the holiday but it kinda dropped off before that and I saw other blogs that didn't have their tags work at all. So let me know if you aren't seeing all my posts.

Steve talks to Keith, learns some unsettling news and Robin is awesome.

Part 1 Part 2 Part 3 Part 4 Part 5 Part 6 Part 7

****

Billy Hargrove was a racist, chauvinistic asshole with a savior complex longer than his dick, but he was also one hundred times the better man than Dr. Martin Brenner. Granted Brenner was scraping the bottom of the ocean, but Steve was grateful for not having had to deal with him when he was around.

He also knew that he wasn’t going to speak to the Dominus today. He was going to speak to his second in command, Keith Prince.

He didn’t like Steve, and Steve didn’t know why. But considering that despite the last name, he looked more like a toad than a prince, Steve had a pretty good idea the dude was just jealous of Steve’s good looks.

He walked up to the coven, bare ass on display, having just shifted.

“The fuck do you want, Harrington?” Keith snarled. “And why can’t you come dressed like decent folk?”

“Because I’m a werewolf, Keith,” Steve sighed. “The fastest way for me to travel is to wolf out.”

Keith rolled his eyes. “You could always send Carol or Robin to do your dirty work. That is what keepers are for, aren’t they?”

“That’s isn’t happening in this or any life time,” Steve growled. “Not after you propositioned Robin the last time I sent her here on pack business.”

Keith just sneered. “What. Do. You. Want? I’m busy!”

Steve sighed. “Tell your Dominus that we may have the public school system to blame for the raise in hunters and to ask his thralls what they’ve heard.”

Keith scoffed. “He already knows about that shit and they don’t know nothin’.”

Steve’s spine stiffened at the tone and the fact that Billy already knew about the thing with Josh.

So either he had Lucy in his pocket, or there was a spy in his pack. Neither was an option he wanted to entertain.

Steve showed his teeth, forcing Keith to back down.

“You shouldn’t lie to an alpha, dumbass,” he snarled. “I can smell the stench of the lie coming off you like stale weed. You tell your Dominus that if he thinks he can push me around, remind him what happened to the last asshole who crossed me.”

Keith straightened up and bowed his head. “My apologies, alpha.”

Steve snapped his jaw at Keith before shifting back into a wolf. A wolf that could look Keith in the eye. He showed his teeth again and was gratified when he smelled the scent of urine wafting from the vampire.

He leapt through the door, leaving the scent of urine, lies, and fear far behind him.

*

Steve came back in time to see Josh off to his parents. He watched as Josh chatted happily with them over everything he did.

“…Did you know that a single werewolf could eat up to thirty pounds of meat a day? But not raw, that’s a myth...” Josh prattled on, his parents giving each other amused glances behind his back.

Steve turned to Tommy, the keeper that was hiding in the crow’s nest near the entrance.

“It sounded like he had fun,” he said, as Tommy leapt down in front him.

“Carol wanted to straight up adopt him,” Tommy said with a sneer.

“She always did have a soft spot for strays,” Steve murmured as Tommy fell instep next to him. “Especially strays that love shopping.”

Tommy nose twitched. “You went to that vampire mongrel’s again, didn’t you? I can smell him from here.”

Steve smacked Tommy’s head. “He’s not a mongrel just because he was made instead of born. Where are you kids getting these ideas? Jesus Christ.”

He snorted. “Whatever, I can still smell him.”

“I saw the mayor and visited the coven too,” Steve said dryly. “I was doing my duties as an alpha. There is something wrong in this town and I am going to figure out what.”

Tommy sniffed again. “Yeah, I get it. I don’t want Hopper back as the alpha anymore then most of this pack, so you better figure it out, before you get yourself killed.”

Steve pushed him playfully. “Shut it, Tommy!”

Tommy laughed. “I bet I can beat you to the center, no shifting.”

“You’re on!”

*

Steve was in his hut? Cottage? Living structure? He was never sure what to call all the little houses that was in the compound. Hell, he didn’t even like the word compound, really. It felt cult-ish. Which they weren’t.

Werewolves had tried living in towns for millennia and it never worked out well for the werewolves. They would get blamed for everything from failed crops, high infant mortality rates, and plagues.

So they started forming their own communities inside towns. Much like the Vatican and Italy.

Well whatever anyone called them, it was home.

Steve was at home, playing cards with Robin.

“So what did you think of Josh today?” he asked, drawing a card.

“I bet Tommy whined about it all the way back to the center of camp,” Robin said with a scoff.

“It’s actually fucking ridiculous how much the pack is so...so...” he threw his hands in the air frustration. “Fuck I don’t know the right word for it. But click-ee?”

“Clicky?” Robin asked. “What the hell does that mean?”

“You know, a click,” Steve said. “The jocks, the cowboys, the goths, the freaks. A click.”

“Ohhh...” she said. “A clique.”

Steve frowned. “Isn’t that what I just said?”

Robin half shrugged. “Sort of. But yeah, I’ll agree to the pack becoming more and more cliquey. It’s become very insular since...” she paused to think. “Actually I don’t when it started, but it’s recent. I just can’t tell you how recent.”

Steve hummed. “It’s becoming a problem and one I don’t know how to fix. I mean Josh and Chance here will help not only them realize that we aren’t monsters, but that regular humans aren’t monsters either.”

Robin nodded. “It’s certainly a step in the right direction. You need to get out more in the community. Do Q&As at the town hall and middle school.”

Steve scratched his cheek thoughtfully. He placed all his cards down. “Out.”

“Skunked again!” Robin shrieked. “How are you so good at this game?”

Steve just shrugged. “Why not elementary schools?” She stared at him blankly. “For the whole Q&A thing.”

“Oh, that,” she said, waving her hand. “Because despite there being an actual werewolf in the school no teacher or parent would agree to you speaking to kids that young.”

Steve sighed. She was probably right. “’K, so middle schools and town halls help with the community at large but what about the pack?”

She just shrugged. “That’s something you should really talk to your alpha female about, you know.” She scooped up the cards and began shuffling them.

Steve sighed. He did know. But he also knew that Nancy was still very much a conservative when it came to pack dynamics. She had actually turned him down twice because she felt that the alphas should be mated.

It wasn’t until Steve asked her and she couldn’t come up with a logical, non-sexist reason why that should be the case that she accepted the role.

“I love her dearly,” he said instead. “But I just kinda want to spit ball some ideas with you that I can take to her. So I don’t look stupid.”

Robin shoved his shoulder playfully. “She doesn’t think you’re stupid.”

Steve scoffed. She really, really did.

“Okay,” Robin conceded. “Maybe a little.”

“There is also the little matter of the spy,” Steve grumbled.

Robin grimaced and chewed her bottom lip. “You know it’s Tommy, right? Please tell me you know it’s Tommy.”

Steve frowned. “No. Why would it be Tommy?”

She sighed and scooted close to him. “Steve, he’s been hanging on Billy’s coattails at school. He’s always talking about how great Billy is on and off the court. Hell, if I thought Billy liked boys I wouldn’t be surprised to learn Tommy was sucking his dick.”

Steve ran his fingers through his hair. “But I need to make sure. I just can’t go accusing people without proof.”

“I don’t think you should accuse him at all.”

Steve reared back in confusion. “What do you mean?”

“I mean, dingus,” Robin said slyly. “You make sure to tell Tommy things you know you want Billy to know. Because a spy you know is better than one you don’t.”

Steve gave her a big hug. “I wish you were my alpha female.”

She hugged him back. “I know.”

“Have you thought about asking for the bite when you turn eighteen?”

She shuffled back a bit and put her hands on her knees and then nodded. “Yeah. I’ve talked to my parents about it. They’re uneasy about having a werewolf for a daughter.”

Steve sighed. “I’m sorry. Maybe the town hall meetings and the Q&As with kids will help.”

She nodded.

“Thanks, Steve.”

He kissed her cheek. “Between you and I we are going to change the world.”

She looked at him shyly. “You really think so?”

“I know so.”

Robin pushed his shoulder again. “You are such a sap.”

Steve laughed. “Yes, but you knew that.”

She looked at the scar on his neck and then reached out to touch it. “I’m sorry they did that to you.”

He shivered at her touch. “I don’t mind it.”

“I do, Steve,” she said fiercely. “They hurt you because they were afraid of you.”

He sighed. “When my parents died, the Franklins were the only ones in town willing to take me in. The only people who knew about the silver collar they made me wear was just the three of us until I turned eighteen.”

“How did no one else know?” Robin asked gently.

“I only wore it when they were home at home,” Steve murmured. “I wasn’t forced to wear it at school. Just at home where I ‘might’ hurt them.”

“It’s still cruel.”

Steve just shrugged.

“Whatever happened to them?” she asked after a moment or two of awkward silence.

“Officially or unofficially?” Steve asked with a smirk.

“There’s an official story?” Robin said eagerly.

He laughed. “Sure is. They are currently on a business trip to...” he looked at his watch, “Tokyo, Japan.”

“What the hell?” she gasped excitedly. “What’s the real story?”

“Only Wayne and I know where their bodies are buried.”

Robin giggled and kicked her feet. “That’s amazing!”

Steve smiled at her fondly. She really was his platonic soulmate.

****

Part 9 Part 10 Part 11 Part 12 Part 13

Tag list: @spectrum-spectre @estrellami-1 @zerokrox-blog @artiststarme @swimmingbirdrunningrock @gregre369 @pyrohonk ​@a-little-unsteddie @chaosgremlinmunson @goodolefashionedloverboi @bookbinderbitch @chaoticlovingdreamer @maya-custodios-dionach @messrs-weasley @val-from-lawrence @i-must-potato @danili666 @carlyv @rozzieroos @wonderland-girl143-blog @itsall-taken @justforthedead89 @emly03 @bookworm0690 @littlewildflowerkitten @vecnuthy @redfreckledwolf @scheodingers-muppet @mira-jadeamethyst @just-a-tiny-void @potato-of-the-lord @goosesister @tinyplanet95 @anaibis @she-collects-smut @irregular-child

[violetrainbow412-blog]

I hate you [E. M]

Eddie Munson x fem!reader

word count: 13K (oopsie)

summary: You and Eddie Munson know exactly how you feel about each other. Until a moment changes everything and you embark on a journey of discovery about your relationship.

warnings: rivals to lovers (more lovers than rivals), hurt/comfort, mention of attempted abuse (but doesn't go too far) family problems, parental abandonment, the reader is ashamed of where she lives, drugs, drinking, swearing.

Love at first sight is an awesome thing. You make eye contact with the other person and suddenly their eyes become the most beautiful on the planet, instantly clicking and convincing you that you could give anything for them. Something similar happened to you with Edie Munson, but somehow the terms got confused, and instead of having love at first sight you experienced hate at first sight.

Middle school is the time when everyone is looking for their place in the world and you found refuge in black clothes, metal, and any position that was decisively against the system. To this day you had devoured entire books on anarchy and feminism, but you also did not deprive yourself of reading as energizing as the Lord of the Rings. But well, going back to the topic, coincidentally Eddie Munson also decided to take that course and although everyone's first thought was that you two would become friends, the truth is that the opposite happened. Because being honest, being different loses its meaning when there is another person identical to you, right?

In this way a kind of silent treatment was agreed upon between you; you hated him and he hated you.

It was like that for many years, doing endless things just to irritate each other. Sometimes he'd rush to grab the last of your favorite desserts in the cafeteria (even when he didn't like them) or you'd run to the movie and record store to rent just what you heard him mention over lunch. Other times you'd steal his stuff when he was distracted and Eddie would respond to this by taking some of yours, to the point where you guys had a little collection of each other in your rooms. Most of it was crap: a guitar pick, a chewed-up pen, a band pin. But it was as if they were trophies that you kept with special affection... or rather hate? Whatever the case, the point is that between you and Eddie there was a tension that by this point everyone had already been aware of.

Most of the time you had the same ideas and agreed (although you would never admit it) but when a disagreement arose, however minor, it was like watching Troy burn again.

"I know you're Ozzy Osbourne's bitch, but the truth is I think he's not that good" you had said once, seeing that he was wearing a shirt of the aforementioned. You were sitting next to him because you were late and there were no seats left, so you took advantage of the moment to make him angry "Now as a solo artist, I mean"

“At least he's still singing,” he muttered under his breath, looking at you out of the corner of his eye. “Not like this horrible group you like… what was its name? Oh yes, Coven. Only 3 albums, 5 years. It's embarrassing that you want to criticize him with that kind of taste.”

“Still, I don't care. That guy is so overrated. It's like…very basic, you know?” you insisted, trying not to be affected by what he had just said "And the Coven singer was the one who popularized the sign of the horns, did you know that?"

“Of course it wasn't her. It was Ronnie Dio”

"Huh, another overrated guy."

"Are all successful metalheads overrated to you miss feminism?" he asked rolling his eyes. You two kept arguing, paying no attention to the class, until things escalated so much that you two were sent to detention and even then, you kept fighting.

It was the daily bread and that was why one Monday morning when Eddie saw you walk through the door, he mentally prepared himself for what was to come. It was something common between you, you greeted him with one of the most derogatory nicknames you could think of and he answered with a similar insult. He straightened his back slightly as you walked past him, not wanting to seem too interested in your arrival, but he was shocked to see that there had been nothing but silence from you.

That had never happened.

Eddie didn't immediately turn his head towards you, but he did try to peek at you, hoping that maybe you could come back by remembering he was there. But you just sat in the last chair as usual and dropped your head against the table without paying any attention to the world around you. The guy looked you up and down: black boots, ripped pants, and a huge hoodie from your favorite band that you probably bought at a flea market. There was nothing unusual about you and yet he felt like you were a complete stranger.

With a frown and the gears of his mind working at full speed, Eddie took a sheet of paper and crumpled it into a ball that ended up landing on your head, so you could pay attention to him. But you didn't even get up, you just flipped the bird in such an impersonal way that it hurt him.

During class Eddie didn't have time to do or say anything to you because it was going to look completely weird that he was turning back every so often, but the feeling of awkwardness in his never left him for a second. Even when the teacher made one of those stupid comments that annoyed you so much, he didn't hear you reply at all.

Maybe she's just tired, he thought. He kept moving his leg restlessly up and down until the bell rang and he was finally able to get up to look at you. Indeed you looked tired, with a couple of dark circles that not even the cheap makeup you bought had been able to hide. Your lips looked somewhat dry and pale and your movements were similar to those of a zombie.

"I see that someone woke up with the left foot," he said with a mocking tone, while he approached you and leaned against a table, practically imprisoning you.

“Very funny, Munson. You better go fuck yourself and leave me alone” you exclaimed reluctantly, still not looking at him, as you collected your notebooks in your backpack and went through a gap that he had left uncovered. He thought that behavior was very strange, even for you, but he decided to let it go and tried to think of something else. Although after several days in which you had barely looked at him, thinking about you became something inevitable.

"Eddie!" Garreth half yelled, snapping him out of his thoughts of him. The entire club had noticed that their leader had been more distracted as he hadn't even mentioned anything about the campaign that night. "Are you listening to us?"

"Yeah. I'm sorry,” he stammered, leaning a little further forward on the table so he could look at his friends. They babbled about the monsters they still needed to defeat and Eddie only bit into the talk, teasing that they wouldn't stand a chance of winning.

He had started to feel livelier and more dynamic until his eyes unintentionally found you. You always sat alone and there was usually a mess of things on your table. Sometimes you'd read a book or nod your head from side to side to the music playing on your Walkman, but this time you were just mindlessly playing with your food and you hadn't even had dessert.

“Is it Y/N?” Dustin exclaimed suddenly. Eddie tensed at the mention of your name and turned to look at the boy.

"She is what?"

 “Is she the one who has you so lost in thought?” he asked, smirking. The most intelligent of the group was perhaps that boy, so the one with the long hair knew that it was totally useless to pretend before him.

"She's been kind of weird lately. That's it"

"And since when are you interested in her?" Mike murmured, frowning. Biting the inside of his cheek, Eddie didn't know what to say, even though he didn't understand why he was making such a big deal out of you, and he looked your way again.

"I guess I just want someone to annoy" he answered, shrugging, trying to convince himself that it was. There was an awkward silence for a few seconds in which everyone looked at the curly-haired man, until he got up from his chair "I'll be back in a minute" he said, without giving time for a reply from his friends, and then began to walk in the direction of where were you.

As soon as you saw him you let out a disgusted moan and rolled your eyes.

"What do you want?"

"As kind and beautiful as ever," he said wryly, as he dropped into the chair across from you.

"Today I'm not in the mood"

"That's the problem, you haven't been in the mood since the week started," Eddie began. His hand went directly to his cheek for support and he felt the icy coldness of the rings brush his skin.

"What are you talking about?"

“I'm saying you look miserable, girl. And I mean, I love that you're miserable but I usually like to be the reason for it,” he explained, but you just rolled your eyes again “You haven't even yelled at me or told me how useless I am and I'm honestly starting to feel a little bored. Have you stopped hating me already?"

“You're a complete drama queen and you probably have some fetish or something with being called useless. And I'm not going to contribute to that, thank you."

“What fetishes I have or don't have are none of your business unless you're going to do something about them,” he said with a flirtatious grin. You looked at him with annoyance and then you looked back at the food that you probably weren't going to eat. But Eddie was persistent so he got up from where he was to go to your bench and trap you between the wall and his pale body. "Are you going to do something about it?"

"I'm serious, I'm not in the mood to put up with these things. Not today, Eddie."

Eddie, you said, and the aforementioned felt a tug on his chest. You never said his name, he was always Munson or idiot or asshole or whatever derogatory term existed in English (and even other languages), or very occasionally a cold Edward. But something as personal and loving as Eddie sounded strange coming from your lips. And added to this, your voice had such a desperate and tired tone that suddenly everything disappeared and he wanted to give you a hug.

Wait a second… was he feeling compassion for you?

He was surprised when he felt your body slide under the table to escape and he felt silly for having frozen. When you reached for your backpack, his hand went almost by itself to hold your wrist.

“You okay?” he said. His voice was a kind and genuine whisper that took you by surprise and the fingers that barely pressed around your wrist felt warm.

"I'm better than ever" you just answered, while you let go and took your things. Eddie watched you walk down the hall with the certainty that you had blatantly lied to him and a touch of concern for you that he never thought he would have.

By the time Eddie got home it was late at night and all he wanted was to sleep for days at a time. But, unluckily for him, he still had a pile of homework to do that he knew he wouldn't do over the weekend. It wasn't the first time it had happened and he refused to fail another year, so he scavenged the house for some caffeine and poured himself a couple of cups as he wrote in his notebook. He had turned on music at a low volume and had left only his boxer shorts and a worn shirt that seemed to be enough for them despite how cold it was inside the trailer. He stayed like that for God knows how long and just as he was drifting off to sleep the ringing of the phone woke him up with a start.

It was after one in the morning, who could call him at that hour?

He thought maybe it was some emergency Wayne had had and he stumbled up to the phone, picked it up, and answered with a soft Hello? 

"Eddie!" he heard from the other side. Her voice was muffled by music and other voices "I am Robin"

"What are you doing calling so late?" he asked in confusion. He and Rob were good friends, but he couldn't see a particular reason for the situation.

"Oh, I'm at a party. Steve wanted to come but he didn't want to come alone and so he convinced me to come as his friend and if he didn't get someone then we could be together and stuff. You know, he's been unlucky and so am I, but Vickie isn't here otherwise it would be super embarrassing for her to see me half drunk or with Steve because then she'd think we're…”

“Rob,” he cut her off, “I love hearing your stories and I'm glad you guys are having fun, but that's just what you called? I would have appreciated if you did it on a more conventional schedule.”

“Right, I forgot. I'm calling because the girl you always argue with is here, the one who dresses like you…”

“Y/N?” he interrupted her again “And you want to pick her up or what? Are you calling me for advice?

"No, stupid! Let me finish. She came here a while ago but now she was really drunk and I don't know how it happened but she ended up getting into a fight with one of Jason's friends and her face was bleeding horrible and I can't find her anywhere."

Eddie's blood ran cold when he heard that. You weren't much of a party person and I was sure you didn't like most people out there but the fact that you'd bumped into a guy was even weirder. The pang of concern that had been latent now rumbled in his chest with force.

"Where is the party?"

“At Trina Smith's house. It is down the street…”

"I know where it is," he replied. Eddie had done a couple of sales for her and her friends "I'll be right over, if you find her, please keep her quiet and I'll find you ok?"

“Many say that she left the house, perhaps she is in the yard or on the street”

" I get it. Thanks Rob, take care of yourself”

"See you Eddie, good luck," she said goodbye and after that the boy rushed to his room to put on the first jeans he found and a jacket that was lying on the floor.

The road wasn't that long and was made even shorter by the dangerous speed at which he was driving. The idea that your face was bleeding terrified Eddie because he didn't know what those animals were capable of. A woman had been beaten, that was too much to say.

He parked in an available corner and started walking towards the house, listening to the laughter and music that came from there. He was already mentally reviewing the questions he could ask guests sober enough to find you, but it wasn't necessary as he found you standing with your body leaning against a post by the sidewalk.

“Y/N?” he asked, bending down so he could search your face. Robin wasn't lying, your cheek was full of dried red liquid and your lip looked split at one end. It wasn't as bad as he'd imagined, but it still made his blood boil.

“Munson?” you asked confused, looking up from narrowed eyes. It was obvious that you were drunk "Are you coming to break your nose too?"

"Did you break his nose?" he asked, unable to keep a bit of amusement from his voice. Even in your state you were a bully and it comforted him to know that the bastard hadn't walked away unscathed “Very metal, baby. But no, I'm here to take you home."

"I can go by myself, I don't need your help" you spat. You tried to walk, but after only a few steps you stumbled and Eddie laughed to himself as he grabbed your waist to help steady you.

“Obviously not. So either you leave voluntarily or I'll drag you to my car,” he murmured. With no choice but to lean on him to start walking and as you went the sounds of the party became smaller and smaller and were replaced with the calm of the night. Then Eddie helped you into the passenger seat with silence hanging between you "Where do you live?" he asked, but you didn't answer. You didn't want to go to your house, but you didn't want to have to tell him either, so noticing your lack of response he started the engine and started driving in a direction you didn't know.

It was obvious he wanted to ask questions and so did you, but instead you just kept staring out the window, your eyelids threatening to close many times. When you finally pulled over you were in a trailer park and still with all the alcohol in your system you were able to deduce that this was where Eddie lived.

"I'll stay here" you exclaimed, with your raspy voice "Tomorrow morning I'll be gone, I promise"

“You're not going to do that,” he said. There was no room in his tone for a contradiction "Come on inside, it's not as bad as you imagine" he continued and after going down he opened the door for you and practically carried you to the entrance. He was right, it was a very common trailer and you could see many books scattered on the table, which you assumed were the boy's homework. Your vision was too blurry to register any more details and you tensed a bit when you noticed that he was leading you to his room.

"What the hell are you doing?"

"I'm going to take you to my bed," he explained as if it was the most obvious thing in the world. But from the way your face paled, Eddie knew there was something you weren't telling him. "What's wrong?"

“Did they call you? Are you going to come here?"

"They? What are you talking about?" Eddie asked with a frown. He had never been the smartest but perhaps hanging out with Dustin had given him a few of his deductive abilities, since it took just a few seconds for him to understand what was happening "Y/N, what did those bastards do to you?” he asked, anger painted all over his face, "Did they touch you?"

“They wanted to do it. That's why I hit him” you clarified. He felt his heart shrink a little and one of his fists clenched tightly as if he was preparing to fight too "And I swear if you're with them, I..."

"Never. Not in a million years” he was quick to say “Don't even think about it, I would never do that to you. To nobody” he insisted and his voice sounded completely sincere “I promise I just want you to be able to rest because the couch is shit and I don't think you're comfortable. But if you want, we can go back there”

“I would like the bed” you dared to say. The truth was that your back was killing you and if you wanted to recover a little you would have to trust him. Eddie nodded and led you into the bedroom, where he helped you lie down. You couldn't appreciate too much, but what you did notice is that there wasn't a single space that was unoccupied; posters, furniture, photos, instruments, magazines, empty cans, full cans, and even a blanket with the name of his band. It was a most picturesque place, in your opinion.

“Robin was the one who called me. She's the short-haired one who plays in the band, she's my friend and she thought maybe she could use some help. She tried to look for you, but she didn't find you” Eddie explained, as if he wanted you to finish trusting him. Of course appearances could be deceiving, but thanks to all the years of knowing him you didn't imagine him capable of taking advantage of you while you were drunk so you relaxed considerably. "What were you doing there, anyway?" His words sounded almost like a scolding.

“Alcohol and drugs are always free at those parties” you replied while shrugging your shoulders “Things just got a little out of hand”

"Hm," he hummed, nodding his head gently. He looked at you and remembered the small detail of the stain on your face, so he got up and looked for a clean cloth that he moistened slightly, then extended it in your direction "You should clean yourself"

"Ajam" you murmured, getting up with difficulty and taking the piece of cloth with your hand. When you began rudely rubbing your cheek Eddie's eyes widened, lunging at you.

"No, don’t do that. You are going to get hurt. Do you want me to help you? No. I'll help you, even if you don't want to” he rambled. He took the rag from your hand after sitting down next to you he gingerly cupped your chin. You didn't say anything while he cleaned you up and for a second you felt like you were going to fall asleep under his soft touch, until a throat clearing brought you back to reality "You have to clean your lip too or it's going to get infected" he explained. He had a poor attempt at a first aid kit next to him; just a half-baked bottle of hydrogen peroxide that no longer had a label and some cotton balls. So you agreed and you decided to do this yourself because you didn't want Eddie Munson's hands near your mouth.

He watched the entire process and after that there was silence between you again, for a long time, but it wasn't as awkward as he expected it to be. Eddie was searching for something to say for conversation, but his thoughts were overwhelmed by the sound of a quiet sob.

You had started crying.

"Hey, hey, what's up?" he exclaimed, panicking completely. His hands were floating in the air not knowing where he should place them “Does it hurt?” he asked, but you awkwardly shook your head “Is it because of those guys? Did they hurt you? Do you want me to tell Steve to kick the crap out of them?" Eddie insisted, but you didn't say anything. It was obvious that you were trying to contain the tears with all your might.

“This is stupid, I'm coming home” you sobbed as you tried to get up without falling on your face. But it was clear you wouldn't even make it to the road, and he panicked and did the only thing he could think of.

He reached out with both arms and wrapped you in a hug.

He didn't even know why he had done it, maybe it was the automatic response he had to seeing someone cry, but the moment you fell on his chest he realized it was probably a bad idea. Knowing you, the safest thing was that you were going to push him or yell at him or insult him or all at the same time.

But even though you tried to walk away, the weight of your pain was greater and you ended up giving in completely. You relaxed into his hold, all the tears you had held back for months were spilling onto the young man's shirt. When was the last time someone hugged you? You could bet it had been years.

"Don't worry, we're fine" he whispered, with a sweet voice that you had never had the joy of hearing, while he ran one of his hands up and down your back. You were completely heartbroken, crying so loud that the neighbors could surely hear you if they wanted to, and Eddie never thought he could see you in such a state.

You were the tough girl in school, who could defend his ideas tooth and nail, who faced others without fear, and who always managed to find a new way to annoy him.

And now you were in his arms, curled up in a ball and expelling all the water from your body in tears.

Of course this was driving Eddie crazy. A few days ago you had wished him a happy weekend with two middle fingers, it had been years and years in which you two shamelessly despised each other that you were collapsing in a single night.

Not even in one night, they were breaking down with a fucking comforting hug.

"I can't take it anymore," you said, with your voice muffled by the fabric of your shirt "My life is a mess and I live in a shitty place and everything... everything is horrible" he was still, thinking about what he should answer before that. But luckily you kept talking "And he was gone for so many years and now he comes back as if nothing happened, hoping that the doors are open and we love him as if he hadn't been the most son of a bitch father" a short pause that was due to a sob “And he yells at us and calls us out and I just want it to be over. Because every day I feel worse than the previous one like I'm drowning in a huge well that no one is going to pull me out of because I don't have a single fucking friend. Because I drink to forget everything and I'm so pathetic and…” you couldn't continue, the overflowing tears didn't leave you, and after this he didn't say anything, but he pressed you closer against his body as if that could make any difference. As if with that he could remove, even a little, the weight of your problems.

Eddie hadn't the slightest idea that all of this was happening to you and now that he was, he felt bad that he never noticed. Most likely, that was why you had been in a bad mood all week and he had been so selfish as to recriminate you for not paying attention to him. But now you were there, opening all your feelings and fears with him, while he was frozen. It was obvious that he didn't know what to say to that, he didn't know you well enough to give an opinion, and yet he wanted to help.

“You can stay here to sleep if you don't want to go home” he offered “And if you need to go, I can take you too. Whatever you need, just ask me,” he murmured, hoping that meant something. For him the best way to help someone was to be of use to them, as he tried to do with you.

“I'm so lonely,” you sobbed, louder than the others, and Eddie frantically shook his head.

“You're not, Y/N. You don't…” Eddie tried to formulate words of encouragement, but he couldn't. So he just held you tight and waited for you to calm down. At some point Eddie couldn't hear you crying anymore and looking down he realized that you had fallen asleep.

He carefully separated you and placed you in a comfortable position between the yellowish pillows, while he covered you with a sheet that Wayne had just bought him.

Eddie still couldn't understand what causality of fate had decided that tonight the girl who could barely stand to be in a room with him would sleep in his bed, but he decided not to make a big deal out of it. For an instant, just a thousandth of a second, through his mind he crossed the idea of ​​lying down next to you to sleep. But he was aware that he didn't sit still at all when he slept and he didn't know how you would react, so he better grabs a pillow and walks down the hall to the couch.

In a few minutes, he was asleep too.

When you opened your eyes, your head hurt horribly and your whole body was sore, but even with these discomforts you couldn't help but notice the ceiling of the room that definitely wasn't yours. You panicked at the first second and sat bolt upright, afraid that someone had dragged you to some seedy place and ruined your life. But instead you saw a messy room that made you suddenly remember everything that had happened the night before.

Oh, that made you panic even more.

Some things were still a little blurry, but you remembered the essentials: you had gotten into a fight, Eddie Munson had come to pick you up, and suddenly all the feelings you had been holding back came out like verbal vomit as you cried on your chest. That couldn't be true, no way.

A feeling of tremendous regret flooded your entire system and your mind wandered to what he could do to you now that he had that information. Was he going to tease? Was he going to use your feelings to blackmail you? Was he going to tell the whole world? You didn't even know why you had told him, but most likely it was all because of the alcohol you had drunk and the bad time you had at the party.

The last week had been too hard for you, you weren't lying to him when you said you lived in a shitty place. Your mother was a woman who made a bad choice when she was young; your father. For years you had endured his abuse and his alcoholism until the twins were born and he decided it was best to leave. To be honest, that relieved you a lot and you didn't feel guilty at all. You had begun to dress as you wanted, to discover what you liked, and to have your own personality. But the dream didn’t last long, at some point your mother couldn’t work a single shift and you had to take care of the twins during the afternoons and evenings, when they weren’t at school, with Fridays off for you. It was a pace of life that you had gotten used to and although it was heavy it was much better than having your father at home. That was why when a week ago he had arrived, drunk and screaming, you had felt so upset. He was worse than you remembered him and he had made your siblings cry, but even with his insistence you didn't let him in the house. He was persistent and it was as if he had been sucking the vitality out of you every time he went to claim you were a bad daughter. And the ghosts of the past were sometimes too heavy.

You were praying with all your might that Eddie had gotten out of the trailer or that he was busy or whatever so that he wouldn't notice that you had woken up. You staggered to get up and search for your shoes, not missing the chance to take a curious look around the place. Now that your vision was less blurry, you could notice the drawers with cassettes, the discarded clothes, and even a box of condoms near some inappropriate magazines. You rolled your eyes at the latter and thought about when was the last time Eddie Munson had touched a… person, making a mental note to tease him about it later.

When you finished putting on your shoes you noticed that you had lost the scrunchie that was holding your hair somewhere and you internally cursed that you had lost your favorite. You sneaked out of the place, not sure where the front door was or if anyone else lived in the house until you ran into the boy sprawled out on the couch while he was snoring a little. The position didn't look comfortable at all, but he seemed to be and you walked past to where you assumed the exit was. But you didn't count on tripping and knocking over a metal tray that was on the nightstand, causing a ruckus loud enough to make him jump awake.

"Trying to run away before twelve, Cinderella?" he asked, with a raspy voice and a sleepy smile.

“Let's not make a big drama out of this. I'll just go,” you answered, slightly uncomfortable. But when you tried to open the door, it was locked.

“First of all, we aren’t foolish enough to give thieves a free pass. And, secondly, you can't leave without having had some breakfast. Probably the only thing in your stomach is that cheap booze,” he said. Eddie stood up fully and stretched his arms up, allowing the shirt he was wearing to ride up just a little to reveal the edge of his boxers and his happy trail. Without you having wanted it, your eyes had already gone to those details and you were only grateful that he didn't notice “Feel free to take what you want. We have cereal, or eggs, or cereal, or a half-wilted banana, or cereal…”

"Cereal, I get it," you said, trying not to express too much. You didn't know why Eddie wasn't kicking you out of there or saying mean things to you yet, so you had to move carefully.

Eddie walked around yawning and rubbing his face with one hand while scratching his butt cheekily with the other. You stood in your spot and when he noticed he beckoned to you in annoyance.

“Are you deaf or what? Come sit down and have breakfast” he exclaimed, a little more like he normally sounded when he talked to you. You walked over and took the plate he gave you, as well as the box of Lucky Charms from which you poured yourself a portion.

Both of you began to eat in silence and although at first you took that as a sign that he was upset, the truth was that he really wasn't. He even looked nonchalant, eating huge spoonfuls as he read the label of a can lying around, completely oblivious to you. You decided to take advantage of the opportunity and finished your plate of food only to serve yourself another because he wasn't lying when he said that surely you only had alcohol in your body.

"Huh, thanks for breakfast" you answered when you finished, a little shy. You wondered if it would be a good idea to talk about what you had the night before and find out if that had changed his perception of you in any way. Or did you just want to know whether to expect an unfavorable reaction or forget it for peace “Do you mind if I use your phone? My mom is probably wondering where I am."

"Of course not, use it" he smiled. You walked over to it and called home, hoping someone would be available. It was heard that they picked up the phone and then a little voice.

"Yeah?"

"Hi, Amy" you laughed "I'm Y/N, is mommy around?"

“She's asleep” exclaimed the little girl “Where are you? Why didn't you come last night?"

"Something happened, I'm at the house of a..." for a moment you doubted that it was the right thing to say and out of the corner of your eye you could see that Eddie is looking at you "friend. If mom wakes up, can you tell her I'll be right back?"

"Okay"

“Thank you, flea. See you in a while"

"Goodbye," said the high-pitched voice and then the beeps sounded indicating that she had hung up.

You wiped your sweaty palms on your pants and turned to him, who didn't even pretend he hadn't been listening to your conversation.

“So we are friends”

“I couldn't tell her I was at the idiot from school's house,” you said, but he burst out laughing.

"I don't think that language is suitable for a girl of..."

"6 years"

"A girl of 6 years" he completed. You were silent for a moment, you looking everywhere except at him and with him seeing nothing but you.

"I guess I'll go, bye" although you rushed towards the exit, he was faster and managed to get in the way, forcing you to stop.

"Let me take you"

"I can walk"

"I realize that. But it's Saturday morning, it's cold, and you're hungover."

You had to admit that your whole body ached and the idea of ​​going in the car seemed very appealing, but you weren't going to allow yourself to owe someone like Eddie Munson any more favors.

"Still, I prefer to walk" you answered, so he gave up. He moved out of the way and looked for the key, in the tray that you had thrown at the beginning, to open the door and let you out "See you later"

"Be careful," he murmured. You had only walked to the porch when he spoke again "Y/N"

"Yes?"

“If one day you want to talk to someone you… you can ask me. I don't judge” he replied. You looked him straight in the eye looking for any sign of lying or an iota of mockery, but the truth is that you could only find sincerity in his gaze.

“You are not going to understand”

"I can try," he insisted. You just wanted him to keep quiet and pretend that nothing had happened. You didn't want him to feel sorry for you.

"Goodbye, Munson" you murmured, going down the stairs and walking on the grass without letting him say anything else.

The next time Eddie saw you, the vitality had returned to you. Although you still had those soft dark spots under your eyes, your face looked less worried and the eyes had returned to glow as they normally did. He assumed that the problems (or at least parts of them) had been resolved over the weekend.

And luckily it was because while you hadn't completely gotten rid of your father, you had managed to get him away with some help from Chief Powell and a threat of a restraining order. That was a relief for you and especially for your mother, so at least you were able to breathe more freely when you entered the school.

"What's up, loser?" you said as you walked past Eddie, taking him by surprise. You didn't stop to look at him, but he grinned at the sound of your voice and stayed that way for the rest of the class. From time to time, you caught him looking at you, and each time you raised your eyebrows at him, as if asking for an explanation, but he just laughed and shook his head. There was something different in the way he was looking at you as if something about you was funny, but you were very grateful that it wasn't some kind of pity or sadness for you.

The two of you didn't speak for the rest of the day, but you did share a couple of teases and smiles that lightened the mood. You kept sitting by yourself and reading the second half of Carrie while he climbed on tables and yelled at jocks.

After a couple of days Eddie came to school with his hair tied up and you were indignant when you noticed the piece of blue cloth that adorned his hair, but when you claimed it, he just laughed.

"I wanted a souvenir, can you blame me?" he murmured softly "Besides I look better than you"

"Oh sure," you said sarcastically, "He was my favorite, you know that?"

"I was going to give it to you, but now that you say you care so much, I think I've lost the urge," he exclaimed, smirking at you. From that day on he used the hair tie daily, sometimes in his hair and other times just on his wrist, but always bringing with him that part of you that he had stolen from you. You weren't going to admit it, but it hadn't bothered you as might be expected.

So time passed and things continued their course. The world went round and round without stopping to think about anyone and you had to learn to live with it.

One night Eddie heard about the party that Chance was throwing for the basketball team and everyone from school that he wanted to go to, so he packed his lunch box full of joints, cocaine, and whatever substances he had on hand to attend. He didn't like these people, but in the end, money was money.

When the boy arrived he was already packed with people and that made it easy for him to mingle with everyone. He would find a quiet corner of the house to sell and when it was all gone, he would go back to his trailer to sleep like a baby.

After selling a couple of things he decided he could smoke a cigarette just to lighten up the night and he almost choked on the smoke when he felt someone drop next to him on the couch and take the cigarette out of his mouth with two fingers.

"You don't mind sharing, do you?" you laughed, inhaling deeply on the tobacco and slapping the boy's thigh briefly. Eddie's eyes lingered for a second on the way your lips suckled and he inadvertently blushed. He thanked God the place was dark or you would have noticed.

"What are you doing here?" he muttered. You took the cigarette out of your lips and put it back on his before answering.

"Alcohol and drugs are free, remember?"

"Well, get drunk as much as you can because I won't give you an ounce of weed" he mocked. You were wearing a black midriff-baring top and ripped black jean pants, while Eddie had opted for a flannel shirt that must have belonged to Wayne, with blue jeans. Both he and you couldn't help but glance in appreciation.

"Then I don't have anything to do around here anymore," you said sadly. You were about to get up when he spoke again.

"And how have you been?"

“Since when do we ask each other personal questions?”

“I was just trying to be nice and see if you deserved something free, but if not, suck my dick”

“Oh, I don't think I could find it”

"Do you want to try?" he scoffed. But the closeness between you, the cigarette resting sweetly between his lips, and the deep voice he used made you a little tense.

"I have been fine. Existing” you admitted, in an attempt to divert the topic “And you? How's your lazy life going?"

"I'm doing fine," he replied, just as calmly. A couple of girls came over to shop and Eddie treated them politely just because they were pretty. As you listened to him talk to them you realized that he wasn't as clumsy at flirting as you had thought "I guess you'll stay here, huh?"

"If it doesn't bother you" you replied, taking his cigarette away again to take a drag "And if it bothers you too, I don't care."

You didn't talk about too much with Eddie, but that didn't mean you weren't having a good time with him. The scent of the only cigarette he had ever smoked was in your nostrils and mixed with a cheap but good-smelling cologne he wore.

When the lunch box was almost completely empty, Eddie slammed it shut and turned to you.

“Do you want to go outside for a smoke?” he asked him, raising his voice over the music someone had put on. You nodded and both of you walked towards the exit until at some point Eddie took your hand to avoid losing you. He was in the front, so you just let him drag you to a more secluded section outside. You ended up in a pool that was surrounded by a fence in a clear sign that you couldn't go there, but it meant nothing to him.

"Do you want a Marlboro or do you want marijuana?"

“Are you going to charge me?” you asked before and he smiled while he shook his head "Then give me a joint"

So he did, and when you placed it in your mouth, Eddie reached over to put it in the fire of a worn black lighter. You caught him looking at your lips, but you didn't say anything. Then he took off his tennis shoes and pulled his jeans up to his knees to put his feet in the pool, which you imitated after a while.

The two of you smoked until there was only a small butt left that you tossed aside and it didn't take long for the effects of the drug to kick in. You could see it in Eddie's narrowed eyes and the goofy smile he had, even though you were sure you looked the same.

"I like your toenails," he exclaimed, his words slow and soft as you gazed down at your own toes with electric blue nail polish.

"You're so high, Munson" you laughed, and then he joined you. Your head felt heavy, but you'd just be careful not to fall forward, or else you'd end up soaking wet. "I never thanked you for that night," you said suddenly. He turned to you to try to get a better look at you and unintentionally he leaned closer "So thanks I guess"

“I hope things have improved”

"Why are you suddenly being so nice to me?" you asked. Although that's supposed to make you happy, the phrase sounded more like a claim.

"What are you talking about?"

“I haven't heard you scoff once about that. You haven't even blamed me for what happened or told anyone, why?"

“Is that what you expect of me? What is an idiot who takes advantage of girls and makes fun of sensitive family situations? I thought you had a better idea of ​​me” he answered, sounding upset and hurt.

"You hate me"

"Oh come on, do you think that shit is serious?" Eddie asked, crossing his arms and frowning at you. “Maybe at first it was real hate, but we're not in middle school anymore. It's a kid thing."

"Then why do you always bother me?"

"Because it's fun. But I'm not cruel enough to mess with something I know hurts you. That's the job of guys like Jason” he argued, nodding towards the interior of the house “And you? Do you really hate me?"

"Maybe," you muttered, though the word sounded more like a question. "I mean, you're annoying."

"My love, there is a huge difference between someone being annoying and hating someone," he murmured. Eddie was too close to you, speaking only in whispers that smelled like what you just smoked “And if you really hated me, you wouldn't be here with me. You need passion to hate and you don't have it. I can see it in your eyes,” he said, exhaling this last sentence with something akin to pain. You didn't know what was happening to Eddie, but what you did know was that he was too close and it was making you nervous.

It's amazing how easily you decided you'd hate this man, you were second-guessing if it was truly worth doing. Being blinded by your supposed dislike for him had never let you notice that over the years he had become more attractive or that he was a sweet person. You didn't even know what you were feeling at the time, to be honest. You only knew that you were very high and that Eddie was sighing almost on your lips.

"So you're saying you never hated me?"

“You're still too maddening. Weeks ago, I could have vomited hearing you speak."

"And what made you change your mind so suddenly?" you asked in annoyance, while you rolled your eyes and took some distance.

"The night I picked you up," he answered. You turned around curiously, hoping he would have a more elaborate response than that. There was silence for a moment and then he spoke "That day I found out that you have feelings, to everyone's surprise" when he said this last, you tapped him lightly on the shoulder and he laughed "And I don't know... seeing you like that made me feel strange”

"I don’t want your pity"

"It's not a matter of pity, it's a matter of empathy," he said. You felt as if you were mesmerized by his huge brown eyes “We are social outcasts, you and I, and you know it perfectly. And it is very stupid that we are striving to maintain. We like the same things, we have the same ideas, we could be good friends if we put our minds to it, would that be so bad for you? Do you really despise me enough to deny yourself a chance to stop feeling lonely?”

You were silent for a moment, the thoughts in your head clumsily trying to sort themselves out. The water from your feet felt cold, your hands were sweaty and you wished with all your might that you hadn't smoked so that this conversation would be more coherent. But part of you also knew that if you weren't in that state, this would never have happened.

“And what are you suggesting? That we just pretend nothing happened and move on?"

“I could get over it, the worst thing you ever did to me was that time you put frogs in my backpack” he laughed, remembering and inevitably making you do too “But I don't think you're bad, just like I'm not. I just think we've carried on a pointless rivalry for so long that it's starting to feel unnecessary now,” he mused. You were still silent, now looking at the blue floor of the pool below you "Either that or you're completely obsessed with me and you can't face your feelings so that's why you bother me daily"

“Woah, stop there, the weed got too high in your brain,” you said between laughs, hearing him laugh too. This short moment you were sharing with him made you realize that it wasn't that unpleasant to be with him. In fact, it wasn't at all.

"Then? Shall we call a truce and join forces to save each other from ending up at the bottom of the social hierarchy?”

“I am at the bottom. You have friends"

“And they could be yours, too,” he said, gently, as he reached out his hand toward you, “Just throw away all these years of unwarranted hatred and start over. You know, like civilized people."

Was it that simple? So short was the step you had to take to end that distance that you yourselves had imposed?

"I doubt very much that you are a civilized person or that you ever have been" you smiled, at the same time that you reached out to take his hand "But it could work"

"It's nice when you're not being a grumpy bitch, don't you think?" he scoffed. In revenge you pushed him into the pool, but he wasted no time pulling you by the leg and giving you the same fate.

You splashed to annoy him and suddenly you were already in a water fight, laughing that your stomach hurt. Above you two the stars seemed to be shining brighter than any other night and the moon witnessed how the water washed away any grudge you had for each other. So, for a brief moment, the whole world was just him and you.

Even though Eddie didn't become your best friend overnight, you were making progress. The first few days you tried (really yes) to stop being rude to each other, but it was something so decisive for your relationship that you couldn't put it aside. Of course, over time the insults were accompanied by smiles or winks from the boy as a silent signal that you were just kidding.

After a few weeks Eddie had already introduced you to his friends and to your surprise they liked you. Most of them were younger than him and you even met the one responsible for him rescuing you from the drunken mess you had been. His name was Robin, he was so nice and it amused you to hear her tangle with her own words.

You remembered Steve Harrington from early High school and although at first you were reluctant to talk to him, when you finally did you realized that he had changed a lot since that time. He was less cocky and even a little dumber. But in a cute way, of course.

But the one you were getting to know the most, obviously, was Eddie. During classes sometimes you would have an exchange of words or he would make you smile. You had found out that he was also a big Lord of the Rings fan and once you spent almost an hour talking about just that. Contrary to what you expected he was quite intelligent and that helped for another couple of deeper talks.

A couple of months was enough for you to be invited to sit permanently with the Hellfire club. You had fit in well with the group and they were a lot of fun, always managing to make you feel good even on the worst days. A part of you was very grateful for this change, because whenever a gray cloud wanted to settle, one of the people around you would blow it away from you. Sometimes unintentionally, other times intentionally.

You were even invited to one of Corroded Coffin's glamorous concerts and a part of you thought that Eddie looked hot playing guitar, but you wanted to take that thought straight to the grave if possible. But the problem was that those kinds of thoughts came more frequently than you would have liked. He was an extremely physical person and most of the time he was touching you in some way, whether it was putting his arm around your shoulders in a friendly way or moving you to the side by his palm on your waist, or whatever else occurred to him. the. Sometimes he would even come up behind him when you were sitting and he would massage your shoulders to entertain himself while you melted at his touch.

And of course you weren't the only one feeling this way, Eddie also suffered his own ordeal every time you took the pack of cigarettes from the back pocket of his jeans or when you were upset and confronted him, your face so close to his that it was difficult for him to find a valid argument to defend himself.

But, as always, both of you thought that it was best to do what you had agreed to from the beginning. Forget and move on.

"Your final work will be in pairs, please be quiet so you can hear your name" spoke the art teacher, trying to be heard above all the noise. You liked the class (even though you weren't the most skilled) so you hoped you'd get a good classmate. You looked around for someone you had a preference for; Stephanie was very good at painting, but Linda was better at drawing. There was another boy, Marcus, who was also quite skilled and who you wouldn't mind working with. You waited patiently until the professor murmured your last name and listened for the next "With Munson."

Your neck turned to see the aforementioned and you frowned in an expression of annoyance mixed with disappointment, while he smiled broadly.

"Soooo" you heard behind you, once the class ended, while an arm was around your shoulders "Your place or mine?"

“Can't we each make a part and then put them together? I don't need to spend more hours than necessary around you” you complained, just to annoy him.

"My house then," he continued, ignoring you.

"It's stupid, of so many people there, why did he have to play us together?"

"Fate, baby," Eddie muttered, shrugging. You had science in the next hour and you knew he was going to go to another room. "At 5?" he asked and you nodded. It was lucky it was Friday, otherwise you wouldn't have been able to accept "Don't be late!" he told you, pointing a finger at you as he headed down the hall.

You only had time to eat and nap at home before walking to Eddie's house, the sound of Kate Bush filling your ears. You had met her thanks to a red-haired girl named Max, whom you had once helped. Well, helped is a saying, because she was being picked on by some guys and you thought you could defend her, but when you got closer, she already had one pinned, so you just took care of the other one. Then you found out that she was friends with Dustin too and that she lived in the same park as Eddie, so you talked to her from time to time and that's how you ended up meeting her favorite singer. In fact, when you arrived, she was feeding a stray dog ​​and you were able to wave to her.

You knocked on the trailer door three times but no one answered so you started banging on it repeatedly and loudly, waiting for him to deign to open it for you. But you were surprised when the door was opened by a tired-looking older man.

“Huh, hi,” you said, suddenly feeling embarrassed at the way you'd been knocking on the door. “Sorry to bother you. I came with Eddie, for a school project "

“Ah, there you are” you suddenly heard. It was him, who saw you from behind him "Just in time" he laughed, looking at the watch on his wrist "Wayne she is my partner, her name is Y/N. Y/N, he's my Uncle Wayne."

“It is a pleasure to meet you. Sorry for knocking so loud."

"Since when do you apologize for being annoying?"

“Eddie, don't be rude” his uncle scolded him, before you could say anything “Welcome, make yourself at home. I'll go to town for a few things, but you guys have fun”

Goodbye Wayne. Be careful” exclaimed the boy, coming forward to hug the man. You didn’t know that he was so affectionate and you smiled in a way that wasn't burlesque, but like tenderness.

"I'll be back in a while," he said and then walked out the door. Family ties weren't something you and Eddie had talked about openly but the fact that he lived with his uncle made you imagine that he too had his own difficult history. But you weren't going to pressure him into telling you anything if he didn't want to.

“Did you bring your material?”

“What you asked me for and a couple of dry paints that my siblings had”

"That will do," he laughed, as he shrugged. He looked quite comfortable and the clothes he was wearing were already worn, but for some reason they seemed soft. “We can go to my room if you want. It will be more comfortable that way” he suggested, so you took a couple of steps and followed him down the hall. You had only been there once, but now it looked cleaner and you couldn't help but make fun of it. Eddie didn't say anything, he just laughed and flopped onto the newly made mattress “I was thinking maybe we could use that finger painting technique and objects and all that. The one we saw last week."

"It could work," you said cheerfully. You took a curious look around the place and Eddie smiled when he noticed.

"What are you thinking about the view?"

"That looks like a virgin's room," you said without a filter and when you realized it Eddie was already laughing out loud.

"I love that you are so transparent with what you think" he replied amused, but without denying or affirming what you just said "You should spend less time criticizing me and more time focused on what needs to be done"

"I know, I know. I'm sorry” you murmured raising your hands. Eddie pulled out a box of art supplies that he had and you were surprised to see some figures that you assumed were for his Dungeons and Dragons club. You assumed that the drawings on the wall were his too and you were impressed, they really were good.

It was about an hour with you guys discussing what you wanted to do and Eddie making some sketches until the last one convinced you and you finally got to work. You were honestly having fun, because the technique was pretty messy and he had lent you a shirt to wear over yours so you wouldn't get dirty. Plus, he'd let you pick out a cassette to put on the stereo, and he'd given you a free beer he had in the fridge.

"You're ruining everything!" he screeched, trying to push you away from the painting. The truth was that you weren't screwing anything up, but he just wanted an excuse so he could get close to you and hear you laugh. Eddie didn't understand why, but lately he was enjoying both.

"Munson!" you yelled back. A small fight developed between you, but it was just powerless slapping.

You stayed like that for a while, none of you wanting to give in, just messing around like a couple of kids who want to have the last word. Once you calmed down, Eddie looked at you breathlessly and noticed a peculiar detail.

"You have something here," he said, pointing to his own right cheek.

"Here?" you asked innocently, carving your fingers over the skin. But you had only succeeded in staining yourself more.

“Yeah, but you—” Eddie began, cutting himself off with a laugh at the green paint on your face “You're the worst at cleaning yourself, just give me that, you silly" he muttered amused, reaching a little to take a handkerchief that he had lying around and putting one hand on your jaw while the other was in charge of rubbing the stain "This is the second once,” he complained, with a tiny smile.

His grip on him was careful and his movements against your cheek gentle. He was so close to you that you could feel your knee hitting his and you looked anywhere but at him in a desperate attempt not to freak out. Even so, out of the corner of your eye you managed to notice the tip of his tongue placed on his lower lip as a sign of concentration and a hint of a smile escaped you.

He was probably cleaning you up longer than necessary, but when he finally finished you turned to look at him, and although you wanted to say something mocking the words got stuck in your throat. Eddie was still holding your chin and after a few seconds he began to gently slide his thumb over your skin while he watched you closely. You could feel his breath hitting your nose and you honestly didn't know what it was that had him so enthralled. But unintentionally, you too got a little lost in his rounded features and bright eyes that you never took the time to appreciate. Although that wasn't the worst, the worst was when you caught your friend blatantly staring at your lips. You knew you had to tell him something, anything, but you didn't feel capable of doing it because you were sincerely enjoying the way he looked at you; as if you were something forbidden... or something desirable, which was even better. Unconsciously your eyes also dropped to his plump lips and you wondered if they felt as soft as they looked. He didn't have a trace of a beard, a sign that he had shaved in the morning with the cream you were smelling thanks to your proximity. Eddie's hand gently tugged at your chin and you obediently lifted your face to where he meant to take you. It was clear you were going straight for his lips, but with an inch to go Eddie suddenly released you and stepped away from him. Then a scandalous sneeze.

Nerves combined with surprise made you giggle, which then turned into laughter.

"I'm so sorry," he apologized, actually looking sorry.

"Are you trying to tell me I smell bad?" you dared to say to cut the tension, making him imitate your laughter.

Both of you knew perfectly well what was going to happen had it not been for the interruption of that sneeze and that was why your cheeks had turned a deep red and you avoided looking at each other. The distance was no longer so short, which allowed you to think more clearly.

“We should continue with the work, we are almost done”

“Huh, yes. You're right,” Eddie exclaimed, trying his hardest not to stutter.

You were quiet from then on, just listening to the songs filling the room and concentrating on painting your own section of the canvas in front of you. From time to time, you looked up to see him and were grateful that your eyes never met, even when Eddie was doing the same.

You were too worried to figure out what the hell that meant. You could have guessed the boy's intentions from the beginning, with the simple fact of your fingers holding his face, but still you let him do it, and not only that but you also helped. A very deep part of you had felt eager and aroused to close the distance and see what he had to offer you. But why? That was the real question.

“I think it turned out really well for us,” you said, after admiring the final product of your work “Considering we did it in a couple of hours and using mostly our fingers” you added, hearing him laugh.

"I'll put it on the shelf to dry and bring it back Monday," he informed you, to which you nodded. It was already dark and you had nothing else to do there, so you thought of your only logical option: leave.

“I have to go home, but see you later”

“Do you want me to come with you?” Eddie exclaimed, almost immediately, "I can't give you a ride because there's something wrong with the van and I'm going to check it out this weekend, but I could still walk you if you want."

This was the second time he was offering to share a little more time after being at his house and you knew you'd regret it if you said no again, so you agreed. He seemed quite happy and only had to put on his tennis shoes and a big black sweatshirt to be ready. When you left the trailer Max was also leaving his and just as you did when you arrived, you also said goodbye. She didn't say anything, but she would make sure to tell her friends that she had seen you out with Eddie that night.

Your house was so far from the trailer park, so you and he would be together for about a half hour, by your calculations.

"Did you hear Iron Maiden announced a new album?" he said to break the ice. That was enough for you two to start talking (as almost every time) about music. Eddie had both hands in the pocket of his sweatshirt and was walking more shyly than usual, maintaining a goofy grin most of the time.

Months ago you wouldn’t have imagined that you would be walking so happily by his side, so it was still a bit overwhelming at times. But you liked him a lot, Eddie was a good person despite everything and he could tell that he cared about you, otherwise he wouldn't be wasting his time bringing you home.

Suddenly Eddie started talking about a very funny anecdote with Robin, but the way he talked about her was so animated and loving that you felt a tug in your chest that you didn't understand why. You stopped listening for a second because of the idea that had crossed your mind and you had the urge to express.

"You like her?" you asked suddenly. Eddie snapped shut and looked at you with a frown.

“Robin?” he said and you nodded. After this he let out a laugh "It wouldn't work, believe me"

"But do you like her?" you insisted, not wanting to stick with a half answer.

"Why so much interest?" he scoffed, nudging you friendly with his shoulder, while you rolled your eyes.

“If you don't want to answer me that's fine, I don't care. I was just curious,” you snorted. Eddie seemed very amused by the whole thing and was looking down at you with a wide grin.

“She likes someone else and even though she's a great friend, she’s not my type at all. So no, I don't like her” he replied. You nodded softly, not knowing what else to say, when suddenly his arm was entwined with yours and he pulled you closer to him. "Are you jealous?" he asked playfully against your ear.

"What? Why should I be?" you exhaled indignantly, trying to get away from him, but instead of letting go, he put his arm around your shoulders. His hair reached your cheeks and his body was so warm that you were about to ask him to stop so you could hug him properly.

But that was unthinkable, how could you feel or think that kind of thing for him? It wasn't right, was it?

"I can walk alone from here if you want," you said, after a few minutes of being silent. His arm hadn’t left your body until that moment.

"Are you sure? It looks kind of dark,” he exclaimed, glancing at the streets beyond.

"I'll be fine. Thank you for having me…” you started to say, but you were interrupted when you saw a car passing by. Without thinking twice, you grabbed Eddie's sleeve and pulled him to a tall, leafy tree that was out there, letting his body cover you.

"What's going on?"

"It's my dad" you whispered. Eddie sensed your fear and leaned closer to you, crushing you between his hard trunk and his soft body, while you placed both palms of your hands on his chest. "I don't want him to see me”

"Okay, no problem," he said to reassure you, while he tried to hide you as best as possible from the sight of anyone who passed by. He suddenly thought there was a better way to do it and he used both arms to pull you into a hug, which you didn't refuse. You felt safe with the contact and the softness of the fabric of his sweatshirt was most comforting. After a while you raised your head over his shoulder and realized that, although it was the same car, it wasn't your father.

"It's a neighbor," you informed Eddie, breathing a sigh of relief and resting your cheek against his shoulder as you laughed.

Now that that worry was gone you realized the position you were in and tensed up a bit. The man's palms were planted firmly on your back and there was zero distance between you, so when you raised your head, you almost brushed his lips. Almost.

"Are you okay?"

"Yes," you hummed, looking into his eyes. The feeling of heat running through your entire body returned to you and your breathing quickened considerably "I was just scared, but everything is fine" you exclaimed laughing "I'm sorry"

"Don't apologize, it's fine," he insisted, with such gentleness in his voice that it made you shiver. One of his hands went up your side and brushed your hair away from the side of your face, then rested on your cheek. "Maybe this isn't the best time to say it, but I think it's pretty."

"What?"

“Your smile,” he said. The truth had taken you by surprise that answer and the only thing you could do was frown in confusion.

"What?" you repeated, this time with a higher, more nervous voice. You were so, so close to him that it wasn’t necessary to speak more than whispers.

“Your smile is pretty. You're pretty” he continued, completely oblivious to the blush you already had on your cheeks while you panicked. You had completely forgotten about the scare you had been through, now all your attention was on the way Eddie was approaching you.

Your palms were still on his body and if you wanted you could push him away, but you didn't have the willpower to do so. On the contrary, you were slowly stretching upwards. You couldn't think, you couldn't speak or react coherently at that moment, all your mind could process was the urgent need you had for Eddie Munson's lips. So when he moved the last bit of distance you held back a gasp and when he finally kissed you both of you exhaled shakily.

The contact began sweet and careful, so slow that it allowed you to explore all the sensations. His lips tasted like the beer you'd been drinking, the skin where your hands were felt warmer than usual, and ungraspable strands of his hair tickled you. You had your eyes closed and still with some shyness he slid his hand down your neck until he reached the nape of your neck, in an attempt to deepen (but not too much) the contact. So you did and by inertia your hands ended up at the base of his neck, trying to hold him in the kindest way you could.

Eddie pressed your body against the tree and took the opportunity to slide his tongue along the contour of your lips, like a silent request that you agreed to without hesitation. You discovered that he was a skilled kisser and you regretted ever judging him so harshly because right now he was achieving the ideal balance of being tender and driving you crazy at the same time.

You didn't want to cut off contact for fear of taking back what you were doing, so when you got short of breath you parted slightly and then you kissed again. His taste was making you dizzy and you were thanking God you were leaning against a surface, otherwise you would have fallen straight to the floor because of your shaky legs.

“Eddie” you managed to say, after what seemed like an eternity. But this, more than stopping him, encouraged the boy to continue leaving short and fleeting kisses on your mouth.

"Say it again"

"Say what?" You managed to ask between kisses.

"My name. I like how it sounds on you” he confessed, getting you to put on a smirk.

"Edward?"

"No," he said, in a quiet voice, almost like a tantrum "I feel like you're scolding me when you say that"

"So Eddie?" you asked joining your lips almost afterward. You managed to get up a little and take him by the neck of his sweatshirt to reverse positions without stopping kissing him at any time "Eddie..." you started to say, stealing a deep kiss "Eddie, Eddie, Eddie" you continued, between more kisses, as if you wanted to recover at that moment all the times you had called it something else. He thought his man sounded like a song coming from your lips, especially when you were whispering it over his.

You were completely beside yourself, just succumbing to the carnal desires that were buried deep within you for a long time, until you had the strength to stop and look at him. He had red cheeks, pupils shining widely in both eyes, and lips swollen completely. Luckily for you, you didn't feel regret at first glance.

"Wow," he exhaled. You couldn't think of another expression to describe what had just happened and when he started laughing out of sheer nerves you imitated him. Eddie removed his hand from the nape of your neck to lower it to your back, at waist level, while you rested your grip on the fabric of his clothing.

"That was strange"

"You don’t like me?"

"Yeah, it just felt… strange" you laughed and as you did you leaned in a little closer to him "I mean, I didn't think we… I never thought we'd ever get to kiss"

"I like spontaneity," he joked, chuckling. To be honest he felt as if he had just run a marathon, full of adrenaline and excitement, but also very nervous about what just happened could mean for you. 

"So…" you started to say, one of your hands fiddling with the chain of the necklace Eddie always wore, "That time you said it bothered you because I couldn't face my feelings you were actually talking about yourself, huh?” you scoffed, seeing him get even more flushed than he already was. "Who would have thought?"

"It’s not like this"

"Since when do you know?"

"Know what?"

"That you are completely obsessed with me" you continued, moving a little closer to provoke him.

"You wish I was!" he laughed as he took you by the wrists and pulled you away a bit. But in the middle of this maneuver, he managed to steal a kiss from you that made you smile.

"Your words and your actions aren’t very congruent, Munson" you joked again. You hadn't stopped touching each other at any time "I really have to go home or my mom is going to worry"

"Let me accompany you"

"No," you said, in a soft but determined voice "I don't..." you started to say, feeling the young man's attentive gaze "Maybe you can come later, yes?"

"Okay," he exclaimed sympathetically, as he let go of your hands and took a step back. Although you had said that you had to leave, you weren’t making the slightest effort to get away, because you wanted to talk to him first. You had discovered in recent months that this served to clarify things and avoid sorrow.

"I don't know why you kissed me, but I liked it," you said absently, hoping to cause some impact or an answer with that, but when you didn't hear him say anything you spoke again "See you Monday"

“I like you” he murmured, as if he had been thinking deeply during those seconds “I didn't know before, but now I do and I wanted you to know too. If that means anything” he timidly confessed to you. You took a step and, as if you hadn't had enough, planted a small kiss on him that made him smile.

"I think you're fucking cute, but sometimes I can't stand you"

“I can shut up if my mouth is busy. Effective and fast”

"You're crazy if you think I'll keep kissing you just like that"

"What if I ask you to be my girlfriend?" he asked, so quickly that he didn't realize it until the words had left his mouth. You crossed your arms and looked him up and down, analyzing the candidate.

"Ask me and then we'll see" you replied playfully. You really couldn't waste any more time “Bye, Eddie. Be careful, please."

"Good night," he murmured. The two of you headed off in opposite directions and when you had gone a few meters you felt the need to look back, only to discover that he had done the same "Love you" he blurted out suddenly, a little louder than normal so you could hear him. 

You bit your lip to contain the excited smile that threatened to appear.

"Love you" you replied too, waving goodbye.

You weren’t lying when you said that you never imagined that something like this would happen between you. Eddie wasn’t a person you planned to be in your future and yet there you were, wishing with all your heart that he would keep his promise so you could be more than just friends. Friends, he and you were fucking friends, and to top it off you just kissed him. That sounded so unreal.

You entered the house with the biggest smile of all and butterflies fluttering strongly around your stomach, now knowing that what you felt for Eddie Munson was nothing more than love.

TAG LIST: @sweetdayme4427 @smol-book-nerd @ilikewomendealwithit @harringt8ns @katsukis1wife @ilovereadingfanfics

[mdhwrites]

I feel part of the reason toh is hold in such high standart over series of the same demographic is how fast it abandons the episodic format in favor of a more serialized vibe. I have noticed lately that audiences have come to see episodic as the lesser form of storyteling in comparation to serial, and unlike series like amphibia that remain episodic the vast mayority of their runtime, toh feels very serial in his later half even if it still holds an episodic format for most of s2. People like that didn't bother them with 'silly & inconsecuental' episodic adventures more than other shows. There's a reason some people skip most of s1 of amphibia and a big part of that is how episodic it is.

Okay so this is going to get wild because I'm going to seem incredibly critical of filler but I want to make something clear here: Filler is flavor. As a writer, I'm actually happy that I personally think I've been adding MORE filler to my stories. There's a reason I have a good number of reviews on my early books commenting how surprised people were that I get a LOT done with a low word count after all.

But let's first define Filler. It actually refers to non-canon material in anime which... makes sense actually. The issue with filler arcs, even the good ones, in anime are that you have to reset to zero afterwards for the sake of being able to keep in line with whatever the mangaka creates eventually.

But how does that translate to Western animation where the director for a given show is effectively its mangaka? Well... It's complicated but many will position themselves as it being anything not critical to the plot, themes and core elements of the show. Put a pin in the phrasing I use there.

With that being the definition though, how much of TOH do you have to see to grasp its core narrative? Well...

A Lying Witch and a Warden simply to be introduced to the main three characters and for the setup.

The Intruder so as to learn about the curse.

Covention so as to learn about Lilith and Eda's relationship as well as the Coven system.

And then Agony of a Witch/Young Blood Old Souls to see resolution to the curse and the destruction of the portal door.

And if you're going "What about-"

What about anything else? Amity doesn't develop Luz's character in any way that changes her actions in the finale, though arguably at all in general. Gus and Willow appear in the finale and Covention but you don't need to be introduced to them. As far as the plot is concerned, "Luz's friends" is literally all you need to know and you don't need a full episode's introduction to that. Lilith and Eda's relationship starts catty and slightly childish and competitive and the last thing they do before the finale? Play a Grudgby Match that Eda would have probably tricked Lilith out of having to pay the consequences for if she'd lost... Literally just like back in Covention but less dramatic. Literally NONE of these elements matter to the story of TOH.

It gets WORSE for S2/3. Hunter's whole character payoff is in Belos' Backstory... Which doesn't matter. The Collector never matters. Going to Earth doesn't matter. Hell, the portal does so little to progress ANYTHING but Lumity, that it doesn't matter. The episodes that matter are:

Elsewhere Elsewhen because Luz is the main character so knowing the context for her angst arc is important, even if her angst arc goes literally nowhere. You might think this means Yesterday's Lie but the promise in that literally doesn't matter as her angst is unrelated and not about the promise. She wants to stay in the human realm for other reasons, rendering Yesterday's Lie and Vee pointless... Except this episode is pointless because the reveal of Belos as Philip is the only part that matters which-

Hollow Mind: Is done properly here to the cast as the one in Elsewhere Elsewhen only is to the audience and so demanded that it be done a second time, harming this one's reveal. You won't know as many specifics but as Luz claims the light glyph was part of her sin when we see literally no evidence of him knowing the light glyph matters... Yeah, the writers didn't care about the specifics either.

Edge of the World: I almost included Echoes of the Past because that introduces this issue but it's so different from how King is for 80% of S1 that really what you need to know is that King is the Titan's son. Not even that he himself as a Titan as King is not important to the story of TOH. Only the fact that he is related to the thing that will allow Luz to beat Belos matters to the story of TOH.

And then Watching and Dreaming for S3... Because Luz confronting Belos in King's Tide doesn't matter. It's not like it even weakens Belos in a substantial way and King releasing the Collector doesn't matter either. Moments like "I want to be understood!" in the first two parts of S3 don't matter to Luz's character because they actively make the dream sequence at the start of the finale worse because the show is still mining the same conflict for Luz that it has been since Hollow Mind. Luz's friends and Hexide are barely in the finale, you're only missing out on caring about them during the epilogue and despite skipping over Harpy Eda, Harpy Eda barely matters to Eda's character, same goes for Raine.

That's the thing with people claiming filler as much as they do online. They POSITION themselves to be about plot and narrative. About getting down to just what matters. If they were being honest, they'd admit that most of what they call filler is because it doesn't cover elements they care about. The Plantars are main characters of Amphibia but many who criticize filler in Amphibia explicitly don't give a shit about the frogs. A lot of them skipped S1 because it focused on the frogs and Anne was rougher...

But that's also why VERY little of S1 of Amphibia IS filler. I would argue it's more serialized, just in a more classic manner of making old elements eventually important, because the development of its characters and the push and pull the characters have about change versus who they are and how to handle change is important to the payoffs of the series overall. Hop Pop's Noir episode? Actively talking about things that will come up even in the FINALE of the series. Anne learning to ride Bessie? Teaches her about learning the quirks of others and the importance of doing something right instead of wanting instant gratification.

And instant gratification is what TOH is all about... Ruining its serialization. Like I pointed out with Lilith: Eda and hers relationship starts as sympathetic towards Eda and NEVER CHANGES. What if in Covention, Eda had to be saved and over the course of S1, we saw Lilith softening so the tragedy of Agony of a Witch hit harder as Lilith decided to go back to who she was. To do anything for the Coven... And thus make Belos' betrayal SO MUCH WORSE?

Luz starts as a genuinely good person. Hell, she regresses over the course of the series as in Young Blood, Old Souls, she chooses that sacrificing one life isn't worth her safety or her potentially not screwing up... And then condemns an entire world to death when she chooses not to go back in Thanks to Them. She doesn't learn and grow and her relationships are shaky at best. They also arguably do a poor job at pushing the themes of TOH because TOH struggles to keep consistent with its themes. If it's about community, why is the EC purely demonized instead of trying to be rallied so Hunter doesn't have to lose his community? If it's about self expression, why do both Hunter and Amity end up being clones of past generations where Amity is just her father, right down to being subservient to the girl who enchanted them in High School, and Hunter is just Caleb? If it's about individuality and creativity versus rigidity and order, why don't Amity, Gus or Willow ever actually pick up a second coven or just in general, why aren't the covens treated as the illegal thing they are instead of college? This is why I say TOH struggles with theme because it's all about wish fulfillment for Luz and how she's just the greatest person in existence who never had to change and grow which is a pretty shit theme.

BUT

With all of that said, TOH would be WAY worse without the filler... Because Filler is Flavor. Amity adds a lot of good to the show in S1. Hunter adds good flavor to S2. Raeda is neat. I honestly wish I had more good to say about Gus or Willow because their episodes are genuinely filler as they don't make the world more interesting, usually make it genuinely worse, and are kind of boring in general with their episodes. Or repetitive for that matter. Lilith and Eda though? I still like that Grudgby match they have, even if it's derivative because it's fun and it's neat to see different sides of these characters.

Honestly, I kind of wish My Adventures with Superman had MORE filler. Just more time to breathe and just enjoy these characters being kind of quirky or fun or just neat. Not everything needs to feel breakneck. If it's plot time all the time, an issue for S2D of TOH where after Hollow Mind everything is EXHAUSTING, then you never get a chance to breathe. Never get a chance to just enjoy the world and explore it.

I just wish there was more to explore with TOH but it's too busy not caring about its own elements or making an interesting world to explore anything. Not anything explore anything besides how clever it thinks it is. Just like how people think it's clever for claiming to be serialized when it really isn't.

After all: How much of green haired Amity do you really need to see in order to understand Purple Haired Amity? Like people kept pointing out: Would you believe these two are even the same character?

Does it even matter? For a serialized story, it should have and that's why TOH isn't serialized.

[blaiddfailcam]

With all this obnoxious argumentation over who's more toxic in Elden Ring PvP (none of you are reaching heaven, actually), I've been thinking about what a misstep it was to strip covenants away and reduce PvP to just "3 good guys vs. 1 bad guy." I think the balancing is fine, tbh, but it's just the way it caters to the dumbest people in the world trying to portray themselves as valiant heroes in a game that's devoid of honor.

I definitely didn't like the way covenant rewards were handled in previous games, though, so now I wonder if it would've been cooler if your story progression impacted your covenant, and that certain zones would be protected/assaulted by certain factions. At least then players would be nudged toward engaging with the invasion mechanic to defend their turf, so to speak, from other hosts—a function they could activate/deactivate just like the hunters' ring.

Better yet, this way they might be able to utilize the AI pawn system they developed for Fia's Champions/Warriors of the Jar so that even players who kinda suck at PvP could still ascend their covenant in a more engaging way than farming a single enemy over and over. The basis was right there with the Volcano Manor requests...

Anyway I'm still gonna keep blending and getting blended as an invader in the meantime lol

[crimeronan]

Ngl, but I’m thinking about raine adopting Luz in the princess AU, and the potential raeda reunion that’s just like

Eda: why did you adopt literally the empress? What happened to anarchy??

Raine: okay, but consider - she killed the first guy to protect her guy, is working to dismantle the empire as we speak, and also is just. So traumatized. She’s mine now.

Eda, already wearing a ‘proud new mama’ shirt: cool, makes sense

SCREAM. i was actually talking to my partners about EXACTLY THIS the other day, because like. god. an ao3 commenter (if you're on tumblr too lmk) mentioned that once luz becomes empress, lilith will For Sure approach her and ask her to heal eda's curse. WHICH HAS MADE ME !!!!!!! FOR DAYSSSS

like. luz has No Fucking Idea how to do that, but

1) she wants to keep lilith on her side, since Not Alienating The Leader Of The Emperor's Coven is a pretty solid priority

2) she has to maintain the illusion that the titan "chose" her (while unaware that.... honestly the titan IS choosing her. not because of belos but just on her own merit. the titan can however only do so much)

3) she already plans to build bridges & mend fences with wild witches as one of the first steps toward dismantling the entire coven system... so why NOT work with the most wanted woman in the isles?? eda is symbolic of resistance and her wisdom might help luz fast-track the changes she wants

so i just imagine like. luz shows up at the owl house with lilith to extend a peace offering & eda is immediately just like "LMAOOOOOOO YOU WISHHHHH. DIE" and slams the door on both of them. because of how eda is as a person

and then RAINE comes over without any prompting on luz's part like "okay. look. i know we're estranged and you have no reason to care about my opinion anymore. but the empress is not like the emperor. can you Please hear her out"

eda: i really feel like you're being mind controlled rn. and i can't tell if it's the whole pro-empire thing or the talking-to-eda thing that's freaking me out worse

raine: oh for FUCK'S-

eventually after some testy back-and-forth eda's like "fine. i will let her inside to have a conversation. ONCE"

then she and luz end up talking for well over an hour & when luz finally emerges, raine is like ".....how did it go??"

eda: she's....... nice.

raine: and that's..... a bad thing??

eda: it's fine. she's fine. like i said. she's nice

raine: eda. you look like you swallowed a lemon

eda: I DON'T LIKE IT!!!!!!!!!

[absolutebl]

This Week In BL - I’m All Over The Place & Sarcastic About It

Nov 2022 Wk 1

Being a highly subjective assessment of one tiny corner of the interwebs. Organized by which ones (in each category) I’m enjoying the most.

Ongoing Series - Thai

My Only 12% (Fri iQIYI) 13 of 14 - Cake is such a bratty seme. And we got incandescently happy boyfriends for half an episode, and then Earth gets to cry. Earth always cries. Good thing he’s pretty at it. I do actually like the noona romance. Sometimes even the hets get to me. Because I'm a sap. And I love a pining younger man. I actually really really loved the bit at the end with the two mothers. It’s really rare to see that level of older adult character representation and close female friendship in a BL.

Big Dragon (Sat Gaga) 5 of 8 - Oh, I knew this was going to get rough but I didn’t think they would actually fist fight. It’s interesting that this one is up against Falanruk, because I hated the two player system in that one, but I’m fine with it in this show. There’s a touch of TharnType or maybe more KinnPorsche with Mangkorn & Yai, that they pivot so quickly from violence to sex, hate to passion. Real enemies to lovers with all that bottled up passion destined to explode one way or the other. The sex in this show is similarly treated as a kind of violence, in a kinky way. Also it’s v high heat. But from a romance thread standpoint? The way these two are dodging about each other is just frustrating. Also... NO SINGING! 

Ai Long Nhai (Mon iQIYI) 6 of 10 - Baby’s first jealousy. But omg is this show slow. I think it’s fair for Ai to want Nhai to actually say something positive about their relationship. I like that these 2 talk fully about sex before having it. And now it’s a secret relationship. (I do keep imagining what Mike & TT would have done with these roles.) Oh HI Games! (Second Chance). Cutie! This sudden side dish is v good, gimme MOAR? CRUMBS. @heretherebedork​ CRUMBS! 

Ghost Host, Ghost House (Weds YouTube) 5 of 8 - Wait, who are these girls allasudden? I guess they are Kewin’s fag hags? I suppose every good gay does need a coven? Especially if ghosts are involved.

Makes me wonder who I’d draft for my BL coven... hum. I sense a meme coming on.

Remember Me (Sun Gaga) 4 of 12 - Mean’s wig is so terrible. Yes, I realize that’s intentional. But still, too distracting. Props shouldn’t be required to do your comedic acting for you, honey. I really do like the actor who plays Champ, and I really want him to lead out his own BL. (If he wants to of course.) I’m so glad JaFirst are finally occupying the screen together. They’re just that much better when they’re TOGETHER. 

Love in the Air (Thurs iQIYI) 12 of 13 These two do heat so well. Ugh but the dairy reading “reconciliation” scene was truly gross. This show. Why is the villian the seme? Look, sorry Thailand, Japan can do this, you just... can’t. It’s clumsy and makes anyone with half an empathy uncomfortable. - DUMPSTER FIRE TRASH WATCH ALONG HERE.

Hard Love Mission (Sat WeTV) 3 of 4fin - Phenomenally dull Thai pulp about a journalist sent to interview a celebrity who ends up his manager, only 4 episodes and it still could’ve been shorter. It’s a bummer, the concept wasn’t bad. ALSO Chinese censorship got its gross mitts all over it (thank you, Tencent). Do not waste your time. I DON'T KNOW WHAT I’M WATCHING AND NEITHER DOES IT 3/10 

Work from Heart (Thurs YouTube) 7fin - Just lovely, all the hets are getting married! How rare and special of them. How lucky they are. But I have no idea what’s going on with our leads. It’s very Romeo & Romeo allasudden. And the grandpa is v confusingly evil. Great chemistry, but like Check Out, just a terrible story and an ultimately unfathomable BL. 4/10 FATALLY FLAWED

Ongoing Series - Not Thai

My Tooth Your Love (Taiwan Fri Viki) 5 of 12 - These leads! Best example of the pillow clutch trope ever? I think so. World’s most gentle flirts. Seriously: The Ache. We dealing with some serious abandonment issues. Meanwhile, in the land of May/December, baby boy kabedon is my kryptonite! (Also the name of my indie band’s first single.) I identify WAY too much with the bartender character. He pretty much opens his mouth and says what I’m thinking 90% of the time. 

“Someone’s lack of defenses can be so overwhelming.” - Best BL quote of 2022? May be. 

Choco Milk Shake (Korea Strongberry Tues YT) 3-4 of 10 - postponed until next week. Read about why here. 

Roommates of Poongduck 304 (Korea Thurs Viki) 7-8fin. Ah regrets after a drunken gay pass. Also: killer confrontation confession scene with them both so torn and confused and hurt and unsure! Brilliant. It’s so cute after, with them soft & cute with each other as experimental bfs. JaeYun having fangirls was adorbs, and HoJoon dealing with the resulting jealousy was fun to watch. Also HoJoon is so gone and so inept and uncool about it. And then JaeYoon learns who HoJoon really is. Man this show moves FAST. Ah KBL. I wish we had more time with these characters. I would have liked sweet bfs for longer. And Holland is back, such an adorable plot device. Hi, cutie! The reconciliation/confession was good. How much do I love that the final make-out scene was precipitated by the eroticism of informal language? SO MUCH. V linguistically sexy. FInal review below. 

Kabe Koji (Japan Mon Viki) 5 of 10 - This is going to be weird sounding coming from me but I think what I’ve decided that this show is just too much manga. Not yaoi per say but MANGA. Like, aggressively MANGA. I was thinking as I watched, “This singing group is comically bad.” Then I realized, “Oh that’s intentional, like the credit sequences for ABL - they are meant to be.” And then I realized: Every part of this show is a parody. Not the same as ABLon the whole, but similar in its components: The idol group is a parody of all idol groups. The high school drama is a parody of all high school dramas. The otaku mangaka is a parody of all otaku mangaka. The yaoi is a parody of all yaoi. And the BL of all BL. In the end, this entire show is just Japan messing with us. And frankly I’m beginning to enjoy it for that when I actually dont’ enjoy it as a BL at all. Again, like ABL.  

Eternal Yesterday AKA Eien no Kino (Japan Thurs Gaga) 3 of 8 - I do enjoy the credit music on this one. Backstory ep: so we get to watch them fall in love. Goodie. Pain for all! Or more, watch Mitchan fall and be confused, since Koichi is already utterly gone. Argh! Why does Japan always spend its best pennies on pain? A truly glorious confession scene, and then... a dead fish kiss. For which I’m actually strangely grateful. Frankly, if they also managed the physical chemistry in this show, it’d totally destroy me. This way I’m going to be only mildly destroyed. *whimper* 

It’s Airing But I’m Not Watching It

War of Y 20 eps - it’s just all too much for me.

My Roommate 32 eps of 2 minutes each + terrible production values? - I’m not bothering.

Fahlanruk (Sun GaGa) 12 eps - I cut my losses at ep 5. DNF

To Sir With Love AKA Khun Chai 28 eps - dito

2 Moons 3 Thai (Mon ??) 10 eps - Possibly a future binge watch. Rumor is it’s banal.

SELF (Thurs YT) - DNF

Love Bill  (Vietnam Sat YT) 1of ? - Bah Vinh is back but I’m too distracted. Also there’s a lot of fund raising and stuff going on. Thinking I’ll wait and binge.

In Case You Missed It

Roommates of Poongduck 304 (Korea Viki) quick pitch:

This is a solid little office set KBL about a rich kid who ends up both the boss and tenant of a total sweetheart cutie, and falls madly in love with him. Although the show suffered from KBL’s shorter length, I love the kissable lips pair, they deliver solid all round chemistry despite limited screen time, which is rare from Korea. So I hope they stay branded and we get even more from them in the future. Ultimately I recommend this show, a solid  8/10.

If Japan didn’t dominate the office BL niche with shows like Cherry Magic and Old Fashion Cupcake this BL probably would get higher marks for me. But it’s a difficult hill to climb (although I’m delighted to see Korea try). Even though Japan and Korea often give us the same length shows, I feel the brevity in the Korean stuff in a way that I don’t with the Japanese stuff. Frankly I think it’s Japan’s sophisticated cinematography facilitating the complexity required by shortness (what’s left out has to be implied by the lens and the acting) where Korea’s more commercial and simplistic style (which works great in longer Kdramas or something like Light On Me) falls short (pun intended) with their short KBLs. 

OH, and here’s a special extra extended kissing scene for this pair, just for extra proof on chemistry. 

I’m finishing up my UWMA rewatch today.

Gossip

Much anticipated office set Thai GL GAP the series will have 12 eps and will premier on Nov 19 on Idolfactory’s (SCOY) official youtube channel. Go subscribe, now. Trailer here. 

Next Week Looks Like This:

TOMORROW! Between Us (Sun iQIYI & YouTube?) - trailer here 

Tuesday: I Will Knock You (Tues Gaga) - Bad boy/good boy + sunshine/grumpy + younger seme pairing.

LITA & 12% finish. 

Nov 2022 line up:

Nov 18: I Will Knock You (Fri Gaga) A college kid & tutor confronts the leader of a gang who then turns out to be his next student. Bad boy/good boy + sunshine/grumpy, + younger seme pairing, bully romance?. Adapted from korean_rabbit's y-novel of the same name, directed by Champ (2gether).

Nov 19: GAP the series (Sat YT) - 12 ep office set GL from Thailand. 

Nov 26: 609 Bedtime Story (?? WeTV) - another OhmFluke vehicle that’s rumored to be a good story. A one night stand leads to a series of mysterious premonitions and a possible parallel universe. 

Nov ??: My School President (?? GMMTV YT) initial trailer here - it’s Love Sick + Korea & Japan's influence. 

This week’s best moments?

That’s one way of putting it honey. (Tooth) 

Baby’s first kabedon! (Tooth)

Meanwhile, in the land of Big Dragon, they trying on Taiwan for size (that’s what he said). 

The mosquito trope returns with a vengeance this week! 

Is it a WinTeam foreshadow from the whole Thai BL industry? 

Might be! 

TOMORROW!

Rise up broccoli nation! 

This weeks earworm: Kang Daniel’s Parade 

(last week) 

[spinaroos-47]

Harpentine owl house edition!

I have been fixating on Grace and Raphael for a while, and I ended up making a little toh au with them :] my guys :]

On their original story, Grace Harper comes from a family of vampire hunters and is one himself, Raphael Constantine is from a well known family of vampires, and their families have had a very bloody feud since they met. Through this, they decimated each other until Grace and Rafa were the last of their kin. Grace was hired to kill Rafa, but horribly gets the job wrong and instead falls in love with him (also this story does have some mature themes so, yknow, would reccomend minors to avoid the stuff i don’t share here that i post on my artblog)

More stuff under the cut

So on this AU, I changed things quite a bit. Grace is now a coven scout, due to family pressure. He would rather just take care of beasts and be a gardener, but oops gotta carry on the family’s expectations on you now that you’re the only one left alive.

Rafa is from a family of wild witches and he follows on this tradition, pretending to have a sigil and be on the plant coven. He has a quail palisman, and I know how close he looks and seems to be a Clawthorne but that was purely coincidence dsnjdnsfnjds. Also he is a half demon because I’m not sure how I could convey a bit of the vampire-ness (since vampires in the story have pointy ears)

As for how their chasing thing would happen, it’s not something fully in depth but I think I can keep their family feud thing by the Harpers keeping it a secret that the Constantines are wild witches so that they are the only ones who will hunt them down.

But slowly Grace opens himself to see stuff from Rafa’s perspective and how the coven system is pretty fucked up. He already didn’t like it, but quietly accepted as how things are. Rafa just helped him do something with this resentment. And a hot boyfriend too in the process fdjnnjdfnjds

Some bonus stuff, I put a bit of the modern au of them having been friends when they were younger, but quickly Grace changed schools and went to Glandus. Took a while for them to recognize each other though, since in this mean time Rafa transitioned + changed his name, and Grace has also transitioned (but kept his birth name) + is wearing the scout uniform when they meet again. 

I realized that Glandus would have been a very fitting choice that his family would have made, since they want him to be competitive and aggressive, exaclty what Glandus encourages. He does not have a good time there. 

He’s on the beastkeeping track because in the story he has an affinity with animals and also has a gardening spin, and Rafa also loves gardening, so their coven tracks were pretty easy to figure out. Basically why this whole idea started

This was a fun exercise, I had a lot of fun seeing what would change and what could be slightly shifted to fit the toh universe :3

[anguigenus]

did we ever ask u what coven youd be in btw? ofc the coven system is bad and all that, but apart from all that?

Actually, (this is a tangent) I don't think Belos created the magic groups. He definitely structured them, made them rigid and mandatory, sure. But based on the little kid creating an abomination back in the "Wild Ages" (see Elsewhere and Elsewhen) the covens as schools/groups of magic did exist before him.

Plus, based on the ancient Looking Glass Graveyard devoted to illusionists, there were people that chose to focus on a specific group of magic.

My guess as to how they came about is that certain powerful witches would develop spells of their own, and then teach those spells to apprentices. Over the years as the spells are passed down, people invent new, similar spells, and the magic group grows.

Have you noticed that the covens don't seem based on any inherent magical property? There are plenty of spells like levitation or elemental spells that don't fit any of the covens.

Instead, the covens are based on functionality!

Abominations to fight or do manual labor for you, construction to build houses or repair objects, beastkeeping to care for livestock, etc. You could imagine guilds or schools of magic forming to teach people trades, and the spells useful for those trades!

The most important part though, is that before Belos, it would've all been optional. You could learn any spells you wanted to! Be a jack of all trades, or just focus on one thing! Heck, you could make a whole new magic type of your own!

Anyways to answer your question illusions all the way. Visual tricks, power boosting, memory magic, awesome titles, there is nothing she can't do. Fuck the coven system I'd be a wild witch and still an illusionist. Thought being able to manipulate just one of your senses was scary? Wait till I start getting creative with other spells >:3

[ghostlychief]

i saw that your requests are open, but i didn't see any rules for requests or anything, so let me know if there's something that you are uncomfortable with doing.

that being said, could we get a whump master chief fic where he comes back from a mission but he's a little scuffed and injured, and we take care of him? or maybe vice versa, where reader comes back from a planetary survey or something like that but encountered some malicious people there and came back slightly injured, so it's chief that takes care of us? (feel free to choose from either of these, i just couldn't decide which one to put down so i put both lol)

and thank you!! your master chief fics are amazing and have given me some very good dreams c;

I love the idea where John takes care of reader for once (since he’s usually the one all banged up from his missions) and thank you for your sweet message!! hope you enjoy <3

the one where John takes care of you

---

You weren’t used to combat, seeing that you were a civilian and a scientist. However, you did receive basic training due to the climate of the galaxy, and the never-ending threat of the Covenant, but again, you weren’t military.

So, needless to say you were a little thrown off when you came into contact with non-friendlies on the planet you were surveying. You were currently in the Luyten system, specifically Luyten 726-8, checking out an outer rim planet that had a small set of colonies. You and your team quickly found out they weren’t welcoming colonies, and in fact were offended at your arrival.

Luckily, three marines were stationed on this mission with you and your small team of five, but you didn’t come out of the altercation completely unscathed.

You were left with a few cuts and scrapes, and some bruising on your arms and ribs. Nothing a little R&R couldn’t fix. You were fine, and felt alright despite what happened. You were more concerned what John’s reaction would be when you got back to Reach. Hopefully he wouldn’t hear wind of this since you had a week journey back to home base. You figured most of your injuries would heal by then, but you think you’ve bruised or maybe broken a rib, so that one is for sure still going to be there by the time you touch down.

Nothing you can do now expect wait.

~*~*~

You let out a sigh as the aircraft finally touches down on base. The way back home wasn’t pleasant in the slightest. Everyone was on edge after what happened on Luyten 726-8 and being injured didn’t help the mood. In addition, you didn’t get nearly as many samples as you would have liked, so that means another mission is on the horizon. Lovely.

The only thing getting you through the day is that you get to see John. You had little to no contact with him while you were away, so you’ve been impatiently waiting for your reunion. Your boots haven’t even made it off the ramp when you spot John waiting for you in the hanger. He’s in his civies and he’s standing with his arms crossed, waiting. His face only softens when he makes eye contact with you, and your legs pick up their pace, and move into a light jog in order to reach him.

He envelops you in his long arms, and you wrap yours around his middle, and you subconsciously let out a sigh of relief.

Once you’ve hugged him for a few minutes, you finally release your hold on him, and step back to look up into his light eyes. You grant him a smile and he offers one in return, but it drops when he notices the bruises littering your arms and the red scrapes on your knuckles. His hand grasps yours and he rubs his thumb over the ridges of your knuckles and then brings it up to his lips and leaves a tender kiss there. He then asks, “What happened?”

A sigh leaves your lips as you explain, “We were ambushed and didn’t have much back-up. But we’re all okay, just a little banged up.” Your shoulders rise in a small shrug. John lets out a hum, still examining you and then says, “Next time I’ll make sure they send more than three marines. It’s absurd they didn’t send more security detail with you in the first place.”

“Well, why don’t you just come with me next time?” You tease, still smiling up at him.

He brushes his thumb under your eye, along your cheek bone and says, “That can be arranged.”

-*-*-

Hours later finds you back at your apartment waiting for John to be done in the bathroom for your “surprise.” He finally emerges and guides you in. You’re immediately met with a soft glow caused by the dozens of candles lit around your cozy bathroom. The tub is filled high, almost overflowing with bubbles that smell like lavender, and there are two glasses filled with red wine on the counter.

A small gasp leaves your lips, and John wastes no time getting you into the tub, him following behind you. You’re sitting comfortably in-between his legs, and you lean back into your boyfriend, finally feeling relaxed in the last few weeks.

Your eyes shut from the warmth of the water, and due to the embrace of your boyfriend, and you fight the urge to fall asleep. He brings his head down to kiss along your neck and shoulder.

He hums against your skin, “I’m sorry for what happened to you on your last expedition.” His hands come up and start lightly massaging your shoulders, releasing all of the tension built up there. You let out a small groan, and quietly you say, “Thank you. Could have been a lot worse than it was. Just happy to be back home for a while.” You crane your neck at John’s deft hands working the muscles there.

He trails his hands down your side and John wraps his arms around your middle, hugging you from behind. As they brush over your bruised ribs, you flinch a little, catching his attention. "What's wrong, are you okay?"

He moves his hands so they now rest on your arms as he waits for your answer.

"Yeah, I just bruised a few ribs, nothing major." You think you hear a sigh leave his lips.

“I talked to head of security for your section, and from now on there will be extra security detail assigned to all your missions.”

Of course, he talked to head of security.

“You know how I feel about you using your, status, for work-related things, John.” You weren’t really mad at him, but sometimes it made you feel self-conscious, and that people judged you by not thinking you deserved the job title you possessed.

“Can you let me take care of you?” There’s a light lilt in his voice as he asks this, and he leaves a kiss on your temple.

“Hmm, I guess so. Besides, you’re a pretty good masseuse. Maybe I should get beat up more often.”

He scoffs and you're certain he's shaking his head. He brings his mouth close to your ear, and says "How about, no."

His tone is dry, making you laugh. Although you slightly flinch again, as the pain in your ribs flares up. You know that John felt you jerk again, so his hands rub down your arms in a comforting way, and he kisses your head again.

You lean further back into him, and enjoy his tender touches for the remainder of the night, thankful he's here for you.

-*-*-

[gimletagain]

And boy do I have thoughts about this move.

Gimlet, please share your thoughts (when you have time)!

Let’s put it this way - I can afford some of the houses in Hope Ranch but not in Montecito. Yes it’s a gated community, but it’s a large one and still a development rather than individual estates. At Hope you can get huge $25m beachfront mansions or land; you can also get an old $2.5m 1600 sq ft CA ranch house. Still part of the same community with the same private beach access. So ultimately she’ll have a much greater chance of rubbing elbows with plebes than montecito which tells me this is a downgrade. Lot sizes are also much smaller (unless she’s getting those massive beach lots, which I doubt.)

Another thing - Montecito has a ton of young families despite how expensive it is because of how good the school system is. It has the best elementary school in California. Not that she would’ve put her kids in public school but they’d be rubbing elbows with similarly wealthy kids in a top school. Hope Ranch feels much older in comparison.

Finally, when communities are formally gated with unm, “active” HOASs even in expensive neighborhoods, indicates a level of exclusion that is very not progressive.. “Black people make up less than 3 percent of the population in Santa Barbara County. And it wasn’t really that long ago that real estate covenants in Hope Ranch barred the sale of any properties to black and Jewish people.” (Link.) As someone who isn’t white, I felt the lack of diversity and history very explicitly. As beautiful as the house and area is, and as much as it was a good deal during the pandemic, we were just not a fit.

So to sum it up, I think the move means -

downgrading property size

more neighbors, esp older nosy ones

even more isolation, esp for their kids

even whiter and older and more conservative

closer to the beach and other horse people (very active equestrian community)

It is just verrry funny that they supposedly left a bunch of suffocating white old people with a bunch of rules to be with another group of suffocating old white people with a bunch of rules.