#this also made me think of more like. wrong/bad endings for the companions

[lixbf]

i was so productive in bg3 today fjsvcjdhd

[redeemed-wren]

Classic Who explores ideas, New Who explores morals

classic who is like 'i see this trend, lets explore what might happen if that trend continues and let the audience figure out what it's talking about and come to their own conclusions.'

new who is like 'this trend is BAD and i'm going to PREACH A SPEECH about why it's going to RUIN EVERYTHING' and it's so much more exhausting

[cy-cyborg]

I'm begging dragonage fans to do a tiny bit of research about arm amputees before loudly shouting their opinions on the inquisitor returning in the next game Please lol.

Apparently, it was confirmed that the inquisitor, your chatacter from the last game (who looses their arm in the final cutscene of the DLC), will return in Veilguard as a customisable character, similar to Hawke, and they will play an active roll in the story. This has caused a lot of people to start speculating on how they'll handle the inquisitor's missing hand, with most people agreeing they'll have to have a prosthetic to be an active part of the story. Which, while I do think this is the rought bioware will take, isn't true, and a part of me really hopes they leave the inquisitor without a prosthetic arm like in the end of Tresspasser

Partially because we already have a companion with a prosthetic (neve) and it would be nice to see some diversity in how amputation is depicted in such a mainstream game, but also because you dont need a prosthetic to fight as any of the main 3 classes from inquisition.

Mage:

mages just need a staff, the game shows them as 2 handed weapons but it's totally beleiveable that it would be usable 1-handed (Neve also uses a dagger-like weapon in the trailer, you can make a "staff" in inquisition that functions more like an energy sword, and the Mage in the chargers uses a staff resembling a bow, so I think it's more that they just need a focus, the shape doesn't matter as much). A knight enchanter may struggle more 1 handed, but I wouldn't write it off as an option with some modifications made to their main staff.

Warrior:

the easiest to justify, because there are several cases of arm amputees fighting with a sword and sheild in history, and while many did have prosthetics, most weren't functional (meaning they were mainly for aesthetic purposes and didn't actually aid the fighter in any way. There were exceptions, like Götz of the iron hand, who's prosthetic was functional, but most were not). The inquisitor looses their arm just above the wrist*, so they still have most of their forearm. Most sheilds strap to the forearm, so it wouldn't take much adjustment to make that work, and you can use the other hand for the weapon. Obviously, two-handed weapons will probably be off the table, though, lol.

*edit to say, as several people pointed out, i got that wrong, my bad 😅. The inquisitors arm is actually amputated through the elbow, the screenshots i was looking at just weren't very clear and it has been a while since i got to trespasser lol. It would still entirely possible to strap a shield to the upper arm though, with some pretty minor adjustments to the existing straps on standard (as in, those used by non-disabled warriors) tall shields, so the point still stands.

Rogue

this is the one people tend to be the loudest about and the one I understand the most. Obviously duel-weilding daggers won't work (unless you give them something like the hidden blades in assassin's creed on their stump side, I guess) but using a single dagger still would, and is a perfectly reasonable approach, given that's how most irl people used daggers. Archery, though, absolutely can work without a prosthetic, despite what people think. Dragonage has crossbows, not something like Bianca (rip) but a small, single-handed crossbow is an option. Even ignoring that though, amputee archery is a thing irl, and not every arm amputee uses prosthetics for it. The bows are modified to be held in one hand and drawn with the mouth using a kind of pully-system built into the bow that I could very easily see being modified into some dwarven-style contraption in game (some double arm amputees use their feet to draw regular bows, but I don't think that would be pheasable in combat).

Like I said, I think bioware will probably go with a prosthetic, but i hope that they don't. Or at the very least, show them with it sometimes and without it other times (the same goes for Neve, no one wears their prosthetic 24/7, I'd love to see them both take them off around the home base, even just occasionally). A lot of arm amputees in particular prefer to go without one, and arm prosthetics in media are some of the worst offenders of the "perfect prosthetic"/"miracle cure prosthetic" tropes. It doesn't count as "diversity" or disability representation if it doesn't actually change anything other than the look of the chatacter, and im really, really desperate for some actually decent amputee representation in games.

[sparrowlucero]

thoughts on thasmin?

I find it (and a lot of the era) both pretty fascinating and kind of miserable and also not very good. I think enough has been said about how it goes basically unacknowledged until the last 3 episodes and how it feels queerbaity and how the main episode grappling with it is pretty bad, so let me throw something else into the ring: I think it thematically works, it's just that the themes are fucking nuts. In my opinion, the Chibnall era and especially its finale is, at the end of the day, trying to reconcile something it finds emotionally unsatisfying about the classic show - mainly that characters will leave the show suddenly and never really be mentioned again - by characterizing the Doctor as a person who habitually shuts people out before ultimately dropping contact with them and leaving them to emotionally deal with that. Dan, on day one of returning home, is immediately left with the impression that the Doctor is angry with him. After that, you see 80s characters Tegan and Ace on year 30, who have spent a sizeable amount of their lives under a similar impression. The Doctor, the show is saying, is someone who can never cease abandoning people and leaving them with this strife. Time will always run out, a production fact reimagined as a deepset anxiety for the characters. Everyone she knows will be doomed to the same fate of lost contact no matter what, and Yaz is next on the chopping block:

even though the doctor is the one rejecting her (and will ultimately leave her) by what's seemingly her own volition, she expresses that she doesn't actually want that at all. It's just, to her mind, unavoidable:

So you know theoretically I like this, there's something heady and despairing and metafictional about it. "I'm sorry Yaz, I'm fucked, I know for a fact that this season is gonna end and I'm gonna move on to the next person because that's how the casting works on this show so we might as well just cut it here." I feel like the obvious payoff to this would be the character going against this thought process in some way at the end, love is more important than inevitable loss, or whatever. But it actually comes to much weirder conclusion: It absolves the Doctor entirely. Her viewpoint is, in the end, truly objective and justified. She's positioned as someone who genuinely lacks agency, and the harm caused by these relationships suddenly ending and her never contacting again is simply an inevitable fact of the universe; even when she herself seems to be at fault, it's not a thing she herself actually does to people with any intent to harm. Most interestingly, I think, the emotional turmoil of the companions is characterized as basically being their own fault. Yaz tells Dan, for instance, that he's misinterpreting the Doctor being upset at him; she's acting that way because simply because she "doesn't like goodbyes" rather than out of anger:

Any assumption Tegan has made about why she never heard from him again is negated; he always cared, she just didn't get him:

Most pointedly, Ace's emotional resolution involves her acknowledging that she was entirely wrong in judging him for anything, as she was simply failing to grasp his personal burden:

TLDR; I think the thesis statement at the end of the chibnall era is basically "The Doctor leaves everyone, that's how the show works, and the only way the characters can find resolution is to move forward and just accept that it's not the Doctor's fault and no bad feelings were ever involved." (I think this is, again, the result of attempting to recontextualize the doctor losing contact with characters suddenly and with little or no resolution in the classic show as an entirely intentional character beat for her, without coming to any overly nasty conclusions about her being in the wrong)

So on that note, there's a lot of confusion over Yaz's ending; the doctor, dying, is like "well, that's it then, I'd rather be alone now" and Yaz accepts this without further pushback. It's not made especially clear why she has to leave or why she doesn't argue the point, and a lot of people have struggled to explain why she actually leaves (as they've never sent anyone away when they've died before)

I don't think this is quite as random as it's usually taken, though; Yaz here leaves the show when subject to the same inevitable abandonment the story has been exploring the entire time, but unlike the other characters, she actually gets the doctor. She's connected to them on a deep enough level to understand that they're not actually leaving on bad terms. She's accepted her role in this cycle and the doctor's lack of fault in it and will therefore never be tegan or ace or dan wondering what went wrong. She, unlike the doctor, holds all the agency here. It's her actions going forward that will determine if this is tragedy or merely bittersweet. And we know it's the latter, because she knows not to say goodbye. genuinely batshit and i kind of have to respect it. anyways I also just have to say it's wild that they have a set up where the doctor pressures yaz into taking a gun against her better judgement and then later gets shot and it's 1) not yaz who shoots her, 2) not the same gun and 3) not what kills her. my god they were so close to some insane tragically ironic gay drama there and they fucked it up. unforgivable. think of the fanart.

[silverb0wties]

Lemonade - Part 1

Lemonade || leah williamson x alessia russo x child!reader

Summary: When something bad happens to your Mummy and Daddy, you end up living with your Aunty Lessi and Aunty Leah.  But is there room for you considering they have a new baby on the way?

Chapter Warnings: death, pregnancy, mentions of stillbirth, house fire, hospitals & doctors

a/n: In this universe Alessia has a fictional older sister

~ I originally posted this a while ago but took it down because I received a bunch of hate for it. A few very nice people have encouraged me to put it back up, so I will see how I go. Constructive criticism is always welcome, but if you don't like this, please just scroll by. 💜 ~

PART 1

--

You didn’t fully remember what had happened that night.

It had all started off very typical.  You’d had tea and a bath and watched a bit of telly before heading upstairs to your room for bed.  You were 7 now and a big girl, and certain you didn’t need tucking in anymore, so you gave your Mummy and Daddy kisses and cuddles before you went to brush your teeth and then snuggled under your bed covers to keep reading your current library book, Matilda. 

At some point you must have dozed off, because you woke up as your Daddy popped his head in through your door to check on you.

“You alright, Bunny?” he asked.  Your nickname had been Bunny for as long as you could remember.  You had been given a bunny stuffie named Arthur by your Nana on the day you were born, and he had been your trusty companion ever since.  Bunnies were also your favourite animal, however you weren’t allowed one as a pet because your Daddy was allergic.  Apparently that meant he came up in big bright red spots whenever he got near one.  Surely there was some kind of cream that though.

“Can I come sleep in your bed with you and Mummy?” You had made sure to use your biggest, pleading eyes to try and convince him.

“Ohh alright.  But you have to remember to be careful of Mummy’s leg, okay?”

Mummy had hurt her leg a couple of weeks before.  She had been playing netball when someone on the other team had crashed into her and she landed poorly.  You weren’t totally sure what was wrong, but you knew that it was apparently worse than whatever Aunty Leah had done to her leg.  But it was also not as bad because your Mummy wasn’t a professional at netball, she just played for fun, and you think maybe they also won some wine sometimes but you’re not 100% sure.  Anyways, she had to go to hospital and have an operation and now she was on crutches (which you weren’t allowed to play on) and you had to help around the house a bit more because it was tricky for Mummy to get around.  You didn’t mind though, you were happy to be her little helper.

As you reached your parents room (Arthur clutched tightly under your arm), you found your Mummy already in the bed, her leg propped up on a pillow under the blanket.  Before she had a chance to ask what you were doing there, you quickly rattled out “Daddy said I could come sleep with you, please please please!”

Your Mummy just laughed and patted the spot beside her on the bed.  A few moments later you and Arthur were snuggled under the covers between your Mummy and Daddy and drifting soundly back to sleep.

The next time you awoke it was to a screeching alarm, one you recognised from when Daddy had tried to bake Mummy a birthday cake but had burned it really, really badly.

“Bunny!  Sweetie, wake up!”

As you opened your eyes you realised you were surrounded by thick black smoke.  Your chest felt tight, and the smoke stung your eyes so badly you couldn’t keep them open.  Everything felt foggy and faint and you could feel yourself quickly falling back asleep.

“Just take her! Save her! Get her out!”

You heard your Mummy’s screams over the blaring of the alarm.  You would hear those screams in your nightmares for the rest of your life.

The next thing you remember was being outside your house and your neighbour Mrs Green was passing you to an ambulance man.  You had Arthur clutched in your hand by his ear as the man lay you down on a wheely bed and put a funny smelling mask over your nose and mouth.

Then you were at the hospital and there was lots of nurses and doctors scrambling around, poking and prodding you.  You had still had the mask on your face that was filling your mouth and nose with funny smelling air.  There was a big needle sticking into your arm connected to a bag on a pole that kind of hurt a bit.  But worst of all, at some point you had lost hold of Arthur, and you could see him lying sadly on a bench across the room.

“She’s awake.”

“Y/N.  Hi, my name is Doctor Smith.  We’re just looking over you to make sure you’re doing okay.  We’ll get you back to a room really soon and then you can see your family, okay?”

Your family was here!  Thank goodness.  Whatever had happened, your Mummy and Daddy were fine and you would see them real soon.

You breathed a small sigh of relief but still reached out instinctively for Arthur.  A nice nurse with dark hair and big, round glasses noticed and looked over at the bunny.

“Is he your special friend?”

You nodded frantically.

“He’s very dirty at the moment, so he’s going to need a bath before you get him back for cuddles, I think.”

You realised that his normally light purple fur was closer to a dark grey colour, but you couldn’t understand how he got so dirty.  Surely a bit of smoke doesn’t get a bunny that dirty. 

And then it hit you.

Smoke.

You’d only seen smoke come from a few things in real life before:

When your Daddy had burned that birthday cake

From the cigarettes the old ladies who sat outside the newsagents smoked

When there was lots of pretty fireworks and sparklers after Aunty Lessi and Leah won a big trophy

After you blew your birthday candles out

Smoke came from burning things.  Had Arthur been burned?

Before you could ask any questions, you were being wheeled into a room where your Nana and Aunty Lessi were.  You loved your Nana and your Aunty Lessi, you really did, but you wanted your Mummy and Daddy.  Where were your Mummy and Daddy?

“Oh Y/N, oh sweetie.  Oh, thank God you’re okay.”  Your Nana was crying as she reached for your hand and kissed your forehead.

You tuned out your Nana and the doctor’s conversation as out of the corner of your eye you spotted the nice nurse with the big, round glasses hand over Arthur, who had now been put in a plastic zippy bag, to your Aunty Lessi.  She whispered something to her you didn’t hear and Aunty Lessi nodded and put him carefully in a big sleepover bag she had with her.  You wondered why she had a sleepover bag with her here at the hospital.

“Does she know about…?” your Nana asked.

“No.  We thought it best that she heard it from family.”

You snapped back to the conversation going on over your head at these words, catching your Nana nodding as she wiped some more tears away from the corner of her eye.

“We’ll leave you be to have some privacy.  One of the nurses will be back in a while to check on her, but of course, don’t hesitate to press the buzzer if you need anything.”

As all the hospital staff left, your Aunty Lessi came around to the other side of the bed and gave you a hug as best as she could, trying not to bump your mask or the big needle in your arm.

“Nan-” you attempted to talk, but the smelly mask on your face was making your words sound all mumbly jumbly.  You also noticed that it hurt a bit in your chest and throat when you tried to speak, your hand automatically coming up to rest on your neck.

“It’s okay sweetheart, you don’t need to speak.  You just rest, okay?” your Nana told you.

You nodded, aware that there was something going on.  Something definitely wasn’t right.  Your eyes flicked between the two women, noticing that their eyes were red and puffy as though they’d been doing lots of crying. 

After a long, awkward silence that seemed to stretch on forever and ever, your Aunty Lessi finally started to speak. 

“Bunny, sweetie, there was a fire at your house.  We don’t know how or where it started, but there was a very bad fire, and it looks like it has destroyed the whole house.”

Your eyes widened as you began to put it all together – the smoke, the alarm, your Mummy screaming…

“Sweetheart, your Mummy and Daddy didn’t make it out.  We don’t know a whole lot yet, but we know that your Daddy ran out of the house with you and gave you to a neighbour.  You were very poorly and not breathing very well, and that’s why you’ve got to wear this mask to help you breathe.  He went back into the house, we can only assume to try and help your Mummy because she can’t… umm couldn’t move around too well because of her leg.  But they never made it out of the house.”

You didn’t really understand.  What did she mean they never made it out of the house?  Where did they go?  Where are they now?

“Bunny, do you understand what I’m saying?” your Aunty Lessi asked.

You shook your head furiously.  You just wanted to see your Mummy and Daddy.  Why weren’t they here?  Were they hurt?  Were they also lying in beds somewhere with masks on their faces and needles in their arms?

Your Nana stood up from her chair and sat down softly on the bed beside you.  She stroked her hand over your face a few times before cupping your cheek gently in her hands.

“I’m so sorry, Bun… Your Mummy and Daddy, they… oh Less, I can’t.  I can’t say it…”

Your Nana pulled away from you, burying her head in her hands as she stood up and turned away slightly.

“It’s okay, Mum.  I’ve… I’ve got it.”

Your Aunty Lessi swopped in and scooped your face gently into her hands, running her thumbs soothingly over your cheeks as you looked at her with confusion.

“Bunny sweetie, your Mummy and Daddy… d-died.”

You think your Aunty Lessi kept talking but her words just faded into background noise as you tuned out everything around you.  You were there, but not really.  Your body was, but your brain was just running over the words “Mummy and Daddy died” over and over and over and over until they lost all meaning.

Mummy died.

Daddy died.

Mummy and Daddy died.

You felt sad, but mostly you just felt kind of… nothing.  It felt almost like the sadness was a balloon that grew too big, too fast and it had popped and now all you were left with was nothing.

In the movies and in your books when people died, their family cried lots and lots.  Your Nana was crying, and it seemed like your Aunty had been crying.  But you didn’t feel like crying.  You did really, really feel like rubbing the soft fur of Arthurs ear across your cheek over and over and over though.

--

You had stayed in the hospital for a few nights before they let you go home. 

Well, not really home.

But your new home.

You were going to live with your Aunty Lessi and Aunty Leah.  Your Aunty Lessi was your Mummy’s sister and Aunty Leah was her wife.  They both played football for their jobs and travelled a lot.  Before… well, before, you would go and visit them, or they would come visit and you would tell them all about the books you’d been reading and what you’d been learning in school and show them all the different breeds of rabbits there were in the big scrap book you’d been putting together.  That scrapbook was gone now though.  You weren’t sure if you would start making a new one.

Your Aunty Lessi had the most beautiful smile, and she always seemed to be able to make everyone laugh and be happy.  And your Aunty Leah was always a really good listener, and she gave the most excellent hugs.  Sometimes you would go and watch them play football, but you weren’t really interested in sports.  It was always too loud and there was way too many people there.  But it was always exciting when your Aunty Lessi would score a goal though, because if she knew you were in the crowd, she would point in your direction and make a heart with her hands.

You liked your Aunties. You loved them.  But you’d never spent the night at their house or had a sleepover with them.  You didn’t know any of the rules, and you didn’t have your Mummy to remind you of them before you went.  You wanted to be on your bestest behaviour, having read far too many stories and seen too many television shows about children whose parents died and then their new families treated them poorly.  You didn’t think you’d do very well in an orphanage or living on the streets.  You weren’t very tough like those kids were.

You’re not quite sure what to think of your new room at your Aunty Lessi and Leah’s house.  It’s very… adult.  A bit boring to be honest.  Just a big adult bed, a dresser and two bedside tables.  There is a big window however that overlooks the back garden that you quite like.  But you’re just grateful for somewhere to sleep really, thankful that your Aunties are letting you stay here at all.  You’d happily sleep on the loungeroom floor. 

“We will pretty it up and get you lots of new toys and decorate it however you want, Bun.”  Your Aunty Lessi was stroking your hair as you cuddled into her side.  “This is just temporary until your new bed and furniture arrives and we get you all settled in, okay?”

You nodded gently, not really knowing how else to respond.  You were a bit shocked that they’d ordered you a new bed and were going to get you new toys.

“We did get you a few things to start you off with, just until we can all get down to the shops together to pick out some stuff.  I hope they’re okay…” Your Aunty Leah gestured towards the corner where you could see a few boxes and some brightly coloured stuffies peeking out through the handles of some shopping bags.  You looked up at her and blinked, unsure as to whether you were meant to thank her or go and inspect the items or what.

“We can go through that stuff later if you like?” Aunty Lessi suggested, squeezing your shoulder.  “How about we grab something to eat for lunch?”

Just as you were turning to leave the room, a tuft of light purple fluff caught your eye among the bags.

"Is that Arthur?" you asked.

"Oh, your bunny? Yes, Aunty Leah gave him a really good bath and got him all clean again."

You dashed forward and grabbed him from the pile of other toys and clothing, bringing him up to your face to rub his soft ears over your cheeks.

You wanted to say thank you, but those words didn't seem big enough. Instead, you hoped that someday, somehow you would be able to somewhat show your Aunties how much you appreciated them.

With Arthur now tucked under your arm, the three of you made your way down the hall towards the stairs.

“Oh, and remember that is mine and Aunty Lessi’s room,” Aunty Leah gestured towards a door on the right of the hall, pushing it open with her foot.  “If you ever need anything during the night, please don’t hesitate to come and get us.  I’m up and down all throughout the night going to the loo anyways because of this one,” she smirked as she rubbed her growing belly.

“Does it hurt? Growing a baby?”

You don’t really know why you asked.  You were curious, sure.  Your own tummy hurt a bit when you ate too much food, so surely having a baby in there hurt lots.  But now definitely wasn’t the time to ask that kind of question.  

Stupid. Stupid. Stupid.  

However your Aunty Leah just chuckled and nodded at you.  “It doesn’t exactly hurt, but it is rather uncomfortable at times, especially if the baby moves into an awkward position or kicks a weird spot.”

“The baby kicks you?” you asked.

“Oh yeah!  They’re gonna be a striker just like your Aunty Less, I’m sure of it!”

Aunty Lessi nudged you and pointed at your hand.  “You might actually be able to feel the baby move some time, Bunny”

“Really? Could I?”

Your Aunty Leah’s smile was a big and bright as you’d ever seen it.  “They’re moving around now.  Do you want to try and feel?”

You nodded excitedly.  You had always wanted a baby brother or sister.  Your Mummy and Daddy had told you once that there was one on the way, but then a while later when they’d gone to the hospital, they came home really sad and said that baby brother was born sleeping. 

You had only just turned 4 when that happened, and you didn’t understand why they didn’t just wake him up.  But Daddy explained that that is what people sometimes say when the baby isn’t born alive.

Mummy had been sad for what seemed like years after that.  She spent a lot of time in bed, and she cried more than you’d ever seen her cry before in your life.  You’d tried to cheer her up by drawing her pictures and singing her songs and giving her your biggest, bestest cuddles.  But Daddy said the only thing that would make Mummy better was time. 

He was right.  She had slowly returned to her normal self.  You were very grateful, because you had missed the little things like the silly songs she would sing when she would wash your hair, and the smiley faces she would make out of blueberries in your pancakes.

As your Aunty Leah gently cradled your hand and brought it up to her swollen tummy, you felt a small whooshing movement under your little hand.

“Did you feel that?”

You nodded quickly, your gaze meeting your Aunty Leah’s as she smiled tenderly at you.  You couldn’t believe you could feel the baby moving in her tummy.  It all started to feel very real.

“They’re moving around quite a bit tonight.  I think they’re quite excited to have you here with us, Bun.”

“Do you know if it’s a boy or girl?” you asked.

“No, we decided to wait until the baby is born to find out and let it be a surprise.  We really don’t mind what their gender is, we’re just excited for them to be here and to meet them.  Oh, there they go again, did you feel that kick?”

You nodded again, pulling your hand away from your Aunty Leah’s tummy as a sinking feeling began settling in your own.

You knew you weren’t a part of your Aunties plan.  They were having a baby, and becoming Mums, which you were sure was something new and super exciting for them.  But now they also had you to look after as well, which they weren’t expecting and had probably changed so many things for them.  Surely, surely they would be much happier without you here ruining their perfect new little family? 

[messiahzzz]

i have seen several posts around that addressed how discouraging gale from taking the crown of karsus is “keeping him from realizing his true potential.” that tara is merely upset at his choice, instead of being utterly devastated at the loss of her little love. that it’s not a bad ending per se because to get there he didn’t need to sacrifice 7000 innocent souls in the process. gale isn’t continuing the cycle of abuse either, he still appears to love tav and does come back for them to offer them ascension. he wants them to be equal, so it can’t possibly be an unhealthy dynamic, right?

but what of gale himself, his own convictions, values, and everything he holds dear? everything flawed and human that shaped him into the person he is?

player: are you saying you want to ascend? claim godhood?

gale: no, not like that. i don't want to join them. i want to better them. a god's powers, paired with a mortal conscience, a mortal heart.

gale’s motivation for acquiring godhood is that he will able to aid mortals in a way no other god has ever done before. he won’t hide behind pretense nor require blind devotion of his followers. he will understand and be able to empathize. he wholeheartedly believes that he will be different - he will act.

gale: [..] the gods could aid us if they wished, but instead they cower behind ao. so let us act ourselves.

gale believes that by becoming a god he will kill two birds with one stone: aid mortals and acquire enough power to quash any of his insecurities and enemies in the process. that by ridding himself of every perceived flaw he'll finally feel like he will have enough to offer - maybe, just maybe he'll even be content. his flaws are merely holding him back from becoming the best version of himself, and by ridding himself of everything fallible, he will be whole. maybe this is what all of his suffering has led up to. maybe the orb chose him. maybe the reason he had to endure all the pain, isolation, and excruciating loneliness was so that he could realize that he was meant for something even greater. after all, power feeds ambition. and what is more powerful than a god? his convictions were certainly naive, he possesses enough knowledge to know better. don't get me wrong, part of him definitely wants to spite mystra a lil. but his intentions at that time were mostly pure. a reflection of his self-hatred and feelings of inadequacy.

player: this is wrong, gale. that power will corrupt you, even if you can seize it.

gale: it won't, i swear to you. it's merely a tool - a means to an end.

once we meet gale at the party in his new godlike form, it is apparent that even with all the power at his fingertips, he has reached no greater knowledge about himself. his insecurities are still as present as before, he merely is less subtle in his compensation - repeatedly highlighting his grandeur and how dull life on faerun is compared to the wonders of elysium. it is also genuinely crushing to see how little he thinks of himself even now.

gale: i was nothing. a drifting dust mote of a wizard, abandoned by my goddess, my powers lost, my reputation destroyed. and look at me now. i'm their proof.

any perceived dismissal of his Greatness™ is met with immediate disdain.

gale: a bold decision to treat a divine being with such cold indifference.

nodecontext: aloof, annoyed you weren't impressed with him

gale: you mortals do love to live dangerously, don't you?

nodecontext: the slightest hint of a threat - you've probably made an enemy here today. or at least, you've lost a friend.

he is still desperate to impress. emphasizing what an honor it is that a new-born god chose to bless their little soiree with his presence. gaze upon all his divine glory! gale has now become the embodiment of everything he criticized about the gods. his original intentions and plans are discarded and long forgotten. he assuages his erstwhile companions by telling them to simply pray to him, in case they should ever require aid. if they're lucky and their ambition pleases him, he might even deliver.

player: what does the 'god of ambition' offer to his followers?

gale: i 'offer' them nothing. i inspire them to seize their destinies for themselves.

player: interesting, so you help mortals help themselves?

gale: precisely. though that isn't to say i'm averse to the odd bit of direct encouragement.

gale: [..] my aims are set a little higher than offering cursory blessings to just any half-decent spellcaster.

gale: regardless, ethical quandaries are more the remit of my mortal devotees. they do love to talk, and faerun is starting to listen.

aiding "any half-decent spellcaster" is unbefitting of his status. he isn't concerned with questions of ethics and morality either. deeming such matters beneath his divine capabilities.

once gale has ascended and established his domain, what remains of the gale we knew? what of his mortal heart?

minthara: your ambition is not cruel, but you fear that if you indulge it, you will lose yourself in the mysteries of the weave and unravel the world.

minthara: you are afraid of so many things, and it is that fear that keeps you true to yourself.

gale did lose himself and ultimately became one of his biggest fears. considering that his existence as a being of pure ambition leads him to constantly seek out greater heights, it isn't farfetched to believe that raphael's prediction will indeed come true.

player[astarion]: ambition? finally, a god i can get behind...

gale: i assure you, this is merely the prelude to a far grander vision. elysium's in for something of a shake-up.

all that remains of gale is a thin veneer of the person he used to be. what he presents is a hollow echo of the old gale. he does retain some of his mannerisms and quirks, but he is definitely a lot colder and more condescending. if his personality already changed that drastically after a duration of only 6 months, what will he inevitability turn into when he has eternity at his disposal?

essentially, you are aiding gale in the eradication of himself. eradicating everything about him that made him into the loveable, charismatic, awkward, kind, buoyant person he was. everything about him that he perceived as defective, flawed, and lesser-than. before, his hubris was merely an expression of his own discontentment and low self-worth, but now he is hubris incarnate. all of his worst qualities have been amplified.

gale: i am ambition incarnate. as indistinguishable from that most potent sensation as mystra herself is from the weave. and word is spreading.

nodecontext: palpable, almost unsettling excitement from him - hint of megalomania

he put his trust in tav, trusting their judgment and relying on them to nudge him in the right direction. after all, they had plenty of opportunities to show him that they are an ally worth following and confiding in. but in the end, the prospect of what he could be, the things he could give them, the enemies he could yet conquer, won over the desire to simply accept him and help him rebuild a life on solid ground. tav denied him the unconditional love he craves most out of their own selfish desires.

tara: you were looking out for him. i expected better of you.

as i've already mentioned, gale desires nothing more than to be seen, accepted, loved, and valued. having a partner who wholeheartedly supports and believes in him is enough to make him feel content. most importantly - he just wants to live. to enjoy life with everything it has to offer. his ambition can’t be quenched because he hungers still. believing that only by acquiring more power will he finally be enough and reach said acceptance.

we see in his good ending that his own contentment was even able to influence and (temporarily) sate the orb's ever-present hunger:

gale: [..] or perhaps the orb's hunger was fuelled by my own, and my contentment influences it in much the same way.

gale: that's how i feel with you - content. it's a rather unfamiliar feeling, i must say. not something gale of waterdeep ever craved.

it is devastating that he doesn't reach the same feeling of fulfillment if he chooses to pursue godhood, and is instead compelled to continuously surpass his own accomplishments. not being granted rest or reprieve.

gale: i achieved everything we hoped i would, and still i'm not good enough for you?

gale pursuing godhood isn't evidence that he "has been evil all along" or that he "just waited to be unleashed" either. we can't diminish tav's influence in this outcome, they are after all an extension of the player. able to steer every companion toward a path of redemption or to enable them in their worst traits. fandom has already established that by letting astarion ascend you are actively supporting him in becoming the very thing he despises most, putting your own ambitions and idea of what you want him to be above his healing, this is no different.

tara: the gale i knew wasn't like this. he recognised his mistakes. he was contrite. all he wanted to do was live.

tara: unfortunately, he fell into company that turned his gaze towards foolishness. yes, i mean you.

player: gale is his own man, tara.

tara: false. he was mine. though now he belongs only to his own pride.

yes, the epilogue cutscene is beautiful and there is something bittersweet and romantic about his love for tav being one of the few emotions that remained a constant throughout the past 6 months. he didn't need to come back for them, but he did cause he loves them still. no matter how warped his definition of love may be now. while it is abundantly clear that tav ranks lower on his priority list than they did before, his commitment remains.

gale fears isolation, hoping to never return to the time when he was hopeless and alone, stuck inside his tower. by heading in this direction he is once again creating a self-fulfilling prophecy.

tara: [..] if i pretended you hadn't turned tail on every lesson you set out to learn, i'd have no right to call myself your friend.

morena may as well have already resigned herself to her son’s death. elminster partly blames himself. for his lapse in judgment, as well as being the one who plucked him from obscurity in the first place. mourning the kind, bright-eyed boy who cried at the scorched roses in his neighbor's garden. tara won't be here anymore to care and look out for him either. he has lost his oldest and dearest friend, the one who witnessed his downfall from grace and never left his side. who believed him to be the finest mind AND the finest wizard she's ever had the pleasure to know. who was certain that he’d find a way out of any crisis no matter the circumstances. ...and if tav declines his offer to ascend with him? what does he have left?

gale: yes, i am rather radiant, aren't i?

tara: don't flatter yourself, gale. you've debased yourself in ways i could never have fathomed.

tara: goodbye gale, i hope the heavens are worth it.

gale’s godhood ending deals with the loss of humanity, the loss of oneself, and everything one holds dear. it is a devastating and bone-chilling narrative. it is a tragedy.

gale: i hope you don't think less of me. great ambition should not come at the expense of what you already hold dear. i see that now.

if gale could see himself, he would be horrified at the losses he deemed necessary to get here. he would be horrified at what he’s become.

[remiivu]

Ghostly Companion- Chapter 1

Link on Ao3! Currently rated Teen but may go up to Mature/Explicit

Masterlist Next Chapter -->

A Mr. Crawling x Reader fic (that may expand into a series!)

This is the first time that I've written anything like this in the past 5 years, so give me some slack if it's bad or cringey lol (also the first fic on Tumblr!)

Set in the ending (and series of events) where you take him home! I've done a few playthroughs so some parts may not be fully accurate, but I'll do my best!

No warnings-- just some minor cursing here and there. 1.8k words!

Enjoy!

 Note: Words in italics are in the ghost language. The blocks represent words reader doesn't understand.

You…

Honestly, you weren’t quite sure what happened these past 24 hours. Half of your now fully-conscious brain had settled on this being some sort of twisted hallucination you experienced after inhaling the noxious spores from some weird mushroom during your bravery challenge. But, the other, half-insane half-sane side of your mind simply cannot deny the manifestation of your nightmares sitting right across from you, a sharp smile stretching from ear to ear and a mop of strangely neat black hair swallowing its figure.

It? He? That, too, was something you didn’t know. Hell, the thing never stood up, and the noises that creaked from its throat were far from human.

But… It was nice. It helped you. It followed you, shielded you, and the pure, radiant happiness it exuded when you proposed, in broken ghostly-language, for it to join you hardly came across as malicious or non-sentient. It had feelings, and while some parts were… wrong, surely, it was owed some sort of humanity, you reasoned.

And so, it became a he, and then a Mr. Crawling-- the highlight of your creativity, truly. You doubted he understood the significance of the slightly different noises coming out of your mouth as you called to him, but still, it was the least you could do.

“... not… go?” He asked, head tilted as he sat patiently on the ground, lanky grayed limbs bent awkwardly into some mix between a w-shape and a regular sitting position. You think he said something else as well, but honestly, you were exhausted, and you hadn’t really had much time to truly learn his language.

“...” You sighed again, looking at him, then your surroundings. You had popped out right where you had started– or somewhere near it, at least, as you recognized the spooky decorations nailed and wrapped around trees. You were back in the forest you had entered before being sucked into… something. At least the light rain had stopped, leaving damp soil and the smell of petrichor to fill your senses instead of the… yeah.

Well, besides, you had nothing on you. Right– it was all in your bag that, for some reason, wasn’t brought alongside the rest of you.

“Need…” you paused, hesitating. How did you say bag? Scrounging through all the corners of your mind left you with a blank, and you searched for the next best thing.

Which would be bucket. Fuck.

Mr. Crawling tilted his head the other way, mouth flattening slightly in what you presume to be confusion. “You… ∎∎∎” he uttered something that didn’t spark a single click of recognition in your brain. “∎∎∎… ∎∎∎. ∎∎∎∎∎∎. Help?” 

You gave one nod. “Yeah, help. Uhm… bucket… “ You made the attempt of drawing out what it looked like in the dirt while ignoring the small amount of embarrassment that rose in your chest at your horrific attempt to communicate.

You jabbed at the middle of the drawing of your rather simple bag. “Uh- blood.” You muttered, figuring it was the closest thing to whatever the actual word for red was.

Mr. Crawling frowned a bit, then chirped a “Me help you ∎∎∎ bucket! ∎∎∎ ∎∎∎∎?” With a much more pleasant smile. 

You nodded, “Yeah, thanks. Ok, so… I guess we’ll split up?”

Mr. Crawling stared blankly with that dopey smile and you sighed, standing up. You felt a little bad for making a… disabled ghost? Yeah, a disabled ghost do some of the work. Shoeless and possibly pant-less

Damn. You’ve stooped down low these past few hours.

_____________________________

Honestly, you were surprised at just how efficient a disabled ghost was when left in the dark, blind, and in an environment he’s never been in before. Just as you were about to give up and start heading back into civilization, you heard a gleeful, familiar bone-chilling giggle followed by “Me ∎∎∎ bucket blood!”

Your head shoots up, “You did?!” As you rushed off to the bushes where he had wandered off. 

You let out a sigh of relief as you spotted the familiar bag, grabbing it from Mr. Crawling’s hands. “Thank you,” you smiled, weary but grateful, as Mr. Crawling giggled once again.

“Happy! Happy!” He said, reaching out to pat your head again.

You found yourself letting out a small laugh as well at the unusually tender action, giving your bag a quick once-over to confirm everything was there. When you spotted your phone, you quickly tapped on the screen, letting out a quick breath of relief as it lights up only for it to immediately be followed by a small wince.

Over 50 missed calls and 100 messages… yikes. And with a glance at the time and date, you understood why. Turns out, your sense of time was rather accurate– it had been just over a day since your disappeared.

“Hurt? You hurt?” Mr. Crawling asked, leaning in close to do his ghost-equivalent of looking. Honestly, you can’t be bothered to question why, how, or even what he’s seeing when all you’ve noticed on his face was a deep red wound in place of his eyes. 

“No,” You shake your head. “Uhm. It’s, uhm, humans. Humans worry… no– me worry humans.” You explained the best you could, standing up again. Mr. Crawling looks up, confused. 

“You safe.” He says, crawling towards you rather slowly. “Humans ∎∎∎?” 

You shake your head. “Go together with me.” You say with a bit of force. The desire to get home and in bed overshadows much of anything else that could run through your mind.

Mr. Crawling, however, doesn’t seem to mind your curtness, breaking out into another small fit of uncanny giggles as he follows after you, letting out a small mantra of “Together together together together!”

With half fondness and half exasperation, you trudge on with a smile, feeling like this experience was more akin to a person walking their dog rather than a human leading a ghost to their home. Which… you choose to think about another day. You really, really don’t want to contemplate any more images of your death.

You were so tired.

But, after nearly half an hour of much slower-than typical walking, your patience was wearing thin.

As it turns out, disabled ghosts walk– crawl much slower on slippery, uneven terrain than their familiar concrete floors. You’ve had to slow significantly so that Mr. Crawling wouldn’t get too tangled up in roots and rocks, and a part of you worried for the safety of his bare legs, but every passing glance resulted in a tiny glimpse of smooth, unharmed skin. You assume he was taking extra care to ensure he doesn’t get hurt.

But, still, every passing hour drains your phone’s limited battery and therefore your limited ability to navigate through whatever area of the city you wind up in upon exiting the mountains. You really couldn’t afford to keep slowing down or to risk losing your understanding of where to walk by circling around roots and trees. They had passed most of the decorations by now, leaving only trees and the very faint noise of any rare passing cars.

Eventually, you kneel back down, waving at him to get his attention. “Mr. Crawling.” You hum, watching as he perked up.

“∎∎∎!” He chirped, getting to your position in a few seconds.

“Me…” You hesitate. “... Me you… up.” You said, staring at him to see whether or not he understood. You were sure that, without… a lot of things necessary for life, he would be light enough for you to carry. Sure, you weren’t the fittest of the bunch, but you were healthy and exercised. In fact, you’re sure that your physical health was the only reason you lasted that long in that death trap.

His head tilted, then he grinned. “... Me you ∎∎∎?”

You sighed, contemplating. That was a vaguely familiar word, and you could almost hear something else in your memories having said it.

But before you could actually responded, Mr. Crawling lunged up at you, bringing you down to the ground in one swift motion. You let out a scream, your throat raw and strained by now, but settled in once you realized where you were.

“Mr. Crawling, what are you–?” You let out a half-scream of shock as he began to scoot across the floor with his legs, holding you firmly in his lap, cold yet sturdy arms caging you in.

He giggled, “Me ∎∎∎! Me ∎∎∎ you!”

Your jaw dropped, and then the word clicks– carry! Well, carry or lift or hold– something along those lines. You remembered that decapitated head speaking it. The head that you had left behind in the hands of that… goat thing.

“Me carry you!” Mr. Crawling giggled, and honestly, if it weren’t for the fact that this was twice as slow as their previous pace (an actual snail’s pace) you might’ve just stayed here and squeezed a nap in.

“Wait, no– no!” You wiggled, trying to loosen his arms. You couldn’t– not through sheer force, as his arms felt like stone bricks, but he loosened his hold on his own, leaning in far too close and spewing out a cycle of: “Hurt? Hurt? Damaged? You sad?” 

You sighed, shaking your head. Well, at least now you know the word. “No, me carry you. Me carry you.” You said, trying to convey through hand motions that it would be faster.

Then… Mr. Crawling giggled. Laughed. Directly at your face. “You carry me? Me ∎∎∎, you ∎∎∎!” 

In your heart, you knew you were being laughed at, and you felt heat rushing to your ears as you sputtered in indignation. “What– listen, I can carry you! You’re not even alive, so you probably don’t have water or blood or any other thing in you that makes you as heavy as–”

“Cute!” Mr. Crawling cooed with another giggle, playing with your ears, his fingers gentle despite how coarse they felt. The coolness of them actually felt… nice against your burning ears.

You balked, “You–!”

Your breath was interrupted as cement arms wrapped around you again and his butt-scooting continued. 

“Hey, I– !”

“You ∎∎∎ rest!” He said happily, strong legs picking up the pace and pushing small mounds of dirt across the forest floor.

Well… that was actually amendable. Maybe you’d get to the city before sunrise at this pace.

“Rest rest!” He said, one arm reaching up to pat your head. “You ∎∎∎! You rest! You safe.”

You let out another sigh, though you hardly put any heart into it, leaning against him more as you felt the rhythmic stop and push of him quite literally dragging the both of us to safety.

A disabled ghost… helping a fully-capable human move.

You snort, letting your eyes fall shut.

What has your life become?

And that's all! Thank you so much for stopping by! If you're interested, I just wanted to add some notes for anybody paying a bit more attention to minor details in this fic.

Yes, the reader is exhausted and far too tired to ask why a ghost who "can't use his legs" is currently using them as a motor to propel them across the forest floor. Give them some slack! They nearly died about 3 times lmao. (And I have mentally planned out a timeframe where they realize this exact piece of info)

I am aiming for the reader to be completely G/N (for our rare male players) but I may slip up and call them she/her or accidentally follow the canon a bit too closely.

Honestly, while it is based in Japan, most of my understanding outside of some rare visits comes from anime. So, in my head, the local high school was hosting a bravery challenge up in the forest on the mountains and the reader was dragged along with their friends (reader is a working young adult, ~25 years old). In my world, the city they live in is maybe 40 minutes away from that specific area in the mountains. I'm contemplating making the reader American-Japanese (who resides in the US and visited Japan for a vacation to meet up with old friends, or something like that).

Yes, I know that "bucket" in the ghost language isn't correct (the correct word is "container" or something more vague like that) but I can't recall if the reader gets to go to the SOS room on this route where Mr. Crawler refers to the pencil case/make-up bag with that same word, so their only experience would be learning the word through buckets with Mr. Hood.

I may accidentally call Mr. Crawling "Mr. Crawler." I'm pretty sure I haven't done that in this fic, but this is simply a warning for the future lmao.

That's all! Thanks again!^^

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Banners by @cafekitsune

[sunlight-shunlight]

Was reading you Veilguard misogyny post and god. God. It really strikes me just how wide the quality gap is between the Veilguard ladies and the women of Inquisition. Muscular, scarred, thick-accented and short haired Cassandra with conservative views... Sera with her bad (affectionate) hair she obviously cut herself, obnoxious (affectionate) accent, and very radical views... cold and cunning Vivienne with all her pragmatism that still cares deeply and, in making the best of a broken system, has come to cling to it with views even more conservative than the non-mage yet somehow also radical... I don't think I even need to go over all the ways Leliana differs from the women of the Veilguard... and Josephine, who, yes, is very sweet and values peaceful resolutions—but is still willing to destroy reputations and marriages and is, at the end of the day, a politician and businesswoman.

And then there's the Veilguard ladies. I suppose Neve is a bit cutthroat...? In her "bad" ending, at least? Harding isn't even allowed to be mad.

It's hard to believe that these games are from the same series, let alone one coming directly after the other. What a nosedive.

YEAH 😭

i don't know what happened to them, bc it genuinely feels like... they took character design "feedback" from the types of really annoying men who were like "cassandra has a Masculine Skull™️and is too rude to me. i demand that she has long hair and a prettier face in the next patch"

i truly love cassandra in dai, partially bc i saw this really neat process breakdown from the artist who made her design?

and like!! every part of her face, her armour, her haircut, it all gives the impression of "this is a very direct, aggressive, decisive type of person" which works great! you can look at any of the dai companions or advisors and get that same amount of immediate information just from their look. i love how sera and vivienne's designs immediately tell you so much about both their personalities, and their relative amounts of wealth in society.

but then in veilguard there's.... polite morrigan i guess? harding gets SO much more socially awkward than she was in dai, and has trouble even telling someone she doesn't like coffee? isabela's Cursed Orientalism Outfit? bg3 mystra mythal? no reckonings or anything for flemeth, she Just Dies Offscreen for solas' emotional development? none of the female companions are allowed to have short hair or slightly unconventional features or unkempt outfits? we need to support women's wrongs again 😔

[mrs-gauche]

On a more serious note regarding the "Solas is like the devil on your shoulder constantly trying to make you make bad decisions".. I think @corseque made a good point, in that Fen'Harel in Dalish legends is known for giving cunning advice that, in true trickster fashion, may lead to a helpful outcome, but always at a cost or in a twisted way. We talked about how Solas might try to prevent Rook from trusting their companions because of his own issues/experiences with betrayal or that he might try to use Rook as a piece on his own "chess board".

But I think this also goes back to the mage origin in DAO and you being tested by Mouse, a pride demon, and how the greatest danger of the Fade is, after all, careless trust. I'm also thinking back to this banter between Solas and Vivienne, in which she literally said that he "sounds like a pride demon" trying to tempt you to "leave the path". Or Cullen saying that no demon will ever possess him because he is "too much like they are". Given that Solas literally translates to Pride and the Dread Wolf itself being described as a pride demon, this "devil on our shoulder" might end up being like one big test for us to pass throughout the story, much like the Harrowing in Origins. And building on that, there's also still this crucial piece of dialogue from Solas himself, talking about the perception of spirits and demons:

"The Fade reflects the minds of the living. If you expect a spirit of wisdom to be a pride demon, it will adapt. And if your mind is free of corrupting influences, if you understand the nature of the spirit, they can be fast friends."

In DAI, Solas was already a reflection of how you treat him. If it's true that, what the devs seem to be hinting at, we actually get to learn and see what happened in the ancient past and who Solas was before he "called himself Pride" (keeping in mind that Rook doesn't know anything about Solas as a person at the start of DA4), and we come to "understand his true nature"/original purpose/true name, then the above quote might be an analogy for how the relationship between Rook and Solas can develop and how we can influence Solas' character arc (on top of the relationship between him and the Inquisitor already having a huge impact on him?).

And if you think about it, it's so brilliant how they seem to put a spin on the whole thing now, by having the "pride demon" be the one who needs to trust the one who dreams. Or rather, expecting the pride demon to be a spirit of wisdom, and not the other way around.

The idea that Rook challenging/rivaling Solas by going against his "devil on our shoulder" advice/proving him wrong/"pass the test" and not expecting him to be that pride demon after Rook comes to understand his true nature/original purpose, could lead to him being more likely to "adapt", open up and learn how to trust again is so beautiful to me, but that could also mean a challenge for us Solas fans if we have to (at least in the beginning) bump heads with him in order to see that development. 🥲😂 Either way, Solas is truly in for the most intense kind of therapy session.

[teriri-sayes]

Reactions to The Light's Chapters 408-409

Brief summary: Cale gets the hidden records. Wind AP and Fire AP destroys Cale's plans. Sun God saintess arrives.

==========

I was wrong. There were 6 🚩flags planted last chapter. 😂

Fight the two wanderers

Fight the GoC cult

Appear in a user’s livestream (and become a great legend)

Use his Shield AP to protect the sacrifices

Faint and have Alberu take command

Meet the GoC pope

The pope mention was in the last chapter, some afterthought of Cale as he was thinking of the ritual. But today, the GoC saint confirmed that the pope would be coming to New World to witness GoC's descent... Yep, that was a flag there. 🤣🤣🤣 Dang it, Cale. 🤣🤣🤣

Cale (or the author) revealed his bias for HD again.

CH: *knocks people out* Cale: *is scared of CH* HD: *knocks people out* Cale: *is in awe of HD*

And what was this? HD smiling and looking proud because of all the people he knocked unconscious while Cale looked up at him in admiration? So sus... but also so cute... 😂🥰

The records of GoC made the Sword of the Sun react strongly, forcefully turning dark elf Alberu into his blonde hair and blue eyes self.

Alberu: *turns blonde* Cale: Oooh, you look like a hero! *gives a thumbs up* 👍 Alberu: *shuts eyes in annoyance at being teased*

Cale was having fun in teasing Hero Alberu. 😂😂😂

Alberu: *doing his best to stop the Sword of the Sun* Alberu: It wants to destroy everything related to GoC. Cale: You can do it! *cheers for Alberu* Alberu: This is driving me crazy.

Cale really having fun. 🤣🤣🤣

The hidden area had five records of GoC's power, namely, Fear, Purification, Pleasure, Contamination, and an unknown power. Cale took all of the records, and the Sword of the Sun eventually quieted down.

As for the divine item, Cale's treasure radar, aka Sound of the Wind, easily found it. Problem was, the divine item was right smack in the middle of the place where the ritual would be held. So if Cale wanted to steal it, he had to interfere with the ritual itself... Ah, the flags he planted are taking effect. 😂😂😂

It didn't help that the altar above the divine item was full of expensive magic stones and diamonds, making Fire AP drool in excitement. 🤣🤣🤣

Cale: Let's just steal everything and escape! HD: *smiles in excitement* Alberu: ...I knew it would end up like this.

The other participants of the stage had arrived. The twin wanderers were destroying the walls surrounding the Primordial Night. Above, the Sun God saintess and paladin had arrived too while the users had begun their streaming.

Crazy Attention Seeker was shocked to see the Sun God church NPCs. But he and his companion were even more shocked when they saw... Raon.

Raon was originally invisible, but he had to appear when the saintess and paladin arrived. After all, he couldn't leave it to the bad actor, CH. 😂😂😂 The paladin, Sir Boltien, recognized CH, and when he asked CH why he was stopping them, Raon had to step up and tell them that his human didn't want variables or passersby to be harmed.

Dragons were rare in the game world, so it was understandable why the users were dumbfounded. But Crazy Attention Seeker went crazy, dying from how cute the "baby dragon" was to how cute it spoke. 🤣🤣🤣 We readers understand you... Raon is indeed cute! 🥰

Ending Remarks With all the flags planted, Cale's plan of "watching his enemies fight while silently stealing stuff" went out the window. Next chapter would finally be the beginning of the ritual. A new legend of Cale begins again! 😂

[circeyoru]

Demonic Companion _ Part 2

[Alastor x Human!Reader]

Second one's up~ Fun writing this one!!

Part 1

Part 2 (here)

Well, Alastor has been acting weird since the news

Popping up out of nowhere and asking about your life in the romance department more and more, like every detail he wants to know. He loved asking about your lover’s actions particularly, then he’d do the same just to show how much better he was at it

All the nagging and questioning overwhelmed you to the point you shouted, “If you want to meet my lover so badly, why not come with us on a date!”

It was a big mistake on your part. You didn’t even know what you said until Alastor was thinking over it seriously. Your anxiety rose so high in the silence. One, Alastor was a man/demon of his word. Two, he is a literal demon. Three, he shouldn’t be on Earth without a contract!!! This is going to get you into major trouble if he does go through with the idea

He does go through with the idea

Even with your insistence that it was a joke and a wrong idea, Alastor made up his mind to go through with it. You had made every excuse to make him not come along, but he was having none of it. Hopefully, your lover wouldn’t find him weird

“Who’s this?” Your lover asked the handsome man next to you

“Alastor, my good man! I’m your beloved’s closest and longest companion!” Alastor, in human form, exclaimed before you could even introduce him. You had planned on saying he was your cousin visiting your place, that’d explain the closeness and sudden tag-along

Deep down, Alastor had planned for a list of things to show you how bad your lover was and how much better he’d be for you. Of course, he planned it with Rosie. There’s the drawback of no killing, no torturing, no all those things he’d love to do. BUT! There’s beauty in stealing you from that oh-so-confident lover of yours, also proving that your long-time attention and fondness for them was a waste

Surprisingly, your lover was way more accepting of the change in date plans. Sure, Alastor was demanding and would interrupt your moments, but your lover was acting so mature and thoughtful, even seeing that you were already uncomfortable with the situation and didn’t blame you. Your heart warmed, and you followed his example

How was this human so stubborn!? There was no way a human could be this good and holy! He couldn’t believe it. What does it take for him to separate the two of you so that he could have your attention and heart? 

He missed the times when the two of you would be at your home doing the most mundane things, yet one way or another, it’d end up fun and entertaining. Even with his hatred to modern technology, he didn’t demand you to throw them out. When you were showing him things on your magical phone, he asked more questions and listened to your explanations. When you wanted to take a picture with him, he posed with you

Oh. Now he knows. He had fallen in love with you. He didn’t see you as entertainment or a potential soul to enslave. No. He saw you as you. He wanted to be the one courting you and making you smile and laugh like that. He wanted to be the one you hook arms with while walking down the streets. He wanted to be the one you would share everything with

His eyes went to the lover on your side. They were a good match, he’d admit, but there was something else that irked him. Your lover’s behaviours and actions were much like his, without all that murderous and possessiveness. If he and your lover was so much alike, why did you hang onto that crush rather than approach him?

His dark heart froze over. You’ve been hinting that you likes him, saw him more than a friend or demonic companion, even tested the waters. But he was too prideful to let you close, so he told you a lie you kept onto now and believed it wholeheartedly

“Dear, there’s this gal I’ve had my eyes on. She’s from the same time period as me and she is one hell of a singer! More so with dancing! Why, no one could hold a candle to her! Yet, I could never find the moment to express myself! A shame.” He told that lie to keep you at a distance from him so he’d stay as cruel and merciless as his reputation. Can you imagine if someone found out his weakness was a mere human? Ha! He’d be the laughingstock of all the eras!

It was after that that your rant about your crush increased and that lack of affectionate touch came. You’d suddenly hold him or the like, but you were quick to back away to give him his space back. You have gotten more talented and confident in what you do and say. Like his lie was your wake-up call

Now he regrets it. That lie pulled you away from him. Not your crush and now a lover

Perhaps it’s karma, when he wants to love and let down his walls for someone, the chance is gone by his own hands or, rather, words. What a fitting punishment for him and his crimes

“Alastor?” Your call brought him out of his thought, when he looked up, he saw you and your lover’s head turned to look behind at him. Your sweet voice, still concerned and worried for him, a sinner like him. “Are you okay? You’ve been quiet for a while.”

Maybe, just maybe, you’d let him stay by your side. Just to protect you and ensure that you have happiness. Even without that romance, you still care for him. He’ll take what he can get. Maybe after death, you’d go to Heaven and he’d try to reach you some way. If you were in Hell, he’d protect you and try to court you without all those lies and boundaries he faked

Alastor smiled as he lied, “Apologies for making you worried, dear. It would appear that I have some urgent matter to deal with back home. So I’ll be taking my leave!”

You caught on and nodded, Alastor is a terrifying Overlord after all, and you couldn’t let your lover know Alastor’s true identity nor do you have the right to make Alastor watch your lovey-dovey moments. You smiled back, “Okay, have a safe trip home! Let’s talk again when you’re free, Alastor.”

Alastor nodded and turned to some dark corner, out of sight, he left for Hell

Like a dream, he was gone and you turned back forward. Every time Alastor was here, it brought you comfort and something else. You’d realize it was love after giving him up to his demonic friends  downstairs, then you pursued someone on your level and found that something else as well

Your lover turned to you, “I can tell he’s someone close to you. Was he your crush before me?”

Well, it was a pleasure to have Alastor by your side already. You don’t want to push your wants on someone like him. That confidence, that pridefulness, and that charming self. Everything you wanted to be but aren’t. You only mimicked Alastor and hid yourself behind a mask

This lover you have now. While not as charming as Alastor, there was another quality that drew you to them

You guiltily looked over to your lover, “Yeah. But I… He didn’t see me that way.”

Your lover held the side of your face, “He’s blind to give someone like you up.”

You closed your eyes as you leaned into your lover’s hold, “Thank you.”

Note: Welp, this is the ending I got with. Quite angst, but that's that. Hope you guys liked it. Mimzy's taking the fall for two stories already

╰(◆ㅂ◆)╯

Circe Y.

MASTERLIST

Taglist:

@littledolly2345

@alishii

[meltedbrains]

Ok, so someone else had to point this out to me, and this may be the only way it makes sense.

Belinda was always Poppy's mother, the Rani used one of her wishes in Bavaria to rewrite Belinda's life so that she went from a single mother* to a single woman in a flat share. When the Doctor rewrote time so that she was Poppy's mother again, he was correcting what the Rani had done. Anything else is way too sinister to be a happy ending.

However, if this is the case (and RTD's track record of poc characters works against him here) it should have been more explicit. Belinda should have played a bigger part in the finale. She should have been the one to remember Poppy, not Ruby. She should not have been literally sidelined in favour of the previous white companion.

The finale was full of bad writing and Belinda got it in the neck. Apparently Millie Gibson left suddenly and they had to quickly replace her with Varada Sethu.

This can be backed up by Ruby fitting the Belinda story line pretty well; her character was already focused around motherhood; she had already met Poppy in space babies; Conrad's heel turn into right-wing populist conspiracy theorist would have brought back, and mirrored, the bad memories of her previous boyfriend, Alan, from the robot revolution; she was already neighbours with Mrs Flood and the Rani's comment about stalking blonde human women would have made more sense.

Ruby and the Doctor could have put Poppy in the zero box with Susan and run off to save the world, Ruby could have remembered her own daughter from an alternate reality, as she'd remembered alternate realities before. Ruby could have raised Poppy and Desidirium could have been returned to their parents before they got wished out of existence, instead of being dumped on Carla, who seems to be eternally relegated to supermum (except in alternate timelines, where they hate being a mum...).

Belinda was just, sort of there. She contributed nothing to the finale and very little to the previous episode. RTD casually throws poc characters under the bus and apparently has no awareness of doing so.

Mickey is whiny and pathetic until he moves to a parallel earth and is no longer a threat to the Doctor and Rose as a couple. He is frequently made the butt of the joke including being compared to a horse that the Doctor stole on a whim.

Martha is hopelessly lovesick and constantly overshadowed by Rose (who doesn't even know her, but does know Donna?). Her well-founded fears of historical racism are dismissed in one episode then used to hit her over the head in another without even an apology.

These characters are then revealed to have somehow met, fallen in love and got engaged off screen (Martha is also apparently no longer a doctor?) This could not be a clearer example of slapping minorities together for the sake of a 'wife and kids' happy ending. Do they have anything in common except for being black and overlooked by the Doctor?

And then we get to the 15th Doctor, the first Doctor played by an unambiguously black man. And just like Martha before him, he gets overshadowed by the white person that came before him. Ncuti Gatwa was quickly sidelined for fan favourite David Tennant. He got a 16.5 episodes to be the Doctor and then committed suicide before seemingly handing it over to another fan favourite, Billie Piper.

It could have been so good, Gatwa brought a distinct personality and charisma that separated him from the others (they're not bad, just different). There was potential for a character arc about the Doctor thinking themselves emotionally healed but realising that they still have a lot to process.

Instead, we get the Doctor: crying with frustration over racists; getting betrayed by someone he considered community; having to make amends to someone a forgotten past life wronged (or he has yet to wrong?); and torturing someone that has failed at killing anyone, let alone 3 trillion people.

Instead of being held together by a character arc, or plot lines it all hinges on Gatwa's performance. Now, don't get me wrong, he sells the hell out of it; but none of it leads anywhere, and now it can't. Apparently the only way to rewrite time is to kill himself, apparently the only way to write out this under-served actor is for them to kill themselves.

So here's to more poc characters in Doctor Who that have been screwed over by RTD and whatever the hell is happening in the writing/production room.

*if you're going to suddenly reveal that Belinda was a mother all along, why not reveal that she was also married? Why not introduce a black man as a committed father and husband, in a loving interracial relationship? Belinda has to get back by 7:30 because she works nights and he works mornings, breakfast is the only time they get as a family. (This is a really nothingy complaint though, it doesn't impact the rest of the story at all)

[cas-is-queer]

Nu!Who Doctors/Companions and my thoughts on their gender/sexuality ect. (I'm almost finished with season 10, so this will only cover up to Capaldi. I will be doing the small companions like Jack, and also the master/missy)

THIS IS MY PERSONAL OPINION, IF YOU DISAGREE PLZ DNI. HATE COMMENTS WILL MAKE ME CRY. Thank you.

If you have any questions on the terms used, either look it up or leave a comment and I'll respond.

9th Doctor: Demiaro/demiace. He doesn't seem super interested in romance n' stuff until later (once he knows Rose a bit better lol). I want to say he/they, but I'm not sure on that. Def pansexual (most doctor's will be lol) not giving polyamorous, not giving monogamous. he's down bad for rose and that's all he knows.

Rose Tyler: MY BISEXUAL QUEEN!! Billie Piper confirmed that Rose would've loved the doctor if they regenerated into Whittaker!Doctor instead of Tennant!Doctor. She slays so hard, I love her.

Mickey Smith: I want to say straight but we all saw him and that one guy so I'm gonna say heteroflexible, which is mostly straight but with the occasional homo interaction (that's a terrible explanation just look it up)

10th Doctor: My boy! I love 10 so very much. Demiace, slightly less demiaro but still there. (this is mostly inspired by that one clip of David Tennant saying that 'the doctor is a fairly asexual character') I want to say mostly into women, but we all saw him and Jack. I'm gonna say ominsexual, with a small/medium preference for women. giving ambiamorous, but more towards monagomous, you feel me?

Captain Jack Harkness: Most of the actors/writers/etc. say bisexual, but also admit to omnisexual, because he does get freaky with aliens. I feel like if you don´t think aliens are included in bisexual, then pansexual would be a better fit, but whatever. I'm not sure on this one, but he's def queer and also super freaky, so we stan. polyamorous if i've ever seen one

Martha Jones: I'm really unsure on this tbh. I think she doesn't really use labels, but def kisses men and women. kinda ambiguous on this, my bad.

Donna Noble: Bisexual. No evidence, gut feeling. I will not be explaining.

Simm!Master: that is a homosexual. he had a wife n shit ik, but that felt wrong. gay for the doctor. it's that simple. (i do want to clarify that he would still love fem!doctor, but like. hes gay. you feel me? timelords get that ambiguity.)

11th Doctor: hmm. hMM. he's silly. Giving pansexual. does not see gender. (danced with all the men and women equally at the Ponds wedding, was confused why the men were shy. an icon, truly) less on the demiaro, more on the demiace. (not super sexual except with River) I'd say monagomous but between River and Clara, he's most certainly not. ambiamorous.

Amy Pond: Pansexual. would kiss women, but loves Rory to death. She/they, we all know the scene i'm thinking about.

Rory Williams: bisexual. ik ik he had that whole 'im not gay' scene, but it was giving 'im not gay im bi' energy. I have no evidence for this claim, just trust me.

River Song: what a pansexual queen. canonically had at least two wives. in love with the doctor. an icon. Very much NOT asexual. Do NOT let her and Jack Harkness meet. They'd match each others freak and end up killing people.

Clara Oswald: canon bisexual, literally kissed Jane Austen. giving she/they. of all the people to fall for, fell for the doctor in his 'post-pond-depression-wet-cat-era', worst choice she ever made and i love that for her. she is babygirl, i will not explain.

12th Doctor: I'm currently on his last season right near the end, going to cry when he leaves. giving true pansexual, no preference. i have no evidence, i just think that all the doctors are pan, but some have preference, hence the omni. he/they, idfk. less on the demiaroace then all his previous regenerations, but i don't think any doctor is truly allosexual/romantic. you get the vision?

Bill Potts: !!!! My girl!! a lesbian queen!! basically the doctor's granddaughter!! queen!! her and heather are so flipping cute istg-

Nardole: literally cannot picture him with anybody. i hesitate on aroace, but also; he's def aroace.

Missy: a queen. love her so much. she/they pansexual. i feel like greyasexual/aromantic, but thats a bit hesitant. I feel like she's down for love and sex n shit, but unfortunately she fell hardcore for the doctor (and clara, to an extent), so she's just stuck. someone help her, she deserves so much better (currently on the vault era, if you couldn't tell.)

Alrighty!! that's all for now, I'll reblog and add my opinions on newer dw as I watch. lmk if I missed anyone (I don't think I did), and tell me your dw headcannons!!

Inspo:

[ishaslife]

Astarion has been breaking my poor heart.

This post will contain spoilers for the game and Astarion's romance/backstory. Before anyone comes at me, I want to say that you are the main character, you are supposed to change the fates and behaviours of your characters, especially if you are romancing them. It's a video game, that's kind of the point.

This post is extremely long and I apologise.

This analysis is based off my playthrough.

(*) means check notes at the bottom of the post.

I wasn't expecting to like him as much as I do. Don't get me wrong, I really liked him during EA and I thought he was funny, charming, flirty with a dark past and all that was just a means to cover his trauma but since the full game has come out and we've gotten to know more of him, it truly breaks my heart to see and know what he has been through. My sister and I were watching his reactions to be being rejected, being told that Tav only wants sex and forcing him to do things he doesn't want to do, it is truly heart-wrenching.

Many people expected Astarion to be this "I am so sexual and my romance will mostly be sex, also I will betray you the first chance I get." and it couldn't be further from the truth. Astarion is extremely loyal, and yes he has that air of flambouncy to him, will often make japes and say evil things but most of the time, it is just a facade. It's his shield in a way, he has been treated with utter cruelty for two hundred years of his life and now that he finally has some control over himself, he doesn't wish to be hurt again.

I don't think Astarion is ever completely evil, even in the beginning. He just wants to have fun and enjoy life after so many years of slavery. He likes it when you are snarky, say mean shit to people for fun but, he doesn't like to see innocents get hurt, and he doesn't support fighting for people who don't fight for themselves. Yes, he will support some of your evil decisions but they will lead to a bad ending, for you and your characters. It'll make Astarion wallow more in his greed and he'll lose the little humanity he has left. He doesn't really have a clear sense of direction in the beginning of the game as he's just found freedom and obviously wants to live life to the fullest, being evil comes naturally to him, it's instinct as its what he's been doing for two centuries.

This is my assumption since we don't know his actual age but since he's an elf who was well-respected in society, had a pretty prestigious job and was rich enough to be corrupt. I'd assume he was at least 70-100 years old before he was turned into a spawn. (EDIT - in a recent post by @deluxetrashqueen I saw the translation of the dates of birth and death on his tombstone:

"Astarion Ancunin

229-268 DR" to which he adds, "458DR - "

which shows that he was only 39 at the time of his death, which explains his emotional immaturity for an elf.) My point being, I believe he has been a spawn for longer than he's ever been a regular person. He has spent the longer part of his life doing evil things for an evil man, that was what his life was on a daily basis with Cazador. And his former work experience probably helped, he likely learnt pretty quick how much he took for granted as a living person and the harshness of his master, peers and people he seduced made him harsh and unforgiving in return.

Once you start getting close to him, you start to learn that he is only mean to people because of how life has treated him. In his romance, he says "no one ever looked out for me, no one ever said a kind word to me. You're the only one, no one is like that." Astarion starts to see, because of you that there is kindness in the world, and he finds kindness in you. Especially after his quest, as much as he'd hate to admit it, he also sees friends in your other companions as they do in him. By the end of Act 2, he starts to get more soft towards you and the decisions you make, often even disapproving of evil decisions. People often tend to forget that a lot of Astarion's evil personality is a front, it is not who he truly is.

These points will be better explained individually so I will talk about some themes.

Power: power plays a big part in his entire storyline. In the beginning, he wants to harness the powers of the tadpole to become powerful and at first, you think that it's simply because he's an evil character and he wants power for the sake of having it. Then later, he wishes to take over the power of the ascendant but mostly only to spite Cazador and take something important from him, not fully realising the true power of the rite.

As he slowly starts opening up to you, he tells you "the mind flayers tore me from that place" and you realise that its the tadpole that let's him walk in the sun, do things a vampire or spawn would never be able to, you learn that he hates being a vampire because he can't even remember what he looks like. He seeks power outside because he has had no power over himself for about two centuries, he thinks that having this power will fulfill his needs but it won't, we know it won't because in truth he only needs to reclaim his autonomy, physical and mental. Of course Astarion would never truly admit to this for a long while, even when he's romanced. I personally really love his good romance arc where he doesn't have sex with you, not because he dislikes you or doesn't want you but because, as he says "any kind of intimacy was something I performed to lure people back for him. While I know things between us are different... being with someone still feels tainted. It brings up all those feelings of disgust and loathing." He has spent 200 years or so bowing to Cazador's whims, done things to people he didn't want to do and I assume since it's heavily hinted at, were very sexual in nature. In a relationship, he simply wants to be seen as a person and I think that's really sad because that's how low the bar is for him.

In the ending of his quest, you can persuade him and tell him that going forth with the ritual won't set him free even if he thinks it will and I agree. If he's a slave to Cazador now, later he'd be a slave to power and greed. Just look at Cazador, despite being one of the most powerful beings in existence, he still wanted more power. That kind of greed and hunger never ends and Astarion would lose himself and who he has become while he was with us. Yes, it makes him walk in the sun again and do things a regular vampire can't but at what cost? 7,000 lives and his humanity. He would never be able to enjoy this "freedom" because he'll only strive to seek more power. In his ascendant ending, he becomes everything he's ever hated about Cazador, the cycle repeats itself, from Vellioth to Cazador and from Cazador to Astarion. And it will never end. Astarion even refuses to turn you into a vampire and wishes to keep you only as a spawn. With an insight check, you can learn that he thinks you're degrading yourself and he doesn't care. He now sees you as something to own, something to possess, not love. All his good qualities, wants and needs get twisted. Astarion truly only needs to feel like a person again but he doesn't fully realise this until you show it to him, through good deeds and actions, through simple acts of kindness. As he says in his "good" ending "I've been dead in the ground enough. It's time to try living again. With all that life has to offer."

Safety: Astarion wants to feel safe. He is so scared of being found by Cazador, he knows he's looking for him and the only thing giving him some form of safety from Cazador is the tadpole so of course he wants to harness its powers that is until he finds out it'll turn him into another kind of monster, a mind flayer. He doesn't wish to lose himself and his freedom again hence is vehemently against taking on the tadpole's powers but he doesn't stop you because that is of course, your decision to make. He says "if such power would please you, darling, I won't stop you. But do be careful, I want you to remain you." Now the only thing left that can properly give him his freedom is Cazador's death and he wants to kill him himself which I think is perfectly acceptable, Cazador deserves to die and if it is by Astarion's hands, all the better. But, in his romance, he makes it clear that he's doing it for safety, and he tells himself that he wants to take the power of the rite for safety as well because in truth, he is terrified of being powerless again. He does want revenge yes, but he also wants to keep you and himself safe from Cazador, even in the dungeon, if you run an insight check, the narrator tells you that he is losing his mind because of the power that's on offer and the smell of blood in the air. It's almost as if to say "he's losing his mind, please stop him before he forgets who he is." Astarion NEEDS your guidance*, eventually he even thanks you for 'saving him from himself.' In his good ending, he sees that in taking the power, he would be no better than Cazador and would become everything he's ever hated about him, and inflict on others what his former master inflicted on him, starting with you. His ascendant ending is honestly a very sad ending for his character, all that growth, change and development you bring to him throughout your journey just gone down the drain as he becomes an unfeeling, evil, narcissistic arsehole who only craves for more power. In his good ending, he will be safe, with you and with the friends he has made along the way. He is proud of himself and so is everyone else, it offers him a kind of friendship that's afforded to very few in the D&D world, especially a vampire/spawn whose very existence is hated. It is a bond based on trust, loyalty and to a degree, even love instead of fear like in the ascendant ending.

Abandonment and Fear: Astarion is driven by fear but he also knows facing Cazador is inevitable and something he needs to face rather than avoid. Even if he isn't outright seeking it (but he does seek it) I think he is braver than he likes to think and he definitely has some anti-hero traits. He likes the tadpole because it helped him get away from Cazador's authority and he enjoys bending others to his will since it makes him feel more powerful compared to how he's felt the past two centuries. But if you choose to not do the same, he doesn't really care. He doesn't except it of you nor is he disappointed (since he neither approves or disapproves. He only disapproves helping people who didn't ask or didn't want to be helped) he only gives a snarky comment or two about what he would've done instead and follows you anyway. He realises you're a good person. If you indulge too much however, I would argue that he agrees simply because he doesn't want you to turn against him. Perhaps he believes that you can turn on him and kill him as easily as you killed the tieflings or other innocents. He probably thinks it's easier to turn a good person evil than an evil person, good (tbh he wouldn't be entirely wrong.) And making bad choices does negatively affect his character of course but I just thought I'd put that out there as I think it's very likely for him to do so. He is definitely extremely paranoid, he hardly ever says how he truly feels out loud but when you break up with him (it's so heartbreaking omg) he says "I was beginning to think someone truly wanted me. I shouldn't have deluded myself." and "From the start, I was rather counting the hours until it was going to end. Midnight chimes, eh?" As heartbreaking as it is, the latter line shows how terrified he was of being abandoned or only be used for his body, he kept obessesively worrying that Tav would leave him after he bore his heart out to them. There's another bit of dialogue in Act 1 where he is trying his lines with you to get you to sleep with him a second time and you can say no which he is fine with but if you outright reject him there, meaning "I never want to see you like that again" he gets extremely sad: "Well, excuse me while I die of a broken heart. [slight chuckle] In all honesty, it's a shame. That time was special to me. I've gotten on my back 10,000 times or more and forgotten half of them. But you, I'll remember. [long pause] Have a fine evening... dear." Mind you, this is after you've only slept with him once. His dialogue makes it seem like he was already catching feelings for you, and not realising that himself until this happens. Seeing this made me realise that you're the first person he's slept with of his own volition, even if it was to seduce you. For the longest time, I think Astarion doesn't even want to believe you'll like him as something more than someone to sleep with, he hopes you might as his rejection line says so but astarion is nothing if not careful and well, paranoid.

That's why he's so shocked when you choose to not let him bite Araj at Moonrise even if it gave you something powerful in return. He sees that you chose his comfort over a genuinely useful commodity. Biting people or using his vampire, well, anything makes him extremely uncomfortable since it reminds him of things he needed to do for Cazador. If he bites her, it makes him feel like being a slave again, but bending to your will and wishes instead of his former master's. He realises he doesn't know how to say no. Which is another thing he says if you wish to pursue only a sexual relationship with him. He feels played.

Freedom: this is probably the main theme to his character arc. He wants to be free, not only from his master but also free to make right decisions and make decisions for himself, something he hasn't been able to do for years. This is why respecting his decision to not sleep with you is important to him, he doesn't feel comfortable being physically close to someone in a sexual way as it makes him doubt the person's true intentions and feelings and of course, makes him feel loathsome and disgusted with himself. He needs that time where you just connect as people to really see that you are in fact genuine and he wouldn't be hurt if he trusted you or gave you his heart. Towards the end of the game, he is still quite ruthless, but mostly only towards people who do wrong and are criminals. Astarion has a very strong set of ideals, he believes that people who do wrong deserve to die no matter the crime. I don't think this is entirely true, every crime deserves a different punishment but most criminals, those who do severe wrong and still get away with it, do deserve to die but this is just my opinion of course. He is ruthless towards bad people because that's how people have been to him, at least Cazador and I wouldn't be surprised if he was treated badly during his sexual encounters with strangers while working for him.

Why I think the Ascendant ending is a tragic ending for Astarion's character and for you.

I won't lie, there are some aspects of ascended Astarion that are pretty hot and I'm a sucker for (pun absolutely intended) powerful, gothic vampires but this ending comes at the cost of way too much. One simply being: Astarion isn't Astarion anymore. All his snarkiness, playful nature and strange innocence is gone. In his ascendant ending, that is, when he takes the power of the Rite of Ascension for himself by carving the same rune on Cazador's back that's on his own, Astarion loses himself. In D&D lore, full vampires are unfeeling, ruthless and have all their good traits twisted into something more malignant and evil. If Astarion loved you, that love turns into possession, if he cared for you, it turns into obsession. He doesn't truly care anymore... as a vampire, he is manipulating you and telling you things you want to hear instead of what he's actually feeling. He never truly got that moment of catharsis by killing Cazador as he does in his spawn ending. That simple bliss of killing the man that enslaved him and worse all these years; he never gets to experience that because he ends up using Cazador for the same power Cazador killed Vellioth for in the past, albeit worse. It's a never-ending cycle. And if he turns you into his spawn, you will go through the same fate Astarion went through and probably turn on him the same way he turned on Cazador. He has absolutely no sympathy for you or for anyone that is not him, in fact he feels almost disgusted by you because he thinks you're degrading yourself in front of him. There is a conversation between him and if you refuse to become his spawn, and I think it sums up his character perfectly as a vampire, it goes like this:

(choosing different options will have different dialogues but they more or less lead to him saying the same thing.)

ASTARION: Just so you know, I have everything I've ever wanted. Everything lies ahead. I can see my path to a waking dream. From the Crimson Palace, I will govern day and night. Create a city of spawn who bow before me, cast a fog over the world for my children.

TAV: But the Palace halls will be lonely.

ASTARION: You'll be lonelier than I. Very soon I will discover how to call my legions of wolves, become a sea of mist, run wrongside-up on roofs. [laughs] Everything vampires do best.

You could have, too. [sniggers] What a waste.

TAV: You don't really have anything at all.

ASTARION: I can take anything I want. I should've made you a spawn just to teach you that.

And there we have it, that last bit of dialogue shows how Astarion is now everything he hated about his own master. He is Cazador's literal and spiritual successor, he thinks you need to be punished for rejecting him. He doesn't feel for you anymore, at least not in a human way. He has become someone else entirely, for the worst. His drive for taking the power of the rite was to be able to walk in the sun again but as a full vampire, he wants to "dominate it (the world) until the sun melts and give ourselves over to the night."

Astarion NEEDS change, he needs to see that the world can be a kinder place than the one he's lived in this whole time. Just a bit of care and love with him goes a long way. In his spawn ending, he comes to realise that you gave him his life back even if it was as a spawn because that is true freedom. He is free from his master, and greed & power which was in the disguise of safety. He may never be able to walk in the sun, but he is free to make his own decisions that are driven by his choices. One of them being; wanting and loving you, living a full life with you, whatever that may entail.

If you went into the game thinking that Astarion will betray you no matter what then giving him the ascendant ending brings your fears to life. Astarion doesn't learn anything, by making him a full vampire, you basically tell him that he can only be powerful and worth something if he has super vampire powers, and in turn, you lose everything too. Astarion may have gained unparralled strength but now he has no need of you, you gave him everything he wanted and nothing he needed so now he can do whatever he wants with you because you are lesser than him, literally, he is much stronger than you are and his power will only grow as he discovers more of it. He tries to manipulate you into turning you into a spawn. A dialogue being:

TAV: After everything you went through with Cazador, you're going to make me a spawn?

ASTARION: Oh that was completely different, I'd never hurt you. I love you. That's what you've been waiting to hear, isn't it? That's what you want?

Which just shows you how he's only saying "I love you" because that's what you want to hear, so you agree to becoming his spawn. He doesn't mean it, it doesn't really have any feeling behind it whatsoever. And if he turns you into a spawn, you have basically lost everything. Because he is obsessive over you, he'll never let you go and since now he is properly evil, he likely won't turn you into a vampire either, even if he says he will.

This is just my take on the ending though, I think we can all agree the ascendant ending is the evil ending for his character, even if it is an ending you prefer. I'm not trying to hate on anyone who does like this ending, only stating that I think it is meant to be evil and I personally don't like it.

CONCLUSION

Once you get to truly know Astarion, he's a pretty decent guy. I can't speak much for people who didn't romance him, I'm not entirely sure how his non-romance route plays out. The good conclusion of his quest is so wholesome, where he says he feels "truly, honestly free" and tells you "you saved me from myself. This is a gift, you know, thank you. I won't forget it." getting full circle to the first time you let him bite you (the only time in my case.) It shows so much character development and pure joy in the way he thanks you (it doesn't need to be said but props to Neil Newbon for bringing the character to life.) He will always be a spawn and yet, he feels like "anything and everything is possible" because of you and the choices you made with him, you believed in him when he didn't believe in himself, you showed him that he is enough just the way he is and he doesn't need to become a full vampire to be strong and powerful. Astarion comes out of his finale, a much more positive person, who actually cares even if he won't show it and the best part is, he always keeps that tiny streak of evil and mischief within him. He hasn't lost sight of himself, he's just less spiteful now and feels free to actually enjoy life rather than constantly being scared of what might happen to him. He finds trust and happiness in you and it makes him happy that you find the same within him. You are his home and he hopes he is yours.

I understand that my analysis may not be perfect and my interpretation of the character may be different from someone else's but that's fine, he is a video game character that can be played so many ways and people can go around it however they like, interpret his character however they wish. This is just what I think.

NOTES

'Astarion needs your guidance.' - no, this is not gaslight-y. Astarion is a deeply troubled character and clearly finds it hard to differentiate between right and wrong. He often asks for your input and what you think by Act 2 which isn't a bad thing, he's asking for help and I think that shows how far he's come. In the final scene of his quest, he is overcome by the promise of power and the safety it would've provided which would've consumed him as it did Cazador, Astarion admits to this himself too later on once he can think clearly and is in a more positive mindset. There is nothing wrong with guiding your partner towards something that will eventually be better for their growth as a person in the long run.

[broodwoof]

things i really loved about veilguard

please. if you disagree, don't tell me. if you think i'm wrong, don't tell me. and not just me - don't do that to anyone. i am expressing my joy and excitement; posts like these are rarely invitations to disagree, and if people want that, they tend to be clear about asking for it

mythal! everything about her, genuinely. her outfit her voice her hair her personality her dialogue. ough. god i am obsessed with her

related, the page torn from a grimoire in the crossroads that feels like it was very likely written and left by flemythal c:

morrithal! i think it is incredibly profound that morrigan allowed that mythal aspect/a part of her mother to live on in her. i genuinely think this was a very, very deep and meaningful conclusion to morrigan's arc, one that emphasizes how much she's grown

literally all the lore. all of it!

the elven, dwarven, and grey warden were all some of my very favorites, but i genuinely love how we get so much more insight into everything

seeing titans!!! holy shit...

kal sharok!

the veil jumpers! i'm probably biased right now because my first rook was a vj, but also they compel me so much. they put themselves into such immense risk, and they do it to protect other people, to try and map and understand the irregularities of the fade/veil-impacted magic in arlathan, to understand more of elven history, and, yeah, probably because a lot of them are just genuinely interested in this stuff. as a faction, though, i suspect they will remain my favorite, or at least very up there. i genuinely love them so much, i find everything they do, everything they aspire to, everything they risk and why they risk it, to be so meaningful and profound

the options for the companions! i've only played through once and i chose what my rook would do; then i made a new rook (sybil) who would do everything different (except for the ending.... look i know what i want 😂) so i will see all the other choices and i'm! so! excited!!!! but rn i've only seen one version of each

however, i have so loved everything i've seen... 🥺 and yet! the other options look good and compelling, too! i just really love that nothing feels like it has one Bad Choice and one Good Choice

i love love LOVE the fact that neve is disabled! and that she and taash discuss it in banter! that is incredibly important to me

taashhhhh my everything.... beloved nonbinary dragon hunter.... they are so perfect. their entire arc feels so incredibly real to me, and so familiar; i'm not nonbinary, i'm a trans man, but the uncertainly, the frustration with womanhood, the assumption that everyone feels that way, the anger they begin to experience as they start identifying as nonbinary and realizing this was there their whole life and they just never knew... god i'm tearing up

also! shathann! i genuinely appreciate dragon age as a whole for having such complex and realistic examinations of family and parenthood

BELLARA!!! LUTARE!!!! i love everyone so incredibly much, but bellara means so much to me. i absolutely adore that this woman - who is very cute! in looks and in how she behaves at times! - is allowed to be so much more than just cute. she's allowed to be angry, vindicative, bitter; she's allowed to be panicked, uncertain, scared, reactive. she's allowed to be silly, discordant, erratic, passionate. she's allowed to have interests all her own, to develop relationships outside of the one she has with rook (whatever form it takes), and to have so much of her arc deal with her personal grief

also, i loved her romance. i thought it was perfect. she is grieving so incredibly much and the veilguard is fighting against her gods, people she grew up worshipping and admiring. depending on rook's background, they may be their gods, and certainly with her and davrin, it is their gods, but still; bellara is struggling, immensely, during the events of veilguard. a romantic relationship with rook is one small part of her life, however important it is to her, and she cannot put everything into it. and she's traumatized - she has relationship-specific trauma, and a firm belief that she will inevitably drive people away

all of the characters are so incredibly deep, but i feel like analyzing bel's character is just diving into a pool that keeps going down. i'm sure i could - and will - do this with all the companions - and many npcs! - but... i don't know! there is something deeply special to me about bel. i find it hard to make it clear just how much i value her and her inclusion in this game

also, this is a very small detail, but one thing i really love about veilguard's character design with bel is that her tits kinda sag. i noticed that immediately, bc i have never seen that in a game. again, small thing, but it's very important to me. tits sag! not just on old people, either!

[laereviewsrandomly]

Lae Reviews: The Doctor Who Season Finale: The Reality War

SPOILER-FREE REVIEW

I've sat through a lot in Doctor Who: the good, the bad and the ugly. I watched the Timeless Child stuff and thought they could go no lower; I was wrong. This episode was a mess. Belinda? Disrespected and forgotten. The Doctor? Doing things you don't think the Doctor would do. Ruby? Being a bit too forgiving for my liking. The episode is a follow-up to "Wish World", another episode I wasn't very happy with. They took an interesting concept and decided to take the worst possible route with it. I can safely say this finale did not feel like the original plan for the series, and it fails to save itself in any regard. Never in my life have I been actively angry at the way a Doctor Who episode has ended until this Saturday. It had me taking a walk to Tesco (big up Tesco) in pure shock as I could not believe what RTD had done to the series he helped create. NUMERICAL RATINGS: Characters: 3/10 Story: 2/10 Music: 7/10 Enjoyment: 1.5/10 Rewatchable?: Not for me. Overall: 3.375/10

SPOILER REVIEW AHEAD To the victor, go the spoilers...

This episode was so disrespectful to the characters that it's not even funny. Belinda, the woman who wanted her independence and made it clear she didn't want to be tied down by anything, suddenly loves being a mother and a wife. And then she's written out of most of the story, despite being the Doctor's main companion at the time, to be in a box? Seriously? The independent woman relegated to babysitting duty feels very weird to me. It was also weird that she went from not wanting marriage or children to suddenly loving having a kid. Not to mention that she got married to a random man we never see off-screen. The storyline provided to her is so unreasonably disrespectful to the character we met in "The Robot Revolution". I miss her every day. I really don't know what she did to RTD to deserve this massive mishandling, but it really does hurt.

The Doctor felt weird in this episode. I think it started when he used a laser gun against an ugly CGI monster, but you know, I might be mistaken. I was honestly flabbergasted when he just killed Omega. Like straight up, what? The man who hates to kill, kills without a second thought. Okay. Weird. What makes it worse is that he defeats the bad guy in the middle of the episode. Like, perfectly in the middle - I went back and checked. So now we just have half an episode of nothingness to sit through: no monster, just dumb yap.

What also bothered me about the Doctor was his regeneration. He was perfectly fine, no injuries or anything. He just decides to kill himself over a child that only existed for like two days. One could argue the love of a parent, but the child isn't even his when he returns her to the timeline. It all felt so pointless. The only saving grace of that scene was getting to see Jodie as the Doctor again. I love Thirteen, so it was the only point they got a proper smile out of me. It felt like RTD being like "we know you're going to hate this, let me jangle some keys in front of you so you don't pay too much attention."

Unfortunately for RTD, I am not a cat. I noticed, and I hated it. Fifteen also regenerates outside of the TARDIS, which honestly feels more dangerous for people than doing it on the inside, especially with the amount of energy he was releasing (good golly). The regeneration CGI also looked really ugly compared to the ones that came before, which is crazy, seeing as the "Whoinverse" is partially owned by Disney now. And regenerating into Billie Piper? Are you joking? Seriously. What kind of nostalgia trip is RTD on. What a disrespect to Ncuti man, having his era sandwiched by RTD's endless need to pat himself on the back. Such lazy writing. However, it did not call Billie Piper the Doctor in the credits sequence so I am willing to retract this statement if something of worth comes of it.

Ruby was one of the few aspects that didn't truly bother me about this episode until the end. I cannot believe she just forgives Conrad. Show some passion, woman! Get angry! You should be angry. Let out that rage queen! Forgive and forget? No! Hold grudges and hate! He was horrible, treat him as such!

The Rani was such a disappointment for me. After all this build-up over Fifteen's seasons, all these teases that she did: I expected so much more. Instead, we got like five minutes of screentime with her before she gets eaten by CGI Omega. I was so happy to have a female timelord for the Doctor to face, I loved it when he went up against Missy (I love you Missy), and then they barely face off? Honestly, they barely even shared a screen with one another. What a pointless villain with no payoff. She had the potential to be great and she was wasted by a plot that was too quick to wrap itself up.

Speaking of pointless, why was Omega even there? Was it literally just to eat the Rani? I don't think he was in the show for more than three minutes. All powerful founder of the timelords my arse. He came in and got beamed. He didn't even look like Omega from classic Who! There was no similarity whatsoever. They didn't even try! What is the point of bringing back this classic villain to make him unrecognisable and then kill him? Was this just one of RTD's childhood fantasies? It certainly felt like it.

Omega's original design.

Overall, this will definitely go down as one of the worst episodes of Doctor Who. From a messy plot to a straight Kate Lethbridge Stewart (what?), this episode had no idea what it wanted to do. I think it was definitely hindered by Ncuti leaving the show so early in his run, but it doesn't excuse bad writing. RTD had some serious hits back when he was writing the Tenth Doctor, but it feels like he forgot where he put his pen that actually works properly. This episode made it its mission to disrespect every single character on display, and you know what? It succeeded! Congrats RTD. You win.