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nemo-of-house-hamartia · 5 months

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Hi Nemo!! For your ask: 2, 12, 19, and 24❤️❤️❤️❤️

HELLO HELLO TK!

welcome welcome, and thank you for your ask! <3

So, lemme answer you right away! :D

2) A character whose POV you’re currently exploring

Well, considering the giga hyperfocus for Baldur's Gate 3 that has taken me recently, I am currently trying to explore the POVs of Aranea and Azriel. I don't truly plan on writing anything substantial with them (ah, last famous words lol), but writing down in their POV is helping me shape them and also hear their "voices", so that writing dialogues can become as easy as transcribing my own dictation! :)

12) A trope you’re really into right now

Uhm, I would say that recently I have been having my own fun with the whole trope of "Magic always Comes with a Price". One thing I always ALWAYS love to explore with my OCs and their loved ones is the fact that, whenever they do something to obtain what they want/need, there is always a price to pay for it, and that price would DEFINITELY put them in a pickle.

19) The most interesting topic you’ve researched for a fic

One of the most interesting topic I researched for a fic would definitely be anything connected to Demonology. It all started when I was in middle school, and we were studying Dante's Divina Commedia (to this day, one of my favourite books). From there, I jumped into "Paradise Lost" and "Paradise Found" by John Milton and then "The Lesser Key of Solomon", while also expanding and researching the whole concept of Demons in various other religions. It was truly interesting. It's also very good material for all my Supernatural AUs, and it's coming particularly in hand now that I am working with both Azriel and Aranea (See, this is what happens when you send your children to Catholic School with nuns! 😂😂😂). Another topic that I ABSOLUTELY adored studying for a fic was about the Silk Roads and the Ancient Trade Routes that basically connected the entire old Eurasian Continent and how they contributed to the import and export of SO MANY THINGS. (and for this, I need to thank my time in Saudi Arabia and the chance I had to visit museums about the Golden Age of Islam. It helped me understand better how interconnected we all are as a civilization :) )

24) how do you recharge when you’re not feeling creative?

Well, it depends. If I don't feel particularly inspired in the Writing field, then I try to still put my brain to good use and work on the designs of my characters, either researching more for them or drawing.

If I feel that I need to recharge from both drawing AND writing, then I still try to keep my brain focused on whatever I am hyperfocusing on by reading and researching what might be useful to expand on my characters' backgrounds; or, like in the case of my recent BG3 fixation, try and keep up with the lore, so that my characters make sense within the context of the game (which is also a reason as to why I haven't shared much about them yet. I want to have something well done and at least partially refined, before getting it all out :) And since I am working on 4 new characters - Aranea, Azriel, Nerynnes and Ophelia- alongside others, it's taking a bit of my time loll).

Thank you so much for your questions, TK! <3

it felt refreshing and I had so much fun answering them <3

--Nemo

#Nemo babbles #Ask game #Friends #Please do not hesitate to send others #it helps declutter the whole mess that my brain is

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rockinlibrarian · 2 years

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5,6,7 for the wip ask game 😊

Yayyyyyy, thanks for asking!

5. do you listen to music while writing or no? if yes, what’s your favorite kind of music to listen to? Sometimes-- it depends what else is going on around me and how hyperfocused I am. Lyrics make things difficult, so I have a playlist on my computer just of instrumental music. There's a wide variety of instrumental music, though, so it will jump from, like, Handel to my cousin's space-acid rock. I just noticed The Chicken Dance is on this list, too. I should probably remove that, it can't be good for concentration.

6. write 3 sentences of any wip you’d like, post it in the answer. Ohhh, tricky, it's making you write NEW sentences. Okay, I recently started writing this little one--I've been working on a much longer piece (it's Five-centric TUA, rebel-by-default!) that's currently with a beta reader, and I said I'd noodle with this little one when that one is done as a breather, so here, this is from what will most likely just be called "Child of Hypnos" because that's basically the point of it, it's somewhat-author-insert Riordanverse fic-- you'll see the character is NOT me, as they're talking about their father who is Hypnos God of Sleep and Dreams, and although my father has been on my mind quite a bit lately, the only dreams I've had of him recently are of him being sick and are not him visiting me I'm pretty sure because that would be depressing, anyhoo:

“I wonder if knowing your father’s family history would help us,” my mom said. “If only I could remember his name….” “Mom! I told you. It’s okay. I have all the relationship with my Dad I need.” She sighed. I know she thinks I just don’t know what I’m missing or whatever, but it’s true. I see Dad all the time. The first time I met him, I was having a nightmare

There, that's technically more than three sentences, but dialogue sentences are short. I'll need to put more thought into the details of that nightmare.

7. do you outline before writing? if so, what’s your outlining process like? Not usually. For fiction I'll start just freewriting a scene to get the feel of the piece. If it seems like it's going to be long, or if it needs to hit certain beats because it's a retelling of something (like The Sound of Music at The Umbrella Academy), or if it has a specific structure (like a ballad, speaking of the Riordan-verse), then I'll make a basic outline just so I remember all the beats I need to hit, and I'll often make a new scrivener doc for each beat. Here's what my Scrivener sidebar looks like for said tSoM at TUA fic:

There actually is a whole doc called "outline," too, which is mostly notes under which beat they might pertain to. Anyway, though, shorter or less complex pieces will just be freestyled. Nonfiction I brainstorm all the points I need to make and sometimes write them separately and then put them in order, which is sort of working from an outline but sort of not?

YOU can ask me stuff, too! Here's this WIP Ask. Here are several other recent ask games because I'm a sucker for them!

#writing #ask game

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wisteria-lodge · 4 years

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snake primary (bird model) + lion secondary (bird model)

I’m feeling really lost when it comes to my secondary. I’m fairly sure I’m a Snake Primary with a strong Bird model. But My secondary is tripping me up and I think it has a lot to do with the fact that I’ve been severely depressed for about 6 years, dealing with PTSD for 12, and dealing with anxiety since middle school. I’m also getting evaluated for ADHD. I’m getting help so don’t worry. So, here we go.

You seem pretty okay. I’ll keep an eye out for possible burning though.

Bird: I do think I have a Bird model. I plan things, I research the heck out of things when I need to make a decision, I’m always asking for advice (like now…), etc. But a lot of that seems driven by anxiety and fear of messing up. I literally never asked for advice until middle school, which was when the anxiety started.

We have us a Bird secondary model that you built as a coping mechanism.

I do love to learn languages and I like to watch videos on YouTube about historical fashion and stuff like that. I used to read constantly but I’m so burned out that lately I haven’t read much. If I have a new interest, I can never do things by halves. I also have a huge cookbook collection and a huge collection of quotes on Evernote. I love puzzles and figuring things out. But yeah sometimes I’ll just be like “let’s check every book about tea/socialism/the regency era out of the library.” Then I text my Double Badger friend who is super into tea about it and she responds, “Just enjoy drinking your tea, what are you doing??” Okay now I’ve confused myself and I’m wondering if I really am a Bird. Or maybe that’s all ADHD hyperfocusing. Probably? Ugh. Who am I??

So your Bird model is also something you use to play, that’s good. And you love being social too. People focused Bird?

I don’t think I do the Bird Actor thing, though occasionally I’ll pretend to be a character for fun when I’m walking on the sidewalk or something. And I’m not a strategist? When I play chess or RPGs or write I just kind of try to go for it and figure it out along the way.

You’ve got a bit of an improv-for-fun thing going on. Snake? Lion?

But that doesn’t always end up working so I do now plan out my longer pieces of writing to avoid plotholes and getting off track.

Coping mechanism Bird secondary model.

I’m very conscious of how I frame things. Like if I sense incoming drama, I make sure to speak up first and frame things in my favor so that people will be on my side. It’s not automatic, though. Like as soon as I realize there’s going to be some sort of confrontation, I’m thinking to myself very quickly, “Okay. To get people on my side I need to talk to them before the other person does and frame things X way and make these facial expressions.” Usually this does not involve lying, just telling the truth in a way that favors me.

This honestly sounds pretty Actor Bird. This sort of thing is a lot more… automatic, if you’re doing it though a Snake or a Badger secondary.

I was a terrible liar until high school when I made the effort to learn how to lie effectively

Here’s that Bird secondary again, picking up the slack.

I do feel like I tend to reflect people a little, though? Like if people are talking about politics and make it clear they’re super conservative, I will just talk about the few things that I agree with.

That could point to Courtier Badger…

I don’t like arguing with people anymore because I’m scared they won’t like me or will be offended. This goes double after the last two elections when multiple people dropped me for disagreeing with them and other people said I made them uncomfortable for…having what I see as generic normal opinions. I’m also just not good at thinking up arguments on the fly at all because everything gets all jumbled in my head and I forget details so arguing makes me feel stupid. I tried to do debate one year in school… Oh man what a disaster. If I’m arguing in writing though and I can look stuff up? They better watch out.

Wait, whoa. You like arguing for fun? And the only reason you don’t is because things got more intense after the last election + arguing in real time is annoying since sometimes your memory doesn’t cooperate? Oh that’s Lion. Lion secondary or Lion secondary model.

At the core of it though, I don’t really lie unless it has a purpose (getting something I can’t get otherwise, trolling friends for a laugh, avoiding punishment) and isn’t a big deal.

“trolling friends for a laugh” sounds pretty darn Lion secondary. As does the implied getting-into-trouble that “avoiding punishment” would require.

Will I answer on a form that I’m x religion that I was raised as to get into a Facebook group I really want to be in? Yes. If someone straight up asked me what religion I am currently practicing? I would NEVER lie about that. The thought makes me feel physically ill. I also lost those family members because the thought of pretending I liked the loser of our recent election was disgusting. And if I truly hate someone because they deeply hurt me or a loved one, nothing can make me pretend to like them. The most I can do is be coldly polite in that situation and usually I can’t even manage that.

That’s Lion. I could see that go back to either a Lion primary or secondary, but if you’re happy with your Snake primary, I’m going to put down another point for Lion.

But like…would I lie about my address to get a library card for the much better county library system next to my tiny independent city? (My state is weirdly structured). No guilt at the thought of that and I’ve seriously considered it but they require proof of address.

You’re a little bit of a rule-breaker, aren’t you? And that’s a side of yourself you really like. That’s Lion.

Basically if it will help me get something I need, I’ll feel better about lying, but otherwise I feel uncomfortable and usually I try to be at least “technically” truthful. Which sounds sort of Lion? Oh wow I thought I was going to be asking about Snake vs Badger but instead it’s Bird vs Lion.

…ADHD Lion with fun and helpful Bird model? IDK.

I think so :)

#sortinghatchats #sortme #wisteria sorts #lion secondary #bird secondary model #snake primary #snake lion #adhd stuff #submission

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sometimesrosy · 4 years

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I have bouts of unhappiness from time to time, now more frequently than not. For more than a year, I haven’t talked to friends because of COVID and confinement. All of the friends I talk to are online, but there’s no human contact. One of them is spanish, so we never talked any other way. The others are mostly my boyfriend’s friends with whom we talk on discord. I only see my mom, grandma, boyfriend, and my cats. I work at a study center, but now even the kids I talk to through zoom because of a new confinement. I’ve been feeling pretty low and without a drive in life. I stopped reading, I stopped bullet journaling, I stopped writing, I stopped watching movies and tv. Recently I’ve started streaming video games, and honestly it’s the only thing that keeps me doing something outside of work, but I wonder when will I give up on it too. I’d like to blame this on the confinement, but even before we had it, I had already isolated myself from people. It’s really easy to feel lonely, to feel like I can’t connect. I know it’s not depression because I’ve had and I hit rock bottom then, so I know I’m better. I lost friends along my life, but most of it was for the best. I have found a life partner that treats me 100% well and who gave the best kitties I could have ever asked for. I have a mom that does anything and everything for me, a grandma that cooks for me, a house with fast internet. I have a job and students that like me. And yet, sometimes I feel like I’m here doing nothing? As if I have no purpose? I have so many interests it kills me to never be satisfied. I honestly think this is my problem. Anyway, I’m so sorry for the rant. I just felt I needed to let it out somehow. I know tomorrow I’ll wake up fine, but next week I’ll have another day like this. For now, I’m going to bed and cuddle with my boyfriend and kitties. I just wish I could change my perspective these days I’m feeling down. I don’t need to have a purpose, I don’t need to commit to hobbies. I don’t need to expect something of myself when I don’t even know what it is. Thank you for “hearing” me out. Please never delete this blog!

So here’s the thing I want you to remember:

You are living through unprecedented times. The pressures of a global pandemic, national upheaval, cultural revolution and environmental extremes have us ALL on edge.

When you take stock of your life, as you have here, you can see you’re doing pretty well. You have love and family and work and security and safety and the best kitties in the world, right? You KNOW depression and this isn’t it somehow.

And yet, you seem to think that you have to look for *your* problem, the reason why *you* particularly are feeling this way.

Nope. It’s not you. There’s not something wrong with you that isn’t wrong with everyone.

Now, I’m not a therapist, I’m not making a diagnosis here, but before this pandemic thing, there was a lot of upheaval in my life and I worked through it, leaving me in a really good position to ride out this global disaster that I wouldn’t have been in before. I mean it wasn’t good, but it’s like I experienced it before everyone else so am already on the way to healing from it while everyone else is falling into it. So from my experience and the research I have had to do for my own health and well being, what I think you’re experiencing is ANXIETY.

I think that because you told me you stopped doing the things you love, reading, bullet journaling, writing, movies and tv. That happened to me too. I mean aside from hyperfocusing on writing. It was rather stressful to STOP reading for me. And I kept feeling like something was wrong with me, then I discovered that not being able to focus on reading is actually a symptom of anxiety. And it’s common now. The world feels out of control and you feel like you should be doing something to fix it, only you can’t, and focusing on the things that are part of your life feels insufficient. You’re overwhelmed. Actually, there’s probably a bit of depression in there, too.

But I do know that I needed to read and watch COMFORT content. Something I’ve already read, or a literature genre that wraps everything up neatly in the end. For me, Historical Romance, because I need the Happy Ever After and I need the problems to be distant enough from my reality to not affect me. In fact, when I read a book that touches on traumas that are too close to real for me, I get tense and can’t continue. (I had this problem last week with a romance set in the civil war. I just can’t handle fictional racism and brutality in my escapism book when I’m trying to escape IRL racism and brutality. I think it’s because the MC was traumatized by it, where in the other books in the series, the characters were fighting it. Anyway, good books, The Loyal League Books by Alyssa Cole, the last is just hitting some of my triggers.)

Still, I find myself unable to read science fiction or fantasy. I can ONLY read romance. It’s very weird for me, because I love SFF. But my brain is struggling to handle all the real life chaos, and there’s really no room in it right now to have comprehend the big thoughts and new universes of SFF. So when Bridgertons showed up, which is my perfect genre right now, and which I’ve already READ multiple times, so it isn’t even new material for me, THAT is the kind of thing I can watch. Superhero shows where I already know the characters. Fanfiction where it’s just two characters falling in love over and over again.

I dont’ mean to talk about myself, but as an illustration, I wanted to show you. You are overwhelmed and your brain wants to rest. Video games seems to provide that. Okay! Keep doing that. Just like I finally had to sign up for kindle unlimited so that I could zoom through all the romance books for comfort reading without having to buy new ones all the time.

This is how you are coping.

And if I read your ask right. You’re a teacher. I dont’ know what kind of teacher or if you’re irl or distance teaching, but I do know that the stress of teaching in this pandemic is INCREDIBLE. Shoot, normal teaching is demanding enough, add the pandemic and OUCH. So I think you should recognize that you are a front line worker in keeping society running. You honestly don’t need to have a higher purpose than that... if you feel like you need to be DOING something important. You already are.

Everyone can only do what they are capable of. Some people are in politics, some people are developing vaccines, some people are stocking shelves, some people are teaching, some people are raising kids, some people are volunteering. You don’t have to do it all. Find your place in your world and accept that you are contributing.

What you need to do right now is to take care of yourself. You MUST have time to relax. Value your family and boyfriend and kitties, just like you say. Rest, relax. Do NOT burn out. Stay healthy. That is important especially now. Eat right and drink water and sleep enough.

I think you’re right. It is a matter of your perspective. You’ve forgotten that your life has turned upside down. You’re expecting activity/energy levels from yourself that you had before the world was a flaming dumpster fire. But so much of your current energy is going to surviving in that flaming dumpster fire.

EVERYONE is trying to survive right now, even when we have relatively comfortable situations. Recognize that and give yourself a break.

#survival #anxiety #depression #pandemic #deep breath and go play some video games cuddle your cats and hug your boyfriend

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fear-and-control · 6 years

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Tucked away in some miserable corner of the Bowery, underneath a flickering and faltering neon sign, The Jackal’s Den was no luxury establishment, nor did it made any attempt to appear so. Inside it was rough hewn, little more than a brick and mortar hole in the wall covered in fifteen years worth of grime covered up with a thin layer of dull green paint. A dozen or so tables were scattered across carpet that looked as if it hadn’t been cleaned since it had been installed and reeked of tobacco smoke. In the back corner, a beaten-down jukebox churned out a Pink Floyd song, barely heard over the dull roar of the crowd; for even though it was 1 AM on a Sunday night, the place was still packed with all manners of people. Here, in the underbelly of the Bowery, lawyers looking to start affairs that would end badly rubbed shoulders with petty criminals, college students seeking a taste of the wild side sat side-by-side with pot-bellied porters, and, sometimes, henchmen went to drown their sorrows away. In a sea of faces it was easy to go unnoticed, and no sea was as tumultuous as The Jackal’s Den.

Tracy Crowne had figured out as much a long time ago. The run-down joint also had the benefit of being only three blocks away from the small one-room apartment she and her family shared. Boston and Mary had both gone to sleep more than two hours ago, and it was a simple matter to slip away without disturbing them. She would be back before either of them ever realized she had been gone. That was what she told herself, at least. She sat squarely on one of the rickety stools at the back, slumped over on her elbows across the halfway-polished surface of the bar as she nursed a beer. One of the TVs overhead was blaring a re-run of a football game from last week that she hadn’t caught; the Gotham Goliaths were playing the Detroit Lions and losing (how did you lose to the Lions?), but Crowne couldn’t quite bring herself to care. Instead she stared blankly ahead, transfixed as the flashing lights on the screen, the chatter of the couple at the table behind her, the strong scent of the beer bottle in her hand, all blended together into a dull phantasmagoria, until one was indistinguishable from the next. She hardly even noticed the man who slid onto the empty bar stool at her side; that is, until he spoke.

“One cockroach on the rocks, if ya please.”

The girl behind the bar nodded, but Crowne shook out of her stupor as if she’d been struck. There was absolutely no way she could mistake that voice for anyone else’s. Sure enough, she looked over to see none other than Jonathan Crane, wearing a threadbare flannel and a pair of tattered jeans (with that same damn jacket he always wore- what was he, a comic book character?), situated at her left. So much for petty criminals and henchmen only.

“Dr. Crane?” Crowne hissed. Running into your boss outside of work was already embarrassing when you worked a regular desk job, but in her line of work it was downright mortifying. Yet as much as would have liked to simply pretend he wasn’t there, there was always the off chance that he had purposefully sought her out for some job, and it would be the highest form of insolence to ignore him. Perhaps she’d spoken too soon, however, for when Crane turned to look her way, he seemed just as surprised to see her as she was, if not more.

“Crowne?” he asked, raising an eyebrow. “What’re you doin’ here?”

Dammit, she should’ve just kept her mouth shut. Quickly Crowne pushed herself off her elbows, trying to maintain some pretense of dignity or self-respect. “Oh, I’m just, y’know…” Trailing off, she raised the half-empty bottle in her hand in answer before clearing her throat. Oh, wasn’t this just wonderful? Of all of the people she could have run into…

To her great surprise, Crane simply nodded, propping one elbow up on the bar and resting his chin in his hand. Hmm. That was somewhat uncharacteristic. Over the years, Crowne had seen Crane in some fairly compromising positions, but only on a few occasions had she seen him so...strangely subdued. Bolstered by his unusually tame demeanor and a rare stroke of bravery, Crowne ventured further.

“What, uhh...what about you?”

For a moment Crane only looked at her, and Crowne was suddenly afraid she’d gone too far. She studied him quickly for any of the small warning signs she had learned to search for over the years- the slight twinge of his jaw, the slightest twitch in his right eye, that sudden stillness that seemed to seize him before he erupted- but found nothing. Instead he merely sighed.

“Same as you, I s’pose,” Crane conceded. “Jus’ one of those nights.”

“Just one of those nights,” Crowne agreed.

“Better t’ drink alone in public than private, innit it?”

“I’ll drink to that.” With a bit of a rueful laugh, Crowne took a long pull from her bottle.

This entire situation was incredibly surreal. Crowne was keenly aware that she much more involved in the mechanisms of Crane’s plans- indeed, she’d worked very hard to become so- but that necessarily meant that she knew Crane far better than most people (besides at least a few of his fellow rogues) would ever care to. There was no denying that Crane was a terrible man, capable of things that made her blood run cold, but that was just what he was- a man. He could cultivate his persona all he liked to the public eye, but Crowne had seen him behind closed doors...and now, here.

She knew, as well, that her proximity to Crane had earned her more than a few reputations, however inaccurate. Her coworkers, especially Stone and Winters, had made it abundantly clear just what sort of favors they thought she was performing for Crane to earn her promotions, and however mortifying those rumors were, even more stupefying was the moniker she had heard circulating through Gotham’s chattering underworld most recently. Jonathan Crane’s red right hand, they called her. Truthfully, she wasn’t sure whether she’d earned that one or not. She’d been caught in her fair share of shoot-outs, sure, but it was hard to tell if she had actually ever succeeded in killing someone. God, she hoped not.

Before long the girl behind the bar had returned with Crane’s drink, sliding it across the bar to him with a practiced smile that Crowne was sure was an attempt to squeeze a tip out of him that absolutely would not work. Sure enough, he barely gave her a nod before raising the glass to his lips, downing half the drink before slamming it back down with a hard clack.

“Jesus,” Crowne muttered.

“What?” Crane said, raising an eyebrow in her direction.

“I think I got drunk just looking at that. What is it, absinthe?”

“What’s yours, apple juice?”

For a moment, Crowne just stared. Had he really just…? Yes, he really had. Perhaps it was the alcohol, but she couldn’t help it after that- Crowne snorted, and then burst out laughing.

“What’s so funny?” Crane asked, but even the hint of a smile was playing on his lips. God, this was so strange.

“Well, it’s just…” Crowne began, leaning back a bit incredulously. “I don’t think I’ve ever heard you crack a joke before.”

“Does happen from time t’ time, believe it or not.”

“Not at work?”

“Not typically, no. I start doin’ it, and then suddenly everyone thinks they’re a comedian.”

Taking another swig from her bottle, Crowne swiveled so that she was leaning sideways against the counter, facing Crane head-on. “God, you should hear some of things Jackal says when we’re playing cards.”

Crane smirked. “Why, is he any good?”

“Oh, God no,” Crowne said. “It’s pathetic.”

“Figures,” Crane said, with a rare laugh. “He’s a bit of an idiot.”

“That’s giving him too much credit,” Crowne said, then shifted her attention back to Crane’s drink. “But seriously, what’s even in that? It smells like it should come with a flammability warning.”

“Bourbon and rum,” Crane said. Slowly his face fell, and stared down at the deep brown concoction for a moment, swirling his glass slightly. “It’s not a secret that my brain don’t work like it’s s’posed to all the time. Sometimes it gets a bit...loud. Drinkin’ helps.”

Crowne nodded. She was well aware that Crane had more than a few issues to deal with. Obviously he was always sent to Arkham, not Blackgate, and anyone who ran around in burlap had something to work through, but it went deeper than that. She’d had more than her fair share of run-ins with Scarecrow, and she’d known Crane to stay up for days at a time, seemingly hyperfocused on his work, before collapsing in a stupor after he’d done whatever he’d been trying to do. She’d even been sent on the occasional run to “pick up,” (read: steal), medication for him from the various pharmacies in the Narrows. Now, she was no expert, but she was fairly certain that drinking hard liquor and rum was hardly the best way to go about alleviating one’s symptoms. Not that she would ever say that out loud, of course.

“I’m here to get drunk as fast as possible,” Crane continued.

“I’ll drink to that,” Crowne said, downing the last of her bottle. For a long moment silence fell between them, filled only by the constant chatter and dull roar of the bar behind them, all blending together once again in such a way that Crowne couldn’t quite blame it on the alcohol.

God, she needed to tell someone, even if it was Jonathan Crane.

“My sister decided to stop getting treatment today,” Crowne said.

“How sick is she?” Crane asked. If he looked her way, Crowne couldn’t tell. She stared straight ahead at one of the TV screen over their heads.

“She’s got late-stage leukemia,” Crowne said. “I guess I’ve kind of known she was going to die for a while now, but it just feels more...final now, y’know?” She pressed her forehead to the neck of her now-empty bottle with a humorless laugh. “And now instead of being home with her, I’m out here getting drunk. And she’s just...she’s handling it so well, and I don’t know how. She just signed her own death warrant, and she’s at home like everything’s alright, and I’m out here drinking alone in a bar full of people, like that makes it better.”

For a long time, there was no response, and Crowne could’ve believed that Crane had left, but then the moment passed, and he’d waved over the bartender.

“Another drink for my friend, please. Put it on my bill.”

Crowne lifted her head, looking at Crane as if he’d just grown a second head.

“What is it?” he asked.

“No, it’s nothing, just...thank you.”

“Don’t mention it.”

Crowne supposed he meant that seriously. She nodded, sitting up just as the bartender arrived with another bottle. Popping the cap off, she slid it across the counter to Crowne, who offered a bit of a sheepish nod before turning to Crane. Holding her bottle up, she chuckled a bit ruefully.

“Here’s to drinking alone, together,” Crowne said.

“I’ll drink t’ that.”

Across the bar, hidden amongst the throng, a pair of bright eyes observed the pair. A single hooded figure sat alone at one of the round tables in the corner of the room with a burgundy glass filled with rich red wine. In one languid motion they lifted the glass to their lips, and a sly grin crept across their face.

#plots and ploys #red right hand (tracy crowne)

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ladyofpurple · 6 years

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GIRL ITS BEEN MONTHS SINCE YOU UPDATED TPOY!! please tell me you haven’t given up on it )-:

I KNOW IM REALLY SORRY OMG

This took a bit longer to answer than it should have because I was trying to figure out how to reply, I guess?? The short answer is basically that writing bits of fic during my exams when I didn’t actually have the time to was super productive, mainly because I Didn’t Want To Do The Thing but my entire future hinged on Doing The Thing and anxiety-driven avoidance is excellent creative fuel, apparently. The problem is, of course, that once I finished and started getting my results back and actually had time to breathe again my brain kinda fizzled out and I never wanted to look at a Word document ever again in my life. Writing is really hard right now, for some reason. And not just TPoy — everything I try to write either gives me a headache, makes every idea I’ve ever had go flying out the window like magic, or looks like absolute garbage to me. (I’ve been trying, though, I promise!!!) There is more TPoY, though!! I swear to God!! It’s just coming along a little slower than anticipated.

The long answer is... a little more complicated and probably more than you’re interested in, and the main reason is the short one anyway. But I’ll put a long answer under a cut just in case (aka the entire history of TPoY lol), since I’ve lowkey wanted to post about it for a while now but didn’t quite know how to? May get a little very personal, I suppose.

Basically, TPoY is and always has been a garbage fic. I don’t say that to disparage my own writing or attempt to elicit praise from anyone: I have always considered it a glorious dumpster fire of experimentation, a ridiculous Frankenstein’s monster of all my favorite ML tropes as a practice run, since it had been so long since attempting to write anything at all. I’m thrilled that people like it, of course! Whenever people send me asks about it my answers always involve a lot of exclamation points and variations on “I AM CURRENTLY SOBBING ON THE FLOOR IN GRATITUDE” because I honestly have no idea how to express how genuinely teary-eyed I get when someone tells me how much they like it, or post a comment. That being said, it was always intended for my own amusement and/or therapy, and that it’s gotten so many bookmarks and kudos and comments is incredibly surreal, even after a whole year.

When I started writing it, I was working through a lot of stuff. My first boyfriend had broken up with me, and as we lived together in his hometown I was stuck there on my own for another year before I could move back home. 2016 was filled with a lot of horrifying shit that kept happening one after the other and I eventually almost had to drop out of school because I couldn’t handle it all. The relationship was pretty toxic but all I knew at the time was that I was scared and alone and heartbroken.

When I started writing, it was after 8 months of the worst bout of depression I’ve ever experienced, and I still wasn’t well, but I functioned passably enough to start hyperfocusing on things. I had an idea about a fic I suddenly wanted to write, and it would have a happy ending and all, but I could work through my feelings in a way I hadn’t tried to since before my ex and I got together. I pulled a lot of the start of the fic (the rejection, the miscommunication, the avoidance) from my recent breakup, yes, but also from my first rejection, aka the only other boy I’d liked enough to confess my feelings to. We were 17, and he admitted that he knew, and then suddenly we weren’t friends anymore. A year and a half later, I got together with my ex, and suddenly after three years of dedicating my life to “us” on his whims he was ghosting me without explanation.

I see a lot of myself in Marinette at that age. The awkwardness, the enthusiasm, the incredibly obvious lovesick obsession with a cute boy who’s nice to you. I wondered if maybe she would react the same, if put into similar circumstances as I had been. Focus on the self-doubt that would follow, based on insecurities she’s already shown in the show — coupled with your standard teenage hormone-fest —and you’d have a fabulous starter for angstfic and a free therapy session all in one.

The problem with that is nobody knows this backstory but me. People focusing on Marinette’s insecurities is nothing new. Other people are annoyed it’s such a popular trope. And the fact that I’ve chosen to focus on certain aspects of the main characters’ identities for the purposes of a story I started on a whim has been making me insecure for a long time because people in the fandom are tired of those characterizations. I’ve never gotten hate comments —I don’t even remember ever getting constructive criticism on TPoY. But I’m well aware that the plot is far from original and definitely lacking in certain places, and as the comments roll in and the hits go up my anxiety mounts because oh my God I’m that guy in the fandom.

I always intended on focusing on different aspects of their characterizations in different fics to suit the plot, y’know? Not ignoring parts of their personalities, but just... emphasizing other parts. But TPoY is the one most people have read. I have a couple one-shots where I tried to do something like that, with different aspects of their characters, but short one-shots can’t really compare to a 100,000+ word WIP, even if they even slightly compared in popularity (they don’t). So my only notable contribution to the fandom is TPoY. And that makes me anxious.

Then there’s the Frankenstein-like obsession with adding every trope I’ve ever wanted to write in a fic like this. I’ve mentioned before that the original plan for this was, like, 10-15 chapters at most. But every chapter I write I’m like, “But what if I did this???” Like I said, I never intended it to be even remotely popular. The only other fandoms I’ve written for are microscopic in comparison. I had no frame of reference for a pairing this big — all my previous experience was from Fanfiction.net, for Christ’s sake. I assumed I wouldn’t finish it, and even getting to chapter 6 was a surprise. But that hyperfocus somehow held on for dear life and I was banging out chapters like nobody’s business. And people were responding to it. And I think that kind of went to my head a little? Not like in an “I deserve all this attention” kind of way, but more like a “People like?? This thing I’m doing??? I cannot squander this opportunity, I must give them m o r e” kind of way. It was the best I’d felt since the breakup and I didn’t really think I deserved it, so I kind of wanted to... prove I did, I guess, by writing everything I’d ever wanted in a lovesquare fic in hopes that people would keep liking it and me and I’d keep feeling nice. (I mean, I’d planned to add in a ridiculous amount of tropes anyway, I just ended up adding a lot more than I’d planned.)

On the one hand, people go nuts for that shit. On the other, it’s getting harder and harder to justify cramming all this shit into the same fic. This compulsion keeps fucking me over by giving me spur-of-the-moment ideas for sub-plots I never wanted and certainly didn’t properly think through before posting the foreshadowing or setup for — yet at the same time they’re usually thought of and integrated several chapters in advance so I can’t just... leave them out? And part of me kind of doesn’t want to?? And I’m trying with every fiber in my being not to rewrite just the first 3 chapters, let alone the entire fic. A side-effect of my FF.net history at 13 was Never Edit Anything. Yeah, I’ll do some spell-check. Maybe some rewording here and there. Sometimes I’ll post a chapter and come back sporadically over the next few days to change out some punctuation or whatever. But if I don’t like a section after writing for a while? Throw the Whole Ass Chapter out. After it’s posted? This Is Your Life Now.

let’s not talk about how everything after chapter 27 was supposed to go very differently

Never mind that, after writing a hundred thousand goddamn words in a year, one’s writing skill tends to evolve and increase over time. Not just in regards to vocabulary, but with consistency and pacing and structure. This means, of course, that I can’t ever reread my own writing without the Evil Writing Goblin in my brain telling me to start the whole thing over from scratch. It’s fine.

I suppose I could get a beta, but I’m very bad at taking critique and as I’m even worse at talking to people than I am at posting on time I don’t think that would work out very well.

The point of this goddamn novel is that TPoY means a lot to me, probably a lot more than people realize. It’s kinda dumb and very cheesy and absurdly long, but it was the first real thing I did for myself after my whole life fell apart. I will finish it!!

But it’s hard to write it right now. I’m trying— I’m writing four chapters at the same time right now (a bit less than 10,000 words combined at current count). I don’t want to try to rewrite the whole fic or keep “mischaracterizing” the characters or lose the suspense I’ve tried to build (or, God forbid, try to keep interest so hard it hurts the rest of the fic) and risk alienating readers. I can’t stress enough how much these supportive comments mean to me, even on something as silly as a fanfic. But I also don’t want to force myself to write it or write something just because other people might or might not like it and risk alienating me. So I’m stuck at a kind of anxiety-induced impasse with myself that’s just made worse by the fact that I’m having trouble writing anything at all at the moment.

Jesus Christ this was longer than I meant it to be. Please don’t take this as a pity-party or anything. I don’t want sympathy or, I don’t know, reassurance or anything, I just wanted everything to be Out There because it really is the most in-depth response I could give and y’all deserve an honest answer. Some of you guys have been reading since the beginning and I can’t express how much that means to me. I feel really bad when I haven’t updated in a long time, because I know my fic makes some people really happy!

And PLEASE don’t take this as a “STOP ASKING ME ABOUT TPOY GODDAMMIT” because this is the opposite of that. I FUCKING LOVE IT WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME ABOUT TPOY. I L I V E FOR IT. But it sucks when the only answer I have is “I don’t know when it’ll be up, sorry :( ”

I mean, that’ll probably still be the answer I give, unless I by some miraculous (heh) stroke of luck) start hyperfocusing on writing again.

But at least y’all kinda know why now.

#did someone call for Too Much Information??#BUT THANK YOU FOR YOUR MESSAGE I LOVE AND APPRECIATE YOU #I HOPE THAT ANSWERS YOUR QUESTION #[SEVERAL HEART EMOJIS]#tpoy fic #anon good nurse #Lady answers stuff

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lisawellinger26-blog · 6 years

Text

Catching Up and a Hello to 2019!

Happy New Year to you! I hope that the holidays have left you with a full love tank and that your 2019 is off to an incredible start! Oh, how I have missed you all so very much!

It always feels a little awkward coming back from an extended break, especially when they are unplanned and much longer than ever anticipated. Truth be told I have always had huge goals and amazing intentions for this small slice of the internet, but 2018 just wasn't meant to be my year (again, womp womp). For someone who is generally an energetic go-getter, learning to navigate the past few years has been a true personal challenge and journey. And having to do it online has been flat out tough, especially when I am trying to walk the line of personal and professional in front of an audience. If I have learned anything, it's that no matter how much you plan, life can change those plans in an instant. And as a self-proclaimed planning obsessed girl, that has been a hard pill to swallow. I am not 100% ready to dive into my absence, although I hope to someday down the road. Just know that your support is deeply cherished and I appreciate those of you who continue to check-in. The outpouring of love, comments, emails, DM's, etc, has been so overwhelming over the past couple of months, and for that, I am eternally grateful. They continue to uplift and encourage and I truly hope that THIS IS THE YEAR that I can give that back to you.

____________________

I have a few things to cover since I have been away, so let's begin with Christmas decor storage.

I have never been a minimalist by any means and I truly enjoy layering our home with our character and personality. At the same time, I am making 2019 the year to reduce and streamline. This last Christmas I only put up a fraction of our decor, and I noticed that our time entertaining and enjoying the holidays wasn't at all negatively impacted. I also appreciated that it took much less time to pack everything up this past weekend! Keeping it understated was refreshing and allowed me to focus on what really mattered most to me, and it was also the most relaxed I have been during the holiday season in years. I definitely need to continue to remember this and apply that understanding to more areas of my life this coming year! I know some of you probably had your decor packed up December 26th, but for those of you who extend the season and enjoy the layers a little longer, I thought I would share my top Christmas decor storage tips (a refresh of this post here). And if you already have everything packed away, tuck these tips in your pocket for next year (or give your bins a quick remix when the mood strikes).

CLEAR STORAGE BINS

For so many years I selected solid bins because I didn't like the visual clutter that generally comes with the clear versions. A few years ago I decided to give clear bins a whirl (I love these) and it really has been so helpful! I appreciate that I can get a quick idea of the contents without having to do any rummaging or digging.

LABEL

Even though the bins are clear, and some of the contents are simple and obvious, other bins still have a mixture of items such as ornaments, embellishments for different trees, stockings, garland varieties, books, wreaths, ribbon, tree skirts, lights, etc... Therefore, labels can help to differentiate categories and assign items/bins to specific areas of the house. This year I updated my labels to an editable version, that way I can just type the contents, print them out and slide them into the label sleeve attached to the front of the bins. I saved my labels to my computer to easily edit and reprint down the road if needed. You can download the editable label printable for free here.

CATEGORIZE

Make the most of your bins and divide them out in a way that makes the most sense for how you decorate. Zippered storage bags work really well to corral and categorize smaller items like ornament hooks, ribbon, beads, special ornaments, replacement bulbs, light clips, stocking and wreath hooks, etc...

THINK OUTSIDE OF THE BOX

Are there other items that you only use during the holidays? Specific items for entertaining or baking or cooking? Maybe you use certain pillows, candles, appliances and serving platters for a month or two out of the entire year. If your storage is limited around the house, don't give those seasonal items prime real estate with your day-to-day belongings. Instead, pack those pieces away with the remainder of your Christmas decor. TIS' THE SEASON TO CLEANSE This is the best time of the year to streamline your Christmas inventory. While packing everything up, take the time to recategorize your bins and eliminate the items that didn't make the cut this past year. Handle each object and ask yourself if it is worth your time, space and energy moving forward. Also discard any items that are broken, torn or worn. Donation Ideas:

Drop off your gently used holiday decor at your local donation center (Salvation Army, Locally Owned Thrift Stores, Goodwill, etc...)

Check with your local Habitat Restore, some do holiday-specific sales throughout the year.

Inquire with local shelters to see if and when they typically accept holiday decor, and what specific items are most beneficial.

Does your city decorate for the holidays? Think of areas around town that put up Christmas trees or string lights that may benefit from the items you no longer have a use for. Libraries, hospitals, community centers, etc...

Have you heard of Give Back Box? I recently read about this donation program and I love it! It really emphasizes the one-in-one-out rule, but can be used beyond that method! When you receive merchandise in the mail from select retailers, you can reuse that box along with a free shipping label to donate your household goods and clothing items. Give Back Box selects a charity based on your location, however, there are ways to select your own if you wish. Christmas decor is accepted, so pack up a box and ship it on out!

____________________

Remember last year I flocked our artificial tree? I promised to give you an update on how it held up through storage and I am happy to share it did really well. I have noticed that flocked trees will shed no matter if you DIY or purchase them that way, and ours did drop some flocking during setup and decorating. However, not enough to notice on the tree itself, and minimally throughout the time that it was up. I am excited to try the flocking process again down the road on some garland and outdoor topiaries, and I love that I can always easily add more to the tree over the years as necessary with the remaining flocking powder.

____________________

If you are looking for a couple of idea-inducing reads for the New Year, I contributed to two publications on newsstands now:

Inside this month's issue of Parent's Magazine, we focussed on Little Ways to Love Your Home.

While inside the Family Circle issue you will find a great section dedicated to making the most of your home's hot spot: The Kitchen! So many great suggestions in this one!

____________________

In other iHeart news, 2019 planners were released in my shop last month and I get so much joy filling in the colorful pages for the new year. I am thrilled to see that you do too!

The FAQ page is loaded with details on the sizes, layouts, coversheets, printing suggestions, and images. The pages are fresh and beautiful and seeing them being used by you all throughout the year is a true treat, so thank you for Instagramming and sharing those images with me.

____________________

This time of the year is generally known for starting fresh and setting goals and organizing every nook and cranny of your home. I have had a few conversations with friends and they have mentioned that the new year gets so built up that they feel like once the clock hits midnight, they should have this automatic boost of energy, and that when they wake up they should feel some sort of magical feeling and clear vision for what is to come to finally get their lives together. So. Much. Pressure. While I personally do love that the new year is a great benchmark for setting goals and reflecting and evoking change, I want to remind you all (and myself), that lifestyle changes are gradual and don't happen overnight, and all big things come from a culmination of smaller steps. It's great to set goals and be fired up, but also be realistic and break those goals up throughout the year. Think of little changes that you can make each day that will help you reach a larger goal by next month, next quarter, or even by the end of 2019. That is how I am personally approaching this year; day by day, bit by bit. It doesn't all have to be done by the end of January. I am still wearing a lot of hats, and aside from trying to be an involved and loving wife and mom, I have a lot of business-centric goals that include updating and organizing my website (and a new home tour!), moving my online shop and adding fresh new items, working with clients (best feeling), and writing a book (big goal). Pair that with the administrative responsibilities of running a business, freelance writing, creating content and sharing it actively on social media, I get a little overwhelmed managing it all and managing it well. When I work on a project, I get so hyperfocused on that one specific thing, that it can take away from all the rest. Sometimes the blog takes a hit, sometimes my personal goals take a hit, sometimes my family takes a hit, sometimes my shop takes a hit. I can organize a closet no problem, but maybe I need to find someone to organize my life (ha!). Time management, prioritization, and balance are all my personal top priorities for 2019. Some things will have to move to the bottom of the list so I can actually do the more important things. And this is that moment where it all rounds right back to my small steps towards the big goal mantra.

I don't want to drag this post out any longer, but a few final notes about our year to come:

Last year we didn't focus a lot of attention on our own home or projects. I am approaching my 10th year of blogging and that is a LOT of organizing, crafting and remodeling. We simply needed a break, even if we still have a lot of wish list updates to make, going at it around the clock is exhausting, expensive and disruptive. It was time to let things rest, and we did. Buuuut, our oldest is graduating high school this year!!!!!! He is receiving college acceptance letters and about to spread his wings and I am holding back tears of joy (and let's be real, tears of selfish sadness) on the daily. With graduation comes a graduation party and a big party is a great motivator to check lingering home tasks off of the list, as well as a lot of deep cleaning. Time to relight that fire!

How do you all feel about doing a home cleanse with me this year? I really wanted to do this last year, so the past few months I began researching and building a really great resource of ways to clear clutter from your homes. It always pains me a bit to see how piles of trash bags can so quickly be associated with organizing, so I am diving deep into options for feeling less guilty about getting rid of our belongings. And I would really love for it to become a library that can be referenced and built-upon over time. You in?

I don't have a lot of closets or drawers left to organize around here, this year my biggest pain points are PAPER (I have a plan!) and photographs (I don't have a plan!). What are your biggest organizational pain points? Knowing your problem areas could really help me come up with new content, so if you could take a quick second to leave a comment on this post with your organizing goals and struggles, I would appreciate it to the moon and back!

Let's raise a glass of wine, a coffee filled mug, or a bottle of water, and cheers to 2019! P.S. I just went back a re-read my intro to 2018 post. Wow. Sounds like I am rewriting history and even mimicking a few of the same sentences word for word, nodding and still feeling a lot of the things that I felt last year. Believe me when I say that as frustrating as that is for me, I know it is also frustrating for you. Please know that I never take you all for granted and I really hope to break the cycle. There are definitely some things I need to change, and I appreciate your continuous grace as I work on bettering things around here. ♥

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acciodracarys-blog · 6 years

Text

Catching Up and a Hello to 2019!

Happy New Year to you! I hope that the holidays have left you with a full love tank and that your 2019 is off to an incredible start! Oh, how I have missed you all so very much!

____________________

I have a few things to cover since I have been away, so let's begin with Christmas decor storage.

CLEAR STORAGE BINS

LABEL

CATEGORIZE

THINK OUTSIDE OF THE BOX

Drop off your gently used holiday decor at your local donation center (Salvation Army, Locally Owned Thrift Stores, Goodwill, etc...)

Check with your local Habitat Restore, some do holiday-specific sales throughout the year.

Inquire with local shelters to see if and when they typically accept holiday decor, and what specific items are most beneficial.

____________________

If you are looking for a couple of idea-inducing reads for the New Year, I contributed to two publications on newsstands now:

Inside this month's issue of Parent's Magazine, we focussed on Little Ways to Love Your Home.

While inside the Family Circle issue you will find a great section dedicated to making the most of your home's hot spot: The Kitchen! So many great suggestions in this one!

____________________

In other iHeart news, 2019 planners were released in my shop last month and I get so much joy filling in the colorful pages for the new year. I am thrilled to see that you do too!

____________________

I don't want to drag this post out any longer, but a few final notes about our year to come:

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superfluouskeys · 8 years

Note

A L L THE ASKS I GOT A LITTLE CARRIED AWAY AS PER USUAL FRIEND MUCH SORRY 10, 11, 12, 17, 21, 24, 37, 40, 41 (Let the World Burn), 42, 44, 47, 49

YAYYYYYY THANK YOU FOR ALL THE ASKSSSSSSSSSS THIS ASK THING IS VERY FUNNNNNNNNNNNNNN

10. how do you do your researches?

Super lazily usually? Hahaha like if I’m writing for a new fandom/something I’m not that familiar with I’ll watch the thing a lot and take notes, or if there’s something I want to include in a story that I don’t know much about I’ll usually stumble upon it, think “wtf am i talking about”, and make a series of weird google searches for information.

11. do you listen to music when writing?

Sometimes–it depends what the ambient noise in my life is. I have a long-ass playlist for writing that’s mostly unobtrusive music and songs that inspire me in some way, but sometimes if I’m in a very focused mood I need it dead silent, and if that’s impossible, then the music is just to drown out ambient noise.

12. favorite place to write

While I’m not above propping my computer up on a pillow on my bed and straddling it, or writing hunched over my phone, I’m much happier with a desk, or some kind of appropriately-raised surface, and a chair. What tends to happen if I’m in less than ideal circumstances is I’ll get really into what I’m doing and my body will be SCREAMING FOR HELP, like can you strETCH OR STAND UP OR SOMETHING

And I don’t, and then I’m sore forever.

favorite AU to write

MALORA DRAGON AGE AU. I’m also having a lot of fun with the Malora Mass Effect AU–the second chapter is like Ready to be finished, I just haven’t had the time unfortunately. Basically I love Malora AUs.

least favorite character to write

I think this is glaringly obvious, but I have a very hard time writing for characters I personally dislike, or who hold viewpoints I personally strongly disagree with. That’s why I think Sara from The Prisoner needs so much work to seem less stale and two-dimensional, and why, for example, I severely tone down Cassandra’s religious zealotry.

favorite scene you’ve ever written

I’m very proud of the most recent Prisoner chapter–been planning that motherfucker for LITERAL YEARS.

canon or AU?

I have a weird relationship with writing, eg. within the canon timeline of any given thing, because a very large part of me demands that canon be completely adhered to even when it doesn’t make sense, itself. My earliest fanfic was mainly about reinterpreting canon scenes and dialogue–adding thoughts and nuances that changed the meaning of the spoken words, and working non-canon bits and pieces within that strict framework. Which was exhausting, but like, it’s what made sense to me at the time. It was very challenging for me to break away from that. In the early chapters of the first draft of Early to Bed you can still very much see me staying pretty rigidly within the framework of canon, and even as recently as Let the World Burn, I decided to riff on Cassandra’s actual romance scene lines.

AUs are certainly more freeing in that way–I don’t feel that nagging pressure to make my ideas mesh perfectly with canon, and they allow for my favourite cheap trick of shamelessly referencing the source material for laughs hahaha. (see all of Maleficent’s lines in total control…i reread it today and like half of them are riffing on her actual lines in various media)

which one of your stories would you most like to see as a movie/series

I think Prisoner would make a kickass miniseries, a la Angels in America. Like there are six of them and each one is movie-length but crazy people like me watch them all in one day.

one song that captures “Let the World Burn”

I’ve been thinking about this all day, because this fic was one of those that I just obsessively kept writing without regard for sleep, and I was in hyperfocused mode, so I wasn’t listening to music.

The song that hangs with me as a response, which may not make a ton of sense on the surface, is “Not In That Way” by Sam Smith.

And I hate to say I love youWhen it's so hard for me.And I hate to say I want youWhen you make it so clearYou don't want me.

I'd never ask you, ‘cause deep downI'm certain I know what you'd say.You'd say, ‘I'm sorry, believe me,I love you, but not in that way‘

In the actual game, Cassandra and the Inquisitor can go from a place of such hostility and mistrust and misunderstanding to a deep and trusting friendship in a fairly short time, even if they don’t see eye to eye on major issues. High approval and enough flirting will get you either the start of her romance arc if you’re a male, or a gentle, halting rejection if you’re a female--but the scenes are very similar.

So in Let the World Burn, once Elonaya has gotten past the hate and mistrust, she’s got this tragic crush, because Cassandra is kinda the bomb. And she’s pretty sure Cassandra couldn’t possibly return her affections, but then again, there are some signs that lead her to believe it’s not entirely impossible, just...mostly impossible. She’d never bring it up, because she’s pretty sure she knows how it would end, and she’d rather just hold onto that tiny flicker of hope.

So then, Cassandra is the one to bring it up, and her rejection seems kind of...not quite like a rejection. Elonaya doesn’t want to push for something when Cassandra has turned her down, she just harbours this horrible, uneasy, hopeful feeling that it kind of really seems like Cassandra didn’t quite mean what she said. So it’s the same as before--logically she knows she should let it go, but there’s still this nagging possibility that won’t let her move on.

From Cassandra’s perspective, it’s less an individual pining and more an overarching belief that the romance she longs for isn’t possible for her. She looks back on the other women who have captured her attention, reflects on how poorly those instances turned out, and ascribes those memories to Elonaya. It’s not so much that she doesn’t want to find herself drawn to this particular person, but that she has tried to devote herself to her duty, and doesn’t want to feel like her resolve in this matter which has caused her so much grief in the past is slipping.

Even at the end of the story, which is arguably happy, Cassandra remains hesitant and disbelieving. She’s sure the punchline is coming--Elonaya will die, or won’t want to be with her once they’re out of imminent danger, or the people at the party will disapprove, or the Chantry will disapprove, or something else bad will happen.

You will never know that feeling;You will never see through these eyes.

Where Elonaya retained a flicker of hope, Cassandra retains a flicker of fear.

do you plan or do you write whatever comes to your mind?

Mostly whatever comes to mind, until I’ve got enough to work with for planning purposes, if that makes sense. I tend to kinda throw a bunch of stuff out into the universe and see what sticks, what I want to expound upon, etc.

do you write linear or do you write future scenes if you feel like it?

Oh, I absolutely skip all over the place. The result is sometimes my linear writing catches up to the future writing and the future piece doesn’t fit anymore and has to be scrapped, because I won’t, like...aggressively lead the writing to that place if it doesn’t flow naturally, but it is nice when it works out the wayI planned.

how many unfinished ideas/stories are you working on at the same time?

There is honestly no fucking telling man. So many. Like I’ve got six word documents open on my computer right now, something like 15 things in my drafts, and that’s just stuff that’s readily available to me hahaha.

writing advice

I think my biggest piece of advice would be, think about whether a human person would actually have the train of thought that you’re writing out. You don’t usually look at someone and assess every detail of their appearance/personality unless it’s relevant to what’s happening, or you’re just meeting them. So it’s weird when your character does it.

Same goes for characters making sweeping generalizations about themselves. Unless they’ve just done something and are the sort to think, wow, I’m so kind because I did this kind thing just now, usually we don’t categorize ourselves when we’re just going about our daily lives. Frame introspection around actions to make it seem more like a natural flow of thought--I did these things today; I’m feeling this way about them; what does that say about me?

Epithets (the taller woman, the police officer, the blonde, etc.) sound weird for the same reason. Do you think of people in terms like that when you’re interacting with them? Probably pretty rarely, unless it’s immediately relevant. I know it’s hard when you have two people who use the same pronouns, but you can just use their names if it’s confusing--it is fine. People are used to reading their names.

#misslestrange274 #exciting tag for answered asks #fic:let the world burn #fic:prisoner #elonaya #exciting tag for writing things #personal

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