#this country that could have been my home

[gracieheartspedro]

Dagger In The Heart

pairing: ellie williams x afab! reader

post about palestine - please be aware and know who your content comes from. this post informs you about the tlou writers and creators, as well as how to help the Palestinian people.

word count: 6.1k words

warnings: MINORS DNI!!! 18+ ty!!! abusive relationship mentioned, reader's bf is a cheating asshole, calls her names, makes comments about weight, talks of cheating, some lowkey cheating from reader, sharing clothes with ellie, ellie is 18+ but her age not specified, talks of hardly eating food at dinner, reader is a bit confused with her sexuality and wants to explore (which is fine!!! and normal!!!), wlw relations, pussy eating, fingering, tribbing, tattoos? lots of tattoos, dirty talk, reader being a bit desperate, getting caught (but not really), mentions of a strap, men being drunk and stupid. that's it. I think.

description: when you get the chance to meet your asshole boyfriend’s family, you take a liking to his sister, ellie. when a conversation about her tattoos turns into talks of what you’re really into, you can’t help but want to explore it more.

author’s note: hi girls, gays, and theys! I am so happy to be bringing this request to you. it was an anon request from july and I just suck at getting my life together to actually write. but here we are. FYI, I don't condone this behavior or cheating. anyway I hope you enjoy. I will also be putting this on my ao3 soon, so if you see it there, don't worry, it's just me (;

“You gotta chill, babe. Your anxiety is giving me anxiety.”

He was never very good with comforting you, so you bite back your snappy comment and just fake a smile.  

You had been dating your boyfriend Matt for almost a year. You two met in your college biology class and really bonded over your love for folk music and Greek food. He had kind eyes, mousy brown hair and the brightest smile you had ever seen. 

At first, you thought this was the best relationship you ever could ask for, but Matt grew distant after four months together. You didn’t know why, but his temper had shown itself one too many times. He fought with you constantly. He was quite jealous. You could never be seen with another boy without accusations of cheating. But every time you two argued, he always came back with an apology and a bouquet of flowers. You could not help but believe you could fix him. 

It had been 10 months, you had to brave meeting his family. Unlike you, his family lived two towns over and he visited them quite often. He was close to his younger brother and mom, so he made a point to see them as much as he could. 

He brought up the idea of meeting them back around the holidays, but you were planning to board a flight and visit your family across the country. He understood but was pretty disappointed you could not try his mom’s infamous pumpkin pie.

You had no excuse when summer came. So here you are, standing with him at his childhood home’s front door as he scrambled to find his keys. 

You were sporting something more dressed up than your normal. Matt loved this one black dress on you, so you decided to wear that with some cute flats. You were sorely regretting the shoe decision, the pointed-toed shoes squeezed your big toe and the arch was not high enough to be comfortable. 

He unlocks the deadbolt and the red door jolts open. You are instantly met with the scent of BBQ and cornbread. His childhood is cozy and lived in. The entrance is lined with shoes, everything from high heels to sneakers that have run through countless puddles. It was a sigh of relief, they were a no-shoes in the house family. You kick off your uncomfortable shoes, holding on to Matt’s shoulder for balance. 

His mom is the first one to enter the hallway to meet you two at the door. She is quite beautiful, her hair darker than Matt’s. She was shorter, wearing a nice blouse and jeans. She welcomes you both with a bear hug and cheers of excitement. When she pulls you out of the embrace, she gets a better look at you. 

“You are more beautiful in person, pictures do not do your gorgeous smile justice,” She remarks, squeezing your hands. 

You shake your head, trying your best not to let out that you are beyond nervous about this entire encounter. “You are too kind, thank you so much for hosting us.”

“Come meet the crew!”

Matt eyes meet yours, noticing how tense you are. You had hoped for him to hold your hand and guide you through this experience, but instead he just nudges you with his shoulder. He brushes by, heading after his mom. 

The hallway opens into a kitchen and living room, which is littered with random strangers who, in some way, resemble your boyfriend. 

His brother, Collin, stands up first from the barstools, racing over to your boyfriend to dap him up. When he glances your way, you just smile and introduce yourself. He extends his hand to shake yours, which you gladly accept. 

His dad is next to stand up from a recliner in the living room. He makes your acquaintance quickly, telling you he’s so glad to finally meet you after months of hearing all about you. 

When he moves away from in front of you, she comes into focus. You had not even noticed her sitting on the couch across the room. 

She’s slender, her dark locks framing her chiseled jawline. She looks like Matt, but more like a person who belongs in a Renaissance painting. Her eyes are a more dimensional brown. She has freckles scattered around her pale complexion, which only added her beauty. 

You do not realize you are gawking until Matt nudges you. “This is my sister, Ellie.”

You blink again, bringing your focus back to the situation. She extends her hand, and that’s when you take notice to her tattoo-filled arms. Her tank top raises a bit and you catch a glance of her midriff, exposing more tattoos littering her abdomen. 

“Nice to meet ya. Heard plenty about you.”

You swallow, taking her hand and shaking it. “I hope good things.”

“No, I only tell her the worst things about you.”

Everyone giggles except you and Ellie. Luckily it is filling the room with enough noise to drown out your thoughts about your boyfriend’s beautiful sister. 

Ellie rolls her eyes before whispering, “Don’t worry, it’s only ever good things, sweet cheeks.”

-

Matt’s dad loves to talk and you can tell it annoys Ellie. You were seated outside on their patio set, drinking some homemade lemonade Matt’s mom was adamant you had. He was helping her with all the sides that were still yet to be made, so you took up Ellie’s offer to check out the backyard space. You did not expect Matt’s dad to come with you two and tell you all about the flower beds he curated. 

But you listened, smiling and nodding while sipping on your tart drink. 

He got occupied with grilling, so you and Ellie were left on the couch near a very used and abused firepit. 

You wait for her to say something. She was truly making you nervous, her eyes trailing you every so often. 

“So, you and Matt met in science class?”

You finally look back at her wandering eyes, “Yeah, he was my biology partner.”

“Gotcha,” She leans forward, putting her elbows on her knees. You do not know what comes over you, but you cannot physically pull your eyes away from her arms as they flex. “You good?”

“I like your tattoos,” You barely manage to say, “They are… hot.”

You want to jump into the unlit firepit for that one. 

No other adjective came to your horny mind? Really?

She giggles, enjoying watching you practically squirm under her gaze. “Thanks, dude. My ex girlfriend was a tattoo artist so I let her practice on me.”

You remember a moment about 5 months ago when Matt mentioned his sister being gay, but for some reason, you finally connect that duh it’s Ellie, you fucking idiot. 

You also remember some choice words he had about her. You remember cringing when he called her a slur and said she could not keep a girl to save her life. You held your tongue and refused to reply.

“That’s awesome,” You scoot closer to her, bridging more of the gap between you two on the couch, “Which one is your favorite?”

She smiles at your intrusion into her space and questions. You realize you two are almost sizing each other up, right in front of her family, your boyfriend’s family. They could easily peek outside of the kitchen windows and see you two eye fucking each other. She leans back, her eyes tracing all the tattoos on her arms. 

Then she laughs. A deep guttural laugh. 

“What?”

“Nothing,” She brings her front teeth down on her bottom lip before speaking up again, “It’s a tattoo I can’t show you.”

“Why not?”

She looks towards the window, checking on her brother and mom. Her expression changes when she turns back to you. 

“Because I’m not pulling my tits out in front of my family.”

Your pussy practically pulses when you hear her say it. What is wrong with you? You are dating her brother. What is wrong with you?!

“Your… boobs are tattooed?”

She nods slowly, bringing her one hand up to your bare exposed thigh, “Bet that shakes a sweet one like you to your core.”

The comment insinuates that you are an innocent little girl who knows nothing about the world. And sure Matt is your first real boyfriend. Sure he was the first person ever to eat you out because your high school crushes did not even know that was a thing. Sure you never have been sexually promiscuous. Sure you thought you were straight. 

Sure.

But something inside you was crawling its way out. This small interaction with your asshole boyfriend’s sister was enough to send you into a spiral. You never gave a girl a chance so how were you supposed to know you did not like it?

“What if your family wasn’t around?”

Ellie is gobsmacked by your comment, her jaw practically hitting the floor. You can tell she realized she was flying too close to the sun. She pulls her hand away from your leg. 

“You are my brother’s girlfriend. I am not going to be the one to corrupt you,” She states, scooting over a bit away from you. Your cheeks get flushed, instantly feeling embarrassed for asking such a question. But the more you sat in silence, the more you realized that you really did not care. The feelings Ellie made you feel within the last 10 minutes were more exciting than any feeling Matt had given you in 10 months. 

You clear your throat, “Luckily for you, Ellie, you would not be the one to corrupt me. That has already been done.”

She looks at you quizzically, “Is that so?”

“Yeah, I may look sweet and innocent,” You creep in close to her, “But I am really a freak.”

Now you are just lying. 

Before she can utter a word, Matt’s brother comes out to let you two know dinner was done. You hope and pray he didn’t take notice to how close you two were. Or how Ellie stared at your ass as you walked away. 

-

You sit between Matt and Ellie at the table. 

Every so often during the meal, you would place your hand on Matt’s leg. He would push you away, rolling his eyes when you glared at him. When the conversation came around to him, he would find a way to demean you and then continue blabbing about school or his internship. 

You answered questions from his mom and dad, but you were sorely uninterested in them. But then the conversation comes around as to whether you two would be staying the night tonight. At this point, Matt had already had four beers, and you knew he probably would not want you driving his new Mustang. 

“You can take Matt’s bed and he can sleep on the couch,” His mom suggests, indicating that you two would not be sleeping together. You understood that they were a bit more traditional, but you were not expecting to sleep in your boyfriend's childhood bed without him. 

“That’s a great idea, Ma. We can stay, right?”

You look at the plate of practically untouched food in front of you. You just nod, finally saying, “As long as you give me some comfy sweatpants to wear.”

“Mine are all back at my apartment, but I’m sure Ellie has something you could borrow. Plus, you probably wouldn’t fit my sweatpants.”

Matt constantly made comments about your figure and how he could not share clothes with you. He refused to share his clothes with you, stating that you would not be able to squeeze into them and you also “left your scent on everything”. 

God, he made you feel terrible about yourself. 

Butterflies erupt in your stomach when you think about wearing Ellie’s clothes, though, and you completely drown out the separate conversation happening around the table. You feel a hand creep up your thigh, but it's not coming from the side you expect.

Her hand is so soft and delicate as it creeps up your leg. You cannot help but glance at her direction, catching her smiling over at you. 

“Don’t worry, I got something you can wear.”

-

Dinner finishes up and Matt expresses that he wants to go for a round of drinks with his high school friends and brother at the local tavern down the street. He never asks if you want to go, telling you “It would just be high school friends that you don’t know, anyway.”

He tells you that his Mom and Ellie would get you all set up. He gives you a pat on the back, and heads to the door, right behind his brother. You watch him leave and almost breathe a sigh of relief. 

When you turn back, you see his Mom already going upstairs. 

“I’m gonna get your bed all set up and then I’m probably going to retire to my bed, too.” She states, slowly making her way up the wooden staircase. 

You wanted to scream because this only meant one thing. You were alone with Ellie. 

You follow her up the stairs and look around the hallway. She heads to the right and begins pointing at the only room with the light on. You didn’t even know that Ellie was upstairs.

“Have Ellie get you something to wear, I’ll make up your bed!”

The door swings open and Ellie stands there, having changed into her own bedtime clothes. And for fucks sake, she’s not making this easy for you. 

She is sporting a tight white tank, no bra, and shorts that ride up to the very tops of her thighs. Her legs are tattooed as well, but not as much as her arms. There isn’t a touch of her freckled skin that isn’t marked with art. You can almost see through her shirt, making your mouth go dry. 

“Let’s see what you fit into!”

She lets you into her space. Her room is decorated with posters of space and heavy metal bands. From the looks of one corner of her room, she’s an artist. She has different art styles, anywhere from charcoal to watercolors, littering a desk and her walls. It’s messy, but it’s not dirty. It smells like incense and clean laundry. 

She walks over to her dresser, opens up the top drawer. Everything is neatly folded, which kind of surprises you. 

“I have some sweatpants, shorts, boxers-“

“Sweatpants are fine,” You retort, not wanting her to list off anything else, “Do you have any t-shirts I could wear?”

“Well of course I do, sweet cheeks. What do you want, loose or tight?”

You stare at her dumbfounded. You know what she’s doing. And you hate yourself for liking it so much. 

She pulls out a pair of navy blue sweatpants, still waiting for your reply. 

“Loose.”

She starts to dig through another drawer when Matt’s mom pops her head in. 

“It’s all set up for you, sweetheart. If you need anything, you let one of us know. I’m going to downstairs if you need me.”

You smile, thankfully. “Thank you so much, Mrs. Williams.”

“If she needs anything, I’m sure I could help her find her way,” Ellie says, absentmindedly. She pulls out a white t-shirt from her drawer and tosses it at you. 

“Goodnight, girls!”

And then you two are alone. Ellie slowly saunters to her door and shuts it. 

“You can get dressed here. Just make sure what I gave you fits.”

You silently turned your back to her, tossing your hair over your shoulder. “Can you unzip me?”

You are not even thinking straight. You are so caught up with being alone with the girl you have had weird sexual tension with. She walks over to you confidently, before grabbing the top of your black dress, which lands right at the middle of your back. She pulls down the zipper, ensuring it reaches the very end of its track. 

The hairs on your back stand up in her wake. You breathe deeply, before shimmying the dress off your shoulders. You were wearing a bra, so you were just going to keep it on. You step out of the dress, leaving you in just underwear and the push-up bra Matt gifted you not too long ago. 

You don’t turn to her, but she just comes around to your front, nonchalantly. 

“Jesus Christ,” Ellie stammers, before plopping on her bed. You shakingly step into the sweatpants she gifted you to wear, unsure how to respond. You rack your brain trying to gain the confidence you had before dinner, but your mouth is dry and your brain is dazed from seeing Ellie in her pajamas. 

You finally manage to glance up at her hungry eyes, smiling softly. 

“I never knew I would be jealous of my brother.”

You swallow, “Jealous?”

“Yeah, he gets to have someone like you every night and I can’t even find someone worth hanging out with around here. Never thought a nerd like him would win over a woman like you.”

You are standing in the sweatpants and your bra, not able to digest her words completely. A woman like you?

“Your brother is sweet. And we don’t have sex every night.”

“Just sweet?” She steps a bit closer to you, “And I said nothing about sex, darling, I said he gets to have you.”

She is looking at you like you are her prey. You almost fell to your knees and begged her to put you out of your misery, but you resisted. Instead, she just stands up, trying to catch your nervous glances. 

“H-he, uh, does what he can, when we d-do, yanno.”

Her fingers trace up your arm, her eyes trailing as she does it. You bite the inside of your cheek, waiting for her response. She clicks her tongue a couple of times, shaking her head. 

“I am sure he tries,” She sputters, standing back from you, “Do you even really like him?”

You furrow your eyebrows, suddenly snapping out of the situation you are currently in. You reflect for a moment.

Matt was an asshole but you sometimes enjoyed his company. He made you laugh on occasion. But deep down, you knew that he wasn’t made for you. He lacked emotional intelligence and made sure to put you down any chance he got. You had inklings he was talking to other girls and his friends were probably the most intolerable people on your college campus. And then there was that one time when the inklings were just. 

The realization that you maybe didn’t like him made you sick. You wasted so much time and now you have met his family.

“When he’s not mean to me. When he isn’t cheating on me.” You admit quietly, almost too humiliated to say it. 

She crooks her neck, “He cheated on you?”

You hate talking about it, it made you feel as though you were never good enough. He made it out that it was your fault because you would not have sex with him when you had the flu. “It was just some hand stuff, baby,” he said to you. 

“Just once. I forgave him because he told me he loved me.”

“People who love you don’t hurt you like that,” Ellie says without a beat. 

“Yeah, I guess you’re right.”

“Is he mean to you all the time?”

You think back to the last nice thing he said to you. Your ass looks fat in that dress. And even that could be seen as a bad thing. You shake your head, trying to find a good way to paint her brother. From the looks of it, she doesn’t really like him all that much anyway. 

“Most of the time.”

“So, what I’m hearing is my brother is an asshole that doesn’t know how to treat a woman both in life and in the bedroom. Is that what you’re saying?”

You stand there pondering her question, coming up with nothing. She was right, but were you ready to admit that?

So you shrug.

Ellie stands with her arms crossed now, chewing on the inside of her lip. She’s contemplating something, her eyes falling to the floor for a moment. 

“Listen, I am not just saying this because it has taken everything in my power to resist sinking my teeth into you,” The first half of the sentence put your heart in your throat. Nonetheless, she carries on, “But I have an inkling that you don’t like my brother at all. I think you like girls and you’ve never had the chance to explore that. You want to say you are a freak, but you really don’t know what that even means.”

“Ellie, I d-”

“You need to break up with my brother,” She states plainly, “And then, after all is said and done, I can show what it looks like to be taken care of.”

You agree, sadly. You do need to break up with Matt. And on the basis that you believe that he’s probably at the bar hanging out with old friends, probably with other girls, probably flirting with those other girls. You decide you are not going to wait anymore. He cheated on you once, what’s stopping him now? Ellie was right about everything, and while that revelation changes your entire perspective on life, you settle on jumping head first. 

“Show me now.”

You watch all the blood drain from her face. She fumbles with her inked hands, waiting for you to say you didn’t mean it. That moment never comes. 

“Are you sure about that?”

Swallowing hard, you just nod. You do not even realize what you are getting yourself into, but the undeniable chemistry cannot be ignored anymore. You don’t even want to waste another thought on Matt. You know if you think too hard about it, you’ll talk yourself back into staying with him.

Ellie’s face gets closer to yours and your lips connect seamlessly. She wastes no time, bringing her hands down to your waist to pull you in. You wrap your arms around her neck while fireworks erupt in your chest.

Her lips taste like mint and a dab pen your college roommate made you hit a couple of months ago. She was borderline intoxicating. 

She backs you up towards her bed, letting your knees hit the edge of the mattress. You plop down, disconnecting from her lips. 

Through hooded lids, she asks you, “Do you want to see my favorite tattoo, then?”

Your breathing hitches as she does not even wait for a response, she just pulls her tank top over her head.

Each piece is connected somehow. Her stomach piece is what appeared to be a dragon flying up towards her under-boob area. It was extremely detailed and took up a large half of her upper stomach. Around her collarbones were very intricate lines that almost rain over her body like veins. They spread down her chest onto her boobs, where around her nipples were two matching daggers appearing to go through her areola. 

You smirk at the idea that these are her favorite tattoos. The cheeky ones around her tits.

“Holy shit, Ellie.”

You reach out and touch her tits, ever so delicately. You use your finger to outline the daggers, smiling to yourself. 

Being this close sends a pulsating feeling down to your pussy. You have never felt a lightning strike quite like it before. 

She’s letting you feel her up, but when you change your tune and start pinching at her nipples, she throws her head back with a groan.

“Hmm, you should try putting one in your mouth,” She remarks, hoping to God you would be eager enough to do so. She was very in tune with you because you leaned forward taking her right nipple into your mouth. She’s guiding you around every turn, whispering how good you are doing already. 

You release her with a pop and sit back. You reach around to release your own, but she stops you. 

“Lemme do it,” She says mounting your lap. You place your hand on her hips while she runs her fingertips across your back. She unhooks your black bra, letting your tits spill out. 

You feel the tops of your hands stand up as soon as her hands begin to knead your tits. You glance down at her movements, watching your sensitive nipples perk up due to the attention she’s giving them. 

“Mmm, you like that, sweetness?”

You just groan, your lips needing to do more than just talk. You pull Ellie’s ajar mouth down to yours, diving your tongue between her teeth. You never had such a hunger for anyone else. No guy ever made you feel this way. 

She nudges your shoulders, having you fall onto your back. Her lips move away from yours and start to trail down your neck and chest. When her wet mouth touches your tits, you cannot control the sounds that leave your throat. She bites down on your supple skin, which makes you groan more. 

“You gotta quiet down a bit. Don’t need anyone hearing us.”

You try to manage your noises, but as soon as she starts to kiss down to the hem of the sweatpants she loaned you, you know you’ll never be quiet like she needs you to be. She tugs at the waistband, taking your underwear with it. 

You are now butt naked on her bed. And god, the air is hitting the wetness between your legs is titillating. 

“Listen, sweets,” She whispers, palming your thighs with her tattooed hands, “I’m going to make you cum on my tongue first. Then I am going to fuck this pussy so good, you won’t know any other cock but the fake one in my side table. You hear me?”

Your stomach is in knots, but you know that this is what you really want. “Okay, Ellie. Please do whatever you think I will like.”

“You’re gonna like it all, baby girl. And if it gets a bit dodgy, you just let me know and we can stop.”

You shake your head positively as she smiles between your legs. She starts by kissing up your thighs, keeping you completely in a trance. When her mouth finds your slit, she licks a long stripe. She takes her time, working her tongue in between your pussy lips. The wet sound that happens when she shakes her head is pornographic. When she finds your clit, she encases it and starts to suck lightly. You scream out in pleasure, never feeling this sensitive before. It usually took a whole lot of Matt lazily fingering you and fucking you to illicit such a response. Ellie is building up an orgasm within you in record time. 

She uses her fingers to open up your pussy a little bit more. You instinctively want to close your legs, but her left arm has your legs locked on her bed. Her middle and index fingers curl inside you with every motion forward. 

Her eyes are closed and you are laser-focused on her expressions. She’s putting her all into making you feel good and it’s relieving to watch someone put so much care into it. 

You notice the small little freckles that scatter across her nose get lighter as they reach her cheekbones. She’s so fucking pretty. 

“Jesus, you’re doin’ so good sweetheart. You feel so good.”

“Oh my god, Ellie, please don’t stop,” Your voice is strained, begging her to continue fucking you. She chuckles and begins to pick up speed. Your mind is cluttered, unsure how you can feel this good. 

When the peripherals of your vision begin to get white, you know it’s over. She latches her lips back onto your clit, humming to drag the orgasm out of you. When it happens, your deep guttural moans get muffled by her palm.

You think your heart is going to stop beating. 

Once you begin to feel your muscles relax, Ellie is crawling on top of you, hovering over your chest, her lips kissing your collarbones.

“You did such a great job, baby girl,” She dotes, her short hair falling across her forehead, “You’re so fuckin’ sexy.”

Your heart swells up a thousand sizes. You never got called that before, let alone felt sexy. But Ellie had this aura to her. She made you feel sexy, desirable, wanted. 

Your hand reaches up to tuck her hair behind her ear, “Please show me more.”

She nods, before she leans back on her knees. She balances on one leg before shoving her pajama shorts down. The ink travels to every part of her body and you wonder if the ones around her hips hurt. The snakes that travel up her thighs, have their heads resting right on her hip bones. 

You sit up and observe her movements, she’s fumbling with something in her drawer. She seemingly cannot find what she’s looking for and slams it shut. 

“How about this,” She says with a huff, “I want you to see what it feels like to grind that pretty little pussy on mine anyway. The strap will have to wait.”

You feel the blood drain from your face, “The strap?”

She giggles at your not-so-faux innocence. “We will try that next time.”

You aren’t ready for her to grab onto your legs and move you like a rag doll around her bed. She rests her body horizontally from yours, her lower half lining up with yours. You were not sure how this worked, but you had heard of scissoring before. The technicality was lost on you. 

You sit up waiting for instruction, but Ellie is so hypnotized by your wet slit, she doesn’t even look at you. You watch her reach out and touch your dripping center and it sends an electric shock down your limbs. You throw your head back, hissing at the action. 

“God, that cunt is so pretty.”

You finally look back at her, wanting nothing more but to fuck her like she fucked you. So in return for her toying with you, you hastily reach out and touch her pussy. You are confused by what to do, but by her reaction, you know you did something right. 

“Tell me what we are doing,” You beg, closing your legs in closer to hers. She nods, watching your fingers pull apart her pussy lips. 

“Pull your cunt against mine and ride me like you’d ride Matt’s dick.”

You halt your movements, “Ride him?”

“You’ve never ridden him before?”

Your response was your silence. You had never explored much with him, simply because he was quick to get his nut before traversing to other territories. 

She helps you sit up, hover your cunt over hers. You can not lie, the sight of her sticky wet pussy was hot. She guides you down so your mound is on hers. She bites her lip as you practically drool watching your purely untouched body against her painted figure. 

“Now move your hips back,” Her hands are gripping onto your hips, showing you the way, “And forth.”

The friction is immediately overstimulating, but it feels like an itch you’ve never scratched. So fucking delicious. 

“Shit…” You groan at the response your body is giving you.

“Practice makes perfect, baby. Keep moving those hips. 

You have never been on top, but it’s almost freeing to be in control of the movements. You weren’t sure what you should grip onto as you rubbed your pussy against hers, so you grip onto your own shoulders. Your hips gyrate, the slickness between your legs starts trailing down to Ellie’s navy blue sheets. 

“God, this pussy is so fucking perfect,” Ellie says through gritted teeth. She holds down your hips, somehow trying to get you closer to her.

“It’s yours.” You whine, letting the lust take over your speech. You had no clue what that meant for this situation, you just knew that Ellie knew how to fuck you and it was bliss. You hands leave your shoulders and eventually find Ellie’s tits.

“This pussy is mine? The first cunt you fuck is the cunt you fuck forever?”

You want to laugh, but the bubble in your stomach is about to burst already with how fucked out of your mind you are. “If the cunt is yours, then yes. I want this forever.”

Ellie sucks on her two fingers before she reaches down, finding the very top of your cunt, and starts to press down on that sensitive little bud. The saliva only mixes with the messiness of your liquids. You squeeze her nipples in response. 

“Never going back to my stupid fuckin’ brother, hm? This pussy belongs to me.”

“Yes, Ellie, fuck!” 

She smiles at your quickening pace. She knows you’re reaching your breaking point, and she knows that she’s close herself. 

“Come for me, baby. Come all over my fuckin’ cunt.”

You jolt forward, your hips stilling over hers. You don’t know if you’ve felt a sensation quite like it. You had tears pricking the corners of your eyes as your body felt like a volcano erupting. The curses leaving Ellie’s lips as she came from your orgasm only added to the high you felt. You knew words were leaving your mouth, but they were just jumbled together strings of sentences. 

“Jesus Christ…”

“It feels so good…”

“I want this pussy forever…”

You fall over next to Ellie, your legs still intertwined with hers. She was trying to catch her breath, her body still jittery from her high. 

“That was per-”

“Babe!!”

Your stomach drops to your ass when you hear Matt’s voice.

You jump up from Ellie’s bed, finding the closest clothes you can grab at. Ellie does the same, but takes her time throwing a tank top over her bed head. His footsteps are practically running up the steps. 

You are still wobbly on your legs, practically falling over trying to put on the pants she loaned you. You just keep saying “fuck” over and over again, knowing that you two will probably be caught. You just finished putting on a shirt when he barges into the room. 

He’s drunk. 

“What are you still doing in here?” He asks you in an accusatory slurred voice. Collin is close behind him, trying to shush him.

“Chill, dude. I was just showin’ her some of my art.” Ellie defends, plopping down on her bed. She’s trying to mask the fact that her bed is wet with your cum. 

While he blabs about how Ellie sucks at art, which he is very wrong about, you notice a red blotch on his shirt collar. You zero in on it because you fucking knew. 

“Matt, what’s on your neck?” You interrupt.

He stops his rant to look down at you. His eyes are bloodshot. He’s so gone that his mind can’t make up an excuse. 

“It’s from Sophie,” He blurts out, his lips getting ahead of his brain. Ellie pauses and the entire room goes dead silent. You had no idea what to say back to that. You had no clue who Sophie was. You honestly did not care, your relationship was already done in your head. You were just kind of shell-shocked that it happened exactly how your mind doctored it.  

You glance over at Ellie who is already looking at you. Collin clears his throat. 

“I think this a conversation for the morning,” Collin says, grabbing Matt’s arm to tug him out of the room. 

You nod, “Yeah, Collin, great idea. Why don’t you take Matt to bed? Tuck him in and give him a sweet kiss like Sophie did.”

Matt’s face turns bright red, the same thing it always did when he got mad at you. Before he could lash out at you, Collin drags him out of the room and into the hall. Before shutting the door behind him, he says, “I’m sorry.”

You furrow your eyebrows, “It’s fine. It’s not the first time. But it will be the last.”

When the door clicks shut, you hear Matt whisper yelling at Collin about how big of a bitch you are. How you didn’t deserve him. Yadda-yadda-yadda. 

Ellie just gawks at you. The tone of the room changed so drastically so quickly that you felt almost disconnected from reality. 

“You okay?” She asks innocently, her hand holding onto your shoulder. 

Your legs are still weak. “Yeah, I think I’ll need more practice though.”

She is confused, you can tell by the look on her face. “Huh?”

“I’ll need more practice riding you. And, hey, you didn’t get to use that fake dick on me, remember?”

-

taglist (for those who said they wanted this haha)

@cavillscurls @satellitespinner @mourningdovee @hockeyhughes @stonerzdaze420692 @00ops1e @sunflowerwinds @holilogram @whoucallingalesbian @aurelialuna

[tarotofhope]

PAC: 【What do your parents think about you & Why ?】

(Please Read My Pinned post *IMPORTANT NOTE* before selecting a Pile)

Pick an Image by meditating and selecting the image you feel called to. You can be attracted towards more than 1 image. If you are not able to select maybe this reading isn't for you.

𖨆 Pile 1

Cards: Death, 3 of Wands, 6 of Swords, 8 of Cups, Strength, Queen of Wands, 4 of Cups, The World, 9 of Wands.

Welcome to your reading, Pile 1. There's a lot of heavy energy in this pile because there are two 8s in the cards. For some of the audience reading this pile, Either, both of your parents/one of your parents could have passed away when you were very young and you had to live with your relatives or in foster homes. For some of you, even if your parents were alive, they could've been so busy that they left you under the care of other people most of your childhood and teen age. For the remaining audience, I'm getting that even if both of your parents were alive and not so busy, they were very over-protective, over-bearing and strict, so you never opened up to them, you kept your thoughts to yourself and they never got to know you very well. All in all, whoever took your custody, didn't do their job well. You got sick and tired of them, and you've always been looking for a listening ear and comfort in the outside world. You've been waiting for someone to truly understand you and love your soul, someone who doesn't tie you up(not in a literal sense, iykyk) just because they're concerned about your safety, someone who respects your right to freedom. You might have left your guardian/parents behind and went out on your own journey to discover yourself, embracing your independence. It took a lot of courage and strength to do this, but you did it anyway. You might have faced a few major ups and downs in your life as a result of which you became mature much faster than your peers. You're much stronger now and you'll continue to be so. Your journey is from hardships to finally becoming The Queen of Wands. You might have good judgement of people and their intentions. Your parents/guardian might say that they were protecting you from harm all this time, that's why they were strict with you, they want your best and so on..but in reality, you know that wasn't required, what they actually did was messed you up. For some of you, they could be keeping you from going far away from them, because now they expect you to take care of them. They're not allowing you to grow and be your own person. Now, see, people from different countries will have different outlook on this. Indeed, old people need care but keeping a young person trapped and not letting them have a life of their own is not right. Raising children with the intention of getting something in return during oldage, is outright selfish.

That's all I got for you, my dear Pile 1.

Love, light, peace and hope to you..🌸🍁🌻🌼

𖨆 Pile 2

Cards: The Hierophant, The King of Pentacles, The Sun, 8 of Wands Rev. clarified by The World, The Fool clarified by Ace of Pentacles, Ace of Cups clarified by 2 of Pentacles, Queen of Swords.

Welcome to your reading, Pile 2. You guys along with pile 1 are my brave and bold people, I must say. Great leadership qualities you've got. Even your parents think so. They just think that you don't realize this, they think that you're not aware of your full potential and you're not quite out there as you should be in order to become a successful person. They think you're also very demanding of them and you don't understand the value of money. They also know that you're religious or traditional in a way but you make your own rules when it comes to you. They know you'd do very well when you'll be in a position to lead a group of people. I can see 2 scenarios here, few of you could themselves be facing a hard time in love, struggling a lot, while others of you could be giving a hard time to people who are in love with you/romantically interested in you, such as rejecting proposals, having commitment issues, intentionally or unintentionally breaking other people's heart. You are more ambitious and goal oriented and interested in focusing on your career rather than love. Your parents can sense this, whether you talk about these issues or not. You seem like a very practical and rational person to your parents and so you're not verbal about how much you love them, you're a person of actions. Your love language could be acts of service or gift giving. They also think that you believe in yourself so much that nobody can bring you down. Yet there is this issue that you somehow do not realize the amount of power you hold, that you have the ability to achieve big things in life. Your parents already see you as the King of Pentacles, The Hierophant, but they think you're not working up to it whether they've ever said this to you or not.

That's all I got for you, my dear Pile 2.

Love, light, peace and hope to you..🌸🍁🌻🌼

𖨆 Pile 3

Cards: 3 of Pentacles, Temperance, 2 of Swords clarified by The Moon, 4 of Wands, 2 of Wands, 3 of Wands, Ace of Swords, High Priestess, Queen of Pentacles.

Welcome to your reading, Pile 3. Your parents think that you're very mature and you can also give good advice to people. They think you're quite sensible and philosophically, you're very open minded but when it comes to being sure of your own life, you get very confused. You might be torn between choosing your career and settling down. You don't know how to balance both. You're confused about what could come upon you if you do both the things. Currently, you could be more focused on your career, you might be wanting to achieve stability in your career first or you have a set target of achieving something specific in regards to your professional life. As far as your love life is concerned, whatever your relationship status might be, you seem heavily confused because you're afraid that your love life might interfere with your professional life. Your parents are very concerned about this because they want you to have more clarity in life and they want you to arrive at a proper conclusion. They might be trying to give you advice on this, but you're still confused and want to be left alone to decide for yourself on such significant matters of your life. Some of you might be into long distance relationships and so you're even more confused while some of you want to travel abroad for work and settle there. A few of you might even be waiting for your visa or if you're already abroad, you might be waiting for your citizenship. I'm also seeing lot of arguments here, between you and your parents. Your parents might be traditional and they might want you to have a traditional approach to life too. They want you to become responsible in life. You might want to travel the world or enjoy your life your way no matter how messed up it may look like to others. You don't want to have regrets later on in life. Your parents think you're not clear-headed though you seem so put together, they think you're so much internally balanced but you're not using your inner guidance in this matter.

That's all I got for you, my dear Pile 3.

Love, light, peace and hope to you..🌸🍁🌻🌼

𖨆 Pile 4

Cards: 9 of Cups, Page of Pentacles, The Hierophant, Queen of Pentacles, 9 of Pentacles clarified by Justice, The Sun, The Tower, King of Cups, 8 of Pentacles and 4 of Cups.

Welcome to your reading, Pile 4. Your parents think you're very lazy. You could belong to an upper middle class family or a financially well off family. They think you've been fortunate enough to have everything you demand available to you within no time. They think they've spoiled you but they still love you so much. Some of you could be an only child. Some of you could've started your own business or joined your family business. They know you're someone who wouldn't like to work under anyone, you would want your own thing. Your parents know that you're very talented but you don't do anything about it or you don't extract the full advantage out of it. They believe you can show the world how talented you are, that you are your own individual person, unique and full of potential despite coming from a wealthy family. They don't want the world to tell you later on that you didn't achieve anything on your own. You could have also inherited a lot of ancestral property or wealth. You want to continue having this kind of life in your future too but you're not working hard enough for it. You might also be very young at heart or very childish. You like to be spoon fed or you want others to do your work for you. Your parents might also have this fear that, if you don't learn your lessons by yourself, life will find out other ways to teach you and then that would put you in a tough situation and you wouldn't like it, you might have to learn the hard way then. That's why they want you to work hard for yourself and your future. You might also have too many friends, too many people who might not even be your well wishers. Your parents(even your guides) want you to choose wisely. You need to focus on yourself and that can be done only when you'll be in solitude. You need to observe more and be more connected with yourself.

That's all I got for you, my dear Pile 4.

Love, light, peace and hope to you..🌸🍁🌻🌼

𖨆 Pile 5

Cards: Justice, 4 of Swords, 4 of Cups, The Hanged Man, 6 of Pentacles, 4 of Pentacles, The Empress, 9 of Cups Rev, The Tower and The Emperor.

Welcome to your reading, Pile 5. Your parents think that you're unbiased and fair. You don't do things to show off or to impress anyone. You'll let people hate you for the things you do, which you think is right in your heart. Even your parents could be a little irked by how you defend yourself and others because they think you're arguing when you're just putting your point across. They think you're the quiet, calm and lonely child of your house. You not only like your solitude but you thrive in it. You function best when you're left alone, they think. They know you're also the one who hates conflicts but would start a fight if you're being wronged. They also think you're emotionally very sensitive and would go out of your way to help others. Your parents also want you to let go of the past and the things that hurt you, because you get yourself stuck in the sorrow and hurt and then you just don't budge, you don't move on. It takes a lot for you to get out of an emotional turmoil. They like how you're happy with your own self but they also want you to get out of your comfort zone and be out there more, make friends, talk more, socialize more. Maybe you have a very few friends or no friends at all. They think you'll succeed in your life if you go out and travel more because they think you also lack confidence and boldness. They think you're also very protective of them, very caring and family oriented. They want you to become strong because you might have faced a lot of difficulties earlier and you still appear very naive and weak to them(for a few of you, your parents or others might even tease you for appearing naive and weak) but I think you have a lot of inner strength, pile 5, which the world doesn't see. They think you're the disciplined and obedient child. They know you'll stick to them in tough times but some of your parents might even be taking advantage of you. They also think that you're not smart and clever enough to understand tricky situations/people, you may or may not be so.

That's all I got for you, my dear Pile 5.

Love, light, peace and hope to you..🌸🍁🌻🌼

Thank you so much for being here. I post PAC readings every Tuesday and Friday. Do love and support by reblogging, liking or following.

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[thisonehere]

Can you write about Smoke and female reader going on a date and some creep (maybe black or red dragon) walks up to the reader and tries to hit on her and even went far as smacking her butt really hard and Tomas loses his patience overall and beats the crap out of the creep?

My Hero

Tomas x reader

A/n: Okay, love this idea. I love writing Tomas in such a protective position. Btw, sorry to all the Rachel’s out there. Had to think of some name lol

C/w: Sexual harassment, S/a, mention of blood and violence

Tonight wasn't supposed to go like this. It was just supposed to be a fun little night for you and Tomas to unwind and spend some time together. Madame Bo's seemed like the perfect place to do it. The place as a whole had a really nice vibe always you feel at home . "I'm going to go get us a table." Tomas said to you. You just nodded as you took in the place. The smell of delicious food filled the air as restaurant staff and the distant sound of Bo berating someone. You smiled at it, you haven't been here for so long. "Pick the one with the nicest view." You ask Tomas as you dodged out of the way of a busy waitress with a tray full of food, the sight of it making you more hungry. "You're my nicest view." Tomas said with an abashed smile. You let a light chuckle at this. "Tomas! Really? Go!" You said with a smile.

You watched Tomas's giant figure disappear in the crowd. You waited at the entrance, your eyes wandered around and eventually found their way to the sky as you admired the stars above. It felt so nice to be out with Tomas, it was just him and you, just how you liked it. "Well, hello there." You heard a voice suddenly spoke to you. You looked down to find a stranger in front of you. He wore all black and small like a mix of alcohol and urine. His sleeves were rolled up to reveal a tattoo on his forearm, a clan marking. You narrowed your eyes as you immediately recognized, a black dragon marking. You didn't know the difference, but you did realize just how dangerous this could potentially be. He flashes you crooked smile, making your stomach churn in discomfort. Out of politeness you forced a smile into your face in return. "Um, hi."

"What's your name?" His eyes bounce up and down your body, eyeing specific parts of, you shifted uncomfortably under his gaze. "Um, Rachel." You lie, your eyes dart desperately inside, hoping that Tomas will come back right now to save you. "Rachel, huh?" He seems to bite his lip just a little. "Not bad for a Rachel..." He mumbles under his breath, causing you to feel more uncomfortable. You didn't like the way he was looking at you, you felt something horrible in your gut as you avoided eye contact.

"You come here often?" At this second you saw an opportunity. "Yes, I came here tonight with my boyfriend." You say, making sure to emphasize the boyfriend part. Hoping that this'll cause him to leave you alone. But he just shrugs at this. "Your boyfriend isn't here right now, is he? It's just you and me." His lips curl as you panic internally. "You know, me and my boys, we come here all the time. We go wherever we want actually, different states, different countries." his eyes gleamed at you expecting you to be impressed with his flex. "Uh, cool." You say awkwardly, trying to think of a way to escape from him. "What's your number? I could take you with me...if you are a good a good girl for me." You smile wanes at this. "Uh, excuse me, I have to go-" You try to quickly walk away, but he side steps you and blocks your path, that gross grin still on his face. "Hey, where you going?"

"Uh, M-My boyfriend's probably wondering where I am. So, I should go." You feel your heart begin to race as you try to get past him. But he's adamant about blocking you. "What's the rush? I'm sure he can wait." He stared at you up and down, the grin still on his face. "Come on, give a chance. I'm a nice guy." At that second, you see Tomas in the distance. His smile slowly fades as he sees the black dragon standing in front of you and the distressed look on your face, causing him to speed up. You drowned the man out as Tomas approached, you felt your heart beat against your chest as Tomas desperately made his way through the crowd of people. You were pretty sure the man asked for your number, he tried to ask what your sign was, he asked if you were even listening.

"Y/n! " Tomas called as he finally made it you. The black dragon looks over his shoulder, his narrowed eyes stretch at the sight of Tomas. He clears his throat and puffs up his chest. "Excuse me? Listen, I don't know who this 'Y/n is, but me and Rachel are having a conversation. Fuck off." He tried to make his voice sound deeper as his eyes darted all over Tomas's large figure.

Tomas steps in front of you, getting in the man's way. "Okay, feel free to talk to this 'Rachel', while me and Y/n excuse ourselves." If you could see his face, the man no doubt was confused. "Wait, what-" but Tomas interiors him, "Excuse us." Tomas gently takes your hand, "Come one." He softly whispers to you as you. "So it's like that 'Y/n', huh?". You avoid eye contact as you pass by him. "Alright then, let me know when you want a real man. I'll be sure to remember that sweet ass of yours?"

You gasp as you feel the sting of his hand slap your butt. Immediately, Tomas spins on his heels to face the Black dragon, who eagerly meets his face with a smirk. "What?". You were in too much shock to speak, you just stared at the two as they stared at each other. "Listen, you better run off before I-" but before he can finish his sentence, Tomas's fist slam into the man's face at lightning fast speed. The man slams onto the ground, a surprised look on his face as he clenches his broken nose. Many people inside stopped what they were doing to peer outside and see what was going on. "Fuckin' bastard, I'll-I'll kill you! And then I'll grab you bitch and-" he doesn't have a chance to finish, Tomas grabs him by the throat and begins to pummel him. You stood there and watched, slightly scared, you never saw this part of Tomas before. You knew he was Lin Kuei, but you never anticipated he could be this brutal.

After a few more hits, Tomas stops stares down at his work. The Black dragon laid unresponsive, his blood painted all over Tomas's fist. He looks at you as if he forgot you were there, a mortified look forms into his face. "Y/n, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to...in-in front of you-I-I" he lowers his head in embarrassment, he didn't mean to get so violent in front of you. But the moment the man touched you, everything went red for Tomas. "A-Are you okay?" He finally found the courage to speak. You looked at the Black Dragon and then back at Tomas, "I-I am...Thank you."

You offered your hand to Tomas. Your lips curl a little into a small but grateful smile. Tomas turned your smile and took your hand, and you both went back into the building, leaving the Black Dragon unconscious on the ground outside.

[seat-safety-switch]

"Get in the fucking car, loser. My name is Detective Tina Clownhater, I came from Upper Precinct, and we're going to the fucking circus. One of the clowns was found dead in among about 72 others stuffed into a tiny car, and we think it's Japanese."

"The car?"

"The clown."

I'd heard of Detective Clownhater before. Read some of her reports when they came around the inter-office mail. Circus division. She also did carnivals, which people think is the same thing, but really it isn't. As we rode in silence to the Carny District, I decided I wasn't going to like her. Mostly, it was because she still clung to an outmoded, indulgent, and inefficient mode of transportation known as the 2003 detective-issue Crown Victoria. My own City II Turbo would have been a much more enjoyable ride, but I didn't want to press the issue. Chief was already getting on my case about racking up the mileage per diem anyway.

Maybe I should introduce myself, too. My name is Archibald Shitpope, and I'm a detective for the city police. Every detective here specializes in something – they figured it was more efficient than having us all fight over the same books in detective school – and for me, my passion carried me to Japanese-made economy cars. You'd be surprised how often they crop up in my cases. This was going to be a bit outside of my remit, being a Japanese-made economy clown, but I'm a professional. I'd do the job.

I regretted that promise as soon as we stepped onto the crime scene. Besides the copious amount of blood and viscera thrown about the scene ("explosive decompression," explained Todd the CSI, in between Instagram updates of the most grotesque parts,) the clowns had been stuffed into a Fiat. An Italian-made shitbox. It's amazing they weren't burned alive. From what we could tell from interviews, the clown used to be Takenobu Unchipiero, a famous clown actor in his home country. Top of the industry, I was assured. After a series of gambling scandals, he was forced to retreat to North America, where our standards for clowns are much lower.

I was about to ask Detective Clownhater to buy some business-class tickets to Tokyo so we could "chase up some leads" – I wanted to buy an S660 while the auction market was still soft – but the amount of boiling rage behind her eyes indicated to me that she had already assumed I was going to do that. Instead, I returned to my work of checking the crime scene and interviewing witnesses, only intermittently pausing to take a look at the latest wheels posted to Up Garage's terrible website.

That's when Todd cracked it for us. While mopping up what was left of poor Takenobu, an artificial heart fell out. I couldn't help but notice its unique design: a triangular pump that spun eccentrically in a housing. A rotary engine, in other words. No normal person would have such a heart. Mr. Unchipiero was up to his neck in debt with the Wankel Mafia.

[twinsfawn]

i’m actually at the end of my fucking rope with how willfully ignorant some of y’all are about the genocide currently taking place. if you’re spewing vote blue no matter who rhetoric everywhere, block me. if you think gofundme posts on your dash/asks in your inbox are an inconvenience, block me. if you think your life is somehow more important than those in the levant, block me.

my father’s home country is being bombed. i have relatives that could be fucking dead tomorrow. i’m tired of everyone putting their hands over their ears and pretending this shit isn’t happening. the way people in the western world turn a blind eye to ethnic cleansing sickens me. who the hell do you think you are deciding that your life is worth more than others. despite the propaganda we get fed daily, war in the levant is not normal. bombs are not normal. gunfire is not normal. famine is not normal. you are told that it is normal in these regions because it is being funded and encouraged by the government you live under.

i don’t give a fuck if learning about the war crimes currently taking place makes you “uncomfortable”. the people who have lost limbs to bombs and gunfire are uncomfortable. the people who don’t have access to consistent food or clean drinking water are uncomfortable. the people who are suffering through severe disease without any medical treatment are uncomfortable.

it baffles me that people can still be so selfish and uncaring after seeing photo and video evidence of what has been taking place in palestine (and now lebanon and syria). reach in and scrounge up some sense of empathy and humanity for fucks sake.

[hatsukeii]

think fast / childhood bsf!tsukshima kei x reader

genre(s): childhood best friends x soulmates???? past lives and normal people by sally rooney coded im a sally rooney MEATRIDER!! angsty, gut-wrenching longing, bittersweet / hopeful ending so it's not all bad!! nostalgia is going to carry this fic so hard it's going to be a fun, fun time...

warning(s): eventual smut!! all characters are aged up to 21!!MDNI (at least up until the observatory)!! wrap it before you tap it!! (sorry kids), female leaning anatomy because smut but pronouns are gn all throughout and honestly you could read it as gn anyways:)) dead dad warning (my dad is NOT dead this was just convenient to kick off the thing), i fw the timeline of the world??? pretend flip phones were still in use in like 2012 or something idk

wc: ~6.3k

tldr; time has a way of reminding Kei of its presence, and its escape. you are the reminder it has been sending to him for six years.

Fate: A power believed to cause and control all events, so that one cannot change or determine the way things will happen. 

It is a sunny afternoon when you step foot into Sendai, Miyagi. A beautiful day of golden warmth beaming onto petals of pink, red, and white, wrapped in coffee-stained newspapers and tied together with a spool of twine. The bouquet lies on browning grass, a contemptible reminder of the time that has passed since your last appearance here, six years ago, and you crouch down to the ground. Now face to face with the engraving of a full name on a slab of polished granite, you hesitate. Your father lived in a language that you can no longer speak, died in a country you no longer call your home. When you whisper blessings and apologies at the gravestone in broken Japanese and slurred syllables, you sound like a stranger. A stranger who sits in a graveyard at noon, with nothing but a bouquet from the nearby florist in hand, and a promise, stuttered out in half-decent Japanese, to return again the next year. 

When a second bouquet falls to the ground behind you, and you turn around, Tsukishima Kei thinks this is what English speakers like you would call fate. He’s a little taller now, and bulkier too, and you have to crane your head higher than you remember just to meet his eyes. You don’t recognise the glasses he dons anymore, the black rectangles from his teenage years swapped out for rounded squares and silver frames. But he has a towel in his hand, a towel that has his initials poorly stitched into the corner with red string. You wonder if the matching one he made you, eleven years ago, is collecting dust somewhere in your dormitory, halfway across the world. 

“You’re back.”

“It’s been a while, Kei.”

You can no longer differentiate Japanese syllables clearly, and your statement jumbles into nonsense in your head. Kei hears the English woven into your accent in the way you roll your tongue like foreigners do, and in the odd intonations that don’t exist in your mother tongue. You don’t even remember your father’s dislike for white flowers. London has truly done a number on you. 

“Why? Why now?”

You bite your nail, a persistent habit that Kei frowns at. He picks up his flowers, and steps towards the gravestone, just close enough for your knee to brush against him for a moment. The bouquet in his hand is wrapped in plastic and filled with red and pink, the white from your own sticking out like a sore thumb when he places his flowers gently on the grass beside yours. He tosses the towel in his hand, opening it up against his palm, and you take it from him. If you cannot get the language right, or the flowers, this is the least you can do. Cobwebs stick to the fabric as you sweep at the granite slab, watching soot and dust fall to the grass. The curves and dips of the gravestone are familiar once again, and you dig the towel into every nook and cranny. You feel Kei’s body shift, before his knee is touching yours and his face is finally level with your peripheral vision. He glances at you, waiting. His knees bounce in anticipation. 

“Never had the chance, college has been a lot.”

Your phone rings as you finish cleaning. The ringtone is familiar, unchanged from when you used to have a flip phone, in fact. Kei hums along to the jingle for the four seconds that the call is left unanswered, before it cuts off into a flurry of English. He catches something about research, and a thesis, his shabby English unable to fill in any more than that. He’s never known you were interested in research, let alone what it is that you’re researching. All he’s known is your aspiration of becoming a librarian when you were six, and his promise to borrow books from you for the museum that he swore he would one day work at. Now, he works at the museum, sorts antique scripts and yellowed books into cabinets and display shelves. He does not borrow books from you. Now, you talk, but nothing makes sense to him.

You end the call, mumbling foreign curses as you shove your phone back into your pocket. Clicking your tongue, you turn to Kei, who stares at the flowers on the ground. He pushes his glasses up when they slide down his nose, and you resist the familiar urge to nag him about buying the right frames for his face. 

“Yeah, college has been mostly phone calls like that.”

He nods, a half-hearted chuckle huffing from his nose. He’s forgotten what it’s like to sit at a graveyard with somebody else, the annual reminder of a lonely death replaced by another this year as you dust off his towel, and drop it onto his thigh. He swipes it from his leg, folding it into quarters and sliding it into his pocket. 

“So you choose to come now, without a word? Not even a heads up? Six years after leaving?” Kei’s voice rises at each question, the same way it did six years ago when you broke the news of leaving Japan to him. This hurts him to ask, that much you can still recognise.

“I would have come sooner if I had the chance. I’ve missed everyone so much.”

You pluck a petal from a white flower in your bouquet, then another, until all that remains is the naked bulb, and scatter them onto the ground beside you. Perhaps the next person that’s been buried under six feet of dirt used to have a liking for them. Kei remains unmoving, throat bobbing as he swallows thickly. His knee stops bouncing. 

“How long will you stay for?”

“Today, then Friday and Saturday too. Flight back is Sunday night.”

Six years of waiting, and this is what it amounts to. A weekend and a bit. Despite that, Kei still thinks this must be fate, in all the languages that it exists in. Six years of life, and love, and hurt, all to be condensed into four measly days. Yet as Kei pushes himself off the ground, dusting his trousers off, he still thinks that this unlikely, yet conveniently timed visit must be the answer to his pleas for your return. That this must be some heavenly reward, good karma for visiting your father’s grave annually on your behalf. You watch him turn to leave, and he calls out to you as he walks away from your father’s grave. 

“Everyone’s at Hinata’s old place tomorrow. You should come by if you can.”

▬▬▬▬▬▬▬

Change: to replace (something) with something else, especially something of the same kind that is newer or better; substitute one thing for (another).

All it takes is one coincidental exchange of panicked glances at the first throw up of the night for you and Kei to leave together. Hinata slurs a drunken farewell, tries to embrace you as you slip your sneakers on at the door, and you make a note to yourself that you really do not miss most of the people here, spare for the volleyball team. Kei waits at the door, holding it open for when you finally shake Hinata off of your back, and step through. The night is chilly, the warmth in your skin from the indoor heating system emanating into the midnight air. You kick rocks along the pavement as you walk, scattering pigeons that remain awake and active at this time, and Kei smiles at your antics. You still hate birds, and you still remember the trick he taught you when you were nine for chasing away pigeons that flocked around you for food. 

“Who are you staying with?”

“My mom’s.”

The road leads the two of you to a high school. Kei has not come back to Karasuno since graduation. You squint in the dark, scanning the school, and you don’t recognise the new building that stands in place of the old auditorium. He watches you crouch at the plaque next to the front gate, tracing the letters engraved on it with the pad of your thumb. Some part of him blames Karasuno for being a bad place to you, the other parts blame himself for not being good enough to outweigh it.

“It’s changed.”

“Everything has.”

You rattle the locked entrance, the chain and padlock hitting against cold metal. It won’t open, so you look up through the gap of the gate. Six years ago, on that rooftop, was where you stood over a cold lunch box and emptied convenience store drinks, back against the wire fence, saying to Kei, I’m leaving tomorrow. On that day, you had packed yakisoba for his lunch, and nothing for yourself. He could barely respond to your announcement, only dropping his chopsticks and asking you, why? You told him something along the lines of being an expat, and a better school for what you wanted, all in the fluent Japanese you once spoke. Nothing made sense to him anyways. 

When you turn back to him, his hands are in the pockets of his jacket, and his nose is red from the cold air. You stand beside him, staring aimlessly at Karasuno from outside its barriers. 

“Do you still play volleyball?” 

“Yeah, Sendai Frogs.”

You hum, and then wonder why you only asked tonight, and why you’re surprised. He shrugs, clouds of white puffing from his mouth when he breathes out. He tries to blow a wisp of hair away from his face, and you suddenly realise that his hair has grown too, along with his height. It fails, and he tries again. You reach up to swipe at his bangs, before running your fingers backwards through his hair. It parts itself as you lift your hands from his head, and falls into place neatly. A cold breeze whizzes by, and undoes your work, sending strands of gold into his face once again. You snicker a little.

“You know, you could ask my mom to trim it for you like she used to.”

“Nah, I prefer this.”

It isn’t until you turn to look at him properly that you see how much time has passed. He likes his hair longer these days, the choppy hairdo of his teenage years now nothing but an old preference, and you wonder if he is still a loyal customer of your mother’s salon. When he pulls his hands from his pockets and blows hot air into them, calluses line the bases of his fingers, the blisters of his high school years hardened by trials of time and effort. There are bags under his eyes, eyes that are now a little rounder, and softer too. When he speaks, monotone and tired, you realise his snarkiness has dissipated into general frustration. You stare until his eyes dart to you, and turn away quickly, ashamed. Leaving Karasuno has taken your hand and led you to a purpose that you never knew you were capable of. You wonder what the hell it has done to Tsukishima Kei. 

“It looks good.”

He breathes in sharply, then exhales with a huff, shoulders relaxing as he stuffs his hands back into his pockets. You suddenly realise that your fingers have gone numb from the cold of the night, fingertips tingling like a million frost-bitten needles poking into your skin. You also stuff your hands into your pockets, rubbing your fingers against each other to generate some heat. Then, Kei’s looping his arm around yours, and pulling you away from Karasuno High School. He keeps on his straight path, and you stumble along behind his leaping steps. When you round a corner, the night breeze grows into something less imperturbable, and more vicious, pushing the two of you forward from behind in slashes of cold. The sea is near. 

“Is this the beach we used to go to?”

“You still remember it.”

He drags you down a flight of stairs to Fukanuma Beach, and the misty sea air rushes to your head. When he leads you to the shoreline, you hesitate. The sea has been off limits since the two of you were five, a regulation put in place in remembrance of the Great Sendai Earthquake. An earthquake that saw Kei and yourself hunched beneath the same table in the middle of class, huddled next to each other as you cried for your parents. Now, in your final years of college, as the water slips beneath the soles of his shoes, pushing and receding in layers of aqua and bubbles of white, it seems that time has slipped by just as easily too. Time, that saw the fading of the earthquake’s devastation, despite the loss of thousands, including your father. Time, that frayed the string connecting yourself to Kei as you moved through life halfway across the world from Japan. Time, that passes through you like sand spilling between your fingers on a beach you once thought you knew, but has changed like the unprohibited water that seems to push further up into the shore at each tidal wave. 

“They lifted the ban?”

“A few months ago, yeah.”

You step into the next wave that fizzles into foam, and the water crashes into the toe of your shoes. Crouching, you push mounds of wet sand into a cylinder, flattening the top and pushing divots in equal intervals. Kei joins, moulding shorter ones beside your own and drawing windows into the side. You finish, and he stands, smiling at the creation. You cover the top, afraid he will stomp on it, a trademark of Kei’s whenever you built sandcastles with him in childhood. Instead, he laughs, and walks further into the water. When you get up to join him, the hems of his trousers are soaked, shoes also covered in a sheen of wetness. You hop over the castle, and the next wave that comes sends its foundations crumbling back into the sea. 

“We used to do that. You’d destroy it every time.”

Kei chuckles, and looks back to see the half destroyed castle. Clicking his tongue, he returns to the rubble, and you watch his hands push mounds of sand towards what is left standing. 

“I’d always build a better one for you afterwards though.”

He dusts his hands off when he finishes, and the waves fizzle out just before they hit the two-tiered sandcastle. You sniff, holding your arms close to your chest. When Kei looks up, he feels like the summer of being seven years old again, smiling at you with his missing front tooth when you sniffle and laugh at the improved castle he’s put together for you. Now, it is winter. He only grins with the corners of his lips. You only sniff because it’s cold. 

“Kei.”

“Yeah?”

“It’s really been a while. How have you been?”

He steps over the castle towards you, careful not to break it. Your hair blows in your face from the beach breeze and your eyes squint from the sand that flies into the air, and Kei takes it all in when you’re face to face with him. When he opens his mouth, some selfish part of him thinks about casting his words into shackles of regret, so heavy that they weigh you down and keep you in Japan, in Sendai, on this beach, somewhere close to him.

“Do you want to stay the night? Like you used to?”

▬▬▬▬▬▬▬

Nostalgia: A sentimental longing, or wistful yearning for a return to or of some past period or irrecoverable condition.

Kei does not take you to his family house. He leads you up stairs that make no sense, and hallways that stretch on forever, until you finally reach his flat. He wipes his shoes on the doormat, throws his keys into a glass bowl upon entry, and hangs his jacket on a hook mounted to his front door instead of the coathanger that used to stand beside it. You look around, searching for the shells you once collected in a jar for his tenth birthday. When your eyes land on a jar filled with conches and cowries, you let go of a breath you were unaware of holding. They sit on the top of his bookshelf, above textbooks and file organisers. A knot forms in your throat at the realisation that the jar sits alone in its compartment, with nothing beside it. You’ve done the same to the jazz vinyl Kei gifted you at the airport before your departure. You don’t realise that he’s disappeared somewhere as you stare at the shells, until a shirt and a pair of shorts are thrown into your chest. He stands at the entrance to a hallway, donning sweatpants and an old hoodie, one that’s clearly a size too small. The pocket is lousily sewn on, a result of a mishap that occurred when you had borrowed it once. He doesn’t know that you spent the night learning to sew fabric just to fix it.

“Change. It’ll be more comfortable.”

You scurry through the hallway to his bathroom, pulling the shirt and shorts on hastily, before balling up your clothes and returning to the living room. Kei sits at his couch, now bound in leather instead of fabric, and clicks at the television. You join beside him, legs splaying across his own subconsciously. He doesn’t move. He stops at a movie, one you’ve seen hundreds of times before at his old house. It drones on in the background as he watches in silence, his arms now draped over your knees. The first time he watched this movie, it was in his old home, cross-legged on the carpeted ground with you on the couch behind him. Your hands used to press into his shoulders from above, shake them whenever your favourite scenes came on, squeeze them when you laughed until tears rolled from your eyes. Now that his new flat lacks a rug, he’s willing to settle with your legs on his own. Flashing lights illuminate the dark room in sequences that you can still recall perfectly from memory. He watches the movie. You watch him. 

“Have you been doing good, Kei?”

Turning to you, he pushes his glasses up into his hair, leaning further back. You shuffle closer, legs bending as your shoulder digs into the leather couch. A strand of blond falls into his face, and you lift his glasses to tuck it back, before smoothing your hands over his mess of hair, combing and pushing with your fingertips.The words from the television melt into gibberish when he hums in satisfaction, what is unspoken between you two is more glaring than ever.

“I’ve been okay.” He cuts off, then finds himself thinking of what to tell you first, amongst the recollections of life that rush through his head. “Started working at the museum a couple years ago.” He wishes that you still remember the building, where the marble floors squeaked beneath your slippers, and glass panels lined the walls, hiding away treasures and artefacts that have withstood centuries, maybe even eons of erosion and weathering.

You nod, mind filling with the many museum visits you had with him there. He’s always liked the dinosaurs more than the shells. When you breathe out a chuckle, he knows you’re recalling the time he almost pissed himself at a life-sized, moving tyrannosaurus rex model. 

“What about you?”

“Research. I’ve been doing research about…” you sign in the air, searching for the Japanese words that have slipped from your mind. Surrendering, you whip your phone out, searching for a translation. 

“Archaeology?”

“Yeah, that. No more librarian dreams for me. More dinosaurs, though.”

A smile finds its way onto Kei’s face, one that softens his cheeks and flattens his eyes into crescents. He wonders if amongst the silver plaques and digital displays, your work is engraved in there somewhere. If each time he explains something to some bright-eyed child, who scuttles around the museum as you and him once did, he is unknowingly speaking in your language, translated until he can decipher the thoughts that run through your mind in your research, your memories, your dreams too. 

“Maybe it’s in the museum somewhere. I’m willing to bet.”

“I hope it is.”

Your conversation fizzles back into silence, and the characters on the television do too. The two on the screen sit in a field, mere inches apart. The two of you look at each other, your knees now leaned into Kei’s chest and one of his arms draped along the back of the couch. When he pulls his glasses back to his eyes, and studies you all over again, it hits him that you really haven’t changed all that much, even after your six year separation. Six years older, with the exhaustion of a functioning adult, but you still gnaw on your cheeks, and tilt your head as you ask questions. Six years apart, and you are still you, who taught him to build sandcastles, and introduced him to his favourite movie, and fixed his hair whenever it stuck up in stubborn peaks of gold. When you let your eyes close, and drop your head onto his shoulder, you wait for lost time to tick backwards, until you’re on the rooftop with him once again. In this version of time, you blush when you tell him that you’ve chosen to stay in Japan instead. Pushing your head further into the crook of his neck, Kei’s chin reaches over to rest on the top of your crown. The credits of the movie roll in the background, and you mumble into the skin of his pulse. 

“Can you take me there? I’ve missed it.” Your words send vibrations down his spine, sending his head into a frenzy as he pushes his hands against the couch harder. 

“The museum?” It will be closed for the weekend, but Kei nods anyway. He’s sure he can find his way in through the back. Maybe he’ll take you to the fossils again, let you run your fingers along smooth amber and stone engravings. Perhaps he could show you the new exhibitions, ones that you won’t miss this time, as you have for the past six years. For now, he thinks he will let you sleep on his shoulder, listen to your soft snores, tremble at every hot breath that fans onto his neck. 

The credits roll to the end, and come to a stop. Kei removes his arm from the couch to grab the remote from his coffee table. He rewinds the movie to the start.

▬▬▬▬▬▬▬

思慕 [しぼ, shibo]: yearning; deep longing, especially when accompanied by tenderness or sadness.

On the final night of your stay, you learn that Kei still giggles when he breaks rules, as he drags you through the back entrance of the closed museum. He maneuvers through hallways of antique paintings and repurposed junk, slips into dark stairwells illuminated by the flashlight of his phone, traps your wrist between his fingers and chuckles to himself, shaking his head as he takes you higher, and higher, and higher. You’ve lost count of how many flights of stairs have gone by when he taps his keycard against a sensor by a backdoor, and pushes it open. The museum observatory, once a mess of bamboo scaffolding and green covers, now allows silver moonlight through its glass dome, boasting billions of iridescent stars nestled in a blanket of hazy midnight. A decade of your anticipation has resulted in a circular space, hundreds of plush recliners lining the circumference of the room, and you wonder how many eyes have watched the stars from those seats before you ever had the chance to. When Kei leads you further into the observatory, you step foot onto the north star plastered on the ground in the centre of the room, where nothing but a telescope remains in a ten-foot radius. He takes a spot on the ground, back pressed against the cushioned edge of a seat.

“I figured this is the best spot. Better than any of the seats, actually.” He plants his feet on the ground, bending his knees and spreading them just wide enough for you to sit in between. You cross your legs, wagging them up and down as your hands hold your shins, and he lowers his legs, stretching them out in front of him. Leaning back, your spine hits a spot between his ribs, the same way it did when you were thirteen, and fourteen, and fifteen, staring at stars from the grass of his backyard. You pity the visitors that have yet to discover the simplicity of stargazing from the ground, hands pushed into the ground for stability, dirt and moisture seeping into the fabric of clothing. Pushing further into him, his breathing is heavy against your back, chest rising in rhythmic ups and downs. For what feels like hours, you sit in silence, eyes trained on your fingers that pick and fiddle. At the realisation that you haven’t looked at the stars in years, something bubbles in your stomach, pervasive, relentless. When you finally loll your head backwards to fall on his shoulder, and the tip of Kei’s nose grazes your cheekbone, you wonder how long he has not looked at the stars for as well. 

“Why’d you stop calling?” His sudden question sends a haze rushing into your head.

You swallow thickly. If the passage of time were a sin, you’d burden it with all your explanations. Telling him that now would seem like some lousy excuse.

“It stopped going to your line a year after I left.” You pause, searching for the right words to use amidst the sea of Japanese and English that you must now sort out. “I only stopped trying after another month, the voicemail just said your number was no longer in use.” 

Kei wishes he could dig his fingers into his chest and rip his heart out. If only he hadn’t stupidly broken his phone that night, five years ago during volleyball practice. If only he had checked his pockets before entering the court, just as he has done hundreds of times before. If only he had this, if only he had that, he might just torment himself for the rest of his life. His breath hitches, shoulder freezing rigid. Time does not differentiate between the knowing and oblivious. It slips and leaks beneath the noses of all that it encompasses, and it is but the cautious few that know to grab it, and join in on its journey. He knows now that he is not one of them, not after he’s cursed at the passage of time over and over and over for his own blunder.

“I broke my phone in a game. Got a new one so the number changed as well, fuck me.”

You laugh dryly into the empty observatory. The occasional twinkling of the stars above do nothing to make his explanation any easier. You think you’ll blame it all on doomed fate that you’ve spent five years trying to find somebody that felt the same as Kei did, to no avail. Blame it on cursed luck that you’ve clawed and grabbed at anything familiar enough, archaeology, jazz vinyls, old DVDs of the movie shared between two, all to remind yourself that he too, was once within grasp. You say nothing, because you don’t see a reason to. Instead, you push your head into his neck, drown in the scent of his cologne, ease yourself into his now grown body. You don’t see him wipe a hand across his mouth, then rub his eyes with pinched fingers. 

When Kei decides to speak again, it is what feels like another hour later. He’s readjusted his posture about fifty times by now, arms removed from the ground and draped over your shoulders. The sensation of your hair against his skin is suddenly more prominent than ever when your hands find his own, holding them closer to yourself.

“If I didn’t find you at the grave, would you have looked for me?” His question is heavy, weighing his chest down as the words leave his throat in a hesitant cluster. You turn to look at him, and your eyes linger on his own when you squeeze his hands once, twice, then a third time. 

“I’ve been looking for five years. Nobody else could take me home.” Your heart rushes to your mouth at your confession, and the bob of Kei’s throat does not go unnoticed. One of his hands comes up to hold your shoulder, pushing it towards himself until your body twists, rubbing against his. You let go of him, pressing your fingers into the ground between his legs instead, and he breathes out shakily, his windpipe suddenly cleared of its uncertainty.

“You’re leaving tomorrow.”

“Yes, I am.”

His fingers slide down to grab your wrist, before going numb completely. His unoccupied hand peels itself from the floor and settles on the side of your waist. Your mouth goes dry when Kei breathes, hot and heavy, his eyes travelling to every inch of you. A bout of heat rushes from his chest to his head, and his legs, and his arms too. The air between the two of you is thick, and it sends your head into a feverish blur. The ground collapses beneath your knees as they shift to press into the floor, and you come face to face with Tsukishima Kei, who prefers his hair parted in bangs on the sides of his face, and wears silver frames instead of black ones. Tsukishima Kei, who has been visiting your father’s grave on your behalf for six years, and still plays volleyball even in his adulthood. Tsukishima Kei, whose eyes are finally finished with their ventures across your figure, that is pushed up against him on the ground of an observatory, and is learning whatever he can about you when his fingers tighten around your wrists and he kisses you without a warning. 

Once, at the young, innocent age of seven, Tsukishima Kei kissed you in this museum. You had run a little too fast, stepped on your loose laces and fallen onto the ground face first. You sulked at a bench facing some random painting of melting clocks, red dots scattered across a purple patch right beneath your eye. When he kneeled in front of you to grab your face, and pressed his lips onto the bruise for a fraction of a second, he must have kissed the pain away, mending the leaking capillaries beneath your skin as he separated from your cheeks with a pop. Now, he pulls against your wrists to push himself closer, traps you in the embrace of his legs around the back of your thighs, wheezes and stutters against your lips at the lack of oxygen in his lungs. His head is running in circles instead of straight paths, and everything is spinning. When your hands reach to grab at his shirt, and palm at his chest, he pulls away only to rip his glasses off and toss them to the ground. Beneath the glow of the moon from above, everything but your flushed cheeks and swollen lips is a blur. You take half a breath in, before it is interrupted by Kei’s palms pulling you in by the sides of your neck, and his mouth on yours again. At seven years old, he ripped bruising pain away from your face with a kiss. At twenty-one, he forces his pain, and grief, and regret rushing into your heart by pushing himself against you, fingers tangling themselves into your hair as he kisses you, desperate, almost distressed. Every tug at your lips is a confession left unspoken, every time Kei opens his mouth apologies spill out into you in choked groans and sighs. At the sensation of his hand leaving your neck, your arm searches for him aimlessly, before he’s palming at you through your pants. He swallows your sudden gasp, and your fingers grip his wrist until your knuckles go white. 

“Did you ever like me?” You can do nothing but choke out a question against his lips, one you’ve pondered about, day in and day out, since your departure from Japan.

By the way that Kei nods frantically, you’re certain that this is what six years of separation has amounted to. 

Sparing no time, your fingers tug at the hem of his boxers, pulling them down just enough to release himself from the fabric constraints. He does the same, hands roaming until they find the waistband of your pants to push them down, fingers tugging your underwear to the side with a flick. He grabs you by the waist beneath your shirt, yanks your body towards him until something feels right and he can’t help but let out a trembling sigh into your shoulder. And when you finally begin to sink yourself onto him, agonisingly slow, you wish that you had never left Japan in the first place. Your eyes roll to the back of your head, and you wish that you could spend the rest of your life in this observatory with Kei, your hands wrapped around the back of his sweat-slicked neck. 

When he pulls you down to push further, more pervasively, you fall into him, head hanging over his shoulder and arms squeezing around his neck. His inexperienced hands rock you back and forth against his hips, pulling a flurry of gasps and moans from your throat. He lets himself learn how you taste when his teeth tug at the hem of your shirt, pulling it down to expose your bare shoulder. His lips latch onto your collarbone, biting and sucking a trail of red marks up to the side of your neck. You shudder at his advances, and he studies the way your walls flutter around him, the erratic pulses that draw stars around his head, how your nails dig into his shoulders, and send his mind into a senseless orbit. 

When he pushes and pulls at you a little harder, you whimper his name into his ear, reduced to nothing but a babbling mess that nibbles at his neck and kisses up his jaw feverishly. First friend, first kiss, first love. The notion that this is another first that Tsukishima Kei has brought upon you sends your mind spiralling. He should have been your first prom date, first roommate, first dance too. If only you hadn’t left him first. You push your head off his shoulder, hands moving to hold his face instead. A wave of pleasure washes over you when his palm presses against your stomach, and you hang your head low again, a shaky sigh released from your chest. 

When you look up, there are tears in Kei’s eyes. He rolls his head back onto the plush seat behind him, hands lifting you off himself fully, just to push you back onto him again. You collapse into his body, palms pressing against his heaving chest. 

“I- fuck! I fucking loved you! I still do!” He speaks it into the glass ceiling as one hand reaches for his face. He wipes his palm across his eyes, only for more tears to form. They are uncontrollable, relentless as he turns his head away from you. He isn’t sure how he will live again tomorrow, not when he’s finally come to a reckoning with the pang in his chest at every thought of you. He thinks he could die the second you step onto that flight back to London, ripped away from him once again. The reality that he cannot stay buried inside you for any longer than the next couple of minutes haunts him to no end, the idea of being separated from you a second time unbearable to even imagine. When he turns back to see you, head on his chest and fingers gripping the fabric of his shirt, he decides that reality can wait until he’s finished with you. 

“I love you too- shit, Kei! I never stopped!”

You rut against his hips senselessly now, chasing some unfamiliar high as your vision fades to black and you scream his name until your throat goes hoarse. Kei barely gives you time to breathe, before he’s coming undone from right beneath you, shuddering and groaning as you relax against his body and go limp. He holds you against him, one hand pushing your head against his chest and the other wrapped around your back. He tucks your damp hair behind your ears, places kisses along your temple so he can hear the hums of satisfaction that sound from your curled lips. 

“Can you stay forever?” He mumbles into your hair, and you turn to press your ear against his chest. His heart pounds as he pushes his cheek into the crown of your head, and your hands crawl up his chest to wrap around his neck. When he looks up through the glass ceiling, the stars have not moved one bit.

“I’ll find you again, wherever you are.”

Time may slip away from Tsukishima Kei like petals that fall off the buds of flowers, water that seeps beneath the soles of his sneakers, stardust that hovers above the atmosphere. Yet he has learned that it has a way of always coming back to remind him of its presence, and its escape. You are the reminder that it has been sending to him for six years.

author's note:

ERM! never writing nsfw again that's for sure but this piece defs had some stuff that i was very, VERY proud of coming up with!! sorry to my minor moots who probably won't read this in its entirety bc of the big MDNI warning... but I honestly don't know how to feel about this piece as a whole... i was super excited to write it but i think i got a little impatient towards the end esp since im always writing at like 3am LOL but i hope you guys liked it anyways!!! i tried really hard to make the dynamic work and i hope it did!!!!!

also ps they exchange numbers again js a little extra bonus that i didn’t get to put into the actual thing

anyways tags!!

@staraxiaa @chuuya-brainrot @akaakeis @laughingfcx @writingsofanomnivore @t0rchknight @bailey-reeds @wyrcan @hiraethwa @fiannee @catsoupki @anonymity-222 @wishi-selfships @kuroppiii

ok love u guys thank u for being patient

[romiiq]

Part 2 of this

It had been a few months since Valentine’s Day, and Rafe had been pulling away more and more. He would disappear for hours without explanation, brushing off your questions with vague excuses about work or family. You’d ask him where he’d been, but he’d never look you in the eye. His answers felt hollow, like he was present, but not really there.

Tonight, though, was different. Topper had convinced you to join him and Sarah for drinks at the country club—a rare evening where you weren’t sitting at home, waiting for Rafe to come back from wherever he’d been. Sarah had even bought you a new dress, and as you stood in front of the mirror, you tried to convince yourself that tonight was going to be fun. You needed this.

"You look amazing, Y/N. Seriously," Sarah grinned, nudging you. "Forget about my brother for a night. Just… enjoy yourself."

You forced a smile, nodding. "Yeah, I’m trying." The truth was, it felt nice to be out, to laugh at Topper’s dumb jokes, to have a drink in hand instead of staring at your phone, wondering if Rafe would even bother coming home tonight. Laughing at some stupid joke Topper said you looked away from your friends to encounter someone.

Out of the corner of your eye, you saw him. At first, you thought you were imagining it—the dim light, the crowd, your mind playing tricks on you—but then you recognized that beautiful blonde hair and those wide shoulders and last but not least her.

Your heart clenched. Sofia. 

She was sitting in a dimly lit corner, her hand threaded through Rafe’s hair, pulling him close as she whispered something in his ear. He leaned in, smiling at her the way he used to smile at you, his fingers resting comfortably on her waist.

"Y/N?" Sarah’s voice was cautious, as she followed your gaze. "Oh my god…" She said as Topper followed muttered a “Fuck”.

"I-I need some air" you whispered, stumbling to your feet. You blinked back the shock, the betrayal sinking in like a heavy weight.

“Hey, wait—” Topper started, but you were already pushing through the crowd, your heart racing, and your senses numbed. You didn’t want to hear their pity, didn’t want to explain. You just needed to get out of there before you fell apart in front of everyone. You made it outside, the cool night air hitting you, but it did nothing to soothe the storm inside you. You stood there, hands shaking, trying to make sense of what you’d just seen.

He’s with her. He’s always been with her. Your mind shouted as the noise behind you started to face and a cold sweat creeped on your back. Meanwhile Sarah confronted her brother who just ran to you before you could collect yourself, footsteps echoed behind you. You knew who it was, you could recognize him even blind.

"Y/N…" Rafe’s voice was low, his tone already defensive.

You turned slowly, your eyes locking with his and your shaky arm raised, stopping him in his tracks. "Don’t." Your voice was sharp, filled with more hurt than you had ever imagined.

“Y/N, I can explain,” Rafe started, stepping toward you.

You shook your head, taking a step back. "Explain what, Rafe? That you’re still in love with her? That you’ve been sneaking around behind my back this whole time?"

Rafe flinched. “It’s not what it looks like—"

“Oh, really?” Your voice rose, incredulous. "Because it looks exactly like you’re cheating on me with the girl you’ve never let go of! How long has this been going on? How long have you been lying to me?" His silence told you everything his mouth didn’t.

Tears burned at the corners of your eyes, but you refused to let them fall. Not in front of him. He didn’t deserve them. "You called me by her name, Rafe," you whispered, your voice shaking. "That night… on Valentine’s Day. You said her name in your sleep."

His face paled, his mouth opening to say something anything to fix it, as his mind raced trying to remember, but you cut him off.

"You kissed her the same way you used to kiss me, or maybe you were kissing me as you used to kiss her" you continued, your chest tightening and your voice raising. "And I sat here, trying to convince myself that I was enough. That you’d forget her if I just loved you harder, if I tried harder. But I was never going to be enough for you, was I?"

“Y/N, please… listen to me, it’s not like that—” He reached for your hand, but you pulled away nauseous and flowning, the sting of his touch too much to bear. Sarah and Topper stumbled outside looking for you with worry written across their faces. Sarah immediately ran to you as Topper followed her cautiously.

“Y/N, do you want to get out of here?” Sarah asked gently, grabbing your arm, glancing warily at Rafe. 

“No, let her stay," Rafe snapped cold as always with his sister and desperation showing. "I need to talk to her.” But you shook your head, feeling the weight of everything fall on your shoulders. You were done.

"I’m done, Rafe," you said softly, but firmly. "You’ve made your choice. It was always Sofia." Rafe’s eyes filled with panic, his voice breaking. “Y/N, please… don’t walk away. I—I love you.” 

You let out a bitter laugh, wiping away a tear. “You love the idea of me, Rafe. But not me and I don't even know if what I said first it's the truth. If you did, you wouldn’t have gone back to her.”

Topper stepped in, putting a hand on Rafe’s shoulder. “Man, maybe you should back off, let her breathe.” “Stay out of it, Top!” Rafe barked, his frustration boiling over pushing Topper aside. But you had already started to walk towards Topper’s truck, Sarah by your side, as Topper stood his ground and pushed Rafe back, keeping him in check.

“I’m sorry,” Sarah whispered, her voice heavy with guilt. You smiled sadly at her. “Don’t be. It’s not your fault.” Rafe’s voice called out to you one last time as Topper held him back. “Y/N! Please… I can fix this!”

But you didn’t turn back. For the first time in a long time as you hopped in Topper’s truck, you felt a sense of clarity. This was the end. And maybe, just maybe, it was the beginning of something better.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

[romihearts]

food delivery (grab) driver! kinich x reader

a/n: this is a stupid ramble thing to save my fried brain from exams aaauuuuueueaaagghhh this is also not proofread + im basing this off a delivery service in my country called grab

the bright light from your tv screen had been your only source of warmth these past hours. you were lazing around in your dark room, scrolling on your phone for any type of entertainment other than the gameshow presented on the tv. pending assignments long gone, you'd rather just worry about them tomorrow morning.

you didn't realize how late it exactly was, (it was 3 am) but something you did know was that you were hungry. not having any energy to really look for any open shops, you opted for online delivery. doubting that you'd really have a chance for finding food so late in the night, it didn't hurt to try.

opening the app, you scrolled for any shop available. you found one, it served [desired food here] at a decent price point. it even surprised you that they were still serving food at this late of an hour. nonetheless, you weren't really complaining. choosing your desired meals, you pressed 'order' and patiently waited for your food.

after 35 minutes are so a notification popped up on your screen that your food was now there, right infront of your home. quickly fixing yourself, you immediately head out.

the dark yet alluring night sky hid majority of the other houses. yet you could clearly see a distinct man and the motorcycle, holding what seems to be your food. the man looks around, then he spots you. you walked towards him with groggy eyes due to the prolonged light exposure from your electronics.

despite the dimness of night, the streetlights provided some light. from which you were finally able to see who was delivering your food.

the man had black hair, quite lucious too. he wore a bandana of the company's color: green. and despite the usual get-up of delivery drivers, he had a compression (is that what you call it?) shirt on with loose sage sweatpants. even though it was simply the weak streetlight shining below the both of you, you were immediately encapsulated by his image. what the fuck your delivery driver had you entranced ????

his voice called out, breaking you from your thoughts. "This is yours, I presume? Its [place price here]." you immediately scurried to get and gige your money, thinking that you've already embarrassed yourself by staring.

the fact that there was barely any light was irritating. you couldn't find the needed coins to finally pay your driver who's been observing you for the past minute or so. with even more pressure, you hurried to find it and alas, you did! finally being able to pay him, you hand him your money while he hands you your food.

"took a bit there." the man commented. you wanted to simply melt to the floor from embarassment, but you first needed to apologize for his time. the man looked at you with a stoic expression before saying that it was just a 'joke'. he had a weird sense of humore it seemed.

the delivery driver finally set off, and you were now headed back to your place. while walking, you checked the paper bag and noticed some writing on it: "xx-xxx-xxx - ur delivery driver, kinich. call me."

[entwinedmoon]

Cold Boys and Cannibalism

With today’s news concerning the identification of James Fitzjames’s remains—and the fact that those remains show signs of cannibalism—I have been thinking a lot about how those final, desperate days of the Franklin Expedition went down. But I’ve been thinking about those days in a particular light, one influenced by another special interest of mine: the Andes flight disaster.

The Andes flight disaster—aka the crash of the Uruguayan Air Force Flight 571, aka That Time In 1972 When A Uruguayan Rugby Team Was On A Plane That Crashed Into The Andes And They Had To Eat Their Dead Friends In Order To Survive—has long been a casual interest of mine. But earlier this year I watched the movie Society of the Snow, based on the book by the same name, and that kicked this interest into a full-blown hyper-fixation. I’ve been reading every book about it I can get my hands on, and I’m constantly trying to steer conversations towards mentioning it (“It’s a cold night tonight…but not nearly as cold as what the survivors of the Fairchild 571 had to endure on that mountain…”).

The Andes flight disaster has several similarities with the Franklin Expedition. They were stranded in the middle of nowhere, they had to endure freezing temperatures, and when the food ran out, they resorted to eating the flesh of their dead companions. There are also some major differences, of course, such as the Franklin Expedition being a purposeful exercise in exploration whereas the Andes flight disaster was an accident, and instead of highly trained members of the Royal Navy who followed a strict chain of command, the passengers on the F-571 were mostly pampered, upper-class, well-educated men in their late teens to mid-twenties, along with some friends and family, and there wasn’t an obvious leader or authority after the crash. But one of the main differences is that, unlike the Franklin Expedition, there were survivors of the Andes flight disaster.

Sixteen men survived 72 days on top of a mountain in the Andes, suffering through brutal temperatures, altitude sickness, starvation, an avalanche, and watching their close friends—and sometimes even their family—die. They were only saved when two of those survivors—Nando Parrado and Roberto Canessa—hiked ten days through the Andes to get help. When they were found, no one could believe it. These men had been written off as dead shortly after the crash. Despite only 16 out of 45 people making it out alive, their survival was hailed as a miracle. When they returned to Uruguay, they were treated like heroes.

Unfortunately, some members of the press were far more interested in painting these survivors as deranged savages. The rescue team had leaked photographs showing partially eaten body parts strewn around the wrecked airplane where the men had taken shelter. However, during a press conference on their return home, the survivors did not shy away from the truth. They admitted that they had only survived thanks to eating the flesh of those who had died. One of the survivors, Pancho Delgado, compared their eating of human flesh for physical salvation to the eating of Christ’s body for spiritual salvation. The largely Catholic country of Uruguay embraced this comparison.

The book Alive, written by Piers Paul Read using extensive interviews with the survivors taken shortly after their rescue, goes into some detail about the cannibalism that took place. It is not a book for the faint of heart. But even though the survivors have been very open about what they did, they still have attempted to distance themselves from this ultimate taboo by insisting that what they did wasn’t technically cannibalism but “anthropophagy.” Anthropophagy is the eating of human flesh, which the Andes survivors certainly did engage in, but they also very much did cannibalism. Survival cannibalism is the consumption of a member of your own species in order to survive, which is exactly what happened in the Andes—and what happened in the Arctic with the Franklin Expedition.

Every book I've read about the Andes flight disaster—Alive, Society of the Snow, and the several memoirs written by the survivors (14 of whom are still alive today)—all tell of the moment when the survivors decided they would eat the dead in order to live. Around the tenth day, after an agonizing and disappointing wait for someone to find them, several of the survivors spoke up. They had all been holding out hope that they would be rescued—their small food supply, mostly made up of snacks, candy, and alcohol, dwindling rapidly despite strict rationing—but it had become painfully clear that there would be no rescuers. No one was coming for them. And they had no food. They could only survive if they walked out, but they could only do that if they had the strength to do so. They needed to eat. There was only one way.

Some of the people who had survived the crash resisted the idea, while others fully supported it. Many put forth arguments for or against. Some said that they had a moral obligation to stay alive, and letting themselves die was wrong. Roberto Canessa, one of the two men who would later walk through the mountains to find help, was a nineteen-year-old medical student, and he emphasized the scientific side of things, explaining how they needed proteins to survive or their bodies would begin to break down. The religious explanation later used by Pancho Delgado at the press conference was actually first mentioned by one of the other survivors on that fateful day, Pedro Algorta.

I’m currently reading Algorta’s memoir, Into the Mountains. Early on in the book he too discusses that meeting of the survivors wherein they made the decision to eat the dead. He mentions the religious argument he had used. But he goes on to say that argument was merely an excuse and not the true reason he had supported cannibalizing the victims of the crash. He said that it was the emptiness of his stomach that had persuaded him. As he put it, “I was hungry and I wanted to live.”

When I read that line, my mind immediately went to the scene in AMC’s The Terror, where Lt. Hodgson spoke to Goodsir, telling him a story from his childhood about how he had once taken communion with his Catholic aunts, connecting it with the cannibalism Hodgson and Hickey’s mutineers had committed. He ended his speech with almost the exact same words used by Pedro Algorta, “I’m hungry and I want to live.”

I’m not sure if the Andes flight disaster influenced any aspect of this scene or not, but that sentiment shared by both the real-life Pedro Algorta and the fictionalized version of Lt. Hodgson is something vital to note when it comes to thinking about the cannibalism committed both by the Andes survivors and the Franklin Expedition.

Sure, it was around the tenth day in the Andes that they first cut into the body of someone they had once called a friend. But many of the survivors had already been thinking about eating the bodies for days. Nando Parrado, after waking up from a three-day coma to discover his mother had died in the crash and his sister was dying from severe internal injuries, was determined to walk out of the mountains to see his father again, even if it was the last thing he did. One day he was talking to fellow survivor Carlitos Páez about how they had run out of food. Nando told him he would not give in without a fight, and that if he had to, he would eat the pilot. Many others had similar thoughts, some keeping it to themselves while others discussed it among small groups of trusted friends. That conversation on the tenth day was merely a formality—they had already realized there was only one way to survive.

When it comes to the Franklin Expedition, we don’t know how that decision was made. When Fitzjames died, how long had the men around him been starving, their stomachs aching with hunger? Did the fading vestiges of the Royal Navy chain of command hold them back at all before they finally gave in to their bodies’ demands? Fitzjames was captain of the Erebus and third in command of the expedition. When Franklin died, he became second in command. There may very well have been an instance in which he became the leader of the expedition itself, depending on when Captain Crozier succumbed to the inevitable. Did his men see him as their captain still, or as merely a body, the man he was long gone and his flesh nothing more than something that could be used to prolong their own lives, same as how the Andes survivors saw the bodies of their dead friends?

As I mentioned before, the Andes survivors didn’t really have a firm authority figure. The pilot and co-pilot of the plane died in the crash, and none of them had really known those men, so they held no feelings of friendship or kind sentiment towards them. However, the rugby players did have a team captain, Marcelo Pérez del Castillo. Not everyone on board the flight was a rugby player—some were just friends or relatives of the players, others were only distantly connected and had just wanted a cheap ticket to visit Chile for a few days—but those who knew Marcelo respected him. Marcelo survived the crash but died in an avalanche that occurred sixteen days afterwards, killing eight of the survivors. The avalanche buried the plane, and the survivors were stuck inside for three days before they dug their way out. During those three days, they were cut off from the bodies of those who had died in the crash. With no other option, they were forced to feed on the eight who had died in the avalanche.

The survivors don’t like to specify which bodies they ate, out of respect for the families of those who died, but we know at least some of those who died in the avalanche were consumed. Marcelo may have been one of them. Even though he had once been the leader of the team and a friend of many of the survivors, his friends had no choice but to do what they needed to survive. And during that conversation on the tenth day, those who were still alive had vowed that their bodies could be used by the others for food if they passed away first. Marcelo had known what his body would be used for, and he had offered it up so that his friends could live.

Had Fitzjames done something similar? In AMC’s The Terror, there is a scene where he tells Crozier to give his body to the men, but that’s a fictional version of what happened. We don’t know what really happened to him, or to most of the Franklin Expedition. But it’s possible he did offer himself up, that he knew he could still be of some use even after his death. The Andes flight disaster shows us the extremes people will go to in order to survive—but also, it shows us the compassion and selflessness that can occur in those extreme situations as well. We think of cannibalism as a terrible act, but the Andes survivors also viewed it as an act of love on their parts, to have offered themselves to each other, willing to have their bodies be cut open and eaten to save their friends.

We think of what happened to Fitzjames as brutal, especially considering the cut marks on his face suggest a particularly sad desperation as the remaining men ate whatever last bits of flesh they could find. And since there were no survivors, there is no happy ending where the men came home, haunted but alive. Looking at other instances of survival cannibalism, however, what those men did is understandable. Cannibalism is seen as uncivilized—the first reports of cannibalism among the Franklin Expedition were dismissed as ludicrous and obscene by Victorian society—but in times of desperation, even the most civilized of men know that it is the only practical recourse. Fitzjames may or may not have known that his body would be used for food, but he probably would not have faulted his men for what they did. They were hungry and they wanted to live.

[justme315]

New family 1/?

! Warning !

swearing, angst, fear, step-family, g/t family, abuse, mention of abusive giants, gigantophobia, mention of the character being religious, sickness

------------------------------------------

I was fucked.

I'm sorry for using that kinda language but I really was. You see, my whole life has been destroyed by thoese damn giants.

Sorry, I don't think I introduced myself yet, I'm Zack.

Me and my mom were always a team. After my dad has passed away when i was 6 she was the only person important to me. It was basically us two against the whole world.

Something that might also be important for you to understand my story is the fact that we live in a world full of humans (like my and my mom) and giants. Giants are.. humanoid 60-ish feet tall creatures. Easily to say - their dangerous. The government rightfully understood the danger and the fear of us humans and created 'human-only' zones, cities, countries even. There were also a few 'giant-only' zones, but I'm not really sure why. It's not like the giants would fear us. Most of the places thoese enourmous beasts live are simply 'mixed-zones', places where both humans and giants can live. Thank God that me and my mom always lived in a 'human-only' zone. I was always skeptical and yeah, terrified of giants.

My mom was different though. Maybe she was just dumb (sorry for saying that mama) but she just couldn't sense danger. She worked in a company that required her to sometimes travel to 'mixed-zones' or 'mixed-cities'. I was always opposed to that but she.. enjoyed it. She even said that she made some giant "friends". I never believed in their honesty though.

But what changed my life once and for all, had happened when I was just 16. Well, going on 17 already, but yeah, still 16.

I never ever once questioned my mom's romantic life after my dad has passed away. She just.. never acted like she wanted to start a new relationship. And I was very okay with that.

But one unfortunate day, just after she came home from one of her business trips she told me that she has got a boyfriend.

That was weried to know, I mean c'mon, picturing your mom having a crush, dating, falling in love etc. is just.. weried and kinda disgusting if you ask me.

Of course, I questioned her and soon I reaveled her secret.

"Zack, I have been dating him for a little over a year. I was just scared of how you might react. But now, I must tell you since.. he proposed."

That felt like I was stabbed straight into the heart. How could she have kept having a boyfriend a secret from me for so long? Why would she? Being lied to by her felt horrible. I thought we were a team - we always told echother everything. But I guess I was wrong.

Really soon I found out that my mom's boyfriends (and now fiances) name is Andrew, that he was just slightly older than her and had two sons about my age, he was also a widower, and according to my mom, we had much in common.

I really couldn't understand why my mom would keep her boyfriend a secret. Untill she revealed she wanted for us to move in with him and his sons. I mean, she had a lot of planing to do, as she was soon to get married again, so that was kinda understandable. I wasn't opposed to moving into a new home, but changed my mind really quickly when my mom reaveled that our new home would be in a mixed-city. I mean, I was never even in that kind of a city, never even seen a giant in real life and was hella terrified of them! She should've understood me. Before she 'fell in love' she always has.

I asked her a milion times if Andrew and his sons can't just move in with us but she always found some excuse. Once, our house was too small, then his older son didn't want to switch universities, another time Andrew was scared of loosing the job. It was always a stupid excuse. Untill she finally reaveled the truth.

You see, Andrew, my mom's husband-to-be was a giant. And so were his sons.

To say that I was mad and scared was an understatement. I felt lied to. I felt like I was being dragged into something I didn't want to be a part of. I, understandably, questioned the honesty of my moms relationship, which angered her the most. I was angry with my mom for over two weeks after finding out about the size of my soon to be step-family and barely spoke with her. I couldn't be away from her for long though and forgave her, but in my heart I still had plenty of doubts.

My friends didn't help ease my fear. I told my best buddies at school and the stories they have told me only made me more afraid and suspicious of the said Andrew and all giants at that point.

"Don't y'all remember Joseph from middle school? He moved to a mixed-city with his parents. He was stepped on by a giant and died!"

"That's nothing compered to what happened to Amy. A quick death is better than being tortured. She is my cousin. She moved to a mixed-zone because she wanted to go to a better collage. One of her giant male classmates kidnaped her and done horrifying things to her. Once she was found she had missing limbs, many scars.. She was mentally, physically and sexually abused by him for months, untill they found the giant. And he barely got any jail time for that! She's still in mental health hospital!"

"My dads best friend Thomas was freaking eaten alive!"

Yeah, I think 3 stories is enough to give you the idea of how freaking terrified I was of the said 'step-family'. Some might say I am a specist (a person that discriminates based on the species (giant and human)) but I wouldn't agree. I don't really think that a human can be a specist becouse we are in the more vaunurable position. Also, I don't hate giants becouse of their size. I hate and fear them because of how brutal and cruel they are towards humans. Maybe a giantophobe would be a more appropriate term for me.

That day was the worst day in my entire life. And it's really hard to beat the day my dad had passed away.

We sold the house. We were at the airport. All ready to go to a mixed-city, over the wall that the government made.

Mom was all smiley and happy, her nose never leaving her phone.

"Andrew texted me that he and his boys are at their side of the barrier already, waiting for us. They can't wait to meet you!"

Right, didn't I mention that they all knew echother, but me?

"I just can't wait to show you the city and our new home!"

I was standing there quiet. No matter how many times I told my mom that i don't agree with her choice of dating a giant or for the fact that I didn't want to move away into a mixed-city she would always say that I will change my mind once I overcome my fear. Hell, I would.

I held my bag closely, trying to hold onto whatever I have not to lose my composure. I was terrified and angry, sure, but showing thoese giants from the start that they have some power over me, even though it was obvious, wasn't something I would do. At last, if I could hide my emotions.

Just a few minutes before our flight, a flight in the opposite direction landed. I saw all those humans, coming back from the mixed-city, most of them seem, okay. That made me confused and curious. Would it really be all that bad?

Untill I saw a girl, probably my age, on a wheelchair. I mean, there is nothing wrong with disabled people, don't get me wrong, but she was crying so she easily got everyone's attention. A woman run up to her.

"Mom!" The girl sobbed, opening her arms to hug her mother. The woman tried calming the girl down but she just kept crying and screaming "It was just supposed to be a student exchange program!! This scary giant crushed my legs!"

The girls voice echoed in my head. It was different to hear stories of distant people, but to see someone hurt by thoese monsters in front of my own eyes was completely different.

Even my mom lowered her phone and looked at the girl with pity in her eyes. I prayed to the Lord to open her eyes and return home safely with me.

"Poor girl" she signed "That must have been a.. horrible accident".

I couldn't believe what I was hearing.

"Accident?" I looked at my mom angrily, finally letting my emotions out "A giant crushed her legs".

"Honey, I'm sure they didn't mean to.." she looked at me, somewhat shocked at my defensiveness. I shouldn't have expected her to understand. She just simply couldn't sense danger. And that could get both of us killed.

"Her legs were crushed by a giant, mom!" I raised my voice, even so slightly as I couldn't believe how blinded she was by her feelings.

"Zack, calm yourself down" she looked at me more strictly now, as I was getting other peoples attention. I couldn't bare the thought of how stupid this all was. I just wanted to be home. Or anywhere at that point. Anywhere but in a spece where giants were allowed.

"You-" I began to speak.

"The flight 16-399Bhc** is preparing to take off. We ask all the passengers to board the plane within 5 minutes. Thank you and have a good flight" said a voice from the speaker.

"That's our flight!" My mom cheered up and grabbed my arm, pulling me as she ran to the plane.

She was so excited it made me feel like I was gonna puke.

Don't get me wrong, I always loved planes but this time I felt uneasy. My whole body was shaking ever so slightly, I felt like I was about to puke, I swear I heard my heart pumping blood, my head was spinning..

That can easily be called my worst ever flight.

After we landed I need a good 15 minutes in the bathroom to regain my composure.

"Honey, are you alright?" I heard my mom knocking "Are you sick?"

"I'm fine mama, I'll be okay" I mumbled, though I didn't feel like I was going to be okay for at last next few hours. I was also convinced my life was about to end so why bother worrying my mom. But before I cross the barrier of the airport, I didn't have to see or interact with any giants. Maybe me feeling sick was actually a gift from God to give me more time to get ready for what was about to come? As I was almost ready to go I hear my mom speaking:

"Honey, are you sure? I texted Andrew and he and Ethan are worried sick. They can drive us to a hospital"

And then I got sick again at the mention of the giants.

Oh, you might not know who is who. Andrew is my moms 45 year old husband-to-be, but I'm sure I have spoke about him already. Ethan is his older son, he was 21 back then. His younger son - Ryan - was 17.

After, what appeared to me as a minute and to my mom as an hour I finally could exit the bathroom.

My mom rushed me, saying that the boys have been waiting for us long enough. I was feeling less and less okay. I couldn't keep my emotionless demeanor. My eyes felt heavy, my heartbeat fasten as well as my breathing, my legs were shaky and I was not able to say even one word.

As I saw the enourmous glass wall behind which were a ton of giants, I felt like I was going to faint.

Or simply turn around and run.

My mom stopped in her trucks and looked at her phone. After maybe three seconds of reading what I supposed was a message form Andrew she looked into the direction of 3 giant men waiting and her eyes started to freaking sparkle and her smile grew.

She then looked at me and pointed in the direction of thoese giants, who weren't looking at us, thank God.

"That's Andrew! And Ethan and Ryan!" She said with an excited expression.

Andrew was surprisingly the shortest of the group. He had brown hair that were turning grey, a short beard, thick glasses, a blue sweater and more elegant pants. He was overall a handsome middle-aged dude, if it wasn't for the fact he was freaking enormous.

Ethan was talking with him. He had fluffy brown hair and was slightly taller than his dad. He had a few freckles and dimples on his cheeks, his smile was truthfully welcoming. His white hoodie also looked very comfy.

The tallest one was the youngest - Ryan. He had black, short hair, a pierced ear and stylist clothes. If he would have been a human, he looked like one of the popular kids that you always look up to. I really liked the belt he had, same with the rings on his fingers.

All three giants had the same eye color - hazel.

My mom grabbed me again and pulled me into the direction of the glass wall that was the last thing keeping me outside of the reach of giants. She looked so happy to see them that it was hard to recognize her. She only ever smiled at me like that before.

Soon enough, we were close to the exit of my comfort zone. My fear only grew as we were closer to the giants. It was still probably about 20 feet between us and the door when Andrews eyes rested on us. I felt the enourmous gaze and felt like I was stung. Soon both his sons eyes locked on me and my mom. She realized quickly and slowed down with the running. She then waved at them. Andrew and Ethan waved back. Ryan stood there, looking maybe a little conflicted but surely also kinda annoyed.

At that point I could feel the blood boiling in my veins. My heart ached. As well did my head. My legs were shaky. I felt like I couldn't catch my breath correctly.

If you think you're not socially awkward, three giants looking down at you with their enourmous eyes, almost scanning you as if you were an insect would change your mind right away. And if you are socially awkward like me? Well, you would feel as if you were just about to die.

My mom rushed me again, ready to exit the safe space, that only allowed humans. I walked behind her, but I wasn't as excited or as fast. Partly, becouse I wanted to be out of the giants reach for as long as I could and partly becouse I was feeling worse and worse.

To be honest, I don't know what was making me feel bad. Maybe it was all the emotion, fear, anger and all, maybe it was my mental health killing me and shouting at me that danger was close, maybe it was the horrible flight, maybe it was my body being sick. I don't know.

What I do know is, each step I took, the more powerless I felt. My legs felt to weak to hold my bodyweight.

My mom was already by the exit door when she turned around to rush me again. I was maybe 7 feet behind her, still surrounded by the enourmous gazes of those three giants, two of which were smiling. Their smiles made me sick in my stomache, but Ryan who was the only one not smiling made me feel ever worse somehow.

I totally expected my mom to yell at me to hurry up, based on how excited she seem but she just stared at me for a secound with wide worried eyes and then returned to me.

"Are you okay honey? You don't seem too good"

I wanted to answer her but it came out as a soft yelp. I thought I was going to puke again.

Faces of the giants became more serious and worried. I didn't like that expression either, to be honest.

I looked back at mom as she reached out to me and raised her hand to my shoulder for comfort probably.

"Are you scared Zack? Is that it? Because if it is, I assure you, they won't hurt us. Ever." She spoke in a soft, quiet voice. Her expression didn't show anger but she looked more understanding than any other moment of the past few weeks. She spoke with such confidence I could have believed her.

Well, I maybe even would have if I didn't faint.

Because just a moment after she spoke my vision went black and my body felt weak. The last think I remember before fainting were thoese scary gazes and my mom yelling:

"Zack!"

------------------------------

Thanks for reading, hope you enjoyed the 1st part!

[annwrites]

— homelander quotes ｡･:*:･ﾟ☆ ｡･:*: | read

❝Did mommy and daddy not teach their little girl respect?❞

❝I could always just make you get on your knees. To either suck me off or lick my boots. Maybe both.❞

❝Do you not like me? I’m a fucking hero! I am the face of this country. Yet you treat me like any other insignificant schmuck on the street. I deserve some goddamn respect!❞

❝Y’know what? That does seem like a good start at fixing things between the two of us. You can have the honor of making me dinner. Maybe we play house for the evening.❞

❝Well, it’s either that, or, once I’m done with my dinner, I carry you over to your bed and have my way with you. Whether you want to or not.❞

❝Oh, honey, I can do whatever the fuck I want.❞ (...) ❝And I think you’re going to like it.❞

❝I know you’re in there. I can hear your heart. So, you can either open the door, or I’ll just break a window and let myself in.❞

❝What? No home-cooked meal for your favorite superhero tonight? And after all that hard work I put into making a meal out of you just twenty-four hours ago.❞

❝You are going to be a good little girl and get to cooking. I’m not asking twice. I’ve been hard at work all day. It’s the least you can do for me after bothering to fly all the way here to keep you company.❞

❝I’m no A-Train, but that doesn’t mean I don’t still love a good chase, sweetheart.❞

❝They’re just the ones who sign my paychecks. See, they work for me. The whole fuckin’ world does. Including you, honey. I’m the real hero. My little tagline where I say otherwise? It’s bullshit. But the people eat it up. They swallow the garbage I feed them with a grateful smile.❞

❝Maybe I should gift you a Homelander pack of panties.❞ (...) ❝I could be with you all day long that way. Right between your legs.❞

❝I’m not going to rape you. If I wanted you on your back with your legs spread, you would be.❞

❝You’re mine,❞ he whispers. ❝You belong to me now. Do you understand?❞

❝You understand me,❞ he continues. ❝Like no one else has ever bothered to. We’re together now. Got it?❞

❝It wasn’t a question. I wasn’t asking. You’re mine.❞

❝If I find out you’re seeing anyone else, you won’t like what happens to him. So, I suggest staying loyal. Not that anyone else could ever compare to me, anyway. I mean, you should be happy about this—that you’re the young woman I’ve chosen for myself. It makes you special. Being mine, that is. A rich superhero. The supe.❞

❝The greatest man in all of America—the world—and I’m all yours.❞

❝We'll, I’d just fucking kill him. I’d kill any man that looked at, or touched you, y'know?❞

❝Because we belong together. I mean, you belong to me. You're my property.❞

❝That's my good girl. Besides, once I got done taking care of business, you'd have nowhere else to go.❞

❝I’d make sure that I’d be the only thing you had left to run to,❞ he says—his tone slightly threatening. ❝In all the fuckin' world.❞ (...) ❝Because I am your world.❞

[timetravellibrarian]

Zoro x reader

Summary: A man seeks to follow his dreams, following only the path his swords carve for him and wherever his crew goes. Little does he know that the missing piece in his life, his soulmate whom he doesn't admit that he tries to seek would end up in a love-hate relationship

_________________________________________

Chapter Five

You sat in your room, not moving, hair uncared for, body aching. It has been a while since your wedding, but it felt fresh in your heart like it was yesterday. Mother, father, Kyro, Amav. Ophelia and Rhen were yet to be found and you hoped that they left the island. You doubted they'd be left alive if they were. Lyra must have taken them seeing as she wasn't around either thankfully. All your family's loyal servants had been executed days after the wedding, the remaining were pledged to Cassius and his family.

You scratched your wrist, the mark stinging. Not too long ago pain unimaginable to anyone in the kingdom had seered through it, leaving you screaming in absolute pain. It was so bad that you were taken to the doctor.

Everyday you were forced to play the role of the dutiful wife to your murderous husband. Disregarding the vengeful hate inside, you stood up, did the necessary tasks for hygiene and wore a black dress to honour your family's deaths.

"Ah, my darling wife!" Cassius said as he sat on the throne, dismissing advisors. Your eyes scanned every one of them as they passed you, bowing their heads to not look you in the eye. Ser Randall, Lord Alexander, Maester Caius and Lady Genevieve. All of them.

Traitors.

You could guess that the kingdom didn't know of his heinous actions. Or maybe they did know, the executioners block has been used more times lately than in the past twenty years so you figured people wanted to keep their lives and not question the sudden trajedy.

"Your grace," You curtsied, wiping off the look of disgust you had given to the royal advisors.

"Lovely day isn't it? The second month that marks our marriage." He stood up, taking your hand and walking you outside the throne room into the open hallways of the castle. There was a brilliant view of the citadel from up there. The both of you leaned against the railing.

He looked at you, sparkling eyes like a lovesick puppy. "Have I ever told you how beautiful you look?"

"You always tell me that." You internally rolled your eyes, picking at you dress.

"Then I'll say it even more. You look beautiful."

The both of you looked at the view in front from the high balcony you had traveled to. Guards stood on both of your sides a distance away. You looked down, over the bannister. It would be an alarming drop, leaving no room for life. Your eyes went to Cassius who was enjoying the view , his arms crossed and a smile on his face.

Just on push, a strong one. Enough to end this nightmare. To save yourself from any more harm that would come to you.

"I bet our children will love this kingdom. Or maybe the other ones my family has ruled over. Did you know that our families have history?"

"No ,your grace." At the mention of children you nearly choked on your own disgust. It was a wonder how he hadn't bedded you already and you were grateful for that. Apparently their customs were different. They could be as cruel as they wanted to their subjects and enemies but never went to the level of sexual assault.

"Your grandfather had taken over our kingdom fify years ago. His men took all our women as wives. Our men were brutally murdered. The children were forced to become strangers in their own country, serving under his rule. Now here we are. I'm not as cruel as your grandfather. I've spoken with my advisors. I have been merciful."

"You call what you did merciful?" The anger within had flared up, forgetful of how calm you were supposed to act.

" It would have been worse, darling. I would have had every man and son slaughtered and give the women and girls over to cruel men. Maybe sell you to slavery or force you to work in my home country's pleasure houses."

Your eyes widened at the extent he was willing to go. Now the drop seemed more of an option for a willing princess. No, a willing queen. But you wanted to live long enough to kill the man who held your hand with deceptive love.

"You absolute psy–

–cho.

"Your majesty!" A soldier ran in, "There's protests taking place all over the citadel. Near the monuments." Cassius rolled his eyes, letting out a sigh.

"Just kill them and get over with it."

The soldier shook on the spot at Cassius' words."But mi'lord, they're you're people ."

Cassius raised an eyebrow,"And?"

Your eyes widened. "Those are lives, Cassius. people with families. Have mercy, please."

"They should have thought of their families before deciding to go against my rule." He grabbed a drink from the jugs placed near where the two of you stood." Infact, if you care so much you should go through the same thing they have to."

"What?" You furrowed your eyes in confusion, a hint of fear in your tone. He turned to you, the spark in his eyes dulled a tiny bit. There was a hint of something crazy in them there.

"Round up the protesters and have them whipped. Thirty lashes, or until they beg for death. I don't care., make it entertaining"

The soldier nodded , getting ready to walk away before being stopped by Cassius' hand. "After you're done with them, give the queen ten lashes. Since she loves her people so much."

Before you could respond, the guards who stood beside the both of you grabbed you roughly by the arms,dragging you somewhere you didn't know.

"NO! PLEASE, CASSIUS!"

Cassius waved at you as you were dragged away, taking a sip of his drink once more before throwing it over the balcony.

"I have a little surprise for you, my love!" He yelled in the distance

As you were lead down the halls towards the large doors of the place you once called home your ears heard the sound of screaming a bit far off. The castle wasn't too far from the markets and it was clear that they were either beimg caught like cattle there.

Another soldier appeared, placing a sack over your head.

_________________________________________

The Thousand Sunny sailed toward the next island on the logpose, a bright smile on Nami's face. "Looks like we're in luck, the kingdom of Rhysa. Known for its beautiful views, spas and lovely people."

"They're also known for the benevolent royal family that they have. Independent from pirate territories since they have a strong military." Robin added as she got ready to explore the island. A buzz of energy floated around the Strawhats. After having fought with the government, a few warlords and a few marine ships they needed a place to rest and recuperate.

"We could get alot of food too." Luffy said, mouth watering at the thought. His trademark hat atop his head.

Franky put on his sunglasses,"Some more cola for the ship too."

"All in all, we need to restock on a lot of things." Sanji got out of the kitchen, looking around for someone. His eyes went over his crewmates on deck; Robin, Nami, Luffy, Franky, Brook, Chopper and Ussop.

"Where's Mosshead?"

Everyone went quiet for a moment, looking to the side to find Zoro sitting cross-legged on the railing, looking at the distant island they were about to drop anchor at.

There was a small silence, filled with understanding at what might have their swordsman in such a mood.

"STOP BROODING, YOU IDIOT!" Sanji aimed to kick Zoro to get his attention. Zoro blocked Sanji's kick with one of his swords , not moving an inch from his spot.

"Something doesn't feel right."

_________________________________________

@urbisexualfriend

@bi-narystars

@mythicallystupid

@mars-mizuko

@chillerkiller

[syrma-sensei]

Somewhere In Your Heart, Ch.5: A Man's Property.

Pairing: Soldier Boy x Fem!reader.

Rating: Explicit.

Setting: In the early 80s.

Warnings/Tags: Angst, prostitution, misogyny, power imbalance...

Word Count: 2.3k

Summary: Soldier boy lives through the ennui of his peak, but everything is about to change when he has a shift in his heart.

When you return to what you call home, you don't expect to get hugged and patted on the back. You don't need either. You just want to be alone and cry in your bed in the seclusion your room provided, wherein you let yourself drown in self pity and bitter heartache. To be in utter bemusement is an understatement; you're still processing the fact that the reason for the shitty life you live is him, and he doesn't fucking regret it. He takes pride in it. You know that much. Sure, he stopped the villains, and saved the country from what they might have inflicted on people, but he seemed to forget what he inflicted upon you and the victims of that incident. He fucking called your brother an obstacle, as if he were a speck of dust.

Your brother was on him. His blood is on Ben's hands, not the culprits'.

You feel bitter bile rolling up your throat. You choke both on it and your tears. Your sniffles are weak and pathetic. Your heart wrings with guilt and self-hatred, for you could still feel him inside of you, for you could feel the sweetness of his touch on you, for you could feel your heart ache for and because of him.

You pull your hair and let out a strangled wail. He fucked you, he claimed you; body, heart, and soul. Your heart is torn between beating for him and being beat because of him.

In one moment he is everything, and in another he's nothing. You love him, you hate him. You want him, you loathe him. Your body ripples with love, hate, sweetness, and bitterness.

You want him in ways you never wanted someone before, your heart raves on for him.

“I won't let anyone take you from me. You have my word for that.”

But his deeds did. He fucking broke his promise before he even made it.

Lies. Lies. Lies.

They're all liars.

They said the criminals killed your brother and set the building on fire. But it was Soldier Boy's order. Jack promised to make you a star, instead he turned you into his bitch. Ben promised to make you his, thus far, you're not sure you don't want him to be lying in the matter, you don't want to be his anymore.

You utter expletives in a hissing voice.

You were an idiot.

You opened your heart for the wrong man. You should've known better than that. Jack warned you about this before, about meddling business with please, about thawing within the inkling of the heart and brains.

You feel a heavy weight encumbering your chest as your heart warps in bitterness.

In your throes of dismay, you curse yourself and your heart for falling for him. You should've never flirted with him at Sonia Vogelbaumm’s wedding. You shouldn't have agreed to sing along with him. You shouldn't have been claimed by him. You shouldn't have heard what you heard. You shouldn't have dug after it and found out the truth; the one who owns your heart is the cause of your misery.

It's been two days since you left Herogasm without a word. You expected he'd come after you and conciliate you, or so you hoped. You assumed you'd get fired from Vought, or so you wished. You don't want to see him again, because you know… you know your heart will betray you and seek the one it throbs for.

Ben ruined you, and for good. It dithers you that you still want him in the deepest of your depth.

You flinch when you feel a hand perch on your shoulder, “Wake up, (Y/N)...” You hear glee in Jack's voice. You groan, stirring in the sheets, then you sit up with an ache both in your head and heart.

You haven't seen him in days, and to say you're not keen on seeing him now, is an understatement. You're in a mess. He won't like it; you just ruined his business with Vought. You're sure he'll wail on you for that.

However, and for some reason, you don't like the bizarre grin on his face as he sits next to you, the remote control of your small T.V. is in his hand. He turns it on and your eyes dilate as you listen to your own voice emanating from it.

Your heart plummets to your toes. Vought dropped the cover song and it's now on every channel. That means one thing…

“The Legend just called…” Jack interrupts your trail of thought.

“What’d he say?” You rub the dried tears from your eyes. Your heart paces up. “He said your collaboration with Soldier Boy has been called off for bad reviews.” You wished he would tell you that. But instead.

“They want you as Soldier Boy's new love interest.”

You gulp hard.

You're doomed.

When you bailed on him at Herogasm two nights ago, he left no stone unturned looking for you. One moment you were dozing off in the bed you two shared, the other one you weren't. You were just gone. It drove him crazy. The fact you disappeared after the promise he made you. How dare you, he simmered with fury; he took his frustration on the guy next to him. The scapegoat was Tommy. He wailed on the kid until Tessa begged for her twin brother's life.

When the word that you went home reached his ears, he received it in a cold bitterness. His face didn't mirror the way his heart was raging and huddling in the mess in his chest. That bitch. He thought with revulsion. You played him like a fucking stupid puppet. And here he thought he shared something real with. He scoffed. You're a complete hypocrite, a tremendous actress (just like himself) and a whore.

He feels like a jackass for being played like that. A fucking pussy. That's what he was; he let his emotions take control for one second and it brought him no good, it only dumped a mess on both his head and his heart.

She's gonna pay. He promised himself. No bitch can do him dirty and get away with it. He's going to turn your life into a living hell.

Now, with a smirk adorning his lips, he watches you and himself on the T.V. singing Just The Two Of Us. He grins at the applause you two earned. Everyone's questioning whether you two are together or not. The chemistry you two share is hypnotic. Every famous channel is raging with his and your pictures, wondering if there's a chance that he left Countess for you. His fans are keen on knowing it, obsessing over his scoop comment.

“Gotta say, she does look pretty at your side.” Legend comments from behind him, “I underestimated her.”

Ben chuckles, “She is a firecracker that one,” And she sets flames in my heart.

“People are gonna love you two together.” Legend drops another remark, “I talked to her manager…” Ben's molars grit, “He’s more than open to the idea…”

“Good.” Ben replies curtly.

That manager needs to be off the picture, and soon. He'll see to it.

Of course, he will omit Jack out of the way. When he's subtly removed, you'll have nowhere to turn to but him. You'll have nobody but him.

“A non-supe lass is the new sweetheart of Soldier Boy. I tell ya, it'll be all the rage in no time.”

“Oh, that I know.” Ben grins, taking a gulp from his drink, befor he adds, “Speaking of which, that fuckface should be out of the way.”

“It’s not gonna be easy,” Legend sighs, “The leash he has on her is too—Ugh!”

With the dexterity and swiftness of a tiger, Ben curls a stiff hand around Legend’s neck. “She’s no longer his bitch. She's mine.” Ben seethes, “And you'll see to it or I'll take it into my own hands and do it myself.”

Legend's eyes flutter as he chokes, “Y-Yes…”

“Good…” Ben unclasps his grip from the man's neck. Legend collapses on his knees, breathing heavily.

Legend considers the option and he opts to carry on Soldier Boy's wishes, because it's always easier to fire a man than covering up for his death.

Your pleas and begging go on deaf ears.

Jack practically has to drag you to Vought's tower to offer you on a golden plate for them and him.

“Please… I'll do anything you want,” You try to reason with him, “Just don't let him have me.”

“I’m sorry, doll, but your price has already been paid.” Jack snarls. Clearly, you're playing with fire, “Now, be a good slut and do as you're told, like you always do.”

As you two make it to the main gates of the tower, you dig your heels into the marble. “Please, you don't understand—!”

His hand is quick to smack tingles in your cheek. People passing by, leering at your scene, some of them exchange looks and most of them just… ignore you.

“You will listen to me, you ungrateful bitch!” Jack growls, “I gave you everything when you had nothing. I absolve you from being a cheap hooker who solicits on the streets. You owe me!” He grumbles, nostrils flaring, “You’ll be my bitch until you repay me my troubles, you hear me?!” He clutches your hair and pulls you down, making you wince.

“Security!” A woman's calls.

And in a minute, two guards wrap their arms around Jack's shoulders and unlatch him from you.

You're in a quivering mess on the floor whereas Jack tries to tug himself off of the guards as they lead him out of the building.

“There’s been a mistake,” He chuckles nervously, “I’m Ms. (Y/N)’s manager. I'm The Legend's friend.”

Just like your words hold no value to him, his don't to them.

You watch Jack kicking his feet and screaming as they throw him out of the gates. Through your tears, you allow yourself your lips to crack a small smile of victory. You allow yourself to let the wound Jack has been leaching on for years to breathe.

Just before it's muffled by Soldier Boy in the next second.

You grimace a tad as the liquid you're swallowing burns your throat, eyes occasionally flitting up and down at him. He hasn't uttered a word since you've been brought to him, which you can't interpret as a good or bad thing. He just stares at you with blank eyes, as if waiting for you to start. But you don't.

“Why?” He says, voice a bit bitter.

“Why what?” You hoarse.

“You know what.” He grumbles.

Of course you know why. Why did you dump me in a fucking orgy? He wants to say, but doesn't. He just fucking stares and it agonizes you. Your eyes brim with tears but you choke on them, locking them in. You don't want him to see you crying. You don't want to be weak facing him. You did once, and look what that got you.

“I don't know what you're talking about.” There's a venomous hint at your tone, but soon enough, the tough façade cracks when he pounces forwards in your direction. His hands clasp on your forearms, fingers wringing your tender flesh.

“Don’t give that shit, woman!” He barks, anger searing in his green eyes like Greek fire, “Why did you bounce on me that night? I demand to know.”

“You don't get to demand anything from me, Benjamin,” You seeth, “That night was a mistake.”

Ben's face falters a bit. A mistake? The promises you two made were just sleazy words that meant nothing? He doesn't believe that. He won't. He can't.

His hands squeeze deeper into your skin and you moan in pain.

“So you want to be that ass fuck’s whore your entire life?”

That's when you deliver a hard slap against his cheek. You instantly regret it; your wrist almost snaps in two from the smack. What's this man made of? Steel?!

You hold your hand closer to your chest, the pain pounding in your joint. But another pain ripples through you as he pulls at your hair backwards, exposing your neck.

“You will learn to show some respect, or I'll snap you pretty neck, understand?”

Tears roll down your cheeks. He's just like Jack. It's the same shit, but a different man. You escaped from hell to another inferno. As an attempt to win his mercy, you give him a nod and a pained moan.

“Please…” You whimper.

“Please, what?”

“Please, sir.”

“Good girl.” He lets you go.

You gasp when you're free of his grasp, shivering at the way he's ogling you.

“Now, I'll ask you again,” He enunciates, “Why did you leave Herogasm that night?”

Because you're my brother's murderer, you piece of shit. You want to say, but instead you answer, “I was overwhelmed; it's not regular for one to witness a supe orgy everyday.”

He smacks his lips, not satisfied with your answer, “You think I'm stupid, dollface?” He quirks a brow, and suddenly comes upon you how handsome he is. Whoever suggested covering his face with a helmet was an idiot.

“No!”

“Then, tell me!” He seethes and you cower backwards which makes him stop. He won't have looking at him the way you look at that fuck. He sneers at himself. Great. His resolve to make your life a living hell is decaying by every second. The tears in your eyes are like acid on his heart.

Ben sighs in defeat, then asks you, more softly this time, “Did anyone mistreat you that you left?”

You shake your head.

Lying. Again.

Ben lets out another sigh.

“Anywho,” His voice regains its stoic rasp, “You’re no longer his,” He speaks, “You’re not Vought’s either.”

He sees something that akin to hope flicker in your eyes, “You’re my property now.”

That gleam is gone.

🦅 Previous Chapter: Unmasked.

🦅 Next Chapter: Coming soon.

🦅 Somewhere In Your Heart Masterlist.

🦅 Soldier Boy Masterlist.

Taglist: @thebiggerbear, @zepskies, @deanbrainrotwritings, @deansbbyx, @deans-spinster-witch

@venus-haze, @kaleldobrev, @k-slla, @ketchupjasmin, @demodemo909

@mystic-mara, @jqtaro, @pepsicolacoochie, @bitchykittenconnoisseur, @prurose

@leavli, @robertthehoover, @soldiergrimes, @vanessa-boo, @uddiifiigj...

[t3a-tan]

Pursuit of Gnosis (1/?)

No, not that one Scaramouche-

Here's what I wrote for Ryker's birthday! I will probably write a second part, possibly more, we'll see. G/t interactions appear pretty late into this, but I hope you enjoy ^^ Let me know what you think!

---

“Órale, my Zorrito is all grown up! Come here mi vida, I need a kiss before you go…”

Ryker held back a groan as his mother pulled his face down to her level and began to pepper him with affection.

“Mama, I'm not a child anymore—” He protested, though he couldn't help that a chuckle escaped his lips. Even now, when he was standing at the precipice of discovery, going out into the world to take his research even further, she still insisted on treating him like he was a baby.

Once he was allowed his face back he cleared his throat to get rid of the embarrassment that was starting to heat his cheeks, instead throwing on his jacket and picking up his bag. Most of his belongings were already packed and being sent to his new home beyond the walls of Nirgend.

“Will you be okay out there on your own without your mama, eh?” She asked warmly as she fussed with the buttons on his jacket, doing it up and flattening any wrinkles down. Ryker smiled reassuringly when she looked up and met his gaze.

“Of course, mama. I'll be fine, and I will come back to visit. A palabra.” He promised.

“Ah! Vaya, mi vida… I just remembered, I found your old journals in a box under your bed. I know the carriage ride will be long, so I thought you might like to take them with you— to flick through. They're just collecting dust here after all.” She turned and picked up another bag with some difficulty, and Ryker was quick to bend down and take it from her.

“Careful with your back…” He scolded lightly, before glancing down at the bag of books he was now carrying. I have to admit, it would be interesting to read through… I probably have some old theories in here too. He looked at his mother again and leaned down, kissing her on either cheek. “Thank you, mama.”

He waved to her as the carriage left; his bags now settled beside him rather than weighing him down. He blew a kiss, smiling as she caught it and placed that hand on her cheek, blowing her own kiss back. He mimicked the gesture and waved again before sitting back on the carriage bench with a sigh.

His gaze was drawn to the bag of journals again. She's right…it will be a long while before reaching my destination. I may as well start now. Reaching down into the bag, he felt around for a few moments, searching for the first one. Just how many are in here?

Keeping journals was something he started when he was young, and now he made sure to write something down every day that he could. His more recent journals had already been moved over to his new home, and it hadn't even occurred to him to bring his older ones as he didn't even know where they were.

Until now.

He pulled out a scrappy looking journal that had some scribbles on the front. Ryker chuckled to himself, recalling the moment that Ines found his journal and drew pictures all over the cover. He had been mortified when he found that out, making sure to hide his journals much better from them on to prevent anyone else from reading it, despite her assuring him that she hadn't looked inside.

Turning to the first page, Ryker started to read.

.

.

.

- - -

Journal 1, Entry 001.

- - -

Hello! My name is Zorro.

I turned thirteen years old today, and my mama gave me this journal as a gift! I got some other cool presents too, like the pencil I'm writing with and a cupcake for later.

She said this journal was made by people on the outside. One day, I would like to go outside the walls and see the big cities. I heard they're as big as a whole country!

I'm gonna be a famous scientist someday, and then the Sovereign will have to let us all out. Mama can have a nice house in a forest like she's always wanted, and I'll get myself a pet gryphon and fly wherever I want.

- - -

Journal 1, Entry 062.

- - -

I read in the paper that Queen Seraphina will be ascending today. Mama is excited, but I can't help but notice that the next in line is very young to assume such responsibilities.

Seraphina has been Queen since even before my mama was born. Opa said that he was twelve when she took the crown.

I know she isn't our queen, Anderna do not have our own ruler because we live under the Sovereign of Gahenn, but I know she is nice. When mama was little, Seraphina greeted our kind from outside the gates. Mama said she even waved at her.

I wonder what it would be like to fly like the angels do. I know that shifting is against the Sovereign’s law, but sometimes I wish I could just to see what it would be like.

We have a new neighbour on the floor above us. Mama said there's a girl my age, and she invited the new family over for dinner. I hope we can be friends.

- - -

Journal 7, Entry 011.

- - -

I managed to finish with the top grades in my classes when it comes to sciences, literature, and mathematics. I've already started searching for further education so I can focus on magic research. Ines has been helping me apply for things.

She is going to be an artist. Although I am not usually one for the arts, I have to admit that her paintings are very beautiful. Though, I prefer she doesn't paint near my work, due to the many times she has ended up spilling paint on the papers.

Although I feel a bit anxious about moving out, I know I cannot stay living with mama forever, as much as she claims she wouldn't mind. I will make sure to visit— not that it's difficult in this city.

- - -

.

.

.

“Dr. Ryker?”

“Hm?” He hummed, not even looking up from the entry he was reading when he heard his name being spoken. It has been hours since the carriage had first set off, but Ryker had hardly noticed; too focused on reading.

“Do you need help with getting your bags on the boat, sir?”

Now that got his attention. He realised that the carriage was now stationary…and that his stomach was beginning to complain from a lack of food.

“Ah. No, that's alright. Just a moment…” He held out a hand placatingly before starting to put the journals he had read through back into the bag. Once everything was secure he picked his luggage up, bending down to get through the door and step out of the carriage.

At this point the sight of the carriage driver's nervous expression no longer fazed him; he knew that the rest of Gahenn was still prejudiced towards Anderna, and he was just appreciative that they weren't being combative. Many people had already taken issue with an Anderna moving into their country.

He had stopped listening to the news for that reason, growing tired of how often they liked to complain about his kind as if they were a plague spreading throughout the land rather than him being a scientist seeking to better the lives of everyone. It was the new hot topic that everyone seemed to have an opinion about.

“Thank you for the ride.” Ryker nodded his head towards the driver in appreciation, receiving a hesitant nod in response. He watched silently as the carriage headed off, turning and going back in the direction it had come from. Once he could no longer hear the hooves trotting against the dirt road he turned, walking to the dock and boarding the boat.

It would still be another day or two before he would reach his destination, so upon reaching his room and having himself a meal, he started to read through his journal entries again.

.

.

.

- - -

Journal 12, Entry 201.

- - -

It's so refreshing to work alongside people as passionate as I am about the potential sciences behind magic. Some more so than others, but regardless I enjoy it greatly.

Although we have made no discoveries that would change the way our world views magic entirely, I feel that we are close. I cannot sleep some nights because I just want to write hypothesis after hypothesis, and then I become too excited over actually testing these hypotheses to rest. Ines always scolds me for it.

Souls are still something that we don't fully grasp. They are difficult to observe and any papers made on them offer very little or very inconclusive data on how souls work. Souls are linked to magic but how exactly they are linked and why some races can perform certain kinds of magic whilst others can't is still a mystery.

I think too many people are looking at it through a theological perspective, thinking about why the gods gave certain races souls with high magic capabilities, and others ones with low capabilities. I personally believe that a biological approach would be best, as much as my peers disagree.

Because of the fact that Anderna cannot travel outside of Nirgend, our access to research is limited. Although this is a frustrating setback, I know that the Sovereign's law cannot be changed without some convincing. Once I make a breakthrough and show the world outside that Anderna are not to be feared, I hope that everyone will be able to go wherever they please.

Tonight I'll be going out for drinks with my coworkers, and no doubt I'll be looking after them all since it seems none of them have gotten past their university phase when it comes to pacing themselves. It will be fun anyway since Ines agreed to come along. At least I won't be mostly sober alone.

- - -

Journal 17, Entry 046.

- - -

I've made a breakthrough.

We have been looking at things all wrong— magic isn't something that is created; it is ever-present, like oxygen in the air. Souls are just the conduit for activating the magic that's already around us— and genetics play a key role in determining what the output is.

I need to observe this phenomenon further before taking it anywhere. Once I have a more solid hypothesis I will bring it to the others’ attention. Magic researchers tend more towards theology than biology and I don't want my own discoveries to be muddied by this factor.

Perhaps a new department may even be created? A new field of research entirely? I could be at the forefront of history, leading not just the Anderna but all of Gahenn to a new realm of scientific understanding!

A great woman once said that, “Scientific discovery is not the unveiling of truth, but the relentless pursuit of understanding—each answer leading to new, uncharted questions.” - Syl Sheridan.

I can only dream of the paths and questions that will follow.

Ines is just as excited as me about it. I really love her. Maybe one of these days I ought to tell her as much.

I've heard some things on the radio that there are tensions between the Sovereign and Queen Mary. Ines seems to be getting a lot about it, but I don't know much. Politics were never an interest of mine, but I theorise that it's not much to worry about. The news is likely blowing things way out of proportion for shock value.

- - -

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Finishing the last entry, Ryker let out a sigh of relief. It had taken much longer than he thought it would; his entries later on had become much longer winded and in depth, but it still felt nice to get back into the headspace of a younger him. Now he was thirty-two, and had much more responsibility on his shoulders.

His research and findings on magic had gained him great fame and reputation all over Gahenn, and he had even heard rumours that Syris was taking an interest in his research too. When he was a young boy with ambitions to be a famous scientist, there was a time in his life that he felt it was just a pipe dream…

And yet, now he was outside of the walls, exploring the world and taking on new ventures with the same ambition he had all those years ago. Sure, Anderna were still not allowed outside of Nirgend, with him being the only exception, but he hoped that would change with time. If he lived well and did good, people would understand that his kind were not to be feared.

He arrived at his new home; a large house that was in the middle of nowhere. It was an hour journey to get from his house to the city by carriage, but he didn't mind. Most of his research involved field work, and once he developed a hypothesis and gathered material that was when he actually needed a lab.

It took only a few days to unpack everything; mostly books. The furniture had already been set up beforehand by the same people who brought the rest of the boxes. As soon as he was finished unpacking he hastily grabbed a bag, a notebook and pencil, as well as some equipment to collect samples and readings, before heading out of his front door.

He requested to be placed in this particular area for one main reason; Gortoa. It was a mere twenty minute walk away from his doors, and that fact made him giddy with excitement. He had always wanted to do a more in depth analysis on the magical phenomena within the ancient forest, so having it so close was convenient.

Ryker could hardly contain his excitement, keeping his pace at a slight jog just to get there faster. The main thing he was hoping to find were wisps; he had many theories about what they were, and if he was right then it may be the most accurate way to study souls because they could be observed more easily.

He entered the forest, marvelling at the sight surrounding him.

The ancient forest was flourishing and bursting with life. The grass was soft, wildflowers and clovers dotted all across the forest floor, as trees as tall as tens of metres tall towered overhead. The canopy of golden leaves was so thick that it allowed almost no sunlight through— and yet the forest was illuminated by glowing moss hanging onto the trunks of the trees.

The gentle sound of a babbling brook could be heard in the distance, alongside the singing and chirping of birds flying high above his head. It was truly breathtaking. Now I understand why Ines wants to paint here so badly.

The sight of a faint blue glowing flower in the distance caught his attention and he hurried over to the water, eyes widening. Is that…?

Kneeling down beside the gorgeous iridescent flower, he reached down and let his fingers brush against the delicate petals, feeling the magic contained within.

“A mage lily… this is incredible.” They were rare flowers that were sought after not only for their beauty, but also for the astonishing amount of energy stored inside. If I bring it with me I will be able to use the magic stored inside to test ways to artificially activate it!

His clawed fingers delicately grasped the stem as he prepared to pick the lily, only for a shout from below to stop him in his tracks.

“Stop!”

He jolted back, eyes snapping open in shock as he heard the flower seemingly protest his actions.

“Oh my gods. Did the mage lily just speak..?” He gasped in surprise, leaning down and peeing at the flower more closely with growing interest. If the lily was sentient, did that mean magic could bring things to life? Could plants really have souls? How was it capable of speaking anyway??

His breath hitched as he saw a tiny figure step out from under the petals of the lily, with pale almost blueish skin and petals rather than hair. She looked kind of like a mage lily, if it grew legs and came to life. Ryker's mouth was agape as he stared down at the little person, his fingers twitching with the desire to pick them up.

What are they? A pixie? No…pixies haven't been seen for centuries now. And this…thing, doesn't have wings. His mind raced with question after question, a desire to know more filling him and making it almost impossible to think clearly. Just as he was resolving himself to pick up the tiny figure, she spoke again.

“Hello…” Her voice was smooth and serene, like the water surrounding the lily pad she was stood upon. Her weight seemed practically non-existent, or at the very least not enough for the lily pad to register it. Despite Ryker's temptation to grab her he refrained as he met her teal gaze, recognising her personhood. There was a soul in that gaze.

“What are you?” He blurted out the question before really registering her greeting, eyes shining with intrigue as he let his hands rest against the grass again instead of hovering so menacingly close to the tiny being. If he kept them like that he was sure he would have given into temptation sooner or later.

“U-um…” She edged a little closer to the water before looking up at him again and responding. “My name is Suiren.”

Ryker frowned slightly.

“I am Zorro. Although most call me by my last name, Ryker.” He introduced himself, placing a hand against his chest sincerely before humming. “But that didn't answer my question. I asked what you are, not who.”

There was a beat of silence between them, with him waiting intently for an answer and Suiren hesitant to give one. She sat down on the edge of the lily pad, letting her legs hang in the water. He watched with great interest as the legs that went into the water seemed to become part of it, completely invisible.

“Don't pick the mage lilies… the magic inside them just ends up spilling out and it can disrupt the balance of magic in this part of the forest.” She explained, still avoiding the question, and now avoiding his gaze too.

“...I see. Well I won't pick it then.” Ryker assured, as much as it disappointed him. He didn't want to be too hasty and end up ruining his research in the process. He could find another magic source so long as he was patient.

Wait a minute…

“Ah— wait. How would you know that it disrupts the balance of magic? And what exactly do you mean by that?” He was no longer interested in the flower at all, more fascinated over the tiny being who seemed to have a deeper knowledge of magic. It was doubtful that she was a scientist like himself, so he needed to know why.

As he leaned down closer, his face now hovering right above the tiny figure he bristled when she suddenly fell into the water.

“Wait!” He attempted to make a grab at the tiny flower person, not wanting them to get away before he could get his questions answered, but his hands grasped nothing but water. How did..?

Ryker's lips pursed together in disappointment, brows furrowing as he watched the ripples from his hands eventually steady once more. Just like her legs before, it seemed her whole body could become invisible in the water…or maybe she became the water? Whatever it was, he desperately wanted to know more.

I don't think she'll come back…not at the moment at least. I'll see if I can find any information about what she might be later, but for now I should continue to look for wisps.

He sighed and stood up, looking down at his warped reflection in the water and straightening his jacket once he realised the collar had popped up. He took out his notebook and scribbled down as many notes about the tiny being's appearance as he could before snapping the book closed again and shoving it into his bag. Stepping away from the water's edge, he resumed his search.

He didn't notice the teal eyes peeking out of the water and watching him leave.

[redbreastedbird]

Hey Robin! A handful of MMU fans are trying to timeline the series and we have a question for you!

Are Nuala, May, and Eric all in the same 'school year', so to speak? We thought that Nuala is in the 'right' school year while May is in the year above the one she ought be in, because of the enrollment shenanigans the war causes, but we can't quite figure it out!

Could you give us a hand?

Thank you, some very confused MMU fans <3

Yes okay, this is also something that breaks my brain when I think about it too much. I did it, and I remember doing it, and yet. And yet!! I often ask myself what I was playing at.

So the trouble starts way back in the short story May Wong and the Deadly Flat, set in September 1939. In that, May is 9 years old. (Her birthday is May 4th, 1930). For the end of the story to work to set up the Ministry series, May has to stay in the UK, because otherwise she’d probably have gone home to HK and then have been shipped off to Australia in 1940/41 like other wealthier kids of Hong Kong Chinese families worried about Japanese invasion.

Now we all know that for her to stay in the UK she needs to go to Deepdean, and Deepdean takes kids from 10/11. Ideally you’d be 11 when you start first form, then 12 when you start second form, and so on. Hazel and Daisy are 13 and in third form when MMU starts. BUT I worked out a loophole about this, and this is the very real fact that British country boarding school years got skewy when WW2 broke out. They suddenly got very over-subscribed because wealthy parents were desperate to bundle their kids off to get them out of the way of bombs, and sometimes the too-young siblings of pupils were sent too. So I had at least some historical evidence that May could have been jammed into a sort of baby form, and I decided to run with that.

I figured that she would spend one year in baby form in 1939/1940, and then they’d shove her up into first form in the 1940/1941 school year. She would still be younger than most of the other girls (which is part of why she hates it and is struggling - she’s a little younger than they are AS WELL as being extremely ADHD).

Now, Nuala comes into Deepdean in the spring term of 1941. She is of course a year and a half older than May - she’s 12 when MUA begins in 1940, and her birthday is 15th September, so she really should be the oldest kid in second form. However I decided that, since she hasn’t been in formal schooling pretty much ever (she got taught by various Company members and then her granny) she’d probably be a bit behind on the curriculum. So I moved her down into first form, to be with May, and to be massively the oldest kid in the form.

The final piece in the puzzle (I really went wild with this one) is that you’ll notice that I mention Lottie, Eric’s sister, being in the same form as Rose. This is because I thought they’d have a nice time hanging out and being friends, so I decided that Lottie is super smart and would skip a form - plus, again, over-subscribed boarding school in war time might mean that Rose’s form would be the only space for her.

Anyway. That’s it. That’s the story. It’s possible I put too much thought into all of this.

[keepmycandleburning]

It's my 25th birthday today... so I'm thinking about Voldemort.

December 31st birthday makes him a Capricorn sun. Capricorns are said to be fundamentally ambitious and hardworking, and natural leaders who are responsible, pragmatic, and independent, and can be perfectionists.

Dec 31, 1926 means the moon was either in Scorpio (4:50pm or earlier) or Sagittarius (4:51pm or after). The moon sign refers to the inner emotional self. Scorpio is associated with intense passion, devotion, and loyalty to one's work and loved ones, though can also be overly private, and aggressive at times. Sagittarius is associated with being fundamentally independent and freedom-seeking, sometimes overly so, and loves adventure and exploration. As the moon sign, think of these traits applying to or relating to the emotions and inner world.

Mrs. Cole says it was already night was Merope arrived to the orphanage and then it was around an hour or less (I read this to likely mean a little under an hour) before Voldemort was born:

The sunset was 3:57pm that day in London, and it would take longer than that for it to be fully dark. If Mrs. Cole considered it night as soon as the sun set and Voldemort was born in a little under an hour, technically this could have been before 4:51. However, I think 'night' is reasonably after at least like 5pm even if it's winter and dark out. Therefore, Voldemort was very likely a Sagittarius moon.

There are several possible rising signs: Cancer (until about 5:45pm), Leo (about 5:45-8:30), Virgo (8:30-11:20), and Libra (11:20-midnight). I'm just assuming he was born before midnight because it wasn't specified that he wasn't and everyone believes he was born on NYE so no reason to do otherwise.

Capricorn sun & Sagittarius moon still leave a huge gap in his personality, which is his romantic side, such as his tendency for nostalgia and sentimentality in thoughts and objects, and even more relevantly, the charm he shows so often and so strongly early in life. This fits a Libra rising really well. Rising sign refers to the self that gets presented to others, and Voldemort as a Libra rising presents himself as likable, charming, and attractive, and seems diplomatic and persuasive. I don't think any other ascendant explains his sentimental nature, which is such a big part of who he is.

Born at 11:30pm gives us:

Voldemort's sun and Venus are in the Fourth House (at the bottom, to the right), which means that his fundamental self and his love/romance are both based in home, family, roots, heritage, etc.

The houses are dependent on the birth time, so that's another reason I like a birth time around 11:30, because I think Fourth House fits Voldemort so perfectly. Voldemort talks about his family constantly (to Harry in both CoS and GoF), is obsessed with his heritage while at Hogwarts, and identifies strongly with his Slytherin roots for his whole life (he even brings it up at the Battle of Hogwarts).

He's often seen in domestic settings (at 'home') like with Wormtail in GoF and at Malfoy Manor in DH, and in the orphanage with Dumbledore. He gets moved from home to home, often against his will: he's forced to be at the orphanage, he's forced by Dippet to go back to the orphanage when he'd rather stay at Hogwarts, he has to flee the country and/or go into hiding after killing Hepzibah Smith, he has to hide alone in a forest for 13 years, Frank Bryce makes it difficult to stay at the Riddle House, I think he's at Barty Crouch Sr.'s for some amount of time in GoF, the Malfoys don't want him at Malfoy Manor... I see Voldemort, even if he won't admit it, as having a lifelong desire for 'home,' but probably struggling with that substantially.