#this doesn't even get into how morning crew is changing as more people join that time slot

[chayannesegg]

something else about fit and tubbo’s relationship: it’s very special to me and they do love each other very much, but i do think this current tension was almost bound to happen not matter what. even without the tubbo homophobia. yes, tubbo self-sabotaged and made the situation current happen. yes, fit is valid to be upset at tubbo. but the unequal footing tubbo was reacting to is VERY real and something they BOTH built and something I think ONLY tubbo is fully aware of. 

while i don’t think fit and tubbo’s relationship is paternal at all, i do think it is heavily informed by the age difference. when they meet, tubbo is young, inexperienced, and reminds fit of his son. in contrast, fit is a stable older presence who knows the island secrets. their early dynamic is a bit like a mentorship: fit checks in on tubbo, tubbo asks about the island, fit decides what to tell tubbo, tubbo sees how someone with experience handles the island. 

losing the eggs only strengthens this pattern. tubbo is a mess and relies a lot on fit (and pac) to help get him through. fit is hurting too, but obviously he is not going to share all his fears with a teenager having a breakdown (that’s not how he operates, not when he can channel his emotions into something productive instead like checking on tubbo, pac, and the island). tubbo meanwhile strives to have walls as strong as fit's, but even if he won’t talk about it directly, his emotions bleed through a lot of the time anyway. so fit continues to check in on tubbo, and tubbo continues to let fit in and they grow closer because of it. we have lots of sweet moments in their friendship of tubbo letting fit see his vulnerabilities (about the eggs, with fred, about his day to day concerns) but we don’t see a lot of fit sharing his vulnerabilities. early on, fit makes it very clear to tubbo that tubbo has not earned the right to his secrets, and what he knows about the island, and what he does. fit visits tubbo and then leaves to go on secret jobs tubbo knows nothing about and can’t follow him to. tubbo doesn’t know anything about fit’s memories, or his resistance work, or his purpose. this was an initial source of tension between them, and while tubbo eventually decided to trust fit anyway, to this day, tubbo must be aware that he still hasn’t earned fit's full trust. and that fit, for all he knows tubbo’s problems, hasn’t shared many in return. the only exceptions to this that I can think of are 1) fit’s feelings for pac, which tubbo is privy to and while he teases fit, he is supportive of (which tubbo lost access to—at least in his head—when fitpac started dating, hence the acting out) and 2) fit coming to tubbo about the cats (which tubbo does NOT recognise as a moment of intimacy, that baffoon just laughs it off). i’m not blaming fit for this, as much as he loves tubbo, tubbo is an emotionally unstable teenager (turned young adult) whose bad at both secret-keeping and tact (and fit holds some very sensitive very dangerous secrets), but it definitely creates a lopsidedness in their friendship. 

especially because tubbo DOES respect this boundary of fit’s. while sometimes he pesters him for access to the office or insider info, he doesn’t seek fit’s personal business out behind his back really. meanwhile, the few times that tubbo has tried to keep something from them (kinda attempting to mirror fit’s own walls imo), fit and pac have gone behind his back to find out what it is. for example, them going to quackity’s house to investigate fred’s kidnapping without telling him, or them going and reading tubbo’s investigation room about the fed worker killings. now, i get why pac and fit—nosy and concerned as they are—do this, but it’s not great communication and it’s not a great show of trust.

all of this results in fit having a LOT of insight and access into tubbo’s life and insecurities and tubbo having comparatively little in return. and fit deciding how and when he interacts with tubbo and tubbo relying on fit to engage (lest he interrupt something secretive). they have all this restrictions and intricacies for how they interact and both of them have fed into this dynamic—it’s familiar and easy for both of them (fit isn't risking his secrets by trusting tubbo more, tubbo isn't risking rejection by asking for more)—even though their friendship has progressed and needs more balance. it worked ok for them for awhile bc they do both care for each other a lot, but it was NEVER going to be sustainable. any shift in dynamic that lengthened the distance between them would have unsteadied it.

but while tubbo is acutely aware of this tension and sensitive to it changing (and lashing out in response), fit has never really had to think about it. given the way they’ve interacted, fit’s own feelings have always been a bit separate from their friendship. it’s only now that tubbo's emotions/actions have hurt fit that fit wants his feelings acknowledged. he wants a more even dynamic, but he doesn’t realize that their friendship doesn’t feel like a “two-way street” because it never has been, almost by design. 

i don’t think tubbo has the experience or insight into fit’s emotions to realize what fit needs organically. i don't think fit can understand how his relationship with pac isolated tubbo even if he wants it to stay the same. i don’t think fit recognises the ways tubbo continues to show his trust in fit (like still inviting fit to follow him on the fred date or not investigating his secrets). i don't think tubbo understands why fit is upset with him (just that he is) or confidence to ask.

i don’t think either of them are going to properly explain their concerns to each other, if they have the words to properly explain it. all of this makes me think we’re only in for more fit & tubbo miscommunication in the coming weeks, but i DO think we still have hope. because these fools do love each other and pac (who I didn’t talk about much at all) & ramon & sunny (tho she’s also hurting) aren’t just gonna stand idly by while they continue to hurt each other.

[sol-consort]

heyyy i love your writing and i was wondering if you have any requests you’re working on👀

Thank you so much! I'm happy to hear you like my writing this much <33 Yes, I currently have 3 requests. One still baking in the oven, while the other two are finished cooling down and now awaiting frosting. A fluffy Jack one for valentine's day, A reimagining of the whole Citadel DLC but with Thane instead during all of the missions and lastly Helldivers 2 smut.

Here are snippets.

Jack fluffy headcanons

Jack always hated the concept of true love. That one person is supposed to magically fix all of her problems and flaws.

It just doesn't seem realistic, not to mention how weird it is to imply that people need to be fixed. That living beings are just broken on their own and require this special random someone else to put them together.

And since she has met you, she realised how right she is in her belief.

You didn't fix her. You didn't even attempt to. Not once did you imply that she should change who she or water her traits down for others.

You accepted her, flaws and all. Shitty personality and all.

It made her feel weird. To realise she has been deserving of love all of that time, that it was never something wrong with her that made others leave her.

That she was complete the whole time. Despite everything Cerberus did, not once did they manage to steal her from herself.

☆

Thane Citadel DLC - Citadel: Party - Afterparty scene with Kolyat

You're reminded of the first time you've seen Kolyat, of the first meeting between him and his father during your time at Cerberus

They've really grown closer and somehow managed to overcome all the obstacles and muddy past they had. Kolyat forgave his father, and Thane was grateful for being offered a second chance again.

And yet, he risked it for you, the life he worked hard to fix and turn around.

For the second time.

You notice the bag of medicine Kolyat was carrying and the open water bottle in Thane's hand.

His son must have come here all the way, first thing in the morning, just to deliver his father's medicine.

You give them their space, not wanting to interrupt Kolyat's angry lecturing of his father.

The last thing you see before going back inside is Thane pulling his son into a hug. Reassuring him that everything will be alright, his dad is right here.

Going back inside and checking with the rest of your crew and passing the hangover pills around, you gather them for breakfast.

Thane enters shortly after, and you stand up from the table and go to meet him at the door.

Offering him to bring Kolyat to join you and the rest for breakfast.

"Siha...I wouldn't want to impose."

"Nonsense Thane, you're as much part of this team as everyone here."

You step closer to the man whose extended lifespan feels nothing short of a miracle, the man you've come to love with all of your soul. If it wasn't for the war, you would spend every second you could spare with him until his last breath.

His hands feel cold against yours, his touch so familiar and full of longing.

Your eyes are full of promises when you meet his green ones, surrounded by abyssal darkness like the deep ocean. Promises to fight this war, to make the world a better place.

For Kolyat. You'll make sure his son gets to grow up in a safe world. That even when Thane is gone, he can entrust you to be a guardian to his son and look out for him after the fight is won.

But for now, you ask nothing more of this life than this one chance to share a meal with the two of them. Sit around a breakfast table and have a glimpse of what a normal life with Thane must have looked like in a different world.

With a nod, Thane accepts and goes to bring his son inside.

At first, Kolyat is shy and unsure at sitting next to so many people, most of them legends and hangover at that too.

You're amused at how much this scene reminds you of how Thane acted at the start of the casino mission, like father like son.

But after some time, Kolyat starts opening up to others and answering their curious questions. Surprisingly it is Grunt who is the most interested in him and continuesly asks him about sharks and if Kolyat has seen any.

He answers that he has swam with many, and just like that, Grunt is hooked and pushes James out of the seat next to Kolyat so he may claim James's seat for his own.

The two of them click immediately. By the end of it, they exchanged contact information. Grunt promising to share his secret stash of shark videos with Kolyat, who turned out to be very knowledgeable about marine biology.

☆

Helldivers 2 - heavy smut

Of course like any other activity that involved sexual Intercourse with another human, it required an immediate report in the aftermath to the ministry of healthcare in the form of paperwork. In the case the activity could result In a child, an extra paperwork is in order to request a permission slip that you could forward to the ministry of population regulation in order to start your work towards getting pre-pre-approval for the right to create a child, with additional screening and tests required to pass through plus an additional wait period depending on how many other people are requesting the permission to repopulate during this year. All fall under the rule of C-01. Failure to do so might result in having the right to your reproductive organs revoked for not meeting the standards of civility expected of every loyal citizen to uphold the constitution of managed democracy.

Paying no mind to your numbing kneeling knees, much like you had to crawl through dirt and kneel during combat to get better accuracy on your machine gun, you could endure staying in this position for hours.

You were made to fight, your body honed for combat, endurance, and stamina. The officer could be as rough as he wants with you, and you'd still take it because that is your purpose in life.

It was decided for you, like everything else in your life. You don't need to ponder or get curious about anything. You don't even need to think because your government will do the thinking for you.

You don't even need to touch yourself, just say the word and your loyal officer will bend you over the nearest surface and fuck your brain out In front of everyone, even other helldivers in the room getting their weapons setup.

the armoury is already placed in the middle of the ship after all, it's not like all your officers and engineers haven't seen you naked while changing equipment. There is very little courtesy offered in times of war.

So it won't be any different to have you pressed against the armoury wall, thighs wrapped around him as he fills you with his cum before zipping you up and shoving you into the nearest landing pod to get ready for your mission.

Landing on the planet with legs all wobbly and stuffed to the brim with his cum. Feeling it slowly leaking down your legs and staining your armour as you fight for your life while simultaneously trying to finish your mission.

Having to work with the teammates who just watched you take a load inside and scream in pleasure, just to join them afterwards like it's nothing. Feeling their eyes on you the whole time and knowing they know what the growing stains between your legs are.

Their touches start to linger, squeezing your thighs whenever one lends you their stem injection after you run out. Groping your back as you help them reload their weapon before another breach arrives.

That's the humiliating fate that you could be subjected to. That's the life of a soldier you signed up for.

Instead you're here, laying on a semi comfortable bed as with your hand held tenderly while someone prepares you with their fingers.

Taking you to his own quarters, giving you the luxury of privacy and going out of his way to be kind to you. Your superior must really care for you.

[lazzledazzler]

Lazzle's Rune Factory 5 Review

Alright so here are my thoughts and experiences with RF5! This is a big boy so buckle in earthmates...

Obviously this review will contain spoilers, read at your own risk.

Initial thoughts upon playing...

Great opening! I enjoyed the jazz music~ I did feel like it leaned a bit more towards the male player though. It definitely feels like a rune factory game. It's familiar, and controls are easy to get accustomed to for the most part. The mold is there and rf5 doesn't stray too far from its predecessors which is comforting for veterans. That being said, I'm not going to pull any punches and will critique this game harshly. Keep in mind as updates for the game are released not all things discussed in this review will be as relevant overtime!

Let's hear some thoughts on...

The story/plot. The plot is enjoyable overall. I'm not crazy about the whole Seed organization thing but it was a neat idea. They address the Sechs Territory and it is confirmed that the game takes place some decades after RF4. But by the end of it, I didn't feel like I really accomplished anything because it felt like I barely did anything really. Also they left a lot of stuff unanswered. I'm not even sure I understood the message they were sending, if they were trying to send a message at all. The main story is too short, and it doesn't involve enough of the townsfolk. You're basically doing everything yourself in secret the whole time and the townsfolk barely know what's actually going on. Out of the love interests, Lucas plays the largest part in the story, followed by Priscilla and Scarlett. The story feels targeted at male audiences--at least that's how I felt. You, the player, have a larger role in the game, much like in RF3 and I was glad to see this. As of right now there are only two arcs. Praying for DLC 3rd arc...!

Protagonists. The latest protagonists to join the crew of Earthmates are...decent. Their designs are nothing special unfortunately, though I appreciate Alice's more than Ares's. Appearance-wise they lack personality and creativity. Personality wise I am pleasantly surprised with how sociable they are. They're not exactly quick witted and sassy like Lest/Frey were in rf4, or as endearing as Micah in rf3, but they have a certain realness to them that makes their reactions to things believable. I'm certain Xseed will see to making them a bit more sarcastic in their localizing efforts, so let's all look forward to that. Overall though, while I appreciate their mannerisms, they don't really measure up to all the previous amnesiacs we've grown to love over the decades.

Characters. Overall I enjoy all the characters introduced in Rune Factory 5! I feel like there is someone for everyone in this game on some level. The voice acting was pretty good for every character. The designs are very much Rune factory. Like OG runefa, compared to rf4 ( 4 kind of strayed from their usual style) which I like. Characters still have their own signature quirks that you find endearing. Although I would have liked to see more variety? Like we've had mermaids, univir, half monsters, vampires, etc in previous titles but rf5 only gives us the usual (half) elf, dwarf, and then a succubus (physically she doesn't have unique features aside from the ears and heart eyes), and some were-people. I was hoping for something more unique to really give that classic runefa vibe.

Dungeons/Battles. I'm pretty split on this one. On the one hand, the dungeons have more depth due to the 3D aspects. They've included more contraptions that are very fun to see even if they aren't executed that well. So I'm grateful for that. On the other hand, the dungeons are insanely short imo. It doesn't take long at all to get to the boss. The puzzles are also pretty subpar and few compared to RF4. Fighting monsters is similar to the other games. You can lock on now but I only use it when I'm trying to use my Seed Circle. The lock on feature is actually counter-intuitive and makes it harder to dodge. Weapon mechanics have shifted a bit. There’s a feature that makes you invincible to damage if you time the R button dash correctly. Axes and Hammers are significantly slower than in older games? Like. I thought I was in slow motion it was so slow. Lances are also harder to use as well? I'm questioning my sanity here. I don't know if it's a bug or intentional either.

Farming. Not much has changed from previous games mechanics wise. They added new types of special crops which is neat. The camera view changes to overhead when you go near your fields though, and it can make you dizzy/uncomfortable. It actually makes it a bit difficult to see at times so I wish there was a way to adjust the angle. If you are tilling corn or dried weeds to improve the soil, you need to place them separately if you don't want to use the entire stack. Otherwise, it will till the entire stack on the land if you place them all down at once. The flower shop is unlocked late in the story. Weird thing to do considering you need flowers to make medicine. Not to mention the fact that you wont have access to the fertilizer that increases defense against typhoons? During typhoon season? Thinking emoji...

The town. I have to say Rigbarth's design is poor compared to Sharance, Selphia, etc. It's too big and it takes too long to get around. Everything is too spaced out and there aren't enough warp points to make it easier on players. I don't want to walk an entire mile up a hill to talk to one person and then walk all the way down to the beach to speak to another. It doesn’t really feel like a ‘town’.

OST/BGM. Music was good, though nothing really stood out to me where I'd go "damn this slaps" or something. I think they might've had some old soundtracks from rf2 or something because it felt really nostalgic at times.

We need an exterminator. (Bugs Bugs Bugs)

Marvelous, I don't know how to tell you this buuut...your customers are NOT your testers. When you release a game, you need to make sure it's not littered with glitches because customers don't enjoy dealing with them and will drop the game!

Here are some of the types of glitches I encountered:

Crashing. Game would randomly crash or freeze and close at any moment. Sooooo frustrating! Sometimes you get lucky with the autosave feature, but the autosave only activates every morning at 6am in your room and then when you warp to a dungeon level/floor. So when you're in the middle of your daily tasks in town and it crashes, you have to start all over. Marveloussss no one enjoys losing their progress in a game I promise you that much.

Lag. The dialogue bar is seriously slow, especially after loading your file. Crafting/Cooking screen lags. When you press the Y button to skip through dialogue it lags like hell. Pretty much after every time you load the game will lag, the audio will lag if you're in a battle, everything is just. so. slow.

Repeating dialogue. So if you close your game entirely (or if it crashes) naturally you'll reload your file to continue where you left off. There's a bug that will cause all NPCs to repeat the last dialogue that occurred from whatever plot related thing you did last. So for example, if the last thing you did in the story was unlock Ludmilla, everyone in town will naturally have some dialogue about her. But even after seeing all this dialogue and even saving, if the game is closed and reloaded you'll have to read all that dialogue again from townsfolk. It got really annoying after a while.

Monster taming. One time I tamed a monster but once I named it and hit 'ok' the monster never showed up in my barns? Just. gone. Okaaaay then...? Additionally, I expanded one of my monster barns but all of the monsters I tamed wouldn't appear in the added room. You get 4 monsters for each room but the monsters I tamed would show up in the original room. Meaning I had like 7 monsters in one room! I tried to bring them into the newly added room but they would just warp back to the other room. Sad.

Pond Glitch. I fished in the pond located in Sasayaki Forest and left the fish I caught but didn't want laying around the water's edge. If you leave fish around the pond's edge and go to sleep, the next morning you will be teleported to the pond and trigger the fairy dialogue as if you had thrown all of the fish into the pond??? So the dialogue of her telling you she wants 'X item, not this!' will trigger over and over for all of the fish you left at the water's edge. RIP.

Party member Bug. I had Martin in my party and I made him leave. Then when I went into my monster barns to get a monster pal to join me instead it showed me Martin's portrait???? Also I've encountered a bug where I can no longer ask anyone to join my party for some unknown reason. The R &L button prompt was just gone when I reloaded.

Errors. When cooking or crafting, the dialogue box shows up sometimes...

Typos. Random average typo here and there. Not a real biggie but there is one instance where the heroine will use the japanese male pronoun "boku" instead of "watashi" which really convinced me that this game was completely intended for men lol.

Let's talk about Pros

The good stuff. The stuff that makes you all warm and fuzzy inside.

Plot Advancing. Now I'm gonna put this as a pro because I'm certain the average player will enjoy this even though I do not. There are now markers on the map to show you where to go to advance the plot. This is all well and dandy, but it also made the story less appealing for me because you don't need to go around town and speak to residents for clues or assistance to advance anything in the story.

3D Graphics The 3D models are all amazing. The interior designs of the houses/buildings are also incredibly detailed and realistic.

Collecting items. Now there's a feature that will allow you to collect items into your inventory just by walking over them. This is pretty neat and welcome for the most part. Once the item is sparkling, you can walk over it and it'll go into your rucksack automatically. This also makes lumbering and mining go much faster. Yay!

The miraculous L pocket. Now you can customize the categories that appear in your L pocket by going to the rucksack tab in the menu. This is a super neat feature that makes things easier on players who want to manage their items in a format that suits them.

Weapon/Tool Toggling. You can now toggle between your equipped weapon and tool by pressing the left or right buttons on the trackpad.

Collecting lumber/material stone. Oh lord this is probably the most welcome improvement moving forward from the previous game. You can now put all of the lumber and material stone from your inventory into its storage at once. This also applies to fodder for tamed monsters. Well done Hakama.

Autosave. This feature is a welcome addition to the series. The game will save your data every morning and every time you enter a dungeon. Autosave has really saved my ass a few times when I made a huge error in judgement so I'm incredibly grateful for this feature. And it doesn't save over your actual save file--there's a separate autosave file at the very top. So if you messed up something but already saved on your main file, you can still salvage your mistake by reloading the autosave! I just wish it activated a bit more often sometimes.

Warping. Now we can warp to each level in a dungeon as well as certain places on the map in town. It's pretty convenient for the most part.

Increased party members. Now you can have up to 3 members in your party! Hooray! Party members act more intelligently than in older games. Scarlett can use the Seed circle to assist you in fights. I think she also tosses healing potions at you occasionally. So far, no one has tossed a dish at me if I haven't eaten like Kiel and Clorica did in rf4. But I have been hit by a failed dish (from reinhardt?) and a healing potion (from scarlett). Scarlett, Priscilla, and Reinhardt are the most helpful when dungeon crawling in my experience. Some of them however, (looking at you Doug) don't shut the hell up with their one line of dialogue they have and repeat it constantly.

Seed Circle. This neat feature allows you to capture monsters. By charging it and releasing you can capture monsters for the bounty system or add them to your party temporarily. If you throw it without charging it, you can stun monsters in place momentarily or grab things from far away. When stunning monsters, it can also give you the monster's drop item occasionally. Unfortunately it uses a lot of RP so it can be difficult at times.

Combo attacks. This is a neat feature that I appreciate and use often for boss fights. They do some serious damage so it's good to save them for the bosses. The actual cutscenes aren't that impressive, and feel kind of subpar when you get down to it but I think it's a start in the right direction.

Farm Dragons. I'm listing this as a pro although I really just see it as a new feature. Farm dragons have fields on their backs that you can place monster barns on and farm on. Giving them certain crystals will give your fields boosts in certain criteria, like length of growth, soil quality, you get it. I personally don't use the crystals because I couldn't give a shit lmao I have men and women to woo here. But if you're into this kinda thing then it's a pro.

Storage. When opening your storage box, fridge, etc. you can actually hit the R & L buttons to switch between ALL of your other storages. Looooove thissss. Great addition. So much faster to put items away in their respective places.

Crafting/Forging. Now we can also use the R & L buttons to alternate between the different weapon types/accessory/gear types instead of having to exit the menu and going back in each time you want to make something different.

Cooking. More recipes have been added. Yay!

Days are longer now. More time to get shit doneeeee ayyyy

Fishing. They've added many more fish to the game! Now the player will shout something when you get a bite, making it easier for you to hit B at the right moment. Nice. Also if you fail or press B too early, the fish doesn't vanish most of the time. Also nice. There is now a feature to fish with another person's assistance. Once a day you can investigate the sign near the fishing station and someone might offer to lend you a hand. Press the B button at the right moments on the slider and you can get a rare fish that can't be caught normally.

Monsters. New types of monsters! Love the designs. Even the monsters that are the same but just have different skins are really neat. They look great in the 3D format too. You can even ride with up to two people on certain monsters! Some bosses had awesome designs while others...were bad.

New Types of Furniture. The carpenter store has a wide arrange of furniture you can buy for your home. It also has wallpapers and stuff which is really neat. Though unfortunately you can't even sit on some of the furniture so that's a shame.

Events. Now there is a system where events are triggered by approaching an icon on the map. This is probably an improvement to RF4's randomized system, though personally I found it annoying because it meant that I had to see the events before I could just enter a building normally. Sometimes I just wanted to get shit done and not have to read through walls of text for someone's love event when I just want to buy something.

Voiced Lines. The protagonist seems to have more voiced lines, as do other characters. Good!

Let's talk about Cons

Not including glitches. Oh boy. So many cons. Where do I start?

Dialogue. Probably the most notable con in the entire game. The dialogue is drastically minimal in comparison to previous games, especially rf4. There is probably a quarter of the amount of dialogue compared to rf4's insane amount of content if not less. Townsfolk repeat themselves. Often. Too often. Am I playing Harvest Moon? Originally I thought it was because the dialogue is randomized, but I think it's actually because more dialogue is unlocked as you raise townspeople's FP. Despite this, there's no linear build up where you start off as acquaintances and eventually become very close like in rf4 because of how sporadic the LP/FP is. Townsfolk don't even talk to each other. One of the greatest perks about runefa is the conversations townsfolk can have with one another. Residents randomly gathering in small groups to talk about anything. Previously you could add someone to your party and sometimes a dialogue will occur if you speak to the right person at the right time with that person in your party. This is nonexistent now. The only time they do this in rf5 is during the festivals. But, it will only trigger if you have unlocked all the characters in each marriageable lineup and they can't be in your party. The residents will talk about one another but that's pretty much it outside of town events. They got rid of all the minor dialogue that occurs too. Trying to sleep in someone's bed while they're right there? They wont comment. Inspecting objects in stores while the shopkeeper is present? Wont say anything. Take a character with you to a dungeon/boss fight? Their lips are sealed. Where's my sense of community? :(

FP/LP This ties into the dialogue issue. The rate at which LP/FP increases is sporadic as hell. You can go from 1FP/LP to 4FP/LP just by giving a gift sometimes. I wouldn't even speak to people and their affinity increased by like triple for no reason. Then it increases by like 2% for the longest time. Argh!!!

Graphics. I don't consider myself very picky when it comes to graphics. I don't really mind that the foliage and scenery are at the level of a ps2 game at best. I tried playing on my television initially, but the lag and camera operability was too much so I fully switched (haha puns) to handheld. One thing that sucked is that I literally cannot tell the difference between medicinal herbs, antidote grasses, and green grasses without the captions because the graphics are so indistinguishable. So when you're trying to pick up multiples of those items by holding the A button, you're just randomly walking over anything green in the hopes that you'll get the right ones...

Lack of Sound Effects. Something I noticed is they got rid of the sound effects that will play when you complete a puzzle or add someone to your party. When you try to brush a monster there's no sound for the '♪' they make when you successfully brush them. So it was hard for me to tell if I had actually brushed them or not. I was a bit saddened by the lack of cute sounds.

Too much free range. From the very beginning of the game, you're allowed to go pretty much wherever you want when leaving town. It was too easy to stumble into high enemy level territory without knowing, so when I was like level 5 so I got KO'd immediately.

Artwork. The portraits seem to be lower in quality somehow. Runefa has always had shitty portrait art imo but this time it's even worse. Many character's eyes looked fucked up. Though the 3D models are insanely good for mostly every character except Terry. Terry's 3D model looks Terryfying and I prefer his portrait.

Festivals. They've added some new festivals. Some I enjoy. Some not so much. They changed the format of the eating contest. It's horrible. Good luck with that one.

L pocket + R button? They got rid of the feature that lets you skip to the other end of your items when opening the L pocket by pressing R button. I really liked that feature because it made it faster to reach my items so I was bummed that they got rid of it.

Gotta go fast. Now when you speak to someone, it doesn't 'stop time' as you might say it did in previous games. So people are still moving about as you speak to someone, making it harder to catch up to people! Annoying!!!

Catch and release? Not in my farming simulator! Say goodbye to being able to toss a fish you caught back into the water. In fact, say goodbye to tossing anything you don't want anymore into the water. Now you just have an army of fish flopping on the ground around you. And with the auto pick up feature, they're probably going to end up in your inventory anyways once you try to move. There are still certain ponds with fairies that you can toss stuff into, but you'll have to deal with the fairy harping at you for giving her something she doesn't want.

Shop Hours. Oh god. The shop owners don't even open their stores at the correct hours? It says open at 9am. If you speak to them they won't open their store until like 9:07??? But Priscilla and Lucy will show up to work their part-time jobs at around 8:30am and you can buy stuff through them before 9am. So the actual shop owners (for the bread shop and general store) are pointless usually. Additionally, if the store is empty (but open) you can no longer add a shopkeeper into your party and then enter their store with them to buy things from them. Why. Just why. When you want to buy something that only a specific person sells (Only Hina sells fish, only Heinz sells misc items) you have to wait for them to finally decide to work in their own store. Wonderful.

Monster Item drops. Maybe I'm crazy but the monster drops are seriously a lot harder to get than in previous games. Especially boss drops. It's almost impossible to get the rare drops now. I don't even want to try anymore. And as far as I know, the only place to buy monster items is through Heinz, but his items are actually misc. items, not specifically monster drops. So you'll be lucky to check his store (whenever tf he decides to actually work) for any monster items you might want instead of farming for the drops. Sighs.

Difficulty. This game is too easy. There is little to no challenge whatsoever. I had to increase the difficulty setting to hard mode and it was still too easy. I beat it at level 139, never once did I need to grind or level. In fact, your character levels up way too quickly for the pace of the story. I had zero trouble with any of the bosses and even the final boss was a breeze. Quite sad. Though because I am not new to the franchise, it's likely that newcomers would have some trouble in the later parts of the story.

Fishing cons. Idk how you fck up fishing but they sure did. You have to stand further back now because the pole is so long that you'll miss the fish you're aiming for. In fact, it's seriously hard to aim period. You'll end up recasting more often than not. Fish come in the various sizes but they don't seem to have the darker or faded characteristics that can indicate whether it's a rare fish or not. The graphics make it hard to tell. The pros that i've already mentioned are welcomed but it doesn't negate the fact that I do not enjoy fishing like I did in previous games.

Mining/Lumbering Cons. You can no longer strike three times consecutively when mining/lumbering. This sucks lol. Even when you upgrade your axe or hammer, powering up the tool does nothing for getting wood and material stone--it only expands the area of your strike. So it takes longer to get wood/stone from stumps and rocks now since you have to strike the full 9 times but it's not too bad. It's also harder to aim now as well so that's also unfortunate.

Seasonal Fields? Kiss them goodbye! That's right, there are no seasonal fields in rf5 because devs are insane! You instead have the farm dragons that seem to look seasonal based on the fact that they are designed after elements like earth, water, and fire. But no, these dragons are simply extra fields for you to use. Here's a spoiler: you're not going to use those fields. You're just not. They're kinda useless unless you're obsessed with farming. Now you have to grow your crops out of season like the sad farmer that you are.

Farming cons. Seeds no longer tell you how long it takes to grow the crop. Why. As of June 29th, they fixed this with an update. But I still had to play the whole game without it so fuck you marvelous. The joystick is really sensitive? So when you're trying to use a fertilizer or something on your field you're likely to place it on the wrong 4x4 tile, wasting your fertilizer. So it’s best to hold down the R button when farming. Also the crops look uglie as hell.

Sleeping and warping cutscenes. Just like in rf4 there's a cutscene when you go to sleep that can be skipped easily by pressing A. In rf5, there's a cutscene to sleep and a cutscene when waking up. It takes a bit more than a second to skip these scenes so it gets annoying after a while. Warping is this new feature that replaces our beloved escape spell. Overall I appreciate the feature but I hate it for two reasons. One: there's an annoying ass cutscene for it each time you use it that could be much shorter. And Two: townsfolk now use warp even when inside the town. In previous games, someone exiting your party in town would just manually run to wherever they need to be. So you could easily chase after them if you need to talk to them or give them something. Now, party members use warp regardless of where you are at the time. So say you have someone at 7 hearts and you want to try confessing to them. You would have them join your party, save your game, and then have them leave your party and immediately speak to them and confess before they can run off. If it doesn't work you reload until it does. In RF5 this wouldn't work anymore because they will warp. Now you would have to save, run around town trying to find this person and hope they accept the confession. Otherwise you'll have to play hide and seek again because reloading your file will randomize the resident's locations (if they are not working in a shop)!!!! I often just waited until a festival day because then they will be at the plaza for most of the day and it has a warp point there.

Crafting/Forging/Cooking. They've removed the feature where you can press Y on the ingredients in the menu to add more of that particular item. I miss this feature :'(

Lacks incentive. There is no trophy room from my knowledge. The final dungeon that is meant to be like the sharance maze/rune prana isn't that hard to beat for skilled players and is only 20 floors. After you beat the main story and this dungeon there's not much else to do really.

Request Board. Unlike in rf4, you need to make sure you have accepted requests before you complete them or else it will not count. Previously, you could complete all sorts of tasks and Eliza would still recognize your work even if you accept their request after the fact. ie, shipping goods, harvesting crops, etc. So make sure you don't harvest your special crops before accepting the request it's for!

Return of the "Loli" Dragons... Yeah you read that right. We got more dragons in children's(???) bodies with skimpy clothes. I don't know anymore????¿¿¿

Can't marry the Milfs or Dilfs. Tragic.

Still no homo. Grow up Marvelous.

Reverse Proposal? Reverse Uno card-- Laid low by the patriarchy. You now have to buy the double bed and craft an engagement ring to propose to your man if you're playing as Alice. Marvelous this isn't what we meant when we said we wanted equal rightsssssss This can be seen as a pro if you're a softhearted babey who doesn't like rejecting bachelors' proposals because you feel bad :'( But this is a con for me because I don't want to spend money and materials on a double bed dammit!!!

Misc. Still can't stack dishes or fish. There's no green elemental fairy???All the other elemental ones are there except the green one? why??? Still can't tame the giant Wooly. Some bosses that have insanely awesome designs cannot be tamed and makes me wanna eat glass.

Let's talk about Love~

Relationships. We want them. And half of us only play these games for them. I've only played as the female heroine so far but I'll be updating this review as soon as I finish with the bachelorettes as the male hero.

Confessions

As usual, we must raise the love points of our beloved to 7 hearts before we can attempt to date them. However unlike in rf4, if you fail at a confession once, you will need to raise the LP up an entire level before you can try again with any chance of success. It's imperative you save before attempting a confession now.

Love Events

Each love interest has two love events that must be seen before you can date them. They're reminiscent of older game's style but I felt they could have been a biiiit more interactive or so? Or involved the town a bit more for some of them.

Dating

Once you get your honey to be your bf/gf, you get to choose the nicknames as usual. Then you can go on dates. The first three (non-festival) dates are actually events. You need to see all three events to get married.

Marriage Event

The final event you need to clear before you can marry your sweetie. In my honest opinion, so far for the boys, these events were rather disappointing. They lacked the drama and angst that sort of 'test' the love between the two when compared to rf4. Also this is a huge con for me personally and a minor spoiler but there are no special cutscenes at the end of the marriage event like in rf4. Instead, the cutscene takes place during your actual wedding. I was saddened by this because it took away the depth from the marriage events and the actual character? As it is just a cut and paste type of thing instead of an original cutscene for each person. They lack individualism this way. Also it kinda felt like a way for devs to avoid gay relationships and cut corners :^/....sus.

First comes love, then comes marriage, then comes...

Children!!!!!! This is actually one of the coolest additions in the game. Just like in rf3, you can have up to 3 children again! Your first child will resemble you, and you will have the option to choose its gender as well as its personality. There are 6 different children, (3 boys and 3 girls), all with different hairstyles, mannerisms, and seiyuus. Your answers will determine which child you get. A year after your first child is born, you will get the option to have a second child. You'll end up with twins, both resembling your partner. You won't get to choose the genders (it will be a boy and girl) but you will get to choose the personalities once more. The children all have canon names too and each kid is incredibly cute. And of course, you're still able to take your kid with you in your party~ ...Though you can only take one kid with you at a time.

So is RF5 good?

Yeah it's a fun game! My theory is that Marvelous forced the devs to release the game earlier than they were ready for, and that's why it's so lacking. But that doesn't mean it's not worth playing! I'd rate it 3.5/5 stars hehe. Not nearly as good as RF4 (full stop 5/5), or RF3 (4/5) but enjoyable nonetheless. I wouldn't recommend it as a first game to play from the series for newcomers though, I feel it's best for vets who can overlook all the cons thanks to loyalty and nostalgia. By the time it’s released in the West, the bugs should all be dealt with too.

So! Definitely buy this game! We want the series to continue and we want RF6 to be better than this--and hopefully Marvelous will make sure of that next time. If you're not a picky person I think you'll enjoy rf5 a lot. If you're like me and have high standards then, well, still pick it up and let it run its course. Then dust off rf4sp and cleanse your gaming palette >;^)

[artobotsrollout]

Harbingers AU Q&A 2

Awesome questions and compliments from @evening-rose-309!

Aww thank you so much for the compliments! Seriously made my day! It makes me so very happy to know that you like my AU that much!!! ❤️

Questions and answers below the cut!

1. Will they take in former vehicons?

Some will join their fold, yes. Any vehicons/eradicons that wish to defect are welcomed. There are several who are loyal to, and follow Starscream that are disillusioned with Megatron's leadership. However, many eradicons/vehicons were created and trained under the Decepticon rhetoric of might=right and then dumped on commanders as they expanded their reach and numbers dwindled.

One of Starscream's bigger narrative points in this AU is that he doesn't fit with Decepticons, largely because he is a leader that prioritizes efficiency, minimal losses, and strategy. His seekers respect that. However, a large number of vehicons/eradicons raised under Megatron's showy, physical strength based, big impact but high loss leadership see Starscream as clever but the less devastating leader between the two which... Is technically correct but Megatron's devastating comes with the price of high losses.

Long answer short, some vehicons/eradicons DO follow Starscream but not as many as one would hope right away. More will join the pirate crew over time the worse Megatron gets.

2. Who is the 'Cap' n Jack' of the crew?

I'm not 100% certain how to answer this. Wheeljack and Starscream are probably the most chaotic, oddball, loose canons of the bunch so them perhaps?

3. Which one of the trine shares embarrassing stories about Starscream at the table?

Pick one, and it's not just embarrassing ones about Starscream. TC, Starscream, and Skywarp may not technically be split-spark brothers like Dreadwing and Skyquake but they may as well be with their brother-like dynamic of bickering but fondly.

4. Do the kids have flight rights?

TC is the first one to actually give them a ride. Miko asked Skywarp who agreed but that got a firm NO from Bulkhead. No flight rights until shortly after when Raf was doing an assignment on aerodynamics that Thundercracker took him for a flight. Miko actually convinced Starscream with a reverse psychology 'Are you going to let the autobots tell you what to do?!' and 'Psh I bet you fly like an old granny' afterwards. Skywarp was eventually allowed to take the kids for flights but only after they had painstakingly taught him about human limits and flight safety. Bulkhead, Bumblebee, and Arcee absolutely mother hen the heck outta their charges the first few flights.

Eventually when the rest of the bots get flight upgrades as they move to the Harbinger indefinitely they take the kids for flights too.

5. Does Ratchet still eventually go apeshit and almost kill Megatron by driving up the side of the Nemesis, knocking out a window, and bursting through at 1 am when he's high?

ABSOLUTELY. I was originally going to leave it as it was in TfP but this image is so frigging funny that this is now what happens in the AU.

6. If Starscream is genuinely respected and a good captain, which one of the crew almost throws hands with Arcee the first time they take the Bots on board?

While the atmosphere is tense the thing about this AU is some of the beginning is changed. I will detail it more eventually but essentially, there is a longer season one where Starscream is in charge and being a competent leader, and Cliffjumper is captured by Starscream but dies by Megatron's hand as a climactic "Oh shit Megatron has joined" narrative point to really nail home Megatron's devastation.

Basically where TfP actually begins would be bumped a season. So while Arcee and Team Prime still have a beef with Starscream, because he will have a whole season of doing crimes and overall being a major pain in the ass for team Prime, it won't be as revenge heavy from Arcee as it is in actual TfP.

7. Who's the worse night owl: Starscream or Optimus?

Optimus. Starscream is close though.

8. How will Ultra Magnus ever compute? working??? with pirates!?!?

With suffering and constant internal screaming. This man was not meant to be a part of a crew with so many loose cannons. Basically becomes the ship's equivalent of the 'Don't tell mom' role. Reportedly seen nailing up a 'NO fun allowed' sign.

9. Will Starscream get his original colours back or will he still be in the grays?

He will still be in the grays but I just may make the grays a little less patchy when he gets a minor frame upgrade! While I totally understand why people like the OG colours they aren't my favourite and I also don't feel like they fit with Harbingers Scream.

10. How many pranks a day?

The real question is have we found them all yet? Skywarp is a clever and patient little shit and can setup a prank that won't have a payoff for months. Nobody truly knows how many pranks could happen in a day except Skywarp himself.

11. How much Command Trine fluff will be served? Will we have a birb pile? Do the Bots come up to the brig to find Starscream passed out over a console with Skywarp snuggled to his side and Thundercracker with one arm around them both side-eyeing the others as the come in one morning?

There will be both fluff and angst with the trine. There is some initial struggle due to the very reason that we don't see any of Starscream's seeker armada in TfP. Megatron is manipulative and good at it too. They also will call him out for shit. But there will be fluff. And though Starscream frequently over works himself there will be times when Thundercracker and/or Skywarp drag him to bed or sit with him for awhile.

[heizuha-queen]

Hello! It's that girl who doesn't know when to stop coming up with more headcannons at 2am in the morning again.

Another idea sparked in my head.

You know how it's common for K-pop idols to have solo activities such as joining a variety show?

Have you heard of Busted! ?

Not sure if you've heard about this variety program. It airs on Netflix and currently have three seasons. The cast members consists of various celebrities ranging from comedians to actors to idols. Exo Sehun and Gugudan Sejeong are actually members of that show as well. (Btw, Sehun even low-key dressed up as KID once. It was a masterpiece. Period)

The show is a mystery/detective game program. The cast have to solve puzzles and search for clues to complete the missions given. The best part of the program is that the production team doesn't make the cast solve stupid, kid puzzle games.

They have to solve actual, scary, cases. Murders. Robbery. Conspiracy stuff.

So....

What if... Kazuha joins a program like this as a cast member?

I believe she would actually be perfect to join the show for several reasons:

1. Her intelligence

We've seen that she is actually very smart. Her deduction skills may not be as sharp as Heiji's, but we were shown in canon how Kazuha is actually very intelligent, even able to decipher the dying message of the victim in the Heiji Vs Kazuha episode. (If you remember, even Kogoro & Ran weren't able to solve it)

Not just that, remember how in the 7th Movie, Kazuha was able to come up with a really smart way to save Heiji from getting killed by that masked man by just using her sock and rocks?

If she were to join the cast, she'll be a valuable asset that could help them solve the missions much more quickly due to her wits.

2. Her physical prowess

Okay, to be honest, it's not necessary for the cast members to be proficient in martial arts. However, her aikido would definitely be a huge bonus. Imagine a scene where the cast members were all scared and being chased by something (like a villain, criminal,etc) As everyone is running away to not get caught and lose or something, Kazuha just stands there like a badass and back flip the villain like... Wouldn't that be totally awesome?

The production crew may or may not advise Kazuha to not repeat that so the staff members won't turn down their job as future villain roles.

(Also, ever since the back flip incident, the internet may or may not vote her as the most badass K-pop idol to live)

3. Her popularity

Since I think everyone on your blog agrees that Kazuha will be extremely popular, imagine the viewers she would attract to watch the program. It wouldn't be just the Korean audience. Her international fans would watch. Her Japanese audience would watch. Her group's fan would watch.

Of course, most importantly, Heizuha fans would loyally watch every episode as they pray that Heiji would miraculously guest on one of the episodes since they're thirsty for any Heizuha interaction.

(Even a cameo phone call would be enough tbh)

4. Her experience

I strongly believe that no matter how hard Kazuha's agency tried to avoid scandal by hiding the fact that Kazuha has been to a lot of cases and crime scenes (because of Heiji), the internet still discovers it. Hence, the producer of the show believe that she would perfect since she has experience and know how to ACTUALLY act when trying to do detective work. Her attitude would make the (fake) murder case looks real and legit, hence bringing more quality to the show.

5. Her relationship with people who are in the field

I think that, over time, people would discover that Kazuha is a daughter of a very notable and respectable police officer. Due to that, in a way, I think people would trust Kazuha's instinct more on the show, and indirectly, she would unconsciously lead the cast members to solve the mystery without being explicitly bossy nor pushy.

I would also LOVE to imagine that in those EXTREMELY RARE instances where a mission becomes extremely hard, for instance, they've spent longer time than necessary on a clue, the production crew gives them a chance to call someone and ask for help. (Tbh the production crew could just straight up tell them the answer, but where's the entertainment value in that?) Most of the time people would ask Kazuha to call for help since she has connections to a bunch of smart people who could solve the clue in just a few minutes. ( ie; her dad, Heiji).But of course, (for the sake of entertainment lol), the cast prefer if she calls Heiji for help. (Hence, why Heiji makes some cameos on the show through phone calls)

Let's be real, the production crew and cast members are (low-key) hardcore Heizuha shippers.

6. Her personality

She may be hot-headed at times, but that just adds charm to her personality you know? It also sometimes help the cast stay in check to help out with the investigation. At the end of the day, her determination to complete a mission yet adorableness in her interactions are really what makes people love her so much. Her frankness and straightforwardness also helps her forge genuine friendships with the rest of the cast members and production crew. From the show, people could see more than a properly-trained K-pop idol on stage. Rather, a smart individual who is also a human. People get to see her as herself, not just a celebrity.

Of course, I don't think she'll immediately join the program as a rookie K-pop idol. Maybe 5/6 years after her debut, where members of her group are all exploring their own individual solo career?

Although on another note, can you imagine how Heiji would react when she's on the show.

I bet Heiji watches every episode of the show but never admits it. He would also get frustrated when everyone on the show takes too long to find a hint, but have this huge proud smile on his face whenever Kazuha solves it.

Of course, Heiji would tease Kazuha for every small thing she did on the show when they facetime or call each other in private. Just because~

I also imagine Kazuha having to change Heiji's name on her phone to something neutral that doesn't indicate that they're dating. Ever since joining the show, she also has to change the lock screen of her phone since she could be asked to call Heiji for help without any warning. (Better safe than sorry)

I guess that's all for this random shot of headcannons. I hope you enjoy them!

Ps; By the way, if I do end up writing Heizuha fanfics (WE DESPERATELY NEED MORE!!), I'll let you know 😊

Umm PLEASE NEVER LEARN TO STOP BECAUSE I LOVE READING YOUR HEADCANONS!

I really love the idea of Heiji appearing in phone calls and I can imagine him watching every episode. It’s a routine that no one can break for him😂😂

[buckleyx]

COFFEE RUNNER T.E

The GIF I used is not mine! All credit goes to the owner!

Author’s note: Sorry for any mistakes. English isn’t my native language :)

Requested: Yes, by this angel -  Would you wanna do a Taron Egerton x reader where Taron is on set filming for Rocketman, and the reader is a coffee runner or something? Taron is intrigued by her, noticing how everyone else ignores her. He strikes up a conversation with the shy reader, and they become friends. Over the 5 months, Taron asks her on a date and she says yes. Another time skip, Taron is in his trailer and the reader joins him. He gets all self conscious about his beautiful chubbiness and reader comforts him 

Warnings: Angst - Fluff

masterlist

------------------------------

"Good morning." You smiled as you passed one of the crew members. "Richard is waiting for his coffee." He muttered, not making eye contact with you.

A sigh left your lips as you head back to the small place next to the catering.

When you first started on set, you hoped to become an cinematographer. But when you applied for the position, they informed you that someone already got it. So they offered you a job as coffee runner.

It didn't really matter to you, of course you wanted to showcase your talent as an artist. But now you could learn allot of what's it really like behind the scenes.

You didn't really now anybody, so during lunch you shyly sat alone next to the table with crew and cast.

"Is this seat taking?" A gentle voice asked. Looking up you where met with Taron's soft eye's. "No." You smiled.

It was weird seeing an actor sitting at the staff's table, you both sure got some weird looks for it. But he didn't care. All he wanted to do was to get to know you better.

And he did.

Hell he did.

Ever since you walked on set, he couldn't take his eyes of you. He was so heartbroken when he saw everyone ignoring you. But that pretty much changed after lunch.

A few weeks went by, and everything changed in the most wonderful way possible. You got really close with Taron.

He properly introduced you to the crew, they all got to know you better and rapidly accepted you.

You even got to help the cinematographer from time to time, who was amazed by your talented.

A content sign left your lips as you made your way to the coffee machine.

"Hello Love." Taron greeted, making his way over to you. "Good morning." You smiled.

"I was thinking." He said. "Maybe we can grab a coffee sometime? Not here, but you know...somewhere nice?" 

"I would love that."

3 months went by, Taron and you were officially a thing and you couldn't be happier.

It was the last 2 weeks of shooting, as you made your way into Taron's trailer. A hot cappuccino in one hand and in the other a small note that you would place on his desk.

Opening the door, you notice Taron standing in front of the mirror. With a frustrating sign, he let's himself fall on the couch behind him.

"Taron?" You asked, placing the cup on the small table. "What's wrong?"

"Nothing." He shrugged, avoiding eye contact.

"Taron." You said softly, placing your hand on his back. "Talk to me."

"It's just..." He sniffed. "I've gotten really out of shape, much more than I intended. And i'm scared how people are going to react. How you are gonna react as you watch me film that pool scene."

"What?" You were left in disbelieve. "Taron you're the most beautiful human being on this planet. How dare you to even doubt that. I love you just the way you are.

You look absolutely amazing! Who cares what other people think? Do you really think that i fell in love with your looks? I fell in love with what's right here." You said, pointing at his heart. "So it doesn't matter how big or small you are. To me you're perfect, Just the way you are. You look beautiful."

"I love you." He smiled, kissing your lips softly. "I love you too."

Let me know if you want to be tagged!

[hkshirayuki]

THE MYTHICAL CREATURE 2

Marco x Reader

Genre:Fluff

"that's right, I'm a pineapple human... Who the heck you calling, Pineapple human yoi! "

Y/n were to shock that she faint. Marco finally realized that he turn back to his human form. He was only happy that he is finally back. But he couldn't leave you be. So he just carry you back to the boat and sail to where is his ship.

"Oh your finally back, Marco" his crewmate greet.

"yeah, I am back, Where is Oyaji? " Marco asked.

"Oh if your looking for oyaji his having a feast in the deck, By the way whose the chick?"

Marco just stop out of his trance as he glance back at your unconscious body.

He just sigh as he carry you with him.

Thatch just send a sexy whistle at Marco.

" Oyaji! Marco bring his girl with him" thatch announced as for his pesky siblings. Just gather around and  give you and him a curious look.

Thatch just nudge him as he asked.

"so how's your days with her? Did you have fun?" Marco were only irritated. But he wouldn't admit that he was in his phoenix form and couldn't return back so he was treated as a bird pet. By you which is humiliating.

"Yeah, very fun" Marco said while gritting his teeth under his words.

"come on, share some details" thatch said and he just glare at him to quiet down. Marco is still carrying you in his arms.

Whitebeard just embrace him as a welcome back. Which woke you up. Finding yourself between the chest of Two unknown people.

Y/n were shook to the bone as she jump out of his arms.

"Where am I!?"

"Well you sure, did find a lively lady, Marco, Gurarara" Whitebeard said.

"yeah, But why are you drinking alcohol again! OYAJI! Your not supposed to drink sake! yoi" Marco said as he scold them for letting there Dad drink when he isn't allowed to drink due to his condition.

Y/n just find herself. Out of place as she doesn't understand what is going on? When she remembered that Marco is Ao. The phoenix...so she just point at Marco which is currently scolding the whole crew.

"Your really a Human, Ao!? I mean Marco, right?"

Marco stop his nagging, and his Pops and the rest of the family just give her a curious look. Marco soon were found beside you as he put a hand in your mouth to prevent you blurting the stuffs he didn't want for them to know.

" He sure grown up now, Man, I'm so jealous!" Thatch said.

"I told you, Marco wouldn't be please to know that Oyaji drink" Izo said.

"Come on, We all know he will still do it, even Marco his personal doctor banned him, after all were talking about Oyaji here" Vista said.

"I agree" Jozu said while nodding his head. Izo just sigh to himself as he is also worried to Oyaji's well being.

They all do, its just they inherit there stubbornness from there Oyaji.

Marco just bring you to his room.

"Where are you planning to take me!? Ao? I mean Marco?!"

"To my room"

"what! No! Explain it to me here!"

"Fine, I am a devil fruit user and eat the rarest zoan type, Model phoenix yoi"

"then your really a human?"

"yeah, I am, yoi"

"so... When I was talking to you, you understand it?"

Marco just nod as a response and y/n sudden gasp and remember something that make her flustered and ashamed to herself. She only covered her chest.

"Does it mean... Even when the time I change my clothes in front of you..." Marco just recall and Blush as he apologies for unintentionally crossing the line.

"no, its fine, it was my fault for being careless, So...umm, I'm sorry for treating you like a bird that time"

"Yeah, can't blame you for that as I was making bird noise only, yoi"

"By the way, why did you bring me here with you?"

Marco just rub the back of his neck.

"I just want to asked a favor, if its okay that yoi"

"Hmm?"

"Just don't talked about the whole bird story, yoi"

"Ah, I see, sure"

Marco just sigh in relief as the two walk out of his room.

The whole crew just give them a sly grin.

Marco just glare at them while y/n just smile in returned, she wave at them awkwardly.

"Is this seriously a pirate ship, your not gonna sell me, Right? Or do something bad?"

Marco just sigh at what you asked.

"we don't do those stuff, yoi" Marco said and hope it reassure you.

"I see" y/n replied as she grin at him.

Marco just look away as he isn't never used to you smiling at his direction. It make him feel mushy inside. The moment he look away, The whitebeard pirates just gather around as they warm welcome y/n to there ship.

As soon she had interact with them, she can sense there different from the pirates she had encountered in the sea.

"I'm quite overwhelmed, To think I'm currently on the same boat with the famous Whitebeard,It's an honour to be in your presence" y/n politely said as they laugh and tell her that she didn't have to be polite nor formal with them.

Whitebeard only laugh at how formal you are. Y/n just felt embarrassed but smile at them and replied "Okay"

Thatch just put an arm around your shoulder as he offer you, A Food he had cook. He will sometimes joke about something that you laugh as you find it funny. Marco only join the fun after he had released his anger.

Whitebeard just asked Marco about how was the week with you. Marco, Of course, just give him a pretty lie.

"Gurara so your the little girl that Marco spend his whole week with, Tell me Little girl, how was My son?" Whitebeard asked.

"He was smart and a Gentleman even he is in his bird form" y/n blurted out and Like that they stop in there trance as they were curious.

"Interesting, Tell us more details,

y/n-chan about the bird form" Thatch said with a very sly grin in his face.

Y/n were going to tell them everything as she is already drunk. When Marco overheard about it, He just covered your mouth with his hand to prevent you from telling the lame truth he want to hide as his secret.

"She is clearly drunk, yoi" Marco thought still covering your mouth with his hand, when his Pops speak

"Bird? Did The two of you make love, Your too young to do stuff like that, Marco" Whitebeard unamused said before chugging his sake.

Marco just blush as he clarify himself.

"What no!We didn't do that pops!" Marco hastily replied and putting his hands up like a gesture of surrender.

"Then what,did you two do then?" Whitebeard narrowed his eyes at his son.

"We were just getting to know each other, like that yoi" Marco said. As it was the truth, y/n observed him, she research about what kind of a bird species he is, It's more like you getting to know him more.

"Your currently blushing, Marco" Izo said.

"I am not, My face is only flushed because of the alcohol in my system, yoi" Marco replied.

"Really, Doctor?" Thatch said.

"Ao and I are Friends, pretty blue bird" y/n said in her sleep as she nuzzled to Marco's chest.

They only raise there eyebrows at him.

"Getting to know, each other huh?!" they all said. Marco only face-palm at himself as the last thing he wanted is to be the tease subject of the Whole Whitebeard pirates.

"I told you, yoi, its not like that" He said.

"Hold on? Who is Ao?" Thatch asked and they look at him.

"Stop giving me the look yoi! Let me bring her to the guest room"

They only pout but comply to what Marco said as they all call it a day.

Marco just bring y/n to one of there spare rooms in the ship.

"Geez, I almost got caught, yoi" Marco said to y/n that is completely asleep.

While he tuck her in bed and go to his own room.

The next day

Marco only woke up by the lively noise, Coming from outside his room.

"Morning" Marco said in a sleepy voice.

"Morning Marco" Izo said as he greet him back. Marco only sit beside him.

"Marco! Your awake, its very rare for you to oversleep" Thatch said as he was giving Marco a gesture.

"Seriously, Thatch" Marco and Izo said. As they both understand what it means and Thatch just laugh.

"I was just messing with you, so how's your sleep?" Thatch asked at the same time he give Marco his breakfast.

"Not that bad" Marco replied before eating.

"About y/n, Marco, Oyaji just asked if she would like to be part of the family" Izo said.

"I see" Marco said before he eat a spoonful of his breakfast again. He was still sleepy so he didn't quite understand.

"We got ourselves a sister now" Thatch happily said in front of Marco.

Marco is currently chewing the food inside his mouth. At the same time he is processing what Izo and thatch said. After processing it he spit his food and choke.

"wh-What!? Oyaji did?" Marco surprised asked.

"Why me" Thatch said as he wipe the food and spit in his face.

"I should have know, you were half asleep to understand it" Izo said offering Thatch a clean cloth to wipe the spit food in his face.

"Where is Oyaji?" Marco asked.

"His in the deck with the rest" Jozu said.

"Thanks" Marco said before leaving them.

Marco just walk towards the deck, only to see how his family enjoy your accompany. It looks like you were asked about your adventures in the sea. After telling them one of the embarrassing and funny moments that happen to you.

"Gurarara, You sure have a One of a kind adventure there, Little girl"

Y/n just bashfully scratch her cheek. While Vista, Rakuyo, Fossa just laughed along with there oyaji.

Vista just notice Marco and walk towards him, And put an arm around his shoulder.

"Marco, good timing, you just arrived at the right time, Oyaji was looking for you" Vista said and Marco just nod his head, and the two just walk towards Whitebeard who is still laughing about y/n's story.

"Marco, where did you find this lively girl, I like her" Whitebeard said with a laugh.

Y/n just blush and thanked Whitebeard for the compliment.

Marco doesn't know what will he react to his Dad statement. You get easily blend in to the whole crew for only a day.

And they are already in favor of you.

Marco just respond with a nervous laugh. "In the ocean, pops just drifting around yoi"

"Oh so it's love at first sight~" Haruta said. The others just smile in a very scheming way towards Marco.

Y/n just tilt her head, as she is oblivious about how Marco's siblings are to him.

Whitebeard just enjoyed seeing how his family tease each other.

" Damn it, Shut up, There is no Romance between me and her, yoi!"

"Yet" Whitey bay added and they all agree.

Marco just look like his going to produce steam of heat from his head.

"You sure guys, get along" y/n said unaware that she is involved.

"We got ourselves a cinnamon roll sister, That's so cute" they all thought and marco just neglect all of there accusation.

"you sure, Charm them all, huh... Young lady" Whitebeard said.

"I don't know... Did I? Really? I have no idea" y/n replied.

Whitebeard just chuckled at you, As he asked you again to join the family.

The whole crew just quiet down, When there dad asked you.

Y/n just thought that even in her first time to interact with them. they welcomed her like she was also part of the family. She just smile at Whitebeard and nod her head as a yes.

The whole family were delighted, As they announced "This call for a welcome feast for our new family member!" They all said in unison.

Whitebeard just laugh as he tell y/n to sit with him.

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Part Three

Part one

[tabloidtoc]

Star, May 10

You can buy a brand new copy of this issue without the mailing label for your very own at my eBay store: https://www.ebay.com/str/bradentonbooks

Cover: Meghan Markle having twin girls (oops!)

Page 1: Famous for doing his own stunts, Tom Cruise helicoptered in to the tiny English village of Levisham to film aboard, or rather hanging off of, a vintage train and along for the ride was his Mission: Impossible 7 costar Hayley Atwell, who was spotted running along the top of the North Yorkshire Moors Railway car and while the pair, surrounded by crew and tech experts, were total pros, it's an open secret on set that their romance is going strong and Tom and Hayley hang out non-stop when the cameras are off and are pretty much joined at the hip but not in a showy, PDA way; it's a very discreet thing they've got going on -- off-camera, 58-year-old Tom and 39-year-old Hayley enjoy quiet nights holed up in Tom's London digs, eating meals specially prepared by his private chef and they'll watch movies or read books or just chill out doing their own thing -- chilling out isn't Tom's forte, as audio leaked of him berating the film's crew for violating COVID-19 protocols, but things have calmed down considerably as the spy flick, due in theaters May 2022, closes in on its wrap date, but the ensuing publicity push will put Tom and Hayley's relationship front and center, but don't expect the devoted Scientologist to jump on any couches (a la Katie Holmes) announcing wife No. 4 as Tom has learned the hard way about putting everything out there and getting picked to pieces; this time, it's all about subtlety

Page 2: Contents, Cher got up and personal with the World's Loneliest Elephant Kaavan, who she helped relocate to Cambodia

Page 3: Brie Larson in a swimsuit with butterflies on it during a getaway to Hawaii, with headphones at the ready Brooke Burke was itching to cut a rug with friends before teaching a silent disco cardio party at the Rafi Lounge in Malibu, Maria Shriver and Christina Schwarzenegger enjoyed some quality time on a stroll in L.A., Boy George sporting a bold look on The Jonathan Ross Show in London

Page 4: In a recent interview, AnnaLynne McCord revealed a shocking diagnosis: for years, the 90210 alum has been battling dissociative identity disorder (often erroneously referred to as multiple personality disorder) -- she told Dr. Daniel Amen she is absolutely uninterested in shame about opening up despite the stigma surrounding mental-health issues because that's how we get to the point where we can articulate the nature of these pervasive traumas as horrible as they are -- for her part, the 33-year-old traces back her troubles to sexual abuse she suffered as a child and as had many of the 200,000 people diagnosed with DID each year, she suppressed those horrific memories and it was only within the past few years that they began to resurface, largely after she sought treatment for PTSD related to another sexual assault and she doesn't have any memories of abuse until around 5, then from 5 to 11, she recounts incidents throughout and then, when she was 13, she has a singled-out memory and it was at that age that she developed what doctors call a second personality identity: as Little Ann, the Georgia-born daughter of a pastor said she was balls to the wall, middle fingers to the sky, anarchist from hell who will stab you with the spike ring that she wears and that helped her survive her nightmarish situation -- ironically, acting created the same dynamic, making it sometimes difficult for AnnaLynne to let go of characters she'd played and all of her roles were splits but she didn't even realize she was doing it

Page 5: Jennifer Aniston wasn't exactly touched when Justin Theroux gushed about how much he still loves her in the issue of Esquire -- complaining about feeling like a hermit during the pandemic, 49-year-old Justin nearly got misty discussing FaceTiming and texting his ex, saying he cherishes their friendship and they can not be together and still bring each other joy and he'd be bereft if they weren't still in touch and he'd like to think the same for her -- but 52-year-old Jen, whose love life has been low-key since the pair's 2018 divorce, has stayed on good terms with most of her exes including Brad Pitt but doesn't want anything more than a friendship with Justin and sure, it's flattering but she's just moved on and wishes he would too, and that goes double for some of her friends who griped that Justin tried to milk Jen's connections to further his career -- in the end, Justin needs to know he's got no chance whatsoever of winning Jen back and she doesn't feel anything remotely close to passion for him anymore

* Roseanne Barr showed off her newly svelte frame on Instagram -- back in 1998, she lost 100 lbs after undergoing gastric-bypass surgery, but yo-yo'd over the next decades but now she's determined to keep the weight off by totally changing the way she eats and she's growing her own fruits and vegetables and has a whole new appreciation of food

* Five months after he entered the Federal Correctional Institution, Mossimo Gianulli finished up his stint at his plush Hidden Hills home and now, the 57-year-old, who along with wife Lori Loughlin, pleaded guilty to paying a $500,000 bribe to get their kids into USC, can't wait to get back to normal and his biggest priority, besides spending time with Lori and the girls, is to get out there on the golf course -- the designer, worth a reported $70 million, still has to perform 250 hours of community service while Lori, who finished up her prison stint in December, is chipping away at hers, doling out meals at L.A.'s Project Angel Food -- Lori and Mossimo have resolved not to dwell on the past and they want to move forward with a positive and grateful attitude

Page 6: Fans of Angelina Jolie's stunts in movies like Lara Croft: Tomb Raider and Mr. & Mrs. Smith are looking forward to her return to the screen as a wildfire fighter in Those Who Wish Me Dead and in the upcoming Marvel flick Eternals but 45-year-old Angie would rather be behind the camera and she explained the real reason behind her comeback is she loves directing, but she had a change in her family situation that's not made it possible for her to direct for a few years and she needed to just do shorter jobs and be home more, so she went back to doing a few acting jobs -- that change in her family situation, of course, is her divorce from Brad Pitt, ongoing since their 2016 split and with no bitter end in sight and it could drag on for years

* Catherine Zeta-Jones says it's no secret her 20-year marriage to 76-year-old Michael Douglas hasn't been easy and it wouldn't be normal if there weren't any ups and downs -- it's another Michael, her Prodigal Son costar Michael Sheen, who has friends whispering as both are Welsh and only a year apart, the two have been having a lot of fun shooting the serial-killer drama and they had never met before the series but they keep discovering how much they have in common -- while Michael, who has been linked with Kate Beckinsale, Rachel McAdams and Sarah Silverman, has been with Anna Lundberg for two years, friends can't help worrying because it's a little to close for comfort

Page 8: Star Shots -- Marlee Matlin kicked back during a portrait session in La Canada Flintridge in California, a loaded-down Irina Shayk in a Victoria's Secret photoshoot in NYC, Gavin Rossdale and his dog Chewy leaving tennis practice in L.A.

Page 9: Kelly Clarkson and her battle advisor Luis Fonsi on The Voice, John Stamos at the drive-in premiere of his new series Big Shot in L.A.

Page 10: Rosie Huntington-Whiteley toting her $3800 Bottega Veneta Shell bag in NYC, Niall Horan and Anne-Marie jumped into a classic Jaguar XK120 for a music video in Essex in England, Adam Driver as Maurizio Gucci on the set of House of Gucci on a bicycle in Rome

Page 11: Jay Leno takes a selfie with a fan, Kate Hudson and her daughter Rani busting out some mommy-and-me moves

Page 12: David Beckham filming a commercial for Maserati, Kaley Cuoco working out with ropes, a windswept Olivia Culpo held on tight to pup Oliver while enjoying a sunset ride aboard a boat named after her dog, Miles Teller looked both ways during a cruise in his blue Ford Bronco which is the same car he flipped in a 2016 accident

Page 13: Garrett Hedlund hit the pavement in a jog in Hollywood, Johnny Depp got behind the camera at the photocall for his film Minamata during the Barcelona Film Festival, friendly exes Sara Gilbert and Linda Perry masked up for a walk in L.A.

Page 14: 2021 ACMs -- country celebrates its best in Nashville -- Elle King and Miranda Lambert kicked off the 56th Academy of Country Music Awards by rolling up in a hot ride before performing, Blake Shelton, Dierks Bentley, co-host Keith Urban

Page 15: Maren Morris and Ryan Hurd performed together, Carrie Underwood

Page 16: Margot Robbie inline skating during a beach day in Malibu, Kate Beckinsale carrying her two cats and her dog as she tried to read, Chrissy Teigen and John Legend and their daughter Luna took a silly mid-game family selfie while playing Hedbanz

Page 18: Normal or Not Normal? A sleepy George Stephanopoulos was caught yawning on the Good Morning America set -- normal, Emily Blunt kicked back a little too much at The Jonathan Ross Show -- not normal

Page 19: With a $1400 rainbow Gucci sweater wrapped around her shoulders Selling Sunset's pregnant Christine Quinn with her dogs in L.A. -- normal, Chelsea Handler works out with her dog on her back -- not normal, Zach Braff stuck his tongue out as he took a silly selfie filming the Cheaper by the Dozen reboot -- not normal

Page 22: Fashion -- stars shine in metallic frocks -- Becky G, Gugu Mbatha-Raw, Karen Gillan

Page 23: Miranda Lambert, Cynthia Erivo, Renee Zellweger

Page 26: Travis Barker didn't hold back in his birthday tribute to girlfriend Kourtney Kardashian -- sharing a series of sexy shots with 42-year-old Kourtney, including a NSFW video of Kourtney sucking his thumb and the rocker's risque pics quickly went viral, as did Kourt's TMI essay posted to her health and wellness site Poosh titled "Rough Sex: Love It or Leave It?" -- definitely leave it, if it were up to the pair's kids; 17-year-old Landon and 15-year-old Alabama, who are 45-year-old Travis' children with ex-wife Shanna Moakler, are mortified by their dad's behavior and like most teenagers, the two are active on social media and can't avoid the new couple's loved-up posts and Travis' kids are happy that he's happy, but the PDA is weird and takes some getting used to, while Travis' stepdaughter Atiana De La Hoya, on the other hand, doesn't seem to have a problem as the 22-year-old posted a heart-eyes emoji -- as for spending time with Mason, 11, Penelope, 8, and 6-year-old Reign, Kourt's kids with ex Scott Disick, the pair try to restrain themselves but still the lovebirds are happily oblivious and have a hard time toning it down and Kourt and Travis are just being themselves and going with the flow; they're in love and want the world to know it

Page 27: After 10 months of dating Australian model Vanessa Valladares, Zac Efron is officially back on the market -- 33-year-old Zac called it off with the 25-year-old after things got too serious, too soon and they spent every moment together and it was too claustrophobic for him, as Vanessa, who quit her job and gave up everything to be with Zac, became a fixture on set as he worked on Down to Earth with Zac Efron and he felt guilty that she was giving up her dreams and aspirations to be with him -- despite their split, Zac, who had put his L.A. home on the market and extended his stay in Australia after meeting Vanessa, has no plans to rush back to the States because he has made a lot of friends there and feels at home

* Like many planning their vows during the pandemic, Scarlett Johansson and Colin Jost had to get strategic when it came to their big day -- Scarlett said they wanted it to feel like it had an intentional intimacy as opposed to being something that felt like they were restricted by all these things -- the intimate and small event the pair threw was at their $4 million Palisades, N.Y. home in October and the ultra-private pair kept their guests safe, and the guest list was tiny and it was understated but lovely, just what they wanted -- now Scarlett and Colin have settled in to married life and Scarlett and Colin both like to steer clear of the spotlight which makes them perfectly suited for each other

* Vanessa Hudgens revealed the surprising way she was introduced to boyfriend Cole Tucker, who she's been dating since November -- 32-year-old Vanessa and 24-year-old Cole met on a Zoom meditation group and Vanessa admits that the Pittsburgh Pirates shortstop is just perfect for her and Vanessa and Cole, who debuted their romance on Valentine's Day, moved their budding friendship offline after feeling sparks via the virtual meeting app and they started communicating on their own and found out they have a lot in common -- now Vanessa, who dated Austin Butler for nine years before their 2020 split, is zooming ahead and she doesn't want to rush or jinx things, but she's saying Cole could be The One

Page 28: Cover Story -- Prince Harry and Meghan Markle: Twin Girls -- it was a somber, but loving occasion as the royal family celebrated the life of Prince Philip and amid the pomp and truly touching moments, like Queen Elizabeth sitting frail and alone, viewers waited to see what would happen when Harry and Prince William reunited for the first time since Harry and Meghan stepped down from senior royal duties in March 2020 and just weeks after their bombshell TV interview rocked the monarchy and tensions had been running high before the funeral, but everything went better than expected as William and Harry bonded and united in grief at the loss of their beloved grandfather, the estranged siblings along with William's wife Duchess Kate Middleton, waved away their waiting cars, opting to walk the half-mile from St. George's Chapel to Windsor Castle together and the trio chatted easily as they strolled -- back home in Montecito, Harry has been by pregnant Meghan's side around the clock making sure she takes it easy and the couple are in full-blown prep mode and Harry has been helping baby-proof their mansion and designing the nursery and Harry's been on his hands and knees making the house baby-friendly and he's got the latest, state-of-the-art safety devices installed around the pool -- Harry's promising visit with the royal family has given him one less thing to worry about, but still he and members of The Firm will always have different perspectives and after dismissing William and dad Prince Charles as trapped by the monarchy, Harry was persuaded by Kate to take the first step and she went up to Harry to suggest he have a heart-to-heart with William and their father, then she stepped back; Harry felt nostalgic being back home and it's a work in progress -- Harry made headway with his grandmother as well as he and Queen Elizabeth had a private meeting and spoke for three hours and seeing Harry's face made her smile again and Harry loves his grandmother very much and he's promised to bring his kids back to England later this year and he wants the Queen to spend quality time with them

Page 31: The Home Birth Brigade -- Who needs hospitals? These fearless celebrity moms opted to welcome their babies in the comfort of their own homes -- Ashley Graham, Eva Amurri, Hilary Duff, Gisele Bundchen, Gigi Hadid

Page 32: Kim Kardashian: Billionaire Bachelorette -- months after officially filing for divorce Kanye West, Kim is majorly ready to mingle -- Kanye's miffed that fans think he's the one who got dumped when he simply let her file first

Page 34: Not Boyfriend Material -- celebs share tales of dates gone bad, and guys who definitely didn't deserve a second chance -- Patricia Arquette, Mindy Kaling, Jenny Slate

Page 35: Awkwafina, Emma Watson, Kelly Clarkson

Page 36: For Mom -- for Mother's Day, express gratitude to the No. 1 lady in your life with the perfect gift -- Naomi Watts cofounded the ONDA Mama Box

Page 40: Entertainment

Page 48: Parting Shot -- in honor of Earth Day, Alison Brie kicked off the second year of the Planet Oat Project by planting trees at Rancho Sierra Vista -- the 38-year-old also took to Instagram to bring awareness to the wildlife restoration initiative, noting that a startling three million acres of trees in California have been destroyed by recent wildfires

[folktalesandmythsandlegends]

Seleme and Dionysus

So one day Zeus, the king of the Olympian gods, visited Earth and he saw a drop-dead beautiful woman named Semele. Zeus is all like "I have to have her" because Zeus can't control himself. Ever. So he changes his appearance so Hera, his wife and Queen of the Olympians won't find out and keeps it a secret. So Semele and Zeus start to see each other, and everything is great, until Hera finds out about this. Hera, being the jealous wife/sister of Zeus decides that her honor is ruined, and she's so angry that she's out for blood. She has to destroy Semele at all costs. So she disguises herself as a mortal woman. Not just any mortal woman, she is a handmaiden to Semele herself. Hera becomes BFF's with Semele. She does her hair and nails and helps pick out her outfits and likes all her selfies. Of course, Hera is one of the few Olympians who actually thinks about what to do and had formulated a plan. She wanted all the details on Zeus and Semele's relationship.

 So one day while doing each other’s nails Hera asks Semele, “Do you think your boyfriend actually loves you? I heard a rumor he was actually Zeus, is that true?” 

So thinking that they are great friends Semele says, "Listen, Zeus totally loves me. He loves me so much that he promised to do whatever I ask of him to do. He even played that Ain't No Mountain High Enough song for me and it was so romantic. I guess you could say it's pretty serious." 

Hera thinks to herself "Yes! My totally evil plan to defeat Semele and get back at Zeus is going to be better than I thought! I am so awesome and beautiful." So she goes back to Semele and says that if Zeus would do anything for her she should ask him to show off all his awesomeness, the same way he did when he was dating, Hera. And Semele thinks it’s a great idea. 

So Zeus comes by later and is like "Hey babe, how's it going?"

So Semele says everything is great. So later when they are going on a romantic date at the local drive-in movie theatre Semele says "Hey, do you remember that sacred oath you said about doing anything I ask you?"

And he's all like "Sure I remember. What do you want? Do you want to be Queen of Greece? Or more servants and money?" And she says "No. I want to see all your awesomeness the exact same way you did with Hera." Zeus doesn't want to, but because he promised her, he agreed to show off all his power and awesomeness. He has strobe lights, a disco ball, a fog machine, confetti, there was loud music playing in the background. It was too much awesomeness for Semele so she screamed, burst into flame, and died. Zeus knew he was her baby Daddy though so he grabbed the baby she was six months pregnant with, and sewed him into his thigh to hide him from Hera. So Dionysus grows and when it's time for him to be born, Zeus took out the stitches. He then called Hermes over and said "Hera's going to be so ticked if she finds out Dionysus is still alive. So take him to his Aunt Ino and her husband. And to make sure he is super protected makes him look like a girl." Hermes is like "Kay." And does what Zeus said.

Eventually, Hera finds out that Dionysus survived, and she is super ticked. Like ten times as ticked as Zeus thought she would be. She was so ticked that she made Ino and her husband totally crazy. So Zeus took Dionysus and made him a goat. He gave goat Dionysus to some Asian nymphs to take care of, but Hera found him again and made him crazy times 10. So Dionysus is walking around all over the Mediterranean world in places like Egypt and Syria doing these awful crimes like murder and theft when he runs into Rhea, a great goddess, in Phrygia and she makes Dionysus better and forgave him for the bad things he did. She made him the leader of her cult and gave him oriental clothes and an ivy wreath to wear. And he did wear it and never changed. Ever. He taught everyone how to make wine from grapes and how to farm with yolk and ox. People joined his cult, and everyone was happy.

Well most everyone. This dude named Lycurgus, a King of Thrace did not like Dionysus' cult so he didn't let Dionysus sit with him at the plastic’s table, and imprisoned his followers. Dionysus did not like that, so he made Lycurgus so crazy he thought his son was a grapevine that needed pruning, and he murdered his son by chopping off his arms and legs. So the moment Lycurgus' son died he realized what he had done. But Dionysus was not done. He made all of Thrace barren for such a long time that Lycurgus went to go see an oracle. The King was all like "I must have ticked off Dionysus a lot. What do I need to do to make Thrace lush again?" The oracle responded, "You need to die, idiot." So because the king didn't want to die he tried to keep it a secret. And naturally, because it was a secret, everybody in the kingdom found out and they all killed him. It was a mass meeting of 1-800-choke dat hoe. 

So then Dionysus went to Thebes, and a profit told the King Pentheus that if he had to do all the religious rites for Dionysus. If he didn't, then all the mothers would tear their children's arms and legs off and decorate the woods with the limbs. Pentheus' own mother would kill him that way. But Pentheus didn't believe him. So Dionysus arrives, and the party doesn’t start till he walks in. So everyone in Thebes is having a party and doing the Dionysus cult thing, and King Pentheus gets word of that. Now Pentheus is really angry. He goes around yelling at everyone and saying that he thought Thebes would have had to be taken by force of an army. “It would at least be more honorable than this!” 

So he’s ticked off and demands that Dionysus be captured to determine if he is a fake. But Pentheus’ bros tried to change his mind, but it just made Pentheus even angrier. So his guards went out to try to find Dionysus, but they couldn’t find him because everyone, EVERYONE was too turnt, so they grabbed one of Dionysus’ priests because the guards were afraid to return to the king empty-handed. 

So Pentheus roasts Dionysus in front of the priest when the priest decides to tell Pentheus the story of how he met Dionysus. 

“It’s like this.” He said. “I was a pirate on a ship when the ship got stuck? So me and my crew spent the night and the next morning we woke up and we were thirsty so we went to go look for water, right? So then this dude wearing purple just shows up on the beach! So my crew got together without me and said “dudes I think this guy is a Prince! We could make a fortune if we sold him!” Right? So they go ashore and this guy is high or turnt, or almost asleep so it should have been easy to chain him right? Wrong! No matter how they tried to put the chains on they kept falling off. They were seriously tripped up by this. But somehow they got him on our boat, and I saw him and was like “This guy looks like a god, and that thing with the chains, he has to be a god.” So then I was yelling at my crew like “Dudes, this guy is a god for real for real! He even looks like a god, and you can’t see that? You might have captured Zeus, or his bro Poseidon, or Zeus’ son Apollo, fools! We can’t take him, ya’ll are trippin,” but my captain was like “Nah bro, you’re crazy just make like Miley Cyrus and Do Your Thing, and we’ll deal with this guy. This dude is rich, not immortal, but the gods must have sent him here to make us rich, you know what I’m saying?” 

“So right then the dude wakes up, and is like “Where am I, how did I get here?” But the captain was like “You can hitch a ride with us. Where do you want to go?” So the dude said, “My home is on the island of Naxos.” So the captain was like “Lit, we’ll take you there.” But I knew that this fool was lying, so I didn’t do my job. So the captain made someone else steer the ship. So we are sailing when Purple dude says “Wait we’re not heading towards Naxos! How could you? I came out to have a good time and honestly, I’m feeling so attacked right now.” Then the ship stopped right there, like no movement, like it was dead. So we’re sitting there when suddenly homie points to the sail because there is a grapevine growing, but with vines of ivy growing and a bunch of other fruit and everything was getting covered and then it started to smell sweet, and the deck started to get covered in wine, and everyone was terrified, I mean terrified. We all looked at the purple dude who was really angry. He had on a wreath of ivy and grapes and was shaking a pole called a thyrsi that was covered in ivy and grapevines. Then all these animals appeared out of nowhere by his feet. Like a lynx a tiger and a panther. Then Yogi bear showed up and he was angry, and the dude was too. So he changed into this huge lion and killed the captain. So now everyone is running around trying to find a way to get away, ‘cuz this was some messed up stuff. They were tearing away vines to try to get to the oars that wouldn’t move, when their hands turned to fins, straight up! So they are all trying to jump overboard now, and as soon as they hit the water, BOOM! They were dolphins, for real! Nineteen of my bros became nineteen dolphins. So the young dude turns back into himself and was like “You’re cool, so I saved you. By the way I’m the son of Zeus, Dionysus.” So that was that, and since then me and my Immortal bro Dionysus are tight. And we get more mortal followers all the time, straight up.” 

Pentheus was ticked off. “YOU CAN’T SIT WITH US! Take him away and beat him up, then kill him for that stupid story!” 

So the guards were preparing his torture and saying to each other that they needed to let him go, when suddenly there was an earthquake, and the door opened and the chains fell and the priest walked out with a fog machine blowing smoke behind him. So the guards ran up to Pentheus and told him what happened. And Pentheus was like “Am I the only one that can do things the right way?” So he goes out and starts stalking Dionysus and all his followers on Facebook and Twitter, and Tumblr, and Pinterest, etc. He wants to know how Dionysus gets all his followers and friends. So he is looking at the likes and spying on them in a tree because he had gotten so mad at hearing the hysteric songs and shrill screams. He keeps looking and watching, trying to figure out how to defeat this “boy” when his mother sees him in the tree. She gets so mad at the fact that he is spying on all Dionysus’ followers and watching them do their rites and rituals that she takes out her iStone 11 and calls her friends to help her chase this boar that is destroying the land. So Pentheus runs like a mad man, but the women are so much faster and they catch him and cut off his hands. Pentheus starts to yell out to his mother in a desperate attempt for her to recognize him, but just like Lycurgus before her, she didn’t recognize her own son. He begged her, but she said the last words Pentheus ever heard. “This trophy of the hunt is mine!”  So she cut off his head and put it on a thyrsus and scattered his body everywhere. Later at the party, she realized what she did and showed everyone. They were so afraid, but Dionysus had taken over their kingdom and everyone was happy. Well except for Hera who was angry that Dionysus could turn people to dolphins and make mothers and fathers kill their own children. Everywhere he went she tried to stop him by punishing everyone else, but she never directly punished Dionysus. Dionysus continued on his road trip to get more followers. He even went back to Naxos and married a girl named Ariadne. On one of the last of his travels, he went down into a Burning Ring of Fire, also known as Hades, or the underworld. In the underworld, he found his mother Semele, who he renamed Thyone. He brought her up to Mt. Olympus to live happily ever after. 

The version of this myth was taken from Mythology and You: Classical Mythology and Its Relevance To Today’s World by Donna Rosenberg and Sorelle Baker

Notes

Some versions of the myth cite Semele as a princess of Thebes, some not only say she was a princess but the daughter of the founders of Thebes, Cadmus, Prince of Thrace brother to Europa, and Harmonia, who was the daughter of Ares and Aphrodite. A scholarly analysis of another version says Semele could have been a priestess. 

In other versions of the myth, after the “second birth” of Dionysus, instead of giving Dionysus to Ino and her husband, Zeus had Hermes give him to the nymphs of Nysa where he stayed until manhood. Another version says Dionysus was given to Ino and her younger sister Argave who eventually betrayed Dionysus. Ino was punished, most likely by Zeus, by making her go mad and jumping into the sea with her own son where they were saved by the sea nymphs and stayed forever helping sailors.

In another version of this myth, when Dionysus made his way to Thrace, Lycurgus still opposed the worship Dionysus was leading, insulted, and set out to capture Dionysus. However, Dionysus retreated to the ocean only to return later and defeat Lycurgus. As punishment, Dionysus  imprisoned him in a cave until he went mad and realized Dionysus was a god whence Zeus struck Lycurgus blind. Lycurgus died soon after.

Almost every version talkies about the pirates who captured Dionysus, but it varies on how. One version says that Dionysus hired the Pirates after retreating to the ocean from Lycurgus and coming up on the wrong side. Other versions say he was taken while conscience and cocky and others say he was fast asleep when captured. One aspect that remains consistent is the fact that Dionysus was going to be used to get money either via ransom or sold into slavery in Egypt or other lands and at least one person objected to this arguing he might be a god. All versions have Dionysus making the sailors go bonkers.

The “Asian Nymphs” are most likely from Persia or Asia Minor which is modern day Turkey. This is my own educated guess based on the idea that, according to the myth, he wandered in that region.

Some versions have Dionysus travel as far as India.

After leaving Nysa a version of the Myth has him travel to Crete to grant Midas’ wish to turn everything he touches to gold. Chronologically, I am uncertain as to when Dionysus granted Midas’ wish, but the myth of King Midas does have Dionysus grant the wish. 

Naxos, Thrace, Thebes, and Phrygia are not close together and on a map this is clearly seen. Ultimately, this was the reason I choose to start my Greek Myths with this story. We can see the sphere of influence that the Hellenic world had on the the surrounding area and get a better idea on how large the Hellenic area is even if the majority of the myth only takes place in the Aegean.

Yellow-Thrace

Red- Thebes

Purple- Naxos

Blue- Phrygia (slightly more south east than placed but unable to be seen from the above map.)

Sources Referenced

D’aularies’ Book Of Greek Myths by Ingri and Edgar Parin D’aularie’s

Mythology And You: Classical Mythology and Its Relevance To Today’s World by Donna Rosenberg and Sorelle Baker

Mythology: Timeless Tales Of Gods and Heroes by Edith Hamilton

Tales Of The Greek Heroes by Roger Lancelyn Green

[artificialqueens]

Katya and The Space Barbie 3 (Trixya)- Squeaky

Katya and her new crew leave the Mother Ship in search of a home planet. But life in the galactic isn’t always fantastic.

They watch in silence as Mother Ship explodes. Or does it implode? Katya never understood the difference. Either way, it’s all gone. Ka boom. The only way Katya knows how to cope with the death of her birth ship…is dark humor.

“At least she went out with a bang. That’s how I’d like to die- with one last hot bang.”

Alaska only sobs and buries her face into Katya’s shoulder. Katya is glad there’s no alcohol on the Sputnik because Alaska would no doubt be space wasted by now.

“How many people made it out?” Trixie asks, somehow the voice of reason. “Do we know?”

As if to answer their question, Ru’s voice comes on the intercom: “Good morning to all ten remaining earthlings. That’s ten more than zero! Remember- if you can’t love your species, how the hell is any alien going to? Congrats to Katya Zamolodchikova, Alaska Thunder, Detox, Miss. Fame, Phi Phi O’Hara, Roxxxy Andrews, Willam Belli- oh, god, how did Willam break out of jail?- Courtney Act, Visage, and me. I know what you’re wondering…is it true? Can a goddess like RuPaul really be a mere mortal?”

No one was thinking that.

“The key, ladies is confidence, and my new face cream, which is available for a limited time only in a QuestBuy near you.”

Alaska sobs harder, burying her wet cheeks deeper into her neck, while Katya rubs her back. Trixie gives Alaska a firm shoulder squeeze.

“Now, your final mission is to not only find a home planet but also a suitable space partner to carry on our human legacy. Seeing how -despite the probability- only woman survived the crash, you must find viable sperm. That’s the easy part. Sperm is a dime a dozen, but home planets, ladies, are in short supply. If- I mean when you find a safe one, press the ‘EJACULATE’ button under your chairs.”

Katya looks underneath. How did she never notice that was there?

“The button will send out a homing beacon. If you have any problems, ideas, or words of wisdom, please contact Mother Ru. I’m always here for you.”

There’s a static pause as someone buzzes in over the intercom.

“Hey, y’all this is Willam. Aight- the plan is that Courtney, Phi Phi and I are heading over to the Milky Way. We gonna see if Earth’s still, like, a thing. I was just wondering if-”

“Except you. You can choke,” Ru cuts her off. “To all the rest of my lovely ladies, good luck and don’t fuck it up.”

Then there’s silence except for Alaska’s sniveling. Katya sits there as debris from Mother Ship floats past. Wow, they’re so fucked there’s not even any words to comfort her comrades. Katya’s never loved her home. She was raised an orphan. Bullied mercilessly at the Academy. Graduated with all failing grades. Then she became a low life retrieval pilot. Now it seems that it all meant nothing. All Katya has is her ship, an ex alcoholic, and a defective sex doll.

Humanity’s future looks…bright?

“Legacy” Alaska spits and beats her fist against Katya’s chest. “Who’s going to remember our name? We’ve got nothing- no fame. No money. No food but freeze dried fruit. No hope.”

Katya shakes her shoulders: “Get it together, woman, we’re going to pit stop for food, and then we’ll find a home planet. Maybe even stop by and get ourselves a sperm donor. We can still repopulate the fuck out of the world. You’ll be like a modern day Eve, Alaska.”

Alaska wipes her cheeks and nods. They look up at Trixie, who’s now cradling her original box like a baby. Her lips are parted as she lovely gazes down at it. Fuck, has she cracked already?

“I want to meet my maker.”

“Wait? What?! Death is not the answer, Trixie. Step away from the light-“

“I mean my manufacturer.”

“Oh…but why?”

“There must be more toys like me, Katya. I have to free the Barbies from their sex slavery. Or at least know who is it that made me? Did they mean to give me consciousness?”

“Aren’t you from a discontinued line?”

“According to my last owner, they stopped producing us. Was he lying? Who knows. But I’ve been looking at my box and here,” Trixie points at a small label. “I think this right here is where they made me.”

“No offense, but…what’s the point?”

“What’s the point of anything, Katya? Look, either you take me to free the plastic race or I’m hijacking this ship,” Trixie snaps, raising her voice. She’s got that look in her eyes that she sometimes gets. Alaska jumps to her feet and roughly shoves Trixie back-

“Oh, no, dolly. Katya is the only one here licensed to operate an aircraft, and while I know you can probably breathe in space…we ‘pathetic’ humans need oxygen.”

Trixie grabs Alaska by the throat and squeezes: “Yeah? Want to test that oxygen theory out, ‘Lasky?”

Katya pushes them apart and then pulls them in for a group huddle. They need a plan, and they need it now.

“I know we’re surrounded by space waste, but let’s not become a waste of space.”

Trixie groans and looks like she wants to choke Katya.

“Listen. No, really, listen! I may not be the Captain you wanted, but I’m the Captain you have. I’m anxious and riddled with doubts. Do I think we’ll succeed? Probably not. But you’re going to buckle the fuck up and get ready for the ride of a lifetime…because that’s what matters.”

Alaska gives her a side eye. “Really? It’s the ride that matters? What’s next- our home planet is the friends we made along the way?”

“No, buckling up is the important part. You know how many people die from not wearing seatbelts? That’s how Alaska died in Finding Alaska, Alaska.”

“Stop reading trashy teen novels.”

Katya makes a rude hand gesture, pulls down a screen, and writes with the tip of her finger in glowing green-

THE MASTER PLAN

GET FOOD. YUM.

VISIT TRIXIE’S FACTORY. FANTASTIC.

FIND SPERM DONOR.

FIND HOME PLANET.

EJACULATE.

Trixie edits it-

THE MASTER MISTRESS PLAN

GET FOOD. YUM.

VISIT TRIXIE’S FACTORY. FANTASTIC. FREE BARBIE RACE.

FIND SPERM DONOR. DEAD OR ALIVE.

FIND HOME PLANET.

EJACULATE. PRESS THE BUTTON.

They move aside to give Alaska room to edit the plan, but she just shakes her head. Katya’s heart twists. Where’s the Alaska that she knows and hates? She and Trixie bicker over where to get food from, but, finally, they decide to eat back in Booberella since that’s where Trixie’s factory is located. Two targets eliminated with one missile.

Katya types in the coordinates, puts the ship into hyper drive for the night, and goes to brush her teeth. Everything she knows and loves might be gone…but at least her teeth are still as white and shiny as stars.

Trixie strips down. Alaska slips into her bathrobe. They all pile up in the bed together, and they’re clinging together not for sexual desire but for comfort. If it’s the galaxy versus them, the galaxy’s kind of kicking their ass right now. Or maybe that’s Trixie trying to kick Alaska under the sheets.

Alaska sniffles and doesn’t kick back.

“I’m scared,” Alaska admits as she rests her head in the crook of Katya’s neck. “I had a job and and a home. Now…I don’t know what I’m supposed to do.”

“Join the existentially troubled club,” Katya quips as she strokes Alaska’s hair.

Trixie whines and nuzzles up closer to Katya, searching for comfort. All their limbs are intertwined beneath white sheets. Katya can’t tell which parts are plastic and which are human. All she knows is that they’re all on the same ship now. Literally.

“We’re going to be ok.”

“Sounds fake,” Trixie grumbles. “Faker than me.”

“You’re real,” Katya sighs.

“Aw, gee thanks, Jiminy. Am I real boy?”

“Shut up,” Alaska hisses, and Katya groans at the misplaced kick. Who knew sharing a bed with two sexy blondes would be the least sexy experience of her life?

Alaska becomes unbearably clingy. She follows Katya around like a lost puppy. She sits where she sits, watches intergalactic cable when she watches, and just doesn't leave Katya the fuck alone. Since her therapist Max is inconveniently deceased, Katya types on her blog-

Dear Internet,

I have a vampire named Leech-ass-ka feeding off my nips 24/7. She needs constant reassurance and love. I don’t have either.

Trixie keeps teasing me, and it’s unbearable because I’ve not yet sunk low enough to fuck in front of Alaska. Yet. Give me a couple more days of this nonsense and that’ll change.

Today, Trixie crawled over to where I was monitoring the controls and spread herself across my lap. I was strapped down, and the feeling of her thick ass against me…oh god, I can still picture how she looked in that pink, crop top. Breasts bouncing, back arched, thick thighs jiggling in response to the turbulence.

I ran a hand up her soft, rubbery skin and squeezed. Trixie laughed and rubbed herself back against me like she was auditioning for the part of an ass-tronaut. Fuck, her whole body is out of this galaxy.

I was so wet it was unbearable. We hadn’t fucked since Z-Day. I could only try to press her closer and closer to me, but she kept pulling away as I squirmed underneath her. 

Then Alaska was like- “Hey? Anyone know what channel ‘Baby Legs Cop’ is on?" 

Trixie left me there flushed and desperate to go help her.

TBH? If I’d known Alaska would cock block me like this, I’d have let her for the zombies.

-Horny and Thorny Katya

“Something you want, Captain?” Trixie whispers as she comes up behind her. Katya swipes down her diary entry/erotic fan fiction, cheeks burning up.

“To fuck you in peace.”

“Piece of what?” Alaska interrupts.

“Peace,” Trixie says with a flirty wink and wave. She flounces off and leaves Katya biting at her nails.

I’m such a piece of horny shit Katya thinks as Alaska babbles about her research into Booberella’s booming Plastic Surgery industry. Katya ‘uh huh’s her way through the conversation. Behind them, Trixie’s slips her panties off, bites her lip, and leans down, slowly, to put them away. Katya leans forward to see Trixie has transformed the alien flatness into familiar, wet folds. Katya wants to squeeze her face between Trixie’s thighs- what does she taste like?

“Do you think you could, uh, mind the board? Gotta pee,” Katya lies as her toes curl in her boots.

Alaska raises a brow: “It’s on autopilot.”

“Well, monitor the auto so it keeps…piloting.”

Katya tugs on her uniform collar.

“Are you trying to get rid of me, Katya Zamolodchikova?”

“No,” Katya coughs. It’s a good thing she’s not a professional poker player because her ass would be zapped.

“No, no go ahead. It’s fine. Fine I’ll just babysit the monitor and drink the motor fluid to get drunk. It’s cool. Go ahead and make out with your talking vibrator. Then we’ll zip down to meet the Wizard Of Oz, get her a real body, get you a pair of balls, and find me a donor heart. Fan-fucking-plastic.”

“I heard that, you snake!” Trixie yells. “My people have been oppressed by that kind of narrow mindedness for too long.”

“Too long? You were made yesterday. Your people are all boxed up, and you’re nothing but-but a cosmic mistake.”

Trixie stalks forward: “Y-yeah? I bet you were a mistake too. Bet there was a hole in the condom.”

They’re right up in each other’s faces now, and this is not the kind of blonde on blonde action Katya wants to see.

“Defective dildo!” Alaska spits.

“Alcoholic asshole!”

“I literally got drunk once, you basic barbie bitch.”

“Ohhh, nice alliteration, but guess what? You’re still illiterate. Otherwise, you’d read the rejection written all over Katya’s face.”

Alaska gasps, tearing up, and stammers, “T-take that back.”

This has gotten to CODE RED. It’s past the stage of terminate, and Katya doesn’t know what to do with her mutinous crew.

Katya coughs: “Is this a bad time to mention that there’s a strict no murdering policy on board the Sputnik? I don’t have any money to clean blood stains-”

“Fuck off, Katya,” they say in unison.

Maybe their problem is that they’re a little too similar. Or maybe they both want this ass. If Katya wasn’t worried about the potential ship damage, she’d be flattered. Still, this whole bickering routine had gotten old.

“Guys, please. To quote the late William Shakespeare, ‘we’re all in this together.’ Trixie, you can’t kill Alaska- the human race is officially an endangered species. Alaska, you can’t kill Trixie. No, you literally can’t kill her cause she’s immortal as far as we know. So give me your hands. Good. Trixie, release that fist. Alaska, put down that box cutter. Ok, now, let’s all ask ourselves…what would Ellen Degeneres do?”

Alaska snatches her hand away, grabs a pillow and sheets, and goes to sleep in the corner of the ship. Katya’s secretly pleased they get the bed to themselves, and then she realizes that’s shitty. Ellen Degeneres, the patron saint of queer women, would never be ok with kicking a friend out of bed.

Katya sits down next to Alaska and strokes her back. Alaska jerks away from her touch.

“I’m sorry, Lasky, for trying to get rid of you. When the plague breaks out, you’re allowed to use me as a body shield.”

“No, I get it. I’m a burden. Shoulda just left me on Mother Ship,” Alaska sniffles. “It’s just that you have Sputnik and Trixie has her whole “free the Barbie Race” cause, but what do I have? I really do…feel like a waste of space. I keep calling Trixie a mistake, but, maybe she’s right. Why am I here? Clearly, you two have each other. But me?”

“Listen, Alaska,” Katya says firmly. “We need you as our navigator. There’s nobody who’s studied the four dimensions of this universe like you did.”

“…accurate.”

“And we wouldn’t be us without you. You’re an essential element in this equation. ”

“Spoken with all the wisdom of a chemistry dropout,” Alaska giggles and wipes her face. She kisses Katya’s cheek and goes back to the main bed.

Crisis averted.

When they cuddle up though, Trixie’s hand is possessively curled around Katya’s waist like she’s waiting for a counterattack. The pressure of Trixie’s fingers sinking down into her hip makes Katya bite her bottom lip. Alaska moans in her sleep and rolls to face the wall.

“We shouldn’t,” Katya whispers even as she spreads her legs. It seems her brain and body aren’t communicating properly. The connection’s been severed. Katya blames Trixie’s electric touch for overheating her whole system.  

“Should,” Trixie decides as she lifts her knee to rub it against Katya’s wetness. The bed squeaks. Katya stifles a moan at the motion. Her face is flushed at the possibility of getting caught.

Katya buries her face into Trixie’s shoulder and nods. Oh no, this is fifty shades of fucked up but it’s also…classic Katya.

“You like this. Don’t you, Captain?” Trixie taunts in her ear as she rocks her hard knee between Katya’s soft thighs. Her panties are dripping. She can feel the wetness of her arousal soaking the material when Trixie rubs against it.

Trixie’s lips brush against her ear: “Shhh.”

Katya tries to stay quiet even as her breathing starts to grow ragged. Her pathetic panting is going to get them both into trouble.

“Mh, not so loud now,” Trixie teases as she slips her fingers into Katya’s panties. Alaska rolls around again in her sleep. Katya involuntarily whimpers as Trixie presses a finger inside her. She’s aroused by the possibility that Alaska could wake up any second and see her in this humiliating position. Katya buries her face into her neck as Trixie buries another finger inside of her. Then presses the vibrate option, and Katya’s naked toes curl. Her back arches. Her eyes flutter.

“I-I c-can’t,” Katya whimpers, cheeks flushed with exertion. Hard as she tries the noises keep leaking from her parted lips. Trixie rubs her fingers against that spot, stimulating that spot.

“That’s it, Captain,” Trixie presses and inserts a third finger. Katya’s so nice and full. It’s the brush of Alaska’s naked thigh against her own that pushes her over the edge.

“T-trixie,” she gasps. Her thighs tremble as she cums around Trixie’s fingers. Katya gasps in pleasure as she spills all over the still vibrating hand.

But Trixie isn’t done with her yet.

Trixie pushes Katya’s head under the covers, and she’s more than happy to obey. Katya pushes up Trixie’s white nightie and kisses her outer thighs. They’ve never taken advantage of Trixie’s female settings because the orgasm takes longer, but Katya loves the sight of her. She buries her face between Trixie’s squishy thighs and licks her. She takes like…sugary syrup. Katya thanks the manufacturer for the sweetness.

Trixie tugs at her hair, and Katya loves being used like this under the covers. She loves the perfumed scent of Trixie, and the wetness of her against her tongue.  

Katya gasps as Trixie’s thighs tighten around her face. Trixie cums silently as Katya licks her through the orgasm.

“So nice” Trixie mumbles as Katya snuggles against her soft chest. “How much longer do we have to keep up this secretive sex til we get there?”

“Mh, arrival time is tomorrow.”

Trixie pauses and then repeats what Alaska said last night- I’m afraid.

“Don’t be,” Katya reassures her. “I’ll be right here and whatever we find, whoever it is that created you, it won’t change anything. You’re still Trixie. You’re still you.”

Trixie, eyes sparkling like stars, cups Katya’s face and pulls her up for a soft kiss. Katya deepens it as she winds her fingers through Trixie’s blonde hair. She hopes Trixie can still taste her own syrupy sweetness on Katya’s lips. They pull back, breathing hard, and then Katya re-snuggles between Trixie’s soft breasts. Can this be my home planet? Right here?

The universe is vast and her home ship has been destroyed, but, for a moment, Katya doesn’t feel so lonely.