#this dynamic is just catnip to me i guess

[werehorsebite]

somehow all my favorite ships involve a beautiful kickass hero with the prettiest eyes & some guy who is also a kickass hero but in a distinctly pathetic wet cat kind of way

[lazzarella]

I always go absolutely bananas for romances with an element of the private self revealed. And I guess, to an extent, that's every romance because that's part and parcel of forming an intimate relationship, but when it's only you get to see this, only you bring out this side of me, only you unravel me, it's like catnip for me.

And when it's an upbeat sunshine-y character??? So. Good. We don't see that as often but I think it's extra delicious to me because so many people around these characters don't notice there even is a façade to break through.

And that is why I'm so obsessed with Faifa and Wine already. Because Faifa may be able to break through Wine's walls, but Wine is breaking through Faifa's without even trying. And it's not just how he takes Wine to the rooftop where he goes to be alone (!!!) but the way he's not quite as 'on' when it's just the two of them. And mega kudos to Junior's acting for showing the differences there.

This is a mess, but I just... ahhhhhhh! I wish I could write better but I love this dynamic so much and I love them so much already!!

(And on the topic of bringing out a different side: the way Wine gets so assertive when Faifa is doing something that may hurt him??? Absolutely brilliant.)

[bigcats-birds-and-books]

Books of 2024: October Wrap-Up.

Gr8 news: I am no longer very far behind on my NaNo prep reading!! I had to drop JUST LIKE HOME (reread) and HOUSE OF LEAVES, but I got through the rest of my Haunted House and/or Aliens and/or Parasite/Fungus TBR. Here they all are!

Photos and/or reviews linked:

SHRIEK - ★★★★ I think SHRIEK Is my favorite volume of the Ambergris trilogy, taken as a whole--the one-way conversation Duncan was having with Janice was a really neat narrative choice, and then the reveal in the Afterword's Afterword was, in true VanderMeer fashion, mind-blowing.

FINCH - ★★★★ I was actually surprised by how much I liked this one. It helped me figure out a LOT about what kinds of power dynamics I enjoy in borderline-dystopian fiction, and what intrigues me most about limited agency. It wrapped the story up almost too neatly, for a VanderMeer, but I did still have a good time and blitzed through it quickly. Given this one and SHRIEK, I'm counting the Whole Series as a Four-Star read--I'd like to reread it someday, now that I know what's going on.

LEECH - ★★★★★ (reread) STILL ONE OF MY ALL-TIME FAVES, OFFICIALLY!! It's very gothic and heavy and fucked up, but it does FASCINATING things with POV, and worldbuilding, and storytelling frameworks. PLEASE check the content warnings, but if none of those are hard no's for you, definitely pick this one up. I suspect anyone for whom Animorphs was a Formative Influence will adore this (but so far my sample size is really only 1)--please prove me right.

A HOUSE WITH GOOD BONES - ★★★½ This was fun! Not my favorite Kingfisher (that award still goes to HOLLOW PLACES), but I had a good time--I laughed, I squealed over vultures, I blasted through pages to get to the end.

STARLING HOUSE - ★★★★ Alix E. Harrow always manages to write exactly my catnip, somehow. Maybe it's the ADHD, but I'm constantly finding connections to my own writing projects in her work, and STARLING HOUSE was no exception! I liked that this one was more modern, and the sibling dynamic was precious, and I love weird sentient houses where space is more of a suggestion than a hard and fast rule. I'll probably reread this one for Driscoll purposes!

WOODWORM - ★★★½ So much rage in such a tiny volume, and I was Absolutely Here For It. I don't tend to read much lit fic, but I do try to read a lot in translation, and I thought this one did very cool stuff with Spanish--the prose felt natural in English, but I loved the linguistic details the translators left in Spanish and how much depth that added. I feel like this one might be a good fit for Carmen Maria Machado fans, too.

HOW TO SELL A HAUNTED HOUSE - ★★★ Call this a low 3, from me. It was Fine, I guess. I liked what he did with the act structure (labeling parts as stages of grief was very cool), and I liked the family dynamics and history, but a lot of the humor didn't land for me (I got a few sensible chuckles, but a bunch of it wasn't funny), and the "oh this author is A Man, huh" moments made me roll my eyes (seriously: Who thinks about their ~breasts~ when an angry taxidermied squirrel is clawing down your shirt?? No One With Breasts, Mr. Dude). This book did at least teach me that I'm not really interested in gore (it's just boring, unlike body horror, my beloved). I might still pick up HORRORSTOR, but I probably won't look into most of his other stuff, if this one is indicative of his general style. Meh.

THE ART OF EXCESS - No rating (didn't read the whole thing). At the end of ALWAYS COMING HOME, Richard Powers mentioned this book as the reason he finally committed to ALWAYS, so I was curious what this Tom Leclair dude had to say about it back in 1989. I had a heck of a time tracking down a copy (it's very out of print, and my local library had to source it from the Library of Congress for me), but I didn't want to buy it to read just the preface/intro/epilogue, because I haven't read any of the other texts he analyzes. Leclair's style was very readable, and I was intrigued by his framework, but I found some of his conclusions eye-rolly, given his sample size. I posted this one because I think Library of Congress books are fun, but I didn't add it to my Goodreads.

BLACK TIDE - ★★★½ This one had me rolling my eyes in the first couple chapters, and I was afraid I wasn't going to like it, but once Fucked Up Shit Started Happening, the momentum really picked up and didn't stop--I blitzed through it way past my bedtime on a school night. It was fucked up and weird and tense and bloody pull-no-punches horror, but it ALSO made me laugh, and I loved our two fuck-ups surviving the apocalypse together. NOTE: Dogs (and Gulls) Are Not Safe, and the cast is small enough that it matters a lot :( if you can't stomach animal harm/death, skip this.

A HALF-BUILT GARDEN - 81/338 pages read; will report back. Enjoying it so far! Glad I put it on my NaNo prep reading list, though not quite for the reasons I planned--the reflections on motherhood as well as parenting outside the binary have been interesting, so far (and that's relevant for my own haunted house endeavors!). A much gentler ride than BLACK TIDE, and the immersive tech reminds me of Murderbot's world, just Earthbound.

Overall! Fabulous month for reading! Anytime I think "wow I need A Break™ from writing or life," this is the type of reading I mean--where I can spend a couple weeks annihilating books within a day to Refill the Words Reservoir.

Under the Cut: A Note About ~*★Stars★*~

Historically, I have been Very Bad™ about assigning things Star Ratings, because it's so Vibes Heavy for me and therefore Contingent Upon my Whims. I am refining this as I figure out my wrap up posts (epiphany of last month: I don't like that stars are Odd, because that makes three the midpoint and things are rarely so truly mid for me)(I have hacked my way around this with a ½). Here is, generally, how I conceptualize stars:

★ - This was Bad. I would actively recommend that you do NOT read this one, no redeeming qualities whatsoever, not worth the slog. Save Yourself, It's Too Late For Me. Book goes in the garbage (donate bin).

★★ - This was Not Good. I would not recommend it, but it wasn't a total waste or wash--something in here held my interest/kept my attention/sparked some joy. I will not be rereading this ever. Save Yourself (Or Join Me In Suffering, That Seems Like A Cool Bonding Activity).

★★★ - This was Good/Fine/Okay/Meh. I don't care about this enough to recommend it one way or another. Perfectly serviceable book, held my interest, I probably enjoyed myself (or at least didn't actively loathe the reading). I don't have especially strong feelings. You probably don't need to save yourself from this one--if it sounds like your jam, give it a shot! Just didn't resonate with me particularly powerfully. I probably won't reread this unless I'm after something in particular.

★★★½ - I liked this! I'll probably recommend it if I know it matches someone's vibes or specific requests, but I didn't commit to a star rating on Goodreads. More likely to reread, but not guaranteed.

★★★★ - I really enjoyed this!! I would recommend it (sometimes with caveats about content warnings or such--I tend to like weird fucked up funny shit, and I don't have many hard readerly NO's). Not a perfect book for me by any means, but Very Good. This is something I would reread! Join me!!

★★★★★ - I LOVED THE SHIT OUT OF THIS, IT REWIRED MY BRAIN, WILL RECOMMEND TO ANYONE AND EVERYONE AT THE SLIGHTEST PROVOCATION (content warning caveats still apply--see 4-star disclaimer). Excellent book, I'll reread it regularly, I'll buy copies for all my friends, I'll try to convince all of Booklr to read it, PLEASE join me!!

[amellderiva]

is solrook your otp? does that mean you don't ship or support them with other characters?

Oooh, interesting question!

Short and concise answer: no and no.

Very long answer, because I like to yap a bit too much: not no because I don't ship it (duh :D), but because I rarely have OTPs in the traditional? sense; not in the "I only ship these two together, everyone else scram" kind of way. I almost never stop shipping the individual parts of a pairing with other characters, and I have very few hard nos when it comes to ships (though I guess that depends on the attitude you pair with your hard nos), and I really enjoy throwing totally random characters together at a wall to see what sticks.

I became a solrooker mostly because I've always found Solas fascinating (admittedly more so after the reveal, as everything just clicked into place in such a satisfying way after that), Rook hit a sweet spot with their characterization that I hadn't felt since Hawke, and their dynamic had so much bite to it, for a lack of better word, that it genuinely overshadowed my Rook’s actual romance in the game. I'm also a sucker for both enemies to lovers and soulmates (derogatory)/narrative foils/reflecting back your worst traits to you (but in you, I'll learn to love them) dynamics. Add to that the very kind, very receptive corner of the fandom that was just starting to form when I finished playing, and it all aligned pretty perfectly. (Also, I was always very vocally against the idea that Solas would only romance a female Lavellan. That framing sort of dominated his shipping landscape for the last decade, perhaps understandably, but with Rook, there are no such restrictions, and I looooove it.)

That said, before I became a solrooker, I really, REALLY enjoyed Solas/Dorian (and still do!), not just because they're both great characters, but because I've always been a little surprised that Solas isn't more intrigued by Dorian in the game. I mean… Dorian should be fucking catnip to him!!!!

You're telling me that Solas, wisdom/pride incarnate, mr. "are you certain you experienced time travel?", isn't all over the guy who actually HAD a hand in making time travel a possibility? Who pulled off said time travel with an amulet and like, five minutes, tops? Who got the Inquisitor and himself out of a pretty chilling alternate reality and still managed to drop a dramatic one-liner at the end?

You mean to tell me that Solas wouldn't be fucking fascinated by someone who walked away from the comfort and power of his birthright because the means to claim those things felt wrong to him on a personal level? Who came South to be himself, got called out (rightfully!) for his cultural baggage and instead of getting defensive, took it in, learned from it, and actively tried to be better? Who wants to go back to the very place that hurt him just so he can make it better for the people there?

And that in turn Dorian wouldn't be a little (a looooooot) intrigued by this standoffish, overconfident hedgemage who always seems to have the answers to every question they have? From "the Fade," of all places?

Nah. I don’t buy it.

Dorian SHOULD BE CATNIP to Solas, a drug he can't put down, and if neither of them is romanced, they're fucking. Sorry, Bull, I love you, I do, imo you’re very cute with Dorian, but I think even you would see it.

Sorry for the insanely long answer, anon. This probably isn’t what you expected, but I just realized I haven’t checked the Dorian/Solas tag in a while, lol. Be right back.

[makimacult]

assorted stuff i read — jan-may 2025

been planning to make a recap post like this if just for my own reference for a while. anyways, this has been kind of a weird reading year for me... i've read a lot of danmei, finished very little manga (apart from serialised stuff i'm following) and reread a couple of faves. mostly i've just been reading stuff that appeals to my id (i dont mean that as a diss. i love a book that will match my freak) but i hope i'll be able to get through more non-fiction as the year continues.

the list till now:

americano exodus — park ji-eun

the winter prince — elizabeth wein

lady midnight — cassandra clare

thousand autumns — meng xi shi

devil venerable also wants to know — cyan wings

married thrice to a salted fish — bi ka bi

i can do it — jiang zi bei

immoral sex — anthology

captive prince & prince's gambit — cs pacat (reread)

the game of kings — dorothy dunnett (reread)

1. americano exodus — it's a pretty long webtoon about a magical girl boy who has to pretend to be a girl because of convoluted fantasy politics reasons and also presumably the author's own kink. messy storytelling at parts, but the abusive dynamic between the protagonist and his mother was very well-executed. the art and fight scenes are great, it's got well-developed female characters and lots of whump for our main guy. im ngl towards the end it felt obvious the author wanted to wrap it up quickly; the plot got messy but the emotional threads were satisfactory. it'll be catnip to people who like sexy evil moms and forcefem.

2. the winter prince — i came into this expecting one thing and got something else entirely. so i've been an arthuriana head since i was... 9? and read roger lancelyn's greene's king arthur. and i knew the winter prince was about mordred, but it also melds together elements from welsh myths (specifically the mabinogion iirc). it takes all these influences and does its own, very remarkable thing. it's about mordred and it's about familial abuse (in general, and also specifically incestuous abuse) and trying to be better than the monster everyone thinks you are/is trying to make you into. excellent prose, some of my favourite first person pov, a very well done creeping sense of dread.

3. lady midnight — i would not have read this if it was not for @iridescentscarecrow 🤧 (take responsibility!) and im grateful they told me about the dark artifices, bc i haven't read cass clare since i was in middle school and ended up pleasantly surprised by lady midnight. i think it helps that the emotional core of the book — to me, at least — is about the blackthorn family. it's very indulgently ya, but it's good at what it does, i liked all the tropes and the way they came together. it's like a comforting predictable meal, still delicious and kind of nostalgic.

4. thousand autumns — i literally inhaled all the volumes one after another. i'm kind of surprised by thousand autumns' rep for being... boring? too heavy on politics? because precisely my favourite thing is how connected both yan wushi and shen qiao are to the world around them, how their ideologies form their personalities and therefore result in their clashes against each other. this was just such satisfying wuxia — great fights, heartpounding descriptions, aura farming off the charts, and to cap it all off, a tense enemies to strangers to friends to estranged to ??? to everyone-thinks-we're-lovers relationship. i'm so fond of this book, it really is a treat. with that said, there were some plot points i kind of eyerolled at, even tho i did get what they were aiming to build towards... so while i do love thousand autumns, i guess i have minor quibbles with it. i'm excited to see how meng xi shi's writing develops in peerless.

5. devil venerable also wants to know — this book is a comedy and a clever metanarrative poking holes at narrative conventions and tropes (specifically found in web novels) and it's also freak4freak liege lord/his right-hand man yaoi. and it's got such charming side characters. dvawtk is fun and funny and at 81 chapters, pretty short! i liked it a lot and binge read it in one afternoon.

6. married thrice to a salted fish — i wanted to like mtsf so bad, and i actually do love a lot of elements in it. i like how ruthless the main ship is, i love our petty protagonist, the kind of guy who'll take a life for an eye, i think its a creative take on transmigration tropes, but something i did not like was how... unthreatening the antagonists felt. i think its to showcase the appeal of the main ship being a power couple? but i like to see my power couples struggle. mtsf felt flat to me; i'll try to revisit it when the official tl comes out and see if my opinion changes.

7. i can do it — it's an e-sports danmei, about professional league of legends players. the author is so good at writing interpersonal interactions that are funny, awkward and feel so real. im ngl it feels like... a sports anime with a canon yaoi main storyline built into it? i have never played league of legends in my life and do not plan to it, but the author writes the matches so interestingly... and putting aside the structure, the romance sidesteps all annoying senpai/kouhai, idol/fan cliches by making the protagonist have friends, interests and a life apart from his admiration of the love interest; and their romance ended up just being really sweet with enough umm... brat taming? to keep things interesting.

8. immoral sex — yeah this is a yaoi anthology with three dark short stories; i specifically loved doku to sex by harada (if you've read harada before you know her mixture of psychological horror and unrepentant filth), but the other two stories were pretty fun too. cw for noncon, incest and monsterfucking.

9. captive prince & prince's gambit — i actually have reread the whole capri trilogy before, i think this might actually be my third reread? literally have nothing to say except maybe a nuclear fujoshi event happened inside my mind. i feel like capri gets an outsized rep for debauchery bc a lot of people outside the... 2010s slash idfic sphere read it? anyways. gotta love fiction where the author is just unapologetically constructing scenarios to explore their kinks with their barbie dolls.

10. the game of kings — honestly reread this because i was pushing @ciaran into reading it and wanted to refresh my memory... i feel like this has to be one of my fave books ever. i ended up rereading the whole thing over a day and a half and it felt like i had a comfortable warm bath. i love how unapologetic dorothy dunnett is with her style. i feel like i could be given a paragraph of her writing mixed in with dozens of other snippets and still be able to identify her. love the ensemble cast, the incisive multiple perspectives, the shenanigans, the politics and plotting, the family issues, and of course... the legend himself. i'm probably gonna reread it and gush about it again in a year lbr.

[cyclogenesis]

im so curious what drew you to ryan reynolds was it an immediate upon watching thing or did it develop through time. honestly you've just about convinced me to also be weird about him

I love this question anon, yes please make me explain myself 🥲 I also have been looking at myself like "what are we doing over here guys" for the past few months so it's fair to ask. Doing the fic commentaries recently has reminded me that I really missed just writing down my thoughts Livejournal-style, so. In this essay I will, but it's actually going to be an essay (no, I'm serious) and I in fact will. 😭

I left DP&W thinking I was walking into a Hugh Jackman phase but instead we got home and rewatched Wolverine: Origins and then DP1 and Ryan's big brown eyes and murder twink smirk/sad boy journey enchanted me irreparably. And I absolutely had seen both of those movies before! And thought he was hot, you know, and liked him as an actor dating back to I think Blade: Trinity (which is a masterpiece if your qualification for a masterpiece is Ryan Reynolds shirtless and shackled to the floor. and that's my qualification for a masterpiece. can someone please gif the horny parts of that movie I Need them). I think probably the fact that he was a co-writer on DP&W is what tipped me over because writing talent is tremendously hot to me but also I don't know. You know? Sometimes the hyperfixations make sense and you're like of course, this is catnip to me, I am physiologically inclined to roll around in it, and other times you're like this? This? Are we sure? And the dopamine gremlins running around in circles in your skull are like "yeah! yeah! yeah!" and you gotta just be like okay. Alright, I guess we're gonna think about this and giggle a lot.

But I've had many an actor crush and few of those have resulted in deeply sincere RPF. So I went looking for Ryan/Hugh fic after watching a little bit of stuff with the two of them and being like oh there is a Dynamic here. And there wasn't much so I just kinda kept reading Wade/Logan but also like watching/rewatching Ryan's older stuff and looking at Ryan/Hugh things until like...

Just, okay. Here are a bunch of facts: The story is that Wesley Snipes and Ryan had disagreements on the set of Blade: Trinity because Ryan would ad-lib lines a lot and Wesley found that annoying. But Ryan's talked before about not actually being an ad-lib guy really - he just comes up with different things for his characters to say and like keeps these options back of mind while working, which is interesting. And the thing about the character of Hannibal King in that movie is that his like first line is about liking older men. And then for the rest of the movie he just gets beat up a lot (awesome!) while making these gay little comments like an aggro murder twunk. (Masterpiece.)

And then - then - he wrote the entirety of Wade's lines for Wolverine: Origins! Of which there are famously few, so they had to count. And I guess that's why one of those lines is about how if they get stuck in that elevator, all of his fellow team members are going to fucking gangbang him. Girl, are you good. 😭

Just wild to walk away from that and then spend the next several years working to get real Deadpool onscreen so he could continue to play and eventually write this bisexual-ass character, complete with all the horny Wolverine references even as he's locking Hugh down into a common law friendship marriage. I'm too lazy to grab the source but there's this one interview where Hugh talks about how he was filming in Atlanta one year (2018? maybe?) and had no plans for his birthday so Ryan flew down to Georgia from New York to take him out for a steak dinner. Like...like. I don't know. I'd do crazy shit if I were rich too, but. I mean. I don't know, I had to learn about this and now you have to deal with it too. GOD.

Listen, I don't really know how friendship works between men. I don't know what the hell boiling in the societal stew of toxic masculinity and compulsive heterosexuality does to a man's brain. I just think it's interesting to be really close friends with a guy for almost two decades, dreaming all the while about getting to work with him again, finally convincing him to do it, and then proceeding to co-write a script where your character flirts constantly with his, the two of you get to pounce aggressively onto each other over and over again in an extremely confined space in the most fighting as a stand-in for sex scene I've ever seen in my life, and then at the end your characters basically get a Happily Ever After.

And then you can't wait two fucking seconds before writing another project so you can work with him again, like!!! Am I making this up?? Am I tripping balls over here??? God!!!!

Have they tried kissing? Just to see what it's like??? Like at what point is it more awkward not to?

Jesus. Okay, I'm fine. Anyway, as I've said before, I walked out of DP&W asking myself and everyone else the question: Does Ryan Reynolds know it's legal to just be bisexual? And I still kind of think the answer is no. Somebody needs to tell him.

I also (and this is somehow more embarrassing than all of the preceding paragraphs, believe it or not) have a lot of sympathy for him - a guy who, I recognize, has a pretty great life! and does not need my sympathy! - because he's clearly really sensitive, in this way that has me like, oh honey no you don't have to respond to people picking on you, you're never going to convince them to be fair to you because they don't want to be fair to you. I have had bad times in my life where some people (strangers!) have just been fucking desperate to dislike me - to mischaracterize my actions, to deliberately misinterpret things I say, to belittle my work - and I am so familiar with how defensive that can make you feel, like if you just explain where you're coming from well enough you can make these people see that you're a human being just like they are, that you can make them understand. (And then quit picking on you. Because it sucks when people are mean.)

In a lot of understandable ways Ryan is so guarded but then also just this raw nerve! It almost seems like he's gotten more delicate as he's gotten older which is incredible. He makes his vulnerabilities so apparent in this brutally sincere way. I feel like usually when celebrities get shirty about something they sound like assholes but Ryan just sounds pleading. Like, the sort of desperate way that he talks about the movies he's been in that he knows are bad, because if you get out in front of it then it's like haha! You can't tell me I was in bad movies because I said it already! So it won't hurt my feelings now if you say they're bad!

I don't know, again it's just like I get it! It was a hard lesson for me to learn that some people are just never going to like you, and it's often going to be for completely unfair reasons that are based more on their own projecting than on anything you've actually done. It's frustrating as fuck. And if it is for things you've done, even something as morally benign as being in a bad movie, you have to let everyone know you're aware of it so they can't strike first. It's a lot to carry, that insecurity that no matter how successful you are, and how many people like you - maybe the assholes are right. So if you can convince them that they're wrong, and they're being unfair to you, maybe you can convince yourself too.

(Sidebar to explain myself because I have obviously been hurt before um lol: As a fic writer I approach characterization the same way whether it's media fic or RPF - I look at the canon, which in the case of RPF is interviews/social media/whatever art they make, and I extrapolate character based on what's in front of me. So whether the characters are fiction or not there's always going to be elements of projection/what I want to see as I filter things through the lens of my own experience. Please go ahead and bask in the irony of me, right here, trying to get out in front of any criticism I might get for projecting or being parasocial here or whatever. Sure I am. Guilty as charged. Love me or leave me. GOD lmao)

Also honestly watch or read any longer interview (the Actors on Actors with Andrew Garfield is fantastic, as is this one with Shawn Levy) and it's like immediately clear that he is REALLY smart and thoughtful - I just have to excerpt a bit from the latter sorry -

And going into the movie, we felt we had a lot to prove to Marvel and Disney. It’s the first big Fox property, after Disney bought the studio, to be R-rated. We had to write a movie that was a four- quadrant R-rated movie. That’s a hard thing to do. In order to do that, I’m not a big poetry person, but Keats talks about all the stitching and unstitching you do to make it feel like a moment’s thought. And that’s what is.

"Not a big poetry person" totally has a Keats reference off the dome like okay...but anyway. It's so enthralling to me how much of him is like right there on the surface for longer interviews like these. He's talked about having to put on a character to get through things like junkets, talk show appearances, stuff like that, and he's great at turning on the charm. But outside of that this guy is serious, and clearly feels the weight of various expectations like, all of the time, and puts a ton of consideration into his work and what he's creating.

He wants to make things people like and he wants people to like him and there's, to me, this really refreshing lack of ego in that, especially for someone in the position that he's in. And the people that he's worked with, from co-stars on down, have nothing but good things to say about him. (I read way too much celeb gossip on Reddit and I swear every time some rando hater wants to talk about how they think he's secretly a dick or whatever you'll see at least a couple of people pop up who've actually worked with him or know people who have and every time they're like No actually he's really nice. Great guy. And I knowww it's dangerous to ever believe a famous man is Pretty Good but, you know. Not idolizing, just hornily appreciating. In exhausting detail. I cannot stress this enough: You asked.)

So. Like. Okay. *falls over* Obviously he's been hot for decades (late 20s/early 30s being a highlight, but honestly the grey hair when he lets it happen now works for me baaaad), and his naturally lanky/never too over-the-top muscular body turns me into a slavering feral dog, but I also find him psychologically fascinating and I want to study him in a lab. I am deeply flattered that I've even almost convinced you to be weird about him too because I recognize that I'm reaching new heights(/depths??) of...whatever the hell I've got going on over here. Absolutely a part of this is me clinging to anything that occupies my brain in a positive way after the worst five months of my entire life. (Look at me! I'm like so don't be mean to me please 🥺. Sigh of determined self-acceptance.)

This will continue indefinitely. I'm having a ball in this bitch tbh, I love loving things, especially men with hipbones carved out of marble who look hot when they're sad. Please tell me if I've been in any way convincing. Thank you for asking and I'm not sorry this is so long. I had a good time.

[lostcauses-noregrets]

Lost help 😩😩 A sizable number of eruris also seem to enjoy zevi but I just can't get behind it 😭😭 I don't even get the appeal (can you actually explain it to me like actually actually 😭😭) My dislike for Zeke > content from authors I enjoy 😓😓 Zeke is so cold, heartless, and selfish. Like, his mind is stuck in his own selfmade diy echo chamber 😵‍💫😵‍💫 The Levi of my-own-interpretations wouldn't ever get with someone who doesn't value human life like Zeke. Some people may think "Well, Erwin doesn't value human life either" but we see Erwin suffering from guilt. If he thought of his comrades as anything less than human, we wouldn't see him being burdened by his decisions 😶😶He shoulders the responsibility of his decisions and is keenly aware that his decisions and commands sometimes lead to deaths of many. We literally him standing on a pile of corpses in his own mind 😩😩 If he saw his comrades as mere pawns in his quest for Truth, he wouldn't be affected by any lives lost. Idk it irks me when I see people equating Zeke to Erwin, and I see Zeke and Levi's relationship as hostile more than anything 😵😵

I’m not sure I’m the best person to explain the attraction of Zevi! To say I’m not a fan of Zeke would be the understatement of the century, and I have the #zevi tag blocked on all my socials. Having said that, I can kinda see why Zevi is catnip to some fans. Whichever way you look at it, Erwin, Levi and Zeke’s stories are entangled in canon and Levi and Zeke have a very powerful antagonistic relationship. Not only did Zeke kill Erwin, but he is the living embodiment of Levi’s vow.  That kind of relationship is a gift to fic writers. Added to which, Zeke, he is a really well-written complex character with considerable depth. For some fans it’s just a straight up case of hate shipping.  Hate shipping isn’t my thing, but it’s as old as fandom and I’m not going to judge anyone who is into it.  More often than not in Eruri fics Zeke is a convenient plot device.  He often appears as Levi’s abusive and / or manipulative current or ex partner. (I’ve never been entirely convinced by this scenario, but whatever.) This enables Erwin to ”save” Levi. In some cases he might be the knight in shining armour who rescues Levi from his abusive partner. In others, he enables Levi to see for himself what a piece of shit Zeke really is, giving him the motivation and courage to leave and move on. 

Although I try to avoid Zevi like the plague, I have read a few fics by authors I admire that feature past Zevi. One fic I love, which isn’t past Zevi, but which really gets to the heart of Levi and Zeke’s complicated relationship is When in doubt, use violence by no_tengo_porque Levi and Zeke have a really antagonistic relationship from the moment they meet, however they are drawn to each other for reasons Levi doesn’t initially understand. I won’t spoil it for anyone who hasn’t read it, but it’s a really interesting dynamic. 

Comparing Erwin to Zeke makes no sense to me at all though.  They are polar opposites in many ways.  Killing is a game to Zeke, and he actively seems to revel in it at times, whereas Erwin is plagued by guilt over every death under his command. Zeke is egotistical and remains stubbornly convinced that his own plan is the right one, while Erwin sees his own actions in the worst possible light and believes he is a fraud for pursuing his own dream (despite the fact it aligns with Saving Humanity.) They really couldn’t be more different. 

I guess at the end of the day we all interpret these characters differently and we all have our own preferences, likes and dislikes. I dislike Zevi intensely, but if other Eruri authors enjoy it for whatever reason, I’m not going to judge, I just quietly filter out those works and move on.

[convenientalias]

2023 Dramas I Watched in 2023

Cdramas:

A League of Nobleman--Slashy historical mystery drama. I loved all the slashiness and all the intrigue and then in the last few episodes I fell even more in love with the villain. Worth a watch but not my favorite slashy historical mystery of the year.

Mysterious Lotus Casebook--My favorite slashy historical mystery drama of the year! Tho more wuxia than historical I suppose. Bromance and archnemeses and identity porn abound. The identity porn in particular was a special treat for me; a character wandering around all these ppl who care deeply about him or idolize him but all think he's dead is my catnip. (I technically have a few episodes left to go on this one but I'm still counting it bc I am very close.)

Parallel World--YE LIUXI. I did a review of this one here! The short version: urban fantasy and parallel worlds in a desert setting, with a badass amnesiac female protagonist.

The Lady and the Lies--Miniseries, one of those short-episode things that China's doing a lot of now. Involved a cheating husband and a wife out to get revenge. I'm sorry but I shipped the wife with almost every person doing her wrong. She should destroy their lives and also dom them. They're all kind of obsessed with her anyway, in their own way.

Under the Microscope--You ever sit down and say, "Okay, but what I REALLY want from all these historical dramas is to just dig into the tax fraud going on in the background"? Me too, my friend. This show and Long River, which I also watched this year, are all about logistics, bureaucracy, and corruption, and the small man's struggle against ppl in power. That makes them both kind of difficult watches in a way, but also fascinating. I have yet to finish Long River, but this one is an easy 14 episodes and not as emotionally draining, so it was much easier for me to binge through.

Ye Cheng--I must admit I watched this for the pretty people. It's set in a matriarchal fantasy wuxia setting, but the gender role reversal feels a little shallow when the strongest good guy and the strongest bad guy are both men, even tho in theory women are supposed to be the warriors in this setting. However, the role reversal can be quite interesting in some ways--watching the male MC run a brothel as the city's top entertainer, try to use his ~masculine wiles~ to charm the FMC in a way that would be more typically feminine, and deal with the power dynamics of joining the FMC's household. Also, the two leads are just a lot of fun and have a lot of chemistry. The plot is sometimes stupid, but it's still a lot of fun to watch. Also, this was one of just two dramas I managed to finish this year that were mostly romance focused. When you reach the "dropped" section you will see that this is an impressive feat.

Kdramas:

Bloodhounds--I love Woo Do-hwan and I love Park Sung-woong but you know I was here for the ACTION SCENES. PEOPLE PUNCHING EACH OTHER AND SLICING EACH OTHER WITH KNIVES. THATS WHAT ITS ABOUT. I've also written a lot of fanfic about the protagonist and villain at this point but honestly they should have interacted more, we were robbed.

Queen of Masks--The only rich woman thriller kdrama I completed this year. But honestly, when it comes to rich woman thriller kdramas, I've seen better and femslashier. Mine did a better job with the whole "your husband told you the mother of his child was dead, but guess what it's actually me and I'm still alive and here to cause problems" plotline, tho I still enjoyed it here. And the sexual assault aspect... eh. I don't love seeing that kind of plotline in a revenge story; it's such a serious issue (and so much more realistic than, say, "this businessman murdered my whole family to acquire our company" a la Eve) that it kind of makes it hard for me to enjoy the fun of the mystery. But I suppose the way they handled it at least had gravity. My favorite plotline was Hae-mi and her husband and the drama they got into, which is serious in its own way (addiction and lies) but extremely well acted and with so much romantic chemistry.

Revenant--Spooky spooky ghosts and Kim Tae-ri, what's not to like? The possession aspects were creepy without being gory or too terrifying for a wimp like me to handle. The acting was great. And I actually shipped the sort-of-romantic subplot, though apparently a lot of ppl shipped the two MCs instead, which is understandable.

Song of the Bandits--A whole ton of gunfighting and other action scenes. One very badass assassin woman, a dude who is equally capable of taking out a whole squad of soldiers or bandits on his own, a villain with a complicated relationship with the dude above, and a woman spying on the Japanese government who's in a sort of spy love triangle with the MC and the villain. the plot was okay but again I was mostly here for the action!!

Thai dramas:

My Dear Gangster Oppa--This year I tried to watch a bunch of different BL dramas bc I was in that kind of mood but the truth is, it's not the het that gets me in m/f romcoms, it's unfortunately the romcom. Despite that! I persisted and did manage to finish this one. The lead couple was cute, and there was gangster intrigue and action etc to keep the fluff and comedy from driving me insane. still mostly a romance.

To Sir With Love--Also has a BL romance in it but not really a romance drama but a Family Drama with lots of familial plotting, the classic first wife vs. second wife scheming-for-their-children plotline along with what could have been a love triangle between brothers... except Tian is gay, which means the love triangle is null (except he's still engaged to his brother's love interest. which is awkward for all involved.). Also Tian being gay is a Deep Dark Secret. There's a lot of homophobia which might turn some viewers off but I loved seeing Tian's struggle between wanting to come out and having been forced to stay in the closet for so long that he freezes even at the thought of telling people he trusts. Also his mother commits a bunch of murders with terrible poison mushrooms so if THAT'S what you want out of a Thai drama, there is also that. Also he and his brother are. so sweet. and I love them. but also the central m/m romance is very good and involves assassination attempts and identity porn and pining and everything good. Also also this is actually a 2022 drama BUT IM STILL COUNTING IT bc it came out in October 2022 and am I really supposed to get around to watching dramas that fast??

Started and dropped:

Kiseki: Dear to Me--Even gangsters and intrigue could not save me from dropping this romcom.

Our Blooming Youth--This is also a romcom. You may see a pattern here. But to give it credit it is quite a plotty historical drama too. I just didn't really care about the two leads and dropped it halfway through.

Pandora: Beneath the Paradise--A thriller that was going places a bit too wild and frustrating for me.

Killing Vote--Can you believe I dropped this with only four episodes to go? I'm sorry Park Sung-woong, I love you but the plot is just so boring. And it plays at moral complexity while being just. not very complex. Like I swear the morality in this thing is "catching bad guys and punishing them is good, not catching them and not punishing them is bad." We could be talking about police corruption, our MC's terrible ethics, innocence until proven guilty, and so on and so forth, but we were just not going there. Also the twists were doing very little for me and the cops are just not very interesting characters. Again, Park Sung-woong, I'm sorry, you were a decent character but you could not save this show. Let's be real I needed either more Devil Judge here or more Death Note.

Legend of Anle--The romcom element was not helping this show's case but I still tried for 1) wuxia with identity porn and 2) Dilraba Dilmurat costarring with Gong Jun. Unfortunately those two had no chemistry and the plot was just very unsatisfying for me in the political intrigue area. One example: Gong Jun can't find the supplies needed to pacify a near-rioting mob. But that's okay bc Anle's subordinates found it. How did they find the super secret hidden storehouse?? we don't know and will never find out bc it was offscreen and never explained. They just did. this would be fine if it weren't, like, the climax of the episode and presented as a victory of the two MC's brilliance. I can't deal with this.

Naughty Babe--It's. A romcom. I'm so sorry I probably should just stop trying.

Other romcoms I quit too fast to give a fair opinion: You Are Mine, Extremely Perilous Love, My Lethal Man, Taikan Yoho.

Well, there you have it, 2023 dramas I watched in 2023.

Fun as it was, I think in 2024 I'm going to try to catch up more with older dramas lols.

Did y'all watch any of these dramas this year?

[bettsfic]

Ahhh you watch hotd? I would love to hear a little Betts Review™ favorite characters/ships any thoughts like that!!

i like hotd the way i think non-fanpeople interact with media. i enjoy it a lot, i watch it every week, i don't think about it at all when it's not directly in front of me. that's not a bad thing. it's just that hotd is almost too smooth for me to grasp onto. there's a kind of technical acuity to it that i admire a lot but that doesn't engender any feelings beyond being entertained.

if there were maybe an ounce more affection between any two characters i might be inspired to have a ship, but otherwise there's just no love anywhere. like Alicent and Criston would usually be catnip for me, but there's just too much angst, and Criston's internal turmoil of loyalty is just a step to the left of my interests. he has loyalty devoid of devotion, if that makes sense. to me it seems like he only fucks Alicent, he doesn't love her. but i guess that's up to interpretation. if he's ever put in a position where he has to choose between Alicent and his Hand duties, and he chooses Alicent, i'll become way more invested. i need less Hand, more breadcrumbs of femdom/guard dog.

i remember i liked him a lot more last season but i can't remember why. i had a fic idea at some point for an Alicent/Criston modern AU. surely i have notes about it somewhere. but this season hasn't inspired me to revisit that idea.

Aemond is really growing on me, particularly his relationship with uh, that one lady whose name i don't remember. if he starts showing evidence of goodness or redemption, or if his relationship with the lady starts driving his actions rather than spite and ambition, i could see myself really vibing with him. but a lot of this show is wrapped up in spite and ambition and greed and power, and those things are fun to watch but don't really make me feel anything.

i also like Aegon a lot, but mostly because he's being meow meow'd in the plot and i recently rewatched Dunkirk where i like that actor's character far more, and can kind of plant the latter onto the former to trick myself into caring more about him. (and that little "mummy." there's promise there.)

i used to like Daemon and Rhaenyra but the second a character chooses themselves and their individual desires over someone they love, i completely lose interest. Daemon wants the throne. i can't empathize with that kind of drive for power and so i just can't make myself care.

but! i do like Rhaenyra. her desire for the throne is a little more interesting to me because she's seeking peace and not power. it's a real shame that they divided Rhaenyra and Alicent because theirs is the most interesting relationship to me and they also have great chemistry. (spoilers ahead) i think the most engaged i've been all season is their scene together. if Rhaenyra and Alicent ever start working together against a common enemy, and they do it willingly, without a mass of angst, or at least move toward repairing their relationship, i'll be insane about that.

honest to god my favorite thing about the show is that 10-minute breakdown at the end of every episode. i'm very fascinated by the behind-the-scenes stuff because a lot of very smart and talented people are making it and i think there's a lot to be learned there. also i almost always prefer the story about the story than the story itself. i'm saving the behind the scenes series for after the season is over.

tl;dr there's a lot of potential for me to become fannishly interested if some of the things that are being set up come to fruition. if someone has a really juicy modern AU rec for me with any of my go-to relationship dynamics (submissive guard dogs, mommy issues, i'm trying to think of a third thing but that pretty much covers it), i'm all ears.

[woozapooza]

The Wire: The Verdict

Umm

Maybe the real wire was the friends we made along the way

I don’t have a lot to say about this show because, as I have said before, I was usually too busy trying to just keep up with what was happening to have brain cells left over for deep thoughts. As I said in that other post, it’s not really a character-driven show, which is why I could never quite fall in love with it. I would have enjoyed it more if we got to spend more time really getting to know the characters, but it’s just not that kind of show. Regardless, even I can tell that it’s an absolutely brilliant work of art, even if I don’t have appropriately brilliant things to say about it.

Favorite character: Probably Omar? It’s hard to choose, because again, I didn’t get to know most of the characters as well as I would have liked, but I’m such a sucker for the Robin Hood thing Omar has got going on. 

Other faves, in no particular order: Stringer (I missed him soooo much in the last two seasons), Freamon (I love when he does his little wood carvings), Pearlman (ginger <3), D’Angelo, Michael and Duquan (package deal; their friendship was one of the most poignant things in the whole show), Bodie, Marlo, McNulty (I would hate him in real life but he’s so entertaining, plus he’s one of the only characters I felt I truly got to know)

Tentative ranking of how much I enjoyed the seasons: 5, 1, 3, 4, 2

I was going to put 3 lower on the list because I didn't care much about the political stuff, but then I remembered that s3 is when the Stringer/Avon dynamic gets really interesting, and that was one of my favorite parts of the whole show.

I 100% see why Black Sails gets compared to this show so often! I’m considering reviving my Every Show Is Black Sails gif series because of The Wire. The problem is, there are SO many parallels, I wouldn’t even know where to start giffing. I would probably have to rewatch The Wire first.

Speaking of which, for much of the show, I was thinking, okay, I’m glad I’m watching this, it’s really good, but I doubt I’ll ever rewatch it from start to finish because I just don’t think I have the motivation for that. But by the time I finished the finale last night, it had won me over enough that now I think I can see myself doing a complete rewatch one day. I’m sure it REALLY rewards rewatching, more so than the average show.

Getting back to the topic of Black Sails—a story is literally true, a story is literally untrue, as time extends it LITERALLY matters less and less! Part of the reason I enjoyed s5 the most was that the plot was a little more over-the-top which kept my stupid little brain entertained, but part of it was also that the theme of truth/untruth and storytelling really came to a head in the final season, and that’s one of my favorite themes a story can have. I mean, by the end, the operations of the police department, the city government, and the newspaper are all basically untethered from material reality, and most of the characters are aware of this, but they can’t do anything about it, because the story has taken on a life of its own, and what could be realer than that? God, that’s like catnip to me. (Also, Scott is such a funny character. I want to punch him so bad.)

I LOVE that the show ended with a montage. I’m such a sucker for montages. I think all of the last three seasons ended with montages? God I love that. I love montages. Every single time.

You know how when you finish something on a streaming service, it recommends something to watch next? Guess what HBO Max suggested I watch after The Wire? That’s right, The Sopranos! I was soooo tempted to dive right into a Sopranos rewatch. I didn’t, because I’m not quite ready yet, but I think I’m close, because the last few episodes of The Wire managed to distract me from The Sopranos ever so slightly, which helped me to calm down about The Sopranos ever so slightly. I’m not quite calm enough, but I think I will be soon.

I had a dream a few nights ago that I visited a haunted house, and there was a scene in the plot of the haunted house that took place in a high school, and Michael was a performer in that scene. I don’t mean that Tristan Wilds the actor was an actor in the haunted house, I mean that Michael Lee the character was an actor in the haunted house. I’d like to think that that’s canon. Actually, yeah, I just decided that the real canon truth was revealed to me in this dream. After the finale, Michael aborts his career as Omar 2.0 to pursue his true calling as a haunted house performer.

I grade shows first and foremost on my own personal feelings, and I didn’t enjoy The Wire quite enough to give it an A or A+, but it’s simply too good to give it anything below the A range. So, overall grade: A-

[asummersday]

S and T. Any fandom tropes you can’t resist? And any fandom tropes you can’t stand?

S. Any fandom tropes you can't resist?

Unsurprisingly, a lot of these are angst tropes lmfao

One of my faves is the buried alive/buried under a collapsed building trope. ESPECIALLY if it's 2 or more characters and one of them is badly injured.

Hidden gem trope: curse of obedience (you really do write what you like to read i guess lmao). really anything involving curses has a very good chance of dragging me in, its such catnip for me lmao.

On a more lighthearted note, because I do also enjoy things outside of angst, sibling shenanigans and crack fics are so much fun to read. I greatly enjoy fics that focus on sibling dynamics or are more of a "missing scene" or "pre-canon" kind of fics. When there's no plot, just found family yk <3

T. Fandom tropes you can't stand

Im low-key blanking right now for this one lol

I personally don't enjoy mcd or hurt/no comfort. I need my happy ending. I need my little blorbos to be okay in the end absjfjf

Im also not the biggest fan of fics where the character at some point gets an injury that ends in amputation.

One of my top least favorite tropes is brainwashing or loss of identity. Really not my jam

[4th-make-quail]

Ship ask game! Two easy ones for you:

Sartauvoir/Basch and Lyon/Menenius

Ship it - Sartauvoir/Basch

What made you ship it?

HOUGHHHH GOD. Well!! I'd been no-lifing it in Bozja since it came out, but it'd been a while before I ended up seeing much of Sart's fights outside of the abstract ARRGHHH GRAND CROSS GUY!!!! so when I eventually saw Flame and Steel and read his voicelines I was like oh hello, old man?? Old man alert?! So I started Paying Attention. Then ofc Dalriada happened and it was a few runs til I got to go up top for the first time, but then I saw his lines about Basch and was like HELLO???? OH MY GOD???? I was going mental, I was just immediately like this with the Implications man.... The Rammies....

Ofc I'm a slut for an old man and I love tragic ships with terrible people so I was basically just SOLD.

What are your favorite things about the ship?

Old men....... Although Sart wasn't old when they met, so I also love the AGE DIFFERENCE POSSIBILITIESSS!!!! And the height difference..... And that whole super loyalty thing Sart has going on too, it's sooo sexy to me!! Also also the heavily suggestion that Basch taught Sartauvoir a lot of things, like hello?? HOT..... Also I LOVE a one half of the ship is dead situation so it was further Quail Catnip to me lolol

Is there an unpopular opinion you have on your ship?

Honestly it's not a big or popular enough ship that there's much dissent among the ranks of we merry few I think! No opinions that I can think of that anyone's disagreed with me about anyway, but I guess you never know XDD

Ship it - Lyon/Menenius

What made you ship it?

GOD I was sold from their first fucking cutscenes together not gonna lie!! I LOVE their sort of animosity, the push-pull kinda relationship with how insubordinate Lyon is but also how they genuinely do seem to like each other despite that! Also the visual contrast of the two is very pleasing, with Menenius in his full armour and Lyon in basically as little clothing as possible. Feral old man..... Also again yea, old man yaoi par excellence..........

What are your favorite things about the ship?

Oh god, so many things!! I love the power dynamics of officer/subordinate, I love how Lyon is the older one even as he's the subordinate but also how rude and boisterous he is all the time to Menenius' cool, calculating scheming. The way they play off each other, how you can almost see sparks fly! The way Lyon calls Menenius "boy" even tho he's not that many years younger than him!!! Height and size difference again....... The way Lyon is so so loyal as well, how he gets himself jailed at the end because he's so angry that Menenius """died""" (tinfoil hat firmly ON)...... Menenius flashing his little smile at Lyon as he fucking steps in front of that fucking laser to protect him........ LYON ON HIS KNEES CRADLING HIM AND SCREAMING AT THE SKY....... TC I'M SO FUCKING NORMAL ABOUT THEM!!!

Is there an unpopular opinion you have on your ship?

Again, this is a small ship (even tho a lot of people say they ship it, the fandom is tiny - 24 fics, 21 in English) so it's hard to say!! I've never had any disagreements with any friends over interpretations or headcanons so I'm gonna say I don't have any LOL

[gillianthecat]

13 Books I've Read Recently (plus 1 tv show)

I haven't watched any BL since my last post on My Stand In, but I have been reading! A lot of it's been rereading, actually. Here's a list. Hit me up if you want to talk about any of them :-)

You Should Be So Lucky

and several other m/m romances by Cat Sebastian. She's one of my favorite romance authors, with only a few misses for me. I'm loving her recent-ish switch from regency to 20th century historical. I read her newest, You Should Be So Lucky, about a baseball player and a reporter assigned to write a story about him. So good! That inspired me to go back and reread some of her older works.

The Ruin of A Rake

(reread) is a regency enemies to lovers between the titular jaded rake and an uptight social climber, a combination that is catnip to me. Her main characters are all multifaceted and emotionally complex, but she's also very good at creating complicated and real-feeling side characters, even if they're only seen briefly.

Hither, Page and The Missing Page

(rereads) "Cozy" mysteries in post WWII England, in a village and a country house respectively. Both trace the romance between a doctor with PTSD and a spy sent to investigate a murder in the village, so best read in order. For me the romance and the mystery plots are well balanced, though obviously that depends on what you want out of those genres.

I love James and Leo so much. Cat Sebastian generally writes people who are finding refuge in each other, in a way that many call cozy and gentle, but for me she shows the cruelties of the world that they are seeking refuge from in a way that is unvarnished and raw enough that her books never feel fluffy or saccharine to me. The gentleness always feels hard won.

The mystery was the perfect amount of mysterious for me. In my first reading I don't think I guessed it, but going back I could see every step that got there. I don't have the brainpower to get into it now but I liked the ways she treated the idea of "family" and community.

the A Charm of Magpie series

by KJ Charles (rereads). Charles is another one of my go to romance authors, though this was her first series and it shows. I'll just copy my Goodreads review:

Half a star off because this was obviously KJ's early work and the writing is a bit rough around the edges. Another 1.5 stars subtracted for the pretty egregious orientalism. She has become more thoughtful in the decade since writing this, but it's pretty 😬 in this series. I realize that she's invoking the pulp novels of the time, but it was racist then and it's racist now. There are better ways she could have done it.

Other than that, I was captivated by Stephen and Crane's relationship, and the rest of the characters. I also like the magic system! It is a pulpy, paranormal, plot heavy D/S romance, and the story of the relationship is spread out over the trilogy, so if those elements aren't your thing you're not going to enjoy it, but if they are, and you can ignore the orientalism, the trilogy is a thrilling ride. I don't want to get into spoilers, but I appreciate the overarching development of Stephen and Crane's relationship, and the exploration of their power dynamics, although it takes up less page time than the action-adventure parts of the plot. People who work for non-profits/in social services may have a strong reaction to the last novel in particular.

I highly recommend most of her later works. Laws of Attraction fans may be particularly interested in Think of England, the Slippery Creatures trilogy, and Any Old Diamonds.

A Spindle Splintered

by Alix E. Harrow. Nice enough riff on Sleeping Beauty. I didn't dislike it, but I'd honestly forgotten I'd read it until i looked at my Libby history, so it didn't make that big an impact. I pretty sure it's young adult, and while it wasn't immature, I'm just not the target audience. A very interesting use of fairy tales, and some intriguing moral complexity. Lots of pop culture references that actually fit the character and story, though those generally are something that annoys me. I have another of Harrow's novels on hold (Future Witches) which looks more intriguing to me.

Thief Liar Lady

by D. L. Soria. Another fairy tale retelling, this time of Cinderella. DNF, and normally i would list it, but I was really intrigued by the intro, and so frustrated that it was not what I thought it was going to be (spy for the independence movement infiltrates the monarchy by seducing the crown prince with magic). I almost want to rewrite it as what it should have been. Also an example of why 1st person is so tricky for me. It's incredible when done well, but the narrative has to have an interesting and distinct voice. (This one didn't. Harrow's book above did.)

Sunburn

by Chloe Michelle Howarth. So good. An intense queer coming of age novel about a girl in early 90s rural Ireland. This is an example of the first person narration being essential to the story being told. I would imagine fans of I Told Sunset About You and My Beautiful Man would like it. Though it's less of a romance than those, but has that physicality and intensity of obsession.

Sailor's Delight

by Rose Lerner. A regency? 19th century England at least mm romance between a Jewish navy agent (he lends money to and handles the finances for sailors) and his gentile sailor client. Lots of historical details, which is interesting/overwhelming depending on your mood. Incorporated a busybody family in a ay that I actually enjoyed, which is rare for me. Lerner is one of my go-to romance authors, and one of the few I trust for m/f romance, though admittedly I haven't read any of her m/f in a while. It was very good, but didn't sweep me away. That might say more about my mood at the time instead of the book.

If I Never Met You

by Mhairi McFarlane (reread). The sole m/f romance on this list. Fake dating romance between a 36 yo (gasp! Ancient and over the hill 🙄) lawyer who was dumped by her boyfriend for 18 years and the charming office playboy. McFarlane was one of the few contemporary m/f romance writers I remember enjoying. And I still think she's an engaging writer! Kept my attention the whole way. It's very heterosexual gender roles, in the way that the slight pushback the characters give to that framework only serves to emphasize how bound by it the premise of the book is. But her protagonists are compelling characters anyone. They are nominally romances, but generally I find her books to be more about women finding themselves after major life shifts, and as such the male love interests tend to be...not exactly two dimensional, just kinda out of focus, and the chemistry an afterthought. That's true of everything of hers I've read. I did like what we saw of this ML, Jamie.

The main problem with this book in particular is that she's a white author trying to write a black main character, and she is very clumsy about it. Her books are very white in general. Another had an "exotic" half Italian protagonist who was looked at strangely for bringing lasagna to school. Lasagna! White Brits are a strange people. Also fatphobia, as part and parcel of the heteronormative gender roles. *sigh* My favorite of hers I've read is Mad About You.

(Also I side note: I realized I think Alexis Hall's Boyfriend Material might be riffing on this novel in particular? It's not at all the same story, but it contains many of the same elements, remixed—neglectful rockstar dad, free-spirited mom and her platonic? life partner, fake dating for respectability purposes, playboy x upright citizen, lawyers... Anyone else read both and see it? Hall is deliberately a magpie of the romance genre so it is possible.)

Between the Teeth

by Taylor Fitzpatrick (sort of a reread.) This is the last of a trilogy (also called Between the Teeth). Fitzpatrick writes hockey "R"PF except the hockey players are all made up. She writes on ao3, a chapter at a time, so it has the rhythms, intensity, and genre-crossing feel of fanfic even though it's technically not. I love her work, though I suspect it's not for everyone. She's created a whole interconnected universe of hockey players and teams, which adds to the RPF feel. Most of her stuff is on ao3, but she's taken three stories and slightly edited them for publication.

and the TV show...

Scandal (the first three episodes)

I suspect I would have loved this if I'd watched it back when it aired in 2013. I was obsessed with Grey's Anatomy for a while. Even now I'm obsessed with Kerry Washington as Olivia Pope. The genuine power emanating from her! But I'm just not currently able to maintain the suspension of disbelief necessary for the plot contrivances soap opera ridiculousness of it all.

I like her team of lawyers, and am intrigued by each of them individually. Also their office is really cool architecturally. (But how come anyone can wonder into it at anytime? Shouldn't they have keys or door codes or something?! My inability to ignore stuff like this is why I can't be watching soap operas right now.)

Probably back in 2013 I could have gotten into the forbidden romance! between Olivia and the Bill Clinton stand in, but in 2024 finding the sex appeal of the American president is too big an ask. Especially since Grant doesn't seem to have anything else going for him besides the "cachet" of his office, the whiny manchild. I get that the fantasy is that Olivia is so amazing that she has the "leader of the free world" (blech. and yes they literally call him that. multiple times) desperate for her. And obviously there is a lot of drama that can be mined from this secret romance. But she deserves so much better. Maybe he gets more interesting but so far I am bored and confused by him. He's not even interesting enough to hate.

I was surprised by all the emphasis on Olivia and her team being the "white hats" and that what they does helps people. I was assuming they would lean more into the inherent moral greyness/amorality of being fixers for the rich and powerful? Which would be more interesting to me than all this "trust your gut," "we represent people who are telling the truth" nonsense. Maybe the show will get more explicitly morally ambiguous as it goes on?

Also, Holy Slut-Shaming, Batman!!! Every single episode has managed to demean women who have sex, multiple times. It was genuinely shocking/impressive to me. I haven't watched network US American tv in a while, I guess. And nothing as "scandalous" as those dirty, dirty sluts, I guess. (Also, and this is both a minor spoiler for ep 3 and evidence of my inability to suspend disbelief, but isn't the whole reason a madam keeps a list of her rich and powerful clients is to be able to blackmail them into protecting her? How is that the unexpected brilliant solution lol.)

Anyways. Watch for Kerry Washington! And maybe for her team. Just make sure to turn off your brain first.

(Maybe I should have put these each in their own post but oh well.)

[bylightofdawn]

So I bought Into the Spiderverse yesterday and rewatched it and of course, picked up some things I missed first time round like LMAO Miguel literally going 'oh fuck' in Spanish. I'd seen people talking about various ships pertaining to the movie but first time around I didn't really pick up any beyond 'wow evil Miles sure looks like he wants to fuck Miles' which I promptly put into a box and Fedexed it directly back to Hell where it belongs.

Also, for legal reasons, I need to make clear that was a joke. Please tumblr puritans, don't come for my wig.

Actually, no you can get bent but that's neither here not there.

So I knew Miguel/Spider dad!Peter was a thing so I rewatched it and I could see where people were picking up that vibe for sure. But I really liked his relationship with MJ that we've seen so of course polyshipping it is. And AO3 has delivered me some tasty treats in my searching last night. The main, overreaching dynamic being MJ is totally cool with Peter drooling over his broody vampire spider boss but he needs to bring him home so she can check him out and apparently broody vampire spider boss catnip in the Watson-Parker household. I'm sure there's prolly other dynamics out there but I like to think I am a seasoned navigator of the AO3 waters and have managed to avoid anything unpleasant.

I have not dared go out into the Miguel/Peter solo tag just because I am afraid of coming across one of my most detested tropes where someone will split up a canon (het though I guess this could happen in other scenarios too it's just way more prevalent in slash) couple by making the female an absolute bitch or awful or genuinely unpleasant to give the partner a reason to break up guilt-free so they can write their desired slash pairing.

People have gotten more nuanced these days but back in the baby days of the internet this was a popular way of getting around a pesky het pairing and it has left it's trauma on me and 100% makes me froth at the mouth enraged when I see it. And I say this as someone who is clearly a fan of a multitude of slash pairings.

So yeah, I'm happy to say I've managed to avoid it thus far. And instead have come across a delightful plethora of MJ taking a strap to both boys and just...more of this please instead?

[muggycuphead]

Sunday Noon Bloomin – Mods fanconcepts #3

More plant spaghetti weee

Scanner got low on this one, damn-

Kid you not these are really fun to make

Also I know Sky is sort of a sore topic when it comes to the modding community (I originally planned on adding Nu Sky alongside, guess I forgot) but in either way I sort of like her, too bad she got thrown down by the fandom (RIP)

Also yeah she's holding a petal BFlower dropped (my concept of it is basically like the vegetal equivalent of a hair straw) as a way to showcase her character's obssessiveness (it's OG sky what would you expect lol)

Katni on the other hand was sort of a dilemma at the start, but I ended up settling with catnip as his plant type, mostly as a reference to his personality (catnip is a stimulant for cats, and also good for them to stay active and dynamic -to word it somehow- which is Kapi's whole shtick)

And if you wonder -he uses his tail to tap on the lamppad (ye it a lamp)

Tricky however was sort of a big brain moment for me. My first three ideas at the start were: Frog, centipeetle, and mantis partially; it was until I did further research about it when I took the third one as my pick.

Sunday Noon Bloomin – Mods fanconcepts #4

Updike as cotton plant, of course

He was still a pickle to draw tho (and a personal favourite design-wise)

Also, fun fact -that curvy line that's supposed to be his fringe is actually one of the roots that got inbetween his 'head cotton' to give that same effect as in the OG version

As for Sunday, just went for another bush (a more fleaky one tho bc yeah) as well as I added a small sunflower on top of her because name puns go brr

Also funny stickbug replacing the micholder

Nikusa was kinda funny to do, though it was hard to make her long hair behind her, so I just made it a long sheet of fabric(?) as if it was attached to her headband

Also BeetleTank's just a rolling cartbox with a mini catapult attached to it

Classy

EDIT 21/06/2023: Updated the drawings with rescanned, more clean versions

[veliseraptor]

What’re your favorite tropes, for the ask meme?

ah, this question! my nemesis, only because it is so hard to choose because there are so many, in varying levels of specificity, so whenever I answer this ask (and I have, a couple times) it's less about all time favorites and more about "what occurs to me at that moment in time as I'm answering the ask."

so given that here are some of my favorites that occur to me at this moment in time as I'm answering this ask:

1. Broken idealism. I’ve said before that I’m not a huge fan of corruption arcs, but that’s not quite true - I just don’t think of the thing I like as that. But I am a sucker for stories about people who start out with big dreams and noble ideals and then...break. That breaking can take a lot of forms, though one of my favorites is definitely the “the road to hell is paved with good intentions” one, where a character is taking what seem like necessary steps to a positive end, and then suddenly look up and it becomes apparent that this is all costing a lot more than they bargained for. And they’re not necessarily the one paying.

Varying levels of awareness are good for this one - someone who knows they’re straying into bad waters in the service of something they believed or believe in, or someone who hasn’t realized yet and doesn’t until it’s too late, or someone who realizes early and decides to really lean into it because it’s too late to turn back now. Or even someone who knows starting out that they’re going to have to make hard choices, but not having fully absorbed how hard - or maybe how personal - those choices might be.

Good shit.

2. Sibling problems. If you hadn’t noticed!!! Look I make no pretensions at not looking at dysfunctional, deeply felt sibling relationships and going “oh look it’s my life” but also it’s just a dynamic that has so much potential, so much juicy crunch in it that can be built in. And there’s something about the way people write sibling relationships (or show them) that’s so...tangled, in exactly the way I love my fictional relationships.

Like...I think there is something unique about the way that people write sibling relationships with a simultaneity of emotions - where there’s dozens of contradictory things happening all at once. It’s not hate-to-love (or doesn’t need to be), it’s not rivalry-to-friends, it’s...you love them, you hate them, you envy them, you want to be them, you want to be better than them, you want to be their favorite person, you never want to see them again, best friend-worst enemy kind of mixture that is just catnip to me. And I feel like I just don’t quite get that - at least not in the same way or degree, most of the time - from other kinds of fictional relationships.

But also it’s just kinda personal and I own that.

3. Enduring beyond any reasonable standard. You know that thing where you can’t believe someone is still standing, they’ve gone through a meat grinder of an experience and somehow are still on their feet, the thing where a character is suffering and somehow still mouthing off, that thing? Yeah, I eat that shit up with a spoon. But the form I like it best in, tbh, is when it is understated and unnoticed - it’s the whump trope of someone collapsing seemingly out of nowhere only to find that they’ve been nursing a stab wound for hours. That thing! I’m very into it. Both the endurance itself and the eventual collapse.

4. Performative villainy/villain-by-choice. Have I written about this enough on my blog yet? Yes? Too bad guess I’m writing about it again.

Basically, you know that quote that’s like “every villain is a hero in their own mind?” yeah okay I get what it’s saying but also I love it when actually the villain is very aware that they are the villain and have decided to just fucking go for it. The Captain Flint quote from Black Sails is an example of what I’m talking about, but what’s actually best as far as I’m concerned is a character where the mask almost never slips. Oh, it does, sometimes, and will, eventually, but I want to meet a character when they are putting on a show.

It’s about someone taking a hard look at the world around them, and themselves, and going “okay, fine, I see where this is going” and taking a swan dive into full-blown villainy.

Look, I wrote a fucking essay about this, okay? It’s...somewhere. I thought I’d posted it on the other blog but maybe I just put it on my largely inactive Patreon. anyway if you want me to give you the basic thesis it’s

Performative villainy is about expectations, and living down to them. It’s about looking at yourself, and the stories you know, and saying so be it. When hope of redemption is gone - when there is no faith in the ability to turn back - evil, be thou my Good.

Play the role. At least if you choose it, no one else chooses for you.

5. Twenty pounds of competence containing fifty pounds of emotional disaster. They’re great at what they do. They can do almost anything. They are smart, a capable fighter, whatever - and meanwhile internally their emotional monologue is a whole lot of repressed “AAAAAHHHHH.” I mean, Lymond is a perfect example of this trope, but there’s a few of them - there’s just something very pleasing to me (probably related to 3, above) about a character who looks for all intents and purposes like they have everything together and meanwhile underneath they’re coming apart emotionally at the seams.

And it’s very important that the two are not contradictory! They are, in fact, very good at what they do. Actually these two things are mutually dependent, maybe. The ability to be as fabulously competent is the thin skin preventing them from dissolving into a puddle of emotions! So then you crack that competence like an egg one way or another and see what happens. :D

6. People entangled in a mutual destruction death spiral, or what I described at one point as the trope of “we are all trapped in this cycle of destruction and no one is escaping alive.” I have a weak spot for futility narratives and this is kind of that, but also I just love a good self-destructive/everyone-else-destructive toxic relationship where everything is kinda terrible and doomed.

I mean! Yi City Arc! for all I write fix-its and will continue to do so, the reason I’m so obsessed with it is because of how it turns out in canon.

But just in general mutual destruction death spirals are also a good place for other adjacent favorite tropes like “betrayal” and “obsession.”

7. Villain domestication. I do love a good redemption arc, don’t get me wrong, but I am also possibly even weaker for when there’s not so much a redemption arc as a gradual domestication - I’m not even talking about Villain Decay (as in, there’s worse now), I’m just sort of talking about someone who almost inadvertently trips into being better than they were. They weren’t trying to redeem themselves, and there’s not really one grand gesture or crowning moment of singular redemption, it’s just the day by day alteration of behavior until one day they blink and go HEY WAIT A MINUTE

If you hadn’t noticed me writing several versions of this perhaps now you will. I almost never, I don’t think, write actual “redemption arcs” per se. I’m much more likely to do this. I think it has to do with the fact that I prefer “redemption” as an ongoing process (teshuva!!!) rather than something that occurs in a moment or series of moments, which is sort of typical for a “redemption arc” as popularly conceived.

This is why the original project just fuckin hops over the Redemption Equals Death bit and moves right along to the “now what” bit of surviving your attempted grand gesture of redemption.

8. People coping with trauma poorly. This one...I don’t actually know that it counts as a trope but it definitely keeps popping up for me and I’m going to put it down here because I can - give me characters who are traumatized, have gone through awful things, have suffered a whole lot, and came out of it worse.

Like, that sounds sort of like a joke but I mean it completely seriously? I’m just...like, okay, there’s something about the ugliness of it that just...I deeply connect with. It’s like the opposite of suffering being redemptive or causing growth or ~what doesn’t kill me makes me stronger~ or whatever. It’s about bad coping mechanisms.

This is one of my favorite things about Felix Harrowgate tbh, but...yeah. if people have been like “stop using their trauma to excuse their behavior” about a character then I probably love them, because sometimes that is the point.

Not to get personal again but like. Maybe people who are kinda awful are still deserving of love actually and their suffering isn’t a moral imperative that makes anything better?

9. Resurrection, but bad. Give me characters who die and come back and it sucks. Comes Back Wrong is probably the thing people do with this generally, but I actually am more invested in it as a source specifically of trauma - the worse the death was, the better. The unhappier they are about being alive again, the better.

I don’t know why but I’m very into it, hits me in an emotional sweet spot.

10. Enemies to lovers and/or enemies to enemies-with-benefits. They can go from hatefucking to regular fucking, they can continue the hatefucking indefinitely, they don’t have to fuck at all, but lord give me antagonist/protagonist relationships where there is spice. I want them to try to kill each other. I want them to be obsessed with each other. Keep your friends close and your enemies closer. So close you can kiss them.

It’s funny because I’m actually like -10 interested in rivalry-to-lovers things, which, well, seen some takes calling that enemies-to-lovers but the okay version and no, it’s not, that’s a different thing, but when you up the ante and add some attempted murder, I’m there. 

As I’ve said before: if your OTP doesn’t try to kill each other at least once then what’s even the point.

let's stop there since 10 is a nice round number. but I could keep going. this isn't even getting into the really, really specific ones that pop up sometimes, that I can't necessarily call to mind on command but they surface and I'm like "oh hey, very specific trope that I love, there you are again."