#this fic is my response to many of your posts such as: 'why don't we know the cyberlife ceo' 'wheres embracing the computer within'

[novantinuum]

jen's "Hard-Light Hybrid Steven" headcanon dump

Okay so I'm just making this its own post, because frankly at this point... the original post is so hard to get all the pulp out of due to the headcanons being spread over multiple reblogs and half of it being in the tags.

So here we go. Self indulgent headcanon time. This is how I'm now personally interpreting things within the realm of my own fic work and the post-canon storylines that live in my mind. This is NOT, however, a work of meta- I am by no means suggesting this to be what I see as "canon," only having some fun playing around with ideas I think are cool on a speculative fantasy anatomy level. Take it as you will basically, lol. This is ultimately just for me.

With that stated:

"jen what the fuck do you mean when you say hard-light hybrid Steven, what are you even suggesting"

Essentially I am proposing that Steven becomes progressively more hard-light based in form as he ages. When he was born he was two almost entirely separate halves mashed together- organic and gem- and those two halves slowly but surely merge over the years (hard light replacing organic matter) until one day they are literally inseparable, and Steven is one permanently cohesive being... entirely hewn from hard-light, but with a level of anatomical complexity that still makes him a complete anomaly amongst Gems and humans alike. Instead of the innards of his body being solid light, he is still formed of cells- only now, those cells are entirely hard-light.

His gem is somehow mimicking the form of organic matter with a level of detail that's absolutely unobtainable by shapeshifting or tailored reformation alone. Steven has become the single most complex hard-light system to have ever existed.

Some more specifics on how I imagine this merge working:

Much of the "merging" is natural over time, basically his gem branching out new bits of hard-light circuitry within his body as it integrates within his system.

However, this process is sped up significantly by all the spills and injuries Steven deals with throughout his childhood... because his body's instinctive response to injury is simply to replace damaged cells with hard-light analogues. An almost instantaneous patch job.

Steven's component halves being so distinct early on is a large reason why he takes so long to harness many of his powers.

This is also why Steven's (mostly) organic half is so weakened during the split in Change Your Mind- at that point there's a lot about his anatomy that's been converted to hard-light, so it's basically as if White Diamond yanked the power source out.

(Same idea for why he's so weakened during the movie when his gem's on the fritz... his gem's connection with the rest of his body got partially severed for a time, which. Is not Good for someone who at this point is more hard-light than not hard light.)

At a certain point post-canon, it becomes impossible for Steven's organic and gem halves to be separated. They are so tightly integrated that attempting to remove the gem would only poof him.

Now, here's the thing though...

Steven does not realize that Any of this is taking place until the blunt reality of his strange new anatomical nature is put on display for all to see... when he actually DOES poof.

Here is how (in my own post-canon musings, which I have simplified here because y'all don't live inside all the intensive lore that jangles about my brain) I envision that taking place:

So, Steven would be in his mid to late twenties at this point. He's married to Connie, and they have an infant son.

Recently, there was a fairly severe Gem incident that left Beach City and Little Homeworld pretty damaged. Things are still being mopped up from that.

Steven, Garnet, Amethyst, and Pearl head out on a quick mission one day to intercept one of the last few supporters of the Gem who attacked the Crystal Gem's hub of operation, and at first it seems like it's gonna be a straightforward trip.

Then, Steven sees the Gem in question pull a destabilizer wand on Garnet, and- unwilling to watch her to get ripped apart like that again- throws himself in between. He can take it, he thinks. These things never hurt him one bit as a kid

He cannot take it.

He poofs.

His gem unceremoniously falls to the ground, along with the clothes he was wearing and whatever he had in his pockets.

Cue the others going "what the actual FUCK" because based on everything they've ever witnessed and known about him no one had "Steven poofs" on their bingo card.

The insurgent Gem is captured and dealt with, but now... oh, boy. There's literally no playbook for this. Nobody knows what to expect.

Steven's gem is quiet for WEEKS. During that time, the Gems end up consulting the Diamonds on Homeworld to ask for intel on diamond reformation, but none of them are much help- Rose and Steven are the only ones who have actually poofed. Beyond them, this is completely unprecedented.

In a very vague sense, Steven is aware of what must have happened during this time... (even if a part of him wants to deny it, because How???)

He can pick up vague snippets of what's happening just beyond his reach... catching voices and what must be faint sensations of familiar people handling his gem, but beyond that he has no awareness of the passage of time, and he has no means by which to reach out to them mentally.

It takes almost two months for him to finally reform. When he does, his gem quickly shifts through its previous three forms and then just... outright h a n g s for a while on the new one... as if what's trying to "load" up is so complex it's goddamn buffering.

(my brain can only think of This image uyhjfsdbyuhjfg)

No one really knows what to expect but when he finally reforms, he... looks mostly the same? Still rather human in appearance, externally? The only notable difference is that his irises are pink now. (But with no diamond pupil- not unless he's going Full Power Mode.)

Steven also reforms WITH an outfit much like a Gem would.

The second he's back, he runs to embrace Connie (who is sobbing in relief) and asks how long he was out.

And he did NOT anticipate that answer to be two months.

As it turns out, he missed quite a few baby milestones while he was gone, and he feels horrible about it- it's not his fault of course, but he feels so bad that Connie had to go that long without his support, and that there's all those special "firsts" with his son he'll never get to experience.

This whole incident marks Steven's final "retirement" from participating in real combat- he outright tells the Gems to not involve him in any other combat situations unless the whole ass planet is under threat, basically. The potential risks are just not worth it now that he knows how long he'd be out of commission, should he poof once more. He can't put his family through that again.

Now, with all that outlined...

Ways that Steven is Weird now:

He looks rather human- his hair looks like hair and his skin looks like skin- but after he reforms, literally every "cell" of his body is fashioned out of hard-light.

However, if one were to theoretically slice him in half (which I PROMISE I am not going to do, this is only a thought experiment ahahah-), his internal anatomy would glow much like the Gems' do. (See below image for what I mean.) The "human-like" appearance of his skin and hair and other externally visible features does not extend very deep.

He "bleeds" pink now- but it's only surface, and is all just excess hard-light. No real blood.

His body would no longer show up on a radiograph- just the gem.

Many of his anatomical features (not all of them, though) are now vestigial in certain ways-? Like, various functions have overtly been taken over by his gem... he doesn't need to breathe or have any lifeblood beyond light pumping through his system, so his heart and lungs serve no necessary purpose anymore... but all of these organs still "exist" as like an echo of what once was, perfect mimics of their organic form but hewn from hard-light.

That being said, Connie enjoys the reassurance of his heartbeat, so he retains that function while conscious.

(Not to mention, "breathing" is literally just a habit for him by this point.)

HOWEVER, when he sleeps (another thing he technically doesn't Need to do but does anyways) his breathing and heartbeat stops entirely and it kinda spooks Connie out. The literal only evidence she has that he's still kicking during these times is the soft hum of his gemstone.

He does not have a biological NEED for food or water anymore and can fully operate on exposure to light alone, but he still really enjoys eating and drinking anyways. In fact, he's still able to absorb energy from food... so it's basically like he's over-charging his battery or whatever. He also still experiences taste (so still posesses some form of taste receptors) and instinctively feels "hungry" at meal times, so like... the running theory is that he must have hard-light analogues for all these receptors and neurotransmitters and hormones that communicate sensations like hunger in his system even though their function is entirely redundant with his gem powering everything.

Furthermore, his memories and sense of self and everything one might refer to as "the soul" is stored exclusively in his gem now. Which means, if one could manage to analyze his brain like one could with a human brain, there would be entire sections that simply... don't light up the way that others (such as the parts of the brain that govern motor control, as an example) do. This is because all the "data" once stored there has migrated.

He can fully shapeshift now, if he wanted to.

He can also still visually "age"- it's all based on his mental state, same as before.

But despite being hard-light in nature now, he can still interface with organics in fusion because his form is still so organic in shape and function. He's still the bridge between humanity and gemkind. I like to think that... theoretically... a Gem might be able to fuse with an organic too, but the sheer burden of trying to shapeshift and maintain such cellular complexity is what stops this from happening.

Steven, though? His very existence as a hybrid acted as a template by which hard-light could learn to understand organic life. He is still an intensely unique being, even IF he no longer consists of any actual organic matter.

_

I am sure I will probably add something to this later, but for now, those are all my musings.

Anyways, thank you for taking a brief visit to the deepest recesses of my brain, where I am chewing at the drywall and bouncing around the room like a cat who has just devoured the goddamn motherlode of catnip. Good night! !! :DDD

[non-stop-imagines]

Repeat That

From this request!💖

Pairing: Max Verstappen x Black Content Creator!Reader ( Halle Bailey face claim)

Word Count: ~8.1k words w/ smau

Warning: Smut (slight fingering, thigh riding, p in v), a little oral fixation, Soft!Dom and protective Max, reader going into a subspace, Max punches a guy, my American description of driving, mean comments, Twitter Environment, mention of food it's also pretty cute 😘 Minors DNI!!! 18+

A/N: I knew I had big plans for this fic but I didn't expect this big. I absolutely loved this request when I got it and I wanted to put as much care into writing it as they did coming up with the idea. Anyway, I hope you guys enjoy, because as always I enjoyed writing it! Love you all!💖💛💖💛💖

Masterlist

maxverstappen1

Liked by landonorris and 301,872 others

maxverstappen1 Mine ❤️

babygurlyn tagged

View 3,910 comments

rbrhypetrain This was not on my 2023 bingo card, but I can use the free space ✍🏼

babygurlyn I don't even have this many good pictures of me. How???

>maxverstappen1 When your girlfriend is as beautiful as you are, you get a lot of opportunities to get good pictures

landonorris I would like everyone to know that Max posted this 3 months into dating Yn. He means business

babygurlyn

Liked by redbullracing and 90,274 others

babygurlyn Because he posted me and I think he's pretty too 😍🥰😘 No one tell about me posting the last pic 🤫

view 429 comments

redbullracing We think he's pretty too ❤️😗

>seb4ev I think Max better watch out for the Red Bull admin, I just can't figure out who they're trying to flirt with most of the time

maxverstappen1 😐 > babygurlyn Who told?!

mercgirly Okay but I think Yn is the only person that has pictures of Max that make him look really pretty and like good for her

hateruser I doubt Max actually likes how Yn acts It's just so immature

   Max has grown fond of non-race weeks since he started dating you. Your mindset was that "Weekends are for having fun, not working", something that you would pout about early in your relationship whenever he would go train or agree to meetings on non-race weekends. But now, with two weekends off, he's using one to stay at home, currently driving on his sim but the true purpose of his presence was to be at your beck and call. To be there for you to talk endlessly too, to help you with stuff, to be filmed for your YouTube channel, anything. And he was happy to be there to do it. 

   "Maxie, are we ordering food for lunch or were we planning to go out for it?" You pop your head into the room, doe-like eyes darting between him and the screen facing him.

   "We have plenty of food here, my love." He continues the session he was in but pauses it when he doesn't hear your socked feet shuffling away and the faintest whimper come from the open door. "Yeessss…?" He turns his body to get up from his seat and walk over to the door leaning against the frame. You move your body from leaning over to only have your head in view to standing straight up, shyly peering up at him, to which he pushes some locs from in front of your shoulders then tips your head up with a finger. "What is it"

   "It's just, there's a cafe that's doing this special latte art to celebrate the 100 year anniversary of the creation of Disney, 'cause they have this food printer or something that is able to do it and I was hoping we'd be able to go there today." Your rambling was accompanied by wild hand movements that supplemented your words, a trait you've subconsciously picked up from your boyfriend, and as you neared the end your voice tapered off, unsure of what the response would be from Max.

   "Well why didn't you just say so, love?" His voice was a soft, exasperated coo as he reaches to fix your hair again and then uses a hand on either side of your face to make you look at him. All you do is shrug in response, knowing of the short lecture you were about to get. "Baby, first of all, I'm not mad. But didn't we talk about you speaking up more about what you want?"

   "I just didn't think it was that important." You tug at the hem of his shirt. Even with his hands angling your face up towards his, you avoided eye contact.

   "We talked about this…" He bends down to catch your lips in a quick kiss, then opens his eyes a little wider waiting for you to comment.

   "Everything I say has at least some importance…" You receive another kiss and then feel Max's hands move to your waist, gingerly pulling you closer.

   "Good. Now, try again." He gives you a little grin to encourage you.

   "Hey, I was thinking we could go to this cafe that is doing Disney themed latte art. It looks pretty cool." Your voice fluctuated as you tried to sound more confident in your request, trying to act nonchalant in the process.

   “I think that’s a wonderful idea. Let me know when you want to leave.” He gives you one last kiss on the forehead and starts to head back to his game.

   “Okay! I’ll let you know. Thank you, baby!” Your mood turns on a dime as you skip off to some other room, a shift which Max just shakes his head at as he restarts the session. About 10 minutes later, Max can hear you mumbling to yourself, sounding like you were straining to grab something, so he stands from his seat again and starts to search for your location, eventually finding you standing on a side table trying to reach your mini tripod that was on the highest shelf of your bookshelf in your office. “Dang it. Get over here. Woah.” You wobble on the table that you forgot was already uneven prompting Max to rush over and steady you.

   “Get off the table, please. What do you need? Your tripod?” He stretches up to reach where it is, which was slightly pushed back from the edge of the shelf.

   “Yes, please.” You beam up at him as he hands it to you, and once he does your focus goes to the small camera stand, flexing the legs to make it easier to hold, but Max interrupts your focus by lifting your chin to give you a small lingering kiss, forcing you to look into his eyes once he backs up.

   “Please never do that again. Just ask if you need help with stuff like that, okay.” His face was softly stern, lifting his eyebrows for emphasis as he spoke. He keeps the same face as he waits for your answer.

   “I know, I know. I will, but you know I just start doing something and completely forget about everything else and it makes me forget to ask for help when I need it…" Your words taper off as you go to place the tripod on your desk, but you turn around to Max crossing his arm, eyebrows scrunched in mock concern.

   "Yes, I know that. But you need to try and remember to ask for help, I'm always here for you." Max's gaze followed you as you approached him, first taking his crossed arms to turn him toward the door and then moving behind him to start pushing him out. Both you and him knew that if he were really trying you wouldn't be able to move him an inch, but here you were guiding him through the exit of your office.

   "Okay, thank you. Now go." You continue to push but feel resistance all of a sudden. You peek your head around to look at Max who was smiling at you. "What?"

   "Do I get to be in your vlog?" You roll your eyes at your boyfriend's question, then get back behind him to push again, moving once more.

    "You know you're always in my vlogs. Now go. I'll be there in a sec." You finally succeed in getting him across the threshold of your office then turn back around and head back to your desk, starting to fiddle with your small vlogging camera.

    “Okay.” Max does as he is told and heads back to his gaming room, sitting down in his seat and putting his headphones, and, after stopping to answer a text or two, starts playing again. After another 20 minutes he hears the patter of your feet, but continues his game waiting to hear your voice.

   “Can I come in?” You ask your question while slowly shuffling in. What you don't see fully is how bright and wide Max’s smile is as he feels your presence grow closer.

   “Of course you can, baby girl.” He finally ends the session and turns off the game, knowing he probably won’t be able to come back to it for the rest of the day. He removes his feet from the pedals in front of him to place his feet flat on the floor, turning his head to look straight into the small camera you pointed at him.

   “Say hi to the people, Max. They love you, you’re their favorite.” You giggle, primarily at the way he waves and then flashes a semi-awkward thumbs up.

   “Hello! Now you, what’s up?” He shifts his focus to you, face attentive as he pulls you into his lap by a large hand on your waist.

   “So you know how I asked you about going to that cafe today?” You had the camera pointed at you two, viewfinder flipped up so you could make sure you guys were in frame, and once you did you turned to look at Max who only had his attention on you, watching his nod and loving the vibration when he hums his affirmation, pushing a loc out of your face. “Well I was thinking that we could couple the experience with something fun.” You wiggle your eyebrows, first at Max and then briefly at the camera before turning back to him.

   “I don’t like that look. What did you have in mind?” Max keeps his eyes trained on you, watching and internally smiling at the charisma you were giving the camera, not like it was much different than your normal personality, if anything a bit toned down.

   "Well I thought that maybe you could teach me how to drive? Or at least start teaching me how to drive. And then we could go to the cafe since we were out." You use a free hand to comb back his hair with your fingers, and something the camera is able to see is the slight head tilt upward he does to move closer to your hand and the side profile of the soft look he was giving you.

   "Oh yeah, I always forget you don't have your license. I'm so used to just driving you around." He thinks for a moment, still only looking at you, watching as your enlarged brown eyes anticipated his answer. "Fine, I guess we could do that." He smiles back at the radiant smile you gave him and the quick kiss on the cheek you give before you remove yourself from his lap.

   "Yay! Thank you baby!" You start to skip toward the door but you didn't realize that Max had snuck his hand around your wrist to pull you back to him.

   "How were you going to leave me without a proper kiss?" He had his eyebrows raised in mock surprise, to which you roll your eyes and stalk back over to him, leaning down a bit to kiss him. It was a couple of deeper kisses, making sure your lips slated together rather than just a small peck. What you also noticed was that Max had angled the camera toward you two, making sure footage was captured of the kissing.

   "You're so needy, ugh." You fake your complaint as you stop your recording and leave the room, not seeing the soft, loving look he was giving you as you walked out the door.

________

   "Okay, here we are in the car on the most empty floor of the parking garage that we could find. And here's Professor Verstappen, ready to teach me all there is to learn about the rules of the road. Take it away, Max!" You finish your spritely intro to this portion of your vlog by highlighting Max's presence with your hands, waving them towards him and then finally looking toward him for instruction. He was too busy watching you, though, so it took him a beat to realize that it was his time to talk.

   "Oh, okay. Uh, hello everyone. First, have you ever been behind the wheel before?" His arm was already resting behind him on top of his seat, so he was already in reach of a loc that you kept of your ponytail, deciding to mess with it while you gave your answer, giving his hands something to do.

   "Well, I've never paid attention to all the stuff. Really just messed with the wheel." You twist the wheel, then look back at Max, the camera now just a spectator of the interaction between you two.

   "Okay." He grins at you, eyes wandering over your innocent face before continuing. "Uh, let's start with the pedals. Touch them with your feet." He stretches his body to watch as you do. "So the wide one on the left is the brake and the narrow, long one is the gas." You nod, still playing with the pedals. "Mirrors, check them every time you get in." He reaches up and taps the long mirror in front of you guys. "This is the rearview mirror, make sure you can see out the rear windshield when you adjust it, okay?" You start adjusting as he continues explaining. "The side mirrors, uh, you want to make sure that you're able to see your blind spot and beside you. The controls to adjust it side mirrors are in the door. You just make sure you have the correct mirror selected and then use the up, down, left and right buttons to adjust the mirror.” You look at the side mirror but decide not to do anything about them. "Um, the gearshift. You have to press on the brake to be able to be able to press the button on the gear shift to move it." He was going to continue his informational dialogue, but he could hear you press down on the brake pedal. "Don't do it now! Hold on." He subtly motions for you to stop, his hand in your vicinity as he chuckles, his vibe a mixture of nervousness and adoration.

   "Hehe, sorry." You had a toothy smile on your face, an indication to Max that you are already starting to get nervous and his words would need to be more gentle with his teaching.

   "It's okay." He leans over to kiss your forehead before continuing. "Anyway, the letters on the gearshift-"

   "Yes, the PRNDL…." You said the joke with such confidence, but  you and Max stifled your laughter, staring at each other, you with that bright toothy smile and Max with a strained grin and facial expression of fake disappointment.

   "Really?" The laughter he held was laced in his words. "You're adorable, you know that?" You nod with your bright smile, giving Max slight trouble when he starts leaning in to get a quick kiss, but you quickly get the hint, letting him kiss you as you nodded your head with less vigor.

   "Hehe, yeah, I know." Your faces were still close, allowing you two to have a small moment of intimacy before finally getting back to the task at hand.

   "Um, anyway. Yes the gearshi- the PRNDL, since I know you'll repeat it until I say it, those letters all stand for something. Do you know what they are?" He cocks his head slightly, making it more obvious that he is just making sure you know.

   "Park, reverse, uh-neutral, drive, and I always forget what L stands for." You recite the meanings as you go down the panel, then look back up expectantly at Max waiting for confirmation that you were right.

   "Correct. Good job, baby. And we're not going to worry about L until we have to." He pushes that lone loc again and admires your face as he thinks. "Okay, try just going forward. To that column." He points to a concrete column about 50 feet away, and he keeps his attention ahead of you guys as you put the car in drive.

   "Okay, check mirrors, foot is on the brake right now, car in drive…" you mumble a checklist to yourself, double check everything you just listed, and then finally lift your foot off the brake and slowly, lightly press on the gas, allowing the car to finally move. Initially all was fine, it wasn't until 3 seconds later when Max felt the car gently swerving that he looked at you, seeing you twist the wheel back and forth as you tried to go forward.

   "Woah, woah! Stop!" You immediately follow directions, slamming on the brake making both of your bodies jolt forward. You start to laugh nervously as you slowly turn to look at Max, who was looking at you wide eyed. "What the fuck was that, baby? You're not trying to warm the tires."

   "I-that's what people do in the movies…and i- I don't know." An apologetic, nervous smile stays plastered on your face, a face Max knew well because it meant that you were really unsure of the situation and liable to shut down at any minute.

   "That's just bad acting. But it's okay, you're okay. Just think of it as keeping the car steady instead of trying to guide it." He uses his hand to imitate a swerving driving path and then turns back to you. "You want to try again?" His gaze was intensely trained on you as he tried to gauge your anxiety before you answered.

   "Mhm." The smile was now gone, your face was flat and eyebrows furrowed as you checked your mirrors again and then lifted your foot from the brake to gently press the gas again. This time there was a lot more focus on your part as you gently twisted the steering wheel as necessary to keep it in line until you got to the column.

   “Okay, now put it in park.” With your foot firmly on the brake, you hold down the button on the gearshift and push it to put the car in park. Once it was done and you were sure the car was stationary. You lift your foot and jerk your head toward Max to shine a, now more confident, smile his way, that he reciprocates in his own Max way with a grin and wide eyes. “You did it!”

   “I did it!” You reach your arms out and wrap them around Max’s neck, and the close proximity brought your cheek in range to receive a peck from him. 

   “How did you feel?” You still had your arms around his neck, but he was able to lean back enough to get your entire face in view. 

   “Better, but I know it's not that easy on the road so that's a little scary.” Max starts to open his mouth to calm your worries, but your next words change his planned soothing into reprimand as you continue. “And I know it’s stupid to be scared. Many people drive everyday without being scared, but I tin- '' Your words fade when your cheeks are grasped by Max’s long fingers and squished gently.

   “Shh.” Max’s attempted cooing comes off more like a frantic mitigation of your downward spiral, like trying to stop a child from crying right as they’re on the cusp of bursting out in tears. He gives a small kiss to your manually puckered lips then lets go, gently lifting the locs you had back in a ponytail. “You’re not stupid. People get scared about driving, it’s normal. You just need to practice to gain confidence, that’s all. Okay?” Your lips were still pouted, but you looked at him through your eyelashes, eyes asking for a little more reassurance, which he gives by seizing your lips in another kiss.

   "Okay." You press your lips together in a mild grin then settle back into your seat, tracing the steering wheel with your fingers.

   "Want to try reversing and a little parking? And then I'll drive us to that cafe?" He laces his fingers with yours that had settled on the gearshift, running a thumb over the back of your hand.

   "Yeah, let's do it! Really earn that latte." In your usual fashion, your demeanor changed on a dime to hyper enthusiasm, unlacing your hand from Max's and placing both hands firmly on the wheel.

   "You earned that before we even got in the car." He stretches his arm across the back of your seat, placing a sentimental gaze on you. You turn toward him in a way that required you to lean your head back slightly, and flash that big beautiful smile he adores. "I love you." His head jerks toward you a little, waiting for your answer.

   "I love you, too." You pucker after your words, receiving the kiss Max was craving to give you. It was simple, but it was lingering. He has always loved your lips, so his heart squeezed when they turned up into a grin for him as you got amped to continue driving. "Alright, let's get on with it!"

   "Alright." He takes another second to watch you, his cute, bouncy, determined and all around amazing girlfriend, before continuing his instruction.

___________

   "The fact that the latte was amazing AND had The Little Mermaid art on top makes my driving struggles worthwhile." You skip out of the cafe door that Max held open for you, thanking the employees as you leave, camera trained on your face.

   "It was good?" Max also waved a polite, silent goodbye as you two walked back to the car that was parked in a spot along a surprisingly empty road.

   "Yeah! It was a sea salt caramel latte and it didn't have too much coffee flavor but I can still feel a buzz." You grab onto his hand and swing it wildly, turning under his arm like you were tangoing as you waited for the signal to walk across the street. For it to be a Saturday, the roadway that had picturesque little shops along the side was almost clear, sans a few straggling teens and some cars driving by.

   "That's the last thing you need. I don't know why you insist on getting drinks with coffee anyway if you don't like the taste of coffee." The signal finally changed and you and Max crossed the street, vlog camera still recording, but just getting a lower angle shot of you two walking.

   "You can have so much fun with the flavors of coffee drinks. And you know energy drinks are hit and miss with me." You lift your camera once across, you gauging the short distance to the car before talking, speaking through your teeth in a mock wince. "Sorry, Red Bull." You stop the recording and turn off your camera now just wanting to take in your surroundings hand in hand with your boyfriend.

   "Yeah, I know." He feels his phone vibrate in his pocket, which he pulls out to see he received a text from Lando.

Lando

Do you and Yn want to come hang tonight?

Me and some friends decided to just go out tonight

Don't know who all is coming yet tho

What do you say?

And tell Yn I said hello and that I love her more than you do 😁

   "Why does he text like this? All these messages…" Max removes his hand from yours but sticks out his elbow so you're able to wrap your arm around his. You guys stop walking for a moment, since you were basically at the car, while Max goes to answer whatever question is hidden in his myriad texts. "Would you want to go out tonight with Lando?" He looked down to his side for your response, which was almost immediate excitement.

   "Yes! Let's go out! I love hanging out with Lando." You sway with Max's arm in tow as he types out his response.

Max

Okay, we'll come.

   "Okay, we'll go. Now please, I need this arm." His plea held fake exhaustion, causing you to laugh a laugh that was music to his ears. As you guys finally approached the car, you could hear people down the sidewalk calling to get your guys' attention.

   "Oh my God, it is him!" Two young men both looking around 25 approached you two with excitement in their demeanor. "Max, we love you, mate. That Red Bull has been crazy dominant!"

   Max could feel you trying to move behind him a bit, but for you this was just because you knew these guys were here to see Max so you didn't want to get in the way. For Max the rudeness due to their lack of acknowledgement to your presence was strike 1. "Thanks, you guys. But listen, we have to get going-"

   "Hey do you think we could get a picture with you real quick?" When the phone started to be handed to you, Max was ready to snatch your hand up and leave immediately, but seeing you reach for it, okay and eager to take a picture of the boyfriend she is immensely proud of and his fans, he simmered down, enough to take a decent picture with the two men before they excitedly walked off after thanking you.

   "They were kinda nice." Max walks you to the passenger side of the car, opening the door for you, grunting in faux agreement. "I don't think they knew who I was, though." Your words came out as a giggle because you were truly amused with the situation, but Max just closed the door, gently and hiding his stone face as he does.

   "If they did they would have acted like fucking saints." Max mumbles to himself, walking around to the driver's side. He pauses, taking a deep breath and actively working to relax his face, knowing the scowl would affect your mood too, and realizing a new annoyance that has emerged for him. There are people out there who think that you are something less than the best thing to have come into his life.

babygurlyn

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babygurlyn NEW VLOG ALERT!!! Please enjoy my favorite screenshots I got while editing 😁😁😁

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landonorris you don't want to know what happens when Yn has vodka

>mercfantasies What happens when she has vodka????

>babygurlyn No one will know what happens when Yn has vodak 😐😐😐

> landonorris The walls have ears 👀

maxandynfan Max in your new vid 😭😭 you could've warmed us about how sweet he was

> babygurlyn I told you guys Max is nothing but a big softy 🥰 (And don't listen to him when he says he's not)

 __________

You made sure you had your items, small purse on your arm, large pink chunky-knit sweater over your arm, a pink that matched the mid rise Nike Court Royales that you wore with a black tennis skirt and white blouse, phone locked in both hands as you bent under the rope in the garage separating visitors from the rest of the garage. You knew that it would have been more comfortable and easier watching from the Paddock Club area or the motorhome, but Max insisted you stay in the garage, and you didn't mind because you liked being this close to the action, and it was easier to get to parc ferme and the podium by just by exiting the garage. So you found yourself walking out of the garage, hugging people and cheering along as everyone celebrates another win for Max. No matter what anyone says, for you every win is so exciting because you know the work he has put in to achieve this. The top three cars park and you are able to reach and hug Max, making a face at him to joke about how he stunk from his sweat and then shooing him off for the post-race interview, and as you did you felt a tap on your shoulder, turning around to see a young guy and girl. The girl had her phone in her hand and the guy a small microphone, the ones that can clip onto the shirt.

   "Hi, I'm Jackson and this is my girlfriend, Catherine. Do you have time to do a quick interview with us?" The guy, Jackson, asked you close to your ear, to which you nod in agreement. You and Max have been dating just over a year, and you can count the number of people that have approached you to speak to you on one hand, maybe two if you added exceptions.

   "I would love to do an interview, Jackson." You were able to answer without having to yell in his ear, since the cheering has died down as third place is interviewed. 

   "Please, you can call me Jack." He points to Catherine and gives her a thumbs up, which you assumed was to signal for her to start recording, because after counting down to 1, Jackson begins to introduce himself and you, to which you give a spritely wave to the phone that Catherine was smiling behind. "So, Yn, you have been with Max for almost 2 seasons, seen so many of his wins, have you gotten used to them now?" Jack's eyes shifted between you and the phone as he spoke, and once he was done he brought the small microphone closer to you.

   "Oh, no. Every race is different. Even if it is the same race during a new season, the conditions are different, and I see the work Max puts in first hand, so I am always very proud of him with every win." You smile toward Jack and then the camera.

   "You know, with what can be seen as a severe lack of action due to Red Bull dominance, people have turned their focus to other news in the F1 sphere, one of which being the relationship between you and Max." Though more comment than question, the small mic is gestured toward you for input.

   "Oh, well, I'm flattered. I hope it's mostly good things." You could feel a shift in the tone of the interview, which was confirmed by the confused look being given by Catherine from behind the recording phone.

   "There has been good stuff, yes, but the most discussion and discourse has been over how different you two seem to be from each other." Again the microphone is thrusted toward you.

   "I-well, yeah, we're different from each other, but I think that helps us. We get to learn from each other." Your smile has officially started to fade as Jack continues to speak.

   "Not just the differences between you and Max, but the difference between you and his previous girlfriends." Your eyebrows were officially furrowed, confused by the implication.

   "I don't think I know what you mean." The further you got into this interview the more the outside world began to be shut out, so of course you didn't feel Max's eyes trained on you, post interview and supposed to be headed to the cool down room, but instead he watched.

   "People just don't understand how he could go from dating high class models and daughters of previous racers to you. You're so different from his previous girlfriends, what do you think it is about you that drew him in?" Your head tilted, really trying to figure out the point of the question, face softening into disappointment as you slowly start to realize the micro aggression in the comment.

   "Well, I-i don't-um-" You jump at the feeling of an arm wrapping around your waist, giving Max a sad smile when you look in the direction of the arm. 

   "What's going on here?" Max uses his grip on your waist to pull you behind him, and switches to holding your hand.

   "Max! Great race-" Jack goes to clap Max on the shoulder, be Max leans away, anger still consuming him.

   "No, don't change the subject. What is going on? Why does it look like my girlfriend is about to cry?" Max relaxed the hand that held yours so you could mess with his hand, but still had a scowl on his face.

   "I was just seeing what she had to say about-um-ha. You know what it's-" Jackson was starting to bail, motioning to Catherine to stop recording, which she does but she stays put, face enraged as she watches her boyfriend make a stupid decision. 

   "No, don't leave. Whatever you were talking to my girlfriend about you can talk to me about cause you were obviously upsetting her." You still held on to Max's hand, but the insinuation made during your conversation was already clicking, and you didn't like what you heard.

   "Fine! She just acts so childish and ditzy! No one understands why you're with her!" With that final declaration, everyone within earshot and paying attention to conversation was shocked. You, though wide eyed, were hurt, a small seed of doubt now attempting to worm its way into the mental security you had in your relationship with Max, but feeling him suddenly jerk his right hand away room your grip provided enough of a momentary distraction.

   "Fuck you." The two simple words were followed by a punch that dropped the guy. You hear gasps coming from multiple directions, making you guys realize you weren't the only one experiencing this, but this was the last thing on Max's mind. He looks up at Catherine. "Is he your boyfriend?" He was shaking out his hand, stretching his fingers and gingerly touching what will inevitably be bruised knuckles.

   "Not anymore. I knew he was an asshole sometimes, but this is a new low." She shakes her head down at Jack, who was now being tended to by a nearby marshall who saw, and luckily heard, everything, and was nodding in agreement.

   "Good for you." Max finally looks away from his hand to turn his attention to you. "Come on, let's head back." Max then reaches out for your hand with his currently painfully red right hand, which you grasp instinctively, planning to make the grip a bit softer, but having to hold on more as he whisks you back to the Red Bull crowd, putting you with Geri and Christian.

   "Where have you been?" Christian's question was frantic and directed toward Max as Geri swipes caringly at your white blouse.

   "Doesn't matter." The answer mildly shocks everyone, showing that Max is running on pure adrenaline at the moment. He looks back at you. "Are you okay?"

   You nod quickly at his answer, sad and tired doe eyes looking up at him. "Yeah, I'm fine. Well…now I'm worried you might get sued." As you spoke Max gathered you in a tight side hug and kissed your forehead.

   "I fucking dare them." He says this with a flat neutral face, and then a grin suddenly appears once he looks toward you. "Love you." He leans down to place a kiss on your lips.

   "Love you, too" You responded, tipping your head up toward you to get one last kiss before Max quickly makes his way into the cool down room for the last few minutes, joining Lewis and Charles.

   "Where have you been, man?" Lewis was stationed by the stand holding his helmet, taking a long swig of water after his inquiry. Charles sat silently in one of the chairs, uncaring of the number indicating who it's supposed to be, also looking at Max quizzically. Max puts a finger up and watches the cameras in the room, waiting for them to be shut off indicating that filming has now been directed to the podium.

    "I had to help Yn with something. Someone was being an asshole to her" He stretches his abused hand, bruising already starting.

   "You punched someone?" Charles gets up and heads to the exit so the three can head to the podium. Max doesn't answer the question verbally, just looks up from his hand at him and lets a satisfying grin replace the flat expression on his face.

__________

   "Baby, you're never this quiet. And it's been since we got back." You were sitting on the couch in his gaming room that sat behind his sim set up, hyper focused playing Mario Kart on your Nintendo Switch.

   "I- I'm fine. Nothing's wrong." You mumble your answer, only half listening to Max's concern as you play your game.

   "Yn, turn off the game and listen to me." You just press pause and look up to your left to place focus on Max, but Max wanted your undivided attention so he walked around to sit next to you, plucking the game from your hands and turning it off. When you didn't protest, he knew something was really wrong. "You have not been yourself, Yn."

   "What, I'm supposed to be "childish" and "ditzy" all the time?" You snap, crossing your arms and avoiding eye contact.

   "That's what it is." Max nods to himself and then uses the arm that he had outstretched along the back of the couch to tilt your head onto his shoulder. "You can't let the opinion of one person get to you, Love." Though meant to be comforting, Max's words just annoy you, making you lift your head from his shoulder and stand from the couch, pacing back and forth.

   "But it's not the opinion of one person, it's the opinion of multiple people, apparently. I'm not sophisticated enough. I'm not mature enough. I'm not classy. I'm an airhead." You fight tears that prick at your eyes after using your fingers to list off comments you saw online. Max gets up from the couch to stop your pacing, lifting your head with his large hands and kissing a tear that got away. "I don't want to be a bad reflection on you, Max."

   "You could never. Yn I am not exaggerating when I say that you are the best thing to ever come into my life. Okay?" You nod, but Max was not content with the lack of eye contact you've continued to maintain. "Yn?"

   "Hmm?" You finally look up at Max when he calls your name, a soft grin briefly appearing on his face before disappearing.

   "You know, I don't think just telling you will do anything." You hold the eye contact and furrow your eyebrows in confusion. "I think that I am going to have to fuck into my lovely girl's head exactly how perfect she is. What do you think?" The grin was back, but presented more like a shit-eating grin. The confusion and anger you felt moments ago was brushed away, replaced by shock and arousal, and all you could truly do in the moment was nod. "You can be quiet now, but I'm gonna need you to speak up later on, okay?" Another nod from your blank faced head makes Max chuckle before kissing you again, harder, deeper, his tongue invading your mouth and, like a good little girl, you copied the motions, and when he pulled away you had a bright smile on as your teeth took hold of your bottom lip. Max could see in your eyes that your demeanor was softening, focusing on the pleasure that was incoming for you, but he wanted to go a bit slower, really wanting to emphasize the affirmations and confidence building that is supposed to take place. "Can I take this off of you?" You nod and Max slowly lifts the oversized shirt above your head, dropping it to the floor when he sees what’s underneath. A sheer pink bra with flower detailing, your nipples visible through the fabric. “What’s this?” Max was like a kid on Christmas morning, looking at a tree full of presents from the stairwell.

   “I didn’t feel that great this morning so I put this set on because it's my favorite and makes me feel pretty.”  You rock on your feet during your explanation, hands behind your back, pushing your chest out.

   “Set?” You nod, gentle grin on your face. “Show me.” You follow directions, shimmying out of the tight shorts you had on to display the matching pink, flower detailed thong you had on. “Oh, you do look pretty, lovely girl. But you're always pretty.” Max gets an idea on the direction he want to take things. “You know what? Repeat that.” He grasped your hands, backing up to the couch and sitting down, bringing you in and wrapping your arms around his neck.

   “I’m pretty?” You twist your head to the side, lips in a small pout and face confused. Max runs his hands up your arms and brings them to your waist. 

   “Mhm. Again.” His eyes were trained on your breasts, bringing his right hand to your left breast to cup it and run his thumb over the nipple through the fabric of your bra.

   “I’m pretty.” You say it as a statement this time, but still tainted with uncertainty.

   “Yes you are. Again.” Max instructs, looking you in the eye, hand still fondling your breast.

   “I’m pretty.” You say it with a grin this, breath hitching when his hand moves up to run along your entire boob.

   “That’s my lovely girl.” You smile a little brighter at the accolade and subconsciously run your eye up and down Max’s torso. “You want me to take it off?” You nod, pussy clenching at the simple action of Max asking what you wanted from him. “You’ve gotta ask then, my love. Use your words.”

   “Can you take your shirt off, please.” You squeaked out, then inadvertently bringing him closer to your chest when you begin to mess with your nails.

   “Of course I can.” And so he leans away from you and manually removes your hands from his shoulders, which you subtly frown at, but the loss of contact didn’t matter once the solid build of your boyfriend’s torso became visible, hands magnetically drawn to his shoulder and rubbing down his back. “Happy.” You nod, the gentle grin settling on your face again. “Now, let’s see…” His hands go back to glancing over your sides. “You… are… intelligent. Repeat that.” His hands have now strayed to your ass, giving it a gentle squeeze. 

   “I’m-ah-intelligent.” You do as you’re told, shock when you feel the pads of Max’s fingers drag across your clit, exposed since he pushed the fabric soaked in your juices to the side.

   “That okay?” Max looks up at your wide eyed face and you nod, which prompts Max’s fingers to touch you, stirring up wetness that he uses to caress your clit. “Again.”

   “I’m intelligent.” You place your hands firmly on Max’s shoulders as the sensation from your clit being stimulated had your knees starting to get weak and caused you to grind into Max’s hand.

   “Yes, you are very intelligent, my eager little baby.” Max is able to stop you from rocking your hips and pulls away his hand, sucking your slick from his fingers. “You want my thigh instead? So you can rest those legs a bit.” You nod as you lower yourself onto his thigh, exposed since he was wearing shorts. You move the fabric of your panties to the side to be able to drag your clit along the muscle ridges of your boyfriend’s thigh, that sensation making you wetter which made Max harder, tenting his athletic shorts. “That’s my smart, pretty little horny girl. Get off on my leg, baby.” Max’s praise and encouragement makes you hump his leg harder, whimpering,  trying to satisfy the amplified desire that resulted from his words. “Now, what can you think of to say, lovely girl?

   “Can’t think…” You hug into the crook of his neck, still whimpering at the feeling, but Max reaches back to remove your face from his neck so you can look into his eyes.

   “Yes you can. I know you can. Think…” The face that you had, mouth hung open, brows knitted together, only made Max harder as he waited for you to speak.

   “I…am…classy.” You keep riding his thigh, moaning when Max bounces his leg once.

   “Again.” His hands were back on your body, migrating back up toward your boobs.

   “I’m classy.” Your words begin to slur and the motion of your hips more erratic and irregular. 

   “Good. Good job, lovely girl.” He looks up at your face, eyes closed and head rolling as you concentrate on the excruciatingly slow building climax. “What else?” Max had removed a hand from your body to push down the hem of his shorts and boxers down to free his dick, already dripping pre-cum on his stomach. 

   “I’m not an airhead.” You were whining your words now, hands past Max’s face and holding onto the back of the couch, pink sheer bra now taunting him.

   “You’re not, my love. Fuck. I promise you.” Max runs his thumb along his raging pink tip then begins to pump himself, watching your flustered face intently.

   “Maxie, ‘m gonna cum.” You brought your face back to his neck and continued the erratic pace of your hips, but your declaration caused Max to let go of his dick and use his hands on your hips to stop your movements. “Please…” This word was moaned from your lips, your endearing neediness making Max’s heart flutter, liking the fact that he’s the one satisfying your whiny pleas.

   “Hold on, baby. Get up.” As you do, Max watches a string of wetness stretch from his thigh to your partially covered pussy. He then frantically pushed down his shorts and underwear, kicking them who knows where, and brings his hands back home to your hips, hooking his fingers onto your underwear but then removing them, grinning up at you. “You take them off, my love.” At this point all you wanted was to feel Max, inside and out, so you wiggle out of your thong, but as you reach back to remove your bra, the feeling of Max’s hand on your thigh stops you. “Keep it on if it makes you feel pretty, baby. But let me just…” Max reaches out to your breasts, pushing the pliable fabric out of the way, leaving your exposed boobs to be outlined by the pink fabric and the covered wiring of the bra.

   “I look pretty?” There it went, your mind on the back burner as the only thing you can think of is getting on Max’s lap so you can bury his hard cock deep inside you. Max knew his words had to be careful now, as you were more sensitive in this state, but he still wanted to get it through to you that you were the only one for him.

   “Yes you do, baby. Come here.” He brings you closer by your waist, holding on tighter as you climb on the couch, straddling him and then finally lowering down on him, whimpering at how deep he was and how full you felt. You tucked your head into his neck again, this time he gives in for a moment, not moving his hips at all, but bringing his fingers down to gently circle your engorged clit. “Come on, I want to see my pretty girl’s lovely face. Can you do that for me?” You nod into his neck and then slowly pull back to be face to face, eyes glossy and lips slightly parted, drawing Max in to kiss them. It was slow yet sloppy, and when you guys pulled back from each other, your lips were shiny from the spit. “Beautiful.” Max starts to slowly drag his hips into you, enjoying the fucked out face that you had even after just riding his thigh. Praises in English and Dutch came as a whisper from his lips, heads press against each other. 

   “Wanna suck on smthn…” You request between little whimpers, to which Max obliges by bringing his right hand to your jaw so his thumb could trace your lips before you opened your mouth for it.

   “You look so pretty sucking on my thumb, bouncing on my dick.” While one hand was occupying your mouth, the other hand had a firm grip on your ass, helping you move up and down, but most of your movement was assisted by the slight bounce of the couch. As he watches the concentration you had, trying your hardest to get to that edge, he decided he wanted to give your brain something else to do. "Say you're pretty, baby." You initially go to take his thumb out of your mouth to say it, but he insists otherwise. "Say it around my thumb, love."

   "I'm pwetty." You repeated, wide eyes boring into his, bringing your hands up to wrap them around his wrist. 

   "Good. Ah, fuck." Max stopped his thrusting for a moment but you didn't stop your bouncing, rocking your hips into his waist, getting well needed friction to your clit from it rubbing his pelvis. "Say-fuck-say your smart."

   "I'm smawt." Again you repeated, this time face a bit more strained as your body gets to that familiar ledge.

   "You deserve me, baby. I'm the one that doesn't-ah- deserve you." Max starts thrusting again, taking the hand that was on your butt and pushing locs that hung in front of your face behind your ear.

   "I desewve you." You just mindlessly repeat the part of the sentence that you knew was for you, bouncing, chasing your climax.

   "Fuck, yes you do baby. I'm so happy you're mine, my love." He removes his thumb from your mouth so he is able to use both hands to grip your waist to move you, and you whimper because of the emptiness in your mouth.  "I want to hear all of the pretty noises you make when you cum."

   "Wanna cum…gonna come-ah. Ah!" A quick succession of moans and whines accompanied your climax, it eventually all becoming too much, causing you to fall forward into his chest, still whimpering. Max pulls his dick out of you slowly, trying hard not to stimulate you past your limit.

   "Shhh-shit-give me one moment and I'll help you, pretty girl. Just relax." He keeps one hand on your back, fingers running along your spine as he uses his other hand to finish himself off, letting out sharp breaths as strings of cum shoot lazily onto his hand. After he comes down from his own high, he starts to coo you back from your subspace, letting you know how well you did, reinforcing what he had you repeat earlier, asking what you wanted him to bring back from the kitchen. Once he feels you've come down enough, he fixes your bra then picks up your oversized shirt from the floor and pulls it over your head, then goes to clean himself up enough to put his clothes back on and comes back to clean you up and make sure you drink the water he brought you. The rest of the night you guys cuddled on that couch, deciding to just sleep there for the night, and Max held you tight to his body, trying to physically protect you from the words that caused you so much mental anguish. He laid there, thinking, and decided that when you wake up, he's suggesting you delete Twitter.

[olderthannetfic]

Nearly 75% of fic on AO3 has less than 5 reader comments. Can we please acknowledge that lack of engagement in a positive fashion is the norm in fandom and that writers are expected to work for nothing in return yet readers are allowed to be entitled?

The source of my number

https://www.tumblr.com/transholmes/738776926733336576/and-even-those-numbers-on-the-lower-end-are

--

Hahahahaha.

Oh, anon.

Okay, first of all, I just posted a bunch of graphs showing exactly this, so not only am I well aware of it, but you also clearly don't read my tumblr much and are just here because some friend of yours is upset that I responded negatively to them about their dumb bookmarking opinions.

Second and more importantly...

No, no one is expected to do anything.

That's crazypants influencer talk where you think your hobbies are jobs that you have no choice about doing.

I suppose I do expect fans to have something at least marginally worthwhile to say—or else I'll block them for being whiny little bitches who make my day dumber as well as less amusing.

But mostly, what I expect is that people will do hobbies because they are fun. If I ever decide that writing fic is too boring, I will stop.

I write because it's fun.

I write original work for money too, and if you want to read that, you're going to have to pay Amazon your cold, hard cash. But I still do it because I enjoy the actual act of writing... at least a lot of the time.

What I see in the bookmark boo-hooing is a bunch of people who haven't noticed the last eighty thousand rounds of this same dumb wank and who not only expect to get the last word but expect that somehow I'm going to signal boost it on my tumblr as that... a tumblr known for contentious debates and nobody ever getting the last word till everyone's exhausted and never wants to hear about paper plates or beans again.

I also see that some of the thinnest-skinned people have fic patreons.

Now, I chose not to bring this up before because it sounds a bit below the belt in that "And thus you're morally impure and thus I can ignore your argument" way... But it's a consistent pattern in these conversations over time, and I do think it's relevant. The biggest sensitive babies are always the ones most afraid of bad reviews but also low engagement, and I think it's because they're caught in some half-pro, half-not limbo where they want the best of both worlds but keep getting the worst of both.

If you behave like a professional who is owed compensation, you can expect a more professional style of response to your work.

And what does the pro world look like? Radio silence. The occasional harsh review. Nobody caring why you wanted to write X or why you couldn't finish Y on time.

If you're here to socialize, you should look for a beta or a couple of good friends who like your blorbos and your style of fic, and then you can squee together about what you've written. It may not come in the form of visible AO3 comments. It may be in private chat.

In some cases, it may just be friends you can talk to about your writing but who aren't actually going to read it. I have plenty of friends who read different things than what I write.

That's what socializing and hobbies look like, dude.

It's fine to point out that many writers do get discouraged by low comment counts and then stop, so if I, as a reader in a fandom, want more, it behooves me to befriend writers and make them feel good.

But at the same time, writers get discouraged or move on to the next fandom all the time for all kinds of reasons. If the critical mass and the zeitgeist aren't there, then they aren't.

Do your hobbies for reasons internal to you.

If the main point is external validation, get into BDSM and find someone excited to indulge your praise kink. It will work a lot better than chasing fame via art.

[simplydnp]

hey there!

I kind of consider you the resident dnp expert (at least in dnp culture) so I wanted your opinion on a question that's been building for a while now.

What are the boundaries for dnp now?

There are so many things that I feel have changed even in the last four years: writing smutty rpf was Gross and Weird, along with art along that line, speculating about their relationship was ABSOLUTELY a no-go, all things that I see happening on Tumblr now. And I'm not saying that's a bad thing!! I'm just acknowledging things have changed over time. They're different people now and so are we, and the "we know you know" era is lots of fun.

I was browsing reddit today (bad idea, do not recommend) and came across a post from a new Phannie asking if DnP were in a relationship. And while I agree that we cannot say for absolute certain that they are, the responses had a VERY different vibe than on here, emphasizing how bad the speculation was (true) and essentially saying "don't even think about that, just enjoy their content." (or something to that extent.)

Which... is very different from this here website in which we joke about them being horney for each other constantly lmao.

Being a very rules-driven person, I like expectations to be made abundantly clear for pretty much everything. So that's why I want to ask: Is there a line here? Are we crossing that line? How defined is that line? (All of this, of course, I recognize is your opinion and yours alone, and if this is posted I encourage anyone else to share their two-cents in a respectful way.)

Obviously, trying to find out where they live/things like that is very clearly crossing a boundary. But is there some sort of limit or boundary I (and tbh the rest of the phandom), in your opinion, should be keeping in mind?

thanks xx

hi!

'resident expert' is a hefty title, i'm just here trying my best!

'what are the boundaries for dnp now?' is really a great question. cause the thing is, we used to know. there used to be a fairly well-defined and mostly agreed upon line, and ever since the dapg revival in particular, the line keeps moving.

i'll be honest, i never really saw phanfic as rpf, even though it is. my stance on phanfic is the same as dnps: it's a beautiful expression of art and creativity and is so, so important. they've always been pro-fic (even though we subjected them to some absolutely horrific crack fics), so i don't think 'smutty' fic has ever been gross or too far. they've given their blessing, and, as the conversation has been in fandom communities the last few years, rpf isn't 'for' the people in them, it's for the fans. so i digress.

art is much the same way. they love art! they even included art of them kissing in a tumblr tag video back in the day, so to say that's not allowed especially after they're out is kind of crazy to me.

i think the line with stuff like that was showing it directly to dnp--tagging them in explicit stuff, that kind of thing. but creating it? go for it! it's always been a green light. (i think fans have previously overpoliced this and we lost a lot of great fic, art, and community members over it)

browsing reddit is always a Choice. i've never participated on dnp reddit before but i am aware that it is an entirely different space than here. something that's important, i think (and i think you think this too as you're asking about them), is to respect the fandom rules of the place you partcipate in. tumblr is generally one of the most phan-positive places on the internet, especially publicly facing. we make a lot of relationship jokes, particularly because we run on the assumption it's already true, based on what they've both said publicly (mostly dan).

i won't comment on reddit specifically just because i'm not a part of the community there, but the speculation about dnp online was a Lot for a long time. but the worst part of it was the stalking, the digging into personal lives, the contacting family members--that is what was bad. dnp have always had a connection--and, honestly, they kind of love flexing it and kind of always have. they absolutely play into things now, but they certainly did even way before coming out too. i think a certain level of speculation was to be expected, especially in that era of online fandom. but it wasn't just the 'teenage girls' who cared, the media did too, and so did many others.

i think one of the biggest differences now is 1 the awareness of 'our' past and trying to make up for it, and 2 the broader societal conversations about parasocial relationships.

you see this reflected on the snippets ive seen from dnp reddit and dnp twitter. they tend to be Very 'cautious' about the words they say, often undercutting perfectly reasonable statements with 'but whatever their relationship is'. on one hand, they don't want to cross a line, and i can respect that. on the other hand... it's 2024 babes. they just put out merch of them holding hands. dan's directly, intentionally, and explicitly called phil a bottom on dapg. they reacted to all of the pinofs, made jokes about 'theyre touching', and even joked about the tackle being 'wrestling 👀'. dan posted half-naked catboy pics and showed us phil was taking them. the 'watch your step babygirl' tweet & their reactions to it. phil is credited in WAD. they're making threesome jokes about themselves as a unit. i could go on and on.

to me, there's a few things that have 'moved the line' for us, so to speak.

1 - DAPG returning. for the last few years they specifically were not a duo (for projects) anymore. (and no, not because they hated each other). they just weren't. they wanted to focus on their goals and projects. they didn't have to resurrect dapg, but they chose to. marketing and money aside, they knew that if this went over well, it would well and truly revive the 'dan and phil' brand again. it would be specifically returning to being a duo in the public eye. (however they've also fully embraced this in all aspects, including merch, videos, and general attitude)

2 - pinof reacts. even though they'd been out since 2019, we hadn't had regular joint content from them since before that, therefore, while they had become more comfortable with themselves and their 'outness', we hadn't (in terms of them making explicit gay jokes together). so i really think dnp had to de-fang a lot of the 'theyre touching' of it all, because we didn't really know where we stood on it anymore. i think they succeeded, too. we couldn't be here, with the content of the last 3 months, without them tackling it head on (well, as head on as they're want to do).

3 - dapc. genuinely another big shift. they did this for the real fans. purely a passion project, and a specific choice in doing the handhold. they know what we're like. and this wasn't a brief, unplanned, unscripted moment. it's a specifically blocked out scene. they know it's opening a door, and they chose to. this is doubled by the fucking iconic merch selling, and furthered by phil's twitter likes of arguably romantic phanart, and then dan's full straddle like.

even throughout the current 6 months of revival, the line has moved. i don't know where it will settle. dnp keep moving it, in my opinion, and, genuinely, i don't think it's going to leave much to the imagination. as you say, obviously not the stalking or the contacting, but beyond that? especially here on tumblr? i wouldn't get too worried. obviously people will have their opinions, but as long as you're generally respectful and recognize that humans will see your posts and humans interact with them, i think you're good.

my rule of thumb is anything they intentionally put on the table, we can joke about or at the same level. but in terms of art/fic? go off, live your dreams. dan and phil would want you to.

[zirobitches]

One Piece: Soulmate AU

Always in this twilight - Crocodile x GN!Reader

Summary: Soulmates are incapable of hurting each other. As a pirate, this leads to some tragic moments midst battles. You thought you were prepared for when it might happen to you, but damn you were wrong.

Gn! Reader, Angst no comfort, no beta we die like Roger, Reader is Croc's First Mate and a former Roger pirate (Shanks/Buggy's age) but it doesnt really matter, also former slave background, congrats you are now in the place of my self insert OC, no promises on not being cringe this is literally a /reader fic, also had to make a fake crew bc we dont know enough crocs backstory HAND IT OVER ODA

Word count: 4500+

Also first fic on tumblr, idk what im doing here, lmk ur opinions. It is now 2:03am and i have class at 10:30. Might have to skip lmao

EDITS: grammar check lol. also cross posted it on ao3 - same name as my blog

-----------

Soulmates weren't as common as you'd might assume when you first hear about it. There's an easy way to prove someone is your soulmate, but when that method is to harm them, well, it doesn't make it easy to find that person. And society gets a bit weird when you know your soulmate is out there.

you've known that some people carry around little needles to poke into strangers hoping to find the one. But that was in decent society; among pirates you more often heard tales of bullets suddenly dropping to the ground after they hit their target, or swords stopping on someone's skin as though it just hit steel. A battlefield is a hell of a place to meet the person fate had decided for you, but for pirates it had become a norm.

Not that long ago, some genius named Vegapunk did a study on how many people meet their soulmate - 1 in a 100. And that's just how many people find them. It never accounts for how many actually happily end up together. You had chosen to live your life as a pirate, so a happy ending with your supposed soulmate wasn't something you foresaw in your future.

You were always grateful most of your current crew felt the same. There was a small group among pirates that were always on the lookout to find their soulmate and then immediately retire. Your crew however like to joke that if they found them in battle, they would move out of the way so someone else could finish them off. It was a grim reality, but it was your reality.

However, on nights like these where you drank the night away, some romantic always had to bring it up.

"C'mon, did old Roger really make you so cold hearted that you don't believe in true love?"

"Pfft, you're fucking joking right?" You scoffed back. You always argued with Tink about this, but you understood your young navigator still had hope. Too bad you were the pessimist of the crew.

"It's not that I don't believe in true love," you continued. "Soulmates are real, I don't really see another explanation for not being able to harm only one other person in the world. But why limit yourself to waiting for a person you might never meet? So many are denying themselves to fall in love with someone else and then end up dying alone because they never found their soulmate."

Tink pouted in front of you. This was a tired conversation, one that was repeated every few weeks much to the chagrin of your other crewmates. But a controversial topic was always a great topic for a group such as yourselves.

"I'm not denying myself the chance to fall in love! I'm denying ever feeling heartbroken over someone who doesn't matter!" Tink tried to argue back, but you just groaned in response.

"And if you never meet the one? You'll just live and die without ever letting yourself even get a taste of what it is you're chasing." Tink glared, knowing it was futile to keep going, but the pink of her cheeks told you that the grog in her system was trying to get her to keep fighting.

It was then that a familiar tall figure caught your eye. There was your beloved captain Crocodile, trying to sneak behind everyone's back to grab another bottle for himself.

Crocodile was never much one for festivities, at least not one 'undeserved' as he might put it. While there was no battle won to celebrate, the night sky was clear and the waters calm; in the Grand Line, shouldn't that be enough to be happy about?

However tonight you weren't going to let him sneak booze and hide from the crew.

"Cap'n!" Apparently the grog was getting to you as well. "Come over here and help me crush Tink's dream of a soulmate!" You laughed as Tink gasped at your audacity. The rest of your company seemed more or less happy with how the night was going, but your captain was still less than enthused to join.

"If this is the same soulmate debate you've been going on about for the past 3 years, I will pass again. You already know my feelings on the matter." Crocodile's deep voice reverberated across the deck of the ship. Even if he wasn't giving orders, he still commanded the attention of everyone within earshot.

He gave a long drag of the bottle in his hand, and then turned to walk away. However you felt it was your duty as first mate to pester your captain into spending casual time with his crew.

"I may know your opinion, but would you be so kind and gracious to remind the rest of the crew? Perhaps?" You called out to the dark coat trying to run from the party, and saw him pause, then turn to walk back.

You could see some of the newer additions to the crew cower. You didn't blame them, Crocodile was an imposing figure, and was developing a infamous reputation as a pirate on the Grand Line. But he was your captain, and he would never hurt his crew, this you knew.

"If I ever met my soulmate," Crocodile began, "I assume it would be when I attempt to kill them." He took another sip from his bottle. This was one of the rare moments he was not puffing a cigar you suddenly realize. It made his face look younger, as though he was actually a man in his 20s as he claimed he was.

As though he knew you were thinking of him, Crocodile made eye contact with you. "When I realize I can't kill them, I'll call out for you." You felt your heart skip a beat. "Then you can finish them for me."

It was purely the grog's fault for making your face warm. The lack of a sea breeze was also suddenly apparent. But you couldn't be flustered, not when you were the one who asked for this answer.

You smiled, doing your best to brush off the tension. You were still maintaining eye contact with him after all. "Well there you have it. Not exactly the opinion I remember, but I hope I can live up to your expectations, Cap'n."

Crocodile nodded, then told you all to start to sober up or get to bed. "I don't need a crew of drunks on the Grand Line, or else we will never make it to the New World."

Your crew began to disperse and you went below deck to your cabin. You really hadn't had much to drink that night, yet your chest felt tight.

You thought you had learned your lesson, but no. Even after promising yourself you wouldn't, you became attached to your crew. Even after your last one fell apart. Even after you watched your first captain, your savior, be executed, you fucked up and dove straight into a different crew expecting it to be different.

You laid down in your bed, staring at the ceiling, the world slightly spinning. Suddenly all you can think about is when you met Croc.

-

It was little more than 3 years ago now, wasn't it? A whole 3 years since Roger died. The weight is still heavy in your chest, but not nearly as devastating as it was in Logue Town that day. You were a wreck, physically and emotionally.

After watching the execution, you were too heartbroken to join the others in pursuit of the One Piece. Your world has just officially ended, the crew was technically already disbanded, but now there was no hope of getting it back.

You ended up in some local bar. No one recognized you, and in the haze of all the excitement following Roger's death, why would they? You had just been some nobody apprentice who happened to stick on his ship after Roger saved your life.

But your sorrow did catch someone's eye.

You sat at the counter of this dive bar in Logue Town, mindlessly stirring whatever number drink sat in front of you now. You had run out of tears, and sat stuck in some frozen state of grief.

However, this sad portrait of yourself did not seem to deter someone from sitting next to you.

You paid them no mind, just staring into empty space, not enough energy to even remember you were still alive.

"You were a member of the Pirate King's crew weren't you?"

A deep voice rattled from the stranger, but it was his words that really caught your attention.

"How'd you figure?" You had paused your stirring at first, but now focused on your drink to avoid eye contact. You were a mess, you could feel your puffy eyes, and were still sniffling every so often.

"There's no reason anyone in this town should be sad that someone like him died. So, you must have known him, right?" The deep voice continued, and you could feel their eyes staring, but didn't have the strength to meet them.

"Well, you caught me. Going to take me in and see if you can get a reward? I'm afraid you won't find any posters of me though. I tended to get lost in the crowd, you could say." After that statement you finally grasped the glass in front of you and decided to knock back what was left. If this was the end of your little pirating career, so be it. It can die with Roger.

"Will you join my crew?"

Your head snapped up at that, and you finally looked up at the stranger.

Long black hair was slicked back to show all the sharp features of the man's face. A strong square jaw, a prominent, perfect nose, and pale, piercing eyes, hooded by thin black eyebrows. Undoubtedly, even in your drunken haze, you were sure sober you would agree the man was handsome.

After a moment to take in this stranger all you could manage was a "Excuse me?"

He smiled - no, smirked - and pulled a cigar out from his coat. "I could use someone with your experience on my crew." He carried on, as if you were discussing the weather outside. He lit the cigar with a lighter you hadn't noticed him pull out. Perhaps it was the booze, but looking at this guy, he almost seemed… fuzzy, around the edges.

"Having someone who once worked for the Pirate King should help me become the next Pirate King."

The stranger took a long drag from his cigar, then exhaled over the counter. You didn't know where the barkeep was now, but at the moment, it felt like you and him were the only people in the building.

You should be mad. Enraged at the audacity of someone to come up to you on the worst day of your life, and to ask you to work for them. But you felt nothing.

No. That wasn't right. You did feel something.

You chuckled. Giggled even. A small laugh that built up till you were laughing, nearly hysterically. You hadn't felt like this sort of light headed elation in a long time, and it was nice.

After taking a moment to catch your breath you finally looked back at the stranger. He didn't look upset at your reaction. He just kept smoking his cigar, waiting for an answer.

"I'm afraid I didn't catch your name."

"I am Sir Crocodile, captain of the Neverland Pirates."

"Hmmm. Well, Sir Crocodile, I can tell you now that you have no chance of being Pirate King." You smirked back at him, propping your head up on your hand as you leaned against the counter.

This response still didn't bother the man. If anything, you swore he almost seemed… satisfied by your answer. Perhaps he knows what's coming next.

"I can help you out on the Grand Line and maybe help you get to the New World, but I promise," you leaned in towards this captain, staring him down. "You will never be the man Roger was. No one will."

Yet Crocodile was unperturbed.

"So you'll join my crew?"

You leaned back and reassessed your empty glass. You cast a quick glance at the bar and then back at the other pirate.

"Sure. I don't have anything better to do anyways."

-

You thought back in Logue Town you could never feel the same way about Crocodile's crew that you felt with Roger's, but you were always the fool. Now you are attached.

Now you need a reason to leave.

You couldn't waste your time or your heart with them. You had already died once with Roger, and if you stayed any longer you know you could never leave alive. You got up from bed - still plenty tipsy you swayed over - to your dresser.

Middle drawer, back left, underneath some no longer worn t-shirts was a small box. You opened it.

There were several small scraps of paper. Vivre cards.

As a child on Roger's boat, you were ecstatic to learn about vivre cards. A simple way to know the people you loved were alive and safe, and be able to find their exact location? It was too good to be true.

When you remember the feeling of Roger's paper burning in your hands at his execution, you knew the reality of vivre cards.

Your fingertips gently sorted through the papers you had made for some of Roger's crew. Each had a tiny name written in a corner. Shanks, Buggy, Ray, Gaban, Oden, and a few others of people who had been most important to you.

Maybe you could leave this crew and seek out the others. Rayleigh had always said he would retire at Sabaody, and your crew was bound to get there soon, hopefully in a couple months. The ache in your chest; you missed your old family. This could be the excuse you needed.

With a heavy sigh you closed the box and hid it away again. Sleeping on it would be good. Sleeping away the booze would also be nice.

Maybe then the tears would stop silently slipping down your face.

-

It turns out the excuse of seeing your old crew was unneeded. The news coo was kind enough to drop a reason to leave directly in your lap.

You stared at the newspaper for a long moment. The sinking feeling in your gut still did not go away.

You walked up to the bow where Crocodile was standing. He stared at the horizon as you approached the next island, Water 7.

"Captain."

Crocodile turned to look at you, face neutral, signature cigar in his mouth.

"Morning. The news any good?"

"They want to make you a Warlord."

Your own feelings were swept under the rug as your crewmates overheard. Instantly the deck was buzzing, the news spreading and making the once sleepy, slightly hungover crew come back to life.

"This is perfect!" The helmsman Diat yelled, a grin wide on his face. "Not only do we get the Marines off our back, it's recognition that we are some of the strongest pirates on the Grand Line!"

You would have laughed at him if not for the ice in your chest. Similar celebratory remarks were made all around you, but you didn't have the strength to pretend this was good news to you.

All you could feel was an icy feeling on your back, right where you had a large scar that tore up a long faded tattoo. But time could not get rid of the mark you could never forget about, no matter how much you wanted to.

Amid the spontaneous party you finally turned back to Crocodile. Amidst it all, he was still only looking at you.

Your words were quiet compared to the raucous around you, but your captain heard you just fine.

"If you become a Warlord I'm leaving the crew."

A couple of nearby crew gasped, heads whipped in your direction and murmurs quickly took place of all the yells.

Instantly protests, people yelling your name, yelling their arguments, but it all fell on deaf ears as you stared down your captain.

Tink of all people knew it was futile to argue with you, and turned to the man of the hour. "Captain! You can't just let your first mate leave!"

Before she could continue, Crocodile interjected. "You never planned on making me King of the Pirates, right? So you never planned on staying on this ship anyways."

This evoked even more protests from the crowd. Many of them weren't sure what you two were talking about, and some had begun to yell again.

The sounds were starting to be overwhelming, and this was not a conversation that required the whole crew anyways.

"That's enough from everyone!" You yelled over the cacophony. The crew went quiet. "This is a conversation for me and the captain, the rest of you need to beat it! Do something useful, we will make a port soon."

The crowd was not placated in the least, but it was true the ship would be docked soon, and there were things that needed to be prepared beforehand.

"You heard them. Get back to work." Crocodile finished your command, and the crowd dispersed. You knew they would still be listening, but it didn't stop you.

"I refuse to be part of a crew that works alongside the Marines. If you become a Warlord you automatically become their dog - then you may as well be a dog of the celestial dragons." Your tongue burned even at the mention of the world nobles.

Crocodile took a long drag of his cigar. He looked away from you and sighed an exhale of smoke, then dragged his line of sight back to you.

"I haven't decided yet."

You bristled at this. "Are you suggesting they already offered this to you? And I had to find out through a newspaper?"

Crocodile took yet another drag, and you lost your patience with his nicotine addiction. "Answer me Crocodile."

Your captain sighed through his nose this time, some of the smoke reaching you, a familiar smell after all these years. It once may have been a nice fragrance, knowing your captain was near, but now it blinded you and stoked your anger.

"We are almost to Water 7. Let's save it for there."

-

Tensions were high, especially between you and Crocodile, when your mood worsened when he disappeared while you oversaw the docking. But you docked. You got the crew into a hotel. During this time the crew began splitting into sides, which was not something you had anticipated. But you ignored it all until finally, Crocodile returned and you cornered him into in a room alone with you.

He had no cigar, and you had no drink in hand. It was a painfully sober room.

Crocodile sighed and slumped into an armchair. He dragged his eyes across the room till they met yours. You refused to look away this time, jaw set with determination to stand your ground.

"I don't want to be the Marine's dog," Croc began. "But they offered me a deal."

"The deal that our crimes are excused? Big whoop, as long as we don't get caught it's almost the same."

"No," he sighed, a large ring covered hand dragging down his face in exasperation. "A deal to help take down Whitebeard."

That got you silent. For a moment, as you recalled every time you saw Roger and Whitebeard exchange blows and fight for days on end.

"You? Take down Whitebeard?" You laughed, but it was a dry and bitter thing. "Your bounty is $81 million berries. Your devil fruit is great and all, but it is by no means fight and beat Whitebeard good. Even if Newgate was without his crew, our entire crew would be wiped off the map. You've lost it if you truly believe that this is achieveable."

Crocodile glared from across the room. Not his usual, perpetual glare, but a genuine, freeze you in your tracks ice cold glare.

He stood up, all 8 feet imposing over you as he stalked across the room. "I have let you say plenty of cruel things to me, but this may cross the line."

But you were his first mate and you couldn't fear him if you were supposed to talk sense into him. "Cross the line? I'm not the one who is making deals with the Navy so I can sail us to our deaths at the hands of Whitebeard!" You were yelling now, no, roaring at your foolish headstrong captain.

"If you take that ship and that crew as it is now to the New World to fight Whitebeard and his sons, no one will come back alive!" Your heart was on fire with rage and frozen in fear. Rage at your captain, who is very much overestimating his abilities. Fear for your crewmates who have no idea what sort of danger their captain was going to put them in.

Crocodile was now truly enraged on the same level as you. He sneered down at you as he suddenly grabbed you by the neck - much to your shock. "I wanted you there to see me become the next Pirate King. But if you can't support me for this, one of the biggest moments in my life since I've been a pirate, then I have no need for you anymore."

With his free hand he opened the door that was behind you. A group of Marines walked in with cuffs ready. "To sweeten the deal, what better than to give a former Roger pirate to the Navy?"

You felt all the blood drain from your face, as fear for your own well being finally pierced your heart. You looked up at Crocodile, and you could feel tears begin to creep at the corner of your eyes. "You never fail to surprise me, Captain."

"Well done Sir Crocodile." One of the Marines spoke, and you could tell from their uniform it was a Vice Admiral, though you didn't recognize them.

"A public execution of a Roger's pirate should be a grand way to ring in your instatement as Warlord."

You felt the world slow down around you and felt Crocodile's grip on your neck slip at the Marine's sentencing.

Crocodile began to speak, "That was not what we agreed on," But your ears had begun to ring.

Growing up on the Oro Jackson, you had picked up some neat tricks. You found out you were hopeless with the color of observation haki, but had a special knack for color of arms. Perfect against those darn logia fruit users.

In a blink of an eye you ripped Crocodile's arm away from your neck and you made a mad dash past him. And jumped straight through a window, glass and all.

You could vaguely hear a commotion behind you as Marines ran after you, but it was lost with the ringing in your ears.

You could hear and feel your heartbeat, pounding throughout your body as you ran through the endless alleys and canals of Water 7. You could feel tears pierce through the wind rushing past your face as you ran, desperately with no objective.

All you could think about was the way the heat of Crocodile's hand felt on your neck, the cold metal of the rings that had pressed against your pulse.

Have you ever really touched Crocodile before?

…

You missed him. You didn't understand why. He had just betrayed you - fucking hell, he was just handing you over to the Navy as part of his deal to become a warlord, but god. You wanted to be with him anyways. You're not sure how long you've been in love with him; his sharp eyes, the smell of his cigars, the rings on his hands, but gods above.

You had fallen in love with Crocodile.

In your realization you slowed down. Your legs and lungs burned, you were gasping for air and not just because you had been running.

Has it always been this dark? When did the day leave you behind?

You now stood in some nondescript alley, dimly lit a golden hue by windows that lined it. It was a long alley, each end blocked by canals. How you arrived there you weren't certain. But you weren't alone.

At one end sand had appeared. And from it stepped your dear, awful captain Crocodile. You both stared at each other, both of you panting for breath.

"I didn't want it to be like this." Crocodile's voice cuts through the air to you. You knew you should run. But for some reason you couldn't find the strength.

"I didn't know they would execute you. I imagined they would send you to Impel Down." Crocodile continued to speak. You just stood there and listened as he walked towards you.

As you watched him, there was a strange look on his face. You've seen it before but still didn't know what it meant.

He stopped walking ten feet in front of you. The light was still too dim to see him clearly, but it was fine. You knew his face well enough.

"I won't let the Navy kill you. Not after what the nobles did to you, it feels wrong." You had never told Crocodile what the scar on your back was. It didn't feel like it mattered anymore.

"I think I'll feel better about this if I'm the one who kills you."

You knew this was coming. The second you saw him at the end of the alley. But you agreed with him. If you had to die at someone's hands, you would pick Crocodile over anyone else. Even if it meant he didn't feel the same about you, it didn't matter anymore. You were so tired.

It would be nice to see Roger again.

But then Rayleigh's face flashed in your mind. You still had to pay him a visit. You still had to visit Wano to see Oden. You wanted to see Shanks and Buggy find the One Piece.

You couldn't see Roger just yet.

So, in a sudden scramble, you turned around and ran.

The ground where you had been standing suddenly crumbled. You felt a gasp finally escape your lungs as you realized you almost gave up. But not yet. You had to save your crew too.

Then you finally ran out of luck. The dim light hid a hole in the cobblestones and you fell to the alley ground. You quickly twisted your body just in time to see Crocodile's scythe of sand arc straight towards you.

It hits you right in the chest, and crumbles to dust.

Confused, you run your hands through the sand that has landed on your lap. You're not cut in half - instead you just have sand all over you.

Crocodile change his mind? He was letting you go? Thoughts and heart still racing, you looked up at him.

Oh.

Oh no.

The horror on his face was plain to see - that was supposed to be a killing blow.

But he didn't hurt you.

Your hand jumped to your neck from when he grabbed you earlier. But in retrospect, you had just been shocked by the action, he hadn't harmed you.

Crocodile didn't hurt you.

No.

Crocodile couldn't hurt you.

Because he was your soulmate.

It was the look on his face that hurt you the most. The disgust, anger, horror - this man did not want a soulmate. He did not want you. So why bother sticking around?

You scrambled back to your feet. Even if he couldn't hurt you, the Marines still could.

So, with blurry eyes and a heavy heart, you ran away.

Faintly, you heard a painfully familiar voice call your name, but then all that was left was the wind as you ran.

pt. 2 (if you want, but this might be better as a one shot)

[sugar-omi]

I hate myself for thinking this but, what if MC finds out she’s pregnant and the first thing in her mind is that she’s fucking up Cove’s future. So instead of telling him she just breaks up with him and shuts herself away from him so he can’t convince her that they’ll work it out. Now Cove has no clue why the love of his life just broke his poor heart. Skip to five years later, Cove comes back to surprise visit his dad but surprise there’s MC, Cliff and a little five year old boy that looks way too much like Cove. Like I’m talking copy and paste that’s a little Cove

oh my fucking god.... i. pls i have some thoughts but also OUCH. BIG OUCH

mmm i'm not gonna make a full fic/detailed post... maybe later if we're all itching for some angst or i'm up for causing more heart ache n then i am very much open to expanding on this (already thinking abt cove getting to know his son.... omfg my heart HURTS)

but i wonder how MC "gets away" (for lack 'a better words) with not telling cove about the kid.

because i can tell you right now, cliff and kyra can't know about it and keep it a secret. not for 5 years at least.

so does she beg everyone in her family to keep it a secret? i think that's the best bet. moms would really prefer Not to keep it a secret, but they also can't force you to tell cove...

but i also don't see them letting 5 years without cove at least knowing, go by either... they'd try to keep the secret, but seeing cove's sad face would break them quickly, if not instantly.

also your friends!!! god, they can not keep a secrete to save their life, especially that big. so you can tell them, but expect the news to find its way back to cove in about.. mmm... 4 hours? so yeah....

anyway!!! lets say that your family kept the secret...

i think your son would eventually start asking about his dad. he sees how you and your family react to him, hears all the mumbling about how he looks so much like... "cove"? when you think he's in the other room.

and he sees how sometimes you look sad and how you slowly and tenderly run your fingers through his hair. and how sometimes you tell him "yknow, daddy has hair just like yours."

and when he asks why you're sad, if you respond with something along the lines of "you look just like your dad, thats all."

or even if you say that in response when he asks what his dad looks like (if you haven't shown him pictures), or if he overhears you saying he looks like this "cove" guy

you notice he starts looking at himself more often... maybe even asking, "does daddy have green hair like mine?" "are his eyes really blue, just like mine?" "does he wear glasses too?" and still in awe that he and this man he's never met, but already seems to adore him (as much as a toddler can adore someone they don't know), share the same features.

and if you show him pictures of cove, which i hope you do, but if you don't, don't worry because your son will probably realize "he has green hair like me!!!!" and he'd either run up to enthuse about it or run up to ask him if he's his daddy bc they have the same hair color... or just call him daddy n if anyone tries to argue about it, wdym?! they have the same hair color, what more do you need?!

so hopefully, cove is the only man with specifically seafoam green hair. otherwise, you're shitting yourself every time your son runs off to meet his green-haired-brethern

anyway. I think all your sons questions, and seeing pictures, knowing that he shares so many traits with cove, and seeing you miss him.

oh god, seeing you sad would make him insist so so much on seeing cove.

"if we meet daddy, will you be happy again?"

also can't believe I almost forgot.. your son being sad about not having a dad, and being jealous of other kids for spending time with their dad, etc.

he'd ask you questions about why he doesn't have a dad, n if he does. why isn't he around? and a real heartbreaker.. does daddy hate him? does he not love him? is that why he isn't here?

so I guess that means it's time to go back to sunset bird! and finally explain why you moved away n never looked back, and why you don't talk to anyone but your parents from back then...

now I won't get into everything right now (im a fuckin liar. I can feel a tangent coming on)

but I wanna talk abt how cove would feel, just a bit, and how I think your future with him would look...

I think at first, he'd be really shocked, seeing this carbon copy of his much younger self. the only thing telling him that his 4-5 year old self didn't jump out of one of his many childhood pictures,

is any birthmarks or beauty marks that maybe you have, or the boys hair being curlier than his, or his skin tone, or maybe he has your nose. whatever it is, he knows he's looking at the imperfect combination of you and him.

(cove's heart is beating outta his chest right now, n you're lucky he only stumbles instead of fainting, because this really is a shock... but that deeper part inside of him, that egotistical, primal almost, part of his heart swells up at the thought, the reality. that his son looks mostly, if not entirely like him.)

but after shock, he's sad. I think he'd be really sad, because he realizes that this is why you broke up right? and no matter how in control of your emotions you think you may be, your wide eyes show how afraid, nervous, and sad you are. he knows. he knows without even talking to you and it hurts

and after he gets past the anger and confusion stage, maybe even in between in fact- which would be more natural since, I think he'd feel this all at once but that's besides the point

he'd be really sad he missed all his sons milestones. walking, first words... God he probably dreams about it (when he does eventually fall asleep), and now his heart is tugging at the seams and the seams are RIPPING.

he also starts thinking about how hard it must've been doing it by yourself. and going through all that without him, your partner.

but maybe you didn't rely on him like he relied on you? maybe you didn't trust him like he did you, maybe you just... didn't need him. like he needed you.

you did break up afterall, and you never let him know about the kid until now, so maybe you thought he'd be a failure of a father and nipped it in the bud before disaster struck...

but I also think that's where anger comes in. because you didn't tell him. he didn't have a choice at all.

he knows he had a tendency to hesitate or run away, but he thinks really hard about it, and he knows he wouldn't have ran away from this.

leaving you alone would scare him a lot more than being a father. being a bad or absent father would scare him a lot more than trying to be a good one. knowingly abandoning a life he helped create, would scare him so much more. he wouldn't be able to sleep otherwise.

so while he gets it. he doesn't get why you didn't try.

and if you explain that you worried about ruining his future, he's so upset and so mad because how could you make that choice for him? how could you take on the burden alone?

this is also where confusion merges in, because while the answers are so obvious or easy to guess, he just can't believe it. he doesn't wanna believe it...

now about your future...

cove still loves you. he's loved you his whole life, it's hard to stop even 5 years later... and seeing you, it makes his heart throb because he's dreamed about this for many nights.

you broke up with him without giving any answers. you even up and moved by the end of the week so when he tried to give you space, before talking to you, it was too late. your room was pretty much void of every sign of life.

you took all your treasured items, your clothes- spare some youd been meaning to get rid of, your pictures, your hobby items. everything. he's surprised you didn't just take the bed and frame.

he's surprised you didn't just carve out his heart n take it with you, because if it's still in his chest, why does it feel so hollow?...

it'd take a really long time to even think of a romantic relationship. if at all. maybe cove's even accepted the break up at some point, depending on how long you'd been together. but if you'd been together since you were 13, it's a hard pill to swallow. bc you can put up with his angsty teenage self, what changed...?

I think seeing you be a parent, and so adored by your son, warms up his heart. makes him fall in love a bit at the sight.

it's not instant, he's getting to know you again. and getting to know this life that he didn't even know was waiting for him.

it's a good 2 or 3 years of figuring out this mess until it becomes something that makes sense. or as much sense as it can make. and if there's still something there, no matter how miniscule. it will catch fire.

now about the kiddo... he's so scared. and I hope you took a few days of talking with cove, and prbly cliff n Kyra bc they have a lotta feelings n thoughts on this too, before you try to integrate cove into his life.

it's small. cove meeting you at the park, and either your son is asking cove a billion questions (both abt why the sky is blue, and awkward questions abt why he wasn't present before...)

or he's trying to drag him on the monkey bars (doesn't work, cove's feet are on the ground still....)

or he's sitting silently on the blanket, reading, occasionally showing cove his favorite scene of the picture book or making him pronounce a word

but it does get bigger, it becomes lunch-n-movie dates, spending the night at your house (at your son's insistence. prbly bc he didn't want him to leave after a fun day), then cove taking him out alone..

it's a lot. and sometimes it feels like you're going backwards or that you're not moving at all because it's hard, for awhile. and even though his dad is on speed dial, there's not enough information he can give cove in how to take care of and deal with a kid he just met a few months ago.

especially a kid who already has a bit of personality, is hell on wheels (like most 5 year olds), possibly has many questions n sometimes problems with cove suddenly being here... it's a lot. n cliff can't help with any of it really.

he does get comfortable, eventually. although there's still times when he's sad, sometimes even angry about what happened, and all he's missed out on, he's so so happy to not miss out on anything else.

[zerokaram]

I just wanna take a moment to make a few points regarding zionists, tlou, and palestine.

No one should stay silent about this, especially not tlou creators, considering that neil druckman has unfortunately managed to incorporate and slip in very controversial and quite frankly--just straight up wrong representations of palestinian people and zionist ideologies in tlou. Heres an explanation to that:link

If you're either fucking ignorant or just living under a rock, (but considering the publicity of the situation at hand, is very unlikely) there is a genocide going on in palestine. If you didn't know, (which is very, VERY unlikely, like i said) you do now. Furthermore; now that we have this in mind, I have seen many people in the tlou fandom continue to post and interact with tlou content during strikes and most the most important of all--not posting or spreading awareness about palestine at ALL. If you are aware of the genocide, speak about it. Theres no fucking excuse to not be doing so. If you are not speaking out, you are a part of the problem.

2. I'm not saying you only have to post about palestine. That's not it at all. What i'm saying is---there can be a balance between posting your own personal content as well as posting and spreading awareness about palestine at the same time. Absolutely everyone can find the time to post about palestine.

3. If you are in the tlou fandom, please educate yourself. It is still okay to like tlou, it is still okay to post about it, to post content, fics, etc. but with that comes the responsibility of knowing the creators wrong doings, and how israeli themes are incorporated into the game. it is always important to clarify that you do not support that part of tlou, which is what I am doing now. Bottom line, separate the art from the artist, seperate the wrong ideologies from the art.

4. Acknowledgement. There might be questions like, "why keep posting about or liking, interacting, or overall just giving publicity to tlou content?" which to that I will explain. It has to be first and foremost that everyone as well as myself continues to acknowledge the fact that tlou was made by a zionist. That is absolutely a fact. And no amount of fics, smut, or shit like that is gonna change that. But people don't LIKE tlou for that. people dont POST tlou content because they want to spread zionist ideology. They simply just post scenarios, fics, or drabbles about their favorite characters from said video game. So posting about tlou and its characters will not benefit zionists or spread their ideology individually (unless they ARE in fact saying that they support it) , nor neil druckman. But what WILL benefit him is buying any more of the games, which please---you should not do. The money goes to a horrible person like him, and that fact should be acknowledged. So continuing to post about characters from tlou like abby, ellie, dina, joel--stuff like that, theres nothing wrong with that. But failing to acknowledge or want to acknowledge that the TLOU creator is problematic, and that neil druckman has included zionist ideology in TLOU, as well as not spreading awareness about palestine when you, yourself, are aware, is what is wrong.

And I really did hope this would go without saying but unfortunately some people cant seem to fucking understand; people are dying. let that sink in. and you're over here worrying about fictional pussy? be so fucking for real. if you're mad about people flooding tlou tags to spread awareness, go cry about it.

If I have said absolutely anything out of line in this, PLEASE let me know. I am always wanting to further educate myself about serious matters like this, so my comments are always open.

[ghostflowerhotpotch]

Growing pains

Summary: How did Jeff and Rio feel knowing Miles was sneaking out with a girl?

Jeff's rant became background noise as she lifted the sweater in confusion.

It wasn't Miles, not just because it wasn't his size (she had needed to buy so many new clothes with his growth spur that she would know) but it was...feminine, she could even smell faintly some perfume.

Whoever left it was using it recently.

"-Babe are you backing me up in this one or what?" 

Rio snapped back to reality as she felt her husband's hand on her shoulder, he looked at her still kind of upset yet more curious as to why she hasn't moved from that spot.

"Jeff, where is this from?" She asks immediately, not paying attention to whatever he has been insisting on her.

Arching an eyebrow, he didn't look too much into the item before shrugging with disinterest "I don't know, I normally let him choose whatever he wants as long as the price is okay; a better question is why his room is such a mess, maybe we should ground him an extra month for that-"

"Jeff" She called him again, trying to distract him from his authoritative-dad ideas "This isn't his, it has to belong to a girl."

The moment the word 'girl' came out of her mouth he seemed even more puzzled. Giving an actual look at the item from his wife's hands, he was trying to remember if he has seen it before "Does it belong to one of your nieces maybe?"

"I didn't remember seeing any of them using this, why it would be here anyways? We let the guest put their coats in the entrance, and I don't think either Ana or Camila would just leave this in Miles's bed for no reason."

As they both realized they couldn't recall anyone who could have this sweater, finally the other possible explanation popped into their minds. Not because it wasn't obvious, but more like-

"Is this happening now? It isn't too soon?"

"No, no no no, no way that boy brought a girl to our house, to his room, all while he is grounded." Just as quickly, Jeff was getting worked out again about this outrage.

Miles comes late (again,) with cakes that are falling apart, refuses to talk to them, and now he is hearing how he left his room to be with a girl?

Rio couldn't believe it either.

"This can't be right- He is too young to think of that!" She replied in disbelief.

She felt her husband's gaze rest on her as she stopped looking at the item (who could belong to? Maybe one of Miles's old friends from the neighborhood? As far she knew he stopped hanging out with everyone around here,) and saw the face Jeff always puts when he isn't sure how to tell her something.

"What?"

And her snappier response didn't seem to make him more confident about saying it.

"I mean- Look, don't get me wrong, we are both on the same side here" He prefaces, he needed to reserve all his energy to think how to get to that boy's skull that he couldn't do whatever he wanted, not to mention that when Rio got angry even he got scared. "But, he is fifteen honey."

"Yeah! A baby!"

"Well, not so baby, I mean at his age I was-"

The pointed look of Rio was all the information he needed to know he SHOULDN'T end that sentence.

"What I am trying to say, is that he is getting to a certain age mi amor, we cannot stop that."

Rio's shoulders fell, realizing how tense she was getting and this wasn't even going into how disobedient her son has been getting lately. As she looked towards the room (which was indeed a mess,) she saw the toys laying around, notebooks of old drawings pilled over the new ones that show his progress, she could almost see him as a toddler running around with a cape.

That felt like it was yesterday.

And now she had the sweater of a girl she doesn't know in her hands, in Miles' room.

Where did her little boy go?

.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.

Since the Wip poll won, I decided to post this little thing that was actually, my first fic for this fandom.

I never got to publish it because it was missing two other scenes, but I decided to scrap it since the third one felt a bit too crazy, so I would do that idea for another thing.

So now while this is technically not a wip, I decided to publish it since I don't have any works in progress I can give sneak peaks for now.

Thanks for reading!

[babyhatesreality]

Hi there love!

I know you know who I am by that sentence and I could ask this without being anonymous but I don’t feel comfortable doing that I think you’ll understand why after reading this…

Okay so, recently I posted a fic who was asked about one of daddies waking up little reader with kisses on her 🐱 ect, you know what I mean ?

And I just had some hate about that because people didn’t read the warnings nor the warnings tags which made me really insecure and it also made me feel bad about all kind of things.

I don’t regret posting it because I love pleasing people in posting their requests but it just made me feel.. low, you know ?

And I wanted to know if you would be comfortable about writing a fic for me ?

I let you write whatever you want, let your mind flies but I just want to see in the fics lots of fluff by daddies, comfort, kisses, I need the reader to feel really little because I need to feel little right now and because of the hate I don’t know how

Thank you so much for even considering it, love! You’re an amazing writer and I know I already told you that but I tell you again now. Your fics are amazing and it always make me feel good

I love you!

Kisses,

Anonymous 💜

My love. I got you <3

Sparkle

Pairing: Daddy!Stucky x little f! reader

Warnings: DDLG (SSC), f! reader, nicknames, reader is named but name scarcely used, sad baby, means internet words, angst, comfort, fluffity fluff fluff fluff.

YOU ARE RESPONSIBLE FOR YOUR OWN MEDIA CONSUMPTION. THIS STORY IS SFW- THE REST OF MY BLOG IS NOT NECESSARILY SO. MINORS DNI. I DO NOT CONSENT FOR MY WORK TO BE STOLEN, COPIED, OR TRANSLATED ONTO ANY OTHER SITE BUT MY OWN. Likes, comments and reblogs are deeply appreciated. 

You shouldn't have gone onto the computer without your daddies. You always regretted it, and today was definitely no exception. But you'd been bored and forgotten.

You'd seen the stupid click-bait article but had been unable to resist. The lies, the insinuations, the straight up nastiness from people who had never met your daddies, let alone you, was astounding. That people felt it was okay to be this mean, this condescending, this nasty about someone else, while they were sitting pretty, safely behind their crumb-filled keyboards. You didn't want to think about it. But it kept drilling its way into your mind.

You tried everything to take your mind off it- watching Tangled, playing with Jellybean, coloring, drawing, building Legos, but nothing was working. You finally crawled into your closet, buried yourself under a blanket, and cried.

When Steve and Bucky came home, they were unnerved to find that their precious hyperactive angel didn't come running to greet them. They found you pretty quickly, getting you out from the closet and holding you close. They'd seen the iPad on your bed, and from a brief search history figured out the trigger pretty quickly.

Steve held you so tight in his arms, after wrapping your favorite yellow blanket around you. He rested his cheek on the top of your head and murmured soft things into your ear.

"Baby, you know what you read isn't true. These people don't know us or you. They are being mean because they think they are allowed to have a say in our lives. But that's wrong. They don't get a say. It only matters what you say, what I say, what Daddy says. And Daddy and I love you so much that we don't ever, EVER, want to be apart from you. We know that you're the best thing that ever happened to us. You make us so happy. You make so many people so happy, and that's just by being you. We don't want anyone else, and we don't want things to change. We love the way you sparkle."

As Steve was holding you, Bucky was making one of your favorite comfort meals- grilled cheese with tomato soup. You all had an impromptu picnic on the living room floor. Steve transferred you to Bucky's lap so he could spend some time reassuring you. He gently fed you bites of the sandwich and spoonfuls of soup.

"Papa is right, you know," Bucky said, wiping the tiniest bit of soup off your chin, before feeding you another bite of sandwich. "You're our best girl, baby. There's no one else, there never will be anyone else. And anyone who thinks that we're all wrong, never mattered in the first place. They don't get to decide our lives. They don't have any power over us at all. And they never will. You keep sparkling on, just like you always have. Okay?"

When you gave a shy, soft smile and a nod in return, they smiled their best Daddy and Papa smiles at you. Neither one of them put you down for the rest of the night except at bath time, and even then they always had one hand on you. You got to eat cookies in bed with them while they read your two stories each.

And you realized- your sparkle is what makes you unique. The way you laugh, and play, and giggle, and create- that's what they loved about you. And absolutely no one could take that away. You were- and would always be- loved for your sparkle.

[yesimwriting]

hello! I was hoping for a Joel miller imagine where the reader gets hit on in a bar when she’s dating Joel and he sees this and confronts the guy and hits him because he’s aggressive and is all protective over the reader!

I love your writing and this would be amazing thank you xx

A/n first joel request,, slay

update: watched the new episode, bill and frank, still crying 

i feel like this gives post outbreak joel a little more bc of the physical protectiveness,, but i can't remember if there's much/any descriptions of like literal bars in the QZ,, i've only watched the show and i don't remember seeing details,, like ik there's alc/pills available, but actual bars??

idk it's possible i've missed it or forgot bc i have terrible memory

so enjoy my 'makeshift' bar concept as i try my best to deviate from canon as much as possible

not to shamelessly self promo,, but if you like this fic i have another joel fic with what i feel like is a more developed version of this dynamic (bc it’s longer and more internal monologue centered) here and i’m making a part 2 for it so if you like these vibes and want something similar, it’s there, it exists :) 

----

You're staring again, and trying your hardest to convince yourself that you're not. It's more than pointless, it's bordering on ridiculous.

Joel Miller is not some fleeting crush that’d fit somebody in grade school better than it’d fit you. Not anymore. You know what you are. You've had a talk. The kind of talk that you didn't think existed anymore in this world.

It wasn't exactly the rom-com 'what are we', but after a man Joel was dealing with got a little too friendly, it led to an argument. One you didn't fully understand, especially since Tess practically lived by his side.

Don't pretend, you might come off as all innocent, but you're too smart to be that naive. Men like that only have one intention.

And that had rightfully infuriated you, because after weeks of lingering touches that could be justified with a few words but never were and all the goddamn looks, he had no right to lecture you about another man's intentions with you. His intentions don't matter because that has no affect on me and who I am. Why the fuck does it even matter?

Why does it matter? It had been this subtle scoff of a response that made you take a step back. That made your back brush against the wall of his apartment. Because I don't want other men like that lookin' at you, let alone speaking to you.

The world stopped spinning on its axis and all the air preparing to leave your lungs was trapped with no where to go. Too many implications. 'Other men like that', the inclusion of himself in men that had those intentions. Maybe even more importantly, the implication that he’s some sort of exception.

 Even more deafening, your response: Well maybe I wouldn't speak to them if you didn't entertain ev--

The rest of your sentence, whatever it would have been, was lost to his mouth on yours. A snapping of tension that took its time fizzling down to something less consuming. Something that allowed you both to talk enough to make it clear that Joel was yours and you were his.

It wasn't a magical snapping into place like it might have been in a world without the outbreak. In some ways, it added a new layer of hesitance, and in other ways it propelled you forward. There are growing pains with anything new, and the whole relationship thing is definitely new to you. Especially in this world.

If only you could get past staring. Maybe after Joel secures the whiskey-bourbon-hybrid whatever they're passing as alcohol these days from a less than trustworthy trading contact, you'll get buzzed enough to graduate to handholding, or at the very least, you'll be able to do something besides sit there.

You're starting to feel insane. How is making out easier than the small things? Maybe the setting is more at fault here than you. In the outside world, any form of attachment could easily be twisted into weakness. It’s likely best that you keep some distance from Joel here, especially with the way other men keep looking over at the two of you. 

It’s not like you’re never awkward about the little things when confined safely between the walls of Joel’s place, that’s slowly but surely starting to feel like it’s at least partially yours, as well. But the way you get in public is something else entirely. It’s probably for the best. There are already too many eyes on you. 

Like the guy with red hair that glints oddly in the yellow light of the stranger’s building. He’s swaying slightly, a dark looking glass in his hand that he’s yet to release in the entire time you’ve been here. Every time one of his friends leaves him, his gaze returns to yours. 

Your skin crawls each time, but you keep your expression as stoic as possible. Joel’s getting better at trusting you, better at letting you serve as a sort of backup in the way that Tess usually would. You know that if it came down to it, the man that keeps looking at you wouldn’t be an actual issue, and you know Tess wouldn’t let it get to her. 

Ugh. Another thing you want to get yourself to stop doing. Comparison. It’s ugly and so insignificant. Tess didn’t exactly welcome you with open arms when you first showed up, but you get that. And eventually she warmed a little. You think she’d still trade you for a few ration cards, but she doesn’t hate you. She’s, at the very least, no longer skeptical of you. The other day you caught her hiding a smile over a joke you made.

But it’s hard not to compare. They were the closest thing either of them had to a support system for years before you showed up, and you know that they’ve been together casually. Always casual. Joel stressed that part, but that doesn’t mean it’s an easy thing to know, especially now. 

You bury the thoughts the way you often do and turn your attention back to Joel. Back to staring. At least you’re consistent.

A man peaks out of the closet that seems to be the source of all the alcohol. He gestures vaguely in your direction. “That’s us,” Joel says, voice flat, “Wait here, I’ll be back.” 

Nodding as if to dismiss your own thoughts, you beg your mind to not create imaginary problems by reading into him telling you to stay. He’s walking a few feet away to get some boxes, it’s not the rejection insecurity is making it out to be. “I’ll hold down the fort, keep away trouble.” 

Joel blinks, turning his head in your direction briefly. The corner of his mouth turns up slightly, which is more of a reaction than he likes to give when in these kinds of places. He shifts his hand casually, his fingers brushing against yours briefly as he stands. The gesture is small but immediately dislodges the lump in your chest. 

“I’ll believe it when I see it.” It’s little more than a whisper, but there’s something hidden beneath the roughness of his tone. A pinch of lighthearted humor that’s only visible to you. 

It eases you even further. Joel turns away, moving behind the long table serving as a sort of bar counter. You tap your fingers against the surface without much thought, taking a second to absorb the easiness of it all. It’s rare that getting anything require so little. You don’t think anything’s ever come as easy as sitting on an uncomfortable bar stool. 

“So...” You blink, posture straightening as your eyes flit to the source of the sound. “Guard dog finally left you alone, princess?” 

Okay. Ew. Of course it’s the guy that’s been staring you down since you first sat down. You have to fight to not let your nose wrinkle. There’s no good in reacting, in escalating the situation. “Not a guard dog.” 

You hope that it’ll be enough to show that you’re not interested. “Aw, not feelin’ too friendly, baby.” Ew. You’re torn between cussing him out or actually punching him. Neither is an actual option. Places like these are a minefield and you refuse to be the one to set off a series of explosions. “Maybe you’ll cheer up after a drink, could get you one.” 

Turning your head, you take a breath before replying. “I have enough friends.” The stranger is clearly apart of a group. You don’t know if you could call them all friends, you’re not sure there’s enough casual trust in the world left for genuine friend groups. But they’re at least acquaintances, or work associates, or maybe they met here, equally inebriated enough to accept each other. It doesn’t matter, the point is they were chatting up a storm before he decided to wander over here and bother you. “And it looks like you do, too.” 

“Fine,” he relents too quickly, “Let’s not be friends, then.” His hand shoots forward, landing firmly--and disgustingly--on your waist. “Let’s be something else.” 

You’re unsure if you’re more repulsed by his hand on you or how terrible that line was. Your own hand clasps his, pushing and pulling in an attempt to create a space. He’s relentless, even when your nails start clawing at him. “If you want to keep your hand, I suggest getting off of me.” 

He blinks at your threat and then grins, flashing a smile that’s missing teeth. And then he laughs. A cold chuckle that makes its way beneath your skin. “God, I like them feisty.” 

Shoving your fingers under his, you manage to pry him off of you. Your foot moves, heels smashing into his toes as subtly as possible. “And I like them when they know how to fuck off.” 

His smile broadens, a cynical undertone to the look that makes it worse than before. “Oh, darling,” his hand finds your arm, tugging you forward, “You’re gonna pay for that.” 

“Pay for what?” Relief washes through you before you’ve even fully registered the familiar, even timber of Joel’s voice. He’s speaking in a lower tone than usual, an icy rage that you can feel in your bones and it’s not even directed at you. “Touching what’s not yours, ‘cause you’re the only one doing that.” 

There’s probably something you should say. A subtle warning to not go beyond scaring off the man that is clearly incapable of respecting a woman’s autonomy outside of another man’s claim over her. To not take it too far because it’s not worth it. Because you have it under control. Relatively.

Instead, you’re silent as the man releases you. He takes his time assessing Joel. The stranger is physically smaller and Joel does have that edge that only comes from someone that’s lost enough to be dangerous to anyone threatening what’s left. 

The man holds his hands up in defense, his glass sitting precariously between his thumb and pointer finger. “Easy, man.” You don’t even have to look at Joel to know that that was the wrong thing to say. “I didn’t mean any harm, if you set the price right, I’d be--” 

The rest of the proposition is taken care of by Joel’s fist connecting with the man’s jaw. You hear the audible crack before your mind can make the connection between Joel’s quick movement and the man’s silence. 

Holy shit. Joel didn’t just throw a punch, he threw a punch meant to shatter bone. He barely glances at you, and you’re too focused on the fact that Joel’s standing there, completely fine like he didn’t exert enough force to knock over a grown man. You blink as Joel extends the arm he’s been using to hold the small case. 

You’re too shocked to do more than take the box. The implication of why he’d hand you the box while still standing there doesn’t settle until Joel’s throwing another punch. Each hit is more committed than the last, even when the stranger’s knees give in and he collapses. 

Yeah, there’s definitely something you should say. Now. Like right now. You’d never ask him to hit anybody once, let alone do whatever he’s doing now. But words like ‘stop’ and ‘okay, think he gets it’ all jam themselves so far down your throat, you wouldn’t be able to pry them out with a wrench. 

All you can do is watch. It’s the kind of morbid fascination that reminds you of what it felt like to drive a little slower when passing a car wreck. You’re rooted in place by a realization that’s always been there at the back of your mind, an implied awareness. Joel’s more than just prone to violence when he needs to be. He’s angry. 

It should scare you. Terrify you. Your stillness should be some byproduct of that. But it’s not. Joe’s not a danger to you, he’s a danger for you. 

It’s a level of protectiveness you never thought you’d experience. Your chest feels warm. You hope you’re not messed up enough to consider this some grand display of love. However, there’s a vulnerability in the violence you can’t deny. You’re in a public place, the kind of morally questionable people that are far from above exploiting vulnerability. And yet here he is, announcing an undeniable attachment. 

Joel finishes, chest heaving and hands still curled into fists. The low light makes the thin layer of sweat on his skin seem like he’s practically glowing. His knuckles are already evidently split and swirling in distinct shades of blue and red. You’re mesmerized. 

“You can’t do that shit here.” 

That’s it. The only reprimand. In the world of before, he would have gotten the cops called on him. He would have gone to jail. 

Joel looks up, mumbles something under his breath that sounds suspiciously close to fuck off. He then looks at you, gestures with a tilt of his head for you to follow, and walks forward. 

You try not to think of what it must look like when you follow, quickening your steps to get closer to him after you’re out of focus. When you reach the door, Joel pulls it open with one hand and reaches for your fingers with the other. 

----

The way your eyebrows draw together when you’re examining an injury is different than the way they pull together for anything else. It’s too focused to be concerned and too concerned to be focused. 

Joel could stare at that expression for longer than he’d ever admit to. He could concentrate on that little line above your forehead and forget about everything else. “I’m fine,” he mutters, knowing that there’s no real point. You’ll do what you’re going to do when it comes to these kinds of things.

You nod absentmindedly, another small sign that you’re not as here as you normally odd. “It’d be awfully sad if you died of something as small as non-fungal infection.” 

He swallows, minding that look behind your eye. Things are still normal, you’ve yet to show any sign of rejection. He kept your fingers locked practically the entire way here and you let him. Never pulled away. 

It’s not like he needs to apologize. Joel did nothing wrong. He even gave you a minute to handle the situation, but the man was relentless. The kind of asshole that takes advantage of a world with little order to prey on women. Joel would do it again. And again. And again. There are no regrets there.

You’re not naive. You know what you signed up for when you accepted him. He’s never hid that from you. That doesn’t change the fact that you’ve always had a pension for forgiveness, a pinch of empathy the world hasn’t managed to snuff. 

“You’re dramatic, anyone ever tell you that?” 

A touch of a smile pulls on the corner of your mouth. “Hm. Think I’ve heard that once or twice from this one guy. Dark hair, dark eyes, cute, but not really my type.” 

Joel smiles, a partial laugh escaping him. “Really?” 

Turning over his hand with a gentleness he still finds difficult to understand, you press a quick kiss to his palm. You move back into your previous position so quickly it almost feels bashful. “I think you know the answer.” You flip his hand so that his knuckles face you again and go back to cleaning them. “You know, you didn’t have to...I wouldn’t have ever asked you to do that.” 

Joel can’t help his partial smile at that. Like there was ever any doubt. “I know,” he manages, “You’re not that.” 

It takes a second for you to understand what he’s implying. That you’re not like him. Yes, you get mad and you have nothing against putting people in their place, but you don’t like hurting people. Your lips part awkwardly, like you want to say he’s not that either, but you can’t. He just proved it to the both of you. 

“Nothing wrong with being like that,” you say, all too casual, “So don’t say it like it’s this big thing.” There is no end to the level of understanding you offer him. He doesn’t deserve it, he never will. “And you’re not like that in the way you mean. That asshole was, you’re not.” 

Joel lets out a low breath. Of course, even this you’d find a way to reframe. “You’d think so.” 

“I’m right.” It’s a quick reply, and the exact kind of response he expected. “You’re not a shitty person just because you beat up some guy or any of the reasons you’re thinking. New world, new morals. Accept it.” 

Your lips pull together into what’s almost a pout in your determination. Always so sure when it comes to him. “Mhm,” he breathes, watching your surprise at his compliancy. You know something’s coming, but not what. Your awareness does little to help you when Joel twists your hand in his pushes you back against the couch. “And what about you?” 

He hasn’t grabbed your hands yet, but you stay still, eyes trained on him. “I am a lot meaner than you think I am.” 

He tilts his head down to hide his amused expression. Your version of mean is fighting back. “You want to prove it?”

[luvvyouforever]

Hello!! I saw that your requests were open. Could you possibly do another Modern AU! Rhysand x College Student! reader fic? I loved the first one you posted and definitely gave me some comfort with how stressful college is 😭

I always liked imagining the ACOTAR universe in a modern au. Especially Velaris in a modern setting.

Hope you are doing well and taking care of yourself💜💜

hi! absolutely dear <3 i tried to include more velaris in this!

comfort on the bridge - modern au!rhysand x college student!reader

↳ a night out in velaris ought to clear your worries about upcoming exams. does it actually, though?

↳ modern portrayal of velaris, mentions of self doubt and stress, reader is studying to be a teacher but it could be replaced with any major/focus. this isn't my best work, i'll admit, and it did take me like two weeks to completely finish but here you go!

↳ divider art from @firefly-graphics

usually, there was nothing better than a night out on the town in velaris, surrounded by the inner circle and your loving partner, rhysand. very little made you more excited than getting dressed up with mor, pregaming with cassian, and flooding the dance floor of rita's. tonight, however, it was the last thing you wanted to do.

rhysand could sense your hesitance about going out, feeling the bond between you two grow shaky and antsy but there was no way you could bring yourself to say no to them. you were just more stressed out than you imagined possible and so much more was in your mind than getting drunk and dancing to fae pop music.

mortal college was more than you had anticipated. it was always your goal, far before your ears grew pointy and you became a part of the night court's defenders, to go to college and make something of yourself. rhysand encouraged you wholeheartedly, telling you over and over that it was a good idea, that velaris needed more teachers, that you could accomplish it.

and now, your college career was coming to a close which only meant certifications, exams, and papers that all required more of you than you could give. you could only remind yourself of the shining new generation of fae being born in velaris that needed teaching so many times.

all of those worries and deadlines could not be suppressed by the strong liquor going down your throat, leaving a harsh burn in its wake. nevertheless, you took every shot cassian offered and with everyone one of them, rhysand grew more worried.

"you're putting 'em down tonight, y/n!" cassian cheered as the clink of the shot glass hitting the bar rang through the room. "you want another one?"

"yeah, i'd lo-"

"darling, i really don't think you should have another drink. you'll feel terrible later," rhysand's deep voice sent shivers down your spine as his large chest came up behind you. instinctively, you leaned back into his warmth.

"no! we gotta have fun tonight! i can't let anyone down!" you rebutted. your hand reached for the drink on the bar but your hand was trapped by rhysand's before you could. "hey!"

without a response or argument, rhysand began to tug and you didn't put up much of a fight (you were positive that one wrong move and your lack of coordination would land you on your butt on the floor). cassian looked at the two of you, making brief eye contact with rhysand and he nodded in understanding. something was wrong.

"where are we going?" you asked your partner after you stepped into the fresh air of velaris. despite it being so late, the city was quite alive with people, bikes, lights, music, and sounds. it was a beautiful sight, one that usually caught your breath, but there were more pressing matters. like why did rhysand take you away from your fun? the worries were just now being forgotten!

rhysand didn't answer your pestering but instead led you down some streets, up one incline, and landed at an old steel bridge that was at a high enough point to overlook the streets below. it was a spot you frequented when stressed but you didn't know that anyone knew. of course rhysand knew.

without having to say anything, you both perched on the edge of the bridge, wrapping your legs around the posts. your arms brushed against each other and with a few deep breaths, you felt the alcohol begin to leave your system as quickly as it came in.

"what's going on? you're drinking a lot, you seem stressed. i feel it. i don't even have to look in your mind to tell," rhysand said softly. his violet eyes shined in the night and though his gaze was strong, you couldn't help but fall into it.

you sighed and leaned your forehead against the cool metal of the bridge. the sounds of your city flooded your ears and it washed you with some calm that you were searching for. "i'm just stressed. there's so much on my plate, so much coming up, and i don't feel smart enough or good enough for any of it." just speaking the words out loud felt like a weight being taken off of your body. surgically removed and thrown hundreds of miles away.

"tell me about it," your partner said. he wouldn't get it, necessarily, but sharing the weight would help.

"there's three certification tests i have to take, all of which are unnecessarily hard. and that's just so i can get my license to teach. i still have four exams, all worth well over a hundred points, and i feel grossly underprepared for each and everyone one of them. then there's this theory class that's all about best practices in education and research and i feel like i'm picking up none of it," you expressed. "i don't feel like i am going to be the best i can be for velaris. i want to teach them but i'm struggling to pass my class. how am i supposed to impart all of this amazing knowledge on them when i don't even know it?"

your head fell forward onto the bar again and you relished in the soothing feeling of it. down below, music and laughter erupted from a rooftop bar. you wished you could know what rhysand was thinking.

"you know...i think you're the most intelligent person i ever met-"

"that's not-"

"ah! ah! no arguing," rhysand cut you off. "as i was saying...you are the most intelligent person i ever met. the capabilities you have far exceed anyone in the spring court and hewn city combined. the passion you have for our city and its education is so admirable, y/n. everyone will be so lucky to have you as their teacher. the fact that you committed to going to mortal college just to provide the small number of velaris children with a proper education proves to me that the cauldron picked the most perfect person to be my mate."

looking at onto your city, rhysand's words sunk in. somewhere in a back yard, high fae children laughed cheerfully, clearly excited to be up later than what would usually be allowed. it was hard work but work that you were more than excited to be doing.

with a sigh, you leaned into rhysand's side, grateful for him being your rock. "will you help me study for the praxis?" you asked quietly.

rhysand's head dipped down and planted a soft kiss on your forehead. "me and all of velaris will help you through whatever you need, darling. and we will be there at your graduation, glamoured and cheering."

[fandomrose]

Furina post 4.2 reverse comfort.

Hi again. A Furina post 4.2 reverse comfort. I've been working on this for a depressingly long time.

There is implied spoilers but not many. This is also friends to probably, eventually lovers. Starting with the friends in this fic.

This is alot more angsty than the Neuvillette one. It does have descriptions of injury and disassociation. I drew on my own experiences with my own disassociation and helping others through theirs.

I really wanted to do one for Furina because I wish to hug the poor woman. She's been through too much.

I hope you enjoy 💙

You cluched bags filled with cooking ingredients. Ever since learning that your 'former' Lady Furina was living off of macaroni from a certain blonde haired traveller and 'talkative' flying pixie. You decided to pay her a visit, said flying pixie freely telling you where she lived.

Nerves coursed through you. It had been a few weeks since you had seen Furina. Since the prophecy had 'not' come to fruition your services as a private investigator for 'solutions for the prophecy' was no longer needed. And when Furina stepped down from her position as Hydro Archon you stopped seeing her.

'Diva archon' is what people called her but you knew her better than that. You can't have claimed to be close but, you had seen glimpses of the hidden care and love she had for the nation she governed. True god or not you saw glimpses of all she sacrificed over your few years working under her. You had grown fond of her and the trial she was put through almost broke your heart.

You steeled your nerves before knocking on Furinas door at just past midday. There was silence before you heard rustling, the unlocking of the door and it opened giving you the first look at Furina in 3 weeks. She had slight bags under her eyes, she looked thinner and her smile not as bright as it used to be.

"Why hello, its certainly been a while since I've seen you,-" she started off attempting the same theatrical countenance she has before. But it quickly faded. "Why have you come here and how did you find out where I live?"

The thought of her finding it worrying that you knew where she lived didn't cross your mind. "The travellers companion may have let it slip my lady."

She sighed, "Ah- well, please don't call me that any more just 'Furina' is fine." Her voice now sounded tired a slight rasp of exhaustion present.

"Alright my- Furina... um," there was an awkward air between you two, one that you were determined to dismiss. "I was wondering if you would like to spend the afternoon in familiar company... I brought food of you'd like to have dinner."

Furinas eyes narrowed slightly "Did paimon also tell you that I was living off of macaroni."

You had somehow forgotten how sharp Furina was. "Yes.. but, but I didn't just bring food, I thought I'd teach you to make more dishes other than macaroni. Still quick, easy but not pasta this time. Also baking bread. I thought it would go well with what we are making...." You felt yourself ramble, trying to convince Furina to give you a chance.

She looked like she was fighting with herself for a moment. You hold your breath waiting for a response. "Okay.. that sounds nice actually."

You sigh with relief "Alright lead the way my- um- Furina." You watched as she flushed a slight pink before leading you inside. Her home was modestly furnished but well coordinated and clearly to her aesthetic taste. She lead you through the short hallway and in to her kitchen. It was up to Fontaines modern standard with an oven and hobs, a sink and a new cooling machine that was recently invented by the Fontaine research institute for the storage of Fonta, but had been later discovered to uncrease the shelf life of many different foods. They were currently very expensive however. You wondered how she was able to afford it with no job. Her shelves were almost bare however, it made you glad you came with ingredients and a few extra essentials.

"Here you can put the food on the counter." Furinas gestured to the counter close to the oven. "What are we making?"

You nod and pull the ingredients out. "I thought a cottage pie and some garlic flat bread would be a good start. I also brought the ingredients to make some simple crěpes for dessert."

"Great ... I don't know how to make any of that, are you sure you want to bother teaching me?"

"Of course Furina, why would I bring all this if not to teach you."

"I guess you're right, so what are we starting with?" Her voice was hesitant, you begin to wonder if she was really up to this. What if you were pushing her too hard?

"Ah I thought we'd start by preparing the bread.."

You show her the steps of baking bread. She follows your instructions diligently, her smile broadening and confidence returning with every step she got right. "This isn't as bad as I thought it'd be. Then again of course I could learn anything I put my mind to."

Seeing her smile again was all you wanted out of today. If you were being truthful with yourself.

"Now we let the dough rest for about 45 minutes.. in the meantime let's prep the potatoes for the mash that'll go on top of the shepherds pie."

You teach her how to peal a potato with a paring knife. Or rather you try to. As she pulled back the knife she hand slipped on the potato and she nicked her palm with the knife, a long thing line of blood appearing on her palm. You were focused on your own potato when you heard her yelp in pain. You immediately drop the knife and potato you were peeling and rushed to her side assessing the damage.

"Furina! What happened?" You gently grab her hand looking at the wound. "Where is your first aid kit?" She didn't speak only pointed to a cupboard on the other side of the room her eyes glued to her wound, pearls of tears collect in the outer corners of her eyes and all you want to do is draw her into your arms.

But first the wound, you gather the first aid kit and sit Furina down at the table in the kitchen and quietly bandage her hand the cut wasnt deep, which was good, but she barely flinches as you clean the wound, which was a point of concern. You sense she's not up for criticism or questions so you keep things to yourself while you finish bandaging her hand.

I take a deep breath and try to talk to her again now that the wound is dealt with. "Furina? Are you up for continuing or would you like me to take over?" She didn't respond immediately seemingly not even hearing you, you are about to attempt to get her attention again when-

"No. You- you take over." She sounded exhausted again, and almost defeated. Worry crawls through your stomach all the way up into you throat but you hold back for now. Not quite sure how to deal with this side of Furina.

"Alright." Is all you can say, softly as not to startle her. As you continue prepping the meal pealing the potatoes, boiling them in milk for extra creaminess and seasoning with salt and pepper. You start up another hob and cook the meat, frying off the fat before adding, flour, worcestershire sauce, a splash of red wine, tomato paste, chopped bell peppers and onions. While the mixture reduces you prepare the dough Furina made earlier, spreading a mixture of garlic butter, rosemary, and thyme over the dough and place it in the oven.

You catch Furina glancing at you while you work. You turn off the heat on the meat and take some of it from the pan in a small spoon and carefully carry it over to her. "Would you like to taste test Furina?" She looked up at you in surprise before nodding slowly. You offer the spoon to her and she leas forward and closes her mouth around it without taking it out of your hands.

A moment of silence, while you might usually feel flustered at this kind of action. But with Furina seemingly still out of it, not registering what she'd done, it was just concerning. You take the spoon away and turn around.

"Is it good?"

A tired "Yea" is the only response you get. It'll do for now. You finish off the cottage pie by arranging it in a dish putting the meat and veg mixture, then the creamy mash before sprinkling a generous helping of parmesan cheese over the top of the mash and putting in the oven for 20 mins. The bread is almost ready to take out and could make a good starter.

You set a time and sit by Furina, slightly awkwardly, not knowing what to say. You'd been so focused on your tasks you hadn't realised how strange it felt to be around Furina in a casual setting and especially not when something seemed to be bothering her so greatly.

"Furina.. How's your hand?"

"It's fine, doesn't hurt much anymore."

Your concern was beginning to reach a peak. She couldn't look at you for some reason. And her voice was so weak it was barely there but you don't know what to do without crossing an unspoken boundary or making things worse.

The bread timer goes off. You rise from your seat to take it out, putting it on a rack to let it cool for a few minutes.

You look over at Furina her form slumped and defeated looking, her eyebags somehow more prominent than when you started. You didn't understand what could have made her this way. Overall yes, you were there at her trial after all, at the end of it you were just happy she wasn't actually executed. But what happened today? Was it the injury? But why would that cause a near catatonic disassociation?

You didn't want to push, instead you just cut up the bread and offer her a piece, on a small plate, in the hopes that some form on stimulation would reawaken her. She slowly picks at the bread, putting small pieces in her mouth.

The second timer goes off. The cottage pie is ready, so you remove from the oven, find two larger plates and serve the food.

She looks up at the food and picks up the fork, slowly digging in to the cottage pie. You watch with interest hoping maybe food would perk her up at least a little. And perk up she does. Finally a smile graces her face, small but there.

"This is lovely thank you. Truly a meal worthy of the great Furina De Fontaine." She made an attempt at her energetic performance but was still tired it seemed.

You smile at her in what you hope is a pleasant and reassuring manner. "Well my lady I am glad its worthy of your greatness."

She laughed that same haughty laugh you'd grown to enjoy hearing even if it was a little strained.

"Would my lady enjoy some crêpes to clense her palette of savory tastes?"

"Yes a batch of crêpes sounds wonderful my humble chef."

You stand and bow hoping this play was helping her recover from whatever state she was in. Turning to make a small batch of crěpes you don't notice the way she slumps in her seat.

You dust the crêpes in powders sugar, lemon juice and fill them with creme and chopped fruit. A plate of two crěpes is placed in from of Furina with a smile. Your smile fades seeing her downtrodden look again.

"La- Furina? Is everything okay?"

"It should be... but it's not" was her response. You watch as tears slip down her cheeks. She tries to quickly wipe them away. "Ahhahaha.. how silly, I don't know why.. an overflow of hydro yes it must be."

You walk round the table and stand by her. "Furina, you can tell me whats wrong. You- you don't have to hide anymore."

It seems that small push was all it takes for her to allow herself to break. She turns and practically falls into your arms and sobs. "It was going so well. But then I messed up again. I really am useless" She cried into your arms her sentences broken up by bouts of heartbreaking sobs.

Saying anything felt like a bad idea for now so you remover her hat and simply stroke her head while she cries into your chest. You don't know how long it takes but you patiently wait for her tears to dry and her sobbing to subside. Grabbing a soft handkerchief you lift her face and dab at her cheeks. You watch her eyes widen as if she realised she was actually crying into a living person rather than a plushie.

"I- I-"

"Furina, its okay.. you aren't useless and you are still learning right. You have no idea how many cuts and burns on my arms and hands I have scars for just from cooking. Hahaha. It happens my lady. But if I may be so bold, its not about the accident is it?"

You pause before speaking again, not wanting her to have any excuses you make sure to beat her to the punch.

"Have you mourned yet? You status as an archon? Your position in Fontaines elite? Your friendship with Monsieur Neuvillette? Anything else I am not privy to."

It wasn't the most elegant way to put it. Some might call it cruel but she needed to confront this in order to move on.

You begin to regret your decision when you see Furina hang her head and cry again, much more subdued this time. You open your mouth to apologise but-

"You're right... I've been ignoring it all instead of dealing with it. I thought I could just move on, and 'improve myself' and everything would be okay."

She spoke so harshly of her own thoughts. You shake your head and sigh.

"Don't be mean to yourself Furina. Your only mistake was isolating yourself, but if I may be so bold, again. I'm here. And I want to help you, I've always liked spending time with you so I'd be more than happy to be your friend."

She began to sob again. "You want to be my friend? You'll stay by my side even when I'm like this.."

"Yes Furina, that is what I want. As long as you want it to." You open your arms letting her hug you again. She was crying, but at least her tears were happy this time.

[somnambulic-thing]

I want to talk about something in regards to Flight of Icarus.

disclaimer: I fully read the book, slept two nights over it and enjoyed it a lot. There is a possibility of finding content on my blog from now on that contains lore from the story. My Eddie characterisations won't change much in their essence though since I pretty much head cannoned him like he's pictured in the book the whole time.

Okay. Let's go. No detailed spoilers ahead. Feeling jealous in the light of the romantic arch in the book or the mentiones of Eddie's experiences with intimacy is okay.

It's not a great experience I bet, but you're not being a bad or silly person simply for feeling that way. Many of us have built a deep emotional connection to this fictional character for all kinds of reasons. While I personally don't think that the fact that the book is coming from the creators of ST makes a difference to canon, I do understand that for some people the book has a different weight than fanfic. And that is ok too.

So right now, many people can't help but feel heartache or jealousy over the story. Emotions are not rational. And I am deeply sorry that some of you feel bad about something that used to be your escape and save space. That sucks.

However, we all have control over how we act upon those feelings. And being hateful or mean towards others (including the author) ain't it. No exceptions. I don't care for your personal reasons why you feel that way, I'm not your therapist, that is your business to deal with, but lashing out about your personal, very subjective feelings is just not the way to deal with them.

Slipping up can happen to everybody, and that is human, but there is a line when a slip-up stops being that. And accept the fact that nobody owes you to listen to your opinion. Accept that people might find your opinion a reason to stop interacting with you, even if you voice it in a civil way.

Find a friend who gets it and let out all of those feelings in a closed safe-space with curse words and shit. Get it out, cleanse yourself from that pressure. That's cool. Writing a fix-it fic that will get your emotions out? Ask an author who is comfortable with that to write something like that? Cool. Journal. Skip rocks. Work out. Angry clean your house. Throw darts at a copy of the book. Get creative without getting other real people into the crossfire. And then, maybe step away for a few days to let the dust settle and then come back and see how it feels. Oftentimes it's just like poking at a wasp's nest to keep leaning into those feelings and the pain and get all heated up again and again.

Give yourself some time. Be kind to yourself. But also be kind to others!!!

I believe with my whole being that kindness is the best fucking thing we as a fandom can practice right now. And nuance. Always nuance.

That book isn't a bad thing just because it makes you feel uncomfortable or because it didn't fulfil your wishes or expectations. You have the right to have your opinion but opinions do not exist in a vacuum.

Opinions can be hurtful and harmful.

They are not neutral - that's the whole point - so giving it a few moments of thought on how and where to voice them is imperative. Or if it's even necessary to voice them at all. It's ok to fuck up but own that and say sorry. Be kind.

Criticism of the book is valid, not liking the thing is valid, it's not about that. (Fucking hell I love discourse and meta and analysis.) It's about being mindful and responsible for what energy you put out into the world and how you treat real human beings. When in doubt, step back, give it time to cool. Making posts in the heat of anger is rarely a good decision.

We're all here to have a good time. Why do we keep tearing each other down about something we all claim to love?

It's not worth it.

[mountkennedie]

Touch

Anakin Skywalker x gender neutral reader

Summary: Anakin takes any possible opportunity to hold your hand even if it's improbable

Inspired by a post by @m1ndbrand

Warnings: nothing

*Readers appearance isn't specified*

this is a borderline crack fic tbh

A.N. lol hi sorry for obliterating from reality for like 2 years. my bad.

_______________________________________

"I just don't understand it Anakin," you told your secret boyfriend.

"I like holding your hand, it's warm and soft... like the rest of you." His eyes slowly raked up and down your frame before saying, "I so rarely get to feel your beautiful skin against mine. Please grant me this, my angel."

"I do enjoy it as-well. It's just I don't understand why you feel the need to not only hold everything I carry alongside holding my hand." Your boyfriends entire right arm was filled with bags from a day of shopping. When he could disperse the load by splitting between two arms, he refused. Don't even think about holding something yourself, he says it's in the Jedi way to help those in need, you think he just wants to feel strong.

"Feeling strong is nice but also, I do like helping you," he quipped.

"You Jedis and your mind tricks..." you said playfully.

"You love my mind tricks!"

"Well yes, your use of the force is amusing at times, but stay out of my mind!"

"My apologies, Y/n," he said in a cocky tone. You smiled and squeezed his hand in response.

------------------------------------------------

When the two of you were on your way to one of Senator Amidala's charity banquets, Anakin had insisted on driving. Though the Senator had a transport ready to bring you both, he refused yet again.

"Are you sure? We have some of the best pilots available," The senator mused.

"We do appreciate the offer Senator, however we will be able to transport ourselves just fine," Anakin countered politely.

"Alright. Well I do hope to see you both there."

"You will Senator," you insisted.

Padme had always been tolerant of you and Anakin's rather close relationship. Though not knowing many details, being an intelligent woman, she was able to put the pieces together. She never told a soul and Anakin and you were eternally grateful.

Now the night had came. When you both got settled into your transport, Anakin wasted no time holding out an open hand to you. You accepted of course.

Halfway through the ride to get to the event hall, you felt his metallic hand smoothly caress circles on your hand.

"Did you add another update to your arm? It moves even smoother now."

"I did, actually! I was hoping you'd notice. I also made the overall gears in the arm, much quieter so I can be stealthy. And I also..." he continued explaining the different mechanics and things about his arm on the rest of the way to the event hall. Occasionally, you would feel his hand squeeze yours a bit when he got very excited in what he was talking about.

The only time that night when his hand left yours at all that evening, had been when you both had arrived at the banquet.

"One moment," Anakin said in a slightly annoyed voice. He dropped your hand for a moment to exit the transport. You were about to do the same when he beat you to your door. Once it was open he held his hand out again for you to take. You both remained connected the rest of night. Anakin was ecstatic about being able to be so open about your relationship. For one night neither of you had to hide your secret romance from everyone else.

------------------------------------------------

"Ani," you began.

"Yes?"

"I need to go to the bathroom." The pair of you had been strolling along in the gardens of Naboo. Padme had been kind yet again to open one of her houses to you and Anakin.

"Of course, let's go."

Upon stepping into the house, you tried to away from his grasp. However, he didn't let go.

"Are you serious?"

"Very."

You scoffed as you took him with you to the bathroom door. "I have to go now."

"You really don't, we can work something out."

"No I don't think we can. But hey," you threw your arms around his neck, and said very softly, "I'll think of you as I go."

"Just as I do for you," he responded just as soft. You two stared at each other for a moment before breaking into laughter.

"Okay I actually really have to go now!"

"Think of me!" Anakin replied as he walked back into the living room.

"Will do!"

[pearlcigs]

⋆ mutuals

idea credit @valsthea

what color and song i associate with each of my moots + cute little messages (pls lmk if you want me to delete you off this list for any reason)

dm me if you wanna know why i associate you with your color and / or song ! :)) most songs only have 1 or 2 specific lyrics that i associate with a moot or just the melody but its okay

i only included moots from this acc incase the moots from @poionsedprose want nothing to do with me LMAO i didn't realize i had so many mutuals

ALPHABETICAL ORDER

𝐉𝐎 ( @abbysribbon ) : we've only just become moots but your art is so incredible ??!?! like you draw the characters so perfectly ?!?! im obsessed with your art !??!? i can't wait to get to know you more !!

𝐄𝐓𝐇𝐀𝐍 ( @ali3n00 ) : i guess i have to include you on this list ...

𝐂𝐋𝐎𝐕𝐄𝐑 ( @baumbii ) : we haven't really talked much but you seem so nice and cool ! your blog is so cute and you are also so gorg omg , your writing is also literally so good i love it sm , esppp your ellie fic ! wish we could talk more !!

𝐋𝐎𝐋𝐀 ( @coqvttes ) : i loveeee everything that you write sm and your blog aesthetic is acc so pretty ! i really really hope that you're doing better now , i'm so sorry that men are so gross to you , im so glad we're moots , we should def talk more !!

𝐌𝐀𝐗𝐈𝐍𝐄 ( @dizzyntrr ) : max my loveee, i love when your posts pop up on my dash, esp your mood boards !! your themes always eat, i love coming onto tumblr after waking up and seeing if you changed it yet :3 i also love your writing smm, i always reread your works

𝐄𝐃𝐄𝐍 ( @edensdahlia ) : love love love your account theme and your writing, your fics are so comfy like their vibe is just so good ! i love that you include both male reader and a female reader as a genderfluid fanfic consumer :))

𝐅𝐋𝐄𝐔𝐑 ( @fawnpires ) : first of all im so obsessed with your user, literal username genius, second i loveee your aesthetic it's so cool?? and also your writing oh my goddd , guilty pleasure fr ! i wish we talked more but you intimidate me (bc you're so cool)

𝐇𝐀𝐙𝐄𝐋 ( @fxllfaiiry ) : you were one of my first mutuals and i was so excited when you followed me back bc your writing is so good?!? we haven't really talked much but trust your blog means a lot to me + your themes always eat !

𝐌𝐀𝐑𝐒 ( @heartmorgue ) : your reblogs are always so real , i have to fight the urge to reblog everything that you reblog LOL you seem so fun to just hang out to do nothing (does that make sense ???) like just watch a movie in silence or smth if yk?

𝐌𝐈𝐙 ( @hermizery ) : your blog theme is so cool / navigation , it's one of the reasons i followed you in the first place ! i love your leon fic sm you should def write more if you want to obvi but you're gen so talented

𝐋𝐔𝐍𝐀 ( @killuintense ) : i don't interact with a lot of your posts cause most of them are nsfw but i love your sfw work ! also your blog theme is super cool i love it , i love ada >.<

𝐊𝐎𝐍𝐈𝐆𝐒𝐋𝐔𝐕𝐑 ( @konigsluvr ) : you write konig so well ! your headcanons are always fun to read and i hope you post more in the future !! i like seeing your reblogs pop up on my dash cause some of your responses are so out of pocket they make me laugh

𝐀𝐌𝐁𝐄𝐑 ( @kxjbr ) : i wish we interacted more ! i loved the comments you would always leave on my tatta fics , they would always make me smile and it was one of the reasons why i kept witting for alice in borderland for so long :)) also i love your fics you deserve way more recognition

𝐌𝐀𝐋𝐈𝐀 ( @leemonsblog ) : maliaaa we don't really talk anymore but i cherish every one of the conversations we had , i love talking to you and although you don't know it , you helped me through some tough times and i appreciate you sm for that + your fics were peak and i love them sm still , i miss you 'n i hope you're doing well ml !!

𝐒𝐀𝐏𝐏𝐇𝐈𝐑𝐄𝐒 ( @lovers-rck ) : we're fairly new to being mutuals but i love your content sm ! your art is so good first of all , and second of all , your fics are so entertaining ! i can't wait to get to know you more !

𝐃𝐄𝐕 ( @loveheartarthur ) : im so fr you and your blog alone have convinced me to watch rdr , its on my list of games to watch :3 your blog is so pleasing to look at and i love the farmer's daughter aesthetic !! i wish we could talk more , you seem so cool

𝐐𝐔𝐈𝐍𝐍 ( @meravalemoi ) : i love your reblogs ! sometimes i'll just scroll through your blog at the end of the day when im super sleepy and just see what funny posts you reblogged :)

𝐌𝐄𝐋𝐀𝐍𝐈 ( @nadiasgf ) : we haven't really talked much but im glad we've had the few convos that we've had bc you're so easy to talk to (im just socially awkward) i'm so glad we became moots !!

𝐆𝐇𝐎𝐔𝐋 ( @naivegh0ul ) : your ghosts fic feed me like im starving victorian child , everything you write absolutely slaps and i love reading it i would read your fics / blurbs all day if i could !

𝐕𝐄𝐍𝐔𝐒 ( @ouchvns ) : venus ml , you are such a big inspiration for me and i remember following you and being totally shocked when you followed me back , i thought you were so cool (still do) and im so glad that we're moots !! :3 you're so talented and i love talking to you + themes always devour

𝐑𝐈𝐋𝐄𝐘𝐒𝐋𝐔𝐕𝐑 ( @rileysluvr ) : reading your fics n' stuff is like a little treat for me , i will read everything you write and lowkey your stuff's got me kicking my feet and giggling while i read it

𝐑𝐄𝐈𝐆𝐍 ( @saintlulls ) : your cod ficsss bro , literally one of the reasons i decided to start writing for cod characters ! you're so talented and i wish nothing but the best for you , would love to interact more with you :)

𝐒𝐎𝐋𝐀𝐍𝐀 ( @solutopia ) : i love the fact that we both have guts series (obvi on my other acc) and though i have absolutely no clue who the character you write for is, your writing is so good so it doesn't even matter

𝐁𝐄𝐋𝐋𝐄 ( @spiderst4rgirl ) : first of all you're genuinely so pretty likeee , second you seem so chill to talk to , i feel like we could have like a good movie marathon if yk what i mean

𝐑𝐈𝐑𝐈𝐍 ( @starryririn ) : i love reading your poems !! you're such a talented poet i really enjoying reading them :)) im so thankful that you included me on your fic recs , it really means a lot and im glad that we're moots !

𝐕𝐄𝐑𝐁𝐀𝐓𝐈𝐌 ( @the-verbatim ) : i love talking about cod characters with you and listening to you ramble about your hcs n' stuff , it makes me so happy to read :)) i can't wait to talk to you more !!

[gingerlee-holds]

Results of "Wake Up, Tword Asks"

From @softleesam's post!

As expected, MOST OF YOU ARE LEEESSSSS HEEHEEHEE

Neck won first as the spot most people enjoy for giggles, then sides, then tummy!

This is fascinating! Lotta people love tummies heehee

Congratulations to @sleepysheepytea, @fluffomatic, and @bigdumbtickler03 for collectively getting first place!! According to (my audience at least), you are the most flustering content creators! In second place, there's @mushiewrites and @made-by-jade-222, who are both so awesome!! And finally, congrats to our runner-ups: @ticklepinions, @lovelymessybubbly, @altheadajoysoul, @sweettallahassee, @coy-lee, @otomiya-tickles, @wormonastriing, @fluffystuffies, @twordish-ler, @parker-fluff, @obsessedwithseb, @touched-starved-switch, (myself! yay!), @massive-uwu-energy, and @shyticklemonster!!!! Each of you were mentioned by name at least once as being the most flustering!!! Congratulations, mwah mwah heehee

Yeah, this is about what I expected heh- If there's anything everyone agreed on, it was that YOU MUST RESPECT PEOPLE'S BOUNDARIES. NO IFS ANDS OR BUTS. Some people like tickling as a fun sfw activity that makes them happy, and for others, it's a kink. THAT IS OKAY!!!!!!!! Please just be kind, be understanding, and be respectful of people's boundaries.

Again, as expected, since most of you are lees xD I would like to take this opportunity to shout out the people who don't get enough attention!! Teasy Lees (*biiiiiig stretch, showing midriff to ler and smirking* "whatcha lookin at~?"), Shy Lers ("u-u-uhm,, c-can i tword you pleaseee? its okay if not but you look really twordish and i wanna tword you!!"), Stoic Lers ("Why are you laughing?" *as they poke*), and Gentle Lees ("You're doing great!! I love the way you're tickling me!" *through laughter and giggles*) But if there's one thing we love here, it's playfulness, and I wholeheartedly agree!!

Once again, you're all mostly lees, so the gravitation towards the 'very easily' side of the chart makes sense heehee (gosh i love trendlines look at that awesome trendline)

Wow! Almost a 3/4 split! That's pretty neat heehee

Interesting!!! Most people wanted to watch an animated movie (Disney, DreamWorks, Studio Ghibli, etc.), but a lot of people wanted to watch horror movies so that the tickles could help them relax!!

okay i know this is ugly but this question produced so many hecking characters i just wanted to include a lot of themmm (im sorry if i didnt get yours on theree) also Featuring: The Marvel Corner in the bottom right cuz you guys love marvel characters heehee

checks out!!! i wish i saw more back tickles in art and fics cuz they need more attentionnnnnnn

its getting very late and i had a lot of trouble trying to adapt this question into a chart but i did my besttttt (gosh im so tired im almost to the enddd)

(for context, the question is if you could choose one spot to tickle/be tickled in, which would it be) ooooo it's a tie between Sides and Tummy! and neck not far behind! interesting!!!

This was very flusteringg heehee you guys sure are creative with all the variationssss >/////////////<

the "how does tickling make you feel" question has a lot of really personal responses, and i dont feel comfy sharing them, even if they are anonymous

and the last question is sorta vague so everyone answered it however they chose, so I couldn't really make a chart out of it

WHICH MEANS IM DONE YAYYYY TIME FOR BEDDY BYE

so uhm I don't usually beg for people to reblog stuff but I put so much time and effort into this so if you'd be so kind as to, y'know ahem ahem, I'd really appreciate that, thank youuuu~!!!!!!!!