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#this has been on my mind LOL
passiveagressivepoet · 9 months
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okay okay okay
the thing is i think dean killing amy pond was super in character and in line with where spn was in the show’s journey. like the boys are barely beginning to question if all monsters should be killed. i get why dean’s moral compass said yes to killing amy, they’ve killed other monsters for less. she murdered people - yes for her son and i agree that her death was fucked up - but they literally killed monsters for waaaaaaaay less than murder. i get why sam let her go (the whole eye for an eye thing since she saved him) but if positions were reversed and dean had let someone like that go sam TOTALLY would’ve gone and murked her.
was it foul to kill a mother for trying to help her child and make the child watch? yes, absolutely. do i also think it was super in character and made sense in the characters’ emotional journeys to that point in the show? also yes. do i think sam would’ve killed her if roles were reversed? ABSOLUTELY I FUCKING DO
anyways the morality explored in this episode is super interesting and i think jackles did a great job directing
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kissagii · 2 years
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hear me out: piano performance of the howl's moving castle theme but the pianist says the howl line (there you are sweetheart, i've been looking for you) in a howl impression between the introduction and the actual song.
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Caprise/ Edaline/ Juline/ Cyrah sisterhood au
Caprise is an average elf. When Juline wants to marry Kesler, she disagrees and fights with her because they're a bad match. That's how they lose contact. When she falls off the balcony after getting involved with the Neverseen, only Juline visits her. She doesn't come by often. She's not welcomed by Durand because he thought his wife wouldn't want her there. Edaline couldn't bear to think about losing her because she had already lost Jolie, so she never visited. Cyrah is already dead.
Edaline hated Grady in school. Eventually, they became friends when they were adults and, of course, got married. She was closest with Juline growing up. She didn't agree with Juline for marrying Kesler or Caprise for being awful about it. She stayed on Juline's side until she ended up actually agreeing with her.
Juline knew Kesler growing up, and they were always good friends. She was very hurt about losing her sisters. Once Sophie came, her kids kept almost dying. It's a lasting pain.
Cyrah was a ball of sunshine. She was bright and kind. Since Prentice happened after Jolie, Grady and Edaline cut off communication because they thought she was working with their daughter's murderers. Juline believed the same back then. Cyrah died with only Wylie and Tiergan as support. The most recent time that all four sisters connected was at her funeral. They looked at Cyrah's tree, holding on to each other like they had never let go. And they didn't talk after that. Edaline rejected Wylie from living there because it hurt too much to think that she shut Cyrah out.
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sugarlywhispers · 7 months
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Katsuki is trying—FUCK, he really is fucking trying not to make a sound, but it's way more difficult than what people think.
And when he hears the door to the hallway open, he immediately reacts covering his bed and himself, bringing the covers almost to his naked chest. He grabs a book that is in his nightstand and he pretends to the best of his ability to be immerse in reading that stupid book.
Two knocks to the door of his room can be heard and he fakingly sighs in annoyance as he says, "come in".
The distinctive red hair of his roommate appears first before his face, "Everything alright, man?" Kirishima smiles.
Katsuki rolls his eyes in real annoyance this time before replying a simple yes. He feels a thick drop of nervous sweat rolling down behind his neck that he is very skilled to hide by simply scratching the back of his neck, but it seems Eijirou hasn't noticed yet. The blond is very proud to admit that he is good at hiding. Stuff. And emotions.
The red head nods before saying, "Hey, Y/N is coming over for dinner. I don't want to bother you, but do me a favor? Be sweet to her. She kinda has a crush on you."
Katsuki pulls up an eyebrow, looking as oblivious as he can, "Oh, really? I had no idea..."
Eijirou rolls his eyes at his best friend, "Of course you didn't. You of all people wouldn't know even if she confessed right at your face."
Katsuki doesn't answer back.
"Anyway, I'm going out to buy some groceries. Need something?"
"Nope," he answers, his attention back to the book he is actually not reading. Eijirou nods as he closes the door again and walks out.
Katsuki doesn't dare to move until he actually hears the front door of the apartment open and close. And that's when he can't avoid the snort that it's stuck at his throat, waiting for desperate release. Next to him, the covers finally move as you peak from under them, frowning in annoyance at him.
"Shut the fuck up," you protest, your hair tangled all around, cheeks cutely rosy and sweat obviously thanks to the thick covers. He can't help but laugh out loud. "It's not funny!"
You try hard not to laugh with him as you climb up, straddling his hips, your glorious naked body making him distracted from his previous amusement. He sits up too, big and strong arms surrounding your waist as you interlace your fingers with his hair at the back of head.
You both smile at each other, your nose caressing his cutely, and he feels like eating you up.
"So you have a crush on me, hmm?"
"Shut up," you say, hips beginning to move to create friction between your naked bodies as your lips find his again. Tongues fitting to gain control as his hands travel down to your ass to guide you in your movements.
A crush? Oh dear... if Eijirou only knew...
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a.n; y/n and kirishima are best friends too. only katsuki and y/n are kinda(?) dating (?) fucking (?) fwb (?) lol idk 🙃
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matchandelure · 4 months
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akiham
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nightfall-cat · 3 months
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Rainy night
Please do not repost!!
Reblogs ok tho
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nellasbookplanet · 1 month
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I've been thinking about Mollymauk, as I'm periodically wont to do, and the fandom discussion about him as a moral compass. Because the interesting thing here is, Molly wasn’t a very moral character. He was an unrepentant scammer. He had no respect for interpersonal boundaries and would deliberately push and break them. Generally, he was an asshole. As far as actually having a strong moral stance I would say Fjord was the standout of early m9, and to some extent Beau.
But here’s the thing: almost all of early m9 thought of themselves as horrible people. Fjord had been bullied so bad growing up that he still dealt with self-hate from it, and now suffered from survivor's guilt to boot. Caleb had killed his own parents. Beau, while she hated her dad, also had internalized self-hate and on some level thought she’d been such a shitty daughter she deserved his treatment. Nott was stuck in a body she considered monstrous. Yasha had survivor's guilt and knew she’d done bad things in her blank spots. Even when they did good, they didn’t think of themselves as good. Most of them were suspicious and asocial and faced the world with the same kind of distrust they expected to be (and were experienced in being) met with. (Jester was an exception, an agent of neither good nor bad but of amoral chaos)
But Molly was different. He was outspoken about loving life and people. He wanted to spread joy, even to people he didnt know or had even met: he slipped coin into people's pockets, hid a silver in a tree just so some stranger would one day be happy to find it. He openly cared for the party early on; was one of the first to step in and help Caleb when he went catatonic in battle. Above all, Molly had rules: where everyone else would agonize over what was the right or wrong or smart thing to do, Molly loudly proclaimed we don't leave people behind, and we leave every place better than we found it.
But the thing about Molly’s rules was, they were largely a cover. While the rest of the m9 thought they were bad even as they did good, Molly thought of himself as good even as he did bad. He scammed people, but made it a good and memorable experience, therefore thinking he gave more than he took. He charmed Nott and Fjord without consent, and when confronted would claim it was to help them. Out of the group, Beau saw through this, not because she was a better person but because she was a cynic. She saw that he caused harm, just as she did, and was personally affronted that he still thought of himself as good and tried to leave people happy, whereas she deliberately left every place worse than she found it.
I see Molly as a moral compass of the group not because he was actually any more moral than them, but because they made him their template. He was joy and brightness and he died trying to save them because it was the right thing to do, and they all chose to honor him by emulating his rules more than Molly himself ever did, because to them it was more than just a cover, backed up by genuine moral thought and discussion rather than small gestures. He taught them that it was possible to be kind of a shit person and still be good, to still love yourself and others. The idealized Molly they created never existed, and finally died for good when they resurrected him in the end and were met with a stranger, who they welcomed with the same love and care they would've expected Molly to show them.
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leverage-ot3 · 1 year
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the found family trope is inherently queer and you can’t change my mind
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thresholdbb · 27 days
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what's the threshold theory
There was a post about how Tom is the only crew member who isn't really affected by the Borg, and there's a theory that he has so much luck because he saw the past and the future when he crossed the transwarp threshold. He saw the past and the future, all of time and space. There's some subconscious part of him that remembers that experience. In fact, Tom refused to play a part in Chakotay indulging Annorax's temporal incursions, probably because a part of him knew nothing good could come of it.
If we extend that same theory to Janeway, some of her wild luck with time travel and other crack plans starts to make sense. She doesn't verbally hate time travel until after the events of Threshold, since it happens in Time and Again without complaint. Janeway has an uncanny knack for time travel, as evidenced every time she deals with it. She hates time travel, but it might be because part of her knows exactly how to manipulate the timeline. She manages to avoid the "inevitable" temporal explosion in Future's End, saving both Voyager and Braxton. She resets the entire timeline in Year of Hell, and no one else followed her reasoning. She pulled it off flawlessly. In Relativity, she senses the incidents are all related, despite it being just one reading that connects them. By the time she's involved, she has a temporal incursion factor of .0036 and a time travel protocol named after her, even if that may just be Braxton's personal grudge. Then there's Endgame, where she intentionally changes the timeline. Up until this point, she has been dragged into time travel, but for the first time, she jumps in on purpose. How does Admiral Janeway know how to get them home sooner in a way that completely avoids the Temporal Integrity Commission? It's because she has seen all of time, and part of her knows exactly what needs to happen so she can get Voyager home and do it in a way that becomes baked into the prime timeline. Maybe she doesn't consciously remember what happened during her transformation, but the experience lives in her mind somewhere, guiding her decisions.
#every day is threshold day#tldr threshold cemented the time travel shenanigans#we're not counting her disparagement of time travel in relativity i know it's technically before threshold#but they've messed with the timeline so much that her past timeline is also changed.#Time travel is funny because the past is the future the future is the past#so while relativity comes before threshold in the prime timeline her timeline has also been changed in a way that it wasn't before threshol#we could chalk it up to a writing oversight but this is more interesting#not to mention her uncanny luck with the Borg which I think ties in as well#it's part of why her instinct is so strong#also the bio neural gel packs but that's a different theory#listen she's amazing with or without having seen all of time and space but she has seen all of time and that must have affected her somehow#those little salamander babies also have all of the cosmos in their mind#tried to explain as concisely as possible but it is part of my overarching theory#she doesn't second guess herself nearly as much following their jaunt into transwarp#I have more but I'm trying to be brief cause it's written up partially in my drafts somewhere and i have some things i need to do today lol#meta#Star Trek voyager#Kathryn janeway#threshold day#did you expect me thresholdbb to not have a serious threshold theory?#listen I can make anything nonsense and turn anything into a serious theory I was known for this kinda bs in grad school#I wrote a 25 page paper on NOTHING once#I wrote a paper about how corn fields were super gay and it made my professor cry I can spin the bullshit it is one of my skills
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boytoyinc · 1 month
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need to be crying and chanting “i hate you i hate you i hate you” while being fucked
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coolwizard78 · 3 months
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lots of ideas are stuck in my head but i haven't had much time to draw :(
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house-of-daena · 9 months
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how to milk a cow [alhaitham x gn.reader]
contents: no pronouns specified, dom reader/sub alhaitham, nsfw, degradation, humiliation, spanking, dacryphilia, overstimulation, (wc: 2.8k), tell me if i miss anything.
꒰ cow lingerie with alhaitham.... also r u guys ok with fics this long? ig i just have a lot to write about. i'll try to write something shorter and fast paced. (@niverine sorry for the tag i just thought you might enjoy this) rqs r open btw꒱
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this was just beyond embarrassing.
all ahaitham wanted to do as soon as you laid your eyes on his body was to crawl into a corner and hide. his clothing, something you had offhandedly mentioned, was nothing but obscene.
he was wearing lingerie with patterns of a cow's spots, tightly hugging the curves of his pecs so deliciously, it seriously looked like he had a huge pair of tits. the set didn't have an appropriate size for him (they don't make them with a man with a big body in mind), so every time he moved, it felt like his bra straps would snap. and the panties that came along with it were struggling to keep themselves intact, the pretty black and white lace straining against his raging, leaky cock.
around his neck was a leather collar with a small cowbell that rang at his every movement. and to top it all off, a cute little butt plug that fit snugly in his hole, a tail akin to a cow's, swinging behind him.
his face was burning hot, his skin reddening from his cheeks and all the way down to his shoulders. at first, it was satisfying to wear such a vile set of lingerie when you first saw him, eyes blown wide in shock as your jaw dropped to the floor. pride swelled in his chest to see you so taken aback since it was you who usually surprised him by a lot.
but since the size was too small for him, his bra could barely handle his chest. the lace rubbed against his sensitive nipples at each breath he took, his shoulders slightly trembling as he tried to maintain his confident facade. but archons, curse the soft lace of his lingerie for feeling so good—he wanted to stop himself from moving any further, the lace of his bra and panties just kept rubbing against his most sensitive parts so lewdly.
his nipples, puffy and hard, and the slit of his cock head drooling with copious amounts of precum, forming a shameful wet spot on his panties. not to mention the butt plug that his hole kept puckering in and out, unintentionally dragging the cool metal against his velvety walls.
he had planned to put up a show for you. to perhaps take control tonight and impress you, but it seems like his own clothing was sabotaging his plans. and at the mere brush of your fingertips over his nipples, through the lace, he had arched his back and let out a humiliating, high-pitched moan.
your look of surprise slowly morphed into something smug, and he could feel his stomach do flips at the way you smirked at him. you eyed him so intently, trailing up from his head and down to his toes, digging heat all over his body with your predatory gaze. and with the lick of your lips, alhaitham felt faint from the excitement at the thought that you'd devour him, his cock twitching adorably in his frilly panties.
"someone's sensitive today." you teased with a chuckle, grabbing his waist and pulling him closer to the edge of the bed. alhaitham let out an annoyed huff, trying his best to not rub his thighs together, cock painfully throbbing for any sort of friction. "you must really like the lingerie you graciously bought for me."
"i-i didn't buy this for you," shit, he was already out of breath, the tail from his plug seemed to slightly wag as his body continued to disobey his mind, sucking in the plug as deep as it could get. you tilted your head, amused at how determined he was to keep pretending. there was a slight tremble in his movements, straddling your lap as his alluring, turquoise eyes bore an unimpressed gaze. "you should be grateful that i'm letting you see me like this."
"oh? that so?" you hummed as the hand that rested on his waist slowly slid back to the small of his back, making him shiver at your touch, and down to the plug. he shot you a questioning look, before lightly tugging on the fake tail, making him choke out a moan, his thighs giving out on him, and he falls against your chest. you cooed into his ear as you pressed the plug deeper into his hole, then slowly pull it out with a pop! "then who did you buy this for, hm?"
"for myself, of course." oh, and he still had the audacity to roll his eyes at you, acting as if nothing had happened. his hot breath tickled your neck as you watched his hole wink at the sudden emptiness as if it already missed the feeling of being filled. it was quiet, but you heard him whine and grip tightly on your shoulders, his ass wiggling a little in hopes to entice you enough to plug his greedy hole. being the kind lover you were, you pushed the plug back and grinned, alhaitham letting out a pleased sigh.
"well, is that all you got for me?" you chuckle, a teasing lilt in your voice as your hands roamed all over his wide back, nails grazing his skin and making his body twitch in anticipation. his heavy cock rested against your abdomen, smearing some of his juices onto your shirt.
alhaitham looked a bit conflicted. he desperately wanted to have you under his control tonight, to have you moaning his name again and again. the thought of you bending to his will thrilled him, his heart pounding against his chest. but then you'd have his overly sensitive nipple in a pinch, tugging incessantly, and pressing your hot tongue flat against the other through his bra, and he's easily reduced into small mewls and whimpers that he tried so hard to hold back.
"s-stop that- ngh! then i can actually do as i planned... haahhh..." if only you stopped attacking his chest, then maybe he could actually think straight. he was already so needy, his body screaming and begging for you to just fuck him dumb into oblivion, but he was stubborn. he refuses to give up until he's had this night in his own way.
but then your eyes darkened as an idea formed in your head. you gently moved alhaitham off of you and told him to get on all fours. he was going to argue with you, brows furrowed and a pout protruding his bottom lip, but you hushed him, promising him a reward.
oh, he's so cute, obeying at the simple premise of a reward, ass perked up in the air.
alhaitham narrowed his eyes at your sudden shift of behavior, growing more and more flustered as the seconds go by. sitting up on your knees, you gave him a soft smile, but your eyes twinkled brightly with mischief.
"looks like a stray cow escaped the barn," you mused, lips curling into a wolfish grin as alhaitham's mood quickly shifted from shock at the absurdity of your words, to embarrassed offense as his cheeks burned into deeper shades of red as he glared daggers at you. wearing the lingerie, losing his composure, and now getting on all fours by your command was already humiliating enough, but roleplaying?
alhaitham tries to ignore the way his cock jumps at your condescending stare, your grin mocking him in this degrading situation that puts his title as the acting grand sage of the akademiya to shame.
"i'm not going to-"
the loud sound of skin slapping against skin reverberated across your shared room, cutting him off as the sheets crumpled in his grip. alhaitham's breath got caught in his throat, along with his words, jolting at the sudden, harsh impact against his ass.
you tutted as you knead your palm at the reddening handprint on his cheek, the tingling pain lingering on his skin as he let out a deep breath through his nose. he turned his head to look back at you, glaring at you, a scowl prominent on his lips.
he may be pissed at you for catching him off guard, but you don't miss the way his bottom lip trembles as your hand soothes the surface of his skin. "cows don't talk," you remind him, tilting your head as your eyes darkened, "c'mon haitham, what sounds do cows make?"
alhaitham's adam's apple bobbed as he gulped nervously, body shaking both from anticipation and fear of what was about to come. his heart was beating erratically the more you look at him, almost convincing him that he was, indeed, lowly cattle that managed to escape the confines of your barn. he always felt so unbelievably helpless when you talk down on him.
"i'm not a-" he tries to speak, but it was only met with a slap on his ass. alhaitham gasps, his back arching as his thighs begin to restlessly rub against each other. he could feel his panties about to tear.
"stop, i-" you slapped his thigh, hard, and he accidentally let out a squeal. you don't even allow him to finish his sentence! you forced his legs to separate and his arms grew weak, his elbows now propping himself up against the bed. "let me talk-" each word he spoke, the harder your hand hits his skin.
fuck, the burn felt so good. he can't take it anymore. his cock kept drooling from the pleasurable pain of each slap you land on his ass, and it slowly oozed down the bed, dirtying your sheets. the thought of leaving marks on his skin brought tears to his eyes, lashes glittering with unshed tears as he pressed his lips tightly together.
you were mesmerized at how the fat of his ass jiggled at each slap, wanting to hit him more and more until it was as red as the prominent blush on his face. but you were dissatisfied at how quiet your dear alhaitham was, gritting his teeth and only whimpering under his breath, panting softly.
you huffed at his stubbornness, your hands now tenderly rubbing his poor abused skin, chuckling at how his neglected cock twitched and throbbed between his legs. "looks like i have to punish this misbehaving cattle for forgetting how to moo," you faked a disappointed sigh as manhandled alhaitham to lay on his back, relishing the shameful glare in his eyes, "but i have a different approach to remind my prized cow to moo again."
you didn't give him a moment's rest. after all, he was just cattle. a piece of meat for you to ravish, all for yourself. you laughed condescendingly at him as you looked at him with eyes clouded with a lustful haze, leaning down and capturing his lips into a loving kiss. all the while, your hand slipped inside his panties, fingertips playing with his sticky tip.
alhaitham was quick to return the kiss, his big arms wrapping around your neck as you tilt your head to deepen the kiss. he pliantly gave easy access to your tongue, moaning at how rough you were kissing him, his hand pushing the back of your head to taste you more.
then you pull away, wet kisses trailing down to his jawline and onto his neck, nipping on the sweet spots that make him cry in bliss, before dipping your head down further. your teeth made work to move his bra up, to finally reveal his perky buds to your awaiting, hungry mouth. you cast alhaitham a cheeky glance, his eyes half-lidded and seductively biting his lip, he looked so gorgeous with his eyes twinkling with the same hunger as yours, pretty reds painting his cheeks.
pressing your wet tongue flat against his nipple, you hear him moan your name in a sultry tone, and you hastily began sucking on his hardened bud, slurping lewdly and tugging on it with your teeth. his dick was pulsating in your hand, aching with fervent need as he utters how desperate he was for anything, quietly pleading.
and as much as you loved watching alhaitham reduced into nothing but a needy slut, it wasn't what you wanted to hear from his lips, and he still has ignored your request. so you didn't spare him any mercy when your hand suddenly grabbed hold of his fat cock, digging your thumb onto his slit, his juices dripping all over your hand and down to his shaft.
he keens at the feeling of your warm hand finally engulfing his length, airy groans leaving his lips as you moved your hand up and down at a rapid pace, unrelenting, tightening your grip as you continued to suckle on his nipples.
you know his body more than he does, you've taken your time analyzing everything about him; what makes him react the most, what makes him moan, cry and scream—with just your hand tugging on his cock made his luscious body arch his back beautifully as he held onto your shoulders, digging his nails and leaving pretty crescent marks.
it was so easy to make him unfold, your thumb teasing his sensitive glans as your hands jerked him off. his cock endlessly leaked with his juices, so much so that you're practically using his pre as lube to speed up, your shared room now only accompanied by the lewd schlck! schlck! shlck! of your hand and alhaitham's cries and moans as it grew louder and louder.
and yet you didn't stop when he finally spurts out ropes of his cum onto his tummy. he was trying to catch his breath, vision blurry from his tears. no, you only intensified the way your hands pleasured him. you pressed the palm of your other hand on his angry, red cock head and began rubbing, cooing at the way his hips jerk back at the stinging pain from the overstimulation.
it felt like his body was in flames, body squirming and thrashing, the bell on his collar ringing as you kept jerking and rubbing his poor cock, gathering his cum into your hands to make your movements slicker. his eyes rolled back as his mind went completely blank, his toes curling as his body convulsed at how sensitive he was. he was screaming, squeezing his eyes shut as his tongue lolled out of his mouth.
"s-stop! i just- FUCK! ffffuck oh fuck! shit, oh archons, p-pleeassee!" alhaitham pleads, his body indecisive whether to pull away at the overwhelming pleasure that's sending electrifying sparks all over his body and down to his toes, or to pull away from the numbing pain it comes with. "i can't t-take anymore! i-i- AH PLEEASEE! i'm- i'm gonna cum again!!"
you didn't dare stop your hands, even if he came once more, so hard it seeped through your fingers. oh, you adored how much of a mess he and you haven't even done too much, grinning ear to ear as he doubles over. the loud squelching of his wetness was practically music to your ears. he was seeing stars at the back of his eyes, gripping the sheets for his dear life. he was shaking his head as he babbled nonsense, gasping for breath, pleading for mercy in between his broken moans.
you simply tutted at him, cooing mockingly at your boyfriend as you seized your movements for a short while, and you watched his chest rise and fall, catching his breath. "what sounds do cows make, haitham?" you ask again, making him cry when you squeeze his dick for an answer.
"c'mon baby," you hear him sob when you start jerking him off again, his body shaking like a leaf, mind drowning too deep into the sensations that spread all over his body that he can't even answer you. "you're usually so smart. i know you're not that dumb to forget something like that."
finally, it seemed to click in alhaitham what you wanted.
his bottom lip quivered, too lost in the pleasure, but not enough to that he's unaware now of how utterly humiliating what he was about to do. swallowing down a moan, he let out a long, and pathetic 'moooo'.
the laugh you let out was so taunting, it echoed in his mind, and your eyes held nothing but mirth and lust. he hoped that you'd spare him some mercy for obeying, but it was only a foolish thought, you wanted to hear more. so he did, his sinful moans turning into shameful moo's, his pride completely shattered to pieces.
it's not like he could be too embarrassed about it anymore. he's too dumb to realize he's began mooing loudly like a cow getting milk for all he's worth.
with another harsh jerk, more of his thick cum splattered all over his stomach, reaching up to his chest. swiping your thumb over his slit that leaked with beads of cum, you leaned down to kiss him on the lips.
"sorry love, i'mma make you cum 'till you can't anymore," you promised, and he whined pitifully, watery eyes begging you, whether to stop or keep going, you know he wasn't sure.
"after all, what else are cows good for except milking?"
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nayasch · 4 months
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What’s god to a non believer?
Who don’t believe in anything
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oatmilck · 1 year
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idk who needs to hear this but your life needs to be curated to you whenever possible fr. you have to live for you!! find your own mismatched, haphazard, lovely little joys & stop worrying about everyone else.
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fleshqb · 1 year
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Time travel shenanigans with Jon! :D
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Based on a meme I saw. I could totally imagine Jons paranoid ass doing something like this.
Poor, poor tiny Jon though- he doesnt understand ToT
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drulalovescas · 7 months
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I fucking hate when we say Dean would've never given up on that rusty rebar if Cas was alive, he'd keep fighting, and are being called delusional shippers because it's a fact that has NOTHING TO DO WITH SHIPPING!!! You don't have to believe Dean and Cas were madly in love (even tho they were duh) to know Cas had always been Dean's hope and faith. You can LITERALLY SEE IT ONSCREEN throughout those 12 seasons. Every time Dean loses Cas he also completely loses hope and his will to live. Cas was an angel that pulled him out of Hell. That looked him straight in the eye and said you matter, you deserve to be saved. That saw through all his facades, saw the good and the ugly and NEVER judged Dean for the ugly. Dean had such a shitty self-esteem but the sense of "I must be worth at least something if an angel of the Lord bothered to save me from the Pit" must have lingered at the back of his head (even if at times he refused to believe it). So yeah, Dean's it's okay I'm ready to die in that atrocious finale is directly connected to him losing Cas permanently. And seeing and acknowledging that has zero to do with shipping.
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