#this has over 5000 notes under my old blog

[humiliatingsluts2]

Thinking about casual, domestic, disrespectful degradation:

Asking you about your day, then pulling your tits out while you’re talking

Having you cook my dinner, you only eat once I’ve finished

Jerking off beside you in bed, pushing your head down to swallow my cum without saying a word

Immediately groping you when I get home from work, shaming you for being desperate if you’re wet

You make our morning coffee, but I cum in yours instead of milk

While I’m at work leaving you a list of household chores and expecting them all done

Making you kneel by my feet while we have a conversation

[altcvnningham]

guysss 300 notes!!! from the bottom to the very tippy top of my heart- thank you thank you thank you!!!!! <3

sappy rant below

wahhhh getting sappy and personal here but i wanted to keep it on my blog regardless if anyone reads it because of how much canis major in particular means to me and what she represents. i wish i had the time and the braincells to write the words i actually want to say so i'll attempt here

in the grand scheme 300 notes might not seem much at all- back in my old fic writing days i had a longfic for another fandom that hit 800k reads, and yeeears'worth of comments and messages daily- but canis major, adlerbell, and the introduction to the cod (cw/bo) fandom in particular is something so special to me that idc if i had 5 notes or 5000 notes. i'm just touched that it's canis major in particular that has gained the attention and enjoyment of lovely lovely people!!

she's the first piece of writing i posted for the first time in years on the internet, but most important to me personally is that she's the first major piece of writing i successfully finished after about a year long 'hiatus' from writing; and i use quotation marks because it wasn't a deliberate hiatus. getting personal here so tw// abuse mention

that 'hiatus' was actually a whole year and a half where i was in an abusive relationship with a narcissist. writing has been my main hobby and my joy since i learned how to pick up a pencil, and yet it was the hateful and insipid treatment of an insecure man that managed to suck the joy out of it for me. he made living a gruelling experience and i felt i couldn't even run to the refuge of writing because apart from the constant stress i was under, if i did end up writing anything, it would only ever be about him and the agony he was putting me through. so i stopped, because even writing had become a torture that he seemingly had control over. a part of myself so intimate that i previously believed he could never take away from me, was.

i left him for good in february of this year, and have grieved and healed a thousand times over- i'm not only a different person entirely but i feel like i've forged a whole new life that he has no claim over. but even then when i wrote, it was either processing that grief and trauma, or they were scattershot ideas that remained unfinished.

then in about october (after i'd filed a police report over his ongoing harassment and abuse lol) i found the cod games and begrudgingly fell in love w a series i had always swore to hate. and then i fell in love with adler and bell and wrote canis major.

after years of leaving every scrap of writing unfinished, i sat and worked through this vague idea as a labour of love- a labour nonetheless, and sometimes i fucking hated it, but i really did put so much heart and care into those measly 2000 words. when i posted it on here i really only thought i'd get like 12 notes at most, and stay in my quiet corner of the fandom lurking on 'better' and bigger bloggers. but i was blessed to have it seen and enjoyed by so many wonderful people, and all of yall who have just been the kindest and most welcoming of any fandom i've ever been in. i can't believe that some vague, hazily executed drabble i wrote could be liked at all let alone loved by some. and as much as i love my other fics too, it always hits harder when people express their enjoyment of canis major in particular, because of what she means to me- she really is my baby lol.

canis major to me isn't just my debut into posting online again, nor do i think she's particularly all that good- but it's proof that i can reclaim the joy i felt my abuser took from me, from my love of writing, as my first piece i finally completed after i left him. i suppose to the average reader these things don't seem connected at all, but to me, after all the pain i experienced, after how many deaths of self i have grieved over and over again this year, and how much i've changed, all i really wanted was to fall back in love with writing again. and canis major is something i'm immensely proud of- not because i believe it's all that good, because, well, i've seen the absolute insane amount of talent this fandom has to offer and i barely hold a candle to any of them- but i'm proud because of what she represents to me; finally putting the stars back in the sky i felt he stole from.

i remember some nights i used to point out the big dipper to him and he would belittle me, one time even pushing me over when i looked up to admire the constellation unaware. canis major, my small little labour of love, is the constellation i can admire at all times of the day, that i put there, that he can never take from me. that is wholly my own.

yeah i'm a total sap and i'm cringe and it's just a stupid cod fanfic but idgaf she is my baby and nobody knows what an achievement she is for me >.<

my goal this year after i left and worked through my healing was only just to write again- i never imagined i'd post anything, gain any sort of recognition whatsoever, and certainly never thought i could hit anywhere near to this many notes on something i wrote as an expression of love and ghosts and delayed grief.

tldr; from the bottom of my heart- thank you!!!

canis major

adler x bell!reader

summary: adler doesn’t go back to berlin to forget, but he isn’t so eager to remember, either. after leaving you for dead on that clifftop in the arctic, he knows best to leave the past well alone. too bad that past seems to be alive and walking right in front of him; though where he wants to forget, it seems you’ve already beaten him to the punch. or; bell survives solovetsky and only has a hole in her head and amnesia to show for it. read on ao3

tags/cw: bell!reader, amnesia, light angst, referenced adlerbell, somehow bell survives the ending of cw, adler can't let shit go, adler is not capable of remorse but mayyybe a lil guilt?? dog symbolism always, no pairing yet but hopefully i continue this as a spicy drabble series idk wc: 2.7k

a/n: sooo this is my first fic for the cod fandom and the first fic i've posted online in a long time so hopefully this lil ramble suffices!! i've had adlerbell brainrot and wanted to get at least something out before bo6 ruins all of my headcanons so here's a snippet of something i hopefully find the motivation to continue into a mini series. enjoy :')

Sometimes, he goes back to Berlin.

Stumbling out of the muggy bar into the dank alleyway out the back, Adler fishes out a pack of cigarettes from the front of his jacket; two firm knocks of it against his palm before he plucks one out with his mouth, pockets the box, and flips open his lighter. The clink of the metal echoes into the empty around him, the sudden quiet suffused with the sounds of passing cars on the street, muffled laughter from inside the bar, and the distant barking of dogs. Strays.

The cigarette ignites, glowing a cherry red, and he gasps around the filter greedily. Upon exhale, he sighs.

Adler isn’t a sentimental man by any means. What little he clings to, he does so with a loose grip, less than happy but stolid enough to allow whatever else he deems unnecessary slip through his fingers. Places, people. Things. Memories. Tucks the important things- logic, rationality, work, duty- into orderly compartments at the forefront of his mind, archived and marked off ‘til he needs it, while the rest, the mess, gets done away with, thrown into the great black gorge of oblivion. Anything else that stays- more often than not a thorn in his side, an unbidden, wriggling tumour he can’t find let alone cut out- is sequestered to a dark aperture in the back of his mind, anchored deep where it can’t come back up. Yet somehow, some nights, they always do. The smell of his ex-wife’s hair. The day he got his scar. Vietnam. The lab. Solovetsky—

The next word, the name, forks across his mind like lightning, and he bites his tongue before he can think it. It sits at the back of his mouth, nestled like an aching cavity in his molars. A tremulous breath that he forces down with another drag of his cigarette. Out with the rest. Out with the rest.

The barking doesn’t cease. Dogs, a pair of them, he can hear a couple streets over. He pictures them from the gravelly register of their snarling- maybe German Shepherds, a Bullmastiff or a Rottweiler. Their fight enunciated by the violent rattling of chain-link fences, segregated, the only threshold that keeps teeth from necks.

But no, not a sentimental man. He tells himself that the itch to revisit Berlin every Summer is for superficial reasons, and by no means is renting out a shithole hotel room opposite a sewer-laden river considered a vacation from anything other than the luxuries he gorges himself mindlessly on at home- maybe this is to keep him humble, more than anything. It doesn’t do well to remind himself of old times, not when he’s lived the life he has. Remembering seldom accompanies itself with the bittersweetness of reminiscence, and the taste it leaves in his mouth is always acrid. He doesn’t miss Berlin any more than he misses that dismal safehouse, or that sterile room he wheeled you into, questioned- tortured- no, interrogated- well, he doesn’t care to remind himself of the picture. Or the person he strapped to the gurney. But he catches himself thinking back to the city divided more than he likes to admit, and for whatever ostensible reason it is that drags him back here, he relents to it every time.

He tells himself it’s the weather, the cool rain a nice reprieve from the scorching California heat. Or that the food is better, not so much overprocessed shit and sugars. Can take his coffee as black as he likes without the waitress turning her nose up about it and double-triple-checking if he’s sure. And it’s the people, maybe, who leave him well enough alone. Or the drinks. The views, some places. The- air.

Not like Arctic air. Not like—

The one dog’s snarl rips bloodcurdling through the night, all froth and venom, and as the chain-link fence screeches and judders in its rusted welding the other mutt quiets a moment. Cowers under the meaner dog’s ferocity. Then, like it had been wounded, it lets out a low, anguished howl, beast reduced to a scared little pup. Adler holds the smoke in his chest around a stifled breath anticipating a release. But the first dog just grumbles, the fence clinks, and there isn’t much noise after that.

But the quiet doesn’t last long- just as Adler drops his cigarette and snuffs it with a wrench of his heel, another sound resonates, yowling through the alley.

The grinding of tires upon wet asphalt crunches from just beyond the alleyway entrance. The streetlamp overhanging the entryway glares bright yellow as it bounces off of the garishly coloured taxi cab, pulling up to a groaning halt outside the bar.

He thinks nothing of it, pulling at the collar of his leather jacket. It’s getting cold, and he’s left his drink inside. Wouldn’t want to waste good beer. Adler turns, and makes for the door.

And you step out of the car.

A half-finished cigarette bounces on the sidewalk before you exit, the softened heel of your boot following soon after in a splash upon the flooded curb. Your German is rusty- always has been- but it’s easy enough to utter a quick and easy danke as you pull yourself up out of the cab. The door shuts with a slam, and you tilt your head back to gaze up at the sign above the bar- Der Fluss Lethe glaring in faded lightbox red- and you let out a contented sigh, your breath suspended in the frigid air. Pink, bitten fingers pluck at your gloves, fingerless faded green knit, shovelling them into your jacket pocket.

Adler’s fist is already curled around the handle of the back door as he clocks your presence in his periphery, a stranger like any other- but your image resembles the one that coagulates in the borders of old memory, the dried blood of you he hasn’t been able to wash his hands of since ‘81. Enough that he does a double take, his eyes wide behind tinted glasses, and he stops, his heart following suit.

He’s seen enough bodies in his time to fill the morgue in his mind twice over, and plenty ghosts to wander coldly among the unmarked graves. Vietnam alone is an unwinding cemetery stretching endless, catacombs along the inside of his skull, lined with what his old shrink would call remorse. Guilt. As if the feeling mattered. As if self-reproach could turn self-flagellation into something so incandescent as redemption. As if the bile in the back of his throat could bring back the dead.

And it couldn’t, because it isn’t… that’s not—

Bell.

It’s in the way you stand, your back rigid, that slight slouch to your shoulders, always dragged down upon you like they bore the weight of the whole world (and they did, once, do you remember?). The pelting of rain smacks off of the lapels of your jacket and ricochets like stars, caught in the light of the streetlamp overhead, but for all he knows or cares it could be raining diamond and all he sees is you- the wrinkling of your nose as you accommodate to the cold, how your cheeks flush at the chill (as they had those nights he pulled you into the darkroom, evidence of your apprehension drowned in the red glow of safelights); your hair is longer, unkempt, but still that same colour (clumps he’d find in his clenched fist when you’d argue yourselves into a wrestling match, pinning each other by the throats to dented walls in Die Landebahn); that scar upon your brow; that wavering line of your lip, pursed and hiding behind your reticence as you always did, and your eyes- your eyes—

—you feel someone watching—

—your eyes turn, and fix upon him with the startled softness of a doe, hunter betrayed by the snapping of a branch underfoot. Adler’s heel crunches against broken glass, his hand lingering right in that threadbare threshold upon the doorhandle, and he can’t speak, can’t move, can’t think—

Open the door, Bell, open the door—

—and you stop outside the cab, your breath caught in your throat. You see a shadow in the alley, in the shape of a man.

The darkness of the alley gives enough cover that you don’t see much, but what you do make out of the man prickles at a part of your mind long dormant: the haughtily broad set of the shoulders; the halo of blond tinted red just beneath the flickering exit light above the door where he stands; the shadow of a strong, clenched jaw; and in the brief glinting of passing headlights as cars rush on behind you, you see a face half gorged by a thick, forked scar, a fissure struck down his furrowed expression. A pair of dark aviator glasses hide those eyes that you know are looking at you, reflecting back nothing but your own bewilderment.

There is something you know. Deep inside that half rotted head of yours, where an incomplete recollection of your existence before you awoke bleeding on that clifftop lies, you feel a twinge of recognition. Familiarity. Something. Something stirring deep in your marrow- a fear inherited, a conditioned surrender, a faded polaroid, a kiss? Your migraine, chronic, comes clawing back with a vengeance, as it does most nights, but this time with a savage fervour that wrenches your face into an involuntary grimace. Where the hole in your head had once been all those years ago it tickles and burns, burrowing into your brain and groping greedy fingers along remnants of memory. It claws at you, digging through your amygdala to find something fresh, something old, something palpable, real, something- anything. Searching what little remains visible to you in the thick fog of your own mind to pin a meaning to this feeling, an answer to your question, a name to that face.

You’ve seen him before. You swear. Somewhere. In a dream, reoccurring, behind a red door. You don’t know how, or why you’d think you recognise him- in those dreams, the door never even opens. Your hand ever stuck on the handle, jammed and impenetrable, what sits behind it forbidden to you. Like not even your own mind wants you to know. It confines you to your ignorance, almost blissful.

Adler’s heart kicks violently in his chest. He shot you. He killed you. He’d heard your death rattle on that clifftop in Solovetsky and the sound was almost like singing, your last word, your last breath. A miserere for your short and fractured life. And he’s looking at your ghost, standing there all owl-eyed and as beautiful as the day he found you bleeding out on that airstrip. Before he took you. Before he took you and collared you and made a damned mess of things.

The only thing separating you from the Bell he knows he killed- his Bell- is the star-shaped scar split across your left temple. The only wound he never had to sit and heal as he belligerently patched you up, poking and preening you like his prize dog. Yet in spite of never seeing it before, he recognises the wound all too well. He put it there himself.

And as you stand there for that brief moment- no more than twelve seconds stretched to an eternity- he thinks for a moment that you’ve put it together. You recognise him. You see him. As he is. You’ve figured him out, Bell, as you always do. You’re the only one to have gotten away with it, nearly. Or so he thought. And now he’s watching a corpse having dug itself out of the grave he put it in, standing there, staring at him. Suppose you’ve always been a dead man walking.

You could do it, he thinks. Turn. Fling your heel round and barrel towards him with all the enmity of a cornered animal. He thinks of the strays, barking. Can picture your mouth frothing at the sides as you sink your teeth down into him- gnarled canines, hooked to your chain-link fence- which he probably deserves. Not an unfamiliar feeling by any stretch, but one faraway enough to seem almost sweet now through the hazy lens of nostalgia. If there truly is a sentimental bone in his body after all, then maybe it’s just for that. Still, he holds his breath, awaiting the killing blow he’s surely due. But it never comes.

You release your held breath, finally, tearing your eyes away from the callous faced stranger. It’s a ridiculous notion. Just an uncanny instance of déjà vu. You don’t know that man any more than you know yourself. You settle on a more rational answer- just one of those faces. And with a disgruntled sigh you rub the scar upon your temple to soothe the ache, turn around, and enter the bar alone.

Adler sighs, his heart sinking from up high in his throat back down to his chest. His hand has latched onto the doorhandle for so long it’s gone numb from the cold, bruised knuckles bluer than they were before (bar fights- not here, but another, as there will always be). He wrestles his jaw pensively, knowing he ought to take it off, keep the door closed, turn away, and leave. Slink back, tail between his legs, to that shithole hotel room to drink himself into a stupor. Let you haunt him there, instead. As you always have.

But he doesn’t. He has no idea what idiocy compels him, what soft, dewy-eyed weak link in him snags on that chain, to willingly wander back into the viper den of reminiscence, but he wrenches his fist around the handle, pushes, and lets himself back into the bar, the thick, hot air hitting him like a drug that he breathes in, tart and sour with the cloy of sweat and alcohol but still faintly- just faintly- of you. Like rain carried along the wind.

And Russell Adler is not a sentimental man.

But from across the bar he hides behind his beer glass, watches as you move about, a phantom, weaving through the faceless mass of people celebrating a championship he cares nothing to follow. You take your order at the bar with a smile he’s never seen on you before, boots folded to tip-toes as you lean over the liquor-stickied top, your perfect mouth pink and sweet and laughing and alive. The world seems to move about you in a haze, an indistinct mist of blurred faces and bottled voices and beyond all the light and life and joy that seems to burn bright around you like a halo all he sees is you.

Maybe, then, he’s a fool.

But it isn’t lost on him, how your fingers skirt across your hair in an attempt to hide the scar upon your temple. Nor is it lost on him how you wince at the feeling, the stars in your eyes dimmed for just a split second as you shiver, like a touch imperceptible running fingers down your back. Nor even the way you fight the urge to look, to follow the feeling of his eyes fixed upon you, and surely not the way you lose that fight, surrendered to it, your sweet face turning and finding him in an instant. Without so much as trying, like instinct, like something as pathetic and saccharine as fate. Your heart called to it, a lighthouse in the fog. Port in the storm. Ships passing in the night but called crashing to the same shore.

(The pieces of you are scattered everywhere, Bell. He finds you in every split seam inside himself. Splintered shrapnel dug through his temporal lobe, severing synapses ‘til they go dark. Even stars die quicker than that. Quicker than you. Is that what it felt like for you, too? When the lights went out, was it him you last saw- or the sky, waxen, over the Arctic? A waning night, a distant moon. The inconsequence of death- brief celestial ephemera.)

The stranger across the bar looks at you, offering nary a smile, eyes indiscernible behind shadowed sunglasses. And where you ought to find his apparent coldness disconcerting, instead you wring out of your chest with a white-knuckled caress a feeling like… comfort.

Sometimes, Bell, you go back to Berlin. You don’t quite know why.

[youvebeenlivingfictional]

Back by unpopular demand: my weird javejita asks

But dany I was thinking... what do you think javejita’s apartment looks like? It can be their shared apartment in the future (??? *muffled crying noises coming from the background*) or it can be abejita/javi’s own apartment? Is there dishes stacked up in the sink? How often do they clean? Is it empty/impersonal or are there some personal knick knacks lying around? When they can finally spend time there do they like it or not? Any photos on the fridge/walls? Would any of them be annoyed with the other if they lived together? What behaviors would they hate? Does abejita keep fake flowers in her apartment also? Does javi keep the one she gave her? Does he still have that bee magnet connie got him? Okay, okay. I was going off track but I mean it, I’m curious about it especially since we got some little snippets about their apartments like the bee magnet or THE incident or how they’ve talked about where abejita is staying a bit... and I can keep going

You don’t have to give anything away ofc but I’m just curious about any bits of information you can give us

Okay So because we are going to see Abejita’s apartment in future chapters, I’m gonna talk about Javier’s apartment in Chapters 21-Onward, AND About Javejita’s Future Dwelling

Javier’s a p a r t m e n t when he gets back to Bogotá - I hope you like cardboard boxes! - There are a lot of them - He’s unpacked his clothing - And approximately 9 things for his kitchen (a plate, a knife, a spoon, a fork, a frying pan, a pot, a glass, a tumbler, his lil bee magnet; he bought new cooking utensils when he got there and the guy isn’t expecting company)

- But Javi... Hasn’t unpacked much else, he’s been busy since he got there and he’s found himself mired in red tape with work, he’s in a more senior position now, he’s busy - When he’s in his apartment it’s to sleep and change and shave and eat really fast and then he’s going again - Most of the cardboard boxes are in the living room, along the side wall, next to the television - You can get around the living room without tripping over them but he doesn’t uh... Entertain like he used to, let’s say that - He doesn’t have to clean often because he spends more time in his office than he does in his apartment - Maybe he’ll fish through a box for an old notebook or something, but... I know Crosby told him to take some time, settle in. He didn’t do that. Javejita’s future apartment house (I’m goin’ house, I’m picturing like a one story ranch style house something like this) - So.... We already know about the bee kettle - And don’t you worry, the bee magnet has also made the trip, it is in permanent residence on the fridge. If there is an important note, something that one wants to make sure the other remembers, it is left under the bee magnet (This is me not trying to sing Under the Bee to the tune of Under the Sea from The Little Mermaid) (Damnit now that’s stuck in my head, aw beans) - I like to think that Javier is actually surprisingly fussy when it comes to how things are arranged and making sure something is put back where it was picked up from - Like dude will get huffy if the tv remote is not put Back In Its Spot at the end of the night - And Abejita is like ‘oh this is a side of you that I did not know existed you adorable grumpy old man’ she’s like ‘Sir it is a tv remote’ and he is like ‘yeah and it lives on the tv hutch, not the coffee table’ - Abejita has a home office that she works out of, where she can be a little less organized and put things wherever she wants to (though sometimes she misplaces something and Javi is like ‘see if you put it back in the same place—’ ‘Can it and get out of my office, Peña.’) - Both Javi and Abejita have a lot of knick-knacks. Abejita’s got ones that she picked up herself in her travels; Javi has ones that were mostly given to him (See: Bee magnet) - They each have a few photos in frames on the wall in the living room, but it’s not terribly cluttered - Abejita gets a little huffy when she’s cooking and trying to get a meal together and Javi just sweeps through and mutters, “That doesn’t go there,” When she puts something down. - He always comes back when she’s done and puts things back ‘where they’re supposed to go’ (in his estimation) - If Abejita’s feeling really petty she’ll put something in a really weird place. - Like... I don’t know, putting a spice that they rarely use under the sink, and seeing how long it takes for Javier to find it. - And she knows he found it because one day she comes into her home office and it’s sitting on her desk. - When they were picking out home decor, Javier started jokingly putting anything bee or hive related in their cart, but ultimately, they have very few bee-like things around the house. - Though their dishtowels do have sunflowers on them, though. - And... eventually, so does the wallpaper in the nursery. Tag List: @justanotherblonde23  ; @pascalesque  ; @revolution-starter ; @the-feckless-wonder ; @angels-pie  ; @lcandothisallday ; @xletmetaste-yoursmilex ; @kaelyn-lobrutto24 ; @superwholockmarauder ; @blooo0ooop @bridiemh ;  @mylittlelonelyappreciationtoo ; @windfallss  ; @urbankaite2 ; @lunaserenade  ; @jedi-mando; @darthdameron ; @paintballkid711  ; @mjby  ; @captn-andor  ; @mando-amando  ; @wonderlandgabby  ; @sarahjkl82-blog ; @ajeff855 ; @massivecolorspygiant ; @trash-dino-5000 ; @littlemissoblivious ;  @psychedelic-star ;  @anrimdjarin  ; @pedritobalmando  ;  @cocotetsdespinacs ; @lou-la-lou  ; @wantingtobekorra ; @coldlilheart ; @daisychainsinknots ; @teamgeiszler-gottlieb ; @leonieb ; @artsymaddie ; @blueeyesatnight ; @tardis-23 ; @mamacitapascal ; @amidjarin ; @mcueveryday ; @dionysuskid21 ; @xx-small-town-witch-xx ; @yespolkadotkitty ; @elen-aranel ; @randomness501 ; @blo0dangel ; @hnt-escape​ ; @poedameronsbeard​ ; @spideysimpossiblegirl​ ; @beskarhearts

[commander-rahrah]

RESIDENCY: SECOND CHANCES (AN OPEN HEART FIC): PART TWO

Pairing: MC (Jordynne Holland) X Ethan Ramsey X Bryce Lahela; MC X Bryce; MC X Ethan. Please note that both pairings are present in this fan fiction — off & on, at the same times, and the relationships do ebb & flow. Please keep this in mind. Thank you.

Masterlist: Click Here

Chapter Rating: T (drinking, swearing)

Word Count: 5000+ (its a big one) 

Description: Bryce and Jordynne have time together to explore what everything happening between them means, since Ethan is away in the Amazon finding his own answers.

Disclaimer: Characters, storyline, and parts of the dialogue are taken from Pixelberry’s Choices. They fully own the characters, dialogue, backgrounds, etc. MC Jordynne’s background is my own creation, based loosely off of MC in-game’s personality and provided with more details.

Author’s Note: Well this took much longer than expected! With everything happening in the world, I found it harder and harder to take that personal time for myself to get away and write. But I eventually carved out time for it, and it felt nice to get back into the perspectives of Jordynne, Bryce and Ethan. This fic has a lot of little moments and memories from Book 1 (and fic 1) that can turn into big moments for these characters in the future <3

As always any likes, reblogs and comments are very appreciated. If you would like to be added/removed from the tag list please just let me know! I have always had issues with the tag list as well (people not receiving notifications) so if you do receive a notification if you could let me know that would be great! Or if you have any tips for why it wouldn’t be working? 

Taglist: @drakewalkerfantasy @owleyes374 @lahelable @mayar-mahdy @paisleylovergirl​ @nicquix @emilymay100 @octobereighth @llamasgrl @timmagicktoad @lilyofchoices @msjpuddleduck @mfackenthal @paulfwesley @ccolz88-blog @mindlessdreaminxo @jooous @lapisreviewsstuff @choicesarehard @themingdynasty @omgjasminesimone @hopelessly-shipper  @binny1985  @perriewinklenerdie  @jens-diamondchoices  @indiacater  @chasingrobbie  @writingsbymissy  @dimitriwife  @tacohead13  @amy-choices  @violinet​ 

Previous Updates: Residency — Part One Part Two Part Three Part Four Part Five Part Six Part Seven Part Eight Part Nine Part Ten Part Eleven Part Twelve Part Thirteen Part Fourteen Part Fifteen Part Sixteen Part Seventeen Part Eighteen Part Nineteen Part Twenty

Residency: Second Chances -- Part One

Chapter 2

The golden liquor coated her pink lips, turning them shiny. They pursed together, licking the excess off as she lowered the shot glass to the table with a loud bang.

The sound snapped Bryce back to reality — and he swallowed hard as she watched Jordynne throw her head back and laugh.

She was in full force tonight. Her big laugh echoing in the bar. Her perfect, wide smile drawing everyone in. Her wild, blonde hair being thrown over her shoulder.

Sometimes he wondered if she was really from this world.

“Let’s get more!” Her voice was much higher than usual — a good note that she was getting more and more intoxicated.

“C’mon Jordy, let’s pace ourselves.” He suggested, grabbing onto her wrist gently.

“Pace ourselves?! Do I look like a beginner to you? Come on!” She put out her bottom lip at him, looking up at him with giant puppy dog eyes.

It was like a punch to the gut — she could get whatever she wanted with that look. Dammit.

Before he could reply, Jackie came to the table with a tray of more shots and Jordynne greedily grabbed two of them.

“Whoa, Holland’s on a roll tonight,” Jackie said as she slid into the booth, passing out the remaining glasses.

“She’s on something.. that’s for sure,” Sienna said to them, a hand in front of her mouth.

At the sound of the next song coming on, she jumped onto her leather seat in the booth. “This song! This song!!”

He couldn’t even hear it over the crowd. But he couldn’t help but let out a chuckle at her excitement.

She crawled over Sienna and jumped out of the booth, landing with surprising dexterity for the amount of liquor she had consumed. “Come on dance with me.” She stretched her tan fingers over to him, “Please.”

“Okay,” He agreed — maybe a little too easily.

He grabbed onto her warm fingers, letting her pull him to the dance floor with surprising strength.  

He watched her jump up and down for a moment — her blonde hair flicking around wildly. He let out a laugh, before mimicking her movements — his tan arms raised above his head as they danced recklessly in the crowd.

She joined in with his laugh — flashing her white teeth at him in a brilliant smile. He gulped as she moved closer to him. He could still smell her, even in the old bar — orange blossoms, vanilla, and jasmine. He could get drunk off of that scent.

His heart fluttered as she grabbed onto him casually, pulling him into her to dance more closely. Bryce was suddenly overwhelmed being this close to her — he felt dizzy, and it wasn’t from the liquor.

Jordynne Holland was intoxicating. And addicting.

His dark eyes settled on her mouth, how much closer it was getting to his as she swayed in front of him.

“Jordy...” He breathed out, stepping away from her.

“What?” Her eyebrows furrowed slightly as she looked up at him — her green eyes fluttering. She stepped forward and carefully wrapped her arms around his neck. “I just wanna have some fun. You’re fun. You like fun. Remember fun?” Her pink lips stretched into a smile.

He felt his stomach twist and tug and flutter all at once.

Bryce so badly wanted to give in — to crash his lips onto hers, to hold her back. But he didn’t know where all of this was coming from. Things were still so messy — and right now, she was messy. There had to be something that caused it.

“I know — I just —,” He hesitantly put his hands on her waist, steadying her movements, “Are you sure, you’re okay?”

“I’ve never been better Bryce Lahela. Now dance with me.” She replied, tightening her hold on him as she pushed her body up against his.

_____________________________________________________________________

Ethan watched the light through his window dim as the plane flew into a series of clouds — the pages of his book in his lap suddenly becoming harder to read. 

Letting out a sigh, he put his head back on his headrest — leaning against it as he looked over his shoulder and out of the window.

He eyed the empty spot next to him — a placeholder for his leather bag this time. He tried hard to not go there — to think about the last time he was at the airport, on an airplane, who was with him. If he started down that road, it would make everything harder.

So he ignored the subtle reminder — repressing the memory and averting his eyes from the empty chair.

“Hi sir,” A brunette flight attendant pulled a cart up near his seat, “Due to the length of the flight you will be provided an in-flight meal. It will be arriving shortly. Would you like a beverage to go with it? Spirits? Wine?”   He gestured to the cart.

Ethan swallowed as he eyed it — the little bottles of alcohol clinking together as the flight attendant shifted the cart.

It was tempting. It could be another way to repress memories in the long flight. To calm any gears that started winding.

He cleared his throat, putting on a polite smile, “Can I actually just have a coffee?”

“Of course, sir.” He poured the hot beverage and carefully passed it to him. “I’ll be back with your meal.”

Ethan took a sip and grimaced slightly. It was terrible. And he had to force another thought down as he thought of who else would grin and bear it with him.

But it was just a coffee. He’ll get over this.

He can get over this. He could do this.

_____________________________________________________________________

The slightest crack of one of her eyes caused Jordynne to groan in pain. Her head was pounding — and even the little trickle of light coming through the blinds was killer.

Blinking over and over, she finally was able to open her green eyes fully. She was in her bedroom — how she got there? She wasn’t entirely sure.

The previous night was a blur. She remembered taking an uncertain amount of tequila shots and dancing. So much dancing — her feet were killing her.

Letting out another groan, she shifted onto her side but froze when she felt resistance next to her. Moving her head, her eyebrows raised as she saw Bryce laying next to her — sleeping soundly. He was still wearing his jeans and t-shirt — his arms folded around himself carefully as he slept on top of her white duvet.

Her eyebrows furrowed together — a deep line forming in her forehead. Now that she didn’t remember. Peaking under the duvet, she realized she was still wearing clothes — her boyfriend briefs and shirt were clinging to her body. Her mind started whirling as she attempted to connect the dots.

“Hey,” Bryce’s groggy voice whispered next to her, “You okay?”

She chewed on the inside of her cheek — praying that it was too dark in the room for him to see how embarrassed she looked, “I’m— I’m pretty rough.”

“I would imagine so. You consumed enough tequila to get you, me, and Sienna drunk.”

“Ugh.” She groaned.

“And I’m sure spending two hours on your bathroom floor probably didn’t help.” 

“Nooo...” Her face felt hot as it flushed with embarrassment.

He let out a quiet chuckle, “Oh yeah. Held your hair back and everything.”

She wasn’t sure if she had ever hated herself more then that moment. “Ugh, I’m so sorry Bryce.”

“Don’t be — I didn’t mind.” She gulped as she felt his practiced hand rub her shoulder.

“I’m sure that’s not what you signed up for when we decided to go out last night.”

“I mean, I went to hang out with you. And we did hang out..” His voice trailed off for a moment, “I just didn’t imagine it would be on your bathroom floor with your head hanging off your toilet.”

“Haha,” She hesitated for a moment, “Did we — Did I say anything? Or... I dunno, try anything?”

“Oh yeah,” He let out a little chuckle again, “Drunk Jordy is chaaaatty. And handsy.”

“Oh.”

“I didn’t — we didn’t do anything. You just tried to kiss me a couple of times.” He mumbled a little.

“I’m sorry.” She apologized again.

“People have done crazier things then try to kiss someone while drunk on Tequila.” He reassured.

“I know, I— But we never—“

He interrupted her, “S’okay Jordy.”

“Thanks for staying with me.” She whispered. And she meant it. As complicated as it was, she was glad Bryce was there. He was always there for her.

She felt the bed shift as he turned on his side to face her, “What kind of doctor would I be if I didn’t take care of you?”

“I live in a house full of doctors.” She could feel how close his face was to hers.

“Ha — right.” She could see his sheepish smile in the dim light. “I just needed to know you were okay.”

There was a beat of silence before he spoke again. “Are you okay?”

“Yeah, of course.” She lied — a little too easily.

“I just — I haven’t seen you like that before. You were drinking hard. Did something happen?”

She shook her head against the pillow, “I just wanted to let loose. Celebrate surviving my first week back. I just went a little bit too hard.”

“That’s the only reason?”

“Yeah.” She did her best to hide the lie, suppressing the memory of Ethan walking away in the parkade, “So what to do I gotta do to convince you to drag my ass out for some breakfast?”

“No convincing necessary.”

_______________________________________________________________________

 He fell into a routine a lot easier than he thought he would. The repetition was nice — satisfying after the continuous curve balls life had thrown at him over the past year.

There was still chaos here — it was still a medical crisis. But it wasn’t anything that Ethan couldn’t handle.

He spent most of his days in their temporary clinic — diagnosing cases. In the evenings he would spend time with other team leaders, discussing measurements and tactics for preventing further cases. During their free time, he would usually see himself to his room — avoiding the socialization hours around the campfire. He rarely spoke to his colleagues in Boston, why would he do it in the Amazon.

One of the local doctors had told him his Portuguese was improving. A compliment that Ethan heartily took as he was teaching himself from the little pocketbook in his messenger bag and repetition with the locals.

Most nights by the time his head hit the pillow he was too exhausted to think. For the gears to start winding. For memories and thoughts to resurface from the far depths of his mind. And if they did — he forced them away. Closing his eyes with knitted brows, until sleep overcame him. And then he would wake up to do it all over again.

_______________________________________________________________________

“Wow, it’s been a while since I was in here,” Jordynne smirked as she stepped into a familiar supply closet.

Bryce had texted her during her break — asking to meet her there. She didn’t have to ask which one he meant — she knew. The supply closet from the first day they met. From where she had dropped all of her usual guards and kissed a stranger.

The smirk fell off of her face when she saw Bryce’s expression. It was serious — his usual megawatt smile was nowhere in sight. “Wh—what’s going on?”

He took a steadying breath before he spoke, “Jordynne, when did you know?”

“Know what?” Her eyebrows furrowed.

“That Ethan was gone. That he was leaving again.”

Her mouth opened slightly, but nothing came out. She didn’t know what to say.

He let out a sigh — taking her silence as an answer. “Is that why you got like that? At Donahue’s? You literally drunk enough to make yourself sick.”

“I— I was upset.” She explained, stepping a little closer to him, “I didn’t know what else to do — I just didn’t want to deal with it.”

“Have you dealt with it?” He asked back, his voice sharp, “You lied to me. I asked you what was really going on. And you lied.” His brown eyes stared deeply into her green eyes — studying her.

“I— I can’t talk to you about him, Bryce.” She wrapped her arms around her torso, folding in on herself. “I know you tell me I can but I— I just can’t.” Her eyes dropped down to her shoes.

“Why not?”

“Because it isn’t fair!” She raised her voice, her jaw clenched tightly, “Bryce, every time something bad happens with Ethan I run to you. When I didn’t want to admit to myself how I felt about him, I went to you. When he rejected me, when he quit, when he flew to a different continent literally just to get away from me. I keep boomeranging back to you Bryce. And it’s not fair.”

The small space of the supply closet turned quiet as they both thought.

Jordynne broke the silence as she finally looked back up at him, her voice croaking out, “So no I don’t want to talk to you about Ethan. Because it reminds me of what an atrocious person I am.”

“You’re not a bad person Jordynne.” Bryce shook his head at her, reaching a tan hand out and brushing a piece of her hair away.

She closed her eyes at his touch, doing her best to not lean into it, “I am Bryce. I have been to you.“

“I think... I think that you’re human. And things got complicated. And that I decided it was worth the complication — your feelings and relationship with Ramsey included.” He used a knuckle to raise her chin, putting her attention back on him, “But I need you, to be honest with me. Is there something between us? Or did I just invent that?”

“No.. of course there is Bryce. But I... but there’s something between Ethan and I too. Or there was.” She grabbed onto his hand, holding onto it as she took a deep breath. “You’re one of my best friends Bryce. And you’re more than that. And that’s why I need to say this. I think we should stop the “more” between us. For now. Until I — until I can figure how to stop complicating everything. And I can’t do that if we ...”

“Okay.” He said, interrupting her with his honey voice. He was nodding at her — his dark eyes focusing on her as he placed his steady hands on her shoulders.

She let out the breath she was holding, staring up at him in disbelief, “Okay? Just like that. Why are you so agreeable?”

“Puppy dog remember?” He gave her a half-smile, his long hair falling into his eyes as he looked down for a moment. “I’d thought you would’ve figured out by now I’m not going anywhere, Jordy.”

_____________________________________________________________________

Ethan hesitated for a moment — looking at the group of people sitting and chatting by the fire. He could join them — if he wanted.

Shaking his head, he plopped himself down on a stool on the edge of the campsite. Tucked away, and out of sight.

He pulled out the pocket-sized translation book from his chest pocket and started thumbing through it in the dim light from nearby lanterns.

“May I?” A voice asked from behind him.

Ethan stifled the sigh that almost escaped him. Straining his neck, he turned to see Dr. Adébáyọ̀ standing sheepishly, waiting for his response next to the empty stool beside him. He grunted in response, closing his book and slipping it back into his pocket.

The pair sat in silence for a moment, staring off at the distant campfire and taking sips of their drinks from their steel water bottles.

“Do you mind me asking why you came here, Dr. Ramsey?” The other doctor's voice broke the silence.

Ethan furrowed his brows, “Why?”

“I’m curious.” He shrugged, looking over to him.

“Curiosity killed the cat.”

“But satisfaction brought it back.” The man retorted quickly. “Humor me.”

Ethan remained silent — keeping his eyes on the lid of his water bottle.

“Okay — I’ll go first. I came here to practice, of course. Help with research. But I came here for selfish reasons too.” Dr. Adébáyọ̀ settled into his seat as he spoke. “My family emigrated from Nigeria when I was 8. We lived in the UK, Canada, America. We traveled all over the world. But never South America. My father died last Spring. He always wanted to come here. So I signed up for him. It’s sentimental but — I’m glad I did.” He smiled up at the night sky that was glittering with white stars.

“I’m sorry about your father.” Ethan finally replied, looking over at his comrade.

“Me too,” He nodded, a sad smile on his face. “So are you going to tell me why the Ethan Ramsey left his fancy office in Edenbrook for tents in the Amazon?”

The Ethan Ramsey.

He hated that.

He hid his white-knuckled fists at his sides. “I am a diagnostician. I came to diagnose and treat Malaria and other ailments.” He used his practiced voice.

“And that’s it? You are a doctor and nothing else. What are you running from?”

Ethan remained silent for a long moment. He had been avoiding thinking about it this entire time. Why he had flown all the way out here. Abandoned his regular life to sit in a tent all day in the Amazon.

Out of sight, out of mind.

But he could feel his stomach twisting — a gnawing.

“Not what.”

“Hmm?” The other man was so shocked at him speaking, he barely heard him.

“Not what. Whom— whom I’m running from.” He let out a heavy sigh.

“I see. And this person... They are family?” Dr. Adébáyọ̀ asked with a raised brow.

He shook his head.

“Ah, I see. Matters of the heart.” He span around on his stool, so he was facing him more, “You are not together anymore?”

“We — we never got the chance to be together in the first place. Not really. She — we’re coworkers.” He admitted.

“That could be complicated.”

“And when I get back I’ll be her boss.”

“That’s more complicated.”

“Yes.” His voice was barely a whisper as he admitted this all out loud.

“What are you going to do? Coming here is doing what?” He questioned — his eyebrows furrowed as he studied Ramsey in the dim light.

“Delaying the inevitable.” He took a swig from his water bottle, gulping it down, “I’ll have to face her eventually.”

“And when you do?”

He avoided the question, “I just keep thinking to myself what if things were different. If she worked at a different hospital, if we met at a conference instead...”

“Do you want to hear something that was told to me? The universe sends us exactly what we need, right when we need it.”

Ethan let out a sad laugh, remembering Teresa saying the same words to him. “A patient told me the same thing once.”

“And is she? What you need, right when you needed it?”

Ethan thought to the past year. He couldn’t have handled Delores without her. She helped him process and navigate the Naveen situation. Hell, she saved the man too.

She grounded him — brought him back down to Earth. Yet had never had more ups and downs in his life before meeting Jordynne Holland.

He couldn’t have planned for any of it. But he wouldn’t take it back either.

“She — she’s everything I need that I never knew I wanted.“

“It sounds like you have an answer.”

“I don’t — because I’m not what she needs.” Ethan hung his head back for a moment, pursing his lips as he looked up at the inky black sky.

_______________________________________________________________________

She had forgotten how easy it was with Bryce Lahela.

How contagious his smile was. How infectious his laughter was. How easy it was to fall for him.

She was starting to remember why it had been so easy to make out with him in that closet after only knowing him for a few hours. What those early days were like — sneaking away together, watching movies in bed, remembering each other’s burger orders. Before she had made a mess of things.

The entire group was laid out on a couple spread out blankets at the park across the street from the apartment. They had packed some snacks and music — and were all basking in the sun, enjoying each other’s company.

Jordynne was sitting with her knees to her chest — smiling down at the blanket as she listened to Bryce’s warm chuckle reverberate through her. He was sprawled next to her, teasing Sienna about Danny.

Jackie, Elijah, and Aurora were in the blanket next to them — arguing over who has the best taste in music as they passed the speaker around.

She knew what she and Bryce had decided. And they had honored that over the past month. They were still friends — after everything the pair had gone through in the last year, she felt like she could always rely on that fact. They still hung out altogether, and a few times alone too. But sometimes she would catch herself staring at him a little too long, or laughing at his joke a little harder than anyone else.

The tune of an ice cream truck nearby snapped her back to reality as her friends buzzed with childlike excitement. “Ooo! Let’s get some for dessert!” Sienna jumped up, a wide smile on her face.

“Good idea,” Bryce stretched his arms behind him to push himself up, the hem of his shirt pulling up just enough that beginnings of his tan abs were revealed. Jordynne bit her lip as she watched him get up, “What does everyone want?”

“Chocolate!” Elijah said eagerly, his eyebrows raising up on his forehead.

“Gotta go classic — vanilla please Lahela.” Jackie gave him an unusually warm smile as she looked up at him.

“Got it. Mint chocolate chip Jordy?” He asked, looking down at her expectantly. 

“Um, yeah. Thanks.” She blinked in surprise at him knowing before a small smile spread across her face. Bryce Lahela knew her way too well.

Once they had returned with their frozen treats, the group sat together in a circle. Eating fast as the treats started melting over their fingers on the sunny summer day. Bryce had sat next to her again — his bare knee touching hers as they sat crossed legged. It was comforting. And maybe a little distracting.

Jordynne dared a glance at him, to only find him already looking at her. Her breath caught a little as he let out a little chuckle.

“Oh, you gotta little’,” He pointed his finger at his mouth, indicating she had something on her own, “Here I’ll get it.

He reached forward, his hand moving up to her face — his thumb gently swiped at the corner of her mouth, wiping away the melted ice cream. Jordynne unconsciously parted her lips as his thumb traced the curve of them. Their eyes finding each other during the few seconds — holding each other’s gaze.

Sienna coughed awkwardly — breaking the moment.

“You get it?” Jordynne asked, blinking herself back to reality.

He smiled sheepishly at her, “Yeah, I did.” Her eyes fell to the ground before his did, her face flushing a deep pink.

Sienna grabbed onto Jordynne’s shoulder, turning her attention, “Hey Jordynne, I need to wash my hands. Come with me?”

“Oh,” She tried to hide the surprise on her face, “Sure.” She followed Sienna’s quick march to the public restrooms across the park.

“Uhhh, so I thought you guys were gonna cool it?” She asked with one eyebrow raised as they entered the restrooms.

“What? We are — nothings happened.” She shrugged in reply as she headed to the sink.

“Suuuuuure,” The word dragged on with a tone of disbelief, “You looked like you were about two seconds away from sucking each other’s face.”

She shook her head, “We’re just friends right now Sienna.”

“Mhmmm.” Her friend sounded like she still didn’t believe her.  

“I mean it.”

She watched as Sienna turned on her heel and headed into one of the dark green stalls. “I’m just saying friends don’t look at each other like that.”

“You should talk. Aren’t you and Danny “just friends”?” She retorted. She grinned a little when she got no reply.

As she waited, Jordynne pulled out her phone from her back pocket. Her thumbs swiped over her keyboard quickly as she replied to the lengthy group chat between Kenzie, Carter and Jason. God, she missed them.

She started scrolling aimlessly through pictogram, liking photos of friends and scenery back home. Her homesickness was starting to become intolerable.

Her eyebrows furrowed as she scrolled passed a photo quickly — not quite believing what she saw. Scrolling back up, she felt a pang in her chest as she realized she saw it right.

It was Ethan.

The World Health Organization had posted it — whom she followed long before he volunteered with them and flown off to a different continent. He was in the corner of a white tent — his mouth pressed in a firm line as he listened to the slightly out of focus patient sat in front of him.

He looked more rugged — his stubble darker and longer than she had ever seen it. His skin had a golden tinge to it from spending time in the Brazilian sun. It was weird to see him out of his usual button-up shirt and jacket — he was wearing a soft henley instead, showing off the lines of his neck and shoulders.

She swallowed her feelings down as she realized the most important thing about the photo. He looked fine. His usual Ethan Ramsey self. He wasn’t torn up about leaving. He clearly didn’t look like he was having sleepless nights, worrying about what happened to them, what was going to happen to them.

Not that she was doing that anymore.

Well, not as often. She was trying.

Jordynne blinked away at the tears welling in her green eyes — staring up at the tacky fluorescent lighting in the public restroom.

“Hey — you okay?”

She felt Sienna’s warm fingers grab onto her wrist gently. Her coffee coloured eyes were filled with worry.

Jordynne mustered on a smile, squeezing her eyes shut to get rid of any lingering tears. “Oh, yeah yeah. I’m fine.” She reassured — sliding her phone back into her back pocket quickly, “Just my allergies with all the pollen.”

Sienna looked up at Jordynne, her eyebrows still meeting in the middle a bit from concern, “Okay.. you good to head back to the others?”

“Of course. Everything’s good.” She lied through her teeth, forcing a smile onto her face a lot easier then she thought she could.

_____________________________________________________________________

 A couple of days off in the nearby port town did Ethan a lot more good than he had expected.  Santarem was gorgeous — it had been a long time since he had been able to visit somewhere new as just that, a visitor. Not a doctor — he had no busy conferences or meetings or lectures to attend. And there were definitely no tents for taking RPDs for Malaria — thankfully he got to take a break from that.

He could barely remember the last time he had just gone somewhere to enjoy being there.

That’s why when he saw the sign for motorcycle rentals, he had marched straight towards the shop.

Now he was riding along the coastline — the wind wiping around him as the fine machine purred down the road. The green leather jacket he had purchased was still a little tight — it needed to be broken in. But he had liked the way he felt in. How he felt on the bike.

A little jolt of pain went through his face — and Ethan realized it was because he was smiling. So wide that it was hurting.

Pulling over on to the side of the road, he used the toe of his boot to put up the kickstand. Maneuvering around a few rocks he made his way to the shoreline.

He stood there for a moment — putting his hands into his jeans’ pockets and soaking in the Amazon river in all its glory.

Pulling out his phone he took a photo of the scenic view of the river. He hadn’t touched the device since he came to South America — airplane mode staying on constantly to stop any reminders of Boston to come creeping in. Then he twisted around and took a picture of his rented motorbike. The only photos of his trip so far — and they were moments he would want to remember.

Without the wind wiping around him, he felt hot in his leather jacket. Shrugging it off, he laid it out onto the sand and sat on it — his arms resting on his knees as he looked out at the water.

And then it hit him.

Miami.

Sitting on that beach with Jordynne — sharing the tiny space of his tuxedo jacket. Closing his eyes he could still remember the feeling and weight of her resting her head against his shoulder.  Or the way her green eyes had stared into his — trying so desperately to read him, to see if he was feeling the same things as her on that quiet beach.

Snapping his eyes open again, he let out a loud sigh — his eyebrows furrowing in anger with himself. He had been enjoying himself — finally, he had a moment of solace and he let that memory creep in to ruin it.

Why had it taken him so long to find that solace? Over a month of being here — away from all of it, Boston, the hospital, Naveen, her. And still, he was battling it. Constantly — every day.

His body twisted with want, and anguish and frustration.

It — they — she had so much power over him still. Even 3200 miles away in a different timezone, a different continent. And that’s what scared him the most. It terrified him. 

Ethan took a hard swallow, trying to stop the emotion that was climbing up his throat making it harder to breathe.

Part  3

[ckret2]

Toxic Genes

SPOILERS for Detective Pikachu below!! Even the summary has spoilers, avert thine eyes.

Fandom: Pokémon, Detective Pikachu movie Characters: Harry Goodman, Mewtwo, and Detective Pikachu Words: 5000 Summary: Three weeks after regaining his body, Harry and Pikachu come home to find Mewtwo crouched under a furniture fort in a way that reminds Harry far too much of how Tim used to hide when he was a scared child. Harry crawls in to see what’s wrong. They talk about nature and nurture, about murder, about friendship, about guilt, about hugs—and make the first steps toward processing the nightmare they went through. Notes: Vaguely a sequel to “Medical Research”, which is available on my ao3 linked in my description or on my blog in the #my writing tag, and I’d link it here except if I included a link then tumblr would hide this post from search results. If you don’t want to read "Medical Research”, all you need to know is that pre-movie Harry asked Mewtwo to voluntarily come to PCL, because he’d been told that PCL was doing totally harmless medical research.

"What the...?"

Harry's gaze was first caught by the streetlight coming through his inexplicably broken window blinds; then by the shattered glass beneath the window; and then, as his gaze moved across the floor, by upturned books and papers, smashed mugs, a broken TV, and half his furniture—desk, upturned couch, coffee table, and a bookcase from his bedroom—piled haphazardly in one corner.

"Oh, god." Who? He'd investigated a couple of criminal organizations over the last few years, he'd helped a thug with a Geodude get arrested only a couple of days before he'd been Pikafied— "Tim? Tim!" Pikachu jumped off his shoulder and darted for the pile of furniture while Harry rushed to the door to Tim's room. The bed frame was overturned and dragged halfway to the door, the mattress was missing—

"He is not home."

Mewtwo's appearance always came with what felt like an atmospheric change inside Harry's head, like a low pressure front heralding a coming storm. Its voice was a rumble of thunder: booming, inescapable, everywhere. Harry could clearly feel Mewtwo's pressure on his mind now; had he been too distracted when he came in to notice it sooner? "Mewtwo? Where are..."

Pikachu squeaked to get Harry's attention. He turned back to the living room just in time to see Pikachu's crooked tail disappear under the furniture pile.

"You've gotta be kidding me," he muttered.

Harry knelt in front of his desk. (Hoo boy, his old knee injury did not like that; maybe Mewtwo really did change atmospheric pressure wherever it went.) He bent down, peering under the desk, deeper into the furniture pile—

And there, in the dark, was Mewtwo. Sheltered beneath a fort made of upturned furniture, the couch and bookcase propped precariously over its head, sitting in a nest made with Tim's mattress and the couch cushions, huddled with arms and legs crossed in a way disturbingly reminiscent of how Harry had seen it curled up while in containment at PCL.

"Uhh... hi?"

"Hello."

Harry tried to shuffle on all four under the desk. "What's—ow." His back had banged into the bottom of the desk. He dropped down to army crawl in instead. "What's up?" He stopped when his forearms bumped into Tim's mattress and looked up at Mewtwo.

Mewtwo looked down on Harry like an alien surveying an Earthling for the first time, with vast violet eyes that seemingly held all the vast space and potential of a distant star-birthing nebula. It was humbling and terrifying, the profoundly powerful mind that could be glimpsed through those eyes.

And with that unearthly mind shining through its massive eyes, Mewtwo gazed down upon Harry—and with a voice like the thunderous warning of an inexorably advancing storm, it spoke—

"I wanted company," it mumbled.

"Oh," Harry said. "Under—under my furniture?"

Mewtwo adverted its gaze, like any embarrassed human would. "I—wanted a cave," it said. "But not to be alone in one."

"Oh," Harry said again. "Got it."

Pikachu had already climbed into Mewtwo's lap and settled there, nuzzling its crossed arms.

"I apologize for the mess," Mewtwo said. "I did not intend..." It started to trailed off, leaving the thought unfinished; but before it could truly leave the thought behind, it finished, "... to turn your home upside-down." It hadn't needed to finish the thought. Maybe, Harry speculated, a telepathically-transmitted thought came all in a package, and you couldn't just... stop one in the middle? That made sense to Harry, at least.

"Ahhh, this place has looked worse," Harry said, although it wasn't really true. He'd had a hell of a time getting his files reorganized after he got his memories—and his body—back; but he hadn't needed to worry about straightening out pieces of furniture that were precariously propping each other upright. But he'd worry about that later. He wasn't about to scold the most powerful Pokémon on the planet for making a mess.

Especially since, Harry figured, right now, Mewtwo probably needed its "cave" more than Harry needed a neat apartment. Harry wasn't as good at reading Mewtwo's body language as Pokémon he was more familiar with, like Pikachu or Ludicolo. But from what little Mewtwo had said so far, and from what Harry could see in the dark of its eyes, curled shoulders, and drooping tail, Harry got the impression that it was tired. Tired, and more than a little shellshocked.

When Tim had been four or five, he'd gotten a cheap blue toy tent, kept up with plastic white rods, with a big swirly Polywag face on the side. They'd set it up in a corner of the dining room for him. He'd loved to play in the tent. But when he'd started school, or when a babysitter was coming over, the tent gained a new purpose: it was a hiding place, where more mornings than not he'd run to hide when his parents looked for him to get dressed for school, or when the doorbell rang indicating the babysitter's arrival.

The phase hadn't lasted long. He soon got to know the kids and had fun at school. He always remained suspicious and distrustful of his babysitters, but when his grandma had retired and taken over babysitting duties he'd happily latched on to her. He outgrew the tent.

But Harry still remembered when his little boy had used it—how he'd curled up under the tent, crying tears of anger and fear, terrified to be taken to a strange place or left with a strange person.

Mewtwo was calm, quiet, subdued—almost abashed at its own behavior—but Harry was reminded so much of Tim in his Poliwag tent.

So he said what he'd always said when he found Tim hiding: "Do you wanna hang out?"

Mewtwo hesitated. "Yes."

Climbing into Tim's child-sized tent had been hard enough, and that had been when Harry was fifteen years younger. The furniture cave was a little roomier, but the underside of his tilted bookcase was a lot less forgiving than a vinyl tent when he bonked his head on it. Mewtwo hovered a few inches to the side to give him more space, tilting its head under the slope of the upturned couch, and Harry eventually managed to squeeze into the space beside it, turn around, and sit. At this close range, he was uncomfortably aware of Mewtwo's scent, which was something between "urban alley overrun with wild Meowth" and "Machoke that missed a shower after a good work out." He tried to breathe shallow breaths and told himself he would get used to it. He'd gotten used to a Pikachu in the apartment. Granted, Pikachu wasn't nearly seven feet tall and taking up half the space in a poorly-ventilated furniture fort.

Now that he was properly situated, he moved on to the second question he'd asked whenever he'd been permitted to enter Tim's tent: "You wanna talk?"

Tim had usually shaken his head and hid his tearful face in his crossed arms. So he wasn't surprised when Mewtwo replied, "I do not know that there is anything for us to discuss."

It was wrong, of course.

They could talk about Howard Clifford's pending trial, and whether or not Mewtwo was willing to appear as a witness. It was rare for Pokémon to provide testimony in trials, but it did happen, more frequently when the Pokémon was a telepath that could directly speak for itself, or when the Pokémon didn't have a trainer or partner who was involved in the trial and so couldn't be suspected of having been coached in its answers by a human—both of which circumstances applied to Mewtwo. But Mewtwo might not want to go to the trial, where it would be the center of astronomical attention and possibly a target. Having suddenly burst out of the tabloid pages into the streets of Ryme City, already tourists, scientists, and collectors were flocking to the city with hopes of catching a glimpse—or more—of the hitherto-unproven Manmade Miracle, The World's Only Clone Of The Mythical Mew, The Most Powerful Pokémon In The World.

Or they could talk about where Mewtwo was going to go now. Did it want to go back to Kanto, where Harry had found it and persuaded it to come to PCL? If so, did it want to fly all the way back itself, or would it be willing to ride? Harry would be happy to pay for whatever means of transportation Mewtwo was happiest taking—hell, Harry would buy a used car and drive it all the way back to Kanto himself, it sounded like a great road trip anyway—if Mewtwo even suggested that it was nervous about traveling, visible and exposed, all by itself, all the way home. It would be a valid fear, now that it had made international news. Or did it not want to go to Kanto? Did it plan to hang around a while longer? Or maybe go traveling, see some other regions, perhaps find somewhere new to live?

Or they could talk about the phantom pains Harry still had. They'd improved steadily during his first few days back in his own body, but the recovery had hit a plateau, and he felt like he'd been basically the same for the past couple of weeks. Even though Mewtwo had restored his body in perfect health—even reducing a few (but not all) old aches and pains he'd picked up in the course of his detective work—at times he still faintly felt the burns, the injuries, the broken bones, that he'd had when he'd dissolved into Pikachu. Like a second body, ghostly, superimposed over his own, still carrying his fatal wounds. Would these psychic hurts fade over time? Or otherwise heal? Was there something Mewtwo could do about them? Not that Harry wasn't grateful beyond words for everything Mewtwo had already done to save him; but it was exhausting to keep waking up feeling fire on his back and broken glass under his cheek and hands, to realize that the fire was his comforter and the glass was his mattress.

Or they could talk about what plans Mewtwo had now to protect itself. Early on, after Mewtwo had come to PCL but before they scientists had discovered the treasures hiding in its genes and demoted it from "volunteer research participant/consulting geneticist" to "harvestable cache of R," it had mentioned—and downplayed—its concerns about the organized crime syndicate that had pursued it before discovering its new location. Surely that fear had been multiplied tenfold, now that every eye in the world was peeled for a sign of Mewtwo. Anybody who spotted it would know what it was; any information about its location would spread much faster and farther without being dismissed as a hoax or urban legend. Was it going to withdraw from civilization completely again, find another cave or a deep jungle to hide in? Harry had been approached by an agent of the International Police a few days after the whole incident, interviewed, given a card in case he thought of or found any information to share with her, and told he might be contacted again later for more details. He could pass on Anabel's contact info to Mewtwo. She'd said she had experience with incredibly powerful and nearly unknown Pokémon, and that where Mewtwo was concerned, her top priority, above all else, was to ensure that it was safe and not about to end up in another lab. Harry felt like they could trust her; and if Mewtwo really did fear some crime syndicate coming after it, it could find few better allies and defenders than the International Police.

Or they could talk about whatever internal turmoil had driven Mewtwo to break into Harry's apartment, to trash the place in its frantic efforts to make a safe "cave," and to huddle there all alone for however long it took Harry and Pikachu to get home.

But Mewtwo said there was nothing to discuss.

So Harry said, "Okay. We can just sit for a while. How's that?"

"Very well."

And so they sat. Harry doubted the silence would last long. It rarely had with Tim.

Pikachu had been looking back and forth between them as they spoke, but now that things were settled, he returned to nuzzling. In the dark under the furniture, Harry could see tiny sparks where he rubbed his cheeks against Mewtwo's arm; and then faint spectral psychic light rippling through Pikachu's fur. Was Mewtwo petting Pikachu telekinetically? Pikachu started making that faint, high pitched, whispery "piiiii~" he always made when Harry found just the right spot to scratch under his chin, so apparently so. Wow. That was a new one.

Mewtwo held out longer than five-year-old Tim ever had. But eventually, it said, as quietly as a fleeting reminder of a subconscious memory, "My genes are toxic."

It was so quiet that it took Harry a moment to recognize the absurd statement as a rumble of thunder rather than some strange flicker of his own brain. "What?"

"The R," Mewtwo said. "It was derived from one of my own genes. Did the doctor tell you what she named the gene?"

"The doctor" always meant "Dr. Ann Laurent." Harry found that Mewtwo had difficulty telepathically conveying human names if they weren't also words with definitions. It had called him "Hairy"—which sounded the same as "Harry," but he could feel the difference in the way Mewtwo thought the word—until he'd persuaded it to stick to "Good Man" or "detective" instead. "Ann" or "Laurent" were far beyond its communicative capabilities.

"No, she didn't say."

"The Berserk Gene," Mewtwo said morosely. "It makes Pokémon vastly more powerful, but—confuses them. It makes them lose their minds with fury."

Harry nodded. He knew all that, of course—far too well. He and Pikachu had seen R at work in the streets, and they'd tracked it back to the source. His stomach had filled with lead every time they'd uncovered another clue suggesting the drug came from PCL, where he'd thought he'd left Mewtwo to safely work on developing medicine. But if Mewtwo felt the need to re-explain all that, even though it knew Harry knew—

"And this gene is inside me. This gene, that makes Pokémon powerful, but dangerous. And I, the carrier of the gene, the most powerful Pokémon..." Mewtwo could have trailed off there; but it again went on anyway, shame and regret tinging its thoughts: "I have been very dangerous." During the car wreck, Harry's nose had been clogged and singed by hot ashes, and he'd felt them coat the back of his tongue; carried on Mewtwo's thoughts, he tasted ashes now, but he didn't think Mewtwo was remembering the wreck. "After everything—is that, then, my nature? Is that what is foundational to me? To what I am? Danger, and an inborn incapacity to control my own anger?"

"No!" Harry said immediately. "No, no, that can't be— Look, you saved my life, didn't you? And the whole city. All while not destroying PCL in a fit of fury, or—or snapping Howard's neck." Harry had called him "Howard" the whole time he'd been working for him, back when Howard had been claiming that his work at PCL with Mewtwo would be used to create medicine for Pokémon and humans based on Mew's genes; now, after everything, the name felt wrong coming out of Harry's mouth. It sounded too familiar.

Even now, Harry still wondered if Howard Clifford had been lying, if he'd always planned to use Mewtwo to forcibly fuse people and Pokémon together; or if at one point he really had been planning to make medicine, and only zealously seized upon his new plan when the lab accidentally stumbled upon R and started working out what it and Mewtwo's powers were capable of.

"There's a whole lot of people you have some really good reasons to be furious at—even me, I'm the one who got you into this mess—but you never lashed out. You didn't punish—you saved. That's your nature."

"No, that's my nurture," Mewtwo said. "My nature is—destruction. My first conscious act was a massacre." It flinched, tail twisting and thumping against the wall, and it jerked its head to look away from Harry again, as though it hadn't meant to spill that revelation out. Pikachu hopped back at the suddenness of Mewtwo's motion, landing on the mattress in front of its crossed ankles.

And Harry was suddenly aware, once again, of Mewtwo's scent, of the weight of a thunderstorm pressing down on his mind, of the way the tilting furniture seemed to trap them together, of how thickly Mewtwo's presence filled the air surrounding Harry.

Mewtwo had killed people.

Harry swallowed hard; and asked, with a twitchy crooked smile, like he was trying to make it a joke: "Well—well, did—they deserve it?"

Mewtwo still didn't look at him. That was answer enough. But still Mewtwo replied: "No."

Harry tried to process this. He tried to lean back a little, to get some space to think; his head thunked against the bookcase again. "Ow."

Mewtwo flinched again, then shifted, and the furniture shifted with it. "I shouldn't have intruded."

And once again Mewtwo wasn't a killer but a self-conscious child. "No, no wait, hold on—" Harry automatically reached out and grabbed its arm. Mewtwo went still, and so did the furniture. "Hey, you came here because you needed company, right? What kind of friend would I be if I turned you out just like that?" ... Were they friends?

"Are we friends?" Somehow, when Mewtwo asked the question, it came across like a Pokémon one fifth its height.

Which sealed the deal for Harry. "If we weren't, we are now. How's that sound?"

"Even though I've killed humans?"

"What's a couple of murders between friends?" Harry asked, unconvincingly. "Hey. I'm a detective. I've worked with the police more times than I can count. You're far from the first murderer I've met."

Although it was the most terrifying murderer he'd met. And honestly, he wasn't sure how he was going to get over that knowledge.

Mewtwo didn't leave, but it did shrink back from Harry's touch, pulling its arms and legs in closer to its body. Pikachu scooched closer to it, but didn't try to get on its lap again. Harry wondered if Mewtwo could feel his doubts.

"Okay—it's scary," he admitted. "You said you killed a bunch of people who didn't deserve it, that's scary. But you know what's scarier? The killers who say their victims did deserve it. That's—I don't know if it's possible for people or Pokémon to be 'dangerous' in their very nature. I honestly feel like it isn't possible, personally—no matter what genes you happen to have. But, if it is possible to have a dangerous nature—I think the only people with that nature are the ones who'd kill someone else, and then, looking back on it years later, say that they were asking for it. And that's not you. Right?"

Mewtwo lowered its gaze, thinking that over. Pikachu tentatively climbed back into its lap.

"Perhaps," it said grudgingly. Then straightened its back and snarled silently. "This is foolish. I decided years ago that I was not going to let who I was be dictated by how I was created—or what I was created to be. That what I am is determined by what I choose to do, and nothing else."

"Yeah!" Harry nodded encouragingly. "Exactly! That's the exact right attitude."

"But I had hoped that, for once, I could—find something in my nature to be proud of," Mewtwo said. There was an edge of desperation, of grief in its voice. "I wanted to—be something inherently good. The source of medicine. Not merely something inherently bad endlessly striving to try to become good. I thought I could be different. Even after they found the Berserk Gene, I thought—if I stayed long enough, if they kept looking, and found something else... they might find... it."

Mewtwo sounded unsure what "it" was supposed to be. Like it had no idea what, exactly, it had been hoping for.

"I don't know," it said. "I don't know. I wanted something good to come from me. Instead—I—permitted atrocities. Who knows how much R is still out there? Everything that has happened to Rhyme City is my fault."

Harry sat up straighter. (And, for the third time, bumped the sore spot on his head against the bookcase. Ow.) He'd had no idea Mewtwo blamed itself. He'd thought, if anything, Mewtwo would blame him.

(Harry elected not to explain that "Ryme City" didn't have an H, he knew it didn't make a difference to Mewtwo.)

"Hey," he said softly. "You didn't know. How could you have? You were trapped in there, remember? If you'd been able to get out of that tank, you would have."

"But I wasn't contained at the start," it said. "I had a choice. I could have chosen to leave at any time after they discovered what the Berserk Gene did. But I stayed, even while they were experimenting with what would become R, and I saw them losing interest in other avenues of research—because I thought I could make up for it. Until they sealed me up for good." Its tiny nostrils flared. (Harry found itself wondering whether Mewtwo could adequately breathe, seven-ish feet tall with those little holes. Was it getting enough oxygen?)  "I'm not naïve around humans. I should have known better. I allowed myself to be deluded by hope." In Mewtwo's venomous mental voice, "hope" came out like a dirty four-letter word.

Harry didn't know what to say to that. It felt cruel to try to tell Mewtwo it shouldn't have worried so much about proving its DNA was "good" when its actions were what mattered, when Mewtwo itself had clearly already learned that lesson and was disgusted with itself for forgetting it; it felt disingenuous to try to reassure Mewtwo that it was indeed a good person regardless of what weird side effects one or two of its genes held when, suddenly, Harry himself wasn't entirely confident he thought Mewtwo was good after learning just a little bit more about its past; and so he said the only other thing left he could think of to say, the only thing that made sense and that he felt was true.

"I'm sorry," he said. "Everything they did to you, everything they made you feel about yourself—it's my fault. You never would have gone to PCL if I hadn't tracked you down and talked up all the great research they were doing. Whatever you blame yourself for—I don't blame you. I've never blamed you. The experiments they did on you, the R, the—the weird Poké-fusions—all of it, every bit, was my fault."

He paused.

"Okay, that's—that's not true, it's Howard Clifford's fault, and I can't wait to see his trial, but—that's not the point! I was the middle-man! I let you fool yourself into thinking that PCL was gonna do great things by playing around with your genetics, because—because I thought they were, too. I fooled myself. I—I really, really wanted to be doing something good."

He'd wanted, so much, to think he was doing something right with his life. He hadn't been able to somehow miraculously save his wife from a slow, declining death. He hadn't been there for his son when he'd needed a dad—not when he was grieving, not when he was struggling through puberty, not when he was trying to figure out how to be an adult. Even as a detective, he felt like half of his jobs were jealous spouses asking him to follow around their partners and see what secrets they were keeping—that wasn't fighting crime or helping people, it was just paid stalking.

And then Howard Clifford had asked him if he wanted to do something revolutionary for both human- and Pokémon-kind.

And Harry had gone and proudly asked Mewtwo the same question.

"You know—murdering aside," Harry said, "from what I've seen, I think, overall, you've been a much better person than me."

Mewtwo tilted its head, considering that.

"If you consider yourself responsible for everything I did because you brought me to PCL," it said, "then you must also consider yourself responsible for everything I did because you rescued me. I could not have saved myself, much less Rhyme City, if not for you."

"Well," he said grudgingly. "When you put it that way." Now he was the one avoiding eye contact. He could feel Mewtwo's gaze on the side of his head.

"You find that difficult to accept."

"Well, I mean—I guess."

"Feeling guilt is easier than feeling anything else. If multiple emotions are in competition, guilt wins." Mewtwo spoke with the authority of someone who had decades of experience and careful study to draw upon. "Is that true for humans, too?"

A lump formed in Harry's throat.

Howard Clifford had said Mewtwo had been made about twenty years ago—it might be younger than Tim, even if only by a few months.

Harry thought again to Tim crying in a tent by himself because he was scared to go to school, and tried to imagine someone younger than that being a murderer.

Surely, Mewtwo hadn't been responsible. How could it have been? It might have been its fault, but that didn't mean it was responsible.

Harry said, "Do you do hugs?"

"What?"

"Is that—is that a thing that Mewtwo do? Or that Mew do? I don't know where that behavioral instinct would come from. You, do you do hugs?"

"I—don't know," Mewtwo said. "Nobody has ever tried to hug me before."

"Oh, that's heartbreaking."

"I have been cuddled," Mewtwo offered. And dropped its gaze demonstratively to Pikachu, who was still snuggled up in its lap.

"Yeah? Cuddles are good, then?"

"I suppose."

"Great, then we're trying out hugs. C'mere. If anyone needs a hug, you do." He scooted over, looked Mewtwo up and down, tried to figure out the least awkward way to manage this—after a pause, Mewtwo helpfully leaned a few inches away from the couch—and at last, he slid one arm around Mewtwo's upper back, and another just below its crossed arms, so he wouldn't pin its arms in place. He'd pet a hairless Delcatty once. The texture wasn't quite the same, but it was close. "There. Good?"

For a moment, Mewtwo tensed; and then after another moment, it started to relax. It didn't uncross its arms, but Harry did feel a very light telepathic pressure around his torso, which he figured was probably about the same as getting hugged back. It was honestly a little disconcerting, but not bad for a first effort. "Thank you."

"Listen," Harry said. "You've had an incredibly rough time lately. And—throughout life in general, from what little I know about your whole mysterious history, but—especially lately. And I get that you're an independent Pokémon, you don't wanna be tied down by a trainer, that's fine, but—just because you're a loner doesn't mean you have to be alone, you know? You've got friends here—me, and Pikachu—"

"Piiika!"

"—and Tim too, I know he's grateful for all you've done to help us. If you ever need something—company, a safe haven, anything—you're always welcome to do just what you did tonight, and come right back here. I'll leave a window unlatched for you, okay?"

"You would let me take refuge here?"

"Of course. Why wouldn't I?"

Mewtwo looked at Harry, then at Pikachu, then at Harry again; then finally looked away, and repeated, "Thank you." The words hung heavy with a multitude of conflicted emotions. Harry hazarded a guess that this was what Mewtwo being choked up sounded like.

"Any time."

After a moment, Mewtwo said, "I should tell you—because of the Berserk Gene, I am literally toxic."

"Yeah. That's the first thing you mentioned. It's all right. It doesn't define you. And hey, maybe it isn't even active in you? I mean, I've got the genes for my dad's blue eyes, but they don't show up in—"

"No. I mean I am toxic. At the lab they found a pheromone in my perspiration caused by the Berserk Gene. I sweat diluted R."

Harry jerked his arms off Mewtwo. After a moment, he scooped up Pikachu too. Pikachu squealed in surprise. "Thanks for the head's up."

"I should have mentioned it sooner."

"We'll do hugs with blankets next time, okay?" He wagged a finger at Pikachu. "And you're getting a bath." Pikachu whined.

He could see Mewtwo curling in on itself again. "Hey, c'mon. Don't be like that." He figured if he was mildly infected, it wasn't going to get any worse if he put a reassuring hand on Mewtwo's shoulder. "Vaguely poisonous sweat isn't a death sentence. It's—sure, it's a challenge, but—" Everything about Mewtwo's life seemed like a challenge. Who did it torque off in a past life to end up with such a bad hand in this one? "But now you know about it, and you can adjust. Right? And you've still got friends here."

Mewtwo didn't reply, apparently sunken into its own thoughts again. It was a melancholy thing, wasn't it? 

Well. It had a lot to process. Harry didn't blame it if it had to spend a lot of time just trying to think things through.

They all had a lot to process. Mewtwo, Harry, Tim, Pikachu—the whole city... They'd hardly even started.

Harry was exhausted.

Mewtwo looked exhausted.

"Stay the night," he said. "You can sleep in here. And you should have something to eat. I have poffins, got any flavor preferences?"

"Grepa and occa berries make me sick."

"I'll check the ingredients." He set Pikachu down to let him exit first, and then awkwardly crawled out after him.

As he walked to the kitchen, he pulled out his phone to text Tim a warning about the state of the apartment. Tim could sleep on Harry's bed. Harry was used to roughing it.

He wondered if there was a place nearby where he could buy a small tent to set up indoors.

Comments/reblogs are welcome! If you want to leave a tip or like the fic on AO3, the links are in my description!

[surveysonfleek]

432.

5000 Question Survey Pt. 15

1401. Do you like your movies and books to be more lighthearted or serious? depends on my mood. but usually light hearted. 1402. What's more important, first impressions or lasting impact? first impressions. i kinda lose interest if the first impression sucks. 1403. Order these areas of psychological health from what you need the least improvement in to what you need the most improvement in: physical, emotional, social, intellectual, environmental, spiritual spiritual, environmental, social, intellectual, emotional and physical. 1404. Do you react appropriately to things and control your feelings? i’d say so. 1405. Do you have stable relationships? yes.

1406. Do you need to be in a relationship to feel good about yourself? not at all. but it’s been so long that idk what i’d be like alone. 1407. Which is the most clear and concise, your thoughts, your speech or your writing? Which is the least clear and concise? most clear: thoughts. least: writing coz i never write. 1408. Are you always trying to learn new things? not all the time. 1409. Do you feel at peace? not yet. 1410. Do you have strong morals and ethics that you believe in and adhere to? yeah. 1411. Are you over or under weight? over. 1412. Do you think of the needs of all humanity or just the needs of yourself and those you know? tbh me and those i know. after i fix myself, i can start focusing on the needs of others. 1413. Do you recycle? yes. 1414. Are you active in your community? not at all. 1415. Are you sensitive to the needs of others? not really? 1416. Do you dress up to go to the mall? haha omg no. it used to be a huge thing back in high school, but i couldn’t care less these days. 1417. Have you ever been on anti depressants? nope. 1418. Name a part of your body. Give that part of your body a name. heart. heart lol. 1419. Is fourteen your lucky number? nope. 1420. What could make you lose respect for someone? having them do something unforgivable. 1421. Is ignorance really bliss? i don’t think so. it could lead to a rude awakening. 1422. What can be described as 'even better than the real thing'? not sure. 1423. Are you jealous that dog can lick their own genitals? If you could do that would you ever leave the house? no and yes. 1424. What's in your wallet right now? driver’s license, debit card, credit card, membership cards, receipts and coins. 1425. Do you write letters that you never send? nope. 1426. Do you ever get the feeling people are laughing at you? sometimes. 1427. Who's the one person you'd like to drop a house on? haha idk. 1428. Have you ever been swept off your feet? i guess. 1429. Tell me why you don't like Mondays: because i have work. 1430. In the Harry potter series the books seem to be getting darker and more serious with each new release. Do you like this change or do you prefer the story to be light? i thing the change suits the development of the story. i’d lose interest if the entire series was light hearted. 1431. How often do you update your diary? weekly. 1432. What do you mostly write about in your diary? my schedule. 1433. How many quizzes and/or surveys do you have in your diary as entries? oh, i didn’t know the question was regarding like a blog lol. 1433. How many forwards does your diary contain? - 1434. What is your writing style like? - 1435. How honest are you in your diary? - 1436. Why do you write in your diary? - 1437. Do you have a comet cursor on your diary description? - 1438. Do you ever chat online? only on fb messenger to people i know personally. 1439. Have you ever met someone from online? How'd that go? no. at most i’ve met mutual friends online but they still lived locally. 1440. What's your favorite horror: Movie? umm, i don’t have one. Book? goosebumps haha. 1441. Have you ever caught a mistake in a movie? yes, plenty of times. as a kid moviemistakes.com was my jam haha. 1442. Have you ever seen that munchkin who supposedly hangs himself in the Wizard of Oz? If yes, how/when should someone look for it? only in a buzzfeed post. 1443. If you had to give yourself a letter grade (A, A-, B, B-, C, C-, D, D-, F) for things how would you grade yourself on: Happiness: B- Being a decent human being: B Being serene (calm, peaceful): B- Kindness: B- Anger management: A- Creative thinking: C Modesty: A- Being an original: A- Knowing yourself: A- Being true to yourself: B Getting along with others: C Liking yourself: D Admitting your flaws: B Self improvement: D- 1444. Are you kinky? haha no. 1445. How would you feel if twice a week you could wake up next to the person you love? pretty good! 1446. Out of all the people you know who is most likely to be one of the great minds of our time? hmmm. not sure. 1447. Have you ever been to: Church? yes. Temple? yes. A bar? yes. A house party? yes. A rave? yes. A goth club? no. A punk show? no. A hip hop club? yes. What sounds like the most fun out of that list? a bar. 1448. So far, have you changed around any of the questions on this survey? haha no. what’s the point? 1449. Are you crying on the inside? no. 1450. Are you afraid of the future? kinda. 1451. What will you dress up as this year for Halloween (if you celebrate it)? nothing. 1452. Do you think of some people as not worthy of being your friend? yep. lol. 1453. If you won $1,000 every week until you die, would you still go to school? Would you still get a job? i’m done with school. and yeah i’d still work. 1454. What's the most difficult job you can think of? anything outdoors and strenuous on the body. i couldn’t imagine working outside in the heat during summer. 1455. If you could decorate your room with any theme you wanted what would you pick? i’d leave it the way it is. pretty simple. 1456. Of the following bands which would you be most likely to check out? roxy music (70's glam) the magnetic fields (current indie rock) kraftwerk (experimental electronic rock) <--- this one i guess. 1457. You and your boy/girlfriend have been together 6 months or longer.... One day s/he wants to go to a strip club with his/her friends to hang out. It's guys/girls night out and you aren't invited. Would you be upset by this? tbh if he told me in advance and was completely honest about it i don’t think i’d get upset. but to be fair, my boyfriend has never been to a strip club so idk what i’d feel. 1458. Can a person avoid dying if he or she does not believe in death? um i don’t think so. 1459. If someone sings songs that they don't write and they don't play any instruments or mix the songs or have any creative input at all..Are they a musician? i used to think about this a lot and yeah i guess they’re still a musician. 1460. What do the following stand for: html? something link lol idk. faq? frequently asked questions. fao? no idea. imho? in my humble opinion. hiv? something virus? aids? idk. r&b? rhythm and blues. 1461. What does the world owe you? happiness. then again, i’m in control of that. 1462. Do you read plays and books or just get the cliff notes? when i was in school i did both. 1463. What do you want to get out of life? happiness pretty much. and a family. 1464. Do you know what is really important to you? yes. 1465. What trend has been getting on your nerves lately? idk. 1466. Do you forgive yourself when you make a mistake? yeah, i just consider it as a lesson. 1467. What tiny little very small thing has made you hugely happy? days off work. 1468. Can you read body language well? i think so. 1469. Do you look people in the eye when you talk? yes. 1470. Do you notice if they aren't looking you in the eye? yes. 1471. Are you alert to opportunities? sometimes. 1472. Puppet Yoda or digital Yoda? neither. 1473. Do you look like the person you want to be? no. 1474. Do you behave like the person you want to be? yeah i guess. 1475. Some children were asked 'how would you make your marriage work?' One child, Ricky, age ten, said: 'Tell your wife she looks pretty, even if she looks like a truck.' Is this good advice? no lol. i’d rather my partner be honest with me. 1476. Do you visualize your goals and dreams? yes. 1477. 4x + 3 = 15  What is the value of x? literally haven’t done algebra in years. is it 3? 1478. Do you keep yourself organized? yes. 1479. Does anyone really win an argument? haha only in their minds. 1480. Have you ever had champagne? yes. 1481. Do you strive for perfection? no. i just thrive to be successful. 1482. Name one thing you understand. myself. 1483. Whatever it is are you afraid of it? yes. 1484. Do you dislike being told what to do? yesssss. 1485. If you had a cat would you have it declawed? i’d never get a cat. 1486. Do you prefer lobster, clams, or crab meat? tbh i like them all. 1487. What do you think about guys who don't wear underwear? omg i don’t know any guys who don’t lmao. 1488. What do you think about girls who don't wear bras? it’s fine. 1489. Do you ask for what you want? sometimes. 1490. What are you against? bigots. 1491. How many notes does your diary have? - 1492. Ace of Base or Enya? neither. 1493. What makes you feel awkward? socially awkward situations. 1494. Have you ever been to teenopendiary.com, and if yes, how does it compare to opendiary.com? lol this must be soooooo old. 1495. If you were going to switch to another diary website, which one would you go to? - 1496. Do you believe that certain books should be removed from high school libraries? depends on the contents. 1497. How do you feel about gay and lesbian marriages? i’m all for it. 1498. Can you rearrange the letters in your name to form any other words(check here if you aren't sure http://www.wordsmith.org/anagram/)? haha no. 1499. What is the sexiest moment in a movie? idk. 1500. Do you have a favorite stand up comedian? i don’t have a fave.

[maryisis]

My 10 day Egypt Journey

Traveling to Egypt was a dream come true for me. I have been fascinated by ancient Egypt since I was a young girl and this fascination led into my adult years with more in depth studies into the awesome ancient sites. When the opportunity came to me to travel with a small group of 6 other highly intentional people with similar interests, I made it happen- in spite of the not so great financial situation I was in- and I am SO gratefulfor the support I received to help make it happen for me. In this blog I will share about the amazing places I visited in a VERY full 10 days and I will offer my own reflections about the experiences as well as some travel tip/advice for anyone else interested in making this “pilgrimage.” I say pilgrimage because we were venturing with intentions for connecting to the energies of the places, feeling a remembrance in our souls for these ancient lands. I will first say that having a guide for our trip was *essential*- it just wold not have been possible- A guide is needed for many reasons. Egypt is not the easiest place to navigate and travel solo- to have a guide that knows the language, culture and how to negotiate with officials in absolutely necessary. Our guide was so wonderful, just reach out if you are interested in hiring him! So let’s get started!

My journey began actually in the country of Turkey. This was also a dream come true- literally. I have had a number of dreams related to Turkey- involving certain names and places and also a deep sense of remembrance. So if you want to skip straight to Egypt scroll down a little bit. 

(*Travel side note: I had frequent flyer miles through United Airlines that would cover most of my travels but for some reason I didn’t have a enough for round trip to Cairo and back. So I figured out a way to utilize my miles to take me to Izmir, Turkey and then from Frankfurt, Germany all the way home and so all I had to to do was buy 2 connecting flights: from Izmir to Cairo and from Cairo to Frankfurt- which cost around $550 for both, yet allowed me two extra little adventures with some dear friends living in this places- Plus- WHAY NOT since I’m going all the way out there~.)

TURKEY~  I arrived in Izmir, a city of over 4 miliion, to open the arms of my auntie Julianne, who now lives there as music teacher at an international school. She absolutely loves it there and I can see why. She lives in a very bustling part of the city called Alcancak and has a cute apartment that has a rooftop-soon to be garden- that overlooks the city. Below on the narrow streets are many restaurants and clubs with delicious Aegean/Mediterranean/Middle eastern foods and music. As well as being a teacher, she sings in a band, and most of her friends there are musicians. The very first night after getting in we went out to see one of her friend’s bands and met up with her other good friend, Mira, who had just gotten into town from Lebanon. I won’t go too into detail of my İzmir adventures but just provide some highlights: exploring the old and colorful places of Izmir, visiting a coastal village & getting to swim in the Aegean sea (literal dream come true) at a lovely beach and also going to visit the ancient city of Ephesus (Efes). (See photos below) I would absolutely love to return to Turkey to explore more of this country that has very ancient roots- of which I am quite fascinated by what is known of  Anatolian and Thracian cultures. And the site of Göbekli Tepe dates back perhaps over 10,000 years ago, and is evidence of an advanced civilization- an inconvenient anomaly for many historians. One of the aspects I love most about traveling is connecting with other human beings on the way. The language barrier doesn’t even really exist, especially with “google translator!.” 

Ok! now let’s get on with the Egypt journey shall we?!

DAY 1- arrival in Egypt~

I arrived in Cairo around 10:30 pm and  was greeted by someone holding a sign with my name on it when I got off the plane, who quickly escorted me through customs and helped me through purchasing the Visa on arrival (which was $25). That was all very helpful. I’ll just tell you right now that to have an organizer for our group made our travels SO easeful and smooth and I highly recommend it, ESPECIALLY if you want to travel with a small group of friends. AND if you would like me to connect you with our amazing organizer and/or guide reach out and let me know. I was then greeted at the baggage claim area by our official organizer, Ihab, who informed me of the current wild weather conditions that turned Cairo into a chaotic traffic jam with floods and accidents. He showed me to my private vehicle and driver that would take me to my hotel- The Mena House (the historic hotel that is located right next to the great pyramids of Giza). What would have been a 30 minute drive was more like and hour and a half with all the crazy traffic. I counted about 8 big accidents with car pile-ups and gratefully I arrived to the hotel safely and was shown to my room to rest. I remember getting my first glimpse of silouettes of the pyramids while approaching the hotel and it sent electricity through my body. I was really here! My room mate Tara arrived around 2 am along with the rest of the gang. And we were up early for breakfast to begin our first day!

DAY 2- GIZA / SAKKARA / DAHSHUR - (accomodations at the Marriot Mena House- Cairo’s oldest hotel, situated right next to the pyramids!)

After our breakfast we were off on our first adventure, to drive about 40 km south of Cairo into the desert to the pyramid complex of Dahshur- the largest of which is known as the “bent pyramid.”The real name of this pyramid is “Sneferu is shining in the south” (or “Sneferu is shining”) because it was covered in a  polished Tura limestone. It is not exactly known why there was the “bend” in angle of the pyramid. These are some of the oldest pyramids in Egypt, dating back to around 2600 BC. We were able to go inside of the smaller pyramid located behind the “bent” pyramid, which is thought by some to be the pyramid for the pharoah’s wife, although it may have been for more ritual purposes that for an actual burial.  Even being inside this small pyramid was impressive in its construction. (good preparation for the following day). It only reopened to the public in July of 2019, having been closed since 1965. I was also able to go inside of the Red Pyramid, which was the first “true” smooth sided pyramid ever built. That is the one seen in the photo above and below, followed by photos of the “Bent” pyramid and its smaller nearby “satellite” pyramid, which we went into. Notice the puddles from the rain!! We felt blessed from the rains, which cleared the air and kept the dust down in the desert!

Seen above is a large altar structure that is on the east side of Sneferu’s “bent” pyramid. It is what is left of the the temple from this pyramid.

We then headed north to Sakkara, to Kind Djoser’s “step pyramid.” This pyramid is actually the oldest pyramid of all. It is believed to have been designed by high priest Imhotep for Pharaoh Djoser. Imhotep is believed to have been Djoser’s chief officials and is a very important person of ancient Egypt. He was eventually deified as the god of medicine and healing, possibly 2000 years following his death. His name translates to “the one who comes in peace.” Although the tomb of Imhotep has not yet been found, it is thought is may lie somewhere in Sakkara. This “step pyramid” of Djoser will be soon opened to the public, and we were blessed to have gotten a small peek at the entrance/bottom of the stairs leading into the pyramid. 

After this exploration and feeling a new and growing fascination with Imhotep, we had the opportunity to visit a tomb that was over 5000 years old. Again, we were there all by ourselves and it was really incredible, the amount of artistry that went into this tomb- with multiple rooms, all with intricately carved and painted walls.  Afterwards we went to the town of Sakkara to have lunch and then to a place where beautiful rugs are handmade of wool, cotton and silk. I was walking aroung this place with stars in my eyes...and yes I did purchase that special Isis rug!!  Side note: When got to Sakkara step pyramid, it was right around lunch time and there was hardly anyone there because of that, which was quite nice to enjoy this place without the hordes of tourists. It pays to have a good and knowledgeable guide.

We finally headed back to our hotel to rest for the following big day.....

DAY 3- We arose very early, to depart around 4:30 am, to the Great Sphinx. The hotel was very close by so it didn’t take long before we were at the gates, and getting through security to be able to have a private two hours with the Sphinx. We arrived and walked quietly under the stars and magical waning crescent moon, to the paws of the Sphinx where we assembled into a circle and Tara led our first group ritual there. We received an anointing and a very special ormus tincture and each had the opportunity to speak our magical words of intention for what we wish to resurrect in our being. As the ritual was completed the first light began to show on the eastern horizon. All was quiet and peaceful until the first rays of light shone upon us all, sealing in the magical essence of which we all imbibed. We walked in wonder around this ancient monument that was carved from the bedrock of this land, perhaps over 10,500 years ago. I could only imagine what life was like on the earth then and how humanity lived. To think that this structure was created that long ago, challenges the the linear technological advancement of humanity and that we are currently the most advanced civilization. What this monument possibly signifies is the last/previous golden age that existed on earth, in which lived people that were highly advanced, with great knowledge of our place in the cosmos. Some may even postulate with good reason that our ancient origins lie somewhere else, not on this earth and that humans received (and possible still do receive) extra-terrestrial technological guidance. The third photo down is a photo I took from between the paws of the great Sphinx, and you can clearly see the constellation of “Orion’s belt,” which is thought by many progressive historians, such as Robert Bauval, to be related to the layout the the three great pyramids on the Giza plateau. 

After this magical experience we departed and drove out onto the Giza plateau for a great overview of the pyramids, in the early morning light. It was again, a great time to be there, as it was before anyone was up- no tourists and vendors trying to sell you stuff. It was quiet and peaceful.

Seen above, is a photo of myself with the powerful, beautiful women I was blessed to travel with. Alia: a soon to be mother and awesome music producer and DJ, Kanna: a fully embodied ceremonial healing arts practitioner, Maya: an accomplished life coach & mystery school high priestess and Tara, a songstress, Vedic astrologer and visionary entrepreneur...

In the later afternoon we prepared to visit and enter the great pyramid of Khufu (also known by his Greek name Cheops). He was the successor to his father, King Sneferu. These massive pyramids are made mostly of very large limestone blocks. Within “Khufu’s pyramid” there are 3 chambers, which are made of a dark granite that came from over 500 miles away. The pyramids used to be covered in a smooth white casing of limestone mortar, which must have been quite a sight!  The original entrance to this great pyramid is on the north side, about 59 feet above ground level. However, it may have never really been an “entrance” as it was all entirely covered up and it wasn’t until 820 AD, when the Arab Caliph Abdullah Al Manum, in a pursuit of finding tomb treasures busted his way through the pyramid making a tunnel until he accidentally “found” the original tunnel “entrance” and then also discovered the other shaft tunnels leading to the different chambers. Even though this pyramid has been regarded at King Khufu’s tomb, no treasure and no mummies were ever found. Being inside this pyramid I marveled at the advanced architectural engineering required to achieve such exquisite and perfect construction. 

Our group had an exclusive, private 2 hours in this great pyramid. We entered at sunset from this roughly hewn tunnel below and to the right of the true and original entrance. Once through that we reached the original shaft which went downward until it met another shaft leading upwards (the shaft does continue going down to a lower chamber which we did not go to). It was quite the climb up the steep, narrow and remarkably high shaft (see photo). The first and middle chamber that you reach would be the Queen’s chamber, however we kept going up to go to the King’s chamber first. Finally we were at the top of the shaft and then had to hunch over low to get through a short distance of perfectly rectangular tunnel and then we entered the King’s chamber, a box like room containing an empty and partially broken granite sarcophagus. I was in awe. The acoustics in the room were amazing, every sound echoing and resonating and then perfectly resolving to silence. We assembled into our guided formation and began our ritual, guided by Alia and Shane. I won’t go into too much detail about it but I will share that we each had the opportunity to give/receive healing hands and toning, each taking our turns to lay down in the middle. A few of us, including myself, took the opportunity to lay within the sarcophagus for a some moments. My intention was to let die any aspects in my psyche that impede my evolution and highest purpose...and to resurrect myself newly empowered.

Most of our time was in the King’s chamber, but we also got to go inside the Queen’s chamber, which was smaller and differently shaped, more chapel like. Upon exiting it was rather surreal, there were many people waiting to get inside- it was a whole film crew, and one guy dressed as Napolean Bonaparte- to play out the tale of his time alone in the great pyramid. Thankfully our trusty guides prevented this film crew from barging in and disturbing our time, which they were definitely ready to do! 

Day4-The next morning we were up bright and early and off to the airport to take a short flight 425 miles south to Aswan where we would be boarding on the Mayfair Nile cruise. Our group just happened to be the first people on board the ship so we had a wonderful relaxing time dropping in and relaxing. Then that afternoon we went to Philae, Temple of Isis. We took a quick shuttle to a little dock and then a motor boat ride to the “island” of Philae, where the temple is. This island is actually located in the reservoir of Aswan’s low dam, which was constructed in 1902. This caused the waters to rise and the Temple of Isis, in its original location, began to get inundated with the rising waters. In 1970 the it was decided that the temple would be moved to higher land so that it could be preserved for future generations. This process took 10 years and was finally re-opened in 1980. Its incredible to think that this entire temple was moved stone by stone. The temple is very beautiful and the energy is enhanced by the surrounding water. This area is/was held very sacred by the ancient Egyptians and Nubians. Just across the waters you can see where the temple once was, on a cataract of the Nile River. This area is also believed to be the burial place of Osiris. The temple’s construction began sometime around 350 BCE, yet evidence suggests that temples honoring Isis existed in this area as early as the 6th century BCE.

 After walking around the temple complex and learning about it all from our guide I found a place where I would lead our group’s ritual. I chose a small side room that had at one time been either a healing room. I felt that in this small room we would be undisturbed and (hopefully) be unnoticed by the guards, as any form of meditation or ritual is forbidden in Egypt’s ancient sites. Without going into too much of detail of the ritual, I will just say that we each had the opportunity to speak our words of power and healing, with the intention of infusing our every cell of our body with this healing light, calling upon Isis to hear our prayers. Each prayer was sealed with a self anointing of the “sacred communion” blend I brought with me. Fortunately we were able to complete our ritual before the tourist police showed up. We dispersed and still had more time to wander in wonder and revel in the healing energies before departing back to the Mayfair cruise. 

Not too surprised that a new song came through that evening on the boat! We had a lovely group dinner back on the ship that night. Every dinner we took the opportunity to check in with each other, and we each had the opportunity to share our feelings/thoughts about the guided intentional inquiries. This definitely helped to keep a conscious and ceremonial container for our group as well as maintaining a sense of harmony and understanding of each other. 

Day5-The following day after breakfast we were off early to the Kom Ombo temple, which we were able to walk to from the boat from its new “parked” location. Kom Ombo is a unique temple because it is a double temple, in honor of two different gods: Sobek, the crocodile creation god and Horus, the falcon headed God. These two gods are thought to actually be rivals. The temple has a clear central meridian line that runs through it. It is thought that this temple was once a pilgrimage site for healing and perhaps childbirth as there are sections of this temple dedicated to Hathor (Goddess of fertility and motherhood) and Khonsu (Goddess of the moon). There are fascinating heiroglyphs of women giving birth and of “two spirit” individuals. In the far back walls there are very unique hieroglyphs: very first known representations of precise surgical tools. Some of these tools include suction caps, scalpels, bone saws, dental tools, medicine bottles, forceps, birthing chairs and forceps! After we took as much time as we could feeling the vibes of this interesting temple we did a quick walk through of the crocodile mummy museum close by, before heading back on the ship. 

When we got back on the ship we had lunch and it was quite the spread! Very elaborately carved vegetables and delectable platters of food! (see photos below) The ship took off further down the nile and stopped again where we got off again, this time in Edfu. To get to the temple of Edfu, known as the “Horus temple,” we took 10 minute ride in little horse drawn carriages! That was rather fun, and if my mind remembers correctly, I think it was my first time being in a horse drawn carriage! This temple is a very well preserved temple of the ancient world, perhaps due to the fact that until the late 1700′s it was buried in the drifting desert sands and silt from the Nile River. Excavation projects to uncover this temple began in the 1860′s. What is unique about this temple is it’s art, depicting the epic battle between Horus and Set (Osiris’s brother) as well as many different chamber rooms to many different gods. The central chamber to Horus / “holy of holies” holds a black granite shrine where the golden statue of Horus once stood. In front of that is a replica of the wooden barque (the original can be seen at the Louvre in Paris), which would have held the golden statue of Hathor on festivals and during processions. This temple had a lot to see in each room, it was quite astounding. What was hard to ignore however was how many of the faces of the gods and goddess where chipped away, from when Christianity was on the rise and all things deemed “pagan” were promoted to be destroyed.

After an enchanting time at this temple we headed back on our horse chariots back to the ship and then cruised down through the night to Luxor!  

Day 6- In the morning, We left the boat and embarked on an all day journey out into the desert to Dendara and Abydos- first to the Temple of Hathor and then to the Temple of Osiris- both absolutely stunning in beauty and energy.

Hathor is the Goddess of Beauty, Healing, Joy, Music, Femininity, Fertility and motherhood. She is the cow headed goddess and consort to Horus. This temple is considered one of the most beautiful temples, because of its detailed art that covers its walls and high columns. What was especially impressive was the prevalence zodiac art on the high ceilings. This was a place of healing also, and the tempe had its own large water reservoir next to it. There was a lot to see here, with many rooms and interesting and mysterious art depictions. Again we were blessed to experience this temple at a very quiet time, with not too many tourists. We had a beautiful ritual in a private back temple building, in which we were given the key to enter the locked door and we sat inside for an undisturbed time. I feel like we were in a building that was once for the temple priestesses to prepare for rituals in the main temple, almost like an ancient  “green room.” As you will see, many of the faces of Hathor on the large pillars were etched out and destroyed, but I did find some intact ones in the excavated pieces that lie in front of the temple. (see photos) Also seen at this temple is the god Bes, ancient Egyptian god of childbirth, fertility, sexuality, humor, and war, but served primarily as a protector god of pregnant women and children. He is regularly depicted as a dwarf with large ears, long-haired and bearded, with prominent genitals, and bow-legged.

After our beautiful, enjoyable (and very hot) time in Dendara, we continued on our long drive to Abydos to the temple of Seti (temple of Osiris). This is a place of great interest, as the Temple of Seti is thought have been added on to more ancient Osireon which lies behind it. There are various reasons for this theory. The Osireon was built at a much lower level that the temple of Seti and is constructed with MASSIVE blocks of stone. The whole appearance of it is actually very similar to the valley temple that lies in front of the great Sphinx. There are little to no heiroglyphs on the structures, the only markings that can be found interestingly are two flower of life painted symbols- which are very faint and hard to see, especially since there was no access to go into the actual temple area itself, we could only stand out on the perimeters.  Also there is water present at the base of this ancient temple, due to its closeness to the water table. It is thought that is temple was where the sacred rites of Osiris were practiced and that it was a place of healing and magic. Once again, our time at this site was blessed, we had it to ourselves! It was very quiet, in an almost eerie way. It was also very dark, and a very masculine energy, a stark contrast from Dendara. There were many bats prevalent here too. As you’ll see in the art, Osiris is depicted commonly a green color, since he is the God of the underworld as well as Resurrection. What color do you turn after you die? In the last photos you can see the Osireion, which is notably very different looking. Look how massive those blocks of stone are!

It was a long drive back to the Mayfair and I enjoyed the drive, watching all the scenery and waving at kids in cars and on the street. I also sang some songs, and led a little sing along in the bus.

That our guide Yasser (above) listening intently. :)

Day 7- Valley of the Kings/Queens. We checked out of the Mayfair Cruise on this day and checked into the Sonesta St. George Hotel, in Luxor, which is situated on the Nile. It was a really nice hotel. After we were checked in we headed out on our big day to the Valley of the Kings and the Temple of Queen Hatchepsut. The Valley of the Kings is a vast necropolis located on the west side of the Nile in the stunning limestone and sedimentary rock high cliffed mountains.  There are 60 known tombs in the Valley of the Kings. what is incredible to consider is that they were put there for the purpose of never being found and disturbed! The monumental amount of work and detail goes into the building of these tombs left me feeling speechless. They are all located deep in the earth, and are ornately decorated along their walls. Most of the tombs were raided early on, yet even with what is left is awe-inspiring. The one very famous tomb is of “King Tut,” which was the one that had been found more recently than the others, and was still intact- All of the incredible treasures are now Cairo’s museum, so we didn’t even bother to go to the actual tomb, since it was empty and apparently the walls are pretty bare. One of most impressive of the tombs we did go into was of Ramses the 4 and 6th.

After exploring deep into about four of these massive tombs, we headed to Queen Hatchepsut’s temple and mortuary complex around in the next valley over. I am rather fascinated by this Queen, who was one two women who were pharoahs. She ruled possibly 20 years and was a well loved Queen who accomplished a lot for the benefit of her people. Although this is her mortuary temple, she was not buried here- she was buried in the Valley of the Kings. During the winter solstice, sunlight is able to penetrate the inside of the inner chapel, falling first on the chapel’s rear wall, and then moving across slowly to illuminate a large statue of Osiris. There is also an additional light box that allows a square of light to follow the temple’s central axis. As it travels along the axis, it first illuminates a statue of the god Amen-Ra, then a kneeling statue of King Thutmose III (her husband), and then finally a statue of Hapi the Nile god.I enjoyed this temple immensely, especially the portion dedicated to Hathor on the upper left side. Afterwards we went to the artisan village where people carve alabaster jars, statues and all sorts of things. Then we had a delicious Egyptian lunch overlooking the Nile river, with Luxor temple just on the other side. Then we went back to the nice hotel and chilled out, it was a beautiful sunset!

Day 8- Karnak and Luxor- Luxor is the arabic name meaning many palaces, and it used to be called Thebes by the Greek. It was at one time the most important political and religious center of Egypt. Luxor and Karnak temples are actually connected by a 1.7 mile avenue of Sphinxs, and there is a massive restoration project underway right now to clear this avenue to make it traversable again. Luxor was where the rise of the creator sun god Amun made the rise. Amun is depicted as a ram headed god. The worship of this almighty Amun which later became Amun-Ra, became a widespread yet it wasn’t until the rule of pharaoh Akhenaten that some major shifts started happening. He made some really big changes by banning polytheistic religion and instating a monotheistic religion of the worship of Aten. He had a new city built, Akhetaten, and abandoned Thebes as his capital. He also ordered the destruction of many polytheistic statue sites. When Akhenaten died in 1336 BCE, his son Tutankhaten (”King Tut”) took the throne, changed his name to Tutankhamun (1336-1327 BCE), and moved the capital of Egypt back to Thebes. He reinstated the old Egyptian religion and opened all the temples.  Being so very young, he was likely advised by his councillors to bring back the old ways to bring back the balance, the ma’at, which was ancient Egypt’s most important principle. 

Karnak is the largest religious temple complex in the world, covering 247 acres, its a  massive site with lots to see, with its giant obelisks (made of one single piece of granite!), over 130 huge pillars. Two hours was not really enough. It was built as a site for the worship of Amun but there are other temple on the site as well to the ancient mother earth goddess Mut, and to falcon god Montu.  Much of our time was at the small side temple to ancient creator, craftsman and healer god Ptah and his consort Sekhmet, the lion headed goddess of War, divine retribution and also healing. She is one of the most ancient and most fierce goddess that is called upon in times of war and in times of transformation Sekhmet was mentioned a number of times in the spells of The Book of the Dead as both a creative and destructive force, but above all, she is the protector of Maat (balance or justice) named “The One Who Loves Ma’at and Who Detests Evil.” We had a powerful group ritual, privately within this room with Sekhmet, (once again, we were given the key to the locked room) and we  amazingly had around 30 minutes, completely undisturbed, with which our guide exclaimed afterwards, “that just doesn’t happen! You are very blessed!” I made a vow that day to let go of my tendency to fear and worry, and I layed it all down at the feet of Sekhmet. I could feel the burden of suffering that was lifted from that willingness to just let it go. Another area I enjoyed exploring is the far eastern portion of the temple, behind the sanctuary of Amun, known as the botanical gardens, which was built by Thutmoses III (husband of Queen Hatchepsut). It was an area open to the sky with low walls uniquely decorated with carvings of plants and animals. 

After visiting Karnak we went to a special Egyptian perfumery run by a man who has been working with the sacred essential oils since his youth. He was an intuitive fellow that could easily read peoples energy and suggest what oils would be most beneficial for them. We got an in depth talk from him about the oils and the ancient Egyptian roots of perfumery and then of course we all ended up purchasing some. Since I was the very last person to decide on which oil I wanted ( I wanted them all!!) I finally narrowed it down to Jasmine, which is supposed to be good for the solar plexus- but I was lucky enough to have gotten gifted a $50 bottle of the rose oil too (which of course I had really wanted!).

  That evening, after a beautiful sunset, Tara and I marveled at the view from our hotel balcony of the new waxing moon low in the sky, with Venus, Mercury and Jupiter all visible!  We went to the temple of Luxor to walk within its grandeur under the stars. This temple is also called “the temple of Man” as its massive layout, as seen from above, models the human body with its perfect geometry. Our last ritual was successfully carried out in the very back of the temple, which would be like the “crown chakra” of the body After the ritual was sealed we had time to wander and marvel at the massive palace like Luxor temple and soak up the energy of this living temple. An interesting detail inside this temple is a mosque that was built later, within the temple. I visited this mosque the next day and ushered in by an enthusiastic person and was shown the interior and how within the mosque walls are the giant pillars of Luxor temple with their ancient hieroglyphs. Inside the mosque are a couple old tombs of Sufi saints as well as rooms for worship. 

The following day we had a good amount to time to relax before heading back to the Aswan airport to fly back to Cairo. After arriving in Cairo we had a lengthy drive to get to the Four Seasons hotel, through crazy Cairo traffic. But we were stoked when we arrived! That was most definitely the nicest hotel I’ve ever stayed in! Wow. We had a fun group dinner together in the Lebanese restaurant there, it was delicious!! Oh how I LOVE middle eastern food! The following day (Halloween!) we went to the Egyptian museum of Cairo, which houses many amazing treasures: countless statues, old relics, ancient jewelry and most impressive : the contents of King Tutankhamen’s tomb. It was there that we could also look upon his golden throne and many of his personal objects and most prized: the amazing gold mask that had been on his mummy- made of solid gold and inlay of lapis lazuli, obsidian, and quartz. It is around 2 feet long and weighs 25 pounds. What I found most impressive were his number of actual sarcophagi, I think there were like 5 giant golden boxes, one which fit into another. Also what was amazing to see was the stone box that held King Tut’s canopic jars- the jars that held his vital organs for the afterlife!!! After asking my guide Yasser, “Why is it that this King’s tomb was so extravagant?” and he answered- “They all were most likely like this, its just that his tomb was the only one found intact, and was not yet robbed.” This made me wonder- what has happened to all those stolen tomb treasures- treasures that were never intended to be touched or taken by anyone. 

After the museum we went to the Grand Bazaar of Cairo and had some shopping time. I didn’t do too much of that since I didn’t really have money to spend by this point! It was sure fun to look though! I didn’t have too much energy to haggle over prices, and I realized that really does suck my energy. Also, many of the store owners call out at you, asking questions like “where are you from?” in hopes to capture your attention. But most of the time they are really just trying to get you to come into their stores. A common tradition of hospitality is also offering you tea when you are in their store. I drank my fair share of tea, let me tell you ( in Turkey too)!

After the shopping bonanza we went for our last lunch together at a lovely place that overlooked a big garden area. There were many people there enjoying the day, especially many young school children, maybe on outings with their classes? I was actually starting to feel a little sad, knowing this was the end of our trip, but feeling very grateful too!

I departed early the next morning, back to the airport. I had three more nights in Germany, getting to visit with my dear old friend Aurora and her sweet family. What a contrast that was all of the sudden being in the clear cool air and magical forests! It was the perfect transition to returning home, where it was even colder! Well, its been a relaxing and reflective last few days integrating this big journey! Thanks for reading and following along! I am ever grateful for the support I received from loved ones to make this dream a reality! Would I go back? YES. If fact, I can recommend our amazing guide Yasser Al-Wahab, to anyone interested in making this sacred pilgrimage to Egypt, you would be in expert hands!

And here’s a few refreshing pics of Germany below! 

[propvestintl]

Dubai Premium Malls & Virtual Offices Presents Real Meditation

It is out of a sense of utter frustration and disgust at so much misleading information on the topic of Meditation that has forced me to finally write down my own view on the subject, which I feel will benefit those who wish to at least know what Meditation is all about.

The origin of the concept of meditation is from the Ancient East Indian Yoga System, as depicted in their ancient Vedanta Scriptures, which is claimed to be over 5000 years old.

Meditation is not an act of sitting with closed eyes and using one of multiple taught methods that claim it is meditation. Meditation is part of an 8 step process, where the last step results in actual success in achieving meditation.

Following the various steps and methods to achieve meditation can lead to serious harm to both your health and your mental health. Period! I am so sad to see so called great and respected leaders misleading people into giving short cuts to meditation, claiming they want to benefit people. Some obviously want to make money off the ignorant and others want to gain fame and followers. Most, in my opinion, don’t know what they are talking about.

Some Background

I have studied and had the privilege of practicing the system that incorporates the subtle art of mediation now for over 40 years. Although the time period spent is no indication of authenticity, as is apparent in the world since this concept was investigated by seekers. However I like to give my opinion, which I feel will clarify and open the minds of seekers of knowledge of this subtle art.

Meditation is a culmination of a major project to develop oneself to attain the higher capacities inherent in all of us, which is not an easy task but can also be simplified if the steps are clearly explained. So that one knows exactly what to expect along the progression of this lifelong endeavor.

The lifetime of a human is insufficient to reasonably achieve the highest levels of progress in this endeavor. Yet regularity of practice can bring about amazing benefits to the practitioner within a short space of time, probably some significant results within a 5 to 10 year period. These results will start to show itself in subtle ways from within a few weeks of commencement of the right practices.

I would never have written this article if I felt that people in general will not massively benefit from attempting to take on this endeavor. It can complete reverse almost any illness, physical or mental, curable or incurable. It can drastically improve the intellectual capacity far beyond what is logical. It will greatly increase a sense of peace and assist you greatly in succeeding in the achievement of your most insurmountable challenges in life. It is the true law of attraction, tailor made to you individually, from within you, from your very own higher intelligence sitting dormant within yourself.

I never started this course of study and practice for any of the above benefits as I did not believe any of that was possible but was very attracted to this system as it seemed a fascinating subject with so many subtle secrets that it simply forced me to investigate and unravel the mysteries.

I only began to understand parts of what this is about after many years of practice, over 25 years I would estimate before I took the matter seriously when I experienced some of the mind blowing results. Yet I still needed more time and only after I had encountered some serious health problems that I decided to see if the practice could help me at all, as it was fabled to.

I had been diagnosed with Diabetes for a second time, but this time was far more serious than the previous time, which I overcame without my understanding how. I was Insulin Dependent diabetic for 10 years when I eventually started practicing the yoga and meditation system more seriously. I completely recovered and thought I just experienced an odd miracle in my life. I remained well for about 13 years without any need for doctors. I greatly improved in my health and took great care of my habits in respect to food, supplements and exercise.

However the second time I was diagnosed was recently and I also had serious nerve damage and serious blood circulation problems. I lost peripheral sensitivity and I tried many herbal and medical solutions with a little success for a while but then the situation started to get worse very fast and I lost major sensitivity in my hands and legs. It was actually quite alarming and I tried to find a solution without much success. I continued trying for several months and eventually exhausted nearly every known alternative, which was also a very costly exercise. Fortunately I was able to afford the experiments.

It is by chance that I suddenly remembered about meditation, which practice I abandoned for about 13 years seeing that I felt I no longer craved sensational psychedelic experiences, which is all what I thought meditation was about.

I certainly was able to meditate very easily as I had years of dedicated practice under my belt. I sat and meditated the first evening just to see of I can perhaps get any benefit at all. I sat only for about 30 minutes and to my amazement, over 50% of my sensations returned.

I was totally blown, as you can imagine. I started to practice it regularly for just a little while daily and to my amazement, I recovered from diabetes symptoms within a few days and my sensations returned to me about 80% within the first week.

Of course the reason for the rapid improvement was I had knowledge, experience and proficiency in meditation and was able to tap into being receptive to the curative energy that awakens whilst one enters into proper meditation.

Then all the theories started to make sense. I was able to sift through the truth and fantasy with the years of changes in my life that now started to make sense.

I now understood my drastic increase in intellectual capacity during my childhood and teens. The different periods of massive financial success and failures which corresponded proportionally to my adopting and abandoning the practice over the years.

So what is meditation?

The featured image of this article gives the outline of what meditation is. It is the 8th step in a system known as Raja Yoga. The practice requires proficiency in the preceding steps before progress can safely be made.

Let me explain the steps briefly in my opinion:

Step 1: Yama – “Self Control…..”

This requires one to adopt a sound character. To have an exemplary character with reasonable levels of patience, forgiveness, helpful attitude, kindness, abandon bad habits that are harmful, etc. If this is not sound, once you awaken your higher levels of consciousness, your very thoughts that will now have power will reign havoc in the world resulting in harm to others as well as yourself of course. Every action has an equal but opposite reaction.

Step 2:  Niyama – “Discipline…”

This requires you to be able to put an action plan together and maintain consistency in it. To carry it through to the successful completion and overcome all challenges along the way. Without this ability, you cannot succeed long term in anything in life. You need to adopt a healthy active lifestyle, good career habits that will give you the financial stability to sustain your livelihood and help you make time for your higher aspirations, etc.

Step 3: Asana – ” Physical Exercise…”

This step is referring specifically to the yoga exercises which is very different from fitness exercises. Fitness exercises takes energy out of you, depleting your energy reserves as you workout. Yoga done correctly will increase your energy levels leaving you clearly more energized after the session. It actually works on the flexibility of your body and activates the spiritual centers that are closely linked to your body. If you fail to activate these centers, then you will have an imbalance in the way the spiritual energy will affect you once it is awakened. This can lead to actual physical problems that are more serious than normal physical problems. You will most likely live a life of extreme pain and suffering, completely opposite to what you intended in the first place.

The second amazing benefit is that the awakening of the spiritual centers linked closely to your body will greatly increase your health and intellectual capacity as well. You will notice the differences after a few years of regular practice.

Please note that once you start the journey to awakening your spiritual centers in your body, you will stir the inner spiritual higher self which will take control of your life and make you undergo extreme difficulties if you abandon the practice. It will literally make you lose your health, wealth and all friends and family if you leave the practice and it will not stop until you recommence the practice.

I think I said sufficient to make you understand a little what meditation really is. If you do immoral acts you will get severe punishment from mysterious circumstances. There is actually no mystery. Your own inner self is sabotaging you. It is extremely judgemental and will not hesitate to use any means what so ever to bring you back into the right path which is continue to complete what you started.

Ignorance is bliss…… I strongly recommend you not to start this journey unless you have no other choice or you are ready to drastically lose control of the life as you know it.

If you still want to pursue this further, contact me and I will be glad to introduce you to a few simple daily practices that you can adopt practically and hopefully achieve the inexplicable dimensions…..

Dubai Premium Malls & Virtual Offices

(Also available: Dubai Residence Visa, Business Set up and Premium Property Service)

https://propvestintl.wordpress.com

          Dubai Premium Malls & Virtual Offices Presents Real Meditation published first on your-t1-blog-url

[mittensmorgul]

Somebody needs to create a slideshow so that people can understand how we read into this stuff. A Comprehensive Study of Post Modern Literature, including -color archetypes -metaphor -theme -heroes journey -camera work (how scenes are framed)

that would be handy! But there are a lot of posts on the subjects you listed there already… and this is by no means a comprehensive list…

Posts I refer to on these subjects frequently, but bear in mind some of them are old, possibly out of date, incomplete:

Color Archetypes (or at least how SPN uses color):

http://mittensmorgul.tumblr.com/post/143795162745/the-supernatural-color-wheel

http://neven-ebrez.tumblr.com/post/68163476481/can-you-do-a-summary-of-the-color-symbolism-in

http://mittensmorgul.tumblr.com/post/138815520390/justanotheridijiton-extending-the-lengthly

http://mittensmorgul.tumblr.com/post/131240238640/a-purple-point-of-view-the-story-became-the-story

I don’t have any collection of posts specifically about metaphor and theme, but a huge chunk of what we write about every episode has to do with metaphor and themes.

Miraculously, my taglist page began working again. It’s by no means complete (the script that generates it only looks through the last 5000 posts), but it’s searchable, which can help find specific episode posts quickly. You might have better luck searching lizbob’s much better organized tags. :P Or just going ahead and reading her rewatch notes for every episode (currently complete through late s9).

The story over the last several seasons hasn’t been a Hero’s Journey, but a Heroine’s Journey. Not to say it’s about a woman, it’s the archetypal structure of the character’s progress, male or female.

I’ve pointed to this post by flyingfish1 over and over again as one of the most important things to keep in mind during the Carver era to understand the narrative: http://flyingfish1.tumblr.com/post/143026668768/beyond-duality-carver-era-as-a-search-for, and it lays out an excellent primer on the Heroine’s Journey (and refers to the Hero’s Journey). I also have a tag for that.

There’s also thevioletcaptain’s The Weight Of The World Is Love masterpost (posted with the warning that a lot of the linked posts there are long dead)

There are also other individual masterposts for various recurring themes, or at least collections of posts that speak to these themes (translation: I have a tag for that!):

more supernatural flower meta

supernatural beer signs

the abominable cheeseburger (food symbolism)

you learned it from the goats (cas vs coffee/food/humanity)

meta masterpost (I’m starting to collect every masterpost I find under this tag for easy reference, but it’s far from complete)

this is how stories work (general story structure/writing/narrative posts)

As for camera work and the technical aspects specific to film making, that’s not really my area of expertise, but here’s some things I’ve collected over the years.

visual storytelling

because the creators and people who make this show don’t exist in a vacuum separate from the entire history of human storytelling

spn behind the scenes 

this is a jerry wanek appreciation blog (mostly set design, obvs)

sigils and symbols (everything from devils traps to banishing sigils)

http://tvtropes.org/ (if you have a solid week to kill because opening this page is like jumping into a black hole of narrative storytelling. CLICK AT YOUR OWN RISK! :P)

I mean, this is really just the tip of the iceberg, but it’s probably a good jumping off point. There’s at LEAST a solid month’s worth of nonstop reading there.

If that’s still not enough, have a few of my random recent meta tags grouped by theme:

here have my belated thoughts on the whole love… and love (love themes in the Carver era)

this season’s getting handsy (handprint/hands of god meta from s11)

the scheherazade of supernatural (destiel, mostly in s11 and continuing into s12)

winchester family dynamics (mostly s12 themes surrounding family and belonging)

the infamous bed meta

*flings self into the sunshine* (obvs a new-ish tag, but I’m trying to collect a lot of the past sun metaphor/references here now too)

sam sympathizes and dean empathizes (analysis of sam and dean’s individuality)

dean winchester is bilingual (what it says on the tin, except “bilingual” means “bisexual”)

revenge of the subtext 

(which replaced my MUCH longer and rather unwieldy subtext tag: dabb is giving us the subtext equivalent of a linzer torte here there’s like 15 layers of delicious to enjoy)

(and the subtext isn’t a ‘made up’ layer of the text it’s actually a VALID LAYER OF THE TEXT)

(and here it’s all right there in the subtext)

*mittens attempts to become one with the universe amid the sea of duality* (duality themes in s11)

This is just skimming the surface of the available reading, but there’s plenty of rabbit holes for you to run down on this list. Links leading to links leading to documentation, leading to references, leading to other meta blogs, leading to more links. Just sorting through everything here can legit keep you occupied for a few months, though.

You’re gonna need it :P

[activebodi-blog]

How I got over 2.1 Million visitors to my website

It’s been 5 years.

5 Years, over 2 million visitors and a hell of a lot of fun (and traffic!).

No, I’m not talking about this website, but another one I own which talks about Martial Arts movies. It’s had it’s up and downs and experienced a lot of publicity in it’s time.

Over the years this website has range from 1000-2000 visits per day, mostly from SEO, and despite me putting far less effort into it these days it seems to keep following that trend.

It’s reached a fairly passive level of work and is a cool asset to have up my sleeve.

But how did I grow this website to 1000-2000 visits per day?

It was a lot of work, but more importantly a lot of learning.

There is a pretty basic formula I was able to discover through trial and error, playing around with content ideas, keeping active and always pushing forward.

So I thought I’d share with you here exactly what I did so you can grow your traffic and hopefully get even better results than I did. Some tips may apply to you and some may not.

So here we go!

Below I have a video discussing this, but also the written tips underneath.

Please Note: By playing any videos on this page, you hereby consent to the use of YouTube’s Cookies.

Subscribe to my YouTube Channel Here

Now, onto the written post!

I aimed for low competition

As I mentioned much earlier, this website is about Martial Arts movies.

When I first got interested in watching martial art movies I went online and did a search. Whilst there were plenty of movie reviews around, there were hardly websites specifically any dedicated Martial Arts films.

So I considered throwing my hat into the ring to start watching movies and writing reviews – but I wanted to make sure I could compete so I did some solid research and still it seemed to be a low competition topic.

Beyond that, I also searched for certain things to see if anyone had written about them, both in the beginning and whilst growing the website.

So I started the website about a topic in a space that had hardly any other websites and I also wrote posts that had little or low competition in Google Search Results.

These days more of these sites are up, but getting in early definitely helped secure my spot :)

I started a blog

It may seem obvious but yeah, I started a blog.

Blogging is an easy platform for really pumping out articles and reviews without having to find a home somewhere on your website for them, since they all end up in your blog feed.

But there’s more to it than that.

The blog has a theme and a mission. The first post I wrote introduced the website and a concept behind the whole blog. I found a list of the top Martial Arts Movies (250 movies) and my mission was to review them all.

So now people weren’t just reading movie reviews, they followed me on a personal challenge and then connected with me as I went.

People don’t just want an anonymous voice, they want a person to connect to and get information from. But that leads me to my next point.

The focus was on offering value

I know, I watched a tonne of TV – but I built my reviews based around informing people of the style of action they would find and if I would recommend the film.

The website was about suggesting good movies to watch.

So people had a resource of finding recommendations for martial arts movies as I slowly ranked all of these films on my own list they could refer back to. I offered a central and easy spot to see which movies I recommended, linking off to each review.

I further expanded on this by writing about the actors themselves and useful blog posts full of recommendations based on a theme. I offered valuable information for anyone who was looking to see some quality martial arts films.

I sought out people willing to promote me – and many did

Now getting onto the fun stuff!

Sure, I created a Facebook page and Twitter Profile and posted there, but being new I had no fans whatsoever. So I needed to leverage someone else’s audience. I looked up a number of people in the space, such as actors and fan pages,leaving comments and sending messages.

I didn’t straight up ask for a share, I instead focused on talking to them first and creating a connection. With one person in particular (an actor named Scott Adkins) sharing my page. More on that here.

This lead to about 500 page likes that day and kick starting the blog at about 200 visits per day. Which gave me a solid start instead of trying to reach a single person at a time and building that way.

I then listened to my audience and tailored a lot of the social media content to their liking, which gave my page a very high engagement rate and lead to a lot of traffic. But the real growth came from search engines afterward as Google’s algorithm recognized the social signals and gave me a good boost.

I hit a wall, analyzed and made adjustments

The initial boost took me so far, but things began to plateau.

As the initial novelty of my reviews started to wear off, a small group of people kept reading but a lot of people dropped off. I still had decent traffic but growth had stopped since I wasn’t getting the social signals.

This was a sign that the content I producing wasn’t something people really wanted that badly.

So I experimented with a bunch of different ideas and also checked my analytics to see what was performing best. I then moved my focus to a couple of areas, including top lists (more on that down the page).

I started a small YouTube channel

I noticed that videos I posted on social media, made by other people, were getting the most interaction and engagement – especially short music videos with a mixture of fight clips.

So I made my own!

These videos did relatively well with one of the videos getting millions of views (currently just under 5 million views).

The medium worked well since video was the same medium as the martial arts movies themselves. I linked off to the website and it still drives traffic to this day. The key for me here was to share and reshare videos and prompt other people to share also.

However, I did stop at one stage because the next tip really took me to the next level.

I limited writing reviews and focused on lists

I phased out the movie reviews almost entirely.

I accomplished my goal of reviewing the films on the list as my analytics clearly said one thing – film reviews get hardly any traffic while a few ‘Top List ‘ posts I wrote brought in most of the traffic.

So I wrote a series of list posts and took the traffic of the size well over 2000 visitors per day.

This works because people on search engines quite often want quick answers – like which “Donnie Yen movie to watch next?” and lists give people a number of quick and easy answers whilst being SEO friendly.

These same list posts went completely viral on social media despite, at this stage, having a bit of competition to work against (this was no longer low hanging fruit). I learned a few things about blog posts and SEO, leading to the next tip…

I made a point to write 3000 – 5000 word posts more frequently

I noticed my longer posts often performed better, but they were also top list posts.

So I investigated and found a number of articles talking about how blog posts with over 2000 words often performed the best. Backlinko touches on this here, although the word count has dropped a little in recent years.

So I aimed to make my blog posts comprehensive.

A good tip for this is to turn each item in a top list into a short 300 word article, or make each subheading a short 300 – 500 word article. So instead of writing a 3000 word article, you write 10 short 300 word articles.

I started an email list

“The money is in the list”

Creating an email list is one of the best things you can do for you existing traffic. Once people sign up you drastically increase their chances or returning (assuming you actually email them).

Email gives you the option to touch base with your audience far more effectively than using Social Media as it doesn’t come down to algorithms and likes as much.

People who have signed up to an email list that offers value will continue to read those emails, so you can strengthen your connection with them.

I created an autoresponder series

I created an automated funnel that sends out a series of emails over six months, starting frequently (every 2 or 3 days initially, and slowly dialing it back to once every 10 – 14 days, in order avoid being too aggressive and prompting people to unsubscribe.

Email can easily turn 1 visit into 10 or 20 repeat visits. That’s a powerful factor in increasing traffic.

This auto-responder series has a number of emails within it designed to sell affiliate products and means that for every visitor that signs up, they are likely to return a number of times over 6 months (the current length of the series of emails).

I send out occasional updates between this to keep things fresh, but it’s only about once per month at this stage.

While this still isn’t the highest source of traffic for me, it is definitely making me the most money as my audience is used to me, trusts me and follows through with purchases via my affiliate links.

I constantly promoted old posts

You may note that I mentioned the sharing of older content on my email list once people signed up.

This is a great way to get people onto those old posts but I also promoted old posts on Social Media using tool like Buffer and Revive Old Post.

You can also make a point of linking back to older posts within your new posts so that when people land, they continue to explore your website and consume your old content. This will decrease your bounce rate and improve the quality of your traffic.

This is something a lot of people don’t do but it has really helped me rank a lot of the articles on my site.

I have more information here about promoting old posts if you’re interested.

I worked on my website speed

A slow website sucks and people don’t hang around waiting just to read from it.

I took a lot of steps to drop the load time of my site right down so that less people would bounce and I’d get more traffic from search engines.

I wrote a post on this exact process right here called How I Managed to Speed up WordPress – from 20 to 2 Seconds Load Time.

Basically, I removed all of the useless BS from my design.

I redesigned, moved all content above the fold.

I started off with a really tall header/navigation and elements above each blog post.

After getting my hands on the Divi Theme, I simplified the blog layout and put more effort into the other pages. I brought the post content up as high as possible, and simplified it.

When I discovered over half of my users were using phones, I made the design dead simple and put effort into the logo to sharpen up the appearance without having too many crazy design elements distracting on the page.

This meant people could land and see what they wanted straight away. This helped to keep people on the website.

I decreased posting frequency, but continued to update old posts

Since the website has hundreds of decent posts already, there was no need to update so frequently.

As most people finding the site now are new visitors, it’s more efficient to funnel them through the email list and show them existing content as the value remains the same as I keep the posts relatively up to date.

I started with 3 or 4 posts per week and was pouring everything into this website. I now batch a number of posts with the aim of posting one per month since I covered so much ground with the site and have reached a point of diminishing returns when it comes trying to think up with new topics.

There’s always more that can be done, but not making this my whole life was important as it wasn’t intended to be a business that replaces my fulltime income (despite the fact I do make a nice little chunk of passive income from it).

To grow and move onto other things to make online business more manageable, I have been slowly converting this site into more of a niche site that is less hands on but updated enough to keep delivering value to my audience.

I built an asset, both for myself and martial arts movie fans and now I do my best to maintain that asset.

Now it ticks over seamlessly…

The only reason it worked was value and, for a while, consistency.

I found the most searched for topics and personalities in my niche and wrote resourceful articles about them, giving people an easy place to stop and learn more.

I do my best to keep up engagement, but overall it’s a very passive website now and I believe sometimes it’s best to move onto other things. Every so often there might be a little surge of interest and work to breathe a little more life into it, but otherwise keeping a consistent monthly update seems to be working for now.

You can do that same!

The above property wasn’t only a good project, but it was a fantastic learning curve that allowed me grow as an online blogger and content creator.

Experience speaks volumes so all I can say to you is give it a go!

If you already have a website, hopefully this has helped you to learn how to grow it. If you haven’t got a website yet, check out my free email course to get started.

Otherwise I’d love to hear any questions or thought you may have below! Thanks for reading and let’s keep the conversation going :)

The post How I got over 2.1 Million visitors to my website first appeared on Creator Impact.

source https://creatorimpact.com/2million-visitors-to-my-website/

[jacewilliams1]

I can’t believe I did that… and that… and that

It has been a long time since I took care of patients, but many lessons of my medical training and experience come back to me frequently in daily life. Physicians and surgeons make critical decisions and take actions with consideration of safety margins and tradeoffs. In a made-up example, would I recommend surgery that had a 70% success rate, but a 10% risk of death, when the underlying disease had a 30% chance of remission with medical treatment, and zero risk of death? Obviously, the calculation in such a case would be complicated, and the tradeoffs acceptable or not depending on the doctor’s confidence and experience, and the patient’s suffering, values, and understanding.

Similarly, every time we fire up the engine(s) and take flight, we enter a four-dimensional realm of risk-benefit tradeoffs and sometimes complex decision-making. My flight experience is pitiably limited compared to many of the best storytellers in this journal, and my days of risk far less dramatic than theirs. Nonetheless, I have done, or not done, things that put at risk the safety of my airplane and its fleshy contents. Lessons were learned, fortunately without bent aluminum or broken bones.

Checking the oil is good; but you must replace the dipstick.

The most dramatic incident I wrote up for Flying magazine’s “ILAFFT” column; Mac McClellan turned it down, saying that they got this story far too many times, and he wasn’t interested in beating that drum. The short of it is that I was distracted by early arrival of a passenger while adding a quart of oil, and closed the cowl without replacing the oil filler cap. That meant that a short while later, at 5000 ft on a thank-God CAVU day, I saw a trickle of oil on the cowl, and the oil pressure needle at the bottom of the green and headed down.

Fortunately, we were between two easily reachable airports, and I made perhaps the best landing of my life power off. The engine was saved, many paper towels were consumed wiping down the plane, and my confidence as a pilot was deeply shaken despite the attaboys of my pax. I seriously considered giving up flying, thinking if my judgment and thoroughness were that bad, how could I be trusted? What if that had been a night flight, or over rough terrain, or with no airport within reach? I had reduced the safety margin to razor thin. Lesson: if interrupted, restart the checklist.

During my student days, I took the old Musketeer to a paved duster strip for short-field work. I flared a bit high and thumped in, added power and lifted off. Almost immediately, a very loud banging noise started, and I panicked— had I damaged the airplane? Should I land straight ahead? Turn around and land on the short strip? Or try to make it back to my nearby home field? Heart pounding, I called Rochester Approach, declared an emergency, and received an “any runway” clearance to land. The banging was surely heard by the controller.

Once established homeward, I calmed down. The engine was smooth, all instruments in the green, controls normal. I decided the noise came from the right side — and saw the right seat lap belt sticking out under the door. From that, I learned a few lessons — the most important being to actually look at the exterior during a preflight inspection. I boarded from the left and paid no attention to the right door. The second was to forcefully control my emotions when something happened unexpectedly: first of all, fly the airplane. Panic could have led me to make an off-airport landing, lose control, or get hurt in a bad landing.

Don’t let ATC talk you into landing on a runway that doesn’t agree the wind.

On another low-time occasion, traveling cross-country, I landed at a Midwestern airport for fuel. The wind was very strong, I think around 25 knots with gusts. The tower offered me a runway with a near-direct crosswind, despite there being a runway more closely aligned with the wind. Dunce me, I accepted his offer and continued the approach, with the nose maybe 30 degrees to the left. The landing was a near disaster, bouncing, squealing tires, swerving all over the runway; from sheer luck, I suspect, I saved the plane but not my confidence. The possible consequences of my shaved safety margins are obvious. Also obvious is the need to think about all controller instructions to be sure compliance is the right course.

I could go on, but might balance these bad decisions with good ones — the day I was ready to pull out the airplane, and scrubbed the flight because of a headache. As a VFR cross-country pilot, making a 180 at the first sign of snowfall and reduced visibility. Having the engine checked for minor roughness, and finding a badly burned exhaust valve. Thankfully, as my hours increased — and I aged — the number of bad decisions dropped off.

Now, the highly experienced authors for Air Facts probably haven’t made it this far (“Borrring!”), so I’ll address the students and low-time PPLs. You will have to forgive yourseves for mistakes; if you haven’t made any, you will. But pay attention to the margins: ask yourself before every decision, what are the tradeoffs, what are the margins? There are thousands of sad stories about flight into IFR, get-home-itis, inattention to maintenance, and so on. In most cases, there were flawed decisions, failure to recognize thin margins of safety, and poor response to unexpected circumstances. Those problems are within the pilot’s power to avoid. Look, think, plan ahead, and fly the airplane!

Editor’s Note: This article is from our series called “I Can’t Believe I Did That,” where pilots ‘fess up about mistakes they’ve made but lived to tell about. If you have a story to tell, email us at: editor@airfactsjournal.com

The post I can’t believe I did that… and that… and that appeared first on Air Facts Journal.

from Engineering Blog https://airfactsjournal.com/2019/03/i-cant-believe-i-did-that-and-that-and-that/

[twelvebyseventyfive]

Tasting 2015 Barbarescos and 2014 Barolos with Gaia Gaja

The articulate Gaia Gaja was in town to showcase her 2015 single vineyard Barbaresco releases, as well as the 2014 Barolos.

Perhaps Gaja’s greatest achievement as a producer has been to raise the status of Barbaresco, which has emerged a little from the shadow of its big brother Barolo. Langhe has two prestigious sub-regions: within the 10 000 hectares of vines in the region, there are 700 hectares of Barbaresco (with c. 180 producers), and 2000 hectares of Barolo (with c. 350 producers). ‘All the most respected wineries have been from Barolo, not Barbaresco, which was seen as a lesser version of Nebbiolo,’ says Gaia. ‘It took us three generations to show that Barbaresco has a beautiful potential. It is potentially more elegant, and it can still age.’

In a nice, rather un-Italian way, with the success of these two prestigious subregions, their borders haven’t grown. But the number of producers has increased, as more and more growers have begun bottling their own wines. Gaja were early adopters of this transition. ‘My family has always been growing grapes,’ says Gaia, ‘but 150 years ago they started becoming bottlers (in 1859). Every time they made some money they bought more land.’

They make wine only from their own vineyards. Gaia loves Nebbiolo, but acknowledges that it does have a difficult side. ‘Drinking Nebbiolo is like being hit in the face by a ballerina,’ she says, repeating one of her favourite quotes about the variety.

Gaia has now been working with her father for 15 years; he’s now 78 years old. She describes him as an instinctive optimist. ‘For him, improvement comes with change,’ she says. ‘It is a great opportunity to go forward.’ From May 2018 her brother has just started working in the winery, so there are five family members working together. They don’t have specific responsibilities, but share them all.

One of the slight clouds on the horizon is the way that land values have been pushed up so much, with vineyards in Barolo now hitting €4m/ha and those in Barbaresco €1.5 m/ha. ‘Investment has changed the climate,’ says Gaia.

In the vineyard, the goal is to have balanced, low vigour vines. How do they do this? ‘One way is old vines that are wise and disciplined,’ she says. ‘So we try to keep the vines alive as long as possible.’ Biodiversity in the vineyard is also a focus, with the goal of looking after the life in the soil. ‘Wine regions have become monoculture, and we are trying to cultivate biodiversity. Climate change isn’t helping because of dry conditions.’

Gaja have done lots of experimentation. They have planted 250 cypresses, which are now 10 years old. ‘The idea is to plant trees that are more compact: they can become a shelter for many birds,’ says Gaia, pointing out that even though they can be naughty and eat grapes, they are another element of biodiversity. ‘In 1999 we started composting, feeding the soil and not only the vines.’ The compost is based on cow manure. ‘It creates a ‘

bomb of life’, says Gaia. They have also been encouraging bees. ‘They pollinate plants; they colonize the place and keep other things out; and we are trying to understand the connection between the yeasts on the bees and the fermentation: they have Saccharomyces cerevisiae in their guts.’

And they have tried lots of different ways to manage the plants growing around the vines in the vineyard: it’s wrong to call them weeds. They are trying to avoid ploughing of the soils, because there’s good evidence that this reduces microbial diversity by disturbing the communities. ‘The idea is to end up with so many grasses [plants] their roots plough the soil,’ says Gaia.

In the past the main issue was too much water in the clay-rich soils, and so plants were grown and then cut to remove water from the soil. That’s not a problem now: seven vintages in 10 are warm and dry. Normally 800 mm rain a year: in this year so far they have had 1200 mm, so they cut the plants to remove the water. They use different cover crops depending on the need of the vineyard. Cereals remove vigour while legumes increase it. Mustard repels nematodes.

2014

‘I love the structure and freshness of the 2014,’ says Gaia. ‘People have been less confident in promoting it. It was a challenging year, beginning with a warm spring and early flowering. Without this the grapes wouldn’t have ripened. From June the temperature dropped and three cold months followed. The average temperature in August 2014 was 19 C, not 27. There were 22 rain showers in July. Everyone had to work more in the vineyard and we had to drop fruit. In Piedmont, starting from September there was no more rain, and the grapes ripened in cool weather in the fall. All the sites we had attained phenolic ripeness, which is rare. The berries were bigger than usual, and so there’s a lightness of mouthfeel, but the spine is straight. What I love is the perfume.’

2015

‘The 2015 is riper, with more approachability, and also structure. In Piedmont, 2015 was quite normal, with one abnormal month – July. It was extremely hot in July. Then in August things cooled down. The month of July characterizes these wines, concentrating the grapes (the berries stayed small), there was a very fruity character in the wines, but don’t expect what you’d normally expect from a warm year. It has a body that is mid-weight. The bad side is that the crop was small; the good side is that we had pure, precise and ripe fruit expression. It’s not a hot vintage because the vineyards all express quite differently: in a typically hot year the wines converge more.

Winemaking

These days, everything is destemmed, with fermentation in stainless steel tanks. ‘We have recently bought some 6000 litre wooden fermenters,’ says Gaia, so these will be used for top wines this year. Full berries are used, punched down at the beginning then with pump overs. Some of the berries are still intact at the end of primary fermentation, so they push down the cap for 10-14 days. Wine is then moved to 225, 500 and some 700 litre barrels with a good amount of lees. ‘The lees can help to give a juiciness,’ she says. ‘They are antioxidant too. The tannins eat oxygen and reduce the wine quickly so we rack often. Then after a year the wine goes to big casks (2000-5000 litres). In the first year the proportion of new oak ranges from 15-40%

Gaja Barbaresco 2015 This is quite pretty, but there’s also a nice savouriness. As well as the sweet red cherry fruit, there are some herbs and thyme, with some orange peel and a bit of grip. It’s quite citrussy with good tannin, but it’s well behaved tannin. Pure and expressive, and quite elegant, in a ripe, sweetly fruited style. Delicious already, but will mature into a lovely harmony. This is really fine. 94/100

Gaja Costa Russi Barbaresco 2015 Fine and expressive with iodine, blood, raspberry, fine herbs and cherries on the nose. There’s lovely concentration on the palate. There’s pure, sweet red cherry and plum fruit, with nice silky texture and smoothness in the mouth, but also fine-grained and firm tannins that integrate beautifully. Fine, balanced, complex and ethereal, and surprisingly approachable now. Profound. 96/100

Gaja Sori San Lorenzo Barbaresco 2015 Closer to the river, so the winter is milder and the flowering is earlier. There are leafy, sappy notes here, with sweet raspberry and cherry fruit. There’s a strong savoury character here, with herbs, sweet cherries, some raspberry and real freshness. The distinctive feature here is the herbal character, and it’s elegant, fine and pure. The structure is present but well integrated. Very fine. 95/100

Gaja Sori Tildin Barbaresco 2015 A vineyard at the top of the hill with lighter soils, more sand, and limestone. This has very high density planting (6000 vines/hectare). It makes darker-fruited wines with more garrigue, and meaty and spicy characters. This shows real density with grippy, tannic structure evident under the red and black cherry fruit. There’s a freshness and grip to this wine which has notes of rose and tar, and some detailed herbal hints. Backward and structured, with lots of potential. 95/100

Gaja Sperss Barolo 2014 This is a bold, grippy wine with firm structure. There’s nice fresh but dense fruit with herbs, earth and iodine. It’s really dense and expressive at the same time, showing a lot of grip. Pure and fine with a linear trajectory on the palate: quite primary and classic, but with good fruit. Should age really well. Backward but beautiful. 96/100

Gaja Contesia Barolo 2014 Very fresh and pretty with fresh red fruits. Medium weight with lovely red fruit purity with fine-grained tannins. Foral and expressive with nice weight and focus. Notes of tea and sappy green leaves. Has a really pretty, fresh character. Nice grainy, grippy finish, but not at all austere. 94/100

UK agent is Armit

 Find these wines with wine-searcher.com

from Jamie Goode's wine blog http://www.wineanorak.com:/wineblog/italy/tasting-2015-barbarescos-and-2014-barolos-with-gaia-gaja For Fine Wine Investment opportunities check out Twelve by Seventy Five: http://www.twelve-by-seventy-five.com/

[weannoyingbouquetgalaxy-blog1]

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car: renault megane dynamiquie, 1.9 dci, mileage 106,000, black, 5dr, before stolen: smooth drive, nothing wrong with it.. after stolen recovered: insurance says it will cost 2300 to repair it hence offered me 'total loss' and got me a 'salvage offer' of 4k. Insurance is saying I only got two opetions accept offer or have it repaired. I think offer is low and dont want to get it repaired in case something else goes wrong with afterwards.. I always thought you can reject first offer so how come in this case I am not getting the option to reject offer??? Insurance are saying they are getting on 4k from salvages for the car hence wont give me more then that.. but shouldnt my insrance top up with some more or am I being silly? please advise.....""

What can a car finance company do if you no longer have insurance?

I bought a 2004 vehicle (from CarMax) about 3 months ago. The finance company (Capital One Auto Finance) would only approve me if I started an insurance policy before I left the dealership. I did, but have since let that policy go, for different reasons. The finance company is now sending me letters to give them updated insurance info, or they may take appropriate action to protect its interest . What exactly does that mean??? All my payments have been on time, actually 2 weeks or more early. So, what can they do if I continue not to have insurance, since my payments on the vehicle are all in order? Since guessing or assuming won't help me, sources for your answers would be helpful. Thanks.""

Insurance componies that cover transgender?

Does anyone know of any insurances that cover transgender medical needs (specifically ones to do with being transgender)

Who has the cheapest car insurance in maryland?

Who has the cheapest car insurance in maryland?

""If I got a speeding ticket in my parents car, their insurance rates with state farm will increase?""

I got a speeding ticket, driving my dad's car, their insurance rates will be affected in any way?""

Looking for add on health insurance my company maxes out at $25000.00?

do insurance companies sell that type of insurance

best insurance quote for auto

best insurance quote for auto

How much should I expect to pay for car insurance?

I'm a 17 year old female that will drive a Vauxhall Corsa but it's kind of old like this one: http://www.ajb-enterprise.co.uk/wp-content/uploads/2007/09/vauxhall-corsa-club-2001.jpg Does the amount of lessons/make of car/pass score change the price of insurance? All the insurance sites want me to enter my details, which I don't want to do. Is there a big difference between cost when I'm 17 compared with 18? Sorry for all the questions but thanks (:""

How much would insurance be on a 2001 convertible mustang for a 16 year old?

hey everyone I was wondering what price range i would be looking at for a 2001 convertible mustang. not looking for a exact answer just a ballpark range. I have a 3.00+ gpa male 16 year old no ABS on car convertible thanks all.

Is car insurance sexist against males?

As an 18 year old man, I think that it is unfair that car insurance is higher for me than for some girl. Don't get me wrong, I love being a guy and wouldnt change it for the world, but even though I am a careful driver, I still have to pay more insurance simply because of the way I was born. I didnt even get a chance to screw up. If insurance was higher for blacks then they would be having a cow. What do you think?""

Car insurance coverage?

So, my car was stolen from my driveway and was found crashed into two houses in a few towns over. My insurance policy doesn't cover theft/vandalism but it covers collision. Since my car was recovered from the theft but ultimately ended up in a collision, shouldn't I be covered? Professional opinions only, please.""

Why exactly life insurance?

I just don't think I need life insurance. I mean there are other priorities and other things I can spend my money on, why exactly life insurance?""

Car Insurance for a 16 year old in California?

I am gonna get either a Used 03-04 Nissan 350z and would like to get a rough estimate of how much insurance is gonna cost. Thanks in advance. Also what would happen to my insurance if the car is on a salvage title?

Which is cheaper car insurance in newjersey?

Which is cheaper car insurance in newjersey?

Car insurance: Progressive vs. State Farm?

I'm currently with Progressive and have been very pleased with their service: I was in an accident in August and the entire process was very smooth and took little effort on my part. I worked with one local agent, dropped my car off at the Progressive repair center where they had my rental waiting for me, and returned the rental there when I came to pick my car up. Plus I never have to wait long to talk to someone when I call. However, I'm newly married and have found we would save a considerable amount by moving my two cars to my husbands policy with State Farm as opposed to moving his car to my policy with Progressive. Please let me know what type of experiences you've had with State Farm and if you would consider their service as excellent as I have with Progressive. Even if State Farm is cheaper, it won't be worth the savings if their service is crummy. Thanks!""

How much would car insurance cost for two 16 year old boys?

My son and my stepson just got their license. My son wants my car; 2006 Porsche Cayenne which means I have to get a new car & My stepson wants a 1989 Nissan 300ZX. Me and my husband are on Nationwide currently. How much would insurance cost a month for 2 sports cars with teen drivers?

Car Insurance Question No 2?

Prior to my last question regarding car insurance, I wonder if someone could answer me this please. If a person gets rid of their car but wants to keep driving, say a friend/s car or hire car etc, can they still take out car insurance without owning a car and if so what do you ask for when contacting an insurance company. Thanks""

Which car insurance company allows you to make the cheapest one year payment?

I have esurance but they force you to make 2 payments a year,and the second payment AWAYS shows up at the worst time lol""

Which is the best website to find cheaper car insurance?

I havent found a quote on-line before, and am not keen on supplying all me personal informtion. Is this standard procedure when requestin a quote? Please recommend the best website to find the best deal. Thanks!""

Do i need insurance to learn a driver to drive?

My friend has got insurance on his car on his provisional do I need insurance to teach him drive it I'm a full licence holder for 4 yaer

Need advice on car insurance excess cost?

I had a bad accident yesterday morning and I payed to bring my car home but I didn't inform my insurance company yet because I haven't got the excess fee at the moment. The car seems to be a write off according to the police and the locals who helped me while I was in shock but will there be a problem if I waited a few days until I have the excess cost ready then I'll tell the insurance company what happened? It wasnt my fault and also the traffic lights were out of order at that junction as this person came at high speed hitting my car at the left corner sending me flying towards the road to the right and onto the pavement. I've gathered pictures of everything for evidence. But the problem is at the moment I cant afford the excess fee, If i let the insurance company know will they ask me to pay right away?""

Looking for cheap full coverage?

Is there any cheap insurance in Michigan

How can I get some insurance?

I received a brand new bike a week ago but I dare not give it a try because I have not got it covered by insurance yet. I have tried multiple insurance companies online but every one I tried there would be a snag. Mainly it would be, 'what kind of driving licence do you hold'? I personally hold a clean driving licence for a car, but in the drop down list of different driving licences 'car' was not among them, so I could not go to the next section to continue trying to insure my bike. I live out of the city so applying for insurance and paying for it online would be the easiest option.""

Car insurance for dummies?

i am trying to be an adult here. i graduate college in 8 days and am getting quotes for my own car insurance. I got one today from progressive for $83/mo, full coverage. It is 25,50,25 and $500 deductable. How do I know what is good? i need someone to tell me what coverage I should have-is 25/50/25 good? break it down. Thanks!""

""Can I get my drivers license, not drive, then later on get insurance?""

I was just wondering if I'd be able to get a drivers license much before i get actual car insurance. Since i'm a high schooler, and my grades aren't too good, my parents don't want to buy insurance for me yet, however, It would work out great for me if I could get my license first, just so the 6 months until i can ride with buddies will end sooner. Please comment with whatever you know about this subject, much appreciated!""

Does getting a motorcycle license increase life insurance costs?

I plan on finally (waiting for years) obtaining a motorcycle license this coming summer. I have little experience on the bike but plan to take the msf basic riding course and will be fully geared / have motorcycle license. My question is: will having a motorcycle license increase the monthly costs of life insurance? I have yet to get a policy, and I was wondering whether getting life insurance before my license would make a difference or not. Thank you""

How much does affordable health insurance cost?

How much does affordable health insurance cost?

""Young married couple, low cost health insurance with Rx?""

I'm going to get married soon (not RLY soon but i have to start thinking about some things in advance) and I have to get health insurance. I'm really confused by it but I've been doing some reading about it and some figures about the kind of finances we are going to have and all I really know at this point is that we can't afford more than 200 dollars per month and that has to include prescriptions and everything. My soon to be husband is really healthy, only real issue is near-sightedness. I'm a little more sickly, I have asthma and allergies and the same eye problems. I keep them all pretty much under control but I need my meds. What plan would be best for us so that we can keep costs low and still get me my Rx?""

Young rider needs insurance help (motorcycle)?

Hello I am completing my motorcycle course this week and will be obtaining my m2 license, I was considering buying a motorcycle. I am a 18 year old male and was wondering if anyone could give me advice or some help for insurance in ontario?. I am aware it will be costly but was wondering if someone had any motorcycle suggestions that would be cheap on insurance or even insurance companies. Recent personal experiences would be nice. Thanks for the help!""

Does AMERICA'S BEST eyeglasses accept INSURANCE?

i need to get glasses but im not sure if they acept insurance

Can I get free health insurance?

I just paroled out of prison. I don't have a job yet. Is there any free health insurance available to me? I moved in with my brother, who has a good job and his own insurance. will his household income affect my options of getting low income insurance? Thanks""

What is a collector car insurance?

please tell me everything you know about collector car insurance. i really need to know. thanks.

best insurance quote for auto

best insurance quote for auto

Backtack on medical insurance for newborn?

Is it Normal for my job to backtrak and charge me premiums for my newborn if I didn't enroll her until about a month after she was born? She was on my wifes insurance up until I enrolled her but they took a lot out of one check. Spoke with the head of finance dept and tells me they still backtrack from when she's born even though she was on my wifes insurance

How does car insurance determine how much my insurance will go up?

I was recently involved in a car accident, its my fault, my first time in 15years of driving. They will probably total the other car involved since the car only cost $900 kbb. The damage on my SUV in the lower right bumper, i have little misaligned on my hood and scratch on my headlight, I was thinking of just getting my bumper fixed so it wont cost my insurance company too much. I guess my main question is, does it matter how much my insurance pays for all the damages, is this how they determine how much my insurance premium will go up? will it be the same if i just get everything fixed? thanks""

Can somebody explain what term insurance means?

if you get term insurance for 10 years, can you get your money after 10 yearrs even if you didn't diie?""

Cheapest auto insurance?

Cheapest auto insurance?

Car Insurance Question... PLEASE HELP!?

My sister bumped another car when she was backing out, when the car saw her backing out but still went ahead and there was no damage. My sister, in a moment of insanity, gave the woman, who is an attorney, her insurance number and some other information. All she took from the woman was her name and email. Now we have a claim coming in. We have no idea what to do. She is still in college, and is under my parent's insurance. There was obviously nothing wrong with the car. My parents are beside themselves with worry, because the claim could mean anything from $50-$20,000. Words cannot explain my anger towards my sister's naivety in the human race. What can we do? We will know more about the claim tomorrow.""

CA New Driver Insurance Question?

Hello, I'm 18 and I've had my license for a few months now and I wanna buy a car now(1996 Honda civic ex) and I've gotten quotes and there about $250+ per month and I was wondering if i put my dad as a Co-owner will the insurance way cheaper? P.s. I just want the cheapest insurance no coverage ect.""

Insurance for mercedes glk350?

I was wondering how much it would cost to insure a 2011 mercedes glk 350. I am looking to buy a new car

Isn't it patriotic to want all Americans to have access to affordable healthcare?

Isn't it patriotic to want all Americans to have access to affordable healthcare?

Cheapest auto insurance?

Cheapest auto insurance?

Best car insurance company to use?

I am 22 and just traded my 2003 VW beetle for a 2010 honda civic LX (which is being financed). I use 21st Century and they're going to raise my rate by a couple hundred dollars per year. I pay every 6 months. I feel like this is too much. Even though I'm not yet 25, it seems a little excessive. Are there any suggested insurance companies with a more competitive rate? BTW I'm in California if that makes a difference...""

How much Car insurance cost?

How much Car insurance cost?

Can anyone recommend a good life insurance company?

I know all circumstances are different but I would like some recommendations as there are so many to chose from and I am sick of repeating my details, so if I could whittle it down a bit it may help!""

Will this progressive insurance claim raise my rates?

So I was driving along the turnpike here in Oklahoma the other day when I noticed a vibration I was pushing 70mph at the most in my 1998 ford ranger when i noticed this. my truck was valued by the claims adjuster at $5800 As the vibration continued I pulled over and slowed down right then I noticed and felt my tire tread from the rear drivers side fly out and do some damage to the bed the tire still had air in it but when i got out to look my tread had flown completely off along with some other truck pieces. The adjuster said more then likely the belt slipped or snapped or something along those lines the damage total was $2,695.00 less my $500.0 deductible the insurance will pay the remaining balance. it would have totaled out had the repair cost more the 50% of the value of the truck. Now my question will be tricky to answer because everyone has a different driving record I haven't filed a claim sense 2004 I hit a car ! guilty I have had speeding tickets but not sense 2007 I had one guy try and file a claim against me in 2008 he said i backed into him but he didn't carry insurance and had no proof and the claim was never paid out so I'm pretty sure my rates will go up come time for renewal I'm just trying to see by how much? can i call progressive would they tell me? do they even know???? I know that a lot of this depends on your claims trend. this is really the only claim I've filed in yrs and the 2nd one in 4 yrs with this company. that first claim never payed out either.. I'm a 26 yr old male if that helps any..... thanks everyone who contributes""

Need a car with VERY cheap insurance. 17 year old male.?

Im just about to pass my driving test and i'm looking to buy a car, something very small like a 1.1L. I've had a few insurance quotes and then results are coming up as 7000?! Even for a ford fiesta or a peugot 306. I put the annual mileage down to 3000 and put my dad as a named driver but it is still very high. What cars could be lower thn this, and any good insurance company that offer low quotes for younger drivers.""

""Average monthly cost of renter's insurance for an apartment in Galveston, TX?

I need to see if I can work it onto my budget

Teen car insurance (I NEED HELP KNOW!!!)?

I'm 16 year old and i want to get an car insurance for on my own policy separate from my parent how much would it cost if my car was a 2005 Ford Mustand Gt and i was leasing it out.

Which Car Insurance is Known to have the Cheapest Quotes/Rates?

Looking for a car insurance company that's a little easy on a 20 yr. old's pocket.

Car scratch - insurance rates?

How much would by insurance rate go up by if I caused a 750 dollar car scratch to another vehicle? My insurance rate monthly is at 62 dollars. I just want to know if that could double or be extremely drastic because i don't know if it would be better to just pay out of my own pocket. thx

What would be the cheapest car to insure for a 23 year old malel uk?

Every car i seem to look at has really high insurance costs, it ricockulous! seems ill never be able to afford to insure a car. Si i have 2kids a girlfriend and a job, im 23, and really need to get on the road. so does anyone have any suggestions as to a few cars i should check out insurance costs on that they think would be the cheapest options>? anuy ideas would be fab, thanks.""

I need a cheap insuance plan?

I am 18 and am needing a liability insurance plan. I live in Houston TX, the cheapest I have found is with Geico for 3 somthing a month, and I think that is INSANE!!!""

What do you buy first- the car or the insurance? In Oregon.?

Last year, I sold my car. Since I did not have a car, I stopped my insurance. Now, I am ready to buy a car again, via a dealership. Do I have to already have the insurance, or do I wait until I purchase the car to buy the insurance?""

Why is insurance on an s2000 so expensive?

I have been looking for used cars in the 10-15 grand range as my second car, currently drive a miata, and I am stuck on a few cars: -01-02 s2000 -01 m5 -01-03 s4 I just recently turned 18, and took my driving test, and passed. I'm a male, about to graduate highschool with above a 3.0 and am already enrolled for a Junior College starting in Fall. I haven't received a violation yet, and I don't think I will any time soon. I was just wondering why insurance on an s2000 is MORE expensive than an m5 or s4. I was really sold on the s2000 because its 4 cylinders naturally aspirated (cheap on gas), a convertible, and relatively pretty. All of this was great news, until I saw how much insurance would be for this car. Lets look at the facts for these cars s2000: 2 door convertible 237hp/153lbft RWD 2 Liter N/A 4 cylinder top speed: 155 0-60: 5.5 - 6 seconds m5: 4 door Hardtop 394hp - I don't know the torque RWD 4.9 liter Naturally Aspirated v8 top speed: ~180 mph / 155 mph with limiter 0-60: 4.7-5 seconds s4: 4 door Hardtop 261HP/I do not know the torque AWD 2.7 Liter Twin Turbo v6 top speed: do not know/ limited to 155mph 0-60: 5.5 seconds I know that the small size of the car may make the s2000 unsafe, but the m5 is much more of a car than the s2000, and in my opinion much, MUCH more unsafe than the s2000. The s2000 is a sports car, but what is the m5 then, a 4 door family car? It is much more than that. High performance sports car in my opinion would be much more apropriate. If you are knowledgeable in the area of car insurance, i.e. you are a insurance agent or work for an insurance company, could you please let me know why an 18 year old has a easier time insuring an m5 or s4 than an s2000 under the exact same plan? Thanks for reading, and if you answer, thank you for answering. Have a nice day!""

""If you have Amica car insurance, how much does 1 speeding ticket cost you?""

I live in Massachusetts. Have a perfect driving record but now I'm charged with 1 speeding ticket. How much more in insurance premiums will it cost me if I plead guilty? It's a regular speeding ticket, not DUI or wreckless driving. THanks""

Auto insurance renewal?

Hello all, My current auto insurance is ending next month and the renewal form just came in. Coincidently, I was offered a better deal from another auto insurance that was less than half of what I currently am paying. I called and check and it was the same coverage. My question is that do I need to let them know that I will not renew my current auto insurance with them? This is my first time planning on switching and I would like to know if there is any penalties or anything in general I should worry about.""

How much health insurance coverage do I get as a military spouse?

I am a newly married Air Force wife. I am currently enrolled for TriCare North Standard coverage for health insurance. Does anybody out there have TriCare North Standard coverage and ...show more

best insurance quote for auto

best insurance quote for auto

https://www.linkedin.com/pulse/best-affordable-dental-insurance-california-avery-albertson/"

[marcde-ath]

We need to talk tactics...

Who do I listen to? The pollsters, the bookies, the newspapers, the doorsteppers, my lefty leaning socialist bubble or even the candidate!?

Last week, the local message was that the tide had finally turned in Colchester. Two polls (You Gov and Lord Ashcroft) officially put Tim Young and Labour ahead of Bob Russell and the Liberal Democrats, in the race to defeat Will Quince and become the local MP.

According to the Gazette, if you want rid of austerity and you can’t find it in yourself to forgive the Lib Dems, there is now no need for a tactical vote!? 

This was music to my non-tactical Labour loving ears – great news #TIMCANWIN and Corbyn was surging too – hoozah!

I have already declared myself as a non-tactical, with-my-heart Labour voter. The Manifesto was just too good not to get behind, and I am now in Harwich and North Essex – where Rosalind’s story is somewhat different to Tim’s in Colchester.

However, as we edged closer to the weekend, it became increasingly apparent that amongst my Colchester friends, there was a distinct lack of trust in both the above Tory-owned Polls.

eg. "Hi Marc, do you know if that poll that says labour are second locally is accurate? I vote labour anyway but people are saying that poll isn't accurate (the Lord ascroft one or whatever it is) and that people need to vote lib dem to get the tories out. Confusing!"

Checking the bookmakers... they still have Tim at 50-1 compared with Bob’s average of 8-1. F&?#! Quincey boy is 1/9 with Sky Bet.

...checking again on the Progressive Alliance and Tactical 2017 websites, they both have Colchester down as a ‘must win seat’... and say the best tactical maneuver is to ‘vote and campaign for the Liberal Democrats.’

But it feels like their data might be obsolete and out-of-date?

Then my friend Annemarie shares this blog post by Nate Silver asking ‘Are The U.K. Polls Skewed?’

Argggghhh... I can see why people are confused!

I turned to my local Labour Party Membership Facebook Forum for help, in a hope to garner something more concrete, official and shareable than my lowly uneducated hunch.

I believe strongly this is something the local party should be posting about on their official blog.

My query pointed me to an increase in paid up local membership, up to 1143 – bigger than some actual Labour seats!

From the doorsteps Isobel Sanderson said...

In terms of feedback I'm getting from people pretty much everyone under 35 who I've spoken to has expressed their support of Labour, most middle class women with kids say yes to labour, older middle class women like Labour, and I've spoken to more c2DE Labour voters than ever before who will vote Labour.

Nothing official on the blog yet from Tim, but he did post the following on social media.

One final message re tactical voting. I understand there is something in The Guardian suggesting that the LibDems are the challengers in Colchester.

Those of us who have been on the streets talking to people know this isn't true. It is purely based on old, outdated info and the result of the last election.

That was when they lost 20% of vote share and lost the seat by over 5000 votes. Colchester has continued to change since then. More new housing and a huge increase in newly registered voters.

Labour has taken seats off the LibDems at Borough & County Council level. Two polls that put Labour in 2nd place and canvass returns that demonstrate a surge in Labour support and a slump in LibDem support is all the up to date proof that you need. We have overtaken the LibDems and are closing in on the Tories. The local Greens are encouraging their supporters to vote Labour. We are all Labour so we vote Labour. Don't forget what happened in 2010 - no wonder the LibDem vote is in meltdown.

Thanks for your support. Tim

Back to the fact gathering... just 48 hours to go.... I am going to continue adding things as I find... and you can too. 

Please share any ammunition you have, backing the fact that Labour are infact ahead of the Lib Dems in Colchester and there is now no need for a tactical vote!? Post as a comment, facebook DM or drop me an email. 

NOTE: I am not after emotive hunches, media hype or Tory hate, just polls, independent research and expert opinion (if there is such a thing) + any personal door step accounts.

Help me convince those voters within my social lefty leaning bubble that a Lib Dem Tactical Vote is dead. 

At the point of writing this, I can see plenty of votes still to be won.

AND EVERY VOTE WILL COUNT.

[chinad]

2017 here now spectacle.

Jan 27, 2017

last night woke up earlier then dwelling in dreams. first dreamt in zoo with dearest son, woz. 2 cheap girls recklessly open cage of tiger and let it at large. we rushed to evade and scattered. when I returned near zoo and found tiger caught woz and indecisively tore his clothes. in terror I scream for zoo manager's help. when he in sight and running closer, I approached the tiger and woke up. I timely noted it on my mobile. then dreamt an OCR software's advertisement on media. I was more or less familiar with pirate warez once, so I'm sure I will get a copy of the tool. I felt glad with it I can turn some Chinese textbook and its tests digitally for woz's exercise. then all dreams about flying, with a delegation of school teachers likely in vacation tour. I can fly without any voyage, and use it to challenge barrage around me. this is a pale morning and eve of lunar new year. my returning train ticket still pending while brokerage already handed over. woz gained about ￥2100 pocket money from his hometown relatives. I didn't send out any gift money, including my newly married nephew. but I told him my startup and hard economy and promised will help him in future when my situation better. yesterday is the turning day of our vacation here, half elapsed. we made nice demonstration to country guys about steam online games to larger LED, chromecast mirror screen, English online videos. our poor dell notebook almost broke down after heavily load of video gaming, in frequent freeze now. I sincerely best wishes to my relatives here, hoping someday I can improve their lives. they already saw satisfactions in the decade when most nephews built their families. God dad, bring me sooner my Royal China to my larger family, for my future offspring. bring me Asoh Yukiko for glory of regal affair. grant us financial freedom to support my online startup.

Jan 25, 2017

first dreamt inspecting a girl secretary of Communist Youth league. she later in charge of a business owned by CCYL, then the business turns in property of girl her own. then dreamt being an India school boy. he studied diligently and guessed or cheated to know exam's topic so scores highest. the topic likely about self-restrain, in Chinese in dream exactly "纲功伐满". his mom and sister celebrate his performance. his school dean who usually stern but now also welcomes him warmly. the boy gladly goes shopping with award, a check. this morning I woke up by the dream and made memo on my mobile. then I fell asleep again till my son got up. my elder sister asked us stay for celebrating lunar new year especially. my nephew came from my hometown village to invite our visit but I defied it for I felt vengeful against my brothers, esp my kid brother who made us harder when he had to aid me meanly. so I decisively evade him and his family, including the village, Zhudajiu where my 2 elder brothers didn't extend helping hand during my credit debt crisis last year. among the relatives and rich meal I abrupt left to my younger elder sister's house to blog. here my 2 nephews also hurry to downtown market. my dearest son, woz, aside me with his pc games. lunar new year holiday can be boring, for lunar harvest season doesn't exist nowadays. I just too far from any celebration in my family affair, nor regal affair. with additional ￥300 in this salary from QRRS, I equipped my family amazon prime another year, but nowhere to find fund to renew another 12 zhone domains esp. under woz's title. God, dad, pl allow me finishing last todo annually in this month. let 2017 anxious free and firm business as seeds soiled. bring me sooner my Royal China to house my beloved, my children. bring Asoh Yukiko when we still breed. grant us financial independence and ability to see through adversity. thx dad.

Jan 21, 2017

dreamt siblings competition in economy. mafia tried to control state owned properties and bidding for merger. I was threatened not to bid but managed to, among my relatives influence. the flight toward hometown esp. smooth, all my unease evaporated after a night and a day's on way. its my first time brought a luggage and I had to ask stewardess where to fetch it back. my son grows more confident in the journey with flight. our neighbor seat was likely a graduate girl, we made nice chats. we only had ￥500 budget for on road cost, and it did cover, including taxi to my sister's house in a town, our destiny. these days a nephew's wedding in preparing, for the bride's house too far, in neighbor province, so she will move to hotel in the county's capital in advance. tomorrow will be the wedding ceremony holds locally. our returning voyage still pending, for the train ticket too scarce to buy. we paid Ctrip.com to hunt for us, and it monitored more than 500000 times and still going. the town's business mostly cement, whose pollution quite severe. but today is second sunny day since our settlement and sunniest one so far. the 2 sons of my sister each has a car. their house newly furnished. I even already looking forward to return while my son still find funs here. all equipment we brought with us works well here, allowing woz to demonstrate online games with gamepads, mobile games chromecast to large LCD. hope he find friends here. God dad, we still have 12 domains to renew, pl grant us space to execute it. bring me sooner my Royal China to host our friends and relatives in glories. bring my Crowned Queen from Japan, Asoh Yukiko, for my family and children. thx, dad.

Jan 12, 2017

dreamt of my once campus alumnus, in surname Shi. he was one of 2 schoolmates helped me when I first settled in Qiqihar thousand miles from my hometown after graduation. in dream his house near mountain and open. at first I thought its scenery. then I anxious about safety. Shi first denied problem then gradually admitted it. his only elder sister then joined conversation, reviewed gunned robberies, as well as wild mountain predators, together their brutality hurt their family and young memories in feeble. then I review our old house also just under and inward 2 mountains' junction and kept so well by my grand dad, warm, vivid and self-relies. in reality when I first settled in Qiqihar and visited Shi's house, his house is a small slum among shabby northern China normal residential area. toilet was near mile away and backyard least spacey. but after nearly 2 decades, many slums turned into skyscrapers here and I don't know where is Shi and his old family now. these weeks preparing hometown tour 3rd with woz, dearest son. I previously severe concerned if my credit debt deprives me of airline, but narrowly I got our flight ticket in a mid Monday night. my kid brother tried his best to sell poverty, claiming my sister can't afford our flights but under my emphasis promised ￥5000 from my sister arrived in 2 times remission my failing kid brother loathed to complete. we got a flight toward hometown while return voyage is train whose ticket paid but still in hunting by ctrip.com, a Chinese mainstream travel agency, due to PRC cheap policy said to protect the poor while in fact lots of brokers profit from the scarce of train ticket out from saturated market. my alipay also once strangely locked me out of payment, till called its support crew to fix it. recently I mostly unease if my payment method totally freezed but so far attests I at large with my assets. nevertheless, with remaining Chinese Yuan, I equipped myself another domain, billingzhu.com for my future new family member perceives in holy message. soon after I gained it from godaddy.com it strangely deleted from my account. after spent near half day desperately resuming it, I had to call godaddy support but found unknown deletion likely beyond my intentionality. and PRC tightens law against personal domain ownership esp of overseas, restricting ISP within its sovereign from support. God, reckless dictator in sinking PRC desperate clinging to my portal online. where is the barked tree tall enough for voice of holy bliss, voice of hope in destructive nation like China under CCP seizure? bring me sooner my Royal China to extinguish sickened tyrant in PRC falling day by day in fear and hatred. bring me sooner my Crowned Queen from Japan, Asoh Yukiko, and our happy journey to central China, our hometown, in gathering our relatives in lunar new year 2017. grant us free web and steady investment on our cyberspace startup. thx, dad God.

Dec 29, 2016

first dreamt Pony Ma, founder of tencent.com, lives our neighbor. when I leaving my house topless, he and his parents just returning home and caught astonished. I explained I was in active art performance after found myself fully naked. then dreamt among kids. I esp cared a little girl likely a Tibetan. then with my kid traveling in delegation of my once colleagues of QRRS cable TV station. my kid creative and rushes to package and seats for the bus when we leaving a mountain village, just like myself unsettled for tour coming. this week barely looking forward to new year end bonus from my once and long time employer, QRRS. last salary brought me ￥3100, merely covered credit debt clearance monthly, 2000rmb. now I had several small bill to write off, inc tea subscription, treating neighbor kid for his lent us internet during our switching to fiber optic from PPPOE dialing, monthly cinema with woz, Taiwanese restaurant Formosa membership recharge, keep alive several debit accounts after annual fee charges, groupon showers, etc. I already had 2 local debtee with debt 1100rmb, and my web assets didn't fully renew, esp small cost but largely rewards, like amazon prime, localphone rental. I almost can't live without them. zhone's 12 domains under woz, my dearest son's title, also needs renewal which nearly costs $250. coming new year holiday also renders additional expense for dorm canteen then will out of service. I have to feed myself and treat my son in gatherings in the period. devil in dorm still pesters me, even more shamelessly and desperate. they frequently cut me offline when I enjoy passive listening or watching, ie. no my input on computer, trying to entangle me in cheap under espionage. they also deprive me off due caliber of web traffic capacity, results in badly lagging video and webpage loading loop at rate near 0 bps. they setup spare no effort to profane my solo and ruin my pleasure among cyberspace community but only reveal their ugly bloody mouth barking upon wrong tree. my dorm's window wall leaked, loose with many ashes broken down. I invited dorm director, a young tall and beautiful woman, to inspect if it turns dangerous. but she brought 2 technicians and they claimed well around. I still don't believe in. I want change to another dorm room well in shape and to evade the dark and poisonous souls sieged my current dorm, esp the spitting and cough pretending cow in facing neighbor. my current residential situation likely predefined before my move in, doomed to frustrate me and intimidate me into sad silence among criminal and sicken. they hated my brilliant website long enough. God, dad, bring me sooner my Royal China to vitalize my mission so far so joyful to discipline Chinese in new millennium for future gracious survival, for greater transformation of its people and culture sound and independent. bring my son and myself via airline to our hometown in 3rd journey out of anxiety. grant me independent finance to maintain our web investment and growth of presence online.

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[be21zh]

Jan 27, 2017

last night woke up earlier then dwelling in dreams. first dreamt in zoo with dearest son, woz. 2 cheap girls recklessly open cage of tiger and let it at large. we rushed to evade and scattered. when I returned near zoo and found tiger caught woz and indecisively tore his clothes. in terror I scream for zoo manager's help. when he in sight and running closer, I approached the tiger and woke up. I timely noted it on my mobile. then dreamt an OCR software's advertisement on media. I was more or less familiar with pirate warez once, so I'm sure I will get a copy of the tool. I felt glad with it I can turn some Chinese textbook and its tests digitally for woz's exercise. then all dreams about flying, with a delegation of school teachers likely in vacation tour. I can fly without any voyage, and use it to challenge barrage around me. this is a pale morning and eve of lunar new year. my returning train ticket still pending while brokerage already handed over. woz gained about ���2100 pocket money from his hometown relatives. I didn't send out any gift money, including my newly married nephew. but I told him my startup and hard economy and promised will help him in future when my situation better. yesterday is the turning day of our vacation here, half elapsed. we made nice demonstration to country guys about steam online games to larger LED, chromecast mirror screen, English online videos. our poor dell notebook almost broke down after heavily load of video gaming, in frequent freeze now. I sincerely best wishes to my relatives here, hoping someday I can improve their lives. they already saw satisfactions in the decade when most nephews built their families. God dad, bring me sooner my Royal China to my larger family, for my future offspring. bring me Asoh Yukiko for glory of regal affair. grant us financial freedom to support my online startup.

Jan 25, 2017

first dreamt inspecting a girl secretary of Communist Youth league. she later in charge of a business owned by CCYL, then the business turns in property of girl her own. then dreamt being an India school boy. he studied diligently and guessed or cheated to know exam's topic so scores highest. the topic likely about self-restrain, in Chinese in dream exactly "������������". his mom and sister celebrate his performance. his school dean who usually stern but now also welcomes him warmly. the boy gladly goes shopping with award, a check. this morning I woke up by the dream and made memo on my mobile. then I fell asleep again till my son got up. my elder sister asked us stay for celebrating lunar new year especially. my nephew came from my hometown village to invite our visit but I defied it for I felt vengeful against my brothers, esp my kid brother who made us harder when he had to aid me meanly. so I decisively evade him and his family, including the village, Zhudajiu where my 2 elder brothers didn't extend helping hand during my credit debt crisis last year. among the relatives and rich meal I abrupt left to my younger elder sister's house to blog. here my 2 nephews also hurry to downtown market. my dearest son, woz, aside me with his pc games. lunar new year holiday can be boring, for lunar harvest season doesn't exist nowadays. I just too far from any celebration in my family affair, nor regal affair. with additional ���300 in this salary from QRRS, I equipped my family amazon prime another year, but nowhere to find fund to renew another 12 zhone domains esp. under woz's title. God, dad, pl allow me finishing last todo annually in this month. let 2017 anxious free and firm business as seeds soiled. bring me sooner my Royal China to house my beloved, my children. bring Asoh Yukiko when we still breed. grant us financial independence and ability to see through adversity. thx dad.

Jan 21, 2017

dreamt siblings competition in economy. mafia tried to control state owned properties and bidding for merger. I was threatened not to bid but managed to, among my relatives influence. the flight toward hometown esp. smooth, all my unease evaporated after a night and a day's on way. its my first time brought a luggage and I had to ask stewardess where to fetch it back. my son grows more confident in the journey with flight. our neighbor seat was likely a graduate girl, we made nice chats. we only had ���500 budget for on road cost, and it did cover, including taxi to my sister's house in a town, our destiny. these days a nephew's wedding in preparing, for the bride's house too far, in neighbor province, so she will move to hotel in the county's capital in advance. tomorrow will be the wedding ceremony holds locally. our returning voyage still pending, for the train ticket too scarce to buy. we paid Ctrip.com to hunt for us, and it monitored more than 500000 times and still going. the town's business mostly cement, whose pollution quite severe. but today is second sunny day since our settlement and sunniest one so far. the 2 sons of my sister each has a car. their house newly furnished. I even already looking forward to return while my son still find funs here. all equipment we brought with us works well here, allowing woz to demonstrate online games with gamepads, mobile games chromecast to large LCD. hope he find friends here. God dad, we still have 12 domains to renew, pl grant us space to execute it. bring me sooner my Royal China to host our friends and relatives in glories. bring my Crowned Queen from Japan, Asoh Yukiko, for my family and children. thx, dad.

Jan 12, 2017

dreamt of my once campus alumnus, in surname Shi. he was one of 2 schoolmates helped me when I first settled in Qiqihar thousand miles from my hometown after graduation. in dream his house near mountain and open. at first I thought its scenery. then I anxious about safety. Shi first denied problem then gradually admitted it. his only elder sister then joined conversation, reviewed gunned robberies, as well as wild mountain predators, together their brutality hurt their family and young memories in feeble. then I review our old house also just under and inward 2 mountains' junction and kept so well by my grand dad, warm, vivid and self-relies. in reality when I first settled in Qiqihar and visited Shi's house, his house is a small slum among shabby northern China normal residential area. toilet was near mile away and backyard least spacey. but after nearly 2 decades, many slums turned into skyscrapers here and I don't know where is Shi and his old family now. these weeks preparing hometown tour 3rd with woz, dearest son. I previously severe concerned if my credit debt deprives me of airline, but narrowly I got our flight ticket in a mid Monday night. my kid brother tried his best to sell poverty, claiming my sister can't afford our flights but under my emphasis promised ���5000 from my sister arrived in 2 times remission my failing kid brother loathed to complete. we got a flight toward hometown while return voyage is train whose ticket paid but still in hunting by ctrip.com, a Chinese mainstream travel agency, due to PRC cheap policy said to protect the poor while in fact lots of brokers profit from the scarce of train ticket out from saturated market. my alipay also once strangely locked me out of payment, till called its support crew to fix it. recently I mostly unease if my payment method totally freezed but so far attests I at large with my assets. nevertheless, with remaining Chinese Yuan, I equipped myself another domain, billingzhu.com for my future new family member perceives in holy message. soon after I gained it from godaddy.com it strangely deleted from my account. after spent near half day desperately resuming it, I had to call godaddy support but found unknown deletion likely beyond my intentionality. and PRC tightens law against personal domain ownership esp of overseas, restricting ISP within its sovereign from support. God, reckless dictator in sinking PRC desperate clinging to my portal online. where is the barked tree tall enough for voice of holy bliss, voice of hope in destructive nation like China under CCP seizure? bring me sooner my Royal China to extinguish sickened tyrant in PRC falling day by day in fear and hatred. bring me sooner my Crowned Queen from Japan, Asoh Yukiko, and our happy journey to central China, our hometown, in gathering our relatives in lunar new year 2017. grant us free web and steady investment on our cyberspace startup. thx, dad God.

Dec 29, 2016

first dreamt Pony Ma, founder of tencent.com, lives our neighbor. when I leaving my house topless, he and his parents just returning home and caught astonished. I explained I was in active art performance after found myself fully naked. then dreamt among kids. I esp cared a little girl likely a Tibetan. then with my kid traveling in delegation of my once colleagues of QRRS cable TV station. my kid creative and rushes to package and seats for the bus when we leaving a mountain village, just like myself unsettled for tour coming. this week barely looking forward to new year end bonus from my once and long time employer, QRRS. last salary brought me ���3100, merely covered credit debt clearance monthly, 2000rmb. now I had several small bill to write off, inc tea subscription, treating neighbor kid for his lent us internet during our switching to fiber optic from PPPOE dialing, monthly cinema with woz, Taiwanese restaurant Formosa membership recharge, keep alive several debit accounts after annual fee charges, groupon showers, etc. I already had 2 local debtee with debt 1100rmb, and my web assets didn't fully renew, esp small cost but largely rewards, like amazon prime, localphone rental. I almost can't live without them. zhone's 12 domains under woz, my dearest son's title, also needs renewal which nearly costs $250. coming new year holiday also renders additional expense for dorm canteen then will out of service. I have to feed myself and treat my son in gatherings in the period. devil in dorm still pesters me, even more shamelessly and desperate. they frequently cut me offline when I enjoy passive listening or watching, ie. no my input on computer, trying to entangle me in cheap under espionage. they also deprive me off due caliber of web traffic capacity, results in badly lagging video and webpage loading loop at rate near 0 bps. they setup spare no effort to profane my solo and ruin my pleasure among cyberspace community but only reveal their ugly bloody mouth barking upon wrong tree. my dorm's window wall leaked, loose with many ashes broken down. I invited dorm director, a young tall and beautiful woman, to inspect if it turns dangerous. but she brought 2 technicians and they claimed well around. I still don't believe in. I want change to another dorm room well in shape and to evade the dark and poisonous souls sieged my current dorm, esp the spitting and cough pretending cow in facing neighbor. my current residential situation likely predefined before my move in, doomed to frustrate me and intimidate me into sad silence among criminal and sicken. they hated my brilliant website long enough. God, dad, bring me sooner my Royal China to vitalize my mission so far so joyful to discipline Chinese in new millennium for future gracious survival, for greater transformation of its people and culture sound and independent. bring my son and myself via airline to our hometown in 3rd journey out of anxiety. grant me independent finance to maintain our web investment and growth of presence online.