#this hits me right where it hurts

[mysynonym]

und alles ist ok

ich hab jetzt viele neue Leute

doch manchmal tut's noch weh

und mit manchmal mein' ich heute

[avocado62524]

[mewtwo24]

I finally finished reading the fourth volume of svsss in full, and thing is--the first time through I only read the bingqiu content because I was ravenous for more of their happy ending.

Turns out that was a perilous mistake.

Because I started reading the airplane extras. And I swear to god. MXTX is trying to kill me

What do you MEAN demon lord Binghe was sitting on his big fucking throne. All stoic and forbidding. Surrounded by his demon generals who don't know shit about human courtship. Asking them what he should do, fully demoralized by constant rejections from sqq, only to have airplane tell him to act more pathetic and needy. Which is already hysterically funny and insane, UNTIL LBH'S RESPONSE IS THIS, KILLING ME INSTANTLY:

LUO BINGHE. WHY DOES HE SAY IT LIKE: "I already tried that, didn't work--nothing works :/ not mean, not maidenly, not housewife, not spicy, not capable disciple. Is doubling down on clingy really all it will take? What's a born hater with only one love in his life to do????"

The dichotomy of him sitting there like 'how can I reach the unfathomable depths of shizun's heart?' A HEART HE'S ALREADY WON OVER, MIND and then in the Holy Mausoleum solving the puzzle without blinking and being like 'oh yeah you just have to hit the acupoints, no sweat.' Literally the comedy writes itself I'm so--

How am I supposed to be normal about this. MXTX understands the juicy quintessential queer joy of a person with the world's power at their fingertips wishing only for love. Willing to do anything to earn that love, when unbeknownst to them it's already been freely given. Totally not screaming and yelling and clawing at the walls

And that's not even touching airplane's uproarious account of events. The way he's like 'lol what's next, lbh and sqq are best friends now? smfh' only to see lbh TACKLE SQQ LOVINGLY. FOR SQQ TO BE BASHFUL ABOUT IT BUT SO SO FOND OF THE LITTLE SCAMP. This when we've been experiencing sqq's constant inner monologue of 'I'm so cool and so dignified about my role, truly the epitome of propriety and poser-level fortitude.' Meanwhile, in their universe:

Airplane constantly flaming???? Sqq and lbh in his observations????? His absolute bewilderment and confusion????? Legendary. No notes every single second of this shit was hilarious.

Airplane's comment that sqq + older adolescent lbh traveling together was just watching a couple in their honeymoon phase. OR the fact that lbh is exceedingly petty and refuses to share their food in the wake of airplane's interruption of their time together, until sqq relents sheepishly and insists airplane eat what's left (ONLY AFTER PLACATING LBH WITH MORE FOOD FROM HIS PLATE, SOBBING)

Watching airplane salivate over Mobei-Jun and acting like that's totally normal behavior. Finding out mbj and airplane got together first. Finding out sqq encouraged airplane. LIKE THIS. WHILE HE IS STILL IN DENIAL ABOUT HIS OWN FEELINGS:

Mobei-jun clearly thinking their arrangement is a forever thing, heartbroken his human abandoned him with all the hapless fury of a scorned wife swept away by false promises of fidelity. Airplane writing demons to be the type to beat up their crush lovingly and still unable to connect the dots about mbj's feelings. Mbj letting him go and respecting his wishes, only relenting when there's indication airplane was poorly processing his own feelings and didn't actually want to leave. Mbj caring for him and listening to him as soon as airplane voices what he needs directly and with clarity. None of these gays are functional and it's everything to me

Unrelated, but I physically can't hold this information in anymore:

I'm still reeling from younger lbh having his sexual awakening from the image of sqq wrapped in the immortal binding cables. Condemn me as you like he was so, so real for that.

And no I will not be taking any comments about how luo bingge couldn't bear to see luo binghe cherished in ways he never got to have and all the haunting implications of that. I will also not be taking any comments about luo binghe's instinct to look for sqq in that alternate universe, only to be shaken to the very core to be unable to find his shizun anywhere. The unspeakable and latent horror of his relentless mind likely piecing together what happened, but unable to say it; to suspect what is true, and live with the harrowing confusion of his double's actions. To blame himself, to assume that he had let his anger get the better of him in that world and result in unspeakable folly...

I also refuse to talk about how heartrending it is to hear Tianlang-jun weakly say "In the end, I really can't bring myself to hate humans." The implication that the foolishness of that hope and bright-eyed fondness--the very thing that put him through such unspeakable agony--couldn't be beaten out of him entirely. To discover that his faith in Su Xiyan hadn't been misplaced, to the contrary: his beloved hadn't scorned him at all, but rather fought to the miserable end to protect the fruition of their genuine feelings of love when she couldn't protect tlj or herself.

How MXTX has sqq deliberately draw parallels between their situation and that of ygy+sj and tlj+sx; desperately wishing it might not be too late for them. The concept of breaking cycles of abuse and harm pervasive throughout the newly devised story, how it evolves for the better only when love takes the place of power, pride, and domination. How the moment sqq chooses vulnerability instead of saving face, the genre shifts to the so-called "cringe" girly genre where most if not every character is more fulfilled, more true to themselves. How the "male-oriented" former genre was aimlessly sensationalized and sexualized, how it was a sustained performance of aspirational toxic masculinity. How men objectify other men without end. All of the unspoken gendered implications that come with that.

Anyways. Going to go put my head in a sandbox and try to process everything I just witnessed because even a second reading is not enough to find a modicum of closure.

[swinging-stars-from-satellites]

when I want to write something self indulgent to give me all the angsty and cuddly hurt/comfort feels but I can't because I end up feeling guilty because I'm seeking after feels that I feel in an inappropriate place because my mom told me one time when I was 15 that I shouldn't search that out or it's probably sexual sin but it confuses me because ALL the feels happen that way for me even if it's entirely platonic and nonsexual and so I don't know if it's okay to want to write to that because apparently all pleasure of any sort, even over platonic stories, is sexual or comes with a possibly probably sexual feeling and I also am having a hard time figuring out what's genuine conviction from God and what's just my anxiety/OCD/perfectionism/fear of failure

[candyfloss-esophagus]

what really fucks me up is the line 'i didn't know they made those in adult sizes' from peter b referring to the daypass that miles is wearing so that he doesn't. yk. die a horrible death immediately after setting foot in hq. it seems like a throwaway funnyman comment at first but then you realise that miles is really wearing an adult-sized bracelet. because presumably the only other person who needs one or is relevant to the movie is mayday. a toddler. a literal baby. miles, not half an hour before, had a conversation with jeff and rio and insisted that he was an adult and they needed to stop babying him. he was exasperated and, yeah, i get that. everyone is constantly demeaning and belittling miles for his age, calling him 'kid', trying to shelter him or purely underestimating him. he's at that weird in-between stage of his life where everyone insists he has to grow up and 'act his age' while simultaneously keeping kid locks on everything he tries to reach. that adult daypass is an outright mockery of the watch that would give him his freedom and allow him to really spread his wings and grow into himself and i'm so emotionally bitter about that.

[yrsonpurpose]

THE SUMMER I TURNED PRETTY Season 2 - Soundtrack: Taylor Swift [x]

[chatdae]

Grace FUMBLED Ryan! BAD parenting to preach respect and then act contrarily (ie saying she wants him to feel safe, then not allowing him any autonomy). She should've let him leave and come back... or at least explained why she didn't want him to leave before deciding (ex: 'Homelander will kidnap you', etc). She needed to let him make the decision for himself... agh. AAAAA.

And now Butcher's no use because he's committed to being evil and can't offer ANYTHING good to Ryan!!! He was so right, they NEEDED to give Ryan more space... I know the external pressures seemed impossible, but dammit, Grace, this was no way to beat the odds!

(this is about The Boys season four)

[lostxinfinity]

The group hugging MC tightly, them being called a family, MC feeling at home for the first time....when I tell you I SOBBED

[worstloki]

prize for least genre aware protagonist 👑

[thelastspeecher]

This may come as a bit of a surprise, but I don't often cry at books. Even the ones that hit me the hardest and most deeply, I don't cry.

But the ending of The Sun and the Star of all things got to me and now I'm crying at work bc I decided to finish it on my lunch break.

[infinitelystrangemachinex]

Come on, you know you want to, give us the character bingo for Viktor.

don't mind if i doooo

[v-tired-queer]

Sometimes a part of being a Christian who is/has gone through trauma and/or heartbreak is listening to a sad pop song and equating it to Jesus

[heyitsspaceace]

i love doctor who companions because they prove that people who seem simply ordinary can be absolutely extraordinary. that they can save people, towns, cities, countries, the whole world, multiple worlds, the universe and even the multiverse.

[anotherhumanpet]

Your boyfriend is awfully violent. What if he loses it on you like that?

((Anon, I'm going to assume you genuinely mean well and just want to poke fun at the thread I'm having with Fox via my Shiro blog, especially since I'm writing/tagging Dennis in that thread alongside them. I don't want to believe that you're acting maliciously, stupidly, or some combination of the two at once. But I need to take this ask you've sent and create a moment to remind everyone:

If there's any kind of confusion on what exactly these types of abuses are and-or what they mean, please feel free to google them before approaching me with questions. I don't mind elaborating on my own needs around them because my personal and specific triggers are not a google-able thing (for a variety of reasons), but I'm also not agreeable to the idea of explaining the bare bone basics of these types of abuse to people who are perfectly capable of researching the topics for themselves. Like, genuinely, it's not hard and I shouldn't have to put myself in a vulnerable position and do your homework on this. Seriously.))

[hauntingblue]

Choose your favourite reaction

[junonreactor]

just did all the party sidequests. that was really cute