#this includes awkwardly reaching out to the ones you never really hung out with intentionally. text them on their birthdays etc.

[drumlincountry]

Man, I’m just happy these days. I’m just happy. It’s wonderful. I’m grateful for it.

It shines. Everything shines. Yesterday, on a ferry I watched the waves roll over each other and catch the sunlight - and I was happy. I spent 12 hours on public transport and still I was happy.

And yes, last night I got 5 hours of sleep and today I was exhausted and sore and stressed about work. But I was also happy. I’m happy because of the autumn chill in the air. I’m happy because I saw my friends, unpacked my bags, and listened to dracula. I’m happy because I have planted roses, even though I don’t know if they will take.

This time last year was one of the worst times in my life. I was hopeless, miserable, crying every day. I knew my life was making me sick and sad, and I couldn’t keep living it. I knew it would take an enormous amount of work to build a life that I could live, that I would need so much support for it. I felt so weak and it all felt impossible.

But guess fucking what!!!! It was possible!!!!!!! I was supported!!!!! and I was capable!!!!! and I did the enormous amount of work!!!!!  AND NOW ... I’m content with my life. :)

There are problems, stresses, fears. There are big things I’m working towards that I might never achieve. There are big things I tried to do, and failed. And that’s ok! Because there are also hopes, dreams, joys. Fun! Love! Games!

My life isn’t perfect. Of course it isn’t. but it’s so much better, and I feel so much better.

[junnyjjae]

na jaemin ➳ project partners! au (pt.1)

jaemin x reader

➳ genre: fluff, kinda cliche beware! hehe

➳ word count: 1,542 words

➳ A/N: i’m still contemplating whether i should continue this au, hehe! if you guys want me to make a chapter 2 let me know! 

freshman year of college in dramas and movies always seemed so fun and fresh, but it was the first day of college for you in college and you couldn’t even gather yourself enough energy to hit the snooze button of your phone alarm.

eventually, you woke up after all the 7 alarms went off. 

8:45 a.m. 

“fuck.” you muttered as your steps began to fasten towards the bathroom.

freshmen were supposed to register for their first lecture before 8:30 a.m., and somehow you managed to mess that up. 

“how cliche of me, i’m going to be that girl in those stupid rom-com movies that runs late to the first day of school, misses the bus, runs to school, and somehow magically runs into some stranger that has perfect fluffy hair! the prettiest eyes! and a smile so bright it hurts!” you ranted out loud while trying to fit into the ripped skinny jeans you had gotten at a 50% off cotton on sale last week. 

you quickly put on a sweater hung on your chair, grabbed your backpack and left the apartment.

being fortunate enough, you managed to catch the shuttle bus that could drop you off at the back entrance of the college campus.

“oh dear heavenly father, if you would, please, just help me this once, please, don’t let me see anyone i know at all, i really, have no mood or energy whatsoever to say hi, and i really don’t want to be later than i already am to class.” you prayed, shutting your eyes so tight wrinkles could show on the sides of your eyes.

you couldn’t give a damn about attendance or being late to class. heck, you wouldn’t even care about missing the first week of lectures. you were smart enough to catch up on the first week of lectures, and who would be dumb enough to think that the lecturer would actually begin teaching on the first day of school. it would always be some lame introduction of the lecturer, and then a round of introductions from the students, everyone always giving forced smiles around.

but. you did miss orientation day. and for that, your name had not been officially registered into the major you were taking. today was the only day you would be able to register into class, or it was buh-bye future for you.

the bus stopped eventually to the campus. you got off, of course. and no matter how much you didn’t wish to run, you had to. you really, really, couldn’t waste anymore time. two thoughts were constantly running through your head: office. room 239. office. room 239. office. room 239. 

you had to register at the office, then run straight and make a sharp turn to the left, stopping at the 4th last room, BIOCHEMISTRY 101.

registering at the office was no issue at all, in fact, the personnel at the front desk was friendly enough to tell you that you weren’t the only student that did not turn up for orientation day. 

you smiled at the friendly personnel and thanked her before running off again to your lecture room. by this time you were already half an hour late. 

as you were running to the room, you noticed a fairly tall guy with brownish-red fluffy hair walking casually paced. 

were you not the only one that was late? 

maybe he was a lecturer, you thought.

but no, it can’t be.

the hallways were practically empty and all students and lecturers would have been in class already, at this point of time. furthermore, he looked so young. which college lecturer would be so young, wearing a graphic white tee, black jeans and whatever looked like nike air force 1′s? 

“probably just some senior that doesn’t even bother to graduate anymore,” you thought.

“man, that would be me in 3 years time,” you thought as you chuckled to yourself, finally slowing down your fast pace, reaching the door to your lecture.

ROOM 239

yup. 

definitely. it’s this one.

“don’t worry, _____. just walk in, apologize, and walk to the nearest seat possible. it will be fine.” you told yourself.

and so, you slowly and quietly opened the door, walking in awkwardly with all eyes staring at you.

“i’m sorry for being so late.” you said, bowing to everyone, including the lecturer.

“that’s quite alright, just make sure this doesn’t happen again. i don’t always tolerate bad punctuality, but it is your first day, so it’s fine, for now,” said the lecturer.

you could tell he was trying to go easy on the first day for freshmen, and a small part of you genuinely appreciated that.

“take a seat, everyone has already found a lab partner. but since you’re late, i guess you’ll have to do the whole project by yourself, unfortunately. unless, there is someone else that’s late who also happens to be in this course, but that’s most unlikely to happen-” he suddenly got cut off.

someone came in casually.

you could hear some girls, well, actually, all, of the girls beginning to whisper fangirl.

you turned around to look who was causing sudden outburst.

it was him.

that boy with the brownish-red hair, casually walking.

your mind was in slight confusion.

“what is a senior doing in this class? isn’t this a freshmen class for biochemistry? did he enter the wrong room? or did i enter the wrong room? or is he being held back? or am i just advanced?” the sudden wave of questions started filling your head.

but more importantly, your mind was so flustered by how strangely attractive this boy was. 

he had perfect fluffy hair, the prettiest eyes, and a smile so bright it hurt.

“wait a fucking minute,” you thought.

“this sounds so fucking familiar.” you thought again.

you mentally facepalmed yourself.

of course, that one rom-com campus boy! 

obviously every school had one, how could you have thought this school didn’t, just because it was college?

oh well, whatever.

you in no way, ever want to get involved with someone like him.

these type of boys were always either up to no good, or too cliche, always ending up with pretty girls, then breaking their hearts either intentionally, or unintentionally.

you knew this from all the friends you had to comfort back in highschool, because it was these type of boys that they always got involved with, always ending up with overrated romance movies and tubs of ice cream crying with several tissue boxes wasted, in your house, with their hearts apparently “broken into a million pieces” because “i thought he was the one”.

“excuse me?”

“excuse me? um-” a voice said.

you snapped back into reality.

it was that boy’s voice.

“oh, um, yes?” you said, still wondering how you could let your thoughts and emotions stray so far just because of a pretty boy you don’t even know the name of.

“project partners?” he asked.

“huh?”

“we’re both late?” so we’re together in this project?” 

“oh, right, okay, yeah, totally, sure, cool!”

you quickly hurried to the nearest seat possible.

you could hear him chuckling.

he sat next to you.

“why were you late?” he asked, with his eyes opened curiously.

“uh- i overslept.” you said.

“cool, i was busy watching anime in the cafeteria i forgot i was late.” he answered casually.

“first day and i’m already paired with some pretty boy i never want to be friends with, plus, he’s a total weirdo?” you thought.

“i’m jaemin.” he smiled.

you didn’t know if you could tell him your name.

would it seem to rude?

“aren’t you going to tell me your name?” he asked.

“ _____ “. you said hesitantly said.

“nice to meet you,  _____! i hope we get along well for the rest of the year!” he flashed a gummy smile.

you thought that you were about to melt at this moment with that smile.

you half smiled at him, still slightly nervous.

“class dismissed. i hope you all plan your time wisely with your partner, as this project must be handed up in 1 month’s time. a day after the deadline and no marks will be given as coursework.” said the lecturer as everyone began to keep their belongings.

you put your phone into your bag, turning to leave the room as you felt a grip on your wrist.

“wait, we still need to keep in contact don’t we? or else how are we going to do this project? said jaemin.

“ah- right. um- i-” you stammered.

jaemin chuckled.

he handed you his phone, with a blank keypad.

“here.” he smiled.

you looked at him for a split second before taking his phone and entering your phone number. 

“great!” he smiled, once again.

“i assume you’re not the type to make the first step, so i’ll text you first. plus, i’m the one having your number.” he lifted his eyebrows playfully.

you weren’t the type to really find things cute or funny, but somehow you managed to give sincere giggle at his bubbly personality.

“then i’ll get going. see you,  _____ !” he said, walking out of the room.

oh, this will be hell of a one month project, you thought to yourself.

[cruisercrusher]

Dicktiger week day 5- Assassin (This is a rotten thing to keep inside)

If Tiger had to choose one word from his (extensive) vocabulary to describe Wayne Manor, then he figured just ‘BIG’ would suit it fine.

Everything about the manor was big. The rooms, the halls, the windows were all big, even the air, the presence of wealth was massive and all encompassing. Even the furniture seemed to Tiger like it was made for giants-- especially the fireplace at the back of the… Tiger wasn’t sure what this room would be called.

The front doors of the manor led you into a pretty regular sized foyer, symmetrical, two cushioned benches on either side of the door under each of the two windows, and two coat closets. The foyer then opened up into a cavernous space wherein the stairs that led up to all three of the manor’s floors resided. It was almost completely open, and if you stood at the right angle, looked up and squinted you could see the ceiling of the third floor between the railings of all the winding staircases and the chandeliers.

To the immediate left was a doorway that led into a hallway that took you to a parlor, a bathroom, the dining room and through there the den in which there was the entrance to the batcave, the kitchen, the laundry room, and the library. If you wandered further eventually you would find yourself in what appeared to be a home art gallery housing a lot of cat themed pieces, another bathroom, and a billiards room that had a bar and seemed rarely ever used. Many rooms in the manor seemed rarely used. It made Tiger a little mad to think about. All this wasted space.

On the right side was a doorway that led into a family room, called as such because there was a tv there and seemed much more frequently occupied than the other sitting rooms that were more classically decorated, and wide, grand doors that opened up into the ballroom.

In front of the massive fireplace, in the wide space beneath the first floor landing, was a couch and two armchairs, and a plush carpet, as well as a grand piano. On the wall above the fireplace were so many family portraits and photographs that counting them all would take longer than it would to count all the stars in the sky.

It was in this ‘room’ that Tiger found himself in presently. He stood awkwardly off to the side while Dick, his boyfriend of only two four months but his love for over a year, fussed and fawned over the youngest Wayne.

Damian Wayne stood, back straight and stiff, at the bottom of the stairs, designer luggage in hand, waiting patiently for Dick to be done mother henning him.

Damian Wayne was about to go spend the long weekend with his mother. Talia Al Ghul would be coming to the manor momentarily to pick him up herself.

Tiger did not particularly want to be present at the time that Talia arrived, but he wanted even less to be left alone in the manor, away from Dick’s side. It was the first time that Dick had brought him to visit, and Tiger did not want to get ambushed by any of his boyfriend’s family members in a place he couldn’t escape.

Tiger just hoped Talia would not say anything… damaging. Damian seemed content to keep his young mouth shut. Maybe the same could be said about his mother.

Ha. And maybe Tiger would spontaneously become Superman sometime in the next ten minutes.

As if.

“Oh, Dami,” Dick gushed, pressing sloppy, wet kisses to the young boy’s cheeks. “I’m so glad you and your mom are reconciling! Now that both of you are out from under Ra’s’ thumb… this is going to be really good for you, Dami, I know it.”

“I know, Grayson.” Damian grumbled, though a small smile still made itself known on his face even as he wiped saliva off his cheek. “I’m glad, too.”

Then, a knock on the door. Alfred, who had been waiting with them, reached forward to open it, revealing none other than Talia Al Ghul herself waiting on the other side.

“Hello, Mother,” Damian said with a slightly hesitant smile. He walked over to her after one last hug from Dick. “I’m ready to go.”

“Habibi,” Talia greeted him with a hand on his shoulder. Then she looked up at the other people present, nodding to Alfred and Dick, before her gaze landed on Tiger.

Talia’s eyebrows rose very purposefully. “The Tiger King of Kandahar… it’s been a long time, hasn’t it?”

Tiger stilled as Alfred and Dick turned to look curiously between him and Talia. Damian looked down, suddenly finding the wooden floor very interesting.

Well, Tiger thought, it was nice while it lasted.

“You know each other?” Dick asked him, a careful edge to his voice. Tiger couldn’t lie to him (not anymore). He nodded.

“I used to work for her.”

Silence hung heavy in the manor foyer as the implication set in.

“Used to.” Talia stressed, sighing. “Which is too bad, really. You were one of my best assassins.”

Tiger winced. He kept his challenging gaze on Talia, almost daring her to keep throwing him under more buses.

Now, don’t get it twisted, Talia was rarely intentionally malicious. But the last time they saw each other wasn’t on the best of terms, and, well, no one was perfect. Even internationally renowned assassin queens could be petty.

“I am going to go wait in the car.” Damian said, picking up his luggage and leaving out the front door.

Tiger looked at Dick and nearly flinched at the look on his face. A veritable thunderstorm of conflicting emotions roiled across his face. The clench of his jaw said anger but the draw of his eyebrows said upset, and his eyes… in Dick’s eyes was disappointment, clear and palpable. It was the disappointment Tiger couldn’t stand. Dick’s anger, he was familiar with. His sadness, he knew how to soothe. But disappointment…

He had hoped that that part of Tiger’s past could have remained secret for… forever, if Tiger could have helped it. Along with, well, almost literally every other part of Tiger’s past. He’d done a lot that Tiger knew if Dick knew then he might not… love him anymore.

His career in the league of shadows was very high up on that list.

Suddenly Dick moved from his frozen place, like one of Medusa’s stone statues reanimating. He stormed out of the room, shouldering roughly past Tiger.

“Master Richard,” Alfred called after him, but it was no use. Dick was gone in the depths of the manor.

Tiger took the opportunity to glare full force at Talia. She just raised an eyebrow at him, the barest hint of a smirk pulling at the corner of her mouth. “Oh, Tiger,” she said. “Surely you knew you couldn't run forever?”

And with that she turned on her heel and walked out the door after her son, closing it firmly behind her.

Tiger made to go after Dick, but Alfred stopped him. “Might I recommend, Master Tiger,” said the elderly butler, “Waiting a bit, until Master Dick has had the chance to cool down, and think? He struggles to be rational when he gets upset.”

Alfred’s firm hand on Tiger’s shoulder stopped him from ignoring the advice and going after Dick anyway. Instead, Tiger found himself being led towards the kitchen.

“Come,” Alfred said. “Have some tea with me.”

Damian stared sullenly out the window of the moving car, watching the trees rush by. “You didn’t have to do that, Mother.” He said.

Talia kept her eyes on the road ahead, empty though it was. “And why not?”

“Grayson was very upset. And when he is upset, everyone is upset, including me. And, if Grayson’s relationship with the King ends over this, it will only make everything worse.” Damian crossed his arms over his chest, staring out the window harder. “He thinks I don’t notice these things, but I do, and Richard’s real to fake smile ratio has improved greatly ever since he and the King became romantically involved. Even I approve of him, even if Father still does not.”

“The way I see it, habibi, is that when a secret like this festers, it is only ever that much more rotten when it comes to light.” Talia said. “And this is a family full of detectives, Richard included. Tiger’s history would not have stayed secret for long.”

About an hour and two cups of tea later, Tiger was finally released from the kitchen and allowed to roam the manor in search of Dick. He checked the two parlors at the front of the house first, then the library and every other inch of the first floor for his boyfriend, to no avail. He even made sure to look up and check all the chandeliers. It wasn’t until he checked the ballroom a second time that he noticed the doors that led out to the garden were left open. Slowly he crossed the polished marble floor, his footsteps echoing lightly throughout the empty room. He poked his head out the door and into the garden, and spotted Dick a few yards away, sitting on a bench among the bushes of roses.

Dick pulled his knees up and rested his chin on them as Tiger approached, glaring all the while at the blooms around them, he made no outward indication that he noticed Tiger’s presence. Tiger sat next to Dick on the bench. He was unsure of what to say to make this better. Words of healing had never been his strong suit.

He just couldn’t get the image of Dick’s disappointed eyes out of his mind.

“I’m sorry.” He tried. Dick didn’t look at him.

“What are you sorry about?” He said, voice monotone and hollow. Tiger almost couldn’t stand it.

“I…” he trailed off. He didn’t know. “Everything?”

Dick let out a huff of air through his nose. His eyes stayed trained on the roses. “I’m mostly upset you didn’t tell me before but it’s also… I knew, theoretically, that you’d killed before. As a spy. I knew. It was just-- easier, I guess, when it was more… ambiguous.” He said. “I never watched you kill anyone. I never knew how many people you’d killed. I think that made it easier to look past. When it could have been as low as only one person, if I wanted to be foolishly optimistic.”

He sighed. “But now… an assassin. One of Talia’s best assassins. And I can only imagine how many… the blood on your hands… Tiger, I understand that sometimes killing is done in self defense. Sometimes, there’s no other choice. But I still don’t like killing, Tiger. Really don’t like it. And not just because it’s Bruce’s rule.”

“And I know you’re not that person anymore, I know it shouldn’t matter. But it does, somehow. An assassin-- to be making a living off of taking people’s lives, over and over again. I hate that.” Dick’s voice started to stray from that empty tone. “It-- it’s different for Damian and Cass. They were raised to be that way, since they were children-- Damian still is a child. But you-- wait, Tiger, were you--?”

Dick finally looked at Tiger then, contempt replaced quickly with concern.

“No, I was not raised as a child to be an assassin.” Tiger said. “Though… I still didn’t have much of a choice.”

Dick’s gaze softened, and Tiger couldn’t help thinking he didn’t deserve that look. “Tell me about it. I-- I still love you, Tiger. So please, help me understand.”

“... I was seventeen.” Tiger started after a pause, where he tried to get his thoughts together. He’d never actually told anyone about his past before. He wasn’t quite sure how. But he was going to try, anyway. For Dick. “I was seventeen, and a scout had found me, hungry and dehydrated, out in the desert, far from Kandahar and farther from everywhere else.”

“I was scrappy. I put up a fight. He brought me back to the league of shadows’ base, and I was recruited as a low level assassin. Started training right away. The scout, Abdel, mentored me for a time.” Tiger paused again. Now it was his turn to fixate on the flowers. “Abdel was twenty-two when he found me. And, at the time, I wasn’t delusional enough to think that what we had would last, but I was delusional enough to believe he loved me.”

Dick’s brow furrowed. “You two were…?”

“Yes.”

The furrow of Dick’s brow deepened. “Tiger, twenty-two and seventeen… that’s not--”

“I know.” Tiger said. “I know that now. It’s just-- Dick, back then, I had nothing, and then I had nothing else i became very skilled, rose in the ranks quickly until killing was just about all I knew how to do. I was… poisoned, for a long time, until you came and pulled me out of the hole I’d dug myself into. You were right, Dick, that I have blood on my hands. A lot. But you were also right when you said I am not that person anymore. I never will be again.”

Dick just looked at Tiger for a long moment, searching, considering. “Okay.” He eventually said. “I understand, now. Thank you for talking to me about it.” He reached over and squeezed Tiger’s hand. “And I’m sorry for storming off like that.”

“It’s okay.” Tiger said. Dick let his legs fall back down and leaned over, resting his head on Tiger’s shoulder. Tiger rested his head on top of Dick’s, taking in the scent of jasmine from his shampoo.

They sat like that, together, in silence, until the sun started to go down.