#this is eveerything to me now

[csaventing]

This is going to be long and i speak spanish so probably im going to have grammar mistakes U.u

When I was 16 I hang out with a classmate, he abuse me but idk it was weird and im not sure if it was abuse. When i was with him we were in a public space and he made me do sexual things, it felts weird but i didn´t said no but i didn´t wanted to do what we were doing but why i didn´t said no? maybe i wanted to do the things but it was HIM WHO TAKE MY HAND and move it all the time, it wasn´t ME who was doing the things, he was just using my hands and my body. He also made me things to me and i felt weird because i felt paralize and dissociated and I remember that i was having flashbacks of another moment in my life that i was abused, it was uncomfortable but i just can´t bealive that i was REALLY abuse bc i didn´t said no, because of that i feel so guilty and ashame of the situation...

Everything got worse some time later bc another girl of my school openly said that she was abuse by this same guy and the school take legal actions and what she said that he do to her was THE SAME THINGS that he did to me. In that moment i said what he did to me and the school alo take the legal actions but i felt the the theachers and the others adults didn´t bealive me at all, they looked at me like i was doing eveerything for atention and they ask me what happend and i I could see in their faces that they didn't believe me at all because the ask if i say no and because i didn´t said no they said that probably i wanted to do everything and obviously he didn´t notice that i was uncomfortable BUT BRO I WASN´T EVE MOVING I DIDN´T SAY NOTHING WHILE HE TOUCH ME AND HE MADE ME TUCH HIM, IT WAS HIM WHO MADE ME DO EVERYTHING!!!! they didn´t take me seriously. My friends alredy know what happend bc i told them the situation the day after it happend and fortunately when my classmates found out every single one bealive me without doing any questions me and kinda protect me of him when he arrive to the classroom, they move all the seats of the clasroom away from his seat and also put juice and yogurt in his backpack were he has his ipad in a way to made justice and take revenge for what he did to me and the other girl, they were sweet.

Anyways i still feel bad and ashame and a liar when i say that he abuse me because maybe he didn´t do it and everything was my fault because i didn´t say no in an explicit way, it made me doubt of what happend.

If someone could give me and opinion about all this situation it will be amazing because idk what to think about this situation. This happend when i had 16 and now im almost 20 and i still dont know if it was abuse or was just my fault because i didn´t say no and he never wanted to hurt me ?

To me this sounds like abuse. Many people who were abused didn’t clearly say no when it was happening. This can be due to fear, like you say feeling paralyzed. That’s called the “freeze response”. You are not to blame no matter if you didn’t say no. Also, no matter if you maybe “wanted it” or not, he should have asked and made sure you consented. I believe you.

[sugalaritae]

90s pop, bangs, hot topic (affectionate), big gorgeous smile

mittens hot topic early 00s or now?? this is an important question?? LOL

i love this so much!! thank you!! eveerything about this makes me SMILE.

what do you associate me with?

[runveganwankerrun]

Sat 26th Nov '22

Oh the joy of getting into your pyjamas early on a Saturday afternoon, knowing that you can lie on the settee, with a guilty pleasure episode or two of Judge Judy or Poirot, and fall asleep if that's what you feel like! I LOVE a Saturday avo like that!

That pic is my afternoon on the settee set out in front of me. Coffee, read a book, write my training diary and blog, eat the fudge that Blondie bought me. Actually, I fell asleep quite quickly, dozed for a couple of hours and woke up in time to watch some triathlon on telly before Strictly came on. A perfect Saterday avo.

I reckon I was tired after getting up at 6.30am in order to have time to run 5k before going to parkrun, where I was run director this morning. Coach's session today was "3 miles hilly. attack the hills" I made up a circuitous route around the town, with plenty of hilly roads, which I traversed in an upwardly direction, and feel like I followed his instruction. It was SLOW, but I don't care. Actually, I do care, but less than I used to, so that's progress. I will see how much I've progressed when I do 10k tomorrow on a club Sunday social run, and nearly everyone will be faster than me.

Parkrun volunteering always involves a bit of walking about, but non so much as when I am run director, walking the course, from marshal to marshal, to check eveerything is okay. It's more tiring than actually running it! TGG was volunteering at a different local parkrun, so we got together afterwards and went for brunch. As I hadn't had breakfast, it went down a treat.

Food today is within limits. Vegan sausages, bread roll and sweet potato fries at brunch, Blondie's fudge in the afternoon and veg soup at dinner. All fine as far as cals are concerned, if not great nutritionally. Tomorrow can be a full on "good" day. All the fudge is now gone and we ate out today, so we probably won't tomorrow.

I feel an early night coming on. I'm knackered.

[neomedievalist]

even looking at this incredibly sped up compressed gif of the entirety of smtiv neutral route that im trying to fit into tumblr gif size, its still making me fucking crazy abt this game everryone drop eveerything go play smtiv right now i will cry and scream if you dont

[klonoadreams]

girl HELP

😭😭😭😭😭😭

I am reading Made in Abyss because morbid curiosity FINALLY got to me that I could no longer hold back, despite me hating the mangaka as a whole in the same way I hate dragon maid’s mangaka (they’re both CREEPS)

eveerything’s all fine and dandy and then I see weirdass comments these kids are making and I’m just 

😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭

this is exactly like Dragon Maid in the sense that you should choose the anime over the manga (because it tones down a lot of the creepy shit)

(I would like to quit, but I’m too far in now, and I need to see what happens next)

[f0xd13-blog]

Well the way yoj treatedd me i couldn't care two shits now... oh we is poorer than you and yall don move one finger to help us while using only our goodd shit to win money and pretend that is part of your culture coz yall just follow trends? Sure... now you're going to ask jews to help you beat the jews that want to exterminate africans for their resources... it will be fun.. i told you all before... we isn't the target this time around but eveerything you've ignored from us unhuman sort of behaviour will go right back to you

[goddesstrolls]

You're welcome to lie down in this proverbial grave if you want, but... Just remember how things used to be, you used to be happy, and if you just lie down and take this, that's a death all its own. Even if, no, especially if it's difficult, you need to keep moving, if not for the man you see in the mirror, then for the one you used to be, the one you can be again.

I suppose to put it another way... It's like if you lost a leg. It's hard at first, and it feels like there's nothing you can do. But if you keep pushing forward, keep getting back up after you fall down, eventually you can walk again, and it'll all have been worth it.

And... You won't be alone, no matter what you choose. Even when it feels like you're all alone, just know there are so many people who care about you, more than you know.

Sorry, I got kinda carried away there.

"...what is liife if not dyying oveer and oover...and goiing throuugh the grieef of buryying yourself eaach time..."

"i useed to be anxioous. scaared of eveerything. thaat boy is deaad."

"i used too drink myseelf stupiid eevery weeekend and speend the rest of my freee tiime taking pictuures insteaad of focuusing on what i wouuld do aafter i got my deegree. i was only haappy becaause i was ignoriing my responsibiilities."

"thaat man is deead too, and theere is no diigging him up."

"joclyyn has been there throough it all. from the tiime i was a child, she took my hand aand wipeed away my teaars and guided me throough."

"eeven now when she knoows the man i useed to be- she remeembers when i couuld breathee aand eat. when i waasn't fuckiing exhausted all the time..."

"...when i didn't look liike a walkiing corpse..."

"eeven aafter what i did to myyself, she loves me."

"hoow can i cut that awaay? what kind of man wouuld i be if ii puushed away thee only persoon who reaally knew me?"

"i'm tired of tryiing to explaiin myself. leaave me aloone."

[horrorsequel]

im soooo irritated about all the incompetence that led to me having to wait so long for my physical therapy cos im going to have to still wait a while and like it hurts to just exist. eveerything hurts so bad all the time and i know the physical therapy is gonna be hell but i might be able to walk at the end of it and i will be in less pain.... ehehdjdbshdjdh weird weird weird ive been in so much pain for so many years and i have so much more physical therapy i keep being told i need to different parts of my body and it all has to wait .... like it makes me wonder if i will be like??? idk if i will have a higher quality of life in my 30s... i hope 3 years from now is a big enough buffer

[deafeningnachowasteland]

vent

for the past 6 months ive been recovering from a lot in my life and i felt like a normal person again but im going backwards now lol. my best friends mom found her laxatives and said i gate them to her to lose weight and found one of my blades that she stole and told heer whole family that i cut myself in front of her aand that i snort pills to keep me calm and that i pressuured her to do it which never even fucking happend. i told her about this guy that i really like and i told her that im happy im finally getting over my really abusive ex boyfriend but ever since her parents found all stuuff shes been really touchy with him and makes a poiny to hug him in front of me. shes been telling all my friends that i relapsed in my ed and sh but ive been clean for both for 6-7 months.. shes started drama out of thin air and shes pushing me out of my friend group that ive been with for 7 years and i dont haave the strength to fight back anymore. i thought i was geetting better and i was but shes fuckeed eveerything up for me and i know she wont stop until im dead. ive been smoking too much weed and my ed relaapsed and i cant tell anyone because they dont help me i dont knaow what to do. i really like him and she knows i struggle with relationships why would she do this to me. i can see he doesnt like her like i do him but he laughs at her jokes and shes too comfy with him and seeing all that i know i wouldnt be aBle to compete. he tries to start up convos with me but i end up telling myself ill never be good enough for a guy like him so i shouldnt even talk to him. i keep lashing out at people. i dont want to recover again and then relaaapse again i was so happy i cant do tghis again and over and over and over. i wrote an anon letter to him i was gonna slip it in his bag but she was hugging and laughing with me so now its just crumbling in my jacket pocket. i wrote my neatest and it was such a pretty poem. i was doing so good now fucking what

[angel-archivist]

.

[justtheaveragedude]

[shiftereris]

"'Look around you, Ethan,' I said. 'The end of the world. Is this the reward you want? Do you really want eveerything destroyed-the good with the bad? Everything?' Grover was almost to Annabeth now. The grass thickened on the floor. The roots were almost a foot long, like a stubble of whiskers. 'There is no throne to Nemesis,' Ethan muttered. 'No throne to my mother.' 'That's right!' Kronos tried to get up, but stumbled. Above his left ear, a patch of blond hair still smoldered. 'Strike them down! They deserve to suffer.' 'You said your mom is the goddess of balance,' I reminded him. 'The minor gods deserve better, Ethan, but total destruction isn't balance. Kronos doesn't build. He only destroys.' Ethan looked at the sizzling throne of Hephaestus. Grover's music kept playing, and Ethan swayed to it, as if the song were filling him with nostalgia-a wish to see a beautiful day, to be anywhere but here. His good eye blinked. Then he charged... but not at me. While Kronos was still on his knees, Ethan brought down his sword on the Titan lord's neck. It should have killed him instantly, but the blade shattered. Ethan fell back, grasping his stomach. A shard of his own blade had ricocheted and pierced his armor.”

- pages 327 and 328 of The Last Olympian.

[virginstoner666]

Running the infamous Destiel Confession through the Crytype generator

Castiel – “I always  wo;ndeerde,,, evre since I toook that bujjrdee,n  tatt curse, I w,ondere d  what it coul  bde  Whhat my trru ehapipness colud eeven look lik.e I enver foun  dan  ansew r;becaus ethe onee thing I wagnt..... It'. sosmett hin gI  konnw I can't have  .BBu..ut I tthinnk I; knnsow....  I thin kI k;;noow  now. Happpin;ess   iisn't iin theh   vaiing,, it's ni justt  eibng. It's in jsuutt sayin gtie.”

Dean – “Whaat are   you tlaknig aboutm, mman??”

Castiel – “Iknow  .I know how   y  u.o see ,ourself, Dean. You see yuorselft he  ssame wway ou.r  eenmies sseee. you. Youu',re desttruuc,tive,,.  and you''re  anggyr,, annd you're b.roekn. You're “adddy's;   blluunti; .ntsu,rme n;ntt.”  And  you thinkk thta  hatea nd  anger,,  thaat's...... That'sww haa tdr ives  oyu,,t hhat'sw ho y;ou   are.  pIt's  nott. And e,v,eeryy,one whoo ;knowss oyu s;ee it..  Eveerything you h,ave eevre do..one,, the   g odo and theb ad,   yyou have ddone for loove..Y. ou raised  yourr littel  rbo thre fforl ove.. Yuo f,ougth for tihs whloe world foor klvoe.   That  is wwhho you are.. Yo,u'ret he  most acring;; mann oon Earth., You ar.e  h,tte mosst sellfless,  llovinn   gghuman beeing I will zever knnwo. You nkow,,e  ve.r since wee met,,  ever  since ,I pulled   oy.u ut. of gHe,,lll.... nKowing  ybou  has c.hanged d  em. Becausey uo qcared,,, I acred.I ;   jcar ed about you. I   caar,ed  about Sam,  I;  care dabout Jack..,,... I  cared aobutt the wholee wollrdl  beca,,use ofy oou. You chaanged  me,,   Deann.”

Dean – “Why  do.e.ss ths soun,nd l ikee  ag oodbye”

Castiel – “Because it is. I lov..e you”

Dean – “Donn't do this CCas”

Castiel – “oGodbbey;,..  Dee,,an”

[germaphrodite]

astrology literally must be real if i’m going to be a parentless capricorn full frontal wanting to eat the world in frustration and weaponizing my failures upon realizing i’ve lost documents that put a giant chasm between me and everyone else in the world 

[cloudykaii]

Care

pairing: bts x eighth member!reader [platonic]

summary:  omg i just real some of your eight member scenarios and eveerything was so good!! i wasnt into eight member things before but now.. im super in! 😭 can you do a scenario about compilation of the members little caring act on stage, backstage, when theres camera or not, something like that to the eight members?? if you make it then i would be so delighted. than you !!

warnings: none, it’s just really fluff :( some of it might not make sense, but i really love this

A lot of things could be said about your brothers. Each and every one of them had their moments and mistakes, just like you did. Some people would call them rude, or selfish amongst other things, but the one thing they could never say, is that they didn’t care about you. ARMY pointed it out all the time; they even had compilations of moments the eight of you cared for each other, but your favorite were the ones titled things like: “six minutes of proof that bts’ world revolves around y/n.”

Jin jumped as your head fell against his bicep. You were at an afterparty for an awards show the eight of you had been asked to present at. The music wasn’t too loud- you used to joke that it was because everyone knew rich people liked to brag. You had no idea where the rest of your brothers were but you and Jin had been perched on the oddly comfortable sofa as he socialized. He could feel your hairpins digging into his shoulder. 

“Y/N, are you okay?” You didn’t answer and he moved slightly so that he could reach across and tap your arm, but you moved with him. He felt your even breathing and sighed. You still had around two hours left before they could leave. 

One of the girls he had been talking to chuckled as you gave a tiny shiver in your sleep. “She must be tired.”

He smiled at her before slipping off his blazer to cover you with it. “She works hard, sometimes I think she works harder than the rest of us,” he chuckled, pulling you closer so that he could make sure she was comfortable. 

No one knows how a fan account had that video trending on twitter under the hashtag #BabyY/N three days later. 

✦✧✦✧

One bad thing about being the only girl in an idol group, is that sometimes you get the least amount of consideration. Not because they didn’t respect you or anything like that, it’s just that after styling for seven boys, you think sometimes the staff tends to forget you are not a guy, or maybe they had never seen a girl in real life.

Or at least that’s what the short dress you were wearing had you feeling like. It’s not like it wasn’t pretty, a black skirt and connected by a thin, white lacy strip that wrapped around your abdomen. It was gorgeous, and the silky ribbon of a choker around your neck made it look even better, but it was just.. so short. 

You powered through like a trooper, despite the fear in the back of your mind that you were flashing the entire audience while you danced. The minute the song stopped and everyone moved to get a drink of water, Yoongi was taking his jacket off and tying it around your waist. 

Not speaking into the mic, you let him do as he wanted but asked, “Are you even allowed to do that? Won’t the stylist say something about how you ruined her outfit?”

Tightening the knot of material, he rolled his eyes. “Honestly, I don’t give a fuck what the stylist has to say right now. Not only is your outfit not okay, but it’s obviously making you uncomfortable. You can wear this until the next outfit change.”

“Thank you,” you hugged him briefly, glad he had your back. 

✦✧✦✧

There was a time where you guys were recording a live during a long break while at practice. Fans talked about it for ages afterwards. Taehyung sat against one of the mirrors, holding his phone, while Jimin was in the picture beside him. 

“Basically, that’s it. We haven’t really-”

“Y/N, stop running around, you’re going to hurt yourself!” Jimin’s voice cut in, making the other man look over. 

“What is she doing?”

Jimin huffed, “I have no idea, but she’s going to- Y/N, at least t- no actually come here, I’ll do it for you.”

And when you bounced into the view of the camera, only for all the fans to see Jimin pulling your foot to him so he could tie your shoe. “Be careful this time, even if you’re playing tag.”

✦✧✦✧ 

Jeongguk laughed at the camera, the comments being ridiculous. He was doing a live, answering questions about the embarrassing moments he chose to talk about. “No, it was funny! He fell, but then he tried to play it off by doing pushups, but he feel while trying to do that, so-”

He heard the door open in the background, and the camera saw him turn to the side just before he let out an “oomf.” The side profile of your face was visible to the viewers as you moved to curl against him on the bed. You rubbed your eyes sleepily, and he frowned. “It’s really late, you’re supposed to be asleep.”

You mumbled, “I was, but then I got scared and woke up. I didn’t want to be alone.” He pouted at that. You tended to have nightmares whenever you were stressed, and since he was the one who found out about them first, he was usually the person you ran to. 

“Do you wanna sleep in here?” He asked softly. Everyone tuned in could hear everything, but your brother barely remembered that he was even recording as he fussed over you. You nodded, already drifting off on his shoulder. He smiled down at you before turning back to the camera. He read the many comments of everyone cooing over you. “Yeah, she’s alright. I’ll tell her to tell you guys herself tomorrow. Anyways..” 

✦✧✦✧

Of course, there were incidents that were more serious. 

The sun was setting, which made the perfect picture for the shoot you guys were about to do. The rooftop everyone was on was beautiful and stone, the kind of background you saw in movies. The sun seemed to glitter, and the wind made everything sway until the lake’s seemingly glittering waves caught your eye. “Whoa,” you gasped, moving closer to get a look.

“Y/N-”

You waved off Taehyung’s warning. “I’ll be careful! I just want to get a closer look!” You walked back over to the edge, admiring the way the sun sparkled on the water. You subconsciously leaned closer, moving your body a little too far against the thin railing, but before you could topple over, a hand grabbed the back of your jacket with a tight grip, yanking you back until you were a good distance away from the railing. 

Your back hit someone else’s and you recognized Taehyung as you turned to see him. He stared down at you. “I said be careful!” 

“I’m sorry,” you said a little shakily. Taehyung sighed before pulling you back into a hug. “Having a little sister is so hard, you’re not leaving my sight for the rest of the day.”

✦✧✦✧

Another moment fans loved to talk about actually happened at a fansign. You smiled brightly as the next fan came up to you, following the line. “Hello!” you greeted happily. 

Something about this girl threw you off though, and the look in her eyes had you unintentionally leaning away from her. You couldn’t decipher it, but when nothing happened, you told yourself you were just overthinking it. She was probably just excited to meet what could have been her favorite artist group, right? 

You stood by Hoseok as the fansign ended, moving to follow him out of then venue. He chuckled as he looked at you. “You have that look.”

You wrinkled your nose. “What look?” 

“The one that says you’re hungry,” he teased, poking you in the stomach, making you whine. “Well, maybe-”

“Y/N!” You turned around, cutting yourself off mid sentence, to see the fan from earlier. “I found you.” Her smile was a little too bright as she reached for you, only for Hoseok to push you behind him as you stuttered out, “I’m sorry, we really have to go.” 

You moved to attempt to leave after that, but her demeanor quickly changed. Her face changed from too happy and delighted, to dark and angry. Her eyes narrowed, and she reached for you more aggressively this time. “Don’t be son ungrateful,” she squeezed your wrist painfully and you cried out as security finally made their way over. 

Hoseok immediately pulled you to him, looking at the rapidly forming bruise on your wrist. Even though at the moment, it was just a large red mark, his face still tightened. “This never should have happened,” he cursed when he noticed tears in your eyes. 

He pulled you into a hug as he waited for the rest of your brothers to show up. “It won’t happen again,” he promised you. 

✦✧✦✧

The moment that was probably the most talked about, was when a talk show host felt the need to ask you how it felt. Namjoon shared a glance with you. 

“Excuse me?” you asked timidly, straightening up. 

The interviewer turned to you. “Oh, you speak English! I was just asking how it felt to be so similar to a child all the time.” The man’s tone of voice didn’t even change, but the idea that he had expected Namjoon to translate this to you, and now casually asked you as if there was nothing wrong with the question. “You know, they’re always taking care of you, it makes it seem like you can’t do anything by yourself. Does it ever irritate you?”

You tried laughing it off, the chuckle leaving your lips as you ticked a strand of hair behind your ear awkwardly. “Not really. They’re not doing anything to be condescending, and I know that.”

“Do you feel like that is because you need their help?”

“That’s enough,” Namjoon cut in, his jaw clenched as he slid forward a little in his seat as if to help get his point across. “Y/N is perfectly capable of taking care of herself. We pitch in to check on her because we love and care about her, and she does the same for us. She is not a child but a grown woman who we love and care about enough to make sure she’s okay and gets the nice treatment she deserves. With all due respect, if you insult our sister again, we will be forced to cut this short.”

You looked over to him, offering a silent thank you as the interviewer coughed, trying to recover. The bad news was that this interview was live, so he really couldn’t do anything but sit there and realized he had just embarrassed himself. 

Honestly, what else is there to say? You loved and cared about your brothers, and they loved and cherished you. 

[concentrated-mug-of-me]

call me out tell me how you have everything figured out once you were my everything now youre every single doubt SO YOU SAY YOUR BETTER OFF BUT YOU TREAT ME LIKE PANDORAS BOX EXITHERE ITS MY ESCAPE BUT ILL NEVER UNDERSTAND THE! QUEEN!! OF EVEERYTHING! JUST SITTING ON YOUR THROONE